#a true 10/10 casting choice

[adridoesstuff]

Today's thoughts are all about Pavel Režný as Smrt <3 A true icon

[itwoodbeprefect]

scene that is forever stuck in my head. how'd you go about separating yours from mine? it was easy. i used a crowbar. ghhgrrh

[shsl-analyzer-guy]

got a totally random rush of Emotions about Chihiro's gender so hi let's talk about how the entire account of Chihiro 'totally being a cis dude guys' is told by Monokuma, the guy that later goes on to fake a suicide note and falsify an entire class trial just to be pissy. Ah yes top 10 most reliable narrators ever of all time, yes, yes, very convincing

Not to mention in the exact same fucking motive he's very obviously purposefully warping the truth and lying to the cast's faces?? Within the 'embarrassing memories' motive Mondo's is a warped version of the truth. "Mondo killed his own brother" but he didn't, and just about everyone is able to grasp that one. He indirectly led to the accident, but Daiya made his own choices. So wouldn't the same logic apply to Chihiro's motive? "He dresses like a girl but actually is a boy" sounds like you're actively warping her own life experience to send her into Despair.... which is Monokuma's primary character motive.... crazy how that works........

And now, a compilation of every line Chihiro delivers in her own backstory, without the narrative padding from Monokuma explaining to you why this is totally her hating being a woman and wanting to be a man

"Now nobody will be able to say anything about 'even though you're a boy'..."

"I'm... weak... Weak, weak, weak, weak, weak, weak, weak, weak...!"

"Now's my chance..."

"I'm going to get stronger... and accept who I am..."

"Strong enough so that when someone says 'even though you're a boy' it'll be okay. I'll get better!"

"Maybe talking to Mondo about it will help give me some courage..."

So yeah, once you pull out the unreliable narrator. You get like, 6 lines total. 1/3 of which specify that she IS AFRAID of people saying "even though you're a boy". Now, call me crazy, but if we're genuinely arguing that Chihiro is a cisgendered man, why the hell would she say the equivalent of "I need to accept being a boy. Gee, I sure hope no one calls me a boy while I do so!" That's. That's inherently contradictory. More than anything, looking at Chihiro's lines as the most reliable source of Chihiro's thoughts about herself, it starts to look less and less like a man who wants to rise above being gnc and be a true manly man, and more like someone who's about to get fucking outed and mocked by Monokuma and trying to do damage control, steeling herself to be called a man and strengthening her mind and body to prepare for said outing.

Earlier in chapter 2, Chihiro is already thinking of starting to try working out, but is too afraid to enter the lockers because she's well-aware she can only enter the boys' locker rooms. The inference that Makoto comes to is that Chihiro is an individual trapped in a killing game that couldn't defend herself verbally in the library the morning prior, and is visibly the physically weakest in the class. Ergo, perhaps she wants to be able to defend herself better? Well, neither of those facts that lead to said inference magically change after the discovery of her dick, so perchance, the reason she wanted to get stronger was still so she could defend herself both verbally and physically?? The ONLY reason you'd have to come to the conclusion she wants to reconnect with her assigned sex is because she is being actively threatened into it by Monokuma's motive, or if you take Monokuma's story at his word, that he'd speak respectfully of the dead. Just like he did with every other character in that game, right?

Also, it's worth noting that in the actual conversation-turned-spiral between Chihiro and Mondo before Chihiro's death, neither Chihiro nor Mondo actually talk about Chihiro's gender, only her strength and desire to destroy her weakness. Yes, Mondo is using he/him in the voiceover, but the entire class is atp, and again. Using that as genuine evidence falls flat because we see in that very same scene that Mondo WAS NOT completely present for that conversation. He saw Chihiro's willpower and spiraled, conflating Chihiro with his brother and lashing out in a ptsd-induced blackout.

Also also, if you're gonna argue Chihiro has no reason to need to get physically stronger unless it's to be more masculine, A) Sakura exists in the same game, and B) please god look up any statistics on the amount of violence trans teens receive. That alone is a perfectly reasonable justification for a trans woman to want to be able to defend herself, especially when locked in a place where you cannot escape your potential aggressors.

TLDR Chihiro is legitimately more believable as a trans woman, and every intervention attempting to explain otherwise comes from a character defined by his love of twisting the truth for the sake of causing suffering. Hi hello does anyone hear me

[succulentsiren]

CHARACTERISTICS OF A WINNERS MINDSET

The Siren archetype is the perfect example of utilizing a Winners Mindset and believing that "Everything I Touch Turns To Gold."

No matter what the Siren moves with the mindset of {I've already won}. The Siren doesn't rush nor compare themselves self to others. They are in a relaxed and steady lane of their own.

Read the Siren Poem.

Characteristics:

1. An Abundant Mindset

Having an abundance mindset is being able to see the world through eyes of abundance. Majority of people move through the chaos of the world with a defeated attitude but the Winner glides through life seeing opportunity in all things. Unfortunate events are bound to happen but the Winner stays positive regardless of these temporary circumstances. They are able to see themselves winning before it even happens.

These are the types of people that could be going through the worst experience of their life but remain relaxed and carefree. Others are often complexed at how unbothered they are. But as mentioned above, the Winner knows they've ALREADY WON. They continue to celebrate life and don't take a moment for granted.

2. Capability

Winners know that they are capable of manifesting their desired results. They visualize their goal and take consistent action to get there.

When manifesting they speak, think and move as if they already have their desired result. Instead of thinking how they're going to get there, they think from the end because they are certain of their success.

3. A Worthy Attitude.

Winners Know Their Worth.

Instead of running from the spotlight and shrinking, Winners allow themselves to be seen.

They feel fear, but act anyways.

Instead of letting guilt get in the way, Winners are opening to receiving gifts, rewards and praise.

They have mastered the Art of Receiving.

Instead of begging and pleading for results, Winners make commands.

Ex: DON'T SAY "Please let me get approved to have this car. I hope it works"

SAY "I'm so grateful that this is my car."

DON'T SAY "I can't." "It's Hard."

SAY "It's too easy!" "I have what it takes."

Don't engage in negative talk. If you think and speak negatively that's what will manifest in your life. When you speak in abundance and opportunity that's what will manifest into your life.

Winners have a heightened sense of confidence and have activated their IT Factor.

4. Speak Highly to Self and of Self.

The tongue holds power and your words are the spells you cast.

Many people are too reckless in their word choices and use their craft to hurt themselves. This careless behavior brings more unfortune into their lives. The Winner however, never uses their power of spell-casting to hurt themselves.

Winners use their power to uplift their spirits and create their dream reality. They give themselves compliments and are good at receiving them as well. They can motivate themselves to achieve goals or get themselves out of a rot. They don't make self deprecating remarks. They know that their faults are also their strengths.

5. Make Plans and Be Disciplined.

Chess not checkers.

Achieving things in life requires patience, persistence and effort. Winners create schedules and plans and stay true to the commitment. This allows them to build self respect and character.

Advice:

Instead of doing everything all at once, set aside time each day, even if it's 10 minutes, to put effort towards your goals. No more no less.

When you're filled with doubt do not let that get in the way of getting to your goal. Train yourself to put your emotions aside for awhile and focus. Remind yourself that you are indeed capable and the perfect person to make your dreams happen.

6. Calm and Assured.

Winners have low anxiety because they are able to control it with a assured and calm outlook. There's is no need for them to rush, panic, worry or compete with others. Instead of thinking of the worst scenario think of the best outcome that can occur.

[phan3145]

Title: Slippery Slope. Fandom: Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes. Rating: T. ( Implications, Possessive and aggressive behavior ) Pairing: Eventual Noa x Human!Reader.

***Notes: I will be going on a HIATUS for a few weeks. Work is switching over tech this week to new software I need to learn, and then next week is my one year anniversary with my husband. We are going to swim with dolphins at Discovery Cove in Florida! I’m excited, but I’ll be writing in my free time and banking chapters so everyone will have more regular Wednesday updates when I return. Until then, thank you to everyone who has been reading and commenting up to this point. You all mean the world to me ❤️

Chapter 10: Bad Words, Bad Feelings

Noa

When she turned, the look in her eyes had him wanting to kneel on all fours in submission. Ridiculous. He was Master of Birds, he submitted to no one. Anaya did not have the same title as him, actively looking down and shuffling back a step. He would have teased him for it, for his submission to an Echo, if the next step she took did not have him questioning his own assurance. He fought his spine’s urge to bend, remaining upright by sheer will.

Her anger was somewhat confusing, but it became clearer as she demanded, “Is that what I am to you? A pest?”

Ah. That seemed to be the cause of her mood shift. He tried to explain the situation, hoping to calm her, “Humans are…considered pests…to my clan…they have never met…a good Echo…that could speak.”

Unfortunately, this did the opposite of what he had intended. She took another step towards him, hands balled into fists at her sides. He knew she was not foolish enough to try to fight him, let alone hit him, but the idea itself was amusing to think about. He recalled her nails digging into his shoulders a few days ago, that was probably the most pain she could inflict on him if she tried. Still, he had seen that look in her eyes once before. Only once, during a time in his life that seemed so long ago now. It was when Mae had killed Lightening, using her human weapon to save Soona. It was angry, it was resolute, and there was a trace of fear behind it all.

“If we’re such pests, and you had to convince your elders, then why even bring me?” She asked, shuffling in place as if she couldn’t decide if she wanted to take another step forward or go back.

“I had…no choice,” he admitted. “You…saved my life…you..spend time with…Master of Birds…but do not…show yourself…makes apes…uneasy.”

“No choice…” she muttered, looking away from him and back towards the village.

He could see many expressions dance across her face, her eyes distant as she seemed to be thinking on his words. Whether that was a good or bad thing, he could not say. He noticed the muscle along her jaw become more prominent, before her head snapped back to him like a cobra strike, eyes holding heat worse than fire. This time, he did flinch back. It was scary, how Echos could be calm and docile, then turn like a wild animal ready to defend its existence. He did not understand it.

