#a lot of the time sirius was selfish. even with harry

[lilithofpenandbook]

Sirius Black is proof that love doesn't make someone selfless, Severus Snape is proof that hate doesn't make someone selfish

[strangesthirdeye]

I'M HIS- {SEVERUS SNAPE X WIFE! READER}

Summary: When cat is finally out of the bag Warning: IT'S SEVERUS SNAPE! WE'RE ALL LOVE HIM! Fluff, low angst, gentle, wounds, blood, not so major injuries, Order of the Phoenix, mentioned of kill, Death Eater, swearing, LOVELY man, OOC Severus Snape? Fluff, love, marriage, As usual, I'm sorry if there are any wrong sentences or typos or grammatical mistakes, please forgive me and again English is not my first language, so I try to improve my language and writing in this way.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"The Death Eater is getting more violent"

"They just want to show that they are back.. The Dark Lord is back" Said Sirius, hands crossed in front of him. He looked at Remus.

"And yet they are trying to bring back some old Death Eaters and recruiting some new Death Eaters." Remus muttered.

"The Dark Lord wants to make sure that they will win the war this time. They want the power to conquer the whole Wizarding World" Said Sirius.

Severus remained silent as he had nothing to say in this matter. He knows that they are outnumbered regarding how many Death Eaters there are. Although Severus was only a spy on both sides, that didn't mean he didn't have split feelings. Concerned and nervous.  But despite all those feelings, he managed to masked them all.

"Despite all that, Sirius. We can't let Harry join The Order. He's still a child" Said Remus to Sirius. He knows what Sirius is thinking regarding he has known Sirius for a long time.

"But we can't just let him be left behind. He needs to know everything. He's been through a lot before why can't we just let him join the Order if that's what he wants" Sirius reasoned.

"He's not your son, Sirius" Molly replied as she stared at Sirius intently.

"He's good to be one." Sirius insisted.

"Harry is not James" Molly stated.

Severus scoffed at the name of James Potter. His old arch enemy. He despises that man with all his life. His old bully that he will never forgive. It might sound selfish but that's the truth. He hates him just like he hates that Potter's son. Harry reminds Severus about James and he hates that his old bitter memories are opened whenever he sees Harry's face.

"He's good. Can't you see his spirit?" Sirius replied.

"Even if we see his spirit, Sirius. That doesn't mean he can join the Order. He's still a child. Who else has he got?" Remus muttered firmly, hands clasped on the table as he stared at Sirius in front of him.

"He's got me. He's already like my son" Sirius replied.

"How sentimental that is, Black. It makes me want to puke" Severus said sarcastically.

"Stay out of this, Snivellius" Sirius glared at him. "Mind your own business"

Severus rolled his eyes at him. With insults thrown at him, Severus tended to ignore them as usual. He has been used to the insults thrown at him since school, which he dealt with by ignoring it. He has been called many names and been called many things that shouldn't be even though he has been through many things that shouldn't be.

But sometimes there are times when he starts to fight back but it ends up hurting him. Throughout his school years at Hogwarts, for him is a place that can be called home and hell. Why? first it is called home is because he can distance himself from his abusive father and why he calls it hell is with all these bullying he went through while he was at Hogwarts.

But some things never change. He still goes through that phase even as an adult. Severus just remained silent at the table. Silently hoping that this meeting ends early. He doesn't want to be here but Dumbledore insisted him to join the meeting.

"Bastard" Severus silently cursed as he fidgeted his fingers under the table.

As the whole Order of the Phoenix was bickering, suddenly out of nowhere a loud crack appeared in front of the door 12 Grimmauld Place making everyone silent. They looked at each other in alarm before they rushed to the front door.

It is quite impossible for people to apparate into 12 Grimmauld place easily because they have put some spells to prevent people from apparating or entering at will. Hearing that familiar sound made them rush to the front door.

Severus was not far behind. What they found was a middle-aged woman, dressed in a black robe from top to bottom, her combat boots dirty with fresh mud, her clothes dirty with mud and moss while her face was hidden by her hood. The woman seemed to be leaning heavily on the wall. Her chest fell and rose to draw in and exhale her gasping breath as she groaned with fatigue and pain. The woman looked up to them weakly.

She then smiled genuinely. The Order of The Phoenix members who had drawn their wands on the woman frowned in confusion. Molly looked at her with concern.

The woman opened her mouth. "I believe Dumbledore said that Severus Snape is here" the woman weakly said.

Severus frowned as he walked past them to see the mysterious woman. The woman, upon seeing Severus in her line of sight, smiled weakly at him.

"They got me" The woman said. A sense of sorrow in her voice as she began to lose consciousness.

Severus widened his eyes upon hearing that as he suddenly bolted towards the woman who was almost sliding to the ground and managed to catch her from stomping to the ground.

Severus held up her head in his hands, one hand opened the woman's hood and revealed the woman's face to the other members of the Order of Phoenix.

They frowned with a hint of unfamiliarity at the woman. Her face is full of bruises and cuts that are still covered in blood. They slowly lowered their wands when they sensed that this woman was not harmed.

Severus whispered her name under his breath, trying to wake her up but she didn't respond. When Severus tried to adjust his hold on the woman, he then noticed that the shoulders of the woman's robes were wet. His hand supported her head while the other tapped her cheek to wake her up and started to touch the woman's shoulder carefully.

He pulled his hand that was holding her shoulder. There were blood stains on his palm. He furrowed his eyebrow with worry before he picked up the woman in a bridal style and walked past the other members who were watching the scene suspiciously.

"Snape wh-"

"don't get involved in this, Black" Severus hissed.

"who is she? How does she know about this place?" Remus asked.

Severus ignored them as he took the woman in his arms to one of the rooms in 12 Grimmauld place. Hearing some noises from downstairs, Harry, Hermione, Ron and the others who were hanging out in one of the rooms upstairs started to go out to see the source of the noise.

They all had confused expressions when they heard the bickering between the adults there. But then their expressions changed as Severus walked in front of them to enter one of the rooms in Grimmauld place. They never saw their Pofessor whom they despised go upstairs as long as he attended the Order of The Pheonix meeting let alone using one of the rooms here.

Harry noticed his godfather behind Severus who was still asking questions about the unconscious woman but then Sirius was silent when Severus shut the door in his face. Sirius turned the doorknob a few times knowing that the door had been locked by Severus. He scoffed before he turned his gaze to another place but then his eyes caught his godson's gaze.

Harry raised his eyebrows as if asking a question which Sirius pursed his lips and shook his head.

"You should all be in bed. It's late" Sirius muttered as he strode down to the downstairs.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Severus Kneeled beside the unconscious woman's bed. His eyebrows furrowed with concentration as he washed several wounds and cuts on the woman's face with a wet cloth to prevent infection. The woman's shirt was flipped aside for Severus to treat the wound on the woman's shoulder easily. He then put the wet cloth into a container filled with water before reaching for some potion bottles that he had brought incase something like this happened between The Order of the Phoenix.

Severus then applied the ointment he made on the woman's cuts and wounds, especially on the woman's shoulder. The woman was still unconscious which made Severus slightly worried. He then looked towards the woman's hand. His eyes seemed focused on the ring finger. There resides a simple silver ring on the woman's finger. Severus narrowed his eyes.

The same ring he was wearing. Severus diverted his gaze on the woman's face which was clean of blood. He moved closer to her then moved the strands of hair from the woman's face gently. Severus sighed lowly as he sat back against the wall beside the bed. Waiting for this mysterious woman to wake up. His hand held the woman's hand, thumb rubbed the back of the woman's hand tenderly.

As he seems to zoned out, he didn't notice the woman's eyebrows twitched indicating that the woman had begun to regain consciousness. The woman turned her head weakly as she let out a soft breath. Pain is still felt in her body. Eyes still closing but she is still aware of the warmth in her hands. Severus turned his attention from space to the woman alarmingly.

"Sev-"

"shh" Severus shushed her as he stroked the woman's face softly.

The woman sighed. "They got me"

"I know.." Severus replied.

"They know I'm a double agent"

Severus remained silent. His hand still stroking the woman's face as the woman finally opened her eyes and looked at Severus.

"I failed the mission" She whimpered.

"no, you're not, Y/n" Severus moved his body to take the woman into his arms.

"Voldemort knows that I work for Dumbledore. He knows that I am loyal to Dumbledore and not him." You paused to swallow. "He said that in the end I will betray him. Severus.. He's been suspecting me all this time. He knows. I'm scared that he will come to you too" you whimpered into his chest.

Hearing Voldemort's name made Severus' spine shiver. He remained silent as he kept embracing you.

"Don't worry about me, Love. I know what I should do." Severus assured.

You are still hugging his body. Face looked up looking at Severus' face with cheeks wet with tears. Your eyes are red from crying.

"But I'm scared Severus, that he will suspect you too. He knows that we-"

"I know.. " Severus said lowly as he stroked your hair gently. "I'll make sure he doesn't suspect anything about me"

You just nodded as you hugged his torso tightly as if your life depended on him. Severus didn't care about how tightly you hugged him but instead he hugged you tightly too. He put his chin on top of your head as he rubbed your back reassuringly.

After a few minutes of embracing each other, you both finally parted away. You bow your head as you sniffles. Severus looked at you with concern before he took your face to look at him. He palmed your cheeks, thumbs wiping away the tears that wet your cheeks.

"You're going to be okay. He won't do anything to you as long as I'm with you" Severus whispered as he kissed your forehead. "you're safe here"

"I'm sorry if I suddenly apparated here. Dumbledore gave me the address of this place because he said you would be here with the Order" You muttered. "They must be surprised to see people they don't know suddenly appear"

"nonsense. That's not what you need to worry about." Severus replied. "Besides they must be wondering who are you to me"

"They will definitely be surprised upon hearing what we are to each other" You said, smiling fondly.

"Obviously" Severus muttered. "Are you okay now?" Severus added.

You hummed as you rested your head on his chest. "I'm fine as long as you're by my side"

Severus faintly smiled at that as he kissed your crown of hair. "Good, now we have to explain to them about the outburst earlier"

You huffed. "Is it necessary?"

"Yes" Severus replied.

You sighed before nodding in agreement.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"So what you said is that she is your... Wife?" Arthur mumbled in disbelief. Eyes looked at you and Severus.

Severus hummed as he kept himself close to your side as a way to support you to stand. You glanced at him gratefully before diverting your gaze to Arthur.

"We have a reason to hide this. But we can't hide this for long, can we?" you replied.

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Can't believe that Snivellius got this beautiful woman"

"and you don't? " You furrowed your eyebrows as Severus glared at him, lips faintly smirked at your statement.

Remus sent his warning look at Sirius. "We don't need to inflame the situation, Sirius"

"What? It's true. Don't tell me you're on his side" Sirius crossed his arms.

"I'm not on anyone's side" Remus said firmly.

"She's a Death Eater! We can't trust her" Sirius snapped.

"She's a double agent just like Snape" Remus replied.

"Gentlemen, please... Take this matter seriously. We don't need any arguments here." Arthur interjected as he glared at the two men. He sighed. Molly looked at him with concern as she rubbed her hand on her husband's shoulder.

"Look. What Severus did about keeping his relationship a secret was a reasonable thing due to the situation we're going through right now... Yes, she is a double agent. Dumbledore himself gave her and Severus that qualification. I understand these days no one can be trusted but for once, please investigate it first. Like Severus explained earlier, his wife is a double agent of the Order of the Phoenix and a Death Eater. But that doesn't mean she is loyal to the Death Eater as she herself wants to bring down the Death Eater. She's been through a lot in risking her life in that position. Same goes too Severus but that doesn't mean you all can act like that towards her. Snape has a reason to hide his relationship from everyone because everyone will know that is his weak point. They don't want to risk their loved ones, neither do we, but here we are in the same situation as them. Risking the lives of our loved ones. You just can't be so quick to judge someone easily. They're human too" Arthur shook his head.

