#a bit bummed abt all the things they changed but i get it

[sirspeep]

buggy being presented as sinister, evil and most of all an actual threat is so weird to me. like, i forgot there was ever a time when he wasn't just constantly rolling nat20s on deception checks against the entire world & accidentally joining a dilf throuple.

[mulderscully]

i kinda also have negative dw feelings but i would looooove to hear yours

it's complicated because a lot of my feelings turned sour over a leak for the last special and that's ruined my enjoyment of the other two.

but basically: i don't like donna getting her memories back. I KNOW this is the most unpopular opinion of all time, but the more i sit with it the more i know it's how i feel.

i didn't always feel this way, but i love the trajedy of donna's ending. i love that it was hard and painful for both of them.

i always assumed she would get her memories back temporarily and then CHOOSE to lose them again because she has found meaning outside of the doctor. but to see that she is still in that same mental space is really a downer, and to me it feels like... donna clearly has some serious mental health struggles that just cannot be "oh, she's happy when she's with the doctor!" because what sort of message does that send?

one things i love abt rtd era is the the focus on family, and we saw a glimpse of that in the first special, only for it to be ripped away and have her and fourteen thrown into some insane plot for the second special, which is such a strange decision to me just because this is an anniversary special! as a standalone, great! but as an episode that is supposed to celebrate 60 years it's like.... ok?

i also just feel like there is too much disconnect for me. fourteen is written in a way that doesn't make much sense to me. it feels like he's written like... ten but more emotional? not like this was JUST the thirteenth doctor. it feels like a reversion that doesn't feel honest or earned at all? thirteen was closed off too! and it's odd for him to be suprised about certain behaviors that are "new" when they're absolutely not to the doctor. eleven was a VERY touchy feely doctor for a thousand years. this isn't new to him, but it would be to TEN and it feels like rtd can't let go of writing fourteen as ten in this regard.

and my issue is also just the fandom. i love the tenth doctor. i love his pain, his repression, his intensity. so people saying fourteen is "ten but better." or whatever is just confirming that people never actually understood or loved ten for who he was, and that's making me sad since he is the most popular doctor there is in new who.

and it's like... no matter what this gonna change how people see ten. how they see his era and his regeneration as well and that bums me out. i love specials ten, i LOVE i don't want to go. and while all of that still happened, it somehow feels cheapened to me now :|

this would all work if rtd has used what he already had: the metacrisis doctor, instead of having david be the doctor three times. not bc i'm a tenroorose girlie but bc then everything wouldve stayed in tact. and having cameos from rose and maybe martha as well would've felt more like an ode to what made his era so strong and revived the show in the first place.

idk this is messy and i'm still sorting it out but i feel a little bit churny abt it and not rly in a positive way because in his book rtd was soooo proud of how he ended s4 that the last thing i expected was for it all to be undone with a wave of the hand and without delving much into the life donna has made for herself and/or focusing on the people the doctor has ADORED in the time since as if he didn't have a downright manic devotion to clara.

[melonteee]

Do you think ur going to do a review or analysis of the live action? Because even tho i kinda liked it i think i have the same problem that you have with the characters, like zoro. It's weird bc i think that the characterization of the characters is kinda good, but also there's something laking, i think it's the removal of some core senes but honestly idk fully if it's that or something else. I know they had short time to adapt like 90 chapters, but i think the time they had would be better used if they didn't had the b plot be abt garp. Tho that's also not right, bc i think some of the scenes with the marines were fun? But in this case i think garp characterization is just not that great.

Idk its super weird bc i feel the world is really one piece and it was fun to watch but there's some things that are kinda :/

Okay uh, let me preface this by saying part of my degree had to do with adaptation - in terms of what it is and how it's really god damn hard. So this live action intrigues me not just as a one piece fan, but in terms of my studies, and I have no doubt my favourite teacher is getting a kick out of this as we speak lol.

If you don't want spoilers for ep 1, don't read under the cut. If you don't want to feel bummed out cause you super enjoyed the show, also don't read. I am analysing this in a very critical way because I was dead interested in how this was handled.

I have only watched one episode, I can only judge so far at the moment, so feel free to take this all with a grain of salt. There is indeed charm in this series! The only thing is, there's charm when it's trying to be itself exclusively, and it falls really flat when trying to replicate One Piece because...I didn't feel One Piece from this in any sense. Any 'faithful' shots I received felt like a cheap replica attempting to force some nostalgic emotion out of me with nothing earned.

And, from what I can see, that's the problem here. This series isn't sure how loyal it should really be, nor is it sure how much fidelity it should keep - but it's trying to remind me at every damn second "This IS One Piece, do you SEE One Piece?" And it's not just me saying this, the producers themselves admitted that they were TRYING to be loyal. A quote from them is;

“What we learned is the fans are expecting you to be true to the source material,�� says executive producer Marty Adelstein, whose Tomorrow Studios produced “Cowboy Bebop” for Netflix before embarking on “One Piece....As we read the comments, it was always, ‘Well, they didn’t do this character the same as this and that.’ … It really taught us a lot of what we needed to do with this one.” “It became everyone’s goal to make sure that when you looked at the show, you thought this was a live-action version of the manga that just felt like another feather in the legacy of Oda,” (source)

So here's my question here, to myself and One Piece fans - did you FEEL like you were watching a 1:1 version of these characters? Did these characters FEEL like themselves instead of being TOLD they're apparently themselves?

Of course, it's an adaptation! It's supposed to be different! But this statement directly contradicts that, and so does everything else. After all they apparently hired Oda to 'check off' on it, they used the Japanese VAs for the Japanese audio version of it, they even have the manga/anime version of Luffy sitting there in the One Piece logo - constantly reminding me OF the original no matter what I do.

So with all these comments, and with all these decisions, what else to expect but "Oh, so they're planning to stay loyal and not deviate from the original? This is clearly their goal."

And that's where the problem ensues for me, because they try DESPERATELY to ham fist in original source material, they really want me to point at the screen and go "JUST LIKE THE MANGA!", but they're not going all in on it and, as such, the changes become increasingly obvious that this ISN'T the same. Because, if you only have a BIT of Zoro's character implemented from the original, but not ALL of it, what else am I to see but a bastardised version of the original here?

This script does this thing where it's giving me beats of Zoro, but not all of Zoro, and suddenly I'm left with a guy who's a weird, bizarro version of Zoro. He's not quite original enough to feel like his own being, and he's not quite loyal enough to feel like the original. And of course, it's not just Zoro, but it's this way for the other characters too.

The 'loyalty' the producers are talking about, and the lesson they've seem to have learnt here is; "We need to unnaturally shove in as much fidelity as we can in an exposition-dump, so we can get it out of the way, make everyone feel like we're respecting the source, and get on to the original scenes that add nothing but a laugh."

And...it's a shame! It's weird to say this series would, so far, be better if they weren't TRYING to replicate One Piece's energy, but from everything I am seeing, it's clearly what they are trying to do. This show has charm when it has its OWN charm, but cutting from a fun little original scene to an exposition dump of lore is so incredibly jarring I don't even really know what to make of it.

For example, we were shown Zoro being tied up to a pole. We are going to point at it and go "I remember that!" but then...the whole reasoning is different, the motives are different, and...the time is all different? In all respect, this series is doing what Disney live actions are doing, where they are giving me MORE scenes with LESS information - and due to seemingly TRYING to be loyal, it feels like the original scenes are fun, but a waste of time due to the exposition dumps being incredibly rushed and lacklustre.

In a complete ironic twist, their desperation to be loyal has them falling flat, so instead I'm seeing a hollow replica of what One Piece is - when it could've been an original live action that's trying to work on its strengths of BEING its own live action.

All in all, the first ep would've been fine if I turned my brain off, but I don't...watch One Piece to do that. I don't ever feel numbed by One Piece, and by all means I was given the expectation that this WOULD be the story RETOLD but with BIGGER action and LARGER characters because they just LOVE Oda and respect him SO MUCH!

But at the end of the day, for a first impression, I got another Netflix live action that COULD work on itself, but ultimately is making me appreciate the original a lot more. It's making me appreciate Oda's writing more, the Strawhat's original characters more, and the world more. It seems great as a digestible family show, which I'm sure is what Netflix wanted, but it's already got me feeling uneasy.

Of course, this could very well change the more I get through, and I'm very open to it, but the first episode in itself makes for a fascinating case study on the fidelity of anime live action adaptations.

And just in case anyone gets up in arms because there seems to be a weird forced positivity crusade on this series right now, Oda himself has said he intends to happily take criticism, because he knows it'll come from a place of love. This by no means is a disrespect to Oda, and is more a look in on how Netflix operates.

[nopeferatu]

okayyyy i guess ill just write abt some things that i wanna get out before i forget to??

- LOVE, love love how they made ennis the one who initiated all of the romantic affection between the two. literally insane over it. it feels so in-character, considering ennis has probably been affection starved since his mother died when he was a kid. of course he has alma, but do we really get the sense that ennis was ever very affectionate with her? could he have been, in rural, christian, wyoming, where conervative notions of courtship prevail? did he even want to be, knowing that the only person he shows real attraction towards is a man? who knows. we just know that he was craving love, and lucas did an amazing job at capturing that need.

- the "'lets ranch up together', 'no bc earl and rich'" conversation happens after ennis tells jack that he'd divorced alma...a year and a half earlier. what an interesting change! it seems like both adaptations, movie and play, mess around with that specific sequence of events. i really enjoyed what it brought to this specific show, though, because in the script it's described as a "gut-punch" to jack when ennis tells him he already left alma in response to jack telling ennis that he'd decided to leave lureen. it really hammers home the idea that jack thought it was just their wives getting in the way of their life together all that time. it was framed wayyy different than jack driving up 14 hrs after getting his hopes up thanks to a phonecall or a postcard from ennis abt the divorce, but it still hits the beat it's supposed to, where we as the audience can see that its the first time their relationship shifts—and not for the better.

- "little darlin'."I got to hear "LITTLE DARLIN'" not just once, but TWICE. still not over it.

- the show also brought more...i guess, explicit attention to the fact that ennis really only wants to do ranch work, and how much that affects his family. i know its present in all the texts, but the new conversations he and alma have regarding the various 'city jobs' she tries to rope him into and the dead-end ranch jobs that keep going belly up from underneath him are just really sad. he's someone who craves wide open spaces, and the beauty of film allowed heath to capture this hunched, clenched, uncomfortable look and feel of a man who seems too big for any room he's in. ennis is not happy in domesticity. he's a saddle bum through and through, and out with nature is where he belongs. but since theatre (esp theatre in-the-round) doesn't have the luxury of different set dressing, those conversations and arguments bw ennis and alma capture that same bit of characterization.

- i...dunno how i feel about mike's jack, if i'm honest? lucas was incredible. i think he brought just the right amount of taciturn and tender, rage and remorse to a role that needs all of that in an actor. i think mike's jack was a little...idk. too big, if you get me? like there were certain line deliveries that i felt could've been said differently, or had different emotions behind them than the ones i was picking up on. i know stage is different, so in both cases, the actors went VERY big (heath's quiet, simmering rage is a completely different beast against lucas' loud, screaming outburtsts, for example), but...idk. there was just something about mike's jack that threw me off? I told my friend that I was iffy about his performance, and without prompt she said, "I didn't like how much he laughed at everything" and I think I feel the same. For example, the "I didn't want none of either kind but fuck all has worked the way i wanted, nothing has ever come to my hand the right way" line was said really jolly, without much of a edge to it, and i think thats what's thrown me off-kilter so much. in mike's performance, i didn't feel the bitter edge to a lot of his lines that occur later on in the script that are apparent to me not only in jake gyllenhaal's performance, but in the SS text, itself.

