#a small part of me selfishly hopes people feel this way about my work

[onyourowndaisymae]

genuine shoutout to the creators in fandom spaces. there are fandom-related art pieces that have genuinely lingered in my mind for ages. i will scroll back through my likes frequently just to reread a post i saved forever ago because it's that good. fan creation can be a thankless job, especially when you burnout or feel underappreciated, but just know that i genuinely am in awe of every creator's ability to build upon something so loved and create masterpieces that i think about years later

[singukieee]

—my all time favourite bts fics (pt. 1) ᯓᡣ𐭩

consists of my personal favourite bts fics that I've read countless of times. including those from other platforms, such as Wattpad, AO3, and Patreon.

For some works that are cross-posted between tumblr and wp/ao3, I'd only link them to the latters bcs I find it easier to read and navigate the stories on those. but I also tagged all the authors I know are here and linked the rest so you can check their blogs out yourself!

I'll also separate this list into several parts simply because there's too many... So it'd be easier for you guys to navigate!

red means unfinished

blue means finished

🗯️ editor's note

(sorted by alphabetical order)

A Place Called Home by @agustdakasuga

Having saved your own injured hybrid, you were determined to try and help any other hybrid that crossed your path who needed saving. But being a vet in a small hospital wasn’t enough for you. You wanted to do more, you wanted to make a difference. You wanted to give them a home.

Accidental Friends by Erakun06

Meet Bangtan, international superstars, the pride of South Korea, the love and hope in the dark of many lives, the role model and celebrity crush of so many people, and a group of people you often stumble across in your day to day life. You become acquaintances, slowly become friends, and- that's it. You are in a platonic friendship with Bangtan. Let me say it again. clears throat PLATONIC. Or One day, you meet a member of Bangtan, the next day, another, and another, and another, and one day, they become a group of people you often stumble across in your life. They become your acquaintances. Then your friends. Then your source of comfort, just like they are the source of comfort of millions of people in the world. What you didn't expect is that you become the same to them. It's inevitable. You are friends.

🗯️ a theme that I don't find much of, and this one was excecuted quite neatly I'd say

Ace For Hire by tokki-maknae

Who is Ace? Besides being the deadliest hitman on the market in the underground, whose really under the hood? The answers simple, well for you at least, because you are Ace. When you're not busy blurring yourself into the background noises of school, you were making a killing in the underground, both literally and figuratively. For years now Ace has become an infamous name among the other gangs and holds the reputation of being lethal and untouchable. But that all changes after a slip up that causes you to attract the unwanted attention of one persistent seven member gang. A gang that's been dying to know, who is Ace?

🗯️ badassss

At Your Service by @untaemedqueen

In which Yn is looking for an escort to accompany her to her nightmare ex and ex best friend's wedding, only to ended up falling in love with him.

Baby (you complete us) by @purpleyoonn

Soulmates were a common occurrence, so common, in fact, that the world sought an easier way to find your other half: A bracelet that would scan your mark and match you with those who shared your mark. Within recent years, soul groups were becoming normal, and your own bracelet said you have seven matches. Or where you wear your bracelet for ten years, and finally give up the hope you would find your soul group, only for BTS to put theirs on and see what they were missing.

Back Home by AlexLorchan / @alexlwrites

Secretly, he was selfishly hoping that you didn’t age well. Dealing with a small crush was easy enough when he was young and knew next to nothing about girls, when you were just a cute albeit slightly weird girl he had a soft spot for. But he wouldn’t know what to do with himself if his feelings came back with a vengeance while you were living together. God, he would probably lock himself with Jungkook until you went away. OR The one where, after living abroad for years, you move back to Korea and your old high school friend Namjoon offers you his place to stay while you get settled, casually forgetting to mention that: a) he still had a massive crush on you. b) he lived with six other guys.

🗯️ crack fic! my fave category and this one makes me giggle in both funny way and butterfly-in-my-stomach kinda way

Beauty of Love by @imnotlauriane

When you cross eyes with your soulmate, you get flashes of memories that have yet to happen. You can't see the same memory as the other and it can be either good or bad. It's not always terrible, but a thing is for sure. No matter what you do, it will happen. But are things always what they seem to be?

Between The Bloodshed series by @agustdakasuga

🗯️ this series... I just love. plot is super neat, relationship doesn't feel forced, etc etc

❶ Between The Bloodshed

Being a freelance doctor, this was just supposed to be any other job, helping a private client and taking care of him through his recovery. But you were not expecting to get caught in something so much darker that you would have to leave your life behind and build a new one.

❷ Everything Between Us

They left you hanging, they broke your heart. You didn’t get your happily ever after. But now they’re back and they’re searching for you to make things right. Could you look past the betrayal to take them back into your life and back into your heart?

Beyond The Stage by Alysheart

Alexis was going through the days simply. She was a college student in Florida, working towards her degree. When she scored tickets to the BTS concert in Korea, she didn't hesitate. She never expected to be soulmates with the seven idols.

Bound by Blood by PurpleQueenie

In a world where vampires and humans have to co-exist, where the line between tolerance and animosity blurs, how can you ever expect to get your happily ever after when your soulmates hate your very existence?

🗯️ love all the details, the slow burn, gosh just so good

Boyfriend For Hire by @remedyx

Unsatisfied with your life was an understatement. Being under the thumb of your father can have that effect. He wanted someone capable of running the company, but you wanted to pursue your passion. Countless unwanted blind dates and the threat of losing your freedom drives you to seek help from a group of individuals you'd least expected.

Breakthrough by Alphathyx

"My dreams haunt me like past memories that never existed" The Memory Dive, an invention that allows the user to dive into anyone's memories just from the collection of their DNA. Made by Professor Kim Seokjin, he created this device for the worlds secret service to solve mysteries that the ordinary field agents are unable to. With seven agents, ranging from ex military, to a university professor, college student and even a criminal, only these seven are able to use this machine to extract memories of others. They are also the only people that know how to escape it. Discover through their eyes of uncovering the darkest truths of the world, through the minds of victims.

🗯️ this one's super neat plot with complicated and technical world, just so good

Bright Colors and Loud Soulmates by Mostmouse

You resented soulmates, the whole damn concept. It just wasn't your thing, and you couldn't help but feel jealous of those who were born without soulmates, who could see the world as it was intended to be from birth. When you run into your soulmate, you're determined to stay in your own sphere of the world. Focusing on you. But, because nothing is simple in your life, it turns out he's one of seven - better yet, your seven soulmates are the globally famous band BTS. Because why wouldn't they be? OR you learn how to let your soulmates past your carefully crafted walls, and they’re more than happy to show you what a loving and supportive relationship should look like.

🗯️ a funny and cute one! (with extra h0rny characters lol)

BTS Office CEO AU by @jiminiesfavouritecolourisblue

You work for seven CEOs who have called you into their office due to a complaint

Can't Wait To See You Again by AlexLorchan / @alexlwrites

The one where Jungkook develops a huge crush on a Youtuber he found after falling into the rabbit hole of his recommended videos. Unbeknownst to him, you were also recommended to his hyungs. Unbeknownst to you, all across the world seven idols were slowly falling in love with you.

🗯️ I just love the concept of the boys being fanboys :3

Choco Bun by @nunchiimagines

When you moved to Korea after finishing college to continue pursuing latte art and baking, the last thing you were expecting was to open up your very own coffee shop under BTS Corp, Korea’s biggest entertainment service company for idols, models, singers, and more. Thanks to your hard work, creativity, and approachable personality you managed to become friendly with some pretty big named individuals as well as up and coming talent. As exciting and fun as it was for you, you slowly began to realize how much your 7 bosses weren’t particularly fond of this, acts of jealousy, pettiness, and aggression poking through in the most unsuspecting of ways. But what could 7 big named dragons want with a little foreign bunny?

Combined Beings by @numinousher

You are bullied on a constant because korea’s beauty standards do not fit girls on the heavier side. the bullying gets worse once a ceo is attracted to you and he mentioned you to the other 6.

🗯️ minus the bullying elements, this story is like a comforting sweet cloud

Comfort by http-lostforever

Hybrids have been introduced into society for a handful of years now, the fighting for their rights is still happening but doesn't look promising. But when one girl finds a hybrid in danger she jumps at the chance to help, yet what she didn't know was how upside down her life was about to become. But a word of advice, not everything is as it seems.

Could We Be Together Someday? series by BTS_Mommy / @babyboy-bangtan

🗯️ mann Idk what to write lol. this is another one that I've re-read thousand times, bcs some of the boys started as fanboys then became clingy friends. also yn's so supportive I just lovee.

❶ By Chance

A misunderstanding gone viral puts you on BTS's radar, which leads to a series of events that finally culminate with you meeting them for the first time.

❷ The Moments in Between

As you become close friends with BTS, you begin to realize that the feelings you have for them are slowly turning into something you're not ready to deal with. Unbeknownst to you, the same is happening to them.

Crave by sweetinsanityy

The boys don't do well with being controlled, but for their group, they'll bite their tongue and put on a smile for management. Yet when you, a new little rookie, stumble upon them, they're like a pack of hungry wolves. Or, the boys are all Doms and they want you to be their perfect little sub.

Cursed Fate by PurpleQueenie

The universe has designed soulmates- someone that completes you. But what happens when you don't have one but seven? And all you want to do is run in the opposite direction when you see them...

🗯️ queenie's stories are just so good, you should check them all out! this one also has such great details and writing.

Deep Down by sleepingbearandbunny

Jae, unlike everyone else, has nothing against the hybrid species. She likes being alone, where she is safe from ridicule and her controlling father. When a group of hybrids save her from some trouble, fate brings them together once more.

🗯️ a harsh and complecated world this one, so they went through a lot together and I love that!

PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4 | NAVI

[literary-motif]

All The Loose Ends

Isaac Rhoades x Reader

Isaac is overworked and exhausted. You make it better.

The smoke curling up from the end of his cigarette looked eerily white in the moonlight. It seemed almost like a ghost, Isaac mused, tilting his head and letting his gaze wander over the slightly more unkempt part of the garden where the people he loved most lay buried. He tasted ash in his mouth, only in part caused by indulging in the habit he had meant to swear off long ago.

In truth, Isaac was so overwhelmingly exhausted that he could not muster the energy to get himself to care about it — about his health (not that he had ever particularly been concerned for it), about the smoke only partly making its way out of the opened kitchen window, about the headache torturing him for the better part of the week, about the feeling of suffocation rising in his chest when he thought about his work or as much as took a glance at his desk; even the person sleeping soundly a storey above him was nothing more than an afterthought now, another ghost to him. They would leave soon enough.

The thought made his heart seize painfully. Pickle — recalling the nickname brought a small smile to his tired face — was an inexhaustible source of life. They were a fresh breath of air, a reminder to cherish the time he had left instead of just going through the motions each day. They made him strive for more. They made him want to change. They made him want to live and break out of the void existence he had carved out for himself, and into which he had dragged them selfishly.

Isaac took another drag of his cigarette, narrowing his eyes to faintly make out his mother’s favorite flowers growing peacefully beside her grave; but alas, abandoning his grandfather’s legacy was impossible. 

“Can’t sleep?” 

The question made him choke on his exhale. Coughing, he turned to glance at you with furrowed brows.

“You should try, honestly,” you say, stepping up beside him and taking the low-burning cigarette from his fingers. “You remind me of a raccoon,” you add, contemplating only a moment before putting the cigarette out in the soil of one of the succulents placed carefully on the countertop under the window. The moonlight allowed you to see the ash discarded in the sink as you glance down and you throw a displeased look at Isaac.

The night was not dark enough to hide his blush. “A raccoon? How so?” he asked, clearing his throat, the strong and decisive voice you had grown used to uncharacteristically morphed into a tired rasp. “Is it my nocturnal activity?”

You chuckled, looking up at the moon. “I was thinking more about the bags under your eyes.” They had gotten more and more prominent in the preceding weeks and you were starting to worry. 

It was an open secret that Isaac did not settle down easily. You could hear him pacing in the middle of the night sometimes or saw the light streaming into the entrance hall from under the closed door of his study at some ungodly hour when your own troubled thoughts would not let you sleep. “What’s keeping you awake tonight?” you asked in a light tone as you closed the window, hoping it masked your worry.

A beat of silence passed between the two of you, as could have been expected. Isaac did not open up easily and it was a shot in the dark hoping he would answer your question truthfully, if at all. You grimaced, fearing you had overstepped. To break the tension rising steadily with the moments of quiet, you were about to change the subject and point out what you assumed was the constellation Orion in the night sky. The deep, heavy sigh escaping Isaac made you pause. 

You turned your head to look at him. It was almost unheard of that Isaac let his carefully constructed mask of stoic nonchalance slip, even for a moment. He was usually so desperate to keep control of both the world around him and himself, it was painful to watch him hold onto it sometimes and brush away sentimentality as if it was a weakness he could not dare to afford. 

The sigh was an admission of defeat. It was the tangible proof, along with the ash in the sink and the way his head was bowed, that Isaac had reached the end of his seemingly inexhaustible rope. 

“Just life,” he said quietly in response, squeezing his eyes shut and pressing the heel of his hand against his forehead. The headache had not subsided, and his usual self-destructive remedy of downing a few sleeping pills with a glass of whiskey seemed out of the question now that you were here. 

Isaac’s exhaustion made his head swim. It was hard to say when he had last taken a break when the past weeks blended into one long string of cases and files and meetings and work, work, work. There had never been much of a life for him outside of it, and while working gave his pitiful existence purpose, sometimes it wrung him dry.

The light touch of your hand on his arm made him startle. His eyes flew open and he turned, wincing at the sharp stab of pain it gave his head. Your eyes were fixed on him as if trying to solve a puzzle and Isaac quickly thought up a snide comment about your evident predisposition for a private eye, but it died on his tongue when he noticed the glass of water you were holding out for him to take. 

You smiled faintly at him when he took a few tentative sips of the cool water. “I have fought my fair share of battles with headaches. If there is anything I can do, let me know,” you spoke softly, “Regardless, might I propose getting some rest? Sleep is the most effective natural remedy for them, I have found.”

“I am fine,” Isaac answered weakly. It sounded unconvincing even to his own ears. You hummed, clearly not believing his lie. Perhaps you truly would make a good private investigator. 

“Let me—” you began hesitatingly, “Ah, that is to say, I would like to try something, if I may?” 

“What is it, Pickle?” Isaac asked, sighing again. There was no reason to hold onto pretense now and he was entirely too exhausted to care for it. His mask would be back in place by morning. 

You moved to stand behind him, placing your hands on his tense shoulders. Isaac stiffened immediately, his posture straightening into the usual way he carried himself, always on high alert. He did not move, either to brush your hands off of him or to step away from your touch. You took it as a small encouragement to continue.

“Relax,” you soothed, starting to massage small circles in the place between his shoulder blades with your thumbs. You heard Isaac inhale shakily, but he stayed still, letting you work. Gradually, he started to ease into the touch. 

“You’re—” Isaac rasped dreamily, clearing his throat a moment later for propriety’s sake, “You’re quite good at this.” His voice was nothing more than a whisper, his eyes falling shut of their own accord to drift in the feeling of being touched — kindly and without an underlying agenda to exploit him.

Smiling quietly to yourself at how a few simple touches made Isaac pliable in your hands, you merely hummed in answer. “The tension you carry right here” — you said, moving your fingers to work on the muscles of his lower neck, earning a soft sigh from Isaac — “is responsible for your headache, as far as I can tell. If I had to guess, it comes from sitting at your desk, hunched over casefiles for the better part of the month. Perhaps you could stop overworking and spare yourself this pain? True, now I can—” ease it. Help you. Make sure you’re alright. Take care of you. 

You cut yourself off before revealing too much, your hands still working on Isaac’s shoulders and neck. They were becoming less and less tense under your gentle ministrations. 

When Isaac opened his eyes again, to his horror, his vision was blurry with tears. He wiped at them discreetly. “Thank you,” he said, hoping you chose to ignore how strained his voice sounded. “I have never, I think— Well, it’s been a while since someone,” he hesitated, unsure of how to continue, “did this for me.”

“Anytime, really,” you said, dropping your hands from his shoulders and allowing him to turn and face you. “Although I meant what I said: I would appreciate it if you toned down on burning the candle at both ends, Isaac.” 

Slowly, giving you sufficient time to draw back, he leaned into you, placing his arms around you in a tight embrace. You exhaled, surprised, but wrung your arms around him in return, treading your fingers through the hair at the base of his head. Isaac shivered, holding you tighter. “Thank you,” he said again, voice rough from the lump in his throat, “and I will, I promise.”

[secret-smut-sideblog]

The Swan

Lavellan x Blackwall

18+ reconciliation, rough sex, dom/sub, bodice ripping, fingering (f!), oral (f!), body worship, cultural grief, depictions of a seizure, hurt/comfort

Following the anger Vella had burned into him, and her silent forgiveness, Blackwall seeks her out to ask for something shaped like atonement. And to maybe, selfishly, hope for something more...

Masterlist, Prev Chapter

-

The most beautiful thing sat on his workbench.

A small braided lock of her golden hair, woven with sweet grasses. An elegantly scribed note sat beneath it. Only one line on the thin page.

I'm sorry.

Blackwall's hand hovered over the beautiful gift. Unfit to even touch it.

She had explained the significance of hair for her clan. The length of it precious to her. A cultural touchstone she still felt she could hold.

He finally slid it into his cupped palm, holding it like a delicate fledgling bird.

He couldn't articulate the emotion that this overwhelmed inside him. Staring down at how the rising sun caught glow in her hair. Heart bursting with ache. He had rarely been given gifts and had never received one like this.

He didn't know where to put this feeling. Where to keep it.

Then it struck him. It was simple.

He stood, still cupping the precious bundle. Bringing it to his nose as he walked, sighing deep into the sweet smell. Carefully laying it inside a leather pouch that he strung sinew through.

Lifting the pendant of her, he closed his eyes. Poised to adorn himself in it. Flooded with the most profound undertaking he had ever been given, more powerful than a knighting. A ceremony he silently held in the chill of early morning.

He slipped it over his head, taking full deep breaths.

He pressed a palm over the pouch. As close to his heart as the world would allow.

"Tell me a dream."

Solas smiled at her, turning in his seat. That gentle adoration in his eyes that was hard kept from her.

"You are eager to hear my travels." His voice low, already poised to begin a tale despite the gentle tease.

She only smiled, leaning her head against the curve of the lounging couch. Staring at him with those terribly beautiful eyes, now inset with the thinnest ring of silver. Wide and sweet in their seeking.

Solas sighed as if being greatly put upon. But Blackwall knew he was aching to share with her.

She had this way of pulling the essence from people. Pulling along their heart to unravel their troubles at her feet. All of them spilled over her, whether those she held close to her or strangers she encountered. Tilting her head as they spoke, truly hearing them. Seeking to understand. Asking beyond what the common person would.

In her court, every decision was made with care. Weighing each side in her palms.

Few would fight her, seeing the thought poured into it. Despite every factor working against her, she was an inspiration. A kind and just leader.

She stared at Solas now with that soft rapture. Eyes just slightly wide, lips fallen into the sliver of a part. Truly listening. A rare skill.

Solas leaned into her, speaking in hush. Meeting her in the quiet reverence fully. Weaving his tale with deliberate fingers. Sitting in a pocket of the world.

He thought Solas might be infatuated with her and couldn't find no blame in it. So often, people just wanted to be heard. And the way she saught made the heart reach for her.

She was so deeply adored, and yet, felt none of it. It rubbed him raw that she felt outside of the love that surrounded her. Always poised to leave. Waiting for the other shoe to drop.

He couldn't understand how she could devote herself so deeply to their people, to their cause, and feel like something ready to be discarded. Not even putting up a fight, like cutting her away was the world righting itself. To weave herself so deeply with a knife poised over her thread. Ready to cut as soon as they were done with her.

How could someone so loved be unloved within it?

She had spoken little about her father. Her eyes swam in sorrow when the conversation circled on him, so he didn't push it. But he suspected that was the source of her isolation.

He didn't know how to fill the empty well of love in her. He knew, realistically, that he couldn't wholly do that himself. But fuck if he didn't want to try.

Except...

The torture of his deceit was reaching a boiling point. It was torment to keep himself from her. From those wide seeking eyes, eager to drink the story of him. To know him. He was constantly on the edge of spilling himself at her feet. Cutting open his belly and falling to knees to pray for forgiveness. Nothing could forgive him for deceiving her, but he couldn't bring himself to shatter the illusion yet. Not while she still saw light in him.

He could still stand with her, if only for a few precious moments. He could try to atone for attempting to drive her away.

When others pushed her away, she fell back almost gratefully. When he pushed her away, she came back with righteous anger. Burned into him, demanding a resolution. For him to sever her fully. Why was he different?

"My lady, a word?"

Her eyes lifted to his. Solas' following in a start, so engrossed in her that he hadn't felt him there.

"Of course." Her tone soft in its casual.

She hushed something in Elvish and Solas responded in kind. Her hand cupped his cheek, smiling at him in that radiant softness, rising to feet. Solas' hand raised to cup over hers as she pulled away but left it hovering. Eyes following her.

Blackwall watched him with a knowing empathy. Turning his back as she drew forward to spare him his gaze. The graceful glide of her step pulled him into a stride.

Uttering that spell, that incantation, as they walked that had made many fall to their knees.

"Speak to me."

He paused, gathering himself. She waited easily. Leading him up a trail of stone to a favorite hiding place.

The small bedroom over the Herald's Rest, still wild with vine and crumbled stone. The inn below muffled, quiet in spilled light and deep green.

He adored this little piece of solitude she had found. Often sneaking up in the night himself to visit it alone. To sit amongst her things gathered in a corner. Sometimes he stumbled upon her sleeping in the abandoned bed.

He could tell she felt alien in her designated chambers, only going in at night for the sake of propriety. Catching her climbing out of the balcony as the moon rose, already found the footholds. Smiling up at a wild beauty from a seat in the stables, scaling down a castle wall.

Though, she wasn't always alone in this serene place. Their newest companion, the strange boy between worlds, sat with her here sometimes.

Cole set his teeth on edge. He couldn't pin him down, and that made him dangerous. It made him even more nervous to have this unknown near her. But he couldn't deny their connection.

It was like they had known each other for a long time. While the boys vague ramblings made Blackwall bristle, Vella responded to them like they held obvious meaning. That she understood implicitly, gently nodding. Not even startled when the boy would appear behind her, smiling like she expected him.

Though, he had mused that she was part spirit before. Maybe that held more truth than he had anticipated. Something in her saw clear in him. It all made him wary, but he couldn't bear encouraging her to separate from this connection. So he reserved to watch over it.

"I hope they never fix this part." She sighed, trailing her fingertips along the vines. "I don't know how people can live in stone places like this. It's so..."

"Cold?" He offered.

She turned, pointing at him.

"Yes! It's cold, there's no life. I guess it's safer, but nothing breathes in it. The forest is all breath. You can feel it all around you. Breathing with you."

He lost himself in her words again. Fully agreeing. The forest was one of the few places he felt home in.

"When this is over, I want to go back. I want to go to the Emerald Graves. Have you been?" She offered.

He waved his hand in a so-so gesture.

"Oh," She rose her hands to cup over her chest. Eyes bright with memory. "It's so... its a mournful place, but Gods, I can't even describe it!"

Maker, he loved her.

"Give it a try." He chuckled, leaning against a large stone. Eager to have her talk like this all night.

She smiled wide at him.

"You're distracting me."

"Is it working?"

"You know it is." She laughed. The sound filling the air holy. "We still need to talk though."

"So soon?" He teased, drawing forward. The desire to kiss her all consuming.

"Maybe not for a bit." She sighed, staring up at him.

"I missed you." He hushed, cupping her face. The petal of her cheek warm under the rough of his palm.

She leaned into his touch. Closing her eyes gently.

His breath drew from him as he kissed her. The ache in his heart sang. He had never felt a love so deep. She flowed through his body as a great river. He bathed in her water.

"I missed you." She echoed as he finally pulled away. "I'm sorry I spoke to you like that. I'm just... I want you. If you dont want me, I'd rather know that."

He shook his head, rubbing her cheek with his thumb. Her hand woven around his wrist an anchor in his storm.

"No, your anger was good. It was justified. I want you terribly. Don't hold back for me, I want it all."

"But you're holding back." She offered softly, eyes searching his.

He froze, but she didn't. Not pulling away, her hand steady on his chest.

"Whatever it is, I'll meet you there when you're ready. I want to know you. But this..."

She held his palm up, turning it against hers.

"This is good." Her pupils wide with love for him.

He gathered her to him in an urgent kiss. Tears threatened behind his tightly shut eyes.

He wanted to promise the world to her. Anything. He would do anything. But he couldn't, and it was eating him alive. Suffocated and immobile in his own web. Maker, how was he going to tell her?

