#the other day i cracked open my moms cooking books to make myself dinner

[leodoriya]

grocery lists you get from your mom: sour cream NO SUGAR NO DAIRY NO ARTIFICIAL FLAVOURS NO GLUTEN NO GMO LOW CALORIE ORGANIC

grocery lists you get from your dad: party size doritos (PUT DOWNSTAIRS IN DESK CABINET SO MOM DOESNT SEE)

[octalove]

VIII: Struck by Lightning

(Batgirl/Red Hood)

Description: Reader makes a confession, and goes on a date. Previous.

TW: Brief mention of gore (just blood)

In the weeks succeeding the Little Italy mission, I found a rhythm in the two conflicting heartbeats of my life. Occasionally, I met with Jason to file down the multitude of criminals who opposed him (it wasn’t all rescuing orphans and kittens, but his justice was fair and swift), and other than that, I carried on with life as normal; both as myself, and Batgirl. It was an inconsistent, exciting balancing act.

I tried to humor Bruce’s transparent attempts to placate me with cold cases, deeming it study. My school work had unsurprisingly lost its appeal, and I found myself rocking in the river banks of what was sure to be a failing grade in most of my classes- though I had yet to run ashore. Yet.

I danced along, despite my reprisal (a lack of sleep, and white lies on either side), and overall there was a certain stalemate. With that, peace. Or at least, the closest I could get.

On a Saturday I happened to have free (to my great relief), I woke up at one in the afternoon, to a blessedly dim day that kept the light in my room dark enough to cradle my lie-in.

I washed the sleep from my face, and stumbled downstairs, muscles sore from a Thursday night mission with Jason at the Port (of which I told my family I was going to a party). Tim was the only one in the kitchen- looking like he, too, had just crawled out of bed. He was eating cereal in silence.

We hadn’t been avoiding each other, per say- just got wrapped up in our own routines. Routines that kept me out of the house, and him trapped within it.

“Morning.” I said.

“Mm.” He replied.

I poured out my own bowl of cereal and settled on top of the glossy white granite. It was kind of a running joke at the Wayne household that you could sit anywhere but the chairs. Even Damian picked up on it- and, naturally, he was the best at it- perching his lithe little form atop the fridge at one point.

Now, Tim and I sat side by side on the countertop, shoulders brushing and spoons clanging against our glass bowls. Nothing more was said, but it was a comfortable silence.

I thought, for a second, about the world he’d been living in for the past few months as November bled into December. About his work and his many, many jobs he had to do. The way he shouldered them all week-to-week. He didn’t have to, but he did.

Tim made me a better person. I thought so, anyway.

But then, before I met him, I was the kind of person who let Carolyn Crawford slap me across the face to cover for someone else’s secret. Now, I was the kind who let other people take the blame for mine. Maybe Tim didn’t make me a better person. Only I could do that.

*

“I need to talk to you.” I said it firmly, and with authority. Mostly to convince myself that I was certain in my intention to go through with it. Bruce eyed me, looking up from his book.

“Alright.”

“...”

“...”

“In private.”

Alfred and Damian’s voices carried through to the living room as they had tea (an evening tradition). Bruce nodded, closed his book, and led me upstairs.

His office was a quiet, peaceful place. Finished dark wood, glass tables, and black leather accents. It was the room in the house that was most furnished to his own private taste, and thus, a glimpse inside was into him. It was mostly predictable; W.E. briefcases, notebooks and pens, case files open, and a map of the city that was displayed behind his desk. But there were other things too; a rubik’s cube half solved on the settee, a magazine featuring Vicki Vale with a pen in her hand and a defiant, head-strong look on her face. A gorgeous trailing point knife that belonged to Damian (probably confiscated).

I sat down in the chair that faced his own; his giant, glossy desk between us. I wanted to be swallowed into the dark leather. I felt like I was back at the shrink.

“Tim didn’t sneak off on the 21st.” I said quickly, cutting off the silence as quickly as I could. “He’s not the one who saw Red Hood kill that guy. It was me. I made Tim promise not to tell. He lied to cover for me.”

Bruce was quiet. He did that a lot; made you wait for him to speak. Seconds, minutes, hours. It all felt the same when he let you simmer in your own mistakes. I didn’t look up.

“I see.”

Silence. A long, testing silence. His irritating little desk clock ticked away.

“Is that all you wanted to tell me?” He asked.

I nodded.

“Very well. You’re dismissed.”

“Really?” I asked. “That’s it? You’re not mad?”

He paused. “Should I be?”

I blinked, gaze falling on the floor. “I put Tim in a really shitty position. He didn’t have to lie, but he did because I asked him to. I’m mad at me.” I admitted quietly.

Bruce nodded pedantically, resting his head on his hand. “Then that’s good enough for me.”

I furrowed my brow. It wasn’t good enough for me. “It was wrong.” I clarified, trying to press for some manner of reprimand that I didn’t truly want, but felt deserving of anyway. Bruce considered this, in his quiet, inscrutable way. After a moment, he spoke.

“Your mothers trusted me.” He said. I knew that. My parents were business-oriented like that. They were pulled together by happenstance, each without family and carving their own way in the world by studying international law, and applying it to companies who could afford private foreign trade, such as Wayne Enterprises. I attended the parties, the galas, standing around in my designer gowns while my moms handed out their business cards and talked about imports. They weren’t neglectful, just distracted.

“I don’t know if you remember-“

“I do.”

And if I had a dollar for every time the cops or the shrink asked me if I remembered that night, I’d buy my own manor.

Bruce Wayne was at my birth. He and my mothers had been business partners for a while by that time. He watched me, dutifully, when my parents went on date nights, and played catch with me when I accompanied him and Dick to the park. He cooked me breakfast the morning after my mothers died.

I knew it wasn’t a random killing, but he didn’t talk about why they were murdered in their own bed until I was fifteen. By then, I was knowledgeable enough to go searching through the police reports on my own. So instead, one night he’d sat me down at the kitchen table, looking at me earnestly.

“You have to understand, Y/N. Your mothers were...” He’d taken a deep breath. Tried again. “They were involved in things. Things I didn’t know about. It made them a lot of enemies.” Then, something harder passed his features. A frustration.

“They were completely blind to the fact that it meant you would never have a normal life. Not as long as they kept it up- that... double life.” I let the statement hang in the air for a time. “That was stolen from you, from the moment they got involved with the Baciu. And I’m sorry.”

It was easy to be sorry. I was sorry, too. My mothers got themselves tangled in Gotham’s heroin trade, and they weren’t careful enough, so they died for it. It was fairly cut and dry. Open file, close case. But the part that was so bitter to swallow was that it happened to me. A fourteen-year-old child creeping into my mothers’ bed because I’d heard a noise, and the re-runs of Ghost Hunter I’d religiously consumed were conjuring movement in the shadows. But there were no ghosts. Just sheets stained with blood that looked black in the darkness. Just the wet, clogged sort of sound when I peeled back the covers, unable to register they way my mothers were bent, and stilled in a way that only death can induce, where just earlier that night they’d been walking and talking. Bringing me Chinese take-out for dinner.

Their death, and everything that followed was emptying. Cracking open a great chasm and bringing death home, into the halls, and into my room. No longer a rumor. It was an empty chair, and a storied space made cold and worthless. It would’ve been easier if they had simply died as a random killing. Tragic, standard, random Gotham City killing. If I had just been that unlucky. If they’d only been struck by lightning. Instead, I grieved twice; once for who they were, and another time, for who I thought they were.

When Bruce adopted me, I became Batgirl. I made it my own vendetta to stop criminals without killing them, because I knew that some- most of them had children at home who would be the real victims if I did.

But then, I thought deeper. More considerately, about who my mothers were. Moreover, who they weren’t. Pearl and gold, white teeth and hairspray. Singing to me, and playing Monopoly, at which they were both so competitive that they had to kiss and make up after every game. Bringing me a strawberry cupcake in bed every year on my birthday. Kissing me on the head. Telling me to be good. Leaving me in that big house. Going off to Port Adams, or Crime Alley. Signing orders. Putting bodies in Finger River.

Nobody’s innocent here, dollface.

“They trusted me.” Bruce’s voice interrupted my reminiscing with the ghosts of my past. “I know their death was hard, and you may still be recovering. I’m trying to do the best I can for you.” He finished. For all the gnashing teeth and avaricious expanses of Gotham City secrets, he looked tired.

“I know, Bruce.” I said quietly. “Me too.”

*

The following Tuesday, I got home from school and started on a mountain of homework I needed to do- some make up work as well. Christmas break was around the corner, and I was slowly losing motivation as the semester drew to a close. I had too many distractions; and tonight was no exception.

Ding.

My phone buzzed, and I looked down, eyebrows raising to find that it was a text from Jason- one that wasn’t just a pin dropped to a location.

Meet me at Twin Sharks. I’ll buy you a coffee.

- What’s the occasion?

No reply. I sighed. I should’ve called him and made him tell me, but I knew that I would go no matter what, so I decided to play the apathy card. Despite my cool response, my heart (the traitor) was fluttering like a bird. Was this about the kiss? Our partnership? Was it an actual, regular date? Or was he breaking it off? My mind raced, and as I pulled together a tasteful outfit and sprayed myself with perfume, I promised myself that it wasn’t for him.

The Twin Sharks was a diner in Upper West Side, near China town. It was nicer than the likes of Sherman’s, or anything else East End had to offer. The late afternoon was unexpectedly bright, clouds parted for a sweet reprieve of gold and blush in the sky. The sun was a striking blood-orange, hung low over the city. It struck a match in my chest- some childish, poetic hopefulness.

The diner’s door jingled, and I scanned the booths and tables. It was a little crowded, but I spotted Jason alone in a booth, his eyes cast down, involved with his phone. I made my way over to him, slipping off my coat and plopping down his opposite.

“Hey.” I said. His eyes fell upon me, and I saw something on his face- maybe surprise, or something to that effect- before he composed his expression into something unreadable.

“Hey.”

The diner had a big, hot pink neon sign that depicted a matching pair of sharks above the counter. Its buzzing glow mixed with the orange gleam of the lowering sun through the windows- it was all very rose-colored.

The waitress put a coffee in front of me, and I got to work on adorning it with the little cream and sugar packets on the table. He watched me do it for while.

“What?” I asked, narrowing my eyes.

“Nothin’.” He said. Then, he reached across the table, and took my hand, pulling it back to him, and pressed a soft kiss to my knuckles. I was so startled by it that I dropped the sugar packet I was holding. Neither of us seemed to notice. He turned my hand over and placed another kiss in the inside of my wrist before returning it safely to my side of the table. I was certain my face burned like the neon sharks.

“I’m- um- is this a date?” I asked, trying to get him to say something- anything- to get my mind off the way he’d just reduced me to a puddle.

He looked amused by that. “You want it to be?”

“I don’t know.” I shrugged, stirring my coffee. “You invited me.”

He nodded, eyes falling away. “Yeah. I’ve got an update for you. D’amici business.”

“Oh.” By the look on his face, it wasn’t good news.

“You’re not gonna like it.”

“Perfect. My day’s been a little too good so far.” I said. He slid me his phone- on the screen was an article from the Gotham Quarterly.

Young Bride Found Murdered in Diamond District Estate

I read over it a couple times, brow furrowing. “You mean...“

“Penelope. It happened last night.”

“Shit.” I muttered, scrolling down and scanning through the article. My throat caught as I read over it. She was shot in her bed. “It says there’s no suspects.”

“Course it does. It’s the mafia. They handle things nice and quiet.”

“And I’m guessing you have a few a suspects.” He nodded grimly as I slid his phone back to him.

“One better. I know exactly who did it. I think you do, too.”

I put my head in my hands, mulling over my options. Really there was only one. Penelope’s beautiful, flustered face and apologetic eyes flashed through my mind. Her wind-chime laugh as we ate scones under the watchful eye of her adoring, peculiar grandmother.

“Okay.” I resolved. “Let’s get that girl justice.”

[ren1327]

Sweater Weather Ch. 6

Kenji noticed how quiet Ben was as he packed his suitcase again, too focused on folding his shirts a certain way.

“You excited?” Kenji asked.

“About what?”

“The hotel stay?” Kenji asked.

“Oh! Yeah. We’re coming back after the run through, right?”

“Yeah, it’s just a week.” Kenji said and stared at his suitcase.

“Oh…Um, will it be that short?” He asked.

“Do you wanna just…stay here?” Kenji asked. “I mean, we still go in a couple days and make it the night before if you want. Have some time to cool our heads.”

“Will that be okay?” Ben asked.

“Sure!” Kenji said. “Let me just go tell my Dad.”

 *

 Candy hugged him extra tight.

“I hope your cold feels better, Mijo.” She said and smiled at Ben, who smiled back, bundled in pajamas and a blanket wrapped around to his ears.

“Are you sure you don’t want us to take Carmen?” Kosei asked and his daughter huffed.  

“Daddy! I can feed myself and I’ll stay out of the way. Besides. That means I get to know Ben better!” She said. “I can make him caldo and spiced atole!”

“I don’t know what those are, but I’m gonna eat them.”

“Heck yeah, we are!” Kenji said excitedly. “Cause I’m gonna help!”

“You still cook, Mi Bebe?” Candy asked with a smile.

“I…I lived alone.” Kenji said. “It’s not as good as yours but…”

Candy cocked her head and kissed his cheek, pinching it.

“Pobrecito…” She said with a laugh. “Be safe and stay warm.”

“Owen will bring you two back in two days.” Kosei said and hugged Carmen close.

“Okay. Have fun!” Carmen yelled as they left.

She turned around with a grin, scooping up Bumpy.

“I’m going to make caldo for dinner, but for now, me and Bumpy are gonna go watch Ducktales and eat jerky!”

“Floss after!” Kenji called as she ran up the stairs.

“Think they bought the sick act?” Ben asked, dropping the blanket from his head down to his shoulders.

“Nope. But they’re catering to you.” He said, placing his hands on Ben’s exposed shoulders.

“Isn’t that my boyfriend’s job?” Ben asked with a smile.

“Just act sick today and we can do something tomorrow.” Kenji said, turning around to hide his blush.

“Okay.” Ben said. “So…I’m assuming most of this act will be bumming around and cuddling?”

Kenji cleared his throat.

“My parents aren’t here…” He said.

“Practice.”

Kenji blinked and looked at Ben, looking up from hooded eyes.

“I…okay. You wanna read a book while I look at my phone?” Kenji asked.

“You know me so well, Honey.” Ben said with a tilt of his head.

Kenji’s heart thudded as he looked down at his pretend boyfriend.

 *

 Carmen knocked gently on the door and Kenji called out to let her in.

She opened it slowly and peek in, the smell of rich chicken soup wafting through the house.

“Kenji, can you help me with something?” She asked.

Kenji looked down at Ben, who was curled up in another one of his sweaters and sleeping soundly.

“Sure.” He said and wrapped a blanket around Ben, kissing his forehead.

“Aw~” Carmen cooed.

“Shut up. You’ll get it.” He said knowingly.

He followed her to the kitchen, where she had a large crockpot full of shredded chicken and veggies.

“I always get the spices wrong even when I follow Mama’s recipe.” She whined.

“I got ya.” He said and grabbed a rotating spice rack of glass shakers filled with chopped herbs, ground spices and full leaves.

“First off, no cilantro. It taste like soap to some people so just better to nix it. Next, we add cumin, black peppercorn, a whole bay leaf and chili paste.” He said, making a showoff adding the spices and stirring it with a wooden spoon. “I don’t smell that certain…twang.”

“Not everyone can handle your spice!” She reminded him. “But…maybe jalapeno juice?”

“Ding ding ding! Prize to the cutie in Steven Universe socks!” He said and she smiled, getting him a bottle from the fridge.

He added a splash, stirred it once more and covered it. “And now we wait two awful hours.”

“We can start the rice after about an hour and a half, right?” She asked.

“So…what do you say we go all the way with this meal?” he asked.

“You mean-?!”

“Chocolate time, Baby!” He said and she squealed.

He quickly grabbed a few bowls and pans. Carmen placed her phone in a speaker and quick tempered guitar sounded in the kitchen.

It was no secret that the Kon siblings took after their mother’s culture when it came to food. They joked that was how she had seduced their father before winning him over with her empathetic personality. They had explored her childhood hotspots, from the River Walk, to the Art Museum to Fiesta Square and the Quarry Market, they had walked and shopped with their Mama and visit old friends in the barrios near downtown to check on them.

“When I was little, my Tia lived with two other families in a house meant for one. But they cooked together and worked hard so their children could go to school and do something with their lives. And we made sure to return and take care of them.” She said as their old Tia sat in a plush chair, eyes closed in content and body relaxed as Carmen chattered on about her day at school, Kosei watching them worriedly to make sure the old woman did not get overwhelmed in the small hot kitchen.

“But I remembered the food and how good it was. Even if there wasn’t a lot, there was still so much love and flavor in it.” She said, stirring the red rice and a teen Kenji adding peas and sliced jalapenos to it. “So when I cook, I remember the love and care that went into it and remember what my family did, where we came from. How a lot can go into a little still.”

She then held out a small spoon of rice and Kenji took a bite; lemon, tomatoes, and pepper blending together perfectly into the rice and blooming over his tongue. He felt his Mother’s kiss on his forehead and smiled.

He sighed happily as he mixed the chocolate and then held the spoon to Carmen to taste. She took it and happily put it in her mouth with a hum.

Had Ben experienced what his mother had in her childhood?

Had his mother shown him her love in what little she could give. Kenji Recalled how he and Carmen had nice clothes and food growing up. How Carmen asked for a game and got it the same day.

His parents worked their butts off and he…

He had just run away.

No wonder his father was so pissed at him all those years and now…

Now he saw him and Ben and looked hopeful. Like Kenji might pull himself together for Ben and that…that…

“That’s not fair.” He said out loud and noticed Carmen had paused holding out the small desert bowls decorated with diamond.

“Kenji?” She asked.

“I…I’ve been such a dick.” He sighed and hugged Carmen.

“Um, let’s plate these and put them away and then…you wanna talk?” She asked.

“Yeah.” Kenji said and she held the bowls as he filled them.

Carmen placed them in the freezer, and they started on the dishes, washing them by hand this time.

“I’ll wash, you dry.” Carmen said and Kenji nodded, both of them rolling up their sleeves in unison.

As they settled in a nice silence, Kenji looked at Carmen.

“I ran away after the breakup and I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing to me?” She asked.

Kenji took a breath and turned to his sister, leaning against the counter top.

“I know about the bullying.”

“I…of course you do.” She sighed.

“Carm, why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it’s no big deal.” She huffed, handing him a pot.

“It is to me!” Kenji said, aggressively wiping it down with a towel. “My little sister is hurting and I…”

“What would you even do?” She asked.

“I…I don’t know, something!”

“Kenji!” She said and looked at him. “You’re here. You’re here and that’s…”

She sniffed as her voice cracked, eyes filling with tears.

“You’re here and I’m okay.” She sobbed the last word, Kenji gathering her in his arms.

“Yeah…” He said and rubbed her back. “And I’m gonna be here for you no matter what.”

“What about—”

“Shh…” Kenji whispered. “Let me be here for you.”

Carmen nodded into his shirt.

“I have something to tell you.” He said. “About Ben.”

“That you two are obviously not an item?”

He pulled her back.

“What the heck, Carmen?” He yelled.

“I could tell, duh. You two are so not okay in each other’s arms and you are so forced.” She said with a smirk. “You can fool Mama and Dad, but not me.”

“So…”

“Explain.” She said and Kenji sighed.

“Well…”

 *

 Ben woke up to Bumpy licking his face.

He took a deep breath and Carmen was there, eyes watery and clutching her dress.

“Carmen?” He asked, then huffed when the teen hugged him around the neck.

“I’m so sorry!” She cried. “I didn’t know my brother dragged you into this dumb mess!”

“Uh…” Kenji said, his left cheek red from a slap.

“You told her.” Ben said.

“He did and I am so mad and sad and…”

“He wanted to make your parents proud.” Ben said with a sigh. “And I needed to get away for a bit.”

“Do you two even like each other?” Carmen asked.

“I…” Ben bit his lip. “I cant answer that right now. I’m comfortable with your brother.”

“You shouldn’t settle with someone who hurt you!” Carmen yelled and Ben looked up at Kenji.

“You told her—”

“Everything.” Kenji said.

“Carmen.” Ben said and pulled her to sit next to him, taking her hands. “Listen. I hated your brother back then.”

Kenji cringed.

“I thought it was his fault my mom got too stressed and…” He took another deep breath. “It wasn’t. We were just stupid kids doing stupid things at the worst time…And yes. Your brother hurt me. Scarred me in some ways. And you know what happened?”

“What?”

“I dated an absolute scumbag cause I thought, ‘hey, I could take years of abuse from Kenji Kon, I can handle this.’ But I couldn’t…He…” Ben covered his mouth and gagged a bit, Kenji grabbing the trash can and holding it under Ben’s head.

He pushed it away, shaking his head.

“He hurt me so bad.” He said and Carmen covered her mouth. “And I was okay with that.”

“W-Why?” She asked.

“I’ve been a victim,” Ben said, voice wobbling. “Like, my whole life. And I hated it. And now, I’m homeless and leeching off the only people who have ever been nice to me. And I hate it.”

He sniffed and wiped his hot face, vision blurry.

“So when I realized I could find a way out with your brother’s help, I thought, ‘well, he owes me’. And yet…He has shown me something I cant believe. He’s changed, Carmen. And I never thought I’d be excited to see Kenji Kon, than I am when he comes through a door. And yeah…maybe this is fake, but I’m happier that he’s willing to help me stand on my own two feet by showing me that change is possible. He went from an absolute dick—”

“I was.” Kenji interjected.

“—to a kind and devoted older brother who adores his parents, his friends and wants to make up for what he did to me.” Ben said. “And I’m giving him this chance. I’m sorry we lied.”

“This is still really messed up. What if Mama and Dad want you two to…y’know…stay together?” She asked.

“I’d tell them everything. In all honesty, it was mainly to show I had gotten over Brooklynn.” Kenji said.

“Have you?” Carmen asked.

Kenji made a face and Ben huffed, grabbing his boots and coat. “Excuse me.”

Carmen watched as Kenji quickly followed Ben out the hall and to the backyard.

“This was so stupid!” Ben yelled into the trees.

Kenji grabbed his arms and pulled him back. “Dude, you’re in pajamas!”

“I don’t care! This is…This was a mistake, Kenji…” Ben said.

“Ben…please, hate me all you want, but I need you, not just for this stupid lie.” Kenji said. “I…You make me happy, Ben.”

“Happy?”

“You make me calm and like…like I can have this.”

“And what is this?” Ben asked with a shake of his head.

Kenji pulled him into a tight hug. Ben blushed as he felt the other’s chest thudding.

“Kenji?”

“I liked you. Back then, I liked you and I was such an asshole.” He said.

Ben shoved him away. “That is such…You are such a…”

His face was red and his nose wrinkled and Kenji could see tears building again.

“I think I still do…” Kenji said, taking a step forward.

Ben covered his face before reaching out and yanking Kenji down by his shirt collar, kissing him as snow started to fall. Ben pushed him back a bit, to glare at him with almost no heat.

