#a friend and i once started going through the archive of the blog trying to figure out what was going on in chronological order

[mars-ipan]

what is lovemaol

i do not know how to even begin to explain something that i can barely comprehend

[ladyyatexel]

Friends, Romans, Tumblrites, lend me your reblogs.

I'm Xel and I live in a society! I think there's a solid chance you do also! So you may relate to the profoundly crappy thing that happened to me and that I once again need a community assist.

I lost a temporary job that was supposed to turn into a permanent job in June because no one there felt safe enough to retire. Only two of us in the apartment were under 50. One of the crew was over 70. Three were chronically ill/disabled. No one felt safe enough to leave in order for me to stay, so I was trained for basically 6 months for nothing.

I have survived on savings from that job until this point, but I'm at the point where I cannot pay rent. I'm looking into getting help from sources more local to me but the internet has always felt like people who cared about me more than the people I share DNA with, really.

Many of the social services that I was signed up for expired the day that I was supposed to be told that I would be a permanent hire, and since that didn't go down, now I have to start it all again from the beginning, and there are gaps in my security net.

I tell you all of that just to say that I am actually trying to do things, I'm not here to just beg and coast along on some sort of lavish lifestyle where I, uh. Keep living in this dodgy apartment with my cat.

I don't want to bore you with an itemized list, but like 2,000 US dollars would get me through September and October without being worried about it like every 3 minutes. My rent is 700 and change, if you would like to know that. So I'm looking for like September and October rent and money to renew my driver's license, pay a few utility bills, buy a bag of cat food, and refill my medications.

If you have the notion to toss help at an internet pal or the extended reblogged acquaintance of an Internet pal, as is more likely the case, probably, that would be super rad of you.

I'm an artist! You could get things with images on them from me! I sell buttons, prints, and commissioned illustrations if that's your thing. My commissions are going a bit slow as of late - I only recovered from being not really able to walk like 2 months ago, and so I'm doing a lot of catch up like everywhere else in my whole life and trying not to spend too much time at a desk since it aggravates the spine thing that was the problem in the first place.

To be honest, it would be a greater help to me to just receive some Aid rather than full-on commissions, but I completely understand feeling fishy about people getting something for nothing and also feeling bad for being a charity case on the internet, so I'm not opposed! If you want to chat about that, I have a commissions post on the side or top of my blog depending on where you're looking at this!

Ko-fi contains my buttons and is a good place to toss digital dead American presidents if that suits you. I will get hit by some PayPal fees in this process but, I'm willing to call that a call for help on the internet tax.

I promise I'm a real person and not a bot who has made up a cat and is pretending to have interests. My blog has been here since 2010! I've met people on this website in person and everything. I've had embarrassing obsessions no bot would bother coming up with. Speaking of:

Similarly to times before, I would like to be able to do something in order to feel like I have earned some kind of support, and as of my birthday last week I have resolved to try very hard in the next year to conquer my fear and absolute mortification about many of the things I make, so I will once again go digging into my archives for things I can post for you to enjoy as thanks and tribute! I also have a poll running right now to see what kind of buttons people want!

Thanks for taking a look! Be nice out there, take care of your spines!

[desperate-timesau]

The End

Well... who saw this one coming?

Yeah, it's true. Desperate Times is officially being cancelled. I don't make this decision lightly, I've been thinking hard about it for a while, but I don't have as much ambition for this project as I once did.

I first created Desperate Times back in November 2019, merely as my own take on Underfell. It started off with just me, an amateur writer who was barely getting through high school, and a friend I had just met on DFC who was incredibly talented with sprite art.

Together we started something incredible, and as time passed I eventually had a whole team of people helping me bring my vision to life. Did I know what I was doing managing a whole team of talented volunteers? Absolutely not, but I owe everything I have up until this point in this community to them all.

The comic begun and it frankly was a mess. I had no solid outline and wrote as I went along, we had no real form of cooperation and just made assets at random intervals of time and not even ahead of time. But as even more time went on I learnt from that mistake and it blossomed into something truly great.

The writing quality improved, the assets were stellar as always, and I was happy to share something I had so much passion for with the community, and didn't expect to get as big of a following as I ended up getting. We even starred in UnderEvent 2023 which I still can't believe to this day. I never felt like my work belonged up there with all those incredible creations, but it was there.

Then after the beginning of the Snowdin arc, I lost a lot of motivation. Not long later my mother passed, and my life was thrown into chaos for the rest of the year. That brings us to the radio silence we've had for such a long time.

What I'm trying to say is, thank you. To those who helped work on Desperate Times, those who read the comic and took interest, those who gave me a few pointers. You all know who you are.

Is this the end of my time in the AU scene? Absolutely not. This is merely me moving on to the next stage of things, the next evolution. For those who wish to see where I go next, stay tuned as there'll be one last post after this one.

I'll forever be grateful to all of you.

The blog, Soundcloud, YT channel etc will all stay up but will be archived and no longer updated. The Discord Server will stay up for a time but will eventually be deleted.

I don't know what else to write about so, I'll end it here before I type way more than I actually should.

[jakowskis]

torchwood fanfic resources

so i'm a chronic livejournal archaeologist, and fixating on 2000s media is particularly fun for me because it means i get to go digging on lj / dw / old fanfic forums. below you'll find some of the excavations from my torchwood fixation (give it up for month 6!) it's pretty much got every comm i've ever stumbled upon and found useful, or thought others would find useful. it's largely fanfic-oriented, though there's some more generalized comms, too. i hope you guys enjoy!

i was originally going to include a link to my reclist on this post as well, but it's still a wip, so i'll just post that separately in the future.

general disclaimer: most of the content here is from 2006-2013 or so. period-typical attitudes may pop up in places. i'm not sure if most modern tw fans have witnessed the original fandom at all, but i felt a need to say this anyway, because i've seen some icky stuff. i've warned for anything notable. gwen bashing in particular may unfortunately pop up in some of these comms, especially in the comments, so tread carefully.

if you're new to probing through old lj comms, remember to always have the wayback machine on hand, because you're going to run into a lot of purged accounts and seemingly lost fics, but sometimes you get lucky and something's been archived :)

as of the date i'm posting this, all of these comms are still accessible, but if you're from the future and some have been deleted, again, go ahead and give the wayback machine a try. additionally, livejournal has a system that includes 'cross-posting' in which, if authors choose to (and the majority of them do, to get their fics more visibility), fics get posted to multiple comms at once. so chances are, even if one comm gets deleted, the contents will survive through other comms. kind of like how reblogs continue to exist even when the original blog is deleted.

finally, ctrl + f is your best friend if you have a specific ship/character/trope you're invested in, especially in comms with less than ideal tagging systems. if a comm does have a substantial tagging system, you can find all of its tags by adding '/tags' the end of the urls i've provided.

ok... let's begin :-)

assorted livejournal communities

✎ torch-wood: this is essentially a torchwood subreddit. it started before the show even aired, and one of the highlights of it is episode reaction posts (easily accessible on the right side of the lj) that document how everyone immediately reacted to the eps, which is pretty damn cool, fandom-history wise. only thing i should mention is there's quite a lot of gwen and owen bashing in the comments of some of those reaction posts, so just be wary of that if you love those two like i do, 'cuz it's a bit of a bummer.

✎ torchwood-three: this comm is an extremely cool then-daily newsletter (that still updates sometimes?!) that compiled as much fan-content as it could find into cleanly organized lists. the posts made immediately after new episodes aired contain reactions, discussions, meta, theories, new fic, fanmixes, just about everything. very very cool to go back and see the way the fandom was thinking as the show was airing and as they were getting to know the characters. here's a direct link to all posts made in late 2006, during the airing of s1.

✎ torchwood-fic: exactly what it says on the tin. desktop layout is easy to navigate, tags are all there!

