#You get an AU! You get an AU! YOU'RE ALL GETTING AN AU!

[dante-mightdie]

i humbly request more viking!simon. Whatever you’re feelin, I just like the au.

viking!simon my beloved

c/w: simon loves his wife, fluff, comfort, children, mentions of pregnancy

your first two sons were obvious mommy's boys which was fine because simon just assumed that when you eventually had a little girl, she would be a daddy's girl. how wrong he was. no matter how hard he tried to be her favourite, you always won. the worst part is that it's effortless for you

it's not that your children don't love their father. no, they adore him. they feel safe, and loved, and protected by the warrior which is all they can ask for really. there's just something about their mother that just wins them over every time

perhaps it's the way you cradle them to your chest whenever they get all upset, no matter how minor an inconvenience. wiping the tears from their chubby cheeks and kissing their forehead, making them giggle and smile before sending them back to continue playing

or even the way you take care of them when they're sick. staying up with them all night, letting them sleep in your lap whilst you stroke their hair. soothing them when they wake up distressed. rocking them back and forth until they fall back asleep

even the cat loves you the most. always wrapping itself around your feet whilst you're doing chores around the house, letting you scoop it up like a baby and coo at them meanwhile they still swipe at simon's feet when he walks past. he's still got a scar on his hand from when the cat bit him for trying to touch your pregnant belly

they're his children, but he knows they're your babies. he realises one night, after a long day of back-breaking work, when he finds himself wrapped up in your arms. the house is peaceful, your shared bedroom filled with the sounds of his heavy breathing singing soft lullabies to him whilst you rake your fingers through his long hair. the world would have to be ending to pull him from the warmth of your embrace

perhaps he's okay with being your baby too :(

[star-sim]

clementine ☆ heeseung lee

☆ non-idol! heeseung x fem! reader ☆ summary: heeseung was home for the summer. but so were you, the one girl that he's always hated since your playground days. the worst part was that you suddenly got hot, and now he had no idea what to do with himself. unfortunately, an entire year of not seeing each other creates the perfect conditions for one of you (or both of you) to catch feelings! ☆ genre: fluff, college! au, loser!heeseung, boyfailure x girlboss, nerdy heeseung LOL, childhood enemies to lovers, neighbors au!, humor, #patheticmen, suggestive-ish but not rlly ☆ warning(s)? loser!heeseung is SO awkward you might get embarrassed MEOW ☆ word count: 16.1k words ☆ based off the song "clementine" by grentperez. i hope this feels summery and cutesy hehe

Heeseung swore that he was going crazy.

Because why on earth was he actually attracted to you?

You, who used to kick over his sandcastles in the sandbox. You, who always hogged the slides at the playground. You, who always made a point to get him first in a game of tag. You, who always rolled your eyes at him no matter what he said. You, who made it clear to him and everyone on the face of the earth that you couldn’t stand him.

Heeseung couldn’t believe that he was even thinking about it— Why were you hot?

It's been about two weeks since Heeseung returned home for summer break. He'd finished his first full term at UC San Diego, majoring in communications. He had been living in the dorms the entire year, so it's been quite a while since Heeseung had been home.

Unfortunately for him, it seemed like nothing had changed.

They always said that adulthood and college really changes a person. But Heeseung felt the same as always.

All throughout middle school and highschool, Heeseung's summer days were often spent indoors. Reading books, drawing in his sketchbooks, playing video games, talking to his friends, and sometimes even laying in complete silence and just staring at the ceiling. 

And all these years later, Heeseung was still doing the same this summer. 

It's only the beginning of summer, but Heeseung has done next to nothing. He's seen his old friends maybe once or twice, and really only went outside from time to time to take out trash or help his mom water the plants in the backyard.

Truthfully, nothing about Heeseung has changed. He was still the quiet, introverted guy that liked time alone.

Nothing has changed.... all except one thing.

And it was driving Heeseung nuts.

You.

You were the neighbor girl, and consequently, someone that's shown up in every stage of his life. Your parents quickly became friends, so your families were closely intertwined and spent a considerable amount of time together.

The two of you went to the same high school, middle school, elementary school— heck you even played at the same playground. 

And for some reason, you just loved to torment him. It was never anything serious, but any opportunity you got, you would bother him and just be the most annoying person ever. 

Everyone in his life insisted that you were just the best little angel, but that couldn't be any further from the truth. You were mean and childish and insufferable.

And to make it worse, you always seemed to beat Heeseung at everything. Ever since your elementary school days, you somehow always got a better score than Heeseung, whether it be an assignment on coloring shapes or your AP US History scores. His parents and your parents always reassured him that he was good too, but how was he supposed to feel encouraged when you just beat him at everything?!

And you never failed to let him know it, too. You always had that sly little grin.

You even beat him in getting into his dream university. It's not really your fault technically, because it was your dream university, too. But it's the principle of it!

Heeseung couldn't help but narrow his eyes and clench his fists when he heard his mom talk about how well you're doing at UC Irvine in your prestigious little public health major.

Hate was too strong of a word, but he couldn't say that he liked you at all.

Which was why Heeseung felt his sanity slipping away.

The last thing that he expected when he came back for the summer was for you to get hot. And boy, you were hot.

It was actually infuriating how attractive you got.

Sure, Heeseung's seen you grow up beside him, but in his mind you were always the snotty six year-old that stole his candy. But after an entire year of not seeing you, he couldn't help but gawk at you.

Look, he wasn't actively seeking you out. 

Just, every time that Heeseung was out watering the plants or helping with yard work, you just so happened to peek your head over the garden wall to say hi to his dad. Your face always scrunched up when you caught a glimpse of Heeseung, murmuring a tight-lipped greeting to him too before your head dipped back under the wall.

The first time it happened, Heeseung's jaw nearly dropped. Because since when were you pretty?

The second time that Heeseung saw you was at the local ice cream parlor near the pier. In all the ice cream parlors in Orange County, you just had to go to the same one as him. 

You were wearing a bikini top with denim shorts, sunglasses atop your head. Clearly, you had just been at the beach. You had a group of friends around you (after all, between the two of you, you were the social and popular one), yet Heeseung could only look at you.

There was just something about the way the bikini top hugged your body. Maybe it was the droplets of water running down your chest. Or maybe it was the way you swayed to the faint background music of the parlor, your face looking relaxed and dreamy. Or maybe it was the way he felt so goddamn small next to you, despite having screamed and yelled and fought with you so many times in his childhood.

Since then, it felt like you just popped up everywhere. On days that Heeseung's brother or cousins forced him out of the house, you somehow managed to be where he was. And every single time, he'd just stand there and ogle at you. Even when his brother or cousins would say hi to you and strike up a conversation, Heeseung was always rendered speechless, too busy looking at the way your lips moved to truly register anything.

It almost made him angry. How dare you become hot over the past year? How dare you make him feel so stupid?

In every way possible, you were glowing. 

And it was killing Heeseung.

Heeseung let out a sigh as he sunk down onto his bed. 

It was already 8PM, yet the sky outside was still amidst the sunset. His fan was blasting, and so was his house's AC system— he even opened up his windows— yet it was still too hot.

Jamming his earbuds in his ear, Heeseung picked at the hem of his t-shirt, ignoring the way that the hair on the nape of his neck clung to his skin due to sweat.

Heeseung, even throughout college, called his friends a lot. But now that it was summer, all his friends were busy on vacation or having plans, and didn't have a lot of time to call.

Heeseung listened to the ringtone, tapping his fingers impatiently.

Finally, the ringtone stopped.

"Hey, man," a familiar, deep voice rang in Heeseung's ears. "What's up?"

"Jay!" Heeseung cried.

Jay Park was Heeseung's best friend all throughout his life. Although Jay was a year younger than him, that never was a problem in their friendship. Jay had just graduated high school, and he'd be attending UC San Diego with Heeseung next term. 

Out of everyone at home, Jay was the one person that Heeseung spoke to the most. 

He told him everything, and if he didn't, Jay always managed to get it out of him one way or another.

"What's on your mind?" Jay huffed. He always sounded exasperated, but he meant well. The moment that he graduated, Jay went back to his hometown in Seattle to meet with family. Luckily, Heeseung caught him before he left to congratulate him. Otherwise, Jay's been busy, so Heeseung appreciated him taking the time to talk to him.

Unfortunately, Jay knew Heeseung too well. Of course there was something on his mind— You. But Heeseung would rather die than admit it, even to his closest, most trusted friend. Not only was it embarrassing, but Jay's heard and witnessed it all. Heeseung would never live it down if Jay found out.

"Nothing!" Heeseung said in a sing-songy voice. "I just miss my best friend soooooo much."

Jay was fun to tease.

"Yeah, yeah." Heeseung could practically hear Jay roll his eyes, scowl, and scrunch his nose over the phone, something he did whenever he was embarrassed. "Well, I had a feeling that there was something on your mind. You never spam me with emojis unless you have something serious to talk about."

Heeseung scoffed playfully. Jay really did know him too well. 

"Nope!" Heeseung said, popping the p. 

"Right," Jay responded, and the older could tell that he was suspicious. 

A few moments of comfortable silence fell over the two of them. Sometimes, they didn't know what to say to each other, but being in each other's presence was enough.

"Oh!" Jay suddenly exclaimed, "I just remembered something that I wanted to tell you!"

Heeseung hummed in response. It was probably some crazy gossip about a teacher from their old high school getting arrested.

"But, you need to promise me that you won't tell anyone," the younger boy said, his voice eager and impatient. "Like, you can't tell anyone."

Heeseung hummed again. "Yeah."

"No, like, promise me," Heeseung could hear the fervor in his friend's voice, almost as if he's been holding this information back and was just itching to tell someone. 

"Is it that bad?" Heeseung chuckled. "You're scaring me, man."

"Promise me," Jay repeated.

"Fine," Heeseung huffed, crossing his arms. "I promise I will not tell anyone. Not a single soul."

"Okay, okay," Jay took a deep breath over the phone. Just by the sound of it, Heeseung could tell that he was about to burst if he didn't tell someone now. "So, a few weeks ago— I don't know how it slipped my mind, I was going to tell you the moment I found out— I was in Macro, and do you remember that one girl Natty, or something? The one with the bangs, like, the one that dances, and—"

"On with it!" Heeseung interrupted impatiently.

"Okay, well, Natty asked me if my friend Heedeung Lee was dating anyone, and I was like 'Who is Heedeung Lee?' so I just looked at her like she was crazy and so she never spoke to me about it again until—"

"Hurry up!" Heeseung groaned. Jay talked a lot. "Get to the point, please!"

"I'm getting there!" Jay yelled over the phone. "Well, basically Natty told me that her friend told her that [Name] [Last Name] used to have a massive crush on you."

.

.

.

"Huh?"

You, [Name] [Last Name], had a crush on him? 

On Heeseung Lee?

"I know!" Jay laughed over the phone. "That's crazy, isn't it?"

"Wait, wait, wait," Heeseung's lips moved faster than he could think. He could feel his ears burning, and they stung like hell. "Who told her?"

Jay paused to think. "Natty said that Ryujin Shin told her."

Ryujin Shin was your good friend. She wouldn't lie about something like this. Jay's source was definitely trustworthy.

Heeseung's heart was now pounding in his chest. His palms felt clammy. 

He simply couldn't process it. You? Liked him? It just didn't make sense. And after all the thoughts that he's been having about you, it didn't feel right. Something must be mistaken, right?

"When?" Heeseung blurted, swiping his tongue over his bottom lip. "When did she like me?"

"Hmmm," Jay hummed. 

Surely, you liked him in elementary school, right? There was absolutely no way that you liked him any time recently. That's impossible!

"I think she liked you..." Jay trailed off, thinking, "I think she liked you all throughout highschool."

Shit.

"I mean, I think everyone knew. It's not that surprising to me, I'm more surprised that you didn't know all this time. Like, it's so obvious— she was so obvious—"

Heeseung hung up.

"Heeseung?"

Wow, has grass always been that green?

"Heeseung, what are you—"

Heeseung never knew the world could be so beautiful. The sky was so blue and the clouds were so fluffy.

"Hey, Hee—"

What's that bright ball in the sky? Why was it yellow and so warm? Is that what people call the sun—

"Heeseung!"

Heeseung was pulled out of his daze as his older brother shook his shoulders.

It's only been a few days since Jay told the news on Heeseung, but it felt like weeks. Since then, Heeseung has gone outside more times than he ever had. He'd sit in the front yard and feel the grass under his fingertips, reconnecting with nature after such a bomb was dropped on him. Other days he'd dip his toes in his pool, just basking in the sunlight, and sometimes he'd go on walks, taking time to appreciate the world around him.

After all, if Heeseung stayed all cooped up in his room, he didn't know what he would do with himself.

Truthfully, nothing has ever impacted Heeseung as much as the fact that you liked him. Genuinely, Heeseung has never felt more confused, distraught, distressed, and downright afraid in his life.

Because... How could he?

Heeseung wouldn't be completely truthful if he said he didn't think you were attractive before this summer. How could he not? There was a reason that you were popular at school. You've always been cute. It was just your personality that made Heeseung hesitant to admit it.

But to think that you— the you that always went out of your way to get on his nerves in every capacity— had a crush on him? Absolutely insane.

And the craziest part was that your crush was obvious to everyone but him. Heeseung made a point to ask all of his old friends as discreetly as possible. Same answer every time:

"Yeah man, she was soooo in love with you."

You? Obvious? With your crush on him? Absolutely not!

This was not something that Heeseung would have expected in a million years!

And the nail in the coffin was when he asked Ryujin Shin herself.

"Oh yeah, she used to make me pick out her outfits to impress you," was all Ryujin had to say in order to kill Heeseung.

It just didn't make sense! Heeseung genuinely couldn't believe it. Of all the people in the world, you had a crush on him? It's not like no one's ever had a crush on him, but it's literally you!

Every time Heeseung thought about it he felt light-headed.

Currently, Heeseung was standing under a tree, cooling off from the rising weather. He had agreed to go on a walk at the park with his older brother. After all, after everything, he needed to touch grass. 

"You've been spacy lately, Hee," his brother nudged him. Heeseung was grateful that his brother was also back from university for the summer. "Everything okay?"

"Y-Yeah..." Heeseung murmured in response. 

Wow, the dirt felt nice under his shoes. He could feel mosquitoes biting at his ankles, but the hot weather was making him too exhausted to care. He should go outside more often. Maybe he'd be less distracted. And he wouldn't think about you.

Heeseung's brother smacked the back of the younger boy's head. "You sure?"

Heeseung chewed on his bottom lip. His mind was completely fried, blank. He couldn't think.

"Hellooooo? Earth to Heeseung?"

Radio silence.

Yeah, he was cooked.

It took Heeseung an entire week to even be able to think of your name without wanting to pass out.

He didn't completely come to terms with it, but he was at a point that he'd gone over the thought too many times for it to sting anymore. Still, Heeseung couldn't stop thinking about you.

All this time you liked him and he didn't notice. Probably because you tormented him the entire time. Not quite flirting, in his opinion.

What made matters worse, though, was the fact that Heeseung would see you from time to time. It was hard.

On one hand, you were an absolute treat to look at. 

Like, wow.

Anytime he caught a glimpse of you, whether over the fence or through the kitchen window, Heeseung could physically feel his eyes get blessed.

You really were one of the most beautiful people Heeseung had ever had the privilege to lay his eyes on. He choked on his spit every time he saw you, it was insane.

On the other hand...

Ohmygodyouhadacrushonhim.

Seeing you was terrifying.

You were the one person that's always been his sworn rivalry... and this entire time you probably never saw him like that.

It was absolutely horrifying to think about!

Heeseung's cheeks felt warm at the thought. In fact, his entire body felt hot. He wasn't even sweating but his skin begged for a bucket of iced water to be poured on him. Maybe he should hose himself down later.

Maybe it was just the summer heat.

"You want me to what?!"

No, no, no!

"You heard me, young man," Heeseung's mom crossed her arms. Heeseung watched with eyes wide as saucers from his seat at the kitchen island as his mom organized the pantry. How could she be so casual?!

The world was ending. It's over.

"Nooooo," Heeseung cried, burying his face in his arms. "Mom, I can't!"

"Why not?" Mrs. Lee cocked her brows. "It's not like [Name] has a disease or anything."

Heeseung shook his head profusely. "I know, but—"

"Then what's so difficult about going over and saying hi to her? It's been an entire year since you guys have seen each other!"

Heeseung groaned.

And that's how he was forced to walk over to your house next door and say hi. He didn't know why his mom was so insistent, but it's probably because she was good friends with your mom, or something. Him and your families have always been close, so Heeseung was bound to interact with you this summer.

Heeseung dragged his feet as he walked over to your house. He really didn't want to see you.

At first, he thought you hated him, but now apparently you've liked him all this time? And he's also sexually frustrated so now Heeseung was just confused.

And lo and behold, the moment that your house came into view, there you were. 

You were in a swimsuit, sunbathing on your front lawn. You wore your chunky sunglasses that fit you too well, your pretty lips sipping on a fancy glass of coconut water.

Heeseung had to force himself to not gawk.

Goddamn, was all he could think, because goddamn were you fine.

The way the sun shone down on your skin made it hard for him to look away. You were completely relaxed, alone in your own world, yet you managed to still be glowing. Heeseung's mouth felt dry, his heart rate speeding up at the sight of you sprawled out on the lawn like that.

Heeseung's feet took him further than his mind could, too busy gaping at you. He stopped at the front of your house, just enough for you to notice him.

"Oi!" you yelled from your lawn, perching yourself up on your elbows in a way that made you even more attractive. "The fuck do you want, Lee?!"

Heeseung had to shake out of his daze. 

"H-Hey," he stuttered out, an awkward hand coming up to wave at you. Heeseung winced in his head, feeling embarrassment wash over him as you took off you looked over your sunglasses, shooting him a questioning look. 

He'd never been like this with you. Ever. The only memories that Heeseung had with you were just the two of you bickering. Never any shyness or awkwardness. So why was he so nervous now?

"Ummmm," you said. Heeseung recognized that tone: it was the tone that you used when you wanted to obnoxiously pretend to be confused to embarrass him. Usually, it would just annoy him, but this time Heeseung was actually embarrassed. "Hi?"

Heeseung could feel your judgy gaze under your sunglasses. You were definitely staring him down. Whether with love or with hate, he didn't know. But it scared the fuck out of him.

"Well, I'mgonnagonowbye!" Heeseung spouted before running off.

(Heeseung could tell that you were watching him as he struggled to get his front door open. In fact, he had to knock multiple times and yell for someone to let him in, because he was actually locked out. And the moment that he was let in, Heeseung ran up to his room, and slammed the door. Never again.)

Although you thought it would be 10x funnier if you didn't, you did in fact think Heeseung Lee was cute. Of course you did. Especially after a year of not seeing him, you couldn’t deny that he’d really grown into a man. He definitely got taller, and his voice sounded deeper too. The way the muscles on his biceps and forearms flexed when he did yard work gave you more of a reason to peek over the garden wall to say hi.

You thought your dumb little childhood crush on Heeseung had subsided by now. You felt a little bad for a while, for always being mean to him— but you just like him so much! 

When you went away for school, you were sure you’d forget all about it. After all, you had a feeling that your feelings for him were out of convenience: he was just a guy that you were close in proximity to. Plus, it was so obvious, too. He definitely knew all throughout high school and middle school how much you liked him. It would hurt your pride to go back to him.

But now that he’s back (and so are you!) you’re having second thoughts.

Sure, he was cute. 

Would you kiss him? Sure. 

Would you date him? The answer to that would be kept a secret. 

For now, you were just going to have fun with it. Whatever happened was not up to you anyway. 

Though, you’d be lying if you said that you never tried to impress him, especially now.

You told yourself it was in a condescending way. 

In a "look how hot I am" way. 

In an untouchable way.

Because you knew that he’d be looking anyway. He always did, even if he didn’t mean to.

And you knew for sure now, as you put on your fitted bikini top that he’d definitely be looking.

Lucky you, your siblings and cousins were close to Heeseung’s brother and cousins. When you were younger, everyone would gather in Heeseung’s backyard for a pool party. 

And now that it was summer, it was no surprise that there was a pool party at the Lee house today.

So here you were, in Heeseung’s backyard, dipping your toes in his pool. 

The Southern California weather was not doing anyone justice. The blue sky was clear, with no cloud in sight. The sun was high in the sky, beating down on anyone who dared to be in its presence. 

The air smelled of Mrs. Lee's lemon tree, sunscreen, chlorine water, and barbecue. Loud music boomed throughout the Lees' backyard, coupled with shouting, laughing, and the sizzle of the grill.

Everyone was here— Heeseung’s brother, his cousins, and all of your siblings and cousins— except the boy himself. 

He’s probably inside cooped up in his room, you thought with an eye roll. He always was. Whenever there was a pool party like this, he always came down the latest, after getting an earful from his mom about being a party pooper. 

You’d always hoped that he’d come down. After all, he was the only one your age, and you wanted to show off how cute you looked. 

That’s something that never changed. 

You pushed up your sunglasses, watching as the boys that you grew up with tackled each other in the water and screamed bloody murder. You couldn’t help but chuckle.

At pool parties like this, you usually found yourself sitting near the shallow side of the pool, dipping your feet in and just enjoying everyone's presence. 

Frankly, you weren't a fan of the water.

You were too busy splashing your cousins with water and laughing at how stupid they looked with their hair all wet and swooped around to notice the sound of a very familiar boy being dragged downstairs.

"Dude— Let go— Ack!" Heeseung's voice boomed all the way from behind the screen door. "Let go— Ow!"

You turned over your shoulder to see Heeseung himself standing at the entrance to the backyard, pouting like a child with his arms crossed over his chest. He was wearing swim trunks, but wore an oversized t-shirt over it.

Still, he looked as good as ever.

His tan skin, disheveled hair, and overall awkward and loserish look— you loved it too much.

You watched curiously as he stood there awkwardly while everyone else played in the water. 

You sighed. Some things never change.

You pulled your feet out of the pool, before walking with wet feet over to the cooler next to the grill to grab two Caprisuns. Then, you trudged over to where Heeseung was standing.

"Look who decided to finally go outside," you said with a deadpan tone. Usually, Heeseung would glare at you, maybe scoff and look away. But this time, his eyes just shakily shifted to your face. Weird.

You could see his eyes widen a fraction, before they traveled down to your bikini top. You had to hold back a smug grin— Good, he was looking.

You shoved one of the Caprisuns into his hand, while stabbing your own with the straw. 

He still stared at you, as if you were some kind of unicorn.

"Why do you keep staring?" you asked bluntly, quirking your brow at him. It was weird. Where was the annoyed Heeseung that fought back whenever you bothered him?

The boy tensed up, his eyes widening into saucers before he turned away from you altogether. 

Was he... sick?

You looked at him questioningly. Heeseung stood completely still, his back turned to you, gripping onto his Caprisun for dear life.

You sighed. You nudged him with your elbow. 

"I thought a school like UCSD would make you at least a little bit cooler," you began your way back to the pool, but stopped. You looked over your shoulder at him. "Still a loser."

And with that, you left him standing there.

Heeseung swore that he's not a loser.

Well, maybe he was just a little bit of a loser, but not that much. You called him a loser all the time, and it never really got to him. After all, you were cooler than anyone Heeseung knew, so your standard of coolness was off the charts.

Though, it did bother him a little bit this time. And for the life of him, Heeseung couldn't figure out why.

Eventually, he trudged over to the pool and dipped his feet in beside you. Though, he made sure to keep a big distance between the two of you. 

Heeseung didn't know what he would do if he was any closer to you. And plus, you'd probably start screaming anyway.

In fourth grade, he pushed you into the pool as a joke, without knowing that you didn't know how to swim. Since then, you made it a point to scream whenever Heeseung was near you at the pool, always claiming that he'd pose a danger to you, or something like that.

The music was nice, and so was the feeling of the sun on his skin. Heeseung just felt a little bit out of place, but he wasn't unhappy to be there.

Heeseung was lost in thought, a habit that he's had since he was younger— so lost that he didn't hear the splashing of the pool, so lost didn't hear his brother ask you why you weren't swimming, so lost that he didn't hear his cousins threaten to push you in if you didn't get in yourself.

But the moment that Heeseung heard your shrill scream, he was up on his feet.

In a few quick seconds, Heeseung's brother had hauled you up over his shoulder, ignoring the way that you wriggled in his touch, and threw you into the pool. 

It all happened so quickly before Heeseung's eyes, yet it felt like time slowed down.

As the water splashed in what felt like slow-motion, Heeseung watched as your eyes widened into large saucers, a loud shriek ripping from your throat. His breath hitched. Other than those sounds, he couldn't hear anything else: not everyone laughing, not the music, not the grilling, just you and him and the water.

Heeseung's lips moved faster than him.

"You idiot!" he shouted, and although his entire body felt like it was frozen in time, he was already halfway through throwing his t-shirt off. Heeseung tuned out the sound of more laughter. He could feel his blood boil. "She can't swim!"

With no hesitation, Heeseung dove into the pool, ignoring the cold sensation that sent goosebumps down his spine as the water engulfed him. 

There were some things that cannot be forgotten, and something that Heeseung knew he'd never forget was the way you wrapped your arms around him the moment that you felt his presence. Your once tense body relaxed immediately. You clung onto him, your eyes squeezed shut as stray tears spilled out. He could hear the raggedness of your breath, and just by your face, Heeseung couldn't even imagine the panic and fear that you'd felt. 

"Heeseung," you whimpered, grasping the boy as if you would die. You sniffled, pressing your face into his neck as your arms tightened around his torso. "Hee—"

Heeseung could feel chlorine water droplets slipping into his eyes, burning them. Yet, he didn't remove his hands from around you, not even once. As he stabilized the two of you in the water, he squeezed your shoulders comfortingly.

"You're safe," he said against your ear, "I got you."

The last thing you expected to happen was to be sitting on Heeseung Lee's bed.

He still had his shelf full of comic books and figurines. Except, the last time you really took a look at the shelf was when you were 13, and now six years later it was completely filled to the brim. The walls were still covered in superhero posters. In the corner of his room, there used to be a tiny little ukelele from when he was just learning how to play, but now it was replaced with a guitar.

You shivered, pulling your knees to your chest as you sniffled, holding the towel draped over your shoulders tightly. Your skin felt cold to the touch, but on the inside, you felt like you were burning up. Hot tears lined your eyes, threatening to stream out.

After that fiasco, Heeseung took you upstairs to his room. He left you a few moments ago to find you clean clothes.

You were angry. Why did they throw you in the pool? You thought it was common knowledge that you couldn't swim. You grew up with these people! How did Heeseung Lee remember and not anyone else? How annoying.

"Uh," Heeseung cracked his bedroom door open, poking his head in. You cocked a brow at him, especially when you noticed that he came back empty handed. "Just— Give me a second."

You watched as he went to his own drawers, taking out his own clothes.

"I— There's no girls living in his house," he said sheepishly as he handed you his clothes, unable to hide his red ears. "I couldn't find you— uh— girl clothes, so just— just take mine."

You just frowned.

Although you didn't do any swimming yourself, being thrown into a pool and drowning for a few moments was physically taxing enough. You didn't feel like moving right now, even if it was something as easy as changing clothes. You just put the clothes beside you on the bed, muttering a quiet thanks before pulling your knees even closer to your chest.

