#Zhao Ying

[a-student-out-of-time]

The Eternal Endings Cast and History: The Down-Timers

//Hey everyone, Mod Bubbles here! I bring you some more of My Thoughts.

//Having gone through Danganronpa: Eternal Endings with my friend Timeline Anon, I can say it's one of the most unique and interesting fangans we've seen thus far. We had no idea how it would work, but somehow it really seems like it can.

//One thing that really piques my interest isn't just that the cast is in the afterlife, but the fact that all of them come from very different points in history. That's something I think is worth speculating on, especially with how it may play into their characters, both in terms of their places in history and the context from where they're from.

//There have always been small historical tidbits in DR, both canon and fangan, but Eternal Endings is the first one I've seen that specifically has real-world events playing a role here. Our protagonist, Krystal Willard, died in 2021, specifically referencing how the travel restrictions imposed during the height of the Pandemic were being lifted.

//This game specifically doesn't take place in the same timeline as the Hope's Peak saga, since the founder of the talent program is another figure altogether, but I thought it would be interesting to examine the eras each of them are from.

//As a bit of shorthand, I also decided to borrow some terminology from Eric Flint's Ring of Fire series (a great book series btw), where people from the past are referred to as "Down-Timers" and people from the present/future are "Up-Timers."

//This also just gives me a chance to talk about history, which I enjoy doing : P

//So, without further ado, let's get into it.

THE DOWN-TIMERS:

Zhao Ying (1903-1932)

Hailing from the furthest back in time is Zhao, a personal favorite of mine, who was the Ultimate Singer. Just from that time frame, she would've been around for the end of the Qing Dynasty, the Warlord Era, the rise of the Nationalist Government and the very early stages of the Second Sino-Japanese War and World War II. Just days before her death- on February 18th 1932- the Imperial Japanese conquered Manchuria and established the puppet state of Manchukuo.

There's also a bit of an anachronism with the PRC's flag being there, given that the design wasn't adopted until 1949, but that's probably for the benefit of a modern audience.

Anyway, Zhao is an entertainer and doesn't really make a lot of commentary on these conflicts. She's a singer, a dancer, and an actress, and had an upcoming role before her death. This is very interesting because the 1920s and 30s represented the emergence of cinema in China. The Burning of the Red Lotus Temple, a 16-part box office hit, was released between 1928-1931 and represents one of the first martial arts action films, but has sadly been lost to time.

Zhao was more than likely a silent film star, although 1931 brought the first Chinese sound film, Sing-Song Girl Red Peony, so it's possible her voice has been recorded as well. If I had to guess, Zhao probably lived around Shanghai, given that it was the center of the Chinese entertainment industry in this era.

One of the most overlooked aspects of Chinese history is that, while China itself was never colonized, it was forced to make Concessions to outside powers. These were pieces of territory in major cities like Shanghai, which were effectively enclaves of foreign territory that were exempt from Chinese law and provided a foothold for European Empires, America, and even Japan to exert influence and trade.

A byproduct of this is that many gangs and secret societies were allowed to operate with impunity in the Concessions, which resulted in prostitution, drug dealing and gambling being quite common. This probably explains why Zhao isn't a fan.

However, the saddest thing about the losses in Zhao's life? She was a mother.

Given that the photo says 1932, this had to be around January or Early February, meaning Zhao's boy, Wang Wei, couldn't have been more than 2 or 3. In-story, she's in tears over leaving her son behind and wonders if he'll even remember her.

Not to make the hurt worse, but given that Shanghai would be occupied by the Japanese Empire from 1937-1945...well, I'm going to hope that the poor kid and the rest of her family made it out.

Earnest Mikkola (1910-1945)

Speaking of World War II, Earnest would've been around for it and its prequel. Essentially the Indiana Jones figure of this setting, Earnest was a worldwide reputation as an explorer, having discovered new animals, plants and even civilizations. His expeditions took him quite a ways around the world, but it's his death that catches my attention.

See, Earnest is Finnish. I've seen some people worried that this means he was one the side of the Axis during the war, but this is a misunderstanding. See, just months after the Invasion of Poland, Finland was on the receiving end of an ultimatum from Stalin. Because he felt the border was too close to Leningrad (today St. Petersburg), he demanded Finland hand over some land to provide a buffer zone or else. The Finns said no, obviously, and thus began the Winter War.

To put it simply, while the Soviets ultimately got what they wanted, the Finns gave them a pretty bloody nose in the process. In just three and a half months, the Soviets suffered over five times as many casualties as the Finns and their international reputation suffered worse.

The conflict was also ultimately pointless, as Finland- while it didn't side with Germany- formed what was an alliance of convenience. When Operation Barbarossa took place, the Finns actually occupied much of the Karelia peninsula, even more than they had before. This lasted until 1944.

That's when Finland pulled an Uno reverse card and sided against Germany, starting the Lapland War, where the Finnish military tried to push all Axis forces out of their borders, and this lasted until April 1945, just a month before victory in Europe was declared.

How does this relate to Earnest? I guess it depends on where he was during the Lapland War, whether he was at home or elsewhere in the world, and whose side he was ultimately in favor of. Could that be why he was poisoned? It remains to be seen.

