#absolute downright WORST character in the franchise

[ohnoitstbskyen]

(kindly leave the person in the screenshot alone. I have blocked them, I don't want to interact with them, and neither should you, especially not to "defend" me)

I'm getting quite tired of seeing this nonsense, so let's do a quick summary post in case I need it later.

STEP 1: Platinum Games screws the absolute pooch on Bayonetta 3, pissing off their fan-base and gravely disappointing a lot of queer fans by swerving Bayonetta into a fairly out of nowhere romantic relationship with previously-mostly-comic-relief charming idiot character Luka. It's pretty universally panned as a dumb move at best, and downright hostile to the game's most passionate fanbase at worst.

STEP 2: A subset of fans use this bad game decision as a reason to start denying that the Bayonetta franchise has queer text or subtext at all. They argue, explicitly, that because Bayonetta ended up in a male/female relationship then she cannot be queer, and that her queerness can only exist or be considered a valid interpretation of her character if she ends up in a same-sex relationship. This is, by the extremely literal definition of the term, bi-erasure and a form of biphobia.

This is not all or most of the criticism of Bayonetta 3, but it is some of it. I see it happening live on social media, I have to block a few people because of it, and it boils my piss, to be quite frank.

STEP 3: Ty Galiz-Rowe, a nonbinary bisexual transmasc games writer, notices this tendency too, and pens a piece for Gayming Magazine called "Bayonetta 3 is bringing out people’s biphobia in a big way" which you can read here. In the piece, he voices a criticism of this tendency, and cites the work of a few other writers, including some who are bisexual themselves.

Those writers don't much appreciate the criticism, and Galiz-Rowe has a fairly civil discussion with them on Twitter about it that, as far as I can tell, ends amicably, with Galiz-Rowe admitting they wrote some of the piece with too much anger and directed some unfair criticisms. I do not believe the piece itself has been edited or amended, but Galiz-Rowe discussed some reflections about it on their personal twitter.

STEP 4: I retweet the article, because yeah, I have seen this biphobia going around and it annoys me too, and I think Galiz-Rowe did a good job putting words to the upset. I write a short thread getting rather heated about people denying the queer subtext (actually screw "subtext" it is text) of Bayonetta 2 because she didn't end up with Jeanne in 3. I direct this thread very specifically at people making the argument that "if Bayonetta had a straight relationship then she can't be queer" because that is, by the extremely literal and obvious definition of the term, biphobia.

STEP 5: People who can't separate disagreement from abuse, and who absolutely refuse to learn enough reading comprehension to understand when a thread is or isn't about them, decide to reach the head-ass conclusion above and have been tagging me with their imaginary grievances since October.

It is quite annoying, and I've had enough of ignoring the casual insults, so here's a post I can link to if someone asks about it in the future.

[miilkphone]

im excited to see others in the fandom but if this ever gets big i might just have to gatekeep🙏🏼you know what those freaks would do when they get their grimy little hands on brillian

no im so right actually❤

i hate to say it because i love unbound but malachi is literally the most poorly developed character ive seen in a LONG time

literally, other than them being a depressed blue mf what do they have going for them? they were given too big of a role, if J.S. Stiles really wanted to write a DECENT character with this big of a role, she should've AT LEAST put more into them outside of "harhar tall as blueberry with depression swing around sword weeeeee"

Now their other characters? Phenomenal, absolutely lovely i love them all to bits but malachi? No. No thank you, not in my house if you actually enjoy this underdeveloped knock off demon slayer smurf then you can [disrespectfully] pack your bags and LEAVE.

ive come to make an announcement malachi the zyxian is a bitchass mfer

if i ever saw them irl im throwing hands

also hiiii to the other few ppl keeping this fandom alive

[thehollowprince]

Sterek, Thiam, & Queerbaiting, Oh My!

(Or how racism and homophobia suppressed the actual representation of gay men in the show that fandom so desperately claimed they wanted.)

So, I'm just going to come out and say it right off the bat: neither of these ships were actually queerbaiting. As a matter of fact, I'd say that those ships just by themselves (and the fandoms that rose around them) were low-key homophobic. The reason I say this isn't just because of the large number of women in this fandom that fetishize mlm sexuality, nor is it about those who attack anyone who has any critique of those ships, its just about the ships themselves.

Now, one could argue that those ships arose from the fandom, and that is true, forever linking canon and fanon in the worst possible way, but this is more to do with the fact that the production of this show cowtowed to the vocal fans on Twitter and put moments in there that, while not explicitly canon, was a not-so-subtle nod to those "fans" that harassed people over crack ships.

Of course, I've been over this before, the pedophilic nature of Sterek and the outright abusive elements to Thiam, but those very real complaints (from an actual gay man like myself) always fall on deaf ears or is usually met with the whole "fiction doesn't affect reality" spiel. And this is incredibly frustrating (or even downright infuriating) to those of us who have had to live with these stereotypes because of our sexuality. To this day there are people out there who equate gay men with pedophiles. That's one of the major talking points for these anti-LGBT religious groups and there's an entire group of people on the internet who are dedicated to promoting a predatory style relationship (Sterek).

What makes the popularity of Sterek so infuriating, is the fact that we had Danny right there. Danny was present in the second episode of the series. We were introduced to him before there was any kind of interaction between Stiles and Derek, and yet he is continually slept on by the fandom, and then by the production as a result of the fandom, which eventually led to Danny just disappearing from the show entirely. To add insult to injury, Danny was practically everything Fandom was crying for when it came to gay representation. He was handsome with a nice body, smart and funny, and everyone liked him, and yet there's usually cricket chirps whenever he's mentioned. Something similar happened to Scott - a character that who stuck fast to his morals and was just an all around good person, and yet so many people violently hated him. Now what could Danny and Scott have in common that made so many people look past them? Gee, I wonder?

Moving forward, once Sterek was no longer a possibility, rather than focus on, I don't know, Mason, a character that was tailor-made for the fandom, they once again make up a crack ship to flock around (Thiam) rather than focus on the actual, consensual relationship that was made up of actual gay characters.

But you may be saying to yourself, "at least these two (Theo and Liam) were around the same age", and you would be right in that regards. But what makes this ship bad, is that it's rooted entirely in first deceit and then later in physical violence. I remember very vividly seeing someone say that Liam and Theo punching each other was how they expressed their affection and I was horrified by that. How many times a day on this app do we see posts floating around that domestic violence is wrong? And then how many times do you see a ship (usually a crack ship) that a fandom loves rooted in physical violence? The disconnect is terrifying.

All of this while Mason and Corey were right there, being cute and in love and everything that fandom claims they want when it comes to representation, yet they're totally ignored in favor of the two straight characters beating the shit out of one another. This is why so many franchises revolving around these "macho men" are able to thrive, even though so many people (mostly women) in fandom claim they want softer men. And yet, whenever a softer man is presented, particularly if they're a man of color, they're brushed aside.

And that's just mlm representation! You hear almost nothing when it comes to wlw representation, unless its to get the women "out of the way".

This all comes down to the racism that permeates every level of fandom. I'm not saying this is intentional, because we've all done it. Hell, I did it. When I joined the Teen Wolf fandom, I followed pro-Sterek blogs and reblogged Sterek posts, because I wanted to be accepted in the fandom, and I bought into the propaganda that was fanon!Sterek. I read the metas and the fics and decided to believe in those instead of what I saw on the screen with my own two eyes. Thankfully, I snapped out of it, but that's why Sterek (and later Thiam) dominated fandom spaces, even making their way to polls for "Best Couple" on many websites.

And then, when these ships don't become canon, fandom screams QUEERBAITING!!! Even though those ships were something made up entirely by the fandom and never something that production considered being canon.

Another big part of how the situation gets as bad as it does is that fandom misunderstands (either accidentally or deliberately) what racism actually means. It's not just the throwing of slurs, it's the preference of the white character over the character of color, even though the latter has everything they said they wanted. Racism is reducing characters of color to stereotypes, such as a brown or brown person being violent (Tamora and Kali) or the sexually obsessed Latino (Scott) or the untrustworthy negro (Deaton and Morrell). Hell, even Boyd was thrust into the silent negro stereotype for some reason.

Now this part, this is as much the production's fault as it is the fandoms, because while the former introduced those concepts (or even if fandom thinks they introduced those concepts) fandom then takes them and blows them out of proportion. How many times have I gotten an ask from that one anon telling me that Scott was "obsessed" with Allison? How many times have I seen metas about how Deaton was "untrustworthy" because he didn't share his every waking thought? How many times did we see particular blogs slut-shame Braeden because she engaged in a consensual relationship with Derek?

And the thing about those is, yes, the original idea was introduced in the show, such as Scott's relationship with Allison or Deaton only offering advice when asked or Derek and Braeden flirting, but fandom took them and cranked them up to eleven in an effort to make these characters look horrible. This is something we don't see at all when it comes to their white counterparts. Stiles is never described as "obsessed" by the fandom despite his fixation on Lydia. Peter is almost never described as "untrustworthy" by the fans despite lying and decieving people all the time. Neither Lydia or Malia are called sluts for being sexually active despite not being in relationships.

When Derek repeatedly assaults Stiles (or Scott, not that fandom cared), it's seen as quirky or romantic (same with Thiam), but when Scott hits Isaac or Jackson, in scenes that were very specifically shown to be comedic, its seen as abusive and violent. Stiles asking Danny if he's "attractive to gay guys" or pausing after Caitlin asked him if he liked guys is deemed proof that he's bisexual, but Scott's interactions with Isaac and Danny (or even Stiles himself), where had they been a guy and a girl, it would have clearly been an intimate moment, is still considered absolutely straight by fandom.

So what's the difference?

It's the racism.

The real kicker at the end of the day here is that fans cry queerbaiting, all the while they're actively sleeping on the actual gay representation that's there. It doesn't fit their aesthetic, so they ignore it, and then wonder why mlm relationships are going down in television. I'm not saying we shouldn't want or demand more representation in media, but people can't be so ignorant as to outright ignore the representation they're given and then wonder why they're not getting more.

Well, this got way longer than I originally intended and I hope I'm not just screaming into the void, but this is an issue that's still relevant, all these years after Teen Wolf ended.

[spiralhigh]

ranking the sdr2 cast by how much their formal wear hits

this is just my opinion, but my opinions are great and i know what i’m talking about! this will be long so it’s under a cut

S TIER:

s tier is reserved for only the best of them all, the cream of the crop, the fit that i would gladly lay down my life for. s tier is the crown jewel. s tier is what everyone else should strive to be... but only one can take the prize.

#1: AKANE OWARI

the undisputed champion. this look is everything to me. EVERYTHING. the red-trim cape with the fur. the contrast of the airy, gathered blouse with those skin-tight shiny (leather? vinyl??) pants. the pumps. the belt that screams disco style. the necklace accentuating the tasteful titty window. the red white and gold color scheme  are you FUCKING WITH ME miss owari this look could bring ARMIES to their KNEES in an INSTANT. whoever drew this deserves full creative control of the danganronpa franchise and i’m not kidding

A TIER:

a tier is for the fits that frankly own bones. they’re not as jaw-dropping and legendary as owari, but they’re still razor as hell and deserve to be met with riotous applause.

#2: KAZUICHI SOUDA

kazuichi, i didn’t know you had it in you, but this FUCKS. the character of the pins on the lapels, the sneakers, and the mispinned tie. the absolute CLASS of the suspenders, watch, and tiny round glasses. the handsome slick in the hair now that the greasy beanie is gone. the tasteful highwater. he looks like the host of the larry king show if the larry king show was exclusively about ska bands and he has never looked better

#3: HIYOKO SAIONJI

tell me this isn’t the cutest shit. the colors here are EXQUISITE. the bright notes from the blue on top, the way the soft pink is a perfect middle ground of the pink + white flowers on her sleeves, the subtle way the green in her bow matches the green in her collar, the white petals breaking up the sky blue that might otherwise look out of place? remarkable. stunning.

#4: PEKO PEKOYAMA

the ELEGANCE is EVERYTHING here. the monochrome is offset by just a splash of red that ties everything together with her eyes and the flower in her hair, the checkerboard pattern is visually interesting but not distracting, and her hair in that loose ponytail with the little white ribbon? ugh. ADORABLE! but most of all, look at those BOOTS. those CUTE LITTLE HEELS on those SICK LACE-UP BOOTS..... QUEEN shit!!!

#5: CHIAKI NANAMI

rounding out our a tier is chiaki in this adorable little dress just LOOK at her!!! she looks like a little rose, a perfect flouncy skirt with a glittery mesh overlay, a fun and fresh over-the-shoulder collar, a fucking big old bow tied in the back?? i can literally feel the way this dress would feel in my hands. it’s simple and perfect and frankly a GORGEOUS color on her this is flawless

B TIER:

b tier is a perfectly respectable place to be. these fits lack the lustre and flavor of the a tier entries, but they’re still dressed to impress and they still look fine as hell.

#6: TERUTERU HANAMURA

say what you will about teruteru (and i do) but this suit is ADORABLE and it fits in with his theme + talent better than any other mfer on this list. the tasteful white/brown/red palette gives it a flashy chocolate cookie look, which is amplified in the fun pattern on the jacket. the chef’s hat switching out for a little top hat and the way the cumberbund looks a lil bit like a chocolate bar is also VERY cute

#7: THE IMPOSTOR

now on its own, the suit is just alright. a vibrant pinstripe blue three-piece with the classic red tie wouldn’t land the impostor in b tier on its own... but that FUR COAT, LUXURIOUSLY DRAPED OVER THE SHOULDERS does WONDERS to pull this look together. not only is it worn with “yeah, it’s real mink, no, you can’t touch it” confidence, but it also ties the otherwise arbitrary white loafers into the structure of the look. it’s subtle and class as hell.

C TIER

c tier is full of looks that are... fine, but ultimately either are boring, lack cohesion, or have a confusing design choice or two that make it hard to get all that amped about. c tier is a passing grade, but nothing more.

#8: NAGITO KOMAEDA

there’s a lot that’s good about this outfit, but there’s also a lot that doesn’t really work. let’s start with the good: the slutty loose bowtie and collar, the tight-fitting vest that ends before the hipbones so you can see the belt, the cute little ponytail? (chefs kiss) exquisite, all of it. but the suit itself is boring as sing, and who the hell decided to put the t-shirt symbol on the sleeves??? was it to add visual flavor to an otherwise bland suit? this does NOT have the black/white/red elegance that peko had.

#9: FUYUHIKO KUZURYUU

the silver and gold mob-boss look, complete with matching shoes vest and fedora, are a nice nod to fuyuhiko’s talent! the plaid is teetering on the edge between fun and garish to me, but the fact that it’s consistent and the only pattern means it isn’t too offensive. quick question though: why are his pant legs rolled up like that?? this isn’t a cute “cuffed at the ankle” look, dude looks like he had to wade across a pond to get to the venue. what gives

#10: GUNDAM TANAKA

out of everyone here, gundam’s suit might be the most boring of all. the scarf is just his normal scarf. the red tie and trim don’t do anything to tie the look together. the only mild point of interest is the asymmetrical vest, and i can’t even tell if that’s intentional. simply put, this “““fancy”““ outfit isn’t even in the same ZIP CODE as the level of ostentatious chuuni that gundam serves us every single day in his casual wear. maybe even worse than being ugly... it’s disappointing.

#11: IBUKI MIODA

now, look. is this dress buckwild and ugly as hell? yes. but you know what else it is? it is IBUKI MIODA’S DRESS. there might not be a single cohesive thing about this dress aside from its color scheme. the huge poofy ruffles of the skirt and arm things with the spiked bow and corset are baffling. the artist somehow managed to draw the awkward, clumping shape of the skirt to make it look exactly like an emergency cosplay sewn four hours before a convention. frankly, i can’t justify ranking it as a c! but i’m doing it anyway, because the sheer level of craftsmanship demands it, and in this house we respect diy queens that are totally off the shits.

D TIER:

d tier is for outfits that aren’t offensive, exactly... but like, they sure don’t look good! d tier is not a respectable place to be. those in d tier won’t be laughed out of the ceremony in shame, but they should really run their outfit by someone else first next time.

