#a fact house doesn't like to admit because that means vulnerability and yeah

[marc--chilton]

(mgv) what if like. cuddy susses out that when house is on his cycle he's both more erratic AND more controllable?? he's more of a pest (small scale tyranny in the clinic) but if she pulls her voice on him he tones down against his will -- which opens her up for more retaliation pranks later because house HATES the fact he's susceptible to biology like that. BUT if she sends wilson to tame him, house isn't nearly as frustrating afterwards. she gets less complaints about him for a few days, too. cuddy jokes that wilson is her secret weapon against house antics but soon realizes that she can only pull it as a last resort because once it happens, it stirs wilson's hormones and since they're both alphas, they have to have some distance or he'll start growling. everything's back to normal when the cycles pass at least and by that point cuddy is too relieved to question anything (like why their heat/rut absence notices were on her desk the same day)

[angel4astraea]

𝑨𝑳𝑯𝑨𝑰𝑻𝑯𝑨𝑴'𝑺 𝑹𝑬𝑨𝑳𝑰𝑺𝑻𝑰𝑪 𝑳𝑰𝑭𝑬 & 𝑨𝑭𝑭𝑬𝑪𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵𝑺

alhaitham as a partner might be the most confusing thing ever. .

♡ meeting the scholar and scribe of the akademiya wound be purely be for business at first. he's not the type to linger at cafes alone or for leisure often, same with any public place; he'd rather be working, at home where he can read or doing gods know what.

♡ alhaitham isn't known for his affection or anything remotely vulnerable, that's more kaveh's thing. for him, it was his wits and stone faced expression he wears everyday without a moment to breathe. most people i assume wouldn't try to flirt or touch up on him because he'd brush it off or tell the person off.

♡ however, after meeting quite a few times, i believe he'd be open to discussing things in the evenings at a cafe he's specifically used to. anything unknown will feel unsteady and cause him to have cold feet and tight lips. drinking is off the table alongside that, he'd rather keep his brain intact when speaking to a colleague or potential business partner.

♡ i believe that if you're more of an outgoing person like kaveh, he's only going to keep you at an arm's length away. he can't handle overbearing emotions, from what i believe. however if you're like him: composed, logical and possibly having ambitions that are reachable, he's more inclined to allow you into his mind when thinking.

♡ if you do manage to get on his good graces, aka having a good level of trust and reliance for when he needs intel, physical support or general knowledge on topics he hasn't quite covered, that's the beginning of his curiosity about you. he'll observe your actions, sayings and common habits. another thing is that he'll subtly note things he's learnt about you from others mentally. had a rough time with soandso? count yourself lucky because that person will scramble off when they get a whiff of you. somehow, alhaitham knows things better than you . . still.

♡ once he starts watching, he doesn't stop. he keeps a sharp eye on you like an eagle. even if you can protect yourself efficiently, he still feels the need to be on standby. it's almost like he's a shadow himself, lingering here and there where he predicts you'll be. alhaitham does dryly admit to this after a serious occurance happens (which includes eremites and the outskirts of sumeru city). though you might find it unsettling or nerve wracking, he finds his deeds endearing. he wants to make sure you're secure, protected and under his broad wing.

♡ though, if you get past that, he acknowledges that his feelings towards your are actually more than business partners or even friends. he isn't sheepish or anything alike, he states his mind clearly like usual with that monotonous voice. he'll sit you down and state the facts, the possible emotions he had pinpointed in his chest. following that, he'd ask you questions. was this okay? were you interested in this pathway? were you scared?

♡ he leaves the decision up to you, giving you enough space to comprehend what just happened. yeah, you could go off to kaveh and ask if he was genuine but of course, alhaitham would be in the house probably. so, you invite the blond to the usual cafe to get some more details. it's almost like an interrogation of the sort; asking kaveh about how alhaitham works, the deeper meanings between his words and so forth. to which, the blond reveals so much more about the attractive man.

♡ depending on how long you take, he'll keep the meetings relatively normal. alhaitham isn't one to be affectionate, as mentioned above so, doing it with someone he just dropped a huge bomb on? hell no. he might keep some distance though just in case of rejection. he's never had a partner, let alone someone he let in so easily in his eyes. it's an unknown territory he can't go in alone. . especially without you.

♡ if you do start dating the scribe, he'll take you out on formal dates at first. his income leaves him a comfortable amount of room to give you luxury. he's tense about it though, he doesn't know what to do and definitely doesn't want to be caught asking someone about how to love someone. he's figuring it out, be patient.

♡ he keeps this under wraps until you're both comfortable telling others. that could be a couple months up to a year at best. alhaitham isn't one for gossip flying around him about his own life. if he wants to keep it out of sight, he implies demands it to others who suspect something is happening.

♡ when you two come out to your friends, i 100% bet kaveh will be ecstatic, tighnari, collei & nahida will be so proud of him, and cyno will def make puns related to this occasion. but overall, everyone is content with the good match.

♡ after a while, he relaxes with the 'proper' dates and does more casual things. he feel comfortable enough going on walks with you, having nice meals outside, visiting all around sumeru and generally doing more lighthearted activities. one thing i believe he'd love to do is read you his books, petting your hair. it's unusual for others to comprehend what he's saying, especially since it's an advanced literature. but when he hears your soft breathing after falling asleep, i think he'd be the most content.

♡ he wouldn't think of starting a family with you until after the two year point. since it's his first relationship, he probably wouldn't want to rush anything. however, he knows he can support you and whatever children you two have/adopt financially. emotionally however, he might need more time to learn how to give affection to a person so small and without the years of being alive to grasp a basic idea of emotions.

♡ though, he wouldn't mind having a child or two. having too many scares him tbh. he doubts his own skills when it comes to human connection. but if you were to guide him gently and with practice, he'd become accustomed to it. . behind doors of course. he wouldn't bring up the topic itself until you two are past the two year point and are engaged.

♡ when it comes to being engaged, he'd ask after two years and give some thought into it. even though he isn't the sappiest person alive (like kaveh), he'd try his best to make it a night to remember. he'd plan everything and dedicate it to you. depending on which nation you're from originally, he'd add in some cultural things from your family.

♡ engagement would last a year-ish to two. he likes to make sure that this is the person he's binded to forever. when he figures it out, he makes sure the wedding has both cultures involved--which of course makes it lavish.

♡ when y'all are comfortable after the wedding, he'd be open to children. if you can't have children for whatever reason, alhaitham would bring up the topic of adoption. there are definitely orphans that need homes and it would pay off to see you smile, in his opinion.

♡ moving onto the bedroom topic. .

♡ i don't think he's a beast, he's more likely to be closed off to the idea of physical intimacy until he has faith that it's a safe space. yeah he can be cocky if he catches you taking in an eye full but that's about it until his first time.

♡ prob not all that kinky tbh. he might be a top and/or a power bottom. he's okay with you taking the reins when he's tired but that's rare.

♡ office sex. yea. especially when he's acting grand sage. dude is probably so stressed that he can't come home at a normal time to see you.

♡ speaking of, you two might've been caught a few times in office while going at it. some people are scared to enter or go near his office because it. most know to at least knock twice and call out his name to see if it's fine to come in but some don't.

♡ in conclusion, confusing man but good morals!

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

I do not understand why people say Steve and Nancy are toxic. Jonathan and Nancy are more toxic than them. (I don't hate them anymore, just how they started).

Facts:

• Steve made sure that whatever he and Nancy did was consensual.

• He defended her when Jonathan took those shitty photos. No, he wasn't being possessive. Fuck you for saying that. He got mad because Jonathan crossed a line.

• When she called him out for only caring about his dad and not Barb. He showed up to her house and apologized sincerely, letting her know it didn't matter what his dad thought.

• And when he thought she was cheating, yes, he did something shitty and didn't stop his friends from doing the theater thing, but he did it because he was hurt. Honestly, Tommy and Carol would have done with or without his interference because they're assholes. You can't control people. Steve owned up to his mistake and went to apologize to Jonathan for what he said, not because of Nancy, but because he realized it was the right thing to do.

• Then he went back into the house to help them fight a demogorgon. He risked his life for both of them. He gave his crown, his friends, and everything he knew for Nancy. He almost gave up his life by walking into that house.

• He was there for her every single day after they got back together. He went to dinner with Barb's parents with her for months. He doesn't do one thing for her, and he gets accused of being a shitty boyfriend.

• Yeah, Nancy wasn't in a good place to have a relationship, but she loved Steve and wanted to be with him. She trusted him enough to depend on him, but she also was dealing with emotions that one, not even adults, could barely handle. She didn't know how to deal with the guilt of losing Barb. Their only problems were Barb and Jonathan.

Facts about Jonathan:

• Took naked photos of her without her consent. Apologized for them but then took it back and basically called Nancy a slut for sleeping with Steve, telling her she was going to end up like her parents.

• They both jumped too quickly into a relationship after Steve and Nancy broke up. Nancy wasn't in the right headspace. She was still vulnerable with Barb and Steve. She was also kind of drunk. The fact that she didn't defend Steve just proved she wasn't in the right headspace. The actress herself admitted she didn't like how they got together. It wasn't cute or romantic. It was bordering on non-consensual again, but they had BOTH been giving alcohol and were being pressured by a creepy dude. Yes, Nancy and Steve should have broken up but to give Nancy time to think about what she wants.

• Yeah, in season 3, Nancy didn't realize what the job meant to Jonathan, but Jonathan also didn't take Nancy's concerns seriously about how she was being treated. It was a huge communication problem that they both should have apologized for.

• I do have to admit that they did fight well together, and that action sequence was lit. (Still I think there's a lot of issues that Jonathan and Nancy aren't talking about. Like the camera incident, how they got together, and the fact that Jonathan was the last person to see her alive.)

• Jonathan lied to her about the acceptance letter, and it was the stupidest reason why. Because he assumed she would give up her dreams for him, just like he gave up his dreams of going to NYU to go to Emerson. Both of them weren't communicating or trying to go see each other or talk to each other. They were both relieved that they weren't around each other. Nancy was also realizing that she loved Steve, and she defended him this time, much like she should have done back then.

So, I think if anyone is more toxic, it's Jonathan and Nancy. The one thing they all three have in common, though, is that they don't talk about Barb, the camera incident, or what happened with the demogorgon. All three of them have that same problem. I mean, for Nancy, they're both connected to Barb, too. With Steve, it was a lot more intimate, and the fact that she slept with him the night Barb dies. With Jonathan, he was the very last person to see Barb alive. Why does no one talk about that? I think they all have problems, but there's a lot more to unravel with Jonathan and Nancy. I think it would be harder to work through with them. Do I think they could try to work through all of that? Yeah, as long as they actually talk about what's really bothering them. If Jonathan tries to let go of the shitty, miserable view of their relationship and let go of his misconception about Steve. All three of them are all so messy and complicated. I think it would be Steve who'd start them down that road to honesty.

[dgcatanisiri]

Y'know, when I joked with my aunt that I didn't mind keeping Bailey at home during her week long trip this summer, but would like to board my mother during that time, it was me JOKING...

