#a truly exquisite clown

[janort]

Hey

I know I just sent you an ask but

I’m planning on buying this female clown and I was wondering

If you could possibly bestow any knowledge about this pretty girl too before I receive her in October 🥺🥺

Tysm I love your imput 😁 (also give me name ideas if you have any!!! She needs a good name!!)

Ohoho, that’s a fancy looking lady right there, I’d be happy to give my two cents on her!

She seems to be a teacup, I’m slightly unsure of the scale since the background of the photo is blank. Those bells and that hat are classic jester traits, she’s got quite a lot of sequins, lace, ribbons and frill so I might even guess she’s a royal jester.

The monochromatic black and white color palette is very striking, I’m not quite sure what to make of that. Unlike with circus breeds, black and white colors don’t necessarily mean the clown is mixed with Pierrot/mime, or that the clown is from a very selectively bred lineage that’s been cultivated for those colors. Jesters can be grayscale without Pierrot/mime ancestry and it’s not extremely rare, this makes it difficult to determine whether a jester is a mime or Pierrot mix, along with the fact that pure bred jesters and pure bred Pierrot can have some similar features.

The best way to know without DNA testing is to interact with the clown in person. Jesters are witty and talkative, they can be crass and mischievous, and they don’t tend to be very shy. Pierrot are considered more ‘dainty’, they rarely vocalize (although they can, unlike mimes), they are shy and cautious, and their performances are more subtle and musical than slapstick and comedic. It shouldn’t be too difficult to observe your clown’s behavior and draw your own conclusion, but until you meet her it’s anyone’s guess what her ancestry is. (If she is mixed, it’s probably not with mime because of the info I mentioned in my last clown husbandry ask)

Whether she’s got some Pierrot DNA or she’s purely jester, her diet should consist mainly of things like hard cheeses, preserved fruits, chicken/turkey, potatoes and sweet breads. That’s not to say she can never have more staple clown foods like cotton candy or corndogs, just that it’s not what she’s meant to rely on, jesters have different nutritional needs than circus clowns, for example they require higher sodium intake. This diet generally works for jesters and jester mixes, so it’s not necessary to modify if she’s partially Pierrot.

Other than diet it’s important to get some props for her, small bells and items to juggle are a good place to start. Jesters are inquisitive and love games, puzzles and riddles are a staple of theirs. Be carful when you take her places, because of how curious they are, small jesters can wander off to explore and become near impossible to track down.

Other than that I can’t think of any advice that’s specific to her, she should settle in easily with the other clowns, the enrichment of having so many friends should be very good for her, and she probably won’t need a setup too different from theirs. Of course I’m not a vet, (sorry for hammering this into the ground lol, but it is important for anyone who isn’t familiar with me) and I’m more experienced with standard teacup party clowns, so if you notice anything wrong or odd you should take her to the vet.

And lastly, I’d be happy to give you some name suggestions!

Periwinkle comes to mind, based on those beautiful blue eyes of hers.

Quinn, because I can’t stop thinking of Harley Quinn the harlequin.

Koi, Iris, Swan, Juniper, Goose, Olive and Fawn, just because I think they sound cool.

Wow, this one was pretty long! But it was worth every minute it took, and I really hope you find it helpful, it’s always a pleasure to answer your asks.

Happy clowning <3

[athina-blaine]

kb/ms is truly transcendental yaoi, spectacular, amazing, 10/10, no notes ... from the perspective of a mithrun enjoyer

as a kabru enjoyer, however...

I'll start off by saying that of course Kabru doesn't want or need a romantic relationship to be fulfilled, especially not with a white man, none of them do, it's all non-canon, Dungeon Meshi isn't about romance or shipping, yes yes yes, but none of us are here for that right now!! We're here to fruitlessly argue why my blorbos kissing makes more sense than your blorbos kissing!! You know it, I know it, none of us are free of cringe!! Clown on clown violence!!

That being said ... 🤡

I just don't see what Kabru gets out of kb/ms. With Mithrun, it makes sense; Kabru has a huge impact on him and ultimately helps him reaffirm his will to live. That's very exquisite drama and excellent character writing. But with Kabru, I just don't feel that Mithrun's character interacts with his personal flaws and would instigate his growth anywhere close to the same degree. I have to imagine most fics involving them focus more on Mithrun's baggage and how Kabru helps him heal from that ... because that's mostly all that happens between them in the main story, lol!

And like, that makes sense, because ultimately chapters 61-62 aren't about Kabru and Mithrun; they're about Kabru working through his conflicted feelings in helping Laios conquer the dungeon. I think it's ironic seeing people complain about kb/ms having Kabru be Mithrun's accessory when, if anything, Mithrun's main narrative purpose, outside of illustrating the danger of the Winged Lion, is to serve as Kabru's obstacle. I'd even argue Mithrun represents Kabru's personal bad ending; Mithrun wants him to kill Laios and surrender the dungeon to the canaries, preventing the short-lived races from ever understanding how dungeons function and returning to the status quo that had gotten Utaya destroyed. It's only when Laios practically forces Kabru, straight up puts his thumbs to the screws, to work past his reticence and be emotionally vulnerable that Kabru finally puts himself on the right path to achieve his goals (it's, uh, still a bit of a bumpy ride, but they get there in the end, lol!). If he'd been this way with Laios from the beginning, he might have understood Laios' intentions from the start and saved himself a lot of pain, but it's only because of Laios' influence that Kabru is able to grow as a character and get his happy ending.

(And even if one were a Mithrun enjoyer, ultimately the main source of Mithrun's life affirmation comes from the canaries. In that final scene, Kabru gets the ball rolling because he's outside of the canary hierarchy, but the scene ends with Mithrun being embraced by the canaries and as far as I'm aware the two don't interact with or reference each other post canon at all. Hell, it's Senshi who really drives the point home. Not that it matters when we're all wearing shipping goggles here, but it felt remiss not to mention it.)

At most, I can see how taking care of Mithrun would force Kabru to reexamine how poorly he takes care of his own body and that could make for some good drama. But even then, that change is ultimately instigated by Laios' influence on him, an extension of how Kabru wants to understand how Laios can see the value in monsters in an attempt to better understand his own trauma. If a person were to get into Dungeon Meshi specifically for Kabru and wanted to ship him with someone in a way that's most interesting for him, I'd be hard-pressed to argue there's a better choice than Laios (although who'd be cringe enough to do something like that haha right guys ... [sweating])

(Side note, though, I really don't vibe with the argument that kb/ms "reduces Kabru to a caretaker role" and that's why it's bad. There's plenty of instances where Kabru shoulders his friends' burdens (helps Kuro learn common tongue, listens to Daya's fiance about his relationship troubles, etc) and, more importantly, is seemingly happy to do so. I think Kabru genuinely enjoys looking after his friends and in the story seems to find plenty of personal satisfaction getting Mithrun to eat. I understand it has the potential to be more troubling considering Kabru is a brown man and Mithrun is a white man, but idk, it just feels on the same level as people trying to discount labru by saying Laios wouldn't take enough of an interest in people to want to start a romantic relationship, when his whole thing is that he does want to connect with people and just feels like he can't. It's not a bone I feel like picking, haha)

I honesty don't mind characters being "mischaracterized" in fandom or fic even to a large degree, I know it bugs a lot of people but I respect that ultimately fandom is little more than picking up the vague outline of a doll and playing with it and mashing their faces together. Besides, if I'm really worked up about it I can just write a fic and set the record straight myself, haha. This post is merely inspired by the supremely annoying subsection of twitter that acts like labru is the ship where it's just two dudes sitting in a room together. I'm just saying, Kabru ends the series whispering into the ear of another man as his day job and it's not Mithrun lmao

[lokidokieokie]

Ever The Gentleman

Request by Nonny: Love ur Hiddles fics ❤️ Had an idea for a fic where reader is an actress working with Tom and he notices she's not feeling well. Later he notices a blood stain on the back of her pants and realises why she wasn't well and helps her out so she isn't embarrassed. And of course he's such a gentleman about the whole situation.

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x Actress!Reader

Warning(s): Period things, Tom being a gentlemen, idk man probably some other things I can't think of...

For Tom, today on set had pretty much been a blast...until it wasn't.

He started off in hair and makeup; cracking jokes with Jeni and Abigail the artist and stylist assigned to him. They truly were lovely people--especially when they encouraged his corny "dad" jokes for hours on end.

