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schismusic · 2 months ago

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In the shadow of the horns: meditations on Team ICO's works – 1. Shadow of the Colossus

[DISCLAIMER: Since I cannot assume you people are all in the know and have played the game like five times, have gotten every extra item and found every last secret location, got all the achievements on the PS3 and PS4 versions of the game, have taken all seventy-nine steps to enlightenment, and are so obsessed with intersecting points that your bedroom wall looks like a re-enactment of the Pepe Silvia conspiracy theory, I have to tell you that the following article includes HEAVY, HEAVY, OH-SO-HEAVY SPOILERS for Shadow of the Colossus. Reader discretion is warned.]

[DISCLAIMER 2: you can absolutely bask safely in the knowledge that I have not done any of the things listed in the first disclaimer. I mean, I have played the game more than once, the first time on PS4 and the second on PS2. Whatever.]

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It has at this point been a good five years or so since I'd last played the Team ICO games, so as I went to dust off my ol' trusty PlayStation 2 Slim I got reminded of how the world is a fucked up place and decay exists as an extant form in life, by way of the PS2 no longer reading discs. I mean, nothing I can't fix with a 1mm x 1mm square of duct tape or some isopropyl alcohol in the best case scenario, but I wonder: for fuck's sake, did it have to be now? At any rate, I decided to bite the bullet and finally download PCSX2 so I can play the games (and I promise, the BIOS and game ISOs are all mine, so no piracy involved this time). Playing these particular games on a PC feels especially weird to me, in that I can see the blocky ass graphics meant to be seen and blend in on a CRT in all of their squared glory, but not even that is immersion-breaking or ruins the aesthetics – which is a testament to the strength of the team's art direction and design philosophy. This is especially true considering I'd only played the PS4 Shadow of the Colossus before.

Since I can already hear the raging crowd under my window, let me clarify before I get drawn and quartered by an angry mob of PS2 purists.

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I did, of course, get my first exposure to Shadow of the Colossus when it was but a humble PlayStation 2 technical marvel (and, later, a PS3 remaster of that same PS2 technical marvel). It was, in all likelihood, through an unofficial PlayStation magazine that was published here in Italy – even though the original format was technically bought from a Spanish publisher – by the name of PlayGeneration. I was always one console generation behind the rest of the world around me, so the magazine allowed me to stay in touch with new technological developments and new titles coming out. I ended up remembering the original critical reaction to, I don't know, your Deus Ex: Human Revolution or your Dead Space or even your Yakuza 4 (which was actually my first exposure to the series, about fifteen years before I actually got to play it myself) better than the actual games themselves, in a lot of scenarios. But what this magazine had, especially, was a whole two-page spread in every issue where they re-reviewed a number of PS2 games, usually showcasing relatively hidden gems – one that stuck with me particularly was their review of Xenosaga Episode I: Der Wille zur Macht, a game that I went on to never play due to my absolute ineptitude at JRPGs. Every issue also included an archive of their older reviews, which for the longest time would reserve a cute little half-page to PlayStation 2 games, with the editors' definitive scores and one-sentence opinions on them. Among these was Shadow of the Colossus, 92 out of 100. I was fascinated by how, well, plain and effective the title was – a non-descript sequence of words that tells you nothing and, as I would later learn, still tells you everything you need to know about the game.

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Symbolism of light and shadow, stories that seem to be coming out of children's books (it's always fascinating and, admittedly, quite funny to recall that the original Japanese title of the game is ワン��と巨像, "Wanda to Kyozou" i.e. "Wander and the Colossus"), a unique capability of striking the player in the teeth with a sense of anemoia welling up from somewhere deep within. A friend of mine who's currently playing ICO for the first time mentioned a great emotional response on his part upon revisiting the prison area of the castle – considering exclusively gameplay time, this is a place you're only shown once, about five hours before you come back to it. To better define this feeling for the purposes of this piece, I decided to replicate the closest thing I could achieve: nostalgia. Specifically, I pulled up some old articles I wrote for a gaming blog I helped run between the years of 2020 and 2022, re-read my old impressions of these games, then realized the more I read those (quite pitiful) articles, the more I was thinking "fuck, why don't I just play these again?", which of course led me to what I was saying at the beginning of this article. Running in circles already, aren't I?

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One thing I will say: I still believe some of the points I made in those articles to be valid. Specifically, I like the idea of focusing on what the gameplay means. Story and lore analysis of these games is inherently encouraged by the games themselves and their presentation, and therefore way overdone, but I will recommend Leadhead's recent analysis of ICO as a metaphor for escaping an abusive household and Folding Ideas's classic on Shadow of the Colossus as "a game about letting go", as well as admit a certain fondness for the theory of the shared narrative universe as espoused and exposesd by Max Derrat. None of these things will necessarily be central to my own piece, but it's cool to have them, y'know? My main point will have to do with what the games themselves present as their case study. This means analysing and pointing out game mechanics, in and of themselves, as carriers of meaning and implications. As a consequence, for my own ease, I will borrow quite heavily from the old articles (the originals are in Italian, you can find them compiled here, and they are better read in order of release). Lastly, I had originally meant to make this only one article, but it seems to me like there's already enough material for me to stop yapping about methodology and start getting my hands dirty.

God's a short guy, you know, he started in the mail room and, y'know, worked his way up, invested well.

(Tom Waits, in this commercial for Franks Wild Years, directed by Chris Blum)

You're a short guy, as well: too short for your horse, anyway. You carry a special sword – which you stole – and a bow. There's a dead body bundled up in a big ass heavy blanket and you've got that with you, too. It takes a really long time and some seriously deranged route choices to get there, but what do you know – you're good enough to reach the Forbidden Lands, a land that is, well, forbidden, so you probably shouldn't be there. There's a creature, unseen, shouting orders at you out of a window that physically makes no sense architecturally, in two different voices. You have to destroy the statues on this temple's wall, but you can't do that directly, so you have to repeatedly stab gigantic, half-rock-half-flesh creatures that can and will swat you off their back like a mosquito. Only then you'll be able to bring this girl back to life – despite her cursed fate, and the fact that you're in a place called the fucking FORBIDDEN LANDS, and the fact that it hurts more and more to breathe with every colossus you beat.

Every core mechanic in this game is a display of strength: to hold on, to stab, to eat. As Mono – that is, according to the manual in the PS2 version of the game, the name of the girl whose corpse you brought here – cannot, in all likelihood, want anything anymore, it's safe to assume that all of the actions you, the player, undertake in the game are to be understood as the explicit will of Wander, the protagonist. This is a relevant distinction to make. Wander is not you, you are not Wander: why else would he refuse to jump off cliffs, or hesitate when you push him off of ledges? I've always liked thinking about Team ICO's work as a sort of hyper-stylized version of what games like Another World or the original Prince of Persia for the Apple II (even though Fumito Ueda probably played the Amiga port of the game, all things considered). Seeing it this way, the more evident influence these titles have had on Team ICO's game mechanics lends itself quite well to what I'm trying to say. The Prince and Lester Knight Chaykin are both painstakingly animated, frame by frame, in order to achieve a lifelike quality, but where both Jordan Mechner and Éric Chahi attempted a crude imitation of rotoscoping by frame-advancing VHS recordings of themselves or other models and model figures, Ueda and his team usually turn to hand-animation of their characters (or, in particularly bonkers cases like The Last Guardian, write up an algorithm to calculate feather motion in real time and burn a hole through your PS4). This seems to me like Ueda & Co. might be more interested in lifelike behaviour, as opposed to lifelike movement, and as such may be trying to conjure up a more psychologically driven type of narrative experience. And like all the best character pieces, there's usually very little people to deal with.

Let's look at it, and to do so we have to delve into spoiler territory, so reader's discretion is advised.

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Agro, the only conventional living being other than Wander throughout a good 99% of actual game time, is a literal horse. As such, she does right by you, by virtue of you being, for whatever reasons you can think of, crucially important to her. Seriously, somebody else has already pointed it out: why is Agro so much bigger than Wander? Is it perhaps because they just happened to grow together and ended up adapting to one another, in ways more organic than getting a horse assigned to you by height? Judging by literally every single minute of game time, the two of them seem almost telepathically locked into each other's thoughts, and Agro goes so far as to allow herself to get killed (functionally speaking, at least: there's a reason they shot broken-legged horses in Western movies, and that reason is it hurts like a bitch and the horse simply never fully recovers for that, at least not with veterinary techniques from the eighteen-hundreds) in order for Wander to fuck off and turn into Dormin. Speaking of which, Dormin are the only other character who speak to Wander for a good 99% of cutscene time, and their only motivation seems to be coming back to this godforsaken earth to wreak havoc on those who sealed them – Emon and his guards, who also seem to be mostly interested in fucking you up specifically so that Mono does not get resurrected. Then again, who the hell asked Mono what she wants? I'm not exactly in the habit of directly asking questions to the dead.

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…okay, I was lying, considering what my last two long-form posts were about. But I guess what I'm saying is: Wander is literally the only person who intentionally refuses to be open about his motives. Sure, he wants to resurrect Mono. But why? Had they ever met before she had to die? Did she openly express to him how she did not want to die? I hate myself for even considering this question, but what if her fate actually is cursed? How did Emon kill her, anyway – actually, did Emon kill her himself? What did Wander even do to steal the sword, since – considering Emon and his men literally rode all the way to a place they themselves have religious prescriptions not to defile – it must have been heavily guarded or kept in a secure area? A good number of the colossi are not aggressive unless provoked, too, so this means Wander intentionally goes out of his way to fuck with extra-planar powers beyond human comprehension. Ultimately: what if, beyond all the ad-catchphrase rhetoric of "how far will you go for love", this guy was just being a self-centered prick?

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It's as good a guess as any, really – here's a piece analysing Shadow of the Colossus as a trans allegory, for instance. But since it's as good, it's worth entertaining it. I also don't plan to present it as an inherent stroke of genius: not per se, at least. What I like about considering this game a metaphor about pulling your head out of your own ass is that – in a spectacular demonstration of understanding what the fuck you're talking about, the likes of which are unprecedented (and nigh-unsurpassed, apparently) in the gaming world – the game never hits you with the "YOU SHOULD STOP PLAYING TO WIN" argument. This is Wander's doing, not yours, which is why the guy goes to the Forbidden Lands in the intro cutscene, before you have any agency at all. Now this guy's stuck in this (stunning-looking) pimple in the middle of the planet's buttocks, where a dark supernatural force's physical manifestation has been torn asunder into sixteen rock-and-flesh mechas and it's his ass on the line to give the dark supernatural entity whatever the fuck they want, otherwise the lady won't be reborn and wouldn't that be awful?, but that also means that you are, essentially, just invited to sit in, scream at the screen for a good ten hours or so at this motherfucking idiot climbing moving mountains, and partake in Fumito Ueda and his gang's own study on negative interaction in videogaming.

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Negative as opposed to positive, of course – that would be The Last Guardian, which we will be talking about when I can be arsed to open up my PS4, drive the literal soot sprite motherships living amidst its circuitry out of the case, and then play the console-disintegrating performance-tanking game again. I swear I actually like that game, for fuck's sake…

Like I said, the game has mostly actions aimed at offense (admittedly you can, thank fuck, pet Agro both while standing next to her, and when you're on her back and she's standing still, which I think is actually a key mechanic to explain what The Last Guardian would later try to do), and it says a lot about Wander as a character. There is no contextual command near Mono, there is no interaction with any of the other animals in the Forbidden Lands (I think I saw a tortoise in the PS2 version a while back – did I dream it up?) that isn't hurting them or killing them or maiming them for your own personal gain or just as an accident on your journey to the next checkmark on the list or, potentially, just for shits and giggles. Essentially this guy barges in and destroys everything in his wake – including, whether he wants it or not, his sole companion. The immense irony of this is that Agro, essentially, sacrifices herself for some element of affection towards Wander: no special destiny, no sudden understanding of Wander's motives. Literally just the fact that this guy is her favourite human. But the game itself has to be taken to its gory, bloody end, through trials and tribulations, for it to reveal its actual statement on the matter.

Dormin is banished again in violence, the bridge pylons collapse by magic in on themselves as Emon and the guards make a hasty retreat out into civilised land. Wander is now a bawling, screaming horned baby – the first of his kind, some would argue: like a mark of Cain of sorts. But sure enough, the reborn Mono has no problem picking him up and, if we are to give credit to the special illustration in the Japanese PS3 re-release of the game, helping him grow into a healthy, beloved horned kid. And Agro, despite her broken leg, still finds her way back to the shrine of the cult, and climbs to the secret garden on top of the building, finding a fawn. An animal that means rebirth.

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#schismusic #schism writing #long form content #shadow of the colossus #team ico #video game music #fumito ueda #wanda to kyozou #Youtube

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dailycharacteroption · 1 year ago

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Fungal Pilgrim (Druid Archetype)

(art by Eugene Horyachkin on Artstation)

Ah, fungus, an often misunderstood and strangely wondrous and fascinating form of life. They can grow miles across underground with their mycelia network, yet most individuals assume that the reproductive bits that sprout up from the ground are the main body of the organism and not a fractionally small part of a bigger whole we never see.

Indeed, there is much about fungus that even in this day and age we do not know. There’s plenty of evidence that many fungi are at least somewhat aware of their environment, and many mycelia networks appear to be functionally immortal.

It’s no surprise then, that in a fantasy setting there would be those that view fungi as the ultimate life form, and seek to become more fungus-like.

As their name suggests, these fungal pilgrims are on a quest, though not one to any specific location, but they have a destination in mind: apotheosis into a fungal being. Some might be devotees of fungal deities good or evil, some may see it as a form of immortality, and some may simply think of fungus as a superior form of life. Either way, it’s not surprising that a class that has themes of transformation and becoming one with nature would have an archetype like this. However, this archetype replaces the wild shape that we are used to with a different, more permanent form of transformation.

The abilities of this archetype vary slightly based on whether they choose a bond with a companion or a domain.

If they choose domain, it must be the plant domain. Additionally, they can infuse fungal power into their summonings a few times per day. Whenever they summon a single creature, they also summon a second creature from the next highest summon list made of fungal matter, which has it’s advantages and disadvantages.

Alternatively, if they choose to take a companion, their companion slowly is infected by the transformation that these pilgrims seek, becoming a fungal creature that slowly gains the special abilities and attacks associated with such creatures like toxic blood or clouds of poisonous spores. The most powerful of these companions can even create fungal spawn from the bodies of slain foes, though these only last a few days before rotting away.

Close to the zenith of their power, these druids also transform into true fungal creatures, gaining the advantages therein.