So... I mentioned the other day that she'd developed this horrible horrible cough? Which I can describe as uncomfortably reminding me of my grandmother's choking cough after she developed ALS and couldn't properly swallow, as well as her sister's distinct smoker's cough? And couldn't really go longer than five minutes without a bout of it?

Yeah, so when her home health nurse showed up here yesterday, she told mom that she needed to get in to her doctor right away. And by "right away," I mean that when mom called her doctor's office and was told that there weren't any available slots with her regular physician but she could maybe get something the next day, the nurse said "no, you WILL see her today."

That turned in to her being sent up to the hospital. Where they said she had developed a bad case of bronchial pneumonia. That it was so bad as a result of the fact that her being in a wheelchair means that she doesn't get up and move around and dislodge things in the nasal cavity. And then there's also a concern about her pressure wounds and potential blood infections, and one of the hospital nurses basically said (not like it's news, but maybe hearing it from a medical professional can make an impact on her...) that because of mom's MS, ANYTHING that she gets is likely to be worse by default because her immune system really doesn't know where to start, and when one thing is worse, it leaves her vulnerable to other things.

They admitted her and held her overnight yesterday, will probably keep her tonight as well, and then send her to a facility to recover, which, hopefully, they will keep her for over a week, because next weekend is when my aunt has to go out of town for her bowling and can't come and drive the car equipped for mom to travel in, because it needs the driver's seat at a certain position, one which my longer legs cannot sit in...

Oh, and she definitely passed some germs around to my aunt and I, because I've had a runny nose the last couple of days, much to my great displeasure. But, like I said, we have a less severe case because of our ability to walk around and dislodge things so they don't intensify.

*sigh* So yeah. Fun times in the house of DG...

Though I suppose I should be grateful that it's not COVID...

[whimsicallyreading]

For Day 29 of Rowaelin Month

“A song fic-“

The song- “Always Been You” by Quinn XCII

CW- Mentions of miscarriage and divorce

"I can't believe you right now."

Rowan looks at his wife in frustration. She's sitting at the end of their bed, staring listlessly at the wall. The skirt of the red dress she's wearing is wrinkled, and his heart aches when he notices the mascara marks on her cheeks.

"Aelin," Rowan tries again to reach for her, but she leans away from his grasp.

"No, Rowan. I'm done."

Rowan takes a long swing from the beer in front of him. The time on his phone alerts him that he's spent most of the evening sulking at his bar.

The guys had invited him to dinner, but Rowan hadn't felt like going in light of his current situation. Instead, choosing to meander to the shady little pub they'd passed by coming from the airport.

His lawyer had sent him numerous emails. Documents to sign, agreements to approve, and papers he needed to read through before sending them to the judge.

Divorce was a pain, and Aelin wasn't making it easy.

"Hey, bud. I thought I might find you here." Fenrys slides onto the barstool next to his.

Rowan sighs and rubs the lines forming on his forehead. "Well, I thought it was obvious I didn't want company."

"Too bad. Drinking alone isn't a good look on you." Fenrys raises a hand and motions for another round of beers. "How are things going with ya know?"

"Shitty. She's never paid a dime of rent on that apartment, but she wants the lease signed into her name and for me to front the first four months of rent." Rowan cracks a peanut between his finger. He has no intent to eat the growing pile in front of him. He just craved the satisfaction of breaking something.

"Well, have you talked to her about that?" Fenrys frowns in sympathy, knowing how equally attached both parties were to the little rental.

Rowan laughs mirthlessly. "No, she said that it was better if our conversations were mediated. I always knew Aelin was catty, but she's acting like such a-"

"Don't." Fenrys gives Rowan a severe look. "I know you are upset, but don't start saying shit you'll regret."

Rowan pauses and reluctantly nods his agreement. It's the alcohol talking. He knew the problems that had festered his marriage were predominantly his responsibility.

He takes a deep breath, but a heaviness seems to keep the air from reaching his lungs fully. The weight was slowly becoming too familiar, starting the day Aelin had presented him with the papers.

Rowan wishes he'd done more. Wishes he'd paid more attention and seen the signs of Aelin's unhappiness.

The day Aelin had broken down in their bedroom had been a cold wake-up call but by then? It was already too late.

"You missed our anniversary Rowan." Aelin shouts and pulls her heels off angrily.

Rowan picks up a shoe and tries to hand it back to her. "I know. I'm sorry. It's not too late, though. We can still go out? There's still time to salvage-"

Aelin turns away from him and seems to fold in on herself. Rowan wants to reach out. He wants to hold her, but something dark is building in the air.

"I don't want your leftovers, Rowan," Aelin whispers. "That's all I get anymore—your leftover time. Your leftover attention. Whatever leftover resentment you bring home from work."

"Aelin-" he tries to cut off her depressive spiral, but she's not finished.

"You used to call me during the day." Aelin's voice cracks, and he realizes she's crying. "Every day, you would call me on your break. Now you don't even call when you leave town."

"Baby, just listen to me." He puts his hands on her shoulders, but Aelin breaks his grasp to turn around and look at him.

"Is there someone else?" Her eyes are wide and vulnerable. So unlike his regular Aelin."

"What?" His brain is struggling even to formulate a reply. Rowan's lack of response only causes Aelin to worry more.

Something in her cracks. There's a quiver to her lips, and her face drains of color. "Oh. Oh no."

"Aelin. I swear there is no one else." Rowan finally says, but it's too late.

"Is," Aelin presses the heels of her hands against her eyes. "Is it because I lost the baby?" She sucks in a hiccupping breath. "You've always wanted kids. So did I, but my fucking body doesn't work."

Aelin closes her eyes, and Rowan knows she's speaking more to herself than him, but her words gut him just the same. "My body doesn't work right. I keep giving us false hopes and wasting money on pregnancy tests. Of course, you would look for a woman who can give you what you want."

He's surprised by the sudden flare of anger in him. "Don't put words in my mouth. That will never be your fault."

They'd known right from the start their journey to parenthood would be a long one. Aelin had a family history of complicated fertility. It had seemed so trivial when they got married. Yet even knowing there could be issues, nothing quite prepared them for the pain of a miscarriage.

Aelin sniffles, unable to force back her grief, "But you resent me. Don't you?"

Rowan doesn't reply.

"It's rough," Rowan admits out loud. "I let a lot get left unsaid. I was hurt and pushed her away. Now she won't even speak to me without a lawyer present."

Fenrys nods, "It's all probably for the best. Once this is over, you guys can put this drama behind you."

"I wish it were that easy," Rowan knocks back the rest of his beer. He grimaces at the drink. It's not taking hold quickly enough.

Fenrys raises an eyebrow. "You both will be able to shut the book on this chapter of your lives and move on? Considering how bloody you two have been fighting, it sounds ideal."

They sit in silence. Fenrys takes the peanut basket away from Rowan and picks at the shells. The bartender comes by, and disgruntledly eyes Rowan's pile of crumbs as he orders a whiskey neat.

Fen was like his little brother, but Rowan found it hard to admit his real problem to him aloud. "I still love her."

The basket goes flying over the side of the counter, and Fenrys chokes on his beer. "What?"

Rowan can't look him in the eye, "We lost a baby. It was early. Aelin didn't want to tell everyone. Three years we tried to get pregnant, and finally, a test comes back positive. She was so happy."

"Shit," Fenrys says quietly. "I'm so sorry."

"It was there, and then it was gone. I thought Aelin was fine. She cried for a week, but then it was like a switch flipped, and she was back to normal." Rowan clenches a napkin in his fist. "I was devastated. It hurt like hell, but I didn't want to send her back into a depression." Rowan shakes his head at how stupid he'd been. "So I put some distance between us. I didn't want her to think I was upset with her."

"I didn't feel better," Rowan sips the whiskey, relishing the warmth. "It made me mad that she got over it so quickly, and I couldn't. I didn't realize that I was growing that space between us. I didn't understand how much guilt she harbored and that she tried to be strong for me. Not until she broke."

"We fought. I said all the wrong things. Aelin couldn't take it anymore, she left, and I didn't stop her." Rowan leans his head on his hands and elbows against the counter. "She's the love of my life, and I watched her walk out the door."

Fenrys sucks in a breath and sighs. "You are my best friend, and I mean this in the most loving way possible. Why the hell are you here?"

"What?" Rowan looks at Fenrys annoyed face.

"Get out of here. Go. I'll tell the boss you have ebola or some shit." Fenrys fishes his wallet out and throws cash on the bar. "I'll even cover the tab. Just leave. Now."

"What? I don't understand?"

Fenrys looks at Rowan like he's stupid. "No offense, but you are about as interesting as a brick wall. The fact you caught a girl like Aelin is astonishing. If you love her, are you honestly going to let her go on being miserable?"

"She's not miserable," Rowan scoffs.

Fenrys laughs bitterly. "You forget I'm pals with Aedion too? Aelin winds up at his house almost every evening crying her eyes out. You two are still hopelessly in love. You're just dumb and badly in need of a good conversation."

"Aelin is upset?" A sense of disbelief washes over him.

"Yes! She misses you, but she's under the impression you are off sleeping around." His face saddens. "I told Aedion you weren't. He knows I go on all of these trips with you. Aelin's just upset you're gone and needs to believe in something that can help her let go."

Rowan stands up, swaying. "I have to go."

"Hell yeah, you do. Give Aelin my love," Fenrys waves as Rowan vates the bar like a hawk out of hell.

Aelin sets the stack of papers in front of him.

Rowan had been camping out in his office ever since there disaster of an anniversary. He'd texted a few times, but every time they talked, it was like relighting a fuze. Things weren't getting better.

"What are these?" Rowan asks without looking up from his screen.

"Your ticket to freedom," Aelin sits in the chair across from him.

She looks thin, thinner than she did when Arobynn was her foster father. It physically hurts Rowan that he's causing her that kind of stress. Glancing at the papers, she slapped in front of him. His blood becomes like an ice river through his body. "Aelin-"

"I'm not the one for you. That's apparent now. I won't hold you hostage in a marriage that you aren't happy in." Aelin blinks, and a tear slides down her face. He wants to wipe it away, but he's beyond angry. She was giving up on them.

"If this is what you want," Rowan slides the papers towards him and pulls out a pen.

Rowan is racing the familiar paths to their apartment. He doesn't care that it's almost four in the morning. The plane ride between Perranth and Ornyth is mercifully short, but he can't force himself to wait another minute.

"Aelin," he yells through their door. "Baby, answer me. Open the door."

Rowan's fists tap a consistent rhythm on the door, and his heart skips a beat when a bedraggled Aelin finally appears. "Rowan, do you know what time it is?"

She's in a pair of grey flannel pajamas, not one of her usual silky numbers. Aelin's eyes are red around the edges, and her face is still dewy from the excessive amount of lotion he knows she loves to put on. Rowan knows all of her routines. All of her favorite outfits, comfort movies, and best memories. He knows the scar she has on her left hand from an abusive foster father. Rowan remembers how the bridge of her nose wrinkles when she's upset in the same spot her cousin's does.