#12: NEKOMARU NIDAI

now don’t get me wrong: i have nothing but respect for the titties-out look. keeping the shirt unbuttoned all the way down to where the lapels of the jacket end? that’s sexy as hell. however, this flawless idea has a confusing execution. why emerald green and orange? what’s with the... long-sleeved printed (hawaiian?) shirt? why the red pocket square? and the jacket itself, while fitted perfectly along the chest and midsection, has a weird, unflattering scallop shape flaring out at the bottom. i want to like this fit, but there are just too many bad choices.

#13: HAJIME HINATA

oh, hajime... literally nothing about this ensemble is it. the creamy manila suit might have had potential if there were literally any color variation in the vest (or potentially shoes) to give it a little more shape, or even if you just went with a white shirt underneath it! i could get behind a light, off-monochrome look! but that leprechaun-green shirt is downright perplexing to me. it looks like a mistake! did you get dressed in the dark? did you spill something on your other shirt? this is a mess.

F TIER:

f tier is inexcusable. f tier should never have happened. how does it get this bad. who did this? who’s responsible for this?

#14: SONIA NEVERMIND

y’know, the colors are pretty! i dig the white and teal! but... girl... what the fuck is this construction. the ruffles are all over the place. the bodice looks like it has less fabric than space it needs to cover. the bottom half of the skirt looks like it was sewn on as an afterthought because the top half was too short for dress code. what’s with the weird choker collar detached from everything else. why is the hairband a slightly different shade of green. so many decisions were made here and none of them are flattering

#15: MAHIRU KOIZUMI

yknow, i like the idea behind this. i can see what you were going for! the dress on its own might have worked, even! but everything else about it is just... so ugly. what the fuck is happening with those shoes??? the sheer black tights aren’t the sexy OL look you think they are. the collar of the dress looks like it’s... braided for some reason??? those earrings are so huge for no payoff, statement jewelry with nothing to say, and worst of all... that headband. GIRL. that headband and that belt...... there’s nothing here. also i love orange but it’s not her color.

and finally... the worst.

#16: MIKAN TSUMIKI

what the fuck. what the fuck is this. this is straight up cheap rubber fetish gear. why is the HAT rubber? that skirt ruffle makes this look like fucking polly pocket clothes. why the fuck is she wearing that. the clothes are so bad that it makes her hair look like rubber too. was she dared to wear this? is this some cruel punishment? i don’t even know what to say. this is the worst possible outfit. there is not even one redeeming quality about it.

[minaminokyoko]

A Love Letter to ‘Knives Out’

Disclaimer: This isn’t even a review. This is literally just me freaking out about what a great movie I just bloody watched and I just need to vomit words everywhere about it. Sorry in advance.

I think the best thing ever is I went into this with zero information. I remember seeing the original trailer months ago, but it wasn’t detailed. Just the short one of the premise, and to be honest, I’m not really into Whodunits. Clue is one of the exceptions and Castle is the only detective-related thing I’ve ever liked and followed religiously (up until the final godawful two seasons), so I have no predisposition to even care about murder mysteries. But then Rian Johnson dangled the juicy carrot of Chris Evans playing against type (because we all know the man is a sweetie and I can personally vouch that he’s great at hugs) and so I decided to add it to my watchlist. Then the reviews came pouring in that it was great, which surprised me, and so I decided to take a leap of faith to see if the hype was real.

Oh God, was it ever.

Y’all know me by now. I’m a hard, cynical old bitch. It’s tough to impress me, but fucking hell, I really loved Knives Out.

It’s not that it does anything new; it’s that it is a fresh, creative spin on tropes we’re used to and it’s also the strong performances that just make it a delightful film. It’s kooky and dark and offbeat. It’s charming. It’s wonderfully political. It’s irreverent. This is the niche kind of writing that I adore. It’s why I’ve loved shows like Frasier or movies like Snatch. I love the interwoven mess between the plot and the characters and everything coming to light in a big explosion.

Spoilers down below for my talking points, naturally.

I want to start with Marta, simply because I love how this movie framed the character as innocent, but not stupid, useless, or weak. I love that she had a great relationship with Harlan. I love that Harlan didn’t have any evil ulterior motives. It was simply a man who looked around and realized that he thought he was providing for his family but all he really was doing was supporting selfish, downright cruel people. That family basically just siphoned off of him and had the entitlement complex that is currently killing this country right this fucking second. It was very satisfying when he left them nothing and gave Marta the money and the choice of what to do. The final shot of the movie is genius.

Which segways into probably my second favorite thing about the movie: the commentary about the entitled upperclass versus the working class immigrant. The whole Trump debate during the party made me groan because we all just wrapped up three holidays, so I know that people were having to go home for the holidays and listen to the broken-ass logic of their Trump supporter relatives. Especially since they dragged Marta into the bullshit conversation. I LOVE the writing of having this girl who busted her ass, who listened, who was a genuinely good person, still being able to be a good person in the end after one hell of an ordeal. I loved how the movie poked all kinds of holes in the fake narrative of inheritance and immigration and patriotism. Fuck that. This country isn’t some holy land. This country was stolen from the people who were born here and then they built a fake fucking pedestal on top of the mass graves and proclaimed it theirs. Fuck that revision history and fuck the people who believe these lies. This movie is so satisfying because it’s a giant middle finger to those people and it’s a reminder that the future is these hardworking, kind people who care about society and they are the ones who have earned all the good things this country has to offer.

I also love the examples of bigotry and microaggressions that were more subtle. The WASPs in this movie don’t even realize the backhanded compliments and the truly insulting shit that they do since they’re so entitled. For example, Richard handing Marta his plate while he was arguing for Trump. That’s brilliantly done. He thinks of her as a servant while he pretends she’s on equal footing: saying one thing and yet his actions prove the opposite. There’s also Meg’s comment of “we’re his REAL family,” showing that those bastards all will smile and welcome you until the second you cease to be useful to them and then they show you just how truly ugly they are beneath those “civil” masks. When the will was read, it was the exact shitshow we all knew it would be. That was a great representation of the upper class. It’s not about being loud and racist; it’s all those subtle, hideous things they do to suppress people of color and the working class so they can stay on top where they think they belong. This narrative is powerfully woven in that regard and I really needed to hear this story in today’s climate, especially since we just started 2020 today, which could be the end of everything all over again. I applaud the writing. As a woman of color, I see this kind of shit every single day, especially now that I work in higher education, so I really hope it opens more eyes to the shit that not only immigrants but working class POC deal with on a daily basis. I likened it to Zootopia, where you came to the movie for one reason but then you were served an absolutely piping hot side dish alongside the entrée. Well done, Knives Out. Well done.

I need to give a nod to this powerhouse cast as well. I forgot Michael Shannon was in this movie so seeing him made me giddy, as I’ve always liked him since he’s so damn sinister. He’s a great antagonist actor and I almost wish he’d been given more to do. Jamie Lee Curtis did great as well.

But y’all know what’s coming. I mean, look at my profile picture. You know I have to stop and talk about my future husband’s performance.

Chris Evans as a villain.

Not only that, but Chris Evans as a GREAT villain.

Oh, God, pass me the cigarette.

We all knew from his work in the MCU that the man can act his fine America’s ass off, but boy, did I really like his role here. I compare it to Chris Hemsworth in the godawful movie Bad Times at the El Royale, because while that is one of the worst movies of the decade, it was extremely smart in casting Hemsworth in the villain role. Why? Because it sold the believable factor. Chris Hemsworth is so handsome and charismatic that he COULD in fact be a creepy ass cult leader. You take one look at that man’s chest and tell me you wouldn’t fight a smelly hippie to jump in his bed. Damn right I’d be in a Chris Hemsworth cult. Point being, Chris Evans as the handsome but cruel Hugh was phenomenal. I really enjoyed seeing everything unfold. He did such a great job. It’s all the more satisfying knowing that in real life, he’s the cutest, sweetest goofball on earth. I’m so delighted he took this role because he knocked it out of the park.

Which brings me to my next point.

I’m gonna be a basic fangirl bitch for a second here. Just hear me out.

I’d LOVE an alternate ending to this movie where Hugh didn’t do it.

I know, I know. That’s super basic and dumb and I know part of it is because I just wanted to like Hugh anyway, but it actually would be a great piece of storytelling if you changed the ending.

In this premise, Marta really did mix up the bottles and accidentally killed Harlan. Well, what I would change is that Hugh really did have a benevolent epiphany and he decides to come back to stick it to his shitass family and he figures out what Marta did and decides to help her so she’ll slip him his cut. Then the rest of the film is Hugh and Marta trying to cover the rest of their tracks so that Blanc doesn’t piece together Marta’s accidental crime. Over the course of helping her, Hugh gets to know her and they become friends, so by the time they pull it all off—mind you, I’m ambiguous in this AU, I’d be fine if the detective works it out but lets them cover it up or if they actually manage to just destroy all the evidence so he can’t convict her and he admits defeat—he’s now invested and doesn’t accept the money when she goes to pay him. Bonus points if he falls in love with her during the cover up. It’s not necessary, but I saw a couple little sparks, so I think it would be very cute if Hugh and Marta hooked up to protect each other from the horrible family and build their own empire together. But that’s me.

Trust me, this movie is brilliant as written. It doesn’t need that alternate ending. But I have to admit it got my mind churning about what a fantastic character arc it could be if Hugh hadn’t been the bad guy and he and Marta learned things about each other and formed a friendship. I’m a writer, it’s kind of a hobby, sorry. I hope I’m not the only one who thought that, but we’ll see.

I’m so glad I started 2020 with this film. It’s a rare gem. I can’t wait for it to get on DVD, because I am gonna snag it asap and watch it again. What a romp. It’s also gratifying in a petty way that J.J. Abrams went out of his way to undo Rian Johnson’s work in the Star Wars franchise and it’s backfiring majorly critically speaking meanwhile Knives Out is getting bomb ass good reviews, so good for you, Rian. Your revenge is at hand. #TEAMPETTY

I can’t recommend this hard enough. If you love murder mysteries or if you just love Clue-style quirky black comedy, please see Knives Out. It’s worth every red dime, to quote the movie.

Kyo out.

[noonmutter]

Mun Dash Game

Rules: Name your top 10 favorite characters from 10 different fandoms and then tag 10 people.

Editor’s note: These are in no ranked order or anything like that, they’re just ten favorites as I could think of them.

Bismuth - Steven Universe. You may notice a theme here; I like my characters complex, their motivations valid, their decisions misguided, and their actions questioned by everyone, often including themselves. I loved Bismuth’s entire concept and I’m sad that she hasn’t had more time front and center to develop beyond her introduction as both a plot device and as a catalyst for Steven’s advancement. Same story with Jasper, though she got a few more appearances. I want to see these people grow and for the people they hurt to grow with them, damn it. Even if that growth is downward into an even worse state, I want to see it because positive or negative, emotional fallout is awesome.

Demona - Gargoyles. There was going to be a Gargoyles character here and I am basically legally obligated to pick either Demona or Thailog because I am a sucker for great voices and tragic villains. Demona’s story wins out by a decent margin because her suffering was entirely borne of her own poor decisions, many of which she felt were right at the time. She just refused to accept that she was wrong or that she could try to make things better at any time, and I was fascinated by that from the first time I saw it. This shit was in a kids’ show that predates Steven Universe by 19 years.

Baby Doll - Batman: TAS. She only showed up once (in the original animation style, anyway) but good god damn did it count. She was angry, hurt, belittled, and so unbearably lonely that when everything fell apart and the dust settled and she couldn’t kill all her problems away, she just broke down. “Why couldn’t you just let me make believe?!” is still crystallized in my head, and it still gives me little pangs when I think of it. And at the end of it all, she sobbed “I didn’t mean to” as she hugged Batman’s leg. And he comforted her. Also in a kids’ show that predates Steven Universe by 21 years.

Scanlan Shorthalt - Critical Role, Campaign 1. I bet you thought after those first three it’d probably be Vax or Percy, but... Look, the character was fantastic and the player made him that way and frankly made that campaign. He’s my go-to for when I need a good cry, and he’s why I learned to build a bard. The same man who started the campaign by asking his bestie what the worst race/class combo was and saying “Okay I’ll play that,” at the end of the campaign made the word “Nine” hit his fellow players and viewers in the chest like a sledgehammer, and nobody has topped that since. His second campaign character, Nott, has also got one of the most poignant backstories I’ve heard in a while, and man will it twist yer gut. Meanwhile both of those characters provide some of the best goddamn comic relief you’re liable to find. Emmy Winner Sam Riegel, ladies and gentlemen.

Francis - Left 4 Dead. I love this grumpy asshole biker. I love that Steam took his “I hate everything” (except vests) schtick and ran with it. I love that the trailers for the second game included him and Rochelle meeting up and commiserating on their hatred of everything, up until Rochelle says she hates his vest and he short-circuits. I miss Francis and I miss playing Left 4 Dead all the time and I yearn for a remaster or rerelease that works better with current setups cuz the original one has uh... not aged well, technologically. Francis and Zoey made life worth livin’ in that game.

Jogurt - Shining Force. This is probably the most obscure one on my list but that’s because Shining Force is an old-ass Genesis game/franchise that is, I admit, pretty generic as far as the plot goes. I love it to pieces regardless because it had some fun with it, and the character designs were wierd and some of the interactions were downright silly. Jogurt was the easter egg secret character in this game, and he’s a little hamster thing with a football helmet on. At the time you get him, most of your fighters have stats in the 20s or potentially 30s and their level is 9, 10, or they’ve been promoted to a new class; every single one of his stats is one and he had not been promoted. If you are able to keep him alive long enough to get him the XP necessary to level up just once, which takes some doing since an enemy can be unarmed and as long as they don’t miss, they kill him, you’ll get a ring called the Yogurt Ring.

When worn, it makes a character look like Jogurt. In the remake for Game Boy Advance, the image for the character shows that it’s a costume with a huge visible zipper up the back. That’s all it does. That’s the joke. And I adore it.

Freddy Krueger - A Nightmare on Elm Street series. I have a love-hate relationship with Freddy. On the one hand, creativity in horror movies--especially in the kills--is something to be embraced, and no matter what else you think of them the Elm Street movies got real fuckin’ creative most of the time. On the other...there have been nine (official) movies with Krueger in them, and only the first three were good. The remake in 2010 was disappointing because it tried to both play to nostalgia and ignore it at the same time and also made Freddy darker, which made him less fun to watch.

Still, I enjoyed the hell outta Freddy’s concept, for much the same reason that I love Chucky the Good Guy Doll so much: they’re both snarky monsters who really enjoy the horrors they’re inflicting and they have incredible presence because of the actors who brought them to life. (Mark Hammill worked with what they gave him for Chucky but uh...what they gave him sucked).

Lorewalker Cho/Margeaux - World of Warcraft. The first, because he’s voiced by Jim Cummings and he’s a knowledge-hungry panda who Blizzard has not been stupid enough to kill off thus far. In the middle of an attack by what is basically Cthulhu, he wants to you bring him research notes on Cthulhu’s fishmen. I love him and I would commit war crimes for him.

The second, because she was a bit character that had me fully invested in her and her story within ten minutes. And then Blizzard ripped my fucking heart out. And I yelled at Questifer about it. Aaaaaaaa.

Granny Weatherwax/Sam Vimes - Discworld. They’re both staggering badasses who have neither time nor tolerance for the bullshit trappings of men, while at the same time harboring a deep and abiding love for their fellow beings. They also approach that from completely different ends. They are also both unquestionably the most noble characters I’ve ever read. They are the sum of their principles and their refusal to budge. Steve Rogers could learn from them. In D&D, they’d be paladins to their core, and they’d absolutely hate that.

Spawn - Image Comics. I have, admittedly, read exactly one Spawn comic book, and mostly love him because of his design, his backstory, and the fact that he’s voiced by Keith David in all animated iterations including video game appearances (and only the animated ones were ever good--the 90s movie was fucking horrible). I am hoping the rumored new movie will make things a bit better for the live-action version, but until that actually comes out, I’m not holding my breath.

Tagged by: @safrona-shadowsun and @ourcollectivefantasy

Tagging: Have you done it? Then you’re it.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael in the Mainstream: Charlie’s Angels

So Elizabeth Banks has said some really controversial things due to this movie failing. I’m not interested in discussing that, really, or I normally wouldn’t be anyway, but it is kind of relevant to the film at hand, sadly. This new reboot of the long-dormant Charlie’s Angels franchise is supposed to be a kickass feminist woman empowerment movie, but it is horrendously undermined by its own writer/director/star’s comment about other women-made films. It’s also undermined by the awful writing, bad acting, cliché plot, terrible effects, and bland cookie cutter action, but of course we need to focus on the fact that this is a big feminist screwup instead of anything substantial, right?