Interested in a character other than a sorcerer or oracle that has a sort of late-game apotheosis? This archetype may be for you. The archetype makes major improvements to either summoning or the animal companion at the cost of wild shape, so either way you’ll likely want to take a more supportive role, though you yourself and your companion will prove especially tough in your own right as well.

This archetype can either be weird but otherwise just another way to seek perfection, or it might be insidious and horrifying. After all, is the character transforming into a fungus or being overwritten and replaced, and is there a difference. Also you can have a lot of fun describing their abilities, such as secondary summons tearing their way out of giant puffballs that spontaneously grow during the casting, or the foul, rotting form of your fungal companion.

The battle for the world of Makis is lost, the heroes are dead, and the planet (and all others in the same material plane) is being stripped of it’s resources and luxuries by a multiversal tyrant for their unchecked hedonism. However, hope remains in an unlikely place, for the Enclaves Below, where reclusive druids become one with the world’s mycelia network, ready for one last counterattack.

Recently, samsarans have come up missing from their communities, accompanied by a growing sense of dread among their kin. Those that suspect kidnapping are correct, for a cabal of fungal druids have been overtaken by a mutant fungal network that seeks to find a way to achieve immortality beyond even it’s perpetual existence, seeing the perpetually reincarnating souls of these beings as a possible answer.

The Millenium War left more scars on the land than just muddy battlefields and wastelands, for many weapons technological and magical were developed and deployed during that era. Now, one of those weapons, a living fungal disease, seeks to perpetuate the war, infesting fleshcrafted warbeasts and animated tanks for form an army of monsters. What’s more, some druids have begun worshipping the fungal mass, inviting it into their bodies.

#pathfinder #archetype #druid #fungal pilgrim #samsaran #animated tank #Heroes of the Darklands

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fraternum-momentum · 1 year ago

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Hi! Just came to your blog recently for the DOL but stayed for your art and just you, because you’re so fun to watch (not creepy at all :>)

Anyways, as a fellow artist, I feel you because I’m almost never satisfied with my art, but I found a way to kind of overcome it? This is just a suggestion, I can’t guarantee it works, but it works for me :>

If you don’t feel good about your illustrations, you can take a break from drawing, but taking a break from drawing doesn’t mean you have to take a break from art. Art comes in many forms, For me it’s collage digitally, and taking pictures of random stuff, if I feel old I even crochet dolls of my OCs and make ugly little shirts for them. The idea is that the joy of making things isn’t hung by a string but many strings into a net to catch our fall? if that makes sense lol.

Usually after doing this, I go back to drawing, and I’d find that I forgot how to draw, but after a little while it comes back, and I usually find my art a bit different from what it was.

I’m sorry for such a long ask, or if I come off as weird. I love your art and your humor vv much, the way you draw bodies is so appealing I feel the need to practice more anatomy so I can one day achieve the beauty of yours. I even started my own dol art blog because of you lol. I look forward to what you have in the future, but take all the time you want off to feel better and drink lots of water<3

I like to think I'm some kind of bacteria on a petri dish when you mentioned that you like to watch me LMAODAOD i didn't think i would be someone interesting to observe AWJHFA

But thank you for the suggestion !! I'm trying to look into more hobbies that aren't necesarily art ! I'm getting back into writing again and I've been planning out the story for the witch gf + killer gf idea because I eventually want to make it like a test trial webcomic? thing? So i can get a grasp on what it's like working on one, since I have a bigger personal project in the works. I'm also getting back into studying tarot again, which is p cool :]

Crocheting seems super cute tho 🥺 I really want to try it out ! The same goes for knitting as well !! I wanna be that one granny in the corner knitting little sweaters and scarves on my rocking chair (retirement goals fr)

I don't know when I'll get back into drawing again though, which is something that's been worrying me for a bit but it's probably just paranoia causing me to unecessarily worry abt things.

And don't apologize for sending a long ask ! It's not weird !! I like to imagine it as something akin to replying to a pen pal AHFBJ it's nice to learn abt you as well even if it's in anon :D And thank you for the compliment !!!! Anatomy is super fun to learn and i hope you grow to love it as much as i do :]] And I'm super glad I got you into making your own blog as well WAAAAAAAAAAA i hope you're having fun so far :DDDDD Also don't overwork and stress yourself out too much and stay hydrated as well 🫶

#i should post more studies and practices here since im notoriously bad at explaining shit #documenting my process would probably be better than trying to recall how i do things 💀💀💀#franswers

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theressomethinghappeninginparis · 1 year ago

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Okay so, a lot happened, I need to type faster and fill in my notepad quicker but I only have two hands. Short recap: weird Christian plant guy, I did some 6th grade chemistry on metals, and Luddick is an idiot. And I hope he'll never find this blog. Let me start with this: I am in Prague and found myself a room. I'm sorry not to be able to update as frequently, but there's so much stuff happening who can keep up with that...?

Transcript of the first and second page:

He's an ecert of Mueller's website. His newsletter is the funniest thing ever: "spread the work of the lord with science" and "how not to stay doomed" and "hello I made this website in the 1990s".

About the content, my notes are as follows:

He talks about his work being the one for the Lord and his "Master", which is, when you read further, a person we already know.

Talking about Eve and how she doomed the planet, he looks down on "mortals" and thus thinks he is immortal and claims these people dug their own graves.

He's fond of throwing people onto a stake it it gets him to his Christian world any closer. Apparently he's lost it.

There we are, the Golden Lion! That's Eckhardt, who has been around " a long, long time". He works with him to achieve at least immortality to break Eve's "spell".

Uhm yeah apparently cliamte crisis is his own work since he is just so, so good. He's batshit narcissist and I'm glad not to have met him.

Mueller is in Eckhardt work- and also fanclub and if everyone in there is just slightly like him, Lord have mercy on me. And Lara Croft. And perhaps Kurtis Trent if he's alive and after them, too.

Transcript of the third and fourth page:

The main thing here is that I re-read my notes again, on Eckhardt's Sanglyph, the metals he is harvesting, and the ones he had hidden in the paintings. Something was weird about the metals and I wasn't sure why. Then I read about cobalt, nickel, copper, zinc and gallium- the names of the metals today. They are close in the periodic table, and since the alchemist needs a lot of them in a purified form, they are hard to get by for a normal person. What I conclude is the following: he wants to use cheap copper to do alchemist chemistry and turn them into other elements, something we normal people can only do with bombing atomic cores. If he manages to do that his way to using the Sanglyph and becoming the Golden Lion is way easier.

Transcript of the fifth and sixth page:

So, my internet friend "PassionforResearchion" calls herself a scientist and has a passion for biology, plastic and medical surgery. She also loves genetic mutations, especially working with animals that can regenerate- I'll spare you the photos of her work. She seems to work well with Muller, though- she uploaded a picture of someone looking a bit like da Vinci's man, but in her notes she claimed this was "the Master". Who, if she means the same one as Muller, has to be Eckhardt. The figure looks like it has enhancements on its body and a chest plate with a glove(?) and something within its heart. Did she do this to him?

I'll annoy Luddick to talk to me again, and can maybe use my contacts. Or my fake ones. I need the dossiers if they're worth anything ang get a visiting pass to the Strahov, I think they're doing more than just research on Nephilim and plants.

Transcript of the seventh and eighth page:

I found Vasiley's art gallery, I found it through the mails of Carvier and von Croy. When asked about Vasiley, they wonderef how I couldn't have possibly heard of his death. After some talk they handed me a newspaper with an article that I took a photo of:

he died in his private rooms (house?)

the Russian mafia is supposed to be involved (not the Czech)

they were after the paintings

someone at the newspaper suggested the Montrum from Paris came here to murder him (he had ties to Werner and Cervier)

the Police keeps quiet.

I need to find his adress and check his place out.

Transcript of the ninth page:

Ha, you will never guess whom I saw outside my hotel window! Just now! This guy. Fucking Luddick himself with an old red car and papers on the roof. He left for a smoke, I assume...yeah I totally didn't steal them. I did not. But I took snaps of the dossier of whatever I found important and left for my hotel room. The luck is with the idiots, and I am one of them.

I'm examining the dossiers right now. I have five photos on people and want to gather information on them as much as I can. Stay tuned, for I will try to get into Vasiley's place if I'm able to. Another crime scene to check out, can't wait to have my background check at some point!

#tomb raider angel of darkness #traod #classic tr #tomb raider #angel of darkness #journal #aod #tomb raider series #lara croft #classic tomb raider #kurtis trent

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euphoricfilter · 1 year ago

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hi hi :) quick question but what’s ur thoughts on those ai photos of bts that are trending on tt rn?

i have sort of mixed feelings?? though probably lean towards the dislike of it all more than being for it. first off, i don’t think realistically most of the ones that have come on my tiktok are harmful, though a few of them have come close to being scarily real and that is slightly worrying

i don’t know if they’re meant to be like photos or drawings or what?? a few i’ve seen i think are meant to be like photo shoots, which are the ones that always have me 🤨 because i think i’ve missed something. but a lot of the sci-fi ~ fantasy ones look more like digital art than photos

i don’t entirely agree with ai ‘art’ or media, be it writing, music, digital art, deep fakes, photos, whatever form of media we consume as people. simply for the fact that i believe humans will always do it better. plus, having that sort of unfiltered freedom is all fun for some people but can be dangerous if given to groups that have malicious intentions. which is scary part.

sure, a computer can write fancy words, probably come up with a full plot and have it written in minutes but it lacks the human empathy, and emotion, and experience. same with ai art, or photos. behind every art piece, either with traditional media or digital, there’s intention behind every choice made, what textures to use, placement, hidden mistakes that have been covered up but still a secret behind what lays on top. and no matter how good ai becomes at replicating stuff like that, i don’t think it’ll ever truly compare to human talent. that doesn’t mean i don’t think it can’t be a useful tool if you ever find yourself in a rut and want some form of guidance, or a new perspective on a question or topic to help you achieve your art in a way you’re happy with

as for the photos that have been on tiktok, i think maybe it’s important to label that it is ai generated if you desperately want to create and post photos like that. some of the ones i’ve seen are obviously fake, a lot of fantasy mixed with bts which when you first look at it you can tell isn’t real. however there have been a few that have looked a little too real with no disclaimer that they aren’t real photos. i say i have mixed feelings because i know the people that are posting that kind of stuff are just playing around, however, ai as whole, in terms of this topic i’m very iffy towards, and i’m sure it’s a topic that a lot of people will start to talk more about now that ai is very prevalent within both online and offline spaces in school or work, probably anywhere at this point 😭

i have similar thoughts of ai voice generation too, it’s kinda weird and kinda dangerous. because again, it’s fun for people to make their favorite singers do covers of other artist’s songs. but that doesn’t mean groups of people who have less than innocent intentions can’t also have access to these tools to spread a narrative that is entirely false

ai art ≠ art. they’re not the same thing!!! and will never ever be equals in my eyes

however i also don’t think there is a need to feed a computer the faces of bts and made it shit out a ton of funky, sometimes weird art? photos? whatever it’s meant to be. because somewhere down the line that’s gonna lead to some mean people doing some mean things

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yvesdot · 2 years ago

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i would like to get you started on how it relates to save the cat

(re: this post)

Oh my gosh you are so sweet and you always ask the best questions... Thank you! I'll copy here something I said in a Patreon post a long time ago, which I find myself frequently repeating:

I find that a lot of people, having never heard of a single writing rule, strongly believe that they are ‘breaking’ them. And, sure, that may well be true—but they are breaking rules as a child breaks a Ming vase, not as an adult cuts out images and words for collage. You have to know what you’re breaking, how to break it, and (most importantly) why. You will only achieve this by learning the rules.

It is my fervent belief that you must be in good company to make good art. This can be the company of a song you love, a landscape that warms you, a book that knows how to make you laugh. These will teach you your rules: that you love violins in pop choruses; that your favorite colors are lavender and sable green; that, in order to get a rise out of you, a joke has to really surprise you.

If you go on to form a band, or paint a painting, or write a book, you will have Rules to live by. They are your rules, learned definitively from your experience, and ready if necessary to be changed. Nobody else need believe in them. You know they are true for you, and you can only write for you—after all, being you, you are the only person you can please with 100% certainty.

I also strongly believe that everyone should have the opportunity to learn others' Rules—the Rules of their family, the Rules of their teachers, the Rules of their favorite authors, and so on and so forth. These should be Rules which are known, not necessarily followed—again, one should adopt Rules with care to one's personal tastes and as needs be.

The active destruction of any culture outside of an assumed pan-Western white somethingorother makes all of this difficult. You can sit through a hundred Marvel films and still not know how or why they work, the same way you could be told "the only timekeeping device that exists is a mantel clock" and not be any closer to understanding how a mantel clock works—let alone if that's even the clock you need.

Admittedly I'm coming back to love and joy and harmony again, but, well, how is anybody going to make good art without love? Love for other people, love for the world, love for other books, love for yourself—I'm not picky on what kind of love, but so far, every book I've enjoyed has known love, however subtly.

Personally, I love Save the Cat!. It is a ridiculous book wherein one man decides his Rules are everybody's and the only things worth loving are the things he loves—which he loves A LOT. He is insufferable. His Rules are often not just not my taste but objectively, provably wrong. It's like my family who, yes, would do well to accept that I simply do not want a tech job, but are kind to be there to advise me if, all of a sudden, I do. Everyone should have the opportunity to learn information; without that, how can they discard it?

So when Weird Al is sitting down to study the exact rhyme scheme and writing style of a given song, he's setting and following his own Rules. In a given parody the song must follow as closely as possible X Y Z elements; in this specific song, those elements are identifiably A B C. When we enjoy his work, we're appreciating the effects of those Rules: the limitations that, conversely, free his art.

So what I was thinking, ineloquently in the tags, was about how much I love rules and how I wish we could see the joy in culture and tradition and structure on a larger level the way that we see it in individual artists' work. Rules are not the devil. All rules are not to be hated and feared. I'm typing this out after two nights of Seders—rules up to the ceiling! My beloved Save the Cat! is not a prison to which I am consigning my critique partners. It's just my, and Snyder's, and a good many other peoples', Rules.

It didn't fit anywhere else in this post, but I really wanted to say it, and you're always very nice and enabling, so I'll say it right here, and in a way which is not meant to prioritize any one kind of love and merely to value intimacy as whole. Alright? Here it is. The very best rules are like undergarments: they flatter your form, are not immediately visible, and can be best shown off to those truly ready to appreciate them—as the ultimate act of love.

