#a) we need more representation for strange little freaks

[antipathy-arsonist]

shithead and freakazoid 5: OH so thats why their called freakazoid (ft. Little miss gambling addiction)

[fantasy-mixtapes]

Fig Faeth Junior Year Playlist: Side A

It's no surprise that Fig Faeth's playlist is the one that I actually listen to the most. It's just a very good vibe and I love her. Took extra time to Song descriptions and thoughts down below. Spoilers for Episodes 1-10.

Genres included: Pop-punk, Punk, Alternative

1. hair out, Stand Atlantic

Am I fuckin' up my life? I'm just tryna make improvements Slowly givin' up the fight But I gotta cover up the bruise That I get from all the Expectations give me vertigo Wasting away to the pressure The pressure, The pressure, oh

This song is such an earworm, scratching a specific itch in my brain. Love the fact that both Kristen and Fig (the failing girlies) start with a Stand Atlantic song, and it works with the way that Fig is coming at this season. From the jump, she is one of the most visibly and audibly burnt out, specifically from the pressure of the "sophomore album" that was supposed to come out months ago. This song is definitely about the pressures of a songwriter as well as the pressures of life in general so it fits sooooo perfectly. Especially with the "I can already here people hating the song" outro *chefs kiss*

2. Who The Hell Am I?, NOBRO

God, I'm tired of being like this I can change, but in a minute Always looking for the back door, on the run Always at the party, never quite having fun Play with fire, and you're gonna get burned I'm on fire, and you know it hurts I was always on the outside looking in Maybe it's me 'cause I never wanna fit in

Fig's class struggles, her conversation with Mazey, I can't take it. I feel like we've all been there. I really love how the narrative with her has progressed, like last season was deconstructing her need to mold herself into other people (or into an idealized version of herself) now she's trying to figure out who she is at her core without all the disguises.

3. 7 Years Bad Luck, Glasseater

Something strange seems to be plaguing me Everything I touch falls apart I've lost it all, losing all my luck Suffering 7 years bad luck

I don't particularly love this song, a little too unintentionally underproduced, but it deserves a spot on this playlist. I feel like I would be Fig in the curse situation. It took me a literal year to deal with debilitating stomach problems, and I, too, waited until my friends noticed to actually do something about it. Either way, can't wait to learn more about the weird Galier Pride curse, love the representation for my stomach problem girlies

4. Where the Heart Is, Sweet Pill

Get this My mind's been in a million places but my body hasn't moved an inch And I feel like I'm missing out again Ignoring my plans Wondering how they went Feeling bad about it If I could just take a chance I wouldn't feel so bad To see past myself I wouldn't feel so bad

This is Fig's final decision to try Paladin after doing so well with Warlock. She knows the priorities in her gut don't match with what anyone else says, but she's discovering her loyalty. She's figuring out her actual drive... following her heart <3

5. Impostor Syndrome, Sidney Gish

Unfortunately, I am My own dog, my own fur companion My own old lady on a forum Who types in glittery decorum Unfortunately, I take Myself out walking every day and I had my legs to the feet and I give my head to the leash

Making Fantasy High playlists is like making a ven diagram of which dog-themed songs are Tracker-coded and which are Fig-coded. This one, to me at least, is Fig-coded. (yes, I do have a tracker playlist, and yes, every song in it is dog/wolf specific, BUT THEY'RE GOOD OK). We love our Oath/Pact of the German Shepard.

6. You Owe Me Nothing In Return, Alanis Morissette

I'll give you countless amounts of outright Acceptance if you want it I will give you encouragement to chose The path you want if you need it You can speak of anger and doubts Your fears and freak outs And I'll hold it

So I know that we're gearing up for Fig's Warlock/Paladin agreement post "mooner yulenear," but this is my interpretation of what it's going to look like. She cares about her friends, and she would do anything for them! And though I know this song came out in 2002, Alanis Morissette is a 90's icon and perfect for the grungy riot grrrl vibe I see for her

[licorishh]

Welp. Binged the second half of the new ATLA show and finished it and I am still so incredibly impressed. Spoilers under the cut y'all know the drill

I freaking loved this adaptation. Slapped. Killed it. Nailed it. I'm gonna rewatch it over and over. Legitimately the only things I could really complain about are all related to Azula.

I really feel like Azula having screentime in season 1 served zero purpose here. I feel it would've been much more impactful to have her go entirely unmentioned until the finale when Zhao reveals to Zuko that Azula was behind everything (i.e. iy would've been cooler if Zhao were also revealing it to us, the audience, for the first time).

I also think it's a little odd how they're kind of totally changing the dynamic between Ozai and Azula (or at least the parts of the dynamic that we're supposed to believe is a representation of their relationship for the majority of the show). In the original show, Azula has no idea Ozai is simply manipulating her for the fun of it. She genuinely thinks he loves her, is proud of her, and is extremely impressed with her. It's not until almost the last episode that Ozai ever directly expresses his disdain for something she's done/said, unless I'm wrong. Ozai's expectations of her in the original show appear to be things she's easily capable of meeting, and she feels extremely confident in her abilities and is under the impression Ozai is equally confident in her. I find it strange that repeatedly in this adaptation Ozai is instead treating her pretty similarly to the way he treats Zuko. He doesn't appear to show her any kind of particular favor, doesn't expect anything but the most outrageously impossible from her, and regularly ridicules/undermines her and sows seeds of doubt in her mind that she's competent.

Azula doesn't show the slightest hint of cracking until the end of season 3 after Mai's and Ty Lee's betrayal. Sure, there are hints earlier on that she's a perfectionist and refuses to settle for anything less than the most flawless outcome, but she comes off as being incredibly confident and secure in her position. She doesn't doubt anything about her situation or her relationship with her father or brother. In other words, in the original show, the audience and Azula herself are never meant to realize until the very end that Ozai was pitting his children against each other. We (and her) are intended to believe that Ozai genuinely prefers Azula and is more pleased with her than he is with Zuko. In this version, there really doesn't seem to be much of that at all. It's just odd.

Smaller complaint, but I don't think that actress is necessarily just the most stellar choice for Azula, either. The casting for the show has been excellent so far, but this particular actress seems to be bringing out aspects of Azula's character that really weren't meant to be at the forefront until much later. Maybe it's the actress, maybe it's the writing, maybe it's both, but it doesn't feel like Azula. She doesn't feel like a substantial threat. Heck, Zhao is wayyy more compelling in this version than Azula is, and that's really not very good. She feels like just another competitor for Zuko.

Kind of branching off of that, and this one is a pretty small one, but Mai and Ty Lee are super boring. Granted, I don't really care about them at all in the original anyway (Mai has really no narrative reason to exist other than to be part of what causes Azula's spiral; I do like Ty Lee a little bit, but I could really take her or leave her), but they're just... so bland. There's no reason for them to be in those scenes other than to be cardboard boxes Azula can glare at. At least in the original, they serve as an excellent example of what's tethering Azula to reality and how she feels an incessant need to exert control over every aspect of her life. I reaaaaally wish they'd waited until later to bring them into the adaptation (it's also just reinforcing to me the fact that I simply cannot see Zuko with Mai at all in either version, but that's an issue for a different day).

Other than those things I wasn't too thrilled about, I really did love the show. The acting from the main cast was excellent, the stakes felt SO MUCH HIGHER and it was SUCH a nice tonal change, the bending looked incredible, the amount of effort put into accurately replicating the sets and the costumes was just astounding, and the pacing was excellent. I love how they were able to cut down on so much of the extraneous filler from the original season 1 by finding ways to compile them together in a way that still flowed excellently and allowed for a greater focus to be put on the main story. The main story in this adaptation never stops going, and for me, that makes it SO much easier and more fun to watch. It doesn't go off on forty-minute tangents that have zilch to do with the main point of the show.

Also Dallas Liu is literally the best possible pick for Zuko. He is capturing Zuko's miserable wet cat energy in a way no one but Dante Basco could do and that is saying something. He's also putting an excellent emphasis on how desperately obsessive Zuko is about catching Aang in season 1. He's completely blinded by his desire to find him, causing him to make completely illogical and irrational decisions driven purely by a desperate desire to measure up, and Dallas Liu is really doing an incredibly good job reinforcing that without having to actually say it.

Gordon Cormier is also absolutely killing it as Aang for me. I'm really not the biggest fan of Aang (I just don't usually like child characters; he's better in some parts of season 3 but he's just not really my favorite), but he's actually making Aang incredibly fun to watch. He's adorable and fun and silly without being painfully immature and difficult to be invested in. Yeah, I know, Aang's twelve and twelve year olds are immature, but that doesn't mean they're automatically fun to watch. He's really doing a great job there.

I also love this version of Zhao. I feel like he got way more screentime in this version than in the original, which was pretty cool. He turned out to be a much cooler and more dangerous villain than it felt like he was in the original.

I also liked this version of Yue WAYYYY more even though she was only in one episode because man!! She has a personality holy cow!! She's actually fun!! And entertaining!! Not just Phantom Menace Natalie Portman-levels of "Well she's a very nice person :)"

Also also, I loved the vibe of uhh episode 5, I think it was-?. Both of the Koh jumpscares legitimately startled me which I was not expecting 😭 normally I can eat simple jumpscares for lunch but they made him so frickin creepy which is honestly good because hE IS FRICKIN CREEPY

And I cried. Like three times. First time when frickin Leaves From the Vine played at Lu Ten's funeral (that one had me weeping as usual), I think a second time when Katara is remembering being a little girl and is hiding and she sees her mom being killed (that was honestly so much more impactful that we actually got to SEE such things instead of just hearing about it), and then I think again in Zuko's Agni Kai because my gosh he's been through it :((( the flashback parts before then though were so nice 😭 I lived long enough to see happy smiling Zuko in 4k which means I can die peacefully now

All of this is coming from someone who first watched the show as a young kid, was never really a huge Aang fan, and really doesn't care for the original season 1 and tends to skip it every time I watch the show. I have pretty unusual opinions about the original, so my opinions here may vary massively from the general consensus, and that's fine. I really loved this adaptation and I will be so heartbroken if they don't make a season 2 MAAAANNNN I NEED MORE 😭😭😭

Also the writers are goated for replacing Aang with Sokka in the Cave of Two Lovers and having Katara reinforce their family bond instead of pushing a self-insert crush a little boy has on a teenage girl who treats him like her son. And also that scarf scene which I think I will perhaps never not be thinking about. I will be forever indebted to them for that but again that's a topic for uhh not right now 👍

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

Books I’ve read so far in 2023!

Friend me on Goodreads here to follow my more up to date reading journey for the year!

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132. Garnet Flats by Devney Perry--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

While I really enjoyed this one, I miss that suspenseful mystery that filled the first book and a little bit of the second book. With that being said, however, I LOVED the tension between the characters here and how he has to grovel to win her back.

I'm normally not a fan of second chance romances, but I ate this one up. I couldn't stop reading it and I just wanted to know why he has to win her back in the first place (like, what did you do, dude?)

The twist was a bit...listen, you need to super suspend your disbelief because this was some telenovela twists and turns LOL. But that spice was spicy (definitely spicier than the first book). I know this is probably mid-spice for a lot of seasoned romance readers, but I think there should be a fine balance.

I have started the fourth book, but my brain isn't in the vacation mentality anymore. Will I ever finish it? We will see.

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133. The Curse of the Mummy's Tomb by R.L. Stine--⭐️⭐️

Sigh.

I never read these as a kid and some of these books make me wonder what 10 year-old me would have thought. This one was just...it feels like a misleading book. I don't know why I expected more LOL. The key is to not expect anything.

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134. Broken Promise by Linwood Barclay--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I am convinced that every book this author writes will always throw me for a loop.

I picked this one up knowing it was the first in a series because I accidentally read book four earlier this month or last month. I needed to know what had started it all! Of course, there were allusions to other characters from earlier books, so maybe I will never truly be caught up lol.

This one started with a bunch of characters and I'll admit that I was lost at first, wondering if I was going to enjoy this. Then twists started to pop up and I was hooked. Then one of the bigger twists happened and my jaw dropped. Barclay is one of the only authors that will ever get that reaction from me. His books are like a drug for those twisty turns.

I will definitely be checking out the rest of this series, where I will probably encounter more characters from other books I still haven't read by him.

Also, another thing to note is how well Barclay is setting up the rest of this series--especially with that cliffhanger.

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135. Jude Saves the World by Ronnie Riley--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I am absolutely adoring seeing all of this representation in younger fiction!

I loved the wholesome friendship between Jude and their best friend, and how open they were to someone new who needed companionship and friendship during a hard time. I also think a lot of kids in Jude's position may be able to relate with the difficulty of living with a mask on in order to not offend the family in their life who might not be able to understand the nuances of gender and sexuality.

I think the most important aspect of this book, however, is how Jude uses their voice to give voice to others who might feel voiceless--especially in a community that might not be as open as others when it comes to the LGBTQ+ community. I think it's so important to not only see the kindness and large heart that Jude has, but how they were able to create a community for others of any age who may not have the space to be themselves and speak out about their experiences. It goes to show that age isn't a limit when it comes to wanting to create a space for others.

This was a sweet, oftentimes jarring, and heartfelt story. I loved all of it!

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136. The Getaway by Lamar Giles--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Listen, a good horror book doesn't have to be gory to freak you out. Giles proves this in his novel, THE GETAWAY. Not only did he create a strangely familiar environment (so we could imagine ourselves there), but he also infuses it with some of the worst behaviours and prejudices (read: racism) in our society.

I didn't know what to expect when I went into this book. The cover was incredible, so I'll admit that this was a complete cover buy. The themes inside the book gave me as much chills as the cover, since the racism and prejudices were unflinching. This made me think of GET OUT if it was set in Disney World. Like...creepy af setting with a super disturbing story of white rich people who are living out their wildest dreams in the face of an apocalypse. Also, a perfect and creepy example of "the good ones" stereotype that we so often see when there is a Black family living among the rich white people.

If you're going to jump into this one, and I highly recommend it, be prepared for the TWs. I'm not kidding when I say that the racism is unflinching in this one. There's the unaliving Black people in a horrible but historical way, and so many comments made that it will make you want to take a breather.

Be prepared.

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137. Bad Cree by Jessica Johns--⭐️⭐️⭐️

While this book had some entertaining points, in the end, I found it to be just OK. I was neither disappointed, nor feeling all sorts of ways by the end of the book. I just shrugged because it felt like it was missing something.

I kind of almost feel like I was catfished with this book, in a way. I did appreciate the Indigenous mythology and they monster (because THAT was pretty cool). I also enjoyed the familial relationships. My meh-ness stems from the lack of horror I felt while reading this. Sure, there were one or two creepy moments at the beginning, but by the end of the book, I was just patiently waiting for it to end.

I feel kind of bad because so many of my friends loved it, so I know I'm an outlier here. But I just expected more?

Anyway, I recommend it if you want to dive into a spooky book that isn't really spooky. Also, if you want to read an indigenous story but explores familial bonds and culture (highly recommend it for those parts!). In a way, it made me think a little of EMPIRE OF THE WILD and how that one freaked so many people out, but I just felt meh by the end.