Yes, I absolutely loathe Banks’ comments, but even if she hadn’t said them this would still be an incredibly boring and miserable movie. This movie is so incredibly by-the-numbers, and when it’s not being tired and generic, it’s being hamfisted or even downright gross. Remember those scenes in Captain Marvel where Carol experiences microagressions? Imagine that, except it’s the entire opening of the film, where Kristen Stewart’s character is subjected to gross sexism from a misogynistic villain who she spends quite a bit of time rubbing the junk of with her feet before beating him up. There are far fewer scenes like this than you might expect all things considered, but it does set a pretty dismal tone for the movie at large.

I think the biggest crime is the wasting of Naomi Scott and Kristen Stewart, with Stewart especially being wasted. It’s really sad because Stewart is almost definitely trying her damndest to bring her character to life, but her dialogue and jokes are just so flaccid and don’t land at all. It’s sad when Bella Swan was a better written character than her heroic super spy here; at least Bella never had to give Edward a footjob to distract him. And Naomi Scott’s character is ludicrously roped in to this big espionage mission despite having no real training at all in one of the movies more egregious moments of stupidity.

But perhaps the worst waste of talent is Patrick Stewart. Here he plays John Bosely, and he does nothing but spout the most horrendously stereotypical dialogue he has probably ever had to recite in his career, with his introductory scene being especially painful in this regard. And then, in one of the dumbest twists this film throws at us, Stewart’s Bosely is revealed to be the villain. You know, I’m not one to put on the tinfoil hat, but there are three Boselys in this film – Stewart’s, Djimon Hounsou’s, and Elizabeth Banks’. Hounsou’s Bosely is killed after less than ten minutes of screentime, while Stewart’s Bosely is revealed to be an evil villain, despite the fact that it was hinted that Banks’ Bosely was the bad guy. So a black men is killed and a man is made the villain so the woman can come off and be innocent – and this is something I probably wouldn’t really pick up on or even care about if it weren't for Banks making her comments and making me scrutinize this film in such a way.

Banks really wanted this film to be some action-packed feminist empowerment piece, but it falls short of the lofty heights of Wonder Woman, Aliens, and Kill Bill and lands in the same ditch that Sucker Punch fell in: it’s cheap, flashy trash with no wit or personality that utilizes blatant over-the-top stereotyping, racist fridge stuffing, and poor screenwriting choices to make a movie that supposedly uplifts women, but only at the expense of everyone else. And trust me, I really wanted to like this film going in, I wanted to give it a chance. I love Banks in other movies, I love Kristen Stewart and Naomi Scott, and Much like every human being in existence with a functioning brain I adore Patrick Stewart. But it just completely and utterly failed in every conceivable way to engage me, and it failed to convince me that this could in any way be empowering. Again, it brings to mind Sucker Punch more than anything, which blatantly weaponized sexism and tried to pass it off as empowering. This movie is nowhere near that gross and fetishistic, it’s just bland and dumb, but the fact Elizabeth Banks tried to pass it off as anything more when the whole thing was already of subpar quality is really sad.

This is just a film I can’t imagine appealing to anyone. Like, if you want to watch a feminist power fantasy with lots of hamfisted moments of microagressions and sexism, go watch Captain Marvel, because that film actually does have some entertaining moments and is at the very least average. If you want a good modern female-led action film that I can easily see empowering and inspiring women, Wonder Woman is right there. And if you want to watch a Charlie’s Angels film, well, those campy early 2000s films are looking pretty appealing right about now. Even if I throw out all of Banks’ comments, this movie is still ultimately just an empty, lifeless reboot that wastes a lot of genuine talent on subpar material that is so far beneath them that it makes me wonder why they ever accepted this.

Honestly, the fact that the movies theme song is “Don’t Call Me Angel” really speaks for itself. It’s funny in an ironic, depressing way, because I’m pretty sure no one wants to call these spies Angels after this bomb.

[spartan-officer-brasidas]

AC Odyssey Spoilers

I really thought about not posting this because I know a lot of people disagree on a few things I’m going to say, but I decided at the end of the day, it’s my opinion and I would hope they’d respect mine just as I respect theirs. Basically these are some of my hot takes from Odyssey, plus a few arguments for Legion as opposed to Vikings.

I’ll start with the base game (which is where my opinions are different from many peoples opinions), and then I’ll do the dlc stuff. The obvious one is Odyssey is a good game, which is a fairly popular opinion because, well, it’s a really good game. Where my opinions starts to deviate is that I like it as an Assassin’s Creed. I fully understand and respect the arguments for why people don’t like it as an AC (RPG elements, combat system, etc), but at the end of the day, I think that franchises change, and that’s what makes them good. Take Fire Emblem for example, I’ve played many of the games. Past FE installments are very different from the newest ones, but the new ones are no less Fire Emblem. In fact, Awakening saved the franchise in many ways, and I think Assassin’s Creed should be viewed in a similar way. The game needs to grow and adapt with its audience, and I think that’s what they’re doing. Basically, where many people said they wouldn’t be interested in Assassin’s Creed keeping with the style of Origins/Odyssey, I absolutely would—in fact, I hope they do. They don’t necessarily need to be as RPG oriented as Odyssey (though I did like that), but having that feel of RPG is a lot of fun for the story they’re telling.

Now I’ll move onto the dlc, and for now, I’m going to skip the Legacy dlc (it’ll come up later). The Atlantis dlc. I have a lot to say about it. Overall, it was very good—I really did like playing it and I thought the story was literally amazing. Unfortunately, this post isn’t going to be every little thing I liked because that wouldn’t be super interesting. First, I think they did the setting all wrong. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it for as long as I live, but they took a really REALLY weird take on the Underworld. The biggest being that they played out the Underworld to be almost equal to Tartaros in a way, and it’s not. I dare say it never has been (historically). Tartaros is for punishing the most evil, the Underworld is for everyone else. By no means is the Underworld desirable (see Achilles’ response), but it’s not that  bad per se. it’s just...nothing. It is what it is, but by making the landscape unbearable and Hades a chaotic and almost evil king, they made it seem more like a second Tartaros. Story wise, I get what they were doing and it makes sense. Chaos, order, etc, and I thought that was really neat. But I feel like it was rushed. I think the story could’ve been told a bit better if they had lumped Hades/Persephone/Underworld/Elysium into one chapter, used Olympus as another (since it’s tragically not in Greece in the game), and then Atlantis. I could continue on with my thoughts on how characterization was handled but that would make this post extremely long, so I’ll save it. I really want to talk next about the ending of the Atlantis dlc and then the implications of both dlcs/end of the game.

The very end of the Atlantis dlc was, at best, underwhelming, and at worst, a downright disappointment. I really truly do believe they had more planned for this story, but those plans got cut off and they had to just wrap it up really quickly. To be completely clear, I loved this dlc. I thought it was really interesting and fun to play, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that the ending was just not up to standard. To start, Layla and Otso Berg. What was that? There was very little build up for that, so when it happened, I didn’t really think much of it and I still don’t. But that’s the smallest of my worries. What happened with Aletheia? She just disappeared, and I know she had her issues with Layla (who didn’t), but that still doesn’t justify just dropping off the planet. We got no indication as to why she was doing this, and we didn’t get any explanation for the connection to Juno/Aita. It really feels like there was supposed to be more here. Which leads me to my next point.

There must be more to this story. We were ultimately left with more questions than answers imo. The next best thing they can do is either surprise us and give us another dlc (doubt this one will happen), or continue the story in the trilogy, which works for me because it kind of points to Ancient Rome. Here’s the logic (including Legacy dlc) (also featuring a cut because I know some people don’t care):

Ubisoft went out of their way, and in the process, managed to piss off and upset a Lot of people just to establish a connection to Origins, a game that is 100% done from what I know. They literally didn’t have to give a connection between Kassandra/Alexios and Aya, but they did. And at the expense of choice in the game. Why would they do that?

We have almost no insight on Aletheia—who she is and why she’s doing what she’s doing—and we have even less for Juno and Aita, which is...fishy. There must be more to this story (involving the Dikastes).

Kassandra has the staff! She can control its destructive power. Great! Now what? That’s it? Her story is far from over, and she just walks out of Atlantis like that? I’m not buying it, sorry.

Basically, Ancient Rome would help solve all of these (though to be fair, the 3rd point could feasibly be solved by ANY setting). By using Ancient Rome, Ubisoft can justify their destruction of choice to create a generational line between Kassandra and Aya because from there, they can connect the protagonist (or any other important character) to Aya, and use it as a story device (maybe drawing into the staff and Aletheia as well?) Sure, this could be done with a lot of settings, but not really in a way that makes a lot of sense. By keeping the third of the trilogy in the Mediterranean (and especially Rome), they can easily do this without stretching truths, simply because of how the societies of the Ancient Mediterranean interacted. The second point is the most telling of Ancient Rome because only a Mediterranean civilization would have knowledge of and truly care for the Greek/Roman/Etruscan deities. Our answers for Aletheia, Juno, and Aita could really only be answered by an Ancient Roman’s journey, unless they wanted to just throw it into a completely different setting, making the story sloppy and not really understandable, if that makes sense. Plus, it’s more like that those three and Kassandra stayed in the Mediterranean for a good while before expanding out. The three point ties into what I just said, but also, like I noted earlier, the third can we dealt with in 99% of settings, so I won’t go on about that. 

[paulisweeabootrash]

Pokémon 2.B.A. Master

I stumbled across a piece of weeb trash media I had heard of, but neither attempted nor expected to find.  And it’s a bit different.  Today, my friends, we are not doing an anime or manga, or even another novel.  We’re doing a tie-in music album, a American blatant cash-grab based on a Japanese franchise.  Oh no.  Oh yes.

Pokémon 2.B.A. Master (1999)

As a young weeblet, I was a regular watcher of the first two arcs of Pokémon (Kanto and Johto).  It was in both weekday and weekend timeslots, and never seemed to be broadcast in any sensible order, but I nonetheless watched it frequently and enjoyed it no matter how many times WB decided to rerun episodes I’d already seen.  At some point, this CD came out, and I remember seeing ads for it when it was new.  There were even televised music videos for a few of the songs, broadcast as a segment called “Pikachu’s Jukebox”. I never saw a copy of the album in person, and never expected to. Maybe it was one of those that you had to order by calling some number?  I don't remember (or, frankly, care enough to look it up).  Anyway, I recently encountered this in the small music section of a used book store, and I figured "why not?"  And the obvious answer is "most of the contents".

The cover, in addition to using proud and unironic Comic Sans for the subtitle "2.B.A. Master", boasts that the album contains both "Music From The Hit TV Series" and "10 Brand New Songs!"  The former refers obviously to the main theme of the show and every child's favorite mnemonic device, the PokéRap (or “PokéRAP” as it’s spelled for some reason?), but I'm not sure what the third song from the show is.  And again, I don’t care enough to look it up.  The important thing is, John Loeffler wrote all of them, and apparently an absurd number of other Pokémon-related songs.  The "Brand New Songs!" here are mostly new to me, and they’re... a doozy.  Except for the songs from the show, plus “Double Trouble” and maybe “Misty’s Song” if I want to be very generous, I am tempted to suggest you could get a similar musical experience in a shorter time by putting on an episode of Pokémon, playing a mix of Milli Vanilli and Boyz II Men songs over it, and banging your head against a wall.

1. Pokémon Theme

We begin with the extended version of the classic theme, this is a sure dose of nostalgia for anyone who watched the show.  It sounds, considering the release date, a little outdated — I get kind of a "Beat It" vibe, not from the melody, but from the instrumentation, combining 80s-gated drums and searing electric guitar.  But the theme, already one of the few TV themes out there I find enjoyable and not instantly forgettable, extends to a full length surprisingly well, avoiding getting boring or devolving into complete idiocy with lyrics.  I actually like this song as a song, and you can’t convince me otherwise.

2. 2B A Master

The instrumentation in this track is absurdly 90s, and again kind of Michael Jackson-y, but is interesting and varied, especially in the sudden attention-grabbing rhythmic change accompanying the line "the greatest master of Pokémon".  It shows better restraint in its use of things like record scratch noises and basslines running parallel to vocal lines that I find get really old really quickly.  I actually, on the whole, enjoy this song and think the music could have been the basis for something great.  “Could have” being the keyword.  Lest you think I'm going to give a rosy, loving review of this album, no, it quickly gets bad.  Some of the lyrics feel like such forced attempts to get Pokémon references in that I am embarrassed on behalf of the people stuck singing and rapping them, 20 years later.  It’s a waste of what could’ve been a fun funky song.  (Incidentally, why is the title of the song punctuated differently from the title of the album?)

3. Viridian City

The slide downhill continues.  What the hell is this song?  The lyrics are only marginally less stupid than the previous track, the music sounds like a keyboard "dance" preset, and it has a weird rapped/spoken "echoing" of sung lines it’s incredibly hard to imagine anyone ever liked.  Ugh.

4. What Kind of Pokémon Are You?

Third time's the charm, I guess?  After the previous two tracks tried and failed to force Pokémon-related lyrics that just don't work, this one at least manages to fire off a series of type-related puns.  The music, however, turns back towards gratingly boring (and for some reason, the bridge comes thisclose to ripping off "Eye of the Tiger"?).  Actually, no, hahaha, the lyrics remain very stupid, I think I'm just getting "ground down by a Marowak" by how bad the preceding tracks were.

5. My Best Friends

The parts move in unison too closely for my tastes, the lyrics are bland, the vocal arrangement makes it sound downright inappropriately dramatic, and what’s up with the bridge that veers off into doo-wop?  The main thing this song has going for it is the vaguely pleasant piano part in the verses, which really appeals to me (it sounds familiar, although I can’t place what specifically it reminds me of).  The melody of the chorus sounds even more familiar — so familiar in fact I'm starting to wonder if it's a copyright-violation-skirting ripoff of something famous. But otherwise, this is a solid “meh”, sounding like a boy band song that would only briefly have made the charts.

6. Everything Changes

And now we're back to impressions of Michael Jackson.  This one's instrumentation and mood and even bits of the melody are so him that I could almost believe you if you told me this was an outtake that didn't make it onto Bad. (Although the singer sounds less like Jackson the longer the song goes on.) The lyrics, although vaguely applicable to everything, are a welcome change from the previous few tracks by not feeling like Pokémon has been painfully shoehorned in... up until the part where a clip from the show plays during a break between choruses.  Ugh.  Could you really not come up with a better way to make this into a distinctly Pokémon song?

7. The Time Has Come (Pikachu's Goodbye)

Yuck.  The sentimental ballad (I want to call it a “power ballad”, but I’m unsure what exactly counts as one), as a general rule, is a fire hose full of melodrama best used for comedy.  I don't understand how songs like this have ever been taken seriously.  I would expect to hear this as the ending theme to a movie that tries to be a tragedy but can’t quite pull it off.

8. Pokémon (Dance Mix)

I assumed from the title that this was a remix of the theme song, but instead, it's just sort of a filler track...  It makes almost no impression on me at all, although I do enjoy the intro’s use of "backward-sounding" and morphing synths.  Otherwise, this is another track that sounds like it uses keyboard preset backgrounds.

9. Double Trouble (Team Rocket)

Okay, look, I can’t rate this one fairly.  The longest-running fandom-related internal conflict of my life has been whether I'd rather be James or have James as mai hasubando, and I love Team Rocket in general as comedy relief villains.  I used to enthusiastically perform their ridiculous introductory speech with a friend from band camp (I am even more of a geek than you thought).  This song actually bothers to be more specific in terms of its Pokémon subject matter, meaning this is finally a song about Pokémon rather than just a generic pop song with Pokémon flavor, and it uniquely is performed by voice actors from the show, namely those who played Jesse, James, Meowth, and Giovanni.  It really grates on me when the VAs talk over the singers, but unlike some of the other songs, it feels like it builds up and goes somewhere.  We have at least broken free from the boringness of the last few tracks, with almost industrial percussion and chromatic and sometimes dissonant bass and synth lines that really make it a solid villain song, even though it has a hokey “rap written by people who haven’t actually listened to any rap” feel.  And James’s absolutely ludicrous laugh will absolutely alienate who isn’t already a fan of the character, and most people who are, too.