Heeseung stared at you. It was uncharacteristic to see you so... small. Someone so bothersome and mean to him, yet here you were curled up like you didn't want to be seen.

Heeseung would never admit it, but he felt bad for you at that moment.

Heeseung sighed.

He took a few more steps forward, standing in front of the bed.

"Scoot over," he said, motioning with his hands.

You looked up at him through your eyelashes. Your lips jutted out for a few seconds into a pout, but you huffed and nodded. Heeseung plopped down beside you, letting out another sigh. 

The two of you sat in silence like that for a few moments, both staring at the floor. In the distance you could still hear water splashing and music from the backyard.

"Thanks, by the way" you murmured, breaking the silence. You kept your eyes down.

"Huh?" Heeseung whipped his head over to you.

"I said thanks," you repeated yourself, this time louder and with annoyance. "You loser."

"Oh." Heeseung blinked. "Sorry."

It was silent again, before you clicked your tongue. You nudge Heeseung with your foot. 

"Why are you apologizing?" you sounded irritated, but Heeseung knew that that was just your natural tone when you weren't trying to be nice all the time. 

"I dunno," the boy shrugged. "I guess for being a loser."

You sighed loudly, your brows furrowing as you nudged him again. 

"You're taking me too seriously," you rubbed your temples. "I mean, you are a loser, but I don't really give a fuck if you are."

Heeseung blinked. "Huh?"

You groaned. "You're so dense. My point is, you have nothing to apologize for, including for being thick in the head and a loser."

.

.

.

"As a matter of fact," you grumbled. "I'm grateful for you. I'd be six feet under if it wasn't for you."

.

.

.

You finally turned to look at Heeseung. Your hand came up to flick his forehead.

"Ow!" Heeseung cried, his hand shooting up for his head. "What was that for— Ack!"

You grabbed a pillow and smacked him square in the head.

"What the hell?!" Heeseung yelled. He reached across you to grab one of his pillows, launching it at you, hitting you in the face.

But instead of fighting back like Heeseung expected, you threw your head back, falling back onto the bed. You were laughing.

"What are you—" Heeseung scrunched his face, before he grabbed another pillow and smacked you again. "What are you laughing at?"

You didn't respond, only continuing to laugh. Heeseung watched as you clutched your stomach, your eyes squeezing together as your lips parted, airy giggles pouring out.

His ears burned. Did he say something funny?

Had Heeseung ever seen you laugh so... light-heartedly? It seemed like the only times you'd laugh was when you were making fun of him. But here you were, laughing like he'd just said the funniest thing.

"Sorry," you said when you finally calmed down. You relaxed into his pillows, letting out a soft ah. You wiped your eyes, which had tears coming out from how hard you laughed. "It's just..." you glanced at him, "You were scaring me."

"Why?" Heeseung's brows furrowed. 

"You were, like, being so awkward," you said coolly. "I mean, you're always awkward, but you were being awkward in a weird, shy way. You weren't fighting back like you usually did."

You flashed him a cheeky grin. "But you seem to be back to normal now."

Heeseung stared at your face. 

Well, even if you were super hot now, and even if you had a crush on him, nothing would change the fact that the two of you were (no matter how much you didn't want to admit it) childhood friends. Heeseung wouldn't want anything to come between that. Even his own awkwardness. There was no use being weird about anything.

Maybe this summer was for the two of you to finally connect, rather than push each other away.

"Ew," you kicked Heeseung, "Stop staring, you freak."

Heeseung rolled his eyes with a chuckle. "Go change."

Truthfully, it was impossible to be awkward like this around you. Heeseung was awkward with everyone, including his own mother sometimes, but not you.

(By the end of the pool party, you and Heeseung had spent most of the time up in his room, which wasn't uncommon throughout your childhood. Though, the difference now was that you and him weren't arguing.)

Normally, on summer mornings, Heeseung slept until noon. But his slumber this morning was rudely interrupted by the sound of someone banging on his door.

"What the fuck?" Heeseung cursed under his breath as he trudged downstairs, still shirtless and groggy in his Minecraft pajama pants. He'd curse at his brother for not answering the door, but Heeseung remembered that everyone else in his family had a life that didn't include being home all day, unlike him. 

Heeseung hastily opened the front door, ready to yell at whoever was disrupting him at this time. It was probably one of those solicitors trying to sell him something, or some kid that accidentally threw a ball into his yard.

But when he opened the door...

"Hi, loser."

Heeseung slammed the door.

What the hell were you doing at his house at this time?! Granted, it was almost 11AM, but still!

"What the fuck?!" you began banging again, "Open up!"

"No!" Heeseung yelled from the other side of the door. "What are you doing here?!"

"Well, open up and I'll tell you!"

After this back and forth for a few minutes, Heeseung finally agreed on letting you in.

"Rude," you muttered, crossing your arms. "Didn't your mother teach you to not slam the door on people's faces?"

Heeseung grabbed the door, beginning to close it again. You jammed your foot inside. "Not so fast, little boy."

Heeseung rolled his eyes. "Explain."

You huffed. "I'm bored. Can we hang out?"

.

.

.

"What? Why?"

You pushed past the boy, stepping inside his house and making your way to the kitchen.

"I already said," you said coolly. "I'm bored."

Heeseung trailed after you. "It's too early!"

You shrugged, making a bee-line for the fridge, looking through it. Heeseung sighed. There was no reckoning with you. He took a seat at the kitchen island, letting out an annoyed groan.

You looked over your shoulder, quirking your brow at him. 

"Nice pajamas, by the way."

It was now that Heeseung realized that he was half naked with messy hair and his embarrassing Minecraft PJ pants.

His ears burned.

"I thought you were done with Minecraft," Heeseung could hear the teasing tone in your voice as a sly grin spread across your lips. "I guess some things just never change."

"Shut— Shut up!" And he scurried upstairs to freshen up and change. You chuckled.

Apparently, your definition of "hanging out" was gossiping in your car while devouring frozen yogurt.

"Why are you so surprised?" you asked, while indiscreetly stealing a strawberry from Heeseung's frozen yogurt.

"I dunno," he shrugged. "I just thought you'd have more extravagant plans for what a 'hang out' is."

You scoffed. "Like what?"

"I don't know!" Heeseung shook his head. "Maybe, like, going to the beach? Or going to the movies? What do cool people do these days?"

"Why would you think that?" you almost looked offended. 

"You were popular in high school, weren't you?" Heeseung reasoned. "I assumed that your hangouts were cool because everyone wanted to be there."

You scowled. "Okay, well, getting frozen yogurt is cool. I don't know what you're talking about." Heeseung shrugged again. "And plus, I chose this activity because I knew you wouldn't like the beach or movies."

Heeseung blinked. Did you really do that for him?

"Why are you looking at me like I killed someone?" you rolled your eyes. "Why would I hang out with you and only do stuff that I'd enjoy? It's not fun when the other person isn't having fun, you know."

"I—I know," Heeseung stammered. The corner of his lips lifted a little bit. "I just can't believe you have feelings."

An offended sound came out of your lips. You slapped his shoulder, once, twice, three times, ignoring his yelps.

"I'm sorryyyyy!" Heeseung cried, squirming away from you. "Ack! What is your problem, dude— Ow! I said I'm sorry!"

"Take that back, you freak!"

"I did...!"

Heeseung never thought that he'd wake up on some mornings and see you in his kitchen, scouring his pantry and fridge for food. 

At first, Heeseung found himself panicking every time he inevitably trekked downstairs, all groggy and shirtless, at noon and you were there munching on cereal.

"Why— What are you—" Heeseung would stare at you horrified, immediately feeling shy because he was shirtless. How could you be so... so casual?! "How did you even get in?!"

You'd just shrug nonchalantly, ignoring Heeseung's spluttering. 

"I asked your mom for an extra key," you had pulled out of your pocket. "See?"

And ever since then, it wasn't common for Heeseung to hear the front door cracking open, followed by the sound of rustling in the kitchen and living room.

Initially, Heeseung made a point to freshen up before clambering down to give you an earful for turning the TV's volume too high. He made sure to throw on a shirt, maybe brush his hair and teeth and wash his face. 

But the moment that Heeseung no longer relied on his biological clock and his alarm clock to wake him up because the ruckus that you'd make in his kitchen was loud enough to shake him out of his slumber, he realized that there was really no escaping you.

"Turn it down, will you?!" Heeseung would shout from upstairs, barely awake. You'd groan, but you'd comply. After all, it was his house that you were raiding.

It was weird. Heeseung never thought that he'd become comfortable with you like this, and in such a short amount of time. There was a level of friendship between the two of you no matter what. You'd grown up together, that was undeniable.

But Heeseung had always expected you and him to actually become friends through other means. He'd always thought that something bigger, more dramatic, would happen, something that would force the two of you to finally get along.

But all it took was for you to be bored one day and go to his house.

Had he been misinterpreting everything? All this time, Heeseung always thought that there was a wall around you, something that he couldn't break down. Yet here he was now, minding his own business while you ate at his kitchen island.

It made him think, was it college and summertime that made the two of you like this? Or has it always been like this, and he never noticed it?

It made him think back to his childhood.

He had so many distinct memories of you.

You pushing him down the slide, you calling him stupid, you pulling his hair when you were bored.

But there were also other memories, ones that Heeseung had to think hard about, ones that made him question whether or not his memory was playing tricks on him.

He could remember you following him upstairs after one of your families' dinners when you guys were six years-old. 

If there was something six year-old Heeseung and you could agree on, it was that the adults' conversations at dinner were too boring and convoluted to follow. 

Heeseung faintly remembered the way you paused briefly in front of the shelf in the corner of his room. It was the shelf that he displayed his comic books and superhero figurines on, a collection that he'd spent all of his allowance money on. 

Heeseung had ignored you as you messed around with his stuffed animals, opting to read his comic books in silence. You had crawled up beside him, your squeaky voice pulling Heeseung's head out of the pages.

"What's that?" you had asked him.

Heeseung's teeth sunk into his bottom lip. He remembered what happened after you asked that clearly.

"A comic book," young Heeseung had said annoyedly, shooting you a glare. "Duh."

Heeseung could distinctly remember how he felt at that moment. Embarrassment. His brother, his brother's friends, and Heeseung's own friends liked to tease him for his nerdy interests.

Six year-old you didn't take the hint, only further poking and prying him. Your fingers plucked one of the pages, curiously looking at the screen-toned pages and text bubbles. "What's it about?"

Heeseung had snatched the comic book from you, so hard that the page you were gripping ripped. His memory was fuzzy here, but from what he could recall, Heeseung got angry and yelled at you. He had pushed you, making you bump into his figurine shelf. One of his bigger and sharper figurines managed to knock over, falling and hitting your square in the face.

It was nothing serious, just a scratch, but you were crying by the end of it.

As an adult, Heeseung cringed at the memory.

Poor, awkward six year-old Heeseung, who thought you were making fun of him when really you were just interested.

And after that, you never asked him about his superhero comics again.

As Heeseung now peered at you scrolling through movies to watch, he couldn't help but notice how you hovered over all the superhero movies, before moving past them. He wondered how different things would have been if he didn't yell at you that day. In fact, he wondered how different things would have been if he didn't yell at you at all.

Because now that Heeseung thought about it, all of his memories of you annoying him were really just you wanting to talk to him. When you slapped his shoulder and called him stupid, it wasn't you trying to be mean to him. You were just like that.

Had he taken everything wrong all this time?

First, it started with you eating in his kitchen everyday.

The next thing Heeseung knew, you were forcing him to go outside everyday, one way or another. This must be the most sunlight that Heeseung has ever had in his entire life.

On some days, you wanted to go on walks around the neighborhood.

"Do you remember that house?" you asked him once, pointing to the house at the end of the block. 

Heeseung's lips lifted. "Of course I do. How could I forget?"

You chuckled. "Hell-bound dogs, right?"

Heeseung could remember the day. When you and him were ten years-old, you went trick-or-treating down the neighborhood. The house at the end of the block was new to the neighborhood, so the two of you kids had no clue what your new neighbor was like.

Big mistake. That year, Heeseung was dressed as a demon with a plastic demonic mask, while you were a witch.

The two of you had no idea that your neighbor would be so... afraid... of two children dressed as a demon and as a witch. 

As fast as you rang that doorbell, chanting trick or treat!, the two of you were sent running back home at full speed, with a shouting neighbor threatening to call the police on you "hell-bound dogs." And that's how that neighbor earned the name Ms. Hell-Bound Dogs.

Poor you.

"Do you think she's still alive?" you grinned cheekily, nudging the boy.

"Who?"

"You know..." you drawled your syllables, "Ms. Hell-Bound Dogs."

Heeseung scoffed. "Of course she is!"

"But it's been nine years!" you shrugged. "You don't know what happens in nine years."

"She wasn't that old," Heeseung reasoned. You sent him a look. The both of you collectively recalled that neighbor being a hag. "Okay, maybe we were just young, so everyone looked old to us."

You hummed. "You're right."

As the two of you approached that house, preparing to pass it, you were engulfed with silence. The neighborhood that you grew up in held so many memories. 

You and Heeseung had spent the entire walk pointing to various houses and obscure things in the neighborhood, recalling old stories of memories of the shenanigans that the two of you would have with them. Heeseung couldn't remember the last time he laughed like this. It wasn't the type of laugh that made him fall to his knees and well up tears in his eyes.

It was more like a laugh that felt mixed with a sob. In a weird way. Each laugh that tumbled from his lips felt so foreign, yet so familiar. 

The type of laugh that could only be elicited by an old friend.

And it was then that Heeseung realized that that's what you were to him. An old friend.

"I dare you to knock on Ms. Hell-Bound Dogs," you said suddenly. You loved to do this, even when you were a kid.

"No," Heeseung shook his head, hiding a chuckle. "I am not doing that."

"C'mon," you nudged him again. "It'll be fun."

Heeseung narrowed his eyes.

"And we'll get to know if she's still alive."

Heeseung looked at Ms. Hell-Bound Dogs' door.

He was curious.

And besides, it would be payback for chasing you two out all those years ago.

Heeseung sighed.

"Fine."

It couldn't be that bad, right? Heeseung and you were older now. You wouldn't be afraid of some old lady. Right?

Wrong.

Because the next thing Heeseung knew, you were carrying him princess style, running as fast as you could down the street. The both of you were cursing at the top of your lungs, shrieking for your dear lives. Heeseung's large body awkwardly draped into your arms, his arms clumsily around your neck, but the two of you were too scared shitless to care.

The moment that you reached the comforts of the Lee house, Heeseung and you caught your breath, keeling over.

After a few moments of just breathing, the two of you made eye-contact. 

At first, you just stared at each other, wondering what the fuck just happened.

But then a smile began to spread on your lips, then on Heeseung's lips, and suddenly the two of you were laughing. Laughing so hard that your stomachs hurt.

"She's way scarier than I remember!" you cried, clutching your stomach as you gripped Heeseung's shoulder for stability. 

"I— I know!" Heeseung laughed. He wiped away his tears, shoving his face in his hands. "I can't believe we just did that!"

And the second thing that Heeseung realized that day was that you, too, were a loser. 

"What’s got you smiling at your phone, Hee?" Heeseung’s dad asked him in the car one afternoon. The Lees had a short weekend getaway, and they were now on their way back. It was no denying that Heeseung had been on his phone much more than he usually was.

"Yeah," his brother nodded in agreement. "You've been texting a lot these days."

Heeseung's mother gasped. "You didn't get a girlfriend, did you?"

The whole car erupted, the tires of the Lee car skrrting against the wheels abruptly. His dad and brother whooped, while his mother excitedly squealed.

..... Except Heeseung heard none of this.

Because he had his earphones jammed in his ears, completely absent as he stared at the window.

The offense?

Heeseung was busy blasting your summer playlist.

Look, it wasn't because he liked you or anything. It was just that your summer playlist had all the songs that he liked! Maybe except a few...

The other day when Heeseung found himself in the passenger seat of your car chowing down on fast food, the two of you talked about music. Surprisingly, you had a lot in common in terms of music taste.

You guys ended up riding along the coastal highway late into the night, just sharing songs.

Heeseung remembered how the traffic lights reflected off your face, illuminating your pretty eyes. You chuckled at a few songs that came up.

"You know," you had smiled, but your brows furrowed, "Kai sent me this song when we were dating Sophomore Year."

And when another song came up, you furrowed your brows again. "I think EJ sent me this one when we were dating."

And again. "Oh! When I was dating..."

And for some reason, Heeseung couldn't bring himself to listen to any of the songs that your high school exes sent you. It could've been his favorite song, but for some reason, any association with your past lovers made Heeseung feel sick.

Heeseung couldn't figure out why he was so bothered. There were songs that he swore he could never hate, but it left such a bitter taste in his mouth that another man sent you songs.

Now, Heeseung's nose curled as he glanced at the song now playing.

I Wanna Be Yours by Arctic Monkeys. Everyone knew this song, so it shouldn't be a surprise that one of your exes sent you this. But still. Heeseung felt uneasy listening to it. He couldn't figure out why. It was such a weird feeling. His heart felt like it was throbbing in his chest, tightening at the thought of it.

By now, Heeseung was certain that Jay's earlier report about you having a crush on him was outdated. It's been a while since Heeseung's thought about it, and while it still made him burn up, he was convinced that even if you did like him, that was the past. There was no use in dwelling on it anymore.

His finger hovered over the skip button for a few moments, taking in the sound of the rough bass. 

Heeseung didn't know why he felt a sense of disappointment. Disappointed that you probably didn't like him like that anymore. 

Skip.

Sooo... you're not very successful at forgetting your mini crush on Heeseung. You swore that you could, especially because you thought you'd grown up.

But now as you watch the way Heeseung's big hands wrapped around the steering wheel, his eyes focused on the road while your collaborative playlist plays on repeat, you're finding it difficult to pull your eyes away from him.

He was just so... loserish. He was so awkward, and clumsy, and embarrassing, yet somehow every time you saw his grimace after he tripped over his feet yet again, it made you feel so warm.

One of your old highschool friends was throwing a party at her beach house, and you were invited. You didn't want to go alone, so you begged Heeseung to go with you. And after some hefty convincing, he finally agreed.

The two of you (mostly you) had spent the entire afternoon getting ready.

You made sure to put on your tiniest dress and tallest heels, glittery makeup across your face and curly lashes lining your eyes. 

As you fixed your lipgloss in Heeseung's rearview mirror, you glanced at him from the corner of your eye.

You had to sit Heeseung down and give him a lesson in fashion. He was really about to go to a party in a hoodie. His entire closet consisted of baggy t-shirts and hoodies, and while they looked damn good on him, he needed proper party attire.

You searched through his entire closet, and lo and behold, you found the compression shirt that Heeseung borrowed from his brother and never returned. 

You couldn't stop looking at the veins on his forearms, or the biceps on his arms that flexed everytime he gripped the steering wheel. You knew Heeseung worked out, but seeing his toned arms in the flesh made your cheeks feel warm.

Under his big doe eyes, pouty lips, and disheveled hair was a man.

It was hard to fully conceptualize sometimes— that you were no longer the squeaky teenage girl head over heels for your nerdy childhood friend. Instead, you were a woman, and so was he.

Heeseung's eyes fluttered over to you, sinking his teeth into his bottom lip as the two of you pulled up to the house.

"I don't think I know anybody here," Heeseung sighed, wringing his fingers nervously. As the two of you got out of his car and approached the door, he groaned, "It's gonna be so awkward."

"Relax," you grinned at him, reaching out to squeeze his shoulder. "Just stick beside me the entire time."

He chewed on his bottom lip. He was uneasy. You sighed, linking your fingers with his. His eyes widened into saucers, but you ignored it. You gave his hand a squeeze. 

"You're gonna be fine," you reassured, before dragging him into the party, hand-in-hand.

The moment that you stepped inside the beach house, you could feel Heeseung tense up, squeezing your hand. 

You couldn't blame him, for the bright strobe lights, booming music, and smell of sweat, alcohol, and drugs hit your senses immediately.

"Just follow me," you whispered to him. You shot him another smile. "C'mon. Let's get some drinks."

And despite what everyone liked to think, you were a law-abiding citizen. You were not about to get wasted, and you were under the drinking age anyway. You got yourself orange juice and Heeseung apple juice (something that you knew he'd like because you used to argue about it).

You found it a bit entertaining as you went around the house, saying hi to all of your old classmates and friends, while Heeseung followed you like a lost puppy. You had him hold you by the shoulders, finding it awfully endearing every time he squeezed them.

"I thought you hated her," he whispered into your ear after you just greeted someone, striking up an animated conversation with her. 

"I do," you chuckled. Of course Heeseung would remember. "She's why me and Taehyun broke up."

You heard Heeseung's breath hitch, a gasp in his throat. "Really? That's fucked."

You chuckled again. So cute. "I know."

Every time you encountered someone that Heeseung personally disliked, you could feel him gripping your shoulders. It was cute. 

"Is that Heeseung Lee?!" a squeaky voice suddenly filled you and Heeseung's ears. And the next thing you knew, Heeseung was being crowded around by a group of girls, leading him to be whisked away from you. You couldn't remember any of their names, but you definitely remembered who they were.

When you said that Heeseung was a loser, you meant it in an endearing, mean-but-not-really way. 

These girls were actual bullies in high school, and for a time, they'd bully Heeseung. If it weren't for you scaring them off everytime, Heeseung might be dead.

But there they were, crowding around and cooing at Heeseung, touching his arms and batting their eyelashes at them as if they didn't bully the shit out of him. 

"I didn't know you got so hot, Hee!"

"If I knew you'd be so strong, I would've fucked you in high school."

"What're you doing after this, Heeseung?"

You could sense Heeseung's discomfort. From the way that he recoiled from each touch, to the way his wide eyes occasionally met yours, to the way that his lips curled.

And it made your blood boil.

Not only were these the people that went out of their way to hurt him, here they were acting like Heeseung would forget just because they thought he was hot. Blatantly disrespectful.

Help me, his eyes read. And of course you did.

You marched over to where they were, creeping up behind Heeseung and grabbing his shoulder and yanking him backward away from the hoard. 

"Get behind me," you whispered to him, and Heeseung immediately complied. 

"Hi, guys!" you greeted with a tight-lipped smile. You could feel Heeseung's fingers playing with the lacing at the back of your dress, something he did when he was nervous.

"[Name]!" the girls exclaimed, but you could tell that they were unhappy with your presence. "We were just talking to ourHee."

"Oh!" You faked excitement, flashing them another smile. You narrowed your eyes at them, before reaching behind you to grab Heeseung's wrist. "Well, me and Heeseung were about to leave just now."

"Aww!" one of them whined, yet she still managed to bat her eyelashes at Heeseung, who shifted uncomfortably. 

"C'mon, [Name]!" another crossed her arms. You could tell that her tone was playful, but you knew better. "You got all the hot guys during high school. Let us have this one, won't you?"

You feigned a giggle. 

"No, sorry girl," you said in a chirpy tone. You didn't want to seem hostile. "This one's mine."

The girls blinked at you. "Yours?"

"Mhm!" you smiled again. You squeezed Heeseung's hand in yours, bringing it up to show them your interlocked fingers. "Right, Babe?"

Heeseung stared at you for a few moments, before nodding his head quickly, his tongue swiping over his bottom lip. "O-Of course, baby."

You craned your neck up to gently press a kiss on his neck, ignoring his surprised yelp, before you turned back to the girls. "We'll be leaving now. It was nice seeing you!"

And with that, you pushed through the crowd of people, making a bee-line for the door and taking Heeseung with you.

The walk back to Heeseung’s car was silent. When the two of you got inside, it was still silent. Heeseung didn't start the engine or the music. He just sat there quietly.

"I'm sorry," he finally blurted.

"Huh?" you cocked your head. "What are you sorry about?"

"I feel like I ruined the night," Heeseung murmured, a large frown on his lips.

"What?!" you furrowed your brows, reaching out to touch his arm. "No, no, no! You didn't ruin anything."

He continued to frown. The car shook just from how loud the music was, and you could feel the bass in your chest. 

"And you had to kiss me!" he continued, shoving his face into his hands.

You furrowed your brow. Did he not like it? Was he disgusted with you?

"You shouldn't have!" Heeseung continued rambling on, using his hands. Poor boy sniffled, and it was then that you noticed the way his doe eyes welled with tears. From the way he blinked quickly while turning away from you so that you couldn't see his face told you everything. "Now everyone is going to think that you're dating me!"

You were a little hurt. "Why is that a bad thing?"

"It's a bad thing for you," Heeseung muttered into his palms, sniffling quietly. "I'm a loser, [Name]. And you're not. What if everyone starts seeing you differently?"

Your hand ghosted over his shoulder. "Why should anyone's opinion matter to me?"

"Because!" Heeseung whipped his head over to you. With the sun setting, orange light reflected off his cheeks and red nose, as well as his glassy eyes. 

"Because....." he sighed, before stopping. "What, you don't regret it?"

You crossed your arms. 

"The only reason I'd regret kissing you is if you felt uncomfortable." You met his eyes. "Did I make you uncomfortable?"

Heeseung stared at you for a few times, before he whipped his head away again. But this time, it wasn't out of shame or remorse. You could tell by his shaky voice, pink ears, and rigid body language that he was embarrassed more than anything.

"No..." he mumbled. "The k-kiss... didn't make me uncomfortable. I actually kind of— Never mind."

If you hadn't known him all your life, you wouldn't have been able to tell that Heeseung was flustered. Flustered beyond reason. If you asked him a question about superhero comics, a topic that he knew front and back, he still wouldn't be able to give a coherent answer. That was how flustered he was.

How cute.

"Hmm?" you hummed, the corners of your lips raising. "Complete that thought."

Heeseung groaned something that you couldn't understand, shoving his face back into his palms. You chuckled as you pulled him away from his hands, gently clutching his jaw and forcing him to look at you.

"I wanna know what you were going to say, Heeseung," you rasped, unable to hide the slyness in your voice.

He let out an embarrassed squeak. Even if it weren't for the orange sunlight, you would still be able to tell how red Heeseung got. The warmth emitting from his face was so strong that you could feel it. Poor boy couldn't even look you in the eye.

So cute.

"I-I..."

You hummed. "Go on."

"I was just going to say..." Heeseung squeezes his eyes shut, something he did when he was so embarrassed that he'd explode. "I l-liked the kiss."

.

.

.

You opened your mouth to speak, but he continued to ramble on. "I-I mean I didn't mind it that much. Itwasjustnicewhenitcamefromyouanditmademefeelreallywarmandmushyand—"

"Let's get out of here, Heeseung," you interrupted him with a reassuring smile. "We can go somewhere else."

"L-Like where?"

You grinned.

Where it all began.

"The playground?"

Heeseung gaped as you pulled him out of the car. He let you drive this time, fully expecting to go somewhere like the pier or the end of some road where it was quiet. Not the playground.

"Yessir."

The playground near your neighborhood was nothing special. It had a spiral slide, swings, rock-climbing, telephone, a basketball court, hopscotch, and then some. It looked much smaller than you and Heeseung remembered.

This was where it all started, where you and Heeseung met as young children.

Things have changed since then. The swing set has been remodeled, the sandbox removed, and the railing have been repainted with a different color from your childhood.

