#abridged fanfic

[tiredfairywings]

Want to make a PJSK Artist Suffer? Read my Fanfic!

So because I want attention (frfr) and I want people to read my fic (frfr) and interact with my fic (frfr) I am making a parody of those sub goals those twitch/youtube/modern kids run (sounding old on purpose frfr). [Is frfr getting old?]  If we hit these goals I will either make or pay an artist (which means you potential artist can be hired!!) to make these goals real! Yes that's right! You dear reader can contribute to this fic's success and get funny/interesting stuff out of this! So share this with your friends, especially if you want an unsuspecting creator to suffer pain! I'm not a masochist I swear Key: * = Animatic ** = Song (That's right. A voice reveal and my cringe singing- Gonna start singing lessons frfr) *** = Fic/Writing **** = Animation ***Abridged aka Comedic/Unserious Version of this Fic -  1000 Hits and 100 Kudos *BROKE MY HEART Meme (w/ Ena) - 1500 Hits and 200 Kudos *Happy Day in Hell Animatic (w/ Emu) - 2000 Hits and 350 Kudos *Time to be Awesome (w/ WxS) - 2750 Hits and 425 Kudos *Fiction [Wotakoi: Love is Hard for an Otaku OP] Storyboard/Animatic OP for this Fic - 3500 Hits and 500 Kudos *Can't Help Falling in Love with You (w/Airi) - 4000 Hits and 650 Kudos Tbh I don't believe that we'll get this far so if we do, I'll edit this. If we don't, I say, I told yall so. *Let it go Fire!Elsa Parody (w/ Ena) -  *Barbie Diamond Castle Parody Animatic (w/ Kanade & Honami) - *Let it go Earth!Elsa Parody (w/Mafuyu) - *Good for you ver 1 (w/ Kanade + the old elemental spirits) - *Did I mention (w/ Touya & Ena) - *Let it go Air!Elsa Parody (w/ Kanade) - *It starts with Sorry (w/ Emu & Tsukasa) - *I'll Make a Man out of You (w/ Tsukasa [+ WxS] & Kohane[+ Minori & Haruka]) - *Let it go Water!Elsa Parody (w/ Mizuki) - *Reaching out Miraculous (w/ Ichika) - **Sofia the First theme song Parody (w/Minori) -  *Ruu's Melody Genshin (w/ Kanade & Honami & Kanade's Parents) - *Into the Sky (w/ Kanade & Mafuyu) - *Is he Gay or European (w/ Touya) - *Little Miss Perfect (w/Shizuku) - *Mephisto ED for this Fic (w/ Everyone) - *Make a Minori the First Animatic -  *Heather Animatic (w/ Akito, Ena, and Touya) -  *Perfect Day from Barbie Princess and the Popstar (w/ Minori & Haruka) - *Once Upon A Time the Musical (w/ everyone) - *Perfect by Simple Plan (w/ Touya) - *The Pony I wanna be (w/ Airi & Shiho) - *The Magic Inside (w/ Shizuku) - *You'll Play your Part (w/ Kanade + Old Elemental Spirits) - *Loathing Animatic (w/ Mafuyu and Rui) -  *Crush Song Meme (w/ Ena) - *Never Acting At All (w/ Nene & Tsukasa) - *My Once Upon a Time (w/ An) - *For Good (w/ Kanade & Mafuyu ) - *Alive Arknights (w/ Shiho) - *Requiem (w/ Various) - *Satisfied (w/ Ena, Akito, & Touya) - *Flower Tower (w/ Saki & Emu & Tsukasa & Leo/Need) - *Loser, Baby (w/ Mizuku & Ena) - *Someone Gets Hurt Reprise (w/ Nene & Tsukasa) -  *Good for you ver 2 (w/ Mafuyu + Emu, Rui, Kanade) -  *Pinkie's Lament (w/ Emu) - *Guitar, Loneliness, and Blue Planet (w/ LeoNeed) - *More than I Fear You (w/ Touya & Touya's dad) - *Nothing Left to Lose Frozen Rewrite ver. (w/ Mizuki & Rui) - *You Didn't Know Hazbin (w/ Various) - *Crossing the Line Frozen II Rewrite Ver. (w/ Mafuyu & Rui) - *Stand from ZOMBIES (w/ Kohane) - *This Day Aria (w/Emu & Rui & Mafuyu & Kanade & Mafumom) - *Ready as I'll ever Be (w/ Various) - *Omake Pfadlib (w/ Everyone) - *Out for Love (w/ Kanade & Rui) - *Open up your Eyes (w/ Rui & Mafumom) - *Space Between (w/ LeoNeed) - *17 sai (w/ Mafuyu) - *The Guy I'd Kinda be Into (w/ Ichika & Shiho) - *Unsung Melodies (w/ everyone) - *Fashion Meme (w/ Everyone) -  *I do adore (Multiship shhhh- Spoilers) - *Written in Your Heart Finale from Barbie Princess and the Pauper (w/ everyone) - ****Sugar Song to Bitter Step Animation or Animatic (w/everyone) -

