#Yes 2022 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

diz-eaze · 5 months ago

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SANCTUARY. (soft yandere! wanderer x gn reader)

: written weeks after the release of inversion of genesis (2022).

; Wanderer loves you to the point where it sinks deep into your bones. For obsession and he are synonymous - there's hardly any difference in your eyes.

“To be loved is to be changed.”

WINTER DOES not come in Sumeru, as opposed to Snezhnaya where the icy breeze and pure white snow are everyday occurrences. In Sumeru, the air is humid and the sun blazes down with no mercy upon those treading the streets and grounds. The heat on some days is unbearable and the citizens loathe it. And between the biting frost of Snezhnaya or the sweat-inducing atmosphere of Sumeru, Wanderer does not know which one he’d prefer dying to.

But one thing he’s sure of is that living life in Sumeru City feels normal, to the point he feels like it’s abnormal. It’s abnormal because someone like him - so embedded and stained with sin - should not be living life the way he is now. Someone like him does not deserve the leisure of strolling through the streets and calmly inspecting the fruits and vegetables the vendors have on sale, only to hear their grating voices urging him to buy as many as possible.

Someone like him, the Wanderer, does not enjoy this life of luxury - this sense of normality. Not when his sins bore deep into his soul and clutched on like an icky stain on his clothes - always there and reminding him of the atrocities he committed when he was still Scaramouche.

He knows that he does not deserve the current leisure and freedom his life has right now, yet the benevolence of the Dendro Archon serves proof and weight that despite it all, she found kindness within her heart to allow him a chance to live - to flourish under the land of Dendro and her protection. The restoration of his memories and identity is his form of atonement, a journey that’ll span for years and centuries to come; of him bearing his sins.

Yet admittedly, he can’t help but feel a bit lost on what he’s to do now - he’s clueless. The Wanderer knows that he wants to explore the vast lands Teyvat has to offer, but he’d prefer to stay and linger around Sumeru for some time (to recuperate? To get his bearings together? He does not know). And as he watches the people of Sumeru live their lives, something deep within the deep void of his being aches and twists in agony.

He’s envious.

The Wanderer watches in envy, so much envy it consumes him whole, as he sees a child tugging on their mother’s sleeve, drawing her attention to a seller. He sees an Akademiya student lounging around in Puspa cafe, complaining to their classmate about upcoming deadlines and thesis defense. He eyes a man sheepishly picking out a bouquet of flowers, most likely a gift for his lover. He spots children haphazardly running around alleyways and how they avoid the nagging hands of the adults, urging them to stop.

It’s like this every day, where The Wanderer idles around and watches countless people pass by him, taking in the mundane lives of such fragile, visionless humans as it invokes deep jealousy within him. These people may not have visions but they have things he can’t - to be human, to be complete, and to belong.

Nahida, the ever-kind, advises him to stop gawking at humans so much. ‘It’s fine to be curious about their nature’ she said, ‘but to develop deep negative emotions is not beneficial at all. I suggest you cease your habit before it goes out of hand, you know the lengths you’ve gone to because of your hatred for humanity. I simply do not want history to repeat itself, nor to see you hurt. Have you tried cooking as an alternative? Or perhaps attending the Akademiya would suffice?’

He had brushed off her words of course because he knows his limits and where he stands - he’s something akin to a phantom, his identity should not exist within this quaint world and all previous traces of him have been erased through the Irminsul. He knows what he is and that yearning for a place to belong in the society of humans is nothing more than a mere pipedream. But he refuses to budge on his hobby of people-watching.

And so Nahida resorts to other methods, if he does not desire to learn cooking or to study in the Akademiya, then perhaps companionship is what he needed all along.

But companionship does not easily to The Wanderer - to be vulnerable is to be weak. To be loved is to shed all the hard layers and tear down the towering walls he built upon himself. It’s no easy feat, and he knows what humans are capable of doing in the name of greed - to hurt, to betray, and to break with no remorse.

Deep down, as reluctant as he may be to admit it, he fears the concept of ‘love’. He knows love from the betrayals he faced, and experienced it, even. Love from his mother, or lack thereof. Love from his newfound friends, the warmth he felt at having an actual connection with humans. Love from the child he’d taken under his wing, the joy he had as he treated the child like a sibling.