✎ torchwood-fic's profile page also features a list of affiliated accounts that's pretty handy. it's worth taking a peek at, in case i've excluded anything in this post that you might be interested in.

✎ twgenrefinders: handy dandy comm where people would ask for fics of a certain variety & be treated with reclists, or hyper-specific fics... pretty cool stuff, ive got several threads bookmarked to sort through the links later. ofc, please note that some of the things people asked for might be stinky. particularly i've seen a lot of ppl requesting gwen bashing fics :/

✎ twstoryfinder: cousin to the above comm; here, people would ask for a very specific fic they'd lost. it's kind of fun to find fics through because you get someone describing memorable scenes + hyping it up, so it's different than just a standard summary. this one still gets posted on, too, which is crazyyy.

✎ tw-unpaired: for gen fics! no romance allowed! there's some good character studies + friendship fics in there. stuff's tagged by character + authors are even tagged, in case you find one whose writing you particularly enjoy. this is v useful for when someone's main journal has been deleted.

✎ torchwood-decaf: a comm where janto is BANNED. nah i'm kidding, it's not anti-janto, it was just made because janto is so huge that it overshadows everything else. pretty smart, tbh; wading through the sheer mass of janto content can be tiresome.

✎ jack-in-cuffs: for dark tw fic, or uber smutty tw fic. as a fan of dark!fic, there's some goodies in here, but of course it's not everyone's cup of tea. most of the writers included warnings, but if you go a little further back, some people weren't as courteous; navigate with caution.

✎ jack-owen: for fic featuring our captain and his (second favorite) doctor. i know this pairing's kinda divisive nowadays, but i enjoy it a lot. the comm's got a dismal tagging system and, ngl, i don't truly like any of the fics there (i'm very intrigued by jack and owen's relationship but i've never found fic that really does them justice, and i still haven't figured out how to write them myself) - but i'll include it anyway.

✎ odetojoi: for fic featuring owen in the middle of a janto sandwich, for those of us who are allergic to women (/sarcasm). there's an oddly impressive supply of fics of the three of them, and a good chunk of them can be found in this comm. (everytime i see this comm i think of a certain abbreviation found in p/rnogr/phy... but i digress)

✎ halfwee-and-tea: for ianto x owen fic. haven't gone through this one much, truthfully. i hate when comms have no tagging systems agh.

✎ owenharper-fans: a comm for the saddest undeadest bisexualest doctor around. also features a few burn appreciation posts, which is nice to see pre-pac rim era. mostly just features a shit ton of owen fic, particularly owen x ianto fic. mostly sufficiently tagged. if you need me once i post this, btw, i will be balls deep in this comm.

✎ the pro-owen alliance: another owen-focused comm - i think this one was made directly in response to owen bashing. haven't combed through this one much but it's got a fair amount of fics.

✎ house-of-cooper: a gwen comm! made in response to gwen bashing. haven't gone through it, but i'm glad it exists.

✎ torchwoodcoffee: ianto comm! this one's hugeee. the majority of it's janto, but the pairings aren't tagged, which is really frustrating. about 6k fics on there, though! just untagged. fff.

✎ tw-femficfest: a comm for fic about any and all of the torchwood ladies. tagging's cleanly done & there's some handy fic round ups, too.

✎ tw-femslash: yuri!!! wahoo!!! a comm for f/f tw ships. there's quite a lot of fic on here, but unfortunately there's no tagging whatsoever. sigh.

✎ tw-classic: a comm for 'all things series one and two of torchwood'. was made after s3 and was popular around s4 out of nostalgia for the golden age <3 good amount of fic, discussions, etc.

✎ torchwood-house: this comm is, like, letterboxd, but for torchwood fanfic. basically a group of individuals who thought of themselves as having Good Taste would read Good Fic and then go in this comm and write a post about why they recommend it. it's well-made, easy to scroll through, and sells the fics v well, and it kinda gets you more excited to read them when you get to see someone hype them up with Fancy Words. it's like a little torchwood yaoi bookclub. we're eating quiche

✎ tw100: a drabble challenge; this thing's full of 100 word drabbles. ngl i hate drabbles but i'm throwing it in here anyway

✎ touchyerwood: i love kink memes... i love kink memes less when my favorite character/pairing is unpopular. the pac rim kink meme's been a blessing bc i'm a basic ass newmann - the torchwood kink meme? not so much. it's got a fair amount of shit, though, so maybe someone else will appreciate it. this one isn't the original, that one's been wiped off the internet, to my chagrin. keep in mind before digging that people in kink memes are horny & gross. that's your warning.

✎ reel-torchwood: for any and all movie aus... ok i have a bone to pick with this comm. i'm a big movie nerd, i love film, i've seen dozens of films i've thought would make good aus - i combed through this and there is not a SINGLE fic in there that piqued my interest. NOTHING. needless to say my disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined. i'm sure my experiences aren't universal though.

✎ torchwoodslash: ah, remember when we called it slash? gee whiz. i'm not big on this comm, it's not very user friendly + there's like no tags whatsoever so it's extremely hard to navigate. enter at your own risk & good luck, lol.

✎ rounds-of-kink: this isn't a torchwood-exclusive comm, but it's got a sizeable torchwood tag, which can be found here. pretty organized tagging system; makes me happy.

✎ tw-declassified: this comm was mainly used for running a 'torchwood bingo', which, i've been in other fandoms that do episode bingos and it's usually cute... this one confused me a little so i didn't bother peeking around too much, but still a cool little bit of fandom history.

✎ writerinadrawer: this was an annual torchwood writer's challenge that ran for four years... it's kinda hard to navigate but it does have some fic in it so i'm putting it here.

✎ dmarley-recs: a recs journal someone ran for compiling torchwood fic; it's got a l o t of recs on there, largely jack/ianto.

ok and straying from lj briefly for two other places to find fic...

✎ kink_bingo: this is a dreamwidth comm, and it's not torchwood-exclusive, so i've linked straight to the torchwood tag. this comm has a livejournal equivalent, but for some reason the tw tag is pretty barren on that one? not sure why. but on dw it's got a fair amount. the tagging system is rough, it tags fandom and kink but not pairing, which is irritating, and every post is hidden under a cut AND makes you go through a discretion barrier every single time (but probably only if you don't have an account? i'm not logged in) which makes navigation a pain. but i dunno, more smut, if you want it.

✎ whofic.com: this site is for doctor who fic, but it's got a very substantial amount of torchwood fic. i do not, however, like the formatting at all. i'm being overly nice; i HATE the formatting. it's very reminiscent of fanfic dot net but, like, worse. it reminds me of adultfanfiction dot org which was a NIGHTMARE to use. but! there is torchwood fic there so it's going in here.

aaaand there we go! that's all i have. i hope these prove handy! enjoy :D

[tainbocuailnge]

im good at finding back old posts so here's some tips for finding back old posts

if tumblr search itself doesn't spit out the post you know for sure you made at some point you can try going to your search engine of choice and putting in "site:[your url].tumblr.com/post [search terms]" or "site:tumblr.com/[your url] [search terms]" this will limit the search to only show permalinked posts on your blog. it depends on how often your blog got indexed by search engines so it's not foolproof but it works pretty much always when it comes to finding back random popular posts (in which case you leave out the part specifying your own url)

when it comes to finding my own posts the blog archive view is my best fucking friend. you can only visit it when you have custom theme enabled in your blog settings but once you do it's available at [url].tumblr.com/archive. you should enable custom theme anyway because it also lets you completely customise your desktop blog theme but thats another post that others have already made. archive view shows an overview of all your posts in reverse chronological order like this

you can narrow it down to show only posts starting from a specific month, of a specific type, and with a specific tag. the tag dropdown only shows a limited number of your most used tags but you can filter for any tag you've ever used by typing [url].tumblr.com/archive/tagged/[tag] in the address bar and then further filter it by date and type, which saves a lot of time when you're looking for a post from like 2018 with a tag you use a lot

after that it's just a matter of narrowing down the search. when searching for a post with text you can scroll down until you're pretty sure the post you need has been loaded and then hit ctrl+f and type some keywords. the browser text search will only have visible highlighted text if it's in the visible preview but it will search through the whole post text and jump down to the post that has it so it can still give you a rough idea of what handful of posts to look through.

personally I often don't remember when exactly i was talking about something but do remember what else i was talking about around the same time, so in that case i use regular ol tumblr search to find a post i know is from around the same time, check the post timestamp, then go into my archive to sniff around all the posts i made around that time.