“Then do this correctly.” Ben hissed and pulled him back into another kiss.

After a moment, Kenji put his own coat around Ben.

“Let’s get you into a warm bath. It’s too cold for you here.” Kenji said and led him back into the house and past Carmen, who seemed to be grinning behind her hands.

------------------------------------------

Sorry this took so long. But hopefully, I can continue when I have time, and power. Hopefully Texas will get back to normal soon. 

[punkcupcakestyles]

Love Song

Part 13

Catch Up!

“How’s Camille, Harry?”

“Greedy, ain’t he?”

“Well, when you have that face, mate, girls just don’t care.”

The words were still ringing in my ears, even though days had gone by. 

We were back in L.A., and I was back at my house. I didn’t go to his house, I mumbled excuses and went back home, to Cat and my mom. To Sam. 

That was always the plan, to go to Sam, to follow him wherever he went. I was supposed to go to Stanford while he went to UCLA and we were going to visit each other every weekend, go to San Francisco and Las Vegas. We were supposed to live college life like there was nothing else after it. And somehow, someday, he was supposed to realize that I was it for him. I was the one he was looking for. That he loved me almost as much as I loved him (I had come to terms with the fact that I was always going to love him more). 

And then, that night happened and my life turned upside down. 

It could’ve been worse, I guess.

“Your sister wore me off,” Sam complained as soon as he let himself plop down on the bed. 

The mattress shifted its weight and the mascara wand ended up poking my cheek as a result. I scowled, but Sam didn’t notice. He had his face buried into the pillow and his long arms and legs spread open over my covers as if he were a tiny, tired star. 

“Fuck, Sam!”

“Sorry,” he muttered at the same time he rose on his elbows to look at me. “You still look pretty. Where are you going?”

There was a certain edge on his voice as if he already knew the answer to his question and he disapproved of it. I peered down and poked my tongue out at him as he rolled onto his back, drumming his fingers on his tummy as he waited for my answer. 

“Dump his ass.”

“Sam...”

“No, for real, tell him to go fuck himself and dump his ass.”

“I will think about it, Sam. Now stop.”

Sam didn’t know, Sam couldn’t know. The moment he did, he wouldn’t look at me the same way. And I couldn’t stand that. 

“In this outfit?” I asked him, as I tried to remove the black smudge over my cheek. I looked down at myself, at the dark blue cotton shorts and the lavender lace of the teddy I was wearing. I had gotten it as a gift from a brand that wanted me as their ambassador, but I had never really had a use for it, up until now. “I’m going to the library.” Sam was still frowning. He was always frowning lately. “I need to take some photos for my IG. I’m gonna take it off right away.”

“Oh,” he muttered, and I felt a tinge of guilt in his voice. Not enough to say sorry, though. 

I pushed my makeup to the side, and let my fingers run through my hair to mess it up a bit, so it wouldn’t look perfectly sleek. My makeup was dewy and rosy, long lashes and glossy lips as if I had barely done something to my face instead of wearing a ridiculous amount of creams and balms and powders. It looked like I was in the middle of the golden hour when in reality it was past 8 and the sun had already set. 

I had definitely not woken up like this. 

I took a few pictures, trying to pose sexily casual, if that’s a thing, and making silly faces to the camera so I wouldn’t take myself so seriously. It was something I did from time to time, so my Instagram feed wouldn’t just be random pictures. 

Sam burst into giggles as he looked at me and took the phone away from me so he could snap a couple of pictures himself. I posed shyly, now that he was the one doing it, and he handed me my phone back once he was finished, with the photo already chosen. It was simple, I was looking at the camera with my lips slightly parted in a coy smile, and my hand on my neck. My eyes were cast down, and my nose was a little bit scrunched up, so I looked nice and happy.

“That’s the one you should post. You look beautiful,” he mumbled, and I managed to offer him half a smile, feeling my tummy bubble softly with his words.

“Thank you.” I took my phone back and went to post it on Instagram with a quick 🖤 as a caption, before I put it on my bed and fell back on the bed and lie next to him, so close that the tip of our noses was almost touching. 

“Are you gonna tell me what’s wrong?” I asked him softly and he rolled his eyes in response, attempting to get up from the bed before I pulled him back. “Sam.”

He was in a mood, bitter, sour, unbearable. He was lucky I liked him. 

“Annie broke up with me,” he muttered, avoiding my eyes as he did so.

“Oh,” I said. Oh. “When?”

“About a week ago. When I saw the photos of Harry with his ex.”

“Why would she break up with you because of that? That’s none of her business.”

“She said I cared too much.”

“You’re my best friend!!”

“She doesn’t think that’s the only thing going on.”

He finally looked at me and his eyes shone with worry. He seemed like a little kid, hopeful and scared at the same time. Hopeful I might feel the same. Scared I would laugh at him. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t need to, and neither did I. 

Fuck. Fuck. 

I couldn’t think of anything to say, nothing good, at least. I blinked and gulped, looking him stupidly in the eyes as he waited for me. To do what?

This is what I had wanted my whole life. Why wasn’t I jumping on the opportunity?

The sound of the phone almost made me jump out of my skin and I sat up, darting to it to give myself something to do. Harry’s name popped onto the screen and I rolled my lips into my mouth, wondering if I should answer his FaceTime call. Sam waited for me to decide, scoffing as I pushed the green button to take the call. Shut up, I warned with my eyes. 

Deep breaths. 

“Hi,” Harry smiled to the screen, widely and sweetly and I felt myself melt at the sight of him. 

God, I had missed him. It was the first time I was seeing his face, his actual face (he was everywhere, even if his album was not out yet) in a week, and I thought I knew just how much I had missed him every single day, but I was now realizing I had missed him so much more. “How are you, baby?”

Confused would be the right answer. 

“Good.” He was wearing some sort of hoodie, light blue and plush, and his dimpled smile and his bunny teeth made him look adorable. I could see Sam out of the corner of my eyes, and I shifted uncomfortably as he got up from the bed. 

“I’m gonna help Cat with dinner,” Sam muttered, loud enough to be heard. It didn’t matter if he had done it on purpose, cause Harry had notice and the sweetness on his face slowly disappeared.

“Who was that?”

“Uh...Sam.” I shifted on the bed, looking uncomfortable as Harry looked back.

“He’s there?”

No, that was a hologram. Jesus.

“He is, he stayed here while I was away.”

“You’re already back…”

“Harry…”

He looked pissed but didn’t say anything. Instead, he took a deep breath and let his tongue sweep over his lips.

“Come here tonight,” he finally said. 

“I-I can’t.”

“Why not?” 

Cause I had to figure things out. Cause I couldn’t offer him all of my attention. Cause there was a chance Sam loved me back. 

Did I love Sam? 

Fuck. 

“I was thinking about spending the night with my mom and sister.”

“And Sam,” he smirked and I rolled my eyes in response. “Let’s do something, yeah? Spend the night with them and come sleep here. I miss you.”

“I, uh, I’ll see what I can do, H.”

“That’s not a big promise, S.”

“I’m sorry, I have to go and help with dinner. I’ll let you know, yeah?”

He was displeased with my answer, rolling his bottom lip into his mouth and gnawing on the inside of his cheek. His jaw was set and he looked away from me for a second before he nodded. We said short goodbyes, and I grunted as soon as the call ended, and dropped the phone away from me so I could bury myself into the sheets.

I felt bad, so fucking bad. All I wanted to do was to go him and hide my face onto the crook of his neck.

But I also wanted to find out what was happening to Sam. 

Harry’s smile was gone too quickly, I didn’t get a chance to enjoy it. 

***

I put on a hoodie and went down to the first floor, to join my family in the kitchen. It was a mess, Cat had decided to do chocolate pudding and carbonara pasta from scratch so there was flour everywhere and an explosion of melted chocolate was stuck on the wall. I was pretty sure she had broken an egg on the floor. 

“You’re late,” she accused me, and she looked like a ghost with her face plastered with flour. 

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, side-eyeing Sam as he busied himself with the boiling milk. “I got distracted. What do you need me to do?”

“Fry the bacon and beat the eggs,” she ordered and I put myself to work, trying to avoid Sam as much as I could. But still, big as the kitchen was, it didn’t seem big enough for the two of us. 

My mom came home, still wearing her scrubs from the hospital, she looked so happy to see him, as if he were family and that was his natural place to be. She went to take a shower and came back with a big, satisfied smile just as we were serving dinner. 

It was a big, happy family dinner, even though the pudding was clumpy and that the eggs had cooked a little in the pasta sauce. It was easy to forget the problems of the day or the fact that Sam kept looking at me as if he wanted to figure me out. 

“So, when are you gonna bring your boyfriend home?” My mom asked she was finished and I looked at her and then at Sam nervously. 

“We…mmm...He’s not my boyfriend, mom. We’re just hanging out.”

“That’s not what the gossip sites say,” Cat mocked and I turned to look at her with my eyes big like plates. “What? They say you went to London so his ex would stay away. Did you really chase her with a knife?”

“I did not! Stop reading those shitty things and read a real book instead!” 

Cat shrugged her shoulders as my mom gave her a warning look. The thing about Cat was that she was less afraid of us as time went by and she grew older. I guess that’s what happens when you have a mother that’s put together with tape on her broken parts and a sister that’s about to crack. 

“Your sister did not chase anyone with a knife, that’s not the way we raised you, and we don’t beg for love,” my mom said sweetly. 

“Well…” Cat started, but suddenly shut up and whipped her head to look at Sam. She grew red and cast her eyes down as she filled her mouth with some more pudding. 

I was pretty sure what she was going to say. We all were. It was a good thing Sam had stopped her, cause I would’ve had to kill her. 

Dinner was done soon enough and Cat looked to suck up to my mom by helping her with the dishes, while Sam and I went upstairs. 

“Thanks…” I whispered when we reached my door and I leaned onto it, with my palms behind my back. 

“It’s alright,” he smiled. “She would’ve regretted it anyway.”

He barely managed to finish before I kiss him. My fingers pushed into his hair and I brought his closer, which he took as an opportunity to press me to the door. 

It was a nice kiss, more than nice, intense and slow, as I enjoyed the taste of his lips. They were sweet and juicy, just as I had always imagined them.

But the world was still there, I was aware that my mom was downstairs, and that Sam’s hands were looking for a way to sneak under my hoodie. It hadn’t disappeared around us, just like it did when Harry kissed me. 

I slowly pulled apart from him and he untangled his arms from around me. I turned around and opened the door to my room while Sam stood there, his brain probably pounding with a million questions about what had just happened. I knew mine was. 

“Sof…” Sam spoke softly and I turned around as I was about to close the door, to look at him. “Let me in.”

No. 

“Oh, no, you’ll have to wine me and dine me first, Sammy,” I tried to mock, but it came out flat and Sam’s brows furrowed deeply, as he took a step closer so no one else would listen to us. Fuck, my mom and Cat could come up at any second.

“What about Harry? You told me he was your boyfriend…”

“He is…” I nodded, biting the corner of my lips as a sudden feeling of shame filled my chest. Fuck. “It’s, uh, it’s complicated.”

“Do you love him?”

“Go to your room, Sam. We’ll talk tomorrow, yeah?” 

He finally nodded and turned around to go to his room, that was by the end of the hallway. He had always had a room at my place, it was the least I could do after he left us crash at his tiny apartment when we just got to L.A. When my mom was more a robot than a person and I worked as a waitress so we could eat. When I was still afraid every time I heard a police siren, and I saw blood in my nightmares every night.

Fuck me. 

***

@TeenVogue: Imagine looking THIS good🔥🔥🔥🔥

@Sarah1980.: Harries out there be thinking this chick can turn a gay man straight. He likes dick, ma’am.

@MikeG: Only reason I will be watching the new Marvel Era.

@Selenass: Those lips Kylie Jenner could never 💁🏽‍♀️

@pinkbae: 🤡🤡🤡🤡

***

I needed to come to terms with the fact that I wasn’t going to sleep that night.

I kept watching reruns of Law and Order: SVU and I turned the TV from time to time and closed my eyes to see if I could fall asleep. But I tossed and turned on the bed, snapping my eyes open to go back to Olivia Benson and her not-so-calming stories. 

I had fucked up, I was aware of that. I kept coming back to the moment when I decided to kiss Sam, to the pressure of his lips on mine and the sweet taste of the pudding on his tongue. I scrunched up my eyes and buried my face onto the pillow, so it would muffle my groans

I needed to see Harry. 

It was an idiotic idea, but it was well established by now that I was a fucking idiot. I was still wearing the lavender teddy and the blue shorts, so I just put on a gigantic hoodie before I left my room. I hadn’t snuck out of my house in the middle of the night in a long while and I tried to be as silent as possible, stealing Sam’s keys on my way to the door. 

I took Sam’s car and drove around the familiar routes of my neighborhood. I was good there, I felt almost confident even though I was a terrible driver, the problem was when I had to leave the comfort of my zone. Soon enough, I was parking in front of Harry’s house and I pulled out my phone, begging that he would be awake so I wouldn’t have to go back home. 

You up? I wrote.

@H: It’s so late for a booty call. I feel almost used. 

I’m outside your door. 

@H: Oh, so literally a booty call? gimme a moment, I’m naked. 

I didn’t need to know that. 

@H: I’m gonna get naked again as soon as we enter the house, just so you know. 

I smiled for the first time that night, looking at the screen while I thought of something to reply. A billion things came to mind, but I settled with staring at the screen and smiling like an idiot at his words.  Oh, how I wished I was bold. 

The garage soon started to slide open and I tried and failed to start the engine again. I could see Harry standing by the driveway and looking at me with his arms crossed over his chest and a mocking smile on his face, as he saw me struggle for a bit with the car.

“Hi,” I smiled shyly when I finally parked in front of him and rolled down the window to look at him with big, sorrowful eyes, so he wouldn’t have any other choice but to agree to whatever I wanted. “Can I sleep here?”

I had learned that trick from Cat. 

Harry’s hair was messy and he wasn’t wearing a shirt, only his sweatpants that hung low on his hips. He didn’t seem like he had just woken up, he looked divine. It was almost sinful how good he looked. 

“Sure,” he smiled as he leaned into the door and looked down at me with eyes full of curiosity. “but you do know it past 3 am, right?” He asked. A mop of curls fell over his forehead and I had to restrain myself from the need to touch it. 

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, biting my lips as I looked at him. “Should I go back?”

Harry chuckles rumbled in his bare chest and he stood straight to open the door. His eyes made their way down my body as I stepped down from the car and I was painfully aware of the fact that I was barely wearing any clothes. Neither of us had seemed to have gotten the memo of how freaking cold the dawn was going to be. 

“I didn’t know you drove,” he said.

“I don’t. This is Sam’s car. I kinda stole it.”

Like a petulant child, Harry’s rolled his eyes at the mention of Sam’s name and I smiled, pressing my cold fingers to the nape of his neck to bring him closer so I could kiss him, softly, sweetly. The weight of his body pressed up to me, trapping against the car as one of his arms went around my waist.

It was all I wanted to do, all I had been thinking that night: His kisses and the way the world seemed to blur around its edges when he was close to me. He took over my mind and every one of my senses, and a warm feeling settled in my tummy. It was like nothing I had felt before and I was pretty sure that I was probably not going to feel it after he was gone. 

I was starting to think that everyone else would have to compare to him. 

“We should fuck in this car,” he muttered as soon he broke the kiss and I giggled, still pressed up to him, still refusing to let him go. His forehead was against mine and his warm breath rose little goosebumps on my skin, but he looked dead serious about his offer. 

“Why would we do that?”

“So he knows you’re mine.”

“Am I?” I smirked. 

“Yes.”

“Sam’s just a friend,” I said, pushing the kiss we had shared deep into my mind, just for now. I would deal, with whatever that was, later.

“We both know that’s not true.”

That was the perfect moment to tell him about the kiss, or at least it was as good as any other chance I would have. I kissed him, and I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have. But I needed to know. I still don’t really know. 

But it was a messy thing to say, selfish as well, cause I wanted him to forget it right away and not mention it anymore. I wanted to let it out, so my mind would calm down, without having to suffer any of the consequences. 

I didn’t say anything. I let Harry lace his fingers with mine and guide me into the house until we were both in his room, and he walked to his closet to get something to sleep on. It was a shame, I had been promised that he would be naked. I quietly took my own hoodie off and stood there for a second feeling silly as I noticed I would actually have to sleep with the stupid teddy on. It was itchy, what was I thinking. 

I sat on the bed while I waited for Harry to come back, and stared at his phone as it kept buzzing off. His screen was lit up with messages, some from Jeff, some from Mitch and some from Camille. Her name popped up on the screen again and again and I felt my heart pound in my chest as the short moment of bliss slipped away from my fingers. It was so late, why would he be texting her? Had he texted her? Was that why he was naked?

Fuck.

Harry back to the room wearing only a black pair of boxer and he took his phone just as a FaceTime call came in. I pretended not to notice it was her as I lied down on the bed and he silenced it and joined me. His arms went around my waist and he pulled me close, so my  back was pressed to his warm chest and our legs were tangled between the sheets.

“Aren’t you gonna answer?” I tried to ask as casually as I could. “What if it’s important?”

“It’s not,” he mumbled, and his words rose little goosebumps down my arm as they fanned over the nape of my neck. 

“I could go to another room or you could…”

“You’re in my bed, why would I go anywhere, Sof? S’not important, I swear.”

He may be right and I may be his, but he was definitely not mine. 

He was never going to be. 

***

I had no idea what time it was, but it was probably late. It was difficult to tell cause Harry had blackouts to cover the big windows. 

I could feel the weight of Harry’s body against mine as I blindly looked for my phone, which had been buzzing somewhere on the bed for a while now. 

“Fuck,” I muttered under my breath as I squinted at the bright screen and saw Sam’s name on it. 

“Turn it off, baby,” 

“It’s Sam. He probably needs his car back.” Or was wondering why would I take it in the first place. 

“I’ll buy him a new one, just turn it off.” Harry was still more asleep than awake and he turned his face away from the light coming from the phone. I stared at the screen, biting my lip as I felt like the tears started to prick on my eyes. 

What was I supposed to tel Sam anyway? Hey, I’m sorry I kissed you and then stole your car so I could sleep in someone else’s bed? Remember I told you it was complicated? It’s really not, he loves another girl, I’m just keeping her place warm for her. I know it’s pathetic, Sammy, but I’ll take what I can get. Don’t hate me, please. I need someone that would take me back when this is over. I’ll buy us an apartment in Paris, make it worth losing my soul. I’m sorry, I definitely fucked up. 

I silenced the phone and closed my eyes as I laid back down on the bed, staring into the darkness as Harry rolled to his side again so he could hug me. I shifted, until our chest were pressed together and I nudged the tip of my nose against his jawline, pressing sweet kisses on his neck as he sleepily brushed his fingers over my waist. 

“You’re really wearing lingerie?” Harry whispered almost giddily and I wish I could see the smile on his face. “I thought it was just my dream.”

“Were you dreaming about me?”

“Yeah, I was eating your pussy and you kept screaming my name.” Even if I couldn’t see him, I could hear his smirk and a little bubble of fire lit up right by my lower tummy, pressing between my legs. I had been there, it was definitely not a dream.

“You like it when I do that?” 

“Mmmm...I can’t really remember. Maybe you should sit on my face…Freshen up my memory.”

[elisaphoenix13]

Open Home, Open Arms

Stephen's Mama Bear senses tingles before the teenagers even stepped off of the elevator. Someone was upset and he soon discovered that it was Cassie when the elevator doors opened. He would have gotten up to approach her to make sure she was okay, but Valerie was currently in his lap and eating off of his plate full of veggie sticks. It had turned into a norm for him. He would make himself a snack and sit at the table with a book while he munched, and then suddenly have a lapful of his youngest daughter so she could eat off his plate. He was just glad that she ate what she took and didn't put it back on his plate.

"Cassie? What's wrong?" The sorcerer asks and the girl bites her lip.

Peter seemed to have been comforting her as they stepped off the elevator, and when they did, that was when Stephen noticed that it wasn't just the four usual kids returning from school. Ned and MJ were visiting as well. Cassie motions to Peter that she was okay, and the spiderling hesitates before letting her walk over to Stephen while he and Harley went up to Peter's room with Ned and MJ. Diana went to her usual spot at the coffee table to do her homework and then color or watch TV when she was finished. Stephen waits patiently as Cassie sits across from him at the table and they both smile when Valerie silently offers the older girl a carrot stick, which Cassie accepts with a quiet thank you.

"I think...I think one of my friends is living on the streets." Cassie finally elaborates before taking a bite of her carrot stick.

"Do you know why?" Stephen asks gently.

"He's in the system...and he's been having trouble with the latest family he was living with. He's come to school with bruises and-"

"Where is he now?" Stephen interrupts.

Not only was Mama Bear coming out, but the doctor in him was worried about Cassie's friend. From her explanation, her friend was very likely abused to the point that he risked living on the streets than to endure another night with his foster family. He was possibly malnourished, hurt, and who knew what else and Stephen wouldn't stand for it. His deeply ingrained maternal side wouldn't allow it.

"I think in an alley near my school." Cassie says quietly and Stephen stands with Valerie.

"Cub...will you be okay if I leave you with your brothers for a few minutes?" Stephen gently asks the little girl who nods in response. "I'll be right back." He assures Cassie as he takes his youngest daughter up to Peter's room. "Watch your sister for a few minutes please."

"Sure." Peter says and Harley pulls Valerie into his lap before the boys return their attention to the Lego set Ned brought. MJ was contently reading a book on Peter's bed.

"Thank you. Diana is down in the living room. Just keep an ear out for her. I'm leaving the door open so you can."

Stephen leaves the bedroom after another affirmation from the boys and walks back down the stairs to rejoin Cassie. When she gives him an approximate location to her friend's location, the sorcerer opens a gateway and they step through to search for him. Cassie leads the way to the alleyway she last saw her friend, and when they walk a few feet into it, Stephen stops completely in his tracks.

Not because of the black-haired teenager sitting against the alley wall and visibly doing his homework...but because of the magic Stephen could sense coming off the boy in waves. Did he harm his foster parents in an attempt to defend himself and ran once he revealed his powers? Or was his previous assumption correct?

"William?" Cassie calls softly and the boy startles before looking over at them.

"Cass? What are you doing here?" He asks timidly and with some suspicion.

"I brought Mo--er...Dr. Strange. I had a feeling you needed help."

"Are you here by choice or because you have to be?" Stephen asks William.

"Choice." He admits quietly. "We couldn't handle another day there."

"We?" Both Stephen and Cassie ask simultaneously and William nods.

"My twin brother is with me...well…getting food I think."

As if on cue, another boy with platinum blonde hair passes Cassie and Stephen to stand between them and William.

"I recognize Cassie. Who's the guy?"

Stephen clears his throat. "Doctor Strange. I could give you a handful of titles I hold at home but perhaps Sorcerer Supreme is the best one at this time. I protect this reality...and I can sense William's magic." The twins look at Stephen in surprise and then at Cassie. "She'll keep your secret. For now, would you two like to come stay in the Avengers Tower with us? You'll be safe there."

The twins look at each other and then William stands up with his and his brother's belongings. "...really?"

"As long as you obey the rules. There are a couple of magic users that can help you with your magic, including myself." Stephen turns to the other boy. "Do you have any abilities?"