Her voice raised, louder than he had heard it before, “No choice? There’s always a choice! There should always be a choice. What frustrates me the most about this, is you say you didn’t have one, but I know that’s not true! You’re the Master of Birds, no one…higher than me, remember? You expect me to believe you didn’t have a choice?”

He could not meet her eye, casting his gaze downwards. He had a choice. Of course he did…though it really did not feel like one. He had responsibilities now, he was no longer a youngling. He could not keep running off with his Sunset Brother and Sister to visit a strange Echo as if his life had no purpose. The clan demanded more of him, they needed a leader who was present. Anaya and Soona deserved better from their leader too, having to assist him on days they did not see you to make up for the days they did. They each would hunt and gather food equal to three apes, while he tended to eagles and prepared for Big Climbs of this season’s apes.

Though she also assisted with gathering, there was only so much an Echo and three horses could carry. It would be better if he could bring a larger party, but that meant not seeing his Echo, or worse, scaring her. That is what it came down to. He was choosing her comfort- choosing her, over his clan. If she could just meet them, maybe even be accepted as part of his clan, then he would not have to choose. There would be no choice.

The elders of course, were the cause of this. They learned of his meetings with an Echo, smelling her on him when he returned from their visit to the library. They ‘advised’ him to either chase her away, to avoid further distraction, or present her to them so that they may learn her scent and know her. She was not a threat of course, so that should be no problem. The real problem was, if her first exposure to apes of the clan after everything she had been through was the elders, then she would never come back. The elders were…elders. They would not treat her with the respect she deserved immediately, if at all. They still did not care for Humans. Mae certainly had not helped his cause either. He thought his mother, the younglings, and a few apes only a season or two younger than him might be enough to sway her opinion in a positive favor towards his clan.

She scoffed, his continued silence stretching too long for her liking. “I knew it. And when we first met you accused me of being a liar.”

“I did not…lie.” He growled, gaze jumping back to hers. He made sure his canines were not bared, anger creeping up on him now as he confessed, “The other option…was not a choice…I had to…think of my clan.”

“Of course! Oh, and since we’re on the subject of choice,” she was quick to add. “Were you going to give me a choice? You didn’t think it might be important to tell me that you were blindly leading me to your village of apes?”

Shame burned the pit of his stomach, knowing he was untrue when it came to this. She was right, and oh, how he hated it. Still, he could only argue, “Thought…it would be better…if I did not…if you could…only meet apes.”

“I have met apes, Noa.” She hissed, teeth bared now as she paced towards him, stopping with only a few inches separating them.

Any other time, he would enjoy being this close, her scent becoming this familiar yet ever changing thing that he had memorized countless versions of. It brought comfort to him, certain scents of hers calling forth memories he had shared with her in private. He did not understand how or why her scent was not constant, but he decided he did not dislike it. At present, her being this close, hissing and baring her teeth? Her scent was an unwelcome distraction, forcing him to fight the natural instinct to bare his own canines and force her to yield to him. He did not like this feeling of having to defend himself from her. It was not natural, as an ape or as her companion.

“You know I’ve met apes before. You also know what they took from me, and what that has done to me.” She continued, voice lowering. It was softer in volume, but harder in tone, like it was coming from the back of her throat. It sounded hurt. “You know this, because I told you. I told you because I trusted you. I have never trusted an ape like I trusted you. That’s because you were never like them, Noa. Never. Not once.”

He felt his own rising anger cool and mellow, hearing her praise him even while hurt by his actions. She wasn’t done though, “Today was different…you were different. Instead of setting yourself apart like you always do, instead of being the Noa I’ve come to know…you took the choice away from me. You decided for me because you believed that you knew better. This is why I live alone, no one gets to make decisions for me. Especially not an ape.”

“Trying to fix…” He began, but she cut him off.

“You don’t get to argue this!” She said, raising a finger to point at him, “Just because I trusted you, doesn’t mean you suddenly get to make decisions for me. You’re trying to fix something that’s not broken! The way I react, the way I am, it’s what keeps me alive! But why am I surprised? This is the way apes are. With enough power and time, you and your clan will become just like them.”

The words stung, and he gritted his teeth, lips pulled down as far as he could over them, “Not..true.”

“No?” She questioned, “How are you any different? You and your clan already see humans as pests, something lesser than you, to be chased away. Do you think that’s any different from how they saw me?”

A part of him recoiled on the inside, remembering similar words he had spoken to Raka regarding Echos. He did not know then, but he knew now, and that is not how he saw her. “You are not lesser…but you are…alone…you do not have to be…apes in clan would…welcome you.”

“You think so?” She challenged.

“Know…they would.” He replied, “Anaya…and Soona did.”

Her eyes cut then to Anaya, who was swaying on his feet, arms tucked into his chest, taking in everything happening around him. He looked as if he wanted to leave, but also would not tear himself away from their Echo while she was upset. He had become strangely loyal to her…though maybe he was not the only one. Her gaze returned to him, something underlying in her tone as she argued, “Not every ape is like Anaya and Soona.”

“Come and…see for yourself.” He tried, grasping for her. His palm connected with hers, and he had just started to curl his fingers around her wrist, when she swiftly ripped her hand away. She avoided his touch, a first for them, and took several steps back, completely out of his reach. He saw her overlap both arms across her chest, hiding her hands away from him within the crook of her elbows.

It was another sting, but he refused to chase after her. “You said…did not give you…a choice…I chose…because I know…you would have…chosen to run…like you always do.”

Her eyes went almost comically wide before narrowing, “Excuse me?”

“You are…afraid.” He continued, thinking he could potentially goad her into following him. “Ridiculous…dumb…Eagle Clan…would not harm you…yet Echo is…scared…so scared…always scared…of apes…jumbled.”

With every word her breathing increased, hands clenching and jaw tightening. Anaya, seeing the same thing he did, grunted, “Noa…stop.”

He raised his arms, keeping them wide as he challenged, “Prove…wrong.”

She stood there, unblinking as she stared him down. He thought she would march back up the hill, so strong willed and stubborn when she wanted to be. A few more silent moments passed before she finally decided to respond. He could not have predicted the next words out of her mouth.

“No.” She said, no anger or malice in her tone. It was flat, emotionless. That scared him.

His arms bent, lowering slowly as he parroted, confused, “No?”

Her steps were strong, purposeful, her shoulders back and head raised as she devoured the distance she had placed between them. Though her movements were not threatening by any means, he tried to keep some space between them, feeling his breath become heavy in his chest when a tree suddenly met his back. There was something about her now, this new stance, that made his own mind jumbled. He forced himself to focus as she spoke, “No. I do not have to prove anything to you, I owe you absolutely nothing. Not my time, not my attention, not my life, and certainly not my trust.”

His brows furrowed, “You…would rather run away…than trust my clan…trust that I…would not let anything…happen to you?”

Her words were scathing as she answered. “Let me explain this to you in a way your chimp brain can understand. I want nothing to do with your clan…or you, Master of Birds.”

“Echo does not…mean that.” Anaya interjected, finally stepping forward and somewhat in between the two of them. “Echo is…upset…Noa is wrong.”

He huffed at that, “Echo thinks…but it is true…she will always…be afraid…if she runs now.”

She pivoted around Anaya as he attempted to edge her away from him. “What are you trying to accomplish here? Do you think I’ll meet your clan and just forget what happened to me? Or are you naïve enough to think your clan will suddenly accept an Echo pest because you told them to? I’m not an ape!”

“As good as,” he countered.

She scoffed, “Is that meant to be a compliment or an insult?”

“Only human…would think being called ape…is an insult.” He snorted, realizing how this was the first time in a very long while he referred to her as a human and not an Echo. When he had actually begun to separate the two terms, he was not sure. “Having the mark…will be enough…for most to…accept you.”

Her hand rose to her crown, eyes narrowing in what he believed was confusion, “The mark is enough? Why? Because there is no other ape who currently has it?”

He puffed out air from his cheeks and rolled his eyes at that, “Echo is naïve…there has never been…anything other than ape…to wear the mark.”

“So, what?” She shrugged, “I’m the first Echo, that doesn’t change anything.”

“Changes everything!” He snarled, the fact she didn’t understand the importance of her situation frustrated him. “You are not only first Echo…but first outsider to wear it…only meant for apes…of the Eagle Clan...symbol of belonging...stronger than…my word as leader…cannot be undone…once honor has been granted…that is why…I did not want to give it…in the first place.”

There was silence, her body almost going slack, allowing Anaya to push her back a few steps with ease. She looked surprised, as if a tree limb had smacked her during a climb, one she did not see. He had seen that look many times before. Even Anaya, noticing her expression, simply let his hands rest on her arm. She was far enough away now not to be considered a challenge, his mind reeling before quickly righting itself. He knew better, with humans, they were more of a challenge when they were silent than when they spoke. He waited for another turn, for her to lash out when the shock wore off.

“That’s why Soona and Anaya…” she trailed off. “Why give it to me then? You didn’t want to, and it’s not as if I was aware of what it meant.”

Still, she did not understand! She was important to Anaya and Soona, and whether he liked it or not, she was important to him. She was not an ape and she was not part of his clan, but with her defense of them from the boar, she had earned it. There were witnesses, and Soona had called upon him as a worthy leader to bestow it. He had been unsure when both Soona and Anaya pushed for the honor to be bestowed. It was not as simple as it being against The Law, that would have made his argument easy, it had never been done before! He believed it impossible.

To make it possible, he had practically re-written The Law for her. His first true act as leader; not to present a new birth to the clan, or celebrate a completed bonding of ape and eagle, but to bestow the mark of Eagle Protector on an Echo! The elders passed must have felt great shame- it was completely against ape tradition. He was more ashamed that he was not more true when the time came. He tried, but when Anaya had asked him to vocalize the reason for his refusal, he could not. He was too afraid that to say she was not ape, would hurt her. Ridiculous. She was not, she said it herself just now.