[choicesficwriterscreations]

September 2023 WOTM: lilyoffandoms

Each month CFWC highlights one of our talented fanfic writers, and this month’s writer of the month is @lilyoffandoms. We hope you will enjoy learning more about them and their work below! The writer is selected at random. More info can be found on the navigation page.

This month's Writer of the Month was selected a little differently than normal. We announced that we would be selecting the WOTM from the participants in last month's Writer Appreciation Event. But the eleven writers involved all agreed the honor belonged to Lily. Lily has been a staple in the Choices community for so long, and they continuously go out of their way to support creators and spread positivity while continuing to inspire and create themselves. We couldn't think of anyone better suited for the honor, so please join us in congratulating Lily... September's Writer of the Month!

Quick Links:

Tumblr Blog Name: lilyoffandoms Blog Masterlist

How do you want to be known on Tumblr? Lily is fine (they/them preferred)

1- When did you start playing Choices? What was the first book you played? 

Best guess would be back in January of 2018. It was a joke at first since a friend saw one of their god-awful ads and said we should both try it. Next thing you know, we were both arguing over which books were better and regretting our decision to start. Though their opinions on what constitutes good books are almost as bad as the Choices ad that got us to jokingly play (and I say this most lovingly because they are awesome and I love them). I started with Most Wanted, and my friend started with The Freshman. 

2- When and why did you join Choices fandom?

Oh gods! I joined back in March 2019. I know I’m a Tumblr baby by most everyone’s standards, but that feels like a really long time. I joined when Open Heart book one was released. I had lurked, reading fanfics, for a few months before biting the bullet and creating a blog and actually posting. Only joined because I was taking my editor’s advice and writing something entirely outside my norm to break a particularly bad case of writer’s block. Thought I might as well share those silly things if I was taking the time to write them. Maybe someone would enjoy them. Never did plan on sticking around, but found so many lovely people that I’ve come to call friends.

3- How did you pick your blog name? 

It was lilyofchoices. My name + Choices because I am super creative like that with those sorts of naming things 😅 I changed it to lilyoffandoms when I left the Choices fandom for a bit. I’ve thought about changing it more times than I can count but I can’t bring myself to actually follow through on it. How do y’all’s change your blog name with each new book release? You are a crazy different breed of tumblr and you fascinate me.

4- Pull up the first post in your archive, and tell us about it!  

I deleted the first one years ago. It was my first drabble. Currently, as it stands, the first thing in my archive is this post about Desire and Decorum, and it still makes me giggle.

5- How long have you been writing fanfiction?

I’ve only been writing fanfic since I joined Tumblr. I never really tried writing fanfic before that. Some nonfiction personal things before that but never anything like this world. It's been an adventure, to say the least haha

6- What is your favorite Choices book, and what is your favorite Choices book to write about?

My favorite book is probably Blades of Light and Shadow, book one, but there are plenty that are really close behind. This is also the book I’d say I enjoy writing for the most because it is my favorite book, contains my favorite LI, and has one of my favorite OCs (Maiele) in it.

Though recently, I’ve been writing more for Crimes of Passion because it's more of a challenge for me. It's a different vibe between the MC and the LI and it's one I don’t often explore so I’m here for that right now. But I have a sneaky suspicion once Blades 2 drops I’ll be back on my bullshit with that again.

7- Share the first fanfic you wrote with us. Do you still like it, or would you change it if you were writing it today?

I don’t think it exists on this site anymore. Maybe in someone’s reblog? I still have it in my files. It was an Ethan x MC drabble featuring my MC, Merida. I still like it. I’d not change it cuz I’m a firm believer in writing it and don’t look back haha.

This is it:

He swallowed the lump forming in his throat, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to form in his eyes. There it was. He had told her. Dr. Banerji was dying and Ethan was at a loss as to what was ailing his mentor and friend. Ethan stared at the young woman in front of him and then to the floor. He cleared his throat and made a small motion to turn back into Naveen’s room but froze instantly the moment he noticed her take a step towards him.

She threw her arms around him and hugged him, wishing to take away all of his pain, all of his loneliness. Silently willing him to understand that she cared for him. Cared deeply for him and much more than she should. “Ethan. I’m so sorry,” she whispered, one hand stroked through his hair while the other grasped his neck and slowly bent his head toward her shoulders as she raised herself to her tiptoes to meet him halfway.

He tensed upon feeling her arms around him. Arms, he thought to himself, that he had imagined holding him for a number of weeks now. Ever since that night spent sitting up with her watching little baby Ethan. “Merida,” he sighed as he gradually relaxed into the embrace.

She didn’t let up on the hug, squeezing him to her just a bit more tightly. God, she had wanted to comfort him when Dolores died but she didn’t know how he would respond. Now, he was facing the possibility of another friend dying and she couldn’t help herself.

He responded to the increased pressure of her hug and tightened his own hold upon her. Finding himself tracing circles up her spine and imagining what it would feel like to move his hands to tease along the skin of her back where her pants met her shirt.

Her breath caught when she felt his hands move lower. No longer making gentle movements along her spine but increasing their pressure upon her body, nearly massaging their way lower. She brought one of her own hands around to his chest, lightly bunching his white coat in her fist to try and pull him closer to her.

A loud crash echoed down the hall. “Shit!” a construction worker cursed. The two doctors jumped back from each other both staring into each other’s eyes seeming to question if they had both felt the same in the other’s arms. She blushed slightly. “I should see to my other patients. Dr. Banerji’s condition stays between us. Understand, Rookie?” he stated, his eyes narrowing. She nodded and he turned and marched down the hall.

8- What is your favorite fic that you’ve written?

I love asking this question of others but don’t like it asked of me. I’m so bad at self-rep and advertising my wares 😂 But if I had to pick one, I’d say this one. It was so far outside my comfort zone when it came to writing that I almost abandoned it two paragraphs in. But I’m a stubborn person, and I refused to let it beat me. Plus, I had been wanting to write a noir fic for this book since it was released. Furthermore, I adore Hayden’s work too much not to gift a little something back for all the art he shares with us, so I knew I just had to make it work.

9- Do you have a fic that you didn’t expect to be well received, but it was? What about one you expected to be but found could use a little more love?

I didn’t expect last year’s Luck of the Draw fic to garner much love. Attention? Maybe. But not love and definitely not the response I got. I really enjoyed writing that one. 

10- If you could write only angst, fluff, or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why? 

Fluff. I’m a sucker for happy-ever-afters and an endless hopeless romantic. Give me the fluff. All the fluff. 

I pull a lot of what I toss into my silly drabbles from real life. Always been a believer in writing, most often what you know, and sprinkle that all with a dash of the stuff you don’t as a treat. And my life is pretty fluffy thanks to my incredible partner. 

However, I do so adore angst I’m just not able to write it often because it hurts more to write. But I’ll always always read it. That pain is *chef’s kisses*

11- Do you ever recognize yourself in any of your MCs or in your writing?

