#a scared little middle schooler doing adult things for the first time

[thewhisperingtwenties]

feeling more like myself than i have since i was 14 comes with unexpected consequence of I Feel Fourteen Again

[the-east-art]

Fantail Pigeons and Mourning Doves Part 1

Mel sat and stared out the window. The car at pump 6 left. That left two cars at pumps. Three cars parked in the lot. One was Mel’s. The other two would indicate that he should have at minimum two customers in the store, but the gas station remained empty. Mel cast a quick glance, just to double check. From here he should be able to see any adults in the building - their heads usually peak out over the shelves. Designed that way, Mel was sure. Just short enough for him to clock how many people there are. Kids could hide in the aisles though. Usually did - some middle schoolers that drove out with their learner permits and reveled in the fact that they had money they could spend on things like sour gummy worms and large sized slushies. 

He didn’t hear any giggling, so no kids. Mel’s eyes flicked back to the lot. 

A red car slid into pump 7 - the favorite pump. Not on the end, but not in the middle. One of the silver cars - pump 3’s - left. He should probably learn cars types. He wasn’t really interested in them, but some part of him felt a kind of obligation. The same way a child is obligated to eat their vegetable or memorize scriptures. 

The person of red car of pump 7 waited for their tank to fill. They twirled back and forth absently, skirt flaring around their knees. The silver car at pump 1 left. 

Mel felt the end grow closer. 

oOo

Mel was short for Melchior. He knows it sounds like a girl name, but he can’t really bring himself to care too much. Mel is what his brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles all called him. And it wasn’t as stuffy as Melchior. Melchior was a name only called out if he was in trouble, if they caught him staring out the window too long, if his sister Auriel needed something. He couldn’t see the name Mel as a concept separate from his own personhood, so Mel didn’t. He was luckier than Astrophel, whose name was only ever shortened to ‘ass’.

Red blue black. Red blue black. Mel patterened the cheap lighters methodically. Two extra blues. Mel frowned. He wondered if it was worth it to toss them - someone would probably notice though, and he’d get in trouble. He adjusted the pattern, made if so that the two extra were each on one end. Went back to the window. 

A little past midday, and no cars were at the pumps. The only car was his, black and dull in it’s usual spot - tucked off to the side to invite guests into the gas station. Or maybe just so that it had a good vintage point to look out over the lot. The passenger side still had a dent in it from the time he tried to peel out of his spot and had instead very slowly hit the back bumper of a truck. 

Seven pigeons roamed the lot in place of the lack of cars. Their heads bobbed forward and back and forward and back. Alone in the station Mel tried it too. Pigeons communicate through their head bobbing. He had seen, once, a rescued show pigeon. It had been abandoned by its’ owner, and bred in such a way that it’s head was permanently back and chest stuck out. The pigeon had been manufactured in such a way that, when the rescuer had put it with the rest of their flock, the other pigeons didn’t know what to do with it. They steered clear of this strange creature that looked like themselves through a funhouse mirror, that could not bob its’ head. 

The roof over the pumps was covered in sharp points that prevented birds from roosting there. Not for the first time, Mel imagined himself finding a tall ladder. He inserted it there, and saw himself climbing up its’ many rungs. When he reached the top - it would have to be a really tall ladder to get that high, and Mel would probably be scared at that height - he would take off or file down the spikes. Invite the birds to stay. 

Mel absently bobbed his head back and forth until someone came in gave him a funny look. 

oOo

The art of projection was one of Mel’s chief skills. Distinctly different than a simple child ‘imagination’. Or at least, Mel thought so. He knew the things he projected into the world weren’t really there, it was like a child who believed their imaginary friends was really there. It was more of a thought exercise. 

He could be sitting at a register, or a bench, or a pew, and look out a window to somewhere else and simple, project that he was there. A simple mind trick, really. Overlapping what he saw with his eyes with a layer of something he could only see in his head. The idea of seeing a picture without your eyes was strange, but it was there all the same. Mel wondered if he took a cleaver down his skull, cracked open his frontal lobe, if he’d see a little threatre in there was a projector. 

Some people, Mel had read, can’t do that. Raguel couldn’t, when he asked. Didn’t think in pictures, didn’t imagine the scenes in books in his head. Mel didn’t understand that. Wouldn’t that leave the letters on the word flat? The stories muttered over bedtime or against the stained glass window like water slidings down your face when you emerge from the lake? 

In another life, sitting in a pew, making sure to absently nod his head to fake that he was listening, Mel stared out a window. The nodding thing was new - he was hoping he could integrate it in well enough. His knuckles still stung and his knees hurt. 

At the gas station, Mel doesn’t need to do the nodding part. He can just look out the window and project. He takes his sock and shoes off, and he climbs the tree. It doesn’t matter that he probably doesn’t have the upper body strength for it, his projection does it with ease, and Mel can imagine the texture of the bark under his hands and feet. Zeph was good at climbing trees, and used to cajole Mel into trying it with their limited free time. The bite of the trunk had hurt his hands. 

Mel sits ontop of the gas pump roof, and his feet dangle off the side. In his mind, he edits out the anti-bird spikes, and his projection is instead surrounded by feathery friends. They bob their heads at him, and inside the station Mel reflexively bobs his own. 

The door chimes, and Mel pulls himself back to his body. 

He’s lost track of the cars. Casts a quick glance back out - two at the pumps, two parked. The man who walks in is alone, and detours immediately to the bathroom. Mel assumes that will be it - statistically if someone comes in and uses the restroom, that’s all they’re here for - especially if they’re alone. The owner of the place keeps telling him to try and get their attention and start friendly conversation, and then push some product ANY product onto them. Mel thinks he’d rather cut his tongue out. 

The man surprises him by emerging from the bathroom and strolling the shelves. Mel watches carefully. Astrophel said that look was offputting, and he should stop, but Mel doesn’t really know how or care enough to curtail it. And at a gas station far enough from town to be separate from it, there are seldom enough repeat customers for him to worry about making a bad impression. Low stakes. And he likes looking. 

People are more complicated that pigeons. There’s a lot more that goes into it than head bobbing. Body language and tone and gestures and winks. All kinds of things. Mel likes watching families and lovers and strangers come in. Watches their interractions. It’s even more interesting to watch someone alone. What a person does with their body when no one is looking. 

The man adjusts the bill of his ballcap. Snorts - the arid desert air probably getting to him. Or maybe he’s sick. Aunt Apollonia used to snort and cough and blow her nose in a way that seemed like she was commanding attention. It would ring out and drag the attention of strangers on the street, when they went out in public. At home it had become background noise to everyone. Mel had hated it, it made his skin crawl. But no one else commented on it, so Mel had kept his mouth shut. 

Eventually the man gets a lemonade, a soda, and a bag of chips. At the counter he adds a black lighter. Mel is going to need to choose a new pattern now. The back of his mind gets to work on that. The stranger doesn’t smell of cigarette smoke, but sometimes if it isn’t enough of a habit it doesn’t stick to a person quite as much, or maybe it’s for someone he knows. Some people get lighters just for the novelty of having fire at their fingertips - usually the aforementioned teens. If Mel turns his head to the side, he thinks he could see this man being some kind of a pyro. 

“If you get two of these, they’re buy one get one.” Mel gestures to the bag of chips. The man before him starts. He knows this part is hard - suddenly having to talk and act like a human being when you aren’t prepared for it. But if the mans’ getting the one anyway, he might as well snag a second. It doesn’t make sense to Mel - wouldn’t that be a profit loss for the chip company? 

“Oh yeah? I’ll, uh, I’ll be right back then.” The man leaves his collection of items at the register and retreats back to the chip aisle. Mel thinks about business strategies of chip companies. 

The loud sound of a bag of doritos breaks his thinking, and Mel rings it up. The man has brown eyes. 

“Weathers’ nice today.” The man says. Mels’ heart sinks a little - by helping the man gain chips, he has broken the spell of the gas station. He doesn’t mind talking to customers, but he knows they don’t really want to talk to him. Mel knows his body is too stiff and made wrong, and his head angled too far up. He’s used to looking out windows and staring at stained glass. He isn’t used to looking someone in their eyes, or at least at their face. He feels guilt that he has shackled this man to trying to converse with him through the act of goodwill. 

“It is.” Mel replies, because that’s what you do when someone says the weather is nice. There is an awkward pause. The man is waiting for something. Mel does not know what the man is waiting for. He moves his body, and his facial muscles. “That’s going to be $9.47.” That’s not what the space in the air was for, but Mel doesn’t know what else to put there. 

The man pulls out a wallet and several bills. Paying in cash. It’s a surprise. Mel’s face heats up. 

“Oh, sorry, one second.” He has to crane over the counter to get to the card reader, and presses the red button. Nobody really pays with cash these days. The instinct to push the purchase to the reader had been automatic. 

“I can pay with card if you want.” The man offers. 

“Don’t.” Mel winces at his own voice. That came out wrong - too sharp. He used the wrong font - the one he said that with had too many points. He tries again. “I already canceled it. Cash is easier now.” Tone tone tone. Don’t forget the tone. Mel attempts to do something with his facial muscles, he’s not sure what. The man nods a few times and hands over the cash. 

“I like the register here.” The man says as Mel punches in the the information and the drawer pops out. He counts and recounts the change. Tilts his head to the side. 

“You like… the register?” Mel says slowly. One of the mans’ hands is already outstretched, waiting for the money. Mel places the bills first, and then the coins, letting them fall together in a short lived windchime. 

“When you put the order in, it makes the Sonic the Hedgehog sound.” He elaborates. Mel feels lost in the conversation. “Ba-ling! Ba-ling!” Mel usually tunes out the register, but he knows what sound the man is imitating. “When you pick up rings.” The man is waiting for recognition to light up in Mels’ gaze. Mel should fake it, to save face.

“Is it a good show?” He says instead. The man’s eyebrows raise, then he smiles and shakes his head. 

“It’s not a show - well, it had a show at one point - but it’s a video game. A classic.” Mel nods in understanding. Another bit of pop culture that Mel had failed to catch up on. He knows the contents of leatherbound journals, ancient scrolls, writing etched only on walls and forbidden from being transcribed onto paper. He did not know much else.

“I’m sorry,” And Mel really was. “...I’ve never heard of it.” The man moves his body, and his facial muscles, and Mel compares it to his internal reference guide. This means ‘no big deal’ or something to that affect. 

 “Eh, it’s kind of overrated to be honest. Just makes me think of me and my sister plahying it as kids. Nostalgic, ya feel?” The man nods to himself.”I know not everyone grew up in a Sega household.” He’s starting to gather his things up in his arms, and slice of embarrassment runs through Mels’ spine as he realizes he never bagged the items. In a flurry of hands he fluffs a plastic bad and starts shoving the items that hasn’t gathered up into it. 

“I’m sorry, I forgot-” 

“Don’t worry about it.” He’s good natured, and places the other items back down for Mel to grab. “I didn’t mind carrying this stuff. It’s not that far to my car anyways.” Mel nods but finished the task anyways. Make’s sure everything is int he back just right, that once it’s picked up the drinks won’t crush the chips. When he’s satisfied, he pushes the bag towards the customer. 

“Thanks for your help…” The man’s eyes rove around Mel until they finall land on the nametag. “Mel-shy-wah?” He doesn’t stutter the word, but his voice increases in pitch at the end. An open question without words. 

“Mel-key-oar.” The correction is automatic. He’s standing too stiffly, he should do something with himself. His face, or his body maybe. Mel goes for a shrug, raising his shoulders up and down. Tries to copy the movement the man did earlier, when they were talking about the hedgehog. “It’s my job.” 

“Sorry that’s weird - I hate it when customers know my name without me giving it to them.” The man is apologetic again. Mel doesn’t get it - that’s why he wears a nametag afterall. The customer seems to think he has fallen into some kind of fauxpas. The hand not holding the bag sticks out. “I’m Wren.” He says. “There, now we’re on equal footing.” The man’s lips tily up, and even Mel can tell that’s pleased with himself, that Wren feels like he had managed to save the situation, despite the fact that the situation was not in any danger to being with. 

“Wren.” Mel repeats, because he doesn’t know what else to say, and shakes the proffered hand. The grip is calloused and firm, Mel knows his is too limp by contrast but doesn’t really know how to remedy it. The handshake lasts the wrong amount of time, but Mel has a hard time determining if that is too long or too short. Their hands break apart. “Have a good day.” 

The man gives one last grin, big and easy, and leaves. The bell above the door chimes at the exit. Wrens’ green car leaves, and there is now one car parked, and one car at a pump.

[0rb0t]

ACTUALLY I HAVE MORE TO SAY on that Planetina episode. (Warnings for Rick Sympathizers, I go hard against him in this, even if I love him)

I noticed people were saying that they felt like the writers were more lenient on Planetina because she was a woman, but I don't actually believe that was the case.

The episode is extremely creepy but the thing is, we are seeing it from Morty's perspective. We have spent most of the series seeing stuff from Rick's perspective. This episode was uniquely NOT from Rick's perspective in either plot. It was Morty's or it was Summer's.

Planetina's creepy relationship with Morty was absolutely meant to parallel Rick and Morty's creepy relationship. The episode literally starts with Morty rejecting Rick to be with Planetina-- and not only rejecting Rick, but casting off "immaturity" in order to be with someone he idolizes but also wants to be mature for.

Yes it was mentioned that in the Toxic episode, Morty was with two older women, but you need to think about what that says about Morty at this point. His ideal Healthy was someone who was seen as mature, who wanted to be looked up to, who had confidence. Morty thinks that being a scared kid is toxic and that his ideal healthiness will be a man who has confidence and is mature and will have a mature woman with him. He's literally a middle school boy, this is not abnormal for middle schoolers, and it definitely gets worse when their needs aren't met.

Morty spends the entirety of the Planetina episode falling for this woman he admires, idolizes and thinks it's love, and Planetina takes advantage of that, both by having aspects of the "born sexy yesterday" trope but also because she's really kind to Morty and always says yes to him-- but let's examine that trope for a second here. In this case, Planetina is an adult woman who behaves in a childish manner that is appealing to Morty and makes her seem cute and he wants to do anything for her.

Hm. Rick is literally an adult who behaves in a childish manner that allows him to get on well with teenagers and kids but not so much fellow adults. Rick can also make Morty do almost anything for him, except he's not kind. His kindness is conditional.

TO MY BAD FAITH READERS: STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM

I'm not saying here that anyone who is an adult that behaves childishly is automatically a predator. Rick and Planetina both are predatory towards Morty because they engage with him in highly inappropriate ways because he is a minor and they are adults. Boundaries are broken and reassured it's okay, there's a lot of "don't tell your parents about this" sometimes in actions and not words but Rick has LITERALLY said that out loud-- It's how you treat others that can make you predatory, and Planetina literally keeps encouraging this out of Morty, too.

In reality this episode is kind of an extension of the Toxic episode, because it shows that side of Morty that craves maturity because he can't connect to ANYONE around him, but also he wants so badly to be wanted, to be accepted, to be told he's good and perfect just the way he is. He wants to be loved so badly. So of course he latches onto the first woman who seems to be saying all those things to him because he HASN'T been taught how to avoid these creeps. And then when Beth finally starts stepping up as a mother for Morty, of course he sees this as betrayal-- because in his experience, his family has NEVER had his back. And the entire time, Jerry is playing a childish game where a little guy throws up everywhere LMAO Like, the writing and direction of this episode is so on point, it's Morty going "everyone around me is immature and they do not understand me and they don't want me to be happy" and Planetina takes advantage of that.

