#a playlist for every evermore song

[taylorslastkiss]

A Playlist For Every Taylor Swift Song

willow -> Link here.

My top tracks:

Feels Like - Gracie Abrams

Ho Hey - The Lumineers

Never Enough - One Direction

Glory & Gore - Lorde

Satanist - boygenius

[htylmg]

the day taylor plays epiphany or happiness is the day im jumping off the fucking texas schoolbook depository and getting my head cracked open on the same spot jfk died

[riordanness]

okay so every single (okay some) pjo character and their opinion on taylor swift bc that’s all i think about:

percy jackson: isn’t the biggest swiftie in the world but adores her music if it’s on. he owns at least two copies of the 1989 cd and his fav song to blast while skateboarding is welcome to new york ofc.

annabeth chase: absolutely loves taylor, probably really resonated with her lyrics and storytelling style tbh. her favourite albums are definitely 1989 (the beach-y california vibe yk), lover, and midnights and folklore and evermore and fearless and reputation and speak now. (what can i say—she’s a swiftie)

grover underwood: he’s a music guy. ofc he likes taylor swift. probably only knows like four songs total, and they’re all from like debut and fearless but hey. that’s something.

piper mclean: you can’t tell me she doesn’t ADORE reputation. and probably fearless too actually. definitely has some kind of merch (a signed cd??) in her room back home.

hazel levesque: obviously didn’t know anything about her but once introduced, loves folklore and evermore and the tortured poets department. soft and soothing songs are defo her thing.

leo valdez: old mate probably listens to all too well every day tbh. he doesn’t love her and definitely isn’t a swiftie, but red (especially the vault tracks and the songs written for hunger games) are always welcome.

jason grace: my boy knows nothing. nothing. but you bet he finds out about her eventually and doesn’t really have an opinion either way. he neither hates or loves or dislikes or likes. it’s just music to him.

frank zhang: probably likes debut. but probably also never really thought about her or knew much about her music bc of his grandmother and stuff yk.

nico di angelo: to anyone’s face: absolutely not. but secretly? oh yeah. he would totally listen to folklore and shit are you kidding me?? he’s such a swiftie.

reyna avila ramirez-arellano: yes and no. a couple songs in her playlist but not like. that much. she doesn’t really mind her and doesn’t really love her either.

luke castellan: he’s lowkey a hater. probably listens to kanye just to spite swifties and writes those hate comments on all her fanpages and shit yk.

thalia grace: she likes about half of the reputation songs and a couple of ttpd too. (especially look what you made me do). but she’s more into older music like green day (iykyk hehe)

silena beauregard: UH. YES. lover girl in the flesh. she is totally the camp’s biggest swiftie and is the one who got annabeth into her. she’d defo have merch and posters and have memorised everything.

clarisse la rue: silena made her do it. that’s what she’d tell you,and it’s true!! but she has a secret soft spot for a good taylor swift song.

chris rodriguez: knows about her through clarisse, doesn’t really give a damn about her.

charles beckendorf: BIGGEST SWIFTIE EVER headcanon okok. owns merch. posters. go to her tours. the whole shibing shabong iykyk

apollo/lester papadopoulos: duh. he’s the god of music bro. i think he would appreciate the literal music industry herself

meg mccaffery: no way. she’s a professional hater for the pure fun of it, has probably never heard a single song other than shake it off, and comments ‘kanye better’ on all her fan accounts

carter kane: tbh he would appreciate her lyricism a lot, but doesn’t strike me as someone who listens to that much music in general?? also he wouldn’t really know a lot of normal pop culture stuff necessarily, so…

sadie kane: she likes her. she likes everything. she’s a pop girlie fs, so reputation/midnights are her BANGER albums. she would definitely have some taylor swift on her ipod playlist, but she’d be more into avril lavigne, lady gaga, olivia rodrigo and stuff like that.

zia rashid: who’s taylor swift?

magnus chase: the only canon swiftie magnus you have my heart. he’s also a basic white girl, thank you very much. he literally (IN CANON BTW) recognises ‘blank space’ and ‘i know places’ and identifies them as taylor swift. so. yeah. he’s a swiftie fs

coach hedge: lol nope. he’d have the worst music taste of all time. NEVER give him the aux

sally jackson: she would LOVEEE evermore and speak now and debut, fight me. she’s also just the perfect person ever so ofc she loves taylor swift

paul blofis: would defo vibe to it imo, but would never put any songs in his playlist tho cause he’s boring ok maybe he would for sally’s sake. and estelle’s

[redisveryyummy]

Late night modern hotd music headcanons :D

Rheanyra loves Beyonce so fucking much dude

She feels like she would have one playlist and it's just called boss bitch or something

Reputation is the only Taylor Swift album she constantly listens to and evermore but we won't talk about that

Former theater kid, if you disagree argue with the wall

I am a strong believer that she is a fan of musicals/romcoms and her and her boys have a movie night where they watch their favorites and sing every song word for word

(Daemon does not participate)

ESPECIALLY MAMMA MIA

Rheanyra singing "Slipping Through My Fingers" to Jace and/or Luke has me sobbing my eyes out dude

Jace, Luke, and Joffery singing "Honey Honey" omg

JACE AND (INSERT S/O OF YOUR CHOICE PROBABLY CREGAN) SINGING "LAY YOUR LOVE ON ME" TO EACH OTHER AGHSBSUDBHD

Daemon listens to dad rock and dubstep exclusively, nothing else

Bro is literally the cbat guy

Daemon is really the kind of guy that would be like "there's this band but you probably wouldn't know it because it's so underground" and it's literally Weezer

Alicent loves her yearning music

Phoebe Bridgers, Frankie Cosmos, Laufey, Mitski, Conan Gray

Two words. BOY. GENIUS.

Her and Rheanyra have TOTALLY gone to many boy genius concerts together

folklore folklore folklore

Aegon 😐😑😐

Cbat guy 2.0

Listens to WAY to much house music

No real music taste

Whatever is on the radio, but like the radio in 2016 you know?? Or like late 2000's

1989 (Taylor's Version) he's not a monster lol

Usher (that's the only person I can think of rn lol)

Aemond only listens to classical music or weird experimental jazz because he thinks it makes him different

Activity hates on Taylor Swift for all the wrong reasons

Secretly likes her a little and is way too excited for The Tortured Poets Department

Helaena is so whimsical I love her sm <3

Very much into indie stuff with down to earth vibes

Hozier, The Crane Wives, Noah Kahn, Everybody's Worried About Owen, Bears in Trees, Maya Hawk

"Why Am I Like This" by Orla Gartland...iykyk

Jacaerys Velaryon is an Arianna Grande FAN I don't make the rules

Him, Beala, and Rheana definitely have little dance parties whenever they come over