He knows everything about her, because not only were they husband and wife, they were best friends.

How could he have let that go?

Before Aelin can ask any more questions, Rowan has swept her into his arms. "I missed you so damn much."

"Rowan, have you been drinking?" Aelin asks in a voice cracked with emotion.

His hands are running up her back, and his knows burrows into her hair. He's always loved the smell of her jasmine shampoo. "Fireheart, I never resented you for losing the baby."

"Rowan, I don't want to talk about this," Aelin tries to push him away, but he squeezes her into his chest, and she melts.

That had been his mistake. He should have held Aelik like this and never let her go on pretending to be happy. How could he know everything about this woman and not have seen past her facade? She'd suffered. His own pain had blinded him.

"Aelin, I've made so many mistakes lately." Rowan rubs the back of Aelin's neck the way she likes, and he can feel the sobs starting to build up inside of her. "But the greatest shame of my life is not being there for you when you needed me. I was stupid, Fireheart. I'm not going to be stupid any longer. This separation can't go on, we aren't any happier for it, and I can't live knowing I'm away from the other half of my soul."

Aelin cracks, and he can feel the tears wetting the front of his shoulder. "You were never home. I thought there was someone else, someone who could give you the things you wanted because I can't."

Her whole form is shuddering his arms, and Rowan squeezes tighter as if he can hold her broken pieces together. "It's always been you. I don't care if we adopt or never have any kids at all. All I need is you, baby. You are all I've ever needed."

Suddenly, hands are in Rowan's hair as Aelin crushes their lips together. The kiss is frantic, a relief of the stress they'd carried upon their shoulders.

"I missed you too," Aelin whispers in between kisses. “Gods I mussed you so much.”

The rest of their night is filled with soothing words, frantic kissing, and murmured apologies. Rowan kisses the tears from her cheeks and Aelin looks into his eyes like she’s home. Nail dig into skin as they promise never to be apart again.

For the first time in months they sleep in the same bed. Rowan sinks into a deep restful sleep with his wife in his arms once more. He loves the way her cold toes search out his heat. How Aelin fits so perfectly against his chest. When he wakes up and she’s still there, his heart nearly features from relief.

After months of pain, it's the beginning of their walk towards healing.

The days after aren't perfect. They had legal issues to sort back out, more problems to lay bare to the sunlight. There was arguing, but it lacked actual heat, and they didn't walk away feeling unloved at the end. No longer did they fight to land barbs. Their bickering now served to work towards solutions and to express needs.

Between struggles, the love began to grow back. Rowan kept his job at work, and when he was home, it was about them. He started calling her on his breaks again, and it always astonished him how much he missed the sound of her voice. They both strived to communicate their feelings better and actually listen instead of reacting.

Aelin surprised him with romantic dates, and Rowan read pages of her favorite books to her at night. They danced in the kitchen and laughed at their favorite shows.

Fixing their marriage was hard work, but Rowan and Aelin didn't mind. The separation proved that neither of them wanted a life without the other. It was to whatever end, and they wouldn't accept anything less for them.

On one Sunday morning, Rowan opens his eyes and realizes that Aelin isn't on her side of the bed. Panic surges in him, and he looks around to make sure her things are still there.

They are, and the tension eases from his shoulders until he hears soft crying from the bathroom. Darting out of bed, he grabs Aelin's bathrobe and knocks on their bathroom door. "Aelin, what's wrong?"

Had he screwed something up? Was she sick?

The lock clicks, granting him silent permission for him to come inside. Rowan pushes the door open and finds Aelin crying on the side of the tup. With gentle hands, he wraps her robe around her and throws an arm over her shoulders. "What's wrong?"

Aelin looks up at him, a radiant smile on her face. "Look."

Rowan glances down to her clenched fists and-

He blinks, once, twice. Aelin laughs at his dumbfounded face, and it breaks his paralysis. Rowan grabs her around the waist and spins her around the cramped bathroom, the positive pregnancy test clattering to the floor.

Aelin's arms wrap around his neck. The emotion in the room is raw and bittersweet, but there's a hopefulness that can't be denied. Rowan holds her tight as they process the news. When they break apart, the love between them is palpable. They had another shot at this, a fresh start.

Hards times would come and go, but good days were never far behind for them. Because for Aelin and Rowan, it's always been them.

And that's all they needed.

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Hi! You wrote this Jacob scenario in two parts about him flirting and trying to get to the reader after she came back to town and I absolutely LOVED it. Could you please write a part 3? If you want some sentences as prompts, I suggest those: "You really should be more careful about who you invite inside."; "The big bad wolf? Doesn't seem as scary as I thought.", but feel free not to use them, please.

Sunsets // part 2   

Everyone has flaws, that's something Y/N was aware of and her fatal flaw was overthinking. Ever since she came back home, Jacob had been the root of her overthinking issues. It kept her up night more times than she cares to admit.

First it was the blatantly flirting during which he made it crystal clear how interested he is.

Second was the flowers he'd leave on her doorstep every single morning. They were always yellow, just as the one he tucked in her hair the first night she was back home and sitting atop a cliff.

"Yellow was always your color."

Groaning, she rolls her eyes. "What the fuck does he even mean?!"

Licking her lips, she waited for him that morning. Just because she didn't see him drop the flowers off doesn't mean she didn't know they were in fact from him. And she planned to prove it by catching him in the act.

And just as she almost fell asleep by her door, she heard the wooden steps creak, her eyes opening wide only to see the familiar brown eyes she refused to admit she adores.

"Morning", she greets him with a chipper smile, unaware of his gloomy mood. "You look like you", her eyes flicker to his empty hands and she stops, her smile dropping when she realized he had no flowers with him. Instead of flowers, there was blood. Not just on his hands but his legs too.

"WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED", she jumped to her feet so quickly it made her head spin, yet she felt steady with her hands on his broad shoulders.

"Nothing", Jacob looks away as if it pains him to show an ounce of vulnerability, "It's fine", he frowns, "I'm fine."

Scoffing, Y/N cups his cheek, turning his head so their eyes could meet again. "Don't act tough, Jake, it's not nothing. You're not nothing, not to me." Licking her lips, she glides the palm of her left hand down his right arm, all the way to his bleeding hand. She turns the palm up, inspecting it with care yet she didn't see any cuts.

"See? I'm fine." Jacob insists, yet he doesn't move away. He stays, too proud to admit he loves feeling her touch him, even if it's out of concern rather than love.

"You healed?" Her voice is warm, gentle like a breeze and her hands are soft like cotton. "How did you get hurt?" She furrows her brows, lips set in an unintentional pout, enough to tug at Jacob's heartstrings, enough to make him want to kiss the pout away.

Jacob sighs those feelings away, daring to cup her cheeks and she holds her breath. "Does it matter?" He realizes his blood might stain her skin and as he's about to pull away, she places her hands over his, keeping them still.

"Why wouldn't it?" She sounds fragile, worried in a way because who could make him feel like his feeling, his pain doesn't matter?

"I'm practically indestructible, sunshine, you don't have to worry about me." Smiling, he tries to lighten the mood but he seems to have failed. Her eyes brim with tears and she doesn't blink, afraid she might cry.

"You worry about everyone, so let me worry about you." Suddenly, without a warning, she wraps her arms around him, her head resting on his chest and Jacob's stunned for a minute. Pulling her into him, into his warm embrace, he feels his heart beating against his chest like it hadn't in a long time - it beats with hope, with love, with a purpose.

"I'm sorry I didn't get you flowers today." He mumbles in her hair, unsure if it might bother her. He didn't forget, he was just too injured to climb up to where he usually found them, so he crawled half the way toward her house and managed to walk the rest. He just needed to see her.

"You're here, I don't really need more."

Chuckling, Jacob nods, "You're not gonna want to admit this tomorrow."

Smiling, she hums, "Probably not. But this is nice." She fans her fingers on his back, exhaling into his chest.

Jacob smirks, glad he got her to admit anything even if for a moment. "Yeah. This is nice."

[ldyinblckmsk]

Always the extra, never the lead

Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x F! Reader

Genre: Angst

Words: 1.8k

A/N: Hey, guys! I'm back hoho serving another angst (if you squint your eyes lol). I hope I broke your heart or makes you feel pain or sad coz that's what i wanna make you feel while you read my piece oftrash. This plot is plaguing mah mind. Also, the title sucks lolololol I can't think of anything argh!

Enjoy :)

It's funny how people cheer themselves up by thinking that they are the main character of their own story. You think that it's  ridiculous to give themselves a fake hope while the fact that the cycle of their story doesn't change anything. They'll never be the protagonist, no matter how hard they try to be one.

That's why you gave up, right. You settle yourself to be just a bystander, watching the main roles act their piece under the big spotlight. Watching the man you love entranced by the stare of the girl he likes. See, it's not you. Because, after all, as much as you wanted to be the Cinderella or Snow White or any other damnsel in distress, he'll never be the prince that will save you. You're just an extra.

Confess your profounding love to him? You already thought of it and considering the consequences of it, you're just a coward who didn't want to jeopardize the only relationship you had with him. You're fine with being his bestfriend. At least, you still have an excuse to be at his house until midnight just hanging out with him. You can still wear his hoodies  and imagine yourself acting like how the other girls did to their significant other.

That until she came.

He spent less time hanging out with you. He rarely even talks to you and ask if you're still breathing. As if all of a sudden, every memories you spent with him vanished like a bubble when the narrator introduced his leading lady. Of course, you were jealous, infuriating to be honest, she stole your man, the ash blond you were crushing since you laid your eyes on him. And the thing that makes you go insane is the fact that you don't have the right to be angry because he's not yours to claim.

The only thing you can do is sit there and let yourself drown in pain. Pretend that you're fine with the set-up and act normal. You didn't want to mess up the play, don't you?

Fine, my ass. You're not a masochist.

They're still not together, that means she's not his either.  They're still at the phase of knowing each other, so you still have a chance to confess. There's no way that they already fall in love with each other that fast.

Here you are in his room, laying comfortably on the silky sheets of his bed, staring at the ceiling. You just invite yourself to his house.

"Hey, dumbass! Are you even listening to me?" His voice snapped you out of trance. "I'm sorry. I got a lil dizzy for a sec. What were you saying?"

"You alright?" The hint of concern on his voice didn't go unnoticed by you and you just cherish this moment that way you always do. Your breath hitched when you felt his cold hands touch your forehead, his other hand on his comparing your temperature. The small act of friendship makes your blood rush to your cheeks.

"Geez. I'm fine, Katsu." You rolled your eyes at him, swatting his hand away. As much as you want to prolong the skinship, you didn't want to make yourself become a flustered mess. "Now, what were you saying?" You propped your head with both hands under your chin, as you roll on his bed now laying flat on your stomach.

"I said are you coming with me this Friday night. We're just going to eat." You looked at him suspiciously. For a second, your heart triumphs.

"Wow, you already want to see me again."