Then he moved onto wardrobe, where he proceeded to clown around for an hour; whether it be by singing the lyrics to some his favourite renditions of Hank Williams' songs (yes, with the accent), or insisting that he be able to run around the studio to prepare a prank for this "brother from another mother."

The day was going extremely well; it felt like nothing to steal its thunder...

But when he made it onto the sound stage, there was a disturbance in the force; and all it took was a quick glance at you to figure out what it was.

Instead of the usual cheery smile that graced your exquisite face was a frown that could eerily resemble Loki's. A frown of his own flashed across his features; what was upsetting you?

Making his way towards you, he tried to figure out what it could be.

Maybe it's just one of those days where everything goes wrong? Highly unlikely; you were extremely organised; it took a lot for everything to go wrong for you.

Maybe she received some bad news? There was that one roll you were really looking forward to; maybe you didn't get the part?

All possible scenarios came to an abrupt stop when he reached you.

"Are you alright, Darling? You don't look well."

You shifted to face him, "I'm fine, Tommy." He rolled his eyes. You were the only one that could get away with that ridiculous nickname.

"Stop deflecting with that hideous nickname, Darling. I know something is wrong. Your beautiful smile that could rival Asgard itself hasn't graced me with it's presence today."

You slightly smiled at him, "I promise, I'm fine, Tom."

He huffed, "I may only play the God of Lies, but even I could see that you were fibbing."

You chuckled, your radiant smile almost fully appearing.

"Everything is fine Tom, truly. It's just my-"

"Alright my sugar plums, places!"

Tom frowned. Taika truly had the worst timing possible. He vowed to himself then and there that we was going to get to the bottom of this, that he was certain of.

The next time Tom saw you out of a scene was at the end of the day, when you were both heading towards the hair and makeup trailer.

There you were, leaning against the trailer door, probably complimenting the stylists for the umpteenth time today.

He barely managed to hear your "You both do outstanding work, I hope you know that" compliment, but smiled nonetheless. You truly were amazing.

As he began to walk up behind you to join your conversation, it took him all but a few seconds to figure out what had gotten you into your unhappy mood today.

A small little red patch--of what he was assuming was blood--on the back of your pants. Light bulbs went off in his head when he realised why you were feeling unwell today.

With a frown, he made his way over to you and hugged you from behind; achieving a giggle from you.

"Yes Tommy?"

He kissed your cheek and began whispering in your ear.

"Darling, don't be alarmed but you've leaked through your pants."

He felt you blanche and watched as your face drained of it's colour. You began struggling in his arms, trying to escape.

He continued whispering, "It's alright Darling. I'm going to give you my sweater. It should hopefully cover everything."

A subtle nod was all you offered. With that he began rubbing your arms.

"Darling, you're freezing." He quickly pulled off his sweater, "Please, put it on."

You gave him a watery smile and swiftly put it on. And what do you know, it was just oversized enough to cover everything.

Before he could blink, you had spun around and pulled him into a proper hug. Your hands wrapping tightly around his waist as his arms made their way around your shoulders.

"Thank you, Tommy."

He just smiled, nuzzled his nose into your hair and pulled you closer.

The both of you were too caught up in your own little bubble to see that Jeni and Abigail had their matchmaking smiles on...

A/N I’m so sorry this took so long for me to get out. I kind of neglected writing for the whole of October 😬 

[gulfportofficial]

I have this theory that all decisions about the meaning of something should be based on a simple question, "What's funnier?"

Is Higgs' Joker Makeup objectively and obviously The Crow makeup? Of course, but truly ask yourself, what's funnier?

Can you argue Jopson's face during the flogging scene is actually one of discomfort rather than ghoulish delight? Yes, obviously, but once again, ask yourself, what's funnier?

Do all the tragedies in your life add up to being some kind of broken person, or rather some kind of exquisite cosmic clown? Again...

[groovesnjams]

9 / 50

"Into Your Room" by Holly Humberstone

DV:

In an overall excellent year for varying flavors of love songs, no one captured how simultaneously stupid and exquisite falling for someone feels better than Holly Humberstone. Especially when you're young, though you don't need to look further than the critical reception of early-period Carly Rae Jepsen to realize how often people underestimate their ability to feel intensely and act ridiculously long after they're past their teens. Humberstone had the year's funniest couplet in "You said you'd give me both your kidneys if I cried for help/ Like jesus christ calm down", which isn't from this song, and she had a close runner up with "You're the center of this universe/ My sorry ass revolves around you," which is. The thing about the latter is it's the emotional core of the chorus rather than a throwaway punchline in the verse, a wildly ambitious songwriting gambit. And it works! That single line, bathetic and delivered with complete sincerity, anchors the melodrama of not just "without you my soul is eternally doomed" but the opening "I will run after your moving car." It's cosmic and dumb, just like love should be.

MG:

This song certainly is highly dramatic, which makes for a strong contrast with its satellite radio in store play production. I suppose that sounds backhanded, it is – only because I have no better way to put it, but it truly does underscore the song’s purpose. “Into Your Room” is like framing an exquisite Rembrandt in one of those cheap acrylic poster frames you can buy for 20% off with an expired Bed, Bath & Beyond coupon. It’s like a fear of clowns. These words weren’t made for such builder grade dullness and to see them showcased that way makes them even more desperate and archly ironic. And, I think, due to that perverse juxtaposition, “Into Your Room” is highly quotable. If you’re whatever on the lines DV highlighted, perhaps I can interest you in “Don't make me stand outside in the pouring rain/ With a freshly ripped human heart from my rib cage/ And a boombox, how pathetic, babe.” Like which one is she holding above her head? Is Diane Court even at her window? If you are bored by “Into Your Room,” you simply aren’t listening closely enough.

[acceptcryptopaymentsonshopify]

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Do cut in extensions look normal?

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[writer59january13]

Reaping short terms benefits...

before marital savings bond matured as a then quinquagenarian. Courtesy gerontologists medical practitioners allowing, enabling, and providing the elderly population to live longer and healthier lives. Linkedin with longevity loosely translates to resurgent libido spurring older folks predilection to participate in sexual intimacy. The downside (if such be the proper word) regarding senior citizens becoming or remaining flush with embodied physical attraction Gerontophilia barely alive as buzzfeeding colloquialism, nevertheless advertently, intermittently, and unwittingly received jump/kick starting excitement

here at Highland Manor, especially scooter bound population looking to spice her/his life courtesy young stud or hottie (stepping out pages of some sexy glamourous magazine) secretly strategizing how to entice lure, and understand "grandma" or "grandpa" as ideal bed fellow. An old geezer like yours truly, would roll out his Scottish welcome mat (comprised of Harris tweed material) readily and willingly welcoming respite from a young gal responsive to such juvenile, trashy, material devoid of absolute zero with neither, pride and prejudice apropos of maturity, sense and sensibility, nor wit and wisdom as the following banal folderol nominal representative sample exemplifies what he frequently posted on the fledgling Internet back during the heyday

of electronic chat rooms.

COMPAQ PRESARIO

desktop (little tower - revolutionary computer back in 1999 -)

chugged along (think the engine that could exhaustively repeating the mantra "I think I can, I think I can" in order to facilitate wheels that go round n around like a twirling clown

or a psychedelic school bus

while painted ponies go up and down... optimally operating like well greased levers to reverse a frown analogous to gingerbread man happy as a clam satisfactorily baked to perfection a colorful character uniformly imbrown

similar to persons of color

found within outer limits

along edge of night

of twilight zone in the heart of motown.

No harem meant by the following excerpts amalgamated, doctored, hewn, linkedin, and sanitized version from outdated prefabricated plundered digital broadcasts talentless dearth as profundity and/or qualifying as reasonable rhyme, I do forthrightly bewail paucity of thought provoking perspective dill liver rd by Clyde S Dale

whimsical wordy zesty email

nothing ventured equates to no gain nor any cause to fail searching far and wide for something akin to a holy grail in the guise of a femme fatale

wherever she may hale

even if my search finds me ferreting out jail masterfully baited ...ha...ha...hmm...

this steely irony male

merely Joe King riddler,

one lone ranger high in his blazing saddle exclaiming "Hi-yo Silver"

cuz tis a violation of pure innocence

to snatch Vestal Virgin before age of consent, and also ill eagle, whar rum may n daze existence

locked behind iron rail

bars with razor wire

in n attempt to scale

the bulwarks n escape -

bush whacking a trail

only to return to bedlam and discover vis-à-vis

a  perspicacious wife who did bemoan and wail yours truly his indiscretion.