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138. The Visitor by K.A. Applegate--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

After reading the wild twist at the end of the first book, we jump right into the story where the kids are trying to find a way to keep their planet safe. I liked that this one delved into the effects of these aliens taking over the people around them. It also had some pretty heartbreaking moments since the changes are heavily affecting the friend of the mc of this book. (each book changes narrator between the kids in the group).

I will always find it so fun and fascinating seeing their minds when they change into a new animal.

Loving this series so far and also, justice for the one kid whose life changed so much after book one.

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139. Scorpia Rising by Anthony Horowitz--⭐️⭐️⭐️

One step closer to finishing this series!!

I'll be honest, this wasn't my favourite of the collection. While I enjoyed the later action and twists (even though one twist was like a knife to the heart), I wasn't a big fan of how much we saw of the villain's plans. One of the things I really enjoy about this series is how twisty it can be, but in telling us everything that the villains are planning for Alex, it kind of ruined it for me. I like being surprised, not being shown a map of what's going to happen (and then actually going through with it). It made the beginning of the book a little meh and dragged on.

I'm looking forward to the next books, but while I'm not as excited about this one, like I said before, this one had some fun and typical Alex moments--like the villains completely underestimating Alex. I don't know how this kid is still alive.

I AM curious, however, about how the next books will be after that big twist that just destroyed Alex.

Hopefully will read the next one sometime this year lol

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Have you read any of these books? Would you recommend them?

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Happy reading!

[brightbeautifulthings]

The Infinite Miles by Hannah Fergesen

"Rage was a funny thing. You could put it away for months or even years, tucked neatly inside a drawer alongside your sorrow and your childlike love for an old TV show. You could glance at it once in a while and think, Maybe I'll wear that today. But it was easier not to. Nothing else in the drawer matched and besides, you grew out of it years ago. Until one day, it fits again."

Year Read: 2023

Rating: 4/5

About: Three years ago, Harper's best friend, Peggy, went missing. Peggy had been acting strangely before that, more distant and secretive, culminating in the worst fight they'd ever had. Now, Harper can't seem to move on, having quit school to work in a diner and watch re-runs of Infinite Odyssey. Then, on the anniversary of her disappearance, Peggy suddenly returns and demands that Harper take her to the Argonaut, the time and space traveling star of their favorite show. When the Argonaut himself shows up and strands Harper in 1971, she realizes that Infinite Odyssey may be more reality than fiction, and she's going to need all her knowledge of it to defeat The Incarnate, an insidious alien parasite that has Peggy in its thrall and intends to spread throughout the universe. I received a free e-ARC through NetGalley from the publishers at Blackstone Publishing. Trigger warnings: death, sexism (countered), severe injury, violence, brainwashing, self-loathing.

Thoughts: My freaking heart. I requested this despite not being much of a sci-fi person (or much of a Doctor Who fan) because I couldn't resist the words "queer space fantasy," and I'm so glad I did. It was everything I was hoping for and more, and I found myself sinking right away into this slightly alternate Earth where we have Miles Moonraker instead of David Bowie and Infinite Odyssey instead of Doctor Who. There's a little bit of several beloved science fiction fandoms included here, from Doctor Who and Back to the Future (1985) to Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956), and The Infinite Miles feels like a love letter to all of them.

The mechanics of time/space travel and paradoxes aren't so complicated as to put off the casual sci-fi reader (re: me), and I never felt bogged down in the details of Fergesen's world-building. She gives us just enough to make us feel at home in her slightly alternate Earth and to make the story plausible when it's needed. On the whole, I'd say it's more of a character novel, and I loved the relationships between Harper, Peggy, Miles, and of course Argo, the starship with a soul and a mind of her own (who, incidentally, is my favorite character). Harper and Peggy's childhood friendship and their shared love for Infinite Odyssey is the heart of the novel, the need to save her the thing that drives all of Harper's actions. It emphasizes how fandoms help to create bonds and even, to some extent, shape reality.

The Incarnate is a formidable villain, more sentient and relatable than the Blob or Pod People but with a similar drive to feed and a lack of empathy. I like the direction Fergesen takes for a solution to what, at times, looks like an insurmountable problem. There are also healthy doses of queer representation, critiques of 1970s sexism, and lessons in self-love. The ending made me cry but in a cathartic way, and while there are some bittersweet overtones, it ultimately felt right. I'll be looking for a copy for my shelf for future rereads (and look at that cover! 😍).

[darkmist111]

Masters of the Universe Part 2 only convinced me how much better Adam and He-Man are when the Spot light is on them. It’s weird but the narrative does this strange contradiction with the arcs of Teela and He-Man. Adam has never needed He-Man, despite everyone thinking he’s a coward, he and cringer always face evil, they also repeat over and over again that Adam only calls upon the power when needed.

Which leads into a subplot of Evillyn and Skelator research power relinquishing which ends up going nowhere but I digress.

Along with discoverying god is apparently dead (I guess? I don’t really know He-Man lore at all) It seems to be saying that we have to look out for each other because we’re all we’ve got.

And then Teela becomes the sorceress but ends up not having to sacrifice anything? Like that kinda contradicts everything up to this point? Orca sacrifices himself, as well as Roboto and Adam, I’m not saying heroes have to sacrifice themselves but it seems like this whole thing was supposed to lead to Teela saying, “No there are more important things than having things the way I want” instead she gets her cake and eats it too which just kinda spits in the face of everything up to this point?

And even ignoring overarching narrative Teela’s conflict with her parents never interested me one bit. Teela was always Angry at her parents during the show, at Man at Arms for lying(which I already went over how annoying that was) and Sorceress for abandoning her. The problem is two fold, one that she’s angry at them for things that had little to no control over, and 2 that it’s completely unrelatable family mellow drama.

Adam on the other hand also has family drama but much better, He meets his father again in his hulk form, and I didn’t watch the show but it seems like Randor wanted Adam to be like He-Man, so this beast form is like a perverse representation of that. But in a amazingly soft moment, Randor can tell right away from his eyes that this is Adam. He then apologizes and says what he never got to say while Adam was alive the first time. We then find the queen and Randor are separated due to the strain of Adam’s death. This is all a million times more interesting than Teela’s family situation. Father son Expectations, regret at unspoken word, words too late, death in the family, child guilt at divorce, all of these are relatable and I could spend a season watching it.

And then theres the fact that Adam is just freaking awesome, Skeletor stabs him in the stomach and he stands up while bleeding from the gut against a being with all the power in the universe. Not to mention that Adam seems to have a unique connection to the power of the universe outside of He-Man. And then the guy takes on Evillyn with just cringer skeletor and a regular sword to back him up while she has the power of grey skull on her side.

Also maybe it’s just me but Evillyn seemed lamer this season, you want to power of the universe to end the universe? And you criticized Skeletor for being stupid? At least the personal motivation for his stupid goal made sense.

I don’t want to make it seem like I hate Teela I’ve seen much worse characters but it just reinforces how much better the show is when the camera is on Adam.

[justaratswriting]

Batfam and Mental Health

orOkay so I love Batman and all the things surrounding it. Like the idea of a random rich man who happens to be an orphan just suddenly adopting a ton of children is ridiculous, and thoroughly entertaining.

But I am also a big fan of psychology, and learning about the mind. So mental illness and related things are fascinating to me. 

I notice that like strangely there is very little stuff about the batfam having mental illnesses or dealing with psychology or therapy. Don’t get me wrong there is still a lot addressing these things, but still with the things the family experiences you would think it would be a lot more prevalent in the writing about them, and especially fan fiction about them.

Like I think showing mental health through  beloved characters would be really cool and could be a tool to destigmatize them. Like showing hero's with them would make really great representation, people could see them and think Oh I can still be a good person and helpful even if my mental disorder makes it hard and for things like depression or ADHD showing which misconceptions are harmful and don’t work. 

I can also see this in the physical aspect, like I wish a hero would have something like chronic pain or one of the many invisible illnesses. To give representation and show how pushing through the pain can shut a person down for days. 

The specific disorders I think would be really interesting of the top of my head is, depression, Anxiety, POTS, Fibromyalgia, Chronic pain, eating disorders, nerve damage, ADHD, Bipolar, OCD, Chronic fatigue, PTSD, c-PTSD, Autism, Elhers Danlos syndrome, And the one I really think would be interesting DID. 

Like fore depression, showing how hard it is to get out of bed. Not showing constantly being sad but showing how it can be numbing. Acknowledging that in a disorder like this logic doesn’t always win even if you are the most logical person to live. 

For anxiety showing how debilitating it can be. Looking into their minds to show the thought process, the mind fight itself and logic. Knowing their fears are unreasonable but not being able to shake the feeling. Show how for different people different things cause anxiety. 

POTS or Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, (super simply put it is a circulation disorder where upon standing up blood rushes to extremities and can cause all sorts of problems like fainting, pain in your feet, Dizziness, poor temperature regulation, etc. Also I am assuming people know what depression and anxiety is.) would be fascinating to me. Like having a hero that is constantly sitting down or biting down and pushing through the pain even a hero that has to slowly stand up. So in the middle of a battle being shoved down having to slowly stand up or risk fainting or vision completely blacking out for a while. Showing a hero who has learned to fight with no sight because of that very thing. 

Or Fibromyalgia (This one I am a little less educated about but from what I understand, it is a disorder characterized by muscle pain and tenderness usually with no known cause, so from what I understand it usually is diagnosed after a ton of other disorders are eliminated and the pain is still occurring, often also has affect on sleep and memory/mood.) Like showing a hero having a particularly hard patrol and having to take a couple days off and constantly going places or trying things to help with the pain. 

Or Chronic pain ( from what I understand the main difference between Fibromyalgia and Chronic pain is chronic pain has to do with the nerves and Fibromyalgia has to do with muscles, also Fibromyalgia has other thins to go with it like energy levels and mental functions so memory/mood.) Like a hero having constant pain even if they didn’t have a big fight, maybe showing them icing, heating, or taking pain meds and the rest of the family or team being super confused as to why. Before they know showing them freak out and worry that they went on a mission without telling anyone. Showing how it is a constant battle, that sometimes treatments will work and other times, for seemingly no reason they won’t. 

I would also like to see eating disorders portrayed by the bat family. Showing how it’s not always a conscious choice, sometimes it is more along the lines of choosing something else over eating. Showing how people can use it for control or to punish themselves. Letting there be a male example, reminding people that they can happen to anyone. Allowing people to have representation. Show a recovery, how it is not impossible for anyone but not down playing how hard it is. It is a true and hard fight, and show how it can sneak up on you and drag you back. Not just one easy recovery, that recovery is a choice. You have to want it but you also need help, it is a long hard process and accessibility is everything. Show a family member making them food, show them sometimes eating it and others not. Also don’t only show under eating show how people can’t stop themselves from eating. Having cabinets locked to keep people out, for their own safety. 

Or nerve damage, showing how years of their work and fighting can really mess someone up. Show someone suddenly losing all feeling or sensation in certain parts of their body or constant pain or even pinched nerves. Show how confusing it can be to not know what you are feeling. Show how weird it can be when you realize you are fine or that nothing is touching you or taking it in the opposite direction and not realizing you are hurt or someone is trying to be your attention. I would also love to see the batfam explain any of these injuries to the hero community or to the public. Maybe show the hero community really starting to look into mental and general health services. 

ADHD or also ADD, showing how people can use it but also showing how hard it can be to control and fight. How much it can impede focusing and show situations it can put people in. Show a hero forgetting a huge part of their plan and falling but because of some random information from a hyper focus they still save the day. 

Bipolar, showing the wild swings and how confusing it can be. Feeling like a different person, struggling with identity and their own decisions. Show them accidently pushing people away but also how hard they work to maintain family and friends that despite how unpredictable they can be their friends still stick around. Or if their friends can’t handle it show them peacefully and respectfully stepping out of their life. Show how hard that can be to except but that the future can end up better than you could ever hope. 

OCD is really one I wish we saw in the hero's. Show their routines and things they do. Show the thought process, like if I don’t properly put the dishes away in fourteen seconds the joker will escape arkham. Show how terrifying the thoughts can be, but show how detail oriented it can make people and the beautiful art and amazing work that they can do. Show a person putting them selves at risk to comply with their routine. Like ignoring injuries to write a report. Show them and family or friends working to change the routine. Show how hard it is the moments they want to turn back and continue and how much they want to stop but show them not giving up and making the differences they want. Show them accomplishing things, show their compulsions actually keeping them safe.

Or even chronic fatigue, Show the fight each morning. Them saving energy, the disconnect between how exhausted you are mentally vs. physically. Show a hero that 50% of the time physically is too exhausted to be in the field so they offer technical support. Show a hero crashing, suddenly just not having enough energy to finish patrol or even get home. So someone has to come pick them up. Show them getting stuck in a fight and how hard it can be to do anything much less a fight. 

Let the characters have PTSD or c-PTSD, show flashbacks and being stuck in your head. All of the bat family has lived through horrors please show it affecting them. Show how they get help how they work through it show what can happen and how bad it can get if it is unaddressed.  

Show them having autism and how it is just a different way of life that there is nothing inherently wrong with it and how the ignorance that surrounds it and similar disorders can hurt and affect people. Show how it can be simple things that can show it or affect it. Try and look at it from their perspective and what things happen that should not just because they way someone is. 

Elhers Danlos syndrome, show the pain, the misdiagnosis, the process, the fight. Show how disabilities like this and several others including ones I have mentioned can cause a person to need medical equipment such as wheelchairs and braces. Show how not everyone using a wheelchair can’t walk. Show how limiting it can be and the precautions you have to take but don’t make everything about how hard it can be. Show how using a Wheelchair while not ideal can open up so many opportunities. Show them actually being able to go on family vacations and amusement parks because they have a wheelchair. Show how important it is to have ramps and accommodations for similar things so people can participate and so people can actually go places they want. Always show how hard people with disabilities and such work. Show them trying to get treatment and trying new treatments show how it isn’t as simple as getting a knee brace or two. 

And finally coming to one that absolutely fascinates me, DID or Dissociative Identity Disorder formerly known as multiple personality disorder. But don’t do this one completely uneducated, it is already a very stigmatized disorder. Show how Alters communicate. Show how they all work together and that they were made so the body and mind could survive. Make full characters just put them in one body. Show the confusion once they find out, show them slowly realizing and learning signs and what happened to them. Show each of the Alters having different friends and maybe understanding and knowing the family different. Show the different reasons and setups systems can have. Show system responsibility and each Alter working on themselves and to make a life for the system. Show the roles Alters will take. Show the horrible process of fragmenting and what things can cause it but also show healing and people supporting and accepting systems. 

Overall showing good parts of all the struggles people can have but not ignoring how hard they can be or glorifying them to people who don’t understand. Showing misconceptions and how support can affect these disorders. And most important in my mind, giving hope and a future to look forward to for the people with these disorders.

[seafoamplant]

I'm a little worried that twitter is too far gone to really learn anything from this but the trans community really needs to step up its game and practice what we preach. Abigail Thorn's coming out should not have come with the baggage that it did. By that I mean, people speculating on her transition before she was ready to come out, people actually tweeting at her to just admit she was trans, picking apart her videos and photos and commenting on her body for "evidence", the doubling down on harassing her for her cheesy dad joke about sentence structure, The Canceling(tm). These are posts from trans people, doing the very things that we say is harassment when cis people do it.