"Thank you." He breathed against her lips.

"No problem."

He pinched her hip, and she giggled against his mouth.

"So... are you my boooyfriend?"

He groaned. Pulling back from her with a shake of his head.

"No? Oh man, I was so hoping..." She laughed, pushing forward into his jest.

"Boyfriend... what are we? Twelve?"

"You're right. Boytoy has a more dignified ring to it."

"Maker..." He sighed. She paced in mock thought.

"Oh! I've got it. You're my sweet thing. My baby."

"We're breaking up."

"Oh man! I hope we get back together."

"Come here." He laughed, tilting her chin up to his in his fingers. Kissing her deep. Drinking from her river.

She drew back breathless. Eyes blown.

"I adore you, you menace. Will you walk with me or not?"

"Hmm, I'll consider it."

"You'll consider it." He tickled into her sides. She shrieked in laughter, trying to wiggle away.

"Yes! Yes! Now unhand me, you brute!" She laughed.

"Oh brute, is it?" He growled, hoisting her by the waist over his shoulder. "Better play the part."

He carried her outside, her feet kicking happily next to him as she protested on his back.

"Guards! Seize him!"

Catching Varric's gaze, his eyes already creased in laughter.

"Varric! I'm being apprehended! Get him!"

"Oh no, Sunshine!" He called. "I'm too far away! I can't help!"

Her contained laugh shook against his shoulder.

"Oh, are the odd couple finally made up?"

"Dorian! My confidante, my bosom brother! You must help!"

"Mm, I'm sure you're fine. Have fun with your capture!"

She huffed, poising her chin into her hand on the curve of his back.

"Are you done?" He laughed.

"Never!"

She wriggled off of his shoulder and took off running, laughing like a mad woman.

"You're going to scare the locals!" He called, chasing after her.

"Not if you can catch me!" She shouted over her shoulder. Many bemused faces watching her run.

-

He had snuck into her chamber early in the night, waiting in shadow.

It had been only a handful of weeks since their joining, but it had unleashed a storm of desire. Pulling each other into alcoves and corners to spill ravenous over each other.

When she finally entered, looking weary and so hauntingly beautiful, he rushed her.

It was an addiction, pulling sweet sounds from her. Feeling her body tremor and writhe around him. He had become insatiable.

It shocked him how much he craved this kind of dominance. Shoving her against the wall. Pressing her hard against the stone as she gasped. Her hands braced next to her head, already arching her wide hips into him. The curve of her ass so full and firm.

"Do you know what you do to me?" He accused, yanking her beautifully tailored court dress over her shoulders. Inlaid with gold filigree and deep indigo flowers, a soft cream garment that fell from her in slick waves.

It had been Leilana's idea. To fill oppresive decor in the great hall where she held court and judgment, great towering statues of figures holding spears, fire pits burning along the walk to the throne. The atmosphere heavy with power.

Then Vella would flow into the room, dress trailing behind her. The molten gold of her hair braided loosely down her back. So shockingly beautiful, juxtaposed to the heavy decor. Planting newcomers firmly on the back foot. Perceiving her even more mysterious on bad days when she would don a black silk blindfold.

It was genius subterfuge, using her otherworldly beauty and hidden condition to their advantage. But it had become an endless source of torment for him.

He had elected to become the head of her guard when she held court. Something that swelled his chest with purpose and pride, but meant he had to escort her in these silky garments. The sway of her hips and the full of her thighs teasing under the shifting fall of fabric. The perk of her small breasts beckoning under the low fold of fabric.

And, of course, she would tease him. The gentlest graze of her ass against his hips as she bent to Josephine's writing board. Trailing her fingers lightly up his forearm when he would assist her from the podium where the throne stood.

By the end of the day he would be rabid with desire, cornering her in empty halls. Hissing in her ear, fondling her breast, pulling her hair in a firm fist.

It was making him insane to not take her, to not bury himself to the hilt in her velvet sex. But he couldn't bring himself to indulge in that kind of pleasure. Not with deceit rotting in him.

But her pleasure was holy. It was his most profound call to unravel her over and over. To see her moaning and twitching, her arousal pooling in his palm, in his mouth. He couldn't stop. He would beg for it if she denied him. He would sit on knees and kiss the perfect curve of her stomach, running his calloused hands up the lambs ear of her thighs. Pleading for her to allow him to taste her.

"Striding around in these fucking dresses." He smeared kisses in the rolling muscle of her shoulders. Just the sight of her pulling her bow enough to send him dazed.

"Knowing this is underneath." He grasped a handful of her ass. Groaning at the taut but giving flesh. Kneading it in his palm. Her gasps and whines wrapping around his head. Yanking the dress down her hips to fall in a silk pool at her feet.

"Maker, preserve me..." He moaned, beholding her. Wearing nothing but a lacy little thing that sat high on her hips. A deep red that danced against the gold of her skin. "You look like a fucking painting."

"I have so much to do, Blackwall." She protested in a moan as he rubbed her cunt over her panties.

"I don't care." He growled, pinching her nipple between his fingers. The soft yelp he earned twitching his hard cock.

"Spread your legs." He commanded.

She slid them out. Panting against the wall.

"So beautiful..." He sighed. Kissing along her swan neck. Her golden hair fallen curtain over her shoulder. "I can't believe I get to see you like this. To touch you like this."

He slipped her panties off with the curve of his finger, fallen to her ankles. Rubbing his knuckles along the soft gold curls to the soak of her slit. Her whine pulling another throb from him.

"You talk too much." She smiled over her shoulder at him.

He took her hair in his fist, pulling her head back in an arch. A moan rose from her.

"You want it like that?" He growled.

She nodded, biting her lip.

He plunged two fingers inside her. Her body already tight around him. Thrusting in curved pulses.

"Oh, Gods." She mewled. Staring back at him with glazed eyes. "It's so good."

"Yeah?" He growled, his fingers plunging in faster and faster strikes. The velvet slick of her squeezing his digits. The squelching of it so salacious it made him dizzy.

She nodded, lost in her pleasure. Rocking against the wall with the power he drove through his arm. Dazed and emitting the softest cries.

"Harder, please." She moaned, the edge of a whine on her words.

He snapped. Grasping her by the hips to turn her to face him. Leaning down to lap fervently at her nipple, the other pinched and rolled in his free hand. The fingers inside her striking up with the force of his shoulder.

She cried out, head thrown back. Body shuddering hard, the muscles in her belly clenching and twitching. Thighs shaking so hard they may well give out.

He was near his edge, almost cumming in his trousers. Panting into her breast around the slurp of his tongue. Her arousal running down his wrist. Delirious with lust.

Her hands wound into his hair, pulling in her fist. He groaned loudly, his orgasm raw in him. Desperate for release.

"I'm- ah!" She cried. The tight clenches around his fingers telling already.

She pulled his hair down, forcing him between her legs. He followed gladly, gripping her hip as he lapped vigorously around his fingers. Drinking the cum that poured into his palm. Her cries of ecstasy muffled behind her hand. Body in the tight throes of release.

He only had a moment to get his cock from his trousers before he was cumming in hard strikes. Moaning rough into her. Her pleasure transcending into his. Spilling from him in clenching strikes. Eyes lost under hazy lids, still urging her release from her in flat pulls of his tongue. Gripping her hips in both hands.

She rode out her aftershock above him. The little clenches of her belly and shake of her thighs his favorite sight. Her hand gently trailing through his hair.

"Gods, you're incredible at that." She gasped, smiling down at him. Her wide blown pupils and flushed cheeks unbearably beautiful. A sight only for him.

He rose to meet her plush lips in a deep kiss. Dizzy with love for her.

"I would do that for hours, if you'd let me." He murmured through their lips.

"Hm, so devoted." She nuzzled against his beard, eyes glittering with mischief.

He scooped under her thighs and back and reveled in the little surprised squeak she emitted. Carrying her up to her wide bed.

"Deeply." He sighed. Kissing along her neck, leaning down over her as he slid into the bed next to her.

"Sweet talker." She sighed, arching her head back. His fingers drug light down the curve of her breast, the soft of her belly, the ridge of her hipbone.

"How can you look so..." He wished he had more words. Was more eloquent. Had a wider vocabulary.

A thought struck him.

"I want to speak with you. Could you teach me?"

"Teach you what, baby?" She smiled, pleasantly lost to his train of thought.

He nearly puddled at the pet name but steeled his resolve. Laying parallel next to her.

"Your language. Could you teach me Elvish?"

She rose on elbows, sitting up. He followed, suddenly terrified that he had offended somehow. He was always clumsy to the nuance of other cultures.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"No, no." She assured quickly, her eyes fell from his. "It's just... I'm a hunter, not a hahren."

She must have seen the confusion in his eyes. Smiling gently.

"A hahren is... it's an elder, a teacher. But it's more than that. They keep our history and tell it so we may live it again. It's a sacred role."

"The keeper is our leader, but the hahren is our soul." She waved her hands as she spoke.

"I'm not making any sense." She sighed. "You should ask Solas."

"Absolutely not. And you're making sense, I promise."

She bit her lip. Uncertain.

"I can try." She sighed.

"You know," She smiled at him in that vulnerable way that made his heart ache. "You've always reminded me of an emerald knight."

She repeated the name in Elvish, and he repeated it back to her clumsily. Repeated until he got a loose grasp on it.

"What's an emerald knight?"

So she told him. Of the great warriors that stood the line of the chantry's invasion. Of promises broken and land razed. Of long painful journeys and those lost on the way.

But also of hope. Stories of impossible victories and song ringing through the air. Of her bloodline, touched by gods, leading them forward. Of promises shattered but new purpose found within their shards.

It made his heart ache with wonder and disgust at his own teachings. The lies that the chantry spread. Denouncing her people as nothing but lost angry children. Doomed to wallow in their own history.

The rich tapestry she wove was laughable in the face of the lies he had been told. Her ancestry was fierce and cunning. Resilient in a way he could barely fathom.

"When I was born golden, my people saw me as a spirit of hanal'ghinan, a golden halla that led our people to safety. And they were right in a way. I saw beyond my eyes. I kept us safe where my father couldn't."

Her head hung, hands low in her lap.

"But when I came back wrong and late with shemlen tongue, I was to become what I had been since I was lost. Len'alas lath'din. An empty child. Unwanted."

"You did so much. You remember so much." He urged. Drawing forward on knees. "You're more than what your clan couldn't see."

She smiled sadly at him. "I know. I'm trying to separate my hellathen from my kin. It's hard, though. To unravel my vhen from my exile. To trust that I'm of the vhen'alas. Of the spirit of the earth."

"Do you mind if I write this down?" He offered sheepishly. Feeling the words start to lose meaning.

"Very non-traditional." She teased. Handing him a small notebook. "I like it."

So he wrote her language, her history. Reassured to have it to look back on. To know it.

"We should pause. It's getting late." She sighed, eyes heavy but still soft.

He nearly asked for her to continue, but felt the weight of his own eyes. Nodding.

Her body went very still.

"Oh... okay." Her tone shaken but determined.

"What's wrong?" He urged, already standing on knees.

She laid back as she spoke, putting her hands relaxed over her belly. Eyes already filled with a haunting silver glow.

"I'm about to have a seizing fit. Don't panic. Don't put anything in my mouth. It'll be over soon."

"What should I do?" He tried to keep the panic from his voice.

"Just wait, it looks worse than it is. I'm sorry."

She took slow deep breaths, then went rigid. Her arms pulled tight against her chest, breath caught in a hiss. Her legs extended out, heels digging into the sheets. Head craned back, neck extended in a stiff arch. Seized up in a tight bridge.

He rubbed along her hands, her hard stomach. Kissing her teeth gritted jaw. Trying to channel his terror into soft care. To bring her back. To return her eyes from the top of her skull.

Just as her lips started to go blue, and he was about to call for a healer, it released. Her body fallen slack again. Gasping with returned breath. Looking around limp and lost.

"Hey." He murmured, sliding under her body. Cradling her inside him. "There you are."

"What...?" She blinked, leaning into him.

"You had a seizing fit." He assured against her hair. Pulling it gently from her temple. Rubbing a warm circle into her chest.

"Oh..." Her eyes filled with silver tears. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not. I'm glad I was here."

She nuzzled into his chest. Curling her legs up in a ball.

"Can you just hold me?" She whispered.

"I will hold you until you will no longer have me."

Her fingers tangled into his tunic. Crying softly into his chest.

He held strong around her, leaving small kisses in the crown of her head. Heart aching but steady. Aching for the times she rode this out alone. Awaking scared and lost, piecing together the moments before.

He wanted to ask how often this had been happening and how he could help. But she was trembling in his arms and he couldn't bring himself to ask of her further. He thought he might know, anyway. The familiarity she showed before it struck all too telling.

For now, he would hold her. A sacred duty. The guardian of the most profound and powerful woman. Unbreakable but shaken. Resiliency that could crack the earth.

"Sleep. I'm right here, okay?" He hushed between kisses.

She nodded. Curling her head into his chest. The fabric of his tunic damp.

He closed his eyes, cupping around her back.

"Vhenan..." She murmured.

"I don't know that one." He teased in a whisper. But she was already evened out in the tide of sleep.

"Vhenan." He echoed.

Not baby. But he liked the sound of it.

~

Next Chapter

[the-ellia-west]

hio

am bored and procrastinating a bunch of stuff so i decided to drop this random excerpt from one of my wips into your inbox for no reason at all hope you don't mind btw

ps: if u do just ignore this cya~

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

"...the sky isn't looking its best right now…" as if mirroring my thoughts, shifting my eyes again, they gazed at you.

"...." my words aren't forming anymore, my thoughts aren't churning anymore.

All I can feel is this emptiness around me, chilling and unforgiving 

My eyes alone are what's keeping me from faltering,

Lost in my own mind I kept Gazing at you.

"...you always hated bad weather, didn't you?"  Not that you remember anyway,

"...although if you asked me there's nothing bad about rain or storms,"  despite their darkness they are still beautiful  in my eyes.

"..maybe sometimes misfortune happens through them, but that doesn't mean it's fully theirs to blame,"

It's nobody's fault really, accidents happen all the time, people constantly make mistakes.

They won't  be human if they don't.

They trip and fall, they forget and miss up, they bumble their way in life until they die.

it always has been this way, from aeons past till this day.

People never stopped bumbling their way, whether it's through their life, their work, their hobbies 

Or their relationships, people keep going on with their day bumbling here and there 

Falling down and getting back up, forgetting and remembering, people are just humans after all 

They keep trying throughout all of their bumbling, 

Hoping for a change someday.

Like me finally getting my feet here after all these years!

Yay I guess?

Every time I tried to convince myself to come here I failed, every time my feelings overwhelmed my resolve.

Just thinking of you had me breaking apart, tearing up, screaming and crying…it was all far too painful to bear…so i selfishly ran away, 

"....i missed you, you know…i..these years…without you..they," bumbling my words, I stopped  to try and speak coherently.

Once again I searched for my words carefully and awkwardly.

"...those passing years have been crazy…those years of my life were so long yet so short," 

As if having a mind of its own, my mouth started  talking, pouring my deepest thoughts to the world,

"Everything went by so quickly, so vaguely,...moments I thought would last forever turned into unclear images and memories," 

Somewhere in myself started to hurt,

I don't understand what hurts so much.

"..things I thought would last forever ended far sooner than I was ready for….things I took for granted, people who were always a part of my life, simply vanished,"

I…don't want to understand those tears

"....those years without you had been hard, they were painful and tiresome and ..and…confusing," 

Blurred with tears my eyes can't see you anymore, 

"I…kept going," 

As if you will reply, I reported my small achievements to you.

" I didn't lose to the pain,"

Except when it came to visiting you,

" I didn't  forget you, if you are wondering by the way haha," 

As if I would be able to! you idiot, 

"...I'm slowly getting back on my feet," 

…I'm sorry

“....”

"..it's still painful and sad sometimes…but I'm getting there,"

As slowly as I can, carefully and timidly,

I'm getting there

"...thank you for being a part of my life" closing my blurry eyes I finally said those words.

As if a burden had been lifted off my chest I breathed in relief.

Finally opening my eyes, I looked towards you once again.

"…sorry for taking so long to come and see you,"  

I couldn't bring myself to do it, no matter how many times I tried, I couldn't come here.

Wow...

Idk what to say,

Just... wow...

It's poetic, the dialogue is beautifully written, and it's honestly a little bit chilling.

The ending

MAKES

ME

WANT

MORE

[trashlie]

Small addition: You're right about Yui needing Nol to keep Kousuke and Rand in check, but she could easily use Nol studying abroad to her advantage re: Kousuke and ignite his paranoia. 🥸 "The kid is studying in the UK/US, he's catching up to you, get it together you need to hurry!" "Your father helped him get into that college, he is on your brothers side, not yours, I'm the only one you can trust!" "After that fight between you two, the kid is going to want revenge, you should be worried!" And so on. I just doubt Yui would suddenly let Nol go abroad just like that. Not if she can make a deal with someone (Rand, most likely) and get something out of this simply because she can. Gotta seize the opportunity 🙌🏾 Or I could be completely wrong. -lil anon (who is really looking forward to your Rand post ) 😼

!!!!!!!!! OHHHH that's a good point! I wasn't even thinking of that at all because I like to hope that after.... everything.... that has transpired Kousuke will be able to get some distance from Yui but we know she is nothing if not determined huh ;________; and even if it didn't work on him that way anymore, it wouldn't be above her to try to use it to her advantage like that, to try to stoke those flames ;A; but I do agree that she is not one to just.... let things happen. It could very much be a combination of things, too. Yui was getting pretty desperate, acting sloppy. If she can get ANYTHING out of this situation, she's going to try or her name isn't Yui Hirahara, right?

But also I feel you lmaooooo I won't be surprised if we ARE wrong because there's a reason quimchee is writing this and NOT ME lmao. I love to predict things but mostly only in the "I will never get close enough to what will really happen" but I can't help it! I love to think about the many ways things could play out, the many ways Yui can wield her reign of terror against people lmao ;______; (Yui PLS leave them BE i'm TIRED ;A; we're tired!!!!!!!!)

Also MAN I hope my Rand post lived up to expectations! It is SO long but aljkafjfak I just have FEELINGS I have so many feelings about almost everyone in ILY at this point lmao EVERYONE IS OUT HERE TREADING WATER trying so hard to survive and it's so hard to save anyone else when you can barely keep your head afloat, right? ;AAA;

But man I will keep thinking about Rand "sacrificing" himself for Nol and what that might look like, and all the things that Nol may never know or understand about his father ;______; That's part of why I selfishly don't want Rand to die. I want Nol (and Kousuke!!!) to both get the chance to see how much Rand loves them, and what it cost him to love him this way ;_____; If I think too long about Rand showing up to Kousuke frozen and Nol bleeding out in the snow and how i imagine his "MY SON" sounded I WILL start sobbing LMAO WHY DOES ILY DO THIS TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE why does it fill me with so many FEEEELIIIINGGSSSSSS ;A;

aaahhhh quimchee u owe me ;A; lmao

[prophecyinpink]

You know, if there was ever the tiniest part of my life that I had some kind of pride in, it was my ability to endure.

Whatever shit life threw at me I'd be able to get through it. It would suck, it would hurt, but given enough time the problem would be solved and I'd go on to endure the next truckload of garbage the universe threw at me. Because that's how I survived. Keep your head down. Take care of it yourself. Nobody will do it for you. If you can't do it now, you hold out until you can. Either that or you get used to it. At some point the pain will fade into the background and you won't even notice it's there. A never ending cycle of pain and misery.

But then something amazing happened. Love. I know it's cliché and maybe you're rolling your eyes, I know if I read this a year ago I would have, but it's true. I found love. And for the first time in over a decade I'm genuinely happy. And on some small level that scares me. Because I have no idea how to deal with this. The only survival mechanism I have is endurance. Wait it out and hope it gets better. But that doesn't work here. It is finally good and I don't wanna sit here and wait for it to get worse. I feel like I need to do something. To desperately cling on and hold onto everything I hold dear. But is that the right thing to do? We're not talking about a shiny rock here, we're talking about a person. A real flesh and blood human with thoughts and feelings and aspirations. What if the weight of me clinging onto them drags them down or prevents them from reaching their goals? To hurt the one I hold dear the most by selfishly hanging on? The thought alone hurts. Pain beyond imagination. So I retreat. Take a step back. Go back to the old ways.

Enjoy what is given to you, but don't even think about asking for anything. Because you can endure it. And using valuable resources on your foolish request when they could be used for more important matters? That's just a pipe dream. Take the back seat. Pick up the scraps. Make do with what is left.

The voice in the back of my head drones on, and I can't help but listen. Because it has worked so far. I'm still alive after all. And still, I'm happier now than I have ever been.

And now we come to the next problem. I am happy. Happier than I've ever been. And the people around me are suffering. My friends are in pain and I want to help them, but I feel powerless. Why is it that I get to be happy while the people I care for are suffering? And the voice in the back of my head pipes up again. "Who are you, to take all the happiness for yourself? Don't you know that there are people suffering?"

I want everyone to be happy. And it's not like I haven't seen the people I care about suffer before. It's not like I haven't felt powerless before when I couldn't do anything to help. Why does it feel like the happier I get, the more my loved ones suffer? Is it my fault? Am I somehow responsible for stealing their happiness? Is this just the way it is? Is it completely unrelated and I'm deluding myself in some twisted kind of martyr complex?

People tell you that you deserve happiness, but that's kinda hard to accept when the moment you become happy everyone else seems to suffer so much worse.

[watchmegetobsessed]

Waiting for you - Harry Styles

❄️ FANFICmas 2020 ❄️

Read more about FANFICmas here!

i wrote it over like a month ago, but kept it for today, i hope yall will like it! it’s a cute bestfriends to lovers fic, so yeah... happy holidays, hope you are having an amazing time!

word count: 13k

masterlist

Harry Styles has been a household name around your home, but not for the reason many would think. While for the rest of the world he was the famous singer, former member of One Direction and recent solo artist, the guy who performs at the biggest arenas, wins awards and sings his heart out through the radio, for you and your mom he was the goofy, curly haired boy who lived across the street with his mum, sister and stepdad.

You still remember all too clear the first time you met him. You and your mum just moved into your new home after the nasty divorce of your parents, ready to start a new life. You’ve barely turned twelve, it was quite the awkward stage of your teenage years, you were still trying to find yourself on the rocky road of growing up. Moving to a whole new town and switching schools were terrifying and you had quite a few nightmares about possible outcomes of being the new girl in the neighborhood.

You and your mum just finished unpacking the dishes in the kitchen when the doorbell rang. She rushed to answer it and you wandered behind her, curiously peeking at the guests under her arm as she held the door open.

“Hi! We saw the trucks and thought we would say hi! I’m Anne and this is my son, Harry,” the nice woman greeted your mum and stepping aside she gestured towards the teenage boy standing next to her.

His green eyes fell to you almost immediately and you forgot to breathe for a moment. You were not the kind to crush that easily on guys, well, not until you laid your eyes on Harry. He smirked at you, nodding in your way in such an easy-going manner and you could feel the heat crawling up your neck to your cheeks and ears.

Anne and your mum quickly became good friends. She was the rock your mum definitely needed after such a bad year behind her and you were glad she found support in such a wonderful woman as Anne. Their newly funded friendship got stronger day by day until the two families just… simply felt one.

Growing up the Styles siblings and Anne came and go in your home as if they lived there too. On many occasions you came home from school only to find Anne in the kitchen while your mother wasn’t even home. Anne always knew when your mum was working the night shift at the hospital where she was a nurse and always made sure you had a warm dinner on those evenings, often inviting you over to just stay at theirs while your mum was away working. Birthdays, graduations, Easters and Christmases, they were all spent at either yours or at the Styles home, strengthening the bond between the two families.

You have always had a strong friendship with Gemma, but maybe because you were closer in age or for something else, but you became the closest with Harry. Two peas in a pod, as your mums liked to call the two of you. You weren’t just neighbors or good friends, it was clear to anyone and to both of you as well that you were the best of friends. You were there for each other at the best and worst of times, before and after Harry’s launch to stardom. You were there with him all along, sometimes physically, sometimes just through text messages and reassuring calls when he just needed a piece of his home away from home. Late night calls and talks were your usual when he was on the road and he made sure to only talk about his life after you’ve told him everything about yours, even if the most interesting thing was that you were able to buy three socks for the price of two. Harry listened and cared for everything that happened to you, not letting you think even for a moment that he would forget about his best friend when he is on the other side of the planet.

The two of you grew up together and while his life consisted of concerts, screaming fans, telly appearances and award shows, your mundane everydays went on the same was as any normal young girl’s: you graduated from high school, went to uni and then started a career for yourself. As time was moving it became a little more and more complicated to stay as close as you used to, though, both of you terribly busy with your own personal lives, so the calls, texts and meetings became less frequent, but you were always able to pick up from where you left, it was as easy with him as it could be.