#FANFICTION/COPYRIGHT ESSAY IS STILL HAPPENING BTW IT JUST GOT SIDETRACKED BECAUSE IT'S LONG! Thank you for sparking that one as well...#txt #asks #important writing updates #yves talks #writeblr #writing advice #writing tips #Oh and don't start counting how long it's been since the seders. I am very much behind.

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ourstaturestouchtheskies · 2 years ago

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so I've seen this floating around and wanted to share my thoughts.

before I start rambling, a disclaimer that although I have a bit of familiarity with Italian renaissance art, it is by no means my specialty

first: yeah, this is so fucked. fuck ai "art" forever

but let me expand on this a little. technically there *might* be a "rest of the mona lisa," but that's only because it's been cut down slightly over the years and thus is a bit smaller than the original. however, the trimmings were quite small, and there was never a full landscape painting in the back. as far as we can tell, the biggest elements of the painting that were lost were two columns on either side of the sitter, further suggesting her location as being on an outdoor loggia. of course, this shitty ai reconstruction doesn't recreate those, since it is not attuned to the actual art. again, fuck ai "art"

okay now let's talk about Leonardo's unique style. a word frequently associated with Leonardo is "sfumato" which essentially describes the hazy quality in many of his paintings that he achieved by the blending of paint. this technique was really only made possible by the invention of oil paint, since it remains wet on the canvas much longer than its predecessor tempera. because of this, artists were able to manipulate the paint on the canvas more effectively, thus allowing for more blending of colors, more options for gradients of light and shade, and the kind of hazy atmosphere created by sfumato. this could never be recreated by ai, and looking closely at whatever was generated would reveal huge differences in texture, since you would not be able to see the actual handling of the paint, because there is none!!!!!! this completely defeats the point, because what makes it a Leonardo is his unique use of paint to create sfumato

next I want to talk about Leonardo's paintings - esp. the mona lisa - as self-contained worlds. in this piece, the sitter is deeply connected to the background landscape. most obviously, there's the use of a harmonious color palette and the use of sfumato that blends the whole work together, but there are also important details that really tie the sitter to the landscape. first, look at the curls of hair that fall around her face and the twisted piece of fabric draped over her shoulder. then look at the river that curves out from the foothills on the left side of the piece. the languid curves of the riverbed clearly echo those of her hair and the fabric. this happens again with the peaked folds of fabric on her sleeves and the ridges of the hills and mountains. there is this subtle echoing of shapes and forms that you might not consciously notice, but that still creates the overall unified effect of the painting. the longer you look, the more of these resonances you'll see, but that effect is totally lost in the ai version. sure, the mountain peaks off to the right might resemble the folds of her drapery but (a) that's only because it has replicated Leonardo's work and (b) it doesn't have the same effect of unity as in the original, since that weird mountain thing is so far removed from the figure of the sitter. ai might be able to replicate Leonardo's style of mountains to some extent, but it can never even get close to replicating the significance of that style and how it creates a tiny, enclosed world full of subtle parallels, because it literally can't think, nor can it actually create "art," it can only steal from others and copy their work

okay I know this is getting long (thanks for sticking with me if you're still here! ☺️) but we also need to talk about the art from a conceptual perspective. our boy Leonardo was not very good at finishing art and lost a lot of patrons because of it. remember that at this time, art was viewed more as a contract between an artist and a patron rather than as something the artist did as an expression of their own feelings or experiences. however, it seems that Leonardo viewed creating art as an ongoing process that had no real end, but instead involves continuous change. as I mentioned, this made many patrons unhappy, because Leo would rarely ever actually turn in a finished work to them. the mona lisa is one of those cases. in fact, the mona lisa seems to have been something of a passion project for Leonardo, something that allowed him to experiment and explore with his own style of creation. we know this because he still had this painting in his possession when he died in France, far from Italy where the original model for the painting lived and where Leonardo launched his career. the sitter never got her portrait, but with the state of the painting at Leo's death, she probably wouldn't have wanted it anyway. this is because Leonardo was constantly changing and adjusting the painting throughout his life. he carried it with him and made it almost a "thesis" on his beliefs about art creation, demonstrating that it is an ongoing process that requires constant change. as a result of this, the mona lisa becomes less of a portrait of an actual person, and more of a portrait of painting itself, an expression of what art could achieve and how Leonardo viewed that process as a lifelong project. the mona lisa seems to have been the only painting that he held onto for this long, and even in the state we see it today, he likely would not have considered it "finished," since it represented his own ever-changing journey of art creation. all I'll say about ai here is that it cannot possibly replicate this concept, nor can it invest the same kind of passion as an artist like Leonardo, and this just further proves that there is no "rest of the mona lisa," because in Leo's eyes, it is never truly finished

so now my points are a little less conceptual, but are more just things that I'm pissed about lmao. first, the color is of course, all wrong. the painting has darkened considerably over time as a result of many factors including buildup of dirt and the darkening of the varnish. because of its popularity and immense value, no one wants to clean it and risk damaging it, thus, the colors we see today are likely only a shadow of what they would have been when the painting was originally created. so if ai is so fucking smart, why can it only use the color palette as we see it today, rather than the actual colors of the painting? once again, it's because the ai isn't actually creating anything, it's just copying from the image it was given

next, this is honestly just a tiny thing, but bold of the ai to assume that the pale green/white section in the back of the original is actually just the base of a more distant mountain range and not the sky. like sorry what??

and my final petty complaint: what the fuck is up with those clouds??? those aren't Leo clouds!!!!!!!!!! where's the sfumato???? where's the hazy blending??????? the edges of those clouds are waaayyyyyy too well defined. ai out here like "oh look it's more of a Leonardo painting" and then puts some 19th century-ass plein air painting-ass clouds in the background. truly smh on this one

anyway, intense rambling rant over. thanks for reading to the end if you made it this far!!

essentially, fuck ai art forever

There is no ‘rest of the Mona Lisa’ - it doesn’t exist.

Tech bros fundamentally don’t understand art, and it’s why all AI art looks ugly as sin.

#charlotte speaks #charlotte talks art history #leonardo da vinci #mona lisa #the mona lisa #anti ai #fuck ai art #fuck ai

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thatanimewriter · 4 years ago

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figure skater s/o

➳ character/s: nanase haruka, ryugazaki rei, kirishima ikuya, kirishima natsuya

➳ warnings: reader is picked up (in natsuya’s)

➳ notes: i love these boys and ice skating

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› didn’t know about your sport until he saw you doing off-ice warm ups and drills

› you were practising axels and when he saw you spin perfectly and land without stumbling, he was confused

› w h y

› after about a week of seeing you do these weird spin jumps, he asked you about it

› when you told him you were a figure skater, he demanded you bring him to the rink so he could watch you

› you thought he was beautiful in the water

› but he thinks you are the second coming of jesus when he saw you skate for the first time

› how are you dancing so gracefully on pieces of metal

› it makes no sense

› with swimming, you can’t add little flairs, you just need to use the right technique

› with skating, he was fascinated by the different routines you knew

› he also liked the different costumes you owned

› 100% without a doubt comes to every competition

› if you’re aiming for the olympics, he’ll be delighted

› y’all can be famous and a power couple

› perfection

› this man truly believes that figure skating is an art form

› which it is

› he’ll come watch you train whenever he can

› and likes helping you put together routines

› rei also loves seeing your costumes for competitions

› sometimes he goes into the maths and physics of all your axels and loops

› he wanted you to try to teach him figure skating, but you told him he needed to learn how to skate first

› he can’t by the way

› he invited the swim club to one of your competitions

› they were all impressed, but were getting annoyed with rei’s constant comments

› especially haru and nagisa

› he will learn as much about your sport as possible so he can talk to you about it

› when he brings math into it, you want him to stop

› but in turn, you come to his swimming tournaments and championships

› so it’s a win-win

› you celebrate together when you both win your respective competitions and tournaments

› it’s a bonding experience, truly

› he found out when you first met, actually

› you go to the same university and he saw you walking past with your skates in hand

› you had the blade guards on, but he could still tell what they were

› and he realised you were in a couple of the same classes

› he’d seen you doing axels off benches and ledges and he was both concerned and curious

› he asked you about it during class once and he’d never seen someone so happy to talk about their respective sport until that moment

› he was very surprised that you invited him to your next competition

› but excited nonetheless

› he’d finally get to see what these strange exercises were for

› when you first came out with your costume, he was speechless

› you looked so good what-

› he was impressed to the nth degree and that was when he asked you out

› he comes to every single competition and you go to all of his

› you give each other lots of kisses regardless of if you win or not

› sometimes you participate in the other’s sport

› you’ll do some light swimming with him

› and he will just skate around a rink with you

› by far the loudest person in that rink when you win competitions

› everyone looks at him

› it’s so embarrassing, you always cover you face when he cheers really loudly

› he will pick you up and spin you around

› he can be on a phone call with nao, rin or ikuya for hours talking about your achievements

› and good lord has rin heard it all

› drunk natsuya gushing about you is already old and he’s had this happen twice

› natsuya has invited nao, rin and ikuya to your competitions, separately and as a group

› he will forever be the proud boyfriend

› and he feels so good when you come to cheer him on at his tournaments

› thankfully, he doesn’t couch surf when he’s in japan, he stays with you

› you both go on about your respective sports at dates a lot

› you’ll just be talking about your triple axel and toe loops

› and he’ll be sitting there like ‘wow, yeah, that’s really cool’

› to be fair, you do the same any time he talks about a race he had

› he still talks about his race against haru in middle school cause haru only wanted to swim free

› nao, rin and ikuya are desperate for you to just get married because for the love of god, natsuya can’t shut up about you

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gotnofucks · 4 years ago

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Choose

Written for @darkficsyouneveraskedfor Halloween Challenge! This is my first time posting here, so be kind 😊

Character pairing: dark!Steve x Reader

Summary: Steve realizes he can’t let you go when you’re stuck in a safe house with him.

Quote: I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched

Words: 4.1k

Warnings: Non-con (implied), non-con touching, blackmail, coercion, 18+ only. Please don’t read if you don’t like.

MASTERLIST

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The rain was falling in torrents and how you made your way through it you would never know. It was only September, but the rain made it much colder and you were so glad that you were in a car with heating on. Steve was driving almost blind and if it were someone else, you would be scared, but it was him and so you let yourself sink into the seat and relax.

“Take my jacket, you look cold” He said as he shot your slightly shivering form a sharp look.

You nod and reach behind to take his jacket and wrap it around your body. You do it without hesitation and with no question. Always so trusting and obedient, at least, when it came to him. You were small, in fact positively diminutive when it came to the super soldier sitting beside you and seemed to drown in his jacket. He smiled when he saw you, and you smile back at his cheeky look.

“How long until we get to the safe house? I am hungry.” You asked, wiggling in your seat.

“Not long. It’s right in the middle of this clearing. Maybe 10 more minutes”, He answered, reaching over to pat your knee in assurance.

“You’ve been there before?”

“Twice. Nat and I set it up just after we took down Shield and then later crashed here with Sam and Buck around 2 years ago. It’s safe and cozy.”

You hum and played with your fingers. It was only going to be the two of you this time. It didn’t bother you all that much. You would rather it be him than anyone else. Well, maybe Tony, but after him you liked Steve the best. You were one of the younger avengers, having been recruited only two years ago by Clint Barton. You used to work for a covert government organization IMF where Clint was undercover for a few years and seeing your talent with a gun and a computer, he had once asked your help in one of his Avengers missions where you met Tony Stark who immediately took a liking to you and trained you under him.

You worked as Tony’s tech girl, helping mostly with recon missions for a few months. Then Natasha started training you for field missions and low and behold, you were kicking ass with them for nearly 6 months now. You haven’t done very difficult missions yet, and not a single solo. Mostly you’re paired with Nat and Clint or, as this time, with Steve. Tony assured you he’ll let you do a solo soon, but always lamented that ever since you got outside, he missed his lab buddy.

You loved these small missions with Steve. He was always patient with you and taught you the drills but didn’t hold back. He would let you take the lead at times and was always proud of even the smallest achievement. At first when you had met, you had been kind if intimidated of his aloofness, but it didn’t take long for you both to bond over cheesy 40s music and your mutual love for art.

“Y/n, we’re here” Steve announced and got out of the car. You followed, grabbing your small bag and ran through the rain to the porch. It was like a getaway cabin and you were so glad you didn’t have to stay in some dingy hole. You wanted warmth, food, and a comfortable place to sleep.

Steve shut the door behind you and took off his wet shoes, putting them upside down near the door. You take off his jacket and your shoes too, grateful to be away from the squelching soles.

“There’s no fireplace” You observe with a pout, and Steve chuckled.

“Y/n, it’s a safe house. The smoke would let people know someone is living here. We don’t want that now, do we?” He gave you an indulgent smile and walked through to the kitchen, starting to unpack the supplies and food.

“But I am cold!” You whine, and for that moment Steve realized your age gap. He gestured for you to come to him while he put the water to boil and you slowly approached him with small steps. Once you are in front of him, he looked at your damp hair and clothes, thankful that his jacket had prevented you from getting too wet.

“You cold, huh?” He asked, hooking a hang around your waist to pull you against his chest. You stumble and steady yourself with both hands against his massive shoulders, your head a couple inches below his shoulder.

“Yeah” You moan, wrapping your arms around his body. “How the hell are you always warm, eh?”

Steve chuckles again and continues to cook while hugging you with an arm around your body. This closeness isn’t new. He would never admit it, but Captain Steve Rogers is a serial cuddler and you are his favourite cuddle buddy. He would cuddle you on the couch during movie nights, he would cuddle you after returning from a tough mission and he would cuddle you when you get your period. Steve Rogers was your best friend, and you felt safe with him. But you didn’t know Steve Rogers wanted to be more than just your friend. He wanted you with him when he went to sleep and when he woke up, he wanted you when he cooked and when he took a shower. No, you had no idea that the National treasure of America was in love with you.

It wasn’t like he was hiding his feelings. He just never came out and said them out loud. Steve often believed that actions spoke louder than words and so he tried to tell you his feelings by doing little somethings for you. He learnt to make your coffee exactly the way you liked, he watched the movies you liked and read the books you read. He learnt to cook vegetarian dishes since you despised any kind of meat. More than anything, he tried to get along with Tony. Tony was your protective big brother/father, and he loved you enough to scare off every man who ever looked at your way. You were the only one in the team to have rooms on the same floor as Tony and you both shared a kitchen. Steve knew that if he wanted you to himself, he needed to get on Tony’s good side. So, he bit his tongue when he wanted to snap and gave his go ahead to things he deeply disapproved of, just to have to build back the old trust. It worked out, since Steve was one of the only people who were allowed a mission with you.

