#a year and almost a couple months after my last rewatch post

[bellarkeandclintashaandsuch]

ITSAY Rewatch! Episode 1 Continued (Finally)

- Why are there so many random firecrackers? Seems dangerous

- I guess it reflects their friendship going up in smoke though

- He passed with the top score for the abroad entrance exam? What does that mean? He didn’t go abroad, did he? Oh, wait the uni program with the China program or something

- I've never talked to him since :(

- Free meals! I love Teh’s mom. Is she speaking Mandarin?

- Uh-oh. His program is house-wreckingly expensive 😬

- Is Teh upset that his mom is talking about how expensive it is/how he should’ve just done the normal entrance exams? Or that she’s praising Hoon now and saying they rely on his money?

- You won’t be so embarrassed by the motorcycle with the sidecar when you have your bf with you

- You know, I thought these two other friends of Teh’s in this class would have a bigger part

- “Local devil” 😂😂

- If you’re so tired, don’t you think you should have someone to take care of your heart? 😂😂 how can Teh be so smooth with Tarn? He’s probably not actually smooth at all to most people, but I think so. Especially for Teh

- Oh, right. it’s because it’s not so serious (even though he does like her), and he knows she doesn’t want to date until after her exam. So that’s probably why

- But with Oh-aew it’s like, how do I express an emotion? What even are my emotions? Let me just smell you a second

- Two years hitting on her and he’s still trying*

- If you find someone better, you can be with that person… *enter Oh-aew stage right*

- Their friendship is so cute 😭 I missed Tarn in IPYTM

- Oh, studying with your old Chinese classmates, eh? Can’t see any problems popping up here

- So how often has Teh talked about Oh that Tarn’s first thought is, is your friend that you had a fight with (several YEARS ago) going to be there?

- And Teh’s face! Still so raw about it

- The MoRaoYuLok group chat!!!!! 💬

- And here are Philip, Kai, and Mod little babies :)

- You still hit so hard 😂

- My God. Everyone just knows they’re obsessed with each other even after not seeing each other for years. The others looking at each other when Teh looks inside. Oh’s already inside. Get in there, bud

- The whole scene when Teh walks in and Oh-aew turns around is a masterpiece. They're facial expressions are everything

- Oh's smiling when he turns around, but his face falls the second he sees Teh

- Not at all traumatized in his little name card frame

- (Also their friend tapping on Teh's shoulder, like look who we brought, Oh!)

- But I also love how he keeps looking at Teh, like he can't look away, while their friends introduce Bas

- He has a crush on Bas, but he's just looking at Teh while someone else introduces him

- And my ship-adled brain is like, mmm Teh clocks him as a love rival right away 😂 I'm sure he's not thinking that, but he could be thinking, great i've been replaced in my friendship group

- Get to know each other so we can be together a long time (😭). Meanwhile, Oh finally looks away but is now going through an existential crisis

- And Teh looks back to him with this face before the teacher comes in 💔❤️‍🩹 (also their friends' faces in the background are good too. they're loving the drama. Or that could be me projecting.)

- I don't know what this face says, but I think it's Oh thinking "we could've been dating for like half a decade by now if it weren't for you." Or maybe like, damn why'd he have to grow up hot

- And then Oh's cold face when he blocks Teh from sitting down 😂😂❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 (those outside, come inside 👀)

- And yet this is his face after Teh walks to the other side of the room

- And Teh looking at him again :) :'(

*This is why I still have trouble with the cheating plot in IPYTM. I know that he’s kinda starting a relationship with Tarn and Oh in ITSAY. But I can see from his perspective how it’s not like that. Tarn keeps rejecting him. She even tells him, if you find someone else, that’s fine. So it’s confusing for him, and with everything that’s happened between him and Oh (and his possible internalized homophobia or at least fear of having to come out), I don’t see it like him cheating on Tarn or Oh. Once Oh comes back into his life, he’s mostly just confused. He’s not really in a relationship with either of them. But once he decides to let himself love Oh for real, it’s set. Nothing will change his mind. He spent two years asking Tarn out because he had a crush on her. I’m sure he could’ve asked other people out, but he didn’t. He doesn’t have a crush on Oh. He’s in love with Oh. He loves Oh like he loves acting. Nothing can deter him from either one once he makes up his mind. Like I can see the thought process to why Teh would cheat (with lots of inferring because there’s a lot we missed over four years in the story), but Teh is dedicated once he decides on something. In contrast to Oh-aew, who Teh perceives as fickle (to be fair, Oh said he quits things when he gets bored and put that thought in Teh’s head himself, which I did only realize in this rewatch (over a year ago…)). So I get Teh doubting Oh or thinking Oh would leave him eventually (not that I doubt Oh, but I can see that being the story), but I still have trouble with Teh cheating. I would rather the story had focused on Teh’s doubt of Oh than have cheating. Like Teh needing to understand that Oh isn’t a kid getting bored with an after school activity and that he doesn’t just drop everything after a while. I could definitely see that taking a toll on their relationship when they can’t spend as much time together as they want and with Oh dropping out of the program that Teh gave up to make sure Oh could have. I think that’s what Teh’s cheating ultimately stems from, but I just don’t see him actually cheating. (Especially not with someone as gross as what’s his face. Teh literally saw him making out with their professor. He can’t possibly be that stupid. And also I didn’t like having to assume so much of Teh’s thoughts in IPYTM. In ITSAY, it’s clear what he’s thinking even if he doesn’t say it.) I'm aware this scene could also be an argument for why he would cheat on Oh. But I just don't see it that way : \

[moonieandi]

snapshots pt. 3 | stanley pines x f!reader 

summary: a quick look through concerning the early months of your life “married” to stanley pines, particularly centered around moments on the couch

warnings (TW): mdni, contains mature/suggestive content, swearing, alcohol consumption, mentions of drug use

tags: mature/suggestive content (in act iii), fluff, early relationship described, pining, affection

notes: please note that there is heavily implied/suggestive/mature content in act iii of this posting (after the second break)- if you do not wish to interact with this type of content i swear to you you can completely skip it if you like, i attempt to not tie TOO much significance to the written scene- and if you would prefer that the postings stray away from this kind of content i will attempt to better balance it in the future! i am in no shape or form a very “smutty” writer (mainly bc i have never written it), so i hope the scene isnt like… terrible ya know lol (also i don’t consider it much for “smut”- i am def using said word very loosly). annnnyyywayyys hope you enjoy and as always my dms are open for suggestions in the future and general conversation and encouragement! enjoy!

also to note! I believe the story is best read in order- i put certain dependences on certain words and bring descriptions back to really solidify the importance of certain scenes/interactions ! but completely up to you, lol

edit 8/27/24: hello! below i have linked the up to date masterlist for this series- thank you for reading, hope you enjoy!

word count: 4.5k

| masterlist | part iv |

She had caught him sleeping on the couch in the early heat of June. 

They had a late night on the couch, discussing Ford’s margin notes and rewatching The Price is Wrong. Stan had a certain affinity for price matching, and she was more than a little stunned to learn of it the first couple of months they resided in the shack together. 

She just didn’t expect this 30-year-old man to know the price of most common household appliances. 

After his divulgence last month, in which he had confided a little bit of his background in sales, she began to piece together that although Stan considered himself a conman in every way but words, she considered it pure brilliance. 

So she quickly got used to late-night T.V. shows, as they discussed next steps back and forth, with Stan interrupting conversations to yell out extremely accurate prices at the small box T.V. in front of the couch. It had grown on her, actually, and had turned rather… endearing. 

If not also incredibly hilarious, as he was so passionate about his own accuracy he usually forgot his volume, and sometimes took to ranting at her. 

“Hun! Hun! This is a load of malarkey I tell ya! That vacuum price is way too high! It don’t even come with added nozzle attachments!” 

She would laugh, and he would revel in making her do so. 

They had concluded the night in a similar fashion, and she had stumbled up to her bedroom. The first one on the right from the stairs. But he had lingered in the living room, muttering about tidying up some soda cans and taking the trash out quickly. 

She had shrugged it off, giving her goodnight, and made her way up the stairs. She had fallen asleep so quickly, she hadn’t heard the usual meandering steps of Stan as he made for his own room across the hall from her. 

She almost never woke up before him, another thing that surprised her. She figured he was the type to doze in and out in the early morning, but he seemed to be quick to rise and even quicker to make a pot of coffee, usually stumbling down the stairs thirty minutes before she could manage to roll out of bed. 

So she thought it odd to look down the stairs and not see the usual kitchen light on, and the usual grumble of the shitty coffee machine either. 

She found him snoring on his back, the throw blanket she had brought with her half on half off him. It had grown a little muggy in the shack, due to the distinct lack of central air, but Stan’s solution seemed to be very simple. 

Just wear less clothes. 

Something that wouldn’t disturb her in the slightest, if it were not for, well… Stan. 

She was a scientist, a usual logical thinker, and only slightly prude (due to her upbringing), but she was no idiot, and she knew the man she was cohabitating with was attractive. 

I mean, he was also funny- made her laugh more times than she could count. He was oddly sincere for his age and even more oddly protective. He was flippantly affectionate and even more flippantly kind to her. 

And he was also shirtless. 

Something she takes note of instantly, instinctually. Whipping her head to make for the kitchen, and trying to forget the curve of his broad shoulders and the slight swell of his stomach. The smattering of dark hair on his chest all the way down to the crisp edge of the boxers she had folded two days ago. 

Coffee, coffee coffee! 

She didn’t make as good of a cup as he did, she had never had to before. Something he scoffed at, but quickly took to doing himself. He made it every morning, now. Always up before her, with her mug waiting for her by her worn kitchen chair. 

She turned to the stove instead, moving pans and turning on the burner. She’d make breakfast for them instead of her shitty burnt coffee special. Pulling eggs and bacon out of the small fridge she went to work. 

The smell woke him up, and she noted his groggy fumbling to redress himself. Glancing out the archway from kitchen to living room she watched him pass to the stairs, still shirtless. He takes the stairs two at a time, back up to his room to retrieve new clothes she presumed. 

He returns in minutes, in typical fashion it took him not too long to get ready in the morning. 

He walks in, still stretching, with hair muddled from sleep. A pair of work jeans that had seen a lot of love in the past month, and a shirt that was quickly growing too tight around his arms and shoulders. She decided to ignore that sliver of stomach that peaked out when he raised his arms a little too high, otherwise, the bacon would burn. 

He made his way to the coffee machine, beginning the usual morning routine as it spurred to life. Moving to the sink he began washing their shared mugs. 

Breakfast was always a little quiet like they both couldn’t be bothered to open their mouths beyond sating their appetite. They still moved the same, instinctually and without words. Falling into their unassigned assigned seats, Stan moving to grab her feet and drag them across his lap, while she moved the salt and pepper between them both. She always reached across to his plate, grabbing his toast to butter first and then moving to her own. 

She had decided to interrupt their usual silence this morning, looking across to Stan as he fumbled with the morning paper. He always went straight to the comics in the morning, hoping to pick up on a joke to read to her that day, hoping to make her laugh first before anything else in the morning. 

But she had thrown a wrench in his usual plan (that she still hadn’t picked up on yet). 

“Why were you on the couch?” She asked, biting around her toast. 

“It’s cooler down here hun.” 

“I know heat rises Stan, but the sun rises on my side of the house in the morning. It ain’t that hot upstairs yet. Is there something wrong with your bed?” 

When first rearranging rooms he had resolved to take Stanford's old one. He didn’t want her to have to live in the shell his brother had left behind. His more intimate nick-nacks and sticky notes had been scattered around what is now Stan’s room. Along with his random mismatched socks and sweater vests, and his cologne. And he didn’t want to think about having her live around the last remnants of Stanford, because she got this weird look in her eyes already when she retraced his brother's writings and he couldn’t stand it. He had lived with Stanford for eighteen years, and sometimes entering the room was at least therapeutic. 

Except Stanford always had a weird affinity for sleeping on the ground. 

It’s the main reason Stanley even had the top bunk during their preteen years to begin with, because Stanford would find himself stiff on the floor most mornings. His brother had a tendency to doze away on any hard surface he could rest his head on, starting at his desk most nights, moving to his bed, but usually rolling off it in favor of the floor. Stanford was… not one for restful sleep. And his hard ass mattress showed it. 

“Ya.” Stan muttered behind the newspaper. “‘Ford trying to fuck my back up from another dimension.” 

“You can have my bed?” She offered up her own mattress, one she had splurged on with her own money. He still remembers her playing Goldilocks that day at the flash mattress sale she had circled in the classifieds the week before. 

He shook his head at the memory, them both laying side by side on each bed as she had discussed odds and ends. She had argued that she needed approximately 5 minutes on each mattress to sink into each, and that she couldn’t be intrinsically thinking about her comfort when doing so. So she had him lay beside her and talk to her, as she flipped from her back to her side testing out her comfort and considered the gravelness of his voice. Until she had landed on the right bed, the tenth one, declaring it her perfect match as she looked over at him beside her. 