Maybe that’s why you grew to love him in a more than friendly way through the years. Slowly, but surely you started to realize what an amazing man he really was –is. It was impossible not to fall for him, however you valued your close friendship more than to just ruin it with dropping a bomb on Harry. You always thought he doesn’t feel the same way, so you were sadly left with your daydreams and fantasies about him only your bedroom walls heard.

This year it’s gonna be the tenth Christmas you get to celebrate together, quite the anniversary. There were only two years when you didn’t see each other during the holidays, the first one because you and your mum spent it in Canada with some relatives that live there, and the second one was because Harry couldn’t come home a few years ago, having a too tight schedule. But this year, everyone made sure to make it back home in time. Harry called you three month before Christmas to check in if you are still gonna coming home.

“Would be an idiot not to. Can’t wait to stuff my head with cookies!” you chuckled.

“Have you found your sweater yet?” Harry questioned, the muffled noise of the traffic around him broke through the line as he was on his way home when he called.

“Not yet. But I’ve been looking. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna win this year,” you smirked in victory.

“Oh, not so fast with the assumptions, little girl!” he warned you making you laugh.

The two of you had a kind of tradition. Every year, you go on mission to find the ugliest Christmas sweaters one could find, and then perform a chosen song at the karaoke machine after dinner, entertaining the rest of the family. Those performances are the best memories you nurse. Your absolute favorite one was just a couple of years ago when Harry’s sweater was filled with weird looking reindeers in quite inappropriate poses, he even added a glittery pair of sunnies and he sang I Want To Break Free from the Queen. Everyone was on the floor laughing as he took the living room by storm as if it was the Maddison Square Garden filled with thousands of screaming fans, while it was just the five of you.

He won that year, Hell, even you voted on him, giving him the cleanest win of all times, but you swore to live up to that performance and you really feel like this year is gonna be your chance to live up to that promise. You have quite some tricks up your sleeves.

These past couple of years you were anxiously waiting for the holidays to roll around, because you knew you would get to spend so much time with Harry and through the year, even with several occasions of the two of you meeting, you missed him dearly. Sometimes you selfishly wished he would have just stayed the boy across the street so your lives could take tracks that run at least close to each other, but you always reminded yourself that his work was his life and you would have never taken away his true passion and happiness. Besides, you love watching him perform from time to time, that was just one of your favorite sides of him, see his eyes shine so bright as he sang to his fans. You used to envy the fangirls, it always seemed like he had a special connection with them, but you realized that you were one of them. You felt the same excitement when he stepped on the stage, you bought all his albums, even though he made sure you’d be one of the first people to get your hands on it. You had a second copy of them, because buying it gave you the extra jolt of happiness and the feeling that you were a tiny part of his success too. You watched all his music videos, knew the lyrics to his songs and cheered on him whenever he won another award. Difference was that at the end of the day you could call him and tell him how proud you were of him and he stared back at you with that beautiful grin, his dimples digging deep in his cheeks, telling you that he wouldn’t be here without you. You always knew he just said it to make you feel special, but he insisted it was the truth.

“I’m telling you. It you weren’t with me I would have gone crazy already, pulling a Justin Bieber or summat. Don’t think you are any less than what you are, that’s just daft.”

Every time he said something along those lines those damned butterflies in your stomach went crazy and you tried your best to ignore them. You didn’t always succeed, but the effort was there.

 Now it’s two days before Christmas and you are already standing in your old room after coming home from London, leaving your small but cozy little apartment empty until the next year. The walls are still the same lilac color you chose when you were fourteen, a twin bed is pushed against the wall under your window, the wardrobe’s door is littered with old pictures from high school and ones you cut out from magazines. You just never got around to take them down and after a while it brought you a comforting sense every time you came home. A warm nostalgia took over you when you saw them, so they eventually stayed.

Your suitcase is lying on the floor as you unpack some stuff you’ll be using often during your stay, but you don’t get far in the packing when you hear an all too familiar voice coming from downstairs. Leaving your stuff as it is you rush down and throw your arms around Anne from behind, who is standing in the kitchen with your mum.

“My sweet angel! How are you?!” she cheers turning around in your hold to hug you back, giving you a tight squeeze before she pushes you away so she can have a good look on you. “Swear you get prettier every time I see you!”

“Stop it, my head’s gonna get big,” you chuckle feeling yourself blushing a little.

“Never gonna stop praising my daughter,” she smiles and gifts you with a cheeky wink.

Anne was never shy to let you know that she thought of you as a second daughter and you still remember how it felt when she called you that for the first time. It felt nice to know that you could count on her no matter what.

The three of you chat in the kitchen, Anne asks you about your job and how things have been going, she hasn’t seen you in a while. You missed the times when you could just go across the street and have a talk with her whenever you wanted, but since you’ve moved to London, Harry wasn’t the only one you didn’t get to see as often as you would have wanted. Your job and life overall got you so busy sometimes, you barely had time to call your own mum.

“Harry is arriving this evening. Wanna come with us to fetch him up at the airport?” she asks you and of course you say yes. You wouldn’t miss the chance to greet him with a bone crushing hug just after he lands.

However, as the time nears when you’d have to leave to the airport, Anne calls you up and asks if you could go on your own.

“I didn’t finish cooking and Gems is in an online meeting. Would you mind if you went alone?” she asks and though it sounds a little made up, you don’t question her.

On your way to the airport you are nervously drumming on the wheel, the thought of seeing Harry excites and worries you a little. It’s been months since you last seen him in the flesh and though you’ve talked plenty of times on the phone and in video calls, it’s just not the same. You find yourself wondering if he still smells the same, if you’ll fit the same way into his embrace as before. When you were younger you often liked to think about the two of you as two pieces of legos when you hugged. Your frame just fitted so perfectly against his body, he was your absolutely favorite person to hug.

Standing in a corner at the terminal, you keep checking the board until his flight’s status changes to landed. Then your eyes are glued to the sliding glass doors, knowing well it’s gonna take him some time to get his bags and walk out, but you are just way too excited to finally see him again.

People start walking through the doors and your head perks up every time you see a slightly tall frame, only to realize it’s still not him. Until it is.

You can’t bite your growing smile back when you spot him, a beanie and the hood of his hoodie covering his mop of hair, sunnies hiding his eyes, but you’d recognize him even from just the tiniest detail. You push yourself away from the wall as you see him look around, probably searching for his mum and sister, because he was already on his way when Anne decided it’s gonna be you who fetches him up, so he doesn’t know about the change.

“Excuse me, can I get a picture?” you ask teasingly walking up to him and for a moment you can tell he believes it’s a fan who recognized him, but his face quickly changes once his eyes land on you.

“Fo’ fuck’s sake, you had me for a second,” he breathes out, his arms already reaching out to pull you against him and you gladly envelop yourself into his hold. “What are you doing here?” he mumbles tightening his arms around you, and you don’t mind it. As you face is pressed into his shoulder you smile when you realize that he still smells the same. Like home.

“Your mum asked me to come and get you because she didn’t finish cooking. But if you ask me she just wanted to surprise you with me. You happy to see me?” you smirk up at him letting your head fall back so you could look into his eyes.

“Always,” he grins before placing a soft kiss to your temple and letting go of you.

The two of you leave the terminal before anyone could recognize him and packing his stuff up into the car you head back home.

You hand your phone over to him once you hit the road so he can be in charge of the music and it’s no surprise when he starts playing Christmas music straight away. Grinning to yourself you glance over at him and see him scrolling through your camera roll like the nosy little gremlin that he is.

“Hey! I did not give you permission to snoop around my phone!” you warn him, but don’t try to snatch it away from him, there’s really nothing he shouldn’t see, besides, half of those pics have been sent to him through messages.

“Just tryna catch up w’ you,” he mumbles under his breath, continuously opening up photos he is interested in. “New couch, eh?” he asks showing you the screen for a second.

“Yeah, bought it a few weeks ago. You like it?”

“Looks comfy. I should try it out sometime.”

“You never sleep on my couch, what are you talking about?”

“Right, you always drag me t’ your bed,” he snorts and you gasp at him, smacking his chest gently.

“That’s so not true! You always just arbitrarily make yourself comfortable in my bed and I don’t have the heart to kick you out,” you correct him.

There hasn’t been many times when Harry crashed at your place, but when he did, he always slept in your bed with you, and the two of you have shared a bed a few other times prior too. It’s nothing new, though it does have a deeper meaning for you than for him, you think. Waking up with Harry snoring lightly next to you, admiring how peaceful and beautiful he is in this intimate state, you just wish you could see him like this all the time.

Harry smirks at you cheekily, scrunching his nose as he chuckles.

“’Cause I wouldn’t want to sleep anywhere else, Love,” he says before turning his attention back to your phone while you try to ignore the butterflies in your stomach at the nickname.

It’s quite late by the time you get home, you’ve run into some traffic, but it just meant more time with Harry. You gladly listened to his stories and you are happy you got some alone time with him. Parking up to your driveway you help him unload his bags before locking the car.

“Wanna go to the Christmas market in the morning? Promised Gemma I’d go with her and Michal,” he asks, slowly walking down the driveway towards his home.

“Uh, sure,” you nod smiling. Not that you had any other plans, the holidays are reserved for family and the Styles’ are family.

“Great, I’ll be here at ten. And thanks for the ride,” he smirks waving goodbye and you watch him cross the street before he disappears in his home and you do the same.

“Y/N? Is that you?” your mum calls out when you walk in.

“Were you expecting anyone else?” you ask, hanging your coat before you join her in the living room.

“Not,” she smiles giddily. “Was everything alright at the airport?”

You throw your legs over her lap and she squeezes your ankles playfully.

“Yeah, everything fine.”

“How is Harry?”

“Cheeky and smug, as always,” you huff smirking.

“Can’t wait to see him. I feel like I haven’t seen ‘im in ages.”

“When are they coming over tomorrow?”

“Anne said she’ll come around four to help me cook, the rest I don’t know. Dinner will be done around seven though.”

“I’m pretty sure Gemma and Harry will be here along with Anne,” you snort, knowing well they wouldn’t miss a chance to come over, especially Harry. He has been talking nonstop how he’ll be glued to your hip once he is back home, making up for all the time you’ve spent apart.

“They surely will,” your mum chuckles before you both turn your attention at the telly.

You go to bed way after midnight and finish up the packing you left abruptly when you left to get Harry. Shuffling around in your room you glance out the window and see that the light in Harry’s room is on too. Peeking out you lean against the window’s frame, thinking about the times when the two of you sat in the window, talking on the phone after curfew, keeping your voice down so your parents didn’t wake up, sharing secrets and your silliest thoughts. With Harry, you never felt like you had to keep anything back, he would have never judged you for anything, you could be your true self around him and vice versa.

A tall figure appears at the window and as Harry glances out his window he is quick to see you sitting on the window sill, your head resting against the frame. The two houses are not far away from each other and you see him grinning as he sits at the window as well, pulling out his phone, a moment later yours starts buzzing on the nightstand. You quickly grab it, and go back to the window.

“Creeping on me, eh?” he hums into the phone and you roll your eyes at him.

“Was just admiring the street lights, don’t flatter yourself, your head is getting too big,” you huff, but you can’t push your smirk down.

“Admit it, you were hoping to see me roam around naked, weren’t you?”

“As if I haven’t seen you like that before,” you snort making him laugh too. It’s true, Harry has never been shy to get rid of his clothes and he also doesn’t bother to draw the blinds whenever he is changing. You once saw him butt naked when he was nineteen, and when you told him to close the blinds next time he is changing, he just shrugged with a smug smile.

“’M not ashamed of anything, Love,” he told you and you had to turn away because you were blushing for sure.

“Right, you’re a fan of putting yourself on full display when you’re naked, almost forgot,” you chuckle shaking your head. “Millions of girls have the picture of you, lying naked on their walls.”

“You one of them?” he cheekily asks.

“Nah, doesn’t go well with the vibe of my apartment.”

“Shame. Though I think it would definitely look amazin’ above your bed, Love.”

“Now would it? I don’t know about that.”

“I’ll get you a copy framed,” he smirks and you can see it clear even from the distance. “Y’ know what? I’ll make you an exclusive one. One that nobody else has, how does that sound?”

“I can’t believe you, Styles,” you chuckle shaking your head. “I’m not gonna answer this, just gonna head to bed. You should too.”

“So we’re not sharing any secrets like we used to? Thought you’d have something fo’ me.”

“You know everything, Harry,” you sigh with a soft smile, though your heart skips a beat. He does know everything, except one big, fat, heavy secret you’ve been carrying around for way too long, that will probably stay with you forever.

“Right. Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow.” “Night, Harry.”

“Good night, Love,” he murmurs and you know he is smiling, thought he steps away from the window as he says goodbye and you do the same before ending the call.

 ***

 “Hey! That’s mine!” you protest as Harry steals another roasted chestnut from your little paper bag, but you can’t stay mad at him when he is smiling at you so sweetly.

“Sorry, tastes better when it’s someone else’s.”

“Sure,” you snort and just let him get as many as he wants. You wouldn’t have eaten it all anyway.

It’s quite cold out in the town, but at least there’s no rain or storm, so the weather didn’t try to ruin your little trip to the Christmas market.

Gemma calls out for Harry to show him something and you just keep wandering between the booths, enjoying the atmosphere quite a lot, you have no idea when was the last time you got to come to the market, though you always loved coming when you were younger.

Finishing up your chestnuts you throw the paper bag into a trash can and turn around to find the rest of your little group, spotting Harry and Gemma deep in discussion next to a booth that offers handmade ceramic mugs. As you walk closer it almost seems like as if they were having a fight, which is just odd, they rarely do that.

“Just get your head out of your arse!” you catch Gemma telling her brother who only groans in frustration before he spots you, a smile plastering across his face.

“Hey, there you are!” he beams.

“Everything alright?” you ask looking at them.

“Sure, just Gemma is being a little nosy, is all,” Harry waves in dismiss. You glance over to Gems, but she is already back in discussion with Michal so you decide to drop it. “You ate all the chestnuts?” Harry asks offended, throwing an arm around your shoulders.

“Well, it was mine, so of course I ate them!”

“Selfish,” he narrows his eyes at you, but you both know it’s just a joke.

You walk further down in the aisle, occasionally stopping at some of the booth when you spot a place that offers hot chocolate in cute little mugs that you can take home with you if you’d like, or just take it back and get your money back.

“Oh look!” you gasp excitedly and head towards the hot chocolate booth. The old lady smiles brightly at the two of you as you take a look at all the choices. “Oh my god, they have caramel flavored!” you cheer, basically already drooling at the thought of a good, caramel flavored hot chocolate.

“What can I get for the lovely couple?” the lady smiles warmly at the two of you and you freeze at her assumption.

“Oh we—“ you start, but Harry cuts you off.

“A caramel flavored and a plain one, please,” he orders, without even batting an eye about how the lady just called you a couple. You can feel your cheeks heating up at the thought, but you try to calm yourself. He probably just didn’t want to get into explaining that you two are not an item and let her think what she wanted.

The nice lady hands you your mug and you take Harry’s as well as he pays for both of them. You would try to argue with him and pay yours, but you are already used to how stubborn he is and he never lets you split anything, it’s always on him.

“Thank you, have a nice day!” Harry calls out to the lady before the two of you leave. You peek at him handing him his mug, looking for any clue that would give away if this little scene got him just as bothered as it did you, but he looks perfectly fine and relaxed, so you decide not to bring it up. You’re sure he didn’t think much of it.

Your little stroll stretches into the afternoon, the four of you decide to have lunch out there too, then you just opt for a walk in town as Gemma wants to do a quick last minute Christmas shopping, so by the time you get home Anne is already over at yours helping your mum with dinner. Tonight you are all eating at yours, then tomorrow it’s the Styles’ turn to host, this is how you agreed this year.

“Woah, it smells amazing!” you call out walking into the house. The delicious smells fill up the whole place and you hear the two women giggling in the kitchen.

“Hi Honey, how was the market?” your mum greets you, a glass of red wine in her hand and the same goes for Anne.

“Great, we have a new mug,” you say holding up the emptied out hot chocolate mug. Stepping to the sink you wash it quickly and drying off you put it away in one of the cabinets.

You stick around in the kitchen and not so much later Harry comes over, the two of you leave your mums alone and get comfortable in front of the telly.

All channels are filled with holiday movies and you don’t mind, really, you like them all even if you’ve seen them a million times, you still find them funny and cute. Harry feels the same way, so when you settle on Love Actually he doesn’t say a word.

What startles you is that he grabs your ankles and pulls your legs over his lap, a small shriek escaping your mouth since you weren’t expecting him to do that. You’re sitting sideways, your legs are bent at the knee and Harry is kind of hugging them as his eyes are glued to the screen.

You find it rather hard to focus on the movie when Harry’s fingers keep fidgeting on your legs, they keep running up and down, sometimes he lays his hands flat on your knees, there’s no spot he hasn’t touched since you started watching the movie.

About an hour into the film he turns to you and you look at him in question.

“’M in the mood to cuddle,” he announces and starts moving around, not even letting you protest as he basically crawls to your lap, resting his head on your stomach as the two of you lay on the couch.

“Am I now your personal pillow?” you ask chuckling, but you wouldn’t want him to move for anything. Feeling him weigh down on you just feels so warm and simple but amazing.

“The best one,” he mumbles, bringing a hand to your side as you let your fingers comb through his curls.

You keep massaging his scalp and he lets out soft moans when you go over a soft spot, you can’t help but chuckle as he melts under your hands. His fingers start drawing circles on your side and the movie is long forgotten by you, all you can focus on is how great it is to have Harry so close to you. He is known to be a physical person, you are used to hugs and touches, but it seems like he is a little needier now than the usual.

You don’t mind it though, you just try to enjoy the moment, because it can end anytime.

Gemma and Michal come over a little before seven, and while your mums finish up the cooking the four of you set the table. You grab the crystal glasses and start placing them to the table, Harry lending you a hand. Once the table is all set you shuffle into the kitchen to see if there’s anything you can help with, Harry following you behind, placing a hand to the small of your back.

As you stand and wait for you mum to finish up the meals so you can help carry them to the table you feel Harry’s hand wander over to your hip, giving it a squeeze as he stands closer, so his chest is pressed against your back.

“Harry?” you ask a little out of breath.

“Hm?” he innocently hums.

“What’s with you today?” Turning your head to the side your eyes lock with his, but he just shrugs smiling.

“Guess I just missed yeh a lot.”

“You’re weird,” you chuckle shaking your head, but don’t make an effort to push him away. His touch feels way too good to put an end to it and you just want to be selfish a little longer.

His hands leave you when the two of you help to bring the food to the table, and you almost wish they would just return, but you gotta swallow the thought.

The food is amazing, as always. You all sip on some wine, just having a genuinely good time, enjoying that all of you are back at one place, something that rarely happens now that all three of you kids are all grown up.

At one point Harry rests his arm on the back of your chair, no one seems to notice but you. All these little things have been driving you crazy all day and your mind seems to be playing a nasty game with you. There’s no way Harry thinks of these details more than what they are, a friendly gesture towards an old friend of his.

When Gemma is telling a story about some weird guy she met at work Harry reaches up and pushes your hair behind your ear, his finger lingering over your neck a little longer than you would have expected. Turning to face him you give him a questioning look, not sure what to think about his needy and touchy self all of a sudden.

“What?” you mouth him, but he just smiles at you absentmindedly, curling a strand of hair around his finger, playing with it for a moment before letting go of it and going for another lock. You reach up and pull his hand away, feeling yourself heating up from his touch, but when you are about to let go of his hand he grabs yours, lacing your fingers together with yours as he rests them on his thigh.

“Harry…” you breathe out, glancing at the others, relieved to see that they are not paying much attention to the two of you.

“What? Am I not allowed to touch you?” he asks with a smug smirk and you roll your eyes at him.

“As I said, you’re weird,” you mumble under your breath looking down at your now empty plate. Harry gives your hand a squeeze.

“But like, the good kind of weird, yeah?”

“Shut up,” you chuckle shaking your head at him.

You try to tell yourself he is just needy because it’s been so long since you last saw each other. It can’t be more, you push even the smallest thought to the back of your mind, though it surely lingers there throughout the evening.

He helps you with washing the dishes, you stand arm to arm at the sink as you scrub the plates and hand over to him for drying. He gently hums to himself all along, swaying his hips, bumping against yours. At first you resist it, but then you catch the rhythm and start moving along, so your hips meet in the middle before swinging to the opposite side.

“What’s the song?” you ask finishing up the last plate.

“Just something random,” he shrugs smirking over at you. You hand him the last plate, he is still singing, making up gibberish lyrics to his song and once he puts the plate down he throws the kitchen cloth to the counter and easily grabs your waist pulling you against him as he starts swaying with you to his impromptu song. You let out a small shriek at the sudden movement, but eventually melt into his hold. The humming slowly turns into an all too familiar melody as Harry starts singing Sweet Creature into your ear, slow dancing in the kitchen while you hear your mums and Gemma laugh outside somewhere.

Your hands run up his arms and stop behind his neck as you lock your fingers and let him hold you close, his palms are pressed to your waist, fingers gently stroking you through the fabric of your shirt. You take a deep breath and his cologne fills your nose, one of your favorite scents, sometimes you just wish you could spray it on your pillow so it would always smell like him.

“Sweet creature, wherever I go, you bring me home…” he softly sings, leaning back just enough for your eyes to meet. It feels like your heart is about to burst out of your chest, it’s not the first time you feel so intimidated by him, like you could pass out any moment, but this is a little different. As if his eyes were telling you another story, but you can’t completely make up the words.

“Sweet creature, when I run out of road, you bring me home, you’ll bring me home.” He finishes the song, hums the closing melody and you watch him in complete awe. Your lips part when you catch his gaze move down to them and you swear you see him leaning closer, as if he is about to kiss you. Your breath gets caught in your throat, he is so close, just a few more inches and you’d taste those perfect lips of his, the ones you’ve been dreaming about for way too long.

It almost happens, it seems, but just when that last push is about to set in Gemma waltz into the kitchen and you step back faster than light, pushing him away even though the sudden lack of his touch is more painful than you were expecting.

“You guys—Oh, what’s up?” she asks stopping at the door and you feel yourself getting redder with each passing moment, the heat crawling up your neck, ears cheeks, right to the top of your head. What were you thinking? You let yourself believe Harry would ever kiss you, this whole scene was nothing more than just a friendly moment the two of you were sharing.

“I’m—sorry,” you breathe out making your way out of the kitchen, right up to your room to have some well needed space.

“Way to ruin everything,” Harry snickers at his sister.

“You joking? You wanted to kiss her in her mum’s kitchen?” Gemma snaps at him in disbelief.

“We were having a moment,” he mumbles rubbing his face with his hands. “Up until you stomped in with your big mouth.”

“Well, if you were havin’ a moment, just make it happen again.”

“As if it’s that easy, Gemma!” he scoffs throwing his hands in the air.

“Man up and tell her how you feel, don’t have to complicate it too much,” she shrugs before walking out and leaving her brother alone. Harry growls in frustration, the gears in his head turning wildly as he is trying to figure out how to come clear to you about his feelings.

 Meanwhile, up in your room you get out your laptop and busy yourself with checking up on messages and emails you’ve been ignoring, hoping that the uneasy feeling in your chest will ease very soon. Your hands were shaking when you locked yourself up in your room, but as you get focused on other tasks you slowly gain your balance back.

You kind of even forget that the Styles’ were over, you only realize that you abruptly pulled yourself out of the evening when there’s a soft knock on your door.

“Come on in!” you call out and a moment later Harry’s head pops in, eyes softly falling on your sitting figure on the bed. “Hey,” you smile at him faintly.

“Hey. Thought you were sleepin’s or summat.” Coming inside he closes the door behind him then sits on your plush rug in the middle of the room.

“Just… sorted some work related things out,” you sigh.

“Working during the holidays? Tha’s not healthy.”

“I know, I’m done,” you smile shutting the laptop down and putting it aside. “Sorry I disappeared, I just—“

“No worries,” Harry shakes his head. “Mum and Gems went home, they thought you were sleeping too, tha’s why they didn’t say goodbye.”

“Oh, alright.”

“But I thought we could have a sleepover,” he peeks at you with a boyish smile.

“What, like we did in middle school?” you chuckle.

“Yea, thought it would be fun.”

“Well, I don’t think my bed would fit us comfortably and we don’t have the mattress anymore that you used to sleep on,” you tell him looking around.

“Nonsense, I’m not tha’ big,” he insists hopping to his feet and throwing himself on the bed, ignoring that you’re already there. His body takes up more than half on the bed , limbs wrapping around you as he brings you down to the mattress next to him, you can’t help the laugh that leaves your lips.