It was his own jumbled spirit that lead to his decision to honor her. He had been terrified for her safety when she had taken his horse and engaged in battle with the boar. He felt helpless, Anaya and Soona too far away to coordinate with, and no trees for him to use to assist her if she needed it. He owed her his life already, but more than that, there was a fire inside of him that screamed out that she was his to protect, and he was hers. It had been a dull sound in the back of his mind since they met, which became louder the more time he spent with her. It had reached deafening heights when he saw her body hit the ground and then go still, blocking out everything else around him as he ran to her.

He had been so angry, and so relieved to see that she was mostly fine. He was more impressed by her display of capability, that he knew that to not honor her would be wrong. It had soothed that fire inside him, to see her wearing his mark, but that same screaming terror returned when he could not wake her later that night. The only thing he had been able to think about while she slept was what would have happened if she had been alone in the same situation. She was so smart, protecting and providing for herself, which was appealing, very admirable in an Echo alone. It was not suitable. She needed someone to take care of her, to provide for her, at least in times when she was sick or injured. She was more than worthy of a capable mate to live out her days with. Someone should take care of her.

“Noa!” She snapped, pulling him from his thoughts. He was no closer to understanding the right thing to say as she looked at him. Her eyes were full of hurt and betrayal, her body looking as if it was on the verge of collapse. “Answer me. Tell me why!”

“Sh-Shelter is not…home.” He began, carefully. He did not want to be at odds with her, and he did not want to hurt her. He needed her to understand, to know that what he did, he did with good intentions. “Echo would be…difficult to accept…apes do not trust…Echo for…good reason…but if Echo arrived…wearing mark of Eagle clan…mark of honor…then you would be welcomed as any other…clan member would.”

Her eyes narrowed, “You gave me the mark so they would know I’m trustworthy, that I’m not dangerous?”

“You are…dangerous.” He amended, “Mark…shows that…but to wear it…also shows that… you would…one day welcome…a place not only…amongst the three of us…but amongst the clan…a bond…belonging…a home.”

“I would never join your clan,” she spat quickly. She found her strength again, his careful wording seeming to cause that other turn he had been concerned about. She swatted Anaya’s hand away as he attempted to pull her back once more. “Stop touching me Anaya! What do you think I’m going to do to Noa?”

“Sorry,” Anaya grunted. “Not afraid…of what…you will do.”

Her brow raised at that turning from Anaya to him, “Really? Does that mean I should be afraid of what you will do, Noa?”

“Petty human,” he muttered, his instincts flaring once more at her obvious aggression.

“What was that?” She mocked, “I couldn’t hear you over your own pride!”

He was done holding back, she certainly was not. What good had it done him anyway? The more he tried to reason with her, the more she gnashed her teeth. Might as well be the brutish ape she was accusing him of being. He raised himself to his full height, pushing back from the tree and bridging the small distance Anaya had managed to put between them, baring his canines as he roared, “You are ungrateful…selfish…only care for yourself!”

She pushed her shoulders back, stepping forward to be toe to toe with him, not afraid to look him directly in the eye as she screamed back, “Ungrateful? Selfish? Are you sure that’s not you? I don’t care? You forget, I taught you how to read!”

She had him there, but something was wrong with his mind. He could not concede, he needed to win now. “Better off…thanks to apes…would not leave…your hole in the ground…without us!”

“Better off? Better off! I was just fine before you came into my life!” Her eyes were red, but there were no tears, not yet, and he had to wonder if Echo’s cried when they were angry too. “Can you say the same?”

“Yes!” He answered, without really thinking about it. “If Echo was not here…would make life…much easier!”

“If Echo was not here, you would be dead!” Her voice cracked as she screamed that final word.

There was silence for a few racing heartbeats. She seemed to be panting, and it was echoing in the forest around them. No, that was his own breaths. He was panting just as hard as she was, anger physically rolling off of them both. She would not bend, and he would not bend. He felt the fingers of his left hand twitch, something in him whispering that he should make her bend. His canines were pushed further into his gums then, he ground them in harshly, attempting to force that thought from his mind.

What she said was true, and that brought him pleasure as much as it brought him frustration. Those two emotions were mingling his thoughts together, and her scent-…it was different today. Past the bitter and sour smell of her anger, there was something else. It was the same smell as before. The one that made him want to get closer to her, made him lose the ability to speak, but this time it was…more. It was something he wanted to investigate, to understand. Where was it coming from? How much closer would he need to be to find it? She was practically on top of him now, and still he felt too…

Too close. He was too close.

He was breaking an unspoken promise right now, and if she were not so angry she would know that too. Angry…she was too angry. He was too jumbled to think clearly, and her scent was too enticing. He needed to get her away somehow. He would not touch her, fearing that would only make things worse between them. He could only speak a half truth now, hoping to push her away using his words like he had before.

“No longer…in danger,” he huffed. “Do not…need Echo…to be here…anymore.”

“Fine!” She growled, turning abruptly away from him, “Then I won’t be here! You don’t need anything from me, and I don’t need anything from you!”

“Noa…Echo please…stop.” Anaya pleaded, following alongside her, “Both are…untrue…bad words…from bad feelings…friends do not…mean it.”

She stopped, turning abruptly to Anaya, eyes searching for something in his features. Her brows furrowed and her face crumpled, “I wish I could believe that.”

Anaya visibly shrunk, releasing sorrowful hoots, looking helplessly between their Echo and him. He snorted through his nose, unwilling to back down. She was wrong. He was wrong too, but he believed he had more than earned her trust. She obviously did not trust either of them as much as she said she did. If she did, she would have agreed to go to the village. She turned then, eyeing him up and down before raising a shaking hand to her head.

Shaking? When did that start?

She removed his gift, hair sticking up in places as she gently pulled it away. She stared at it, thumb grazing over the eagle mark. He saw the sadness reflected in her gaze, before she tossed it at his feet. It landed in front of him with a dull thud, mocking him as a dirt cloud swirled up around it. He felt the anger and desire to win melt away from him, eyes seeking hers out as his jaw went slack. Something in his chest physically hurt now, feeling as if he was back in that burning tower, plummeting to the ground and unable to do anything to stop it.

“Echo…?” Anaya questioned, hesitating as he watched her. She turned to his Sunset brother, mournful smile obvious as she reached for his neck and brought her head forward to meet his. He heard her whisper something to Anaya, but could not tell what it was. As she pulled away, Anaya’s hand hovered over her arm, but he chose at the last second not to touch her. Anaya turned to him then, begging, “Noa…fix…please.”

He reached down to pick up the crown, straightening up and locking gazes with her once more. She was watching him, her anger seeming to have completely vanished. With his own mysteriously missing, all that was left now was regret and shame. He did not know what to say, how to stop this, or how to fix it. She visibly swallowed, tears clear in her eyes, “I don’t need it. I don’t belong to…your clan.”

He could not argue with her. Her words were true, but there was a strange ache in his chest that told him those were not the words she wished to say. Instead, he nodded. He thought he heard a high pitched noise, like a whimper from her, but it was so faint it could have been his imagination. He opened his mouth, but found words had deserted him again. They had fled to her, as she hummed, “It was nice while it lasted…goodbye, Noa.”

The words caused him to feel cold, an awful realization dawning on him. Did she mean forever? She turned and began to walk away. Was she leaving for good? He had to know! He called after her, first using the term Echo, but when she did not react, he called her name. Still, she did not stop.

He called her name again, “Stop…come back!”

He took several large steps to try to bridge the space between them, when she suddenly became a blur of movement. She had crouched to the ground, straightening up and spinning around at the same time, before he felt an intense pain in his jaw. His left hand came up to clutch his muzzle, hearing Anaya gasp and screech, jumping back a few paces.

He looked down, finding a stone at his feet. His movements were sluggish now, head turning up to see her arm raised, another matching stone resting in her palm. It was poised to be thrown. The surprise was so intense he could not find it within himself to react. She on the other hand, was still shaking, shifting from foot to foot, arm still raised. It shook too. Her breathing was shallow as she said, “I’m leaving. You can’t stop me, so don’t try to.”

He nodded again, huffing several times through his nose while backing away from her. Anaya shuffled over to stand next to him, looking just as shocked as he felt. Her shaking became less intense, but did not stop. She finally lowered her arm, eyes darting to the stone in her hand before shifting to the one on the ground. She looked distraught as she stared at it. Did she not know she had thrown it at him? Had she acted out of instinct?

One thing was for certain, she was leaving. She had dropped the rock in her hand and taken off in a full sprint before he could blink. She was soon out of their line of sight, and that seemed to finally shake Anaya out of his silence. He looked to Noa, confused and upset. He screeched, slamming his fists on the ground, before turning and racing back up the hill on all fours. He called out, much louder than he had heard him screech before, “Soona!…Soona!”

No matter how many seasons passed, he would be able to recognize that sound. By the way he was calling her name, by the tone of his voice, he knew that it would not lead to good things. He chased after Anaya, yelling, “Anaya…no…Anaya…stop!”

“Soona!” He screeched louder, creating even more distance between them as he ran. Anaya was still faster than him. He would never be able to catch him as he continued to call, “Soona…Soona…Echo gone!”

He was definitely in trouble.

…

Soona was screeching at him before he could even get a word in. Not for the first time, he cursed Anaya’s natural ability to run fast and speak faster when he wanted to.

“Why would you…say that…to her?” Soona asked, throwing an old piece of nesting at him.

He had brought them into the eagle tower, not wanting Anaya to panic half the village, or worse, alert the elders to her absence. Apes never needed privacy, but at the moment, he could not face any other after what he had done. He hung his head, whispering, “I do not…know…thought I could…convince her…she is usually…not like that.”

“Why was she?” Soona wondered, sitting down next to him, her own annoyance subdued. “I have…never seen her…angry…or upset.”

“Noa…knows.” Anaya accused, sitting away from him, crouched on the floor with his arms around his knees. The stance was a familiar one of mourning, and somehow this hit him harder than the Echo’s rock. Anaya refused to even look in his direction as he added, “Noa knows…about Echo…and apes…something not good.”