"I can run really fast." He shrugs.

"What's your name?" The sorcerer asks.

"Thomas. My friends call me Tommy."

Stephen nods and turns to the side to open a gateway back to the tower. He motions the three teenagers through, Cassie being the first, and once they step through, Stephen follows them and closes the gateway behind them. The twins jump when Athena growls at them from the living room, but Stephen immediately calms her.

"It's alright. They're friends." He soothes and the wolf relaxes from her defensive stance to walk to Stephen's side.

"You have a wolf for a pet?" Thomas asks.

"Yes and no. She's more of a companion." Stephen explains as he pets Athena's head. "How does pizza sound? I already have two extra teenagers to feed and I don't really feel like cooking today. You can meet everyone at dinner."

Thomas and William nod and the sorcerer asks Friday to order the usual pizza order with a couple extra before directing the twins to the living room. The moment they sit on the couch and crack open their books again, Diana looks up from her spot on the floor and studies them curiously. Stephen would bet money that she could sense the magic coming off of William as well. She doesn't ask or say anything for the time being and Cassie turns to Stephen with a sigh of relief.

"Thanks Mom."

"You're welcome. I'll have to figure out where they'll stay after breaking the news to Tony." Stephen says with a smirk and Cassie giggles.

"Good luck with that. I'll go do my homework with them."

Stephen nods and takes the stairs up to Peter's room and smiles when he opens the door and Valerie immediately reaches for him. If he didn't immediately come get her after coming back home and she found out, she would be upset. She was very much the Mama's girl that everyone claimed her to be. Stephen picks her up and thanks the boys before informing the teens about pizza being in the way, then takes Valerie back down to clean up their vegetable plate they had left behind. He could always store the remaining pieces away and eat them at a later time.

"Hey Duchess." Tony greets when he steps off the elevator and joins his spouse in the kitchen. "I have some new upgrades for your suit so I'll need your--" Tony stops in his brief rambling when he looks toward the living room and sees the new teenagers with Cassie and Diana. "Who are they?"

"William and Thomas. They'll be staying in the tower."

Tony gives him a look. "Honey...you can't adopt every kid you come across."

"They were living in an alleyway. Besides, they have powers." Stephen huffs. "I was thinking of having them stay down with Wanda and Vision if they're okay with it."

"Oh...alright. I guess I'll have Pepper bring the proper paperwork so guardianship can be given to us." Tony scratches his goatee as he thinks to himself and Stephen smiles before kissing him.

"Thank you."

Pizza came not long after and the rest of the team were called up for a mandatory dinner so they could meet the twins. To no surprise, they were welcomed with open arms and quickly treated as family, and the twins visibly relaxed. Wanda and Vision agreed to let them stay in the extra rooms on their floor, and the witch was excited to have someone to cook for. Of course she periodically cooked for the whole team, but the idea that she could just cook for a couple of people every day was appealing. She liked cooking, just not always for the entire team.

"Okay...so rules." Tony starts and both Thomas and William look up at him from their slices of pizza. "One, what Mom says...goes. Thomas, no running in the tower unless it's down on the training floor and you're careful. William, no practicing magic unless you're with Mama Bear, Wanda, or Loki." When he gets nods from the twins, he continues. "No pissing off the gods, especially Quill. It's a rule that Harley doesn't seem to follow."

Said teen blinks from his occasional glances at William and looks up at his father. "Huh?"

"Nothing. Eat your food Spudicus."

Harley grumbles at the nickname and returns to eating his dinner as Tony lists off the remaining rules to the twins. Stephen noted the glances (and at one point staring) that Harley gave William, but said nothing. He wasn't quite sure if it was infatuation or just plain curiosity yet. When dinner was eaten, Stephen had Wanda and Vision take the twins downstairs to get accommodated with the promise that he would ask Friday to order them anything they needed. He also told Thomas and William that they could come up whenever they wanted whether it was to ask Tony or Stephen a question or simply just to hang out, whether it would be with their kids or not.

Now all Stephen had to do was give them a physical, but that could wait for a little bit so they could get settled.

"You really are a Mama Bear." Tony mutters as he wraps an arm around Stephen's shoulders after they sit on the couch.

"The doctor made the decision too." The sorcerer chuckles and their kids turn on a movie.

"We should take them to the lake house sometime. Especially so Thomas can actually run around freely." Peter says and the parents nod.

"I think we're overdue for a barbeque anyway. It can be a welcome to our functioning, dysfunctional family party." Tony answers with a chuckle.

"Do not make a game out of annoying Quill." Stephen warns with a pointed look at Harley who rolls his eyes.

"It's not a game Mom. I'm just testing my potato gun. It's surprise testing!"

"No."

The oldest teen huffs. "You suck the fun out of everything."

"That's what moms do." Stephen responds with a smirk.

[pastel9girlbunny000die]

(Y/n) POV:

I never had a happy childhood as long as I can remember, not even a decent childhood memory, my mother never once care for me much less said a nice word...

my father his.. Let's just say... His never around, but when he is he used me as a personal punching bag or so.

I don't have any siblings and there's not much to say about my life.

Everyone i get closed to seems to distant themselves... when i turned out not being "worth it" ?

In the end I just got used to it.

Until...

One day the tables turned, I got into U.A the hero course.

It was pretty crazy first the USJ got attack by the Lov, then the festival after that out of the blue Katsuki demanded that I date him, then he got kidnapped by the Lov.

Thats just how crazy my life has gotten.

Present Day still (Y/n) POV:

I have been having a lot of doubt lately about katsuki, my boyfriend.

It wasn't to long ago he demanded me to date him, since than we haven't spend a lot of alone time or for that matter kissed.

"..." I sigh rolling my pen between my fingers staring blankly at my dorm room wall. "I guess it was all for show." I mumbled.

Suddenly knocking was heard on my door more like loud banging

"Oi! Extra, open up!" Katsuki's loud voice rang through my ears. I got up curiously opened the door letting the blond ash king explosion murder walk pass me.

He has an irritating look on his face?

"You know its late? I was about to sleep." I decided to go sit down next to him on the bed.

...

"So exstra, what do two people do when their in a relationship?" Katsuki question letting it sound more like a demand

My eyes widen at the little blush on his face.

A few seconds passed leaving an akwared silence.

"I don't know? I've never been in any kind of relationship at all."

"Right..." ... "What about we go get something to eat tomorrow?"

"Katsuki, why do you like me? I have nothing spacial nor do I have a amazing quirk. So why?"

"Your... Nothing tomorrow at 9 meet me at the dorm gate." Katsuki ordered walking out but stopped "and don't be late!" He growled slamming my door shut.

"What was he going to say?" I question brushing it off, laying down while falling at sleep in the process.

Who knows? I'll ask later.

Time Skip...

Its been quite some time since I started dating katsuki, its been a wild ride since that day in my room,

Its more like 5 months since he invited me out.

It all started with that one dinner and great memories, we got to know more about one and other what we like and dislike.

I learned how easy it was to handle the angry pomeranian, I also learned how good at cooking he can be and all his other talents and good morals.

But he can still be a little overprotective when it comes to me I don't really mind it as long as I can get a kiss or a hug out of it.

When the others found out I became Katsuki's girlfriend\boyfriend they where suportive but kaminari and mineta started whining about how katsuki got a lover before they did, I also had to avoid Izuku cause Katsuki literally tried to kill him the last time I talked to him.

Beside all that I really love being with katsuki he can be loving from time to time.

But its all seems too good to be true, a loving boyfriend and supportive friends. I doubt it from time to time?

Present time:

"Class dismissed." Mr.Aizawa said falling on the ground in his iconic yellow sleeping bag crawling out the door followed by some other students heading out.

"Finally, my butt feels numb." I yawned standing up from my desk

"Oi, babe wanna hang out in my room later?" Katsuki asked walking over to me with his bag hanging on his shoulder and a calm look on his face.

"Sure, katsu I'll just grab my stuff." I said in a smiling manner giving him a small pack on the cheek about to take my bag.

"Oh, hi (Y/n) Your still here, do you mind, like helping a girl out I got a few books I wanna return to the library, can you give me a hand?" Mina question holding a mountain of books.

"What the hack Mina." I fast walked over to her grabbing a few books before they where about to fall.

"Hey exstra do it yourself!" Katsuki barked at Mina who stayed unfuged by the angry yelling it's a daily thing so everyone is basically used to it by now.

"Chill down katsu, I'll be back in a minute." I winked at him walking down the hallway chatting a bit with the alien queen.

Little Time skip:

"That took longer than expected, I wonder if katsu is still there?" I mumbled to myself heading back too class.

I suddenly heard something getting knocked over, I rushed over the class room door.

The sight before me scared me shirtless.

Katski was on the floor with a girl I didn't know, maybe from another course but that wasn't the main issue they where kissing...

In the moment

I've become emotiontless because nothing can be worse than this feeling.

I feel the pain eating me up inside until I become this hollow soul of pain and nothing else, my heart broken into million pieces.

I wish I could turn back time, never agree to be this cheater girlfriend\boyfriend

I should have known, everyone the same

First mom than dad... Now katsuki their all the same, just a bunch of liars.

My tears built from deep inside and flowed down my cheeks, my tears spilled down my face like a waterfall running down from high cliff. My body started trembling compared to how messed up my mind was.

I couldn't stay here any longer, I turned running out the school while my tears spilled out my eyes.

I no longer feel like living. I can't. Its all over.

Nobody's POV:

The ash blond growled shoving the girl off him wiping his mouth off, an angry look spread on his face meaning his not very please at the moment

"You, fucken extra, touch me again and I'll kill." Katsuki barked with little explosion blasting from his palms.

"I-i Sorry!" The girl stuttered running away for her life.

"Damn, where's (Y/n)?" Katsuki mumbled taking his and his lover's bag walking out the class.

Meanwhile (Y/n) was in his\her room baling her\his eyes out wrapped up in tons of blankets.

"Hey, (Y/n) you in there?" Katsuki voice called out from the closed doors, but (Y/n) ignored him trying to block out the blonde pomeranian loud banging on the door.

Katsuki had enough he was worring and angry at his lover for making him concern that he decided to blast down the door, stepping over the broken wood he head over to (Y/n) bed.

Katsuki kneeled down in front of her\his bed thier all crawled up into a ball and pillow stuffed over thier head.

"... whats wrong?" Katsuki sighed questioning his lover who remained silent.

"I won't be able to help if you don't tell me." Katsuki said yanking the pillow off.

"You jerk, give me back my pillow!" (Y/n) said in anger trying to grab it but katsuki just throws it behind him.

"So you can talk." Katsuki smirked grabbing (Y/n) hand pulling her\him off the bed letting her\him fall onto katsuki.

"Ouch." (Y/n) mumbled realizing she\he was on katsuki (Y/n) wanted to get off immediately, but katsuki trapped her\him locking her\his waiste between his legs and holding a iron grip on (Y/n) arm and a hand holding pressing her\him against his chest.

"Now you can't get away from me, and i have your full attention. Whats wrong?" Katsuki smirked at (Y/n) but sounded worried.

"Y-you cheater!" (Y/n) yelled her\his tears dripping down her\his cheeks, the teary eyed vision of katsuki lover made him angry, no one hurts his only love and gets away alive, but it confused him more that he was called a cheater knowing fully well that he is forever committed to only (Y/n) alone.

"(Y/n) what do you mean? Cheater?"

"Don't l-lie to me I-i saw you, k-kissing that girl." (Y/n) voice cracked making it bearly hearable. Except katsuki heard every word that came out off (Y/n) mouth.

... Silence filled the room with little hiccups coming from (Y/n) where she's\he's pressing thier face into his chest trying to save little bit of the last warmth she\he might ever get from katski.

It was nice while it lasted. The words ranged over and over in (Y/n) mind, katsuki will leave her\him after he/she found out that katsuki knows that (Y/n) knows he's been cheating, than he'll go to be with his real love.

"You-" Katsuki paused with a deadly gaze in his eyes it scared the hack out of (Y\n) when she\he looked up into katsuki's eyes.

"You honestly think i'd leave you. Or fucken cheat on you?! Your my one and only bitch! Your the one and only exceptional exstra in my life, the love of my life. (Y/n) I fucken love you." The words katsuki angrly barked out touched (Y/n) deeply, who knew katsuki could actually feel, Much less love, and here (Y/n) was ready to give up on ever loving again as if katsuki would leave her\him for another.

His not like (Y/n) mother or father, katsuki cares and loves deeper than any average person.

"Bu-but you where ki-" katsuki stopped (Y/n) from finishing her\his sentance by forcing his lips onto (Y/n) lips, a innocent kiss quickly turned into a heated make out session. Katsuki and (Y/n) partened catching thier breaths, (Y/n) shyly gazed into katsuki's crisom eyes.

"I dare you to finished that sentance or ill take you right here and now."

"What happened?" (Y/n) asked wanting to know how katsuki ended up on the floor with the girl kissing him.

"That stupid exstra doesn't know how to tie her shoes, the low life tripped knocking me over landing on me and we accidentally touched." Katsuki said looking irritated.

(Y/n) didn't know how to feel, should she\he be mad or happy on one had a girl kissed her\his boyfriend and on the other hand katsuki wasn't cheating.

"Katsu, I'm sorry. I misunderstood. I-" katsuki placed his finger onto (Y/n) lips shushing her\him.

"I love you.. (Y/n) ❤" katsuki says giving (Y/n) a soft passionate loving kiss.

"I wuv you too, katsu~" (Y/n) mouned in the kiss wrapping her\his arms aroud the blonde neck letting katsuki hug her\him tighter.

In the end it was all a misunderstanding.

The end.. Haha xox

P.S sorry i couldn't stay on the only girl version & i had to rewrite the end cause it was supposed to end with (Y/n) running away never being seen by anyone again, but it was too sad, I'm a sucker for a happy ending.

[lxvesickreality]

mistakes 1/4

Request: Hi this is very long but i need to get this off my chest can i request for a Stevexreader where they are married but  its falling apart with Steve forgetting their anniversary, reader cooks dinner but he comes home late and he gets pissed at her until one time she discovers he’s cheating and she forgives him but she isn’t the same anymore. What’s worse is that she gets fatally injured and hydra kidnaps her. You can decide whether it ends in fluff or angst.THANK YOU SO MUCH

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader

Warnings: angst, swearing, talk of miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy, terrible writing

Word Count: 2,061

Add on: My computer has completely took a shit so I have been writing everything on my phone which has been really hard. I’ve had a lot of family issues but hopefully I can get to writing some more. 

Add on number two: This is a little different than what requested, just a little. Part two is already in the works. 

gif is NOT mine, credits to owners

Steve Roger's married Y/N L/N out of love and being only 2 years ago when he did, he still loves her with every fiber of his heart and soul, hur he did something he knew would break her entirely. Steve didn't want that-his actions and words said otherwise though. The first time he did it was an honest mistake; he was reeling from the argument he had with Y/N and it was a really bad one so he went to let off some steam at the gym with a tall bottle of cheap whiskey to take the edge off. She came at the wrong time, she took advantage of his vulnerability and his drunken state. That was his strategy, to blame everything on her; she did initiate the first kiss between them. His brain was foggy and his vision was blurry from the amount of alcohol he'd previously consumed. Their actions did not go far before Steve was already pushing her away. He had realized what he had done and how it wasn't right. All he did was get a little carried away.

The second time was in fact her fault. Desperate for his affection that should be directed towards his wife, Sharon had climbed on his lap with lips puckered and had her bosom popping out from her tight fitting tank top, the one usually wore on missions to seduce targets, she purposely wore to seduce Steve instead. Y/N had gone to the bathroom when Sharon did this to Steve and it made him uncomfortable to ever be alone with her but since the first incident, he felt extremely guilty even looking at her so he tried to keep his distance.

The third time it happened, Steve refused to admit it was his fault but he showed up on Sharon’s doorstep demanding to be with her. Something was off with Y/N and he believed his wife was seeing someone behind his back. He decided not to confront her and to get back at her instead. Some might say he was looking for an excuse to be with Sharon. She was more than welcome to lead Steve into her room where he touched every part of the woman’s body with his fingers, palms of his hands, his lips, his tongue and the part he shouldn’t have ever let happen; his member that was happy to get attention from someone new. He was guilty, he has been all along.

He stuck with his strategy through the next few months. Y/N became distant and cold to Steve leaving him alone and confused as to why she was doing this. He knew for sure she has no idea he had cheated and he planned to keep it that way because even if she did cheat, he still couldn’t tell her he did it too so he started staying late at work after he had enough of not feeling wanted at the place he called home and the guilt was following him everywhere he went. Of course this did not go unnoticed by Y/N, she took note of every time he did it and her heart slowly went piece by piece the more he did. Their anniversary of their marriage was around the corner and Y/N knew she had to tell him at some point as to why she was so distant and cold. He deserved to know. She cooked him his favorite meal and that’s when it turned to hell.

Y/N messaged Steve around 4:15pm to let him know she was making dinner and not be home late so she wouldn’t have to put it in the microwave for it to grow cold with time. She didn’t get a response back but at 4:55pm, she began preparing the meal slowly to give him some time to reply. Not too long after, she finished and she set everything out; candles surrounding the table; wine poured into two glasses; his favorite meal set on a plate; the card reading “Happy Anniversary!”; and the reason why she was cold and distant inside the card. Y/N sat there for many hours, awaiting for her husband’s arrival and it was very late by the time he entered their home.

“Where were you?” Y/N questioned when he strolled into the open concept involving the kitchen and dining room. Steve jumped back, startled by the voice of his wife. He would’ve thought she went to bed.

“I had some work to catch up on,” was all he replied with.

His wife rolled her eyes at the response and scoffed, “Sure, and I wrote an entire book on why pigs can fly. Cut the shit, Steve. You’ve been coming home late the past few weeks. You have not had that much work to do,”

“I have and quite frankly, it’s none of your business.”

“Are you serious? I’m your wife, Steve.” said Y/N. Steve took the now room temperature wine off the table and downed it. “There is no way you were at work catching up on stuff when you haven’t had a mission since the one a month ago and no one is targeting the world right now. Cut the shit, Steve! What is going on?”

“I cheated on you, Y/N! I cheated and I feel guilty but you know what, you did it first! So, none of it really was my fault at all.” there was nothing Steve could've done to take back what he said because Y/N's heart and soul broke just like he said it would. It hurt like hell to see the look on her face when he realized he'd used that as an excuse to see Sharon. At first, before he did it, he wanted to ask Y/N to see if it was true. Deep down, he didn't think she could do it. Y/N didn't have the heart to do so.

Y/N stuttered, taken aback by the turn of events, "Y-you what?" tears pricked her e/c eyes as it slowly dawned on her, her husband had been unfaithful to her and all she ever did was love him. Was she that distant and cold to turn him away? Did she do this? Did she drive him away? The first thought wasn't why he did it, she instantly turned to herself and blamed herself. It was her who did caused it. "I-I never cheated on you, Steve."

"Why have you been so distant? You barely would look at me. You slept clear on the other side of the bed. Every time you got dressed, you'd go into the bathroom. I'm married to you, Y/N! I've seen your body thousands of times. We're in love and you can't even look me in the eyes? What the hell, Y/N,"

"I hadn't been feeling well and I was concerned. I hid it from you because I didn't want you to be concerned yourself so I started to distance myself. I got worse and I went to the doctor. He said I was pregnant and it wasn't normal. It was an Ectopic pregnancy in which the fetus is in the wrong place, one it shouldn't be in. You had to leave for a few days because of the one mission from a month ago so I was going to have it taken care of but I fainted at work and they rushed me to the emergency room. They had to cut out a fallopian tube, Steve. I had surgery and I distanced myself to heal." Y/N stopped talking when she noticed the look on Steve's face. She could tell the guilt caught up to him and it made her feel a little better, but not enough. She gave him a few moments to process the information she gave him.

Steve was astounded. He didn't expect this answer to come from his wife, his wife that should've talked to him about this instead of holding it in. But he never gave her chance because he set about to stay at work late. He couldn't pin point which emotion he was feeling the worst but guilt was a pretty big one along with despair. Could she have any more kids? He doubted she'd want to after he told her about his adultery.

"Can you have any more kids? Can-can we?"

"The doctor said it'd be really hard to conceive but I could try. I still have one fallopian tube left." Y/N answered.

"At least you can accomplish your dream of being a mom,"

It became silent afterwards, a deafening silence that had so many emotions in it but it didn't feel awkward. It felt like a processing silence in a way. Y/N was still letting it sink in about her husband cheating on her. Was she that distant to the point where he shifted towards someone else. Wait, who was it, she thought.

"Who'd you cheat on me with?"

Steve's head snapped up after looking down during the silence and he winced from the stiffness in his neck. His heart raced, "Sharon,"

"Sharon Carter? Seriously, Steve? You still love Peggy, don't you? God, I'll never live up to her. Ever! It's always going to be her. Pretty perfect miss Carter. Now, it's Sharon. I'm nowhere near being those girls. I'm the polar opposite. Shit, I'm really not good enough for you. How did I not see this?" as Y/N rambled on about how she wasn't good enough, Steve was tearing up at the cracks in her voice indicating she was crying as well. He broke her just like he knew he would. He made her think she wasn't enough, he did this and she didn't.

He shouldn’t have told her who it was with and if he was being honest, he didn’t think of Peggy at all. It was an honest surprise because he pined over her for so long, Peggy was his true love to him or that was until he met Y/N L/N. She was so much more magnificent than Peggy, she was beautiful and smart. She knew what she wanted at all times; she was brave; she was so generous and selfless. Y/N put everyone and everything above her and Steve took all of that for granted. His wife didn’t deserve any of this, he was putting a lot of pain on her and add ten more pounds to her shoulders because of him being unloyal. Steve’s stomach was tightening and it felt like he had been punched in the gut, he felt as if he needed to throw up. It was guilt.

Only a few months ago did they purchase this house, they redid the whole house in the way they wanted it to make it feel like home. They talked about having kids, specifically three kids; two boys, one girl. It was perfect because Steve could name one boy after his best friend and Y/N could name the girl after her mother that passed four years ago. Steve and Y/N planned their future together up until death do they part but now he ruined that all with just one petty woman.

"Y/N, I'm so sorry," Steve apologized.

