#about mental illnesses they thought they might have

[trashytracktales]

Idk if you write about this topics since they are really sensitive, but it is something I’m currently struggling with and I would like to see how lando would react after finding out that the reader has been hiding a her struggle with mental illness and attempts of ending her life. Once again I know how sensitive this request is but I started reading your work and fell in love with it and thought that you would write this beautifully

Seasons change | LN⁴

💌 REQUESTED by anon ──── This was a pretty difficult one-shot to write, even though it's not very lengthy. I know that mental health is still a topic of actuality that we all deal with in one way or another. The only thing that I want you guys to remember after reading this, is that you are not alone. I know that it may sound like a broken record, but it's true. Each of us has a Lando in our lives who will care enough to stand by you without ulterior motives or conditions. And if you really feel like you don't, I can be him for you. My DMs and ask box are always open, so don't hesitate to reach out if you need someone. You matter in all your forms 🤍

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☆ summary ──── He's been away for work for a while now, but when Lando comes home to find his girlfriend at her lowest, they have to learn the hard way that love is about sitting with each other in the dark, not just chasing the light.

☆ pairing ──── Lando Norris x she/her reader

☆ rating ──── mature

☆ category ──── F/M

☆ word count ──── 2.6k

☆ date ──── Jan. 11, 2025

☆ warnings ──── 16+, established relationship, soft!Lando, mental health struggles, depression, suicidal ideation, mention of alcohol consumption and pills, emotional distress, vulnerability, guilt and healing, non-sexual nudity (bathtub scene, including tenderness and intimacy).

Please, proceed with caution and prioritize your well-being. If you or someone you know is struggling, these are some of the resources I personally used for years now & I think (and hope) that it might help you at some point:

☆ MENTAL HEALTH APPS

Calm

7 cups

BetterMe

☆ INSTAGRAM ACCOUNTS

idontmind

thefabstory (also an app)

getreformative (currently inactive, but great resources posted there)

talkspace

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﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

THE APARTMENT IS too quiet tonight. A space that once felt like a sanctuary, now seems to close in on her, the walls pressing closer with each passing hour.

To anyone looking in, her life might appear perfectly ordinary, even enviable. She has a stable job that she loves, a couple of friends who care in their own way, and Lando. Lando, with his boundless energy, his boyish grin, and his unwavering ability to see the good in her even when she struggles to find it in herself. But beneath that polished surface, there’s a darkness she’s been hiding for as long as she can remember.

She’s not really sure when it happened, or what caused her to lose her spark. Most of the times, she thinks that she’s always been like this, but that can’t be right. Although, at this point in time, it went on long enough that she learned to wear masks and mimic people’s gestures. It’s exhausting, but it’s easier than explaining why some days she can barely drag herself out of bed, or why her mind feels like a storm she can’t escape.

Lately, the same storm has been relentless. Lando’s been away for weeks, hopping from one race to another, his life a whirlwind of fast cars, tons of people, and flashing cameras. She’s proud of him, of course, but his absence leaves a void she can’t seem to fill on her own, no matter how many phone calls they share.

She knows it’s not his responsibility to fix her, but without even knowing it, Lando does it every time he looks at her. In those moments, pieces of her heart are welded back together, giving her hope that one day, maybe, it will be whole again.

Of course, things aren’t that easy.

She’s always been a loner, someone who enjoys her own company more than the chaos of others. This is why she doesn’t go with Lando to all of his races. Over time, they’ve developed their own rhythm, and it only works when they both put in the effort to be together. However, she knows that he often works for both of them. She also knows that it’s not right to let him do this, but she doesn’t know how to stop.

But being alone isn’t the same as being lonely, and lately, the loneliness feels like it’s swallowing her whole. She tries to keep busy, to distract herself with work or a new book, but the dark thoughts always find her; a cycle she can’t break. They usually creep in at night when she’s most vulnerable, whispering lies she can’t ignore.

You’re a burden.

He’d be better off without you.

Everyone would be better off without you.

In spite of everything, she knows she’s lucky, though. She has a roof over her head, food on the table, and someone who loves her. And, somehow, knowing that only makes her feel worse. Most of the times, the guilt is suffocating — a heavy weight that presses down on her chest until she can’t breathe. She’s tried to push the thoughts away, to drown them in work or meaningless distractions. She tried to be grateful. But tonight, like many other nights before, they’ve won.

When Lando steps into the apartment, the soft click of the door is echoing in the stillness. It’s late — later than he’d hoped — and he assumes she’s already asleep, because he texted her hours ago to let her know he was on his way, but there had been no reply.

Dropping his bag quietly by the door, he toes off his sneakers and glances toward the dimly lit living room. The faint glow of the city skyline filters through the curtains, casting muted shadows across the floor. He moves carefully, not wanting to wake her, with a simple plan in mind: slip into bed, wrap his arms around his girlfriend, and fall asleep to the steady rhythm of her breathing.

But something feels off.

On his way to the bedroom, he spots the balcony door slightly ajar. A cool breeze sneaks through the crack, carrying with it the faint scent of something acrid. He pauses, his brow furrowing as he approaches the glass door.

That’s when he sees her.

She’s out on the balcony, her back to him, legs dangling dangerously over the edge. For a moment, he’s frozen in place, his mind struggling to process what he’s seeing. Then his gaze shifts, taking in the scene: some things are knocked over on the small table by the door, a small flacon of pills alongside a half-empty bottle of wine, and all the mess. The realization hits him like a physical blow, and his heart starts pounding in his chest.

But then, panic grips him as he slides the door open, stepping out onto the balcony. The sound startles her, and she turns her head slightly, her expression distant and unfocused. Her eyes are red-rimmed, and there’s an eerie calmness about her that chills him to the core.

“Hey, is everything okay?” asks Lando, his voice soft as he crouches beside her, careful not to make any sudden movements. “What… baby, what are you doing out here?”

She doesn’t answer immediately, her gaze drifting back to the city below. The silence stretches, each second feeling heavier than the previous one.

“Talk to me,” he pleads, his voice slightly cracking. His eyes dart back to the table, to the pill bottle and the wine, and he feels a surge of anger mixed with fear. “Is this—fuck. Did you take these?”

She shakes her head, a small smile curving in the corner of her mouth. “I’m so tired, love,” she whispers finally, her voice shaking over the hum of the city.