Maiele, my Blades MC, is most definitely me coded. His whole personality, his choice of partner when it comes to personality, his constant flirting with said partner, his sense of humor, his lack of a filter most times, it’s all pretty much me. Gabriel, my CoP MC, is me when it comes to romantic gestures and Valentine’s Day. I may be a romantic, but I get weird when it’s aimed at me 😂 

12- What element of writing do you struggle with most?

Editing. I refuse to do it. I hate it with the burning light of a thousand suns. Those of you that manage to edit your fics have all my admiration. I honestly don’t know how y’all do it. Doesn’t it just bore you to no end? 

13- Do you have any neglected work you really want to finish?

I have more drafts than I care to admit. I would like to complete a series I started long ago for Ethan x Merida, but I don’t know if I’ll ever do that. I’d settle for finishing one of my drafts 😅

14- If someone you know in real life (who isn’t involved in fandoms) asked to read your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you recommend they read first? 

Nope, haha, I’d not be able to do that. If I were that brave, I’d recommend this one maybe. I do so love Flynn. Or this one, mostly because I do so love the idea of Gabriel just pouting on the couch.

15 - Are there any writers (published authors and/or fanfic writers) who influenced your writing?

Not really. I mean all of em probably. I read a lot of books in a lot of genres. Mostly I use my drabbles as morning warm ups for my day job. 

There are definitely fanfic writers I admire around here that encourage me to share my silly things everyday. Especially all those queer writers out there that have a rather thankless existence sometimes around here but keep sharing their stories! They are all my heroes!!

16- Which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series? 

Any and all of my Maiele and Tyril stories. I just love them sooooo much!!

17- Do you write original fiction? 

Yes, but until recently, I wrote mostly nonfiction.

I do have a fic I began a few years back when I was still teaching. I had a student who hated their writing class, so I promised to write a short story alongside them and read it to the class like all the students had to if they gave it an honest go. 

They did and so I did too, and I was asked the following year to do it again by more students and so I continued the same story. I’ve since continued that same fic, and maybe someday I’ll actually go looking to publish it. 

18 -  What other hobbies do you have?

I love the outdoors. Hiking, spelunking, kayaking, gardening, camping, anything and everything outdoors. My other favorite hobby, which I've done for years and years, is fencing. I still am part of a club and teach a few levels. 

19 - What’s your favorite emoji? 

😅 because it’s legit my state of existence at this point in life. 

20: BONUS - tell us anything you’d like (if you want to).

I want to send a special shout-out to all the absolutely lovely participants of August’s writer appreciation event I hosted. I still cannot believe y’all did this for me. 😘 These are each of my favorite fics you’ve written. Thank you for making our fandom a little brighter each and every day!

@aallotarenunelma Bathed in Sunlight @coffeeheartaddict2 Moths to a Flame @karahalloway A Leviathan Surprise @jerzwriter A Mother's Journal @ladylamrian Ma Cherie @mydemonsdrivealimo Run, Run @peonyblossom We're Gonna Get Married @petiteboheme Familia @storyofmychoices Passing Shower @tessa-liam All is Fair in Love and War @trappedinfanfiction What's In a Name? Lily's Top Three Commissions can be found here:

Crimes of Passion by @javsarts

A Year of Kisses by various artists: @lethendralis-paints @cashweasel @kundool @deheerkonijn @javsarts @weetlebeetle @kollapsar @mooreaux @rosefuckinggenius @/ArtbyAinna (IG) @littlestpersimmon @callmebeem

Trystan x Noel by @rosefuckinggenius

[ninathekillerzblog]

INFO ABOUT MY CREEPYPASTA AU'S:

So I have two AUs as of right now,

Citypastas - Joint AU shared with my two best friends + Other people who wanted to be in it but didn't create it

Archives from the Abyss - An AU solely made by me! Mainly writing and surprisingly, not Nina centric! It's about all the pastas and other internet horrors, it derails from the cannon and the fannon, more of a mix of whatever I view the pastas as. On this blog I'll mainly write about Archives from the Abyss..

Archives from The Abyss

Takes place in Centralia, Pennsylvania.

An elusive agency, shrouded in mystery, devoted to hunting cryptids and unraveling the paranormal. Led by the elusive Director Obsidian, operatives known as "Arcane Revenants" venture into the shadows, armed with occult knowledge and enigmatic artifacts. From ancient forests to abyssal depths, they brave the unknown, battling creatures that defy comprehension. Their purpose: to protect the world from the eldritch and to pierce the veil that hides the unfathomable.

Archives have gotten leaked from The Abyss, files about a group of individuals who didn't seem to exist in our world, but another plane of dimension who've broken the timeline and merged realities.

In short, the Operator has found a way to break realities and has scattered his pastas across the multiverse in order to gain more power to defeat the Nezperdian Hivemind, otherwise known as Zalgo. The Abyss Agency attempts to control these anomalies and send them back to their original universe.

Citypastas - MODERN!Creepypasta AU

Takes place in Super Awesome Town, USA.

A nina-jeff-ben centric story, pretty self explanatory.

In the heart of the ominous forest, Jeff the Killer, a restless and thrill-seeking spirit, yearns to escape the confines of the trees and plunge into the chaos of the city once more. Eager to quench his desire for fear and adrenaline, he proposes a daring adventure to his fellow pastas, Nina and BEN. Their journey takes them through the shadows of the forest, guided by the pale moonlight, as Jeff outlines his plan to blend into the urban landscape and rekindle the terror that fuels him. Cloaked in disguise, they step into the bustling city, concealing their menacing appearance beneath hoods and masks.

In short, Jeff, BEN, and Nina go into the city! They've been confined to the forest in this AU, as well as all the other pastas. Slowly but surely all the pastas make their way out of the forest and try to learn normalcy.

Fun facts:

Liu is normal in this au, he owns a cafe.

Nurse Ann is being 'considered' to being a pasta, so instead of living in the mansion or forest she owns a clinic yet deals with hallucinations of Slenderman.

Happy Appy is cannon here, he lives in the sewers.

Squidward Suicide is also a cannon creepypasta in this AU.

Judge Angels and Helen are exs in this, but Judge Angels is a normal person and never was influenced by Slenderman! She goes by Dianne and is Liu's roommate whose trying to meet ends meet.

Jane is a lesbian like her cannon backstory, she's dating a normal person named Mary Vaughn.

Lulu, Lazari, BEN, and Sally's rooms are all connected in the mansion like a big ol' sleepover.

This AU started from a creepypasta minecraft server.

[kingeorgey]

i have some new followers bc of my wwdits posting so here’s a little ‘about me’ post. i am a little tumblr inept so bear with me, i did try to format it somewhat! <3

basics—;

riley, 22 🕊️

she/her

american

mdni

more below!

fandom info—;

i’ve been a fangirl my whole life, starting with harry potter way back in 3rd grade. i’ve been through everything- one direction, 5sos, COD men, Marvel, every musical ever (especially les mis). i was a famous hamilton and deh fanfic writer in middle school, roleplayed for many many years, and still write fanfic once or twice a year.

my ao3, tiktok, and discord are all @/kingeorgey, but i’m also going to link them below, followed by a bit more about who i am personally.