Soona turned her head, raising her brows, “Noa…?”

“Anaya…speaks true,” he said. Whether she returned or not, he decided that for the sake of understanding what went wrong, he would need to reveal her story. “We are not…the first apes…she has met.”

Soona was quiet next to him, but Anaya turned abruptly to face him. He still looked upset, but pushed himself to his feet, moving closer to Noa before asking, “Was…a pet?”

He was surprised by Anaya’s words, huffing, “How…do you know?”

“Guess,” Anaya said. “You are not…the only one���who speaks with her.”

He hesitated now, the statement catching him off guard. He knew that Anaya was close with her, but the moments he had shared with her, he wondered if she had shared similar moments with Anaya. When? When would they have had the opportunity? He recalled Anaya returning his arm band, not thinking anything of it when he mentioned finding their Echo by the water. He obviously did not know the whole story, but she must have trusted him with some of it, for Anaya to know the Echo’s meaning of that word.

Soona nudged him then, his original thoughts returning. “She told me…the night…after the boar attack…felt like a secret…so I did not speak of it after…she agreed that it was best…not to.”

“But you decided first,” Anaya grunted.

He felt his own brows furrow, “What…does that…matter?”

Anaya huffed, turning away, “Echo does not…like decisions being made…for her…yet you do…all the time.”

“I am…Master of Birds…need to decide things…sometimes.” He defended.

Soona shoved his shoulder, taking him off guard, “Still…dumb male…she is not…part of the clan…yet…you cannot…decide things for her…honor means…nothing.”

“Noa dumb,” Anaya agreed. “Echo…did not like…surprise…did not want to…be taken to village…Anaya said…so too.”

“I thought,” he defended. “If she did not…have time to…think about it…could see how…peaceful apes are…she would...be okay.”

“She met…apes before.” Soona asked, “That were not…peaceful…like…Proximus?”

He shuffled, arms folding around his own knees as he confessed, “I think…worse.”

[assumptionprime]

I adore your take on DS2 and wanted to know what ur thoughts were on Elden Ring and/or DS 3!

(also I have been loving ur comics!!!)

First off: Thank you! Glad you like my comics! <3

I mentioned it briefly in the DS2 post, and it's been said by others, but Dark Souls 3 is about ending Dark Souls. And it does that very well. The "time and space is falling apart and that's why the geography is like that" that people sometimes say about DS2 is literally, textually true in 3. The Dreg Heap is a pile of other, older Dark Souls areas collapsing in on each other. This world has been going on and on, repeating and prolonging the Age of Fire that should have ended long ago, and it's just breaking down. You can't keep the same thing going forever, that's true in the universe of the story, and of a franchise of dark fantasy action RPGs.

It's kind of funny and also impressive that Miyazaki and the team hit that point, saying if they keep doing this it's going to fall apart, on game three of the franchise. There's so many series out there that will pump out game after game of the same stuff, to the point they stop numbering them and give them subtitles to hide the fact that they're on game 23 of this thing, and FromSoft said "three's our limit for this one" and gave us the greatest hits final bow before moving on to new different takes on their subgenre of games.

Enter Elden Ring! The game that got me into FromSoft games. Every time people talked about Dark Souls it was always about how hard they were, and the whole "git gud" mentality, which made them seem like they would 100% be not my kind of thing. But I am an absolute sucker for a fantasy open world, so I dipped my toes into Elden Ring, and really enjoyed it! Being able to just go exploring and do something else whenever I got stuck was a huge plus, as are spirit ash summons. The game is hard, for sure, but there's also a lot of ways to ease that difficulty (not eliminate it, but ease it (also there's no excuse to not have a pause button, that's stupid, don't @ me))

As far as lore and storytelling, Elden Ring has a lot of cool stuff (that's my wife Ranni, my cool witch wife Ranni) but I don't know that I have so definite a "take" on its story. It goes back to the Dark Souls 1 and 3 well of "some important shit happened, go kill this list of bosses about it" but I appreciate that you have a lot more choice in regards to your ending. It's not "link the fire or don't" it's "you're creating a new age, what do you want that age to be like?" with a few compelling choices and some evil bastard ones for fun.

Assorted side thoughts:

FP is better than spell uses. More convenient, more flexible, lets you focus on Mind to allow yourself to cast more spells.

All of my first playthroughs were sword and board, both because of caution going in and because I like the "knight with a sword and shield" aesthetic.

Related to the last point, Guard Counters are a great addition in ER, and the "Sekiro style block" crystal tear for the Physick in the DLC should have been a talisman or something permanent, to just make that a play style people can use.

The Alva Armor rules, 10/10 best fit in Dark Souls

I really like Shadow of the Erdtree, but it is the absolute limit on the current version of Souls-game mechanics. Not everyone is Let Me Solo Her, and between both the extremely punishing difficulty and the becoming more repetitive nature of a lot of the boss design, they need to change up the combat to keep things going. Sekiro seems to be a step in that direction from what I hear?

No boss fight in any video game has ever made me feel as cool as Slave Knight Gael in the DS3 DLC. It just worked for me on pretty much every level. The story, the music, the visuals, the difficulty. I can beat him, and it's hard but not a kind of hard that makes me angry at the game. Dodging in and out of his attacks, getting my own hits in, it felt like a kick ass dance of fantasy combat. It's peak.

[a34trgv2]

Why It Worked: Inside Out

Introduction: Inside Out is an animated coming-of-age film produced by Pixar Animation Studios and distributed by Walt Disney Pictures. Directed and co-written by Pete Docter, with the screenplay being co written by Meg LaFauve and Josh Cooley, the film stars Amy Poehler, Phyliss Smith, Lewis Black, Mindy Kaling, Bill Hader, Kaitlyn Dias, Diane Lane, Kyle MacLachlan and Richard Kind as Joy, Sadness, Anger, Disgust, Fear, Riley, her parents Bill and Jill, and Bing Bong respectively. Released on June 19, 2015, the film was a major box office success grossing $858.8 million on a budget of $175 million. It also received critical acclaim from critics and audiences alike. According to Rotten Tomatoes, out of the 384 reviews aggregated, 98% gave a positive review with an average rating of 8.9/10. It also received numerous awards, including an Oscar for Best Animated Feature, several Outstanding Achievement Awards at the Annies, a Golden Globe for Best Animated Feature, and a Critic's Choice Movie Award for Best Animated Feature. It is often seen as a culturally significant film for mental health and the importance of expressing one's emotions. I saw this film for my birthday back in 2015 and I loved it right out of the gate. After multiple rewatches over the years, I stand by my personal opinion that this is a masterpiece of animation and visual storytelling. I'm overjoyed to talk about this film now that it finally has a sequel out.

The Plot: This film has 2 stories that are interconnected to one another, taking place in the mind of an 11 year old girl. On the outside, it's a bout a kid moving to a new city and being overwhelmed by the sudden changes happening all at once. On the inside, it's about Joy and Sadness trekking through Riley's mind, while along the way understanding each other's importance. Together, they create a very unique and engaging plot about growing up and learning to express yourself. The film brilliantly cuts between Riley, Joy and Sadness' journey, and what's happening at HQ to organically show what Riley's feeling and how her actions have psychological consequences. In addition to having powerful gut punching drama, it's also a very funny film with plenty of slapstick, goofy gags, and impressive word play that always gets me to belly laugh. Michael Giacchino also provides an enchanting, dreamlike score with great use of the piano and brass sections. The true highlight of the story is, of course, Pixar's masterfully crafted and innovative animation. The film makes Riley's mind so vibrant and expansive with Dream Productions and Imagination Land being major highlights. The outside world also looks very well done with the people looking very appealing, San Francisco looking grimy yet lived in, and Riley's old home in Minnesota looking very welcoming and colorful. Speaking of color, the use of colors in this film is nothing short of excellent from the radiant colors of Riley's memories, to Riley's clothes reflecting her current state of mind throughout the film. I also love how they use black and gray to represent faded memories and lack of emotion. If there's one word to describe Inside Out's story and animation, it's colorful.

Cast and Characters: This is an outstanding cast they brought on board for this film. Shout outs to the film's casting directors Natalie Lyon and Kevin Reher for picking out some excellent actors. Amy Poehler was phenomenal as Joy, perfectly capturing her bubbly and eccentric personality while also naturally showing her vulnerability and frustrations. Phyliss Smith sound perfectly dower and soft spoken as Sadness, yet at the same time making her sound so innocent and relatable. Lewis Black was the best match for Anger, making him sound crusty, cynical, and having a short fuse. Mindy Kaling brought in the right amount of sass and pettiness as Disgust and her comradery with the other emotions was brilliant. Bill Hader did a great job making Fear funny and relatable as a character. Kaitlyn Dias also deserve major props for her vocal performance as Riley, making her sound like a soft spoken but fun kid who goes through a great character arc in the film. Lastly, Richard Kind was the absolute surprise standout of the cast as Bing Bong as not only did he do a great job making him funny, but also made him relatable, selfless, a bit of an airhead, but also really resourceful. The cast did such a great job bringing these characters to life, with all of them being iconic and memorable in their own way.

Where It Falters: Outside of maybe adding another scene or 2 with Riley's life in Minnesota, I wouldn't change a thing with this film. It's one of those films where the only nitpick I have is I wanted more. Fortunately, that's remedied with the existence of the 2024 sequel. Coming out a couple years sooner wouldn't have been so bad either, but like I always say, quality>quantity.

Conclusion: There are a select few movies I consider to be a masterpiece. Inside Out is most certainly one of those movies. With outstanding writing, iconic characters, wonderful voice acting, masterfully crafted animation, and an enchanting score, it has more than earned its cultural significance. I cannot recommend this film enough, especially for those who struggle with expressing themselves such as yours truly. I promise this film will speak to you as it has for me after all these years. Thanks so much for reading and I'll see you soon ;)

[deramin2]

Meta: Bell's Hells Plan: Self-Determination for Exandrian Mortals

Bell's Hells keep repeatedly saying what their plan is out loud, so I'm surprised it's still a mystery to so many viewers:

Bell's Hells want the Exandrian Pantheon to no longer have control of Exandria.

