#a trans women and cis women only hood

[witchwardian]

Starting a brand new neighborhood because I learned how easy it is to make my own townies and recently learned that the game doesn't force gendered babies you just gotta keep redoing it and I can do that so the new hood is NoMansLand. Also figured out how to download all the box files from Lunacress on GOS so I can townie all the periodic table sims.

[sapphicsvibes]

my last post was also about the discussions of transmisogyny centering cis female athletes who are women of color. there is a wider conversation being had about transmisogyny in athletics, and that is that, trans women aren't even allowed to compete. before we start discussing how transmisogyny impacts not trans fems, we need to actually center the discussion around the heavily, transmisogynstic shit that is already happening.

and when we talk about how cis woc athletes being overly masculinized and decide to call it transmisogyny instead of what it actually is, racism, it sets us back. there is this understood idea that people can be indirectly impacted by transmisogyny, but unless the subjects of those conversations are transfeminine people, then the focus shouldn't be transmisogyny.

it should be racism. it should be the fact that the white, western gender binary and idea of femininty/womanhood is so fucked up that cis girls of color from a young age are viewed as more masculine, dangerous and larger than white women. we should be focusing on the complexities of misogynoir that black girls go through from childhood to adult hood where we are both masculinized and also hypersexualized and exposed to harmful race science that gets us preyed upon by older men. we should focus on how these conversations of masculinizing women of color comes to play in how white women and white afabs (yes, i know i said i dont like using afabs but i am starting ot use it when discussing the lived experience of white afab people and how that negatively impacts people of color in queer spaces) can utilize their privilege, tears, femininity, etc., to turn society against cis girls of color and how we are automatically seen as a threat to them

we need to talk about racialized misogyny when dicussing imane khelif, and how white women like jk rowling, who has a history of transmigoyny yes, but also anti-arab/MENA racism and islamaphobia, and is prominent in alt right groups, is using her platform to attack a possible muslim, MENA woman. and that's a big thing that hardly anyone talks about - Rowling is heavily islamphobia and anti-arab. when you se guys see her attacking a MENA woman, and decide to focus solely on transmisogyny, you are quite literally erasing a huge chunk of her bigotry.

yes, indirect transmisogyny comes to play, but when you are talking about racialized misogyny, you NEED to make sure that is the main focus - racism and misogyny, because if you don't you make it hard if not impossible for us to have any type of productive conversation. you guys being too afraid to call out racism and misogyny makes it seem like you are shielding white women/afabs and white society from the pain they have put women of color through for decades.

the same goes for misogynoir??? like when we are talking about misogynoir and them completely ignore it and lump it under transmisogyny, who does that help? not only does the black community have an issue with transmisogyny in general, but it also erases a term that we've come up with to help better discuss our oppression.

also, this isn't to say that trans woc don't face racialized misogyny and misogynoir (black transfems!) because they do. but it should be understood that while THEY face these things, transmisogyny is something that should also center them. and while we, as non trans fem women do face racialized misogyny/misogynoir - yeah, sometimes we can draw comparisons between transmisogyny, but we shouldn't be the ones taking the lead or taking platforms.

and last but not least, the way you guys who are claiming what is happening to cis female athletes is transmisogynistic. Do you know how many trans people, who aren't trans fem, that i've seen saying

"see, this is why we need to talk about transmisogyny affecting non transfems! xyz athlete was actually born a woman, she's not a man, she is afab! she has a vagina!" do you realize how that language is terfy, do you realize how you guys will try to hijack convos of transmisogyny while also reinforcing transmisogynistic requirements of what makes a woman a woman?

[traumagenic-positivity]

Hi! 🪢🪼⏳️(emojis to find this later)

kind-of a long ask

just adding onto that ask before where they talked about being unaware of their system-hood and identifying as genderfluid, but in the way that when any alter was fronting, it was just their gender and they couldn't imagine feeling like any other gender.

we had a similar experience!

when we were younger and were questioning whether we were a system for the first time, we identified publicly as genderfluid too, but partially to ease people into the idea of me being a man without being sudden. we talked to some alters before that point. we started puberty late and up til then, we were convinced it wasn't going to happen and so happy about it. we had known for years before that that we weren't cis despite not having the exact terminology.

it was always just about our sexuality and gender. we initially came out as asexual. then it was ace-aro. then a triple A adding in being agender. then we thought maybe we were a lesbian. then genderfluid because we didn't feel like a masc lesbian. we felt like a man. just not all the time. but still wanted to start hrt or at least puberty blockers but wasn't allowed. only ever dated women, but sometimes we are attracted to men and non-binary people, so maybe we're bi? or pan? no. definitely ace-aro. it changes so much. maybe we're abrosexual. oh! demisexual is a thing! that feels right. came out as trans officially as an adult. almost married a girl, but we broke up because I never felt like I could fully love her. it's like some parts of me just couldn't feel what I felt. and why do I feel dysphoria most of the time, but in some scenarios, it's all good?

then the official syscovery happened and it was a whole breakthrough.

just wanted to share to show that there's more people with similar experiences.

this!!! we've had a very similar experience! you aren't alone <3

[genderkoolaid]

A bit of an odd question, I know you've ranted in the past about people thinking nonbinary people aren't attractive w/o binary alignment, anyways the point is: what are your thoughts on terms like "ceterosexual" and "skoliosexual"?

Personally I like them.

The thing about exorsexism is that it's ingrained in our language and culture. We lack the language to describe being non/abinary/genderqueer because our culture enforces a binary. So I generally support any efforts to improve exorsexism in language, even if I personally wouldn't use it.