All the members there were silent with what Arthur said. There's a truth in what he said, never judge someone easily and don't easily accuse someone based on background.

Sirius sighed in defeat. "Fine.. Sorry about that, Snape's wife"

Severus rolled his eyes at that. You sighed.

You nodded. " And the name Y/n Snape actually." you crossed your arms over your chest.

"Sirius Black, though you knew who am i" Sirius said, leaning against the walls behind him with hands crossing over his chest.

"My husband's bully" you stated coldly.

Sirius and Remus were silent. Severus' lips twitched in a faint smile. Only you can make someone question themselves on the spot. Making them speechless.

"I believe we have both explained everything to you. I'm afraid I need to take my wife home to get enough rest. She's been through a lot. Farewell" Severus took your hand and slowly led you out of Grimmauld Place to apparated.

As soon as the two of you left the place, you took a breath of fresh air that night. A cold temperature slapped your skins, you brought your body closer to Severus for warmth. Severus put his hand on your uninjured shoulder.

"Are you okay?" Severus asked in concerned.

You nodded. "Brilliant. Those men really make me tired. Mentally." you said in amusement. "Though it was quite satisfying to silence Sirius Black"

Severus faintly smirked. "He deserves what he asked for" Severus murmured.

"And I won't let it slide easily" You added.

Severus brought your body closer to his. "Thank you.. For being with me"

You smiled genuinely at him as you side hugged him. "Always"

[seriousbrat]

this says a lot about Snape's character development for me. There are many parallels drawn throughout the series between Harry and Snape; obviously, they're very different characters but there are similarities too.

I think here Snape is talking about himself. The teenaged Snape we see in the Pensieve is very much like this- emotional, heart on his sleeve, easily provoked, a definite wallower in sad memories... weak. Adult Snape, though he retains some of these characteristics that do emerge in stressful moments (in PoA we see how angrily he reacts to Sirius's escape, for instance) on the whole is a great deal more thoughtful, reserved, calculating, measured.

I think that Snape at some point had to force himself to become this. I think he actually relates to Harry here, and is giving him advice based on personal experience. In my fic he begins to learn to control his emotions partially out of a desire to protect Lily; he's fully aware that she's his weakness (or really, his strength, viewed a different way) and that openly displaying any sort of emotion towards her at all makes her vulnerable to the likes of Avery and Mulciber, who will have the perfect weapon to get to him if they want to.

Severus doesn't have the advantages of his peers, he's not pureblood, he wasn't born into money. If he wants to join the Death Eaters and rise in their ranks, he needs to be subtle, cunning, careful. he can't afford to be careless and entitled like mulciber or bellatrix or even sirius. what he's got to offer isn't his name or his money, it's his sheer talent and cleverness. moving on:

When Voldemort decides to go after Lily this becomes even more important. Imo the reason why Voldemort believes that Snape only "desired" Lily is because that's what Snape told him. He lied to Voldemort's face and told him something probably disgusting tbh because that's the only way Voldemort would accept it and agree, if it was a selfish, callous request that Voldemort could understand. We can see evidence of this here:

Asking Voldemort to spare a mudblood because he was in love with her would likely not have gone over well- and as we know, Voldemort actually bore his request in mind, though obv didn't give enough of a fuck about Snape to follow through. Because although asking voldemort to spare her must have taken serious balls, Snape's mistake here was trusting someone inherently selfish to do something selfless for him.

Clearly he immediately realises this and goes to Dumbledore, which is when controlling his emotions becomes of paramount importance, because now he's working against perhaps the most highly accomplished legilimens of all time.

It's also interesting to me that Snape in this conversation is probably the character who is most forthright and informative with Harry in the whole of OotP until Dumbledore at the end; Harry actually learns a lot in this conversation. And Snape also kind of gives him credit which is interesting too:

like for Snape that's high praise lmao. A shame because if he wasn't so bitter (i.e. didn't wear his heart on his sleeve so much around harry) then he might have actually been pretty helpful to Harry and a decent teacher. Again, during the Occlumency lessons his unrestrained emotion brought up by memories of James is a hindrance. He defies Dumbledore's orders to teach Harry Occlumency because of his emotional response to SWM, as well as honestly doing kind of a shit job before that (by not being empathetic and teaching Harry in a way that would've been actually productive.)

At this point Dumbledore believes that Harry learning Occlumency and controlling his emotions is of vital importance; he turns out to be wrong about this. In Harry's case, it turns out to be his emotional nature that saves him- unlike Snape, who is the opposite. Snape's journey is about learning that some things are more important than his selfish need to give into his own emotions.

By DH Snape's learned this lesson fully; his old hatred for James doesn't stop him from doing what has to be done, from giving Harry the tools he needs. Even in the final moments of his life, he can look past James and see Lily in Harry- and, by giving Harry the information that leads to his self-sacrifice, he can let her go.

[acertifiedwitch]

I feel like people just took severus personality and gave it regulus

This one is interesting, because I can see why people think that even though it is essentially not true exactly! Their characters build up on very similar foundation which (obviously) makes them have similar traits. Among those are:

- betraying Voldemort for someone they love (Kreacher for Reggie and Lily for Snape)

-> therefore betraying a cause they once believed in and changing their worldview because their eyes were opened due to their loved ones getting hurt

- Growing up in an abusive household making them shut off the rest of the world / causing them to grow up in prejudice (Pureblood Racists for Reg and an abusive Muggle father for Snape)

- Loosing the only person they had that wasn’t morally screwed over (Sirius for Reg and Lily for Snape) due to their own actions which they have done because of self preservation and in the process self destructing

- They are both extremely loyal to the people that matter to them

These events have shaped these characters individually in different yet similar ways. But they are fundamentally very different characters with different flaws and strength.

- Snape for example is a selfish character (based on all canon)

-> he acts out against Voldemort, not to stop him, but to save Lily and Lily alone, because he’s in love with her. In fact he explicitly states that he would be 100% fine with Harry and James dying if that meant Lily would be save

-> he bullies Harry due to his resentment for James even though he swore to protect him (I know he went after Quirrell that doesn’t justify his bullying)

-> he acts selfish towards his house Slytherin and puts them above Gryffindors at all times which is just unfair simply because the people that antagonized him 20 YEARS ago were in that house (and I’m a Slytherin myself so)

-> while he is loyal to Dumbledore he does a lot of thinks simply for self preservation (I could make a list but I’m lazy rn lmao)

One the other hand Regulus is the opposite

He is a people pleaser and would always put the people he loves first (based on non-fandom information we have about him)

-> He does everything to please his parents so that they are happy

-> he joins all possible extracurriculars to please teachers

-> he joins Voldemort because („he was to soft“ - Sirius ) he was soft and gave in easily to please the people around him (-> his cousins and parents as well as class mates all joined the same cause therefore he wanted to please them)

-> he betrays Voldemort because his family (Kreacher) was threatened and he wanted to take Voldemort down for that (unlike Snape)

-> he didn’t tell ANYBODY about his sacrifice and the information he had to protect his family (he didn’t want them to die knowing that he betrayed their cause and keep them save with them not knowing) he didn’t even tell SIRIUS as to not endanger him

He hardly acts out of personal motivation which is a great part of that character.

I am NOT saying both of them don’t break that scheme - on the contrary. Both Snape and Regulus have done things that don’t fit it, but almost all of the time they do.

Another part about them is that they are both geniuses - BUT I’m different areas:

Snape in Potions and Spell Making (Halfblood Prince)

And Regulus in Quidditch and Dark Arts because it is not to be undervalued that he found out the Horcrux information in MONTHS for which even DUMBLEDORE took YEARS.

=> No people have NOT „given Snapes personality to Regulus“ instead the two are just very similar characters, they may have been good friends even who knows

Also this is based on canonical information and not the fandom versions of both Snape and Regulus which are hardly similar AT ALL and just simply different characters but that would take veeeery long to talk about. Everyone who knows their fanon versions even a little probably knows already either way.

(Side Note: Also Canonically Snape was a Loser and Regulus was a Jock lmao)

[engie-ivy]

Short Wolfstar Angst

Warning: Major Character Death

Many people came.

Dumbledore is there, though instead of the usual glint, there's a heaviness in his eyes. He's still showing the marks of his Final Battle with Lord Voldemort, and he's getting looks from all around the hall. He's sitting next to professor McGonagall. Remus knows they all had to grow up fast, but it is only now that he notices also professor McGonagall has aged much throughout this.

Edgar is there, sitting next to his sister. It means a lot that he's there. After being held in captivity by the Death Eaters for weeks, he's still afraid to be in public places, still afraid to even leave the house. Amelia is constantly squeezing his hand, trying to ground him.

Marlene is there. Remus knows the Healers at St Mungo’s were reluctant to let her leave, but try saying no to Marlene McKinnon when she's got something in her head.

There are many people there. The hall is packed. Some of the people who greet Remus, he only vaguely recognizes. People they went to school with? People they've seen at work? Maybe even people they've saved on a rescue mission.

Minister for Magic Millicent Bagnold takes the stage, her voice magically amplified as she speaks. "As Sirius Black battled the Death Eaters, he knew he was outnumbered, he knew he could not hold out for long, he knew it was a losing battle.

He knew.

And he could have disapparated at any time, could easily have fled. But he stayed. He stayed and he fought. He fought so that more Muggles could be evacuated, more people could be brought to a secure place, more lives could be saved.

Thanks to Sirius Black, children were reunited with their parents, families were not torn apart, and people today still have future."

The silence that follows is interrupted by little Harry throwing his hands up in the air and loudly squealing "Uuuupaaaafoooo!"

The hall dissolves into laughter, and the heaviness of the moment dissipates.

James smiles down fondly at his son sitting in his lap, and Lily reaches out to ruffle the little boy's hair.

From the stage, Minister Bagnold also smiles at Harry. "And I fully agree with that, young mister Potter." She looks around the hall. "It is therefore, with great honour and pride, that I have the privilege to present Sirius Orion Black, for his acts of outstanding bravery, with the highest distinction known in the Wizarding World; The Order of Merlin First Class."

The hall bursts out in applaus, and everyone who's able to gets up to their feet, clapping for Sirius as hard as they can.

Remus is drinking his second mug of coffee. He made too much for one person again.

He still always makes too much.

He studies the medal placed in front of him. Beautiful, shining, made out of solid gold, a green ribbon attached to indicate its class.

The first Order of Merlin to have ever been awarded posthumously.

"I'm proud of you, Pads," Remus says softly. He closes his eyes for a moment, forcing himself to slowly inhale and then exhale.

It still gets so bloody hard to breath sometimes.

He opens his eyes again. "But am I terribly selfish for wishing you hadn't done it?"