He was technically very good and I love the silly things he'd do to get ennis to open up, but he was a little too jovial, not enough bitchy, not enough moody and sassy like jake's jack. i see a lot of jake's jack in mike's performance bc aside from a few lines about how much jack likes the rodeo, all we can really glean from either characters in the SS text is that ennis is quiet, and that jack talks a lot. im not trying to compare the two performances too much bc they are fundamentally different actors working in different mediums, but heath and jake brought a lot of dimsension into charas who could have turned out waaaay different had different actors played them and gotten in touch w different emotions within the script, so i can see how other actors could look to the film for a lot of inspo on how to go about portraying ennis and jack while trying to do their own things as well. my issue is that jack becomes very heartsick and bitter and just plain fed up with everything about his life by the time their last trip rolls around, but play!jack never let that bitterness start to show, so by the time that jack does his whole "i wish i knew how to quit you" monologue, it felt very abrupt to see him screaming and yelling and hollering at ennis like that.

i dunno, after seeing tons of ppl in the brokeback tag over the past few months saying that mike faist was their favorite jack, i was actually really expecting a lot more? but as it stands, jake gyllenhaal still reigns supreme. he captured every facet of jack twist that makes him so compelling to read and write and think about and analyze, and mike, while he was still very good, didn't do that nearly as well imho.

- the play firmly cemented to me that jack twist is just bottom coded, i guess

- some of the music hit at different scenes than i had initially thought they would?? i thought the play would end on "hale strew river" playing in the bg as *SPOILER* old!ennis holds the ghost/dream/memory version of young!jack in a mirror of the way he'd held jack by the campfire on brokeback in '63. but that was not the case. this is an instance of where my heightened expectations made the reality seem kind of disappointing in comparison. i'm also kind of sad that my other favorite song, "beneath the moon," was only featured as a diegetic recording heard on a clock radio (NOT live), and it was played during a scene between alma and ennis. Like, looking back at the lyrics it makes sense:

Why don't you take me for a stroll into the sunset

Another lonely summer's day is ending soon

Oh, let us walk another mile into the twilight

And let me be alone with you beneath the moon

But i thought that it was going to be played during a scene where another one of jack's frequent proposals of a life together gets rejected. when the soundtrack for the play was released it gave me the same vibes as "i dont want to say goodbye", one of the few original songs on the movie soundtrack, and i was POSITIVE that this was a jack-longing-for-ennis song. like, it's all about sunsets and twilight and the moon and all this outdoor imagery, and as we all know, jack and ennis are literally only together underneath the sunsets and twillight and moon! so im actually really sad it wasn't an ennis/jack moment :c

- the actor who played jack's dad played the role a lot more emotionally than i expected. movie!john is very, again, muted and quietly bitter, just like all these characters are. play!john seemed really...what i can only describe as choked up? like, he was shouting and got really riled up in his "jack used to say" monologue at ennis, and there was some disgust in there and a lot of anger, but what i actually read was more like him telling ennis "you're part of the reason why my son is gone." and then he gets up and walks away from the table, and exits the stage. it was really really heartbreaking. maybe i have a different read on the performance than what was intended, but it opens up a whole new side to john twist that i think would be interesting to explore.

- theres a few little added lines of dialogue on jack's part that are great. when they leave brokeback and are heading away in opposite directions, jack turns back around and goes "ennus-" as though he's going to make his proposal to start a life together then and there, but ennis knowingly cuts him off and says smth like "see you around, jack twist", and shakes his hand goodbye. there was another moment (the divorce admission, the rich and earl confession scene) where jack is talking about their sweet life together, and hes talking about them being in rocking chairs on their porch in front of a nice fire and ughhghf....it called to mind this line in one of my all-time fave fics, Recompense:

Couldn't set out on the porch, just set, quiet and together; there wasn't any porch, wasn't even any house, where they could be seen setting. Start hauling their canes, their bifocals, damn electric blankets, up in back of the pickup? They couldn't have that life. They couldn't have any life at all. The weight of Jack's misery, pressing all around, seemed enough to cave him in.

one i didnt like, though, was when jack and ennis are wrestling, jack gets pinned under ennis and says "sheep be damned!" before ennis kisses him in the first romantic display of affection we see bw the two. also when the sheep get mixed up, ennis has a meltdown and tells jack that aguirre will realize the counts off and put 2 & 2 together that they're fooling around, and he yells smth along the lines of their trist being "sick", and Jack says smth like, "you sure didn't seem to think it was sick this past month."

this is just a me thing honestly bc i'm kind of a SS purist in some instances, and one thing that always stuck with me is that jack and ennis never talk about the sex they're having when they're on brokeback. aside from the "im not no queer" convo, the sex wasn't even alluded to; they just "let it happen," and i think thats veryyy in-line for a character like ennis. i think jack would love to talk about it, but he doesn't wanna spook ennis away, so he keeps his mouth shut. i dont think either of them would speak, even in a roundabout way, abt their sex life when they're 19 on brokeback, and thats why the whole "redlined it all the way couldnt get here fast enough" line is so revelatory imo, bc its the first time either of them acknowledge the conscious choice theyre making to fuck. so idk. i didnt really care for the fact that they were (somewhat) openly referring to their tryst while still on brokeback

- less a note of the show and more a note of the audience, but i saw the show twice and the first night i saw it, the audience laughed at REALLY sad and serious moments that i in no way thought were laugb worthy, and i felt like maybe i was taking the work too srsly until i saw the final performance and THAT audience didnt laugh at any of those really sad moments. so i got rly irritated abt that the first night cause it wasnt even like the lines were delivered in a jokey way or anythibg....

anyways. i need to sleep. look out for some other posts cause im sure ill have more to say the longer i stew on it

[lynn-tged-posting]

tged webtoon ep 160 spoilers and thoughts that i am a tad bit late on (sorry abt that) below the cut

.

.

.

bugs when you lift a rock

I REALLY REALLY LIKED THIS EP IT WAS SUPER COOL AND THE BALANCE BETWEEN THE GAGS AND THE COOL PANELS WAS GREAT

i fucking love . javier being smug so so much THIS WAS SO FUCKING FUNNY HAHAAHAHHAA bud knows his worth fr he really looks like an angel

they're so stupid /aff what's wrong with them

AND RAPHAEL'S WEAPON REVEAL. HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE GIGANTIC WEAPONRY. IT'S MY FAVORITE THING EVER WHEN WEAPONS OF CHOICE ARE ABSURDLY HUGE AND THIS REALLY REALLY WINS THAT. ALSO I AM TERRIFIED FOR THEM BECAUSE OH MY GOD THIS LOOKS SCARY but also it having a very normal Office Product Name is HILARIOUS LOL yes the multipurpose business hammer. for business. it's big but don't worry about it .

we also have a date for when the great war in the mythical age occurred! i haven't quite started a whole Lorasia Timeline thing yet but thisll be useful for future reference i think

plus plus, the way the jewel of truth tells the truth,,, is by bypassing the heavenly realms rules and accessing something beyond that. it could be related to the system that lloyd is using? or when javier became a grandmaster how his mana changed to something beyond the laws of causality , or whatever that was. might be related!!!

THE PRAYER GAG WAS FUNNY BUT ALSO MADE MY HEART ACHE BECAUSE- LIKE OKAY THE "also i want to live life selfishly and freely in retirement" IS SO REAL OF HIM BUT ALSO

i really truly believe that this second panel is how he really truly feels. living like a bum aside, lloyd has always put others first, he's always protected other people before himself. lloyd also tends to always try and take things into his own hands, taking the reins and pulling things into his control, so that he can achieve this unknowingly noble goal of protecting those close to him.

it makes the fact that the moment he heard about making a prayer he does it IMMEDIATELY, so so so heartache to me; maybe i'm overanalyzing/overthinking these things, but as someone who doesn't quite believe in higher power and also as someone with a lot of easily-hurtable pride:

do you realize what it takes to fall to your knees, to beg and to pray to be heard, to be at the mercy of someone else, for something you want?

that HURTS a LOT. seeing lloyd immediately bow his head and pray like this. he's desperate not to lose it all - he can't, not when the goal is so close - and fighting the angel really isnt smth they should do at all bc people would get hurt. and so he's on his knees for someone else to grant that privilege of building this jewel of truth... it could be my perspective / feelings influencing how i perceive this ofc, maybe it's really not that deep, but it Hurt me and i felt the need to explain why LMFAO

anyway, me inflicting psychic damage on myself aside, JAVIER VS RAPHAEL!!! THEIR WHOLE FIGHT IS SO SO COOL AND JAVIER LOOKS FUCKING INSANE /POS

the sheer power of their collisions/parrying sending REVERBERATIONS LIKE THAT is so fucking CRAZY javier has grown so so strong and the fact that he's sparring w an ANGEL is so fucking COOL GOD THIS IS SO COOL

AND THE CLOSEUPS ON JAVIERS FACE TOO THEY MAKE ME INSANE LIKE WHAT THE SHIT HE'S SO FUCKING COOL

LIKE NO FUCKING WONDER HE WAS THE MAIN CHARACTER OF TKOBAI HE LOOKS AND ACTS THE PART SO SO WELL HE'S SO MAIN CHARACTER SHAKES HIM AROUND HE'S SO COOL

poor lloyd tho the sounds of the fight fucking him up bc of the swordmaster syndrome RIP though it does look like he's handling it better than before!

there's still a lot of push and blur bc of the overwhelming sounds but it feels less chaotic and messy than the panels from last ep, like it looks more controlled i think? like the lineart looks much more stable here, so it seems like the meditation/training helped!!!

ALSO ALSO SOLITAS YAYAYAYAYAYY ITS MY BOY MY FAVORITE SIDE CHAR the mid-transformation panels are so so cool!!! so many awesome things this week heehee

AND VERKIS YAYYY YAYAYAYAYY honestly yeah it tracks that the three biggest powers on lorasia fighting at all would just. fuck up the world good thing he stopped solitas,,, even if solitas doesnt know who he is HAHAHA LMFAOOO "... who are you?" HAHAHA

OH AND BACK TO THE FIGHT RAPHAEL'S HALO THAT'S SUCH A COOL MECHANIC

that's so cool that the halo can be used defensively like this!!! and it stands just fine after one of javier's strikes too that's so crazy

it makes a lot of design sense too w the way he's dressed, and also with the sheer SIZE of his weapon; you'd think that he'd have like, armor or something if he was going somewhere expecting a fight, but all he's wearing is a nice clean white suit. but that's cause the halo does all the defense work for him!!! and with the weapon too like, if you need to suddenly defend but you're in the middle of an attack and unable to shift your momentum, the halo's got you covered! it'd be hellish trying to stop your trajectory with the swing of a hammer THAT large, it looks like its made of straight up metal/steel, so when you swing you HAVE to follow through. u wouldn't be able to really defend with it

im just saying all the same stuff at this point but GOD THIS IS COOL AND CLEAN HALO MECHANICS I LIKE IT A LOT

the effects in general are just SOOOO awesome in this episode im really happy about that heehee, the artist rlly popped off!!

