#a foot away at most. so i was sleeping horribly and then my nose was dehydrated which meant runny nose hell

[mbat]

i would like to thank the planet earth that the weather app says itll be in the 50s-60s tomorrow. ive been melting this past week and its led to a chain of events that im still going through

[factual-fantasy]

30 Asks! Thank you!! :)) 🦒

I have developed a few backstory ideas for almost all the characters, I could talk a bit about those at least! :000

First, Home. (Wally's house) Home is supposed to be a living entity with unknown intentions.. so far I haven't planned out any major ways that it interacts with anyone. Other than it watching Wally sleep at night.. the feeling is so intense and disturbing that he constantly wakes up feeling anxious..

Speaking of Wally, he's supposed to be this genuinely innocent friend of the neighborhood and he has no idea that his house is alive. Wally thinks that he just has some kind of sleeping and anxiety issues which is why he keeps waking up at night feeling afraid and uncomfortable. That's also why I always draw him with bags under his eyes and my explanation for why he talks the way he does. <XDD The poor guy cant get a good night sleep! Sometimes when his "anxiety" gets really bad he'll go crash at Barnaby's house for a night or two. For some reason he feels a lot safer there..

Speaking of Barnaby, I haven't thought too much about his backstory. But I like the idea that he's a lot like sans. XDD By that I mean he's a goofy guy but there's a lot more too his character and he's a lot more intelligent than people think he is. Barnaby is actually very aware of what's going on around him. He's the first to know when one of his neighbors isn't doing well and the first to figure out what's bothering them. Even if he's not close friends with them.

Also tacking on a last minute note on Barnaby- I like think Barnaby has lived in the neighborhood for a very long time. If not the longest. He was there to see Howdy open shop and saw Julie, Sally and Frank all move in. He was the first neighbor everyone became acquainted with and he always made everyone feel right at home. Barnaby is so friend shaped 🥺💞💞

Next is Julie. I haven't done the best job at showing it when I draw her.. but Julie is intended to kiiind'a be an amalgamation of all the neighbors. What I mean by this, is her and her sisters are naturally these huge horrible looking beasts that live in the woods. But Julie was able to slowly transform herself and modify her appearance to look more.. friendly! So that she could become a resident of the neighborhood and not scare anyone away <XDD

How she did this is she just studied the neighbors from the bushes and modeled her appearance after them. Long eye lashes like Poppy, Different colored nose like Howdy,, and since she never saw anyone else bare foot.. Little feet paws like Barnaby <XDD She kind'a kicks herself for that one. Turns out the people she was trying to mimic the most, Wally and Eddie, don't have paws for feet- But that's alright. No one really questions it!

Now Eddie is the usual interpretation I think. He was originally a real human but now he's a neighbor with no memory of who he once was.. he doesn't really remember his childhood or where he came from. He's also just generally forgetful. 😅 The only thing he consistently does right is get everyone's mail delivered right on time!

I have ideas of him having hallucinations, strange dreams or even fainting spells when he encounters something significant from his past life. I considered one of the triggers for his spells could be imagery of an orange cat. Maybe he had one as a pet in his original life? If he ever encountered one and then fainted.. he might just start telling the neighbors that he's allergic to cats.. <XD idk, I haven't fully thought that all through yet XDD

Sally is the last I'll comment on. Her story keeps changing up but I have solid ideas for her biology.

I want her to be an actual celestial being of some kind. I imagined her being a glowing star child that is always warm to the touch. She can control/dim her light pretty significantly but she can never fully go dark. So she's hard to sleep near during sleep overs <XDD

Speaking of sleep overs, I actually imagined that she doesn't need to sleep! Perhaps its like the gems from Steven Universe. She can sleep if she wants to but she doesn't need to by any means. She gets all her energy from what she eats! I also pictured her wearing what ever she wants year round! She absolutely thrives in the sunlight and her body is much stronger than the cold around her. So she can wear shorts in the winter and sweaters in the summer all she wants! Lucky gal.. <XDD

I have some ideas for the other neighbors, but this is already a wall of text. Maybe next time <XDD

Perhaps I should go back sometime and draw these guys again :00 At least get around to redesigning Sally and Julie, it could be fun! :}}

XDDD AAAA IDK!! Its been a while since I've thought about him! XDD

Hmm let me think... well, He's a loyal and devoted servant of the king and his family. Almost to the extent you'd wonder if he's been brainwashed or cursed..

I've haven't thought too much about his backstory or how he came to be in the position of power that he's in.. But I do have some ideas floating around for how me may interact with some of the Koopalings. :00

The main idea I had in mind was Morton coming to him and voicing and insecurity of some kind, putting himself down in the process. perhaps he said it absentmindedly.. but Commander was quick to defend him, bowing at his feet "Who dared to speak to my Lord in this way? With your command, I shall have their head!" Upon explaining that no, no one said that to him.. he just feels that way.. Commander has a talk with him that boosts his confidence. Not sure what exactly the insecurity could be.. perhaps Mortons appearance? <:0

(In response to this post)

Aww! I love those names!! :DD Though I don't know if its just me, but I feel like the names should be swapped? <XD Idk- the plup roly poly feels more like a Bernard than a Diego to me. But I totally agree withy them having Tea on Tuesdays! XDD I'm glad you like them! :))

@silly-creetur

<XDD Sorry you had to scroll so far to find Octonauts- but I'm glad you liked what you saw! :))

@lolzwaitwhat (Love your username XDD)

They will be forever confused yet grateful. 🥺🥺💞💞💞

I'm still open for suggestions! And I don't get as many as people seem to think I do.. 😅 also thank you! I'll do my best! <XD

(Referencing this post)

:DDD THANK YOU!!

As for the canvas size, yeahh, for the pixel stuff the canvas's are absolutely tiny. That first dragon drawing is on like a 300-300 canvas. If I were to post it as is it would be really small if you tried to view it. Soooo I just copy/pasted and blew the image up to like 800/800. Its a lil blurry but that's okay <XDD

@aria-the-derg

XDD Thank you! Man its been years since I've done an OC trade..

@thesunbun

XDDD THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! :DDDD

@clownaroundtowne

Oh wow.. neotony.. that's so interesting! I learned something new today! :00 And yeah! Perhaps it could be! :0000

*snimfle...* ..am I weewy yow favowite? 🥹💞💞💞 fank you!!

AAAA THANK YOU SO MCUH!!!! :DDD AND YES IT DID MAKE ME SMILE!! :}}}}

Its cool to hear that you wanna try FireAlpaca! Though I warn you, it can be a but buggy/wonky at times! <XDD It takes some time to learn how to work around its quirks <XD

I have not heard of it, no.. but upon Googling it, I love the art style! :))

@astaherussy

Do I like Jax? Personally I think he's pretty funny, but he's hard to like because he's such a jerk. <XD Although I'm not totally set in my opinions on him. I know there's a lot of angst going on behind the scenes that probably helps to explain his behavior.. I'm sure once we see that backstory- if we ever do, I'll like him a lot more :))

My opinion on the FNAF movie is it wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. :00 My favorite parts were the inclusion/intended inclusion of MatPat, Markiplier and other Youtubers. I also FLIPPED OUT when Bonnie was the first to move. Just like the game! And it recreated that initial horror so well XDD Overall I'd say 7/10, WOULD watch it again! :))

My FNAF AU has been shelved hard. 😔 I've been battling health problems for almost a year now. I don't have the strength to comfortably sit at my desktop PC long enough to work on those comics right now.. All these recent posts of mine have been drawn from the couch on this old laptop, where I don't have access to any of my FNAF stuff from my main PC.. its been rough man. 😔

The cookie crew is doing well! I've actually been thinking about drawing them again soon.. 👀

The Factual fam is the same! Doing great, thinking I might draw them again soon! :))

Awe, thank you!! I've thought about making some kind of merchandise on and off. Since all these medical expenses are really starting to stack up.. so its really encouraging to hear that some folks would be interested! <:}}}

Oh boy have I. <XDD Ya'll were right, my heart was NOT ready for Appa's episode 🥺💔💔💔 I already have something angsty in mind for that but I'm having trouble with trying to make that comic..

I'm looking for an opportunity where Aang, Appa and the gang are all back together and traveling like usual. Then when they set up camp for the day is where the angst will strike- but it seems like right after they got Appa back the gang split up..

Soo I'm just continuing to watch for now. Perhaps the angst I have in mind will occur later? Or perhaps the perfect gap in time I'm waiting for is only a few episodes away. Who knows <XDD

@socherryblossomstrawberry

XDD Noooo!! Why do that??

XDD THANK YOU!! I'm glad you think so! :))

I haven't drawn much for it yet because Its a little challenging for me to draw fanart the way I want to for series that have a linear story.. if that makes any sense-

Shows like SpongeBob or series likeeee.... Welcome home? Things where its more of "a day in the life of" type deal. I can draw fanart and funny scenarios for those a lot easier. Where as with Avatar I'm still kind'a waiting for the perfect gap in the story where I can draw goofy group shenanigans without thinking "Oh wait they'd be dealing with this plot point during this comic..." does that make sense?? <XDD

@coolguyoninternet

:0... huh?

🫠Not really- but I'm hoping this is all over soon <:)

@dummdummdummy

<XDD I'm afraid I am unfamiliar with those names- the osc fandom..?

@mimiocto

Fank you 😌

@olives-in-shadows

I'm hanging in there as best I can 🫠🫠🫠

When he said "Well, how did I get here?" I felt that 💔

@anikakitty11

Oh my goodness I love this beautiful puppo 🥺🥺🥺

@tallchest13-blog (Link to document)

THIS IS SO COOL WHAT???

@chimerathekid (Image is from this post)

XDDD That's how I like to interpret him at least! XDD

@invaderdrey

Ah yes! The mystery dungeon games!! :DD Someone told me about those games and the key to getting Grim to mega evolve! The empowerment seed!! :DD

I was gonna make a comic about it, buuuut after sketching it all? It came out to like 4 parts and 80 canvases. With 3-6 drawings per canvas. Soooo I might not get around to finishing that... 😅

@minnesotamedic186 (In response to this ask post)

😔

@mason-gaylord

I don't know if my Gengar in game has that trait or not- but it looks like it wouldn't be too much of a bother! :0 Google seems to say that it only has a 30% chance of disabling attacks that hurt the user. So as long as none of Grim's friends decide to fight him it shouldn't effect them XDD

[streamafterlaughter]

Fundamental Differing

gif credit

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Chapter XXI: Baby, What Did You Expect?

summary: it’s the mid tour finale, and of course nothing is as it seems. i’m horrible at blurbs pls forgive me

cw/tags: alcoholism, addiction mentions, probably some improper AA etiquette, angst per usual, lots of tears. gn!reader, rockstar!eddie, estranged lovers, mutual pining, angst

a/n: hehe haha hehe. this is probably my best work thus far. i really hope yall enjoy it, this took a LOT out of me

—

January 1991

Steve’s POV

“Pick up, pick up, pick up.” He taps his foot on the linoleum, the buzzing overhead lights causing him to squint through his already painful migraine. Your phone goes to voicemail again, and Steve all but slams the payphone down onto the receiver. “Fuck!” He huffs, turning back down the hall, defeated.

In his room, Eddie sleeps on the hospital bed under a thin blanket. There’s a tube in his nose, but the doctor said the word stable, leaving Steve some time to call you. Not that it mattered. Even if you had answered, what would he have said? Would you even want to know?

–

July 1991

Eddie’s POV

It’s been a whole year since he’d seen you, but there you were. Right in front of him, dancing with a small redhead covered in tattoos, a plastic cup in one hand, the other in the air. He already knows he won’t go over, won’t approach you, or even try to violate your field of vision. But he can’t bring himself to look away from you, the way your shirt clings to your body perfectly, the way your skirt lands right below the curve of your ass, your exposed legs going on for miles. He drinks you in from afar, without caring how creepy it feels, seeing you without your knowledge, It’s day eighty nine, but Eddie turns to the bartender and orders a drink.

–

Present Day

Your POV

It just doesn’t make sense. If Steve had known about Eddie’s problem like he claims, then why on earth had he let him drink himself stupid? Your brain tries to rationalize your best friend’s choice, but you come up with nothing. There is no good reason for what Steve did. Didn’t he pride himself on taking care of his friends?

You sit up as the bus starts moving, preparing to confront Steve before quickly remembering he’s on the other bus. Instead, you find Robin reading a beaten copy of On The Road in the breakfast nook, and drop down beside her, sighing.

She glances up but doesn’t speak, eyebrow cocked as you pout for her full attention. She dog ears her page, making a show of sitting up straight, like a proper catholic girl in class.

“I’m having a dilemma.” You state, refusing to let your voice crack. “I need an outside perspective.” Really, you need someone to tell you what you want to hear, but you can’t say that.

“I’m all ears, babe.”

“This whole thing with Eddie,” You ignore her not so subtle eye roll. “Something’s just not right. Steve knew, y’know, about Eddie’s drinking. He told me himself he’d been aware, even before I was.”

“Okay…”

“But Eddie had been drinking, when tour started. A lot. And Steve definitely knew, because he’d been the one to carry him to bed most of the time.”

“What exactly is your dilemma in this scenario?”

“Why was he watching his friend backslide? Why didn’t he do a fucking thing to help him?” You can’t keep your voice from weavering, and you choke on your breath. “I don’t get how he could claim to care for Eddie, to love him, and let him do that to himself. Not after-” You stop, not knowing what Robin should and shouldn’t know.

“After what?”

“After everything, I guess.”

“Listen to me, honey. Eddie is a grown man, so’s Steve. Sure, we’re all buddy buddy, but when it comes down to it, we can’t always play heroes.”

“What, so we’re supposed to be okay watching Eddie slowly kill himself?”

Robin pinches between her eyes, deep in thought. “No, of course not. But at some point, talking to a wall is gonna get old. But, hey! Eddie hasn’t had a drink in weeks, right? So why the worry now?”

You shake your head. “I guess I’m just nervous. We have a month off, and I don’t know where i’m gonna go. I could go to my place in Boston, or go back to Seattle. I just-”

“You’re worried about Eddie.” For once you’re grateful for how easily she can read you.

“I am.”

“You want my advice? Play it by ear. No one said that you have to stay away from him now that business hours are over. You can afford to reconnect with him, in the real world.” She makes a point, but what exactly is the real world? The world you know is barely real, and the one you’d known before it felt even less so. Sometimes you wish you’d died in the Upside Down, at least then you wouldn’t have known such a profound kind of pain.

–

Eddie’s POV

“Tomorrow night, we play our last show of the first leg of the Freak Show Tour,” Eddie announces to his bandmates crowded around the small breakfast table of the tour bus. “We will rock this house like we have rocked no other, a grand finale they will wish they televised!” The response is various whoops and cheers from his friends, and a small smile from Steve as he stands aside with his arms crossed. “Let’s make sure the state of… uh…” Eddie places a hand to his mouth, stage whispering to Steve, “Where are we?”

“Delaware.”

“Let’s make sure the state of Delaware can’t prepare for what we’re about to give ‘em!” Eddie hollers, and his friends join in as the bus pulls around the back of the hotel parking lot.

–

He swipes his key card as he catches you unlocking the door next to him. “Hey neighbor.” He winks, feeling awfully bold after a long trip without seeing you.

“Hey, Eds.” You send him a smile that makes his heart skip, and he curses himself for being so easily bent out of shape. You and him are friends. Friends with a long, frustrating history, but friends nonetheless. “You ready for the mid tour finale?” He asks, awkwardly shifting to lean against the doorframe.

He catches as your face falls the slightest bit. “Yeah, I guess so. It’s gonna be weird, I think.”

“How so?”

You shrug. “I dunno. We’ve been on the road for like a month now. It almost feels normal. I won’t know what to do with myself when I’m back at home.”

He must be mistaken, but your words sound almost like an invitation, a cracked door. “Where’s home for you?” He asks, ignoring how tacky it must sound.

–

Your POV

It takes a lot to bite your tongue before you blurt, “You,” but you manage.”I uh, I think I’m going back to Boston. Might as well, it’s where we start back up again.” It will be August then, and you’ll have heard for sure whether you’re playing one of the biggest music festivals of the year. You still haven’t told Eddie, and at this point you aren’t sure what you’d say. “What about you? Where are you headed?”

Eddie sucks his top lip between his teeth in thought. “Maybe LA, or I’ll hold myself to my promise to visit Wayne. Depends.”

“On what?” It sounds like a challenge.

“On if I want to face my guilt or keep running from it. Or something equally dramatic.”

You snort, pretty eyes rolling back into your head. “Please.”

“What?”

“Don’t be shitty. Let yourself feel guilty, god knows you deserve to. Visit Wayne, at least for a while.”

“Why does it matter to you what I do?” He doesn’t mean for the words to come out as harshly as they do.

“Believe it or not, Ed, you still matter to me. Very much. And if you let yourself be miserable, we’ll all have to put up with your bullshit when we come back. Do us all the favor. Go home.” You swipe your card again, entering your room before Eddie can respond.

–

It shouldn’t matter. You and Eddie aren’t what you used to be, no matter how hard you delude yourself into thinking you can get back there. That possibility feels long gone, completely unreachable at your current status. You have to settle.

You walk over to the big window in your room, drawing back the heavy shades to reveal the setting sun and city of Dover below. You lay back on the bed, the fluffy pillows soothing you quickly to sleep.

–

A knock on your door rattles you awake. The digital clock on your nightstand reads 11:30 PM, and you groan as you roll onto your feet. Another round of heavy knocking makes you scurry faster to the door.

“What?!” You demand, flinging the door back to reveal a disheveled Steve clad in a wrinkled tank top and linen pajama pants. “Oh good, you’re awake.” Steve shoves past you and into the room without an invite, causing you to spin on your heel to face him.

“Well, I am now! What the hell is going on?”

“I can’t find him.”

“Who?”

“Eddie!”

Good fucking god. “He’s not in his room?”

Steve looks at you like you’ve asked the dumbest question in the world. You suppose you have. “No. He went out. Didn’t seem like he was okay.” Steve holds his face in his hands. “I’ve called all the bars in the area, no one’s said they’ve seen him. He could be on the street somewhere, he could-”

“Okay, enough!” Of course he’s worried, but you’re fed up with Steve’s inability to be consistent. “Where was this attitude a month ago? When he was drinking himself silly before every show, when he would beg for whiskey the mornings after? You let him relapse, and now you’re worried?” You don’t realize you’re yelling until someone next door bangs on the wall, demanding you shut up.

“What are you talking about?” Steve sniffs, lifting his head to look at you.

“Steve, you’d known this whole time that Eddie has a problem. You’ve been letting him indulge in it, doing almost nothing. Now you’re surprised he’s gone out without telling you? Seriously?”

“There is only so much I can do to stop him, Y/n, you have to know that. I had to watch him vomit all over himself while I waited for the paramedics, I had to watch him detox in that hospital bed. Then I had to watch him relapse. Not just last month, but last year. He fell off the wagon after eighty nine days, Y/n, eighty nine. You wanna know why?” He waits for you to answer, but you’re not sure you want to. “Because he saw you at a gig. In New York, last July. He called me that night, told me everything. Told me he was sorry, that he was a waste of my time, all that shit. Made me promise to never try to save him again.” Steve’s in tears when he finishes, and you feel your own start to fall. “I have kept my mouth shut because I promised, but I worry about him every day. Well, until lately. He’s been so much happier, and there’s no use even arguing why that must be. But he’s not your responsibility either, I know that. It’s not fair of me to be putting any expectations on you. I just thought you might know where he is.”

You drop onto the mattress beside Steve, resting your head on his shaking shoulder. “I think I might know where he is. We can’t go there, though.”

“Why not?”

“It’s supposed to be anonymous.” You hope to every god that you’re right.

–

Eddie’s POV

“I haven’t been to a meeting in about a year,” Eddie starts, addressing the small group in front of him, sitting in a circle of folding chairs in the basement of a church. “But today is the two year anniversary of the worst day of my life. I guess it’s getting to me lately.”

“What happened two years ago?” The woman running the meeting encourages Eddie. She’s an older woman, with sandy blonde hair and a wrinkled, kind face.

“I ruined the best thing I could have ever asked for. I lost the love of my life, walked out on them for the last time after months of doing whatever I felt like with their feelings…

–

July 1990

“We can’t do this anymore.” You’re talking to the ceiling, arms resting on top of your chest, you don’t look at him. He’s next to you, stuck to the bed with sweat, breathing in your scent that begins to suffocate him. He knew this day was coming. You’d been seeing each other for about a month now, after half a year of not speaking.You’d fallen victim to his drunken pleas, as well as what Eddie suspects is your own self hatred.

“What are you talking about?” He plays dumb, hoping you’ll chicken out of leaving him for a second time.

“This,” You motion to the room around you. “I can’t see you anymore. It’s too much.”

“Too much?” Eddie sits up, and wills the room to stop spinning.

“Every time you come over, you’re wasted. You’re miserable most of the time, and the times you aren’t you’re hopped up on blow. It’s like you’ve added me to your list of fucking bad habits. I don’t want to be that for you anymore.” Your tone is ice cold, not a hint of sadness or anger in your voice at all. It chills Eddie to his core.

“Fine.” Eddie huffs, shoving himself out of bed. “Makes perfect sense, you telling me all this after I fuck your brains out. Made sure to get what you wanted first, right?”

“Eddie, come on,” You go to move, but Eddie tucks the blanket back over you.

“No, really, it’s fine. Ten minutes ago you were telling me how much you missed me, how good it felt. Now you’re cutting me off? Just like that?” Eddie shoves his legs clumsily into his jeans, cursing under his breath when his toe gets caught in a hole. “We talked about this. This was supposed to be purely physical, remember? You agreed to that.”

“I did, I know. But I agreed before I could understand that you’re… well, different.”

“Different how?” He snaps. You hesitate, picking anxiously at your fingernails. “Y/n?”

“You’re mean, Eddie. You’re cold. You don’t care how you make me feel, or rather, how you don’t make me feel when you sleep over. I’ve had to fake it. Beyond that, I can’t even make conversation with you. I feel used. It’s lonely.”

He sees red. Eddie gathers up his jacket, and his still half full beer bottle from the nightstand. “Fuck you,” He spits, tossing things aside as he searches for his keys. “Y’know what, yeah. We’re done.” He gulps the rest of the drink down before slamming the bottle into the bin.

“We can’t be done if we weren’t anything to begin with.” Your words bite, despite them originally being his own from when he’d come up with such a stupid agreement. “And we won’t have to break up, because this isn’t a thing.” He’d seduced you after a show one night, high out of his mind. He’d never expected you to agree to it.

“Perfect,” He snaps, daring himself to look at you. Your eyes are wet, but you’re stoic. You don’t tremble, you don’t heave or scream or shudder. “I don’t ever want to see your face again.” He doesn’t mean that, and he regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth. But he can’t take them back now. “We don’t know each other.”

“I don’t think we ever did.” Your final words ring loudly in his ears as he slams the door behind him.

–

The group waits patiently for Eddie to finish, and he wipes a tear he hadn’t noticed from his cheek.

“You say you see this person frequently now?” The woman asks, and Eddie nods.

“We’re on tour together. Tomorrow’s our last show ‘til next month. Needed a meeting a little extra tonight, I guess.” It’s past midnight, this group being one that meets in the late hours to cater to night shift workers.

“Well, we thank you for sharing with us tonight, Eddie.”

“Thank you, Eddie.” The group responds as if on cue. The meeting is dismissed shortly after, and Eddie makes his way to the table for complementary stale coffee and doughnuts.

“You’re really brave for coming here.” The voice is small, taking Eddie a second to register. He turns around to face a girl who can’t be older than seventeen. “I’m Macy. Addict.”

“Hi, Macy.” Eddie greets her like he’s reciting a script. “I dunno about brave. That’s probably the last thing I feel right now.”

“Well, think of it like this. You could have gone to a bar, or a club to try and score. You came here instead. That’s brave.”

He shrugs. “I guess you’re right.”

“And they still love you, y’know. That doesn’t just go away.”

“How would someone your age know so much about something like that?”

Macy shrugs. “I follow the tabloids. I know who you are. I won’t say anything, obviously. But I’ve been watching you, with them. I’ve seen the photos, and the music doesn’t leave much to the imagination.”

“You can’t believe everything you read.” He’s not sure whether to take her word, she seems so genuine.

“Maybe not, but I believe this.”

Eddie gives her a sad smile before saying goodbye. She waves him off with a warm smile.

Once outside, he lights a cigarette, letting the smoke fill his lungs as he closes his tired eyes. The exhaustion has washed over him, and he’s ready to be dragged under when he hears footsteps approaching.

—

Your POV

He opens his eyes and meets them with yours, heavy from lack of sleep. “Hi.” You wave shyly, like you’ve never met him.

“How’d you find me here?” He flicks ash onto the concrete.

“Saw the flier in the lobby when we came in. Checked it again and saw one less tab on the bottom. Minor detective work.” You smile, despite the exhaustion written on your face. His cheeks warm.

“You alone?”

You nod. “Took a world of convincing Steve not to come with me. I think I’ve sedated him, though.”

“Shit, he that worried?”

You shrug. “You know how he gets. He’ll be glad to know you’re okay, though.”

“What, did you think I’d gone on a run too?”

“No, actually. It was my idea to check here. Relieved as shit that I’m right.”

“Yeah, me too.”

You stretch your hand out to hold as the doors swing open, a herd of people filing out. A small girl with a sweet face sends Eddie a smile, and winks at you before getting into a cab, and you turn to find him blushing.

“Friend of yours?”

He chuckles. “Guess you could say that.” He entwines his fingers with yours without waiting for an invitation. All too familiar touches, worlds away from where you’d stood only a month ago. “So,” He starts, swinging his arm and yours as you start back toward the hotel, “were you worried about me?” His tone is teasing, tinged with what can only be described as hope.

You can feel your cheeks warm and you suck your bottom lip between your teeth. “Guess you could say that.” You squeeze his hand. “But that’s nothing new. I’m always worried about you.”

—

July 1990

Your POV

“It’s over,” You’re sobbing into the receiver, barely able to hear Steve’s sigh on the other end. Relief? Disappointment? You can’t tell, your senses are blunted only by the thought of him.

“Are you okay? Wait, stupid question,” Steve stumbles on the other line, unsure of how to comfort you. “Can I do anything?”

You shake your head before you remember he can’t see you. “No, no. I’ll be alright. I ended it. I had to. He’s not the same person I fell in love with. I know that now.”

“Maybe, but there’s a lot you don’t know.”

“Do I want to know?”

Steve waits a beat before answering, the static of the line filling your head. “No, I don’t think you do.”

You talk for an hour before you feel your eyelids grow heavy, and say your goodbyes before hanging up. You are once again in silence. Alone. In a fit of rage— or of heartbreak, you’re not sure, you fall to your knees and let go. You haven’t cried like this in months, the kind of cry that leaves you hoarse and tired, but tonight, in the dark of your bedroom, you cry for the person you used to know.

—

Eddie’s POV

“Thank you, Denver! Goodnight!” The crowd erupts into cheers, pleas for a second encore, and Eddie’s sure he can see women in the front row tearing their bras off to throw onstage. The house speakers blast Talking Heads Burning Down The House as kids make their way to the exit. Eddie slides through the crowd of techs and stagehands backstage, making his way to the green room to collapse on the weathered couch.