[princeblack]

it's the second quidditch match of the year for slytherin and it's against hufflepuff, which should ease his mind since he at least gets to see one of his best friends, but he still finds himself on edge. things have been difficult recently, between trying to stay on top of his usual academics while also trying to hide his correspondences with sirius from both his parents and the other death eaters. sirius was outside of europe and in hiding, but sending notes when he could, each time from a different bird and with a new fake name scribbled at the bottom in his now familiar handwriting.

sirius occupies a lot of his thoughts lately, right next to what lord voldemort's been doing and then bee diggory. he's plagued with nightmares a lot of the time, scenarios ranging between the ministry finding sirius to the death eaters realizing that regulus is switching sides. most of his dreams end in death for either him or someone he loves... especially bee.

she's been his main source of happiness for a long time now, ever since she wrote him the letter at the start of last year saying she didn't think his brother was a murderer or that he and his family were evil. she told him to ignore people like justin finch-fletchley, even complimenting regulus and trying to make friends, to which he immediately accepted.

he had a crush on bee even before this, admiring her for her beauty from a distance and even trying to distract himself from it in second year when he dated daphne greengrass. it hadn't lasted long, mostly because it didn't seem to work and regulus never felt anything he should for daphne. she was the type of girl his parents would want him to date, but it felt wrong continuing the relationship when he didn't like her like she liked him. especially when he started to realize that he didn't necessarily want what his parents wanted for him.

in contrast, his relationship with bee only seemed to blossom after the note, the two of them hanging out in class and outside of it, becoming friends and subsequently worsening his crush on her again. they're happy together, even if he's not sure if she likes him like that. it's one of the only things in his life he feels is going right and that makes him happy, but the worst part is knowing he'll most likely lose her when she finds out the truth about him. and even worse, there are the nightmares that lord voldemort will hurt her when he finds out about regulus switching sides. the dark lord shouldn't care about something petty like that, but something regulus is learning is that tom is angry and vengeful, and if he knew for any reason that regulus loved bee, he would certainly hurt her.

the thought plagues his nightmares along with all of the other ones, usually involving an alternate outcome of the night voldemort had sent kreacher to test one of his horcrux defenses, but this time it resulted in the house elf actually being killed instead of injured within an inch of his life. that night sticks with regulus, making him so angry that his nails dig into his palms. that black void of hatred only grew when voldemort ordered barty to kill an innocent who had stumbled upon one of their meetings and he had actually done it.

all of regulus's notions about what being a death eater meant were shattered. it wasn't like his parents had said when he was young-- there was no prophecy saying wizardkind was in danger of extinction, and lord voldemort didn’t have to kill lily and james potter. regulus had learned from professor trelawney that it was her prophecy; that all the prophecy even indicated to begin with was that a baby born in harry’s certain circumstances would somehow bring the end of lord voldemort.

all of his lord's actions were selfish– regulus knows that now. he knows that the talk about preserving their culture and loving pure, magical blood was just an excuse to kill others and manipulate a select few to always do his bidding.

regulus was one of those ones manipulated. and it all became worse when he realized that sirius was never in azkaban for killing twelve muggles-- that was peter pettigrew the entire time. regulus's life feels like a joke with no punchline, especially when he finally meets his brother and has him ripped away once more. all he wonders now are what other lies his parents told him, that the death eaters perpetuated.

focusing on quidditch feels like an impossible task, especially with bee present and beautiful. but he gets dressed in his green slytherin robes as quickly as he can, meeting the team out on the field with his nimbus 2001 before the match starts.

marcus flint gives a speech reminding them the key points of their training, encouraging them to do well against their opponents and not let their guard down just because of lucius's generous donation of nimbus 2001s to the entire team.

regulus is only partly listening, allowing his gaze to drift over to the hufflepuffs, immediately picking out bee. his heart feels warmer as soon as he sees her, like it always does every single time he lays eyes on her. she looks beautiful, a radiant smile on her lips at something her teammate says. her braids make his heart race a little because they're so cute, flopping over her shoulders as she mounts her broom. regulus smiles at her when she looks in his direction, raising a hand to wave. they're too far away for him to say anything, so he just gives her a lingering gaze before finally looking away. his stomach feels tight for some reason, like it's hard to even witness how perfect she is this morning when he knows he'll never be able to tell her how he really feels.

madam hooch makes marcus shake hands with cedric, then she counts down before blowing her whistle to start the game, causing all fourteen players to kick off the ground. regulus follows suit, raising high into the air above the other players. he needs to focus on looking for the snitch, but he can already tell it's going to be more difficult than usual as he feels the droplets of rain start to pelt his face, cold and icy. his gaze moves over to bee again, watching as she flies for the quaffle, trying to catch it as adrian pucey tosses it over to marcus.

he tries not to focus on watching her, realizing he's the seeker and he's responsible for making his team win. he dodges a bludger, swinging his broom around to start flying in the other direction. the rain is starting to pour, making his curls plaster to his forehead as the water gets in his eyes. squinting, he looks for the snitch, all too aware of the way bee is flying past him again as marcus takes the quaffle towards the goal posts. / @devcted

[toujours-bellamort]

7, 10, 12, 14, 15

7. Favourite book and why?

This is actually a really good question because for the longest time it was Order of the Phoenix but during the last few times I’ve re-read the series I’ve actually had more pleasure in reading Half Blood Prince. I love the depth we go into The Dark Lord’s backstory in HBP. I also think Spinner’s End is a phenomenal chapter. We see a side of Bellatrix that we wouldn’t see otherwise, a vulnerable side that without these non-HP POV chapters we wouldn’t have seen as intimately, not to mention the glaringly obvious hint about her and The Dark Lord’s relationship, which adds another layer not just to Bellatrix but to The Dark Lord as well. We see her question Snape - questions that set up the whole book and the rest of the series, questions a lot of fans have also had up to that point.

So, after getting sidelined on Spinner’s End, Half Blood Prince is my favourite book.

10. Which character do you relate to most and why?

I think I relate most to Luna. She is an outcast, as was I at school. A bit weird, unconventional, perceived to be eccentric, very close to her dad, took her a while to find her tribe and even then she’s still on the fringes of said group. I relate very much to Luna.

12. Thoughts on Severus Snape?

Apologies for the wall of text below!

I admit that he is a powerful wizard, though I dislike him primarily because he was selfish enough to ask for Lily to be spared in the hope that she would come to him when he, at the time, was on the side of the man who killed her husband and (as he believed at the time) her child. I also dislike what the fandom has made him, he’s become St Severus. St Severus who bullies kids to the point of being the thing they fear most. He’s not a pleasant man. Now you could say that my favourite character is Bellatrix Lestrange, why do I care about Snape’s moral compass when Bellatrix isn’t exactly a kind person? Well because there was never a question mark over Bellatrix’s loyalty and, outside of a minority who write her as an abused child (zero evidence in canon), we never paint her to be something she isn’t. Snape is a bully, he was a cruel man who got pleasure from being nasty to children. Why do the fandom make him out to be SadBoi™️ and justify his actions? There’s no justifying an adult tormenting a child. Yes, James and Sirius were horrible to him but they changed their ways. Snape continued being a bully, bullying Harry because of the fact he looked like James, bullying Neville (to the point that he was his boggart!) he lied to Voldemort about his loyalty and brought about his ultimate downfall while pretending to be his most faithful servant. As a character, I think he’s phenomenally written. As a person, I would hate him.

14. Best Subject at Hogwarts?

I would have to say Ancient Runes. I’m Norse pagan so I already have a strong relationship with runes and if I was a student there’s no way I wouldn’t take that class! Or Astronomy, which is a hobby of mine anyway.

15. Worst Subject at Hogwarts?

Muggle Studies. Why does it exist? Wizards have magic, they don’t need to know how a fork lift truck works. It’s a pointless class. Muggleborn students don’t need it, and why do magical students need it? Take it off the curriculum!

[whatstruthgottodowithit]

The Other Evans Girl [Part Fourteen]

Fandom: Harry Potter [Marauder’s Era]

Pairing: Sirius Black x Original Female Character, Sirius Black x Daisy Evans, James Potter x Lily Evans

Characters: Sirius Black, Original Female Character, Daisy Evans, Lily Evans, Remus Lupin, James Potter, Harry Potter, Severus Snape, Minerva McGonagall, Alice Fortescue, Frank Longbottom, Marlene McKinnon, Albus Dumbledore, Voldemort, Peter Pettigrew, Lucius Malfoy, Bellatrix LeStrange, Walburga Black, Orion Black, Jasper Thicknesse, Barty Crouch Jr, Mulciber, Walden McNair

Word Count: 3674

Rating: Teen

Summary: Hogwarts is a safe haven, a home for many, but it’s often a place where heartache, love and complex emotions dwell and none know that better than the Marauders. Lily Evans just wants to make it out as a successful witch though the oncoming war and the ongoing advances of James Potter threaten that. Daisy Evans, her twin, has other goals. Join the Evans sisters as they make their way through Hogwarts, prepare for war and eventually find love.

Tags/ Warnings: Hogwarts, Friends, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Marauder’s Era, Teenage Angst, Babies, Weddings, Dating, Crying, Loss of Virginity, First Wizarding War, Love, Kissing, Teenagers, James Potter is a bit of a dick, Hogsmeade, 1970s, Fighting, Loss of Parents, Grief, Babies, Injuries, Gore, Harm, Christmas,  The Potter’s Mansion // Daisy’s Dress // NYE Lily’s Dress // NYE Daisy’s Dress // Lily’s Ring // Daisy’s Ring // Daisy's Necklace

Notes: Okay so I’ve been working on updating this and I’ve finally gone through all the chapters already written before I start writing more. It’s changed a lot so I’ve decided it’s just better to completely re-upload it.  

If you want tagging let me know

LINK TO AO3 // LINK TO PINTEREST // LINK TO ALL PARTS

‘Don’t forget your present,’ Daisy said as she handed a small bundle wrapped in brown paper to her sister. ‘Thanks,’ Lily smiled, ‘yours is on my chest of drawers.’ ‘I know,’ Daisy smiled smugly. ‘I should’ve guessed you already clocked it,’ Lily said, rolling her eyes. They were standing on the platform in Hogsmeade surrounded by dozens of students laden with belongings as they all headed home for the holidays. Daisy was the only one without a mass of stuff though given the coldness of the morning and the snow that dusted the entire trail from the castle to the station she was weighed down by layers. As she heard the conductor call for them to board Daisy looked down the platform and eyed the people clambering onto the docked train before looking at her sister who was sorting out her cat, Clara, out in its cage. When she finally looked up, pushing her long red locks out of her face, she found her twin watching her sadly and sighed.

‘I can’t believe you can’t come home,’ she sighed making Daisy’s frown grow deeper. ‘I know Lil but I can’t exactly go against Madam Pomfrey,’ she said, ‘I mean she’s one step behind McGonagall on the scary scale here.’ ‘I know, I know, and I’m probably just being selfish because I don’t want to be with Tuney and Vernon,’ she sighed. ‘You know you could’ve stayed with me,’ she reasoned. ‘And have mum flip about both of us not being home? No thank you,’ she giggled. ‘That’s a valid point,’ Daisy said. Behind them, the steam engine whistled beckoning the last few stragglers forward. ‘I should go,’ Lily said. Daisy nodded and opened her arms for her sister to hug her. Lily leaned in and embraced her twin tightly and then pulled away with a sad smile. ‘Bye Lilypad,’ Daisy smiled. ‘Bye yourself Daisychain,’ Lily replied rolling her eyes though a giggle escaped.

Lily grabbed her suitcase, bag and cat cage and turned around to get on the train. Daisy watched as she climbed inside just in time for the train to whistle one last time and then pull away from the station, waving even though Lily couldn’t see her.

And so, with her sister safely headed back home she around and headed back to the castle sighing as she realised that she’d be alone with her own thoughts for return journey. Over the past week, she had been through a range of emotions. She had felt guilty over bailing on Christmas with her parents but relieved she didn’t have to put up with her oldest sister. She felt curious about what was going on between her best friend and her boyfriend. When she had tactfully enquired about their current relationship status Marlene had insisted everything was fine between her and the dark-haired boy but Daisy didn’t believe her. Not that she had any reason but a gut feeling not to given that the boys hadn’t got a clue over what had or hadn’t occurred and she didn’t dare approach Sirius about it in case he wondered why she was prying.

But all those feelings aside she was mostly confused about her feelings for Sirius. Sure she liked him as a friend but over the past week she wondered if it might have been more. Of course she could understand why she might find him alluring, most girls did, given that he was suave and exciting not to mention easy on the eye. But then there were reasons she didn’t, things that were alright for a friend but not something you wanted in a potential love match like how distant he could be at times or the fact she never knew what he was thinking unless he allowed her in. Not to mention his dating prowess was well known around the school and hers was no match.