“Will there be hot water for a shower?” You asked, body being warmed by Steve. He looked down at your face, full of childish innocence and stripped off every hardness after a tired mission.

“Maybe, but definitely not enough for both of us” Steve commented. The vegetable stew needed to simmer for a while, so he sat you both down on the worn couch in the living room, your head on his shoulder and his arm still around you. He had hoped you would pick up on his feelings, since having you this close did things to him. Your soft body fit so perfectly into his large one that he never wished to part from you. Maybe tonight would be that night.

“I’ll call Tony and eat. You take that shower and save me some hot water if you can.” You said and took out your phone to let Tony know you were safe and would leave for compound in the morning as planned. Steve looked at you walk away, speaking softly to Tony and wished more than ever that the rain outside would turn into a storm just to prolong your stay. He didn’t get to have you alone a lot at the compound. There were always other people around, always Wanda wanting female company or Peter following you around asking how you impressed Tony. He liked it here in this little cabin, cooking a meal for you after a hard day of work.

“Tony says to leave early tomorrow so we can reach home by lunch. He wants to take me to meet Stephen Strange” You say suddenly, breaking out Steve from his domestic fantasy.

“Stephen Strange? Why?”, he asked, frowning.

“Tony and him and doing some weird wizard-avenger collab in that Nepal place- what is it called, Kamartaj- for a few weeks”, you answer.

“What’s that got to do with you?” Steve asked, slightly irritated and hands curing into fists.

“He’s taking me along. Says he doesn’t want me away for so long. Also, this wiz, Dr. Strange, he’s apparently some kind of genius. Tony says I can learn a lot from him. But I think it’s just a ruse. I’m pretty sure they are dating, and he just wants me to meet him”, You say with a fond smile. Steve doesn’t smile or say anything.

Weeks? You’d be gone for weeks? That too in another country without him. He didn’t like that. He didn’t like that at all.

“You wanna go?” He asked in what he hoped was a normal voice. He wanted you to say no, wanted to see that hesitation in your eyes as you thing of being away from him for weeks, maybe months.

“Sure, I think it would be fun. I wanna see the Himalayas and maybe I’ll visit India too. I’ve got a pen friend there who I’d love to meet.” Your reply was so nonchalant that for a moment Steve just stares, and then he is angry. Here was a perfect chance for you and him to spend time away from the overbearing presence of Tony Stark, but you would rather see snow covered mountains and meet a pen friend in India? He’d only thought you were being a little oblivious of his feelings, maybe deliberately trying not to acknowledge them as you wanted to take it slow. But it seems like you…it seems like you felt nothing beyond friendship for him at all. After all those months spent hugging and laughing together, and yet you would rather choose Tony over him. A rage settled over him and he needed to clench his jaw and curl his arm tight around the back of the couch to stop himself from grabbing you and…and doing things he had rather not do.

“Take that shower. Leave your wet clothes outside, I’ll see what I can do with them” Steve said suddenly.

“You sure you don’t want a shower too? We’ve got layers of grim from crawling through that tunnel.” You asked.

Steve looked at you for a minute, eyes rowing over your small face. He took in the little acne scars you were so self-conscious about, your slightly chapped lips and those beautiful eyes that reared him in. He nodded.

“Yeah, you go on. I’ll see if I need one” He said and went to the kitchen while you left for the bedroom with the connected bathroom.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The bathroom was nicer than you had hoped, probably Nat’s doing if the products where anything to go by. You’d removed your wet clothes outside and stood naked under the stream of warm water, sighing with relief. It was a small mission but brutal on your body. It would have been heaven to have a tub in here, but safe houses were meant to be quick and effective, and this one was way better than others, so you didn’t complain. You were just going to wash your hair when the bathroom door opened, and Steve entered.

“Steve!” You shouted, hands covering your breast and turning so your back was to him. You looked at him with wide eyes, expecting him to sputter and leave but he stayed, eyes lingering on your ass a bit before meeting your eyes.

“Got any of that hot water left or have you finished all of it?” He asked, taking off his t-shirt and leaving his chest bare.

Your mouth opened in surprise as your backed yourself into the corner, trying to make sense of what was happening. Your best friend had just barged into your bathroom while you were showering and showed no signs of leaving.

“W-what are you doing, Steve?” You asked in a small voice, still covering yourself with your hands the best you could.

“Taking a shower. I told you we didn’t have enough water for two, so I thought I’d join you. You were right anyway, we are grimy.” He said and fumbling a bit, dropped his pants down too. You panicked, not understanding what was happening as Steve stood in his boxers, taking steps towards you.

“No. No no no no” You almost chanted that as a mantra, eyes going here and there, not knowing what to do. Steve reached your small body crowded into the corner and slowly, very slowly raised a hand to wipe away the dirty on your cheek. You started at his touch and quickly sidestepped, running towards the door. You didn’t know what had gotten into Steve, but you needed to get out of here. Now.

You’d taken only two steps before a hand wrapped around your waist and brought you back screeching to a hard chest, back against front.

“Stop. Steve, let me go. Please.” You said, your tears mingling with the water on your skin, one hand across your chest and other on his wrist trying to pry it off.

“No sweetheart, you need to take this shower. You’re dirty and tired. Come.” You hated his voice for being soft and soothing still, showing no indication of what he was doing to you. His voice was still your Stevie’s voice, calm, cool, a little commanding and full of affection for you.

“I- Steve, I don’t want a shower. Not like this, please.” You tried to break away, wiggling and crying but Steve didn’t listen and dragged you back and turned on the water again. You both were bombarded with hot water and stood under it for a minute before Steve turned it off again.

“Gimme that shampoo, I’ll do your hair.” He said, releasing you from his hold. But it wasn’t any good as you were blocked by the wall on your back and Steve at your front. You hadn’t turned around yet, but now you did. Sobbing, with thighs squeezed tight to hide you down there and hands inefficiently covering your breasts, you looked at him with betrayed eyes. You didn’t try running again. You knew his strength; you have trained with him. He could take you down in seconds.

“Why are you doing this? What is happening?” Your voice was small and broken, sending a pang through Steve’s heart. He loved you and didn’t want to hurt you, but you needed to see his feelings for you. He couldn’t risk you going away for months. He just couldn’t. His eyes slowly moved down from your face, taking in every inch of your body exposed, not touching, only looking.

“We’re taking a shower after which we will eat our food while we watch some stupid movie on that laptop of yours. Then, we’ll cuddle and sleep with you on my chest and tomorrow morning you will call Tony and tell him you won’t join him for his trip to Nepal.”

He was mad. He was insane, you were sure of it. Face burning with humiliation under his gaze, fire began sparking in your eyes. How dare this tall buff blond muffin think it okay to invade your space and demand such things from you? Just who the fuck did he think he was.

“No. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with you, but you need to stop. Get out, or if you want to shower, let me go out. I’m done with whatever game you are playing.” You sneered at him. Steve had to smile at this, his little spitfire. He didn’t really expect you to give in easily, that’s not the girl he knew and trained. You were with the avengers because you could handle stuff others would wet themselves with. You were strong and he knew that. But he was stronger.

“What’s gotten into me?” He asked, closing the distance between you so you were against the wall and caged by his arms on either side. His face was inches away and your breathing sped up. He looked cruel and menacing, the blue eyes you loved so much taking on a much darker hue. “You have gotten in me. You got under my skin and in my thoughts and in my heart. Now I want you under me.”

He bent down and you were sure he was going to force a kiss on your mouth but he surprised you by pressing his lips softly on your forehead like he did when you had nightmares or right before a mission. It was a kiss of reassurance and love, and somehow, that just scared you more. Whatever Steve thought he was doing, he believed it was driven by love. And when Steve loved someone, he loved them without abandon. If he went against everyone to save his friend, what would he do to have you?

“Steve…please…” You didn’t know what to say or what to do. You wanted to get away from him and cover yourself up to get some control back. You wanted to talk to him and forget this ever happened and get back your best friend.

“You have two options. First, we both take a bath right now. I won’t touch you where you don’t want me to, we eat, and sleep and you go back with me to the compound like a good girl and tell everyone we are together. Or..” His eyes narrowed here, “Or, I could take you right here, right now and make you mine with little option. I could rail you deep and hard so you will feel me deep inside you for days on end. I know you’re not on birth control and I have no condoms with me, so if you get pregnant, you best believe I’ll have you tied down to myself with a ring on that finger by the end of the month. The choice is yours.”

Your heart sank. You looked into his eyes, your whole body shaking and knees ready to give up. He was serious! He was absolutely serious, and you had no idea what the fuck happened. Just an hour ago you were sure he was the person who made you feel the safest, but now that sanctuary had been torn apart and some possessive stranger had taken its place.

“You’re insane. You’ve lost it!” You cry, sliding down the wall as your knees collapsed, folding your knees to hide your nakedness. Steve followed you down and wrapped his arms around your small form.

“I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched. You own me, my heart and soul. And soon, I’ll have you too. How that happens is your choice. Choose.” His tone bore no argument. You had just one card to play.

“Tony would never stand for it. He’ll find out, I’ll tell him and then you’ll be done.” You made your tone harsh and full of venom. You don’t know what you expected him to do, but it definitely wasn’t laugh. It was an amused chuckle, like a daddy who was indulging his silly daughter, full of patronizing hilarity.

“Sweetheart, you don’t think I have a plan for that? Even if I spend months bringing you flowers and singing love ballads from your window, he wouldn’t exactly be convinced. He isn’t exactly fond of me, is he? I had a plan in place for months. I didn’t want to have to use it honestly, I wanted you to come to me of your own violation. But I just thought as a back up plan…” You screamed as he suddenly scooped you up in his arms, still wet and naked and carried you out to the bedroom. He deposited you on the bed and gave you a towel that you hastily covered yourself with. You looked behind you and the door was locked. It wasn’t any use anyway; he could outrun you in his sleep.

Steve got his phone out and showed you the screen, making your heart drop. There were numerous pictures of you with your family and friends from the past two years. Not just those, pictures of you with your previous team, the IMF, Ethan Hunt, and others. How Steve got these pictures you didn’t know, but it scared you.

“Everyone, every single person in these pictures has a target on their backs. I have had a sniper after all of them for over a year, mostly just to keep an eye on you and to make sure you are safe. But don’t think for one second that I will hesitate to take them out. There is nothing in this world I wouldn’t do to keep you with me.” He sat beside you on the bed and putting a finger under your chin turned your face towards him. “It doesn’t need to be nasty, sweetheart. I don’t want to be the bad guy. I have never been one and you can keep me from doing anything drastic. All you need to do is convince Tony that you are the one who wants me. You are the only person he actually trusts, so you need to make it believable. He has denied you nothing, and if you come to him yourself and tell him you want me…well…no one has to die, do they.”

This was a nightmare. Everything that has happened to you today is a nightmare. You didn’t want to believe Steve would hurt anyone, but then you didn’t think him capable of forcing him on you either. If there was even the tiniest bit of chance that he could harm anyone of your friends and family…no. You couldn’t let that happen.

“Option one”, You whispered softly, eyes downcast and lips trembling.

“What was that?” Steve asked, turning your face up again so he could look in your eyes.

“I choose option one. We- We eat and sleep and I call Tony I won’t go with him. Then we can tell everyone we are together.”

Steve grinned, his happy grin that everyone said only you brought out in him. It unnerved you that a man you loved and respected so much was doing this.

“My good girl” He praised, and then he leaned down and pressed his mouth on yours. The kiss was gentle and soft, his mouth lazily moving against yours. If it were happening any other way, you would have enjoyed it. He broke away and looked at you with eyes that sparkled. “You’ll love me too, one day. I am yours, and you are mine.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

True to his word, you guys ate your dinner and watched a movie as you cuddled like you usually did at movie nights. Steve held you close, sometimes brushing his nose against the side of your neck or rubbing his hand along your sides. Afterwards, he laid down beside you, spooning your small body and holding it snug against his. He was warm, and you didn’t have anymore fight in you for today. The day was too fast and weird for you to process. You vowed to sleep now and to think of a way to get to Tony without arousing Steve’s suspicion. You weren’t ready to give up now.

You’d been asleep for only a couple hours before you felt cold air around your body. You woke up with a start and found yourself on your back, your t-shirt removed and Steve hovering over you, placing open mouth kisses along your bare chest.

“Steve! Steve stop!” You screamed, pushing against his chest. He looked at you with eyes blown wide with lust and taking your hands in one of his, he held them up while he tweaked your nipple with his other making you squirm. He bent down and swallowed your protests with a deep kiss, his tongue forcing its way inside your mouth and tasting you while he moaned.

“Steve please,” You were sobbing now, and trashing your legs which he held down with a strong thigh. “You…you promised. You said I get to choose. I chose option one”

Steve looked at you for a moment then kissed your cheek softly. Moving his hand between your thighs he murmured in your ear, “I’ve changed my mind. I can’t wait anymore”

#rooshalloweenficfest #steve x reader #dark!steve x reader #dark!steve rogers #dark!steve rogers x reader #dark!steve x you #dark!steve rogers x you #dark!fic

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ilooklikeaburntchickenugget · 4 years ago

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Addressing Lindsey

I really, really hate this topic a lot.

The fandom has been split forever over Lindsey. And here’s my take.

I’m the type of person where I believe love prevails over any emotion. It’s like overrule, the veto of emotions. There’s something so incredibly fascinating about love, true and genuine love. It’s a mystery until someone has found it, an unopened, untouched box.

That same box can open to a treasure chest of gold, and show the truest form of love. Or it can be Pandora’s box.

Yes, I believe Lindsey Way has many toxic personality traits. I don’t believe it is fair for me to classify her as a “bad person”, I don’t know her personally. However her actions lead me to believe she is definitely not a person to be necessarily fond of.

I’ve always been supportive of her and Gerard’s relationship, because (at least from what we can see) she makes Gerard happy. And after all that man has been through the very least he deserves is happiness and love. And he loves her, so I respect their relationship.

I’ve always had a very weird feeling about their relationship, however. Just the quick pace, and the events surrounding it. It just seems so calculated by her.

So Projekt Revolution starts, this is just post-Eliza breakup for Gerard. Yes, we all know she was also incredibly toxic. He was very possibly vulnerable, unsure what to do or where to go. And here comes up a woman who is ready to assist him through all of this.

We all know Gerard is highly emotional and empathetic, time after time in interviews he’s admitted it, other members of the bands have admitted it. Coming from someone with an EQ of 160 and an incredibly empathetic person as well, it’s easy to fall into the traps set up by other people. I’ve done it time and time again, but I’m still young and I know I can grow from those mistakes. So, he probably fell head over heels, not thinking too far in advance and thinking with his current emotions.