Yun Jung-Hoon (1936-1952)

Continuing with the war trend, here we have the first one to ask a historical question: local fly boy Yun. Even just from the patch on his shoulder, I could tell what his deal probably was before Krystal even spoke with him.

Sure enough, Yun here was a pilot in the Korean War. For those who don't know, Korea- which had been occupied by Japan since 1910- was divided along the 38th parallel North after World War II. The Soviets occupied by the north and established a communist government, led by Kim Il-Sung, while the Americans occupied the south and established a non-communist government lead by Syngman Rhee.

If you're only familiar with the North/South divide in the modern day, this is where it began. In the Spring of 1950, Kim lead an invasion to unify the country under communist rule, and because the South was militarily weak at the time, he thought it would be easy and conquered all the way down to an area called the Pusan Perimeter. Of course, America and a United Nations coalition force arrived to push them out.

They managed to push their way up to the northern border, where it seemed possible to conquer the North...only for the newly-established People's Republic of China to send hundreds of thousands of troops to support the North. They pushed the front lines south, where it stagnated around the 38th parallel for the next three years.

Based on his death date, if he died in battle, I'm guessing it was either in the First Battle of Hook or The Battle of Triangle Hill.

Yun also asks Krystal about the outcome of the war, but he decides he doesn't want to know and instead says he needs time to mentally prepare himself. I can't say I blame him, given that the war he died in was ultimately just a stalemate and technically never really ended.

Oumar Dembélé (1939-1969)

Another personal favorite of mine, Oumar is hilariously melodramatic, but also quite empathetic and emotionally-conscious dude. He's a relationship counselor and a published author, which is very interesting.

Oumar is Malian, and with that time frame, he would've been born when the country was under French colonial rule. At the time, Mali was called "French Sudan" and was ruled as part of French West Africa, a federation of eight colonies in the region. Mali and Senegal both achieved independence as the Federation of Mali on June 20th, 1960, although their status as a federation only lasted two months.

Even under French rule, there was a considerable divide between Northerners, particularly the Tuareg people, and Southerners. Under independence, the country's first president, Modibo Keïta, moved quickly to establish a single-party state, nationalized a great deal of services, and withdrew from the French Community in favor of closer ties to the Eastern Bloc, although economic problems lead to them rejoining the Franc Zone in 1967. He would later be deposed in a coup the following year.

This doesn't mean Oumar would've stayed in Mali, of course. In fact, I get the impression he probably moved to someplace like France to become as prominent as he had. This probably would've come in the wake of the Algiers War, when France saw many years of economic growth.

Oumar's death is also equally interesting and horrifying to consider, given that he was specifically crushed in a small venue.

This was a case of human crush injury. This is when a crowd of people is so tightly packed together (4–5 people per square meter/2.5 square feet per person), there's no room for them to move or even breathe.

The 1989 Hillsborough Disaster is a pretty infamous example of that, where 72,841 people compacted together in a stadium designed to hold just under 40,000. The result? 766 people were injured, 94 died and another 3 later died of injures they received. The crowd was so packed that even people who had died were still held up through the pressure.

Personal space is important.

Bonnie Clark (1959-1978)

And here's Bonnie, easily the saddest character in the game and I can't blame her at all. Out of all the Down-Timers, she's the one we actually learn the most about in her introduction. She has the vibes of an all-American girl, with a very fitting accent and everything.

She had a friend group that she frequently went to the arcade with, and she worked at a place called Don's Diner. How do we know? Krystal finds a picture.

"Now disgraced" in this context likely refers to Bonnie's untimely death. If any of you are familiar with the Terrible "Accident" PSA on workplace safety, you can probably imagine what happened. It's easily one of the most horrific ways to go, not gonna lie ^^;

Beyond that, there's not too much to really say with her in terms of historical context, given that she's a pretty archetypal small town girl, albeit much more pessimistic than many other examples. That could relate to how the 1970s were a difficult time for America, both economically and socially, due to factors like OPEC's oil embargo due to the Yom Kippur War.

That being said, it was still a time of significant social, scientific and technological progress, although for a teenager trying to make end's meet, that probably would've been a small comfort.

On a much lighter note, Bonnie got to enjoy some of the classic video games of the era: Pong, Space Invaders, Breakout, Death Race, Asteroids, Galaxian and many others.

Fernando Gomes (1958-1984)

And here we have our local himbo, Fernando. He's a pretty laid-back dude and his bio states that, while he's attained worldwide fame for his surfing skills, he prefers to stick around his home town and stay in the lifeguard job he's had since he was a teenager.

Even if you know history, it's almost easy to forget while talking to him that Fernando would've spent most of his life under a military dictatorship.

The Fifth Brazilian Republic, which was established after a coup on April 1st, 1964, was a brutally repressive government. Strong anti-communist policies, hard-line conservatism, political repression, mass censorship, curtailment of freedom of speech and the widespread killing, torturing and deporting of dissidents were all commonplace, particularly in the 70s.

So common, in fact, that the decade between 1968 and 1978 is also called the "Years of Lead."

Despite this, Brazil adopted a highly diversified and developmentalist economic model that helped boost their economy, and they developed the slogan "Brazil: Love it or Leave it." Fernando, ironically, seemed to adhere to that slogan given his love for his hometown.