After much debate and talking to a lot of people, they've concluded that the Exandrian Pantheon having nearly unlimited power and control over Exandria is bad, and it needs to end. They've considered all the good those gods do personally and through their institutions and concluded the harm outweighs it. Exandrians deserve true self-determination, and they can't have that while the Gods treat them as pawns.

They don't want Ludinus or the Ruby Vanguard to have that power instead. That was definitely going to make an even worse situation.

Their preference was to reason with Predathos about eating them and instead let the gods leave. That plan is clearly not working. While talking to the Raven Queen they formed a new plan to undo the gods' divinity, the thing Predathos wants to eat, and allow them to live as mortals with much diminished power and control.

They do not have a plan for what mortals do with their freedom once they have it. They took so long to commit to this path because it means the full overthrow of global power structures, and that's a really big and unfair decision for one group to make for everyone. But in their heart of hearts they feel like those institutions are so corrupt they have to be undone so something else can grow. That something else will still have problems, but different ones. They were thrust into the position of having to choose revolution or the status quo that just kicks the can a bit farther down the road until that inevitable overthrow, and they couldn't stomach kicking the can. As is often the way with major change.

This is not a story about good and evil. That framework doesn't fit around the events being told. It doesn't explain anyone's actions or motivations. Even a softer binary of altruism and selfishness doesn't fit. It's all too muddled in every single choice. Because that's reality. This is not heroic fantasy. They've said out loud the entire campaign they're not heroes. They're normal people thrust into impossibly large decisions and the story is about the changes that come out of that. Almost all the media influences they cite are stories about change, not morality. (Kentucky Route Zero is one example.)

People keep trying to order a milkshake at an art gallery and then complain the paint water is a bad milkshake. Milkshakes are great, but not every place you go makes them. And since the cast have repeatedly talked about what kind of story they're telling for years, the mismatched expectations aren't on them.

The thing that's kept them coming back to Exandria after nearly 10 years is that they get to see how all their actions, big and small, changed the world. Taliesin planted guns into a fantasy world, Matt added on that tech escaped Percy's control, and now it's a major political force in the world and Percy just has to live with that. Travis sees a big red button and he longs more than anything to press it just to see what happens. Matt made an entire Campaign 3 of big red buttons. They're not trying to protect the world from their decisions, they're trying to see what happens when they make interesting choices.

(I think the doubt about making the "right choice" is largely driven by the hostility of the audience to interesting choices with messy consequences. Especially the women who have faced a ton of misogyny-amplified criticism for every perceived "mistake" they make. But that's a different meta.)

They all know that an age is ending, and big changes are coming to Exandria, no matter what they choose. It's only a matter of whether they try to steer the runaway train or give full agency over to people they trust even less. Matt has said he now sees this as an end to a trilogy. Remaking the world to fully separate from WotC IP and probably switching systems to Daggerheart makes a lot of sense for both creative control and business.

Matt and others have reshaped these deities and their institutions away from WotC's versions pretty strongly, but they still by their very nature exert control over them as independent creators navigating the unfathomably vast and powerful cosmic horror entities that are mega corporations like Hasbro. Taliesin's closing remarks at the Candela Obscura: Circle of the Silver Screen live show are about how the Hollywood machine eats people. I wrote about the symbolism in my essay A City Made of Aspirations.

Just this week, and after Matt said "Fuck AI!", Polygon reported that a student project had used their work to build an AI Dungeon Master using a data set created by Microsoft engineers out of fan wiki summaries and the linked transcript database maintained by Sil. Geek & Sundry used fan captions, so a significant amount of the caption work in the data set is fan labor. Critical Role switched to professional captions as soon as they went independent because they saw the value in that labor. Those same fan information labor projects have allowed them to be the most academically studied AP due to the ease of collecting information, which has added to their success.

They're beset in the real world by forces that want to devour their aspirations to maintain their youth. They barely escaped the wreckage of one such entity in 2018 with their Critical Role work in hand, but a lot of their other innovative shows like Sagas of Sundry were lost. The system that propelled them into the spotlight and has allowed them to chase life-long dreams they thought were impossible, has also been trying to devour that work. They've fought for worker's rights through their union for a good reason.

Campaign 3 isn't a story about good and evil, but it is a struggle for who gets to control the future. It's about overthrowing the hegemony of systems whose manipulative, selfish, and destructive influence outweighs the benefits they provide. Even if that's confusing, terrifying, and a known sacrifice. Ludinus was a piece of shit, but he wasn't entirely wrong. Tragically the worst person you know occasionally makes a good point.

There are only two ways to solve a problem: do what you're doing better or do something else. Campaign 3 is the story of ordinary people who have decided the world needs to do something else. They found themselves in extraordinary circumstances through a series of decisions they couldn't know the outcome of. They don't have a firm idea of what they want the new world to be or how to achieve it, but they do know that things have to be different. Sometimes that's all the seed of change you get to work with.

On the Wednesday Club episode Love is Love (2017-06-28) Taliesin put it, "Culture is not a rocket ship. We all don't get on the rocket ship to the planet culture and go up to the moon. Culture is like life: it is chaotic, it is violent, it is hungry… It is not normal for everything to just keep getting better all at the same time. It's normal for everything to get better over a period of the long game. In any internal point, chaos—"

That's often how the world is. Most activists don't know what happens after they win their battle. They can't predict what knock-on effects anything from legalizing gay marriage to forcing the military to clean up Superfund sites will have. We don't know what happens next when the lead industry is overthrown, or tobacco companies are forced to admit their product causes cancer. We didn't know what movies would be made after the Hayes code or what effects streaming would have on film, television, and music. Early researchers into generative AI had no idea it would get used this way. We don't know the future or if what we're doing is "good" or "bad" on any long timeline. We can only choose what's in front of us one decision at a time and just hope we don't live to regret them too badly. That's what Critical Role has always been about.

Now is the time for different people to choose their own fates, for good or ill, without the Exandrian Pantheon dictating them. Whatever happens next is for Campaign 4 to sort out.

—

This essay is also available on AO3.

[blorbologist]

look, ima just say that yes, the cast understands their characters best - but they are not writers, and might not know how to best get those traits across to their audience.

My brother is like, the ideal target audience for a new fan. Big nerd into anime and mature animation already, a fan of several of the VAs and has a smattering of D&D experience. He absolutely loved seasons 1 and 2! In fact, his favorite characters in s1 were Grog and Keyleth, and I believe that held true in s2 as well.

While live chatting to me watching s3, he was so frustrated by how stupid and childish she was acting. He's completely naïve to C1 (but has endured some C2 when my dad and I would watch together). Without me to explain the complexity and depth of her in the campaign, he's gone from absolutely loving a character to loathing her appearance on screen because the writing did her so dirty in ways that are, frankly, easy to spot and easy to fix. Telling him how Keyleth was in the campaign was heartbreaking - he found it so cool! That was the character he found so interesting!

But whoever she was, she wasn't apparent in s3 Keyleth.

He also called Raishan 'the worst schemer (archetype)' he' ever seen, and enjoyed bitching about episode 10 with me more than he did watching it, soo...

I use Keyleth as an example because she' the most relevant one, as a favorite of my brother’s and having been done so dirty this season. But it applied to... a lot. From the friendships to the character choices to just the whole structure of season 3.

It's one thing to know Keyleth is strong, and angry, and feels responsible for her people, and doesn't trust Raishan. It's another thing to communicate that effectively - and this goes for everything and everyone else this season too. You just hear more vocal complaints from fans who know the show because they have, right there, a blueprint for how these inner conflicts and personalities were shown very well, and so have easy examples for how it could have been done better.

But hey, how dare we engage with s3 as a work of art on par with s1-2 instead of turning our brains off, right? The campaign will always be there - as a reminder that this season definitely lost new fans and those that stay will walk away with carricatures of the characters compared to what they were in s1-2. Look - genuinely beautiful battle sequence! 😍 I have no concept of storytelling or writing and clap in delight at the third Ripley fight of the season! Wahoo!

(Ignore that all that gorgeous animation and score were not enough to keep my brother invested when he, a member of the target demographic, started getting annoyed by the writing. Nothing is worse for art than being annoying.)

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

Currently Watching - July

aka The Masterlist

Because I love a good little list - in alphabetical order! 😊

Regularly updated during the month, latest update 31.07.2024

A little link to my favorite bl-tropes-collection 💙

gif-requests are currently closed🌼

Here you can find all of my gifs.

At the end you can have a look at what we can expect in April with a MDL link and a link for a trailer (if avaible).

This is guaranteed to contain spoilers!

1. 4 Minutes 🇹🇭 (1/8)

The first episode was interesting. The second couple just stole the show for me. It was... yeah... It was intense. And because I can't watch it in HD there are no gifs from my side. But in my mind I did some. I am really interested how the story will progress. I haven't seen the trailer, I am just going in blind and this is exciting! But please give Fuaiz a happy ending! I am still not over the DFF ending...

2. Bad Guy 🇰🇷 (2/4)

Our bad guy from Blue Boys is back with his own little show. And it is good. I like it. Riu is getting married soon, but before that he gets in contact with his ex-partner and old feelings are coming back to the surface. And yes, I think he is the bad guy. But I understand him. He feels like he has no other choice and can't live a happy life being a gay guy in a relationship with another man. I am really looking forward to how this will end!

3. Century of Love 🇹🇭 (7/10)

This series is really good! I was hooked in today's episode. The tension was really good and I can't wait to get to know how this all turns out. What will happen next week? Even though I knew Vad was the bad one, I am really curious which role she is really playing. And I really felt heartbroken for Vee and San. Such a good story! Damn!

