#aaaaaaa i feel the need to vent

[niebowplucach]

i am truly at my lowest right now oh my god. can someone just come and break my spine in half?

[famewolf]

I haven't touched BG3 or any game for that matter, in 2 weeks. work has been kicking my butt so hard that even on my weekends I have no motivation to do much at all

and because I have this expectation for myself to be putting time into the games I wanted to play, I feel pressured for some annoyingly unknown reason .... which them makes me less likely to do it lmao

I also realized that since it's been getting darker earlier, I keep thinking the day is done and that I don't have time to enjoy things ... when it's really only 6pm.

[belladonnafleur]

🛏️

[athymelyreply]

Why is my brain not WORKING. FUCK.

[bunnwich]

RENNN HOW YA DOING????

I’m here to be silly so I’m here to disturb ya!!!

If Yuuta was a mystic beast, what would they be? Also goes for Leona as well!!! Hehehe

AAAAAAA I'M GOOD. Soso idk if this is what you were looking for but I did take part in a Yokai Au with Yuuta once and I picked gyokuto (or a moon rabbit) for them.

Yokai!Yuuta Midori: The Jade Rabbit

🐇🍡🌙

Lives on the moon so if you need them you have to be looking up at the moon at night to call for them or for them to hear you.

Visits insomniacs and those who have trouble sleeping. ( if you stay up too late they will come down to give a sleepytime mochi and tell you to go the fuck to sleep) Sometimes if the circumstances are dire enough they will bonk you with their hammer to knock you unconscious.

Has rabbit assistants made of clouds that deliver mochi for Yuuta when they are busy. These small buns can float in the air and understand human languages. Careful they bite!

Will leave treats on your door when you are hungry and have been neglecting your health (dumplings and mochi if you are good) If you are sick or injured and call on them they will leave food filled with herbs and medicine you need to feel better and keep you company. You can vent to them or play card games.

To start a friendship you can leave Yuuta offerings of green and shiny things. They like human baubles and homemade foods. Just leave them on your window sill and this will entice them to come to visit. They are fond of matcha milk tea and cloud bread as treats.

Likes to play pranks on those who call them frivolously or when they don't actually need the food or help.

Is mostly a "peaceful" yokai but has a BAD temper and will hold grudges if you cross them or disrespect them. Watch your head! They will bonk you with their mochi hammer if you don't behave.

Are not fond of the daytime and when they are seen during the day they are extremely sleepy and prone to nap. You may find them sleeping under the shade of a tree in the gardens sometimes. Occasionally, they will steal some protective "sunglasses" from a human's face as they explore Night Raven College.

Yuuta is not the first or only lunarian to live on the moon, they were born after the previous gyokuto passed on.

--

Powers:

Yuuta has a slight glow to their form so they also function as a nightlight to those scared of the dark.

Gravity does not affect them, they can float, and they can jump really high. When they walk it has a weightless appearance as if they are walking on clouds.

Semi-Omniscient (limited), they can hear the calls of those who are hungry or awake past the witching hour.

Healing food. Their food is crafted with special properties that restore vitality and encourage rapid healing in the body.

--

Interactions:

Once Azul Ashengrotto tried to take advantage of Yuuta's gifts and sell their mochi and dumplings for profit. The next batch he got from them was super spicy and gave everyone the runs.

When they were a baby Yokai they were not as good at making mochi or dumplings. Often their batches were messy and falling apart. Ruggie Bucchi became one of their favorites after he found them crying by a dumpster after a failed delivery. But, the young hyena didn't care if they were "ugly looking" or fell on the ground, he ate them all anyway and they have been friends ever since.

After this night, they would come down to play with Ruggie and the kids in his neighborhood, exchanging food for playtime. Because of this, they have a soft spot for those in poverty and those who are hungry.

Yuuta once had a run-in with Leona Kingscholar as kids. And since he was just a spoiled rich kid asking for treats Yuuta has held that grudge ever since. Now enrolled at Night Raven College like their friend Ruggie, the man now is known to ask them to come down for no reason just to irritate them.

Yuuta takes pity on the Ramshackle inhabitants because they remind them so much of their friend. So they try to leave them food on nights when they are hungry or keep them company when they can not sleep. Aside from that, they try to stay out of any feuds between other Yokai and typically keep to their own petty business.