“You’re like a gigantic baby, Harry!” you laugh as he keeps you down on the bed with his arm.

“It’s perfectly fine for two people,” he mumbles with a smirk, closing his eyes as his head sinks into your pillow.

“Do you ever get no as an answer?” you ask looking at him in awe. You can never get used to seeing him so up close, like not many get to.

“No,” he huffs in satisfaction, his arm bringing you closer to him and you just giggle at him.

“I’m not sleeping just yet, gotta have a shower first.”

“Do what you want, I’ll be here,” he mumbles but you snort at him.

“You’re not sleeping in my bed without having a shower,” you tell him before you grab your pajamas and head to the bathroom.

You have a quick shower and get done with all your evening business. Returning to your room you find Harry sitting on the floor, his back against the side of the bed as he is scrolling through his phone.

“Does mum know you’re staying over?” you ask him as you throw your used clothes into the hamper, moving around the room while feeling his eyes on you.

“Yeah. ‘S all good.”

“You need a towel?”

“Yes please,” he says pushing himself up from the floor.

“Clothes?” you ask with an arched brow. He just grins at you and it’s enough of an answer. “Here,” you give him the shirt and sweats he has left at yours quite some time ago, along with a clean towel.

“Thanks,” he smirks before leaving to occupy the bathroom.

He doesn’t take long in there, you’re lying in bed already when he returns, smelling like your shower gel, strawberry and melon.

He throws his clothes to the chair in the corner and then lies beside you on the bed. You scoot over to the wall to give him space, but he is quick to bring you closer to him once he has made himself comfortable. You lay your head on his shoulder as you are both scrolling through your phones.

When you had enough, you throw yours to the nightstand, and stay cuddled up to his side.

“Do you remember the last time I slept here?” he asks tossing his phone to the nightstand and bringing his arms around you.

“Mm, was it at my twentieth birthday?”

“Yeah. You were so wasted,” he chuckles and you smirk to yourself

“But you took good care of me.”

“I did. You were so cute, rambling about how much you love me when I took you home from the pub.”

You bite into your bottom lip. You still remember that night vividly. Your birthday party had gone a little wild and you had gotten drunker than you intended to. Luckily, he was there to bring your home and he stayed in the bathroom with you as you threw up everything you ate and drank that evening. Then he made you take a shower, got you fresh clothes out and helped you get into bed. He slept next to you that night, holding you in his arms, gently caressing your back and upper arm as you fell into your drunken slumber. In the morning you told yourself he just did what any other friend would do, helping you out when you were clearly knocked out, but he made you breakfast in the morning since your mum was working all night and morning and he stayed over later the afternoon to make sure you were alright.

What you told him in your drunken state about loving him, it wasn’t just your friendly side, it was your drunken self coming clear to him, telling him that you are in love with him, but he didn’t take it seriously and you were too ashamed and awkward to even bring it up to him after that, so it was all forgotten very soon.

Following that you planned on telling him how you feel, several times. You even wrote a little speech you planned to give him when the time comes, but you couldn’t do it. The fear of losing him if he doesn’t feel the same was stronger than you expected and every time you had the chance to come clear, you chickened out. The thought of losing him as a friend is way worse than having to push your feelings down... forever. You just can’t imagine your life without Harry in it and you can’t risk losing him.

The two of you talk for quite a while, laughing about the good old times, until you both fall asleep. Sometime in the middle of the night you wake up and feel Harry wrapped around you, his head lying on your chest as he is snoring softly. He truly is like a big baby, an arm thrown over your stomach, his legs tangled with yours. Good Lord, how amazing it feels to have him so close to you!

Reaching up you tangle your fingers through his hair gently so he doesn’t wake up, his soft curls glide between your fingers easily and lifting your head you kiss the top of his head before letting yourself drift back to sleep.

When you open your eyes the next time the situation is the opposite, you are the one cuddled up to Harry’s side who is scrolling through his phone with one hand, keeping the other one on your arm.

“Mornin’, sleepy head,” he chuckles softly when he sees you awake.

“Mmm, what time is it?” you ask letting your head rest on his chest a little longer.

“Quarter to nine. You can sleep a little more if you want, it’s not that late.”

“No, I promised mum I’d help her wrap gifts,” you sigh rolling over to your stomach as you push yourself up to your elbows to look at him. “Love the double chin you got going there,” you tease him sleepily and he just smirks.

“Yea? Quite cute, right? Worked a lot on it,” he jokes running his finger over it before letting out a chuckle. “Ready for our battle today?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be. You are going down this year, Styles,” you tell him pushing yourself up into a sitting position. Harry only pushes himself further on the bed enough to rest his head against the headboard.

“Oh really? I wouldn’t be that sure about tha’,” he warns you, but you are feeling pretty confident about your performance this year. There’s no way he can top it.

“We’ll see. Alright, I need a coffee. Want something for breakfast?” you ask him crawling out of the bed.

“Yeah, that would be nice.”

Your mum is already in the kitchen, sipping on her morning coffee while reading the paper. She doesn’t find it even a bit weird that Harry spent the night at yours, it’s been quite the usual for you. Harry helps you make eggs and bacon and the three of you eat together, having a lovely time and you genuinely feel like it’s just like in the good old times when you were still living home and Harry wasn’t Harry Styles, but the boy from across the street.

He goes home after breakfast to help his own mum with the cooking for tonight’s dinner and you don’t do much for the rest of the day, just spend time with your mum, watch movies and relax. It’s nice to unwind after such a busy year behind you.

Not long before five you go to take a shower and get ready to head over to the Styles’ and you pack everything you’ll need for the evening: gifts, ugly sweater, accessories. Harry is going down this year for sure.

It’s a little past six when you and your mum walk across the street, Anne’s Christmas lights are putting the little town house into the spirit for sure. You don’t even ring the bell, just walk straight in, like you always do. The Christmas tree stands tall in their living room and the table is already nicely set. Gemma and Michal are snuggled up on the couch while Harry is helping Anne in the kitchen with the finishing touches.

“I’m rooting for you this year,” Gemma winks at you when you set down your bag in the corner that has everything you’ll need for your performance.

“He’s gonna lose this round,” you smirk proudly, very sure in yourself.

Harry greets you with a bright smile and a tight hug when he walks into the living room, as if you didn’t just see each other a few hours earlier.

When the food is ready you all sit down to eat, and though you’re trying your best to focus on the conversation, you’re getting excited about tonight’s karaoke battle.

“Anxious much?” Harry asks you quietly.

“Why are you asking?”

He doesn’t answer, just places a hand to your thigh stopping it from shaking, making you realize you’ve been probably bouncing it all along. He smirks at you as you just roll your eyes at him.

“’S okay, you can handle one more year of losing,” he teases you and you give him an arched eyebrow.

“Don’t be so full of yourself, Harry,” you warn him, but he just squeezes your thigh again before bringing his hands back up to the table, leaving you a little breathless with his touch.

You all help clean up the table after dinner and when it’s done, you gather in the living room to open gifts.

When Harry’s career launched, the first few years you felt anxious about gifting him, because you felt like you couldn’t give him enough. He had all the money and bought everything he needed for himself, there wasn’t much you could give him. But when one time, you admitted to him this struggle of yours he assured you that it doesn’t matter what you give him, it’ll always be precious to him.

“You thought about me, you took the time to buy something for me, and that’s more than enough, Y/N,” he told you and though it took you time, but you got used to it. Especially when you saw the same excitement in his eyes every time you gifted something to him, you slowly but surely realized he wasn’t expecting a Gucci suit, but a thoughtful gesture.

Gathering in the living room you open the presents one by one and just as always, everyone was quite creative with the gifts. You can’t help but still feel a little anxious when Harry grabs his gift from you. Giving you an excited look he unties the little bow on the top and tears the wrapping paper off.

“Y/N!” he breathes out, eyes softening as he pulls the knitted cardigan out of the box.

“I always saw you wearing all sorts of cardigans and so I finally had a reason to learn how to knit, so I thought I would make one for you,” you ramble as he holds up the baby blue cardigan that has little daisies all over the front. It took you an entire week to just make the daisies, you worked on the whole cardigan for more than two months, usually in the middle of the night, staying up until unholy hours to finish in time.

But Harry’s smile is worth it all, he is beaming, clearly so in love with what you made him, so you breathe out relieved. He then puts it aside and wraps his arms around you pulling you into the tightest hug.

“Thank you, I love it so much,” he mumbles and kisses your temple and you breathe in his sweet scent, burying yourself in his embrace, hugging his waist.

When you part, Harry reaches for a box from under the tree and hands it to you, a nervous smile tugging on his lips. You can tell he wrapped the gift himself, the silver wrapping paper is a little uneven, but the huge rainbow colored bow on the top is the perfect touch that makes it like a piece of him.

You carefully tear the paper off, peeking inside you just see a plain box that doesn’t give much away. Glancing up at Harry you see how he is anxiously biting his bottom lip, even though you’d be happy with a gift as small as a candle. It’s the thought that counts.

“I-I wasn’t sure if this was the one you mentioned to me, so I hope it’s gonna be alright,” he mumbles, eyes fixed on your hands as they open the box, while you try to think back what you have told him about that caught his attention, but you just can’t recall what you wanted to get so badly you told Harry about it.

As you open the box you don’t process what it is immediately, the plastic wrapper making it hard to figure it out, but when you carefully pull out the object, you gasp in surprise.

“Harry!” you breathe out as you pull off the plastic of the old, vintage polaroid camera. It’s not one of these new types you can buy in stores easily, this is a classic, must have quite a history behind it.

Now you vaguely remember talking about longing for an oldschool, vintage camera, but it was months ago and you’ve forgotten about the whole thing since these devices cost a fortune because there aren’t many left from them. But now there’s one in your hands, because Harry not only listened to you, but he remembered and went out of his way to find you one in amazing condition.

“This must have cost a fortune!” you huff, your heart pounding in your chest, though you already know it doesn’t matter to him.

“This face is worth every penny,” he smiles at you softly before you throw yourself at him for another round of hugging. This man surely knows how to have you wrapped around his fingers.

The two of you sit on the floor as you figure out how to make the camera work, Harry bought everything needed, so you have a few packs of films as well. When it’s all done you bring it up to your face and aim it at Harry. It takes him a moment to realize that you’re about to snap your first photo and he tries to snatch the camera away, but it’s too late, the flash goes off and the device pushes out the undeveloped picture.

“You wasted your first snap on me?” he protests rubbing his eyes after the flash blinded him for a little.

“It’s not a waste,” you tell him as you patiently wait for the picture to finally appear.

Slowly, the colors start to show and in a couple of minutes Harry’s face appears, his hand reaching in the direction of the camera, looking out of focus, only his face appearing clearly. He looks so delicate, his eyes dazzling as a soft smile plays on his lips. This moment now will live forever not just in your mind, but on this photo.

 Harry goes out with his karaoke performance this year for sure and you’d be actually anxious about him winning if only you didn’t have the absolutely best performance right in your pocket.

His sweater this year features some really ugly looking penguins and a horroristic reindeer on the back, it’s really ugly and you can’t even imagine who thought it would be fine to make it and then sell it. His choice of music is also excellent, he has a great eye for songs you’d never imagine him perform and then shock everyone with it. This year, he chose Rude Boy by none other than Rihanna, and it’s fantastic, no one can make it through the song without crying. Harry makes sure to put on his best show, even dancing and twerking unapologetically, trying everything to win the battle and you are amazed by his effort. Above all the fun and jokes, he nails the song, that’s undeniable. It always baffles you how he can just slay any and all genres, even the ones that stand a million miles away from his style.

When the song is over, you all cheer for him, because he truly deserves it. He grins down at you in victory, but you just give him a challenging smirk.

“You can just give up now, if you want,” he teases you as you stand up from the couch and the two of you trade places.

“Oh, I think you should be the one to worry about losing,” you warn him grabbing your bag. Stepping to Gemma you whisper into her ear, instructing her to put on your song when you call out from the bathroom, since you are planning on do a grandiose entrance. When she hears what song you’ll be singing she gasps.

“Oh my fucking God, no way!” he looks at your with wide eyes.

“What? What is it?” Harry asks, dying to know what you just told his sister, but you shake your head at him.

“Patience,” you tell him before locking yourself up in the bathroom.

This year, you didn’t find the sweater, the sweater found you. On one of your thrift tours, you were digging up a huge pile of clothes when you came right across it and you knew what you needed to do.

Putting on the sweater you fix up your hair quickly before putting on your party glasses, the one that lights up if you switch it on. You take one last look at yourself in the mirror and smirk at your reflection knowing well you’ll have everyone dead when you walk out.

“Gemma! You can start it!” you call out with your hand on the doorknob, waiting to hear the music. Gemma quickly starts in and you haven’t even stepped out, you can hear a round of gasps.

Best Song Ever blasts through the speakers and you walk out trying your best to imitate a younger version of Harry, wearing the absolute ugliest Christmas sweater ever, that has the faces of One Direction all over it, filling up every inch of the fabric, and all of them have poorly photoshopped Santa hats on, it’s just literal trash and ridiculously perfect for the battle.

You grab the mic and start singing as everyone screams in the room. You jump, sing and even do the dance moves the boys do in the original music video, and when you look at Harry you see him staring at you in disbelief and total defeat. Everyone knows you won, nothing can top this performance ever and you could burst from the sweet feeling of victory.

By the end of the song everyone is up on their feet dancing and singing with you, a mini party forming in the middle of the living room and you all scream the last lines as the song comes to its end.

“I think we don’t even need to vote this time,” you say when the music stops, everyone screaming in agreement while Harry stares down at you, trying to hide his growing smirk.

“Where did you even find this?” he asks chuckling as he takes a better look at the sweater.

“At a thrift store, it called out my name, knew it’d be perfect.”

“It really is ugly, if I’m being honest,” he sighs, his eyes meeting yours again. “And the song… I accept defeat, you earned this victory, Y/N,” he tells you bowing and admitting your victory.

 Later that night everyone is so keen on watching Holiday, you agree to stay even though you feel your eyelids heavily weighing down, threatening to close with each passing moment. You let your head rest on Harry’s shoulder and he presses his cheek against the crown of your head.

It’s not a surprise you fall asleep halfway into the movie, but what you weren’t expecting is to wake up and find yourself not on the couch anymore, but in Harry’s bed. It’s dark, only the moon is shining through his windows and as you turn to the right you see that he is sleeping peacefully next to you on his back, one arm spread next to him, hand hanging from the edge, the other one resting on his stomach, rising and falling in a slow rhythm.

Squinting your eyes you look at the digital clock on his dresser, it reads 3:23 am so you’ve been asleep for quite a few hours now. You don’t even remember him bringing you up here, but you’re definitely not mad that he didn’t bring you home, just up to his room.

Rolling to your side you give yourself a moment to adorn his beauty without fearing he would catch your wandering eyes. Everything seems so perfect about him, the line of his nose, his cupid’s bow that delicately rolls into her lips. The crease between his eyebrows, his soft skin on his cheeks, down his neck that runs into his broad shoulders and inked, strong arms. You truly think there’s no man that could compare to him and you are lucky enough to live your life so close to him, be able to touch him, hear his voice whenever you miss him, see his smile and share a connection with him.

It’s so silly, but you think of him as your personal ray of sunshine in your life. Just the smallest things about him can brighten your worst day, he’ll always have a special place in your heart, no matter where life takes the two of you.

Watching him sleeping you allow yourself to break free from your doubts and fears and scooting closer you shyly curl up to his side, your head resting on his shoulder, but you can’t even make yourself comfortable before you feel him moving under you.

Sucking on your breath you think he’ll push you away, not wanting you so close, but instead, he pulls his arm from under you, curling around your frame as he pulls you tight to him, almost making you lie on top of him. Your whole body is pressed against him and you mingle a leg between his long ones under the soft sheets. You let out a long huff at the warm touch of his body against your skin, completely lost in him.

“You alright?” he mumbles in his sleep laced voice, his eyes remain closed.

“Yeah. Is this okay?” you nervously ask as you lay your hand flat on his stomach. He brings his hand that was hanging from the bed on his other side and covers yours, as he squeezes you tight to his side.

“’M all yours,” he breathes out, his words sending a shiver down your spine. You’re sure he didn’t mean it like that, but it warmed your heart to hear it from him and you let your mind play with the thought that there was more behind his words than a friendly manner.

Nuzzling your head into his chest you close your eyes and listening to his steady heartbeat you let yourself fall back asleep.

 Your morning is filled with coffee, pancakes, laughter and great company. Harry doesn’t let you leave without having breakfast with them, so you sit with the Styles family and laugh about the craziest stories from your teenage years.

“Remember when we tried to run away?” Harry grins at you, his red mug that had white polka dots all over it in his hands as he eyes you.

“Oh, how could I forget that?” you huff and Gemma turns to you with surprise in her eyes.

“Wait, I didn’t know about that!”

“Because we didn’t get too far,” Harry laughs. “We were, what, like fifteen?”

“Yeah, it was a few weeks after my fifteenth birthday,” you nod smiling.

“I had a fight with mum about God knows what, then stormed over to Y/N’s and talked her into running away. So we packed our backpacks and left.”

“Where did you go?” Michal asks with an amused grin as he listens to the story.

“We didn’t want to go into town, running into anyone we know, so we thought we would just go straight out to the meadow that’s there,” Harry says gesturing towards the window. The edge of the town is not so war, and a huge meadow lies there, a little stream running across it. “We walked for quite long, but then it started to get dark and we had nowhere to go, so we just ended up coming back home. No one even noticed we were gone, they thought we just went out to bike or something,” he finishes laughing.

“You knew about this?” Gemma asks Anne.

“Yeah, he came clear the next day, thinking he would piss me off with it, but I didn’t care, he came back for dinner, so it was alright,” Anne explains laughing.

It’s been so long since it happened, but I still remember it vividly, only that it was a more dramatic memory back then, now I can only laugh at it.

“We should go for a walk today,” Harry prompts to you.

“Wanna run away again?” you tease him.

“Always,” he chuckles.

You help cleaning up and agree with Harry to meet outside in an hour to take a walk to the meadow. Going home you take a shower and wash the dishes your mum left in the sink when she left for her morning shift. You put on a pair of boyfriend jeans, a warm sweater and your jacket with your trusty boots and you walk out the house right when Harry steps out as well. He grins in your way as the two of you meet in the middle of the street. He holds his arm out for you.

“M’ lady?” he smirks as you link your arm with his and the two of you head out for your little walk. It’s a gloomy day, might rain later as well, but it’s dry so far, so you’re just hoping to get home before it starts raining. Your runaway attempt wasn’t the only time the two of you came out here, it was kind of your place when you felt like having a break from everyone else. You biked out here, brought your favorite snacks and just ran around, enjoying the stillness.

However it also holds a bitter memory as well.

A little further down among the trees happened Harry’s first kiss and you witnessed it, feeling your heart break to a million pieces when you saw him lock lips with someone who wasn’t you.

Debby Hamilton was a friend of yours in sixth grade, you’d say, your only friend beside Harry and the three of you often hung out together around that time. Debby was a delight, you always desired to be more like her, boys liked her and she knew it damn well, but it didn’t make her cocky and egoistic. You always thought Harry had a crush on her, why would have he? They kind of looked cute together.

It was a Friday afternoon and Harry asked if you wanted to come out and listen to his new cassette he got for his old Walkman he refused to get rid of as technology was evolving. You figured he’d want Debby there as well so you invited her along, but didn’t tell Harry. He never made a move on Debby and you thought he was just looking for the right time.

That afternoon, you were supposed to meet them out there at five, but you didn’t leave until half past five and it takes about twenty minutes to get out there. Though you gave them the alone time technically, it still startled you when you found them under one of the oak trees, Debby leaning her back against the tree as Harry stood in front of her. She was smiling up at him sweetly, saying something to him and you were just about to call out for them and apologize for being late when Harry ducked his head and kissed Debby right in front of your eyes.

That was your first and probably worst heartbreak and you were only twelve. You felt betrayed, hopeless and naïve to think Harry would ever have a thing for you when there were girls like Debby. You left without letting them know you were there. When Harry asked you later why you didn’t come you told him you felt sick to your stomach, which wasn’t a total lie, you had quite the nausea after seeing Harry with Debby, but he didn’t have to know all the details.

He later told you about kissing Debby and you pretended like you didn’t know about it. However they never dated and not long after their kiss Debby drifted away from the two of you. Not that you minded, you had a bitter feeling every time you had to look at her after that, jealousy raging in your chest knowing that she got Harry’s first kiss.

He didn’t bring it up after and you weren’t keen on talking about it, but you still know which tree they were standing under and now as you near the area you see that it still stands tall near the tiny stream.

Peeking up at Harry you see that his eyes are focused on the same tree, but then he catches you looking.

“Memories?” you innocently ask, feeling your chest tightening. You don’t even know why you asked. It’s been over a decade since that kiss, you are both adults, but you still can’t help the sadness that washes over you at just the thought, why would you want to get him talk about it now?

“’S just… that’s the tree I kissed Debby when I was twelve,” he mumbles with a shrug. Biting into your bottom lip you look at the old oak tree nodding your head and before you could stop yourself, you speak up.

“I know.”

“What? How would you? I never told you,” Harry asks stopping, a puzzled look pulling on his face.

“Well I… It doesn’t matter,” you sigh, regretting ever opening your mouth.

“It does. Tell me!” he pleads standing in front of you.

“I know it, because… I was here.”

“You what?”

“I came, I was just very late. And when I arrived you two were standing there and I saw you kiss. I thought I shouldn’t interrupt whatever was happening so I went home and let you two be,” you explain, changing it up a little bit.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why is it important that I saw it? It doesn’t change anything, right?” you ask with a smile that you intended to look innocent, but deep down it’s filled with pain.

Harry opens his mouth as if he wants to say something, but then remains silent and you are done talking about it, so you just quietly keep walking, Harry catching up with you a few moments later.

It’s awfully quiet after your revelation, it seems like Harry is deep in his thoughts and though you’re dying to know what’s occupying his bright thoughts, you’re kind of afraid you’d hear something you didn’t want to.

The two of you soon head back home and slowly, but you forget about the whole Debby thing. Harry starts talking again, but he looks a little keyed up still when you reach your street.

“Wanna come over later?” you ask standing on the pavement in front of your house, it’s just an innocent question. Harry nods his head.

“Sure. Is your mum working?” he asks glancing at the house, though he knows she is, the car is not on the driveway.

“Yeah. She’ll be home around six.”

He nods again and you want to ask if he is alright, but you decide not to. You share a quick hug before he heads over to his home and you do the same. The house waits for you in silence and when the door clicks behind you, it weighs down on you heavier than you were expecting. You hang your jacket, kick your boots off and throw yourself to the couch, covering your eyes with your arm as you huff out in frustration. You feel silly for getting upset about such a small thing even after so much time, but you just can’t help it.

You barely realize the sound of the front door opening, taking your arm off your eyes you see Harry walk in, eyebrows furrowed, a worried look on his handsome face.

“Harry—“ “I was waiting for you that day,” he simply says as you sit up with wide eyes, confused about what he is really talking about.

“What?”

“That day, we agreed to meet out there to listen to my new Stevie Wonder cassette, but you didn’t show up, Debby did even though I didn’t invite her out there.”

“Well, I did, thought you wanted her there too,” you explain, startled by the situation.

“I would have invited her if I wanted her to be there, but I wanted to be with you. Only you.”

“I-I’m sorry?” you breathe out, not seeing where he is going with it.

“Y/N, you don’t understand,” he huffs and he is right. You don’t. “I wanted to meet you, but you never came, or at least I thought. Then Debby showed up, I was frustrated that you weren’t there and she was being all nice, telling me how cute I looked when I was worried and it all just happened so fast and… I didn’t even want to kiss her.” He looks properly upset telling you the story and he takes a deep breath before his eyes meet yours with a hard stare. “I wanted to be with you,” he repeats.

“Harry, I’m sorry, I didn’t—“

He shakes his hair, not even letting you finish, because he knows what you wanted to say and that you still don’t understand the meaning behind his words.

“Y/N, I wanted to kiss you,” he then finally says and you suck on your breath as he continues. “Well, not right then and there, but I’ve been meaning to kiss you, I just didn’t know when. I thought that if we have a moment that afternoon I’d do it, but you never came and I was mad and disappointed. I hated myself for kissing Debby, because I didn’t really want to, it just… happened. I wanted to tell you, and I intended to do it when I told you we kissed, but you acted so happy, I figured you didn’t feel the same way about me as I did for you. So I didn’t tell you the rest, but…” He sighs in defeat, looking for words, but he ran out.

“Why are you telling this to me now?” you ask a little out of breath, your head feeling heavy at the new information you just heard.