There was a fire in his wife's eyes suddenly and she yelled, something she rarely does, "You're sorry? You're freaking sorry? Is that all you fucking got, Steve? No 'I didn't know what I was thinking' or 'it was a mistake'? All you have to say is I'm fucking sorry! I-I need you to get the hell out, Steve. Now, please,"

His heart was breaking in a million pieces, heartbreak being something he hadn't felt since Peggy passed away, but this was different. This was strong, intense heartbreak that made his chest clench and he thought his heart stopped beating for a moment. Everything seemed to stop in place after she said that because everything went silent. There were no more tears falling from her e/c eyes, the ones that now look dull and sad, she was just staring at the wall behind him. Neither wanted to make the first move, but he knew he should leave so with a heavy heart, he began to walk towards the front door of their now torn home leaving his wife.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #324

“i'll sharpen my knife upon the stone made from the ruin of a dead god's throne  /  listen to these words as my seeds are sown: it's time to amputate the infected zone”

What is the last game you played on your phone? Pokemon GO. Do you give people personalized ringtones? No. Does your phone screen have any cracks? No. What makeup products are you wearing, if any? None. How would you describe your skin tone? Very pale. Do you have your full birth name on Facebook? Yes. What is your least favorite fruit? Probably cherries. How often do you walk around barefoot? Whenever I'm in my house or another person's who prefers shoes off inside. Would you need to sleep with someone before considering marrying them? Nah. Do you think people look up to you? No. How often do you have trouble sleeping at night? Every night. Do you ever rehearse conversations before you have them? YEP. In my head, at least. Can you name five current world leaders? No, haha... When taking a cab, do you talk to the driver? Cabs aren't really a thing here. I've never been in one. Do you always read the book before you see a movie based on a book? No. What is your favorite urban legend? The Jersey Devil. Mothman is dope and super creepy, too. I love cryptids, period. Are you an elitist (even a little bit) when it comes to anything? What? No, because I hate people like that so much. What type of fabric is most comfortable for clothing? I dunno, I don't pay attention to this. If you wear one – bras with or without a wire? With, so long as they're not poking out and stabbing you... If you wear one – are you able to find cute bras in your size? Definitely not. What length do you like your shorts to be? You'd have to pay me some big bucks to see me in shorts, period. Have you ever cut off jeans or other pants and made them into shorts? No. Have you cut the sleeves out of T-shirts to make tank tops? I don't think so, no. What was the last disappointing movie you saw? *shrug* What was the last disappointing book you read? Even bigger *shrug*. Do you ever watch compilation videos? Of what? Rarely, but if I do, they're generally old Vines and stuff. What was the last thing you rolled your eyes about? Probably something stupid on Facebook. Do you like Hellboy? If so, do you prefer the old movies or the new one? I have no thoughts on this. Favorite Disney character who isn’t royalty? Dory! Do you have a lot of people whom you don’t talk to all the time or see all the time, but still consider to be your friends? Yeah, like friends from high school and online childhood ones. Do you typically do your make up the same each time? Or do you like to change it up often? It's just about always the same. Do you enjoy making surveys as well as taking them or do you just prefer to copy, paste, fill out, post? The latter. I don't make surveys. Have you got a significant other? How are things between the two of you? If not, what was your most meaningful/long term relationship and how did that come to an end? I don't. My longest and deepest relationship was with Jason, and he ended it when my depression became too much for him to handle. Have you spent much time in a vehicle lately? What for and where have you gone most this past month? No. I've barely left the house lately for obvious reasons. Has it rained yet this year where you live? How about hailed? It's been raining like crazy lately. A few mornings ago, it also hailed very heavily for a few minutes. What is your favorite thing about Mac computers? I like the sleek, clean look of them. What is your favorite thing about PCs? They have more power for playing games. What are some errands you need to run soon? None. Well, we have a Wal-Mart order to pick up I think tomorrow, and I'll probably ride with Mom. What color was your high school graduation gown? Red. It was between that and navy, and I was really hoping for the latter, but it lost the vote. The red was so obnoxious. How many graduation gowns have you worn? One. Are your parents’ dreams for your life different than your own? I don't think they have their own specific "dreams" for my life. They both want me to create my own future that makes me happy. Have your dreams for your life changed? Definitely, over all the years. Would you ever want to learn sign language? Not especially, but it'd be cool I suppose. What’s the last thing you had for dinner? Chicken tenders, I think? Or was that the night before? Have you ever performed a solo dance in front of a crowd? No, but I almost did. At my old dance studio, the high school seniors had the option to a solo, and I was working on one to "Coma White" by Marilyn Manson, because it was and still is a song I really feel in regards to my mental health and many medications I "have" to be on. I was doing fine, but I stopped when I realized I just really was too nervous as a dance competition approached. Have you ever sung a solo? No. What was the last job you had? Deli worker. For two hours. What was your first job? Sales associate at GameStop. Who was/were your favorite coworker(s)? I never really had one. At what age did you start experiencing sexual attraction, if any? I don't know. Probably my freshman year of high school is when my levels of attraction to people reached a sexual and not just romantic level. Have you ever split open a rock with a hammer, to see a geode inside? UGH no, but I so wanna find one of those one day. What states have you lived in? Only North Carolina. S.O.S., get me outta here. What is your favorite thing about the month in which it is now? You start to see some flowers blooming. Who were your best friends in high school? I had a decent group of close friends, but I was closest to Hannia. I wish I still had contact with her. ^Are they still your best friends now? No. She deleted me off Facebook at some point. Do you live near the mountains? No; they're on the western end of the state, and I live on the opposite side. Do you live near a beach? It's about two hours away. What is your favorite beach that you’ve been to? I don't have a fave. Do you collect seashells? Nah, but I like picking them up and looking at them. My sisters and I used to collect them, though. We have a plastic container of them somewhere. If you were to start a new collection, what would it be? I desperately want a cornucopia of Markiplier merch, sobs. Is there a certain place or store you especially hate going to? I don't like going to most stores, really. I'm an online shopper. When was the last time you made plans with someone? October of last year. How long do leftovers usually sit in your fridge? Depends on the food. They tend to stay in there a bit too long, though. What is something you do for other people that shows you care for them? Offer to listen to them and always be a source of support and love. What was the last animal/pet that you met? Kinda recently, someone in our neighborhood was walking their German shepherd, and Mom chatted with the lady for a bit while I listened. Is there anyone in your life with whom your opinion changes on frequently? No. Have you ever kept a journal? Do you currently keep one? Yes, on-and-off during multiple periods of my life. These surveys are like my journals now. Is there a certain song or band who remind you of specific people? Yep. Motionless In White and Black Veil Brides, Jason. Pink Floyd and Evanescence, Sara. Metallica, Mom. Van Halen, Dad. Etc., etc. How often do you style your hair differently from how you normally style it? Never. Have you ever found out that you have been sleep walking? No, I never have. What’s the last thing you promised yourself? I don't know about promised. I take those so seriously, even to myself, that I hesitate to make them. Have you ever tried making something from one of those short cooking videos? How did it turn out? No, but my friend once tried making that "muffin in a cup" thing and it was absolutely horrid. Very eggy. When was the last time you had to wait in line for longer than a few minutes? Good question. Going into places is so rare nowadays, so it's hard to encounter this issue. Well wait, maybe at a fast food place? Idr. Have you ever written a review for a product you bought online? No, but I should do that once I actually use my own money to buy from small businesses in particular... if I had something good to say, anyway. I'd feel bad trash-talking a product. Do you ever interact with any brands/companies online? No. Is there anything you seem especially sensitive to, such as sounds, smells, etc? Smells, yes. What was the last thing you had the urge to do? Read, even though I didn't do it. .-. Is there anyone you feel that takes you for granted? No. Do you ever read the comments on social media posts? Sometimes, particularly if I have strong feelings about something. What was the last “good” thing to happen to you? My PHP therapist felt confident enough in my progress to step me down to three sessions a week versus every weekday. Last awkward situation you were in? Thankfully it was a one-on-one session, but the same aforementioned therapist was asking me questions that really stumped me, so I kept going very quiet as I thought and felt awkward and dumb. He's brilliant at his job. Think of the last time you were sick – what were you sick with? I think the last issue I had that qualifies as "sick" was a double ear infection from Hell itself. That was like two years ago. How do you think your life would change without social media? I'd be incredibly bored, but I, among I think most others, would be more positive and have a more realistic outlook on life. Social media highlights the best times in our life, and I do feel that that has had a negative effect on pretty much everyone. I don't at all believe social media is bad in essence, though. It's a wonderful way to stay connected. What was the last thing you wanted to buy, but couldn’t afford? I can't afford a new terrarium for Venus for probably a while, being without a job and all... How do you get your news? Facebook, haha. How often do you drive? Never, right now. My permit is long expired, and my vision isn't up to par to renew it. If you had to go (back) to school and completely change your career path, what would you choose to study/pursue? I guess biology? Are there any TV shows you constantly quote or know almost every line to? No. What do you think about lizards? I adore lizards; they're all so cute, big or small, and truly little dinosaurs. They're beautiful and so vast in appearances and behavior. Is there anything that people assume about you that isn’t true, and that you find very irritating? Not that I find irritating, no. How would you rate your “detective” skills? Uh, what am I "detecting?" I'm pretty good at digging online if I'm really hunting something down, I guess. Have you ever done consumer testing (testing products before they come out on the market)? If not, would you ever want to? No; I wouldn't be opposed, depending on the product. Have you ever received anesthesia or morphine? Both. The one time (I'm aware of) where I had morphine oddly enough did jack-all, though. If you had to choose which video game to be in, which would it be? Hmmm. Maybe like, Shadow of the Colossus, living in the beautiful garden on the top of the shrine? With the deer, the birds, fruit, just its general beauty... That would be awesome, especially with one other person, especially an s/o. Just the two of us in a gorgeous land. Between the two, would you rather live in a place where it’s only night or where it’s only day? Only day, I suppose. Vitamin D is very important, for one thing, and it always being dark would definitely affect my depression. And what about the flowers blooming and being able to take pictures? :( Sleep would still be possible by just closing your shades and stuff. Is there anyone that makes your skin crawl? Maggots, bot flies, parasites, patterns of small holes, etc. Do you like it when people are affectionate with you? Yes. If we're at least friends, anyway. I'm a very affectionate person. Have the past few days been bad, good, or neutral? They've been pretty all right. If you had to be an actor/actress in a movie, what genre of the movie would you be best at? Probably as an insane villain in a superhero movie or something. Are people more likely to tell you to tone it down or to speak up? Speak up. I'm a mumbler. I can be too loud sometimes too, though, particularly when I'm excited. What’s the last thing that you procrastinated? Now. Emerson's birthday was last month and I still haven't touched her pictures... Out of fire, earth, water, wind, light, and dark, which element appeals the most to you? Dark. What’s your favorite color on a vehicle? Burnt orange, pink. The last pain that you experienced, was it physical or emotional? Physical. What was one of your favorite songs as kid? I liked lots of pop songs. When’s the last time you tried to get revenge, if ever? Never. It's not something I chase after. Do you like Taylor Swift? No. What’s your favorite Disney Channel movie? The Haunted Mansion, I think. That's a Disney movie, isn't it? If you met your favorite celebrity, would you be calm or star struck? I'd be a deer in headlights, stuttering and stammering over ways to thank him and crying like a bitch. I'd be super embarrassed, but I absolutely hope I get to meet him one day. Do you ever have to do yard work? No. Is your school close to your house? I'm no longer in school. Do you have any live versions of songs in your music software? Yes. Did/do you listen to Britney Spears songs? Yeah, I like her. What shorthand do you use the most? Probably "lmao." What album is the current song you’re listening to off of? METAWAR. In your opinion, what song is the most overplayed right now? I wouldn't know; I don't listen to the radio. Are you in a band? No. When I started high school though, I wished I could be a guitarist in one. That's one reason I started taking lessons, haha. Does your favorite band have a male or female lead singer? Male. Have you ever been to a Broadway show? No. Do you prefer group or individual work? Individual, by a long shot. I work much better alone. Could you ever complete a 500-piece puzzle? I think I have before. I used to love puzzles. When was the last time you rode in a limo? Damn son, never; what could possibly give you the idea I could afford to ever do THAT????? Do you take naps daily? Almost every day, yes. Do you still make Christmas lists? Yeah, because I'm asked to. Do you watch the show Dexter? Never seen it, no. Are you currently using a blanket? Yes. My feet are cold. How long is the song you’re listening to? 4:06. Is your mom or dad the older parent? Mom, but only by a year. Did you ever listen to Avril Lavigne when you were younger? Who didn't? I still listen to a couple songs. When was the last time you changed a light bulb? Not all that long ago when Venus' lamp bulb died. How often do you clean your car out? I don't have my own car. Did you ever buy NOW ("Now That’s What I Call Music") CDs? My older sister did, yes. What color (mainly) is your computer? It's black. What is in the back seat of your car right now? In Mom's car, idk. But there's usually some stuff back there. What is your favorite episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S.? Never watched it. Last person’s house you were in? Besides my own, my older sister's. Who is the last person you sent a message to on Facebook? My friend Chelsea. We were catching up. Were you an honor roll student in school? Yes. Do you have a tan? HA. Are you someone’s best friend? Yes. <3 What do you think of when you think of Australia? Huntsmen spiders. *shudders* Favorite gemstone? Of the basic ones, rubies. If we're talking of all of them, even the obscure, then dragon's breath opal. I'd LOVE to have a ring of one of those. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? Almost always the drive-thru. What color is your mom’s hair? It's all gray now. Does your first memory involve your dad? No. Biggest annoyance in your life right this minute? My social anxiety. Do you like watching a bonfire? Yeah. Fire is mesmerizing. Do you ever get flu shots? No, but I really should. Once the Covid vaccine is accessible to all though, I'm getting it for the protection of my immunocompromised mother.

[eclecticlanie]

Child Spirit claps back!

OK! SOOOO. A little back story first. I left my first husband 10 years ago. I left EVERYTHING with him except my daughter. I use to write novels (never published), songs, poems, draw all sorts of artwork, and my clothes were my life (I was particular about my fashion choices). I left everything: books, original artworks, basically my soul and identity. When I left I did not write or do any art ever again. I had to focus on being a first time mother, go to work full time, and school full time. I had a new identity that left no time or room for who I was from that day forward.

 My Hubs (2nd husband) produces Drum and Bass music and has since he was a teen. I support and help him as much as I can doing whatever I can (singing, speaking, picking out sounds, synths, etc; telling him to remove certain things that don’t work well, so on so forth). He has always taken music seriously and wanted to go much further than he has with it in the past but has held himself back due to fears of being in public eyes and what the media could do to him. Understandable. 

We decided recently to go for it-to take this to the next level if we could. In this process, Hubs decides I need to unpack that 10 years of exiling my talents. He bought me a notebook and now hounds me to speak to him so he can write or have me write my own songs and poems again. I say hounds but really he is trying to inspire me and find me a muse, there is no true negative connotation on it. I am just naturally pessimistic. Hubs is most definitely an optimist and before anyone asks, yes, sometimes it makes me sick (figuratively). In reality we balance each other extremely well. I never have had a more healthy relationship with anyone other than my mother in my life with the exception being Hubs. He is my everything, next to our kids. 

So that brings us to today. We, Hubs and I, are in the kitchen. I am cooking ground beef to make tacos on the stove. We were talking about how I don’t like my voice on recording but I do like it raw and natural and how I don’t understand why I feel I sound different on recording versus not recording. I then decide we need to discuss what we want to change and not to change if we happen to go next level with this music endeavor. As I leave the stove and go into the fridge (literally the fridge is next to the stove so it is only one step away) to make a glass of soda, I ask, “If we do go next level what do we want to stay the same and what do we want to have change?”

I turn around with the soda bottle in hand to go to the counter where my glass is waiting and Hubs is standing. I see a child standing next to him that isn’t mine with sandy brown or sandy blonde hair down to its cheeks. I’m not entirely sure which would better describe the kids hair. I assume it’s a non-binary child right off the bat. This child scares the shit out of me. It was not there prior to this moment. I never have seen this child before in my life and it is standing next to Hubs. I let out a short loud scream upon seeing this child and at this exact moment the child swings it’s hand and hits my Hubs glass of soda out of his own hands. The glass went up then hit the floor. It did not shatter, break, or crack. It was in one piece. Soda was on my upper and lower cabinets, on the floor and the side of the stove. The child was gone. Vanished. 

“What was that?” Hubs looked at me. 

“I don’t know why i screamed like that.” I tried to rationalize with myself, “It was a child.”

I pour myself a glass of soda and go back to cooking. Hubs and I discuss what just happened and didn’t continue the previous conversation we were trying to have about our possible future. We agree to invite the ghost upstairs to have a conversation via tarot after we eat dinner. Tacos took maybe another 3 minutes to cook and construct. We ate at the stove and the kids ate at the dining table. So a whole ten minutes maybe passed before we ran upstairs and grabbed my Nightmare Before Christmas Tarot Deck, pendulum, and pendulum board. 

I’m sitting on the bed and my back is killing me. This spirit is sucking my energy to stay present so I can receive it’s message. I start shuffling and right out of the gate cards are spilling.

The first five:

1. XIX The Sun: 

Directly from the guidebook: 

“When cloudy skies pass, the sun comes out, shining warmth and happiness on everyone’s lives. The excitement, renewed energy, and joy Jack experiences when he discovers Christmas Town perfectly embody the energy of the Sun tarot card. 

Upright: If you’ve been sad or troubled lately, the Sun is a sign you’re about to feel a very positive shift in your life. Use this rejuvenating energy to reconnect with good friends and enjoy yourself. There’s so much enthusiasm in this tarot card. It signifies a powerful time for inspired brainstorming.” 

Interpretation: I believe this represents both the child I seen and the situation. The child had no ill or negative feeling. It was a joyful and happy child. As for the situation, the Sun is calling me out on how I’m very negative and down on myself and that positive things are happening in my life. I need to start removing myself from being pessimistic and join ‘Team Optimistic’ by following through and doing as my Hubs has been pushing me to do. 

2. XVIII The Moon (Reversed):

Directly from the guidebook:

“Moonlight illuminates Jack in the graveyard as he reflects on his feelings. The moon represents a great lament, the subconscious, and intuition.”

“Reversed: In order to move forward, you need to be honest about your feelings, with yourself and others. Expressing yourself will life a weight off your chest and get you out of a melancholy headspace. The Sun is about to come out, and a new day will bring new possibilities.” 

Interpretation: I was in the process of expressing my feelings on my voice right before the glass was thrown. I was being negative and hurtful to myself. The child did not like it and that is why they hit the glass to gain attention and to give me this message thus “the sun is about to come out”. I will be enlightened by the other side as to their feelings rather than focus on my own. 

3. X of Needles:

Directly from the guidebook:

“Upright: X of Needles indicates something is coming to a painful ending. Whether this refers to a friendship, relationship, project, or job, you may be left with heavy emotions. Give yourself time to grieve, but trust that it’s for the best. Fresh beginnings are ahead!”

Interpretation: The 10 years I am unpacking is the means to an end. The hurt will end. I’ve hurt myself enough. My talents no longer need to be buried and not used. They are valid and need to be expressed. They will bleed and feel rushed because the flood gates are now open.

4. Queen of Needles:

Directly from the guidebook: 

“Upright: The Queen of Needles is intelligent, intellectual, and sensible. She takes time to make up her own mind and isn’t easily swayed by trends, fads, or popular opinion. Fair and practical, the Queen of Needles shouldn’t be underestimated. This card is a call to remember how strong you really are.” 

Interpretation: The child is 

5. III of Needles (Reversed): 

Directly from the guidebook:

“Reversed: III of Needles reversed symbolizes coming to terms with the past It’s time to pluck the needles out of your heart, and let it heal. Nurse your wounds and go forward.”

Interpretation: I need to let myself move forward and not punish myself. I need to allow my gifts to thrive and be of use in my life. 

I decided to use the Pendulum board a little bit to confirm everything I had seen. I asked the spirit if I was correct with the sandy brown-blonde hair color. The pendulum swung ‘yes’. I continued, “Definitely not a red head then.” The crystal swung ‘no.’ “Is there more you want to tell me?” ‘Yes.’ I picked up the cards and started shuffling again. Five more cards popped out. 

6. IX The Hermit:

Directly from the guidebook:

“The Hermit is a thoughtful, introverted figure who likes to spend his time ruminating alone--like the Creature Under the Stairs.

Upright: Now’s the time to get inspired by example and withdraw for some quiet alone time. The Hermit calls for reflection, so do a bit of soul-searching. Consider your current position, goals, and dreams. Remember your past, and learn from it so you can bring those lessons with you into a successful future.”

Interpretation: The child wants me to really look deep into myself and accept who I am. 

7. III The Empress (Reversed):

Directly from the guidebook:

“The Empress is a maternal, nurturing figure who enjoys self-indulgence and life’s creature comforts. Our Empress is the Corpse Mom, who is often seen leading her child on a leash.”

“Reversed: Are you being too hard on yourself? You may have been feeling self-critical lately, but beating yourself up about perceived failures and flaws won’t help. Be patient, and give yourself room to make mistakes--they’re learning opportunities.”

Interpretation: I couldn’t have interpreted this card any other way than as they described. I needed to stop bullying myself. The child seemed very adamant with this message.

8. IX of Needles (Reversed):

Directly from the guidebook:

“Reversed: Has your confidence been dealt a blow recently? If you’re feeling low, you may be your own biggest bully. Start focusing on your positive qualities instead of fixating on your perceived negative ones. A shift in perspective is what’s needed to get you out of despair.”

Interpretation: Again, I couldn’t have interpreted this card any differently. I need to get my head out of my ass.

9. VI of Needles:

Directly from the guidebook:

“VI of Needles usually indicates you’ve been through a difficult time. Have you recently been in conflict with someone or experienced an unexpected setback? It’s time to pick up the pieces and get on track again.”

Interpretation: I need to make peace with myself, pick up the pieces I left behind and put them where they belong in my life-not outside of it.

10. Queen of Candles (Reversed):

Directly from the guidebook: 

“Reversed: The reversed Queen of Candles lacks self-confidence. Have you been giving too much attention to the opinions of others? Don’t stifle your ideas and lose your voice. Make time for a bit of soul-searching, and express yourself. Don’t worry what others may think. You have so much to offer!”

Interpretation: Another hard one! All jokes aside, this child couldn’t have been more direct. I need to keep my opinion on myself out of the picture. I need to use my voice-literally. I need to see the value in me and gain confidence. 

I then started telling the spirit I really understood the first time around about their message. Hubs is half laughing at me that I got called out by a child ghost. I continue to state out loud that I understand I need to be nicer to myself and use my talents with the focus of the future in mind. I also state that my back is really starting to kill me and that i would like it to leave if it had nothing more to say. I start shuffling and what do you know... Five more cards...

11. XIIII Death (Reversed):

Directly from the guidebook: 

“Death is often a feared tarot card, but that’s just because its misunderstood. It’s a card of transformation and transition-beginnings and endings. Like the creaky, old gates in Halloween Town’s cemetery, the Death tarot card is a spooky symbol of change and transformation.”

“Reversed: Are you putting off a life-changing decision? Resisting change is impossible and will only cause harm in the long run. Letting go of the familiar can be tough, but trust that accepting transition will make way for positive, fresh beginnings.”

Interpretation: Clearly a change is coming. Whether it be my attitude about myself or how I manage my mental health? Only time will tell. 

12. IV of Needles (Reversed):

Directly from the guidebook:

“Reversed: Here, the restful energy of the IV of Needles card becomes static. Are you feeling stuck? Have you reached a plateau? It’s important to shake yourself out of your routine. When you take a different perspective, you’ll see you have all kinds of opportunities around you.”

Interpretation: I need to look outside of the box when I think about myself.

13. XIV Temperance (Reversed):

Directly from the guidebook:

“Like pouring magical potions into a cauldron, Temperance represents the act of combining different elements together in perfect harmony.”

“Reversed: If life is feeling hectic, it’s time to bring things back into balance. Pay attention to areas of your life that may be a little neglected. The recipe for success requires a pinch of self-reflection and a dash of Temperance. stir thoroughly, and enjoy.”

Interpretation: I need to balance my negativity with positivity. 