Her words hit him like a punch in the gut, and he’s suddenly aware of how fragile she looks, and how close she is to the edge. His hands shake as he reaches for her, gently gripping her arm. His heart beats so hard that he feels it throughout his body — his ribcage, in his throat, in the hand he tightens around her, to make sure he’s holding her with enough force.

“Okay. That’s okay,” he says, his tone soft but urgent. “Let’s go inside, yeah? I’m tired too, we can rest together. What do you say?”

“No… no, it’s not—” she tries to speak, but her brain is clouded by a mental fog, and everything around her moves too quickly for her to catch up.

“Come on, can you step back? Please. For me?”

His last question is what jolts her back to reality. For him? She would do anything for him. Lando knows that, and she soon realizes that he is using it to emotionally blackmail her. He always does that, and it annoys her.

She raises her head to look at him, her tired eyes meeting his, and for a moment, Lando thinks she’ll comply. But then, she pushes his hand away, a trace of betrayal crossing his face.

“No. It’s pretty out here,” she says, gazing down at the world that simply exists under her feet. The distance makes her stomach clench, knowing that all it takes it’s a small misstep for everything to end. Still, she doesn’t move an inch.

“I see that, love,” he agrees, “But I want to talk to you, and I can’t do that unless I make sure you’re safe. Did you… do this before?”

She nods slowly, refusing to look at him.

At that, Lando exhales sharply, running a hand through his hair, trying to calm the storm in his chest. He knows her enough to know when to push and when to give her space, only this time around, he’s met with a weird combination of both. Luckily, his body decides what to do before his mind agrees to it and, cautiously, he climbs up to join her on the edge, his hands gripping the cold railing as his pulse pounds in his ears.

Her head snaps toward him, her expression instantly shifting, panic flashing in her eyes. “No, what are you doing?” she whispers, her voice cracking.

“I’m with you,” he murmurs, his voice tender, laced with fear he’s desperately trying to hide. “If you’re staying here, then so am I.”

She blinks, her lips parting as if to protest, but no words come. Instead, her gaze softens, the wine-induced haze in her eyes clearing. Slowly, she lets out a shaky breath and sits down on the narrow ledge, her hands gripping the edge. Lando follows her lead, sitting close but careful not to crowd her, his knee brushing hers. He hesitates for a moment before gently reaching for her hand, and he exhales relieved when her fingers close around his, grounding both of them.

They sit in silence for a moment, the distant city lights flickering around them.

“I’ve missed you a lot, you know?” he finally whispers, his voice barely audible, breaking the quiet. “I never… If something happens, I don’t want to have to miss you all the time—”

“Lando, I know,” she cuts him off. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” she continues, staring at their joined hands. Her voice is small, guilt creeping into her tone.

He nods, looking at her, “Whatever it is, you can tell me,” Lando says gently. “I know I’m away a lot, but if you need me, I’ll do anything.”

Her grip on his hand tightens slightly just as she turns to meet his eyes. “I’m sorry,” she repeats, tears pooling but not yet falling. “It’s not your fault, Lan. It’s me. I… don’t even know. There’s nothing wrong, but at the same time, nothing’s quite right, either.”

He shakes his head, his thumb brushing over her knuckles. “Don’t apologize for feeling. It just makes me think now, because I thought you trusted me,” says Lando, his words cutting through her like a knife through butter. “I trust you,” he adds, almost like pointing it out.

She knows he does, her mind instantly replaying the moments in her mind, the times he’d come to her with his struggles. When a race didn’t go his way, and he doubted everything he’d worked so hard for. When social media was brutal, tearing him apart with words that left invisible scars. When he felt hated and couldn’t understand why. He always talked to her, shared his pain, his fears, his insecurities. He let her in, trusted her completely. And now, here she was, shutting him out when he was only trying to do the same for her.

“Don’t say that…” she starts, but her voice catches, and her breath hitches. “I’m trying.”

“I know, baby. I know,” Lando says gently, his thumb brushing over her knuckles. “Can we, please, just go inside?”

The tears she’s been holding back for too long finally slip free, carving hot, silent paths down her cheeks. She looks up at him, her lips trembling as she whispers, “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

His expression softens, and without hesitation, he lifts her hand to his lips, pressing a tender kiss to her knuckles, mostly to show her that she didn’t. The gesture is so simple yet so full of love that it sends a fresh wave of emotion crashing over her.

Lando doesn’t let go of her hand as he gently helps her to her feet, guiding her back inside the apartment. The night air clings to their skin, but it’s the quiet inside that feels even heavier. He doesn’t say much, just keeps her close, his touch steady and grounding as they make their way to the bathroom.

A little uncomfortable now, she leans against the doorframe, watching as Lando moves around, carefully. He runs the water, testing the temperature with his hand, adding just the right amount of bath salts from the container on the shelf. The pale lavender-scented steam begins to fill the space, creating a safe bubble for both of them.

When Lando finally looks back at her, his expression is warm and inviting, somehow hopeful. He steps closer, reaching out to gently cup her cheek, wiping away the tear stains that remain.

“You’re everything to me,” he says softly, his thumb brushing over her skin before his hands move to the hem of her hoodie.

She doesn’t protest as he carefully lifts it over her head, his touch tender, his eyes never leaving hers. For a moment, she stands there, feeling vulnerable under his gaze, but there’s nothing but love in his expression.

Her fingers tremble slightly as she reaches out to return the gesture, undoing the buttons on his shirt one by one. His eyes stay locked on hers, silently reassuring her, grounding her in the best way possible. By the time she pushes the fabric off his shoulders, the weight in her chest feels a little lighter.

They step into the bath together, the warm water enveloping them like a soothing embrace. She settles between his legs, her back against his chest, and his arms come around her instinctively. There’s no rush, no need for words. It’s just them, surrounded by the quiet hum of the water and the soft glow of the candles Lando had lit earlier.

He presses a gentle kiss to the top of her head, his lips lingering for a moment before he rests his chin on her shoulder. “Promise you’ll talk to me next time?” he asks, his voice small but steady. “I know things won’t change overnight, I don’t expect them to. But I need to know you understand that I’m here for you. That I love you enough to listen, and feel everything with you.”