Loves Ari and Brittany

Also enjoys country music

He gets it from his daddy 🥰

Taylor Swifts Self Title is his everything

LUCERYS VELARYON IS A THEATER KID I REPEAT LUCERYS VELARYON IS A THEATER KID

It's all his mom's fault

His playlists are all just musical soundtracks

Little Shop of Horrors, Heathers, The Falsettos, RIDE THE CYCLONE, BE MORE CHILL, Dear Evan Hansen, Hamilton

Same with the Hazbin Hotel soundtrack y'all don't even know

Luke loves "Hell is Forever"

Also bro has a HORRIBLE singing voice

Anyway I will probably have more tomorrow but that is what I got for tonight :))

[janesociety]

how different marauders characters would act at a taylor swift concert w/ you ⭑

inspired by this post by the lovely @bealovesmarauders

(0.7k)

remus knows her discography by heart. he was originally a little insecure to sing the whole time, but he can’t help but sing along when you look so cute dancing and screaming the words to each song. he probably would’ve been the one to buy tickets after you came to terms with your chances of getting them being so slim, so when he surprised you with them you were over the moon. he would’ve gotten you two lower bowl seats so you would be really close but also able to see every single visual. he also would’ve offered to stand and wait in the merch line during the openers and before the concert started so you could have fun and watch them and have a cute t-shirt to take home.

james “swiftie” potter would be going absolutely feral. he would’ve gotten floor seats that were at least in the first ten rows so he could feel everything. he would’ve made a huge ordeal about surprising you with the tickets. i just know he would take you out to a fancy brunch before you guys got ready for the concert. he would probably want you two to go as miss americana and the heartbreak prince and people would definitely use your pictures as inspo for their shows. i also think he’d be the type to propose during lover or love story if you were at that point in the relationship. he would’ve been all cute about it too and told everyone around you so they could film and take pictures for you guys during the moment. he would also make a show of carrying you back to your car after the concert, even if your feet didn’t hurt that bad from the extremely uncomfortable shoes you inevitably would wear.

oh, sirius. i feel like he’s a total music snob and was really only going originally because you were so excited about it. but then he gets to the concert and he’s awestruck. he would’ve gone insane during the beat drop in don’t blame me but also prob would’ve teared up during my tears ricochet. he would’ve loved every moment of it and would immediately regret not learning all her songs before the concert. i think he’d be so obsessed that the minute he got home he would’ve gone online and bought you two more tickets for either the second night in your city or the next closest show. he’d also probably make you explain all the lore and stories behind everything on the way home. you just know that next time, he will be so prepared he will outshine every other swiftie boyfriend in the crowd. he’s also a rep girly.

lily is a swiftie through and through. there’s not doubt in my mind that she’s not an evermore and lover girly. she would’ve fought hard for those tickets and she would be so proud when she surprised you with them. you and her would spend so much time picking out the perfect themed outfits for the night and would definitely end up in a few of those “my fav outfits i saw at the era’s tour!” videos. she definitely has a note in her notes app where she keeps track of all the surprise songs and which ones she wants (she was heartbroken after dbatc and clean were taken in the same night, but she also knows that there’s not a single song that she’d be disappointed in getting). it honestly doesn’t matter where your seats are because no matter what you two will be having so much fun it won’t even matter in the end.

regulus, unlike sirius, actually prepared for the concert. he was definitely doing his research before hand. he was never a big taylor swift fan before, but when he saw your eyes light up when you told him you got tickets, he knew he had to be ready. he spent months listening to each album one by one, making playlists, attempting to learn words, and maybe even looking into the meaning behind the songs. he may get a little too caught up in connecting each song to one of her relationships and prob would wear and “i <3 T. S.” shirt to the concert. like james, he would’ve offered to carry you out of the arena, but unlike james, he would’ve listened to you saying no and would’ve been content simply holding your shoes in one hand and your hand in the other.

[kaufmann-6]

What are the batfamily's thoughts on Taylor Swift?

I think Bruce would dislike her the most but not because he thinks she's bad, but because his kids listen to her so much and people *cough* Dick *cough* talk about her incessantly that it's become annoying and if he hears Dick scream "Hey, I don't know about you, but I'm feeling 22!" at the top of his lungs one more time he's going to lash out.

Damian probably pretends he doesn't like her. I don't think he listens to Taylor, but after Dick forced him to listen to every single song on the Folklore album he's gained some respect for her writing, that album is really relatable, many songs talk about mental health and some other stuff I think Damian would relate to.

Jason, on the other hand, is the secret swiftie. He tells eveyone his favorite band is some rock or heavy metal one like ACDC (which he does like) but meanwhile he's listening to the Speak Now and Reputation albums on repeat.

Cass probably doesn't care about Taylor that much, but she laughs at Bruce's misery and listens to her songs if it means she can spend more time with her siblings and has something to talk about with them.

I think Tim has some very crazy musical taste. I can imagine him having zero playlists, he just hits shuffle on his library and goes for it. So he likes Taylor's songs, but probably wouldn't be able to name her. He's like "oh yeah I like that song, I have it saved on by library but I have no idea of who the singer/band of this one is".

Babs likes Taylor and she has no shame on admitting that. Dick is the one who turned her, obviously. I think she would sit on an armchair, curled up with a book and listen to Evermore as she reads.

Stephanie doesn't think Taylor is bad, but she probably doesn't like her as much as some of the other members of family do. Maybe she has like, five Taylor songs in her library that she (secretly, she didn't want him to know and freak out) saw Jason listen to that she couldn't deny were good, but she doesn't activelly listens to Taylor.

Alfred, well, he isn't a pop guy, but he obviously knows eveything that there is to know about Taylor because Dick is a millenial and he would spend hours talking about Taylor to Aflie when Bruce got tired of him.

He got curious one day and listened to some of her songs. They weren't his taste but he gets why Dick likes her.

I don't know much about Duke's personality to know for sure but I think he likes her, he probably has a pop playlist on his phone and Taylor is there along with other artists he likes. He’s a casual fan, doesn't know anything about her life but enjoys some of her music.

And finally the ultimate #1 Swiftie, Dick Grayson. He's obsessed with Taylor and has been listening her music since the vey beggining. Knows every song and the meaning behind them, knows everything about Taylor life and the drama stories and calls Taylor and Travis his parents, which makes Bruce extremelly ofended.

He bugs his entire family about the latest Taylor nation news, tells jokes like "I'm in my junk food era" and "you never get out of style, baby", tries to insert Taylor references in every conversations, would absolutely be that friend who would tell you to name your baby Rebekah or Marjorie and broke a coffee mug when he found out Jason liked Taylor, hugging him excitedly.