It really does not matter if she was genuine or not-- Morty is 14 and she is an adult who is going for the affections of a little boy HJSDFK LIKE. IF YOU FELT CREEPED OUT BY IT, IT'S BECAUSE IT'S CREEPY and it NEVER SHIED AWAY FROM IT. It just feels extra bad because we're getting it from Morty's perspective.

Morty finally puts his foot down when Planetina turns to outright murder--and she even tries to turn it around "You murdered my kids" EVEN THOUGH SHE BASICALLY TOLD HIM TO? She didn't use the words directly but she did tell Morty, KNOWING he was desperate for validation and love, that she was going to be taken away... Morty goes all out, arming himself to prevent that. As badass as this scene was, this entire episode really shows how middle schoolers (esp boys) are able to be groomed and radicalized by dangerous people they admire.

The original post said that the writers are lenient on women groomers but wouldn't act this way if it were men-- Morty likes girls, idk what to tell you. But also the EPISODE was from Morty's perspective. the Mr Jelly Bean episode was not-- it was horrifying but we were still generally from Rick's perspective. And as great as it was to see Rick kill that guy for trying to sexually assault Morty, Rick has not stepped up in a single way SINCE to help teach Morty how to protect himself, to safeguard himself from predators, etc. In fact, all he really aimed to do was make Morty more dependent on him.

I LOVE THESE CHARACTERS BUT I HAVE NO ISSUE SAYIN THIS SHIT CAUSE IT'S TRUE I'm glad Rick is trying NOW but the boundaries between them have long since eroded. Morty is used to being treated like this, and Rick is used to being able to get away with it.

That's why Evil Morty's finale was so poignant-- "I'm not evil, I'm just sick of him" Literally every single time Morty has pushed away from Rick, we get this perspective that Morty is bad and is being mean to Rick. HECK NO-- Morty is showing agency and trying to protect himself.

This episode is no different, he literally DOES break up with Planetina, and she (despite causing all of these situations and having the power in the relationship) blames Morty and acts like he did this to hurt her and leaves. And Morty wails openly into his mom's embrace, because Beth is there to comfort her son who is BROKEN over it.

And then these parallels are LITERALLY MET in the pre-finale episode where Rick is like I DONT NEED YOU MORTY I CAN REPLACE YOU WITH TWO CROWS--

The Planetina episode is MEANT to be watched with the finale episodes.

I don't think it's fair to blame the writers for something that they were really REALLY smart about writing in these episodes. To say that the writers didn't make it blatant is... frankly untrue... This show does not work as well when they have to look at the camera and go "THING BAD" because the entire show has had Rick grooming Morty into becoming exactly like him and that ends up being more acceptable to a lot of people because a lot of people are biased towards Rick.

And I understand the pull! I love Rick Sanchez! He's very relatable! But he's also quite literally a "do not be me" type of warning character LMAO He's a cautionary tale, at all times.

This show is entertainment first, it's not meant to be watched as education, its primary focus is to tell stories. If you learn something from it, GREAT! But the most bad faith interpretations because you're uncomfortable about how something is shown isn't actually conducive to anyone's learning.

Next time you feel uncomfortable while watching Rick and Morty, ask yourself why, and be prepared that those feelings of discomfort MAY BE MIRRORED IN ASPECTS OF RICK AND HIS GRANDSON'S PORTRAYAL. This is how I learned to stop believing anything Rick had to say about Jerry, because it's usually projection.

[cybertron-after-dark]

What are the humans like in wayward sparks? Are there any notable ones?

They're not necessarily as prominent in the story as they tend to be in any canon series that includes them, but they're definitely there. The bots spend the first arc just trying to survive on earth until they find a way home, and they have quite a few run ins with the locals. Most of which are relatively unhinged, many of which are not very friendly, because they crash in an itty bitty, rural new england mountain town called Ironwood, wayyyyy out in the sticks. Most residents aren't particularly afraid to fire at will when giant robot aliens decide to show up.

Least alien-friendly would be Rusty Williams, a local logger with one hell of a trigger finger for anyone and anything on his property he sees as a threat. Aliens, government agents asking a few too many questions, cops, whatever. All of them only get one warning.

Fortunately for the stranded Cybertronians, gunshots aren't really fatal or even particularly damaging long-term for giant robots that can put themselves back together if they sustain enough damage to fall to pieces. Unfortunately, they still do enough damage to tear through their outer armor layers and that tends to hurt like a bitch.

In the very least, there are plenty of humans around with their heads screwed on right that won't try to blast anything that looks at them funny. Like Rusty's Daughter, Crystal.

That said, Crystal is an elusive type. A middle schooler Going Through It, trying REALLY hard to be edgy so people stay away (hence the $2 Spirit Halloween horns headband), she'd really prefer to spend her free time hiding in the woods where nobody can perceive her. Thats been a little more difficult ever since a bunch of giant robots started stomping around out there and all they know about her is her dad is super cringe, so she's pretty scared of a bad first imprsssion.

She'd be lying if she said she didn't want to be friends with them (which she does lie about frequently because ew, genuine feelings), especially the Decepticons, because she thinks they're cooler, but she also knows her dad would flip his lid if he knew.

Also interested in approaching the Resident Aliens, is Marie Lambert.

Marie's only just recently moved into Ironwood. It's been a rocky transition to say the least. Her dad's a biologist, a real science-y type, and he moved out to the boonies to be closer to the wildlife. Marie's plenty used to being out in the sticks, camping trips with her dad were a regular occurrence before the move, but it's a little hard to get used to the new place when there aren't very many kids her age around. And the ones that are there aren't exactly very welcoming to flatlanders showing up taking over the place.

But in the very least, Marie makes ONE friend when she finds Crystal out in the woods. And a few more when they find what the adult residents of Ironwood have been telling them to stay the hell away from.

They don't approach them straightaway (mostly because their first encounter consists of watching Shockwave scare away Bumblebee, and Shockwave skulking off when he realizes he spooked the Autobot), but the next day at school they start Planning. They HAVE to know more about the robots, and they're willing to pool their resources and information to make that happen. They figure if there's two sides and they don't play nice with each other, it's easiest for one girl to pick one side and they tell each other whatever they can find out.

This begins several beautiful friendships

Marie chooses to gather info on the Autobots. Mostly because, well, they seem less scary and potentially friendlier. She tries the polite thing (which she's hoping will result in the least possible chance for things to go off the rails) and knocks right on their door. The bots aren't really sure how to respond to a very small, very shy alien critter that showed up right at their door to ask what they are and if she can hang out. Marie isn't sure if any of this was a good idea.

They turn out to be pretty welcoming, especially because organics that aren't actively shooting at them are a nice change of pace.

She gets especially close with Bumblebee. Hes comforting. Makes her feel like everything's going to be okay. She gets pretty anxious, and he's good at keeping her grounded. So far, anyway...

On Crystal's side, it's been... Well, it's been different.

The cons would not admit it on their deathbeds but good lord did Crystal scare the slag out of them when they first realized she was there. She snuck right on aboard their crashed ship and nobody noticed her for about 15 minutes.

After the initial scare, and a bunch of big bad giant robots scrambling around because there is a Tiny Squishy Critter in their Space and they do NOT know what to do about that, Crystal starts in trying to get answers. Answers most of the cons aren't particularly willing to give out (other than Shockwave, who is just very excited at the opportunity to make a new friend).

Megatron eventually deems her more or less harmless. She isn't really causing problems or hurting anyone, she doesn't appear to be hostile (other than hissing at Lugnut when he got too close), and he can't really fault the little gremlin for her curiosity. An ally in a foreign world can be very very valuable when you're stranded, so he lets her stay, "as long as she doesn't get in the way."

Marie and Crystal meet up at school during lunch to share notes. It gets confusing trying to keep track of everything when the two sides give conflicting information so often. The girls try to keep an open mind. Hard to remember things about someone you don't like, but they can't really figure out which version is true for any given story, but they're hoping if they spend enough time with their robot friends, they'll figure it out together.

Maybe they can even help the bots and the cons make up. It's just a silly fight, after all.

It's not like anyone's going to get hurt, right? They're all good people.

[anarchoarchie]

i always used to say if i had a time machine the first thing i’d do would be to go back in time and punch my middle school self in the face but now that i’m an adult i’m like what kind of business do i have hating on some mentally ill middle schooler!! like that’s a baby!!!! oh you’d punch a baby? a depressed baby?? you would hurt the sad and scared child who literally kept you alive and took care of you so you could be here today????? what the fuck is wrong with you??!!!!! anyways i think if i had a time machine now i’d go back to eighth grade to hug that cringe little weirdo and tell them i’m proud of them

[what-have-i-unleashed]

warning: terrible long yapping

(more serious warnings: heavy discussion of violence)

so it all started in 2015 when a little game called UNDERTALE came out. i was a middle-schooler back then in a periphery country who was way into weeb culture that it was inevitable i'd be one of the first people in my class to play it. it was really fun, especially when all of us gremlin children would sneak my newly gained gaming laptop (by 2015 standards lol) into the classroom so that we could take turns on battles of the touhou-esque bullet hell caliber. and like young delinquents, we did the no mercy route just to see what would happen, as so many other people on forums and whisper networks talked about this one very interesting and creepy aspect of the game.

after that, it was just a couple steps away from the rabbit hole that i fell into the undertale fandom. mind you, i was only passable with english back then, so most of my fandom interaction was with my countrymen and other friends who were also into fandom. we did theories, argued about interpretations, translated overseas fanworks, and messed around with game codes a lot just to, again, see what would happen. UNDERTALE was very much not just a game to us but an experience, and i remembered getting scared so bad when i accidentally encountered the anti-hacker message - messed me up for nights hahaha. but that was just being a fan to me.

it was, i think, months later when i heard about this funny thing called underfell. i thought it was stupid at first, but my friends started to really get into it. i had this one classmate who was super into undertale aus, and she would draw grillby from different continuities (mostly underfell) and share them with me. i was, admittedly, a bit bored with it, because to me the game still had so much more thing to discuss, so much more to explore. so why would you bother making new alternate universes out of it? i guess i was more into the alternate timelines than alternate universes (maybe still am a bit).

and then on a lunch break in 2016, one of my friends told me: "hey, so have you heard of this thing called dusttale on deviantart? i think you'd like it. it has the same vibes to tokyo ghoul."

mind you, that tokyo ghoul comment was a jab at my edgy taste. but i bit the bait and looked it up on deviantart and pinterest. and i was hooked.

so full disclaimer: i hated sans undertale lol. i was so happy whenever i got to kill him, and i think i killed him like at least 10 times during my time in school. like, i didn't even care about finishing the no mercy route - after i killed him, i just reset and started the whole game again. i was a menace of a child. so when i saw that dusttale was about how the human repeats the no mercy routes to the point that sans goes crazy, i was so interested. it felt like a condemnation of my actions in the game itself, but also a validation for the type of player that i was. it all felt so personal, all of it.

i guess part of it was that i felt i could finally be the one in power here - i was the one who broke sans, the normally chill and uncaring guy. it felt rebellious in a way, the way i could have more power over an adult. if you know my lore already, this won't be anything new - but i was somewhat of a child delinquent, and specifically i was in a small biker gang. i hung out with a lot of "cooler" older students (high-schoolers, college students) who often did illegal street racing. i was such a troublesome child, but like also it was a reprieve for me away from the stressful academic expectations placed upon me.

i guess in a way i have always been attracted to violence and the idea of it. i didn't understand why, and i don't think i even fully understand my psyche now. i got into fights a lot as a child, when the consequences were non-existent. i knew it too - that once i grew up, became of legal age, i couldn't do it anymore. i don't think i grew up in a violent background, but i was brought up in a more traditionally masculine culture, and i was also the eldest child. i often rough-housed with older kids and hung out at constructions, climbing dangerous places like the monkey kid that i was. i got hurt a lot, mostly by my own actions. i got hospitalized way too many times for my stupid mistakes, but i kept pushing and pushing it. i don't know how to say this delicately, but i think i had (and maybe still have) a complicated relationship with violence (especially on the body itself) that is way too personal to elaborate. to keep it short, i think over time i started to notice how i identify with some parts of murder sans and dusttale that hit way too close to home. that monotony of endless meaningless loops outside of his control, that addiction to never stopping the enjoyment, that rush of righteous retribution, that rationalization of destructive behaviors - murder sans feels like the player, like me.

admittedly, maybe i just simply like him because i have a history of liking edgy stories (read: tokyo ghoul). i wasn't and am not terribly embarrassed at being called an edgy edgelord, because it is accurate to a degree. i was so inundated with stereotypically edgy and emo culture artifacts that it just makes sense why i would be this way. and i think maybe it can be just that. so... lol.

who else wants to hear me explain in full why i like murder sans....... 😔

[nex-ture]

Hi sweetie <3! I'm not sure if your request still opened but in that chance i was wondering if you can do a Shigaraki, Tanaka(Haikyuu), Reki, Hanako kun and Kaeya with a male reader who is like, shorty and likes soft things¿ if there are to much characters is enought Hanako and Tanaka, thnks!(srry if is badly worded, i just still learning English •w•) take your time ^^

I've never written for Sk8 or Toilet bound so I'm super excited for this one! And yes my requests are open and will always be open!! Sorry this took a little while I've been a bit busy. Hope I did good <3

Included: Shigaraki, Tanaka, Reki, Hanako, and Kaeya x Short!Soft!Male reader!

Tomura Shigaraki

"You look..cute." Need he say more? Your fashion choices were different than what people saw as "masculine"

These are the things that drew him to you. You gave off a different aura than others. He loved you for that.

If he could stop time just to sit and stare at you he would. "Thank you Tomura.." Your voice was soft yet truthful.

Once he fixes the world, he will make sure you will get everything you want- no, deserve. You are his king.

You being his king is clearly shown when you leave the base. You don't get yourself involved with the LOV mostly because of you safety. He worrys every second your gone. He doesn't want anything bad to happen to you. He has many enemies and people looking for him, people definently know about you.

He dearly cares about you and your safety. He would do anything to protect you, even if it cost him his life.

Ryūnosuke Tanaka

You are his god. Everything you do sends butterflies into his stomach. Everytime you walk into the room he suffocates.

He will make a scene everytime you walk into a room, was he wrong to do so? No. You were absolutely stunning, you turned heads everywhere you went. Sometimes it would be people judging your appearance, Tanaka would not let tbat slide.

No one could disrespect you, if you ever got upset he would take you shopping to buy anything you'd like. Your room would fill with cute objects that fit you aesthetic.

Tanaka knew he was lucky to have you, and he would always treasure that. Seeing you was all the proof he needed to know he had one at life.

His handsome god gleaming in the moonlight was a sight he never knew he always needed.

Reki Kyan

Ever since you started dating he would try to teach you to skate. Everytime you tried you got hurt.

He made you a skate board that was a beautiful pastel pink and blue, it had a cute bunny on the bottom aswell. Even though you had a board you were too scared to skate

Slowly you got better, you took a lot longer than he did to learn to skate. He was proud of you when you fi ally got all the basics and few tricks down.

You were never alowed to go to "S" with him. When he would tell you the storys of what happened you'd feel bad that you weren't there, but you knew you shouldn't go for many reasons.

Even though you couldn't go to "S" he still introduced his skate family yo you. It contains his best friend, a middle schooler, and three adults. Lets say it was concerning at first.

Reki would invite you to skate with him and his family sometimes. Everytime you came Langa would complement your fashion, skateboard, and tricks.