4. Hidamari ga Kikoeru 🇯🇵 (6/12)

I love them. I want to watch it again and again. It feels just so... real. So relatable. So honest. So raw. The struggle Taichi has to understand and accept his feelings for Kohei is so good to watch. He is so happy whenever he sees Kohei or speaks about him and I love his friends, who I guess, already can tell Taichi likes Kohei, but they just let him discover this on his own and are just there for him, poking him a little bit in the right direction. Oh I love this series so much!

5. His Man Season 3 🇰🇷 (12/14)

Okay, the new episodes were not as bad as the previous ones. I still don't get why everyone is crying and Jaeseung's whiny behavior because he can't get a date with Seongmin is a little bit annoying, but okay. The dates were okay. I think it is interesting that there are so many "couples", and I am curious who can stay in contact after the show and who become a real couple in the end. I don't feel it that much, but who knows how they feel.

6. I Saw You In My Dream 🇹🇭 (2/12)

I started a new series... Yay for me and my wednesdays 😭But this one really looks promising. I haven't heard of it that much and just blindly started watching. So Ai dreams and his dreams come true and he dreams he has his first time with Yu, his neighbour, who usually teases him and it is really cute. Not the first time, but the story so far.

7. My Love Mix-Up! 🇹🇭 (6/12)

I see so many posts from people not liking this one and I am sitting here enjoying most of this story. I don't compare it to anything. i just enjoy some awkward fluff and the cringe that comes with it. And I think the casting is quite good. I don't have the strongest feeling for the japanese original. I really enjoyed it and it is a great series, but I think the thai one is entertaining too and the chemistry between those two is still there. This epsiode we had a cute date and they finally progressed a little bit in their relationship-state and holding hand, which is now causing problems.

8. Takara no Vidro 🇯🇵 (5/11)

Still get some stalker-vibes from this one. But it is okay. Taishin slowly realises he likes Takara. It is kinda cute. And you can tell me what you want, but Takara is already very smitten by his little stalker friend. But it was a cute episode with them helping the little kid finding back home.

9. The Trainee 🇹🇭 (5/10)

Jane is nice to Ryan. I like it. Jane opens up to Ryan. I like it. Ryan smiles like a little sunshine because Jane is nice to him. I like it. I like this series. It is such a feel good show and OffGun are really good! And the side stories are interesting as well! Such a good sunday-watch!

10. Word of Honor 🇨🇳 (20/36)

Those two flirt a lot and are a married couple. Everyone knows that. And I love and enjoy that! Overall this is such a fun watch and the different sects and intrigues are sometimes a little bit confusing, but interesting. I love this world of martial arts and I love how protective Wen Kexing is over Zhou Zishu. I haven't felt like watching this lately. I wasn't in the right mood.

Finished in July

Series

Blue Boys Part 2 🇰🇷

Okay, we got our happy ending. I always say you can have feelings for other people when you are in a relationship. That is normal. And I am totally on Namyi's side when he asked Jaemin to trust him and to talk to him about such things. Keeping it a secret, especially when something happend, is not good. So I am happy both found their happy ending with each other and Jaemin finally allowed himself to be loved by Namyi. Over all for this second part I give a 7 out of 10.

My Stand-In 🇹🇭

Isn't it wholesome when everybody gets a happy ending in the end? Hm. Not really. Tong shouldn't have got his redemption. He should have ended up alone. Ming's dad should suffer because he finally lost his son, while the son is thriving on love. This last episode was really just a very long happy ending. And for most parts I really enjoyed it! After all the pain and the tears and the toxicity, there was finally wholesome shit on my screen! Overall it was a good show, not my favorite, but it was very much watchable. I give it 7 out of 10.

Wandee Goodday 🇹🇭

What a let down with the last episodes. This series started out so strong. The Vibe was so cool with casual sex and asexuality representation and after a few episodes... pufff... nothing. Kao has just a few scenes and when he was on camera, he was just a supporting act for Dee to get back with Yak or to think about his emotions. But his storyline was just left aside and squeezed back in the last episode, because they needed this closure... Oye never had to deal with any consequences for his actions. He just paid and now they live happily ever after... come on. Cher loves him, but this is such a big deal that I wished there was a little bit less product placement for them and some real talking about the whole stuff. And Dee and Yak. I love GreatInn together, but the script did them dirty! Yak became such a puppy, and Dee was confused and surprised all the time. And those open love expressions! I really don't like them! Especially when you have the main character telling people he can't be in a same-sex-relationship because of the media and his reputation... aha... sure... And this whole Ter gets his redemption in the end... Fuck that guy! He don't deserve anything! Just let him be miserable and alone in the end! He played with everyone! And don't get me started on the break-up-idea... Just talk about stuff and perhaps think about shit before it is almost too late! Oh, I am a little pissed... Overall I gave it 6,5 out of 10, but perhaps in the future I change it... The story was really not that strong and every little piece of problem was solved in the last episode and that just felt wrong! And it is wrong! You can't cure such a big trauma which includes halucinations just with love and some good words! No! I correct myself, I give this 5 out of 10...

The Boyfriend 🇯🇵

We've got our Happy Ending! Not just for Shun and Dai, but also for Alan and Kazuto. Now I am curious how life played for the contestants and I am looking forward to the reunion, which I won't be able to understand, because it will air in the Netflix Japan Youtube Channel without subtitles... Well, I wait for the fan-translations. I just wish all of them are happy! And my thoughts during this last moments of the show: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Happy. And I give this show a 10 out of 10.

We Are 🇹🇭

I am really glad I waited with this one to binge-watch it. So I dodn't have to wait that long for the next episode. It was such a fun watch. There was nothing much happening, and yet it was very entertaining. We just saw friends getting together, having a good time, developing new feelings for each other and facing every day problems. I was quite surprised how well it was written and how much I liked it in the end. I give it 9 out of 10.

Movie

Short Film

Dropped in July

This love doesn't have long beans 🇹🇭

My first drop after a while. And with such a popular show. But I really can't stand Plawan at this point. I guess I will come back from time to time, to have a look if I cringe or not, but I just know that this one isn't for me. Guess I will watch it mostly through gifs here on this heavenly hell site.

Looking forward to in July

Takara no Vidro - Trailer (July 1st)

This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans - Trailer (July 5th)

The Boyfriend - Trailer (July 9th)

Century of Love - Trailer (July 10th)

Heavens x Candy (July 13th in cinemas)

4 Minutes (July 26th)

Battle of the Writers - Trailer (July 29th)

Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo

[lancermylove]

Chapter 1

➣ Pairing: Demon brothers, Royals, Solomon with fem!Reader. ➣ Warning: None ➣ A/N: Hi hi, or should I say ho ho? Bad joke lol. 🙈 This is my first attempt at an OM chaptered fic, so hopefully, all of you like it. In this fic, you will romance the man of your choice, so similar to the actual game. There will be a romantic and platonic route, or you can romance everyone. 😉 I may or may not include N.SFW content in some chapters. If I do, I will post an SFW and N.SFW chapter for that character so audiences of all ages can read the story. Any support for this fic will be appreciated! 💖 ➣ Word Count:  1,430

➣ Chapters [SFW]: [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9][10][11][12] ➣ Chapters [N.SFW]: [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9][10][11][12] Completed!

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"I know I am asking a lot, but would you please help?"

"If the brothers find out...they will be very upset..."

"I understand, (y/n). But this is the only way to help them. I have arranged everything, so all you have to do is say yes."

Would everything go according to plan? The thought of mishaps ate away at your mind as you stood in the Student Council room with the demon brothers, Diavolo and Barbatos. Clearing his throat, the prince warmly smiled at everyone and sat on his throne at the top of the student council pyramid.

"Good afternoon, everyone. My apologies for calling all of you at such short notice." Diavolo's voice boomed with excitement as he addressed you and the brothers. "But I have exciting news to share. (Y/n) has extended an invitation to the seven of you to celebrate Christmas in her world!"

"Woooah! A Christmas with (y/n) alone!" Levi grinned widely.

"Y'know we're comin' too, so it ain't alone," Mammon shrugged and shook his head.

"Oh, it feels like a dream come true," Asmo exclaimed, clapping his hands together.

"A holiday with (y/n)...this I look forward to." Satan calmly stated, but his smile gave away his hidden excitement.

"This will be fun." Belphie chuckled, and Beel nodded in agreement as he ruffled your hair.

Though you gave a small smile, your body remained tense, and your eyes darted nervously between the brothers. Despite knowing that you had done nothing wrong, your guilty conscience weighed heavily on your heart. Then, you noticed Lucifer's expression. His usual calm demeanor was replaced with a fierce intensity; his eyes were narrowed, and his brows were furrowed. His jaw was tense, and his arms folded tightly across his chest. It was evident that he was not pleased with the situation, and you wondered if he suspected something.

The first brother's crimson orbs stared straight into Diavolo's soul, making the prince uncomfortably shift in his seat. Meanwhile, Barbatos silently observed the situation but kept his eyes on you. You couldn't help but question yourself if you did the right thing. Would it have been better if you had spoken to Lucifer first?

The vast area was draped in a deep and calming silence, broken only by the occasional sounds of the wind howling through the trees and snow crunching under your feet. As the sun slowly sank below the horizon, it cast long, ribbon-like shadows on the pristine, snow-covered ground, painting the surroundings in a warm orange hue. The cold and crisp air allowed you to see puffs of your breath as you exhaled at the breathtaking sight. The view was so mesmerizing that even the brothers were left speechless as they stood there, transfixed by the beauty of the winter wonderland that the human realm had to offer.

"Our cabin is a short distance from here," Satan said as he studied a map that Barbatos had given him. After a short while of walking through the wooded area, a structure came into view.

A winding cobblestone pathway led to a grand winter cabin covered in a thin layer of snow. The exterior was made of mocha-colored pine wood and was adorned with indicate carvings that added to its charm. The ebony-colored shingles on the roof contrasted beautifully with the light-colored wood, highlighting the structure's unique character. A large chimney protruded from the roof, spewing out thin plumes of white smoke. The second floor had an extensive all-around balcony connecting all the bedrooms from outside. Warm light poured out from the ceiling-height windows on every side of the cabin.