--

For Leona...because I am fond of them now for my original story and my OC I think a Shishi or stone lion dog would fit him! (I believe I saw you write something for him before as one!

Anyway, I love the idea for him

Something something, his main purpose being protection but instead he is this begrudgingly moody beast. hehe

[wyfy-meltdown]

Uhhhh vent post tw for eating disorder, depression, medication, suicide, and what not

Welp I think I'm going to turn the random spare account into a vent account because:

Currently not in public school due to the funky fresh nosdive my physical and mental health has taken

My anti-deppressants aren't working, meaning I have to go off them and switch to a new kind and I don't know how that'll effect me

My eating disorder is really annoying and fuckin me up real bad because I'm aware that I'm unhealthy thin but also the thought of being over 90 pounds makes me panic so I'm kinda just in limbo and I keep not eating and aaaaaaa

My face is super fucked up because I clawed the shit out of it during a mental breakdown and now I hate my appearance even more

My cats health is bad and there's nothing I can do about it because my family is barely able to buy groceries and so my cat might die which is especially bad because my mental health hinges on him, and if he dies I won't last long in my current mental state

The "old reliable" coping mechanisms are no longer working so I'm pretty fucked because I can't feel better no matter what I do

I keep having trauma flashbacks and reliving trauma in my nightmares

And my mom still won't take me to see a mental health professional despite literally having all the time and resources to do so. She is aware that I am suicidal and have expressed that to her many times, but still won't take me to a professional despite all the mental insanity. She's trying to help me herself, but she really can't on her own: it's VERY apparent I have some serious mental illnesses that need to be dealt with.

So ueah I'm losing my mind over here but I'm just going to vent on a sideblog and maybe try singing

[naffeclipse]

*Arrives at Internet Explorer Speed*

Hey guys! Those new chapter of Lack of Light, am I right??!

FDKHKFGH Sorry I needed to make a silly entrance back in your inbox Naff XD

But aaaaaa I finally came back to read these and I'm here with a brand new comment!! For the two chapters I was missing no less! :D

So let's get to it!

Ok so first off I don't know if I'm just looking too much into it but I read this line: "You rely on your eyes to adjust to the darkness" from th first paragraph and it just felt significant to the rest of the chapter, you know? Very literal but metaphorical at the same time!

And oooh something I definitely have to praise in this is the amazing description of the anguish through all the physical sensations that the reader is going through. I think I've mentioned before that when I read reader inserts I don't truly put my real self in the story but rather try to imagine it through the main characters eyes, but wow did I feel this one. The way you detail all those physical effects that anxiety has on the body, beautifully described through images and comparisons, just made it seem so very real. I basically could almost feel them myself, just remembering times when I had definitely experienced something similar, even if the causes were different! I will always applaud your descriptions, Naff! Makes me want to take notes!

And AAAAAAA I gotta say that I absolutely love how just, hrrrr, I'm struggling to find the words to describe it, but I would say how there's a clear parallel between what both Reader and Eclipse are going through?

Because ok, first of all, is the matter of hiding right? Reader seems to be trying to hide (kind of like Eclipse does his true self), but through a mask instead of blindness. Even through previous encounters they have tried to present themselves a very specific way. The unshakable one. Unaffected by everything, at least in a way that goes beyond mild funny venting. And it feels like something they force themselves to do in their daily life, beyond the forest. It's just they're so used to doing it, that it became a part of how they perceive themselves and failing to do so feels to them like they're showing a part of themselves that is intolerable. And aaaaa then Eclipse also because clearly he must have enough experience having met other humans to know that even those that dared stay after learning of his presence ran away after seeing him. So both hide and hide while they wish for more and hate themselves for it, and might even think they don't deserve it.

(Sidenote: I love this description: "The mysterious being who exists in pure darkness, cast by the sun and the moon." Obviously because it references his name (be it a solar or lunar eclipse), but also because it reminds of his strange nature. Because an Eclipse is an event! A phenomenon that is not exactly a natural object, but something that can only be seen under the right conditions!)

And oooh speaking about Eclipse and hiding, I just love the contrast between Eclipse's darkness coming from being unseen vs the darkness born from emptiness. Because Reader so far hasn't been daring at all in pushing to see him, because they fear the latter. Eclipse's nature is intimidating, and it's often said that we fear not the darkness itself, but what we might find in it. But here it's the contrary! Both Reader and Eclipse fear that potential emptiness. They have found company in each other thanks to the darkness, but should something go wrong (pushing too much or scaring the other one away), they would find themselves staring into the void and nothing else.)