10. Together Forever

The “disappointing imitation of Michael Jackson” theme returns, this time mostly in the voice.  It especially pops out at me with the pronunciation of "friend" as "fraynnnndah!".  Unfortunately, rather than trying to imitate Jackson’s songwriting again, this song seems to want to rip off Stock Aitken Waterman.  And it succeeds at that, too well, as it somehow manages to outcompete a song those writers wrote for Rick Astley to be the worst song with this title.  Also returning here: the use of clips from the show to clumsily force an otherwise generic song to be Pokémon-related.  Hooray.

11. Misty's Song

Huh.  Now this one is interesting.  Buried deep in the album, we get something from a character POV that doesn’t just set trivia or quotes from the show to music.  Yvette Laboy does a believable job filling in as the singing counterpart for Rachel Lillis's speaking voice for Misty, and I just don't find it nearly as ridiculous as the other ballads on the album, for some reason. It even portrays a tsundere as insecure rather than just an obnoxious walking trope!  Sure, it's not great, but it's not bad either, especially after the other attempted ballads on here.  Until you remember that it's a 14-year-old singing a love song to a 10-year-old, which... ick.  It could've been sweet if put in the mouth of another character with a more age-appropriate relationship. Anyone want to rerecord this as “Kaname's Song” or something?

12. PokéRAP

Oh, educational rap.  Why?  It’s just unbearably cheesy and doesn’t seem to have had much thought put into it, as a general rule.  And this song is no exception.  Sure, I guess it has value as a mnemonic exercise (and it does a decent job of that, as anyone who still has large chunks of it memorized can tell you), but no value as music.  It often doesn’t even come close to rhyming where you’d expect it to, and it's obvious that Loeffler et al weren't sure what to do with a few of the names at all — Grimer and Chansey have egregious pauses after them, for example, and Omastar is stretched across space enough for two or three names for no good reason.  It is broken into convenient-sized stanzas that are only somewhat awkwardly forced into the established meter, but that meter has a too-regular feel, bouncing like a musical Superball, that even I, someone with no particular knowledge of nor interest in rap, recognize as being cheesier than Vanilla Ice.  It also hasn’t aged well.  The sung parts have absolutely no dynamic range and stay at MAXIMUM DRAMA LEVEL at all times.  Over the past 20 years, the lyrics have also become obsolete due to the many additional generations of Pokémon media and consequently much longer list of Pokémon to memorize.  Those topics have been covered in excruciating detail by Brian David Gilbert, who is much cleverer than I am, and yes, I do highly recommend sitting through that entire half-hour video.  All I can really add to that is, it's considerably less annoying than certain other mnemonic songs I was exposed to growing up. A bad song, unless you’re viewing it through sheer unfiltered silliness?  Yes.  A surprisingly catchy song that was a good marketing move?  Also yes.  And 20+ years later, I still can't avoid laughing at the way he says "Wartortle".

13. You Can Do It (If You Really Try)

The album could've gone out on that upbeat note, but no, they had to go for another overblown ballad, this time trying far too hard to be inspirational.  The plus side is, it's not yet another generic 80s/90s pop song.  The minus side is, it sounds like something that would be playing on the PA in a church thrift store.  Or a fake ad on an episode of SNL.  I do not feel empowered by this level of unironic encouragement.  I just feel like my eyes are rolling so hard they'll fall out.  Its only saving grace is that it’s somehow not the most irritating inspirational ballad from the late 90s that was used in connection with a geek-magnet TV show.

Overall... Although I want to describe the music as being "generic" — and it is full of the tiredest parts of 80s and 90s music, wandering from orchestra hits to record scratch noises to cutesy synthesizer "dings" to what seem to be several different singers' bad Michael Jackson impressions — some of it is actually interesting!  See, no matter what impression you got from what I said above, I don’t categorically hate this style of music.  I made multiple comparisons to songs from Thriller and Bad because I think most of the songs on those albums are examples of how to do this genre very well.  But 2.B.A. Master doesn’t just lag because I’m comparing it to widely-beloved albums.  Writing this review actually sent me introspecting for quite a while about what music I enjoy and why.  And I realized, many of the cheesiest and most flawed aspects of this album are also present on less-acclaimed albums I enjoy very much, like the niche The Golden Age of Wireless by Thomas Dolby and the virtually-unknown Playgrounds ‘n’ Glass by Urban Blight.  But, while Dolby’s music often has the same cheesy synthesizer voices and lack of dynamics or has weirdly melodramatic moments, it’s also often clearly experimenting with particular effects and techniques, and his lyrics have evocative images or stories that make the songs really engaging.  And, while Urban Blight’s lyrics are often cliche-ridden or downright idiotic, the 80s/90s pop music instrumentation and style elements are varied and used with... for lack of a better term, more discretion, I guess?, which makes me feel like their songs are building to something musically.  Well, except the song “Favorite Flavor”, which is just garbage.

The point is, while neither of those examples is a great album (at least not to my taste, which I freely admit colors this), they are both still good.  Unfortunately, while some songs on 2.B.A. Master approach goodness, they are the exception, not the rule.  Most of the music is simple and predictable and seem to use the more grating tropes of the time like orchestra hits and record-scratch noises just because they can, and most of the lyrics are less "song about Pokémon" and more "attempts at being vaguely inspirational with Pokémon references forced in uncomfortably".  Some of the songs are enjoyable in a "this was an earnest attempt” and/or guilty pleasure sort of way (and I unironically like the B-52s, so believe me, I know "this was an earnest attempt” and/or guilty pleasure music), but there’s very little on here I’d actually call good.  The best track here musically, “2B A Master”, is wasted on blah lyrics, and the one that most accomplishes the goal of being a song about Pokémon, “Double Trouble”, suffers greatly from its speaking-over-the-singers vocal performance.  All I can say is, I’m glad I got this album used.

-----

W/A/S Scores: 3/0/7

Weeb: The lyrics require some prior specific knowledge of the Pokémon anime to not be completely baffling, but Pokémon is probably the most well-known and well-entrenched Japanese franchise on this side of the Pacific, and other than that, it’s decidedly American, or at least decidedly within the musical cultures of Western Europe and the Anglosphere.

Ass: No.

Shit: AAAAAAAAH.  Okay, okay, no, seriously, there are a few good points, but it’s at best average-quality 90s pop with a veneer of Pokémon over the top.

-----

Oh Weird: While writing this and hunting down appropriate links, I was surprised to see how many uploads of, and even covers of, songs from this album there are on Youtube.  I assumed this album was a more or less forgotten piece of bad 90s media, but apparently it’s one with a significant fanbase.

Oh Cool: Maddie Blaustein, the original English-language voice actress for Meowth was also a comic editor and writer for both Marvel and DC and the Creative Director for the Weekly World News. Oh, and she was intersex and, according to one of the sources cited by the Wikipedia article, bi.

Oh No: Educational rap is still a thing, and there are resources to make your own.

[scottbrownmoviereviews]

DARK PHOENIX FILM REVIEW

Dark Phoenix, written and directed by Simon Kinberg, is the final film in Fox’s X-Men universe and, once again, tells the story of Jean Grey (Sophie Turner) as she gains powers that she can no longer control while being pulled by several characters to suit their own ends.  

I very much have a love-hate relationship with the X-Men series. I love several of the films, especially Logan, but X-Men: The Last Stand is still my least favorite film, in general. Not of the franchise, but in general. So, when it was announced that the story told in that film was going to be adapted again, it was an exciting prospect. The end result though, not so much. Its highs are great, but its lows are downright awful.

The best thing about this film is easily the performances though, specifically Sophie Turner, Michael Fassbender, and James McAvoy. Sophie Turner is absolutely fantastic as Jean Grey and you absolutely feel every bit of pain that Jean is feeling because of Turner’s performance. She doesn’t have a lot to work with at times, but she still pulls out the best performance that she can. As for McAvoy and Fassbender, you know what you’re getting out of these at this point. They're great in their roles and honestly, there isn’t enough instances where the two are together in this film.  

The rest of the cast is good as well, even if they don’t have much to do. Even Jennifer Lawrence, who has felt very clocked out for Apocalypse and Dark Phoenix, hit some really good emotional notes when she needed to. The problem is, the material given to these actors really isn’t all that good for much of the film.

The film moves at a breakneck speed as well, which is both good and bad. The good is that the film never really seems to be dragging and no scene outstays its welcome, but this leads directly to the bad. Since the film moves at a breakneck speed, there never is really anytime to breathe during a character moment. A great character moment can happen and right as you’re really getting emotionally invested, the scene will cut, which takes away that catharsis of letting a scene play out for even ten or twenty seconds longer.

There is one aspect of this film that is far and beyond the worst part of this film, the villains. There is way too many similarities to a certain film that released earlier in the year with these villains, but here, the execution is absolutely awful. I had to look up what the name of Jessica Chastain’s character because it’s said once and then never spoken again, who by the way, was wasted in this film. And above all else, they are just so boring. There's no real menace to them because their powers aren’t really explained and it just didn’t feel like they needed to be in the film at all. The villains feel like an attempt to inject a macrocosmic threat into a microcosmic story, making the film feel small in the worst way possible.  

Dark Phoenix ends the Fox X-Men era in not the worst way possible, but in a way that makes it feel incredibly wanting.

6.0/10

Thanks for reading!

[jounetsulovers]

Top 11 Inazuma Characters

Tagged by @blueberry-pastel! Thank you so much. <3

11. Senguuji Yamato.

For all my talk about the villains of Inazuma, it feels fitting to have some kind of rep on that list, even though he’s more of the final rival than anything else. The first season of Go holds a special place in my heart, and I think Yamato is an especially fun and thematically appropriate final boss. His Avatar his cool, his relationship with his dad warms my heart, his design is nice, and the way he’s animated, especially when using King Fire, always looks really nice! He’s my go-to goalie in the Go games, and on that basis alone it didn’t feel right to have a list without him.

10. Raimon Natsumi.

Natsumi was my favorite manager for a long, long time, and there’s a lot of things to absolutely love about her. Her arc, tracing from the beginning of the original series to the very end, where she slowly lets her defenses down and engages earnestly with soccer and the team. Her extremely sweet friendships with all of the managers. Her relationship with her dad, which is an often-underlooked but no less important part of the entire story. The little background details, and how we learn throughout the Chrono Stone games that she’s become the chairman of Raimon after Fifth Sector collapses. Her recent appearance in Orion had me grinning the entire time. For sheer character growth, it’s hard to compete with her.

9. Kidou Yuuto.

Somehow, Kidou Yuuto exists, and the show is better for it. If someone were to ask me who had the best and most complete character arc, I’d point to Kidou without question. He’s the complete package: great and memorable character design, strong personality, growth, excellent moves, great character dynamics, downright iconic scenes. His backstory and everything involving his and Haruna’s family makes me cry every time, no matter what format it’s in. From enemy to rival to best, best friend, Kidou Yuuto is stellar character work on the part of Level-5.

8. Teres Tolue.

The anime does not do Teres Tolue justice. For all the brief but excellent scenes he does have, they are nothing compared to the wonderful scenes he gets in the third Inazuma game. This is a shoutout to the defender who isn’t afraid to speak his mind, even at the cost of sounding callous. Who cracks jokes at the worst of times, but also has a heart of gold. Whose confidence is genuinely matched by excellent work on the defense line. Liocott Island is full of captains with big personalities and sad backstories, and it’s a shame Teres seems to often be left out of the conversation, because he was my favorite back in 2012 and now, finally getting to play the games in full, he’s even better than I remembered.

7. Yamana Akane.

If the anime did not do justice to Teres, they did an absolute disservice to Yamana Akane. Much like Teres, she has wonderful moments in the anime. But they are limited, and do not capture the true delight that is her personality. Everything she is, she’s even more in the games, and I genuinely think she has the best one-liners in perhaps the entire series. Even if she isn’t the deepest manager, she’s the one that makes me smile the most. She’s funny, she’s creative, she’s bold and not afraid to speak about the things she likes. Yamana Akane, best manager.

6. Saginuma Osamu.

Saginuma Osamu is a character that exists in a constant duality. He’s a terrifying, imposing presence as Desarm, but also an admirable rival. He’s absolutely unmatched on the soccer field, with the technical know-how and talent to easily slide into three positions on the field, but also one of the hardest-working characters in the entire series. He’s also a huge, huge dork while at the same time being inspiring to his team when he’s in the captain role. He was my favorite Aliea captain, and continues to be my favorite kid to come out of Sun Garden. I’d personally choose him as the greatest rival in all of Inazuma, as he perfectly captures the thin, thin line between serious and ridiculous the series so eloquently toes.

5. Kira Hitomiko.

Best coach, hands down. Not the most skilled, or the nicest, or the one with the best teams or most effective coach. But the best one. She’s complicated, and maybe her apology at the end of Season 2 doesn’t begin to make up for the bad calls she made. But the fact she’s allowed to make those bad calls... the fact that she’s part of a larger, extremely sad and complicated backstory that almost feels like it should come from a drama, and not a sports anime... the fact that she spends a lifetime of penance for it, actually doing the hard work of trying to do right by her own mistakes and continue to watch over Sun Garden... Man, I love Hitomiko. Ares didn’t even begin to do her justice.

4. Amagi Daichi.

Amagi Daichi, best defender. Enough said.

...Okay, no, there’s more than that. I love everything about Amagi, from his character design, to his moves, to his personality and how much he brings a strong, brotherly presence to the team. I love his dynamic with Hikaru, and with the other third years, and how much he cares for his friends in general. But I think I love his story most of all, because it’s extremely relatable. It’s simple, but effective, and the presentation of his flashback--the sound design, the visuals, hell, even the editing--is some of the best Inazuma’s ever done. Episode 33 of Go is my favorite episode of Inazuma Eleven. Amagi Daichi, best defender.

3. Giris and Meia.

Is this cheating? I don’t think so. Giris and Meia are two characters that demand to be taken and analyzed as a pair, and, well, you don’t really see them apart, ever. They are my pick for the most terrifying and interesting rivals in all of Inazuma, for their unique combination of memorable visual aesthetic combined with the encroaching fridge horror that is the true nature of the SSC. Two kids, whose entire aesthetic revolves around young love and death in all aspects: their avatars, their signature move, even the soccer team uniform, which could easily be reworked into something for a period piece. And yet, they’re also overdramatic. They get distracted by each other to the point where they forget to finish trash-talking the opposing team. They dance on the soccer field to summon their avatars. They’re ridiculous and tragic in equal amounts, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about them, or the Second Stage Children, since I watched Chrono Stone.

2. Megane Kakeru.

Not only is Megane one of the funniest characters in the series. Not only is he one of the most important and yet underappreciated side characters in the franchise. Megane Kakeru is the perfect example of the profound impact Endou has on everyone he comes in contact with, and here’s why: Megane Kakeru is a coward. That’s a fact established in episode one. He talks a big game, but as soon as Teikoku gets serious, he runs off in tears. And even if the anime will never let him live that fact down (seriously), he never runs from another match again. Without him, Raimon’s victory streak would have ended with Shuuyo Meito. With him, we see a self-centered nerd come out of his shell, and genuinely grow to love the game of soccer, even as he knows he isn’t cut out to play and cannot match the skill level of his peers. Even while he’s terrified, he still steps out onto the field against Zeus when his teammates are injured. He stands against Aliea, even as other teammates find the situation hopeless. In season 3, his easy out, what does he do? He joins the team as a manager. He supports the Resistance numerous times in Go, both in the anime and in the games. Even as the chips are down, Megane Kakeru does not run, because he loves the game just as much as everyone else. He’s got a protagonist’s heart. I just love this kid.

And now, some honorable mentions, because there’s far too many to list:

I initially intended to have a member of the Earth Eleven on this list, but I genuinely could not decided between Morimura Konoha, Kusaka Ryuuji, and Nozaki Sakura, so I decided in fairness to not pick any, as an omission would be doing a disservice to them. The same could be said for several Protocol Omega members. Senguuji Daigo and Saryuu Evan are excellent villains and I love them, even if one is significantly more developed than the other. Matsukaze Tenma is one of my favorite protagonists of all time, and I love him a lot. Edgar Valtinas would have taken Teres’ spot if I didn’t choose him, and it was a very close choice. Kudou Fuyuka and Seto Midori were also this close to taking one of the manager slots. Fei Rune and Nanobana Kinako bring me unending joy and tears in equal measure. Domon Asuka, Sangoku Taichi, and Mahoro Tadashi are wonderful side characters whom deserve more love than they get, and I don’t think anyone is surprised to know how much I love Kousaka Yukie. I am deeply enjoying Ares and Orion’s characters, but considering their story has yet to finish, it did not seem fair to include them on the list, so for now they’re relegated to this one. But I adore Haizaki Ryouhei, Kozoumaru Sasuke, and Goujin Tetsunosuke. Zanark Avalonic should just be on every list ever because he is the best.