"C'mon," you tugged on Heeseung's arm.

Heeseung stared at you. By now the sky was beginning to turn blue and the streetlamps were on. Even so, you still managed to glow. All his life, you glowed. You glowed so bright that you outshined him, so bright that you attracted everyone like a moth to a flame, and he never understood why.

But now he did.

The mischievous glint in your eyes, the grin spread across your face, and the way you called out to him to go play— it was like nothing changed. You were still you, still the cheeky little shithead that you always were. And he loved it. He loved you. Maybe he always had.

Some things really never changed. 

"Heeseung, push meeeeeee!" you shouted from across the playground. As a kid, Heeseung loved to collect rocks. As a grown-up he thought it was ridiculous, but now Heeseung couldn't resist the call of the rocks. 

Meanwhile, you were on the swings.

"You still don't know how to do it yourself?!" Heeseung yelled back. 

"I doooon't!"

Heeseung sighed, shoving the rocks that he collected into his pockets before trudging over to you. Though, not without chuckling to himself.

After running around the playground a little bit and taking a trip down memory lane and whatnot, you followed Heeseung to the basketball courts. In your middle school days, you remembered how Heeseung would ditch you at the swings to go play basketball.

You sat next to the base of the hoop, just far enough to not get hit.

You watched in awe as Heeseung dribbled the ball, passing the orangey ball from palm to palm. He was always good at basketball. You remember pressuring him in highschool to try out for the school team. And when he made it, nothing made you feel giddier than seeing the proud and excited look on his face. That's why you went to all of his games in secret, just to silently cheer him on. Of course, you'd never let him know that.

With each flick of his wrist to shoot the ball, you couldn't hide your amazement as he made every basket.

Every.

Single.

One.

Tall, strong, talented, and a loser.

Gosh, you wanted him so bad.

Him and his nerdy little antics.

On Heeseung's end, he made sure to play his best.

Sure, he was in his childhood basketball court. Sure, he wasn't playing against anyone else. But that was exactly why he had to do his best.

You were watching.

He'd never forget how you ran up to him after seeing him hoop one afternoon, exclaiming, "You need to try out for the basketball team!"

Back then, he thought you were being mean, but your words rang through his head enough that he actually did try out for the team. And he made it.

Now that he was an adult, Heeseung realized that you were anything but mean. If anything, you were encouraging him. 

And now that you were watching him play all these years later, Heeseung had to prove to you that your words were not in vain.

"Woooooow," you drew out your syllables as you watched, silently clapping your hands at each basket. 

Heeseung chuckled, jogging up to where you were. Letting the basketball roll across the court, Heeseung crouched down to your sitting figure, wiped the sweat on his forehead with the back of his palm.

"You're so good at basketball, Heeseung," you said coolly, trying your best to hide the fact that you were 100% gawking at him and his sweaty face.

Heeseung laughed as he caught his breath. The smell of the night air was making him feel so alive, so bold.

"All thanks to you," he breathed as he ran a hand through his sweaty hair. 

"Nah," you waved him off. "You're giving me too much credit. It's all because of your hard work."

Heeseung shook his head, lightly punching your arm. "It's your support that made me so good."

You shook your head. "Not at all."

The boy gave you a look, quirking his brow, almost like he was doubting you. "You think I never noticed you at my games?"

.

.

.

Shit.

"Y-You knew I was at your games?!" 

He knew all this time?!

!!!

Warmth washed over you.

All those times you screamed his name from across the court to cheer his name, all those times you snuck, all those times you jabbed at him for playing too much even though you spent too much time at his games.

Your cheeks felt warm as your hands found refuge on your head, shaking as you squeezed your eyes shut.

"No, no, no!" you cried. "That's so embarrassing!"

Heeseung's deep laugh made you even more embarrassed, especially the way he cooed at you and put a hand on your knee reassuringly.

"Of course I knew you were there," Heeseung said, putting a hand on his chin. "I knew it every single time. I don't think you missed any of my games."

You squeezed your eyes shut even harder, groaning. "Stooooop."

Heeseung laughed again, before clicking his tongue. He got back up and strolled toward the stray basketball.

You didn't know why, but his nonchalance and ease at picking up the ball made your heart pound. He was just so... strong.

Sure, he was a loser most of the time, but on the court, he was a completely different person.

As Heeseung began to dribble again, you had to admit that it was attractive.

With one more bounce, Heeseung snapped his head at you, meeting your eyes. 

"This one's for you."

Your heart drummed in your chest. This was the type of stuff that happened in movies, when the basketball player dedicates a hoop for their loved one. How were you a grown woman and still feeling giddy and nervous over this?

It felt like it happened in slow motion. 

You watched as the ball seemingly floated between his fingertips. The sound of the rubber ball as it collided with the concrete courts filled your ears, coupled by the sound of your heart pounding in your chest. 

Heeseung's tongue swiped over his bottom lip. With a flick of the wrist and a jump, he shot the ball up into the air. 

It stayed up in the air for what felt like an eternity, before it propelled forward.

There it was, its orange skin against the blue night sky.

And as gravity pulled it toward Earth, you held your breath.

Closer and closer, the ball inched toward the red-brimmed hoop.

And just as you held your breath...

The ball...

Missed.

.

.

.

You deadpanned.

Heeseung was going to dedicate a ball to you... and he missed the hoop completely.

That's...

So cute.

You snorted, before you keeled over, some of the hardest laughs of your entire light spilling out of your mouth. This was hysterical. You laughed so hard that your stomach hurt.

Heeseung was such a loser, and it made you feel like a little girl.

Meanwhile, Heeseung stood there, completely red in the face.

"Sh-Shut up!" he grumbled as you laughed. How embarrassing!

When you finally calmed down, you had to hold yourself back from cooing at how cute Heeseung's embarrassed face was. But you just look at him with a grin. 

"Try again."

And he did.

And it felt like suddenly the world was against him.

Just a few minutes ago, Heeseung made every single one of his shots.

And now that it actually mattered, he missed.

Every.

Single.

One.

And to make things worse, you laughed at every one of his missed shots.

"Heeseung Lee," you announced as he gave up, taking a seat beside you. "You are such a loser."

He groaned, pulling his knees to his chest. 

The two of you sat in a comfortable silence, listening to the grasshoppers sing their hearts out. 

Neither of you wanted to move. Because if you did, it would mean one step closer to this night ending. Of course, there was always tomorrow and the rest of the summer to see each other, but to be separated even for a little bit as night passes was too long.

It felt like so much had changed, but at the same time, it felt like everything was exactly as it was left.

Feeling a stroke of boldness, Heeseung guided your head onto his shoulder, before slithering his arm to wrap around your own shoulders.

You guys stayed like that for a little bit.

Heeseung gazed at you. You could be lost in thought or dozing off, he wouldn't be able to tell.

He wanted this to last a little bit longer than forever.

Something was changing and neither of you could tell what it was.

Maybe it was now early July, and the heat was unbearable. Or maybe it was the intense scent of bug repellent that had gotten to your heads. It could be all those frozen yogurts you guys ate in your car, or the amount of shitty superhero movies you binged together.

Whatever it was, it was changing everything.

A single atom was out of place, a molecule of carbon was in the wrong spot. Heeseung couldn’t put his finger on it.

The air felt so warm, but not in a humid, suffocating way. 

More like in a rosy way, like someone put a filter over Heeseung's world and now everything was more vibrant.

Heeseung had reason to suspect that you were the culprit.

He'd known you his whole life, and it was only up until recently that he understood why people loved you so much. Because who wouldn't? You weren't just beautiful, but so goddamn incredible. In every way possible.

Heeseung couldn't explain it. He didn't think he had a crush on you. 

In all the romance books and games and movies that he'd consumed, they portrayed crushes as this magical unicorn of all things. Nervous, awkward, clumsy, and an upward battle.

But when Heeseung thought of you, he didn't feel any of these things. 

He felt at home. Comfortable, as if he could be as much of a nerdy loser as he wanted and he'd still be treated the same way. 

Unlike all what fiction would tell him, you weren't some god to him, nor were you a venerated saint. You were just you, and that was already enough to make his heart race. 

There wasn't that urge to constantly hold your hands or kiss your lips (not that he didn't think about it!).

Rather, there was a need to always be with you, to be let into your world, to listen to every thought that you had, to hear your laugh until he fell asleep.

Maybe Heeseung didn't have a crush on you, but it was certainly something else.

And it was the same for you.

You've had crushes, and you've had boyfriends.

You always felt like you needed to be perfect for them, to be drop-dead gorgeous and put-together all the time, to be the kindest version of yourself.

But when it came to Heeseung, it didn't feel like that. 

You could be as brash and annoying as you wanted, without the fear that he'd shun you. In fact, Heeseung would fight back or laugh.

While with all your boyfriends you wanted intimacy, validation, and constant reassurance, Heeseung felt safe. 

You craved nothing from Heeseung except... Well, Heeseung himself. 

And it was driving you nuts.

Help!

It was another family dinner, with both of your families, this time at your own house.

Heeseung and you sat across from each other. From when you were children until now, the two of you still ignored everything that the adults said, opting to stare and make faces at each other.

Except this time, it was absolutely impossible to look at each other without bursting out laughing. 

You dug your teeth into your bottom lip, holding back a smile as you glued your eyes to your plate. If you dared to look up and even catch sight of Heeseung's hair, you'd probably laugh.

You gripped your fork. Even if you weren't looking at him, you still somehow could hear him. The way he obnoxiously and loudly poked at his food with his fork was something you always jabbed at him for, and it was still noticeable to you now. Except, instead of annoying you, it only made it harder to not laugh.

"[Name]," Ms. Lee's voice pulled you out of your thoughts. You looked up with shaky eyes, and when your eyes passed over Heeseung, you had to bite back a giggle. Alas, you weren't strong enough to hold back a smile.

"Yes?" you responded. From the corner of your eye, you could see Heeseung's nose scrunching. You sent him a quick glare, one that could only last a millisecond.

Don't you dare make a funny face or I'll spill my water all over you, your glare read. But it didn't seem like Heeseung cared.

"What have you been up to all summer?" Ms. Lee smiled. "Any summer programs?"

"No, not this summer," you answered politely. "I've just been—"

Your mother interjected, wiggling her eyebrows. "I've noticed [Name] and Heeseung hanging out a lot this summer."

From under the table you felt Heeseung kick you, but you still didn't dare look at his face. You had to bite inside of your cheek to keep laughter from tumbling out, your eyes wobbling.

"Oh, really?" Ms. Lee looked over at her son. "I didn't know you and [Name] were close, Hee!"

And this was when you unfortunately made eye-contact with Heeseung. Poor boy, his lips wobbled and twitched, trying his hardest to keep it in.

"Y-Yeah," he answered quickly, his voice shaking. That in itself was enough to make you let out a giggle. But before it could be uncontrollable, you clamped your hand over your mouth. You watched as Heeseung did the same, except this time, his face was bright red.

"That's so great!" you moms rejoiced. "We were so afraid that you guys would hate each other forever! You know, when you were kids, you used to..."

You and Heeseung tuned everyone out as they joined in the conversation about your old antics.

Instead, the two of you stared at each other, both completely blank-faced. But a simple look at you and it would be painfully obvious by the way your lips twitched that you were fighting for your life to not burst out with laughter.

And it was when Heeseung was taking a sip of water that you decided to make your attack on him. Just as he was raising his glass to his lips, you quickly made a face at him.

And just as fast as his entire face contorted, a loud laugh fell from his lips. Unfortunately for him, he still had water on his mouth. Poor boy began choking on his water, keeling over himself as he coughed up a storm. 

And while everyone was busy helping him, you were busy laughing your ass off.

You win this one, was the agreement.

"You were 100% playing dirty," Heeseung whined.

You rolled your eyes. "Who gives a fuck?"

After you and Heeseung were excused from the dinner table, the two of you went up to your room.

Currently, the two of you were just lazing around your room. Both of you were on your bed, but Heeseung laid upside-down, with his head hanging off the edge. Although you barely exchanged any words, it wasn't awkward. 

You scrolled through your socials, while Heeseung played his games on his phone. Just the two of you in your own worlds, occasionally breaking the silence to make a jab at each other or to show the other something.

"Oh my god!" you cried suddenly, tossing your phone aside and putting your face in your hands, your fingertips rubbing your temples. "What the fuck?!"

Heeseung, startled, looked at you concerned. "What happened?"

When you groaned into your palms, shaking your head profusely, Heeseung shut off his game, putting his phone away. He sat himself upright, shuffling over to you.

"What happened?" he asked again.

"Bad!" you cried, sinking your head into your pillows. "Horrible! Deplorable! Despicable!"

Heeseung stared at you questioningly, his brows cocking into an arch.

"Tell meeeee," he prodded you, watching as you only sunk back into your pillows. You grabbed one of your plushies and shoved your face into it, flipping over so that you could kick your feet. 

You groaned more, before you screamed into your plush. "I hate men!"

Heeseung poked you again, this time a little bit harder. "Tell meeeee. Did your ex text you?"

"Worse!" your words were slightly muffled, but Heeseung could hear the sheer irritation. "Way, way, way, way, wayworse!"

You did this a little bit longer, before you huffed and flipped yourself over once more. Sitting upright, you saw Heeseung sitting there patiently, waiting for you to explain to him what the fuck was going on.

"Okay so," you began, wincing at the next words you were about to say. "You know how my Instagram is public? So that anyone can message me?"

Heeseung narrowed his eyes. "Yeeeeessss?"

You grumbled something under your breath, taking Heeseung's hands in yours. You traced shapes on his palms and played with his fingers, anything to distract yourself from the godforsaken things you'd have to say next.

"Well," you sighed, shaking your head. "I got a dick pic from some random guy."

Heeseung blinked.

"Oh."

.

.

.

"Wait, you got a what?!"

Yes, you really received an unsolicited picture of some guy's dick. Insane, really.

It was now Heeseung's turn to tweak out. 

"Oh my god!" he fell back into the pillows, grabbing at his hair. How ridiculous! "What the fuuuuuck?!"

"I know right?!" you fell back with him. The two of you laid like that, your heads next to each other. 

It was silent again, save for the sound of your parents chattering downstairs.

"Did you block him?" Heeseung suddenly asked.

"Nope," you sighed loudly. "Not yet."

Heeseung hummed. 

He couldn't imagine how many times you'd probably encountered this type of situation. And if this was the first time, it was already too much. If he were in your position, he'd have absolutely no idea how to react either. He'd be paralyzed, with no idea what to do! Maybe except...

"Do you want to fuck with him?" Heeseung blurted.

"Huh?"

"You know..." the boy swiped his tongue over his lips, wringing his fingers. "Fuck with him."

You looked at him, your head tilted as if you didn't understand.

"I-I mean, if this guy's going to be disrespectful, it wouldn't hurt to give him a taste of his own medicine, right?"

You nodded, understanding. "But how?"

Heeseung's nose scrunched. He had many ideas, but he wasn't sure which one was the best. "Well, do you want to have fun with it or do you want to genuinely scare this guy off?"

You thought for a second, before a sly grin made its way across your cheeks. "There's no harm in having fun. I can just block him afterwards, easy peasy."

"Oh," Heeseung said. Then, a good idea popped into his head. His lips curved. "I have just the idea for that."

"Is this okay?"

"Hmm, a little to the left."

Heeseung's plan was funny, but it also made you feel... mushy.

The idea was for Heeseung to respond on your phone pretending to be your boyfriend, something that would probably scare the other guy off. 

After a little bit of stalking, you guys concluded that the guy was a frat bro, so it would be best to prepare some pictures for evidence.

The first picture you decided to take was one that showed just a small part of your back and shoulders in bed, just enough to make it seem like you were in bed with someone. That way, it would be believable if Heeseung pretended to be your boyfriend.

So here you were, laying in bed with the blankets strategically draped over you, pretending to be asleep, while Heeseung snapped 'candid' pictures. You turned off all the lights to make it more believable, so if your parents walked in now they'd be confused as all hell.

"It's a little blurry," Heeseung remarked as he looked at the camera roll.

"That's perfect," you rolled over, facing him. "It'll look even more candid."

The next picture that you prepared was a little bit more risky, but all the more impactful.

"So... So.. Uhm—" Heeseung's cheeks burned as he explained it to you. "I think it would scare him if he thought he was messing with a super buff guy, you know?"

"Uh huh."

"W-Well," Heeseung grimaced. "If I send— like— a picture of my muscles, or something, I think it would scare him off."

You blinked. "Is this just an excuse to show off your biceps?"

"No!"

As you tuned out Heeseung's rambling, you thought for a few seconds. If you were a guy, and some girl's boyfriend caught you trying to flirt with her, what would make you piss yourself?

Well, it would definitely be any explicit indication of intimacy... Your lips moved faster than your mind.

"What if you sent a picture of you with hickeys and lipstick marks?" you gushed.

Heeseung choked on his spit, coughing so loud that you thought he would burst a lung. His face was bright red, his eyes as wide as saucers as he stared at you horrified.

"A picture of me with what?!"

"Hickeys and lipstick marks," you said casually.

"And where would I get them?!" Heeseung was going to faint. If you said what he think you were going to say, he'd absolutely combust—

"Me, duh."

Flames. Absolute flames. That's what Heeseung felt on his skin. Were you just suggesting that you could give him hickeys and lipstick marks? His heart was pounding in his chest, so loud that he could barely hear his own thoughts.

"I mean, if you don't want to, we can just—"

"No!" Heeseung interrupted you, as if he wasn't as red as a tomato. "I can take it!"

And that's how Heeseung found himself sitting on your bedroom floor, his body so hot and hands clammy as he watched you roll up his sleeve. 

Here was the plan for this picture: You'd put a few lipstick marks and hickeys on his biceps and neck. That way, he could snap a quick picture of that area alone while flexing, effectively scaring off the guy.

(Or maybe this entire plan was a very poor excuse for Heeseung to pretend to be your boyfriend and for you to kiss him.)

"Have you ever gotten a hickey?"

Heeseung's cheeks flared. "N-No."

You quickly put on your most pigmented lipstick. Slowly, you leaned closer to Heeseung's neck. He could feel your breath against his ears, making him want to squirm away. You put your hand on the other side of him so that you could stabilize yourself.

"Well," you whispered. "It doesn't hurt, so don't worry."

You brought your hand up to Heeseung's hair, gently tilting his head back to get better access to his neck. 

"Can I...?" you rasped, wetting your lips.

"Y-Yes."

And with that, your lips attacked his neck. You made sure to press on firm kisses so that the imprint of your lips would be defined on his neck. 

With each kiss, Heeseung let out a quiet whimper, his eyes squeezing shut as his arm jerked out to grasp your arm gently.

He felt like he was dreaming, because here he was, having you kiss him. No intense build-up, no dramatic reason, just because it was funny and you wanted to fuck with someone. God, Heeseung would be lying if he said he never thought about what your lips would feel like. They were always so pretty, and so soft.

All throughout his life, Heeseung had never had a romantic experience. It was his first time ever being kissed on the neck, and goddamnit was he sensitive. The way your lips pressed against his skin made him feel so weak. 

He wanted to be closer to you, closer than whatever this stupid little plan was. He craved it.

His other arm came up to slither around your waist, pulling you even closer to him.

"Hees— Heeseung— Ah—" you pulled your lips away, both of your hands coming up to clutch his shoulders for stability. "What are you doing?"

Heeseung's pupils were blown out. 

"Get on top of me," he breathed desperately, "Please."

"Shiiiit," you cursed under your breath, before you plopped down on his lap, your legs on either side of his hips. 

The two of you locked eyes, staring into each other's swirling pools of color. You could've been lost in Heeseung's eyes for minutes or for hours, there wouldn't have been a difference.

Oh, how much you wanted to kiss him. Not just a stupid little kiss on the neck. You wanted to kiss him on the lips, kiss him so hard that he forgot his own name.

Yeah, you had a crush on Heeseung Lee. You always had, and it seemed like no matter what, you were always bound to be downright attracted to him. God, you wanted him so bad.

Meanwhile, blaring alarms were going off in Heeseung's head. 

He wanted to kiss you so bad. He wanted to drown in you, for you to be the only thing enveloping his senses.

Except... he had no idea how to— he had no idea now to express that. And it was making his head spin.

You opened your mouth to speak, not realizing that Heeseung, too, had something to say.

"Hee—"

"I—"

Both of you shut your mouths so quickly.

"S-Sorry," you stuttered. "Go ahead."

Heeseung blinked a few times, before he shut his eyes. You watched how he parted his lips, yet no sound came out, almost as if he was searching for the words in his head to say. 

"I-I—" he started, before cutting himself off. His eyes squeezed together, his brows crashing together. You could feel his body tense under you.

"I don't know," he finally got out. "I-I— I don't know what—"

You brought your hand up to cup his cheek reassuringly. Slowly, he opened his eyes, and your thumb rubbed his cheek gently. 

"Tell me," you whispered. "Tell me, baby."

Heeseung gulped. He felt like he'd melt under your gaze, but the way you were so gentle encouraged him. Heeseung kept his eyes glued on the floor, because if he even dared to look you in the eye he'd turn to stone.

He took a deep breath. He'd tell you how you made him feel. It shouldn't be too hard, right?

But the moment that he opened his mouth, his brain turned to mush.

"I want to— I just— I don't know—" he stammered— "I wish I could— You know— It's hard to say, and—"

And if it wasn't for the way you stifled a giggle, Heeseung thought he would've gone on like this for another ten minutes. 

The moment that Heeseung realized you were smiling at his struggle, he shut his mouth, letting out a groan. He threw his head back, bringing his hands up to shove his face in.

"Shut up," he groaned. This was so embarrassing. He could feel heat prickling on his skin. His face was so hot that he thought he'd explode. "Shutupshutupshutup!"

You giggled again, this time using both your hands to cup his face. 

Despite your cool, nonchalant exterior, you were giggling and kicking your feet on the inside. 

"You're—" you breathed— "You're such a fucking loser."

Heeseung was about to tell you to shut up again, but you cut him off.

"Can I kiss you?"

You relished in the way his eyes widened, probably the widest that you've ever seen them. So cute.

"P-Please."

And with that, you smashed your lips against his. 

Poor boy, he was completely frozen at first. But as you swiped your tongue over his bottom lip, you relished in the way that he let out a gasp, giving you just enough room to slip your tongue inside his mouth. You explored his mouth— every corner and every crevice was meant for you to corrupt. 

You could feel his hands fall down at his sides. Of course, a loser like Heeseung wouldn't know where to put them. As you taste his lips, you guided his hands to your thighs. He gasped again, and you took this as an opportunity to deepen the kiss. As you did, Heeseung squeezed your thighs, letting out a whine.

Finally, you pulled away.

The two of you stared at each other, both breathless with swollen lips.

And as you caught your breath, you breathed, "I like you."

Maybe he would've been too stunned to speak after a kiss like that, but your words a loud "Huh?!" spill from his lips.

You grasped his chin, pulling him in again. 

"I like you," you murmured against his lips, your eyes lidded.

Heeseung's breath hitched. "I—"

"Was that what you were going to say?" you said slyly, unwilling to hide your teasing tone. A whimper came from him. "Did I beat you to it?"

You ghosted your lips over his teasingly, loving the way that Heeseung leaned forward a little bit, whining as you pulled away just enough for him to miss you.

"Just—" he murmured, "Just kiss me already."

"Gladly."

And with that, your lips crashed together. This time, Heeseung's lips were moving, too. He was a clumsy kisser, someone who had no fucking idea what he was doing. But that made the kiss even better. You've kissed many boys, but for some reason Heeseung was the best kisser you've had. You could taste him.

"Such a fucking loser," you murmured. You felt his hands slide up your waist, squeezing you.

"Yeah," Heeseung mumbled against your lips, and although his words were muffled, his voice drove you crazy. "Yourfucking loser."

Immediately you pulled away.

You looked at Heeseung, and he looked at you.

.

.

.

You bursted out laughing, and so did he.

"God, you're so cheesy!"

"Shut up!"

BONUS

You rested your cheek on Heeseung's shoulder, watching as he typed away. After all this, the two of you still needed to fulfill your plan: fuck with Mr. Dick Pic.

"What are you going to say?" you asked, nuzzling your face into Heeseung's neck. You admired the purple-pink marks littering his skin, the ones that you left. Your lipstick marks smudged when you and Heeseung were making out earlier, so you had to redo them. It was hard, because all Heeseung could do was giggle like a little girl.

"Trust me, I'll cook something up."

And cook he did.

[name]: she's busy bro

[name]: [photo]

The first photo he sent was the candid one of you.

You waited a few seconds, and Mr. Dick Pic immediately opened the message.

Heeseung hid your phone from you, so you couldn't see the guy's response.

But what you could see was how he furiously typed away.

You thought it was funny at first... until Heeseung was typing paragraphs and paragraphs so loud that you could hear his fingers tapping the scream.

"Hold on, babe, I'm fighting this guy!"

"Just block him...!"

Some things never changed.

[sainns]

OBVIOUSLY.

𝓢.ㅤ he can't tell if you're joking or not.

SJYㅤ୨୧ ⠀ femreader⠀ . . .ㅤ fluff jake's pov reader's flirty ig you could say college au jake's a hashtag overthinker AND oblivious not proofread as usual sawryㅤ715 words

"you're, like, kind of gorgeous,"

"woah, what?" jake gapes at you from over his laptop screen. you're sitting across from him, supposed to be helping with the research for your project. your laptop isn't even out on the table, though, but he swears he saw you typing away five minutes ago.

you hum, "you are gorgeous, actually. not kind of,"

"is this— what are you talking about? this is so random," he lets out an amused breath, running his hand through his hair. he could feel his heart racing, "i don't usually get called gorgeous,"

"i was just making an observation," you reach forward, pushing his screen down a little, "do you wanna be called handsome instead? or pretty?"

he blinks, "well, no. i mean, i don't care,"

you nod, "okay,"

he expects you to say something else, but you don't, smiling at him instead as you pull out your phone, seemingly scrolling through instagram or maybe twitter. he can't really tell.

he doesn't understand you. you're honest— to an insane level. catching him off guard on more than one occasion, an instance from last year coming to the forefront of his mind.

you had told him how you would give up everything to be his girlfriend, and then you moved on like it was nothing.

it was confusing to him. he swears it's just your personality; you're honest and flirty, and you make jokes that sometimes don't feel like jokes (the girlfriend thing, for example). he knows they're jokes, though.

or at least he thinks he does.

sunghoon told him that you only act that way with him. you haven't ever told sunghoon you wished you were his girlfriend or that he was gorgeous.

"do you like me?"

you look up from your phone, your eyes wide and eyebrows raised in surprise at his sudden question. hell, even he was surprised at what he said— it was egotistical, thinking that someone likes you just because they complimented you, but he blames sunghoon and jay. they both put the idea in his head, and after your comment, he couldn't not ask.

if you said yes, he could ask you out. he'd ask you on a date and eventually ask you to be his girlfriend, and if you said no then . . . well, he doesn't know what he'd do.

he'd probably have to avoid you for a while, out of embarrassment. hopefully, you'll be able to move past that and be friends with him again.

you laugh— a small, shy laugh, like you're nervous— and you bring your hand up to wipe away an imaginary speck of dust on your skin. "obviously. i mean, i think it's obvious. is it not?"

"seriously?"