Fingers property handsome beau thrum while poetic feet quiver like fingers on a taut bow with anticipation to hear soft sure footed white or black crow

sitting on telephone wire talons didst flow

and crackle with electricity thru wired connection courtesy smooth bore little arquebus and spindleshanks characterized bozo weird friendship can grow like a super fresh field viz organic olive garden of eat'n plump with organic food

betwixt yar thatch n my lil hoe

property of common Joe

fully cognizant and in the know scheming to experience whet dreams are made analogous to tightly, lovingly, and exquisitely fit together game pieces manufactured by lego finished product resembling mistletoe illicit affair indubitably, ineluctably, invariably causing woe.

After primal desire fired away

I returned home

to the missus without delay

the scorned wife mine hide she did flay when divorce sought, she did nay say.

[delugguk]

eating from each other’s plates & either " you’re lucky that you’re cute. " or "nope, puppy dog eyes aren’t going to work this time! " 💜

request from this post

pair: jungkook x reader

what happens here?: they're in love and tbh this low-key gives me ITS!couple vibes lol :(

word count: 810

note: tagging @jkshandsomegirlfriend since you also requested this <3

"mm, what do you think about this?" jungkook asks when he's guiding his spoon towards your mouth as you automatically open up.

"oh? what is this?" delighted by the taste of it, your eyes widen at such exquisite flavor.

"something I recently saw on the internet and tried it out.." he shyly murmurs when you instantly state, "of course you did." in a playful tone, only chuckling afterwards.

"do you like it?"

"is that even a serious question? babe, this tastes so good." heart eyes into your eyes and that only makes jungkook's heart jump and his cheekies blush. you found him very endearing despite looking very much fine while cooking but what can you expect, that's how your boyfriend is. hot and amazing. not only in bed but in many other things too, like cooking. - when you open your mouth for him to give you some more, all you are met with is his very salty finger touching your tongue.

"hey!!"

"no-uh, you have to wait till I finish."

"It isn't done already?" swinging his head to its sides, he makes you pout in disappointment. "I want another taste.." when your eyes only glisten turning into those big and pleading puppy eyes but jungkook doesn't buy it as you've used this technique many times, he's almost insensitive about it. almost. It still got him sometimes, but just sometimes.

"nope, puppy dog eyes aren't going to work this time! " he utters once he takes care of some vegetables in front of him.

"that's not fair!" you tramped around him. "It tastes so good already..." fingers toying with the hem of his gigantic hoodie as you sulk.

with your current state, jungkook can't help but let out the nicest laugh you've ever heard. "don't worry babe, it will taste even better once it's finished."

oh, he loved to tease you.

"ugh, don't ever think about me giving you food once my order arrives."

yeah, you've ordered food just a few minutes ago when you thought neither of you were going to cook today, but since jungkook seemed to get creative into tasting his magnificent cooking skills - you don't even know why you said that because now, here you are sharing food with your beloved. if he ever thought of you being a clown, you swear you'll take it because you could never not resist your boyfriend's charms.

seating on the kitchen table, you give him a piece of your food once you had caught him glancing at it. you just know when he wants a piece of something and who are you to deny him from testing the marvellous tastes of the world?

"here," you guide a piece of food on his mouth and as soon as he makes a loud, almost comic-like "mmm!!!" sound followed by his eyebrows furrowing into an angry face, you know he absolutely adores it and that's when you mentally sigh, in defeat.

"okay... you can take it." you voice as you playfully roll your eyes.

"truly?" orbit eyes just taking a glance at the food and your face at the same time.

"truly." you repeat and he looks way too happy.

"don't get too excited though.. you're lucky that you're cute.." you murmur, "I'm only doing it 'cause you're cute.. so take it all if you want."

the big smirk that forms into his face it's not normal but since he's jungkook, of course he has to, "okay, thennn.. I'll exchange this for this," he conveys, giving you a piece of his own cooking. - everything without forgetting to feed you some first, of course. you close your eyes like that one scene in ratatouille once the familiar flavour meets your glorious taste buds and all jungkook does is endearingly smile at you when he cleans the corner of your lips for the mess he low-key made, very delicately.

"Is it that good, baby?" you nod and his smile only widens. "this is my exchange gift." showing you that pretty bunny smile of his.

and the moment he does, you respond with a yes followed by a big gasp that you can't help but make, and you don't know if it's because of him giving you this or him just looking so damn stunning right now even if his hair was messy. but of course you weren't going to tell him that. at least not today. he'll be an absolute demon if you told him today.

"thanks.." you shyly look away when he seems to not stop staring at you.

It only makes him match your energy once he notices his eyes being somehow glued into yours.

"of course," responding, he's already cutting another size when he says, "gotta make sure my pretty girl always gets what she wants." only pausing to end up murmuring with a smug grin, "even if whatever that is, it's me.."

[candyredmusings]

Grubba Gang Sentence Starters

aka shit my discord squad has said. Periodically updated.

Mostly crack + NSFT.

“STOP BEING HORNY!”

“I’M NOT BEING HORNY STOP GASLIGHTING ME!”

“Santa isn’t real and Jesus never happened.”

“CLEAR YOUR SCHEDULE BABY WE’RE GOING TO YANDERE DIVORCE COURT.”

“I’ll be having evil intercourse.”

“I prostate myself jingling miserably on the floor for nothing.”

“God I would stab a man for a dorito.”

“How many people have you put in Jigsaw traps? I’m not a cop by the way.”

“Wish my mans would call me Slupert Doobert.”

“THANKS! I’M GOING TO SMITE YOU FOR YOUR HUBRIS NOW!”

“Shut the fuck up none of you can truly understand barbie horse adventures mystery ride.”

“Bold of you to presume we talk about anything except getting nut in here.”

“ALL I WANTED WAS TO GET RAWED ON THE FIRST DATE AND YOU SAID NO LIKE SOME FUCKING GENTLEMAN-”

“My vore gets me bitches.”

“ [Name]   we’re gonna watch the barbie movies and im gonna sell my nudes.”

“I don’t know about you but Santa Claus could SMASH.”

“Just kidding. I want to pull you apart like a twizzler.”

“Sometimes I crave that real flesh.”

“One minute you’re talking about nutting the next you’re talking about when you were 6 year olds and first learned the feeling of betrayal.”

“Gnomes WILL be held accountable for their crimes.”

“  Tsk. No cloaca. No meaning.”

“Are you gonna eat your girls pussy like some sort of democrat, or vore her like a man?”

“ I am the clown that entertains this nuclear wasteland of comedy.”

“Are you thinking about the gnome party?”

“[NAME] if there’s ONE thing i know about you it’s that you don’t wear pants unless absolutely necessary.”

“Damn. It was never as easy as blues clues made it seem!”

“I’m going to fucking cain and abel you.”

“IM REQUIRED BY LAW TO SUCK HIS DICK NOW-”

“Your ass is grass and I’m an ape.”

“Hey anyone wanna fuck.”

“Not to flex on you but im something of a manlet.”

“I’m on a sexual clown journey.”

“Post the image, you stupid fruit.”

“God I gotta say I do love being me sometimes? Because I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me.”

“It’ll be fine. Ain’t you ever seen Hamilton?”

“Can we stop talking about my asshole?”

“It has been 2 days since our last slur.” / “it’s been 0 days since our last slur.”

“I’m ‘bout to be real with you, chief, I’m bout to bust them fucking kneecaps.”

“Will my life ever know peace?”

“Let’s just say if I had to see [NAME] in a police line up, well, I hope they can’t see through the mirror.”

“Let’s just say if I had to see Mr. Blobby in a police line up, well, I hope they can’t see through the mirror.”

“What the absolute FUCK have I walked into.”

“[NAME] comes within five feet of my pussy and I have to beat them away with a pool noodle.”

“I want cock. Now.”

“Shut the fuck up [NAME] there’s girls here!”

“IS [NAME] IN HEAT?”

“WE’VE BEEN ARGUING OVER [NAME]’S FEET FOR THREE DAYS.”

