#a guy with decent emotional intelligence?? Surely not!!

[blueteller]

So I checked out.... "Way to Protect Lovable You"? "Saving my Sweetheart"? Whatever the heck it's called...

Thanks for randomly introducing me to a new manhwa, @murasaki-cha! I've consumed all available chapters in the past 24 hours – you know, like you do. Here go my first memes impressions for you 😂

Leticia: *literally dying but on YOLO mode* Ditrian: (OMG my cute fiance asked me on a secret moonlight date-!) Leticia: So, let's get divorced in 6 months Ditrian: ??? Leticia: But also, let's fake date in the meantime! Ditrian: ???????

Ahin & Noelle, as Josephina's Wings: Oh woe is us, our Saintess wants us to hurt people, whatever shall be do~! Ahin & Noelle, 5 seconds after becoming Leticia's Wings: 😊🔪 Let's dismember all threats to our Saintess on the spot

Leticia: So let's hug. And kiss. And sleep in the same bed. …You know, platonically Ditrian: (…mercy, I'm gonna die, my wife will kill me-!) Leticia: (What's with that expression…? Does he still hate me?) Ditrian: *overdosing on CUTE* Leticia: …Oh! I also want a baby Ditrian: *DYING ROYAL NOISES*

Julius: Mom I promise, I'm definitely gonna return to you! Also Julius: *returns in a box* Mano: …Baby, you're a s***ty jokester 😭

Leticia's Wings: Leticia, no Leticia: Leticia, yes

Emperor: Son, you shall become the First Wing of the Saintess Callisto: *looks at Josephina* Callisto: I'd rather f***ing die *commits arson*

[solxamber]

Trash Novel Chronicles: Get Me Out of Here || Rook Hunt

You’re isekai’d into a trashy novel and stuck as a tragic side knight character. All you want is survival, but your boss is Rook Hunt—a poetic, eccentric duke.

Now you’re caught in his chaos and, worse, you kinda don’t mind.

Series Masterlist

You’re a completely normal person. You eat normal meals at normal times, sleep the normal amount of hours (give or take a few, who needs all eight anyway?), and hold down a regular, soul-crushingly normal job. It’s not glamorous, but it pays the bills and lets you indulge in your one true love: reading web novels for five hours straight like some kind of feral literature goblin.

Your current obsession? The Lady’s Tragic Love. It’s the sort of story that you can’t put down—not because it’s good, but because it’s so excruciatingly terrible that it loops back around into comedy. The heroine has all the personality of a wet tissue but somehow manages to ruin everyone’s lives with reckless abandon. It’s almost impressive.

You rub your temples as you skim yet another chapter. “Oh my God, this woman has the moral compass of a black hole,” you mutter.

The plot makes less sense the deeper you go: the heroine starts off as the daughter of a down-on-their-luck noble family. Her father racks up an unholy amount of debt, so she’s forced to marry a viscount who—get this—is actually a nice guy. Like, genuinely kind. He agrees to marry her in name only to protect her from debt collectors, even offering to fund her hobbies.

And what does she do? Poison him. Poison him!

"Okay, maybe she's misunderstood," you think, in the kind of delusional optimism only a web novel enthusiast can muster.

Nope. She poisons him because she "can’t stand looking at his face," which is only mildly unattractive and not the ogre-like monstrosity the text implies. Also, he was literally helping her stay alive.

“Oh, sure, let’s kill the only decent male character in this hellscape. Why not?” you hiss, scrolling furiously.

After committing literal murder, the heroine sets her sights on an archduke, who is tall, handsome, and very much engaged to the so-called villainess. The villainess is stunning, kind, intelligent, and inexplicably hated by everyone because—checks notes—she’s too perfect?

At this point, you're gripping your phone so hard that it’s a miracle it doesn’t snap in half. “Why is the villainess the villain? This should be the heroine’s title! She’s practically speedrunning how to be the worst human being alive!”

But no, the heroine gets rewarded for her nonsense. The archduke doesn’t fall for her (because he has taste), but the crown prince does. The prince, apparently a sucker for chaos, marries her. Instead of being happy with her new title and riches, the heroine spends her days scheming to ruin the villainess’s life because, in her words, “How dare the archduke choose someone that isn’t me?”

You pause and reread that line. Then reread it again.

“WHAT?!” you yell so loudly that your downstairs neighbor bangs on the ceiling.

It’s a spiral of nonsense that drags you through emotional whiplash until you finish the last chapter with a migraine and a full-blown existential crisis. You stare at the screen. "Why...why did I do this to myself?"

You stumble out to your tiny balcony to clear your head, phone still in hand. The cool night air washes over you as you lean on the railing, your brain buzzing with rage and confusion.

“Why does she get a happy ending?” you grumble. “She’s a walking red flag factory! The villainess deserves to be queen, and the prince deserves a lobotomy for his taste in women!”

In your frustration, you kick the balcony railing. Unfortunately, your landlord hasn’t exactly been diligent about repairs. The rusted screws holding it in place give way with a terrifying screech.

“Oh, come on,” you say, deadpan, as the railing collapses beneath you.

You plummet ten stories down, bouncing off an awning like some kind of cartoon character before landing face-first in a suspiciously placed fruit cart.

As darkness creeps in, your final thought is not of regret, nor fear, but of pure, unfiltered pettiness:

“I hope my next life is more exciting… and I never have to read about this heroine again.”

With that, you pass out, blissfully unaware of the absurd fate that awaits you.

You wake up, groggy and disoriented, and immediately ask yourself the first logical question: Why the hell am I alive?

The last thing you remember is gravity betraying you and a suspiciously convenient fruit cart breaking your fall. But when you sit up and look around, it’s very clear you’re not in your crappy apartment anymore. For starters, this place is way too clean, smells faintly of vanilla, and—oh, is that sunlight streaming through those beautiful glass windows? Not the dim, depressing flicker of the streetlight outside your old place?

Something is very wrong.

You scramble out of the bed, which is definitely not your rickety twin-sized monstrosity held together with duct tape and misplaced hope, and start poking around. The furniture is elegant, the carpet is plush, and there’s an oil painting on the wall that practically screams, Welcome to Generic Medieval Europe™!

The realization slams into you with all the subtlety of a freight train: You’re in that garbage web novel.

You pause, frozen, your brain throwing up a million red flags at once. Your knees almost buckle. "Nope. No. Absolutely not. This is some kind of cosmic punishment," you whisper to yourself, clutching your temples.

You creep towards the ornate mirror on the other side of the room, your reflection getting clearer with every step. “Please,” you mutter, “if there’s a single merciful entity out there, don’t let me be the heroine. Or the villainess. Or, God forbid, one of the male leads.”

You finally reach the mirror, squeeze your eyes shut, then crack one open. And there you are: just some random face.

“Oh, thank God,” you exhale, slumping against the wall. You’re not the heroine. You’re not the villainess. You’re not one of the tragic walking disasters that make up the main cast. You're just… some person. A total nobody.

But just as you’re about to bust out your victory dance of mediocrity, something catches your eye. You lean closer, squinting.

Wait.

No.

NO.

You’re that nobody.

You’re the tragic commoner knight who gets blackmailed by the heroine, coerced into doing her dirty work, and ends up assassinating the villainess for her. The same commoner knight who dies in three chapters because the heroine throws them under the bus as soon as the villainess's fiancé finds out what happened.

You stagger back from the mirror like it’s cursed. “Nope. Nope. Absolutely not. I did not reincarnate into this medieval soap opera just to get unalived in the dumbest way possible,” you say, pacing the room like a lunatic.

Your character’s life flashes before your eyes: the abusive father, the crippling family loyalty, the gambling debts. This poor soul had it rough even before getting turned into the heroine’s personal murder minion. And you? You’re not about to pick up that torch.

So you grab some parchment and pen what might be the most passive-aggressive resignation letter of all time.

“To Her Highness, the Crown Princess,

Kindly do your own dirty work from now on. My father can gamble himself into oblivion. I’m out. Good luck with your reign or whatever.”

Satisfied, you sign it with an unnecessarily large flourish, slap it on the desk, and prepare to bounce.

You’re halfway down the hall when you almost walk face-first into him.

Rook Hunt, the walking embodiment of “this guy doesn’t belong in this novel but here he is anyway,” stands there with his golden hair and overly dramatic smile. He’s loud. He’s eccentric. He’s dressed like he’s about to break into a musical number about the beauty of life. Oh, and he’s also the duke whose household you served in as a knight before you quit.

“Mon ami!” he exclaims, throwing his arms wide like you’re long-lost lovers. “You’ve returned to me! What an exquisite twist of fate! Shall we celebrate the beauty of reunion?”

“No,” you say flatly. You attempt to sidestep him, but Rook doesn’t just let things go.

“You cannot leave me again! Do you not wish to resume your role as my loyal knight?”

“Absolutely not,” you snap on instinct, because why on earth would you willingly dive back into this mess? But then it hits you. Wait.

Rook isn’t part of the main plot. He’s not the crown prince, not the archduke, not the villain, and definitely not one of the doomed love interests. He’s just… there. A minor character. A colorful extra who pops up to sprinkle poetic nonsense into the plot and then wanders offstage.

Your brain kicks into overdrive. If you stick with him, you’ll be close enough to the action to keep tabs but far enough to avoid the heroine’s nonsense. Plus, salary. And minor characters like him rarely die!

Your decision solidifies. You plaster on a winning smile and nod. “Actually, on second thought, yeah. Let’s do that.”

“Magnifique!” Rook practically beams as he grabs your arm. “Come, let us bask in the splendor of returning home!”

You follow him, letting his endless stream of poetic babble wash over you. Is this the best plan? Probably not. But it beats getting murdered for a heroine who couldn’t find her moral compass with both hands and a map.

You make it back to the duke’s grand estate—because of course it’s grand. Every aristocrat in this godforsaken novel seems to have a mansion the size of a small country. Rook practically floats through the gates, his dramatic energy causing every passing servant to give him the “not again” look. You follow, still trying to process the reality of your current situation.

After an unnecessarily flowery tour of the place (you’ve been here before in this body, but you let him talk because it’s easier than interrupting), he finally stops in the courtyard. He turns to you, his eyes gleaming with excitement.

“Now, mon chevalier, reclaim your rightful position as my trusted bodyguard!” he declares, flinging his arms wide as if inviting the heavens to applaud him.

You blink. “…Respectfully, sir, why do you need a bodyguard?”

He pauses, staring at you like you just asked why water is wet. Then, with an infuriatingly serene smile, he says, “Ah, but the shadows are filled with secrets, my dear knight! The beauty of life is in its mysteries, n’est-ce pas?”

You squint at him. “Okay, but that doesn’t answer the question.”

He leans in closer, dropping his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “Because the wolves, mon ami. The wolves.”

You freeze. “…What wolves?”

Rook straightens up, tilting his head as if contemplating the meaning of the universe. “Ah, they are everywhere and nowhere. In the forests, in the halls, in the hearts of men. Who can say where danger truly lies?”

This man just said a whole lot of words without saying anything.

“Right,” you say slowly, pinching the bridge of your nose. “But you’re, like, ridiculously strong. I’m pretty sure you could take on any wolf—metaphorical or not—by yourself.”

“Ah, mon chevalier,” he says with a wistful sigh, placing a hand on his chest like he’s reciting a Shakespearean soliloquy. “Strength alone cannot protect one from the unexpected, the unseen, the poetry of peril!”

You stare at him, trying to figure out if this is some sort of elaborate prank. But no. This man is completely serious.

“So… wolves. Poetry of peril. Got it,” you mutter, rubbing your temples. “I’ll, uh, just… go patrol or something, I guess.”

Rook claps his hands together, beaming. “Ah, magnifique! I knew you would understand! Truly, you are a gem among knights!”

You slink off, still scratching your head. You’re 90% sure the wolves are a metaphor for absolutely nothing, but who are you to question the logic of a trash novel? At least the pay is good.

You quickly realize this trash novel is trying to trash you right back. It’s like every corner you turn, fate has decided you don’t deserve a peaceful life.

Walking through the garden to calm your nerves? Someone leaps out of the hedges with a dagger. You narrowly dodge, trip over a decorative fountain, and the attacker runs off, cackling.

Trying to enjoy the roses because you’re starting to think, “Hey, if I gotta die, at least let it be aesthetic?” Nope, arrow. Right past your ear.

By the fifth assassination attempt (some guy “accidentally” dropping a potted plant from a balcony), it clicks. The heroine must’ve decided since you’re not doing her dirty work anymore, she needs to eliminate you before you spill the beans. But, unlike her, you have brains.

So, you write a letter.

Dear Villainess and Esteemed Archduke,

I hope this letter finds you well, though considering the general chaos surrounding us, that feels optimistic.

I am writing to inform you of an unfortunate situation involving a certain someone (cough the crown princess cough) who has, shall we say, less-than-noble intentions toward your continued existence.

To clarify: she asked me to assassinate you. I know, shocking. However, as someone who values integrity, personal safety, and not being murdered by shady royalty, I’ve decided to step down from my position as her unwilling assassin.

This does mean she may hire someone else to handle the job, which is unfortunate for you but also none of my business anymore. I’m not sure how you typically handle murder plots, but I suggest taking precautions, like perhaps not smelling your roses or standing under precariously placed flower pots.

Lastly, while I am admittedly a pawn in this chaotic mess, I felt it was only fair to let you know what’s going on. I wish you both a long, unassassinated life.

Warm regards,

Your Local Retired Assassin

P.S. Please don’t kill me. I’m just the messenger.

You thought this letter would buy you peace. Instead, it bought you an invitation.

And by “invitation,” you mean you’ve been dragged into a private meeting with the villainess and the archduke, who are both sitting across from you now, looking like they’re deciding whether to thank you or strangle you.

“So,” the villainess says, her voice like ice. “You’re telling me the crown princess is plotting to kill me?”

“Uh, yes,” you say, your palms sweating. “But, like, not me anymore! I’ve retired. Permanently.”

The archduke raises an eyebrow. “Why would she want to kill us?”

You glance at the villainess. “Uh… because you exist?”

Before the villainess can stab you (she looks ready), the door swings open, and in saunters Rook.

“Ah, my friends!” he says, grinning ear to ear. “How serendipitous that we are all here. I believe I can shed some light on this matter.”

You gape as Rook launches into a detailed explanation of the heroine’s convoluted scheme—exactly what she’s planning, who she’s hiring, and even the color of the dress she’ll wear while gloating about it.

The villainess and the archduke exchange a glance, then rise, thanking Rook for his “invaluable insight” before sweeping out of the room, leaving you and Rook alone.