"yeah," you say, placing your phone down and leaning forward, "was it really not obvious?"

"i thought you were just playing around,"

you stare at him in disbelief. "jake, i kiss you all the time,"

his face heats up at your reminder. you do kiss him all the time, among other things. now that he's thinking about it, the two of you have a pretty physical relationship.

"on the cheek! i figured you were a touchy person. do you really like me?"

"oh my god, jake. yes, i like you. a lot. i don't do anything i do with you with anyone else,"

"oh, okay, cool cool," he taps his finger against the table, looking everywhere but you. he has no idea how to handle this information— how on earth did he not know you like him? he's going through your friendship, and you were, in fact, obvious about it.

"jake."

he blinks, "what?"

"do you like me?" you're staring at him, a little amused and annoyed at the same time.

"oh, sorry— yeah. yeah, i do. i do like you. do you wanna . . . fuck, can i be your boyfriend?"

you laugh once again, less shy and more teasing. his nervousness is making your nervousness go away, it looks like. he's glad that his lameness can bring you some joy, whereas he wants to go cry to sunghoon about how stupid he's being.

"sure. i did say i'd give up everything to be your girlfriend,"

then you give him the prettiest smile, and he thinks that he's simultaneously the luckiest and stupidest man in the universe.

note. i feel like this is bad and makes no sense but idc i just like oblivious jake and wanted to write smt for him :/

[mahoutoons]

honestly, i am so deep into magical girl fandoms that i forget their focus on female characters and sapphic ships isn't the norm in every fandom. like i was just watching this video because i needed some background noise while i drew

and i was so blown away by how male centered all the fandoms featured here are. m/m ships are the front and centre while f/f ships and female characters are pushed to the back. even in fandoms with a more platonic/family oriented focus, the relationships between male characters always take precedence over those of female characters. and you can't tell me "well, the female characters in x media just aren't well written" because male characters can be worse written and fandoms will take what little personality they've been given and make so many aus, hcs, fanart, fanfics etc. bbc sherlock fandom gave a male character who never even fucking appeared in the show a whole personality, backstory, characterization etc but never bothered to do the same with the female characters they claim were poorly written.

and honestly, its so sad. because there's so many good female oriented media and f/f ships out there but they just won't get the attention that male oriented media gets because people always need a man in everything. you can use the excuse of the female characters being poorly written all you want but even in media where they ARE well written, they get pushed aside in favour of men.

and god forbid you call this out, especially if you're a lesbian, you'll be accused of being homophobic and hating all mlm. i've seen it happen so many times on twitter. just because someone criticizes how mlm always gets precedence over wlw, doesn't mean they hate mlm. mlm rep is important but it sucks how its always given preference over wlw just because people prefer following men's stories than women's stories.

[okiedokrie]

Dress

Summary: Watching your best friend get hot was a struggle, him not fucking you was harder.

Characters/Pairing: Best Friend!Lee Chan (Dino) x Fem!Reader

Genre: smut, porn without plot there is some if you squint

AU/Trope Info: Best Friends to Fucking, College AU

Word Count: 1.2k

Warnings: Jealousy, some threats of body harm to self and to others mentioned, smut warnings under the cut

A/N: tagging @bitchlessdino and @the-boy-meets-evil as the main enablers of chan porn, thank you to @wonuvs for beta-reading!

Smut Warnings: Unprotected sex, marking, overstimulation, lmk if I missed anything!

Silence. Patience, pining, and anticipation. You think you might be going insane with how hard you're holding back from exploding in his face. You watch your best friend, Chan, talk to a girl, who in your opinion is too into whatever he's saying.

Like, okay, he's funny. But he's not squeeze his arm and throw your head back funny.

You're convinced if you stare hard enough you'll be able to burn a hole through the skull of this- objectively pretty- girl. Yeah, you can't get too jealous because she's gorgeous and you would've probably hated Chan if he fumbled her.

Still, that doesn't quench the burning hot jealousy you feel. The fire burning in your stomach being the catalyst for the events that followed that party. The unmistakable, ugly, green head of pure jealousy.

Chan, with his stupidly sculpted face that you've watched mature over the years, his perfect long black hair, his muscles pressing against his shirt, leather jacket, sittable nose-

You just think it's unfair how hot Chan has gotten and he still hasn't thought of fucking you. This isn't fair at all.

Just as you were about to successfully finish off the poor girl in various different ways, Chan finally noticed you stewing in your own envy; hands almost shaking from how hard you were holding back from him.

Chan excuses himself from the girl, much to your relief, to finally join your side again.

“Hey babe, you holding good here?” He says, with that signature, annoyingly charming, dopey smile of his.

“Chan, not gonna lie, I'm gonna fucking kill myself if you don't fuck me right now.” 

If Chan was surprised at your sudden horny outburst, he didn't show it. Ever the giver he is, he gives you one last dopey grin before leaning in to catch your lips in a searing kiss.

The force of the kiss caused you to drop the cup you were nursing, the warm beer spilling and soaking into the carpet, but you didn’t care—that was going to be Soonyoung's problem.

Your hands snake up from his firm chest tothe back of his neck, using it as leverage to pull yourself up to his height while pressing him to you.

You both separate from the kiss after remembering that you are, in fact, in public.

“Fuck, get me upstairs now.” You almost said in a whine, desperately clinging onto Chan like your life depended on it—and franky, it actually does.

He just giggles while gently guiding you upstairs to his room, a hand on your lower back while he guides you up the stairs. Entering his room, he stops to call for you,

“Y/n.” 

Your name on his lips made the world stop for a second. It was something simple—he's said it a thousand times—yet, the way he says it now makes you not want him as a best friend. Your name felt like a sleeper agent phrase that awakened a different level of horny in you that you didn’t think was possible.

Instead of replying, you opted to keep kissing him: his lips, his cheeks, his jaw, his neck, everywhere your lips could reach.

He falls onto the bed with a soft rustling noise from the sheets, and climbing on top of him, you greedily grind your clothed cunt on his hardening cock under his jeans. 

“Oh fuck, don't do that, not in that dress. I'm gonna cum like in my pants like a loser.” He smiles at you, nose wrinkling in a light-hearted grimace. 

“Oh, Channie,” you started, “I only got this dress so you could take it off.” 

A pathetic moan leaves him, eyes rolling to the back of his head as his hips jump, his hard cock pressing onto you.

Your lips meet his again. He swallows your sighs of content when his bulge bumps against your throbbing clit, his hands running up your thighs, hot palms dragging up the length of them under the fabric of your dress.

Grabbing handfuls of your ass, Chan keeps the pace as you continue to grind on him, swallowing each other's noises of desperation. 

Chan holds you close to him as he flips you both over, rolling you on your back, his lips reluctantly detaching from yours to trail sloppy, wet kisses down the column of your throat, letting out quiet moans at the taste of it.

Sucking on a specific spot on your neck, Chan's fingers hook on the straps of your dress to shimmy it off of you,  causing a shiver to run down your spine. Now, almost naked in front of him, you paw at his clothes. He pants as he shrugs off his jacket and takes his shirt off, your bare chests pressing against each other's as your lips meet for another feverish kiss.

“Chan, get naked quicker, please- I– I need you inside me so badly.” You whimpered, not caring if you seemed too needy because soon after, Chan's jeans and boxers are on the floor, and his hard cock slaps on his abs, his tip red, angry, leaking for you. Just looking at it, you’re convinced that thing could easily reach up to your throat. 

Ripping your panties off, Chan gets on top of you. “Fuck, you're so wet, lemme hit, babe.” Laughing, you give him the go ahead. Then, his lips are on yours, kissing you as a very large cock tries to split you open.

Your eyes roll to the back of your head, the satisfying burn of his cock occupying all of your thoughts, successfully dicknotizing you.

Chan wastes no time to set a brutal pace, his heavy balls slapping against your ass while his pelvis deliciously hits your clit. Clawing at his sheets, you let out loud, unashamed moans, not caring if someone at the relatively calm frat party downstairs heard you.

“Fuck, do you know how long I've dreamt of this? Finally getting to fuck this pussy like it's mine? Are you mine, babe?” Chan babbled, pussy drunk and distracted by your tits bouncing at the force of his thrusts.

You're no better than him, already so out of it that you can’t even process the filthy confessions leaving Chan's mouth. Licking your lips, you tilt your head up to suck marks into his skin, burgundy bruises soon blooming as his hips stutter. 

The desperate slapping sounds of your groins meeting shift to shallow ones as you both near your climaxes, Chan letting out precious little gasps and cut-off moans with every thrust.

Not doing any better than him, you whine, dragging your nails down his back, angry red lines appearing on his skin at their wake.

Then, your highs hit you at the same time, white hot pleasure seeping into your bones and boiling under your skin, ears ringing and vision blurring. With a gasp, Chan spills his load deep inside your gummy walls, making your cunt clench around him, sticking to him like a second skin.

Still in that post-orgasm bliss, Chan's hips don't stop moving. stretching your pussy with his cock over and over again, making you both dizzily cling to each other, bodies shivering, mouths drinking in the other's whimpers.

Chan was rutting his hips into yours like he'd perish if he stopped, both of you cringing from over stimulation, Chan sobbing about how good being inside of you felt. Even after just orgasming not 10 seconds ago, he's still hard and desperate to dump another load into you.

You're not sure if your night would end, even after the 4th time he made you cum.

[poppy-metal]

idk if u plan on making clingy!Reader an AU but I imagine the first time they hook up she’s just crying and babbling about how thankful she is for this, that he’s the first guy to ever want her, no one would even look at her ,, and Patrick just kinda melts and goes even harder

This may or may not be a tad bit self indulgent 🙂‍↕️ (ugly loser core)

please patrick taking readers virginity is so 🥺 he doesn't expect it to be a big deal - i mean, he knows it is for you - and he'll make it good, of course - you're not the first virgin hes fucked, and a part of him likes it. the scummy part - the part that likes that hes leaving a mark, not on your particularly, but on anyone. virginity is a construct blah blah blah, whatever - he's your first. you'll remember him. he's important, he matters.

he knows he's a bit fucked when you shake under him - and he has the urge to soothe you - so he does. strokes his hand up your trembling thigh and tells you how pretty your pussy is - parts your shining lips with his fingers and has to swallow because fuck you're small down there. he knows he's gonna stretch you out and you're gonna choke his cock - fuck, fuck fuck.

he pumps you full of his finger - crammed tight in your wet squelching cunt - forcing it open as you twitch and whine and you're so cute, you grip onto his forearm where its flexing and you let out these little hitching breaths - cant get out full sentences, hes already making you feel so good.

he wants to put his tongue on your pussy - wants to spread you all the way open as wide as he can so he can lick you where you're all pink and wet inside - tongue your clit till you cry because if you're this overwhelmed by his fingers his tongue will drive you insane. and that's bad because this is a one time thing and he knows he's not sticking around for a second, even if your sounds are cute and your pussy is so fucking hot and tight and he wants to lean down and really make you gush on his face - tongue down between your cheeks until he - but no.

he fists his cock and when he works it inside you he looks down at where you're struggling to take him in but fuck, you take it. the flared lips of your cunt splayed around the thick intrusion of the first cock in your body - he should've fucked you on a nicer bed - not his shitty fucking box spring that creaks under his knees as he forces more of himself into you - you deserve better but it doesn't matter, does it because you picked him and you're fucking gagging for it -

"so big - so big, i - oh its -"

and you reach down to feel where hes splitting you open - eyes wide in wonder like you can't believe he fits - that you're really being penetrated by a cock - and its thick and heavy and wide and pushing pushing pushing - making room where you thought there was none.

"patrick -"

you say it kind of helplessly - like you're almost scared, shocked by how much you like this new feeling. your eyes roll back and then he feels your walls clamping around him and fuck - he looks down, lips parted -

"oh fuck, baby - are you coming?"

he cant believe it. not the coming part - he's fucking golden on making people cum on his dick. its the fact that its your first time and he hasn't even gotten to the whole fucking part of you know, fucking - and you're already spasming around him and arching like its an exorcism and jesus christ he thinks this is the most turned on he's ever been in his life.

he hunkers down over you, knees sliding against the backs of your shaking thighs to spread them wide - bears down and starts working his hips - needs to feel that pussy as it cums on his dick for the first time - you wail. hands flying up to his shoulders like you dont know if you want to claw him closer or push him away.

he makes the decision for you - overpowering you easily with your wrists in his hands, pinned down on either side of you - legs forced apart to bear the brunt of his thrusts -

he gets in your face. the dogtag necklace he wears bumping your chin as his lips skim yours - "that's so fucking hot - little virgin pussy likes this big dick inside er'? dont push me away - you fucking came all over me - can fucking feel it on my balls, you little slut - fuck -" you're going cross eyed at his thrusts at his words - he can feel the effect of it, the ripple of that pussy right on the veins of his dick as he fucking pounds you. "- was gonna be gentle but you fucking botched that - you fucking take this cock -"

he thinks you're perfect - perfect and beautiful and you cling to him and take everything he gives you like its the best thing you've ever felt. his lips crash against yours - less of a kiss and more of just a hungry mawing - you open your mouth to him and let him lick inside it - fuck his tongue down your throat and when he pulls back and wraps a hand around your throat, testing, you arch into it.

and when he says "open your mouth." it opens, wide and pink inside - and when he fucking spits in it and tells you to swallow that shit you do that too, a dazed look in your eye and he realizes you'd probably let him do anything to you.

and that might be too much power for him to have.

[undercoverpena]

you're a prize

joel miller x f!reader

summary: it's date night, and joel takes you to the fair

wordcount: 1.9k warnings: allusion and minor mention of smut. no outbreak. established relationship. joel is cute and wants to win you something. an: written for @iamasaddie's zodiac sign edition writing challenge. i got the lovely joel, fair au and virgo. I ignored the word limit, I’m sorry!!! thank you to the @thetriumphantpanda for proofing this little baby for me.

The air smells sweet as you step out of his truck.

Popcorn, cotton candy, and fried treats waft through the air, mingling with the cooling evening breeze as you take in the colourful stalls and bright lights.

The sound of his door slamming brings your attention back to him. His face is tight, unreadable—chest slightly puffed out, his hands fidgeting with his belt before he runs a thumb along the tucked-in edges of his shirt. Fixing. Adjusting for perfection, as though this were your first date and not close to the hundredth. When his eyes finally meet yours, you grin a little wider, and his own smile begins to break through.

It had been Tommy’s idea—but you’d suspected it was actually Sarah’s. The masterplan being laid out when you’d made coffee, the promise of an empty home, a coincidentally timed advert in the newspaper about the fair being in town as you looked at Joel:

Wanna take me to the fair, Miller? Show me how teenage you would have wooed me.

Sometimes, you can’t quite believe he’s yours.

A thing you’d said when you’d begun getting ready, your outfit laid out, putting your necklace on when he’d walked into the bedroom, shirt open, jeans unfastened, belt hanging there—a sinful picture that somehow was real and yours.

It’s why you’d breathed it out, caught off guard, made the two of you leave far later than you’d told yourselves when he’d left this morning. Your eyes having dragged up and down his frame in the mirror before you pressed the very same words to his mouth. Hungry, all of a sudden desperate. Fabric dragged down his arms, jeans somewhere at his ankles—pulling and tugging, needing more until he was on his back and you found yourself sliding down his cock, finding all semblance of words unable to form.

Somehow, even now, an hour later, you have to pinch yourself.

Unable to wrap your head around the fact that your things are alongside his. That you wake up and sleep beside him. A chance encounter, a right-place-right-time, turned relationship.

A thing you know he thinks too—confirming as much when sleep threatens to take him, the veil of honesty at its thinnest as he murmurs about not deserving you, that he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about you the first time you’d met.

He makes up for the handful of hours he can give you between working, parenting and sleeping, by writing poems between your thighs, scriptures against your skin, mouth and neck. Making promises he did his darndest to keep.

“You look good, Miller. Don’t worry.”

“Not worryin’.”

You make a soft noise to yourself, offering your hand as the strings of multicoloured bulbs draped between the parking lot and the stalls flicker on, casting a warm glow across his face as you smile at him.

Date nights happen so infrequently, that you’re not sure you remember how they go outside of takeout and movies on the sofa. Not that you complain, happily trade almost any evening for one of them.

“God, you’re handsome,” you whisper, tightening your fingers around his hand—looping them, feeling how much larger his is, than yours—as your other arm bends at the elbow, slinging around his neck. “Fuck I’m one lucky lady.”

He snorts, loudly. His eyes flick to the side before they land back on you, bashful, soft, as he clears his throat and you scrape your nails against his scalp. “Think I’m the lucky one.”

You smile, all uncontrollably as you inhale the scent of his aftershave. It’s all wooden-edged, peppery—just him. Reminded all of a sudden to the wisp of it the night prior, the fan having picked it up, blew it across the room as you turned a page in your book and heard him sigh, would do anythin’ for you.

“I could kiss you.”

Licking his lips, flicking his gaze from yours to your mouth and back. “Yeah?”

You wonder if he catches how it leaves his lips. How wrecked it sounds, how it’s more gravel than velvet, making heat bloom in your stomach as you draw a shape along his scalp.

“Could. But won’t. I think I need a corndog, maybe a ride on the Big Wheel. Real date night vibes first—not often we have some alone time. Don’t want to squander what Tommy has given us.”

Scoffing, he shakes his head, “Tommy.”

Grinning, you nudge into him when he tugs you to begin walking. Glancing up to notice how the sky is shifting in real-time from deep blue to velvet indigo—feeling him release your hand, to slide an arm around your waist. Guiding. Leading through shifting crowds.

You feel grateful, almost overwhelmed, as you take in the scene around you. On both sides, colourful stalls burst with energy, each humming excitedly. The ring toss calls to you with glistening glass bottles and the satisfying clink of rings, while the joyful pops of balloons from a nearby dart game fill the air.

It becomes apparent, quickly, you’re not sure where he’s leading you—not as you pass cheers that grab your attention, only jolting back to him when he comes to a stop at a stall. One less busy, the outer edge overflowing with giant stuffed animals and oddities—

“Hey look, it’s you.”

Your eyes narrow, flitting around, staring as he squeezes your hip.

“There,” he whispers.

All gruff, right into your ear. His breath dances along your cheek. Making your throat dry, making heat bloom between your legs when his chest becomes flush with your spine, and you follow where his finger is pointing, finding at the end of it—

“A sloth. Like you.”

“Fuck you, Miller.”

His laugh ripples out of him, loud, cracking in places as he wraps an arm around your chest, keeping you pinned—letting you feel how it rumbles through him, vibrating your bones with it as you find it hard not to join him. Shaking your head, but smirking, staring up at him before he presses the softest kiss to your forehead.

The same kind he leaves in the morning when he gets up before you; the same one he leaves on your skin when he walks in and finds dinner cooked, and the evidence of a hard day on your face. The same one that means three words, a thing you’re happy to take, each and every time.

“Gonna win it for you.”

“Joel, c’mon, you don’t need to do that, can just go on the ride, grab a snack and go—”

“I’ll be quick. Promise,” he replies, tightening his hold across your chest, mouth dropping back to your ear as children scream as they run past, “Lemme win you a prize, baby.”

Rolling your eyes, tongue in cheek as you stare at him. “What if you’re the only prize I need?”

He contemplates, in the way he always does—mouth scrunching up, nose twitching. “Still gonna win you a sloth.”

Folding your arms, you see little point in arguing. Resting your hip against the side, watching him familiarise himself with the goal: aim the rifle at the row of little metal flaps and shoot them down one by one—each having painted in little ducks on in faded yellows, and in your opinion had seen better days.

It's odd to see a rifle in his hand—wooden, smooth, worn from countless hands over the years. You're so used to seeing him with a tool of some kind or a coffee mug when he's at home.

Joel's first go isn’t too bad. The second, third and fourth, range from worse to about the same.

Each time, he grumbles—a little grunt here, a fuck there. It hissed, whispered—right under his throat with the passing reminder of children still running around the place—as you shift from leaning to standing, and arms folded to hanging loose at your sides.

“Joel, c’mon, let’s go play something else—”

“Goddammit, I can do this.”

Placing your hand on his forearm, feeling it twitch under, spotting the way his bicep twitches under the fabric of his shirt, you busily focus on his face. “Hey, I know you can. But, I want to go on The Big Wheel—maybe, make out a little, you know? Little over the clothes. See what it was like to date teenage Joel Miller.”

His jaw ticks—teeth running over his bottom lip as his nostrils flare as he inhales. His grip remains tight on the toy, fingers flexing over the trigger as your palm rubs in a line up and down his arm.

“One more go, promise.”

Smiling, you close your eyes and shrug—dropping your hand. “One more go.”

Stepping back, watching him nod to the man to reset the metal flaps, you have a thought. “Hey.”

Brown eyes meet yours—the bulbs of the stall reflecting in them, making them shimmer, shine. His face smoothed out, soft, as though work hadn’t been stressing him for weeks, as though bills hadn’t been keeping him awake.

“You win me that sloth, Miller, maybe I’ll ask the guy at the Big Wheel if we can stop at the top and admire the view.”

His eyes narrow, staring, your tongue dragging along your upper lip before your teeth bite on your lower and you tilt your head. Then, his eyes flash.

Head turning, cracking it on either side as he adjusts his stance and squares his shoulders—his grip different, almost more expert as you press your thighs together at the sight of his arm flexing again, his neck tensing.

Then, he knocks one down and your pulse hammers in your ears. The second makes you jump a little, as your heart skips a beat in your chest.

And you know he still has three attempts for the third, plenty of time. But you pinch your thigh through the fabric skating over them. Trying to level your breathing; trying to not move in anticipation. Fingers almost wanting to cross as you stare at him, admiring, unable to tear your eyes away from him—

Then the third rings out.

Metal clanging—a win announced, practically bellowing and vibrating through the air as he cheers when the bell is rung and you find yourself with your arms around his neck. You don’t think as you press a kiss—all painted in joy, happiness and pride—against his cheek. Feeling his heart pounding in his chest when your hand slides over it, rubbing, trying to soothe it as he shakes his head in disbelief when the toys is held out to him.

He takes it, his hand large and strong, the same one that just skillfully shot down metal ducks to win you a prize. As he hands it to you, his other arm slips gently around your waist.

“Told you I’d win you it.”

“My hero,” you smirk, tapping his nose with the sloth’s hand.

Feeling him pinch your side, forcing a giggle out, he drops his voice again, “C’mon, want my prize now.”

“Am I not your prize?” you tease, smiling, faking innocence as he stares—blinking, unsure what to say.

“Some parts of you more than others.”

Grinning, mouth falling open in shock, you hear him chuckle. “Good job I’m interested in finding out what winning tastes like.”

His eyes darken, lips parting as you watch him swallow, before he groans all in the back of his throat. “Yeah?”

Nodding, you bite your lip. “Wanna see how much it costs us to have five minutes at the top?”

Joel practically drags you towards the Big Wheel, the fair music blaring from it as you clutch the sloth toy tight to your waist, trying to keep up with him, grinning, from ear to ear.

[writerpetals]

mbfw: jealousy | 🔞

; optional male lead smut |  ☁️

w / au's: werewolf!au, bestfriend!au, getting you off with his fingers (again) ...

summary: he takes you to a party where another wolf hits on you, leading to a fight between the two of you

a/n: part three to my best friend's werewolf !! part two: mbfw: boundaries i have a lot planned for this AU but this might be the final part for a little bit~ <33 (i actually have something so unhinged planned for this au... i'll just say hope you've been doing your cardio because you're running through the woods from him one of these days)

words: 6679

“Don’t you have any other friends you can beat in Mario Kart?” You groan at your best friend as he places first in the third race in a row. It was just supposed to be a chill Saturday after finals. Not too long and you’re free from school. You’re settled between the boxes of pizza on his bedroom floor, when he drops the controller to the ground and leans back against his bed frame. 

“No, I don’t like hanging out with people.” He begins flipping through his phone before quickly showing you a video of a kitten, making you both giggle. “Cute.” You roll your eyes at him.

“We hang out all the time.” You lean next to him, watching the videos that pop up on his screen together. 

“You’re you, not people.” You hum at his response, watching another video until he closes the app. “Are you going to tell me what happened?”

The mood shifts. It always does when the wolf is mentioned. You shrug and grin, trying to ignore it. “I’m not one to kiss and tell.” 

“You kissed him?”

“Yeah?” You blush, heat filling your face.

“Was he… a good kisser?” Why does he sound nervous when asking? He must pick up on you noticing. “I’m asking to make sure he's’ not crossing a line. And to make sure you’re still enjoying it.”

“You don’t have to worry about him, okay?” You reach out and nudge his arm. “Tell me a story from your sex life so I don’t feel so exposed.” 

He laughs and shakes his head, in deep thought for a second. “I once was in a girl’s pool. Her parents weren’t home. Well, they weren’t supposed to be. Suddenly they’re there with the lights blinding us and I can’t find my swim trunks.”

Your jaw hangs open seconds before you’re bursting into laughter. “What the fuck did you do?”

“I did the respectable thing and ran out of there butt naked. What else could I do?”

Your sides begin to hurt. “I’m having the funnest time picturing that! How could you never tell me?” You fall into him as you laugh, but he can only shake his head and grin.

“I didn’t want you to know me like that,” he whispers. Your laughter begins to die. 

“Well, I can’t say much,” you say, settling next to him once again with arms wrapped around your knees. “You’ve had all these experiences and I’ve had none.” 

“I know. I made sure to keep guys like me away from you.” You frown at his confession. Was he serious? 

“Guys like you?” The sweetest, kindest, most selfless guy you know wanted to keep guys like him away? “Why-”

“I didn’t care about those women,” he interrupts, running a hand through his hair. “I just wanted somewhere warm to stick my d-”

“Okay! I get it!” You hold your hands up, stopping him. “Let’s not talk about these girls like they’re not people with feelings.”

“Sorry.” He sighs, leaning his head against yours. “Still getting used to this whole thing. Talking about our sex lives. I don’t think about women that way, anymore, if you’re worried. I was a stupid, horny kid.”

“Good. As long as you’re more respectful now.” He pulls away and nods his head, clearly unhappy with his past behaviors, but it shows he’s learned and grown from it. “Or else I would have to kick your ass.”

“You?” he asks, a devious glint in his eye. “Kick my ass?”

Before you know it he’s grabbing you to stand, turn, and pull you to the bed. His hands are everywhere as his fingers unleash a ruthless attack against your ticklish sides.

“Stop!” You squeak, but then you’re giggling and squirming beneath him. He’s laughing at your attempts to get away from him. “Stop right now or I’m calling your mother.”

That gets him to stop, but now you’re breathless from laughing so hard. You assume he’ll pull away, but he only leans in, burying his nose into your neck as his hands grip your wrists. He pins your hands above your head while he takes a long, deep inhale of just you. Your body shivers beneath him while he runs his palms down your arms, your sides, your hips, and finally your thighs, slowly caressing your body from top to bottom.

Then he pulls away, clearing his throat. “Wolfie said you were beginning to not smell like us. He didn’t like it.”

You’re shocked, jaw slacked, still trying to catch a breath. “Wolfie said?” 

He shrugs. “Yeah?” 

You look down at yourself still laying on his bed as he hovers over you. You pull your shirt to your nose as you sit up cross-crossed, inhaling. “I smell like the perfume you got me for my birthday so I will never understand this scenting thing.” 