“Yes, love of my life? My Pizza Hut pan pizza? My 2 for 4 deal?“

“I’m probably gonna get hate for this, but, [NAME] is an absolute snacc.”

“You’re right. You are going to get hate.”

“For the love of God shut the fuck up.”

“In the past 24 hours you have said several horrible things to me.”

“I also want to see fat demon cock.”

“Gra ta ta swag bitch.”

“I’M HERE TO GET SEXUAL.”

“Please don’t call [NAME] sexy ever again.”

“Shut up, fruit.”

“GOD IS MY BITCH AND HE SUCKED MY DICK BEHIND A 7/11.”

“[NAME] I love you but what are you doing man?”

“Eat or I’ll send Steve Harvey after you.”

“I wanna be rammed so hard my anal cavity prolapses.”

“[NAME] if it was life or death would you yank the dildo outta my ass?”

“What’s the lore behind a dildo being in your ass and someone will die of circumstances because of it?”

“  NO!! THE POPE CANT BE HORNY!!”

“Don’t get me wrong, Lola bunny could take a jack hammer to my nuts and I’d thank her, but she also is the best basketball player ever.”

“[NAME]’s exquisite boobs will not protect him from feral [NAME] and that is a promise!”

“whats a little cum inflation among friends”

“On fridays we gaslight our white boys for enrichment.”

“Ain’t that the shit the lucky charms dude says? If you wanna find the fruit you gotta suck-o me nut?    …or maybe thats fruit loops.“

"He’s shown feet, the next logical step is ass"

“[NAME] I got money on you crying right now. Not to freak you out, but -”

“I have RED VELVET in my BIG ASS TITTIES”

"Give this child a prison uniform I’m tired of him."

"Theres only so much i can do to stop white people"

“I DON’T CARE ABOUT SQUIRTING [NAME]”

"I LOVE ARGUING WITH MEN OVER THE INTERNET. MY PORES ARE CLEAR."

“I died in a tragic lip gloss accident and only by the grace of god do i live on.”

“You will never match his swag.”

“Hannibal is always based?”

“You know who else eats people? Christians. Grow up.”

“He’s gender-nonconforming as fuck with those eyelashses"

“I just fucked yo’ bitch in my Gucci clown drip.”

“She is to marry what we in the business call a little fucking freak.”

“TRY GETTING A JOB AT SCOOPS AHOY NOW YOU LITTLE FUCKING BASTARD!”

“The goal of art is to piss off as many people as possible.”

“I don’t know why I do the things I do, [NAME].”

"YOU HAVE THE GALL. TO COMPARE BEETHOVEN TO THE FUCKING BEATLES?!?"

“ I got heckled to sing Rainbow Connection."

“Do I make you horny, baby?”

“  WOW I GET IT! YOU’RE A WHORE I SEE NOW!”

“Wow, he looks like shit. I could suck him silly.”

“I could suck him silly.”

“Mommy? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry.”

"I could change jfk… WAIT AM I MARILYN MONROE?"

“Im so used to jumping in front of the gun that i didn’t realize the gun wasn’t loaded.”

“  this guy is like PG13 Hannibal.  “

“you met me at a very frank floppa time in my life.”

"To put it simply you are the cave full of bluntsmoken and the world is your little german boy OoOO"

"I WANT YOUR GODDAMN SLOPPY JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE” -

“oh do not call him that ill cum on the spot”

“FUCK OFF. YOU’RE SICK.”

“NO ONE EMBARASS ME IN FRONT OF THE DOG!!”

“I don’t know why I do the things I do, [NAME].”

“well that was nice im gonna go walk some more until i die now"

"Love will always triumph."

”[NAME] BECAME ALLOSEXUAL FOR VENOM, WHY CAN’T YOU?“

”[NAME] BECAME ALLOSEXUAL FOR [NAME], WHY CAN’T YOU?“

"the fist of ‘87 thats what they call me.”

“the WORST SEX youve ever seen”

“My god i would shampoo his ball hair with my saliva …”

“ALL I HAD WAS LACTATION!"

“I’m Catholic so of course I rejected help, but and however…“

"i am a feminist and a woman-lover but first and foremost i am a hater"

"i love women but some of these bitches are boring-"

“I FAILED AT BECOMING RACIST.”

"YOURE NOT VAN GOGH BITCH!!!!"

“ i need cocaine ................. “

"........What Are We DOING?"

"If you were a pickle I'd eat you but i'd still love you”

“YOUR MENTAL ILLNESS MAKES YOU OBSESS OVER BOYS WELL MY MENTAL ILLNESS MAKES ME OBSESS OVER YOUR MENTAL ILLNESS.”

“bigfoot is sexy, [NAME]”

“you know what?? friendship IS magic.”

"i would suck off any of my friends"

“when gods choir sings, will bigfoot not be among them?”

“Call [NAME] a wedding cake the way im paying women to sit on him.”

“I WAS CHURNING THY BUTTER.”

“Hon hon baguette go to hell.”

“Avert thine lustful eyes away from my daughter, fiend.”

"AS A SOCIETY we should be making sure that women do not do be dying!!!"

“How many innuendos can we make in 3 minutes?”

“Yeah, no, I’m not in the habit of dropping slurs casually. I do it competitively.”

“She’s cute! Can’t wait to watch her get spitroasted.”

“We serve cunt here, sir.”

“Bitch I don’t like milk. Its White. Its NASTY—”

“I’m not going to suck him silly. This is serious to me.”

"if [NAME] looked like a drowned rat they wouldnt get nearly as much love.”

“Yes girl we explore Jesus.”

“i work in the tuberculosis ward, and I do occasionally peak into the polio ward but I won't go into the small pox ward ykwim”

“i hate penis when it’s normal you know what i mean”

“WHO THE FUCK HATED ON MY AUTISTIC SHAWTY”

“You’re afraid of unsalted nut but allow white penis into your body”

“I’m doing research on the clitoris”

"He has the gentle eyes of a baby cow and the face of bacon and he's my BEST FRIEND. "

[monicahar]

When they have a narcissistic f! s/o

characters; Xiao, Childe

a bit suggestive in some parts, but mostly fluff!

I'm currently simping over Elysia from Honkai like omg she's so cocky i love her why don't i incorporate her personality unto a reader's perspective omg I'm genius

Xiao

He'd probably wonder where all your confidence came from

Everytime he asked, you just replied,

"A person is only truly beautiful, once they start believing in themselves."

"huh?" yeah he doesn't get it LMAO

Does that mean he isn't beautiful since he doesn't believe in himself as someone worthy of even being alive?

"No, no! You're a beautiful person yourself. I'm just the one doing the believing part for you. Since you're such a baby."

"...what?" he still doesn't get it T-T

"Oh wow. Such a fine evening for a fine woman like me." You grinned to yourself, as Xiao behind you raised a brow as he crossed his arms. "What are you doing here at this time? Aren't you supposed to be with Gany-" You quickly placed a finger on his lips, effectively shutting him up. "Ah, ah, ah! Is it so bad for me to visit my lover?" You winked playfully, as you retracted your finger. "I just wanted to spend some time with you."

Xiao sighed as he shook his head, "You're supposed to have a meeting with the Qixing right now. I can wait." he glanced up to meet your pout.

With an angry huff, you replied, "I don't feel like it. I'm too exquisite to talk about boring paperwork." He blinked at your words, "If you're as amazing as you speak of, then why bother being with me?"

Now it was your time to blink at his sudden words. "Huh? What do you mean?"

"You already know what I'm talking about. I'm...quite rough around the edges, or whatever you mortals call it."

You chuckled at bit at his sudden insecurity, before slowly taking his chin to look into your eyes. "A fine woman only chooses a fine man. How mant times have I told you this before, darling?" You kissed his cheek as you pulled back, sensing his forming blush as he looked away.

"A-anyways, just go to that meeting! A real woman wouldn't let her companions down, would she?" You merely laughed as he stuttered, "Fine, fine. I'll make it up to you tomorrow."

He turned to see you out, but seeing you blow kisses towards him as you descended the stairs caused him to freeze up.

"crap." he muttered to himself. Even though you're complicated, you're just too cute.

Childe

Ohoho

This guy would turn both of your cockiness into a competition

"Oh I'm way more good looking than you."

"Haha, how funny. Want a clown hat to top off your comedic show?"