1. Nishiki Ryouma.

No character in Inazuma can make me smile like Nishiki Ryouma does. No character brings me quite as much joy as Nishiki Ryouma does. He is not the deepest, nor the strongest, nor the user of my favorite hissatsu or owner of my favorite Avatar. But he’s the complete package: relatable, funny, courageous, and even inspiring in his own goofy way. I love his passion, and how he tries not to sweat the little things, and that he isn’t afraid to do things in the name of trying, no matter how ridiculous he may seem. He has a large heart that is open to the world around him, and even for his enemies. He has stellar moves, a genuinely awesome aesthetic, and a smile that’s infectious. I knew pretty early on in my watch of Go he’d be a favorite, and every time since my love for him has grown more and more. I can’t even explain in adequate enough terms why I love him so much--I just do!

Not directly tagging anyone, but if you haven’t done it, DO IT. You know who you are.

[starwarsopinion]

‘Star Wars Fatigue’

Before we begin, I would like to say that this is my opinion! It is NOT my intention to insult or, in any way, hurt anybody’s feelings, but alas, it’s impossible for everyone to agree on everything. Somebody’s bound to get their knickers in a twist. So, I’m just going to apologize in advance to everyone who find the following displeasing.

As you may know, there has been a lot of talk about the so called ‘Star Wars fatigue’. I personally don’t find it surprising. Ever since Disney purchased Lucasfilm in October 30, 2012 (for $4.05 billion, mind you), the Star Wars franchise has gone downhill. One would expect Disney to treat such a beloved franchise with love and respect. But we fans don’t always get what we want, now do we?

Now, some might argue that Star Wars was already ruined by the prequels. I say that’s bullshit! I was but a little girl when I first saw all the movies, prequels first and then the originals. And I absolutely love all six movies! My favourite one as a little girl was the Phantom Menace. I know that might sound crazy to some, but as a little girl, I could really relate to young Anakin. Also, I found (still do) Qui-Gon Jinn so calming and great mentor! He has such a beautiful voice. It was perfect casting, and while we’re on topic of perfect casting, let’s take a look at a couple of other great casting choices: Ewan McGregor as Obi-Wan Kenobi and Samuel L. Jackson as Mace Windu are freaking perfect! I honestly can’t imagine anyone else playing these characters!

These characters, along with an infinite list of others, made a huge impact on me. They were well-written, relatable, lovable, and what’s more, the main villain was someone you could actually hate with every fiber of your body and soul. I don’t thinks there’s a single fan out there who wouldn’t love to throw Palpatine/Darth Sidious off a tall building. (Of course, I may be wrong.)

Now that I’m almost 21, I’ve fallen in love with these movies, and the franchise, even more. That is, until Disney came and fucked it all up for me. I don’t hate the new movies. I just don’t like them. They don’t feel like Star Wars. They feel like feminist propaganda, because let’s face it, there is a clear agenda behind practically all Hollywood movies these days, Captain Marvel for one, but I’m not going to talk about that. wanting and supporting female and LGBT+ rights is fine, but please, for the love of all that is good and pure, DON’T FORCE IT IN TO MOVIES!!

Marketing a leading female character as a ‘strong, independent female’ is downright obnoxious! These are strong words, but it’s my opinion, as a woman! Some people have been wrongly accusing men for outright female-hatred. I’m not saying that there isn’t men in the world who hate women, because there are, just like there are women who hate men. I’m saying that most men don’t hate women and have absolutely no problem with female characters, whether in leading role or a supporting role or as a random background character.

People like me who have a problem with today’s film-industry, specifically with how female role’s are being marketed, are not bad people. Some have said that if Alien had been released today, Sigourney Weaver as Ripley would have sparked out same kind of negative reviews as, say Captain Marvel and Rey. This is not true simply because Ripley had not been portrayed, at any point, as a ‘strong female character’. And that’s why she is an iconic character. Even I know her even though I’ve never actually seen the whole movie.

My point is, people would be much happier, more open-minded if we weren’t told beforehand how and what to think of a character. Let us make up our own minds! Rey was marketed over and over again as a ‘strong female character’ and that’s what I expected to see in the movie, but when I saw The Force Awakens, I was brutally disappointed. Instead of a character I could relate to, I was given a mere shadow of what she could have been. I find Rey incredibly annoying. Of course, there are a lot of issues with the new movies, but this would get out of hand if I started to write about that as well...

I brought up the ‘Star Wars fatigue’ and as Mark Hamill himself has said, yes it is possible it exists. The conversation of the topic was fueled by Solo’s bad performance in the box-office, which, in my opinion, is due to the hate The Last Jedi got. I don’t hate the Last Jedi, but I certainly don’t like it. I hate what they did to the character of Luke Skywalker! It’s not right, fit or proper! As for the Solo, I actually kind of liked it. Sure, it has some issues as well, but compared to Force Awakens, Last Jedi and Rogue One, it was pretty damn good.

Cinemablend made a poll about ‘Star Wars fatigue’, and by the time I answered it, the results were as follows:

44% said that they aren’t as excited about the franchise as they used to be, whereas 33% said they are still excited about the future of Star Wars. 23% (that includes me) said they have mixed feelings and 2% said ‘other’. Now, I have mixed feelings because I still love Star Wars and I’m kind of excited to see the new movies, but at the same time I’m terrified. What if it gets worse? Rogue One is, in my opinion, the worst Star Wars movie ever made. I had been wondering for so long how the Rebels got the schematics of the Death Star, and that’s what Disney came up with?! What the hell?! It was garbage and garbage won’t do! Again, I know that many enjoyed that movie, no offence intended. This is my opinion that I’m entitled to have!

So yeah, I’m not as excited as I used to be about Star Wars, but man was I hyped when they saved the Clone Wars! Though that was clearly a political stunt to get some of the fan base back and excited on something that so many love.

I have one final point that I’d like to share with you:

Disney’s Star Wars: Episode VIII.V - All The Projects Blown Away Like Alderaan.

LucasArts was working on Star Wars Force Unleashed III video-game and what did Disney do? On April 2013 Disney shut down LucasArts, fired several of its employees and canceled several of its projects. So, no Force Unleashed III, no ending for the Starkiller’s story-arch, no amazing video-game what so ever. This sucks because I really liked those games. I want to know what happens to Rahm Kota, Starkiller, etc. But I’ll never get my answer. Because the games, the comics, the whole Star Wars Expanded Universe, or Legends, is no longer canon. Disney just picks bits and pieces and makes their own stuff.

And these are some of the reasons I have felt ‘Star Wars fatigue’and why I think Disney Ruined Star Wars. This has been a long rant. But I just wanted to get this off my chest. As we can establish, the phenomenon that is known as ‘Star Wars fatigue’ is quite real and Disney really needs to take it in account.

Hope you guys enjoyed this, sorry if I offended anyone and may the Force be with you! :)

@madamrogers 

[gigaknotosaurus]

The Awesome Adventures of Captain Spirit

My review for Captain Spirit.

TLDR: Though only a free preview of what's to come in Life is Strange 2, this game is absolutely amazing and I reccomend sparing 2 hours of your life to play it.

POTENTIAL SPOILERS AHEAD FOR BOTH LIS AND TAAOCS

I've been a big fan of the LiS franchise for nearly 3 years now, I remember playing the first game and everything about it moved me: the soundtrack, the plot, the relationships between characters, the visuals, etc. Though my love for the game has faded over the course of these years as I played more games, Captain Spirit has brought forth a great renewal of love and adoration for the series I once poured my heart out over.

When first opening the game I was instantly attracted to the visuals and the song that played not only provides a 'foreshadowing' to the plot as you move along, but a wonderful and smooth song that places you right into the mood of a young boy playing heroes and villians.

We are soon introduced to the complicated father/son dynamic after starting the game. From hints to "my dad said he was going to fix this a month ago, yea right," and the "don't ignore me next time" if you wait too long to leave your room for breakfast, and straight to the complicated issue at hand when his father picks up a beer to finish and the player sees just how many is sitting on the counter.

Upon further exploration of the living room and kitchen, you are given hints as to what life is like prior to having moved to this dingy, two-bedroom trailer in what is deemed to be 'the middle of nowhere.' Having used to live in Seattle, Chris's father was a famous high school basketball player who fell in love with an up and coming comic artist. Later, they both got married and had a son - Chris - and when he was very young, his mother was tragically killed in a hit and run. From there on, life went downhill.

You find various letters marking many financial issues, others marking Chris's father's obvious drinking problems, visible signs of the abuse he has inflicted upon Chris - brusies on his arm and later verbal abuse - and letters that show an estranged relationship with family. Despite the positivity that is shown in the title, the game itself shows to be quite ironic in the sense that it really isn't as light hearted as it could be.

To cope with this issues, Chris has created a world of his own composing of superheroes, villians, and the ultimate nemesis - Mantroid. Captain Spirit is a big influencer of his life, and there is a little bit of him everywhere in this game. Although Mantroid is talked about and depicted as the worst villian of all, we never actually get to see what he looks like. Even when we set foot on Mantroid's planet. The only thing visible is a lamp post and street signs - upon further inspection we see that this is the street where his mother was killed and learn that Mantroid is the man who left Chris motherless.

I found it to be absolutely tear-inducing and heart clenching, and I'm starved for what's going to come next. I'm going to be waiting on the edge of my seat for Life is Strange 2 and the adventures it's going to bring.

Other than that, there is an obvious improvement in dialogue and gameplay mechanics than those located in Life is Strange, which is noteworthy for it's sometimes downright cringy and cheesy dialogue. Though Captain Spirit has its moments, even just within 2 hours it proves to be far less than that of LiS as a whole.

In the end Captain Spirit's power is revealed to us, and even two potential friends that may return in Life is Strange 2's full release. Although people are complaining that they won't continue to play the LiS franchise if the second game has a male protagonist, I say screw that and give Captain Spirit a try, as it is certainly worth it.

[adamwatchesmovies]

The Final Destination (2009)

It’s only fitting that the worst instalment of the Final Destination franchise be given the stupidest title. The Final Destination. Pfft. Give me a break.

When Nick O’Bannon (Bobby Campo) has a premonition at the speedway, he saves his friends and other bystanders from a horrific death. As the survivors are picked off one by one by a “random” chain of events, it becomes obvious that by saving these people, Nick interfered with Death’s plan.

The previous film was bad. This one’s even worse. To begin, we once again follow a new pool of characters meaning that we have to sit there twiddling our thumbs waiting for them to catch up to what we already know. If the characters were somewhat interesting, you might forgive the repetitive plot, but from frame one, half of the characters establish themselves as nothing more than meat for the grinder. Nick Zano plays Hunt, a character whose entire dialogue is composed of comments that establish him as a despicable douchebag. He stands absolutely no chance of surviving or even of displaying human emotion. Unfortunately, it takes forever for him to get sent to the grave. Why this obsession with making characters we don’t like? You know the filmmakers are trying to cash in on some schadenfreude, but this is supposed to be a horror movie, not a dark comedy! There’s no suspense whatsoever because of course, the Neo Nazi (Justin Welborn) isn’t going to make it past the 40-minute mark. I could’ve told you that without even seeing the film!

There’s hardly a plot here so the deaths are the only thing you can look forward to. Unfortunately, it’s 4 movies in and you can tell the people in charge have started running out of ideas. Some of these kills are downright ridiculous. I’ve seem more credible demises out of an “Itchy and Scratchy” cartoon; either that of the people in this horror universe are composed entirely of bags of meat and of blood. No bones or organs save for long lengths of intestine to decorate the streets and the onlookers’ faces.

This movie stood no chance. The big opening catastrophe in The misses the point of this franchise. Randomly avoiding a plane crash that kills all your friends is lucky. Dodging strategically thrown car engines, tires and rubble is cartoonish. Everyone in this universe would suddenly start believing in magic and prophecies after seeing the absurd chains of events that off people in this film.

The film is so desperate to keep the franchise going that about 2/3 of the way in, it re-starts. Nick has another vision detailing the death of the remaining survivors. It’d be funny if the film wasn’t so boring. The special effects aren’t even that good, guaranteeing the gore won't satisfy anyone. The best thing about The Final Destination is that my Playstation 3 is smart enough to recognize it as a truly idiotic title and the name Final Destination 4 popped up when I threw my Blu-ray into the machine. (2-D version on Blu-ray, September 13, 2016)

[protagonistheavy]

Shitblast about the Pokemon Presentation incoming:

That sucked the life out of me to be totally, un-exaggeratedly honest. It sucked pretty much any care I could have about Pokemon for a good couple of years at least. The downward slant of the franchise is just ridiculously obvious, and genuinely I don’t think I want to buy into the series anymore -- I’ve gotten burned enough times to not even try and get hyped for anything as ugly as the DP remakes or Legends.

Before I even get into the games they talked about, I just want to rag on that opening video thing. The huge montage of all the different things the pokemon franchise has, uh, infected I guess. Am I the only one that was really, really put-off by this? It just seemed like such a huge ass pat for themselves, like, “woo-hoo, look at our millions of dollars we spent on NOT the video games.” And it’s not even structured in some kind of catchy song, it’s just people chanting out hashtags that pop up on screen. It’s so cheaply made and they do shit like this pretty much every fucking year, I’m sorry but I just found this whole thing to be a waste of time. It didn’t get me hyped for anything to come, that’s for sure, it just reminded me that I’ve been waiting and waiting and waiting for Pokemon to actually progress itself and catch up with a modern market.

Pokemon Snap was the only cool thing from the presentation, and that’s a game we’ve already known about and is honestly too simple to fail. They would have to REALLY fuck up a game as straightforward as Snap. And this presentation didn’t bring any exciting new light to the game, just confirming that yes, yes you will indeed be taking pictures of pokemon, and then sharing those pictures with friends. Everything they’ve talked about is just the natural modernizations I’d expect from any game claiming to be about photography and made in 2021. The most exciting thing they could show off was the illumination item thing, which is just sorta, okay I guess.

The DP remake was disheartening. I honestly wish they didn’t even bother, and just ported the game as-it-was to the Switch.

I hate these graphics. And no, no it’s not some “style.” This isn’t a stylistic choice, this isn’t a “theme,” whatever this toddler’s toy aesthetic is supposed to be. It isn’t. It’s a budget constraint -- it’s a compromise. And I honestly hate that people are trying to defend it as some sort of art style, when I know 100% they would never defend another game like this nearly as hard. They would look at ANY game with graphics this shit and call it out.

There’s this excuse that it’s an art style theme, akin to Link’s Awakening remake on the Switch. Except, did people forget that Link’s Awakening actually looked good? Because it was actually designed to look like everything was a miniature. They used proper shading and texturing to sell that aesthetic, to make it look pleasing to the eye. Link’s Awakening is proud of its graphics and it does as much as it can visually to lean on that aesthetic. These DP remakes? There’s no heart put into this “art direction” at all. The textures are all plastic and flat and even downright muddy -- compare any screenshot of the remake to an original location and you’ll see how awful the colors are now, and how vague some of the models are after having been transformed from sprites. There’s no intent at all from the devs to actually include the polish necessary to make this style work -- it’s not an art style decision, it’s a budget constraint. They chose this design for the game because it would be easy to make, even easier to animate, and they could then justify slapping both of these games with $60 price tags. And yeah I get it -- “we don’t know how much these games are going to be!” -- no we do, it’s going to be fucking $60 like anything else released on the Switch, but if you seriously think this is worth $50 or even $40, then whatever, spend your damn money.

And yeah I am bitter that this is against precedent of the previous remakes. Every other remake before this had the time taken to update the graphics and direction to modern standards, and every remake was better because of it. It was refreshing to revisit these older worlds with modern sensibilities and an updated perspective -- the whole appeal of updating these older games is to give them the love and depth that technology at the time wouldn’t allow. At least that’s the appeal for me, I guess there’s a LOT of people out there whose appeal to Pokemon as a franchise is just buying whatever fucking comes out next and just mashing that A button into a state of satisfaction. This bums me out so bad that instead of getting something with passion and care, we get the absolute cheapest output; a remake that doesn’t promise anything new or exciting, burdened with absolute shit graphics.