You turn to him, your jaw still on the floor. “How do you even know all that?”

Rook just winks at you. “Ah, mon chevalier, the shadows have ears, and I am their maestro.”

He struts out, humming a jaunty tune, leaving you sitting there, more confused than ever. At this point, you’re half-convinced Rook is either a genius or just making stuff up as he goes. And honestly? You’re too tired to figure it out.

You’re stationed at the edge of the garden, trying your best to blend into the scenery while the tea party unfolds. Rook, as usual, is the life of the gathering, passionately chatting with Vil and Epel, who looks like he’d rather be anywhere else.

You’re in your usual "bodyguard mode," which mostly consists of staring off into the distance and trying not to fall asleep. It’s peaceful—for once—until Epel casually drops a comment loud enough for even you to hear.

"Rook, you finally got them back, huh?"

Your brain screeches to a halt.

Got you back? Back? What does that mean? What is there to get back? Was there something to get back in the first place?

You barely have time to process any of this before Rook, in the most Rook way possible, interrupts with a flurry of poetic nonsense.

“Ah, young Epel, the winds of fortune have indeed graced me with their bounteous song! But let us not dwell on the past, for the present blooms before us like a radiant garden of opportunity!”

You blink. Did… did that mean anything? Epel seems to think it doesn’t, judging by the way he rolls his eyes and mutters something under his breath. But you’re too busy processing the odd look on Rook’s face to care.

Because, for the first time ever, Rook looks nervous.

His usual serene confidence is still there, but there’s a hint of something else—a faint pink dusting his cheeks, an almost imperceptible shift in his tone. And why the hell is your heart fluttering at the sight?

You squint at him, trying to decode whatever is happening here. Is he… embarrassed? Flustered? Can Rook even be flustered?

Before you can spiral further into overthinking, you notice Vil’s sharp gaze cutting through the moment like a knife. His violet eyes lock onto yours, and an infuriatingly amused smile tugs at the corner of his lips.

Oh no. He knows.

Vil, of course, pretends like nothing’s happening, smoothly pouring himself another cup of tea and joining the conversation like the consummate aristocrat he is. But every so often, you catch him glancing at you with that same entertained expression, like he’s just discovered a juicy secret.

You try to shake it off, refusing to let yourself be dragged into this nonsense. But Rook’s flushed face lingers in your mind, and every time he smiles at you for the rest of the party, you feel the heat creeping up your own cheeks.

Great. Just great. Whatever this is, it’s going to haunt you for days.

It started with an uproar in the palace—a desperate, urgent call for help sent to Rook, Duke of Hunt.

"The wolves are attacking!"

You were mid-sword practice when the messenger arrived, breathless and frantic. He handed the summons to Rook, who took the parchment with an amused smile.

"Wolves, you say?" he mused, tapping his chin dramatically.

"Yes, my lord!" The messenger practically collapsed from the effort of delivering the message. "They’ve breached the outer gardens, and the prince and heroine request your immediate assistance!"

Rook looked at you, his eyes sparkling with mischief. "Ah, mon chevalier, do you recall what I told you once about wolves?"

You blinked, frowning. "You mean the thing about being surrounded by wolves one day? I thought you were joking."

Rook’s grin widened. "Oh, I never jest about wolves."

You opened your mouth to demand clarification, but Rook waved the parchment dismissively. "Alas, I must decline."

The messenger froze. "W-What? But…you’re the Duke of Hunt! The greatest tracker and marksman in the kingdom! Without you, the palace is doomed!"

Rook leaned forward conspiratorially. "Tell me, mon ami, what makes you think I’d risk life and limb for the likes of the heroine and her precious prince?"

The messenger stammered. "B-But—"

Rook held up a hand, silencing him. "No, no. I simply cannot. My schedule is far too packed. Why, just this morning, I promised my chevalier here that I’d help reorganize their weapons rack." He turned to you with a wink. "Isn’t that right?"

You rolled your eyes but nodded. "Yep. Super busy."

The messenger left, looking utterly defeated. You figured that was the end of it.

It wasn’t.

Over the next two hours, messengers kept arriving, each more desperate than the last. Rook refused them all with increasing flamboyance.

One messenger was sent away with, "Alas, the stars are not in alignment for such a hunt!"

Another was dismissed with, "The winds whisper that this is not my destiny today."

Finally, a personal plea came from the heroine herself. She barged into the estate, dramatically throwing herself at Rook’s feet.

"Oh, noble Duke!" she wailed. "You are the only one who can save us! Please, I beg of you!"

Rook tilted his head, pretending to think it over. Then he glanced at you, his expression suddenly sharp beneath the veneer of cheer.

"And what of my chevalier?" he asked.

The heroine frowned. "What do you mean?"

"You’ve made quite a nuisance of yourself lately," Rook said lightly, though there was an edge to his voice. "Why, only yesterday, you sent someone to ambush them in the gardens, did you not?"

Her face paled.

"I might reconsider," Rook said, his tone taking on a singsong quality, "if you promise to leave them alone from now on."

There was a long, tense pause. The heroine’s expression flickered between rage and fear before she finally forced a smile. "Very well. I promise."

"Splendid!" Rook clapped his hands and stood. "To the hunt, then!"

You stood there in stunned silence as he walked out the door, bow in hand. When he turned back to flash you a grin, you couldn’t help but mutter, "What the hell just happened?"

Rook’s laugh echoed through the halls, and you were left wondering yet again if you’d ever fully understand this ridiculous man.

It’s payday, baby.

You’ve never been more excited to hold a pouch of jingling coins in your life. Your day off couldn’t have come at a better time, and you’ve already decided to treat yourself. No assassination attempts, no cryptic poetry, no Rook yammering about beauty—just you, the market, and sweet, sweet retail therapy.

After wandering for a while, you stumble upon a fruit stall, and your eyes light up. The produce is incredible—vividly colored, juicy, and nothing like the waxy, suspiciously glossy stuff you’d get in your original world. You don’t even know what half these fruits are, but they smell amazing, and you’re buying them all.

As you carry your haul back to the manor, an idea hits you like a freight train. You’ve been craving dessert—specifically, something you can’t get in medieval Europe. Something simple, sweet, and utterly anachronistic.

And that’s how you end up in the kitchen, surrounded by fresh fruit, flour, sugar, and whatever else you’ve managed to scrounge up. You’re determined to make crêpes. Yes, you know they weren’t invented yet, but the cooks don’t even seem to know what a waffle is, so they’re not going to stop you.

It takes a bit of trial and error—because, shocker, medieval kitchens are not equipped for finesse—but eventually, you’ve got a plate of soft, golden crêpes filled with fresh fruit and drizzled with honey. It’s so beautiful it almost brings a tear to your eye.

You’re mid-bite, mentally congratulating yourself, when Rook materializes out of nowhere like some kind of dessert-seeking missile.

“Mon chevalier! What marvel have you crafted here in this humble kitchen? The scent alone rivals the sweetest perfume!”

You freeze. This is fine. He’s just curious. There’s no reason to panic. Subconsciously, you scoop up a bite on your fork and offer it to him, your body on autopilot.

Rook doesn’t hesitate, leaning in and accepting the bite with the elegance of a prince at court. “Magnifique! Truly, you have woven magic into this creation, mon cher!”

You relax slightly, pride swelling at the compliment—until he takes your hand and licks a stray drop of honey from your finger.

Your brain short-circuits.

Before you can even form a coherent thought, Rook grins at you with that infuriatingly charming smile of his, leaning in to press a quick kiss to your cheek.

“You are as talented in the kitchen as you are with a blade,” he says, his voice warm and soft, as if he hasn’t just dismantled your sanity.

And then he’s gone, striding out of the kitchen with his usual jaunty step, leaving you standing there like an idiot, replaying the sensation of his lips on your cheek and his tongue on your finger.

You slowly sink to the floor, crêpe in hand, trying to process what just happened.

“Why,” you mutter to yourself, taking another bite of your crêpe for courage, “does this keep happening to me?”

Life had been…dare you say it, pleasant recently. No assassination attempts, no tea parties and no surprise arrows whizzing by your head. You were almost convinced this world might not be so bad after all.

But like clockwork, the plot reared its ugly head.

You were outside, basking in the rare serenity of a quiet afternoon, when the shouting began. You knew the voice instantly. It was grating, furious, and way too familiar.

Your abusive father—the original you’s deadbeat excuse for a parent—had somehow crawled out of the woodwork.

“You useless brat!” he snarled, stomping toward you. “How dare you stop sending money? Do you think you’re too good for your family now?!”

Oh, for the love of—

You crossed your arms, already done with the theatrics. “First of all, family implies mutual care and respect, neither of which you’ve ever provided. Secondly, kiss my ass.”

The man’s face turned a deep shade of purple, veins bulging in his forehead. He raised his hand, and you didn’t flinch. You weren’t scared of him. You were just irritated that he had the audacity to show up and ruin your vibe.

But before his hand could even swing down, an arrow whizzed past, slicing through the air with deadly precision. It nicked his cheek, leaving a shallow cut, and he yelped like a scolded dog.

You turned, and there he was.

Rook.

But this wasn’t the poetic, flowery Rook who praised sunsets and waxed lyrical about everything under the sun. No, this was Duke Hunt. His bow was clenched tightly in one hand, his expression colder than you’d ever seen. His eyes locked onto your father, sharp and unyielding, and for the first time, you truly understood why people called him a hunter.

Your father stumbled back, clutching his cheek. “Y-you’ll regret this! I’ll get my revenge!” he spat, turning tail and running like the two-bit villain he was.

You didn’t even watch him go. You were too busy staring at Rook, your heart pounding in a way that had nothing to do with fear and everything to do with the fact that, dammit, he looked good like this.

You silently scolded yourself. Really? Now? This is when you’re going to have a revelation about your feelings? Pull it together.

Rook’s gaze softened as he looked at you, and without a word, he closed the distance between you. Before you could process it, his arms wrapped around you, pulling you into a firm, steady embrace.

You stiffened for a moment, but then it hit you—you were shaken. You hadn’t realized it until now, but the encounter had left your hands trembling. And Rook…he didn’t say a word. He just held you, radiating warmth and reassurance, as if he knew exactly what you needed.

Slowly, you relaxed, leaning into him, letting the tension bleed out of your body. For once, there were no witty remarks, no poetic musings, no cryptic riddles. Just Rook, steady and solid, and the quiet comfort of his presence.

You closed your eyes, letting out a shaky breath. Maybe life here wasn’t so bad after all.

It was the hunting competition trope—the bread and butter of every third-rate villainess novel ever written. Noblemen rode out in droves to massacre innocent wildlife in the name of prestige, while the women gathered on the sidelines to swoon over who could kill the most majestic creature.

Normally, you'd find this whole affair ridiculous, but today? Today, it was a strategic opportunity.

Rook and you had cooked up a plan. After bagging his game, Rook would publicly gift it to the villainess, cementing the stance of his household against the heroine. A subtle yet unmistakable message to everyone present: this duke’s house wasn’t here to play politics; it was drawing battle lines.

Rook was, predictably, ecstatic about it all. “Ah, mon chevalier, what a splendid opportunity to honor beauty and justice with the art of the hunt!” he proclaimed, twirling dramatically as he readied his bow.

What you didn’t anticipate was his strange fixation on a handkerchief before he left.

Throughout the day, noblewomen approached Rook, each one batting their lashes and holding out dainty, embroidered handkerchiefs. It was practically a parade of desperate peahens.

“Oh, Lord Hunt, a token for luck!” cooed one particularly persistent lady, pushing her frilly kerchief toward him.

Rook clasped his hands to his chest with exaggerated reverence. “Ah, mademoiselle, your thoughtfulness moves me beyond words, but alas, I cannot accept. To carry such a treasure into the wild would be to risk its loss, and I could never bear such tragedy!”

Another woman attempted to loop her kerchief around his wrist directly. Rook gracefully dodged, as though she were offering him a live snake. “My dear lady, your artistry is unparalleled, but the only adornment fit for this hunt is the pure, untainted spirit of nature herself!”

By the third rejection, you were practically biting your tongue to keep from laughing.

But then came the curveball.

“Ah,” Rook sighed as he approached you. “If only I had a handkerchief imbued with sincerity. A simple, honest token to guide my aim and steady my heart!”

You blinked at him. “What, like…this?” You pulled out your completely ordinary, unembellished handkerchief and held it out.

Rook’s eyes lit up as though you’d just handed him the Holy Grail. “Mon chevalier! How perfect! How divine! This humble square of cloth shall be my guiding light!”

Before you could protest, he tied it around his arm with a flourish and rode off, looking like he was ready to star in his own personal opera.

From his place in the pavilion, Vil Schoenheit took a slow, deliberate sip of his tea, his sharp eyes locking onto yours with a glint of pure amusement. The smirk tugging at his lips seemed to say, Oh, I know exactly what’s going on.

Meanwhile, Epel squinted between you and Rook, his expression shifting rapidly as though he’d just cracked the secret to immortality. He whispered something to Vil, who nearly choked on his tea before regaining his composure.

What the hell is going on? you thought, baffled.

Fast forward to now, the present, where the plan was supposed to culminate with Rook triumphantly presenting his prize to the villainess. Simple, elegant, strategic.

So why, why, was Rook standing in front of you holding a literal griffin?

“Uh, Rook,” you whispered through gritted teeth. “What are you doing? This is supposed to go to the villainess.”

But Rook was having none of it.

“Ah, my loyal chevalier,” he declared loudly, drawing the attention of every noble in the vicinity. “It is only fitting that such a prize goes to the one who inspires my steadfastness and resolve!”

Your jaw dropped. “Rook. No.”

He turned his radiant smile on you, looking like a proud schoolboy showing off a crayon drawing to his teacher. “Yes!”

The gathered nobles erupted into murmurs, and you could already feel the weight of every single judgmental stare. This was not part of the plan. But despite your internal screaming, a small, annoying part of you couldn’t help but feel…flattered. This was a duke, and you were just a knight. A very confused, very underqualified knight, sure, but still.

Vil, still seated with his ever-present cup of tea, took another long, pointed sip, his eyes glimmering with amusement.

This was the drama he’d signed up for.

The hallway leading back to the room where Vil, Rook, and Epel were sitting felt oddly silent, the muffled voices of their conversation barely filtering through the door. You weren’t one to eavesdrop—but when you heard your name, well, curiosity got the better of you.

"Just confess already," Epel was saying, his tone exasperated. "We’ve all seen the way you look at them."