He smiles. “Other wolves can smell it. Since you’re going to the party tonight with me, it’s important you smell like me so every wolf there knows you’re claimed.” 

“Hmm, interesting,” you hum as he takes a seat next to you on the bed. “What if they think we’re together? Like, you and me and not your wolf side?”

“They’ll just assume we’re fucking. Don’t worry about it.” 

Your eyes go wide. “What?!”

“Humans don’t get invited to these parties because they’re mated. They’re there to fuck wolves. Why do you think I didn’t want you to go in the first place?”

“So they’re going to think I’m some kind of werewolf bunny?” Frowning, you try to wrap your head around it while he laughs. “Is that what you would call a human that dates werewolves?”

“If you want me to call you bunny, I can.” You shove him while he laughs.

“No thanks.” Then you sigh. “I asked him if you were okay with this. Like, actually okay. He said I created you and you both only want what’s best for me.” It’s silent for a moment, bringing the conversation back to earlier and what happened between you and his wolf.

“Yeah?” He crosses his arms and nods, eyes fallen to gaze at the floor. “Makes sense, I guess. I mean, you’re my best friend. Of course I want what’s best for you.”

“But, what if something happens one day?” He turns to look at you and you offer a shrug. “What if we stop being friends?”

He frowns. “Why would we ever stop being friends?”

“I don’t know. Weirder things have happened.” Look at the situation you’re in now. Not that you would ever consider not being his friend. It’s simply out of the question and why you’re trying so hard to make sure he’s okay. “Hypothetically, then, what would that mean for your wolf side? I can’t continue with this if it’s going to cause complications in your life.” 

He bites his lip, taking in what you’re saying. Then he exhales and his shoulders slump.

“Do you feel happy?” His question catches you off guard. You were talking about him. Why is he making this about you?

“Yes. I’m happy,” you tell him honestly. The wolf side of him may scare you a bit, but it’s still your best friend. “I don’t know if he’s capable of it, but I just feel so loved in the most physical sense with him. He’s taken care of me in the most intimate kind of ways. It’s like I can just turn everything off and experience this otherworldly pleasure from someone who is also my favorite person in the world and it makes me so… happy.”

He grins at that. “Then what else is there to worry about?” 

“I don’t want to be selfish,” you whine. Why is he being so difficult? Just talk about your emotions! He’s not usually this stubborn. “If you’re unhappy or this is getting in the way of you living life then I need to know!”

He shakes his head and laughs, turning to look you in the eyes. “Why is it so hard for you to accept being first on someone’s list?” Now that has you shocked. Your jaw slacks. He reaches for you, grabbing your hand to force you to listen to him. “You’ve never felt like you deserved to be my friend and now you feel like you don’t deserve to be my wolf’s mate. There’s only one person here unworthy and it’s not you, so just stop worrying. You’re worth every ounce of love either of us give you.” 

Okay now you really were crying too much lately. How is your best friend always so sweet with knowing the perfect thing to say? You just did your makeup for the party before coming over, too. You begin batting your eyes so black mascara doesn’t drip down your cheeks.

“Is it something in your scent that makes me so emotional lately?” you ask him with genuine concern, but he just starts laughing at you. “I swear I’ve cried more in the past few weeks than my whole life!” 

“It can make things more intense.”

“That’s what he told me.”

“Why did he need to tell you that?” 

Shit. You told on yourself. You have no choice but to finally tell him what happened. He turns away to lean against the headboard as you take a deep breath. He stares at you, not so patiently waiting for your answer.

“Well, the last time I saw him, when I … finished… I began crying. I’m not sure why.” You shrug, looking down at your crossed legs, thumbs circling each other. “Not out of hurt or anything. I just felt overwhelmed.”

You dare to look at him looking at you. His jaw is tense for a split-second. “Come here.” He motions with his head for you to come closer as he rests against the headboard of his bed. 

“Am… am I in trouble?” you ask which has him grinning. 

“Come here. You need more of my scent on you before we leave for the party. I don’t need any young, dumb ass wolves getting ideas.”

Makes sense to you, sighing and making your way over to him. Your head falls to his chest, hand resting against his stomach, and he holds you with an arm around you. It’s definitely not the first time you’ve cuddled with him. He always felt so warm and safe. Sometimes you would do it just to fall asleep. He was a sweetheart because he never minded. 

“Speaking of scents,” you begin, feeling him angle his head so he can look at you, “what if I wear your clothes and I’ll smell more like you?”

“You’ve been wearing my clothes.” It’s true. His hoodies are the coziest. You can’t help that. They all smell like him to you, so you know they would ward off any wolves. 

“Well, yeah, but I could wear something of yours every day to keep Wolfie happy.”

“Okay, yeah,” he nods, clearly liking the idea. “That will be good. Wolfie will be happy.”

***

You show up to a bar wearing a large, faded sports t-shirt of his and bike shorts underneath. The shirt smells enough like him already and it’s super comfy. You call that a win-win. He’s wearing his typical black tank top considering it’s nearly summer and now you realize why he’s always so hot. The bar is right outside of town, in the darkest, scariest backwoods spot you could imagine. You think you saw a place just like this in a scary movie. 

The vibe of the party feels way more mature, however. It’s a mix of ages in the place with music playing out of a jukebox and a flirty, fangy bartender serving drinks. Her smile is bright with pointy canines as she notices the two of you walking in, offering a wave to him that makes you feel… something inside of you. She’s gorgeous. You wonder how they know each other. 

You push the thoughts aside and follow him through the bar to have a seat in a bar stool at a small table near the back. He tells you he’ll be right back, he’s going to get drinks. So you scope the place out. There’s eyes on you, no doubt. Some look away when you catch them staring, some don’t. They all feel intimidating to you. You wonder who is wolf and who is human here. It’s clear what they’re thinking. You’re hooking up with him and that’s why you’re here. 

Other than the gawkers, the place is lively. There’s lots of singing, drinking, and some dancing. Plenty of laughter to go around and if you were a wolf, you know you would feel right at home. Sadly, you’re just a human with a wolf best friend, and you don’t know a single person here. It intimidates you, if you’re honest. How could you fit in with this crowd as a human? 

As you ponder the thought, a man sits in the stool opposite of you at the table. He catches you off guard, making you gasp as he winces and raises his hand.

“Sorry, sorry!” he apologizes. “Just smelled fresh human meat and that I’d introduce myself.” His words slur as he speaks the bold words, but he laughs so genuinely you know he’s just drunk. You begin to chuckle at him. 

“So it’s that obvious I’m human?”

He sighs and shrugs. “We have wolf senses. It’s not your fault you smell like you just stepped out of a perfume commercial with sweet, chocolatey desserts. Not an earthy undertone in sight. Or… smell, I guess.”

This has you laughing harder. This drunk wolf is actually funny, and taking your attention off the ones that wish to stare. 

“Sorry, I know dogs can’t have chocolate.” You bite your lip, hoping you didn’t overstep with this stranger, but he throws his head back to laugh a second later. You can’t stop smiling. 

“That is the funniest thing a human’s ever said to me.” His complement fuels your ego. Maybe you can get to know some of these wolves around here. The thought excites you, wanting nothing more than to fit into all aspects of your best friend’s life.

Speaking of your best friend, he comes back to the table with two drinks in hand with a pissed off look on his face.

“C’mon, we can sit somewhere else. It’s crowded.”

Your jaw hangs open, shocked at his words. “Don’t be rude. There’s two more seats.” 

“I said let’s go,” he insists, lowering his voice and looking down at you. 

“And I said don’t be rude.” You stand to take a step toward him, brow wrinkling and arms crossing. “Why are you talking to me that way?” 

The drunk wolf looks on with a smirk, eyes bouncing between the two of you. He looks at the drunk wolf, then back at you. 

“Just do what I say.”

“You’re not my father.”

“Why are you being stubborn? Here, I got you a drink.”

You huff and snatch the fruity looking drink from him. “I’m allowed to have friends.”

“I’m not saying you can’t.” He’s an inch from your face now, voice a whisper with a warning in his eyes. “Let’s just sit somewhere else.”

You stare up at him. “Go talk to someone else with that attitude.” You bring the cup to your lips to take a sip. “Thanks for the drink.” You have a seat on the stool and turn back to the drunk wolf. You hear a sudden splash of liquid hitting the floor. He’s crushed the cup in his hand and you notice the darkness taking over his expression just a second before he turns to walk away from you. 

He leaves you to talk to your new friend in peace. You hate arguing with him, but he has to know that if he brings you to these parties, he has to let you be social. Doesn’t he want you to fit in? 

“So, what’s your name, sweetness?”

Okay, you don’t love the pet name. If you’re honest, it makes you feel a little nauseous. But maybe he’s just drunk, you decide. Maybe he’s overly friendly. You tell him your name and he tells you his. He begins talking about a fight that broke out at this very table the week before. Suddenly, he’s not so funny. 

You look around the bar, spotting your best friend talking with two girls. Two wolf girls, mostly likely. They’re near the bar and his back is to you, but their eyes are trained on him strictly. They hang on to his every word like he’s preaching and you absolutely hate the way they begin to giggle at him. He gives them a shrug and smiles at them before stepping away and you’ve seen enough. This will be your last werewolf party you attend.

You leave the drunk wolf at the table and storm off, passing your best friend on the way out. He tries to speak, but you ignore him, heading straight for the exit. You hear his footsteps behind you, knowing he is following you out into the night’s warm air. 

“Wait up!” He calls after you, but you ignore him. You continue to walk away from the bar, into the darkness between all the parked cars. “I said wait!” He finally grabs your arm, stalling your steps as you nearly crash into him when you’re turned around. 

“Let me go!” You struggle against him until he releases you. “If every party of yours ends with you pissing me off then why did I even come?!” 

He takes a step back. Gulping, he runs a hand through his hair. “Why did you storm off? You’re the one that was chatting up the biggest wolf slut known to our kind.”

“Huh?” Your face twists in confusion. The drunk wolf?

“He only fucks humans. I bet that didn’t come up in your conversation.” His nostrils flare and his jaw tenses up. Now you’re both pissed off. “He finds every new human that comes to that bar, chats them up, makes them laugh, fucks them, then forgets about them.”

That’s why he was trying to pull you away. “Why didn’t you just say that?” You thought you might have found a new friend. The news doesn’t just feel like a slap in the face, but a dagger to the heart. You only wanted to fit in in his world. 

“I didn’t want you to feel worse. You were already upset about the wolf bunny stuff.” He sighs and his shoulders slack. “Why did you storm out of the bar like that? Did he do something?”

“No, you did something.” You huff and cross your arms over your chest. “You left me to go talk to other girls so why should I have stayed?” 

He stares at you, blinking. “You were upset I was talking to someone else.” 

“Wolf girls! That probably want to mate you with and wonder why you’re with a human.” 

He laughs. Actually laughs, and shakes his head. “I didn’t know you were a jealous person.”

You didn’t either. You don’t know why seeing him with someone else caused such a reaction. You just know you feel relief now that it’s just the two of you in the darkness. 

“I’m not jealous, I just thought you were mad at me and maybe those girls would be better for you than me, and ugh, I don’t know what I thought.” The tears begin to swell in your lids. You turn away from him, ready to call a cab to take you home. You aren’t used to this. You need to get yourself under control instead of crying every time you talk to him. 

“Come here,” he commands behind you, making his way to grab you once again, spinning you around to face him. This time, he doesn’t let you go. “What kind of friend would I be if I let you walk away crying? Look, I should have handled that guy better. It was a new place for you, but I saw you laughing with him and I just got pissed. I don’t know why. I’m sorry.”

You sniff and pat a tear away, not wanting to smear your makeup. “I get it. It’s okay. I guess I’m just mad at myself, too.” You sigh and take a step closer to him. “I shouldn’t have acted like that, but this is still so weird to me. I don’t know these people and honestly, I just like it when it’s you and me.”

“I know. I shouldn’t have brought you.” He places his hands on your arms. “I just want you in my life and now you know this whole other side of me. I wanted you to know that side, too.”

“Of course I want to know that side. I’m sorry for getting upset.” You offer him a sad smile. “When I saw you with them, I just, I don't know. Got scared. I don't want to lose either of you, but how could I stop you from your own happiness? What if you wanted to talk to them? Go home with them? I can’t get in the way of that.”

“You’re not,” he says with a stern tone. “Don’t think that way. Remember what I told you.”

You sniffle once again and nod. “Okay.” You decide to trust him. He’s your best friend, so you know he wouldn’t keep things from you. Well, except that he was a wolf, but he had good reason. “Did Wolfie almost come out back there?”

You remember the spilt drink and the crushed cup. It’s clear he was overwhelmed with emotions. Only Wolfie could do that to him. 

“He tried, but I was stronger tonight.” He sighs, taking a step back and rubbing the back of his neck. “I couldn’t stand the fact that my best friend and I were fighting. I had to give you space. I couldn’t let him come and pull you away again. You would have only been more angry at me.”

“He could have. Would have avoided all this drama, though.” Your joke earns a laugh. Your chest feels a little lighter. 

“Don’t let him hear you say that,” he warns you as the two of you make your way to his car. “He’ll never let you go anywhere.”

***

You decide to stay the night at his place since his roommates are both out until the following day. It’s closer and you’re beyond tired from the night. You’ve never dealt with so many emotionally charged situations. It’s beginning to take its toll on you. 

“Are your roommates wolves, too?” you ask in a sleepy voice as you make your way to his bedroom, grabbing your bag to clean your make-up off. 

“Yes,” he sighs, falling into the bed and closing his eyes.

“What?!” You would have never guessed. Maybe that’s why they always acted funny around you. They probably smelled your best friend all over you and made assumptions. Then you let out a horrid gasp, thoughts running through your head before you can catch up. “Can wolves smell periods?”

He opens one eye to look at you. “Yes.” 

So that would explain the random gifts of chocolates, books, pain relievers, and anything else his sweet self could think of to help you. You always wondered how he showed up at the perfect times of the month. 

“That’s incredibly embarrassing. I don’t know why I asked.”

He offers a sleepy smile. “We smell the changes in the body for mating purposes, not so much anything else. Relax.” 

You tuck your bag with your nightly face routine items under your arm and step toward his door. “Well, thanks for all those perfectly timed gift baskets over the years anyway.” You step out of the room to wash your face at the bathroom sink. For a guy’s bathroom, it’s surprisingly clean, but you know he’d have a fit if you were to come over to see a mess. You’ve caught him yelling at those roomies to clean up once before.

You spend a few minutes washing your make-up away and applying moisturizer before heading back into the bedroom. You set your bag down as you spot him on the bed. Normally if you needed to stay the night, he would take the floor. He’s currently shirtless, the covers up to his waist as he leans against the headboard. He’s scrolling through his phone, but the moment he looks through his lashes up to you, you realize it’s no longer your best friend. 

“Come here, baby,” the wolf says. Your heart begins drumming. His voice is low, smokey to cloud all your senses, wrapping around your body to pull you closer. You step toward him. “I missed you.” 

You have no choice but to obey. You crawl to him from the foot of the bed. When you’re close, your eyes rake down his chest and stomach as you settle on the heels of your feet. You rest your palms against your knees and take a deep breath.

“Me too,” you admit. “I was hoping to see you tonight.” 

He smirks. “Aren’t you sweet.” His eyes trail down your body, inhaling a deep breath. “And you smell like me. You’re just perfect, aren’t you?”

Heat floods you. His compliments always feel like a warning, but the way they make you so hot has you disregarding all intuition. This is a dangerous wolf you’re dealing with, but you’re so drawn to him you can’t even remember a time before him. You feel like you need to see him as if it’s your last breath. 

“I had a question,” You tell him, scooting a little closer. You hear his breath deepen, as if he needs his senses full of you. “I know you wouldn’t hurt me, and you want to do what’s best for me, so I’m in control, right?”

He stares at you with darkness, desire, etched in his features. You’re walking a dangerous line and he lets you know by the look on his face. You’re confident he would never hurt you. It’s still your best friend.

“If it makes you feel better to think that, sure.”

He did warn you before he was in control, but you think this wolf is all bark and no bite. He’s only been a gentleman this entire time. Sure, he’s intimidating. What wolf wouldn’t be? His actions prove your curiosities to be right.

“Can I… touch you?” You ask in a whisper. The way his eyes flutter as he takes in another deep inhale tells you there’s something else to the question. Another layer of darkness you’re missing.

“If you can handle the consequences, touch me all you want.” Your heart races at the threat. Maybe he’s not all bark, but you’re willing to find out. You want to feel close with him, touch him, just like he has each time you’ve been together. You don’t want to hide from him, even if it hurts. 

You crawl closer, slowly, still unsure if this is the right thing to do, but you place one thigh on his other side as you straddle him. You’re close to trembling with your hands falling to his bare shoulders, feeling his warm, smooth skin beneath your touch. He takes in a deep breath, body tensing beneath you as you rest your weight down onto him. The sheet remains between the two of you, unsure of what he has on underneath, but you’re still dressed in his t-shirt and biker shorts. 

“Careful, baby.” Another warning for you to ignore. He smirks and licks his lips, hands rising to rest along your hips. “I only have so much restraint. After that stunt you pulled tonight, it’s wearing even thinner.” 

“Tonight?” He knows about the argument, of course. He almost made an appearance at the bar, so of course he knows. You aren’t sure why you didn’t think of having to answer to Wolfie as well, but now you’re a little more hesitant to be straddling him on his bed. “It was just a misunderstanding.”

“A misunderstanding?” He chuckles in a low voice that vibrates you to your core. “The only misunderstanding here is you not believing me when I say you’re mine. That means no other wolf gets the pleasure of breathing your scent, got it?” His hand rises from your hip, up your chest to wrap fingers around your neck. “Which means no other wolf better think about fucking you, do you understand that?”

There’s a dangerous drip of venom to each syllable and suddenly you’re not sure he doesn’t have a bite. The situation has made a much darker side come out, no doubt jealous of the drunk wolf at the party. Now you regret wanting to be so close to him when he’s so worked up. You had no idea this is the wolf you would be facing. There’s an edge to the way he talks to you. You know you should have heeded the warnings before. 

“I’m sorry, I just wanted a friend.” You gulp, feeling the heat of his palm on the side of your neck. He looks at you, running his thumb along your bottom lip.

“You have one,” he replies, the hand resting against your waist pushing you against him to feel just how worked up he is between your thighs. “I’m all you need. So, touch me like you said. You don’t want to keep me waiting.” 

Your body temples at the end of touching him like you previously wanted to. His words don’t invite you, they’re daring you. Touch your wolf just to see what happens. You were never one for making the best decisions, so you begin trailing your hands from his shoulders down his chest. Your palms smooth over soft skin, feeling every hard ridge and curve. Your fingers brush against his stomach, eyes following your touches as he only stares at you. His body tenses beneath your touch. His breaths deepen. 

You brush just above where the sheet rests. Daring yourself, your fingers grip the folded fabric with a shaky hand, releasing a quivering breath seconds before you will yourself to pull the sheet back.

But his hand is around your wrist before you can think. His grip is fiery hot, tight, against your flesh, looking up at him with a gasp. 

“I told you to be careful.” The words are deep and raspy, as if he’s a man holding on to the last thread before insanity. 

“You told me I could touch you,” you whisper, wanting to challenge him but he has you shaken. Your heart races and your body flushes. Heat fills every inch from the anticipation that’s killing you and the hesitation that holds you back. 

“I did, baby, but I also want you to know it takes every fiber in my being to control myself around you because you’re human.” He pulls your hand away from what you almost revealed to rest against his shoulder once again. “I need you so badly and when I end up claiming you completely, I want to know you’re ready. Until then, please, baby, have mercy. I’m only an animal.” 

You get the hint, not wanting to test his patience further since you already made him jealous in the same night. You nod and agree, though part of you still wants to explore him. His scent is filling your nose, after all. Maybe it’s what gave you the confidence in the first place. Or maybe it’s the more that he calls you his, the more you start to believe it. 

“Now, be a good girl and take your clothes off. You’re sleeping naked with me tonight.”

Your eyes pop, jaw slacking. “Um, what?” 

“All wolves sleep naked with their mate. It’s a way to show trust while we are most vulnerable, and our scent on one another becomes stronger. Their bond becomes stronger.” He looks at you, eyes softening just a bit. “Do you not want to?”

How could you say no to him? He only wishes to cuddle you with his big warm body all night and keep you safe and probably give you an orgasm because your pleasure is his pleasure. Every girl’s dream. 

You pull yourself away from his warmth to begin undressing. Drumming away in your chest, your heart reminds you this is the first time he will be seeing you completely naked. The first time, you had some coverage from the robe. The second the oversized t-shirt hid you from view, but now you’re completely naked and crawling under the covers. You didn’t miss the way his eyes devoured you seconds before you retreated to safety under the blanket. 

“Come closer, baby,” he says, wrapping an arm around your stomach to press your back against his chest, snuggling close. His warmth engulfs you, surrounding you with his scent as heat shoots through your body. He curls himself into you, making it clear you would have gotten a surprise if you had lifted the blanket, feeling now how hard he is pressed against you. “I’m not gonna bite.”

“You might,” you whine, eyes fluttering, succumbing to the haze that is all wolf and all him. It sends tingles through your body, so much stronger this way than any other. Your heart races and your pussy begins to ache for him. Suddenly you want his hands and body and mouth on you all at once, desperate for release at the touch of his pleasure. 

“Comfy, baby?” he asks you, then proceeds to press a kiss right behind your ear. His hand resting on your stomach moves lower, his palm caressing circles into your skin. No, you aren’t comfy. You needed that hand much lower…

“I feel so light,” you tell him with a sigh, not stopping yourself from rolling your hips to press your ass into him, “it feels so nice.” His scent makes you feel so safe. All of your worries disappear and the only thing you care about right now is him. How beautiful he is. How tender his heart is. He’s absolutely perfect and he’s all for you. 

“Let me make it feel even better,” he groans, deep and desperately, into your ear. His hand dips lower, fingers slipping between your thighs until he’s caressing your slit. He finds you dripping, soaked for him already and dying for his touch. A gasp falls from a strained breath as he circles your clit, covering his fingers in arousal. “Feels so nice, baby. You’re going to give me this pussy whenever I want, aren’t you?”

“Yes!” you cry out without thinking, hand falling to grip his wrist, hips rolling yourself against him. 

“I can’t wait until it’s my cock here, baby.” His hand moves to ease two digits inside of you, effortlessly, hearing the slick sounds of how wet you are as he buries them deep. Your back arches away from him, head thrown back in a gasp. Your body trembling around his hand has him groaning and nipping at your ear from behind. “I know you would take me so well. I would stretch it so good, baby.” 

“Please,” you whimper just as he begins to curl his fingers, applying pressure inside of you while his thumb continues to circle your clit. Your legs fall open, leaning back into him to give him better access between your thighs. The pleasure swirling in the pit of your stomach tells you you won’t last long, but you’re too far lost in the moment. 

“You’re shaking. I love feeling you like this against me. Trembling and so, so helpless.” He leans in close, lips brushing against your ear while drawing you closer to the edge with his hand between your thighs. “I could ruin you so easily, baby.”

The pleasure surges as the final thread of your control snaps. “I’m… I’m coming…” you cry out, whimpering his name, rolling out your bliss against his hand. Your legs tighten around him, trapping his hand with his fingers still buried inside of you. You come against him with walls tightening around those digits and whimpers of his name fill his room. 

“Such a perfect girl,” he whispers in your ear, coaxing your body down from the high. You land nestled in his warm scent and strong arms. Your chest heaves as you catch your breath, sweat beading against your forehead. You’re completely spent, not wanting to move for three to five business days. “So perfect and made just for me. My mate.”

He kisses the side of your head and your heart melts at his compliments. You don’t want to move. You want to live in his fantasyland, just you and him and the monsters are drunk, evil wolves, and you birth at least six of his wolf cubs.

Wait, what the hell? Your eyes fly open just in time to see him turn your body to lean over you, face to face. Before you can question him, his hand rises to stick his two fingers that had been inside you in his mouth, sucking your juices from his skin and pulling them out with a smirk. “Mine. Got it?”

All you can do is nod with a slacked jaw and parted lips, eyes blinking. As he leaves you on the bed to fetch something to clean you up with, you can only wonder how your life can get any more crazy.

***

The answer to that question is given the next morning. Sunlight begins to blind you as he peeks through the blinds on the windows. It only takes you a second to put the pieces from last night and now you’re panicking because you’re lying next to your sleeping best friend naked. You know it’s him and not his wolf due the way he snores when he sleeps. It’s kind of cute and soft, with a whimper here and there. 

You look over to see him flat on his back, one arm stretched out and what your head is currently resting on. Slowly, you try to lift yourself from the bed to get out of his hold, but it only makes him wrap an arm around you and pull you toward him.  Your body crashes against his, his arms hold you tight, and your breasts press against his cheek. 

He holds you there as you wiggle and try to free yourself, but he’s like stone and sleeps like a rock. “Just five more minutes,” he grumbles. You’re stuck. You don’t want to wake him to get free, but you don’t want him to wake up and get a faceful of your tits. 

Luckily for you, Confident by Demi Lavato starts blasting through the house as everything fades into darkness and your eyes pop open. You were dreaming, coming face to face with a little puddle of your own drool against your best friend’s pillow. 

Thank God you were only dreaming, looking over to see he’s no longer in the bed with you. You look around, noticing he’s not even in the room, quickly rushing to grab his t-shirt and throw it over your head. Just in time, because he comes walking through the bedroom door as you finally turn off your alarm.

“Good morning,” he says with a confused smile before he laughs. “You ok? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You shrug, trying to play it off that you weren’t just dreaming about your best friend. 

“Still have that same alarm song, huh?”

“It’s a classic pop song to get you pumped to girl boss it for the day. Of course I do.”

He laughs at that with a shake of head. “Get dressed. We can pick up breakfast and I’ll drop you off. Take whatever out of my closet you want to wear for the day. Take something to sleep in tonight, too.”

He walks out so you can change and you sigh. He takes care of you so casually most of the time you wonder if he even realizes it.

[zablife]

Runaway with Me

Benny Cross x female reader

Divider credit @firefly-graphics

Summary: You're a nice college girl dating a fellow student and photographer named Danny, but your boring life comes to an end when you meet the man you've previously only lusted after in photos. When you spend a night with Benny, your whole world changes.

Warnings: 18+ MDNI, unprotected sex, language, drinking, infidelity (sorry Danny)

A/N: Kathy doesn't exist in this AU. Only my second fic for Benny. Let me know your thoughts! Comments are love 💕 No spoilers here!

Benny Cross Masterlist

“Hey,” a low voice called to you, rumbling like thunder on a warm summer night. His smoldering gaze stopped the click of your heels on the pavement before you could reach the bus stop, your attention stolen by a good looking blonde. You watched intently as the flashing streetlight illuminated his rugged jawline and muscular arms, sending a crackle of electricity down your spine.

“I know you,” he remarked mysteriously, taking a long drag of his cigarette.

Your throat went dry, as you struggled to answer. Readjusting your purse on your arm, you shook your head before you finally heard yourself whisper hoarsely, “I don’t think so.” However, you knew he was right, you’d seen his photos in Danny’s dorm room, though the prints hadn’t done him justice. 