[aachria]

FUCK IT YALL IM PULLING AN ALL NIGHTER ITS ALREADY 9 IM JUST STAYIN UP. ILL GO TO BE EARLY OR SOWMTHINF.

Oh em gee y’all I’m gonna take a nap later. I’m gonna nap how incredible is that gonna be!!!

Anyway in honour of that here’s a really shitty drawing I did yesterday of Ed as Alucard from Hellsing Ultimate (which no, I have never watched. I watch the abridged when I get really sad so there’s that??) because I have little to no self control.

The hands are weird the gun is a brick and the cursive is fake. I’m not gonna feel bad about it xoxo

Man I’m immediately rethinking my decision I might just pass out as soon as I post this

[sapphire-draw]

Hargon and Malroth can have such an interesting (comedic) dynamic

[guronffs]

*In the inside of Angel's head* Internal Angel 1: What are ya doin!? We're just starin' at Alastor right now! We look like a fuckin' weirdo! Internal Angel 2: What am we supposed ta do!? We don't even know why he likes us in the first place! Internal Angel 1: Alright, alright, calm down. As long as he doesn't throw us any curveballs, we should be fine. Alastor: What shall we do today, my dear? IA1: Fuck! He said, "my dear," why is he so hot!? IA2: What do we say!? IA1: You think I fuckin' know!? Usually we just fuck a guy and they're on their way out. We're in uncharted territory here with this committed relationship shit! IA2: Well, we gotta say somethin', we're lookin' like dipshits right now! IA1: Ok... just say anythin'. IA2: Anythin'? IA1: Anythin', with gusto! Angel Dust (Vocally): Let's get married. IA1: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!? IA2: You said say anythin'! IA1: Anythin' except that, ya fuckin' idiot! IA2: Fuck you! Like ya said, we're in uncharted territory here, it's not like anyone taught us what to do here! IA1" *Sigh* Ya know what, it's fine. We'll just say it's a joke when they ask what we mean, no worries. Alastor: Of course.

IA1: What did we just do!? IA2: Hey, chill, he looks happy about it. Maybe he knows somethin' about this that we don't. Internal Alastor 1: Why in all of Hell would you say yes!? Internal Alastor 2: I don't know!

Inspired by SAO abridged episode 10. I saw someone do this with Sonally and wanted to do it with Radiodust. Hope you enjoyed it!

[evelili]

Okay I’ve finally gotten around to finishing your magnum opus and GODD the scene of twilight standing up to nightmare and all the girls supporting her AND THE ART??? Holy crap this is so good

ty! it was one of my fav scenes to write too :D

[zaphiregz]

Second part of the other pic

This is after their training session, was supossed to be a lil quality time only with ya' and the Cell Jrs but Frieza also joined cuz' he wanted your attention too.

Junior once again is so done with his presence, at this point at least he tolerates it better.

[silvershadow1711]

"There's nothing to fear, for I... AM HERE!"

"Oh god, is that his catchphrase...?"

After using Krita for three fucking years, I have FINALLY found an inking pen I enjoy using! And guess what? It's a fucking ballpoint pen, because that is the ONLY thing I will ever truly be comfortable inking with, even digitally!!

*ahem* Anyway, I hate MHA but I love this old magical girl (he turns into a super-powered version of himself- he's a magical girl) and I had to try my hand at him. I will be drawing the (objectively hotter) skrunkly version eventually, but muscles are too much fun to pass up.