Vil chimed in, his voice tinged with amusement. "Epel is right for once, Rook. Love is about timing, and yours is abysmal."

"But love is an art, mon ami," Rook replied, his tone unusually hesitant. "It cannot be rushed. It must unfold naturally, like the petals of a flower in spring."

"Okay," Vil drawled, clearly unimpressed. "But what happens when someone else plucks your ‘flower’? Say, the gardener they’ve been spending so much time with?"

The silence that followed was deafening. You leaned closer, your heart pounding, hoping—no, needing—to hear Rook’s response.

Instead, you heard nothing.

The stillness stretched unbearably until you couldn’t take it anymore. You shoved the door open, startling all three occupants. "What are you talking about?"

Vil raised an eyebrow, the picture of nonchalance, though the corners of his mouth twitched with mischief. "Perfect timing, as always. I’ll leave you two to sort this out."

He grabbed a very reluctant Epel by the collar and dragged him toward the door. "Wait, I wanna see what happens!" Epel protested, but Vil shut the door behind them with a decisive click.

Which left you and Rook alone.

You crossed your arms, leveling him with a look that you hoped masked the frantic hammering of your heart. "So…what’s this about a confession?"

Rook’s usual composure faltered. For once, the poetic, perpetually self-assured Rook you knew looked…unsure. Vulnerable. His hands fidgeted with the hem of his gloves, and he avoided your gaze, staring instead at the floor.

"Rook," you said softly, stepping closer. "Please, just tell me what’s going on. I need to know."

He finally looked up, and the raw emotion in his eyes was enough to steal your breath.

"Mon chevalier," he began, his voice low and trembling, "I have loved you from the start. At first, it was the camaraderie of equals, a kindred spirit I admired. But when you returned from the heroine’s side, defying expectations and staying true to yourself…you captured my heart completely."

You blinked, stunned. "Rook, I—"

He continued, the words spilling out as though he’d been holding them back for far too long. "You never treated me like I was strange. You accepted me as I am, even when others mocked my passions or dismissed my eccentricities. I never truly needed a bodyguard. I just needed you. Near me. Always."

His voice broke slightly on the last word, and you felt your resolve crumble.

You sighed, but it wasn’t from exasperation. It was the sound of relief, of something clicking into place. "Next time," you said, stepping even closer, "just tell me your feelings directly. It’ll save us both a lot of trouble."

Before he could respond, you reached up and pulled him into a kiss.

It was everything a first kiss should be—long, searing, passionate. His arms wrapped around you instinctively, pulling you flush against him as though he never wanted to let go. You melted into him, your hands sliding up to tangle in his hair, and for a moment, the world outside that kiss ceased to exist.

When you finally broke apart, both of you were breathless. Rook’s lips quirked into a smile as he whispered, "Your lips are the sweetest arrow, mon amour, and they have pierced my heart beyond repair."

You burst into laughter, burying your face in the crook of his neck to muffle the sound. "Gods, Rook, only you could ruin a moment like this with something so cheesy."

He chuckled softly, his arms still secure around you.

And as you stood there in his embrace, you couldn’t help but think that this ridiculous, trashy novel world was the best thing that had ever happened to you.

The parlor was warm with the golden light of afternoon sun filtering through the windows, but the atmosphere buzzed with anticipation. You stood near Rook, his arm casually draped across the back of your chair, as Vil and Epel looked at you expectantly.

“Well?” Vil prompted, raising a perfectly arched brow.

You glanced at Rook, who smiled encouragingly, as if to say, go ahead. Clearing your throat, you announced, “We’re…together.”

Vil sighed dramatically, setting down his teacup with a soft clink. “Finally. I was starting to think I’d have to intervene.”

Epel, on the other hand, froze mid-sip of his cider. Slowly, he set the glass down, stood, and walked over to you. His expression was a mix of grief and dread, like someone had just informed him of some terrible, life-altering news.

He placed both hands firmly on your shoulders and looked you dead in the eyes. “Good luck,” he said, solemn as a funeral bell. “This is a life sentence, y’know.”

Rook chuckled, clearly amused. “Mon cher Epel, you wound me! Surely being with moi is more of a treasure than a trial?”

Epel turned to him, unimpressed. “Treasure? You follow people for fun. You recite poetry to wild animals. You can’t even eat pie without analyzing its existential meaning. I mean, who does that?”

You were already laughing, shaking your head as you patted Epel’s hand reassuringly. “Don’t worry, Epel. This is a sentence I’m more than happy to serve.”

Vil smirked behind his tea, watching the scene unfold with obvious amusement. “Frankly, I’m just relieved we won’t have to endure any more of his tragic sighs every time you left a room.”

Rook clasped a hand to his heart in mock offense. “Oh, Vil! My sighs are poetry incarnate!”

Vil didn’t even blink. “Your sighs are the sound of unspoken melodrama. Spare me.”

Epel plopped back into his seat with a long groan, running a hand through his hair. “Anyway, I guess congratulations or whatever. At least now we can all stop pretending we don’t notice him staring at you like some love-struck puppy.”

“That’s rich,” you shot back, grinning. “You’re the one who looks like your pet rat just died every time we get close.”

Epel huffed. “I’m just saying! Now you gotta deal with him being even more poetic! And clingy! You thought the prince and heroine were bad? Wait till you see Rook when he’s in love. You’re doomed.”

At the mention of the prince and heroine, Vil made an exaggerated sound of disgust. “Speaking of those two… Honestly, has anyone ever been so painfully predictable? The prince has all the charm of wet cardboard, and the heroine—don’t even get me started on her hair ribbons.”

“Ah, the heroine,” Rook sighed wistfully, but there was a glint of mischief in his eyes. “Always so delightfully transparent. Her schemes are like open windows to her soul.”

You snorted. “If by soul, you mean her desperate attempts to turn everything into a sob story, then yeah, sure.”

Epel leaned forward, grinning. “Did you see her crying at the hunt competition? Like, girl, it’s a competition. What did you think would happen? That the griffin would apologize and hand itself over?”

Vil smirked, tapping a manicured finger against his chin. “Or how about the prince declaring his ‘eternal devotion’ to her at the banquet last week? I nearly choked on my wine.”

Rook chuckled, turning to you with a soft smile that was far more genuine than his usual theatrics. “Ah, but let us not waste all our words on such trivialities. This moment, mon amour, is one of joy.”

You leaned into him, your laughter subsiding into a contented smile. His arm slipped around your shoulders, holding you close as Vil and Epel continued their playful bickering in the background.

For the first time since you’d been thrown into this absurd world, you felt completely at ease. If this was the result of being trapped in a trash novel, then so be it. You were exactly where you wanted to be.

Trash Novel Masterlist

Complete Masterlists

[sakurapandadreams]

PLACEMENTS THAT EASILY MAKE FRIENDS

Please take all of these predictions with a grain of salt I'm not a professional astrologer.

FOR ASTRO POSTS HERE IS MY MASTERLIST

If you have any questions here are the GUIDELINES

This post consists of placements that if one has in their chart finds it easier to socialize or understand the social dynamics better in a external settings.

One also needs to take the entire chart into consideration.

🎞 Venus in the 1st house

Natives with this placement are very diplomatic, sweet kind and easy to approach. Quite helpful in nature if their close to you, and even if their not they still very amicable. They almost never break friendships from their side. These individuals have the emotional intelligence to understand how to handle people. Hence they may find it easy to form friendships.

🎞 Gemini Moon

Extremely understanding people. Sure they have their own mood swings and their ups and downs but who doesn't ?. Inspite all odds they never give up in their friendships. Most have an idea that it takes time for a friendships to build and they give that time to their close ones. [To all the people who have a Gemini Moon friend please cherish them]

🎞 Libra Moon

One of their most admirable trait is what helps them form so many friendships and even relationships which they eventually benefit from is the fact they give a very highly thoughtful advice and again know how to make people comfortable around them. They have a decent idea when you need to say what. Won't say a thing if they know it will be a waste.

🎞 Venus in the 10th house

These people are so kind like genuinely their really good at their job [provided they love what their doing] yet so humble. Most I know are very popular atleast in their own groups yet they make sure everyone around them also equally feels like the main character of their own lives [which everyone should].

🎞 Mercury At 29⁰

Such natives are quite popular due to their talkative nature. Most love to talk to people very social. If it's in a 🔥/💧sign then it's a bonus these people are easy to talk to or approach. Also these people don't think before talking lol I love it tho. But yes these people are also good at saying understanding things at the right time.

🎞 Mercury Atmakaraka

These individuals have a way with their words and also have wide variety of topics to talk about. These people always keep a smooth flow of conversations. Have a great sense of humor too. Basically their fun people to talk to so who wouldn't wanna be friends with them

🎞 Jupiter Atmakaraka

Individuals with this placement have a very bright personality and extensive knowledge. Each time you talk to them you learn something new. Brilliant at giving advices too. People may like to talk to them because of their optimistic nature, seeing how they never lose hope is admirable.

🎞 Sun Atmakaraka

The Sun shines the Brightest hence these people are quite popular and leadership comes naturally to these natives. Even if their introverted they may have such a personality which draws people to them. [If you say buddy there's no one who's drawn to me] You guys are also quite intimidating hence there are people who want to be friends with you, it's just you guys need to be a bit more open that's all.

🎞 Venus in Aquarius

These natives are the type of people who are very popular and friends with many people. If their not an extrovert their definitely an ambivert. But what's best about them is how open minded they are let's say they like something which you don't these people don't dismiss other people's opinion.

🎞 3rd house ruler in the 7th or 11th house

Again these people are talkative and their laughter is contagious. Their outgoing people who know how to take jokes. These people also love to talk information. Basically at times they can surprise people with the information they hold. [Not me I know yall 😏😌]. Can have or be a part of big groups. Or have connections with important people YES which means your equally important.

ALSO A VERY HAPPY NAVRATRI EVERYONE 🥳🙏

Credits for the images and dividers goes to the rightful owners

Copyright © 2024 sakurapandadreams | All rights reserved.

[itz-pandora]

Could u give us more info on my bbg Terios/Shadow mayhaps?

Ouggh ok

He's a very shy person. He doesn't like the feeling of being watched or looked at. He's stoic so people tend to feel like he'd be mean, but in reality he's a nice person with social anxiety and attachment issues. He finds it difficult to form meaningful bonds with people, so when he does, he kinda clings to their side. He doesn't understand most of his own emotions and he finds it difficult to express them.

One of his main love languages is physical touch, but he also gets anxious when people touch him suddenly. He only wants to be touched by people he likes. Also, to him, emotional intimacy is very important. Just knowing he's appreciated and valued goes a long way. Taking time to make sure he's comfortable is something that'd really make him like someone.

He greatly respects anyone who can stand up for themself or the greater good without needing power or status. He's awful at standing up to people, so it's a quality he envies.

He respects Stone. He doesn't really respect Ivo, but he fears him, so he treats him with respect. Terios isn't close with Ivo, and Stone is the one who communicates the most with them. Terios and Stone make guac weekly as a little tradition 💕

He's book smart but not very emotionally intelligent. He's the kind of person who falls in love for the first time and gets confused because he's suddenly in panic mode! Also, he's likely got a freeze response instead of fight or flight. (He wants to assess situations and that staggers him in the moment)

He's very polite and proper, so crass stuff makes him flustered lmao

He values friendship infinitely but you can't tell.

He has good coordination and fast reflexes. Also, he's decently strong due to working out and he used to take self defense, so he's much more capable in conventional combat than Sonic is. He's also more muscular in his upper body than Nick is, while Nick is more muscular in his legs (track boy)

Despite looking scruffy, he's the cleanest guy you know. He smells like lavender.

He treats his Chao/Kwami very nicely!! Giving only the best snacks and much love. He would never ever be mean to them btw, and if someone else was mean, obliterate them. His Chao likes to sit on his shoulder and in teacups. Terios made a teacups bed for the Chao (which they don't use bc they wanna be close to him.)

I could be forgetting stuff, but here's your bbg 💕

[lxvebun]

whisper of the heart pt II

bun's notes: I'm really glad you guys enjoyed the first one so much :3 hopefully you will like this one as well.

synopsis: Genshin boys voicelines about you!

content:Alhaitham/Kazuha/Thoma/Cyno x gender neutral reader (so they/them prns used) in this series, their vision is in tune with their emotions, part one explains it the best. Cyno was incredibly difficult i'm sorry if it sucks shsjsjs. Eng is not my first language so I'm sorry for any mistakes!

Part one

Alhaitham

About y/n:

"y/n and I go a long way back. They are a very intelligent, kind, and creative person. We studied under the same masters. Academic rivals? I wouldn't go as far as to say we were rivals per se, but the occasional competition between who got the highest score on an essay wasn’t out of the ordinary. Who won? Well, our scores wouldn't differ much at all actually. Even to the decimal, we usually got the same. When they asked our masters how such different essays could receive the same score. According to our masters, it seemed I lacked creativity in my writing, as they overdid the creative aspect. The masters words, not mine. Although I’ve read hundreds of books and essays in my life already, none could compare to the way y/n wrote theirs"

About vision:

"Unlike other people, I’d say I have decent control over my emotional elemental power, it at least doesn’t manifest in an obnoxious physical sense. That said, as much as I try to control it, the light of my vision starts to flicker and flutter to the rhythm of my heartbeat. So you can imagine the light show that starts once y/n enters my view *sigh* They think it’s, and I quote, "Adorable"...I suppose that makes it alright"

About relationship:

"Hah, You’re surprised I'm in a relationship? While It’s true that I don’t appear as the most approachable person out there, not that I mind, even I am not immune to love… While there’s no scientific proof out there that soulmates exist, against all logical sense, I’d like to believe y/n and I are."

Thoma

About y/n:

You haven't met y/n? Oh, they’re such a sweetheart! such a kind and inspirational soul. I’m sure you’ve seen them run around Inazuma City or Ritou before. They have the prettiest eyes and the most lovely smile. they run a lot of errands and help with general activities and festivals. In their free time, they usually help me out with housekeeping or acompany me to the market. You’re surprised I'm talking so lovingly of them? Well, of course, I would, they are my partner after all"

About vision:

"sigh I’ve had to switch to steel handle brooms instead of the normal wooden ones. It happened one too many times that I would be sweeping the floors and y/n would come up to me, resulting in small waves of fire to flutter around... Let’s just say, I’m glad my Lord has a hydro vision.