“Why didn’t you tell me you saw us and why did you go home without a word?” he asks ignoring your question.

“I… don’t—“

“Don’t try to lie.”

Gulping hard you lick your dried lips as you stare back at him.

“Because I was… jealous.” Your voice comes out only as a whisper. Harry’s lips part as he takes two steps closer to you.

“You had feelings for me?” he asks and you just nod your head, not trusting yourself with your voice. “Do you still have feelings for me?”

“I do,” you whisper your answer and Harry lets out a sharp breath as he leaps across the room in your way. You jump to your feet, thinking that he’ll lash out on your for keeping it a secret and you open your mouth to explain yourself, but you never get to speak up because as Harry reaches you, one hand snaps to the back of your neck, the other one to your waist, yanking you against him as his lips crash to yours.

You gasp in surprise, but it doesn’t take long to kiss him back, your numb mind blindly reacting to his sudden action. Your hands snake up to the back of his neck as you pull him closer, returning his hungry kisses. His soft lips feel so smooth and warm against yours and when his tongue runs along your bottom lip you whimper letting your tongues meet in the middle.

He is intoxicating and it doesn’t help that your adrenaline level is up in the sky, you’ve fantasized about it way too many times, and now that it’s happening your body is burning in flames. He kisses you all over and over again, his body pressing against yours hard and when he even leans in making you lean back, you lose balance and the two of you fall to the couch, both of you gasping as you are forced to part your lips.

“Fuck,” you chuckle as Harry is basically lying on you, holding himself up on his arms, but you feel him everywhere.

“’M sorry, I got a little carried away, but I’ve been dying to do this since forever,” he admits chuckling as he lifts his head and looks down at you with those bright green eyes of his.

“Really?” you breathe out, only slowly processing what’s really just happened.

“Y/N, I’ve been in love with you since I first saw you hiding behind your mum.”

“Idiot, you were just a kid, you weren’t in love,” you chuckle, running up your hands to the back of his neck, your fingers playing with the soft curls. He smirks and nuzzles his nose against yours.

“Oh, I was, I just didn’t know it yet.” Leaning down he pecks your lips softly. “I’ve been meaning to tell you so many times, but I didn’t want it to ruin our friendship. Though I was growing impatient these last few years.”

“Yeah?” you chuckle.

“You can’t imagine,” he huffs shaking his head. I almost kissed you the other day in the kitchen, but Gemma completely ruined the moment.”

“I’m sorry I ran away, I was just—“ “No need to apologize. I guess it all played out well after all, right?” he smirks and you can’t help but chuckle.

“I guess,” you breathe out and the smile slowly fades from your lips. “And now what?” you ask quietly, staring up at him.

“Now… We’ll try to make things work. Test the waters. I’m very serious about this, Y/N,” he tells you. “I’ve been waiting for this my whole life so I’m not gonna let go of you now.”

“You have no idea how happy this is making me,” you choke out feeling the tears forming in your eyes.

“Oh Love, please don’t cry,” he begs and leaning down he kisses your tears away. “I’m right here, with you. Sorry it took me so long you get here, but I’m here now.”

“I know,” you huff blinking away the tears as you pull him down and press your lips to his. “I love you, Harry,” you whisper against his perfect lips. You feel him exhale sharply as he keeps kissing you before he lifts his head so your eyes meet again.

“I’ve always loved you.”

 Thank you for reading, let me know what you thought about it!

[helloalycia]

lose you [two] // leigh shaw

summary: following her kiss with you, Leigh begins to act unfairly towards you and says something she instantly regrets.

warning/s: none i don't think?

author's note: only one more part after this! hope you’re all liking it, and if you’re not an elizabeth fan, i’ve got a kara danvers two parter coming up after this so stay tuned! also the lena imagine part three one is still in the works, so don’t worry, i haven’t neglected it!

part one | part three | masterlist | wattpad

Leigh had ghosted me before. She'd done it on and off throughout the first six months following her husband's death, unable to maintain contact when she barely had energy for herself. And I was patient, always, because that's what she needed. But this was different.

Her absence in my life was nothing to do with her grief, but rather the kiss she gave me the day I decided to take her out. It just had to be that, otherwise she was merely being ignorant and I knew she wasn't that harsh without reason.

Whenever I texted or called her, it wasn't with the intention of talking about what happened. She hadn't brought it up and I didn't want to pressure her into speaking about it, especially if it was a mistake (which, selfishly, I hoped it wasn't). I just wanted to hang out with her like we used to, but she was giving me blunt responses or claiming she was busy. It was like she was doing her utmost best to push me away and I couldn't take it anymore.

After about two weeks, she simply stopped responding to my texts. Her 'busy' life was keeping her from even acknowledging my contact and that was when I couldn't put up with it any longer. This wasn't about grieving or needing space, this was about her avoiding me for something she did.

On my day off, I headed over to Beautiful Beast, Leigh's mother's fitness studio where she worked. When I arrived, Jules was sat at the front desk, wiggling a pencil before her eyes distractedly.

"You look like you're real hard at work there, Jules," I commented playfully, smiling at her as she paid me attention.

"I was testing out that whole rubber pencil trick," she said nonchalantly.

"And your conclusion?" I asked, leaning against the front desk.

She couldn't help but smile. "It's pretty cool."

I chuckled at how cute she was. "Good to know."

"So," she began, leaning back in her seat. "What can I do for you?"

"Well, I was hoping you could tell me if Leigh is in? I feel like I haven't seen her in a while."

Jules was about to respond, then her eyes fell behind me and she smiled. "Speak of the devil... there's your answer, Y/N."

I followed her gaze and realised the class that was going on in the studio had ended, with students leaving tired but happy. Leigh trailed out after them, using a sweat towel to wipe her face and push the loose strands of hair from her ponytail out of her face. She approached the desk, but upon spotting me, seemed surprised.

"Y/N," she said, rounding the desk to stand beside Jules. "You're here. Hi."

She was casual, unbothered by the fact that she'd clearly been ignoring me the past few weeks. I decided not to question it, instead offering her a small, awkward smile.

"Hey," I greeted with a nod. "I was hoping to catch you. Are you, er, busy?"

She avoided my eyes as she lowered her sweat towel, now grabbing her water bottle from the desk and busying herself with it.

"I mean, I've got class in an hour," she said with a shake of her head.

"Perfect. Maybe we can grab lunch and talk?" I asked, not giving her chance to decline since there was no reason to.

She furrowed her brows, feigning confusion. "Talk? About...?"

I pursed my lips, raising a brow with disbelief. She was seriously going to play it like this? Judging from the absent stare she was sending my way, she was. So, I glanced at Jules, who was back to distracting herself with her pencil and barely paying attention to what we were talking about, before looking back to Leigh.

"About things...?" I settled on, knowing she'd know what I meant. "I haven't heard from you in a while."

Leigh scrunched her nose, shrugging apologetically. "I'm sorry, I'd love to, but I'm going to be practicing for my next class. Maybe not today."

I kissed my teeth with annoyance. "Hm. Okay, sure. Good luck with your class, I guess."

Rolling my eyes, fed up at her pretence, I said a quick goodbye to a half-listening Jules and left them both to it. I'd like to think Leigh would come to her senses and contact me, but maybe that was wishful thinking. Either way, it was certainly not thinking for now, so I tried not to let it bother me for the time being.

—

Waiting on Leigh to make first contact was probably not the brightest idea, since I was sure if it was up to her, she'd just ghost me forever. But I was stubborn and I wanted to make a point (clearly not a very good one since she still proceeded to ignore me...), so another week passed without speaking to one another.

The only reason I went over to her house one evening was because Jules asked for my help with something. Since I was a graphic designer, she'd asked me to help design the promotional material for this new set of classes she wanted to start at work. Of course I said yes – in the many years I'd befriended Leigh, I'd also befriended Jules. I was happy to help, even if it meant awkwardly bumping into Leigh.

When I arrived, I was greeted by Leigh and Jules' mum before being led to the dining-room with Jules to help her. I tried to hide the fact that I was subtly searching for Leigh around the house, genuinely wanting to make sure she was okay despite the radio silence on her end, when Jules seemed to notice.

"She's not here," she said, making me look to her, embarrassed I'd been caught out. "She's on some date."

I raised my eyebrows, nodding. "Oh. Cool."

It shouldn't have bothered me – Leigh had been on a handful of dates in the past month, attempting to move on – but it did. Maybe it was because I foolishly thought our kiss meant something to her, since she initiated it. Clearly not, since she was already moving on. It didn't help that she couldn't just act normal with me if it meant nothing to her. No time for her best friend but time for dates with random people? Not cool.

"Did something happen with you two?" Jules asked whilst starting up her laptop.

I hid my panic with confusion. "What do you mean? Did she, er, say something?"

Jules shook her head, leaning on the palm of her hand as she glanced at me. "No, nothing. I just thought I'd ask since I haven't seen you around with her lately. Thought maybe you'd fallen out or something."

So she hadn't told her sister what happened. Maybe she really did want to forget about it.

"No, she's just been busy I guess," I mumbled in response, before pulling my memory card out my bag. "Forget that anyway. Let's see what we can do with your promo stuff, huh?"

Leigh long-forgotten, I showed Jules the designs I'd come up with for her banners and posters, which she was super excited about, and got to work. We mocked up some promotional material for her to get printed soon and she talked me through what she had in the works which was adorable since it was great to see her invested in everything. She'd come a long way from rehab and it was refreshing to witness.

We snacked so much whilst working that by the time I finished, I knew I wouldn't need to eat dinner. Jules' mum offered, but we were stuffed and it was getting late.

"If you need anything else, just let me know," I told Jules as I grabbed my bag to leave. "If you want anything changing, also let me know."

She gave me a thumbs up and a grin. "You got it, chief. Thanks again. I know you have an actual job to do an–"

"Don't do that," I stopped her with an amused smile. "I'm always happy to help you out."

She nodded appreciatively. "Well, thanks. I'll let you go."

I waved goodbye to her before shouting a goodbye to her mum and heading to the door, letting myself out. Only, when I opened the door, I squealed awkwardly upon seeing Leigh making out with some random guy on the porch. The uncontrollable noise that escaped my lips was enough to pull them apart with a start.

"Y/N," Leigh got out with shock, wiping her mouth and clearing her throat. "What are you– what?"

Still dumbfounded, I swallowed hard and looked away. "I– er– sorry to interrupt. I'm just gonna– mhm."

Closing the front door behind me, I quickly walked around the pair and began to leave, trying not to let my surprise, hurt and irritation build up inside of me. It wasn't my business if she kissed somebody else. It was her life – she could do whatever she wanted.

"Wait, Y/N!" I heard her call and winced at the sound.

Pretending not to hear her, I picked up my pace and finally made it to my parked car, fumbling for my keys in my bag under the dimly-lit streetlamp.

"Y/N, wait up!" she called again, and I risked looking up to see her approaching my car quickly, eventually stopping by my side.

Now that I had a better look, I saw that she was dressed up beautifully for her date, wearing a black dress that accentuated her curves and high heels that dared anybody not to stare. Though, when I met her gaze, I saw her ruined red lipstick and was reminded of the stranger she'd just been making out with.

"It's cool, I'm sorry," I repeated, shaking my head and wishing I could feel my keys in my bag already. "I didn't mean to interrupt."

"It's not like that," she said breathlessly, holding her jacket and watching me carefully.

Finally finding my keys, I pulled them out and unlocked my car. "Not like what?" I asked, glancing at her with a tight jaw. "You can go on dates, Leigh. It's not my business."

Her expression softened. "Then why are angry?"

"I'm not angry," I said, before realising it was a little more hostile than I intended. "Look, forget it. Just enjoy your stupid date. I've got to go."

Before I could open the door, she grabbed my arm and pulled me back, eyes darkened with annoyance.

"What's your problem?" she asked impatiently.

I shook her off me and widened my eyes with disbelief. "Are you serious right now? You followed me!"

"Yeah, because you're clearly pissed at something!" she snapped, crossing her arms. "What's your problem?"

For once, I wasn't going to put up with her bullshit mood swings. It wasn't fair how she was treating me and I was going to do something about it.

"You're my problem, Leigh," I admitted with a glare. "I've been waiting for you to call or text or make some freakin' effort to acknowledge my existence, but as usual, nothing. And then to top it all off, I find out you're on some date when you can't even find a spare second to text your best friend that you're okay!"

She scoffed. "Sorry I have a life, Y/N."

Clenching my jaw, I pushed down the anger that was bubbling up inside. She looked so smug, like she'd done absolutely nothing wrong in this scenario, and it was pissing me off.

"You know what? Never mind," I gave up, releasing a shaky breath. "You clearly don't get it."

I tried to move around her and get into the driver's seat of the car, but she groaned loudly with petulance.

"Why the hell were you even here anyway?!" she asked, like she had the right to. "Couldn't you leave me alone for one night?"

I tried not to laugh. "Don't flatter yourself, love. If you'd actually bothered to talk to me, you'd know I was here to help Jules with her posters."

"Sorry that I thought that you couldn't leave me alone for two minutes," she said with a bitter smile. "It's like you don't even know how to function without me in your life."

I clenched my fists with frustration. "Wow, Leigh, big-headed much?"

She laughed dryly, shaking her head. "I kiss you once and now you won't leave me the hell alone!"

Leigh and I had been in so many arguments before this one – it's like they were inevitable with her – but I'd put up with them. I'd let her yell and call me names and treat me like shit because I knew she didn't mean it, it was a heat of the moment thing. But something was different this time. Her words stung a lot more than they should have, especially when they were delivered by somebody I thought I was in love with.

I unclenched my fists and scowled at her. "Go fuck yourself."

Not bothering to wait for her response, I ignored the way her expression changed into one of regret and guilt. I ignored her as she tried to tell me to wait. And I ignored her as her she knocked on my window when I got into the car. I didn't spare her a glance as I drove away, feeling tears prick the corner of my eyes.

Leigh Shaw could be such a bitch sometimes.

—

"Y/N, you've got a–"

"Whatever it is, I'll sort it," I reassured my new assistant. Ever since my promotion, it felt strange to have somebody work for me, but I was slowly getting used to. "Go have your break, Taylor! You've not moved from this seat all day."

Taylor smiled bashfully but nodded. "Okay. Thanks a lot."

I gave her a reassuring smile as I watched her leave. I'd just finished a long meeting with a client and couldn't wait to get to my office and procrastinate for a bit before getting on with some work. Only, when I opened the door, I was surprised to find someone sat in the seat in front of my desk. Maybe that's what Taylor was trying to tell me. 

"Hello, can I help you?" I called politely, closing the door and stepping inside.

"I like the new digs."

I froze, smile fading when the stranger stood up and turned around. It was Leigh and I wasn't sure how she'd gotten here, but I wasn't dealing with her right now.

it had been a few days since we'd argued and she'd been trying to get in touch, but I completely blocked her number. It wasn't a permanent decision, but rather a temporary solution to a problem I wasn't in the headspace to deal with right now.

Every time I thought about Leigh or what she'd said, I felt so angry and fed up. She had no right to treat me how she did or make me feel like this when it was her fault. Blocking her was the easiest bet until I decided how to deal with everything. Clearly she hadn't gotten the hint though, since she was waiting for me in my office.

"How did you get in here?" I asked through gritted teeth, trying not to roll my eyes at the stupid smile on her face.

"Your new assistant let me in," she said as I headed to my desk, before adding comically, "She definitely has a crush on you by the way."

I narrowed my eyes at her from across the desk. "You need to leave."

Her humour disappeared, as did her smile, when she met my gaze with remorseful eyes. "I just want to talk."

I shook my head, looking down. "No, this isn't the place for this. And I've heard everything you had to say, Leigh."

"Y/N, please," she pleaded, stepping forward. "I want to apologise."

With a stern stare, I said, "Go."

"Please, just hear me–"

"No!" I erupted with anger, making her jump at the volume of my voice. "You don't get to do this! Not now, not here!" Swallowing the lump in my throat and trying to hide the hurt in my voice, I nodded to the door. "Just get out. After all, I wouldn't want you thinking I'm obsessed with you."

She pressed her lips together and looked down to her fumbling hands with guilt. It was quiet, though the air between us screamed with unspoken words. I hated this so much, the arguing, the anger, the resentment. But I wasn't giving in this time. She'd gone too far and she had to learn that her actions had consequences. She couldn't just get away with it. She had to respect my space.

"I'm sorry," she said gently, looking up with a genuine expression.

I clenched my jaw and said nothing as I waited for her to leave. Finally, she pursed her lips before turning around and going. When the door closed behind her, I let out a breath and sank into my chair, feeling exhausted at the short conversation. I wasn't ready to talk to her yet and I wished she'd just respect that.

Following that, I made sure to tell Taylor when she came back from her break to not let Leigh into my office until further notice. Or rather, not let her upstairs until further notice. She wasn't allowed to bother me in my workplace just because she felt bad.

Of course, not letting her in only meant I received more calls. Especially since I blocked her number, so she deemed it appropriate to call my work phone. Every time Taylor came into my office to let me know it was Leigh, I had to tell her to tell Leigh I was busy and end the call. And the times when I wasn't there, I had several messages from Leigh to reply to. It got to a point where I had to temporarily block her number from work, too. It was the only way to have some space without completely flipping out on Leigh.

One day though, Leigh decided to pay me a visit. She was resilient, I'd give her that much.

Taylor asked me what I wanted for lunch when I said I was in the mood to go out and eat and she could join me if she wanted to. She agreed and we both made our way to the bottom floor before leaving the building. But then I saw Leigh hovering about outside the front door, approaching me as soon as she spotted me.

Already rolling my eyes, I tried to sidestep her, but she was adamant on being a pain in my arse.

"Leave me alone, Leigh," I told her tiredly.

"They won't let me in and you've been avoiding my calls," she said, a little peeved. "What were you expecting?" Her eyes flickered to Taylor, who seemed awkwardly stuck between our bickering. Rather rudely, she asked, "Can I help you?"

Taylor didn't know what to say as I glared at Leigh harshly.

"Don't be a bitch just because you're pissed at me," I insulted, before looking Taylor apologetically. "D'you think you can give us a minute, Taylor? This won't take long."

Taylor nodded, glancing between Leigh and I. Leigh had her arms crossed, focusing a hard stare on Taylor as she walked away. When she was out of earshot, I lightly poked Leigh in the shoulder to get her attention.

"That's not fair," I muttered angrily. "She didn't do anything to you."

Leigh glanced towards her again before looking to me questioningly. "Where are you even going with her?"

I squinted at her judgementally. "If you must know, we're getting lunch. It's that time of the day in case you couldn't tell."

Leigh uncrossed her arms and straightened up. "So, what? This is a date?"

I furrowed my brows. "What? No! What are you–?" I glared at her. "This is none of your business!"

"Well, if it's not, you're definitely gonna give her the wrong impression," Leigh stated with a shrug. "She has a crush on you. Is that even allowed since you're her superior an' all?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose to contain my frustration, before meeting her spiteful green stare.

"If you came here to give me your unsolicited opinions, I don't want them," I said under my breath, making sure passers-by on the street couldn't hear us. "Now, leave me alone."

Her spite dispersed and was replaced with guilt. "Wait, no, I–"

"No, Leigh," I told her firmly, eyes silently pleading for her to give me some space. "You have to stop this."

Green eyes searched mine desperately, but I didn't have time for this, so I left her standing there as I rejoined Taylor and hoped lunch would help me forget about Leigh and her impatience.

"Sorry about that," I said to Taylor when I rejoined her side.

Taylor smiled reassuringly as we began to walk. "It's okay, don't worry about it." It was quiet, before she spoke up again. "Do you mind if I say something a little out of place?"

I looked to her curiously. "Er, sure?"

"I obviously don't know the specifics of what happened between you and your girlfriend, but–"

"Girlfriend?" I interrupted with raised brows. "Taylor, Leigh and I– we aren't–"

She seemed to catch on, eyes wide with embarrassment. "Oh! I'm so sorry! I just thought– well, she's very persistent and I thought that maybe you were together and in a lover's spout or something."

Heat crept up my neck as I loosened my collar. "No, nothing like that. She's just a friend."

Breathing out, Taylor said, "Oh. Well, I mean, I guess my advice still applies. She seems to really care about you."

I snorted. "She has a funny way of showing it."

Taylor smiled. "I know. My boyfriend is the same. We once had an argument and he did the same thing your Leigh is doing. Wouldn't stop bothering me. At home. At work. I let my stubbornness get to me and didn't want to hear him out."

I pursed my lips, glancing at her. "What did you do?"

She laughed like it was obvious. "I heard him out."

That didn't sound like an option for me right now.

"She doesn't respect my personal space," I explained to Taylor, glad to have someone to vent to. "She did some... hurtful things. I'm not making it easy for her."

"Clearly," Taylor noted with amusement. "Look, that's just my experience. But all I'm saying is that your friend Leigh seems to care about you a lot. To the point that she'd glare daggers at your very unavailable assistant."

Goddamn Leigh and her ability to embarrass me even when she wasn't here.

"Thanks, Taylor," I said appreciatively. "I'll have a think about it."

She nodded knowingly. "Anytime."

I definitely wasn’t ready to hear Leigh out yet, I knew that much.

[lovclyboncs]

Everything I Wanted 2/2 (F!Reader x Todoroki)

soulmate Au! Where your soulmate tattoo appears on your wrist after you touch your soulmate for the first time.

F!reader x Todoroki

F!Reader x Bakugou (brotp)

Plot: the reader is Todoroki’s soulmate. Todoroki rejected reader because he thought he was in love with Momo and didn’t want to let fate dictate his life. Now the two of them have a conversation that was long over due.

Part one

Before getting on with the story I want to give a huge thanks to everyone who reblogged and liked part one, it means the world to me that there is people out there who enjoyed my writing, and a big thank you to @dillybuggg and to @power-house-fan12 for encouraging me to write another part sending so much love to you guys!!! 💗💗💗

“Someday?”

“Someday.”

"Todoroki-san, I met my soulmate."

"oh."

" I think we should come clean to our classmates, i really want to see where this goes"

Todoroki couldn’t blame her. They were foolish to think their puppy love could stand strong against fate.

Todoroki and Momo had been walking on eggshells around each other during their first year at UA. They were attracted to each other even though they weren’t each other’s destined partner. Trust them they checked, they had been so hopeful only for it to crumble when their left wrists were still void of black Ink even after they had their first kiss.

They had been laying low with their blossoming relationship until the fateful day Shoto and (y/n) first touched.

Shoto didn’t know what to think of (l/n). She didn’t stand out as a person or a hero in training, so when they were paired up on a project there seemed to be a never ending silence between them, with his lack of social skills and her lack of- well everything they didn’t even know where to begin. After a couple of awkward questions about what they wanted to do, they were able to get started, and he thought then that (l/n) wasn’t so bad, but when he dropped his pencil and they both reached for it, that’s when it all went south. He remembers the stinging feeling he felt on his wrist and couldn’t help flinching at the uncomfortable sensation.

He didn’t need to look at his wrists to know what had happened and he didn’t need to think twice before grabbing his things and giving a quiet excuse for his sudden need to be very far away from (l/n).

It wasn’t until he was locked away safely in his room that he dared look at his wrist, and there it was in bold black ink, in a surprisingly illegible yet legible font, how does someone achieve that? ‘(Y/n) (l/n)’.

He’s not quite sure how long he stared at it, but he knows that by the time he was able to organize his thoughts there were birds chirping out side welcoming the new day.

He had rejected her.

She had been okay with it.

He didn’t tell Momo who his soulmate was, but he did tell her that he didn’t want to continue hiding their relationship. What was stopping them from sharing their happiness with the rest of the class? Momo believed they would be looked down on for not waiting on their soulmates. It wasn’t common for people to date anyone who wasn’t their soulmate, it was even more uncommon to reject a soulmate, but look at him, he did it and he was perfectly fine- they were perfectly fine.

Momo was the one who came up with the idea to draw on their soulmate tattoos, unaware of the fact that there already was a name on Todoroki’s wrist, unaware of the pain she was causing to that other half.

Coming clean to their classmates had gone surprisingly well, and Todoroki wasn’t sure how he felt about that, about that fact that (y/n) didn’t yell or question him on the why.

Why had he lied?

Why had he covered her up like she was something not worth looking at?

Why did he rub his relationship in her face?

Why not give them a chance if he was gonna chase something temporary?

Instead she had looked him in the eyes and gifted him a soft smile.

After everyone had scattered around the common area after their announcement, Todoroki decided to sit outside and take a breather.

He couldn’t help but sigh.

Thinking back to the day he and (y/n) first touched, he wished he hadn’t been such a coward.

He wished he had given her a chance to speak, because looking back now he realized that he did all the talking, he called all the shots not giving her a say in the matter.

She followed his wishes and yet he can’t help but want to be selfish and take it all back.