The words settle in her chest, heavy but necessary, like the first raindrops of a storm. For the first time in what feels like forever, she sees beyond the swirling chaos in her mind. The weight of his love and understanding wraps around her like the warmth of the water they’re sitting in. And then it hits her.

How life itself is the changing of seasons, a constant push and pull — a constant chaos. Sometimes, the sun will break through, lighting everything in gold. Other times, it will rain so hard she won’t see the way ahead. But Lando’s right. It will get better again. Then worse. And then better again. That’s the way it is for everyone. A relentless tide of ups and downs, joy and pain, hope and disappointments.

As she leans back into his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart, she realizes the most important thing: it isn’t always black or white. Sometimes, it’s a hazy gray — a space where the lines blur, where the answers aren’t clear, and the path you find yourself on feels impossibly difficult to navigate. But it’s in that in-between, in the murky middle, that having the right person beside you matters the most. Not to pull you into the light or demand you leave the shadows, but to sit with you in the dark, holding your hand, letting you know you’re not alone.

She swallows hard, her throat tight, but not from sadness this time. “I promise,” she finds the strength to whisper. Her breath catches, and she turns her head slightly to meet his gaze, tears still pooling in her eyes. “I know I don’t deserve you, but I—”

“You deserve everything, my love,” Lando assures her, his lips brushing her temple, before placing a tiny kiss there. “And I’ll make sure you get it.”

His definitive tone sends shivers down her spine.

She closes her eyes, feeling the water ripple softly around them, and holds on tighter, knowing that no matter what storms may come, the most important thing is that they won’t lose each other’s touch.

And that’s everything to her.

PREVIOUS LN⁴ ONE-SHOT

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© trashy track tales, 2025

[poorlittleyaoyao]

I am enjoying all of the thoughts. Here's a random scenario for you: Jin Guangyao and Nie Mingjue swap places. They have all of their original experiences up through the end of the Sunshot Campaign, but for whatever reason (mind-wiping? alternate-universe hopping? who knows) they don't waste any time trying to switch back. NMJ just has to Deal with being the newly-legitimized second son of the Jin, JGY just has to Deal with being a sect leader with the whole saber thing hanging over him. Who do you think would be most successful in their new role? Who would have the worst time?

Oooh, there was a poll awhile back posing this question (@qiu-yan was it one of yours?), and everyone responding had such solid reasoning for whatever choices they picked! Because neither of them is enjoying this.

For who is most successful, it's JGY, no contest. JGY doesn't have a background in saber cultivation, but he was born to manage and can handle logistics like a champ. In novel canon, he has field experience with the Nie that he can combine with day-to-day experience sect with the Jin; n CQL canon, he already has experience overseeing day-to-day sect business in the Unclean Realm itself. Easy! He'll just delegate all the saber stuff to someone more qualified! Meanwhile, NMJ does not have the skills set that JGY deploys in Jinlintai at allllllll. He doesn't have experience in negotiating with a superior (let alone a superior who doesn't respect him), he doesn't prioritize fine details, and he cannot (WILL not!) fawn. While JGY was learning customer service, NMJ studied the blade! He is AT BEST going to be too blunt and at worst going to throw hands.

For who is having the worst time, neither of them is doing great! From a physical standpoint, they'd both have a moment of "damn, you live like this?" as NMJ boggles at how long JGY's body takes to heal and JGY wonders how he hell NMJ built up so much resentment in his body. (A popular NMJ headcanon is that Baxia is a semi-sentient entity screaming at him 24/7 to fuel his bloodlust, and I do enjoy that, but it's also not actually in the text anywhere, so I am leaving that out. Ditto for JGY having lingering pain from injuries sustained in his fall.)

From a mental standpoint, if JGY is aware that NMJ is puttering around in his body, he is LOSING IT. It's his own personal "horse loose in a hospital" scenario. Not only might NMJ ruin all of JGY's standing within Jinlintai by being less-than-deferential, there are also THE SECRET CRIMES to consider. If this switch happens after JGY is entrenched as his father's fixer, NMJ could stumble upon the Jinlintai Murder Basement! He could reveal all of JGY's crimes! And even if he didn't, if JGS or whoever else deemed NMJ-in-JGY's body a nuisance, they might straight-up kill him rather than just dismissing him because JGY knows too much. After all, everyone saw what he did to his last two bosses! If QS and JRS exist, what about their safety? What about his legacy? What about his mother's wish? Any merit he achieves as NMJ will be credited to NMJ, not to him, and he would haaaaate thattttt.

Now, NMJ is also having a bad time, because not being accustomed to the kind of treatment JGY receives has made him ill-equipped to process it. Witnessing and being the recipient of so much injustice but not being able to do anything about it would be profoundly upsetting for him. He'd be even more upset if he found out about the crimes. His options for seeking justice are very limited! He could stab JGS and XY and then die himself, but even if he was successful, JGY's spirit would live on in NMJ's body to do who-knows-what. If QS and JRS exist, extended exposure to one or both of them could make him feel conflicted about all of the above, which would make him even MORE frustrated with the situation.

(Neither of them is bringing LXC into this.)

Bad times all around!

(Additional components of this scenario to consider: NMJ in JGY's body having to hang out with XY, and XY thinking his attempts to kill him are just fun enrichment. NHS figuring out something's up and (after assuring himself of NMJ's safety) using this as an opportunity to request soooo many budget items, pleeeeease san-ge? pleeease? SMS figuring out something's up because Lianfang-zun Would Not Fucking Say That and personally taking the initiative to get them to switch back. QS figuring out something's up because A-Yao Would Not Fucking Say That and also the specific way in which he is now refusing to sleep with her feels different.)

