#a bunch of word vomit

[surreal-duck]

master artist and his number one fan

guy who is being so normal about the new additions to their profiles. i think abt midoris initial infatuation with his art slowly developing into appreciating yuzuru himself as a person and idol to the point he worries about how he sees him (ex: a bit of home party and in workplace survival rules) sometimes thats a lie i think about it a lot. and yuzuru learning to enjoy art just for the sake of drawing!! seeing the lets try diy story where he doesnt even refute drawing on midoris desk and was only worried that his doodles might cover up the mascot design compared to how discouraged he usually would be in earlier ! stories. everything to me i adore their dynamic if that wasnt obvious by *gestures to basically everything*

and happy pride month 🏳‍🌈

[munsonfamilyband]

In Everything But Blood

Alright, I finished the giant paper I had to write (40 pages jesus christ) and then grad school kind of kicked my ass for a while BUT I AM HERE, back from a months long hiatus to finally write the claudia henderson thing I wrote weeks ago. Enjoy, there will be more but this was so long and I only got to like halfway through it but I wanted to post this.

TW!!!! Seriously TW, graphic descriptions of gore and injuries, medical talk, THIS IS NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE GRAPHIC ON PURPOSE

~~~~~~~~~~

Steve wasn't fully aware of how he was still moving but he wasn't going to question it as he sprints into the hospital behind Nancy and Robin, Eddie draped over his back and getting blood everywhere, Dustin limping as fast as he could behind them. He would probably be panicking more if he couldn't feel the little puffs of air Eddie was breathing out every few seconds against his neck.

The nurses all turn to the doors when Nancy slams them open and while there are already plenty of people who look worse for wear in the waiting room, no one looks quite like the group that just walked in. They're all covered in dirt and ash and sweat and lake water and blood blood bloodbloodblood-

Okay, maybe Steve is starting to panic a little.

Nancy yells for help when no one immediately moves and the gun she's holding definitely helps encourage any nurses and doctors to get over any issues they have treating Eddie.

Robin has to pry Steve's hands off of Eddie's pants. He didn't want to let him go, too scared that he would die and Steve wouldn't be there to help. She manages to gently guide him away from the doors they took Eddie through and she sits him down in a chair before sitting next to him and leaning her head on his shoulder.

"He'll be okay, Stevie. We got him here, he's okay."

Steve knows that she's only saying it to help calm him down, and probably to calm herself down too, but he appreciates it all the same.

As they sit there Steve feels the adrenaline starting to fade and he gets a very stark reminder of how his sides are stinging and every breath makes his shirt rub against the scrapes on his back and arms. If he hadn't been in a state of panic already, worried about Eddie and Max and Lucas and Erica and-

He takes a deep breath and leans into Robin's weight at his side. He can't get help yet, not until he knows everyone else is okay.

(If he were feeling braver he might also admit that he's been a little scared of doctors since Scoops, but he's not feeling very brave at the moment.)

A little while later Steve sees Lucas and Erica and forces himself to stand, hurrying over to check on them, to find out where Max is. He instantly knows that something went wrong when Erica slams into him and holds on tight. He only gets more concerned when Lucas leans in to hold onto Erica and Steve at the same time. And then the pit gets bigger when he feels tears hit his shirt.

"Lucas, hey, you're alright. Hey, look at me- hey. What happened? Where's Max?" Steve stares at Lucas's face as he speaks, trying to get an idea of how he's feeling.

Lucas takes a shuddering breath in before he answers, "She-she-.. it was going fine and then... Jason-Jason fuckin'- he crushed her Walkman and I couldn't-she was floating and Jason had-had a gun and I-She was-was dead, for a minute, and then she-she just started breathing again and I dont-"

Steve pulls Lucas closer again, a hand on the back of his neck to give him support as he spoke quietly. "Okay, alright, you did good. She's here, right? She'll be okay. She's gonna be okay." Steve stayed there with them for who knows how long, only separating when he heard a familiar voice gasp from the door.

"Oh thank god, Erica, Lucas!"

Both of them turned to see their mom in the waiting room and ran at her, where she met them in a crushing hug. As Sue held her children close she looked up, tears falling and made eye contact with Steve. Steve saw her mouth 'Thank you' to him and it made his stomach fall to his feet. Sue had always adored Steve for protecting her kids, first from Billy and then in the "fire" at the mall. But this time, Steve was the reason they got hurt. He let them go off on their own and they got hurt.

He nods and walks back over to Robin and Dustin where they're sitting, suddenly remembering his injuries again as he moves away from the Sinclairs. He has to force himself to walk normally just to make it to the chair, only to nearly collapse back into it.

~~~~

"Alright, time to go, Dust. Now that your foot's been treated I really need to get you home. Claudia is going to start calling morgues if I don't," Steve grunts out as he helps heave Dustin out of his seat and get settled on his crutches. Robin stands once Dustin is steady and she follows them out of the hospital and climbs into the passenger of Steve's car. (Nancy had left once Eddie was taken to stash the RV somewhere and she came back with his beemer. Steve isn't going to ask.)

The ride to Dustin's house is quiet, Steve can tell each of them is silently asking anything out there that the Henderson house was spared. Thankfully when they pulled into the driveway the house was in one piece and only seconds after parking Claudia is yanking open the front door and running out to meet them at the car.

She runs up to Dustin who had managed to stand up using the car as support and they both cling to each other in tears. Steve watches them for a moment before he has to look away or he'll start crying. He spaces out for a bit, just holding Robin's hand when he get startled by the harsh knocks on his window. Looking up, he locks eyes with Claudia and he can't quite read her expression but he can hear her say, "Get your butt out of that car, Steve, I need to look at you. You too, Robbie."

He and Robin make eye contact for a split second before hurrying to comply. As soon as Steve is standing fully he finds himself being yanked down into a hug, Claudia's arms wrapped around his shoulders.

Steve has to take a deep, shaky breath and blink very quickly to stop any tears. He loves Claudia's hugs, they feel like birthdays and Christmas and being wrapped in a fuzzy blanket with hot chocolate all at once. When he hears her mumbling about how glad she is that he's okay, well, maybe he cries a little.

After he and Robin are both fully looked at by Claudia and then each given at least 3 hugs, they climb back into his car and pull away form the Hendersons.

"Am I taking you home or are you coming with me?" Steve glances over at Robin as he says it. He knows the answer without he responding, just because her face pinches in the way it does when she's afraid of making Steve sad.