14. IV of Candles:

Directly from the guidebook:

“IV of Candles represents celebration. People are recognizing your accomplishments! You’re feeling stable, secure, and comfortable. Be proud of yourself and enjoy the attention, but remember there is still work to be done when the party’s over.”

Interpretation: Although, at our current status as a family, we are successful and doing decent for ourselves but, individually, we can always work and build our characters. 

15. III of Presents (Reversed): 

Directly from the guidebook:

“Reversed: Reversed, III of Presents represents an imbalance within a professional or financial collaboration. If you’re working with others on a project, make sure everyone’s doing their part. Disaster strikes when things become inequitable. Prioritizing teamwork will get you where you want to go.”

Interpretation: I need to be more open about my thoughts, opinions, hopes, fears, etc towards Hubs on this new adventure. 

With this I felt a lot of my back pain let up. I started to slip the cards back into the deck and shuffle them again just to give them an after reading cleanse. Hubs randomly states he was thinking about splurging on a cyber whip rave toy and then another two cards popped out. 

16. XX Judgement:

Directly from guidebook:

“We all have pivotal decisions to make in our lives. Will yours land you on the naughty list or the nice list?

Upright: Now isn’t the time to be hasty and impulsive. Consider your actions and choices carefully, and take time to think things through. Remember that all actions have reactions. Be sensible, and stay true to your conscience.”

Interpretation: The Childs leaving statement is to be mindful as well as ‘you do you’. Apparently, Party time is not on its list of things to do. I may have taken this a little condescendingly. This ghost doesn’t like to have fun. 

17. IV of Presents (Reversed):

Directly from the guidebook:

“Reversed: Is your relationship with money healthy? Is it getting you where you want to go? If not, it may be time to look over your budget and reevaluate your priorities. Make sure you’re not spending frivolously if your cash flow can’t support it right now.”

Interpretation: The spirit child was telling us to maybe not go out and buy a light up whip to dance with. No parties for you! Well... In our house, raves will persevere! GLOW STICKS OUT! RAVE ON! 

[sorceress-coffee]

Recipe for Disaster

AO3 Link

River’s P.O.V.

During Strickler’s class, I was trying to focus. Every time I glanced at Stickler; all I could see was Bular’s sneer after calling Jim ‘Young Atlas’ the night before. Strickler was a Changeling, and we couldn’t assume how much he knew of us. During the lecture, I could feel Eemeli’s gaze burning the side of my face. Sighing I finally turned to him.

 “What’s wrong?” I asked, trying to relax. Finding it hard whenever Strickler walked near my desk.

 Eemeli shrugged, glancing at Strickler’s back when he passed us. “You’re tense, I can hear your spine creaking.” He joked, trying to diffuse the tension.

 Frowning, my eyes trailed after Strickler, keeping my voice down as Eemeli and I spoke. “We found out something yesterday, it’s… well, I don’t know how to feel about it. Everyone else seems to have made up their minds on the situation.” I explained trying to keep it vague, wanting to keep Eemeli out of our Trollhunting activities. He may know about Trolls now, but that didn’t mean he had to put himself in danger for our fight.

 “It has something to do with Strickler?” He asked, going back to his notes whenever Strickler faced the students to talk. “You look torn.”

 I frowned at my notes when Eemeli pointed it out. “I’ve known Strickler for four years, he’s been a history teacher here for… well forever. After yesterday though, it sounds as if he’s working for someone interested in hurting Trolls and humans alike. I just can’t imagine Strickler would do that?” I explained, skipping over the Changeling part.

 Eemeli studied me until the bell rang. Quickly packing his notes away, turning to face me. “Have you tried asking him about whatever it is you’re worried about?” He asked, stiffening as Strickler stopped behind me.

 I turned quickly to face Strickler, smiling timidly. “Mr. Stickler sir, is everything alright?” I asked, hoping my nerves didn’t show through.

 Strickler paused, frowning in thought, “No, actually, I wanted to speak with you for a moment Young Mordred.” He glanced back at Eemeli. “Alone if you prefer.” He suggested.

 I glanced over my shoulder, realizing Eemeli and I were the only students left in class. Turning back to Strickler, I shrugged smiling at him, “That’s alright, Eemeli’s a friend, I don’t mind him staying.”

 Strickler hummed, giving a quick nod, he leaned back against a desk, playing with his pen. “I was hoping things wouldn’t become awkward between us in light of recent events.” He stated, watching me for a reaction.

 My eyes widened, wondering if ‘recent events’ meant knowing he was a Changeling. “I’m sorry sir, I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about,” I told him, needing clarification.

 Stickler smiled, setting his pen down. “Your mother has invited me to dinner, and I graciously accepted. It seems I will be seeing you tonight. Would that make things awkward?” He asked, gesturing to the classroom.

 “Oh,” I said, tilting my head in thought, “I don’t see why that would be an issue, sir. Does Jim know you’re coming over tonight? Trust me, you’ll want him to be the one cooking. Mom’s is fatal to humans.” I joked, trying to act like everything was normal, not realizing I had gone stiff again.

 Strickler chuckled at the joke, nodding. “I have informed Young Atlas as well. He seemed a little on edge, though after what you’ve told me, he is probably just worried that your mother will try to cook for tonight.” He smiled.

 Eemeli cleared his throat, “Uh, River?” He spoke up, glancing to Strickler, “We have the art project to work on tonight, didn’t Ms. Harper say something about mid-process checks coming up?” He asked, giving me an out from the dinner tonight.

 My eyes widen, looking back at Eemeli, relaxing slightly, “I forgot we were doing that tonight! Mr. Stickler, it looks like I won’t be able to stay during dinner, I hope you have a good time with mom and Jim thought.” I apologized quickly, Eemeli leading me to the door.

 Strickler just smiled, waving it off. “Of course, schoolwork comes first. Have fun working on your project.”

 Eemeli and I headed out quickly. The rest of the day blurred by as we all finally got back to the house, hanging out in the basement as Jim goes over the plan with Draal, Eemeli, and myself.

 Draal sneered, “I don’t like this plan. It lacks a certain, killing the Changeling, aspect.” He growled out.

 “We aren’t killing him,” I snapped, having heard enough about ripping Strickler apart to get answers. “We don’t even know if he’s here for malicious reasons. Mom invited him over, remember?” I asked crossing my arms over my chest defensively.

 Draal eyed me confused, unsure why I would be against harming Strickler to get answers. “He’s working for Bular, therefore he’s working for Gunmar, which means he’s a threat to Trolls, Humans, the Trollhunter, and you,” he explained, believing that was reason enough to sway my opinion on the matter.

 I leveled a glare at Draal, “Does he have a choice?” I simply asked.

Draal was taken aback by my question, jaw hanging as he processed what I asked. Jim looked to be in shock as well.

 Eemeli’s head snapped up to look at me, eyes wide. “Okay, I get Changelings are bad, from how Jim and Draal have been talking about them, so why would you ask that?” He asked, just as stunned as Jim and Draal.

 Walking over to one of the shelves holding books in Trollish, I grabbed one that explained Gumm-gumms and Changelings, flipping to a page on Changelings specifically reading from it. “’ Gumm-gumm soldiers raided Troll villages, kidnapping the young. These young trolls were changed by a process created by,’ The name has been blacked out. ‘to spy on the surface world. They were turned into what is now know as a Changeling, and are controlled by Gunmar.’” I finished setting the book back on the shelf. “So, does he have a choice?” I asked again, looking up at Draal.

 Draal snarled, finally recovering from the shock. “Either way, he’s an impure working for Gunmar, he’s a threat.” He tried to reason.

 Teeth bared I snarled back at him, “Why do Trolls treat Changelings like they are monsters? They’re still Trolls! It’s not their fault Gunmar kidnapped them!” I snapped out.

 Draal reeled back in shock, never having seen me angry before, let alone having the anger directed at him.

 Eemeli nudged me when it was clear Draal wasn’t going to speak further on the topic. “We should go before Strickler gets here. We have to meet up with the others.” He spoke, heading to the stairs.

 Sighing, I grabbed Midnight and walked past Draal, heading after Eemeli quickly. Once out of the house we took off running to the school, meeting up with Arrrgh and Blinky at the doors. “What are we waiting for?” I asked Blinky, unsure of why they hadn’t gone in yet.

 Blinky sighed, tapping his foot impatiently, “We are waiting on NotEnrique and Toby to open the doors. Master Jim has forbidden us from breaking anymore after the incident at Claire’s house.” He winced at the memory, having waited for Jim after the Nunez’s returned.

 The doors swung open quickly, NotEnrique hanging on one, grinning as he spots me, “Well if it isn’t the Witch. I didn’t know you were coming out here too.” He snickered, jumping to my shoulder. As we walked in, he turned to Eemeli, “Who’s the new fleshbag?” He asked, sneering at him.

 I laughed, patting his head, “NotEnrique, this is Eemeli, he’s a friend from school. Eemeli this is NotEnrique, he’s a Changeling. The incident Blinky mentioned earlier was us finding out that Enrique had been switched with NotEnrique.” I explained as we followed behind Blinky, Arrrgh, and Toby.

 Eemeli smiled, poking NotEnrique’s nose, “After what Jim and Draal had said I expected something… scarier?” He chuckled, NotEnrique swatting his hand away.

 “Watch it fleshy,” NotEnrique hissed out, switching to my other shoulder. “Us Changelin’s are scary enough. Trust me.” He huffed out.

 I shook my head with a small smile. How could people think this guy is a little monster? We quickly made it to Stickler’s office. “So, what exactly are we looking for, other than information on the bridge?” I asked Blinky as we began tearing through Strickler’s shelves.

 Blinky huffed, landing on the piano, “Anything suspicious and dangerous.” He said as if that explained exactly what to look for. He lifted the lid of the piano and grinned, “Oh! I haven’t seen one of these in ages!” He cracked his knuckles and began to play the piano with all four of his arms, it sounded like a classical duet.

 Toby was looking around Strickler’s desk when he picked up the pen Strickler always had on him. “If I were a Changeling, where would I hide a super-secret key?” He asked himself, opening and similarly closing the pen as Strickler during class.

 I rolled my eyes, looking around near a larger purple gemstone Strickler had on a shelf. NotEnrique pulled on my ear as I got close to the stone, “I wouldn’t go touching that if I were you,” he warned quickly, eyes locked on the stone, a flash of fear crossing his face.

 I glanced at the stone again before pulling away with a nod. If it scared NotEnrique, it was probably best left alone. Eemeli groaned next to me, having cleared another shelf. “Why would he hide anything here? Aren’t there too many humans around?” He asked.

 Toby jumped out of his seat, holding up the pen, throwing the cap. “I found a key! How spy is this?” He asked, turning to Blinky and Arrrgh.

 Blinky grinned, examining the key. “A Changeling key for a Changeling lock!” He cheered, “Quick, we must find the lock!”

 Sighing, I went over to the shelves behind Strickler’s desk with NotEnrique. Pulling a few books back I paused, seeing an oddly shaped hole in the shelf. “Hey Blinky, is this it?” I asked moving away from the shelf.

 Blinky and Toby both crowded the shelf. Toby reached up with the key, trying to get it to turn. “Why isn’t it working?” He asked, pulling away from the shelf.

 Blinky looked back at me, specifically at NotEnrique perched on my shoulder. “A Changeling lock for a Changeling key.” He simply stated.

 I looked over to NotEnrique, smiling softly. “Would you mind helping?” I asked, not wanting to force him into opening the lock.

 NotEnrique looked at me stunned as if asking for help was a foreign concept to him. He slowly eyed the others before waving his hand at the key Toby still held. “Give it here fleshbag.” He growled out.

 I smiled walking to Toby so he could hand the key off to NotEnrique before returning to the lock. NotEnrique sigh before sticking the key in and turning it. As soon as he turned the key, a mechanism behind the wall released pulling it back, revealing a hidden room.

 Toby rushed in, going directly to a book sitting on a pedestal, “Whoa, this is so cool!” He grinned stopping on a page depicted two different trolls and what appeared to be humans for lunch.

 “The Book of Ga-Huel,” Blinky grinned, recognizing it instantly, “Record of Gumm-gumm history.” He explained.

 I stood next to Toby, wincing as I read over the names of the Trolls on the page. Toby grinned pointing to the picture of the Troll on the right. “Hey Arrrgh, this one kind of looks like you.” He said, grinning up at Arrrgh.

 Arrrgh sighed, turning away from the book. NotEnrique snickered from my shoulder, looking over the picture. “That’s because it is Arrrgh.” He grinned as Toby’s face fell, looking from the book to Arrrgh’s back.

 “You… you used to eat people?” He asked softly, not wanting to believe NotEnrique.

 Blinky and Arrrgh explained that Arrrgh had been a Gumm-gumm general in Gunmar’s horde. That he turned on Gunmar and helped seal him away, taking a pacifist oath after the war.

 Toby smiled, looking up at Arrrgh. “You may have been one of them, but you’re one of us now Wingman.” He stated, giving Arrrgh a fist bump.

 I smiled at the exchange. Eemeli and NotEnrique both seemed shocked that Toby could accept Arrrgh so easily after learning he had been a Gumm-gumm who ate humans in the past. We continued to look for items that could help us find Killahead Bridge. I found a large ring made of stone and crystal, turning it over. “What’s this?” I asked Blinky.

 NotEnrique winced, seeing the ring. “It’s uh… nothing…” He tried to argue before letting out a sigh, “It’s how I got here.” He grumbled out after a moment.

 Blinky nodded, taking the ring to examine it. “This is a very rare artifact indeed. It houses crack between our world and the Darklands, it’s called a Fetch” he explains. Blinky handed it off to Toby who was poking at it, trying to classify the crystals.

 Eemeli and Toby examined it, bouncing back ideas of what it could be when Toby activated in on accident. “Why not take a look on the other side? You’re still looking for Enrique, right?” Eemeli suggested. Toby nodded and stuck his head through the portal.

 NotEnrique pulled my ear harshly, trying to get my attention.

 I yelped at the tug, “What is it?” I asked, trying to rub the ear he still ha a hold on. NotEnrique simply pointed to the crystal he had warned me about earlier. Smoke began to pour out of it quickly. “Uh, Blinky, there’s a problem!” I yelped as the smoke began to lash out towards us.

 Arrrgh growled at is, ripping Strickler’s door off its hinges, blocking the smoke for now. “Run!” He yelled and we all took off quickly, running down the halls.

 As the smoke began to close in, Blinky and Arrrgh shoved Toby, Eemeli, NotEnrique, and I to the right. “Run, we’ll lead it away!” He instructed, turning to taunt the smoke creature chasing us.

 NotEnrique jumped from my shoulder, running down the hall towards the gym. “This way!” He yelled over his shoulder.

 I shoved Eemeli and Toby forward, running after NotEnrique. A glance back to Blinky and Arrrgh revealed that the smoke monster had decided to chase us instead of the Trolls. Once I made it into the gym I pulled out Midnight, activating it and sliding it through the door handles. “That’ll only hold it back for a moment,” I told them quickly.

 Toby was yelling at NotEnrique, “Why’d you run away?” He asked, not having heard NotEnrique directing them as his head had still been in the Fetch.

 “Why’d you trust a Changeling?!” NotEnrique snapped back, pissed off that Toby was yelling at him.

 I got between them quickly, leveling Toby with a glare to shut him up before turning to NotEnrique, “I trust you. You warned us about the smoke monster and helped get us here. Do you think you can find a way out?” I asked him, glancing back at the door as the smoke back to seep through the cracks. Midnight barley holding it closed.

 NotEnrique nodded, running to the rope and climbing it quickly, he knocked the grate off of the air vent and waved for us to follow him.

 Eemeli nodded to me before heading up the rope. Toby was panicking looking from the rope to the door before running for the rope, quickly climbing up. “I’m doing it!” He cheered as I followed after him. He paused to ring the bell before slipping into the vent.

 I turned back as the door broke, reaching out, I summoned Midnight back to me before slipping in the vent and following after the boys. I could hear each one scream up ahead as I turned, falling right after them. I was launched out a vent, landing on a piled of limbs, consisting of NotEnrique, Toby, and Eemeli.

 The smoke monster quickly followed after me. Before I could react, Blinky and Arrrgh blocked it, using the Fetch to send it to the Darklands. As the force began to push them back, the boys and I quickly jumped up, helping them hold the Fetch until the last of the monster was gone.

 I groaned, sliding back against the wall. NotEnrique sitting next to me. “I’m starting to think Strickler wants to kill us,” I frowned, wincing as I tried to move. Getting launched out of the air vent left some bruises.

 NotEnrique frowned looking up at me, then back to the air vent. “No kidding,” he sighed, curling up next to me.

 Eemeli stood carefully, sore from Toby and I landing on him. “Maybe we should get him home. What if the family goes to check on him?” He asked, checking his phone for the time.

 I nodded picking NotEnrique up as Blinky, Arrrgh, and Toby were celebrating their victory over the smoke monster. “Hey guys, we’re going to head out, I’ll see you later,” I nodded to them, walking out with Eemeli.

 NotEnrique climbed back up to my shoulder, drifting off as he hung on. “Didn’t think he’d have one of those hiding around,” he yawned out.

 “What was that thing?” I asked, making sure he wouldn’t fall if he fell asleep.

 “Antramonstrum,” he said, dozing off.

 Eemeli chuckled at the sleeping Changeling, “I think someone likes you.” He teased, nudging my shoulder with his.

 I laughed softly as we walked to the Nunez house. “It’s weird, I can’t help but think he… and other Changelings, aren’t all bad. If it wasn’t for NotEnrique warning us, I don’t know if we would have gotten out of there.” I sighed, patting the top of NotEnrique’s head.

 Eemeli nodded, watching the exchange, “He could’ve run off without warning us, could’ve taken off into the vents right away too if he wanted. I think he wanted to help.” He stated easily, poking at NotEnrique’s feet. Letting out a soft chuckle when the small Changeling kicks out a bit in his sleep.

 I smiled softly, pausing outside of the house, “I’m glad he did.” I nudged NotEnrique’s time, waking him. “This is your stop… thank you NotEnrique, for helping tonight.” I smiled at him setting him down.

 NotEnrique yawned, whacking softly at my hand, “Don’t go thanking my Witch. You were my way outta there.” He said, trying, and failing, to play it off.

 I giggled ruffling the hair on his head. “Whatever you say squishy.” I grinned, waving as he climbs up to the second floor, sliding into the nursery window easily.

 Eemeli chuckled, leading me back to my house. “Squishy?” He asked, “Isn’t he made of stone?”

 I laughed, nodding, “He is, it’s kind of a joke from right before finding out he’s a Changeling. In his human form, I called him a squish when I found him.” I explained.

 Eemeli snorted a laugh, “I’m starting to think you’re the reason he stayed to help.” He pointed out.

 I shrugged, smiling softly as we stopped on the porch, Mr. Strickler walking out with what looked like leftover pie. “Ah, Mr. Strickler, have a good night.” I smiled up at him.

 He paused, looking between Eemeli and me for a moment before smiling, “You as well Young Mordred. Eemeli.” He nodded to us before heading to his car, taking off.

 Eemeli’s gaze following the car for a moment, “I should probably head back, my uncle might get worried if I’m out too late.” He smiled, hugging me quickly before taking off down the road.

 I shook my head, entering the house to see mom and Jim arguing, Draal had snuck up the stairs behind mom, holding out an unconscious Claire by the ankle. Jim nodded for him to go back down as he and mom finished their argument.

 I quickly ran down to the basement as soon as mom left. Draal was still holding Claire up by the ankle. “What is doing here?” I hissed out, Jim quickly joining us.

 Draal shrugged, “She came in through the window, I tried to stay hidden, then she sneezed. I said “gesundheit,” she screamed, and then walked into the pipe,” he explained quickly.

 I groaned, realizing we couldn’t wait for her to wake up. The last thing we needed was another person getting attacked.

 Jim sighed, showing Draal how to hold Claire so the blood wouldn’t rush to her head. “Can you two get her home? I’m not allowed anywhere near her house.” He asked, looking from Draal to me.

 I nodded, heading through the steel door into the sewers, heading for the Nunez house again. Draal followed behind me, eyes trained on the back of my head.

 Feeling his gaze burn into my head, I quickly turned to face him, “What?” I asked, trying not to snap, our fight earlier still fresh in my mind.

 Draal sighed, slowing his pace, but continued to walk. “You… asked if the imp” he cut himself off, taking a deep breath, “if this Strickler, had a choice in helping Gunmar. I do not know.” He finally answered, holding his hand up as I went to reply. “All I know is that attacked Jim in your home while your mom was present, he tried to convince Jim to hand over the Amulet. If that had happened, he could open the bridge…” He trailed off, collecting his thoughts, “he mentioned wanting to protect you both.” He stated, finally dropping his hand.

 I frowned, eyes locked on the ground, “Draal, all I know of Troll culture is what I can read about in the tombs Vendel send home with me. I know Changelings have done terrible things but… they’ve done some good too.” I nod to an exit, “I’ll explain when we drop her off,” I said, climbing up to the surface. As we approached the house, I could see NotEnrique heading out of his window again. I frowned, watching him leave before pointing to Claire’s window.

 Draal was able to climb up and deposit Claire on her bed. Once he was back on the street, I let out a sigh, glancing at where NotEnrique had gone. “I’m not so sure about Strickler anymore…” I frowned looking up as Draal as we headed into the trees, staying out of sight, “He had something NotEnrique called an Antramonstrum in his office.”

 Draal’s head snapped to me. He quickly rushed over, checking for injuries. Worry etched over his face. “How are you not dead?” He asked softly, holding onto my arms after checking them for injuries.

 “NotEnrique’s to thank for that. He warned us about it. When it began to chase us, he was able to lead us away from it long enough for Blinky and Arrrgh to use a Fetch to seal it in the Darklands.” I explained, smiling at how worried he was, even though we had just fought.

Sighing in relief, Draal pulled me into a tight hug. “I must… thank the… NotEnrique, then.” He finally got out.

 I hugged him tight, “I’m sorry… for snapping earlier, it’s just… after reading about them and seeing how scared NotEnrique was at being found out, I feel like some of them don’t want to fight. Some might even want to help.” I explained.

 Draal nodded, picking me as he headed to the house again. “You said your thoughts on Strickler changed.”

 Curling up in his hold I nodded against his chest. “He knew we were going to be there. No matter what he told Jim, he tried to kill us with that thing.” I sighed, frustrated, and angry.

 Draal hummed, changing direction to go further into the forest. Draal allowing me to vent over my confusion with the Changelings we knew. After NotEnrique had helped keep me safe, he was open to the idea that not all Changelings were Gunmar’s tools. We kept going into the early hours of the morning before I tired out. Falling asleep as Draal turned back towards home.

 Eemeli’s P.O.V.

I smirked walking into Strickler’s office, eyeing the sling holding his arm. “Looks like the Trollhunter did a number on you.” I stood next to NotEnrique, leaning back on the desk.

 Strickler hummed, looking over the mess they left his office in. “I see the Antramonstrum didn’t work. Though it’s for the best. We wouldn’t want to lose valuable assets.” He smirked, seeing the page the book of Ga-Huel was turned to.

