#absolutely not you heathen

[maircries]

“Can you write a memo for us with this language? It’s a little hard so you don’t have to get it back to us until next week.”

Sit down gov boy I’m gonna pause writing my 58k and counting yaoi fanfiction to spit out a very professional and technically proficient memorandum and let you know this reads more like a contract and it will only require a few edits, it took me 15 minutes

[serious-goose]

Ed said "What would you have me do, Captain, to restore my reputation?"

Everyone on Ao3:

[waywardwendy]

We don’t talk about this enough imho

The absolute

*Gay Drama*

Bonus 🖤:

[simplydnp]

dan's refusal to look at the audience while reading the sexy endscreen request 🤣

[crispyjenkins]

FINALLY got you on my dash again, only to discover you've written an AC fic that you are giving us dribs and drabs of, heathen *shakes prison cell bars* please tell me more about "Miles" before I combust

HI UR MY NEW FAVORITE (part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4)

  “Your name is not Miles.”

  Desmond tenses for a barely a moment before relaxing again, and doesn’t bother to look up from the hidden blade he’s tweaking to have a faster release. Even if he didn’t recognise the voice, the dark blur leaning against the doorjamb out of the corner of his eye would tell Desmond sure as anything who had come to haunt the armoury at his side. “Of course it isn’t,” Desmond eventually mutters to Francesco Vecellio, the only one of Ezio’s brotherhood to wear dark gray instead of white.

  Francesco snorts, eyeing Desmond from under the beak of his hood, Desmond’s own pushed down around his shoulders to better see by lantern-light. “You should have thought to pick a more common name if you did not want others to question it.”

  “ ’Should have thought to pick anything before I showed up.” He grinds his chisel a little deeper into the metal casing of his blade, and then nearly cuts himself slipping on it when Francesco gives a startled laugh.

  “You didn’t have one prepared?”

  Desmond blinks up at Ezio’s highest-ranked protégé, not sure if he should feel embarrassed or not. “I, uh. Didn’t think that far ahead?”

  And for someone who had managed nine years evading Templars and Assassins both, you’d think he’d have known better.

  The look Francesco gives him tells Desmond he feels the same. “You’re smarter than that, fratellino.”

  Desmond scowls. “Well, obviously I’m not.”

  “... You snuck into the main headquarters of the Italian Brotherhood in less than an hour and then fooled us all into thinking you were supposed to be here for nearly a week — Machiavelli isn’t sure even our Padrone could have managed that.”

  Swallowing uncomfortably, Desmond scoffs and tries to return to his hidden blade, but that still leaves his entire profile in view of Francesco’s far-too-discerning gaze. And he’s the only one other than Desmond to have been training for this since childhood: his observation skills are beaten only by Ezio, and even that is mostly thanks to his Eagle Vision.

  Actually, Francesco is a born Assassin, too, does he have EV?

  “Miles–”

  “Do you have the Sight?”

  They blink at each other, and Desmond isn’t sure who is more surprised by the interruption. Snarky he may be, Desmond has also had politeness beaten into him, and deference besides, and everyone in the Brotherhood had clocked it.

  “To an extent,” Francesco eventually admits, sounding puzzled, “Nothing so refined as il Padrone’s.” He looks away, crossing his arms over his chest. “It is... finicky, I can only use it while motionless, and it really only tells me if someone means me harm.”

  Desmond bites back the offer to help train his EV into something far more useful — it would never reach the level of Altaïr’s, or Ezio’s, or Ratonhnhaké:ton’s, because that had more than a little to do with Isu fuckery. However, the Levantine Assassins (at least until Altaïr’s death, though it was Al Mualim who started the practice) were able to train most initiates to have at least some grasp of the technique, as long as they had that genetics-dictated spark to start with. Desmond was lucky enough for his time in the Animus to awaken his own Vision, and living as Ezio slowly mastering it into Eagle Sense had improved it in leaps and bounds for Desmond on the outside, and prepared him for experiencing Ratonhnhaké:ton’s advanced form of it. Though that, and Eagle Sense, never actually awakened in Desmond Miles.

  But “Miles” hasn’t told this Brotherhood that he has Altaïr’s Sight, Ezio’s Gift, partly because Desmond forgot they didn’t know, but now it’s also an active decision, because it would without a doubt make them insist he’s Ezio’s son with even more conviction. And until Desmond has figured out what he’s going to tell Ezio about the whole time-travel–thing, he isn’t going to confirm or deny anything the other members cook up.

  Except Desmond watches Francesco tilt his head, and then his eyes burn golden for just a moment. “Why do you ask?”

  He’s smart enough to guess, but he’s also smart enough not to assume, and patiently waits for Desmond’s response.

  Ahh, fuck it, he’s already screwed up this whole identity thing by talking with Claudia (not that he meant to reveal so much to her but, well, she’s Ezio’s baby sister. And [redacted]. Fuck, time travel is so weird).

  He looks up from his carving again to flash his eyes right back, and is more than gratified to see Francesco glow a steady, deep blue. He tends to avoid looking at the Brotherhood with his EV, he’s too much of a coward to confirm just what they actually think of him, and he’s only looked at Ezio once, before they properly met.

  Francesco smiles in the shadow of his hood, seemingly pleased with Desmond trusting him with such a secret. “Does il Padrone know?” he asks without judgement, and Desmond winces as he looks back down at his tinkering.

  “No, I... I became so used to it that I didn’t think to mention it, and then it had been so long that it was... awkward?” He chuckles nervously at admitting such a weakness, especially when he’s pretty sure this is the longest conversation he’s had with Ezio’s star pupil. He has double blades, for Christ’s sake, despite not being a Master Assassin.

