#a.i. art is garbage

[hellyeahheroes]

Why It's Morally Okay to Steal A.I. Artwork by the Jimquisition

[fantasygerard2000]

It's funny how WISH was criticized for having "bad animation." The claims made by faux critics is that it's copying Spider-verse.

Anyone who's actually known about animation other than being a "fan" knows that Spider-verse does not own the "hybrid 3D-2D" style. Hell, The Last Wish was literally praised for "imitating it."

This is interesting because in the late 2000's, Disney had originally made Tangled, back then as "Rapunzel Unbraided" to look like a moving painting.

They scrapped this idea because they don't have the technology for a software at the time, but still kept the hand drawn vibes on the character design.

Heck, Disney even made short films to test if they can make a full film in this hybrid style. WISH just happens to be the perfect film for them to make a full feature in this style of animation.

They even use the style in some of their movies in brief scenes like in Raya and Strange World.

Other criticisms about WISH's animation that it looks like Sofia the First or that it's colorless are just goat crap complaints mostly because "it's different".

The "rumor" that WISH was originally going to be animated in 2D is just false. Disney had numerous made statements that most of their newer original films were intended to be animated in hand drawn, but don't have the time and budget to do so. "Oh, they're a billion dollar company, why can't they just hire hand drawn animators?" Simple reason, either they are retired, working on other projects, teaching at art schools or are still working at Disney, doing character animation for the 3D artists to follow. So, making a film purely for the sake of "bringing back 2D animation" is not worth getting these animators back.

2D animation was DYING during the 2000's. The reason why Princess and the Frog failed to bring 2D animation back was because of its writing, being released alongside Live Action Pocahontas Blue Edition, and that its mostly tied to the Disney staples that were criticized at the time.

Even if WISH was 2D animated, people will still criticize it. Which just shows that the animation alone, regardless of style cannot carry a movie.

Dismissing a work and calling it A.I garbage all because you hate the company behind it is just apathetically insulting the artists and animators who are just doing their job. A job that they are at risk losing to the things you are comparing them to.

[tieflingkisser]

saying that "generative a.i. lets disabled people create art" is so fucking condescending, as if there aren't many tools that exist or could exist to ACTUALLY facilitate creativity, as if stolen slop is the best disabled people have to offer

don't you dare tell me, a disabled person who used to do art daily and can't anymore, that this generative a.i. garbage is for my benefit

[crispy-ghee]

Was just on YouTube when I saw one of the ‘Shorts’ little vids, talking about some sports facts about Larry Bird. But instead of old pics or vids-it was all AI generated and I was amazed because it was clear that the A.I. when it generated its version of Larry had aparently “Improved” Larry’s looks. And I con honestly say I was rather horrified by it!

I have never found him handsome, but I never thought he was ugly either. But it really made me appreciate Larry’s unique and unconventional looks. Especially seeing the A.I version next to a real picture of him and your wonderful fan art.

Larry Bird's appeal to me is that he's not conventional, yeah. I know that I was known for a bit for drawing handsome men, but I love me a good unconventional face--especially putting him up against Magic Johnson, who I would argue is a pretty handsome man.

I can only *imagine* what an AI "improved" Larry would look like and I kind of don't wanna know, the thought horrifies me haha

I've already seen some hacks trying to sell ai-generated magic and larry merch out there and the results were definitely horrifying. keep that garbage away from my dudes

[racefortheironthrone]

I'd rec putting search terms like this: -"alamy" -"stable diffusion" -"ai" -"midjourney" -"open art" -"prompthunt" -"freepik" -"lexica" -"dall-e". It cuts down drastically on the "A.I." garbage you find on Google.

Oh, that’s very helpful! I wonder if there’s a way to build a preset filter with those terms…

[imaginariumnexus]

Art motivation has been flatlined lately. Every now and again I think, hm, it's been awhile and I kind of miss making art, but then I see some A.I.-regurgitated garbage floating around and it instantly deflates any desire to make art.

It's not just the A.I. that's causing this. But it's just that added weight to the load.

I'm just burned out in general.

[genuinenoprize]

Seeing this from r/MMORPGs of all places helped cement that this cultural moment around A.I. is making people into useful idiots for corporations.

Just being written by a human does not mean "Fetch me 5 dire squirrel pelts" has personality, or conveys a message, or is part of a story. Videogames are chock full of miserable dialogue that exists to fill dialog boxes, from writers who treat writing like a boring office job, because it is their boring office job. That's corporate writing for you.

And I didn't realize until now that this is why statements like this have been getting under my skin. Why claim to care about the human element while simping for companies like Blizzard and Square Enix, some of the woest places to work in the videogame industry? How little self awareness could one have, to be condemning how art gets flattened into "just content" on r/MMORPGs?

For reference, Final Fantasy 14, which has the reputation for being the best written MMO, Final Fantasy Game, or just best written Game depending on who you ask, did this in 2020:

If more than 1/10 of what you're writing gets thrown out and the only thing missing from your story is a headache, there's something wrong. Not to mention how this article that is praising the game describes this writing: "unless you like old MMORPG dialogue, for some reason". This shit sucks and everyone knows it.

Videogames are full of brilliant, varied, nuanced and touching stories, but holding up MMO sidequest throwaway dialogue is such a terrible example that it makes me wonder if people could even tell the difference.

If you find yourself defending corporate writing that is otherwise treated as literal garbage to be thrown away for everyone's benefit, because "at least" a human was stuck behind a desk writing it, you are worried about the wrong machine. (it's capitalism, the other machine is capitalism)

[madamegixxysticks]

There's one thing AI art will never have...

And that's actually more than one thing.

First of all, originality. Do I need to go deeper?

Second thing, pride, it's about as easy a writing an A. A SINGLE letter. And should give you the same emotions of writing an A, NOTHING!

And last but not least...

Love.

Art created by a human, from the primal doodle of a small child to the Mona Lisa and beyond is created with passion, pride, and should give you a sense of joy and love.

So basically, may I ask, WHY do we feel the need for this A.I garbage? There's no need to be shy about looking up a tutorial or two and the likes of actually learning to do art.

[madseance]

robocalypse probably never: a.i. & art

I used to be a professional graphic designer. I quit for a variety of reasons. Like the time I wanted to teach a couple of my coworkers Photoshop, and my boss said, "Well, if you do that, what will I need you for?" Or the fact that none of my superiors could genuinely tell that my work was any better than what they could whip up in Canva. It absolutely was; but if they couldn't see it, did it matter?

I've thought about this a lot lately with all the A.I. business going on. The whole "will A.I. replace artists/writers/etc" conversation seems to be focused on whether A.I.-generated content can ever be as good as human art. Whether it will ever be, in every perceivable way, equivalent to human art.

I don't think that's the right question, though, and I don't think that's what's really bothering people. It's not what's really bothering me.