You both actually went to Zhongli once to ask who's more hotter

"Hot? You both seem to have normal temperatu-"

"No, sensei. We meant who's more good looking..."

"Hmmm, now that i took a good look at both you, you both are very attractive indeed. Maybe I should take your forms one day..."

uh....ok?

You shrugged at each other before leaving the man alone in his mutterings

Let's just say that Zhongli found that quite rude :<

"Hah!" He exclaimed as a whale emerged behind you.

Seeing the size of it, you simply teleported with your electro vision out of harm's way as you knew that creature was an unavoidable attack.

However, Childe had predicted this, knowing exactly where you were gonna teleport, so he tackled you down as soon as you appeared behind the whale, causing you to groan as he seized his victory.

You panted heavily as he pinned your arms above your head, and pushing your legs down with his knee. "Hah....h...fine you win. Now let go."

"I don't think so, princess." You sensed his eyes somewhere else, making you look up at him, just to see him checking out your, wet clothes...or rather, what's underneath them. "I think i still have to claim my reward, don't you think?" He looked back at you with darkened eyes.

"Can't it wait later?" You sighed, "I know I'm quite enticing, but I'm too exhausted for this." You raised a brow as he suddenly laughed out loud.

"Pfft...yeah sorry about that." He stood up, proceeding on showing his hand. "Just meet me later tonight. Change your clothes first though. I wouldn't want other men stealing my dear s/o, now do I?"

"It's not my fault that I have quite the bod, heh." You said, smugly.

"Can't argue with that."

[saintobio]

Ma'am, I just want to say that THIS IS MY FAVORITE CHAPTER SO FAR AOXJWHXKAKDNQ. I LOVE ALL THE CHAPTERS BUT THIS. AJBXWJXJW THIS ONE PUTS A SMILE TO MY FACE. (lmao the Thanos quote.)

Y/N's thoughts before announcing the divorce:

BUT, RIGHT NOW, IT REMINDS ME NOT ONLY OF THE REMARRIED EMPRESS, BUT FOR DIANA AND PRINCE CHARLES TOO. THE WAY Y/N HAD HER REVENGE DRESS ON. YES AOXWJJXWJ. ALSO SUCK THAT S*RAT YOU LOOK LIKE A CLOWN ATTENDING A EXTRAVAGANT BIRTHDAY PARTY YOU AND TRASHTA CAN GO LIVE TOGETHER. 😩

You said you didn't do well in this chapter but in my eyes, YOU HAVE DONE IT WELL. I AM REJOICING LMAOOO. YOU NEVER FAIL TO SURPRISE ME. FAVORITE. FAVORITE SO FAR. SPECTACULAR, FANTASTIC, AMAZING, MAJESTIC!

Anyways, I don't have anything to rant because I am just here to tell you that your writing is oh-so truly exquisite and heart wrenching. I love reading this and I will for sure come back for this chapter. This is my favorite so far (I have said that a few times already 😅). I like all the chapters but this chapter has been the turning point for Y/N's change and I seriously can't wait for more chapters that you will bring. This is my favorite Gojo x Reader ever. I will definitely go back to this when years pass, lmao. Truly a remarkable story in the JJK Fandom.

But that's all, anyways, thank you also for loving the characters and giving enough room for justice to them, you're clearly treating them as human than just fictional characters. That perk of yours also amazes me on how you care so much for your characters, especially Y/N. A great author. A great author indeed.

Anyways, my favorite arc is coming up, Gojo's Sovieshu arc let's gooo... 😩

ty for reading as well <333 yn’s navier arc is to be halted but gojo’s sovieshu arc will lowkey continue. lowkey. until the very end. and also, yay i’m so glad you’re enjoying sn 🥺🥺

[thirtysixexposures]

Thoughts on Vincenzo

Well, my thoughts are a mess. And I’m reading many positive and negative interpretations of that ending on this clown app (I love you Tumblr but we’re all clowns here). Plus SJK’s interview post ending...I’m trying not to let that get to me because at the end of the day, it’s a personal experience.

I am happy that my babies Vincenzo and Cha Young kissed. That they know their love is reciprocated. I am happy the Geumga gang are mostly still together. Cha Young is still a badass in her own right.

It was bittersweet for me. Ideally, for me, V and HCY could have eloped to that island of his. Because as much as I love the Geumga Family dynamics, I feel like HCY was truly home with Vincenzo. And in my mind, after she has wrapped up her affairs, she’ll join him (in his room). It was always the two of them against the world. And all throughout the series, she was always the one asking when will he be leaving. Always with a mixture of dread and sadness. So it doesn’t make sense for her to be apart from him. Let her be his personal consigliere. (I’m sappy :()

And I knowwww! I know y’all gonna say well why can’t Vincenzo stay in Korea?!? Every molecule in that fine body of his is MAFIA. From Day One, at his core, he is a killer. He can be ruthless. Especially if you mess with his family. But I’d like to think that he gained some measure of humanity in Korea. With the Geumga gang. With Cha Young. This show was never about good or bad. It was really pushing us to delve deeper of how far we can accept Vincenzo’s darkness. (And from that ending, I daresay some of us are in pretty deep with our man Vincenzo). He really was on another level here - SJK said Vincenzo was worse than the villains combined. I do agree. He was never going to be attached to Korea. It was HCY and by extension, the Geumga family.

When he confirmed that he was the new boss of the Cassano family, this further cemented his Mafia roots. In the beginning of the series, he had no qualms with leaving for Malta to retire. But by the end of the series, he had a new sense of purpose and principles. He knows that he deserves love. And that means, he will keep coming back to Cha Young. And eventually, they’ll.... get together, get married and have little island babies. There I said it.

So yes, the ending was bittersweet. The beauty of it all was in the anti-hero journey, the found family and the exquisite slow burn of 2021 - Chayenzo through and through. It was a mature kind of love.

Thank you Vincenzo - to Song Joong Ki and Jeon Yeo Been, to the cast, the writer, the director and the staff. It has been a pleasure!

[jenosslut]

yours truly

pairings: na jaemin x fem!reader

genre/s: angst

warnings: death, heavy angst

word count: 0.7k

a/n: this was a fic i was supposed to post yesterday as a very short one but uh- much love to the dear @notnctu for sparking this idea in me at 2 am lmao. i started this at 2 am and now it’s almost 4 *insert clown emoji* anyways i hope you enjoy !

masterlist

—

The weather is unknown, considering you haven’t left the palace in forever. Exquisitely detailed walls capture you, though they don’t fascinate you anymore. Your gown, covered in a majestic liliac color, wrap graciously around your body; fitting you perfectly. Its laced puffy sleeves allow an itch to run through your body, more specifically forearms.

The palace, the gown, the mellifluous melody playing slightly far behind; everything was absolutely dazzling. So, so much more than anyone could ever fancy.

Your life has to be perfect, it is supposed to be perfect. How can a dangerously alluring queen, who supposedly has everything that could ever be fancied, feel somber?

Yeah, that’s not possible. People think, as you guide your way towards your bedroom. Your hand reaches for the handle, unlatching the deliberately designed door.

The sight of a letter is what your eyes witness. You move your body nearer towards your queen sized bed, where the letter was sat on.

You seat yourself on the bed, grabbing the letter in between your hands.

The piece is old. Probably lived through a solid seven years. How did it find its way towards the palace, or your bedroom, out of all the places available? That’s what you wonder.

You laboriously open the letter, guiding the paper pieces away from each other.

Your eyes come across the hand writing as the letter finally sets free. It can’t be, you think to yourself.

By that moment, your heart is leaping in your chest. A lump forming in your throat, not allowing you to breathe properly.

Yours truly, Na Jaemin. Your eyes scan the bottom corner as it silently confirms your assumptions. Na Jaemin, you haven’t heard that name in so long.

Your hands tremble, whole body shaking as you try re-collecting yourself. Tears gather up inside your eyes, though you’re determined to not let them escape. You try inhaling a breath, hoping consolation would take over your emotions.

It doesn’t. No sense of comfort is visible. Still, you start reading.

My love, my dear y/n;

I’ve tried. Trust me, i’ve tried so hard to not let it get to me; to not let is get to us.

But i couldn’t. I couldn’t bare seeing you knowing i wouldn’t be next to you in not much long. Knowing i wouldn’t be the one you would wake up up next to, knowing i wouldn’t be the one you could depend on.

