#absurd amphibian

[astaldis]

Of Stinking Sewers and Man-Eating Monsters

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences, No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: Gen   Words: 2,810

Relationship: Cahir Mawr Dyffryn aep Ceallach & Yennefer of Vengerberg

Additional Tags: Sewers, ancient abomination, zeugl, terrifying tentacles

Summary: On the run from the Brotherhood of Sorcerers, Yennefer and Cahir travers the ancient elven aqueduct on their way from Gors Velen to Oxenfurt to find the Sandpiper. But not only the monster with the many tentacles is lurking in the sewers.

Yennefer turns around the corner. And freezes. She cannot see much in the near darkness of the sewer but there is some kind of huge, black shadow squatting right in the middle of the tunnel. Another monster. Fuck! As if that tentacle thing a few hours ago was not enough. And now they do not even have a torch. Why on the continent did the Nilfgaardian throw away their only source of light and means to defend themselves? Right, to grab and save her, she cannot really blame him for that, can she now. But still, a torch would have made their journey through the ancient elven aqueduct so much easier. And especially so if the monster from earlier that killed Dermain and almost her too, is not the only one lurking in these godforsaken tunnels.

Standing still as a statue, Yennefer stares at the creature. In the dim light of the air shaft illuminating it from behind, it reminds her of a gigantic toad. The toad-like beast opens its mouth and a fleshy, long tongue emerges. It looks greyish in the twilight, but she is sure it must have some disgustingly slimy, brown-red colour. It is probably sticky as hell, too, and several metres long. The creature moves its tongue from side to side while protruding and retracting it repeatedly with some kind of smacking sound.

“What is it?” Cahir whispers, stopping in his tracks right behind her, so close she can feel his warm breath on her wet skin. Her disgustingly dirty and stinking skin. Good thing he is no less dirty and wet than her.

“Quiet. I think it hasn’t noticed us yet,” Yennefer breathes, taking a cautious step backward.

Unfortunately, her assessment is overly optimistic. With its sensitive tongue the toad has tasted the air, smelled the scent of delicious prey. It is hungry, too. Not many animals of a size bigger than rats stray into the tunnel system that has been its home for many hundred years. And these weird, two-legged beings are the creature’s favourite. Sweet, juicy meat, and lots of it. It has had only a few of them during its very long life, but recently more of these delicacies seem to traverse the main tunnels than ever before. That’s why it has left its usual, darker hunting grounds and come to this place. Here it has sat on watch waiting for many hours. Patiently. As it has been its habit, its nature for all its very long life. But now the time to feast has finally come. With a loud splash, the ancient amphibian starts to move through the foul water. It moves straight toward them, and a lot faster than Yennefer would have imagined possible with its enormous bulk.

"Run!" she exclaims, whipping round.

Continue reading on Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/46953019

@witchermonstermayhem​

[crunkyscorner]

a little wip I'm working on 🫡

[nokingsonlyfooles]

Canada is... a strange place

From the comments on this CBC News article.

Yes, I am arguing with a Nazi space lizard. On a real grown-up news site. And I'm the one getting booted by the mod. This is a short saga, you wanna hear it?

First of all, I have the AP, the BBC and Teen Vogue's OG History bookmarked to read various kinds of news. They all have their shortcomings (god yes), but there is no single source of trustworthy, unbiased information out there, so I compare and contrast. (I should probably get Al-Jazeera on there, but I also probably shouldn't read the news so much.) None of these places, even Teen Vogue, have a comments section. Because they are there to give you information. If you must, you may go to a social media site, link the article, and comment there. Or maybe you can try writing the editor, like it's print news in the stone age.

That's not how Canada rolls, baby!!

In attempting to read the local news, I have noticed that the default seems to be "allow comments" and this needs to be turned off when it's an article that will attract really awful people (like a kid with cancer or someone dying of COVID). Sometimes - often - they forget to do that. I have seen an apparently panicked, traumatized mod turn off the comment feature while I'm reading the article. One instant there's a little bubble inviting me to read 150+ comments, the next.. Poof! No comments available on this baby! Sorry!