 “Speaking of, you should have heard River’s fight with Draal, never thought I’d see her angry.” I snickered, gaining Strickler and NotEnrique’s interest. “River’s been reading up on us. Looks like she found the part where we’re all kidnapped Trolls being forced to do Gunmar’s dirty work. She snapped at Draal for threatening to kill you or tear you apart for information tonight.” I explained, a smirk growing at the stunned expression of NotEnrique and Strickler. “Even had the guts to ask if any of this was your choice.”

 NotEnrique frowned a bit, eyes locked on the desk as I told them about the fight. “She’s a stupid fleshbag witch, all that caring is going to get her killed.” He growled out. Standing, he stretched before heading to the window. “I have to get back, past my bedtime.” He grumbled heading out.

 Strickler smirked. “First the amulet, now this?” He pulled out the Amulet, grinning. “Today went very well.” He waved his hand dismissively and I took that as my cue to head out.

 On my way out I ran into NotEnrique, “Squishy is it?” I asked, teasing him about River’s pet name for him.

 He growled, turning to face me. “So what?” He asked defensively.

 I shrugged, walking past him. “It’s a routine job. Don’t get distracted.”

 NotEnrique snarled behind me, “Ain’t nothing routine about that one,” he said. Heading back to the Nunez house.

 I paused, thinking over the events of the night. River had defended not just Strickler, but all Changelings, when she snapped at Draal. She was patient and considerate towards NotEnrique during their mission tonight. She even thanked NotEnrique for helping them after everything. I sighed watching the sky for a few moments. River was not a routine job. That was becoming painfully obvious.

[okaybutlikeimagine]

Every year, on the anniversary of Will’s disappearance, Joyce clings.

She clings and coddles and hugs and kisses and worries and dreads and attempts to mask her utter fear with smiles that don’t reach her eyes.

It’s always a sweet attempt. It never quite works.

After that first anniversary, where the Anniversary Effect turned into a Very Real Nightmare of, once again, fighting monsters and fearing for their lives, Will hasn’t been let outside on November 6th. There’s been no ifs, ands, or buts about it. He is locked inside of the house in the nicest, kindest, gentlest way possible.

Billy doesn’t know this.

So the first November 6th that they spend as a family, in 1985 after Hop has married Joyce and they’re all living together in the same house, Billy asks Will if he wants to go out and grab some dinner so that no one has to cook. He’s just trying to bring the energy up in the house, honestly. All day people have been keeping the energy stale at best. Joyce kept Will home from school even though he doesn’t look sick. Her face is pale, along with Jonathan’s, and Hop hasn’t done much more than grunt and rub Will’s shoulder when he passes by the boy. Billy’s not sure if he even went to work. El has been attached to Will’s hip, scrunching her nose up in a smile at him whenever he makes eye contact with her.

It’s just been weird and Will has looked like a goddamn prisoner all day and really, all Billy wants to do is get Will some fresh air and bring the mood up. He can’t handle it feeling this way. He feels like he’s out of the loop over here.

Will, from his place hunched on the couch, looks over to Joyce. Billy looks too when he sees it, only to find Joyce giving a scared and nervous look accompanied by a small shake of her head.

Will sighs softly. Billy’s surprised he hears it.

“Uh… no. I shou- I can’t.”

It doesn’t make any sense to Billy.

Like, seriously doesn’t make any sense to him. The boy is 14 and barely ever steps a toe out of line. He wasn’t asking him to go party on a school night, he was just wondering if they wanted to go pick up some burgers or a pizza or even some Chinese food god something.

Billy’s eyes furrow.

“Seriously? It’ll take like 2 seconds. I mean-” Billy pauses, rephrases. He knows Will can’t stand how fast Billy drives, so he has to slow it down for him. “Really like 20 minutes. But-”

“Billy, can I talk to you?” Jonathan asks with a hand pulling on Billy’s arm before he can even respond. He’s yanked out of the room against his own accord, allowing it just out of sheer confusion and curiosity.

“What?” Billy asks pointedly to a very tired looking Jonathan. Which is saying something, because Jonathan always looks like a truck just did a number on him.

“Do you know what day it is?” He whispers conspiratorially.

Billy blinks.

“Uhhhh… yeah? Tuesday?”

Jonathan takes a heavy breath, looking away for a second.

“It’s the… It’s…”

Billy watches the boy fumble with fleeting patience.

“It’s…..? What? Some weird fucking holiday? ‘No Burgers’ day? ‘Will Can’t Go Outside’ day?”

Jonathan sighs. “I mean… sort of.”

Billy’s eyebrows furrow.

“To which one, dummy?”

Jonathan sighs again. He’s getting on Billy’s last nerve.

“It’s the anniversary of Will’s disappearance.”

Billy freezes. Looks over to the living room as if he can see Will sitting on the couch from here. He can see his little socked feet swinging around against the floor.

“Uhh… oh.”

“Yeah. 2 years ago.” Jonathan’s got his hands shoved deep in his pockets. He looks for all the world like a nervous child. Billy doesn’t know how to feel.

“And he has to stay inside… because?”

“Mom gets nervous about him going out.”

“I mean, I get it but-”

“C’mon, Billy. Don’t stir the pot.”

Billy rolls his eyes, like he doesn’t feel an immense pressure in his chest from this. From all of it. From what he can only imagine it must feel like to have that hanging over your head. Always in your mind. Always in the back corner of your thoughts whispering and feeding and gnawing like a parasite.

Remember the monsters?

Billy remembers them. Remembers the cold and the intense heat and the looming fear that never left. Never rested. Never loosened its hold.

But…

“Fine. Then I’ll just go get food for everyone by myself.” Billys says, walking out into the living room to grab his keys and go pick up a pizza.

And so every year, even after Billy and Jonathan have gone away to college, they come back for the anniversary. Joyce insists they don’t have to, even though it’s clear in her eyes and voice that she’d very much appreciate it. Jonathan insists that they do have to, and reiterates to Billy how important it is for all of them that they all come by.

“I know John-boy, you’ve told me a billion times. I’ll make it.”

“Why do you still insist on calling me John-boy?”

“Because you insist on making it fun for me.” Billy says before hanging up the phone.

And so they go to visit. They all sit around and watch reruns of TV shows. They play board games.

It’s weird. The vibe is still so off. And Billy hates to look at Will because he looks so sullen. So pale and afraid and nervous of the walls of his house. Like something’s going to break through, to crawl out, to grab for him. Joyce spends all day near Hopper. It’s the one day Billy has ever seen her smoke a cigarette. Hop still tries to keep away from them, but he joins her out on the porch anyway, if only for a little bit. He always comes back inside fairly quickly so he can keep an eye on the door or something.

But now it’s 1988 and Will is 17 and the fear and the tremors of everyone’s body is gone. Jonathan and Billy come by to visit just because it’s what they do. No one clings to each other or jumps at sounds or shivers like it’s cold in their house even under blankets.

But Will still doesn’t go outside.

And it drives Billy crazy.

So he stands in Will’s doorway, looking at the boy laying across his bed, reading some nerdy book Billy would probably enjoy if he took the time to sit down and read it.

“Hey, pipsqueak-” His eternal name for Will, no matter the fact that he’s 17 now and reaching Billy’s height. “Wanna go grab some ice cream?”

Will doesn’t even look up from his book.

“It’s cold out.” is all he says, flipping the page. His foot starts to shake absently.

Billy rolls his eyes. “Alright, smartass, wanna grab some lunch?”

“I don’t have any money.” Will lies through his fucking teeth. The kid always has money, Billy knows it.

“I’d pay for you, kid. You know that.”

“I’m not hungry.”

Billy sits in his hip, tired and irritated.

“Alright fine. Wanna take a walk.”

“Not really.”

“And why not?”

Will looks up like Billy’s stupid. Billy’s just grateful to see him look up.

“It’s cold out.”

“I’ll wrap you up in every sweater you own, come on.” Billy says in his Big Brother Voice that he’s been using for years now. He grins a bit to see it still works on the younger boy, who’s eyes widen a bit with worry and whose face flushes a tad in nervousness.

“Why?”

“Because sitting around like a fucking vegetable isn’t healthy for you, c’mon. We can grab a cookie or something at the bakery on that corner let’s just do something. No one will miss us.”

It’s true. Everyone’s off doing their own thing. Jonathan is hanging out with Nancy in his room, who accompanied him on his visit. El is with Max outside, playing around on their own skateboards (Max got El one for Christmas last year). Hop and Joyce are cuddled up on the couch, watching reruns and laughing gently. Steve came along with Billy on the trip, but he was forced into a very long afternoon with Dustin and his mother. (Forced in the kindest way, obviously. The woman loves him and he loves their little family right back. She’s always knitting him sweaters and stuff.)

“I… I dunno…” Will says timidly. Billy crosses his arms.

“C’mon, what could you possibly have to do that’s more fun than hanging out with me?”

“Lots of things.” Will says through a crack in his voice.

Billy just doesn’t believe this shit, though. He lets the pause hang in the air, making his disbelief known.

“... what, did you get a boyfriend that you didn’t tell me about?”

That does it. Will’s face is beet red in a matter of seconds, his book falling loosely in his grip because suddenly other matters are a lot more pressing.

“...! Wha- uh! Don’t say that!”

Billy cackles. “Seriously, did you?”

“Cut it out!”

“If you don’t come with me on a walk, I’m gonna have to assume that you’ve got a boy hidden somewhere in your room.”

“Billy, cut it out.”

Billy pauses, shit eating grin consuming his face.

“He’s in your closet, isn’t he?”

“Billy!”

But Billy isn’t listening and Will isn’t moving from his spot on the bed, so Billy saunters up to Will’s closet with a mention of: “If it’s that Wheeler kid I swear he’s dead meat.”

“Billy shut up!” Will whines, book slammed shut and tossed onto his bed as he moves onto his knees to get off the bed and, presumably, go after Billy.

Billy swings the closet open to find-

Lots of clothes. No boys.

“Billy. I don’t have a boy in my closet.” Will seethes, which only makes Billy cackle more.

“And how was I supposed to know that? You got a new hair cut, maybe you turned into a real casanova.” Billy reaches a hand out to muss up Will’s new hairdo. Will swipes at Billy’s hands weakly. “Okay, get your jacket, lets go.”

Will whines lowly.

“It’s cold out.” He mutters, turning around to go on a search for a jacket.

“Get your thickest jacket and let’s go.”

So in a few minutes they’re saying goodbye to everyone, who only give Will farewells with the smallest of worry in them, and they set out through the trees and towards town.

It’s quiet. The space between them is nippy, but not too cold to breathe. Billy’s eyeing Will every now and then. His shoulders are so high his neck probably aches, his eyes are shifty but always make it back to the ground.

He’s growing into a handsome boy, and is still the same sweet kid Billy’s always known. It sucks to see him be so afraid of everything. He shouldn’t have to feel afraid in a place he’s always called home. Billy knows what it’s like to be afraid of home. Will doesn’t deserve that, not even for a second. There are so many gross, shitty kids in this town that don’t have the same kind of weight on their shoulders; don’t have to be worried about the same of the kind of memories that Will has. It’s not fair.

Will’s mouth starts moving like he wants to say something, but no words come out. Billy saves him.

“We don’t have to talk about anything.” He says, tilting his head up to the sky and watching the patchy gray clouds hover. There’s some kind of relieved sound that comes from Will’s small being. “It’s just…”

Billy sighs. He lets the cloud of his breath dissipate before he speaks again.

“It’s better to do anything. Anything but sit there and think about it.”

“I wasn’t thinking about it.” Will’s voice is small. Unconvincing.

“The more you sit around, the more you’re gonna think about it.”

Will doesn’t have a response to that, so Billy looks over at him. Sees his pensive face that falls into something like acceptance. Knowing.

Billy nudges Will’s shoulder with his arm.

“Trust me, pipsqueak. I know.”

Will gives a small smile. Insists he’s not a pipsqueak anymore. Billy insists he’ll always be one.

And they walk. They head to that little bakery Billy mentioned. They talk about boys and crushes, and Will’s face is red throughout the entire conversation. They talk about Billy and Steve. They talk about what life is like outside of Hawkins and how “You’re gonna love it, kid. I swear. You’re gonna love it.”

And Billy sees it on Will’s face. Sees Will relax. Sees Will melt into himself, even just a little bit, and finally believes that the boy will be able to move past this horrible feeling. This horrible anniversary effect. Sees Will and finally believes that he’s ready to move on.

[wakandaforeverwrites]

Learn Ya || Chapter 7

blTag List: @deliciousstreetkidcroissant @rose-bliss @theunsweetenedtruth@cancerianprincess @wakanda-inspired @aykanna@supersizemeplz@ayellepea @Ijstraightnochaser @chaneajoyyy@vanitykocaine@blowmymbackout @slimmiyagi @kissmyafropuff @purple-apricots@justanotherloveaffair@beautifulqueenflaws@hotthrow@90sinspiredgirl@hidden-treasures21@marvelpotterlove@depressionandfandomsinc@theblulife @airis-paris14@blackchickfics @skysynclair19 @jusanarae57 @leahnicole1219 @blackdesires-blog @ voyagetoadinas9 @ lalapalooza718 @blackpinup22 @chefjessypooh @tntnv @jennajai @erikstan4ever @raysunshine78 @determinednot2fall

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6

Author Notes: There are a lot of words here like this is probably the longest chapter I’ve written for this fic thus far. I’m talking 6k+ words just for this chapter so it’s under the cut for obvious reasons. I told y’all I had some Daddy!Challa coming. So strap on in and secure your wigs. ALSO IT TOOK ME ALL DAMN DAY TO WRITE THIS SO Y’ALL BETTER LIKE IT

This was such a bad idea. Amaya didn’t know what she had been thinking when she thought it would be a good idea to cook dinner for T’Challa at her apartment. It sounded like a good idea when she convinced him to come over. He was a damn king and she had invited him to her tiny ass apartment that she shared with Charlie. There was a small part of her that was a little embarrassed, but there was no time to back out now. She had no choice but to make the best out of this less than ideal situation.

She pulled out her best wig and allowed Charlie to do her usual slay, making sure that she looked even better than the last time T’Challa saw her. She struggled with her outfit for far longer than she needed too, finally deciding to dress in a pair of black shorts since she knew that he enjoyed her legs so much and a yellow crop top. This was the first time he was going to be seeing in her person in weeks and she wanted to make sure that she looked damn good.

She wanted to make sure that everything was perfect and that was why she called up her grandma all the way in Florida at the ass crack of dawn to get her recipe for meatloaf. It wasn’t just any basic bland old meatloaf. It was the exact one that her grandmother had made for her granddad just months before he proposed. Let the old man tell it, he knew he was in love during that very same dinner and that had been over 50 years ago, and the old couple were still very much in love with each other. So as far as Amaya was concerned, whatever was in the recipe was magic

Flicking on the oven light, Amaya checked on the dish even if she hadn’t placed it inside the oven but five minutes ago. She was being a little obsessive she knew that much but she wanted to make sure that nothing went wrong. There was nothing worse than inviting someone over for dinner and then serving them that very same dinner burnt to a crisp.

The knock at the door has Amaya jolting to her feet. It was a soft tap of knuckles against the wood but it sent her heart pounding in her chest because of who she knew was standing on the other side of it. She raced to her bedroom, nearly tripping over her feet on her way there, and spritzed a little perfume on the sides of her neck, checking herself out in the mirror for a few seconds before deciding to add a little gloss to her lips and trying to fluff up the curls in her hair.

There was another knock, this time a little louder and harder than before, and Amaya had to take a deep breath before she walked out of her bedroom to answer the door. Taking another deep breath, she answered the door, and the air she had just filled her lungs with immediately escaped her at the sight T’Challa standing in her doorway. He was dressed in his usual all black attire but it was far more casual than the suits she had seen him in, and a little more Americanized. A simple pair of black jeans and a form fitting black shirt with a matte black bomber jacket to top it all off.

It just wasn’t fair that he could make something so simple look so good. There was no way this man could even be real and about to step foot into her apartment.

“You’re a little early.” Her words came out a little more clipped than she would have liked thanks to her nerves. She chewed on her bottom lip when he lifted a brow towards her.

The corners of his mouth quirked a little as if he were holding back a smile. “If I didn’t know any better I would think that you didn’t miss me, Amaya.”

“I didn’t say that….”

“Ah, so you did miss me. You have quite the interesting way of showing it.” The teasing nature of his words had her holding back a smile as she rolled her eyes. “Are you going to invite me in or will we be having dinner out here in the hallway?”

Amaya took a step back so that he could walk inside and suddenly her apartment felt so much smaller with him standing in her living room. She watched as he looked around the small room, from the love seat that Charlie’s mom had been so gracious to gift to them when they first moved in to the television that was mounted on the wall. T’Challa seemed to be taking it all in for a moment before he turned around and looked to her.

“Do you live here alone?”

Amaya shook her head. “Nope. I have a roommate. Charlie. The girl you conned my number out of.”

“I conned her out of your number?” He placed a hand on his chest and had the audacity to look offended.

“That’s exactly what I said. Don’t think she didn’t tell me all about how charming you were so you could get my number. You knew exactly what you were doing. Probably flashed that smile of yours and it was a wrap from there. You’re not slick.”

“I can not believe I am being accused of such a thing. I have never used my smile to get what I want.”

“Never?”

“Not once in my life.” The smile in question started to take over his lips as she placed her hands on her hips.

“That sounds like a lie if I’ve ever heard one and I just wanna let you know that I don’t believe you.” She threw back at him as she shook her head a little. “Do you drink wine?”

“I do.” There was a bit of confusion that passed over his face.

“Good hold that thought please.” She held up one finger before disappearing into the kitchen.

She grabbed the bottle of wine from the fridge that she and Charlie had been saving for a special occasion--she didn’t see an occasion that would get any more special than this. She grabbed two wine glasses from the cabinet before filling them both half way. With both glasses in hand, she walked back out to the living room to find T’Challa standing front of the the few bookcases that were able to fit in the living room.

“Finding anything interesting?” He looked over his shoulder before turning to face her completely and taking the glass she was handing over to him.

“Have read all of these?” She was distracted for a second by the way his hand gripped the glass and she found herself watching his fingers drum against the side, reveling in how thick they were.

She cleared her throat, trying to push all of those thoughts out of her head. “Yeah, I was a big reader as a kid. If you’ve ever seen the movie Matilda, I was a lot like that growing up.”

“Cannot say that I have seen that movie before, but I will take your word for it,” he took a slow sip of the win as his eyes wandered the shelves of her bookcases before he stopped. “And have you read these three?”

Amaya squinted her eyes as she read the titles. Fifty Shades of Grey. Fifty Shades Darker. Fifty Shades Free. She nearly choked on her wine. She could have sworn that she had gotten rid of those books when she realized just how terrible they were.

“That’s a funny story actually. I remember when it came out and I was looking for a mother’s day present for my mom and some magazine recommended that it was a good present so I ordered the whole series online, right?  Then I read the first book and was like there’s no way I can give this book to my mom…..so I kept them for myself and read them all.” She did her best to hide her embarrassment behind her wine glass, taking a large gulp of the bittersweet liquid.

“You kept them for yourself?”

“Listen, don’t you judge me. I was all of 14 and thinking this was the best thing I had ever read but I broadened my horizons and realized that this was not a great depiction of a healthy BDSM relationship and it was terribly written, but I will credit it to opening my eyes to a lot of things.”

There was something flickering in his eyes as he looked at her, something that she couldn’t exactly place her finger on, but she knew that she liked it. “No one is judging you, Amaya. The shift in the air between the two of them was so subtle that she almost didn’t realize it. “And what exactly were your eyes opened up to?”

“The kind of relationship that I do want and the kind that I don’t want.” She shrugged her shoulders and finished off what was left of her wine.

“I get this feeling that you give vague answers on purpose.” T’Challa licked his lips slowly and Amaya had to take a deep breath to calm herself.

“And so what if I do? What are you gonna do about it?” She knew very well that she was playing fire, and she was more than willing to get herself burned in the process if it meant she got what she wanted.

His only response was a small smirk before he turned back to the bookshelves. Feeling a little bolder, Amaya placed her empty glass down and moved herself between him and the shelves, forcing him to look at her. With the small distance that had been between him and the shelves, there was an even smaller distance between her body and his.

“You should know something about me, Sir…” her fingers toyed with the collar of his jacket, dangerously close to his neck. “I don’t like being ignored.”

His arm disappeared above her head and she heard the soft clink of the glass being placed down, but he eyes never left her face. Normally, the longer he stared at her, the more her bold nature would start to fade, but that was the furthest thing from the case. The wine mixing with how long it had been since she had seen him, there was no backing down as far as she was concerned.

“Is that so?” His hand wrapped around one of her wrists, holding it down by his side before yanking her forward quickly and without warning. Her body went crashing forward and closed the distance between the two of them.

Staring straight ahead of her she could only see just the barest amount of his chin and she craned her neck back a little to look him in the eye. Shivers worked down her spine as his thumb brushed against her bare thigh, tracing small circles that she could feel radiating through every part of her body with one part in particular. His other hand grabbed her other wrist and before she realized what was happening, both of her hands were pinned behind her back. The trapped feeling that washed over her body sent her heart racing, but she didn’t fight against it. There was a large part of her that embraced it, wanting to have more of it and wondering how she would feel if he had her exactly like this, but naked in her bed.

“That is exactly so.” If he could hear the want in her voice, he wasn’t acknowledging it which was only serving to frustrate her even more.

His grip tightened around her wrists, forcing her arms further behind her back and pulling a soft gasp from between her lips that borderlined on a moan.

“Well now you have my attention. What are you going to do with it?” She was unable to ignore the challenge that laced in his tone and the sharp edge in his voice. Maybe she had lit a fire that she hadn’t quite anticipated burning like this.

“What do you think I should do with it? Because I can think of a few things that I can do with it.” There was a voice in the back of her head that was telling her that she needed to chill out, but she was never one to listen to that voice anyway so why start now?

“I have had a few thoughts of my own now that you mention it. And I do recall that you said something about how you wanted to get into trouble.” His lips were dangerously close and she was dying to have him close the distance. She was seconds away from begging for it if she needed to.

Amaya opened her mouth to answer but she was cut off by the oven timer going off, signaling that the meatloaf was ready to be taken out. “You’ll never know now. Dinner is done.” She went to wiggle free from his grasp but it only resulted in him holder her even tighter, delicious pricks of pain coursing through her shoulder blades that had her chew on the inside of her cheek to keep from moaning out loud.

“You cannot keep using food to run away from me.” Her eyes were trained on his tongue, watching as it peeked out from between his full lips and moved across the bottom one, stealing every bit of her attention for a few seconds.

Just fucking kiss me.

The words were on the tip of her tongue but she held them back. Instead she chose to smile in response.

“If you would like to starve instead of eating the delicious dinner I made then be my guest, but do you know how hard it is to get the smell of burnt meat out of an apartment?” She lifted her brows.

T’Challa made a sound in the back of his throat as if he were thinking and there was a moment of silence before he finally released her wrists. She was both grateful and a little disappointed when he did. She grabbed both of their glasses on her way back to the kitchen. She made it just in time, turning the oven off and pulling the hot dish from inside. She grabbed the only two plates that matched and placed two slices on each plate. She quickly heated up the mashed potatoes and green beans before placing servings of each next to the meatloaf. She took T’Challa’s plate and now full glass back out the living room first and placed them on the coffee table, finding that he had made himself comfortable in the time that she had been gone, having stripped from his jacket to showcase the way the cotton material of his shirt stretched across his chest.