Over the last week all she had done was agonise over it, every thought triggering another one that only made her more confused an anxious. In fact, as she entered the courtyard she realised that it had travelled with her the entire way back up to the castle. It was the only thing on her mind as she spotted Sirius standing by the front door as if he had been waiting for her. It made butterflies flutter in her stomach but as she climbed the steps towards him.

‘Hey,’ he said as she got a couple paces away.

‘Hey,’ she replied with a smile. ‘Lily get off alright?’ he asked. ‘Yeah,’ she said, ‘didn’t you see the boys off?’ ‘Nah, they’re alright we said goodbye this morning,’ he said, leading her towards the great hall that was all set up for dinner.

Once again Daisy felt her conflicting feelings arise and before she could stop herself she asked, ‘didn’t you see Marlene off?’

Sirius glanced at her before looking away quickly before he muttered, ‘oh, uh, no. I guess she went early.’ ‘Right,’ Daisy said as they both sat down at the table. He didn’t look at her, too busy loading his plate up with food but Daisy couldn’t help but stare at him, more questions she couldn’t ask on her mind. She hadn’t seen Marlene this morning, given that some magical families opted to have their children come home via a different route but surely her boyfriend would’ve seen her, right?

‘So,’ Sirius said as he started piling steak and kidney pie on his plate in mounds. That was one thing Daisy hadn’t gotten used to in the weeks of being friends with the marauders, how much boys could eat. ‘So?’ she asked. ‘What are your plans for the day?’ he said, through a mouthful of bread roll. ‘Absolutely naff all,’ she said, ‘you?’ ‘Well, I think I may have a good idea but it’s no fun alone,’ he said, a smirk playing on his lips. ‘That sounds like an invitation,’ she said with a grin. ‘Oh it is, are you in?’ he asked. Daisy paused. She should probably say no. After all the smirk on his face was doing nothing to erase the feelings bubbling within her in fact they were probably stoking the flames destined to cause more confusion and upset if she stayed around him. But what else was she supposed to do? He was her friend and she wasn’t even sure she liked him like that anyway. And it wasn’t as though she could spend the next two weeks avoiding him. So, for her own sanity she made an executive decision not to dwell on it. She could think about everything after Christmas.

‘I wouldn’t spend my Saturday anywhere else,’ Daisy smiled.

✵✵✵

‘What part of no strenuous activities don’t you understand?’ Daisy said between pants. ‘How is this strenuous?’ Sirius asked. ‘How are 4000 stairs strenuous?!’ ‘Don’t exaggerate it’s 3999 at most,’ Sirius chuckled as they finally reached the end of their climb with Daisy collapsing with exhaustion onto a bench the moment she got on solid ground. When Sirius had suggested heading to the astronomy tower she wondered what fun they could possibly have up there but he had assured her he had a good idea and so she had agreed, rather naively, only remembering Madam Pomfrey’s rules of little exertion until she was halfway up the tower stairs and already exhausted.

As she took a moment to catch her breath Sirius wandered towards embrasures and stared out into the grounds which were white with powdery snow. Daisy watched him enviously. Being on the Quidditch team meant he was quite athletic and Daisy was well not out of shape but definitely less physically fit though she reasoned that could be from her still healing wounds. He seemed to notice she hadn’t joined him, or rather she’d gone eerily quiet and so he turned, smiling at her and beckoning her to come and join in. Taking a deep breath Daisy got up from her resting place and wandered over.

And just as she’d got her breath back it was knocked out of her. The view was stunning. Having only been up here at night to watch the stars Daisy had never noticed just how much could be seen from up in the tower but now she could see everything. All the grounds were visible from the green houses and courtyards all the way down to Hagrid’s cabin and the whomping willow. She could even see the entire lake before it descended into deep green forestry and snow-covered mountains. It was breathtaking, especially covered in snow.

‘Sirius this is amazing,’ she said, finding him watching her when she finally peeled her eyes away from the view. ‘You like it?’ he asked. ‘Of course!’ she said. ‘I thought you might,’ he smiled, ‘but this isn’t the whole plan you know.’ ‘No?’ she asked. ‘What do you take me for? This is low level,’ he said pulling out his wand. With a flick of his wrist, Sirius pulled a big blob of snow from nowhere. Daisy looked at him puzzled.

‘What are you doing?’ she said. ‘The first one to hit the greenhouses wins,’ he said. ‘Won’t they break?’ she said nervously. ‘Alright...chicken,’ he said smugly. Daisy’s eyes narrowed as she pulled out her wand and summoned a snowball quicker than lightning and launched it towards the greenhouses. ‘Pathetic,’ Sirius chuckled immediately following suit. ‘Oh you’re going down Black,’ she said.

✵✵✵

Sirius was snug. Though his bed at home was high end from the mattress to the Egyptian cotton sheets it didn’t beat his bed in the dorm. Knowing he was miles away from whatever his parents were doing was enough for him to feel safe and secure even if the blankets did itch a bit. And given that it wasn’t term time he was making the most of sleeping in. For now.

Sirius felt a thump on his bed and movement around his sleeping form causing his eyes to fly open which is how he came to find Daisy standing on his bed jumping up and down around him.

‘It’s Christmas!’ she cheered in a sing-song voice. ‘What time is it?’ he said with a yaw.

‘Seven,’ Daisy said. She’d stopped bouncing now but stayed stood above him.

‘Bloody hell Dais,’ he grumbled, placing his arm over his face to stop the low winters sun from stinging his eyes.

‘Oh come on it’s not that early! Besides aren’t you excited to open your presents?’ she said nudging him with her foot as though she was going to kick him out of bed.

‘I’d be happy to have a couple more hours kip,’ he grumbled.

‘Well that’s just not going to happen,’ she chuckled, returning to the bouncing assault she’d originally woke him with. Sirius allowed her to do for a moment before he launched himself up in bed, grabbing behind the backs of her knees and yanking until she toppled over, hitting his mattress bottom first with a thunk.

‘Spoil sport!’ she grumbled, shoving him in the arm.

‘Serves you right for waking me up so early,’ he smirked. ‘I was joking before,’ she said, ‘it’s just gone ten.’ ‘Exactly my point,’ he said rubbing his eyes as Daisy rolled hers. As he came around she got herself situated on the end of his bed, before handing him a stack of presents -he hadn’t noticed due to the commotion, an excited look on her face as she said, ‘I don’t know how you can sleep when there are presents to open.’ ‘I know my family,’ he muttered as she threw a neatly wrapped parcel at him.

They both started tearing at wrapping paper and inspecting the pile of presents from various family and friends. As expected Sirius’ gifts from his family were things he’d never use including a set of nauseatingly green dress robes and a book about ‘useful dark magic’ which he immediately threw on the floor still in the wrappings. It wasn’t a complete bust though. He got some sweets off Peter and a couple of books off Remus which seemed interesting even though he only had chance to skim the covers. But his favourite present was the one James had gotten him, the exact pair of sunglasses and leather jacket they had seen when they had been shopping in muggle London last summer. He adored them.

Daisy however enjoyed everything that she had received. Marlene and Alice had bought her a bottle of perfume and the boys ad gotten her some sweets. Lily had gotten her a lovely mini skirt and cardigan, both of which had Petunia’s name tacked onto the gift tag, something Daisy suspected her oldest sister had not idea about. But her best present was a record player from her parents along with a couple of LPs that she had listened to over the summer. She adored it but immediately felt guilty that they hadn’t been there to see her open it. As she ran a hand over it once more Sirius looked up, offering a low whistle when he saw the gift. 

‘That’s pretty swanky,’ he said running his long nimble fingers across the top. ‘I know! I mean I mentioned it over summer because I was sick of using Petunia’s old one,’ she said, thinking of how her parents must’ve been so sick of her moaning, ‘but I never thought they would get me one.’ ‘Lucky you,’ he said, his smile dimming for a second, a sadness behind his eyes that Daisy couldn’t help but notice but she pretended not to and instead changed the subject, ‘so, did you get anything good?’ ‘Yeah, some good stuff off the lads,’ he shrugged, showing her his spoils laid out on his lap. ‘Ooh those sunglasses are nice,’ she said picking them up and slipping them on. She modelled them exaggeratedly with a pout. Sirius chuckled. ‘How am I gonna wear them now knowing they look better on you?’ he chuckled. ‘It’s a curse you’ll have to bear,’ she giggled.

As Daisy handed them back they fell quiet for a moment before she gasped and said, ‘oh, I almost forgot!’ Before pulling another parcel from behind her and offering it up Sirius who took it with a small smile. He took it from her, eying the neatly written tag.

To Sirius,

Merry Christmas. Hope you like it!

Dais

Without hesitation he tore the paper away, chucking it behind him on his bed before unfolding the neatly folded piece of material he now had in his hand to find that it was a t-shirt with the picture of the muggle band KISS emblazoned on the front.

‘I thought you might like it,’ Daisy said nervously making him look up at her, ‘and I know your parents won’t.’ ‘I love it,’ he said with a smile, ‘and you’re right. They won’t.’ ‘Well, that’s always a bonus,’ she chuckled. Sirius nodded and then, realising she was still empty handed leaned over to his bedside table and pulled out another small package from the drawer before thrusting it her way. Daisy took it with a chuckle.

‘Thanks,’ she said, her attention going to the hastily wrapped present in front of her. ‘I didn’t have it put with your others because I didn’t know if, well, never mind,’ he said suddenly a fluster not that she seemed to notice as her attention was on the sleek long box in her hand. Daisy opened it slowly and found delicate chain laying inside, a small flower shaped pendant at the end of it, a daisy.  

‘Sirius it’s gorgeous!’ she said, pulling it out of the box holding it up to the light to inspect it. ‘You like it?’ he said almost disbelievingly. ‘I love it, help me put it on,’ she said, turning herself around in the bed and holding it out behind her so he could have it. Sirius took it from her obediently, finding the small clasp infuriatingly tricky to undo, though she waited patiently until finally he draped it out around her neck and clicked it closed, trying to ignore how warm and soft her skin was his fingers. The minute it was secured he dropped his hand, allowing her to drop her blonde locks from where she had been holding them. When she turned around she pulled at it showing him how well it fit. Sirius smiled, ‘looks good.’ ‘Doesn’t it!’ she said, unable to stop smiling, ‘oh Sirius I really love it.’

And before he could reply or brush her off, the heat mounting in his cheeks at her gushing, she leaned over and hugged him without warning. He was taken aback at first but after a moment or so he relaxed into it, allowing her coconut-scented hair to fill up his nose before she pulled away, watching him with a smile.

‘I should probably go and get changed,’ Daisy sighed, looking down at her flannel pyjamas glumly. ‘You mean that’s not what you’re wearing to Christmas dinner?’ he asked. ‘Oh shut it,’ she said clambering off the bed and grabbing her presents though she hesitated at the record player. Sirius looked at it but Daisy shrugged, ‘it’s a bit heavy. Besides you can’t come to my room, how are we gonna listen to them together?’

And before he could contradict her Daisy flounced out of the room and back towards her dorm. Sirius flopped back on his bed with a smile. Turns out Christmas at Hogwarts wasn’t so back.

✵✵✵

As all Christmas Days do, this one passed quickly. After they got ready Sirius and Daisy met in the common room and headed down for breakfast. Given that the castle was almost empty it was a quiet affair though Daisy suspected that was less to do with the amount of people who had stayed behind and more to do with the fact that those who had were no longer under obligation to peel themselves out of bed at the crack of dawn given it was a holiday. So, once she and Sirius were fed it wasn’t long before they were back upstairs playing a couple of rounds of exploding snap with some first years who’d been forced to stay behind too. Dinner was more a bit lively with the meal turning into general chatter before a game of charades broke out though given the amount of sherry the teachers had put away that started to devolve into a heated debate quicker than ever and so Daisy decided it was probably best to retreat back to the tower, pulling Sirius with her much to his chagrin.