The space lizard cosplayer (the CBC used to make you use your real name, but that seems to not be the case anymore) is expressing an opinion on Surrey's classroom policy, which says teachers may continue to teach in 39 degree (that's 102, for us ex-pats) heat, indoors, but at a "rest effort" whatever the hell that means.

That, alone, is batshit. I used to live in a desert. I told them so - as one does - and scrolled down to have a look at the train wreck in progress.

At the very top was someone calling (one assumes her?)self "Branda Emerald" just letting us all know that "Surrey is run by foreigners now." The mods picked that one off while I was reading my lizard friend's thread.

I had to go look this up right now, (I am a Niner through-and-through, it's just been a while and it's blurry) but Cardassians are, indeed, ectotherms. So, assuming (sarcastically as hell) this person was replying in character, I told them to cut that out, that their tough-guy persona was a little bitch (I'm paraphrasing, I did not swear), and if he wanted to comment on education, he ought to pretend to be Keiko O'Brien.

(Keiko here was a tragically underused and underwritten character, but tough as hell. She stayed married to Miles, after all.)

Nope! Mods didn't like that!

I didn't save that one, but, of course, I addressed them directly in the next. And that's not civil or on-topic or... I don't care. It's absurd, is what it is. I think I've said I like it when postmodern absurdity snaps its tether and makes a live appearance, so I took a picture before my comment went to Comment Heaven. I imagine it's frolicking there with Branda's overt white nationalism, even as we speak.

To sum up: On Canada's leading news... Hang on. Let me check that for accur...

Oh dear Christ. Alright! On Canada's second most popular news website, I got into an argument with a Nazi space lizard, and according to the mods, I am the asshole. I mean, I know I am an asshole, but it's odd that Lizard Hitler is a model citizen worthy of comment privileges and I, a humble frog, am not.

My go-to story for demonstrating Canada's brand of weirdness will remain, "Yeah, one morning I woke up and the top news article was 'Rob Ford Has Eaten a Bee,'" as it's a lot more succinct. Nevertheless, I think "People pretending to be genocidal space lizards think 102 degree classrooms are NBD, and I'm the crazy one" will be, er, the second most popular.

[bilboyagathechickenfootedhobbit]

Went on Instagram for a grand total of five minutes and was immediately pulled in to one of the literal dumbest arguments I have ever experienced and reminded myself why I left that hellscape for this one.

Are there brain-meltingly stupid discussions happening here, too? Of course. But at least we’re fucking funny about it.

[moonselune]

hii! may I request reader who randomly gives astarion animals? like one day it's a kitten then another day it's a frog? gn neutral reader pls if possible if not, female will do.

I'm just imagining reader bringing them to him like a kid brings you rocks - thank you nonnie for the request !

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

Astarion x reader | Animal readers

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

In the sprawling camp amidst the whispers of trees and the gentle crackling of the campfire, you and Astarion shared moments that wove through laughter and tenderness. Amidst all the trials and dangers of the road, one thing about you never ceased to amuse and perplex Astarion: your habit of randomly bringing him animals as gifts.

It all started innocently enough with a tiny, mewling kitten that you found abandoned near the campsite. With a gentle smile and a twinkle in your eye, you presented the kitten to Astarion, who initially feigned disdain, muttering something about the inconvenience of caring for a needy creature. He was not amused when you made the comparison between him and the little kitten. Yet, as soon as you turned away, he couldn't help but scoop the little furball into his arms, cooing soft words of affection.

"You know I have better things to do than tend to a pathetic kitten," Astarion remarked, scratching behind the kitten's ears as it purred contentedly in his lap. He wouldn't dare admit it to anyone but he had named the kitten, Soot, for the black ashy fur it had.

But the next day, you surprised him again—this time with a plump, green frog that had been hopping around the edge of the camp. Astarion's facade of indifference cracked, replaced by a half-hearted protest about the absurdity of collecting amphibians.

"Why on earth would you bring me a frog?" Astarion asked, even as he gingerly accepted it from your hands. To your amusement, he found a small bowl for the frog to hop around in, making sure it had water and insects to snack on. The frog too had a name, Lezeal, no relation to his Githyanki travelling companion whatsoever.