Abigail Thorn and other trans women in the spotlight are put under a constant and grueling vetting process to be considered pure enough, to be "one of the good ones" from their own community, and no one seems to find it strange how we all say that marginalized women tend to be more criticized in the public eye and they have to be twice as good to be respected half as much, and yet Abigail Thorn breathes wrong, and states clearly that she isn't going to be a cruel freak and publicly disavow a close friend just to appease some mob who wouldn't have been satisfied anyway, and suddenly she's not worth watching, she's damaging to "the movement", her videos have "no substance, it's all entertainment no education", "still shouldn't have said that" etc

The trans community can say that we've been hurt and that's really true. We've all been fucking hurt, by society and each other. But literally no one reasonable is going to tell you that you can just lash out and pick apart a person that you've decided deserves it because your identity and need to be valid is so entangled with the internet that you've invented a monster to replace a human being that anyone in good faith would see is not your enemy. The idea that Abigail Thorn is not good representation because of xyz reasons is actually ridiculous, like, use your head. It's cliche to say but fucking go outside, the community is more harmed when everyone is an enemy and twitter and tumblr are not helping us

[globophobicligyrophobiccontent]

[Updating regularly! LEAVE SUGGESTIONS IN THE COMMENTS!]

If you want me to write more extensive about this and other characters' globophobia, I'll do it.

I've always liked the fact that some characters have fears or phobias, they make them easier to empathize). And now imagine that the characters have our phobia, it's the not you are alone, you are not crazy that we need sometimes. But without further blahblah let's get started

-Komodo (Animal Mechanicals): This is the character that enlightened me as a child and for whom I make this list. Mechanimals are, that, robot animals, that go on missions, learn things, a preschool series basically. In this episode, they had to go to a volcano that releases balloons, but they were exploding, and they had to find a way to stop them. And as they go to the island, one of the balloons explodes and Komodo freaks out, and BOOM, my child's mind lit up. The simple fact that a character has my fear changed my world. [You can find this chapter on YouTube: Balloon Volcano Island]

-Lacey (Corner Gas): I found this from pure searching. In short, they throw a party for this character Lacey, who seems to have balloonphobia, and then at the end of the chapter she goes to therapy with a friend who also has it and now she can take them better. [You can find this chapter in some "third party" service]

-Clyde (The Loud House): Another that I found watching cartoons. In one chapter, Lincoln's friend, Clyde, mentions having strange reactions when trying to blow up balloons (the typical symptoms, dizziness, blurred vision, etc.) And although he tries to overcome it, he still cannot.

-BoBoiBoy: This series shows how far off the internet I managed to get by looking for info about my phobia hahahaha. In short, it is an Malaysian series about a boy with superpowers. In one of those, his enemy catches him, and takes him to a torture room to get information from him, where by mistake his henchmen throw him a party. Angry by mistake he pops a balloon, and discovers that BBB scares him. They put him to the limit and he manages to unleash his superpower. [You can find this scene on YouTube]

-Roy (The IT Crowd): Now with a series a little more known. Roy mentions that he is going to a party, which his friend asks if it was that he did not like parties, to which he responds one of the best phrases I use to explain my phobia "Balloons explode Jen, they explode so suddenly and unexpectedly, that they have the capacity to give me a little fright, and I find that unbearable." [You can find the scene on YouTube]

-Snails (MLPEg): Of all this was the most unexpected. In this special of "Choose your ending", the equestria girls should see how to move props in the background of a theater easily, if you choose the Pinkie Pie, she will change things for balloons so that they move more easily. Between scenes, Snail mentions that he is not afraid of balloons, which can be seen as obviously not, and even accompanies his friend when he is scared to explode one. [You can find this chapter on YouTube: MLPEqG: All the world's off stage (Pinkie Pie Ending)]

-Brainy (Supergirl): This one is kinda new. Even tho I don't watch Supergirl, I'm always up for good representation of our phobia. In one of the newest episodes, some characters are facing their fears, even tho the majority of the characters have "emotional" fears (Betrayal, loneliness, lossing a loved one), Brainy has some sort of fear of balloons. He can see the room full of them, but he can still do his job very well (even tho he knows they aren't real). Fans theorized that the fear itself it's a metaphor for his true worries and power(I guess, correct me if I'm wrong) popping out at any moment. [You can find this episode on "third party" services like Cuevana, or on TV I guess]

-Humf: Humf is a little monster who lives everyday adventures and discovers the world around him. In one of the episodes, Humf is playing with his friends, when his uncle came to visit him bringing balloons to play. At first everything seem fun, playing with the air that came out of the balloon, chasing the balloon around and playing with the static, but for accident, Humf sits on the balloon, making it pop. After that, he realized balloons are loud, so he refuses to play with another balloons for fear of popping. Looking for a way to get back Humf to the games, his uncle starts making sound with the mouth of the balloon, thing that calls the attention of Humf. With help of his friend, Humf is back to play. Even tho Humf is still scared of the pops, he finds his way to play with balloons again. For me, the one of the best representations of this phobia. [You can find this chapter on YouTube: Humf and the balloons]

-A.N.T. Farm: Olive Doyle claims she has many phobias, including "ghosts, vampires, witches, zombies, leprechauns, giraffes, double decker buses, balloons and... (shudders) curly fries." Just mentioned as a comic relief I guess.

-King of the hill: Bill seems scared when Hank mentioned balloons. just mentioned once.

[+18? Kinda but not explicit] -Bob's burguer: In the episode "It snakes a village" when the family goes to visit Linda's parents to a seniors home village, the regiment seems to be filled with old people (ehemswingersehem), but points aside, it seems like Linda's mom, Gloria, is easily startles by loud sudden noises, such as the back lid of the car being closed, people surprising her from behind, and balloons of course. On the other side, his husband Al, seems to have a f3ti$h of woman popping balloons, clearly some opposites. At the end of the episode, they discover that they can mix both things and "try new things", as Bob gives Gloria a pair of headphones. This is an interesting way to show the fear, since it's pretty know that sometimes phobias can do a 180° turn around and became a ehemehemphword, being balloons a good example.

-Whomp! Comics: In this webcomic series, the protagonist, Ronnie, clearly has a phobia of loud sudden noises. In various comics, he seems to be scared of thunder, biscuits cans and balloons. [You can find this comic online, if you're looking specifically for the ones mentioned here, just search on Google "whomp comic fear of balloons/thunder"]

-Mae, Nicky, Ricky, Dicky & Dawn: When Mae was first introduced in Dawn Moves Out, during her sleepover with Dawn, which helps Dawn realize that it's time to move out to her own bedroom instead of sharing with her brothers. She reveals that she is afraid of balloons. She was saving that secret as part of a sleepover game, then by accident, Dawn's mom bring some balloons at the room, scarier Mae, even tho after Dawn put them out of the room, her dad bring them back again, scaring her again. This fear is mentioned again when in one episode she's keeping a class secret from Dawn and her brothers, so Dawn uses a balloon turkey (And popped it) to intimidate Mae and make her talk.

-"Jillian Holtzmann" The Ghostbusters: I really don't know about this character's phobia, the only thing I find it's the trivia, I'll try to update this. (Update I guess: According to a comics artist, she always been that way, no the thing I expected but ok at the same time, we don't own explanations to no one)

Anyways, I hope you like my post, do you know more characters with our phobia?

[izzyfandoms]

Buy One, Get Six Free

(Thomas and Remy have been together for a while now, and it’s going well, but there’s one problem. Remy doesn’t know that Thomas has sides. 

What happens when Thomas finally tells him the truth? How will Remy react? And will Remy love the sides as much as they love him?)

SHIPS: Sleepmas, Losleep, Sleepality, Rosleep, Sleepxiety, Sleepceit, Dukesleep

WARNINGS: Sympathetic Deceit, Sympathetic Remus, Remus says some mildly sexual/gory things but nothing actually happens

TAGLIST: @quillfics42 @ajdraws0430 @phantomofthesanderssides @creativity-killed-thekitten @phlying-squirrel @sly-is-my-name-loving-is-my-game @because-were-fam-ily @imtryingthisout @a-creepycookie @emo-disaster @littlestr @spooky-scary-virgil @fuyel @mimsidoodles @soupgromlin

Masterpost

Thomas bit his lip, pacing back and forth across the living room floor and wringing his hands. He routinely checked the clock, watching the seconds tick by, getting closer and closer to 2pm. His stomach filled with dread as the sides all watched him walk, a strange mixture of excitement, neutrality, and downright terror.

“Okay… but, like, what if he freaks out?” Virgil spoke up suddenly. “This is a bad idea, one of the worst ideas we’ve ever had. Why are we doing this? We’re just gonna ruin everything. He’s gonna think we’re super weird and dump Thomas immediately, and then we’ll be alone forever.”

Thomas made a pained sound, as did Roman, and Logan sighed.

“Virgil, we don’t know that,” He said calmly. “And, based on prior behaviour, I doubt Remy will react like that. It is more likely that he’ll be confused than anything else. Besides, communication is a necessity in any long-term relationship, it would be unhealthy to keep this from him for much longer.”

Patton nodded eagerly. “Yeah, and Remy loves Thomas, he’s not gonna leave him just ‘cos of this!”

Virgil didn’t look convinced, but he didn’t say anything else, silently chewing his thumb as he sat at the foot of the stairs.

“Do you think he’ll wanna fuck us, too?” Remus grinned, practically bouncing up and down on the spot, and Roman gasped beside him, kicking his brother in the shin.

“Don’t be crude, oh, evil twin of mine, we should focus on the romance!” Roman said. “And, besides, you’re the ugly one, anyway.”

Before this could escalate into a full-on brawl – which it likely would have, given how most arguments with the twins turned out – Deceit intervened, two extra arms appearing at his waist, stretching out and pushing the brothers apart. Fortunately, Thomas was too busy stressing out to notice, or he might have actually thrown up.

All of a sudden, they heard a knock at the door – three raps, and then the doorbell rang.

It was Remy.

Logan straightened up, adjusting his tie. “We’re sticking to the plan,” He said, leaving no room for disagreement. “We’ll all sink out, and then, when Thomas cues us, I will appear, and we will explain the situation to Remy. If he is agreeable, Patton can appear, too, and possibly Roman. We do not want to overwhelm him.”

The doorbell rang again, and Thomas rushed over to the door. He looked back at his sides, watching them all sink out – some wishing him good luck, but most just disappearing without a word – before opening it, and coming face-to-face with his boyfriend.

“’Sup, babe,” Remy greeted, before his brow pinched together, and he tilted his head. “You look stressed. You good?”

“Yup!” Thomas answered, his voice just a little too high, and not convincing either of them.

Remy nodded slowly. “Uh huh… sure. You wanna talk about it?”

“Later.”

His boyfriend didn’t look like he believed that, either, despite it being the honest truth, but he didn’t press, instead lifting the two to-go cups in his hands.

“I brought coffee.”

Thomas smiled genuinely as Remy handed him the cup, taking a large sip with a content sigh, and stepping to the side so his boyfriend could enter the apartment. There were a few moments of silence, and that was when Thomas noticed that Remy was staring at him.

“What?”

Remy let out an exaggerated gasp. “Wow, I’m out here looking like a snack and you’re just not going to kiss me? Rude.”

Thomas couldn’t help but laugh, leaning down and pecking his (short) boyfriend on the lips. When he pulled back, Remy gave him one of those soft smiles that made his heart do cartwheels in his chest (and maybe Patton was doing cartwheels in the mindscape, too, there was really no way to tell).

Remy took Thomas’s hand, tracing random shapes across his palm with his finger.  

“So,” He began. “Are you gonna tell me what’s up, or am I gonna have to guess?”

Thomas tried not to panic and freeze at the question, he really did, but Remy noticed anyway, looking back up at him with concern.

“I need to tell you something,” Thomas admitted. “It’s nothing bad, it’s just… there’s something about me that you need to know, and you’re probably gonna want to sit down for this.”

He led Remy over to the couch, and they both sat down.

“I, uh…” Thomas trailed off. He sighed; this was going to be hard to explain. “Just- um…”  

He waved his hand, deciding to just rip off the band-aid, without any preamble, and Logan rose up in his usual spot. Remy jolted so hard he almost fell off the sofa, and Thomas only just managed to catch his sunglasses in time, as they’d slipped right off his face. He tried to hand them back, but Remy wasn’t paying attention to him, instead, he was staring at Logan, wide-eyed and perplexed.

After a moment or two, Remy began to look back and forth between Thomas and Logan, as if comparing them, and they waited patiently for him to finish.

“Okay, uh…��� Remy said, running his fingers through his hair, messing it up even further. “What?”

Thomas wanted to fix it for him, to pull him close and reassure him that he wasn’t insane, but he was worried that Remy wouldn’t react well, so he resorted to just staring at him instead.

“I am Logan, it is nice to finally meet you,” Logan introduced himself, stepping forward and holding out his hand for Remy to shake.

Remy did so almost immediately, wanting to check if Logan was really there, and looking rather startled when he realised that he was, in fact, real. His hand was soft, just like Thomas’s, though a little bit cooler, and Remy’s touch lingered as he found himself wanting to just keep holding that hand and never let go (like he often felt with Thomas).

Logan’s face had turned pink by the time that Remy pulled away, and he cleared his throat in an attempt to regain his composure.

“I am one of Thomas’s sides, the physical representation of his logical thinking and knowledge.”

Remy nodded along as if he understood. “Uh huh, okay… what does that mean?”

“I’ve found that comparing our situation to that of Riley’s in the movie ‘Inside Out’ is the easiest way to explain it to others,” Logan explained. “Just, instead of emotions, we represent more complex concepts such as Logic, Morality and Creativity.”

“Is that why you made me watch Inside Out with you last week?” Remy glanced at Thomas, and his boyfriend gave him a slightly sheepish smile and a nod.

“You’re taking this remarkably well,” Thomas commented.

Remy shrugged. “This isn’t the craziest shit I’ve ever seen.”

“It isn’t?”

“I’ll tell you ‘bout it later, babe,” Remy said, patting Thomas’s arm. “So, how many sides are there?”

Logan took a step closer. “Right now, there are six of u-”

Before he could finish that sentence, both Patton and Roman popped up in their usual spots, making Remy jump, though he didn’t look nearly as startled as he had when Logan had first appeared. They both looked ecstatic, and, frankly, lovestruck.

“Hi, I’m Patton!”  

Patton looked like he wanted to hug Remy – and he did, desperately – but he didn’t want to overwhelm him, so he stayed by the curtains. Roman, apparently, had no such qualms, rushing forward and taking Remy’s hands in his own. This was the first time he was seeing Remy with his own two eyes (not just through Thomas’s), and he was too gay to think straight.

“Oh, my stars, you’re gorgeous!” Roman breathed, and, before he could stop himself, he continued with: “I’m in love with you.”

For a moment, Remy looked surprised, and then his expression melted into the soft smile that he usually reserved just for Thomas. In any other situation, Remy looking at someone else like that would have made Thomas feel jealous, but Roman wasn’t really ‘someone else’, was he? He was a part of Thomas, and if Remy could love Thomas as a whole, which he did, very much, he could love all his different parts, too.

Things were going to be okay.