“That was fucking incredible!” Jeff exclaims, clapping his calloused hands together. “Best show so far, I think.”

“Psh, that was nothin’, wait ‘til you see what Boston can do.” You’re sitting in the rickety recliner, a cigarette between your fingers, still dressed in your stage clothes. Your skin shines with sweat and glitter, cheeks rosy from exertion. You’re most stunning like this, Eddie thinks.

“Yeah? You willing to bet on that?” He jokes.

“Oh, more than willing!” You chuckle, stubbing out your smoke in the ashtray next to you. “But tonight, I turn in early.” You make a point to stand up, stretching your arms above your head. Eddie’s eyes fall to your midsection, exposed to him while you sort out your limbs. You’d think he’d never seen skin, the way he feels his skin burn at the sight of your stomach.

“Aw, it’s our last night together!” Sylvie whines, shoving you playfully. “One drink?”

Eddie waits with bated breath, and swears your eyes dart to his before you answer.

“Fine. One drink.”

—

Eddie doesn’t follow you to the bar, he knows better. Tonight has already been difficult, knowing he has nowhere to go after tonight, nowhere he wants to go, anyway. He digs through his duffel bag until he finds his long ignored copy of Tighten Up. He wants more of you, somehow. He’s still desperate to know how you’d felt, those horrible years apart.

He skips to the title track, tucking his hair behind his ears before equipping the headphones. The song greets him with the static of an amp, followed by the clicking of drumsticks. When it kicks in, the song is full, clearly a whole band effort. Robin’s bass cuts through with a funky riff, layered underneath dirty guitars and heavy drums. He’s sure the song can’t get better until your voice slices through the music

Dared myself to stand back up, / After all these wasted tears, / Felt my heart sew itself together, / After all that wear ‘n’ tear. / I let you turn your back on me, / I watched you walk away, / And ‘til now I let myself believe / I was supposed to die that way. / But now I’ve tightened up my heart, / I’ve locked away the pain, / and I don’t have much left to give, / without asking for the same.

You tell a story of a broken soul, fighting its way through the dark on its own. The music swells as you belt the chorus, and Eddie can almost feel his fingers hurt during your guitar solo. Robin’s backing vocals fill out your lead, and the buzz of the snare drum carries out the bridge.

When the song fades, Eddie takes his headphones off, needing to digest what he’s just heard. This one might just be his favorite on the album, at least so far. It feels like the pinnacle, the turning point of the story told by the tracks. He’s heard it live, sure, but something about hearing the way it’s produced gives him more of an idea of what you’d been feeling in the moment.

He has an overwhelming urge to see you. He launches himself out of bed, gathering himself as best he can for being so frazzled. He’s in sweatpants, a tattered t-shirt draped loosely over his form, hair pulled into a low ponytail to keep from tangling. He goes to turn the knob, but stops when he hears voices in the hall.

“I can’t believe it.” You’re wasted, words slurring together between hiccups and giggles. Eddie can picture you, rosy cheeked and stumbling, clawing for his arm to support your swaying weight, and his heart lurches as if to grab you through the door. “We’re playing fucking Lollapalooooooza!” You howl the word, and he hears Steve shush you as Robin cackles.

“Hey, hey!” Steve stage whispers, trying to silence you. “Don’t go gloating about it.”

“Why not?” He can almost hear your pout, and he chuckles to himself.

“I don’t wanna deal with you pissing Eddie off.”

“Y’know, Stevie, he’s gonna find out one way or another. Might as well come from me. Besides, he’s different. He’s happier, I think. I dunno. I hope he’s happy, he deserves to be happy.” Eddie’s heart swells as he listens to your tangent, but you’re not done yet. “I wish I could make him happy again. I feel like, whatever I do, I make it worse.” Your voice is cracking, whether from overuse or from trying not to cry, Eddie can’t tell. Now he has to see you. He goes to turn the knob again, but there’s a knock on his door at the very same moment.

Eddie opens the door almost as soon as you’re finished knocking, wafting your scent of lavender and vanilla into his nostrils.

“Hi,” You exhale the word, and Eddie can’t help when his lips twitch upward before he lets his grin free. “Needed to see you.”

“What a coincidence.” He tries not to let his excitement show, standing aside to let you in. “What’s goin’ on?”

“I have to tell you something. Well, I don’t have to. But I want to. You were the only person I wanted to tell, actually. I hope you’re not mad, though. I don’t know what I’d do if you were.”

“Hey, whoa, slow down,” Eddie rushes to where you sit on the edge of his bed, spiraling as the liquor tightens its hold on you. “Why would I get upset?”

You shrug lamely. “I dunno. Just, need you to be happy for me right now. Please be happy for me.” It’s a hoarse whisper, a plea meant for his ears only.

“Oh, sweetheart,” He doesn’t know where to put his hands, so he settles for resting one clammy palm on your leg. “You can tell me anything you want.” He knows what’s coming. You’re playing the biggest festival in the States. Something he’s dreamed about since the festival came to be. Of course it hurts, but Eddie can push that aside to be happy for you. He knows better.

You don’t continue, though. Instead, you scoot further into his side, nuzzling into his shoulder like a needy cat. Despite his aching heart, Eddie wraps his arm around you, letting you further into his hold. Your breathing slows back to normal, and Eddie has no desire to move from this spot. Tomorrow, you go back to Boston, and Eddie fucks off somewhere to wait out the month until he gets to see you again. He can indulge for one more night.

“I do have stuff to tell you,” You say finally, “but not right now. Right now, I sleep.” You hum, and he scoffs. Surely you won’t remember this tomorrow, so he decides not to push you. Eddie slides out from where you rest, laying you back into the mattress. He slips off your shoes and jeans, careful not to tug at anything else. He then tucks the blanket up to your chin, and starts to make a place for himself on the floor when your hand shoots out, snatching his wrist.

“Please, sleep here.” You pat the bed next to you, and he melts at the gesture. Your eyes are almost completely closed, hair wild from dancing, sweating, whatever you’d been doing tonight.

“You’re drunk, sweets. You’ll be upset in the morning.” He doesn’t want to deny you, especially in your softened, sleepy state.

“No!” You shake your head vigorously, wincing at the movement. “No, I won’t. Please, Eddie,” and he’s a goner. Of course he surrenders, and tucks himself into the warm bed next to you. You snuggle into him like it’s instinct, making a home on his chest as he lay stiffly with an arm around you, waiting for you to get comfortable.

You let out a sigh, your breathing slowing, arms wrapped around him with surprising strength. Eddie’s mind starts to wander back to the song, how someone is capable of two such wonderful emotional extremes.

Your mumbling tickles his neck, pulling him from his head. He doesn’t quite catch the words.

“What was that?” He coos, enjoying your touches, your breath on his skin. He could live here.

“I said, ‘I love you, Eddie.’” The words come out strung together, but to Eddie they puncture with each syllable. “G’night.” And before he can respond, you’re snoring.

Eddie, once ready to retire for the evening, is now completely wired, feeling you drift into dreamland next to him, as if you haven’t just upended everything.

—

chapter xxii

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[hollowwrites]

Blindsided

Part 8

Ominis x MC

Summary - Evelyn experiences one of Ominis nightmares, first hand.

I’m trying to get some sweetness back to this fic but it seems when I wrote down my rough timeline for everything I was in a horrible mood and now these two babes must suffer for it

We are getting back on the cute train after this I PROMISE

Again feel free to swap Evelyn for MC or Y/N

Warnings - mentions of pain, details of pain, Crucio, scarring, All character aged up 18+

Word Count - 2551

~

Evelyns eyes fluttered open quickly from her slumber for a multitude of reasons.

Firstly, the duvet she had placed so strategically around her had betrayed her in the night leaving her body completely exposed to the cold winter air. Her hands remained covered but that was only because she clung to them so desperately.

Secondly, she became increasingly more aware of breathing somewhere in her room. As her eyes acclimatised to the darkness, the breathing became more ragged. She blinked away the shroud of sleep that threatened to pull her back down to the pillows and pulled herself up out of the bed. As her legs swung to the side, they bumped against a figure lying across the foot of the bed and sitting in her armchair.

Ominis.

He sat, still in his clothes from the day before, a book splayed across his lap and wand still in hand. His head rested against his own shoulder uncomfortably and she watched as his chest rose and fell faster than it should have been.

The breathing that woke her erupted from his chest once more, this time accompanied by a lethargic groan. His head twitched inhumanly as his breathing got faster and faster.

Evelyn shuffled closer to him, eventually kneeling down by his side. She pried his wand from his hand with some difficulty. The whites of his knuckles showing the strain of how he gripped the wand. Once she’d squeezed her fingers between his and released the wand another twitch burst from the sleeping Gaunt.

“Ominis?” She took his hand in hers giving a gently but firm squeeze

“Wake up, Ominis. You’re having a-ah” she felt him squeeze her hand back slightly harder than she would expect. His eyes shot open and his glazed over irises stared through her.

“O-Ominis?” He squeezed harder. Bones now bunched closer together, her fingertips going slightly numb. She brought her free hand to his chest, pushing harshly against him.

“Ominis. You’re hurting me.” She tried to not sound as though she was on the verge of tears.

“No” he finally replied, his voice raspy from sleep and anger. He grasped at her other wrist bringing them both forward and pulling her up off the floor. “I would never hurt her”

“Ominis please. You’re awake…ah…stop” she whimpered under the incredible strength around her. She contemplated screaming for Sebastian just to physically get him off her. She knew he didn’t mean it but…merlin. If it weren’t for the Crucio she had endured twice, this would be the most pain she had ever been in.

Suddenly, he let go, almost throwing her across the room. If he had held on to any other part of her, he would have succeeded. Her wrists flopped down to her lap, and she fell back against the side of her bed. The rush of blood to her hands stung, causing her to limply clamp her hands around themselves to control the sudden flow of blood. She let out an involuntary hiss though her teeth from the pain and she felt Ominis move to beside her. She chanced a glance in his direction and immediately regretted it.

He looked…awful.

Tears stained his red pocked cheeks, the flow of which hadn’t long ceased. His brows were a straight hard line across his features, nose scrunched in disgust and his mouth hung open and close as though he fought with himself with what to say.

“It’s okay” She reached out a shaky pained hand to cup his cheek and he leaned ever so slightly into it. She whimpered quietly causing him to retreat but she pushed the pads of her fingertips into his hairline, running her thumb along his cheekbone. He smiled weakly.

“You’re too good to me” he whispered

“I am exactly as much good as you deserve” she gripped the other side of his face almost angry at him for thinking he deserved less. “Are you okay? I truly didn’t mean any of it I thought I was still-“

“Ominis, I’m fine” she thought it wise to avoid just how much pain he’d caused her. He placed his own hand over hers pulling it away from his features.

“Here, if you will allow me” he held her hand in both of his, barely any contact being made. The stark difference between now and a few moments ago only solidifying what she already assumed. He would never hurt her.

“Of course” she removed her other hand from his face letting it settle on his thigh. He turned to her, rotating her other hand over in his, gently pressing his fingertips into the soft tissue of her hands.

“Does that feel okay?” He asked tentatively. She simply hummed in response, the feeling in her fingertips slowly returning with each methodical sweep of his fingers. “Sometimes I wake up and my hands are numb from clenching my fists.” He explained as he swapped to her other hand “Other times, my hands are bloody from digging my own nails in” he turned his hand over to reveal small crescent moon shaped scars across his palms. She yanked her hand away to feel across each of the tiny bright white moons.

“Why have you never told me it’s this bad?” Her voice barely above a whisper. He shrugged.

“I don’t want to burden you. You carry so much on your shoulders already.” She opened her mouth to protest but he raised a hand to allow himself to continue “Besides, you already help me immeasurably when we meet in the common room”

“But that can’t be every time-“

“I share a room with Sebastian remember. He helps. Granted he’s not as soothing a presence as you but…few are” she sighed heavily “Don’t worry about me I’m used to this. I’m just…horrified…you were on the receiving end this time. I’m truly so sorry”

“No more apologies. I won’t hear them. Understood?” She was thankful he was blind at times like this. She was quite good at altering her voice to portray other emotions but her face? He would be able to clearly see through the concerned knot of her brow and crinkle of her nose.

“Understood” he smiled but it was lacking.

She couldn’t bare to see him look so…broken. Letting out an involuntary whimper, she threw her arms around his neck almost tackling him to the ground.

“If there is anything I can do no matter the time. Day, Night, whatever…please find me. Promise me!” she frowned into his neck

“I promise” with a final squeeze she released him from her arms, sweeping down his shoulders.

“Let’s get back to sleep. I doubt you feel refreshed after that ordeal”

“You could say that” he rubbed his eyes, chuckled and pulled himself back onto the chair. His muscles protested against the uncomfortable position he’d found himself in. He sucked his teeth trying to get comfortable.

“What are you doing?” Evelyn spoke with authority in her voice and he could hear the hands on her hips stance she had adopted.

“I think I’ve cricked my neck from that nightmare I can’t…ooof…get comfortable”

“No I mean, what are doing sleeping in those clothes on that chair? Get into bed”

“Excuse me? I’ve never had a woman command me into bed before”

“Oh shut up” she giggled, throwing the previously discarded shirt at him once again “It’s not like that it’s…just like when we sleep in the common room” she muttered trying to convince herself more than him.

“You’ll say just about anything to get me into bed” he smirked, his sarcastic self confidence returning. After all, he always felt safe with her and his normal conversational barriers fell weak at her feet, his unfiltered thoughts tumbling from his lips.

And people say Sebastian is a flirt.

Her cheeks burnt a brilliant crimson at his remark. He began to loosen his tie and unbutton his shirt and Eve turned around immediately. Why was she so shaky? Maybe it was this attitude Ominis had plastered on. He’d never been this bold before. Spending too much time with Sebastian she suspected. Or maybe it was spending too much time with her? Perhaps they had gotten too familiar and none of this meant anything to him. Just the same way Her and Sebastian talk. Her stomach twisted at the idea. Yet more fuel to throw on the fire of ‘Ominis is just a friend’.

“Get in for god sake” she muttered and he heard the the numerous blankets shift as she climbed back into bed. “Side closest to you now is free. I’m going to sleep”

He chuckled, slipping into the shirt she threw at him and climbing into the bed.

“Goodnight” he mumbled into her pillows. They radiated her scent. Everything about this house had her signature Rose lining it, but her linens and bedsheets were the worst. They enveloped him completely and it took a violent shiver next to him to pull him from the almost immediate slumber. “Are you cold?”

“Just a little” she murmured into the sheets, teeth chattering

“Come here” he raised his arm making a little Evelyn sized tent in front of him.

Perhaps it’s should have been considered cheating in his mind. Make no advances, keep her safe, was his idea, at least while you’re still a Gaunt. But right here, right now, under the cover of night, he felt as though they were the only people on this earth. It’s as though she knew of his plans and there was an unspoken agreement between them they would wait. That is…if she was even interested in him. Sebastian insisted she was smitten but Sebastian thinks that of everyone.

But here in their solitude that unspoken contract faltered:

He, pretended for just a night that he was no longer a Gaunt. Safe, Alone and happily a nobody.

Her, living in the fantasy that perhaps he could be more than just a friend.

Neither, realising it was much easier than either had assumed.

Without much thought at all she shuffled back towards him, nestling her back against his chest, the familiar soft fabric of their shirt tickling his neck. His warmth emanated from his chest into her. Her hair, soft and captivating, tickled his chin.

This moment was perfect.

Everything that both of them wanted, but couldn’t admit.

As he lowered his arm, ready to pull her into an embrace, his fingers caught the bare skin of her side. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean-“

“It’s okay” she shrugged too tired to pay attention to the butterflies rising in her stomach. She grabbed the edges of her sleep shirt to pull down.

“Wait…”

His fingers returned to her soft skin feeling the harsh outline of a scar upon her waist. It felt…almost familiar.

“What’s this?”

“Oh” his fingers danced over the embossed skin, feeling every divot and turn and harsh line pressed into her side.

“This is what Crucio leaves behind” he said solemnly. “I’d almost forgotten that night…”

She stayed his shaking hand, rolling onto her back beneath him. He’d propped himself up on one of his elbows, almost protectively, his body acting as a shield against the world. All Eve could see, smell or hear… was Ominis. A few centimetres up and her nose would be in the crook of his jaw and the smell of Sandalwood filled every sense. His fingers continued to trace over the lines of the intricate mark left behind by the curse. His anquished breath blanketed her as she wrapped her hand around his. He very lightly shook her off, catching the beginning of another scar. He placed his index finger at the apex of the large gash that sliced through her Crucio wound.

“And this?”

“That night I apparated to you…I got cut by a Diffindo as well” his brows upturned with worry

“Was Sebastian’s ever this bad?” His jaw set.

“It was never that…harsh…no”

“Good. I think I’d have killed him” he half smiled “You can tell how bad the pain was based on the scar it leaves behind. Like a cruel reminder. As if that spell needed to be any worse. This one feels…bad”

“So you have some?” She asked tentatively. “Actually…we don’t have to talk about this-“

“It’s fine” he smiled pushing himself up further in the bed. “I have…many”

“Can I see?” It was an innocent enough question. She was simply curious. He chuckled, a deep throaty chuckle that vibrated the bed as he sat up.

“First, you call me handsome” he recalled undoing the buttons of their sleep shirt. “Then you’re begging me to get into your bed” more buttons popped open “Now you’re asking me to undress? I never knew you were like this, Miss Hollow”

Her breathe caught in her throat as she sat up alongside him.

“Get over yourself, Mr Gaunt” he flinched.

There’s it was again. That name. The playful venom in her voice didn’t soften the blow of hearing it. If that wasn’t enough to stale the evening her reaction to his warped and tortured skin was.

She gasped as the the panels of his shirt fell to the side. He must truly look horrific. What a terrible idea. He felt his cheeks flush with embarrassment, Until he felt two cool fingers centre in over his heart.

Instinctively, she reached for the raw and ragged skin on his chest. It had clearly had years to heal but against his alabaster skin, the light pink of the scar looked…fresh. As she ran her fingers over the planes of his chest, her elbow brushed against his shirt revealing a series of harsher and larger scars leading around his side to his back.

“Ominis”

Oh to hear his name from her lips like that. The breathlessness caught Ominis off guard and he found his eyes fluttering shut under her gentle touches. His skin tingled and burned after each swipe of her fingertips.

“How many?” She asked quietly her voice barely audible

“I’ve lost count” he breathed out a singular laugh and he felt her shake her head. “Which is why I should have took that curse for you in the Scriptorium. I’d felt it dozens of time at that point…I was a coward”

“No I wouldn’t have allowed it. You think I could’ve stood by and listened to you in that pain.” She whispered. Her voice was heavy with pain and regret. But also…adoration? He’d never heard someone sound so genuine.

A silence fell upon them as her fingers traced a constellation of scars across his chest and down his waist.

“I can’t believe the Gaunts do this sort of thing…to their own family. I’m so sorry, Ominis” she ceased her light exploration of his torso, opting to pull him into yet another comforting embrace.

“You know you’re the only person I can hear say my name and not hate it.” He mumbled into her hair “You don’t know the Gaunts so you have no preconceptions…you make me proud that at least one person knows the Gaunts as a force of good…well at least not dark and macabre”

“That may have changed now that I’m somewhat witness to their cruelty…”

That settles it. She cannot know. He must swear Sebastian to secrecy. The Gaunt family meeting must remain a secret until what needs to be done, is done

Masterlist

[casspurrjoybell-30]

Cry Me a River - Chapter 39 - Part 1

*Warning Adult Content*

"Wouldn't it be a perfect crime, if I stole your heart and you stole mine?"

Under the Roses and Dandelions

I watched as River's eyes slowly fell close.

He'd been fighting sleep for last few hours in fear of his head injury.

Though I saw no reason for his fear.

Didn't one usually sleep off pain?

That and bloodletting were but the only ways of treating until Michael came along.

He was the first I had known to make strange liquids in order to heal someone, making him quite popular with the ill.

Anna claimed it was dangerous.

Though how she came to such conclusion, I didn't know.

A soft sigh drifted from River's plump lips as he turned over, rolling over until his head rested against my chest.

I let out a soft sigh of my own as I brushed a gentle finger across his milky skin.

'So soft.'

I felt a tug at my lips.

I bent my head down to kiss along his neck only to pull away with a startled jump.

His usual sweet scent was masked by a horrid, dirty scent.

A thorough bathing was much in order.

I wrapped my arms around his delicate form, one arm just below his neck, the other just above his tempting backside.

'Disgusting, don't let your mind wander in such a direction. He's sleeping. How completely ungentlemanly.'

I shook my head, placing a light kiss between his brows as an apology.

Pushing the door open with my foot, I bent down by the bath, turning the faucet on and allowing the water to heat up as I laid River on my lap and waited.

Once heated, I began to strip, struggling with one hand as I held River upright with the other.

When done, I reached for him, stripping him as well and climbing into the bath.

I hissed slightly at the change of temperature, giving myself time to adjust as I slowly lowered us into the water and laid him against my chest.

I was surprised by how deep asleep he truly was.

Through all the sweet-smelling oils and light kisses he remained out like a light, sleeping soundly against my chest as I took gentle care of him, cleaning and lathering every area my eyes cast upon.

I brushed my nose against his neck, smiling under the heavy influence of his intoxicating scent.

'Aah, perfect.'

He shifted briefly in my arms and I froze.

"Love?" I asked uncertainly.

He grumbled under his breath, speaking incoherently as he nuzzled against my chest.

I laughed lightly, watching as a pout fell across his small, pink lips.

'Poor, tired baby.'

I played with his hair as he feigned sleep, resting against my chest as I twirled a finger around a silky strand.

Light bounced off the blond strand, giving off a silken golden shine to the small curl.

'Like gold silk woven from sunlight angels.'

"I'm in a bath..." his voice came out unsure.

"Yes," I held in my laughter, kissing him lightly on the head to muffle whatever sound escaped as he remained silent.

"Is this your way of telling me I stink?"

I peered up at me with wide eyes and pouted lips.

"Well... you did smell a bit, love."

He let out an embarrassed squeak, face reddening by the moment.

'Ah, my own little tomato.'

"There's nothing to be embarrassed by, love."

I gave him a reassuring kiss on the shoulder.

"It had probably been awhile since your last bathing. That is if those mongrels even provided you with one," a low growl escaped my throat.

A soft hand brushed against my skin turning my attention back to him, as River peered up at my with tender eyes.

"They didn't treat me too horribly," he said, trying to calm me.

"Too?"

"Yes, most were very kind to me exactly. They had a very calming, little community down there. Though without you there it was absolute hell."

He looked down. I lifted his face with a finger, lips pulling down to catch his in a light peck.

"They, the rebels, don't have a very good reputation going for them. I wouldn't be surprised if they had locked you away in a chamber your entire stay."

My hands tightened.

"They didn't," he reassured me.

"They aren't at all like people claim them to be. They were very civilized. Not even once had I seen any shift during my stay there."

"They didn't shift?"

This surprised me.

He shook his head.

'Quite strange.'

"They were pretty... nice. I even got to meet Alice's sister."

'Alice?'

His eyes widened.

"Oh. I don't think I had told you of her, have I?"

I shook my head.

"She was a girl... or was..."

I raised a brow.

"But that's beside the point. She's a friend of mine. She helped me through my time in captivity. The only silver lining in the whole experience, actually," he laughed at this but I didn't find it very humorous.

'Why hadn't I heard of this girl? And besides that, why haven't I rewarded her yet? Surely she deserved some type of gift for being there for my love when I couldn't.'

"And her sister is a rebel?" I asked.

"But she had nowhere else to go," his voice rose in urgency,

"You don't understand, Alastair. Her whole town had turned on her, both of them. She had nowhere else to run," he took a breath.

"She's not a bad person."

'For him to get so worked up over a single girl...'

"Don't worry," I rubbed a soothing thumb across his cheek.

"I never claimed her to be so."

He nodded, peering at the water.

"Is there anything else I should know about?" I attempted to change the subject.

"Well, I don't know if it's of any importance but..." he took in a sharp breath.

"Parish... a boy there knew of my mother. There was a room of paintings he took me to and there was a painting... a painting of my mother."

He looked up at me, expecting a reaction.

I attempted to keep my face completely neutral.

"Is that so?"

He nodded.

"He said that's why he took me. That I had reminded him of an old friend. Of my mother."

'A boy had taken him? Not a man?'

"He knew you were your mother's son?"

Was he spying on him? If he was, who else is?

My eyes narrowed.

"No," he began playing with a bottle of lavender oil, splaying it across his arm.

"Just a lucky guess."

'Lucky guess, huh.'

"Not that it matters anymore," River added

"It's not like I'm seeing them ever again. They took off. You should have seen it, Alastair," he rose his arms, dropping the bottle into the water.

"They had the strangest contraptions, small, metal carts that moved along railings. I'd never seen anything like it," his voice rose as his eyes twinkled.

I reached into the water, grabbing the bottle he had dropped and poured a generous amount into my hands as I worked it gently into his back.

"Sounds exciting, love."

"Well, at the time I was a bit too stressed out to see the uniqueness of it all," his voice lowered as he began playing with my leg, drawing light patterns as I hummed, massaging the calming oils across the back of his body.

A soft sigh escaped his throat as he leaning into me, dropped his head against my chest.

I lifted my hands, allowing him space to fall back as I began massaging his tight shoulders.

'He's so tense.'

I nuzzled against his throat, allowing my lips to brush lightly against his speeding pulse.

"You're so tense, love. Relax," I breathed against his ear, feeling the small tremors that ran down his spine.

"Shh," I cooed, kissing up and down his neck.

He breathed softly, hands tightening around my thighs.

"I plan to start heading back to the palace by nightfall so we should begin packing after our bath."

He jumped in my hold, pivoting abruptly to face me.

"We're going back so soon?"

I nodded.

"Of course, we can't stay here forever. I've been gone long enough, Isaiah's bound to strangle me as it is from all the workload I've dumped on him."

"But the reason you came here..."

"Is done," I interrupted.

"The rebels are gone. I was here to solve the problem, problem solved."

"But..."

"Is there something keeping you here?"

My brows rose.

'I would think after everything that's happened he'd want nothing more than to leave this place behind and return home.'

His eyes widened and he peered back at the water.

"I just... I haven't really gotten to talk to Anna since what happened. I can't just leave after everything."

I let out an exasperated sigh.

"Would you prefer we stayed one more day?"

His head whipped up.

"Can we?" he asked timidly.

'How could I say no to you?'

"Of course."

He squealed, jumping up and down in my lap.

The pressure causing unwanted awakenings.

My growl was interrupting as he wrapped his small arms around my neck.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you."

I opened my mouth to answer only to be interrupted by a sudden kiss.

Though I didn't complain as I leaned into it, allowing his lips to move gently against mine.

Though as quickly as it had started it had ended as he pulled away, allowing a dissatisfied pout to form on my face as he jumped from my lap.

"I better use my time wisely then," he declared as he pulled from the water and reached for a towel.

I pulled from the water quickly, grabbing the towel before he could and wrapped it around his delicate form and lifting him into my arms.