And again, this style just sucks. It isn’t cute lol. I guess some people are gonna be into it, that’s fine I guess, but wow I don’t believe a single person that claims “this is what I imagined DP to be like.” No you didn’t, fuck the shut up? You’re really going to tell me that, in your most immersed state of playing this game, you imagined everything to be these fucking toddler toys? Okay you’re just on your own for that one -- I and every other normal human did not think of the DP world as some chibi fantasyland full of lego people. I hate that this is even excused as being some sort of “hark back” to the older art style -- the older art style wasn’t toy-themed or plastic-themed! What the fuck are people trying to pull here? It’s such a shame that DP had amazing sprite work and a wonderful world and an enticing story, but its remake is just going to underplay all of that, abandon it all just so it can have some gimmicky art style -- at best it’s a gimmicky art style riding the coattails of Link’s Awakening, and at worst it’s a budget cut done to make the game as cheap as possible to shit out.

I’m so disappointed in this. I was really looking forward to experiencing DP as a remake, I’ve never played this generation before. I wanted to play the remakes because I didn’t want to adapt to the older logic of the games, and I wanted to be able to bring in my own pokemon, have my own adventure. I wanted another experience like ORAS or HGSS. I didn’t want to go through the work of trying to play the original in a reasonable way. But since this is the direction of the remake, to make it look cheap as hell and totally heartless, then I’m just forced to play the original, and that sucks on a lot of layers.

And then Legends of Arceus or whatever.

Look. I want to like this game. And realistically I do like the idea of this game. But just like the DP remake, it looks like it’s the absolute cheapest response to what fans have been asking for, and it looks like it just wants to ride off the success of another, better franchise. I’ll make a wish now that I hope this game proves to be so much better than it looks in this presentation.

But wow, wow. I don’t think that’s going to happen. This looks like full-on garbage.

I wanted a BotW-like Pokemon game ever since, well, BotW. I think an open-world format would do wonders for the Pokemon formula, and SwSh had potential with its Wild Areas. But again, all the cheapest choices have been made. This game reeks of developers being told that fans want a BotW-styled Pokemon game, and then responding by just inserting pokemon assets into a beta test world of BotW. They didn’t show anything that looked promising for Pokemon gameplay, they just showed elements that are enough to convince an audience, “trust us, this is an open-world, with open-world mechanics -- like stealth! Rolling into bushes! Isn’t that cool? Isn’t this how you want to catch pokemon?”

It’s heartless. The developers clearly don’t care about making an open-world pokemon game; they’re interested in making pokemon an open-world game, the difference being that they don’t care about actually organically mixing the two. It’s just going to be a slop of open-world mechanics, set in an open-world that has no reason to be explored and is ugly as sin to look at, with mechanics designed to slow you down and fill in that 40-60 hour expectation. And I say this with as much confidence as I do because if they did have anything interesting to mention about Legends, they would have fucking said it -- they would have highlighted where pokemon gameplay intercepts open-world gameplay in a meaningful way, they would have brought attention to new mechanics that could only work in an open-world pokemon game.

They didn’t. They showed off a player character rolling into some bushes, and manually throwing a pokeball.

And that’s just the gameplay. Can’t we all agree this game is visual vomit? Just utterly fucking terrible to look at? There are literally fangames with SUCH better graphics. And there’s no excuse here like “oh it doesn’t LOOK like shit, looking-like-shit is its aesthetic!” No it just looks terrible on every level. The textures are so fucking muddy and stretched. The terrain is cobbled together and without inspiration; flat fields, angular hills, and randomly placed trees and bushes, all of which are rendered so badly that you can always see how 2D they are. The player models are uncomfortably stiff and expressionless. And the pokemon? The fucking pokemon?

Why do the pokemon look so fucking ugly? What’s the goddamn excuse? We see pokemon in the overworld, moving around and prancing about -- and they’re animated at like ten frames per second. That’s being generous! These pokemon look like they had three frames of animation to swap between! What the fuck is this?! Sword and Shield have overworld pokemon running around, and those didn’t need significant frame cuts! So how the hell did they manage to stumble so far backwards?! Why is this even a fucking challenge...?!?! Why do I have to be gaslit to believe that video games can’t do more than this? There are so many games doing so much, so much fucking more in even just one second of gameplay. So many games with intense graphics, explosive effects, tons of enemies and players on-screen, all this happening at once... sometimes online... and yet Pokemon still can’t even animate a fucking monkey dancing around in an empty field. What the fuck is the excuse here? How can they honestly show off this gameplay footage and feel proud of their work, without at least saying something like, “This is early-as-fuck test footage of the game, this is like one week into development, this is why it looks so ugly and unpolished.”

You know those throwaway junk games on Steam? That sell for like three or five dollars, and it’s just a really terrible FPS set in a generic wasteland environment? Yeah THOSE games look ten times better than this shit. There are so many pokemon fangames that exist that do this exact concept but DON’T look like utter garbage on the eyes at the same time. It’s baffling -- why is it so difficult for them to not make an ugly-as-sin game? Why does it have to be this way? How can the Switch host a game like BotW or Mario Odyssey but it can’t fucking handle Pokemon?

And this idea doesn’t even sound fun, the concept of being in the “ancient past” of the Sinnoh region just isn’t what I wanted. When I wanted an open-world Pokemon game, I expected it to be... you know, pokemon! I expected gyms or some kind of equivalent, I imagined it having modern sensibilities... But instead it’s this really gimmicky concept, because I guess the devs can’t possibly imagine the normal pokemon world even possibly engaging with something new and different -- no, we have to go to effectively a whole other planet just to let players have pokemon in an open world.

Ultimately these games are fucking disgusting to look at and it’s so disappointing to see them in this state. The DP remakes chose a cheap art style not because they thought it complemented Sinnoh or its story, but because it was the bare minimum to making the game and justifying a $60 price tag. Legends of Arceus has potential, but it’s showing right off the bat that it doesn’t have the manpower or passion behind it to actually live up to it, making it just another cash grab that relies on chasing the coattails of a more successful franchise. And both seem like insulting cheap answers to the two things die-hard pokemon fans have been asking for, making this situation all the worse.

The Pokemon Company doesn’t care, and neither do I anymore. I genuinely don’t see myself playing another pokemon game. It’s so sad because these games are full of potential, and a long-term commitment is obviously one of its appeals. But if this is the direction of the franchise, then fuck me. I don’t want to support ugly-as-hell spinoffs that exist only to shut up the fanbase, I hate how Sword and Shield came out and I hated how scummy the DLC was to add onto it. This series is blatantly trying to rob players by producing as absolute little as possible, they want to make money out of nothing, and I’m not coughing up that money anymore. This is ridiculous. Sword and Shield being so disappointing was one thing... the DLC being cashgrabs for material that should’ve just been post-game content was mind-numbing... but these two games looking like total garbage is on another level. It’s beyond disappointing; it’s insulting that they would even bother making these games with as little heart as they are, so clearly and obviously making games that they know players will shell out cash for regardless of its quality.

I hope the fanbase really matures and wisens up to this because that’s why we’re in this mess. You’re allowed to enjoy this “art style” of the DP remakes, you’re allowed to be hyped for the new gameplay of Legends... but please, for the love of god, have some higher standards than this. Please look at what other game companies can do with their games, and how much they charge, and how much fulfillment and content is in those games. We need to expect more from the literal most-profitable franchise of all time -- they have the resources, they have the capabilities, they choose to be lazy so that they can get as much money out of us as possible. It’s got to be put to an end. Please ask for more from these games. Please don’t settle for these games “because at least they’re still pokemon,” “because at least the pokemon battles are the same,” “because at least the older games are still technically playable.”

After all this, I just don’t believe Pokemon anymore when it tries to sell itself “to everybody.” That’s just plain not true. Their core audience is the dumbest of 10 year-olds and the dumbest of die-hard fans. They don’t care about their community any deeper than their wallets.

[aion-rsa]

Best Modern Horror Movies

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Every once in a while, someone likes to declare that the horror genre is dead, and so far, every one of those predictions has been wrong.

Horror movies have been around almost as long as filmmaking itself, and while the genre has always been cyclical in nature –dipping, sometimes drastically, in both quality and quantity from time to time — all it usually takes is a well-timed box office hit, a fresh new angle or a hot young filmmaker to reanimate it again.

The 21st century has been, overall, an extremely healthy one for horror. There’s been the usual amount of dross, of course, but the genre has branched out in a number of interesting new directions as well. We had absolutely no problem tallying the initial batch of movies for this article, and have just continued to update it ever since, starting with the newest and going back in time from there.

So here are over 50 terrifying favorites that you can use for your own personal Halloween film festival — and we promise that this lineup delivers. Brace yourselves for a look at the best horror movies of the 21st century. 

These are the very best modern horror movies…

Saint Maud (2020)

As our own Rosie Fletcher said in her review, Saint Maud is “a strange, gorgeous, and deeply disturbing chiller which mixes psychological, religious, and body horror to form something that feels utterly original.” She added that the film “messes with your perceptions of what’s real and what isn’t and comes with an ending that’s so simultaneously euphoric and horrific it feels like a punch in the heart.”

She’s right on the money. Morfydd Clark is outstanding in the title role, a private nurse who believes she can speak directly with God and decides it’s her mission to save the soul of the dying, debauched professional dancer (Jennifer Ehle) she is caring for. Maud lives right on the knife’s edge between spiritual ecstasy and mental illness, and director Rose Glass’ debut feature captures the surreal, horrific netherworld that is this tormented young woman’s life.

Saint Maud is out in theaters in the UK now.

Relic (2020)

The horror film at its best allows us to experience our deepest real-life fears in metaphorical terms, which is what the excellent Relic does with specificity, empathy, and atmosphere to spare. Emily Mortimer plays Kay, a workaholic single mom who gets a call from the police that her elderly mother Edna is missing from her home in the Australian countryside. When Kay and her daughter Sam (Bella Heathcote) drive out from Melbourne to the house, Edna (Robyn Nevin) reappears after two days–but cannot recall where she’s been.

Edna’s house–untidy, dark, and littered with odd notes and markings–and behavior lead Kay and a local doctor to surmise that the headstrong Edna is slowly sinking into the grip of dementia. But something else is at hand — an unseen presence that can seemingly bend reality — and the feature debut of director Natalie Erika James works so well because of its complete cohesion between characters, theme and imagery. Grief and loss ooze from every frame of the film, along with an impending sense of dread and claustrophobia. 

Watch Relic on Amazon

SpectreVision

Color Out of Space (2020)

Color Out of Space adapts what legendary horror author H.P. Lovecraft considered his personal favorite short story, “The Colour Out of Space.” Although the film is set in the present, it is faithful to the original 1927 narrative, in which a family is both driven to madness and altered physically by the presence of an alien entity that has landed on their farm in a meteorite.

Starring a typically unpredictable Nicolas Cage, Color Out of Space is flawed in many ways, but is distinguished by three things: the return of director Richard Stanley (Hardware) after too many years away from features, a plethora of eerie and downright disturbing imagery, and an overall atmosphere that comes damn close to that of Lovecraft himself.

Watch Color Out of Space on Amazon

Neon

The Lodge (2020)

The Lodge stars an excellent Riley Keough as Grace, a troubled young woman in love with Richard (Richard Madden) a journalist who wrote a book about the suicide cult she is the only survivor of. Their relationship triggers Richard’s estranged wife (Alicia Silverstone) to commit suicide, leaving the former couple’s two children devastated.

Six months later, Richard, Grace and the children head up to Richard’s remote winter lodge in an effort for all of them to heal. But a series of unexplained events occur that may be tied to Grace’s past or the death of the children’s mother — or both. Directed by Austrian filmmakers Veronika Franz and Severin Fiala (the harrowing Goodnight Mommy),  The Lodge reeks with dread and leads to a thoroughly unsettling finish.

Watch The Lodge on Amazon

Wounds (2019)

This Hulu original stars Armie Hammer as Will, a New Orleans bartender whose discovery of an abandoned mobile phone in his place of business portends the arrival of an unspeakable evil, a malevolence that infects him, his girlfriend (Dakota Johnson) and almost everything in his life.

British-Iranian director Babek Anvari (2016’s supremely eerie Under the Shadow), creates an atmosphere of extreme dread and rot here, from the cockroaches Will is constantly killing behind the bar to the frightening images and sounds that keep appearing on that damn phone. Based on a novella called The Visible Filth by acclaimed horror writer Nathan Ballingrud, Wounds leaves much unexplained but that’s kind of the point: horror is often most effective when it can’t be rationalized.

Watch Wounds on Hulu

Tigers Are Not Afraid (2019)

There’s a reason why no less a maestro than Guillermo Del Toro is a fan of this deeply felt and moving film: it covers much of the same territory that he has explored in some of his greatest works like The Devil’s Backbone and Pan’s Labyrinth — the place where imagination, childhood innocence and real world corruption intersect in a surreal, dangerous yet fantastical landscape.

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Best Horror Movies on Amazon Prime Right Now

By Alec Bojalad and 3 others

Movies

Best Horror Movies on Hulu

By Alec Bojalad and 1 other

After her mother goes missing in the latest cartel rampage through an unnamed and anarchy-plagued Mexican city, a young girl (Paola Lara) finds herself living on rooftops with a small band of little boys and haunted by an apparition that may or may not be her mother. Director and writer Issa Lopez wrings emotion, humor and even minor triumphs out of this dark scenario, while not shying away from its more disturbing implications.

Watch Tigers Are Not Afraid on Amazon

Ready or Not (2019)

Darkly funny and subversive, Ready or Not is an out-of-nowhere surprise that deftly weds (pun intended) an acidic black comedy about income inequality and the politics of marriage to a more gruesome thriller about being chased around an old, dark house by a deranged family of Satanists. If that doesn’t pull you in, nothing will.

Samara Weaving is an appealing lead as the young woman who marries into a clan of vast wealth and privilege, only to find out where they came from and what the family must do to maintain them. Weaving is excellent at both the comedy and horror, while Andie MacDowell and Henry Czerny lead a sparkling supporting cast of cracked characters. It may not be especially scary, but ready or not, this one’s a real crowd-pleaser.

Watch Ready or Not on Amazon

Annabelle Comes Home (2019)

Who would have thunk that the third time would be the charm for this popular Conjuring spin-off series? First-time director Gary Dauberman — who wrote all three entries in the sub-franchise — rises to the challenge and brings a wonderful sense of atmospherics and dread to the proceedings that was lacking in the earlier films. Anyone who channels the lighting schemes of horror legends like Mario Bava is all right in our book.

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The Conjuring Timeline Explained: From The Nun to Annabelle Comes Home

By Daniel Kurland

Movies

Annabelle: Real-Life Haunted Dolls to Disturb Your Dreams

By Aaron Sagers

Annabelle Comes Home also proves to be the sharpest-written of the bunch, as four girls — one of them the daughter of Conjuring ghost hunters Ed and Lorraine Warren (Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga, who cameo here) — try to fight off the evil title doll as she unleashes hell on them over the course of one night. The cast is given depth and agency, which makes us care all the more when Dauberman turns the movie into a full-on monster mash. This one’s old school fun.

Watch Annabelle Comes Home on Amazon

Midsommar (2019)

Ari Aster blew everyone away in 2018 with his writing and directing debut, Hereditary (see below), a frightening tale of family dysfunction, grief, memory and naked witches summoning an ancient demon (Was that a spoiler? Sorry). His follow-up, Midsommar, wears its direct influences on its sleeve and tries a little too hard to signal its own importance, but it’s supremely eerie in its own way and quite nasty in what it shows and what it hints at.

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Movies

A24 Horror Movies Ranked From Worst to Best

By David Crow and 3 others

Movies

Midsommar: Florence Pugh Considers Ending Theories, May Queen Fandom

By David Crow

Four college friends — including disintegrating couple Dani (Florence Pugh) and Christian (Jack Reynor) — are invited by an exchange student to Sweden, where they’ll visit the reclusive commune in which he was raised. Fans of films like The Wicker Man will have a pretty good sense of what’s coming, even if Aster doesn’t quite answer all the questions he raises. What he does do, however, is chill the blood with both the way the travelers turn on each other and how the Harga find spirituality and transcendence in their deeply disturbing rituals.