It's true that "nonbinary" does not refer to one single gender. But I would argue that "woman" and "man" are vaster categories than we give them credit for. There are people who are attracted to certain kinds of man/womanhood performance but not others, especially when it comes to queerness & ethnic cultures. Not every lesbian is necessarily attracted to the same womanhood performance, and the same goes for gay men & straight men & straight women.

And "woman" and "man" are also not synonymous with presentation. You cannot tell how someone identifies by how they present themselves. But we do use gender coding to call on cultural associations & send a message of what gender stuff we wanna be associated with. A gay trans man may dress much differently than a straight trans man, because he is trying to perform gay manhood. Similarly, an agender person may also perform things associated with gay manhood even if they don't identify at all as a man, because they want queer men to notice them. But the same things could also be done by a straight man who just enjoys things traditionally associated with gay manhood And, going off that, there are ways that nonbinary/genderqueer people signal ourselves as NB/GQ as well. Someone with brightly dyed hair, wearing lipstick with a mustache, in a skirt with a dress shirt, is performing a genderfuck-hood that can signal genderqueerness to others. Personally, I like presenting in a purposefully genderqueer way so that other queer people recognize me as "family" and will be attracted to me because of my genderqueer performance.

So, considering all that... I appreciate language that let's us express love and attraction and appreciation for genderqueerness and non/abinarity. Arguments against ceterosexuality/skoliosexuality tends to go back to "nonbinary isn't a third gender, and some nonbinary people are okay being aligned with a gender, so anything that ever centers nonbinary people and recognizes abinarity is transphobic!!!" which always leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I've seen some people say you can use them but only Ina t4t way, which I also dislike; I am t4t and gq4gq but I don't like the idea that people who are cis aren't "allowed" to express attraction towards abinarity/genderqueerness because they must be chasers.

Also, I have the theory that genderqueer language always faces more stigma and is held to a higher standard than binary language. Partially because it's newer, but also because being genderqueer/nonbinary is viewed by transphobic society as unserious and ridiculous, and has also been associated with people assigned female & "weird femininity," which brings in misogyny (even moreso than transphobia already does). This is not to say people who personally don't want to use genderqueer language are doing anything wrong– but I feel like everytime someone comes up with a term to improve the lack of nonbinary visibility in language, it is immediately lambasted for being "cringe" and "infantilizing" and "just call me a slur" which I feel, on some level, comes from the association of binary things with normality & neutrality & adulthood, and nonbinary things with childishness & queerness.

The end goal of exorsexism is to smother any sign of sex/gender transgression it finds. I feel like the criticisms of nonbinary/genderqueer-focused sexuality are just another expression of this, but done in a "progressive" way. The underlying message is that nonbinary/genderqueer gender isn't as real as binary gender; our validity as people only comes from our identification with binary systems on some level; NB/GQ people always confirm to binary gender performance and we have no ways of communicating our genderqueerness on purpose; attraction to NB/GQ people must be dirty and objectifying and it can only be expressed via the language of binary attraction, even if the object of your affection is hurt by that.

[solarmagickstar]

Not super into Jessie Gender, but I watched their video on "how we talk about trans men" and I've gotta say it was disappointing asf.

As a trans masc/guy I feel like I can't really have an opinion? Like for me it's like I'm too scared to be angry, like if I am it's just gonna be thrown back at me like "oh it must be those testosterone hormones coming out" or "well of course your all angry your a man" like men can't be sensitive at all or something? It's almost always said in a way to "give me euphoria" cause that's how we're supposed to treat men.

At times it really feels like we're being pushed out of queer spaces because we'll if your a guy you wouldn't wanna be a part of the marginalised group ya know cause "we're escaping to get to privilege" right?

I don't feel like our experience with gender is allowed to be expressed openly and we're absolutely not allowed to be GNC. And honestly the same could probably be said for GNC trans fems too, I don't see a lot of them either.

I feel like in Jessie gender's video they kinda didn't *actually* wanna sit with what they said originally? Like when it came to the Barbie movie I wanted to participate in the conversation of girl hood and how that's still relevant to me and how it's shaped me as the person I am today, how much I enjoyed the Ken dolls experience and how they played with masculine fashion in a way I hadn't seen in a while. But honestly I felt like well this movies for the girls so I probably shouldn't say anything.

Sometimes I wonder if we partially do this to ourselves because a lot of us keep to ourselves and don't really wanna be seen half the time. I haven't talked to the trans masc I knew since we all left Facebook, it's so lonely out here and the more I look for trans content the more I see trans fems and basically only white trans masc (with like maybe 2 poc ones but is that really all we get?) It makes me feel like I don't exist. The only places I can see poc trans masc viking or existing is on sites run by a variety of trans people or is run by a trans masc person living free.

When I see that I think, thank god your fucking real. Thank god I see someone like me thriving and existing out there.

I wanna see more of y'all, like actually see y'all, I feel like I'm fading away as more and more content keeps talking about how bad trans fems (oh and non binary but let's not define what you mean or who you're talking about we just throw them in there cause let's be more inclusive right? But only to you? Great) but the amount of trauma that's in the trans masc community is horrific and is not talked about or addressed at all.

In men's spaces there's not room for queer most of the time, so to find a place to belong and essentially get told my issues aren't as important or that trans fems ("and nonbinary" cause again you're lying to yourself by saying this even if your non-binary) then you're fundamentally missing out on our lives. I don't even feel like we have enough data on us because even the trans masc get lumped in with nonbinary or GNC like that's just fucking normal.

I remember a study was out on trans masc and GNC women about how often all of us deal with sexual assault and it's the closest I've seen and it wasn't even good findings it was depressing. I wish I could find it again. But again that study put us with GNC (pretty sure it was cis) women!