Reki would get jealous a lot, but knew Langa only Meant well. You slowly became apart of this family and became a skater at "S"

Yugi Amane/Hanako-kun

"You look adorable!" He loved the way your soft style of clothing looked next to his dark uniform.

It was a blessing that you found him. Ypu would help Nene and Kou clean the bathroom and Amane would always mess with your hair/Shirt. He thought you were the most perfect thing in the world.

It took him a while to feel comfortable introducing you to his brother. When he did Tsukasa was so offended that it took so long for you two to meet. None the less he thought you were perfect for his older brother.

He liked bringing you to boundaries with him and his friends. He would always protect you from anything attacking. You were his number one concern.

You would always leave boundaries unharmed thanks to Hanako. He never wanted this to end.

Too bad humans grow up, and ghosts don't.

Kaeya Alberich

Compliments, it seems the only words he knew were words that would boost you ego. You never minded, you found them cute.

Along with all the nicknames and compliments, he would buy you everything you could ever want. He was the Cavalry captain after all.

All the bights loved you, amber especially. She thought you were adorable and perfect for Kaeya.

Dilucs thoughts of you were not great at first. You were dsting his brother, the brother he Hates.

Well, no matter what he said truly all he wated you to do was take care of Kaeya. He cared about him, not that he would ever say that to anyones face.

Take care of Kaeya for him.

Make Kaeyas life have a hapoy ending, okay?

[emetophobiahelp]

Not a movie/show question but I'm going to Florida hopefully by April next year and I'm taking a plane bc it's faster, I've NEVER been on a plane before and everyone who has this phobia knows there's NO escape on a plane... Can't run and hide, can't hide in the bathroom or anything... I'm wondering if anyone has experience with the phobia and flying especially for first timers? I love being on boats so is it any similar? How can I help prepare myself? I have headphones, mint gum, travel tabs and all the emetophobia healing stuff but I'm wondering if I'll need more? I've been told you can't be asleep before boarding a plane so if I take sleep meds I may be screwed but it would help calm me down fast since I don't trust any other drugs but those. Also it would be a 3 hour flight I'm told bc for every day is an hour in the sky my dad says so 3 hours isn't much but I'm so scared I'm ready to call it off... But I have to go bc my gf is proposing to me once I get there, we had everything planned out ahead of time bc we don't like surprises. My gfs understanding as hell but... I'm so scared and I'm so sick of this, what feels like disease taking over my life... I've missed out on SO many things bc of this stupid fear... Even my graduations.. I almost missed my aunts celebration of life too bc I was being forced into a car with my 6 year old nephew and I do NOT trust kids at ALL... Sorry for the rambling, I'd love some advice if possible please...

so I actually love flying lol I've done quite a bit of solo flying as an adult and flew a bit as a kid, both with family and on school trips. the best thing about being on a flight when it comes to emet is that you actually generally are in your own little world. with the pressurized air and such there's a good amount of white noise blocking out sounds, and add your headphones to that and you can't hear much.

as far as sleep meds, I definitely wouldn't take anything BEFORE boarding because you might miss the boarding announcements. but once you board and get seated and settled, you should be fine if you feel comfortable doing that. depending on what kind of sleeper you are and what time it is, you may not even need that. on flights at night and in the morning they turn the lights off so it's dark anyway.

I would also recommend trying for a window seat bc then you are even more "isolated" from what other people are doing. you can just stare out the window and focus on that. but if you think you would feel too trapped or think you would need the bathroom, aisles are alright too! 3 hours is a pretty short flight tbh so I think you'll do great!

in ALL of my flights over the years, I've only been aware of two times I was in "proximity" to people v*ing. the first was in middle school on a school trip and it happened MANY rows behind me and the only reason I found out is because middle schoolers love to gossip lmao. I never saw or heard anything! the second time was in college when I studied abroad in india, and one of my tripmates had taken an edible before the FIFTEEN hour flight and then slept the entire time without eating anything else. so that was definitely an exceptional situation lol. and I managed to see that she was starting to feel s* when she woke up so I swapped seats with someone in an aisle further away from her. it happened right at the end of the flight and even though I was very shaken by it, it's actually one of my proudest emet victories in my whole life. and again, I tell you those stories not to hike up your fear, but to show that they're RARE! most people have experience flying and know their bodies and how they handle things. even people without emet take necessary steps to avoid these things!

I hope that's helpful :)

[shoichee]

okok hc or fic: reader was teiko’s “head” manager(?) and her talent was being a medic (if someone gets injured they’re back on the court in under a minute type thing) and training plans. suddenly momoi’s talent blooms, she starts working w/ everyone in the team (+ reader’s crush akashi) and people think she’s a better manager than reader. because of this, she overworks + collapses in front of her best friends kuroko + kise (don’t let akashi know yet i have plans for that 👀)

HELLO? YES OFFICER? I JUST FOUND A BANGER REQUEST RIGHT HERE? YOUR BRAIN IS SO BIG AND SEXY IVE BEEN DYING TO WRITE THIS🏃🏻‍♀️💨 part 2 here and part 3 here AND update: part 4 here

Akashi x Reader

[Teiko!manager Headcanons]

you had a knack of being a natural chiropractor in loosening up tense muscles instantly (for more fluid play) or easily putting in back dislocated joints

basically you have crackhands

in your free time as a hobby and a job as the “head manager” (that Akashi announced to the team himself), you’d often bury yourself in anatomy studies and gym plans on the internet and databases to review over Akashi’s team training routines to see if they were effective and safe; oftentimes, you’d return back with improved plans, and as time went on, Akashi entrusted you with creating the plans yourself completely

you took on the job so eagerly to impress the Teiko captain, if you were being honest to yourself

your enthusiasm even inspires Momoi, Teiko’s other manager, to work harder

no one in Teiko knows physiology better than you, and as expected, it was also your best subject along with health

Kise often looks at you in horror and respect at how you don’t cringe/flinch at the loud cracks resonating across the room or court when players come to you for instant relief (the origin story of how he came to call you (y/n)-cchi was the very fact that you manage to put back his dislocated shoulder in 3 seconds flat one game)

when Kuroko first joined the 1st-string, he was a walking magnet for injuries, and you ended up being there for him every single time… nosebleeds? check. sprained ankle? check. nausea from over exhaustion? check.

both you and Kuroko relish in the fact that everyone in the team can never understand how the both of you do some incredible things with your hands

both of you being quite dexterous, you both often teach each other your specialties for fun; it’s almost shocking to see Kuroko effortlessly loosening up a stress knot and you pulling off a well-done palm pass

you admit, you do juggle a lot of responsibilities… from being a makeshift nurse, to a chiropractor, to a budget gym coach, and even to being moral support

Momoi often reminds you to take breaks being the caring person that she is

you often showed her the ropes and tricks of being a manager, on top of your duties, and you find it really endearing that she’s so earnest in learning from you

even if you enjoyed doing what you do, part of the massive workload is to try to get into Akashi’s good graces

talking to him about basketball duties is easier to achieve than talking to him outside of the extracurricular

you might be a tad bit insecure about it; after all, what middle schooler is already so accomplished in academics, sports, and everything you could think of? wasn’t he also studying to take over his father’s company??

to you, who only starred as Teiko’s humble manager, it felt hard trying to establish common ground for conversation outside of basketball

so you stuck to working hard at your position, hoping that your work ethic would get his attention one day; you were a firm believer of actions over words, so you hoped your actions would come off as genuine

picture you and Momoi running across campus with stacks of papers for the team… it makes most of the teammates’ hearts melt at the sight

your work certainly got you praises from other teammates, but out of all players, Kise was the one who figured out your motive

you felt absolutely morbid; to think that Kise, of all people, would figure you out like the back of his hand

Kise being sweet as he is, offers to help you get with the captain but you merely prompted to threaten to break his arm if he spilled your crush to anyone else

“(y/n)-cchi… I’ve been thinking.”

“Yes, Kise?”

“It’s really cool that you’re working so tirelessly for the team, but I can’t help but wonder if there’s a reason why you work so hard.”

“O-Of course I do! I want to see you guys all succeed!”

“Then I’m curious as to why you always look at Akashicchi—o-ow, ow, ow!! (y/n)-cchi, I’m sorry! So can you please let go of my—ow!”

“H-How did you know?!”

“I-It was as obvious as day, (y/n)-cchi! I’m pretty sure even Kurokocchi found out about this before I did!”

“N-No way!!”

“Tell you what, I’m super duper knowledgeable in this stuff! You can count on me for this sort of advice—OW!”

spoiler alert: Kise was right in that Kuroko definitely noticed your attraction to Akashi before anyone else… he just never brought it up to you

one day, Kuroko comes up to you to whisper:

“(y/n)-san, have you realized that Akashi-kun has been observing you recently during practice?”

“W-Wait! Is he looking over here right now?”

“Not that I think. He’s occupied with the coach right now.”

“D-Do you think this is a good sign?”

Kuroko gives you a small smile before he replies, “I would like to think so. Keep working hard, (y/n)-san.”

and you do, you’re constantly on top of your game for the next season until Momoi suddenly gets more recognition for her “precognitive defense” skills

her newfound talent was extraordinary and never-before-seen, and her ability became more critical to Teiko’s victories than your own skills

you were happy and proud for her, because after all, her achievements were extremely deserving to be praised

it’s only when some 1st-string players started making offhand comments about how you weren’t really needed in the 1st-string and was more suited to the lower strings that placed seeds of doubt into you

these people would often compare you to Momoi in how she improved much more despite you being in the team for longer

there’s also talk about how your skills are more useful for 2nd-string and 3rd-string players because Momoi’s ability is already sufficient enough for Teiko’s starters

after all, how would a player even be injured if they can predict their opponents’ moves to avoid such incidents?

there’s also the fact that Akashi has been calling Momoi more frequently to research on upcoming teams for analytical data because her talent has become very useful to ensuring victory

the same peers and adults who gave you praise were the same people who began to ignore you or dismiss you; that being said, the collective change in attitude is definitely subtle enough that it would fly under most people’s radars

Kuroko was the first to notice and defend you against a small group of players who were bold enough to badmouth you in the gym

Kise would find out a little later about the somewhat unpleasant gossip about you and would pull the “no you” reverse card, returning back with MEANER underhanded comments that would send these shit talkers CRYING HOME (manga Kise strikes here unexpectedly eh?)

Murasakibara is someone who would be slightly uncomfortable with the gossip about you, especially since you’ve always been so helpful and kind to the team and himself; he’d either leave the room himself or easily scare them away with his looming height and presence without saying a single word when he enters the room “minding his own business”

Midorima is a bystander judging from how he’s reacted to the Teiko dynamic changes in the actual show // he, of course, wouldn’t like the nasty talk about you but would actually mind his own business, choosing to focus on himself and what he has to do to contribute to his team; he assumes that you would work hard the same way he is and let your contributions do the talking

now Akashi surprisingly wouldn’t hear much of the gossip, since his presence alone SHUTS them up and commit to their practices like normal; after all, it’s very clear that Akashi doesn’t tolerate this type of behavior in the team (example: Haizaki), and it’s more apparent that he wouldn’t hesitate to drop kick them out especially since he has a soft spot for you (which Kise never fails to bring this up to you, but you think he’s reaching too much into it) // TLDR; the teammates mostly have the common sense to not utter anything bad about you… maybe one kid would slip out and get punished for “bad sportsmanship,” but Akashi merely assumes that it’s just one bad apple and not necessarily… the many others as well

Aomine???? bro he ain’t even at practice wdym (HELPPP LMAOO) // jokes aside, if he catches wind of players shit-talking outside of the gym… say at the convenience store or when he’s walking home or something, well… they wouldn’t have a good time…

Momoi simply chastises the gossipers when they try to talk shit on you to make Momoi herself look good, and it leaves? such? a? horrible? taste? like, she wants to believe that they’re just really poor jokes and not what they really believe in, and the teammates merely reassure her that they’re just bad jokes and that they “wouldn’t do it again;” poor Momoi wholeheartedly believes them

the weird talks about Momoi being “the better manager” just signalled to you that you haven’t contributed enough to the team yet, and it motivated you to work even harder

oddly, you weren’t jealous of the fact that Momoi was receiving more positive attention than you

you were more afraid of the fact that you were going to get left behind, and this fear only tightened its hold on you when more teammates (who used to talk to you a lot) have changed their tunes when they speak with you now, compared to them talking to Momoi

and you felt that the Generation of Miracles would do the same too… including Akashi

it wasn’t an irrational fear for you because he’s already been calling Momoi a lot more frequently for help than you recently

so you even offered to mop the gym floors after practice, offered to stay later than usual to be the one to lock up the gym for anyone (cough, Kuroko) who wanted to practice whenever they wanted

at one point, you even tried to do what Momoi does: researching on upcoming teams and making your own predictions (that didn’t really work, and that cost you a few nights’ worth of sleep every single time)

not to mention that you still had regular school like any other student? you were the epitome of a mess

Kuroko was with you in the empty gym, you putting away the extra basketballs in the storage closet while he practiced his dribbling, until he heard a crash in there and a few basketballs rolled out the door

you collapsed right when you rolled in the basketball cart

POOR KUROKO HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO // he just tries to give you a piggyback ride as he abandons his plans of practice and tries to jog to the nearest local clinic

that’s where he bumped into Kise, who was heading home after an evening shoot when he saw the two of you

chaos ensue as Kise freaks out and Kuroko had to calm him down himself after answering the never-ending questions

at least the doctor there gave relieving news that you only collapsed from over-exhaustion and that the bruises from the fall were very faint

Kise makes a joke to Kuroko about, “What’s with you and (y/n)-cchi falling to the floor and fainting? You guys can’t be that alike.”

when you shortly regain consciousness, you were met with a… very stern Kuroko and Kise, who were both ready to hear your explanation and to scold you to oblivion

to your surprise, they were understanding; Kuroko understands the feeling of not being enough and working hard to meet other people’s expectations, and Kise understands the struggle of juggling multiple things in his schedule (come on, student, athlete, and model?)

they still scolded your ears off:

“(y/n)-san, you idiot. Why didn’t you ask anyone to help out?”

“That’s…”

“(y/n)-cchi, do you think we’re undependable?!”

“Er, no, that’s…”

you were still dizzy from the fall and the lack of proper sleep (and maybe nutrition if we’re being honest), and you were just a ball of stress

you kind of begged your best friends not to tell a SOUL to anyone about this incident, especially to Akashi… you didn’t want to look even more incapable in his eyes than you already were

they do agree on one condition: for you to take AT LEAST a day or two off school to completely recover and rest up (you reluctantly agree; besides how were you going to explain the bruises that can’t be covered to your peers?)

HELP WHY ARE KISE AND KUROKO THE BEST LIARS TOGETHER ON CAMPUS LITERALLY NO ONE SUSPECTS A THING… except Akashi, the ever sharp captain, felt something was amiss

especially since some Teiko players emanated a feeling of relief at the news of you not being here that day, or the next

Akashi would play detective sleuth and find out what’s really going on sooner or later

End Note: gonna cut this off here b/c I KNOW this anon got a juicy part two i FEEL IT

[anxious2dsimp]

Reki, Miya and langa from sk8 ☁️♀

Hi anon! Thank you for requesting Sk8, I've been waiting for this one, turn it up >:) Since you didn't specify theme or format I'm just gonna write a random fluffy drabble for each!

Random Fluffy Drables! | Reki, Langa, & Platonic!Miya

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡*✧･ﾟ:˚۰˚☽˚｡･:

Pairings: Reki x Reader, Langa x Reader, Platonic!Miya & Reader

Flavor: Fluff ☁️

Reader: Fem!Reader (she/her)

Format: Drabbles

Warnings: None!

