#about her being ‘fat’ now
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grocery lists you get from your mom: sour cream NO SUGAR NO DAIRY NO ARTIFICIAL FLAVOURS NO GLUTEN NO GMO LOW CALORIE ORGANIC
grocery lists you get from your dad: party size doritos (PUT DOWNSTAIRS IN DESK CABINET SO MOM DOESNT SEE)
#my dad told me once that i’m one of the few people he trusts to pick out treats at a treat store#bc ill pick stuff that tastes good and not stuff labelled gluten free no calorie 😭#the other day i cracked open my moms cooking books to make myself dinner#and i couldn’t do it it was all shit like Three Chia Seeds and 3 Cups Water#also remember when my step mom cried for like three weeks straight bc at fifty four she’d moved from an XS to an S#about her being ‘fat’ now#and i just stood there like. I’m A Medium#anyways i love getting food with my dad bc he’s the only one that goes Ooo that looks good and not Ooo that looks healthy#don’t get me wrong i understand being healthy is important#but i would like to fucking eat once in a while#the amount of times i have wandered in circles around my step moms kitchen looking for food#and it’s just all ingredients for healthy dinners#so i’ve gone to bed so hungry my stomach hurts#is kinda wild#luckily my mom lets me have snacks in the house#and she just buys in bulk any healthy food i like#and rambles on and on about healthy this unhealthy that#mushie thinking thoughts
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We don't talk about these panels enough this is the first time the words: "The loneliness that comes with peerless strength!! I will be the one who will teach you about love!!" Were uttered.
And THIS. WAS. SUKUNA'S. REACTION.
Yorozu seemed to have expressed to him exactly how he felt about someone else. It seems like an "Ironic, I was just thinking that" kind of laugh.
He pulled a weird face and legit started giggling; even Yorozu was like, "Huh?"
She perceived it as Sukuna already knowing about love, but if it were anyone else, they would’ve assumed Sukuna was just mocking them (she's not crazy; Gege is simply expressing to us what Sukuna is thinking through her so it becomes clear and not up for interpretation).
It becomes even more clear during his fight with gojo, it's so painfully obvious it's basically canon that Sukuna loved gojo (or at the very least wanted to).
It's so damn obvious that a dudebro created a theory video titled "Sukuna loves Gojo" that is based on this exchange between Yorozu and Sukuna before the fight with Gojo even happened.
Like... in what world does that happen??😭😭 a dudebro making a theory like that? And the comments are something else man... (I advice everyone to watch it it's really good).
Yorozu felt threatened, she became jealous, and literally started sweating😭😭 and declared "That's not love!! I'll show you what real love looks like!!" Which she obviously failed to accomplish lol
I wish we could have had an interaction between Yorozu and Gojo. we were robbed..
I know she would have hated gojo and tried to kill him in an attempt to prove she is stronger than him and therefore more worthy of Sukuna's love lmao
Orrrrrr.... maybe... she would support them and start fujoshing out 👀
#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#ryomen sukuna#gojo satoru#yorozu#sukugo#gosuku#sukugo's date night#my post#I confess that I didn't like Yorozu at first cuz she was getting too comfortable with my man😭😭#but she's soo ridiculous and unhinged that she won me over she's now my fav female character in jjk She's just too relatable#Sukuna giggling over being in love though....#grrrrr bark bark#Her words really struck him that mf lowered his gaze melancholically looking all shy and shit#he got it badddd you can tell he started fantasizing about his fight with gojo#You can say wtv about gojo and st.sg but Sukuna got a big fat undeniable crush on gojo and it's canon gege I love you sm#people were saying Sukuna doesn't care about love because of his conversation with Kashimo he was obviously lying it was very obvious
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about to become #normalcore now that i'm gonna be on anxiety meds so sayonara you weeaboo shits
#kidding i still have plenty of other issues so i'm here to say#lol fr tho went to the doc today for the first time in foreverrr now that i have insurance#and when i brought up the anxiety to her i was like i know i prob need to see a psychiatrist or someone separate#but she was like nah. lexapro. boom. like okay miss ma'am!!#also the fact that she didn't try blame all my other health issues i told her about on me being fat??? did i hit the doctor jackpot or what#a.txt
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I did the Well of Sorrows and then went to bed, but I am Still thinking about it and getting mad lmao
why the Fuck does Solas disapprove of a Dalish Inquisitor telling Morrigan no, that it's their heritage and history and if anyone is going to drink from it then it should be an elf
why did I only get one option that pointed that out and why did I pick it on accident (thank god I picked it at all) instead of it being a very clear and consistent shut down
why couldn't I properly discuss sending the Ancient elves out to the many Dalish clans desperately clinging to Elvehn history who would benefit so much from what they could share instead of stripping them of their only purpose to either enter the forever sleep or wander purposeless? if I hadn't taken Solas with me, would there have even been a chance to encourage them that there was still a place for them in the world?