And he knows how love can destroy the entire being of a singular person. He knows what it’s like to live without love - a slow and suffocating death. The feeling of just drifting aimlessly and living for the sole purpose of revenge; to thrive on the feeling of hatred and chaos. Because as a Harbinger, he preferred it that way. Love was not a necessity he needed or wanted, and so he let the foolish yearn for such a measly thing while he walks the path of becoming a god.

Even now, as Wanderer, he can’t say he fully embraces love. Nahida cares for him and knows that, to her, he’s more than some useful asset to her nation. But he does not know if she loves him or if her kindness to him is genuinely caring and he struggles to understand the concept of her taking care of him, the him who has been stripped of all power and social hierarchy from his position.

‘Because we’re quite similar, more than you’d think’, her voice echoes in his mind. ‘And due to that, I’d like for us to treat each other as family. Do you not agree?’

‘Why?’ he recalls answering.

‘Why not.’ And he remembers the way the Archon struggled on her tippy toes, trying her best to pat his head. ‘I think you deserve to be loved.’

The Wanderer disagrees. He does not deserve love, in any shape or form. He does not need the love the Archon offers to him, and he knows that she’s trying to fill in the spaces and spots where his creator (mother) lacked - a proper parental figure. But, he has no need for it. Not when all is said and done.

Love, like his want to be human, is just one of his many dreams.

Somehow, his feet lead him inside the grand Akademiya, aimlessly wandering at a time when it’s nearing night. The scholars and researchers around know better than to apprehend a ‘person’ who does not don their traditional outfits - their Archon heeded that a man with an Anemo vision should not be bothered at all costs, after all. Thus, he has free reign to go over whatever the Akademiya has to offer.

No one knows how and why Lesser Lord Kusanali shows such favoritism over someone they’ve never seen before, let alone someone who didn’t take part in the mission of rescuing her (if only they know that he was part of the problem, back then). But their Archon’s words are absolute and her personal affairs are none of theirs to pry into - so they nod obediently and refrained from letting their curiosity peaked.

He walks the halls of the Akademiya, ready to depart soon. The sun has long set and the world is slowly being dyed in dark blue with the moonshine being its only source of light. It’s relatively quiet, the only notable sounds are his steps and the quiet chatter of lingering students. Wanderer makes a turn to the corner and meets someone he wasn’t expecting to; Nahida.

Next to the Archon from his peripheral vision, he spots green, a particular shade of it, intertwined with white robes and finished off with gold linings. He knows that attire - it’s the Akademiya’s standard uniform, worn by all students (with some rare exceptions). Indigo eyes trail over to the owner of the robes and find a rather pretty face. But what’s unusual is for a student to be so buddy-buddy with the Archon herself, walking the halls of the Akademiya as if it’s a normal Tuesday afternoon.

The Akademiya student is as normal as they can get; visionless, and pretty but not someone you would take a double glance at, they seem to be an Amurta student from the icon in their hat, and their lips are animatedly moving; clearly passionate about the topic at hand. His legs’ steady rhythm of walking comes to a stop; right in front of the duo. Their conversation is halted and the Akademiya student’s eyes are inquisitive as they take his appearance in. Scrutinizing.

Nahida’s eyes light up and she greets him in good nature. “It’s been a while, Wanderer.” A few weeks, to be exact. “How has life been fairing for you? Did something in the Akademiya pique your interest?”

He indignantly scoffs, “As if.”

Unfamiliar with their banter, the Akademiya student cuts in with a sharp edge to their tone. “I respectfully ask you to not talk to the Archon like that, Mister.”

Wanderer raises a brow, taunting as he takes a step closer to them. “Huh, and what is a visionless nobody like you going to do about it?”

The student steps forward, too. Brows furrowed, annoyance dancing in their eyes, and the Wanderer almost forgot how fun it is to rile people up. Their distaste for him paints a smirk on his lips. “Well, this visionless student is capable of-”

Nahida’s giggle is reminiscent of bell chimes as it cuts through their hostile exchange. She merrily claps her hands and her eyes hold a spark in them that the Wanderer knows is up to no good. This can only mean one thing; the Archon has thought of a mischievous idea and plans to execute it, possibly right now.

The student’s posture straightens out and they stiffly turn to apologize profusely for causing trouble. “My deepest apologies, Lesser Lord Kusanali. I should have kept my emotions in check, rather than letting annoyance get the best of me.”