[genderqueerdykes]

i read your post about punkness and thought i'd ask you since i love this account. i saw a tiktok (i know not a great place already) that said that you can't call yourself punk/be punk if you don't go to shows. is that true...? im severely disabled and deaf so i can't really listen to music and leave my house, but i've always identified myself with the punk/goth scene. i know music is a huge part of subcultures so i've always felt very left out of (online mainly) punk/goth spaces even though i try and participate in other ways.

hello there!

not only is that not true, but it's ableist and lame as hell. that is so pretentious, i am so tired of online punks distilling punk to "listens to loud music". and further more, people trying to create a divide between "real and fake punks." this is just the "POSER!!!!!!" fake goth shit from the 2000s all over again. punk shows are genuinely dangerous for a lot of people for quite literally no reason whatsoever. like they're enjoyable for many, but they are NOT accessible to disabled people in general. some places im sure go above and beyond but most are organized by someone who's intoxicated, or thinking about the "wow" factor more than anyone's safety or well being.

i don't go to shows anymore. i did for the better part of a year and then stopped because i am also disabled. most of the venues are VERY small and crowded. there is no room for mobility aids. i've had to be out on the floor with other people dancing and moshing without even a cane. you can very easily get pushed or hit or knocked down and people may or may not help you get up. also the crowds get filmed without anyone being informed beforehand that there might be filming happening and that might not feel welcoming to paranoid people

there's almost always flashing lights at shows for some reason, which can be extremely dangerous for epileptic and photosensitive individuals. these sorts of spaces are hell on earth for anxious people, people with PTSD, autism, schizophrenia, ADHD and many other kinds of neurodivergence and mental illness. there's generally not really spaces where you can decompress or stop hearing loud noises for a while. i literally just hung out outside most of the venues because the music was so loud it was making my ears ring. people with tinnitus and misophonia are going to struggle greatly in these environments

alcohol and drugs are the norms at these shows. often times, minors are not carded, and are in fact given booze and alcohol anyways because the show organizers just don't see that as a bad thing. i witnessed show organizers in my own area giving drugs and alcohol to minors and not carding anyone. i was offered so many different types of drugs and offered alcohol so many times it made me dizzy. i had issues with alcohol in the past and have trauma surrounding it and being around drunk people. these environments are NOT friendly for addicts and substance users who are trying to maintain a healthy relationship with substances, or those who need to be away from them in order to heal

like you mentioned, a lot of d/Deaf and hard of hearing people may not feel included in these spaces. not only that but shows can CAUSE hearing damage and loss, due to the fact that no one is making sure that the music is being played at a safe volume. most of the time it's as loud as the speakers will go, or close to it. most of the instruments are either intentionally poorly tuned, or tuned in such a way where they sound harsh, aggressive, avant garde and unique. as a result, this can hurt a lot of people's ears, overstimulate them, or cause them to faint if it's certain tones or decibels. i know many punks who developed hearing loss due to this

i tried to point out that saying that punks HAVE to listen to punk music is ableist toward d/Deaf and hard of hearing people but for whatever reason that pissed people off. but i'd like to stress again: if you assert that punks HAVE to listen to punk music, you are leaving out people with hearing difficulties. not all d/Deaf and hard of hearing people can't hear anything at all, I understand this. but saying that punks HAVE to listen to music is leaving out so many people with hearing difficulties or those who are in danger of losing their hearing. please be compassionate. this is a serious issue.

it's not virtue signalling to say that this affects deaf and hoh punks in a very serious way. thank you for reaching out to talk about it. honestly, shame on everyone who said it's virtue signalling to point out that punks saying you have to listen to music is a slap in the face to a lot of deaf and hoh people. i hope this gives you something to think about. you really need to consider people on every side of a spectrum when it comes to a disability. you need to care about people with significant or total hearing loss, too.

anyone who tells you you HAVE to go to shows and listen to punk music is a cop without realizing it. they're policing who punks are and what they do. that's gatekeeping. that's policing others' identities. that's literally unpunk. as long as you resonate with punk ideals and aren't a cop or other kind of fascist, you're a punk. it really is that simple. it's an entire subculture outside of just the music. i get how important the music is. but it's literally so ableist to say that punks HAVE to listen to music and HAVE to go to shows.

also, not all punks have the time. some punks have a family to care for or careers they enjoy. not all punks have a local punk music scene at all. that's a very privileged approach if you ask me.

[virtuousweakling]

10 things about Hantengu that keep me up at night (I WISH THERE WAS MORE CANON INFO ABOUT HIM)

In the close up of Hantengu's jaw and hands (when the blind monk calls him out on stealing) his hands and jaw don't actually start trembling until he realizes he's in trouble. This means he was relatively still or calm before that point, thinking he wouldn't get fucking caught.

Hantengu reaches towards the blind monk while trying to convince him as if he's not only trying to show him the hands he's blaming to further prove his point, but completely forgetting the fact that the monk (whose eyes are also CLOSED) can't even see him. This means he is so self centered he doesn't even acknowledge it or have regard for the other man's disability. Really delusional, considering he was living there while feigning his own blindness.

Sekido's monk's staff, Karaku's pompom vest and Urogi's belt are not only derived from traditional Tengu lore (which involves monks) but Hantengu's human self was living on the premises OF monks, likely sitting in on their teachings, meditations and other practices. Did he follow with them? Likely not. He probably sat with his eyes open, carelessly. He clearly did not wear their traditional clothing then because he didn't succeed as a monk (raggedy ass purple kimono) which means he may have been taken in as an act of charity since he was 87, acted blind, and he probably thought affiliating with monks would push the innocent act further, since monks have high moral and spiritual values. He also knew their compassion would serve him. Yikes.

This also means he had knowledge of Hell and his life aligned perfectly with the requirements to enter the Buddhist hell. (Buddhist/Shinto hell is nearly identical to Abrahamic/Christian hell) And, the theory of reincarnation doesn't come so quickly and easily for criminals of Hantengu's degree. And because he knows he's a fucking criminal of wicked sorts, he is likely so scared of death both as a demon and as a human because he knows what awaits him in the afterlife.

The probability of him having leprosy is slim but I understand why the author modelled his protrusion after it. I say this because it's highly contagious and spreads throughout the body, which isn't seen. His thighs, calves, knees, forearms, throat and collarbone area become exposed during his running sequences as his kimono moves, proving the majority of his body to be clear of blemish. The pressure on his head however (mucus membranes) may have caused his mental health to worsen, and cry so easily.

Leprosy affects mucus membranes. The most notable mucus membrane? The foreskin. His penis would have spread disease to anyone he slept with. And, canonically and unfortunately, he slept around a lot.

Taking this into consideration, whether or not Hantengu was guilty, it may not have been entirely his own fault but rather the illness contributing to his lack of morality.