Then tragedy occurred.

You wanted to say that it was an accident, that Soot had just taken playtime with the frog a bit too far, but in reality, Soot had taken after their owner and their penchant for blood. That and cats were bastards.

Soot playing with Lezeal's innards, bringing them proudly to Astarion disturbed most of them, it didn't help that Gale was serving frogs legs for dinner (complete coincidence, - plus Soot wasn't going to give up their plaything anytime soon). Even Lae'zel couldn't finish her dinner.

Astarion went to you that night and you both agreed that for the safety of all future wildlife, maybe no more surprise animals, Soot was enough for now.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

[bufomancer]

If not a beardie then what would you suggest as a good first time reptile?

There are dozens, if not hundreds of amazing species that are much better pets than bearded dragons. I honestly don’t really think most people in general should own a beardie, but they are constantly pushed as one of the best beginner reptiles and it is just wildly inaccurate. They need massive enclosures. People claim a 40g or a 4x2x2ft is perfect but if you think about how large these animals are and how active they can be when truly given the space and enrichment, it’s absurd.

If we were to give an 18 inch beardie an enclosure equivalent to an 8 inch leopard gecko in a 20 gallon long, we would need a 5.5ft by 2.25ft enclosure. A 40g for a leopard gecko would be equivalent to giving a beardie a 6.75ft by 3.37ft enclosure. Not to mention they grow very fast, they can be fussy about their diets, and they need quite high temperatures! They are also very prone to metabolic bone disease if their UV needs are not met and many new keepers struggle with providing appropriate temperatures and UV.

The best beginner reptile is going to depend on what specifically you are looking for in a pet, but in general I recommend first time keepers to get a reptile with most of these qualities:

-On the smaller end, requiring no bigger than a 4x2x2 or a 2x2x4…. But not a micro species either. In my experience these enclosure sizes are generally the largest that most first time owners are comfortable with fitting into their home, are fairly affordable with some saving up, and are easy to take with you if you move.

-Good eaters, not prone to hunger strikes

-Hardy, able to tolerate a wider range of temperatures and humidities as new keepers often struggle at first with maintaining temps and humidity

-Easy to acquire diet (frozen rats are easy, but a species that only eats amphibians is harder to source for)

-Commonly captive bred

-Relatively handleable

-A species you are genuinely excited to own

[cypherdecypher]

Animal of the Day!

Sagalla Caecilian (Boulengerula niedeni)

(Photo from Amphibian Fact)

Conservation Status- Endangered

Habitat- Kenya

Size (Weight/Length)- 300 mm

Diet- Worms; Termites

Cool Facts- Not a worm, not a snake, the sagalla caecilian is more closely related to frogs and newts. Isolated to only a single mountain in southeastern Kenya less than 20 square kilometers. These caecilians rarely make their way to the surface, preferring to stay underground near streams. Despite their tiny mouths and slow movement the Sagalla caecilian is a voracious carnivore, feasting on worms and small insects. Sadly, due to their isolated nature, these caecilians are threatened by even the smallest habitat change. Eucalyptus plantations in the surrounding area dry out their soil and pollute their rivers. Conservationists are working with villages to promote good habitat for these species and helping to aid in population counts.

Rating- 13/10 (Wiggly, a little slimy, frankly absurd, little friend.)

[liriostigre]

Hiiii ty for such a great uquiz!! Would it be possible to see the description of all the books you could get matched to? I’m curious what the vibes are for the rest!!

hi 🌷 here you go:

White Teeth by Zadie Smith: Excessive, maximalist and very ambitious multigenerational and multicultural epic novel that starts with the unlikely friendship between Archie Jones and Samad Iqbal. It explores themes of race, identity and the intersections of culture, heritage, and modernity. Clever and hilarious dialogue, very creative when it comes to language and style, unique and bold when it comes to narrative. Perhaps a flawed novel due to its ambition, but excellent nonetheless.