—

links—;

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kingeorgey?_t=ZT-8rxBw7Uc0YU&_r=1

Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingeorgey/profile

Discord: @Kingeorgey (not sure how to link it)

—

personal info—;

i’m riley, i’m 22, and i’m a good ol midwestern american girl. i grew up in rural michigan on a farm (more of a hobby farm than anything) as one of five children, am a lifelong theatre kid, and a forever fangirl. i don’t disclose what my job is specifically, but i have the most amazing job in the world and that’s usually what i’m busy with. i travel more than you could possibly imagine, especially to scotland and france- family in scotland, and work always sends me to france.

i’m queer, about to go back to school to finally finish one of my degrees, love diet dr pepper, and my favorite food is a red delicious apple. i started out studying accounting and theatre, then switched to history (focusing on Islamic studies) and communications when i left my initial college. then i left to focus on getting my job.

i collect vintage clothes with a focus on dresses- i attached a pic of two vintage outfits as proof;) and i’m on a bit of a fitness journey that is mostly cardio based- i have lost weight but it’s still something i’m working on maintaining long term.

hobbies include: theatre (last year i returned to the stage as cinderella in into the woods- first time since i graduated in 2020 that i was in a show, i hope to be in another soon!), traveling, writing fanfiction, riding horses, running / going on walks, singing, hanging out with my pets

a big something about me: i’m a queer Christian, and i don’t debate people on my own existence. if you are atheist, struggle with religion, whatever- i love you, i see you. you are not lesser than, and my journey with my religion has been very turbulent. i deconstructed when i was outed in middle school, due to pressure from homophobic Christians, and eventually came back and reconstructed. my beliefs are very tender and special to me, and if you’re ever struggling, even if we’ve never talked, feel free to vent or reach out. i will not try to ‘fix’ you or turn you ‘back to the light’ or any of that BS. your worth and goodness as a human is not dictated by being or not being a Christian. your experiences and existence are cherished, and valid, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

so. i believe that’s the big stuff! i don’t really know how to format a blog with tags and stuff but there is that. see you all around! please message me and send asks and stuff. i am a very open book and want friends :^)

here are some pics of me!

[fuckhouse2theelectricboogaloo]

I was wondering or not to send this in: but whoever needs to hear this rn is for them tbh. As I didn't have to say shit about this clown to begin with. Anyone who believed his rumor about me still after it came out of all his bs is probably actually an inept fucking slug at that point as much as he is, but I put everything to do my part for the people he hurt and he dragged my ass into it. So to begin? Knowing how spiteful Shep is? I have realized going through my archive: that about 10 months later, that I had made a post I was less active/busy, but that somehow gave him the idea I was gone. I found this mostly to cover any loose ends to the story, but also realized how pathetic he really is. Bc during this time, I had completely forgotten Shep, I was talking with friends, my gf, rping and doing my hobbies and loving life. And that's where the rumor of me being a pedophile started from him in the vent chat and them calling me a nonbeliever and nursing a grudge that extremely for 10 months. This rumor never came back to me until everything exploded, bc he insisted to his circles it be a block and move on and tell no one as he knew I wouldn't have taken it lying down and the fact Shep is spineless to confrontation, I know from us talking that he is. And then never showing evidence and it was that lack of evidence even after being asked I believe if I remember from Star? Is really what made her start catching on among other things.

Yet Shep was that assmad that I found them weird, that nicely I told them it was a lot but internally I thought: even with knowing my gf for 4 years, I found him that insufferable but forgettable and if he talked like this to anyone else? I imagined he had little friends tbh, I actually felt sorry for him to some degree because I couldn't tolerate him even when handling him with 'kid gloves' bc of how much of a little bitch he was and wouldn't calm down and stfu even after being patient with him for an hour bc he wanted empathy in reality. We wouldn't have made it past the first convo if not for that and his past close friend relations to my gf which he USED to get me to trust him so I'd tolerate him more. I also didn't appreciate their subtle flirting I've come to realize they weaseled in the convos (I thought he was just weird, I didn't realize that was supposed to be flirting or getting us to bond or some shit) or weird meltdowns in the week that we knew each other.

So doing all of this after being blocked: if that is their response to me? How they feel about everything and everyone else is probably driving them up the wall. They are probably having meltdowns and crying and I know when it first started they probably did bc I know how much of a little bitch they are when confronted. They'd crumple to me in convos when I told them: 'You're acting weird again. Stop it. o: ' . It took me a total of several hours our first convo when we JUST met to calm them down until I told them to knock it off, they were being weird and that quickly clammed it. In response the funniest thing that made me first notice it was them saying: 'maybe we shouldn't talk.' Me: 'Okay let's stop talking then and block each other.' Them: 'No wait.' Essentially is how that convo went bc again, just trying to be pathetic and a sad loser to get empathy. So Shep if you're reading this bc I know you will from how much you read my blog to find when I was 'gone' but not really? You're not slick, you're not smart, you're obsessed with anything or anyone you want or dislike including blogs like Fuckhouse or ppl you once knew like me even for just a week or so. Then throw a whole ass toddler tantrum when you don't get your way or nurse a grudge for nearly a year bc I almost think you took what happened as rejection from me, but I can't confirm that other than at least as a friend. It's the only way to explain why tf you acted the way you have and how I've seen you be a sex pest to trans fem ppl or kids that let you in though but in general are a sex pest and don't take no for an answer unless it damages your image. But the only thing I'll give you credit for is being decently 'ok' at preying upon ppl's kindness and inexperience to manipulate them the short term. No one thinks you're a mastermind, bc I thought you were fucking stupid when we met, but now I know you're even dumber thinking you could go behind my gf's back, my back when both of us thought you were a friend to both of us even if I didn't want to talk to you. And that if you had just stfu? I wouldn't be involved in this or be aware of what was happening and neither would my gf who btw, was actually angry and thought you were disgusting for doing that all that time when first meeting her to the now. And tbh I'm glad it hurt when I saw your ass groveling to a literal child, bc Shep you don't give a fuck unless it's your own pain because that's all you understand or care about.

Posting as is

[autobot2001]

Whumpmas in July Day 1- Introduction

@whumpmasinjuly-archive

❤️ Name: Autobot2001

💚 Pronouns: She/her

🤍 Favorite season: Hmm....

❤️ Average amount of sleep: 9-10 hours

💚 Dream Job: A medic in the military or working in the hospital. Maybe ICU, but I'm physically disabled and can't do either.

🤍 Blog established date: 2020

❤️ Username/blog meaning: I like the Autobots and i got the idea for my fanfiction series in 2001.

💚 Hobbies: Writing, making YT videos which is playing video games, watching YT videos and a couple of live streams (YT & Twitch), reading fanfiction

🤍 What you love about whump: I like the medical side. Prob because I can't work in the medical field. Also Found family. I think because i was bullied and has no friends once myu family moved when i was 12 years old. Went to a school where kids...i'd say were allowed to bully. Damn aduklts did nothing. I think while that lasted 3 years, it was enough to make it hard to make friends. The few I had in 7th grade moved away. My only friends were kids with other disabilities in a class called Life Skills because they wouldn't do well in regular classes.

❤️ Anything else to add: My fanfiction series is supposed to focus onmany fandoms, starting with Dragonabll Z, but I have to many ideas in the Bayverse live action movies portion of the transformers fandom. You don't have to know much about transformers to enjoy the stories. I have at least 40 stories planned. Some notebooks are labeled untitled story(number), while many aren't. They either have decided titles, or labeled specific to the media i.e. transformers 2007. Add the ideas that don't have notebooks in my Evernote app.

As for finished stories, I'm trying to make a master post. I should have right away, but an, I waited four years. The number of posts I have to go through. The stories are also on A03, FFN & Wattpad. Same username; Autobot2001. Once that's done, I'll post about my OCs and Autobot holofrms, and screenshots. It's fun (and challenging) to make screenshots for scenes for my stories.

[radellama]

Tagged by @sandushengshou thank youuuu!

~~

1. why did you choose your url?

It's an evolution of a suggestion @woogly-boogly made actually. We were probably 14~ish and I was saying I didn't really have any ideas for a name for my art account I was going to make, and he suggested adellama as a pun on my name and cause I like llamas. Made it radellama cause my nickname is Rads and it sounds cooler lolll

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them.

