#a big part of it is me still being into the thing that basically permanently changed my brain chemistry forever. for the negative part btw

[arsen1cs4ng0]

i feel like a really shitty person a lot of the time and i hate it

[salemlunaa]

THE ACT OF SHIFTING CONSCIOUSNESS IS OWED TO YOU ❃

No matter what your aims are, shifting is for you and will always be easy.....

There are many things people can do with the void state/the state pure consciousness, and no matter what you are doing you need to know that shifting is owed to you. And in my asks and dms it’s made clear that a lot of you don’t know the different forms that shifting can come in

So before i get into it, Let’s get acquainted with the different ways you can utilise the void in terms of shifting!!…

Standard shifting

A person who will shift with the intention of coming back to where they are now aka their base or current reality. Being this person, you may have multiple drs you want to go to and will have “safe words” which can bring you back to your cr when you want

example: having a winx dr, having a kpop dr and a nepo baby dr at the same time, frequenting between each one, or which ever one is their “main” dr

Permashifting

A person who has one reality that they want to shift to, forever, perma-shifting= permanent shift, you can still have ties to your old reality and have memories from it but ultimately you can’t go back unless you tried to by shifting again, which wouldn’t be that much of a hassle because you still have some recollection of your old reality

example: Leaving your old reality while still having some recollection of the life you live before. You live this life recognising that you have shifted to get here and you are still somewhat tied to your old reality

Respawning

Being this person, you will have one reality that you live in forever. It’s kinda in the name, you reset, as soon as you shift consciousness to you desired life, it was always your life, you will cut ties with whoever you were before and live this way forever. A lot of people script a time stamp in which they forget everything, you will have pre prepared memories from birth up until the day the present day. You are expecting to live the rest of your life in this reality.

a smart example from a dm from one of my consenting mutuals: “I’ll shift there and it will be 02:00 I’ll be all excited about the fact that I shifted, have time to give my success story and bawl my eyes out from sheer happiness, and around 4 hours in (about 06:00 ) I will forget everything and fully cut ties with who I used to be and the life I used to live”

I want you to resonate with one and apply your knowledge where you need to because shifting consciousness is owed to you. Whether you’re doing it for a small while, going to multiple realities or one big shift of your consciousness cutting ties with where you were before. It doesn’t matter, it is owed to you and it is easier than breathing.

If you have a conscious mind, which yes you do or you wouldn’t be reading this, then you have a subconscious mind, and that means that shifting consciousness is a basic ability for you.

There is no such thing as something too big, one form of shifting isn’t “easier” or “harder” than another so whatever you wanna do, don’t be scared, you’ve got this!! There is a reason you’re here. Your subconscious mind knew you didn’t deserve all that you went through and all that you are going through and it led you here. Because of the horrible way humans have been conditioned, we live in a world where people mock shifting which is ironic , as it is a basic ability just like walking and talking, except it uses the mind and not the physical body. I want you to think of your desired reality/realities, whether you are thinking of 12 or 4 or 1, you need to understand that your desired life already exists, you already have it. It’s not a dream, you’re god, you give life to all that you touch with your mind.

I don’t think you really understand so I will say this again:

what you see: script + void/“I AM” state ➯ my dream life is finally real, me and my physical body are finally in my dream reality

you see yourself and some small part of some bigger process, when in fact, you are everything and everything is instant

what actually happens: i’ve created my dream life in my head ➯ as god i give life to everything my i touch with my mind, there for it is real

it’s an immediate chain of events, not a process. stop relying on the I AM state to give you something you already have, the void state helps you shift consciousness to a reality that is already there, and nothing more than that , it doesn’t create, you have already created. you have the power, the void is just a state of pure consciousness that helps you shift your awareness to which ever reality you wish to go to.

side note: As a respawner, all are welcome here, especially my fellow respawners and my permashifters (it’s nice to see both communities grow as i never used to see posts for permashifting or respawning)

no matter what you intend to do with the information you have learned on this app, your desired reality is yours, it was owed to you the second you thought of it

so stop doing nothing about the information you have, you don’t have to struggle in life, throw the teachings of society out the door and realise you can have all that you want, whether that be 1 dream life or 20!! LOCK IN MY LOVES

GET EXCITED ABOUT YOUR NEW LIFE/LIVES, ITS OWED TO YOU!! 🎆💋

[ghoulfuckersincorporated]

Prewar!Cooper Howard has a breeding kink because he loves being a dad. He and Barb married and started trying for kids later in life than most folks around them, so much of the sex they had, especially early on, was focused on getting Barb pregnant. If he'd had his way, they would have had a whole litter of children, but hey, sometimes life doesn't work out the way you want. Still, there's the fun of trying, and there was a lot of trying. After the divorce, he's shocked when he meets someone else, and even more shocked when he feels those same urges with you. He's been trained to try and knock one in basically every time, he jokes.

At least, that's what he tells himself.

He's also incredibly possessive, and it drives him wild to think about getting to see you all swollen and filled out with his child. Particularly with you being younger that him; the ugly part of his brain is barking at him to stake a more permanent claim on you every time a guy your age so much as looks your way. Personally, he thinks he's too old to have more kids, but between his secret urges, your forgetfulness when it comes to your pill, and your twin high sex drives, well...sometimes accidents happen.

He'd be over the moon, once he knew you were happy as well (he would also worry about the news potentially being hurtful to Barb, but that'd be an issue for tomorrow). Showing you off in public, knowing that other people see how gorgeous you are and know you fully belong to him, it really gets him going, and you certainly take notice of how amorous he is when you're out together (combined with how vigorously he fucks you when you get home). Thinks you're insanely sexy pregnant and likes to watch you ride him with a big belly. You'd both better be a lot more careful about your contraception after the first baby if you don't want another, because getting to see you that way only makes his kink worse.

The Ghoul has a breeding kink because he's incredibly possessive. It's been literal centuries since he's come across anything in this world that he cares for enough to want to claim it, and you're officially claimed. He wants everyone, including you, to know that you belong to him and only him. Other ghouls can smell him on you much more strongly if he cums inside you, and he enjoys the way filling you full scratches his most primal itch. It's just an added benefit that he's almost positive he can't actually get you pregnant, but...there are records of ghouls reproducing with other ghouls. Haven't stranger things happened?

The little thrill he gets at the idea is just nature trying to take over.

At least, that's what he tells himself.

You'd be hard-up to get him to admit it, but he wants you to need him. He wants an excuse to baby you and pamper you and force you to let him do things for you without the vulnerability of admitting that he wants to do those things for you anyway because he's deeply in love with you.

You complain that your feet hurt during your journey for the day? He'll carry you everywhere you want to go from now until the end of time, if that's what you want. Stomach and appetite troubles? Name whatever you want, he'll find it for you, no matter how many caps he has to pay. Tired? "Of course you're tired, sweetheart. Let's stop for today. Here, sit down. Do you need some water? Eat this, you need some calories. Let me rub your legs and feet for you." It is endless and sort of surreal for you to adjust to.

Speaking of journeys, I think he also secretly wants to settle down a bit. He does already after he meets and falls for you, seeing how much the constant trekking back and forth across the irradiated desert takes out of you, and he definitely would want to do so expeditiously if you were pregnant. It's not like secure places don't exist in this world. He can keep you, and anyone else who may come along, safe just fine.

He'd be afraid to fuck you if you were pregnant, worried that he'll hurt you or make you sick or make something bad happen with the pregnancy. But if you reassure him, maybe beg a little, he'll do his best to make sure your urges are satisfied. Sit on his face and let him slide his tongue through your insanely sensitive folds, lie back and let him fuck you with those agile fingers while he jerks himself off. You'll miss being properly penetrated, badly, but you won't go without.

He wants an excuse to be even more protective of you than usual. Give him a reason to literally pluck men's eyes out for daring to so much as look at you, a reason to never let you out of his sight ever again. If you thought he was ready to commit violence to keep you safe before, you haven't seen anything yet.

I can't imagine it would be easy to have a big family in the Wasteland, but reminding him how much he loves being a dad would certainly have the thought on his mind.

[lycandrophile]

it's silly but the biggest reason why im not into t yet is bc im so afraid of losing my hair. do you have any solutions/tips for it?

first of all, i don’t think it’s silly — it’s natural to be worried when hair loss is talked about by so many people as like…one of the worst results of aging for men. listening to my dad talk about how much he hates balding definitely did not make me feel particularly good about the knowledge that i may very well be joining him someday. i’m not saying the fear is right, because i don’t think hair loss is something awful that we should avoid at all costs, but it’s an understandable fear given the beauty standards we’re working with, and it’s one that a lot of us (myself included) feel.

one thing that’s helped me is just…paying more attention to the guys that i interact with on a daily basis. i’ve learned two things from it: 1) hair loss is super fucking common. i’d say it’s much harder to find an adult man who isn’t balding at all than it is to find one who’s completely bald. and 2) if you forget everything you’ve been told about how bad hair loss is, you’ll realize that quite frankly, every single one of those guys looks totally fucking fine. it doesn’t ruin their appearance and make them ugly, it looks totally natural and isn’t really even something you’d notice if you weren’t looking for it. we put so much weight on it but it’s really just not that big of a deal. i’ll hear my parents talk shit about men in my family who are losing their hair when i didn’t even notice a difference last time i saw them. it’s one of those things (like so many other appearance-related things) that you really only notice at all because you’ve been taught that you’re supposed to care about it.

this isn’t something i’ve done personally, but if you really want to desensitize yourself to the idea of it, embrace the time-honored queer tradition of just shaving your whole damn head! find out what you’d look like without hair, find out how you feel about it and what you can do that makes you feel good about your appearance without hair, test the waters while it’s still a temporary change and not something permanent. that way, it won’t feel like this big scary unknown, and you’ll actually have a frame of reference for your feelings about how you look without hair rather than accepting the societal assumption that you’ll inevitably hate it. if you don’t want to actually shave your head, you could also just fuck around with bald filters or photoshop and see what happens.

oh, and if you’re attracted to men, keep an eye out for guys who are bald or balding and also hot as fuck. in my experience, there’s no insecurity or potential future insecurity that being gay for other men hasn’t helped me with. just off the top of my head, i can think of a couple actors who i think are absolutely fucking gorgeous who have helped me get over my fears about losing my hair. despite what our anti-aging-obsessed world might want you to think, there is no such thing as a physical feature that automatically makes someone less attractive, and while making attractiveness less of a priority in your life is good, it can’t hurt to also give yourself some proof that actually, you might lose your hair and look hot as hell doing it.

basically, entertain the possibility that it won’t be a bad thing at all! whether that’s just because it turns out to be a neutral thing for you or because you end up actually liking it, it’s not an inherently bad thing. i’ve ended up liking a lot of things that were “supposed to” be bad effects of t — i love the weight i’ve gained and the new shape it gives my body, i get a lot of gender euphoria from the fact that my acne is now on parts of my face that i saw a lot of guys in high school get it and i’m not complaining about the scars i get from it either because i’ve always liked the added texture that acne scars give my skin, and so on. i think there’s a lot of joy to be had in the changes we’re taught to fear, once we look past that conditioning and actually explore how we feel about it.

but if it’s something you really don’t want and you just want to improve your chances of not having to deal with it, it’s not like there’s nothing you can do! products like finasteride (oral) and minoxidil (usually topical but i think there might also be oral versions) are pretty commonly used among trans guys, for the purpose of avoiding hair loss and for other reasons, and there are plenty of other anti-hair loss products out there (though i don’t know how effective any one of them might be). if it’s a big enough deal for you, you can just decide that you’ll go off of t if/when you start noticing signs of it, since no longer having higher t levels would stop the process in its tracks. and if you don’t find prevention options that work for you so it ends up happening, you can always explore different hair styles (judging by the pattern of hair loss i see in my family, i suspect that keeping my hair long would make it less obvious if i started losing mine), find your preferred method of covering it when you don’t feel good about it (personally i love a good beanie generally and would probably wear them a lot more if i didn’t have hair to worry about because my main complaint is the way they press my hair onto my neck), or just shave it all off if you don’t like the look of the partial balding but don’t mind a shaved head. the point being — you have options!

at the end of the day, whether you go on t or not, you’re going to see your body change as you age in ways that aren’t always going to be attractive to others or aesthetically pleasing to you. that’s just the reality of having a body. even if you never went on t, you’d get older and you might see your hair thin out even if you don’t bald, you’ll see your skin start to wrinkle and sag in places that used to be smooth, your metabolism might slow or your body fat might start to gather in new places; hell, you might lose your hair for a totally different reason and end up in the same place but without the benefits of having been on t that whole time. life is full of bodily changes like that. transphobes will fearmonger about the permanent changes of testosterone all day long but the truth is, there is no escaping permanent bodily changes. whether or not you go on t, your body now isn’t the same as it will be in 1 or 5 or 10 or 20 or 50 years, just like it isn’t the same as it was at any point in your life before now. our bodies are never supposed to stop growing and aging and changing throughout our lives. there’s no guaranteeing that we’ll love every single change our bodies go through, but that’s okay! there are so many things in life that are more important than the way our bodies look. even if you go on t and lose your hair and don’t like how it looks, your life won’t be ruined; plenty of other things will bring you joy and more than make up for the insecurities.

just think about the gender euphoria and relief from dysphoria that t could give you. would losing your hair be bad enough to outweigh all of that? or is it just the pressure of a society that decided balding is bad that’s making you fear one single change despite how much joy you could have if you let that fear go? only you can decide if going on t is worth the potential downsides for you, but i suspect that for most of us, the benefits of going on t far outweigh the possibility of side effects like hair loss happening down the line.