[gildedladyyy]

WIP Fanfic - Of Spiders & Birds

Of Spiders & Birds

By: gildedlady on AO3

Rating: M for light/referenced sexual content and violence

Summary:

If Peter had been fifteen or so years younger, a newly minted Spider-Man with everything to prove and no one to prove it to, and he had been flung across universes to Gotham, he might have found himself in a different situation. Dick would have done his damnedest to take him in, would have pulled his family in to help. Jason would have been pulled into protecting yet another street rat, Tim would have bonded with him over technology and nerdy shit, Damian would have been wary and unimpressed, and if Bruce were there, he would have taken this kid under his wing, like he did every stray orphan that showed promise that had nowhere to go and no one to call home. Peter, at fifteen, had been reckless, and stupid, and impetuous, and desperate to please. He wanted to make up for his mistakes, take responsibility for his city, and prove to everyone that he could do it. 

He would’ve hidden himself from the Bats, done everything he could to fix what he could in Gotham while he tried to find a way back home. He would’ve gotten himself hurt, and they would have taken him in. He would have found himself in their giant penthouse or manor or wherever the hell rich people lived, and they would have taken care of him until he found a way to get home to his city. Thirty year old Peter? Who had a daughter to take care of, a husband and daughter to get home to? Peter knew Gotham was a shit hole. Peter knew there was no way to get home without magic, or science, or some weird convoluted mixture of both. Peter needed to get home so he could go back to his life, where May wasn’t forced into becoming some fucked up child soldier like Damian and the rest of the Bats. Where she and Ellie could squabble and hug it out, where she could grow up semi peacefully. Peter wanted to curl up with Wade at the end of a long day of work, wanted to have their movie nights and read the girls Percy Jackson and kiss their foreheads before turning off the lights. He wanted to pat Miles on the back, drag the kid into a hug when he graduated college. He wanted to put fresh flowers on Aunt May and MJ’s graves, and sit with them for a little bit while he gushed about how well Mayday and Ellie were doing in school. He wanted to go home, and not because he had some convoluted sense of duty or honor, but because he had people to love, to care for, to protect. 

Batman and his birds could deal with Gotham, and all its’ fucked up rogues. Peter was going to get his fucking daughter home if it killed him.  Mayday was his responsibility. Getting home was his mission. Anything else was superficial. 

Pairings: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson

Tags (so far): Peter Parker | Spider-Man, May “Mayday” Parker | Spider-Girl, Wade Wilson | Deadpool, Eleanor “Ellie” Camacho, Mary Jane “MJ” Watson, Miles Morales, Jefferson Davis, Richard “Dick” Grayson | Nightwing | Batman, Damian Wayne | Robin, Peter Parker’s Radioactive Semen, Cancer, Minor Character Death, See Peter’s sperm, See MJ having his baby, Family Dynamics, Peter Parker is (mostly) retired, Wade Wilson is (almost mostly) retired, Getting Together, Mayday and Ellie are preschool buddies and they get their dads together accidentally, Spidery Peter Parker, Spidery Mayday Parker, Actress MJ Watson, Peter Parker is a Good Dad, Wade Wilson is a Good Dad, Crossover, Vigilantes, Crime Fighting, Sorcerers & Magic, Multiverse, Dimensional Travel, Family Dynamics, Super-Family, Dick Grayson is Batman, Getting Together, Nonlinear Story-Telling, Time Jumps, both as a literary device and for the plot, Peter Parker in Gotham, but he’s older and has a kid, Bruce Wayne is lost in time, Magic Mishaps for the Plot, Kidnapping, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Vengeful Father Peter Parker

[sheepiemc]

Seven Stupid Reasons to Summon a Demon

Reason #6: can't open a pickle jar

Today was the day. 

The day all this effort would finally pay off. You just knew the look on his face when you presented him with what you have done would make all this hard work worth it. 

After all, you began planning for this months ago. 

You were inspired by those street food videos that always ended up in your YouTube recommendations somehow. It was one of your favorite things to watch with your favorite big eater when he would visit; you shared an appreciation for food, not just how it tasted but for the craft as well. You had promised him that every time you summoned him to the human world, you would treat him to a different human world “delicacy” as he would call it, but sometimes watching a video was enough. One such video you watched together was of a cheeseburger place that boasted all their ingredients were made in-store, by hand. That video had both Beelzebub AND you drooling, even the cinematography was surprisingly impressive. The tomatoes were such a beautiful red and the lettuce was such a vibrant green, both still glistening from their fresh wash. The sizzling griddle made your mouth water and the buns looked so soft.