Despair by Vladimir Nabokov: Excellent writing; very ambitious and stylish. It is somewhat a twisted novel but you will find a lot of humor despite. The narrator speaks directly to the reader as he writes what he regards as his perfect crime. This novel is one of Nabokov's earliest works in which one can easily identify themes and literary devices that the author explored later in his most known works.

The Savage Detectives by Roberto Bolaño: Brilliant and stunning novel about poets and poetry! Very dense and challenging; it requires patience from the reader. This novel is so infinitely dear to me that i can't even explain its brilliance, but i have to give you at least an idea of the plot so: The story is arranged in three parts and told from multiple points of view. It starts in Mexico City, in the 70s, and continues across decades and continents. It follows the adventures and misadventures of Arturo Belano and Ulises Lima—poets, drug dealers, wanderes, criminals. Now, about the themes, the writing, the style, the narration? Just absolutely perfect even at its most tedious, difficult and anticlimactic parts.

The Hearing Trumpet by Leonora Carrington: Unconventional, absurd, imaginative and exuberantly surreal apocalyptic fairytale quest. It follows 92 year old Marian who is sent off to a peculiar old-age home. If you aren't familiar with Leanora Carrington's art you should look at some of her paintings because this wonderful novel feels just like her surrealist paintings!

Mrs. Caliban by Rachel Ingalls: This novella tells the story of a love affair between a depressed suburban housewife and an amphibian creature who escaped a scientific research center. It might sound like a quirky fiction story but it actually deals with the most mundane and banal aspects of life and human relationships. Brilliantly written; neat and precise prose, wonderful storytelling. The author knew what she was doing and not a single word she wrote was wasted.

The Borrowers by Mary Norton: Delicately written little adventure about tiny people who live in the secret places of houses. I am enamored (obsessed!!) with miniatures—dollhouses, dioramas, fairies—so imagine how dear this book is to me.

Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn: The murders of two girls bring reporter Camille Preaker back to her hometown. As she works to uncover the truth about those crimes, Camille finds herself forced to unravel the psychological puzzle of her own past. Very entertaining read. It has best seller written all over it (which might not be the biggest compliment lol but i mean for this genre so it is a compliment).

Rage by Sergio Bizzio: Claustrophobic, anxiety inducing, fast-paced psychological thriller that made me think of Bong Joon-ho's Parasite the whole 4 hours it took me to read it. I read it in it's original language, Spanish, and i particularly loved the dialogue; its idiosyncrasies and authenticity (tqm Argentina!)

High Fidelity by Nick Hornby: Rob, an obsessive music fan, reminisces his top five worst break ups to understand his most recent heartbreak. He is a very arrogant and cynical guy who defines his entire life through records, and because he is constantly interacting with music that almost exclusively deals with love—and a very idealistic version of it—he finds himself unsatisfied with the way his life has turned out.

[askbensolo]

Treeso and I said we’d hang out before he left. And boy, did we.

I drink sometimes, but as a rule I try not to overdo it. I don’t like feeling like I’m not in control of myself, you know?

Well, I overdid it.

See, at the cantina, they have this thing called The Chommell Sector Flight. It’s a mix-and-match menu of 36 craft beers, sourced from each of the 36 worlds in the sector. You pick six of ‘em to build your flight of sample glasses.

Well, ol’ Treesie boy decided we had to try them ALL.

Normally, I’m Treeso’s impulse control. That sounds like an absurd quantity of alcohol, I thought. I have work tomorrow, I thought.

But this is our last hurrah before Treeso moves out, I thought.

So…we ordered six flights. Treeso put more of it away than I did, but…yeah. We took a taxi home after that. And then I laid on the bathroom floor and cried ‘cause I felt so garbage. I think Treeso had fun though.

Guess what. I still made it to work today. ‘Cause I’m insane. Luckily for me, everyone at today’s team meeting was too busy circling back, dialing in, and piggybacking off of so-and-so to notice that I was mentally floating into the far reaches of space, merely a dead-eyed husk of a shell of a being.

…Which, to be honest, isn’t too far off from my normal reaction when a meeting devolves into a debate about whether or not “piggybacking” is anti-Gamorrean hate speech.

I’m feeling better now. But…yeesh. Not doing that again.