[scarletgemstone]

Hazbin hotel ships playlist

disclaimer I own nothing everything belongs to the rightful owners please go and support them and be nice

chaggie

You’re in my head like a catchy song

never say never by Cole swindell and Lainey wilson

i love you like a love song

evermore

mary on a cross

so this is love

a thousand years

monster (obsidian)

huskerdust

counting stars

i’m glad you came

rewrite the stars

listen to your heart

falling in love with you

radiodust

Every time we touch

a thousand years

on this day

your in my head like a catchy song

spidermoth

Every time we touch

play date

somebody to love by queen

radiobelle

Evermore

tale as old as time

[alwritey-aphrodite]

I don’t know about you…

But I’m feeling 22! In honor of my 22nd birthday, I thought I’d host a little celebration that we can think of as a little birthday party! And because it’s my Taylor Swift birthday, it is of course eras themed. To play, just send me the name of the album and any other information I’d need from the description of the game/prompt and I’ll do my best to answer in a timely manner <3 This runs from today (July 20) to my birthday (August 1), and please feel free to send as many asks as you’d like, as long as there’s only one era per ask <3

debut (our song in the slam of screen doors): send me a character, a situation, a vibe, an aesthetic, and i’ll make a little 5 song playlist for you

speak now (stop checking your mailbox for confessions of love): send in a love note! for me, or yourself, or anyone else on here - just spread some love and appreciation

fearless (take me somewhere we can be alone): send me a character and i’ll give you a few random headcannons, or send me your headcannons for them and we can chat <3

red (i’m feeling 22): send me 1-3 characters from the list below and a theme for a birthday party, and i’ll tell you who I’d invite and who i wouldn’t

1989 (got lovesick all over my bed): send me a little description of yourself and a character category from the list, and i’ll give you a ship

reputation (sirens to the beat of my heart): send me any three characters for a game of fmk!

lover (at every table, i’ll save you a seat): send me 3-5 characters from the list below, whether they’re from the same fandom or not, and i’ll tell you how i’d arrange them at a table at a dinner party

folklore (loosing on card game bets with Dalí): send me any sort of game (would you rather, this or that, etc) and we’ll play it!

evermore (my picture in your wallet): send me a character, a situation, a vibe, an aesthetic, and i’ll make a little moodboard for you

midnights (stumble down pretend alleyways): send me a character and an au, and i’ll explain how i’d combine them or write a little baby blurb

the tortured poets department (who uses typewriters anyway): send me a title for a fic and a character, and i’ll write either a 5 sentence baby blurb or an explanation of what i’d write for a full length fic

Character/Fandom List

Game of Thrones/House of The Dragon

Ted Lasso

Star Wars

Moon Knight

TASM!Peter Parker

Finnick Odair

Sejanus Plinth

Coriolanus Snow

Tagging a handful of my lovely friends: @onceuponaoneshotfanfic @pedrito-friskito @beybaldes @hopefulromances @veryprairieberry @whimsical-roasting @dameronalone @eyelessfaces @katsu28

[myoddessy]

evermore. cl16

summary—you had fallen in love with charles to the sound of squeaking tricycles and high-pitched laughter. You'd loved him through every race, just as he'd loved you through every audition. Loving him had become as natural as breathing, so when he walks out the door for the last time, your left choked and alone.

what to expect—actress!reader, angst (lots of angst), based on a load of songs from taylor swift's evermore, mostly focused around charles' pov, slightly rushed/kinda open ending. for the sake of drama let's pretend that Monaco and Spa gps were in the same month in 2022.

word count—3.8k

He's a nice guy. You know it, he knows it, everyone who's ever heard of the name Charles Leclerc would know he's a nice guy. He was a gentleman. He followed the sidewalk rule, opened doors for you, practically threw his jacket at you the second you so much as shivered around him.

But more than that, more than the kindness that you could find anywhere if you looked hard enough, Charles understood you. He saw you, really saw you. He knew you as more than record breaker, more than a star, more than a lover, more than a friend. In mornings of intimacy and nights of passion, Charles had built you a home in his heart and swore you would always be safe there.

But now, as you stood in your kitchen, staring blankly at the empty chairs, you knew you could call Charles one more thing.

A liar.

You cursed yourself for feeling bitter, knowing he hadn't left your apartment that night unscathed either. You almost wished he had. Maybe if there was an actual villain in your story, it would be easier to admit that it's over.

If he wasn't such a nice guy. If he had screamed at you, demeaned you, equated your self to nothing, you could convince yourself you were better off without him. But you weren't. You know it, he knows it, anyone who met you before him knows it too.

You sigh and roll your eyes because you know as much as you try to hate him, you never will. He will never be your villain, so you'll just have to settle with him being nothing.

You'd faced heartbreak before, but those guys had all worked in your fairytale favour. Much needed antagonists, if you will. With every snide remark towards your success, they'd pushed you towards Charles' open arms. You'd learned how to cope with that pain, but this one was different. Nobody teaches you what to do when a good man hurts you, after all.

Some nights, when you woke up because of a window you forgot to close, you swear you can still feel him. Still hear the light hum of his sleeping breaths. Still smell the homely scent of his cologne. But then, when you turn to the other side of the bed, hoping all of this had just been a bad dream, your met with cold pillows and empty space, and remember that this is your life now, not what once was.

You had to break all your habits, forge new routines, because everything had been reliant on Charles. Instead of calling him as soon as you got back from set, you started running baths and catching up on episodes of shows you used to love that never suited his taste. Instead of carving days out of your limited free time to fly to who-knows-where for races, you explored the cities you were in and rekindled lost bonds with old friends.

Ever since Charles had left, on a surface level, you'd been thriving. Your friends admired it, saying you were strong and powerful for how you'd taken your heartbreak and turned it to success.

They didn't need to know about the slipping of your hand when you make enough dinner for two, or how you found yourself reverting back to the playlist of French classics he'd made for you whenever you felt particularly lonely.

It had been two months. Days ticked by and with every one that passed, you found yourself selfishly hoping that Charles Leclerc would disappear. From your memory, from your heart, from your world. Because every time you felt you were having a breakthrough, every time you made just enough breakfast, you'd leave the house and see magazine cover celebrating his success, every time you found a new song to listen to, you overhear a rumour that he took a model back to his hotel last weekend.

There was a time when you'd happily let Charles occupy your mind, but that time was long passed, and you needed it to stay that way.

No matter how well—or unwell—you handled it on your own, Charles couldn't say he fared much better. He still pulled out two wine glasses, still reached out to nothing in the dead of night, still heard the sound of your laughter ringing in his ears when the shrieks of fans should drown it out.

He swore he was going insane, but what a beautiful torment you were, and if seeing your shadow around every city street was his downfall, then hysteria was welcomed with open arms.

He wished he could say he didn't regret it. That ending things was what was best. He could say that at the time, but as days came and went, he found himself doubting. He had insisted that both of your schedules would be the death of you. With him flying around the world to race and to train, and you being flown out to anywhere and everywhere to film, and pose, and answer questions that he knew you hated, you had to fight tooth and nail to spend any time with each other.

Charles hated to admit it, but most of the sacrifice had come from you. You never complained, of course you didn't, you were nice like that. Loving, understanding. Of course you wouldn't tell him about the offers you declined and the covershoots you'd missed to visit him at a race. You never wanted him to know, but he found out anyway.