***

“I do not have any feelings or emotions; I am only in a relationship with you because Thomas is. It just makes logical sense,” Logan said matter-of-factly, adjusting his glasses.

“Sure,” Remy said. “Does that mean you want me to get out of your lap?”

Logan instantly tightened his grip around Remy’s waist, pulling him closer. “Of course not.”

Remy smirked, tilting his head up to look at him. “Aww, does that mean you love me?”

“I do not feel love.”

Remy pouted, and, even though Logan knew it was fake, he still immediately had the urge to take it back, so the smile that he adored would return.

“Okay, fine, I love you,” He admitted.

One of Remy’s hands reached up to carefully cradle Logan’s face, the other resting in the centre of his chest, over his tie – ready to, at any moment, use it to pull Logan closer and capture his lips in a kiss, as he often did.

“I love you, too,” Remy smiled. “My shooting star.”

Logan’s cheeks reddened at the nickname – just like he knew they would – and Remy’s smile widened.

“You’re adorable,” He said.

“Falsehood.”  

“You are,” Remy insisted, sitting up straighter so they were almost nose-to-nose, bumping Logan’s glasses. “You.” Kiss. “Are.” Kiss. “Adorable.”

He then kissed him again, this one lingering longer, before Remy finally pulled back. Logan couldn’t help but chase his lips, and Remy smirked again, making Logan blush just a little bit more.

“See,” Remy tucked a stray strand of hair behind Logan’s ear. “Adorable.”  

***

“Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Now try this one,” Patton beamed, holding out another cookie just in front of Remy’s lips.

Remy opened his mouth obediently, taking a bite and chewing it slowly.  

He and Patton had spent the last few hours baking a variety of sweet treats in Thomas’s kitchen. If you asked Patton, he would say that it was a team effort. If you asked Remy, however, he would say that Patton had done most of the work, as Remy had no idea how to bake. He wasn’t complaining, though, not in the slightest, especially not when Patton came up behind him, covering Remy’s hands with his own to guide him.

Remy swallowed. “It’s good,” He said. “Sweet.” And then he grinned. “Though not as sweet as you, sugar.”

Patton giggled, delighted.

“Not too sweet?” He asked.

“Never.”

Patton laughed again, poking Remy’s nose. “I was talking about the cookie, silly!”

“Oh, yeah, they’re good, too.”

“Do you think Thomas will like them?” Patton asked.

Remy tilted his head, his sunglasses slipping down his nose – revealing his distractingly gorgeous baby blue eyes – as he gave Patton an amused look. His hair flopped to one side, and Patton reached out to fix it.  

“I’m pretty sure you know him better than I do, hon.”

“That’s true,” Patton said, before popping the rest of the cookie into his mouth. He chewed slowly, before smiling again. “I think Thomas will like them.”

***

Thomas flung the front door open, smiling when Remy stepped inside, immediately taking Thomas’s hand, squeezing it, and planting a kiss on his boyfriend’s cheek.

“Morning, babe,” He greeted.

“Hey,” Thomas said. “I’ve gotta get back to work now – Logan and Roman are helping me with a new video idea – but Virgil’s out, so you can hang out with him, for now.”

Remy grinned, taking off his sunglasses and placing them on top of his head, knowing full well that Virgil was weak for his eyes, and intending on taking full advantage of that fact. To be fair, all of them loved Remy’s eyes, and, upon seeing them, Thomas couldn’t help but lean down and kiss him properly.

When they pulled apart, Remy stepped around him, into the apartment, strolling over to the couch, where Virgil lay, scrolling through his phone. It didn’t really make sense that Virgil had a phone, but nothing about the sides ever really made sense, so Remy chose not to question it, instead flopping into Virgil’s lap without warning, grinning when the anxious side instinctively sat up, wrapping his arms around him.

“Mornin’, handsome.”

Remy’s smile widened as Virgil’s face turned pink. He remained flustered for another moment or two, before he calmed himself down and rolled his eyes.

“Not a very accurate compliment, babe.”

Remy shushed him, covering Virgil’s mouth with his finger. “Nope, nuh-uh – you can’t insult my boyfriend like that. I won’t allow it.”

Virgil snorted, taking Remy’s hand away from his face and intertwining their fingers.  

“Are you just here to keep me distracted so I don’t keep bothering Thomas about the new video idea?” He asked dryly.

“I’m here because I wanna snuggle with my very gorgeous boyfriend,” Remy corrected, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to the tip of Virgil’s nose. “And also make out with him. Any distraction from bugging Thomas is just a bonus.”

Virgil rolled his eyes again. “You’ve got seven boyfriends, why choose to sit on my lap?”

“Technically, I only have one boyfriend.”

“Wow, big word. Logan would be so proud of you.”

Remy poked Virgil’s shoulder. “Don’t be rude. And I’m sitting in your lap because I love you and I want to, plus you’re, like, super warm.”

“We’re all warm.” There was a beat. “I love you, too.”

Remy grinned again. “Great. Wanna make out?”

***

Remy absent-mindedly scrolled through his phone. Thomas was upstairs, looking for something, and would likely remain there for another few minutes, at least, so his boyfriend was just looking for a way to pass the time.  

Then, suddenly, he heard the familiar whooshing sound that meant a side had just risen up. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw light blue, and a bespectacled man standing by the curtains. Remy snorted quietly.

“You know that doesn’t work on me, darlin’.”

Deceit pouted – a very Patton-like expression, most likely deliberate – and then crossed his arms in a manner that was decidedly not Patton, which would have given him away, if Remy hadn’t already seen through his disguise.

“What did I do wrong this time?”

Remy looked up from his phone, giving Deceit a once-over. He then shrugged. “I dunno. You’re just… different, I guess.”

Deceit sighed, running his fingers through his hair, and, in the blink of an eye, he was back to his normal snake-like self, his hat in his hand. He placed it on his head, but, before he could say anything else, Remy had jumped off the couch, reaching up on his tiptoes and plucking the hat back off his head with a grin. He only just managed to run his fingers through Deceit’s hair, which made the lying side smile, as, even though he was the shortest side, Remy was still much shorter than him, which was, honestly, adorable.  

“You’re cuter without the hat,” Remy teased, placing it on his own head. “It looks better on me.”

And how was Deceit supposed to not kiss him when he looked like that? Wearing Deceit’s hat and grinning up at him in that way reserved just for them.

He didn’t get the chance to, though, as Remy kissed him first, standing up on his tiptoes and wrapping his arms around Deceit’s neck. Remy tugged him as close as possible, humming quietly against Deceit’s lips.

***

The moment Remy stepped into the apartment, he was swept off his feet, scooped up into Roman’s arms, and twirled around – once, twice, thrice. Remy’s sunglasses almost fell to the ground, but he caught them just in time, tucking them onto his t-shirt collar.

“How are you, on this fine morning, my radiant Sleeping Beauty?”

Remy sighed, wrapping one arm around Roman’s neck, the other hand clutching his half-empty coffee cup.  

“Ugh, the barista at Starbucks was, like, so rude to me, this morning,” He complained, pouting slightly, but relaxing. “She just kept glaring at me.”

Roman clicked his tongue, but he couldn’t help but grin.  

“Would you like me to fight her for you, my love?” He offered.

Remy snorted. “I’m pretty sure the cops would get called if you showed up at Starbucks with your sword, Prince Charming. Thomas would end up behind bars, and then who would take me into their arms and kiss me every day?”

“That’s the real tragedy,” Roman said, leaning closer to kiss Remy.

“Get a room!” Virgil shouted from the couch.

“You’re just jealous that Remy loves me more,” Roman joked.

Remy stretched his legs, reclining in Roman’s arms. He grinned. “Now, now, boys… there’s enough of me to go around. Besides, I don’t pick favourites.” He paused for a moment. “And, if I had to, I’d pick Thomas.”

Roman stuck his tongue out at Virgil, who rolled his eyes.

“Come on,” Remy smiled at Virgil over Roman’s shoulder. “Aren’t you gonna come give me a kiss, too, gorgeous?”

***

If he had been with anybody else, Remy would have scowled at the loss of his sunglasses. But he was with Remus, and he was used to this, so instead he just smiled, tilting his head up to meet his boyfriend’s eyes.

Remus dropped the sunglasses on the couch beside them, grabbing Remy’s face – a little roughly, but not hard enough to hurt.

“I want to steal your eyes.”

This probably would’ve alarmed Remy, but he was used to this kind of language from Remus, so instead he just laughed quietly, poking Remus’s shoulder.

“I think I’d rather you didn’t, pumpkin,” Remy said. “I kinda need them. How else am I supposed to admire your gorgeous face?”

Remus nodded, humming. “Good point.”  

He ran one finger down the side of Remy’s face, the other hand holding his face in place as he stared into Remy’s eyes. Perhaps this should’ve been uncomfortable, but how could Remy feel anything but comfort when he was curled up in Remus’s lap, half under a blanket, with some horror movie that neither of them were paying attention to playing in the background.

“I’m gonna copy them,” Remus decided finally.

“Copy them?”

Remus nodded eagerly, his thumb resting just below Remy’s left eye. “Uh huh! I’m gonna make copies of your eyes that I can keep with me even when you’re not around.” Suddenly, he gasped, and then grinned. “I wonder what they’ll taste like.”

Remy wrinkled his nose. “Gross.”

Remus took that as a compliment, as Remy knew he would.  

“Thanks!” He exclaimed, one hand moving to squeeze Remy’s waist, before pulling him into a predictably messy kiss.

***

Remy hadn’t meant to stop in the middle of the hallway, but he was distracted very easily, and, after pausing mid-step to read a text, he ended up standing there for almost five minutes. He didn’t look up when he heard footsteps behind him, and when he felt a hand on the small of his back, he knew exactly who it was.

“Hey, babe,” Remy greeted, his eyes remaining on his phone screen. “Just one sec, I’m arguing with my mom.”

“How can you always tell when it’s me?” Thomas asked.  

Remy shrugged, finishing his text, before stuffing his phone back into his pocket. He then turned and wrapped his arms around Thomas’s neck.

“I dunno,” He said. “It’s just… obvious.”

“What, have you got like a… sixth sense for it, or something?” Thomas joked.

Remy laughed. “Nah, I’m just perceptive like that.”

He then kissed Thomas, quick and soft, before pulling back slightly. There was a beat, and then Thomas grinned, a glint that screamed either Remus or Roman – there wasn’t time for Remy to decipher it – in his eyes. Before Remy could question it, Thomas dipped him with a laugh that was absolutely Remy’s favourite sound.  

He kissed him again and again and again and then once more on his neck to make him laugh.

“Did Roman tell you to do that?” Remy asked, his sunglasses slipping to reveal eyes that were so bright and happy that Thomas’s heart felt just a little too big for his ribcage.

“I can decide to do things on my own, you know,” Thomas teased.

Remy raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, fine,” Thomas admitted. “But Roman wasn’t actually the only one telling me to do that.”

“I’m sure.”

A moment passed, and then Thomas’s smile softened. “I love you so much, we all do.”

“I know,” Remy said, one hand moving up to cradle Thomas’s face. “I love you, too.”

[beauty-and-passion]

Hey! I want to ask you to make a theory on Janus! (if you can and if you want!) Because although I'm more than convinced, doubts are a pain. And it's really bothering me!

In Moving On 1/2, was Roman really Roman? Or was it Janus all along? I had felt icky when watching the videos the first time. Roman was just Off! He was acting weird and sounded strange! And his posture was a little too distinct I think. Either way I brushed it off as me being parano-vigilant (overthinking/overanalyzing) and continued with the videos. Until I saw this video: https://youtu.be/fUOXX266pVQ (Sander Sides theory: Is Janus disguised as Roman?)

A few things I, myself, noticed were that "Roman" was facing Thomas with the right side of face a lot. He was turned just a smidge and mostly kept the right side of his face towards Thomas. Also he used his Left Hand! A lot! While we've seen the real Roman use his right (in the very next episode). In addition there were a lot of Yellow and Black themes with anything he picked up! Also, I feel like after what happened, Roman would be in his room sulking or hurt. We know he gets bruised (In Negative Thinking) due to a blow to the ego. And that was only because of a little mishap on the stage! An infinitesimal mistake! But this was far more serious! Roman is romance! Imagine how much he could've been suffering after such events! Giving Janus the perfect opportunity to strike! To steer Thomas on the path he deems is crucial to Thomas' bigger future. To his wants. It just seems right that it was him!

Also Roman saying "dude" to Virgil!? He's supposed to be creativity! He has the best names for anyone and everyone!

And at 3:12 in the second part when Thomas mentions that "lying is a side of himself he prefers not to feed into"...... the picture behind him is him with yellow gloves!

And (if it's him, J starts acting more like himself! The facial expressions, posture, monologue, everything!)

That's all I'm saying- I'm really conflicted because there doesn't seem to be enough proof for whether it's Ro or Jan!!

Okay, I saw that video and, well, I don’t think Janus was impersonating Roman during those two episodes. The points made in the video, despite being interesting, were also a bit flawed.

For example: Roman criticizing Thomas when he started to dance and asking him to stop. The authors of the video said it was weird, because Roman “would never do that and, on the contrary, he would encourage Thomas to keep going, because he’s Creativity.”

But, seriously, has Roman ever done that? Has Roman ever accepted ALL kind of creativity? If that was the case, then why Roman would hate his brother’s creative suggestions this much? They’re still creativity, after all. He should accept them as well. He’s Creativity, after all.

This connects to another point, further in the video, in which the authors said it was weird Roman wasn’t able to play the flute. They said (and I quote): “As Creativity, he should have the abilty to play instruments”.

Can you see where the mistake is? The authors forgot something extremely important Thomas clarified long time ago, in the Q&A:

[Anxiety]: No, I'm not the same for everybody. I'm Thomas' anxiety. Everyone's works differently.

Thomas’ Sides are HIS Sides. They don’t encompass the universal concepts of Creativity, Morality or Anxiety. So, since Roman isn’t the representation of the general, human concept of Creativity, it makes sense he’s not able in all forms of the creative spectrum. Because Thomas isn’t, so he’s not as well.

Therefore, Roman isn’t able to accept and welcome all kinds of creativity, because he’s Thomas’ Creativity. Thomas isn’t a good dancer, so Roman would prefer him to not dwell into that. Thomas isn’t a good musician, so Roman isn’t as well. But Thomas is good at acting - and we saw Roman dragging him on stage and perform sketches. Thomas is good at singing and we saw Roman writing songs and doing musicals. And Thomas is good at writing - and we saw Roman suggesting fanfictions about Frozen.

If we think about it, the same happens to everyone in real life. If you’re good at dancing and terrible at playing, it’s very unlikely your creativity will push you to play the guitar, rather than learn some good moves. No one is expert of everything, so no one’s Creativity is as well :)

While other points in the video, are taken a bit too subjectively. The authors lacked objectivity and interpreted some details as proofs, while most of them were just jokes or due to the situation. Of course Roman didn’t want to leave, because Patton’s room was a sanctuary in which he could reminisce about all past things he likes. Of course Roman pushed for Thomas to call back his ex - because he needs love, as he said in FWSA:

[Roman]: I so... SO badly want this. I- I'm desperate for it... ...but you can't have true love... ...if the relationship isn't built on truth.