why did I have to spend that entire section having Morrigan explain and translate every piece of Elvehn history and myth to me before going "not my clan tho!" like the one time my Inquisitor could have her properly defend and use her origin and I still had to have everything explained to me like a child lmao
Morrigan very justified for being annoyed at me for taking the magic I had no way to understand tho, she did have a valid point there, However
I am elf, elf magic is mine
#yes Solas recants somewhat back at Skyhold afterwards but the fucking whiplash#of him saying “don't let her take it” and then getting mad when my drinks instead#why was he so mad at the knowledge being preserved??#I get him being mad about tying yourself to an Old God like that (I am so warlock coded dude I'm sorry)#but he doesn’t? really fight that?? until after the whome affair???#but that fat Solas Disapproves popping up there was so Annoying#anyways if I wasn't playing an elf I would have 100% let Morrigan have that#she's my disaster wife and if she wants to courts so many dead gods just to know more who am I to stop her#I love the drama she brings#anyways sorry I was stuck on that like I do kind of get where he's coming from#but I also should have shut down that discussion instantly with “my heritage my burden” y'know#the game keeps ignoring that I'm Dalish and it's really getting to me lol#I do love the Dalish elves and Andrastian elves arguing about the temple back at base tho nice touch there#DAI posting#I'm almost done with the game wowie i just havw the Trespasser dlc after the main story now
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#my psych who prescribes my psych meds is a resident and is moving on in a couple of months#i don't even remember the names of them all at this point#this happens over and over and I cannot find a clinic that will put me with someone who intends to stay#thst will also prescribe my adhd meds#and my anxiety meds#and the real kicker is that twice now they have LIED about it and said they would#only to reveal after all the hoop-jumping that oops sorry they didn't really mean it#so it's a risk i have to take any time i leave#and rhen there's the issue of new people almost always wanting to DO something#but instead of talking to me about it they just decide that my meds need overhauling and pressure me to go off shit that works#but that they morally object to i guess#and my psych for some stupid reason has decided she wants bloodwork for my cholesterol and blood sugar stuff and im just like#what hell does THIS presage because if she harasses me about the results or tries to put me on drugs for that#I'll give her a nasty scrap about it#im not interested in those meds at all#and im certainly not messing with my diet since food is the only pleasure i get most days and even that is marginal at best#and removing that would just make me worse#but medpros for the most part really don't give a fuck about that#and so now im afraid - because i do not and cannot trust them - that if i disapprove of the meds they will retaliate somehow#which good luck proving that when management and oversight often don't even care if they course of treatment will HARM you#if it relates to being fat or having bad numbers#they just gotta pathologize!#so yeah im sick of everything and just kind of want to bury myself in a bog forever#i shouldn't have to deal with this
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"guilt free food" shut the fuck up and let me enjoy my food in peace. I hate diet culture I hate diet culture I hate
#last week I made filled zucchini with a friend and when I asked about rice she was like ''it's fine we don't need the carbs right now''#no I want the rice. I don't care#that same friend also went to instagram and looked through her saved reels of diet and ''guilt free'' recipes to find food to make#like are you being fr rn#at this point if something advertises itself by how it has many proteins and less fat I will proceed with caution#and if it says guilt free or something it's an instant nope. go away with that shit#op keineahnung-ichhalt#randomly rambling