“You’re that college girl Danny’s always talking about,” he added, eyes roving your body in obvious appreciation.

Your mouth dropped open at the mention of your boyfriend, heart beat quickening as you thought of the way you’d stared at those images, biting your lip in curious desire for a man you’d never met. It hadn’t occurred to you you might actually meet one day, but now it seemed your fantasy was coming true.

Locking eyes with him in a flirtatious stare, you almost felt guilty as you introduced yourself with a coy smile.

Benny's blue eyes twinkled and a wide grin spread across his face as he realized you weren't frightened of him.

"I'm Benny," he reciprocated without saying more. However, the way he allowed comfortable silence to linger, put you at ease long enough to explain that Danny stood you up, leaving you to take the bus home. You couldn’t help the anger that filled your voice, throat constricting with unshed tears as you wondered when you’d be as important as his silly book. 

Seeming to understand your need for distraction, Benny asked, “You wanna get out of here?” He didn’t wait for a reply before flicking his cigarette butt to the ground and throwing one leg over his bike.

As you thought of Danny's calls going unanswered, you picked at the strap of your bag hesitantly. “I don’t know, I should be getting back,” you reasoned quietly with yourself.

Benny held up his hands as though accepting defeat. “You gotta go, you gotta go,” he shrugged before starting up the bike.

You glanced over your shoulder toward the uninviting looking bench under the bus shelter just as the engine roared to life, impulsively grabbing his chiseled bicep. His chin jerked up at you in surprise, that adorable grin returning when you yelled, “I’m coming with you.”

Extending a ringed hand for you, he helped you onto the bike, snuggly fitting your arms around his trim waist with the instruction, “Hold on tight."

You didn’t bother asking where you’d be going, your desire for adventure steadily growing. When he accelerated toward the highway with wind rushing past your hair and colors blurring in your peripheral, you could think of nothing except the adrenaline coursing through your veins and the seductive thoughts multiplying with every new sensation.

Pressing your cheek against his back, you inhaled the intoxicating mixture of pomade and leather, closing your eyes to imagine it mingled with the sweat of exertion. The vibration of the bike beneath your legs, body molded tightly against his made you all the more eager for him.

When he pulled into a local motel and helped you off the bike, your legs had turned to jelly and you couldn’t be sure if it was from the overwhelming experience of the ride or your sudden nerves as you waited to see what might happen next. 

Benny didn’t seem to notice, walking toward his door with a slow, but confident strut. “Want a drink?” he asked, holding the door for you. 

You fidgeted with your necklace as you peeked your head into the small, yet tidy room where he said he’d been staying for the past month.

He offered you the first bottle of beer, knocking the cap off against the dresser with a sharp crack. He shook the fizz from his hand, sucking a little off his thumb before placing the bottle in your hand.

As your fingertips brushed against each other, it renewed the electricity dancing between you, his eyes darkening to a deeper shade of blue as lust overtook his gaze.

With a shaky breath you took a sip and placed the bottle onto the table, quickly forgetting it as he took hold of your arm and pulled you into a searing kiss.

As the cool metal of his rings touched the burning skin of your cheeks, you moaned against him, allowing him the opportunity to lick into your mouth hungrily. He was gentle, but firm as his tongue fought yours for dominance, hands tangling in your hair as his passion increased.

His calloused hands memorized every inch of you on their way down your body to find the hem of your top and pull it over your head. Nipping softly at your lower lip, he distracted you momentarily to unclip your bra and toss it aside, stopping long enough to suck in a breath at the sight of your breasts. 

Ducking his head to take a pert nipple into his mouth he lapped and sucked against the sensitive bud, making you whimper with need. 

“Like that, pretty girl?” he asked softly, hand kneading your other breast until you thought you’d cum from that simple touch alone. Hands resting atop his blonde curls, you pushed him away gently to catch your breath and he huffed out a little laugh. “A little too much, huh?”

Taking his lead, you wasted no time removing his jacket and shirt to reveal the taut planes of his chest and abs. Skating your fingers across the lean muscle with a sigh, you leaned in to place scattered kisses along his collarbone. You watched the vein in his neck jump before ghosting your lips over his throbbing pulse and chose a place to suck a bruise. 

He hissed as you tongued over it in soothing circles, fingertips clutching at your hip when you blew a stream of cold air across his flesh. Deciding to push him further, you snaked a hand down his front, palm gliding over the coarse material of his jeans. A low rumble of satisfaction came from his chest as you stroked his growing bulge, his hips involuntarily bucking against your hand. 

You smirked at his responsiveness and the fact that he was much bigger than you’d imagined. Unable to wait any longer, your fingers fumbled excitedly with his belt buckle, Benny groaning at the promise of release for his aching cock.

Falling to your knees, you helped him out of his pants and watched his cock bounce against his tan stomach. The little gasp that left your throat seemed to amuse him as he tilted his head to savor the sight of you before him.

Hand reaching for him like a prize, you began long slow licks along his shaft before taking the spongy head between your lips, eager to please. No sooner had you begun, he grasped for your shoulder to steady himself from the dizzying pleasure, opposite hand sweeping the hair from your face to watch himself disappear down your throat.

Benny’s moans began to fill the room as you worked, a stuttered breath escaping when you stopped to kitten lick and suck lightly on the tip as you held eye contact with him through your lashes. The sight of your angelic face staring up at him doe eyed, saliva running down your chin was almost too much for him to bear. He knew he couldn't resist you if you continued much longer.

Within seconds you felt him capture your wrists, pulling you up to your feet as he gulped and shook his head. "Not yet, baby."

Walking you backward until the backs of your knees hit the bed behind you, he pushed you onto the mattress with a bounce. You giggled as his eager fingers hooked into the waist band of your skirt and underwear, tugging them down to reveal all of you to him. "So beautiful," he exclaimed, long fingers tracing over your stomach reverently.

He hovered over you, placing kisses to your neck as his fingers found your slick folds, opening you up slowly until you were practically dripping down his fingers. Adding a thumb to circle over your clit, your back arched off the bed and he hushed you with a deep kiss which only intensified when he felt you clench around his digits.

"Need you, Benny," you whined, clutching at his broad shoulders and urging him to rest his weight over you. He pressed his forehead to yours, nuzzling your nose in a gesture far too sweet for the single, powerful thrust that came next. Tears sprang to your eyes from the exquisite feeling of fullness, the pressure on your g-spot intense and immediate.

Benny stilled the moment he'd seated himself inside you, shuddering slightly to hold himself back as he allowed you time to adjust to his size. His cool blue eyes drank you in before resuming a steady rhythm that had you writing beneath him, head tossed back onto the pillows.

The slow drag of his cock against your sensitive walls sent your nerve endings firing little sparks of heat through your core, somehow amplifying the need for more. Benny sensed it immediately, raising your leg to his hip and sank even deeper with a low rumble of satisfaction, matched only by your lustful mewls.

Spurred on by every sweet sound you made, his hips began snapping against you, a light sheen of sweat coating his chest. Your hands flew to his hair, tugging slightly at the roots as your brain fogged with pleasure. As he fucked you into the mattress, your eyes fluttered closed, only vaguely aware of him slipping his thumb into your mouth Sucking eagerly against the salty skin, you heard Benny groan loudly as the sensation shot straight to his cock.

Removing his thumb with a pop, he snaked his hand between you to circle the bundle of nerves at your apex causing your mouth to drop open. He leaned in for kiss unlike before, messy and demanding. "Gonna cum for me, pretty girl?" he asked breathlessly.

You gave a pathetic nod, biting your lip as you felt the coil in the stomach ready to snap. Staring into the oceans of Benny's endlessly blue eyes, a soft static began buzzing in your ears as you heard him whisper, "Yeah? Let me see." His warm breath hit the shell of your ear just as you tipped over the edge, white heat consuming your body. Wave after wave crashed over you, melting your brain and making your limbs turn gooey.

Benny fucked you through it as he chased his own high, hips stuttering before he pulled out with a quick jerk. Emptying himself onto your stomach in hot, thick ropes, he exhaled a contented sigh and smiled down at you with a lopsided grin.

Hours later, overcome with exhaustion, you curled into Benny's side beneath the covers. Safe and warm in his embrace, you found yourself talking about anything and everything. He listened with rapt attention as you described your boring college, the pressure that came with the classes and your dream to escape, seeing the country the way Danny had.

Mostly, Benny listened, but he talked a little about his own travels too. The life he was leading fascinated you and you found yourself wishing you were part of it. However, your voice began to trail off as you glimpsed the far off look in Benny's eye.

Truthfully, Benny found the excitement in your voice endearing and he couldn't help fantasizing about taking you on the road with him. As he idly traced patterns against your arm, he found himself suddenly saying, "Runaway with me."

Clutching the duvet to your chest you turned to stare at him in disbelief. "What?"

His jaw set determinedly, he nodded to indicate he was serious about what he'd said. "Be my girl," he added, eyeing you carefully to see if you'd accept.

Your heart knocked against your chest as you swiftly agreed, moving to straddle him and take his face between your hands for a celebratory kiss.

As the first rays of sun hit Benny’s eyes, he groaned in protest. The morning had come too quickly despite his best efforts to savor the night with you. Turning over in bed to drag you closer to him, his arm stretched over the cold, empty sheets. Clutching the material in his fist until his knuckles turned white, he wondered if you’d caught a cab, leaving the moment you came to your senses. 

Shuffling to the side of the bed to retrieve his jeans, he wondered why he’d been foolish enough to think you’d go anywhere with him when you had so many other opportunities. But he couldn’t think about all that before he’d had a cigarette so he fell out the front door, digging in his pockets for a lighter.

Just as he stumbled off the concrete step, he nearly tripped over the chair you’d placed outside the door, eliciting a cry of surprise from you.

As he quickly apologized, you clutched his Vandals jacket to your shoulders, giggling at his disheveled appearance. He was still effortlessly handsome despite his hair sticking up in all directions, the streaks of golden blonde catching the sunlight and arousing another wave of desire in you. However, you noticed he seemed too distracted to reciprocate.

“I thought you left,” he admitted, graveled voice still full of sleep as he closed the motel door behind him.

You raised the hand that held your cigarette, explaining, "Just came out for a smoke.”

As he retrieved the cigarette he had tucked behind his ear, he considered you warily. "Before you took off with my jacket?"

"I was going to give it back when I came in to wake you up," you explained softly, standing to stub out your cigarette with the toe of your shoe.

He turned his back to you, pretending to survey the parking lot as he nodded in understanding, "You gotta go."

You wrapped your arms around his waist, cheek pressed to his back as you imagined you'd do many more times in the future during long rides together. "We have to go. I thought we were running away together," you reminded him with a playful nudge.

He turned around instantly, pulling you close by the lapels of his jacket for a long kiss. Smirking against your lips he murmured, "Then let's go, baby."

[vraiao]

✰ . college au, fem!reader, reader wheres a skirt, this is SO cliche, plot >.<, scara's a little bit of a biter, orgasm denial once, nipple play, semi-public(?), this has been in the drafts FOREVER and is also really fucking long

you and scaramouche played an innocent prank on a professor-- which led to you both being trapped in a small storage closet. since you'd both be in there for a while waiting for someone to come get you out, why not make it more enjoyable, right? . . .

RANDOM DISCLAMMERR!! this fic has been in the drafts probably like,, since i started writing- WHICH, isn't THAT long ago but my writing style has changed a lot since then. i don't hate this fic so I'm not gonna change anything I've already written, but the smut part is what i didn't get to writing so that part of this fic will be more similar to my current writing style!^_^

for whatever reason, you let scaramouche, aka your university's most notorious troublemaker, coax you into playing an innocent prank on one of the professors that no one liked, which put you in the situation you're in now.

you weren't really friends with him, so you had no idea why he was asking you of all people, but you figured that it wouldn't hurt to do something fun for once. everything went as planned, but there was an unexpected turn of events when you and scaramouche had to duck into a nearby storage closet to avoid being caught by the professor who was chasing you through the halls.

you both slammed the door shut while laughing but also trying to shush each other to avoid getting caught, and you decided to wait it out for a few minutes just so the professor wouldn't see you both and chase after you again. amidst your giggles and shushes, you hear a faint jingle, and you pass it off as nothing before you hear a click followed by that jingle once more. you looked up at scaramouche who also seemed to have heard the sounds, and you both fell silent while glancing between each other and the door.

swiftly, your hand moved to the doorknob and you tugged at it and attempted to turn it a few times-- but it wouldn't budge. you shifted your gaze from the door and back to scaramouche with an inward sigh. "bad news! we're locked in..." you said in a trying-to-be-optimistic tone.

he raised an eyebrow whilst his eyes slightly widened in disbelief. "seriously??" he replied. his hand moved to the door and he did the same thing you did, tugging and turning at the knob for a few seconds, to no avail. he sighed and pulled his phone from his pocket, opened it, and moved to sit in a chair that was sitting against the back wall of the closet. he took a few moments to type something up on his phone before looking back up at you. "i texted a friend for help. they should be here soon, k?"

you responded with a curt nod and rested your back on the wall behind you, shifting your attention to your phone and trying to find something to do to kill time.

you both waited in a somewhat comfortable silence, considering you were both occupied doing whatever on your phones as to not make anything awkward. though as time passed, each moment started to feel longer and longer. at some point, your phone was no longer keeping you occupied and you've resorted to looking around the small closet that seemed to continuously shrink the longer you were trapped in it. not only was your boredom reaching its peak, but with scaramouche occupying the only chair in the room, and there being no space to sit anywhere else, you began to grow restless from standing.

just as you were about to prop yourself up from the wall and attempt to relieve the growing discomfort in your legs by stretching or something, you hear Scaramouche begin to speak and you move your gaze to him. "don't you ever get tired of standing for that long?" he extended his hand toward you with his usual mischievous grin. "here, sit with me," he said.

you raised an eyebrow with a skeptical expression and confusion in your voice. "sit with you? where? there's nowhere to sit," you replied. you figured what he said must've been sarcastic, and that he was taunting you since he was the one sitting and you had to suffer while standing, so you rolled your eyes at him.

he let out a brief laugh at your response and inched his hand a little closer, that smug smirk and undertone of sudden anticipation still apparent on his face. "come on, of course there is!" he said.

you looked at him, retaining that skeptical look, and sighed. though you didn't entirely trust him since he was the one that got you both into this situation in the first place and he was also known for having tricks up his sleeve, you couldn't bear to stand for another second. hesitantly, you reached your hand towards the one he held out for you, and the moment your hands made contact, he swiftly pulled you towards him, making you fall on his lap with your back pressed to his chest.

when you realized what just happened, you hurriedly sat up, remaining on his lap but creating some distance between the two of you. You turned your head to look over your shoulder, and your eyes met his, followed by his cocky grin that seemed to have grown wider. You furrowed your eyebrows and silently thanked the archons that the room was just dark enough to where he couldn't see the faint pink tinting your cheeks. "seriously?!" you said.

he let out a curt laugh and spoke almost tauntingly. "better than standing though, right?" he teased.

you then realized that this was better than putting your legs through any more pain and you sighed, indicating that he was sort of right. "..i guess. just.. not really what i had in mind," you replied. he snickered and went back to whatever he was doing on his phone before, as did you.

minutes pass, and you slowly begin to realize that you still aren't comfortable. then again, you remind yourself that this is better than standing and you won't be truly comfortable until you're finally out of this cramped closet. but that doesn't stop you from slightly shifting on scaramouche's lap every so often to try and make the discomfort a little more bearable.

the way he quietly gasped, his cheeks grew a reddish pink tint, and the way his hand inched closer to gripping your waist every time you shifted went unnoticed by you until you shifted once more and unknowingly brushed the plush of your ass against the bulge forming in his pants, eliciting a sharp gasp from him and causing him to place a firm hold on your waist with a swift movement of his hand. "stop moving so much.." he muttered.

you looked over your shoulder to meet his gaze and he prayed that the darkness of the room hid his flustered expression from your view. "sorry..!" you said with a mixture of awkwardness and guilt on your face.

his hold on your waist loosened but he didn't entirely let go. He took a deep breath and diverted his eyes from yours "it's alright, just.. don't move so much," he replied.

you responded with a curt nod and turned your gaze back to whatever you were doing before. as the moments passed, you found it harder and harder to resist moving even just a little bit. although you didn’t want to annoy scaramouche, you were so uncomfortable with the way you were sitting. you considered just getting up altogether and standing, but you didn’t want to be rude since scaramouche was the one who offered you a seat in the first place— and you'd rather not have aching legs from standing uncomfortably.

after a few minutes of silently fighting back and forth with yourself on whether or not you should move, you inwardly sighed and decided to move just a little in hopes that it wouldn’t be too much of a bother to him. in doing so, you heard a muffled groan from him and felt both of his hands steady at a firm grip on your waist.

he leaned forward, and you felt his hot breath fanning your ear as he spoke to you in a steely tone. "you really don't listen, do you?" he paused, a hand moving from your waist to trace gentle circles on your neck with his finger as he continued on, "then.. i guess I'll have to teach you how to."

you heard a low chuckle from him before he began to slowly drag his tongue from the bottom of your neck to the point where the tip of your earlobe met your jawline, gently kissing the spot where his tongue stopped afterward. shivers flew down your spine, and he hummed to himself, gently kissing the back of your earlobe before bringing his voice down to a low, daunting whisper. "i'm going to ruin you," he muttered.

your eyes widened and you swiftly turned your head around and raised your voice almost to a shout. "what are you--!!" but before you could finish, he placed a shushing finger over your mouth and spoke in between the kisses and gentle bites that he started to place all over your neck. "shhh," he began. "you wouldn't want anyone to hear us, right? hmm.. what would they think if they found us like this..?"

though you weren't looking at him, you could perfectly imagine the cunning smirk plastered across his face. his hands moved again, one stationed back to your waist, holding you in place while the other rested on your thigh, though slowly creeping up and moving toward the hem of your skirt while his fingers delicately tapped along your skin.

while his hand dipped under the fabric of your skirt and teased along your inner thighs, he started pressing slightly harsher bites on your neck, pinching your skin between his teeth hard enough to leave small red marks.

this was all too much. you were feeling so many different things all at once and everything scaramouche was doing was moving far too fast for you to process. your head spun as your hands clenched at your sides, and he was absolutely reveling in the power he held over you.

he pushed his hand forward, deftly dragging his fingers along your soaked panties, your breath hitching as he pressed against every little spot that made you want to squeeze your thighs shut. to prevent that, he placed a hand on your thigh and every time you tried to close your legs he'd just squeeze you harder, his nails digging into your plush skin.

his breath was hot and teasingly heavy against your ear, the feeling sending a shiver down your spine as he let out a mocking chuckle, "look at you. I've barely done anything yet," he teased.

you huffed. you couldn't tell if you were frustrated at how he was teasing you or because he was doing this in the first place, but either way, it did not matter-- it wasn't like he was going to stop any time soon. without warning, he pulled your panties to the side, not even bothering to pull them off before slowly slipping one finger past the entrance of your cunt.

slowly, very slowly, he moved his finger back and forth and back and forth, his pace painfully languid. he was teasing you, and you knew it. you couldn't deny that what he was doing excited you, but it wasn't enough. with furrowed brows and an expression akin to frustration, you bucked your hips forward in an attempt to gain friction-- but scaramouche was quick to put a stop to that. his free hand moved back to your waist, pulling you back against him and holding you still. "so impatient," he muttered before finally slipping another finger in.

you gasped feeling his second finger slip inside of you, though he still retained that same teasingly slow pace. as he worked his fingers in you, scissoring them back and forth and such, hushed moans and gasps spilled out of your mouth. though he, mere moments ago, told you to keep it down, he was a little dissatisfied with how quiet you were being. he leaned in, seductively whispering into your ear, "come on, pretty. i know you can give me more than that," he said before finally picking up the pace, moving his fingers a little faster just so he could hear more from you.

just as he'd hoped, your needy whines increased in pitch and you threw your head back, the back of your head resting on his shoulder as you arched your back forward. taking this opportunity, he bit down hard on a sensitive spot on your neck, and you yelped. he chuckled before resuming sloppy kisses all along your skin.

your face was flushed, hair disheveled, and you were panting heavily as his fingers speedily moved in and out of your dripping cunt. biting your lip, you tried to silence your moans, but he only increased his pace in response. your vision was splitting in twos, and you could swear you were seeing stars. nearing the edge, you found yourself caring less and less about the volume of the lewd noises that were leaving your mouth.

pure ecstasy was the only way you could describe what you were feeling in this very moment. a moaned whisper of his name spilled from your mouth, and just as the tightening knot in your stomach was about to snap, he suddenly came to a full stop, pulling his fingers out of you just before you came undone.

you whined in protest, looking back only to see him teasingly licking his fingers while eyeing you. slowly, he moved them into his mouth, sloppily licking all of your arousal off of them with his mouth open just wide enough for you to clearly see his tongue swirling around his slender fingers in delibaretly slow motions.

he slowly dragged his fingers out of his mouth, the tips of them still connected to his mouth by a string of saliva before he pulled them away. "like what you see?" he said. you huffed. despite such lewd situations, he could still be such a tease, and you disliked it. again, his lips moved back to your neck, licking and biting at the already red and purple marks all over your skin.

he moved his hands to where you couldn't see them, and behind you, you heard a zipper before feeling something long and hard pressing against your back. it took you a minute to realize exactly what that was, but by then it was too late. with both of his hands placing hold on your waist, he lifted you a little up and forward before bringing you back until you could feel his tip prodding at your hole.

you bit your lip, unsure if you guys should be doing something this sinful in a place like this, of all places. "wai— hngh!!" before you could protest, he bucked his hips up and pulled you down onto his dick. he bottomed out in you so quickly, and you moaned, the feeling of being so damn full sending you reeling.

he lifted you up again, pulling out until just his tip was left in before slamming you back down, the way he so easily manhandled you knocking the wind out of your lungs. as he repeated his slow and harsh thrusts, you could hear husky groans spilling out of his mouth. "this, is what you get.." he trailed off, his nails digging into your waist as he tried to keep his composure, "..for being so.. disobedient...!"

your hand flew to your mouth, desperately trying to muffle the strident moans that you were letting out. in between your stringy whines, you tried to protest, "i'm a-ah..! 'sorry!!" after slamming into you once more, he suddenly stopped, leaning in, his voice dropping to a low, seductive whisper as he spoke. "oh, you're sorry, hm? does that mean you want me to stop?" frantically, you shook your head. your mind was spinning in so many directions, but if there was one thing you knew, it was that you definitely didn't want to stop now. besides, the two of you were already too far into it to just end it now.

"n..no!" you choked out. he chuckled, "good," he said before bringing your hips up once more and slamming you back down on his dick, groaning before he spoke again "that's what i thought." he picked up the pace, repeatedly bouncing you up and down on his cock with rapid motions-- quickly turning you into a moaning mess. moving one hand away from your waist, he lifted your shirt, your bouncing tits on full display for him.

he had one hand on your waist, and the other was groping and squeezing one of your boobs, pinching and rolling your sensitive nipple between his fingers while he feverishly bucked his hips forward. he began to place kisses from your shoulder blade all the way to your ear before teasingly whispering to you. "can you imagine if someone walked in at this very moment? what would they do if they saw you like this, hmm?" he said. you whined out in protest, too fucked out to even try and form coherent words, but he continued to toy with you. "well, judging by the way your pussy's clenching around me, id say you like the idea of being caught."

you shook your head, but you couldn't deny the thought of it did turn you on a little bit. though before you could think about it more, he suddenly lifted you off of him, standing you up as he stood up with you before pushing you forward, bending you over with your hands against the wall. you didn't know just how many more of sudden movements you could take, and you were about to question him before you felt his hands take firm hold on his waist and he thrusted into you again.

already, his thrusts were accelerated and a little erratic, his dick hitting you in spots so much deeper than before. you couldn't control your moans anymore, and you honestly didn't care who heard you at this point. by now, he had driven so many marks into your skin by how harshly he gripped you-- not that you minded. you were so close, and your head was absolutely spinning. your vision was going blurry, and you could hardly form a single coherent thought as you felt the tightening knot in your stomach about to snap.

with a desperate cry of his name, you finally came undone, spilling all over him and leaving a milky white ring at the base of his dick. clearly, that did something to him, as his thrusts got more erratic and you could feel his dick twitch inside of you. "ah, fuck," he muttered. he leaned forward, chest pressing against your back as he harshly snapped his hips forward with a speed that knocked the wind out of you.

shamelessly moaning into your ear, he let out a strained groan as he finally came, spilling ropes of his warm, sticky cum right into you. his thrusts slowly lost speed as he made sure to fuck his cum deep into you before he came to a full stop. he paused for a moment, catching his breath before you felt his dick soften and he pulled out and pulled his pants back on, a few drops of your mixed arousal dripping out of you and onto the floor. he grinned, satisfied at the sight.

your legs wobbled, and you practically collapsed, plopping down onto the floor and leaning your back against the wall with a flushed face and heavy panting. crouching down in front of you, he tilted his head to the side with a cocky grin on his face. leaning forward, he gently kissed your lips, his sudden tenderness a stark comparison to the coarseness of his previous actions. "well? aren't you going to join me?" he said. looking at him, your vision was blurring in and out and you raised a confused eyebrow at him. he did not wait for you to respond before grabbing you by the hand, standing you both up and walking toward the door.

still very confused, you followed him with your eyes as he reached into his pocket and pulled out... a key?? he brought it to the little keyhole on the door and, he unlocked it! your eyes widened, and suddenly everything was starting to make sense.

that cunning bastard.

[all-purpose-dish-soap]

i was swimming in undomesticated waters the other day and mer soap and gaz came to mind while i was out there but i imagined they'd tease me for how inefficient i was compared to them😭

undomesticated waters omg. this is so cute

you're right, though, they'd be incorrigible just like before. all over you!! teasing you, condescending to you about how you have all that leg and you're still such absolute shite at kicking. so mean to you. you half-assedly standing up for yourself, but not really, and they take it as an excuse to push you around in the water. since they have no trouble swimming all around you.

it's just not safe for you at the beach anymore :( 

you make the mistake of floating out on the waves in an inner tube and find it suddenly shrinking? like the air is escaping??

before you can figure out what went wrong, you feel a sharp, mean pinch on your butt.

cue Gaz surfacing next to you, looking skeptical at this... contraption you're using to stay afloat. you need this, really? leave it to a human to put air in a tube so you can laze around in the water without actually swimming.

obviously that's right out. before you even see Soap, he's pulling the sad, deflating inner tube out from under you--claws shredding the plastic until it's well and truly ruined--and tossing it away without a second thought.

and before you can protest too much, while Soap handles that, Gaz is the one dragging you into the water and telling you you're gonna be swimming now. unless you'd rather hold on to him. it's your choice.

you are actually okay at swimming. downright average at it. you can tread water, and kick yourself wherever you need, and in a pinch, you just inflate your lungs and hold your breath to keep yourself abreast of the waves.

okay, yeah, if the waves get choppy you struggle. who doesn't.

not that Gaz and Soap understand most humans are the same way. nor do they listen when you tell them your toes aren't brushing the sand anymore.

you try to swim back to shore, but Soap's sharky teeth nip at you from under the water. you squeak and shove his head away from your body, but then Gaz seizes you. hauls you back. and he only releases you once you're back in deeper waters.

so that's your situation. Soap swims up and down the beach, hunting you down if you try to swim past him. if you do skirt around him, Gaz gets you instead and drags you backward.

you're made to swim this way until you're panting and seriously wondering if they're just waiting for you to go under for good. seriously, you're not an inept swimmer, but how long do they expect you to keep this up??

your limbs are on the brink of giving out, and finally, you give up your pride and cling to Gaz to stay afloat.

you realize your mistake when Soap surfaces way too close to you with a puckish grin on his face.

this was their endgame the whole time, wasn't it?

of course now that you're tired, you have no choice but to let them take you out a little further into the waves.

you can trust them to hold you up in the tides... but you're gonna get merman hands on and under your swimsuit. <3

more mer au / more Gaz / more Soap / masterlist

[kissenturine]

𝐓𝐎𝐎 𝐆𝐎𝐎𝐃 𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 𝐓𝐑𝐔𝐄 kazuha x m!reader — 5.1k words, not proofread, minors do not interact

TO NOTE: strangers to lovers, mentions and use of alcohol (no drunk sex though), kazuha and reader are roommates, sort of college / modern au, morning sex / sleepy sex, praise, pet names (good boy [?], angel, uh i cant remember sorry), aftercare is not written but it is given, praise teehee, reader rides kazuha, kazuha jerks reader off, lmk if i missed any thanks :3

KAI SAYS: GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!! birthday post im now 20 that sounds so old euugghh

Rent was hell.