Beel couldn’t stop talking about that video for months and you ended up promising that you would get that burger into his mouth as soon as you possibly could. The only problem was that the restaurant was on the other side of the world from where you lived and, if you were being honest, your teleportation magic still wasn’t that great. So Beel put it out of his mind, secure with the promise that you would get it to him, eventually — while you set to work on trying to figure out how to make it at home yourself. 

You studied the video (and several like it), gathered recipes for everything at a much more reasonable serving size (though you were sure Beel could eat an entire restaurant's worth of food, you didn't have access to a commercial kitchen that could handle production at that scale), and slowly gathered an arsenal of kitchenware that would make things a little easier on you (you always wanted a deep fryer).

You decided early on that you were going to go with a BYOB (“build your own burger”) thing so you could eat only what you liked and he could have a little bit of everything (and all those other burger videos inspired you). This whole week has pretty much been tech week for you, prepping the stuff that would need longer than a day to prepare, like the brioche buns and the bacon (you really made your own bacon!), and buying your produce carefully so that they will be perfectly ripe on the day you need them.

Which is today! 

You've already spent most of the afternoon working on making everything from scratch and now it was time for you to face your white whale… 

The secret burger sauce. 

All throughout the week, you’ve been testing small batches of the recipe but you couldn’t get it just right. It always felt like it was missing something. You didn’t know how difficult this sauce would be or you would have given yourself more time over the months you took to prep. You were down to the wire and getting desperate. For this attempt, you were going to go with straight-up pickle juice instead of relish because you didn’t like something about the texture. To be honest, you weren't a big pickle fan anyway but it's a staple in the burger order — it felt blasphemous to just leave it out. If that didn’t help, well, hopefully only you would know of this burger’s one glaring imperfection. 

You measure out your mayonnaise and ketchup ratio and go to retrieve your brand-new, never-been-opened jar of sliced pickles from the fridge. You'll take what you need for the recipe and probably give the rest to Beel as a snack. 

 You grab the lid and attempt to twist it open, as you would any other jar. When that failed, even with a bit more effort, you try your other tried-and-true methods for opening difficult jars. You grab a kitchen towel for grip, to no avail. You run it under hot water, but that doesn't work either. You even grab a knife and attempt to pry it open but in your frustration, you lose grip and end up cutting your thumb. Perhaps that was the final straw and you contemplate just smashing the jar against the counter. 

No, that is not proper food handling safety protocol. There would be little glass shards everywhere and you would have a huge mess. 

You sigh and wrap a paper towel around your hand for now. 

Of course, everything else was going so smoothly. Something had to go wrong eventually.

You wanted to wait till everything was ready before you called him over but desperate times call for desperate measures. You look up to the night sky from your kitchen window and imagine where Beel’s star would be in the Devildom sky. How this actually counts as a summoning token beats the hell out of you, but if it works, it works. 

You close your eyes and concentrate. You feel a warm presence to your right and open your eyes in time to watch the red glow fade and Beelzebub appears before you. 

“I smell food.” 

“Open this!” You thrust the yet-unopened pickle jar into his chest. He looks down at the jar, confused, and pops the jar open like it's a thing to do. He looks back up at you and tilts his head to the side. An adorable expression crosses his face that would have melted you instantly — if it weren’t for the fact that your spirit was broken by how easy it was for him to twist it open. 

You clutch your head in your hands and sink to the floor.

"Hey!" Beel crouches down to meet you and notices the paper towel wrapped around your cut thumb. He tenderly pulls your hand away from your face to inspect it. When he sees the bright crimson splotch, his eyes widen and he looks at you, concerned. 

“MC…” 

“Ah,” you look away, suddenly embarrassed, “it’s not that big a deal, Beel.” You wave your other hand dismissively and try to pull the other from his grasp, “I can barely feel it, I just bleed a lot.” But, he doesn’t let you pull away, his grip gentle yet firm.

“You should still take care of this,” he stands up and pulls you up with him. He spots a barstool behind him where he can sit you down and do just that. He walks backward and carefully leads you over, still holding your hand — softly, as if applying too much pressure would shatter you into a million pieces. You roll your eyes and smile playfully, obliging him without protest when he lifts you onto the barstool and holds his hands out to you in a stay motion. 

He turns his head, looking around your apartment, “Where do you keep your first aid kit?” 