AND FINALLY,,, LLOYD PREPARES TO SING,,,

THE FUCKING DEMON SHAPE IN THE SHADOW BEHIND HIM OH MY GODDD HAHAHAAA

see like. i'm genuinely wondering whether or not this'll work or if it'll like, cancel out like PEMDAS, cause like raphael would be considered a holy creature, right? and lloyd's singing is considered demonic, and so those two powers are opposites, so would it be like neutralized overall?? like would raphael just lose his power, or maybe lose control of his halo, or would he actually take damage from his singing?

sorry that's really silly HAHA but i thought it'd be funny to think about, im really excited to see where this fight goes!!!! i really hope we get more cool moments this is so sick i'm so excited!!!!

okay okay thats it hehe see y'all next week (as in later this week lmfao)

[emberglowfox]

Arthur is trans? That is so cool!! Oh, that brings up another question: Does Zarian understand the whole trans thing? I know he’s super intelligent and what not but at the same time a lot of trans experience is a bit more.. emotional / mental (at least for me)

OH BOY YOU HIT ON ONE FAVORITE SILLY THINGS I CAME UP WITH here i talked abt this w friends a while ago let me grab it. readmore bc there's a lot

TLDR: not at first, but he comes to eventually, partially because he is brainfused to arthur and as a result is kind of backseating his gender euphoria LOL

(these are discord messages i've attempted to format + some elaboration on things people might not know, in brackets.)

so it’s like. the sentient robots ([DRACOs and PULSARs], kathos is kind of his own deal) don’t exactly like. wake up with a gender rlly? like they know what it is— i’m not really sure what the baseline of information they wake up with is, but i think they have like a vague bookish understanding of most things, but are kind of clinical in that it’s not hands on info really so they don’t have like… idk a deep understanding of it? like it’s uncertain surface level knowledge, kind of childish, almost. [imagine reading a book about a train. you know what it is, conceptually, but you've never seen one in person. it's effective, but different.]

so, again, they know what gender is, but don’t have one internally. DRACOs left to their own devices, especially in groups (so, the decoms [i can't remember if i've said this, but the decoms are 'decommissioned' dracos that never got corrupted. zarian is one of them. i think i have?]) kind of… figure it out eventually? like they somewhat arbitrarily decide “i will use these pronouns” for clarity's sake. some even go so far as to say “i’m a girl/i’m a boy” if they find they enjoy it, but it’s not all of them. v1s that connect with a pilot have access to… kind of their memories? it’s hard to explain, like they can’t rewatch things their pilot has experienced exactly but they, on top of the baseline knowledge, get their pilots understanding of the world. [i gave an example of this but its spoilers teehee.]

a lot of times, this also results in them copying their pilot’s gender identity, because their understanding of it is now colored by their pilots emotions and therefore they’re like oh ! this is good then! a DRACO that does this may end up changing their mind if left to ponder it long enough (tramsgener…) but usually like they’re content to like. bum hits of gender euphoria off their pilots i guess LOL

zarian iiis kind of a mix of both? zarian gets both his name and his pronouns from captain zarian, an in-universe comic book hero. he’s a he/him user but not a “man”, he doesn’t really care. this ends up more or less compounded when he gets fused to arthur, and he ends up enjoying being a “boy” in the traditional sense a bit more.

[askuemki]

I also have a build a bear dinosaur plush from like years ago, girlie is kinda ripping apart but I still love her nonetheless

Yeah I’m weak asf so I’m a little scared that my skin would tear from their nipping :,)

Think I have a character based on those curly furred doves, her name is Dina (before I knew who Dina from the last of us was lol), she’s a bit of a tragedy but eh it brings life to the plot

I had to search her up, it’s been so long since I’ve watched that show, seems too unnatural to be a natural voice so I’m believing you there

Victoria is a really elegant name to me tbh, I remember seeing a post abt why your mother chose that name and it’s a really sweet reason

Favorite breed is HARD to decide, all cats are lovely cats!! Though I do enjoy rag dolls and sphinxes from time to time ^^

I love birds, they’re either so creepy or so cute

Wouldn’t wanna own one but i enjoy watching them do their thing

Also the Rio movie, I’ve been rewatching that and falling in love with it all over again, there’s so many jokes that flew over my head when I was younger (pun intended)

I’d pet a wolf if it was deemed safe, the movie is kind of that cringy wolf pack hierarchy but I might of had a crush on two of the characters there when I was smaller 😭

The game can be found on Roblox, it used to be really lively years ago, but it’s kind of just dead now (sad tbh)

I was thinking abt dying my hair red but tbh I’m okay with being a natural brunette

I like my dark ass hair but my mother is like “go out into the sun!”

Nah man I’m happy being a vampire

Maybe they don’t have a name in Spanish, if that’s the case then I’m a little bummed abt it

I have plants but like, most of them are dying sighs

My coleus looks like it’s been burnt to a crisp, one of my Angel wings might have root rot, and surprisingly my purple wandering Jew keeps getting longer and longer

Hortensia feels like a cute name to me ngl, though the pronunciation might be horrendous

The name Gabrielle feels common, if just feels meh, might change my mind if i can be convinced otherwise

Hortensia feels niche, but it’s a silly kind of niche id live for

Only positive for G existing for me is the words girl or gay lol

My dad almost named me Samantha, I always wondered why

procrastinating here!! Don't mind me if i bug your inbox random confession, I had my hair cut for like a few months now (it's in a boyish type of cut) It's kind of rare but I always enjoy when people go like "wtf is that a guy??" and then they're like "oh shit no, it's a woman" I don't think Ill ever go back to long hair man, it's too hard to take care of (props to the people who can and do)

It's six in the afternoon and I just woke up and I'm shaking like a crackhead because it's been too many hours without drinking water or eating, helppppp.

I love when I see very androgynous people and I don't know if they are women, men or neither <33333 I think it's cool

And yessss, my hair goes past my hips and I love it but it is a job to take care of it and it's especially uncomfortable because it is very hot in my country.

[zai-doodles]

OK OK this is my last question for real this time, I say with complete confidence

I just… MAN you really sold me on platonic Nalu!!! Would you please give a poor, desperate soul (me) some of your platonic Nalu headcanons? Or even just one is fine, I know writing all of these up must be tiring lol

bestie im literally having a blast stop apologizing im kissing u so platonically ily

ONTO THE NALU HCS

i actually have a bunch of stuff written for them so imma just throw it here

Natsu is so fucking acearo its not even funny They're besties, natsu would protect lucy with his life and lucy would do the same but its platonic i swear guys- Lucy is the first NEW person natsu gets close to after lisanna, bc this boy is so tired of having ppl taken from him without his fucking say so Like idk natsu works so hard to be strong enough to protect his family and then his dad and childhood best friend disappear without a trace when he's not even around to help?? Boy thinks he's cursed I fully believe that Natsu would rarely leave gray and erza's side as kids bc he was worried he close his eyes and they'd just be gone It gets SO much worse after lisanna dies

Idk the actual age when this happens in canon but im saying he was probably like 11 and had known lis since he was like 4 Erza and gray r also really shaken by her death but the thing that really fucks with them is how it changes natsu bc if u thought these 3 were codependent before oh boy All this to say that lucy was like, an exception, and its probably why erza and gray were so quick to be like yes shes great bc they were more just excited and kinda relieved natsu made a fucking friend without them or the guild involved I think his job was taking longer than he wanted, and he was growing really frustrated and impatient with the fact he hadn't found anything abt igneel and happy was trying to cheer him up but in my mind when natsu's bummed he's bummed he meets lucy and she's just so nice But its also that shes also kinda fucking weird and natsu just latches onto that bc to him weird is normal and comfortable and it makes him bounce back and idk it goes kinda similar to how it goes in canon without natsu and happy being weirdly antagonistic and Lucy isnt as put off by how bat shit crazy natsu is bc she just finds it fun and like a breath of fresh air Like lucy grew up in such a suffocating proper environment, so when she meets natsu and his fucking crazyness shes like omg finally my life is so boring Lucy is genuinely looking for excitement and adventure so of course she goes with natsu to join fairy tail And I think it takes natsu aback how ready she is to go with him but i think in his mind because she wasn’t deterred by his “quriks” like most ppl he was immediately like new family fuck yea Bc idk that's just how his mind works bc subconsciously i think natsu knows he is difficult or weird so he's learned to latch onto the people who don't mind that abt him and that's just so happened to,, only be ppl who had to put up with him in fairy tail Not to mention a part of him probably believes it's his fault that igneel left in that kid way where u just feel like everything is ur fault oop Also also i think that lucy literally has no frame of reference for like, a normal healthy friendship, so she kinda just takes natsu's lead and oh boy is that a mistake Like after lucy joins the guild natsu is just CONSTANTLY hanging around her the way he did with erza and gray when they were kids and lucy, again having little to no sense of how friends work, just kinda lets him and gets use to it, she actually really enjoys having that sort of attention bc idk she's never really experienced having someone WANT to be around her just cuz, like the closest thing she had to friends were her servants who were literally obligated to be around her all the time and any “friends” her age she had were forced to hang out with her bc of her family I think Gray and Erza start to worry a bit that if Natsu is too overbearing he’ll end up pushing lucy away bc they're all under the assumption that lucy is a normal person with normal boundaries and a normal childhood So they pull natsu aside like hey bestie maybe don't growl at people when they look at her she might think ur mean and stop wanting to hang out with u Bc they KNOW how natsu is and they dont mind but they're also 2 traumatized orphans who don't have a normal frame of reference for how other ppl work, but unlike natsu they usually air on the side of caution It kinda eats at natsu a bit and he tries to give lucy her space especially if she gets even a little annoyed with him Lucy starts to notice but doesn't say anything bc she just figures he's probably bored with her bc she genuinely believes she's just painfully uninteresting in every way And then she gets kidnapped And natsu loses his fucking mind :D Bc for fuck sake this boy can NOT have a friend without them being taken from him High key it goes like, the same as canon bc i like how that went But the AFTERMATH Oh fucking boy Natsu literally doesn't leave her side This is where, i think, Natsu starts breaking into lucy's apartment lol Its treated as comedic but there's an underlying tension where natsu is just extremely hesitant to leave ever or even let lucy leave And that's when lucy starts to be like aight this cant continue Not in a mean way in just a, idk how to function if i can't be alone ever and it lowkey brings memories of her childhood which is also bad bc natsu isn't her keeper nor should he be And that's not what natsu is TRYING to do he's literally just so scared that if he blinks wrong shell disappear they figure it out tho bc they r friends and UGH i just wanT them to talk and cuddle platonically bc UGH I LOVE THEMMM

[captainaikus]

okay first of all *clears throat* how are you? are you feeling better? has the tea and comfort show binging been helping? i hope you get better soon!! second I FREAKING LOVE THE NEW THEME THE HECK IT LOOKS SO GOOD!!!! and third for the ask game can I ask 🤩, 🔮, and 💌? and fourth. Oh my God. The fact that you love Haikyuu and Tokyo Revengers is literally amazing adhkkjhhhgf. Who’s your favorite character? Are you caught up in the manga? Did you hear the devestating news that the rest of Haikyuu is gonna be animated into 2 movies? I wanna sob like they can’t do my comfort show like this there are too many scenes they’re gonna have to cut out and God forbid maybe some matches too *sobs*. And Tokyo Revengers only had two chapters left. Yes I’m totally fine what are you talking abt 🙂🙂🙂. Last weeks chapter and this weeks chapter freaking destroyed me. I mean I say that abt every chapter but like THESE TWO GAVE ME SO MUCH WHIPLASH LIKE *screameths*. Anyways. I hope you’re doing good and that your day goes well!! As always *sends many virtual hugs*

- ✨ anon

✨ anon !! Hi lovely !! ૮⸝⸝> ̫ <⸝⸝ ა

I just got back from the doctor's, took my meds and healing, kinda bummed out that my roommates went for a halloween party dressed as ghostface basic bitch and the other was gluskin (he didn't look terrifying but his manners were; 'for the sake of our children') but i got chocolates so i'm happy and November is here (¬‿¬)

AND I HIT 900 FOLLOWERS!!