The Wanderer makes a point to roll his eyes in annoyance. “Whatever.”

Nahida sweetly smiles at them. “It’s fine, please don’t worry yourself over meaningless things, (Y/N). In fact, I think the two of you were quite amusing! It’s always a wonder to witness conflicts in real-time. It makes me ponder the different ways to resolve it, and how each factor contributed to starting the said conflict.”

“When you put it that way…” The student, now named (Y/N), nods resolutely at Nahida’s words - clearly absorbing any and every knowledge the God of Wisdom gives.

“Hmph, if you have nothing better to say, I’ll be on my way now.” Wanderer swivels and turns to make a swift exit, only to stop at the feeling of Nahida’s hand clutching onto one of his sleeves.

“What.” He hisses out, red-lined eyes squinting at her dwarf figure - feeling like the God is onto something nefarious - no, he knows it.

The Dendro Archon puts on her best puppy face and baby voice as she pleads to him. “Please walk (Y/N) to their apartment, it’s getting late now and I fear they might attract the wrong type of crowd - or worse, encounter monsters.”

(Y/N) gasps in utter disbelief, mortified at the prospect of their nation’s God pleading for a favor just for them. “Oh, dear Kusanali, there’s absolutely no need for that! I cannot fathom troubling you or that Mister over there. I’ll be fine, I assure you.”

But Nahida, as wise and smart as she may be, refuses to let go of her grip on the Wanderer’s sleeve. “Please, Wanderer? I simply hope to keep one of my citizens safe.”

“Lesser Lord Kusanali, it truly is fine! Please don’t trouble yourself over-”

“Please?”

Right now, she’s no different from a child near a temper tantrum - and he would have laughed by now had it not been him who was the target of her schemes.

There’s an ulterior motive to the Archon’s words and he can’t decipher what her exact intentions are, no matter how hard he tries to search for an answer on her face he comes up with point blank. Had it been anyone else, the Wanderer would not hesitate to give a middle finger and refuse them with no second thought.

But Nahida is not just anyone, this is the God kind enough to allow him another chance at life; a way to pay for his sins. This is the guardian of Sumeru who treats him like he was born in this nation all his life. She is the Archon gentle and persistent enough to establish a genuine bond with him - this the same person that tips toes between the standing line of sister and mother in this new life of his. Nahida is the closest thing he has to a family.

So, with a resigned sigh, he stares deep into (Y/N)’s eyes - as if he wants to peer into their soul. “Okay, fine. You win. I’ll escort them to their apartment.”

(Y/N) sputters in disbelief, at a loss for words while Nahida cheers, finally letting go of his sleeve.

In hindsight, perhaps that day was the beginning of his fall. And he doesn’t know if the person to blame is (Y/N) or Nahida.

In the first month of knowing (Y/N), Wanderer disregards them as someone close to the Archon he now serves - nothing more, nothing less. And maybe there is merit to be found in the way he thinks of them a little higher compared to an average human being, but that’s only because of their affiliation with Nahida. Purely because of Nahida.

When stripped away of their friendship with the benevolent Archon, they are merely a visionless student of the Akademiya - one of the many. A nobody that has nothing to stand out in a crowd. A pretty face, but not a face people would fight tooth and nail over. Intelligent and studious, but their research papers are nothing groundbreaking.

(Y/N) is not the odd one out, nor are they the showstopper - (Y/N) is simply mediocre.

So painfully mediocre that it baffles him as to why Nahida insists on him walking them back home every single night, without fail. Her cover-up of simply being concerned for (Y/N)’s safety weakens day by day as through the time he’s escorted them, there had been zero casualties. Not a monster in sight, and no drunkards harassing them either.

It’s clear to both Wanderer and the Archon that (Y/N) needs no protecting, not when they’re in the city of Sumeru - where the Matra are active day and night, patrolling the streets for the safety of people and to look out for any dubious scholars.

This begs the question and the reason for his confrontation with her right now; why insist?

“Spill it out already,” He sighs, exasperated with her antics as he corners Nahida inside the Sanctuary of Surasthana. “What are you trying to get out of this?”

“Haha…” Nahida forcibly laughs, aware that he now knows she’s planning something. Raising her tiny hands up in surrender, she smiles to placate him. “You’ve caught me!”

“That I do.” Wanderer doesn’t relent with his interrogation. “Well?”