"I know last time we went to yours but I just... I need to see my parents. I'm so sorry-"

"Robs, it's okay to want to check on your parents. I'm not upset. Can you just.. keep your walkie on our channel tonight?" Steve glances at her again, getting hit with another Robin look that says she can see right through him.

"Always, Stevie. I am sorry though, I hate the idea of you in that house alone."

"I'll be okay, Robbie. I'm just gonna sleep as soon as I get home anyways."

Robin stares at him for a moment longer and then nods, grabbing one of his hands to hold in hers for the last half of the drive. She only lets it go to give him a tight squeeze before hurrying out of the car to her front door.

Steve waits until she's safely inside before he pulls away and goes to his own house.

The moment he shuts the door behind himself it feels like all of the energy in his body has been drained away. He can barely keep himself standing, only the pain that shoots down his spin when he leans back onto the door keeps him upright.

He forces himself to trudge upstairs and goes right to the bathroom. He starts with getting the clothes off, deciding to just cut them off so he doesn't have to lift his arms.

Then comes the cleaning. He first tries to shower but he can only handle standing with pressured water pelting his back and soap stinging his feet for a minute at the most. When he gives up on the shower he figures he should at least try to clean the bites.

One second he's standing in front of the mirror and reaching to pull off the fabric, the next his whole body is covered in sweat and he's sitting on his ass on the tile floor. His hands are shaking at he wants to vomit from the pain.

No changing the bandage then.

Steve forces himself to at least wash his face and hands with a washcloth before he collapses directly into bed and falling asleep in seconds.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Claudia is worried. She had already been a little concerned when Steve showed up two days earlier for lunch with a flushed face and too pale skin. She watched him and he didn't act any different but she kept note of it so that she could watch him. But then, when they were supposed to have lunch at 12 and Steve still hadn't shown up or even called by 1, well, Claudia was concerned. Steve always insisted on being on time, claiming it came from all the sports he had done (but she had heard him mumble about his parents harassing him about being late before when he had a head injury, so she just nodded along to his excuses). Being an hour late was entirely out of character and something in her gut, the same feeling she had experienced multiple times over the past few years about her Dusty, told her that she needed to go see him, and soon.

Dustin was thankfully not at home, spending the afternoon with the Wheelers, so she didn't have to tell him what was happening before she got into her car and drove to Steve's house.

What greeted her when she parked only made her more nervous. Steve, she had noticed, had strange habits relating to many things. He had to sit close enough to touch the person next to him, he tried to hide it but he never kept alcohol in the house anymore, he kept the curtains closed facing the backyard, and he always, always leaves the porch light on.

But that afternoon in early April, the porch light was off.

Claudia parked quickly and hurried to the front door, not even bothering with knocking. Instead she pulled out the key Steve had made for her and Dusty after the previous summer and let herself in.

The dread that had been growing in her gut only intensified when she entered the house and a very familiar smell hit her nose.

Body odor, sweat and salt and morning breath.

Bodily fluids, urine and vomit. And blood.

Infection, sickly sweet rot mixing with something like ammonia.

Time seemed to freeze as Claudia ran up the stairs, calling Steve's name all the while. She knew those smells, she had dealt with them at work too many times to not know them, and to smell them in relation to Steve made her blood run cold. She needed to see him, this boy who cared for her Dusty so much, this boy who had wormed his way into her heart, this boy who was her son.

Rushing into Steve's room she was greeted by her worst fears. Steve was lying on his bed, the sheets clearly kicked off and tangled around his ankles. He was only wearing his boxers and they had clearly not been changed in a few days, stained with his sweat and urine. His skin was covered in sweat, his chest and cheeks were bright red and the rest of his skin was a waxy yellow. He was shirtless, vomit covering his chin and chest and staining the pillow and sheets below him. He had what looked like scraps of a sweater or shirt wrapped loosely around his stomach. It was filthy, saturated with sweat, blood, dirt and pus. The smell in the room was much stronger than by the front door, her eyes watering briefly before she forced herself to focus. She was a nurse, she could handle this.

Claudia moved to the bed and gently kneeled onto the mattress. As she moved closer she could hear Steve mumbling to himself but it was so quiet and so slurred that nothing was legible. Claudia placed a hand on his forehead and jerked back in shock at how hot his skin was. Glancing around frantically for anything to help she saw the phone at his bedside table and grabbed it, punching in 911 before cradling the receiver between her ear and shoulder as she continued to check over Steve.

The next moments all passed in a blur for Claudia as she explained who she was and where she was to the dispatcher before they hung up and she waited for the ambulance to arrive. The ride to the hospital passed in what seemed like a blink of an eye and suddenly Claudia found herself in the empty waiting room at Hawkins General and she became aware of two equally important facts.

Her sweater and hands were saturated with Steve's sweat and blood.

She needed to call Robin.

The blood would have to wait, because she knew that Robin would want to be there for Steve so she managed to wipe her hand with some tissues before dialing the Buckley's house.

"Buckley residence, this is Robin," Robin's voice came through the receiver and Claudia let out a loud sigh.

"Robbie, honey, thank goodness you're home. I have some bad news. I'm at the hospital right now sweetie, it's about Steve." Claudia paused after she finished speaking, waiting to see what Robin would say. Unfortunately for Claudia, rather than saying anything, she had to listen to a gut wrenching gasp and sob from Robin, so she chose to keep talking. "I went to his house and found him in his room. I think he had been hurt and it got infected. If your parents are home, I think you should come here, he would want you here."

Robin mumbled a few okays, clearly through tears before she hung up. In the silence after Claudia had no choice but to go clean herself up, allowing herself a minute to collapse onto a toilet seat and cry. Her boy was hurt and she couldn't help him, he was so hurt he didn't even know she was there and she didn't know what to do.

Robin arrived about 10 minutes after they ended their call with a surprise in tow.

Jim Hopper, thinner and without a mustache, but somehow alive and marching into the hospital like he was going into hell. Knowing about his daughter, he probably felt like he was in hell.

Robin spotted Claudia first and ran over to her, arms open and Claudia pulled her right into a tight hug, rocking her back and forth the way Steve always loves. Robin held back just as tight and cried into her shoulder while Claudia whispered to her, "He'll be okay, he's going to be okay."

Jim didn't say anything, just nodded - as if she hadn't thought he was dead until that moment - before he collapsed into a chair, head in his hands and knee bouncing with anxiety.

Hours passed, Robin had curled herself up in a chair next to Claudia and was leaning into her side. Jim had moved to sit on the other side of Robin and surprisingly she reached out and held his hand.