You gesture with your head, “Under the sink in the bathroom.” 

He nods once and goes to retrieve it. You wait patiently for his return, kicking your dangling feet on the barstool. You were sure the “wound” was already starting to close up but once Beel set his mind to something, there was no stopping him. 

He returns with the kit unceremoniously, as if this is the most mundane thing and not completely unnecessary, practically performing surgery for a paper cut. You give him a look that he pointedly ignores. He puts the kit on the counter and opens it. Once he gets out what he needs, he holds out his hand. You roll your eyes audibly and place your hand in his. 

He peels off the paper towel and finally inspects the actual cut running down the pad of your thumb. You get a good look at it for the first time yourself. There’s still a bit of smudged blood but other than that, it’s hard to tell you even cut yourself. Though, it is longer than you thought. The shock of the initial nick was more surprising than painful. 

“How did you do this?” He asks, intensely focusing on cleaning the now-almost-invisible cut. You jerk at the stinging sensation of the anti-septic and Beel mumbles an apology. 

“I was trying to open the pickle jar…”

When you don’t continue, he prompts, “How do you cut your hand on a pickle jar?” He pulls out a bandage and holds it up to the cut, gauging whether it will fit. Apparently, one normal-sized band-aid isn’t enough and he grabs another smaller one. 

“I tried to pry it open with a knife. Obviously, the knife won.” 

He chuckles softly and shakes his head slightly, using the two band-aids to cover the "laceration" completely. Trying to bandage a thumb is always awkward but you’re at least grateful Beel didn’t feel the need to use gauze. 

“You should be more careful, humans are so fragile.” He holds up your hand, now properly dressed. You think it's way overkill but the satisfied smile on Beel’s face almost makes you glad you cut your hand doing something so silly. 

“You’re not gonna kiss it to make it all better?” You say jokingly, sarcastic even, but as soon as the words leave your mouth you know he’s going to take this request very seriously. 

He contemplates your words and, after a brief silence that feels like an eternity, he leans forward and pulls your hand up to his face. 

Your eyes widen and you can feel your face flush before his lips even make contact with your bandaged thumb. You couldn’t even feel anything because of the damn band-aid but that doesn’t stop your heart from doing flips anyway. The kiss lingers longer than a medical practitioner would probably recommend. His eyes are glued to yours and, despite your embarrassment, you can't look away. 

“There,” he smiles roguishly and keeps your hand near his mouth, “Now it's all better.” 

“Alright, wiseguy!” You snatch your hand away from him and hold it to your chest, which is hammering wildly. 

He chuckles again, that deep rumbling in his chest that makes you feel weak. He steps closer to you and puts both hands on either side of you, effectively trapping you between him and the counter. 

“I was only doing what you said…” He leans forward, his face mere inches from yours. You lean away and turn your head to the side, face now burning. 

You make a noise that is something between a scoff and laugh and fumble over whatever words you had planned on saying next. 

He chuckles again and he’s so close you can almost feel the vibration of it, saying, “Your face is all red. My favorite color on you.” 

“OKAY, ENOUGH DISTRACTION, WE GOT FOOD TO PREPARE!” 

You place your hands on his chest to push him away but he grabs the bandaged hand and says, “You can’t work with this injury, MC.”

You scoff again. “Beel, it's just a cut, I’m fine.”

“Nope, too much strain. I’ll have to take over for you.” He surveys the kitchen and you watch his eyes literally light up when they land on the food you set up already.

“But Beel, you’ll eat everything before we can even assemble the burgers!” 

He looks back at you with child-like glee when his suspicions are proven correct. “Well,” he says, “that’s why you’ll be here to supervise.” 

You close your eyes and take a deep breath. When you open them again, you know that Beel is absolutely not gonna budge on this, no matter how ridiculous it is to you. 

You sigh and push him away from you so you can get off the barstool, “Fiiine, you can help… but I’m gonna be super strict about snacking!!” 

He beams at you and you feel your false annoyance melt away. You guide him back to the kitchen, pull out a spare apron for him and direct him to the sink so he can wash his hands. 

“I needed the pickles for toppings,” you start explaining, “but I also needed some of the juice for the secret sauce.” You pull out the measuring spoons from the drawer they reside in and Beel snatches them out of your hand almost immediately. 

You look at him incredulously. 

”Measuring pickle juice is not a strenuous activity,” you say. 