I wanted to be your knight shining armor. How cliche, right? The knight falls in love with the queen. Cliche, but beautiful. Our story could’ve been beautiful.

But our story has to be cut short, discontinued. Do you remember the time you told me about how the series you favored the most was discontinued? Yeah, the most beautiful stories are left incomplete.

We had a future ahead of us. A future where we would be happy, finally.

And that reminds me, you deserve happiness. You deserve happiness more than anyone. I have no right to take that deserved happiness away from you. So please, once i’m gone, promise to live your life to the fullest. Because that’s what you truly deserve.

Our tale isn’t a fairytale. We didn’t have our happy ending, but you deserve to have your happy ending, my love.

Yours truly,

Na Jaemin

The letter ends, your tears don’t. You’re absolutely left broken by now, not having any control over your emotions or body.

Your gown is soaked wet as you continuously wipe your tears onto the lilac gown’s tulle, not wanting to wetten the piece of paper held in between your hands.

The regret you’re feeling is unbearable. If you had gotten this letter when you were supposed to, if you were there for him when you were supposed to; your fates could’ve been played out much differently.

You never expected a flawless love story as a child. Rather preferred something slightly bumpier . You wanted to experience a typical love story, just like how every other person your age experienced. As long as you had your happy ending, you were disposed of anything.

Jaemin wanted you to live happily, freely, to not feel like you had to depend on him when he wasn’t with you. You knew, that Jaemin would be the happiest when you were happy

But, were you happy?

No, you weren’t, you aren’t.

And that is the story of how you failed both Jaemin, and your little self with many dreams...

[vonbaghager]

more DBD killers

all the ones from the last batch

these ones are The Gremlin, a tiny saboteur that can rig the various props in the game with destructive traps, and The Boogeyman, a shadowy horror that easily tracks isolated survivors.

The Gremlin

A nasty little piece of work believed to be born from human superstitions, the Gremlin is actually one of the surviving Fair Folk nearly driven to extinction by the march of human progress. It burned with hatred for humanity and sought their ends, using their own inventions against them, ripping apart what they had created and crafting devices of exquisite cruelty that it used to torture, maim, and kill. Even its kin soon began to view it with fear as its thirst for revenge turned into sadistic malice, its devices becoming less machines of elegant execution and more engines of unnecessary suffering. They believed it to be no better than the humans with its methods, which drove it to hate its kin as well.

Rather than spurning iron, the Gremlin learned to work with it, driving spikes and hooks of the substance into its flesh to terrify and bully others of its kind into submission, exposing them to the same machines it used to torment humanity. Unable to bear what their once-brother had become, the Folk cast the Gremlin from their home and into the smog and oil of mankind’s march. Rather than wither and die, the Gremlin grew strong in the misery that surrounded it, seeking to amplify it as much as possible.

The Entity pulled the creature from between the teeth of two massive gears it had attempted to sabotage, its attempt at collapsing an entire factory ended by a single mistake. Now, however, the minuscule horror can malice hapless humans to its hearts content, no longer bound by the weaknesses it once had.

Base stats: 120% speed. 32 meter terror radius. Small size (stands at roughly stomach height for the average survivor).

Passive: Tiny Threat. The Gremlin is smaller than every other killer in the game. It vaults windows 30% faster than any other killer, and kicks pallets/generators 20% faster to compensate. The Gremlin does not carry survivors over its shoulder, but drags them on the ground behind it. It takes 2 extra seconds to hook a survivor, due to it needing to physically lower the hook first.

Active Power: Bladed Bomb. Has 3 charges, which refresh at a rate of 1 every 30 seconds. Places a trap on the ground in front of the Gremlin, which arms itself after 2 seconds. A survivor that draws within 1 meter of the trap will trigger it, causing it to screech for 2 seconds before detonating, injuring all survivors within 2 meters and placing injured survivors in that radius into the dying state. The Gremlin can face a bomb (in a manner akin to Demogorgon’s teleport interface) and press the special action button to instantly trigger it.

If the Gremlin is facing a hook, a chest (opened or unopened), a generator, or a pallet, it can place a Hidden Bomb within the prop to sabotage it in a specific manner. A survivor that sabotages a trapped hook causes a loud noise notification, suffers a deep wound, and is hindered for 10 seconds. A chest that is sabotaged unleashes a spray of glass particles once opened which creates a noise notification, then blinds and exhausts the survivor for 30 seconds. A sabotaged pallet unleashes a deafening whooshing noise, rendering survivors within 1 meter of it oblivious for 10 seconds. After 10 seconds, the bomb explodes, destroying the pallet. A sabotaged generator detonates immediately if the survivor misses a skill check, and releases a hissing noise if the survivor performs a Good skill check (a Great skill check does not activate it), alerting them to its presence and giving them 3 seconds to run more than 1 meter away before the generator explodes. The detonation removes 4% of progress from the generator and causes deep wounds in all survivors in range. Like the Bladed Bomb, the Gremlin can face one of its Hidden Bombs and use its special action to detonate it instantly.

The Gremlin, without addons, can only maintain six bombs at a time. If a seventh is placed, the oldest bomb defuses and breaks.

Unique Perks:

Tortured Steel: The cruelty of your attacks on technology can briefly make the Entity believe its own machines are capable of suffering. After kicking a generator, that generator becomes blocked by the Entity for 14/18/22 seconds. Only one generator can be blocked by Tortured Steel at a time. Tortured Steel has a cooldown of 60/40/30 seconds.

Hex: Blood and Oil: The power of this Hex makes steel and iron thirst in a way only the living normally can, drinking from the injured who foolishly place themselves too close. Injured survivors repairing generators have a 20% greater chance of triggering Skill Checks. If an injured survivor fails a Skill Check, the generator crushes their hands, preventing them from making further repairs until they’re healed or until 10/14/18 seconds pass.

Hex: Bane of Progress: Where one may succeed, all others will fail. When a generator is repaired past 90%/70%/50% while the Hex Totem still stands, all other generators with any amount of progress on them immediately burst, losing 5%/6%/7% progress and beginning to regress. Bane of Progress has an 80 second cooldown.

----------

The Boogeyman

A creature from mankind’s fears given flesh, the Boogeyman hunted the small and the easy. The scared child, the lonely wanderer, the lost vagrant, all were easy prey, but as humanity continued to grow, so too did their bravery. Lights became more common, and not just the light of a candle or a lantern’s glow; harsh, white, burning light, as though harvested from the sun itself began to invade the darkness. There were less places to hide, less places where it could find someone alone and scared, less places it could hunt without being hunted in turn. And so, desperate and starving, it fled into the wilderness in hopes of finding settlements untouched by civilization, where the demon that was electricity could not find it.

What it found instead was the Fog, inviting it into a realm in which the sun would never rise, where intoxicating fear runs rampant, and where humans can never truly fight back.

Base stats: 115%. 36 meter terror radius. Medium height (Clown height).

Passive power: Scent of Fear. Survivors further than 10 meters from one another begin building up Panic at a rate of 1 point every 5 seconds, to a maximum of 10 points. At 10 points of Panic, if the survivor is within the Boogeyman’s terror radius, the survivor is highlighted by Killer Instinct until a generator is repaired, until they are within 20 meters of another survivor, or until their health state changes (in any direction).

Panic is reduced by 1 point every 10 seconds they are within 10 meters of another Survivor, by 3 points when their health state decreases, by 5 points if their health state increases or if the Boogeyman is blinded or stunned through any means, and is completely removed when a generator is fully repaired. Survivors on hooks do not gain Panic. 

Active power: Alone In The Dark. The Boogeyman charges for 3 seconds, then blasts a wave of shadows 20 meters in every direction, which travels through walls and into lockers. Survivors struck by this wave scream in terror and gain 3 points of Panic (survivors inside lockers instead gain 5). Then, any survivor with more than 5 points of Panic become Blinded until their Panic is reduced to 4 or less. A survivor at 10 points of Panic becomes Terrified, a status similar to the Doctor’s Madness III, in that a Terrified survivor will scream every few seconds and can take no actions but Calm Down, which reduces their Panic by 5 but takes 13 seconds to perform.

Alone in the Dark has a 35-second cooldown. The Boogeyman can be stopped by Lightburn while charging it.