Its my birthday month so I have an excuse to skip out on No Nut November... but my writing? It's gonna go up a notch (¬‿¬) with the possibility of making it hard for you guys; pun intended.

I'm deciding to roll with pink as my theme. Spooktober is over and now its my month so I'm going with pink cause its my favorite color.

૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ აThe theme is still in the making... but I'm taking my time with it and trying to make the blog look pretty. Theme said being; dangerous but cute

For the ask game :

🤩 : What led to your interest in the fandom?

I blame my brain, youtube, pinterest and instagram for this.

I was pretty active in the knb and bnha fandom (i was an aomine fanatic, still am tho) and bnha is something I've put on hold for now. With wattpad, tumblr followed and soon ao3 (my ex friend had to teach me how to use it). After instagram came, I got to see edits and that piqued my interest in the anime and I also followed pop culture accounts (that's how I found jjk and tr). Then came the writing. I've always had a knack for it, winning creative writing certificates in school and even writing for papers, there was always an idea that I had so, I decided to use it for writing x reader inserts for characters.

🔮 Any advice for writers working through burnout or writer’s block?

There can be a lot of reasons for a writer to have a burnout or have a writing block but its mostly to do with pressure imo. Can be because you feel that your writing is not good enough, could be that you want to keep the follower count high, could be a rivaling author or any reason.

To avoid a burnout, you need detachment and discipline. Don't write it all in one day (unless you're really up for it) make a bit of progress every day and add content to your writing. Don't let your readers force you into updates, taking your time with it is what makes the writing and reading more savory. If you have a writer's block, try something new. A change in environment always helps and there's not one particular thing you have to stick to. Watching a show and reading books has helped me understand the style of my writing better. You can follow writing prompt blogs as well and build your storyline around it (I prefer to create my own content so I have my own writings prompts).

💌 Is there a favorite trope you like to write?

Enemies to lovers (please the amount of hate sex I thrive on - five wrong one right readers know), forbidden love (planning to start this for Toji), mythology ( i had this in my wip and then I had to take it down), partners in crime (Bllk) and best friends to lovers (planning to write this for Bllk)

Basically, dark romance, slow burn, angsty with comfort themes.

Haikyuu : I really can't choose tbh cause I like all of them... sawamura daichi, miya twins, kuroo, Kageyama, Haiba Lev (victor and yuri's lovechild) and bokuto (the himbo captains sue me)

Tr : I like Shiba Hakkai (mans too precious and is the baby. Can't look a woman in the eye and yes, I like shy boys but he's also kinda a himbo), Mitsuya (must be protected at all costs), Kisaki tetta (his brain is sexy), Wakasa Imaushi, Inupi (reminds me of shoto) and Kawaragi Senjuu.

Tell me your fav characters! (/ω＼)

Oml. The rest of haikyuu is gonna be made into 2 movies? This is as bad as taking beefy Bokuto away from the anime. smh its starting to look like the repeat of beastars and promised neverland (remember how disappointing that was? They literally skipped an entire arc with Hugo in it)

I'll have to catch up with tr. I haven't read the manga in months now but it wasn't a surprise that it was coming to an end; saw a lot of posts instagram about that

Chainsawman on the other hand. You guys aren't gonna like Makima. The manga readers already hate her.

*Sending back hugs*

[pop-punklouis]

Hi hope, sorry this is a bit of a rant so feel free to ignore if you want, I just am feeling like H is kind of out of touch with the fandom atm, it’s not the stunt stuff bc I know he doesn’t ‘choose’ to do it, it’s a product if his closeting and his contracts, but just like doing the whale at his concert and talking abt the pandemic like it’s in the past just doesn’t sit right with me. So many ppl are still struggling. I’m struggling and I don’t even have it that bad compared to others but like his pandemic and my pandemic are NOT the same thing. And he says “you’ve changed my life” like thank you fans for making me rich and famous... like that’s not why I love your music dude, that’s not why I’m a fan and why I support you. Sigh, sorry love I really like your blog and always enjoy your take on things and I really don’t wanna bum you out, but anyway thank you for listening 💕

hi bb.

you can rant to me whenever! x i totally understand this stance and frustration. many people have been feeling distant from harry, lately. in my opinion, 2020-2021 has been a year that has caused him to be incredibly separated from the fandom. his impersonal persona has been building for a while, but i firmly believe that this year has been the tipping point for many fans. and i think a big portion of that is because of how he’s come off during the pandemic which has been insanely disappointing. he’s come across as an entitled, rich brat much of the time that hasn’t been counterbalanced with seeing the other side of him many people know and adore. only seeing this one side for over a year will weigh on anyone, and i don’t blame them. i’ve had my fair share of upset with him and complete and utter confusion about certain decisions he’s made. and that’s perfectly fine to admit. i’ll be honest, i never though harry would be the one who would’ve been the most careless during a pandemic out of all the boys, and yet here we are 18 months later. on top of what you mentioned, i also was highly uncomfortable with the poem by charles bukowski that seemed to be narrated as harry’s intro to his tour. featuring a poem that has a line that reads “To do a dangerous thing with style is what I call art” in the middle of a pandemic that you’re touring in and putting even more of your fans in danger feels so far out of touch with reality it boggles my mind. i understand what he was going for regarding the tour intro— and i would’ve been inclined to not think much of it if it had been in different circumstances. but, dude context is key and it seems like a lot of his decisions lately that have upset people in this pandemic is because he hasn’t thought about the context of those actions in a pandemic.

like you said, most of the frustration doesn’t come from his stunts or what he’s contractually obligated to do. no one is pointing a finger at him for things that he could be barred from changing. the upset comes from the other actions that we’ve continuously seen, unfortunately. everyone knows i don’t hate him— and criticizing any of the boys should never equate to thinking someone hates them. i absolutely adore harry, but i haven’t felt connected to him in a long while. ever since march 2020, i’ve seen a steady shift in what people expect out of celebrity and how they engage with celebrity. it’s gone past the mold of traditional promo and branding, and it has become almost expected for an artist to feel authentic to who they are for there to be a much bigger connection to them and their work. harry styles™️ works under the old, traditional mold of celebrity and that just doesn’t cut it anymore. they have to evolve and stop believing this foundational rockstar approach is going to sustain him indefinitely. it won’t, and the cracks are only getting bigger. i’m hoping with whatever dates he does do with this tour, that that changes the perception a lot of people have started having about him as tour!harry is where he feels the most personable to his fans instead of a corporate machine. yet, the first show back felt stagnant and rushed. so, beyond anything, i hope it doesn’t stay that way and there’s that genuine warmth we all know of harry onstage going forward *big shrug*

[pndnj]

Cathartic- Yellow Metal Lyrics

Heres where I am with the lyrics, I referenced @25Goldenn on twitter for some of it that I couldn’t comprehend. 

*music*

0:23

Dark matter, like painted splatters, they fit better, the old saying, the way it goes, better the devil you do then you don’t know. I hit pedals and switch levers, my heart metal, I can't settle, im part trouble, they are not subtle. I fuck good so fuck cuddles, burst bubbles the thrist levels at new heights, i down doubles, and got baked til I felt high, my face puzzled, felt muddled, far strung and your floors woodent, the thought might but the fit wouldn’t. A fortnight

0:46 - 1:00

And I thought right, it’s all bark and no bite, I’m Tony Stark still embarking on a dream, took a bit of time to take darkness from the team. Seen what I saw. Heartless on the sleeve. Tried to burn my wings, so I put them in a piece on my chest , at peace no rest.

1:00-1:15

Flipped this on it’s head. Rip the script up now, flip it don’t pretend, slipping shit again, Fakers all around me, I’ve been living in pretense. Fake friends won’t make amends. There’s no need, these mean comments control the scenes. Attentionseekers, the spine is weakened

1:15-1:24

This family needs, what a family needs, and the planet bleeds, the damaged trees. It’s never leaving til we ascend so fuck the fence, and until they stop killing colour it’s fuck the feds.

1:22 - 1:44

You must be off it, I mean it, you know you ain’t never get with the judging and I used to dread growing my beard too long, never felt I belonged, but it's really long like a minute I ain’t looking to no mans for the limits, They’re feeling timid, I’m telling them who they mimic, why they don't look like a clinic …. Why they don't get no women, Still, we’re just fucking girls, Lost in the wrong world, Jurassic, now to this vermin

1:41-  1: 50

Kicking the game I’m serving, these losers are never learning, my fire is forever burning, adding it to my fuel, seems like I’m always focused on never becoming you, These locals that rob us feeling … was for a reason.

1:52-2:02

I’m seeing my new beginnings, watch out this loser’s winning, and no water is too deep to swim in Like I’m about to see a killing, I’m all the way that and living, flawless and feeling lawless, the prison now to the gimmicks, my vision is set to something,

2:03-:2:20

I’m watching you bitches plummet, no matches here for my cunning, you rappers are feeling done in, switching your genre, running and Running your jaw, stunting, pulling at straws, something  I think you’re a poor effort, deaf and tone deaf and I ain’t treat you separate. Living, I’m in my element, riding it like a … never lose me to fentanyl, scared when I take a benadryl. Keeping it green in general

2:20- 2:46

Think that you remain irrelevant. Look at yourself with reverence, hoping to always elevate. Celibate of these thoughts, killing themselves with sedatives. In comparison to eminem, you’re feeling feminine. Impolitically correct, still dropping on my dick. And I never gave a fuck about what they say abt my shit, I’ve been moving things in my mind like it’s this mountain dew Memories have made me wonder if one day I’m after you. What’s the purpose that you do, is what you're hoping that they learn, i’d like to say i’m done but it’s getting up on my nerves

2:46 -2:55

I’m looking at my life, saying what do I deserve. It’s hard to say I know when I’m walking through the dirt. Talking while you’re nothing I can see for what it’s worth. I’m tired of feeling hurt and I’ve tried enough but nothing works.