"This is..." Asmo started to say but his voice trailed off.

"Pretty? Amazin'? Incredible?" Mammon finished his younger brother's sentence as he removed his sunglasses and looked around.

"Can we go inside? It's cold." Belphie mumbled through chattering teeth. He liked the view, but the low temperatures were too much for him. Without wasting time, the brothers rushed inside, competing to see who could get to the door first, but Lucifer remained motionless. His eyes were fixed on the ground, and he appeared to be deep in contemplation. Even as you approached him, the Avatar of Pride didn't move or respond to you calling his name.

Why was there a stack of letters on Diavolo's desk? Every letter that came to Diavolo for official matters passed through Lucifer, so why wasn't he aware of these letters? He didn't have permission to go through the letter and viewing them without the prince's permission went against Lucifer's principles. But a nagging feeling in his mind forced him to reach for an open envelope.

"Lucifer?" You called his name out, concerned, and gently shook his arm to bring him back to the present. Snapping out of his thoughts, the tall demon looked at you but remained silent. His crimson eyes bore into your own as if trying to draw a conclusion to his theory. Were you also involved in this?

"What? Do I have something on my face?" You innocently asked, trying to break the tension in the air, but didn't wait for his answer and began pulling his arm toward the cabin. "It's freezing! We need to get inside."

He didn't withdraw his arm from your grasp, but you felt his muscles tighten under your touch. The warmth of the cabin enveloped both of you as you stepped inside. A sweet aroma of cinnamon and vanilla tickled your nose, and the sound of fire crackling filled your ears. The interior of the cabin was a modern, luxurious space with high-tech appliances and contemporary furnishings. The fully stocked kitchen was a chef's dream, equipped with everything you could possibly need to whip up a feast, while the living space had plush sofas and soft blankets to snuggle up in. Your lips curled up as the cozy atmosphere momentarily melted away any stress or worries.

Asmo strolled around the living room, admiring the tasteful décor of the cabin, while Satan investigated the second floor. The scent of vanilla and cinnamon made Beel hungrier than he was, so he eagerly searched the refrigerator for something to munch on. Belphie curled up on the sofa, hugging a faux fur pillow to his chest, gazing at the dancing flames in the large stone fireplace. Levi and Mammon stood by the windows, mesmerized by the view of the mountains in the distance, slowly fading into the darkness as the sun was setting beyond the horizon.

"So, there are only six rooms in the cabin...two downstairs and four upstairs," Satan announced while walking down the spiral wood staircase. Instantly, the volume inside the cozy cabin increased tenfold as the brothers argued about who would get to stay alone or with you. Your gaze immediately moved to Lucifer to find him lost in thoughts again. What was he thinking about? Did something happen?

"Lucifer, you want to say something before they start destroying the cabin?" You whispered, shaking his arm. The demon sighed heavily and glanced at his brothers but remained silent for a while as one thought repeated on a loop in his mind. His brothers acted like normal demons, so what was the problem?

"Beel and Belphie, I assume you wish to stay together," Lucifer broke his silence and spoke sternly. "(Y/n) and I shall stay individually, which leaves three rooms. Mammon, you shall stay alone due to your habit of borrowing items. Satan, I assume you wish to stay alone, leaving Levi and Asmo to share a room."

Without waiting for his brother's reaction, Lucifer briskly made his way up the stairs, his shoes thudding against the wooden steps. A knot formed in your stomach at the thought of Lucifer knowing what you did and being upset with you. Should you talk to him or wait? You sighed quietly and began to ascend the stairs, taking in the grandeur of the staircase and the ornate details along the walls. Your mind was still preoccupied with Lucifer's behavior, but you tried to push those thoughts aside and focus on choosing a bedroom that suited your taste.

"What's with Lucifer and (y/n)? Did somethin' happen between 'em?" Mammon asked in a low voice, not wanting his older brother to hear they were talking about him.

"Maybe they got into an argument," Asmo said, sitting next to Belphie and gently stroking his younger brother's head. Satan turned his back to his brothers and stared out the window overlooking the forest. This vacation was too conveniently placed, and the Avatar of Wrath knew there was more to this than meets the eye.

———————————————

➣  Please visit my website for the full masterlist!

[celticcrossanon]

"If her clan not included in anything royal now then who tf is she after charles died?" Easy. Camilla's the mistress who made top shelf. Anne Boyelyn still has the reputation 500 year after her death of being a power hungry seductress. Camilla's own great-grandma is also known as the King's #1 whore. Camilla is not going to be known as anything else in history other than the King's homewrecking mistress who helped break up his first marriage. She's still seen as that even today by the public.

Hi Nonny,

I agree with you, and it irritates me no end.

In my opinion, Queen Camilla was doing a decent job of rehabilitating herself to the public. She had spent years shutting up, keeping her head down, and doing whatever work she wanted to do. Not glamourous, no big PR profile, but acceptable for a future queen. I

had my doubts when stories started to circulate about the shade she was casting on various people via her Reading Room, and the rather vulgar stories that came from her (something about a President farting and Camilla making a huge joke out of it??).

Then Her Late Majesty passed and the real Camilla came on show with a burst of articles about how wonderful she was compared to other royal family members and how she had 'won'.

Her downward slide in my esteem was completed when she left the Easter Sunday church service, the holiest day of the year, during the Gloria - part of the introduction bit to the service, about 5/10 mins into it (10 mins max).

That rudeness, turning up and using the sacred service as a photo op, finished her in my eyes, and unfortunately with her multiple luxury wellness holidays and her constant 'I'm so wonderful' PR has done nothing but drive her further down in my eyes.

Now I'm at the stage where I think that being remembered as a mistress turned wife is too good for her, and we should just be blunt about it - she was the King's whore who committed adultery multiple times over the decades, happily and willingly, to remain his whore, and who was lucky enough that the King decided to marry her at the end of it all. She didn't have the sense to keep her mouth shut and now her true colours are only display for all to see - and what a lazy, self-aggrandising, drag others down to make myself look good, set of colours they are.

The King's choice of wife says a lot about him, just like Harry's choice of wife says a lot about him. The apple didn't fall far from the tree at all imo.

[chicademartinica]

Only Friends episode 1

Yes fam I loved it. This show was written and directed by queer cinephile millennials and it shows. The late 90’s erotic thriller cinematography, fashion choices,and edit is a perfect hommage to a very specific period. (see Cruel Intentions, Wild Things but also Scream and trust me on this one DAWSON’S CREEK.)

Hair and make-up are classic Jojo team. Everybody is moisturized, lip balmed and coconut oiled. No lightening make-up, we see every mole and every freckle. (They accentuated Mark’s eyes and whew !) Everybody’s earrings are real shiny too.

The actors are in their bag. Khao is blindingly attractive. He is so talented it’s just unfair. His improve with the seatbelt scene ? Too good. First is on 10 as per usual. Force is unrecognizable, cold eyes, mechanic smile, that man is a snake on legs. Neo WHEW. Mark Pakin is an amazing on-screen kisser on top of everything. Book is so difficult to read, I find it so intriguing. The whole cast is just enjoying themselves and you can tell.

There was a lot of excellent seduction in this episode but Nick dropping the act for a second, just amazed that his bold move worked as he leads Boston to the back of the store ? Nick’s not a player he just HAD to do it. (The “I put a nude in you phone is based on a true story. People are nuts lol)

I loved Mew repeating that he knows how to read people.I’m sure you do boo but 1. You also said that if you fuck Top you’ll fall for him. 2. You already fell for him so your judgement was kaput FROM THE JUMP.3 Top will , sing it with me, bleed you dry like a goddam vampire, even though you are indeed very smart. He dickmatized Boston so he is in fact Beelzebub.

First has experience in throwing people out of his house idc. That “take you shit and go”pants throw ?!! 10 out a 10.

Boston one night stand was kinda trash for his partner. Count on Jojo and his pals to put a selfish lover on screen. Also Topboy stopping the second Mew says so. Sand handling drunk baby boo with the outmost care. And masturbation of course. Nick being an amazing but fragile lover was my favorite.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING IF RAY IS RESPONSIBLE FOR SAND BISEXUAL AWAKENING ??!!!

NB : The sex scene in the shop would be in a video store if video stores still existed.

[roukabi]

Well, I said back here that I wanted to do a NYTW critter-ification. So here we are!

As usual, design notes/trivia/comments under the cut:

"Rook, none of these are animals I'd ever consider related to the Hadestown cast."

Yeah, I know. But it looks cool, right?

Orpheus strikes me as someone who was wild as a boy. And by 'wild', I mean biting and growling and hunting squirrels with his bare 10-year-old hands. He got less feral when approached with food and stable housing. With all that in mind, it made sense to give him something that matched that energy. Also, community-minded? Famous vocals? Effortlessly beautiful? The connections are there! And I stole from this drawing I made a long while back. Yeah I bet y'all forgot about that but I didn't! I still really like the idea of werewolf Orph!

...come to think of it though, we give nytw orph too much credit. I think it's easy to pin him as the brave, heroic union leader because of his confidence, but he's just a poet. He's lovey-dovey, he's gentle. He's got a very healthy ego, but it doesn't overpower his soft core. There's a reason his 'If It's True' is so sad - he's not a fighter, he's an artist, and more importantly, a lover. He has no real incentive to finish his song (for better or worse, narratively-speaking). He's an artist who talks big and loves his wife.

That said, it seems a little weird to give him such a fierce animal. But as is the case for bway orpheus's fox choice, i am a fan of designs that betray the real character underneath. His big snarky wolf persona (fursona?) falls apart when he looks at Eurydice for more than 3 seconds.

Wow, that could've been its own post tbh. Moving on, the star-like speckles in his fur were added because of his name - "the darkness of night". Canis Major is somewhere on his fur.

Now, could a catgirl and dogboy really fall in love?