Your minimum income, which was mostly spent on necessities and college fees, was barely able to pay last month. And now with inflation, you weren’t sure how you were going to make it through another year.

But, there was always hope. It was only the beginning of June after all.

Last week, your friend introduced you to a website to find roommates. Having a roommate would solve a few of my problems, you thought as you scrolled through the site on your computer. For one, the rent would be split between the two of you, which was much more manageable than right now. And, for two, you would get to actually talk to someone every day.

It would be a win-win situation if the two of you got along.

After a few days of thinking everything through, looking at different people’s profiles, because the site was a “Tinder for roommates,” as your friend had put it, you found a man that matched your preferences.

Kaedehara Kazuha.

From what you could tell by his profile, he looked like a sweet man. His profile picture was set to a white cat, and you can see his hand atop its head, gently petting against the cat’s ears. You hadn’t met him in person yet, but through text, you’d managed to get to know him a bit.

The two of you texted about your hobbies and Kauha told you about his life. He was getting a degree in poetry at a college near your house, which is why he selected the area. He told you earlier today about himself. He liked to eat fish and go drinking out. He liked staying with animals he liked warm weather and sunny days, and he liked to spend time with his loved ones and friends.

To be honest, he seemed a bit too good to be true.

But, you think, I suppose some people are just like that.

With a content sigh, you shut your computer. You’d texted Kazuha and the two of you had planned for him to move in today. It seemed a little quick to you, but Kazuha said he didn’t really have anything big to move over. According to him, he’d only be bringing one suitcase and backpack.

Yesterday, you cleaned out the guest room—well, know his room. It was tedious work, something you hoped you wouldn’t have to do again. Ever. But, you supposed it would be worth it in time.

So now here you were, sanding proudly with your hands on your hips smiling at your spotless house. Kazuha better like it here… You think. Your hand goes to run through your hair gently, combing it back. You’re about to flop down onto the couch and maybe take a nap—only for the familiar tune of the doorbell to ring through the house, echoing and bouncing off the walls.

Your head snaps backwards, a nervous smile making its way onto your lips.

You rush to the door, ignoring the slight shake in your step. Your heartbeat quickens and you don’t know why. Kazuha’s a nice man. You remind yourself, though you don’t think that’s why you're nervous.

Slowly, you unlock your door and turn the doorknob with your other hand. And there, standing to greet you is your new roommate. Kaedehara Kazuha.

You greet him with a polite smile, cracking open the door just enough to let him inside. The roll of his suitcase from the sidewalk outside up onto the flooring of your house sends a loud ‘Clunk! Clunk!’ sound and you wince a little.

You shut the door behind you, schooling your expression as you turn back to Kazuha. He trunks to you quickly and smiles gently. “Ah,” he says and his voice is so soft when he speaks, “I’m Kazuha, but I suppose you already know that.”

You introduce yourself, finishing off the same as him with a short, “but I suppose you already knew that too.”

He nods politely a small laugh flitting out of his lips. You lead him to his new bedroom, helping him carry his backpack as he lifts his suitcase, not wanting the wheels to dirty the floor. Kazuha takes a look around, his smile being ever present as you drop his backpack by the door.

“It’s nice here.” He comments, turning his gaze from you to his bedroom.

A bashful grin makes its way to your lips. “Thanks.” You murmur. “Cleaned just for you.”

With that, he’s looking back at you. “Just for me?” He responds, and there’s an edge of playfulness that lies beneath the overlaying gratefulness in his tone. “Thank you.”

You just nod, not fully trusting your voice.

After a moment, Kazuha sits down at the edge of his bed, tracing his hands over the expanse of the duvet. “We should go out sometime.” He says and you blink. You’re face feels warm and you hope Kazuha doesn’t see.

“Like…” Your voice trails off, leaving your sentence unfinished. Like a date? You wanted to say, but your lips don’t seem to work.

Kazuha seems to take note of this, chuckling softly. “Just to get to know each other better. Doesn’t have to be anything fancy.” He gives you a comforting smile and your nervousness seems to dissipate when you look at him.

“Ok.” You agree. “We can plan something for after you’ve gotten more… settled in.”

Kazuha’s smile widens and he gives you a nod. “Thanks.”

You take a deep breath, before speaking up again. “I’ll leave you to it then.” You turn on your heel before walking out of Kazuha’s new bedroom. You shut the door gently before speed-walking to your room and collapsing onto your bed.

Your breathing comes out in soft puffs as you bury your face into a pillow, curling yourself on your bed. What the fuck was that? You cry mentally. You grip onto the bedsheets tightly. Your heart is beating fast and you think it’d beat tight through your ribs if you don’t calm down soon. You bring your hands to your face, dragging them across your eyes. “I’m fucked.” You curse quietly. Kazuha’s so nice! You know you probably won’t even last a month without developing some sort of feelings for him and that scares you. 

You… don’t want to ruin what little the two of you had managed to build up in the past week. As little as it was, you like what you have with Kazuha. In the back of your mind, though, there’s the nagging feeling for more. You want to get closer to Kazuha, you want to spend time with him.

Maybe that date of his wouldn’t be too bad.

With a heavy sigh, you twist your body to lay like a starfish, sprawled across your bed. You turn your gaze to your window, squinting as the sunlight fans through the glass and into your eyes. If you just ignored any feelings that developed, they would just go away, right?

The first six days with Kazuha were… different from your usual routine, to put it simply.

On Monday (because everyone knows the week starts with Monday and not Sunday!) you awoke to the smell of food wafting through the house. You were instantly up and out of bed, barely managing to throw on a shirt—backwards—before you stumbled into the kitchen.

You were taken aback by the sight that greeted you.

Kazuha, in his pyjamas and an apron, was humming a soft tune as he cooked something on the stove. He turns once he notices you, standing in shock by the doorway. “Ah,” he said, “I see you’re finally awake.” He humed, using the spatula to plate a scrambled egg. He handed you the plate and Archons it smelled good. “I made breakfast. Used some of your food, if you don’t mind.”

You absentmindedly nodded, entranced by the way he moved around the kitchen, putting things in the dishwasher, plating his food, and turning off the stove. All of those were such ordinary things, but, for some reason, it just made you more drawn to him.

You brought your plate to the table, pulled out a chair and sat down, still watching Kazuha. “Thanks for breakfast.” You murmured after a few bites. “It’s really good.”

“Well, it’s only natural I repay you somehow.” Kazuha said before sitting down beside you. “You basically lent me your house to live in.” He joked.

“Our house now.” You responded. “Since you’ll be payin’ half the rent.”

Kazuha nods, taking a bite out of his own breakfast. “I plan on spending the week organizing my stuff. Nothing big, just getting everything tidy.” The two of you sat in comfortable silence, basking in the warmth of the summer weather.

Besides that, Monday wasn’t anything eventful.

Tuesday was spent helping Kazuha. Cooped up in his room, the two of you went through his clothes and belongings, organizing them into his closet and drawers. Kazuha had a decent amount of clothes, which were the bulk of what he brought.

You talked and talked and talked with Kazuha. He was so sweet. You swore you’d told yourself that a million times by now, but it was always true. Kazuha’s laugh was soft and kind, he laughed at all your stupid, cheesy jokes, no matter how unfunny they were. He’d help you cook meals—much better than you ever could.

Tuesday was when you had come to realize that maybe you were enjoying his company a little too much. But, you thought, he’s just… fun to be around.

You used that excuse for the rest of the week.

Kazuha was just… nice. Everyone would enjoy his company like this. You were no different!

It was a pathetic excuse, but it was pathetic enough for you to cling onto.

Wednesday you and Kazuha went out and you showed him the neighbourhood as the two of you walked to the store for some groceries. Kazuha took an oddly long time looking through the fruits and vegetables section, eyeing each piece we selected carefully before placing it into the plastic bag we used to carry everything.

It was endearing.

After a good forty-five minutes of walking around the store, the two of you finally decided to head to the cashier for check out. Kazuha was polite as he made idle chatter with them, but you couldn’t help the frown that pulled at your face.

You were right there. If he wanted to talk to someone, why couldn’t it be you? You were sure you were more entertaining than that cashier worker.

But you pushed those thoughts to the back of your mind. You pulled out your credit card, expecting to pay, only for Kazuha to gently pull your hand back. “Let me.” He says gently. Your eyes dart to him and your face flushes when you feel his hand graze gently over yours as he pulls it back.

He wanted to pay for you.

Ah, if you hadn’t fallen for him yet, you sure as hell had now.

He taps his card quickly and you barely manage to make it out of the store while avoiding Kazuha’s gaze.

Things only started to set in on Thursday.

You’d woken up with a heavy migraine and a grumpy mood, so it didn’t come as a surprise that you didn’t want to talk to anyone. Unfortunately, that also included Kazuha. And yet, Kazuha didn’t push you when you refused to talk to him while the two of you ate breakfast.

“Good morning,” He had said in greeting. “How’re you?”

You don’t respond, only taking the plate of food he’d set aside for you. You’re swift to finish your food; shovelling it into your mouth and not even bothering to wait for Kazuha.

He, on the other hand, still had that oh-so-sweet smile of his plastered across his pretty lips. “I’ll take it you’re not feeling great, then.” He murmurs. Kazuha gets up from his seat beside you before handing you a glass of water. “You should drink up. Water’s very good for you, so I’m sure it’ll help you a bit.”

You do as he said, chugging the glass of water in one go. “Thanks.” You whisper. Those were the first words you said to him that day, and you could already feel your migraine easing up. Kazuha is like magic, you think, he fixes everything without even trying.

You gave Kazuha a half-hearted smile before placing your plate and utensils in the dishwasher and heading to your room to take a nap. Naps always seemed to ease your headaches.

As you collapsed on your bed, snuggling up under your heavy duvet, your thoughts drifted back to Kazuha. He was sweet, but you’d also come to the realization that he was handsome. His hair was always up into a ponytail, with that little section of red swooping on top of his ear. His eyes are quite pretty, too. You thought. A shimmering red that often matched the clothes he wore, sparkling as he laughed. And his hands, they looked so gentle as he carried things around. His fingers worked effortlessly as he wrote his poetry in that small notebook of his.

“This man,” you whispered to yourself, “is too good to be true.”

On Friday, Kazuha let you have the honour of brushing and tying up his hair.

He’d caught you staring at him as he sat on his bed, his fingers wove through his white locks. With a raised eyebrow, he beckons you over, handing you a red hair tie. “Mind helping me?” He asked softly.

You complied eagerly, scooting behind him. You ran your hand through his hair, gently scooping it behind his shoulders. Kazuha let out a soft hum, as he nodded in content. Carefully, you pull his hair into a ponytail, twisting the thin band to wrap carefully around it a few more times.

“There.” You said. “It’s done.”

Kazuha turned to face you, his knees pressed much too close to yours. “Thank you.” He grinned, grabbing your hand to rest in between his cool ones. “I really appreciate this.”

Your face flushed, an embarrassing warmth coating your cheeks. You brought your free hand to scratch awkwardly at the back of your neck before mumbling out a response. “No problem, Kazuha.”

Saturday was spent planning the two of your guys’ “date” that would be happening on Sunday.

Kazuha suggested a picnic, and you couldn’t help but agree. Maybe it was the thought of spending a day with him, or maybe it was how he wanted to spend a day with you, but you knew you would’ve agreed to anything he said.

The picnic would be on Sunday, in a park the two of you found online.

After a very successful planning session, the two of you spent the rest of the day preparing and packaging food for the picnic.

It was somewhat chaotic—but it was also fun.

Kazuha taught you how to make his favourite sandwich, how to toast the bread perfectly, and how to cut each one into little heart shapes. All with a soft smile dancing on his pretty lips as he guided your hands gently, easing the knife into the bread.

Archons, you were fucked. How’re you supposed to live with him, like this, every day?

And now, it’s Sunday; the day of the picnic.

Your foot taps nervously against the floor of your bedroom. What am I supposed to wear? Yes, you do know you’re probably overthinking this, but you can’t help it! Not when it’s because of Kazuha! You have to make sure you’re always looking your best!

Your cheeks puff out as a heavy sigh leaves your lips, eventually settling on your outfit of the day.

Finally ready, you nervously open the door, heading out to meet Kazuha in the kitchen.

He greets you with a smile and a call of your name. His arms find their way around your waist in a tight hug and you blink. Oh, oh, oh, oh—what do I do!? When did he get so… touchy?! Not that I’m complaining but—You stand frozen, yet Kazuha doesn’t seem to mind. He pulls back with his signature smile. “You’re ready to go?” He questions, taking a step towards the front door.

“Y-Yeah.” You manage to stutter out. “I’m ready.”

“Great!” He grabs your hand, leading you out of your shared home. He doesn’t let go as the two of you walk to the park. With the picnic basket in his free hand, Kazuha still grips yours gently as he leads you. His thumb runs over the skin of your hand absentmindedly. You think it’s supposed to be a calming gesture, but, it only makes your heart beat faster and your face go warm.

You eventually find yourself in a large field, small flowers adorning the grass. Kazuha tugs a blanket out of his bag, laying it over the grass. He plops down on it, patting the space beside him as he does. “Sit with me.” He says.

You comply quickly, placing your own basket down and taking a spot beside him. “...Thanks for doing this with me.” You murmur, giving Kazuha a shy glance.

He only grins in response, digging through his bag and handing you one of the sandwiches you prepared yesterday. “It’s nothing, really.” He smiles, and you feel a tingle go through your hand where his finger brushes over yours. “I like spending time with you.”

“I like spending time with you too.” You match his expression, your lips pulling into a smile. It hasn’t even been a week, and yet it feels like you’ve known Kazuha for years.

Kazuha grins, reaching into his bag. “Good.” is all he responds before pulling something out. Is that a wine bottle? “Now, would you like a drink?”

You… never took Kazuha as a drinker.

And yet, here he is, drunk out of his mind as slurs slip from his lips. Kazuha calls out your name, his head slipping onto your shoulder as his hands grip the blanket the two of you are sitting on. “Do you…” He trails off. “Do youuu… wanna watch th-the sunset w’me?” He slurs his eyes fixing on yours from his position on your shoulder.

You cough awkwardly. “Kazuha.” You say softly, easing his head off your shoulder. “It’s four-thirty in the afternoon. The sunsets not coming out anytime soon…”

“B-But—” He whines. “It woulda been soooo romantic.” Kazuha grins, his eyes lolling shut as he slumps against your chest this time. “Jus’ you, me, an’ the flowers.”

“Oh, Kazuha.” You sigh. “I’d love to watch the sunset with you, but we have to get you home before dark. It’d be dangerous walking out drunk at night.”

“No!” He cries. “I could… could protect you… from th’danger.”

“Nope.” You say, trying not to let his words affect you. “We’re going home now, okay?”

“Okayyyy.” He whines, dragging out the word as he says it. “But only—only cause you said so.”

“Good.” You wrap an arm around Kazuha, right under his shoulder as you help him stand. You leave him for a bit, turning around to pick up the blanket and his bag. “Kazuha!” You call, and he’s instantly behind you. His arms wrap around your waist, pushing his face into your neck.

“Hm?” He coos. “D’ya need something?”

The warmth of Kazuha’s breath fans over the skin of your neck, goosebumps rising lowly. “N-Need you to carry your stuff.” You mumble. Your hands remove Kazuha’s from your waist, shifting to grab his wrist as you gently drag him off you. “Let’s go home now.”

Carefully, you take Kazuha home, not really minding his drunk ramblings. He goes on and on about the sunset, about how he’d stare into your eyes and giggle while he holds your hand and the sun sets.

It is endearing seeing him drunk out of his mind and yet still so lovey-dovey.

It only takes the two of you a fifteen-minute walk to reach your home and you’re quick to open the door and let Kazuha in, the two of you dropping your stuff as you help him up the stairs, your arm wrapped snugly around his waist. He slurs your name again, his pretty red eyes meeting yours. “C-Can we cuddle…?” He whines and you instantly turn your head, wanting to hide the warmth on your cheeks.

“I…” You whisper. “You’re drunk. Let’s just get you in bed first.”

“Noo!” Kazuha cries, planting his feet on the ground, stopping you. “Y’always make me wait! Made me wait for our date, now you're still makin’ me wait when I jus’ want cuddles!”

“Kazuha, really, maybe we should—” You try to protest, only to be interrupted.

“Please,” Kazuha whines pitifully, “Jus’ for a bit.”

You pinch the bridge of your nose, letting out a deep exhale. “You’re still drunk,” you start, “but fine. I guess some cuddles won’t hurt.”

Kazuha grins happily, snaking his arms around you, just under your arms as he lifts you into the air. “You’re th’best!” He slurs. “Come, cuddles time.” With that, he’s lifting you up and carrying you over into his bedroom.

He tosses you gently onto the bed and you land with a quiet: “Oof!” Before you feel the bed dip as Kazuha joins you. His arms find their familiar place around you and his nore presses into the back of your head as he twists your body into a spooning position with his. One of Kazuha’s legs is haphazardly thrown over yours, and you feel completely engulfed in, well, Kazuha.

“You’re so handsome.” Kazuha whispers into your hair. “My handsome boy.” He presses a kiss to the back of your head, and you have to remind yourself that Kazuha is drunk. He won’t remember any of this, nor will he ever act like this again.

Still, you end up leaning into the touch, falling asleep slowly, basking in Kazuha’s comforting warmth and love.

When you wake up, Kazuha’s body is tangled with yours. His head is on your chest and his arms are wound tightly around your waist. One of his legs is positioned between yours, his knee pressing against you.

You tug him closer, enjoying the warmth of his body against yours. Kazuha’s head dips between your shoulder and your neck, nuzzling into the spot. You can feel the small puffs of air his lips let out against your skin as he breathes, matching the pattern of your heartbeat as he does.

You grin, pulling yourself to sit up—only to be yanked completely down by Kazuha. “Don’ move, please.” He whispers. “Need t’feel ya.”

“Kazuha.” You complain. “You’re not even drunk anymore—”

“No.” Kazuha murmurs. “Need to feel you.” As the words leave his lips, he shifts his body, pressing his hips flush against your ass. 

Something firm pokes into you from behind and—

Oh.

That’s what he meant by feel you.

Kazuha’s hips start a steady grind against you, pushing his erection into your ass as he murmurs breathless nothings into your ear. A desperate whine slips from his lips as he slowly moves his hands from around you to on you, roaming your chest and up your neck.

“Need you.” Kauzha murmurs slowly. “Need you so bad.”

“I know.” You say, turning onto your side to face Kazuha.

He smiles at you, bringing a hand to cup your cheek. “Please let me have you.” He whines.

You smile, leaning into his touch and pressing a soft kiss to his nose. “Of course, you can have me. I’ve been all yours from the start.”

Kazuha’s lips press against yours as he gently pushes you to lie on your back against the bed. His hands trace your sides, going from your neck to your hips as he pulls your pants down. He releases you from his kiss, the both of you gasping for air as he yanks down your boxers with impressive speed.

A soft whine slips from your throat, needily grinding your hips into the air. “Kazuha…” You moan, needing his touch desperatley. “C-Can you just—”

“I know.” He coos, trailing his hand to your hard cock. “I know, pretty boy, but I jus’ wanna take my time with you, ‘kay?”

You hesitantly nod, bringing your hand to thread through Kazuha’s hair as he peppers an assortment of kisses all over your cheeks. His hand starts a slow rhythm, gliding up and down the shaft of your cock slowly.

His grip is teasing, the way he squeezes up as he reaches your tip, dragging the pad of his thumb down your dick as he does. Kazuha’s fist moves quicker, watching as your eyes scrunch up in pure ecstasy from his ministrations. “That’s it.” He murmurs encouragingly. “C’mon, I know you’re close…”

A gasp leaves your lips as Kazuha drags his thumb over your slit, rolling it and smearing your precum everywhere, watching with nothing but a pleased smile as your hips frantically twitch in his hold. He smiles, pressing a kiss to your neck—right bellow your ear before giving the spot a teasing lick.

Kazuha’s hands work at your dick again and again, sliding with a steady rhythm up and down until your brain feels muddled and hazy. You grip at his wrist, not knowing if you want him to stop or keep going.

“K-Kazuha,” you whine, “please.”

A soft laugh leaves his lips and he once again kisses your neck. “Shh.” He murmurs. “Be patient, my dear.” With that, he’s pressing a harsh bite into your supple skin, letting his teeth graze over before digging them into you. A loud moan slips from your lips, your dick twitching over and over until your eyes are squeezing shut and thick ropes of milky white shoot from your tip all over your tummy and Kazuha’s hand.

“O-Oh.” You manage to squeak out. “You’re good at this.”

Kazuha smiles, helping the both of you sit up—with you in between his knees with his erection still pressed into the curve of your ass. He rolls you over, bringing your hips ontop of his as he pulls his leaking cock out of his pants, watching intently as you practically drool at the sight.

“Ride me, please.” Kazuha whispers, his desperation clear in his tone. You wrap a hand around his dick, rolling the pad of your thumb against his tip before lifting your hips. You line him up quickly, feeling the head of his cock push against your hole. Your mouth drops open, a low whine leaving your lips.

Slowly, slowly, very slowly, you sink down on his cock, taking him all the way in. You’re about halfway in—from what little you can tell—when Kazuha grabs your hips. His eyes are teary, staring into yours as he grabs the fat of your ass, and pulls you down.

A loud moan slips freely from your lips and you collapse onto Kazuha, the both of you panting heavily.

“A-Archons.” He whispers, his fingers rubbing smooth circles over your hips. “You’re so tight, angel.”

Angel.

He called you angel.

You bury your face into Kazuha’s neck, taking in his scent as you breathe. “Kazu…” You whine. “Need you so bad.”

“I know, pretty.” He whispers. His grip on your hips tightens as you lift your head off him and look into his eyes. His deep, red eyes. “C’mon. I’ll help you, ‘kay?” He smiles, pressing a kiss to the corner of your lips before leading you to sit up above him. His finger taps against your waist before he starts. “Lift your hips f’me.” Kazuha instructs and you comply quickly, lifting your hips before dropping back down.

As soon as you drop down, Kazuha’s tip knocks against your prostate harshly and you cry out, your hands barely managing to find purchase against his shoulders. “Good boy.” Kazuha whispers sweetly, running his hands over your chest. “Jus’ like that…” He murmurs. “Think you can keep going?” You nod eagerly, lifting your hips again only to drop down.

Your thighs shake but you don’t care! Not when it feels so good to be bouncing on Kazuha’s dick like this. Not when he hits all those good spots that make you see stars as your eyes roll back.

“Kazuha.” You moan out, rocking your hips tirelessly up and down his dig. You can feel the drag against every vein against your walls, the way he nudges just right against your prostate. Your eyes roll back as your dick twitches against your tummy, drooling pre uselessly as you ride Kazuha up and down, over and over again.

“T-That’s it, pretty.” He whispers. Kazuha’s hands come to grip your ass again, picking up the pace for you as he starts to buck his hips up and into your awaiting hole. “I—holy shit—I’m close.” He whimpers, and you swear there’ll be bruises from how tight he grips your waist. “Need to cum—” He whines, his eyes squeezing shut.

You nod your head eagerly your ass squeezing so tightly around him as he picks up the pace, fucking into you harder. You need to feel him, feel him shoot his load into you. You need it, need Kazuha, need every part of him.

Every time he thrusts, you feel yourself get closer and closer to that sweet release the both of you seek. “Kazu…” You moan out. “Close, close—need you t’k-keep goin’”

“I know.” He whimpers. “I know, ‘m not stopping.” Your eyes rolled back, the familiar warmth building in the pit of your tummy. The way Kazuha’s hands trailed over your thighs—everything he did was begging your body to surrender to the familiar pleasure.

“A-At the same time.” You plead, gripping onto Kazuha’s arm. He only nod, his eyes squeezing shut.

You clench around him and Kazuha throws his head back against the pillows as he buries his dick into you, his hips meeting yours in one final, harsh thrust. He pulls your body close, his arms wrapping tightly around you as he whispers sweet nothings into you.

You feel him cum, a thick load going right into you. You whine, tightening so sweetly around him as your own orgasm hit. “H-Holy…” You whimper, not hvaing the energy to finish your sentence. Your dick twitches between the two of you and you cum. Hard.

Kazuha’s grip around you tightens as he doesn’t even bother to pull out. He grabs the blanket, bringing it over the two of you as he nuzzles your face into his neck, your body still twitching.

Archons. You think, watching Kazuha’s eyes close gently. The sunlight falls onto his face, like a golden halo around his perfect features. How long has it been with him? A week?

Only a week, and you’d managed to fall in love.

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @helloanime @kiekole (send ask without anon to be added)

© KISSENTURINE. do not translate, plagiarize, edit, or repost

[moonstruckme]

could i req any marauder finding r’s sh scars and being loving about them? going through hell rn. it’s okay if u cant, love u mae

Wishing you all the best sweetheart, hope you're doing what you can to support yourself and let others around you support you too <33

cw: past self harm

modern au

Remus Lupin x fem!reader ♡ 1k words

“Did his wife cheat on him?”

“Why would you think that?” 

“I mean, if not, why does the mother-in-law hate her so much?” 

Remus shrugs, a secret smile playing on the edge of his mouth. His knuckles run over the skin of your shoulder idly as he keeps his eyes on the laptop screen. “Suppose you’ll have to wait and see.” 

You huff a laugh. “What’s the point of watching with someone who’s already seen it if you won’t tell me anything?” 

“It’s only ever really fun for the person who’s already seen it. I get to watch you go through the agonies I did.” 

“The agonies.” You roll your eyes, leaning deeper into his side. You could be a bit more convincing about holding this against him, but Remus’ bed is almost as comfortable as Remus himself, and you’ve found it impossible to pretend at being any less smitten with him than you really are. He sees right through you every time. “If you’d mentioned the agonies in your pitch, I might not have agreed to this.” 