I get this odd, creeping feeling that he was incredibly good in bed and I don't think it's just me being lustful minded. The moment I first saw him and found out he had kids, I knew he was a fucking playboy and a beast in the sheets. Old or not. Also, he's fucking fast. And, really fast. *Blushing*

Did he actually stick around to administer at least SOME fatherly presence in his children's lives? Did he help feed them, bathe them and teach them or did he just sit around bitching. Because, I hear, he is also based on the sin of sloth. Has any baby daddy ever NOT represented sloth? Smfh.

His demon markings are not visible on his body. While some day it's the purple discoloration, I beg to differ. I believe the discoloration on his forehead is from the horns breaking through adding pressure to his bumpy, bruising him. The markings might be the tongue kanji.

[swordduels]

“What do you think?” She whispered gently while caressing Regalia’s hand. There was a warmth between them that felt far more intimate than anything they had experienced before this. It felt so genuine to see the growing wonder in Regalia’s eyes when being told about Luna’s condition. A sense of vulnerability followed with curiosity layered her wish to connect with another being. This was a very rare moment for Circe to witness and it felt like a great sign of progress. Regalia showed genuine interest in another being and didn’t force her will with violence, only a careful offering of small treats. It reminded her of a wide eyed child who experienced something beautiful for the first time. A child free of ill cynicism about the world and its toxicity. Perhaps she would grow to care for the protection of these beings and if that was the case there was hope for something beautiful to evolve. A need to change the world into something better. Circe wanted to believe it but she also knew it lay within Regalia’s nature to take things for herself. Someone who represented the ugliest aspect of humanity might not be able to fully change into something else. Circe tried not to pry but feelings and thoughts seemed to seep through, perhaps unknowingly. Though she could also feel their hearts slowly connecting minute by minute even though they didn’t make love. This connection was different. As if they started to understand each other better. Circe could sense Luna’s mind searching for answers regarding this sanctuary and she answered with full honesty. The life that once was had been harmful and didn’t prepare for a being like Luna to live where she ought to be. In here there was no need to do tricks or perform for an audience. There would be no more cages unless they had to temporarily move Luna for medical reasons. No one would take away her children for good. Circe would make sure they would be treated properly. It seemed to calm Luna as she sat down and even cleaned herself in front of them. 

“It’s a cooperation with larger organisations for the protection of wild life. I’ve been placing my own money into building these places…I get government support and donations from various sources to keep them alive. It’s harder to earn money in something that is supposed to keep animals safe without being treated like attractions.” Circe admitted while sighing deeply. This was not just a scam to get rid of filthy men or something to earn money. It was a passion project.

“You figured it out on your own.” She turned to Regalia who spoke about Luna and her kittens. There was a sense of pride in her as she answered. “They are very healthy with a strong mother and my personal will make sure it stays that way.” Circe leaned in and stole a kiss, this time on the mouth. A patient smile appeared as the small hint of jealousy peaked through. Instead of mocking it or openly speaking about it she stole another kiss. “I can sense the tiny little hearts, can you feel how many?” She gently had her goodie bag shift to rest around the wrist as she touched Regalia’s cheek. “You can borrow some energy from me.” While saying it she opened up her mental doors. If Regalia wished to use it she would sense emotions, thoughts and memories from Luna as long as it was done carefully. 

They were about to move on when the thief appeared out of the shadows. He seemed to disregard anything Circe or Regalia told him when approaching them with his gleaming knife. Circe thought he would be brought out of balance with her picking his mind apart but that was sadly not the case. Her eyes began to storm with turquoise waves as the thief took Regalia hostage. What an absolute asshole. Scum of the earth to threaten two women like this. Regalia’s fear was living inside Circe as if it was her own. There was genuine fear of them both being harmed. In the past Regalia would have been unstoppable but right now she was still not strong enough to hold it on her own in a fight. She had to protect her from this worthless flea bag. The black locks began to move about as if Circe was standing in streaming water. “Don’t you dare lay a hand on my wife…” She spoke with a stern voice while focusing on his wrists. Your hands works no moreThe bones are brittleNot as strong as beforeBreak into pieces 

Bones of fickle wristsFilthy is the human species

The poetry wasn’t as solid as she wished it to be but there was no time to polish it into perfection with deadly threats like this.  @fallesto

Regalia’s eyes grew wide with wonder. “How can you tell?” She whispered, not daring to disturb the peaceful scene. As she leaned forward and would look, focus and hold her hand out and concentrate even more than before.

As she would judge it herself and show that her power of greed and sins was not always meant to be used for evil. “It’s the way she’s carrying herself. The gentle curve of her belly, the way she moves slightly more cautiously. Plus, I can sense it a little now, a faint echo of new life within her.” She offered a knowing smile. She can sense the flow of time.

Her gaze fixed on the lynx, who had finished the chicken and was now grooming herself with meticulous care. The animal’s movements were indeed graceful, almost hypnotic in the moonlit night. “How do you earn money from here?” She asked, was this a charity or was this something else an operation to earn wealth from she was not sure.

Her head turned and she studied the lynx thoughtfully, her eyes tracing the outline of her belly. “ I’d guess she’s in her second trimester. The kittens should be born in the spring, if all goes well.” Which would be a good thing then, as she looked at the witch.

Regalia watched Circe’s interaction with the lynx, feeling a strange mix of awe and jealousy. The creature seemed to trust her implicitly, allowing her to come so close without a hint of fear. She wondered if she would ever be able to experience that level of connection with such a wild creature. Such as the witch, without being rejected and stabbed in the back as she sighed out for the moment.

As they stepped away from the fence, the lynx’s eyes followed them, and for a moment, Regalia thought she saw a spark of understanding in those piercing orbs. It was as if the animal knew that Circe was more than what she seems, in a way they both were.

Then it was ruined. The thief's voice was gruff, his eyes cold and piercing through the slits in the ski mask. Regalia's hand tightened around the bag that held their precious treats for the animals, her heart hammering in her chest as the knife was held up, reflecting the soft lantern light. Then she felt a sudden jolt of fear and anger, her instincts screaming to protect herself and her companion from this unexpected threat. The man took a step closer, the knife now just a foot away from Regalia's face. As he would shake his head at her words.

"Look, I don't know what you think you're doing," Regalia began, her voice steady despite the tremble in her hand, "but we don't have anything of value to give you. Just let us go and we won't call the authorities."