Please not this is coming from someone who's been SA'd pre and post coming out as trans. Did you know some people see us as a way to see if they're gay or bi? Like experiment on us, get us drunk and tell us we should just take it because "well you're supposed to be a man right?" We can't even get to these conversations yet and I'm worried we never will.

Do we even exist? Are we allowed to voice our opinions? Are we allowed to be mad? Are we allowed to be upset with our community? Can we do our own studies? Should we be more visible? I'm scared to, I don't wanna show my face I'm a very private person, but do I need to address that? Is that a bad thing? Is it perpetuated by my environment?

I don't know and honestly I just wanna see more variety of trans masc people, I'm scared we're just gonna stay under the radar and continue to deal with the bullshit we always have.

Ps. Jessie gender 100% did the I have a trans masc friend, no matter how much they said "I'm not doing that" they literally were doing it and there was almost no self reflection on that at all. This wasn't really the video I think they thought it was cause all it did was tell me they don't talk to us very often and that at this point I've just seen heart reacts to comments on their video's comments and not any actual responses to what anyone's said on there. It'll be a process I get it but this video was not good at all and I feel like any trans masc who's getting excited about being seen by a bigish YouTuber is like me desperate for anything validation cause that's kinda how starved we are out here tbh.

[fangirleaconmigo]

I am feeling all kinds of stuff tonight. So I'm taking a break from my regularly scheduled fandom programming and bringing you this, my post ,as a feminist, about trans rights. I feel like with all the shit going on right now, it's good to let people know where you stand, damn the consequences.

Alright.

Those of you who follow me know that I lost a dear friend to suicide a few weeks ago. She was a caring, kind human being, and a butch lesbian woman.

I was just sitting here tonight going through all of the facebook posts she ever tagged me in, just crying again and missing her. And I came across one very very long post she made a few years ago that I had completely forgotten about.

One day in 2017 she poured out her heart about being kicked out of a women's restroom at the Y again. She was very tall and athletic and had short hair, and this was not the first time it had happened to her.

Her post is lengthy and the heartbreak she felt being rejected from womanhood for her 'unfeminine' appearance is so visceral and so painful. She had experienced an intense amount of violent gender based and homophobic abuse in her life. She felt a deep, deep connection with her womanhood and with other women.

If you've read my other posts about her, you know that she liked to call her woman friends "warrior women" and have "yaya sisterhood" bonfire parties at her house. She always built us up. She gave a shit about other women, so sincerely.

So to see her pain again about this, about the way that she was constantly being 'defined out of' woman hood and treated as a predator made me enraged all over again.

I don't get involved in arguments online if I can at all help it (you all have noticed that I'm sure, I'm here to have a good time). But please let me share something personal here for a moment. If you follow me and were ever curious about where I stand, (being a feminist online during these horrible times) here it is.

Transphobia. Hurts. All. Women. Transphobia. Is. Not. Feminism. Transphobia is hate.

Mari is not the only butch friend I have who has been treated like a predator, kicked out of bathrooms, and been treated as an outsider to woman hood for visibly 'failing' a visual femininity test. It is such a stab to the gut to be rejected by your own people.

Yes, she was a cis woman. But she was still rejected by those who define women down to 'femininity' and 'clocking' as a woman, and being small and dainty and shit. She suffered from that. We all fucking suffer from that. I have another butch queer friend who this happens to. She gets kicked out of bathrooms. It's never happened when I'm there, which is probably better for everyone, because I get so enraged on her behalf just hearing about it. I'm a deeply nonviolent person but in person, I don't know what I'd do.

So let us be clear. All of the anti-trans bullshit going on, all the transphobia going absolutely bonkers online right now, makes literally all of this even worse and more hostile for women. All women.

For as long as we require women to 'clock' as uber feminine, for as long as we police women's genitalia when they walk into a restroom, for as long as we make queer women feel like predators for not conforming to social pressures of femininity, WE WILL BE ABUSING OURSELVES. WE WILL BE POISONING OURSELVES TO FIT IN WITH THE CONSERVATIVE, TRADITIONAL, HOMOPHOBIC MAINSTREAM WHO FUCKING HATES US.

Let me say that again, so this is clear. THEY FUCKING HATE US.

I don't give a shit what they say about feminism. "Oh, we are here to protect you from trans women"

Shut the ENTIRE fuck up. Just stop. I've lived on this earth as a woman for 46 goddamned years. You cannot pee on my leg and tell me it's goddamned raining.

Every time I've been politically disenfranchised, oppressed, underestimated, exploited, IT HAS BEEN BY THE RIGHT WING POLITICAL ESTABLISHMENT. IT HAS BEEN BY MISOGYNISTIC CISHET MEN AND THEIR HELPMATES, USUALLY CISHET UPPER CLASS WHITE CHRISTIAN WOMEN.

The thing that oppresses women are the systems and cultures of misogyny. Are you telling me trans women built those? lmaooooooooooooo get the entire fuck out.

They always say...oh, trans women can't be women because of the 'female experience'. So let this experienced female tell you that I fucking see you. I see you lying through your teeth about suddenly giving a shit about us.

I see you.

Young cis women, budding feminists. Do not let these people tell you that it's feminist to reject trans women. Do not let them say it's feminist to lament trans men and the 'loss' that purportedly represents to womanhood. Fuck that. It isn't feminism. It regressive. It's bigotry.

Do you not see how, every fucking time they talk about trans women they bring up rape?

Why? Ask yourself why?

Are trans women more likely to rape? No. Statistically, factually, they are most likely to be raped.