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I mean, I don't think they shied away from portraying Rhaenyra in a bad light, they're just doing it slowly, she literally put a bunch of blood relatives from the smallfolk to be burned to death and is coming to see herself as tptwp, they'll certainly go deeper after Jace dies and Aegon disappears. As for Alicent, it was pretty obvious she was gonna betray team green and choose Rhaenyra/Helaena. She never wanted to forsake Rhaenyra and we see in the season is her being over her head in the war—she tries to turn back time, she sleeps with her teenage crush, she seeks absolution from her father (that's why I disagree with you she sees Otto as someone who pimped her out, she merely points out she followed him blindly, not that he abused her, he's still someone she loves and respects), she feels bitter towards her children and prays for Lucerys (not to make Rhaenyra look good, if that's the ga interpretation whatever, it's to show she's a kind person who despises violence) and, by the end, after seeing her daughter physically attacked by Aemond, the person who cut her power, she turns for Rhaenyra in an effort, perhaps naïve, to turn back time, "speaking from a distant dream", wanting to run away, and trusting Rhae because she risked her life going to the Sept and because she feels punished by the gods. It's fine if you didn't want it but it is good writing and people were already clocking this since she chose to put her kids at risk rather than kill Rhaenyra. As for being under subjugation, she was under Targ subjugation in KL under her misogynistics sons... Rhaenyra came before, was the first choice, first friend, first love. There's never complete freedom for any woman in Westeros, but she chose Rhaenyra out of her own desire and volition. I think some people just wanted to keep her life meaning and actions tied to her children and...
I did say that my problem with it wasn’t the choices made but how we got there… and I still believe that. It’s lazy writing at best, poor at worst imo
“I’m sorry but even as someone who has gone on record to say that I think the change they made to Rhaenicent was the best, I can’t just let poor execution slide. I don’t even think Alicent having little legion to Aemond or Aegon comes out of nowhere. She has constantly, to a fault, reaffirmed her trust in Rhaenyra.” - directly from my previous anon about how felt about s2
I’ve noticed this since the final ep was released, I hope this doesn’t come off mean bc I appreciate your opinion, but when people push back on the writing. You have a faction of being like “oh, you just don’t understand Alicent.” Nope, I get what they are going for. I just think it’s incorherent writing, and the quotes given by the writers themselves sort of only further prove that to me. People seem to act as if this plot is some sort of revelation or favor to Alicent as a character… when it is not. Not a fan of her arc, or lack thereof in s2 🤷🏽♀️.
#people kill me with the ‘you guys want her to be beholden to her children’#like yes sorry I’m curious about the queen’s - the mother to the king - relationship with her children#my bad yall#her actions directly affect them… so yes… they will be tied to them like huh???#on one hand you have so called alicels that defended Alicent’s actions when it came to her children now saying that wasn’t the real her#*regina voice* oh so you admit her arc took a turn when it comes to them?#we are just gonna have to disagree on the Rhaenyra thing#it’s pretty clear they set up every action she does as for some sort of greater good#why would I trust the ‘Rhaenyra is punk while Alicent is a woman for trump’ writers#and they (writers) barely like Rhaenyra - they just know they have a vehicle to use#Rhaenyra (and Helaena) being fat in the books is not a moral failing#for Rhaenyra - it’s not some lie or rumor (bc god forbid isn’t thin)#it’s to show that once she was seen as a desirable object to be won… her worth was diminished#wasn’t seen as*#hotd talk
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things i'd like from bg4 or any similar future games
I think BG3 is very detailed; but I would really like it if the backgrounds had mattered more. Or at least for every one. I heard if you're a drow/half-drow noble you get special dialogue with Minthara. But why didn't my Folk Hero!Tav with Wyll [or just in general?] Or my Outlander!Tav with Karlach? I love that your character gets special interaction with all and sundry, at times, re: class and race. But backgrounds make a charcacter. I don't need details. Just a bit of a nod. At least within the camp.