Unique Perks

Claustrophobia: What once offered safety now only harbors fear. Survivors inside lockers and your terror radius at the same time for 5/4/3 seconds are highlighted by Killer Instinct while inside, and for 6 seconds after leaving.

Hex: Zoophobia: The power of this Hex causes the crows of the trial to become supernaturally terrifying, briefly overwhelming the survivor’s minds. Survivors alerting the crows while the Hex Totem stands scream in terror. Survivors are so startled by the crows taking off that they are Incapacitated for 2/3/4 seconds.

Monophobia: You spark weakness in the heart of one survivor, so that they cannot stand being alone. You become Obsessed with one survivor. Your Obsession suffers a 20%/30%/40% penalty to repairing and healing actions if they are further than 22/18/14 meters from another survivor.

[thirstforfleck]

I Had the Craziest Dream ~ Arthur Fleck x Reader

summary: arthur has a hard time convincing himself that you are real and not just in his head. a date with you proves otherwise

warnings: none? brief mentions of nudity

word count: 1,358

notes: finally finished this piece. the summary is really crappy, but I wasn’t quite sure what else to put. The ending is meh. I was inspired by the song “I Had the Craziest Dream” by Harry James and his Orchestra and vocals by Helen Forrest. Here’s the song if you want to listen to it. This is written with a female love interest in mind. I hope you enjoy :)

Arthur was convinced you weren’t real. He had visions of angels resembling you before you had even met. And yet, here you were.

Your hair was spread on your pillow like the sun’s rays. Your mouth slightly agape as you snoozed. Arthur found you most beautiful at your most vulnerable. You were reminiscent of a Renaissance marble sculpture: delicate and exquisite. A goddess, in simple terms. He had to resist the urge to kiss you. He didn’t want to wake you. Arthur grabbed his journal off the nightstand next to him. Perhaps he would sketch your soft, bare body bathing in the sunlight that shined through the curtains.

Flipping through his journal, Arthur glanced at his past entries and sketches. Dark words filled the majority of pages. Disturbing pornographic images, whether drawn by him or pasted from nudie magazines, were glued randomly throughout. The occasional black holes, made by repetitive anger-filled pen strokes, were found scribbled over top journal entries or a porn model’s face. As he got closer to a blank page, he spotted an entry titled ‘Beutiful Girl’. He smiled to himself. This was his first entry about you. 

You had met in the lobby downstairs months ago. You had just gotten off work, Arthur had guessed, and were standing in front of the elevator. Your arms were crossed in frustration, rightfully so. The building was dilapidated, built in ancient times it seemed. The elevator was taking longer than usual. You were tapping your foot impatiently. Your hair was tousled from the wind. Arthur waited alongside you.

You looked to him and shook your head. “Can you believe this place?” you said in disbelief. “I may have to start taking the stairs.”

Arthur couldn’t say much. He was struck by your beauty. Your limpid eyes were the first feature he noticed. Bright and clear, sparkling like daylights’ reflection on a calm body of water. Your lips looked plush, alluring. Arthur snapped himself out of his daydream and managed to croak out, “Yeah, it’s awful.”

Your heavenly lips formed a soft smile and Arthur’s heart skipped a beat. The ding of the elevator interrupted his thoughts. You both get on together, standing on opposite sides. “Which floor?” you asked, pressing the number 8.

“8,” Arthur said shyly.

“Hey, me too!” you grinned. “We’re practically neighbors.”

Arthur thought his heart would burst out of his chest. Someone was being polite to him, interacting with him positively. To Arthur, it didn’t seem like you were doing it just to be nice either. Your smile was unlike any other he had received in his life. The only word he could describe it was “warm”.

The doors opened to the 8th floor and you stepped out. You looked over your shoulder and made eye contact with Arthur. “See ya around, stranger,” you softly spoke with a wink.

“Bye,” Arthur spoke softly. You made a right down the hallway, and he made a left. He raced to his apartment with a pounding in his chest. He rushed to his journal after slamming the door shut. He flipped it open to the first empty page and began to write.

Beutiful Girl

I just met the most beutiful girl. I don’t no her name. All I no is that she is very nice and prety. She is the nicest person I hav met in a long time. She smild at me! And we liv on the same floor. I hope she is reel.

He saw you again, and again, and again. He found out what your name was. It was the prettiest name he had ever heard. You laughed at his jokes. You showed that you cared about his personal life. He didn’t know if his mind was playing tricks on him or if you were truly real. Someone as gorgeous and kind as you just didn’t exist, right?

He had his first dream about you. He barely slept, let alone had dreams. When he awoke, he rolled out of bed and scribbled in his journal.

I Had the Crazyest Dreem

Y/N was in my dreem. My first dream I’ve had in a long time. We wer dancing to Harry James and Glenn Miller. She smild at me. She playd with my hair. She was in love with me. I kissd her and she kissd me back. I want to kiss her so bad. I want to dance with her so bad. I still do not no if she is reel or not. If she is reel, I want to touch her and hold her and kiss her. How long must I wate until I no if she is reel? I hope my dreem comes tru. 

Arthur’s dream did indeed come true. He gained some much needed confidence and invited you to one of his gigs at Pogo’s. You accepted. You thought his jokes were sweet, mostly cheesy. Afterwards, he took you out to a diner. It was late, after midnight. You were one of the few couples still out and about on a Tuesday night. Arthur made you laugh some more with a few jokes he had hidden from his routine. 

You stared intensely at him, your eyes peering from above your cup of tea that touched your lips. He sucked on the end of his cigarette, his cheeks hollowing. His eyes met yours, a cloud of smoke leaving his lips. You reached your hand out and caressed his wrist that rested on the table. Arthur tensed up slightly, but eased when you stroked small circles into his worn skin. 

“Arthur, thank you for a great night. I’ve really enjoyed myself,” you smiled.

Arthur grinned, holding back the tears that almost brimmed his eyes. “I have too, Y/N.”

Walking back home, you held hands and shared sweet side glances. You made it back to your building on Anderson Avenue. You squeezed his hand as you rode the elevator together. His cheeks flushed pink and you smiled cheekily. Arthur walked you to your room first. You put his arms around him, resting your head on his shoulder. You could feel Arthur was hesitant on what to do. No one had ever hugged him before besides his mother on occasion. He rested his arms around your waist and pulled your chest flush against his. His cheek laid on the top of your head. 

He had been waiting for this moment. He could feel your body heat radiating, your heart beating softly. You breathed in the fresh scent of your hair. How wonderful it felt to finally hold you. 

“Arthur?” he heard you murmur from his shoulder.

“Yes?” he asked softly.

He felt your head move so he lifted his cheek. You gazed at him, your hands tracing his spine. “Can I… kiss you?” you asked him.

Arthur was speechless. You wanted to kiss him. To kiss you would make his day, his week, his year, his whole life. This would be his first kiss. That was something you hadn’t discovered yet. He was too embarrassed to tell you yet.

Arthur stammered. “Y-yeah. Y/N, y-you can kiss me whenever you want.”

You giggled, pursing your lips and planting them on his. His first instinct was to hold your face in his hands. His thumbs stroked your cheekbones as he kissed back. You hummed into the kiss, clearly enjoying yourself. Your fingers danced up his back and tangled into his hair. Arthur smiled as his lips brushed against yours. You broke away for air, your eyes still shut. You bit your bottom lip as you found his eyes. They were large and puppy-dog like, almost pleading with you to kiss him again. You granted his wish. 

A soft touch halted his memory. You were upright in bed now, brushing his hair away from the nape of his neck. “Good morning, darling,” you whispered, your hot breath giving him goosebumps. You peppered his neck in kisses. “What are you up to?”

Arthur closed the journal with a chuckle. “Just reading some old dreams I had.”

“Oh, yeah?” you enthused. “Do you have a favorite dream?”

Arthur’s gaze locked with yours. “You.”

lovelies who wanted to be tagged: @freewriterofdarkness​ @bring-your-holy-water​ @flowerglitterwoman​ @arthurflecksgirl​ @mr--clown​

[lordxgrinnyxboy]

rewatching The Grinning Man once again,,2am edition,,just through Beauty and the Beast bc i had to give up and go to bed. @past me you really thought you were gonna. ha. haha. who ever said you’re not a funny clown.