He was in the en suite, you were in the bedroom. Charles remembered that you'd gotten a call before he got in the shower, he had made note to ask why you looked so stressed when you answered. You'd kept your voice quiet, Charles only later understanding why.

So engrossed in the conversation, you hadn't noticed Charles shut the water off, nor had you heard him open the bathroom door. Your back was facing him.

"Viv, I'm sorry. You know I'm sorry, but I can't take it on right now. I'm booked to go to Spa that week, then I have to come back to Monaco, you know how important it is that I'm there." Your voice was soft, Charles couldn't tell if you were fighting tears or consoling someone. He could vaguely hear the person on the other line.

"Y/n, this is huge! I mean, come on, you've talked about wanting to work with Wes Anderson how many times? Can't you miss two races?"

"I know." Your agent was a tough woman to bargain with, but you knew she only ever wanted the best for you. "But I can't miss these, he needs the support. He deserves it."

Charles didn't hear the rest of what was said, moving into the bathroom again to look at his reflection with a wave of guilt hitting him suddenly. He splashed cold water on his face, preparing himself to face you and tell you that you needed to take the job. That, even if the luck that came with your presence pulled through, any victories would pale in comparison to how selfish he'd feel knowing what you gave up to be there.

But when he finally reopened the door, and he saw the happy smile you gave him with a small hum of good shower? the words died on his tongue. He would regret it for forever, but he didn't dare ruin the domesticity of the night with tears and arguments.

Now, three months after the split, Charles sees a tweet announcing a new film. Normally he ignored those notices, you always told him the important stuff anyway, but when he saw your picture posed proudly, he stalled. A leading role in the new Wes Anderson feature, set to start filming a month from then. He didn't feel sadness or jealousy at your ability to succeed, he smiled and carried on with his day.

The next time Charles was reminded of memories of you was a mere week after he saw the tweet, when he decided to take a run through the streets of Monaco. He passed a park on his way, slowing to a walk to admire the scenery. It wasn't anything abnormal, people walking their dogs, couples strolling with linked arms, kids screeching with joy as they ran around the playground.

But the one thing that made him stop was two children sitting on a bench near the gates. Their legs hung over the edges, swinging back and forth while they talked. The shorter one, the girl with twin plaits and a frilly pink dress had her head tilted to the sky, giggling at the clouds passing by, murmuring something about how they looked like bunnies. The taller one, the boy with a shaggy haircut and baggy clothes, however, had his eyes trained on her, nodding mindlessly while she babbled on excitedly, a noticeable blush on his face. And, suddenly, he's five years old again, playing with his toy car in the same playground with a bright-eyed girl in a pink frilly dress running up to him to tell him his hair is funny.

He remembers being offended at first, then falling into a fit of laughter to match hers. He didn't learn her name that day, nor the day after when they bumped into each other in the same way, in fact, it wasn't until a week after when he finally learned her name, and it was through pure chance.

It happened in a bakery, one he hasn't stepped foot in in three months. He'd been dragged along on errands by his mother, coaxed by the promise of pastries at the end. He waited impatiently on a highstool facing the window while she ordered, his head resting on folded arms. Then, after what felt like a century, he heard his mother come up behind him, a large bag of sweets in on hand, the other thrown around the shoulder of another woman.

"Oh my, he's grown so much!" The woman exclaimed. All Charles did was look at her funny, the only thing he wanted to do was go home and eat. The overhead bell rang as the door opened.

"Mama!" A small, high-pitched voice called. "Papa says we need to go or we'll be late to the shoot." A young girl walked up to the woman Charles didn't quite know. She wore a pink dress that Charles recognized in an instant—quite impressive for a five year old, he'd later brag. Oh, so you were always down bad, Lando would then chime in, and chaos would ensue.

She gasped happily. "Funny Hair!" She exclaimed, pointing at Charles. Their mothers exchanged confused looks. "Mama, this is the boy from the park. The one who let me play with the cars!"

Pascale saw the bashful face on her boy and smiled warmly, placing a hand on his back to help him off the chair. She nudged her head towards you, silently urging Charles to properly introduce himself. "I'm Charles." He mumbled, nervous under three pairs of eyes.

Dimples carved into your cheeks at your gap-toothed grin. "I'm Y/n." You reached forward and shook his hand, turning to your mother once more to politely remind her that you had somewhere very important to be.

With goodbyes and promises of coffee and lunch while you and your parents were still in Monaco, you left, leaving Charles with nothing more than a red face, a fast-beating heart, and a name to put to the girl who insulted his hair. You saw each other here and there after, your mothers dragging you both along when they met up until it eventually became you dragging them out the door in sheer eagerness to see each other again.

Many things changed since those fateful days in Monaco. You grew from TV ads to Hollywood leads, he grew from toy cars to formula tracks. You both stopped hating adults who kissed in your presence, and ended up being the bane of his cousins' existence. One thing that didn't change, however, was Charles forcing you to sit down and watch the, now old, Sky TV ad you were rushing off to film when he first learned your name.

Charles smiled at the sky as he carried on with his run.

Nobody could truly understand why you broke up, other than you and Charles. Beneath the adoration and pride, there was a hidden torment. A nagging feeling tugged at your heart every time you sat in Ferrari hospitality instead of curled up in a trailer, working on a project. A similar feeling washed over Charles every time he saw your shining eyes, knowing what should've been was forgotten so you could be here.

He hated what he was making you. He knew your career was your truest love and your dearest pride. He knew the blood, sweat, and tears you'd put into earing a name and a platform for yourself so you could support your family and help those who couldn't help themselves. He knew that your greatest joys would always come from performing, how you had a special smile reserved for when you saw the results of your work and dedication. He knew that, despite loving him wholly, you were changing who you were at your core to fit him.

He loved the sight of you cheering his name in a sea of red, but whenever he closed his eyes, he saw the way you looked when you turned down a job to support him, and feared that if it went on, you'd grow to resent him.

Above anything, his greatest fear was you seeing him as your downfall as opposed to your lover and, in the end, the only fate worse than being left in your past, was being someone you hated.

yourusername just posted !

Shit. Through everything, Charles had forgotten to turn off your post notifications. His thumb hovered over the screen, fighting temptation to see what you were up to. But, like he always was around you, Charles found himself helpless, clicking the banner and swallowing hard.

liked by zendaya, finnwolfhard, jennaortega, and 650,901 others

yourusername stumbled down pretend alleyways, cheap wine, make-believe it's champagne 🥂

zendaya babe you're glowing 🥺🥺

tchalamet 🔥🔥🔥

ynslover I WAS TAKEN BY RHE VIEW LIKE WE WERE IN PARUS

lecl3rcszn crying bcs y/n posts about being in Paris THE DAY AFTER I FLY BACK FROM THERE

On instinct, Charles liked the post, scrambling to unlike it with a sharp gasp moments later. He cursed himself for the slip of his thumb, praying nobody had caught it. But he knew yours and his fans well, and knew that at least one person had taken a screenshot in the time it took for him to realise his mistake. "Fuck." He groaned, tossing his phone across the bed and running his hands over his face, preparing for the media shitstorm that would come over the next few days.