“Nah, I can’t take your perfect match, hun, your one true love.” He joked, folding up the newspaper with the comics up, setting it aside in favor of looking at her. “Besides my bed is fine for now. I just… sometimes I like being close to the door.” 

She hummed. “I can rearrange the living room today? Do you want to move your bed downstairs?” She hadn’t even questioned it, still searching for something to sate his comfort. 

He laughed at this, he would never let her rearrange things without him and she knew it. He had hovered something harsh those first three months, moving around most things for her as she pointed from object to object. 

“No, no.” He shook his head. “I just, I ain’t used to sleeping in a room without a straight way out of it yet.” He admits, munching on his bacon, shrugging like he was discussing the weather. “So sometimes I just, sleep on the couch. No big deal.” 

She sits back in her seat, shock marring her face. He had spent so long hopping from place to place she had forgotten he hadn’t had a place to call home in a decade- besides his car. Something that may have four walls, but had no heart. 

Hotels, to cars, to floors of shelters, he had slept in questionable places for far too long, and in some cases Stanford’s room sometimes felt like a new prison, or at least reminded him of a certain Colombian one. Except this one contained taunting memories and a stupid amount of sweaters. 

It hurt more, to open his door to find hers closed, for some reason. He didn’t like the thought of her trapped either, nestled in a part of the house he couldn’t get to. But he didn’t know how to voice this to her without sounding mad in a way. Or obsessive maybe. 

She digs her toes into the junction of his ribs, grabbing his attention. She’s smiling across from him, and standing before he can ask why. Grabbing his hand, she pulls him up the stairs to their own parallel doors, not even hesitating to walk through the door Stanford used to call his own. 

She’s muttering under her breath as he stands in the doorway, landlocked by witnessing her in this exact space for some reason. She moves to the window, opening it all the way and fumbling with the screen. She gets it off and makes to climb out the window before he can protest. 

“If you want a way out, you got it right here!” She grunts, footing her way through to the shingled roof, his protests falling on deaf ears. 

“Get the fuck back in here!” He leans out, making to grab her. “Ain’t no way this shack's roof is any good!” 

She prances around, slightly mocking him by moving away from his waving arm. “Stan! It’s fine!” She laughs, the sun shining on her figure. Suddenly serious she stops, hands on her hips. “Seriously, if you need a way out, keep the window open, okay?” 

She crawls back through the window a moment later, using Stan’s hand as a weight as she balances back on the wooden floor. 

Still serious, she continues, “Stan if you need to keep the window open, you can keep the door open also if you feel like it.” 

She smiles like she has a brilliant idea, moving across the hall she opens her own room to display her own mess of things. “I can keep mine open also if it helps.” 

How the fuck had she read his mind? He was continually dumbfounded by her unquantifiable amounts of patience she had for him. Like it was a reserve she tapped into, to specifically deal with all his dumb bullshit. He would let it pile in the back of his head, but she’d reach back in and shake him awake, present him with a solution, and he forgets himself in his need to question “why?”. 

He had taken too long to respond, and she stands in the hall, hands wringing her too large t-shirt and looking surprisingly bashful. “Is this okay?” She asks, is this what you need? Vying for his approval as she continues. “Because really I don’t mind you sleeping on the couch, I really don’t, you can keep doing it if you like! Really! I just… I just…” 

Unspoken between them, he already knew. She meant well, she meant the best actually. She wanted him to be comfortable, here, with her. Wanted him to stop moving from place to place in the house because no where felt right because it all felt like a trap. Wanted him to know the four walls they shared could never be a prison, and that she didn’t want him to hop around anymore searching and clawing his way out of it. To not have to Goldilocks around the house, because across the hall from her had to be just right. 

And it was. Because she had read his mind as usual, and he was almost tired of being absolutely astounded by it. 

He nodded, smiling across from her, his confirmation in the squeeze he gave her hand as he reached for her again, and in the ruffling of her hair he gave her as he slipped from the house later. Making his way outside to his work, somehow lighter than usual.

They ended up on the couch most weekends, or at least most Saturday nights. 

She had insisted, against his better nature, that it was not appropriate to drink yourself into a stupor on a weekday. So he had gotten used to the shared moments on the weekend, routinely looking forward to shitty VHS movies and even shittier boxed wine and beer. 

She laughed at fucking everything when she was drunk. He almost wondered if she had ever been high, or if she even needed to be. He might as well be a stand up comedian most weekends, because if he thought he had a great audience Monday through Friday, well he had an even more endearing one on the weekends. 

It was a hot July night, and she had scoffed at his light beer that resided in the back of the fridge. Tisking at him as she danced around the kitchen, pouring sweet red wine into mugs (their only cups), and shooing him back to the couch. Only wine in the summer, only wine when it was this hot.

And it was hot, and humid, unsurprising for Oregon really. So hot in fact, that she had decided pjs were appropriate attire for the night, luckily for him. So he shed his jeans in favor of loose boxers and a well worn shirt. Unluckily for him, she had decided upon much the same wardrobe, which was odd for her and only uncomfortable for sober him. 

But he wasn’t sober anymore, and he had to admit she was rather enchanting hunched over on the couch, laughing at his shitty jokes with one of his old band t-shirts on, shorts that she made no indication of even owning, bagging up around the tops of her thighs. 

He had been intoxicated on numerous amounts of things, nothing, of course, too hard or addictive per say, but it’d be the first time he was this drunk on wine. 

And it was… different. 

He had scoffed at the movie she chose originally tonight. She always chose the second movie, and he chose the first. They had a habit of in depth discussing during films, especially when more intoxicated. 

But he had never been so incredibly invested in a romantic comedy in his entire life, he blamed his company and the alcohol. 

“I can’t believe that he thinks he stands a chance with the likes of her! She’s sacrificed so much! Her jobs on the line here and he won’t even consider marrying her for a green card!” He yelled, just about jumping at the screen. This man in the movie was ridiculous, demanding things from his assistant and throwing her away the next. 

She ran back into the room, mugs full with their next round. She had become the bartender tonight, waiting on him and grabbing snacks when he’d ask in exchange for rubbing her aching shoulders. 

“What did I miss!” She rushed back, handing him his mug and taking her seat back in front of him on the floor, her throw blanket being used as a cushion. 

He takes a sip, setting the mug aside her own on the floor and moving back to place his hands on her tense shoulders. 

“She’s being kicked out of the country right in front of her boss and he ain’t gonna do anything about it! She basically does everything for this man, why doesn’t he see he needs her?” 

She groans below him, her head rocking back as she takes her own drink. “Are we gonna discuss the intricates of them having a relationship though? I love marriage of convenience, don’t get me wrong, but that’s her boss! Isn’t there a weird power dynamic here?” 

“Oh ya!” He agrees, nodding along as his fingers began to dig into her muscles. “We gotta talk about that because if this gets creepy we gotta pick out a different one. He’s already pissing me off!” 

She looks up at him, eyes glowing with an idea. Enchanted, she moves away from him, crawling to the cabinet beside the T.V., and he really swears that he tries to look away. But he also reasons that it’ll be a while before he gets the chance to see her in shorts again. And fuck. 

She turns back, a new VHS in hand. “This!” She exclaims. “Now this is my favorite rom-com!” 

A shitty picture is well worn on the front of the movie sleeve, a VHS he doesn’t recognize from the donation bin sitting in her hands. She must have brought it with her, and she must have had it for a while. 

She crawls forward, movie in hand and a bright, flushed smile on her face. 

“Please, please, please Stanley! This one!” She all but yelled as she leaned up into him. His legs had already been parted to accommodate her sitting in front of him, but now were warm with her torso between them, as she crawled into his lap, movie still in hand and smile still on her face. She leaned up onto his chest, a fake pout on her lips as she looked up at him. 

He forgot himself for a minute, excusing her silently for calling him Stanley in her drunken plee. His hand finding her waist as he answered. 

“Okay, okay!” He snorted. “Better be a better love interest because this guy sucks.” 

He missed her as soon as she left, but his heart still felt something sick when she yelled victoriously on the ground, hand raised in celebration, movie clutched to her chest. Rolling from her current position to the VHS player and popping out the current horrendous movie. All the while she giggled, and he followed in much the same manner. Laughing while running his hand through his hair, trying to soothe himself to forget her warmth. 

She crawled back to him (fuck) settling back into his knees from her position on the ground. The title screen flashed, but he was much too busy watching it illuminate her face. Heart sick again when she leaned her head all the way back, hair across his knees and thighs, she smiles up at him, a thank you on her lips. Clutching his mug in her hands, bringing it to her lips for a sip before passing it up to him too. 

And when he carried her to bed that night he wondered when the tight sickness would leave him. He never closed either of their doors. 

It didn’t happen like this, that night. 

Not from what he could remember anyway, but he felt too groggy to care about accuracy and too intoxicated by the image of her to care much for what was right. 

Her hands had continued up his thighs from her place knelt in front of him, his back hot against the living room couch. She had climbed up on top of him, creeping up to sit on his knees and thighs like she had been there before. Her smile turned sweet into something twisted as she leaned in close to his face, the closest she had ever gotten to it. Whispering something between the heat between the two of them, something lost on him, as he tried to lean closer, tried to bridge the gap between their chests, aching to feel her against the very front of him. 

He knew it was different because she had never worn this in front of him before, at least willingly. He had caught her in the middle of the night, stumbling from her open bedroom door to the bathroom down the hall, panties striped and endearing on her ass. He had seen them in the washer, had seen her fold them and tuck them away. And she was in them, sitting on his fucking lap. 

His hands made for her, reaching behind her and dragging her close, his fingers edging the back of the band of her striped panties. 

She gasps like she does when she’s happy for him, always jumping from her position on the couch cheering along with him when he gets a stupid fucking The Price is Wrong answer right. 

And it’s how he imagined it, fuck, how he was currently dreaming of her noises. In bits and pieces he could remember, his brain scrambling to paint an image of her wanting him.  

Her hands edge along the back of his head, running through his long hair, and tracing to the front along his jaw. Mouth open, her fingers glide along the bottom of his lip, teasing. 

She whispers again, closer now. Her chest heaving against his own, her ass waits precariously positioned above right where he dreamt of her being. Right along the space he places her feet every morning, right where he thought she may kill him.

He catches it this time, between them. Her voice wavering like it had that day in the car when she had apologized for calling him him. He thought of begging for it, allowing her to say his name, but she had read his mind like she always fucking managed to do. 

“Please, Stanley.” 

He had surged forward like his own tidal wave, meeting her in the hot space between them. But he could only imagine a kiss with her, dream of it here. 

He imagined it slow, and building. Imagined her hesitation and the pout of her lip between his fucking teeth, imagined her moan when he eventually came back for more. 

Her hands pulled at his fucking hair, the only time she had placed them there to harm, and he groaned as she pulled him forward, meeting again in the middle of the heat they shared there on the couch. She moaned, her hips rushing to his own, making a new heat between them. 

The friction between them was the same as the kiss, slow and building. Grinding herself in the curve of his lap, right where they both needed each other. Every pass slightly faster, every groan from her more imagined, more unreal. 

The pressure felt real though, and her fingers in his hair felt even more so. His head thrown back on the couch, he looked down his nose at her, a groan leaving his throat as she makes a home in his shoulder, as her hips cause waves against his fucking lap. 

Her breath is hot on his neck, something real, and her echoing noises move up his shoulder to his ear and it makes him hotter than he could imagine. Her groans come to a precipice, getting higher in octave and volume and she thinks to fucking bite him there, right on his shoulder. 

The image she makes shakes him, his hands remembering where they are on her ass and hips, as he makes to work them harder, to somehow bring her closer and harder to the crook of his boxers. Her teeth nestle into him, and it makes him groan more, her hot breath and aching moans reverb off his skin back to him. 

It sends him reeling forward, his own head rushing off the back of the couch, groaning in heat, moving in blind passion. His head rests against the top of her own, his big hands digging into the fat of her behind, finger creeping in through the top of her panties. 

“Fuck.” He groans between them. “Fuck, honey.” His hips canting up, her moans echoing again, her teeth unlaching, like she can’t ground herself to him anymore, because all the movement is him now. He’s fucking using her, the pressure hot, and she peels back to look at him, a heat in her eyes he can’t have imagined. He must have seen it before, marring her face. He had, he swears, seen her with this heat in her eyes before.

He was using her. 

It stops just as abruptly as it began, and he wakes to his discomfort. His room is cool despite the morning sun, the curtains by his windows billowing out with September wind. His door wide open, and his hand curled around something that no longer needed relief. 

His other hand, clutching his hair in a fist. The back of his head tender from the pressure, and his fingers heavy from sleep. 

He got up quicker than usual, his heart still pounding oddly in his chest as he attempted to catch a breath he didn’t remember losing. On his way out of his room, dresssed for the day, he peaks into her parallel room, her door wide open like it was every day now. 

He groans low, she’s wearing the fucking stripes. 