"Alastair," he laughed as I carried him from the bathroom.

I had spent over a week thinking I had lost him.

Now that I finally had him safe in my arms, I was not going to allow his time to be dominated by some woman.

I placed him gently on the bed.

He sat, legs dangling from the bed as he watched me search through the dresser for his clothes.

Though I wouldn't admit it, I knew exactly where they were.

Placed neatly in front of mine.

Easily accessible for the nights where the pain became too much and only his scent could calm me.

I lifted a pair of light brown pants along with a thin, silk cream top.

It wasn't as if we were going anywhere so there was no need for formal attire and I knew how much River hated wearing it.

Having to wear layers of unnecessary clothes during a heated day as today.

But that's what was considered polite in this day and age, a dress code that had to be followed.

I handed him the articles of clothing as I pulled a pair for myself and began changing.

The room grew quiet.

"Alastair?" River's soft voice interrupted the silence.

"Yes?"

"You're not going to make me wear a jacket?" he asked timidly.

I laughed.

"No, love. There's no reason to dress formally today. We're not leaving the estate."

"Oh," he took a breath.

"Oh, thank Goddess."

I laughed at that as I finished getting dressed and sat beside him on the bed.

"Are you done, love?"

He nodded as he buttoned the last button on his shirt.

"Come."

I took his hand and led him outside the door.

I placed him by the dining table as I made my way to the kitchen.

Heads bowed as I entered the kitchen.

"What can I make for you, Your Majesty," a pudgy man in a flour-caked apron asked.

"My mate has just woken up. Would you be able to make him something sweet? A honey pastry, perhaps?" I added.

He nodded.

"Does he prefer his pastries crunchy or doughy?"

I thought for a second.

"Crunchy."

He seemed to like the pastries my cook made back at the palace and if I remembered correctly those were crunchy.

He went to work as I made my way back into the dining room and found River chatting away with Anna.

[fi-fi-squeaks]

I Will Live

By: Fiona_V

(As published on Ko-fi)

I laid face down on a damp dirt-caked floor. My nose wrinkled at the stench of mildew and moss and old wet soil. My ears flicked at the rhythmic pitter-patter of mild seasonal rain. While my body was wracked with pain.

I don’t think I could or ever would describe that pain. As it was a transcendent thing both more impressive and horrible than anything I had ever experienced til then. But my body remembers the stabs and tingles that raced through my flesh.

Small scratches ran along my arms and shoulders where gnarled branches tore at my robes. My knees burned and my legs felt like rubber stumps after fleeing away from my home for most of the night. And my stomach growled in protest and annoyance at the pangs that reminded me that I had skipped my afternoon meal, so I could focus on my experiments.

"Oh, I should have taken a break…" I bitterly said as a snake unwound itself from my shoulders. "...you're just as hungry as I am, aren't you, Savage?"

I blinked until my eyes adjusted to the cave’s darkness as Savage, my companion pet snake slithered from around my shoulders. Savage slid up my body, then slid ahead by a few feet. I heard it shift and twist and slit its tongue around as if judging the cave I had found us.

My eyes adjusted to the gloom of that musky cave just as Savage turned its head and looked into my eyes. Even now, I’m convinced Savage was asking me, “What now?” as it flicked its tongue toward my nose.

And I”ll be honest, I didn’t know what to say. In truth, I wanted to sleep and hope that the past six hours were but an ugly nasty dream. I wanted to pretend that I had not been excised from my old village home. I wanted to just close my eyes and hope that when I opened them up, I’d still be at my workshop mixing herbs and ichor into the most incredible of potions, elixirs, and reagents.

But I knew that if I slept…I’d never get up. And Savage must have felt the same. Because no sooner had my eyes come to flutter, did it come and bat its snout at a wet spot on my face.

“Savage…” I groaned as I stared at my companion. “What do you expect us to do? We’ve lost everything.”

Savage batted that spot again and again. Each time more desperate and insistent than the last. It reminded me of how the mothers in the old village held onto their children when they brought their sick pets or relatives to my office for treatment. It was sweet and heartwarming and, perhaps even invigorating.

But that only made my heart ache. Because knowing what I once meant to my home village made their betrayal feel all the worse. After all, how could I go from the one everyone sought for treatment and care to the one they chased away with pitchforks, torches, and swears? How could I go from Valdorian the Wise to Valdorian the Monster?

What changed to poison their opinions? This couldn’t have been overnight, could it?

My heart skipped a beat. My fingers found strength enough to curl tight into rigid fists. The hunger and aches that wracked my body were gone, replaced with something that was between fury and curiosity. And it led me to the only logical conclusion.

Someone set me up.

“Get up, Valdorian. Get up!”

I shook my head until Savage slithered away. I dug my feet into the sand and pushed myself up off the floor. 

I had to get up. I had to rise. I had to live.

Then I rose, inch by painful inch, breath by shallow breath. One foot first, then the other. Then a step or two or three.

It must have taken but a few minutes. But I remember it felt like hours. Just an unfathomable strain with only drizzling rain and Savage's flicking tongue keeping me company.

But at last, as I grabbed hold of a loose jutting stone, I found it in me to rise to my feet and slump against the wall.

I remember looking at Savage and speaking between panting breaths.

“Don’t worry, old friend. I will live. We’ll rebuild our lab here and one day we’ll discover who poisoned the town against us and set things right.”

Savage bobbed its head and slithered its way up my body. Then it resettled on my shoulder as I looked deeper down the long winding caves we discovered.

“But first,” I said, “We must find something to eat.”

[kaitopitoo]

It has been weeks since I almost last heard of Vio, or at least it feels like it’s been that long.

He’s been isolating himself more often than before, hiding away in his room and from what I can tell he doesn’t even bother to light up the place. I understand he would prefer to be in his own little bubble when it comes to his book reading routine, or overall planning for battle or training.

But not like this.

Me, Red and Blue barely hear anything about him or what he’s doing, even Princess Zelda is unaware of what’s been going on with him. She can’t even get a word out of him, aside from a dark mutter or quiet mumbling, followed by him storming past each of us. Barely eats anything each of us cook, and even what the maids prepare for him specifically.

This isn’t like him at all, it just isn’t, and I am horrified.

The rays of the sun set on my face as I walk, occasionally disappearing because of the window frames blocking them. The castle seems to be quite buzzing as knights and maids alike are moving up and down the hallway, giggling to themselves, and chanting back and forth. As I keep walking down the castle hallway, I begin to ponder on minor details of why Vio is behaving like this. Again, it’s unlike him to be so quiet even though we know by nature he is the silent one from the team.

However, I did notice that all of this began when… he disappeared.

And I mean Shadow Link.

It was obvious he and Vio had a thing for one another going on, it’s obvious to me now. I can’t speak for the others, but I have a feeling they know it too. Knew it, saw it, heard it. Every time Vio spoke of the man, his face would light up in glee, in such joy. For a blank slate he truly enjoyed the man’s company. Now I understand one part of the reason why he turned to the dark side that one time. I’m sure it was that, aside from his own personal little plan he should’ve discussed with us. But I think that was smart at the time, actually, not telling us to get genuine reactions out of us…

Suddenly, I look up and I’m nose to nose against a door. It took a bit to realize that this is Vio’s room. I would question why I’m here, when I have to admit I care for the guy. It worries me that he isn’t even talking to me; it worries, yet it scares me.

I gain the courage to knock on the door, but had to do it fiercely since the door is so heavy, I imagined it’s barely audible from the inside. Even then, I truly am not expecting to get a response at all. Not even a glance or a go away sign to leave. Just silence, as he’s being.

Life keeps moving behind me as I feel frozen in place, people still running up and down the hall, talking, gossiping, anything that’s considered lifelike. Here, I feel so cold, so still. But it’s all waiting, hoping for at least a response from Vio. I step back to allow my image to be seen through the peephole, still hoping-

“Hey.”

I didn’t even hear the door opening.

“Hey, uh…Vio. I–”

“What is it?”

A shiver runs down my spine at that snarky response. It’s so Vio, but in this state, it’s very much unsettling, “I just… Well, I want to see how my buddy is doing, and… I’d also would like to talk-”

“Please, no.”

I notice the door closing in and I immediately set my foot between the door frame, holding back my wince of pain, “Hey, wait a second! Vio, c’mon, I mean no harm.”

Silence falls upon us, and after such a long while of almost not seeing each other, I got the chance to see his…

Oh, Goddesses, his face.

It looks… horrible.

His usual neat and clean looks berated in a state I can’t properly describe. His hair is all messy and tangled up, some strands are matted to his face. His bright eyes now a dull color, most likely due to the lack of sleep. Considering that, his eyebags have gotten so much worse and make him look like a corpse almost. Even his body language has given up, slumped over at the door, and knees about to give out on him.

This… is an awful sight.

I really didn’t want to pry, but I’ve got to help him in some way. Find the solution to whatever is bothering him. However, if my theory is correct, that is, if it’s all about Shadow Link, then, it simply is something that can’t be helped.

“I’m not in the mood right now, Green. Go spar with Blue, or something…”

“I won’t be in the mood until I know what in the Goddesses name is going on with you.”

“It’s nothing of your concern…”

I furrow my brows, but I'm trying not to, “Well it sort of is, and I’d like to help you get out of it. Please.”

The heavy silence resumes, still weighing on my shoulders. I blink a few times while trying to both keep eye contact with Vio while also trying to look away from his destroyed image. The urge to help him clean himself up is there, the urge to comfort him in some way is also there. I just know he’ll push me away, like he’s been doing so for every one of us.

Vio’s the one that breaks eye contact however, as I hear a quiet sigh escape through his nose. He turns his heel and walks away from the door, definitely given up on resisting me. I hope he doesn’t think I've been harsh about it.

I truly care for him.

“Come in, then.” Vio emptily addresses, “Let me…”

The place dimly lights up as I see him fling the long curtains open, allowing natural light to seep through after the Goddesses knows how long since the last time that happened. A bit of dust comes off the curtains and Vio coughs quietly, swatting away close to his face. I watch him almost limp about from the window to the bed, eyeing me with his daggers for eyes. I could feel them even behind my back, distracted over the small makeover he did with the place.

Sure, he is fine organizing his room, but he should consider himself too.

I look back at him and notice he’s staring off in the distance, looking almost lost in thought and just in sheer emotional pain. I don’t bother to say anything as it feels comfortable enough to just be in silence, even if it feels heavy just as much as I assume it is to him as well. He proceeds to gently place a hand on his bed, patting it down indicating for me to take a seat. I oblige and do so, still keeping a space between us, so he doesn’t feel like I'm prying in his business too much.

More silence.

The few things that would interrupt it is the outside world being loud as ever, and the occasional heavy sighs coming out of Vio himself. From the corner of my eye, I see him breathing steadily, but he almost looks frozen, close to an inanimate object.

Lifeless.

I can tell he's exhausted, but he isn't helping himself to it.

I go on to address the situation about the dusty curtains, but instead I wanted to get straight to the point of the real matter, “You shouldn’t be locked in this room if you’re going to keep it dark. That’s unhealthy.”

“But I want to.”

“Vio, why are you doing this to yourself…?”

“To see him.”

Such a blunt response catches me so off guard I flinch, yet my conclusion was right. It is because of Shadow Link.

I went to speak but my judgment knew he wasn’t done yet.

“I admit having been quiet on a lot of things but… This is one of them. I imagined everyone would be against the idea of me being associated with him again but…”

Vio stands up and walks to the window, eyeing the outside world as if he’s contemplating what else to say. I almost got up as well to hold him, but he immediately turns to me, with a dead look on his face.

Goodness, that stings.

"I miss him. That's all I have to say."

And again, silence. We just stare at each other for what feels like ages, but these seconds feel heavier the more they go on, while I'm lost within his cloudy eyes.

He leans against the nightstand by the window, light acting like a halo around his image. Even if I'm staring into his eyes, I can tell he's gripping onto the edges; he looks like he's about to break down on the spot. Not implying that he can't be like this, but usually he's very stern and firm with his character. He would never let anyone see him like this; it's a miracle I'm in here in his quarters.

I stand up from the bed and make my way to him. I'm sure he's had no one to talk to about this so I hope I can get more out of him.

A loud thud interrupts the both of us. I immediately look behind Vio and I see what looks like a book stuck between the nightstand and the wall, I bend to pick it up and Vio’s frantic voice erupts my eardrums.

“Wait, don’t–”

Out of instinct, I pull away at Vio’s poor attempt at snatching away the book.

This… suddenly intrigues me.

“Green…”

I stay quiet, looking at him right in the eye with a serious look. I’ve never seen this horrific yet calm demeanor on Vio before, and it certainly raises red flags. I look down to the book and notice how musky it is, besides it being extremely heavy as well. I open it and hear the leather creaking as it folds, including some pages stuck to one another. This book has definitely seen better days for sure…

As I flip through the pages, and have the many words and connotations sink in, I realize that Vio is doing some serious business behind his door…

“Is this… a book for necromancers, Vio?”

No reply, just again a dead look.

“Vio…” I addressed him again, “Tell me.”

“If that’s what you think, so be it.”

“Vio, do you know how dangerous this can be?"

“I know how to use it, Green. If I didn’t, the castle would have been overrun by now.”

“Vio, I-” I sigh in defeat, I mean, sure. He may be able to use it but I’m not going to let it risk all of our lives, including the people and Princess Zelda herself.

I hold tightly onto the book, being wary of him snapping at me any time to get it off my grasp. I can’t let him keep this any longer; he’s just going to end up risking his life over something that just can’t be helped.

Ganon is gone, Vaati is just the same, and Shadow is too. There’s no safe way to bring him back without giving up something in the process.

I turn my heel and walk past Vio and stop close to the door. However, I can feel Vio’s eyes on me, prying silently.

“Green, please.” I see him turn my direction as well, but refusing to look desperate, “I just… need to see him at least one more time. I owe him an explanation.”

“An explanation for what?” I furrow my brows but intentionally this time, “He sacrificed himself for you, for us. It’s something that cannot be undone.”

“With trying my method, it can be.”

“Vio-”

“Give that back.”

Vio lunges at me with aggression but lacks speed unfortunately. I flinch back, dropping the book behind me and grabbing Vio by the arms. It gives me a chance to look a Vio directly in his eyes, and a closer yet detailed look at his face. He squirms under my grasp, showing teeth and growling in his throat. I’m trying my best to not hurt him as I hold him for dear life, but it’s hard to do so against his own strength.

Together, we step back towards the nightstand almost tripping on our feet, still fighting for both balance and preventing ourselves from becoming physical. I can hear him say things under his breath, but it’s all mumbling nonsense to my ears as I can’t make it up clearly. I did pick the detail of him almost whimpering under me. I immediately thought it might be me for gripping his wrists, so I let go a bit, yet still holding on to him.

“Let- Go of me, Green!” His voice begins to crumble, almost cracking, “Just… Leave me be! I can make this work!”

The demanding and desperate tone in his voice plus the squinting painful expression makes me wince in response. I wanted to help him, and I think I made it all worse, but who else was going to address this? Certainly not with the others as he clearly refused entry to them all, but me.

Vio continues to squirm, moving fiercely yet tiredly to get my grasp off him, but it doesn’t work. I stomp my feet on the floor to keep the both of us on flat ground, weary on not stomping on his foot again. I pull him in closer to see if I can put some sense into him. And it seems to have worked…

“Green just… Let me do this…”

“I’m sorry, Vio, but I just can’t let you continue! You’re hurting yourself the more this goes on!”

“I can make it work!” He yells, with an unhinged look on his face.

“Vio, snap out of it!” I begin to shake him, trying to lock his lost eyes with mine, “He’s gone!”

Suddenly, Vio stops squirming and stares distantly back in my eyes.

His pupils have gone pale, as well as his face.

His breathing hitches from the tantrum and what I think is… disbelief.

“...I- Green-”

I hit a nerve.

Tears begin to well up in his sockets, face turning red, and his strength subsiding.

I try my best not to crumble with him, but it’s truly a chore, “I’m sorry Vio, but he’s gone. There’s nothing that can be done about it.”

More tears come out the poor blue eyes. I can feel him shaking under my grasp which I haven’t let go of yet.

“Green…”

“...Yes?”

His mouth opens a bit, bottom lip shaking from the crying. Then, his eyes slowly close as the sudden weight of his body pulls me down.

“Shit- Vio!” My eyes widen and I immediately lunge to grab him, but he still ends up pulling me to my knees.

I use my thighs to cushion his fall, quickly moving my hand under his head for support. I use my other hand to pull him closer to my body and see how his eyes are still closed. I begin to shake him gently, brushing hair strands out of his face for a clear view.

He just fainted on me…

“Vio, Vio! You with me?”

I didn’t get any response, but I wasn’t expecting any, yet I need him to at least be able to hear me. I move my arm under his back, the other under his legs, and lift him off the ground with ease. His body limps as I take a few steps to the bed, being cautious about any sudden movements. As I sit him down on the bed, I notice his eyes flutter open occasionally while his mouth still twitches but no words come out. His forehead feels cold to the touch and is sweating profusely. I grab a piece of cloth from the restroom, and set it on Vio’s forehead, letting it soak up all the sweat as I go light up a candle.

The exhaustion has taken over him, finally making him crumble.

I close the curtain, so the natural light isn’t so harsh on him, and set the candle on the nightstand. The candle gives enough light for me to see a chair across the room, so I go ahead and grab it, placing it next to Vio’s bed and taking a seat. I wasn’t intending on leaving him like this after all. And now even less that this just happened.

Seems like conveniently the outside world has quieted down a bit, and it’s starting to get chilly. I grab the cloth and gently wipe his face clean off sweat and the remnants of tears, while occasionally fanning him with a piece of paper that was already on the nightstand giving him some air. I could tell his skin is dry and nearly unclean, and he seems to have lost some weight as well.

I can't believe it has come to this, though.

I never intended for him to grow full to the brim in anger and have this as an outcome. And I didn't even think a situation like this would have hurt him so much. His thinking process has tanked, and it's not helping him think straight.

Ever since that day, a part of Vio has been lost. And he is trying to find it, but I simply can't let him do that. From what I know, Shadow can't simply be brought back to life, can he? His source of life was destroyed a long time ago; there's no way that can be fixed or there's no alternative way to keep him wandering the land of the living just fine. Besides, the light hurt him back when he was alive, so he can't be living with us in general. Even so, if I let this continue, we might as well lose Vio in the process too.

I sigh at the idea, and at the image before me. It still upsets me how it has come to this.

I grab the cloth and rub his face clean one last time before washing it and repeat the process. I wasn't planning on leaving him until he's back in his senses. When I suddenly see the candle fire squirm on the spot, while my ears pick a gentle whisper of air.

I look to the side and shiver, swearing that the window is closed and there's no possible way for wind to go in. The fire still squirms too, looking like it's trying to keep itself lit. I sit back down on the chair, seeing how the shadow from Vio against the wall behind morphs into something strange. A sound similar to a knocking emit from said wall, so I keep my eyes on it.

My eyes grow bigger when the shadow takes shape into something I'm familiar with…

"...Shadow Link?"

-

AO3 version: https://archiveofourown.org/works/40077648

[padme-parker]

Mizpah // the darkling x f!reader // ch 6

summary: given some time alone to think, the pieces begin to fall into place. you go to confront the darkling be he avoids you at any given cost, until one night you go into the one room you were never granted permission to enter.

warnings: cursing, talks about violence/torture and death, alcoholism

A/N: the truth finally comes out. This is all over the place bc I was trying to rush getting it out. 5.9k+ words and 12 pages later, here we are. not proofread, will comeback later to edit.

ANA KUYA’S voice echoed in the back of your mind as you laid on your cot, calling out for Mal and Alina as they ran away from her. It was the day Grisha came to the orphanage to find out if one of their own had been whisked away into a place like this. You examined the walls, cracks running up and down them. The windows barely opened, and when they did, they let out horrible screeches. Water leaked from the bathrooms, the annoying drip a constant on your mind.

Maybe you should’ve gotten up from your bed and got tested by a Grisha. Maybe then you wouldn’t have had to stay in such a run down orphanage. The Duke was rarely here, so no one really cared about his orphanage no matter how infamous he was. But being Grisha meant leaving Mal and Alina behind, something you couldn’t do because they had become your only family. Besides, Grisha don’t get sick, therefore you weren’t a Grisha.

You could never be a Grisha.

-

AS you phased into consciousness, you could hear someone muttering something in the background. Your hands were so cold, you reached out for something- anything that could give you warmth. You tried to blink away the blurriness of your eyes, nothing seemed to work. The person rushed to your side, clutching both of your hands in one as the other stroked your cheek.

“Go back to sleep.” He said, brushing your hair back. Closing your eyes, he assumed you had fallen asleep already. He resumed his mumbling, the words slowly becoming coherent as fell back asleep.

“It’s...too...soon..”

-

THE painful pounding of your heart had subsided as the Grisha left. Mal walked into the room followed by Alina, who was sporting a new wound on her palm that Ana Kuya had scolded her for.

“Come on, get up!” Mal urged, knowing from the look on your face that the pain had already left you.

“Where are we going?” You said eagerly, scooting to the front edge of your bed to lace up your boots.

“To the meadow.” That was all you needed to hear before running out the bedroom door. Mal and Alina’s footsteps padding behind. The three of you started a mildly competitive game of tag, the other two making sure you didn’t exert yourself.

In that moment, you were who you were supposed to be. Three children lying on the field, making stupid promises to each other.

“We can’t hide forever, but we can run.”

-

THIS time when you find yourself in a field, there’s a man laying next to you. It was the same man from your dream, shoulder length hair and clean shaven face.

“Aleksander?” He lets out a hm, awaiting your question. “Where am I?”

“What do you mean, my darling?” Aleksander- General Kirigan- or whoever the hell he was turned to look at you, laying one of his arms upon your stomach. His hand keeping a firm grip on your waist. From your peripheral view you could see him studying you.

He started with your eyes, taking in their color and your long lashes. He moved from the curve of your nose until he got to your soft, plump lips. You stared at the sky, afraid of what you would see, who you would recognize if you turned to face him.

“We’re at our meadow.”

-

WHEN you finally regain consciousness, you find yourself alone in a nearly dark room. Only one lantern had been lit up. It was just before dawn, you could see the sun beginning to peek out. Someone had changed you into a nightgown, you didn’t know who it was. Perhaps it was Alina or maybe the Darkling, maybe neither. Either way, you were thankful they decided to change you out of the robe you had fainted in.

With great struggle, you propped yourself up, your elbows taking the brunt of your weight. You crawled to the foot of your bed to put on your night slippers. The rug under your bed only went so far before it hit the cold floor. You slowly made your way to the desk, sitting yourself in front of the mirror.

The magic Genya had performed on you days ago had worn out by now. How long were you out for? The dark circles under your eyes had returned, seemingly worse. Your skin, although already dull, became more dull and pale. Whatever shine you originally had was gone. Your eyes look sunken in. While your hair was frail and also lost the shine that Genya gave it.

“Saints..” You whispered to yourself as you raked a hand through your hair. You were basically a dead person walking. You considered fetching a servant to bring you Genya, but decided against it. Throwing on a robe, you silently made your way to the war room, hoping to find the Darkling there. When you entered it remained empty, along with the bed he usually slept in. You walked the halls looking for one of his oprichniki, yet they weren’t around either.

There was no use in barging into his bedroom when it seemed like he was gone. Plus you didn’t want to invade his privacy knowing that he could have you killed for going into his room without permission if someone had seen you. You spotted one of the palace guards, walking up to him as you placed your hands into the pockets of your robe.

“Excuse me, do you happen to know where the General is?” You asked, staring into the guards eyes.

“He left a week ago, accompanied by his personal guards.” Was all he said, not disclosing why he had left. A week? Had you really been unconscious for a week? This usually never happened to you, not like this.

“Do you know when he’ll be back?”

“In a couple of days.” He said, not giving you an exact day. You quickly thanked him before making your way back to your room to change for the day. The dull ache of your heart was finally leaving, allowing for you to feel more like yourself. You were able to spot the sun in the sky as you finished changing. You thought about basking in its light when your stomach growled loudly.

I suppose I should eat, you thought. It’d been nearly a week since you were able to feed yourself, your last meal being breakfast. You could remember someone feeding you periodically throughout the week, now knowing the Darkling had left, it was most likely Alina. You rang for a servant, asking to be brought breakfast when she arrived. Surveying the room, you decided that the Darkling wouldn’t mind if you did a little retouching.

You moved the table towards the window, wanting to eat in the sunlight without having the harsh winter winds freeze you. Opening the curtain allowed for more sunlight to stream through, a grunt of triumph leaving your lips as you looked at your new setup.

The squeaky wheel of the servant’s cart alerted you of her presence, rushing to open the door before she could knock. You took the tray from her hands, closing the door with your foot as you skipped towards the table, eager to get some food in your system.

The food they had given you was practically the same, sweet pea porridge, a tall glass of water, and a bowl of grapes. It wasn’t your favorite, but you ate it anyway. Savouring the familiar crunch and sweetness of the grapes. Sitting in the sun had left you feeling giddy and warm, excited for summer when you would be able to go out whenever you could and feel the sun on your skin.

It was the same warmth you felt whenever the Darkling touched you, even when you saw him in your dreams, there had always been a lingering sense of familiarness-- and affection. You saw the look in his eyes just seconds before you passed out, the shock as you said his name, the concern visible in his eyebrows. Him whispering, stay with me, please. It was all foreign to you. In fact, his behaviour was strange to you.

You’ve always heard of the Darkling being cold, menacing, someone you had to fear. There were stories of him ruthlessly slaughtering the Drüskelle, using the Cut to separate multiple heads from bodies in a matter of seconds. Yet he welcomed you into his home without a second thought. He fed you, gave you clothing and a place to sleep, even gave you a tour of the Little Palace himself. You were sure he had never given someone the treatment that he had given you, so what made you so different? What made you so special to him?

You didn’t miss the look he gave you when you first entered the war room, recognition and longing bright in his eyes. He tried to hide the emotion, but you were able to catch it before he returned to his dark and empty gaze. It would explain the memories, but only fueled your confusion and curiosity more. Had you shared a past life with him? If so, why were you back? How were you back? Getting lost in your thoughts, you didn’t hear the person knocking until they opened the door and announced themselves.

The familiar red hue of his kefta brought you comfort. You were too trusting lately, you’d only met Fedyor a week ago. Just the sight of his kefta had calmed something down in you. This palace was changing you, bringing out something from within you that never existed. Being this trusting on the fields would get you killed.

“Good morning, Fedyor. What brings you here?” You greeted him. This time you already had your boots laced up, the tray in your hands ready to be disposed of on the table by the door. “Going to escort me to combat training?”

“Actually, the General forbade you from stepping foot on training grounds again.” You let out a loud gasp as you whipped towards him. Thinking there was something wrong, Fedyor stepped forward, reaching his arms out to steady you just in case anything happened. In your anger, you slapped his hands away.

“Oh just you wait until he gets back,” You seethed, “Who does he think he is? Taking away my combat training privileges?”

“He’s the General, he can do that.” Fedyor responded, a small smile on his face.

“So what am I supposed to do then?”