Yeas, I used to hoard a few urls for chrono related names but now I don't have any of them cause it got my account sniped for a time 😑

@chrono-the-babe - the chrono blog. It's bigger than my main lmao I love it. I've put effort into making it the best archive of fan shit for chrono that I can, I'm not always up to date with it but I have been going for years and I'm not stopping now

@radellama-art - my art archive, just a nicer place to look through all my art in one place cause sometimes I post on other blogs, but everything rbed to there is mine

@our-ends-will-shine-like-stars - made a blog for this au fic cause it's massive, and I have so much planning and art and stuff for it and don't wanna spam my ct blog too much, so here it goes!

@abe-and-orc - Abe and Orc. I'll post on there properly when I actually have more stuff to show and I start making the comic..... But they're my OCs, gotta nab the url here while I can haha

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

God idk. a little over a decade by this point probably

4. do you have a queue tag?

Used to but I don't really use the queue function anymore. I'm just rbing LMAO

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

I liked seeing the text posts on Pinterest, and when I got here it was so cool to see Loz fanart and stuff for the music I liked at the time!! It was fun making friends and sending each other fan mail on here lollll

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

THEY'RE MY GAY BOYS!! It's Magus (light blue hair, from chrono trigger) and Harland (dark blue hair, my OC I made specifically to be gay with him lmao) I like them!!!!!!

7. why did you choose your header?

It's a funny meme I redrew to be magland 😏😏

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

This one

9. how many mutuals do you have?

Don't count them, and there's no tracker lol

10. how many followers do you have?

149

11. how many people do you follow?

686

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

Yeah probably, idk

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

I usually check in once a day, maybe twice if I have time lol. Otherwise if I'm busy or something I just go on when waiting for public transport or during a lunch break type moment, or just wait until I go to bed and scroll for a bit. Sometimes I just take breaks and don't go on for most the day or skip a day or two just cause I'm not feeling it, or I'm too busy and don't really have the time. It's whatever

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

Yeah a few very brief responses but it's not a big deal lol, I try not to get wrapped up in that stuff too much. I'm pretty liberal with blocking if I'm not vibing

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts

Fuck off

16. do you like tag games?

Yeas

17. do you like ask games?

Yeas

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

Thog

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

No. The most would probably be infatuation cause they're cool

20. tags

@woogly-boogly @chemicalbrew @just-wublrful @lobotomy-maybe-bestie @controlvariable @future-dregs @fanimefreak @kanonavi @darksideofthemamon @aliciaevers and anyone else who would like to. No pressure as always!

[rubbermalletrabbit]

Welcome to my blog traveler

You can refer to me as Rat I use He/They/It pronouns and I am an Adult

Most things I reblog go into my Queue that is shuffled frequently so if I liked your post but don't reblog it immediately its just In purgatory

Feel free to spam reblog/like things I've reblogged I have notifications off

Some friends to keep you company you while you scroll this blog ↓

More info under cut if you want it(you are not required to read it)

This is a general blog that I reblog various things into such as shitposts and fandom stuff. Also once In while i may post art

The things you'll be seeing the most of currently are: cats,pokemon,In Stars and time and splatoon

Currently not hyperfixated on anything (sad)

I also like various other things: such as [ please refer to the bottom of this pinned]

__

Currently playing: a link to the past, Sam and max beyond time and space and pokemon mystery dungeon explorers of sky (I love starting games and then not finishing them ♡)

--

Tag masterlist

Art tags- Squeak.png (art) Doodles (unfinished art,sketch dump and things I don't want in the main art tag) My art ( both doodles and squeak.pngs go here)

Other og posts tags- Squeak.txt (rambling,complaining, etc usually done in text posts) Squeak.exe (posts with some effort that aren't art moodboards, uuhhhh, images?)

Reblogs tagging system

Squeaks (additions to reblogs)

Q (queue tag also tag for scheduled posts))

Fav (really funny posts) and fav art (art I really really like )

Pretty (art that gives me emotions I can not describe) cool pics (photography I like) cool colours (cool colours)

Cozy (pics or art that give a cozy vibe) comfy (rooms I like)

Resources- computer stuff(computer resources (this tag is pretty bare rn)Art resource (art bases, reference repositories,etc) art tips (art tutorials and tips) hoard (dividers, stamps,blinkies etc)

☆ (general nonhuman posting tag)

I usually tag every animal that appears in a post and all posts that are primarily focused on an animal also go in to my animal tag. if you would to view some animals

I try to put warnings on every post I feel needs one

Thanks for reading this far have a nice day!and also this dragonite

Blinkie by blinkees

Last updated: 20/1/2025 (dd/mm/yy)

--

Work in progress list of my interests (alphabetically ordered)

Cult of the lamb

Deltarune

Dungeon meshi

Five nights at freddys (not a big fan of steelwool era fnaf)

Homestuck

In stars and time

Legend of zelda series

Naruto

Neon genesis evangelion (haven't watched the rebuilds yet)

Night in the woods

Ni no kuni (I still to finish dotdd)

Omniscient reader's viewpoint (I've not read any side stories yet)

Pikmin

Pokemon (mainline games + just in general)(currently going through the mystery dungeon series but very slowly _🐌)

Revolutionary girl utena

Saiki k

Splatoon

The Magnus archives

Undertale

Welcome to nightvale (need to catch up badly. On ep 216 currently)

Yo-kai watch (YOU SHOULD PLAY YOKAi WATCH 3 NOWWW!!!!)

[sneakers-and-shakes]

3 Easy Methods to Start Journaling

If you’ve always wanted to start journaling (or just try something new) but don’t know where to start or find it all overwhelming, this blog post is sure to help!

This month I’ll be outlining 3 simple and easy ways you can start journaling and kick off the new year!

To begin let me break down what I believe are the basic concepts of journaling: documentation, goal-setting, and self-reflection.

In this post I’ll be outlining 3 simple ways you can accomplish these basic concepts, with each method covering a different concept.

Let’s start with the easiest and my favorite method to start journaling: buying a calendar.

This method is to tackle the documentation aspect of journaling. If you find that writing things down in a traditional journal is hard, then the calendar method, as I call it, is a much easier way to document your life.

1. Expo Calendar (Exhibition Calendar)

This is exactly what it sounds like, it exhibits your life. Basically you get a calendar (I get mine from the dollar store but you can also print cute templates for free online) and fill it out after you’ve done something. And so you essentially get an archive of your month.

As for what you put on the calendar, it can be anything you consider notable. Whether it’s completing a goal like finishing a book or working out, or fun plans or activities like dinner with friends or painting, just write them down on the calendar the day you did them.

This not only helps you keep track of everything but also makes you feel accomplished when you look back and see just how much you have actually done. Often times we don’t remember the things we do and when we think back it seems like much less than it actually is.

This calendar gives you an at a glance view of everything. It can also motivate you to do something noteworthy, so to speak, if you notice a week looking particularly empty.

Below is an example of how you could fill out an Expo Calendar. (If you want to take it a step further you can color-coordinate by choosing a color for goals or plans/activities.

This is something I’ve been doing since 2019 and I’ve really enjoyed going back through the calendar (especially at the end of the year) and realizing how much I’ve actually done.

-.-

The second method is to address the goal-setting concept of journaling.

2. Monthly Notes

I’ve talked about this on my blog multiple times because it’s something I truly stand by and implement in my life for years now. Basically, the idea is to write down 3 goals you hope to accomplish in a given month.

(I’ve dived deeper into this in these blog posts and I highly recommend checking them out for more information: Different Kinds of Goals and Organization and Goals)

If you’re not sure where to start on the 3 goals then the easiest way is to make one of each type: Fun, Achievable, and Challenging. Essentially, make one goal that is fun for you to do, another goal that you’ve been meaning to do that’s achievable and one goal slightly more challenging.