He tries not to think about it the rest of the day, tries not to be disgusted with himself, but his chest aches something odd and his stride is somehow uneven for the rest of the day. His heart carries something sickly when he sees her that day, and she pretends it doesn’t hurt he’s oddly quiet that day, or that he doesn’t read her the morning comics like usual. 

She thinks it has something to do with how flushed he is, when she catches his staring that evening, as they sit beside each other on the couch, T.V. echoing in the background.

[so-long-soldier-writes]

The Light in My Darkness

damon salvatore x gn!reader | requested

summary: after your boyfriend's death, you fell back into old habits. now that he's back, you're having trouble kicking them again.

tags: angst, hurt / comfort, depression, s3lf h4rm, kisses

word count: 1.7k

a/n: i typically don't write for damon, however i feel comfortable writing this subject matter and i'm getting better with understanding his character. honestly, too, i rewatched s7 and i'm starting to love him even more. (i just love the traumatized characters.)

also, i'm not good at titles. my first title had the word 'put' in it, but i stared at it so long, it didn't look like a word anymore and i had to change it. i think i like this one better. i stg, titles are half the reason i take so long to post. whew, anyway... enjoy ❤️

“Stefan needs help at Whitmore,” Damon says hurriedly. He puts his phone in his back pocket and sighs. “Another Enzo situation.”

“Do you want me to come?”

“No, you stay here. I don’t want him anywhere near you, given he’s in one of his moods and would hurt you for no reason.” He gives you a quick kiss. “I’ll be right back.”

“Okay.”

He speeds out the door a moment later, leaving you alone in the large, empty house. You sigh. Your life is so full of supernatural drama, it’s hard to keep up. Honestly, you’re not even sure what the situation is with Enzo, or why he and Stefan hate each other so much, or how Damon knows what to do to de-escalate their arguments. Of course, Caroline debriefed you on it sometime ago, but with all the craziness happening lately, it pretty much went over your head. 

It’s been hard these last few months. Only recently had Damon returned to you from four months after being considered dead, alongside Bonnie, as the other side collapsed with him in it. Those months had been the hardest of your life, and you doubted your ability to make it through them. Losing your best friend and your boyfriend was something you never thought you’d have to endure, yet it happened. Losing them almost killed you, too. 

For three years, you were clean. You hadn’t touched a single blade since you and Damon got serious. He gave you a reason to stop without even knowing it, and with a lot of patience with yourself, you managed to kick the addiction. After he died, though, when you couldn’t bear to live without him, you picked it back up. Part of you is pissed for falling back into your old ways, but the other part has convinced yourself it’s what you need to do to survive. 

When he came back unexpectedly, you were filled with just as much panic as you were joy. You had him back, but had relapsed majorly, and now have to recount your old steps into being sober again. It hasn’t been easy. 

It’s been a couple days since your last time, and while your skin’s no longer bright and swollen, it seems to beg for your attention. You have to plan it carefully, making sure Damon will be gone long enough that he won’t sense the fresh blood. When he grabs your wrists to kiss your face, you don’t want to flinch in slight pain, or let him pick up a chance in your heartbeat. 

It’s such a complicated addiction to have when dating a vampire, yet fighting the urges are so hard, sometimes you can’t help but give into them. 

The blades in the bathroom are ready for you when you enter. A brand new pack sits in the drawer. The boys won’t miss one or two. The one time Stefan did notice, you blabbered a quick lie about needing one to scrape a bit of food dried to the stovetop. He was in such a rush that day, he didn’t catch any lie, and you were able to smile and flee the scene a moment later. Since then, you make sure to hold onto the one you have until there’s enough to not see one missing. 

With everyone seemingly involved in the Enzo situation, you don’t bother to shut the door completely before dragging the blade across your skin. The boarding house is empty, and this bathroom in particular is tucked away nicely behind the stairs. You make a few scattered cuts and watch the blood seep from them. It always seems to calm you in the most grotesque way, and, quite ironically, gives you the perfect dopamine rush that raises your spirits despite the pain. It’s a terrible addiction but with a high reward… until you have to hide the evidence. 

That little reminder makes you sigh. Too many scars are hard to hide, and with Damon back, you have to be careful. It would break him to see you this way; that thought alone makes you put down the blade. For a moment longer, you stare at the tricking blood, committing the sight to memory to maybe fend off the next urge. To imagine the blood on your skin may convince yourself it’s there, and maybe you won’t cut the next time you’re so desperate. Maybe. 

You reach for a piece of toilet paper to dab the wounds. The bleeding needs to stop before you crave another scare. It’s so tempting, but-

“Hey,” Damon appears suddenly, peeking through the door. His eyes are narrowed, as if sensing something’s wrong. “What are you doing?”

You turn to face him and hold your hands around your back quickly. “Nothing.”

“Are you sure?” He opens the door a little wider, seeing the reflection of your hidden hands in the mirror. “Let me see your arms.”

“I’m okay.” Nervously, you pull down your sleeves to hide your wounds as much as possible. Your eyes meet the floor, unable to lie if you look into his blues.

“No, you’re not.” He argues, anxious to see your face; to not let you shy away and avoid his gaze. His approach makes your heart race, confirming his worst fears. “Let me see.”

“I thought you were leaving. I thought Stefan needed you.”

“He does, but he can wait.”

“But-”

“You’re my first priority. I can tell something’s up. Please,” he brushes a hair away from your face, “let me in.”

“Damon, I’m fine.”

“You’re hurting, and I can smell the blood, and I’m really trying hard not to freak out right now.”

You huff at the realization that he could smell it. You should’ve waited for him to be gone longer before breaking your skin. “Promise me you won’t be mad.”

“Why would I be mad?”

“Just promise me.” Tears well in your eyes, but you let them fall, unwilling to take your hands off your sleeves. 

“Y/N, I promise. I could never be mad. Just let me see it.”

Slowly, you release your sleeves, but leave the task of rolling them up to him. You can’t bear to do it yourself. Damon takes one hand gently and pulls the sleeve back. Upon seeing the numerous cuts, he pulls the other back with a little more vigor, but is still careful not to hurt you. He stares, unable to speak or move, as his heart breaks with every passing second. 

“I’m so sorry,” you whisper. His eyes meet yours and you finally break down into tears. 

Without a moment of hesitation, he pulls you into a hug, wrapping his arms protectively around your body. You feel safe in his arms, you always do. Damon has a way about him that always makes you feel safe, no matter what anyone else thinks of him. He’s loyal and understanding, and that is part of the reason you feel so horrible for not telling him this. 

“I’m sorry,” you repeat, now sobbing into his chest. 

Your heart beats and reminds him that you are alive. The cuts made into your skin weren’t deep enough to take you. The pain you have been feeling hasn’t swallowed you whole. He concentrates on your breathing, and your crying, and uses it to anchor himself before asking the thousands of questions flooding his mind. 

He pulls away, finally, and wipes your tears with his thumbs. His hands grip your shoulders with a gentle desperation, as if he’s afraid you could dissipate at any moment. 

“Y/N…”

“I didn’t mean for you to find out this way.”

“Did you mean for me to find out at all?”

Your heart feels heavy as you reply, “honestly, no.”

“Why not tell me, Y/N? You know I love you. If you’re hurting, I want to be there for you.”

“I know… I guess I just didn’t want to disappoint you? Some part of me was embarrassed about it, and I didn’t want you to see me differently because of it. I don’t know.” 

“Baby, there’s nothing you could do that’d ever make me love you less. Nothing that would ever make me feel a different way, or see you in another light.”

“I know. I know my feelings are totally irrational, I just… they’re fears.”

“I understand.” He kisses your forehead, then releases your shoulders to hold your hands and kiss them, too. “Hey, can you promise me something?”

“I can try.”

“Come to me the next time you’re feeling like you want to hurt yourself, okay? Let me help you through it.”

“But-”

“It doesn’t matter what’s going on, or who’s texting, I will drop anything and put you first. But you gotta let me in when you need it. Okay?”

“Okay.” You take a deep breath. “Thank you.”

“Of course. Now,” he pauses, biting into his arm and holding it out for you to drink. His other hand meets the back of your head, stabilizing your neck to keep you comfortable. 

To his dismay, you refuse. You try to pull away, but his other hand prevents that, so you look down instead. “I can’t.”

“Y/N…”

“The scars are a reminder that I bleed. As soon as they fade away, the urge returns, but if they’re there for a little while, the urge is less strong. They’re kind of a comfort, I think. A reminder.”

“So you don’t want me to heal them?”

“I’d rather not. They don’t bother me too much. Do they bother you?”

You can see the hesitation in his eyes. He fights with himself, knowing the sight is a reminder of your pain, but understands their existence helps you heal. After a moment, he shakes his head. “No, baby, I only care that you’re safe.” He kisses them one more time. “Have you eaten much today?”

“Not really.”

“Well… do you mind if I make you something, even if it’s just something small, and then we can sit together on the couch? We’ll take today slow.”

“Okay. Wait, but what about Stefan?”

“Caroline can handle it. Then he’ll be in her debt and she’ll be happy about it,” he jokes.

You smile, appreciating his humor despite the somber mood hanging above both your heads. He’s the light in dark times, the much needed laugh that breaks the awkward silence. It’s part of the reason you fell for him so quickly. 

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

“Okay. And thank you.”

He pulls you in to kiss your forehead, then reaches for your hand. “Of course.”

[amoneki-ramblings]

this is a pass to do a couple things:

finish the manga!!! u can do it so u can follow all the other blogs without getting blindsided by a spoiler

do the ship ask thingy for amoneki :]

Gahh I'm trying !! I'm so busy with school and life stuff so it's hard to squeeze in time to read but I'm trying! I'm getting through volumes very slowly but hey, I'll get there ! Just. Well. There's 16 volumes so. Okay it might take a bit orz

For now I'll just be in my little fandom limbo corner I suppose orz, as for the ask thingy:

when I started shipping it if I did: Several months ago, probably a few months short of a year? It's a bit complicated, Basically I decided to rewatch the anime (because my original exposure to tg was. the anime :') ) and vaguely remembered that I really liked Amon (honestly the encounter at Kanou's Lab/Cochlea was one of the scenes I remembered the most), and after rewatching and seeing Amon and Kaneki's interactions they piqued my interest again. Then I got into the manga and. Yeah that interest turned into insanity and now i'm here

my thoughts: Well I have a 119-slide 15K+-word google slideshow for starters. But I'm taking that to my grave so I guess I gotta condense that somehow. On one hand I feel like everything needs to be said about these two to the point that there's too much to talk about but also nothing needs to be said at the same time. They parallel each other in just about every way possible, it's impossible to ignore the ways that they foil each other. They also have had irreversible effects on the others' character. Kaneki finds resolve in Amon's words ('the world is wrong'), and turns to them at pivotal moments (when he leaves Anteiku, Kaneki's own mantra is also basically a derivative of Amon's, wishing to take out the "bad/wrong" things in the world, and he basically takes them to his grave, "The world is wrong", Amon's own words, being his opening to his final dialogue in the last chapter of the original series)

Similarily Amon is just haunted by Kaneki. Like. In general. He thinks about him constantly (even under more mundane circumstances, in the novels he gets reminded of Kaneki just by staring out a window because it reminded him of the Aogiri raid. lmao). Kaneki is basically the catalyst to his character development, and Amon is constantly bothered by his presence/existence, and even comes to recognize how they always encounter each other at important moments. Amon is so haunted by This Guy (creature) it's both a little funny but also makes me very insane. He's basically being a failure of a ghoul investigator, and it's even more ironic, given his hatred of himself for being raised by and potentially caring about a ghoul (also he's catholic, something something religious guilt), yet he seems to have a lot of faith in Kaneki, even to a faulty degree (I'd daresay it's almost to the point where he puts Kaneki on a bit of a pedestal/idolizes him to an extent. I have a whole other ramble about Just that on the self-rb'ed half of this post. Like I'm sorry but Amon definitely fell hard for this guy I'll die on this hill and I'm going to poke fun at him endlessly for it, he could've done so much better, he starts off the manga hating ghouls with a passion and his mentor's disdain for ghouls runs ten times as deep but nope now he's chasing after the dangerous somewhat unhinged (/affectionate) half kakuja guy and it's not even to fight/kill him like okay, sure.) They have affected each other in irreversible ways. They reflect each other so much even if they don't know it. They just want to sit down and have a conversation. They didn't get to. And instead They Killed Each Other (okay not really but it was very close and they absolutely could, not that they want that) ((It's also partially Kaneki's fault for losing control of himself and he feels awful for that (sidenote but any scenario with Centineki and Amon make me lose my mind))). They're also married by first-encounter marriage bite, apparently. I think we should talk about that more that's kinda?? Donato approves btw