She had to tear her eyes away from him so that she could go get her own food. She could feel his eyes watching her every move. “Stop staring at my legs.”

Her words were met with his laughter, the sound following her as she grabbed her own plate and glass of wine. She settled on the couch, curling her legs underneath her body. She looked at him expectantly and waited for him to take the first bite. She watched him chew and go back for a second bite without saying a word.

“You’re staring.” He finally looked at her, another bite just inches away from his mouth.

“And you’re not telling me if you like it or not. I gotta tell my grandma something.”

“Did your grandmother make this?”

“No, it was her recipe and when I told her I was making it for you, she wanted me to report back so to speak.” She finally dug into her own food, cutting off a piece of meatloaf and popping it into her mouth.

“Well, you can tell her that I love it.” A little smile came to his lips. “So you told your grandmother about me?”

“Don’t let it go to your head or anything. My grandma is just nosy and wants to know about everyone in my life even if they don’t mean anything.” She pointed her fork in his direction, rolling her eyes playfully.

“I really am starting to get the impression that you’re just trying to hurt me tonight. Now I do not mean anything. I know when I am not wanted…” He started to rise from his seat, but Amaya quickly moved her legs from underneath her and placed them across his lap to keep from getting up.

“Didn’t anyone ever teach you that you can’t get up from the table until your plate is clean?” She kept her legs draped across his lap even after he sat back down. “Should I have a conversation with your mother so she can have a conversation with you?”

His gaze on her thighs was so intense that she could almost physically feel it, and it was a few long moments before his eyes were on hers again. “Why go through all the trouble when you could cut out the middle man and have the conversation right now?”

“You have a point, but did you ever think that maybe I just don’t want to?” She smirked at him from around her forkful of mashed potatoes.

“There’s something you should know about me, Amaya….” She found herself hanging on his last word as he took another bite of food, waiting for him to finish his statement. “I am very good at persuading people into doing things.”

“I really don’t doubt that, but I can be pretty stubborn when I want to be so I might not be as easy as the other women you’re use to dealing with.” She pulled in a sharp breath when his thumb brushed against her knee and the look in his eyes let her know that he knew exactly what he was doing.

“Let the record show that I am currently not dealing with any other women. Just you.” All the playfulness had left his voice and he held her gaze until she was the one to look away.

She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth to keep from smiling too hard. She hadn’t really thought about if there would be other women that he was talking to, but to hear that there weren’t made her feel good. It had been a long time since she had felt secure enough to not have to worry about being played by someone. Hearing it from T’Challa made her believe it even if she had no way of proving it. He wasn’t Rod and he wasn’t going to run off and get someone pregnant after telling her all of the right things. He didn’t seem like that kind of man and he didn’t deserve the comparison to Rod even on his worse day.

“In case you were wondering, it’s just you too.” She cleared her throat and finally looked up at him only to find him smiling back at her.

“I do enjoy the sound of those words.”

“I just bet you do.” She was grateful the moment had shifted back to playful as it had grown a little too serious, giving her an odd feeling in her stomach.

“I would also really enjoy dessert if there is any.” She had been so focused on him that she hardly realized he was done with his food.

“So I’m gonna be straight up with you, I suck at baking…...like I can’t even make box pudding without messing it up somehow and I didn’t think it would be fair to just go out and buy something from the store.” She pulled her lips between her teeth and averted her eyes. She only looked up when she heard his laughter. “That’s not funny! Stop laughing!” She swatted at his arm a few times.

“I apologize. I’m not laughing because I think it’s funny. No one has ever put that much thought into making me dinner before.” T’Challa’s laughter faded into a soft chuckle before giving way completely. “If anything, I think it’s cute that you put so much thought into it.”

“If it helps, I have ice cream.” She was trying her best not to smile, but it wasn’t making it easy for her. He really was a charming bastard when he wanted to be and she hated how easy it was for her to fall right into it. She wasn’t even trying to fight it at this point. There was no need.

“What flavor?”

“Strawberry cheesecake.”

“I accept that flavor.” He leaned forward to place his plate down on the coffee table, coming back and resting his hand on her legs as if it was something they had done before. Amaya had to contain herself because she was very close to jumping all over him in response.

“You didn’t have a choice. It’s the only favor we eat in this house.” When she started to pull her legs from his lap, he fingers wrapped around them to keep her put. “You know, in order for me to actually get that ice cream, I have to go to the kitchen which means I have to get up and that means my legs have to leave your lap I’m afraid.”

“This is quite comfortable though.” He shrugged his shoulders, fingers trailing up and down her calf never once moving above the knee even if she wanted him to. She was actually dying for him to do it. It had crossed her mind more than just once.

“But think of how good the ice cream is gonna taste.” Now she was thinking about the ice cream and despite how good his fingers felt against her bare skin, she was craving the frozen treat now.

“You have a point…..” He lifted one hand to tug at the hairs of his beard gently before lifting his other hand from her leg.

She paused before swinging her legs from his lap and collected their plates to take to the sink. She rinsed them off as a way to try to buy herself a little more time. Even more time was bought when she went to the freezer and took a quick shot from the vodka bottle that lie within before she grabbed the pint of ice cream. This man was truly working a number on her and she wasn’t use to it. She picked up two spoons on the way back to the living room. When she sat down, her legs were being pulled back into his lap and she found herself being pulled closer to him, her hip right up against his and his hands now resting on her thighs.

“You really have gotten comfortable?” She teased him but didn’t pull away because she was also a little comfortable though she would never admit it out loud to him. “I figured this would make up for the fact that I ate our last dessert….completely…..by myself.” She pulled off the plastic that surrounded the top before peeling off the top and licking some of the ice cream that was there. She could feel him staring but she decided to ignore it and instead handed him his spoon, beating him to taking the first bite.

“I have realized something.” She was so focused on the way his tongue moved across the bottom of the spoon that she almost didn’t hear him.

“And what’s that? Because I’ve realized something myself, but you first.”

“You never did tell me why you wanted to become a lawyer.” His thumb moved across her bottom lip, catching a bit of ice cream that lingered at the corner of her mouth before she could lick it away, and sucking his thumb clean. He did it in such a fluid motion that it almost felt like a normal thing between them that she shouldn’t be so turned on by.

“A lot of things. I guess it started when I was younger. I use to be obsessed with Law and Order, you know the tv show, and I use to think being a lawyer was the coolest job in the world and then I went to college and I took a pre law class and I saw it was nothing like tv. Somehow that made me want to do it even more because it wasn’t about the glory of winning a case, it’s more about trying to help people and that’s the part I love.” She licked at her spoon and made a small face. “And there’s so many people, especially black people, that are falsely accused of all of these crimes and end up going to jail because they can’t afford a good lawyer. I don’t think the justice system to should only work for the people who have a few zeros attached to their bank account or look a certain way.” She looked up from the ice cream and saw him staring at her. “What?”

A hint of a smile started to pull at his lips. “Nothing. You just have a really good heart. I can admire that in a person.”

“You’re just saying that to make me smile.”

“I am saying it because I believe it. Your beautiful smile is just a nice bonus.” He reached out and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. She knew this move and she knew what would come next…..except it didn’t come next because T’Challa didn’t kiss her.

Amaya felt her stomach drop a little with disappointment. She hadn’t realized how much she wanted him to kiss until she thought it was going to happen and it didn’t. It was like a slight blow to the ego that he hadn’t kissed her yet. She didn’t care if it was technically the second date. She wasn’t one to fuck on the first date, but she wasn’t opposed to a little kissing by the second or the third. Hell, she would have fucked him on the first date if the opportunity arose so kissing definitely wouldn’t have been a problem in her opinion.

Changing the subject would be the best thing for her to do because no matter how much she wanted to ask him why she hadn’t kissed him yet, she didn’t really want to know the answer to that.

“So let’s say I wanted to become king of Wakanda, what would I have to do in order to do that?” She scooped up more ice cream to keep her mouth busy from asking the question that she really wanted to ask.

“Kill me.” He said it so nonchalantly that it took her off guard.

“Wait. Seriously?”

“It’s ritual combat. You either would have to kill me or get me to yield, and I never yield.” “What else?” All of this fascinated her, and she really did want to keep him talking because she enjoyed listening to him.

“Do you plan on taking me out to become king?” With his eyes searching her face, he shifted his body, bringing her even closer to him. Close enough that she could the faint amount of grey that was peppered throughout his beard.

“How old are you?” She blurted out and ignored the question she had been asked. It was something she did. When she got a question in her mind, she needed to know the answer immediately or else it would bother her until she found out. Sometimes she would even fixate on it, letting it consume on her.

“37.” His brows furrowed and sat low on his forehead in his confusion.

There was a 15 year age between the two of them that placed them in very different places in their lives. It wasn’t something that had crossed her mind before. The only thing that concerned her was how attracted to this man she was. She never thought to worry about how much older he was than her. In a very strange world, he was old enough to be her father, or at the very least her older brother…..maybe a distant uncle she only ever met at family reunions.

“Why do you look so horrified?” She hadn’t realized that a look had come to her face.

“You don’t have any kids, do you? None that are currently on the way?”

“No, definitely not.” He let out a low chuckle and shook his head. “Is that what you are worried about?”

“No. I’m more worried that you might want different things than I do because you’re so old.” Now that it had come to her attention, it was all that she could focus on.

“I wasn’t aware that I was ‘so old’.”

“You know what I mean.”

He gently pulled the carton and spoon from her hands and placed them down on the coffee table before giving her his full attention. “And what do you think that I want?”

“I’m not sure.” She leaned one arm against the back of the couch and used the crook of her elbow to cradle her cheek.

“Alright. Then what is that you want?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Then how can you be sure that I might want different things than you do?” He lifted a brow.

“No one told you to poke holes in my theory like this.” She pushed at his chest and swung her legs from his lap so that she scoot away from him.

He caught her arm and pulled her back, wrapping an around her waist so she couldn’t get too far away. “I would not call it poking holes in your theory. I was simply showing you that you had no reason to worry.”

“I see your point.” With her hip pressed against him, she could feel the vibrations that came from his pocket. His arm released her waist and he reached into his pocket as she moved away from him a little so he could grab it. “Do you need to take that?”

“It’s not a phone call. It’s a reminder of my meeting in the morning.” His thumb slid across the screen before he was sliding it back into his pocket.

“Oh. I’m guessing you need to go then?” She did her best not to sound disappointed.

“Unfortunately. If I could cancel this meeting I would.” She narrowed her eyes a little at him. “What?”

“I thought you said you were coming for me?”

“I did come for you, but what kind of a king would I be if I didn’t get a little work done while I was here?” He teased and she found herself smiling a little.

“Probably a terrible one.” She tossed back as she stood up to her feet slowly, watching as he mirrored her actions as he grabbed his jacket from the arm of the couch. She tried to keep herself from acting like a little girl who was having her favorite toy taking away as she walked him to the front door. “I had a lot of fun tonight and I’ll make sure to tell my grandma you said her recipe was the best you’ve ever tasted.

“Somehow I do not remember saying all of that.”

“Humor the old woman and let her have this win. You wouldn’t deny and old woman that, would you?” She leaned against the doorframe after opening the door for him.

“I wouldn’t dream of doing that to your poor grandmother.” He pulled on his jacket and somehow made even that look like the sexiest thing Amaya had seen in her whole life. This man was a whole ass man.

“I think she’ll really appreciate that.” She smiled at him and found herself unwilling to let him leave even if she knew it needed to happen.

T’Challa leaned down and closed the distance between the two of them and once again she thought he was going to kiss, but instead she felt his lips brush against her cheek. She was about to take matters into her own hands if he didn’t get it together, but she would let him slide this time.

“I will call you tomorrow.” She nodded her head and he gave her one last smile before she watched him walk down the hall.

She let out a small sigh as she closed the door and locked it. She grabbed the melted ice cream from off the table and replaced the top before going to put back into the freezer. She started to load the dishwasher and clean up the kitchen when she was interrupted by a soft knock at the door. Other than T’Challa she hadn’t been expecting anyone else so it was probably just Charlie who forgot her key once again. She tossed the dish towel down on the counter and went to answer the door. She peeped through the peep hole and was surprised to find T’Challa standing on the other side with a look of determination on his features. She immediately opened the door.

“Did you forget something?”

“Actually I did.”

He grabbed her arm and yanked her close until her chest was pressed right up against his. Before she had a chance to react, his lips were finally pressing against hers. There was nothing sweet about his kiss. He kissed her as if he had something to prove and she loved every second of it. Her arms came up to wrap around his neck as she stood on her toes trying to get closer and his arms wrapped around her waist.

Amaya let out a soft moan as he gripped her hips tightly. He was finally giving her exactly what she wanted and it was even better than she had thought it would be. She felt his tongue move across her bottom lip enough to make her part of her lips. She could taste the sweet taste of ice cream on his tongue and it sent sparks electrifying all over her body. Her fingers moved and she pulled at the short coils of hair as she felt her back hitting the wall near her door, trapping her between it and the hard planes of his muscular frame.

His hand crept down her body and his fingers curled around her thigh, lifting it off the ground and hooking it around his waist. The way he pressed into her allowed her to feel just how hard his body truly was and it pulled a needy whimper from somewhere deep in her chest. She took it upon herself to lift her other leg, wrapping it around his waist along with the first one, wrapping her arms tighter around his neck. He seemed to waste on time placing his hands underneath her ass, strong hands holding her up and gripping her ass tightly all in the same regard, pushing her even harder against him to allow her to feel just how much he also wanted this. If this was what she had been waiting for then it was well worth the wait.

By the time he pulled away from her lips, she was breathless, but craning her neck forward for more. She wasn’t ready for the moment to end just yet. She had to bite down on her tongue to keep from letting out a small sound of frustration as he placed her feet back down on the ground. Her hands moved from his neck down the front of his body, unabashedly feeling him in the process. She stared at his chest for a few moments before she looked up at him.

“Did you find what you forgot, Sir?”

“Some of it. The rest I think I should save for later if that is alright with you.” He cupped her chin gently, a far cry from the way he had just roughly kissed her.

“Depends on much later. I don’t think I have a whole lot of patience left.” She toyed with the zipper on his jacket.

“I am afraid you will need to find some. It could be a while...or it might not to be. You’ll have to be a good girl to find out.” The moan she let out was almost inaudible, but the ghost of a smile on his lips let her know that it wasn’t as quiet as she thought it had been. Those two words shouldn’t sound so good coming from him and yet there she was, with a heartbeat between her legs because of them. “Can you do that for me?”

She nodded her head once. “I think I can do that if the reward is worth it.”

“I would like to think it will be more than worth it.” There was a promise in his words that she was hoping like hell that he could keep.

“Then I can do that for you.”

“That’s what I like to hear. I will call you tomorrow. Goodnight, Amaya.” His lips brushed against her cheek once more and she found herself watching him disappear down the hall again.

“Well damn child. I can see why you didn’t want my grandsons.” Miss Catherine’s raspy voice brought Amaya back to reality. The older woman stood in her doorway with a black garbage in her hand and bright pink rollers in her hair. “If I was 20 years younger…..the things I would let that man do to me.”

“Goodnight Miss Catherine.” Amaya couldn’t help but laugh as she slipped back into her apartment and closed the door, her lips still tasting of T’Challa when she licked them.

[thecollinhartman-blog]

Collin’s Coronavirus Thoughts

Corona Diaries

 I know what you are thinking. It is Day 4 of the Quarantine and Social Distancing and Collin has gone so crazy without all the busy-ness of life that he is writing a blog post. And you would be absolutely correct. Like every other millennial twenty-something, I have a lot of really great ideas that haven’t quite come to fruition. By now I thought I would be operating a volleyball facility, or traveling the US in a VW van driving for Uber, or pursuing a PhD program in England while playing volleyball, or coaching a small college team in Southern California.

All this to say I’m a big-time dreamer and a mostly incredibly poor “executer”. I often mistake my busy-ness for full-ness. I have seven unread books on my night stand, I haven’t been grocery shopping in weeks, I never got around to painting the trim in the bathroom my dad and I remodeled, my phone hasn’t been at full charge since November, and there has been an overflow of recycling sitting outside my house from the garbage disposal and mattress I got for Christmas… and now it’s March. Welcome to it, friends.

 Let’s start here: I stopped by my parents’ house this week to print something – which I often do because I have a lot of printing needs but haven’t ever purchased a printer. It’s nice because I can print some papers I need AND I can always count on cool ranch Doritos and a Mango Orange Crystal Lite…. that I’ll likely take one sip of, leave on the counter, and finish when I’m there 4 days later.

 Anyway, here I am printing in my dad’s office and running late for a meeting  (all because I napped for too long). I rush out the door of the house, accidentally leaving one document on the printer, pens and paper everywhere, and a cupboard desk drawer open. A few minutes later, my dad sends me a picture of his office, which was without a doubt entirely put together five minutes prior to me being there. The tone of his text is sarcastic but loving but semi-annoyed which I can handle. I spend six seconds feeling bad about my reckless and disorganized self until Hillsong’s Highlands comes on the radio and I turn it up. I don’t spend time reflecting on things that would make me sad, I’m a 7.

 In the midst of my frantic printing and meeting prep, my dad told me he was going to call me “F-5”as my new nickname. By the look on my face, he could tell I was confused as to why. He begins to tell me that tornados are classified in F-0 through F-5 categories, with an F-5 tornado being the wildest in nature. My quick google search defines an F-5 tornado as the most “violent damage, homes lifted off foundation and carried considerable distances, autos thrown as far as 100 meters.” I think what my dad was trying to say is that my general way of life is to rampage my way through different spaces, groups, situations… often times in an assertive, proactive, somewhat wild, chaotic way and then just… leave (I think this how I drive too). Stop go stop go stop go. I go from this thing right on to the next without pause. I show up, jump out of my car, race to wherever I’m supposed to go, be (mostly) present there until BOOM, it’s a Monday evening and I’m in the Eagle gym, shutting off all the lights, gathering volleyballs, turning on the alarm, leaving for Young Life – all in an attempt to get there three minutes before it starts so I can prep items for the game I’m leading ALLLLL before being interrupted in the parking lot by a mom of a U11 kid who is reminding me (probably for the 3rd time) about the t-shirt they ordered and are waiting on. Following? Me neither.

 In short – my life actually is like an F-5 tornado. I run run run from one thing to the next, filling my world to the brim with as much as I possibly can all until I arrive back at my house at 10:30 pm, gas light on, eat whatever I can find in the fridge before my head hits the pillow 4 minutes later, only to set my alarm and do it again.

 I’ve been living my life like this for a really long time until…. well until Sunday when we got the news that school is cancelled, which means volleyball activities are all cancelled too, and Young Life gatherings paused and suddenly my wild Monday is WIDE OPEN.

 This blog post / journal / diary is my attempt to articulate from my squirrel brain some things I’ve learned about myself in the last 48 hours since this craziness called coronavirus officially stopped my (and probably your) collective world right in their F-5 tornado tracks.

 First, let me tell you about my day today paint a picture of how my world feels just a bit (LITERALLY ENTIRELY) different…..

 1)    I didn’t set an alarm and I woke up at 8:30 am.

2)    Shortly after, I went on a quick walk to the nearest coffee shop and ordered a Misto: I am on my journey to black coffee and I just graduated from a latte to this half coffee half milk concoction (with caramel) and I feel accomplished.

3)    I stopped by my neighbor friend’s house to say hello.

4)    I got home, cleaned a couple things around the house, washed a couple plates in my sink, and went on a bike ride to downtown Boise where I enjoyed a takeout lunch from Whole Foods. I would like to tell you that I rode my bike home, but a friend happened to see me and my girlfriend (she is working remotely from Utah and visiting right now) saw us and somehow realized the journey completely uphill from downtown to my house on the bench might not be all that fun so we piled our bikes in her car and she took us home.

5)    I took a 20 minute snoozer.

6)    I got up and did some yard work outside, gathering pine needles from underneath my big backyard tree and finally broke down those big boxes that have been sitting outside my house for months and was able to fit them all inside my recycling can.

7)    It started to drizzle so I came inside, crawled under a big blanket and read the first couple chapters of Prodigal God by Timothy Keller.

8)    Kinslie and I then stopped by the store to pick up some things for dinner and I grilled some steaks and shared a giant salad and some grilled asparagus.

9)    After a few girl scout cookies (they stopped by yesterday), we watched the last half of Ellen’s Game of Games and picked a movie on Netflix.

10) Now I’m lying in my (perfectly made) bed (because I had the time to make it) writing all my thoughts down in a word document wondering if I’ll actually post this or if there is really anything of worth that I’m typing. I think there is but not sure yet.

 Well, friends of the interwebs, you might be wondering why you just read a detailed list of my day from start to finish. Here’s what I want you to know.

 1)    Upon arriving at the coffee shop, I had a cheerful silly conversation with the barista about what drink I should order as we laughed about me wanting to eventually enjoy drip coffee. We engaged in authentic dialogue for a few minutes and on the way out I thanked her for the drink recommendation.

2)    Before leaving for our bike ride, my tires were flat so we walked them to the gas station and filled up with six quarters before we went on our merry way. I empathized with the Chevron employee as we talked about coronavirus and how it might impact our lives. I wished him well and went on my way.

3)    While bikeriding downtown I noticed there are five…. FIVE… different types of massage or spa places between my house and Curtis, which is the next main stop light.

4)    At Whole Foods, I asked the clerk their favorite pasta salad as she walked over and told me all about the 2 for $6 deal. I noticed the different textures of the floor and the neatly stacked chairs and how the vegetables were perfectly arranged in their place.

5)    While doing yardwork, I stopped and looked at Kinslie as she was raking leaves into a pile. I went over and looked, I mean REALLY LOOKED into her eyes and noticed how the Irish green edges melt into a light sky-ish blue before meeting her pupil. I noticed the way she parted her wavy blonde hair and the way it fell just barely over the sweatshirt she was borrowing of mine.  I noticed how thankful I was I had someone to share this day with and even more thankful for her idea to do this yardwork that surely wouldn’t have been started for maybe forever.

6)    While reading, I noticed the way the soft sunshine pressed through my semi-open blinds onto my page and made the black ink pop off the page. I contemplated Keller’s words of Pharisees and tax collectors and a story of two sons on their journey of deeper understanding of God’s steadfast love and grace in the midst of their own struggles.

7)    While making dinner I couldn’t help but take just a little extra time to delicately cut each cucumber and carrot slice with care as I heard sounds of clattering branches from my cracked window as dusk began to settle in.

8)    And while writing this blog post, I can’t help but notice all the things I noticed in my own world for perhaps the first time.

 While I can’t be sure what life will look like in a few short days, weeks, or even months, and while I’m not positive what my income will be, and what daily routines or rituals will be impacted, or how our schools and communities will be changed – I can be sure of this: I hope in the midst of my crazy F-5 tornado life that surely will be back in busy routine before I know it – I hope for a couple things.

 I hope I can continue notice the little things. To notice the wildly interconnected, perfectly-timed, awe strikingly beautiful, crazy detailed, little details of this world like the way I noticed the lines on the fresh steaks as I pulled them off my garage sale grill.  