He had been wrong to think she had been lacking anything because she was everything. She was perfect to him, for him.

He couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped him.

Fate had told him she was his, a gift from the universe to cherish and like a spoiled brat he threw it away, ruined it. ‘Seems to run in the family’, he thought bitterly.

(Y/n) (L/n) was everything he wanted and he didn’t deserve her.

The worst part was that the person who helped him realize that was the hotheaded blonde of 1-A (now 2-A).

He was the one who brought out the best in (y/n) or maybe the only one who had bothered to listen, who had bothered to truly see her.

Todoroki couldn’t help but resent him for it yet he was grateful, because without Bakugou pushing her to open up, he would have never realized that he had shut the door on something beautiful without opening it.

“Why are you out here? Curfew is in 20 minutes” he heard her soft voice.

He didn’t reply and he felt her sit beside him on the stairs.

And there was silence.

What could he possibly say now?

Im sorry? That seemed too shallow

“It’s okay you know?” She began.

He finally listened.

“I’ll be honest, it had hurt- you had hurt me when you shut me out without giving me a chance to prove myself worthy of being on your wrist. I questioned if it had been something I did, something I didn’t do, or if it had been my appearance that had caused you to utter those words. Bakugou told me that it shouldn’t be something I beat myself over, that if it had been me that you would have told me, but you didn’t. You just told me that your heart belonged to another”

She stopped and finally looked at him, and he at her.

“ Im sorry things between you two didn’t work out how you wanted them to-” she had began, but he didn’t let her finish.

“Don’t. It’s not your fault, it’s mine. I thought I knew what I wanted and if I’m being honest I think I just wanted to be able to choose at least one thing for myself.” He said without thinking, it was time he stopped hiding from the truth, the selfish truth he hid under his not so pure love for Momo.

“Ever since I was born I have been nothing but a tool for my father. The just right child with the just right quirk. I wasn’t allowed to spend time with my siblings, I wasn’t allowed to play, I wasn’t allowed to make my own decision. It was always my father, and then I found out I wasn’t able to choose who I wanted to be with because apparently fate did that, so I would question what it is that I got to decide for myself

because if fate and my father made the decisions then what was I left with? What part of my life was actually mines for the taking?” He looked at the ground unable to continue meeting her eyes.

“So even if it’s not enough I do apologize, (y/n), for thinking so selfishly that I didn’t take into consideration the fact that you didn’t choose me either and that I didn’t try to make it easier for the both of us” he said clenching his fist to keep some sort of anchor on his mess of emotions.

Todoroki felt a small hand (or at least smaller that his own) lay on top of his own.

“Maybe we’ve both been going about this the wrong way? So what if we have each other’s name on our wrist? that doesn’t mean we should get married next week” (y/n) said in an attempt to lighten his load, to let him know that he didn’t need to beat himself over it just like she didn’t need to.

“ let’s just start as friends and see how things go and then maybe someday who knows” she shrugged her shoulders casually and flashed him a smile.

Todoroki looked at her and she at him.

He relaxed his hand that was underneath her and let himself hold her hand.

“Someday?” He asked

“Someday” she grinned.

(Y/n) cleared her throat and held her hand out for a handshake making him raise an eyebrow

“Hi my name is (y/n) (l/n) let’s be friends”

“I’m Shoto Todoroki, and I would like that very much”

“ I’m Aizawa, the teacher and you two need to get to bed”

“Yes sir!”

[sparklingsad]

title: solace in solitude (one shot)

characters: baji x fem!reader, chifuyu, mentions of kazutora, mikey, draken, and mitsuya

prompt: You have always found solace in solitude, but how can one person change everything that you've ever known?

genre: fluff, angst

warning: contains spoiler from the manga, don't read you are still emotionally unwell because of the latest tokyo rev episode (21). take care of your mental health you guys <33

p.s: it's a bit long :')) but please read through the end :)

a/n: Hello everyone! I'm feeling a bit sappy today because of the latest tokyo rev episode :')) let's all suffer together shall we? I was actually working on the part 4 of my series fic but I accidentally deleted the whole thing, and got annoyed, so here I am now with a one shot for you guys. Sorry this is angsty baji again, but this prompt has been on my mind ever since I made it past chap 67 on the manga of tokyo rev. I also saw @tomanjxro reblogged @lila-skies prompt-ish so it pushed me to write something of a version that I have thought of way back. I hope this does not disappoint <3

If someone would ask you how you found most of the good things in your life, you could probably say you found them when you were alone.

You met your decade-long best friend while waiting for your parents to pick you up in elementary school when you mistakenly added 2 hours to your original dismissal time. You have found the cutest little pup that became your pet when you got lost looking for your friend's house. Your family's favorite diner is the restaurant where you stayed until they have found you after getting separated from them at the mall -- your family ate at the place to celebrate finding you after a couple of hours.

With this, you have never thought that being alone is a pity. In fact, you let yourself immerse in the bliss that solitude brings you as you grow older.

-------------------------------------------------------

Just like one of those days, you were once again alone. Doing library duties was hated by a lot of the students in your school. Organizing books, attending to return cards, updating the library database -- these are all boring tasks that no one wants to take so most of those who are assigned on library work leaves without hesitation after the 3:30 pm mark hits the clock. Meanwhile you, you partially stay to finish all the work and selfishly enjoy the serenity of an empty library.

Or so you thought.

When it is about 4 pm, a bunch of seniors dropped by their overdue books into the library and of course, it is your responsibility to return them to their proper bookcases.

You pulled out the book trolley and started loading all of the books that have been returned and trudged your way onto the furthest part of the library where science books like zoology are meant to be placed.

Just as when the silence is almost deafening due to the decreasing number of people, you heard pieces of paper being torn accompanied by small grunts.

Curious to what could have been staying in this part of the library, you tried to peek from behind a huge bookcase only to see a guy with slicked-back hair gelled to perfection, a low ponytail, and a definitely intimidating big pair of glasses.

I didn't know someone this serious exists in this school, you thought.

Scared that you might disturb his peace as he intensely scribbles words on his paper, you try to cough to get his attention.

"Um, I'm sorry to disturb your study session but I have to place these books back into this bookcase beside you," you tried to explain to him.

He did not even flinch a bit when you suddenly spoke. Instead, he gave you a polite nod (too formal if you were to say) and continued writing into his notebook.

With his actions, your curiosity just grew more of this student that is new into your eyes. While trying to put back the encyclopedias and journals into to bookcase, you can't help but steal a few glances at what he was writing.

"Um, I'm sorry but I think you have missed a few letters here," you interrupted him.

"rendevou", you pointed out.

"It should have been 'rendezvous'," you corrected him.

"Oh, is that so," he shoved his head towards the notebook and narrowed his eyes to the one you pointed out.

"Thanks!"

He flashed you a smile so wide that you forgot that it's almost 5 hours past midday.

"Y-yeah." and you let out a small smile.

You were caught by surprise at how nice he is, compared to the demeanor that his whole look is emanating.

To brush off the seemingly surprising interaction, you tried to move to the further bookcases and continue your duties, but he suddenly calls to you.

"Hey, uh,"

His gaze is switching between you and his paper.

"Can ya please help me with this one too?" he politely asks, his head almost as low as a bow.

"O-oh, yeah sure."

You slowly walked towards him.

"What'd ya think of this one?" he immediately asked after you stood beside him.

You looked closely into it. 'clandestine' it says

"I think you did this one just fine!" you said proudly.

"Woah. Really? Wow I'm really learning, aren't I? Thanks!"

Right after helping him, you proceeded to finish your duties. You wanted to be home by 6 to do all the homework you have.

Just as you left his side he looked at you and offered you a hand.

"Hey, I think I can help ya with that," and there it is again, the smile he gave you earlier, and you gave him a small 'thanks'.

As you both busy yourselves sorting out the remaining books on the trolley, you suddenly remembered something vital that you forgot.

Oh, I haven't asked his name yet.

"Say--," you started as you place each book neatly in between the others.

"I haven't asked your name yet," and you gave him a look.

He looks a bit surprised by the sudden asking so you took the prerogative to move the conversation,

"Oh, sorry. It was rude of me to ask yours when I haven't said mine. I'm y/n, l/n. Nice to meet you!" you handed over your hands to him and he reached for it.

"Baji,"

"Baji?" you repeated.

"Keisuke Baji"

"Oh, it's Baji then."

"Nah. Keisuke is fine."

"Well, let me tweak it up a bit if you are that generous," you flashed him a smile.

"Kei it is then!"

---

Not after a while of organizing the books, both of you finished the school bell ring. It is already the 5 o'clock mark.

"Oh seems like that's me for today," Baji said as he started to pick up his own things from the table near the bookcase.

"Thanks for helping me today, y/n! It was nice meeting ya!" Then without another word he left and ran towards the library door.

Just like that, he was gone and silence is all there was with you.

At that moment you realized that company isn't that bad at all.

----------------------------------------------------------

For the following days, you tried to find out who Keisuke Baji is. And as if lady luck is on your side, you saw him in Class 3 the other day when you've handed out the class president the flyers for the upcoming school festival. He even gave you a small wave from across the classroom that wasn't gone unnoticed by his classmates.

Your cheeks were dusted with rose from this small gesture because you had not expected that he would take notice of you so far as giving a warm gesture like that. Aside from this, there are a bunch of eyes staring at you that made you uncomfortable because of the attention.

That similar day, you're on your library duties like always sorting here and there when you came across him again in the same spot.

"Oh Ke--" you turn to a halt when you saw that he is not alone.

A blonde guy with a piercing on his left ear is also sitting beside him as they scribble down words onto their paper.

"O-oh, sorry I didn't notice," you apologize immediately as they both turn their heads to you.

"Oh wait, y/n!" he called you and you felt a tug on your cardigan.

You turned to him but you were taken aback at how close his face is to yours. You can feel your heart drumming against your chest as you are looking at his face from this distance.

Just what is this feeling?

"Hey y/n, ya okay?" he called your attention noticing you suddenly took a pause.

"Ah yeah I am. I'm sorry for disturbing your study session here," you removed your glasses and start to wipe them to brush off your embarrassing action.

"It's all cool y/n! No need to worry," he reassured you with a smile.

"This guy here's my best friend! Matsuno Chifuyu from class 2," he dragged his friend in front of you and presented him proudly like a work of his.

"O-oh, Chifuyu. Nice to meet you, I'm y/n l/n from class 5!" you said back.

"Class 5.." Chifuyu looked up,

"Oohhh, you must be one hell of a smartass if you're taking advanced classes y/n-chan," he amusingly said.

"Well, I guess I'm just pretty earnest in studying that's all, " you humbly said.

"Say, you wanna grab some peyoung yakisoba? All of this math's making my head hurt,"

"I'm definitely in Baji-san!!" Chifuyu exclaimed

"Oi Chifuyu, I'm not talking to you. Of course we'll split it, you dumbass." he scoffed

"I'm talking to y/n," and then he proceeds to look at you.

Without hesitation, you immediately agreed as if you have always been sure of what to answer.

"That's it then, let's get going!" he grabbed you by the hand and proceeded to a nearby konbini outside the school.

When your yakisoba's had been thoroughly cooked, you all sat down in a small stall inside the place, but before you started eating Baji removed his glasses and his ponytail.

You stopped your eating and looked at him a bit longer than you're supposed to.

"Uh, y/n? Is everything alright?" he said as he slurped the noodles.

"Ah, yeah!" you said surprised to his sudden asking.

"I was just surprised about--" and you gestured to his face and his hair as if you're incapable of using words to explain the situation.

"Oh, this?" he asked.

"That's what you get for pretending to be a poindexter Baji-san," Chifuyu said as he reaches for the yakisoba from Baji's hands.

"Poindexter?" you asked, confused.

"Yeah, I thought he was a poindexter when I saw him back in middle school, turns out he doesn't wanna make his momma cry for getting held back again so he decided to go to school with that getup," Chifuyu trailed off as he gulped down his snack.

"Oi Chifuyu that's enough! I've been trying my hardest 'kay?" he said unamused and his arms crossed.

"Though I think I look better when I look smart don't I?" he said with a playful and conceited tone.

"Oh, actually if you're more comfortable looking like this would it help if I say I like your hair down better?" you smiled at him, the brightest and most genuine you had ever given.

He almost choked on his yakisoba with your sudden comment, he clears his throat and looked down so his raven locks can hide the obvious embarrassment on his face as you made him fluster

"Yeah, yeah. I guess so," he said back and things fell a bit silent as you all focused on eating.

The following days got you more excited. Actually, you're getting more company lately than you originally have, and it seems to brighten up your mood for the day. You enjoyed being with Baji and having a little study session in the library and after that, he would help you with your duties. There are other times that you spend some time on the school rooftop and play with the stray cats that seemed to be his friends. Chifuyu sometimes drops by and hand over some yakisoba that you all enjoy as the day comes to an end. There is even a time that Baji walked you home because you got too immersed in teaching him English that it was almost 6 by the time that you left school. You refused his offer, but he insisted on sending you home.

"Thanks for walking me home, Kei! I hope you do well on the exam tomorrow!"

"That's nothing. I have the best teacher don't I?" and he flashed that signature grin, with the sharp canines and all, but he did not look intimidating --not even a bit. He has a smile so bright it could put the sun and the moon to shame, and you loved every second of it.

"A'right, I'm gonna go now! Get some rest y/n!" and he ruffled your hair like a small child.

So when Baji's nowhere to be found around the campus, and neither is Chifuyu to ask where Baji is, you can't help but feel a little glum inside.

This wasn't like you anyway --constantly looking for people to be with. But you can't lie to yourself when you feel that your days are emptier without that poindexter in the library.

After a week or so, you've been starting to get used to the silence that you once have cherished. Doing your daily duties in school without bumping into Baji had just been the usual.

Going on your usual routine, you're here again in this godforsaken library.

Since when did you learn to curse this place anyway?

Moving towards the end of it, you can't help but remember the happy times you've had in here with Baji and felt a slight pang in your heart, though it didn't appear on your face. So when you took a right turn after the last bookshelf and saw someone -- black long wavy locks, falling off the back of the chair as he leans his head into it --your face turned brighter.

"Kei!" you exclaimed happily as you trot towards him leaving the trolley behind.

"Yo, y/n. I didn't notice ya there," he said plainly.

"Oh it's fine. You should've called me if you're going to be here, Kei!" you enthusiastically said.

"Ah, it's fine. I'm not here to study anyway," he did not even try to lie about his situation.

"Oh, is that so," you said in a low voice.

"Yeah. A lot of things have been going in my mind lately. I just thought this place is quiet enough," he continued to explain.

"And yeah, sorry for being missing for a few weeks," he muttered an apology that sounded sincere but his mind was clearly not there.

"Yeah, it's alright," worry traced in your voice now.

"It's just my friends," he continued without batting an eye at you

"They're my treasure, and yet I don't know how to help them. I tried all that I could but I can't help, I feel like this is my endgame,"

"Kei.."

You don't know how to respond to what he said, and you also don't know what's going on. So you just let him continue talking about these conundrums and his friends.

The silence surrounding you both has been broken by the sudden ring on Baji's phone.

"Oh, Kazutora"

"Yeah."

"I'll be there."

After the exchange of a few words, he put down his phone and picked up his jacket.

"Yeah, I guess I gotta go now." he slowly stood up from his chair and tucked it underneath the table.

"Take care Kei!" a line that you obviously tried so hard to mask with enthusiasm.

As he is starting to head back to the entrance, he suddenly jogged back to you and peeked through the bookshelf.

"Hey y/n!" he called

"Yeah?"

"Think you can compile some notes for me before the finals arrive? Don't wanna make my mom cry again," he said with a pout.

"Oh, yeah sure!" you said surprised at how his demeanor has changed.

"That's set then!" and he trailed off,

"Oh and one more thing!" Baji said running back.

"Hm? What is it this time?" you asked him with your head titled.

"I'll take ya out for some peyoung after finals! My treat! See ya!"

And just like he was gone,

but he sure did leave a huge smile on your face.

After that moment with Baji in the library, you haven't seen him for 4 days now and he seems like he has been missing classes lately. It's less than a week before finals start, so by this time you have already compiled everything that you needed to review.

By all honesty, you worked hard and fast to finish this reviewer because you wanted Baji to immediately have it so you have a reason to see him.

God, how much you missed just being in his presence.

And on another note, he dropped some charm from his jacket the last time you saw him in the library, and it seemed to be important. So you kept it and wanted to surprise him when you give it back.

When classes ended and you left your room, you caught a glimpse of Chifuyu who was passing by the school. You tried to run after him and call his name but he doesn't seem to notice you as your distance is just far.

You decided that you'd just follow him until he stops and ask where Baji is so you can hand over the reviewer and the charm.

You followed Chifuyu for quite a time and your legs are already about to give out, and then he suddenly stops.

Your vision is a bit hazy since you're so exhausted from all the running and almost out of breath, but you managed to reach him by the back.

"Chifuyu--" you said while gasping for air.

"O-oh, y/n!" he was surprised at your sudden appearance.

"I've been chasing you for the last 30 minutes. How can you walk that fast? You a robot or something?"

"Oh, yeah anyway where's Baji?" you finally asked.

"He--" Chifuyu started.

Then suddenly he was cut off by someone

"Baji? You know Baji?" someone behind Chifuyu said.

"Oh Mikey--" Chifuyu tried to explain. But before he can finish his words you interject.

"Mikey?" you said.

"You're the Invincible Mikey?" you further probed.

"Oh, Draken too... Mitsuya...," you said while scanning their faces.

"You guys haven't changed much, didn't you? Except your hair got all longer just like Baji," and you let out a small laugh.

"You looked all adorable in that commemorative picture of yours,"

"Wait, how do you know us?" Mikey asked you.

"Oh well, about a few days ago Baji told me about you guys and showed me this," you tried to fish something out of your breast pocket.

"Here!" you exclaimed excitedly.

Mikey snatched the charm in your hand and opened it only to see their commemorative picture for founding Toman.

"He kinda dropped that before he left and I wasn't able to see him since so yeah.." you explained.

"So he's had it with him all this time.." Mikey said, voice solemn.

"Hmm, I guess so? Kei's always referred to you guys as his treasures," you flashed a smile at Mikey.

"Oh, where is Baji anyway? And why are we all standing he--"

Then you scanned your surroundings for the first time, only for a stone grave to appear when you faced right.

'Baji Family Grave' it spells.

Just there and then your enthusiastic demeanor was superseded by a horrified look, your voice is shaking but you tried to clear your voice.

"Oh, did someone from Kei's family passed away?" you were looking at them for affirmation but no one dared to meet your gaze. They are all looking down.

"That's the reason why he hadn't shown up in school yet right?"

"Right Chifuyu?" you asked again.

But when no one answered you, your tears already formed streams into your cheeks. Everything else faded as you looked down on the grave, filled with flowers, incense, and a half-eaten peyoung by its foot.

You sat there, in front of the grave, clutching onto the reviewers on your chest that you've made for him. You can only stare and say your prayers as much as you can, but nothing can bring him back.

And at that moment, once again, your world is turning into silence.

If someone would ask you how you found most of the good things in your life, you could probably say you found them when you were alone.

You met your decade-long bestfriend sitting by an empty waiting shed. You got the kindest, most adorable pup you have by wandering off the streets looking for your friend's home. You've found a homey diner that brings good memories because you were once lost, then found.

After all, you would not have met Baji and had all the good times with him if not for the afternoon that you were alone attending to your library duties.

But as others have said,

All good things must come to an end.

a/n: Woah thank you for making it this far and supporting my fic <3 I am always grateful for you guys for reading through my work :')) I'm sending love and hugs to all of you out there you bawled your eyes for baji :'))

[brainmaniaman]

Can you write a Daddy kink fic with Miche Zacharias (AOT), something with Angst then turns to Smut towards the end please. I am just in love with him.

title: again and again.

tags: daddy kink(?)(light), breeding kink(?), angst, smut

word count: 3,615

other notes: i don't usually write for mike but i really enjoyed writing this. i think this is my favorite fic i have written so far. i took a different spin on the daddy kink, i'm sorry. this isn't filthy so much as it is emotional?

seeing someone outside of the survey corps certainly wasn't illegal but it was considered taboo. why subject someone to a life of waiting around for their beloved to come home, only to savor the few days off that the survey corps even allowed. it was undeniably selfish. maybe that was the reason why people within the survey corps had a tendency to stick around each other - because who better understood the plights of a soldier sent out to die than another soldier just like them? just like everything else in mike's life, it just made sense. but selfishly, though, mike afforded himself one thing in his life that didn't make sense. you. a trail of goosebumps followed the path his hooked nose took down the side of your neck, leaving small shivers in its wake. if anything, mike was known for his keen sense of smell - a talent so sharp that it sometimes startled even him. in the field, his sense of smell was a strong asset. sometimes the strength of his smell was overwhelming to the point of giving him terrible, piercing, migraines that would shoot through his temple - especially if the scent was particularly unsavory so he had established a rule with himself: he'd only press his nose to someone once, to get a good gauge for who they were, and that was it. but with every rule, there was an exception. naturally, that exception was you. there wasn't anything special about the way you smelled - just like a plain person. sometimes, a sweet scent accompanied you - but that was because baths were a luxury afforded to noblewomen such as yourself. "do you have to leave?" it was a stupid question to ask and you knew it. his fingers trailed up the sides of your arms, causing small shivers to rocket down your spine. he pulled his head back from the side of your neck, resting his hands on either side of your face as he tilted your head up. your head craned upwards, the muscles in the back of your neck straining as your head tilted itself back a bit too far in an attempt to look upwards at him. "come on." was his only response. mike was never a man of many words. you knew this. in fact, you admired his carefulness and precision with words. "look, i know . . ." you, on the other hand? ever since you were little, you had a bit of a motor mouth. in fact, sometimes you talked so much it was hard for anyone else to get a word in edgewise. not that mike minded, though. he never really had much to say, and he liked to hear you talk. you were vibrant and full of life - a nice reminder that hope and happiness existed within the world. "it's just that . . . well - i don't want you to go!" you exclaimed. another stupid statement. of course you didn't want him to go. who wanted their lover to ride off to certain death? "what if you get hurt when you leave? break a leg? or both legs? or worse -" anxiety was creeping on you, causing tension to pull at your shoulders. "or worse. what if you don't -" "shh." he hushed you by placing a sturdy index finger gently to your lips, politely silencing you. "you worry too much." not that he could blame you. in fact, if there was anything both you and mike shared it was a propensity for worry. he was just better at hiding it than you were. "i've always come back, haven't i?" it was his turn to make a stupid, hopeful, comment. he knew better than it, too. it was custom in the survey corps to not speak about returning home from an expedition unless you wanted to jinx it. mike had never been a superstitious person but this was one tradition from the survey corps he liked to carry. though the worry that glossed in your eyes and the stress that pulled at your muscles made him feel bad. so made an exception and broke tradition just this once, for you. there was a stiff silence between the two of you before your shoulders sagged downwards, relaxing a bit. "yeah . . ." you agreed with him. "you're humanity's second strongest, right? it's not for nothing. but i really think you should be given the title of humanity's first strongest." you were starting to work yourself up into a bit of a tizzy as his hands rested