Once upstairs though Daisy decided she didn’t want to risk spending time with the first years and so headed up to the boys dormitory, immediately setting up her record player the moment she got inside on the floor by Sirius’ bed whilst he grabbed a couple of pillows and set them down for them to sit on.

As she fiddled with it he sat down, resting back against the bed as he waited for the music to begin. Eventually a soft rock tune started to come from the box and for a moment Sirius felt like he was home. If he was at home this would be exactly what he was doing anyway. Whilst his parents hosted their annual Christmas party with his extended family he’d be holed away in his room, listening to music and pretending he was at Hogwarts. He loved his record player. It was the only thing in his room that felt truly his whether that was because he’d bought it with his own money or because it always managed to transport him somewhere other than that god awful house he didn’t know. Not to mention it had the added perk of annoying his mother to no end, with her threatening to burn the ‘wretched muggle contraption’ any time he used it though she was easily drowned out by turning it up even louder. The only downside of that was he had to put a permanent sticking charm on the bottom so she couldn’t chuck it when he was at school.

Still as Daisy sat back beside him throwing him a soft smile he couldn’t help but think that this was better than home. That even if it wasn’t his own record player they were using, the one that meant so much to him, listening to one with a friend was more enjoyable.

‘What’s this?’ he asked, finally paying attention to the tune only to find it unfamiliar. ‘Queen,’ she said, showing him the album cover. ‘I think I’ve heard of them,’ he said taking it out of her hands so he could look at it. It was just a logo nothing more but he was sure he’d heard them before, his penchant for rock leading him to listen to them a couple of times. ‘They’re really good,’ she said, ‘he’s got such a good voice.’ ‘Yeah,’ Sirius said listening to the singer as he tried to recall the previous songs he’d heard. As he thought about it he rested back, closing his eyes as if that would help him listen better, allowing the music to echo through the dormitory. Daisy followed suit, the pair of them listening with their eyes closed, enjoying the song.

As the music changed over Sirius opened his eyes and watched Daisy. She still had hers closed but she must’ve known this one as she was mouthing the words to herself though she must’ve sensed him looking at her eyes opened somewhere in the chorus, catching him watching her with a smirk on his face.

‘What?’ she smiled, determined not to feel embarrassed at being caught singing along. ‘Nothing,’ he murmured, ‘you just looked happy there.’ ‘I am,’ she said honestly. Sirius smiled. As the next song faded in, melodic and slow, Daisy leant down and rested her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes once more. Sirius glanced at her and then allowed his head to rest on top of hers as he listened with her. ‘Me too,’ he whispered.

SIRIUS BLACK/SERIES TAGS

@maeisafangirl @mysteriouslydelicateface @caitlin1996 @imthebadguyyy

[rollercoasterwords]

okay i took a break and studied for a while and then i picked up the 5 pov aftermath fic and when i tell u i fuckin WEEPED bc everyone is so SELFISH but i UNDERSTAND it and like dorcas was selfish too but it really HIT in that (epilogue? idk what to call the 5 pov thing) that no one (except pandora) really CARED about dorcas herself even after she died and it MAKES SENSE but i am still So Upset about it

lily is someone i identify with the most in most of the fics i read and that held true in this one too!! it didn’t stop me from being fucking MAD at her though when she said she’d do it all again because i UNDERSTAND THAT TO MY CORE but reality is a bitch man and that bitch just slapped me across the fucking face!!

this is the first fic that really made me realize like… the order was SECRET. i feel like in the other canon-compliant fics i’ve read it’s centered around people IN the order so i forget it’s not public knowledge but people like pandora and liam etc really made me THINK about the fact that half of these kids truly did NOT have to join the order if they didn’t reallllyyyy want to and to be honest that makes everything 1000 times harder to swallow. pandora and xenophilius were living so (seemingly) peacefully and the fact that some of them could’ve gotten that ending if they had gone about things a bit differently is absolutely GUTTING.

don’t even get me started on the fact that sirius and remus are so OBVIOUSLY not doing well i actually stupidly thought for a second “aw man, hope they’ll end up okay” and it hit me like a fucking brick wall that they’re LITERALLY NEVER going to be okay again. grief is such a finicky thing and it manifests in SUCH damaging ways especially for these two. they’re just never going to work it out, poor things.

the OTHER thing that was absolutely fucking INSANE to me was the fact that i got to read lily’s pov in the AFTERMATH of something. do you get what i mean? like, normally in canon-compliant fics, LILY is the dead one. she doesn’t GET an epilogue pov. but she did here, and it blew my fucking mind when i realized that, in terms of this story, lily actually lived until the very end. and she’s still living, just sorta suspended there. CRAZY.

GOD i don’t think i’ll EVER stop thinking about this i just can’t even begin to fathom how seamlessly you depicted the complexity of war themes and how EASILY things can slip down the slope and how, despite being kicked while they’re down, humans ALWAYS attempt to claw their way back up in some way shape or form. and it’s normally ugly. UGH wow just. thank you. WOW.

i am answering this so late omg but HI i'm so happy u liked aftermath!!! i truly was not planning to write it at all as i said in the notes i just received 2 messages on here that got me thinking and. well it sort of came out of nowhere lol

but yeah lily in thtf and this oneshot in particular is so so special to me i loved writing something from her pov <3 in a lot of ways she's very similar to dorcas which is. why they never really become close in thtf because they are both very much people whose moral compasses are like...centered around one person. like for dorcas it's marlene for lily it's harry. and that's something i loved getting to explore a little more with lily, because there's really no clear right or wrong in what she's done. like, lily essentially lit the fuse, but dorcas was already a stick of dynamite, y'know? so how much responsibility does lily bear for dorcas's death? were her reasons justified? were her intentions pure? is intent even something that matters in a situation like this?

and yeah i do think it's really interesting to think about the order as like. an underground organization. like it's presented that way in the books but in a lot of marauders-era war fics it doesn't really feel that way since many writers (myself included) tend to make like. all the characters join lol just because. well that's the focus of the story, y'know? but i did want to try and include some of those like "outsider" perspectives and try to show that like--yeah, for some of these kids at least, they probably could have just lived peaceful lives and left the fighting to someone else. that's something i tried to emphasize with lily, too, in that part talking about how like. she joins this war because she thinks it will help bring about positive change that will allow her and her loved ones to live better lives, but she realizes during the course of the war that she is changing so irrevocably as a person that even if they do win and the positive change she's seeking does happen, she won't get to have that good life she's been fighting for, because the trauma of the battle is going to stay with her forever.

and remus and sirius <3 yeah <3 i mean i just love r/s angst what can i say lol

anyway!! truly love exploring all these themes related to wartime and the aftermath of survival, so i'm truly happy u enjoyed reading abt it!!! thank u so much for taking the time to send this lovely message (even though it took me a bit to respond lol) <3

[carewyncromwell]

1, 2, 3, 7 (Frozen), 10 (Inside Out) and 31?

1) Harry Potter

Remus Lupin. When I first met him while reading Prisoner of Azkaban, he reminded me of all the best teachers I'd ever had: the ones that got me excited about learning, the ones that clearly both loved and were expert in what they taught, the ones who wanted nothing more than to share what they knew with the next generation and loved seeing them gain confidence in what they were studying. He also had such a calming aura in contrast to more fiery Gryffindors like Harry, Ron, or even McGonagall, and that was really cool to see. Then we learned more about who Remus was as a person -- who his friends had been, about his lycanthropy and the struggles he dealt with because of it...and yeah, I latched onto this man with all my heart! I admittedly have always had a soft spot for characters who are social outcasts (hence why my second favorite character is Luna Lovegood), but even disregarding this, I just wanted the WORLD for poor Remus! He'd had such a difficult life and he'd lost so much, and I wanted him to be happy. Sadly by the end of the series, he really didn't get that happiness I wanted for him, but that doesn't mean I love him any less. I love headcanons and stories about the Marauders in large part because of how much I love seeing James, Sirius and yes, even Peter rallying around Remus to support him out of nothing but pure, loving friendship. I only wish that things had been different and both Remus and Sirius could've rebuilt their grim, loss-filled lives with happiness the way they deserved. My other favorites include (as mentioned) Luna Lovegood, the Weasleys overall, Sirius and Regulus Black, and Professor McGonagall.

2) Hogwarts Mystery

Barnaby Lee! I explained better why in another post discussing my top five favorites, so I'll just quote that!

Barnababy!! <3 Okay, this boy is unquestionably my favorite character in the game Hogwarts Mystery, even if the writers do just make him a punchline a lot of the time. He just is such a beautiful subversion of all of the old Slytherin tropes. From the very beginning, he’s sort of framed as the “Crabbe/Goyle” to Merula’s Draco Malfoy, but he pretty quickly breaks out of that box by being so legitimately and sincerely innocent. He’s honorable and amiable to the point that MC just beating him in combat will make them his buddy, but he also blooms under their influence, showing off more of his protective and nurturing side after becoming their friend. He doesn’t want to take over the world – he just wants to be strong and to learn as much about magical creatures as he can, and he chases that ambition with determination! Slytherins are associated with selfishness and cowardice, largely because of their valuing of self-preservation, but Barnaby? The complete antithesis of that. He will literally throw himself in front of his friends to protect them from harm. And I just love that so much.

But yeah, my top four after Barnaby are Bill Weasley, Orion Amari, Talbott Winger, and Charlie Weasley; I also have a huge soft-spot for Chiara Lobosca, Rowan Khanna, Ben Copper, (as mentioned earlier) the rest of the Weasley family, and Duncan Ashe.

3) Hogwarts Legacy

Ominis Gaunt! I always love it when Harry-Potter-centric media breaks the "Slytherin is evil" stereotype (I mean, hey, I am one myself), and yeah, unlike his buddy Sebastian who sort of stays on the gray side morality-wise, Ominis proves the "bad Slytherin" image 150% wrong while also showing a side of the Gaunt family we've never seen before. I just love Ominis's sass partnered with his quiet, unassuming nature, but also his strong morals and iron-clad loyalty. Plus it's cool to now have some representation for the blind community as well in the Potterverse. My other favorites in the cast are Aesop Sharp, Abraham Ronen, Matilda Weasley, Natsai Onai, and Poppy Sweeting.

7) Frozen

It's very, very close between Elsa and Anna, honestly. I personally relate more to Elsa personality-wise, but if there was a character from the Frozen musical I would love to portray on stage, it would be Anna. I love how comedic Anna is, which is something Disney female characters and female leads in particular rarely get to be, as well as how deathly loyal and determined she is...but I also find Elsa's struggles incredibly relatable in the first film and even if the second film is flawed, that doesn't mean I don't like seeing her get a more complete picture of herself as an individual.

10) Inside Out

Disgust, actually! I laughed the most at her in the first film, and I honestly love her aesthetic. I think my own Headquarters would have my Disgust at the head of the console, being discerning with what I do and who I trust, with Joy serving as support, especially at work.

31) Pirates of the Caribbean

Not a surprising answer, probably, but good old Captain Jack! I love him as this chaotic neutral sort who's kind of just out for himself, but still does have a heart and sincerely just wants to be free to live his own life his own way. My second choice, though, I think is more surprising, and that's James Norrington! I personally think he was criminally underused and then cast aside in the third film in particular, when he deserved SO much more focus in the OG trilogy overall. If I'd written the series, I would've had James as the Javert to Jack's Valjean, chasing him all around the Caribbean for at least one whole movie and maybe even having to team up reluctantly with Jack along the way before his fall from grace. And then, yeah, give James and Jack even more time to bounce sassy one-liners off each other. Perhaps Disney was already so afraid of how obviously queer Jack is that they elected to "no-homo" him by giving both him and Norrington respectively way more scenes with the only main female in the entire cast all in an attempt to shut up the Sparrington shippers. But come on, both Depp and Davenport had way more chemistry with each other than they did with every sapphic's movie girlfriend Keira Knightly, seriously.