And that exactly leads into the doubts about what the other thinks once they've revealed themselves! And it's so interesting how they fear so intensely that the "flaw" they see in themselves, which are kinda opposite, is what will make the other regret meeting them. Like for Reader is that vulnerability, that inability to be perfect about everything that hits them in their daily life and dealing easily with it. They fear their "weakness" will disgust a great being as Eclipse. And for Eclipse is fearing that his form, great, strange, intimidating, monstrous, is what will leave him without his dear one. His very nature enough to drive them away. When in reality, it's likely those very things that made them initially appealing to the other! The Reader a precious little creature, that despite not having horns or sharp teeth lives their daily life bravely (enough to befriend a shadowy being). And Eclipse, a fascinating and fearsome creature, that despite it all demonstrates he's gentle and kind and capable of becoming that friend that provides the most comfort in Reader's life!

Ooooh I just adore how two very different beings, with way more differences than similarities, still have this experience in common. That fear and uncertainty about letting themselves be known, because past experience has thought them it's unwise, and yet they find relief from that terrible all-consuming anxiety when they let themselves trust that this time it will be different and that it is worth it, even if it is raw, to open up and let the right person in.

Now for Mothman Moon!

Just starting and the Reader is already turning the headlights on and off repeatedly jfhdsgkh Prime conditions for Mothman sightings! XD

Oooh I love how you build up the paranoia! Different situations, but it makes me think when it's late at night and for whatever reason you need to go out in a hallway of your home and you gotta reassure yourself that no, there's nothing lurking in the shadows of your home, be an adult and walk calmly jghdkfsj The feeling of being exposed and on edge is so very well achieved! But also all the little hints, like the raven falling quiet. And that instinctual feeling of being watched! Related to all this, I adore this line: "Your optimism slips in the slightest before you yank it back up by the throat and continue marching along." I felt that in my soul fkijhdfgkñjh

Aaaa I love how everything falls quiet at the flapping of wings! Everything knows to be quiet and freeze. And I love Reader is part of that everything. Like they are connected to the forest around them by virtue of not wanting to draw attention to themselves, something they share with all the creatures around.

And oooooo such a spooky sight when we finally get a glimpse of him!! Kinda gave me the urge to hold my breath as well as I read! Just the sight of the glowing red eyes coming from a shadow within the fog would paralyze anyone for sure! And then gjhfdkg poor Reader just shifts horror flavor from Creature-in-the-forest-that-could-kill-me to Stranger-Danger. Pick your poison and all that XD But man that instinct does seriously kick in when a stranger gives us bad vibes huh?

(As a sidenote, I love how you've given the different readers between chapters different responses to fear! Like the first chapter with Sun had Fight if I remember correctly, then the second chapter had Fawn, which I think it's trying to please to prevent from being harmed, even if the fear wasn't so much of Eclipse but of abandonment, and in this one we have Freeze! Which we see twice when Moon first appears and then when the car races towards them!)

Oh. My gosh??? The fact that Moon is just able to take on a car that's going full speed though?? Damn! And oooh he was not happy. He does not appreciate assholes/downright murderers in this area. (Btw I can't help but think that he did in fact break that second light slower on purpose to seem more menacing fjkhdaskjh)

Aaaa it's fascinating how he seems so perplexed by the Reader's response to everything that just happened! Like he doesn't quite understand the freeze response. It's something animals do as well, but I'm guessing if it doesn't work then most would ultimately run from the danger. It's probably the first instance of this he has encountered! And poor reader seems to just be very badly affected by it, physically as well as mentally judging by the lightheadedness.

(sidenote: "He looms, his wings flaring out beside him in magnificent flares of warnings and death." Me, helpless DCA simp, vivid image of the majestic view in my head: Um yes, hi, hello? 👉👈 GFÑLKDJHGÑLJ)

And aaaaa I loved the flight scene! I myself am pretty scared of heights so I likely would have screamed gkjhfdksj but! I love that we continue the theme of braving a bit of the fear to discover something wonderful! Despite my fear of heights I've always imagined how wonderful it would be to have wings and this scene just striked me as something terrifying yet beautiful because it really is an experience that Reader wouldn't get anywhere else! And despite the polarizing feelings of fear and safety just warring inside of them, the wonder was just so tangible as Moon carried them through the air!