"Tch. Just say yes or no, idiot." You chuckled at his scowling face. "Just admit that you missed me, grumpy-chan."

"You're a pain in the ass."

And just like that, you didn't have any decent to sleep as you were so excited for Friday to roll. Whatever plan he has, you can't help but to think that it's like he's asking you to go out with him. Ignoring the second line he said, you let yourself dive in fantasy.

It's Thursday and you're still conflicted on what to wear, you asked for help of your friends. Surprisingly, they agreed to help you right away without raising their brows and questioning you about the date with the 'mystery man'. 'Cause they already know who it was, just from how eager you look.

Your love for the blond isn't news to them. Being classmates and friends for almost three years, they already knew how your mind works though they didn't really know how frenzy and complicated the wires in it. They just know the surface of it.

"How about this?" Mina showed you the haltered red dress that ends just above your knee. You decided on it right away which makes your friend shakes their head at your eagerness. After that, you're just casually having fun, giving you advices and tips on your so-called date from their experience.

You saw him leaning on his car, permanent scowl on his face while constantly checking his phone. You eyed him from your position, awe struck at the ravishing aura he oozes. The white dress shirt he's wearing highlights the muscle he workrd so hard to built. He looks so clean and sinful at the same time.

"There you are, grumpy-chan!" You walked towards him slowly, smacking his back as your usual greeting, smile plastered on your face with the hint of blush spreading on your cheeks. You watched him stunned for a while, eyes roaming to your body. "About fucking time. Let's go."

You were surprised when he opened the door for you but you just shake it off. He's gentle, seems like his careful with his actions.

He glanced at you for a moment before he went inside the car. His heart went wild when he saw you. He thought you looked prettier when you dressed up. He always saw you wearing baggy shirts that's why when you showed up with that tight dress he malfunctioned for a bit. You looked bold and sexy like a predator hunting its prey, quite opposite from the girl he's pining. He shakes the thoughts of you away as he began to drive.

Akiya is full of sunshine and rainbows. She's sweet and looks vulnerable like an antique dishware that needs to be taken care of. And he has the great urge to protect the quirkless girl. Funny, how he was so bully to Deku being quirkless and  here he was falling for one.

He was so upset to himself when he found out his stupid affection to the girl. Their constant talking amd bubbly personality made it possible to like her. But everytime he's with her, his mind straying away to your well-being. He knew that you have feelings for him but he didn't dig further because you're not vocal about it. With how much his time was spent with you, he cared deeply for you. He loves you, of course, but it isn't like kind of love you felt for him.

After sorting out those endless thoughts, still, his adoration for Akira weighs more than your friendship.

That's why he's inviting you to dinner with him.

The anxiety is bubbling up inside you. The look on his face screams that there's something going on inside his head that you're not ready to unravel. Call it instinct but something feels odd. The ambience around you doesn't suit your guts. You're beyond happy that you're having a good time with him but there's this unsettling feeling that's eating your inside.

Is this what you think it is?

He's the one who initiates the conversation first, sensing the awkwardness in your table. Feeling blue, you just answered him with nods and short words. Clenching your jaw as you forced yourself to smile naturally. It's not really that difficult for you to do it since you are good at hiding.

The dinner was served and you just sat there, eating in silence. You don't dare move your eyes from your plate. You felt him checking on you for the nth time of the night then followed by a sigh.

You fucking knew it. Your grip on the knife was tight while slicing the tender beef. You're silently praying that you'll have the control of your emotions tonight. The night is still young but the 'date' is nearing to end. 

"Y/n, just don't fucking talk and listen to me." His hand combing his spiky hair in frustration. He didn't know how to break it to you without hurting you. "What's with the serious talk, grumpy-chan? It's not like you, ya know." You laughed.

"I said I'll do the talking, idiot." You rolled your eyes at his remark."You know Akiya, right?"

"Uh, yeah, she's the girl you like, right." You said with an obvious tone in your voice, smiling, almost seemed like you're teasing him. Almost. Because the bitterness you felt left a hint on your voice.

Silence. No one dared to speak. Not because of your last statement. It seems like gods are not in the mood to heed your prayer as you desperately trying to stop the tears that you didn't know were already falling. You inhaled deeply, calming yourself down, slowly accepting your defeat.

You were the one that breaks the eerie silence. "So, you two are already together. Is that what were you going to say to me? Or is there anything el–" 

Oh.

Realization strucks your chords. How can you be so fucking simpleton? A small laugh leaves your mouth while nodding your head crazily, new batch of tears forming in your eyes. He only watched you, confused.

"Oh my god! You fucking knew it. Am I right?"

"Y/n–"

"I'm a clown. You knew I love you yet–" You laughed again. People gaze at your direction, feeling pity at your state. You are mess right now.

"What the fuck are you talking about? Yes, I knew it. I knew your feelings but your my bestfriend for fuck's sake!" He raised his voice, bloodshot eyes lingering at your form.

As if like you flipped your switch, you looked at him with blank eyes, no emotions were found as you speak to him. "Is it entertaining? Is it funny to watch me make a fool of myself? Am I stroking your ego when I looked at you with fucking heart eyes huh, Bakugou? Tell me."

"That's why I'm fucking talking to you right now. I want you to stop it. I need you to stop loving me because I can't reciprocate it...I love Akiya."

"I know! Don't fucking rub it on my face. I know it. I already knew it! Okay? And yet here I am still fucking hoping that there's still a chance." You're desperately trying to sound fine, wishing for your voice not to crack. "I-I'm still fucking praying that I wish it's me. Why the hell it can't be me? Why, Katsuki?"

No, you're not going to break down in front of him. That will be last tears you'll shed. You shut your eyes tightly, regaining your control over your emotions. You didn't spare a glance at him, looking yourself at your mirror while retouching your make-up. You grabbed your phone, texting Mina to pick you up while you're talk to him. "Just so you know, I'm not going to cut ties with you. If that's what you're worried about. I'm still your friend, dropping the 'best'."

You looked up at him, eyes meeting his for the last time. You saw his pained expression, clenching his jaw when he looked away.  You get up, ready to leave. "Another thing, next time when you reject someone don't do it over a fancy dinner. That just gives them a false hope and that's fucking painful." You chuckled.

Bitter smile plastered on your face,  you prepare yourself for the conclusion of the story. Walking to his side, you bend to him while placing a kiss on his cheek, whispering your final dialogue as the side character.

"Goodbye, grumpy-chan."

[logan-please-smile-speaks]

[Long, Tw food (in depth descriptions), brief references to unnamed heavenly beings of no specified religion, brief reference to hell. Not really any angst. Just good Dadza.]

[Hurt/comfort my beloved]

Me: i can't write

Also me: writes an entire fic by accident while telling my friend about an idea I had

(I'm gonna need this ask back at some point so don't keep it too long, okay? But make sure to take care of yourself (unlike Techno sksksks))

(How many words is this) (Cenn I've been writing this for like 3-4 hours. I've been hyperfixating on this)

-@2ble

I had this really cute idea where Techno gets sick after doomsday and Dadza takes care of him (for an animatic, or? How should i draw techno?)

Phil's Dadza side kicks in. He gently pushes Techno, who is in full garb back into bed. "Techno, you're sick. You can't go."

"But I haven't streamed in 2 weeks!"

"Rest."

Techno turns on his side in bed. Dadza gently pulls the blankets up and tucks them around Techno. Techno begins to cough, and the coughs rack his body. Dadza's expression is soft and concerned. He rubs his hand on Techno's back until he stops coughing. Techno closes his eyes. He's exhausted.

Dadza takes Techno's crown and places it on the bedside table.

He observes his ill friend. Techno is nothing like what he was up until Doomsday. He seemed--weak. Vulnerable. Sick.

"Have you had anything to eat, Techno?"

Techno doesn't open his eyes. He shakes his head. "I ran out of food a few days ago. I meant to get more but..." Techno doesn't want to admit that he couldn't get downstairs. He doesn't want to admit to weakness, to vulnerability. But everytime he thought of searching through chests, of trading with the villagers, they just seemed so far away.

Phil noticed a tear leaking out from Techno's eyelid. If he brushed it away, Techno would feel worse about his state because it would mean he was in fact vulnerable.

"I'll make you some stew."

Phil goes downstairs and tends to the fireplace. The fire seemed to have gone out sometime between now and the last time Phil checked on Techno.

How long has the house been this cold?

Phil builds up the fire and puts a cauldron over it. He makes mushroom stew because he doesn't know if techno can stomach rabbit stew.

When it's ready, he ladels it into a bowl and climbs the ladder.

Hanging off the ladder by one hand, he calls out. "Techno, stew's ready."

Techno's eyes flutter open. He sees his friend holding out a bowl of food and his eyes widen.

Phil notices that Techno is sweating and the blanket strewn to the side, only covering his feet.

"Are you too hot mate?" he asks.

Techno is broiling but he can't summon the strength to take off his outer clothes. His body refuses.

He's more focused on food. He's starving, and his body uses up what little resources it has left to sweat.

Phil walks over and puts the stew on the table. The heavenly aroma fills the room.

"Let's get this coat off of you." Phil reaches around Techno and unclasps the chain on his neck. He gently pulls the coat off of Techno's arm but he's still laying on it.

"Techno," Phil says.

"Whaaat," Techno drawls.

"You got to let me get this coat off ya mate."

Techno lets out a deep groan, then turns over on his stomach so his other arm is towards Phil.

Phil reaches under techno and grasps the coat. He pulls it out from under Techno and off his arm. The sleeve turns inside out. Phil fixes the sleeve and hangs up the coat.

Techno's shirt is drenched in sweat. He rolls over and starts fidddling with the button closest to his throat, looking up at Phil.

"Here, I'll get that for you." Phil undoes the button. He can't imagine how tired techno must've been after Doomsday, that he just collapsed in bed fully clothed, not even bothering to loosen them.

At least he took off his armor. Sh-t's heavy, he thinks. Phil ignores the fact that after the adrenaline and excitement wore off, the sore and tired Technoblade probably couldn't move with it on.

Phil pulls the blanket off the bed entirely, folds it, and places it on the table next to the stew. He pulls off Techno's shoes and socks and puts them near his coat.

They were also drenched with sweat, not to mention the smell--but it doesn't bother Phil all that much. He's smelled worse. He's frowns at the imprints on Techno's legs from the socks.

Phil loosens the rest of Techno's clothes. Techno seemed to were his tightest, least comfortable, most regal outfit to Doomsday.

Lucky for them both most of that was just accesories and pins, and Phil could easily remove those.

While Phil was doing this, Techno had been lying on his back, eyes closed. Though Techno tended to be stone-faced, Phil noticed the relief on Techno's face.

"How you feelin', Techno?"

"Philzaaa,"

"Yeah?"

Techno opens his eyes halfway, just enough to see Philza and the bottom of the bed.

"Do you have water?"

Phil procures a water bucket from his bag. "Thirsty mate?"

Techno looks at the water bucket and a small smile creeps over his face.

Phil smiles at his friend. He moves to the head of the bed and looped his arm and tattered wing around Techno and sits him up.