You screamed into your pillow when you saw the notification. 

“Who does he think he is?” You asked the empty room. Standing up from your bed to pace around, your dog looking at you with a quirked head. “Don’t judge me.” You pointed at her. “I mean, seriously, who the fuck likes their exes post not even a minute after it was uploaded?” You chewed on the side of your thumb. “It was probably a coincidence, right? I happened to post just when he refreshed his feed. He definitely doesn’t have my notifications on, does he?” Again, you were met with silence. 

“Ugh!” You groaned out, falling onto your bed once again and covering your face with your hands. You thought you were over this shit, you thought you were over him. It had been months, you’d been on Vogue, you’d been on SNL, you’d done the interviews, and the ads, and the photoshoots, and you’d booked the role of your dreams, and with one stupid fucking like, Charles Leclerc had ruined it. 

All of your work, all of the hours you’d poured into TheWizardLiz and whatever ‘New Mindset, New Me’ creators you’d found, was now worth nothing because you were back where you were three months ago. Lying in your unmade bed with a heavy heart and a mind full of Charles. 

You wanted to cry. You’d tried so hard to put yourself and your progress in the forefront of your mind, but now all you could think about was the night he left.

He’d flown out to you in NYC, handful of roses and a pocketful of sunshine. You hoped he hadn’t come over with the intention of ending it. You didn’t know if you could handle him being that happy, all to break things off. 

It was on the last day of his week-long stay. He’d made you a fancy dinner, lit candles, set flowers. A foolish part of you thought he was going to propose, but when his hands found yours on the couch later that night, what he said was anything but romantic. 

The Dom Perignon on the table was long forgotten, the only sound between his words was the cracking of your glass heart. “It’s for the best.” You heard him say through the ringing in your ears. “We’ll grow to hate each other.” “I’ll always love you.” “Say something, please?” 

“So we’re over? Just like that?” For the first time since he’d met you, the loud, vivacious girl he’d grown to love was nowhere to be seen. Your voice was hushed and small, your shoulders were hunched. You were making yourself small and it was his fault, the fact made him sick. 

“I’m sorry.” His voice was gentle, their was a crack in his words and tears in my eyes. You sniffled and wiped your eyes with the back of your hand. 

“I- um- I think you should go.” Your voice was thick with tears shed and more welling up. Charles sighed and nodded in understanding. “I’m out tomorrow for lunch with Timothee and Saoirse at 1 so you can get your stuff then, if you want.” You mumbled out, barely audible as he stood by the door. 

He halted halfway through the threshold, and the young girl in you with a pink dress and pigtails hoped he was going to turn back and kiss you and say it was all a dream. But he didn’t. He did something much worse. 

“I really do love you, you know that, right?” A beat of silence. “And I really am sorry.” 

That was when you knew you couldn’t hate him. Because you did know it, you knew he loved you. You knew this wasn’t what he wanted, but it was what you both needed. You could hear him crying on the other side of the door, him resting against it for a minute or two before finally leaving. 

He repeated a mantra in his head as he went down the elevator, It's for the best. Sometimes giving up is the right thing, he told himself as his footsteps echoed through the parking lot. Sometimes to run is the strong thing.

As he turned on the car and drove far away from his true home, he prayed that was true.

It had been 9 months since the break-up. Your feet ached from the heels you’d been wearing all night, and the comfort of your apartment had never been more appreciated. You really did it. The premiere was everything you could have wanted. The afterparty had stretched into the AM, and praise had been thrown at you for hours, much like the drinks. 

But as early morning moonlight still lingered through the windows, you didn’t want the champagne, or the glitz and glamour, all you wanted was a nice, home-cooked meal. You sat up from the couch, stretching like a cat, designer gown still hugging your figure as you shuffled to the kitchen, rummaging through your cupboards to grab some pasta. You pressed shuffle on a playlist of your current favourite songs.

New York had never really been strange to Charles, whenever he visited, he always had an A-class tour guide in you. But as he wandered through the streets in their 4am glory, alone after Pierre abandoned him for some reason he couldn’t quite remember, he knew he couldn’t feel like more of a tourist if he tried. His eyes were hazy with sleep and a mild buzz from the club he’d just left, but his mind cleared when he looked up to the gleaming billboards and saw your face. 

He smiled, continued walking, and thought about the times you’d practically pulled his arm off to show him around whenever he visited. He didn’t really know where he was going, but with the certainty in his heart, he knew his hotel must be somewhere near. 

“Shit!” You cursed, your hand slipping for the first time in months. Enough pasta for two. At least I’ll have some left over for tomorrow. You thought with a huff. You swayed along to the music gently, humming the lyrics to invisible string with a content smile. 

25C. That seemed right. Charles felt around his pockets for his keycard, grumbling indistinct complaints when he remembered he left it in the hotel room with the intent of using Pierre’s after the club. He raised his hand to knock, hoping his friend wasn’t too tired, or too occupied elsewhere. 

A knock made you jump in your skin. “Who the fuck makes house calls at 4:30?” You asked yourself. You wiped your hands down with a cloth and walked to the door, too hungry to bother checking the peephole.

"Oh."

"Oh." Your jaw slacked and your hands grew clammy. You hid them behind the lavish ruffles of your dress.

Charles was knocked back to sobriety, wide awake, and heart thumping out of his chest.

"What are you doing here?"

"Would you believe me if I said I was just in the area?"

You huffed out a laugh, Charles joined, and it soon transcended to a small fit of giggles.

"I think I'm a bit lost." He admitted sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck.

"You think?" You teased, and a small part of you was screaming at you to stop joking and slam the door, but the rest was elated in the comfort of the ease in which you talked.

He wasn't a stranger to you. He never would be.

You wondered if you'd regret what you were about to do when morning came.

"It's late, if you need a place to stay, I still have that extra room." You but the inside of your cheeks when his eyes widened. "And I accidentally made enough food for two people, so the choice is yours. We can catch up."

Charles looked to the apartment behind you, then back you, then back to the apartment, a silent game of tennis to see if you were really serious.

When you smiled at him and stepped aside, showing him the opportunity was his, all he had to do was grab it, he nearly jumped for joy. But instead of screaming and kissing you then and there, he just smiled with his usual boyish charm.

"I'd like that."

[taylorslastkiss]

A Playlist For Every Taylor Swift Song

ivy -> Link here.

My top tracks:

Give You What You Like - Avril Lavigne

I Walk The Line - Halsey

lacy - Olivia Rodrigo

River Lea - Adele

Northern Lights - Rachel Diggs

[marvelfanfn2187a113]

Another thought came.

Dean pretending not to be a swiftie with his swftie sister.

Dean pretends he doesn't care about Travis and Taylor's relationship when he probably watched the Superbowl with his little sister and hoped the Chiefs would win.