What makes me happy about them: Everything that makes me miserable about them makes me simultaneously happy about them because I am an Angst Guy but honestly just how much they clearly respect each other. While they're not allowed to understand each other because of their circumstances they still very much Want to. They recognize that they probably share a lot of views and could really have a meaningful conversation with each other, and it really shows, even if they're fighting. Amon again has a surprising amount of trust in Kaneki (not assuming he's fighting for Aogiri when he saw him during the ward 11 battle, having faith in Kaneki as a person even if he just saw him potentially killing his superior and being presented with the possibility that maybe he was just being fooled all along, when he's nearly dying at Kaneki's own hands but says he won't die because that would make Kaneki a murderer, having faith still that he hasn't turned into one). They recognize that they're equals (well technically they're not, obviously Kaneki is much stronger objectively, being a ghoul, and a kakuja at that), but they treat each other as equals and that's what really matters. I just think it's a very neat dynamic and their roundabout way of caring about each other despite their positions makes me happy :)

What makes me sad about them: I was gonna put images but then I quickly realized that I'd basically be pasting almost all of chapter 133-134 just uh. The fact that Kaneki really lost control of himself and the parallel with him biting Amon's shoulder escalates to him cutting off his entire fucking arm, the way that Amon's first thought in regards to that is simply that Kaneki is strong, how he doesn't reprimand him for it whatsoever (also Amon's blow pretty much takes out the entire area of where Kaneki's kakuhou should be, which is a detail I find Extremely Interesting and I think it should genuinely be talked about more). This fucking line that happened literally the panel before all of that despite their mutual wishes for the other to simply Not Die:

Amoneki divorce. Absolutely life ruining :thumbsup:

(Also just. Again Amon Please. This guy bit your shoulder (probably gave Amon rabies honestly) and almost ate one of your colleagues; when he loses control of himself for the second time you just tell him to take a break, and now he's cut off your whole damn arm and you're Still not complaining and are instead praising him by calling him strong. I just. Yeah that's Not Normal. It's kind of impressive, really /derogatory)

Oh yeah also the fight at Kanou's lab also kills me and takes over my brain constantly but I wouldn't classify that as making me sad I would classify that as making me lose my mind, laugh hysterically and start climbing up and clawing at the walls (like Centineki, actually)

things done in fanfic that annoys me: Maybe I'm just extremely picky but I feel like people tend to fumble Amon's characterization a lot. It's kind of a fine line, and Amon has a lot of conflicting feelings as is, so I get it, but I'm especially bothered when Amon is written as way too harsh. When he's first introduced he has a strong hatred for ghouls, and it's not like that just goes away, but when he's written as especially harsh or even cruel towards Kaneki, especially if it's just because for him being a ghoul it feels like it kind of defeats the point, as Kaneki is supposed to be the reason why Amon starts changing his mind. When Amon sees him for the second time he doesn't think about fighting him at all, even that early on he decides he wants to talk instead, 'cause He's Different. I don't see this kind of characterization too often but I don't really vibe with it at all when I do (Also this is definitely just a me-thing but I wish there was more angst in the tag. Which is ironic considering these guys are surprisingly normal most of the time and have so much potential to be actually Happy but uh *vague hand gestures*, hurt-comfort would also be a decent compromise)

things I look for in fanfic: I love pre-:re fics that explore the complicated-ness of their dynamic. I'm really fond of fics where they kind of dance around each other in a sense, they won't just straight up completely directly interact because that's Still a bit dangerous but they see each other in passing, maybe Kaneki watches over Amon sometimes, etc. Also you probably saw this coming a mile away but yeah religious references mean instant bonus points from me. I could go into some (too much) detail but. uh. stares down at my feet look I'm normal I swear

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:  Saying Amonhaise is definitely cheating but I'm not really invested in any other Amon ships. I'm not particularly against any I'm just neutral. As for Kaneki, like I mentioned in a previous post, I see potential with Etoken, and it's pretty hard to go wrong with Hidekane, though neither drive me to insanity like these two do at the moment

My happily ever after for them: Let them finally officiate their marriage ghsfdljbhf

who is the big spoon/little spoon: Well that's pretty easy huh. Kaneki small spoon he is a Little Guy just let him feel comfortable and secure y'know? Kaneki is probably someone who runs very cold and Amon is very warm so it works out :) If he's super tired he very carefully (and cautiously) wraps his kagune around Amon he will now be Trapped there until Kaneki wants to get out of bed (good luck)

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: Well I would say that Kaneki loves cooking for Amon probably. He makes food at home and tries to make new sweets following recipe books. It's a bit of a mess because y'know, he's a ghoul, and at first Amon tries to hide that, unfortunately, his previous experience with cooking does Not, in fact, hide the fact that he cannot taste or smell human food, but eventually Kaneki is able to get a hang of it (with Amon's help) and it's very nice :) That's what I would say but. well. Amon is Also a Ghoul now so that doesn't really work :')

[my-beloved-lakes]

1, 4, 5, 10, 17, 19 for Forever, and 1, 5, 9, 15, and 19 for White Collar?

Forever:

1. what got you into this story?

We have @ghostlyarchaeologist to blame thank for this one. Saw them posting about it several months ago and was actually in the mood to try watching a new TV show (which is rare). Out of all my mutuals, I think I trust them the most to have good taste in TV, so I decided to give it a try

4. assign this story a hyper-specific genre name, e.g. "inspirational religious semi-horror sci-fi western" (yes, that's Trigun)

Um... Idk I'm bad at this. Romantic comedy modern-fantasy crime-drama?

5. do you have a favorite character? who?

I mean they're all so great it's hard to choose but I gotta say Henry, followed shortly after by Abe.

10. if you made an amv about this, what song would you set it to?

@we-have-a-flying-sword pointed out to me the other day that Twenty Long Years by Lord Huron reminded her of Henry. It's not perfect and there are other songs that might work better, but it's a song I love and I do think it works really well.

17. compare this story to your usual tastes. how does it differ from what you've already enjoyed?

Honestly, aside from the fact that it's the first show about a medical examiner I've seen, it's pretty on brand for the kind of shows I like. Nice balance between funny lightheartedness and serious stuff.

19. pitch an idea for a sequel or spinoff novel for this story!

Gosh! I think it'll be a long time before I stop fantasizing about this show getting a reboot. I guess a reboot would start with a recap of what happened immediately following the last scene in the show. Then like, just more of the same I guess, only now there's more trust and transparency between Henry and Jo. I'd like to see them get together. It'd be a long time coming, but they had to wait till they had all their individual issues worked out.

White collar:

1. what got you into this story?

It all started with the show Chuck actually. Matt Bomer played a character in that who was pretty easy to dislike but at the same time I wanted to like him. I just couldn't. Later I decided to look him up to see if he was in anything that looked interesting where he played a more likeable character. I found White Collar and remembered that one of my sisters had said it was pretty good so I started watching it.

5. do you have a favorite character? who?

As I'm rewatching it now I'm remembering how much I love Sara Elis. But also Elizabeth Burke is and always will be absolute wife goals! Mozzy's great too... and Neal. I love a lot of them, really.

9. give the most UNHELPFUL and/or SILLY summary possible.

Tired FBI agent tries desperately (and kinda fails) to keep his crime child out of trouble.

15. what time are you most likely to be found reading/watching this story? (time of year, time of day, season of life, whatever makes sense to you)

Time of day: evening or night cuz I almost never watch TV during the day.

19. pitch an idea for a sequel or spinoff novel for this story!

I don't know what they have planned for the reboot that is actually happening but in a perfect world: Neal found Sara in Paris. (That's why he chose Paris, duh) (Wait she did go to Paris right? Idk it's been a while since I've seen it. I could be miss remembering it) And they are now living happily as a semi-normal couple. Neal is using his unique set of skills and knowledge to help Sara with her insurance recoveries and also doing a little crime on the side. Mozzy has found Neal and is there helping out and encouraging Neal to do more heists/cons. They keep in touch with the Burkes and visit them in the states all the time. Peter let's the world continue to believe Neal Cafrey is dead cuz he knows Neal deserves to be free and that's the only way for that to happen. But any time he needs help on a tricky case he'll call Neal for some unofficial help.

But Honestly I don't want there to be a reboot or spinoff. I liked where it ended and I feel like bringing it back now is a bad idea cuz it'll ruin what, in my opinion, was a satisfying and happy conclusion. I'm really not jazzed about the fact they're working on bringing it back, especially since Willy Garson won't be in it. What's the point without Mozzy!? And apparently Hillary Burton won't be in it either, so that ruins my idea stated above.

[waitmyturtles]

Turtles Catches Up With Old GMMTV: A Tale of Thousand Stars Loving Rewatch Edition

[What’s going on here? After joining Tumblr and discovering Thai BLs through KinnPorsche in 2022, I began watching GMMTV’s new offerings -- and realized that I had a lot of history to catch up on, to appreciate the more recent works that I was delving into. From tropes to BL frameworks, what we’re watching now hails from somewhere, and I’m learning about Thai BL's history through what I’m calling the Old GMMTV Challenge (OGMMTVC). Starting with recommendations from @absolutebl on their post regarding how GMMTV is correcting for its mistakes with its shows today, I’ve made an expansive list to get me through a condensed history of essential/classic/significant Thai BLs produced by GMMTV and many other BL studios. My watchlist, pasted below, lists what I’ve watched and what’s upcoming, along with the reviews I’ve written so far. Today, I write about my LOVING rewatch of one of the best BLs out there, ever, in A Tale of Thousand Stars.]

While I’ve been in the midst of a plethora of awesome new shows (Only Friends, Dangerous Romance), I’ve also been treating myself with some oldies. I just wrapped up a rewatch of Until We Meet Again, to prep for New Siwaj’s Absolute Zero that’s coming out this fall. And one of the joys that I set for myself in the course of structuring the Old GMMTV Challenge was to allow myself some loving rewatches of shows that I originally first consumed out of any chronological order, and/or out of total curiosity for the amount of space they generally take up on a daily basis on Tumblr, and/or for the amount of times that I had seen these particular shows listed as top examples of genre-defining or genre-transcending BLs. Those shows include Bad Buddy (of course), and A Tale of Thousand Stars.

Way, WAY back in the day -- November 2022, to be exact -- just a couple months into my joining Tumblr and actively blogging, I realized that this show called Moonlight Chicken was being bandied about excitedly, mostly in part because EarthMix and FirstKhao were going to be in it. I was intrigued, excited to participate in my first active Tumblr fandom from beginning to end, and I asked the Tumblr gods -- oh hey, should I watch A Tale of Thousand Stars first, to get to know Earth Pirapat and Mix Sahaphap first? And the answer was YES, so I did, and I totally loved it.

And of course, I look back at that review from almost a year ago, and I giggle, because while I picked up on a lot of the raw elements that make ATOTS great, I didn't have ANY context for why the show was transcendent vis à vis pre-existing BL tropes in the Thai BL genre, what it meant to be watching a classic Backaof Noppharnach show, what it meant for the show to be set in Northern Thailand, etc. I even wrote -- oh wow, I see why some of the elders on Tumblr are saying that there are shows way better than KinnPorsche out there (LOL, oh, hindsight). I didn't have any of that context.

Now, I do. And during my recent ATOTS rewatch, I just ATE, ATE, ATE, oh my god, I just sat and fucking ENJOYED this FABULOUS drama. I was yelling and gesturing to the screen -- oh god, WHY are you SO GOOD, YOU SHOW, YOU?! Man, oh man. It was a shit-ton of fun to start rewatching dramas that I already have nostalgia for, even if I only saw them for the first time last year.

Besides rewatching some of these important dramas back in chronological order through the OGMMTVC, I also have a mission in mind: to properly rewatch ATOTS and Bad Buddy before rewatching Our Skyy 2, which I've been wanting to do for a while. That rewatch will take place after I rewatch Bad Buddy in a couple of weeks. And I'm glad I waited until I could consume Aof's entire oeuvre, because I think his whole slate of shows -- not just ATOTS and BBS -- give us clues as to what was happening by way of Pat and Pran's relationship in OS2 before their physical separation in BBS that further explain the ATOTS and BBS universes. But more on this in a few weeks, when I get to my BBS and OS2 reviews.

Back to ATOTS. As I rewatched it -- in the context of the OGMMTVC, and what I've learned about the Thai television BL genre NOW, what were the elements of this show that stood out the most for me?

1) The striking use of flashbacks to tell a story. I know NOW shows that haven't used flashbacks as well to tell a compelling narrative -- for me, most recently, the biggest example is Double Savage (and maybe even KinnPorsche goes up there, too). Before ATOTS premiered, I think the BL that used flashbacks the BEST in its narrative was Until We Meet Again, which *needed* flashbacks to tell the entire scope of its intricate story, from past to present.

Something that I forgot about ATOTS until my rewatch was how very PACED the show was. I think I had it in my head that it was a slow-ish story, because -- again, it bucked a lot of BL trends and tropes, just like He's Coming To Me also did. No side couples. No university setting. No warring faculties and uniforms. When I first wrote about ATOTS in December 2022 -- after having watched The Eclipse as my first GMMTV BL -- I marveled at the singular storyline of Tian's life change and journey. There was a LOT we needed to know about Tian to GET where he was going, and where he wanted to go. What I didn't appreciate back then was how Aof TOLD the story.