“What if you get pickle juice on your bandages and then I have to do it all over again,” he leans down to you as he says, “with the kiss and everything.” 

Your cheeks heat up from the memory. 

You cross your arms and groan. “Ugh, FINE.” You nod toward the bowl with mayo and ketchup already in it, “Our batch is doubled so 2 tablespoons of pickle juice.” 

Beel smiles at you and happily gets to measuring. You roll your eyes and fight off your own smile. You move around him and reach up to your spice cabinet. “All we have left is the spices and we’re gonna eyeball those measurements.” 

You say the ingredients as you pull down each one, “Salt, black pepper, smoked paprika, aaaand… garlic powder.” You reach for the garlic powder and you wonder how it even ended up on the top shelf. 

After watching you struggle for a minute, Beel reaches over and puts it on a shelf that is more in your reach. You mutter a quiet thank you under your breath.

You watch him eyeball each measurement, looking back to you for approval every time. Once you get through them all, he looks at you expectantly.

“Ok,” you pull out a tester spoon for each of you, “we have to test the sauce.” You hold out the spoon to him but pull it back when he reaches for it a little too eagerly. “JUST a taste, alright?”

He nods at you vigorously but you just look at him skeptically. You remember #LasagnaSauceGate like it was just yesterday. But then he gives you his sad puppy look and you easily hand over the spoon.

You keep your eye on him as you both dip your spoons in and take a taste simultaneously. The pickle juice is better but it’s still missing something. You look at Beel pleadingly. He looks at you, then looks at the spices. He adds more salt and you both taste again. Better but it could still use something.

“What if…” he whispers under his breath, almost to himself, and he looks into your spice cabinet for something. He picks up a short jar and looks to you, asking, “Where do you keep your sugar?”

 Sugar... Sweetness! That’s what was missing! The recipe you were using didn’t call for that much ketchup and the pickle juice was almost overpowering. You look at the jar in his hand and read “Cayenne”. And heat! Of course! Now you just feel stupid. You were so focused on the recipes, you didn’t think outside the box — or bun, in this case! 

You must have gone on a face journey because Beel asks, mildly concerned, “Are you okay?”

You grab him by the shoulders and shout, “Beel, that’s it!”

“What’s it?”

“You found what was missing! It needed to be sweeter! Ugh, I could kiss you!”

Now it was his turn to turn a bit red.

“You know what might be better than sugar?” You turn away from him and head to the fridge. You pull your prize from the door and reveal it dramatically, “Maple syrup.”

His eyes sparkle, “Oh, that’s a good idea.”

You both spend the next few minutes experimenting and tasting the secret sauce until it becomes something your proud to put your name on. Now, these burgers will be literally flawless. You get the sauce into a squeeze bottle and wrestle it away from Beel before he starts squirting it directly into his mouth. 

“Now,” you say, pointing Beel over to the next station, “all we need is to cut the rest of our toppings and we can set everything out." You mosy on over to the fridge to pull out the lettuce, tomatoes, and your pre-cut onions. 

But before you even open the vegetable crisper, you hear a very distinct *munch* — the kind of munch that sounds like someone’s trying to be secretive… 

You quickly turn your head in time to catch the culprit, stealing one of the slices of homemade bacon. Beel freezes mid-chew. He followed you to the fridge and the intoxicating aroma of the bacon must’ve finally broke him. Honestly, you were impressed he lasted this long. You don’t say that, though, instead opting for a pointed look — first at him, then the bacon still in his hand, then back at him. 

When neither of you moves for a few seconds, he continues chewing and extends the other piece of bacon towards you as a peace offering, his expression the picture of innocence. 

You squint your eyes at him and grab your stuff from the fridge. He patiently holds the bacon out to you as you get up, close the fridge door, and march over to him. You put your hands, still holding the vegetables, on your hips and lean forward, capturing the bacon between your teeth. 

“No more!” You tell him sternly through a mouthful of bacon and he nods once, licking his fingers that once held the morsel of meat. The smoky flavor of the bacon melts in your mouth and you groan under your breath, “Man, that’s good.” 

You hold up the produce bags and proudly announce, “I got butter lettuce!” 

“Wow.” 

“I just thought that they look so pretty. And these little guys,” you hold up the tomatoes, “are called better boys.” You pull the tomatoes out of the bag to show off how beautifully red they are. 