A/N: I decided Miya's is gonna be platonic bc I feel comfortable writting about him that way, sorry!

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡*✧･ﾟ:˚۰˚☽˚｡･:

Reki

If there's two things that are consistent about Reki is that he loves skateboarding more than anything and he's great at it. How you managed to change those two main things about the redhead not even a minute into meeting him is truly baffling. It was a sunny afternoon when Reki was aimlessly riding his skateboard around town, his eyes drifting around the relatively busy store-filled street. That was, until you came out of one of the buildings a couple stores ahead, because once he spotted you he couldn't look away. You were putting on your headphones, brushing the hair out of your face to reveal the prettiest girl he'd ever seen, features graced by the warm sunlight as your eyes were lost somewhere among the clouds. A million thoughts raced through his mind; would it be creepy to approach you, there's no way you'd notice him, maybe he could impress you with a cool trick? Unfortunately for him he had nearly caught up to you and couldn't make up his mind, but suddenly he snapped out of his thoughts by a thunk and a force propelling him forward. He was so busy looking at you he didn't notice the uneven sidewalk, his front wheels getting stuck and sending him flying only to land in front of you. "Oh my god, are you ok?" You asked worriedly as you crouched down before the stranger that had been catapulted by his board. "I- uh- hi?" Reki sounded more panicked than you were, and mentally kicked himself for being such an idiot, but the sound of your stiffled laugh made him stop that line of thought in an instant. "Hi, please tell me you're ok, or else I should really stop laughing," you commented wittily as you offered him your hand. "No, it's fine! I'm fine, you can keep laughing, it sounds so pretty you're making me feel better," Reki confessed as he took your hand and brought himself up, dusting his jeans before his cheeks begun burning a darker shade of red when he lifted his gaze to meet your flustered face. Did he really just say that outloud? He must have hit his head hard then. "Thanks! I'm (y/n), and you are?" God, you're smile was making his heart race more than S. "Reki," he said, probably a little to quickly, but at that point he didn't care. "Well, Reki, you should probably be more careful when you're skating," you teased, silently hoping your conversation didn't end there and he was as intrigued in you as you were in him. Little did you know that he would try his best to get to see you again, because in that brief interaction, you had transformed his world and what he thought he knew.

Langa

"Langa! you were amazing out there," you exclaimed breathily as you jumped into your friend's arms after him winning the S race. The pale boy squeezed you in response and thanked you, his smile still ecstatic from all the adrenaline. "We've been friends for so long, I can't believe this is the first race you ever invite me to," you said once he put you down, only half joking. "To be fair, S is kind of dangerous, but it surprises me too," Langa said truthfully, but before you could reply you heard some new voices behind you. "Who's the new slime?" "Langa brought a girl, he's learning from me!" "Well this is unprecedented." You whirled around to find a black-haired middle schooler, and three rather unique looking adults. Not really knowing what to reply, you were lucky your other friend Reki made his way past them and introduced you in the process. "This is (y/n), Langa and I's friend from school," the redhead said proudly. After they introduced themselves, you made some small talk with the group, but had to excuse yourself to reply to a phonecall. "So, Snow, what's up with you two?" Joe asked as he wiggled his brows. "What do you mean?" Langa replied, clueless as ever as everyone else stared in disbelief. "We mean that this is the first person you invite to S, and whenever you look at her your eyes sparkle like you're talking about skateboarding," Cherry attempted to clarify. "Or how during the race you pulverized the guy who was hitting on her earlier," Shadow chimed in once he saw Langa was still not getting it. "They're asking if you like her bro," Reki said with a rowdy smile as Langa turned totally red at the suggestion. "Wha- I care for her as a friend! Right? That's what friends do?" Langa didn't know why he was getting defensive, but he felt that his heart was gonna explode if they didn't change the subject. "Well, your slime buddy is getting hit on again," Miya said, slightly amused as he pointed with his head. Langa's body moved before he could even tell, and next thing he knew he was standing beside you as he silently glared at the guy he won against. "I'm sorry," the guy who was now clearly uncomfortable said as he lifted his arms in fake surrender, "I should have known you two were together." You just became a flustered mess, watching the guy leave as you turned to face your friend, stoic as ever but with a faint pink dusting his cheeks. "What was that about?" You asked. "You looked uncomfortable," he stated simply as he grabbed your arm, softly dragging you back to the group, who were all smiling knowingly. "Also, I wouldn't oppose to it y'know," his voice was barely above a whisper, but you were sure you heard him right, the sound of your heartbeat filling your ears immediately after. That night definitely was important for your relationship, just not in the "friendly" way you both initially thought.

Miya

Miya's gaze fell to the floor as his name was called to come up front for the freestyle skateboarding competition he was at. You had promised to come see him and support him like the good friend you were, but had yet to show up, leading the boy grit his teeth to bear the dissapointment that weighed him down. 'Of course (y/n) wouldn't show up, she's another slime, I should have known I'm stuck in a single player game,' Miya thought to himself as he walked up to the center of the area, readjusting his helmet while turning to face the judges. He was so caught up in his head that he didn't notice the commotion going on in the corner, where amongst the crowd whispered complains were heard followed by a seemingly neverending loop of apologies. Out of breath and hoping you weren't late you finally managed to squeeze past the group to end up in the front row before the area, seeing that much to your delight Miya had yet to start. However, your content smile at having made it in time despite your setbacks quickly vanished at the sight of his frown. Did he think you had forgotten? "MIYA! GOOD LUCK!" You yelled over the loudspeaker music and monotone sound of conversation from the crowd, the blackette's eyes instantly lighting up at the familiar voice. His eyes finally landed on you, and you could visibly tell he was holding back from grinning too hard as he gave you a small nod of acknowledgement; I'm glad you made it. After a great routine, he got off the judging area and headed to the water fountains, where you two had previously scheduled to meet. "I'm so sorry I was late, I had some problems that held me back, but I'm glad I made it on time! You were great out there," you rambled to your friend as he took a swig from his water bottle. "It's whatever," he replied contently, yet you knew something was up with the way his eyes avoided yours. "Miya, I can tell something's bothering you, y'know." After a hesitant glance, the boy sighed and finally looked you in the eye. "Sorry, it's just... I was scared you were gonna ditch me," he confessed, adding in a voice barely above a whisper, "like my old friends." Your heart broke at his words; though he kept up this unbothered facade, he did care for all of this stuff on the inside. "I would never, Miya. You're a great friend, and you deserve nothing less from me," you reassured him, giving him a tight hug that he barely reciprocated, but you knew him well enough to see that he appreciated it from the look in his eyes. "You better keep your word, or else you'd go down from being a friend-slime to a regular one," he joked, earning a lighthearted chuckle from both of you as the sadness cleared from the air around you two.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡*✧･ﾟ:˚۰˚☽˚｡･:

[icharchivist]

hey icha! back again w/ a3 Thoughts, lol. this will be short as its just abt into the night! i was so confused at first bc i was like is this an ALL MEMBERS event but then after they split into teams i felt much more normal abt it lol... anyways the clothing store f&f. i wondered if thats supposed to be like, h&m but i was thinking like. what are the possibilities of what each f stands for... fashion fur flawless fabulous frills forever theres a whole lot of things. but i think the funniest option for me is that f&f stands for 4 and 5 and nobody knows why. im glad we got to follow the group we did but i would love to have just. seen a birds eye view of the masumi group because sakuya taichi and kazunari in one and sakuya running after him... it is funny to me. also im obsessed with yuki being part of running the punishment. sakyo you are letting this fourteen year old run WILD. anyways loved the part before they got in costume where yuki was like "ya they were gone a while ago. i didn’t say anything tho." *points affectionately at him* middle schooler. i was also pleasantly surprised the main cg was banri and yuki? like, i was totally expecting itaru to feature and perhaps get in a conflict with yuki but this was actually a really subdued event! that felt really fresh to me, that it didnt like escalate into heavy drama or anything. also the cg was soooo cute. like banri and yuki smiling!! having fun!!! i also really liked that it was banri to give yuki advice since hes not even that much older than yuki so it makes it like, More Meaningful. the way in highschool the people i was friends with who were one or two years older than me did sooooo much to help me figure out applications to university! uhhh other notes i had... the part where izumi decides the theme was 'pet shop' while staring at tsuzuru and yuki was hilarious. its like. the event itself pauses for a long enough time that i was staring at yuki and tsuzuru and it really felt like a horror movie zoom even before izumi announced the theme. again i also liked that none of the acting challenges posed a problem! like there wasnt any huge conflict going on just a bunch of little things and that was a rly cool vibe. the aaron guy who challenged them,, hes funny. he gives me "was a chuuni" vibes but then again theatre kids are just Like That so maybe he's just accurate rep yknow. also itaru's alex in wonderland outfit complements his eyes sooooo well for real. homare lending azuma marshmellows to coax hisoka for the duration of the event is so funny. them specifially worrying about a marshmellow scarcity also makes me laugh. like... im just sitting there like. do u think homare sat down and calculated like "hm... this is probably how many marshmallows they need" i want to know how this went. also while the no signal is realistic i cant beleive banri and itaru had to sit down while playing. like sorry if im built different but i always play gacha games while walking. also i do want to say at the end while they were talking abt while tenma was last i was like "bet he got scared of the forest/a ghost and ran" and then they were like shitty sense of direction but later misumi said he was scared of the forest and i felt so vindicated. anyways i liked that itaru takes them to f&f at the end! thats the power of a working adult huh... it did make me think tho like. does yuki approve of banris fashion choices. bc they are Choices.

HEYAA!! welcome back :D a pleasure to see you back again!!

Oh man i LOVE Into the Night, i'm glad you got to reach it! usually events do tend to always limit the charas to focus on, imagine having to follow all of them. I mean i kinda wish we knew what happened with everyone but…

(obvs under the cut bc the whole ask got long, and also i gushed a bit about Into the Night bc i love this event)

and omg your brain fr f&f. I'm sure Fashion is one of them for sure. THOUGH I DO LOVE THE 4 AND 5 JUST TO FUCK WITH PEOPLE LMAO.

Masumi's group does seem to have been pretty funny. Just 3 sunshine boys trying their damnest to keep the broody one in place for more than 5minutes. I imagine them always having a big smile planing their play and then suddenly being "wait where did Masumi go OH NO". Plus, cat Sakuya and cat Kazunari together.

I also ADORE Yuki being part of the running punishment, the Yakuza really just saw a middle schooler and went "wait this guy can be my assistant in punishment" and he was right. It's esp another layer of funny considering how much Sakyo is always fighting him about the budget for their costumes, so he both knows that Yuki is restless when he prepares quality stuff, and, while he's so stingy about spending money, just went "listen i'll give you any money you want for the most high quality ridiculous costumes you can put anyone in" and Yuki just couldn't let the once-in-a-lifetime situation run away from him. Those two are a deadly duo.

dFDKJFLD Yuki is SO funny i love him so much.

And yeah omg this event really was low on drama but i did love the themes it explores and the dynamic they decided to have shine. Banri and Yuki probably have one of my favorite friendship in the story because of this specific event. (and their CG is SO CUTE i’ll never be over it i love it SO much, probably one of my fav event CG of all time)

The idea of Banri, who said himself he had a hard time understanding why people were struggling with anything, who generally doesn't really plan ahead or gets excited about anything about the future…. ended up not only doing the effort to understand Yuki (and, ever since Banri has been doing theater he's much better at understanding people's struggle anyway), but also have Yuki's drive and passion inspires HIM, the guy who never had any to start with… it makes me so emo. Yuki usually keeps his worries for himself so it was so nice to see this upperclassman whom Yuki actually respects (in a way), recognizes Yuki's strength completely unprompted and tell him that he'll always be here to cheer for him, and that he was inspired to be serious about what he loves because of him… it means SO much to me.

It brings me back also to how Banri is a fashionista (i know we judge him with western standards but from what i figured doing some researches he's apparently on top of fashion regarding Japanese trends. I have a friend, who knows a lot more about Japan's day to day life, who upon hearing that people clowned Banri for his fashion, reacted to me going "i've seen so many people in Shibuya with his exact clothes what"). For a Japanese audience at least it is supposed to be implied Banri has a good eye for fashion and Yuki is responsive to it.

Anyway i also bring it up bc remember how in the Autumn Chapter when Taichi destroyed all of Yuki's costumes, Banri gets very angry not because their show was ruined, but because "how DARE they attack YUKI'S HARDWORK". He gets upset on Yuki's behalf. And at this point they didn't exactly connect or anything, Banri was just fashionista enough to recognize Yuki was fantastic.

So after this event establish how much he respects Yuki and how he decided to protect him and encourage him i'm just… soft…. i genuinely love their dynamic so much.

Forever ago i've found a fanart on twitter (which mean i LOST IT and will NEVER RECOVER IT, Twitter lack of saving feater is my curse and burden) of Yuki, as an adult, preparing his first runaway as a fashion designer and getting nervous, until Banri comes in and puts a hand on his shoulder and smiles going "see i told you you'd get here. I'm so proud of you" and i'm crying in the club.

When i first started a3 i did have a really hard time to get into Banri's chara (which is a SHOCKER now considering he's very high on my top chara now), and by the end of Autumn i was just okay he's on thin ice but i'll be willing to listen to him. But Into the Night really was the event where he totally won me over. It really showcases his sweetness and willingness to help, especially the younger people in Mankai.

And it also speaks volumes about how now that he found a passion that really set his heart ablaze, he would do ANYTHING to protect this passion in the heart of people too. It showcases so much how Banri has grown and how much just finding a way to appreciate life and passion became so precious to him.

I have so much thoughts about this event in general it makes me teary.

I've also seen so many bad faith fandom takes back where shitting on Banri was the norm on tumblr (ie the reason i don't go in the tags) about Banri being a bully and would "probably be a bully to Yuki" and stuff like that and it would always enrage me in a "oh i BET you didn't read Into the Night." rage. Imagine being so wrong. So yeah this event means a LOT to me it's just so much.

But also as you say i think it's just so lovely to have just, healthy dynamic between "senpai and kohai" in a way, to really see how just having someone a couple years older than you guide you and help you… is really nice. Tho yeah Banri is just as guided by Yuki than Yuki is guided by Banri and i find it SO soft.

Yuki and his group of older teenagers who'd fight for his hope and dreams.

THE PET SHOP PART WAS SO FUNNY YOU'RE SO RIGHT ABOUT THE HORROR MOVIE PATHING LMAO. Just Tsuzuru and Yuki slowly dying inside.

but yeah the event having such cool vibes was really soft. The "battle type" events are usually laid back that way, with a random guy NPC (though it's often Aaron) challenging to act off, bc this was the new mechanism of the gameplay itself, so it's really superfluous to the plot but still pretty funny. Aaron is definitely a bit Chuuni yes. Accurate theater nerd rep.

Itaru's costume is sOO good you're so right. Another Yuki wins in term of costume designs.

YEAH OMG THE MARSHMELLOW THING. It's so fucking funny. I can totally see Homare calculating it very carefully knowing exactly Hisoka's pace and stuff and giving just as needed and a little more. Meanwhile, Hisoka, like a cat he is, knows that without his usual owner he can pretends to be starved and never have eaten in hIS LIFE to get more. This is literally Homare getting a list of "here's what you need to feed my cat at each hours" to Azuma, while Hisoka is just "actually those doses are left to starve me by my unloving father. I am dying. I am knowing level of starvation no cats should ever go through save me". And Azuma who's just a good sports is just "aw but what's one more treats!" which makes him a very easy target to the cat starvation tactic.