The thief sneered, grabbing Regalia by the arm and pulling her in front of him. She winced but remained silent, her eyes wide with fear. He pressed the knife against her throat, a clear warning to Circe. "I've been watching you two, whispering sweet nothings and feeding animals like you own the place. You're either rich or you're hiding something. Either way, I'm not leaving until I get what I want." As he pressed the knife into Regalia throat and held her there, as she remained still, how amusing! Being robbed already, what a world this is, humans are truly scum,

[violentviolette]

"telling someone incorrect information about a media franchise will never have the same potential for harm the way telling someone incorrect information about their mental health or illness or their loved ones murder will and i think its important to keep that perspective in these discussions. especially because i think the blurred line between media and real world topics, and people consuming real world topics the same way they do media, and treating them like they're essentially the same and approach researching them in the same way is a big part of this problem." I've been saying this for ages you are so real for this. It's genuinely a big issue that people have grown the tendency to compare every form of media that they consume to real life issues, which then desensitizes them to said real life issues. It's a big issue that people compare content relating to fictional characters who do not exist and are not sentient as on the same level as real, living and breathing people. Is it annoying when people mix fanon with canon to the point that the entire message behind a media has lost itself ? Yes, it very much is. But does that loss harm anyone on a physical, mental, emotional or psychological level ? Nowhere close. This technological age makes me so uneasy because of the ever increasing comparison of media to real life events, and the continuous belief that "fiction affects reality" + "fiction = reality." If fiction *does* genuinely affect reality, then that would mean violent video games inherently make someone violent and horror movies inherently make someone a murderer. I say that: if you already struggle with anger issues, exposing yourself to more violent forms of media without critical consumption will obviously worsen the symptoms, along with horror movies giving you ideas on how to kill that one relative you've fantasized killing for the past half decade—the only thing that affects reality are idiots who lack critical thinking. A comparison I can think of that people bring up to debate that "fiction affects reality" are the trends of fictional cats and rabbits consuming milk and carrots respectively. It's so silly because if you're planning to become a parent to an animal, it is your JOB to do research into that animal's diet, livelihood, habitat, body language etcetera. Why are you trusting the livelihood of a talking cartoon character ? Sorry for the long ask, but what you said is so important and I hope people adopt that mindset more, especially with this growing technological social media age.

no apologies neccessary anon u are absolutely correct and u should say it

media should not be where people are getting actual real life applicaple information. *no one* should look at a work of fiction in any form and just assume that whats being said or done is accurate information that they can just apply to their real life. and the same goes the other way around. when u want to research mental health topics or world history or a science, no one should be approaching it the same way as digging through their favorite shows wiki.

but there's been this huge kind of like. fandomification of social justice and social science and other topics like this where instead of understanding the critical nuance of these things and approaching them with a research minded perspective and an understanding of the nuance needed because so many things in real life are contradictory and complex and have eons of context, people approach them like tv shows. they think if they just read enough information and consume enough of the "content" surrounding it then they'll be able to fully understand and grasp them and then be able to educate others about them as some kind of authority and it just makes me want to scream from the rooftops that *thats not how any of this works*

the desensitization thing is also so real. u genuinely cannot have a single conversation about a real world topic without someone bringing up media and i dont know how else to nicely tell people that that is in no way relevent and actually actively harmful. trying to relate everything in life back to media and not being able to talk about a topic without including media will genuinely rot ur brain because it completely desensitizes u to the issue of harm. being wrong about media will never ever have the same impact that being wrong about mental health or physical health or animal welfare or public wellbeing will

[inkskinned]

they want to talk about mental illness and acceptance and how everyone is a little ocd it's cute and quirky and their "intrusive thoughts" are about cutting their hair off and you say yours are about taking a razorblade to your eye and they say ew can you not and everyone is a little adhd sometimes! except if you're late it's a personality flaw and it's because you are careless and cruel (and someone else with adhd mentions they can be on time, so why can't you?) and it's not an eating disorder if it's girl dinner! it's not mania if it's girl math! what do you mean you blew all of your savings on nonrefundable plane tickets for a plane you didn't even end up taking. what do you mean that you are afraid of eating. get over it. they roll their little lips up into a sneer. can you not, like, trauma dump?

they love it on them they like to wear pieces of your suffering like jewels so that it hangs off their tongue in rapiers. they are allowed to arm-chair diagnose and cherrypick their poisons but you can't ever miss too many showers because that's, like, "fuckken gross?" so anyone mean is a narcissist. so anyone with visual tics is clearly faking it and is so cringe. but they get to scream and hit customer service employees because well, i got overwhelmed.

you keep seeing these posts about how people pleasers are "inherently manipulative" and how it's totally unfair behavior. but you are a people pleaser, you have an ingrained fawn response. in the comments, you have typed and deleted the words just because it is technically true does not make it an empathetic or kind reading of the reaction about one million times. it is technically accurate, after all. you think of catholic guilt, how sometimes you feel bad when doing a good deed because the sense of pride you get from acting kind - that pride is a sin. the word "manipulation" is not without bias or stigma attached to it. many people with the fawn response are direct victims of someone who was malignantly manipulative. calling the victims manipulative too is an unfair and unkind reading of the situation. it would be better and more empathetic to say it is safety-seeking or connection-seeking behavior. yes, it can be toxic. no, in general it is not intended to be toxic. there is no reason to make mentally ill people feel worse for what we undergo.

you type why is everyone so quick to turn on someone showing clear signs of trauma but you already know the fucking answer, so what's the point of bothering. you kind of hate those this is what anxiety looks like! infographics because at this point you're so good at white-knuckling through a severe panic attack that people just think you're stoic. even people who know the situation sometimes comment you just don't seem depressed. and you're not a 9 year old white kid so there's no way you're on the spectrum, you're not obsessed with trains and you were never a good mathematician. okay then.

mental illness is trending. in 2012 tumblr said don't romanticize our symptoms but to be fair tiktok didn't exist yet. there's these series of videos where someone pretends to be "the most boring person on earth" and is just being a normal fucking person, which makes your skin crawl, because that probably means you are boring. your friend reads aloud a profile from tinder - no depressed bitches i fucking hate that mental illness crap. your father says that medication never actually works.

you still haven't told your grandmother that you're in therapy. despite everything (and the fact it's helping): you just don't want her to see you differently.