About meet cute!:

y/n and I both share a love for animals, I actually met them while they were nursing a bird back to its strength, the poor thing was still young and completely soaked because of the heavy thunderstorms. Word went around they were caring for it and I decided to take a look and see if they needed help, little did I know that I would be meeting the love of my life. We routinely feed the stray dogs and cats together when we’re both free:)"

Kazuha

About y/n:

" I was able to sense their presence in the wind long before I met them. A fragment of my soulmate in the form of a warm summer breeze, bearing the scent of roses and those familiar mapel leaves. As much as I wanted to follow it, I was still a wanted man after all. I couldn’t just return to Inazuma, no matter how much my heart cried for it.

At that time I started to keep a journal on what I was doing, what I was thinking of, and where in Teyvat I was whenever the wind carried them to me, So I could show it to them when we did finally meet. I never had the chance to finish that journal because our paths crossed sooner than I expected. Apparently, just as the wind carried them to me, it did the same for them. Fate has an interesting way of bringing people together. From the moment I stood face to face with them, I knew who they were and by the sparkle in their eye and the way they immediately rushed into my arms, I can guess it was the same for them. We’ve been wandering together ever since"

About vision:

"I’m well aware of how visions respond to your emotions. I don’t actively try to fight it, In a way, i think it’s quite romantic how my vision responds to seeing y/n by sending a breeze through their hair or twirling flower petals around them. They don’t seem to mind either"

About love language:

"From the moment y/n and I met, we decided to travel together. With every step we took, we got to know each other better, and with every rest under the starry night sky, our relationship grew stronger. They love nature as much as I do, and while I show my adoration for it in poems and music, they show their appreciation in colorful paintings and sketches. If we ever run out of paper on the road, I’m not against them using my arms as a canvas, the same way they allow me to ink love poems onto their skin. That way it doesn’t matter how far apart we are, we wear our love for each other on our skin

Cyno

About y/n:

"y/n? The fact that they are my partner is not something I tell many people, but since we are so close, yes, they are. They joined the forest rangers a while ago, I met them when I dropped of some books from the Akademiya Tighnari needed. And while I gave them to Tighnari, I decided it was a good time to tell my new joke…..Tighnari did not find it amusing, but y/n did. To this day, their laughs are still the sweetest melody I've heard, and I'm fortunate to hear them every day through my excellent jokes.

About vision:

"Please, don’t bring that up, I still feel bad about it. I didn’t know my vision would respond so strongly……fine, the first time y/n and I held hands, I got so...flustered I accidentally send a small shock wave where our hands intertwined. They weren’t hurt, but I still feel bad about it. It hasn’t stopped them from holding me though, I’m glad about that

About TCG:

"y/n and I are both quite the genius invokation tcg players, and the more rounds we play the more....energetic we get. Let's just say that Puspa cafe does have a noise limit....

For my birthday they got me a beautiful commissioned card with artwork of us on it. Having it around has become a good luck charm for me. I always keep it on the very top of my deck.

Thank you for reading angels!

[gfmima]

c. 東京卍リベンジャーズ | tokyo revengers + f!reader t. showing why flirting with his girl is a no-no

on nights you had time to spare, you went with your darling boyfriend on his gigs at the club he and his brother owned. you had nothing to worry over, most of your needs were taken care of the moment word spreads of your visit. all you had to do was sit pretty, drink, and watch him do his setlist.

you were utterly wrong when a strange man chose to settle down on the stool next to you despite the empty bar. a tragedy that frequent clubgoers were constantly reminded of after hearing tales of broken bones and disappearances.

his other error was calling the music blasting “lame noise,” believing it would make him appear intelligent and impress you. when in fact, it made him look like a conceited moron.

it was pathetic.

with the scummiest attempt at a smile you’ve ever seen, he drawls out, “ya’ come here often, cutie-pie?”

you cringe hard.

“my visits here are none of your concern.” peering across at rindō, you give him a reassuring nod, telling him nonverbally to relax and concentrate on his set because you could handle one moron for the evening. it wasn’t a big deal to you, but it was for him.

every now and again, he takes a glimpse at you to check on how you were faring. he wanted to know you were find, despite the fact that he might have behaved like a madman. and he didn’t try to hide his emotions. the way the music would increase each time the stranger opened his mouth to offer another overused pick-up line was no fluke on his part either.

he knows you’ll turn down the advances of the ugly bastard, for sure. he knows you were highly capable of taking care of yourself. he saw how decently you carry yourself around his friends and associates.

however, it doesn't mean he won’t fret over your well-being or not be irritated about the unfamiliar bloke next to you. even from the distance between his station and the bar, he couldn’t help but keep a super close eye on you throughout the evening while he transitioned from mix to mix.

ran begrudgingly volunteers to run the DJ booth. 

he had been eager to intervene soon when he first glimpsed the immature scowl on his brother’s face. it was irritating to see him mope around like a mutt in desperate need of its owner. and it was an even more pathetic sight to witness on a haitani of all people.

lighting the cigarette hanging loosely on his lips, he motions for rindō to move along. it was conceited to believe he’d let him anywhere near his ‘darling booth.’ suppose he damages it; misses the ashtray and digs the bud to its body? besides, he’d rather spare himself the argument and continue to sulk in place unless beckoned.

“you’re being a pussy, rindō.” then exhales the smoke in his direction.

he says nothing.

instead he raises the volume until it drowns ran’s voice. the last thing he needs is for him to pull the ‘older brother’ card and nag his ear off.

his brooding comes to a halt once your eyes lock again; this time with you wordlessly asking for him to interject. a surge of adrenaline flows through his veins, he chuckles,

it’s been a while since he started a fight.

“get away from her.” his tone eerily aloof. whispers start up, filled with interest and fear for the guy who is about to meet his end.

“or what, four-eyes?” he mocks, and takes a long gulp of his drink before slamming it down on the bar counter with such force that several onlookers were surprised it didn’t break in his palm.

ran lets out a low whistle.

your boyfriend didn’t hesitate a second later to hit the man on the nose, earning a startled yell at his eagerness to start a brawl. and it didn’t end there! rindō grabs him by the collar and continues to harass him until he was begging for him to stop.

“did you miss me, ‘fuyu~ ♡?”

“can you not be annoying?”

takemitchy awkwardly laughs along. he didn’t know what to do. he heard many stories about the former vice-captain of the first division from baji and chifuyu, though, to finally hang out with the young man himself was a meeting he was happy he didn’t forget.

you happen to come as well which was a big relief since you could keep him in check before he drives chifuyu mad.

he would’ve never figured ryusei was once part of the tokyo manji gang, much more a vice-captain, by the way he carries the conversation for them all buddy-buddy. you had excused yourself from the table minutes ago to order more drinks for the group. and while it was subtle to most but not to takemitchy’s keen eyes, he caught his gaze wandering to your figure every so often to confirm you were okay.

ryusei took his duties as your boyfriend seriously — enough so, he was willing to be thrown out of the restaurant. 

his patience was put to a test as soon as that bastard came up to you. he wasn’t familiar with his name yet he does recognize him as the coursemate you frequently rant about to him during those late night phone calls. in your words, he was a nuisance.

tanaka? or was it takaeda? whatever. he didn’t understand that “no” means “no,” desperate to arrange a date with you regardless of how goofy it made him appear.

“can you quit it? you know that i’m taken. so, why don’t you bother someone else, yeah?” he listens to you not so kindly turn him down. his mouth slips a wisp of a grin, he didn’t need to look to know your arms were crossed and your face bore the most judgemental expression.

“oh, c’mon! he doesn’t need to know.”

ryusei’s eye twitches.

“talk to a brick wall. ‘m not interested.”

one after another, a pool of thoughts flood his head, lagging his ability to think clearly. all that was going through his mind were methods to beat up this scumbag and a barrage of obscenities he would’ve said if you weren’t there to scold him like a disgruntled mother in front of his friends. 

chifuyu, who used to work alongside him, notices the quick change in his attitude and instantly sighs to himself for the ensuing catastrophe to happen. takemitchy, on the other hand, sweats from the heavy, tense atmosphere inside the booth.

“don’t make a scene!”

he rests a hand on his chest in mock offense. “i could never do that!” he pouts. “have you no faith in me, ‘fuyu? i’m simply going to make sure my girl is okay. i know you won’t get it but i’m sure takemitchy does.” then stands up before either of them could say a response.

“hey! what’s that supposed to mean?!”

up until this point, takemitchy had trouble viewing ryusei in the role of former vice-captain of the first division. he didn’t realize how unnerving he could be when you were the object of his ire. without the charming, boyish grin, his new friend emitted a darker aura. he would’ve meddled as usual but if hinata had been in a similar predicament, he would’ve done the same.

he shoves the bastard to the side and rests his arm by your waist to pull you away from his poor attempt at wooing you. “move it. you’re upsetting my girl here.”

ryusei would say he was a good partner. he was patient, not overprotective, and respected your boundaries. he wasn’t easily annoyed but this stranger was beginning to get on his nerves. he wasn’t going to cause any trouble, not after right after he swore he’d behave. he wasn’t listening to a word this guy said, he was going to shrug it off either way until he catches you mime a tiny, “do it,” at him.

your lover delivers a solid hit to his face before he can throw another remark. “what the hell?! fuck, she isn’t even worth all the trouble!” he shouts, as he slumps backward.

once he fled the restaurant, ryusei drifts back to his regular demeanor and feigns an injury in spite his time as a former gang member to have you coddle him.

what a baby.

[evilhasnever]

I am on record disliking "centrist" LXC jokes, because they have been disproven by canon analysis already in better essays than I can manage right now, but I also don't buy "I can fix him" jokes!

Rather than "I can fix him" syndrome, LXC's attitude (towards everyone: his brother! his friends! his uncle!) reads to me as "I want to do good and make the best of our circumstances (within my power)". That means, for example, encouraging Wangji to make friends but still following sect rules when it comes to punishment. It means supporting his brilliant friend's ambition and making sure his angry friend doesn't kill him first.

None of those things include fixing, because I don't think he is under any illusion that Clarity will fix NMJ - he'd have to change his way of thinking, first, and LXC canonically has given up on this or never even entertained the thought (as shownfor example when he does not argue further in front of NMJ's mulish responses about JGY's abuse in Jinlintai, or when he has to concede to NMJ and other sect leaders clamoring for the Wen slaughter).

As for JGY? He does not need fixing, and LXC is the first to recognize that. His goals are worthy and his methods, well... are often the only ones available to him. So what he needs from LXC is just support and understanding, and tbh JGY gives back as much and more than he gets (as shown in canon with the rebuilding of CR, being his confidant, etc.) So LXC does not try to change him, because he believes in the man he is now and in his overarching goals being in line with the greater good.

Basically, LXC does not try to change JGY because he believes him to be right, and he does not try to change NMJ because he knows he won't listen. So I don't get where this headcanon of LXC as the "I can fix him" man comes from when he is just a decent guy who helps the people he cares about, supports his little brother's unwise decisions and protects him from repercussions, provides palliative musical therapy to his friend who is bound to die regardless, and is emotionally present for the man he loves even when he cannot do anything else but offer him a handkerchief in times of struggle.

Basically, "I can fix him" implies a naivete and a rejection of the reality of their circumstances that is in fact not in line with Lan Xichen's canonical diplomatic skills and emotional intelligence.

[dolokhoded]

80s jesus 'verse disciple headcanons pt. 3 (jesus, judas, jb)

my sincere apologies i know i said i'd bost judas "in a little bit" about. 2 weeks ago. here they are. @ that one anon who asked me about judas, my brain works very slowly, there he is

JESUS

ok starting off jesus is gender wacky. idk what he is i use he/him for him but calling him a man feels off. he's my favorite gender identity which is wack.

being somewhat divine does that to you you don't really care for the labels society has completely made up. ANYWAYS

i don't even know what i'm gonna write for jesus i'm sure you know what kinda guy jesus was. 

okay. grew up in nazareth with his parents miriam and yosef and his siblings 

(don't ask me why im using the hebrew form of names for the parents but not jesus himself. it's because we have a hundred marys.)

he has three siblings, two sisters and one brother, and he's older than all of them with a pretty big age gap, he was kind of an accidental pregnancy

(or, y'know, the son of god. but who knows ! )

had a relatively normal life compared to everyone else. i guess reparations for how well his life went last time idk.

jesus is also the only one out of them all who has somewhat of a sense that they've all existed together somewhere before ? he doesn't clearly remember any of it, but he did recognize his disciples when he met them.

he also has a lot of nightmares. they're vague, but very painful.

anyways aside from that pretty decent upbringing. he always knew that he wanted to help people as much as he can.

he learned carpentry from his dad and although he did study political science he ended up just running his father's shop.

however of course he also runs his organization ! which i really struggle to pick a main cause for because like it's jesus ? i feel like he'd care about anything that helps people he's just trying to make the world a little better.

idk. i'll think about it.

before he was doing that he was doing a lot of activist and volunteer work alongside his cousin john ! you guys know cousin john !

and therefore already had a lot of peers and a lot of friends who then followed him and supported him. the first being andrew, who was very close with john and was there when there was just talk between the three of them and maybe some more friends about jesus starting his own cause

aside from carpentry, which he obviously likes and is very good at, jesus is actually a little bit of a creative in general.

he just started with woodcarving with his leftover supply for fun and then slowly moved on to clay and occasionally even sculpting.

likes to give stuff shape anyways

cares so much for his whole team and always reminds them to be kind to themselves and take care of themselves however he has not practiced self care a single DAY in his entire LIFE

will overwork himself to exhaustion if someone doesn't physically drag him away. has before.

for an all loving creature he has the emotional intelligence of a doorknob

dgmw he's great. he's kind to everyone and all that. he's understanding.

still has not known what the fuck is going on a day in his entire life. each time any of his friends looks the slightest bit off he comes to the wildest possible conclusion.

most of the time said conclusion being that it's his fault

he might be a tiny bit self-centered. usually not in a positive way towards himself either, it just means he thinks he's the cause of everything bad happening in his life.

feels like the world revolves around him, just in a very pessimistic way

but he's got a lot on his plate can you blame him.

love how i went "yeah he's relatively doing pretty well" and then gave him a bunch of issues lol sorry jesus

JUDAS

welcome, queers, i know you're here for him, here he is

judas is an only child and comes from a very rich family.

his parents own an insurance company and have like a bunch of buildings they're renting.

generational wealth, basically. it's all inherited and they're making a shit ton of money out of nothing it's all already set up.

judas' family is also very religious.

and i know that so far two out of the two times i've said that it means the parents are assholes but i swear it's not like that james and john's parents are also religious it just wasn't relevant.

but yeah judas' parents are, in fact, assholes. judas was very involved at the temple from very early childhood.

which unfortunately led to him being abused by religious officials that he could supposedly trust and grew up with.