Sure -- it could have frustrated some folks that we didn't get the truth of who was driving the car until much later in the series. But that would be missing the point of that piece of truth. Tian had blamed himself for Torfun's death the second he learned about it. It didn't *quite* matter who was driving the car -- what mattered was the self-blame he assigned himself to, and the journey he thought he needed to take to absolve himself of the guilt that he carried.

The structure was beyond sharp, and just INCREDIBLY compelling. Between UWMA and ATOTS, we have two tremendous dramas that flirted with VERY risky past-to-future infrastructures, and both succeeded exceedingly well.

2) Phupha and Tian's TERRIBLE communication. I'm serious! Oh my god, y'all. Did we appreciate back then how AWFUL they are at communicating? HA! Our Skyy 2 obviously emphasized this even more -- Tian himself accuses Phupha of not being open enough to tell Tian why Phupha won't meet Tian's parents.

But, holy shit, these two guys are such drama bastards. By episode 9, I had to write in my notes, in all caps: THESE ASSHOLES ARE SUCH AWFUL COMMUNICATORS. If one person wasn't angry at the other, and avoiding the other person, then something was off in their world. Tian's titchyness, Phupha's avoidance, played against each other like opposing magnets.

And yet: of course, we know WHY they are bad communicators. We know that Phupha grew up in a traditional, rural household -- one that likely wasn't welcoming to his inner truth as a queer man.

Tian grew up in a privileged and patriarchal household that disguised itself as a matriarchal household. Now THAT shit's confusing. What Tian was to do with his life, as assigned by his parents, supposedly came from his mom -- but it was his dad that enforced those rules. Who could Tian go to to talk about his own growing inner truth as well? Not to either of his parents, who both had designs on who *exactly* Tian should be by way of their own demands and outward-facing lives.

So these two men -- both of whom barely had any practice in expressing their inner truths, their raw feelings about themselves, their life situations, and each other -- are figuring out their emotional shit vis à vis each other, for the first time in their lives. And what we get, gloriously, is a whole bunch of damn hilarious drama that left me shaking my head and laughing a bunch. They were SO passive-aggressive with each other, I had to applaud EarthMix.

And through their bad communication came so many resolutions to each storyline -- the illegal merchants, the revelation of Torfun's death and the story behind it -- that what we ultimately got to see were life-defining moments for both Tian and Phupha of utter growth. The trade-off between those dramatic anguishes and the TRUE drama of the show itself -- was well worth it, and brilliantly done.

3) The metaphor of freedom. We know, now, that Bad Buddy was existing in the same world as ATOTS.

God, I LOVE what Aof pulled in Our Skyy 2 by way of the Nong Nao eye mask (Tian even wears the Nong Nao eye mask!) -- because in rewatching ATOTS, I would have NEVER clocked that Tian was talking about his own freedom through his OWN eye mask.

We know now that Tian and Pran, in their respective shows, were on their own paths to freedom -- both from demanding families that demanded that each of them comport to absolute idealistic images of what perfect sons DID in those family structures. Both Tian and Pran have overbearing mothers with complicit fathers who demand exacting obedience. And both Tian and Pran ultimately sought freedom from that pressure.

In episode 9, I clocked a message on Tian's tote bag -- I can't get a clear-enough screenshot of it (it's in the 3/4 segment), but the tote bag says, "what is the meaning of free?" All of ATOTS is based on Tian's journey to emotional freedom -- freedom from his parents' expectations, freedom from the guilt he carries from Torfun's death.

An interesting comparison to UWMA happens in episode 5, when Tian asks about his growing feelings towards Phupha: "I don't know if these feelings are mine or Torfun's." And, of course -- combine that with what Tian needs to reckon with at the cliff in episode 9, when Tian is struggling with figuring how who's life he's truly living. As Tian separates himself from his parents -- as Tian understands his needs vs. Torfun's needs -- what Tian's struggle ultimately comes down to is, who is he really living his life for? Torfun saved him, his parents bought him the transplant -- but what does that actually mean for the meaning that Tian brings to his own life, and to the lives of others, including Phupha?

What Tian ultimately realizes is that needs freedom from the influence of everyone and everything around him to gain clarity as to who HE truly is. That, to me, is the ultimate core message of ATOTS -- it is Tian's defining journey towards the freedom that only he himself can find, vis à vis Torfun, Phupha, and Pha Pun Dao.

But because Aof is so good at wrenching our hearts with every last bit of energy he’s got: he showed us that Tian was able to come to this conclusion, ultimately, through Phupha, and Phupha's love for Tian.

ATOTS is a wonderful coming-of-age story, but without the typical cheesiness that that structure can often bring. It's a story of individual and internal change that we know gets echoed, expanded, and transformed in Bad Buddy through Pran. I see now that ATOTS and Bad Buddy are Aof's deep studies of internal maturing, both told through queer revelations, through empathic love with a rock-solid partner, and through fights against oppressive societal and familial resistances to living one's full truth.

Way, way back when -- and thank goodness for the OGMMTVC for allowing me to dive into this -- Aof depicted queer men living their very robust truths in Gay OK Bangkok. As I wrote in my GOKB review, what happened after the premiere of GOKB is that Aof went to the BL genre to begin slowly changing it, to make the genre a true home for real queer revelation and introspection. Did he ever nail it in ATOTS. Did he ever expand it in BBS. Watching ATOTS felt like coming home, because once again (as in HCTM) -- Aof defied typical expectations of the genre to get honest about what an internal reality of being queer could really be like. And to do that in Thai television BL, with all the tropes and expectations the genre had created by the time of ATOTS's airing in 2021, was remarkable.

Hearing the theme song, seeing Pha Pun Dao and the villagers (AND THE CHILDREN! I LOVE THOSE CHILDREN!), seeing the schoolhouse, seeing Earth in his forest ranger uniform, hearing the original source of the forest ranger t-shirt joke, seeing Rang and Yod again -- man, was it ever nostalgic to rewatch ATOTS, even after having seen the guys in Our Skyy 2. This show is SUCH a classic, SUCH a must-watch of the very highest order, and the fact that it does NOT shy away from a very real and difficult emotional journey is only just a part of what makes it one of the enduring diamonds of Thai BL.

[We'll return to Pha Pun Dao in a couple weeks once I get through my Bad Buddy and Our Skyy 2 rewatches -- stay tuned!

In the meantime, my review of Lovely Writer is on deck for next week. By far this is my favorite Tee Bundit drama. For the sake of my fellow drama clowns, I am giving I Feel You Linger in the Air a shot, but the editing choices are giving me slight Step By Step-PTSD. I'm gonna keep a close eye on this one.

But Lovely Writer is Tee's anomaly, and what a fabulously genius anomaly it is. I can't wait to get into it, and if you loved it, too, and you have NOT watched the Lovely Writer special episode, PLEASE watch the special ep, as I'll be referring to it -- it has a super important conclusion that wraps up the entire series beautifully.

A heads-up that I may need to take a week's break or so in early September.... hopefully I won't, but I am moving, so while I'm ahead on a few dramas, getting pen to paper has proven difficult by way of time. Hopefully this project won't be delayed too much -- but send me your best big ups nonetheless as I move domiciles!

In the meantime, here's the list -- as always, I welcome your feedback! (Tumblr's new web editor is jacking with the list below and not allowing me to strikethrough the shows I've watched. For the very latest updated list, please click here!)

1) The Love of Siam (2007) (movie) (review here) 2) My Bromance (2014) (movie) (review here) 3) Love Sick and Love Sick 2 (2014 and 2015) (review here) 4) Gay OK Bangkok Season 1 (2016) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here) 5) Make It Right (2016) (review here) 6) SOTUS (2016-2017) (review here) 7) Gay OK Bangkok Season 2 (2017) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here) 8) Make It Right 2 (2017) (review here) 9) Together With Me (2017) (review here) 10) SOTUS S/Our Skyy x SOTUS (2017-2018) (review here) 11) Love By Chance (2018) (review here) 12) Kiss Me Again: PeteKao cuts (2018) (no review) 13) He’s Coming To Me (2019) (review here) 14) Dark Blue Kiss (2019) and Our Skyy x Kiss Me Again (2018) (review here) 15) TharnType (2019-2020) (review here) 16) Senior Secret Love: Puppy Honey (OffGun BL cuts) (2016 and 2017) (no review) 17) Theory of Love (2019) (review here) 18) 3 Will Be Free (2019) (a non-BL and an important harbinger of things to come in 2019 and beyond re: Jojo Tichakorn pushing queer content in non-BLs) (review here) 19) Dew the Movie (2019) (review here) 20) Until We Meet Again (2019-2020) (review here) 21) 2gether (2020) and Still 2gether (2020) (review here) 22) I Told Sunset About You (2020) (review here) 23) YYY (2020, out of chronological order) (review here) 24) Manner of Death (2020-2021) (not a true BL, but a MaxTul queer/gay romance set within a genre-based show that likely influenced Not Me and KinnPorsche) (review here) 25) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) (review here) 26) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For The Sake Of Rewatching Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS  27) Lovely Writer (2021) (review coming) 28) Last Twilight in Phuket (2021) (the mini-special before IPYTM) (review coming) 29) I Promised You the Moon (2021) (review coming) 30) Not Me (2021-2022) (watching) 31) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) (thesis here) 32) 55:15 Never Too Late (2021-2022) (not a BL, but a GMMTV drama that features a macro BL storyline about shipper culture and the BL industry) 33) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) and Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (2023) OGMMTVC Rewatch 34) Secret Crush On You (2022) [watching for Cheewin’s trajectory of studying queer joy from Make It Right (high school), to SCOY (college), to Bed Friend (working adults)] 35) KinnPorsche (2022) (tag here) 36) KinnPorsche (2022) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For The Sake of Re-Analyzing the KP Cultural Zeitgeist 37) The Eclipse (2022) (tag here) 38) GAP (2022-2023) (Thailand’s first GL) 39) My School President (2022-2023) and Our Skyy 2 x My School President (2023) 40) Moonlight Chicken (2023) (tag here) 41) Bed Friend (2023) (tag here) (Cheewin’s latest show, depicting a queer joy journey among working adults) 42) Be My Favorite (2023) (tag here) (I’m including this for BMF’s sophisticated commentary on Krist’s career past as a BL icon) 43) Only Friends (2023)]

[flaresanimedump]

Ok so. I was gonna make a post that Ranpo technically didn't go to school. So I went to look at the Origins novel and I checked the raw because of all the omissions in the TL (Ranpo was kicked out of the police academy 6 months before the start of the plot not "less than a year ago" it's very explicitly 半年 "half year"). And uh. Well so on that topic they kicked him out when he was 13, but a police academy isn't considered a real school in Japan so while his education in Japanese language continued he didn't have the core subjects from the age of 12 on. But also.

The English line when Ranpo talks about the school is: "The rules were a pain in the ass. Don’t leave the dorm after curfew, no buying sweets, wear these clothes, follow these rules. And the classes bored me to death."

These are all relatively common restrictions for Japanese schools (snacking is only prohibited at stricter ones), though a couple of wording things stood out. One, the "pain in the ass" rules is 規則 (actually rules) and "follow these rules" is 規律 - ominously "discipline" (this line being more like "not to mention X, Y, Z, Z being the discipline). "Discipline" isn't "punishment," it just has a strictness vibe, but it's a creepy thing to say imo. I hear this and think Trunchbull from Matilda.

So I went to check out the Wikipedia page on "Police Academies" and I see "脱走及び逃走の防止" - "escape and escape prevention" which is an immediate red flag for any live-in institution. "Escape" could also be translated as "desertion" but what followed was a short paragraph saying "there's no barbed wire like a prison but coming and going is strictly controlled" so I'm going with "escape." Ranpo attended something like those kiddie marine bootcamps that were all the rage in the 2000s. I don't know about anybody else but growing up nondivergent camps like that were my absolute worst nightmare.

So I'm already Distressed at the thought of this - but thing about "no buying sweets" is it's age-focused. "No buying sweets" is like "no snacking" but it's specifically "[a child] buying and eating sweets [while away from home thus spoiling their appetite]." This is against the rules because "they should eat food prepared by their parents" and the,,, incredibly sad irony isn't lost on me there even though the academy was feeding him. Which begs the question: can you really train a 12 year old to become a detective?

So I went to the Japanese National Police Agency website because I wasn't sure what the age range for attendance at these schools was. And I found it.

Eighteen to thirty.

Ranpo lasted eighteen months in a military academy for eighteen to thirty year olds until they kicked him out.

*I'm not going to claim this is all 100% right since Japanese prefectures set the lower age limit at 18, which could mean Asagiri was just makin' shit up or there's some lesser-known police middle school that calls itself the exact same thing as the one for adults. You're only supposed to stay at them for 10 months so there's already some other suspect things here. But I think it's pretty on-brand for Ranpo to think college-level classes are boring. Also his dad was connected to the principal so he could probably bend the rules a little to get Ranpo admitted.