Of course, Brazil would eventually return to democracy, but Fernando would fatally hit his head on a rock before he could see it happen.

Sonechka Morozova (1978-1996)

And another favorite of mine, Soneckha is our local magical weirdo, whose predictions of the future have been far more accurate than chance would suggest. She's also not disappointed that she's dead, but rather than she didn't end up as Queen of Hell like she wanted.

She's also very interesting in that, while she doesn't seem to play well with others, she'll respect you if you respect her in return, such as not giving her a nickname and understanding what a soothsayer is.

Timeline-wise, Sonechka would've been around for the latter days of the Soviet Union, the Chernobyl Disaster, the collapse of communist rule over Eastern Europe, the independence of the Russian Federation, the 1993 Constitutional Crisis and the First Chechen War.

It's not hard to see how, given that she has the ability to predict the future to a supernatural degree, she likely saw these events, and watching them play out probably shaped a lot about her personality and outlook.

My biggest question is how she wound up dying of hypothermia in the middle of the summer, as July is actually the warmest month in the country.

Petra Nightingale (1987-2006)

First introduced as "Scene Kid," Petra is definitely someone whose design would grab your attention. Her talent was a bit of a surprise to me, but her attitude, not to mention her sweet personality, really make her well-suited to caring for seniors.

Petra is English and would've been a 90's kid, so her time might've been spent with things like classic shows, crisp packets with prizes in them, Mr. Blobby and that time when the console wars were between Nintendo and Sega.

In terms of social and political history, the 90s saw the end of Margaret Thatcher's time as prime minister, the restoration of relations with Argentina after the Falkland War, the latter half of the Mad Cow Disease scandal and the Good Friday Agreement that brought an end to the Troubles.

Petra also mentions she's from Brighton, and during her childhood, she would've seen the city become much more prominent, which resulted in housing prices going up and a lot of people moving away. Would that have influenced her decision to start caring for seniors who couldn't afford to move.

I think the most interesting part to consider is that, as a senior caregiver, Petra has probably met a lot of veterans from Britain's various conflicts, from both World Wars to the various colonial conflicts to maybe even people who were in conflict with the IRA during the early days of the Troubles.

Not that I think it would've made Petra a judgemental person, as she seems very nice, but someone so young and very clearly quite lonely could have had her worldview shaped quite a bit by vets from these conflicts. I just think it's interesting to consider.

Vivian Wright (1966-2015)

Finally, the most recent Down-Timer and one from an era most of us are familiar with, Vivan was a Canadian teacher who was killed in a car accident. She's actually the first one Krystal meets after arriving, and we see that, while Viv is pretty nice, she also definitely has those anger issues.

I think most of us know what she would've been around to witness just before her death, but in terms of her adolescence, she would've been around for things such as Trudeaumania, civil rights for the First Nations, the many political tensions within Quebec and Terry Fox's famous attempt to run cross-country.

As the Ultimate Teacher, Viv probably has a lot to share on these topics, and I think it's interesting to consider how she could potentially be the one to help her fellow Down-Timers accommodate to the discoveries that came after their deaths. It's an interesting possibility.

//So there you go, some historical context for each of our Down-Timers, which I think could potentially play a role in their characters, arcs and motivations in the story. It's understandable that a lot of them probably have values that we today wouldn't agree with, but the same could be said of us and the Up-Timers, who deserve their own essay as well.

//This is also my way of saying "Go check out Eternal Endings, it's genuinely interesting and I want to see more!" : P

[high-quality-tiktoks]

🤷‍♂️publishing can’t ask us to write bestsellers for them on no money

[la-muerta]

the demons of 大梦归离 Fangs of Fortune + their true forms as recorded in 《山海经 The Classic of the Mountains and Seas》

--

《山海经》 is a compilation of mythic geography and beasts and was believed to have been written during the Warring States period (475–221 BC) of China's history, although the authorship is contested and the current version was probably revised and edited in the Han Dynasty. Fangs of Fortune derives much of its lore from this book, including the physical descriptions of creatures and the battle between Ying Long and Bing Yi and the relationship between characters like Li Lun and Ying Zhao.

The illustrations used in this gifset are a more modern rendition by the artists 杉澤 and 李堃 (who drew Bing Yi).

[shijiujun]

In which it takes the whole damn village to help Boss Ning kiss his girl, and it pays to have friends like Yu Shisan (most of the time)

A JOURNEY TO LOVE 一念关山 (2023) | EP 12

[stayuntilthefoglifts]

"If there is no red thread binding us together, I'll grab a string and do it myself, loop it twice around our wrists, tie it with a knot, and a kiss for good measure. Fate has no business telling me who to love. I've been yours since we met."

[traeumenvonbuechern]

Queer Books To Read If You Love "Percy Jackson"

Excited about the new Percy Jackson series? Read these books!