This is the Homare/Hisoka/Azuma dynamic in a nutshell and this event shows it off.

Also i genuinely love in this event how Tsuzuru has to "big brother up" Hisoka, having to carry him around. this event really was "the teens are carrying the team and the adults are the most useless people you might run into". Azuma didn't even try and tbh i respect that about him so much, kings of knowing his limits.

(tbh there's something i can't mention there but there's something about Hisoka's future arc that made me return to this event and fucking yell during his bits. I will of course not say anything and it is probably vague enough. But i genuinely ended up crying rereading this event bc of that. "but Icha, you always cry when Hisoka is involved" MAYBE BUT SHUSH.)

Banri and Itaru sitting down for their games is really funny yes, tho i believe it's a mix of they've been walking all night and only have a little break so they're gonna rest as they can (esp Itaru who's not made for walking). And prob the fact they're afraid to lose their connection while walking. But else mood, playing gacha while walking ftw.

DLKFJKLDFJ THE FACT YOU NAILED DOWN WHY TENMA GOT LOST. PERFECT. I love how Misumi points it out, once again with how he's babying Tenma is just muah. Poor Tenma. It's so onbrand that it hurts.

And i LOVE that about Itaru too. I love that he felt genuinely guilty and could see how much Banri and Yuki worked for it. I think it also speaks volumes about Itaru in general becoming more and more of a team player while being a "solo player" for the longest time. Even there he realizes he dragged them down and he needs to amke it up to them.

But anyway back on your last comment, like i mentioned, Banri fits Japanese standards for the fashionista lmao, and everything else in game (from mini chat to backstage to coin talks) points to Yuki really liking Banri's style. There's one, i think Mini Chat? about how he thinks Banri always have a good eye for clothes and his advices is super valuable because of that.

So i know we all want to dunk on Banri but the friendship between Yuki and Banri is pure and sweet and Yuki genuinely thinks Banri is one of the most fashionable people in the company whom he can trust with shopping and fashion advice. We all have to live with it and if we insist on Banri's fashion sucking i'm afraid we also have to say the same of Yuki's because those two are bird of feathers.

Thank you once again for sharing your thoughts it makes me so happy <33 It's always a pleasure :3c

Hope you have a nice day <33

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 6)

Last time, we talked about Natsume's growing crush on Mikan. As the festival continues, his feelings will only grow. Today we'll discuss how these new feelings will affect him, and particularly how they have the potential to create tension in his friendship with Ruka.

Chapter Twenty-One

Mikan is guilty for not having already gone to Iinchou’s haunted house in the latent ability class area. So they end up going together. Although Mikan is easily distracted and wants to try everything in the latent area, Natsume is strict on going straight to the destination with no tangents.

Iinchou lets them in right away without having to wait in the hour-long line. Mikan puts on airs about being a country girl and, just like she’s unafraid of bugs, she’s also not afraid of ghosts. Except she totally is.

Ruka and Natsume don’t seem particularly scared of the haunted house so far, but Mikan is, and she clings to Ruka, desperate not to be left behind, even if it means she hurts him with her grasp.

The person who posted these TokyoPop scans forgot a couple pages so for the longest time the beginning of the chapter was so confusing to me...

Natsume looks behind to see them and is jealous, yet again. Just like with Tsubasa, Natsume is unhappy with his fate to be the bad guy in general. He goes out of his way to look bad to protect people and as a result will not be the one clung to. It’s different from Tsubasa though, because this isn’t some nameless middle schooler that Natsume can take his anger out on: this is his best friend, somebody he’s never felt anything but affection for. Natsume doesn’t want to hurt Ruka; he’s just sad that the situation is so messed up.

Lucky for Ruka, Natsume gives up before there can even be a competition.

It’s for the best this way, after all. For Ruka to be happy, for Mikan to be with somebody kind who deserves her, and even for him, because maybe this way Mikan won’t be used against him like everybody else he cares about.

Natsume makes this decision without talking to anybody and before anyone can even figure out that there’s a choice to be made in the first place.

Then they run into a crawling hag and nobody’s immune to the terror that being chased after by that demon brings. All three of them run for it, but they end up in a new spooky room, which freaks Mikan out so much she screams and faints, foaming at the mouth, causing Natsume to fall and twist his ankle and for Ruka’s rabbit to run off. He chases after it, leaving Natsume and Mikan alone. Iinchou breaks whatever causes the electricity to run in the building and now they’re trapped alone in the dark, unable to get out.

Mikan tries to figure out a way for them to escape, but climbing the wall is out of the question since Natsume’s ankle is twisted. He suggests that he blow up the wall, but Mikan is adamantly against that idea because the latent students worked hard to make the mansion. Natsume acquiesces. That’s fine. He doesn’t mind spending more time with her. It just means she’ll have to stay in the dark for longer.

She is very clingy when she’s scared, and although he complains he doesn’t really make any moves to get her off. I mean, why would he? This is exactly what he wanted, though he did only get it because he was the only person around that she could cling to. There’s a moment where he spooks her, perhaps so she would hug him more, but then she whines for him to stop scaring her and the panels are quite sparkly. Natsume is distressed about his new crush and the effect it has on him. Really her whining and puppy-dog eyes are not any less powerful on Natsume than they are on Ruka. He’s just better at hiding it.

He looks at her softly and then has a moment where he looks almost peeved to have felt so fond at all... but it won't last. These days he has more affection for her than irritation.

Mikan tries apologizing about getting angry with him at Anna’s cafe, but he pretends like he has no idea what she’s talking about. To me, this cements that Natsume wants to look bad to her in particular. He doesn’t really want her to figure out that he’s kind deep down or that he’s selfless 99% of the time. He doesn’t want her to think he cares at all because it’s best for him to continue being the same jerk he has been for the past twenty chapters. He’s okay with her hating him, because that way she won’t become the new Ruka, used by the academy as a pawn to get him to jump through more hoops.

She tries to make him smile and that’s another big deal. Most people think Natsume is cool for being so unaffected. His fans think he’s the man, a tough guy who frowns all the time. Even Ruka’s approach to this issue was to stop smiling too.

Mikan’s approach is to tell jokes.

Of course, it doesn’t work, and the jokes aren’t any good, but Mikan is trying something nobody else has done: instead of looking up to him or going down to his level of misery, Mikan’s trying to lift him up. She wants him to smile and be happy and that sets her apart. She’s immature and childish and that brings out the childishness in him too. And like I mentioned a while ago, childishness in Natsume is a good thing. With her, he can bicker and argue and tease like he used to before he came to the academy. She has no idea what he’s going through and her mood changes so quickly she can’t even stay mad or upset. She’s just a joyful and loud girl who rubs off on everyone she meets and Natsume is far from being an exception.

He can just mess around like a kid for once. He doesn't have to be serious around her all the time.

Thus, the next important thing in regards to analyzing their relationship is that the last page of the chapter has him teasing her and then smiling at her reaction. We’ve only seen Natsume smile twice before: with Youichi for a brief moment, and then with Ruka on the cover for Chapter Sixteen (Natsume's evil smile when Mikan gets bullied by middle schoolers doesn't count as a real smile). This officially adds Mikan to the incredibly short list of people who can make Natsume smile. She’s angry with him, arguing, but being able to let go of all his darkness and just tease a girl and have her act with such strong emotions is enough to make him happy. And that’s what this is: Natsume is happy.

Chapter Twenty-Three

The musical creates some tension between Natsume and Ruka, as expected, because liking the same girl can make rifts between friends. On the other hand, this isn’t your typical love triangle. Usually in love triangles, the two guys are already positioned against each other. Though Natsume and Ruka may be opposites in many ways, they are not rivals at all. They love each other, and that love is not at all damaged by the conflict of falling for the same girl; it just becomes tense between them.

In fact, the beginning of the chapter has some Class B pals eagerly going backstage to find Ruka before the somatic ability class musical. When they find him, Natsume is the only one to not laugh at or tease him, and seems to be the only one really concerned with Ruka’s feelings about being cast as Snow White.

When the sticky ball incident occurs, there’s a lot more damage done than there is in the anime. In the anime, some cast and crew get stuck, but ultimately nobody was in any real danger of being hurt. In the manga, there were potentially catastrophic consequences for the blast and a lot of equipment got damaged in the process. A somatic child playing one of the seven dwarves is about to be hit by a stagelight when Natsume rushes to get him out of the way, resulting in them getting stuck together. If Natsume hadn’t stepped in, that kid could have gotten really injured, at least.

As a result of Natsume’s heroism, Narumi suggests that he dress up as a forest friend. When Natsume refuses, the child is to be kicked out of the play, and the seven dwarves will be changed to six. Natsume sees the kid pout and with absolutely no more need for convincing he goes to get changed into a cat outfit.

This is noteworthy because the cat outfit is humiliating (not that Natsume hasn’t worn similar things in official art… just saying) and it’s something he truly does not want to do, but he does it, even though he doesn’t even know the kid. It’s some random somatic kid, not Ruka or Youichi or even Mikan, and yet he goes out of his way to do something truly selfless so that the kid can perform what he’s practiced. Natsume is kind in quiet ways, and not just with the people he cares about. Like with Anna, Natsume puts the needs of someone he isn’t close to in front of his own reputation.

Now, Natsume is in a horrible mood, embarrassed to be seen in the costume, and Ruka is confused why he’d even bother, until he sees the smile on the little kid and everything snaps into place for him. Mikan is a very intuitive and emotional girl who can sense things about all sorts of people, but when it comes to Natsume, nobody knows him better than Ruka, who can tell right away the motives for any of his actions.

I work at a restaurant and kids Natsume's age will be like, "I don't want a kids' menu" and act all grown up and then see how big the adult portions are, so they end up eating the Cub Pancake anyway LMAO. Do you want extra whipped cream and chocolate chips, Natsume?

Onto the actual NatsuMikan portion of this analysis, at long last, Mikan is overjoyed to see how adorable he is in his costume and she is the only one who won’t hold back from saying so because she’s not scared of him. I’ve seen someone complaining that Natsume says “Don’t call men cute,” but I always found that line funny because Natsume is a literal ten-year-old boy… He is not a man at all. It’s the sort of thing you’d expect a kid to say, especially one who wants to be a grown-up as soon as possible, which makes the line endearing to me, but that’s my personal feelings about it. (Like the above caption, I find it very amusing when little kids pretend they're all grown up.)

Anyway, Natsume is as much an idiot as he is in the anime, volunteering Mikan to be the prince, even using one of his three wishes to make it happen. This is all motivated by his feelings of humiliation, and he’s taking it out on her, arguing that he doesn’t want to wear the outfit for no reason so the show has to go on no matter the cost--but this will bite him in the ass sooner rather than later.

Chapter Twenty-Four

The chapter begins and Mikan is very nervous about playing the prince, particularly about looking the part as she is very uncomfortable with her hair down.

This is actually the first time we see Natsume’s feelings about it, but he’ll only make it more clear in about ten more chapters. Here, Mikan wonders if she should put her hair back up and Natsume snaps, “No!” before walking away in a huff. It’s a small scene, and it’s even told through tiny text, but it’s enough to let any reader paying attention know that Natsume also thinks Mikan looks cute with her hair down. Yes, he’s embarrassed to have said anything, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t say it.

Don't worry about him, he's just in a bad mood.

Natsume mainly observes, and nothing noteworthy happens. He eventually goes and gives his line and his aura alone is threatening enough to discourage anyone from laughing or “aww”ing.

The next important moment is when Mikan sees the stage direction to kiss the princess directly on the lips. Narumi says it’s because he’s trying to make up for the loss of sizzle due to the accident, but knowing him, there’s probably more to it. Naru likes stirring the pot and causing drama, although I can hardly tell what his motives are half the time. Truly, I believe he is the most mysterious character in the whole story.

Natsume does not allow this to happen, so he throws something at Mikan’s head--some random box thing--and Hotaru shuts off the lights.

Natsume does something kind of selfish here. He didn’t want them to kiss, so he stopped it. The fact that he grabbed the first thing he saw meant it was a sudden choice to chuck it. I wonder if he had any intentions of just toughing it out and dealing with it, but eventually jealousy won out and he did the selfish thing.

When I say selfish, I don’t mean “bad”. I just mean that for once Natsume is acting based on what he wants, rather than what will make somebody else happy. When it comes to this kid in particular, I actually want him to do selfish things more often, because he very rarely does. He’s been selfless and heroic enough for one day, having saved a kid from getting injured and then wearing that embarrassing costume. He’s allowed to have done this one thing for selfish reasons.

It’s not like it was a bad thing to do either. It would have only benefited Narumi, and possibly the somatic class to have a spicy musical kiss, but it wouldn’t have been good for Ruka or Mikan. Having their first kiss under such conditions, especially when Mikan was just doing the class a favor by acting in the play to begin with, would have been sad. Natsume essentially saved her from the consequences of his own actions, because it would have been his fault if they’d had no choice but to go through with it.

Moreover, like I said earlier, Ruka can simply tell what Natsume’s motives are from a single look. It’s more obvious in the anime, of course, but I still think manga!Ruka is aware that Natsume intervened. He knows Natsume better than anybody, and he’s too smart to think that box came out of nowhere.

This is just the beginning of a long-standing tension between them, one that they will dance around and pretend isn’t happening for quite a while before actually addressing it properly. For now, they have undiscussed feelings and jealousies that will go unchecked and unresolved for some time, building an even deeper divide between them. After all, Natsume and Ruka have enough of a gap on account of Natsume’s missions and his general feelings of not being able to fit in with anybody. This only broadens the gap.

Chapter Twenty-Six

The dance will be very fun to analyze from Mikan’s perspective, but we’re not nearly finished with Natsume’s, so that will have to wait.

For now, we’ll discuss Natsume’s softening, which Permy points out bitterly on account of being surrounded by closet fans. Previously, she says, they were terrified of him, and why wouldn’t they be? We talked ad nauseam about Natsume’s first thirteen chapters of misery and coldness. He was a scary and unkind guy, definitely unapproachable. Even his admirers in Class B were scared of him, equal parts affection and terror. In a very short time, Natsume has softened and it’s obvious. He even dressed as a cat for the somatic musical! His reputation for being cold and dangerous is softening and the girls who used to fear him are now flocking to him to ask if he’s willing to accept their last dance proposals.

But with all this talk about romance and dancing, Mikan feels left out and can’t relate. Her frustrations only grow when some girls start gossiping about her and she ends up taking it out on Natsume, saying she would never ever wanna dance with Natsume for the last dance. He brushes this off, but he still pouts, obviously affected and a little hurt. Their relationship was on the rise, after all. They were starting to hang out more and were bickering often, something Natsume doesn’t make a habit of doing with most people. But just because Natsume is feeling more fondness for her, that doesn't mean she feels the same way.

He expects this in some way, of course, because it's partially his intention. He expects that she would only tolerate him after everything that happened with them, but that doesn't mean he likes the feeling of rejection.

They're so cute when they pout!

Having a crush is bad enough, but hearing that girl shout that she’d never wanna go out with you is even harder, even if you were maybe purposefully making her angry with you to try and protect her. It would be a tough emotion to bear, especially for a kid unversed in romance. He proceeds to be just as huffy as her.

And as twisted as it is, I’m happy for him.

Natsume was cold and mean and difficult to talk to before he fell for Mikan. Now he’s way more approachable and expressive, willing on occasion to show an emotion that isn’t rage, like hurt or grumpiness or amusement. He can now sit at his desk and pout, something he wasn’t doing before, like a kid throwing a fit.