UPDATE: 10/4/24

So on the rewatch of the anime I noticed they did include a picture of the school behind Ranpo:

And unless slenderman was one of his classmates I assume they meant to imply that the school was, in fact, an actual middle school. This isn't clear in the books though so I'm not sure how canon I feel it is, especially when this is the memory right before:

And this is the one before that:

So in the anime there's an actual boy detective school, which could?? be a sort of reference to author Edogawa Rampo's Boy Detectives Club, though that was a club and not a full school. I feel it makes more sense that he'd been stuck almost entirely around adults after his parents died since that's his main focus throughout his story - if he'd been stuck around other kids for 1.5 years, why not say everyone is nuts? But anyway, at least in the anime it's a regular school.

[fifteensjukebox]

tagged by @amidalleia tysm!!💖

last song: winning by emily haines & the soft skeleton has been in my head and i have whatever a photographic memory but for music is called so i think it counts. i was trying to figure out the change in timing starting about a minute into the song and my memory wasn't good enough to figure it out, and i think the last song i actually listened to was wet blanket by metric (emily's band) in the car yesterday. what can i say i love her! (the update is that I tossed this post into my drafts earlier and i have now actually listened to winning and almost figured out what she's doing but i'll have to discuss with my music theory-knowing brother)

favourite color: turquoise/mint/teal/sage/cool amethysty purples/the denim blue VW car colour (my beloved first car was a vw beetle we called lulu so that colour is now lulu blue in my house à la dodie yellow)

currently watching/reading:

rewatching btvs and angel mid s4/s1 respectively while showing it to my mom and brother for the first time! it's taking ages but we're having the best time

gilmore girls - (late mid s3) first watch w my parents! there's so much i know from here and so much i don't but i know i love jess

grey's anatomy - watched s1-17 with my family a few years ago (begrudgingly at first bc i so did not want to watch a medical show. and sooo long! but it really is that good (sometimes)) & have been watching weekly as it airs since, but we just caught up on the first bit of the current season yesterday bc i didn't realize it was back. and i love the new class of interns so much we are SO BACK

not dead yet - the only show i'm currently watching by myself week to week as it airs and of course my favorite character is the white man i hate it here... i do love the women too though!!

doctor who 12th doctor rewatch but i stopped like a month ago in the middle of the episode before the cybermen plot starts bc it's just going to break my heart to lose bill for a third time. but i miss them! missy most of all so i will get to it soon

i'm not really reading anything at the moment but i have a couple audiobooks on hold at the library (yeah this is jenny's answer exactly but it applies!)

relationship status: single and i don't go out enough so i doubt it'll change anytime soon

sweet/savory/spicy: i want to say sweet bc i loooove sugar but i add salt to everything lately, i even added it to a rice krispie square the other day, so....

current obsessions:

also still nancy drew forever and always, but honestly i don't have a fandom hyperfixation atm! it's all about furniture shopping.... i'm looking for a small chair/stool for my bedroom desk, and a bigger table to go with my living room big chair so i can have my laptop/food/whatever else i want bc i seem to spend most of my time here

and emily haines/metric music (lately i haven't been listening to much me after 2007, but i love the more recent stuff just as much!

last thing you googled: something about the st vincent rock&roll hall of fame exhibit bc i'd seen a clip about it on someones story but i couldn't find the full video (still haven't)

no-pressure tags: @redheadedbrunette @apolloamy @godofsmallthings @jemhowling @acafemmeic @electrictouchfeaturingfalloutboy @coldnightairinmylungs & anyone else who wants to! i love these sm

[asexual-spongebob]

The Waves That Lap The Shore - Chapter 30 - Closing Time

Notes:

I can’t believe this fanfic is actually coming to an end- it feels like just yesterday this was just a concept. Just a thought. Just an idea. Just a drawing. But now here I am, many months later. Posting the last chapter… But don’t worry! Our beloved fish dudes aren’t going to be completely gone after this! I have a feeling I’m still going to think about this AU quite a bit. Who knows, maybe in the future I’ll post some one shots of them. And I know for a fact I’ll probably still make animations or pmvs with them most likely. I have actually made some pmvs of this au already if you’d like to watch them For yourself:) https://m.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLW7sHfzMCSsxyuwvZ9RvFfwjukOMHv1_3

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Hey it’s Shellington! It’s been many years since the “Kwazii was bitten by a cobra”  incident. I still can’t believe that was 11 years ago! 

I’m thankful that he survived!

Now Kwazii’s the captain of the Octopod, Barnacles retired a few years ago and now lives up in the Arctic near Pearl and Bianca. 

Inkling is still here, somehow. Koshi helps ink out in the library. 

Me and Peso are happily married and have been for almost ten years! Our anniversary is coming up. 

Kwazii and Paani and Dashi and Tweak also got married many years ago. 

After the “Kwazii was bitten by cobra” incident Kwazii and Paani found a newborn kitten (which they named Kai, as it means ocean or sea in several languages.) and took her in. Kai is 11 years old and they are quite intelligent, they like watching me do my experiments. 

Me and Peso also have a child  as well, their name is Lucia and they are almost 11 years old, she’s an albino sea otter and I saved her from being eaten by a predator. 

Periwinkle is now in college and is majoring in Marine Biology, we still talk quite often. 

We look back fondly (or… not so fondly) on our adventures (and misadventures) together. 

Like that time Peso got moonstruck and through that party, or our crazy times in the Amazon! Or the time Paani forced us all to watch (or in me and Dashi’s case, rewatch) Invader Zim. We all became fixated in the process-

Anyway. Thanks for reading our story :) 

~ Shellington Sea Otter.

Notes:

Holy shit that was a wild ride. I just want to thank everyone for reading this fic, leaving a comment, leaving kudos, likes or upvoting, it really means the world to me. I genuinely didn’t think so many people would want to read this kind of fic, but boy was I mistaken. I’m honestly very proud of this, this is the first ever long fic I actually finished and didn’t abandon. How I even thought of this AU was I saw my dear friend, Midori’s Octonauts Mermaid AU “Reclaimed By Nature” (which by the way, is a very good fanfic, I’d definitely recommend giving it a read! Especially if you’re a fan of Kwazton and Pearlanca! You can read it here: https://reclaimed-by-nature.carrd.co/) And I thought that was pretty neat. So I wondered to myself “huh… what if I made a H2O x Octonauts AU?” So I started to think of concepts. I had a couple in mind, one of the first being that Shellington would keep the secret much longer (he didn’t even tell Peso for awhile, which he would’ve felt very guilty about) and that he would’ve been very stressed about keeping it hidden from everyone. (Which, was inspired by a merman Lewis h2o AU fic I read, called H2O: A New Tail) Another one I had was basically the same as the first, but Peso would’ve found out sooner, as he would’ve gone after Shellington after got splashed while they were cleaning the beach, and he would’ve found him in the kelp forest. Shell would’ve tried to tell him that it was just a costume but Peso wouldn’t have really bought that so he would’ve told Peso the truth and Peso would’ve been like “it’s okay I still love you :) <3” One of the things I originally planned for this fic was that it’d be short, around 12 or 13 chapters, and that It’d just be about the lives and times of Peso and Shellington after Shellington became a merman. But now here we are, many chapters and scrapped concepts later- I actually even have an AU of this AU, it’s basically where I put all my scrapped concepts (one of the being that Paani was always a merm, I even wrote a short one shot about it, which I’ll probably post sometime soon) I named it “The Sight”. I originally planned for this fic to have 40 chapters, but I realized that many of them were unnecessary, so I scrapped most of them, other then my concept for chapter 35, which I kept and incorporated into chapter 29. Also I might make a story about Kai and Lucia??? If y’all really want that… It’s probably not gonna be anything big, just one shots or something but I mean maybe? If that’s what y’all want? Like I’d be happy to write a short fics on their origin story’s. After this fic, I might write a fic for another Octonauts AU I came up with that ive nicknamed “Invader Kwazii”. It’s an Invader Zim x Octonauts AU where Kwazii is sent to conquer Earth by The Tallest (who are Barnacles and Inkling) because they think he’s worthy of it. And it’s basically the plot of Invader Zim after that, there’s a few differences (like how it takes place in high school) tho, but other then it’s very similar to the plot. It also has Kwazini. It’s a little passion project for me, not to mention I’ve got plenty of ideas of how I want it to go. Another AU of mine I’ve been thinking about writing is my “Vampire Kwazton AU” it’s basically a AU where Shellington is a vampire and it takes place during the early 1990s when Grunge music was the big thing. It’s still a w.i.p but that might be a fic I write in the future, if I do I might just be a ficlet collection or something of the sort. Another fic I have I in mind is for my “Shellinoir” AU. Which will probably be a series of one shots. I came up with it after watching the SpongeBob episode “Squid Noir” which is where I got the title. It’ll likely be just a series of one shots. I also am currently pre writing an Invader Zim AU fanfic, it’s an AU where Dib and Gaz are sirens. I’ve currently got some chapters of it already written, however I want to finish it before I post it. I feel like this fic has taught me a lot and I’m glad.

[olivieraa]

I went to bed really upset last night

I think there was a variety of factors that made me into a bit of an emotional mess after finishing attack on titan

Its like "its just an anime" or "its just a show"

Firstly, it was the anime/show that's been in my life the longest. 2013-2023. I associate a lot of my tumblr posts with the show. I called any character Kaji Yuki voiced in any other anime 'Eren' for fun. My time watching the first season is so vivid to me. I remember so much about analysing this show, and talking about it with friends.

Secondly, due to my OCD, the O stands for obsessive, and that connects to a lot of things, but its extremely hard to get me out of my Obsessive mode. I actually planned to make this rewatch last a couple of months. I was like "ah yeah Ive seen season 1 three or four times so its not gonna be that entertaining watching it again, I'll try watch a few a day". ...That didn't happen. I dont know why or how, but season 1 felt v different to me. I still got chills, I still got shocked when something happened, I would finish an ep and have the urge to scream from the adrenaline that went through me when something intense happened before a cliffhanger, almost as if I didnt know what was gonna happen next.

The reason I put off watching the show immediately after it ended is bc I'm aware this happens to me and its hard to get out of it. In my head I thought my obsessive nature wouldn't come around until I got to season 3 which I hadn't seen before and I thought I'd get to season 3 by mid-January. But from the absolute get-go, it kicked in, and from 7pm on the 21st of Dec to 4am on 26th of Dec, I binged the absolute fuck out of the show, taking breaks to do essential things like eat and shower. I barely slept.

So needless to say, I've only just come back to reality.

Third, I'm emotional af. Stories impact me on a really high scale, and I start to get stomach aches and chest pains bc of it. Esp if the story is magnificent. I finished that show last night and when I saw "The end", I was still crying, I hurt all over, and I just happened to be lucky that a friend who has seen it (and shockingly, doesn't watch anime) replied back to me and we talked about for a little bit. It helped to rant it out a bit but my sleep deprivation caused me to make so many typos and I officially had to sleep, which was hard, due to the chest pains.

And fourth, I believe what I just watched was perfection. To ever rewatch the show again, I'll see everything differently. Everything. The first 5 seconds of the show will be different. And when I'd had that realisation, I started crying again.

Like, I'm thinking of moments in the show that are literally just "characters swinging around and slashing titans" which is what the show was first known for, and now I'll be thinking "holy shit, these scenes have a bigger significance than you realise".

And for a show that's not about romance, the romantic tragedy that ties it all together, is what got me more than anything.

If this show gave off a vibe that the creator never knew where he was going with it, then I dont think it would be as impactful. As someone who loves Stranger Things, not everything ties up perfectly. And maybe the creators had an idea of their ending and then had to figure out how to get there, but it doesn't show. I've a feeling that by the end of that show, I'll be thinking that they ran through different drafts for their ending and finally settled on one and brought back a few tiny moments from the other seasons that ties it in and boom, done.

But almost every moment of attack on titan comes full circle, to the extreme point that I believe he wrote this whole thing out, almost every millimetre of it, and then released it at a specific pace up until recent years, and then obviously the anime adapted it. Yes he could have made slight changes along the way like "I originally wanted this character to say this line but changed it to this character cause it was more fitting" or something like that, but nothing that would really change anything about the direction he was heading with it.

Do I regret binging it? Yes, bc I have loads to do that I now have get stuck into with v little breaks (SnK was SUPPOSED to be my breaks), but also, mainly, bc I felt like I was there. Like when you're away from home for a month and you come back and everything feels weird and sorta wrong. So that's a learning lesson to myself. Never binge again.

Last time I did that was with Succession, but I'm just lucky that Obsessive mode kicked in about 20 eps in (so the first 20 I watched one a day), and so when Obsessive mode came in, it was for the second set of 20 episodes).

Unlike SnK where I watched almost 100 eps in 5 days :')))

Anway, I'll be thinking about this fucking show for a while, especially Eren. Especially Eren. He's just too complex, and I like to analyse, and that's some long analysation.