“Isn’t that so cute?” You look admirably at the better boys so you don’t see the soft look on Beel’s face when he looks at you as he says, “Yeah, cute.” 

You also don’t notice him leaning closer and closer until his lips make contact with you cheek. It’s a quick kiss but it short circuits your brain just the same. So much so, you don’t register that Beel was actually leaning over to grab ANOTHER slice of bacon behind you. 

“HEY!” Your cheeks burn again and you hate it, “That’s playing dirty!” You tackle his middle and physically move him away from the plate. He munches mischievously as you say, “Alright, let’s move ourselves completely away from the temptation.” 

You’re not taking your eyes off him anymore. You set out the already cut onions on the topping plate where you put out some pickles and put the tomatoes and lettuce on the counter. 

“I’m assuming you won’t let me handle a knife anymore, huh?” 

He shakes his head solemnly. 

“Yeah, I figured.” 

You make the I’m watching you gesture as you bend down to pull out a clean cutting board from a low cabinet and pull a serrated knife out of a drawer. You present these on the counter next to the bags of produce. 

“Wash them first, please.” 

Beel obliges and places the washed lettuce and tomatoes on the cutting board next to the tomatoes. He looks at them for a moment before he gets an idea. 

“You know…” he starts cautiously, “there’s a way that we can both get what we want.” 

You furrow your eyebrows, “What do u mean?” 

“Use me.” 

You stare at him for a moment… “I beg your pardon??” 

“Use my hands to cut the tomato.” 

Now it’s your turn to tilt your head to the side like a confused puppy. 

“Like this.” He moves you to the counter so you're standing in front of the cutting board and potions himself behind you, so his large frame envelopes yours. He maneuvers his hands underneath yours and grabs the knife in one hand and tomato in the other. 

You are once again trapped between the counter and Beelzebub’s body, but you aren’t complaining. You silently thank somebody that you aren’t facing him so he can’t see the redness slowly creeping onto your face again. 

”See? Now we’re both helping; You're in charge but I’m holding the knife and keeping you safe.” 

“I- I see.” You can’t help but stutter. You were caught off guard but somehow this makes a lot of sense. 

You only lightly grip his hands and let him lead but it’s the thought that really counts. You enjoy the comfortable silence as you cut through all the tomatoes and offer tomato slices up to Beel’s mouth periodically, for good behavior. 

Once the tomatoes are done, you reach Beel’s hand over to the lettuce, saying, “We’re just gonna tear these off by hand,” and he does. You offer him a couple of leaves, asking him how they taste. You receive a positive grunt in response. 

You set up the rest of the ingredients on the counter this way; you put the lettuce and tomato on the plate with the onion and pickles, you get out a can of pineapple slices and set those out too, your onion jam, pickled onion and pickled jalapeño that you almost forgot in the fridge — all with your relatively small hands holding onto Beel’s big ones. 

Once you set up everything, you get to grilling your patties (you don’t forget the cheese, of course!), and even then, the only adjustment made to your position is Beel giving up on pretending to be your hands and just wrapping his arms around your waist. 

Once you think you have enough patties to start, you pry yourself from his grip and turn around to face him. You spread your arms wide in a sweeping gesture and say, “ta-da!” 

Beel laughs. 

“Well,” you continue, “it was supposed to be a surprise. As you can see, I wanted to set up a Build-Your-Own-Burger bar with all handmade ingredients.” You look over to what you set up together and feel a swell of pride flood your chest. “Y'know because that restaurant from the video is so far away? And I… wanted to do something nice for you.” 

You finally look up at him and you could swear you see all the Devildom stars shining in his eyes. Yup, there it is — the face that made it all worth it.

“MC,” he breathes. 

“Ah, it’s no big deal,” you scratch the back of your neck and wave your hand dismissively. “You do sweet things for me all the time, like saving the last slice of hellfire cheesecake because it’s my favorite or like, bandaging my hand just now! I’m just returning the fav-OOF!” 

Your sentence was cut off from the sheer force and power of the avatar of gluttony’s famed (or infamous) hugs. This time, he wrapped his arms completely around your middle and lifted you high off the ground, hugging you securely to his chest. 

“Thank you,” he says with pure joy, “You said it's not a big deal but it is to me.” 

You flail a bit before you grip his biceps tightly, steadying yourself. It's moments like these when you remember just how strong demons really are. He's holding you in his arms like you’re a teddy bear that weighs nothing. You're nearly touching the ceiling and the added height is making you nervous. 