After ages of sitting there in silence a doctor walked through the doors. Claudia recognized her immediately and knew that she had been lucky to find Steve alive if she had been called in. Dr. Graham was one of the only wound specialists they had at the hospital and she focused on the worst cases.

Claudia straightened in her seat, her two companions also coming to attention as Dr. Graham came to sit with them.

"Hello, Claudia. I'm sorry you had to come in on your day off but you got very lucky. If you hadn't brought him in today he may have gone into sepsis. Thankfully he has you listed as his emergency contact so I can fill you in on everything. I want to start by saying that he is currently stable and on heavy medication. He had multiple heavily infected wounds, primarily on his abdomen but there was also apparent road rash across the back of his arms and upper back. We were able to debride the wounds from the rash relatively easily but his abdomen was more difficult. The bandage he had been using was extremely dirty and not made for wound coverage so many fibers had been imbedded into the open wounds. Luckily there had been little necrotizing fasciitis but there was enough that we had to remove the dead tissue. I do want to make sure you understand that he was very seriously injured and delayed treatment made it worse. We are going to test the pus we collected for different bacteria to narrow down the treatment for him but I'm thinking it may be leptospirosis, since he is visibly jaundiced and the injures are obviously animal bites. We have him sedated currently and on heavy antibiotics in the ICU. If you wear protective gear you can visit him for a little bit, but only people on his emergency contact list can come."

Claudia's head was spinning, she was hearing the words being said and she was following the doctor down the hall to the ICU. She was putting paper scrubs on over her clothes and donning a mask and gloves, but it was all in a daze. She needed to see Steve, she needed to see him breathing, then she would be okay.

She was not okay.

Seeing Steve only made her collapse into a chair in tears. He looked so small in the hospital bed, wrapped in wires and tubes. But he was breathing. Robin collapsed onto the foot of his bed and bent over his shins while she sobbed and Jim stumbled into the wall by the door with a hand over his eyes as his shoulders shook with silent anguish. They knew he wasn't out of the woods yet, but he was breathing and he had to be okay.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alright that was part one, I'm working on the next half but wow that ended up being really long

Taglist

@maya-custodios-dionach @ape31 @eldtritchlizardblast @y4r3luv @devondespresso @zerokrox-blog @disrespectedgoatman @finntheehumaneater @estrellami-1 @jonesn4coffee @whatexactlyismyhoohah @lingeringmirth @my-hyperfixations-hell-blog @spectrum-spectre @steddieasitgoes @puppy-steve @frankenstein-ate-my-left-shoe @nburkhardt @sllooney @princessstevemunson @yellowdevilkitten @emchant3d @steddie-island @afewproblems

[whohasthecards]

Bradley, Bob, & Jake as Brothers

Just imagining the dynamic if these three because of the Dagger Squad and Mav and Ice began started to bond.

Bradley: An only child who was suddenly given 2 baby brothers.

Goose and Carol's only son, became a Mama's boy

After Goose died, the class of '86 helped chip in to raise him, meaning before they settled in with their own families he got the attention of so many uncles.

Mav of course took the most active role, basically being the father-figure to Bradley after Goose died. Bradley sees him more as a dad than Goose, that's why it hurt so much when Mav pulled his papers.

Then suddenly, the mission happened, they turn into a permanent squadron, and wow is Mav bringing Jake and Bob around more and more.

Hmmm, so Bob's former squadron giving him some trouble? No they're not.

Goddammit, Jake, give that back, right now!

Bradley: Hangman's the worst, selfish prick (Jake ate his leftovers). Some guy: Yeah, the guy's a fucking selfish assho- Bradley: What the fuck did you just say?

Bob: The youngest child given an older brother that actually pays attention to him and a younger brother that he needs to protect.

Big age difference between him and his siblings, he's the baby, was born when his siblings were already teenagers and young adults, focused on their own lives than him.

He was spoiled and loved by his family though, but they couldn't give him a lot of time and attention. His siblings were building their own lives, his parents were getting older, and he was an "easy kid". Bob was quiet, easy to please, easy to ignore.

When he said he wanted to join the Navy, his family was not supportive and doubted his ability. Deeply hurt him.

Then Bradley came, who would actually listen to him. Ruffle his hair and offer to hang out with him. They would play instruments together and stuff. Who defended him against his former squadron when they were making fun of him.

Then there was Jake who loved poking fun at him, but never in a mean way. Who would forget to eat when he was busy or having fun, making him have to shove fruit snacks in his mouth. Who would simultaneously teach and make fun of him when playing pool.

Bob: Come on, Rooster, not the hair (Bob rolled his eyes as Bradley ruffled his hair) Bradley: Awww, you're taking after Jakey, caring about your hair so much. Bob: Well, we actually want to look presentable (scrunches his nose at Bradley's Hawaiian shirt) Bradley: How rude.

Jake: The forcibly responsible, yet ignored middle-child, being given 2 older brothers who are protective of him, and finally gives him the chance to be free.

Jake is the middle child, have two older siblings and one younger sibling. His parents were neglectful, did not care enough.

He and his siblings used to be tight, but due to circumstances falls apart.

His older brother is a Navy SEAL, but suffers from PTSD, when he's on leave, he gets into trouble and drinks too much. He has to bail his brother out a couple of times.

His older sister began to be distant, he doesn't know where she is, she sends money and calls every now and then, but she started a new life. Whenever Jake asks for help, she refuses, claiming that Jake is strong and smart enough, that he can do it. (Jake simultaneously can't blame her and is resentful of her)

His younger sister needs financial support since she's just a teenager, she's in college right now and Jake is extremely proud of her. Just lonely as well. She's doing well for herself, Jake wants to protect her innocence. He acts more like her dad than their dad ever was.

Jake always has to be the rock, steady and strong. He's just tired.

He's a twenty-something, and he wants to be a twenty-something, careless and free. Fuck up and have fun every once in a while.

Then Bradley and Bob comes in.

He can't help but allow himself to play around with them, mess with them, tease them. They make him let his guard down, it's fun being around them, he's not responsible of them outside of being their teammate.

And they actually pay attention to him, and dote over him. He grumbles about them being overprotective or being too much of a mother hen, but he's sad whenever they hesitate to ruffle his hair, wondering if they were overstepping.

Maybe one day, he'll tell them about his family.

Jake (sinks 8-ball in): HAH! I won this game Bobert, pay up Bob (rolls his eyes as he pushes the cup of peanuts towards Jake): Eat up, you mean. Bradley (Ruffles Jake's hair): You gotta let him win once in a while. Jake (pouts): But how will he learn? And plus, how else would I be able to get some peanuts?