You can write these in an actual journal, on a post-it note, or even digitally, whatever works best for you. A month, I find, is a good amount of time to try to get things done, not too long and not too short, but it’s good to check in midway to make sure you’re on track to accomplishing these goals.

If you follow the method of setting one of each type of goal, you will likely have at least one or two of them checked off by the end of the month when you re-evaluate. This method is an easy way to make sure you’re staying on top of the things you want to accomplish.

-.-

The last method is to cover the last concept of journaling which is self-reflection.

3. Journal Prompts

I know this may seem obvious, but a bottleneck for a lot of people with journaling is they don’t know what to write. This is where just choosing from a list of journal prompts comes in handy.

If you’re just starting out, I recommend making some time once or twice a week to go through one or two journal prompts and answer them. Doing it daily can be a lot for people who haven’t adjusted but by doing it weekly you can slowly build up the habit. Once you answer a few journal prompts, coming up with what to write might even become easier.

Below is a list of Journal questions I came up with a while ago (also posted on my Instagram highlights).

-.-

I hope these 3 easy and simple journaling methods assist you on your journey! These are all things hat I personally do and work for me and I’d love to hear about your experience with them, so feel free to leave a comment!

Thank you for reading!

[tangentofk]

gonna be raw as fuck, since i haven't slept and my emotions are all over the place.

so, i found my old live journal. that's not the cringey part.

in it, i found the remnants of messages/other blogs of... "people," or maybe I should say, "characters" that I talked with during the time.

a tl;dr of this high school story is that, i'm pretty sure this girl in high school created a bunch of "friends" and role played them on their live journals/had AIM screen names for them. In particular, one was named "Eric" and... god this hurts saying out loud, or rather, typing it to the world, and she used this Persona to flirt with me/get my affection with this person via LJ and AIM. After 3 years of this, I pulled the plug on Eric separately, and kindly told this girl to fuck off cause I couldn't "deal with the drama of her and her friends." I have never spoken to this person since, and I hope to keep it that way.

I never got definitive proof, but there were a few red flags-- i rememeber my one friend got "Eric's number" from this girl, for me to discover she had it saved as her own number in her phone. The fact that Eric always had some reason we never could meet up. How fairy tale/fantastical their lives were and I never could be a part of it.

Why am I typing all this? Because discovering this live journal just opened up the flood gates of all this trauma that... I never fully processed. Or knew what to even do. I was 17-- we didn't even HAVE the word "Catfish" in our dictionary. Whenever the show later showed up, and coined the phrase, i was like "THAT'S WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO ME?!?!" Keep in mind, this is internet hay day, out law country, I had no resources to help verify any of what was going on around me... I just... trust what this person was typing on the screen, and what my friend told me IRL in High School/College.

Now here I am, searching through these old archives, trying to remember this story i buried away in my brain to protect myself. I'm finding the moment I first started talking to them... it was right after my jaw got broken my senior year of high school. And you know what this psycho bitch did as a hook for me, knowing I Was reading her Live Journal?

She gave one of these characters a broken jaw too. And i ate it up-- I sympathized, and I reached out to this "person" to send my condolences. She used my trauma to fucking lure me in. This guy was the "boyfriend" of "Eric," and I some how convinced myself "Eric" loved me.

As I dig through these archives, I see this character vague-posting about "this thing i can't talk about" and "he knows my feelings for him."

I was caught-- hook line and sinker, like a fucking catfish.

Funny how all these characters stopped posting around the same time, a year after I stopped communicating with that person from high school.

I know no one reads these long posts.

But this... this needed to be typed out.

I never vocalized this to anyone. Ever. Even the people who KNEW "Eric" and "Dave" and "John" in my core friend group. They knew of them bc i talked about them all the time... I was obsessed.

I thought I was in love. I told this figment of a girls imagination that I loved them. There's so much more to this story, and I'm actively forgetting/remembering it all at once... and i'm really going through it right now.

And that's completely fucked me up for a long time, guys.

[dollarbin]

Shakey Sundays #3:

Neil Young's Odeon / Budokan

In the fall of 1993 my long ago friend Thom Moore (of Moore Brothers fame; Don't know them? Listen to this)...

... slipped me a sketchy looking tape.

"Swap meets," Thom said. "That's where you get the best bootlegs."

Thom was big on creating joyful drama. A few months earlier he'd played me On The Beach for the first time, producing the first copy I'd ever even seen of that mythical record. I enjoyed and chatted with him through Side 1, then sat spellbound through Side 2, just taking it all in: at seventeen I was encountering what would turn out to be my favorite piece of music for the rest of my life.

Thom sat apart from me and in silence during Side 2, letting it work. But when Ambulance Blues turned its final corner and Young mournfully declared, "you're all just pissing in the wind," Thom turned his eyes on me and lip synced along with stone faced perfection.

From that moment on I demanded copies of everything Thom had by Neil that wasn't already in my small but growing catalog. And so I encountered Young's hallowed 76 Japan tour with Crazy horse for the first time through a sketchy swap meet cassette.

My famous brother has been writing about live bootlegs for 20 straight years by now; nothing I can say here is going to compare. But I will start by saying that there are only two tours I willingly sit down and listen to in an encylopedic fashion, determined to note even minuscule differences between performances: Dylan and the Band in 66 and Young in 76. I'm never happier inside a pair of headphones than when Bob is coughing his way through an Australian date or Neil is dedicating songs to Jimmy Carter or wishing himself happy birthday ("Now I'm just like Baskin Robbins" he warbles at an unruly crowd. "31 flavors.")

The original 76 Japan boot that Thom gave me was the Osaka show, and it was a terrible and perfect intro to the whole scene. Neil is a little grumpier and flat in between songs than on most other nights of the tour; he can hear music in the lobby, or in his own head, throughout the acoustic set and he wants an A harmonica delivered pronto. And once the Horse shows up after the intermission the bootlegged drums sound terrible.

The version below sounds a hell of a lot better than my original tape; on my copy 30 seconds of mariachi radio interrupted Southern Man.

But the tape grabbed me anyway and has never let go. If you don't have the patience to listen to all of the above right now, feel free to jump to minute 21 and let Young carry you through one of the most fragile and terrifying versions I know of one of the most fragile and terrifying songs I know, A Man Needs a Maid. Then stick around and let him glide you through a simpler, but equally powerful, song he kept back until Archives 2 a few years back, No One Seems to Know.

I was deep in the only real relationship drama of my entire life the fall I first encountered this music (to the ladies involved: I'm so sorry for acting like such a dope, and meanwhile, still to both of them, why are you wasting your time reading my blog?) so lyrics like Once I was in love. Now it seems that time is better spent searching than in finding. But no one seems to know worked for me.

Finally, if you are getting (Nick Young and the) restless and need to get wrap up your Osaka experience, jump ahead to the middle of Down By the River in minute 46 and hear Neil wrenching the shivering sublime out of his guitar, Old Black.

That's Neil Young in 76: fragile terror; beauty.

(My famous brother talked to Crazy Horse's Frank Sampedro about the tour a few years back. Their interview together is one of the coolest things you can read about Neil Young anywhere. Check it out, and try to get your head around how Sampedro and bass player Billy Talbot managed to make perfect music during the final Budokan show while tripping on acid. Sampedro: I kept my eyes closed most of the time. Only a couple of times I opened them. The first time was horrific. I hit my guitar strings and I saw them bounce off the floor and up to the ceiling in rainbow colors. I was just like, “Oh, shit.” I kept feeling them on my arm!)

Young likes to claim that he has every note of his life archived and that it's all coming out in good time. And so it was incredibly frustrating that Archives 2 offered a paltry single disk of pro recorded tracks from the 76 tour. Dylan released every damn note of his 66 tour a few years back. Why hadn't Young following suit?