At the actual dance, Natsume is still hurt, still pouting. It doesn’t help that Mikan glares at him upon spotting him. It’s interesting to see how much this affects him. One girl said something harsh in the heat of the moment and he is taking it so personally. Of course, he gets hurt or angered by many things. Upperclassmen bully him and call him a murderer and he simply uses his alice on them to shut them up. He keeps his face straight, moves on, and forgets it. Naturally, the hurt and resentment sit there in his gut to torment him, because he’s a kid and they’re awful things for anyone to hear, but he’s not acting like that here. Here, he’s grumpy and pouty. His feelings are hurt but they don’t come with urges to punish like being called a murderer does.

And it’s obvious he has no genuine hard feelings because Natsume then shoves Ruka onto Mikan, since Ruka was being transparent about his gaze. He goes on to dance with someone else, anyone else, because Mikan made it clear that she too would rather dance with anyone else, just as long as it wasn’t him. He’s clearly still in a bad mood, though.

He's so used to not getting what he wants that he will do all of Ruka's work for him, so that Ruka can get what he wants.

Later, when Mikan and Natsume are singletons in the middle of the dance floor, they notice each other. Here would be a perfect opportunity to dance, but she made it clear she hated the idea, and he’s not about to embarrass himself to ask. Hence, he huffs again, pouting because there’s no way he’ll ask her to dance once she’s said such harsh things. They stand in silence for just a moment, until he finds some other girl to dance with and leaves Mikan all alone.

They’re both grumpy over the way they’re being treated by the other. Natsume is being immature and petty with his feelings, almost childish (heehee it's all I want for him!). With all the dark and depressing divide between Mikan’s academy life of fun and laughs and Natsume’s life of secret missions and physical abuse, he’s somehow found a way to wedge himself into hers. He’s taking something so minor so seriously. He’s been on the front lines, used his alice to hurt enemies and been hurt by enemies and dangerous ability types alike. He is literally dying and he’s aware of it! But he’s still pouting because the girl he likes was a little mean to him.

But the dance with the girl obviously wasn’t much fun, because Mikan quickly finds him again, away from the party, along a secluded path by some trees. He’s in a pouty mood and obviously needs some time alone with his thoughts.

It shows that he’s done some thinking because he doesn’t even mention her angry words from earlier.

Instead, he just calls the whole festival stupid.

We’re reminded here of a scene from way before they liked each other, when the festival was first announced. Then, she also found him playing with a dog, all on his own, using anger to mask his feelings of hurt. He said the same thing back then, that the whole thing was stupid and it was dumb to get all worked up about it. He’s doing it again now, but it’s a little different this time. Their relationship has changed, improved. They actually care about each other now, and although Natsume starts off just talking through his anger, he eventually turns honest.

The truth is that these periods of childishness will always have to end. It’s just an extended version of the dodgeball game. No matter how much emotion he puts into these experiences, they will be overshadowed by his real life. Now matter how much fun he has, he will always have to stop smiling and go kill himself on Persona’s orders. And even more honestly, the more fun he has, the harder it will be on the people he has fun with. It’s not enough for the ESP and Persona that Natsume completes his missions and does all his work; they find pleasure and relief in his constant misery. The second he cares about something, they use it against him. His joy is never meant to last and will always have consequences for the people he loves.

I hate tumblr's 10 image limit. I hate it. I despise it. I abhor it. I cannot come up with a caption. So instead I'll say again. I hate the 10 image limit.

And so he explains, for once, that he’s simply different from everyone else. The festival is something that doesn’t belong to him. He’s merely been an observer this whole time. He’s never actually been a part of it. And then he tells her that she should stay in the light, stay out of the dark. He calls her naive, but it’s not as much an insult as it used to be.

She is childish and loud and optimistic and annoying and a little sweet and even though he hated all these things about her before, he now realizes that these traits are things to be protected. The more she mingles with him, the darker her life will be. After all, her light is not the only thing that’s contagious: his darkness rubs off on people too, and in his mind it will only hurt her to be involved with him. She should stay in the light--in the shiny, sparkly side of the manga, where everyone is concerned with sports and coming up with ideas for the festival--and keep out of the dark--where there’s murder and blackmail and danger and death. It’s bad enough he can’t keep Youichi or Ruka out of it: Youichi is already in the DA class and Ruka came running after him. He can’t distance himself from them. The most he can do is protect them and raise their star ranks or keep them off of dangerous missions. But with Mikan he has a chance to really protect her, prevent her from being used against him at all. Ideally, she’ll stay away and he won’t need to worry about her as much.

And he wants her to be safe and gone, so when she asks what he means, he changes tactics and decides to be rude and mean instead, telling her to get lost and insulting her. She gets angry and it almost seems like it’ll be another bickering match, where they will both be childish and hurl insults at each other, but he doesn’t take that path.

She is complaining about how he doesn’t seem to know that she has a name, thank you very much--and then he calls her Mikan. He concedes to her demands. He does what he perceives to be the mature, adult thing, ending the argument so she will leave for good. When she has nothing left to argue about, she will have no choice but to walk away, and she does, once he makes it clear that his last command is for her to stop complaining about what he calls her.

Natsume chooses to do the selfless thing again, and gives up the first thing in a long time that made him happy. He barely had any time with her at all, but he lets her go, because she can only continue to be sunny and cheerful away from him. He’s giving up before anyone can tell that something was around for him to give up.

He has no idea how much one word has affected her.

Conclusion

Natsume is a selfless kid. He gives up on what he wants very easily, but especially because he knows that the second he gets what he wants, those things could be destroyed, just by association with him. He just wants the people he loves to be happy, even if it means he could never be.

In the next segment, we'll talk about what Natsume is willing to do to protect Mikan, even if it means being cruel and hurting her. NatsuMikan is the living embodiment of the "break her heart to save her" trope, and I very much adore that trope with my whole heart, so we're going to be having a LOT of fun with the next essay!

Also, disclaimer: I'm not smart. I refuse to take responsibility for any mistakes I make in these essays. There also are no mistakes. I've never misspelled a word in my life.

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[dreadpoetssociety]

I Just Want My Brother

TW: Kidnapping, Abuse, Death, Drugs, Mentions of blood. 

Prompt: hi! i loved ur reid x sis!reader!! i was wondering if u could do one with reid x teen sis!reader and maybe she was a witness to something or got kidnapped and survived or something so they have to give her a cognitive interview and she refuses to do it unless spence is there or the one asking her the questions

Note: I really liked this request. I feel like I may have gotten off topic a littttttttle bit, but I tried my best! Also, sorry for any grammatical mistakes! 

()()()()()()

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Sister!Reader

Word Count: 3589

You were never really one to defy your elder brother’s rules, given how lenient he was with you, but it was supposed to just be one fun night out with your friends. The night scene that your friends adored was never really your cup of tea due to the horror stories Spencer would come home with. Girls getting kidnapped going on a run, girls being drugged and killed at a party, girls just going missing off the streets never to be found until it was too late, things like that. After a while, he slowly stopped giving you the gory details when he’d noticed the actual effect it had on your own life, whether or not you chose to acknowledge that when begging him to tell you more, but not knowing what was out there did scare you. Especially after stealing one of Spence’s files and looking at the photos that it held.

But, you were feeling daring on this particular night. Your friends finally convinced you to sneak out of the house. Spencer wouldn’t be back from his current job until morning, and even if you did get caught, you were generally a good kid. You bent the rules from time to time, but most high-schoolers you knew were sneaking out regularly, skipping class, doing hard drugs and even getting arrested from time to time. How bad could you be? At least, that was the reasoning your friends put into your head.

So, you thought hey, if you ever have kids, mind as well at least have one cool story to tell them. You didn’t even bother to go through the apartment window, you just walked out the door and met your friends out on the street. It was nearly midnight, but the night had just begun. 

It was hours of going to this person’s house and that person’s apartment, stopping by a random party and making noise in the streets, until finally, your friends made it to a bar. 

“You know,” you laughed a little anxiously, “maybe we shouldn’t. I mean I don’t even have a way of getting in there.”

“Y/N, chill. I know your brother freaks you into obeying the rules, but those things he sees have like a .0001% of actually happening. Like what are the chances really?” your friend, Elliot, smiled at you. 

“Actually, about one out of 300,000 people get kidnapped, which doesn’t seem like a lot, but the actual percentage is-“

“Y/N, we’re fine! Kids do this all the time. Plus, I already paid that Barry kid to make you a fake. Consider it an early birthday gift.” your other friend, Sheila, pulled out her purse and passed you the piece of plastic. Although incredibly concerned, you were impressed by how realistic it was. You sighed. 

“Fine, you’re right.” you laughed, “But there’s no way I’m convincing that bouncer that I’m 21.”

“Confidence is key. Just stroll past him like you know what you’re doing. If you look nervous they’ll know. I swear, Y/N, those dudes can smell fear.” Elliot laughed. The three of you made your way to said club entrance, and although the bouncer did seem suspicious of you, he just let you in anyway. 

The club was loud, there was a band on stage and lasers going throughout the room. Alice and Elliot didn’t hesitate to drag you to the bar first. You’d drank a little before, but you’d never gotten buzzed, let alone completely drunk. It wasn’t really your style, and thankfully, Elliot and Alice respected that. They pressured you to do a lot of things, but not anything like drugs or alcohol. They merely pushed you out of your comfort zone sometimes, and irregardless of whether or not the adults around you thought they were a good influence didn’t matter to you. 

“We’re going to go dance, but we’ll be nearby if you don’t want to join us! Just make sure not to go too far alone, Y/N” Alice stated, knowing you would absolutely not agree to dance with them. You smiled and nodded and the two went off to do their thing within your sight. 

“What can I get you, young lady?” the man at the bar caught you off guard. 

“Oh, uh, maybe just a glass of water?”

“Ah, designated driver I presume?” he laughed.

“Yeah, something like that.” you replied, “Someone’s gotta keep an eye on those two.” you nudged your head towards your two friends who were living it up with some other people in the crowd who you think might’ve been your age, too. You were sort of surprised at how easy it was to get into this club, considering so many of your peers get thrown out of it or get caught. 

The man passed you the water and walked off almost a bit angrily. Understandably, though, because water is free.  You made a note to leave the man a tip later anyway. It was the least you could do. You played with the straw, took a few sips, and watched as your friends danced the night away. 

After a while, though, you began to feel off. Dizzy even, and you couldn’t think clearly. It was a hot summer night in a hot crowded club, the one cup of water you drank all day was right in front of you, so you figured it was the heat. You decided to take a quick trip outside to try and catch some air.

It was when you left the club that it really hit you. The world was turning, and you were barely able to stay awake. 

The club was located in an area that wasn’t super lit other than the one club sign. The bouncers must’ve been in the midst of switching shifts because there wasn’t one outside. 

“Hey young lady, you okay?” a man’s voice was all you could make out of him. You could see him, but you couldn’t, and it didn’t make sense. Someone grabbed you and the world went dark.

()()()()()()

You woke up slowly. You didn’t recognize your surroundings, the walls were concrete and disgusting. The room reeked of something. 

You tried to stand, but something was holding you to the floor. Having looked down, you noticed sort chains attached to both wrists. Your heart sped up, but you didn’t scream.

How the hell. . . you thought. How did they get me here? 

The last thing you could really remember was the water. What was in the water? It was too slow to be ketamine, too fast to be rohypnol. You wondered. Oh my god, gamma hydroxybutyric acid. Or cherry meth. 

You heard someone make a noise and instantly forgot about the debate in your head. Being able to think more clearly, and your eyesight less blurred, you began to take in your surroundings. There were windows in two two of the walls without glass. Taking a look, you noticed three other women in you line of sight. One in the room with you, who was starting to wake up, and two through the left and right windows. Straight ahead was a doorway that showed a room with a table on in the middle.

It was then that you really began to understand what was happening. The exact thing you were afraid of this whole time. Your breath sped up, your heart was nearly coming out of your body, your blood ran cold. 

“Hey,” the girl was awake now, “I’m Charlotte.” you looked at her wide eyed. Here you two were, chained against a wall, she was bruised and bloodied up and down, and she decided that it was appropriate to introduce herself? 

“What’s happening?” you didn’t even think to reply back to her. She could be anyone. She could be the person who took you, acting as your friend. Your paranoid mind raced through multiple scenarios.

“Look, you’ll be fine as long as you listen.”

“Listen? Listen to what? To who? Who took us? What are they-“ 

“You need to calm down.” she whispered, “If they hear you they’ll come. They haven’t been so nice to the noisy ones.”

If anything anybody had never shut you up before, that certainly did. You could feel the fear in every nerve of your body. he other girls around you faced the floor. One was in a party dress, the other in a pan suit. Looking at them, the girls had nothing in common. One had dark hair, the other had her hair dyed a faded blue, and the last was blonde, each with a different eye color and skin tone. You tried your best to think like your brother, but you couldn’t. Unlike him, you weren’t a genius, you were just average.

You heard a door creek open and all the girls instantly looked up. Through the doorway of your room, you saw a masked man walk in. You could almost hear the other girls’ hearts pumping. You watched in terror as he began to step towards you. When he got into the room, though, he turned towards Charlotte, and began unchaining her.

“No, please!” she cried, “Please, I’m sorry.”

“Shut up.” 

Charlotte went quiet. He aggressively picked her up by her arm and dragged her to the table, of which he pinned her down onto and began to strap her in. It wasn’t long before he opened a cabinet out of your view, and pulled out various rusty tools.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” you asked. You didn’t even think out what you were doing. What the hell do you think YOU’RE doing, Y/N? you thought to yourself. Unconsciously, you knew that you can’t profile this guy like Spencer could, you couldn’t talk your way out of this, but you could protect the girls around you. How? By pissing him off. 

“Don’t speak, woman.” he growled.

“What are you going to do about it? Kill me?” he slammed a knife-like tool straight down into the table a millimeter next to Charlotte’s abdomen, “What? Did I hurt your masculinity, big boy?” 

He unstrapped her quickly. You figured what was coming for you next, and it wasn’t long before you were on that table. The leather restraints were on way too tight, there were splinters in your back already from the poorly sanded wooden table, which you figured was on purpose. And all you could do was watch, and scream, as this man did whatever he wanted to you. hitting you, cutting you, seemingly testing out tools you’d never even seen before. The camera on the ceiling told you that he was recording this all to watch later.

And all you could do was scream out your brother’s name.

()()()()()()

You didn’t know how long you were there. Hours, days, weeks, you had no idea. Time didn’t exist down there. Ever since your first encounter with the man, you tried to deter him from the other women around you any time he came around. And fortunately for them but not for you, it worked.

All of the pain and screaming left you numb, but it wasn’t until you saw him get angrier with one of the other girls that you weren’t able to comprehend your situation anymore.

She hadn’t been doing well, the one in the party dress. The color in her skin was drained, making her paler, her eyes sunk. And you watched as the man pulled a knife from his pocket, and stuck it right through her heart. The screams from you and the girls flooded the room, and it was like the air in the building was being sucked out. 

You would never forget it.

()()()()()()

You were asleep when suddenly you heard the door open again and your body began to shake. But it wasn’t the man who came in.

“Reid! I got her!” the sound of Morgan’s voice echoed in your ears. Spencer burst into the room, and while Morgan Prentiss, JJ, and Rossi tended to the other three girls, Reid and Hotch came straight to you.

“Y/N? Oh my god, Y/N, you’re going to be okay. We’re going to get you out of here.” Spencer panicked as he tugged at the chains, “Come on!” 