on either side of your face, "it just doesn't make any sense to me. why would they give the title of humanity's strongest to someone who looks like a sickly child when they have someone like you right in front of them. it just -" mike dipped his head downwards, silencing you with his lips this time instead of his finger. "levi is a very capable man. i'd trust him with my life." mike interjected honestly as he pulled backwards, the palms of his hands gently pressing your cheeks a bit tighter. "but i don't want to talk about levi, or the impending expedition, or humanity's strongest or second strongest." mike was also a blunt man when it came to speaking his mind - but that was something you enjoyed as well. in truth, you didn't blame him for not wanting to talk about work on his off day. but you couldn't help it. you wanted to know about his day, his week, his dreams, his aspirations, especially given the fact that he talked so little about himself. "then what do you want to talk about?" you inquired curiously, furrowing your eyebrows together. "in truth?" mike's hands moved from the sides of your face, fingertips ghosting down the sides of your neck, and trailed themselves over your shoulders. his fingertips drug from your shoulders down your sides - causing you to squirm a bit. he couldn't help but let a smile quirk onto his lips. you had always been ticklish. "not much at all." mike's hands curled around your back, closing the gap between the two of you. for a second, you hesitated - not out of lack of want or desire for mike, but out of simple concern. you wanted to pull back and force him to talk about his day, his week, his month - to pry open his feelings and concerns. but the way his tongue gently pressed between your lips and into your mouth was both enticing and inviting. talking could wait. thick fingers calloused from years of hard labor and maneuvering ODM gear traced down your back, his hips pushing yours forward as he guided you several steps back. the back of your knees collided uncomfortably against the back of mike's military standard bed. the collision was uncomfortable, but not rough or rushed. instead, he drug his finger tips up to your shoulders, pressing you down into a sitting position. for a moment, mike lingered over you - leaving the two of you stewing in awkward silence as he blatantly stared. "do you not want to -" "i do." mike answered abruptly. "just -" his voice was raspy. "i need a moment." he wasn't normally compelled to stand in awkward silence or blatantly stare, as he was the type of guy to finish what he set out to do. however, something compelled him to linger in the moment for a bit. it felt like he was looking at you for the last time and the corners of your mouth turned downwards into a frown. you were never one to appreciate goodbyes - only "see you later's." "don't -" you rasped out, your chest heaving up and down, "- don't look at me like that. i hate it." the tall man dropped gently to his knees, carefully taking off your shoes before sliding his hands against your ankles, leaving goosebumps in the wake of his touch, pushing your skirt over your knees as he did so. as your breathing became progressively more shallow, mike couldn't help but crack a lopsided, half-hearted, smile as he used the palm of his hands to part your thighs, muttering out a simple, one-worded, apology. "sorry." the scruff from his trimmed beard and mustache scraped against the inside of your thighs as he peppered kisses to the inside of your thigh. your fingers curled into his hair, pulling at it a bit as his light kisses turned into gentle sucking, leaving a trail of small bruises. your fingers pulled at his hair, causing him to groan a bit. you were growing impatient as he continued to suck at the skin. your fingers trailed along his shoulders, tapping impatiently as his index fingers hooked onto the sides of your underwear, sliding them down your thighs and setting them to the side. "you're taking forever." his large hands gripped at your ankles, pushing them upwards so that you

toppled over onto your back. you let out sound of surprise as your back landed on the stiff mattress with a bounce. mike shifted forward on his knees, still tall enough to loom over the edge of the bed as he gripped at your thighs, pulling them over his broad shoulders so that your knees hung over his shoulders. "sorry." it was another short response, accompanied by a simple smile. his tongue trailed from the inside of your thigh again, dragging his tongue across your slit slowly. you let out an airy sigh, lower lip quivering a bit as he slowly dragged his tongue along your slit again, agonizingly slow before flatting his tongue against your clitoris, giving it a small flick with his tongue. his hands gripped on the outside of your thighs, holding you down as your body writhed with each flick and lick of his tongue. mike couldn't help but hum slightly as your thighs clenched around his face, squeezing as your heartrate began to increase. back arching, you couldn't help but choke out - "i'm - i'm -" he retracted his tongue, pulling himself onto his feet so that he could stand over you. you frowned at mike, looking upwards at him with furrowed, frustrated, eyebrows. again, mike only offered you a somewhat cheeky smile as he pulled himself over you, knees resting by your hips. carefully, he peeled your shirt off, throwing tossing it to the side, and your skirt followed shortly after, leaving you bare undeath him. as mike's head dipped downwards, peering at you from underneath his long bangs, you reached your hand up to trace your fingertips gently along his jawline. for a second, mike closed his eyes and pressed his cheek into the palm of your hand. you brought your fingertips to the edge of his shirt, ready to pull it up over his head, but for a second, you could see his chest quiver just a bit, almost as though something had gotten caught in his throat. "are you okay?" concern washed over you as your fingers curled against the hem of his shirt. "i'm fine." mike answered, trying to convince himself of his own lie. his large hands came to grip at your chest, thumb rolling around your nipples gently - giving them a slight pinch as you hesitantly began to pull his shirt upwards. eventually, mike raised his hands over his head, pulling his shirt off when you couldn't reach your hands any higher. for a moment, you let your fingers trail along his abdomen, feeling the skin which was pulled tightly over his muscle. though as your fingers traced from his abs up to his shoulders, you could feel the tenseness in his neck. along with the years of physical exercise that came with being a part of the survey corps came years of stress. "i can help you with that" it was your turn to give him a cheeky smirk as his thumbs continued to lazily roll over your nipples. as your fingers began to work at the belt that was wound tightly around his waist, mike dipped his head down - taking your right nipple between his lips, rolling his tongue around it and tugging at it with his lips as you finally were able to work his belt off of mike's hips. you carelessly tossed the belt to the side, your breath shaky as he continued to suck at your nipple - his calloused hand now working its way between your thighs. very gently, he rolled his right thumb over your clitoris as he used his left hand to remove your fingers from the hem of his pants, pinning your wrists above your hand. mike had never been a man of many words during sex, instead preferring to lead softly and wordlessly. his fingers stroked slowly at your clitoris, sliding between your lips - his eye contact so intense and direct it couldn't help but make you feel embarrassed. as his thumb rolled around your clitoris, his middle and index finger - which were now drenched in the slick wetness that accumulated between your legs - mike simply soaked in the image of you sprawled out naked beneath him, gasping, moaning, and panting. slowly, mike pressed his first finger into you. your face contorted into an expression of pleasure as he slid his first finger into you, sliding his finger in

and out of you, curling it so that it could hit that sweet spot inside of you that he was very familiar with. "mike -" you rasped out as your legs began to quiver, teeth coming down to bite at your bottom lip. "mike -" you rasped out again. his eyes peered down at you, letting the sound of your voice rasping his name sink into his head. quietly, he observed the way our chest rose and fell, noticing the quiver of your bottom lip as a familiar pleasure began to pool at the pit of your stomach. "mike -" it was almost as though he knew you like the back of his own hand. "mike, i'm trying -" so well, in fact, it kind of scared him. "- to talk to you." "huh?" mike phased back into reality, squinting downwards at you as his fingers still pumped and curled tactfully inside of you.. "what is it?" "what's -" your back arched, your muscles aching a bit, "- what's your dream?" mike's fingers came to a slow stop, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion - leaving you panting and heaving below him. "what do you mean?" "what -" you rasped out, coming down from what was essentially a second (but unintentional), edging. "- what do you want most in life? like when you go to bed at night . . . what do you dream of?" the questioned seemed out of the blue. for a second, he thought about dismissing the question with something basic. oh you know, for humanity to survive. to make a better place for all of the people in the world. but something compelled him to speak openly and honestly. "in truth?" mike asked, his voice a low rumble in his chest. after a moment of thought, mike began to work his pants off of his hips, followed by his boxes as he pulled you forward by the hips. his hand gripped the base of his erect cock, sliding it along your slit teasingly. "a life with you." you had opened your mouth to say something, but he was already lining the head of his dick at your entrance, pushing in gently - his right hand guiding himself inside and his left hand stroking at the side of your face. "but not just sexually." mike spoke, gently pushing his hips forward. slowly and carefully, he began to push himself inside of you. your gasped and wriggled at the feeling of his large cock uncomfortably filling you, but it was welcome. mike had always been uncomfortably large, which had always made rough sex and the aftercare that came with it more tedious of a process. his left hand stroked at the side of your face. "in every sense of the form. i want to wake up in the morning and see your face next to mine." mike spoke as he continued to slowly rock himself into your pussy with small, manageable, trusts, trying to work himself comfortably in. "and i want to do things with you. i want to see things with you. like did you know that outside, apparently there is a body of water so big that you can't see land on the horizon?" mike continued to slowly work himself into you, almost hitting the hilt, "i want to take you there. i want to take our kids there -" he paused for a second as the hilt of his cock pressed into you, "- because most of all, i want to be a father to your kids. our kids" mike's hands gripped at your shoulders as he began to thrust slowly, steadying himself by gripping your shoulders. your nose and the corner of your lips twisted as his thrusts became harder and less shallow, pushing deeper inside of you. calloused hands gripped at your outer thighs, lifting them upwards as mike tried to angle himself into you better. "because i want you to be a mommy. and i want to be a daddy. how does that sound? is that okay?" "yes - yes - oh, yes!" you exclaimed as his hips thrust into yours, cock sliding in and out of you. "i want to be a mommy so bad. i want you to be a daddy so bad." something about the word daddy rolling from your lips was enticing and endearing. his hips shoveled forward, hand pressing against the headboard with each thrust. "again." his right hand moved from gripping your leg, which had curled tightly around him - bracing yourself with each thrust, and curled around your face. "say it again." "what -?" you breathed

out airily, chest heaving. "daddy?" "yes." mike's fingers gripped at your face, squeezing the sides of your face as you sputtered, pushing himself deeper. the sound of his cock sliding in and out of you mixing with the sound of skin slapping on skin. "again." "daddy -" you choked out again, repeating it over and over in little rasps and moans strangling out with each thrust. there was a familiar pleasurable warmth pooling in the pit of your stomach, knotting and threatening to break. your moans caught in your throat, mouth contorting into various small shapes as his thrusts became more frantic and sloppy, losing its initial precision as he became needier and more desperate. your eyelids fluttered, eyes rolling back a bit as the tension in the pit of your stomach broke, cum rimming his cock moments before he reached his own orgasm. for a moment, mike stilled himself - his muscles tensing as he came too. mike rolled over onto his back, his chest heaving as his eyes hazily focused on the ceiling above him. "i can't wait to get back so we can do that again." mike breathed out. "and again." you added. "and again." mike repeated, wrapping his arm around your shoulders and pulling you closer.

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

the sun hung high over your head, your hand resting on your stomach as the survey corps trailed into the city, one by one. there had been a bit of news circulating town. you hadn't paid much mind to the whispers. only reached yourself upwards on your toes trying to peer over the head of the people who were lined on the sides of the street. at the bottom of the only cart being pulled laid a young boy with bandages around his eyes. you didn't pay much mind to him. "mike -" you called out over the crowd, pushing yourself to the front of the crowd. you placed your hand on the small bump forming on your stomach, a grin on your face as you looked around - ready to share great news. "mike!" a few soldiers looked at you then turned their heads downwards, almost as though they were too ashamed to look at you. "zacharias!" you called his last name - wondering how a tall man could be hiding from you so easily. the short line of soldiers continued to descend down the street. you followed each passing soldier with your eyes, quickly skimming each one of them. a short man stopped in front of you. "oh, captain levi." you spoke, tilting your head downwards to look at him. "i didn't think i'd see you among the recruits -" you seemed unbothered by your inability to find mike. "you look as sharp as ever. i'm not surprised to see you coming back, though - what with you being humanity's strongest and all." you were starting to ramble again. "i was wondering - do you know when humanity's second strongest is joining? i don't see mike among the crowd. is he set to come back a little later?" levi's eyes locked with your own before sliding down to your stomach, honing in on the noticeable bump. his jaw tensed, teeth gritting together before he looked away - almost as though he were ashamed of himself. quietly, he began to stoop down onto one knee. "mike zacharias fought -"

" - get . . ." you choked out, hands resting on your stomach. ". . . get off your knees. stand up." levi did not, though, and instead focused his gaze on your shoes, his jawline tense with guilt and shame.

"- valiantly."

[wandsandwheezes]

Assassini | G.W

Warnings // 3.5k // SMUT 18+, Sex, knife play, assassins, murder, attempted assassination??, contracts, ownership, breath play, begging.

A/N // Hi I am literally obsessed with assassins creed that is the only thing that prompted me to want to write this. this is not by any means my best work i just couldnt get the idea out of my head. that is all. thank you @gcdric​ for helping me as historically accurate as possible. 

Your chest heaved as you stepped through the opening double doors and into a stunning reception area; rolling stone walls and a beautiful glass ceiling that showcased the fantastic hues of the Florentine sunset. You knew what you had to do, after all you would have never taken on the task if it didn’t fall within your capabilities. You rubbed your hands together before smoothing out your dress, you felt a fool coming to a high-class party on your own, knowing that the image of a stunning and well presented lady such as yourself standing on her own was sure to cause a scene among men, but with such an important target you couldn’t afford to be chasing around or keeping a date in tow; there was simply too much to lose. 

Feeling the cool metal of the dagger sheathed against your thigh brought you back down to reality, your mind had begun to wonder of a life away from the horrors that came with the trade, what it was like to be a trophy wife on the arm of a wealthy man. That was not the life you had been blessed with, instead you spent your days between contracts, taking out whoever you needed to to get the pay, taking your prize gracefully before you were onto the next. People feared your ability to be able to take a life without remorse and without question, that was the reality of who you were; a cold blooded assassin. 

The latest contract had been practically shoved down your throat, only just finishing up business before you were being shipped off to track the next target. No rest for the wicked. You were on your way to the grandest bash of your career, it would be packed with every wealthy man you could think of, every bachelor prancing around trying to find a wife but your eyes were dead set on finding one man - George Weasley. A very wealthy man, but ruthless, known well for the money of his family name but known better by the blood money that kept him feared by many. It was a contract that only a fool would take, failure ended in torture. You were no fool and you would not fail. 

You knew the person who had last attempted the Weasley Contract - not the brightest man but someone who was notorious for getting the job done, it all came as a surprise at the order when the news of his death spread through the halls like wildfire. His tactics were good; sneak past the guards and get him dead in the night, his downfall was that George knew he was coming, waited for him even. You were glad however, that despite taking on the failed contract, you had the element of surprise on your side, nobody suspects a woman, not even George. 

You caught sight of him standing with his hands pressed against the railing as he leaned over the balcony, eyes surveying the room as he spoke to someone standing beside him. George was tall, that much was obvious from the way he towered above most people standing around him, he had a chiselled jaw, dark striking eyes and long messy orange hair. He looked like a god, a pedestal he had placed himself on, and you knew that you had to get closer to him, better yet get him alone. 

You had never once whored yourself out for the sake of a job, your years upon years of training gave you a sharp enough edge that you wouldn't ever need to rely on a feminine touch but tonight was different, the way his eyes scoured the crowd, you knew he was hungry for some female attention and if you had to give in to anyone for the sake of the job, it would be him. 

You wore a beautifully detailed red gown, the corset pulled tight around your waist emphasised your ample breasts, threatening to spill at any moment and left not much to the imagination. Your plan was to catch his eye and you knew this was the dress that would do that. You followed his gaze and placed yourself directly in his line of vision, careful not to make yourself too obvious as to not attract unwanted gazes. When he caught sight of you he swore he could have stopped breathing, you truly were a vision of God. 

He couldn't take his eyes off of you from that moment on and you had to admit that having a lingering male gaze did make your cheeks flush, suddenly feeling stuffy under the many layers of dress. George instructed one of his men, rather curtly, to bring you to him, a task that was handled quickly and with hurry as one of his aides approached you. “Mr Weasley has requested your company.” 

Perfect, everything was going exactly to plan. As you were led up a grand staircase and past the guards that hadn’t even given you a second look. Now that you were on the private balcony, surrounded by members of the Weasley family and their company who were all schmoozing without any care in the world for the hundreds of guests below them, each one hoping they would be lucky enough to get that special invitation. Standing just behind George you were able to see with your own eyes just how much he truly did tower over you. Something inside of you bubbled and you refused to believe that it was anything but pure happiness for your plan going as well as it had. 

“What’s a pretty Lady like you doing here on her own?” He asked smoothly, eyes not falling away from the gaze they held over the bustling crowd. As you looked over the balcony you could see that the room was packed, spotting the way the men flirted with any and every woman they could lay their eyes on, couples falling to the edges of the room in passionate lip locks, uncaring for the vast group of people around them. 

“What makes you think I’m alone?” You quipped back, watching as a smile fell over his lips, finally pulling his eyes away from the crowd to face you. The moment your eyes locked again, this time inches away from him you felt that same bubbling feeling in the pit of your stomach. 

“No respectable partner would let their Lady come to a party with her breasts heaving like that, well… not unless the Lady wants to be seen.” His eyes scanned over your upper body before meeting your eyes once again. You weren’t sure why you were holding your breath but the second his knuckle was grazing over your exposed collarbone, brushing your hair over your shoulder, you finally let out a slow, shaky breath. 

“And to think I was just wearing a nice dress.” You sighed comically, turning back to lean your hands against the railing, taking a moment to compose yourself without having to stare into his eyes. Never in George’s life had a woman thought of talking back to him, so having you quip back at him with a tongue as sharp as his own, practically running circles around him in conversation made him even more determined to have you. 

“You’re a quick one, smart I assume, probably raised by men, or at the very least a strong minded woman. A fighter too, you have the shoulders for it, money doesn’t matter to you much from your lack of jewellery- Stop me If I’m wrong.” With every assumption that spilled from his lips, you realised that you had blown your cover, fear immediately building in the pit of your stomach until it reached your eyes. “So what brings you here, If not for a man, what for?”

“Who said I didn’t want a man?” You finally looked back at him, a teasing smile on your lips. You watched his face ease, taking a brave step closer to him as you realised that he truly didn’t have a clue.  You were brave for doing this, letting him see a vulnerable side to you, one that could leave you easily exposed. 

“I’m sure you know who I am, don’t you sweetheart? Yet I haven’t a clue who you are.” He was smooth, able to pull your name from your lips without even a second thought. Perhaps it was a bad idea to lead this way, fearing that a part of you would grow attached to his smile or addicted to his perfect laugh.

“Well, count yourself lucky that you’re up here then, all you’ll find is boys down there.” You weren’t surprised that George was the cocky sort of man, part of you found it endearing that he obviously had some sort of saviour complex about him, figuring that he would selfishly have you to himself and ‘save’ you from being surrounded by the inferior. 

“I’d be luckier alone with you.” You leaned in, whispering just low enough for him to hear. You were feeling brave enough to get suggestive with him, hoping that he would catch your tone and give you some time alone. You felt his hand pressing against the small of your back as he pulled you in closer, your mind wondering as soon as you could breathe in his scent, a part of you forgot why you were truly here as it became drunker off of the male attention. 

All it took was one look from him to his aide and you were being led by him, past his friends and family up another set of stairs. You heard the sounds of chatter, laughter and clinking glasses fade away as you were ushered into a private room, the doors swinging shut behind the two of you, finally realising that you were alone with him. 

“Are you going to tell me why you’re really here?” He sighed, pulling at your wrist to tug you into his chest, his hot breath fanning in your neck as you stood pressed against each other, uncaring for the huge amounts of space that the room had to offer. Being so close him made you lose all of your inhibitions and suddenly the contract no longer mattered to you, the one thing that did however, was bedding the man who had you in a trance. In all your years of working contracts, nobody came above the job but now as your lips were inches away from his, George Weasley was more important. 

"I'm here for you." You muttered, hand snaking up to tangle in his long, messy hair, giving the locks a gentle tug that made his eyes darken. Feeling him guide you backwards, taking small steps with him until your back hit a wall. His strong hand travelled its way up your leg, hoping to hitch it up to hook around his hip as he pushed every layer of fabric up so he could get a good look at the gorgeous thighs he wanted wrapped around his head. Your breath caught in your throat when you felt his fingers stop over your dagger, pulling it free from where it was held. 

As his eyes surveyed over the intricate detailing of the handle, you couldn't help but avoid his gaze, startled only by the chuckle that fell from his lips. "A mark of the brotherhood… They send you to bed me and leave me vulnerable?" 

You shook your head, watching as he pressed the dull side of the blade against your throat, his commanding eyes forcing you to look at him as he pressed himself closer to you. "They sent you to kill me?" 

He pulled the dagger from your throat, shoving it into your hand as he laughed, pulling away from you, letting the skirt fall back in its place as he turned around to walk away from you and deeper into the room. It was obvious that he wasn't afraid by you, certainly less the prospect of you being able to kill him. You didn't like being underestimated, much less by someone who would be easy for you to kill. You pushed yourself away from the wall coming up behind the man and tackling him to the floor, hips straddled directly over his as you pressed the knife against his throat, watching the way his eyes lit up with surprise, his hands finding your hips to grip onto tightly. 

"I like you, you've got a lot of nerve, probably one of the most gorgeous women I've ever laid my eyes on so tell me what's the contact worth?" He chuckled, hands tugging to grind your hips against his tentatively, watching as you fumbled to keep your thoughts straight. Composing yourself as you ignored the pleasurable feeling of your hips rocking against his, instead pressing the dagger closer to his throat. You were about to respond to his question when he cut you off quickly. 

"Whatever it is I'll double it, hell I'd even triple it under two conditions." He spluttered quickly, hands stilling as he realised that you weren't to be messed with. You cocked your head to the side, pulling the blade from his throat as you considered what he had to say, dragging the tip of your dagger gently over his jawline and down his chest with a sickly sweet smile, the alluring confusion evident in your tone of voice "Conditions?" 

"Condition one, Work for me and I'll pay better than any contract ever could and two, you're mine to have." He suggested, his tone coming across as commanding making it seem like you truly had no choice in the matter but you knew better. 

"I don't belong to anyone, Weasley, especially not someone I work for." You bit back, watching as he laughed softly, hand gripping at your waist as he flipped you over, the dagger clattering against the floor as he pinned your hands down, back pressed firmly against the cold surface, feeling him press his lips to your exposed neck. "You belong to me now, seems a waste of such perfect breasts for you not to be."

"Were you going to whore yourself out for me? That's precious." His lips travelled down, peppering wet kisses along your collarbone as his hands still gripped onto your waist. Any semblance of fight in you disappeared the minute his lips were on your skin, a sick part of you adored how he wanted you but an even sicker part wanted him to take you. 

"Where's the confidence, darling? Not ready to submit to me already, are you?" His voice was thick with arousal, hands finding their way to your hips again as he slowly ground his hips into yours, teasing you ever so slightly as he pushed himself closer to you. Somehow George had managed to shock you into silence, your head filled with nothing but the the image of him fucking you into the morning, not even room to think of a quick remark or retorting comment to quip back at him.

“You’re insufferable.” You breathed out, letting his strong arms pull you off of the floor, hoisting you up on his hips to trap you between the wall and his chest once again, his hand this time was quickly up your skirt once again, feeling the wetness that pooled between your legs that confirmed you wanted him just as much as he wanted you. “And yet you spread your legs for me with ease.”

He didn’t dare tease you any longer, pulling himself free and sinking into you like there was no time to lose. Just when you thought you were full, he had more to give and you were feeling stretched out beyond belief. Your nails dug into his shoulders as he pulled loud moans from you with every deep and slow thrust, the pleasure coursing through you had you rolling your head back which he only took as an invitation for him to wrap his hand around your throat, groaning lowly as his eyes flicked over the way your face contorted with overwhelming pleasure,  “You’re so fucking tight.” 

“George, please.” He hummed at the way your voice came out with the strained begging, feeling pleasure build in the pit of your stomach as you realised the churning movement you had been feeling throughout the evening had been butterflies, the building want and desire for the man who was now fucking you loudly into the wall. 

“I like hearing you beg, what do you need, sweetheart?” He hummed, pressing his lips to your exposed neck, right over where your vocal chords were, feeling the vibrations of your moans flow through his lips, pushing him over the edge to pick up his pace, focused intently on making you cum as he found himself growing addicted to the way you squeezed around him.

“I need to- George, It feels so good.” He shook his head, pulling completely from you, letting your feet drop to the floor as he spun you around so that your chest was pressed to the wall, whines still falling from your lips as his hands were back up your skirt, pulling your hips into the right position to push himself inside you again, this time his hands pulled at the strings of your corset, tightening it to a point where it only added to the pleasure he was making you feel.

“You only get to cum when you ask for it.” With every thrust, it felt as if he was tugging your corset that little bit tighter. Pushing you closer and closer to the release you craved, so desperate for it that the only word that fell from your lips was ‘please’. Not what he wanted to hear. One of his strong hands pulled your hair into his fist, pulling your head back to rest on his shoulder, a smirk evident on his lips through the tone he used, “Please, what?”

“Please, I need to cum, George” You whined, hand coming up to wrap around his forearm, nails digging into his skin as his pace picked up finally, the hand still attached to the strings of your corset giving a final tug as you released around him, becoming a mess of spluttering moans for him as he pulled out of you, spinning you around once again to thread his fingers into your hair and pull you into a passionate kiss. 

Something about the way his lips tasted made you never want to pull away, finding yourself chasing his lips as he pulled away to gaze over your features, a smile on his lips as he took in just how beautiful you were, feeling like for a moment he may have truly met his match, watching as your chest heaved while you slowly drank in the high he had given you. “Next time I hope to see these beautiful breasts in all their glory,” 

“Next time? Thought you knew I have to kill you now.” You laughed as his fingers tucked your hair behind your ear, an action that sent a shiver down your spine. You watched as his tongue darted out to wet his lips, head shaking slightly to sway the hair out of his eyes, an action that made you melt at the knees.

“Very funny, now about your first contract.” He spoke quickly, tucking himself away and making himself presentable before pulling you deeper inside of the room, standing you by a large painting, tilting your chin up to avert your gaze to a particular individual, “Know who that man is, angel?” 

You swallowed thickly, eyes gazing over the large, pristine painting, well aware of who he was. The man that had set the contract over George’s head. You nodded at his question, his arm slinking around your waist as he leaned down to press a chaste kiss to your ear. “Good, I want information; You tell him I’m dead and find out what his next move is, if you get me that, I’ll know you’re loyal, just for that I’ll pay you more than you’ve ever seen.” 