[vidavalor]

The Movie

The most important thing is that he's gone.

If you're feeling sad that it's not the full season and would like some reassurance about the rest of the story being movie-length, though?

Based on where the story is now? They can absolutely do this in 90 minutes. Would it have been more fun if it was the whole season? Of course. But they can do this in 90 minutes-- and do it well. I think there's actually less to go in the plot in the present than we might realize. How so?

I'm pretty sure the next part of the story has never really been plotted to be Supreme Archangel Aziraphale. The end game seems to me to be a bit more they all have to overthrow Heaven to save Aziraphale and that's how they save the world. Meaning, that was Satan with the coffee in The Final 15 and Aziraphale's fall is the plot. The kickoff here in the movie would be the same as it would have been if we had a full S3: the audience gets the hinted at 2.06 twist revealed in full right near the start when they see Aziraphale get to Heaven and be thrown to Hell by The Metatron. The other characters then quickly learn what's happened to Aziraphale. They band together to challenge Heaven--that's the whole Powell & Pressburger's 'A Matter of Life and Death' trial & how it fits into things.

Aziraphale won't accept a verdict that's just for him and not Crowley as well and the process of all of this winds up exposing and overthrowing The Metatron and Hell, freeing the demons. (Gabriel gets his suit back and is their lawyer, you just know it lol.) By coming together to save Aziraphale, the characters fix Heaven/Hell, which then saves Earth and permanently stops the threat of Armageddon. The remainder of the time is wrap up where Crowley & Aziraphale work through what's happened and then head to the South Downs.

All of that stuff in the present that I just said can actually be done inside of an hour, tops. Especially because no one has to set up the characters and story like they would if this were a stand-alone film. They can just dive straight in. That still leaves at least a half-hour--if not a bit more, depending-- for flashing us back to whatever we need to see that supports what's happening in the present (The Vavoom, 1941, probably Jane Austen, likely one or two other things we don't know we need to see yet). More than likely? This is a series of scenes like the S1 cold open more than it is a longer, single-era, flashback minisode. I don't think anyone would complain about another cold open-like sequence? 😊

The movie can work. For perspective? Look at the chart below.

We are at the Big Twist that is The Act II Climax & it's really almost fully done already. All that's left in that Big Twist is to just overtly tell it to the audience because The Final 15 already did all hinting the set up work for it.

As you can see, we're really just moments away from everyone regrouping for the big, final push of the story-- the Act III Climax/overthrowing Heaven-- before we're into the South Downs Cottage ending. This is one of the reasons why I think that S1 showed us Monday-Sunday of The Last Week of the World: Round One with Armageddon being stopped on Saturday but S2 revealed we were watching The Last Week of the World: Round Two... but then stopped the season early on Friday morning. S3, imho, has always been going to pick up within hours of where the 2.06 cliffhanger ended and show us the mirrored Saturday & Sunday of this week that we still have out there.

They won't need to set up at the start of the film where characters are years later because the S2 story we were watching was always written for S3 to pick up basically right where the S2 cliffhanger leaves off. S3 was always going to continue directly the story of S2 rather than come at the story from a place of a dead stop of years having gone by. I think the best way to look at the movie might be as if it is really the S2 finale. Think of it as if S2 actually has 8 episodes but we've only seen 6 of them so far and we're still awaiting the last two.

Each season of the show, in and of itself, follows that above Three Act Structure, even if the overall series of Good Omens is also following it for its overall story as well. Think back on the last two episodes of S1, which would then be similar in some structural elements and in pacing to this movie.

The Act III Climax in S1 is Armageddon being stopped in Tadfield. That will be overthrowing Heaven in the movie. The Obstacle that followed in S1 as a result of stopping Armageddon and which led into the wrap-up conclusion was Heaven & Hell coming after Crowley & Aziraphale/the body swap plot. When Crowley and Aziraphale solved those obstacles-- in short time, as this is part of the wrap-up-- we then left them dining at The Ritz on Sunday afternoon. These episodes were a very clear-cut example of what an Act III in Three Act Structure within a season looks like and it is likely-- structurally-- going to be very similar to what the model for the finale movie will be. The pacing will be a lot alike, just with some flashbacks in the mix.

Think about how little time it actually took to stop Armageddon once everyone was in Tadfield-- and that most of the finale was just getting characters who had already been set up earlier in the story to Tadfield for that to happen. That's about how much time it's going to take them to overthrow Heaven in the movie. We've actually already watched most of the set up in the story to get to that place in S2. Then, think about how the Obstacles part in S1 was the body swap plot... but how that same type of obstacle wouldn't exist in the S3 movie. Why?

Because this movie is going to stop Armageddon permanently by overthrowing Heaven & Hell. Unlike in S1, when Crowley and Aziraphale were still being targeted, they're going to be truly free for the first time ever by this same point in the S3 movie. So, what are the Obstacles then? Their own stuff. This is where we would get the scenes of two of them having the chance to fully talk through The Final 15 of S2 and, in the process, understand where everything went wrong and have the South Downs Cottage then be the happy ending.

There's plenty of space for this in the story because this is where it's all leading and the part about overthrowing Heaven and Hell-- that Act III Climax that sets up this ending? Going into the movie after where S2 left off, we're actually only a heartbeat away from it already.

This is all very do-able within 90 minutes, with plenty of room for things like The Vavoom and 1941. It might not be the full season that we hoped for but the story is in a way better place to wrap this up with a movie than most shows in this position would be.

[oobbbear]

This rant has 1 target audience and it’s me sorry I like to talk about my unfinished/abandoned stories like they’re successful tv shows and I’m the director getting interviewed about the little details of said show

I love afterland postal so so so much you don’t know how hard it was for me to cut it, but it got to the point that it’s effecting my mental health so I had to stop it. His story in the afterlife is a healing journey, so for that healing journey to be effective I have to make the downfall in his past life hurt, like, HURT hurt, and I went a bit too far that and focused on it a bit too much that I was not working on the healing part anymore. Everyday I regret the making of water angel cause it ended being my fav instead of the protagonists and it being the physical manifestation of death made me focus on the downfall of the story too much, until it literally just crumbled to the ground. If I pick back up Dolus’s story one day I will cut out water angel entirely and maybe most part of his past life, focusing mainly on the afterlife part and how he recovers/deal with his past traumas and rid of bad habits. I want to draw this gremlin again so so bad.

Afterland Postal is a story about learning to love life through death. I like to draw Dolus with CT moon and Callisto sitting together because all three of their stories are about “learning to love life again through the death”. In Dolus’s case is his literal death. For CT moon is him fantasizing death. And for Callisto is through the death of her old life.

After the “death” all three of learned to love themselves again by traveling. They see the world in different perspectives, goes out of their bubbles and get a taste of the wild possibilities of what life has to offer.

For Dolus, I specifically placed him in this post office that delivers mails to the living plane so he can run around experiencing the world but doesn’t have to deal with life? One of his big thing is that he enjoys simply existing, he likes observing the world, feel his surroundings, I had an entire chapter that’s describing how he sees the world through his 5 senses. The feelings are the only thing he enjoyed about life, now he’s a ghost life doesn’t have effect on him anymore, he can really slow down sit down and look at the world he didn’t have the time to look at before, see what he missed and what he may have never be able to see.

For CT moon is basically all described in that If my world goes Bang comic.

Callisto is a different case cause she doesn’t die, strongest fucking character in my stories she survived and very passionate about living. In the original plan after her finding Hester and having Hester’s soul freed, she’s gonna go and travel the world. She has been living in this little house in the middle of nowhere for good half of her life, having her burned down her past and moving on to a new one is good for her. I had a lot a lot of sketches that is just her traveling, I used this as a chance to expand on this weird magical world she lives in, so many cool places and concept. (Also she started dating people again wohoo) I really wish I didn’t burn myself out after that animatic this story would have been so fun to work on.

SPEAKING OF TRAVELING AS A HEALING MECHANISM☝️I m gonna go on a mad Orange Knife spoiler rant since I don’t think there’s a single soul still reading this thing. In Moondust & Natto plot, Moondust really really wanted to see the world with Natto, she loved the world she loved life, in her eyes the outside world is a struggle but one she would fight for because the sunset is beautiful and the grass is soft and for that the hardship is worth it, she loved the world so so much and she wanted to have Natto experience it too. Freedom was a large part of her soul and being add to OK’s collection permanently took that away. She never got to see it again not even the part of her that got added to worm made it out, her soul is killed long ago and body died with the fire that led to Worm and the remaining crew’s freedom, which honestly I think she would be happy knowing that her death freed Natto in the end. She would be mad knowing the person who killed her is freed too but she would understand if she knows Worm’s situation better. After Natto is free I’d like to think he carries a piece of Moondust with him so in his heart he completed their dream, and they can finally experience the world together.

It’s 2am and nothing is making sense sent post to tumblr.com go

[mountainsandmayhem]

Right Person, Wrong Time

Joel Miler x Female Reader

AN: This is for @undercoverpena 's April Showers Challenge. And for once, I did not write smut. I know, who am I? This is not beta'd or really proof read. I'm basically having imposter syndrome over the whole thing soooo...Love you, say it back, bye!

You know that famous saying, “Right Person, Wrong Time”? Well, that was Joel Miller. He had the potential to be the absolute love of your life, but as a single father to a teenage girl and a small business owner, he just didn’t have the time right now. You were about to turn thirty, him thirty six in just a few days time. So, the night before his birthday you made the gut wrenching decision to end things with him. 

“What do you mean we should see other people? There’s no other people.” He proclaimed, eyes filling with tears, mirroring yours.

“It’s just not the right time. I want to get married and have a baby, Joel. Do you really want that?” You have to remain strong, it had only been three months, you hadn’t met Sarah or any of his family. Same with your side, he knew about your sisters but no one else was at risk of being hurt by this break up outside of the two of you. This was the right thing to do before you both got in too deep.

Right Person, Wrong Time.

Almost twenty five years later and you still find yourself replaying that conversation. Every September, Joel flashes behind your eyelids - still perfectly clear, almost like it had just happened yesterday. Dark curly hair, patchy scruff, big brown eyes and furrowed brows; one day he’s going to have a permanent crease between them from all his sexy scowling. If you focus hard enough, you can feel his rough and calloused fingers on your skin. You can still hear his deep and silky voice, almost managing to make you feel lighter every time he said your name or called you darlin’ or sweetheart.

“That feel good, Darlin’?”

“That’s it, sweetheart. Let go for me.”

The outbreak happened not even 24 hours after you broke up with him. Had he survived? There’s no way you survived and he didn’t. Your suspicions were confirmed the day Tommy Miller showed up.