Then this fall Young put that solitary live disc out on its own on vinyl and I must admit I wasn't first in line for my own copy. I was annoyed that he had not expanded the single disc to double or triple or nonuple that initial size; plus I was very unimpressed that he'd chucked his original cover:

But Amazon wish lists are indeed a place to place one's material wishes, and I got my own very non-Dollar Bin, vinyl copy of Odeon / Budokan for Christmas. And tonight, when I dropped the needle, I finally started to get what Young is trying to accomplish.

For one thing, as was the case with the perviously issued Songs for Judy which focuses entirely on acoustic tracks from an American tour later that year, each song is a wildly perfect version, thoughtfully chosen from amongst all its fantastic peers.

Each acoustic song is wilder and weirder than at Osaka; listen to Young bounce and stretch his way through the Guilty Train rewrite of Old Laughing Lady then handle his hecklers. Who else has ever sounded this wasted and masterful all at once?

And on the electric side the four bandmates are alternatively note perfect (Don't Cry No Tears) and swarmingly unhinged. During Cowgirl in the Sand, and especially Cortez the Killer, it sounds like they've all donned jetpacks and are painting the Golden Gate Bridge every color of the rainbow.

Often I struggle to find Talbot's caveman bass in Crazy Horses' mix; but here he bubbles and churns boldly. Meanwhile, Sampedro hovers with sparse humility, serving up his stand alone notes like they're LSD spiked hors d'oeuvres at a party he just threw Stephen Stills out of.

And then there's Drive Back. The song is not one of Young's greatest hits. But listen to Young and Sampedro frantically play off one another. They are graduating from Jedi academy; they're team juggling electric eels. Notes truly do bounce off the floor. You can feel them on your arm. "Oh shit" is right.

Odeon / Budokan came out a full 20+ years after producer David Briggs' death. And yet he rightfully gets a producer credit here. This is the record Briggs assembled and pushed Neil to release 47 years ago. He edited the hell out of the performances, splicing out whole sections of the songs; Cowgirl in the Sand seems to be missing a full 2 minutes from the audience tapes. He fit so much onto one full disc.

Would I rather have every one of the shows put out unedited and complete? Yes. But it would cost $800 on vinyl today and Odeon / Budokan is a record Young could have actually released, in its present form, in 1976.

And so O / B is one in a series of Young's long delayed, post-mortem apologies to Briggs. (The first of such correction records Neil eventually issued was his Massey Hall concert, which Briggs thought should come out instead of the best selling record of Young's entire career, Harvest.) "I should have listen to you Briggs," Neil is saying. "Sorry I stopped making the best music of my career so as to go off and make a lousy record with Stephen Stills instead."

(Young really did do exactly that in 76; we'll get to Long May You Run by the Stills / Young Band on some less auspicious Shakey Sunday. You're gonna hate the record but I'll talk you into the greatness that is Ocean Girl.)

But let's take a minute and lean into Young's revisionist history game. Neil wishes he'd listened to Briggs and put this out in 76. Very good. How would that have gone?

To begin, it would have been his first real live record. Crazy! At that point Young's only other fully live output to date was Time Fades Away and CSN&Y's Four Way Street. The latter is far and away the worst Neil Young live record of all time (after all Stephen Stills plays all over it. Comparing Four Way Street's jammy, meandering, Stevealicious and revolting version of Southern Man to Young's version of the same song from 76's Japan bootlegs is like comparing my cat's slimy droppings to my cat's stealthy gaze).

Okay, yes, I hear you: I recognize that Time Fades Away is hugely important, and it will get its fair consideration in good time, but TFA is essentially a stand alone studio album of entirely new material which Young happened to have recorded in concert. It's not a "live" record in that it does not demonstrate how Young covers his own songs on stage.

In other words, had he released it in 76 Odeon / Budokan would have played the role in NY's cannon that Live Rust, from 79, has played ever since. Live Rust is great but it's bloated (for example, we don't really get anything new from the album's version of The Needle and the Damage Done; a sadder but nearly identical take is on Harvest), redundant (fully half of that same year's Rust Never Sleeps appears on Live Rust in nearly identical fashion) and coked up (look no further than to the band going reggae on Cortez) in comparison. And so, Neil's stature would be even greater today if he'd listened to Briggs.

What's more, if this record came out in 76 it would have existed during the first year of my life. I trust my parent's giant zipper wielding buddy "Stephen Stills" would then have owned a copy. (See Shakey Sundays #2 for a reminder on the wet t-shirt wielding adult from my childhood.) My famous brother reminds me that we piled into Stills' beemer and cruised through our hometown on more than one occasion. The top was always rolled down and Bruce Springsteen's Born in the USA was always turned up to 11.

I barely remember those drives. But imagine an alternative history in which Bruuuuuce's forever misinterpreted-as-a-Nationalism anthem was replaced on all those drives with Odeon / Budokan's Drive Back. See my bro and me flying through stop signs, zero seat belts on anyone, our childlike faces melting beneath the sonic assault.

In that version of the multiverse my famous brother grows up to become a regular on stage with Young in place of Willie Nelson's kids. In that version of the multiverse I am president of the United States.

And so maybe it's a good thing Neil didn't listen to Briggs and kept Odeon / Budokan in the vault until the blessed present moment.

Hope your Sunday is a Shakey one...

[seancamerons]

I don't want people to think I am like a bitch.

I find sometimes I can be a little bit opinionated in things I'm passionate about whether I like love or loathe or some gray area of or a love hate relationship about various things whether fictional reality or facts or speculation. I sometimes have realistic expectations or wild idealist ideas too I do not want people to think I'm mean. I'm trying to fill my cup but I can't people please because it's gonna drain me to the point of dehydration and it doesn't do me any good in the end. I've been doing a whole lot of thinking and feeling these days with all the chaos of moving work related things and friends and family across the board and honestly I just don't want others to think I'm mean bc there is still a part of me who hates the idea of people being mad at me or not liking me. It goes back a long time with that overhwling sense that people don't generally care or like me much and it's hard wrestling with that as I reclaim my identity during this transitional time in my life. For the first time in a long time I feel good independent and also significant at once and it'd a good feeling but I have fears and I never thought I'd get to this place. None of what is going on is perfect but I'm working toward goals and becoming more organized and I have lots to say and I just hope I'm not just someone who posts pretty photos arsthetic or all about shows but real things too. My tumblr has been around a long time and has been a window to my world but I feel like I don't matter in the grand scheme if that makes sense but I do it bc I love the vibes and I feel more comfortable here than I do on fb and other places online but I do seem guarded and maybe that can be annoying to some. I think people in general can relate to this bc I doubt I'm the only one.

So maybe I do like to write about things and share thoughts and reblog art and other things from and create bc this like it or not it's a happy place for me and I hope it's around forever. I'm not who I was when I started here and I've learned so much and grew so much and evolved over time and it's cool to see as I sift thru my archive and remember old memories or blogs that disappeared or are inactive but yeah the main take away is I love it here. I feel safe here sharing and maybe it's meant for me to be a blogger maybe not like a popular one or whatever but somebody who is here has seen alot good and bad but like also through the dash day to day see others grow change evolve and change isn't always bad. It can be good. I don't think I should be so fearful of change but rather embrace it and go with the flow and where it takes me as a person. It might have taken me a long time and life isn't a race and I just know some things will never change and I'm always hoping I'm not intimidating or scary to people. I care alot about people. I don't know if there's people afraid of me just know I'm not that way.

This is all a lot of words and rambling at this time. To friends past present and strangers idk could be friendly with in the future I'm around if you wanna talk or to share pretty things or creativity sharing and writing or prose.

Thanks for reading. Love always, Brimi