“George, he’s the one that requested this cont-” You spoke quietly, his hand tugging you closer to his body, a deep sigh falling past his lips, leaving you in silence for a few moments until his warm toned voice spoke up once again.

“I know, and you’re going to find out why, understand?” He sounded genuinely upset, the man who had ordered the hit on him was a close family friend, but yet someone who craved the power that George had. Part of you knew that it wasn’t just Cedric Diggory that wanted him dead but he was the only one with enough money to make the bounty worth it, and yet you had found yourself wound up on his side. “Good girl.” 

Your chest was still heaving as you stepped through the opening double doors, this time hand in hand with the man who you had come here to kill, something had changed in your time alone and you knew that you would be the last person to hurt him. You were running off the high of belonging to someone, a new contract and the willingness to submit. You were George’s new personal weapon, a force that even he didn’t know the true extent of. Better to have you on his side than against him, as good as you felt against him after all. 

taglist //  @starlightweasley​​ @slytherinsunrise​​  @gcdric​​​ @theweasleysredhair​​​ @whiz-bangs78​​​ @pansydaisy​​ @vogueweasley​​​ @vivianweasley​​​​ @feetoffthetablee​​ @thisismynerdyself​​​ @witch-and-a-half​​ @loony-loopy-lupinn​​ @rip-us​​ @hopemalfoyweasley​​ @pigwidgexn​​

[conarcoin]

SMPEarth Fanfics

There really isn’t that much fic for SMPEarth so I decided to make a post with a bunch. Some of these are my own, but most aren’t. Long post, so under the cut. I haven’t read all of these myself yet.

MY FICS:

playing imitation games - JoshA20 character study, largely based on the ARGs of SMPEarth. (Oneshot)

and if they laugh at me, i’ll make your heart my home - In an AU where Deo is exiled from Business Bay and joins AE, he finds comfort in Wisp among his new cold & hostile home. (Oneshot)

i’m so sorry (returns) - Slightly canon divergent (just timeline changes, shifting events around). Wisp apologizes for abandoning Business Bay. Deo is upset. (Oneshot)

OTHERS’ FICS:

The Stars Still Love You (They Always Will) - c!Tommy gets sent back in time to SMPEarth. (40/?)

off with their head (wait, are you serious?) - Caught in the middle of the war between Business Bay and the Empire, Charlie has to face his friend, Wilbur, on the battlefield. (Oneshot)

To cure it of sorrow would destroy it - An immortal god, Deo, grows attached to a mortal named Tommy, and is devastated by his death at the hands of a traitor. (Oneshot)

we are the crossroads - Technoblade overworks himself on a particularly scary night at the Antarctic Empire. Phil helps. (Oneshot)

the criminal from korea - Charlie got banished from New Zealand, and lives alone in his country, Kpop. Jack, a leader of the island nation, pays him an unexpected visit to apologize, much to the dismay of the other two New Zealand Soots. (Oneshot)

step one, light me on fire - On Day 19 of Charlie's SMPEarth history, he was named the first and only criminal of New Zealand. (Oneshot)

Letters From Another Millennia - Tommy and his family move into a new house in a small village, it is said to have sheltered magical creatures hunderds— maybe even thousands of years ago. What happens when he finds old letters hidden underneath the floorboards and decides to write responses to them for fun, but ends up getting in touch with a certain someone from the past? (2/15)

Before We Get Older (Let’s Do Everything) - The happiest Deo has ever seen Tommy, he thinks, is right now, as he looks over at Tommy from where he’s lounging in the co-pilot’s seat. (Oneshot)

Misunderstood Emperor - The Antarctic Empire is a grand but isolated country. It plays by its own rules in the grand scheme of things, but one thing is for certain. They are powerful extremely powerful. Ruled by their Emperor Technoblade, who is a mystery to everyone. There are several legends that have told people stories about the great Emperor but none ever tell as much as people would have liked. As one of the immortals, he is a legend in that part. But it's something more for his people and the world. He is a god, The Blood God. He not human as he is above them. This is great and all but what happens when Antarctica is forced out of isolation and people really start to meet the ruler himself. Is he anything they thought him to be? And is being called a god as good as people imagine? We shall see... (2/?)

it’s just a waltz (i’d give you anything you wanted) - After a successful battle campaign across the globe, co-emperors Technoblade and Philza take a reprieve in their mountain palace they call home. A reprieve means a break. Avoiding work. Techno struggles with this, so Phil takes matters into his own hands, and orchestrates a simple, fun plan to help Techno loosen up. (Oneshot)

Moonglass - The Antarctic Empire has long since peacefully disbanded- really, there never was an Empire in the first place. A means to an end and nothing more, their work was done and they retreated back to where their simple work waited in the southern snow. That is, until one day, when Commander Philza Minecraft is nominated to be part of the first group of players to land on the moon. Just a simple trip to survey the land, to evaluate what could be built there one day.... The reports never mentioned the dragon. (7/7)

Snow Angel - The Angel Of Death, now more than ever, is faced with the prospect of eternity. He selfishly hopes he will not fly it alone. (21/21)

Earth and Its Connotations - If things were different, if time had been a little more fluid when her hands had set events into motion, then we might have watched a completely new story unfold from the start. Dream has a question to ask of one of his friends, and that friend has an answer. The butterfly beats its wings and a hurricane brews in the far reaches of the arctic north. (Oneshot)

The Cold Brings People Together - No one would question the bond between the leaders of the Antarctic Empire. Some would call them thick as thieves, birds of a feather, peas in a pod, bolder ones would even call them like a father and son, others would run in fear at the titles 'Blood god' and 'Angel of Death'. Everyone knew that to get to Techno you would have to go through Phil and to get to Phil you would have to go through Techno. The question on the more curious, more daring peoples' minds was, how did the two get so close? (Oneshot)

for dust thou art - The Antarctic Empire's civilization fell long ago, it's cities in ashes and it's kingdom fallen to dust. The ruins are precarious and no one dares trod to the arctic to pick them over. No one, that is, except for you. The ruins of an empire beckon at your mind like the claws of a beast. (Oneshot)

hell hath frozen over. - in a world where not one angel showed him warmth, techno finds life in the arctic thrall of Death. (Oneshot)

Why Did You Return. -  And even as Deo brought the feared Midas sword to hiss neck, he couldn't find himself to feel any fear. The only emotion he could feel was raw regret, and acceptance. He knew he would relinquish his life to a God-slayer, a renowned fearless being, who would stop at nothing to protect those who he considered family. He would lose his life to TimeDeo, once a brother, now an enemy, and Wisp could not bring himself to feel any fear, only the relief that it was someone he still deeply cared for taking the anger out on him in a way he deemed justified, and there was no fear. Only the cold accepting that this was the end. (Oneshot)

I Wear The Chain I Forged In Life - “Oh,” Doomsday says. “We’ve run out of time.” “Doomsday, please, just tell me how to stop this,” Tommy begs. Doomsday does not meet his eyes. “I wear the chain I forged in life, TommyInnit. I made it link by link, yard by yard. Let us hope you’ve done the same.” (Oneshot)

old friends, old scars (new starts) - After betraying him during SMPEarth, Wisp joins the Dream SMP to offer his alliance to Tommy once more. (Oneshot)

After What I Did, How Could You Not? - Nobody had heard from this world-conquering Empire in quite some time. It had been months since Phil or Techno had spoken out for their kingdom and even Newfoundland had been wondering where they’ve gone. Tommy seemed to know, but he didn’t seem keen on sharing. (Oneshot)

[wikiangela-fanfics]

"You should smile more" - sambucky

I’m a sucker for Bucky’s smile so obviously I had to project that onto Sam and write a fic - I use the word ‘smile’ waaaaaay too much in this fic, but whatever

This is my first ever marvel fic, so sorry if it's too ooc but I actually kinda like this one hah

Big thank you to @tasteslikestrawbebbies for beta-reading ♥♥♥

Here it is on Ao3

part 2, part 3

Enjoy ♥

***

One of the things that really struck him was that he kinda loved Bucky’s smile. Once he saw that real, genuine, happy smile on Bucky’s face… all he wanted to do was to make him smile again and again. Which was a crazy thought. Insane. He should not be thinking that, and he tried not to. But then Bucky would smile again, and Sam would melt.

His smile was… really nice. And beautiful. And it was impossible not to smile as well when you saw it. He seemed so relaxed and at peace… Sam has never seen him like that before, but he definitely liked it. He knew there was still work to do, and they would have to get to that sooner or later, but for now, he really enjoyed just hanging out with Bucky, fixing the boat together, talking, which apparently they did now, another surprising thing. Bucky opened up to him, and that meant he trusted him, not only in battle. This made Sam almost giddy.

He wasn’t ready to say goodbye. He knew they would see each other soon, but he selfishly wanted Bucky to stay, to keep him company… to smile at him. God, he was gone on that fucking smile.

He almost considered making up something else that needed repairing that Buck could help him with, but that would require actually having something to do… and he was not about to break something on purpose. Not that that hasn’t crossed his mind… but he wasn’t that far gone. Or that desperate. At least yet.

He convinced himself that he was fine, that not seeing Bucky for a while wasn’t a big deal. Because it shouldn’t be. They had barely talked before Walker was given the shield. And it was fine. It would be fine now, too.

But then, as Bucky was about to leave, the words just slipped out of his mouth.

“You know, you could stay for a while. If you want.” he wasn’t looking at Bucky, his eyes focused on the trees they were passing.

Bucky was quiet for a moment and Sam was afraid he fucked up their relationship, which has improved significantly over the past few days.

“Uh, I’d really like to.” Bucky started. “I would, but I think I need to go. In New York there’s someone who really needs closure, and I’ve been putting it off long enough.” he sighed, and that’s when Sam looked at him again. He seemed nervous and Sam understood.

“Of course.” he smiled. “But, you know, you’re always welcome here, man.” he added.

“Thanks.” Bucky smiled, and Sam’s heart fluttered. Damn, this could not be happening. “I guess I’ll see you- What?” he stopped mid-sentence to look at Sam in confusion.

“What ‘what’?” Sam raised an eyebrow.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Like what?” Sam felt his face heat up and looked away. He kept his cool since Bucky showed up, and now he’s getting caught at whatever his face was doing while he was admiring Bucky’s gorgeous smile? He was pretty sure he was smiling, but what else could be visible in his expression, he had no idea. He was fucked.

“I don’t know, but it’s weird.” Bucky was frowning, his tone slow and confused.

“Bad weird?” Sam couldn’t help but ask, looking back at Bucky, who just shrugged.

“Just different. What’s up?” he asked, not wanting to let go. And of course Bucky, the expert of staring and observing, noticed the difference in Sam’s expression. Of course.

“Nothing, it’s stupid.” Sam laughed, feeling more than ridiculous.

“Now you gotta tell me.” Bucky nudged his arm. “What was that look about?”

“I was just thinking. Forget it.” he shook his head, he tried to brush it off, but he knew it was pointless. One more smile from Bucky, and he was going to melt into a puddle.

“Okay, well, I’m not gonna push.” he lifted both hands in defeat, but he was smiling. Whatever he saw in Sam’s face, had to be positive. Of course it was, he had been thinking about Bucky’s smile. “I’ll get it out of you another time.” he winked, starting to walk again, and Sam wasn’t sure when they stopped walking. “Call me when you have a lead.” he repeated his previous words, clapped Sam on the shoulder, and was about to walk away.

“You should smile more.” Sam said before he even realized he had opened his mouth. How was it that suddenly he couldn’t think around Bucky?

“What?” Bucky turned around, Sam was staring at him, probably looking as surprised as Bucky. But he said it, so there was no backing away now.

“I mean, that’s what I was thinking about.” he swallowed hard. “It’s a good look on you. When you smile.” he said, trying to sound as confident as he could. Slowly, another one of those amazing smiles showed up on Bucky’s face.

“Wow, I did not expect that.” he said, his expression smug.

“Shut up.” Sam rolled his eyes, forcing himself not to smile back.

“You thinking about my smile often?” Bucky then asked, because of course he had to tease Sam about it now.

“I haven’t seen you really smile until, like, yesterday, so no.” Sam answered and thought, damn, where is this conversation going and how did we get here. “And I’m just saying,” oh God, he so needs to shut up already, but his mouth is still moving and the words are pouring out despite his efforts to stop it. “I wouldn’t mind if you did that more often.”

Bucky chuckled, and boy was that a nice sound, and looked down for a second. Seemed like someone was shy about getting complimented. Alright, Sam got it, Bucky probably hasn’t been complimented at all for the past seventy years. But Sam also kinda liked making him blush - because that’s what was happening, Bucky’s cheeks were starting to get pink, and now Sam couldn’t contain his smile.

“That’s, uh, nice.” Bucky said, looking back at Sam. “I just feel really good here, you know?” he confessed. So now they were seriously going to start talking, huh? Sam couldn’t say he was complaining.

“So you gonna come back?” the question was out of his mouth before he could stop himself. Again. Damn, what was happening to him?

“I haven’t even left yet, Sam. Relax.” Bucky chuckled again, his beautiful, teeth-baring smile not disappearing from his face. Then he sighed. “I promise, once we deal with Karli, I’m gonna visit again and I’ll stay so long you’re gonna beg me to leave.” he added, teasingly. Sam just involuntarily smiled.

“Imma remember that. You better keep your promises.” he said, finger pointed at Bucky to accentuate his words.

“Always do. But now I really gotta go if I wanna catch my flight.” Bucky added, almost apologetically.

“Right.” Sam wanted him to stay, but he already said that, and he wasn’t about to beg. He wasn’t that desperate. And he knew Bucky had to go, he had things to do, people to see, he had to do the work and get better, and it seemed like he was really going to. “Uh, answer my calls and texts this time, will you?” he tried to sound casual and exasperated, but the longing and a bit of hope was audible even to him.

“You plan on contacting me a lot?” Bucky raised his eyebrow.

“Maybe.” Sam was suddenly all too aware of the distance between them. He would have to take two, maybe three steps, to get to Bucky and… and what? He wasn’t sure. “Are you gonna answer?” he asked again, taking a step towards Bucky. What was he doing?

“Of course.” Bucky answered. Sam must’ve looked surprised, because Bucky snickered. “How else will I know that you have a lead?”

“You’re an ass.” Sam rolled his eyes, his cheeks heating up. And here he was hoping they would actually start talking on a regular basis… not that he wanted that. Definitely not. Why would he?

“But if you call me without a lead, I might not hang up on you.” Bucky said, a bit reluctantly, a teasing smirk still on his face. “Depends on my mood.”

“You can call me, too. If you ever wanna talk. No matter what time it is.” Sam took another step, while Bucky watched him curiously.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“And, uh, thanks. For all the help, you know.” Sam shrugged. There was still a small distance between them, and he was contemplating crossing it and hugging Bucky.

“Of course.” he said, as if him helping Sam was the most natural and obvious thing in the world. “Anytime. But now I really have to-” he didn’t finish his sentence, because Sam took the final step. But instead of hugging Bucky, he pressed his lips against Bucky’s.

It was a split second, rash decision, he did not intend to do it. At all. It was either letting Bucky go and dreaming about that smile and longing for him for the next indefinite period of time until he saw him again… or kissing Bucky and possibly changing their whole dynamic, risking rejection and making things weird again, possibly weirder than ever.

But Bucky immediately kissed him back, as if he was expecting it. And Sam could feel him smiling, which only added to the fluttering feeling in his stomach.

At first, it was chaste, just lips against lips, but that lasted a whole two seconds before Bucky opened his mouth, deepening it. He dropped his bag, his metal hand finding its way to Sam’s hip, while the flesh one cupped Sam’s cheek. Sam’s hands were in Bucky’s hair, running his fingers through it, and trying to bring him even closer. Honestly, Sam wanted to stay in that moment forever. Bucky’s lips not only looked good and irresistible - the man was an amazing kisser. Sam wanted more. He needed more. And one of his hands started trailing down Bucky’s arm to the hem of his shirt, but then… Bucky broke the kiss.

“You really want me to miss my flight, huh?” he asked, his forehead pressed against Sam’s. He was smiling, and both their breaths were quickened.

“I told you, you could stay.” Sam said, not able to contain a smile either. “We could… uh, have some fun, if you stayed.” he added, his tone deliberately suggestive. He decided to stop being tentative about his feelings. They just made out, he was aroused, and he was pretty sure Bucky was too. He desperately wanted him closer, wanted their bodies pressed together. Preferably undressed. Oh fuck, when did he go from Bucky has a beautiful smile to I wanna fuck him ? This was happening fast. Or maybe those thoughts were always there, lurking, as he tried to convince himself he’s not attracted to the guy. Maybe.

“I would love to.” Bucky said, sighing, and his breath hit Sam’s mouth, making him shiver. He wanted those lips on his again. But Bucky pulled away, hands still on Sam, but now his piercing blue eyes were staring at him again. This time, Sam didn’t mind. The staring stopped bothering him a while ago.

“But?” Sam tried to keep disappointment out of his voice.

“But, before this,” he waved his flesh hand between them. “Develops any further, I need to deal with some stuff.” he said, and Sam felt his heart swell. First of all, Bucky seemed so sure that this thing between them would turn into something, so Sam didn’t have to worry about what the kiss meant, they were both on the same page. And second of all, Bucky actually wanted to work on himself first before getting into a relationship. Which filled Sam with pride. He knew that it wouldn’t be a problem for them - he knew a lot about Bucky and his trauma, and he would love to help, in any way he could. But if Bucky thought it was something he needed to do by himself, and was actually willing to do the work, that was amazing.

“Okay.” Sam said, smiling fondly. “Just, you know, not all the stuff, yeah? I’m not gonna wait for an eternity.” his tone was jocular, but he needed Buck to know that he was in, despite all his shit. He hoped his message was at least a bit clear.

“Yeah.” Bucky smiled, leaning in for another kiss, this time brief, leaving Sam chasing after him as he was pulling away. “I’ll see you soon.” he added, finally picking up his bag and starting to walk away. Again.

“You better answer your phone or you’ll see me sooner than you think.” Sam yelled after him. Bucky turned around to shoot him one of his genuine, amused grins that made Sam’s knees weak, and made it impossible not to smile back.

Yeah, he definitely loved Bucky’s smile. And he already couldn’t wait to see it again.

[starring-movies]

The Haunting of Bly Manor: Episode Analysis

Episode 8 - The Romance of Certain Old Clothes

Episode 8 is the penultimate episode of The Haunting of Bly Manor. This episode, as well as Episode 5, are some of the absolute standout episodes of the season and in this one we are given the origin story of who The Lady of the Lake was.

We find out that “towards the middle of the 17th century” the current owner of Bly Manor at that time had died, and he left his two daughters as his heirs to the estate. His daughters were Viola and Perdita, and Perdita was five years younger than her sister. It’s an interesting detail that in Latin, ‘perdita’ means ruined, wasted or lost. In accordance with the meaning of her name, Perdita’s life is completely wasted and lost to Viola.

In life - Perdita lost her husband to Viola (Arthur was first interested in her but Viola presented herself as the lady of the manor so that he would marry her instead), she lost most of her life to caring for Viola when she became sick with “the lung” and she literally lost her life to Viola when Viola strangled her.

In death - Perdita gets lost as a ghost when her face and memories all fade.

An amazing detail; is that when Viola and Perdita are mingling with the various suitors, no one in this scene actually opens their mouth when it looks like they’re speaking to another person. Everyone makes the physical gestures towards one another which you make when you speak to someone (like one person leaning in to be heard and the other leaning in to listen), but no one’s mouth actually opens in speech. This small detail, as well as the whole episode being in black and white, helps to immerse us into the fairytale or gothic romance-like tone of the episode.

After Viola marries Arthur, they have a child together. We discover that the origin of the phrase “it is you, it is me, it is us”, which is used to invite a ghost into a person, was first said by Viola to her baby daughter.

It’s not made completely clear, but it’s straight after Viola notices Perdita and Arthur looking at one another that “her suspicion began as small”, but also when “the tickle in her lungs” began. This may just be a coincidence, but if it’s not, then it’s strongly suggested to us that Viola’s illness stemmed from the jealousy and suspicion that planted itself within her - like an almost ‘Dorian Grey-style’ physical manifestation of the jealousy that infected her heart.

When the doctor’s treatments for Viola’s illness don’t work and her condition starts to look more terminal, Arthur calls the vicar to her bedside to preform an absolution rite. Out of sheer stubborn wilfulness Viola refuses to repeat the rites, saying to the vicar for him to “tell your god, that I do not go”. Arthur tries to covnince her to repeat the rites by telling her “it is not about your body any longer, my love. It is your soul we must treat. It is your soul I worry for”. Again it’s not made explicitly clear, but it’s strongly suggested that Viola doesn’t die peacefullly and her soul is imprisoned in the chest of clothes because she didn’t say the rites and so her soul was not properly treated before dying.

As Older Jamie is telling the story, she says that “then five times around the sun, and all is different”, as this was when Viola found Perdita dancing with Arthur and started to treat Perdita awfully. In Episode 9 Older Jamie also says that “five years would pass, and there was peace” for her and Dani, before Viola started to take over Dani’s body. It seems that Viola was given “five times around the sun” before she started to see the connection between Perdita and Arthur growing stronger and when all became different; and so Dani and Jamie were given “five years” of peace before Viola reared her head and made everything different for them.

We also see a similarity being drawn between Viola and Peter. Viola is still hanging onto her life and refusing to die and Perdita says to her that “you should think of her, Vi. Think of Isabel. What will she be left with, what memories of you will she carry? Will it be this? This version of you? Because Viola, with love, let it be anything else”. It’s clear that Viola obviously does love her daughter but at the same time, by refusing to let go, she’s acting somewhat selfishly. Perdita is right when she says that Isabel will not carry any fond memories of her mother, but only a vision of her slowly wasting away in a “living death”. In the same way, Peter does love Rebecca but his decision to drown her was a completely selfish one, only thinking about his own loneliness and what he wanted.

We then see that Viola’s soul has been trapped in the chest which she locked her clothes in. While trapped in the chest she repeats a constant cycle of “sleeping, waking, walking” as she waits to see her daughter who will open the chest when she is of age. However when Perdita is the one who opens Viola’s chest, Viola strangles her as revenge for being killed by her and for her opening the chest that was supposed to be guarded until Isabel could open it. When Viola sees Arthur’s reaction to finding Perdita’s dead body, she doesn’t see “the changes wrought of time” but she sees “only his sadness”. This is heartbreaking for Viola, to see the man who was once her husband lamenting the loss of her sister.

Thinking that Viola’s chest was cursed, Arthur throws it into the lake so that Isabel would not succumb to the same curse that killed Perdita. It is this “absolute abandonment”, this “final insult”, which breaks Viola’s heart completely, and it’s from the anguish she feels and “stubbornness alone” which stops her “being pulled towards some other place, some realm beyond”. This stubbornness that Viola had, and because she ignored the pull from the “realm beyond”, meant that “she instead made her own gravity, gravity of will���.

We find out that The Lady of the Lake’s journey through Bly Manor started when her chest was thrown into the lake. The trip that Viola makes is in the hope that she would one day find her daughter. She walks to her old bedroom in the hope that she will find her daughter but then when she doesn’t find her, she remembers that she died and that her daughter had left her. This remembering would break her heart after every single trip, and so she would sleep to forget what had happened and then would wake back up having forgotten. It is also revealed to us that most of the other ghosts which we see in the manor are people who got in the way of her path, the most tragic of whom was the Doll Face Ghost, who was a little boy that she mistook for her daughter and drowned.

Through this we are also presented the idea of the danger of becoming blindsided by anguish and stubbornness. Viola began her journey through the manor with the purpose of finding her daughter, but then as time went on and she forgot more and more, the journey just started to become a ritual, something repeatedly done mindlessly and with no purpose. Through this repeated ritual, she completely loses the purpose for which she once did this, and as a result takes the life of an innocent boy because she could only remember that she was searching for a child and so she thought that this must be the child whom she sought. Viola allows anger and grief from love to seethe inside her, and eventually it takes over her completely, leaving only that anger in control of the shell of her body.

As well as this, we find out that the reason that all the ghosts have lost their faces is due to a side effect of forgetting. As each of the ghosts gradually forget who they once were, this gets physically shown on their face. It is a visual representation of memories fading as the details slowly get lost and then they are eventually lost completely.

You can read my previous The Haunting of Bly Manor posts here:-

Episode 1 - The Great Good Place

Episode 2 - The Pupil

Episode 3 - The Two Faces, Part One

Episode 4 - The Way It Came

Episode 5 - The Altar of the Dead

Episode 6 - The Jolly Corner

Episode 7 - The Two Faces, Part Two

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