For the most part you liked to keep to yourself, running the community garden. You’re thankful for the small and safe community, but word gets around. And when you hear that Tommy’s brother has come to town you shrink even further back into the shadows, unsure if you want to see him again. Would it hurt more if he remembered you, or if he had no memory of you and that conversation that has imprinted itself upon you? Joel Miller is your last memory, both happy and sad, before the world fell apart. 

Him, and the little girl he showed up with, left before you found the courage to approach him and soon winter took over Jackson, leaving you without the garden. Without the distraction from your thoughts of Joel.

The winter is long and brutal. April finally rolls around, and you trudge out into the rain and head to the dining hall for dinner. The gates open in the distance, but you’re lost in your own thoughts. This is more rain than you have seen in months. The garden is going to love it, you think. Just as you’re about to step up the creaky wooden steps you hear your name. It floats across the commune in a deep, gravelly, and oh so familiar voice.

You stop, tears flooding your lash line and the mud squeaking under your rubber boots as you turn to look at him through glassy eyes. Your lips part and your mouth goes dry at the sight of him. The world around you melts away. All you can see and hear is Joel Miller. He’s aged, grey peppers his temples and facial hair, he has those lines that you knew he would permanently etched between his brows, but those big brown eyes are like they’ve been frozen in time as they dance around your face.

“It’s you,” he says softly, voice shaking in a mix of sadness and relief, as he takes a few steps towards you. “I-I can’t believe it. I’ve, well…” He rakes his fingers through his soaked curls as you stare at him. The rain is coming down in a steady sheet, the ground becoming a muddy mess, and both of your clothes completely soaked through. You haven’t taken a breath in what feels like hours. 

It’s you.

“I have thought about you almost every day since the world fell apart,” he continues, his warm voice washing over you like molasses. “When I was at my lowest I would think of that little dimple you get when you smile, or that time wine came out of your nose from when you laughed at that stupid joke I made. I don’t remember the joke, but I remember how happy you looked as the sun set and the orange glow lit your skin. I’d remember the way your face scrunched up when you tried whiskey for the first time. I would remember where all your freckles are, and how soft you were against my lips as I kissed every single one. I’d think of that first time we made love, how I’d never felt that overwhelmed with emotion for another person before, how in that moment I realized that I was truly fucked when it came to you. It was anything you wanted, sweetheart. Even if it meant you wanted to break up. I never should have let you go, darin’. I’m so sorry. I tried to find you before we fled for Boston.”

By the time he’s done talking you’re right in front of him, chest grazing his, close enough that you can feel the heat of him. You have no idea how you got that close to him. You don’t remember moving your feet. Joel Miller, your Joel Miller. Greyer, lines around his eyes, but yours.

As the rain pelts down you waste no time, reaching up around his neck as he lifts you up and into his embrace. Your noses graze as you whisper a quiet ‘I missed you so much’ into his lips. 

“I’m never letting you go, baby. Never again.” He says and then you press your lips into his in a searing kiss. It lights your whole body on fire, you feel like you’ve been hit by a defibrillator. 

You’re alive again.

====================

Taglist:

@corazondebeskar @hiddenbabynyc @rainstorms-library @smutsmutslut @sullyrocky44 @keylimebeag @pimosworld @casa-boiardi i @pedritoferg @lorilane33 @pansexual-potatoes @baar-ur @jessthebaker @jasminedragoon @koshkaj-blog @pedroswife69 @strawberri-blonde  @none-of-this-makes-any-sense @iloveenya @javierpena-inatacvest @blazeflays @akah565 @pinkiec6-rubi @pedroshotwifey @iluvurfather @ashleyfilm @mermaidgirl30 @untamedheart81

[oh-no-its-bird]

TMA naruto au time buckle up,

Jon should get to be a half Uchiha bastard who has an infamously hard time controlling his sharingan.

His mangekyo (which he gets very very young when he accidentally leads a bully to their death at the hands of a nukenin with a love of spiders) basically acts as his beholding abilities and can allow him to compel people to sit still and answer anything he asks of them, which gets really messy when you consider a) shinobi society is built on secrets, and b) he has a really hard time turning it off

His visions absoloutley fucked but whatever bloodline his father was from seems to have caused the deterioration of his eyes to stop where it is— and is also the cause of why he has extra difficulty w it's flip switch

Anyways, Inuzuka Daisy or Hatake Daisy, I can't decide. Either way shes wolf coded as fuck and also in a similar boat of being absoloutley shit at controlling her bloodline. She and Jon are so problem child coded, and I think part of the reason she hates him as kids is bc she sees a lot of herself in him but like, at her worst. All of her issues but he just lays down and takes it when she fights tooth and nail against anyone who so much looks at her wrong. They are opposite ends of the spectrum and she's hyper aware of it

I think that when they're older they should get to go on a mission together and basically the whole coffin thing happens but with like an enemy nin w an earth chakra type.

Mmm alternatively tho, sprinkle in hints of the dreaded fears and play w the beasts and yokai of naruto canon, pull some spooky shit.

They get in over their heads, coffin happens, Jon goes back for her then we end with them both just kind of looking at eachother like "there are things in this world we can not comprehend."

Mmm, naruto version of the fears,,, that could be fun. Incorporate the bijuu maybe, idk

Anyways, Daisy hates Jon, coffin time happens and Jon escapes but then goes back for her (if she's a Hatake, this could also play interestingly w parallels to Kakashi) and they come out of the whole thing having Seen Thing(tm) and are irriversably changed and also now very much edging into co-dependant besties territory

Can u tell I'm a big fan of the Daisy and Jon besties agenda bc I so am

Moving on to the others ->

I want to say civilian Martin? I don't have much for him tbh, it'd be cool if he was like distantly related to Haku tho. Give him the cool ice mirror bloodline limit or whatever bc smthn smthn the lonely.

Mmm ok acrually hear me out: civilian Martin who's trying very hard to avoid shinobi things. He's actually a defected Kiri nin who forged a new identity for himself and fled to Konoha to start a new life after the bloodline hunts back in Kiri killed his whole family (except for Haku, but he doesn't know he's still alive) He's trying very hard to fly under the radar, but I doubt he'll succeed for long

I want him to look like all those fun lonely avatar fan arts of him w the sharp teeth, white streaked hair, dulled looking skin and kinda fishy vibes overall actually, but like he uses a seal to keep a permanant henge on him to look normal bc hes very visibly Kiri otherwise

Tim is giving me Yamanaka vibes for some reason. I like that also bc then we could possibly get him and Jon working together in T&I, which like yay parallel to how they used to work together before the archives

Sasha is giving me civilian born shinobi vibes, I think she should get to work in the hokage tower. Paper pusher with big dreams of moving up the latter and really being someone one day. She has her eyes dead set on a position in the Hokage's office

Basira is ,,, somewhere. You really can't have Daisy without her that's just illegal but I'm not too sure where to put her. Civilian born Basira kinda suits her but I'm ngl I'm kinda eyeing Nara Basira. Wait no fuck ok, Nara Basira and she was on a 3 man unit with Tim at one point, now they just need a Akimichi to complete the narashikacho trifecta there

She totally works in T&I now, or maybe with the Uchiha police force? It's like 90% Uchiha but I'm pretty sure some other clans are spotted here in there among them, and if they're not, I mean, I don't actually give a shit so .

I don't know if this is one of those aus where canon is still there but we're just adding tma characters into the mix or if it's just vague naruto setting but tma characters are our focus / replacing the main cast. But I think it's the first. If it was the second tho I'd say Elias as Danzo in a heartbeat

But since it's the first, Nara Elias who got a mysterious eye transplant years ago that seemed to have changed his personality entirley (were totally keeping the body hopping shit, rip the real Nara Elias who's been dead for years)

He's a slimy politician who works closely with Danzo

Ok so main narrative:

I'm thinking the coffin thing happens with Daisy and Jon, and now they're kind of eyes open to the existence of whatever version of the fears exist in this world. Jon is Jon and can't let sleeping dogs lie, and Daisy is Daisy and does her twitchy "there's something dangerous out there I can't control/don't know about" thing so she's really not stopping him, but she is helping him be more smart about it. Sometimes. They're both kind of lose canons tbh holy shit this is gonna be a disaster

So Jon gets kind of obsessed w whatever the FUCK that was, and Elias smells blood in the water and approaches

Idk what's going on with Elias but he's still body hopping bitch boy Jonah here. He's very involved in the fears, and he's had his eyes on Jon for a while. You see, the way that avatars manifest in Naruto world is that sometimes they'll often show their influence through bloodlines— Nara the dark, Yamanaka the beholding, Inuzuka the hunt, it's all there if you look for it.

Those in 'the know' believe that all bloodline limits came from the fears— sometimes their influence shows more than others. And very very rarley, that influence becomes a a bit more... potent, than in others.

Elias believes that Jon is one such instance of this, his strange mangekyo being so painfully and terrifyingly beholding coded, far more than his clansmen who's own mangekyo tend to branch off lightly into territories of different fears.

Jon (and Daisy, but Elias has a clear favorite here) running into such a strong instance of the buried, which is rare on its own, has only made Elias even more interested, taking it as some sort of sign that there really is something especially odd about Jon's unusually strong link to the fears.

Anyways, Elias sponsoring Jon's investigation into the fears, their links to the bijuu, how they interact with chakra and if they might truly be the source of modern bloodline limits.

Konoha secret supernatural task force (not to be confused with ROOT or ANBU) meant to monitor the fears influence in Konoha,,,

(God, of course Elias couldn't help but make his own fucking secret service in opposition to ROOT. He couldn't let Danzo upstage him)

Just like how ANBU has their shoulder seal and ROOT the tongue seal, I'm thinking their seal is a stylized eye on the back of their neck, which ofc Elias is always watching through, rip

Oh fuck, actually give me seal master Elias and his special spy seals he can watch and listen through. It's not a power thing it's just a specialization thing— he has his own eye tattoo that allows him to directly see through all his seals at any time.

Anyways we're calling this organization ARCHIVE bc I am a simple gal. Don't ask what it's supposed to stand for in verse, idk

Idk who else should be in it, or if it should be like ground up and Daisy and Jon are the first. Wait what the fuck am I saying, Gertrude and Gerry obviously. Michael Shelly too, can't forget him

Toss in Mike Crew and Jude Perry also just bc I like them. Maybe Nikola and an Aburame Jane Prentiss? But also idk if I'd want to put them in the position where they're technically working under Elias, I feel like that just doesn't fit. Better to leave them out in the wold to run into instead for conflict. Except Mike Crew, who is my favorite little guy and who should get to be here on loan from Elias' friend and Daimyo's court shinobi, Simon Fairchild

Honestly be funny if Kakashi was in it at one point just bc then he'd have been in all 3 konoha secret services and honestly? Hilarious. Someone give that guy a fucking break oh my god

Obviously Tim, Sasha, Martin and Basira all eventually join in, tho idk how. Maybe Jon is actually asked who would be a good choice for it? Jon says Tim and Daisy says Basira, then they both kinda eye Sasha who's been very fucking vocal ab needing just a chance to get her claws into the hooks of the Konoha power ladder and reccomend her too

Martin is the tricky one, I'm thinking Elias somehow finds out ab his Kiri background and has always wanted to poke more at the lonley's very visible connection to many kiri bloodlines— but Martin's in particular. So he kinda blackmails him into it, but framed in a more friendly "I'll make sure you don't have to hide anymore, I can secure your place in Konoha even with your ancestry :)"

Also maybe he was impressed by Martin's disguise seals, that'd be neat. Seal master Martin but he's Martin so he's like "Ah, I'm really not that good at it :("

(Jon is infuriated by his seemingly natural talent then even more infuriated when it becomes clear he's actual shit at most other shinobi things)

Ok so peddle it back to Mr Jonah eye fuckery Magnus here -> he was once like Jon. A man born into a clan w a link to the beholding, with a light eye themed bloodline limit. But he was born with a stronger tie to their patron than the others, strong enough to recognize they had a patron at all. And by feeding into it (don't ask me how I have no clue) he was able to strengthen that tie, gaining more power, and the ability to body hop through eyes

And he looks at Jon and wonders if he can replicate that in him. Groom him into something closer to their god, then feed him to the beholding to further his own power, which seems to have stagnated in growth.