“Well, you could still go to the library.” No, you didn’t want to risk running into the Apparat again. “Watch the Grisha train.” He offered a meek smile. “Walk the grounds.” Perhaps you could go on a horse ride later, but right now there was one thing on your mind.

“Is Alina training right now?” The heartrender gave you a nod, “I guess we’ll be going to her room then. She has something I want to borrow.” With the flick of your hand, the two of you were on your way.

“I’m going to ask you a question, and if you don’t want to answer then that’s okay.” Fedyor squints his eyes at you, before motioning to continue. “Has the Darkling ever taken up any lovers?” The question makes Fedyor stop in his tracks, a baffled look on his features.

“Well..I..” He struggled with his words, not knowing if he wanted to tell you. What would the General do to him if he told you? It was common knowledge that General Kirigan had been alive for a couple centuries now, he thought everyone knew of his endeavours. “The General has been around for many years, so naturally he has...had sex before.” The mention of it made Fedyor blush. “But he’s never settled down with someone. The closest I ever saw was with Alina.” This didn’t surprise you, Alina herself had told you about what had almost happened between the two.

“In the tent, when he tested her to see if she was Grisha, I saw something in his eyes. It was admiration, but there was also a defeated look in his eyes. As if he had given up on something because he found Alina. Reasonably, it could’ve been relief, since we had finally found the sun summoner.” Fedyor pauses, thinking wisely about the next words he spoke. “Alina and the General were growing close. Everyone saw the look they gave each other the night of the fete. But any public traces of their affection for each other had disappeared that night. The two are only seen interacting when he visits her for a gradual check-in.”

“And he’s never spoken of any other lovers?”

“Not consciously, no. On the very rare chance where we ride in the same carriage, sometimes when he falls asleep he’ll whisper about a woman. Moya dorogaya, he’d call her. That’s all I know.”

Moya dorogaya, my darling. It was the same name the Darkling had called you in your dream.

“May I ask you a question?” He inquired, you nodded your head, allowing him to proceed. “Where did you learn to fight like that?”

A smile so bright that could light up the room came to your face, “My friends down near the south Ravka border. A pair of siblings that taught me to fight before they defected from the First Army.” You confessed. “One of them also introduced me to my love of epic poetry.”

When Alina’s door came to view, you didn’t bother knocking as she had already left. After fetching what you needed, you quickly exited her room.

“I haven’t seen them since they left.” You rubbed the birthmark at your throat. Besides Mal and Alina, the siblings were also the closest thing you had to family. They considered you as their sister, even begging that you left with them. But you told them your place was here in Ravka, with Mal and Alina.

“I’m sure you’ll see them soon. Once Alina and the General get rid of the fold, we will have access to our docks again.” He said, trying to comfort you.

“I hope so.” The rest of the walk was filled with comfortable silence as you fiddled with the edges of the red book. As you neared your door, Fedyor stopped, telling you he would be just outside if you needed anything. Without wasting another second, you ran to the chair in front of the window.

The Istorii Sankt’ya glistened in the sunlight. Something about it had been calling out to you, urging you to read it and find out more. You flipped through all of the pages of the saints until you found the one that had been calling out to you.

Sankt Ilya in chains. Ilya Morozova. Morozova’s herd.

“One day. When the war is over and the shadow fold is gone, you will bear my name. You will become Mrs. Morozova. I swear it.”

The voice of the Darkling rang clear in your head. The memory made your heart come to a stop as you struggled to find a possible explanation for his words. The only conclusion you could inevitably come to was that you were the sole lover that Fedyor had been talking about.

As the sun began to set, you looked at the drawing once more. The stag, sea whip, and firebird all depicted. You called out for Fedyor, asking him to come into your room.

“Can you bring me dinner for two?” You politely asked.

“Sure, were you planning on eating it yourself or shall I fetch someone while I’m at it?”

“No. You and I are going to have a nice, long talk while we eat dinner.” His face paled as the words left your mouth.

“Oh...okay.” Was all he said before he scurried off to get the food. You tucked the Istorii Sankt’ya under a pile of paper in your desk to hide it. While you waited for Fedyor to return, you lit up some candles and lanterns now that the sun was going down. It was no fun eating in the dark.

Well, sometimes it was. You thought back to the orphanage. Night where you, Alina and Mal would sneak out of bed to have a piece of bread. The bread was never enough, but the excitement had always spurred the three of you on enough to make it a nightly routine until Ana Kuya eventually caught on.

When Fedyor returned, he rolled the cart over to where you had been seated. He placed a golden tray in front of you and another for himself right across from you. He also brought a big pitcher of Kvas for you to share.

Lifting the cover from your plate, you found yourself staring at some sort of meat pie with a side of root vegetable soup. Fedyor had the same meal but had pickled herrings instead of soup.

“Ugh, I don’t know how you eat that stuff.” You said with disgust. “I’m glad you guys don’t force me to eat that.” Although it was common peasant food, it never appealed to you. It was something you’d always hated.

“The kitchen staff have a strict list of foods you like and dislike.” That made your head snap up to meet his, who made the list? You had a scheming suspicion that it wasn’t Alina, leaving you with one suspect.

“Tell me, Fedyor, do you know what the General plans on using Morozova’s Stag for?” You inquired, feigning curiosity. You saw his hesitation, clearly uncertain if he could trust you. “I was, after all, one of the last trackers to spot it.” You reminded

“The stag is rumored to be an amplifier created by Morozova himself. Whoever wears it would hold the greatest power known to mankind. One that could rival the General’s.” He said, taking a bite of his meal before continuing, “He plans on giving it to Alina in order to get rid of the shadow fold. She’s strong, but not strong enough to get rid of it on her own.”

“What about you, do you believe they will be able to banish the fold together?” There had been a swirl of doubt pooling in you. The shadow fold was the one thing that had kept Grisha safe from the rest of the world. With the permafrost in the North and the mountains in the South, Ravka had practically been perfectly disconnected. Yet the Drüskelle and Shu still managed to slaughter Ravkans and Grisha alike.

“Yes, I do. It’s something very important to the General. That the sun summoner reversed what his ancestor, the Black Heretic, had created.” He explained.

“Right, we’ll then what happens after? It’s been so long since West Ravka has been able to connect to East Ravka. Who’s to say that they don’t want to create a monarchy of their own?” Fedyor paused at your words, he hadn’t thought much about what the West Ravkans wanted. He only knew how much his people longed to be free of the shadow fold.

“One step at a time.” He ensured, not sure if he believed the words he just said. He didn’t know what would happen if West Ravka decided to break off and become their own sovereign state. Whatever trade and weapons they had obtained came through the trading ports of the docks in West Ravka. Without it they’d have nothing. They would be nothing.

You finished the rest of your meal, occasionally talking about your time being stationed in the South while he talked about his Grisha adventures. When it came to an end, you helped him clean up and wished him a good night as he rolled the cart away. The pitcher of Kvas laid untouched, your fingers twitched at the thought of having a drink. You stared at it as Fedyor rolled it away, your throat begging for something to drink. Instead of giving into your urges, you chug whatever leftover water you had laying around.

As you got ready for bed, you couldn’t help the strong feeling of loneliness overcome you. You tried to push those feelings away when you jumped into bed, not wanting to have a miserable dream.

-

WHEN you wake, you find yourself in the deadly permafrost of the Fjerda-Ravka border in nothing more than your lace nightgown. The snow under your feet melted as you walked around, searching for another sign of human life. You didn’t feel the familiar nip of the cold at your fingertips or toes. It was that same warmth you felt with the Darkling.

You caught sight of your own breath as you whipped your head around, the snow catching in your hair. As you stumbled into a tree, you felt the recognizable carving, stating that you were now in Fjerdan territory. Your feet had walked on their own accord, not knowing where you were going until you stumbled into a clearing. The same clearing where Dubrov and Mikhael had died, slaughtered brutally by the Fjerdans. The clearing where you had killed two of their own without a second thought.

The clearing where you had finally found the stag.

The very same stag that had now stood in front of you.

You inched closer to it with careful and calculated steps. It didn’t back away as you approached. It showed no signs of aggression as you laid one of your hands upon its antlers, your other going to stoke its fur.

It was giving you that same look it gave you when you first encountered it with Mal.

Mercy. Respect. Most of all, understanding.

-

IT had been two days since you dreamt of the stag. You hadn’t dreamt of it since then, in fact, you hadn’t been dreaming of much since you saw the stag in your dreams. You thought about bringing it up to Alina during breakfast, but decided against it, the conversation somehow drifting towards the General.

“I was giving him a report of my progress last night-”

“Last night?” You interrupted, “As in a couple of hours ago?” She nods, confused by your behavior. “When did he get back?”

“The night you woke up.” She replied, as if you had been informed already. No one told you he had returned, you hadn’t even seen him once. Fedyor didn’t even tell you of his return during dinner. With a huff, you got out your chair, moving towards the door before asking Alina one last question.

“When did you mention me to the General?” She gives you another confused look, not knowing what you were talking about. That was the only answer you needed as you made your way to the war room.

He knew you. Even before he discovered Alina and took her to the Little Palace, he knew you first. Your thoughts ran around rampant and unprovoked, trying to come up with a viable explanation as you stomped towards his hall. Before you could even reach the doors of the war room, you were stopped by his oprichniki.

“The General wishes to be alone right now.” She said, hold up a hand to stop you.

“Tell him that I want to speak with him.” You replied, she looked you up and down. You wore no kefta or guards uniform. You were merely just a First Army soldier in her eyes.

“I doubt he would want to talk to someone like you.” Great, you were dealing with a Grisha Oprichniki with a horrible superiority complex. With a scoff, you turned away and walked to your room. Holding back every urge in your body to punch her.

-

WHEN night came, you found yourself struggling to get some sleep. After your encounter with that rude oprichniki, you tried your best to at least get a glimpse of the Darkling. You tried walking in the gardens in hopes to see him, no luck. You walked past the singular window of the war room, only to find the view obscured by the curtains. You paced the halls as subtly as you could, waiting for him to exit the war room. But he didn’t leave. Not once, so you just gave up and decided to try again the next day.

The black silk of your slip on did little to soothe the irritation you felt. In fact, it seemed to irritate you more as it slipped around even at your smallest movements. With a sigh, you got up from the bed and walked towards the dresser with the intention of changing into something that would provide better comfort.

You ran your hands through all the different laces and fabrics of the nightgowns until it landed on the gold kefta. Well, it wouldn’t hurt to try. You took it off it’s hanger, before walking towards the mirror. You examined it closely. The fabric itself had shimmers of gold, the black thread similar to any other kefta. As you surveyed the back of it, you noticed the handiwork of a fabrikator. Someone had tried to mend the rips of the kefta, but they were still visible up close.

The kefta had fit like a glove when you put it on. It gave you a sense of belonging. That maybe as an orphan you had finally found a home. You ogled at yourself in the mirror, the golden fabric had practically made you glow. You placed your hands into the pockets, surprised to feel something in one of them.

Grasping the object, you pulled it out. It was a letter. Covered in blood, dirtied and ripped at the corners, but still a letter nonetheless. You contemplated reading it, making the motion to put it back into the pocket before a thought crossed your mind. It wasn’t like anyone was going to find out.

You opened the letter and began to read it:

Dear Aleksander,

My darling, I don’t know why the universe has continued to bring us together. But I am thankful that they’ve given us a chance to be together once more. I have loved you for all of my lifetimes, and nothing could change that.

At least, that’s what I thought. But you’re no longer the Aleksander I once knew. Something dark has taken over you, your lust for power consuming you. I don’t know who you are anymore.

That’s why I’m doing what’s necessary, you’ve been in power for too long. It’s time for you to stop. It’s time for Ravka to be whole once more.

I’m sorry. I hope with whatever love you have left in your heart for me, that you could forgive me.

Eternally yours,

Y/N

You froze as you saw your name signed at the bottom of the letter. Lifetimes? As in more than one? This could wait no longer. Shoving the letter into your pocket, you threw open your door. The halls were empty, his oprichniki were either on a break or a shift change. Either way, you didn’t care.

You barged into the war room, expecting him to be hunched over a pile of maps, but he wasn’t. The next place you looked was his sleeping quarters that had connected to the war room. This bed was empty too, the sheets still cold. You knew of one last place he could be, and didn’t care about the risks.

You walked towards his door, each step filled with the burning curiosity you felt. Placing your hand on the doorknob, you didn’t expect it to turn. You would’ve assumed he kept the door to this bedroom always locked. But then again you were the only person who would dare enter his room without permission. After entering his room, you shut the door. Not wanting to raise suspicion to anyone who might’ve walked the halls perchance.

You paid no mind to the layout and decorations of his room as you fervently searched for him, only to come up empty handed again. Where could he possibly be? Perhaps he went for a midnight stroll. Or possibly he left the Little Palace again. But before deciding on going back to your room, you were adamant on searching the entire ground for him.

As you made your way back towards the door, your eyes briefly flashed to the portrait above it. You were frozen in your tracks as you did a double take. There in the painting was you, depicted in the gold kefta you had put on mere minutes ago. Behind you was the General, who had one hand clasped around your waist, the other resting on your shoulder. The two of you smiling brightly, it had practically been one of the only other times you’d seen him smile.

The letter in your pocket felt like it weighed a ton, your mouth going dry. In your panicked state of mind, you didn’t notice the shadows jumping up and down the walls.

“My darling.” You never heard him creeping up on you until he started talking into your ear, his whisper making you involuntarily shiver. You could practically feel the heat radiating off of him.

Turning around, you didn’t expect to find his hair dripping wet, with nothing but a towel wrapped around his hips. A blush formed on your cheeks as you tried to look at anything but him.

“Don’t call me that.” You spat out, he reached one of his hands out to touch the kefta you had put on. His touch lingered from the black stitching to the collar of the Grisha jacket, his fingers ghosting over your neck. “I’m going to ask you one more time, have we met before?”

The General saw no use in keeping the secret from you any longer; you had worn the kefta he’d made for you centuries ago, most likely read the letter in its pocket, and now you had just seen the portrait he’d hung up of the two of you. It was evidently clear that you knew something was going on.

“What do you remember?” He deflected, not answering your question.

Flashes came to your mind, ones you had dreamt, others were new.

“I remember...my death. The night those soldiers shoved a knife in me.” You confessed. You also saw other things. Horseback riding in the woods. Long nights in bed spent talking about the future. Him training you, teaching you how to wield a sword. The birthmark at your ribcage, the one on your neck, and the long ones on your back. They had all been scars. Marking all the deaths from your previous lives.

Three scars, three separate lifetimes with him. You reached up to touch the scar on your neck, “They..I-”

“This one, the Fjerdans gave you this one. We were hunting for the stag when we had gotten ambushed. They killed you for the sole purpose to see me in pain. I begged them to take me too, but they found too much joy in my grief. The Drüskelle held me on the ground, my hands spread apart, as I watched you bleed out.” You can see the tears form in his eyes as he recalls the events of that night. He walks around you, tracing the rips of the kefta. The rips had consequently been placed exactly where the scars on your back were. You could tell by the familiar pattern he traced, a once soothing action that now caused you great anguish. “The Fjerdans also gave you these ones. They tortured you for days on end. When I finally found you, it was too late. There was no healer that had the power to help you. All I could do was hold you as a heartrender calmed you, minimizing your pain.”

“I can’t remember that, why can’t I remember that?” You panicked, to which the Darkling turned you to face him, his hands cupping your cheeks as his thumbs rubbed your face in a reassuring manner.

“It’s not often that you fully remember what happens to you. It’s your brain's way of protecting you so you don’t get overwhelmed.” Well you certainly felt overwhelmed now. It was all too much to take in at once.

“The shadow fold..” You hesitated, removing yourself from his grasp. “Was that because of me?”

“Yes,” he confessed, “I created it after you first died. A way to protect all Grisha. I didn’t mean for it to get so out of hand. But it was one less threat we had to worry about.”

“I don’t understand. Why me? Why is it always me? Why do I always come back to you?”

“There’s a reason why the universe has continued to bring us back together, my darling. My other half. My life.” He walks up to you, grasping your face in his hands. His touch was different this time, it was cold yet welcoming. It felt familiar. The shadows engulfed the room as you felt a power rush over you. His eyes darted towards your lips, hesitating before leaning in. You close your eyes as you feel that familiar warmth consume you. His kiss is soft, gentle, yet you could tell he was holding back from ravaging you.

He pulls away, resting his forehead on yours. You kept your eyes closed, lost in the memories.

“Open your eyes.” He whispered. When you had closed them, the whole room had been taken by his shadows, leaving the two of you in darkness. But as he stood in front of you, his hands on your cheeks, the whole room had been illuminated. “My sun summoner, I have loved you all of my life. For all of your lifetimes.”

“Maybe one too many.” What else was there to say? You always knew, somewhere deep down inside of you, that there was something special different about you. You didn’t know it until now, until you were reunited with your other half. “But I thought Grisha couldn’t get sick.”

The smile falls from his face, “I believe..that this could possibly be our last lifetime together.” He disclosed. “Neither heartrender nor healer could explain what was happening to you. I think it might be the consequence of avoiding eternal death for so long.” He joked, his eyes meeting yours.

“I thought your last life had been our final one together. I waited hundreds of years for your return. When I had caught wind of a sun summoner being found, I thought it was you. When it wasn’t I felt as if my heart had shattered all over again. That you would never return to me again.” The Darkling squinted as the light around you grew brighter. His touch was making you unstable.

“But Alina-”

“Can’t know. No one can. I can’t risk your life again. Not anymore.” He replied, “Especially when this could be our last time together.”

You struggled to find a name to call him, the General felt too formal, and to you it seemed too early to call him by his given name.

“Aleksander, my darling. Call me by my name.” He said, withdrawing his hand from you and letting the shadows shrink back to the ground.

All your life, you had subconsciously fought the Grisha within you. You had always been Grisha. Using the powers you had been born with had given you back your strength, albeit not all of it. You enjoyed- reveled the rush it gave you.

“Aleksander,” His name left your lips in a hushed whisper, “..what if I want the stag for myself?”

-

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S.a.B. forever tags: @deceivedeer​

[happylittledrabbles]

Like a Virgin

Fandom: Attack on Titan

Pairing: Levi Ackerman x Erwin Smith

Rating: 18+ (DNI IF A MINOR)

Genre: Smut

Word Count: 9K

AO3

—

Levi is very sexually frustrated from all of Erwin's wandering touches and wants to know for sure whether Erwin is into him or not. He questions the commander on if he has a woman he wants to have sex with, and Erwin doesn't reply. That's the moment Levi finds out Erwin is a virgin. He proposes to "help" Erwin learn how to have sex before he goes on to have sex with the woman of his dreams.

Shenanigans ensue.

—

“Wine or champagne?”

Levi eyed the two bottles in front of him, his eyes then sliding to the blond man behind the desk, his uniform a size too small for him. But he knew that Erwin liked it like that since it showed off his body. He’d never admit to it, though.

“Wine,” Levi said ultimately, motioning to the opaque bottle. Erwin obliged with a nod of the head and leaned forward, the leather chair groaning underneath his shifting weight. He took the glass and let a bit of wine dribble into it, handing it to the black-haired man to taste.

“Didn’t know you were a sommelier,” Levi remarked with a scoff, swirling the wine in the cup and giving it a sniff before tipping it to his lips. He smacked them together, the oaky wine reminiscent of the nights when he and Erwin would get too drunk after a successful mission—their arms around each other, their hands roaming to places that only lovers should touch…

“Are you drunk already, Levi? Your face is flushed,” Erwin asked, breaking Levi out of his daydreams. He reached across the desk, brushing his fingers across Levi’s cheek (as if that would make the problem better) (it absolutely didn’t). “You only had one sip. Are you sick?”

“Get your hands off me, old man,” Levi grumbled, swatting Erwin’s hand away even though he desperately wanted to grab it and lead it to the places where his mind went a few moments ago. His blush had worsened tenfold, causing Erwin to laugh and raise a caterpillar brow in pleased confusion. He took Levi’s cup and filled it up the rest of the way before handing it back.

“I’m not that old,” he retorted, standing up from his office chair to lean on the edge of the desk with the cup of wine he poured himself in hand. He kicked the tip of Levi’s boot playfully before taking a sip of the wine, wincing away from the cup. “Wow, this is pretty strong.”

He was far too close for comfort to Levi—he could practically smell that warm, masculine cologne he peppered on himself every day. It seemed as if every sight, every smell, every taste, every touch...everything was reminding him of the fact that he was horribly frustrated. Sexually frustrated, that is. Erwin was too much of a dunce to ever figure out that Levi wanted to take him apart and put him back together in a fit of pleasure. He’d never figure out that those lingering touches when they had dinner together weren’t a mistake, but a silent plea to never let go. No, Erwin’s nickname was—lovingly—meathead in Levi’s mind. It was getting to the point that all of Erwin’s playful touches and sexual remarks seemed mocking, as if Erwin was saying, “Yeah, you’ll never have me. But every woman on the Scout Regiment wants to fuck me. And I’ll fuck them, too.”

That gave Levi an idea.

“Speaking of old,” Levi continued, taking another sip of wine. If he was to have this conversation, he’d much rather carry on drunk so that he could blame it on the alcohol if—when—it went south. “It’s about time you get a wife. Any women on the Scout Regiment looking like a nice piece of ass?”

“Levi, how crude,” Erwin admonished, his eyes widening in surprise. “You shouldn’t refer to women that way.” Levi would have missed the slight blush rising in Erwin’s cheeks if he hadn’t already been staring straight into his soul for any hint of a reaction at the mention of women.

“Ah, sorry,” Levi apologized, thankful that Erwin wasn’t the type to reply to that gross comment with an equally grosser response. “Well, anyway, we’ve been in close quarters with them for a while. Any lucky ladies get a little closer?”

Erwin uncrossed and crossed one leg over the other as if he couldn’t decide where to put his legs, taking a heavy swig of the wine. It seemed as if Erwin had the same idea as his friend: get as drunk as possible to answer this line of questioning. “I…I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Erwin, don’t play dumb with me,” Levi said, leaning his elbows forward on his knees and sipping his wine until there was less than half left. “You can tell me. I’m your best friend. At least I hope.”

An unreadable look crossed Erwin’s face—what Levi wouldn’t give to crawl inside his mind right now. The blond ran a heavy hand down his face, letting out a groan that made Levi sit back up as straight as a pole. His hands drifted into his lap in case the little friend in his pants made an appearance, as it so often did when he was alone with Erwin, getting drunk like this.

“You…you are my best friend. Although that sounds a little juvenile.” Erwin chuckled softly before rolling his eyes. “Why are you so interested in my private life? For the record, it’s highly unethical for me to sleep with members of the Regiment.”

Levi tossed his head back in laughter. “We’re all adults. Shit happens.”

Erwin balked before shying away behind his desk, turning his back to Levi. His back was tense—the muscles surrounding his scapula rose through his uniform as he crossed his arms firmly. “You shouldn’t refer to making love that way.”

Levi stood up, tracing the edge of the desk with his fingers. Erwin was pissing him off. Why was he so defensive of his answers? Usually, men would jump to brag about their experiences at the mere insinuation of having sex with women. Meanwhile, he acted as if he’d never had sex before and was avoiding the question as much as possible. Levi just wanted to know if those lingering stares or tender touches meant something more, and he needed Erwin to tell him that he was taken so that he could be turned down without making a fool out of himself.

“’Making love’? You’re a big ol’ softie, aren’t you?” Levi sat on the desk as he watched the muscles of Erwin’s back tell the story his face was hiding. He polished off the last of the wine in his cup and set it gently down on the table. He kept his eyes on Erwin’s back, biting his lip and hesitating before finally saying, “It’s like you’ve never had sex at all.”

It was supposed to be a joke, one that would make Erwin splutter about to defend himself and spill all his sexual experiences. Levi was illiterate at reading Erwin’s facial expressions but had an advanced degree in literacy in reading his body language. He thought it’d be laughable to anybody to insinuate Erwin had never had sex. After all, anybody who met the man had hearts glowing in their eyes. But his shoulders hiking up to his ears, both of which promptly turned pink, and his arms quickly wrapping around himself were an obvious confirmation of Levi’s suspicions.

Levi was far too surprised to say anything or even move. His jaw went slack as Erwin shifted his body weight from one foot to another uncomfortably. The tension in the room was palpable, dripping from the ceiling and coating each man in a layer of unease. Erwin was a man of honesty. He’d never outright lie unless it’d reduce panic among the population or his cadets. He’d never lie to somebody of his rank, least of all Levi. So, the most he could do was stay quiet in the face of the accusation. If he stayed silent, he wouldn’t be lying, but he wouldn’t have to talk about it.

Except, Levi wouldn’t take silence as a complete answer.

“Erwin,” he pressed, the chair groaning as he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. He laced his fingers together as a hammock for his chin, cocking his head at Erwin’s statuesque figure. “Are you serious? You’ve never had sex?”

Erwin flinched at the claim, and he turned to the side, the lamplight creating a halo around his profile. His aquiline nose and thin lips were put on prominent display, and it took everything Levi had to not grab his face and turn it to face him. He needed to see what Erwin was thinking. He needed to parse out what the wrinkles in his face meant, what each flick of the eye signified. This discovery was the last thing he expected. He expected the secret to the Titans be discovered before Erwin’s more-than-intact virginity.

Erwin’s eyes were set on the floor. “I…it just never happened—"

“You’re approaching middle age, Erwin! What the hell do you mean?” Levi finally moved toward Erwin, grabbing his bicep and whirling the blond to face him. “You’ve never had one girlfriend? One woman you've liked?” He paused. “Have you even had your first kiss?”

“Of course I have!” Erwin was finally animated, and he tossed Levi’s grip off him and stepped back. “My Lord, Levi, you think so lowly of me.”

“Erwin, you are a fully grown, extremely attractive man who hasn’t had sex yet. People have flung themselves at you for years.” Levi tried to find another explanation for his shock, but all that came out was stutters and word vomit. He truly was at a loss for words.

Erwin pursed his lips before catching his bottom lip between his teeth. “I just haven’t met the right person yet,” he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Well, I-I have, I simply…don’t know how they feel about me.”

Levi tried to catch Erwin’s eye, but the blond was resolute on keeping his gaze on a particular swirl in the hardwood.

“You’re kidding,” Levi scoffed, running a frustrated hand through his hair. “You’ve been waiting all this time because you’re scared to admit your feelings? We’re on the brink of death every day, Erwin. We’re going on a mission tomorrow. Sure, it’s a run-of-the-mill mission, but you never know what could happen. One moment you’re there, the next, you’re being crunched on by a Titan like potato chips. I think you’ll survive a little confession.”

Erwin turned his body completely to face Levi, catching the shorter man off guard with the sudden confrontation. “Well, what about you? What’s your entire sexual history? I can’t be the only one on trial here.”

Levi shrugged. “The Underground is an interesting place. Prostitutes are very forgiving for your first time. They give you a discount.” He laughed at the pained expression that crossed Erwin’s face and waved his previous statement away. “I’m kidding. There were some cute girls down there. And then here…well, I got around as I rose the ranks.” He deliberately left out the part where he fucked and got fucked by plenty of men, deciding that was too forward. He needed Erwin to come to him first.