Watch Midsommar on Amazon

Us (2019)

The second feature from Get Out writer/director Jordan Peele still cleverly uses the horror genre for social commentary, but the focus is less directly on race this time and more on class and privilege. Lupita Nyong’o is outstanding as Adelaide, whose well-off family is terrorized by savage doppelgangers intent on murdering them. Who those duplicates are, and what they mean, provides for a biting commentary on the haves and the have-nots.

Some of the story logic is fuzzier this time around, but Peele is still adept at creating a genuine atmosphere of dread while deploying well-worn horror tricks in unique new ways. He also gets tremendous performances out of his cast, including Black Panther’s Winston Duke and The Handmaid Tale’s Elisabeth Moss, in what is ultimately a solid sophomore outing for the director.

Watch Us on Amazon

Halloween (2018)

After years of mostly lackluster sequels and reboots, director David Gordon Green (and his co-writer Danny McBride) take this horror icon both back to the roots and into the future. The result is a direct sequel to the original that ignores all the other films and concentrates, with stark precision, on two ideas: the concept of Michael Myers as a primal force of evil and the theme of PTSD as exemplified by Jamie Lee Curtis’ powerful performance as a permanently damaged Laurie Strode.

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Movies

Halloween: Timeline Explained for Horror Movie Franchise

By Daniel Kurland

Movies

Halloween III: Season of the Witch Deserves Another Look

By Jim Knipfel

Both a thrilling rollercoaster ride and a chilling exploration of an unknowable psyche, the new Halloween is also relevant to what’s happening in 2018 — making The Shape a valid and still scary vessel for whatever metaphor you want him to represent.

Mandy (2018)

Dream-like, surreal and hypnotic — when it’s not screaming with rage — Mandy may be more interested in atmosphere and imagery than story (the plot is admittedly far too simple for the movie’s two-hour length) but is an unnerving experience nonetheless.

At the center of this boldly experimental assault from director Panos Cosmatos (Beyond the Black Rainbow) is a primal performance from Nicolas Cage, whose reputation for gonzo performances does a disservice to the raw emotion he can still deliver as a lumberjack out for vengeance against a frightening cult. Mandy might try your patience, but its visual poetry and uncaged (ha ha) star are never dull.

 Watch Mandy on Amazon

Hereditary (2018)

It’s still hard to believe that this is the first feature ever from writer/director Ari Aster, who brings a literal parade of horrors to his terrifying exploration of a family’s complete breakdown from forces within and without.

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Movies

Hereditary: The Real Story of King Paimon

By Tony Sokol

Movies

Hereditary Ending Explained

By David Crow

Toni Collette is off-the-charts stunning as the mother who tries to hold her clan together even in the face of unspeakable tragedy and the knowledge that her own family history is working against them. Harrowing and thoroughly unsettling, Hereditary is perhaps the best example yet of a new wave of genre films that are about something while still scaring the living shit out of you.

Watch Hereditary on Amazon

The Endless (2018)

Two brothers (played by Justin Benson and Aaron Morehead, who also directed, produced, edited and wrote the film) return to the cult they once belonged to as youths, each carrying different memories of their time there and different expectations of what they’ll find in the present. But neither sibling is prepared for the inexplicable events that occur once they arrive.

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Best Horror Anime To Watch on Netflix

By Daniel Kurland

TV

Best Horror TV Shows on Hulu

By Alec Bojalad

Following their features Resolution and Spring, the Benson/Morehead team once again prove themselves adept at creating believable, atmospheric, dread-infused horror with limited resources. These guys clearly know what they’re doing, and the eerie The Endless is a strong next step for them.

Watch The Endless on Amazon

A Quiet Place (2018)

Who knew that mild Jim Halpert from The Office would end up directing one of the most acclaimed and outright scary movies of the past few years? In his third outing behind the camera (which he also co-wrote and stars in), John Krasinski uses silence — which can be deployed to great effect in horror movies — in the most ingenious manner possible. He, Emily Blunt and their three children live in a near-future world overrun by hideous, blind creatures that use their superior hearing to track prey by sound, thus necessitating that the human survivors remain as quiet as possible.

The result is a thriller in which literally every footstep is suffused with dread and a rusty nail becomes an object of extreme terror. While the script creaks a bit and could have used some better development, there’s no doubt that Krasinski directs this for maximum tension while getting terrific work out of himself, his wife and the kids. A Quiet Place is not just compelling horror, but a loud announcement of an outstanding new directorial talent.

Watch A Quiet Place on Amazon

It (2017)

It’s been a long time since a Stephen King screen adaptation really got the author’s work and intent right, but It does so and then some. Full of heart and warmth for its seven young main characters — all of whom are perfectly cast — It sets them against an insidious evil in the shape of Bill Skarsgard’s unforgettable Pennywise the Clown.

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TV

Upcoming Stephen King Movies and TV Shows in Development

By Matthew Byrd and 6 others

Movies

It Chapter Two Ending Explained

By John Saavedra

Director Andy Muschietti’s take on King’s masterpiece is humane, moving and even funny — a coming-of-age story that also happens to be an engrossing and unsettling monster tale. It’s very rare that a truly “epic” horror movie is released, but It can stand proudly in that rarefied category.

Watch  It on Amazon

It Comes at Night (2017)

Was this movie mismarketed? Or did audiences just reject its overwhelming, unrelenting bleakness? Either way it’s one of the overlooked horror gems of the past few years. Writer/director Trey Edward Shults is not interested in the whys or hows of his post-apocalyptic setting — he just puts regular, fearful human beings into the aftermath and lets us watch them as any chance for survival slowly unravels.

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Best Horror Movies Streaming on HBO Max

By David Crow and 2 others

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Best Horror Movies to Watch on Shudder Right Now

By Rosie Fletcher and 1 other

Understated, incredibly claustrophobic (the house is a character itself) and stocked with great performances from Joel Edgerton, Carmen Ejogo, and the rest of the cast, It Comes at Night is as naturalistic as a horror movie gets — and is all the more terrifying for it.

Watch It Comes at Night on Amazon Prime

Split (2017)

This was the film we had the toughest time deciding whether or not to include on this list. Writer/director M. Night Shyamalan gives it the structure, atmosphere and tone of a horror movie, yet it’s clear now that it’s also an origin story for a comic book-style supervillain and a de facto sequel to his Unbreakable.

But for most of its running time, Split is a harrowing, darkly humorous psychological thriller anchored by an incredible performance from James McAvoy as a man with 24 different personalities in his brain — as well as a monstrous 25th that is about to emerge.

Watch Split on Amazon

The Girl with All the Gifts (2017)

Not just one of the best horror movies of 2017, The Girl with All the Gifts was one of the best movies of that year. Moving and compassionate while at the same time frightening and dread-inducing, the movie puts a fresh spin on the zombie genre and creates memorable, empathetic characters who grapple with questions of not just what it means to be human, but what it means to be alive.

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Best Horror Movies on Netflix: Scariest Films to Stream

By David Crow and 2 others

Games

How Scorn Turned the Art of H.R. Giger into a Nightmarish Horror Game World

By John Saavedra

Stars Gemma Arterton, Paddy Considine and Glenn Close give top-shelf performances, but the movie belongs to young Sennia Nanua as the flesh-eating yet fully sentient Melanie, who may be a forerunner of a new, unexpected step in the evolution of whatever the human race ends up becoming. Gripping from start to finish.

Watch The Girl with All the Gifts on Amazon

Raw (2017)

Deeply graphic and disturbing, yet also rich with symbolism and subtext, Raw is both as grisly and sophisticated as horror movies come. The movie also touches on gender politics and family dynamics in its tale of two sisters at a French veterinary school who awaken to the power of their own bodies as well as primal, vicious hungers neither one of them thought possible. Director/writer Julia Ducournau stages the film in gritty, intimate style, making the gnawing on human flesh all the more horrific to watch. Raw is a movie that lives up to its name.

Watch Raw on Amazon

Get Out (2017)

The directorial debut of comedy writer/actor Jordan Peele is a sharp, funny and creepy horror satire on race relations, white liberal hubris and socal justice. It’s also a genuinely suspenseful thriller, albeit with nods to earlier movies like The Stepford Wives, and proves that horror continues to be an effective genre through which to tell culturally and socially relevant stories.

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Movies

The Underrated Horror Movies of the 1990s

By Ryan Lambie

Movies

The Best Creepy Horror Movies

By Sarah Dobbs and 1 other

Daniel Kaluuya plays Chris, a young African-American photographer who heads to the country with his white girlfriend (Alison Williams) to meet her parents for the first time. The meeting does not go well as Chris realizes that the seemingly nice yet awkward Armitages (led by an excellent Catherine Keener) are not what they appear to be at all. Get Out is thrilling, refreshing and a nice change of pace for the genre.

Watch Get Out on Amazon

Under the Shadow (2016)

International cinema has been exploring genre with great success in recent years, and this intimate yet mournful thriller, set in 1980s Tehran during the ongoing and brutal war between Iran and Iraq, is one of the more thoughtful and unique horror movies to emerge from that creative wellspring.

Iranian politics and social mores are woven carefully into the plot, which follows a woman and her daughter who are haunted by a djinn (an evil spirit) that may have been unleashed when their apartment building is shelled. The metaphor of the evil set free by war is fairly on the nose, but director Babak Anvari still constructs an atmosphere of slowly ascending terror and macabre imagery.

Watch Under the Shadow on Amazon

Train to Busan (2016)

Just when you thought the zombie genre had been utterly exhausted, someone comes along and reinvigorates it. Director Yeon Sang-ho’s South Korean production brought something back to the genre that had been gradually draining out of it: humanity.

Sure there’s a bit of sentimentality too in this story of a father trying desperately to get his daughter to her mom by train as a zombie plague breaks out, but the movie’s well-drawn characters, subtle social commentary (some on the train feel they are more worthy of survival than others) and frightening action sequences add up to a thrilling and emotionally powerful ride.

Watch Train to Busan on Amazon

The Wailing (2016) 

South Korea struck again with this epic-length (156 minutes!) story of possession and exorcism in a small village from director Na Hong-jin. Once again a father must fight to save his daughter’s life: in this case he is a cop (Kwak Dowon) investigating a series of mysterious and violent deaths, only to discover that they have a supernatural cause that soon infects his family.

Despite odd moments of humor here and there, The Wailing is almost unremittingly bleak and its imagery is thoroughly unsettling. Deliberately paced and building an atmosphere of unspeakable dread, The Wailing is a standout of Asian horror.

Watch The Wailing on Amazon

The Invitation (2016)

This intense little psychological thriller from director Karyn Kusama (Jennifer’s Body) starts off as a weirdly off-kilter domestic melodrama and shifts disquietingly into outright paranoia as it explores the dynamics of grief, modern relationships and how well we really know our friends and neighbors.

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Movies

The 25 Best Horror Movies You’ve Never Seen

By Sarah Dobbs

TV

The Scariest Star Trek Episodes

By Juliette Harrisson

Kusama’s deft handling of the material and setting (an angular and eventually sinister L.A. house), as well as a superb cast (led by Logan Marshall-Green and Tammy Blanchard, with support from the always creepy John Carroll Lynch) elevate the standard dinner party thriller into something a bit more special. And the final scene is a knockout.

Watch The Invitation on Amazon

The Conjuring 2 (2016)

The Conjuring 2 is a rare example of a horror sequel equaling or even surpassing the original. This time the focus is more directly on paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren (Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga) as their skills, courage and faith are tested by England’s famous Enfield Poltergeist.

Director James Wan once again proves himself a master at using negative space, sound (or lack thereof) and period detail to wring goosebumps out of even the most jaded viewer, and the deeper characterizations make the stakes that much higher as well. There are few horror “epics,” but The Conjuring 2 comes close to being one.

Watch The Conjuring 2 on Amazon

The Witch (2016)

A stunning feature film debut from director Robert Eggers, The Witch tells the story of a 17th century Puritan family who are excommunicated from their village and build their own farm on the edge of a vast forest — only to be preyed upon by an ancient, malevolent witch who lives deep in the woods. Touching on themes of religious persecution and mania, sexual awakening and humanity vs. nature, The Witch is a fully immersive and wholly terrifying experience.

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Movies

The Witch Has One of Horror’s Greatest Endings

By David Crow

TV

BBC/Netflix Dracula’s Behind-the-Scenes Set Secrets

By Louisa Mellor

Director Robert Eggers maintains astonishing control of mood and texture throughout, and the entire cast — including newcomer Anya Taylor-Joy as the family’s teen daughter — seems eerily snatched out of the past. The Witch is classic supernatural horror.

Watch The Witch on Amazon Prime

The Visit (2015)

M. Night Shyamalan began a welcome and long-overdue comeback with this quirky and creepy little found-footage experiment, which focuses on a teen brother and sister who make an unforgettable and eventually terrifying trip to visit the grandparents they’ve never met.

Shyamalan seems comfortable working within the lower-budget confines of the Blumhouse scream factory, and he manages to inject both a nice streak of morbid humor and enough of his trademark character touches to keep us off-balance. The movie has an unsettling tone throughout and, for the first time in a long time, the “twist” is well-earned and shocking.

Watch The Visit on Amazon

It Follows (2014)

One of the best horror films of the past couple of years is, like all the genre’s standout entries, rich in metaphor and subtext – is the curse passed through sex among the movie’s characters a stand-in for AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases, or is the sex act itself a way to affirm life or at least postpone the inevitable onset of death? Writer/director David Robert Mitchell keeps it ambiguous – much to some viewers’ chagrin – and instead focuses on the movie’s overall atmosphere and tone, which is dream-like and full of dread.

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Movies

It Follows: A Homecoming for ’80s Horror

By David Crow

Movies

It Follows’ terrifying horror lineage

By Ryan Lambie

Lead actress Maika Monroe is a star in the making, but the most unforgettable thing about It Follows is its implacable walking phantoms, who cause your flesh to crawl every time they enter the frame.

Watch It Follows on Amazon

The Babadook (2014)

An instant classic upon its release, this Australian shocker is, astoundingly, the debut film from writer/director Jennifer Kent, who retains the kind of complete and unwavering grip on her story, themes and tone that you would expect from a much more seasoned filmmaker. Essie Davis is outstanding as Amelia, a widowed mother still reeling from the loss of her husband Oskar as she does her exhausted best to raise their troubled six-year-old son Sam (Noah Wiseman), who was born the night that Oskar died.

Enter the Babadook, the subject of a frightening storybook that Sam finds and an entity that is soon terrorizing mother and child. Thoroughly frightening and unnerving, The Babadook is also quite profound as it touches on the nature of grief and parenthood, hinting that both can drive a person to the edge of madness — or into the clutches of the Babadook.

Watch The Babadook on Amazon

Oculus (2014)

Following his ultra-low-budget indie debut Absentia, writer/director Mike Flanagan expanded his short student film into this striking tale of supernatural and psychological terror. Karen Gillan (Doctor Who) stars as a woman who believes that an antique mirror has been responsible for the tragic history of her family, and sets out to destroy it by any means she can. The mirror, however, has other plans.

Set in two parallel timelines that eventually intersect, Oculus is original, creepy and filled with mounting tension; the film is steeped not just in the atmosphere of ‘70s horror cinema but also modern supernatural literature. With more features to his name since (including Ouija: Origin of Evil, his adaptation of Stephen King’s Gerald’s Game, and Netflix’s The Haunting of Hill House) Flanagan is a talent to watch.

Watch Oculus on Amazon Prime

You’re Next (2013)

Home invasion movies can kind of be formulaic after a while, but director Adam Wingard and writer Simon Barrett (The Guest) find a way to freshen it up by turning You’re Next into a macabre soap opera as well. In the meantime, however, there’s a ton of suspense and bloody mayhem to satiate fans of visceral horror, and the family dynamics at work make for a nice counterpoint to the terror.

The cast is terrific, a mix of horror vets (Barbara Crampton, Larry Fessenden) and mumblecore regulars, and Sharni Vinson is outstanding as the dinner guest with a secret of her own. 

Watch You’re Next on Amazon

The Conjuring (2013)

A film about real-life paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren had been in development for nearly 20 years — outlasting Ed himself — before finally coming to fruition in 2013 as The Conjuring. Based on a case the Warrens investigated concerning the haunting of a family farm by a witch, the film afforded director James Wan the change to take the horror skills he had honed on his previous project, Insidious, and apply them to a larger scale Hollywood production.