[total-drama-brainrot]

father ophe shall you psychoanalize courtney

specifically her Problems™️

You know, as much as I'd like to say Courtney deserved better than she got, for the most part I think a lot of her suffering in Total Drama was easily predictable for a person with her characteristics.

And I don't mean that in a "Courtney earned everything she got by means of being a Bad Person™" kind of way. Because she's not - a bad person that is. But the fact remains that Courtney's depiction in the show, and most of her unfortunate actions/decisions, are a direct result of her character aspects. Her personality and drive. Her priorities.

In a more realistic show, she'd experience the same tragic outcome simply because she's too invested in winning, and that investment blinds her to the unsightly actions she can and will take to win.

So I'd like to preface this analysis with that; Courtney's actions in the show are easy enough to ignore as "poor writing choices", but they do make sense for someone with her particular temperament, chronic need for commandership, and perfectionism.

Let's start with season one Courtney (or Island Courtney).

At the beginning of the show in its entirety, we're introduced to a Courtney who's a lot less intense than the one we eventually come to know and love. In fact, Courtney in the first two episodes of the show is significantly different from how she's portrayed throughout the rest of the show; she's compassionate and caring (her concern for Izzy during her introduction), and she's far more rational and level-headed than her later depictions. That's not to say she's not the same competitive and managerial girl, she's just... more subdued.

Even her speech patterns are different - I remember there being some confusion about who her voice actress was in the first couple of episodes, simply because her voice is so much softer (and slightly nasally), though this can be excused by the fact that the VA was likely still getting a feel for her character and how she wanted to portray Courtney.

Of course, at the end of episode two, we get to see a glimpse of Courtney's competitive (and slightly unhinged) spirit in the little monologue she gives to the camera. A sign of things to come.

One thing I find particularly ironic for Courtney is this confession she makes about Eva, where she states that someone's strength doesn't excuse their "psychopathic" actions/behaviour. Given how she acts in later seasons, this really highlights either a complete lack of self awareness in Courtney herself, or a major shift of her priorities prompted by her deep-rooted need to win.

Episodes three and four seem to be where the real Courtney comes into play. She starts showing off the characteristics we'll eventually come to associate with Courtney's personality, most notably her quick temper and her need to be in charge/control of the team. Whereas previously Courtney had calmly cited her experience as a CIT to justify taking control, from Dodgebrawl and beyond she starts simply utilizing sheer assertiveness (and her team's unwillingness to challenge her authority, outside of Duncan) to order the Bass around. And it works. For the most part.

Then her romantic subplot with Duncan begins, and we get to see the less obvious aspects of Courtney's character come into play.

Her confidence issues and the value she ascribes to "strength" (in Phobia Factor, when she can't face her fear), her repressed rebelliousness and impulsivity spurred on by Duncan's influence (pretty much the secondary focus of episode 12, Basic Straining) and, in relation, her secret desire to be free from the constraints of being a "rule follower" and the lack of knowledge/confidence to seek said freedom.

And then she's eliminated. And something in Courtney shifts.

Which, to be fair, I'd probably snap too if I was unfairly eliminated via rigged votes from a competition I'd dedicated myself to winning, especially if the votes were rigged against me for the actions of my kind-of boyfriend.

In the interviews we get with her in Haute Camp-ture, Courtney is hell-bent on revenge against Harold for her elimination, and she's violent with her threats against him. And her acts against him - she literally attacks him with a light pole and then bends the metal of the pole around him.

People who are mentally sound don't trap people in light poles.

They also don't fixate on winning reality TV shows to the point that their relationships deteriorate underneath their competitiveness and drive, but I digress.

Action happens, and it's. A thing. Courtney's played as the second and more threatening antagonist of the season, and she fits into the role well. They really ramp up her self-entitlement this season to play into the whole "I'm a CIT and a lawyer in training" deal, to the point where she literally sues her way back into the running. And her louder personality traits are amplified to make her more objectively villainous - not in the sense that she herself is villain, more so that her actions and behaviour work as the catalyst for a lot of conflict within the show. None of the other girls can stand her, she actively suffocates her boyfriend under her perfectionist standards, so on so forth.

It's still Courtney, just more. Like someone dialled up the Courtney-meter to an eleven, and sprinkled in some extra temper issues.

It's not like this shift in personality came out of nowhere though. As I said before, she's already showcasing this new aggression and overbearing will to win in Haute Camp-ture, so we know that her initial elimination in Island is what prompted her mental descent into antagonism. Though at this point, she doesn't recognise her actions as unreasonable. To Courtney, everything she's doing is entirely justifiable, and anyone who disagrees with her is trying to sabotage her.

Just like Harold did.

Courtney's competitiveness and her willingness to do anything to win and, in part, innate aspects of her temperament, but they're also symptomatic of the trust issues her Island elimination instilled in her. Trust issues that cause her to alienate herself from the people around her, holding others to impossibly high standards and/or disregarding them as not worth her time, in a subconscious effort to prevent them from hurting her.

Her relationship with Duncan becomes rocky at this point because she's overbearing and distrustful, and he's averse to authority and flaky. Courtney's perfectionism and trust issues work directly against Duncan's own problems, and their romance crumbles under the pressure.

Or at least it would, if they'd stop getting back together.

And then World Tour happens.

Courtney is initially distrustful and avoidant of Gwen, because she sees everyone else in the competition as a direct threat towards her and her acquisition of the million, but slowly comes to see Gwen as an ally. And then a friend.

And then Gwen breaks that trust by kissing her boyfriend. The trust issues come back into play with this betrayal, and Courtney's more aggressive personality traits come into play once again. This time though, her intenseness is a defence mechanism against the people who've hurt her, not a means to fuel her desire to win.

Eventually she gets eliminated for putting what little fragments of trust she had left into Alejandro of all people, but to be fair she doesn't really seem that bothered about losing World Tour - if her continued support of Alejandro in the finale means anything.

And then, I've heard, All-stars is an awful season for her. I haven't watched it, so I can't comment there.

-

That about wraps up the summary, let's get into her mindset.

Courtney enters the show itself as a seemingly demure and responsible person. She's proud of her status as a CIT and future lawyer, and she strives to lead her team to victory.

From the get-go, we see hints of her internalised need for leadership, and glimpses of her perfectionism. As the series progresses, we get to see her character grow from someone who follows rules and regulations to the letter, to someone who isn't afraid to take risks and break rules to her own advantage - which directly opposes her perfect "goody two-shoes" mindset and feeds into that suppressed desire for freedom I mentioned earlier. We also get to see her temper come into play, as she becomes a lot more assertive and quick to anger as the season progresses.