Book titles:

The Sunbearer Trials by Aiden Thomas

Zachary Ying and the Dragon Emperor by Xiran Jay Zhao

Cameron Battle and the Hidden Kingdoms by Jamar J. Perry

Juniper Harvey and the Vanishing Kingdom by Nina Varela

Ring of Solomon by Aden Polydoros

Tiger Honor by Yoon Ha Lee

[ladynamie]

The Legend of Shen Li 与凤行 (2024) | Episode 38

[xiaobaosnoona]

@asiandramanet creator bingo - colors

[highlynerdy]

I have the power of creation, so I should sacrifice my life and become the stars. It's my duty. And my honor. And once one star is lit, all the rest will follow. Let me be the first.

Fangs of Fortune / 大梦归离

[movielosophy]

Fangs of Fortune | Prison break.

[melodious-tear]

the squad + last words

[mutantfactor]

Fangs of Fortune 𓆩𓆪 Zhuo Yichen & Zhao Yuanzhou

"It seems we're okay now, but I don't think he is." "Leave it to me."

Bonus: A look even the most powerful demon is afraid of

[ladyloveandjustice]

My Favorite Books I Read in 2023

I read a ton of good novels last year- 36 in all (and uh, 78 manga/graphic novels, but we'll examine that in another post). Here's a link to my Goodreads year in books (the manga is at the beginning, the novels start with Siren Queen) and my storygraph wrap up.  

I reread a ton of Discworld this year, and it's as spectacular as ever. But what about new reads?

Well, here are my favorite books I read in 2023!

In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado

This is an autobiographical memoir about the abusive relationship the author went through with her ex-girlfriend. It's absolutely gut-wrenching, and at times, achingly beautiful. Machado uses the house she shared with her girlfriend, which she calls the "dream house", as a back drop. It's a place she always wanted and also a place she became trapped in, Machado's language is beautiful as she explores the relationship from different lenses-- The Dream House as Lesbian Cult Classic, the Dream House as Noir, the Dream House as Creature Feature, the Dream House as Stoner Comedy....All facets of the relationship are explored in a way that grips you by the throat and makes you remember everyone who ever tried to suffocate you-- but it also explores the hard work of moving on, of picking up the pieces, of living and embracing tenderness along with hardship.

I especially related to Machado's struggle to talk about abuse between queer lovers because of her fears of giving homophobes more ammunition...and when she says "we deserve to have our wrongdoing represented as much as our heroism, because when we refuse wrongdoing as a possibility for a group of people, we refuse their humanity", I felt that deeply.

This wasn't just one of my favorite books this year, it goes on the list of all-time favorite books. I wish I had this kind of writing style. I'll be returning to this again and again.

Zachary Ying and the Dragon Emperor by Xiran Jay Zhao

A middle-grade novel about a Chinese-American teen who feels a bit alienated from his heritage, which becomes a bit of an issue once he finds out the First Emperor of China has possessed his A.R. Gaming Headset. Now he needs to close a portal to the underworld with the help of other kids possessed by emporers.

This was a whole lot of fun, and often quite poignant. I was unsure if I could really enjoy middle-grade books as an adult, and this absolutely proves I can. There's a lot of really interesting Chinese history blended with action-packed fantasy, and exploration of the complicated feelings a kid can have about their own heritage . The dynamic between Zachary and Qin Shi Huang was so entertaining with the Emperor being villainous, heroic, charismatic, detestable-- and Zachary realizing how his complicated feelings about him mirror his relationship with his culture at large. There was also a lot of fun with other historical figures, and Xiran's take on Wu Zetian is a joy. (Also, if you like Yu-Gi-Oh!, you'll probably like this, since Xiran says it was one of their influences).

Camp Damascus by Chuck Tingle

Rose is young woman who's raised in a fundamentalist Christian household, and she's a devout, obedient daughter. But some weird things are happening. She's seeing a terrifying demon everywhere, insects are coming out of her mouth....and she's possibly having feelings about other girls. What's going on?

Yes, this is by the Chuck Tingle who makes all those Tinglers. But THIS one... will make you tingle with fear! It's a great horror novel! It's skin-crawlingly creepy at times, but also does a great job digging into how fundamentalist dogma harms queer people, and the hypocrisy of such beliefs. The conversion camp aspect is handled tastefully, and overall it was a great spooky read that's also ultimately very affirming, cathartic, and hopeful.

Qualia the Purple by Hisamitsu Ueo

You might go into this thinking it's just a quirky yuri light novel about a schoolgirl and her crush who sees everyone around her as robots (like literally, when she looks at someone she sees a robot instead of a human). But it quickly becomes surreal queer psychological horror steeped in absolutely wild applications of quantum mechanics and thought-provoking time travel.  Some of the quantum mechanics  exposition dumps were a bit much but I deeply enjoyed having my mind cracked open by this book. 

It's one of the most interesting takes of time loop stories I've seen. But it definitely covers a lot of rough subject matter, including a relationship with a serious age gap and extremely messed up relationships, so be cautious if you have triggers.

Our Wives Under the Sea by Julia Armfield

This book follows Miri, whose wife goes missing on a deep-sea submarine mission for six months. Miri thought her wife dead, but she miraculously returns one day...but her wife has changed. She's like a stranger. She may have bought the horrors of the sea home with her.