Favorite Character Ask!

[rosemelodyshah]

Thanks for answering the ask!

I am anti Remus so I suppose I ignored the times he was brave, but for me it's too little, too late.

For me, despite how brave joining the Horcrux hunt would have been, his intentions are selfish and cowardly (running from his wife and unborn child), and then he tries to manipulate Harry by saying 'James would have wanted/agreed with this' [paraphrasing], which further ruins the bravery. besides, it's not bc he wants to help, it's more so he can escape fatherhood.

He does value bravery, but he isn't truly brave for majority of the sereis which ruins him for me. I loved him when I first was in the fandom, but upon rejoining I just think the few times he is brave, his intentions/the fact that they're a consequence/he didn't have much choice ruins it for me. This is also my main issue with snape (among other things)

His flaws aren't as on the face, just like Lily's isn't for example, but I think that's what makes me more agitate about it. I ca be real salty at times, though I'd like to think I'm mostly nice, and when things are b/w the lines just enough that they aren't obvious, my mind just starts reeling at it (esp if I seem to be in the minority)

@casquecest I realised I kind of framed that wrong. my point was even when he lets others get him down, he stands up for James. Like the Molly V him, he kinda takes her coming at him (though he is getting very angry) but once she indicates that James and Lily were wrong, he stands up. Or at least that's how I view it. I know he does shut James down, which is more than what Remus does (Remus goes all 'But there's that too'-- another example of his cowardness), he also doesn't just let people talk James down for no reason. He certainly isn't afraid to call James an idiot or anything, but by life if people accuse him of something, esp if it's wrong. I do read a lot of co-ddependant PF fics so I should start working on wording this particular sentence more (I believe this isn't the first time I've given the wrong impression with this😅)

As for the unhinges part, that might be my HC? Idk I see him and Bellatrix are like very similar, except they choose diff life paths and kinda end up comp diff? They have similar motivations in life, for a while at least, and it kinda sets them up for everything. Bella is.. well insane for Voldy, and Sirius is super loyal to James.

@shivstar Oh I'm referring to his undercover mission with the werewolves. I get that Dumbledore asks him to be undercover or whatever, but by keeping that from James, Sirius and Peter he kinda ruins all (okay maybe not Peters, but his own instead) 7 lives. Also, I don't quiet get it with Sirius either but why didn't he tell Dumbledore or anyone, really, his suspicions? Like I'd think James would shut it down but he really goes a good couple of months at least just suspecting Sirius and keeping quiet? (I don't quiet get this with Sirius either but I think Sirius does tell Jily and I think someone else too but got shot down-- I'm not sure tho). Also kinda have to admit I'd think Remus would have acted shady enough that Sirius suspected it, but I guess Sirius must have also been kinda strange?

(Oh and not really related but how is it that both of them were suspecting each other and Peter just acted normal enough that no one saw it coming. I mean I get it they thought a bit less of him but really they were being quiet idiotic)

Controvertial take: Remus is the worst, and most cowardly, Marauder.

James is so true and close to his core beliefs that it left his child an orphan, which is sad, but he has full trust in people who he gives loves. No matter how many WIPs of James who fights evil!Dumbldore by being sly and cunning I am writing, James would still never (if I stuck by true Canon) bc James is just the kind of open book where he'd just barge in and tell everyone what he thinks eventually. He can keep secrets and work under ground, but he'll fight for what he believes publically. He is brave enough to get down from the front row to protect his family, and brave enough to die, wandless and straight-backed just in hopes of giving his family more time.

Despite him letting Dumbledore and everyone step on him after Azkaban, Sirius also stays true to his core beliefs (AKA you mess with James in any way [including thinkng bad about him or thinking he could ever made a mistake], you die). He is James' less trusting, more real version and he doesn't fear anyone. Literally would kill for those he loves, a bit unhinged, and like a male version of Bellatrix (excepts it's James he'd do anything for instead of Voldemort-- and he never marries). He is also the only one who knows what Harry needs and what's best for him. He is brave enough to stay cooped up in Grimauld and brave enough to die for Harry.

Peter ends up betraying his friends, and while in Hogwarts just follows James around. Despite this, he is brave in his own way. He is brave enough to throw like a decade of friendship away. He is brave enough to beg James' son to spare his life IN FRONT of Sirius and Remus. He shows his true colours and doesn't abandon that. He is brave enough to be truly selfish, and do anything needed to live. He is also brave enough to feel guilt, and admit said guilt in front of the man who wants to kill him, how once best friends son and his friends, and the werewolf. He is brave enough to admit that he was selfish and only wanted to live. He is brave enough to be a traitor and turn his back on people.

Remus however, lives in the shadows and just gives his life up, in a way, because someone didn't hate him. The Marauders became animagi for them, so he kept quiet about the bullying even though it 'bothered' him. He keeps secret from the three people who truly accepted him, which kind of ruins like 7 lives (James, Lily, Peter, Harry, Sirius, Voldemort, Snape). He has no core values. Nothing he really believes in. He starts suspecting one of the people most loyal to James and him and his friends. He lets push him around because they stayed. Everyone (unintentionally or otherwise) exploited that. He doesn't raise his voice because he wants to. He doesn't say no because he means it. He runs away from his family and tries to guilt trip and manipulate Harry. He lets people manipulate him, and tries to guilt trip others. He has like zero anything bc he just lets everyone step on him. He is a COWARD, and James would not be happy with him and everything he did and did not do after he (James) died.

all of this, yes, but i will say that remus showed bravery at some point—at the end, for example, when he came to fight; or the sheer audacity of showing up expecting harry to take him with him on the horcrux hunt.

remus valued bravery. he wanted to be brave. he could be brave, provided others were there to be brave with him. he was capable of being brave while going under cover with the other werewolves.

remus was brave when he was ordered to be, and he was brave when there were others there to be brave with him. he’s a very interesting character who’s very flawed, but doesn’t seem flawed upon a shallow reading because they’re not as glaring as, say, sirius’, voldemort’s, and harry’s impulsivity; james’ and hermione’s black-and-white thinking; ron’s jealousy; peter’s capability of betraying those who loved him for who he was. it’s subtler, it’s glossed over in the fandom, and that’s a pity because he is a cool and tragic character who has to actively choose to be brave, and often chooses not to be.

[seriousbrat]

Some people will say there’s no way James and Remus were not at least a teeny bit in the joke. Do you think there’s truth in Snape’s claims? It seems that a lot of his readings on the Marauders are true, and Harry just refuses to believe it because he hates Snape and likes Sirius. Could it be true that James got cold feet, or simply wanted to come out as the hero?

One could argue that Remus, who chronically needs to be the good guy, would never agree to something that dangerous - but he did agree to many escapades from the Shack, which also endangered students and villagers. How far would he let his friends go before he challenges them?

I don’t personally believe this, whenever I try to puzzle it together like that, I find that it ultimately undermines the characters, specially Sirius’s and James’s. It erases Sirius vindictive recklessness and daredevil edge and replaces it with uncharacteristic cold calculation. James also has a moment that shows a lot of his core - his black and white morality (that this time absolutely pointed to the right direction) leading him to risk his own life to save another.

It’s a theory on the fandom that sounds interesting to explore and I’m curious to find someone who can convincingly back it (it’s just gnarly because one tends to get roped into very aggressive marauders vs snape discourse)

I mean I think it's fairly obvious that it was meant to be Sirius's idea, and that neither James nor Remus were involved. I don't think Snape is supposed to be a reliable source of information about the Marauders, as he is heavily biased against them-- though obviously, there is more truth in what he says about James than what Harry initially realises, but like many things the truth lies somewhere in between both versions.

Going back to the Shrieking Shack convo, Remus says this:

Remus says that James had "heard what Sirius had done," implying that James didn't know what Sirius was planning until it was already underway. I mean of course Remus might be lying, but I find this unlikely. I think this version of events aligns pretty well with what we know about James in that he's brave and self-sacrificing, and from a young age (hogwarts express scene) he does display a strong sense of very black and white morality. As you implied, this often manifests in negative ways, such as bullying Snape, but also I think it wouldn't have allowed him to stand by while someone, even Snape, was in mortal peril.... let alone participate.

To me it's obvious that Snape would assume that Remus and especially James were in on it. He doesn't really know who they are as people aside from cruel bullies, he's programmed to think the absolute worst of them, which to be fair is very understandable. If it was me, I'd probably believe James was in on it too. Or at least I'd want to believe-- I think there's a chance that Snape knew, very deep down, that James wasn't involved, but blaming the boy he hates is easier and less painful than having to be in his debt. Obviously Snape isn't going to want to owe James anything, much less his life. There's truth to Snape's vision of James, but he's quite clearly strongly biased against him, just as Remus and Sirius are biased in his favour. So no, Snape isn't an objective or reliable source when it comes to the Marauders and especially James-- why would he be?

I think if the truth had been that James was involved or that he only did it to help his friends, this information would have been given to us from a more reliable source than Snape. I've written about this before, but the fact that Dumbledore immediately compares the life-debt between Harry and Peter to the one between James and Snape to me implies that James saving Snape was not meant to be a selfish act. Narratively, the way Harry acts that night is supposed to reflect the way James would have acted, hence 'Prongs rode again,' hence Harry mistaking himself for his dad.

Later, we obviously learn things about James that are less admirable, but that doesn't mean that the above doesn't still hold true. James is meant to be both things, it's what makes him a complex character-- neither the flawless hero he's made out to be by his friends, nor the irredeemable villain that Snape sees him as.

Something that might have been interesting (and I really wish I'd thought of this for my fic honestly) is for James and Sirius to casually joke about feeding Snape to Remus, and while James only ever saw it as a joke Sirius took it at face value, assuming that James would approve when he actually set it in motion.

As for Remus (sorry this is so long already but I realised I haven't addressed the bit about Remus) even though it's still incredibly risky and irresponsible I think there's a difference between him wandering the grounds with two large animals, and deliberately sending someone into an enclosed area with a werewolf. Obviously it's absolutely insane that they'd let Remus out at all, but they were assuming (foolishly, perhaps) that it would be deserted at night and that Sirius and James could keep Remus in check. The risk is abstract, and seemingly they were proven right, as there were never any incidents-- although there could have been, obviously. Still, sending Snape down the willow by himself, deliberately putting a specific person in danger, is imo on a different level, and I think reading between the lines of Remus's fairly neutral explanation of the prank it's clear he doesn't approve. It seems INCREDIBLY unlikely that Remus was in on it, as it would have undoubtedly resulted in his expulsion, not to mention someone's blood on his hands.

[messers-moony]

Nothing Left | R.B

Paring: Regulus Black X Wife!Gryffindor!Reader

Summary: Everything crashes within seconds and Sirius doesn’t know where to go. 

Everything went downhill so fucking fast. How was that even possible? Everything was perfectly fine a year ago, but it seems that within that year, everything had collapsed onto the helpless boy. It was like being beneath a crumbling concrete tower that fell with no warning. Like being slapped in the face unexpectedly. Like getting doused in freezing water on a Sunday morning. 

In retrospect, it sucked. 

Sirius Black would know first hand. His entire life had been a screw-up from the beginning. It started with his parents, who - at the start - loved him. But when he turned out to be the child they never wanted all that love had vanished. They tortured him, broke him piece by piece, they built up trauma that took years for him to express to his friends. It wasn’t until third year when they heard him crying alone in his four-poster bed and asked what was wrong. He could remember the comforting embrace James Potter had given him. 