This brings me to point two. I wish there was a way to get friendship points. It is so strange the characters can be 'meh' about you, dislike you [and strongly], but high to exceptional bonds trigger romance. What about close friendships or growing into a family?
Speaking of, I definitely would have love some down time chatter. It is so strange to me that you get a 'this could be our last time in camp' but don't do anything with it. I appreciate the tiefling [or goblin] party. I love the idle banter on the road. But why not a couple of casual fireside chats. As a group?
I love Halsin but the fact that he is the only one we can have a polyamorous dynamic with, is bull. I'm fine with not every character being into polyam -- but maybe research more before diving into it. I am 90% sure Wyll would've been okay with Polyam - a triad too! - if it was Halsin or Astarion [maybe with Lae'zel but I have to play further to be sure]. I could see Astarion and Shadowheart swinging a 'v' dynamic, and being the best [or worst for Tav's sanity] of metamours! Maybe it would have been a hassle for coding to fit every configuration, but we deserved at least a COUPLE of Tav x Origin x Origin loving.
Also, I think we should have been able to encourage - or maybe it could have happened sans MC involvement - the npcs getting together.
#bg3#baldur's gate#larian studios#i have more thoughts#but that is all im going to say for now#if i got into my frustration about how the only fat characters that are taller than dwarves are evil i'd be here all week#or why is there only ONE character of color in the main cast?? - no karlach doesn't count bc her voice actress is white#i know no one in larian goes here#but if anyone is ever considering an if or a video game! keep this in mind#i really love how games like wayfarer/infamous/dropout/exile [to name to name a few] have 'main' characters who are either#strictly platonic or can differentiate between what dynamic mc will have with the potential romance options#i also love how they have subromances#i wanted to list that too put this was getting long#i also no one but my moots will read this but that's perfect bc we can bitch in peace#nd that's what i wanted to get off my chest#i keep looking at karlach and dammon and being like roflmao why cant theys mooch?#or if pandira was a side/sub romance or lia - i like their fces okay#and im looking forward to adair/shadowheart/halsin but what ive heard there isnt much to be excited about lmao#also there's no bg4. the header is jokes!
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Things about yesterday’s episode that also made me insane but I was too distracted by Sabito and Baby Giyuu to freak out about :
How endearing is it that when directly asked, Tanjiro (known walking Antidepressant) is uncertain of his ability to cheer someone up. Like little buddy. You looked at Genya the right way for 4 seconds and it fixed his whole shit. You’ll be fine
Him waiting outside Giyuu’s house and just not giving up on him. Giyuu being so unfamiliar with kindness he straight up thought he heard Tanjiro wrong when he said he was coming in
Tanjiro sitting damn near knee-to-knee with him. Giyuu staring at his knees like *internally* personal space personal space personal sp
SHINOBUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Honestly I was never huge on her character and felt kinda like I was forcing myself to like her because she’s a rare female character in the show but I always liked Mitsuri better
UNTIL I SAW THAT EYE TWITCH. LIKE OK MISS GIRL WE ALL NEED A LOBOTOMY SOMETIMES 💖
But fr the potential for some female rage here is off the CHARTS. Sanemi please grab her by the shoulders like ‘ARENT YOU TIRED OF BEING NICE? DONT YOU JUST WANNA GO APESHIT?