Erwin braced himself on the edge of the desk once Levi finished recounting his sexual tales, his knuckles turning white with how tightly he was gripping it. Levi’s eyes fell onto the other’s hand, the veins and bones in his hand rising above his skin, causing his mouth to go dry. Was this the right thing to do—to ask Erwin about his love life? Wouldn’t he be disappointed when Erwin told him all about the sweet woman he was in love with, the woman he wanted to lose his long-overdue virginity to? Especially after all those yearning gazes shared between them, the times when Erwin draped a blanket over him after he passed out on top of his desk, the handmade teas and horrible cookies (but they tasted perfect because Erwin made them)? Suddenly, Levi wanted desperately to renege on the topic of conversation.

He was about to ditch the entire thing when Erwin cleared his throat, his face pinkening. The lamplight couldn’t lie; the commander was actually getting embarrassed.

“But…what if they’re disappointed? I should’ve…done it…a while ago. I should be good at it.” Erwin covered his face with his hand, the other still digging its nails into the wood desk.

Levi’s whole mindset changed then. He could work with this. He could…do something with this. He had a brilliant idea.

“Men your age and older still can’t fuck right,” he said softly, a sympathetic smile on his lips as he slowly approached the commander. “With how caring you are, I’m sure you’ll do better on your first time than any man who’s had sex a million times.”

Erwin’s blush worsened, but instead of bashfulness, it seemed as if he was surprised. “You think I’m caring?”

Levi hesitated. “Well, yes. You do everything in your power to protect your cadets.” Now, time for the hardest part of the plan. He swallowed thickly before sliding his hand across the table, his fingers meeting Erwin’s before sliding on top of the back of his hand. His eyes flicked from their enjoined hands to the panicked blue eyes in front of him, analyzing them for any sort of resistance. “And you do everything to protect me. So, if you want…I can teach you how to fuck. Before, you know, you go and have sex with the right person.”

His eyes fell to the floor after he finished speaking, disappointment setting in. Sure, if Erwin agreed to this, he’d get to fuck the love of his life and finally see him in his true, pleasure-fueled element. He’d probably even get closer to him. But this was all a precursor to Erwin going out to “make love” to the woman he actually liked, and Levi would have to watch from the sidelines with a pained smile as they settled down and had beautiful children. Sure, Levi wanted to fuck Erwin. But he wanted to love him, too. He wanted a life with him—as much as a life within the walls could afford. And he wanted Erwin to love him back.

Erwin was silent, but he didn’t move his hand, nor his eyes. His eyes stayed on their hands, evaluating, dissecting, inspecting. Finally, he inhaled sharply, causing Levi to inadvertently tighten his grip on Erwin’s hand.

“You’d be willing to teach me?” he repeated. Levi nodded. Neither of the men was looking at each other. They didn’t have the courage to, even as full-grown adults. “Physically, you mean? Not with a chalkboard?”

Levi’s next move was a surprise to him, too; it was as if he was watching his own body from afar as he gripped Erwin’s wrist and flung him into his desk chair before settling in his lap, his legs snug between Erwin’s thighs and the arms of the chair. Erwin’s thighs provided a wonderful seat: they were big and strong, the muscle providing the perfect padding for Levi to sit back and still reach the blond’s flabbergasted face. His hand gripped Erwin’s tie and brought him closer, the tips of their noses kissing.

“Does this answer your question?” he murmured, and Erwin quickly nodded, looking like an obedient puppy in the hands of his equal.

His eyelashes fluttered as his gaze dropped to Levi’s lips. “When will the lesson begin?”

Oh, you fucker, Levi thought before diving in and massacring the lips he’d been dreaming about for far too many years. He never in a million years expected Erwin to accept his advances, and yet, unbelievably, it was happening now, in front of him, and not all in his head. He didn’t have time to process the fact that he was kissing his best friend, and that his best friend was reciprocating (with tongue). He had accepted that this was a dream, and he’d treat it that way until it was confirmed that it was real life—presumably after they’d both finished their “lesson”.

Erwin was an extremely good kisser. Whoever he’d shared his first kiss with evidently taught him well, or he was experienced in that department, or he was a fast learner. Or all three. Whatever it was, all he knew was that just a kiss was getting him hot and heavy. He sighed into the kiss when he felt Erwin’s hands on his back and hip, big enough to span from one shoulder blade to the other and for his palm to cover Levi’s entire hipbone. Unwittingly, Levi bucked his hips in Erwin’s palm, trying to get closer to his burning hot touch, only to elicit a delicious groan from the other.

“Fuck.” Erwin bit down on Levi’s bottom lip, his hand gripping onto the back of Levi’s shirt as if he were hanging on for life.

Levi was on fire. The kiss was like a drug. It was nothing like the drugs peddled in the Underground; no, it was far stronger. It was deadly because he would rather sacrifice his lungs than come up for air.

“Levi,” Erwin all but growled, causing Levi to grind his hips down in reply. All that did for the commander was make his eyes roll back and call out another “Levi,” except this time, his voice was soaked in need.

“Oh, what you do to me, Erwin,” Levi whispered. He ground his hips down again, making Erwin see stars. The fronts of their pants were equally and painfully hard at this point, and if it weren’t for their pesky clothing getting in the way, Erwin would’ve finished a long time ago. Levi relished in the feeling of Erwin’s hardness pressed against his inner thigh, making sure to give it ample attention whenever he moved his hips because it gave him the perfect reaction from Erwin: a drawn-out moan that left Levi lightheaded.

Levi wasted no time in tossing Erwin’s tie aside and ripping open his shirt, the buttons popping off and clattering on the floor. The clattering did nothing to distract him from Erwin’s muscular chest, however. He’d seen Erwin shirtless before, of course. Living in such close quarters, they’d oftentimes had to change in the same room. Levi began to wonder if Erwin looked at him the same way he had admired the blond; his broad chest, imposing upon the other males in the room as if to say “I know I’m stronger than you, and you do, too,” his bedhead locks hanging limply in front of his coarse eyebrows when they’d been woken up far too early, the gray sweatpants they wore during training that might as well have been lingerie. They left little to the imagination, and Levi was about to find out if the bulge he’d have to pry his eyes away from every day lived up to its potential.

Erwin slipped his hands up Levi’s shirt hesitantly at first, but when Levi leaned into the touch with another whirl of the hips, his tender touches turned ravenous. Levi’s shirt was also not spared from their hungry love affair, joining Erwin’s torn shirt on the floor. Erwin’s lips detached from Levi’s and reattached to his neck, suckling on the soft skin until Levi was forced to dig his fingernails into the blond’s shoulders to not alert the guards mulling around outside. It was dark out; all the cadets were asleep—however, he didn’t want to risk anything.

“This is very un-virgin-like of you,” Levi murmured before a groan overtook his voice, his spine curving so their chests were pressed against each other. “You’re—mmm—good…”

Erwin chuckled a reply, his hands roaming Levi’s chest until his thumbs got stuck on his nipples, which were hard and tantalizingly pink. All Erwin saw was candy.

“Do you like being touched here?” Without wasting a breath, Erwin kissed a trail down Levi’s chest to place a gentle kiss on the nub.

“Yes,” Levi breathed, tossing his head back as his arms moved to hug Erwin’s head to his chest. “Erwin, this is so—h-hey!”

Erwin’s teeth snagged on his nipple, and the blond looked up with a smirk of mischief.

“Apologies. My mistake.”

Levi scoffed. “Bullshi—a-ah!”

Levi wasn’t a small man—frame-wise. He was muscular and broad and sturdy; however, Erwin’s hands made him feel like a delicate plaything, they were so big. He was starting to feel his dominance wane, especially with the way Erwin made him moan like a bitch in heat. He was always in control whenever he had sex, and the only way to do that…was to make Erwin the bitch in heat.

“Have you ever gotten a blowjob, Erwin?” he whispered, placing butterfly kisses on Erwin’s head as the blond busied his lips with Levi’s nipples and chest. However, those lips stilled at that question.

“I…I have,” he replied reluctantly, raising his head to meet the other’s eyes.

Levi was a little disappointed because if Erwin already knew how a blowjob felt, that meant he’d have to out-blow the first person. Not that that would be a challenge, but still.

“So you’re not entirely a virgin,” he mused, drawing swirls in Erwin’s gelled back hair. If his hair wasn’t sweat-soaked and messy in his eyes by the time they’d finished, Levi would consider it a job badly done.

“I-I suppose not?” Erwin stuttered, confusion evident in his tone. “Why, what are you—”

Levi was already on his knees before he finished his question, ready to answer it. He quickly undid Erwin’s belt, licking his lips at the bulge he had very clearly felt against his leg a few moments ago.

Erwin immediately began to panic, his arms flying out to try and stop the other. “Levi! Y-you don’t have to—”

Levi was quick to interrupt. “I want to,” he replied. He was practically drooling, the clinking of the belt and the zipper unzipping music to his ears. It was pornographic just how much Erwin’s cock was straining against his drawers—the poor fabric was hanging onto his hips by a thread. It only took a short wave of his hand against the fabric crotch for Erwin’s hardness to emerge, leaving Levi breathless and confused.

How the hell am I going to fit this inside me?

“Don’t look at it like that,” Erwin said with a frown, breaking Levi out of his thoughts.

“No, Erwin,” Levi cooed reassuringly, brushing his fingertips against the vein encircling his shaft. “I’m just admiring it.”

Erwin didn’t seem convinced until he felt Levi’s fingers against them—then, all insecurities vanished. His whole body stiffened, his fingers digging into the leather arms of the chair.

Levi smirked at the whitening knuckles in front of him, his eyes drifting up to meet Erwin’s heated gaze. “Christ, if that’s how you react to a touch like that, I wonder how you’ll react to this…” With that, he gripped Erwin’s cock firmly and gave it an experimental stroke.

“A-ah!” The reaction was better than what Levi could ever imagine. Erwin’s body was pulsing, his eyelids dropping with lewdness and his gruff chest voice coming out in spurts. “Fuck…”

“Hm,” Levi hummed, leaning over to give the head a chaste kiss.

“L-Levi!” Erwin gasped. “Stop playing with me!”

“Oh, but it’s so fun,” Levi replied, his never-ending smirk on display on his lips. It only disappeared once he took the head into his mouth, letting the saliva he accumulated in his mouth drip down the shaft and gather around his hand that grasped the base. He gave it another pump as he sucked happily, lubricating it both to provide less friction for Erwin and for himself when he’d eventually have to put it inside himself. It was hot in his hand and heavy against his tongue, and all he was thinking was how it’d feel slapped against his cheek. But of course, he didn’t expect a virgin to do that for him.

“Mm—mm! Levi, ple-ease…” Erwin begged, his body racked with overstimulation.

“Pleath whath?” Levi asked, his voice muffled from the cock in his mouth. But Erwin’s answer was interrupted by another bout of moans that dribbled out of his mouth once Levi returned to dutifully sucking, taking more of the shaft into his mouth. He continued to descend, the corners of his mouth burning by how wide his mouth was stretching to accommodate Erwin’s size, not to mention how he was on the verge of gagging with how deep the blond’s cock was rubbing in his throat. And he was only halfway down.

This is going to be difficult, Levi thought, but he couldn’t focus on thinking when Erwin was making such a huge racket above him.

He pulled up enough to speak, saying, “If this is how you react to the beginning of a blowjob, then the one you got before must’ve been horrible,” before diving back down to his previous spot. He heard Erwin begin a retort, but he stuck out his tongue and stroked the vein in the corner of his mouth as a dirty trick, effectively shutting Erwin up with his own groans.

Even though he was focused on going as deep as possible, he couldn’t help but look up and try to make eye contact with Erwin, who was watching him with such a hungry expression, Levi couldn’t help but reach down into his pants to try and relieve some of the pain in his crotch as well.

However, after a few more strokes and gulps of Erwin’s shaft, he could barely prepare himself for the pressure at the back of his head or the gag that came from the back of his throat.

GACK!

“E-Er–“ was all Levi could say around the thick shaft in his mouth before Erwin’s heavy hand pushed him further down, burying himself deeper in the dark-haired man’s throat.

“Fuck, Levi!” Erwin groaned, his head tossed back in ecstasy. “It feels so…fuck! I’m so close…”

Erwin’s last curse came out as a growl, lighting Levi’s cheeks and groin on fire. However, his throat was also on fire, but for an entirely different reason. He liked control, but he couldn’t deny that being manhandled this way, feeling the sting in his hair where Erwin gripped it, made his body electrified. And he also couldn’t deny that the feeling of a cock lodged in his throat, as much as it was sexy, was also extremely uncomfortable.

“Er—!” he began, his voice muffled before being interrupted by another gag. His taps against Erwin’s leg quickly turned to slaps just as Erwin’s pushes brought him down to the base, his nose nuzzled into his golden happy trail.

“Oh, Levi!” Erwin exclaimed, suddenly broken out of his pleasure-fueled fugue state. He released Levi’s hair and the pressure on his head, leaving Levi to immediately lift off his cock with a lewd pop. He was left coughing while Erwin spluttered out apologies, his hands up in the air before one of them found a place on the top of Levi’s head. However, this time, there was no pressure. He pet the soft hair underneath his fingertips apologetically as Levi caught his bearings.

“I’m so sorry, Levi,” Erwin finally said after a myriad of unfinished sentences and stutters. “I-I got too into it. That’s never happened before…I—“

“No,” Levi finally said, his voice now hoarse. He wiped at the corner of his mouth, his hand streaked with saliva and precome. He took a moment to clear his throat before quietly adding, “I…I liked it.”

Both men could barely meet each other’s eyes, their faces as red as the candle flame dancing about on the desk.

Erwin was the first who dared to speak. “Uh, well, I—“

But Levi was quick to interrupt. “If that’s all it takes to get you to come, then we better move on.” He stood up, his hands dropping to his own belt as he held Erwin’s curious gaze. He dropped his trousers, leaving himself in just his drawers. “We wouldn’t want you to finish before we even got started.”

Erwin cleared his throat, his eyebrows furrowing together as he took in Levi’s body. His curious gaze morphed into something darker, his clear eyes turning stormy as they dropped to Levi’s crotch. “Y-yes, we wouldn’t want that.”

Erwin’s hungry gaze sent shivers down Levi’s spine. He had wanted this for so long: to be admired, to be sexualized by Erwin. He wanted to be wanted, and that was exactly how it was going. Erwin was physically restraining himself from reaching forward and pulling Levi to him; it was obvious from how tightly he was gripping the chair. It was perfect.

He carefully climbed back onto Erwin’s lap, sighing at the feeling of the blond replacing his hands to their rightful position on his hips once again. The position was the same as before, except now, Levi could feel Erwin’s leaking cock pressed against his asscheek, wetting his drawers.

“Nervous to finally lose your V card?” he asked with a smirk, reaching behind him to give Erwin’s cock a playful tug, earning a delicious grunt from the other.

“Should I be?” Erwin replied, cocking his head as he gazed up at his friend with lowered eyelids and heavy pants. His chest was rising and falling erratically the more Levi fondled him.

“No,” Levi cooed, reaching up to push down his drawers. He leaned forward and kissed Erwin’s cheek, delighting in the whimper that escaped those thin lips. “I’ll take care of everything.”

He lifted a hand to his lips, sticking two fingers inside his mouth and wetting them dutifully with his tongue. If he wanted to walk the next day and not bleed, he’d have to stretch himself very attentively.

“What are you doing?” Erwin asked. He was watching Levi’s every move with heated glances.

Levi chuckled between the fingers in his mouth, pulling them out and reaching behind himself. “Sex between men requires some stretching and lubrication,” he said as he slowly pushed a finger inside himself, letting out a low hiss. “When you have sex with the woman of your dreams, you probably won’t have to endure this. Women make their own lubrication, and if she’s not a virgin, she’s probably loose enough. Just give me a second.”

Even though he knew he shouldn’t rush the process, he didn’t want Erwin to think he was a boring lay, so he inserted a second finger, feeling a slight sting. Even though he only wanted to fuck Erwin in that moment, he at least wanted it to make it enjoyable and sweet for the man who was losing his virginity. He was sharing an important moment with his best friend, and even though sex between men wasn’t really counted as real sex, he might as well educate Erwin on real sex. So that was what he decided to do.

“You’re not exactly small, Erwin,” he continued, using his other hand to stroke Erwin as he fingered himself. It’d been a while since he last had sex. Perhaps a couple of years. Ever since he met and bonded with Erwin, he hadn’t had eyes on anybody else and wouldn’t let anybody touch him. In a way, he’d been saving himself for Erwin.

“You have to be patient with your lady,” he instructed, flinching each time he pumped his fingers in and out. He was loosening up, just not at the desired pace. “She might not handle it well.”

“Levi,” Erwin rasped, breaking Levi out of his teaching persona. “I want to do it.”

“Uh—” This was the last thing Levi expected, especially out of Erwin. “What?”

Erwin snaked a hand down Levi’s hip down to cup his cheek, his hand dangerously close to his entrance. His fingers inched up to stroke Levi’s wrist, which had since stilled from shock. He craned his neck up, his eyelashes fluttering as he looked at his friend.

“I want to prepare you,” he repeated. “Shouldn’t I learn how to do this?”

Levi hesitated. “Er, well, you probably won’t have to do this with women—”

“Levi,” Erwin interrupted, his eyes closing with annoyance, “for fuck’s sake, shut up about women. Let me help you.”

Levi’s ears went bright pink at that, and he had no choice but to let his fingers slip out and let his hand hang limply by his side. Erwin hardly ever cursed. It’d have to be a life or death situation for him to curse. And yet…

“Tell me if I’m hurting you,” Erwin warned, lifting his hand to his mouth and wetting two fingers like he watched Levi do. He dropped his hand to Levi’s entrance once his fingers were sufficiently coated, pushing in his fingertip as he held his breath.

“You’re not,” Levi said after sucking in a sharp breath. Erwin’s fingers were much bigger than his own—he knew this very well after dreaming about them for years. They felt even bigger than in his dreams. “Keep going.”

Erwin pushed in until he reached his knuckle and slowly pulled out, using Levi’s sighs and breaths as a guide as to whether he was doing well or not. He decided to risk it and push in a second finger before the saliva coating it dried up, earning a squeal from Levi.

“Are you okay?” Erwin asked hurriedly, but all Levi responded with was throwing his arms around his shoulders and burying his face in the crook of his neck.

“Erwin…” Levi’s voice was shaky. Erwin had never heard him like this. Levi always had a monotone voice, one that was reassured and calm. Even when he yelled, it was controlled. He was always in control. Well, it was only fair. This experience was a first for him, and it was a first for Levi to not be in control.

“Should I continue?” Erwin asked again.

Levi let out a shuddering breath. “I-inside every man’s ass, there’s a spot. And when you touch that spot, it makes you see stars. A-and…” He shifted his hips backward, causing Erwin’s fingers to brush up against a walnut-shaped mound raised from Levi’s walls. Yet again, Levi let out a cry, his fingers digging into Erwin’s back and leaving behind crescent-shaped tattoos.

“So, it’s here?” he asked, pressing into that spot again as if it was nothing, but it was everything to Levi. His mind was foggy, and his head was light. He was so confused; how did Erwin find his spot so quickly and how does he continue to find it so easily? Big fingers are good for that reason, but it seemed as if he knew intuitively where it was.

“Are y-you sure you’re a…a virgin?” he asked, moving his hips to match the pump of Erwin’s fingers. For a virgin, he was finding the spot over and over with impressive accuracy and stroking it with beautiful mastery.

Erwin chuckled and buried his nose in Levi’s dark mop of hair, taking in the smell of his hair mousse and salty sweat. “Yes, I’m very sure.”

After a few moments of continuous pumping, Levi instructed Erwin to scissor him open with another joke about him being well-endowed.

“I think you’re a virgin because women are too scared to handle your giant dick,” he said with a breathy laugh.

“Oh, I doubt that,” Erwin replied, giving Levi another scissor stretch. He fell silent in his thoughts for a moment before beginning, “You know, women aren’t my—”

“Okay, I think I’m ready,” Levi cut in, his hand gripping Erwin’s wrist. “I’m ready to put it in.”

“P-put—“ Erwin spluttered, his face matching Levi’s pink ears. “O-oh, right.”

It was almost as if he just remembered what was happening, that he was going to have sex. It was frustratingly endearing.

“We’ll go nice and easy,” Levi whispered, his tone no longer having its usual bite. He wasn’t that drunk on horniness—he knew how much of a big moment this was for Erwin.

“Okay,” Erwin replied quietly. He sucked air through his clenched teeth when Levi gripped his cock against, standing it up as he hovered above it. “You can stop whenever you want.”

“I know that,” Levi replied hurriedly. It almost felt as if he was losing his virginity, not Erwin. He let out a long breath before lowering his hips, but his chest seized once his entrance made contact with the head of Erwin’s cock, the sheer size of it making his body shut down.

“A-ah,” was the small whine that escaped Erwin’s lips. It invigorated Levi—he had control. It was all he needed to lower his hips further, letting out a groan with each inch that entered him.

“Mmm, fuck,” he grunted, his legs trembling the more he lowered himself. However, as strong as his thighs were, they were no match for Erwin’s size, and they gave out, causing a smack to echo off the walls from Levi’s legs giving out and landing him in Erwin’s lap yet again, except this time with his full size inside him.

“Ngh-!” It was like ripping off a bandage—it was better to get it over with all in one swoop, but damn, did it hurt. It was confirmed: Levi would be walking funny the next day for sure. But it couldn’t have felt any better. He was finally joined with Erwin. And he couldn’t wait to fuck him into oblivion.

However, Erwin was suspiciously quiet. Levi tried to lift his head from being buried in Erwin’s gelled hair, but Erwin’s stiff hold on him prevented him from checking in on the blond or even seeing his face since it was pressed against Levi’s chest.

And then came the warmth flooding inside him. It was strange—did Erwin grow a few inches in the few seconds he was inside? But it felt like liquid… which sent Levi into a panic. Was he bleeding that badly? Was he hemorrhaging? If he died because of internal bleeding from a giant cock instead of going down in glory from a Titan, he’d have some hands to throw with God.

However, he quickly pieced together what was happening when he felt Erwin’s entire body shivering and a guttural groan escape from the back of his throat, reverberating throughout Levi’s entire body.

Erwin came.

“Erwin?” he whispered. He bit his lip apprehensively, unsure of how to approach the sensitive issue. Usually, he enjoyed a good creampie. But he needed to have his mind fucked out before he got to the point where he could tolerate the slimy mess inside him, and he was hardly there. Now, he was just uncomfortable, even if it was Erwin’s, the love of his life’s slimy mess.

Erwin wasn’t talking. He was a statue.

Levi took his perpetual silence and interpreted it as shame. He rubbed Erwin’s shoulder reassuringly and kissed the top of his head, making sure to keep his hips still to not overstimulate the poor man.

“It’s alright, Erwin. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. Lots of men do this, especially during their first time. It’s completely nor…” Levi trailed off when he realized something dire: Erwin wasn’t getting softer. He was preparing himself to lift off Erwin’s lap and have that difficult conversation, but how the hell was he supposed to get up with that thing still lodged inside him?

Erwin wasn’t just not getting softer; he was getting harder. Enough to stretch Levi open even more, causing the man to hiss both in pain and in confusion. What the hell is going on?

Before Levi could realize what was happening, he was being lifted into the air and subsequently flipped over, his face pressed into the cold hardwood desk. His legs flailed about before finding their place on the floor, his arms pinned behind him in Erwin’s strong grasp.

“Erwin—?!”

“Sorry, Levi, but I’m not done.” Erwin’s voice was gravelly, and Levi couldn’t see his face to match the voice to the expression he was making. “Mind if I come in you again?”

“W-wait—!” However, a powerful thrust cut him off, replacing his objection with a shout mixed with a lewd moan. His chin and knees thumped against the desk, and his softening erection was at full mast yet again. “Erwin, wait!”

Erwin was about to pull out again—he had become a machine—but stopped upon hearing Levi’s pleas. “Are you alright? Does it hurt?”

How dare you fucking ask that when I’m leaking like a hose over here? Levi thought angrily. He shook his head to the best of his ability and clarified, “N-no, just…what happened?”

“Oh.” Erwin chuckled bashfully, and when Levi turned his head, he could see the blond rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

The damn brute, acting all shy.

“Well, that was embarrassing. You caught me off guard. But I recovered. So, shall we continue?”

He pulled out an imperceptible amount before pushing back in, giving Levi a mouth-watering taste of what was to come.

“Erwin,” Levi breathed, his cheek heating up the wood underneath it as he tried to meet Erwin’s eyes. “Fuck me until I can’t stand.”

Levi liked to be in control. But something that he’d learned very quickly from Erwin (who knew he’d be learning something from the virgin?) was that sometimes…it was nice to give up control. He had been in control his entire life, especially now as a captain. Maybe he could let somebody take the reins for a while.

The small smile that crossed Erwin’s lips sent chills down his spine. “Duly noted.”

The subsequent thrust that followed made Levi’s knees buckle, but Erwin’s hold on his wrists pinned to his back held him in place long enough for Levi to barely recover in time for another back-breaking thrust.

“E-Erwin!” he cried, his skin prickling with each smack and squelch that hit his ears. “Erwin, fuck, it feels—ngh, s-so—"

Both his legs and voice were trembling, his legs close to collapsing at the feeling of Erwin’s size stuffed inside him and pushing out his semen with his thrust. The previous semen provided the perfect lube, and it only added to the lascivious sounds filling the room. Erwin’s groans and grunts were short but dominant, each one causing Levi’s body to seize up and his hole to tighten, which then caused Erwin to groan more. It was a vicious cycle, one that brought each man eye-rolling waves of pleasure.

“You’re so tight, L-Levi,” Erwin murmured, leaning over Levi’s body to lick the shell of his ear. He gave another rough thrust, relishing in Levi’s unhinged reaction. “Are you sure you’re not a virgin?”

Levi was about to reply with a sarcastic remark, but Erwin never gave him the time as he ramped up his pace and continued to give his ear—one of his erogenous zones—special attention. Erwin let go of Levi’s wrists, to which the captain responded by spreading his arms out and digging his nails into the wood. However, Erwin didn’t leave Levi’s hands unattended for long. In between hard thrusts, he slipped a hand over Levi’s, interlacing their fingers from the back and running his thumb over his knuckles. He kept his other hand staunchly on Levi’s hip, leaving angry red marks for Levi to enjoy afterward.

“You’re going to have to buy me a new desk,” he whispered, his voice barely audible over the slapping and wet sounds behind them. “You’re leaving scratch marks. That’s pretty…ugh…s-suspicious.”

“Erwin!” Levi begged, both out of frustration and pleasure. He wanted Erwin to stop teasing him, but at the same time, that was the main thing that was sending him over the edge—other than the punishing thrusting pace, of course. “Fuck me, f-fuck me, f…fuck…mmm—! Harder!”

“As you wish,” Erwin replied. He complied beautifully to Levi’s request, each thrust leaving a fresh set of raised red circles on Levi’s ass. “A-ah, Levi…it’s getting quite hard to move…”

“Shut up and kiss me,” Levi demanded. Yet again, Erwin complied, leaning back over and meeting Levi’s cherry red and bitten-up lips with a sloppy kiss that only added to the wet sounds in the room. “Mmph!”