He holds the bucket up to Techno's mouth and tips it to his lips. Techno sips gratefully as the cool liquid pours over his hot, dry mouth and down his throat, cooling him from the inside.

"You've lost quite a bit of fluid, mate."

Techno lets some of the cold water slip out the sides of his mouth and drip down his face. His skin is boiling. The water dropelts running down his skin feel like heavenly beings allowing drops of mercy to fall upon him in the pit of hell.

Techno pulls back briefly to swallow and catch his breath and Phil rights the bucket. Techno leans in again for more water.

After drinking his fill, Techno leans back and wipes his mouth with his arm.

"All done, Techno?"

Techno swings his arms up knocks the bucket out of Phil's hand, dumping it on his head. The gush of water cools Techno, drenches the bed, and spills all over the room. Phil can't help but laugh. He picks up the bucket and scoops up the water source. He puts the bucket back in his bag.

"Had enough of the water?"

"Philza--I gotta be honest with you, Philza I haven't felt this good in weeks."

Phil laughs again even louder. The two friends are now in a good mood.

"Well now your stew is probably cold too." Phil tastes it. "Actually it's a bit warm still. Not too hot, either."

Techno scoots towards the wall and leans on it. He reaches for the bowl.

"Oh, no you don't."

"Phil, I'm a grown man-pig. I can hold a bowl."

"Maybe on a good day, Techno, but three minutes ago you couldn't sit up by yourself. No offense mate, but I don't think your arms have enough stamina right now. Now come on and eat."

Phil lifts the bowl to Techno's lips and lets him sip at his own pace. He pulls it back.

"How does it taste?"

"Pretty good but could maybe use a little salt."

"Eh, you probably need electrolytes as well after sweating through your clothes and drinking all that water."

Phil put the bowl on the downstairs counter.

Phil found salt in the downstairs chest and stirred it into the cauldron.

He heard the bowl fall to the floor behind him. It fell facedown and spilt on the floor.

Phil swore quietly.

He got a new bowl and more stew from the cauldron.

"How is it?" Techno inquired.

"Try for yourself," Phil said. He smiled as he held the bowl to Techno.

Techno looked at the bowl, then up at Phil. He took a sip.

Techno pulled back and looked at the bowl.

Phil thought he may have tainted the stew somehow. "Is it bad?" he started to say.

But he didn't quite get out anything after "Is" because Techno cut him off.

"It's delicious." Techno looked up at his friend. "Philza Minecraft, you should be a chef. This is the most wonderful thing I've ever tasted."

Phil chuckled. "All I did was add salt, what ya mean?"

"Phil, you have to sell this stew to the rest of the SMP. We could get rich!"

"Techno, I think the sickness may have gotten to your head a bit."

"Phil, I've never been more serious about anything in my entire life. We could be the the most powerful people on the server!"

"We already are. We just blew up a country. Down to bedrock."

"But we could get even more rich and powerful!"

"Well I'll be happy to listen after you eat. And rest. And bathe."

"I don't need to bathe."

"You're not getting out of it. You reek, mate."

"You can't judge me by the smell!"

"I'm not worried about the smell so much as what the smell tells me about your body. I don't know when the last time you washed was but it was definitely before Doomsday and I can't have you laying in your own sweat and filth for much longer. It's sh-t for your health, Techno."

"Philza--"

"Please just eat, Techno."

Techno leaned his head forward slightly and Phil pressed the bowl to Techno's lips.

Techno closed his eyes and savored the flavors. They were so pleasant, so soothing, so comforting. They reminded him of a time when he was safe and there was no betrayal. No war. No need for violence and bloodshed and destruction.

Phil, being a good Dadza friend, made sure that Techno ate an entire bowl. He brought Techno another bowl upon his request, of which he ate half, then left the other half bowl on the table in case Techno got hungry later.

After changing Techno's bed to clean, dry sheets and tucking his friend back into bed, he went downstairs to clean up the spill. He told Techno he would be back at sunrise to check on him. Though he might come earlier just in case. Sunrise was just the latest. Phil had decided that since Techno had gotten through the brunt of his hibernation and was now waking up sick, he should check on him at least twice a day.

Phil scrubbed the dried stew off the floor. He wondered what could've made Techno love it so much. Mere salt couldn't have made it so delicious, could it?

Phil finished cleaning the floor and the bowl and put everything away. As he was about to leave, he stopped. Eyes locked on the cauldron. There was something about it.

I can't leave that there, he reasoned. It will go to waste. If Techno like it, I can't let it waste or burn. I should freeze it outside.

Phil took out a bowl and knelt in front of the fire place. He scoop up big, full ladels into his bowl. Could it be that the soup was really that much better with something as basic as salt?

Phil dipped his finger in the bowl and sucked the stew off of it. He was instantly transported to his childhood. His mind played out feelings of safety, of healing, of comfort, of rest.

He heard his family laughing, remembered learning how to fly, the first time he soared high, feeling the wind beneath his wings. He remembered when Wilbur was born, holding the tiny baby in his arms, filled with love. "I'll always protect you. I'll always be there for you." When he met Techno, when he built the bee farm, and so on.

Phil was moved to tears. He felt loved. He felt like someone loved him no matter his flaws, his mistakes. Phil cried.

It was not out of pain but rather emotion. He wiped away his tears and drank the rest of the stew in his bowl, but it only caused more tears to stream down his face.

Techno was right.

Outside, watching through the window was the one who made the soup what it was. It wasn't Phil's salt.

He stood on his hind legs, paws pressed against the wall of the house.

He had been listening to the two friends talk, had been watching protectively as the wind ruffled his thick white fur.

He was Technoblade's guardian.

Soon he would be called Steve.

2ble this is literally amazing hello????

[wolf-stark]

You ask I deliver — both tfatws asks in one!

tfatws weekly ask 1

i finally saw ep1!! i wont be able to see ep2 until thursday at the earliest but i already have some Thots on this ep. here are the ones I remember

first is, and i'm so sorry for this, a grammar lesson. an appositive is when you stick an additional phrase in between commas, dashes, or the like. i actually just used one! the "and i'm so sorry for this" in the first sentence of this paragraph is an appositive. thing is, most english speakers don't normally use them when they speak, only in writing. so i'm always on high alert whenever i hear somebody in tv or movies use one. (it's generally a marker of bad screenwriting). anyway there was one right in the beginning of the episode. the white army guy yelling at sam wilson said "first lieutenant Torres, our intel officer, will be helping on the ground." yeah so. the writing of this series started out on the wrong foot for me. but the rest of the episode was obviously tons and tons better (every interview i see with malcolm spellman makes me love him more and more)

the contrast between the opening minutes (falcon action sequence) and the rest of the ep.... i would 100000/10 rather watch a series with just sam and bucky dealing with life. i dont give a single crap about the flag-smashers or any of that. i just want sam, sarah & fam getting their boating business back on the ground & yeeting racist dickwads, bucky going through therapy and making amends, sam and joaquin being bros, sambucky homoerotic tension, etc.

the cinnamontography! wandavision mostly used cinematography to signify era n stuff. tfatws doesn't have wv's premise to go off of, so here's some tricks i noticed:

with sam there's obviously all sorts of shots with the captain america iconography next to his face, but he hasn't totally claimed it. there's the mural of steve rogers in the background; there's sam staring into the shield like it's a spectre of steve's face; there's sam looking into the exhibit, the shield and sam separated by glass and a layer of camera focus. steve is a constant spectre, always there, an idea, a symbol himself. sam's relationship with this iconography is distanced. he is separated by glass exhibit walls. by painting canvases. he doesn't yet feel worthy to take on that iconography. this whole thing was pulled off quite well but also a bit on-the-nose if only in quantity. there's just sooooo much fancy iconography stuff

speaking of the exhibit, there's something that i get real pissy about. it's when like, there's an action going on you're supposed to be paying attention to but the cinematographer is like,,,, hey! check out this location! or this headline! or something! there was a lot of that in the exhibit. the camera was like, you could focus on sam and rhodey's convo (which was fine but could have been so much better with an extra like 10 minutes of deep character study talk) but noooo you want me to look at the symbol for the united nations and read all the text about bucky who hasn't even showed up yet. shut up i know the lore and ill watch the shot-by-shot breakdown yt vids you don't have to make the shot this long jkdsalcjklasejf

my fav trick was with bucky and the therapist. i had seen a clip of the scene with bucky and the therapist beforehand and i thought the cinnamontography was super obnoxious, but then i was like, oh duh. the shots frequently change the distance between the camera and its subject. sometimes it's uncomfortably close and sometimes it's really far. a clear allegory for the duality of therapy, esp for bucky! therapy is an invasive process wherein he is ruthlessly examined, picked apart, and berated for his trauma (this therapist is crap in every way btw, "mean therapist" works for greg house and greg house only). so the camera goes close. it makes the viewer claustrophobic like bucky. but when he's like "no i haven't had any nightmares" the camera suddenly goes really far. we see bucky as this tiny head in the center of the bottom of the frame. we are distanced from him. he has pushed us away. we cannot see him. he lies because he is vulnerable. so yeah, amazing work there. the therapy scene was hard to watch on purpose!

did bucky slip a note to yori inside the dollar bill? bucky stop making me emooooo. the suuper awkward fake smile has me 😭 (veteran trying to adjust!)

mark my worrrrds when sam asks someone y the govt picked john “white bread” walker they’re gonna say “we needed somebody everyone can get behind....someone uncontroversial, someone everyone can see themselves in” like that exact racist dog whistle

tfatws weekly ask 2

just saw ep2 so im taking advantage of the 2 seconds i can be on tumblr without worrying about tfatws spoilers before new episode drops

when isaiah said "your people put me in prison for being a hero" and bucky thought "your people" means hydra. 🤦‍♂️

speaking of racism, the interplay between sam being Black (anti-Black racism) and sam being the Falcon (negrophilia, "can i take a selfie w you as i deny you a loan?") and the intersection between the two (j*hn lichrally called sam "steve's wingman"! he takes the crypto out of crypto-racist in like 2 seconds!) !!!!!!!! a Black celebrity's Black experience, the separation of man and identity!!!! (thinking about vanessa bayer in snl in that skit "beyonce is black" telling her black friend "you're not black, you're...my girl!")

after sam gets racially profiled by cops we see j*hn standing in front of cop cars cinematic parallels turns out j*hn is racist who knew

this therapist sucks major ass but she got bucky and sam together in the same room and ready to collaborate...that's something ig. it was lichrally couple's therapy she said she used her miracle exercise with couples sambucky antis get blended

bucky says "he was wrong about you so maybe he was wrong about me"...that's not how people talk. when therapist asks bucky, the guy who doesn't talk at all about himself, "y do you hate sam", the last thing bucky's gonna do is actually connect his hatred of sam to his own self-worth issues. bucky generally refuses to talk about himself, so why would he talk about himself in the one context that nobody ever links back to their own neuroses: hatred of other people? one thing human beings hate most is admitting we're wrong. admitting you hate someone because of your own issues? that's a major therapeutic step. bucky would absolutely have to be prompted to do that. even like one or two lines of dialogue more would have set up that line better. but in terms of the actual thought? an amazing way to take the sam/bucky relationship. bucky bases his self-worth on steve believing in him, and if steve is wrong bucky has no self-worth, so 1) he has to develop self-worth disassociated from steve's assessment of him and 2) he has to love himself before he can love sam, and 3) he has to realize that sam giving up the shield is a sign of sam's humility not his unworthiness.