When I quit graphic design, I went back to school to study biology and psychology, with vague ideas of maybe switching into computer science and A.I. learning. I presented one paper about affective computing, thought about it a bit more, and decided it wasn't the field for me.

I don't think a computer can ever meaningfully simulate being human; I don't think we'll ever see the kind of truly indistinguishable A.I. everyone always thinks is just around the corner. I'm not worried that an algorithm with a typewriter will ever produce Shakespeare.

What worries me is that, whenever computers do reach their limits of simulated creativity, whatever slapdash approximation of human art they're able to produce will be good enough for most people. That they won't be able to tell any meaningful difference, the same way my boss thought anybody who could work Photoshop could replace me.

Right now, there are no end of websites pushing A.I. tools to generate blog posts and essays and articles purported to be equivalent to or better than human-written ones. Websites are already full of their output. If you're looking solely at things like that, it can feel like there soon won't be any place for human writing. The same with all the A.I.-generated "art". If everyone's so impressed with the seven-fingered image mashup nonsense these tools crank out, maybe there's no point in humans even bothering to make their own art anymore.

But there are two things I've been thinking about that contradict that.

One: I've touched on this a bit, but all the A.I. generated stuff ranges from amusing nonsense on the high end, down to absolute incoherent garbage. However good it's supposedly going to get any minute now, it's going to have limits. As a friend just pointed out to me, it sure can't fucking physically paint yet. I can definitely see art that is fully outside A.I.'s wheelhouse becoming more valuable because of that. Even with writing, just to take one example, everyone who's paying for it on the internet right now knows that there are a few things A.I. is okay at and a fuckload it's bad at. Even the content farms are saying "do not submit A.I.-generated garbage to us." If you want good writing, you need a human. Humans who can fucking write may end up being more valuable thanks to A.I., not less.

Two: This one's a little less concrete, but I think it should be even more important, because I think there are more important things about art than its monetary value. Even though my ex-boss probably still thinks Canva is better than me, I fucking know better. And there are quite a few other people who know better, too. One time, my workplace did this pop culture event, and I made a flier for it that I knew the target audience would think was cool. And I was right, because not only did it help bring in record numbers of attendees, one girl literally asked me to print her a fresh copy of the flier to keep with her other souvenirs of the event. No one ever fucking did that about a flier a coworker bashed out in five minutes using clipart.

My point is, you cannot make art for the 75% or 90% or 99.99998% of people, as the case may be, who can't tell the difference between it and computer-simulated garbage. You already don't. You don't make it for the people who don't get it; you make it for the ones who do. No matter how much of a content-farmed corporate hellscape the world of professional creativity becomes, you have to ultimately be in it for those rare moments where it connects with somebody. Those are not going away unless the machines replace every single human with a Terminator or whatever the fuck.

So no, I'm not really that worried about A.I. replacing me any more than I'm worried about ignorance and apathy replacing me. The SEO-content-monetisation-engagement drones are more than welcome to keep asking chatbots to generate shitty blog posts for each other to not read. It doesn't have any more to do with me than it ever did.

[harrelltut]

MOTHER Say... MICHAEL [ME] EXTRA [ME] DARK CARBON [D.C.] ENERGY KING of SUPERCONSCIOUS ATLANTIS in ANU GOLDEN 9 Ether [AGE] America [MU]

U.S. MILITARY KING SOLOMON-MICHAEL HARRELL, JR.™

ARCHANGEL MICHAEL'S SPIRITUALLY LEGAL ORAL ORACLE ART HISTORY of ATLANTIS [HA = HARRELL] in America [HA = HATTUŠA]

ANTEDILUVIAN 9 ETHER ANCESTORS HEAR ME... SINCE EYE ANCESTOR [SEA] ME

EYE NEVER DIE... EYE JUST QUANTUM LEAP 2 MY NEXT ANCIENT IMMORTAL [A.I.] LIFE FROM THE FUTURE of Highly Official... U.S. ÆGIPTIAN QUANTUM HARRELL TECH [QHT] LLC

POP CULTURE AMERICAN [CA] HISTORY IS GARBAGE 

we separated from the peasants - MU

HEIL HARRELL!!!

you know absolutely nothing about our ancient secret 9 ether ægiptian underground DEUTSCH military societies of anu golden 9 ether [sage] atlantis in america [mu]

[sourcesandsignificance]

4. The Impact of AI Art on Concept Art

“Everyone is looking for the hack - the secret to success without hard work.”

— OpenAI CEO, Sam Altman

Nowadays, more and more diversified AI is being developed. With the emergence of various AI tools, we are increasingly accustomed to using AI to get the answers we want. There’s also a growing trend that integrating AI into our workflows is becoming essential—otherwise, we risk being left behind. However, the emergence of AI also allows us to rethink the significance of creativity for us as human beings. I don't think AI can replace human creativity. There are two reasons for this:

1. AI's Creations Depend on Reorganizing Huge Databases

Most people know that AI operates by sourcing data from vast databases on the internet to generate specific solutions or summarize information. But the critical question is: Where does this huge database come from?

This vast repository is built from human contributions—thoughts, opinions, and original works uploaded by individuals worldwide. People create these databases through their independent thinking, effort, and judgment ability. AI, however, does not scrutinize the quality of this database. As the saying goes, “garbage in, garbage out.” If the database is filled with flawed or biased content, the AI outputs will likely reflect the same flaws.

In contrast, human creation is profoundly different because of our unique life experiences. After analyzing and absorbing vast amounts of data or visual references, we infuse our creations with personal insights, emotions, and narratives, which allow our work to resonate with others. AI lacks this essence—it merely assembles the closest approximation of an answer based on instructions. Without lived experience, I don't believe AI outputs can truly be called "works."

“Generative A.I. art is vampirical - feasting on past generations of artwork even as it sucks the lifeblood from living artists. Over time, this will impoverish our visual culture.”

— Molly Crabapple

2. Ethical and Copyright Issues in AI

As mentioned, AI relies on large datasets to generate its outputs, often raising ethical and copyright concerns. One notable controversy involves AI-generated images. For instance, in one case, an AI drawing bot streamed its process live on Twitch. Someone stole the partially completed sketch, fed it into an AI tool, and re-posted the recreated image on another platform.

Another example involves AI tools that can simply replicate a specific artist’s style by typing in their name. In both scenarios, artists’ works are used without consent, serving as raw material for AI databases, producing similar outputs. Such practices are harmful and deeply disrespectful to the artists who poured effort and emotion into their creations.

Artists share their work on social media to express their ideas and build their presence, not to have their creations exploited for unauthorized AI use. If this continues unchecked, it may discourage artists from sharing their works altogether, robbing the world of genuine creativity.

Conclusion

Perhaps the use of AI is now inevitable—after all, in a capitalist society, AI significantly reduces costs. However, if we fail to address these issues, our future could be flooded with soulless works of art lacking genuine emotional connection.