“Levi,” Erwin growled hoarsely in between kisses, causing Levi’s toes to curl in his boots. “Levi…are you cl…mmm…close? Can I...c-can I come inside?"

Levi nodded quickly, which only added to his disorientedness. He couldn't tell down from up—that was Erwin's effect on him. "I-inside...plea...please!"

They were breathing into each other’s mouths at this point, too afraid to separate lips and lose that connection between them. Levi nodded, his hand drifting down the desk.

“My…my cock…” Levi mumbled before a moan overtook him, his hand stopping in its movements as his body went stiff again.

Erwin understood right away. He acted quickly, wanting Levi to come at least once before he finished again. He moved the hand on Levi’s hip down, down until his fingers brushed against Levi’s leaking cock. Within a second, he had it in his grip, giving it a tight pump and utilizing the precome as lube.

Levi’s reaction was immediate, his voice coming out as a shrill squeak and his body ransacked by tremors. He could barely see anything between his sweaty hair clumping in front of his eyes and the way his head was being tossed about with each brutal thrust. All he knew was that he needed one more thing, and he was done.

“Levi,” Erwin whispered again, planting a kiss on the corner of Levi’s lips. “I like you. I like you so much. I’ve liked you for so long…”

That was all Levi needed. With all his erogenous zones activated, plus the romantic confession from Erwin, it was the perfect concoction that brewed up a warm, familiar feeling in the depths of his stomach. It only took the combination of a pump of Erwin’s hand and a thrust from his brilliant cock to send him over the edge.

“Er-Er—” His voice cut out just as his vision was overtaken by blinding stars, his come splashing against the inside of the desk and leaving it covered in the evidence of his and Erwin’s romantic encounter. His entire body seized, and every time he felt the fluid movement of Erwin’s abs moving against his sweat-slicked back, it overstimulated him to the point that all that came out of his mouth were pathetic whimpers. With the next movement, he used all the strength in his neck to move his head over to their conjoined hands and bit down on Erwin’s knuckles to silence himself.

It only took two more thrusts for Erwin to finish. He had been holding back ever since they first started back up again, but he needed Levi to enjoy this as much as he was. And his captain very clearly did. His captain.

His orgasm was quieter than Levi’s, but it wasn’t any less dramatic or took any less of a toll on his body. His hips stuttered forward, his chest erratically falling and rising to compensate for the lack of breath in his lungs. He grunted into the nape of Levi’s neck as he buried himself deep inside, spilling his second seed of the night inside his captain. His captain.

Levi was very much in that fucked-out-of-his-mind state of being because he thoroughly enjoyed the feeling of being filled to the brim with that sticky substance a second time. It was the perfect feeling to close out the night, followed by the worst feeling of the night: Erwin pulling out. He let out a pathetic whine, and he wasn't even ashamed—he loved Erwin's cock that much. He felt so empty, and he had to deal with the sensation of Erwin’s hot come spill out and wind down his leg. He’d have to take a bath right after this. But his legs could barely stand, and he could hardly hold onto the desk; all his limbs had turned into jelly.

Luckily, Erwin caught him by wrapping his arm around Levi’s stomach before he could collapse, seating him in his lap. Since when had Erwin sat back down in the chair? Levi didn’t know—all he knew was he had been thoroughly and totally fucked from the fact that he had no sense of linear time. All he knew was that he was still madly in love with Erwin, and he had fallen deeper in love…if that was even possible.

“Hey,” Erwin finally spoke up after a few uninterrupted minutes of them breathing heavily. “You’re the right person I was talking about earlier, Levi. You’re the person I’ve been saving myself for.”

Levi was so lightheaded, he felt as if his head could up and float away at any moment. But the second he heard Erwin say that, heard his meatheaded commander confess his love for the second time, he was all-too grounded.

“I…I think I figured that out pretty quickly, Erwin,” Levi replied softly, still catching his breath. He slipped his hands over the blond’s that were sitting over his stomach, and he leaned his head back to rest against Erwin’s shoulder. He looked up to see those blue eyes he’d wanted to focus only on him for so long, and he earned it. Now, those blue eyes never left him. “No normal man would’ve accepted my proposal without being a little attracted to men.”

“Well, then, I’m glad I’m not normal,” Erwin replied, hugging Levi closer to him. “I’m glad you taught me to love you, Levi.”

How could Levi not feel all warm and mushy at that? As much of the stern man he was, he wasn’t heartless. In fact, Erwin reminded him just how big his heart could be at times, as if it was too big for his chest and would burst at any moment.

“Okay, but you seriously saved it all these years for me?” Levi asked, lifting up and turning slightly to be able to look Erwin in the face. “Ever since we first met? Why didn’t you make a move earlier?”

Erwin sighed deeply and shook his head. “I was honestly about to lose it before I met you. I had a girlfriend, and I was satisfied with the thought that I’d be living out the life people expected of me. Get a nice wife, have a couple of kids, and retire from the Regiment or die with the honor of leaving behind a nice family and being a strong man.” He looked up, his eyes never having shone so brilliantly before. “But then I met you, and I realized I needed to share such an intimate part of myself with somebody I truly cared about. And as for taking so long…”

He snickered and tapped Levi on his behind. “That’s your fault. I dropped so many hints…”

“You dropped so many hints?!” Levi interjected. “I was dropping hints every time we were alone together! Your nickname in my head is meathead because you never understood anything!”

“Er, I—” Erwin hesitated, his eyes dropping as he gathered his thoughts. “Now, wait a minute—”

“Ugh, it doesn’t matter,” Levi sighed, lifting a hand to Erwin’s cheek and stroking his famously sharp cheekbone tenderly. “It took too goddamn long, but we’re here. We…” He bit his lip before saying, “We made love.”

Erwin let out a bark of a laugh and threw his arms around Levi, pulling him in for a tight, bone-breaking hug. “And you said I was a softie!”

“Be quiet,” Levi demanded, pushing himself off Erwin’s lap and grabbing a tissue from his desk to clean himself up to the best of his ability before pulling his drawers and pants up. “By the way, how did you know where to touch me? It barely felt like I was having sex with a virgin.”

Erwin smirked. “I read pornography.”

Levi whipped around, his eyebrows halfway up his forehead. “Those pictures? There are ones with males?”

“Once you’re the commander, you can get a lot of things normal people can’t,” Erwin replied coolly.

Levi went silent, fumbling with his belt absentmindedly as he imagined Erwin masturbating to gay porn late at night. Dare he imagine that Erwin was thinking about him while masturbating, replacing the men’s faces with theirs? He was far too exhausted to get hard again, but damn it, could he still use his wonderful imagination. “Well, you won’t need that now that I’m here.”

Erwin chuckled and shrugged. “I suppose not.”

Levi finished fastening his belt, his cheeks heating up as he tried his best to ignore Erwin’s fond gaze on him.

“Stop staring at me and get back to work.”

“Oh, Levi, won’t you stay?” Erwin pleaded, reaching out to tug on Levi’s pants.

“With your come in my ass? I don’t think so,” he replied with a scoff. His first reaction was to smack Erwin’s hand away, but instead, he lifted it to his lips and gave his knuckles, which harbored a clean red bitemark from earlier, a soft kiss. “Besides, I only came in to drop off those documents and talk about them for a little bit. My side mission was to seduce you. I’ve been pretty successful today.”

Erwin grinned and nodded. “I have been thoroughly seduced.”

Levi was so in love. All he wanted to do now was get back in Erwin’s lap and kiss him until they both passed out. But he had to control himself. He just took the man’s virginity, they confessed both their feelings to each other, and he had to cope with the fact that he wouldn’t be able to walk straight the next day. He was exhausted.

He walked over to Erwin’s closet and pulled on one of his shirts since his had been ripped to shreds. It was far too big for him, which was both a blessing and a curse. He was far too tired to care about the curse—besides, it was late. He could run to his room without anybody seeing him, right?

“I’ll see you in the morning, Erwin,” Levi said after buttoning up the shirt.

“Can’t I seduce you to sleep in my bed tonight?” Erwin asked, standing up to fasten his belt and pad over to Levi. He towered over the captain, that pleading expression leaving Levi at a loss for any rejection words.

“I…” He’d never be able to say no to that face. “I won’t make it a habit. But since I took your virginity…” He tugged at Erwin’s belt, stumbling him forward enough so that his nose reached his downturned chin. “I can make an exception for tonight.”

Before Erwin could react, he added, “But I have to clean myself up. I’ll be back after my bath. You should probably take one, too.”

“Can’t we take one together?” Erwin asked in that pleading voice, but this time, Levi put his foot down.

“The entire Regiment probably heard us rutting about. Us going to the bath together is pushing it,” he said. When he saw the gloomy look that crossed Erwin’s puppy-dog face, he pulled the blond down by the back of the neck and smooched him hard enough to leave the other dazed. “I will see you in an hour. Goodnight.”

He shuffled out of the room before Erwin could object, closing the door and rushing down the hallway. He was smiling to himself, so excited that he made it out without being seen that he missed Moblit’s entire body in the middle of the hallway, bumping into him hard enough to get the other to grunt.

“Hey—oh, Levi!” Moblit exclaimed, quickly lowering his voice since it was late. “What are you doing out here at this hour?”

He stepped back, and it was comical how quickly his eyes dropped from Levi’s face to the oversized shirt he had on. It was less comical how they slowly drifted down the hallway to take in Erwin’s slightly ajar office door and how the lights were still on inside the room. Not to mention, Moblit certainly noticed how disheveled and sweaty Levi looked.

“What are you staring at?” Levi snapped, tugging the shirt tighter around his body as he shouldered past Moblit. “Get back to your post before I inform Commander Erwin about this.”

“So you’d go back to his office?” Moblit asked, hiding a snicker behind his hand. He barely saw the kick in the back of the knee coming, crippling him to the floor as Levi continued on his way.

“No more smart remarks from you, soldier,” Levi grumbled, slipping into his room and hiding behind the door. He walked to the bathroom and looked himself in the face: he was far too red. He knew he could trust Moblit to keep his secret—it didn’t make the encounter any less embarrassing.

Before long, he was bathed and clean. He made sure that the hallway was clear before sprinting down and slamming Erwin’s bedroom door closed behind him. He sighed, but before he could even turn around, Erwin’s hands were on him, around his waist, pinching his hips.

“You took too long.” Erwin had probably fallen asleep; his voice was gruff but melodic.

“Let’s go to sleep,” Levi whispered, turning around in his arms and taking in the refreshing cotton scent of his shirt.

“Mm.” They shuffled and practically fell onto the bed, Erwin out like a light before Levi could even adjust his position. He was convinced that they’d get up to some more funny business before falling asleep, but perhaps losing his virginity in addition to orgasming twice in one night was a little too much for the commander. It would have been too much for anyone.

Levi, fully believing Erwin was asleep, fit himself into his side. His head found a place on his muscled chest, the same one he had been envisioning himself laying on for far too long. And here he was, with that chest all to himself with no need to share it with anybody else. He draped an arm around Erwin’s waist and hugged him tighter.

“I like you, Erwin,” Levi whispered as he shut his eyes.

Erwin smiled to himself in the dark, his eyes fluttering open and casting down to take in Levi’s frame snuggled up against him. I like you, too, Levi, he thought. More than you could ever know.

[sunmoonandeddie]

sunrise

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

word count: 2,798

summary: He’s not sure what he’s done to earn each morning, but fuck, does he love it.

warnings: There’s a fight between the two but it is in fact angst to sweet good fluffiness <333 also cussing lol

a/n:  Thank you so much to @captswilson​ for commissioning this!!!  I had so much fun with it!!!!!!!

There is something majestic about the sun rising.  It peeks through the curtains in Bucky’s room, little bit by little bit.  It illuminates the desk and then creeps across the floor, towards the edge of the bed.

He’d done his best to organize the room in a way that would ensure you wouldn’t wake up to the sun in your eyes.  His precious girl loved sleep and he was going to make sure you got as much of it as you wanted.

The light has only reached the foot of the bed, and he knows he probably has another thirty minutes to an hour before you wake up.  Maybe two if he can find the will to leave your embrace and fix the black out curtains that are supposed to prevent this sort of thing.

But you’re so warm and soft against him and he’d just gotten home from a mission the night before and there’s a million other reasons keeping him in bed and all of them start and end with you.  He’s also scared to get out of bed for the fear of you waking up while he’s not cuddling you.

There’d been a fight the morning of the mission.  One that had resulted in crying and you suggesting that you be gone by the time he got back.

And he hadn’t said a word.  He’d just left.

“Jamie?” You mumbled as you felt him get out of the bed, despite how hard he’d tried to not wake you.

The super soldier winced as he turned around to face you, to look at your sweet, sleepy face.  “Hey, baby…,” he said soothingly as he moved to sit on the edge of the bed.

“Where are you going?” You asked, even as your eyes saw his phone in his hand and the message he’d received.  “You’re leaving?”

He hated the way that your voice cracked and the little quiver in your lip.  “It’s just a quick in and out mission, sweetheart,” he said reassuringly.  “I’ll be back in three days tops.”

You were wide awake then, pushing yourself up.

He’s distracted for a moment by the sight of you in one of his t-shirts.  Especially considering that he knows there’s nothing on underneath.

But it wasn’t the time for that.

“Three days?”  Your voice is sharp and bordering on angry now.  Frustration lined the contours of your face as you stared at him, hard.  “But what about our trip?  We’ve been planning this for months and I finally got the time off of work!”

And fuck, he knew that.  He knew that this weekend was special.  It was your anniversary, and you two had finally planned a trip away for yourselves on one of Tony’s private islands in the Caribbean.

But with the mission call, those plans had disappeared, as well as the plans for the ring box buried in his side of the closet, in a pair of unworn boots hidden amongst all the other pairs of black combat boots.

Bucky wanted to tell you to just quit your job and work for Tony or even just let him take care of you.  You’d never have to work again.

“Baby, I have to go,” he said softly as he tried to reach out to cup your cheek.  A crack ran through his heart as you jerked away from his touch.  “You know I do…  They call and—”

“Yeah,” you said, cutting him off as you stared at him long and hard.  “You go.  You always go.  It’s fine.”  But by the tone of your voice, he knows it’s not fine.

He could always read you.  Bucky was able to tell how you were feeling just by how you breathed, the way your hands moved.  But for the first time ever, he can’t.  He has absolutely no clue what you were feeling.

And that scared that absolute shit out of him.

He whispered your name as he tried to reach for you again, but you got off the other side of the bed and stood up, moving towards the closet.  “What are you doing?” He asked.

“You’re the one always leaving.  Maybe I should, too,” you muttered as you began to pull your clothes from the hangers.

“What?!”  He was full blown panicking then.  You couldn’t leave.  “Baby, baby, no.  Don’t leave.  Please.”  He rushed towards the bed, grabbing the clothes you’d already tossed there and began to hang them back up.  “Can’t we talk about this?”

“Talk about what?  Talk about how I’m never going to be your priority?  How you’re going to keep telling me that you’re gonna retire soon, only for it to never happen?”

Bucky knew he didn’t have a right to get angry at that, even though it was true.  He had been telling you for over a year that he’d retire soon and then you two could really settle down.  Maybe get a dog or have a baby.

And every time you asked, he’d just say it wasn’t the right time.

But he did get angry.  He was human, after all.

“Real fucking mature,” he said with a scoff, shaking his head.  “You know, if it wasn’t for my paycheck, and therefore these missions, you wouldn’t even be living in this fancy apartment.  You wouldn’t have a suite you live in for free in the fucking Avengers Tower in the center of Manhattan,” he snapped.  He was going too far, but he was so frustrated and angry.  Because he did want to stay.  He did.  But he had debts to society that he needed to repay.  “Hell, your little office job wouldn’t even pay for an apartment in Jersey City!  I give you everything, and you can’t even handle me going away for a few days so we can have everything that we do!”

You took a step back, your eye glassy.  “So that’s how you feel,” you breathed out.

Bucky had gone way too far.  He’d said things he’d never even thought before, but it had come out because he was hurting and there came that mean streak inside of him that insisted that he hurt you back.

He shook his head, a few rogue tears falling down his cheeks.  “No…  No, that’s not how I feel,” he said quietly.  “Please…  Can we please just talk about this?  I—”  He was cut off as his phone dinged again, and he cursed under his breath as he realized it was Sam texting him that they needed to leave in ten minutes.

A snort.

His eyes met yours right before you looked away, crossing your arms as you moved to the window and stared out at the waking city.  “We’ll talk about this when I get back,” he said definitively.

But as he headed for the door, he heard you say, “Sure we will.”

He was in a state of constant anxiety the entire mission, wanting nothing more than to call you and explain but now knowing exactly what to say.

What could he say?  He was cruel and mean and horrible, and god, he really wouldn’t blame you if you weren’t there when he got back.

The mission ended up taking seventy-nine hours, and he had worked himself into a tizzy the entire jet ride home.

He stormed down the ramp and into the car that would take them to the city, tapping his foot impatiently as he waited for Sam and Wanda to climb in.  “If you don’t hurry up, I’m leaving without you!”

“We get it, you’re excited to go home to your girl,” Sam chuckled as he got in, Wanda quickly following.

She was quiet, and he knew it was most likely because his thoughts were too loud to keep to himself.  There was no way she didn’t know about the fight you two had.

“Did something happen between you two?” Sam asked, glancing over at him as they started towards the city.  “Usually you two are on the phone every chance you get during a mission.”

Bucky’s forehead rested against the cold glass window as he stared at the passing scenery.  “Yeah…  Something like that…”

When they got home, he went straight to your shared apartment, hoping to every god there was that you were still there.  Maybe you’d be at work and you could get that vacation time back and use it next weekend or something.

He just needed his baby.

Bucky’s hand rested on the door handle, his key card in his hand.  He was terrified to go in, and he took a few steadying breaths, just like his therapist had taught him.

What was he gonna do if you were gone?

He finally opened the door, his eyes going wide as he saw you putting away some laundry.  “You stayed,” he breathed out.

“No.  I didn’t,” you said quietly, your voice cracking.  “I left.  I packed all my stuff up and I left and went to a hotel.  But then I…  I couldn’t just leave.”  Tears welled up in your eyes.

“I don’t care,” he said.  “You came back.  That’s what matters.  And I’m here now and I…”  Like the broken man he was, he fell to his knees in front of you and clung to your shirt.  “Baby…  I need you.  I’ll do anything, please…  Just don’t leave me…”

He was surprised when you fell to your knees with him, breaking down as you threw your arms around him.  “I’m sorry I said that stuff.  I love you.  I love you.  I’m so sorry, Jamie.”

Kisses were pressed all over your wet cheeks as he shook his head.  “No, I’m sorry,” he murmured.  “I was cruel and I was lashing out because I was so scared, but I should’ve just talked to you.”

“So you didn’t mean all that stuff?” You whimpered, almost shocked.  “About me using you for your money or whatever?”

“No.  No.  I could never think that stuff.”  He cradled your face in his hands and pressed his lips to yours fiercely.  “I was just upset and lashing out and I…  I swear to you, I will never say anything like that ever again.  But please don’t leave.”

You curled against his chest, comforted by the heat of his embrace.  “I won’t.  I’m not leaving, I promise.  I love you so much.”

“I love you more.”

There’d been a lot of crying last night after you two had made up and talked through everything.

And then a lot of make up sex, but there was usually a lot of sex after he got back from a mission, no matter how long he’d been gone.

A smile creeps t across his lips as he reaches down and lightly brushes his fingers against your inner thighs, feeling the heat from the beard burn he’d left.

Sunlight’s crept a little further up the bed, reaching your tangled legs.  Your foot brushes against his calf as you start to stir, your nose smushed against his chest.

Bucky coos softly, caressing your soft cheek to get you to fall back into your slumber.  It takes a few minutes, but he does it.  Somehow, he manages to untangle your limbs and slip out of the bed undetected.  He freezes as you mumble, shifting towards the warmth of the spot he’s just vacated, and he feels kinda bad.  He knows how much you love how warm he is.

But he needs to get something.

He takes a moment to fix the curtains so you can sleep a little longer before heading for the closet.

Everything is out of its usual order thanks to your hasty exit and then return.  Neither of you had cared much about the proper order of the closet once he had you in his arms.

But that’s beside the point.

It’s not hard to find.  He gets on his knees and goes through the line of his shoes, finding the very last pair of black combat boots.  They’re shiny and brand new, lacking the wear and tear of his other pairs.  Bucky reaches into the right shoe and pulls out a small ring box, his heart hammering.

Is he really gonna do this?

Yeah.  Yeah, he is, because he’d been more scared the past three or so days than he had been in his entire life.

He would rather go through everything Hydra had put him through again than ever risk losing you again.  All the torture, all the pain, all the wiping.  All of it has led him to you and god, it was worth it to wake up to your sweet face.

There weren’t girls like you back in the forties, and he couldn’t imagine going back like Steve had.

But he supposes if Steve felt about Peggy the way he feels about you, then…  How could he blame him?

The lid flips open as he sits on the closet floor, the diamonds gleaming in the light.

It had taken a lot of work to get the ring that had belonged to his Ma, which was ridiculous considering it’s his family.

But the Smithsonian apparently doesn’t like giving back items that could be considered stolen property.

It took him threatening to break in and take it by force (as well as a lot of other stuff) for them to hand it over.

He then got it cleaned and resized for you, and it’s been sitting in that shoe for three months now, waiting for the perfect time.

But there is something he has to do first.

Bucky creeps to the bedside table, sneaking a glance at your peaceful face as he grabs his phone and then disappears into the bathroom.  It’s there that he types out his message to Pepper and Sam.

Bucky: I’m out of missions permanently.  I’ll train new recruits and if there’s a Thanos level threat, I’ll jump in, but otherwise, I’m done.  I gotta think about my girl.

He turns off his phone before he gets a reply, setting it back on the table as he climbs into bed, the ring box clutched tightly in his hand.  There’s no space for missions when he wants a future with you, with the possibility of a family, maybe a few little ones running around in a few years.  He can’t handle seeing the fear in your eyes when he kisses you goodbye anymore, or the disappointment when he slipped off to the quinjet.

And he wants to be there for your future.  He doesn’t wanna leave you as a widow or a single mother.  He wants to be there with you for every step of life.

His lips press to your forehead as he gently curls around you again.  God, he could just stay in bed with you forever.

“Jamie?”

Bucky can’t say he’s shocked when you wake, your eyes slowly blinking open to find him already looking down at you.  “Good morning, pretty girl,” he whispers, almost like he’s afraid to break the stillness of the morning.

Even though he’s sure it’s almost noon.

He takes a breath, resting his forehead against yours.  “You know how much I love you, right?”

“Well… yeah,” you say quietly as your nimble fingers reach up to run through his shaggy brown hair.  Maybe you would give him a haircut soon, sit on the bathroom sink as he stood in front of you.

“If I…”  Bucky swallows around the lump in his throat, suddenly overcome with emotion.  “If I told you that I texted Sam and told him I’m out of missions forever…  If I told you that from now on I’m only gonna help train new recruits…”

“Yes?”  You don’t move, blinking up at him with a fond smile on your lips.

And god, he’s so grateful for you and your patience.  You know whatever he’s going to say is important and he needs your full attention.

That, and you’re also excited about the possibility of not having to worry about him dying every other week on a mission.

He brings the ring box into view, his mouth drier than the Sahara as he opens it up.  “Will you marry me?” He breathes out.

A giggle escapes your lips as you lean forward and kiss him fiercely, your arms thrown around him.  “I thought you’d never ask,” you mumble against his lips.  Everything that had been said in the heat of the moment those few days ago is forgotten as he slides the ring on your finger and holds you to his chest.

And Bucky can’t help but smile as the sunlight hits your face, illuminating your gorgeous eyes.  He wasn’t sure what he’d done to deserve this morning with you, waking up next to you in his t-shirt, but he’d spend the rest of his life earning every single sunrise.

[darthzero22]

Taking care of you

Crosshair x Neutral Reader 

In the mission you ended up with a shot in the right foot, nothing serious, but it was hard to walk. All day you were mostly sitting and hoped that the next day your foot would be better.

You woke up an hour before the time everyone usually wakes up, you confirmed it with your holopad that you had on a metal box next to your bed because you were using it as a nightstand. The first thing that came with waking up was the little stabbing pain in your foot, and you were already cursing it in your head. The worst thing is that because of the position in which you slept, in order to make your foot as comfortable as possible, your right leg fell asleep causing you to barely move it. You definitely started the day in the best possible way, and that was sarcasm.

Well, there was one good thing about your horrible awakening and that was to see Crosshair sleeping next to you, and he looked so peaceful that it was a great comfort to you. He was lying on his side, facing you, and so you could see his face in more detail. You weren't going to wake him up, of course not. In those moments you thought about how damn attractive he was and you gently caress his face.

Thanks to one of those caresses Crosshair begins to move a little, as if he was waking up, in fact he first mumbles in his sleep and then wrinkles his nose. In spite of that he doesn't wake up, he was still sleeping, and maybe it was because the little caresses that you were giving him were relaxing for him.

You straighten your back, then hiss when you feel pain in your foot again, as you moved your leg a little in an attempt to wake it up. At least the pain was bearable, unlike yesterday. You wanted to get up to reach your datapad that you clumsily left on the table last night, and you were about to move out of bed. Unfortunately your foot didn't cooperate at all and so when you put it against the floor, the pain got worse and this time you didn't hiss, you groaned. You tried to be as quiet as possible, but Crosshair heard you and that's why he woke up.

“What…?” he sees you sitting with your injured foot on top of the bed and a grimace of pain on your face. “Y/N”

Crosshair had straightened his back to stand next to you and see you better. You could tell by the look on your face that your foot was making your morning difficult, and so he moves closer to you to rest his hand on your right leg and start stroking it in an attempt to reassure you.

“Hey, Cross… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you”

“That doesn't matter now.  What did you do now?”

“I was clumsy and... I put my foot on the floor”

Crosshair sighs, he was going to tell you something, but first he gives you a kiss on your temple, something that relaxes you more.

“Even with an injured foot you are still stubborn”, he said.

“Well, I guess I learned that from this squad” you laugh lightly and close your eyes tightly from the pain. “The worst thing... is that my leg fell asleep, I can't feel it completely”

“Is that so?” he squeezes your right thigh in a gently way.

“I barely felt that, so yeah.... My leg is numb. I just need to lose a toe and with that I will win a bad luck award”

What you said made Crosshair laugh without opening his mouth, but then he shakes his head slightly.

“I know I exaggerated a little…” you start to say.

“Just a little?”

“It's just... I know I was a little clumsy on the mission, but I think I got the message when I got shot in the foot by a damn droid”

You sigh and lean to the side to lean on Crosshair, specifically your head on his shoulder. You rub your face against it a little, as if you were a cat giving affection.

“And I know Tech said it would take a few days for my foot to recover...”

“All the more reason for you not to be stubborn. If you want to go back to doing the missions, worry about your foot”

“I know… Are you upset because I woke you up?”

“No, I'm not. I'm worried actually”

“Sorry for worrying you then”

“That's what I get for loving you” he rests his chin on your head.

“And that's bad for you, right?” you joked and then smile.