“Well,” Nahida clears her throat, racking her brain for the best way to formulate her response without causing him to feel insulted or looked down upon. “I think they’re right for you - (Y/N), I mean.”

Wanderer arches a brow, prodding her to continue.

“I’ve thought about it for some months ever since I took you under my care; every day I asked myself; what is it I can do for him? For you to lose at least a smidge of that scowl on your face?” Nahida’s voice quiets down to a small whisper. “You watch people night and day without fail, and I’ve warned you that it might bring some negativity to your life. But you still continue to do so.”

“…What of it?” And Wanderer hates the way his voice edges on being weak, close to cracking and being vulnerable - because he will never fathom the lengths Nahida goes through just to make him comfortable living in her nation.

“You crave companionship and love, yet you’re unable to take the first step of initiating.”

“That’s because I don’t need to-”

“Yet you want to. You live off fear of rejection and abandonment, and I can’t have that - if I let you wither and ruminate in negative feelings then I will be no better than the previous people you’ve associated with.” Her small hands move to grasp his, akin to a mother comforting their child. “Wanderer, I’ve said this before and I will say it once more; I want you to flourish. I want you to find companionship and to find a place or someone you can call your home.”

A beat of silence passes before Nahida speaks again. “I want- no, I need you to be happy.”

“And the first step in doing that is to make friends, hence my insistence on you escorting (Y/N) home.” Nahida smiles, as comforting as the setting sun and as sweet as her favorite desserts. “It’s fine if you don’t end up being friends with them, let alone acquaintanceship, what’s important is taking the first step. There’s no rush in creating bonds, please don’t feel pressured that you have to be on good terms with them.”

“If it is fated, they will be your first friend in this incarnation of yours. If not, then there will be an inevitable time when you meet someone else.”

Wanderer scoffs, “If you are not my first friend, then what are you?”

He knows what she’s about to say, he just needs confirmation and reassurance that he’s not entirely alone in this lonely world of his.

Nahida giggles, “Your family, of course.” She childishly puffs out her cheeks, and Wanderer is reminded of the ill boy he took care of, many centuries ago. Ah, but what’s in the past must stay in the past.

He is not Kunikuzushi, Kabukimono, or Scaramouche - he is a Wanderer, a drifting phantom who serves the Dendro Archon in the nation of Sumeru.

“So please, at least try with (Y/N) before giving up?”

Wanderer furrows his brows and gives in. “Fine.”

Stars are brought forth in Nahida’s flower eyes as she claps in glee, letting go of his hands. “Oh! If that’s the case, then you have to know their interests and dislikes!”

“Is that not my job to wrangle out of them?”

“It’s to speed things up! This way, you’ll know what and which topics to avoid or lean into.” She skips around her pod, rummaging through trinkets Wanderer never even knew existed. Is this where Nahida stores information of whatever she deems fit, or is everything locked within the vast expanse of her mind?

That day, Wanderer spends the entire time getting his mind overloaded with information (courtesy of Nahida) about (Y/N), as if he was being prepared for a life-changing exam that determines his future and entire worth. It’s troublesome and Wanderer wants nothing more than to bail out of it.

But he promised that he’d try, promised that he’ll make an effort.

If he wants to belong, then he must put in the work.

Nahida’s words echo in his mind, once more. ‘I think you deserve to be loved.’

‘I think you deserve to be loved.’

Love.

…

If she must think so, then he must believe so.

Wanderer has always known he’s not one for conversations, especially those that entail past the surface level of getting to know a person. He wholeheartedly admits that being social is not a strong point of his - for socialization was not a requirement he needed to get stronger.

He somewhat regrets that sentiment now, walking side by side with the Akademiya student he’s been escorting for over a month, choked up on how to properly maneuver an interaction - at a loss for a conversation starter. Should he comment on the weather? Or maybe it would be preferable if he mentioned how their research progress is coming along? Or do they prefer topics that stray away from the Akademiya, instead preferring questions that entail their hobbies?

Ah, as expected, socializing is as taxing as ever.

But he must try, if not for him then for Nahida.

Taking a deep breath, Wanderer abruptly swivels around to face (Y/N), halting their quiet walk. “Uhm-,” His tongue stumbles for a second and he curses himself.

“Yes? Is there anything wrong?” (Y/N) is quick to voice out their concern, for Wanderer to say anything is no regular occurrence.