And what does she get in return? Gerard is an incredibly attractive man to begin with (I write fan fiction about him, lol, I would know) and MCR was practically on top of the world at that point. She’s a decently well known name in rock at that period, but marrying the cover of rock at that point would, well, boost you up quite a bit. Both as a musician, and in her art career.

I also want to truly mention the differences in the way they talk about one another. Basically every interview where Gerard talks about Lindsey he uses extremely strong and passionate language. When she talks about him, she does not. It almost seems bland, little to no emotion or tone.

Not to mention as well the 2008 Fuse interview pre-Madison Square Garden show where Gerard mentions how she flew out to see him play his dream show. No offense, but in a marriage with someone who you will be spending the rest of your life with, isn’t being there to see them achieve their dream the lowest expectation? He made such a big deal out of her flying out, which tells me she made a big damn deal about it to him, which is incredibly unfair lowering the bar for yourself.

Her lack of emotion isn’t only with interviews regarding anything with Gerard. In general there’s almost no tone to her voice, she has little to no range. Her facial expressions don’t range, and her fan interactions seem less than emotional. I know various people have various ways of expressing themselves, but in general she seems to have a lot less expression within her voice, facial features, and actions than the average person.

And don’t get me started on her incredibly public, and incredibly immature meltdowns. I think it’s so important to mention that Gerard has never once defended her, which shows that he knows enough to conclude that she’s in the wrong in these situations. Especially with the whole opossum post making fun of Frank’s car accident in 2016, not cool.

In general she gives me such a weird, very off vibe. It’s hard for me to research her interviews, recorded through video or just printed and try to say that she seems like a caring, good, sound minded person. I really think something’s off, and I don’t want to accuse her of anything because I find that unfair, but my gut feeling since I joined the MCRmy almost four years has always been that she has her own intentions behind marrying Gerard, and it wasn’t just for love.

So Gerard fell victim to the forces of love. And to me, this seems more of a Pandora’s box situation. It seems in their early marriage he was incredibly happy, the happiest fans had ever seen him. In Danger Days he regresses back to his days of abusing substances, and I’m not saying by any means it’s due to her, but lots of people have commented on how he looks more miserable since then.

And I think now that he’s a father, it only adds an additional string of some sort of obligation he holds to her. We’ve seem him talk about Bandit, explain how she was the main reason he chose to come clean and eventually end the band after, once again, finding himself in another down turn of misery.

I just can’t help but think that when the timeline of some of his decline again matches up with their relationship, and no I don’t think it’s a coincidence.

And some fans may argue with me all they want, and accuse me of pushing a false narrative. But with how open Gerard has been with his character and how closed Lindsey has been aside from her public meltdowns, I can’t help but think there’s something off about the whole thing.

I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again: The entire relationship to me sounds like a fucked up 1800s gothic novel. Someone falls in love with someone else, and true love is a permanent glue: You can try to pry it off all you want, the stains remain forever.

However you guys feel about this I hope what I’m saying here won’t affect your perspective or view on my writing, since that’s my main forte. I’ve just been seeing more people bring this up again, especially after she blocked a fan on Twitter for calling her out for BLM (since MSI does have quite a few highly racist songs and lyrics) so I think it’s important to at least express my opinions, whether people agree with them or not.

#my chemical romance #My Chem #my chemical gerard #my chemical gee #my chemical romance x reader #gerard way #Gerard and LynZ #mcr gerard

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whatwillyoudodifferently · 4 years ago

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Look, Louts! Lilies! - Yuri For A Hope-Flung Present and Hopeful Future

Look, I’ll be frank. I typically try to keep to a more formal tone when I write for this blog. I’m not in a formal mood. It is June October 2020, and I, like the rest of you, have been under quarantine for a little over three almost seven months now due to the Covid-19 virus. Throw in a eensy, teensy bit of massive political movements and change in response to police violence and racism, and an increase of police violence and racism in response to those movements, and I think it’s fair to say it’s been a tumultuous couple of months. Except, strangely, it also hasn’t been, because so much of this time has been characterized by ennui and isolation. Stressful, yet soul-numbing. In short, it’s been a very weird place to be in.

So, we’ve all found our different ways to cope. My sister’s way has been getting really into succulents(?), and my way has been buying digital manga and video games. I’ve finished stuff I’ve put off for literal years and bought stuff I had heard was good but wasn’t that hyped to get into. And somehow, the one thing I’ve really gotten into has been yuri?

Now, yuri has a very long and rich history, as well as its own sets of conventions and nuances, so it is with a great, great, GREAT deal of respect that I say that I’m going to simplify it for this essay as “Japanese media with a particular focus on romance between women” for brevity’s sake. If you want to know more, there’s actually quite a lot that’s been written about it in English, but I’m aiming this essay at English-speakers who have had at least a little experience with yuri and more than just passing knowledge.

Because you see, I’ve found that yuri fans have a lot of things to say about yuri! And a lot of those things really bug me!! “Yuri is only fetish quasi-porn written by men,” “yuri is only bland wholesome fluff,” “yuri is only high school drama,” so on, so on. It made me mad, but it also made me realize something: a lot of people simply must not know how big this field of lilies truly is! How else can we get people saying “yuri is oversexualized” and “yuri is sexless” as gospel truth? Something’s not adding up here, guys!

So, all that is to say I’m doing something different for this blog: I’m writing up a recommendation list of yuri. A large chunk of it will be stuff I’ve read and can officially give my seal of approval to, while some of them are just titles I’ve heard of that I think will interest others. All of them have been specifically chosen to counter common untrue things I’ve heard about yuri as a whole. I hope you can find at least a few things on this list that you will enjoy and help you keep your head as the encroaching darkness lurches yet a few inches closer!

1. “Yuri is all schoolgirl stuff! Where’s the sci-fi, the period pieces, the action, the fantasy?”

Otherside Picnic

What It Is: A light novel series written by Iori Miyazawa (illustrated by shirakaba). Ongoing, four volumes at time of writing. The story is being adapted into a manga by Eita Mizuno, and an anime adaptation directed by Takuya Satou will be airing in January 2021.

What It’s About: It was on her third trip to the Otherside that Sorawo Kamikoshi almost died, and it was on that same trip she was saved by an angel. Toriko Nishina is a beautiful and confident young woman who also happens to have intimate knowledge of the Otherside, a dangerous yet captivating world that Sorawo can’t help but being drawn to. Toriko convinces Sorawo to join her on her expeditions to the Otherside, fighting off bizarre creatures that have somehow been ripped out of Japanese urban legends and finding strange artifacts in order to make a little extra cash-- all the while keeping an eye out for someone dear to Toriko’s heart.

What I Think: Otherside Picnic is heavily inspired by the novel Roadside Picnic by Arkady and Boris Strugatsky and features several creatures and scenarios from ghost stories, net lore, and-- there’s no other way to put this-- creepypasta. On paper this sounds deeply unoriginal, so it’s pretty surprising that OP has an incredibly strong identity. The idea of fusing horror with a yuri love story excited me enough the moment I heard about it, so when I finally got to read it for myself, I was delighted to find that the horror elements and the romance elements are both quite strong.

I will say that thanks to the author’s commitment to following his sources of inspiration to the letter sometimes causes him to undercut his own writing (good example: in one arc there’s an ominous train that keeps being mentioned, causing the reader to dread its arrival with each passing page, but seeing what’s on the train will inevitably fall flat in comparison to the reader’s imagination), but those moments are made up by the more original moments-- the things that are left unseen and unexplained.

The place where the story truly shines is the relationship between the two leads. Sorawo and Toriko are great characters, both incredibly charming and deeply flawed, and they achieve a great chemistry with each other right off the bat. Sorawo is a very interesting protagonist, one who turns out to have a deeply tragic past that has made her into a reclusive, somewhat selfish young woman. What’s great is that Toriko, vivacious and confident, everything Sorawo isn’t, accepts this part of her, in a way. Toriko flat out admits she’s not looking for a particularly virtuous person to accompany her, but an “accomplice.” A big part of the appeal of OP is seeing these two “accomplices” bounce off each other, and eventually come to care about each other, all playing against a background of some genuinely spine-crawling horror. Otherside Picnic is a truly underrated series, and I deeply hope that the anime adaption next year will finally get it all the eyes it deserves (menacing phrasing very much intended).

Where To Get It: The light novels are published by J-Novel Club and can be found via various digital platforms and bookstores. The manga will be published by Square Enix Books starting May 2021. The anime will start airing on January 4th, 2021.

Goodbye My Rose Garden

What It Is: A manga by Dr. Pepperco. Three volumes, complete. It inspired a stage play that ran for a while in Japan, but not much information is available about it in English.

What It’s About: Hanako has two goals: to meet Victor Franks, the mysterious author who pens the books she adores, and to become a writer herself. Despite having the mettle to travel to England on her own to pursue her dreams, she soons finds that it’s difficult for a young, unwed Japanese woman to dream in 20th century London. However, her luck seems to turn around when she meets Alice Douglas, a noblewoman who offers her a job as her maid-- as well as a surprisingly warm friendship. Alice even offers Hanako a way to meet her idol… but at the price of a horrifying request.

What I Think: In the afterword of Volume 1, Dr. Pepperco openly admits that Goodbye, My Rose Garden was the result of them trying to marry all of their favorite tropes (“Victorian maids! Loads of frills! An English family manor!” are some standout items), and this is apparent in the best way possible. GMRG is a lush period piece that will likely appeal to fans of movies like The Handmaiden and Portrait Of A Lady On Fire, with loving attention paid to details like clothes and settings.

The relationship between Alice and Hanako is quite charming, with Alice supporting Hanako as much as she can while still taking every available opportunity to tease her, while Hanako constantly surprises Alice each time she shows her moxie and strength. It’s an adorable, sweet dynamic, yet a dark, melancholy weight lurks in the background in the form of Alice’s request-- in short, it’s a relationship that feels tailor made for me. Still, I believe this “darkness” never threatens to overwhelm the story, only enhance it in such a way that the reader will soldier on, hoping for a happy ending for our two leads. With an engaging plot and gorgeous art, this is a great manga for both longtime yuri fans and newcomers looking for an introduction to the world of yuri.

Where To Get It: Seven Seas Entertainment has translated the first two volumes, with the final one coming to English soon all three volumes into English.

Seabed

What It Is: A visual novel by paleontology, a Japanese doujin circle.

What It’s About: Mizuno Sachiko is a designer who is haunted by visions of Takako, her vivacious childhood friend and former lover. Narasaki Hibiki is a psychiatrist who wants to help Sachiko make sense of these hallucinations. Takako is… confused, trying to figure out why she keeps losing her memory and why she and Sachiko drifted apart despite being so close. Seabed is a story that spans the pasts and presents of these three women as they attempt to find and understand the truth.

What I Think: At first glance, Seabed seems simple, but it’s a bit of a hard story to explain. In a way, there isn’t much to explain-- it’s a very slow, down-to-earth story that gets almost tedious at times. I think it would be a hard sell to someone who isn’t used to visual novels, but I could imagine it being challenging even for fans. All I’ll say is this: if you give Seabed a chance, it will draw you into a surreal, gentle, melancholy tale akin to slowly sinking beneath the water of a strange, yet not unfriendly sea. For its simplicity, it’s got quite a few surprises in its long, long runtime, and any attempt to explain further will just ruin an experience that’s meant to wash over the reader over time. The only thing I’ll say is the one thing I think everyone knows: the climax will make you cry.

Where To Get It: Seabed is published in English through Fruitbat Factory and is available on Steam, Itch.io, and Nintendo Switch.

SHWD

What It Is: A manga by Sono. Ongoing.

What It’s About: Sawada is one of the few women working for the Special Hazardous Waste Disposal, and the only one in her office. But that changes when the stunningly-strong yet staggeringly-sweet Koga is hired, and the two become close in no time. Sawada trains Koga and soon the two go on their first mission to dispose of the “hazardous waste” left after a recent war… the dangerous, organic anti-human weapons known as the Dynamis.

What I Think: SHWD opens with several close-ups of Sawada’s arm muscles as she works out. I have found that page alone is sometimes enough to convince someone to read SHWD, and if not, pictures of Sawada and-- especially-- Koga are often enough to do the job. In all seriousness, what I love about SHWD can be summarized by something Sono said in an interview about the manga:

‘The first motivating force was "I want to write a yuri manga featuring strong women." I was very drawn to strong female characters by watching "PERSON of INTEREST" and "Assassin's Creed Odyssey." However, I felt that I should differentiate myself by doing something other than a "strong woman" and "weak woman" dynamic. So, I thought about coupling women with different types of strength. This is why all of the SHWD main characters are "strong women."’

It’s a mindset I love a lot. Koga is remarkably strong in a physical sense, but her mental fortitude is fragile due to her past experiences with the Dynamis, and as such, it’s Sawada who uses her immense mental strength to support her. Indeed, every character in SHWD so far bears intense trauma born of the Dynamis in some way, and it’s hard to see how their pasts still hurt them in the present. But that just makes it satisfying to see these women come together to support one another. SHWD drew me in with a unique and often dark action-oriented story with horror elements, but it’s this idea of “strong women” who make up for each other’s weaknesses that really makes it dear to me.

Also, it can’t be stated enough that Sono is so so so so so (etc) good at drawing muscular women.

On a completely unrelated note, there’s a side story about Koga and Sawada playing sports together. This includes judo. I am saying this for no reason.

Where To Get It: The English translation of the manga is released in chapters by Lilyka Manga.

Sexiled: My Sexist Party Leader Kicked Me Out, So I Teamed Up With a Mythical Sorceress!

What It Is: A two volume light novel series by Ameko Kaeruda, illustrated by Kazutomo Miya. Possibly complete.

What It’s About: Tanya Artemiciov is an absurdly talented Mage. So why the hell was she kicked out of her adventuring party? Her leader and former friend sums it up in four words: “You’re a woman, Tanya.” In a fit of rage, Tanya channels her anger into a “venting” session that involves swearing her head of and casting a volley of Explosion spells into the wasteland… and accidentally releases a legendary sorceress! Luckily, Laplace is actually quite nice, and just as powerful as the legends say, so the two decide to team up so Tanya can have her revenge!

What I Think: So, this is a silly one, but after a couple of darker entries I think it’s a good palate cleanser. Sexiled is a loud, not-even-remotely subtle, unabashedly feminist take on the “power fantasy” light novel, especially the “revenge fantasy” subgenre-- and even if that sounds awesome on paper to you (ex. me), it will probably feel over-the-top at times to you (ex. me). But in a way, that’s actually kind of its charm.