Nevertheless, it never ended there. The summer going into his sixth year, Sirius decided it was enough after too many Cruciatus Curses and body binding curses; enough was enough. His hands were trembling after enduring just ten minutes of the torture curse, and it was a struggle, but he packed everything he could. His heart broke at inevitably leaving his little brother behind. He could only hope that Regulus would understand. 

It took a Knight Bus trip to the Potter residence in Godric’s Hollow. The sky could’ve resembled how Sirius felt. Back at Grimmauld Place Twelve, the sky was always cloudy and rainy. Godric’s Hollow allowed the sun to shine past the fluffy clouds, but tonight was different. The sky was dark and thick, black clouds covered the stars. Rain poured from them, and it pittered on the stone roads. Sirius was instantly drenched when he stepped off the Knight Bus. 

Hesitantly he made his way to the door, where he knocked softly. The house was two stories and was a relatively big family home - not bigger than Grimmauld Place - but an average family home. The house was a mixture of grey, dark purples, and brown. It reminded Sirius of Remus’ patched jumpers. Sirius could hear movement from behind the plum door, and it opened to reveal a familiar face. James Potter with his messy hair, hazel eyes, and long limbs. James was muscular, but he was also tall, not Remus tall but taller than Sirius. 

James didn’t speak and ushered him inside. The following morning at breakfast, Euphemia - Mrs. Potter - had given Sirius the excellent news of his new forever home. The Potters would never forget the way Sirius lit up and how a smile had taken over his face. Sirius didn’t remember being this happy except for when Regulus was born. 

But his forever home was not forever. 

In seventh year, James’ parents had died, and nobody had comforted Sirius except one person who attempted. James had Lily, and that was enough for him. Perhaps it was selfish to think that James should be comforting him. It was definitely selfish. Sirius was doing really good at hiding how he felt until he crumbled behind a tapestry near the dungeons. 

Sirius didn’t know if it was good or bad luck that Regulus - his prefect Slytherin brother - had found him behind that tapestry. Regulus had pulled back the fabric slowly with his wand lit. His face had softened at his older brother sobbing with his knees to his chest. Regulus allowed his wand light to extinguish before sitting in front of him in the same position, allowing their socks to touch at the tips. 

They sat there for a couple of minutes before Regulus moved closer, albeit hesitantly to sit beside Sirius. Regulus had his back against the concrete, and Sirius curled up onto him while the younger Black brother rubbed his older brother's back. Sirius cried harder and harder. It took an hour before he subdued to sniffles and whimpers, but Regulus took it as his time to speak. 

“I know they meant a lot to you,” Regulus stated, still rubbing his older brothers back, “And I don’t blame you for grieving them.”

Sirius sniffled, “I ought to be grateful for them, really.” Regulus released a sound that sounded like a chuckle, but it was so foreign to Sirius he couldn’t tell, “They kept you safe. Kept you away from mother and father. They gave you a home where you could finally be you.”

“And no matter how mad I want to be at them for taking you away from me,” Regulus admitted, “I just can’t be because they gave you everything you wanted, and I’ve never seen you happier in my life.”

Regulus didn’t stop talking, “You know… I- I found my own James Potter.”

Sirius looked up at Regulus with flushed cheeks, but his facial expression was baffled, and Regulus presented him with a small smile, “Okay, maybe she isn’t my ‘James Potter’ per se because I don’t see her as a sister but rather she’s my girlfriend.”

“What’s- What’s her name?” Sirius croaked; his throat was so raw from crying. 

“Y/n L/n.”

“A- A Gryffindor?”

Regulus made that sound again, “Yeah. A stupidly brave one too. Even worse.”

Sirius smiled, “I know her.”

“Don’t tell me she was one of your conquests.” Regulus grimaced, and Sirius chuckled, snuggling back into Regulus’ chest, “No, she wasn’t. It turns out she has the hots for the other Black brother.”

Regulus smiled, and they allowed the silence of the castle to consume them. It was dark in the corridor on the other side of the tapestry, and Regulus could see the faint moonlight peaking out. He could also imagine the stars glittering beautifully in the midnight sky. He could see the star Sirius shining brighter than ever, and he just wanted his brother to feel the same. 

“I plan to marry her.” Regulus said before he could stop the words from falling from his mouth.

“What happens then?”

“What do you mean?”

“Mother and father will never approve.”

Regulus scoffed, “I’m done with their bullshit and have been for quite a while.”

Sirius met his brother's eyes again, “I left right after you. It turns out there is no more heir to the Black family name.”

The older Black brother smiled brightly and tightened his grip on his younger brother. Regulus couldn’t remember feeling this warm since they were little boys running around the backyard. Sirius was practically on top of him, and that was okay. For now, everything seemed okay again. Maybe Euphemia and Fleamont were gone, but even in their deaths, they managed to benefit Sirius’ life. 

Now it all seemed fruitless. 

Only a couple of months later, Sirius and Regulus had gotten into a huge kerfuffle. It ended with screaming, raw throats, tears, and flushed cheeks. Sirius could remember how Regulus playfully mocked his and Remus’ relationship. He didn’t know exactly what happened, just that he was pouncing for his little brother, and Remus was holding him back. Sirius had yelled some very awful things that he couldn’t take back. 

She hadn’t done anything. She didn’t even know that an argument had happened. Y/n had been reading in the common room when the book was flung out of her hand, and she was pushed against the stone wall of the Gryffindor Tower. Y/n met eyes with stormy grey ones, not unlike her lovers, but these weren’t her lovers. These were his elder brother's eyes, and he had lifted her off the floor against the wall until James had pulled Sirius off her. 

Y/n hit the floor with a thud and repeatedly coughed, hands on her throat. James had stormed into the boy's dormitory with Sirius with him. She didn’t even understand what was happening not until she met up with Regulus in the prefect dorm, and he saw the marks on her neck. Sirius had taken it too far, and Regulus was furious. They were no longer on speaking terms. 

Now Sirius had someone entirely different to grieve. 

Sirius had felt like his heart hit the floor when he was forced to move out of James’ house with Lily due to Harry being born. Remus had moved away to take care of his sick mother and asked for privacy. The funds that had previously been in Sirius’ account had been squandered, and now he was paying the price. 

He had absolutely nowhere to go. Truthfully, there was one place he could go, but he didn’t think he’d ever be accepted there. He had said unforgivable things, but James had given him enough confidence that it would be okay. Reluctantly, Sirius Black took the Knight Bus to the suburbs in London. The community felt so modern and new. It was different then Godric’s Hollow which had been around for so many years that it began to weather and erode. 

The deja vu was hitting him like a brick. Their house was a mixture of grey, black, white, and maybe blue - Sirius couldn’t tell in the darkness if it was white or pale blue. Perhaps he’d find out tomorrow if he was even welcomed inside. Sighing and shivering, Sirius knocked on the door. He could hear little squeals of delight that sounded much like a child. He also heard talking, but he froze when the door opened. 

Regulus Black, at the age of twenty-two, looked good. His hair was to his jaw, and it was wavy at the ends, whereas Sirius’ was much more straight. His eyes had turned silver over the years. His cheeks looked much fuller, and he looked a lot better. Regulus was no longer looked underweight, but he was still slim and skinny. Black family genes, Sirius supposed. Sirius couldn’t meet his brother's eyes. 

“What do you want, Sirius.” 

His name falling from Regulus’ mouth instead of a nickname hurt more than he expected, “I had nowhere else to go…”

Regulus scoffed, “James finally kick you out, eh?”

“Yeah, he did.” Sirius sounded so distant, “Perhaps it was about time, and here I am, at your doorstep.”

“Come on, Sirius.” Regulus motioned for him to come in, and Sirius did. 

The house was much cozier inside. The floors were dark wood, almost black. The living room - on Sirius’ left - was a darker turquoise color with grey furniture. The dining room - on Sirius’ right - was a light grey. The furniture was a marble table, white wood chairs with cushions, and a beautiful light fixture. Regulus led him to the kitchen, which was straight ahead in the hallway. 

It was a beautiful mint green color with black and white furniture. The appliances were primarily black and the furniture primarily white, but regardless, it was beautiful. They had another table in the kitchen that was a grey wood instead of the shiny marble in the dining room but nevertheless screamed elegance. Sirius sat at one of the barstools at the L of the counter. Regulus slid him a cup of tea. 

“Your house is beautiful.” Sirius complimented, and Regulus placed the cup back into the saucer, “Thank you. My wife picked everything out for the most part. I either built it or painted it.” Regulus smiled. 

“Your wife?”

Regulus hummed, “Y/n Black. Ring any bells?”

Sirius swallowed, “Yeah.”

They both took a sip of tea, “I have two kids too. Both boys.”

“Two?!“ Sirius nearly spat out the liquid he had just taken a sip of. 

“Twins. Fraternal, thankfully.”

He placed the cup down, “What’re their names?“

“Perseus Regulus Black and Leo Alphard Black.”

“Perseus and Leo, huh?“

Regulus blushed, “It wasn’t my idea. It was Y/n’s.”

“I like them,” Regulus looked up at him, “The names. I’m sure they fit them too.”

“Thanks.”

It wasn’t long until footsteps began to echo coming down the steps. Y/n had grown up too. Her face was sharper and her curves more defined. If Sirius was honest, she didn’t look like she had kids at all. To be fair, he wasn’t really staring at Y/n but more so his brother. Regulus had a starstruck expression as his wife walked towards him. He had a dopey smile on his face and stars in his eyes. Regulus really loved her, and Sirius could tell, hell, anyone could. 

Y/n stopped in her tracks at seeing Sirius, “What’s he doing here?” 

Regulus placed an arm around her waist, “He came looking for a place to stay. While I was waiting for you, I decided to catch up with him for a little.”

Sirius looked guilty, “Ultimately, I’m leaving this decision up to you.” 

Y/n sighed and looked at both brothers. She thought of what he did back at Hogwarts. She thought of how Regulus had cried and ached for his brother, wishing for their relationship to be back the way it was. She thought of her two children who always asked about their Uncle Sirius, who was never around. 

“Sirius,” Y/n began, and Sirius held his breath, “Where will you go if I were to say no?”

Sirius looked at his lap, “The streets.”

He couldn’t hear the footsteps that approached him until soft hands lifted his head where he met soft e/c eyes, “I’m willing to look past everything that happened at Hogwarts for the sake of my children. They deserve their uncle. But I need you to show me that I can trust you and that you won’t cause trouble.”

“I’ll do anything.” Sirius complied, and Regulus smirked, “Don’t say that. She’ll have you remodel something.”

“You’re an asshole.” Y/n whirled, and Regulus continued to smirk, “I told you to use magic, and you said we should do it the Muggle way.”

He shrugged, “We got good memories out of doing it the Muggle way.”

“If getting paint all over me counts as good memories, then sure.”

“It does.” Regulus smiled, “Your face was priceless.”

“Dickhead.” She muttered. 

Sirius grinned, “Well, Sirius. If Y/n lets you stay, then you’re welcome here. What I did back at Hogwarts was uncalled for, and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have mocked you and Remus.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“It is.” Regulus countered solemnly, “Had I not done that; then we could’ve had a better relationship. For that, I’m sorry.”

Sirius stood up and hugged Regulus tight, “New beginnings?”

“New beginnings.” Regulus smiled. 

Regulus led Sirius up the wooden stairs up to the second story. It seemed to have had four bedrooms and two bathrooms, one in the master bedroom, one in the hallway, not including the one downstairs. On the end of the left side was a door leading to the master bedroom. On the right end was a cabinet and two doors across from one another. Then in the middle of the back was a door leading to another bedroom which Regulus had opened. 