This is a gripping exploration of grief and loss combined with a delicious, slow horror that creeps under your skin. There's excellent Lovecraftian and body horror elements to the novel, but it works very effectively as a metaphor for a loved one going through trauma, and a relationship starting to crumble because everything seems different. A moment that really stuck out to me is when Miri copes with her wife's disappearance by frequenting an online community where women roleplay as wives with husbands missing in space. The way the online drama of the community interacted with her grief was  both funny and heartbreaking. 

This is another example of a book that makes me deeply jealous with its lyrical writing, and another one for the ever-lengthening all time favorites list.

Otherside Picnic Volume 8: Accomplices No More by Iori Miyazawa

The latest entry in a series about two girls exploring an alternate dimension full of creepypasta monsters, while also falling in love with each other. See my other reviews here and here.

This volume has the payoff to a lot of careful character work and relationship building, and it was completely satisfying. In fact, it was...show-stopping. Spectacular.  Incredible. I loved the exploration of how love, sex, and romance are so different for different people and it's impossible to put it in neat boxes. The frank and messy conversation our leads have about their relationship was perfect and so was that absolutely  bonkers, wonderful finale. This is another one for the all times favorite list, and I loved it so much I wrote a extremely long review/recap here. 

Queer Ducks (and Other Animals): The Natural World of Animal Sexuality by Eliot Schrefer

This was a well-researched, well-crafted, easy to read book that explores queerness (mainly homosexuality, bisexuality, trans and genderfluid expressions in animals, and even the question of if and how animals can related to gender) in the animal kingdom. Though it's definitely aimed at teens, I learned a lot from it (who knew female bonobos were such life goals) and it presented its information in a fun way. It included some interesting examinations of how proof of homosexuality and bisexuality in animals was historically suppressed and filtered through homophobic assumptions. If you want to learn a little animal science in an accessible format, definitely check this out.

Night’s Edge by Liz Kerin

The story follows Mia, a woman in her 20's living with her vampire mother. Her whole life revolves around not drawing suspicion towards her Mom. She also has to make sure to feed her Mom some of her blood every night--lest her mother fall back in with her abusive boyfriend and start hunting humans.  But when Mia meets a cute girl, she starts to dream of living her own life...

It was a really interesting use of vampirism as a metaphor for both living with a parent struggling with addiction and having an abusive parent. It's just a well-told, heartwrenching tale that got deep into the character's mindsets. I thought the ending was bit abrupt and rushed, but it did make more sense once I realized this was the first in a duology. It's a fascinating take on vampires, and I'm interested in seeing more.

The Adventures of Amina al-Sirafi by Shannon Chakraborty

This novel follows a middle-aged Muslim female pirate living around the Arabian Peninsula. She's supposed to be in retirement, but wouldn't you know it, she's lured in for one last job! I she rescues a kidnapped girl,  she'll have all the riches she needs to set her family up for life. So Amina begins her adventure of fighting demons and monsters and ex-husbands. But the job might not be all it seems.

This novel is full of all the entertaining swashbuckling action and shenanigans that any pirate story should have. It's a rollicking good time, and feeds my craving for middle aged women going on quests and kicking ass. Amina's journey is a fun, wild ride full of dynamic characters and interesting mythology!

Yellowface by R.F. Kuang

Juniper is friends with a successful Chinese-American author, Athena Liu, and has always been deeply jealous of her. When Athena dies in front of her, Juniper decides to steal her manuscript rooted in Chinese history and claim it as her own. But plagiarism might catch up with her...

This is a strong example of a book I thought was really well-done, but one I'm probably never going to read again. The way it depicted Twitter drama is just too accurate and I got anxiety. It did such a good job putting you in Juniper's awful shoes so you can feel the pressure close in along with her. The book's commentary on the insidious racism of the publishing industry was effective, and it made a horrible character's journey fascinating to follow. I was so intrigued yet anxious I had to force myself to finish the last few pages.

Bonus read:

Legends and Lattes by Travis Baldtree

A very cute novel about an orc named Viv who decides to retire from the violent life of a bounty hunter and run a coffee shop instead. She ends up getting a lot of assistance from a succubus named Tandri...and my, is that a slow-burn coffee shop romance brewing? This book reminds me a lot of various cozy slice-of-life anime, and it's nice to be getting more of that feeling in book form. I wish there was a little more specific to the fantasy world rather than making it a coffee shop that line up 1 to 1 to a modern day shop, but it was definitely a sweet read.

[caramel1mochi]

One Hazy Winter [Iso x F! Reader] [End]

[ Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 ]

Genre: Angst, fluff ‎ 

Words: 3k ‎ 

Synopsis: One winter before his disappearance, you told your boyfriend Yu about a question you’ve had for so long; one even he could hardly respond to. It took many more hopeless winters for you to finally have your answer.‎ 

Note: Please don't copy or steal my work and pass it off as your own! If you'd like to use one of my headcanons or something, I'd love it if you tagged or asked.

We're done with Iso!! As per the vote, I'm moving on to Yoru once everything's ready. And man is he as painful to write as I remember haha

‎

。+❤ฺ·。❤ฺ·。+❤ฺ· +❤·。❤ฺ·。+❤ฺ·

Spring, present day.

ㅤㅤ

It took you a long while to decide on whether that was one of the worst or best months of your life.