“You’ll like it,” he promises, leaning back on you in turn, your shoulder pushing into his arm. 

The two of you are having the laziest of afternoons. What had started as a coffee date had turned into a trip to the bookstore across the street and then a walk in a park, and when it had gotten too warm out for the both of you Remus had invited you over for lunch and somehow you’ve ended up here, sitting on his bed in a borrowed pair of sweatpants while you watch a film on his laptop and he touches you like you’re a fascination he’d like to spend years studying. 

It’s an indolent, distracted sort of touching. Almost like he’s mapping you out in his subconscious, so that someday he’ll know you by instinct and memory but he’s in no hurry to get there. Like he’s got time. It’s also hypnotic. As captivating as Remus’ film selection is, you’re having a difficult time keeping up with the plot when your eyelids are so, so heavy. 

His knuckles stroke over your neck, the bare skin of your collarbone, down the slope of your shoulder. You don’t realize your shirt has slipped off the top of your arm until he does.

You freeze, Remus doesn’t. His fingers continue to graze lightly over the neat rows of scars, slowing as though losing momentum. You close your eyes. 

Emotion rises like a gag reflex in your throat. Apprehension and shame and a guilt you don’t quite understand. Like you’re wrong for ever having had the audacity to hurt, like this is something you’re doing to him, somehow, even though it’s long over and was only ever a misguided attempt at making yourself feel better. It’s nonsensical, and you feel it anyway. 

Remus is quiet for a long while. 

His touch moves back up your shoulder, to unmarred skin and safer territory. He asks, “You okay?” 

You swallow. “You mean, like, presently?”

“Yeah.” There’s the faintest hint of teasing in Remus’ voice. He sweeps his thumb over the back of your neck, an attempt at soothing you. “Or in general, whatever suits you.” 

“Yeah, I’m okay.” 

“I’m sorry if I overstepped just now. I didn’t know.”

“No…no, you’re alright. I wasn’t…” You rub your lips together, taking in what you hope is a subtle breath through your nose. “You’re fine.” 

“Does it bother you to think about them?” he asks. You can feel him looking at you, now, but you keep your eyes on the screen. It’s the only way for you to have this conversation. 

“Not really. It was just something I did for a while, you know?” 

“Yeah,” he says softly. “Yeah, that makes sense.” 

You sit there for another quiet minute, you watching the movie and Remus watching you. The coil of apprehension in you starts to loosen. Your breaths come easier. 

“Sorry,” you say, not bothering to force lightness into your tone, “I didn’t mean to spring that on you. It’s not a secret, but it’s not something that tends to come up, like, casually.” 

“No, hey, you’re fine.” Remus sounds serious enough that you turn to look at him, and you find him with a hard notch between his brows, a surprised sort of frown on his lips. “If anyone sprung anything, it was me. You haven’t done anything wrong. I don’t imagine it’s an easy subject to broach.” 

“It’s not a big deal to me anymore.” You’re beginning to sound almost as if you’re pleading with him. 

“Alright.” 

“And it was a long time ago now.” 

“It’s okay, love.” 

“I just know people sometimes get freaked out, and I don’t want you to worry—” 

“Hey.” There’s a tenderness to Remus’ voice as he cuts you off. His honey-toned eyes are soft. “It’s okay. Can I hug you?” 

You nod mutely. The hand currently resting by your neck slips down to hug your ribs, and his other arm comes around your front, palming your bare upper arm. He rubs up and down comfortingly, seemingly mindless of the faint lines under his touch. 

Remus’ lips touch to your hair. When he pulls you tighter against him, it feels almost like you’re rocking. “You’re alright,” he murmurs, to you, to himself. “You’re alright.” 

“Sorry,” you whisper, self-conscious now of your nervous blithering and slightly stunned by the way he’s touching you. 

“For what, sweetheart? Don’t be sorry. If you want to talk about it—about anything—I will always want to hear it, but you don’t owe me any explanation, alright?” 

“Yeah.” Your lungs deflate a little, a relief you hadn’t known you needed. “Thanks.” 

“Don’t thank me, either.” Remus is teasing again, the press of his lips to your hair at once firm and fond. He lets you go but keeps his arm around your waist, dropping his head to rest on yours again. “You’re just fine, yeah?” 

“Yeah.” You snuggle into his side, somehow safer than before. “I’m good. I’ve been good.” 

His thumb sweeps over your side. “And you can tell me if you’re ever not. You’re perfect regardless.”  

[okwonyo]

𝓒OOL ✴︎ 𝓦ITH 𝓨OU ( 성훈 )

( PREVIEW ：5OO )⠀ ──⠀❛ you may be on my mind, everyday, baby, say you're mine. you and me on my mind, everywhere, baby, say you're mine . . .

there is no one that knows sunghoon better than you. no one knows how much he hates change like you do, how much he hates seeing the things he loves slipping through his fingers. he doesn’t understand why it’s you who keep on changing, on leaving.

｡｡ GENRE ⟢ university au, childhood bestfriend to lovers, angst, fluff, slow burn.

｡｡ WARNINGS ⟢ skinship, kissing, crying, drinking, sunghoon dates a few ocs, sunghoon smokes (in the past and has one cigarette in the present), slight reader x ocs, past addiction, mention of anxiety, slighty toxic, unrequited love, not really unrequited love, complicated romance, they are both really scared to loose each other and that hurts the both of them, “they love each other so easily and naturally that they don’t understand they are in love” trope, repressed feelings at some point .. more to be added.

status : upcoming ︎ㅤㅤ︎ㅤㅤ⠀꣑୧ taglist : open

send an ask, private message or reblog with ‘taglist’ to be tagged when the work gets posted. if you are in my permanent taglist, however, you will get tagged anyway . either way, reblogs, comments and likes are appreciated.

﹙ᵕ ᵕ⠀NOTES — this is my first ever longone shot, so i’m super excited to share it with you all. i have wrote 4k words so far, and i hope to go past the 7k words mark although i only ever posted works with 1.5k words maximum in it. it’s a new challenge for me, i want to surpass myself again, it's fun hehe. good reading with the preview, and don’t be afraid to join the taglist ^3^ ( layout inspired by candlelit, check it out)

SOUNDTRACK

sunghoon never had that much friends growing up.

especially as a kid. due to his cold and passive demeanor. he was— still is, you would joke— that boring, quiet and almost transparent kid that could easily only blend in the background of any space. people often forgot his existence, or just decided to ignore him.

this is the reason no one was sad when he moved schools at ten years old. his social situation didn’t get any better after that. moving to a new a school is never fun, precisely for someone like him. but in the middle of the year, when everyone already had their own friends, it’s not only unfunny, it’s almost sad and definitely pathetic — like him.

as if he had a cold warmth around him; people were too afraid to get cut by the ice surrounding him, too afraid to get hurt by his silence. most of his classmates were scared to approach him, barely giving him a look when he sat at the back of his new class for the first time, forgetting about him at the cafeteria.

his hatred for change added more difficulty to the equation. new places and new faces made him anxious. trying to socialize with the new world around him wasn’t on his moodboard, he didn’t want to try, he didn’t want to get rejected. even if he was well welcomed, his fear of giving too much importance to things that could easily fade away paralyzed him. even if he held onto it strongly until the tip of his fingers turned white, even if he only held it between his index finger and his thumb, anything could slip through his fingers in a heartbeat. he didn’t want to let anyone have a room in his heart, wether it was tiny or big, his heart was locked to keep people away, until he met you.

that day, you made a silly promise. something only a girl of your age would say without thinking much of it. this sentence made it’s way to the heart he put so much efforts in protecting, so easily, so naturally. your voice resonating in behind his ears, flowing like water through his veins, being absorbed by his entire body. he ate this vow like a starving mutt. sunghoon’s chest, where you have build a house as a whole in, still echoes those few words in his being whenever he needs reassurance, “you will never be alone as long as i am here.”

sunghoon only nodded, mouth agape and eyes a tad widened. he reckons how the sun reflected on your face somehow, the wind followed along and played with your hair in a beautiful, almost heavenly motion. your genuine smile reminded him of home.

you were— still are, he would affirm— everything.

and because you still are, the thought of losing you alone sends sunghoon into a spiral. he cannot afford to let you go, can’t afford to see you change, not when you hold such a big part of his soul in your bare hands.

check updates here !

[facefullofsadness]

I can't fall in love with you

university!au

crush!giselle x admirer!reader

prompt - minjeong is so in love with her girlfriend aeri, but so are you, and you can't be

content - angst, complicated relationship dynamics, alcohol usage, allusions to suicide

wc - 3378

a/n - cathartic: involving the release of strong emotions

the sky is covered with dark clouds, there must be rain today.

it's almost ironic how the weather works, considering the number of nights I've been crying recently. it's been weeks since I last talked to aeri. I've avoided her like the plague to run away from the reality of whatever was brewing inside me emotionally that I felt towards her. minjeong is an incredible girl and the only girl that should really matter in aeri's life, I can't possibly interrupt that, no matter how badly I want minjeong's girlfriend.

knowing aeri for months, we grew closer together, to each other. I got so attached to her; she listened to me, let me rant to her about anything I wanted to, important or irrelevant, took care of me in the moments where I felt out of control of my own life, guided me through the days where I didn't want to try anymore, held me and let me cry into her as I shattered into a million pieces. my heart would always swell thousands of times its original size when she would look at me with those soft and kind eyes, running her big hands through my hair and holding me close as I sobbed, her comforting words making me melt all over again.

I love her, I love her so much, but I know that having her is impossible. I'm not the girl in her life that she prioritizes above all, that she would run to even if I'm on the floor sobbing, even if she made me feel that way. I realized this and became terrified, so I ran away. I abandoned her even after promising to never do so, ghosting her in an effort to leave her to live her life as normal, without so much baggage weighing on her shoulders because of me. but I so badly wanted to go back to her, run into her embrace that would instantly cure me of my agony, but I fought myself instead.

I was a fool to think I could listen to my brain and not follow my heart. cause as I drink the last of my third bottle of alcohol of the night, drunk out of my mind, I couldn't stop myself from texting her. of course, I should've thrown out my phone long ago. incoherent words send themselves to aeri, letters I can barely comprehend. but only minutes later, my vision clears when she replies:

</3: come to the playground

the playground near my apartment, a place we knew well, a place we went to for amusement or solace. maybe, this time it was more for conclusion.

"I hate when you're like this."

aeri says as I stumble over myself to reach the pole holding the swing set up.

"you act like I'm self-destructive or something," I respond sarcastically, slurring over my words, the alcohol in my system taking over completely.

she sighs at what I said, "don't joke around. I don't want you killing yourself... don't you see how hard I'm trying for you? don't you know how much I care about you y/n? how fucking heartbreaking it is to see you like this?"

even intoxicated, I can hear the venom in her voice as she gets irritated with me.

I chuckle back, "oh whatever aeri, don't waste your energy on me."

"fuck you y/n, I can't keep doing this," aeri raises her voice, desperation and exhaustion evident in it.

silence hangs for a second as my world spins, vision blurry, the darkness of the night not helping at all. my stomach churns and my heart burns, aching. all the things I want to confess to her getting stuck in my throat, unable to release itself.

I hiccup once before uttering out, "then leave, don't waste your time on me."

the sound of aeri clenching her fists around the metal supports of the swing are loud enough to be heard, but then, it's silent again. the summer late night breeze flows through the air, a solo lamp post above us providing us with the faintest amount of light, distant chirps of cicadas to accompany the noise of passing cars in the street nearby. then, a choked sob from the girl next to me.

I turn towards her, almost throwing up at the sudden movement. aeri's crying, a single tear falls from her right eye, running down her cheek and falling to the sand below. there's no follow-up sobs, just silent teardrops running down her sweet devastated looking face. my whole chest tightens at the sight, making my head spin more as the alcohol clashes with my heartbreak.

"y/n, if you wanted to leave me, you should've just said so..." it's practically a whisper, barely audible to my dazed mind, but I'm fully zoned in on listening to anything aeri has to say in this moment.

her words sink in however, my stomach unsettled from a mixture of the verbal heartbreak and the physical coping mechanism dancing together in tragic collaboration.

"if you were just gonna leave me hanging for so long, you could've just told me," her voice is louder, "do you know how long I waited for you? do you know how badly I missed you? how badly I wanted to reach out to you? it's not like it would've mattered considering you'd just ignore me."

she continues, "I've tried so, fucking, hard, to ignore how badly it aches being without you," each word added with a pause to emphasize herself. "every single second that has passed since you left me, all I've been able to think about is you."

her eyes close shut as she now uses her hands as her emotions pour out her mouth, "I literally cannot stop thinking about you. my fucking head is just filled with you, you, you. I can't be normal, if my ears aren't filled with noise then the thoughts of you come flowing back in and I can't stop them from being loud."

she hangs her head, her arms falling limp beside her, voice quieting down into defeated sighs, "you promised y/n, you promised me you wouldn't leave. but I can't hate you, I've never been able to hate you or dislike you or feel an ounce of disdain or contempt towards you because I don't, I never will be able to. I only but love you. and I can't stop loving you and I don't know how to stop, I don't know if I'll ever be able to stop, even if I tried it wouldn't work because I HAVE tried. and even then, I still fucking love you."

deafening silence hangs once again in the air, the tension palpable. I feel my chest squeeze, the overwhelming rush of emotions colliding with my fragile heart, feeling the liquid courage in my system turn to regret.

"always so eloquent with words, aren't you aeri?" my voice manages to squeak out, surprising myself, "but never enough to read the room."

she turns to look at me, eyes filled with tears. I hesitate from speaking, the words I want to say stuck at the back of my throat, stopping them from spilling out. if I weren't drunk enough to care, I'd listen to my thoughts, but my body reacts on its own, knowing that if I don't speak now, I'll hold this suppressed pain till the end.

"why do you think I've avoided you? why do you think I needed the space and distance? because I didn't want to see you? because I didn't wanna talk to you anymore? because you didn't make me happy anymore? didn't make me feel like the only girl to ever exist in this wicked fucking world, the only person to truly see and love me, the only person to make me feel like I mattered?"

I can't hold myself back as my emotions overflow from my tongue, unable to halt its onslaught, no longer in control of my own self.

I become louder, choked sentences turning into audible begs for her to listen, "do you really think my words meant nothing? that I didn't mean it when I said all those things to you? that you were the first person, the only person I would go to when I felt like shit? did you even listen to me?!"

"of course I fucking listened to you y/n! why are you acting like I'm stupid?!" aeri argues with me.

"because you're blind aeri!" I argue back, "can't you see?! can't you fucking see what's going on?!"

"I don't understand!"

"I'm in love with you aeri! I'm in love with all of you, every single part of you! I love your smile, your voice, your laugh, your body, your hands holding mine, your warm comforting hugs, your hums when I lay on your chest, your pats on my back when everything is too overwhelming, the affirmation you give when I feel like dying, the interest you show when I rant about something stupid, the shine in your eyes when you talk about your interests, the gentleness you give me when I'm crying, the love you make me feel when you simply exist in my presence and even if we're not together you still make me feel like I matter! I fucking love you!!!"

drops of rain softly fall to the ground around us, a light drizzle slowly emerging from the sky, the weight of my outburst heavy in the air.

my voice croaks, almost whispering, "I've fallen so deeply and harshly and intensely in love with you, every part of my body aches because while I love you, I cannot have you. I know you love me too but you can't love me the way I so desperately want you to, the way I so desperately love you."

the moon glistens in her eyes, shiny with tears and cheeks trailing with raindrops. so much pain painted on her face, and yet she's still so beautiful, my heart longs even harder for aeri.

"being around you makes me feel like the angel you say I am, makes me feel like I'm floating above the clouds and you're the reason why I'm able to do that, makes me feel like nothing else matters as long as I have you. but it also reminds me of how it's all not real, how I can't just have you, that I'm not your only one. it's minjeong and it should be, but my god do I wish it were me..." my voice weakens with the last part of the sentence, the tears streaming down my trembling cheeks.

"so aeri, I'm inexplicably sorry for breaking your heart, but mine is shattered too. my reality, this reality, it's unbearable, and I so badly yearn for you. I've been agonizingly in pain wanting you, needing you ever since I've left with no words, but resisting it because I can't ruin the good thing you and minjeong have. no matter how insanely desperate I am for you, I know it's not right for me to fight myself for you."

we both cry silently, the slight rustle of leaves from the trees around us in harmony with the serene but heartbreaking drizzle of rain muffled by the sand of the dark abandoned playground. it pained me greatly watching the love of my life look so utterly torn apart in front of me, me being the reason aeri was so broken. all I want to do is reach out to her, cup her precious face into my hands, wipe the salty tears from her cheeks, and kiss her plump trembling lips, reassure her that everything will be okay. but again, I can't, I couldn't, my shoes glued to the floor and hands clutching the material of my jacket, like I could hold in the pain aching in my chest.

"y/n..." her voice shaky, tone unrecognizable compared to the comforting and confident girl I knew, "I love you."

even though her voice was weak, what she said made my knees wanna give out, buckling at her words. she had told me she loved me before but this time she sounded different, it made my churning stomach fill with butterflies. my chest pounded harder as aeri started to walk closer to me, tiny but impactful steps as she was almost up against me. her warm hands carefully cupping my cheeks, thumbs caressing my skin and wiping my tears away as I melt completely into her touch. as my eyes close, I feel her forehead rest against mine, aeri's soft lips very slightly grazing mine, my hands falling to slip themselves into her hoodie, holding her close by her waist, afraid to let go.

I clutch her tightly, a contrast to the soft grasp aeri's hands hold my face in, so warm on my cheeks. even for this small moment in time that the two of us settle in, I feel all my anxiety and agony wash away with the rain, comforted and at peace with the world when I'm with her, the girl I'm so tragically in love with holding me like it's the only thing either of us want, need. god I wish this moment would last forever.

what I would give to kiss her right now. how badly I want to just close the miniscule amount of distance between us and feel her soft lips mold against my strawberry soju flavored ones. how desperately I want to pull her into me and never let go, making out with her breathlessly. and how painfully I hold myself back, restricting myself from acting upon any urge I harbor, not letting myself give my everything to the woman I love.

"aeri... I love you," my voice breaks in a sob, "and I'm sorry..."

I take a good look at my one and only girl for the last time, observing her perfection, how ethereal aeri uchinaga is to me. then I rip myself away from her warmth, turning and never looking back, tears welling up in my eyes and blurring my vision of the already pitch black night.

I run. I run and run. I keep running. I cry, furiously. I can't see anything. all I can hear is the sound of my own sobs as I throw myself against the wall of a building and shrink to the floor, wailing into my arms.

the days that followed were a blur. I don't remember how the night ended, how I got home, what happened after, nothing. I didn't touch my phone, didn't contact or respond to anyone, just rotted the days away in my bed, eating or using the bathroom when my stomach hurt too much. not even a knock at the door would force me to get up from my asylum, not a phone call, not an urgent emergency, not anything that could possibly be of importance. simply because nothing mattered. I used to believe it would all be okay if nothing did matter, but my reason to keep believing is gone now, she's all gone.

looking out the window all day, the clouds were dark and heavy, steady drizzling from the sky once again. I took a trip to the kitchen, interrupted by a white envelope on the floor near the door. it compelled me forward, shakily opening it and feeling all of my emotions run back to me as soon as I recognized the handwriting.

dear y/n,

I don't know anymore. I've thought a lot about everything and I just, I've got nothing. nothing to tell you that'll make everything okay, that'll solve any problems or issues, that'll make anyone feel better. I'm sorry y/n, for letting all of this happen. I've come to the realization that it's out of my hands, emotions and love, they act on their own, but while I'm sure I can't completely blame myself for how you feel about me, I could've let you go softly instead of letting you love me, even if I didn't know. I got close to you, closer than I've ever gotten I think to anyone, not minjeong, not my friends, not my family, you. I should've known that our clinginess to each other would lead to such a demise.

I write all of this to say, ultimately, I love you. I still love you, I don't think I can bring myself to stop loving you, again, even if I tried, I wouldn't be able to. I'll be leaving soon, the fall semester is gonna start and I'll be gone and out of your hair in more ways than one before you know it. not that it matters but me and minjeong broke up. it was never gonna work out between us considering the differences in what we wanted and how impossible it was for us to be with one another. I could sense the end for us, I could feel her falling out of love with me. unfortunately I've lost one too many people I've loved deeply and I don't think I can reasonably recover ever from this.

y/n, if you're ever ready to love me again, in any way, shape, or form, I'll be there. I want you to know I'll never stop loving you, again, I fucking can't. I don't know why I keep holding onto you when I know it's over, I know we're over, I know you don't want to, or wish you could stop giving a fuck about me. so goodbye y/n. thank you for making me just the happiest girl I could've been for as long as you existed in this life of mine. you made me feel beautiful, gave me butterflies, made me feel like if everything in life fell apart and that if it was just me and you that it would be perfectly fine, like nothing or no one mattered as long as it was just us, you made me feel so fucking incredible, inside and out. I've never felt such euphoria from anyone before, and haven't felt so gorgeous until you came around, like the goddess you treated me as.

admittedly, I think you were slowly but very effectively taking my heart. I never let myself dwell on those thoughts for too long but deep down I knew that it was true. everything you said that night when I held your precious face in my hands, I couldn't ignore it, I was falling for you too. I wanted to kiss you so bad, to close my eyes as our lips met and ignore the world falling apart around us, but you pulled away and I stood there with my hands in the air covered in rain, feeling my heart break all over again. I love minjeong and I'll continue to love her till I die, but I don't think I was in love with her anymore, but in love now with you. letting you steal my heart while minjeong's heart was in my hands is regrettable, I don't think I'll be able to forgive myself even if she never knows. though, I don't regret having fallen for you, I mean I wouldn't have if there was no reason to, right? but ultimately, it's my fault for letting two incredible people fall in love with me, someone who couldn't keep their hearts from breaking in the end.

I can't promise you this little life of mine will last long, I'm, broken, shattered, and quite frankly, I don't wanna try loving anymore, I think this might've been my last straw. I've never been good with love, you know that, and yet you loved me, maybe you still do. I don't know if I can handle anyone else falling in love with me and letting myself fumble with their precious emotions any longer, so taking out the middle man feels like the conclusion I've reached. we both ended up breaking our promises of staying for each other, didn't we? how ironic, isn't it y/n? I'm sorry for leaving you, but I can't find it in my own fragile heart to stay. so, thank you for being my friend, my love, mine.

I'll protect you from the other side,

your aeri

the rain outside started to pour.

[shaunamilfman]

Domestic Shauna Headcanons

pairing: shauna shipman x reader note: no crash au for sure. she's in her 20's.

Shauna's always going to be a writer in my mind. Journalist to pay the bills, but her real passion is in her poetry books that don't sell. eventually tries writing fiction and it really takes off, but she's still kind of bummed about the poetry. 

complains about you being clingy to Jackie, but is genuinely so upset if you aren't home to greet her at the door. (she's the clingy one) 

just know she comes home after a long day and just lies on top of you. every time you try to speak she just bites at whatever skin she can reach till you take the hint. 

loves when you read aloud to her, especially if she's tired or stressed. just wants to drift off to the sound of your voice without the worry of having to respond to it. 

her perfect day ends with her head in your lap as you play with her hair and read from whatever book you've been making your way through. doesn't even ask, just flops in your lap and moves you around. you know just what she wants. 

Shauna won't let you out of bed because she's being clingy and then eventually glances at the clock and blames you for almost making her late for work. acting like she wasn't practically wrestling you to keep you in bed 

space heater shauna keeps the place so cold or else she won't be able to sleep. she will wake up and turn it down a few degrees if you got into a fight. keeps it extra cold so you cuddle into her. 

Shauna can definitely cook, but won't if you're willing to do it instead. it's for the best, because she definitely doesn't season anything. cannot handle spice at all. convinced she'd start coughing at a single flake of red pepper. 

offers to help you cook (feels you up while insisting she's helping you chop) 

so good at making breakfast foods somehow?? god tier.

tries to talk you into the ugliest fucking house decor you’ve ever seen. she absolutely loves it, but it fr should’ve been lit on fire to save anyone from ever having to look at it

Shauna and affectionately biting and being bitten. Just biting down and holding while you're cuddling. she doesn't care who's doing it, but the whole thing is so much better if one of you is. 

doesn’t mind doing the laundry, but hates washing dishes.

convinced she can't resist the urge to bite if you get close enough to her mouth. touch her face and she's nipping at your fingertips. playfully snaps her jaw at you but will fr bite you if you get too close. 

she's always leaving you with some kind of hickey somewhere. she can't fully resist the urge. she's just a girl.

leaves little notes for you around the house. sometimes they’re sweet, but most of the time they’re just reminders not to forget to do whatever thing you promised her you’d get to sometime this week (she wants it done now).

insists she doesn’t need the instructions to put anything together until she’s totally fucking lost and it won’t even stand up straight. complains that it was definitely a manufacturer's error, and that’s why it doesn’t look right. (she forgot three screws. you have to fix it the next time you’re home and she’s not.)

doesn’t want to get a pet, and yet still manages to be the pet’s favorite. she goes from “no way in hell it’s sleeping on our bed” to “but she’s tired” in a week's time.

loves to sit in the same room as you and do different things. Shauna wants to spend all her time with you, but doesn't necessarily feel like talking to you. sitting on the couch next to you doing her thing while you're doing yours is like heaven to her. 

not a morning person at all. she has to wake up and leave the comfort of your bed? not a fan. she's all messy hair and broodiness. just know that Shauna wakes up like with her pant leg riding up ridiculously high, socks came off, shirt twisted around her body

she looks fucking ridiculous as she stomps her way into the bathroom to get ready. drags her feet the whole time but somehow always manages to leave on time

Shauna hates the taste of coffee but forces herself to drink it for the aesthetic. another reason she hates mornings. 

still fiercely protective of her journal, but sometimes you'll catch her rereading old ones with a small smile on her face. occasionally she'll reread you something sweet she wrote about you when you first started dating, heavily editing the parts where she may have been a bit of a hater. 

she's still so jealous and possessive, but she's trying to work past her desire to be immediately confrontational about it. it's not working all that well. 

absolutely adores seeing you in her clothes. it’s a bit of a cheat code, though. how can she be mad at you when you’re wearing her flannel and looking sad? (she’ll give it a valiant effort)

super passive aggressive whenever you're talking to someone new/someone more than usual. 

refuses to call a repairman for anything before she takes a try at fixing it (makes it worse 99% of the time).

Shauna visibly holding herself back from talking shit about whatever you're watching together, but the second you comment something slightly negative about it the flood gates open. she’s so happy being a hater with you.

you get into so many spats about the dumbest shit just because Shauna has trouble with her temper. she’s quick to apologize for small things, usually through actions instead of words, though.

always the one checking to make sure all the doors are locked, nothing is messed up, etc. walks you out to your car if you have to leave really early or really late.

reluctantly kills the bugs, but not without a shit ton of complaints and yelling whenever it moves. Shauna feigned stoicism about it when you first got together, but doesn't bother to pretend that spiders don't freak her the fuck out anymore. 

she’s secretly quite the romantic, but would get so mad at you if you brought it up in front of anyone else. she’ll take you on the most thoughtful dates and write you the sweetest notes, but will pretend it never happened in front of your company. unless she’s jealous of them, then you better bring it up before she does because they need to know how good you have it.