conversely, we don't get into why sam hates bucky? yeah sam has the right to hate a guy that has tried to kill him (albeit while brainwashed) multiple times, and now shows up in his life just to bash him but. everything happens so fast i cant follow their relationship

in fact i dont feel like i understood much of anything. like y did bucky and sam go on that mission together? how connected are sam/bucky/joaquin with the government? doesn't bucky just want to retire now? literally what is everyone doing/feeling and why???

if battlestar becomes a knowing commentary on the black best friend stereotype i'm gonna party, but i dont expect much of that

the interplay between man and symbol. captain america is obviously a symbol. the shield is obviously a symbol. but steve rogers? the. man behind the cowl? he too seems to become a symbol. a paragon of a good guy, so good he's unreachable. steve was just a guy stop idolizing him the last thing steve would want is to be idolized

as the resident musician/music nerd on mcublr, 1) that captain america rally music slaps, but 2) re: the song at the end of the ep, if you're just gonna rip off mozart's lacrymosa then at least play mozart's lacrymosa. we wont blame you the lacrymosa slaps (if you dont know what im talking about go on yt and search it up youll recognize it fo sho

look i love enfys nest as much as the next guy but if tfatws is gonna get erin kellyman to play another innocent little gurl blackmailed into the fakeout-villain position (her text seemed to suggest as such) then 😡 like why can't women just....be evil? young, freckly, innocent-looking women? girls are not untouchable pure objects but full of rage and resentment just as much as anyone can be

bonus ep1 comment: bucky says about that senator whose car he hijacked, "she continued to abuse the power i gave her." fictionaldarling on yt say that he says "i" because he can't disassociate himself from his winter soldier persona which begets endless and senseless guilt. like dude. can i not be emo for like 1 second.

OKay. First off, as much I enjoy your sending it to me, what made you decide to send me these??

-

TFATWS WA #1

Don't worry about getting this to me as early as possible. I usually don't watch the episode right away.

1. Cool writing lesson.

2. Everyone wants a comedy show [like Friends] about the MCU superheroes.

3. Cinematography is always a beautiful thing.

4. Sam definitely has to carve his own Captain America status for himself, outside of Steve's ya know everything.

5. They have to do that for people who was just now tuning in because they're in love with Sam Wilson or Sharon Carter.

6. I think the therapist was taking a 'tough love' approach for Bucky, because she likely has some very strong opinions about the literal assassin she's been assigned to give therapy too. She did not choose to talk to him, she was assigned that make that clear in the second episode.

And, Bucky isn't lying when he said it wasn't a nightmare. It wasn't a nightmare, it was a resurfaced memory. So, technically he wasn't lying - and yes, the camera does move away because while he's saying he didn't have a nightmare, he's not expanding on what actually happened - so, he's still pushing the therapist/us away.

7. Bucky, and Steve, have/had a TON to adjust to.

8. Yeah, I agree that will be the bullshit line they give. If they ever actually talk about it.

TFATW WA #2

Yeah, always got to take advantage of avoiding those spoilers lmfaoo.

1. Honestly, that line was double meaning. Both about White people and Hydra [which is made up of mostly white supremacists/nazis] So, the line is gesturing to both White People in general and Hydra assholes together. I think the terminology is “double edge sword”??

2. This whole paragraph structure confused me, ngl - so I'm going to answer it the best I can. I do like that they're not ignoring the fact that Sam being Black is 1000% the reason he's not the Official Captain America - because the gov't is racist as hell.

I also like the little lines about how they point out little things about Sam's Falcon persona, like that kid calling him 'Black Falcon' specifically and Sam's response show the split between Sam and Falcon itself.

John is a dick for calling Sam the wingman of Steve Rogers. Sam was a hero all on his own before Steve asked him to join up again. [Side note, it's lichrally??]

3. Exactly, the parallel of Sam being profiled and surrounded while just on the street and John being surrounded by fans and being able to spring Bucky with apparently only a few sentences shows a Loooooot

4. Honestly, at this point I wonder if she's not actually a therapist and is just an agent assigned to assess Bucky outside of an Official Building. I do know, however, that her 'look at each other and speak' exercise is actually a real therapy practice. It's just a little slower.

5. Actually, I think he would've blurted that out. That whole line. I don't think Bucky hates Sam. I think they could've done the scene better, but I think that had Sam prodded him/the therapist been more annoying Bucky would've lost control of his emotions and blurted out the whole "If he was wrong about you, he was wrong about me" but I feel like the writing for this show is just... not there. Sometimes you blurt shit when you get overemotional and I think that was what Bucky was supposed to be like.

6. I don't think Sam hates Bucky, I think he doesn't trust him though. I do wish they'd talked about that though. The whole 'talk to each other' scene should've been a LOT longer and a LOT slower.

7. Sam and Bucky's relationship is being fast tracked because they don't really know how to work the relationship out, writers-room-wise. Bucky is technically retired, but I feel like he's trying to live up to Steve's expectations and doing what Steve would've done and we all know that if Steve was there, Steve would've jumped on that plane with Sam. It looks like Sam/Bucky/Joaquin are a side-team based from Military services but as Sam says they're all free agents so...?

8. Sadly, They seem to just be propping up to be another stereotype.

9. Captain America is a symbol. Steve Rogers is a man. But now Steve Rogers is an idol because of all the shit he's been through and honestly, it's not a bad thing he's become an idol for people - it's using Steve as a reason to make White Bread Walker the next Captain that makes Steve's idolization so fucked.

10. I don't know anything about music so I have no opinion here, sorry.

11. Enfys?? Also, I think they did the whole Innocent Girl Thing as side commentary for Bucky lowering his guard about seeing a young girl rather than a guy.

12. Bucky is the Winter Solider. The Winter Solider is Bucky. That is how Bucky will always see it because although he was brainwashed, it was still him and he remembers all of it. When you have constant memories of something 'someone else' did, you tend to not be able to pull the two personas out of each other. I want Bucky to take up the title, White Wolf instead of Winter Soldier. Honest.

This is all my opinion, I’m honestly a little disappointed with the writing of TFATWS so far so... I’m not really optimistic about this.

[halcyonnhood]

Changes || l.h

Summary: Sarah struggles to come to terms with her feelings for Luke, Ashton's a good friend, and Luke is an understanding boyfriend.

Word Count: 3.3k

Warnings: implied past abuse. lots of emotions. a few curse words.

Authors Note: More Luke and Sarah content! Here the first part if you missed it. This part may seem redundant, but that's okay. I think this ended up being a vent fic, so please just try to be nice to me. If you ever have any thoughts about the luke & sarah universe just send me an ask!

- - -

Love feels a lot like sunshine on the first day of spring.

Not that Sarah would know what love feels like. She doesn't. She doesn't even know if she loves Luke romantically, how could anyone be so sure of that? Luke seemed so certain of his feelings when he told her and she had been oblivious to it the entire time. All she knows is that she feels different whenever she's around the lanky man. She feels warmth from the top of her head to the tips of her toes, as if she were basking in comforting sunny rays. Everything seems so much brighter and prettier with him, it reminds her of seeing flowers for the first time after a long snowy winter. She doesn't know if that's what love feels like. She could just be happy to have Luke home.

If Sarah is honest, she's envious of Luke and all of his certainty. He's always been so sure of everything in life. Sure that he was born with music in his bloodstream and talent flowing from his fingertips. Sure that he was made for fame in LA. And he had sounded positively sure when he announced his love for her when he returned from tour. She hadn't been so lucky, in fact, she is the complete opposite and doubts everything. She hasn't quite found her passion in life, she often times regrets moving to LA, and she can't figure out all of these twisted emotions. She wishes it could come to her that easily.

“What're you thinking about?” Luke questions, breaking the girl out of her daze. He twirls more noodles around his fork and watches her with his kind blue eyes.

Sarah bites the inside of her cheek for a moment and decides to tell him the truth, “Love.”

The response nearly makes him choke on a mouthful of food and his coughing sends bits of liquid spewing everywhere. If Sarah hadn't grown accustomed to both him and the boys, she would've considered it gross. She also would've marked this as a failed first date, but it's Luke and it's nothing she hasn't seen before. The sight just makes her laugh as she hands him an extra napkin.

“Love,” Luke repeats. She swears his eyebrows might fly off his face if he raises them any higher, “Love, right. What about it?”

“It's just that you were so certain about it...And I don't do love, Luke.”

Luke's expression softens, “I know.”

“You know?” Sarah looks up at him in confusion.

“I know you don't do love. I know practically everything about you. Sarah, you've only ever told me you loved me once and that was just platonically. That's okay. It's only the first date, I shouldn't have been so quick to say that.”

The two sit in silence for a while, the slurping of noodles being the only noise between them. Sarah wants to be able to tell Luke that she loves him, because that's just what you say in response to someone who loves you. It's something you should say if you think you love someone. It's definitely what you say after you kiss the man that loves you, but the words never come out. Someday she hopes she'll be able to say it to the man and mean it with her entire heart and soul. All she knows currently is that she's enjoying the date and every time he smiles at her, she feels warmer.

“I don't do love, but I do other things. I bake sweets, I take care of petunia, and I write really nice music reviews on every app I own.” Sarah finally breaks the silence. “It isn't a lot-”

“But it's how you show that you love me,” Luke finishes for her.

Sarah lets out the breath she was holding, relieved that he understands, “Yeah. I know my fears are irrational, but I don't want not saying it to stop whatever this is,”

“I have to say, I've enjoyed this date and it'd be an awful shame if a second never happens.” Luke tells her. She can see the playful twinkle in his eyes, but the words ring truthful.

“That really would be disappointing,”  She agrees. “I am looking forward to you beating traditional ramen. That's pretty hard to top,”

“Sounds like a challenge,”

/ / / /

Everything has to change. The seasons, the time, and emotions all go through changes. The summer turns to fall and long days turn to early sunsets. Sarah's tough exterior turns into a poorly supported shield. Which she isn't very happy about. She is not vulnerable. Or soft. She is consistent and strong. But she still finds herself lacking her normal demeanor whenever the blond curly headed demon is around.

Ashton invited Sarah over to his housewarming party, so naturally, she drives over with the tupperware full of cheesecake strapped safely in the passenger seat. The absurdity of buckling food into her car puts her in a giggly mood, but she didn't spend the night before baking it just to have it spilled onto the floorboards. She balances the gift bag on top of the containers and tries to carry it into the new home with steady hands. The task proves itself to be more difficult than she expected, because the bag covers her line of sight, and she doesn't know the layout of the house. She's barely into the foyer and she's already hit her hip on the sharp edge of a decorative side table, making her let out a hiss of obscenities at the pain. Ambling through hallways blindly is obviously not her strong suit, so when the bag is lifted out of her vision, she's happy to find Ashton in front of her. And to properly see the entrance to his house.