  Oh. Is Desmond jealous of Francesco? Hm, something to think about.

  “And then you did not want the others gossiping,” Francesco agrees, nodding like that is the obvious conclusion. Desmond still doesn’t relax, but he’s glad he didn’t have to spell that out for him.

  Desmond scratches the bridge of his nose awkwardly. “I’m not Master Ezio’s son, but I don’t think any of our siblings would believe me if I tried to tell them that.” And hadn’t finding out his real parentage been an absolute trip; he’s still scarred mentally and physically from it. Which reminds him, he should respond to his mother’s last letter before she begins to worry about him taking too long.

  Having a mother to care about him is... still an experience he’s getting used to. It’s only been, what, two years since he found her again?

  She had glowed a blue so dark it was almost black, a colour Desmond hadn’t seen even once in either of his lives, or the lives he’d lived in the Animus. He knows she kisses her letters before sending them from the indigo left behind like lipstick.

  ... Which is also how Desmond found out he had progressed from Eagle Vision to Eagle Sense, which was also the point he realised he hadn’t told Ezio about his EV in the first place.

  “I believe you.”

  It’s said so simply, Francesco even gives a little shrug, but Desmond whips his head back around and is... absolutely floored. As dehumanised and used as he was in the 21st century, his little jaunt to the past has almost been worse, if he lets himself think about it too hard (and he never does). People don’t just... believe in Desmond.  Something must show on his face, because Francesco offers him a tight smile. Then, blessedly, he changes the subject and nods to Desmond’s hands, “What are you working on?”

-

[thelaundrybitch]

laundry my dear i would like to pick your brain if i could. i’m having some trouble with my bay donnie playlist, there’s something missing and i’m not sure what. so can i please ask, what are your top 5 favorite songs for donnie?

Lucky!! My dear friend!

I think I have a very different take on Donnie than a lot of peeps.

So I guess that's my "fair warning" for my chosen faves 😅

So without further ado...

Love in Slow Motion - Ed Sheeran

Sunshine - One Republic

Comethru - Jeremy Zucker & Bea Miller

Hands on Me - Jason Derulo & Meghan Trainor

Fresh Eyes - Andy Grammer

2002 - Anne-Marie

I know you only asked for 5 but you got a bonus one LOL

ALSO

Death By Donnie

There's my Spotify playlist I have for him for writing purposes 💖

I feel so special that you asked for some music from me 😭🫶🏼

Also PLEASE PICK MY BRAIN! I love it!!!!

[queerofthedagger]

my fave beer brand is trying to gaslight me into believing they haven't changed the recipe and the amount of madness i feel about this is perhaps the most german thing about me 💀

[fatestouch]

Name: Moros

Age: ???

Species: God Spirit

Moros, the Greek God Spirit of Doom, the personified force that drives humanity to it's destined deadly fate, released from Pandora's Jar. At constant war with False Hope, who prevents them from granting mortals the ability to foresee their own deaths.

They are a harbinger of the suffering of mankind... and so is False Hope. It's why they were both locked away in the Jar, but Hope believes that their hope is good. But denying that which is inevitable and hoping for anything else is suffering it itself, is it not?

Moros will make Hope realize that.

[unibrowzz]

My Favourite Songs Poll: The 80s

Just realised I'm gonna have to do one of these for the 00s, aren't I? 🤮

Same deal as the previous two polls, pick your favourite from my favourites, no winning entries because screw you.

Songs under the cut as usual.

[nebulousbrainsoup]

shit, the boys need me for the album. ill text you later, jagiya ❤️

get out of my inbox and back to work, jung wooyoung!! i won't take the fall this time if you piss off hongjoong 😤

[euphorial-docx]

hey. yeah. don’t move the furniture in your hotel rooms. because you will break it. and moving all the furniture back will add another 20 minutes to my day.

[local-queer-classicist]

Realizing that not everyone has the same synesthesia as you is wild. What do you mean not everyone thinks Wednesday is orange? What other color would it be?

[thelaundrybitch]

*grins like an impish 5 year old*

If I told you, then that would sort of defeat the purpose of being AnOnYmOuS now wouldn't my dear~😏😉

Oh and do please keep being feral in the tags darling. Tis quite diverting. I've even screenshotted some of them for a rainy day they're that good

Listen, AnOnYmOuS.

*squints*

I like you and I don't even know who you are

You do realize what you've done, right?

*feral laundrybitch noises intensify*

[wheresmulder]

Do all capricorns eat fucked up food my bff puts ice in her milk and D'Arcy eats cold hot dogs out the package wtf is wrong with yall fr

[darckcarnival]

soooo when are you gonna finally hook up for real and settle down or let someone in more permanently? like an actual ACTUAL relationship, with real dates, and real house keys shared, that sort of thing?

Darck blinked once.

Twice.

And then she was laughing out loud.

What a suddenly out of the blue question! And for what reason? Honestly! She could not help that laugh which escaped her in the moment, followed by one hand resting upon her own hip as the other pushed back some of that long hair. A shake of the head made it fluff back into place as swift as it had been moved back. "Me? Really? What kinda question..."

"You must be new here. For one, I'm dead." Was that a joke? Was it literal? Sarcasm? Hard to tell with that little shirt smirk on her face. "Besides, I'm married to my work and my gremlin energy, wouldn't give that up for anything. I am only myself after all!"

This was saying nothing of just what else might be lingering deeper behind those purple sunglasses. Hidden away and buried under anxieties, trauma's, and fears. It's just better to have fun and a good time at surface level. "I'm not exactly the tame type you know. Have you SEEN me?"

[kittysteal]

dash is horny tonight 😳