I think also there's just a good amount of spite for ROOT and hunger for political power that he might get from ARCHIVE, and Jon is a clear fit for it, so like. Add him to the pile !!

I have a couple more vague thoughts for this -> the archive tunnels correlating to ROOT tunnels, the real Elias being childhood friends w Danzo and Hiruzen before Magnus took his body, Madara off in his cave somewhere being influenced by a Zetsu who serves the fears instead of Kaguya, etc.

But I'll leave it here for now, thank u for ur time

[madametrashbin]

Brainrot? Brainrot... or Drabble. Idk

I’m alive! Sort of? Honkai: Star Rail has viciously grabbed my brain the second I saw it and now I have thoughts... and this is also because I got yanked in by the throat from both the silly content and beautiful artwork.

And if it wasn’t enough to nail a coffin to my grave, Tumblr dropped a post from @channelinglament (which is this post right here) and now my brain’s keeping me up with thoughts.

Not sure if I’ll have enough energy to spare for actual posts, but maybe with enough food for thought, I might actually make a piece or two... might. Due to HSR’s brand of silliness, it might just be Shenanigans the Fic.

The thing that gets to me the most is the highest of Aeons part, like... the Aeon of Aeons and you know, while I still know almost nothing about how Aeons come to be, what if there’s that one Entity that just exists and gives power that basically ascends whatever is sentient.

Of course the term “Aeon” would not be applied until numerous of the ascended beings are present and people are suddenly aware that there are these powerful beings in the universe now that can literally affect everything and bring about a permanent change to their livelihood. One moment the universe is all calm and normal and then here comes the Aeons. People do not know how to feel about them at first.

Naturally, there will always be the curious type of people who would try to search for the cause of it.

Pop in lil old You, just trying to help everyone you come across who look to be in desperate need power to be able to change their unfortunate circumstances. Too pure of heart, harmless mischief maker, just overall the sweetest entity with the power to turn anything into gods... yes, this is how beings like Qlipoth and Nous are born.

Now this gets me thinking that the Paths existed as one big, singular Path with you as the origin point and the ending point. When you gift a part of your power to someone/something, a piece of the path branches out of the main path but still remains connected to you... whether out of devotion or because it cannot exist without you is up in the air (your choice tbh).

The people/Aeons would just feel so grateful to be chosen, to be given so much power to do what they wished to change/do most... this was before they discovered there were others like them, doing things different from them that may clash with their ideals and suddenly there’s an all out war because each of the Aeons believed that the others were sullying your name by abusing your gifts.

(While the Dusk Wars are happening, you remain in ignorance to the wars because there are mortals that are calling for help and you just can’t look away from them.)

Eventually most of the Aeons are either killed off by each other (i.e, Tayzzyronth the Propagation) or assimilated into another Aeon (i.e Ena the Order), leaving a great many Paths masterless and fraying in shards, which suddenly starts to affect you badly and the poor Aeons who were just trying to do your name justice are panicking.

No one knows what happened, or what was happening to you, and when Akivili disappears/died, you disappear as well. Everyone is grieving, and there are no more new Aeons appearing anymore.

Thus you are assumed dead by the universe  (this part came from another post that I can’t quite find ;-;) and later become forgotten just because... idk. Haven’t thought much past this.

Plot twist for the universe (not really a plot twist because there would be no story without the star of the show), you are not. You just got a bit (super) sleepy because the Paths that are masterless are without an ending point and therefore drains you because there is no one there to receive the power from the separated Path. You spent a lot of your energy mending the masterless Paths back to you which made you fall asleep by the time you were done.

When you wake back up is when the game starts, and being so out of touch with the timeline of the universe, you’re just one curious bean trying to figure out what’s going on.

No one can see you now though, which is just sad for you, but you realized they can sense you so you’re just doing your best to help them now. Kafka and Silver Wolf do not understand what’s going on except the strange warm and homely feeling that makes them feel invincible is suddenly there.

Also a mischief maker if the randomly destroyed property by the subtle urging is anything to go by... yeah, there’s something there.

Kafka and Silver Wolf feel oddly disappointed when the sensation leaves, but returns to Elio and mentions it to him. He then tells them that he may or may not have withheld information from them that an Aeon (the OG of Aeons) was going to be helping them. However they react is up to your thoughts... I haven’t thought of something for that part yet.

When MC (could be either) wakes up, the first thing they actually see is You... which makes you delighted because Yay, a friend to communicate with!. Neither March 7th nor Dan Heng could understand why the MC is talking to nothing, until they felt the warm and fuzzy presence nestled into them that they are suddenly aware that MC might be interacting with a higher existence that might be an Aeon.

They are naturally wary of you at first, but upon seeing the way MC interacts with you, doing some silly stuff by your apparent urging... they realized you’re pretty harmless and also very nice (in what way, also up in the air).

[Going back to the subject of other Aeons who are essentially your Emanators by all but name, they do not know you are alive until Nanook catches sight of you/felt your very real presence with the MC when the Doomsday Beast battle happens. They are very happy you’re back, but they’re very upset because why didn’t you tell them you were back? For what reason, you guys can think about it. 

Anyways, you’ve got an Aeon stalking you and MC now, keeping a close eye on you especially because they nearly lost you once and would like it if you didn’t actually die this time. When MC starts getting acknowledged by more of the Aeons, more of them are also going to notice you too and then join Nanook with the stalking thing.

Eventually if they do find you in reality... well, that’s up to your imagination. It can also be a race between them and the mortals who start to see you physically too since you’re the sweetest existence to ever come into the universe and it’s a must to protect that innocence of yours (or for some other reason).

Also highly debating if Aeon!You would be either Aeon of Origin (the beginning of the Paths/the Origin of the Paths if going by this type of story) or Aeon of Guidance because of the in-game thing that we all do.]

Uhh... that’s all my brain can come up with here... so I shall see myself out now! ;D

[carabas]

Sorting out Veilguard thoughts. This is very long, I had mixed feelings about Solas's endings and this is me trying to make Solas's actions and motivations make sense to me through quotes and bullet points.

Basic starting principle of the game: Solas is trapped by regret. We left him at the end of Trespasser heading out on the din'anshiral but not exactly enthusiastic about it, he's conflicted, he doesn't want to break the world again but he feels he has to, the whole plot here grows out of that. He tried to save the world and woke up finding he'd created a nightmare hell world a la the Inquisitor's trip to the terrible future version of Redcliffe, and it's his responsibility to fix that.

Specifically, the problems that make this a nightmare hell world:

The Blight's still here!! The whole point was to trap the Blight and yet it's still leaking into the world, his world-saving plan didn't even get that part right, what the fuck.

Mortality. First spirits took bodies which he had mixed feelings about to begin with, and which was the crime against the Titans which ultimately resulted in the Blight which I can't imagine improved his feelings about it - but also now they die, he is personally responsible for generations of people being permanently trapped in bodies which die, he didn't even want a body in the first place. "Your legends are half-right. We were immortal. It was not the arrival of humans that caused us to begin aging. It was me. The Veil took everything from the elves, even themselves."

A world of Tranquil. It's not just how long mortals live, it's the way they live, with no connection to the Fade outside their dreams. "You saw the remains of Vir Dirthara. The library was intrinsically tied to the Fade, and the Veil destroyed it. There were countless other marvels, all dependent on the presence of the Fade, all destroyed." Instead of those marvels, there's a fear and distrust and ignorance of all things Fade - and there are few things that frustrate Solas as much as ignorance - and that fear of the Fade naturally results in the fear of mages, the whole central plot of DA2, the struggle for mage freedom which Solas was vocal about and which was a big factor in his approval in Inquisition.

The effects on the spirits of the Fade, who Solas sees as people when most of the mortal world does not. ...You know what, I'm just going to copy-paste some longer quotes from Inquisition for this one because this is something that wasn't touched on much at all in Veilguard.

Even in Solas's very early-game conversations with the Inquisitor, he tells us exactly how he sees the effects of the Veil on spirits and how the mortal world relates to them:

Inquisitor: I'd like to know more about the Veil.

Solas: Circle mages call it a barrier between this world and the Fade. But according to my studies in ancient elven lore, that is a vast oversimplification. Without it… Imagine if spirits entered freely, if the Fade was not a place one went but a state of nature like the wind.

Inquisitor: It sounds like it would be wonderful.

Solas: And dangerous, but… yes. A world where imagination defines reality, where spirits are as common as trees or grass. Instead, spirits are strange and fearful, and the Fade is a terrifying world touched only by mages and dreamers. I am glad that I am not alone in seeing the beauty of such a world, along with the obvious peril.

And:

Inquisitor: I’d like to know more about demons.

Solas: The Chantry says that demons hate the natural world and seek to bring their chaos and destruction to the living. But such simplistic labels misconstrue their motivations and, in so doing, do all a great disservice. Spirits wish to join the living, and a demon is that wish gone wrong.

Inquisitor: Is there a way to coexist? To live with them, if not in peace, at least without such active confrontation?

Solas: Not in the world we know today. The Veil creates a barrier that makes true understanding most unlikely. But the question is a good one, and it matters that you thought to ask.

And this was the codex entry description of demonic possession in the first two games, as written by a senior enchanter from Ostwick:

Why do demons seek to possess the living? History claims they are malevolent spirits, the first children of the Maker, angry at their creator for turning from them and jealous of those creations he considered superior. They stare across the Veil at the living and do not understand what they see, yet they know they crave it. They desire life, they pull the living across the Veil when they sleep and prey on their psyche with nightmares. Whenever they can, they cross the Veil into our world to possess it outright. We know that any demon will seek to possess a mage, and upon doing so will create an abomination.

And this was Cole's reaction to discovering the history of the Veil in Trespasser:

Cole: The Veil isn’t real. It’s false, fake, fabricated to forbid. Isn’t it wonderful? It means I belong here! Helping, healing the hurt! I’m not a wrong thing, a wreck, a ruin. I’m what I should be!

...We're repeatedly told throughout the series that spirits desire to be with the living and the Veil is preventing that, for good or ill. Rook's team cares about this in terms of the threat of their world being destroyed by a sudden flood of demons, but from Solas's point of view the spirits belonged here to begin with and it's his mistake that makes coexistence impossible.

But at the same time, the first three games were set in the South - Veilguard shows us the Mourn Watch and Rivaini seers who do coexist with spirits, even with the Veil still in place. Other characters are less comfortable with this, but we're not getting anywhere near the same focus on the fear of spirits and mages here that we saw in the South. The game's just... not really interested in discussing this, we're not focusing on these ongoing effects of the Veil right now in this game about Solas trying to bring the Veil down, sure there's the occasional haunting and plenty of demons to fight but we're treating the ability to coexist with spirits as basically a solved problem in northern Thedas. And we've already put the mage rights plotline to rest in Inquisition. We're done, we're moving on, those parts of Solas's motivation are still important in that Solas's attitude toward spirits is important, but focusing on those problems is not a priority right now.

So of Solas's motivations that we saw back in Inquisition, the outlook now... the Blight's a problem, everyone's on the same page about the Blight being a problem, and in the good ending Solas winds up working on that aspect of the problem - but his other motivations, although they may still be problems, do not look as huge and pressing in Veilguard as they did in Inquisition. We've seen cultures where people and spirits coexist even with the Veil in place; mages in the north seem to be doing fine, at least as far as my Nevarran mage Rook's experience goes, and even in the south the treatment of mages is no longer what it was in the first two games; and the wonders of the Fade may be great but there are also dangers, acknowledged by Solas, and if a lot of people would rather keep the dangers out than bring the wonders or the immortality back in... who has the right to decide that for the whole world?

That's become the sticking point here. It's not really about how to solve the ongoing problems created by the Veil... it's whether they're Solas's problems to solve. And there's plenty of reason for him to answer yes to that, he created the problem to begin with and few other living people even have the knowledge that the Veil is unnatural, much less the ability to fix it - but also, let's be real, his attempts at solving problems have had some extremely fucking questionable results thus far.