Also Mikasa and Levi impacted me too (Hange is my girl tho).

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, I'm glad I wrote this out. My thoughts are going through my head way too fast for my typing to keep up so I've had to slow down my thoughts and so my breathing is a little better this time around lmao

I'ma miss this show, and I look forward to the day I rewatch it and take every speckle of the show in again. Knowing my ass, it'll be on my next break which is sooner than I'd like it to be, cause I know what my addictive obsessive ass is like. Ugh, I'm a wreck

[minitwin]

Dramas 2022 post

Time for the annual drama post. haha I think I massively slowed down this year because I couldn't make myself stick with dramas until the end. I think only 5 of these were in september or later? Comparing to last year it looks like K/J dramas stayed about the same but the number of chinese dramas dropped drastically. It's funny to look at 2019 where I thought 15 was slowing down and said things like "I’ve only watched 5 Korean dramas that aired this year which seems so small to me now" half way through the year. *stares at my 7 for the year*

I'm so confused about where my time went but I guess it went to traveling and work? I'm hoping that in the next couple months I can find the gems that I somehow missed this year.

Looking back on the comments that I made about what I was watching and the future, Our Beloved Summer was great and stayed good but I found them so frustrating I don't know if there's any rewatch value. Delicious Romance I loved all of them but the male leads were so crappy that I couldn't take it.

Total dramas: 24 Korean: 7 Chinese: 9 Japanese: 6

I think the dramas that are going to have made the biggest impression on me this year are Reset, Business Proposal and She and Her Perfect Husband (honorable mention to Sh**ting Stars) for a ton of different reasons.

Reset was so fun because I watched it with friends and we would pause to analyze flames and try to get ahead of where they were in the story. The cast was great everything was so well done that I've recommended it to basically anyone that has asked.

Business Proposal was almost a parody but Sejeong and Ahn Hyo Seob but their whole heart into it and it really showed. I've honestly already rewatched it twice lmao.

Finally She and Her Perfect Husband was my light shining at the end of the tunnel for cute modern Chinese dramas this year after all of the ones I could actually finish either had a smart female leads who had turned off their brains or an a**hole for a ML. When it got delayed I was so upset I didn't know what to do with myself QQ. I think the plot got too messy and the second leads were ridiculous but I love the main couple and Li Dai <3 <3

I didn't watch that many movies but of them "And so the Baton was Passed" really got me. I loved how they played with the timeline and all of her parents were so sweet. The romance part of it is pretty meh but I don't think it reduced the quality for me.

There wasn't really a Japanese drama this year that stood out to me above the rest (haven't watched Silent yet so maybe I'm just missing out) but everything I watched was really cute with a lot of heart and made my days better. Kono Hatsukoi wa Fiction desu is probably on the more garbage end plotwise but the kids are soooo cute. i've followed them all on instagram so there's no going back for me.

Time for this blog to go inactive again until next year :) (unless twitter actually dies)

List of dramas that I watched below the keep reading

Kieta Hatsukoi (J)

Tsumari Suki tte iitai n Dakedo (J)

Our Beloved Summer (K)

Kono Hatsukoi wa Fiction desu (J)

Why Women Love (C)

Reset (C)

Dine With Love (C)

Cherry Magic (J)

Business Proposal (K)

Kamisama no Ekohiiki (J)

Master of my own (C)

The Oath of Love (C)

The Sound of Magic (K)

Sh**ting stars (K)

Binary Love (C)

Night of Love With You (C)

Nice Flight (J)

Semantic Error (K)

Let’s Meet Now (C)

Once Upon a Small Town (K)

Fukou-kun wa kiss suru shikanai (J)

She and Her Perfect Husband (C)

The Fabulous (K)

Movies:

Listen to the Universe (J)

Sora Ni Sumu (J)

Living in Your Sky (J)

And so the Baton was Passed (J)

I’m Underaged but I’m not a child (J)

[liskantope]

I finally got to the end of Better Call Saul a couple of weeks ago, dragging it out so that I only watched one episode a day and inserted a one-episode-a-day rewatching the entirety of Breaking Bad in-between the 9th and 10th episodes of the last season of BCS. So I've arrived a little late to this party, but here are a few scattered thoughts.

[Major spoilers for the ending of the series under the cut.]

For the most part, people around me were pretty good about not spoiling much about the ending even though I didn't announce to anyone that I was drawing out my watching until months after the final episode actually came out (it helps that, while a very popular show, BCS isn't quite at the level of Game of Thrones about which everyone had to post some kind of vague reaction on Facebook after each episode.) I did see someone on Tumblr write "poor Jimmy" and saw a few YouTube videos pop up which were discussions of the BCS ending and which showed the main character standing behind bars, so I had an idea that things weren't going to go well for Jimmy/Saul/Gene, that he was about to get his comeuppance and almost certainly wind up in prison. This hadn't fully occurred to me as an ending for Jimmy but at the same time somehow didn't actually feel like a major spoiler or a huge shock. The Breaking Bad finale was widely praised (and occasionally criticized) for leaving each character exactly in the place it felt like they were meant to be, and I knew that if BCS reprised this trend, well, prison (as opposed to death, or further sunk into a life of crime) is pretty obviously exactly where Jimmy/Saul belongs.

There's something that felt a little underwhelming for me about the last four episodes of BCS, taking place in the post- Breaking Bad black-and-white timeline, a sort of new simplicity to the story and a restriction in the creative possibilities for how everything would be wrapped up. This is understandable given that Howard is now gone, and between S6E9 and S6E10 of BCS, most of the interesting characters (including Mike, Gus, and the remaining Salamancas) meet their fates, and we're left really with only Kim as a character in Gene's life (or actually, no longer in it until he eventually manages to draw her back). I'm not sure what more the writers could have done; I certainly don't have any better idea. But something about the final part of the story pales in comparison to the intricate and meticulously-crafted ending for Walter White and the complex array of characters around him.

The ending of Jimmy's character arc can be summarized as follows: anti-hero gets in major trouble one final time; anti-hero displays the amazing powers that made him so enjoyable to watch, enabling him to come out victorious (i.e. Saul uses his arguing power to get his sentence down to 7.5 years); anti-hero redeems himself by surrendering anyway. This is satisfying in terms of watching Jimmy wind up where we want him to end up, but less so in terms of keeping us at the edge of our seats watching a less trodden-on path unfold for our anti-hero. I'll just say that it feels like this type of path has been done quite a bit before, although the only example that comes to mind right now is Luke Skywalker, hardly even an anti-hero, showing us that he's attained enough skill with the Force to defeat Darth Vader in battle but then giving himself up to the mercy of Vader and the Emperor -- we get to have our cake and eat it too, by seeing Luke demonstrate being a total badass but then morally rising above it so that the good in him ultimately triumphs.

In the case of Jimmy, I found it slightly predictable (I knew something was up as soon as he declared that he had something much juicier to testify to about Howard Hamlin's death, and I guessed that maybe somehow he was setting things up to flip things around by redeeming himself), and I wish there had been some kind of bigger, cleverer, more elaborate set-up where we might have a concrete idea of Jimmy being up to something even more evil to get himself out of even the reduced sentence, only to find that we the audience were tricked. It also came across, in some aspects of the dialog, that Jimmy was confessing mainly just to impress Kim, or to get her back in his life and on his side, which doesn't feel quite like true redemption (although shouldn't having good people in our life and on our side be something each of us value highly as part of a virtuous life? One can still argue that).

My biggest criticism of the last season has to do with Jimmy's final transformation into Saul just before the old timeline breaks and the Breaking Bad timeline begins: in Episode 9, I just really didn't like how abruptly we switched from Jimmy/Saul pleading with Kim not to break up with him to full-on-Saul in full Saul mode. It felt like one moment he's protesting that Kim shouldn't break up with him and then next moment he's paying a hooker. I wanted to watch that final stage of the transformation happen -- Kim was the main thing tying Jimmy to humanity, the face of the best side of Jimmy's character, and it was more or less literally stated (in the Season 5 desert sequence) that she was the only thing he lived for. So we should have gotten to see how utterly broken Jimmy must have been with her gone and exactly how this led him slipping down a path to becoming completely heartless and soulless later on. Instead we cut straight from very-corrupted-but-still-basically-human-and-a-protagonist Jimmy to completely-empty-and-unlikable Saul with literally nothing given to us in between, leaving me to have to speculate on what Jimmy went through in the wake of the break-up and to infer what made him go from man to zombie.

This bothered me a lot after watching Episode 9 and, months later when I went back and watched the final four episodes, I was glad to see that this was very briefly addressed by Jimmy's confession in the final episode: "I'm the one who ran away", although I needed to see that scene a second time to understand in this line he was referring to his choice to sink blindly into his Saul persona at the end of Episode 9. Vince Gilligan also explained it very well at this point in this linked interview. But I think we should have gotten to see it for ourselves, to acutely feel his pain and emptiness. It's arguably the single most important, pivotal point in his transformation, even more significant than losing his brother, and I still hate that it was completely skipped over.

Another minor point: when a fictional character has a change of heart, I'm used to being able to directly see the moment when this change occurs; maybe I missed something and just need to re-watch, but in the finale of BCS I'm just not clear on when this happens (is it when Jimmy/Saul is on the plane, between the two conversations with his lawyer about Kim and Howard?).

But, while I can criticize as much as I like, it was still a great ending to a great show. I don't think I'll ever quite fall into the "Breaking Bad was the best TV show ever made, but Better Call Saul turned out to be even better!" camp, but BCS sure did manage to hold its own.

[sassyandclassy94]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @fictional-at-heart (can always count on sisters to tag you in fun things!)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Sixteen

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

109,759

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Once Upon a Time (SwanFire specifically), Masters of the Air, and The Boys in the Boat (I’d love to write for How to Train Your Dragon and Little House on the Prairie but alas! The Plot Idea Farm has been dry for years)

4. Top five fics by kudos?

Secrets, Lies, and Blessings - 42

Tell Me You Didn’t… - 28

What’s In a Name? - 25

Words of Comfort - 25 (Oo, we’ve got a dead heat!)

I’m Not Much of a Talker - 23

Princess Kidnapped! - 20 (this one I still plan to finish but it’s DARK.)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes! It takes me a long while sometimes but I do! I want my readers to feel comfortable giving feedback

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angriest ending?

Oh, “A Hero’s Sacrifice” for sure!!! I wrote Graham’s death to fit my medieval AU and… it’s one I’m really proud of and really politely urge you to read👉🏻👈🏻🥹 I cried writing it (I also researched a lot for it… like what happens when you bleed out from the stomach👀 Someone said writing a battle scene is like writing a sex scene and… she was right. Or he, whatever.)

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably “Secrets, Lies, and Blessings”. I mean, Bae and Emma get married at the end and what gets happier than that?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Yes. I wrote (am writing) a Don x OFC fic and someone invaded my ask box a couple months ago calling it a ‘boring het fic’ with a ‘dime a dozen OFC’. Behind the gray face too of course. Screw you, Nonny. I’m still writing it, and my all time favorite Don x OFC author commented lovely words on it too so😁

I feel like I also had someone come after me once for Princess Kidnapped because it’s anti Hook. Yeah well I gave you plenty of warning in the tags; it’s your own darn fault you didn’t read them, chickie.

9. Do you write smut?

Some. But as a rule of thumb I try to keep it extremely tasteful with zero uses of gross/rude words. I posted two SwanFire ones (one’s restricted) and I’m working on one about Don and Kate (my OFC)

10. Craziest crossover?

I haven’t written a crossover. But if I did? Hmmm… maybe SwanFire and hiccup/astrid?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope! Thank goodness.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Actually, yes; there was a German girl who liked my fic so much she asked to translate it on Wattpad. Don’t know if it’s still there though.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. I almost did, but we lost touch and I didn’t agree with writing fanfics about ice dancers…🥴

14. All time favorite ship

I think you all know that👀 Emma Swan and Neal ‘Baelfire’ Cassidy from Once Upon a Time

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Well I thought that was going to be Secrets Lies and Blessings but last week I had a crazy random spurt of inspiration… lately I feel like it’s gonna be Princess Kidnapped… it just has to get so… dark before it gets better and I don’t don’t know if I want to put my mind in a place like that (I mean, Hook is told he can do whatever he wants to Emma as long as he keeps her alive🥺 and then the eventual execution I have planned for the end is gonna be… graphic. So yeah. We’ll see if I ever finish that one.)

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue and emotional angst. I really enjoy writing heated arguments. CC Emma and Charming

17. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

No. Just, no.

18. First fandom you wrote in?

Once Upon a Time. I read an awesome SwanFire fic after a rewatch in 2018 and she inspired me to give it a try and I never stopped.

19. Favorite fic you’ve written?

A Hero’s Sacrifice

About to Throw Hands - This one was my first ever request and only fic written with a deadline in mind. My friend Rachael mentioned she was craving a reader fic where Bobby defends the female reader. Lo and behold I have it a try and voila! It turned out better than I expected and she loved it!! A double win!!