2:55-3:40

I’m racking up excuses while I’m slacking off on work. Chit chatting is the usual, talking to this clerk, i beg you don’t include me. I might write it on my shirt so everytime they see me, the oldest know to swerve. SWERVE Life is potent, bits of fucked shit… till they took notice weren’t  no hocus pocus, it was hard work that got me heard so i put in the graph like google maps but the whole earth

… around my door mat, taking over like the drones, rolling dirt up in miles like the water, and exploding like Annas hematoma. Don't need to see a slammer to know that I don't want to go man

I’m a showman. I’m just focused on the drama… like i’ve got my own insurance, show myself the pain, like i boxed it in the frame, if we’re about to talk greatness im great, the way you have to say my name like beyonce

“Say my name”

4:00-4:46

Just a bum with a cigarette, sun coming up, all my thoughts on the internet. Feeling deep, I’m just bored with the silhouette single sec,  get fucked up for the thrill of it . killer streak playing Pacman. Like I came from the Philippines vanilla bean still a thing for the thrill of scene,

Theres a beam, UFO, Leave it well alone  I aint moving, stood still on the peloton, telephone and its always on the dial tone,  it's been a while since i’ve smiled at a milestone, seen a big pile in my mind stone, me against the world on my Jack Jones, Like I’m John Jones, With pictures in the condo, far from John Doe, in the ___, like I'm Johnny Bravo, got pravado, with a small dick sitting in golados, feeling far gone, cuz that last hit was the good shit, was that stay lit

4:48-5:02

You can never take my shit come and get me. On the top floor,  cloud 9, fading, never bailing, felt amazing, inhaling, til my lungs two guns blazing. Overcome all the stunts that I pulled. A suit of just skin and then wool

5:02- 5:17

This life doesn’t give you no armour, a lot of myself can harm ya. I swear on what’s good, that I’m here till they take me. I pray that I’m wrinkled, at least over 80, and start moving like a ruler, ?damaged? Like a computer going fast, bars from the jeweler, bring the songs to the beach in hopes of finding tuna

5:18-5:36

…

5:36- 6:16

Grab a bat, lose my rag. Couple things got me mad, a couple people got me wrong and now I’m changing up the swag. Coming in and stealing it, I might take the whole bag. Feeling undefeated, I’m a beast with a reason, and imma lead the whole pack. Fearless like I’m Caesar, I’m just waiting for a chance to fill it up with diesel, and all I've been achieving is clocking miles in its region, moving like a legion.

Promise that I made to myself an allegiance. Do you still believe I’m a fool for ever leaving, staring at the ceiling, can never put a cap on achieving. I’m just here for the rap, then I’m leaving.

I’ve had about enough of being my own enemy, it’s time I grew up,  a long way from 17. Always went against the grain, struggles in my life. Got some things to say when I stand up on a mike.

6:16-6:32

I ain’t dropping this for fame, I need this time, like therapy, it’s just to keep me sane. The truth is on my medicine, can’t put that on your plate.

Speeding into everything, bout time I fixed the brakes. Don’t say I can’t communicate , you know I conversate with you in several different ways. And I know you know it’s references, looking at your face.

6:33- 6:53

Can’t justify mistakes, like every man that made them, seems I ain't  the one to blame. Lying to myself, only had so much to gain, so now I’m switching up the plate, see if that affects the place, im at on most days

I ain’t going with the usual so they looking at me strange. Confused, I can feel it all,  I’m here to make a change. It’s cold at 3am outside, I’m walking with the dog, thanking god that you don’t talk at all, my mind is switching off

6:54-7:12

Driving down to find myself, cuz I’ve been getting lost, lived this selfless life and found I can give a toss. Lessons that I’ve learned I’ve tried teaching to myself. What I’ve learnt from certain people is that they’re better than myself.

So I surround myself with real ones, and you feel the plastic melt. Like burning toy soldiers that used to go up on the shelf. Recycle the ideas, conveying on the belt

7:14-7:29

.. circus, always hurting the way we felt? Embarrassed that we dreamt of bigger things and letting go of notions till we feel them in cement

Tired of only hoping, we feel broken men. Cuz the gravity is weight and has kept us to the ground, see the only people speaking with favors in their mouths

7:46-7:58

Got killer rhymes… no fillers, like godzilla, eating clouds cuz my smokes thicker, throat licker, my dope sicker, bringing people their hope like im the pope slicker,  i hope you’re getting the point cuz i walk quicker

I thought my city was shit bcs I want bigger like my zipper couldn’t zip up fed up with the…my love is fickle.. Residual age has a primitive face

I see demise for your limited ways, Left it to simmer, simmer away…a fake glimmer in the haze

8:09-8:11

Feeling trapped this industry is a cage

8:34-8:50

Nobody’s speaking the truth, I’m offended by the State. Look at the state of the news, I’ve decided the argument, reciting my views, while they’ve been sat in their chairs, I’m feeling pressure to choose.

Standing here as one man, how can I do half when you’re half the person I am. If it wasn’t in your life, you didn’t choose it. It’s the funny thing about music. It’s the pain and beauty of it.

8:52-9:11

Don’t give a fuck what my suit is, it looks good so I wear it, better than the shoot that People’s wearing, changing the whole narrative for these basics and scarcity

Been facing the racists from back when i were a kiddie .born up in in 93’. been living in Bradford City..kicked me out of the schools, they had a problem with me hitting the kids that would call me p*** still sitting in the classroom chilling, and i'm angry now that I’m older I see they treat us different

9:12-9:25

got me thinking I’m the problem cuz they never dealt with those issues.

20 years later I’m still in the same boat, tryna treat me like my grandpa, say I came up off the boat. Came to tell you what I stand for, man I think you’re shit, a joke. How can I be civil, when they got me by the throat

9:25-9:35

Pushing my feelings down, you ain’t got it like them

‘Boy your skin is so light’, ok motherfucker take my name up on a flight. Try to convince immigration that your bloodline’s half white.

9:35-9:45

I don’t know how that’s acceptable, when life is more susceptible to perception, be the death of them. I’ve been looking at the sky saying where’s that day of reckoning, you had your prophets right when they say that you would speak to them.

9:45-9:55

I need justice in this life and I trust that it’s my fight, cuz when I’m writing it feels right to have them focused on the facts again. Focused on the rap again, hoping for the change, gunna put this on the map again

9:55-10:16

Writing in all caps again, the pain, it goes through me so I write the letter. All the shit that could have brought me but made me better.

I’m at home with a pain in my soul , yeh rap… cuz you know I was too real to contest it, my time was invested. Now I look at the industry, I see it infested, looking like kids who would write on nesquik.

10:17-10:29

My name ain’t on the list unless they label it ethnic.

I ain’t never gave a fuck about these jokers and jesters. Ain’t no answers for these things, so just save us the questions, man allowed of violence, cuz my silence is deafening, your opinion stinks, somebody get him a breath mint.

10:30- 10:42

Start to understand why they think that I’m threatening, I move in certain ways, couldn’t slow me with ketamine Now they all wanna hear me, got a table at letterman. Direction changed, like I changed up the lettering. Don’t believe the age ,bcs I move like a veteran.

10:42 - 10:47

Raised on the benefit for whose benefit, they’ll never learn shit, man, if the shoe fits.

…no words coming out when you open your mouth

And to be honest, it’s insulting, offensive to my wounds that have been salting. Tryna ask me questions that they know I never answer. I’d rather sit online and reply to the fan art

11:00-11:06

Fuck a sports car, coming through when i rapped

tell you what I like, farm life and the tractor

11:06- 11:17

Fake life, 'sup online, suck a fat one. You don’t wanna buy into that, none of that son. Sitting in the garden 98’ in the Datsun,  seen some hot summers but I still remember that sun.

*music*

11:51- 12:34

I make millions off of my pain, cause I know a few millions still living that way

Dealing with the hurt, they should know cause they don’t deserve it, it hit deep cause i hit the nerve. Only way that the sheep learn if the street firm, in my ways I don’t wanna change, everything just stay the same

Who you tryna convince you understand, cant maintain, let the lights dim some,  get the Chow Mein, flex, get the tape, right up at night

Why these men be nice to my face, be nice,  i ain’t tryna be a gangsta ruins my vibe

Rather be low-key and on my phone. Never need the trophy or the show piece

Never show peace in a North Face fleece. Show kids this like i wrote my flip

Cause the sign might fit till the start i’m sick

12:37-13:05

Now you see where I come from, the world don’t. Only achievement in this life is the Jordans. Committing petty crimes out of boredom, we can’t afford them. So I stole it, need a rolex

Go make sense, get yourself a job, It’s a poor man’s game tryna sit and pray to god, he ain’t sorting out your problems, gotta sort them out yourself

Used to tell us fables, now I’m writing them myself, Cause we raw like animals we all just need some help

Cathartic, I’m an artist, trying to put my heart in

Felt double crossed like Leo in Departed

13:05- 13:27

For the knowledge i’m not charging see I got it all free

But my hunger kept me starving like i’m feening for the feed

I just Need a reason to see me bleeding for my creed. Trick you with the words like I keep em up my sleeve. Picking where I fit, I see me sitting with the queen

I ain’t doing it unless you’re used to saying please

Let me flow a bit, before I sting 'em with the bees, They tryna kill us with disease

(Music)

13:34- 14:12

Why does it feel like they had the same notebook and the same four looks

Like the rain won't touch on their face, so sus when they lie don’t trust not a minor

Please no fuss, I just move through the game like must

Something in the way i adjust till i stick, Free falling like the ship, free fall till i bust

Remember 21 brother gave no fucks. Trying to project when they give them looks

In the projects, in the objects us

In my own way, never gave me love, shoulda never started this, broken hearted kid

Dried up the feeling till I stole the lid

Don’t wanna relish in the fame but I can’t resist

14:46-14:58

I like the way we feel, I like the way, I like the way

Ain’t no mistake, i am a being

I ain’t tryna be a leader, been selling out since Jesus

All my rhymes are for the readers, between the lines, like Father time, I fuck Mother Nature

14:58-15:40

That’s what they get, the connotations. Tell 'em I lived a life, and then I lived a life of adjacent? like its…. and played it patient.

Alone on my own spaceship, always tryna find greatness, still defying lines, but I’m fighting in my prime.

Shining light like Kylo while imma kill it all the time. Aging like I’m wine

Asian in my face, but still my race you can’t define. Focused on defiance, imma fight it while it’s life.

Started something sick and on my mind is what’s next, just became a dad so now I’m taking all the cheques. Better know I’m staying and paying like it’s debt. Imma get it done, if it’s taking all my breath, sweat, and down I ain’t messing around til I’m the best

Speaking in full sentences, shoulda thought about a strategy before you went at the stratosphere about this… rings around Saturn, this ain’t a battle, I’m sat, I’m here

15:40-16:22

Catch me doing magic, hired and sounding tragic I think you could use practice and until that you get the blacklist and pull like a … actress? Fooling them like a catfish, schooling like a legend, happy to be the reference, fusing like iridescence, leaving them all guessing, leaking out of my brain like a pipe I aint fixing, shining like a star you can see it from a distance

Aint many of me around p*** I’m just different Certain stages to this level aint here because fame is to the devil fuck a label, imma do this from the ghetto, clean up like Im Dettol

I’m the man to put a bet on, sight smart like a weapon,  this is my kind of setting, i write the world I’m sat in, while these others live on hype, i see them fight in how they type, the fruit is ripe for the taking, i think i might

16:22-16:57

Let me take you away from here, Let me take you away from here, Let me take you away from here

16:58- 17:47

Eccentric things are mentioned like a kid stuck in detention tryna escape im just spitting what is written on the next page, spitting image of my dad in his young days

Born sinner when i’m livid i say fucks sake

Don’t worry i’m too cunning with no plumbing, the waterworks, i sung something that resonates, i thought it first like giving birth to the parrot perch

They see me do it and they know it works

Don’t know what’s worse: the way that you live your life or the way that you write a verse

You’ll be nervous, you don’t deserve it we’ll scratch the surface ill leave a crater, lift the dirt up to find the hurting

Can’t know for certain nothing is guaranteed, tryna be a better person than the world deserves to see cuz i see a lot of sharks still swimming in the sea