I like that Kaeruda utterly refuses to let up on what she wants to tell you, especially because the story was inspired by a real case in Japan. One may be tempted to think “this story is ridiculous, no one would ever be this cartoonishly sexist!” and then you read a news article about how in a famous Japanese medical university was found rigging the test scores of women, and you realize, “oh, people are still this cartoonishly sexist.” So I’m fine with Kaeruda letting it all out in this story. At the same time, I think Sexiled is best when it’s focused not on Tanya’s revenge but on her kindness, and the way her compassion, her strength, and yes, her anger inspires the women and girls around her.

Sexiled is a fun and often very funny romp about assholes getting theirs, with some surprisingly deep and nuanced moments hiding in a very unsubtle story.

Where To Get It: The light novels are published by J-Novel Club and can be found via various digital platforms and bookstores.

BONUS: Other titles with sci-fi/fantasy/action elements that may interest you!

The Blank Of Describer: A one-shot manga by kkzt about a pair of two dream-builders. They’ve taken all kinds of commissions in the past, but one job they recieve throws them for a loop: a request for a shinigami that can predict and report death. And then comes the kicker: the customer asks the two of them to give it features that the both of them “adore the most…” (Published in English by Lilyka Manga)

A Lily Blooms In Another World: A light novel by Ameko Kaeruda (illustrated by Shio Sakura), author of Sexiled, about Miyako, a Japanese wage slave reincarnated into another world based on her favorite otome game. However, she’s not interested in her would-be love interest, but in Fuuka Hamilton-- the game’s villainess! After Miyako confesses her love, Fuuka decides to give her a challenge: if Miyako can make her say the words “I’m happy” in fourteen days, she’ll stay by her side! (Published in English through J-Novel Club, available on various platforms)

Superwomen In Love: An ongoing manga by sometime about the sentai villainess Honey Trap and her infatuation with the masked superheroine Rapid Rabbit. After being kicked out of her evil organization, Honey Trap decides to team up with her former nemesis to fight evil-- and hopefully, find romance! (To be published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment, coming in April 2021)

2. “Yuri is all stories about teenagers! Where’s the stuff about adults?”

Take a look at the previous section: there’s the stuff about adults! Otherside Picnic, Goodbye My Rose Garden, Seabed, SHWD, Sexiled, The Blank of Describer, A Lily Blooms In Another World, and Superwomen In Love are all stories with adult-aged protagonists! But if you’re searching for a more down-to-earth romance, I’m happy to report there’s quite a bit of options to look into!

Still Sick

What It Is: A manga by Akashi. Three volumes, complete.

What It’s About: Makoto Shimizu is an office lady with a secret: she’s a yuri fan who draws doujinshi. She’s able to keep her two lives separate, all until the day she comes face-to-face with her co-worker at a convention! To Makoto’s horror, Akane Maekawa is amused by her nerdy secret, but Akane may have some secrets of her own...

What I Think: This one was a roller coaster for me: I loved the premise of the manga, but wasn’t sure about the dynamic between the leads… that is, until near the end of the first volume, where something happened and everything changed. Without giving too much away, I implore people to give Still Sick a chance-- it has a much deeper story than one might initially guess, as well as an interesting character dynamic between the two leads with some surprising turns.

Where To Get It: The first two volumes of Still Sick are published in English by Tokyopop, with the final one coming soon All three volumes have been published in English by Tokyopop.

After Hours

What It Is: A manga by Yuhta Nishio. Three volumes, complete.

What It’s About: After being ditched by her friend at a club, Emi Ashiana is ready to write the whole night off. All that changes when she meets Kei, a DJ who seems to be everything Emi is not-- cool, confident… employed.... But Kei and Emi hit it off and Emi’s life changes as Kei draws her into the world of Japan’s club scene!

What I Think: It’s hard to explain exactly why I like this manga, but I reeeeally like this manga.

There’s just something about the sleek art, the amazing atmosphere of the scenes set in nightclubs, the chemistry between Emi and Kei, the focus on more mature topics.... it’s a manga that’s remarkably magnetic for how down-to-earth it is. It’s also just interesting to read stories about subcultures that don’t normally get a spotlight in comics. To sum it up, After Hours is just a lovely manga that’s severely underrated that’s perfect for someone who’s looking for a story that’s both fun and mature.

Where To Get It: All three volumes are published in English by Viz Media.

How Do We Relationship?

What It Is: A manga by Tamifull. Ongoing, five volumes at time of writing.

What It’s About: Miwa and Saeko’s first meeting is… interesting. But despite that, and despite their clashing personalities, the two of them become fast friends. Well… actually, perhaps more than friends. You see, pretty soon the two of them learn that the other is into women. With that in mind, Saeko suggests they try dating each other-- might as well, right? “Might as well” seems like a strange place to begin a relationship, but perhaps even something like that could end in true love?

What I Think: “Why do romances always end when they decide to start dating?!” That’s the question Tamifull poses in the afterword of Volume 1. And it’s a great question! What makes How Do We Relationship? an interesting manga is how oddly realistic it is, highlighting things like the compromises people make in relationships, people who get into relationships for pragmatic reasons rather than love, the whole “thing” about sex… as well as highlighting the additional issues queer people have to deal with. That may sound like a heavy story, but it’s actually quite light-hearted, as well as very, very funny at times. With a cute art style and surprisingly deep premise, HDWR is a great manga for older yuri fans who are craving a more mature story.

Where To Get It: The first volume has been published in English by Viz Media, with more on the way.

BONUS: Other titles with adult protagonists that may interest you!

Even Though We’re Adults: A manga by Takako Shimura about two women in their thirties. Ayano and Akari meet each other in a bar and almost immediately feel a sense of chemistry between them. There’s just one problem: Ayano is married to someone else. (To be published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment, coming in January 2021)

Doughnuts Under A Crescent Moon: A manga by Shio Usui. Uno Hinako wants nothing more than to be seen as a normal young woman, but she just can’t seem to make a “normal” romance work. But maybe Sato Asahi, a woman who works at the same company as her, can show her a new kind of normal? (To be published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment, coming in February 2021)

Our Teachers Are Dating: A manga by Pikachi Ohi. Hayama Asuka is a gym teacher, Terano Saki is a biology teacher. One day, they come into work both looking suspiciously happy… because they’ve started dating! (Published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment)

I Married My Best Friend To Shut My Parents Up: A one-volume manga by Kodama Naoko. Morimoto is sick and tired about constantly being badgered about finding a man to marry, so her kouhai from her high school days offers a solution: marry each other to make her parents back off! (Published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment)

Now Loading…!: A one-volume manga by Mikan Uji. Takagi has just snagged her dream job at a games publisher, but being put in charge of a mobile game that’s barely pulling in any attention isn’t exactly what she was hoping for. What’s worse, she’s drawn the attention of her strict higher-up Sakurazuki Kaori… who also happened to design her most favorite game of all time?! (Published in English through Seven Seas Entertainment)

3. “Yuri is all schoolgirl stuff! Where’s- wait, didn’t we already do this one?”

Yes we did. And you know what? I’m making a stand! There’s a lot of really, really good yuri stories set in high schools, and I think more people need to give them a chance! Here are some high school titles that I think are worth a second look for one reason or another!

Bloom Into You

What It Is: A manga by Nakatani Nio. Eight volumes, complete. A twelve episode anime aired in 2018, covering about the first half of the series. A three volume spinoff light novel series written by Hitoma Iruma was also published.

What It’s About: Yuu Koito has long dreamed of the day she’d find That One, Storybook Romance that would make her feel like she was walking on air, but the day that a boy confesses to her, her feet remain firmly planted on the ground. When she meets Touko Nanami, a girl who seems to have the same strange, distant relationship to romance as she does, Yuu feels like she has found a comrade. But what will happen when the next person to confess to Yuu… is Touko?

What I Think: What can I say about Bloom Into You that hasn’t already been said? There’s a reason it’s basically considered a staple of yuri despite being only five years old. The art is beautiful and delicate, the story has a deft mastery of comedy, drama, and romance, and the characters are deeply loveable. Really, the only reason this one is here is to tell you to get to reading this manga (or watching the anime) if you haven’t already. So get to it!

Where To Get It: The entire series-- as well as the spinoff light novel series Regarding Saeki Sayaka-- has been published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment. The anime is currently streaming on HiDive.

Yuri Is My Job

What It Is: A manga by Miman. Ongoing, seven volumes at time of writing.

What It’s About: Hime wants nothing more than to be adored by everyone and to someday bag a rich husband. Of course, being loved by all takes a lot of work, and she prides herself in keeping her perfect, adorable facade so well-maintained. But of course, the one time she slips up, she ends up injuring the manager of a local cafe! Hime finds herself strong-armed into working for this cafe under their star employee, a kind, graceful girl named Mitsuki. But things aren’t quite so simple-- you see, this cafe has a gimmick in which all the employees are constantly acting out yuri-inspired scenes for the customers, so in a way, the employees also have their own facades. And under her facade, Mitsuki… hates Hime’s guts!

What I Think: Yuri Is My Job is an odd duck, but in a good way. It’s advertised and initially framed as a comedy, but it becomes a surprisingly thoughtful drama about the personas people adopt and why they do so (though, luckily, the comedy never truly goes away). There’s an interesting web of relationships between the girls, and having those interactions take place in a setting where they must act out a completely different sort of drama adds an extra level of drama and intrigue. The cute, polished artwork is just the icing on the cake. YIMJ is a good manga for those who are already familiar with yuri tropes and those who are interested in a drama that doesn’t get too heavy.

Where To Get It: Six volumes have been published in English by Kodansha comics, with the seventh on the way.

Riddle Story of Devil

What It Is: A manga written by Yun Kouga and illustrated by Sunao Minakata. Five volumes, complete. A 12 episode anime aired in 2014.

What It’s About: At Myojo Private School, an elite all-girl’s academy, Class Black has a secret. Twelve of the thirteen girls are actually assassins who have been offered a dark deal-- one wish will be granted to whoever manages to kill Haru Ichinose, the thirteenth student. But there’s still hope for Haru in the form of Tokaku Azuma, one of the assassins who has decided to defect to Haru’s side-- and defend her from the other girls at any cost.

What I Think: I’m not sure… if I can say Riddle Story of Devil is “good.” It’s definitely something. Although its premise is vaguely similar to Revolutionary Girl Utena, its tone and atmosphere remind me a lot more of the Dangan Ronpa series. It’s schlocky and ridiculous and often over-the-top and at times exploitative. It’s pure junk food, basically… and I believe that’s where the charm comes from. It’s my guiltiest of guilty pleasures. It may not exactly be good, but more often than not, it’s fun. It’s hard not to be immediately interested in a yuri battle series, you have to admit.

And if it does have one undeniably good element, it’s Tokaku and Haru’s relationship. They contrast each other nicely, and while one might expect Haru to be boring and helpless, she’s actually quite proactive at times, and some of the most interesting, engaging parts of the series come from seeing how the two work together to fend off the latest assassin. It’s a short read and if anything, it’s worth it to see how each girl ends up. I recommend it for older viewers who are okay with violence and ludicrous battle scenarios.

Where To Get It: All five volumes are available through Seven Seas Entertainment. The anime can be watched through Funimation.*

*Please don’t watch the anime.**

** At the very least, please don’t watch the anime unless you’ve read the entire manga. Riddle Story Of Devil was one of those unfortunate cases where the anime adaption was produced before the manga reached its conclusion, and as such it has a very strange, rushed ending that includes none of what I enjoyed about the actual ending. Several scenes were also changed, and if I recall correctly, fanservice was added in several places where there was none previously. All in all, I’d really only recommend it for big fans of the series.

Side By Side Dreamers

What It Is: A light novel by Iori Miyazawa, illustrated by Akane Malbeni. One volume, complete.

What It’s About: Saya Hokage has been suffering from insomnia, but one day finds relief in the form of Hitsuji Konparu, a strange girl who can put people to sleep. As it turns out, Hitsuji is a person who has the special ability to move freely in their dreams, known as a “Sleepwalker.” The Sleepwalkers have been battling beings that possess people through their dreams, and it turns out they want Saya to join them in the fight.

What I Think: Side By Side Dreamers is short and… well, dreamy. I really enjoyed the premise and I think it’s a good novel for people who think Otherside Picnic may be a little too much for them. I also enjoyed each dream sequence-- I tend to find that the writing in light novels is a little dry, so the use of figurative language to describe these scenes was really refreshing and interesting. SBSD is a fun oneshot that I think is especially ideal for newcomers to yuri.

Where To Get It: Side-by-Side Dreamers is published by J-Novel Club and can be found via various digital platforms and bookstores.

Cocoon Entwined

What It Is: A manga by Yuriko Hara. Three volumes, ongoing.

What It’s About: Hoshimiya Girls' Academy is a strange, almost otherworldly paradise with a peculiar tradition. For all three years, each girl grows out her hair to absurd, breathtaking lengths, in order for it to eventually be cut and weaved into uniforms for future students. Perhaps it is these strange uniforms that seem to whisper about the past that makes the school seem frozen in another time… picturesque, yet stagnant. But one day, a shocking incident shatters the quiet peace of the academy, and the tumultuous feelings that have long been hidden in the hearts of these girls come rushing into the light.

What I Think: Cocoon Entwined is, in a word, eerie. It’s not marketed as a horror story, and I don’t think it’s intended to be one, but I’ve seen some that say they get horror vibes from it. I definitely understand that-- there’s a deep sense of unease that permeates the entire story in a way that’s a bit hard to articulate. The running thread of uniforms made from human hair definitely doesn’t hurt (it does-- I’ve seen many people understandably turned off by this element), but it’s more than that. It’s the sense that everything at Hoshimiya feels frozen and fragile. It’s the sense that everyone is burying their true feelings under countless layers. It’s the fact that in one scene, Saeki reaches out in a dark room full of uniforms and feels her arm touched by countless hands made of hair.

Cocoon Entwined is a strange manga, and I feel it’s not for everyone-- besides the way many are put off by the central premise, the way that the story jumps around in time can be a bit confusing to follow. But in my opinion, I love it for these elements: the uniforms and their marriage between beauty and grotesque, the sense of frozen time, the delicate artwork that feels like it might be shattered by the weight of your gaze, the strange, airless atmosphere, the girls and their clear exhaustion of having to be ideal women. It’s a strange little series that I think should be given a shot, particularly if you want something a little more out there, or a darker take on Class S tropes.

Where To Get It: Yen Press has currently published two volumes in English.

BONUS: Other high school titles that may interest you!