“Ok, Beel, you can put me down now,” you giggle nervously. 

“Oh,” he notices the waver in your voice and gently sets you back on the floor. He does not remove his arms from around you, saying, “Sorry, I got excited.” He looks down at you with that warm smile and you feel yourself mirror it back to him. 

“Now let's eat!” 

You build yourself some burgs with all the trimmings you desire. You're pretty sure two is your limit — if you can even finish that much. You watch as Beel builds several burgers, even one where he attempts to stack every possible topping (that one is sure to end rather messy). You support him through them all, even grilling more patties when he finishes off the first batch. You knew Beel was going to clean you out, leaving no food behind — in fact, you planned on it. You could worry about groceries tomorrow. Right now, you are just happy to share this meal with him. 

He even insisted on washing all the dishes for you, because of your “injury”, of course. As ridiculous as that sounded, you didn’t protest. There were a lot of dishes to clean with how busy you have been all day. Now it was your turn to wrap your arms around his middle. Y’know, to help. 

After the dishes are clean and both your tummies are satisfied, you flop on top of him on your couch and watch more YouTube videos of people making food! For future inspiration, of course. 

After not very long at all, you feel before you hear the tell-tale rumbles of the avatar of gluttony’s black hole stomach. 

You lift your head from his chest and he sheepishly asks, “MC, did you get anything for dessert?” 

You grin at him. 

“Just who exactly do you take me for?” 

Because what goes better with burgers than a milkshake? 

[vermont-writes-fanfic]

Shrödinger x tall reader? I’m 6”2 and heard Shrödinger is like 5’2-5’5 lol

Sure thing! Been meaning to get to this one because I think it’s super cute. Forgive me if this is a little OOC for Schrödinger, I’ve not rewatched some of it yet haha. Also did this in a more head cannon ish format so don’t hurt me 🥲

Request: Yes

Warnings: Non really, a little cussing?

Pronouns: She/her

Your just short

Schrödinger

• Schrödinger is used to being short among his peers, but most of them are men

•When you show up, it’s a different story, he suddenly finds himself not only short but dwarfed

• You, are very tall, make him truly feel like Schrödinger’s cat

• At first he’s adverse to it, you don’t even tease him for it like the others do on occasion and this annoys him

• “Why are you so damn tall?”

•After a while he comes around to it, even makes a habit of annoying you

•Be prepared to have him try and climb over you

• He sees you as a big tree and tells you as such

•The others see it as funny and a relief despite the whole being evil thing

Sorry for it being so short lol

Hope you liked it either way!

[incorrect-web-novels]

Tianlang-jun: Sorry, what was I talking about?

Luo Binghe: You were apologizing.

Tianlang-jun: That doesn't sound like me.

[legendary-sky-sketch-artisan]

So do you guys remember hellsing abridged, where Alucard was watching adventure time on Netflix. What do you think his reaction were to Fiona and Cake?

[hikikomori-route]

The following is a non-profit fan-based parody, Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, Dragon Ball GT are owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, Fuji TV and Akira Toriyama. Home For Infinite Losers is also a non-profit fan-based parody which is made by Team Four Star and animated by DevilArtemis.

Please support the official release!

~~~

After a fatal accident, Yamcha finds himself at King Yemma's desk!… unfortunately, after some technical issues ensue, he ends up falling straight into Hell… or well, HFIL, actually. Can he survive a full 24 hours so he can be returned to Heaven?

Find out now!

[guardian-andi]

Andi had been captured again, but this time Robyn was restrained too.

Robyn: What the hell sir? Why'd you take me too? I'm not gonna try anything! Grand Inquisitor: Really Koris? You expect me to believe that? Even with you bound I'm not convinced you won't try to set me on fire with your mind...

Grand Inquisitor: You're trying to do it right now aren't you?

Robyn: squinting angrily Staaaaare...

Andi: Easy There.

[kattailjump]

"The silence had never bothered [Cell] before. He even has a genuine, if grudging, affection for silence. The best and worst moments of his life, the most memorable, had been filled with sound and action. Screams and smoke and bodies colliding and that glorious rush of adrenaline from meeting your equal in hand to hand combat; the silence in between those moments had its own allure."

- Blowing Off Steam, Ch. 2 by Clorax67