And the stance this story has taken is: Solas is imprisoned by regret. Whether the Veil should come down or not, the reason Solas specifically has to walk this path is because of regret. And this story's happiest ending that takes the most effort to unlock is trying to release him from the role his regrets have imprisoned him in. (Relevant parallel: Lucanis carrying his mental prison around with him to the point that Spite can't tell they ever left.)

It's not like the whole world has taken a vote and decided that the Veil is good and immortality/wonders/coexistence with the Fade are not worth it. Obviously the player character of Veilguard is firmly in favor of guarding said Veil, but in Trespasser and the Masked Empire, Solas had agents working for him; in Tevinter Nights, Solas's monster wolf form was followed by an army of Valor and Justice spirits; in Veilguard, Solas said he had a host of spirits ready to help when the Veil fell to minimize the loss of life. For all the reasons Solas believed the Veil must come down, there's room to believe there are other characters on both sides of the Veil who also see those as problems and would presumably still be working on those problems, although that's not the focus of this game. And more people know about the origins of the Veil now, the story of the gods and Titans.

Solas tried to share the truth with the Dalish when he first woke up, but it went badly then; we know the truth now. Maybe if Solas were just a wisdom spirit he could even have been satisfied by sharing that history and having the truth be heard without taking the whole fate of the world on himself - but Solas is not just a wisdom spirit, and he has been defined by both wisdom and pride. He took on a role he never wanted because Mythal asked it of him, he so hates when spirits are twisted away from their purpose and his got complicated the moment he first took a body. Having the truth heard isn't nearly enough to fix this situation, and he needs to fix it, it is his responsibility to fix it, he is trapped by his regrets.

Talking with Rook about Elgar'nan...

Solas: Can you see how he and I might frustrate one another?

Rook: The two of you are too much alike. Both of you want to be in charge.

Solas: I have no desire to be "in charge."

Rook: No, you just want to be able to correct anyone who's not doing everything the way you'd've done it.

Solas: (Chuckles) I see you have been observing me as well during these conversations.

...Rook and their team can come up with a very wide variety of opinions on Solas, but that line did seem to amuse Solas, Rook had a point with that one. That is the place where Solas's wisdom meets pride.

Rook: All right, I can see how you and Elgar'nan would hate each other.

Solas: He has always been what I most feared becoming. Callous and uncaring, his arrogance unchecked. To have that much power and no one to remind him that he could be wrong…

Rook: Well, he had you.

Solas: (Chuckles) And I suppose I had you.

Solas was afraid of becoming like Elgar'nan, more pride than wisdom. He could see the possibility of that happening, the same way spirits become demons. And in the final scene, if he's not convinced to turn away from his path and attempts to tear down the Veil, he sounds very much like Elgar'nan. In the trickery version, Rook calls him out on this and Solas argues against it but then he comes out with these extremely Elgar'nan-like lines:

Solas: You think yourself capable of judging me? I have faced things you could not possibly comprehend! You are a mortal! A mortal! And I am a--(Rook interrupts him by shoving him toward his prison, and then Solas 'chuckles bitterly') I am a fool…

Even more so if Rook fights him instead of tricking him, with Solas declaring that compared to you mortals, he is a god - which Solas was pretty emphatic about denying before. And maybe that's what he was starting to say in the trickery version too before he was interrupted, "I am a--" and then he had a moment to realize what he was saying.

He was a spirit originally, and spirits are changeable by beliefs and expectations, and in this game the attempt to tear down the Veil very much does change him, instantly. The game treats him as a spirit who is being twisted away from his purpose by the act of tearing down the Veil. More than that, his purpose has already been twisted for a very long time, he already had regrets about this in those memories of ancient Elvhenan, talking about how at least the Disruption spirits died without being twisted from their purpose. He was wisdom before he was pride.

So if the bad endings are about Solas being twisted away from his nature by the very thing he feels he must do to save the world - the good ending is the opposite. It's about bringing him closer to the spirit he used to be, by finally putting down the thing that has been twisting him up.

In the good ending, Rook tries to talk Solas around even before Lavellan and Mythal join in - Rook doesn't want to see the world go through even more pain on top of what Elgar'nan has done, the world is broken but breaking the world again is the wrong way to make up for the damage Solas has caused, Solas has a chance right now to save the world by saving the Veil - and this argument is actually tempting to Solas! It's not enough, but he does pause, he thinks about it, he's conflicted, he's been conflicted this whole time, he was already wrestling with this back in Inquisition when he had only just woken up and had only seen a little of this new world, he has never wanted to break the world. He believed he had to.

Solas: I cannot. To stop now would dishonor those I have wronged to come this far.

Lavellan: Even if those you've wronged asked you to stop?

Solas: Vhenan…

Lavellan: You think you've gone too far to come back, but you're wrong. I am here, walking the dinan'shiral with you!

Solas: I lied. I betrayed you.

Lavellan: I forgive you! All you have to do is stop.

Solas: Ir abelas, vhenan… But I cannot.

...He actually paused way longer for Rook's argument about breaking the world than for this. He is more emotional with Lavellan, this did affect him, but that wasn't a convincing argument. I lied, I betrayed you - she tells him she's with him and he gives her a list of reasons she shouldn't be, he can't let himself respond to this right now.

Solas: Long before we met, I failed my oldest friend. She died for that failure. If I leave the Veil in place, I am destroying the world she wanted. And I will have… She will have died for nothing.

He believes the Veil is destroying the world Mythal wanted - and they were the firstborn elves, she invited him to take a body, the union of spirits and the mortal world is integral to his memory of her.

Side note here. If Bellara is in your team when you and Solas are traveling together during the endgame, you get this conversation:

Bellara: All I really want to know is why you killed Mythal.

Solas: The Evanuris killed Mythal.

Bellara: Only the first time. The second time, she was in Flemeth's body, and she didn't want you to destroy the world to avenge her… But you killed her. Was it because she was willing to stop, and you weren't?

Solas: That was not Mythal. It was merely a fragment.

Bellara: Right. That you killed.

…He didn't answer her after that. And now, here at the end of the game, "I will have.... She will have died for nothing," the fact that he killed that merely a fragment of Mythal for this is sticking in his mind, and we saw his regret about that moment plastered on the wall of the Lighthouse, and he is imprisoned by that regret - however conflicted he might feel, he was firmly committed to this path the moment he killed Mythal for a second time.

The final straw, the moment he finally gives up his plan, isn't about the fate of the world at all:

Mythal: I pulled you from the Fade you loved and sent you into war. I used your wisdom as a weapon… and it broke you.

Solas: The things that I have done…

Mythal: Are not for you alone to bear, my friend. The many wrongs we did, we did together. I release you from my service.

For this, he is hunched over and small, like she broke him all over again - maybe he had the right idea and breaking something a second time is the way to fix it in his particular case. He was a wisdom spirit before she sent him to war, before he was the Dread Wolf, before he broke the world trying to save it. He has been at war with one thing or another for a very long time.

Here Lavellan says "There is no fate but the love we share," and he doesn't argue with her this time. He can't look at her yet. He makes a fist. He puts a hand to his brow - was Mythal's vallaslin there once? Lowers his head. Looks at the tear in the Veil. Now he finally looks at Lavellan and the other people standing in front of him, not that fragment of Mythal, Mythal is gone. And then he binds himself to the Veil.

He hasn't let go of his past mistakes, that's not what's happening. He's still got regrets. He is letting go of the Dread Wolf, the role that a spirit of wisdom was twisted into.

Solas: With every breath I take, I will protect the innocent from my past failures. The Titans' dreams are mad from their imprisonment. I cannot kill the blight, but I can help to soothe its anger. I will go and seek atonement.

And then he is finally able to respond to Lavellan's love for him, to make this journey together.

[wingerwind]

Finally! Tuff Guys designs! They’re done! (Really wanted to get this out after session 3 before Tango was perma-dead, but luckily he is still here with us)

Obligatory ramble under the cut warning:

Bdubs looks very wonky but maybe that fits his character. If you squint you could say it was done on purpose. His pupils are permanently dilated. I don’t really know why I have this headcanon, but like…it feels wrong to have him just be a normal guy, you know? He’s like…weird-ish. Maybe not as obviously weird as Tango, but… remember his brief stint as a god during the Empires crossover? Yeah, I do. I just need to make SOME part of him vaguely inhuman. I feel like it fits with his big eyes, too. A combination of mascara and dilated pupils (I did not mean to make it look like he was on drugs but I guess that checks out too)

Now that I’m looking at Etho (eight heads tall) next to other characters (mostly seven heads tall) I realize that his small head makes him look very strange. HOWEVER I am probably just projecting as someone who is eight heads tall and always looks weird in photos (esp selfies) because despite being the closest to the camera I look like I’m further away at the same time. Also, despite Etho being blown up by a creeper his clothes have actually fared well and maybe that is favoritism. (Who, me? Favoritism?? Never) I couldn’t get rid of his mask, though. Come on.

Etho and Tango are both very much party in the back right now. They both got exploded from behind so the backs of their clothing are pretty much demolished. What you see visible of Etho’s original jacket, for example, is basically the only thing left. Just the right half and sleeve. Tango’s in the same boat but he got creative and decided to move the front of his vest thing (the only part which survived) around to cover his back which was very uncovered. His outfit is held together with hopes and dreams and probably some duct tape.

Tango’s pose was an absolute nightmare to draw, btw. I like how it turned out tho. (I actually REALLY like all the little design details in his hair…mostly the funny little tufts on his cheeks. Kinda like sideburns? I guess?)

[winwintea]

i noticed in a previous ask you mentioned theories you had about winwin's absence? can you elaborate? i'm quite curious

absolutely! but chat isn't gonna like this one i'm afraid.

i just want to start off by clarifying that this is all a theory, and no way is it true at all. i'm just speculating, and honestly if you disagree and have points why, please tell me because i really want this to be wrong.

unfortunately, it seems like a likely scenario that i absolutely hate (get me off of this ride pls), especially being a winwin stan.

so let's start at the begining.

we all know the basics, winwin is an extremely talented dancer. (he's also smart as hell) he was admitted to Beijing's dance academy in middle school which is an incredibly difficult school to get into, and he was also admitted to the central academy of drama which is another incredibly difficult school to get into (he ranked 10th overall and they only admitted the top 25)

so winwin is a talented dancer, now what?

most of us probably know that winwin was scouted by sm on the street for his looks, and they chased him for 2 years until he finally decided to join the company.

this is where the lines get blurred and a lot of things happen behind the scenes.

i'm convinced, that if sm kept telling winwin he would be a talented "idol" in korea winwin still would have said no. there is something that sm probably promised winwin if he agreed to join the company. (i'll get into that something later because it's pretty important to his career rn)

winwin trained for 1 year, after joining the company in 2015 and he was even a part of sm rookies. when nct u debuted, it was already confirmed that tae*l, taeyong, mark, jaehyun were going to be part of 127. pretty sure they wanted to debut with 7 members, so they had to pick three more members and they chose yuta, winwin, and haechan. now here's a big bombshell that probably isn't that surprising.

winwin was never supposed to be a permanent member of 127.

i've always seen the argument of "why didn't sm debut johnny or doyoung from the start? maybe instead of winwin?" good question. but the question should be asking instead of 'yuta' or 'haechan' for the matter, not winwin.

winwin was always being pushed in nct content, some even theorize he's like a main character in their lore (idk shit about the lore) which i found honestly odd. because if you're going to completely neglect a member but towards the begining, put so much effort into debuting and pushing him into the spotlight, why would you even do that in the first place?

the reason? sm didn't want winwin to leave the company.

winwin's visuals are an asset, sm doesn't want to lose that. combined with the fact that they spent so much effort trying to get him to join the company, it's no surprise that winwin (who had no interest in becoming an idol) might leave before wayv can debut in 2018.

so they push him to debut early, knowing that he wouldn't be able to back out then. technically rookies/trainees could still leave the company, but once you were locked in as a debuted idol you're locked in for real. so unfortunately, this was what happened to winwin. then the whole wayv, "inactive" in 127 thing happened and here we are. (don't know why he's still labeled as inactive, sm is probably avoiding the wrath of ot9 fans who still believe winwin is a part of 127 - aka me. i'm fans.)

so that happened, alright, what's next, why is sm treating winwin like shit?

they're not.

or at least, they're upholding an end of a deal. (i think, guys this is also speculative pls dont trust my word on this)

remember how i mentioned sm promising something to winwin so he could join the company? that promise was connections. see winwin probably had aspirations to be a dancer, but that doesn't make as much money as an actor does. he has the looks, and dance can sometimes be a form of drama/acting, so it's a decent transition. that's probably what his plans were from out of college. but sm convinced him that if he joined the company, they could use their own connections to get him acting gigs in china once he debuted in a group. this was the deal.

i mean most kpop idols usually segway into either becoming a solo artist or acting.

and mostly, sm seems to be upholding the end of the bargain. it's not sm's fault that he has become actor-winwin but sm isn't innocent either. the switching of recording dates was absolutely shitty on their part and i have no idea why they're doing it.

now if this were all true and all the winwin antis were to come for my head saying "winwin just wants to ruin the group with his acting gigs then" or some bullshit like that, then go voice your complaints to sm entertainment who harassed a fucking minor to join their company. a company that he didn't really want to join.