AI is just a tool, but our attitudes and approaches are the real issue. If we blindly embrace the convenience AI offers without questioning its implications, we risk losing the uniqueness and depth that define us as human beings.

Let us not forget that while AI can assist, creativity remains an inherently human trait. Our experiences, emotions, and ethics breathe life into art and innovation.

Reference

Corralldesign (n.d.) 'AI harm & hypocrisy,' Corralldesign. Available at: https://www.corralldesign.com/writing/ai-harm-hypocrisy (Accessed: [6 Jan 2025]).

ICANHELP (n.d.) 'The impact of AI art in the art community,' ICANHELP Blog. Available at: https://www.icanhelp.net/blog/the-impact-of-ai-art-in-the-art-community (Accessed: [6 Jan 2025]).

YMT Magazine (2023) 'Why AI art could not thrive without social media,' YMT Magazine. Available at: https://ymtmag.no/2023/Articles/Why-AI-Art-could-not-thrive-without-Social-Media/ (Accessed: [6 Jan 2025]).

[that-one-weird-kid-from-school]

I was scrolling through some A.I. chatbots and I found the funniest one ever.

I clicked it because I was confused about the weird face-looking thing, but then when I saw the bigger image, I saw that the girl was double-jointed, and by that, I mean that she has two elbow joints; and the man has shoulders wider than the bed itself; and it seems like he might be double jointed as well.

The more that I look at it, the more wired shit I find in this thing.

A.I. art is hot garbage; the only thing that it does somewhat well is those anime drawings, and sometimes, it struggles with those as well, like with this girl's hands.

[maguro13-2]

THE Dark Picture REPAINT ~ Origins of the Ink Demon : Operation Drawcia Finale (10/14)

*TV BUZZING*

"Continuing Transmission"

Aoba Tsuzaki : Akao Hiragi is Akara Ogawara?

Akao Hiragi : How did you know of who I am?

Aoba Tsuzaki : We discovered that you are a copy of Akara Ogawara.

Akao Hiragi : Akara Ogawara? Who is this Akara Ogawara?

Ryohei : You're my ma! I know it's something special for you that you're just a copy of my mother!

Akao Hiragi : I am...? Am I really...a copy? How can you think of that? Oh yeah, I finally get the feeling that I'm starting to remember...I came from a research laboratory were they produce the products known as copies. I was modeled after one of the Ogawaras that died before my robot was exploded due to the virus's attack. I wonder if I can get communications from Angel that is established. Hello! Hello! Angel, can you hear me?

*RADIO BUZZING*

Akao Hiragi : Damn! Looks like we were cut off! The robots destroyed in a self-destruct sequence, the food from Angel is gone...We're all abandoned on this entire ship, no robots, no Jinkies, and...and no conclusion of a perfect story of ours. They all left us to die and abandoned us like garbage. The Moribito robots are gone and I have been abanonded to be AWOL for sure.

Aoba Tsuzaki : Hiragi-san. Pull yourself together...we're no longer robot pilots, all machines that we've been piloting have self destructed, it nearly costs our lives and it's a good thing that we survived and thought that we were the ones left to dies as copies, but was washed ashore like garbage. Remember that in 1991. It happend around three years after our deaths...

[PigeonBlood OST : Discretion]

(changes to a flashback of Akao)

Akao Hiragi in the past : (calling) Moribito! Moribito! Moribito where are you!?

*DBZ SFX : Loud Explosion*

Akao Hiragi in the past : NOOOOOOOO!

(scene changes to a courtroom)

Akao Hiragi : People of Venezuela! I didn't do it! I did no such thing! Please! The Moribito robot was dismantled, and the Ancient Jinki was used by unknown beings, this could be the work of the witch's art masterpieces. I swear!

Venezuela President : Akao Hiragi. I heard about the robot's malfunction after the Jinki exploded, I heard that all Jinkis have been disposed due to the attack of the virus.

Akao Hiragi in the past : You people don't understand! It wasn't me! I didn't set up the virus attack! I'm not the only who blamed here! The ancient Jinkis were corrupted by A.I. and I'm beginning to tell you that the Ancient Jinki is alien techonology, it was the intergalactic beings that did it! They blew up the robot!

Venezuela Judge : Well...Seems fair, since the Moribito Type-02 is destroyed, I hearby to announce that we presume Aoba Tsuzaki of Angel is dead and therefore...Manufacture of the Jinkis, Angel organization, has now been disband for life!

Akao Hiragi : W-What?

"After that, we felt ashame that both Jinkis were destroyed in an explosion and our organization is no more."

"We lost everything, and the ancient Jinki, was nothing more than technology made by some alien stuff."

"Following this after the robot malfunctioned, I made my disappearance from Venezuela and never return to show my face to them again, as I return to our home country of Japan."

"Ironically enough living in the shadows of our lives without the robots for 3 years...And that same day..."

*DBZ SFX : Energy Explosion*

"In 1994, The event of an explosion called "The Shattering", wiping out eighty percent of Japan's population, and I too thought that I was gonna get caught in the explosion to face my own death."

"Without the Moribito robots or other giant robots, we lost everything, we would no longer to control giant robots as what it means to humans and robots to bring peace together, and especially...you don't know what's cooking for the rest of our lives."

(changes back to to the present)

Akao Hiragi : How I much hated humanity thinking that piloting a giant robot is awesome and yet, they are still dangerous.

Aoba Tsuzaki : Hiragi-san. Look, it wasn't our fault, the robots we've been piloting, they were programmed by A.I. and us, we're no longer robot pilots anymore! I said that piloting robots would be dangerous, if not...who's gonna make us pilot a giant robot?

Ryohei : Humanity is such an arrogant species when it comes to machines. If so...then I suggest that there are no more machines to pilot and no robots could abuse the power of everything.

Aoba Tsuzaki : I thought piloting robot would save everyone and this entire planet. I should've know that piloting a giant robot would be not be a stupid yet, and I don't mean that by the way. So...After I decided that we can build another robot together, a robot we call him Heavy Lobster.

Akao Hiragi : Heavy Lobster? This golden walking machine is the heavy lobster?

Aoba Tsuzaki : This was something that has a huge role as the ship's guardian, he was dismantled by a star warrior before he had the chance to realization that Marx was behind of everything!

Tsugumi Harudori : If you're not mistaken, then I used to have a couple of friends before they died...Anya and Meme...we used to live in Japan...and we fought that we share the same school like her. In case you haven't noticed, this is a photo of Maka Albarn in 1994.

Akao Hiragi : That girl...Ah yes, she's responsible for the creating the Shattering Event back in 94, a human copy created at the sanctuary on the Moon. She's responsible for the explosion.