[jeiyuuen]

Honestly, how am I supposed to live normally with the knowledge that Luffy's flower is sunflower while Law's is Queen of the Night?

[rosesvineyard]

@mentally-ill-vaquero OHHH IM SO HAPPYY U LIKE MY IDEAS!! RAHH THANK YOU, YOURE THE SWEETEST!! i was so excited to receive this omgomg!!

there's so much lore i've made for these two and Javier and Giulia, i'll have to make a big post one of these days <3

Jane and Bill are very close in age!! around 9 or 10 months apart-- since i headcanoned that Bill's mother unfortunately passed in childbirth when she had him. the unsanitary conditions of the wild west during that time for lower class women was the icebreaker, and her death eventually drove Bill and Jane's father down alcoholism.

Him and Jane were extremely close growing up, and I like to think that she was the first one to genuinely.. accept him no matter what. she really meant a lot to Bill, sadly.

they bitterly parted ways when Bill signed up for the army and their father died-- Jane was mad. she was mad that he was gonna leave her all alone without anyone or anything, all for a stupid war her brother might die in. Bill didn't really understand at the time, for he was young and he wanted more than the life that they both had been dealt with.

Jane moved to Nevada after that, far from the place they grew up.

i think while in the army, all he thought about was his sister and the way she had looked at him with disdain, as tears ran down her face saying nothing but pure sorrow. all because she thought they'd stay together as long as the sun sets. he missed her genuine acceptance, because that was the most love he had ever been given.

and it wasn't like he could just go back to Jane after he got discharged- then he would have to explain to her his homosexuality, what would his big sister think of him after that? the shame and guilt was just too much to bear.

(the truth is, Jane wouldn't have thought of him any differently. she could never. she'd accept him either way. in fact, if he ever chose to come back, she'd just run into his arms again and try and knock some sense into that dense head of his.)

and AHHH I love these questions about Javier too!! I'll post their kids soon aswell!!

yeah.. they shared one big sad talk over their sisters. there was kind of a mutual understanding over each-other's pain. Bill and Javier will bring up random memories about Jane and Giulia from time to time, but not very often. it's a tough subject to talk about, let alone mention.

Bill had the idea to name their daughter after their siblings, it took some explanation to convince Javier, but it worked out in the end.

He is sort of jealous that Javier and Giulia didn't end on bitter terms, unlike him and Jane..

but i genuinely don't think that resentment would continue if they ever met again, they'd just go back to the way they were as if Bill never left <3

Bill and Javier's daughter is called Giulia-Jane, a little on the nose, but still perfect.

Jane used to call Marion 'Ronnie' and he used to call her 'Annie'

sorry if I ripped your heart out.. here's a doodle of Marion and Jane!! thank you so so so much for this reply, I've never been happier on this site so thank you!! much love <3

before Bill Williamson, there was Jane and Marion.

[simcardiac-arrested]

IM SURE YOUVE ALREADY EXPLAINED IT SOMEWHERE but.. may i ask about the story in bitter choco decoration. I like those guys :)

you’d be surprised but i apparently have never talked about these particular ocs’ story in detail on this particular tumblr blog. so i shall do just that…. i tried to summarize but it got kind of long oops, as it always does when i talk about my mentally ill ass ocs

so! as u might already know the guys in the video are rikki and william, and the animatic happens from rikki’s pov. rikki is basically the golden child of the family—smart, well-behaved, always keeping her parents satisfied, etc etc. generally she is put under a lot of pressure a lot of the time. and then her family decides to get an insurance child so to speak—just in case rikki fails in life—but they don’t want to go through the trouble of raising another one, so they decide to adopt.

that’s where william comes in, baby! now he is decidedly Not the golden child. he is the problem child. parents thought they could reform him—well, not much to show for that. but him and rikki surprisingly get along, even though they’re opposites. william actually gets someone who cares about him for once and wants him to be okay, and rikki gets someone who wants her to be more bold, stand up to others and consider what she herself wants instead of people-pleasing. he even gets her to make snide jokes and cut her hair. they’re best friends, it’s nice. for a while.

but, none of it is perfect. you know how rikki always seems to be smiling even though she’s clearly not having a good time? and you know all those red eyes that appear pretty much everytime william’s on screen? rikki has so many layers of masks that william never really feels like he actually knows her. and william, even though he mostly wants rikki to do her own thing, can still kind of be selfish and controlling (because he’s a teenager, and traumatized, and scared of losing his best friend, but it doesn’t change the fact that rikki feels the same pressure from him as she feels from their parents).

so this all culminates when they’re in high school and rikki buries herself in work—she wants to secure a good education and a good job so that she can actually get them both out of this shitty abusive household. for the first time in her whole life, she has a Goal that she personally has chosen. she now has someone to work hard for. but she also ends up spending a lot less time with that someone because of her studying, and it eats at william and eats and eats until—it turns out rikki’s hard work has actually paid off. she’s gotten a scholarship, and she can leave for a good university and she’s finally achieved something that she herself has wanted to do and not anyone else. for both of them. for her brother.

except her brother doesn’t react with support, like usual. he’s not cheering her on now that she’s fulfilled her dream and beyond. he just looks betrayed. because they’re best friends. they promised to be there for each other, to get out of this hellhole house together. how could she leave him behind? how is he supposed to make it without her, who is he going to have on his side? william loves her and wants her to be happy but he doesn’t want her to leave.

so in turn—because rikki is a) an avoidant little bitch who would rather masterfully evade conflict than try to have an opinion and b) doesn’t want her brother to hate her forever and not speak to her ever again—in turn, rikki, as always, as second nature, lies. i mean, it’s her dream, it’s something she’s been working towards for years, but she’ll stay. she’ll leave it behind. it makes perfect logical sense to her—best of both worlds: she doesn’t spend the last summer at home with her brother resenting her, and she still gets to actually go to university. it is basically flawless.

all up until, you know, the day comes where she actually has to move out and go to university. and william inevitably finds out that she lied to him. and they fight. it’s not good. it’s not happy. they end up separating on really bad terms, and not talking for the next 7 years because william runs away from home pretty much soon after rikki leaves (it’s not shown in the animatic but he does go MIA, rikki visits home once on holiday to find that her brother is just Gone, no one knows where he is, her parents couldnt give less of a shit, not great all around!!!) then rikki ends up graduating and looking for an easy first job, just to kind of set her foot in Job World.

unfortunately, it is also the exact same easy, convenient job that her brother ends up picking. hoo, boy. long time no see.