And let’s not forget that Patton’s room played a role as well. Roman was too immersed into reminiscing the past, that he descended into a too familiar train of thoughts: oh look at how beautiful everything was in the past and your relationship was so beautiful as well. Hey, why don’t we call back your ex? Isn’t that a train of thoughts a lot of people experience, while dealing with a break up?

And of course Roman was acting strange: because Patton’s room influenced him. Just like it influenced Virgil, by increasing his anxiety and how it forced Logan to leave. After all, we saw that Virgil’s room affects everyone, so why Patton’s room shouldn’t have done it as well?

Speaking of your points. They’re all interesting and they proved you’re a good observer - it takes a lot of attention to find all these details, so hats off to you! But they’re also too small or inconsistent, to be considered proofs.

For example, using the left hand has never been associated with Janus - all Sides shifts from left to right hand all the time and Roman in particular is ambidextrous (he wrote with his left during the Christmas episode and wields the sword with his right during the Valentine one).

And Roman not having a best name for Virgil isn’t exactly a novelty. One example in Am I Original:

[Princey]: Quiet, you... Jerky-McJerk Face. Argh, I'm too busy brainstorming to think of a harmful nickname.

Also, when Thomas said that "lying is a side of himself he prefers not to feed into”, I checked the scene just to see these gloves you talked about...

And I know it’s a bit small, but check the video: those are not gloves. Those are the sleeves of a shirt :P And they’re orange, not yellow, so why should they refer to Janus? XD

In conclusion: I know we all love overanalyzing stuff, I love it too, but sometimes we should listen to Thomas’ advice and not see too much into things XD

It’s true that some details are specifically put in the episodes for us to notice (like the orange 07734 message in POF. That was definitely added for the fandom to see it and freak out - as we did). But others are just details, jokes, parts of a funny gag. Being parano-vigliant is funny and good, especially with this series because of the huge amount of easter eggs and connections... but sometimes all we can do is just enjoy a funny gag :D

[frodos-bizarre-adventure]

@gingerreggg sorry this took a while

Heads Up- Part 18 (Joseph x Bust! Caesar)

▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪

Joseph rushed into the gallery first thing in the morning as soon as the doors were opened.

He went straight over to the hall of sculptures as quickly as he could, and to his relief, he saw Caesar on his pedestal, looking fierce and elegant as he did the day before.

"Hey there, Caesarino, hope you're fine," he said.

Caesar darted his eyes over to Joseph but otherwise didn't move.

"It's okay, there's nobody around yet." Joseph reassured him.

At once Caesar dropped all pretense and slumped down. Joseph quickly caught him before he fell over.

"You would not believe the night I had," Caesar groaned, softly.

"Did you get off your pedestal again, Cae?" Joseph scolded. "I'm impressed you even got down from there..." He inspected Caesar all over, checking for any damage, and was relieved to see none. "Still, you could have been caught!"

"I know to freeze when I have to!" Caesar shot back. "You try sitting in one place the whole night!"

"I'm sorry, Caesar, just one more day, please?" Joseph pleaded. "Then you can come home with me after the event is done."

"Alright. Alright." Caesar calmly huffed. "I'll do this for you." He looked up at Joseph with his bright green eyes and gave a shy smile.

Joseph gently stroked his warm, painted cheek. "I promise I'll take you home," he said.

The two suddenly heard footsteps and Caesar immediately froze.

It was Mark, the maintenance man of the gallery. "Who...who are you talking to?" he asked, confused.

"Er, no one," Joseph quickly replied with an awkward grin.

Mark scratched his head. "Say, Mr. Joestar...there's something mighty odd about that sculpture of yours," he said. "It disappeared from its place last night and showed up near the display cabinet of the dead Zeppeli guy's art."

"That's strange..." Joseph pretended to wonder, faking not knowing what happened.

"Maybe my mind is just messing with me," Mark sighed. "I'm probably just tired."

"Yeah, I mean sculptures don't just walk away, do they?" Joseph laughed sheepishly. "I mean, he --it-- doesn't even have any legs to walk away with!"

Caesar frowned at the joke.

"THERE!" Mark exclaimed, stumbling back. "I swear I saw it move!"

"What?" Joseph turned around in mock surprise. There, on the pedestal, Caesar stood, motionless and unmoving as ever.

"Mark, I think you really need to take a day off," Joseph said, giving the maintenance man a pat on the back. "You've probably just been working too hard."

Mark sighed. "I suppose you're right," he said.

As soon as he departed, Joseph turned back toward Caesar.

"Alright, Cae, this is important," he said sternly. "The judging and grading of the sculptures is today, ok? Please, I'm begging you...don't freak the judges out."

"I'll try my hardest not to," Caesar grumbled.

----------

It wasn't long before the time of reckoning was at hand.

"Attention, all participants!" blared a voice from the loudspeaker. "All artists for the judging of the final project of undergrad year-- please proceed to the front gallery when your name is called, and bring your project with you."

"You ready?" Joseph said, breathing heavily.

Caesar didn't reply, fixed in his guise of a lifeless object.

"I know you are," Joseph laughed, resting his hand on his head, feeling the delicate texture of the clay spikes of hair.

"Joestar! Mr. Joestar, please proceed to the front gallery with your project." blared the voice on the speaker.

"Dammit, we're up first," Joseph groaned nervously.

He picked up Caesar, embracing him lightly around his torso stub, and began to carry him to the front gallery, where the judges awaited.

Joseph's eyes widened when he saw the panel that was going to grade his masterpiece.

One was Mr. Zeppeli himself, his face warm and kind. He smiled when he saw Joseph carrying Caesar, the likeness of his late grandson, whose secret he had discovered-- but promised to never tell.

The second was a middle-aged, black haired man, with long, dark hair that fell ominously around his head. His eyes were piercing sharp, his face cold and calculating, and Joseph couldn't help but feel a hint of intimidation at the oddly-disconcerting stranger.

And it was the third judge that struck Joseph the most.

It was Professor Lisa. His own mother.

She eyed him from her seat, pulling down her sunglasses to take a better look. Joseph felt nervous. She may had been a distant figure in his life, but he couldn't help but feel like he had some large shoes to fill, and her stern upringing of him made him all the more anxious of slipping up.

Especially now his art piece had a very deep secret.

Joseph wiped the sweat from his brow as he laid Caesar down onto the desk, where the judges could see him more closely.

"Greetings, Mr. Joestar," the black-haired judge said, to start off the grading. "I see you've made...this to be your entry," he said.

"Yes, it is indeed, mister..." Joseph nervously said.

"That's Professor Straizo to you, young man," snapped the judge.

The judges began to take turns inspecting the motionless Caesar, observing his details, and asking Joseph questions: his inspirations, his methods, his symbolism and intent and metaphorical representation of the figure. All the while, a cascade of emotions rushed through Joseph's heart as he felt a mild hint of disbelief that the moment he'd been working for all these years was finally happening.

He felt simultaneously excited, afraid, anxious, proud... so many feelings flooded him at once. Yet he tried to maintain his composure: to display and exude confidence, regardless of how he felt.

Destiny was upon him, and he refused to let it slip from his grasp.

"Say, Joseph, I'm very impressed," Professor Lisa said, as she inspected each carved line on Caesar's hair, etched into the clay in a convincing imitation of real hair formed of strands. "I'd supposed you wouldn't have the discipline and motivation to make such hard work," she added, with that same strict, scolding tone Joseph knew so well, "but for once I'm glad to be proven wrong. Your effort in creating this figure to such realism as to closely resemble a living person is admirable...and while I promised to grade your art without bias, I must say that this figure is easily the greatest one I have yet to see."

"Even from the eyes merely of a professional artist, and not just that of a mother."

A warm smile crept across Joseph's face.

It felt vindicating to hear that from her.

Professor Straizo was next to evaluate.

"Your taste in art is rather...concerning," he said, in his same cold and intimidating voice. "This figure is so much in a person's likeness that it appears borderline unsettling, like a real-life person save for its lack of body...and a look that seems vaguely living. This thing disturbs me, Mr. Joestar..."

"...and yet somehow I cannot help but admire at how well you create...this to such uncanny precision. What in the world is this meant to be?" he asked Joseph, as if demanding an explanation for the figure he found both repelling and yet alluring.

"Well, Mr. Straizo..." Joseph replied, trying to keep a facade of confidence despite his nervousness, "this figure represents...uh, the power of the human spirit. It represents...courage and passion, and a symbol of how a person's true strength...lies within."

Straizo raised an eyebrow. "Very well, then."

And of course, last to evaluate was none other than Mr. Zeppeli, who gave a knowing wink to Joseph.

"Mr. Joestar, you are very commendable in your passion, your dedication, and your talent in creating this beautiful piece. This piece that you make to give life to a legacy that came before you. A piece that, as Mr. Straizo said, is a bit odd and unconventional, and as Mrs. Lisa said, a labor of love and determination, but one that I say is a testament to your will and your gift. And I say this, Joseph, of your piece-- that it represents you as a person more than anything else.

Joseph felt an odd warmth in his heart as he heard this.

He and Caesar were a perfect match, it seemed.

For the next ten minutes the judges observed Caesar and photographed him from different angles, and discussed among themselves while Joseph looked on, confident at their words of admiration and yet concerned about Caesar breaking character and exposing his secret to the rest of the world.

But thankfully Caesar, trying his best, was able to keep his composure.

And soon the judges had made a decision.

Professor Lisa was the one to speak up. "Joseph Joestar, after much deliberation, we have decided that your piece..."

Joseph tensed up in anticipation.

"...will be this year's first placer in our art gallery. You get an A for creativity, an A for effort, an A for skill and last but nor least, an A+ for your talent in utilizing this medium."

A smile emerged on her face, as she tacked a gold ribbon onto Caesar's base.

A smile of approval that Joseph had yearned for for so long.

"Congratulations, Joseph," she said, with an uncharacteristic warmth to her normally stoic demeanor. "You are now officially a graduate of this university's degree on visual arts!"

"YES!" Joseph exclaimed, pumping his fists eagerly as tears of joy welled up in his eyes. He'd done it, at long last.

His dream was fulfilled at long last.

And he couldn't have done it without Caesar's help.

His joy was tainted with a hint of sadness, however, when he saw the judges and other attendees making a fuss over Caesar, frozen in place while being photographed, touched and admired. He'd promised Caesar he wouldn't let such a fate become his final destiny.

Caesar had helped him succeed. And now he had to do his part.

"Excuse me...Mom?" He asked Professor Lisa, who turned to look at her, with a proud smile at being addressed as such by her normally distant son.

"Could I make a little request? I wish to...get to take my project home with me."

"Why?" she asked, surprised. "Wouldn't you want to put it up on display here at the gallery, for the world to admire?"

"It's...it's that this figure...means a lot to me. I know it may sound weird, but he --it-- is something whose presence comforts me. I put a lot of work in this project...that it doesn't feel like just a project to me. More like a sort of angel of inspiration watching over and guiding me, as silly as that may sound."

"That's a peculiar attachment to that figure of yours, I'd say," she answered with a mildly perplexed look, "but I don't see why not. After all, I can understand why you'd be reluctant to part with it."

Joseph hugged her out of gratitude. "Thanks...Mom. You don't know how much this means to me."

Professor Lisa smiled back as she returned the gesture. He may have grown a lot without her, but he was, and always be, her little boy deep down.

Even if she didn't get to show it.

--------

"Congratulations, Jojo!" Suzi squealed at the gallery, as soon as Joseph walked out of the judges room, Caesar in hand.

"Aww, Suzi," he laughed with a blush. "It's not just me you should congratulate!"

"Oh, right, Caesar too," she giggled sheepishly. "How are you doing there, Cae?"

Caesar glanced around to make sure he wasn't being watched, before replying.

"Suzi... that was the worst moment of my entire life." he complained. "And I've been alive for like, a couple of months."

Joseph and Suzi shared a giggle.

"Don't be like that, Cae. That was your big day too, you know?"

"I know, I know," Caesar answered. "It's just that...it felt so wrong being treated like that, you know?" He sighed.

"Jojo...Suzi...I've always been grateful that you two treated me as a person, even with me being...what I am. And I can't help but feel more grateful for that, than after the judges saw me but as an object," he said sadly. "The world can never know I am alive, and they will never see me as any other way."

Joseph hugged the bust tightly. "You're not an object to me, Caesarino. You're everything to me. And I'm so proud at how brave you were."

He set Caesar back down onto his pedestal, at the gallery.

"We'll just wait for this exhibition to close, alright? Just a few hours more."

"And then you'll finally be going home."

---------

(Previous Chapter)

(Next Chapter)

[albatris]

ok ok alriiiight ok so the plot of ATDAO

this post is not, like........... well, it’s not gonna be a blurb or a summary or a nice neat synopsis, this is not Professional Writeblr Business, this is, this is, uhhhh

this is like drunk house party logan rambles

works best if you imagine ur just like “hey man how’s it going” super casual and I grasp you firmly by the shoulders and look you dead in the eye and just ramble all of this without taking a single breath

could I have explained in a nice neat concise "elevator pitch" sort of way? probably. mind ur business. that’s not how we do things here at albatris.org

anyway the purpose of this post is “hey people seem to know a lot about the characters and the worldbuilding and the premise but have no clue what happens in the actual story” so I’m not going to be talking about said characters and worldbuilding and premise in depth

in terms of rambles, that stuff’s been covered! this post assumes you know what Ports are, n what the nature of the ATDAO apocalypse is, vaguely what the MCs are like as people......... though I can fetch this info for you if you like

but yeah if you are coming into this post with zero prior ATDAO knowledge........... deeply deeply from the bottom of my heart: sorry

also if this is your first time experiencing One Of These Rambles

also @safe-in-the-steep-cliffs​ and @siarven​ I am tagging you because you said you would like to be tagged and also hi and also I hope y’all knew what you were in for

anyway without further ado

(visual representation of my approach to this rant, not of how complicated my plot actually is)

(my plot is not that complicated)

ALRIGHT

there are two viewpoint characters! and two plotlines which converge near the end of the story, but honestly there’s a very real possibility I will decide these are two separate books meant as companion stories to each other because I love making things difficult for myself yeehaw

ATDAO’s co-protags are Tris and Noa, best buds four years and counting. their friendship is one of the single most important aspects of the story, n the ongoing love and trust they have for each other despite the way unfolding events force their relationship to change is integral to the themes and making the heart of the story what it is. I will now proceed to not mention this friendship for the entire remainder of this post. they’re bros. that’s all u need to know. listen. listen. I have a lot to cover

so yeah, ur first key player is Tris Greer, whose parents are dicks but whose siblings are chill. most notably of said siblings there is Jacob, older brother by thirteen years, whom Tris believes is just about the coolest person on the entire planet. this plotline kicks off when Jacob gets caught in the midst of a freak car accident that kills a dude and wrecks a street corner and also somehow causes Jacob to just kind of................. blip out of existence entirely and without a trace?

n Tris is understandably horrified and distressed by Very Much All Of This, but hey, at least there are responsible adults who can look into this obviously Port-related weird disappearance and figure this mess out, right?