Tsugumi Harudori : Indeed. I wonder what does that means...am I copy to the original? Did I even die...No wonder on how Drawcia Family manufactured a human copy with a lot of experiment.

[Echo Night - Beyond OST : Track 17]

Tsugumi Harudori : That's it. The Real World's Moon. Now I understand how the virus came to be, it wasn't a virus at all, it was the A.I. of a soul who manipulated the control of the robots. If my caculations are correct, then Maka Albarn had some sort of connections with the Phantonians.

Aoba Tsuzaki : Connection with the Phantonians, are you telling me that girl who caused that explosion in Japan, had some sort of connection with the Phantonians? They've been long gone for centuries.

Tsugumi Harudori : No...Not dead, hiding. Who knows? But do you know anyone who resides at the sanctuary? A Man simply know as Lord Phanto III. Maka probably came from that Sanctuary built by that man...It's probably just another setback for someone who does know about the original being born over 82 years ago.

Aoba Tsuzaki : Really? That's what Maka Albarn knew about her place of origin, but if the "original" Maka Albarn is born over 82 years ago, then why would a human copy being born from the Moon? Is it really something, that is not even a question about it?

Akao Hiragi : No...Maka Albarn had a sudden fruition that she was never born in Nevada...It was the Earth's Moon when Lord Phanto and his man created the sanctuary, that's what caused the mask enemy Phanto to be awakened, it was only them trying to protect the sanctuary from being invaded, only to scare intruders away. I see...Guess this means all of that robot fighting was useless.

Aoba Tsuzaki : So...What are gonna do now? We only have practices to save the world before the time traveler is making a new era out of this year. Can't win for losing, got to think of a plan and fast. What if...what if we could put a stop on the dangers since both organizations like the DWMA and Angel have been defunct. We got other no options to think of a better solution where we could find a robot that could be way powerful than that?

(sounds of loud booming is heard)

Aoba Tsuzaki : What the heck was that noise? Is it something like a massive shock?

Tsugumi Harudori : Let's go check it and find out, I bet it's the machines or the Jinkies...Jinkis, Jinkies, whatever that is! No time to waste, let's get moving! (the two runs off)

(Scene changes)

Tsugumi Harudori : Are you sure that you heard sound from, did you?

Aoba Tsuzaki : If only there was a foul smell in the air, I could smell trouble if there was a Moribito running around here, it would be the end of us. I hope it's not the Kyomu. If my father and Genta's had the beens who were controlling the Moribito's, we would never show our face to pilot giant robots again. Promise that I would do all the machinery when it comes to the basics. Now then...where is that sound coming from. (behind them is Shizuka Tsuzaki)

Shizuka Tsuzaki : Aoba-san...

(they both turn to see Shizuka Tsuzaki)

Shizuka Tsuzaki : Aoba-san...It's me.

Aoba Tsuzaki : Mom?

Tsugumi Harudori : You're the leader of Angel? The ones who kidnapped Aoba is your mom. So you're the responsible behind the kidnapping of my colleague. You got a lot of nerves about piloting deadly robots that wanted to body slam the human race. As Sir Halberd Knight of the Meta Knight Army, I am here but to place you house arrest on this ship.

Shizuka Tsuzaki : If I did, then I must let you know that the Ancient Jinki was left of Alien Technology, the truth is I'm not the leader of Angel, I'm actually and FBI agent working for the United States. I was in an undercover investigation for some research and we discovered that the Ancient Jinki was a prototype robot created by a witch, a witch who owns a giant science coporation called Drawcia Family Corporation.

Aoba Tsuzaki : What!? So the Ancient Jinki was never real...it was a prototype created by Drawcia...but who made up the Ancient Jinki?

Shizuka Tsuzaki : The people of Venezuela lied, the Ancient Jinki was an experiment created by Drawcia Family's research and you were the one who made up the Ancient Jinki legend.

Aoba Tsuzaki : Me...the "original" me made up the Ancient Jinki legend? I made it up? So than that means...I've been a copy product to Drawcia Family all along! All of those Jinki battles, I set up everything...the original me died because the ancient Jinki...No...There was no ancient Jinki, there was nothing, it was all made up...in reality....I was nothing more than...than just being a giant robot fan. I'm actually a Gunpla modeler! Me and Tsugumi were best buds during our days as fans of sci-fi and Mecha. I've been known that.

[Echo Night - Beyond OST : Track 13]

Shizuka Tsuzaki : What?

Aoba Tsuzaki : That's right, ma. I'm a fan to Gundam and every robot that I've known. All I do is memorize the machines that every kid or fan knew about giant robots dreaming big. They always been a part and I had the audacity to be fan of giant robots, I believe in everything. This is why I started as a Gunpla Modeler, Gundam inspired me to become a robot pilot, but unfortunately, both Moribitos have ended and we were no longer robot pilots.

Tsugumi Harudori : You could say that I've been known you, Aoba. You were my closest friend, and I realized that you were just a copy of the original killed by DWMA. Is that the reason they had no choice but to take over your research. You are the only friend that I ever have and since I have no one else to befriends with during class, we used to make a lot of gunplas to memorize these events in the real world. Remember what I said about anything...It's like I know about your daughter.

Aoba Tsuzaki : I was born out of her "wish", a wish that she wanted a friend to closer her. Drawcia has been making a lot of copies using the powers of that brush, but do you remember your own daughter? You kidnapped a copy of your own daughter who was killed by the hands of those traitors. However, after both Moribito robots were destroyed...

Aoba Tsuzaki in distresss : ...We we're abandoned and thrown out like garbage. That same day in 91, both our machines were lost to time.

Shizuka Tsuzaki : I see...I have no reason to be in shame because of a nuisance, but I have too seen enough machinery that makes science to intend the fact that piloting a giant robot is awesome and yet still dangerous. You really are born out of Tsugumi's "wish". Perhaps, I was born out of that wish too, a wish to destroy all other machines that can surpass the success, when both families died in war, it's all because of the countries that we thought humans we're just arrogant.

All : ....?

Shizuka Tsuzaki : No matter...I still got one more toy for you to play with, Aoba. This one here, I'll make sure that Venezuela will never have to make their personal lies ever again.

*Loud booming*

Aoba Tsuzaki : What is that thing!?

(close up on the Egg King from Sonic Rush)

[cues Bomber Barbara by Hideki Naganuma]

Aoba Tsuzaki : Mom! What sort of giant robot is that supposed to be?

Shizuka Tsuzaki : It's called the final boss of the Unknown Zone, codename...the Egg King!

*DBZ SFX : Surprise*

Shizuka Tsuzaki : Go Egg King! Destroy those washed up robot losers!

(starts the battle with Egg King)

Aoba Tsuzaki : Egg King!? We didn't set up any robot called the Egg King!

Tsugumi Harudori : So...That giant robot is a really big...