“You swear like a sailor, Sarah. You do know that, right?” Ashton asks her with a dimpled smile.

“Only because you have a table in your foyer!” Sarah huffs. Ashton laughs and turns to lead the two of them towards the kitchen, “Who puts tables in a foyer?”

“My interior decorator. It's been two minutes and you're already insulting my house, I'm wounded.” Ashton shakes his head in mock disappointment. He points towards the empty space on the counter next to the wings, so she can set down the containers.

After setting down the contents, she turns and takes in the sight of his new kitchen. She wishes she could find more to insult, but she really enjoys it, “It looks nice, Ash. I like the blue in here.”

“Me too, it feels appropriate. So, what'd you bring this time? Since you nearly fell protecting it,”

“I made two cheesecakes just for you! It took some research, but I made them coffee and cappuccino flavored,” Sarah tells him with an excited smile. “Just had to feed into the addiction,”

Ashton wraps her into a tight hug, “I think that might be the sweetest thing you've ever done. Thank you, Sarbear.”

“You're welcome. Just try it, loser. Since you're my biggest critic and all,”

Sarah leans against the counter while Ashton cuts himself a piece of each. She lets her eyes wander past the kitchen entryway to the living room where she can see some of their friends messing around. She can hear Luke's laugh before she sees him, even just the sound makes her heart race. When she does finally see him in the back of the room, curls bouncing as he laughs with Michael, it makes her heart clench. After multiple dates, lots of hanging out, and scattered kisses, she can still feel her heart melt into a puddle at the bottoms of her feet. And it frustrates her more than anything, because this is not her and this is not how she acts. Not towards Luke or anyone in her life. She can't figure out when she started looking at the man romantically, not in a best friend way or ‘just a couple dates’ way, but full blown “I dreamt I married him once” way. She does not do emotions, no matter what her stupid subconscious might say.

“It tastes delicious,” Ashton tells her. It breaks her daze and she focuses back on the black haired boy who gives her a sly smile.

Her eyebrows raise in shock. A compliment from her friend is rarely heard of when they like arguing so much, “Wait, really? I'm glad you like it,”

“Of course I do.” He rolls his eyes. “I know that look, by the way.”

“What look?”

“The one you have everytime you look at Luke. It's the same one he's given you for the past year. It's the same look that Michael gets when he thinks about Crystal,”

Sarah is immediately shaking her head, because she knows that look. She's seen Luke giving her that look, “No! There's no look. Besides, you guys have only been home for like three months, how can yo-”

“It's been a lot longer than that, he loves you and you know it. Sarah, I know you're this protected, cold, and unfeeling person, but stop denying this.”

“I'm not unfeeling, I just keep my emotions to myself. You learn to with five brothers at home.” She tells him softly, “I do love you and the boys.”

Ashton looks up from his plate in shock, “I love you too.”

“You all have been my best friends since I moved here. I've been up Luke's ass since day one and accepting that my love for him isn't platonic anymore is hard. All I've ever known is best friend Luke, not boyfriend Luke who is romantic and soft.”

“He can still be best friend Luke, but with a few upgrades. Admitting that you love people will not make the world implode. You'll be fine telling him,” Ashton encourages.

Sarah stares at Ashton silently. She's never realized that he could read her so well, but she's not sure what else she expected. He could see that she loves Luke and he can tell she's scared. She just wishes these things were as easy for her as it is for everyone else.

“And that's coming from the brother who wouldn't say that unless he trusted both of you completely.”

Ashton eats his piece of cheesecake in silence after that, the sounds of their friends filling the empty space. Deep down, Sarah knows that he's right. She knows that Luke loves her and she should tell him that she loves him too, but there's something terrifying about the unpredictability of emotions. She could tell him she loves him and there's the chance that his feelings could change. Or maybe he would realize he never loved her at all. If something ever did happen between them, could they ever go back to being best friends? Even worse than that, she hopes she never has to go back to being only friends.

What's the worst thing that could happen? Sarah knows that Luke loves her, he may have taken a step back from vocalizing it, but he shows it in other ways now. The worst thing is that she gets nervous and bails while trying to tell him. It wouldn't be so bad, to be able to show him her feelings for once. Right when she decides to tell him, Ashton bumps her shoulder and breaks her focus.

He holds his fork out to her with the last bite of cheesecake on it, “It's delicious, I swear. It's just rich and you're over here feeding me two slices.”

“You made the choice to try both,” She shakes her head, but still takes the fork to finish it. “Thank you though. I know how hard it is for you to compliment me.”

“Ashton complimented you? That's a miracle.” Luke comments. The unexpected sound of his voice makes Sarah jump, which brings out bubbling giggles from both men.

“Don't expect it too often. Anywho, I have a party to host. Catch up with you guys later!” Ashton winks at her, then leaves the two alone in the shiney new kitchen.

“Hey, honey.” Luke whispers as he pulls her into a tight embrace, “What were you guys talking about?”

Sarah snuggles into the warmth of his hug, “Just my absolutely amazing coffee flavored cheesecake and his poor choice of tables in foyers,”

“Sounds like an entertaining conversation,” He chuckles. He releases his grip from her and studies her playful expression.

"Oh, absolutely! You really missed out on that one. Just about as exciting as Ashton could get!”

"That's a shame, I must be so boring in comparison. I was just going to ask if you wanted to come over to my house after this.”

Sarah blinks up at his hopeful eyes and tries to keep the smile on her face, but she feels her brows furrowing some, “It'll be pretty late once we leave, Lu”

“I was asking if you'd like to stay the night with me.” Luke tells her softly.

His face has gone all serious and there's something in the sincerity of him inviting her over that just makes her crack right then and there. Sarah wants, scratch that, needs to tell him about the mess going on in her mind. He always knows how to organize the mess and it's not going anywhere until she finally admits what the issue is.

“I think we should talk,” She lets out a nervous sigh. By the look on his face, she can tell that's the wrong response to the invitation, but he recovers quickly and just gives her a tiny nod.

“Yeah, of course! Let's just get some privacy.”

Luke leads her to one of the rooms upstairs and explains that it's a guest room. He keeps glancing at their intertwined fingers and she knows that he must be thinking of the worst possible scenarios. She really wishes he wouldn't, she's just scared and needs to talk to both best friend Luke and boyfriend Luke. To accept that there's a difference in the two now, but all the same. And she needs to realize that no, the world will not implode if she tells him she loves him. It didn't when she told Ashton and it won't this time. The world will still be here continuing on with life and she'll be a bit more soft around the edges.

Except that Sarah has never learned to be soft or vulnerable. She grew up with five brothers and drunk parents. She was never given the chance to act like a proper little girl. It was always screaming, fighting, and blood. There were never any tears shed or lapses in her tough exterior, because the situation hadn't allowed for it. So, when she packed up and moved to LA she tried her best to push her own limits and act girly. She learned how to do makeup on her own and taught herself how to bake, without five boys waiting to make fun of her or parents to take everything away. She was trying to work on expressing herself when she met the boys and being surrounded by four boys meant that the exterior went right back up. They are her family here in LA and that means having three more brothers to protect herself from. She isn't sure she'll ever get the chance to be soft, but she wants to be. Especially for Luke.

Luke squeezes her hand lightly as the two sit on the bed. Sarah can't make out his expression or what he's thinking, but she still squeezes his fingers back in response.

“Are you breaking up with me?” Luke asks, breaking the silence. The question lingers heavily in the air and Sarah wishes a black hole would swallow her whole.

“Of course not,”

This time, Sarah can feel his warm blue eyes burning into her skin, “It feels like you're going to.”

“I'm not, I promise.” She tells him with furrowed eyebrows. She stares at the cream colored carpet beneath her feet and makes a note to tell Ashton that it was a bad choice. Light colored carpets are just asking for stains.

"I know we're still in the ‘new’ stage of this relationship and I'm really not trying to push you into being more serious. But you need to tell me things,” Luke lets go of her hand.

She watches as he paces the length of the room and struggles to piece together the words she needs to say. Everything is scattered in pieces, the words that Ashton told her, what she wants to say, and the stupid fucking carpets. But nothing is coming out, yet again.

“You never tell me things and I'm really trying to understand, but I can't when you used to tell me everything. If you can't talk to me and we're only three months in, we can't do this. Sarah, I am trying my best here and I don't know what else to do.”

"I told you everything because you were my best friend. And now you're my boyfriend and things feel different.” Sarah says quietly.

“I'm still your best friend,” Luke tells her. He squats in front of her sitting spot and strokes a thumb over her soft hand.

Sarah avoids his gaze, “I am used to being cold, it's just how I grew up. I had to. Then I met you and was able to express some things to you. Now that we're together there's a whole new set of emotions and I have never had to deal with them.”

“Are you trying to s-” Luke starts, but she cuts him off. He just pushes a strand of hair behind her ear and watches as she takes in a shaky breath.

“I love you, Luke.” Sarah tells him. And she waits for the world to implode, for the house to crumple on top of her, or for him to laugh. The only thing that happens is Luke looking up at her with glassy eyes as he kisses the backs of her hands.

“I love you too, Sarah.” He smiles, “Is that what all this was about?”

“I was scared that something bad would happen if I told you. That you would change your mind or you would laugh at me...I don't know, my family never reacted well to me talking about love and I didn't want a repeat of that.”

"Oh, honey,” Luke whispers and joins her on the bed so he can wrap his arms around her. “I would never ever do that to you.”

Sarah leans into the warmth, “I'm trying to get better at this. I just have to remember that you guys are different and emotions aren't weaknesses for you.”

"Never. You're human, you're supposed to be emotional. I know your family wasn't very nice to you, but you're here now. You have a loving boyfriend and three brothers who would do anything for you.” Luke explains softly.

Luke wipes the tears from her cheeks and places a kiss on her forehead. He remembers Sarah telling him stories about her family and how she wasn't too fond of them. She ended up in survival mode most of the time, but it never hit him that she was so cold because of it. He doesn't even think that she had realized that before tonight. She was just scared of emotions and didn't know what love felt like due to family. He hopes that she knows that they would never treat her badly.

“I'm sorry for crying all over you, I promise that it's not because of you,” Sarah giggles a bit, “I just love you so fucking much and I can say it,”

“You can say it,” Luke laughs with her, “I love you more than you'd ever realize.”

For once in Sarah's life, she feels completely at peace. She can do the whole “emotional” thing and nothing bad will happen, because all the bad stuff is in the past. It feels good to admit all the pent up stuff. And most importantly, loving luke DOES feel like sunshine on the first day of spring. Warm, fuzzy, and everything nice.

And she's certain that she's happy. So sure of it. She gets to be happy with the best person in her life and that's all she could ask for.