INCORRECT

the relevant interdimensional authorities are brought in to suss out the situation and these authorities are kind of like “hmmmm idk about this” but are all set to take Tris at least somewhat seriously until they learn the following:

that Jacob had already been reported missing to police in his home state three days earlier

that Jacob was in the midst of several ongoing personal crises and at least one nervous breakdown

that Jacob was allegedly tangled up in some real weird shit that would more than account for a disappearance under suspicious circumstances

that Tris is schizophrenic, prone to hallucinations, confusion, memory issues and quote unquote “letting his imagination and anxiety get the better of him”, and precisely zero people can actually corroborate his story that Jacob was even there are the time of the accident to begin with

and after some back-and-forth and Looking Into The Evidence pretty much everyone in any position of authority comes to the conclusion that this is just Ordinary Regular People Crimes and whatever happened to Jacob had nothing to do with weird apocalyptic energies, and that Tris is (at best) stressed out and delusional or (at worst) lying through his teeth because he knows more than he’s letting on

so Tris is forced to hop pretty quick from “I’m sure someone will handle this” to “no one believes me but I’m sure if I can find some concrete proof they’ll listen and someone will handle it” to Well Fuck I Guess That Someone Is Me

cue bizarre reality-hopping fantasy quest, which is ten times easier said than done when most of the time Tris is terrified enough just, like, going to the supermarket

he enlists the help of his new classmate Shara, amateur paranormal investigator and professional weird-bullshit enthusiast, who agrees to help him puzzle out what the fuck happened to Jacob in exchange for his assistance in mapping out Adelaide’s interdimensional “fault lines” as part of her ongoing quest to track down the source of the apocalypse

she’s got big fuckin dreams, ok, go hard or go home

slso worth noting at this point that there HAS been an uptick in Ports and their related reality-bending strangeness in Adelaide recently which is why this is of particular interest to her currently. gotta find out What Makes The Weirdness Tick, gotta find out Why The Sudden Extra Weirdness

..........and also Kai is there

Kai has no nice neat reason to get involved with the plot, Kai just likes drama and being all up in people’s personal business. Tris brings them on board for one single afternoon like “hey I will pay you some money to come to my house and fix my fucked up phone so I can listen to an interdimensional voicemail” but forgot the apparently key addendum “and then leave”

their first three chapters of knowing each other is basically Tris being like “stop inviting yourself into my house we are not friends” and Kai being like “that’s a rude thing to say to your friend. also your sister gave me the netflix password and I used your kitchen to bake pastries feel free to help yourself”

but yeah so Tris’s story mostly focuses on his quest to figure out where Jacob got yeeted to and how to get him safely home (y’all probably know a bit about The Unreality already maybe?), whilst also dealing with rising family tensions, whatever shifty stuff Jacob was involved with prior to his disappearance, and his own creeping doubts about his perceptions of reality

n I’m also saying flat out it’s not a plot that’s going the “oh the whole thing was just a delusion all along” route because ew

his psychosis is a fairly involved part of his character but the explorations around it are more to do with, like......... the difficulties he has in trusting himself and whether he has the luxury of letting himself get swept into some Big Weird Implausible Adventure when this has extremely different implications for him than it would someone else. n eventually to how his success and survival is not ~in spite of~ but specifically because of the different way he understands and interprets the world and the skills he’s developed

THAT TANGENT WAS A PERSONAL RANT IT WAS NOT RELEVANT I just have words to say on the subject of how psychosis is treated in fiction and didn’t want people jumping to the “none of it is real” conclusion anyway ok moving on

ur SECOND key player is Noa Yun, who has rather a lot on her plate right now. she’s broke as fuck and her mum is sick and her car is making Noises and she’s not getting enough hours at her job at Not-IKEA and everyone is on her back about her failing studies as if that’s a thing she has the energy to care about. feeling rather backed into a corner by life’s bullshit and her financial situation, she blatantly lies her way into a field job at the Department of Interdimensional Instabilities, because A) surely it can’t be THAT bad, and B) what does she have to lose?

so more or less what she’s doing is the equivalent of emergency services for Port-related weirdness, it’s going out and dealing with highly unstable otherworldly energies head on, navigating Weird Phenomena and bendy patches in reality......... it is, among other things, a job that’s relatively easy to get into because no one wants to touch it with a ten foot pole unless they absolutely have to

n the DII is a whole other post, this shit has lots of different functions and levels and branches and corruption and secrets and a tendency to view workers who have to go out and deal with the brunt of the apocalypse head-on as vaguely expendable and I’ve talked about it a bit before and in more Serious Words

things kinda kick off for her when in true Noa fashion she hurls herself into a dangerous situation to help out a coworker, n enters a pretty standard issue “overlap” where the barriers between universes are a little fucky, but hey, she seems to come out of it with nary a scratch, so it’s reasonable to assume everything is fine, right?

INCORRECT AGAIN

she basically gets some whacked-out otherworldly energies latched onto her that are now following her through her everyday life, and it turns out she’s starting to bend the reality around her the way certain types of Ports do, which is! obviously not ideal! she’s not exactly a Port herself, because she’s pretty sure that’s impossible, but it’s clear capital s Something happened to her in that overlap, and she doubts it’s good news. and to make matters even more disconcerting, she’s now being dogged at every step by strange visions of a child who speaks in an unfamiliar language and who seems Real Fuckin Pissed at her

so her thing is basically “I acquired fucked up reality-bending powers against my will and they might be lowkey killing me ‘cause Ports are notoriously unstable like that and also I’m haunted for some godforsaken reason” which all somehow ended up being, like, the least interesting part of her plotline for me lmao

oh and Noa also enlists the help of Shara, Because Ghosts

anyway yeah so her search to find out what’s happening to her re: Weird Children, being a Port-adjacent something-or-other, and whether there’s a way to stop her own unravelling leads her to (rogue computer programmer? mad scientist? general shifty bastard?) Laurence Marrick Thiele, who claims to have suffered a similar affliction in the past and now does some real interesting research on the subject. n this guy. well. he’s got some fuckin stuff going on

he definitely knows more about the nature of Ports than he should. also is he actually researching what he says he’s researching? also what’s with all the weird tech? also did he just straight up murder that guy Avery? all will be revealed later, maybe, if I feel like it

but yeah at about the same time as Noa goes “actually fuck this you’re shady as hell I’m out” she stumbles into, like, The Actual Reality of what Marrick is up to re: manipulating Ports and interdimensional doorways for his own gain, and the various ways this spells bad news not only for her but potentially for the entire city and anyone unfortunate enough to get caught in the crossfire, and she shifts gear to “actually you know what I’m gonna kick your ass”

there are various reasons for this, but first and foremosterly you have to understand that Noa’s got a fuckload of pent-up rage and she will bring it in full force the moment you say some stupid shit like “some people are expendable” or “it’s inevitable for the greater good”

(there’s also a fun ongoing subplot with her work at the DII where she and her team are investigating a string of strange illnesses with bizarre symptoms that appear to be spreading via obscure radio stations so that’s. happening. I guess?)

but yeah the main story here mostly follows Noa’s attempts to undermine Marrick, bastard supreme, and find a way to fuck him up before he goes, like, Full Cartoon Supervillain, n also like........... her attempts to keep up her work at the DII despite her rising paranoia that the teammates she’s growing to care about will notice her increasingly unstable state and the fact that she’s all tangled up with the very forces they’re meant to be thwarting. n along the way discovering the reality of what happened to her in The Aforementioned Overlap Incident and about her visions and such

so that’s all that. did that make sense

n she’s got a whole arc going on about trust and learning to lean on others, like, she comes into this story as a very standoffish person with lots of paranoia, she’s spent much of her life feeling like she can only rely on herself, n she’s. well. yeah, like I said, she’s got a lot of anger at the world and at the various systems that have failed her and her loved ones, n the story puts her in a position to become even more isolated

and her plotline isn’t so much “you have no reason to be angry or afraid” or her learning to Not Be, It’s more, like........... yeah you have every fucking right to be furious and of course you’re afraid! but there are people around you who love you and who will jump at the chance to defend you and who will help you carry the weight of your anger and grief and none of this needs to be yours to bear alone which is extremely cheesy

which applies to both her Weird Supernatural Goings-On as well as her regular ordinary life goings-on

I feel like Alice and Jet deserve a mention for Noa’s plotline but also this went on and on too long already so. well. Alice and Jet exist! yep. they work with Noa at the DII. I have things to say about them. I will not be saying them today

and uhhhhhh

in general, for Tris, his plotline, you wanna think, like, fantasy/adventure vibes which veer pretty sharply into horror, and for Noa you wanna think...... kinda, sci-fi mystery conspiracy vibes with a dash of some superhero bullshit maybe except not really

and that

pretty much is it I think

also the fact that Kai just invites themself into the plot for funsies and then is dragged kicking and screaming into caring about themself and making positive changes in their life means there was no convenient place in this post to be like

"oh there's also a whole major subplot about a time loop"

but there's also a whole major subplot about a time loop

goodnight! thanks for coming to....................... whatever this was! have a nice saturday everyone

[theravenclawrevolutionary]

For those of you interested in my novel

So I’ve gained quite a few new followers recently and seeing as I post about my novel more often and more consistently than anything else I thought I’d provide some more information on it. @jefflion also said they’d be interested in hearing more about it, so this is also for them.

All posts about my novel are tagged ‘robespierre novel’ and starting today will be tagged ‘The Incorruptible Corrupted’.

There’s a lot I can ramble about here, so if you’re interested everything I feel ready to reveal right now is under the cut. If you don’t care pls go ahead and scroll.

As I’m sure you’ve noticed by my tags my novel is about Maximilien Robespierre. Just like everything else on this blog. To be more specific, I’m writing a biographical historical fiction that follows the course of his life from the time he’s born to his execution. I’m sure you’ve all seen those sort of books before.

I’m hoping to make it as historically accurate as I possibly can while still making it an enjoyable fiction novel. My book’s going to contain historical figures and events as well as original characters and events to fill in what we don’t know about Robespierre’s life.  As of right now it’s roughly 41,000 words long and I’m going to keep writing until I reach the end of Maxime’s life so the length is completely undecided.

Currently the working title is ‘Maxime’ because I have no better ideas and I already used the freaking awesome title of ‘The Incorruptible, Corrupted’ as the title of my most successful Wattpad work which is a 10,000 word novella also about Robespierre. So if anyone has any good ideas, please suggest them. I really need some.

The fancy little book description blurb reads as follows:

Revolutions change everything, especially the individuals involved in them and fate has a strange way of calling people.

At the beginning of his life, it would have been impossible to know that Maximilien Robespierre would go from a small-town scandal to the most powerful man in France. The quiet boy born in Arras with his mother's green eyes and none of his father's flightiness showed no early signs of a relentless revolutionary leader, determined to overthrow the oppressive monarchy. Yet by the actions of others, his own skill, and his intelligence Maximilien finds himself navigating the dangerous and everchanging world of revolutionary France, thrust onto a fragile pedestal of leadership, handcrafted by his ideals.

It’s very character driven (I mean it really has to be because all of Max’s choices are legit the plot.) and it’s insanely fun to transform Max from a carefree little boy in Arras to someone stressed, broken, and thrust into awful situation after awful situation! That low key sounds kinda sadistic, but it’s fine... right? Lol. But I feel like I’m able to really develop my characters and give everyone fully fleshed out personalities and everything. I dunno. I just feel like it’s helping me understand the time period and historical figures better. Also I get to learn all kinds of cool stuff I never would have needed to research without trying to write this book.

It’ll probably end up being a book for high school kids and older seeing as some of the topics in it are suited to slightly older audiences, including but not limited  to:

Swear words, mild gore, mentioned suicide attempts, (possible) implied sexual content, scenes containing violence, time-period typical prejudices, mental illness, and death.

I plan on handling those topics as carefully and respectfully as possible to remain as accurate to history as I can while respecting those who have issues with these subjects.

There’s also average stuff though. It talks a lot about family, friendships/loss of friendships, romance, crushes, and growing up, all stuff you would find in non-historical books.

As a member of the LGBT+ community I want to make sure that my books have adequate LGBT+ representation. History wasn’t straight 100% of the time so representation will definitely be included in my interpretation of some historical figures and the original characters. Currently I have a few characters who are asexual, bi-romantic, bisexual, and gay.

 Highlights include:

Max with motion sickness (especially him throwing up on Charlotte during a carriage ride as a kid)

Augustin getting bit by one of his brother’s birds and having a scar for the rest of his life

Camille being nicknamed Cami

At least three people being in love with Max throughout the book and him being oblivious every time

A friend-group consisting of an inelegant girl and her just as chaotic twin brother, a red head and his British cousin who lives in France now, two quiet geniuses, and occasionally the twins’ older brothers who have nothing better to do

One of Max’s aunts straight up telling him his mom is dying and regretting it as soon as she says it

Max making a friend on accident while hiding at school and being an absolute icon for not being a racist (said character is mixed, but has a light enough complexion to attend school during the time period)

The number of times Maxime has a panic attack or almost faints

Six year old Max chasing four year old Charlotte with a worm, falling in the mud, and losing a tooth

The time eleven year old Max gets KISSED and doesn’t realize the girl kissing him likes him

Max being upset that an eleven year old isn’t allowed to take classes with fourteen year olds for developmental reasons

Camille and Max accidently hating each other, becoming roommates at school, and becoming pretty much best friends all in one day

The most boring school in the world

I legit could talk about my book for ages, but this post is long enough already so  I’ll chill out a little. if you guys have anything to ask about it that I haven’t covered here please lemme know. And of course as usual, the same goes for any other questions pertaining to the French revolution in general.

~Dara

[bakubabes-tatakae]

The Demon’s Keeper (Part Six)

Author’s Note: If anyone wants to be added to the taglist for this feel free to let me know ! Happy to add anyone !

(Rin Okumura x Reader)

Summary: Rin Okumura is a hot headed demon who is hard to keep under control, only one person seems to be able to do it better than anyone, Y/N. For that, she’ll be known at the Demon’s Keeper, but what exactly does that entail for them?

AO3 Link

Part One, Part Two: *NSFW Ahead!*, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five

Part Six:

Word Count: 2219

As morning broke light it made its way through the cracks in the curtains and the sound of our alarm filled the room. Each beep from the alarm was like a jackhammer pounding in my head. This constant stress headache was going to be the death of me. Rin slowly started to stir, today was the day we left for True Cross University. He was nervous to say the least, but that was to be expected. I would have been worried if he wasn’t nervous. I felt Rin’s soft hand touch my arm. “Y/n, we have to get up. We’ve only got an hour before we have to leave. Mephesto will be here soon to get us.”

I grumbled and rolled over, grabbing the bottle of pain medicine off the nightstand along with the nearest water bottle. They went down with ease and Rin threw the blanket off of us. I cringed as the cold air hit my skin, almost hissing at him. 

He ignored me and got up, throwing on the clothes that he had left out for himself before taking mine off the dresser and throwing them at me. As my clothes hit me he laughed, the look on my face anything but amused, making him laugh even more. 

I grabbed the clothes from my lap and started dressing. I didn’t know what our new life would entail for us, but if I didn’t say I was as nervous as Rin was I would have been lying. “Rin,” He looked back at me with a goofy grin. “You should go check on Yukio and make sure he’s ready to go as well.”