“Y/N, do you know where the unsub went?” Hotch asked. You looked at him, you understood his words, but all you could manage to say was,

“Liquid cherry.” 

“Y/N?”

“No, cherry E.” you were so distorted, either from the pain, or from the shock.

“Y/N I don’t understand.” Hotch said.

“Liquid cherry?” Reid repeated, “Y/N, do you mean Liquid E?” you nodded.

“Cherry meth.” Hotch confirmed. You don’t even know why you brought it up. It wasn’t important, and although that’s what the man used on you, it wasn’t even relevant at this point.

The rest was a blur. Being free had a different meaning to it for you then. But yet, you were brought into an interrogation room after the ambulance had deemed that you didn’t have any truly hospitalizing injuries, just horrible bruises along with scars that would probably never fade away. You looked down at the table.

Emily Prentiss and JJ sat on the other end of the table. 

“Y/N, we know you’ve been through something traumatic, but that man is still out there. The other two girls aren’t conscious, and you’re the only one who knows what he looks like.” Prentiss explained, “You might not remember, but we if you’re able, we want to do a cognitive interview with you. It might help you remember details you didn’t know you picked up on.” 

“I don’t want to be here alone.” you whispered. JJ sighed sadly for you, “I don’t want to do it unless it’s Spencer.”

“I know, Y/N, but your brother is personally involved now. He can’t work on this case.” she said. In your heart you knew why, and you understood completely. But your mind just didn’t follow, and you shook your head. You looked up, and the color of the room and placement of the mirror seemed to eerily familiar, and the scene switched.

There you were, back on that concrete floor, screaming out for Spencer. All you wanted was for your brother to come save you. You saw the man walking towards you. You screamed louder as he got closer.

You felt someones hands on your shoulders and the scene had changed again. You were breathing heavily, the interrogation chair was on its back, and you were in the corner of the room. Emily and JJ were crouched with concerning eyes in front of you.

“Y/N? It’s us.” 

“I can’t do it.” you sobbed, “Not without him. I won’t.”

Emily and JJ looked at each other and nodded. Emily walked out of the room while JJ sat on the floor with you.

“You’re safe now.”

“He’s still out there he’s not going to stop.” you whispered, “I just want my brother. I just want Spencer.”

She held you tight.

“We won’t let anything happen to you. Spence won’t let anything happen to you.” she reassured. 

It wasn’t long after that Spencer finally entered the room and signaled that it was okay for JJ to leave.

“Y/N,” his voice was soft, and you instantly felt safer in the presence of your brother, “are you sure you can do this?” you nodded in response. As much as it terrified you, you didn’t want that monster hurting any other girls. He was still out there somewhere. Spence helped you up and fixed your chair. You sat across from each other.

“Y/N, I need you to close your eyes.” he said. You did so, “Now think. What’s the weather like before you met the unsub? Was it cloudy, light, dark?”

“It was night. The sky was so clear.” you replied, imagining the time in your mind.

“You’re going out. Who are you with?” he asked.

“Alice and Elliot. Spencer, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have broken the rules.” you cried. Spencer hadn’t even considered the thought of you sneaking out until now, but had decided that it was a talk for another time, if he thought you’d ever be able to handle it.

“Don’t worry about it, Y/N. I’m just glad you’re safe.” he said. With your eyes closed, you couldn’t see the tears pricking your brother’s eyes. He’d seen many tragic things, done some of the most gruesome cognitive interviews, seen the most disgusting and vile actions done by the most heartless of monsters, but none of that beat this. His own sister. He’d watched the tapes that the man had recorded , and his heart sunk every time you screamed out his name, but his anger grew just as much, “Where did you guys go right before you met the unsub?”

“The club on 16th street.” you stated, seeing yourself and your friends right outside the doors, “Alice and Elliot convinced me to go in.”

“What are you doing in there?”

“Alice and Elliot went to dance. I don’t like dancing, so they stay near me while I sit at the bar?” you realized that you talked as if you were presently there.

“Who is around you? Anyone you recognize?” he asked.

“No, I’m alone with the bartender.”

“Is he talking to you?” Spencer questioned. It was then that you recognized something.

“What can I get you, YOUNG LADY?” the bartender’s voice echoed in your mind, and aligned with the man who asked if you were okay outside before you were taken. You realized that the size and stature of the man who had tortured you matched with the bartender. You gasped and opened your eyes quickly. You were visibly distraught, so Spencer grabbed your hand in a quick attempt to comfort you.

“Y/N, are you okay? If it’s too much we can-“

“The bartender, Spencer.” you huffed out, “He said something to me and spoke to me outside after I was drugged.”

“Do you know what he looks like? Or his name?” he asked. Your thoughts were so fragmented now that you couldn’t remember, and a few tears slipped down your face as shook your head, “Do you want to try to keep going? You don’t have to Y/N I don’t want to put you through this again.”

“No!” you yelled, “No, it’s okay. It’s important. I can do this as long as you’re here.” He smiled slightly at how much you trusted him, but it quickly faded.

“The bartender,” he started, “He’s talking with you, what’s he saying?”

“He asks me if I want a drink. Calls me ‘young lady.’” you replied, as you saw yourself seated at the bar. The man just looked like a blur to you, and you tried so hard to remember him.

“What’s around him?” Spencer asked. 

“Well drinks, obviously. Alcohol.” 

“What kind?”

“He’s got all kinds of fancy bottles. Jim Beam, Captain Morgan, Patron, Bacardi,” you paused, “The Smirnoff is the same color as his shirt. A red shirt as a bartender. He stands out in an odd way.”

“His shirt, is he wearing anything? A name tag?” 

“He has a lanyard. It’s got pins on it and a picture with his-“ you see his name in big black letters on the end of the lanyard, “Andrew Vaughn. The drug is started to hit me now Spencer I-“

“Hey,” his voice was soft as he quickly got up and hugged you, “you’re safe now. I’ve got you.”

“I’m so sorry!” you sobbed into his shirt, grabbing onto him. He put his head on yours.

“It’s not you’re fault Y/N. You’ve been through something traumatic, you can’t be sorry for it.” he said.

“If I hadn’t gone out like you told me, Spence! And those other girls. The one in the party dress! I watched her die! He just stabbed her and she bled out in agony, Spencer!” you nearly yelled. You almost couldn’t breathe, and your face was wet with the tears.

Spencer’s heart dropped to the pit of his stomach. Reid knew some what of what you were going through. He reminded himself of what it was like when Tobias Hankel, and tried to think of how he wanted people to treat him then when he was freed, and how long it took for him to be okay again. He never really was, and he was afraid that you would never be able to feel safe again, but understood why you wouldn’t. He just wanted to take care of you, and blamed himself for not being there.

Within the next few hours, Hotch had refused to let a very angry Spencer go with the team to the unsub’s house. The BAU, although, successfully brought your kidnapper into custody.

“You don’t have to worry now, Y/N” Morgan said to you, “We’re gonna make sure he never sees the light of day again. He’ll live the rest of his life behind those bars.” 

“Yeah.” was all you managed to say with the slightest smile as you walked through whatever precinct you were in. 

“Y/N, Garcia told me to tell you that if you ever need anything, she’s here. I think the same goes for the rest of us.” Rossi explained.

“Thanks. I owe you all everything.” you said.

“Let’s get you home.” Spencer put his hand on your shoulder, careful not to touch any of your injuries, and the two of you walked out together.

You would never be the same after that, but at least you had your brother by your side.

[shamelessllamapeanutthing]

Prompt-

In free fall

Kaoru still remembers the look on Kojiro’s face when he had first realised what he wanted to do in life was open a tiny bistro and cook to his heart’s content. He hadn’t worked out any other details, not even that he’d come to prefer one cuisine over others by far but with all the conviction of an angsty middle-schooler, (for they were middle schoolers, then) which is a scary lot, Kojiro had declared what he wanted to do in life was open a tiny bistro and cook to his heart’s content and damn all the other technicalities. He’d work them out.

Kojiro had always been like that, steady, reliable and resolute and now Kaoru finds himself at a corner table on the opening evening of Sia la luce, a ridiculously fond smile on his lips that he scrambles to hide the moment he becomes aware of its existence. Kojiro has achieved what he always wanted to and Kaoru can’t be more proud (even though Kojiro won’t stop teasing Kaoru about how he was the first one to launch his career after all; and that Kaoru was still flapping between the myriad of things he wanted to do). He feels a little like a mama hen, which is a distressing thought, and the reason Kojiro finds him scowling when he comes over bearing the bottle of wine Kaoru ordered.

“You keep looking like that and you’re going to scare all of my customers away.”

“You have no customers.” Kaoru retorts, though he can’t bring himself to snap because Kojiro can’t seem to be able to stop smiling like a giddy child and there are very few people on Earth who can remain angry at a face like that. “It’s only family and friends tonight, here to show their support, which you should be thankful for, you muscle-brained hooligan.”

Kojiro’s smile widens and it’s a soft, sweet thing, completely new to Kaoru. The man is glowing with pride and joy and it knocks the breath out of Kaoru.

“I am grateful. I am very grateful for you, Kaoru.”

Kaoru blushes and searches for something to say. They’re fully grown adults now, he realises, and when the fuck did that happen, he despairs. Kojiro has always been steady, reliable and resolute but wasn’t he also a nasty teenager just a few days ago, skateboarding with people he should never be talking to and giving Kaoru his first couple of skin infections because they decided to go ahead with piercing his ears without properly researching the procedure?

Now, he is a business owner but they just got out of college and he has a new smile that looks so vulnerable Kaoru immediately begins envying the sense of security Kojiro clearly possesses, that is still so far out of Kaoru’s reach.

Kaoru takes a deep breath and nods, barely keeping himself grounded. He knows saying anything to wipe that dopey grin off of Kojiro’s face will only make him feel like scum, so he doesn’t.

Kojiro simply pours Kaoru a glass of the red and turns to walk away. He stops to squeeze Kaoru’s shoulder before he leaves though and Kaoru lets the warmth of his behemoth hands seep into his bones and settle in the base of his spine. It’s what holds him up through the darkening of the night.

… but then, it’s time for Kojiro to close up and for Kaoru to leave. He hangs around till the last possible moment under the excuse of helping Kojiro clean up. Kojiro really puts him to work, too and Kaoru isn’t someone very used to physical labour. It’s an entirely new experience and not exactly what he needs, then.

Eventually, however, he has to leave.

He stands outside the door of the bistro, scuffing his shoes against the side-walk, hands clasped behind his back like the teenager he was a few days ago, and Kojiro was a few days ago too but Kojiro is a functioning adult, now and a business owner and who else does Kaoru even have… Adam? That’s not true, Adam left long ago. He moved on and now Kojiro is moving on but Kaoru isn’t. There ought to be something wrong with the ground under his feet, he decides because there’s- there’s… a thing, deep and holding, slithering up alongside the tendons in Kaoru’s legs and it keeps him still. He is not moving.

He is not moving.

“Oi Kaoru!” Kojiro screams loud enough to attract a scowl from a passerby. It’s a middle-aged man in a rumpled suit and sweat upon his brow, though and who even cares about someone like that?

Kaoru looks up.

“What is wrong with you tonight?” Kojiro sounds anguished.

Kaoru lifts a hand, subconsciously and lays it against his chest, feeling his heart racing inside.

He is not moving, but he feels like he is suspended in freefall… and if he is not moving that just means he is going to keep falling.

There’s warmth to the side of his face, and Kojiro is closer, now. He’s frowning.

“Are you okay?”

Kaoru feels like shit, now that he has put that look on Kojiro’s face. Really what sort of a person is he?! This was supposed to be Kojiro’s big day. He feels awful. He should’ve left hours ago.

“My shower isn’t running.” Kojiro blurts out. “Can I stay at yours cause I need to be up and dressed early tomorrow. It will be the first proper business day for us.”

Right off the bat, Kaoru knows Kojiro is lying. He’s worried. He wants to keep an eye on Kaoru. Kaoru is too far gone to let his pesky pride get in the way of the relief he feels, just then. He nods and neither of them will ever mention how Kojiro spent that night on Kaoru’s couch, all because Kaoru is a needy fuck up who relies on others way too much. Even though they are all moving on.

The familiar sight of his best friend bumbling around his kitchen and trying to fix them coffee, screaming about the instant variety that is all Kaoru possesses is comforting, come morning though and Kaoru leaves it at that. He thinks, and he believes, that whether he is falling or still or both at once, because what else is his luck, Kojiro doesn’t seem to want to leave him behind.

Maybe that’s okay for now. Maybe that’s what he needs after all.

[wsgeon]

hey everyone! ummm this is peyton (also the mun of lee hyeon) taking a second shot at a second character — i have a lot of muse for this one, so i swear he’ll be around for a while… 🥵 this is ryu geon, yes his name rhymes with hyeon’s & no i do not care ♥️ he’s the lead guitarist/vocalist of meta and also the son of a former nobody rockstar, but i’ll get into all that below! like this post if you’d like for me to come into your ims to plot, click the read more for more info on geon, and/or click here to be taken to his pages: CAREER, DOSSIER, PINTEREST.

HISTORY.

born in autumn ‘97 to a “budding rockstar” (translation: “no yeah i swear our band’s really starting to take off, we sold twenty-three tickets to our last show!”) & a woman with commitment issues ♥️ geon’s dad always told him that his mom left because she had some dire matters that needed to be taken care of and SWORE that she cried the last time she held her dear baby boy, but all of his dad’s bandmates say that she was just some groupie and had to be persuaded into carrying her child to term… who can say for sure?

naturally, there are no pictures of this mystery woman. there was one (1) of her holding infant geon, but then he found out that that was actually a sound tech who worked for his dad’s band… and he just never corrected geon’s assumptions LOLLLL

anyway! he was always really close to his dad, considering they were a two-person family. he has a set of grandparents, an aunt and a couple cousins but they were never involved with geon’s life because his dad is the #blacksheep of the family. geon and his dad against the world, am i right?

uhhh geon was also kind of a black sheep growing up, but he didn’t really notice? he was a happy kid, very energetic and enthusiastic. a lot of adults in the area looked down on him & his dad, but he was SOOOO blind to it because his dad’s a god in his eyes and HE’S always been nice to everyone, so why would they not like him??? because his clothes smelled a little like dad’s cigarette smoke??? big deal

wasn’t troublesome (beyond talking too much), but a lot of people still expected bad things from him :/ “his father’s a dirtbag, i’ll be surprised if that boy doesn’t end up in jail by 20”, “he won’t amount to anything without a proper role model in his life”, “his dad is teaching him how to slack off”, “he won’t contribute anything to society”, etc. he kindaaa picked up on this as he got older but pretended not to because it was more rewarding to play dumb and keep being a good kid(tm) to prove them wrong

was basically a mini version of his dad. same style, similar features, birthmarks in the same places, same “live today, die tomorrow” approach in life, same affinity for singing & playing rock music. ummm he loved his dad a lot. a lot. a lot. wanted to make him proud SO BAD, started his first band when he was 15 and they sucked so bad but his dad was their biggest fan… you know how it is. a lot of people misunderstood him, but he was a very good guy and such a great parent

TW DEATH unfortunately he passed away just shy of geon’s 18th birthday and your boy still hasn’t forgiven the world for taking his dad when he was in the middle of his angsty teen phase — had he known that their time together was dwindling, he would’ve been so so so much better to him END TW

his dad’s band actually rocketed into the charts after he passed & suddenly they were getting loads of publicity, lots of “what a shame that he went under-appreciated” which pissed geon off SOOOO bad because why couldn’t they have had that energy when he was still alive? he’s still mad about it five/six years later

this is getting kinda long, so uhhh tl;dr, he ended up staying with the drummer of his dad’s band until he was old enough to live alone/READY to live alone, but he changed quite a bit. was really going through it, quit his band, stopped putting effort into school. barely graduated. went from being a social butterfly spending every weekend at a gig or with friends to spending all of his time on a pc or in front of a tv, playing console games. the internet comforted him when nobody else would/could and then he met the future members of meta <33333333 #newbeginnings

present day geon is still struggling, has to go to counseling bi-weekly but he’s coming back out of his shell! he wants to fall in love with life again, just wants to tread carefully... outgoing & will talk to absolutely anyone, but he still spends most of his time alone. hard to reach by text, so if you wanna talk to him, you better call/facetime LMAO. talks a mile a minute, especially if you get him going abt something he really likes. laughs a lot, smiles a lot, more habitual than actual signs of happiness but yk. ummm he has a really loud voice, mostly controlled nowadays but he still gets carried away sometimes. an absolute menace during long drives/flights, sorry meta.

funny but only when he’s in large groups. feeds off of other peoples’ energy, really good at reading a room and breaking the ice/making everyone comfortable, but if you meet him 1-on-1, none of his jokes land quite the same.

i envision him as being the kind of guy who carries himself in such a way that you’d assume he’s really popular/out of reach/maybe even full of himself, but he’s... not like that... at all... in fact, he’s kinda irritating when you get to know him. the personification of a flood followed by a drought and vice versa, always either too much or not enough. gets used/ghosted/dropped/dumped/whatever a lot because he’s soooo fun in the moment (if he isn’t in his feelings), but draining long-term.

really emotionally intelligent, in touch with his feelings in a way that a lot of people never thought he would be (probably thanks to counseling tbh). he’s very very rarely the type of person who will make you wonder what your place in his life is — he’s communicative, kind, honest. ummm he thinks that intimacy between friends needs to be more common, so he’s really affectionate with the people in his life. type of guy to tell you he loves you every chance he gets (calling you when he’s drunk, sounding like a clingy ex type beat) & greet you/depart with a hug. losing his dad kinda fucked him up in the way that he won’t leave/hang up until his friends say “i love you” back, gets kinda (re: very) upset if he’s denied that and/or a hug.