especially once he started growing into his teens and came to the realization that he very much Does Not like women.

which his parents didn't love either.

somewhere around that time he started to distance himself from his family, especially once he moved away for university. judas studied political science but halfway through kind of changed career plans and double majored in journalism

which was very demanding but he did it anyways !

in university he meets jesus. jesus is in his third year when he's in his first and helps him out a lot. they're both very politically active too and always meet at protests and charity events etcetcetc so, yeah, they know each other. and sure there's something there but judas is very closed off and they drift apart when jesus graduates.

oh, judas also has depression, he was diagnosed at age ten, his family was very ashamed of that as well.

in his last year of university, he falls out with his parents once and for all.

they already weren't close, judas was very hurt by them and obviously he had a lot of personal issues with them but to him the line came when he found out about a lot of things that were going on behind closed doors in his parents' company, they were scamming a lot of innocent people and also partnering with a lot of . really just scum of the earth kind of people.

judas got rightfully very upset and had absolutely zero reason to keep covering up any of this. so he didn't ! and obviously that was very disastrous for the company.

judas gets disowned. not legally, but his parents cut all ties with him. not that he wasn't going to do that himself anyways.

obviously though as a consequence he suddenly has very very limited money. luckily for him he's currently in a relationship with his guy, isaac, who's very happy to let him move into his apartment. it would benefit him too to share the rent anyways. as it turns out, isaac's not a great guy ! judas himself isn't too well either so they have a very weird very unhealthy very codependent relationship and though they fight a lot it takes judas two years until he finally finds the strength to walk out on him.

judas didn't think that through very well because he doesn't really have anywhere to go. to his luck, guess who he runs into !

it's jesus. of course it's jesus this is the dolokhoded bible where the main character is still jesus, no matter how much i love to talk about james and simon.

jesus is on his way to a meeting with his team and he's like hey why don't you come along. and judas does. and that's it, he meets the whole gang, he ends up rooming with andrew and philip for a while before he gets his own place.

and, y'know. he does, eventually, in an excruciatingly slow process that tests the patience of all of their friends, get together with jesus.

okay i prob have to write this too uhh sad stuff ahead judas attempts once.

he's spiraling and overworking himself and hiding it pretty well. has some petty fight with john that jesus scolds him about and then has another fight with jesus over that and overall it's not going swell.

strangely enough it's john who decides to check on him after that. he has not gotten along with judas a day in his life but he could tell how upset he was and jesus is hurt and also a little petty and isn't gonna go do it himself so he decides he might as well. to his horror he stumbles into. well. yeah

he survives.

he moves in with jesus, john and matthew for a while after that.

(a lot of them are rooming they don't have much money)

goes back to therapy too.

okay sad stuff over. it gets better. he's doing well. gets a job at an independent news page and becomes quite known among his circles for his work too.

JOHN THE BAPTIST

or JB.

he does not baptize anyone. his first name is john baptist. don't ask me the logic of being named after himself when he hasn't existed yet for people to be named after him ok making an au of a defining characteristic of current human society is fucking difficult

jesus' cousin. his mother, elisheba, is miriam's sister. she's a good fifteen years older than her, and was in her fourties the year that both jesus and jb were born so her getting pregnant was a bit of a surprise.

grew up with jesus and they're very close. they studied together and they theorized together and they discussed everything together.

very big on environmental activism. and by consequence very very anti-capitalism. very anti-fast fashion, for multiple reasons. also vegan :).

jb genuinely believes the human race is the universe's biggest abomination and we should just go extinct. he's not wrong.

he doesn't pick favorites (but he does and they're andrew and philip they're his favorites)

philip was sort of his right hand

he's kind of there to encourage all the shit jesus can't if he doesn't want absolute chaos and zero planning. give simon a pat on the back for getting into fights with racists and all that.

generally he's a little more radical that jesus is. they don't agree on everything but they both respect each other's stances.

he's so well read. it's obvious too, they're all educated obviously, but this guy talks and you can tell he knows his shit. it's very impressive.

and not even in the sense of being well informed and reading theory he knows literature he knows art he's so cultured and i don't like using the word cultured because it often brings to mind a very western very white very high class perception of "culture" but that's not what i'm talking about here.

jb calls himself an atheist in a more political sense. he believes that people shouldn't rely on some higher force to give humanity and morality substance and should instead search for meaning inside those things alone, otherwise they won't have the right motivations to be moral and therefore their beliefs will have no strong foundation.

he grew up jewish but his relationship with his faith is very personal to him and stays between him and god. he doesn't care to discuss it with anyone, except maybe jesus a few times.

sort of everyone's go-to person for advice. he's there to talk the stupid out of them.

his mother was a seamstress, and he learned from her. he likes to make a lot of his own clothes.

professionally, however, he's a translator. he speaks hebrew, english, greek, russian and arabic. (also a little bit of french and german. he's not qualified to translate those though) (is constantly in the process of learning more)

he just fixated on different alphabets as a teenager a little too hard.

[otakusheep15]

i would LOVE a matchup with one of the obey me boys!!

she/her (female)

i’m bi

positives: i’m a very patient person and amazing with kids. im very hardworking and determined. decently creative and pretty academically intelligent. i am a kind person and extremely observant. i can read a room very easy.

negatives: i tend to procrastinate quite a bit, i am quite shy (socially anxious and awkward), i need a lot of reassurance as i get insecure easy and going along with this is i can get jealous. not to a point where im like “don’t talk to them!!” but where i get in my own head about things. my hyperfixations can get quite obsessive lol

hobbies: fashion (? not sure if that counts), sewing, writing, decorating, playing roblox, and hanging out with friends

fav color: PINK!!! my room is centered around the color pink lol

no asmo or levi pleaseeee (love them tho but would rather not be matched w/ them)

i tend to dress more hyperfem, i believe it’s called “shojo girl” now? fav artists are currently lamp, laufey, wave to earth, mitski but i also like bands such as pierce the veil and sleeping with sirens so my music taste has a wide range lol. i’m 5’2 love to travel !! i think that’s about it….

thank you in advance !! love your writing !!!!! <333

You sound like such a fun person anon! Def someone I would be friends with!

I think the best match for you would be Satan!

While Satan can be patient and calm, he isn't the Avatar of Wrath for nothing. Even after centuries of learning to control his anger, he still has a hard time handling his emotions. Someone patient and kind is an absolute must for him. He would also appreciate someone hardworking, as he is a very hard worker himself. He has gained many connections all around the Devildom through hard work, and he values someone who has a similar work ethic. Similarly, Satan also valus someone who is both intelligent and creative. He is very academic himself, but he tends to struggle with more creative tasks, so having someone who is good at both would be nice for him. That way, he can have someone on his level academically while also being able to learn something about being more creative. Since Satan is also quite good at reading the room, I imagine the two of you would have a lot of silent communication about the vibes at any function, whether good or bad.

It's okay if you tend to procrastinate, as Satan is easily the best person to help you out. He's strict about helping you stick to a schedule, but he's kind and (for the most part) patient while helping you. If you have an assignment due that you're really procrastinating on, he'll help you out to ensure you get it done on time. Your shyness is also not a huge deal, as Satan is far from shy himself. The two of you balance really well, as he's able to handle social situations for you. Naturally, he will try to push you out of your shell, but he won't force you if you're not ready. He's more than happy to do the talking until you're comfortable. When it comes to your insecurity, Satan is very good at combating it. He is very blunt about his feelings, and there's never any doubt about the way he feels for you. If he senses any insecurity, he's quick to shut it down. He'll tell you directly that you have nothing to worry about, as you're the only one for him. Hyperfixations are no issue either, as he can often hyperfixate on things as well. Lots of infodumping dates for the two of you. Bonus points if you both hyperfixate on the same thing(s) so that you can talk about it together.

Most of your hobbies are not things Satan is normally interested in, but he's curious by nature, and he has no problem trying something new for you. The only one he has experience with is writing, which is something he loves to do. He's better at writing academic papers and the like, but he's dabbled in poetry as well, and it's something he'd like to practice more. If you ever need someone to bounce ideas off of, or if you need a proofreader, he's your guy. Satan does know some things about fashion and sewing because of Asmo and Levi, but he's not too familiar with either subject himself. If you're willing to teach him a thing or two, he'd love to learn. It's not that he's particularly interested in fashion himself, but he cares about you, and he wants to share your interests. I could also see him enjoying Roblox, if only so he can be mean to kids when he beats them in games. Just make sure he doesn't lose or anything, as he might ragequit, which would not be good for anyone.

I also think he'd love your "shojo girl" vibe a lot. It's not his usual style, but I think he'd find it cute, and he'd definitely listen to the music you like. For him, music is a way to understand someone, so he'd definitely listen to all of your faves.

Rules for matchups

[forkaround]

BL Awards: Catch Me Sobbing Category

Sad things are just as important as the not-sad things and thus...

Scene that has me sobbing for whatever reason.

(BL Awards: At the end of an amazing year of absolute chaos in the world of BL. I come to you with my favorite moments of the year divided into categories that would not make it into any respectable Award show. But this is Tumblr. You know what you signed up for.)

Parpai reading from Sky's journal (Love in the Air)

I don't want to discuss the ethics of this and mileage varies for every other person. But this had me sobbing to the point my mother yelled at me for crying over fictional characters. It's how both of them are hurting. It's about Sky not wanting to open up. It's about Pai being confused and hanging over Sky's words. Pai doesn't know what happened, to Sky in the past and to Sky now and he can't accept that Sky would say all those things. Fort and Peat were acting. Truly in their Oscars bag. I remember holding my breath as if I was underwater throughout this scene. Uff.

Sky not crying and Pai crying in his stead (Love in the Air)

(I can't find a gif for the specific line.)

Who knew that not crying was worse than crying? This scene knocked me off the face of the earth. They are both reeling and the emotional intelligence Prapai shows here, god, another writer, another actor could have made this so much worse than it was. But in Mame and FortPeat's hands this was beautiful. It's gentle, it's mature, it's taking care of Sky before Pai can go around smacking people/taking revenge. But that was not the goal of this story. Revenge tel lene gaya. (revenge goes to buy oil. kinda like revenge go to hell.) This is about grace, this is about healing. I have never seen a narrative like this dealt with such gentleness and keeping the characters 'not-broken'. idk how to explain this. Gun gets everything that is coming to him but in this moment it's not about him. It's about SKY.

GAP: Mon being confused by Sam and crying

Something less intense. I feel for both our girlies. Sam is constantly going hot and cold and that is so taxing for everyone around her especially Mon, who has loved her since she was a kid. tbf Sam doesn't know this. And Sam is herself so tragic. Never expressing who she is and what she wants leaving for those around her to interpret her intentions. As much as I feel for her though, I can't see her as a decent boss.

Triage: Tin goes into a coma and Tol is reading to him

I did not expect this to hurt me as much as it did. I can't quantify even now why I love this show so much. But after the POV switch something about this show just fit. I was going to be so mad if they ended up unhappy. I was barely starting to get comfortable with BLs and their happy endings. And then this hit. It didn't end unhappy but I sure thought it would. (Also the clock tower kiss is just something else)

The Eclipse: Every AkkAyan scene towards the end

There are so many gifs/scenes where this boy is crying. First must have had quite the month crying over and over each episode. He is so stuck in his circumstances, in his own head about what's right and wrong. Brittle things. And you see that with how he is caught in between Chadok and Ayan.

ChadokDika story

Dika didn't deserve it. That's it. (tbf Chadok didn't deserve it either.)

(There's many different ways to kill the one you love / slowest way is never loving them enough)

180 Degrees Longitude Passes Between Us

Literally everyone is hurting on this show and hurting everyone else. And it all just HURTS. I can't fully put a bad guy/good guy label on any of them. It's so complexly human. So simply human. So beautifully human and so pathetically human. Seeing my own family in this show didn't help. Mol can't move on from her past. Inn can't see the future. Waan can't live in the present. Them always being on a different wavelength keeps hurting and I think some part of them recognizes this. The ending doesn't help. It's realistic. It's hard. And it hurts. This show is just:

The surety that no matter how much it hurts it would end happy help enjoy the angst so much better. I didn't have to worry someone might end up dead or they might not end up together. (there are exceptions to this, as you can see)

[onlyplatonicirl]

OBJECTION! I, ANON, REFUTE THEE!

OBJECTION! 1: How many genocidal maniacs has the council actively set out to reform? What’s the difference between killing a bunch of universes once and killing one universe a bunch of times? The number of kills is in the same ballpark, and any character capable of remembering resets will tell you that time travel doesn’t negate a genocide run.

OBJECTION! 2: ‘Not guilty by reason of insanity’. I trust our audience is familiar with the process of becoming an ERROR, yes? And how errors are inherently somewhat unstable to begin with? Add to that instability the compounding factors of solitary confinement and white torture, it is understandable why error lost what little sanity he had left at that point. Anyone familiar with aftertale’s story will know what isolation can do to someone. Is it justified to blame error for his insanity, circumstances entirely out of his control?

OBJECTION! 3: No matter what error’s crimes are, alchemy and the council are SUPPOSED to be the GOOD GUYS. Alchemy especially puts himself on the highest of pedestals, and he’s not shy about how superior he thinks he is to everyone else in existence. How the jailed are treated/punished is NOT a reflection on the morality of the jailed, it is a reflection on the morality of the JAILER. AND ONLY THAT OF THE JAILER. Adding more atrocities onto the pile isn’t ‘justice’, it just makes a shitty situation even shittier.

OBJECTION! 4: Alchemy did absolute jack shit to stop any of the torture happening at that lab. Sure, he strongly objected! But in the end it was all just words that did absolutely nothing. You’d be hard-pressed to recognize that he had any real authority over things! His oversight was pitiful, and his authority laughable. How many people working there actively HATED error? He really couldn’t find ANYONE else to work there? There wasn’t anyone at all who wouldn’t take advantage of having the destroyer in a weakened and vulnerable state? Molly’s existence proves that there were decent people around for that kind of work. His choices of staff were terrible, and his attempts to rein in their worst impulses were nonexistent. He barely even tried.

OBJECTION! 5: Oh, so now we’re calling people ‘monstrosities’? Is error a mindless beast or is he an intelligent person? You can’t have it both ways. Alchemy repeatedly justified his cruel and extreme measures by saying it was all necessary for dealing with a ‘mindless beast’, even when he had PROOF in front of his face that that wasn’t the case. He likened error to an animal that couldn’t possibly be communicated or reasoned with, when he’d seen for himself error’s ability to speak and emote just like any other sapient being. You can’t hold a mindless animal to the same standards as a sapient person. So which is it? Mindless beast, or intelligent being? Alchemy seems to vacillate depending on which one is more convenient for him. Hell, even INK was advocating for error, and they were the worst of enemies as far as alchemy knew!