A Tropical Fish Yearns For Snow: A manga by Makoto Hagino. Konatsu Amano has just moved to a new town by the sea, and must deal with her new school’s mandatory club policy. Luckily, she meets Koyuki Honami, an older girl who runs the Aquarium Club. Recognizing her loneliness, Konatsu decides to join her club. (Published in English by Viz Media)

Flowers: A four-part series of visual novels published by Innocent Grey. Flowers focuses on Saint Angraecum Academy, a private high school that prides itself on overseeing the growth of proper young ladies. One notable thing about the academy is the Amitié program, a system that pairs students together in order to foster friendships between the girls. But friendship isn’t the only thing blooming… (Available in English from Steam, J-List, and JAST USA)

Adachi And Shimamura: A series of light novels written by Hitoma Iruma and illustrated by Non that has recently received a manga adaptation and an anime adaption. Adachi and Shimamura are two girls who encounter each other one day while cutting class. Little by little, the two girls become a part of each other’s lives, and feelings begin to form. (The light novels are published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment, the anime is licensed by Funimation)

And there we go! 24 different yuri titles. I didn’t even go into the series that I tried but personally didn’t like that still might interest other people. I primarily made this list to gush about yuri that I liked, but I also tried to include a fairly wide range of things so that, hopefully, any random person who read this whole list could find at least one new title that interests them. And I hope that includes you!

The yuri scene is quite large and wonderful if you know where to look, and it too often gets a bad rap. I hope that this list could give you a new perspective on what kinds of titles are available, and I hope it gives you something new to try. And remember: if you want something specific, try looking for it! There’s a good chance the story you’re craving is already out there, waiting to be discovered!

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buckmepapi · 3 years ago

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𝓪𝓫𝓸𝓾𝓽

✧《✩》✧

navigation | main masterlist | library | bucky barnes masterlist

this is your reminder that this is an 18+ only blog, minors dni

about my dumbass;

im a queer 26 y/o cool kid from the UK, im disabled, deaf, and diagnosed autistic and adhd

please keep my conditions in mind when asking for fics and chapter updates, im in constant physical pain and struggling with my mental health so my first priority isnt always providing free entertainment for other people.

if u wanna know more about my health n conditions feel free to ask, im an open book when it comes to it as i believe openly discussing these things could help someone else struggling with the same issues.

I’m queer but more specifically queer demisexual, demisexuality is a form of asexuality.

I’m not sure how I would describe my gender. I’ve always hand a “weird” gender expression constantly bouncing from “tomboy” or “girly”, neither or both since I was as young as 11. If I had to describe it I’d say genderqueer. I use she/her pronouns or they/them

i am literally a mess of a person inside, i use writing as a coping mechanism for my trauma n also bc i am a hoe with constant horny thoughts ™️

your hoe thoughts ™️ are welcome here, i am a kinky depraved human being so there won’t be any judgement from me

i live with my boyfriend Dec (shocker that someone would put up with me, i know) and with my now three stinky cattos, Milo, Simba, and M’aiq - you can find pictures of them by searching their names in the tags!

interesting things about me (????);

I've struggled with my hearing for the past 8 years (?) but only reccently last year been checked by audiology and given hearing aids - the hearing aids are great and help a lot so far, i didnt realise how little i could actually hear lmao. i also am re-teaching myself bsl (british sign language) as i knew some as a kid when communicating with my Deaf great aunt, but never pursued it further till now. so that's a thing I've been finding helpful n really enjoying

I’ve finally finished my year and a half long EMDR intensive therapy to help tackle and manage my dissociative problems and childhood trauma resulting in CPTSD

I’m hoping to study an Arts and Languages access module at Open University to see what further education I wanna achieve - I’m just waiting on funding as I’m eligible to do the course for free bc of being disabled lol

im double jointed and weirdly flexible? probably bc of my hypermobility and why my bones hurt so fucking much lmao - i can do this absolute banger of a party trick where i can spin my hand over 360* lol

i love love love reading, studying eytmology, history and philosophy in my own time - this and marvel (winter soldier, deadpool) and Spawn are my special interests

My other special interests include family history, genealogy, and Far Eastern Prisoners of War in WW2 (the specific interest is most likely because of my family member being a POW in the Death Railway camps from 1942 to 1945)

i love painting and paint a lot of marvel wall art and renovate furniture in my free time

i’m obsessed with cross stitching

i play way too many videogames

i fucking love journalling, i live for that shit, gimme a bullet journal and some stickers and washi tape and u will not hear from me for 2 business days

social links;

Instagram - sunlightpink

Facebook - dm if mutuals

Art Instagram - sunlightpink.art

WhatsApp - dm if we are close mutuals only.

spotify

snapchat - i probably will never give this out even if you ask, as I haven’t used it in like 4 or 5 years and only keep it for the memories on their.

gaming stuff;

playstation - kimmywinchester

xbox - atombaby111

nintendo switch -

beatstar - crowley#21

#about #about me #me #personal #k;#masterlist #bucky-central

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studiesinconnoisseurship · 4 years ago

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Sicily's Triumph of Death

Triumph of Death – Palazzo Abatellis, Palermo

Palazzo Sclafani, Palermo

The Triumph of Death – il Trionfo della Morte – is a huge fresco filling most of the end wall of a large and lofty hall in Palazzo Abbatellis, the National Gallery of Sicily in Palermo. It was not painted for that room, but for a wall of the courtyard of another palazzo in the city, Palazzo Sclafani, still standing and still to be seen, though not visited, close to a public garden east of the Cathedral. That palazzo was built in 1330, originally for a Count, Matteo Sclafani, but exactly a hundred years later, in 1440, the City Administration (the Senate), wishing to rationalise its hospital provision and have one big hospital rather than seven small ones, requisitioned the palazzo, by then in a poor state, and set about converting it into the main hospital for the city. This development evidently included commissions for artists, and one of those was given to the painter of the Triumph. It is unfortunate that the commission document has never been found, but we can be thankful that aerial bombardment of Palazzo Sclafani in 1943 did not destroy, only damaged, the fresco, which was soon after removed, restored and displayed where it now is.

Details from Triumph of Death (clockwise from top): Death rides of a skeletal horse; The Fountain of Life; Death’s Victims; Lute Player

The painter’s choice of subject was a natural one for the courtyard of a hospital in those days. Sclafani’s palazzo dated from the time of the Black Death, but in Sicily, as in mainland Italy and the rest of Europe, Death in the form of plague had galloped back into people’s lives unpredictably and most often fatally ever since. Skeletal Death rides his skeletal horse full tilt across the fresco; his victims lie in a heap at the bottom of the picture. There is, however, Life, a Fountain of Life, beside which a harpist plays his silent music. Elegant ladies converse with animated gestures of shared alarm; there are men to the left, young and old, but, one observes, no children. Above the men a menacing wolfhound and another dog strain at the leash. Death, in short, threatens Life, for the mitred as for the unmitred, but Life is there. Memento Mori, you who enter this place and may not leave it alive; but remember, too, that you have lived, and life, with all its music and conversation, will continue after you.

Such is the general message. I have chosen this work as the focus of my latest Studies in Connoisseurship partly because we are living through a global pandemic. The hospitals of Palermo, as of many other cities in Italy and beyond, have once more been filled with very ill people dying, or threatened with dying, as life outside them struggles to continue.

As a connoisseur my motive is different. The fresco, unsurprisingly, has captivated many visitors and inspired some writers, but the fact that without a surviving contract or other document from the early 1440s we still do not know who painted this work surely plays its part in our fascination: we see it as a unique phenomenon, sui generis. This of course is unreal: someone painted it. Sicilians wonder if he was Sicilian. The last owner of Palazzo Sclafani lived in Spain; could he have proposed a Spanish artist? Some, bizarrely, have suggested that the painter may have come from the Netherlands. If he was Sicilian, did he afterwards leave the island to seek his fortune, like Antonello da Messina, on the mainland? Or did he come from the mainland, invited by the hospital’s rector, Pietro Speciale, or someone else who was commissioning works of art for it? A work like the Triumph of Death does not appear from nowhere; what other works by its creator preceded it?

I cannot answer these questions, but privately I have shared the quest for answers over many years, and I think I can at least contribute to our understanding of this anonymous artist by adding other works that may reasonably be attributed to him. As with all exercises in connoisseurship, what is ‘reasonable’ is what can be argued visually through juxtaposition of images.

First, a general observation should be made about the work from an aesthetic point of view. Iconographically, the Triumph of Death is well known and quite a lot has been written about antecedent examples of the theme, at the Campo Santo at Pisa, in the work of Orcagna, and elsewhere. In this case, however, the horse and the rider are not enough to pull the composition together, because all around them are disparate groups of figures and animals and objects that relate awkwardly to each other and fail to bond into a coherent whole. Whatever else he was, this artist cannot be said to be a great composer. Seen from a distance – as the fresco can be – it reminds one of some large and similarly incoherent tapestries. This is a serious defect which no doubt excludes it, as a whole, from the very highest rank of artistic achievement.

Details from Triumph of Death (clockwise from top left) – Death’s Horse; The King; a Survivor of Death; Death’s Victims

The words ‘as a whole’ are to be emphasised, though, because as soon as we draw close and our eyes take in the details (as would those of anyone standing or walking under the arcade of that hospital courtyard in 1442), they are everywhere amazed by what they discover in the sphere of draughtsmanship. There the artist excels, both in ‘disegno’, his brilliant invention of representational forms, and in the extraordinary refinement and elegance of his line, whether in the tail of the hound, the head of the horse (like something out of Guernica), in the aristocratic ladies or, most originally of all, in the heads of the dead tumbled together at the bottom. It is the quality of this artist’s drawing, rather than his colour or composition, that makes it less important that all the colour reproductions offered here are of questionable fidelity.

Comparing drawings at the Louvre (top left and top centre) with details of the noble women from Triumph of Death

Comparing the similar hand gesture of the drawing of a Lady (left) and a Survivor of Death (right)

To pick out the draughtsmanship is, I believe, to pick up the key that can unlock the mystery of what else this artist did. Over many years of intermittent study I have kept a look-out for any drawings that might be associated with him by virtue of their extreme linear elegance combined with a certain oddity. Among the drawings in the Vallardi Album at the Louvre are a few that are not by Pisanello, and among these is a pair of profiles, one of a mature Lady, the other of an older Man. The one of the Lady is the more developed and the more remarkable, for the fine lines of the hair and the purity of contour in her profile. Compare this drawing with the depiction of the aristocratic ladies in the Trionfo, especially the one seen in profile who likewise wears an eardrop, and I think a definite similarity is observable. It is confirmed when we turn to the raised left hand of the Lady in the drawing. Artists describe hands and their gestures in such interestingly different ways: this one favours two fingers (first and second) straight, two fingers (third and fourth) bent. Anyone who tries to put their own fingers into the same position will soon realise that it is not natural and not sustainable; but there it is, not only in the drawing but in the Trionfo, exactly in one instance, and to varying degrees of bentness in many more. To anyone acquainted with the history of connoisseurship this could be a textbook illustration of Giovanni Morelli’s ‘method’.

Drawing of a Man with a Fur Collar (Staatliche Graphische Sammlung München)

Comparing the Louvre Drawing (left) and Munich drawing (right) with faces from Triumph

At the Print Room at Munich (Staatliche Graphische Sammlung) there is another drawing, this time of a Man with a Fur Collar seen close-up, his head turned to our left, his neck emerging from a fur collar encircling it. this is not finished, but those fine lines drawn in long parallel strokes that distinguished the tresses of the Lady in the Vallardi Album are also here, along with a very particular shape given to the eye (upper lid and corner nearest to the nose) and to the ear, philtrum> and lips. These features are most clearly matched in the face of the young man on the extreme left of the Trionfo, and that of his companion.

Portrait of a Lady – Johnson Collection, Philadelphia

Comparing the Drawings from the Louvre (Top Left and Bottom Right) and Munich (Bottom Left) with the Painting of the Lady at Washington

At this point in my quest for drawings by the Trionfo Master the trail goes cold. There is, however, a painting in the Johnson Collection at Philadelphia, attributed, unconvincingly in my view, to Ercole de Roberti, which exhibits exactly the eye-shape, ear-shape, lips and philtrum of the Munich drawing, as well as the sharp, rounded eyebrows of the Vallardi Lady and the ear of the Vallardi Man.The Johnson painting has morphological similarities with the Trionfo, but it seems to belong to a later period, and there is reason for thinking that it does. It may indeed be the link between the Trionfo and a whole body of much later work by this artist, not in Sicily but in Ferrara.

Comparing faces with fresco in Palazzo di Schifanoia of Virgo recumbant with her Decani (bottom panels)

In the Salone dei Mesi of the Palazzo di Schifanoia in Ferrara it is possible to distinguish fairly clearly the work of Francesco del Cossa, but there is another artist, credited with many of the Months whose identity has always puzzled art historians. He has been called the ‘Maestro di Ercole’ or the ‘Maestro degli Occhi Spalancati’, but these names have not led to much development of an oeuvre for an artist of such weird imagination and invention, a man capable, as Cossa was not, of creating extraordinary images like the figure of Virgo, for August, the giant lobster, for June, or the sign of Libra, for September.

Scenes from the Fresco at Palazzo Schifanoia: Virgo in the Allegory of August (top); The Lobster from the Allegory of June (centre); Libra from the Allegory of September (bottom)

From Palazzo Sclafani to Palazzo Schifanoia is not only a leap of geography; there must also be a gap of many years, perhaps a quarter of a century. It is frustrating and unsatisfactory that there is, as yet, so little to fill that gap. I do believe, nevertheless, that Palermo and Ferrara are connected in the career of this painter. The argument depends as always on a juxtaposition such as this one: the Munich drawing, the Johnson portrait, the heads of Virgo.

Detail of Virgo (top left) to compare with the Lady in Philadelphia (top centre) and the Man in Munich (top right), and comparisons of the horse from Triumph of Death (bottom left) and horses from the Allegory of March (bottom right)

From August we can move to other Months in the astrological zodiac, and discover that the eccentricity manifest at Palermo has not deserted this artist, but it has changed. In the many years that have elapsed he has developed, for example, a bizarre way of representing drapery – like sharply creased paper folded one way and then another – and rocks – like laminated tombstones. Despite the lapse of years there is a horse’s head whose structure can still remind us of the one at Palermo.