“Well, you said it, not me”

You knew he was playing along with your joke, so you give him a gentle tap on his chest.

“Now seriously speaking, I don't want to be a nuisance to anyone, least of all you”

“Don’t start”

“I want to start trying to walk and not sit in a chair all the time. Yesterday I didn't do anything useful for the team, but today I want to do at least something”

“Are you serious? You got the shot yesterday, Y/N. If you don't want to rest for you, fine, but do it for me then”

You'd do anything for Crosshair, so you pull away from his shoulder and look at him to nod your head. He squeezes your right thigh again and this time you did feel it, so it meant that your leg was no longer numb.

“Oh, I felt that” you said.

“That's progress”

“And now comes the tingling in the leg.... Damn it!”

You look sideways at Crosshair and see that he had a smirk on his face.

“Don't make fun of me!”

“Me? I would never do that” he said, acting a voice of indignation.

“Oh, right. I totally believe you, dummy” you said with sarcasm, and with affection. “You know what's even funnier? I have to go to the bathroom”

Crosshair's smile disappeared when he heard you say that and now you're the one smiling.

“That means...”

“I need help to get there, your help” you rest your index finger on his chest and then bring it up to give him a playful poke on the nose with it.

Crosshair wrinkles his nose and then sighs in annoyance, then you see him get off the bed.

“Let's do it quickly” he said, and he offers you both hands to help you up.

“Oh, I'll take my time” you put a smirk.

“Why did I open my mouth?”

You grab his hands and with his help you get up from the bed, avoiding placing your right foot on the floor at first, and once you are standing you slowly place it on the floor. You hiss a little, but it was a slight pain thankfully. Now leaning on him, you walk to the bathroom and manage to get there without a problem. He waits for you outside, hoping nothing happens to you inside.

“Everything all right in there?” he asked.

“Yeah, yeah. Everything is fine”

You take a few moments in the bathroom and when you're done you open the door, but you gently rest a hand on Crosshair's chest to stop him when he tried to help you.

“Y/N”

“I want to try, Cross”

Crosshair, unsure, nods his head and lets you walk alone to the room, but he followed closely behind in case you stumbled or lost your balance. Since the ship used to be a mess at times, you trip over a small box, but Crosshair caught you just in time, and he was never so fast in his life.

“Wow! Where did that box come from?” you asked with your two hands on his chest, since you were so close to his body.  

“I don’t know. But I'm going to kill Wrecker. I told him to clean up this mess” he had one hand on your back and the other on your waist.

“You know he doesn't listen to you” you smile.

“Now he will listen to me”

“Hey, relax, Cross. Nothing happened to me and luckily I didn't hit my right foot”

“Are you sure you're okay?”

“I am now” you give him a kiss on the corner of his lips.

You slowly separate from him to start walking again and he follows close behind, now resting a hand on your back. As you sat up in your bed, you see Crosshair leave the room for a moment to return with what appeared to be an injection, it was the same type as the one Tech gave you to relieve your pain yesterday.

“Hey, are you sure… that's necessary?” you get a little nervous.

“Although you can walk decently, I'm not going to risk it. Tech told me to give you this in case I can see that your foot is giving you a lot of trouble”

“I… Fine, fine”

“Don't move”

Before you knew it, he gave you that injection and you complain because it hurt just a little. You knew that with that your pain would be more acceptable, and in a way you liked watching Crosshair take care of you. He was always so serious, so disinterested in most things that seeing him like that made you feel lucky to have him.

“See? It wasn't that bad” he said.

“Yeah… Actually, you were more careful than Tech”

“Because it's you”

You get out of bed, so Crosshair raises an eyebrow, and you move a little closer to hug him, resting your face on his shoulder.

“Did you get out of bed just to hug me?”

“Yes” you were smiling.

“It wasn't necessary"

“It is for me. I may have been unlucky yesterday and today in terms of my foot, but I'm actually very lucky and it's because I have you”

“You are more sentimental every day, or does this hug have another intention?”

“... No. What makes you think that?“

"I don't know, maybe because you have your hands resting on my ass?”

Indeed in the hug you had both your hands resting on Crosshair's butt.

“Hey, you did the same thing before when you caught me from falling to the floor. And you thought you were subtle” you said.

“Ha. Who said I wanted to be subtle?”

Crosshair's eyes widen for a moment when you give his ass a squeeze, and he clearly blushes. You break away with an amused smile and chuckle a little at the look on his face.

“I'm not subtle either" you said.

“Uh-huh. You are worse than me” he runs a hand over his butt, since you gave it a hard squeeze.

“I learned from the best"

You were about to sit on the bed again, but Crosshair stopped you by grabbing your waist and forces you closer to him to finally kiss you. You obviously reciprocate and rest your hands on his shoulders. Your foot luckily didn't hurt at all, so you continued kissing him, and you smile in the middle of the kiss when you feel his hands now resting on your butt.

“Never change, Cross” you told him after breaking away from the kiss.

“Very well. But don't regret saying that later” he smiles.

You laugh and kiss him again. When you break away from the kiss to catch your breath, you force Crosshair to lie on his back on the bed, and you climb on top of him so that you can kiss again, now with more passion.  

[the-dream-team]

hi dylan! i've seen you around a lot but never interacted with your posts before (a tragic error) so i wanted to remedy that by saying that 'July' was very beautiful and utterly perfect!

P.S. I've heard some mumblings about Shirtless James May 👀👀 here is my formal request for you to participate 😂

Oh my gosh, hi! I’ve definitely seen your username around, so it’s lovely to finally say hello :) That’s so sweet, I’m glad you liked July- it was very fun to write! And you know what else was fun to write? This ridiculous one shot for Shirtless JP May, dedicated you, @sunshine-marauders <3

Three Times Lily Evans Did NOT Want to See James Potter Shirtless and One Time She Most Certainly Did

***

“Mr. Potter, please put your trousers back on, my boy!”

“Sir, I would, but there’s just no way of telling if this potion might be poisonous, and I’d rather play it safe.”

Lily’s eyes narrowed as she shrugged off her own robes, now covered head to toe in acidic slime from the Dungbomb that had just exploded in her and Sev’s cauldron. The purple liquid smelled something foul, but there was nothing poisonous about what was once a perfectly brewed Sleeping Draught. James Potter knew that, but he’d stripped down to his pants regardless. 

“Really, Professor Slughorn, I don’t mind,” Potter continued while he sauntered back to his own workstation, bare chest puffed out as though he wasn’t practically nude in the middle of the damn classroom. His display garnered a collection of giggles from around the dungeons and a wolf whistle from Remus. “And who am I to deny my fellow third years of this view?”

Lily scoffed. She couldn’t speak for her classmates, but she knew her own view consisted of scrawny limbs, knobbly knees, and the most insufferable smirk known to wizardkind. And when he turned to her with fingers running through his hair and an infuriatingly pointed look in her direction, Lily balled her hands into fists, nails digging into her palms to keep herself from reaching out to smack that stupid grin and those lopsided glasses clean off his face.

***

“There’d better be a good explanation for this, Potter.”

“It kills me, Evans, because there is an excellent explanation for our current predicament- one that I think you’d find admirable and impressive- but unfortunately we’re sworn to secrecy, so you’ll just have to assign us detentions and continue on with your rounds for the night.”

Lily turned, exasperated, to Remus, whose Prefect’s badge looked awfully heavy on his robes that night. He didn’t meet her eye, instead focusing on his three naked friends standing before them in the middle of the first floor corridor. Well, mostly naked. Each of the fifth year Gryffindor boys held strategically placed Shrivelfig leaves to cover their most intimate areas, but only Peter looked as though that protection was a matter of life or death. Sirius stood as casually as he always did, completely unphased to find himself caught clothesless in the middle of the night, and James somehow looked more confident than usual (if that was even possible) with his chest on full display. He seemed to be strategically flexing every Quidditch-trained muscle as he grinned down at her with that pointed look she’d become far too familiar with. She spent every last drop of concentration keeping her eyes locked on James’ face to avoid any potential… drifting. 

“Did you have any luck?” said Remus after a moment. Lily whipped around in shocked betrayal. He couldn’t possibly approve of this behaviour?

“Not this time,” Sirius responded, “but I got bloody close. Don’t think having clothes makes a difference, but it was worth trying.”

“I’d say we should be on track to making it work before the end of the month,” added James, his crooked grin turning into a proper smile. 

Remus’ eyes sparkled. “Holy shit, that’s brilliant.”

Lily let out a frustrated grunt before turning on her heel to storm away from the disrobed boys and her fellow Prefect, upset that Remus wouldn’t take their duties seriously, but thankful to be out of sight from James’ sharp gaze, finally able to let the blush she’d been desperately fighting back escape across her cheeks.

***

“I’m sorry, Evans, but I don’t make the rules. You’ve got to lose an article of clothing or else you’ll have to forfeit.”

“That’s bollocks, Black, you literally came up with the idea for Strip Exploding Snap this evening.” 

The sixth years were circled up around the Common Room’s fireplace, loose socks and sweaters littering the floor, a half-empty bottle of stolen Firewhisky passing around from hand to hand. If it weren’t for Mary’s ridiculous crush on Sirius, Lily would never have found herself anywhere near this kind of event, but she’d decided to be a good friend, and now she was down to an undershirt and knickers. It was unclear whether her face burned red from the whiskey or the nerves. 

“Look, Evans,” Sirius continued with an air of indifference, “if you’re not going to participate, you can just put your cards back in the pile-”

“I’ll do it for her!” James nearly shouted as he jumped up from his seat, swaying slightly. His eyes as glossy as the crooked glasses falling down his nose. He reached for the collar of his white t-shirt, grabbing hold to pull it over his head, but a competitive rush propelled Lily to her feet. 

“No!” she protested before the shirt could make its way too far up James’ stomach. He froze in place, peering over the fabric at her in confusion. “You can’t just play for me, Potter, that’s not fair. I want to win on my own.”

“Really, Evans, I don’t mind,” laughed James, finally following through to remove the shirt completely. His glasses came off in the process, stuck in the fabric, and Lily nearly choked as her mouth went dry at the full sight of him, broader and fuller than she’d remembered. Had she ever seen him without his glasses before? His face as naked as his torso? She needed another drink. 

“I’m not going to let you cheat,” she said, actually stomping her foot in the process. And to prove the dedication to her claims, she stripped down to her bra and sent James her most determined, pointed stare. His glasses made their way back to his face so fast, he nearly poked his eye out. “Now, put your shirt back on, Potter, or I’ll come over there and do it myself.”

“That’s not the threat you think it is, Evans,” he breathed, nearly choking on his words. 

Lily thought her leaping heart must be horribly visible through her exposed skin.

“Do you both need the rest of us to leave?” chimed in Sirius, throwing Lily from her rapidly spiraling thoughts. 

She immediately sat back down, throwing James his shirt in the process, desperately trying to contain the butterflies threatening to escape through her throat. His shirt never made it back over his head and the rest of the night no longer passed in minutes, but instead in glances stolen from across the room.

***

“Whatever is the problem, Miss Evans, my dear?”

“Sir, I accidentally spilled an entire vial of Mermaid venom all over Potter. It’s burned straight through his robes and I’m worried it might be serious. Do you mind if I leave to take him to Madam Pomfrey’s?”

Professor Slughorn fumbled out a concerned response, granting his blessing, and Lily spared no time grabbing James by the wrist to drag him out of the classroom and through the dungeons. His eyes were wide as he studied the golden liquid eating through the fabric of his sweater. “Is this poisonous?” he asked, fingers fumbling with his deteriorating uniform. 

Lily spun around with emerald fire behind her eyes. “It is,” she responded, stopping him in his tracks as they turned a corner. “So we ought to play it safe and get these off you.”

She watched his eyes flash with sudden realization before she pulled off his sweater and made quick work of the buttons on his shirt.

The knowing grin that broke out across James’ face sent waves of elation through her heart, radiating out to find him again and pull him down to her. Their mouths met with smiling lips and heavy sighs, eager to reconnect after what felt like ages apart, but in reality, couldn’t have been more than an hour. 

“What did I do to deserve this?” James asked through jagged breaths as he grabbed for the door handle to the nearest broom closet, dragging Lily in after him by the waist. 

“You gave me that look,” she said, laughing slightly as she moved her hands up his warm skin to comb through his tousled hair. “That bloody pointed look you get that drives me crazy.” She kissed him and he deepened it before pausing. 

“Wait. You poisoned me because I looked at you?”

“I spilled poison on you because I wanted to get your shirt off.”

He beamed, his smile brightening the dim, crowded cupboard as he brought his hands up to hold her face. “Well, in that case, who am I to deny you this view?”

She scoffed. Then kissed him again.

[maybe-theres-hope]

Those Four Words

So yeah I JUST finished Desperate Measures and I literally had to get this out before I could sleep. 

5.03 Coda | 1.6k | Summary: How I would love to see them get their shit together. Title from the episode, referring to Eddie saying “We need to talk” because YES YOU FUCKING DO. *puts on clown nose*

Buck finds Eddie sulking on the bench in the locker room. Because this was becoming a pretty common occurrence as of late, he takes it on himself to do the best friend thing he always does, and walks in to sit beside him. 

The fact that Eddie doesn’t automatically look up at him with annoyance--like he has most of the time Buck has done this in the past few weeks, when they both know what the conversation is going to sound like--is unsettling but not off-putting.

“Hey,” is his opener. Quiet and courteous of Eddie’s obvious pain. Buck’s good at this best friend thing. Had a lot of practice lately.

He gets nothing in reply for long, long moments. He waits it out. Eddie’s a closed-off guy at the best of times, but when he’s hurting, it’s like a steel wall is up between him and the world. Buck’s taken a sledgehammer to that wall a few times and it hasn’t ended pretty. Lately he’s been just simply knocking at it, hoping the man on the other side can hear that he’s not alone. That’s all he can do. 

Then, “I broke up with Ana. Like. Officially.”

Buck is quiet for a moment. “Was there an...unofficial breakup before that?”

“I don’t know. Probably when I panicked twice in front of her at the mere mention of us as a family. Think that set off a few warning bells in her.”

Buck very carefully remains silent. 

“Well, actually. I don’t know if it did because...she was pretty devastated when I told her it wasn’t going to work. Like she didn’t see it coming after all.”

“What did you tell her? At the official breakup, I mean.” Buck doesn’t move, doesn’t speak above a low tone that barely breaches the two-foot divide between them. 

“Not the truth, that’s for damn sure. But. Something maybe close to it.” Eddie still hasn’t looked at him. His hand is half-over his eyes, fingers pressing at his temples like he’s trying to stave off a migraine. Buck’s presence is sometimes migraine inducing, he knows, but he doesn’t think he’s ever done it to Eddie.

...Maybe?

Nah. 

Hopefully not.

“What’s...something like the truth?” he asks.

“Basically that I thought I could grow to love her eventually. I tried hard to do that, but...it’s never going to happen. I know it’s not.”

Buck remains silent, waiting.

“She...she’s not stupid. She figured out that what was sending me into...whatever was happening to me--”

Buck very pointedly does not point out that what was happening were full blown panic attacks, Eddie--

“--was triggered by the thought of a future with her. It’s not even that she’s a bad prospect. She’s perfect, actually. In every way except that she’s not... Nevermind.”

“So, she was good with Christopher, right? I mean, you said she was--” Buck’s concern is hard to hide. If she did anything to hurt Christopher or make him feel...any type of way, Buck will be livid. But he doesn't think that’s the case. He even likes Ana. She’s nice, friendly, caring. She’s just...

“She’s just not for me.”

Buck can clearly see this is distressing Eddie to the nth degree, but he doesn’t know how to fix it. He’s never had to save a relationship before. And is that what he should be doing? Sure, he’s great at this best friend thing and he wants his friend to be happy--more than anything in the world--but he’s at a loss as to what the actual problem is here.

“But Eddie, you said yourself she’d make a great mother for Chr--”

“He doesn’t need another mother! He had one, and she’s gone. He doesn’t need another.” The raised voice makes Buck pause for a moment. It’s the loudest either of them have spoken the entire time, and he’s sure it has a lot to do with the Shannon of it all, but...it doesn’t seem like that’s the whole thing. 

“I don’t know why I tried to force it. I knew it wasn’t going to work from day one. But she’s just...she was the best alternative.”

“Alternative to what? Eddie, what--”

“I’m in love with someone else! Okay? And I know I should have told her that, but I couldn’t. I can’t even...” he cuts himself off with a huff, but for the first time, he looks up to meet Buck’s gaze. His eyes are shining, but he’s not sad. He’s frustrated. Buck’s learned to tell the difference over the years. 

Best friend and all.

He weighs his options, because this is brand new information to him, which is saying something, and he’s not quite sure where to go from here.

Sure, he absolutely knows where he wants this to go, but. He’s also learned over the years that that’s just...not in the cards. Not for Buck, anyway.

Finally, he opens his mouth again. “I...didn’t know you were seeing anyone else besides Ana. Thought you two were, like, a serious thing.” Understatement of the year. How on earth was Eddie seeing someone that Buck didn’t know about? They practically lived out of each other’s pockets half the time. 

Eddie huffs out a small, horrible laugh. “I’m not. Seeing anyone. In that sense, anyway. Though we do see a lot of each other. A disgusting amount, if I’m being honest.” The laugh he lets out here is not horrible. It’s almost...fond. 

“O...kay.” Somewhere inside, Buck’s heart falters. “So, what’s the problem? Do they...not feel the same way?”

Another huff of a laugh. “Dunno. I never asked.” Eddie’s back to rubbing his temples again, almost hiding his face on purpose. 

“Alright, well, that should probably be step one.” Buck can’t keep the hint of scolding out of his tone, but he can see that it makes Eddie smile. “I can help you, if you want?”

This makes Eddie smile even wider, but it turns sad in an instant. “I know you would. But you can’t.”

Buck takes a moment--or several--to consider himself. To weigh all his options and arrive at a logical and sensible conclusion.

Who is he kidding? Buck opens his mouth on impulse, praying to every deity he’s ever heard of that he’s not wrong and he’s not about to ruin everything.

“I can try.” Another small laugh from Eddie in response, a hopeless, resigned one. “Eddie.” When he gets no reaction, he tries again. He really needs eye contact for this, no matter how much he knows Eddie hates it during emotional conversations. “Eddie.”

Slowly, Eddie’s eyes meet his. Buck goes for broke. 

“Step one. Ask.”

Eddie stares at him for a moment, no discernible change in his features. Buck’s eyes plead with him. And then, it’s like Buck can watch the switch flip behind his eyes. When he catches up to what’s being said here. 

Buck holds his breath for what feels like ages and feels his skin grow cold with shame because he was wrong, he was wrong, he was so so wrong--

“Are--” Eddie begins, strained. Buck’s heart stops. “Are we--” Buck’s sure his heart can’t actually stop twice, but it definitely does at this addition. 

His eyes are glued to Eddie’s, though. Like magnets. Pulling in the only direction they can ever go. The way the universe wills them. 

Eddie seems to come back to himself for a moment, flicking his eyes to the glass. Buck’s eyes tear themselves away to look at what’s caught his attention. The entire B shift and some of the A are still milling around outside. 

“Are we really going to do this here?” is the question Eddie actually poses to him. But, when Buck’s eyes snap back to their target, he sees something that kickstarts his heart again, and he lets out the breath he’d been deliberately holding for the last 45 seconds, give or take. Eddie’s tiny, timid smile seals the deal. 

“We could go to my place?” Buck offers. Tries desperately not to think about what could happen. What he wants to happen. 

“I need to get home to Christopher.” Eddie’s standing, grabbing his duffel. Buck’s nodding, because yeah, that’s true. He scrubs his mind of the...thoughts that were just playing through it.

“And so do you,” is what’s tacked onto the end, just thrown out there, like it’s the most normal, logical thing in the world. Eddie’s face is still a little timid when Buck looks up, but his own face must give away his heart because Eddie’s smile after that is radiant. He hands Buck his own bag, also giving him a hand up off the bench.

Yeah, his legs are a little wobbly. Good best friend actions, Eddie. Thanks. 

Though. Buck doesn’t know if that term still applies. Are they friends? Are they more now? But they haven’t talked about anything so, like, they’re not anything yet, right? But Eddie said he was in love with--

His thoughts halt when Eddie lands a small kiss to his lips, there and gone again in a nanosecond and wow, that had no right to be as earth-shattering as it was, it was just a peck, for Christ’s sake, and--

“Buck. Get your shit and lets go, yeah?”

“Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.” Smooth. 

But Eddie’s smiling. For real this time. Buck will take that.

lbr, the show wouldn’t acknowledge Taylor during this conversation. It’d be wrapped up the next episode and she would storm out and never be heard from again. Definitely NOT how I’d want that to go, but. We all know it would. *honks clown nose*

[rebrandedbard]

I’d love to see what you do with 27 and geraskier 😂

I took your prompt and ran in a completely different direction. Still funny moments in there lol

WC: 1434

27. “I’m pregnant.”

Pixie Pranks

Jaskier won’t shut up. He will not shut up. Days into a hunt and he can’t sit still or keep a thought to himself for five minutes. Geralt is very tired.

-

“For fuck’s sake!” Geralt shouted. He couldn’t stand it another minute. It had been going on and on for days without end by this time, dawn to dusk. Even in sleep, Jaskier was humming and grunting out snatches of melodies, so that Geralt could not get a moment’s reprieve. It was like nothing he’d ever known, this never-ending noise!

“I can’t help it!” Jaskier said, rather a bit too cheerfully for Geralt’s exasperated state. “I’m pregnant. My head is bursting with ideas, my throat swelling with the strain of holding them all in! I must give birth to this song, so tenderly incubated in the bowels of my soul, so thoughtfully enriched by the sweet nourishment of life: the mother’s milk of experience. By the—”

Geralt clapped a hand over his mouth abruptly, aborting the next metaphor before it breached. “Enough! Not one more word,” he growled. “Next it’ll be ‘the virginal innocence’ that granted you inspiration, or ‘the cock seed of curiosity.’ I’d rather things not get to that vulgar point.”

Jaskier snorted through his nose, looking all too delighted at Geralt’s rude metaphors. Geralt could see the note tuck itself away in his head for future reference. He sighed and pushed Jaskier’s head away. He stalked back to his side of camp and flopped upon his bedroll. He was exhausted; it was midmorning and they hadn’t even broken camp.

Cautiously, Jaskier crept up to his side and crouched at his head. “Is something the matter, Geralt?” he asked.

“Yes. You’re even noisier than usual. If you’re not singing or humming or whistling, you’re snapping your fingers and bouncing on your heels, tapping your feet, knocking on your lute.”

“I can’t seem to help it.” And there he was, drumming his hands on his knees. “There’s something itching at the back of my mind. I swore I’d be done with it days ago. I’d been on the verge of finishing the verse when we first set off to deal with these pixies—(or was it faeries? What is the difference between a pixie and a fairy? Is it something to do with the wings, or perhaps the coloring and size?)—but anyway, I nearly had it then, but it’s as if the verse was snatched from me. It’s killing me! I’ll be driven mad until I can figure it out. It was the perfect rhyme, too.”

He’d be driven mad? Geralt was neck-deep in madness already. Jaskier could hardly keep to one point without diving off into another. It was no wonder he could not finish his damn song. He lacked the focus to finish a sentence, let alone a verse. In addition, they’d never found the pixies. They were somewhere in these woods, Geralt knew, for his medallion was constantly buzzing like the hum of an irritating insect that would not subside. It all compounded together into one fine headache, and he couldn’t stand it anymore!

Geralt groaned and dragged his hands over his face. “Shut up,” he begged. “For the love of all that is good in this world, shut up. Shut—up!”

“Oh, I do beg your pardon!” Jaskier huffed. “It’s not as if I can help it. I’m a bard, Geralt, and composing is a large part of what we do. Why, if I did not compose, I’d have nothing to sing, and with nothing to sing I should have no livelihood, and without that, well, how should I live? Would you wish me dead, dear friend? Poor, lonely, destitute Jaskier! Can you imagine, me, become naught but a desperate vagabond, left to my own defenses to st—”

Once more, Geralt sat up. He curled an arm around Jaskier’s head, putting him in a lock as he slapped a hand over his mouth. He yanked Jaskier down onto his chest, caged his arms, and forced him to stop his tapping. For extra measure, he rolled the two of them face down upon the mat and let Jaskier take the full weight of him.

“For five minutes,” Geralt said. “That’s all I’m asking. I will pay you to keep quiet for five minutes, sitting perfectly still. And if you won’t I’ll bundling you up in your bedroll and toss you into the river, let you float back to Moën by yourself.”

And for a moment, that seemed to do the trick. Geralt counted five seconds … ten … then Jaskier began to squirm. The medallion vibrated between them and Geralt bolted to his feet, searching the trees around them. The pixies!

Jaskier started up speaking before even taking a proper breath, words strained in a mad rush. “I will not stand for this abuse of artistry and this brutish handling of my person with so little regard for how I may even breathe with you pressing me into the earth like the trunk of a hundred-year-old redwood tree!” He gasped, breathing deep on empty lungs, and his teeth chattered. He made a strange sound, like a person speaking backward: on the inhale, the most unnatural way. When he spoke again, he seemed several lines ahead of himself, off on a tangent about the difference between redwood and sycamore, evergreens and pine, whether or not pine was an evergreen, and if evergreen was a classification of tree or a species in and of itself.

The medallion’s hum quieted as Jaskier resumed his normal speaking pace. Geralt looked at Jaskier and understood. “You’re enchanted,” he said.

Jaskier stopped and turned to look round at Geralt. “Thank you. First nice thing you’ve said to me all day. Now if I might have an apology for the way you so rudely keep interrupting me, then we might be getting somewhere. As for my question of the evergreen—”

“No, you’re enchanted. Bespelled.”

“Bes—bespelled? Oh fuck, have I been cursed with something? But why? By whom? Why is it these things always happen to me anyhow? If it’s not one thing, it’s another, and more often than not, it’s a curse of the most horrible nature. I’ve half a mind to—”

“Here,” Geralt grunted. “Maybe this will shut you up.”

Geralt lifted the medallion over his head. He walked back to Jaskier and put the medallion around his neck. It still hummed, but more quietly, and Jaskier found, for the first time in days, that his fingers lay still, his foot did not tap, and the words died on his lips.

Jaskier stood in stunned silence as the medallion shook on his chest. He picked it up, eyes wide. “I … ” he trailed. But he did not know what to say.

Geralt sighed, his shoulders going slack. “The spell is still there, but this will relieve you of the effects until we can find those pixies. Their enchantments are weak: annoying party tricks. The silver of the medallion is enough to mute it for now.”

He’d been following the medallion in search of the pixies all this time, but they’d played a clever trick in enchanting Jaskier, turning him in the wrong direction, making him chase after the bard’s magic instead of theirs. He had to admire their originality.

Jaskier stared at the medallion, his face slightly flushed. “Is it really alright to wear this?” he asked very quietly.

Geralt shrugged. “If it means I can get an hour of sleep,” he answered. He lay back down on his bedroll and closed his eyes. “We’ll break camp at lunch and continue our search. When we find those pixies, we’ll get you fixed. For now, try to ignore the vibration as best you can.”