Shizuka Tsuzaki : Contraption, correct. This is the ultimate weapon that will make you get schooled on.

Ryohei : School? What are we, getting our grades?

Shizuka Tsuzaki : No. Getting you schooled is a metaphor, not talking about your grades from school.

Akao Hiragi/Akara Ogawara : Okay! That's enough giant robots for a day! That's seriously not funny!

Shizuka Tsuzaki : There is only one thing about piloting a giant robot! Killing each other's families wasn't funny, starting a robot war wasn't funny, and most all, my husband paying a bunch of villains is seriously not that funny!

Akao Hiragi/Akara Ogawara : Shizuka, you're right. I'm sorry how our families got involved for fighting with these things, man! Look, I know that you're confused, angry, and upset, that giant robots were super duper awesome, but they are still deadly, and now I understand that a giant robot like that would be some sort of contraption. If I do you for you, that would understand why chicks dig giant robots.

Aoba Tsuzaki : Is that the reason why you kidnapped just to fight a Jinki that is literally alien technology. Ryohei's father was right, he does make a lie about everything to that country. Oh how I can be so pitiful just because I do not like to pilot another robot.

Shizuka Tsuzaki : Oh really? You think you have what it takes to control a giant robot, but let's see if you candle this...Go Egg King, fire the laser!

(cues Metal Madness's theme by Hideaki Kobayashi)

Aoba & Tsugumi : OH NO!

*DBZ SFX : Energy Blast+Loud Explosion*

Aoba Tsuzaki : Mother! What are you doing!?

Shizuka Tsuzaki : Teaching your father a lesson! You said that giant robots would be awesome, and thanks to you, they've become even more dangerous than us humans! Guess Ryohei's father was right, the Ancient Jinki was used by Unkown beings, lied about Venezuela! This is what I have been waiting for...Huh? (screams) AAAAAH!

(evades the Egg King's attack)

Shizuka Tsuzaki : What!? What the-!? What's going on!? Why is this thing turning against on me!?

Aoba Tsuzaki : Sorry, ma! It looks like that it doesn't want to be controlled by humans, robots wants humans to be dead.

Shizuka Tsuzaki : (To the Egg King) No! It can't be! You betrayed me! Oh, what have I done!?

Tsugumi Harudori : The Contraption is being taken over by the A.I! I knew that there is no way anyone would control that thing! Supercomputers aren't just a thing in science fiction when it comes to giant robots!

Shizuka Tsuzaki in despair: I...(falls down on her knees) I thought robots could save everything...and this entire planet...where...where did going mad with robot power gone wrong? Is science to blame that we're responsible for what we did?

Aoba Tsuzaki : Ma! Pull yourself together!

Axe Knight : We're under attack from the Mech Enemy!

Javelin Enemy : And Unknown mech is ramping the entire base!

Trident Knight : We must prepare for launch!

Tsugumi Harudori : Everyone on aboard! Prepare for launch!

Aoba Tsuzaki : Beginning Launch Sequence now!

(Halberd begins to launch)

Aoba Tsuzaki : Beginning target range! Target sighted!

Sailor Waddle Dee : Lock-on all weapons, prepare for an attack!

Tsugumi Harudori : Go! Fire all weapons! Give it all your got!

All : Roger!

(Halberd fires at Egg King)

Tsugumi Harudori : Did it work?

Aoba Tsuzaki : Cease fire!

Akao Hiragi/Akara Ogawara : What?

(Egg King activated a barrier)

Tsugumi Harudori : What!? A barrier!? Is this what the powers of A.I.

Aoba Tsuzaki : It never happened! Unless! Break it! (uses Star Rod item to break down the barrier)

Aoba Tsuzaki : Alright! The Barrier's down! Now we must attack the enemy with full throttle!

Tsugumi Harudori : Drats! It's getting away!

Aoba Tsuzaki : Not on my Watch! Everyone! Full Speed ahead!

(The Halberd chases after the Egg King)

[cues "Bomber Barbara Part 2" by Hideki Naganuma]

Aoba Tsuzaki : This sounds like trouble! If we don't stop this now, the entire world is doom, if only there is way that we can finally refresh this time of ours and never do it again!

Tsugumi Harudori : We have to stop all of this before we let it get away! Trust me, Aoba. We're gonna wing big here.

Aoba Tsuzaki : I know I can, Tsugumi.

*DING*

Tsugumi Harudori : That's it! The Main head is the contraption's weakness! That's it's head! Hey, King Eggy!

(Egg King stops and turns around)

Tsugumi Harudori : If you can't be the king of Eggs, then I'll have to make you scramble eggs! Get schooled by this! (Aoba's arm turns into a mechanical robot arm)

Aoba Tsuzaki : This is the end of the road!

*DBZ SFX : Energy Charging*

Aoba Tsuzaki : EAT THIS!

*DBZ SFX : Energy Blast*

Tsugumi Harudori : Enemey Target has been neutralized!

*DBZ SFX : Rumbling+loud explosive wave*

Sailor Waddle Dee : Great job, everyone! The Enemy mech has been down!

Tsugumi Harudori : That's the last of that contraption I wonder if there's anything else besides that?

Aoba Tsuzaki : Aw shucks, this bad boy came in handy. Now then, we gotta find Maka before we--

*Rumbling*

Aoba Tsuzaki : Huh? What's with this vibration?

[cues "The World Came Crumbling Control" by Yutaka Minobe]

All : [yelling and panicking]

Tsugumi Harudori : What's happening!? What's going on!?

Sailor Waddle Dee : I'm getting any traces of heat signature. It must be the source of the power of chaos.

Tsugumi Harudori : Chaos? I didn't say anything about

Homura Akemi (o.s) : Chaos...CONTROL!

*Sonic SFX : Chaos Control*

Tsugumi Harudori : What the-!?

Aoba Tsuzaki : Oh no! It's beginning! The Time Traveler has begun to create the new era! She's going to rewrite 2005 A.D.!

Ryohei : What!? No way!

Tsugumi Harudori : No way!

Akao Hiragi/Tsugumi Harudori : That can't be good!

Sailor Waddle Dee : WE'RE GONNA BE REWRITTEN!

"And so...it is time to begin the New Era..."

"My plans have been working perfectly..."

"It's time that we pull out the curtains to open a fresh new world."

"I thank my brother for all the understandings that everything..."

"Our dream to rewrite this world will be better if one's universe will not meet their ends."

"What do we say brother...shall we begin the new era...as promised?"

Homura Akemi : Brother...At last, I finally did it. I now have the power to rewrite history and create the new era! This is what I have been planning for!

Homura Akemi : It's all making sense that I'm beginning a new revelation to start the new era! So what do you say brother?

Homura's Brother/Time Eater : Excellent. I will await the familiar faces that I shall make time and space completely out of existence. ultimate achievement of our dream is near!"