‘ye gods’ is fully a tagphrase of barkilphedro’s. bc saying it at least twice makes it definitely a Thing.

josiana says Bark looks like a...~bug~...and ngl the cut of his coat + those limp antenna things on his hat do actually kinda create that effect. they really did make him look like a skittering creature

accidentally paused at such a moment where his head is angled just so and it’s so weird bc u can’t see the paint on his nose at this angle what

i could play barkilphedro. it would be a ghastly shame but i. no. i could though. no i couldn’t. but

everything bark says just sounds very...Like That.

gonna start doing eye makeup like bark’s

i have so many feelings about the fact that Mr. Maskell’s ensemble(?) character and Ms. Obianyo’s ensemble character stand beside each other for this scene

au where Gwyn’s mom lives and the two of them work as performers

no but fully that Green Cowl but also like. Ms. Obianyo’s entire outfit??? that is a Fantastic Look right There right There.

i like how Bark points at an audience member when he says “whose life is even worse than yours”

okay so the mist that comes up when Bark first says “laughter is the best medicine” plus the way Ms. Obianyo’s ensemble character Looks At Him plus the way Ms. Obianyo’s Ensemble Character and Mr. Maskell’s Ensemble Character stand next to each other plus the fact that this is all Barkilphedro telling the story of events he perpetrated and whatnot just generally the whole look of the bit gives me Feelings like these particular two ensemble characters are almost sort of the ghosts of Gwyn’s mom and kinda sorta who Gwyn could’ve been but also not but also Kinda

i’m just so very emotional and love seeing these two together they look amazing and i love them DX

Josiana’s Introduction/Portrait dress looks fantastic and im mad she doesn’t get to keep it

London!Jojo’s costume is better

genuinely still can’t believe Clarence is Ursus

but it’s kinda ironic tho since it’s by Clarence’s orders that Bark was ever in the situation where ‘hmm guess i havvvve to mutilate this kid’s face lol, that’s too bad” was a thought htat occurred to him so i mean both of Ursus’ characters had a hand in what happened

clarence is like “look at my unhappy children/what a tonic for my pain” ursus is like “...” and dea’s like “look at your unhappy children father i dare u”

the lords on palace hill are a gift

Ms. Brisson is just a truly adorable individual i love her ensemble character

also the material on the sort of dress/aprons the Lords wear? the print kind of looks like a map to me but idk if that’s what it is?

Osric’s “Welcome to the Stokes-Croft Faire” is like. one of the top 10 most iconic moments of the show for me negl. maybe even top 5. It’s got this particular energy i can’t describe but it’s So Good

i feel like in this scene like the top half of Mr. Maskell’s face is painted white(er) which looks fabulous once the bandages + cowl are added like heavens above but also with the whole “ooooh that’s the ghost of pre-barkilphedro!Gwynplaine” angle it’s interesting w/how Jojo’s got that bit of white paint/powder as well and it looks like Dirry-Moir’s whole face is painted at least for this number like Ooooh Is That A Lord Thing idk but it’s a Vibe

i once again think it’s interesting that it’s the actors for Angelica and Jojo who are in the picture frame for “Chained Beasts Fighting” considering how Jojo and Angelica seem to for real not get along so well during the play’s events

i’ve another theory abt mr. hubert

bark’s really like all up on Mr Maskensemblecharacter for the “stab an old man with a needle” bit.

i’ve tried so hard to figure out what the heck that could mean but all i can find is “they’re probably referring to murdering ppl with hat pins” u-u

yo the artwork on the walls behind them Wowie

gosh i love Osric

the little dance thing they do after “I’ve got the misery” is something i yearn for like. pls.

idk if anyone gets more into that last Laughter is the Best Medicine choreo than mr. Dirry-Moir like. he is positively Aggressive with it

the drum or whatever makes that little repeating like, three-point, one-two-three over and over toward the peak of this song is like. i don’t know what i was about to say but I Like This Part Of The Song Even Though It Is Very Stressful And Intense

idk man gwyn just looks Really Good when ursus pulls back that curtain like idk if it’s the way he’s standing or the way he’s moving however slightly or what he’s doing with his hands but like. A+ Gwynlit you look fantastic right here

i like how initially he looks just at Ursus but then kind of looks directly into the camera. sort of fancy the notion that in order to get through shows Gwyn’s kind of particular about where he looks and will try to focus on Ursus and Dea as much as possible but otherwise kind of just tries to not really See the audience maybe or something

oh hey that’s Born Broken that’s music boxing hangon lemme go back what plays for

i don’t reckona- give me a minute - i don’t. recognize. there we go. the music box sound that  plays for gwyn

dea is So Pretty

“I shall put my money where my mouth is” dirry-moir that is a most unfortunate turn of phrase

ngl gwyn always looks like he’s having a good time doing up the Drama for his act as Clarence

shadow!gwyn’s hair is next level kinds of floofy magnificence

even his bandages look amazing

“Sonny” :}

no but when Gwyn walks little puppet!Gwyn up the ramp to the ship but Dea’s helping and so they wind up standing Very Close and there’s Height Difference i’m sorry but they are Adorable

i reall like the ocean effect they do

Dea’s cowl look is Exquisite

can’t actually remember for real for real but i’m fairly confident that Mr. Maskell’s “MOTHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER MOTHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER” was at least 67% of what initially forced me to fall in love with this show so Thank You Mr. Maskell For That

the cowl + bandages just looks so good i don’t know what to say. that’s a Look right there. the eye makeup? the hair? The Bandages and Cowl? I’m sorry who says this is not a handsome boy?

he looks amzing

puppet!gwyn constantly looks like he’s got one eyebrow raised thanks to how the eye area is carved

i want to know how Ursus thought he wasn’t going to wind up with a couple of the most dramatic chidlren on the earth like when did he think there was a chance they wouldn’t both turn out Dramatic

high note hazlit has arrived

i wish that in the Osric Raises Gwyn au there was some way for Osric to meet like Ghost!Hazlit or i don’t even know but. they need. to meet each other.

Osric’s got vibes and i don’t know what they are but they’re so powerful and they move me to intense affection

it’s Ridiculously Tall-looking Gwyn time. he goes to stand up straight and keeps on Extending

he really just keeps his eyes on the puppet at all times tho

“your little hat can find out what it means” i know he said ‘heart’ but he said ‘hat’ gwyn needs a hat send tweet

book gwyn got to have a hat

don’t worry gwynlit osric’s gonna take care of that in the au

dea’s so cute

so when Ursus says “for certain, it would be no man” is that like a heads-up that they changed the wolf’s name bc now it isn’t Homo anymore or

it’s 3am now and im only 20 minutes in help me dea

forearms

the “No” “Yes, yes” when Ursus first gives him the Crimson Lethe kills me every single time bro.

how long is this post do i need to shut up yet

i’ve babbled for longer before i think we’re good

And Ursus Gave The Boy A Name. A Cruel Name. A Name That Means “Wow That Debilitating Wound Carved Into Your Actual Face Must Hurt Pretty Bad Huh Kidlet”

arms

still mad about the fact that Ursus mentions “Melt into mist/no longer exist” and Barkilphedro uses those Exact Words

i always assume they’re talkin about going to Murca but i mean technically anywhere could be the ‘new world’ huh

forearm

see the one thing i

when he says “we’ll come back to the place where once we were lost in the snow” now im thinking about adult!lord!Gwyn revisiting like. the actual place. where it all Happened like. imagine adult!Gwyn going back to the gallows-site and just.

under angelica’s reign it’s probably converted into a memorial instead ofc and is no longer a gallows-site but still

puppet!Dea doesn’t wear shoes

when puppet!Dea first goes “Mojo?” puppet!Gwyn kinda reaches toward her for a sec like he’s Concerned

Dirry-Moir waving at Dea like he’s trying to figure if she really is blind smh

cowl gwyn is such a phenomenal look

GWYN DOES THE FOOT WIGGLE DURING THE BEAUTY AND THE BEAST SCENE I JUST NOW NOTICED

HIS FOOT IS ACTUALLY FLAT ON THE GROUND SO INSTEAD OF IT BEING A LITTLE HEEL SHAKE IT’S MORE LIKE A LIL ANKLE TWISTY BUT. !!

puppet!Gwyn fiddles with his shirt/vest a lot

forearm

the lil motion with his head after the Kiss tho rlly does look suspicious like the “twinge (of unspeakable agony)” motion tho

love how Osric just runs along to go with to see the rest of the show like. he’s into it.