Cease and arrest what’s the reason.. And these the kinda kids we bringing up next

Distorted reality, all they needed was family, too hard to face, to see what the damage is

17:47

*i don’t wanna be, i don’t wanna be, a part of this, no, i don’t wanna be, i don’t wanna be, a part of this, *

18:04-18:38

Sometimes they ask the questions too deep to form a sentence, to disform, is this the norm, is this the sentence i feel defenseless i played the setlist, and all my sweat blood and tears, forgot to mention feeling lost, going off into different sections i feel like love wrecked it

If it’s not a drug why am i waiting for the next fix, affected, i cant believe that you left this

I guess I leave for the best wish, moving on like im fine for the lectures

We see it all from spectrums, cuz if we’re falling down we can fall down together

Staircase to heaven, mirror down the middle like 11, resentment on one side it won’t settle

18:38- 19:14

Mind fried but taking sense, they aint got a sense of themselves in the rich ends

Need to spell it out for them.. Made for them so witness

I know you feel afflicted but you always love it with me while im laughing at you, ya think you’re laughing with me

I try to (i love you) but im grown so they don’t fit me, my body thrown from the new to this old city so Im sick of sitting on my own, feeling so shitty, i’ve been on roads where its cold and the snow hitting

Its okay to be yourself, sit and talking to myself

I’ve been walking for the longest, just need a little rest, know i ain’t the strongest, I can feel it in my chest, talking about my feelings and of me, they get the best

19:14-19:59

They aint leaving, seeing breathing in my breath

Till death do us part is just seeded in my heart, like a work of art

Never winning,im just scared

Cant begin from the start, do i play a part in the rhythm of the night

I guess i’m onto something cuz the dark is feeling right

Every cloud got a lining, put my own miles  in, like moralis, figured that they’re jealous, that they could just never tell us to change because the weather never made me question whether or not i’m not that level

Got rid of all the bullshit sitting in my way, most of them are full of shit i see it every day

I do hearing the same things that i do, maybe that shits hitting like haiku

How much do you pay for them to hype you

Recycle your flaws but they aint like new, leaving and conceded and full of diesel like engines that need a cleaning, the ending will be revealing. Even though we ain’t raising the facts, now we been facing.

20:01-20:52

The cactus with spikes, needing spaces. Different faces, the same story. A full body like straight body direct to your system.

Could never tell 'em we missed’ em. Not even with the thoughts, we gift them. Cuz they just take advantage, guess we are caught in a system.

My soul pouring out details of borrowed time, had enough of a fill, this is for sorrow time. I’m seeing visions of Heaven, I seen the severed line, between the gospel they speak and when theyre telling lies.

Remember telling a friend of mine, you’d sent of mine, identified like a 3rd eye. Got a habit of knowing now where the dirt lies. So benign. I ain’t sober after 9, so I fuck their minds. Why you flipping out, see another

Try to rep it from the city, fuck a chiller crew, repping for the nittys, trying to keep us down, raised on the social, don’t want to let us out of the system. Me, I insist we assist them, me alone putting shifts til I lift them

20:53-21:12

I know it’s hard, that’s why I like it, I’m fit to fight it, I’m from the North, I’m backing Tyson, it’s been decided, don’t see no light. They needing guiding, just redefining, realizing, I’m realigning, in full finance, they stay silenced.

Can’t be louder, I’m juiced up with no powder. I fix shit like a slick spanner. Gone green like Bruce Banner. So free Gaza on my banner

21:12-21:51

The real McCoy, I ain’t nothing to toy with, signifying peace like a Japanese Koi Fish. How did this happen, we’re moving backwards in our timeline, killing us with cyanide, Right up for the freedom 'til we transform like Ironhide

This is bout my feelings, the way that I move affects the fate that I’m sealing. Can’t say nothing, with that something being on the page, kept inside the pen like the bars that have been kept caged. See I always had a plan, since I was young, we had nothing man

Now it’s been a few years since I ain’t seen the fam, on foreign lands. Bout to climb Everest in the avalanche. Right into the riddles as soon as you were born. Never asking the question cuz it’s the norm. See I’m in a questionin’ session

21:52-22:03

Like the manner got a method to teaching a lesson, listen to MF Doom, he taught me like Ra’s Al Ghul. Felt like living in Gotham, the people were rotten. Still we play cartoons so it’s never forgotten.

22:03-22:15

Chilling at the top but we came from the bottom. Writing and jottin for them life by, spotting the difference

*Dreams, was growing out of me, sun promising that tomorrow it will rise, time playing games with my mind, I swear it will pass us by

Train goes on the tracks, smoke, I’m tired to hide my thoughts, so blinded in flames, Don’t know where we’re going, I have no way of knowing, only see what’s in my head

Can’t we wait a minute, so we can savour this, It’s on my brain again, these days, It on my brain again these days”

23:10-23:46

They’re hating on Palestine ways, The oh no Palace playing Prince on the Steinway, Sending out mind waves, stop them like crimewaves, Freedom fighter, Yellow Metal is my name

Like vipers, I see the sly ones, the snake that’s called Biden, none of them abiding what they might put in writing

We should be used to it by now, say whatever for the vote and then just choose another route, say they’d never kill another unless that brother’s skin is brown

I’m just telling you the facts, if you can’t take it, the truth naked, to bare bones and my thoughts lately, spitting politics.. Done ain’t it, Shit just gets me vexed, and now I’m sitting that I think of it

23:45-23:59

Feeling on the brink of it, whatever it is, Figure out some shit at least it feels that way

talk about my feelings and I don’t feel so strange, finding solace, that’s a promise, in Metropolis but being honest, can’t write a sonnet, without some pain

24:00-24:40

Can’t fade away, away so we can savour this, been on my brain again these days

Can't find a way to be so you can savour this, been on my brain these days

Singing the song for another, singing a song for another

[parismystere]

Also while I personally don’t like canon Chloé at all, I think the writers are doing both her and Adrien so dirty with her arc falling into pieces and Adrien being given zero agency or letting him drive the show (I mean I have mixed feelings abt marinette: I like her character flaws but the writers take it a bit far sometimes and she has 0 breathing room to grow or learn from her mistakes (because the writers don’t seem to think her behaviour is problematic?) so while I can sympathise with her enough and don’t actively dislike her, I honestly wish she could take a back seat for a hot minute and let Adrien actually take charge for once, god knows Paris and she show at large would be better for it

honestly, you know what's the funny thing? marinette doesn't drive ml either. believe it or not. i made this post recently (sorry for all the self-promo) and it might appear to us like she drives the show because she gets the most screentime and is the face of it, but so far, the most dramatic and emotional moments in ml have revolved around adrien. the plot has revolved around adrien. marinette became guardian because she made a mistake as she got jealous of kagami and... adrien. she's more like our exposition character, while the agrestes are the reason why anything happens. even marinette's biggest long-term arc is her crush for... adrien. so in an odd way, he does drive the show.

now. for the longest time i thought that the issue is that marinette has no relations to the agreste plot, gabriel isn't even her fashion designer mentor or something. but after today's episode, i might have to re-evaluate everything and think long and hard about how i feel about it, because felix did more in 10 minutes than what our heroes have done in four seasons. true, he already came with the knowledge that he was a sentikid made with the peacock miraculous, but the way he figured out gabriel's identity? and the trick with the hem of his pants? holy shit. ladybug who?

so at this point i'm like... maybe ml is really just a romantic sitcom with girl power marketing. because surely, paris' heroes would've investigated who hawk moth is already. alya would've been trying to figure out his identity instead of clamoring over ladybug's. maybe ml isn't allowing the characters to do some quality detective work because they bank on the stand-alone episode format, and for anybody to be able to watch the show without having prior knowledge, no matter which episode it's on, and that's why we're stuck with hawk moth for five seasons. and eventually ml got renewed for TWO more seasons, and it would've been embarrassing if the hawk moth storyline continued.

am i happy with it? eh... not really. i would've loved it if ml had a consistent mystery theme and long narratives and so on. maybe it breaks my heart sometimes, and sometimes i can't shut up about it, but honestly, i think adrien drives the changes in the plot and marinette is the entry point in the ml universe. i'm not saying that it's neccessarily good or bad, it's just my analysis of the show format and it's up to viewers to decide if they like it!

as for chloe... yeah, i'm personally really bummed out about her. sadly i'm an adrien kinnie and still have hope that maybe in season 5 she will get what she deserves? surely nobody looks at a pixel character that is just bratty and spoiled because their father is kind of a doormat, but also has a hotbed of insecurities and self-hatred because of their abusive mom, and thinks 'this is a cartoon personification of the trumps'??? surely astruc was joking??? i really like canon chloe, with all of her ugly traits, and i'm gonna be sad if she doesn't get a resolution to her arc that feels true and faithful to her character, even if it isn't a happy ending. maybe it can be something in the middle.

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, Se3, ep 12 (Part 1)

The aftermath of the curse lifting~ Btw, the timeline is super messy. Flashbacks & background stories aren’t this anime’s best tool, it’s always felt messy when they attempt that. more on it in my side notes below. Now into the ep~

-Yuki & Machi: ( Blossoming Love!):

I love that the author attempted different direction of romantic love with yuki/machi that suits yuki’s personality! Opposite to kyo/tohru who had the (from best friends to lovers/ from roommates of 3 years to lovers). Yuki & machi’s love is based on natural crush & while she isnt his best friend, she’ll be his lover & they’ll know each other after dating. Both types of love are realistic & have their own path of dynamics, which is clear with how yuki/machi will be interacting & how kyo/tohru are now interacting since becoming official. I’m still bummed most of yuki/machi’s “noticing each other” is supposed to be off-screen, it robbed me of seeing yuki interact in a normal teenage-boy crushing on a girl which contrasts his relationship with kakeru, kyo, haru & tohru. Now, we’ll start the “ official-boyfriend yuki” stage! Also, this jump to confessions didnt help machi have any uniqueness beside being saved by yuki’s words from her trauma. watching her interact with him normally would’ve added realistic depth to her being a normal girl with unique cute quirks differently from tohru, Isuzu, kagura or even motoko!. Oh well~ moving on & focusing on the meaningful cute confession. I loved that altho there were a hug & a kiss, it didn’t have “ I love you” statement. You know they (will) love each other so dearly, but they’re in stage 1 now, she just called him by his first name for the first time! cute! I love that the emphasis is on the “ first name” calling since this is a huge key to yuki’s identity & struggle. Also, It is cute she bought a gift to tohru! This is a set-up to a healthy relationship with yuki since she isn’t jealous from a precious woman in his life that isnt related by blood.

-Moving towards the future: Kyoru’s final stage of growth!

By Kyokoy’s grave Kyo & tohru had key moment of growth & healthy closure to their core character issues::

1- Kyo’s toxic habit of running from life became a desire to run towards life!: While this habit is rightfully excused by his trauma, it needed to be addressed once his curse broke. We know he stopped running & faced his dad, confessed to tohru, accepted her love, embraced his crazy desire for her & accepted he deserved to be loved! Even ran towards tohru, chasing her! However, all the above is him running to the good current life in his grasp. He needs to run to the far away future this time! Needs to plan for the good & accept that the bad is part of it. struggling is part of life & he’ll endure it together with her, while enjoying life’s rewards.