With regards to Eurydice, you can't improve upon perfection, which is why my design looks very similar to @riveracheron's Eurydice design. You can see most of ismene's design here (I can't find the original ref image, sorry!) for reference. I wasn't sure about making Eurydice's nose yellow, but she needed yellow somewhere in her palette, and a black or pink nose looked kind of wrong. She's a loner kitty built for the snow. Not that she enjoys it. Also I wanted to add a cute white/yellow bow around her neck but forgot :( pretend it's there

Anyway, probably the most interesting animal decision was Hermes. I mentioned in my Broadway critter designs that I wanted to keep the neutral characters as birds. That meant I had to find a bird to match Chris Sullivan's Hermes, and, idk, I liked the barn owl the most. Barn owls are screechy and painfully unexpressive, but if Legend of the Guardians: the Owls of Ga'Hoole has taught me anything, it's that anything can be expressive if you break just enough rules. So there.

Barn owls are associated with doom and death in old English tales, and they're known to live in abandoned houses. It would sound like the barn owl should be given to Hades, but I like to think that since Hermes is the one telling the story, he's in charge of the cycles of death and renewal that take place in the story. He's a harbinger whether he likes it or not.

For the Fates, I already had cat designs in mind, but I almost made them birds to fit my neutral rule. Then I kinda waffled on it and said "well, the Fates are kind of mean, and you know what would be fun? Wild animals vs domestic animals". Cats it is! And they are anything but dressed the same: we got stripes, spots, and swirls. They torment their fellow kitty Eurydice for being 'wild', they're invasive, and they get in fights with the local wolf. The relationships write themselves.

I didn't draw Hades and Persephone since they'd already been covered in the Broadway lineup, and there wasn't much of a difference between bway and nytw to justify new drawings. They're still critters though, trust me.

And that's it! I guess had a lot more to say about these than last time. As always, the designs are free to use with credit.

[snakeunderyourboot]

Y'ALL I FINALLY FIGURED OUT JOHN DESIGN!!!! (<- lying. Will probably change it the next time I will draw him) ANYWAYS, I have thoughts about the choices I made with his design, so for rumbling, open up the cut. There are some additional doodles

So, I am a huge fan of "John changes design through the podcast", so here is a quick sketch of what each phase is, along with my additional thoughts) S1 (pre-episode 5) - John, who is still an Entity for now - a literal piece torn from KiY, with only eyes. Hides in Arthur's shadow

S1(post-episode 5) - John Doe, who is more aware of himself now and picked up a clock. It still less tangible form, more of a placeholder rather than something that he can call himself. Still hides in Arthur's shadow, but is now more proactive, in a way

S2 - John Doe, who is now aware that he is KiY and with that his reflection of himself changes. His cloak is bigger and he stands proudly behind Arthur. The way the cloak lays on the ground, it reminds of tentacles. While saying that he is no longer a KiY, some pieces still cling to him, now that he truly knows his nature.

S3-5 - John Doe, who is entirelly his own. Here it's becoming comlicated

The hood was taken by King in Yellow in episode 20, revealing how much John changed. He is no longer a piece, he is completely his own and King cannot fit him back.

The small crown appeared after S4 finale - he is now a true king of the Earth dimension, no longer fighting for control with Yellow. The crown is also something he renounces from his time in the Darkworld(and his kingdom there)

Clothes that were inspired by Arthur. I chose green colors because I remember one of the first posts I found on malevtumbler was a post about green being John's favorite color. I thought it was a really cool idea, so green clothes for John!

Small fireflies around John! This was something I took from my wip animatic of the last 10 minutes of episode 43. They appear after John comes back from Darkworld in S3, they don't produce any source of light but they act as an extension of John! They mostly just float around, but in S4 finale they come together to create a halo behind John's manifestation. In a way, they are remnants of what little of KiY power John has.

this is a really old wip, so there is a older version design of John that I had in mind, but the way Fireflights behave is still the same.

Some other additional thoughts I have

While I love John's creature designs, I also can't stop thinking about him taking things from Arthur. He took so much and Arthur kept giving more. In a way, his more humanoid form is a result of this exchange.

I am basing my Arthur design on my own cosplay that I did last year! With the exception of glasses and more curly hair. I didn't posted the cosplay here, but you can find it on Malevolent Cast twitter back somewhere in may.

My Hastur design is also more humanoid because I really love this idea of gods and mortals being essentially the same. Before separation, Hastur is a huge, abstract, creature-like god, but after separation, he is changed. And for a being who existed for billions of years, the mere idea of change is fucking terrifying. So along with John's changes, Hastur changes too, becoming similar to those he used to see as mere ants. Isn't that fun for him!

Yellow in S3 is basically John's design from S2, but with a little bit colder yellow color. In S4 he is back to his Hastur design BUT afterward, I have a small hc in my mind(and possibly au, comic to which you may never see, but regardless) that after the events of S4, Yellow managed to ditch Larson and now is restoring Carcosa AND along the way changing into this new version of Hastur. I even thought about giving him a new name, but I will keep it a secret for now. Here is a comparison of Yellow and John's designs

In the early mentioned AU, that happens post-canon, John design is also different, BUUUT that's spoilers and I do really wish to show more of this au. For now take those incoherent thoughts.

Thank you fro your attention <3

[reds-writings]

hii!! can i request

10. lashing out even though they know they will regret it from the angst prompts for rust

here's some sunny and rust angst! felt like it was fitting for when she first starts helping rust!

The pointed silence bleeding from you was more unnerving than Rust thought it could be. He had lashed out, shamefully so he’d regretfully admit. Marty had pissed him off a great deal earlier today and the fact that he always had to be hovered over one way or another was igniting a frenzy of feeling particularly fucking agitated. He loathed feeling so helpless. Whether it was a fragile sense of masculinity that had been subconsciously engrained within him or he was just being a dick because he could would be a question for the ages. 

The clinking sounds of dishes that the flow of sink water couldn’t drown out made him feel guiltier by the minute. It was the lack of routinely nonsensical humming during any simple task that made an impact. Your spark had been put out for the afternoon. 

And he was the rotten asshole who did it. 

Over what? All because you had to help him eat due to muscles of his own still on the mend from being stuck in a shitty hospital bed for weeks on end? There was certainly no need to harshly shove you away along with the plate of carefully crafted lunch you prepared to the floor in a heaping mess with spiteful curses. His resentful act had you frozen in place. Rust wasn’t the first patient to be so callous when you were just trying to do your job but it hurt all the same. He was a tough nut to crack so far in the two weeks you’ve been with him but today it was made clear your efforts might not ever be valued. 

The minute wobble of your lower lip was nearly imperceptible but the glaze that took form over your eyes sure wasn’t. Hating to be seen so emotionally exposed, you wordlessly stood up to grab a few paper towels to hopelessly clean up Marty’s rug. There’d be a big stain but you were sure Rust was due for more of a verbal lashing than you would be once you relayed the day’s events. 

God, this job didn’t pay nearly enough as it should with some of the crap you had to put up with. 

Rust kept his uneasy gaze on the TV in front of him. Old football highlights sounded foreign to his ears as he had trouble fighting away wanting to grovel for his mistreatment towards you. The most undeserving of receiving anything in the shape of cruelty. Marty would have him by the fucking ear, that much was true, but that bothered him less than his current predicament of trying to formulate a formal apology. One that wasn’t tinged with predictable apathy or a mashup of bumbling words. 

The sound of water suddenly shut off and the soft padding of your feet drew close again. His eyes darted towards your choice of socks for the day. Adorned with cartoonish succulents, a joke scrawled out near your calves: ‘What’s up succas?’ They were awful, but you had been excited to present them as soon as you stepped through the door this morning. It just made him feel more shitty. 

“Would you like for me to leave early today? I can have someone else come in for your night doses and bandage dressing.” You’d never sounded so prim. It was jarring. 

He fumbled for a strong answer, “...N-no.”

“Would you like me to sit away and give you space for the remainder of the day?” 

Your posture was set in a stiff cast. Unease infiltrated the room, growing thicker by the second as his brain wracked through all its confusion and veining remorse. You were like a different person. Forced into the protocol of taking residence as an even-keeled, unfeeling nurse. You wouldn’t allow him the image of being thrown off-kilter by his meanness. You could only let people walk all over you for so long in these instances even if shoving away instinctual kindness and immediate forgiveness hurt. 

“No.” He tried and failed at sounding more resolute. What was wrong with him? 

You didn’t say anything, visibly deflating as you pressed a thumb to the space between your brows. It was clear he had you at a loss of what to do but he couldn’t hold you as an awkward hostage any longer. 

“I’m sorry.” It felt as if he had to force it out of his windpipe. Uncomfortable and unsure.

“Okay…”

“It was rude of me to-...behave as I did.” His eyes were everywhere but yours. If you weren’t so drained you’d giggle at the absurdity of Rust looking so timid. You straightened up to do your best at upholding your firm resolve. 

“There’s no excuse for it. It won’t happen again.” He pushed out and you just nodded. A teeny smile teasing the edge of your lips. You were getting a kick out of this. 

“You’re not bad to…” He hesitated and you waited.

That spark was coming back. 

“...have around.” It might’ve been impossible for him to look more embarrassed than he did from his spot on the couch. You put a hand to your mouth to suppress your growing grin, turning to the side in mock thought over his apology. It wasn’t the most graceful but you figured it was something coming from him. Turning back to him you yielded,

“I will humbly accept this apology. But we have to watch whatever I wanna watch before I leave tonight. The girliest of picks to make me feel better.”

He mulled it over but knew there was no winning right away, “Sure.”

You wiggled in a mini burst of victory before plopping down on the couch, still conscious of his need for space, and smiled as you got comfortable. 

“I’m thinking along the lines of Pretty in Pink. Oh! Maybe Roman Holiday-...” You rambled on about the movies you planned on torturing him with that he’d positively pretend to sleep through.

He was going to need help from whatever higher power was willing for him to navigate the colorful force that was you.