#kny#kny s4#Also speaking of personal space#I really am gonna need Giyuu and Nezuko to have some interactions#however unaware tanjiro is of social convention. never letting it trump just being earnest and kind#Nezuko doesn’t give a fuck about being polite AT. ALL.#if she were there you KNOW she’d IMMEDIATELY throw her arms around his waist#big fat hug#and Giyuu would be so surprised he’d like raise his arms up to avoid touching her#like ‘um um um it’s touching me tanjiro what do I do what does this mean’#tanjiro is like aww she just loves you that’s all#Giyuu *tearing up* hm. good to know. now get the fuck out of my house#the Kamados do not listen and I love them for it#PLEASE. HIM SMILING. HIM FREELY ASKING TANJIRO QUESTIONS. TALKING. LIKE ITS NOTHING#TANJIRO FIXED HIMMMMMMMMM#AAAAAA
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what if i lost the will to live like. as a joke. what then.
#i am fine ftr im just. exhausted haha#NOT to overshare about my personal life too much but my dog is dying. my horse is being given back to his og owner this summer / fall.#my dads kicking me out in two years (in favor of his girlfriend and her kids bc he would rather live w them!!!)#his alcoholism is driving me crazy bc hes treating me like absolute shit and berating me constantly#and stealing from me 🙃#ive lost my healthcare benefits + now have to either raw dog therapy out of pocket or loose my therapist#a therapist that took me a year of being on a waiting list to get in w btw#and idk i just genuinely feel like a loser rn like. im a 23 year old unemployed fat virgin who plays video games all day like. 🧍#where is this going for me. what is the point of it all. in two years im going to be fucking homeless on top of all that#unless some miracle happens bc as is i am too disabled to work.#im just reaching a point where i deeply dont care anymore. whatever happens happens im done fighting it#and ik its the abandonment issues talking here but knowing my dad is planning on abandoning me. 👍#thats two for two on parents leaving me. my entire family has at this point so like truly i cant trust any relationship#like if my PARENTS find me that unbearable. and my best friend who knew me my entire life thought so. then truly every relationship#i ever have is on a fucking timer like. idk if any besties r reading this im sorry i promise this is in no way a dig at yall#bc you guys do really make me feel loved and secure in a way no one else has but. id be lying if i said i wasnt still scared#anyways enough oversharing#i really am fine and safe rn btw like. at minimum u guys r stuck w me until arc*ne season 2 comes out 😂#my post
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do you have any cats??? if u do, do you meow back at them?
omg ty for the ask. yes i have 2 cats they're great.. at this point this picture is really old but it shows both of them
left is allan, right is lottie. lottie's grown a lot since this picture was taken, and she's gotten fluffier... they both have really cute baby meows. i'd say i sometimes meow back, but most of the time i just talk normally in response. i do meow at them when i pet them though. i mostly meow at lottie though because i like to think allan has more dignity. lottie's still the baby
#lottie's so fluffy now i like to just stick my face in her fur.#allan has dandruff but he makes up for it by being fat so i still put my face on him sometimes#yeah compared to the picture they're a lot more similar in size now#lottie's definitely longer than allan#but allan's just huge#omg i almost forgot to mention how lottie sleeps on her back#it's really cute..#allan i have less to say about because he doesn't do as distinctive things tbh#he just gets a handsome face sometimes and loafs#sorry allan 😔#well actually his meow is pretty distinctive for his size#just he looks really big but then he opens his mouth and he sounds like a kitten
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#rant#i think one of the most annoying things about being fat is having to be so conscious of how often you say you wanna be skinny#like oop don't wanna be annoying to the skinny people in my life#oh don't wanna piss off the people who are bigger than me in my life too#also it's not that easy to get skinny when you're poor and busy#i can't afford to buy another sports bra in my size because I'm a 32 M#the last one i bought didn't fit#any now my sister who started ozempic is comparing bodies with me as if she hasn't been fatter than me our entire lives#and I've always made sure never to talk about my body or food intake around her because i knew she waa jealous#i remained completely body neutral#and now this bitch is comoaring body composition bitch you're on ozempic and unemployed shut the fuck up#i can't imagine hiw kuch worsw it is for people who are bigger than me
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Aayla's ideal weight: 43lbs (which is more on lean side)
Aayla at the vet two weeks ago: 47.2lbs