And ooo I find it so interesting how he refers to multiple things as the "lights", which from his perspective must be the most notable characteristic of the stuff that emanates it! It's clear he's familiar with cars, and likely has witnessed what happens when one hits a living thing. And the light of the gas station tells him that it's a place humans go to. So he knows it's not just lights, but he still seems to perceive it as their most important characteristic. Aaaa I'm so curious about what the world looks like to him because of this!

And ough it's so sweet he keeps watch over them as they go trying to get the help they need. It seems to me he finds them really intriguing and the fact that he gave them his name could mean he hopes it will not be their last meeting!

And that's that!

Aaaaaa everytime I come back to your writing I keep being taken by surprise by how well you manage to make the reader immerse themselves in the story! Your descriptions are so vivid and your use of the language so *chef kiss*! Everytime I'm just dying to know what's the word that follows the previous one, what will happen, and when that tasty tension you build so well will reach it's snapping point! This little series was a delight to read and a very nice journey into what fear and darkness means to different people. And of course, meeting some very strange and fascinating creatures that make the unknown not as bad as it seemed <3

Thanks for this delicious chapters Naff! It's always a delight reading what you make! 

(Sorry if something is phrased weirdly btw, it’s kinda late as I’m writing this fgkjhdsk)

AHHH CHAOTIK! HI, HELLO! WELCOME BACK!!! I'm so glad to see you in my inbox again!!

Oh, I am rattling you so hard right now! I live for your analysis and I especially love that you caught how much Eclipse and Y/N complement and contrast each other—the same fears but different reasons. They are dear ones, your honor!!!

And Moon! My Mothman!Moon! He's so much fun to write! I'm really glad you enjoy his spooky entrance and his descriptions!

Also, with the readers, that's so funny that it changes from Fight, Fawn, and Freeze! I meant for Mothman's Y/N to freeze but I also think it's neat to explore different responses to fear, so I'm happy that stood out!

(He did break the second car light slowly—he's so dramatic lol)

He does have a different view of the world due to lights—humans have lights. Humans drive with them, live with them, and are afraid without them. Lights are just as foreign as those humans! But he does have a particular interest in Y/N—they were almost hit by the lights themselves. It's now every time he sees that, but he was curious from how they froze to how they were terrified yet in awe of flying. He even finds them cute but doesn't expect to see them again! But Y/N has plans of venturing back to the words with the mothman hehe

Gah, thank you so much, Chaotik! I love how in-depth you go and reading your thoughts makes my day, babe! <3

[bunny584]

IM OKAY

This is gonna be long, bear with me

Come sit with me, Bunbun, I brought hot cocoa (and also liquor if you need it)

First of all, thank you. I don't think I say it enough, but thank you, thank you, thank you. If it wasn't for you, I don't think I would have gotten into writing JJK stuff nearly as quickly as I did. Your writing continues to get me all fluffy and happy, and encourages me to keep writing

There's something about like...medical angst that's just different. I dunno how to put it. Maybe I get edgy sometimes and get the urge to write my own medical angst, but I'm always so nervous about getting it wrong, so I'm definitely delighted to see how you do it. Especially considering your knowledge! I do my best to research and understand, but it's still one of those things that makes me a bit nervous as I don't want to represent anything incorrectly

Next

I don't think that different forms of grief are shown a lot, one of which includes sex, so I'm happy to see a new depiction of grief in a story. Especially coming from you! I admire you a lot for a bunch of reasons ❤️ it always fascinates me to see how the thoughts of other people process and appear on paper (or text), and I get so damn giddy when you post a new update (or in general) because it's, like...there's one of my fav authors! You make me fangirl, damnit.