THIS POST IN NO WAY IS SAYING WINWIN HATES BEING A PERFORMER. IN FACT IM FULLY CONVINCED WINWIN LOVES PERFORMING WITH WAYV. IM JUST EXPLAINING A POSSIBILITY AS WHY “SM HAS BEEN MISTREATING WINWIN”

thank you for listening to my ted talk

[ladykailitha]

Royal Pain Part 11

Hi! It’s been a rough week and I burned up my backlog. This is the last finished chapter I have left and with the busy weekend I had with my sister and getting a migraine yesterday and today...I don’t if I’ll have anything ready for Thursday.

Also since I finished Roads, I have leaned more into The Boy With a Bat Book 2. I’ve completely overhauled chapter two because I rushed from the play (which was in March) and jumped straight to June and meeting the lovely Robin. But I realized that I could draw that out more. Build up the relationship between Eddie and Steve more. Play on Eddie’s friends clashing with the “Let’s Pick on Steve” style of love from the Monster Hunter gang up a bit.

I’ll also put up a poll to see what other stories you guys might be interested in seeing me do next.

But on to Erica, Chrissy and Argyle’s first day. Still no Eddie, but don’t worry, he’s not forgotten, the dinner ‘date’ is next.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10

***

Chrissy and Argyle turned up for work the next morning and Steve was vibrating with excitement.

“Hi, guys!” he greeted them cheerfully. “This is Erica Sinclair. She’s going to being doing henna for our clients this summer as a bit of summer special to get more causal clients through the door.”

“Totally rad!” Argyle said with a thumbs up. Steve was pleased to note that his eyes were clear and the faint aroma of weed was gone.

Chrissy just nodded.

Steve turned around and grabbed a couple of oranges from the fruit basket. He tossed one to Chrissy and one to Argyle.

“Until I can get the synthetic skin in, this will have to do,” he explained. “I want to you tattoo something simple into the rind of the fruit. Get creative. Have fun.” He looked at his watch. “You each have a room with a chair set up with everything you’ll need. Don’t do colors yet. I just want to get a feel for how you work. You’ll have one hour.”

Steve watched Chrissy first she had a deft and steady hand. She did a gynandromorphic butterfly. The right wing only had basic stripes of a female butterfly and the left wing had the spots and showy patterns of a male butterfly.

It was an interesting choice. He left her to finish up the left wing as he wandered over to Argyle’s room.

He started on a surfboard. He was bent over the fruit with an intensity that lacked in the man’s usual demeanor. His long hair covered most of what he was doing but Steve could see it was a well-thought out piece.

He waved at Argyle to get his attention. Argyle looked up with a big smile. “Hey, dude!”

“You’ve got a really good head for design,” Steve told him. “You fill the space without making it look crowded.”

Argyle’s smile turned into a grin.  “Thanks!”

“Since you’re almost done, can I talk to you about something really quick?” Steve asked.

“This is about the weed, huh?”

Steve nodded. “I don’t care what you do in your off hours. Just don’t bring it to work, get caught with it on your person, or come to work baked. You’re are an amazing artist and I would really like to keep you.”

Argyle nodded. “The big meetup was a bit of an accident. I forgot to account for inhaling my roommate’s blunt on top of my morning hit and was still a little too toasty.”

Steve nodded. “Fair enough. This is one job that takes care and precision and since we’re doing permanent work on people. Messing up is little more...”

“Heinous?” Argyle asked, cocking his head to the side.

Steve burst out laughing. “Yeah, that! As long as you follow those three things, you and I are good.”

“You don’t care I smoke weed?” Argyle asked curiously.

Steve shook his head. “It’s fine. I just can’t have it here, I’ve worked to hard for everything to go up in smoke.”

Argyle nodded sagely. “I will abstain while I’m working for you, dude. I wouldn’t want to hurt you in that way.”

“You don’t have to completely abstain,” Steve assured him. “Just not on days you have to come in.”

Argyle gave him a thumbs up. Steve looked at his watch. “You’ve got about enough time to finish that up and the hour will be done. Come back out when your done.”

He stopped to check in on Erica. He peaked his head in her room where she was testing out the different colored henna on herself. She was doing a pretty lotus pattern on her left hand with the different dyes.

“You really do have a steady hand,” he said as he strolled up to her.

She grinned up at him. “Thanks! The darker the red is, the harder it is to show up on my hand. See?” She held up her hand so he could get a better look at it.

“Yeah. Does the dye have to be red?” he asked.

She nodded. “Real henna starts off bright orange and darkens over time. There are other dyes that can be used for henna, but it’s not from the plant of the same name.”

Steve nodded. “I got you the paste stuff, but I can get you other kinds if you would prefer that.”

“That’s fine for now,” Erica said. “The powder isn’t shelf stable and can go bad. If I decide to do it full time, I’ll think about going to the powder, but this will work.”

Steve nodded. “Wanna come see what Chrissy and Argyle did for their first tattoos?”

Erica grinned and immediately jumped to her feet and followed him out to the reception area.

Argyle and Chrissy were leaning up against counter chatting with Robin.

“Hey, guys!” Steve greeted. “Let’s see what you’ve got.”

Argyle and Chrissy turned, throwing both of their oranges at him at the same time.

Steve caught them both which raised eyebrows.

“Dude!” Argyle said. “That was wicked.”

“Shit,” Chrissy said with a giggle. “I forgot you were on the baseball team, too.”

“You were on the baseball team?” Argyle asked.

“In high school,” Steve said with a shrug. “And the basketball team and the swim team.”

“Wow.”

Steve chuckled. “It was so my parents could pay to have someone else watch me instead of doing it themselves. But I had fun. I was captain of the basketball team and co-captain of the boys swim team.”

“You have depths, bro,” Argyle said. “That’s so cool.”

Steve blushed. “Thanks.” He handed one of the oranges to Erica. “Hold this, please.”

She rolled her eyes but wisely said nothing.

He looked at the orange in his hand and saw it was Chrissy’s. “I guess will start with this one.”

Chrissy grinned at him.

“It’s a good design,” he told her. “It’s unique. The lines are strong without being too thick.” He peeled the orange and looked at the rind. “Right, okay, so they go deeper in some spots and not as deep in others. So you’ll need to work on consistency.”

She nodded. “I didn’t even realize I was doing it. That’s a neat trick.”

Steve smiled at her and tossed the orange back to her. She sat down with it and studied where she had gone wrong with it. He took the other orange from Erica.

“This was your first time with a tattoo gun, right?”

Argyle nodded. “Thanks for setting it up for me. It was bit different from the stick and poke my nana taught me.”

“You were taught how to do the stick and poke style?” Steve asked. He felt an overwhelming sense of relief. Stick and poke done by amateurs was dangerous but knowing that he had been taught to do it put him at ease.  

Argyle nodded.

“If you want, I can get you a proper set,” Steve said. “If that would make you more comfortable.”

Argyle lit up. “I have my own set my nana gave me, I can bring that by and have you take a look. But I wanna learn how to use a gun, too.”

“That would be great,” Steve agreed. “Bring them tomorrow, I’d love to take a look.”

Argyle beamed at him.

Steve lifted up Argyle orange. “The style is good. The lines are clean.” He peeled the orange and winced. “It’s a bit too deep.” He tossed it to Argyle for him to take a look.

Argyle stumbled with it and it fell to the floor. He picked up with a grimace. He looked at the orange and winced too. “Way too deep. I tattooed the orange and not just the rind.”

“Yeah,” Steve agreed. “I think it’s because with the stick and poke method it’s easier to see how deep the needle goes and with a gun it’s all about pressure.”

Argyle nodded. “That makes sense. Looks like I’m buying a lot of fruit in the next couple of days.”

Robin chuckled. “At least you can claim it on your taxes.”

Argyle’s eyes went wide and he smiled broadly. “I didn’t think of that, that’s awesome!”

Chrissy giggled. “It’s great doing something like tattooing for a living because you can claim all sorts of things as tax write offs. Took your best friend out to dinner, talked about tattoos? Business meeting. Bought new ink that looked pretty, and you might not ever use it, but you don’t know that, business expense. It’s great.”

Argyle looked as though his mind had been completely blown.

“You won’t need a lot of fruit anyway,” Steve said. “I’m getting synthetic skin in later this week so you learn about how different colors appear on different skin tones. It’s important to learn because one yellow might look good on a person, but not the next.”

“I’m having our friend Will do up binders for you two,” Robin said, holding up Steve’s three-ring binder that had his portfolio in it. “So that we can start getting you clients, too.”

Steve nodded, crossing his arms over his chest. “That won’t be until the end of the summer. So in the mean time, we’ll be building up your tattoo skills and to talk to clients. Then probably after the 4th of July, we’ll start you off with the smaller and simpler tattoos, get a good foundation in.”

They both nodded.

He turned to Erica. “I’ve already started advertising your henna. So if you have pics of some of the work you did for your friends get them to Will so we can display them.”

She saluted. “Roger that!”

“Also I’ve been looking into it,” he continued, “would you be willing to do henna nights for bridal parties?”

Erica wrinkled her nose in thought. “I don’t think I can. That’s a lot of work and it has to set overnight, I’m good, but not that good.”

Steve nodded. “Fair enough. That’s why I asked first, I knew Robin would get calls about it and now she has a firm answer to give.”

Robin nodded.

Steve blushed and ducked his head. “I had this idea and it sounds stupid in my head, but...”

“I think it’s cool,” Robin said sticking her tongue out at him.

Chrissy cocked her head. “What’s the idea?”

“I thought we could lean more into royal theme a bit,” Steve muttered to his feet, “go by nicknames,”

Argyle blinked at him a moment. “Like what?”

“Lady, Marquis, Duchess, Stewart...” he mumbled.

Robin grinned manically. “Go on tell them what your name would be.”

“King.”

Chrissy cackled. “That would be perfect!”

Argyle just stared him blankly. “Wha’?”

“You see,” Robin began, “the reason for name, the decor, everything is based off a nickname from high school. King Steve.”

“Who was a massive asshole, by the way,” Chrissy said with a wink.

Steve rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Until my senior year when I realized I didn’t want to conform to what my parents wanted me to be and gladly handed the crown to the next poor schmuck.”

“But when we were looking for a name for the new shop...” Robin said in a sing-song voice.

“It just made sense, a royal pain?” Steve said. “That’s me to a tee. So I kinda leaned into the whole vibe.”

“So you want to lean into that a little further?” Erica asked. “Because I am so claiming Lady. Not sure if I want to do Lady Applejack or Lady E. Because just Lady is the name of a dog and I ain’t into that shit.”

Chrissy laughed. “I’ll happily take just Duchess because while it can be a dog, it’s also the name of several kickass characters.”