The bedroom was spotless and beautiful. It was painted a grey with purple undertone with a queen-sized bed. Most of the furniture was white, and the bedding was black. Sirius had brought his trunk to its normal size and placed it at the end of the bed. Regulus smiled as Sirius looked around. 

“This is yours for as long as you want it.” Regulus stated softly snd Sirius had tears in his eyes, “Thank you.”

Sirius hugged his brother again, “I really mean it, thank you.”

“I love you, Sirius.” Regulus confessed, “You’ll always be my brother. The one who held me during thunderstorms. The one who sewed up my teddy bear when it had gotten ripped. The one who took the blame so I wouldn’t get punished.”

Sirius was gripping the back of his shirt tightly, “That stuff doesn’t just go away.”

They parted, and Regulus smiled, “Get some sleep. I’m sure you’d like to see the boys tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yeah. I’d like to meet my nephews.” Sirius admitted smiling brightly. 

“Get some sleep, Siri.” 

“You too, Reggie.”

[padfootastic]

I'd love to hear your thoughts on the fight between Remus and Harry in DH. Because throughout the series we see Remus manipulating Harry by bringing up James, but for the first time, Harry brings up James in a situation that is the most relevant, and Remus goes BERSERK.

hello 💜💜 i’m so sorry for how long this has been lying in my inbox but i’ve got so much to say and not enough time for it 💀

i don’t think anything i say re this will come as a surprise to anyone who knows me lol i feel like that fight was such a good opportunity to show, in narrative, remus at fault without excusing his actions and the text still missed the mark. i’ve talked before about this, but remus always gets off scot free with no consequences or even reproach for any of his shitty actions and i think this comes under the same banner. iirc even hermione’s like ‘wtf harry’ because of his response, right?

but here, we see him acting shitty in a manner u absolutely cannot ignore. i mean, there’s a point to which ur willing to ignore a grown man’s agency and actions, right? and i feel like ‘abandoning ur wife and unborn kid in the middle of a whole war’ is waaaaaay past that point. we can talk all day about how he thought he was in the right, how he might’ve actually brought misfortune to them by virtue of who he was, but that still doesn��t excuse what tonks would’ve been going through, esp considering her own dad pulled a similar stunt.

you bring up such a great point re james. remus had absolutely no problems invoking his name when he wanted to guilt trip harry (i keep saying this but their conversation in poa horrifies me every time i think about it) but the moment he gets it back? it’s all ‘oh woe is me how dare u’. kinda makes me think remus never had to deal w the consequences of his actions (which like,,,am i wrong tho) bc all the misfortune he has, he attributes to his condition and never his own actions. he basically operates on an external locus of control and the people around him keep enabling it. (ofc a lot of this is conjecture + influenced by what i’ve seen in fandom bc we (i?) don’t actually know that much about him & his motivations from the text) and i think when he actually is held accountable, he’ll go straight on the defensive bc he doesn’t know how to handle it.

imo remus is super, super self destructive and not that capable at maintaining healthy relationships. for all that people go on and on about james and sirius being assholes and bullies, remus is actually so much more insidious in terms of being ‘toxic’. i really think harry was so right for doing what he did, not matter how much shit he gets for it, because someone has to. his friends won’t, people in authority aren’t, and he gets to go through life blaming everything except himself.

i feel like this is super unsympathetic to him lol but that scene in dh is actually one of my favs just because someone is finally saying something to Saint Remus and the fact that it’s harry, of all people? u go bby!!! it was also such a thoughtless action on remus’ part bc he’s telling this to a literal orphan who grew up abused and neglected. also!! the way it portrays him on the complete end of the spectrum as james (who we know is the ‘embodiment of bravery’ in the text bc of his actions therefore, remus is an absolute coward which, self professed but now proved further) which really makes u understand harry’s pov too, i think. because he idolised his dad, ykno? and he’s heard remus talk about their bond before, and we know harry’s judged people by comparing (and associating) them to his parents right? so it just makes remus come off even worse.

ultimately, i think it was just another selfish + narrow minded action in a long list that we can attribute to remus. can we explain them? sure. but does that justify it? i personally don’t think so, but others can obv disagree. remus wasn’t thinking of tonks or baby teddy or harry when he offered to accompany them, no matter how much he tried to spin it that way and i think that lying (to both others & himself) is v characteristic of his personality throughout the whole series. he’s a serial manipulator and no one’s safe from it, not even him.

(i’m reading this and it’s so rambly gosh. i hope some of it made sense?)

[jamesunderwater]

I've been thinking about this post a lot today so the fact that it came back up on my dash with more additions feels like ~a sign~

I think the decisions Remus made re: Harry make sense for his character (see below), and in many ways can be sort of...value neutral? Or at least, don't have to speak to whether or not he's a "good person." Obviously if we compare it to how Sirius handled things, it casts Remus in a really negative light, but at the end of the day I think it made sense for who he was and that isn't necessarily good or bad. It just is. And it sucked for Harry, who could have had much more if Remus were a different person, but Remus isn't. So Harry didn't have more.

Because I think the core component of Remus' personality that drove most of these decisions is his deep self-soathing - because for as loving, and kind, and gentle as someone can be, if they despise themselves (particularly to the extent Remus does), it is going to lead them to hurt the people that care for them. Self-loathing like that is ultimately a deeply selfish trait, and I think we see that in Remus. He is a loving person, but he values himself so little that he truly thinks he makes life worse for the people around him - and probably truly believed he would make Harry's life worse, as well. I think he blamed himself for what happened to James, Lily, Sirius, and Peter, and in some ways felt he deserved the "punishment" of being ostracized by society, barely getting by, so didn't really put any effort into trying to make a different existence for himself. (Noting, of course, that this may have been largely impossible anyway - but the point is that he didn't even think he deserved anything better.)

I wonder if during that time he came to convince himself that James would have been better off never becoming his friend - that they all would have. And so he distanced himself so much from the person he was with them - someone who was loved and loved others back, who actually connected with people - to the point that when he met Harry, those didn't feel like memories that were his to share. He didn't feel like he deserved to be the person to tell Harry about his father. And of course this isn't one dimensional. We see him enjoy the map when it makes fun of Snape, we seem him easily connect with Sirius again, all of that. But when it came to Harry, I think he felt so much guilt, ultimately had made so much of it about himself, that he wasn't able to really see the boy in front of him and what he actually would have benefited from.

[This aspect of his personality is confirmed in how he handles Tonks getting pregnant; he so deeply believes his wife and unborn child are better off without him that he thinks the "right" thing to do is to abandon them to fight a war. I don't think it's a difficult stretch to assume he felt the same way about the Marauders, and therefore Harry.]

tl;dr Remus needs major major therapy and it doesn't make him a bad person that he didn't have it; but it does make him a hurtful person at times a lot of the time.

The marauders in Harry's mind are called James, Sirius, Lupin, and Wormtail

[heloisedaphnebrightmore]

Congratulations on reaching a new milestone! So so proud of you! 💜

May i request a little blurb? I came up with my own prompt, I hope that's okay.

Sirius + "Don't make a girl a promise, if you know you can't keep it" 💜

Thank you, lovely ^^ I don't mind writing for your own prompt, so don't worry :D Though I hope you don't mind I decided on the place since you didn't add that to your request :) Also, this is probably not what you imagined, but I like to twist things around and I kind of ran away with it :D

Unbroken promise [Sirius Black x Female!Reader]

Published: 1 September 2021 Word count: 0.9k Author: Heloise Daphne Brightmore Prompt: "Don't make a girl a promise, if you know you can't keep it"

One whole hour. 60 minutes. 3600 seconds. That's how long you have been waiting in front of the little muggle restaurant Sirius promised to take you to. But he was nowhere to be found. After all the week-long missions he had to attend, you just wanted to spend some quality time with him. You knew the war was closing in on you and you couldn't be selfish enough to take Sirius away from what could potentially save millions of people, but you needed him too.

A sudden voice calling your name made you jump, awakening you from your thoughts. Looking over your shoulder, you found Remus standing behind you, his face pale, almost grim. As if your heart could process what your brain couldn't just yet, it started raging anxiously.

"What are you doing here, Remus?" You asked, but he didn't answer. Instead he offered his hand to you, waiting for you to take it. A deep frown spread across your brows as you tilted your head, questioning the meaning of his presence, his gesture, his exhausted gaze. Your heart fluttered uneasily, uncertainty settling in the pit of your stomach. You knew something wasn't right. Heaving a heavy sigh, you accepted Remus' gesture and placed your hand in his palm, letting him drag you across the street to a dark alley. Before you could have even objected, he apparated with a strong hold around your hand, not daring to lose you.

Within seconds you found yourself at the Order's headquarter. Your frown grew deeper as you looked around, studying your surroundings. "What are we doing here, Remus?" Without a reply, he simply led you inside the house, pulling you up the stairs, before he halted in front of a black, wooden door. You were tired of the silence, the secrecy, you needed answers, but once Remus opened the door, you wished you didn't ask for them.

The room was barely lit by the dim lamp on the nightstand, but you couldn't have mistaken the person laying across the king-sized bed, his head wrapped in a white bandage, his eyes shut tight as though he was battling against the pain. Your legs led you inside, even before you could have realised.

Taking a seat on the edge of the mattress, you reached for his face to brush away a lock of black, silky hair, damp from sweat and tucked it behind his ear, whilst gently holding his other hand. Your heart thundered under your ribs, your own skin feeling tighter than usual. Seeing the love of your life injured, unsure of his condition made you feel useless. Without realising your own tears, they slowly escaped down your cheeks, leaving a trail of proof of their existence.

"Is— is he going to be okay?" You asked Remus in a hushed whisper without looking away from Sirius, your voice shaking regardless of trying to sound strong.

"Yes, it's nothing major," he said, earning a simple nod from you, accompanied by a relieved sigh.

Sirius stirred under the heavy duvet, a silent groan leaving his lungs. His lushes fluttered once, twice, before his eyes focused on you and a soft smile spread across his paler than usual face. "Hey," his voice was strained as though he was screaming for hours. His gaze moved to Remus who still stood in the doorway, but once his eyes met Sirius’, the door shut and Remus' receding footsteps echoed from the corridor.

"I hate you," you whispered weakly, your words more of a plea.

But he understood, his smile unfaltering. "I'm fine," he reached up to your face and cupped your cheek. "I'm alright."

"I still hate you," you repeated, relief-filled tears sliding down your face. "You promised to take me out on a date. A date that would take my breath away," you murmured, unwilling to raise your voice, fearing it was a dream to have him beside you with what seemed to be only a minor injury.

"I did, I'm sorry," he replied with a pained expression.

"You are a liar!" You said as tears continued to roll down your cheeks. "Don't make a girl a promise, if you know you can't keep it," your voice hitched. Sirius attempted to push himself into a seated position, but your hands stopped him, gently forcing him down. "Don't you dare move. You need to rest," though you were meant to be stern, your words were nothing but a plea.

"I didn't mean to break my promise," he shook his head.

"You still did, so I'm going to give you one more chance,” you sniffled, waiting for a reply.

"Anything you want, love," his voice was soft, a gentle smile dancing in the corner of his lips.

"Good, because you’re going to have to promise me a lot,” you pouted as you wiped the remaining tears from the corner of your eyes. “Promise me that you will always come back to me. Promise me that you will live for me. Promise me that the next time we plan to do something together, it won't be Remus coming to get me just to tell me you're— that you are—," you couldn't even finish the sentence.

"I promise you. I promise you I will come back to you. I promise you I'll fight just to see that gorgeous smile of yours again. I promise you I'll come home just to wrap my arms around you, to show you that I'm still here and I don't intend to ever leave you," although they were only words, you believed them. You needed to believe them.

"I still hate you," you whispered as you buried your forehead in the curve of his neck.

"I love you too," he chuckled, pressing a soft kiss on your head.

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