I’m gonna miss Treeso, though. I thought I hated guys like him—the class clowns, the party animals, the gym rats (or amphibians?). I guess I can be kind of judgmental. But hey, maybe I’m not always right about everything…

…Except I’m right about how Armitage and Poe are two of the most annoying nerfherders in existence. Obviously.

[microwavedmetal]

Chatfic AU where the party has their own discord server.

They have a Star Wars channel in which the boys can nerd out. Every so often, Will accidently repurpose it into a Han Solo stan channel

They also have a D&D rp channel. However, they must always remain in character. Whenever someone mistakes it for the General channel, they get this kind of response like "Cinema? Weekend? I, Lucas the Lion, have never heard of such a thing in my entire life. Leave at once if you are going to spew absurdities in our tavern!"

Dustin is a bot programmer. And he is pretty good at it too, but he doesn't always show it because he'd rather use his skills for evil. Meaning, he uses them for pranks and make them activate on trigger words. Think haiku bot, but eviler. Sometimes, Mike picks a fight with them in the Bot channel.

They have a Counting channel. Lucas is pretty invested in keeping the strike going, so Max obviously breaks it to mess with him

Mike creates a Art channel one day. Only Will was given image posting permission.

They have server roles. It's their D&D class.

Sometimes, Mike writes increasingly homoerotic ficlets in the Fandom channel (because they have a Star Wars channel AND a Fandom channel). Will is obsessed with them

They use the School channel to cheat help each other out with homework. El likes to ask the others for new ways to subtily piss off her English teacher through her essays (teach had it out for her since her first day). Will shows with his numerous questions just how hilariously bad he is at math. He hates the subject so much he based one of his most malicious spell runes off the trigonometry unit circle in a campaign.

They have a Pet channel. Will avoids it ever since Chester passed (he's still mourning). Dustin used to post about Mews daily until it swallowed and choked on the exotic amphibian specie he'd found and kept as a pet. This channel has remained dead ever since.

[witchermonstermayhem]

Witcher Monster MAYhem 2023 approaches!

Rules:

Anyone can participate.

Any media form is allowed (art, fic, gifs, music, whatever).

You can participate however much or as little as you want, no pressure to complete all the prompts.

You can post your work anywhere on the internet, Tumblr, Ao3, etc.

Tag potential triggers and NSFW accordingly.

If you want to be counted as an official participant and have the chance to be featured on the blog, post your content on tumblr during the month of May. You can still use the prompt list after May ends.

Don't worry if you cannot post your creation on the day of the prompt, as long as it's during May, it counts.

To make it easier for you to fill all 31 prompts, here are some special rules:

You can use just one prompt of the day or combine prompts of the same day (but this counts just as one fill) or you can combine prompts of different days. (If you combine, for example, 2. vampire, 4. cruel claws, 8. full moon, this counts as 3 prompt fills.)

For every new work that you have created for the event, you can post one old work of yours that fits a prompt. They count like new works! (Please tag old works with #old)

You may combine a prompt with a fill for another event!

I can’t guarantee that every single work will be featured but I’ll try to reblog as many as I can.

To increase your chances of being featured here, tag your post with the event name and the prompt of the day that you used.

example 1: #witchermonstermayhem2023, #witchermonstermayhemday1, #too many toes

example 2: #witchermonstermayhem2023, #alt. breathing fire #old

You can also @ the blog, @witchermonstermayhem

If you have any questions, please feel free to ask!

Please reblog and tag your friends who might be interested in the event. Thank you!

Have fun with the prompts! (see below)

@witcherwheeloftheyear

@witcherrarepaircommentexchange

@witchersummercamp

@witcher-bows-and-arrows

And here the prompts as text:

WitcherMonsterMAYhem 2023 Prompts:

1. Too many toes | myriapod | centipede

2. Fearsome fangs | striga | vampire

3. Wicked wings | dragon | wyvern

4. Cruel claws |  gruesome gashes | scar

5. Nefarious necrophages | ghoul | cemetaur

6. Terrifying tentacles | zeugl | kraken

7. Vicious venom | basilisk | paralysed

8. Haunting howls | werewolf | full moon

9. Something wicked in the water | bubbles | drowner

10. Eery eyes | bloodshot | glowing in the dark

11. Hairy horror | yeti | berserker

12. Searing stings | sharp spikes | puncture wound

13. Shimmering scales | mermaid | mesmerised

14. Scary scratching | nasty noises | reverberating roar

15. Clever camouflage | ambush predator | eyehead

16. Creepy chittering | insectoid | metamorphosis

17. Terrible talons | griffin | chernabog

18. Horrible horns | unicorn | impaled

19. Acid attack | archespore | ants

20. Ghastly ghost | hell hound | nightwraith

21. Ancient abomination | leshen | crones

22. Sexy sirens | succubus | seduction

23. Smelly swamps | kikimore | will-o'-the-wisp

24. Treacherous trap | sand monster | grabbed

25. Menacing maw | swallowed | selkiemore

26. Towering trolls | nasty nekkers | grim giants

27. Duplicitous doppler | despicable doppelgänger | shapeshifting 

28. Rare reptiloid | ferocious fish | absurd amphibian

29. Deadly demon | possessed | diabolic djinn

30. Beautiful bruxa | bloodsucking | black bat

31. Cave creature | barbegazi | knocker

Alternative Prompts (alt.)

If there’s a prompt above you don’t feel inspired or comfortable doing, you can switch it out with any one of these alternatives!

Growl

Run

Breathing fire

Scent of sulfur

Blood-curdling cry

Forked tongue

Hide

Undead

Burrow

Turned to stone

Silver sword

Don't kill it!

I hate monsters

Toss a coin

Monster friend

[number-two-tournament]

Propaganda under the cut!

Izzy Hands:

"insane (affectionate)"

Diamonds Droog:

"Diamonds Droog (AKA Draconian Dignitary) knows how to run an operation. He's efficient, he's sharp, he is willing to stab children to get things done and equally willing to murder swathes of amphibian aliens. When forced to meet silly and/or frankly absurd dress code standards he meets only the minimum requirements for silly hats by wearing a cat ear headband (while bald).

Also he plays the saxophone and wields a pool cue sometimes."

[floatingcamel23]

categorizing mobs pt 2

welp. saddle up cus this will be a long one. if you havent seen the first part, go check it out. basicly i categorize mobs based on what they are, how they act and why they are here. this will add scrapped mobs, mobs from the spinoffs and more. ready. lets do this.

lets start with the very long one. animals. imma make a post dividing all the animals into there speices. but for now lets categorize animals in general. animals: axolotl, bat, camel, cat, cow, chicken, cod, frog, donkey, squid, glow squid, horse, mooshroom, pig, mule, donkey, ocelot, parrot, pufferfish, rabbit, salmon, sheep, skeleton horse, sniffer, strider, tadpole, tropical fish, turtle, bee, cave spider, spider, dolphins, fox, goat, llama, panda, polar bear, trader llama, wolf, guardian. elder guardians, hoglin, phantom, ravager, shulker, silverfish, zoglin, ender dragon, armadillo, killer bunny, zombie horse, diamond chicken, "horse", mars, moon cow, "pony", redstone bug, red dragon, alpaca, barnacle, the great hunger, chinese crocodile, golden monkey, pink river dolphin, white lipped deer, fox pet, (these are the chinese exclusive mobs. i know these cus my chinese friend plays the chinese version.) crab, penguin, endermite, badger, butterfly, dragonfly, marmot, big beak, brilliant beetle, regal tiger, lava launcher, warboar, ancient hoglin, rainbow sheep, jeb_ sheep, clam, piggy bank, wooly cow, enchanted sheep, enchanted cow, dairy cow, piebald pig, sooty pig, baby glow squid, ghast, baby ghast, cinnamon ferret, cluckshroom, duck, dark goat, emperor penguin, fancy chicken, golden parrot, hedgehog, mole, red phantom, racoon, royal penguin, red panda, raven, ruby turtle, skunk, ferret, spotted pig,toucan, vested rabbit, toast, grumm/dinnerbone animals, zombie baby pig, moobloom, moolip, eponymous glow squid, black ocelot, black wolf, monkey, (these three are mentioned in the weapons of minecraft dungeouns) Dried Muddy Pig, Mottled Pig, Muddy Pig, Pale Pig, Pink Footed Pig, Spotted Pig, Flecked Sheep, Fuzzy Sheep, Inky Sheep, Long Nose Sheep, Patched Sheep, Rocky Sheep, White Sheep, Albino Cow, Ashen Cow, Cookie Cow, Cream Cow, Pinto Cow, Sunset Cow, Umbra Cow, Amber Chicken, Bronzed Chicken, Gold Crested Chicken, Midnight Chicken, Skewbald Chicken, Stormy Chicken, Bold Striped Rabbit, Desert Rabbit, Freckled Rabbit, Harelequin Rabbit, Jumbo Rabbit, Muddy Foot Rabbit, bone spider, skeleton wolf, dyed cat, fish in chaps, (what) (its a fish with pants what-) hyper rabbit, magma cow, mooboom, mossy sheep, otter, web spider, teacup pig, horned sheep, meerkat, ostritch, vulture, wooloo, finally, zombie rabbit.