TRIVIA.

has been playing the guitar “longer than he’s been walking” (not really, but he swears it’s true).

uhhh he really likes nail art, but he’s kinda hesitant in what he tries? mainly sticks to black polish (or other plain colors), but sometimes he’ll get little designs added in as well. mainly does it himself because he still doesn’t feel comfortable in salons... if his work looks bad, leave him alone <3 he’s trying

inspired by people like kurt cobain, nicky wire, yungblud, billie joe armstrong & damiano david in the fact that he’s not against wearing dresses or skirts on stage. doesn’t do it ALL the time, but often enough that it doesn’t go unnoticed. some people say that he does it for attention because he doesn’t dress like that elsewhere and tbh they’re probably kinda right

interested in history (only SOME... dinosaurs, ancient civilizations, specialized areas like the history of circuses/clowns/skateboarding/punk, stuff like that yk), stand-up comedy & documentaries. could spend a whole day watching documentaries and would say he had fun, has a lot of useless knowledge that nobody gives a fuck about and is kinda dumb when it comes to things that matter

when it comes to music, he prefers playing really fast and heavy rock or punk over anything else, but he actually listens to a lot more soft indie on his own time... he’s too tense these days to be listening to anything else RIPPP

the vibe: homemade tie-dye, ripped slipknot t-shirts, frosted tips, neon crocs with alien & peace-sign charms, chipped black nail polish, calloused hands, cheesy pick-up lines used NOT to land a date but to pull a smile, driving until he’s lost, stupid socks paired with pressed suits, dramatic poetry in an iphone note, etc. 

PLOT IDEAS.

people he met through online support groups about coping with grief

uhhh an on & off relationship that’s been going for who-knows-how-long. the reason for this is up for discussion, but i imagine that he hasn’t given up yet because the constant highs and lows are a good source of inspo 🤪 artists must suffer for their art!

opposite side of the coin — someone he’s interested in, but he’s NOT disloyal so it’s a pattern of persistent courting when he’s single vs intense friend-zoning when he’s not and they’re getting tired of trying to figure out what he wants from them

someone else who likes nail art & can convince him that NOBODY cares if he goes to a salon

someone (probably female but doesn’t really matter tbh) who feels like his feminism is entirely performative… maybe they attack him directly for it or maybe they just REALLY don’t like him and they’re super vague about it idk. either way, please tell him that activism is much more than recommending one female artist a year and saying “clothes have no gender 🤪” so he can be praised for the bare minimum (his heart is in the right place but his skull is empty)

someone super introverted who comes out of their shell with geon! uhhh maybe they think that he’s the one doing them a favor, but in reality spending time with them has been doing wonders for his mental health

other people who like to skate. let’s congregate at the local skatepark and scare the middle schoolers away

someone who inspires him musically, for whatever reason. lots of late nights in studios, idly strumming his guitar and writing lyrics that definitely aren’t about how their eyes look in these dim lights… umm maybe he thinks he has a crush on them but really doesn’t and ends up hurting them eventually, maybe he really DOES have a crush but will (probably) never do anything abt it or maybe it’s entirely platonic and he just admires them a ridiculous amount

someone who likes to make music as a hobby, prob won’t publish/release any of it but it’s fun to imagine. spontaneous meetings with geon in the middle of the night, recording songs together and keeping the WORST takes for the laughs. there’s probably a diss-track of them going in on each other floating around somewhere even though geon can’t rap for shit

night owls who keep him company on the phone, even if they can’t be there physically. them talking really quietly vs geon shouting at them while he plays games LMAO

gaming buddies. come over, maybe you can carry geon through his game of the week or you can both fail but have fun while you’re at it… or you can scream while he fends off that hoard of zombies behind you

i’m typing this at the last minute (literally) so i’m gonna stop here, but i will get a proper plots page put up asap with a wider variety of connections!!! but as always, please do let me know if you have any other ideas. i’m always happy to plot and write with you all 🌚

[elkian]

I was gonna do a “missing the point”-style meme but I’m honestly not sure that would even work tho so:

Harry Potter and My Hero Academia/Boku no Hero Academia have similar issues with introducing and then immediately ignoring ENORMOUS issues re: ableism.

I think these two series in specific come to mind bc it’s ableism within a specific empowered community, and in both cases the series are pretty well-known and the community (Wix/Heroes) are immediately identifiable to many audiences.

[WARNING: Discussions of ableism, child harm, and abuse on multiple levels.]

What’s the problem?

SQUIBS.

[This post got stupid huge SO here is a tl,dr for all you lovely people who understandably have no time for this.

TL, DR: Both Harry Potter and Boku No Hero have a bad tendency to implement or imply a level of disability regarding unempowered people in empowered societies. They then continue on to completely disregard important conclusions to these implications, such as how heavily it is implied that these unempowered people (Squibs) are so ‘worthless’ to those societies that their very deaths are merely a byline rather than an actual tragedy.

This is especially troubling in MHA/BNHA when so many other political and worldbuilding considerations HAVE been planned out, and seems to be less-discussed in the fandom as a whole, so that’s a much larger chunk of this post.]

That’s your tl, dr!

Here’s the Harry Potter angle:

HP has a bit that I’ve seen people discussing already: Neville’s magic was discovered when his uncle dropped a literal child a potenial lethal distance. 

Neville activating his power and surviving is celebrated, and then JKR immediately glosses over the glaring issue this has introduced: the heavy implication that a Squib dying from this incident would have not have been mourned or even really commented on.

The few adult Squibs (and isn’t that a whole new slice of wonderful /j) are generally disliked and ridiculed for some reason or other. Now, while obviously there are plenty of places where the Venn diagram of “disabled” and “asshole” intersect irl, when your ONLY presentation of a disabled character or group is, every time, an asshole or a fool or both, boy! That’s bad!

Neville (who is generally presented as magically, physically, and mentally weak and often treated as comic relief) is a bit better via the POV Character constantly having positive interactions with him, but this is still a mess. Yes, Neville canonically is not a Squib, but it’s not subtle that he’s on the cusp OF being a Squib, and that is a key element of ridiculing him in many situations (also the whole trauma thing multiple times, like if I really get into it I could do a whole double-size post of how Neville was done dirty or nearly dirty by JK all the time but this isn’t that post).

This isn’t even the point of this post. Let’s move to MHA/BNHA

Hero Academia has differing but honestly even worse issues. And I’m aware that different countries handle ableism and accessibility in different ways, but if you think too hard about it this is an absolute clusterfuck.

What is the problem now?

Squibs! Or rather, the main character of the series, Midoriya Izuku.

Deku (a nickname meaning “useless”! Imparted after his disability is recognized! hilarity!!) is also born without powers. Even worse in some ways, he is born without powers in a world where the overwhelming majority of the global population has some kind of empowerment. I can’t recall if it’s outright stated or only implied that someone with a functionally useless (and hoo boy, usefullness to society is its own post nope not today i do not have that much energy) Quirk is still more of a person than a Quirkless human.

That sink in? Okay, let’s move on.

In a narratively not-uncommon turn of events, Deku gains power. This is partially a product of, and directly tied to, his own work and determination, as well as his willingness to help even when physically outmatched.

To an American audience (NOT the intended audience though I wouldn’t doubt it if Horikoshi meant to have international appeal more or less from the start), this is a deeply satisfying narrative. Who doesn’t love an underdog story? And we even learn that the strongest hero of all time (til this point, anyways) was ALSO born Quirkless!

However, from here, things take a nosedive.

The key problem is a combination of story progression and overall thought put into worldbuilding. Horikoshi’s efforts may not be the MOST thorough, but he has put a great deal of work and thought into his creation (he at least understands the concept of implications and sometimes plans accordingly, looking at you JKR). However, that tied with story progression and personal repercussions actually works to the detriment of the matter.

Especially given recent turns of events.

 [BIG MEGA SPOILERS FOR FAIRLY RECENT PLOT

 STOP HERE IF YOU’RE NOT CAUGHT UP

 SERIOUSLY]

 What I mean by this is the current state of events re: two particular recent/recent-ish plot arcs.

First, Quirk Removal, and second, Endeavor’s comeuppance.

Quirk Removal/Loss was the start of my realization to what the narrative was doing regarding Izuku’s Quirklessness and the state of being overall.

This arc was a perfect time to bring up Midoriya’s past! A lot of Western works certainly would have done so! And yes, it may be bordering on done-to-death, but many elements of Hero Academia put new twists on common themes and cliches; it wasn’t unreasonable to hope that he might do it again.

Instead, little to NOTHING is discussed during this time! In fact, iirc I’d go so far as to say Midoriya straight-up never considers his past at any point during this arc!? If I’m wrong then it obviously made little impact.

NOW, not every disabled character needs to incorporate their disability and/or skills gleaned from living with it in every narrative. In fact, it would get tedious and questionable if they did (note: this does NOT mean ignoring/forgetting the character is even disabled when convenient. Like, I’d like to think that’s the obvious point of this post but... *gestures at tumblr*). 

But the complete lack of it here feels really weird. Like, almost hollow. I think Midoriya makes some kind of suggestion to Mirio of his former Quirklessness at the end of the arc, but nothing that made any kind of impact.

Let’s move on.

Endeavor.

Now, the problem with Endeavor’s arc is not the arc itself. Or, rather, it’s the fact that Endeavor’s Comeuppance is pretty good.

This is a problem because someone else should be getting this exact same arc, yet the issue is never even RECOGNIZED, let alone addressed.

Endeavor’s abuse of his wife and children, all in the name of creating a Heroic legacy, is publicized and tanks his popularity. The general public is now aware of what he’s done to the people closest to him, which aside from giving him a more correct reputation, means they can’t trust him to protect them if they can’t trust him to protect his own family.

This isn’t the goal of this post and I’m no expert regardless, but up to this point (around chapter 290) this was handled in an interesting way. Endeavor is humanized and often shown interacting with people in a way that, while often domineering, isn’t always aggressive or abusive. He runs a Hero Agency for crying out loud! But abuse in the real world often isn’t constant, nor happening to everyone in contact with the abuser. So this is a surprisingly good lead up to the reveal, where you can understand how most people never realized this was an issue.

But here’s my main point. Let’s examine some traits and actions that come up:

physically abusive to a child (often dangerously so) to the point of permanent trauma and severe scarring in some cases

target of abuse was weaker (physically and/or regarding Quirk power)

often abused victim emotionally/psychologically, bringing this weakness up again and again

own immense power led to rising in the world of Heroics

comrades, fellow Heroes, UA teachers etc. not aware of prior abuse issues

Who does this sound like?

Endeavor, who has a whole fucking arc dedicated to this reveal and repercussions?

Or Bakugou?

Reminder: This isn’t a hate post. This isn’t a character post, or even an abuse post. This is about ableism.

Bakugou exhibits many, many traits and actions that Endeavor was literally just punished for. So why does the treatment of these characters in-universe differ so drastically?

Two primary reasons I can think of, which feed into each other:

1) Bakugou was a child (still technically is a minor, remember! Still a first-year high schooler!) when this started. This doesn’t mean he’s strictly innocent, but it’s an important point, because it leads us to

2) Bakugou Katsuki’s abuse of Midoriya Izuku is socially accepted.

Reminder of the audience’s first encounter with Katsuki. The very first page with him is him and his grade-school posse picking on a kid that Izuku is trying to protect. His posse is showing off their Quirk powers and mocking Izuku’s lack thereof.

Then we flash forward to late-middle school versions of the kids. Bakugou, in front of a fucking teacher and entire class, is verbally, physically, etc. abusive to Izuku. He trashes his stuff, threatens him, tells him to kill himself (which, as Izuku notes later, is a fucking felony in Japan too).

No one stops him.

No one criticizes him.

We don’t even get a shot of like, some more ‘regular’ students being like “man Bakugou’s kinda fucked up but we’re too scared to do anything about it” NO. NO. Everyone more or less either backs Katsuki up or straight up doesn’t care.

Remember that this started when Katsuki and Izuku were four. Remember that Katsuki’s power is absurdly dangerous, ie. LITERAL. GODDAMN. EXPLOSIONS.

Izuku has scars. He probably has hearing loss! He may have gotten at least one concussion which can cause serious neurological issues and open him up to further risk!

He could have died.

And?

NO ONE. DOES. ANYTHING.

THIS is the point of the post. THIS is the value placed on Quirkless people in this society.

And yet. Despite Endeavor’s comeuppance. Despite All Might and Izuku’s blatant ‘value’ to society through Heroics. Despite so many other political implications and quandaries address in the Hero Academia series.

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing about this is addressed. The nearly-lethal ableism towards Quirkless people in this society is never ONCE brought up properly once Izuku receives One For All.

There is so much potential here! There is so much worth talking about! And yet we’ve moved into what feels very much like the Final Battle without it being addessed, despite numerous, numerous opportunities for a meaningful conversation about it along the way.

Mirio losing his power! Hell, Mirio’s powers’ drawbacks (and pretty much every Quirk’s drawback! if acknowledged properly!) border on a disability-analogue, and even more when Yuga’s laser comes up, and yet again and again we fail to truly engage with the matter in a meaningful way.

At this point, even if it comes up in the finale, I’m going to be disappointed in this particular aspect of the series due to the complete and total shut-down it’s been given so far.

What the FUCK, Horikoshi?