OBJECTION! 6: I would like to point out how fond of blue the council is. How much they value their treasured friend. But he, at one point, almost became an error himself. What if rescue had been just a little too late? What if he turned into a genocidal monster taking down universes in droves? Would his suffering be so easily dismissed? Would he be treated so harshly? I myself would probably still be angry to lose a loved one to a murderer, but learning that the murderer in question had been tortured to the point of insanity would change my verdict. Things like mercy and reform are easy to toss around when you’re dealing with petty crimes. It takes true integrity to stick to your message when the crimes become severe. This was perhaps the greatest challenge to the morality of the council, the truest test of their conviction to their ideals that even the worst person can change, be a little better, if they just try. This was a test, and they failed spectacularly. As the highest ranking authority on the council, the failure falls on alchemy especially.

I just woke up and am running on three hours of sleep so I can’t even read the first paragraph correctly but I will tag @lordterronus so that way you know that Anon is ready to fight LOL

[wndbrn]

* deep dive character sheet .

NAME: takumi .

BODY

height: 165.1 cm / 5'5 ( a short king 💅🏻 )

strength ★★★☆☆ ( he's a stronk boy )

dexterity ★★★★☆ ( in canon of course his dexterity is relatively high - granted fates doesn't have this as a stat i believe ! he was a sniper, however here and back then there still could be room for improvement . )

health ★★★☆☆ ( takumi's physical health is decent, his mental however is still not. it's a work in progress ! )

energy ★★★☆☆ ( truly depends. he has enough energy for practice and battle even with the lack of sleep he gets due to his nightmares. )

beauty ★★★★☆ ( he's your local pretty boy takumi of course )

style ★★★★☆ ( with oboro's assistance with, he's always stylish. well at least in hoshido. )

hygiene ★★★★☆ ( he's very hygienic and takes great care of his hair ! though it can be somewhat lacking due to battles ; he always bathes after practicing/waking up . )

SKILLS

perception ★★★★☆ ( i would say takumi is hypervigilant regardless of situation. though his perception of situations or others can be off from time to time. )

communication ★★☆☆☆ ( this is literally one of the few things he actually lacks in . he even critiques himself on his lack of communication skills in the dlc lol )

persuasion ★★☆☆☆ ( it's not his strong suit lol )

mediation ★☆☆☆☆ ( do not and i mean do not get him to mediate any situation. he might be able to mediate some like a tiny dispute between hinata and oboro. )

literacy ★★★★★ ( boy reads all the damn time; his reading literacy is great. )

creativity ★☆☆☆☆ ( creativity regarding the arts is practically nonexistent, however he can be creative when playing shogi. )

cooking ★★★☆☆ ( he's an okay cook, i think one of the few dishes he's pretty good at is miso soup - his favorite food. )

tech savvy ★★☆☆☆ ( i say he's rather quick to learn whatever is given to him. )

combat ★★★★★ ( he is able to fujin yumi, one of the few divine weapons and incredibly skilled in the bow. )

survival ★★★☆☆ ( if he gets smacked once or even twice in close combat he's screwed. he's fairly good at keeping a distance, so he can survive the current battle but still land a good hit on the enemy. )

stealth ★★★★☆ ( he's quick and efficient, stealthy too when the occasion calls for it. )

street smarts ★★★☆☆ ( takumi isn't dumb by any means, but i do think he lacks in this department. )

seduction ★☆☆☆☆ ( he can't seduce for SHIT, besides that he's never really even attempted to. during the war and before he had no interest. though this can change ! )

luck ★★★★☆ ( i'd say his luck is decent, most battles tend to go his way. )

handling animals ★★★★☆ ( takumi's great with animals ! i'd say he almost prefers them over people at times. )

pacifying children ★★★☆☆ ( i don't think he's great or bad, he's just average when it comes to consoling any child. including his own, kiragi. )

MIND

intelligence ★★★★☆ ( my boy is incredibly intelligent, others have also praised him for his smarts. )

happiness ★★☆☆☆ ( takumi isn't a happy person overall; iago in the fanbook has made a comment on his rather large amount of negative emotions he holds. )

spirituality ★★★☆☆ ( like most people in hoshido, he believes in the dawn dragon. )

confidence ★☆☆☆☆ ( what confidence ? it is something he's working on so it could be higher later on. )

humor ★★★☆☆ ( his humor is kind of dry if i'm going to be honest. he's a kind of serious guy, but can joke around / poke fun from time to time. )

anxiety ★★★★★ ( oh my god his anxiety is so incredibly bad. )

patience ★★☆☆☆ ( it really depends on the situation at hand ? when it comes to dealing with people it can be low, especially with those he doesn't trust. )

passion ★★★★☆ ( he sure is passionate about about proving himself useful lol but outside of that there are other things he's passionate about like archery. )

nice         ☆☆★☆☆ mean ( it's kind of a mixed bag; he nice to friends and family but not so much to nohrians / people who he doesn't deem as trustworthy. he is working on that and definitely gotten way better ! )

brave       ☆★☆☆☆ cowardly ( i'd never call him cowardly, though he himself might. )

pacifist   ☆☆☆★☆ violent ( this boy is willing to fight in a war if need be, and kill most foe's if it secures victory. takumi is not much of a pacifist. )

thoughtful ☆★☆☆☆ impulsive ( azura in his fanbook does say he's pretty considerate lol . i think he's thoughtful to those he cares deeply about. not much of an impulsive person, until it comes his his words. he can be impulsive when he's upset. )

agreeable ☆☆★☆☆ contrary ( it all depends given the circumstance. )

idealistic   ☆☆☆★☆ pragmatic ( he wishes he could be idealistic )

frugal        ☆☆★☆☆ big spender ( honestmeme ... i don't think he really cares about the price of things. )

extrovert   ☆☆☆☆★ introvert ( nintendo literally called him sensitive and shy 😭 not even that during his and sakura's support he makes it clear he HATES big social gatherings. boy is very introverted. )

collected   ☆☆☆★☆ wild ( it's a mix ! takumi can be cool and collected, but his emotions tend to swing rather frequently. he can be explosive. )

ambitious / possessive / stubborn / jealous / decisive / perfectionist

SOCIAL

charisma ★★☆☆☆ ( takumi's somewhat charismatic in the way. he got mikoto to suggest to corrin to sit on the throne lol. )

empathy ★★★☆☆ ( he does have empathy for others, i swear. )

generosity ★★★☆☆ ( generous to the right people ! )

wealth ★★★★☆ ( he is a prince of hoshido after all. )

honest  ☆★☆☆☆ deceptive ( i'd like to think he's honest and rather straightforward. )

leader   ☆☆☆★☆ follower ( takumi can lead his own troop as proved in conquest, but will follow corrin in both birthright and revelation ! )

polite    ☆☆☆★☆  rude ( rude to most strangers and nohrians that he doesn't trust. again though he's gotten so much better. he can be nice i promise ! )

political ☆★☆☆☆ indifferent ( you could say he's political ? he is reading up government to aid hoshido while assisting here. )

BELIEFS

higher power ★★★☆☆ ( he does believe in a higher power - the dawn dragon ! he does have some of their blood. )

fate/destiny ★★★★☆ ( corrin and mikoto has proven to him that fate and destiny truly exists. )

magic ★★★★★ ( takumi knows magic exists but he's so bad at it oh my god. )

soulmates ★★★★☆ ( kind of. i think he'd believe more in soulmates if he were to find his own. )

good and evil ★★★★☆ ( i'd say he does believe in good and evil. he makes it pretty clear throughout the game. )

luck ★★★★☆ ( he believes in luck, but he doesn't tend to think luck is the sole reason why he wins, ect. )

PRIORITIES

family ★★★★★ ( one of the most important things to him. )

friends ★★★★★ ( well he definitely values the friends that he has . though they may be his retainers , he considers hinata and oboro his friends/family. )

love ★★★☆☆ ( it's not a priority for him. there are other things more important. though he won't be opposed to finding love now that the war is over. )

home ★★★★☆ ( home means everything to him like family and friends. )

health ★★★☆☆ ( ehh, takumi does care about his health but not so much while in battle. unless of course he's severely injured. )

praise ★★★☆☆ ( though he may not admit to it, he does like the praise he gets. even if he may find it sometimes embarrassing and hard to believe. )

justice ★★★★★ ( justice is a big driving force for takumi, and he cares deeply for it. )

truth ★★★★☆ ( the truth is something takumi values highly. though sometimes he shy's away from it when it comes to himself. )

power ★★★★☆ ( he's big stronk, but outside of physical strength he does really value this as well. he desperately wants to be strong for ryoma and hoshido. )

fame ★★☆☆☆ ( fame isn't something he cares all that much about, but he does want recognition for his efforts and accomplishments. )

wealth ★★☆☆☆ ( like stated before he's a prince of hoshido, he's never really worried too much about it. )

others' opinions ★★★★☆ ( takumi has admitted he cares about how others view him, and you can certainly see it throughout the entirety of the game. )

[ladyinredxx]

This is sooo high school, but here are 20 facts about me

1. 5’2” in height (157 cm).

2. April Aries born on April 16, year 2000

3. INFJ

4. I don't smoke or drink alcohol. You can still get me dancing or singing along to good party music, though.

5. Probably the most wholesome and biggest plot twist that happened this year is watching a 12-round boxing match on Discord with a 26-year-old guy I met online. Well, I genuinely enjoyed it because I know a little bit about boxing. My papa loved to watch them and I used to join him as a kid. I still watch them on my own in my spare time as an adult, researching about boxers and titles, and my sister would call me weird.  😂

This guy knows and likes Manny, has attended a live boxing match once, and his favorite boxer is Tyson Fury. He actually showed me more Fury content after the match. It was just something unforgettable because he was respectful and very passionate talking about all of that stuff. He seems like a decent guy.

I’m not gonna lie, he restored my faith in men.

6. One of my favorite aspects of being a woman is being able to dress up and express myself through clothing that shows my love of classic styles. I'm doing it for myself as it serves a purpose in my life that goes beyond superficiality. Fashion is an outgrowth of my character and a means of expressing my individuality. Knowing that I’m put together also gives me the motivation that I need and helps me get through the day.

Believe me, achieving it doesn’t require a lot of money but one’s interest, creativity, and sense of self. It’s a psychological phenomenon, and I know I'm not the only person who gets a serotonin boost from doing it. :)

7. If the parallel universe is true, I hope that my other self is living a soft life. I hope she has a flower or book shop of her own, a Golden Retriever, a garden, and has all the time to prepare three meals a day.

8. I feel drawn to Audrey Hepburn, and she continues to be my role model. She was a pioneer in many humanitarian initiatives back when she was alive. She stood out for her commitment to advocating for the welfare of underprivileged children in her role as a UNICEF Goodwill Ambassador. I've long admired this advocate for children's rights because she shared my passion, hopes, and dreams for children, as those who know me well can testify. 

9. This is my favorite Audrey Hepburn quote which I hold very dear to my heart: “As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands: one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.”

10. I love writing and receiving handwritten letters. Rarely do people take the time to sit down, spend a few hours gliding a pen across paper, and make sure that the words that flow from their hearts are clearly expressed. 

I'll definitely cry at the uniqueness of your handwriting and the sincerity with which you've described your emotions. It is something I will always treasure.

11. I don't need a man, but that doesn't mean I can't love one. They say that a woman who aspires to become a doctor has no interest in getting married. While this theory may hold true for some individuals, there are many married female doctors out there. 

After all, regardless of career, I'm just a woman who grew up hearing about princes and fairytales and, at some point, wished she could have her own. Only that it doesn’t have to be perfect; it just needs to be pure. 

12. I've always thought an older man would be the perfect partner. Someone who’s 2-5 years older is my ideal type for real (Idk it’s cuuute when he’s older). It will be much simpler to come to a compromise with one, and being in his arms will make me feel safe and loved. Ofc, nothing beats one who takes the initiative, knows his priorities, is emotionally intelligent, has a provider mindset, and is ready to commit to you.

13. I’m a dog person. Though I have a soft spot for large-sized dogs as they’re usually calmer and more gentle (especially senior dogs). Don’t get me wrong, large dogs aren’t necessarily superior to small dogs in any way. I know many people who are fond of small breeds as having them suits their lifestyle, besides the fact that they prefer adorable and hyperactive furballs. Regardless, dogs are a blessing in life.  

14. I'll take yema, polvoron, and pastillas over imported chocolates any day.

15. My mom originally wanted to name me “Tatiana” or “Cacharel” [Ka-shah-rel]. She was totally set on them, but my father stood his ground and didn't let her name me either of those names. I won’t lie; I like the rejected ones better.

It doesn't, however, imply that I have come to hate my current name. No one among my friends or I know any Filipino woman with such a name. So, I find it to be quite unique. 😂

16. Letters to Juliet has one of my favorite movie scenes. It's about Claire, who in 1957 was forced to leave her love and wrote Juliet a letter about it. She asked for her advice but received no response. Sophie, a writer, found Claire's letter 50 years later and took on the job of "Juliet's secretary," composing this reply, which I memorized by heart:

Dear Claire, 

"What" and "If" are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side, and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What... if? What... if? What if?

I don't know how your story ended, but if what you felt then was true love, then it's never too late. If it was true then, why wouldn't it be true now? You need only the courage to follow your heart. 

I don't know what a love like Juliet's feels like - a love to leave loved ones for, a love to cross oceans for - but I'd like to believe if I ever were to feel it, that I'd have the courage to seize it. 

All my love, Juliet

Claire took Sophie's advice and eventually married her long-lost love, whom she eventually found. She later read the letter aloud at her wedding in honor of Sophie, saying it wouldn't be possible without her.

17. I love fur pillows and blankets. This may sound a bit odd, but rough-textured blankets do not keep my feet cozy, making it difficult to sleep at night when I use them. But I don't have a choice during an overnight stay in someone else's home, so I accept whatever is offered. You can’t tell me to not use them either because I also can’t ditch the blanket even on a hot night. There must always be a blanket on me.

18. Playing the drums has been a dream of mine ever since junior high. The last time I saw a real drum set was when I tagged along once with a friend to watch him play with the band he formed with some of our music-savvy college friends in preparation for the school’s BoB event. 