ok some of these mobs are a bit absurd. cus they are. most are minecraft earth mobs like the fish in chaps, (it looks so funny-) mooboom and more. u might not know them cus they are scrapped mobs.

*WARNING: INSECTS AND ARTHROPODS! LOOK AWAY ARACHNEPHOBES!*

next are insects and arthropods. you know how it works.

insects and arthropods: spiders, cave spiders, silverfish, redstone bug, firefly (rip), web spider, giant cave spider, endermite, creeder, icy spider, prison cave spider, prison spider, butterfly, dragonfly, brilliant beetle, termite and bone spider.

finally, amphibians! lets do this.

amphibians: frog, axolotl, tadpole, strider (?) fearless frog.

thats it. see if you can guess which minecraft spinoff game games these mobs came from! pt 3: idk.

[astaldis]

Witcher Monster MAYhem masterpost

New works (41.033 new words) written for the event prompts (in chronological order of events):

Shimmering Scales and Stormy Seas (Words 800): This is the story of Jaskier's first time. Decide yourself if it is true or just a tall tale. Smut! (13. shimmering scales, mermaid, mesmerised, 22. Seduction)

Of Smelly Sewers and Man-eating Monsters (Words 2,808): On the run from the Brotherhood of Sorcerers, Yennefer and Cahir travers the ancient elven aqueduct on their way from Gors Velen to Oxenfurt to find the Sandpiper. But not only the monster with the many tentacles is lurking in the sewers. (6. Terrifying tentacles, Zeugl, 21. Ancient abomination, 28. Absurd amphibian)

A Most Unusual Plant (Words 1,765): Jaskier saves a cow! With Geralt's help, of course - A little monstery adventure Geralt and his company have on their way to find the druids. (Set during the events of Baptism of Fire, more exactly after the Fish Soup and before the Battle on the Bridge. You don't need to have read the books though to enjoy the story.) (19. Acid attack, Archespore)

Of Eery Eyes and Vicious Venom (Words 500): While travelling with the Witcher and his friends in search of Princess Cirilla, Cahir faces a frightening monster. (7. Vicious venom, paralysed, 10. eery eyes, 15. eyehead)

A most interesting read (Words 2,534): While Geralt and his strange company are on their way to the druids of Caed Dhu, Milva asks Cahir to read a very special book for her. (26. Grim Giant)

How to Kill a Troll (Words 7,612): Geralt and Cahir go on a monster hunt together. Set the summer after Stygga (1268). (14. Reverberating roar, 26. Towering trolls, alt. Silver Sword, Toss a coin)

Wicked Wings and Fearsome Fangs (Words 2,548): On their way to fulfil a contract, Geralt and Cahir happen upon yet another monster. And upon you. First person POV or second person POV. (2. Fearsome Fangs, 3. Wicked wings, 4. Cruel claws, Wyvern, alt. Forked tongue)