Is there some fuckn loophole somewhere that says trans women can legally rape people? And we gotta do something about that?

NO! In fact, in the US, it's functionally legal to assault and even kill trans women. These dudes are always fucking getting away with it, they just have to claim they were 'surprised' or some shit.

So then why do they always bring up rape?

Because they are trying to create an association between trans women and predatory behavior. To vilify them. As a Mexican American woman let me tell you that this is EXACTLY like when Trump brought up Mexican people EVERY FUCKN TIME he immediately brought up rape and drugs.

It's creating a connection in the minds of your audience. It is a process of hate. It is a process of dehumanization. And what does it directly precede? An oppressive action. They do it when they want to persecute a group of people and they don't want anyone to stop them.

It's hate and it should chill you to your core. They are out there killing these women! They are abusing and killing trans women, and trying to make you hate them so they can accrue even more clout and power. If you claim to be a decent human being, I'm gonna need you to give a fuck about that.

Then they act like they do it out of feminism.

They say...oh, we support women being 'unfeminine'. Trans men, for example, should just be butches and not trans their genders...

Oh fuck you. I was there. I was called every name in the book for not being feminine enough. It was right wingers who told me I should have been born a man. That I needed to change. To conform.

And now these same people are saying...oh we're on your side. We think we should get rid of gender stereotypes, not have all this trans-ness going.

Fuck you, you don't care about gender stereotypes.

Kids, never, ever, ever, ever trust someone who allies with alt right, far right, homophobic conservatives. They don't care about you. They aren't feminist.

Every election period I am reminded of who my sisters are. My cishet so called sisters who vote right wing with their husbands and ally with their whiteness and their class are not my fucking sisters. (I'm American, but I know this isn't unique to us)

If you support autonomy for women, and I mean ALL women, then you are my sister (or brother, or sibling, I claim you, I fuck with you is what I'm saying). If you lift up other women, the way my friend Mari did, then I claim you.

But if you claim to believe in improving the lives of all women, then that simply must include trans women.

Your so called feminism simply cannot include mocking women for looking masculine. It simply cannot include defining women by their genitalia. It simply cannot include policing women's genitalia or child rearing capacity.

They say...oh define women. Give us a definition then. You lose because you can't define women.

Fuck you.

I don't need to define women. I just need to love women, to be in solidarity with women. And I do. I support us. I volunteer for Planned Parenthood. I give money to pro-choice women who run for office. (again, women who support women) My home stays open to women leaving abusive relationships. I've housed at least five women over the past five years. I don't talk about it online because that's not why I do it. I do it because we need to stick together. So that's what I do. I march. I care. I give a shit.

And I appreciate anyone who stands with us of any gender you've got. Men? Awesome, stand right here. You've got a new gender? Fucking awesome. Stand right here. Hold this sign.

And as for trans women?

They are trying to legislate trans women's rights to medical procedures, to access to their own bodies.

I know what that's like.

They want to humiliate trans women for not meeting this high standard of 'feminine'

Shit, I know that what that's like too.

They want to define trans women by their internal organs and demean them for not functioning as a womb?

Me too, sister.

The thing is, I believe in trans women. In all trans people. Do you seriously fucking think that seven billion unruly human goddamn beings can (or should) neatly fit into ONE OF TWO FUCKING BOXES AND STAY THERE OBEDIENTLY NO MATTER WHAT THEIR OWN COMFORT AND HAPPINESS DICTATES? That's the most implausible, deranged thing I've ever heard.

Gender and social roles exist to serve humans. NOT the other way around.

I will always believe this. Human well-being first. Human dignity first. Social roles if they help, if they fit, if people like them. If not, chuck em.

So, yeah. I know this is a fandom blog. But I'm sitting here reading my friend's pain posthumously and I'm so angry. I'm just so angry.

How do I wrap this up? I don't know. I don't know everything. I'm not an expert or a scientist. I'm an Old and I have to google half the words I see online that people use when they talk about their gender or sexual orientation. (I've learned a lot these past few years on here!) So I'm not the expert. I don't understand it all. (who does??? LITerally NO ONE). I've made mistakes, I'll keep making mistakes. Unproblematic? I don't know her. No one does. Our asses are all problematic.

I just know that I give a shit about people, that I care about my fellow women, and that is literally all you have to do. And anyone who harasses, abuses, or just makes their lives miserable in general is on my shit list.

So yeah. Trans rights, folks. And feminists? If your feminism includes genitalia checks, it's not feminism it's fucking bigotry.

Thanks for reading x

[xdemonicheartx]

Ive been struggling a lot with my self image to the point I’m having breakdowns in the mirror. I need help from anyone who can.

I’m AFAB agender/non binary and ive got some gripes about me I want help in altering in any way if I could get help finding resources or workouts or anything that would help me achieve a more masculine silhouette I would kiss you on the mouth (with your consent of course )

I am 24 years old, 5’7”/170.18cm, 195lbs/88.5kg, type one diabetic, neurodivergent (diagnosed ADHD, high suspicion of comorbid Autism though i cannot get an official diagnosis because the waitlist closest to home is a 2 year wait as of 2022) fibromyalgia is also present for anyone who needs any context regarding health concerns surrounding medical procedures they might recommend or suggest

Below are the things I need help in changing as a list with some details surrounding my anatomical structure

My goal is to be completely unsure if I’m a male or female with a look alone but with androgyny that can be a pretty broad area. I know if I gain upper body musculature that can help but I cannot afford a gym membership yet

vvv More below vvv

I have an exceptionally voluptuous butt. Its almost comical to me, I would say I’m slim-thick or pear shaped. Its the type of back end that a lot of cis femme women would covet, its mostly muscle tissue due to years of athletics but theres also scar tissue from years of insulin injections