There is no 20 - it should be called 19 questions😆

Tags: (let’s see if I can think of all the writers in my notes…) @eviebelieve-y @selkiesstories @strangethings-everywhere @swanfireprincessmydear @okieedokes DARN YOU, MICHAIAH!!!! I CANT TAG YOU AND I CANT THINK OF ANYONE ELSE😡 there are two SwanFire writers who I remember buy can’t remember the correct usernames😕 HELP. Any other writer who sees this (especially my SwanFire writers, please consider yourself tagged by me if you want to do it! You can even say I tagged you!!)

[misqnon]

hi, i just read all of ur posts tagged as misqnon's one piece liveblogging and it was so much fun T-T. im here to rant about one piece and im sorry.

i really love seeing people react to content i am caught up with and hold close to my heart.

i got into the 800s in the anime and stopped watching, took a break and then read the manga up to around 1060. but last month i decided to read the whole thing from the beginning and it is genuinely SO WORTH IT.

after u have caught up completely its super rewarding to go back and look at previous chapters bc its constant "oh my god look what was foreshadowed here??" and "now i understand the context behind this!!!" and "this interaction is so much more meaningful now that i know their relationship!!". yes it did take me a whole month of nearly nonstop reading to catch back up but i have 0 regrets.

wano and the arc after it are both super fun and interesting and i think ur gonna love it. the lore is crazy. i hope u dont see any spoilers bc going into it completely blind will probably be way more exciting, especially with the most recent arc since its kinda suspenseful and mysterious,,.

anyways thats all i have to say how do you end these things.. take care!!

AAAAA ANON THIS IS SUCH A FUN MESSAGE TO RECIEVE THANK YOU...

I ended up talking a lot so I'll put this under a cut lol

I used to be the person who said I would never watch one piece 😭😭 I've been into anime since I was like 12 and I'm almost 24 now (fuck . That's like half my life) and obviously it's always been on my radar but I always thought it was 1. Too popular 2. Too Long 3. Hated how oda draws women lmao so I was fine ignoring it and only knowing the basics from just Being On The Internet

I think sometime early on I caved and attempted to watch it- I got to alabasta and stopped bc the anime pacing wasn't doing it for me (though I liked it up until then, but didn't LOVE it)

cut to high-school where a couple of my good friends liked it but we never really talked about it, it was a lifelong interest for one of them bc he'd started reading it on like 4th grade

Well I'm still friends with them (shoutout to sam and seb) and they convinced me to watch one piece film red with them in like July or August of last year bc they were showing me the songs and I, ado fan bc I'm a retired weaboo and a vocaloid Stan, was like "haha that sounds like ado" and they went "IT IS!!!!??" so I had to watch it for her.

again, I was like oh this is fun I like this :^) but no IMMEDIATE interest, more of a passive thing... until the live action came out a month or so later and I watched it just because and DAMN I FELL IN LOVE FAST

I went back to the anime and rewatched the beginning, then skipped back to alabasta where I had left off years and years ago and now I'm Here 🧍

I watched up through part of dressrosa before I started reading the manga, and now I'm doing that while watching certain episodes of just the parts I really wanna see animated

It's been. So Fun

I am now that person who's like Hey You Should Watch One Piece. I get it now. I so get it lmao. And you know the weirdest part is that with it being divided up into arcs like it is I find myself thinking it really doesn't feel that long!?!? Am I insane,

anyways. It's been a while since I was in an active fandom or even in a fandom at all - ESPECIALLY such a big one!?! (I was in college for 4 years and Busy).

but it's. Crazy. I'm writing fanfics and joining discord servers and I've never done that before. it's been very fun and rewarding tbh...I don't like a lot of things about oda and aspects he included and ofc one piece isn't perfect or unproblematic but it IS a really awesome epic of a story about friendship and found family and anti authority and its just.

I'm also a person who's always loved reaction videos or just even seeing otherppl react to things I like so I RELATE AND IM SO GLAD I CAN BE THAT FOR U...

I'm ngl as I've been reading I've been wanting to look up some old one piece forums dated the time certain reveals happened bc I want to see how people felt as this shit came out holy Shit....

it's additionally funny bc this blog is about 10 years old and has amassed a decent amount of followers over the years who were just into some of the other random stuff I've been into but I know a fair amount of them were thinking we were on the same page of not being into one piece and now here I am. Ruining that. And with the pervert character as my favorite no less. lmao SORRYYYY YALL <3

I'll leave u with this message I sent into the discord I share with some friends the other day, none of which really watch op, when asked to explain something about the show. In fact, I think the reasoning for this message was BECAUSE I was explaining to a friend just how much oda foreshadows things!! jinbei, kaido, haki, sanjis backstory, ALL being mentioned by name or referenced DECADES/YEARS BEFORE APPEARING ON SCREEN...HUNDREDS OF CHAPTERS APART....I could rant on more but I'll stop for now.

thank u for the message and feel free to dm me to talk about this silly show anytime bc its sunken its claws into me 😭

[madisonrooney]

i saw rent again in august (and rewatched the proshot last week), i saw on your feet again tonight, and im seeing aint too proud tomorrow, so i think after that might be a good time to reevaluate my musical top 10.

there are no new contenders but the problem is my 3-6 are so close and i just really dont know how i want to order them.

like #1 isnt changing. that goes without saying. that goes without saying that it goes without saying. (i dont even need to name it i dont think)

#2 is mamma mia and thats not changing either. tho i havent seen it in a couple years, i read that super long vogue article about it last month and it just reinvigorated my love for the show for the umpteenth time. im seeing it again next month and im sure thatll just solidify it more.

3-6, in order, are bronx tale, on your feet, aint too proud, and rent. bronx tale i saw again last year and i rewatched the movie in august so its fresh enough in my mind. i love them all on roughly the same level so i just dont know what to do. on your feet and aint too proud flip flop bc they have similar premises. i feel like i was more...vocally annoying about aint too proud lol but idk something about on your feet feels more personal. i learned a ton about gloria, emilio, and their family after seeing the show and theyre just very down to earth on social media, and i even saw emily estefan in person about a month after i first saw the show so something about it is very tangible. but aint too proud is super close bc its the era i love and its even more similar to jersey boys (damn you des mcanuff). itll be interesting to see how seeing them back to back effects my opinions if at all.

rent is the outlier tho. its the main reason im even thinking about doing this. brainrot for that show has been coming and going for almost 5 years and every time it hits, it hits hard. with the production i saw in august, rewatching the proshot, and seeing anthony rapp in concert this week, it hasnt been off my mind in a while. im thinking it could move as far up as #3, but im just not sure. on one hand, theres so much more content for it, but that also isnt really fair to the other shows since they havent been around for nearly as long. plus, it having been around for so long and having been such a massive hit, it becomes less personal to me. but that hasnt been all that much of a problem to me, probably bc the "hype" was over long before i even got into it. its far from an obscure favorite to have, but its not like hamilton or wicked or something if you ask me. the other three tho are much more niche to have as favs. plus its just so different from them!! with on your feet freshest in my mind, im trying to compare them rn and its just so hard to!!

anyway as most of my posts like this are this is mostly for personal record and just to let out a stream of consciousness but. if you care there you go. well see how i feel after tomorrow.

[tippenfunkaport]

Long ass author's notes under the jump because it's my post and I do what I want...

Whew! And that's a wrap on Going There at 141,587 words!

So this is my longest fanfic to date and the one that took the longest because of all the rewrites so indulge me for a moment. 

While I didn't start posting this until Dec of 2020, I started writing it about two months after the Season 5 finale ended so this has been just under four years in the making for me. The Season 5 finale of She-Ra dropped May 15th, 2020 but I watching it with my kiddo so it took us several weeks to actually get through it all between school and life. But while I had an absolutely amazing experience watching this show with her from Day One and wouldn’t change it for the world, small children are not the ideal viewing companion if you actually want to pay attention to, say, dialog and it made for a distracted viewing experience. It was easily a month plus later when I actually had the time to re-watch the entire show myself and properly pay attention. This rewatch coupled with listening to ND Stevenson's character playlists and generally spending far too much time thinking about these characters than is normal or healthy while coping with a global pandemic catapulted me fully into obsession town. 

Getting Warmer wasn't just my first SPOP fanfic, it was the first fanfic I'd posted ever. As I’ve mentioned before, I wrote it because I was in a writing workshop at the time and needed something to share with the class and didn’t have anything original in progress atm. (I started lockdown super burned out and my plan during the pandemic was to take a break from writing entirely while my job was COVID-ed. This somehow backfired spectacularly and instead I wrote 2 million words of fanfic in under a year but that’s another story.)  Almost immediately after posting Getting Warmer, I started thinking about writing more missing scene fics set during season 5, my list gradually increasing until I realized at this point I might as well accept that I was apparently writing the fabled longfic. 

Going There had two big metamorphosis moments as I was writing it which added to why it took me so long to post. The first was that I had already written a good chunk of it when the fandom found ND's fic, Don't Go, which threw me into something of a narrative tailspin as it ruined the continuity of what I'd been writing. After some hemming and hawing, I decided it was worth it to go back and rewrite everything to accommodate the new timeline that this new bit of canon gave me. 

The second big shift was that this story originally started with the gang taking off from Etheria (hence why it was called Going There), but at this point I had written the scene with Bow finding the notes (which I had planned to just post as a one-shot) and sort of regretted that Shells wasn’t part of it which led to the realization that... you know what? I might as well just do the whole dang season, let's go. 

So, hilariously, this last section when they were on Etheria was finished first, then the space stuff that I had to rewrite was written next, and the very first section when they were on Etheria I wrote last. Which is completely backwards but just the hilarious way writing works sometimes. 

Honestly, everything about how I wrote this was “wrong” (which I  kind of needed to do during my lockdown breakdown to remind me why I write the way I do) in the sense of proper writing process which is another big reason for the stop and start in posting BUT that was a weird kind of blessing in disguise because now whenever I go back to an really disastrous draft that I did a poor job of planning first, I find myself saying, “Oh well! It’s going to suck, but this’ll be just like rewriting Going There!” Which maybe doesn’t sound helpful but one of of the biggest things with writing is everything is easier when you know you’ve pulled off something similar before. 

(Unfortunately, I also wrote Horse Girl Everyone the same way I wrote Going There which was very bad of me and Past Tippen needs a stern talking to because now Present Tippen has a mess to deal with. There is such a fine line between “haha, it’s only fanfic so I don’t have to care wooooo” and “oh damn it now I just made more work for myself by not caring” and I always seem to be on the wrong side of it.) 

Someday, I would like to start a similar "one-shot collection that can be read continuously," post-war canonverse fic of the Best Friend Squad navigating peacetime and their new relationships (it’ll include everyone but mostly focus on Catradora and Glimbow so I'm calling it Squad Goals), but that will have to wait until I get some of my other WIPs finished. Though I will say that Going There has a direct sequel which is already in progress (What can I say? I got impatient!) called Coming Home that is already over 40k long and barely halfway done so there's plenty to catch up on in the meantime. 

Plus all my canonverse fics are in continuity with each other so any of my post-war fics function as sequels to this (just keep in mind that most of my fics are private right now because of AI scraping so you'll need to log into to see most of them).  

I said in the notes that I would eventually like to be completely self-indulgent go back and do a full live re-read of the entire fic as kind of a director’s commentary track so keep an eye out for that in this space at some point in the future. 

What’s next? Well, in the most immediate, in about a week you’ll be getting 7 brand new fics for me for Glimbow Week, one of which is a multi-chapter I wrote as part of the WIP Big Bang. Then as soon as I get a break in my IRL work schedule (this summer has been so crazy), I’ll be back to finishing up my other fics in progress. This is getting long so I’ll wrap this up and then do another update of where I stand with all of those in separate post. 

I want to thank everyone who's been reading this all this time, even though of you that hopped in and out just to read random chapters. It has been so much fun reading all your reactions as we went! 

If you’re not a writer, you cannot possibly imagine how many hours of work went into this absolute labor of love. I went into this fic not really expecting anyone to read it outside of the usual diehard Glimbows and was surprised and delighted when it found readers outside of that usual niche! This was ultimately just a way for me to collect all my own personal headcanons about Season 5 in one place so hearing from so many of you that this became one of your comfort fics or that this felt like the expanded version of Season 5 gives me endless joy!  

Thanks again for reading and joining me on this journey! 

"Hold out your hand," she said, and he did because he always trusted her, even now when everything was unfamiliar and new. She tipped whatever was in her hand into his and pressed his fingers closed around it. "Can you feel it?"  He nodded. Something tingled against his palm, the warmth slightly twitchy, like a living thing. When he glanced down, he saw golden light spilling out from between his fingertips. "What is it?"  Glimmer fit her hand over his, the two of them holding the glow together. "Ask it to do something. Anything."

Gorgeous art by the amazing and talented @dalila-nonsense for the final chapter of Going There which is called...

✨Glow✨

Read on AO3