Jaskier let the medallion fall to his chest once more with a smile. Slowly, he sat at the edge of Geralt’s roll, back to him, admiring the bit of silver. “It’s like the purr of a cat,” he said. “Or a tuning fork laid on a hollow box. It’s marvelous.” He tucked it under his shirt, lips quirking slightly. “Kind of tickles,” he chuckled.

Geralt covered his mouth a third time and pulled him down sideways onto his chest. “Please. Just one hour of silence,” he mumbled, giving the top of Jaskier’s head a warning dig with his knuckles. When he removed his hands, Jaskier did not rise, but remained as he was. Geralt gave his shoulder a pat to signal he was free to get up, but Jaskier stayed, relaxing under Geralt’s arm. If Geralt let his arm drape around him, well, he was tired, and Jaskier made an excellent arm rest.

“I’m keeping this,” Jaskier whispered.

Geralt snorted. “Keep dreaming,” he replied.

[chaozsilhouette]

Moonlit Musings

The night is such a perfect time to face one’s darkest truths. Shrouded in the moon’s light what can one do but admit to their flaws. It can be a time of rejuvenation and rebirth, only if you let it.

§~~~~§~~~~§~~~~§

It was a quiet night.

The full moon hung high in the heavens accompanied by millions of stars. Not a cloud to be seen, an ideal night for passions to run wild. Normally people would be taking out their telescopes or arranging romantic picnics.

Sadly, nights like these only filled Sun Wukong with dread. It was a night like this when he was finally able to return after the Journey. That was the night he learned he had lost a precious treasure.

When he returned, he expected to be greeted by his subjects until Macaque showed himself. He expected to be strangled as the pale furred monkie admonished him for his recklessness. He expected to watch as fury transformed into tearful joy as they embraced one another for the first time in over five hundred years.

But that wasn’t what happened.

The moment he set foot back onto Flower Fruit Mountain, he sensed something was very wrong. Like his previous return trips, his subjects greeted him with loud celebrations. The new mothers showed off their infants. The young ones wasted no time climbing all over him, taking in the scent of their king.

The immortal elders, however, looked concerned.

That was when he realized Macaque’s scent on the mountain was far too faint. Even the magical signature of his clones no longer felt fresh.

Macaque was nowhere to be found. The monkeys reported Macaque had returned a few years after he stopped by the mountain earlier in the Journey but not as his usual self. He didn’t respond to any of their questions. He didn’t even take time to check in on the infants. He didn’t say a word.

He just entered the mansion, but no one saw him leave.

Entering the mansion, Wukong dashed to their room desperate for answers. Opening the doors, he saw the room was horribly empty, sure all of his belonging were exactly as he remembered them, but all of Macaque’s stuff was gone. Macaque’s closet was empty and all his books had vanished. Despite his desperate hopes, there wasn’t any signs of a struggle or hidden messages to be found.

Macaque left of his own free will, but why?

He couldn’t bring himself to sleep in the bed they shared so many nights together. Every time he dared, he awoke expect to be greeted with the comforting warmth of familiar presence, instead he opened his eyes to a cold emptiness.

The lack of answers broke his heart, but he didn’t have time to start tearing the landscape apart trying to find him. Now that he was back for good, he had so many responsibilities to catch up on. He was determined to be a good king for his subjects and that meant ughthinking things through. Plus, he wanted to spend as much time with his master and brothers as possible.

Then there was the concerning fact all his previous allies had severed their alliance with him.

Apparently after all the fuss with the Demon Bull King, word had spread that Wukong broke their alliance by disrespecting protocol and attacking the royal family. Plus, his new position as a defender of humanity annoyed more than a few respectable demons. Combined with the sheer number of powerful demons he killed on the Journey cemented the idea that having an alliance with him would only end poorly.

He was banned from court meetings and the other kings in the surrounding areas wanted nothing to do with him. The chaotic nature of his past had finally caught up to him and in the worst possible way.

He was still recognized as the Monkey King of the Sun Court but was effectively blacklisted. No one wanted to mess with him, but they also didn’t want to interact with him. Not good for his mental health to say the least.

Simians are naturally social creatures. Wukong was used to constantly being around other people and learning new things. His time imprisoned was not kind. His first year of freedom had him constantly climbing over his brothers and master just to reassure himself that this was real.

And now that he couldn’t reconnect with old faces unless it was through a battle to the death…It forced him to delve into old memories. Memories that while sweet only made the emptiness more pronounced.

§~~~~§~~~~§~~~~§

Sun Wukong smiled as he watched Macaque’s reaction.

The six-eared monkie was furiously pinching the bridge between his eyebrows after he shattered a boulder with a careless headbutt as though it would make his life mercifully easier. “You’ll have to explain it to me again. What did you mean by ‘no longer under Yama’s jurisdiction’?”

“Exactly what I said. I was napping. Having some time to myself, when out of nowhere some idiots tried to take my soul to the afterlife.” Wukong explained as though having entities of death rip out your soul to drag it to the underworld was no big deal.

“Bet you weren’t happy.” Macaque couldn’t help but smirk at the flippant tone. He just made it so difficult to stay mad.

“Not in the slightest. I barged my way to the top brass, bunch of cowards called the Ten Kings (totally undeserved titles by the way) and demanded what the fuck was going on.” He was still ticked off even if the payoff was sweet. Seriously! Did immortality mean nothing to these cowards? They couldn’t even play it off as him dying in battle. He was in the peak of his youth! “Can you believe they tried to play it off as a misunderstanding? Should have smacked the loudmouth when I was there.”

“So, through a series of ridiculous events, you erased your name from the records of the dead.” Macaque could easily piece together the rest from there. No matter how ridiculous the odds. He learned never to bet against his friend when a problem could be handled with brute strength or intimidation. If it didn’t look like such an answer was possible, clearly, they hadn’t experienced the force of a determined Wukong. Something about facing a ticked off monkie of practically infinite strength and invulnerability left harden conquerors pissing themselves.

It was hilarious.

“Not just mine. In my infinite wisdom, I erased the names of several of the monkey inhabitants of esteemed Flower Fruit Mountain, including yours.” Wukong playfully booped Macaque’s nose.

Turning away to hide a light blush, Macaque scoffed to cover his embarrassing response. “Typical. I can’t leave you alone for five minutes without you doing something insane.”

“I know. I’m just that awesome.”

“So what? Are we now double immortal?” That was the question wasn’t it. Due to their master’s instructions, they were immortal and ageless, so what exactly would this give them? He didn’t feel any different. He couldn’t sense any new powers or changes in his instincts.

His counterpart, however, had other things on his mind. “Who cares. All I know is that those idiots have no control over our souls anymore.” And with that the King took his rightful place across Macaque’s lap as the other returned to his scrolls.

Wukong instead took the time to examine his friend, who finally gained enough confidence to fully drop his glamour and embrace his true appearance.

He still couldn’t believe Macaque actually had six ears. The weird part was how natural they looked, almost as if seeing him with only two was bizarre. The coolest part was how each pair softly glowed a different color. Blue. Purple. Red. Sometimes Wukong would just stare at them, imagining that he could see glittering stars emanating from that glow.

Suddenly those magnificent ears twitched. Macaque didn’t bother looking up from the bamboo scroll. “A trespasser...multiple, boar and vulture demon. Another hunting party”.

“Again. Ugh. Don’t these idiots ever give up!” Don’t get him wrong, Wukong loved a good fight. What better way to prove how superior you are to others than to steal what’s most precious to them? But even he was starting to grow bored with the sheer number of hunters that thought kidnapping his subjects was a quick cash grab.

After the fifth army he returned in pieces to the surrounding upstart lords, you’d think they’d take a hint.

Thankfully he wasn’t the only powerhouse on the mountain. “I haven’t tasted blood in a while. Why don’t I defend the kingdom while your highness enjoys a show?” Macaque set aside his reading material, eyes glittering with bloodlust.

Wukong returned the smirk with one of his own. “I’m always up for a good thrashing. One request: make it glorious.”

“Don’t I always.” Macaque joked as he retrieved his spear from his own shadow.

Wukong summoned his cloud and claimed a good vantage point. Once again, he marveled at his friend’s hearing. Judging by the distance it would have been at least three hours before he would have detected their presence.

Kicking back, he transformed some hair into a fruit platter and waited for the screams.

§~~~~§~~~~§~~~~§

To this day, Wukong knew Macaque was alive. Thanks to his efforts combined with the intense training, the monkie was double immortal. Besides, that monkkie was way too stubborn to die. He would survive purely on spite if he had to.

Macaque left, but why?

While he may have effectively isolated himself, that didn’t mean he didn’t hear about the other courts. A few centuries ago, he heard rumors about the formation of a new court by someone under the title of the Macaque King. Supposedly they were a powerful monkie who knew way more than he had the right to. For a brief moment, Wukong dared to hope it was his old friend, but it didn’t last. The few recounts he caught described him with black fur. Besides, he knew how much Macaque hated the title of King. Even when Wukong offered him the position as co-ruler of his kingdom, the pale monkie adamantly refused.

Still, he was curious.

For a few weeks he could have sworn he detected a familiar scent hiding underneath Mk’s. And he wasn’t the only one who noticed. A few of the immortal monkeys questioned him on the mango infused scent and what his plans were. It was almost too much to take in.

To think he returned to teach his student instead of showing his face. It hurt just to think about it. He chose to ignore the beckoning scent until it became impossible to ignore MK’s leap in progress. Then it just vanished like it hadn’t been testing his patience. Like it hadn’t brought him to the brink of shaking the kid upside down until he confessed where his old friend was hiding. The kid probably grew wise, or someone told him to change his bathing habits, and by the next training session it was all but gone.

Dragging his hand down his face, Wukong tried to reevaluate his thoughts.

Getting mad at the kid wasn’t going to solve anything. He knew he hadn’t been the most attentive master. Hell, the whole hammer exercise at its core was a desperate attempt to remove a painful reminder of better times. His master would be disappointed in how he was running away from his problems, but would encourage him to take the steps to be better. Zhu Bajie would be a sarcastic little shit, trying to get him riled up so the monkie would prove him wrong. Sha Wujing would sit him down and wouldn’t let him leave until they talked everything through.

He had to make things right with the kid. He deserved a better master. And this New Years he was gonna get one.

He spoke, praying the winds would carry his voice to his Warrior.

“Macaque. I know it’s been a while, but…I-I want to talk. I know you’re out there, somewhere I can’t reach. I miss sparring with you. I miss lazy days napping in the shade by your side. I miss defending the mountain as we held contests to see who could take out the most trespassers before their common sense kicked in. I miss you. Please come home.”

§~~~~§~~~~§~~~~§

The moon was high in the sky. Stars danced in the heavens as the faintest hints of vibrations pulsed through the concrete from the late-night dance clubs. MK lay awake, his mind struggling to make sense of it all.

Ever since Macaque disappeared in order to remain undetected, he kept thinking about his relationship with the Monkey King. Sure, he was being trained and he was definitely making progress. The monkie was still on his case for supposedly cheating on him with another mentor. Nothing MK said or did could make the monkie think otherwise. Thankfully, he was no longer shooting him suspicious glares, but the underlying tension remained.

The sad truth is they just weren’t that close.

He would have expected to learn more about the Monkey King on a personal and emotional level, but he just couldn’t get past that wall. Their training sessions felt more like just the Monkey King arranged just to get it over with. There was no passion at all.

Okay, perhaps that last bit was an exaggeration.

When you peered past the arrogance and pride, you found one socially awkward monkie. It was similar to Red Son the more he thought about it, both seemed to find it difficult to talk to or relate to others in a friendly setting. Sure, Monkey King projected a friendly demeanor and called him “bud”, but if he didn’t know any better he could have sworn the monkie was afraid to take that final step.

The last few sessions had taken a bit of a turn in a positive direction as Sandy would say. Maybe Monkey King decided it was time to make a change? Maybe this was all a trick so MK would lower his guard and reveal Macaque’s identity? Maybe he was just tired and should have conked out an hour ago?

Maybe.

Reality was so different from the legends. When Tang first introduced him to the Monkey stories, he was hooked. He loved listening to the tales of the infamous trickster that flipped off every major religious figure with unbridled confidence. Meeting the Great Sage in the flesh was like a dream come true until he was exposed to the King’s less pleasant tendencies.

Mk couldn’t help but wonder just how much confidence the Monkey King had in his training skills. Did he ever train someone before? Could MK talk to someone about this without appearing even more ungrateful than he already looked? Why didn’t he stop Red Son from unsealing his father when he was there? Why didn’t he simply seal the entire family when they were reunited? Why did the five times immortal sage decide that now he needed to train a disciple? Was Monkey King not telling him something important?

He had so many questions and not even the foggiest idea of where to start looking. Or perhaps he did?

The truth was he missed Macaque. The dark-furred monkie may have only taught him for a month, but the progress he made and the level of care he was exposed to made him feel as though he had finally unlocked the ability to fly.

He missed the regular grooming. He missed learning about the demon community. He missed learning new ways to mess with Red Son through appropriate court manners.

Watching the fire user freeze up at the term “honorable prince of the Iron Bull Court” just made him laugh, when his hair combusted it really matched his face. Now that he thought about it, were those horns starting to peek out of his forehead? And maybe the slightest hint of a tufted tail swiping the bottom of his coat? Seeing the demon frantically compose himself was a treat he didn’t know he needed. He still had the video saved as one of his favorites, didn’t hurt that Mei caught it at the perfect angle.

Oh yeah, he missed that.

With any luck, New Years would be the start of something better.

§~~~~§~~~~§~~~~§

On an island that remained surrounded by unquenchable storms, a single black-furred monkie sat cross-legged in a secluded part attached to the palace. All around him fruit trees and bushes bore a hefty bounty releasing an intoxicating scent of life.

Ears twitched.

Macaque opened his eyes, aroused from his meditation. It was odd. He had the faintest sensation that someone had been talking about him. Now that wasn’t exactly unusual, he made plenty of allies and enemies across the centuries. What was odd was that the voice sounded like someone he once cherished.

But that couldn’t be right.

The deceptive silence of his personal orchard gave him no answers. Not that he really expected it to.

For some reason he refused to identify, Macaque turned to the single peach tree in the grove. A tribute from his past and a reminder of his mistakes. But it was also a valuable resource once he learned the truth about the peach’s properties. He used its powers to protect many happy relationships, if only it could have helped him so long ago.

No matter.

He still had many projects to work on, including one successor just rife with insecurities. He honestly felt bad ducking out as he did. If things were different, he would have offered him a new life. His Stars were always happy to welcome a new member into their budding community.

As a bonus, his presence would have interrupted their constant attempts to set him up with new dates. He adored their efforts but being paired with partners who only wanted power or he would view only as friends was not something he enjoyed. Although watching them mentally destroy those they didn’t find suitable for him was quite entertaining.

Either way, New Years was coming up fast and he still needed to approve a few changes. His Stars were determined to make sure this event topped last years in every way possible, but they had to make sure they didn’t set the orchard on fire again. Or worse, they could launch the fireworks into the storm barrier. He wasn’t sure why or how, but the tornadoes and clouds turned different colors as explosions rang throughout the night.

It was beautiful but lost its charm after the third day.

[colorseeingchick]

Period Pains (Iwa, Suna, Bokuto)

Periods still stuck. Nothing has changed since part one. But these boys continue to comfort me when I feel like my heart, head, and stomach are going to explode :D. I hope they comfort you too!

A/N: It’s been rough homies. It really do be your own body that tries to attack you -_-. 

Warnings: EMETOPHOBIA (in Suna’s there’s a semi detailed description of vomiting); swearing; foot massage in Bokuto’s (Ik that makes some people uncomfy); gym bros. 

Iwaizumi Hajime

It was common knowledge that you and Iwaizumi were two halves of one insane power couple. 

No questions asked, you both were generally independent when it came to taking care of your own matters, and you were both were pretty independent. 

But there were exceptions- moments where you would both lean on each other, using the other as an anchor and a crutch to get back up and stay on your feet. 

Your period was one of those times when times you needed your beloved boyfriend to play that role. 

Today was one of those days. 

You and Iwaizumi head over to the gym at around 6 am to get your early morning workout in before you go through with the rest of your day.

You had told Iwaizumi the night before, and he asked if you still wanted to “go gym” the next morning. 

You said yes, hoping that a solid workout would help with some of the cramps. 

And once you had got there, you had your hopes up. 

The first half of your workout was going really well, and you hadn’t thought of your cramps at all. 

But then it hit you while you were walking over to get your water bottle. 

You didn’t know why, but the cramps hit you hard. Instantly you went to the bathroom to try and compose yourself, but that wasn’t really helping either. 

You didn’t wanna bother Iwaizumi mid workout, so you tried to carry on. 

Unfortunately, that didn’t work out too well. 

As you tried to keep going, the cramps in your stomach got worse and worse, until you were pressing your stomach with your hands, curled over yourself on your yoga mat. 

Taking deep breaths, you tried to relieve the only worsening cramps. 

It wasn’t until a warm, firm hand caressed your back did you look up from your curled up form. 

“1 to 10.” Iwaizumi asks you with a soft voice. 

“4.” You say as you curl into yourself once more. 

It was the pain ranking system that you’d both been using since early on in your relationship. You knew exactly what he meant, and you were honestly thankful that he understood you were in pain by just looking at you. 

“Lying to me doesn’t do any good, ya know.” His words are harsh, yet the concern in his voice kills any intimidation that was supposed to come across. 

“7.” 

“Sounds right.” Iwa’s one arm wraps around you, digging into your side, his thumb massaging circles into the spot right above your left hip, while the other hand rubbed softer circles onto your lower belly. 

You felt your muscles untense as his hands worked away at your cramping stomach with deep pressure only he had the strength to apply. 

“What’s wrong with her?'' 

Both of you look up to see some guy (he seemed like a newbie, neither of you had seen him before) talking to your boyfriend. 

“What.” Iwa’s voice is dry, in shock at the fact that this dude was in your business. 

“Did she injure herself working out or something?” He asks, as if you were incapable of speaking for yourself. “Not being careful in the gym can be really dangerous, especially if you’re not trained.” He speaks in your direction this time. 

Iwaizumi Hajime (27) ATHLETIC TRAINER, now looked like he was ready to commit murder. 

Some of the regulars had now turned to watch, most giving the guy dirty looks.

A couple of you and Iwa’s closer gym bros step towards you both, making some preparations for Iwaizumi to swing. 

But before anyone can really say anything, your voice cuts through. 

“That’s real rich coming from you. The only thing that’s gonna cause an injury is your horrendous deadlift form.” 

Your boyfriend goes from a state of shock into a fit of snickers, the guys on the side also amused. The guy in front of you goes completely red. 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about you bi-” 

“I actually think she’s right. I was a bit worried, too.” One of Iwa’s (very buff) friends stepped forward, smiling at you two before putting a hand a on the newbie’s shoulder. “Let’s go check it out.”

As you sigh out, your boyfriend stares at you with pride and amusement both bright in his eyes. “All that pain and you’re still able to come up with snarky comments.” 

As his hand returns to soothing circular motions, you dig your face into his chest. 

The soft touches from Iwa were enough to ease your pains, and allowed you to embrace your moment of vulnerability with your sweet boyfriend. 

“Let’s dip and get food, okay? And you can just rest at home. You deserve a break.”

“Weren’t you saying something about how the grind doesn’t stop-”

“It stops when your health is on the line. Let’s go.”

Suna Rintarou

When it comes to you being on your period, Suna is by far the most hands off while simultaneously being the most attentive. 

Suna wasn’t necessarily the biggest on PDA. But when it was just you two? He had no problem being all up against you.

The only situation Suna does not know how to navigate is when he can’t read someone’s moods or behaviors. Luckily for him, you were overly clear with his emotions and needs when you were on your period, even if those moods and needs were all over the place. 

Early on, when you got together, he was a bit surprised to see how bad your period could get.

He’d walked in to your room one day to see you in a fetal position, rolling around on the floor.

He’d seen you go a full day of eating only junk food, upset and trying to satiate all your cravings. 

He’d also seen you go without sleep because of how bad your cramps were.

Essentially, he’d learned you’d go through really bad health habits, and he’d assigned himself the roll of trying to make sure you maintained some regularity while on your period. 

He was ready for anything, so ready that he made it look effortless. 

When Suna came back from practice one day, he couldn't find you anywhere in your shared home. Which isn’t a problem, but he doesn’t recall you saying you were going anywhere....

It’s not till he lazily stalks over to the hallway and hears a horrible retching sound that he realizes you are still home. 

Swinging the door open, he finds you perched over the toilet, vomiting in what looks to be a super painful manner. 

“Rin...ta...r-oh fuck” you can barely get his name out before you start throwing up again. 

Your boyfriend takes a step into the bathroom, but you toss an intense ‘no’ his way with your hand. 

“It smells disgusting… and… I don’t want to be smothered right now…” you sigh as you breathe between your bouts of vomiting. 

He takes a deep breath, recomposing himself. He knows your period can get pretty bad, but he hasn’t seen it get this bad in a while. He obliges, but he doesn’t move from the doorway. 

As you start your next fit, Suna’s face remains blank, but his heart twists. 

He slowly approaches you, kneeling beside you. 

“I said to not.. To smother me....” your protest is weakened by your body inhibiting your ability to speak. 

Suna keeps a bit of space between you two, but he gently grabs your hair, pulling strand by strand, until its completely out of your face 

(alternatively, if you have short hair), Suna keeps a bit of space between you two, but he lets his hand gently rest on your back, rubbing in soothing circles . 

Your hand goes up to push him away, but he grabs your fist with his larger hand, weaving his fingers with yours, rubbing his thumb into the back of your hand. 

“I won’t smother, don’t worry. But I’m gonna be here.” He’s soft in his tone, unfazed despite the relative unpleasantness of the situation. 

As you finally stop, you fall back, your hands covering your eyes. 

As you lean back, your body giving out, your head finds its way onto the plush chest of your green eyed boyfriend. He doesn’t touch you, but just acts as a makeshift couch for you to lean on. 

“Rintarou.” “

Yeah?” 

“I need your touch.” 

Your words are blunt but effortlessly received as your boyfriend instinctively wraps his arms around you, languidly stroking your thigh with one hand and holding your stomach with the other. He adjusts you so that you’re pressed up against him. 

“Better, babe?” he asks as he backs up into the wall, loosening up as you relax against him. 

“Mmm.” You croon, sinking down against him. “I should  brush my teeth, I’m sorry you came back to this.”

“It’s fine. Get cleaned up. Wanna watch movies? I got Chinese takeout.” 

“I don’t want Chinese,” you comment.

 “What do you want?” 

“Pizza.” 

“...”

 “...”

 He sighs. “I’ll be back in 20.”

 “I love you.” you smile at him as you tell him what he already knows. 

He presses his nose into your hair, letting your conditioner’s scent fill his nose. “Mmm… and I love you.” 

“How much?” You ask.

“How much do I what?” 

“How much do you love me?” 

“Enough to get you pizza at 10 pm in the pouring rain.” 

“It’s raining??”

“Yeah.”

“...Nevermind I don’t want pizza anymore.”

“Well I want pizza now so I’m going.” He pulls himself up and out of the bathroom despite the way you tried to cling to his leg to keep him from leaving. 

“Rin!”

Bokuto Koutarou

Bokuto is honestly the ideal boyfriend, especially when you are on your period. 

Early in your relationship, when you got on your period, you didn’t tell Bo. But he ended up learning the hard way. 

He’d come back from practice a bit later than usual and didn’t text you. Usually he didn’t, especially if he knew he’d only be a little late. But when he walked through the doors, instead of finding his usually happy, bubbly girlfriend who usually showered him with love, he was greeted with you crying. 

“W-why didn’t-t you text me, Kou? Do you-u not care about me?” 

He had nooo idea what was going on, and he was very panicked and sad. 

He felt like the rug was pulled out from under him when you proceeded to snuggle into his chest 2 minutes later, cries completely stopped. His little owl eyes were wide open and very confused. 

2 days later, he asked about the situation again, scared to bring it up.

But you were really embarrassed as you explained how you were on your period and could get extreme mood swings. You apologized and promised that you’d never do something wild like that again.

But Bo wasn’t content with your answer. 

He went and asked Akaashi if he knew anything about what periods were like (he was shy to ask you). 

Akaashi found the lovely statistic of “period pain being of equal pain levels of a heart attack” and Bokuto lost his shit. “

I’ve never had a heart attack, but they kill people! And they go for the hospital for those! And she apologized for being a little emotional… that doesn’t seem right, right Kaashi?”

Akaashi agrees, of course. And sends Bokuto off with the advice of “she’s always there for you. All you have to do is be there for her.” 

When the next time you had your period rolled around, and you found yourself a little emotional, you did your best to control it. But Bokuto was having none of it. 

“Baby, you don’t have to hide it! You can be emotional!! I don’t mind. You always help me when I’m emotional! I can do the same for you. I’ll take the best care of you, I promise!” 

You would honestly call it a turning point in your relationship, cause this was when you learned to start really depending on Bo. And you realized just how dependable he could really be. 

When Bokuto comes back from practice today, he finds you splayed out on the couch, koala-hugging a pillow, whimpering a “welcome home” between grunts of pain. 

Bokuto stays quiet as he walks up to the couch, dipping down to place a kiss on your cheek before stripping his sweaty t-shirt off as he walks off to take a shower. 

Once he comes out, fresh and clean, he throws on a comfortable t-shirt and shorts before coming back to find you on the couch. 

He grabs your legs, pulls them up, sits down, and then places them in his lap. “Baby, do you want a massage? I can press your legs.” 

“You don’t have to, Kou, it’s okay.” 

“I want to!” He cheers back as he starts to knead at your calves, moving down to your feet and slowly pressing over your socks. 

You sigh and huff, slowly relaxing as the soothing feeling of the pressure applied to your feet counteracts the pain you felt in your lower abdomen. 

While Bokuto concentrates intensely on massaging your calves again, he perks up at the sound of a sniffle.

 Swinging his head, he sees you slowly dissolving into sobs. 

Panicked, he slides your legs onto the couch and comes by your face. 

“Baby, did I press too hard? Did I hurt you? Please tell me.”

“No, no, Kou, you’re fine. I’m just- I’m so lucky and blessed to have such a loving amazing boyfriend~” you get the words out as tears stream down your face, turning to look him in his big, gorgeous, gold eyes. “I don’t deserve you, my love.”

Now, for reasons unknown, Bokuto finds himself crying as well. 

“Why are you crying!” You cry and laugh out at the same time. 

“Because I have such a sweet girlfriend who always showers me in love! Don’t say I don’t deserve you. You’re perfect for me.” 

Cheesy as the exchange was, it was really soft for you. Because you knew Bokuto, and you knew he meant every word exactly as is from the bottom of his heart. 

Crying while your laughs got lighter, you pull him in and kiss him all over his face. 

He laughs too, and holds your face as he pulls away, swiping the tears from under your eyes. “Your turn!!” 

After smothering you with kisses, he picks you up and carries you to your shared bedroom, so he can love on you more, with enough space for both of you to lay next each other and peacefully drift off to sleep. 

A/N: Gym guys who don’t mind their business seriously bother me. I hope you all enjoyed! Requests and commentary are greatly appreciated :D