My hips are VERY wide. Like I said I’m pear shaped, I hate the curvy figure I have and its rounded edges, I have small pockets of fat resting on my hips that only add to the figure

I have a very stubborn hormonal fat deposit on my stomach I want to stop oral birth control which is the most likely culprit but I currently cannot until I can get a hysterectomy

I have a muffin top and artificial hip dips due to fat deposits that I am looking to tame

Chest dysphoria, I don’t have large boobs, they’re a perky B/C cup. I would consider top surgery but I don’t know how to bring that up with my partner. I do use a fytist binder and I love how my chest looks flat/with nice pectoral muscle (even if its smushed boob). My partner loves the way I am shaped overall but I do not. (He/him/they/them bisexual)

Facial features are so rounded and I cant contour to save my life. I know losing weight will be seen in the face first but what else can I do?

Speaking of face I have loose skin under my chin thats not a double chin but any type of glance downward makes a pseudo double chin and I’m incredibly insecure about it. I have a relatively feminine jaw line and I have a jaw exerciser/silicone bite that I need to use more. Are neck tucks something available for me?

I have hooded eyes, they make me look so tired. I know eye lid lifts are a procedure but thats something I would need to save up for and plan for, I am unsure if losing weight would change this

The triceps of my arms feel like they’re on the road to bingo wings/bat wings, I know the tricep is supposed to hang freely when relaxed and not in use but when my arm hands at my side there is a bit of pudge above my elbow that says “body fat” and not soft muscle

I understand weight loss can help with a small handful of these and muscle building can too but there are additional features and traits that cannot be worked for aside from medical intervention and cosmetic electives. I’m looking for workouts, medical procedures and price ranges, shapewear, makeup tutorials, diets that help in weight loss or muscle gain, and literally anything else that might help me feel like this is my body. Its becoming a large hinderance on my mental wellbeing

I really cannot keep dwelling on how my body is wrong when its something I am stuck with for life so all I can do is work to alter it and care for it. However I know these alterations are possible. Ive seen incredible transformations and transitions within the trans community and NB communities and I’m really hoping some of your experiences can be passed onto me so that I can live as myself too

I appreciate those that have taken the time to read this far. Thank you

[pro-birth]

I’m always intrigued by the liberal feminist tactic of just…ignoring women when it suits them.

So I’m reading “The Bonobo Sisterhood” by a Harvard lawyer and professor who specializes and has worked in the activism field. Cool! The book is about how patriarchal violence relies on male-to-male partnerships that promise not to intrude on the other’s sexual coercion, so we should mimic the bonobos who have strong female alliances that fight against males that act up. Also cool! I was especially drawn in by her phrase “the patriarchy is not inevitable.” Anyone who acknowledges a widespread problem while still offering a solution (instead of being a straight up nihilist) will always catch my attention, so I figured: why not! Let’s give this book a read.

I don’t regret reading it, but it’s always frustrating to start a book that interests you that ends up showing it’s movement’s underlying bias.

Example 1 - claims that women (cis or trans) do not riot (or are socially conditioned to not riot)

But guess who DOES riot?

Radical feminists!

And trans women!

Guess what the author is?

A liberal TRA feminist!

So in her call to bring up a sister hood even if we don’t like certain women…she ignores the existence of one branch of feminism she dislikes (radfems) and overlooks the violent tendencies of another branch of “sisters” (Autogynephilics harming other women, trans women in LGBT riots, the drag queens who attacked that one shooter at their club [note: i love them, they're cool], etc).

Example 2 - She cites Castle Doctrines as proof that past laws that give men the rights to their wives and homes as their own castles and subjects to rule over have poured over into gun rights laws that give people the right to kill intruders on their property. Her only explanation of this is that one dude shot his ex through the window when a cop came to pick up her kids. Something that would never stand in court as self defense.

And yet...while calling guns phallic and a part of the patriarchal violence culture, she excludes cis women, wlw, and trans women who have regularly used guns as a form of self defense.

Because she's -- you guessed it -- a biased liberal feminist.

I may not finish this book. Because I already care about and foster a sisterhood that looks out for other women, and it has no room for people who erase women like me.

[manic-pixie-dick-girl]

TW trans surgeries, vaginoplasty, genital talk:

I think I've learned something important about vaginoplasty and neovaginas (technical term for trans girl coochie) from my last reblog about the great wall of vagina vulva:

I decided to see if I could tell which of the vulvas were trans women's. I've seen a fair few from looking at post-op result pics and doing research for my own surgery, so I was pretty confident.

I could for certain say two or three were neovaginas, and had maybe 7 or 8 that I thought were but couldn't be sure. What I realised though, was that all of these ones I thought were trans women's vulvas had one thing in common:

A lack of fleshiness, for lack of a better word. No large labia minora, no prominent clitoris, no defined clitoral hood.

This was a huge light bulb moment to me! It says SO MUCH about the state of vaginoplasty, and the people performing these surgeries.

Firstly, having a "neat" vulva is considered more aesthetically pleasing. I have no fucking idea why, but it's true. That's the classic porn star look for some reason. So when we get designer coochies, that's what we get made. "Fashionable" pussy. Which is so fucking weird to me.

Secondly, from my understanding a lot of vaginoplasty's difficulty is that you only have so much skin to work with. It doesn't usually take skin from elsewhere in the body, just reuses genital tissue in a like-for-like manner. The fact that there is barely any tissue around the outside means that practically all of it has been used to achieve as much depth as possible.