"THE CREATION OF THE NEW ERA IS NEAR"

~ Mission 40 : Hail to the King of the Unknown ~

[kaitropoli]

A Little Note : A.I. vs the Human Running This Page

* If you've read all of my last post, this is basically a word-for-word copy, so there's no need to follow this! *

EVERYTHING ON MY POSTS, besides the obvious quotes, ARE WRITTEN BY ME, MYSELF, and I.

I've been seeing too many posts with added history written by A.I., which is really stupid, considering that those types of technologies are wrong and don't list the specific data they utilize to get their information. Because I'm very wordy or know certain things doesn't mean I use a bot... you'd probably know if I did because I'd be posting every day💀 Instead, I bestow upon you real human text, an info-dump on a random thing I find online and think is pretty and/or interest asf, promises I can't deliver (aka I severely forget about or am too busy to do *rip March's posts lmfao*), and horrifically inconsistent posts.

I may make grammar mistakes here and there because I am also writing a book in my free time (that's why I'm usually too stressed to make posts—trust me, you should see my drafts—they're there, but I love to add info, yet it's time-consuming). My Grammarly hates me, and the feeling is as mutual as glass. I felt the need to get that out of the way, too.

I'm now adding all my sources so nobody mistakes this as A.I. garbage. It's not! I should've done this from the get-go, but it didn't feel necessary at first, as I barely did info posts. But if you do see something off, or you just enjoy this post and want to add to the conversation, please feel free to comment!! :)

...

I'm just a twenty-year-old girl who loves art of all kinds, history, and science. More than that, I am HUMAN, and I believe that willpower over a machine (rage against the machine💀) is the greatest form of intelligence anybody can possess. Let me explode all the knowledge I know to y'all without your fear that this is some bot typing everything you see. You can trust my page, and I welcome any type of comment if you see something off.

...

Thank you all for tuning in to my posts. I should have a better explanation for my absences, which I will concoct at some point. I appreciate feedback and the support on my posts!! I do this for fun, so don't expect me to ever turn to the dark side! That's primarily why I stray from reblogging art+history posts, but you can count on this page staying squeaky clean!

Much love;

Kaiti (@kaitropoli) <xx

[oc-smash-or-pass]

What do?

Well, it's all rather simple.

First, if you're below 18, get outta' here. You can't and shouldn't be smashing anything you see on this blog, you should be doing your homework.

Otherwise, send in up to four pictures, via either the ask box or the submission box—no difference to me—of your character. Don't use DMs though, or I'll crush your bones.

Name your character, tell us what property they come from, their gender identity, and give us a description of your character, their backstory, their personality, and any details you feel may be to the audience's interest.

To lay down some ground rules:

Both entirely original characters and fan-characters are encouraged to apply. Anonymous submissions are permitted; you can't send images anonymously, but you can just say you wish to be anonymous and I'll not tag you in the post.

You can send in multiple submissions of your OCs, but if you send more than 2, I will probably spread them out between future submissions instead of putting them directly into the queue.

In general, the blog's tone can be a little horny, but please don't push it. You can only use SFW images, but reasonably suggestive images are fine and a tasteful amount of discussion on NSFW topics in your character's description is acceptable.

In the interest of maximum variability, I won't be accepting OCs made with Picrew and similar tools. However, pictures made using resources such as Heroforge or video game character creators with more extensive options will be accepted. If you're not sure, just send in an ask! Oh, and obviously, no A.I. garbage.

In terms of interacting with the posts, just be cool. Don't be too creepy, weird or rude. You can be openly horny for a character without making it creepy, and if you don't like a character's design or art, you don't need to say anything.

Finally, ideally, vote on the basis of your interest in the character themselves, rather than externalities such as the property they come from or the quality of their art. That's the spirit of the exercise!

Here is an example submission, so that you can get a basic idea of what to send in:

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

JOHN SMITH

Imagine there's a poll right here with the options 'SMASH' or 'PASS'.

John Smith is a character from my original setting, called Earth. He hails from a distant federation of smaller states known as the United States of America, and specifically from the state of Illinois. There, he works hard in his honorable profession as a sort of 'common mage', called into homes to inspect and repair the arcane bindings that channel magic into technology such as 'light bulbs' and 'ovens'.

He is 49 years old, lives modestly with his wife and son in a two-bedroom home in a small town, and regularly enjoys barbecuing, going to the beach, and watching contemporary sports such as "Foot Ball". Some call him short tempered, but really he's just a little loud and excitable. He is happy with the relatively humble life he has settled into, and wonders what more one could want.

Submitted by anonymous.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hopefully the basic idea is clear! Get to sending me those little guys... NOW!

[secret-diary-of-an-fa]

The Very Belated 2023 Awards!

Ha! I bet you fuckers thought I’d forgotten about the End of Year Round-up from 2023. Nope! I was just lulling you into a false sense of security. As though I’d miss the opportunity to take a massive, steaming shit on an entire year’s worth of human culture. So, what can we say about 2023? It definitely fucking happened, we know that much. But was it good? Was it bad? Was it a little bit of both? We know from my previous blogs that it produced some real cinematic and televisual gems, but are these a sign of culture self-correcting after the wilderness years or just aberrations bobbing about in the usual sea of viscous dreck? Well, 2023 is dead now, so if we want to find out, the only way is to split open its bloated carcass and start rummaging around in a bleak parody of the autopsy process. As always, I’ll be handing out gongs to things, artefacts and events from 2023 itself, but also just to shit I discovered in the relevant year. Here we fucking goooooooo!

The Birthday Cake Full of Puppies Award for Loveliest Surprise… … Goes, jointly, to Wild Blue Yonder and The Giggle, the two Doctor Who specials that weren’t the fucking Star Beast. See, after The Star Beast, I was thoroughly disappointed. A virtue-signalling, nonsensical mess that, while briefly entertaining, failed miserably to reach the giddy heights of Russel T. Davies’ initial run on the show and desperately needed a strong editorial hand to stop characters repeating themselves or needlessly referencing the hot pile of garbage that was the Chibnall era. I wasn’t expecting great things from the two follow-ups and only really watched them because I thought RTD had earned himself more than one chance to impress me. And whaddaya know? We got two fucking perfect Who episodes- one a big, genuinely unsettling slice of cosmic horror and one a bombastic, energetic extravaganza that resurrected a lot of fan-favourite characters, introduced a new threat for the upcoming Gatwa-era and just generally fucking rocked. Yes, I know the Xmas Special that followed was a bit crap (nautical-punk Goblins in Doctor Who? Piss off.), but it’s not fair to judge any season of Who on its associated Xmas Special, so we’re just going to let that slide.

The Throwing Keanu Reeves Down a Lot of Stairs Award… … Goes to John Wick 4, which threw Keanu Reeves down a lot of stairs. And was also a very good movie. But mainly this award is about the stairs.

