#a pearl mitski

[letz-smoke-zaza]

⋆˚ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆ my twitter account

I don’t know who tweeted this, but she must be a genius.

[sweetnnaivete]

song of all time

[mentallyilllittleguy]

TW - Ghost trauma (mental health issues, abuse, references to SA) and symbolic NSFW (not explicit)

'A Pearl' by Mitski, told through Ghost and his relationships. (Please note: some repeated lines are omitted for the sake of comprehension and brevity.)

You're growing tired of me

You love me so hard and I still can't sleep

Ghost looks down at Soap. The man is laying on his chest, fast asleep.

An unsettled feeling grows in his stomach. It's two a.m., meaning he should be asleep too, but... he just can't seem to find it in himself.

He's turning those words over in his head, again and again and again:

"I love you, Simon. Even if you're a dead man."

Dammit, that accent made him weak in the knees. It makes his head spin, like he's going to vomit. Sick, like a punch to the gut. He heard those first three words from his mother... once. His brother, a few times, back when he was tiny and ham-fisted. No one had said it since.

You're growing tired of me

And all the things I don't talk about

Roach's eyes, when not covered by a pair of sunglasses, are a soft, chocolate colour. They match his warm brown skin perfectly.

"Ya don't have to tell me, Si," he says, his fluttering lashes and crinkled nose the perfect portrayal of the sadness he reflects from Ghost. "I mean, fuck, I'm glad you even told me what ya did."

Ghost shakes his head, his eyes burning. It's not good enough, but he can't cry now.

"Simon." Roach has cupped Ghost's cheek in his hand. "It's alright, darl'." His Australian drawl is soothing, his touch warm enough to feel as though it's sinking into Ghost's bones.

"I'm sorry," Ghost rasps. His throat is closing up and he knows he's going non-verbal. He quickly signs, "Space."

Roach nods. "That's alright, sweet'eart. You've got nothing to be sorry for, but I understand why you feel like you need to apologise."

He blows a kiss to Ghost and leaves the room, shutting the door gently behind him.

Sorry, I don't want your touch

It's not that I don't want you

Sorry, I can't take your touch

"Ghost?" Soap says, slowly approaching.

The screams keep echoing around Ghost's head. There's pain all over his body, that hook sunk deep in his stomach. He remembers what it was like to have those people touch him, grab him and use his body in the most sadistic ways possible.

"Ghost," Soap says. He kneels down next to Ghost and touches his arm.

Ghost flinches away.

"What's wrong?" Soap asks.

Shaking his head, Ghost reaches out to push Soap away. His throat is full of words and sounds and feelings and they're all clogged up. The push falls short, and Soap creeps closer.

"Ghost, can you tell me five things you can see?"

Still too far away to push, Soap lingers. His fingers are splayed out, hand outstretched as though he wants to touch Ghost. Ghost starts thinking about the texture of skin and the heat of it and the goosebumps it will cause on his own skin and the idea of those sensory things makes him want to throw up, makes him want to rip his skin off, makes him want to scream until his throat begins to bleed.

Soap inches closer and Ghost starts to scream, banging his hands on the floor. It's all too much. Everything is too much. He can feel everything and hear it and see it and smell it and taste it and its crammed inside his skull and he is going to die.

He screams and screams and screams... and when he finally feels like the energy and itch of his body is dispelled, he sees that his fists are dripping with blood, the floor beside him spattered in it.

What he notices next is that Soap is nowhere to be seen. That feels like a stab to the heart. He wonders why he pushes Soap away every single time. And yes, he was having a sensory meltdown but fuck, why can't his brain just let him have one good thing to comfort him? Just one would do.

It's just that I fell in love with a war

Nobody told me it ended

And it left a pearl in my head

And I roll it around every night

Just to watch it glow

Every night baby that's where I go

"You're always there, aren't you?" Roach asks.

Ghost looks up at him, startled. The thoughts that clink around in his head become quieter.

"What do you mean?"

With a sad smile, Roach comes to sit in front of him. They're both cross-legged on the bed they share - small, cold figures of the night. The moonlight from outside reveals the rhythm of Roach's lips as he speaks.

"You're always stuck in all those places where something horrific happened. I can see it. There's this... emptiness." Gentle as ever, Roach's hand cups his cheek. "If you ever need me, take me with you. I love you."

"I love you too," Ghost says. He kisses Roach's palm.

There's a hole that you fill

You fill

You fill

With Soap behind him, inside him, and Roach's hands touching every centimetre of his skin... he feels so whole.

Soap is buried so deeply inside him that he simply feels full, the gnawing ache of the cold in his gut finally sated by the blaze of heat that is Soap's pure and utter adoration for him. Warmth curls around his neck with his huff of Soap's breath, revelling in how tightly those calloused hands hold his hips, rejoicing at the force with which Soap shows his love.

Roach's hands are all over him, palming at his chest and stomach, rolling the muscles and savouring them. His lips work against Ghost's like a lifeline, as if any kind of part between them could bring about their death. He's soft under Ghost's touch, malleable and kind, his breath softly fanning over Ghost's face, wisping through his hair.

Every touch, every breath... it's filling. It fills his heart in a way that can't be described. He allows himself to drift into the tide of warmth, lost to the rhythm of his own heart beating, floating on that high of euphoria.

It's just that I fell in love with a war

Nobody told me it ended

And it left a pearl in my head

And I roll it around every night

Just to watch it glow

Every night baby that's where I go

Just to watch it glow

The more Ghost thinks about it and the more he discusses his past with Soap and Roach, the more he begins to think that a pearl has formed inside his skull. It's something that has taken years to form, created through pressure and duress, hidden inside him until he can be prised open. That opening would reveal soft, vulnerable tissue, nestling a creamy white pearl in its dip. A pearl that is beautiful, yet eerily so. Maybe one day, Soap and Roach will be able to open him up and behold the pearl. Until then, Ghost lets it roll around his skull, smiling and watching it glow.

[keter-class-anomaly]

Can A Pearl by Mitski be the captain’s official song please. It’s perfect

[pearlescentmoon-enjoyers]

Ms. Pearlescentmoon and her eight dogchildren

[yomudkipo]

Candy-colored misery

The color of your mind

Orufrey Week Day 2: Song 💛

Lemon Glow is an Orufrey song you guys gotta trust me on this

[meownhi]

and it left a pearl in my head. ("a pearl" by mitski)

[vannilac0ke]

Oops ♡˖꒰ᵕ༚ᵕ⑅꒱

[rottenswan]

where are my all lonely girlies at

[strawberrycowtime]

started thinking abt the kind of music they would listen to. thought abt it for to long. bon appetite 👍

[luxevamp]

mitski lyrics and faceless self portraits this can’t be good

[wishchip106]

guhh i’m experiencing readers block ☹️

i just wanna read fanfics but i don’t have the energy

[the-she-butterfly]

[xoxotsarevna]

i'm so cooool

[i-suc-at-art]

Ummm.. I really love this fic

*hands @basilf1res this gently*

Any ways go read project “GH05T” it’s really good :)

[coquetteswan]