On one hand, you came back with a quarter of the harvest you were supposed to get, and you had to wait for a while until your lemon trees would bear fruit once more. That, and working with only thirteen lemons turned out to be much more difficult than you thought when it comes to baking.

And on the other hand, it was fun attempting to come up with workarounds with Ying. That, and you woke up the next morning with a new sensation that wrapped around you like a clingy lover. And it wasn't anything like the miserable pessimism you hauled around, or like the apathy that…

No, no. It was apathy. 

But a more positive kind of apathy. One that beckoned you to come to terms with many dilemmas in your mind. One of them being that winter was just... winter. A season. And like every other season, it had its ups and downs. It wasn't some omnipresent being out to get you, or whatever.

And quite frankly, this apathy was the best feeling you've ever had in a long... well, in your entire life. You woke up looking forward to the day, with a desire to actually get things going.

And that's exactly what you did.

You spent the past three months selling those plants back in your apartment at that nursery, you made friends with that lady who recommended you do such a thing, and now you were back at Yu’s house to check in on your growing orange trees. Heck, Yu’s neighbours even started greeting you whenever you came by.

They definitely saw you carrying the baskets of fruit and wanted some. Maybe you should use this wealthy neighbourhood to your advantage, you mused.

ㅤ

Ying called you earlier and mentioned discussing the state of her café with you since she had ‘more important matters to get to’. And you didn’t really mind, despite still being a mere barista, but she said she’d discuss the details by afternoon… But the location? Yeah, she promised she’d get back to you on that after she’d decided.

You moved down the short corridor, your eyes taking a moment to adjust to the strong rays that poured through the windows of the doors. The darkness around you did not help ease the pain of such a bright light. But even then, you wrapped your free hand around the handle and forced the door open, allowing the brightness to finally balance itself out.

You noticed something yellow out of the corner of your eye. And you would’ve dismissed it if you hadn’t turned to look at what it was. It was… inside the basket. There was one Meyer lemon, probably from that harvest months ago that the two of you missed. It kind of made sense that you’d forget it. You haven’t really visited this house after that day, not with the ongoing streak of snowstorms. And, you know, Ying’s persistence on keeping you safe.

Your thoughts were interrupted by the buzzing of a nearby mosquito. And immediately, you dropped the watering can and crushed the bug, instantly killing it. Now that you considered it, the one good thing about winter was the lack of annoying insects. That, and the fact it helped plants rejuvenate after a harvest, and that it kept earth’s temperature in check, and… 

No, nevermind. You didn’t want to be warming up to winter. Pun intended.

You moved back towards your growing orange trees and observed their shape for a moment. And like the row of lemon trees right behind them, they looked as otherworldly as they were. The white flowers on it looked even prettier under the sunlight’s strong glare. Much prettier than in the winter, but they both had their charm. Super photogenic.

Just as you grabbed the watering can up from the ground, your phone vibrated with an embarrassingly loud ringtone, and you pulled it out of your pocket only to discover that Ying was calling. At the worst time as well, you thought as you answered and held up the device to your ear.

ㅤ

"Hi."

ㅤ

"Y/N, I've decided!"

ㅤ

Her voice took you by surprise more than the ensemble of loud chirping birds around you.

ㅤ

"Decided?"

ㅤ

"We're going to meet up on the bridge. Do you remember it?"

ㅤ

You kept the phone held up against your ear with your shoulder, grabbing one branch and gently pushing it aside so that the water from your can could reach every crevice of the tree.

ㅤ

"The bridge...?"

ㅤ

"Yes! I was told it looks ethereal in the spring, and it truly does! Ah, and it's closer to the train station than I thought. We can use it as a landmark for when we leave. What do you think?"

ㅤ

You continued watering in silence for a moment. It looks ethereal in the spring? Who the heck told her that?

Whatever, it wasn’t your job to question everything.

ㅤ

"That can work. When do I come by?"

ㅤ

"Actually, I'm already here."

ㅤ

You immediately stopped watering.

ㅤ

"Already? Ying, the least you could've done was give me a heads up."

ㅤ

“I’m sorry, but I have something scheduled for sundown! I’ll see you there, okay? I promise you, it’ll be worth it!”

ㅤ

She closed the call before you could retort.

She was probably going to promote you or straight up just hand you the café. What with how busy she was starting to get and how much she disappeared, it wouldn’t surprise you if it turned out to be actually that. You didn’t really mind taking control of the café, now that you thought about it… Oh, but the idea of dealing with your co-workers’ minute problems sounded like pure torture.

You sighed and continued watering your plants in silence, quickening your pace so that you’d be able to make it to her in time.

ㅤ

ㅤ

It took you a while, but eventually, you made it. And the only guidance you used was the pitter patter of the children’s feet as they ran around and cackled, alongside the melodic chirping of the birds. The bus left a trail of smoke as it sped off, but this one mild inconvenience was immediately drowned out by the sight before you.

Ying was right, the place looked like paradise on Earth now that it was spring.

The waters were crystal clear, the trees were full of life and the grass on the ground vibrated with an enigmatic amount of cheerfulness. Almost like they were harmoniously swaying to a tune you couldn’t hear. Had someone taken a picture of this place, you would’ve convinced yourself it was just editing and that there was no way Earth would look like this.

But it did, you mused as you approached the bridge.