Aayla this morning after having her food reduced for two weeks: 48.4lbs
🙃
#but i dropped her down from 2 cups to 1.5 cups a day#im paranoid about her being a bit overweight right now#i feel okay with her being 42-44lbs gotta get her back there#this weight was before feeding#if she keeps gaining weight we are goingnto go back to the vet#she is doing great on this food#its not super high calorie or protein or fat
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if I could magically wish myself into my own ideal body I still wouldn't be thin
#a little thinner than I am now I think but Distinctly Still Fat#nyssa is pretty close to ideal tbh (although admittedly I'm a little inconsistent with her but)#the refs I've looked at for her and kethri give me the strongest 'god I fucking WISH that were ME'#I don't mind being soft and plump. I actively like it actually#thinking about this wrt things like video game character creation or whatever#'ooohhh it's supposed to be a fantasy for the player' okay what if my fantasy is to be beautiful and sexy. idiot.#(in my case it's a couple steps removed: what if my fantasy is to be able to play my OC in it [who is beautiful and sexy])#like kethri's trim enough for a halfling that I can make her in bg3 and go 'close enough I guess :/' but aubree's impossible#sucks!!!#about me
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#big gender rant ahead i just need to write down my thoughts#personal#so i think im a he/him trans lesbian??#i think ive been denying my feminine side for a long time now but middle school me was right. well. half right#idk why id built up some weird barrier in my mind about being trans and being a lesbian#but now im like more sure than ever#i still dont know if i could call myself a woman. and i thought i was so adamant about not using she/her again but it honestly?#doesn't bother me that much anymore. its not my preference but its not as soul crushing as it used to be#i have these weird subliminal gender rules for myself that ive been beating myself down with even though i#understand that theyre fake and dont hold anyone else to them. so why have a double standard? cant i have a fun gender?#ever since high school its been an uphill battle just letting myself live freely and having self confidence#i just turned 24. i dont have to be beholden to stupid hormonal teenage self loathing anymore#the world is a beautiful place and gender is just made up anyway. so why cant i be trans and butch? who cares??#i think i worded it well in my last personal post. ive been living a gender of convenience#but fuck that! i want the gender that makes sense to me! that makes me happy! its my life and i should live it how i want to!#...i still have some regrets about my top surgery. i wish i wasnt so weirdly flat chested now.#but hopefully the fat will redistribute eventually and itll look more natural as the years go on..#but i definitely dont regret going on T. i love my deep voice and my body hair#anyway if you've read this far thanks for listening to my mad ramblings#and dont forget you can have a fun gender too!
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a recent encounter in the wild of a person i used to be friends in primary school, really made me think about how much has changed since then. because that friend is the same as i remember them, in the best meaning of that sentence, and im just. well💀
#delete later#shut up kody#i used to be the most outgoing kid you could imagine. probably twice as annoying..............or thrice#supposedly i had no shame to just come up to someone and boom. an instant friend#probably half of my primary school knew me and my mum. random kids would come up to her just like that#(she likes to recall that. i think she sometimes misses that kid too)#anwyay its so surreal to think about now#because current me and past me????nah. thats two completely different people lol💀#and that friend tried to be so nice. they were like#'oh we can go to that one hangout spot u used to really like'#and i do not remember having a favourite hangout spot. or any spot. primary school is a big fat blank for me memeries wise#she suggested bringing our old field hockey team together for a match#didnt really want to so instead of being mature about it. i blatently lied that i couldnt play anymore#didnt even bat an eye#anyway so rn. the idea of being that outgoing sounds like a nightmare tbh lol#and feels so distant too ig#so on one hand its so bittersweet#and on the other. its almost upsetting to be reminded. so vividly. of the life i could have had if i didnt grow up to be like i am#because that old friend is still the same. living their best life#theyre still the same and im. well. im not#and sure#maybe thats okay#cause we all evolve and grow in different ways blah blah blah#but i dont think i like being reminded of who i used to be#i dont think i like that at all
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