The result was a genuinely scary experience with plenty of atmosphere and just enough empathy for the family and the Warrens to elevate the movie about the usual shock tactics. It was also a major box office hit, making it that rare genre entry that was enjoyed by both critics and audiences.

Watch The Conjuring on Amazon

The Cabin in the Woods (2012)

Both a deconstruction of the genre and one of the 21st century’s best horror movies in its own right, The Cabin in the Woods could only be the work of Joss Whedon (co-writer) and Drew Goddard (co-writer and director), whose love and understanding of both the genre and the wider pop culture context around it make this one of the smartest satires in recent memory. Proposing that the standard template for a horror film is what keeps the real horrors at bay, the movie turns that formula on its head yet works it to maximum effect.

Goddard is assured in his directorial debut, the cast (including a pre-Thor Chris Hemsworth and a brilliant Richard Jenkins as one of the weary “technicians” pulling the strings) is game, and the movie nails its meta premise perfectly.

Watch Cabin in the Woods on Amazon

We Need to Talk About Kevin (2011)

Adapted from Lionel Shriver’s novel and directed by Lynne Ramsay, We Need to Talk About Kevin is the perennial “evil child” story disguised as an arthouse film. But the combination works, thanks to Ramsay’s striking direction and imagery and two knockout performances by Tilda Swinton as the mother and a frightening Ezra Miller as Kevin. Swinton’s anguished portrayal deepens the film’s themes and offers a searing and complex picture of a parent’s occasional ambivalence toward their own child.

Yet the movie doesn’t skimp on its horrors either, both psychological and physical, and stretches the boundaries of what can be considered a horror movie.

Watch We Need to Talk About Kevin on Amazon

Kill List (2011)

With just one feature to his credit before this (Down Terrace), director and co-writer Ben Wheatley hits his second film clear out of the park, fashioning it into a mash-up of gritty crime thriller and chilling Lovecraftian horror tale. The result is a unique movie that’s not quite like anything else on this list and will you leave you shaken to the core. Two former British soldiers turned hit men (Neil Maskell and Michael Smiley) take a job in which they must kill three people — a priest, a video archivist, and a member of Parliament — but soon find out that they have gotten involved with something far beyond their experience and understanding.

The somber mood, ambiguous plot (Wheatley deliberately and correctly leaves much unexplained) and almost unwatchable bursts of violence come to a boil in the truly horrifying and enigmatic climax.

Watch Kill List on Amazon

Insidious (2011)

After one hit (Saw) and a couple of misses (Dead Silence and��Death Sentence), writer/director James Wan and his writing partner Leigh Whannell scored with this tiny ($1 million budget) indie that became a huge hit (and sadly spawned two lousy follow-ups). But Insidious deserved its success: it’s a genuinely scary film, with Wan displaying a tremendous talent for utilizing the camera frame, darkness and silence to create an oppressive atmosphere of dread only enhanced by some truly bizarre manifestations.

In pulling tricks from all eras of horror, Wan came up with something original, terrifying and entertaining – a horror ride that all fans could enjoy.

Watch Insidious on Amazon

I Saw the Devil (2010)

Director Kim Ji-Woon (A Tale of Two Sisters) sends an intelligence agent (Lee Byung-hun) on a mission of vengeance against a sadistic serial killer (Choi Min-sik) in this shocking and stunningly depraved cat and mouse thriller in which all notions of morality go out the window along with numerous bloody body parts. Yet Kim keeps you invested in the characters as well, and this Korean epic has an undertone of sadness that’s hard to shake. Kim holds it all together masterfully, creating a horrifying experience like nothing else we saw the year it came out.

Watch I Saw The Devil on Amazon

The House of the Devil (2009)

Indie auteur Ti West’s homage to the horror movies of the ‘70s and ‘80s is replete with stylistic touches from both decades, ranging from the old-school opening credits to the use of zoom lenses to the 16mm film stock meant to look retro. But this isn’t just a pastiche: while The House of the Devil is the definition of a “slow burn” film — which may leave some viewers impatient — the payoff is worth it as babysitter Samantha (Jocelin Donahue) is subjected to a night of Satanic horrors that will leave you shaken.

West is an expert at leading us along and then tightening the screws hard, and if you told me that The House of the Devil had actually come out around 1981 or so, I just might have believed you.

Watch House of the Devil on Amazon

Paranormal Activity (2009)

For better or worse, Oren Peli’s homemade, shoestring thriller kicked off a tidal wave of films using the “found footage” or “faux doc” style of moviemaking, an esthetic that has proven increasingly confining and exhausted. But there’s no denying the strength of a few early contenders, starting with this. Peli shows us almost nothing in terms of visual effects, which only heightens the experience: you can’t help but feel a powerful sense of dread every time his camera sits and stares into the shadowy abyss of the couple’s bedroom while they sleep.

Tons of sequels, rehashes and rip-offs later, Paranormal Activity remains authentically frightening and deserves its berth on a list of the century’s best horror movies.

Watch Paranormal Activity on Amazon

Let the Right One In / Let Me In (2008/2010)

In an era of endless bloodsucking YA hotties, leave it to an 11-year-old girl to create the best and eeriest vampire seen on the screen in years. Based on a novel by Swedish author John Ajvide Lindqvist and directed by fellow Swede Tomas Alfredson, this is the story of the friendship that grows between lonely, bullied 12-year-old Oskar (Kare Hedebrant) and the little girl who lives in the apartment next door, Eli (Lina Leandersson) — an ancient vampire inside the body of a child. Let the Right One In is scary, funny, romantic and also quite mournful, tackling themes of youth, sexuality, loyalty, loss of innocence and love within a terrific and haunting vampire tale.

The two child actors are outstanding, with Leandersson projecting an otherworldliness and weariness far beyond her years. Credit is also due to the English-language remake by director Matt Reeves, who stayed largely faithful to the original while tweaking its meaning slightly (his actors, Chloe Moretz and Kodi Smit-McPhee, are fine if not quite as good as the Swedish cast).

Watch Let the Right One In here and Let Me In here!

Martyrs (2008)

Brutal and almost unwatchable, Martyrs represented perhaps the apex of the French extreme horror movement. A young woman (Morjana Alaoui) finds herself the subject of vicious “tests” by a secret society, aimed at creating a “martyr” whose suffering can give them a transcendental glimpse into the afterlife. The ordeal she goes through is just the grand finale of a nihilistic exercise in depravity. Director Pascal Laugier’s plunge into unrelieved sadism is given context by its powerful, eerie climax — if you can make it to the end.

Watch Martyrs on Amazon Prime

The Strangers (2008)

Writer and director Bryan Bertino made quite a splash with his debut feature, which relied more on a mounting sense of dread and escalating suspense than violence and gore. The story is a simple, straightforward home invasion narrative, but Bertino keeps it creepy and unsettling throughout thanks to some eerie imagery and his three terrifying antagonists. Bertino has directed some features since – the direct-to-video found footage thriller Mockingbird and The Monster – but The Strangers remains an impressively chilling calling card.

Watch The Strangers on Amazon

Trick ‘r Treat (2007)

Michael Dougherty’s Halloween-themed anthology sat on the shelf for nearly two years until finally (and criminally) getting just a direct-to-home-video release, but the wait was worth it. Dougherty wrote and directed a loving homage not just to the year’s most haunted holiday, but to horror movies and ghost stories in general, delivering four interconnected tales that each serve as a nasty, creepy and thoroughly entertaining exercise in traditional horror, with just the right amounts of atmosphere, scares and gore.

A lot of the best horror movies of this century aim to get under your skin in an unpleasant way, whereas Trick ‘R Treat just wants to have fun – and does.

Watch Trick ‘r Treat on Amazon

[REC] (2007)

This nasty shock to the system from Spanish horror specialist Jaume Balaguero uses the “found footage” style in logical fashion, as it’s told from the point of view of a news team that accompanies a fire brigade to a call at an apartment building. Things quickly take a turn not just for the bad but for the unspeakable as our heroes confront a zombie plague of a horrific nature, and [REC] rubs your nose in every nightmarish moment. The building itself is a spectacular, claustrophobic setting, and what [REC] lacks in meaningful character development it makes up in relentless terror and dread.

Take a good, stiff drink before watching.

Watch [REC] on Amazon

The Mist (2007)

A faithful and pretty great Stephen King adaptation, The Mist is terrifying not just for the macabre monsters that come streaming out of the title cloud to lay siege on a small group of people trapped in a supermarket, but for the way those people turn so quickly on each other as well.

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Movies

Revisiting the Ending of The Mist

By Dan Cooper

Writer/director Frank Darabont, nailing his third King-based adaptation after The Shawshank Redemption and The Green Mile, innately understands that King’s stories are often so disquieting because of the human monsters in them as well as the slimy, tentacled ones. In this case the threat is Mrs. Carmody (Marcia Gay Harden), a religious fanatic who quickly does her best to divide the supermarket into two hostile camps — I’ll let you work out the metaphors.

Beyond that, however, The Mist is a genuinely scary monsterpalooza, with one of the bleakest endings ever. When you go even darker than the King original, that’s saying something.

Watch The Mist on Amazon Prime

The Orphanage (2006)

The debut feature from Spanish director J.A. Bayona (The Impossible) was produced by his friend Guillermo Del Toro, and frankly feels like it. It certainly has many of the hallmarks of Del Toro’s own Spanish-language horror films, with its focus on children, its marvelously atmospheric setting, its short bursts of shocking violence and its ghostly apparitions.

Either way, it’s a rich, beautifully crafted film that becomes unexpectedly and powerfully emotional at the finish. Belen Rueda is sensational as Laura, who returns to her childhood home — an old orphanage — with her husband and adopted son, only to find that it is not exactly empty. An English-language remake was planned for a long time, but perhaps fortunately, it has not happened.

Watch The Orphanage on Amazon

The Descent (2005)

Six women go exploring an unmapped cave system, with tragic and terrifying consequences, in writer/director Neil Marshall’s (Dog Soldiers) riveting horror hit. Marshall subverts the genre with his strong all-female cast (not a male hero in sight), refusing to dumb them down, but then puts the screws to them by introducing the blind humanoid inhabitants of the caves, surely one of the most horrific monster creations of the decade.

The movie is unstoppably scary, showing no mercy to the characters or the audience (one shock early in the film makes this writer jump to this day), but also examines how far people will go to survive in seemingly impossible circumstances. The Descent is a harrowing, suffocating masterpiece.

Watch The Descent on Amazon

Shaun of the Dead (2004)

This loving homage to the films of George A. Romero — the father of the modern zombie movie — and to the horror genre in general launched the careers of director Edgar Wright and stars Simon Pegg and Nick Frost outside of the U.K. And deservedly so: Shaun is a near-perfect blend of horror and comedy, energized by Wright’s visceral style of directing and flavored with clever pop culture and genre references that are even more delicious if you’re a fan.

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Movies

25 Fiendishly Funny Horror Comedies

By Kirsten Howard

TV

The Walking Dead vs. Real-Life Survivalists: How to Prep for The Zombie Apocalypse

By Ron Hogan

Pegg and Frost are perfect as two slackers who must contend with a zombie apocalypse — two of the least likely but most endearingly goofy heroes you’ll ever meet.

Watch Shaun of the Dead on Amazon

Saw (2004)

Saw is now so closely associated with the torture porn genre that its numerous sequels almost singlehandedly gave birth to that people often don’t remember that the original is more of a suspenseful police procedural and genuinely gripping puzzlebox than an outright exercise in sadism. Not that Saw is a sitting-room drama either: there are plenty of visceral moments in the film, and even in his feature debut, director James Wan (The Conjuring) displays a surprising amount of control and confidence in his handling of the horrors.

Saw may or may not be a truly great film, but its influence is enormous and it still packs one of the best endings the genre has ever seen.

Watch Saw on Amazon

28 Days Later (2002)

Looking at Danny Boyle’s revisionist zombie film now, its grimy handheld video esthetic is getting perhaps just a wee bit dated — but even that fails to dilute the sheer aggressive energy of Boyle’s take on the horror genre.

The movie, like its spiritual forefather Night of the Living Dead, is also rich in political and social subtext, while balancing moments of outright terror with passages of almost poetic reflection. Boyle and screenwriter Alex Garland expertly reinvigorated a subgenre that had been nearly moribund, paving the way for both the superb (The Walking Dead) and the silly (the film version of World War Z).

Watch 28 Days Later on Amazon

The Ring (2002)

It was a foregone conclusion that the Japanese horror smash Ringu (1998), after becoming an underground sensation internationally, would be the subject of a big-budget Hollywood remake. But who imagined it would be this good? Director Gore Verbinski and writers Scott Frank and Ehren Kruger retain the original’s focus on atmosphere and creepy imagery over cheap scares, while Naomi Watts — fresh off her sensational turn in Mulholland Drive — is excellent as the reporter and mother who discovers the haunted videotape that causes viewers to die in seven days.

The American version fleshes out a few more narrative points that the Japanese film left ambiguous, but never wavers from its tone of quietly mounting terror. There have been plenty of J-horror remakes in the wake of The Ring, but it remains the first and the best.

Watch The Ring on Amazon

Mulholland Drive (2001)

Debate rages (even now, between this writer and his editor) over whether Mulholland Drive is actually a horror movie, but the simple truth is that filmmaking legend David Lynch has incorporated elements of horror into many of his films. No one comes as close to capturing the essence of a nightmare on screen, and Mulholland Drive contains two of the century’s most skin-freezing scenes: the infamous diner sequence and the discovery of a decomposing corpse in a darkened apartment.

Even if the plot didn’t invoke the genre in other ways — including a supernatural force at work in Hollywood and the Repulsion-like disintegration of a young woman’s mind — those two scenes would be enough to earn a spot on this list.

Watch Mulholland Drive on Amazon

The Others (2001)

Alejandro Amenabar (Open Your Eyes) wrote and directed this elegant ghost story. Nicole Kidman is superb as Grace, who relocates herself and her two small children to a remote country estate in the aftermath of World War II. Their highly structured life — the children are sensitive to sunlight and must stay in darkened rooms — is shattered by mysterious presences in the house. Amenabar relies on mood, atmosphere and a few well-placed scares to make this an excellent modern-day companion to classics like The Haunting and The Innocents.

Watch The Others on Amazon Prime

Session 9 (2001)

“Location, location, location” is what makes this tiny independent chiller from writer/director Brad Anderson (The Machinist) work so well and keeps its reputation intact. A five-man asbestos abatement team is hired to clean out the abandoned Danvers State Mental Hospital in Massachusetts, but the crew, led by the stressed-out Gordon (Peter Mullan), soon finds itself at the mercy of both personal tensions and an unseen force inside the facility.

Anderson shot the movie at the real Danvers, and the empty treatment rooms and labyrinthine underground tunnels create an undeniable atmosphere of disquiet and uncertainty. The nearly gore-free movie is a model of how a fantastic setting, a solid cast and an almost complete lack of jump scares can make for a thoroughly haunting viewing experience.

Watch Session 9 on Amazon

The Devil’s Backbone (2001)

Guillermo Del Toro has made several great movies in his career so far, but for our money this remains his best, scariest and most profoundly affecting work (Pan’s Labyrinth is a close, close second). The Devil’s Backbone is a ghost story set during the waning days of the Spanish Civil War, at an orphanage for boys where an unexploded bomb is embedded in the courtyard and a spirit is wandering the halls at night.

The movie is drenched in both a heavy atmosphere of dread and a blanket of sadness; its mournful elegance counterbalances some of its more chilling scenes of terror. This is dark supernatural storytelling at its finest and a marvelous example of just how high the horror genre — so often maligned by critics — can reach.

Watch The Devil’s Backbone on Amazon

Kairo (2001)

Films like Ringu and Juon were the cornerstones of the Japanese horror explosion of the late ‘90s, but for my money, Kairo is the pinnacle of that era. Director/writer Kiyoshi Kurosawa’s film is one of the most unnerving exercises in surreal horror ever made, with one frightening image after another washing onto the screen. Although the movie’s central idea – -that the realm of the dead is infiltrating our world through the internet – is original and compelling, its presentation is somewhat murky. But Kurosawa doesn’t necessarily feel the need to spell things out: he wants to instead lure you into a living nightmare – which Kairo accomplishes over and over again.

Watch Kairo on Amazon

That’s our list — did we miss any of your favorites that you’d like to add? Let us know below!

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