“Oohh...” Argyle said. “I could be the Marquis de Carabas! I named myself after a fairy tale!”

Steve frowned in confusion. “What now?”

Argyle bounced in excitement. “It’s from the book, ‘Neverwhere’ by Neil Gaiman. It’s so rad. It’s about this dude who finds himself in a London that is weirder and wilder then the one you see. One of the bros he meets is the Marquis who has this wicked black coat. But he got his name from the fairy tale Puss in Boots. But not like the Shrek one.”

Steve blinked. “Yeah sure. It’ll be a work in progress to be honest. And I won’t start it immediately. Just an idea to float out there.”

They all nodded. Steve smiled at them. This was a going to be the most fun he’s had in a long time and he gets to share it with all of them. And he had Eddie to thank for it all.

He couldn’t wait until tonight.

***

 Part 12  Part 13 Part 14  Part 15  Part 16  Part 17  Part 18 Part 19  Part 20  Part 21   Part 22  Part 23  Part 24  Part 25 Part 26  Part 27  Part 28  Epilogue

Tag List: @spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @artiststarme @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 @pyrohonk​ @renaissan-vvitch @goodolefashionedloverboi @chaoticlovingdreamer @maya-custodios-dionach @messrs-weasley @val-from-lawrence @plyerice27 @thedragonsaunt @chaoticlovingdreamer @sapphirecobalt-1 @a-little-unsteddie @i-must-potato @danili666 @carlyv @rozzieroos @wonderland-girl143-blog @itsall-taken @justforthedead89 @emly03 @bookworm0690 @aizawa-emma @redfreckledwolf @thesuninyaface @bookbinderbitch @yikes-a-bee @littlewildflowerkitten @scheodingers-muppet @archermightbegay @hallucinatedjosten @ellietheasexylibrarian @anne-bennett-cosplayer @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @bestwifehaver @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx 

[still-breathing-au-p3r]

It’s not like he meant to eavesdrop. You can’t even really call it eavesdropping if they were talking right out in the lounge where there are always people, can you?

He hadn’t said anything last night, or all day today, because he’d been hoping that talking with Amada about it would get Minato to go to the hospital on his own. Since they didn't have school today, it'd be the perfect opportunity, too.

He didn’t. Junpei did, along with Fuuka and Yuka-tan. Sanada-san had come by later just like he always did, and he’d still been there when the rest of them had left. Minato never showed up, and he hadn’t been at the dorm when they’d gotten back.

Junpei’s set himself up in the second-floor lounge with a volume of a manga series he’d been meaning to get around to, but he’s basically just flipping through the pages instead of really reading it. The more he thinks about it, the more it pisses him off.

He thought Minato and Aragaki-san were tight– Minato’d always seemed to be hanging around him, helping him cook or garden or walk Koromaru or whatever. They spent so much time together in September that one would think they were as close as him and Sanada-san. Aragaki-san had apparently even talked about how sick he was to Minato, so he must have trusted him– even if he had left out the part about why he was sick.

Was that why? Could Minato really be that pissed that Aragaki-san had lied to him? He can understand being angry, but that’s a really stupid reason to just throw away a whole entire friendship like that. And it’s not like anyone else in S.E.E.S. is all that good at being truthful anyway. Hell, even Kirijo-senpai had lied to them for a while! 

But Minato hadn’t seemed bothered at all when Kirijo-senpai eventually spilled the beans. He didn’t seem bothered about a lot of things, actually.

Why is this so different? Or was it just another reason entirely? Whatever the big damn issue is, Junpei vows to get to the bottom of it.

So, when Junpei sees Minato try and slink past towards his room, he snaps the manga volume shut and goes after him.

Minato turns only halfway towards him, and he looks at the knob on his bedroom door instead of Junpei.

“Of course I care.” 

Minato’s face barely looks different than it always does and he’s not even any louder than normal, but Junpei still takes half a startled step backwards because there’s more feeling in his voice right now than Junpei’s ever heard before and it’s– kinda alarming? Even in the middle of a fight with shadows, Minato’s never sounded this fired up.

“I’m too scared to go,” he says. He almost sounds like his normal ‘nothing’s ever bothered me in my life’ self again, but with something off about it. Like he’s hanging on for dear life and still slipping anyway.

“Scared?” Junpei asks. “You?” Minato doesn’t get scared of things. Not even when he really should be.

Minato replies with a slow, barely visible nod. “In the alley, when we were waiting for the Dark Hour to be over so we could call for help? That was the most terrified I’ve ever been since– In a long time,” he says after a tense minute of silence. “But then seeing Aragaki-senpai like that– hooked up to all those machines… It was worse.” 

His grip tightens ever so slightly on the doorknob and it rattles, because his hand’s started shaking a little. “It reminded me of– of–”

Minato trails off, and Junpei gets the feeling he’s probably never going to get the end of that sentence. For once, his permanently neutral expression has shifted into something Junpei can almost call horror. His eyes are kind of glassy and Junpei suddenly wonders if he’s about to faint and if he’ll have to try and catch him. “I want to go, but I can’t. I can’t do it.” 

Shit, man. This is the most he’s ever heard Minato talk at once, and of course it took something terrible. Whatever it is that’s got Minato like this, it’s the kind of afraid that runs a lot deeper than just ‘oh I’m scared of spiders’ or even ‘oh I’m scared of hospitals.’

He still doesn’t like it, and he still kind of wishes that Minato would nut up for their senpai’s sake, but he also does get it. And he knows that pushing about something that’s apparently this serious would be a dick move.

“Okay,” he says. Minato doesn’t react. “Um. I’m sorry man.” Minato still doesn’t react. “For. Y’know. Getting so heated without even talking to you about it. And for sayin’ you didn’t care about Aragaki-san.”

“It’s fine,” Minato says to the doorknob. Junpei isn’t sure if he actually means it or if he’s just saying it because that’s what you’re supposed to say after an apology. He thinks Minato isn’t really sure either. “…Anyway. Night.”

He finally pushes his way inside his room without another word. Junpei winces when he hears the click of the lock. 

Okay.

Yeah, he deserved that. 

He’ll definitely have to think of a way to make up for being such an ass.

[backjustforberena]

Hi! I just wanted to say that I absolutely adore your takes on Rhaenys. Unironically, there are so many times where I am having A Big Thought on the subject and come on here and you have said the exact thing I do not have the words to say myself and it is wonderful.

Also, I just saw your reply to someone else who said something similarly, and I am glad to know that your current fixation on all things Eve and also Rhaenys as a character isn’t going anywhere. I always feel like I’m late to the party discovering things so I wind up missing all the good discourse and squeeing over actresses and characters, so knowing that at least for the foreseeable future you will also be out there in the world losing your shit over her is good for my soul.

Also also, I do not know if you are still taking the rose asks, but the excerpts of yours I have read from that so far are all so good. I am very (im)patiently waiting for whenever you see fit to finish the things they are a part of so I may enjoy them just as much in context as I have in snippet form!

Hello! I let this sit in my inbox for a few days just so I could keep looking at it and smiling broadly. What a lovely, lovely thing to say and to take the time to write.

I'm glad that you've enjoyed my meta, thoughts and opinions about Rhaenys. She's just a character that's got a very big hold on me at the moment (along with her husband and her relationships with others) and no one in my real life actually watches HOTD for me to talk to them about it, and not in this detail! So Tumblr is a great place to really indulge in all that sort of thing, and get genuine debate and engagement from others who may be feeling the same way. And it's a creative outlet, as much as anything else, with the fic and the gifs and all of that. I really love it.

You're not late with me! And the good thing about Tumblr is that the internet is permanent. If you are interested in meta and thoughts and all that stuff, then you can search my blog. A lot of tagged with "bad meta" because I like being ironic, or else with the character name. And, honestly, I'm always happy to re-hash. You could come into my inbox any time.

I've always got something percolating, fic-wise, and, for being so lovely and nice, here's a longer extract of something - it's an AU in which, in Episode 01, Viserys summons Rhaenys over Rhaenyra, and offers the crown to her. A lot of the time, I do "what-ifs" to explore the politics and the interpersonal relationships. This one has been a doozy to actually finish because, as you can read, Rhaenys is basically thinking Viserys is out of his mind - that it can't be done:

I like writing Viserys and Rhaenys - the tragedy of that relationship. I don't do it often enough because, unfortunately, there will always be barriers preventing true honesty between them, which curbs any progress between them and a lot of opportunity for storytelling that's true to them.

There's always pain and distance despite deep love. This delves into that a little bit but because Viserys needs Rhaenys to see his earnestness, and they are in private, and he needs her to accept his plan (giving her the crown), the walls come down a bit. So, for example, in this, after this extract, Viserys actually asks her why she never had more children. And she's actually honest about it.

It's fun to explore. Asking yourself questions.

[noperopesaredope]

Clones Post War AU (An Order 66 Didn't Happen AU)

(I made a sideblog for this)

At the end of the Umbara Arc in Clone Wars, Rex said “We’re clones. If the war is over, what then?” I thought this was interesting, and I love me a good “Order 66 Never Happens AU” where the clones get a happy ending. So this is my take on not just what the clones might do after the war if it didn’t go the way it did, but also a speculative AU focused on what a potential post-war clone culture and society would look like. Might also add a bit of an overarching plot, but this is mainly focused on worldbuilding. Still, I did make an underlying plot, so I’ll share it at some point during the write outs.

It kind of became a bit of a beast and I’ll likely be adding new stuff all the time, so it might explore a lot more than what I initially planned and have a lot more plot/story stuff under the surface.

Part 1 (this post) will be covering the main plot of the AU/set-up the premise.

(This Post is Long, Ya'll)

Set-Up

The Discovery of Retteyo (or New Kamino)

So basically, at a certain point in the war, possibly a year or 2 in, an Acclamator-class assault ship with 15,000 clone troopers, a Jedi Master, their padawan, and 170 regular personnel crashed on a small, remote and unpopulated planet that was rarely visited: Retteyo. The Jedi Master perished in the crash, alongside 2,500 clone troopers and 150 of the regular personnel. This left the padawan, 12,500 clone troopers, and 20 regular personnel completely stranded on an unfamiliar planet. The vast majority of those on board may have survived, but most of the ship (or at least the most important parts) did not. They had no way of communicating with the Republic, no way of calling for help, nothing. It was a somewhat bleak situation with little hope for escape.

Still, they were all determined to survive, and so the padawan and a few of the higher ranking clones held an emergency “meeting” together and decided to prepare for a long term encampment. Retteyo was far from safe, with 17 of the regular personnel and 45 clone troopers all perishing in the first few weeks, but it wasn’t completely uninhabitable. In fact, it was quite habitable, just about as dangerous as some of the less safe locations on Earth. There weren’t a huge amount of dangerous animals or extreme climate/weather, unlike most other planets we see in canon.

Most of those who perished died of either infected wounds that hadn’t gotten treated soon enough, and others died while exploring unfamiliar and more dangerous terrain on foot. The group did not make the same mistakes twice, and eventually began to figure which areas were safe and which weren’t. The battalion managed to organize themselves enough to make plans for what they were going to do, and got to work on making a good liveable environment.

While a lot of the flying vehicles were unusable, many of the ground terrain vehicles still worked well enough, they just needed a bit of fixing up, which happened over the course of about a month or so as they gathered materials from the ship’s remains. This really helped them better navigate and settle on Retteyo, and they made a pretty well functioning camp, all things considered.

After the first year, the leaders of the group realized that this might be a permanent situation that could last years, and they started planning out a permanent settlement. They began taking apart the ship properly, and used both it and some of Retteyo’s natural resources to construct buildings.

A Plot Device

Due to the nature of this AU, I wanted to create a reason that clones would keep getting made even after the end of the war, since I want to make them a proper society and their own species in a way. So, here comes the big, dumb “this is purely for the plot and not important right now” thing. One day, during Year 2 of being on Retteyo, two clone trooper scouts ended up in some unfamiliar territory and discovered a field of strange, giant flowers about the size of a basket.