Dean pretends that he did learn the entire Eras Tour setlist because his sister is always listening to it and pretends that the playlist of songs that are played on the Impala is ONLY because his sister likes that music.

Dean pretends that he made friendship bracelets with his sister, Cas and Sam just so they don't have a bonding moment and not because he finds it funny and reminds him of his childhood.

Dean pretends he knows about Taylor's new album because his sister has been talking about it and not because Dean actually follows Taylor on Instagram.

I can do this with a broken heart it's so Dean Winchester 😭

Dean pretends he watched the Eras Tour film on Disney+ just because his sister was watching it and he definitely doesn't put it in his room when he's bored.

Finally, when his sister told him that her friend was sick and couldn't go to the Eras Tour with her, Dean obviously only went to accompany his sister and not because he really wanted to go and he was embarrassed to tell his sister that he wanted to go with her (the friend never really existed, the Winchester sister knows that Dean likes Taylor but she doesn't say anything so as not to make him uncomfortable)

Cas, Sam and Sister Winchester know that Dean likes Taylor but they don't say anything haha

Also I don't know why I feel like Sam likes rap, Sam is the type of person who would know the gossip about Drake and Kendrick and Sister Winchester is the swftie type who knows about Taylor and Joe or that Hayley Biber is pregnant

That's why on the impala you can listen to classic rock, the tortuerd poet deparment or they not like us

What music do you think each of the characters (Dean, Sam, Cas, Sister Winchester) listen to? I feel like Clarie is the type of person who says she doesn't like Taylor and that she's overrated and says, "Do you like Taylor Swift?"

This is literally gold, u love it

Dean would make a playlist of his favorite songs, or, as he’d say to the little sister, “songs that don’t make me want to kill myself” that he lets her play (and of course he’s secretly hoping that she’ll ask to play it)

Sam wouldn’t be a Taylor fan, although I think there would be a few songs (maybe 1989? He’s either a 1989 guy or a folklore/evermore poet boy, can’t decide) that he knows/enjoys when the sister plays them.

I think Cas would either have the most boring (classical) taste in music or the most random mix-up mashup collection of every genre, there’s no in between. Like he either only listens to Beethoven or he listens to anything and everything from Broadway to rock to Taylor Swift to pop etc etc etc… (he wants to get the full human experience. If he gets into Taylor he’s definitely a ttpd fan, maybe folklore and evermore, he enjoys the poetry of the songs)

Claire seems like the type to think Taylor’s overrated, I think you’re right about that.

Jack. Is. The. Biggest. Swiftie. Hands down, no doubt about it. He doesn’t understand the celebrity drama AT ALL, but he’s happy to listen to anyone’s rants and/or descriptions of what the songs mean/who they’re about. He likes all the albums, and the little sister has to tell him any time a new album/a Taylor’s Version drops, because he doesn’t know how to keep up with that stuff, but as soon as anything new drops he and the little sister sit in her room and spend the whole day listening to it. (Ps, he’s a Lover boy) Like Cas, Jack also loves to listen to all genres of music, trying to learn as much about people as he can.

[all-too-unwell-13]

what i think marauders characters would think about taylor swift

(part 2 - includes the emeralds/slytherin skittles + emmeline vance, emma vanity, & amelia bones)

the emeralds:

regulus - he'd love taylor swift!! regulus' favourite albums would be ttpd, midnights & red tv. i don't make the rules (yes i do) 🤷‍♀️ his favourite songs from each album would be 'loml,' 'question...?' and 'treacherous' (which he'd never admit, but it's true)

barty - i can see barty saying he hates taylor just to piss of reg, but if 'king of my heart' came on, he'd vibe and def wouldn't turn it off (he associates it with evan 👀) (wanna unpack why that is, barty?)

evan - loves her. period. his fav album is reputation and his favourite songs are 'gorgeous,' 'don't blame me' & 'delicate' !! (he associates them with barty 😙😙)

pandora - her number one song on spotify wrapped EVERY YEAR, without fail, is 'i hate it here' by taylor. second top song is 'never grow up (taylor's version)'. she's a speak now tv girl!!

dorcas - also pretends to hate taylor, but 'the man' by taylor is on almost all of her "favourite song" playlists so 😋😋 she's a lover girl at heart, but she tells pandora (she's the only one who knows she likes taylor) that her favourite is evermore

the others <3 (what is their group name?):

emmeline vance - genuinely doesn't listen to taylor swift much, but would never hate on her or say anything against her. she just doesn't know much of her music or much about her, so she doesn't judge 🤷‍♀️ will listen to fearless tv with mary if asked though!!

emma vanity - she's a huge swiftie and she's LOUD about it. everyone knows she loves taylor; her favourite album is lover & fav song is 'cruel summer' (emma liked it before it blew up, and she makes sure to add that whenever she tells someone)!! emma is alsooo a huge red tv girl, but more the lover girl side of red, yk?? like she LOVES 'begin again,' 'run,' as well as 'forever winter'

amelia bones - her and emma bond at first bc of their love for taylor and just music in general !! amelia doesn't seem like it, but she's an evermore and, strangely enough, debut type of person. her favourite all-time taylor song is 'a place in this world' !! a close second for her is 'dorothea'

[girllblogging777]

Sorry if someone's already asked this, I'm fairly new to your page but what are some of your favorite Taylor Swift songs or albums or your thoughts in general about each one?

𝑠𝑤𝑖𝑓𝑡𝑖𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑙𝑘 !

↳ honestly i’m so so happy you asked because it gives me an opportunity to talk about taylor’s music so i’m just gonna rant a little bit

my experience as a swiftie :

✩ my first memory of listening to taylor was when i’d watch the shake it off clip with my sister RELIGIOUSLY, even though we were really young at the time

✩ i started listening to her music a little after fearless tv released and became a swiftie during red tv (best era ever imo, i miss streaming atwtmv all day long and romanticising fall)

✩ i had the chance to go to the eras tour back in june, which was the BEST experience of my life. i traveled to london just for the concert and it was so great !

✩ london n2 btw, i feel like we had the worst show of all wembleys and i can’t believe i missed gracie abrams by a day, but i’m still super grateful (i got thank you aimee x mean and castles crumbling)

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

my opinions on her music :

✩ i’m personally more of a fountain pen songs swiftie than a glitter gel pen one, although i love all of her albums and songs (all bops idc)

✩ i have absolutely NO idea how to rank her albums because it changes everyday and based on my mood

✩ in my opinion, taylor’s most “taylor” album is red, which is why i have a particular attachment to it

✩ folklore and evermore are BOTH masterpieces and evermore deserves to get the folklore treatment (dare i say it’s better than folklore ?)

✩ debut is criminally underrated and i can’t wait for people to realise that when taylor’s version is released

✩ ttpd is a perfect album, and probably in my top three of hers (i do like the anthology better than the album in itself)

✩ her only album with NO skips (again that’s my opinion) is reputation….