Which just SCREAMS "oh a straight cis guy developed this surgical technique" to me! Because if you spend all your working material on depth that means you think it's the most important factor. And why would you think that? I can only imagine it's because you see the vagina as first and foremost a hole for a cock to go. Why else would you care if your vagina is 7 inches deep vs 4? The misogyny rankles. Can the patriarchy please get out of my hypothetical future pussy.

Because I tell you what: as a massive raging lesbian this seems completely backwards. Given the choice, I'd spend as much tissue as needed to create a fully defined vulva, and then whatever is left gets spent on depth. I care much more about what it looks like in the mirror or if a partner wants to go down on me than how much dick can fit in it.

Besides, if I do end up having sex with a be-penised person then well to be blunt I already have a perfectly good hole to put it in. It even comes with its own g-spot. Why would I need another one?

Okay pussy rant over.

[majoringinsarcasm]

The thing about TERFs is that they’ll talk about the issues women face and how things are unfair or not designed with women in mind and how society was shaped around men and how it still is like that in many many places.

But instead of seeing that as a system that needs to be changed, they take all of that as Inherent and Biological when that’s not the case. And in fact is just adhering to what the system has been from the start.

More rambling underneath idk I’ve just been thinking about stuff lately

“Men are born hating women. They are born with this instinct to harass and assault and it’s only a matter of time before they do. You cannot transition into a women because you are not socialized the same was a them. You didn’t suffer what they suffered. You don’t know all the True Ways of being a women so anything you do is a mockery.”

And I just have to wonder. Who taught you about women hood? I don’t mean what did society tell you or show you. Who taught you as an individual why being a woman meant To Them.

Because there are a lot of women in this world who wake up and are so happy to be women. Who feel pride in not just their body but their mind and goals and ideals and dreams. Who see womanhood as something to strive towards. Not one thing to earn by doing the right things but panting to gain For The Self. The way they carry themselves and treat others, the way they see and want to shape the world.

I am not cis, but not because I was scared or felt that I was failing at being a girl. I didn’t feel like one. All of that Inherent and Biological stuff I was meant to feel as a girl and future women wasn’t clicking. All the talking points that TERFs and transphobes make about this or that. It wasn’t clicking. I was a Girl no doubt, because I wasn’t a boy and those were my only options. And it was fine for me because I wasn’t taught to hate it. I was surrounded by women who enjoyed being women. I don’t reject my upbringing bc it’s the only one I had. It was fine because My Life more or less wasn’t filled with that kind of suffering.

I do not define my identity by suffering. I tried to once and that almost killed me. I was taught by other queer people that I had to hate my body or I wasn’t really trans. I’ve never been assaulted for being queer but I’m not out at work. I don’t feel safe and I know I don’t look any different. It took me ages to just be okay with My Body being a trans body I’m not sure when I’ll be ready to take that next step. But I’ll make it in my on time if I ever do.

But I’m trans bc I LACK the euphoria of being a woman. There is no joy or pride. I was a Weird Girl bc no other word existed for me back then. I was a human but a girl. I was a person but a girl. And when I discovered there were other words I felt happy. I didn’t need to be a Different from the rest girl or a Late Blooming girl. Nonbinary came along. Trans came along. Agender came along. I had new words to try out and they fit me in the way Weird Girl no longer needed to act as a placeholder.

I say All of this just to reiterate how stupid those biological talking points are. On both sides mind you because the queer community from what I’ve seen is not kind to AMAB people and that upsetting. Because there is no inherent evil of birth sex or body. There is no way to tell who is Good and Safe and who is Harmful other than their actions. This is not me ignoring society structure. This is me saying that

“You don’t know my pain so you’re not a real X”

Sounds a lot like

“If all you need to be X is the desire and genuine euphoria with identifying as such to the point of choosing a scary series of events and possible hatred from others, all because you will be happy at the end of the road, then My suffering doesn’t mean I’m worthy of this title. I am just someone who suffered.”

And it’s fucked up the way we live now. And there is no blank slate. And we STILL act as a group on these issues. But it doesn’t need to stay that way. We as individuals can make that change day by day until we don’t need to fear or resent each other to feel safe. Where we won’t have to fight over scraps. But we won’t get there by listening to people who wish us harm or who make up criteria that even other cis people don’t meet.

[a-crippled-creature]

dear american government classmates

i know that you don't realize this, but not only (cis dyadic) women can get pregnant. not every man is your oppressor. there are some men who are in the same boat as you. affected by the dehumanized beliefs as you, if not worse.

and the fucking fact that you brush it off, after i tried explaining it twice tells me that you rather keep on being purposefully ignorant, since it's easier to keep this binary sense of victim-hood than to have an ounce of empathy for other people than your own, shows me that you're complacent in the deaths of trans, intersex, and other gender/sex variant people.

so don't be fucking surprise when we say that you have blood on your hands. don't be fucking surprise when we attack you next.