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

wanna ask how you feel about the eridan bpd headcanon/theory(?? not sure what to call it!) you're so good at your character analysis and i'd love to see your outlook on it

Since I don't have a degree or any formal training in psychology, I feel deeply uncomfortable diagnosing characters. I've made an autism joke before but only because I'm on the spectrum. He's definitely traumatized and anxious, but I mean those as descriptors of his behavior rather than capital-D Diagnoses. I try to focus on those when I can - the cause and effect of cognition, self-image, and behavior - and those factors may very well match up with DSM criteria, but I try not to touch an actual diagnosis with a ten foot pole unless the author has explicitly stated that X character has Y condition.

[kreachvera]

my son he has 73 diseases and turned evil .

pwab au zappa. pwabba if you will

[theokusgallery]

I hate that I have reoccurring themes in everything I make. YES this guy has a complex over the fact that everyone prefers his sibling AGAIN. YES he was ostracized by his peers since he was in primary school and never knew why until years later. URGH

[edge-oftheworld]

I don’t really talk about it much on here because I’m extremely lucky to be able to understand exactly what’s going on in my body, but it’s scary to live for years as someone who Gets Things Done in a way your peers don’t really understand, be putting effort into so many things you care about, and then suddenly lose the ability to do not only that but also basic tasks overnight after a deadline, and bit by bit after many. it’s scary getting really irritable sometimes to the point of violence, just when you were meant to be celebrating the rewards from your hard work, the only impact of the work you did that you can see is that you overdrafted your ability to do anything. including have a basic conversation without getting grumpy or crying. and your body is going to make you pay it back with interest, you already know that, but you don’t know how to start filling yourself back up. you’ve only ever enjoyed being on the grind, hard at work on exciting things.

I don’t know how many of you have been through the kind of burnout that’s years of needing 12hrs of sleep a night but with terrible insomnia, waking up to what feels like a hangover for weeks on end with little relief then rinse and repeat without having a single drink, feeling too sick to eat and needing to exercise to emotionally regulate but being unable to, anxiety that doesn’t come from worry but you’ll pick that up too at some point, dissociating every time you try to do mentally taxing tasks that you’re PAID for so it takes an hour of grounding yourself just to get five minutes worth of productive concentration, falling asleep the minute you feel a little safe by being in the presence of loved ones. but I suspect I’m not the only one.

I’ve had songs for the energetic and angsty times leading up to this. for the exasperated times and the brain fog and the times where all my limited energy is tied up in feeling things. that I need to, need to acknowledge, but it’s overwhelming and I live in a haze for weeks as a result of. songs telling of the kind of youth I wish I had, even when I was sold something else. songs for the months spent as a teenager trying to be there for my friends, worrying for them, distracting me from worrying for myself, trying to cling on to positivity and hope amongst it when I had to choose to make a discipline of always seeing that. I’ve had songs for healing and when healing is harder than expected and songs that have the right level of musical complexity to capture the layers of everything that’s happening in my head, making it sound good, telling me it’s gonna be okay.

I don’t know how I could ever say thank you for this. but I do know that I see parts of myself in the people behind these songs, of course I do, and I worry for them as a result and ache for them because it’s hard enough to feel this way when no one knows me or feels the need to control me or mould me into what they think I should be. I’d do anything to keep them all healthy and happy and all of their loved ones too and I don’t think it’s strange as a fan to take that seriously. I hope we can understand the need to treat them gently, and to while not questioning their privacy and the fact that they’re never going to tell us everything they go through, listen to our intuition when we catch something we relate to and treat what they’ve shared with us or hinted at with the dignity we would if someone we love told us something vulnerable. be kind in our expectations and be intentional in the fan culture we create because it does make its way back to them.

and the same goes with all of you. we’re bonding over the same things. I know a lot of this fandom is in the stage where interpersonal relationships are hard. we don’t mean to be grumpy of frustrated but we are. and I’m sending love to all of you. we can get through this together. it’s what they’ve always longed for isn’t it?

[shalom-iamcominghome]

So, I've been a bit open about my mental health on here since it affects how I experience and interact with judaism, but I'm wondering how you all balance it? I've found that antisemitism does not specifically cause the recent episode/s I have been having, but it makes them worse, and I find that it makes it even harder to engage with judaism, so I'm currently in a Sisyphean spiral. I guess for me, my brain has been so high-alert about this stuff that it completely shuts down, but not engaging with my jewish community is just as detrimental to my health as antisemitism is. Plus, I'm just angry at the thought that something like antisemitism would prevent me from being with my community.

[hikarry]

Okay children, gather around. It's "Spencer Complains and Acts a Little Mad" Time:

I have been raw dogging life for 1 month without my adhd/depression/anxiety/mood stabilizers medication and without a single Therapy appointment

I haven't left my house in 1 month, I haven't spoken to any of my (in person) friends in over 1 month, I haven't seen my family in 1 month, I haven't seen my bloody cat in over 1 month, I've barely left my bloody room in over 1 month, and I've been listening to my bloody voice almost every day for 1 hour so I can finish editing the bloody podcast for over a month

To top it all of: I haven't had a decent night's sleep in about 4 days now (in which I just don't sleep or I have extremely vivid nightmares with my departed mother and/or scenarios where I die over and over and over again but can't speak to ask for help before it happens - fun for all the family, if you ask me) and I might or might not be completely and absolutely going insane, with only Good Omens season 1 (6/6) and season 2 (5/6) and the existence of Crowley/red haired Fire Pokemon David Tennant Edition being my sole producer of any amount of serotonin

How am I alive? Good question. Beautiful genderfluid demonic content can be some very nice very distracting content for individuals that simp for Fire Type David Tennant Pokemon like myself

I am quite sure my only contact with anything mental health related in the past weeks has been my best friend whom is very very annoying and refuses to leave me the heck alone and whom is a nurse and is working extra time to advice my stupid ass the best she can, bless her heart

So, with my personal nurse's permission, I have doubled my sleeping medication for the night and, as Fall Out Boy once wrote for the song "Alone Together" in one of my favorite albums to have ever been created "Save Rock and Roll": I'll check in tomorrow if I don't wake up dead