This whole chapter was just a wild ride, from the boys struggling, like Satoru taking it out on Sugaru (pls give the man some extra love and kisses :( ) to just the whole chaos, to Mama Darling, TO THE FUCKIN PREGNANCY REVEAL?? THEN THE LOSS???? AAAAAA THAT HIT LIKE A SUCKER PUNCH, the boys were SO close to being papas :c </3 hhhhhhhh your writing is so good but FUCK I weep for each baby involved, literal and emotional </3 I know I gotta be patient but I can’t wait for them to get back on that baby-making grind. I’ll be a good girl, I swear, so I’ll dream whilst I wait for another gift from you

Next next

Whenever I think about posting my stories, I get nervous because I'm a shy, praise-whore of a bean, but it's also because I wanna make a good impression on someone who I love and look up to reading my stuff. Like, "this author is so good, I hope they like my writing, too," type of deal. I'm bad at articulating my own feelings BFKFBFKDN I’m so antsy about you reading my fic because I want you to like it aaaaaaa (mildly related, I did a TINY rewrite of the pianist!Satoru fic to make it better, and by tiny I mean that I just went back in with a thesaurus lmao)

Lastly! 

I'm okay! I'm a strong girl, I got this, I CAN DO IT FOR YOU

AND I DID!

I can do it for your writing because it's worth it! Plus, crying can be very cathartic! I very much approve of using writing/reading as an emotional outlet to vent out one's feelings and get that sweet, sweet catharsis. The only part I don't like about crying is how stuffy my nose gets. I'm unable to blow my nose because it plugs my ears hardcore which drives me insane and makes me dizzy, but otherwise it can be so freeing. Even if the heart hurts, I know you have the power to mend the cracks and breaks with lacquer and gold dust

It makes me happy that you consider my heart, by the way ❤️ don't be afraid to write whatever your heart desires, even if it hurts! I know we'll be here for each other through and through to heal our souls 

(P.S. you're beautiful, both inside and out ❤️ yellow suits you, like the sun 💛)

BABY!!!!! My sweet girl. I was waiting for when you’d forgive me enough for that hell of a chapter I promise heaven is coming soon.

Okay, let’s talk about it.

1. Hi, you don’t ever have to thank me for writing. Your loyal readership, constant support, and incredible, insightful comments are thanks enough. You are one of my favorites, I do hope I’ve made it abundantly clear.

2. Medical angst is god tier. Its raw. Its omnipresent. With your technical writing skill you’d carry it out, flawlessly.

3. You always make me blush like a fool when you compliment my work in ways I don’t deserve 😭😭😭 I’ve already warned you! Affection means I fall first and hard and that’s a natural disaster for all parties involved??? In all seriousness, the way you respond to my words on paper is…probably one of the most beautiful things to come out of this hobby I picked up last October.

4. You are insanely talented. Tether me is incredible. My commentary is in my drafts because I wrote as I read. You’ll be receiving a full, unhinged review tomorrow. And to this day, Pianist! Satoru takes the cake for my favorite take on that boy.

5. I know you’re strong. And you can take what I dish out. It doesn’t stop the pause I have before I hit publish 😅 there are a few of you. With pretty, pretty tender souls that I know have put me in time out at least a time or two with the recent infusion of angst/hurt. Quietly I wonder if you guys will come back to me. I’ve been lucky so far that you always do.

Whew, getting me a lil emotional. To my curly haired soulmate - I adore you, thank you for being here and being you 💕

[dragabond]

Vent warning, again, bc AAAAAAA

I’m probably overthinking it or looking into shit too much but I’ve been feeling like a friend or two of mine are upset with me or just avoiding me for some reason and I wanna ask about it but also no I don’t bc like, maybe they just are busy or don’t know what to talk about or something but hhhhhhh…..

My brain has been overthinking abt it the last week or so and it’s not been a fun time. It’s to the point where I go “oh I should show/talk about this thing with them!” and then pause and decide not to bc they haven’t been responsive to any private messages and things for a while so I’m just Die

I’m probably just overthinking it I just need to like….. work past the negative thoughts and feelings abt it all

[halfmoth-halfman]

OMGGG I'm sure you've heard this so much but the finale was SO GOOD HOLY SHIT. I started the fic a couple days ago and had to take a break from it bc angst was getting to me BUT I WAS SICK TODAY AND I BINGED THE ENTIRE THING AND HOLY FUCKING WOAH THAT WAS DIABOLICALLY GOOD.