It didn’t take long for you to arrive at a comfortable spot and rest your arms on the warm railing. Thankfully, despite your short height, the railings weren’t too tall and your loose clothes allowed you maximum flexibility to peer through to catch a glimpse of the waters. Short enough for you to be able to comfortably lean on it, but not so short children could fall down.

Your eyes were firmly fixated on the lake. And for the first time in so long, you felt... content.

You still didn't know what your goal in life was. You still didn't know why you should keep going, among many other questions like that. But all you knew was that the path your life headed in... Well, you didn’t want to change anything about it.

What would tomorrow look like? You pondered with a fond smile, holding up the Meyer lemon just above the lake and allowing the sun's light to shine in on it. And it beamed. It beamed with celestial beauty unfathomable to the human mind. 

This was your harvest.

You put down the lemon with an even wider smile and stared at the lake instead, the fish that swam by. Tomorrow sounded amazing, now that you thought about it.

And you looked forward to it.

ㅤ

"Y/N?"

ㅤ

A soft voice promptly came up from behind you. You sighed and stuffed the lemon back into your pockets, before turning around to meet her gaze.

ㅤ

"What took you so long? I thought you were in a hurry–"

ㅤ

The moment you locked gazes with a familiar pair of lilac eyes, your breathing hitched, and time stood still. 

It took a moment to comprehend that this person wasn’t Ying. It wasn’t Ying at all. It was… You felt your heart drop as you rapidly looked the figure up and down.

Broad shoulders, purple eyes, black hair, tall stature…

It was Yu. He stood only a few feet away from you; and he donned a meticulously designed hoodie with collars tall enough to conceal the lower portion of his face. One you had never seen before.

The words were lodged in your throat. Scratch that, no, your mind went completely blank, and the world felt like it started breaking apart.

ㅤ

“Yu…”

ㅤ

"Y/N, I..." He took a step forward, the floorboards audibly creaking under his weight. "I'm so sorry."

ㅤ

His voice had a sombre undertone. Slight and drowned out by the mirth that surrounded the both of you, but it was still telling. It was one that successfully let you know that he drowned in regret, all without saying a single word.

And yet, you still weren't sure how to feel about this. Sad? Happy? Furious? The second option was the most obvious one in your mind, but for the love of God, you just couldn’t form a single thought in your head. Heck, you couldn’t even comprehend the situation in general. All you knew was that Yu was here. And that was… No, wrong wasn’t the word.

His hand gently clasped your shoulder, and a familiar warmth landed alongside it.

ㅤ

"I'm sorry it took so long, but I- I was caught up in so many things, and it all just..."

ㅤ

He then pulled you into a hug. Your cheek slammed against his chest, the impact only cushioned by his thick hoodie.

ㅤ

"I missed you."

ㅤ

You didn't react.

For a few seconds, you stood there with a stiff posture as you stared into space, unsure whether you should return the hug or just stay silent and not do anything. This whole situation felt unreal. It felt like one of those hyper realistic dreams your brain would conjure up whenever it decided it wanted to escape your pitiful life, but that sprinkle of hope always scattered the moment you woke up. But it wasn't. In fact, he stood right there, the familiar scent of lemons taking over your nostrils on account of how close he was.

Yu was here… He was present. He came back.

Though you shut your eyes as hard as you could, tears still formed against your will, and they were quick to stream down your cheeks.

ㅤ

"Where..." you started, "Where were you...?"

ㅤ

You weakly pulled away, but Yu still kept you in his grip. And you immediately took this chance to observe him all over again despite your incredibly blurry vision. It was as if those years had never passed given his features. He still had that same enchanting face, and those pretty lilac eyes that always tore away at your stress with just one glance.

ㅤ

"After all this time..."

ㅤ

You held his cheek and caressed it. His pale skin yielded under your touch, and the palm of your hand outlined the sharp structure of his jaw. The softness of his skin, the flicker of vulnerability in his eyes juxtaposed to his stony expression… All of it was all so familiar.

ㅤ

"Why did you leave me, Yu?"

ㅤ

"I'm– I'm sorry, Y/N. It wasn't my choice. If I could take it all back, I would–"

ㅤ

"Why did you leave me?!"

ㅤ

You burst into tears and clutched his hoodie, burying your head in his chest.

ㅤ

"I thought you were dead! I– I thought that– I thought... I thought I lost you...!"

ㅤ

Out of pure instinct, Yu was quick to bring you closer and tightly hold you in his arms.

ㅤ

"I'm here, I'm here, okay? Nobody's dead."

ㅤ

"I thought you died, Yu! I thought you were dead, I– thought you were..."

ㅤ

Your sobs and nonsensical babbles continued. It was all the same repetitive questions about his well being, and more specifically, how you thought he was dead. Each sentence you managed to complete felt like another blade plunging his heart, only further drowning him in guilt.

And unfortunately for him, the only thing Yu knew to do in this situation was hold you and gently caress your back.

ㅤ

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I– I should've explained it all from the beginning. But I... didn't want to lose you if I ever did."

ㅤ

He knew how stupidly soft you made him. How he'd stutter when speaking to you, and how wide his smile had gotten when you two first hugged, your arms squishing his thick white hoodie just to reach his form. The same hoodie he spent hours washing blood off of the night before.