One of the clones ended up cutting himself on something, and the blood dropped into the center of one of the flowers. It closed, and began to glow, pulsing with energy, before opening up again, and a small baby was inside. It looked exactly like the clone trooper when they were a baby, and they showed it to their fellow trooper, who was shocked and amazed by this. They marked the field down on a map, and went back to base, where they showed everyone the baby and privately explained the situation to their commander.

Fast forward 3 years, and the war is nearing a close. Recently, the Republic has been having a bit of a problem. Well, a few problems. And all of them are centered around the clone troopers.

To explain the biggest problem, let’s talk numbers for a bit (I spent way too long on this).

Mama Mia, That’s a Lot of Clones!

It’s highly debated how many clones were created during the war, as they stated at the start of the war there were about 3 million units. This at first appears to be the amount of clone troopers, but then you realize it said units, not soldiers. We don’t know how big a unit is. Some say that it refers to a single squad, which is 5 soldiers. Others say that a “unit” is equivalent to the size of a company (US military), so about 250 soldiers or so. If it refers to the first option, the war would start with 15 million. If it refers to the second option, it would be 750 million, which is far too much in my opinion, so the first option is more likely. 

3 million is still on the table, since perhaps units could honestly just refer to individual clones, but they did say that 200,000 units were ready when Obi Wan arrived, and that’s not nearly enough for this particular war. So I’m going with 15 million.

We also know that the Senate ends up paying for 5 million more units, which is apparently extremely expensive and could push them into debt (then again, 5 million is a lot more than 3 million when you really think about it). If we go with the idea that a unit is 5 soldiers, then that’s 25 million soldiers.

It’s likely that they have also ordered more clones before, so let’s go on the lower end and say they’ve already ordered about 2 million units in total (1 million to 5 million would be too big of a jump). They probably wouldn’t order that many more clones after the 5 million units, or at least would order very few compared to that.

If we go with the idea that a unit is one soldier, that means that about 10 million clones were made during the course of the war (still feels like too few for me). If we go with the idea that a unit was 5 clones, that is 50 million clones in total, which feels a little big, but considering that the Republic controlled more than 1 million planets, I think that’s actually a pretty reasonable amount. If every planet had an equal number of clone troopers on it to protect it, they would only have about 50 soldiers for the entire goddamn planet. Taking into consideration that there would be plenty of planets that had no clone troopers due to not needing them, and other planets who had thousands of clone troopers, as well as the clones not guarding planets and actually just fighting the war, 50 million is pretty reasonable.

In many wars, less than 1% of soldiers die. One of the deadliest wars killed about 2% of soldiers. However, I will be EXTREMELY generous and say that 3% died in combat since this was such a crazy war and the clones were seen as very expendable. I’ll continue to be generous by saying 3% died of causes outside of combat, like disease or getting eaten by a giant worm, since we tend to see a lot of clones die in really weird/random ways and I feel like a lot of them died that way. This means that 5% of clone troopers died during the war. This isn’t even considering how many clones were still too young to be in combat. I’ll still count all of them as soldiers, which will still prove my point.

5% of 10 million is 500,000, so that would be 500,000 clone casualties (which feels WAY too small despite being on the bigger end of the spectrum) and 9.5 million clone survivors by the end of the war. 5% of 50 million is 2.5 million, so that would be 2.5 million clone casualties (feels about right) and 47.5 million clone survivors by the end of the war. I believe it’s the latter.

That is a fuck ton of people. Like, that is bigger than the population of Argentina. That is almost the population of the world in 1000 BCE. That is 14% of the population of the USA, which might not seem like much, but it’s still a lot. If you replaced 47.5 million people with clones, then 1 in every 168 people on Earth would be a clone. 47.5 million is probably bigger than the population of some planets in the Republic. It’s big.

And in this AU, since the Republic wasn’t exactly sure when the war would end, they ordered 500,000 more units a few months ago, so there are about 2.5 million more clones on the way, making the population of clones 50 million again, almost the size of Sudan and bigger than Spain. Again, a massive population. Also, since this is an AU, I could make it so the war lasted for a lot longer and a lot more clones were made, but I’m still going with the idea of the war lasting for 3 years (unless I want to change that up a little bit).

So now, the Republic has millions of clones who will have basically nowhere to go/nothing to do when the war ends. Some suggested they keep the clones as the official Republic army and spread them out to do stuff for the Republic, but that’s still not the best solution, and the biggest problem is that these mf will grow old at some point and not be able to fight anymore. And since they aren’t even dying in battle anymore (even when they were, it still kept their population pretty big), most of them will grow old. And they still have all these younger clones who might not get to fight in the war at all.

So they basically have a ton of clone troopers who they will have no use or place for unless they figure something out soon before the war ends.

The Whole Clone Thing is Weird

But this isn’t their only issue. I saw a post a while back wondering why nobody in the entire Senate questioned the ethics behind the existence/use of clone troopers and how they are essentially property of the Republic. I thought that was interesting, so I decided to implement that into the AU. While not many questioned the concept of clone troopers early on in the war, overtime, some civilians began raising concerns. 

One civilization (an original creation of mine) whose people were considered non-sentient only a couple of decades ago and used to be enslaved was deeply disturbed by the concept of creating living beings in order to force them to fight, conditioning them into serving the Republic and even altering their DNA to make them loyal.

A few other civilizations (also original creations) who are hiveminds (based on bees and ants and whatnot) ended up fighting alongside some clones, and quickly realized that they were individuals who saw each other as family and shared a deep connection with their fellow clones as a whole. Many of the bee and ant people saw themselves in the clones, and became almost offended at the way clones were talked about and treated as mindless robots just because they had the same DNA and looked the same.

There were also at least 2 civilizations who were disturbed on principle and disliked the use of clones not for personal reasons, but for general philosophical reasons and the basic fact that they think slavery is weird and gross, especially this kind.

These civilizations all ended up having multiple meetings together discussing the issue and their reservations, with a few even somewhat wanting to back out of the Republic out of disgust with the Republic’s actions and okay-ness with this. This was an underlying point of contention that could get extremely problematic soon.

Overtime, a movement around the rights of clone troopers began to pop up, and while it wasn't a huge problem for the Republic, it was becoming one, and they wouldn't be able to ignore it forever.

Clones Are Dissatisfied

On a related note, some clones have begun questioning their place in the Republic, especially after many heard about the Umbara incident. While it wasn't a conversation that was had out loud, some clones were becoming concerned and secretly wanted more autonomy. They weren't questioning their loyalty to the Republic by any means. Almost all of them, including the ones who were dissatisfied with things, were willing to fight and die for the Republic. They simply felt that perhaps they would like to be treated like people whose lives matter.

After all, while they were protected by most of the same laws as other sentient beings, they were still the legal property of the Republic. It’s also hard to say if they really had a choice to leave. While one might point to the episode The Deserter as proof they couldn’t leave, Rex did say that they took an oath, and real world militaries do hold similar standards once you’ve joined. However, it’s unclear whether this oath was truly voluntary, or just out of formality. 

Did any of the clones truly volunteer to join, or were they signed up at birth? While it would be extremely unlikely due to their programming, if a clone was in training and wanted to leave, could he? When is this oath taken? They start training from childhood, after all. They likely took it then, because when else would they? Can you really hold an oath like that against someone when they were essentially manipulated into taking it as a young child who probably didn’t know any better?

While the clone troopers appear to be held to the same standards as US military members, which isn’t quite as big of an issue, they are still property, and are essentially enslaved. They aren’t even paid for their work, merely provided for, and being given basic essentials is literally the bare minimum. We basically all know just how messed up the treatment of clone troopers is, and the clones agree. This is a problem for the Republic.

So, as a whole, the Republic is having some clone problems.

Retteyo Becomes a Thing

Around this point, a fleet of Republic ships end up going to Retteyo, and there, they discover the blossoming civilization of (mostly) clones. They are all shocked, the fleet admiral quickly contacts the important Republic people, explaining the situation. At first, this doesn't seem great. But the Senate realizes that this could solve their issues regarding the remaining clones. So they decide to let the formerly-stranded group remain there and prepare the planet for a bigger colonization. While the main focus right now is the war, they shall be making plans to turn the planet into a new home for the clones once the war ends.

Eventually, as the war comes to a close, the Senate announces the new plan with Retteyo to the whole Republic. It’s a bit controversial, but I’ll get into all that in another post. Because the Jedi were once peacekeepers/ambassadors and they worked closely with the clones, they were designated to help with this operation. They would help this new society develop/prepare it for the arrival of new clones while also helping all the rest of the clones transition to this new planet. 

Due to pressure from the clone rights planets, the Senate eventually decided to give the clones rights and declared them no longer property of the Republic. Now, they were free sentients and citizens of the Republic.

At a certain point in the process, as many of the clones arrived on Retteyo and settled in, certain discussions were had amongst the clones as a whole, and the major clones in charge created a proposal: Retteyo becoming a sovereign nation. This was a bit controversial, but after a lot of tense discussion and complications and political BS, the Republic Senate agreed.

It would be a pretty big process and the Retteyans would need to start actually forming a government and their own society. It was a pretty big task in the grand scheme, but the clones eventually became more self-sufficient at creating their society. They did need help with creating new buildings and having everyone settle in, but the clones didn't actually need much help with developing things like systems of government and bureaucracy. Not every clone was good at that stuff, but some clones managed to put something together everyone could agree on.

Overtime, this society flourished, gaining its own spot in the Senate after a few years and becoming a fully recognized society.

As younger generations of clones grew older (basically while some of this stuff was going on), they began to realize that one day, all the clones might die out, especially since Kamino kind of cut them off and Retteyo probably could afford it anyway. The idea of losing their entire civilization was horrifying, and the whole Prox Flower was revealed. While it wasn't the same as Kaminoan cloning stuff, it would be able to keep their population afloat. So a massive program/government branch was started to continue populating Retteyo and keeping their culture/civilization alive.

Underlying Plot

While this AU mainly focuses on just describing the evolving culture of the clones and their new planet, I think there is definitely an underlying plot within it that I mention in subtle ways. I may even use OCs to tell more about this plot as a whole, especially in case I want to make a fanfic for it all. It’s hard to leave out this plotline, so I decided to write it out as part of all this.

One of the major underlying conflicts in this AU is the generational gap between clones. In a way, there are sub-generations, but there are 3 primary generations covered in this AU. 

Gen Vet

Gen 1, also known as the “Gen Vet”, is the generation of clones who were actually able to fight in the war and see the conflict, or were at least old enough to do so. This generation is split into two primary parts: The oldest gen, who were made and trained before the war even began, and the younger gen, who received training from the Jedi and thus have a slightly different perspective on personhood. It’s like that post where

Gen Trainee

Gen 2, also known as “Gen Trainee”, is the generation of clones born on Kamino who never got the chance to participate in the war. There’s also a slight split in the generation as a whole. 3 splits, in fact. For example, the older Gen 2 are slightly more likely to side with Gen 1 and relate to younger Gen 1, since they were almost a part of Gen 1. 

The middle Gen 2 are more rebellious and have unique opinions on the whole situation, and while they grew up with Kamino training and were raised under that type of environment, they are able to stray from the mindset more and have opinions slightly similar to that of Fives, where they hold certain loyalties and a militant mindset, but also believe in standing up for themselves and being their own people. 

The youngest Gen 2 are those who were toddlers/babies when the war ended and don’t remember much of anything about Kamino or have that particular militant mindset, but are aware that they were the last clones created by Kamino, and thus have a small superiority complex over Gen 3. Most of Gen 3 does not care, though.

Gen 2 is probably the most diverse and unique of the 3 primary generations, having a variety of different perspectives on things, but many are more progressive.

Gen Rebirth

Gen 3, aka “Gen Rebirth”, is the generation of clones born on Retteyo. Some are technically the same age as the youngest clones of Gen 2, but are considered different as a generation. They are the older of Gen 3. The younger of Gen 3 are all born after Retteyo becomes independent.

Gen 3 is the most distant from the war era of the Retteyans, and thus may not have the same values and beliefs as them, but various values have been passed down nonetheless.

~~~~~

I may add more details on the plot later, particularly the underlying plot, but that's all I have for now. Next post will be out some point soon!