I love that kyo is the one who suggested moving out to another city/place, cuz kyo was the one NOT living. He was long dead & trapped in the cage of his guilt & self-loath. Tohru at least was living thro helping others ( which is not real living but at least it’s better). Kyo was “ Mom, why didn’t you kill me instead of yourself?” ,“ I’ll kill yuki & then kill myself, would that please you, dad?!”, “ I cant forgive me, I dont want you to forgive me, tohru”. Walking on a road of self-destruction & slow death. But now, with tohru he wants life!!! all of it!! travel, learn, see, struggle, fail, succeed, build their own future by themselves.

I love that kyo didnt take tohru’s approval for his plans for granted. He really didnt think she’ll accept right away. He didnt even want her to dedice quickly, He was prepared for compromising to a better solution for them both. They’ll work other possibilities “ if i’m gonna live in this world, I want to do it with you”.

I love that kyo was real abt the obstacles ahead & didnt want tohru to just follow him based on love. He wanted her to decide on her own as well. He also, left the door open for her to change her mind anytime & this screams support & understanding!! Very powerful!.

2- Thoru’s toxic habit of being ashamed to desire anything for herself, living for others & wearing a happy “i’m okay” mask while concealing her true feelings became confidence, self-clarity & honesty: The tohru who was smiling while concealing grief on the beach is gone, the tohru who kyo had to coax her to “complain, be selfish” se01,ep5, to “not hide worrying over a relative’s sickness” se02, ep14 “ cry if she needs to” se3, ep6, is now telling kyo her honest opinion abt his proposal, while thinking of her own self as much as him & even objecting to his sentiment abt her mom’s words!!!!

I love that tohru is now a confident free woman making her own decisions based on self-honesty & communication with her partner. She wasn't just “okay” with it cuz he wants it while putting fake smile, No more of that. Now, she’ll say her true feelings, she asked him abt his plans, tried to see if it is a spur of the moment decision or if he really thought abt it. She also inquired where’s heading, who he talked to, what he’s planning! She is deciding for herself after hearing him! ok, this is your plan? I like it. I’m going!  Very powerful!.

I love that like how kyo was realistic abt the plan having some difficulties due to starting away by themselves, she was also realistic that it is indeed sad to part with my friends, my hometown, & my mom’s resting-place, but i’ll choose ME now. “I” want to go with you for “me”. This is not a bind I’ll follow you wherever love story, this is realistic depiction of healthy relationship. Acknowledging hardships & accepting them saves you from being crushed by failure, you’ll endure it when it eventually happens & move on, cuz God knows we DO fail & succeed! Life isnt smooth sailing~ 

I love that tohru complemented him on his plan cuz she could see that is a sign of growth. If she’s gonna share her life with this man, it is delightful to see that he is thinking of a happier, healthier & realistic future! Cuz kyo was this destroyed man~ so destroyed he was pushing her away despite loving her dearly, now, he’s asking her opinion & permission to accompany him!

I love that tohru made sure to touch upon kyo’s last scar “ my mom doesnt hate you” This is a scar that wont go away even if kyo is mentally healthy. Cuz death is the ultimate truth. He can never hear kyoko’s affirming her love for him, he’ll have to trust in it based on their earlier interaction together. Tohru is powerfully & stubbornly taking away most of his pain by affirming her acknowledge of her mom. You might disagree kyo, you might still feel a bit guilty, it might haunt you sometimes. but me? NO. Never. Mom loved you. She meant ONLY good. Hopefully my determination heals you bit by bit, & it DOES. Kyo stands bravely, confidently & happily in front of kyoko’s grave & instead of saying “ i apologize for hurting you, or tohru, I’m sorry, forgive me”.  he tells her he’ll keep their promise & protect tohru for life! he literally proposed there in front of her mom & all. T_T

-Kyoko’s Words: ( Sometimes, you don’t get to know the whole truth & that’s okay):

Can’t describe how much I love this part. This is the most painful yet important lesson in furuba. Life isn’t a movie where the entire truth is exposed to the characters or the audience. Sometimes you live & die without getting to know an important truth, hearing a much needed confirmation, or getting a loved one’s forgiveness. There are things in our life that we just can’t get back no matter how much we tried. What we do, then? die? despair? throw away what we DO have in our hands for this lost truth no matter how important it was to us? No, we do the only thing we can. Live. Not just go thro life’s motion, but really live. Accept the good & the bad. This is so goddamn easy & difficult as hell too!

-Kyo not knowing kyoko’s words at that time was tragic. It was so tragic it sent kyo into a suicidal descent into the abyss. The wounds of his mom’s death that were slowly healing with kazuma’s care got re-opened & poured blood! The old destructive habits became full force, The toxic coping habits returned with its ugliness. I can’t kill myself literally? I’ll do it figuratively. trapped, caged, destroyed, eyes shut, ears closed, only seeing his pain. Kyo is us. All of us in any moment of true crushing despair. He could never bring the dead back, hear their loving words or ask forgiveness. Thro kyo, the author is telling us... I know. You had your moment of lost truth, didn’t you? I know. IT IS OKAY. live, my child. your pain is valid, let it take its course, but afterwards live bravely.

-Kyo’s path towards healing is: the ugliest cuz it hurt tohru of all ppl, the longest cuz he was the last one to move on, the bloodiest cuz he’ll never have the ppl he lost, the rockiest cuz he failed & failed, the most frustrating cuz he repeated his mistakes over & over, He couldnt even do it alone. needed intervention & support. He lost hope. completely. But it is okay even if you fell as deep as kyo: stand up. even if you never learned the truth: let go. even if you were the last one to learn or heal: it isn’t a race. Embrace life with its good & bad & continue as kyoko said “ you fought well”

-Kyoko’s parting plea to her daughter broke my heart into pieces. Death is ugly, but death is a truth that we can’t escape. The leaving ones is hurting as much as the ones left behind, but hopefully, the leaving ones will find a happiness a kin to the ones left behind. yuki’s "say a prayer & move one, one step at a time” is all you can do.

-Kyoko was: a gangster who hurt others (ugly path), repented, married & had a daughter (fulfilling path), widowed & left her daughter while grieving (ugly path), came back, repented & tried to raise tohru well, love her enough! (fulfilling path), died & left her young high school daughter all alone (heartbreaking path) but she accepted that the last path isn’t sth she can fight, prayed, & accepted her fate~

-Kyoko~~ “ you fought well”  while you were alive~ you really did! The Tohru you left behind helped a whole clan & hopefully readers as well! you tohru is loved by an entire generation of readers & anime watchers. Tohru is so precious & I can’t stop crying~

Side Notes:

Timeline is super messy & confusing. (a) Tohru’s hospital discharge, kyoru’s hug & curse break for everybody all happened at the (late) afternoon. While curse was breaking, akito was wearing her white kimono & she cried until tohru hugged her on sunset. (b) Before tohru’s hospital shigure’s face was scar-less. we first saw the scar in the afternoon & he was wearing his kimono.

Now the flashback, Akito wearing her outfit from her talk with the maid (which also happened while kyo was talking to his dad which is on the same day) & shigure wearing suit & it’s sunset time??????? How can the sunset happen before the curse break on the afternoon? She inflected the scars on the sunset, how did he have them on the afternoon of the same day?? both changed outfits which is even weirder??? Someone help me put things on order. Or is order not important? If the sequence of events isn’t important, then, why did it have to happen on the curse break day??? Shigure could’ve had his scars a day or two before tohru’s discharge.

Also the OP started in the middle of yuki’s scene which was so odd!

No big deal, but I still feel that yuki’s curse break would’ve been thematically powerful last ep. Especially after seeing The Zodiac Ruler come & collect the spirits. The legend would've been wrapped powerfully on the same ep where it was told. We see the zodiacs’ original story & we see its closure. It would’ve made tohru/akito’s hug more symbolic. An end of an era to akito & to them all. Real Goodbye to the zodiac animals, but now we had a goodbye & a half. lol.

Is yuki the only one seeing the cursed spirit? He looked down at it? I dont remember the others looking down where an animal would be? Is yuki’s curse special? different? He got all the ropes/bonds around him? I really thought yuki’s theme is all abt desiring to be normal & despising the “special” treatment that haunted him even in school. 

Momiji/ kagura /kyo interaction is cute!

Haru/Yuki/ Isuzu interaction is cute as well. XD

Kagura, girl, you used to have best fashion, what’s up with jeans under knee length dress?! lol.

I’ll be honest. It is a lost opportunity that machi weren't made to question how teen-tohru is yuki’s mom. That would’ve solidified her as a unique stand alone character if she were to discuss it with yuki. Tohru being yuki’s mom figure is not normal, otherwise yuki’s entire dilemma of figuring out his feelings for tohru would’ve become meaningless. Having machi quickly “understand” it is a bit weird. But it helps the plot move quickly, I guess. ( it reminds me of Arisa hugging akito when she confessed stabbing kureno without questioning anything, it is weird, but you get the message that “ we aint got time for that~ gotta hop on the next plot).

I love that furuba subverted the old anime-trope of the entire happy cast staying together in one city/place & living exactly like they did in their teens except being married now! XD. It is so realistic that each character is now moving on their path of life~

Tohru wore a ring in her foreshadowing vision! SHE WORE A RING! My baby girl is a grown woman now~ T_T. I love tohru so much!~

Shigure/ akito & the last banquet is in my review part 2. I’ve been editing out any thoughts abt Shigure from my previous posts. I needed to see the whole picture first. I think can now talk abt them, I’m looking forward to the comments of the next part cuz I really really need to see if I understood it or if i’m off.

[critical-wizard]

Hey guys! I wanna talk abt my best friends right now, because I’m feeling super sappy. I’d be really happy if you went and followed all of these absolutely wonderful people.

@lierres-art and me, I will admit, have had some rough patches. After all of that, she still wanted to be my friend, and accepted me even though I was kind of a dick. They’ve been here for me, no matter what, and I really appreciate it. They’re one of my best friends, and that’s never going to change.

@lunarglobe i do admit, while our friendship was a bit forced by an unnamed third party, we made it work. We’ve been friends since 5th grade and he really has gotten me through a lot. I’ve told him some of my darkest secrets, and even through all that, he accepted me and supported me.

@creativeboi87 I will say, we’ve only been friends for a few months, but I remember the day we first met. I was super bummed out and that first message, and all the messages after that, make me smile. Aiden is the sweetest, most caring and gentle people I know, and he deserves the world for that.

@jellys-stuffs After all the SHIT I put them through, after every bad thing, they’re still here today. After everything, they’re still here joking with and insulting me. They’re sweet, talented, creative, and they’re super fucking cool too. ALSO SKSHEOEDHID WELCOME TO HELL HYPERFIXATION GO BRRRRR

@wilbyowo THIS IS MY CRYPTID SIBLING. They’ve always been there for me, and I think I’ve known it for almost a year. He’s always there with cute pics and advice when I need to talk! Rot is super goofy and is always there to share headcanons and simp with me. They’re a perfect older sibling, and I love rot to death /p

@maudenfreude i don’t know why she decided to even keep talking to me honestly. I went from utter fanboy to friend in almost an instant. I’ve always admired her, incredibly talented, kind, smart. We’ve helped eachother out quite a few times, and she’s, to this day, one of the coolest creators I know.

@anxiety-problem has been one of my moots for quite a while. We talk often, and they’re one of my most treasured moots! We joke around a lot, and every message I get from them makes me happy! Though I might not express it too much, she’s one of my besties!