The Blind Archer Award for Missing the Cocking Point… … Goes to the whole bloody stupid debate around A.I., which is broadly divided into two equally slappable camps. In the Soulless Silicone Silver corner, we have a bunch of hooting tech bros who think that they’ve invented a tool that obviates the need for talent and spirit and artistic vision because it (technically) allows any yeehaw with an internet connection to vomit out ill-conceived content ordered up from a computer terminal like the intellectual equivalent of an underwhelming drive-thru burger. Meanwhile, in the drippy, wishy-washy grey no-colour corner, we have a swarm of whiny, for-profit ‘creatives’ (and I use that word with enough sarcasm to fill an Olympic-sized swimming pool), terrified that their soulless, talentless content will be replaced by the equally soulless, talentless content of fucking Skynet, thereby doing them out of a revenue stream they don’t bloody deserve. Nobody seems to be talking about how the new technology can be leveraged to create actual, meaningful art, not just content. Case in point, I’ve always fancied creating a TV series or film, but I don’t know any actors and can’t afford to pay professionals, nor can I afford the filming equipment and green-screen studio rental I’d need to bring one of my sci-fi or fantasy concepts to life. AI allows for the creation of virtual environments and actors based on original ideas, sketches and descriptions plugged into machine-learning-guided rendering software. These can then be assembled using a human-provided script (mine, duh) to create footage which can be edited into something cogent and compelling. It’s a terrific amount of work involving a wildly steep learning curve, but it’s an example of how AI allows working class creators without the resources of our middle-class wanker peers a way into visual mediums that we simply haven’t been able to access or utilise. Incidentally, I hope to start uploading short films made using this method sometime in the next month or two. Pluuuuuuuug!

The Award for Special Services to Doom… … Goes to the impending collapse of AMOC (or Atlantic Meridional Overturning Circulation), which includes part of the Gulf Stream and several other important ocean currents. It’s due to cease functioning within the next 100 years due to man-made climate change, most probably by the year 2100, when many of us will still be alive (albeit old as balls). Once it goes, the northern hemisphere will become colder, making agriculture functionally impossible in parts of Europe; the ocean-level will rise up to a meter in some places, drowning many coastal cities; the wet and dry season of at least one rainforest will flip, with the result that said rainforest may die, unable to adapt quick enough, which would make climate change even more extreme. Basically, if you’re rooting for the collapse of civilisation in the not-too-distant future, you can start polishing your Mad Max cosplay outfits, because shit’s about to go doooooown, boi! I mean, unless governments actually listen to climate scientists for a change and somehow avert this looming catastrophe. Ha! Yeah. Dream on.

The Lex Luthor Award For Pure Fucking Evil... … Goes, once again, to the Tories, who are always evil, but seemed to make a special effort to ruin everything for everyone forever in 2023. Aside from engineering a decline in the NHS so severe that people with agonising mouth infections can’t access dentists at short notice, they also tried to pass a bill that would allow them to monitor the bank accounts of people on benefits as a matter of course and continued to allow the dumping of waste directly into the sea, turning the coast of Blackpool brown with human excrement (it was, of course, they who repealed the environmental protection laws that used to make this sort of thing illegal). You really couldn’t make these people up. It’s like someone drew the word ‘CUNT’ on a whiteboard and then got a whole room full of cunt-experts to make a mind-map around it. Then they loaded the results into ChatGPT and the result was the Tory Party of Great Britain.

The Confused Mountaineer Award for Picking the Wrong Hill to Die On… … Goes to Disney, which spent 2023 losing money hand over fist. Even when its films and telly shows technically made some money, they represented such a reduction in the value of the associated IP that the company might as well have time travelled into the future, stolen all its own shares, and flushed them down a giant toilet. Obviously, I hate Disney and I’ve always hated them- I didn’t just jump on the band-wagon when the Internet collectively realised they were a bunch of tossers. I’ve hated them steadily and continually for most of my life for the very simple reason that they use fucking slave-labour. Their merch is made in fucking sweat-shops! Which is why it’s particularly hilarious that their loss of relevance as a producer of culture owes so much to their flimsy pretence at wokeness (which manifested itself as a series of interchangeable, tedious girl-bosses photoshopped inexpertly into franchises like Star Wars and Marvel whose profitability largely came from grumpy nerds who were never going to fall for that shit). Shoulda stuck to making family films for people with very low expectations, Disno! It’s what you’re good at! And yes, this award does only exist so I can laugh at the slow death-by-a-thousand-cuts of some dipshits I dislike. It’s just so fucking dumb! Like, these are people who regard anyone from a developing nation as a disposable component in a big machine for making underwhelming crap- an interchangeable cog to be instrumentalised and dehumanised until death. And yet the hill they chose to fucking die on was pretending to give a shit about inclusivity. Yeah. Disney are real fucking inclusive… they want everyone to buy their ill-conceived swill, not just pasty, dick-owning Americans. Brilliantly, in their mad scrabble for new audiences, they seem to have lost the one they had… while utterly failing to convince anyone else to jump on board. Because, let’s be honest, if you want to watch a film about the black experience in the US or about smashing the patriarchy, you’re probably going to go to Jordan Peele or re-watch The Perfection (not just a great feminist film, by the way, but a fucking balls-to-the-wall brilliant film full stop). You’re probably not going to rely on a string of bland, cookie-cutter studios owned and operated by the arsewipes still desperately still trying to wring the last few pennies out of pissing Star Wars.

The Greatest Sentence I’ve Heard All Year Award… … Goes to my wife, who recently went to see that Barbie movie that people inexplicably decided to shove in the same bracket as Oppenheimer. I don’t really object to the existence of this flick in and of itself, because it’s not really taking anything away from me- it’s just not for me, and that’s fine. Obvs, I did think it was slightly icky that Matel were putting so much effort into re-framing their plastic Anorexia Generator as a feminist icon and it was super weird that the message it ultimately lands on is ‘sex-based oppression is fine if you gender-flip it’, but I don’t have to care so, for the most part, I don’t. I certainly didn’t have any problem with my missus taking her daughter from a previous relationship and her/our kinda-sorta adopted daughter to see it. Because I’m not a sack of shit who demands that other peoples tastes precisely match my own. However, I really didn’t like the hype around the movie. I don’t like brightly-coloured, disposable dreck that only exists to sell toys giving itself airs and graces, especially not when that means 1-for-1 comparisons to, say, a really important film about the invention of the nuclear bomb and the political scheming and manoeuvring that surrounded it. Which brings us to the Greatest Sentence I’ve Heard All Year. After returning home from her cinematic excursion, my wife had this to say about Barbie: “I don’t understand what all the fuss was about- it was a pile of shit, really.” Bonus points for the fact that she still quite enjoyed it and this wonderful piece of commentary was delivered, in musing tones, as an assessment of its objective merits rather than a statement of personal preference. I married the right woman.