The Duncney plot in Island could have been good for the both of them, had their eventual fate been written differently. Duncan taught Courtney how to let loose and be reckless, and Courtney could've taught Duncan the value of structure and control in day-to-day life. They balanced each other out.

Her elimination is where Courtney's Problems™ come into play. For the most part she was a bossy but bearable presence on the Island, and it isn't until she's booted off the show that her more manic and unreasonable behaviours start surfacing.

We know from her whole "uptight CIT" deal that she struggles with perfectionism, and confidence issues that stem from said perfectionism (since no one can ever be perfect all the time, that's just human nature), so she disguises her insecurity underneath a layer of fake emotional strength that usually manifests itself as pride. It can be assumed, given her track record of overachievement, that her parents are probably the ones that enforced the standard of flawlessness within her. To the point it became less of a suggestion or a goal, and more of a constant standard she has to live by.

Her unfair elimination hits her hard, not just because it gives her some trust issues (that are only exacerbated later on) but because losing the competition goes against her standards of perfection. She was supposed to win, and not doing so is falling short of her expectations.

Her perpetual need to be the leader is likely a symptom of control issues, which often times go hand-in-hand with perfectionism - it's easier to make sure things are exactly as they should be when you're in complete control of them. It's also probably a result of her upbringing as an overachiever or "Type-A", as leadership skills are seen as a desirable trait to cultivate.

You mix together her control issues, her perfectionism and her competitiveness and you have yourself a very volatile molotov cocktail of emotions ready to blow upon her elimination.

Another thing I want to touch on is how unaware Courtney is when it comes to other people's needs and desires. She's very egocentric in her perception of the world, and oftentimes ignores or just doesn't realise how her own actions can impact other people. The biggest example of this is her treatment of Duncan throughout Action, where the impossibly high standards she holds him to take a huge and visible toll on his health, but she doesn't seem to notice. Or care. Because she's so caught up in the idea of having a "perfect boyfriend" that she doesn't think to consider how said boyfriend feels about it.

This egocentrism also plays into her control/leadership issues, since she oftentimes sees herself as the only person qualified to lead a team of people.

So, to summarise:

Perfectionism instilled within her (probably by her parents) that lead Courtney to holding herself to impossibly high standards she can never hope to achieve.

Confidence issues because of these unachieveable standards that she compensates for with a "large and in charge" personality, feigning emotional strength by supressing her feelings, and getting as many academic and extracurricular credentials as she can get.

Despite the confidence issues, she sees herself as inherently better than other people, either because of her own achievements and "good qualities" or because the people around her don't meet her standards.

Competitiveness and ambition aplenty, fuelled by the perfectionism.

Trust issues thanks to the repeated unfair betrayals against her, that feed into her delusion of not needing other people, being better than other people.

Control issues that feed into her desire to always be in positions of power and/or leadership.

Egocentrism and a lack of awareness of others' thoughts and feelings, especially in relation to how her behaviour can affect others.

... Courtney has NPD.

Courtney has NPD and the stress of Total Drama acerbated it until Courtney herself became volatile and unstable.

But that's not the point of this post. Though it does explain the gradual shifting of her personality from a functional CIT to a semi-funcitonal Reality TV washup.

Her issues lead her to make decisions that seem rash and irrational, but to Courtney herself she's fighting tooth and nail against a cast that are actively praying for her downfall, so her ruthlessness is entrely warrented. She's a victim of her own delusions and trust issues, and a bigger victim of the horrors of Total Drama that led her to becoming the person she was shown to be.

Therapy and a lot of time away from competitions would do her a world of good. Getting herself out of the climate of Reality TV entirely could save her.

[kanerlove88]

I have never had many thoughts about this beyond the fact that I do think RoyJamie will get married. I usually get caught up thinking about their domestic life post marriage.

So many wonderful fics on Ao3 of RJ weddings and I love them all. Always did assume they will marry in London and maybe honeymoon in the Maldives or go to Amsterdam. But it just struck me: what if they get married in Amsterdam? They’re both fuck you rich and would have no qualms about dragging their friends and family to Amsterdam to get married. It’ll be in the off season anyways.

I don’t know Amsterdam enough to know where they’ll marry but I think they’ll make sure the venue is close enough that they can go visit “their” windmill. Staring up at their windmill in the dead of the night, wearing their wedding suit. The party is raging on elsewhere but they’re newlyweds and if they want to sneak out of their reception to go see a windmill—in the city where their relationship changed forever, even if they didn’t know it at the time—they absolutely fucking will.

“We went to see a windmill!”, Jamie will say the next day when Sam asks him where he and Roy went off to. All the boys assume he means they went to get laid just like they did when Jamie said it all those years ago in the bus.

[cheolhub]

Consider the big, buff man that is Kim Mingyu whimpering underneath you. Completely sheathed inside of you and forced to feel every spasm, every twitch, every clench of your pussy around him after he's already cum inside of you. He's flushed and sweaty and so close to crying that it just makes you clamp down on his sensitive cock more. Fingers carding through his hair, telling him that you'll make him cum all he wants today since it's his birthday.

rj, you never fail to amaze me. seriously.

god, he’s such a BIG man and he knows he should be embarrassed about how easy he is for you, but he just isn’t. he isn’t ashamed of anything. especially not about cumming so many times.

but how can he not? you’re so tight and he can feel everything from the way your walls clench to the way you pulse around him every time he lets out a humiliating whine.

and not only that, but you’re so sweet to him. there aren’t many people willing to ride cock all night with a smile on their face or offer to make their big, dumb boyfriends cum countless times just because it’s their birthday. you’re truly one of a kind. that’s why all he can do is cum for you— fill you up load after load— till his hair is matted against his forehead. till he has hot tears rolling down his rose colored cheeks. till the only things he can say are your name and “cumming.”

and you love it. every second of it. you love the way he cries and begs and you love the way he fills you with so much of his release that it makes a sticky mess at the base of his cock. you love it and you love him. you don’t fail to tell him that, kissing his tear stained cheeks and running your fingers through his silk-like hair and murmuring on and on about how much of a “good boy” he is and how he can “let go” as much he wants. it’s his day and he deserves the best and absolutely nothing less.