“Yea.” He started for the door. “I’ll go see.”

He shut the door quietly behind him and I was left to my own devices. The sheer amount of emotions that I had been holding in lately wasn’t good for me, but my body didn’t want to seem weak. We had been through so much in such a short amount of time…

* * * * * * 

I made my way downstairs and into the living room, the only light in the room came from the half open curtains in all the windows. Shiro had always been the one to make sure everything was bright and sunny when we had all woken up. Now that he was gone the darkness loomed over us. No one wanted to take on the roles that Shiro once held. Rin was standing in the kitchen, sipping on a cup of orange juice, leaning against the counter. 

“Did you find Yukio?” I walked sluggishly over to the same counter, hopping up onto it. “We only have fifteen minutes before Mephesto is going to be here.”

Rin placed his empty glass into the sink and walked in front of me, placing his hands on my thighs. “From what the monks told me, they haven’t seen him all morning.”

“I bet he’s visiting Shiro. We’re talking about Yukio here, where else would he be?”

Rin placed his head on my collarbone and I placed my hands on his head, intertwining my fingers into his raven colored hair. “You’re right.” He looked up at me. “Want to just go wait outside? It’s pretty nice out”

I smiled. “Sure.” He helped me off the counter and grabbed our bags, following me out the front door. 

The sunlight hit my face and the feeling was almost refreshing. It had been so long since Rin and I had just sat outside and taken in our surroundings. As we took in all the familiar sounds and sights we were interrupted by the sound of a car speeding our way. When we looked up we both thought our eyes had been deceiving us. A pink limo stood in front of the walkway and when the door opened and a person stepped out we realized we should have known who it was. 

With the tip of his hate Mephesto Pheles stood before us, his white shoot shining brightly in the sun. “Well, well, well.” He smiled a tooth grin at the two of us sitting on the porch. “I see the sun's out. It’s a glorious say for new beginnings, wouldn’t you say?”

Rin stood up from the porch and took my hand, helping me up as well. He walked leisurely over to Mephesto. “You got a freaky car.”

I hooked my arm behind Rin’s back and glared at Mephesto. “How did you get us into True Cross University. I feel like we have a right to know what your connections are since we’re using them.”

He pointed his finger at us and spoke matter-of-factly. “I’m the director at True Cross University. That’s the official title anyway.”

Rin’s jaw dropped. “Huh?” 

I took my hand under his chin and helped him shut it. Yukio’s voice jumped the both of us. “Sorry to keep you waiting.” He had a giant grin across his fast as he approached us. “I’m so glad this all worked out. Now the three of us can stay together.”

Mephesto turned away from the three of us and raised his voice, scaring some people walking by. “Come now my friends, True Cross University awaits!”

We all piled into the limo, the three of us keeping our distance from Mephesto. Yukio looked over to Rin. “What’s wrong?” If Rin thought he was hiding his annoyance it wasn’t working. Neither of us knew what could possibly have been wrong with him.  

“Nothing.” Rin ignored the question and changed the subject. His favorite defense tactis. ‘Where were you this morning?”

“Visiting dad’s grave. Did you go?” 

An upsetting noise came from Rin’s mouth as the realization hit him, it would probably be a while before he was able to visit him again. “No… I didn’t” He hung his head.

Mephesto broke the awkward silence now looming over the car. “Just a few minutes more and we’ll be in the center of True Cross University town.” We all stared out the window at the blossoming town before us. “Every learning facility under the sun can be found right here in University Town. Enjoy, dig in, and study until your heart’s content.”

We approached a giant building a couple minutes later and Mephesto looked at Rin and I. “Now then, we’ll step out, you two need to change into your uniforms.”

I could feel my face change to annoyance before I was able to stop it. “You couldn’t have told us to make sure we were in our uniforms before we got here?” 

Mephesto ignored the question and Yukio and him stepped out, leaving us to change. As we stepped out of the limo the two of them waiting patiently on the sidewalk. Mephesto motioned toward him and spoke. “Come now, you have orientation to get to.” He led us to an auditorium full of students. “Find a seat, they’ll give you further instructions from there.”

As the speech from one of the teachers started the two of us zoned out. There was nothing worse than listening to someone talk at you about something you didn’t have any care for. The only thing that pulled our attention back was the words “And now, let’s hear from your freshman representation, Yukio Okumura.”

Rin’s jaw dropped once again, a look that wasn’t befitting for him. “Yukio?!” 

I pushed his jaw up. “That shouldn’t surprise you Rin, Yukio’s always been a smart guy.”

Yukio stood from a couple rows in front of us. “Yes sir,” Girls around us were swooning over Yukio as he made his way to the podium on the stage below. “To be able to join you all here at True Cross, a school I’ve long admired, is something that is both thrilling and sobering.”

Rin placed his hand on my thigh. “The little crybaby that always got bullied,”

“I hope that I can live up to the standards of this place. I’m your freshman class rep, Yukio Okumura.”

Tours of the campus were starting so everyone from the auditorium made their way to the courtyard outside the building. The three of us stood together and more girls made their way to Yukio, still overcome with him, I had never seen so many girls throw themselves at him. Yukio’s face turned bright red as they all spoke to him. Rin watched him with concerned eyes. We both knew how little it took to embarrass Yukio.

As our tour began Rin couldn’t hold back his excitement. Every different area we saw he was dumbfounded. The entrance hall was the first stop, escalators that took you up to the next floor pushed Rin over the edge. “This is a school?!” That goofy grin spread from ear to ear and I couldn’t help but giggle as I watched him. The dining hall was stop two and it made his shock even more clear than the first stop. “Woah,” He grabbed my waist and squeezed me, pointing up. “Would you get a load of those chandeliers, it’s like a fancy shmancy restaurant.”

Students around us were watching, but the little raven haired boy didn’t seem to care. The tour took us to classrooms, Rin walked around, admiring every knock and cranny. “Damn, do you think they could have made this room any bigger?” He sat at a desk and his wide eyes expression made more people watch him. “Even these desks are bigger than the ones at the monastery.”

A group of girls off in the distance were speaking about him. “What’s with that guy over there, he’s freaking out.” Another girl spoke back. “I know, what’s a weirdo like that doing here?”

I started to step toward them, ready to give them a piece of mind when my jacket of my uniform was grabbed by Rin’s strong hands. “Leave it alone Y/n, they don’t know what they’re talking about.”

As we left the classroom and the tour concluded a man’s voice came over the loudspeaker. “That’s all for today, classes start next week so you should go back to your dorms and get settled in.” We made our way down the stairs and as we got to the bottom we realized that we didn’t even know where we were going. Rin threw his hands in the air. “Where the hell is the dorm, no one told us jack about that.”

I grabbed his arms and pulled them back down. “Relax Rin, we’ll figure it out. Let’s find Yukio, maybe he knows.” A strange sound, almost like a whimpering came from our feet and we looked down to see a small white dog with a pink bandanna around it’s neck. “Who let you in?”

The dog grabbed the ankle of Rin’s pants and started tugging at him, causing Rin to holler out and spin to try to get it off him. The dog let go and stared at us, slowly moving forward, clearly wanting us to follow. We followed as it ran further and further, when it was completely away from everyone at the school it climbed up onto a light pole and in a poof it was no longer a dog. Rin and I both threw ourselves backwards, basically tripping over each other. Mephesto sat before us. “Pardon me, but it would unseamly for the director of the university to be caught prowling around the halls during the day.”

Rin’s confusion was about to overtake him. “You shape shifted! Does that mean that exorcists can shape shift?!”

“God no.” Mephesto almost looked offended. “Although I am an exception.” He held up two keys, tossing them at Rin and I. We each caught one and stared between Mephesto and it. “That key grants you access to the cram school through any door at any time.”

“Cram school?”

“It’s where the two of you will train to become exorcists. Each day you’ll attend normal high school classes, but afterwards you’ll train at the cram school to become a page. While you study exorcism you’ll be considered an exorcist in training. Your high school classes don’t begin until next week, but cram school…” he stepped toward us. “That starts today.” He put his face inches from Rin’s. “I trust you’re ready to begin?” 

“Never been more ready.” The corner of Rin’s mouth curled upwards as a smirk pulled at it. 

“I have to warn you tho. It would be best if you kept the whole son of Satan thing confidential. Say what you want about your ear, fangs, and tail, but the flames are a no no.” Rin tensed. “Control yourself.”

“I’ll do my best.”

“Fabulous.” Mephesto jumped on the concrete wall beside us. “Let’s get to it.” He jumped off the edge of the wall on the opposite side and we both ran for the edge, afraid that there was nothing there. Mephesto stood on the ground in front of a door on the opposite side. “Try using one of your keys I just gave you on this door.” We both hopped over the ledge and stood in front of the door. As Rin placed his key in the lock and the doors open we both stood with our mouth gaping open.

Even just the hallway was immaculate. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Mephesto started to corral the two of us. “Come on, your class is this way.” 

Taglist 💕 @thebookwormfairy @psycho-emi @pnkcts @chenosaurr​

Updated: 5/13/2020

[infinites-chaser]

watch the universe expand | mlqc | lucien/mc | a character study disguised as fic

spoilers for ch.13 and random stuff from following chapters

warning for non-graphic discussion of violence and some themes that may be disturbing/triggering re:human experimentation

The call comes as it always does, not quite like  clockwork, in the small hours of the night, when he imagines the stars  have reached their zenith in the sky, done with their rise, ready for  their coming fall.

"Lucien?"

"What is it? Can't sleep?"

"Can you tell me a story?"

The call comes as it always does, not quite like clockwork, in the small hours of the night, when he imagines the stars have reached their zenith in the sky, done with their rise, ready for their coming fall.

"Lucien?"

He chuckles, colors only she can bring out of him warming his tone.

(He thinks her voice at this time of night is what violet would look like, at least as the poets describe it, a light in the dark, the first soft edge of dawn as night gives way to day.)

"What is it? Can't sleep?"

(He wonders sometimes what color his voice is to her. Black, perhaps. Possibly grey.

He can't imagine his voice having any real color, not even to her.

He'd be surprised at the truth. To her, he's more than color, he's light.)

"Lucien?" she repeats instead of a straight answer. "Can you tell me a story?"

It's a routine they've fallen into ever since the first unfinished  one, what he'd told her about the artist and the butterfly that felt too  true to be called a bedtime story but he'd been loath to admit to  himself that it was more.

Every sleepless night, she asks for another story and manages to fall asleep before the finish.

Every night they spend on opposite sides of a shared wall, he  questions a little more of his soul, the feelings that lie within, and  finds he doesn't have any answers.

Perhaps he doesn't want to find them.

Eventually her reactions— quiet oohs and ahhs and gasps and the occasional question— always fade into nothing but quiet,  even breathing, and it's like he's been let off the hook but he never  hangs up, or at least, not for a long moment more.

"Lucien," she'd mumbled once, when the first rays of light had just cleared the horizon. "Is the story over?"

Somewhere between exams and sips of white tea, lulled into a  temporary peace by the gentle rhythm to her breaths, he'd nearly  forgotten she'd been on the line.

Still, he'd managed to keep the surprise from his reply.

"You just missed the ending."

There'd been a long silence, nearly long enough that he'd thought she'd fallen asleep again, and he could hang up, off the hook, but—

"Was it a happy ending? It's okay if I missed it, just as long as it was happy."

"...It was."

She'd made a noise of satisfied incoherence in response, and he'd  taken the opportunity to wish her a good morning, prescribe her a few  hours more of sleep, apologize, then hang up.

(He still wonders about that fuzzy morning, that long night.

If she would've questioned him more if she weren't so tired. About the story’s ending. About the length of the call.

If he would've answered. If he would've lied.)

"A story?" He repeats now, settling in the corner of his living room he knows will be closest to her.

Scientifically, he knows it isn't possible, humans simply don't have the body temperature— but he fancies he can feel her warmth, even through the wall.

Perhaps it's a trait of the Queen's gene, previously unexplored. And, well, he wouldn't be opposed to testing that hypothesis, but we digress.

It's clear as day, or, at least, as clear as a monochrome day can ever be: there's something more.

Something that catches on a corner of his heart when she makes a quiet 'un' of assent and clears her throat, the sound, tinny as it is through the  phone speaker, vivid enough for him to picture. Her hand pressed to her  mouth. Her smile, after. The crescent moons of her eyes.

"Not any story, though. Tell me about Evol again?"

Then, at his silence: "Please?"

(Irrational thoughts rise, unbidden. He'd do anything for that word from her lips. Fight an army. Raze a city.

He'd live by it,

die by it,

and at the end of the day, he still wouldn't deserve it.)

"What do you want to know?" He asks, but to his ears, it sounds like I'd tell you anything.

She hums in thought, a butterfly floating light in the breeze.

"Why do people have the Evol they have? I don't want the science, not really."

Her voice trails off, comes back stronger,

"I want your honest opinion, Lucien. Tell me why?"

and it sounds less like a question, but not quite yet a command.

He chuckles, then obliges.

Time crawls by, soft and slow, a steady seamstress stitching together  unexpected, lingering thoughts. At his words, quiet intense musings  picking at open seams and pulling at loose threads, the universe between them unspools.

Why do people have particular Evols? To answer that question, we have to first understand why people have any form of differing traits.

Biology says, at first glance, chance. A freak gene mutation on a  chromosome of interest: deep within relevant coils of DNA, an A-T  pairing shifts to an A-G. Maybe it’s deleted altogether.

('That's not very romantic,' she comments with a barely stifled yawn.

He chuckles, soft, indulgent.

'You're right. I'm sorry. You did ask for a story, after all.'

He continues.)

But. That’s not all, not when evolution’s taken into account. The  idea of natural selection has been radically transformed by its  representation in popular media to be some strange justification for the  hierarchy of society (in a quite underhanded fashion, he thinks,  keeping the poor down and beaten as if it were their natural place,  allowing the rich to get only richer as if nature and not trust funds  had secured their positions on the top of the pyramid of life. Only life  isn’t a pyramid. Not a tree, either. Not quite. More like a story,  perhaps. But he digresses.) In reality, in biology and in nature, it's  much less simple.

The theory of natural selection, at its most bare bones, is, yes, survival of the fittest. Just that ‘fittest’ doesn’t mean strongest, most cruel or most cunning, doesn’t even mean  kindest or most caring. It means nothing, really, outside of context.

Very biologically speaking, ‘fittest’ implies the organism  reproduces with the most success when compared to others in its given  environment. Traits caused by random mutations that help an organism  survive in a particular environment long enough for it to have offspring  are passed on. And if the environment stays the same, the same traits  will be favored and passed on, over and over again across and through  generations, coming to define a species and the role that species plays in the world.

Clearly, it doesn’t mean much in that sense for humans anymore. What is our ‘fit’? Perhaps we've broken free of the chain of evolution, and now lounge atop the dogpile, above the fray. Triumphant. Stagnant.

Because even though maybe we've been running as fast as we can,  evolution's never more than one step behind. What's a generation of  progress in a millennium? No more than the barest breath caught in the  endless march of time.