 I hope to breathe deep and see, I mean REALLY see the world around me, to engage in relationship in more authentic and honest ways, to stop for a moment wherever I am to truly connect with the people around me.

  I hope to take my time through a home cooked meal, and to not be so filled with anxiousness and fear of the future and unknown that I my eyes are blinded to see the way God is working in and through my (and our) world, possibly even through something like the freaking COVID-19.

 While I’m sure there will be more lessons to be learned in the next little while, I challenge you to take a couple moments to really press in and reflect upon the way this Zombie apocalyptic ish tirade is impacting your world. I truly hope in the midst of empty toilet paper shelves and hand sanitizer hoarders there is something beautiful in your world that you’ve noticed, too.

[itsallabigmess]

Solace - drabble #01

A/N: Here it is, guys. I have at least two more drabbles in mind but I’m not sure how many I’ll be posting. Hope you all enjoy it! (Please make sure to check my Solace scenario if you haven’t yet. Otherwise, I don’t think this drabble will make much sense.)

A.

It’s been four months since you decided to try. You don’t think you ever felt this happy. Memories of your past life were slowly being forgotten, locked in some dark corner of your brain, giving space to all the love you were now receiving. Love that you could not believe you were able to feel.

There was no sense of rush with Jinyoung. You two were still taking things slow, just as he said you could. He made sure you knew you were the one setting the pace for your relationship. Your scars were still healing, and he was there to hold your hand while you were still working on finding yourself.

You were still working as a temp and the agency had allocated you in an office where everybody seemed to purposely mistreat you. It was tiring and stressful and the only thing that helped you deal with it all was knowing that you had a place in Jinyoung’s warm embrace at the end of each day.

Friday came and you couldn’t be happier that the week was over. Jinyoung was waiting for you in front of the boxing studio, a big smile opening to you as he saw you getting closer. You could not control yourself, jumping to hug him, Jinyoung having to take a step back to not lose balance.

“Come to my place tonight,” he said, releasing the embrace but not enough for you to get far “I want to make you dinner.”

“I won’t object to that,” you smiled, getting on the tip of our toes to kiss him.

Jinyoung was a great cook, you learned after you started spending nights at his place. You were still taking turns spending the weekends at each other’s place. Watching movies and talking until late hours about whatever that came to mind was your new favorite kind of routine.

You got out of shower already wearing one of the pajamas you left in his place, to find Jinyoung lying on the bed, checking his phone.

“My mom is sending another box of books this week,” he told you, putting the phone on the bedside table. “She also says hi.”

“I think we will need to open a library. I never met anyone who had that many books,” you laughed, laying on his side.

“I’m thinking about selling or donating a few,” he turned on his side to look at you “Most of it is from college.”

“I can help you with it.”

Jinyoung lips curved up, one of his hands reaching to touch your face, caressing your cheeks gently.

“Kiss me,” you asked and in a second his mouth was on yours, softly moving. You hoped this feeling would never end. The sensation of electricity running through your body every time he touched you.

Jinyoung parted the kiss, leaning his head back, only to feel your hands pulling him back, lips clashing a bit too harshly.

“We are demanding today, aren’t we?” Jinyoung smiled between kisses, voice already sounding breathy.

“I missed you so much this week,” you admitted, caressing the hair on the back on his head. “All I wanted was to be with you.”

“Good thing we can stay in bed for the entire weekend.”

“Then kiss me more,” you jokingly whined and Jinyoung complied, his tongue massaging yours, waves of pleasure flowing through your body. Jinyoung slowly shifted his body on top of yours, a little moan leaving your mouth when you felt his weight over you. The slow kissed being replaced with more passionate ones, a hunger on your boyfriend’s lips you never felt before. You and Jinyoung have been sleeping together for some time now but that’s all you do. Sleep. Sex hasn’t been brought to the table yet, Jinyoung still being contained as how he kisses and touches you. Making out the way you wore doing now was the furthest you ever got to do something physically intimate. So, as you felt his hand move up on your side under the pajama shirt, you felt your body tense.

You loved Jinyoung more than you ever thought you could love someone. But you weren’t ready yet.

“Jinyoung, stop,” you hold his wrist, turning your face away from him, heart agitated.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he said quickly, lifting his body and sitting by your side. “I’m sorry,” he repeated.

You looked at him only to meet his regretful eyes. “It’s okay, I just…” you said, trying to sound calm but your voice failed you, cracking mid-sentence. “I don’t think I can just yet.”

“Baby, it's okay,” he rushed to say, afraid you were about to start crying, turning his body towards you so he could cup your face, “We don’t need to do anything you don’t want to.” He smiled weakly, fixing your hair before getting up. “I’m gonna get ready for bed. Why don’t you pick a movie for us?”

Leaving you alone, even if for just a few minutes, was the best and worst thing Jinyoung could do. But you knew he needed a moment to process what just happened, the same way you did.

You never took it for consideration, how all the waiting must feel to him. Even if he was patient. Jinyoung never made you feel like you were depriving him of something so basic of human nature. But you knew that it must take a toll on him.

You could smell his body lotion when he sat next to you in bed. Jinyoung asked you if you were okay again, touching your face, thumb tracing your cheeks when you nodded.

After the first time you stayed over at his place, Jinyoung transferred the tv from the small living room to the bedroom, so you could cuddle while watching movies together. You usually fell asleep before the movie ended, and the sight of you gingerly resting your head on his chest, knowing that you felt completely comfortable with him, filled his heart.

Jinyoung didn’t want to push his luck. He knew that he overstepped a line that maybe even you didn’t know was there. But he was becoming greedier with all the time you spent together. Seeing you sitting in one of the sides of the bed, playing with your fingers instead of getting closer to him the way you always did was already making him nervous. Even if he tried his best not to show.

“Hey, aren’t you a bit too far from me?” he tried to ask casually, adjusting the pillows behind his back.

“I didn’t know if you wanted to…”

“Come here,” he said, lifting the covers to give you space, kissing the top of your head once you laid down, his heart becoming calmer when you hugged him.

You were exactly where you belonged.

You woke up to find you were alone in bed. It was already morning but still too early for any of you to be awake. Jinyoung was sitting on the couch, reading some book, wearing the glasses you only knew he had after you started dating.

“Why aren’t you in bed?” you asked with a hoarse voice, walking toward him.

“Hey,” he smiled “I didn’t want to wake you. I lost sleep.”

“Is it because of last night?” you asked, biting your lower lip “Are you… mad at me?”

“Of course not!” Jinyoung dropped his book on his side, taking a deep breath. He didn’t want to talk about it, afraid of how you would feel. But he also promised himself to always be open with you. “I’m only mad at myself.”

“Why?” You frowned in confusion. You expected Jinyoung to be frustrated on how you stopped the course that the night was taking. Not being angry at himself.

“I didn’t pay attention to you. I let myself go and… I promised you we didn’t need to rush anything.”

“Jinyoung, we were making out. Of course, you let yourself go.”

“But I should have asked you,” he insisted, and you could feel how it was bothering him, his eyes trying to avoid yours “I shouldn’t touch you like that without making sure it’s what you want.”

You gave two steps towards him, Jnyoung still sitting on the couch. “Give me your hands,” you told him, extending your palms. He placed his hands on top of yours after a few seconds, and you slide your fingers around his wrists, bringing his touch to the sides of your hips. “This is okay,” you said, moving his hand to your waist “This is okay,” you said again, now moving his hands to the low curve of your back, then shoulders, neck, leaning a bit on his direction, kissing his palms before placing it on the sides of your face. “I don’t want you to be afraid to touch me. Ever.”

Jinyoung let out a breath that was stuck on his throat, pulling you to sit on his lap, hugging your middle as your arms closed gently around his neck. “How did I get this lucky?” he whispered, dropping a kiss on your temple, making you chuckle.

You stayed like that for a minute, Jinyoung running his fingers through your hair gingerly, until you decided to get up. “Should I make breakfast for us?”

Jinyoung was faster, getting on his feet and lifting your body as if you weighed nothing, a gasp falling from your mouth as he carried you in a bridal style. “Let’s go back to bed. I don’t think I kissed you enough last night.”

[nancypullen]

So Far, So Good

I have no beef with November.  She showed up right on time and brought some lovely chilly weather with her.  She’s sprinkling her colorful magic all over the trees and generally being delightful.  Unfortunately she is also the gateway to holiday food and I’m like a junkie who’s been clean for a year but I’m ready to score a casserole.  I eat a very healthy balance for ten months and then *BOOM*  the Butterball turkeys show up at Kroger and all bets are off.  I wish I could buy willpower.  Sadly, I can’t even say that I fight temptation, oh no, I jump in with both feet and create the temptation.  On Saturday the mister and I were running errands...Lowe’s, Kroger, Tractor Supply for donkey corn to keep the deer in our yard during hunting season, the usual.  I told him that we needed to swing into the library parking lot because I had a couple of books on hold.  Were these volumes to entertain or expand my mind? No. They will only expand my thighs.

Come on.  You can’t tell me that that doesn’t look like fun!  Last week I baked cookies.  I hadn’t baked anything in forever because we don’t need it hanging around the house.  But I had an excuse.  I had swapped cat sitting duties with a neighbor (Willie’s other mom).  They were out of town for a few days in September and I dutifully went over and got the mail, fed her cats twice a day, scooped litter, let them out in the morning and back in for dinner, and gave them love.  In turn, when we went up to Maine she came over and scooped litter, fed our kitties wet food once a day, brought in the mail, etc.  She even took our garbage can to the curb and brought it back in.  They left town again just before we returned from our trip but had a relative house sitting.  They returned last week.   She’d given me a restaurant gift card as a thank you for watching their kitties, so I did the same but also used my gratitude as an excuse to make my favorite fall cookie - gingersnaps!  I figured I’d take a batch over with the gift card so they’d have dinner and dessert. Pulling that bottle of molasses out of the top cupboard felt like a homecoming. I uncovered the ol’ KitchenAid mixer and had one of the best afternoons I’d had in ages.  Playing music, baking cookies, and watching leaves flutter to the ground through the kitchen window - it just doesn’t get much better than that.  Of course I kept a baker’s dozen on a plate for us and they were gone in no time.  The floodgates are open. I did it.  I sabotaged myself.  And I loved every minute of it.  Please do not suggest that I could enjoy the same magical experience by whipping up a batch of bran muffins or tofu brownies.  That’s just crazy talk. Bustling around the kitchen and filling the house with delicious aromas - it’s such simple comfort.  My sister and I have had conversations recently about how, now more than ever, it’s important to keep sweetness and simplicity in our lives.  I actively seek out the whimsical side of life - enchanting art, silly poems, looking for clouds shaped like animals, all of it.  I’m drawn to fairy tales and their illustrations. I love a happy ending.  Remember when I mentioned that I’d picked up a watercolor by Maine artist Marvin Jacobs?  I didn’t choose a seascape or a harbor painting.  I picked this guy.

 It’s so important to keep sweetness in your life, otherwise the daily news will drag you under.  Be aware, be informed, work diligently for change, but leave room for lightness.   I’m saying all of this so that you’ll know why my heart cracked open and I cried when my sister sent a box full of joy straight to my mailbox.  Seems that she caught wind of a woman clearing out some treasures and she picked up a batch of Royal Albert Beatrix Potter figurines for a song!  She picked out three for me as a surprise and I can’t tell you how happy my heart is when I look at my kitchen window sill.

Jemima Puddleduck,  Mrs. Rabbit & Bunnies, and Old Mr. Brown.  Oh, my heart!  My sister told me that she knew I needed the Mrs. Bunny figure because she’s cuddling her two babies - like my two babies! 

Add to that the reminder that my Grandma Ethel called me Cuddlebunny, sewed bunny patches on my jeans during the summer that I chased her sheep and named all of her chickens, and I’m a puddle.  My sister and I love Beatrix Potter’s sweet (there’s that word again) stories and illustrations.  When the mister and I went to London I scoured the stalls on Portobello Road to find an old Beatrix Potter illustration to bring home and frame.  It hangs in the sweetest room in our house, the grandgirl’s room!

Can you imagine what it meant to me to open that box from my sister?  That was a box of love, my friends.  Now I need to add to my collection.  My sister is a fan of Hunca Munca, the busy little mouse.  She kept this figurine and said she identified with it.  I think she’s spot on.  I’ll have to look for more Hunca Munca for her.

I think we both agree that something about these little statues reminds us of time spent in Weiser.  Being at our grandparents little pink house was paradise.  My sister stayed at Grandma’s elbow, watching her sew and cook.  I stuck to her like glue outside learning about her chickens and flowers.  Her gardens were so lush.  Once when I was pretending to be outlaw Belle Starr, western rule-breaker and heartbreaker, I used one of her giant snowball bushes for my hideout.  It was so big and full that I could crawl under the lowest boughs and sit up inside.  It was beautiful and smelled good, just the sort of spot Belle would choose.  We were always so carefree in Weiser - my brother and I taught the sheep to play hide ‘n seek (really!).  If you’ve never seen a sheep hide behind a tree and peek out at you, you haven’t lived.  We named chickens after characters from Robin Hood.  My Grandpa Carl thought I was a hoot.  He spoiled me and I was his favorite.  Turns out that every one of his grandkids could say the same.  We were so safe and loved on their patch of Idaho.   I tried to put plenty of magic and whimsy into my kids’ childhoods.  They probably aren’t even aware that some of their silliest thoughts were planted there early.  I’ll bet when they see birds lined up on a wire and their first thought is “bird meeting” they don’t remember the dialogue I’d make up when we saw things like this -

Bird meeting!  #1 on the agenda is cat location...new orange tabby moved in on corner of Elm and Oak, so be aware.  Worm of the Month award goes to Maurice for the whopper he pulled out of a garden on May 5th. Way to go!  Congratulations to Stanley and Mary on hatching 4 eggs last Wednesday. That’s a lot of mouths to feed, so if anyone has extra bugs, slugs, or worms let them know. You get the idea.  They were little, Mom was just rambling at a red light, but I’ll bet that BIRD MEETING pops into their heads when they a feathered gathering.  Besides, when you anthropomorphize creatures I think kids are less likely to harm them and more likely to empathize. Whimsy with a purpose. Wow.  I apologize.  This blog post is all over the place and as usual I had no plan.  I just sit down at the laptop and empty my brain.  It’s therapy for me and a sleep aid for you. Win-win! On that note I will wrap this up and go dance around the kitchen with a broom.  I used panko when making last night’s eggplant dinner and based on the crunch I heard under my slippers this morning I didn’t sweep it all up.  Your assignment for today is to seek out sweetness.  When you find it, hold on to it.  Take it like a vitamin every day for a healthy soul.   Have a cookie too, can’t hurt might help. XOXO

[call-me-rei]

Chapter 20

Ok, I'm SO SORRY that I haven't updated in over 3 months and that I'm complete trash. That seems to be the theme of my life (I promised my 1st grade friend that I would come to her birthday party in her class but I was late and by the time I made it down there it was time to go) but here I am, updating it 5:55 AM. Ple love me again but I promise I still love you. Also, can we talk about how much we love the new SWS record? Let's do that!

Anyway, here's this. Much love!

-----

"You want me here? Well then ask me to stay."

---

My breath caught in my throat as I stared at his face ever so slowly inching closer to mine. I'm not even sure I blinked.

"W-wh-what....are you....doing?" I stuttered, nerves apparent.

All Vic did was chuckle. He stared in my eyes as he tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear. "That was bothering me so much."

I finally blinked when everything registered. Vic didn't try to kiss me. Vic wasn't thinking about kissing me. I made the whole thing up in my head because of my dumb attraction for him. I'm an idiot.

"You okay, Kells?" he asked. I nodded sheepishly. "I'll go get you some water." I nodded again.

I breathed out a deep sigh once I couldn't see his frame in my line of sight. What was this boy doing to me? When did this crush get to this point? It felt like just yesterday I was annoyed by his mere presence. Now I was left breathless because I thought he was gonna kiss me?

Get a grip, Kellin.

I put my head in my hands and took some deep breaths. My heart was still racing, but somehow I managed to get it under control by the time Vic walked back in.

"You okay, Quinn?"

I looked up at him and nodded. He looked at me quizzically and handed me a bottle of water. "Thanks," I mumbled. I gulped the liquid until I had drunk about two thirds.

"Wow," Vic said. I looked at him. He blushed and shook his head. I couldn't help but smirk at him. "Should we get back to work?" he asked. I nodded.

"Let's do it."

***

Two hours had passed before we decided to take a break. Turns out we had so many ideas that we couldn't stop putting them together. Vic was a great songwriter; he seemed to just write about what was on his mind, yet it all came out so poetically. He was also an amazing guitar player, which I would've never believed since he told me that he can't read music. Melodies just seemed to come from the tunes he was humming and go to his fingers that played them on the strings. It was almost hypnotizing to watch.

I was so caught up in my Vic trance that I hadn't contributed much aside from writing lyrics. I wasn't very upset about it, considering that I love writing lyrics. There's something about putting pen to paper and spilling all the thoughts in your brain on a single page. It's like therapy.

"Hey," Vic called to me. I looked up from my book. "You wanna stay for dinner?" he asked. "It's getting late and my mom's about to start cooking. I can tell her to set an extra place, you know, if you want."

I suppressed the smile that wanted to peek through at his kindness and nodded. "Yeah, that sounds good."

"Cool." He stood up. "I'll be right back." I nodded again and watched as he walked out of the room. With a sigh, I fell back onto Vic's bed and massaged my wrist. I hadn't realized how much writing I'd done until I wasn't writing anymore.

I started to relax into the memory foam mattress as I stared up at the ceiling. It had gotten late, but I didn't need to call home. Mom was working double so she'd be home after midnight, even if she went to work early in the morning. The hospital really needed to do something about these schedules.

"Hey, Vic, can you-" I sat up at the sound of a voice I wasn't too familiar with. "Oh, it's you."

"Yup, I'm me." Mike gave me a funny smirk.

"Where's my brother?"

"He went downstairs to tell your mom I'm staying for dinner."

Mike nodded. "Cool." I nodded back. "So, you guys have been in here the whole time?"

"Yeah...," I said hesitantly. "Why?"

"No reason, just figured you two would've gotten tired of each other way before now." He chuckled. I was going to ask him to explain himself, but he beat me to it. "I remember the first time you came over to work on this project. I could hear you two arguing from downstairs."

I half-cringed, half-chuckled. Flashbacks of that day came to me. I had run out of the house because I thought that Vic knew I was gay.

Not my proudest moment.

"Anyway, I'm glad you guys are finally getting along." I smiled at Mike, a real, genuine smile. Believe it or not, I was also glad Vic and I were getting along. It was refreshing to see a softer side to him.

"What are you guys talking about?" Mike and my eyes shifted to the door where Vic had just begun to walk through.

"Just telling Kellin that you're lucky to be his friend."

Vic looked at his brother quizzically. "That doesn't make any sense."

"You're right, I should be telling you that." Mike shot me a quick wink before turning back to Vic. "Bro, you're lucky Kellin is your friend."

Vic rolled his eyes. "Get out of my room, you giraffe." I suppressed the laugh that so desperately wanted to get out at Vic's comment.

"Yeah, yeah, Quinn, laugh it up," Mike mumbled as he walked out.

"Anyway," Vic started as he made his way back to his desk, "Mom said dinner will be ready in about half an hour." I nodded.

"So, do you wanna keep working in the meantime or what?" I asked.

"Actually, I'd like to finish our conversation from earlier."

I cocked a questioning eyebrow. Vic raised his in response and the events from earlier flooded my mind.

"Oh."

"Is it awkward? I don't mean for it to be, I'm just curious."

"Awkward isn't the word I'd use."

"Then what word?"

I thought about it. "Uncomfortable, I guess."

Vic nodded. "Sure, I get it. Let's go back to the song. You might wanna leave after dinner so let's do what we can before then."

I smiled. "Thanks." Vic nodded. He picked his guitar up and strummed the strings.

"Alright, what do you think about..."

***

Dinner with Vic, Mike, and their mom was great. Not only was the food amazing, but the company wasn't too bad either. Vic and Mike were cracking jokes at the other's expense; their mom and I would just laugh at them silently as we talked. She asked about my family, what my parents did, if I had any siblings. She was a nice lady to talk to.

When we'd finished eating, I went back to Vic's room to collect my things. Since he drove me to his house, he offered to drive me back to mine. He was waiting in the car, so I took my time to make sure I wasn't leaving anything behind. Plus, I had a song in my head that pretty much distracted me from focusing in the first place. I found myself softly singing rather than making sure I was ready to go.

Once my things were packed up and I triple checked the room to make sure I had everything, I headed downstairs.

"It was nice to have dinner with you, Kellin," Vic's mom said.

I smiled warmly at her. "Thanks for letting me stay."

"Of course, anytime. Be safe getting home." She gave me a quick hug and opened the door for me. I thanked her again before walking out the door to Vic's car.

"Finally," he said when I opened the door.

"Shut up," I responded while I put my bag in the backseat.

I heard him chuckle from the front as I closed the back door and sat in my seat.

The ride to my house was almost deafeningly silent, but somehow not awkward. It was as if Vic didn't want to say anything and I was okay with it. The silence was starting to hurt my ears after a while, and I was starting to get bored. I stole glances at the guy next to me to see if I could tell what he was thinking. When I couldn't break through his poker face, I gave up and stared out the window. That pesky song that was in my head a few minutes ago had resurfaced.

I watched the streetlights pass us by as I continued to sing the song from earlier. About a minute passed from when I started that I heard a tapping sound. I fixed my sight on the direction I assumed the noise was coming from. Sure enough, Vic was tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.

Was he tapping along to my singing? Did he have his own song in his head? How would I be able to answer any of these questions?

I shook the thought from my head, not wanting to do anything to make this ride awkward. I went back to staring out the window and quietly singing. Before I knew it, Vic was pulling into my driveway.

"Thanks for the ride," I said with my hand on the handle.

"Wait." I stared at him in surprise. "That song you were singing...," he hesitated.

"Yeah?"

"You, uh, you...you can sing." I pondered if I should take offense to that. On the surface it sounded like a compliment, but he also sounded skeptical and surprised.

"Thanks?"

"I'm serious," he said with more confidence, "you have a really nice voice." I blushed at his compliment.

"Thank you," I said timidly.

"Maybe it wouldn't be the worst thing if you sang for our song." I smiled. "And maybe I was wrong for saying the shit I said."

"Wow, that almost sounded like an apology."

He rolled his eyes. "Alright, you were too cocky. Get out the car, Quinn."

I chuckled as a I opened the door. "Fine, but you can't take this away from me." Vic chuckled back while I took my bag from the backseat.

"Whatever KQ, have a good night."

"You too." I closed the door and walked up the steps of my porch to the front door. I looked back to see Vic still sitting in the car. I guess I assumed he'd drive away once I walked away.

I gave him a slightly awkward smile and a small wave that he returned. I took my keys from my pocket and unlocked the door.

I looked back again to see if he'd left. To my surprise he hadn't. I was about to text him and ask why he was being so weird before something caught my attention.

I swear I saw Vic bite his lip. I swear I saw a longing look in his eyes. I swear I saw him sigh before he looked to the front and drove away.