ANYWAY I just had an idea for the epilouge:

you could make it so she's standing in her fathers office, just looking around the place and soaking in memories, when suddenly his fucking GHOST appears out of nowhere (like in that one chapter) and berates her for letting Graves treat her like that/letting his estate get fucked up - then she fucking DRILLS into him and he finally admits that hes proud of her or something. also I feel like if Canary brings up therapy to him he'd be like "what the fuck i did NOT raise you to be a pussy 😐💀"

also I kinda want more ghost content in the epilouge. i want that man to go to therapy WITH canary and they both vent about their problems and the therapist is just sitting there like "😨"

AAAAAAA YAY I'M SO GLAD YOU ENJOYED IT!!!!!

i know it def gets intense during the second half, but that's why i want to make sure there's an extra fluffy ending to make up for all the nonsense canary had to go through!!

saldkjasd adler does strike me as the kind of guy who would be like "you don't need therapy??? i never got therapy and i'm fine" while he is very clearly not fine. like i don't think he'd ever say canary was weak for getting therapy, but it's more like it's just something that he would never have considered.

ghost def needs therapy, but i think that's something he'd have to do on his own or would only feel comfortable going with support from soap or maybe roach. i can def see him getting the push to go while looking for therapists for canary tho!!! but i feel like if he and canary went together to the same therapist then that might be a bit too much for one person to handle LOL

[sttoru]

Girly idk how I wasn't following you still, tumblr isn't stupid, I'm sorry that you are feeling on the outskirts of the fandom as well. You are a wonderful person and writer, and I'm glad you’ve been growing as you have been. You deserve so much more love!! 💕

It does make me feel like there is something wrong with me or like in off putting when i see several big blogs talking to each other, boosting each other. But then I drop in, just say hi to be friendly, only to be ignored. When they are literally responding to various anons or other people.

It seems like they want to talk to everyone else but me. Which has me feeling like I'm in the wrong, I'm bothersome and unwanted in the fandom space. They don't have to talk to me, but my feelings are still gonna be hurt at being shunned by 90% of the blogs I try to interact with.

It does kill my motivation since I don't want to be seen as someone who just posts. I want to be seen as a friend and someone to talk to.

I understand that some people get along better than others. But damn so many people are having this problem it seems like. It's boiling down to popular blogs like other popular blogs, boost other popular blogs and they stay the main people in the fandom eyes whole everyone sits quietly in the side just wanting to be partly including

Feel free to rant right back if need be. Cause I get needing to get this shit off your chest, cause I sure as hell needed to

hiii feyyy !!! dwww, it’s all good :> thank u sm for ur nice words aaaaaaa u r as well, one of the writers on here that i respect 4 their hard work !

gonna vent a bit haha need to get some things off my chest too like u said;

i get ur first point!! it sucks rlly. especially when you are the first one reaching out (which takes a lot of courage, especially for someone socially awkward like me lol) and then it hurts DOUBLE because you get ignored. i get ittttt rlly. for me, i always try to reply ppl even if im a bit late because im either thinking of a proper response or am distracted or busy , but i never intentionally ignore anyone interacting with me. i know some ppl on here do bcs they don’t feel entitled to respond to comments or anons or whatev, which is like ? ok. but if it’s someone just being friendly and complimenting you / your work … it’s not hard to reply w a form of gratitude . some rlly think they’re celebrities on here and it needs to stop

and it’s understandable and totally valid to feel like you’re being shunned and unwanted by people you just want to befriend , only for them to ignore you / not interact with you but with everyone else :/ it sucks and ppl don’t seem to realise that it could hurt other’s feelings. i hope you know that you’re not unwanted tho! those people are just… idk, a bit weird (ofc im only talking abt people who INTENTIONALLY ignore others)

findjng a friend on tumblr with the same interest is like a chore. you either click instantly or you think you do, only for it to be fore 2 interactions max and then you go back to ignoring each other basically on dash

AND YOUR LAST POINTS!! so true. its that the more popular blogs just stick together and help each other out when ??? there are smaller blogs of writers / artists just sittng in the sidelines like ‘ok so what do i have to do to gain traction if the people with a bit of bigger platforms are totally ignoring me & my works’

it’s actually tiring. ofc, me having 3k followers — i am suuuuper grateful, not complaining much, but i also know how it feels. my notifications are super dry except for mainly likes, my dms are like a desert, inbox is 98% only of anons who drop requests and then leave without leaving anything else. no one to talk to, except for people who leave a comment every once in a while :/

like u may think bcs i have decent following i actually gain more interactions? not rlly. only likes & sometimes reblogs w tags. that’s all really, i don’t really have anyone on here who i consider a close online friend (as much as this sounds sad & cringy LMAOO) but its tiring to see everyone be so close to each other on dash while im on the side like ‘how nice it must be to get that much interaction’