[riddlerosehearts]

okay, i know this is a lot of screenshots but i really wanted to include them all in this post to convey just how much meleanor loved malleus and how incredibly distraught i am about it. when she's introduced, she's singing a lullaby to his egg about how she wants him to always stay with her and feel happy and safe, the kind of lullaby any good mother would sing to her baby. and then she starts raging hard and throwing thunderbolts everywhere because she and her egg are in danger, and lilia and baul, trusted members of her guard, are late in arriving to help. she's angry and frustrated and worried for her child, but she quickly softens for him, tries to sing him to sleep, comforts him when she thinks her thunderous anger might have bothered him, speaks of her belief that he'll become a bright, shining star for their people. she accepts the duel against the knight of dawn because she feels that as a mother, she must protect her child at all costs and joining the fight is the best way to do that. she has the confidence to believe that she'll win and come back home to her baby, but the wisdom to come up with a plan in case she doesn't. and honestly, it's kind of a crazy plan, to give an egg that needs genuine parental love to hatch to an orphan who believes himself to be incapable of love, but meleanor has so much trust in lilia and believes she knows him better than that, knows that he can love this child enough to nurture the egg into hatching. and of course, we know she was right. we know that although her participation in the duel may have been a mistake, she did it out of love for malleus and it's still thanks to her plan that lilia could grow to love him as well and hatch his egg.

but malleus will never know all of this, not really. sure, other people like lilia and baul and maleficia must have told him about his mother, about her incredibly fiery temper and her love for him that burned just as strongly, but there's a difference between being told that your mother loved you and actually getting to feel that love. meleanor died when he was still in his egg. he can't possibly remember what the smile on her face would've looked like each time she gazed down at him and held him as she sang him to sleep, or remember that the last time she would ever see him she entrusted him to lilia so he would be safe no matter what. he can't even remember the words to her song, only the melody, and he doesn't remember it came from her. in another translation i read he wondered if he heard it from one of his nannies. fae live such long lives, and he will live the entirety of his without ever knowing his mother who wanted nothing more than to be able to watch him grow up. i wonder how she would feel, seeing him hum her song to the knight of dawn's child--the son of the very man who killed her--to lull him to sleep and then humming it again later for the dark purpose of putting an entire island of people to sleep so he won't have to lose them. but of course, if she were alive for us to know how she feels, then all of this would've been a very different story to begin with.

[centeris2]

just played the update so you all get to suffer my thoughts

Gonna preface this with I fully support and want SSO to reuse and recycle events. I love when SSO went "we're decorating the mall and Silverglade Village again for Christmas! Not changing the quests even remotely!" I loved that, I loved the feeling of 'tradition' (or something familiar to look forward to) as it happened year after year. Not to mention it made things easier on the team.

Okay, now that is out of the way:

Camp Western

I'm sorry Camp Western but you were at a disadvantage because I was not in a mood for an event, I feel like we just finished the Spring Event and I'm so tired and do not have time or brain space for an event. I also have no inventory space so anything giving me player items is not something I want to do right now because my backpack only has so much space left. But I overall really liked the western event last year, and I was like 45 XP from hitting level 27, so gonna do it.

(Yeah, level 27. It's mind boggling, idk what happened.)

I am relieved Camp Western looks to have nothing new added to it, other than new gear (which I will skip due to the "no inventory space" thing.)

Now to the actual stuff:

I feel like all the stuff that made Camp Western really cool last year isn't there anymore. Which is hard to believe because nothing changed about the event.

Coming off the Spring Event where races gave you 800 horse xp, not having anything comparable feels... lacking. I'm sure their logic is "Camp Western has unlimited Horse XP because of the gold!" which is true.

But if I wanted to run around in circles getting 2 hxp per shiny thing, I could do that in the Hollow Woods, without the threat of things attacking me. There is also wisps, rune tablets, and crafting plants to pick up.

Want to grind gold for shillings? Also not Special anymore, I can do that in Hollow Woods harvesting light or around the map picking plants without being chased. Not that being chased matters for me right now, I ended up with like 70+ beast repellents last year somehow.

Want something to do with mini games for as long as you feel like being in game? Hollow Woods, again! Or anything in game that triggers a 'cut scene' now has the same basic mini game.

300 horse XP for collecting the horses around Firgrove? Ehh, why do that when I can repeat the races around the ranch, Firgrove, or anywhere else that doesn't involve getting chased by things. 300 horse xp isn't a lot anymore when you can repeat a race, or when past events gave 800 horse xp in a single race. 800 horse xp in like a minute, or 300 horse xp that requires trading an item (albeit one that isn't hard to get) and finding the horse and dealing with dangers and leading it back? Ehh it just...

Idk. I don't want to say past events were too generous and too easy in terms of rewards, but it doesn't feel as rewarding, ya know?

Additional caveat: I have like over 3k gold from last year and over 1k summer tokens because I did all the activities and token exchanges every day, so I am rolling in tokens. However! This is exactly WHY I did that! So I could go "ehh, I don't have the time/energy/interest in this event, I got enough tokens and gold to buy what I want if a pet comes out, and I can be on my merry way."

I do like that they've increased the stack sizes for things, so all my gold can be in one stack now (and I could condense my lures and beast repellents). I also do like that it is basically a repeat. Yes, I am still calling that a net positive.

I had other complaints but they were mostly bugs unrelated to Camp Western, like hot keys not working.

Oh I'm really glad they've just gone to "season tokens" rather than having every event every year have a unique currency. That was annoying. That's not new I'm just happy about it.

Also what is this weird black cloud thing that we can hide in. I don't understand it. Do the wolves lose interest if we pass through it, do we have to stay in it, does it only work if we aren't detected already? Why does SSO insist on having like 5 different versions of a stealth mechanic and they are ALL different.

TL;DR - The neat things they tested out with Camp Western last year they added to the game permanently, which makes Camp Western not feel special anymore because you can do basically the exact same mechanics elsewhere (possibly for better/easier rewards too oopS)

[daffi-990]

Wip Wednesday ✍️

Tagged by the lovely @jesuisici33. Be sure to check out what they shared 😊

I had a little bit of writing mojo for The Lightning Amnesia Fic and have the day off tomorrow so fingers crossed I’m able to get some more done … maybe even finish it 🤷🏻‍♀️(wishful thinking haha)

This is a continuation of the last snippet I shared for this fic, which you can find here

Buck’s frame shakes with barely contained laughter as Eddie removes his lips to crane his neck so he can see his son. “Sorry, didn’t mean to offend your sensitive eyeballs”. He adds an eye roll for good measure.

Chris returns the eye roll with one of his own, “Just save it for later. I’m happy for you guys and everything, but no kid wants to see their parents being all”, he gestures at the two of them with one hand, "this".