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

about ME! :

✩ she truly does have a song for every situation, it’s insane

✩ i’m a this is me trying/the archer girl through and through, that’s for sure

✩ as for my favourite songs, i do have a particular attachment to cowboy like me and you are in love (yes i cried when she did a mashup) and my most streamed song of hers is haunted

✩ OKAY WAIT i’m gonna do a little playlist with taylor songs that describe my “romantic life” (you’ll get the lore pretty easily, try to guess what happened)

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

♪ the playlist ♪

“babe”

“my boy only breaks his favorite toys”

“now that we don’t talk”

“betty”

“gold rush”

“better man”

“the 1”

“the smallest man who ever lived”

“peter”

“girl at home”

“down bad”

“right where you left me”

“foolish one”

pretty sure no one is gonna read all that but i had so much fun ! thank you for your question <3

[lovestory]

a few weeks ago i made a big playlist of 2017-2023 taylor music and i was just struck and so incredibly moved by the picture that had been painted of the relationship from that time period. this was the first relationship that taylor was in for so many albums that continued to be released throughout, therefore she felt the need to protect the person from anything that wasn't glowingly positive being said in the music. folklore and evermore allowed her to maintain her honesty and self expression without compromising people's opinions on the person she was with. it's like when people hold back from telling friends and family about low points in their long term relationship, because even if there are issues, they can be worked through and you don't want to permanently alter the way they see your partner. even i once made a post saying that taylor keeps writing about the beginning of her relationship because she's obsessed with it and that i hope she never stops. i thought she wasn't writing about her current mindset because she was so contented that it was almost uneventful and boring. in hindsight, i can see that between 2020 and 2022 on each album there would be a back and forth of songs like tolerate it, coney island, renegade (that i would have attributed to being about characters, made up situations or past relationships in the past) and willow, gold rush, that bounce between mourning someone who is quite apathetic and distanced from her, and the beginning of a relationship that was exciting and full of passion. she was always looking back at the beginning. knowing what it was like back then, how happy she was, how she felt indebted to someone who brought her back to life, that it was worth fighting for. and taylor was so introspective that she looked through every facet of her life, of her past relationships, to try and fix it. “Should I throw out everything we built or keep it” - the crossroads, working through it so intricately on midnights. i love her music so much. i can't imagine loving anyone else's music so much, it is so rich and vibrant. the fact that we can be given a single date in an Instagram post and begin drawing so many lyrical parallels and conclusions just from that is so unique and special.

[fists-on-up]

I started this blog when Twitter looked like it was going down so I could keep up with my gaylor friends. Most of them are still on Twitter, but as a writer I am a wordy motherfucker & I hate character limits. So, rather than let this blog lay dormant I am going to use it for more personal gaylor related things & more abstract/complex perspectives.

I might as well start by explaining how I stumbled upon the gaylor community because I feel like my journey here was much different than most.

I am a little older than Taylor & have mostly listed to rock & EDM my whole life. I don't hate pop, but I don't really seek it out & I don't care much about trends or pop culture. I had heard the most popular Taylor Swift songs in passing. I didn't hate Taylor at all, I just never looked further into her music.

I do vaguely remember feeling like YBWM sounded very much like being in love with your high school best friend who doesn't consider you an option because you're a girl, and as a Shakespeare obsessed lesbian Love Story pinged the ol' gaydar because forbidden love is way more common for queer people. It's not impossible, though, for a girl's family to not approve of a particular boy so I chalked it up to a specific situation she faced coupled with me viewing lyrics through my own (very gay) experiences. Especially given the fact that Romeo & Juliet tends to be referenced often based upon a very surface-level understanding of the story.

These thoughts did stick with me subconsciously, as it turns out. One day I was listening to a Spotify generated playlist I was really digging and Don't Blame Me came on while I was in the shower. I thought "Wow, this is a very sexy, Sapphic song who the hell is this??" I checked when I got out of the shower & was so confused. I LOVED it and listened to it frequently, but it still hadn't clicked completely.

Then I heard only the bridge to Cruel Summer in a TikTok & said "Oh my God, she's gay!" I immediately recognized how painful & difficult it is to play the part of "friends" in public and the sense of doom that comes with realizing you're in love with a girl while closeted. If you've never had that experience, I envy you. How we treat people we're in love with isn't really planned out, it's automatic. Trying to catch that & substitute "friendly" behavior when you don't even know HOW to be her friend is very hard. It's hard to not feel insecure when the woman you love treats you like a friend, too. It's hard to hide the love and the pain if you wear your heart on your sleeve. In short, it's torture. A unique torture you can only really describe or recognize if you've experienced it. I have, and immediately knew Taylor had too.

As soon as this clicked I immediately devoured her entire discography over & over again. For days it was all I did, starting before I got out of bed and ending when I fell asleep with a notepad on my bed listening to evermore (again). I was 100% certain she is queer before I ever Googled "Taylor Swift gay?". I didn't even know there was lore or a community at first.

I didn't just recognize her queerness because I'm queer, however. I recognized it because I'm a writer. Not by profession. By passion, I suppose. And what really made it clear was what Taylor doesn't say.

I realized I was gay when I was 14 years old and when I did I wasn't scared, I was excited. I had come to the conclusion that the entire world was just... faking it. Girls would kiss boys & go on & on about it, almost every song, movie, & book was about love, and I just couldn't relate. I had kissed more than a few boys, but I seriously did not understand. I would pretend to fit in, but it was not at all appealing to me.

Then a friend stayed the night & kissed me. A friend that I wasn't consciously attracted to at all, and yet - fireworks. Suddenly I realized that people weren't exaggerating or lying about attraction & love. I realized that the concept of attraction wasn't merely recognizing that a boy was conventionally attractive, it was attraction like two magnets pulled together. Like gravity. I wasn't broken, the world wasn't a lie, and I was fucking ecstatic about it.

But then I told some close friends and most of them immediately stopped talking to me. Some became hostile. This was around 1999-2000 in Small Town, Texas where there were no out queer people. Looking back I understand that it was just a matter of kids being ignorant and uneducated and, well, kids but at the time it was confusing. I tried to backpedal and told the friends who stayed that I was bisexual. I even tried to be bisexual (spoiler: I am not). The excitement I initially felt quickly turned to fear & I chose to hide it from anyone else.

To cope with the constant overflow of my newly-activated heart and the isolation of having no one who understands, I poured myself into poetry. I started reading Shakespeare at 11 and had read most classical works by the same age. By 14 I had multiple poems published in collections, had read every work of Shakespeare & Poe, and had memorized the Chorus to Romeo & Juliet. Using poetry to cope was kind of my brand. So cope I did.

I wrote thousands of poems. I filled binders & spirals & journals. I was always writing. Most people knew I was published young & knew I was writing like crazy, so it wasn't uncommon for other kids to read what I was working on. Sometimes they'd commission a poem from me.

The fear of anyone finding out (including my parents) meant that I had to be very, very careful with how I worded things. No she/her pronouns. Nothing that would give me away. The occasional red herring. I would be specific enough that the muse would know it was about her, but no one else would.