Maybe he should've told you.

ㅤ

"I thought you were dead, I– I thought... that gun, you–"

ㅤ

Though you followed these loosely strung sentences with a curse, one specific word successfully pierced his bubble.

ㅤ

"Gun? What gun?"

ㅤ

This question seemed to bring you back as well. You pulled away, and just the sight of your red cheeks and shimmering eyes, aching with raw emotion, all of it was enough for him to understand how much this impacted you.

ㅤ

"I saw that gun. N– next to that medallion." You furrowed your brow, the sun sharply highlighting your tear-stricken face. "Is that it? Are you in a gang, Yu? Is that what you couldn't tell me?!"

ㅤ

"No! I– I wasn't in a gang, Y/N. It's..."

ㅤ

Yu's gaze fell. Unintentionally, he instead eyed your trembling hands.

He couldn’t hide this anymore, could he?

ㅤ

"I– I'm... Look, as unbelievable as this sounds, I– I was a… I was a hitman."

ㅤ

"...You were what? A hitman?!"

ㅤ

"Yeah. I… That’s the truth."

ㅤ

You narrowed your eyes. It really was unbelievable. How could someone like him be capable of killing someone? No, not someone, but people? And for a job?! You would’ve labelled him a liar if it weren’t for that blasted gun.

Then, a name popped up in your mind, one that seemed to support this idea.

ㅤ

"Iso...?"

ㅤ

He went blank for a moment.

ㅤ

"...That's, uh, no, that's a code name. I switched to a profession less... suffocating. That's what they call me now."

ㅤ

"Ying was in on this?"

ㅤ

Yu's face blanched. But quickly, he held your hand and firmly kept it in your grip.

ㅤ

"She was my only way of knowing you were alive! There wasn't any– Y/N, look, none of this should've happened, I know I should've been honest from the beginning, but I didn't want you to leave if I ever told you!” His eyes darted elsewhere. “Ying wasn’t happy when she found out, but I–"

ㅤ

"I’m not like her! I never would've gone anywhere! You could've been the devil and I still would've stayed because I wouldn’t have kept going if you weren’t there!” You furrowed your brow. ”But that's not the case anymore. I still love you, but I know what I deserve, Yu. I know I deserve a relationship that isn't... one-sided..."

ㅤ

You suddenly choked on your words. Yet, he was quick to respond when he could.

ㅤ

"But we can have that, Y/N! We can start anew, no more secrets. Nothing between us, okay? Nothing but the truth. Just, please..." he squeezed your trembling hand, "give me one more chance. I promise I'll make you the happiest woman on Earth."

ㅤ

Tears began to flow once more, tracing the same path as the ones that had dried out mere seconds ago.

For a moment, your eyes slammed shut, and you used this pause to both catch your breath and comprehend the situation. It was hard to make a decision. Sure, you were unbelievably mad at everything. At Ying, at Yu, at the world, and especially those people who held Yu hostage, if his words were to be believed.

But, Hitman…? It sounded so unbelievable. Yu was just way too kind and pacifistic to commit murder. It sounded impossible.

Almost mechanically, You rested your head on his chest, lying limp as he wrapped his arms around you. The lack of aversion on your side registered as permission for him to hold you. Not that he still didn't remain incredibly cautious.

ㅤ

"Happiest woman on Earth..." 

ㅤ

You muttered ponderously to yourself. You were already happy. But you knew you’d be happier with him. Even after everything that happened, you missed having him by your side again. You missed his curious little questions about things you considered mundane, and that endearing look of realisation as you explained it to him…

Then, a smile lifted your lips.

ㅤ

"I missed you, Yu." You hugged him back. "From now on, you’ll be honest with me. About everything."

ㅤ

Being this close to him, you felt the jump in his palpitations as he registered these words.

ㅤ

"I will! I will. I promise."

ㅤ

You closed your eyes, allowing the familiar scent of lemons to enter your nostrils and put your mind at ease once more. The two of you stayed like this for a second. It felt like this embrace’s sole purpose was to make up for how much you two missed each other. Of course, he knew he would’ve lost a bit of his sanity had he not known about your whereabouts, but he also knew that saying that probably… Maybe it’s best to keep quiet. Thank God for Ying’s updates…

Then, his eyes shot open at the mention of the healer.

ㅤ

“Hey, let’s go home. I have so much to tell you.”

ㅤ

You pulled away and wiped your cheek once more, noticing the eagerness etched on his features. You nodded.

ㅤ

“I’d like that.”

ㅤ

With that, he held your hand and helped you stand up, and the two of you began walking away from the bridge. His thumb promptly began tracing the lines on your palm all on its own. And of course, you couldn’t help but wistfully smile at this familiar

Despite everything, you couldn’t truly hate this man, no matter how much you knew you had to. You just wanted to know how this gentle giant was supposedly a hitman.

You rested your head on his shoulder as you moved.

[michyeosseo]

Shijie. | Shifu.

[stayuntilthefoglifts]

"Bitches be like "this is my comfort character" and then choose a character that hasn't had a day of comfort in their lives" well, they did find comfort when they met their beloved... maybe some day it will be time for me too..