No, evolution still very much has us in its clutches and these days,  he wonders what it would take for humanity to realize it, as complacent  as we are— there are certain traits favored, personality and looks, but  beyond that, beyond the biology, even, isn't there more? Something we  want most in the world we live in, our given environment. What a person needs  most, forever strives for, what'll allow them to flourish in their  environment enough to have a legacy and know some part of them continues  to live on.

To meet that need would be to finally surpass evolution, unlock a new  humanity, create a new world. The Red Queen, running rampant, running  free.

(But first, Evol. The key.)

There are three theories on the nature of Evol. This is the first.

The Theory of Superhumans had been put forward by a scientist over a  century ago, through a series of research studies, his articles full of academic terms like intensive accelerated artificial selection, induced heritable genetic variation, changes in gene expression in an adverse environment, followed by the thesis, spelt out in plain words: under the right conditions, a human can develop superhuman abilities.

It had been heralded as a theory for the ages, for the books, sure to  stay with and shape the course of humanity's advancement for centuries to come— only, we know the rest.

Each term, carefully clinical, couched the horror of the truth: the  scientist, name now scrubbed from history, willfully lost in time, had  thought to try to create superhumans— the Evolved, he'd dubbed them— by  gathering unsuspecting participants, then putting them through several  trials meant to push the limits of humankind, to unlock some secret  extra ability, to finish our ode to survival of the fittest, its beginnings scrawled in the letters of our genes.

'The right conditions' had meant mortal peril. The trials had been worse than torture. Almost all the participants had died.

The surviving four (out of over nine hundred, making the success rate  of the experiment less than half of a tenth of a percent) had been sworn to secrecy while the scientist (the madman) had been  sentenced to an execution, his underlings thrown in jail, his research condemned, labelled a crime against humanity and a failure, his papers all burned.

Only, if the research had been a failure, one might wonder, why the burning of the papers? A message? Don't try this again. It was a failure. Why, then the secrecy?

The rumors, the whispers, the festering that spreads under the bandage of a wound left otherwise untreated—the experiment hadn't been a failure, it was a success.

(And maybe a young woman who survived put her hand up to the sky and  let it fade. Maybe a young man who survived let his emotions spill out  and take physical form.  Maybe one of the survivors had placed a hand on  a lost love's chest and willed their heart alive again. But they all  kept their silence, true to their vows.)

His voice trails off. Some part of him wonders if he's bored her, the rest concerned with if he's said too much.

Words he's said to her come to mind now, flashing bright and blinding in the darkest hours of the night.

'Trust your instincts.’  

‘Don’t you ever think maybe I’m the danger?’  

‘Run away while you still can.’  

He can't think of a time where they all apply as fittingly as now.

Perhaps, from afar, they'd seemed like fireworks, dark, mysterious,  alluring in a world with no other light. But this close, they're a  warning, perhaps even a lure— he's tempting her to come closer despite  the danger, he the ravenous firefly cloaked in a bright, warm glow.

Surely she can see the truth of him, as close to him as she is.  Surely, and yet, she stays, takes another step closer.

"You said there were three theories," she says, still awake, still listening. Still seeking out more. "What's the next?"

"I've told you this one before," he replies, and he means to meet  her, to challenge her to press up against the other side of their wall.  "Do you remember?'

There are three theories on the nature of Evol. This is the next. (familiar ground)

(Once, humanity built a tower and would've reached the heavens—

Once, Icarus flew too close to the sun—  

It fell. He fell.

The world goes on.)

Twenty-five years ago, a British PhD student found a book. (Let's call it The Black Swan.)

He read it cover-to-cover, then read it twice. Three times. A fourth.  Again and again, until the book's story, half legend, half truth, took seed in his mind, where it grew anew.

Twenty-four years ago, he tracked down the experiment's remaining  survivor, the woman who could bend light and shadow and fade into the  palest streaks of day.

('Have you come to kill me?' She asked, wry smile  twisting over her age-lined face. She saw his lab coat, his notes, his  eager, hungry smile. She knew them all.

He opened his mouth. She stopped him.

'Apologies. I misspoke. You came here to learn.'

He nodded, too-quickly, still eager. Still young.

'For science,' he said, the same tired argument, old words, old justifications and cover-ups reflected in new eyes. She shook her head.

'Don't say that,' she said, weary amusement lighting her distant gaze. 'It's for humanity. For a new world.'

She held out her hand. He took it.

No one ever saw her again.)

Twenty-two years ago, a hypothesis, not quite yet a theory, was formed. In it, the newly minted scientist put forth a potential genetic  basis for superpowers in humans: one gene with the power to transcend human ability, once activated and expressed. The gene was Evol, the individuals possessing it Evolvers.

In his notes he attributed the name Evolver to the term Evolved used in a decades-old unpublished paper— a single pile of ashes left of rumors and whispers and burned research papers, given new life, reformed.

(The reality is this: the woman and her body on the verge of vanishing on her deathbed, her wrinkled hands thin, wan, shades of grey, beckoning the watching scientist over.

'Let me tell you a story,' she'd said, her voice carrying and strong. 'Once Icarus flew too close to the sun. He fell. But what don't we remember? Daedalus— he flew.'

'Is this another one of your lessons?' The scientist had asked and he was still every inch as greedy, but he'd lost his eager tone. 'I assume I'm Icarus, aren't I, experimenting on and dissecting Evolvers, flying too close to God, growing too arrogant for the unforgiving sun?'

'No.' she'd said. 'Listen.'

But he didn't.

He heard only half a story. But now, the rest of the tale. The truth.

'Let me tell you about Daedalus. Let me tell you about a man like  you who thought he was special. Who thought he had what it took to  change the world.'

Icarus fell, but Daedalus flew. Human progress, but at the cost of what? At the cost of who?

Hundreds of thousands of participants of failed experiments and twisted studies greet her when she goes beyond death's door.

'It's never been for science,' she'd have said if he'd cared to listen, words burning one last time, vibrant and alive, on her tongue. 'This is for our humanity. Our dignity. Not in spite of humanity's love but because of it.'

And love is evol backwards, isn't it? Two sides of the same coin.)

Twenty years ago, the scientist published his research. The study  had been innovative, the findings thorough: each Evolver had in them a  sequence of DNA, a bare few codons that transcended evolution, pairs of A-Ts and C-Gs he dubbed the Evol gene. Its expression varied from person to person, just as one might have brown eyes, and another blue, though  he'd noted there were cases of similarity in awakened Evol in family  lines, within communities, between lovers and sometimes close friends.

These findings suggest a correlation between Evol expression and environment, he wrote. Shared experiences shape an Evol's final awakened form as much as genetics, if not more.

The only question is, what makes an Evolver, if not just genetics? Who gets the gene? Who awakens it?

Then, messier, more frenzied writing. More bold. What if we could create Evolvers?

The reading between the lines: what if we took apart Evolvers so that we could build one of our own?

Six months later, and he'd been stripped of all his accolades and funding, the remaining Evolvers he'd taken in released when they were found.

Crimes against humanity, they'd called it. He'd laughed, said it was for science. For humanity. For humanity's progress. (despite  our humanity. for anything but our love.)

"Lucien," she says, soft but insistent— she's been trying to get his attention for a while now, bringing him back out of his reverie. "You've been silent for a long time now. Are you still there?"

He blinks. Attempts a closed-eye smile, then remembers she can't see him, and covers it with another gentle laugh.

"Just thinking," he replies. "It was a good story. You told it well— better than I would've. I'm impressed."

"I just added on the ending with whatever felt right in the moment!" She protests, making the smallest noise of embarrassment. Then, even softer:

"I liked it when you first told it to me. Just, it didn't sound complete. It didn't have a lesson, really, or any sort of answer."

(Implicit in her words: Your stories never do.)

Silence. Again, she speaks, reaching across their shared void.

"I just wanted to understand it better— the story, I mean." She  pauses, and he can feel his heart pound, just a beat faster than normal.  At her next words, he can practically feel her blush.

"I want to understand you better."

He laughs again, quiet and gentle. With his heart loud in his ears, it's all he can manage to do.

"I don't know if you should."

Another warning. Another barrier, another wall thrown up. Still, she presses on.

"Tell me the last theory," she says instead of answering. "Tell me the theory that's yours."

(He does.)

There are three theories on Evol. Two official, as official as they could be, and the last is his— a pet theory, really, the kind full of conjecture and personal accounts that’d never make it off the drawing  board, much less to the first peer review.

Awakening his Evol had been easy. What came after was what had been  hard. They hadn’t told him what they’d done to him, what monstrous power they’d given, what he’d gotten— but maybe it hadn’t ever been theirs to  give, it’d only ever been his to have.

A thought experiment:

You think your ability is super speed. You take the hand of someone—  say, an old lady, crossing the street— and suddenly that ability is gone. You're shocked. Terrified, even. Maybe all your life you'd thought you were special, and didn't think specialness vanished, it was your trait, your birthright, not a thing as fleeting as an amusement park ride. Later, you pat a friend on the back, and their thoughts come to  your mind, loud and clear. You're shocked again. Almost terrified again. But then you realize: your ability was never one thing. It was  everything. (It was nothing.)

But what does specialness reliant on the existence of other special  people mean in terms of you and your existence? Logically, nothing. Your  genes are random. There's nothing like fate written into them, you have  this ability by sheer chance. Still. You are everything and nothing.  (You’re different from all the others. There’s no one else like you.)

You're a reflection of others, but in the end, what are you? What's a  genius, what’s being special or different or extraordinary, if at the  end of the day, it’s all just a single breath (a pained eternity) away from normal?

Copycat, echo, mirror. Imposter.

(You paradox, you.)

He tries to embrace the power of his Evol. Push it, examine it, test its limits, its potential.

He learns he can copy multiple Evols at the same time. He collapses  the first time he tries invisibility and telepathy together, experimenting with invisibility's time limit, telepathy's reach, ending  up in a sweaty, trembling heap on his apartment floor. For a blinding moment, a moment of stupidity (helpless humanity), he wants to share his  results— but it's just him in his apartment, him and the sound of his  racing pulse.

He strains. He trains. He learns to manage three.

When he feels the pressure in his head build to a point beyond mere discomfort, he releases the one— a forcefield he's grown fond of, the silent glow surrounding him fading to pale unadorned apartment wall. This time, his breaths are even, measured, controlled. He does not turn to share his accomplishment with anyone who might be there. He knows nobody's beside him. He knows he's all alone.

Instead, he stares down at his open palms, then closes them, the  second Evol, x-ray vision, vanishing. Then follows the last, a simple heightened perception, and the rest of his senses bleed back into grey.

(There's one power he tries to copy, one simple talent even his genius can never master. A want more desperate than any other—

He searches. He use any excuse to be around strangers, meet new people, see new faces, shake others' hands.

(Somewhere in the sea of introductions and small talk and conversation, a new personality— the beginnings of what would become ‘Professor Lucien’, polished, calm, smooth— emerges.)

He never finds it. Instead, he finds he can copy countless others, craft dreams, weave miracles, do anything and everything— all except for this one mundane ability, taken forcibly from him.

Seeing color.  

He doesn't know if he just hasn't yet found the Evol or if he has,  unknowingly, and passed it without a second thought, the Evol itself  incapable of being replicated, echoed, or worn like a glove.

He isn't sure which one's worse. He isn't sure which one's true.)

They come back to him in this purgatory— his demons, his saviors, those monsters. Black Swan.

They tell him he's special (he's learned long ago the word means  worse than nothing) that they're like him, together they'll make a  better world.

He accepts their lie. (It feels better, after all, to be somebody's weapon than nobody's anything at all.)

He plays being a killer. Dons the name Ares. Throws coldness up  between him and all the others like one of his forcefields, like a wall.

They speak of the potential of human evolution. They speak of a new  race of superhuman Evolvers taking charge of and ruling the world. All  in impassioned, hateful, dangerous words— they color his world black and  he embraces it.

Anything is better than grey, he thinks early on, perhaps foolishly, over yet another still-warm mangled body.

'Normie,' one of the other men on the mission spits, aiming a  kick at the body, low and vicious, his voice like a bloody oath. He  turns to Ares with a grin. 'We did good. Wanna grab a drink?'

Ares doesn't smile. He thinks, 'What's one more corpse?'

He returns to headquarters alone.

(They don't send him out on team missions, after.)

And now—

her.

His color. His reckoning. His proof.

(In her eyes— her strong righteous savior's gaze— he imagines the  artist's jar shattering, the butterfly soaring high, soaring free.)

"Lucien," she says, calling out to him, voice hovering, trembling on  the edge of a sob. His heart clenches, and he clutches it, wondering how  he should respond.

"Lucien."

He takes a breath, then another.

"I'm sorry— what is it? I'm still here."

Lines like "Are you okay?" or "Talk to me, please." go unspoken. Instead, she says, soft and gentle:

"Have you seen the stars tonight? They're beautiful."

"I haven't."

"Then...come to the balcony with me?"

An almost-eternity passes. But then, he agrees.

(first, a brief tangent.)

There are four men. He's one of them. But what about the other three?

The boy trapped in his past by the memory of the one he couldn't protect, his Evol and him both frozen in time.

The boy who wanted freedom from the rumors, the fighting, most of  all, from his dad, who grew wings to escape them and become one with the  breeze.

The boy who'd never been loved unconditionally and now surrounded himself with it, a part of him rearing its head to demand it.

(all other stories. for other times, other worlds.)

"You know, sometimes I think the stars must be lonely," she says, and though he doesn't dare look at her, he hears her both in real life and through the phone speaker cradled close to his ear. He feels rather than sees her move closer to his side of the balcony, closing the distance,  coming to the edge.

"They're thousands of light years away from each other," she continues. "Maybe they wonder if they're all alone, sometimes, if  they're the only light for miles in an empty, endless dark sea."

"It makes me sad, to think about it. We spend our lives looking up at the stars and casting lines, drawing constellations between them, but in reality, they're just as lonely as we are. Maybe even more."

"I'm rambling, aren't I? Sorry— it's been a long day, and it's just  this time of night, it always makes me melancholy for some reason. I can't remember why."

She laughs a little, self-deprecating. In the night's stillness, he hears the shuddering in her next breath. It takes hold deep within him, her fisherman's hook, line, and sinker, gone straight to his heart.

"Don't say that," he says, the words freed from that same place deep within him, and what he means is 'You're not alone.'

"MC."

He's at his edge of the balcony before he knows it— for the first time, it's him reaching back across the ocean between them, it's his question, his unspoken plea.  

His eyes seek hers in the darkness.

She finds him.

(His color.

Her light.)

There's a knock from the doorway, echoed over the phone. He laughs softly into the speaker, then moves in from the balcony and crosses his room to open the door. It's her.

“Lucien,” she says, and his name on her lips holds all the secrets of the universe, stars and galaxies swirling in the space between each of her breaths.

She holds her hands out to him, she, his lifeline, his compass, the one bright color of his life.

He hesitates for a moment, then takes then, gets pulled by them into her, into the warmest embrace.

(he can hear her heartbeats, echoes of songs of legend of stories, intertwined with his)

"Lucien," she murmurs into his chest. "Tell me a story? Tell me yours."

This time, he hears her as he's meant to, the words were never a  command, they were a question. A plea. Another step in his direction,  just like the knock on his door.

(he lets her in.

she stays awake for the rest of the story, stays on the line for the rest of the call.

together, they create their own ending.)