& im sure there are people who r gonna say ‘just interact with them’ I DO and i either get left on read or they respond dryly / or i don’t get the same energy back. bcs sometimes im reluctant to reach out first because it always ends up w me taking the initiative & i end up looking desperate to get an interaction with a mutual LOL

anyways thinking abt this tumblr writing community makes my head ache bcs of all the things ive seen and experienced on here (also on my prev account which i had for 2 years)

[whentherewerebicycles]

hoo boy I am: still exhausted!!! I have spent the entire day interview prepping and have produced good solid answers for every question on the list. I still have a lot to do aaaaaaaaa… they want me to answer 8 substantive questions in 20 min (HOW) so I need to pare down my initial answers and practice them so they’re SUPER concise but still sound natural/off-the-cuff. but I feel good about my answers and I’d be surprised if I don’t knock it out of the park tomorrow. haha I mean KNOCK ON WOOD obviously there’s a lot I can’t control and I have no idea how they’ll feel about me as a person!!!! but as a candidate I know my shit and am a great fit for this role as it’s written. sigh ok might put interview prep aside and come back to it with fresh eyes a bit later. I also have to finish these stupid graphics by tomorrow aaaaaaa too much to do aaaaaaaaa ok no wait I think I’ll make myself do that while I watch the game. let’s map out the rest of the day.

2-3pm meal plan for the week, place grocery order, take a mindless scroll break, rest and regroup for the evening

3-4 walk the dogs and call liz (review my answers/anecdotes with her)

4-6 watch hockey. during the game + intermissions I need to finish these workflow graphics, pick up my grocery order, cook dinner, shower, and boil vinegar on the stove

6-7ish landlord fixes dryer vent (I’ll hang out in my office and work on distilling my answers to bullet points from 6-8ish)

try to stop working around 8ish so I can wind down for a 9:15 bedtime

then tomorrow I’ll try to be up by 5:30, do interview practice until 7:30ish, shower/get ready for my meetings from 9-11:30, then use 11:30-12:30 to review before 12:30 interview

[sketchmouse-art]

after being forgotten once by the leasing office, i have a move in date for july 15th. i'm hoping that there's no more issues because i'm chomping at the bit to get out of this apartment.

gotta vent a bit about my living situation under the cut

like 8ish years ago my brother and i moved into an apartment together, around that time i was just starting an office job and it was my first time getting steady pay and i was so happy to feel some sense of security. and i was okay living with him. we maybe weren't the neatest but that's okay, we tried to keep things clean.

a couple years in, he brought this girlfriend and her cat to live with us. didn't consult me before hand, she was just there and moved into his room. and i guess i'm kind of a doormat because i didn't say anything.

things were fine early on but gradually i felt pushed out of common spaces until i spent 90% of the time i'm home in my room. my brother would drink, and some nights he'd get loud and angry at stupid shit (like just stop playing CoD because it doesn't sound fun). my anxiety went through the roof and all i could think about is what if we get another noise complaint, what if they evict us??

i also have cleaning complaints. again, i'm not the neatest person in the world but i don't leave food crumbs all over the living room carpet, or a half-full pot of food to rot on the stove. there are 3 cats between the three of us, only one of them is mine but i'm the only one maintaining the cat box. it was so FRUSTRATING, i didn't sign up to parent other adults.

i don't hate my brother, i really don't. the main reason i never moved out was because i was afraid he would not be able to afford to stay our current apartment without me, and i did not want to put him in a bad situation. i'm also very bad at talking about things though, but it came out at the beginning of the summer and we talked it over. so he knows i care about him but i can't thrive here, and he will be okay here without me.

so now i'm excited (and anxious but that's pretty much my default state). the idea of having a space that i can make to fit my needs and comfort means so much right now. aaaaaaa this is gonna be a long two weeks

[astrxealis]

ngl i lowkey kinda ehh rbing ask games myself now bcs i rmbr the last few times i have, literally no one ever sends in an ask 😭💔 (dw abt it tho aaa no pressure n all ofc and i don't rlly mind)

[purinpet]

vent in the tags 👍👍 feeling shitty el oh el

[crowrelli]

woop woop.... thats the sound of my screams..