[swiftlymoniquesblog]

A Christmas Like No Other- Sam x Reader (Requested)

Requested by @cigarettesandcoffeetalk: Can we get a cutesy sam x reader like they've known each other a while and are very flirtatious with each other but she insists it's platonic even though they both like each other. I think it's cute and I'd write one but nursing school doesn't give me time thanks love your account!

Warnings: Pining, FLUFF!

Word Count: 2342

A/N: I got carried away with this one! This is my longest single post ever plus the first-holiday one! Since Sam doesn’t like Halloween, here is a Christmas one!

As always, master and prompt lists are found in this post. Tag list requests are open for all works or single works. Feedback is greatly appreciated!

Xxx Monique

It’s the day after Thanksgiving, or Black Friday as others know it, and the buzz of Christmas is already floating around the Bunker. You had invited other hunters that you knew were close by and decided to have a decorating party. Sam and Dean thought it was pretty silly to go to this extreme to decorate for Christmas, considering they never had a traditional Christmas celebration, but because they knew how much you loved this time of year, they went along with it, helping out in any way they could. Guests had started showing up and everyone was asked to bring their favorite decorations. Sure, holidays weren’t typically celebrated by hunters, but you wanted to make this year special. 

“So, Bobby brought a tree, Donna and Jody have lights, tinsel, and ornaments for the tree, Jack found a box of stockings with more lights and tinsel, and Cas found a train to run under the tree. Anything else?” You ask Sam as he was tacking some decorations on the wall above you. 

“Yeah, did you find a mistletoe? Maybe I can finally kiss those pretty lips of yours.” The younger Winchester joked to you, wiggling his eyebrows as he looked down at you.

“Yeah, you wish, Winchester.” You scoff, rolling your eyes at him.

You had Sam had been best friends since you moved into the Bunker roughly five years ago. At first, things were intense and quiet between you two, making things awkward and uncomfortable. You hated being anywhere near him because he never spoke to you or hardly acknowledged your presence until you finally demanded him to “buck up, be a man, and acknowledge me you friggin’ twit!” And since that day, after a year of the awkwardness, Sam made an effort to make sure you knew he cared about you. When you two were around one another, there were conversations about what house was better in Harry Potter, who would the other date in the Potter Universe, what kinds of spells would be the most fun or difficult to cast, if Quidditch was considered safe, and the various types of animals to adopt as pets. Dean had dubbed you two, Potter nerd 1 and Potter nerd 2. Then, you and Sam had been making all sorts of healthy foods to snack on and have as meals, to which Dean would argue and whine about like a child. He’d huff, grab Baby’s keys, and drive off to the nearest diner for his usual burger/beer/pie get up. 

Things between you and Sam only grew closer with each passing day. You two would try to spend as much time together as possible but nothing more ever came from that. Everyone assumed and constantly asked if you two were dating because you were so alike and were always with one another, but you were just the best of friends. The flirting only starting happening within in the last year. Sam was normally not a flirt but he found a certain confidence that you never knew he had. Anytime he would flirt and make jokes about dating or kissing, anything like that, you would just roll your eyes and blush. 

“Like what you see?” Sam said flirtatiously as he caught you staring at his exposed stomach that was revealed by his shirt, as he reached a little higher to string some lights outside. 

You felt your cheeks redden up and you looked away from him.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You said. 

“Yeah, okay (y/n/n). Hold the ladder so I don’t break my neck.” Sam says overly dramatic and turns to face the ladder. You stand at the bottom, hands on both sides, as he takes one step at a time, and slowly comes closer to you. You have to look away once more because his perfectly toned ass was striaght in your view. 

“Oh sorry, was my ass in your way?” Sam smirked as he could tell you were staring at him.

“Whatever.” You say, rolling your eyes once again. 

“You know, if you keep rolling your eyes, they’ll get stuck like that.” He points out and pokes your cheek.

“That’s impossible.” You say.

“Maybe, but it did make you smile.” He says with a proud little smile on his face that made your heart flutter. You had to admit, but never to him, that you had a crush on him, especially within the last year. Sam was your rock; you could talk to him about anything and everything. But what made you fall for him was the fact that he was there for you whenever you needed him. It could be two in the morning and you could’ve just had a nightmare and he’d be in your room in an instant to check up on you.

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re okay. You were just dreaming. I got you. I’m right here.” He would hold you in his lap and rock you until you fell asleep, snuggled face in his stomach. And he loved every minute of it.

Just like you, Sam would never admit he had real feelings for you. He had a hard exterior, much like Dean, but when you were around him, he could let his walls down and let you see the vulnerable side of him. Why he liked you so much, was because you were always honest with him and even when he was a complete jerk to you, you’d call him out on it and would stay by his side, regardless of what he said to you. You knew he never meant it and would apologize profusely when he came back around. Your loyalty was one of Sam’s favorite things about you. Even when Dean would give him space, you wouldn’t. You forced him to talk about whatever was going on but after some cooldown time. Yes, Sam loved you one hundred percent and he didn’t care who knew it, as long as it wasn’t you. Your friendship was too important to risk losing so he’d bury his feelings for you for the sake of staying in your life.

“Alrighty guys, I got some hot cocoa all fixed up; who wants some?” Donna said, coming into the main room from the kitchen.

“Ooh, me!” You yell and jump up, rushing into the kitchen with her. 

Sam smiled fondly at you as he watched your childlike behavior and a few people took notice of him.

“Why don’t you just tell her?” Jody said, coming to stand right by the taller man.

“What are you talking about?” He says, looking over to the Sheriff. 

“You love y/n. Everyone here can see it, Sam. She’s your best friend and by the looks of the way she interacts with you too, she loves you too.” Jody explains but Sam just shakes his head. 

“I could never be with y/n. Come on, Jods, you know everyone I get close to gets hurt or freaking dies! I can’t lose her. I won’t lose her.” 

“So, you’re going to spend the rest of your life being miserable because you can’t be with the woman you love? Seriously, Sam? You are a college graduate; you can’t be that dumb.”

“Look, Jody, I’ve been in love with y/n since the day I met her but I love her too much to let her get that close to me. And in a way, I think she knows that. She knows my history with relationships so we’ve never crossed those lines before.” 

“I give up. But don’t you dare hurt that girl or I will hurt you.” Jody said.

“Of course not. I love her too much. I’d kill myself first before it ever comes to that.” 

“What? Why the sad faces?” You say coming back into the room two cups of cocoa in your hand, one for you and one for Sam. You had tons of whipped cream on yours to which Sam couldn’t help but smile. He walks to you and takes a bit of the whipped cream on his index finger and then swipes your nose. 

You gasp and yell, “SAM! Oh my gosh!” 

“Hey y/n, you got a little something on your nose,” Dean said, looking confused at you.

“Tell me about it.” You say and just before you turn away to wipe the cream away, Sam grabs your wrist and has you turn to look at him. He leans down and licks the cream off your nose, the feeling of his tongue on your nose sent electric waves through your body. 

“There. All gone.” He says in a soft tone and holds eye contact with you. Your heart was racing and you could hear it beating in your ears but he stepped around you and left you to think about what had just happened. 

“Come on y/n, Bobby has the tree up!” Jack yelled, coming to see you and pull you into the living area where the very tall tree stood in a corner. There was already a red skirt underneath and all the decorations were out. For the next few hours, the room was filled with chatter and holiday music playing in the background; everyone working together to decorate the tree. Alas, after a good three hours, the tree was finished. Everyone took a step back to look at it before you made a rather corny joke. 

“Hey Cas, would it be weird if we asked you to sit up there?” Everyone besides him and Jack laughed, not understanding that some traditions have angels on top of trees.

“That was a really bad joke, y/n,” Dean said.

“Yes, but that’s what I’m good at; telling bad jokes.” You shrug. 

“And that’s why we love you,” Sam said, looking right at you, smiling softly. 

This boy HAS TO STOP making me blush like this! You think to yourself. Damnit, Sammy.

You shake your head at him and rush outside, tears escaping in the process. You couldn’t handle it anymore. Just being around him, caused you to not be able to breathe anymore. You stood outside, in the front of the newly decorated Bunker, where Sam had put up lights from earlier, and began thinking everything over. There is no way Sam likes you, is there? You and he have been best friends for four of the five years you knew each other and then he started flirting with you like crazy. What could that even mean? He’s not normally known to flirt but lately? He was relentless and you couldn’t think straight. That was what you were afraid of; getting too close to him. You loved him so much but knew his track record with women and knew not to get too close. Yet, he wouldn’t let up on flirting so maybe he was okay with it? A relationship with you wouldn’t be anything like he had experienced before, you knew that much, but to get him to go along with a relationship, well that was the hardest thing you were going to do.

“Y/N!” You hear him call you so you quickly wipe your eyes, so he couldn’t see how upset you were. When he reached you, you turned from him, not wanting to see that considered puppy dog look. 

“Were you crying?” Damnit, he knew.

“No.” You say and sniff. 

“You’re a horrible liar.” He chuckles and you couldn’t look at him. 

“Would you look at me?” Sam puts a hand on your cheek for you to look up at him.

There they were; those puppy dog eyes. “Why did you run?”

“Because I can’t be around you.”

“And why is that?” 

“I can’t say.” 

“You love me, don’t you?” He asks, in all seriousness. Your mouth opens and closes like a fish, trying to come to terms with what he was implying. 

“Wha-what? No, pshhhhht. No, what are you? What are you talking about?” 

Sam takes this as a way to finally make his move. He smirks as he steps closer to you and looks down at you. 

“You know exactly what I’m talking about.” And before you could say a rebuttal, his lips slammed down on yours. You instantly kissed him back, stretching up on your tiptoes to gain better access to the much taller man as he leaned down closer to you. He held you close to him as his lips continued to devour yours. You felt a pang of throbbing in the back of your head because your mind was starting to go into overdrive. This was what you’ve been waiting for, for four years and you never wanted to stop. At some point, Sam had lifted you to his level so you both could reach each other better, his tongue pushing past your lips effortlessly, as you continued letting all your feelings out for one another. When you finally broke apart for air, you both had a difficult time catching your breath. 

“Let’s go inside, it’s freezing out here,” Sam said, rubbing his hands down your arms before wrapping an arm around your shoulders to lead you back inside. 

“Well, we were wondering what happened to you two,” Jody smirked at Sam, knowing exactly what happened. 

“Yeah, Sammy was eating y/n’s face,” Dean said causing you to hide behind Sam in embarrassment. 

“Dean.” He said in a warning tone but squeezed your shoulder so you could stand next to him. 

“It’s about damn time, you idjits,” Bobby said.

“Well excuse me for wanting to make sure this one wasn’t going to be like the others,” Sam says defensively.

“Come on, Sammy, this is y/n we’re talking about. She’s nothing like the other girls you’ve been with.” Dean said. 

“It’s true. She’s got a whole army of hunters behind her.” Jody added. 

“You guys are right. I’m just glad we both are finally together.” Sam said, looking above his head to see a mistletoe and he smiled at you as you said, “Me too.” And he leaned down to kiss you once more, under the mistletoe. 

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