[tornad001]

Btw i agree with your addition about gender abolition to that post, but what everyone seems to have missed is that it also implies a lot of if not all trans men are actually women? So it's not even validating of all trans people just a specific group

no i think u missed the point. nobody has any innate claim to any specific gender identity that is stronger than anyone else's claim to any other. my claim to womanhood is identical to my claim to manhood is identical to my claim to non-binary-hood. they're all equally valid

a trans woman has an equally valid claim to womanhood as she does to being a man or nonbinary. a trans man has an equally valid claim to whatever identity they want too. as do cis ppl. the point is that the categories are arbitrary cuz they kinda have to be. how else do we make sense of someone identifying as one gender and actually legitimately being that gender, but then they decide they wanna be something else and then they suddenly are. that only makes sense if "woman", "man", etc. are linguistic categories rather than taxonomic ones.

the op on that post's most crucial mistake by my light is assuming that gender is in fact a taxonomic category at all. there's not a single trait or experience which is shared by all women and not shared by all non-women other than their desire to associate themselves with the word "woman". likewise with "men" or "nonbinary ppl". idk what other system can make sense of the idea that someone's chosen identity is really the only relevant factor in someone's gender. any attempt to link gender categories to any trait other than linguistic distinction is ultimately futile because it will eventually devolve into gender essentialism of some kind or another which excludes certain people we would all call women from said category

tldr; trans women are women exactly as long as they desire to be associated with the category, trans men are men exactly as long as they desire to be associated with that category, nonbinary folk r nonbinary so long as they wish to be. its the only logical framework for understanding the self-identification theory of gender. its not that trans men are women, its that the instant they wanna be a woman, they are, and the instant they wanna be a man again, they are. its just a recapitulation of the self-id theory of gender

p.s. my framework for understanding this does mean that gender essentialism or anything more conservative than radical self-id isn't necessarily less valid than my system. gender is a construct and so there's no correct way of understanding it. my only contention would be that my system minimizes harm and most adequately makes sense of the reality of how we DO engage with gender. i don't think my understanding of gender here is more valid or correct, just more useful, and i would argue for it on that merit alone

[grippysocksenthusiast]

The transwomen and sports conversation continues to piss me off when people only bring it up as a way to invalidate trans people. Even though the vast majority of trans folks don't play sports and those that do aren't even dominating their scene. I don't know who this coach is but I appreciate the fuck out of her. I ain't want to just stan someone I dont know, so I do want to take the time and talk about it. A lot of the fearmongering I've seen is just "well men who lose to other men will just transition and dominate women's sports," or any other variation of that ridiculous sentiment. Anyone competing in sports after transition is doing so because they've spent so much of their lives competing and practicing for something they're genuinely passionate about and being forced to give that up because you don't want to live in a body you're not comfortable in is cruel. Every trans person I've ever seen will tiptoe around this subject when it gets brought because it immediately turns into people finding not- -so-subtle ways to call us men. I fully understand that the evidence for both arguments is inconclusive given how small most of the sample sizes for these studies are. Like I can link you this study talking about how drastically estrogen lowers one's athletic advantage over cis-women but it'd be disingenuous for me to take this info and run with it given we just don't have the data on a large sample size yet. which makes sense given that trans people are less than 1% of the (US) population, of the 1.6million individuals only 38.5% of them identify as transwomen. Yet its being made out to be this gigantic issue that we have to be worried about. No, transwomen are not here to steal your accolades or ruin women's sports. Most of the heat regarding this topic ends up targeting children and college athletes which IMO is just cruel. These kids aren't transitioning and taking up sports with the hopes to dominate and ruin the lives of cis girls. They're doing it because its fun.. Sports are one of the many ways for children to interact with each other. Build community, build bonds that will last a life time. Create memories that they'll carry with them well into adult hood and some people want to take that experience away from them. Like you have a child here talking to these adults about how much hockey means to her and all the adults in the room can come up with are hypotheticals. I know I focused on transwomen in this post but the sentiment still applies to trans men, nonbinary folks and intersex folks too. The latter of which are continuing to be discriminated against in sports too despite being born the way they are.

I saw Dawn being a huge topic of discussion yesterday, and I never looked into why because I was nervous and I'm tired of being disappointed in people I admire. Well, I played myself. She was being amazing, as usual. Congrats on winning the championship!

[transguysupply]

Tre, the protagonist of Boyz n the Hood, kinda has the perfect setup. Both of his parents are educated and have managed to go their entire lives staying off the streets, his dad is around to teach him sex ed and why joing the army is terrible thing and why going to bat against other marginalized men is a terrible idea because centuries of institutional power have been set up so that when you make enemies in your own community you end up killing each other off and continuing the legacy of white supremacist patriarchy that leaves children without fathers and women without husbands, that violence is a tool of both good and evil but should only be used as a last resort, etc.

Even so, when his best friend gets killed in a petty drive-by shooting, he runs off to circle the city all night with his friends on a revenge quest. He steals his dad's gun and runs out the back window to join his friends, who don't have the benefits of a strong, positive male role model that the Tre had, but share an end goal with nonetheless. It's only after they've been on the prowl for three hours, when Tre's cold and hungry, that he's like "actually, let me out. I don't wanna do this. I wanna go home and study and be safe with my dad", and gets out of the car and walks back home with the gun tucked away. Even with all the best guidance and all the best education and resources at his disposal, he's still not immune to falling prey to darker, more destructive aspects of masculinity. He's still living in a society that conflates violence and control with manhood and masculinity and even goes so far as to reward it. The only thing stopping him from turning out like his friends is having the benefit of knowing that this isn't the only way, because he's been exposed to a reality where selling drugs and killing other black men and being a deadbeat father isn't the only path.

That's what being a trans man feels like, to me. The reality of my life and my identity and my situation feels less like "I'm onotologically different from The Scary Evil Cis Men and thus I am superior" and more "I'm a man who just happened to be graced with the reality that a better world is possible and try to navigate the world with this knowledge as best as humanly possible. Of course I slip up, of course I've been a sexist and homophobic jerk, of course I've resorted to anger and violence because I felt it was the only way to be taken seriously. I was closest with my brothers and had male best friends all my life, I was mimicking what I saw. I'm not proud of it, but I own it because, hey, that's the state of the world we live in and I'm doing the best I can with what I have in it."

[thedarkwoodfae]

Discourse on my dashboard today is about trans identities and their relative proximity to oppression. I feel that if the discussion has reached this point then we've already failed one another.