I was there for their rehearsal, and I couldn't take my eyes off the drummer as he skillfully varied the speeds and dynamics of his hands while also including his feet. I had never before witnessed someone playing the drums up close. We were in an enclosed space, so I could really feel the strong vibrations the drums produced when hit. It was cool.

He was a friend and a classmate, but I was too shy to ask him to teach me at least the basics, so I never really had the opportunity to learn.

Though, in my spare time, I still watch drum covers on YouTube hehe.

19. If you’re a guy who’s 2-5 years older, we are meant to be together if you have read this far without skimming. If you saw this right away but are about to read the entire thing anyway from the start, then you must like meeeee. Haha jk.

20. Love languages: physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service (aaaaaa this is so corny, but yes, as an oldest daughter who’s always been independent, I felt the need to include it)

[pelagic-crimson]

Ah! Sorry - I think I got a bit overzealous and forgot a bit the actual topic of discussion. That and I've been maybe burnt a bit too much by reddit's frankly abysmal character literacy (then again the consensus there is more "why the fuck didn't anyone pick Heathcliff, the street smarts guy who's proven to be a decent detective and who has the home advantage?")

I do wonder though if some of Dante's seeming social ineptitude is also a result of us being able to take a step back and look at the narrative as a whole and having background knowledge on the sinners. For example with Hong Lu, while there's plenty of examples of him showing deep emotional intelligence, they're pretty subtle and all at times where there's a lot of other shit going on, like Effie bleeding out or the high emotional turmoil of Yi Sang's entire canto, which I think might be intentional on Hong Lu's part. I don't feel like he's meant to be the focus in those scenes, despite what he contributes. We can look at Dante and go 'man you really suck at picking up on these things" but from Dante's perspective they're simultaneously trying to manage the drama of twelve maladjusted sinners while also learning everything about The City and their job on the fly - I'm not entirely sure you can blame them for not entirely catching the full potential of someone who's intentionally trying to stay under the radar. Outis is obviously suspicious in universe, but she's especially suspicious to us because we know how gacha game archetypes and PM's favourite tropes work (though I thought Dante was just confused by Outis, not explicitly falling for her act and that kinda dissapeared a few cantos in anyways).

Or in the complete other direction, given Faust's statements about who Dante used to be, I wonder if their problem could be less social ineptitude and more arrogance or some other aspect of their original personality that might be bleeding through, and Vergilus is trying to correct it before it gets worse and interferes with things. Like remnants of the old Dante that didn't need to fully learn about the strengths and weaknesses of their team because they think they can just typecast everyone into little boxes skill wise and would probably fall for Outis' schtick because they do think they're the most amazing manager that does deserve all this praise. Or maybe it's both! I have no idea where Dante lies on the amnesiac scale of how subconscious (if at all) is their original personality.

Also I wouldn't really call Meursault naive. Naive is always assuming the best or being blind to the harsher parts of reality. Sinclair and Don are naive, and maybe Yi Sang. Meursault's more oblivious and adverse to anything that could be wrong. He knows he doesn't 'get' people, so it's safer to take everyone at face value than to start assuming things that could be wrong. People that are friendly to him give him more information to work with, so he's going to have a harder time doubting them, hence my point about him being easy to manipulate. I'll admit, I kinda totally forgot about him spotting the traitor in 4 and honestly, that's a bit odd imo. I could make some argument about that being a purely logical conclusion based on observation rather than a judgement call, or that Shenre wasn't actually giving out enough information to start creating contradictions between what he saw and she says...but it's way more likely I'm attributing too much of his book character to the game character. The man's been my weird french existentialist blorbo for years and I will admit, it's a little hard to separate the two when you've been familiar with the original character for much longer.

Also seeing the trailer, istg if my joke about Meursault getting into trouble with the police for historical/absurdist reasons is actually right...

*rises from the grave*

*trips and falls flat on my face*

Heyyyy, it's ya boy, your favorite chronically exhausted Hong Lu identity that forgor about posting to Tumblr. Hi. Hello.

So. Timekilling Time, huh? Very fun, very exciting, we love focusing on Sinners that are misunderstood both in and out of character. We love Rodya, Hong Lu, and Ryoshu focus. We love Ryoshu's butch mustache swag.

Anyway, allow me yap about it a bit, because I took frame by frame screenshots of the teaser and I haven't yapped on Tumblr in a while. I'll also give a general update on how I've been doing at the end of the post for those who are interested.

The first thing I've noticed in the teaser is Dante actually lays out the exact traits that their choice of Sinners would need. These being (exact wording):

Someone who can support Dante

Someone who can remain laser-focused on the case

Someone who can be free from biased judgement while making rational, quick spur-of-the-moment decisions

In other words, we need Sinners who will help Dante out, are able to stay focused, and who can think on their feet without relying on their own internal biases.

I think it's important to lay those out as clearly as possible, because it makes the selections made by Dante and Verg very interesting, and also kind of funny.

Let's look at Dante's picks - Yi Sang, Meursault, and Faust. These are all, at a surface level, decent general picks, as all three of them are seen as smart and rational. However, if we look at them while keeping the previously mentioned traits in mind, it turns out these three might just be some of the worst picks Dante could ever fucking make.

The biggest issue - none of these bitches can think quickly. Faust is especially notorious for this, as it's consistently pointed out how she always needs a long time to come to a conclusion or otherwise has to pause to come up with answers. We also know Yi Sang is the type of person to get lost in his thoughts and just meander instead of getting to the point. Meursault is a bit of an outlier in that we see that he can think quickly, but if he's not given any orders he's never gonna act on those thoughts. Admittedly, he has been getting better at speaking up over time, but he's still mostly in this "only does what he's told to do" mode of operations.

This is where their issues split up a little bit.

Yi Sang is probably the most likely to be supportive of Dante out of the three - we see that he cares about others and has learned to interfere and give advice when he feels it's necessary (though who knows if he's doing well enough to keep that up after Canto 6, oof). No, rather his other issue lies in the focus department. This is the guy who, as I previously mentioned, meanders all over before getting to the point. Again, like Meursault, he has been getting better at not doing that, but he's still got ways to go.

Faust and Meursault on the other hand have the opposite issue. While they're fairly goot at staying focused on what they have to do, the issue is that they never fucking speak up. They're probbably the furthest from being supportive of Dante. They're most likely to learn info and just keep it to themselves until everyone has wasted way too much fucking time. Hell, Meursault would probably make a decently good detective if allowed to do the case all on his own, but since he's meant to be a part of a group, he's unlikely to help out that much without Dante directly ordering him around.

Now, onto Verg's picks - Rodya, Hong Lu, and Ryoshu. This is where things get really, really interesting. Because we have the reverse situation to Dante's picks - on the surface the choices seem random and counter-intuitive, but if we look deeper, it turns out they all fulfill the requirements surprisingly well.

I'm about to go on a tangent here, but I find it extremely important that we're focusing on this group of Sinners in the first Intervallo between what I consider to be the most thematically different arcs within Limbus. The first half of Inferno has been pretty squarely about confronting one's past, whether learning to face it properly after running away from it (Gregor, Rodya, Sinclair), or learning to move past it after refusing to let go of it (Yi Sang, Ishmael, Heathcliff).

However, looking at the Sinners we have left, it feels like the second half of Inferno might be focused less on the past specifically, but more about the Sinners' general reality. Especially the next upcoming trio of Cantos - Don Quixote, Hong Lu, and Ryoshu - have some heavy thematic focus on the idea of one's perception of reality, especially fitting for the three Sinners with weird eye shit going on.

With Timekilling Time focusing on the Sinners most misinterpreted by others in-character (and out of character), it feels like the perfect intro to this switch in thematic focus - exploring the actual realities of people who are otherwise hard to understand.

Anyway, back to discussing how Rodya, Hong Lu, and Ryoshu fit Dante's requirements.

Supportive of Dante - this is the requirement all three fulfill pretty well. Let me explain.

Rodya is probably the most obvious - she's a hypegirl through and through, and happy to take the reigns in some way or another if nobody else is able to, as we see in Canto 2. She's often one of the first people to point out when someone is not doing well, and shares a lot of her insight if in the mood, but she also knows when discretion is necessary.

Hong Lu is a fun one here - he's extremely perceptive and insightful, often sharing his thoughts with very little prompting. His only issue is that he tends to backpedal when he feels like he said something wrong, or generally just words shit in weird slightly offensive ways. He's supportive, he just doesn't always talk like he is.

Ryoshu is one I find most interesting here, as a lot of people seem to miss this about her character - despite her short temper and peculiar manner of carrying herself, she's actually pretty understanding and helpful towards people she's on amicable terms with. She always explains her acronyms if asked (and when she doesn't it's usually because people stop asking or Sinclair translates instead), she listens when told to stand down or otherwise do something when asked of by Dante or Sinclair, and the reason she tends to stay quiet is because she only speaks when she feels what she has to say is important.

Staying focused - this one is a bit harder to judge, but I'd say the only one who might not fulfill this one is Hong Lu, but only by a margin. Ryoshu is shown to get so focused she gets impatient when she can't get to the point, and Rodya always has her goal in mind even when she might act like she doesn't. Hong Lu is a bit harder to judge, as he seems to be the type to prioritze gathering information and satiating his curiostiy over the main goal, but in a case like this that might just be a massive plus.

Unbiased quick thinking - again, all three fulfill the quick thinking part very well. Rodya shows it constantly throughout Canto 2, Hong Lu shows it best in social interactions, and Ryoshu just doesn't want to waste time and so she naturally thinks quickly as well. It's when we come to the unbiased part that things get extremely interesting.

As individuals, Rodya, Hong Lu, and Ryoshu are all very biased people. Rodya sees the world from the perspective of someone who suffered in the poor Backstreets. Hong Lu sees the world from the perspective of a rich Nest dweller coming from a family of dubious morality. Ryoshu sees the world from the perspective of (probably) an ex-Ring member obsessed with the art that is reality. Their backgrounds color the information they take in a lot.

However... this means that as a group, all three balance each other's biases out. Rodya's cynicism gets balanced out by Hong Lu's idealism, which is balanced by Ryoshu's realism. Their backgrounds couldn't be more different, and thus give the widest possible perspective when put together.

I think this is the point Verg is making with this selection. Dante's selection is the easy way out. It's people that Dante already knows how to deal with, and would rather pick even if their skillsets don't fit the situation. Verg is making Dante learn how to work with Sinners who might be harder to deal with, but have skillsets more fitting for the situation at hand.

Dante can't keep half-assing everything by always turning to the same few people. Every Sinner in the group has their use and are smart in their own unique ways. They have to figure what every Sinner's strong point is, otherwise they'll end up putting everyone in danger by relying on people who are simply not good in a situation while ignoring those who could help.

So... that's what I think.

Anyway, personal general update - I'm still alive! And also very swamped with college and constant exhaustion. So, things will have to change a bit moving forward.

Number one - I will not be returning to old analysis requests. There's too many at this point, and I just don't have the time to sit down and write longass posts whenever I want anymore. However, that isn't to say E.G.O and Sin analyses will never return! I have plaaans for what I want to do with those moving forward, it just may take some time to materialize.

Number two - I'm generally just more active on Discord than on Tumblr. Yapping on Discord feels more natural for me, as it's just... less formal than making a full post I guess. So, if you want to discuss things with me, or if you're on a server that you think would do well with having me yapping in there, feel free to shoot me an invite link in replies (or in DMs if you don't want it to be public)!

Number three - Go check out the Absolute Pride Resonance event on Youtube! I'm not a part of it maybe next time wink wink nudge nudge, but you should still check it out cause it's a bunch of cool people doing very scuffed streams, as is fitting for the scuff Project Moon is known for.

Alright, that's it. I still don't know how to end Tumblr Posts. Bye.

[rcksmith]

Not you — Five Hargreeves

Requests: “Five Hargreeves x fem!reader, Fluff prompts 9, 52 and 53, please? (You can do this whenever you feel like it) Five and Y/n are both hit by one of Hazel and Cha-Cha’s bullets in the Gimbel Brothers store and they immediately go to the academy (Five wants Y/n treated as soon as possible.) after they’re fine, the siblings start to question them on Five’s protectiveness over Y/n”

“Hii could I request 4 & 23 off the fluff prompts for Five pls ty 😌✨”

Fluff prompts:

4. “Sweetheart, you’re my entire world”

9. “So you're saying that girl is your girlfriend?!" "No, that girl is my wife!”

23. “i’ve dreamt about this.”

52. "Help her first."

53. “There are no limits when it comes to you. I’ll do anything to keep you safe.”

A/N: We not tolerate any pedophilia here !!

I write about Five with their 20s. I write the same about the characters of Harry Potter.

I hope you guys like💖I decided to compile these two requests, since they were the same energy and they prompts connect to a central plot. I added all the elements that were asked for individually, and made sure that all ideas were respected and written down. Good reading.

I used here some fragments of the central plot of Five, but, guys, keep in mind that he is 20 years old, and that when he comes back to 2019 Five does not make a mistake in the calculations. I changed the location of the fight too, but a really I hope you, Anon # 1, don't mind.

English is not my first language, so I so sorry if have a mistake.

Requests are open. Love you ❤️

Couple: Five Hargreeves / Fem! Reader.

Warnings: blood, mention of death, swearing, fluff too.

— — — — —

You remembered perfectly when you met Five Hargreeves, the commission's golden ball, The Handler's award-winning shamrock. If you closed your eyes, even after years, you could still smell the male cologne wafting in the air, and you could relive the same feeling in the pit of your stomach that you had when he looked at you with those obsedian eyes.

Five Hargreeves was gorgeous. Absurdly gorgeous. But absurdly arrogant, boastful, presumptuous and completely absent of any delicacy in relation to empathy and kindness. He was the type who would open the door for you to enter first, but who would be the first to make fun of your erroneous reasoning.

And that was why, at the time, when you were assigned to be his partner, you lived in conflict with what you really felt. It was a mixture of tantrum and physical attraction.

But unlike all the people around Five, when he spit fire at you with all the anger at his difficult temper, you didn't run. In fact, when it exploded the first time in front of you, you crossed your arms, arched an eyebrow and looked at him with boredom.

“Have you finished your show yet?” You said, as if you didn't care, leaning against the hood of the car while Five screamed through the 7 winds “Stop to imply with everything.”

Five had been your partner for a few months now and it became clearer each day that the irritation was mutual. He made it perfectly clear that you pissed him off until his last hair.

But, unlike you, it was for another reason.

Shit, you were a fucking goddess! Your beauty was notorious, but that was not all that caught his attention. You were smart, canny, brave, Five never saw you in fear of any situation or shaken by any scene of blood. You knew your goals and went after them. It was strong, decisive, and, goddamn, he loved it. You had a fist, you were firm, and you always made it very clear that you were no helpless maiden.