@x-monochrome-x honestly I don’t remember how we met…but he’s also one of the people who’s really inspired me! he’s super creative and talented and I love seeing his art pop up on my dashboard! I don’t know why he puts up with my constant and sort of odd pestering, but he is one of my besties 😌

@mang0-l0ver is one of my newer moots, but I love them a lot (/p)! They’re super funny and cute (/p) and I really value them! They’re very sweet and very welcoming! They make me very very happy, and I would literally fight God for them.

@cotton-candy-haired-goddess i finally got the courage to message her about a month and a half or so ago! She’s an absolutely lovely person with mountains of talent that no mortal can compare too. She’s very sweet and open, and I absolutely adore her! /p

[minecraftsz]

i’m a simple man i see technoblade and i pog. but after scrolling through most of the takes on the dash i wanna share my thoughts :) kinda long lol

i really liked it! it was a pretty fun stream! i think it dragged and got a bit repetitive during the whole “we’re going to stop you! oh - oh...” thing at the end tho because like the main gist of that was just. the egg is more powerful than any of these guys, which probably could have been established faster? like the two with the most impact were hannah switching sides + telling the eggpire abt the armor and foolish trying and failing to smite the egg, because that led to him taking eret’s place. it was ridiculous though, which was fun enough to make it pretty much a non-issue.

i think q coming in was cool, and i see a lot of people being bummed abt skeppy not being mentioned at all. which i kinda agree with. but i think this was really impactful (as long as you know bbh) just because through quackity’s repetition that the egg CLEARLY isn’t giving him anything it’s made obvious to the audience that EVERYONE knows this - like, bad would know if he wasn’t gaining anything (he’s not stupid!), so there must be some motivation the other characters aren’t aware of. which we know! it’s skeppy! it’s so obviously skeppy! bad is with the egg because of skeppy, which makes it frustrating - for us and for him - for quackity and everyone else to just not see that, and to not even try to see that. it reinforces this conflict between them and garners sympathy for bad, and i think it creates this really interesting character dynamic precisely because it seems like q really does care about bad! (like, if you care about him so much, why aren’t you trying to see his side?)

however. we’ve seen an interaction like this two or three times now - it doesn’t develop much, it just reinforces what was already there. it would have been really cool if bad spoke up and told quackity why he was still with the egg (and for q to actually listen), or if skeppy appeared - or honestly if anything changed? but most of these characters came into the banquet with the same amount of knowledge they had leaving it. it’s still us v them, with little sympathy from either side.

as for techno. i cant speak bad of him so sorry if this is biased. but i thought him allying with q did one really important thing: it showed just how much of a threat the egg was. for techno to get involved with the guy that used state violence to execute him? it shows how dangerous people think it is! and that probably puts a little too much focus on techno Within the egg arc - like, if THIS guy cares enough, well then it’s ACTUALLY a threat! - and tbh idk if im a huge fan of that. i am like a designated technoblade stan though so i wont lie and say that i didn’t get really excited when he showed up, and honestly i do hope he gets more involved just from a syndicate perspective? like, the egg is a massive, oppressive threat, and it would be weird if the Anarchist Book Club didn’t do anything about it. i wish hed have brought weapons for niki. theyre allies :( i just hope that if techno does get involved it’s a little more balanced, which might be difficult considering how different their rp styles are (campy vs nonchalant).

(omg tho. bad after the banquet reconsidering everything was such a good moment)

ok overall i am sad the eggpire lost! i wish they had a big win now that would necessitate someone else coming in like q and techno did later. maybe if they killed some more people. maybe if the smp members shed a little more skin. you know. i was hoping for this to be the coin drop dream was talking abt a little while ago but i guess not T_T it was a fun stream! but i wish more happened

[soemthingsparkly]

i have a very sad and dark thought for you that came to me in my dream - imagine the boys and julie talking abt how horrible the 2020 pandemic was and all and one day and then they're like 'wow man that was the worst year ever' and reggie wanting to break the tension goes 'i know right, like i almost killed myself in 94' and it wasn't as bad as this shit year' and everyone just freezes in their tracks and LOOKS at him but he doesn't seem to notice what he said until the silence stretches

Oof. 

You really coming in here with the dark stuff, huh?

I was like, do I write this or do I just react to this? But of course, I can’t pass up an opportunity for pain like this.

--

TW: suicide mention.

This fic contains a conversation about a failed suicide plan - one involving chemicals. Please don’t read it if you think there’s any chance you might be triggered by it.

And if you’re feeling this way, please don’t feel damaged or alone. There are people out there who want to help. There are people out there who want to listen to you. I’ve been there and I know those thoughts can be all consuming, but trust me, there’s a better path for you, just around the corner. <3

--

This is Why I Never Told You

1.3k words.

It’s New Years Eve and Julie is spending the night with the boy’s in the studio.

She’d originally planned to spend the evening with Flynn - they were going to bake cookies and watch Disney Channel Original's like always - but then her older sister tested positive for COVID and now the family were isolating for the next two weeks.

When Flynn had told her two days ago, Julie’s first reaction had been panic. “Is she okay?”

“She’s fine,” Flynn said. “She isn’t even showing symptoms or anything. Some dumb guy came to work after testing positive and spread it to the rest of them, so now we’re all under lock and key. Dad is panic roasting an entire chicken and mom’s on the phone to Macy, asking her to get toilet paper for us.” Flynn scoffs. “Honestly, what the fuck kind of year has this been, anyway?”

Awful.

That’s what this year has been. 

“Jules, you want me to put these up over here?” Luke asks, standing on a stool and attaching gold and red bunting to the wall.

Julie blinks. “Uh, yeah. Anywhere’s fine.”

There’s a soft puff of air behind her and she turns to see Reggie, who’s just poofed in and wearing a pair of 2020 novelty glasses. “Guys, look what I found at the back of Ray’s wardrobe.” He’s grins and points to his face. “Look, I’ve got 20/20 vision!”

Julie snorts softly. “You’re about a year late with that one, hun.”

Reggie purses his lips. “Boo,” he says. “I’m funny.”

“Funny in the head, more like,” Alex says, rising from his crouching position in front of the TV, where he’d been setting up Carlos’ Xbox. Carlos and Ray were over at Victoria’s, so Carlos had kindly allowed them to borrow his Xbox in order to play Disney Plus out here. 

Of course, Julie had been invited to Tìa’s too, but she’d declined the offer.

“I think I’d rather just be here on my own,” she’d said. “I know Flynn isn’t coming anymore, but I had my heart set on watching Jump In again. Nothing like a bit of double dutch to say goodbye to this year, right?”

He’d kissed her head and told her to give him a call if she changed her mind. He would be right back to pick her up.

“You okay, Julie?” Luke asks, picking his way across the garage to stand in front of her. “You’re looking really bummed out.”

Reggie took off his glasses and Alex buried his hands in his pockets.

“Yeah, I just...” she dips her eyes. “Was looking forward to spending the evening with Flynn. We’ve spent every New Year together since we were ten.”

Luke’s mouth twitches. “I’m sorry.”

Julie shakes her head, she crosses the room to put down the bowl of popcorn she’d been holding. “It’s okay. It’s necessary. It just...” she slumps into the sofa. “I thought this would be the one thing that wouldn’t change this year. We could just disappear into our own little celebration and pretend this year hasn't been a total write off.”

Luke, Reggie, and Alex all take a moment to look at each other, before they converge around Julie. Reggie falls into the sofa next to her, while Alex perches on the arm of the chair. 

Luke sits directly across from her and puts his hand face-up, on her knee. He curls his fingers and Julie complies, sliding her hand into his. He closes his hand around hers and strokes the back of palm with his hand. 

“We’re really sorry you can’t spend your evening with your best friend,” he says. “But we want to make it good for you.”

“Yeah, Julie, it’s what you deserve after this year,” Alex adds.

“I don’t know about these guys, but you’re the best thing to happen that’s ever happened to me, Jules,” Reggie says, bumping her shoulder with his own.

Luke and Alex smirk, before nodding. “Totally,” Luke says, his eyes flashing with mirth. He squeezes her hand and she can’t help but smile.

“It has been a year, though,” Alex says, rubbing his palms against his jeans. “Like what are the chances we die and come back to a global pandemic?”

“You sure picked a bad time,” Julie says with a chuckle.

“Right?” Reggie grins. “It had to be the one year where the entire world had to shut down. I mean, this year is even worse that that time in ‘94 and that was so bad I tried to kill myself.”

The guys laugh, until his words settle.

Luke’s eyes widen. “What did you just say?”

Reggie blinks, his brows touching his hairline. “’94 was bad?”

“Did you –” Alex begins, but has to restart. “Reggie, did you say you tried to... kill yourself?”

His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows and Reggie lifts his eyes to the ceiling. “Did I say that?”

“Reggie?” Julie asks softly.

“Dude, what the hell?” Luke demands, turning his fury on the bassist. “Are you serious?”

With the weight of all three stares on him, Reggie huffs and throws himself back against the sofa cushions. He folds his arms. “This is why I never told you guys.”

“What, because we’re concerned that our best friend tried to end his life and didn’t think that was worth telling us?” Alex asks, eyes narrowed.

Reggie softens and rubs his eyes. “It was just a bad time, okay?”

Luke’s face creases and his voice cracks when he asks, “If it was that bad, why wouldn’t you just tell us?”

Julie reaches across and puts a hand on Reggie’s knee. Reggie draws his hands away from his eyes to watch her thumb move across the dark denim.

“It just didn’t feel important. I didn’t want to bother you guys.”

Alex stands. “Did want to bother us? Reggie, you’re our best friend, why would you think that–” He cuts himself off and threads his hands through his hair. He kicks the leg of the chair. “Fuck’s sake.”

“Alex,” Luke says, raising a hand and opening it to him. After a brief frustrated hesitation, Alex takes it and tries to calm himself down.

Reggie exhales. “It was just... things were so bad, okay?” he says. “Everything was so loud, my parents were fighting at home, Alex and Bobby weren’t talking to each other, and I was failing everything at school. I just felt like... I thought maybe things would be better if I just... took myself out of the picture.”

“Did you?”

Reggie shakes his head. “I remembered Mr Danbury talking about toxic chemical combos in Chemistry, so I stole the key from his desk and stayed after school one day. But, I didn’t even get in the room before I freaked out.”

Luke drags a hand down his face. “Thank god,” he mutters.

Reggie shrugs, fiddling with the zip of his plaid zip-up. “I chickened out.”

Julie, who had been silent during this entire interaction, suddenly folded against him, her arms snaking around his stomach and back. His arms automatically wrap around her shoulders. “I’m glad you didn’t do it, Reg,” she says, closing her eyes and pressing her cheek against his chest. She squeezes him. “So glad.”

Alex sniffs and lets out an uncertain chuckle. “Yeah, imagine if you’d gone through with it. Then you wouldn’t’ve had the chance to die via bad street dogs like the rest of us.”

Luke’s face splits into a grin and he tears his hand away from Alex’s to swat him in the stomach. Alex smiles and catches him.

Julie holds out an arm and beckons for them to join her and Reggie in their hug. Luke tugs Alex and they both fall on top of the pair.

“You guys,” Reggie says. “Are the best thing to ever happen to me.”

“We love you, Reginald. Don’t forget that,” Alex says.

Reggie, his face crushed against Luke’s arm, his leg growing dead under Alex’s weight, smiles. “I love you, too.”

--

Anyway, I love Jump In. 

--