You'd be wise to beware (Words 12,847): Geralt and Cahir go on a monster hunt together where they meet an old friend, Jaskier. Unfortunately, the hunt is not as easy as expected ... (1. Too many toes, Myriapod, Centipede, 3. Wicked wings)

The dark things that wait in that house (Words 7,714): After his almost fatal injury at Stygga Castle, Cahir has lost his memory. He lives at Kaer Morhen and has become a Witcher. On the way back to the Witcher keep after his first monster hunt alone, Cahir helps a woman in distress. But is she really who she appears to be? (16. Metamorphosis, 23. Smelly swamps,  24. Treacherous trap, 27. Duplicitous Doppler, Shapeshifting, alt. I hate Monsters)

Monster Friend 1 (Words 300): Regis is waiting in front of the Witcher Keep, but Vesemir is reluctant to let the monster inside the walls of Kaer Morhen. Can Geralt convince him? Triple-Drabble. (alt. Monster friend)

Not Yet - Monster Friend 2 (Words 1,405): Regis meets Cahir on the doorsteps to Kaer Morhen just before the rain starts pouring down. (alt. Monster friend)

Blue (Words 200): Geralt spots something in a meadow. Something that is impossible to exist. (3. Dragon, alt. Monster friend)

Dreaming of Unicorns: Fanart (18. Unicorn)

... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Older works fitting the prompts:

5. Ghoul, alt. Growl, Run, Blood-curdling cry : Of Monsters and Moonshine

9. Something wicked in the water, Bubbles, 12. Puncture wound: And quietly lay the frozen lake

14. Scary scratching, alt. Hide: That Scratching

26. Grim Giants: The White Death

31. Cave creature / Barbegazi: Of cavern conversations and mountain monsters

[noisester]

@mixingmuses (HAHA dumbass can't be tagged yet):

" reach into my enclosure on the moon I'm perfectly normal I swear "

(tumblr can hide the blog from follows for now but it can't takeaway my shitposting in asks)

There's a deafening period of silence from the guy named Noise as he utterly blanks out at the message. Uh, you know. The unknown Horrors from above capturing your signals and highjacking your monitors while you were very obnoxiously eating a bowl full of ridiculously sweet cereals (a Noise classic™) was THE definition of absurd, but. Hey. That was nothing out of the ordinary for his already chaotic life, especially when Fake exists and is actively poking its nose in his business.

Where the heck did its punchable marketable mug go, by the way. He scoured every pond he could find, read through an entire book titled 'Best Hiding Locations for Baby Froglet Wannabes That Want You Dead' against his will, even planted a camera inside Peppino's personal trash bin in case its walnut-sized amphibian brain wanted to rummage through it. He knew from the many Tower bosses 'business' meetings he attended that Fake wasn't the type to disappear out of the blue and call it a day. It HAD to be cooking something in the oven. Probably another devious way to put him through the wringer.

...Yeah. Anyways! Best not to keep this 'lovely' surprise guest waiting, eh? Noise nearly shook his head to snap out of his thoughts. The sooner he competently faces the situations at hand, the sooner he'll go back to being a funny little guy and maul Walter for antagonising his girl. Mm-hmm.

All he needed to do was keep his composure and play his cards right, really. Don't replicate what you did to Fake a few months ago and don't piss off the entity that could easily—

"Sure grandpa let's get you to bed." He. He hanged up on the thousand years old wretched monstrosity residing on the Moon. Just. Like that? D. Dude. That was the Great Overlord of Darkness or whatever. You can't just— He totally can. He's The Noise.

[lysendesteiner]

The metamorphosis is about to begin. Objective: kill the hamster. You have been turning and turning blindly inside the wheel for too long, stuck inside the inertia of a Ferris wheel. Everything is (and has been) an absurd repetition. Some species of insects, amphibians, molluscs, crustaceans, cnidarians and echinoderms undergo transformations. But you don't visualise jellyfish, frogs or butterflies in the time you spend collapsed on the sofa. You see a snake that bites its own tail forming a circle: the ouroboros, a circle circling within a circle; a symbol of senseless struggle, the cyclical nature of events and the impossibility of something new beginning despite all efforts.

— Miren Agur Meabe. Burning Bones