It felt like you had gotten out of his imagination, from the daydreams in which Five rambled about what kind of woman he admired. And, hell, you came with the full package. It was a combination of overwhelming beauty, intelligence, dexterity, and he never thought that someone like that could be real.

But of course you were. And now Five was completely irritated because you were real, and not just another his dream and daydream in which a sublime woman starred.

“To Imply?” Five turned to you, eyes on fire “To Imply?!”

“Like a 2-year-old who didn't take his afternoon nap. It's not the end of time, it doesn't have to be childish.”

Now Five felt himself ignite. He was a dry, rough fire and you were gasoline, igniting everything saw ahead.

Was that damn woman calling he a child?! You?! Just you, the person whose Five wanted to tie the bed and do all kinds of sinful things.

Oh hell no!

Five came forward, furious, like an angry god, his coal eyes never leaving your direction.

“Childish, isn't it?” He snarled “I'm going to show you the childish!”

Five held your face tightly in his hands and pressed your lips to his. Fierce, needy, set on fire, lost in half sentences of feelings about you. He slid his hands to the back of your neck, closing his fingers in your hair and invading your mouth with his tongue, letting you taste the caffeine, danger and lust he had.

You sighed, or Five, or both. You held him as close as he was, with the two of you being on the same mission: to conquer, to take, to possess. But Five had an extraordinary intensity, a magnitude that managed to win you

Then your touch became more docile, your kiss became submissive and you were surrendered. When Five walked away, not with his body, he still held you against him, but with his head, enough to look you in the eye, you sighed.

“I’ve dreamt about this.” You gave up your game, because you couldn't pretend anymore, and Five responded by kissing you again, this time tasting your whole mouth.

After that day, Five and you never came apart. You two were like a dynamic duo, crime partners in the morning and intense lovers at night.

But Five spent so much time with affection, love and caring being denied that when, on a night when work got the best of him, Five fell into the bed you shared in a Motel room, very close to your lap and you smiled sweetly and ran your fingers through his black hair, establishing the affection there, Five was catatonic.

His wild mind wanted to take it away and go, tell you to swallow those loving gestures and that he would never need them. That they were a nuisance, a distraction.

But his body and heart... well, they begged Five to stay another second. Just one more second enjoying that touch, the care, the importance that someone felt for him. He liked to be pampered, who knew.

So he ended up falling asleep with your touch and, after that day, Five realized that if his body and heart couldn't get any further from you, then no one would ever take you away from him. You would stay with him, until the end. As long as you wanted to stay.

And you wanted to. You wanted all the stages, all the moments, all the fights. You wanted Five, completely. And after some time like that, he said that you two were going to get married. It wasn't a request, it wasn't a speculation, it was a fact and that's it. You laughed, it was Five's style to be embarrassed about something and treat it more coarsely, just because he didn't know how to deal with the emotions he felt.

“Of course I do.” You reassured him by bringing your hands to his face, tracing affectionate circles on his cheek with your thumb.

“You would have no other option.” He grunted, not looking at you, trying to divert attention from his own racing heart.

You laughed and sealed the future of the two of you with a kiss.

After five years of making it official, Five said he had found a way for him to get home. And as he spoke, you noticed a flickering hesitation in his eyes. You knew, at that moment, that Five would leave it behind if there was a chance that you wouldn't want to go along. He promised to love you, in joy and sadness, in difficult times and in good times, and he never broke a promise.

Five Hargreeves would stay for you. In 1963, in 1988, in 2019, it didn't matter the season, the year. It wouldn't be worth anything if didn't have you by his side.

But, like him, it was logical that you would never abandon him, ever. So you went along. It was together in the murder in 1963, it was together at the time of the target, and it was together when he jumped in the portal. You were with Five when he reunited with his family, they all amazement by the 13 year old little brother who disappeared to reappear as a man of 25. On top of that accompanied by a girl.

But Five still couldn't administer his emotions properly, he still couldn't say that he missed his brothers and that being without his family had been terrible. His past contained many shipwrecks and he did not know how to open up about it. After so many years alone and then killing without any judgment, it was difficult to connect with emotions.

So, instead of saying everything that screamed inside him, after just some time with the siblings he took your hand and pulled you out, telling the Hargreeves that he would go after a decent coffee.

“I wish I could have talked to them better.” You grumble whit Five and he rolled his eyes.

“As if they were going to understand the things you were going to explain.” He murmured, covering the whole issue of the Commission and time jumps.

“This is not difficult to explain.” You raised your left hand, signaling the silver circle that hugged your finger.

Five laughed, sipping his coffee.

“You will be my wife forever, there is plenty of time for you to tell that.”

But as soon as Five's words had just left your lips, blowing in the air like fog, the door to the store opened, and you two didn't have to turn around to find out who they were. Years on the commission have earned you enough training to even recognize the sound of their footsteps.

The exchange of looks that Five and you gave was enough to know what each one was thinking and how they would act. That was your secret language, the superpower that you two shared. No words were needed to understand each one like the back of your hand.

You took a deep breath, while your fingers on your right hand steadied yourself on the coffee cup and Five on the knife. There was no waiting for speeches, exchanging words, you both knew that the Commission would send the best agents besides you, and Hazel and Cha-Cha were not known to be late at work.

Then the action started, Five turned and teleported with the knife, shoving it into the leg of one of the agents covered in rabbit masks. You didn't stay behind and swivel your chair around, throwing the sizzling coffee into the second's hands, causing him to drop the gun on the floor. You didn't wait to kick him in the chest, making him stagger backwards as you got up from the chair. You and Five were good, but so was Hazel and Cha-Cha, and you couldn't count on the powers to dodge physical attacks.

Everything was very fast indeed, windows were broken, punches were exchanged, blood was plucked. But when you looked to the side and saw who was probably Cha-Cha pushing Five against a broken glass stake, you understood why love at work was so dangerous. You understand completely. Because you've lost your focus. It took a thousandth of an instant for years of training and improvement to be thrown out the window. Only the possibility of Five getting hurt got you off track, and that was fatale.

The agent who fought with you took advantage of your distraction, reaching for the gun that was on the floor in that split second. And a shot reverberated through the place.

Suddenly, the world for Five stopped the axis. Everything was suspended, appalled, frozen. And in that very second, his body shivered from head to toe, as if misfortune had sighed in his neck. Five Hargreeves never feared anyone, even death itself. But as soon as he heard the sound of the shot, Five tasted death. Was rough, metallic and cruel, the blood drained from the body and the world released a dark and funeral note, sinking into a black sea.

Because fear is not the bullet hitting you, but someone you love.

Five turned back, eyes wide, hands shaking, and he didn't know what was beating faster: his fear or his heart.

He would remember that moment as the most cruel and frightening of his entire life, years in the apocalypse and killing had no comparison to the terror that was seeing your white shirt start to be stained with blood, the bullet hole marking your abdomen. You looked up at him, shocked, livid, and Five could see death perfectly, pulling the vitality out of your eyes.

He didn't think, he didn't reason, he just teleported himself to you, taking your body in his arms and teleported you two away from there. Five’s hands were shaking, a visceral pain snaking through his body and suffocating him with the worst sensation Five had ever felt in his life.

He took you both to the Hargreeves mansion in the blink of an eye, his powers failing when the blue flash left you both in the giant living room.

“Five!”

Maybe it was Luther's voice, or Klaus, or Diego, he didn't know. Everything was a distant echo, a note submerged in the water. Five saw or heard nothing but your body in his arms, your eyes closed and face frighteningly pale, his right hand, which was pressing on your wound, was already soaked in blood.

It was too much blood, the smell was overwhelming, and for the first time in a long time, Five Hargreeves was in despair.

Hands touched his shoulders, and Grace's voice was heard in the background. But he didn't want treatments, whatever the goddamn his wounds were going to be.

“Help her first!” Five shouted, his voice finding strength in the terror he felt. And also in fury.

The Handler would pay for that, and so would Hazel and Cha-Cha. And, by God, the whole world would pay if you never opened your eyes again.

“Right now.” Maybe it was Pogo “But, Five, are you…”

“No!” He ordered “She first!”

Then Grace's hands took you out of his arms and Five refused to leave you for even a second. He was beside you at the operating table, holding your hand, with him bloody fingers of your blood and the agent he had fought.

But Five didn't care about the himself state, the people around it, or anything. His eyes were focused on you, his face frozen in a livid expression.

And when Grace said that you would need a blood transfusion and Five barely let her finish speaking before rolling up the manga and extending his arm, the siblings Hargreeves and Pogo were shocked. What they saw in Five's eyes was not a man afraid of losing someone, but of losing the person he loved.

I shouldn't have come back. Was Five's first thought when the surgery ended well and you were still asleep. It was his fault that you almost died. And everything was buzzing in Five's head like a propellant.

“So…”

Klaus appeared in the kitchen, with the siblings, while Five was washing the blood from his hands, now calmer since you were alive.

“That was heavy.” Luther let out a little gasp, a kind of choked laugh.

“Aren't you going to tell us what happened?” Allison sat at the table.

“She almost died because of my decision, that's what happened.” Five replied, turning and picking up a cloth from the table, drying his hands.

“Five...” Allison made his eyes go towards his sister “Who is she, actually ?”

Five gave a bitter laugh. Who were you? How would he explain it?

You are everything. The reason wake up everyday was good, what made the summer breeze and the sun's rays warm, the reason why his world was still spinning.

Who were you? It was absolutely everything for Five.

“Someone very important.” His whispered escaped.

“So you're saying that girl is your girlfriend ?!" Luther looked at Five in shock, as if the possibility of him having a girlfriend was absurd.

“No.” Five looked at Luther with fire in his eyes, his voice hoarse “That girl is my wife!”

The room's breath evaporated, everyone was dumbfounded and bewildered. But Grace came in at that moment, saving Five from continuing that conversation.

“She woke up.” His mother's voice was soft, and Five dropped everything he was doing and disappeared into the blue flash.

The first thing he noticed when he entered that room was you sitting on the bed, your back against the headboard.

“Hey...” the smile you gave made Five's world spin again.

He didn't wait a second before walking up to you in quick steps, holding your face in his hands and sealing your lips in a desperate kiss, as if that could prove that everything was fine.

“I thought I lost you.” He whispered against your lips, hands shaking, thumbs stroking yours cheeks.

“Bad vase doesn't break early.” You joked and Five laughed softly, his forehead touching your. “Were you hurt?”

He denied it, still with you, as if letting you was impossible. Maybe it was.

“I got distracted, I'm sorry that we let them escape and...”

Five interrupted your sentence

“Sweetheart…” You stopped, bewitched by his tone of voice “You’re my entire world.”

Five wasn't calling Hazel and Cha-Cha right now. He would kill that entire Commission later. Later. Now the only thing that mattered was you.

“I shouldn't have broken our contracts with the commission. I shouldn't have put you in this.” He said “But ... but I am very selfish, and even though I knew it would be better to let you go back to the Commission, I cannot live without you...”

“Hey, I not go come back.” You held his hands that were on your face, looking at him with love "My place is with you.”

“I promise you that I will never let anyone else hurt you. Even if I have to kill every single person on this planet. ” Five guaranteed “There are no limits when it comes to you. I'll do anything to keep you safe. ”

You smiled, put your lips together in a passionate kiss and whispered:

“I only need you, my love. Forever.”

[cheese-induced-madness]

twobrains x reader headcanons bc i can't be the only one simping for this guy. under the cut bc long post. minors beware, it gets a little suggestive at times (like pg-13 levels, i'm not putting straight up pr0n in the main tag like an animal)

-Dr. Two Brains is a man who is very free and unrestrained with physical affection. If he enjoys your company, expect him to be extremely touchy feely with you in an almost infuriatingly casual manner. He'll pull you in close, hold your hand just for the sake of it, snuggle up next to you if he's sitting down near you, or just keep an arm around your waist. He's also not above letting his hands wander into less innocent places (with respect for all boundaries, of course.)

-That being said, as open as he is with the physical and sensual side of things, emotional intimacy is where he struggles. He has a reputation as the most dangerous villain in the city to uphold, and feelings are complicated when you have two brains that hate each other, so he has to have complete and total trust in someone before he really lets them in. He sees vulnerability as very high risk/high reward.

-The mouse brain cares about nobody and nothing except for cheese. While Steven will love you dearly regardless of the mouse brain's opinions, Squeaky will either see you as a means to an end for more cheese, a tolerable neutral party, or a distraction from his ultimate goals, depending on how into cheese related crimes you are. There may be a bit of infighting between the two brains depending on how mean Squeaky decides to be about the whole situation.

-Dtb would never allow himself to hurt you. He may be grouchy at times, he may raise his voice in annoyance (and immediately regret it), he may break promises if it means he gets cheese out of it, but he would never lay a hand on you in anger. He isn't perfect, and he's certainly evil, but he draws the line at being abusive. That's one low he simply refuses to sink to.

-He makes an active effort to compliment you a lot, especially on specific things so you know he's being genuine. He's pretty fond of calling you cute or sweet, and he makes sure to let you know he thinks pretty highly of your intelligence to balance out how much he brags about his own. If you shoot him compliments back, it'll catch him off guard and he'll absolutely melt. As popular as he is as a villain, he's also still highly feared, so it's rare that he feels genuinely loved.

-As much as he wants to give you hickeys, he is also highly nervous about where the line between love bite and painful bite would lie when he has teeth that can chew through solid steel.

-He likes having you around while he's building rays. It's nice having someone to bounce ideas off of, and even if you don't fully understand how it all works, just giving him the chance to explain his process out loud if he's hitting a wall can help him realize exactly what may be going wrong.

-Sometimes he'll make an unnecessarily long string of really bad puns to annoy you because he thinks you're cute when you're suffering from his terrible almost-comedy.

-If you are not already an active villain, twobrains will offer to show you the ropes of doing crimes and help you plan out your first spree. Of course, if getting involved isn't really your deal, he'll be perfectly content with letting you hang back at his lair while he and the henchmen go on cheese heists, as long as you bring him a block of cheddar now and again when inevitably he ends up in jail again.

-If you ARE already a villain with a decent reputation, expect him to get just the slightest bit competitive about the title of top villain. He won't take it too far, but he definitely gets a little salty if you ever manage to rank higher than him, and then immediately tries to one up you with an extravagant heist, which, most of the time, will fail spectacularly. Also expect him to consider rampaging through the city while constantly slipping flirting in with the standard villain banter to be a date.