I almost always wrote to the muse, using "you" more than anything. Poetry is like a love letter, so it comes naturally, but it also prevented the need for gendered pronouns. I wrote that way so much I still default to it now (and I have a hard time NOT pouring my heart out to anyone I care about). I didn't realize it at the time, but my writing was inherently queer coded despite my efforts to conceal it because, well, I'm queer. Sound familiar?

There are simply some things that are upside down when you're queer & you don't even recognize it because you've never NOT been queer. Things you say straight girls wouldn't. Things you don't say that straight girls would. Straight people don't see it because they've never NOT been straight. Hell, queer men won't recognize Sapphic language because they've never been attracted to a woman OR been a woman.

There are subtle, inherent tells separate from intentional tells or flags. I didn't realize that, and neither did the kids (or adults) who read my work semi-regularly.

One day my close friend borrowed my poetry journal to catch up on what I had written. This was an especially vulnerable journal, but it was just as obfuscated as everything else. I thought nothing of it and went about my day.

Hours later, during lunch, I was outside probably bumming a cigarette off of an equally punkass kid or smoking a bit of weed from a pipe crafted out of a soda can when I heard a girl shouting my name. I left the hidden corner and walked to the main area to see a girl I didn't know walking around, calling my name loudly over and over. I called back to her, confused but glad it wasn't a teacher busting me smoking.

When we were finally face to face she confirmed that I am in fact me & I realized that she was holding my journal. She pulled me to a more secluded area, looked me in my eyes, and said "these are about girls, right?"

Fuck.

Shit.

Fuck shit.

I was a sophomore. 15 years old. She was a senior. A beautiful black girl named Lovely who I only knew of because it was a small school. And here she was just... straight up asking me. No one had ever asked me before. I had never had to answer this question before. I was caught off guard & wholly unprepared for this.

The closet is an awful place when you hate lying.

So, I didn't lie. For some reason I looked right into this girl's eyes and reluctantly, fearfully, said "Yes." Then I held my breath.

But she didn't laugh at me, didn't call me a dyke, didn't preach at me. She just... fucking cried.

This lovely girl named Lovely completely broke down in front of me, a complete stranger, and I did not realize what was happening.

Turns out Lovely wasn't just lovely, she was queer. And scared. And so, so lonely. She thought she was the only one, until she heard what my poetry didn't say. She recognized the inherent queerness in my writing because she identified with it and immediately came to find me.

I consider that conversation to be one of the most pivotal, defining interactions of my life. The entire time I thought I was alone & Lovely was there. Lovely thought she was alone & I was there, and I suddenly realized coming out wasn't really about me. It wasn't about the friends and family who would reject me. It was also about being visible. Being brave. Being proud. It was about the other queer kids who thought they were the only one. The other kids who couldn't come out. With this realization, from this conversation, I found purpose.

The very next day, Lovely came to school in baggy jeans and a basketball jersey - a huge departure from the very feminine presentation she always had. We never talked about it again, just exchanged fond smiles and nods in the hallway, but she came out to some extent. I came out within a week of our conversation, and I made a conscious decision that I was going to be loud about it.

My mom was great when I came out & I knew she'd have my back. Before the word "privilege" was commonplace, I at least understood that my supportive mom gave me an advantage others didn't have. I felt like I had not only the ability but the responsibility to be visible and unapologetic.

I was a rebellious little shit. I would make out with girls in the hallway. I lined the inside of my locker with Playboy pictures. I wrote "gay" on my forehead in hot pink lipstick when I got sick of being asked if I was "fully gay".

As a result, the varsity quarterback would call me in tears to talk through his struggles with his sexuality. I knew the most popular boys all of the girls wanted were actually very in love with each other. Girls who would laugh along with their friends who called me a dyke would hook their fingers into mine when they passed me in the hallway & pull me into dark rooms at parties when no one was looking.

I became the keeper of secrets. Society makes queer people lie & uses the guilt of that "deception" to keep people closeted. We lie to ourselves, then to everyone else, then to all but a few trusted people, then even when we're out we lie on behalf of others. I still hold secrets, even for those who don't "deserve" my loyalty. It's part of it, like an unspoken code. Closeting is lying, whether we like that or not. But lying is morally neutral. Intent & impact matter.

That time of my life was hard. Teachers would treat me differently. One flat out told me I would go to hell in front of the class. Another refused to intervene when my girlfriend was physically attacked by another girl who was pissed about her dating me. The school tried, for a time, to force me to use the boys locker room so other girls wouldn't feel uncomfortable. The school tried to ban me from taking a girl to prom (even though I was taking a friend, my girlfriend's family wouldn't allow her to go with me). A group of boys chanted "1, 2, 3, 4, death to the lesbian whore" when I got to school every morning. I got in a lot of fist fights. Mostly with that group of boys. Someone broke into my locker and wrote "dyke" all over & inside of my text books in huge magic marker. I remember telling one of my teachers I couldn't read part of an assignment because of it & trying not to cry. I was preached at constantly by kids & a few teachers who saw me as an opportunity to "save a soul". I have a lot of stories.

But you know what? I got the teacher that told me I would go to hell fired. I fought back when they tried to make me use the boys locker room. When they tried to ban me from prom, I printed hundreds of pages of court rulings from cases in which schools tried to do that to other gay kids, stormed into the principal's office, dropped it on her desk and threatened her. I went to prom with my friend. And after I had graduated, my high school girlfriend (who was a grade below me) finally got to take me to hers. A gay boy I'd never met won prom king and he thanked me for it. I didn't even know him, but he knew me. I won every single fist fight. I didn't cry about the slurs written in my books in front of people & I protested when they washed it off of the front of my locker. I wanted it to be the dyke locker. I took everything they gave me with a smile & asked for more, because it showed other kids it was possible. I made myself a lightning rod for hate on purpose, because then the "less problematic" queer kids were seen in a better light. It protected them. It also made sure they knew I was there. And they came to me & I did my best to help. I chased girls & have so many stories about drunken hookups and falling in love. Wild nights & happy days.

Don't get me wrong, I fucked up plenty too. I certainly wasn't a hero, and I put myself in very real danger multiple times. There were a lot of failures & mistakes. There was a lot of pain. But it was absolutely, positively fucking worth it. Despite it all I look back on that time fondly & I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. And I'd do it the same.

That time of my life shaped who I am in every way. I'm still that punkass kid (even though I'm pushing 40 now). Still a fighter who doesn't care how much pain I endure if I'm doing the right thing. And I never would have become that person if a girl named Lovely hadn't picked up on the queer themes in my writing that I wasn't even intentionally adding. So for me, it's kind of serendipitous that the very thing that led me to becoming everything I am today is the thing that I saw & heard in Taylor. That led me to so much beautiful art, beautiful love stories, and beautiful people in the gaylor community that is so, so dear to me now.

It takes one to know one, but sometimes knowing one puts you on the path to knowing yourself.