Parents. It’s just one word but it has Eddie’s heart lightening up like a fucking Christmas tree. Chris sees Buck as his other dad. Fuck, he’s so ridiculously happy right now he could cry, and by the shine in Buck’s eyes, he’s in the same boat. Eddie loosens his hold on Buck and moves his hands down to his waist, squeezing gently.

“Hey buddy, you may want to look away cos I’m about to kiss Buck now”, it's the only warning he gives Chris before he’s using the hands on Buck’s waist to turn him so they’re standing chest to chest. Buck’s hands come up to drape over his shoulders as Eddie leans in to kiss him, swears he can taste the happiness on Buck’s smile. He wants to dive deeper and relish it on his tongue, but Chris is here and dinner is cooking and they only have a few more hours until they’ll be alone where they can lose themselves in each other. His nose brushes along Buck’s as he pulls back from the kiss.

“Later” he promises before pulling away to open the cupboard, grabbing plates amd cups for the table. He can feel Buck’s gaze lingering on him and looks over his shoulder to find Buck’s eyes tracing his body, looking him up and down with a hunger that has a pool of warmth forming in Eddie’s belly. The way Buck looks at him, he’s never felt so wanted, so desired and if he keeps it up, well Eddie only has so much will power and really doesn’t want to traumatise his son by dropping to his knees in front of Buck right here in the kitchen.

Buck’s lips curl into a smirk like he knows exactly what’s running through Eddie’s mind. “I’m holding you to that”. His voice is low and full of promise and Eddie feels himself shudder in anticipation.

“Like I’m going to forget” he mutters under his breath. Buck hears him anyway and chuckles quietly before turning back to the stove as Eddie makes his escape to the dining room to set the table, Chris following after him with the salad and rolls.

No pressure tagging: @exhuastedpigeon @lover-of-mine @giddyupbuck @fortheloveofbuddie @forthewolves @thewolvesof1998 @hippolotamus @callaplums @callmenewbie @spotsandsocks @wikiangela @eddiebabygirldiaz @monsterrae1 @steadfastsaturnsrings @wildlife4life @rainbow-nerdss @rewritetheending @try-set-me-on-fire @athenagranted @devirnis @disasterbuckdiaz @honestlydarkprincess @hoodie-buck @ladydorian05 @loserdiaz @captain-hen and as always, anyone else who wants to share 💕

[spineless-lobster]

“Captain, the war is over!”

“Is it Alison?! Is it?!”

I think about this line EVERY DAY!!!! What does this mean?? Because this isn’t “grandpa’s having war flashbacks again” this is something more, this is

“The Captain has repressed trauma and has tied his entire identity to the war and the thought of it being over means he has to face himself as an actual person with thoughts and feelings and desires and he is too afraid of what he’ll see to do that. He settles for his inner turmoil because being at war with himself is something he has done all of his life and reflecting on himself as a person (mirrors!!!!) is scary and new and it’s easier to ignore and bury all those secrets and emotions”

I want to have a 9 hour long therapy session with that man

[sillysnack]

mmgmhmhmmmmm click for toritsuka and maybe torisai thoughts........ im so sad i dont think i've seen kurumi and reita interact? maybe they did Idk #fake fan 😞 but yeah heres some toritsuka with kurumi and kusuo. kuniharu's at work idk.

i have to tell you all i never really knew where i was going with this. omg.

toritsuka who. i assume hasnt rly met saikis parents and just hears mentions in conversations with saiki. almost every mention comes with a ridiculous (at least, to toritsuka) background. saiki's like "im used to it"– toritsuka's bewildered. sure he's had an unusual upbringing as well, being raised in a temple full of monks, but hearing about saiki's parents... if hes being honest with himself, toritsuka doesnt know what he expected.

one day, toritsuka does meet saiki's mom as he stops by saiki's home, hoping to ask him to hang out. its then that toritsuka gets invited by saiki's mom to stay inside the house and wait for kusuo to get home. toritsuka wonders just how far the apple fell from the tree. saiki's mom is so lively in comparison to her son. eh, it's not really a deal-breaker. toritsuka mentally shudders at the thought of saiki with kurumi's attitude.

as how he makes conversation with everyone, toritsuka introduces himself as a spirit medium. he reveals he has powers, though he comments that it is nothing as impressive as any of saiki's powers. kurumi reassures him that any power is impressive. after all, there are only a few of them who are blessed with such abilities, no?

toritsuka can only nod. he doesn't really feel the sentiment resonate with him.

anyway! kurumi is really glad, though, to have found out that kusuo is friends with someone his age who also has powers. she hopes toritsuka and kusuo stay friends for a long time.

toritsuka nods again. this time, he shares the sentiment. he really hopes he and saiki stay friends for a long time, as well. saiki's his first friend, after all. maybe even the only person he can really call a friend. (toritsuka makes a mental note that he means no offense to aiura, he's just worried they aren't at that point yet.)

kurumi tells toritsuka that she was actually in the middle of making coffee jelly for kusuo. she assumes saiki's probably bought his own on the way home, but nothing beats anything homemade with the special ingredient called a mother's love, right?

toritsuka agrees with kurumi's assumption before revealing his living situation. the two talk for a bit, have a heart-to-heart, before kurumi asks reita if he wants to help out in making the coffee jelly for kusuo.

of course, reita says yes. he figures it would be a fun activity.

.

finally, kusuo arrives home. he had gone out to run errands on his mothers behalf and is greeted with kurumi's warm acts of affection. naturally, kusuo softens at such gestures. he doesn't really mind the fact that toritsuka could see this more domestic side of him.

although kusuo pretends he didnt just hear toritsuka think he was cute at that moment.

"ah! reita and i made you coffee jelly"

kusuo turns to toritsuka with a slight surprised look on his face. he doesnt even call him by his name. toritsuka rolls his eyes at saiki and tells him to just eat. the coffee jelly is great. he cant believe toritsuka even had a hand in making the sweet treat. he quickly shoots a half-assed apology at reita for even assuming he'd be shit at anything related to making food of any kind. though he assumes its because his mother still helped.

kurumi reveals that reita made a few cups all by himself, including the one kusuo was eating at the moment.

hm.

kusuo and reita lounge in kusuo's room. still, he cannot belueve that toritsuka reita had made such tasty coffee jelly. it's an easy thing to make, but given reita's history with simple tasks...

"i wanted to impress you." reita grins before asking if it worked, to which saiki would reply with an opening to a different conversation topic (cringe)

reita considers it his victory, and even thinks of baking more sweets in the future for kusuo. reita rarely ever cooks for himself, so its surprising to him as well when the thought even crosses his mind. though, as long as kusuo is involved, he isn't surprised with how quick he is to stick to his idea.

kusuo would be the first to taste every one of reita's baking. it is an unspoken agreement between the two of them.