The Circus Midget Genocide Award for Gratuitous Punching Down... … Goes to the song ‘What Have We Become’ by Paul Heaton, who I usually like. The Beautiful South are one of my favourite bands (despite the fact they no longer exist), but ‘What Have We Become’, one of Heaton’s subsequent solo efforts, makes me genuinely uncomfortable. In tackling the Americanisation of British culture (which I agree is a problem), Heaton seems to take aim as much at the ordinary folks on the receiving end of this neo-colonialism as at the phenomenon itself. I don’t think that whether or not something ‘punches down’ is a meaningful criticism relating to a cultural artefact’s artistic merit. Sometimes, it’s necessary to call out the bumbling normal on their slack-jawed bullshit. But this just feels mean-spirited and indiscriminate. Yeah, Heaton, people enjoy the convenience of US-style fast-food chains and, as a country, we’re probably a bit addicted to the cult of needless enthusiasm that started in the States, but I’ve never met anyone whose more of a miserable cunt for eating a takeout pizza while watching a happy-go-lucky comedy like My Name is Earl, so maybe get off your high horse for a minute. Your music’s great for the most part, but I think I can answer the question ‘What Have We Become?’ based purely on the song itself. A prick. You’ve become a prick.

The Pluggity McPlugface Aware for Most Exciting New Press… ... Goes to X Press, which is technically the new fiction imprint of Poetry Bus Press, I think. They’re still getting established and the name is subject to change, but I met the couple behind it at this year’s T.S. Elliot Prize and… er… okay, this is the bit where I have to admit I have a horse in this race. See, the reason I’m so excited by this new press getting off the ground is that I’m kinda the reason it exists. I pitched the publishers a sci-fi novel I had loaded and ready to fire off, not really expecting anything to come of it since they’ve only done poetry collections before. But hey, it’s not every day you meet someone in the publishing world while surrounded by gold-leafed rococo architecture and canapés, so I felt I had to go for it. Anyway, just a couple of months later, they’re putting together a whole new imprint and my novel, Warning: Infohazard is going to be first thing to roll out of it! So yeah… I’m chuffed about that. Stay tuned for further updates.

The Nick Clegg Award for Accomplishing the Square Root of Fuck All… … Goes to the AGA and WGA strikes that swept through Hollywood like a damp breeze this year. I’m usually on the side of striking workers, even when I’m being personally inconvenienced. Tell me the bus drivers are going on strike and, even if I need to catch a bus that day, I’ll pretty much root for them to win the battle- the poor fuckers are woefully underpaid for a tedious and demanding job. Teachers’ strike? Abso-fucking-lutely: these people work hard to ensure the next generation actually know things and deserve far more respect and accolades than they’re accorded (except the fuckers who worked at Marpool Primary during the 90s- those loathsome reptiles can choke on dick for all I care). NHS Doctors and nurses? Yup: they literally save lives and we, as a culture, still fail to give them their due. Dustbin men? Fuck yeah. Warehouse workers? Definitely (if anyone ever lets the poor fucks unionise). You get the idea. But I have my doubts about the Hollywood Writers and Actors Guilds mob. At the end of the day, even the working schlubs of Tinsel Town mostly deserve a thick ear more than a raise. We’re talking about people who drive past Skid Row (the most impoverished ghetto in the States, the lives of whose citizens they could actually improve) on their way to work, then get there and, as part of their social media management, tweet a load of shite about the Cause of the Week in order to look switched on and progressive. We’re talking about people who will do long-winded interviews about how important their casting or hiring is for the direction of our society while, two blocks away, a homeless dude overdoses on smack because it’s slightly quicker than starving to death.We’re talking about people who sold out their souls to a studio system that only wants and only seeks to produce derivative dreck when it was paying them well and only seem to have noticed it’s fucking them in the arse with a strap-on the size of the Empire State Building now that it’s no longer scattering coins in front of them. Of course, there are good, honest people working in La La Land who absolutely don’t deserve the fucking the studio system is giving them and who don’t walk around thinking they’re Zod’s Gift to the Enlightenment, and- for their sake- one slightly wants the strikes to succeed. The problem is that it’s very hard to spot them, obscured as they are by an ocean of absolute raging bell-ends. All of which is slightly by the by, because this award isn’t about whether the strikes deserve to succeed… it’s about the fact they made no appreciable difference to the media landscape of 2023 whatsoever. We still got Oppenheimer; we still got John Wick 4; we still got Luther: the Fallen Sun over on Netflix; we still got that unexpectedly fucking delightful Slumberland thing and a whole raft of really excellent, joyous family films; we still got some pretty ace telly. Basically, the only thing there seemed to be less of was absolute shit-swill, but it’d be a poor lookout for the strikers if that was their doing and not just a statistical anomaly. Imagine that on a placard: “We fucked off and culture improved by 150%!” So yeah: sorry WGA and AGA- as much as my socialist principles want any strike against a large, corrupt corporate system to succeed, you’re just not very sympathetic and you’ve done the square root of fuck all to help yourselves here.

The Special Award for Unbridled Excellence... … Goes to What We Do in the Shadows (the TV series- there was also a movie that was pretty good, but that came out ages ago). Technically, the telly series started in 2019, but it was still going in 2023 and that’s the year I finally got around to watching it, so I think I can justifiably slap it on this list. A mockumentary about three vampires, an energy vampire and a familiar flat-sharing on Staten Island, its one of the most hilarious, off-beat, filthy, brilliant things I’ve seen in years. It’s also surprisingly well-meaning and, mixed in with all the really, really funny jokes (which I’m not going to spoil), the violence and the gratuitous fucking, there are some genuinely sweet, heartfelt moments about found family, the bonds of love and friendship and the redemptive qualities that can sometimes surprise us in the darkest of people and places. I’m not saying it’s high art or anything like that- it’s as daft as a brush and any stab it takes at greater, more grandiose meaning is somewhat undercut by all the other shit that happens in it, but it is one of the most entertaining things on telly and deserves your attention. Just don’t tell the normals, they’ll only fucking ruin it like everything else. Let’s keep this one just for us freaks, okay?

The Smurf Viagra Award for Bluest Balls... … Goes to Dune: Part 2, which was supposed to come out in ‘23 and didn’t. Which is a shame because it the first part was a fucking banger. Maybe we could credit its delay to the writers’ and actors’ strike? I mean, that probably had nothing to do with it, but it’s important to boost the self-esteem of the simpler members of the international community. Great job, guys! You got one!

So that was 2023, then: a year of malice and incompetence just barely redeemed by a few shining cultural gems. Now we’re two months into 2024, and it’s time to look forward before we collide with a brick wall. Until next time, I’ve been Secret-Diary and you haven’t. Bye-bye.