The Allegory of August, Triumph of Ceres and representation of Virgo – Palazzo Schifanoia

The Allegory of September (top) and detail of Mars in bed with a Nymph (bottom) – Palazzo Schifanoia

There is also a change of theme. The work at Palermo is dominated, very obviously, by Death, his work at Ferrara quite largely by Sex, especially so in August. The bare-breasted figure of Ceres brandishes the reaped corn and then, recumbent, sprawls luxuriously across three divisions while looking out seductively at the spectator. In September Mars is in bed with a nymph, Ylia, and the figure of Libra is set between two figures of a physique reminiscent of male ballet dancers, their calves developed like athletes on Greek pots. Sex, yes, but also, to complete the trinity, War. There is now a definite martial streak to the artist’s imagination, no doubt fuelled by the idea of ‘triumph’ and expressed in images of Mars, Vulcan’s Forge, armour.

Detail of Vulcan’s Forge from The Allegory of September

His contributions to the Triumph scenes are at least as ill-composed as the Triumph at Palermo, but under them, in the Months, he wisely sets his figures and creatures against plain dark backdrops. We remember them all the better for their standing out pale, even white, against the deep blues and browns. At Palermo this had only begun to happen in the upper left quadrant and behind the horse.

Clearly I and others must look diligently for other works by this artist that will allow us to see how he developed between the two periods of activity and what he was doing before the first one. The drawings that I have proposed as his must belong to the earlier, Palermitan phase of his career, but how did he draw in later years? His name is more likely to be discovered by historians and archivists. I would like him to be a Sicilian – the island has too few major artists besides Antonello da Messina – but I must declare a doubt that he was. We need the evidence in any case to tell us whether he was brought to Palermo from the mainland or was native to the island at the time of the Sclafani commission. Without the facts we are left in ignorance. If the thesis presented here, of a connection between Palermo and Ferrara, should find acceptance, I hope that it will have armed us with a little more understanding of his character as an artist. He has an abundance of character. As painter, as draughtsman, as inventor of images, he appears to be one of the great eccentrics of European art, and one that can speak to us, of life and death and love, in another dark time.

#triumph of death #sicily #italian art #palazzo schifanoia #palazzo sclafani #palermo #studies in connoisseurship #connoisseurship #art history #art secrets

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meichenxi · 4 years ago

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*rant commencing*

ok guys let’s sit down and have a think about the way we talk to kids, particularly neurodivergent ones, and the weight it carries

the other day, I opened up to a friend about something really hurtful my best (and only) friend said to me when I was fifteen. It was a moment of emotional intimacy and the first time I had brought it up seven years later and, once again, I got laughed at and told I was too fucking sensitive

and ok maybe yeah I was a ridiculous child. I’m a ridiculous adult, that shouldn’t be surprising. But this hurt and hurt and hurt and I was trying to think about why this in particular and not anything else was so painful

so here’s the situation. at fifteen, like many smart kids, everyone thought the world was open to me. Ok I had no social skills to speak of and was ostracised by teachers and students and family, but I was an optimistic kid, and in a disaster of a home situation (involving kidnappings and court cases and running away and being out of school for a year and a brother starting drugs at 12 and living in a shelter and basically just a LOT) I was always the smiley helpful one. and apart from being defeated by very simple mechanisms like idk drawers or biscuit packets, I picked things up quickly. I took GCSEs early and extra and tutored others; I was a regional competitive swimmer in breaststroke and open water; I taught myself the flute and got into an international touring youth orchestra without lessons; I won a poetry competition for adults in primary school; I played competitive netball and was a long distance runner; I drew and sold my art; I wrote shitty novels and started making conlangs and was interviewed on bbc world about it; I loved performing and was invited to join a theatre company when I left school; and my biggest passion in the entire world apart from Tolkien was martial arts. And the best thing was for my parents - one of whom was disabled and didn’t work and the other who was a cleaner - is that I worked two paper rounds and tutored younger children and earned all of the money for it myself. blah blah blah. I was your mum’s friend’s kid.

well, I’m a disaster adult, so you can probably guess that none of that lasted for very long. and there are gazillions of people here with exactly the same story.

the point in question, though, was when I was fifteen and thinking about sixth form (the last two years of school in the UK) it was becoming clear alarmingly fast that you weren’t allowed to just keep doing everything you loved. at some point you had to make a choice.

but how could I give up swimming for music? Or music for languages? Or languages for athletics? Or athletics for theatre? or, actually, all of them but one???? how did people just know what they had to do with their lives? how did they choose?

the problem was, I said to my friend, I know I could do well at any of them, so how was I supposed to choose? (tactless and a stupid thing to say and also just not true but I was fifteen and simultaneously disgustingly cocky and cripplingly insecure) And he laughed and said, well, fuck you then.

oh noooo. poor meeeeeee. I’m so fucking good at things what do I dooooo

I haven’t stopped thinking about that comment for seven years. Every single time I think about wasting my potential, every time I can’t sleep because I’m terrified that I’m not being productive or useful and hating myself because I’m upset that I can’t do something right away and I know it’s a stupid thing to be upset about - I think about that comment. I’m lucky. It’s alright for some.

because, actually, being expected to know what to do with your life aged 15 is a fucking terrifying thing. we were kids at fifteen being told to make decisions as if we had all the facts, as if we weren’t also being blindfolded and spun around in circles until we couldn’t stand. Do you do what your parents say? what you think you want to do? what your teachers say? do you just stay in education even though it’s not for you because your dream is stupid, or because you don’t have a dream like everyone else seems to? are you supposed to have a dream?

*it’s NOT a stupid thing to worry about*

particularly when? well, when your entire self worth equates to the things that you output, the things that you do. so just for a moment, put yourself in the shoes of all of these wonderful, dazzling, damaged, crazy kids with big dreams and big hearts, kids that are struggling right now and kids that are our future, and imagine that you’ve been told since you were old enough to read or speak or walk that you’re just so very clever

isn’t it just wonderful how clever you are? isn’t it just great how we never need to worry about you? you’re such an easy child, it’s a blessing. always so considerate, so thoughtful, never making a fuss! isn’t it just fantastic how well you do in school? I can’t imagine what it must be like to have a child who went to all of those nasty parties. you’re so dedicated

raise your hand if you were only ever told you were good. raise your hand if you were never told you were kind.

so, what happens? you take a child, and you tell them for its entire childhood that they’re clever. You don’t tell them that they’re creative, or hard-working, or dedicated, or driven, or helpful. You let them know that it’s ok that they’re weird, because they’re going to be successful. what do you think parents say to their kid who’s crying because she has no friends and she doesn’t understand what the other children are thinking and why they would hurt each other like that? even good parents, the very best of them, say things like: you’re just more mature than they are. it doesn’t matter. keep your head down - you’ll show them.

your child, in the best case scenario, has access to her hyperfixation that makes the world big and bright and beautiful. she’s a bit weird, but it’s kind of cute. anyway, she’s good at it. and as long as she succeeds, conventionally, and you get to brag, then it’s ok that she’s a little bit unconventional.

and then things to break, just a little. and then, aged eleven, your child is having an asthma attack in the classroom because she got so anxious she couldn’t answer a maths question she couldn’t breathe. it’s ok, her parents tell her the next day. you’re just not good at maths - that’s alright. you don’t have to be good at everything

your child, because she’s perceptive, begins to realise that things don’t get better as you get older. people are just as cruel at 12 as they are at 7, and they’ll be just as cruel at 15. and then one day, as a bad joke because she doesn’t really understand humour, she writes a fake text to her dad from someone’s phone in legalese that actually has a secret code hidden it in that she knows her dad will crack right away because he’s brilliant. she thinks it’s hilarious. her father thinks he is being threatened, and spends the next week in meltdown, bedridden and burnt-out. and when she owns up, he turns and snaps at her, and says as if you could write something like that. an ADULT wrote this, not a fucking child

and suddenly, that cleverness they kept talking about? they don’t even understand that.

suddenly, no one sees her at all.

she needs to learn to be like the other kids. to be like a fucking child. and while she’s learning, she doesn’t speak for a year

that happened to me, but take your pick - I’m sure you don’t have to look far to find examples of your own.

My point is this: if you tell a child for their entire life that the only thing that is worthy of being loved is what they achieve, if every time they do something they love you tell them oh, you could be a famous writer! you’re so talented! rather than saying that you loved listening to their story, if you only praise them when they’re good and quiet and convenient and tell them that as long as they succeed, it doesn’t matter if they don’t have friends or if they’re miserable, and THEN you tell them to choose ONE THING and drop 90% of everything that makes them who they are -

what the hell did you THINK was going to happen??

because here’s the first thing. for many kids, whether that’s because of neurodivergence or age maturity or whatever, hyper fixations and hobbies aren’t just things they like to do. THEY ARE LIFELINES. they’re the things these kids go to when they’re hurt, angry, upset, because they make sense. for many kids, especially but not always girls, they are able to camouflage themselves and mask tendencies of neurodivergence because they’re ‘good students’. at a family gathering once, my mum, so frustrated at my inability and lack of desire to talk to any members of my extended family, snatched my German grammar book and locked it in the boot of the car. knowing that I escape and read it in the toilet was the only thing keeping me going, exhausted and stressed and overwhelmed. I vomited on the grass.

and here’s the second thing. you tell us from an early age that they only way we’ll ever be acceptable to the rest of society is if we succeed. autistic kids are fine, as long as they’re international maths olympiad champions. adhd kids are fine, as long as they’re famous athletes. if you’re obsessed with musicals that’s ok, as long as that obsession leads to a well-paying job as a successful writer on Broadway.

and then you tell us that we only have one chance at that success? and this decision determines the rest of our lives? and that we had so much potential when we were kids, and we better not waste it now? that not everyone is so lucky to be able to choose between so many things??

because being asked to choose between these things isn’t being asked to choose a hobby. when the only way anyone else defines you positively is by your success in one area, that becomes your entire identity.

so no, we’re not being too sensitive when you ask us to pick and choose what career, or what hobby to take forward. you’re not asking about hobbies. you’re asking us to choose what kind of person we want to be. you’re asking us to choose the most impactful way we can give back to the world, because we can’t waste those god-given talents. you’re asking us to figure out, still a child and hopelessly lost, what our purpose on this planet is. and you’re looking at us as if the ways that we survived all of these years, the things we clung to for comfort, are things we can just cast aside without further thought

ask me now, and I’ll tell you that’s not the way things work. we have second chances and third ones and tenth ones, we can be different things to different people and we can do different things at different parts in our lives, and be successful in different areas. life isn’t a fucking flowchart. and I’m still trying to come to terms with all the things I could have been, and my freak-outs about ‘wasted potential’ are so clockwork I could plan my calendar around them, but I’m beginning to understand that life doesn’t end when you’re twenty, or when you haven’t written a best-seller by eighteen. you have time.

but at fifteen? at fifteen, that question broke me.

do you know what you can do instead? you can show a little thoughtfulness. you can be kinder, and lead by example, and praise your kids when they’re kind too. when your son runs to you and shows you what you think is a better picture than you - a stick figure artisan, if you say so yourself - could ever create, you can actually just say you really like it. you can ask him if that’s him and daddy and the dog on a cloud. describe the picture back to him, and engage with this thing he’s made from his imagination - tell him the clouds he’s drawn are so big and fluffy and white, and ask if there are giant spiders living there. you know how to shut a child up? tell them yes dear, it’s wonderful. don’t be that person. promote your kid’s creativity - ask questions, have fun, play with this thing they’ve made - and not destroy it

when your daughter comes to you and shows you a song she’s written, don’t tell her she’s so talented or that she could be a musician one day. just sing along. ask her why she wrote it, and what she was thinking of when she did. ask her if she could make it different for two people singing it at the same time.

and if your child just really, really loves maths? let them do maths. it’s ok if their interests are stereotypical - as long as they love it and it’s fun, supporting them is wonderful. the best present my father ever got me was five hours of tutoring - an introduction to linguistics!! - when I turned twelve, starting on my birthday at 8am. I had never felt so understood and so loved.

as much as these simple things can destroy someone’s life, can stop them talking for a year, you have the chance to be that one voice of kindness that is a friend where a young person needs it most.

for me, this was the Bus Lady. I never knew her first name because I forgot immediately and was too embarrassed to ask again, but we got the bus together for two years right before I applied to university - she was a trainee teacher at my school. she saw that I missed tutor group and sat in the corridor every morning writing, and that I ran laps for an hour every lunchtime instead of sitting alone. but she came and sat with me one morning and asked what I was doing; I was developing a new shorthand and told her so warily.

she didn’t raise her eyebrows or say wow, that’s...that’s amazing. instead she frowned and looked at me skeptically and said ‘But why would you do that? There are plenty of functional shorthands out there - what does your shorthand have that they don’t? Tell me about it.’

I had no idea what to say

this was the first time anyone had actually ENGAGED in any capacity with what I was doing. and just like that, just by treating me seriously and asking valid questions and pointing out inconsistencies, I was a person who happened to have an idea that was in some serious need of questioning, and not a freak

there’s no way she remembers that interaction; she’s been a teacher now for year and probably doesn’t even remember who I am. But I had been this close to not going to university, to not bothering, and she made me stop, and wait a moment

she will never know the difference that that conversation and two months of kindness on the bus from a stranger made in my life.

so let’s be kind to each other, please. let’s be forgiving. let’s challenge each other and let’s engage with kids with special interests and listen to them talk. and so to any educators or teachers or parents or even other kids, I want to say - let’s treat our words seriously and with respect, like we treat our children, because they have immense capacity to hurt, because they can be used for good.

to any other fifteen year olds in a similar position, I just want to say: none of us here on tumblr have properly sorted our lives out, but I promise you it does get so much better.

you’re not too sensitive. you’re not a freak. you’re not only acceptable because you succeed. I know if you’re masking you feel you have to and it’s for survival, and I’m sorry, because you shouldn’t have to. and you should never, never have to think that you ‘have it good’ or that you’re lucky and are not allowed to hurt. there’s always some one who has it worse, and you can’t stop beat yourself up about that. fuck anyone who tells you otherwise. if you have gone through trauma, if you have unhealthy coping mechanisms, if you are depressed or anxious or otherwise mentally ill and some of it stems from this, I am so very very sorry. but you will be ok, even if you can’t write for a couple of years, or even if things change. you’ll get there. speaking as someone who is now writing for the first time in six years, drawing for the first time in longer, it’s scary and new and weird, but you will come out the other side.

and you do work hard. and you are creative. and you are loved. and you are so very, very kind.

*rant over*

#neurodivergence #neurodivergent #adhd #autism #giftedness #gifted kids #tag for this fucking awful school system?#neurodivergent kids #parenting #education #long post #meichenxi rants #mental health #trauma #depression #anxiety #mental illness #sorry for the scary tags I don't mean the post to be scary I'm just annoyed #and it got longer than I thought it would

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