Us trans men and masc-leaning non-cis are apparently being accused of selfishness. The claim is that we care about ourselves and our own struggle more than we care about the struggle of others; in this particular case, we're accused of putting our voices above the voices of our beautiful, pained, feminine counterparts.

Some days it feels like we're damned if we do and damned if we don't. Today is one of those days. I’ve seen some very articulate, well-thought-out replies from both sides, but I’d like to share my view alongside the others for further perspective.

On Man- vs. Woman- hood:

Before we knew who we were, we existed as some form of woman, if only in the eyes of others. Within those gazes, we were looked down upon. We were the 'weaker' sex. We were inferior. Less smart. Less resourceful. Paid less in the workplace. Surrounded by weaponized incompetence and misogyny. Seen and not heard. As we are, we are deformed flowers, contorting however we can to reach the sun.

One day, we meet our true self and we make a decision. We make a change. We choose authenticity, whatever the cost, and we enter a new world where we are eager to finally step into the light. A world where we are more than something gangled to look at, where we might begin to grow properly. A place where we’re allowed to exist and take up space, since we weren’t given that before.

Unfortunately, rather than stepping into the light, we're often expected to step into a new shadow. We thought we might finally matter here and are in agony as we’re again directed to be silent. Now, we must be seen and not heard because of the sudden onset of privileges we’re supposed to unilaterally receive.

We are expected to give our voices to others so that their pain may be heard. Then, when we ask ‘when is my voice allowed to be for me,’ we are admonished for our selfishness.

I’m a person before all else. I’ve been abused by many, in many different ways, and I’ve lived multiple lives where other people’s needs and wants were supposed to come before my own. I cannot thrive in a world where my existence is viewed as an inconvenience to someone else's cause.

Putting trans men against trans women like this is cruel. Suggesting that an underserved community lower their voice so that another group can be heard is telling some of us to wilt so that someone else can flourish. It would be one thing if we were healthy, strong flowers, because a plant like that can share the sunlight. Some of us can.

However, many of us are not that plant.

You are asking the wrong plants to give up the sun.

[not-available-for-comment]

Just going to circle this excellent addition back around to the connection to radfem TERFs in op’s posts. A lot of radfem and proto-radfem rhetoric that I see posits this “universal” female experience that trans women are supposedly inherently excluded from (and that trans men are misguidedly trying to escape). This is obviously bullshit in some superficial ways—even just normal variation in family dynamics can give two women from similar class and cultural backgrounds different experiences. And there’s a strain of radfem rhetoric—usually aimed at trans men—that tries to claim that all women secretly hate being women or feel indifferent towards their gender but bioessentialism traps everyone in their AGAB and it’s best to just accept that. Which is uhhhhh NOT true and makes me very 👀 about the gender feelings of the people who try to claim it is.

But I really feel most radfem rhetoric falls apart instantly when the lens of race or class is applied. As OP says, an awful lot of radfem rhetoric is just “angel in the home” benevolent misogyny reskinned for a slightly different audience. But, as @mountaindwellingcreature points out, almost all of the supposedly “universal”, “essential” female experiences and traits posited by this strain of thought have NEVER been applied to women of color and Black women especially. And working class women of any race are frequently left out as well, as are many disabled women. Not only do women in these groups but especially women of color experience a totally different type of misogyny in their day-to-day lives, but their experiences of their gender in general are shaped by the fact that the basic assumptions of the people around them will be radically different.

In non-radical white feminism this is a reality that is only just beginning to be very hesitantly and haltingly addressed. Black women of all classes have been writing for some time about just how much of their reality remains unacknowledged by feminist rhetoric and activism, and that’s why it’s important to integrate Black voices like bell hooks, Audre Lorde, and Mikki Kendall into any formal study of feminism. (For a very accessible discussion of the ways that feminism could help everyone more by incorporating the concerns of poor and working class Black women, see Kendall’s book Hood Feminism.) In previous generations, many Black women subscribed to a more Black-inclusive strain of women’s empowerment called womanism, largely because the main feminist movement was so intensely dismissive of their concerns.

All of this leads to my point: Radfem ideology doesn’t even remotely make sense for most cis women. It requires a model of femininity that has only ever been applied to white middle class able bodied cis women in the West. I have seen people on this very website try to universalize their experiences of girlhood or womanhood to vast unifying archetypes and while I’m happy they’re enjoying their gender that does not work on any kind of activist of political level. The only way to carry actual for real women’s empowerment feminism forward into the future is to expand our definition of womanhood or else. And yeah, I include trans women in that but I also include Black women. I include working class women. I include Latino women and Asian women. I include women who don’t even live in Europe or North America. I include women who do but have precarious immigration status. I include women who can’t be caregivers because they need to be taken care of. I include women who are always considered default caregivers even when they SHOULD be the ones being taken care of. I include all queer women who don’t happen to fit the narrow definition of “acceptable” queerness allowed in radfem ideology. Radical feminism is an ideological dead end because its definition of womanhood is a bankrupt and weak-willed concession to a version of feminism that was incomplete and self-defeating when it was established, and one that many brilliant women have been systematically working to dismantle for decades.

The way to “save feminism”, if that’s the sort of thing that keeps you up at night, is to make it big enough to apply to and uplift many kinds of women, not by locking it down to the kind of humorless weirdo who breaks out the calipers on every woman they meet to ensure they meet a country club’s definition of womanhood.

We need to bring back the term “benevolent sexism” into widespread use for real. It’s a major mechanism in how bioessentialist Girlboss Radfems can be turned into bioessentialist conservative Tradwives.