[kiwisandpearls]

I think many of criticisms of wish are completed true, but one I just don’t get is the criticism that there’s no romance.

idk. Maybe it’s because I’m aroace and whenever I see those complaints I’m thrust into the realization of how much romantic love is talked about and how little I wanna do with that.

it just feels weird to me. I just don’t get why romance had to be included to make Wish a better movie.

it’s also just like…some of you guys complained about certain disney princesses only being saved in the end by a man (i think this is true for some of them but for some like ariel and cinderella i can’t really agree) and then turn around and have one of your criticisms for wish being that their isn’t a romance between the female protag and a man.

I don’t really have much of a point other than “I’m confused as to why “there’s no romance” is a big criticism for this move” lol.

[firstwcman]

What are your personal thoughts on the theory that Lilith owns Alastor's soul?

I think it could be possible! Not for certain, but definitely a possibility (or a really big red herring). I've been here since the Pilot's trailer came out and I ate every detail I could for years, and that Pilot, unlike Helluva, is still considered to be canon. I look at all the little details. Skip to the bottom for the bare bones opinion lol, I'll TLDR it for you.

Alastor showed up right after Charlie's brokenhearted phone call to Lilith where she began to express doubt in her dreams. He immediately vouched to help, that was his goal for arrival. Yeah, that could just be him chasing his own interests to solve his chronic case of ✨ SHEER ABSOLUTE BOREDOM ! ✨ But then there's a scene where he's looking at the Magne / Morningstar family portrait in the lobby and he focuses particularly on Lilith.

Gets the brain tickling. Showed up right after Charlie's phone call to Lilith and now he's eyeballing a portrait of her? Hm. Okay.

2. It gets a little funnier. During Alastor's reprise of "Inside of every demon is a rainbow", you get this: Two apples and then boom, a human deer skull. While the apple is part of the Morningstar family insignia, it's also a really big symbol for Lucifer in the Hellaverse in general.

Interrupting something there, Al? Seems to be a repeating ordeal.

I tie this scene with Episode 5 and suddenly, oh - is that connected? Because weirdly enough, Alastor, who has never met Lucifer before, immediately locked in on that man with animosity. It was on sight the second he stepped through the door, the SECOND. His eye is twitching. Lucifer is the reason he drops his first canonical F-bomb. Why? They have never met before this moment.

Going into some headcanon territory mixed with canon information.

What's canon is that Alastor is a mama's boy, and we know that Lucifer was a bit of an absent father throughout Charlie's life. Depression eats away at you like that, you shelf yourself off into self-isolation even when you have loved ones. Charlie was the one to seek him out and even mentioned:

"When I was young, I didn't really know you at all. I always felt so small."

and then earlier in Episode 5, she says:

"We just have never been close. After he and mom split, he never really wanted to see me. He calls sometimes, but only if he's bored or like, needs me to do something."

Entertain the idea of Alastor being in a contract with Lilith. We don't know what his father was like, but we know he favored his mother. Imagine this mother who has split from her husband shares the fact that her daughter's father is distant and Charlie feels that distance, and it's effected her negatively ( "daddy issues" ).

Alastor is someone who seems choosey about the company he keeps, the only genuine relationships that we know he has is with Mimzy and Rosie. He seemingly considers the Hotel to be a form of entertainment and nothing more, he has no emotional attachment to anyone inside. That said, he's a man with morals. He's a southern man who doesn't stand for the mistreatment of women and will resolve such issues through very violent means.

I think the idea of an absent father puts a bad taste in his mouth. You put that father in his close proximity, and that father just so happens to be an enormous power figure who could end up being a crucial part to this Hotel, and you could wind up with one very irritated deer who wants to take that man down a peg or ten. Viv said he has a weird sense of morality when it came to his serial killings, he was similar to a serial killer character named "Dexter" who killed other criminals. That paired with the comic gets my brain percolating with this headcanon / theory.

A man with a soft spot for his mother being in a contract with a mother who loves her child very much and potentially vents about the absence of the girl's father.. He might not care for Charlie, but he has his twisted moral compass. Lucifer's presence rubs him the wrong way, so he deals with it in his sassy way and tries to keep favor with Charlie. He's being petty without being violent (one he can't handle the devil, two that would mess things up with the Hotel to get into fisticuffs with his business partner's father who is there to help).

I do think Lilith sent him to watch over Charlie. I really do. She's not there, but someone who is contracted to her is, and he has the means and ability to help support her dream. He has his own plans toiling in mind, but he follows her command.

That is all headcanon mixed with the tidbits of info that we have about him, mind. Theory within this theory, lol. Grain of salt.

3. Of course, the seven year absence. Lilith's been gone for seven years, Alastor was gone for seven years. Big sign for a red herring, but also fits into this theory like a glove.

tl;dr: My thoughts are that it's possible and I see the path laid out for it. I also understand that it can be a massive red herring. Lilith and Alastor could still have some sort of connection outside of the contract, because I think regardless of what it is, those two do know each other in some way or form.

Personally, I like the idea of Alastor being contracted to Lilith and softly involve it with my Lily. But, I've been flimsy about it and considering dropping it. It's a very loose detail, I just really like the idea of him being her personal two-way walkie talkie while she's in Heaven. Her cellphone doesn't work, but her spiritual connection to Alastor does.

[fidgetspringer]

The problem with OCs is that you want to share their story with people, but then they have like zero context for the stuff you post, but also if you don't post that stuff then they'll have even less context, so like, where do you even begin.

[themoonbunni]

So I visited my Grandma today.

I hadn't seen her in a few years, mostly due to life stuff despite her living the next town over.

I'm glad I did, honestly. I was finally able to talk about the abuse my mother and step father put me through, and she was very sad to hear that had gone through it. Part of her wasn't surprised, even admitted she never liked my stepdad lmao.

Ended up breaking down into tears though. The fact I haven't spoken to mom in almost a decade, the fact my stepdad ruined me in so many ways (he's why I tense up at hearing heavy footsteps).

I also came out to her, and she was so so happy to hear it. That she was so willing to understand and even accept me as Eden, not as...who I was before. Told me that I know myself and if that's who I am then that's that.

She still even has the photos of when I was little. Been in the same place for 26 years now. Considering when I lived with my mother there were no photos of me anywhere in the house, instead just having two albums shoved into a bookshelf that was never used...

It meant a lot to see those too.

I'm glad I went out today.

[wongyuseok]

god I'm still so angry...