“No, there’s no such thing.” Wanderer is quick to shut them down, and he mentally cringes at the harsh way his tone came off. He must think of something - quick. “…The weather is quite, satisfactory.”

…

A deafening silence follows after his words, and it feels like even the annoying crickets have quieted down just for a brief moment.

He fights the urge to grit his teeth.

Wanderer feels like floating off the ground and retreating into Nahida’s Sanctuary, just to give her a piece of his mind, because in what part of her pea-sized brain thought that her plan would work out, thought that he’d be able to conver-

“Yes! It is indeed, uhm, satisfactory.” Akin to snapping out of a stupor, (Y/N) hurriedly agrees with him. Then they relax once more, taking their time to appreciate the skies above them. “It truly is a sight to see… the setting sun.”

Wanderer mutely agrees, copying their action and setting his indigo gaze up ahead. From the corner of his eyes, he sees (Y/N) staring like the sky was a form of miracle - it befuddles him so. “Do you like the sky? The sun, the moon, and the stars?”

(Y/N) glances at him for a brief second before it settles back into gazing up. Their tongue peeks out to wet their lips as if buying time to formulate an answer. “I suppose so, I appreciate them like just as normal people do.”

What qualifies as normal people? Wanderer scowls.

“I am not a student under Rtawahist, after all.” They finish, leveling their gaze to meet his. “How about you, do you like the sky?”

“…Neutral.” Comes his belated answer, lackluster and bleak, going back to looking up at the sky, letting silence befall them. So much for an attempt at conversation, he supposes.

His companion simply hums and basks at the moment as is. He dares not to acknowledge how pleasant their humming is, lest he be teased for it.

After a few moments, (Y/N) voices out, “As nice as this may be, I’m afraid I really must be going home soon. I do not intend to cut your sky-gazing short, so I’m fine with trekking alone.”

They dust off the particles on their clothing and send him an inquisitive look, waiting for his final verdict. But as if a lightbulb went off, their mouth makes an ‘O’ shape.

“Which reminds me, what caused you to pause our walk earlier? Is it truly just because of the weather, nothing else?”

Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Perhaps consulting friendship advice with the person he intends to befriend will benefit him more - if they laugh at his face and belittle him, then who will blame him for the sudden strong gust of wind?

You win some, you lose some when it comes to taking risks. And perhaps, the person in front of him is a risk he’s willing to take.

He opens his mouth, hesitant to voice it out - yet in the end the words tumble out like Pandora’s box. “I want to be friends with you.”

And (Y/N)’s breath must have been taken away by the Anemo Archon with the way their voice hitches. Caught off-guard. Not at all expecting his words.

Their eyes widen and suddenly Wanderer feels scrutinized - like a butterfly with its wings pinned, like a bacteria under a microscope, like a slime being inspected. It’s foreign, to feel this way.

Then at long last, they finally say something. A measly, “Oh.”

Wanderer’s eyebrows pinch, and he scoffs incredulously. “Oh?” He echoes. Taunting and meant to resonate with them - because what do they mean by ‘oh’?

“Ah! It’s not like that, I was just caught surprised, my apologies!” (Y/N) placates him and tries to describe their distress by making vague and wild hand motions - in which it’s just them waving around blindly, overcome by distress.

“It’s just that,” they sigh. “I didn’t expect you’d want to be friends with me, to be truthful with you.”

Wanderer furrows his brows even more. “Why is that?”

“You always seemed so closed off when it comes to,” They vaguely gesture to the space between them. “This. Like you’re above making friends, which I guess is true - if Lesser Lord Kusanali’s words about you are anything to go by.”

So Nahida has been talking about him to (Y/N), and he jeers at the thought. He stays quiet, sensing that (Y/N) isn’t quite done yet.

“But don’t get me wrong.” They take a step forward. “I’m not against it, if anything, I’m delighted at the prospect. To be sincere with you, I don’t have many friends at the Akademiya. Research always takes up too much time, and-”

They pause, sensing their voice becoming vulnerable. “And, In the Akademiya, friendships are incredibly fragile. All it takes is one incompetence in a partner study before it crumbles.”

Wanderer finishes it for them. “It’s frightening.”

(Y/N) nods, “Indeed.” Their eyes peer up at him, hopeful, and a smile is threatening to break out. “Which is why, I don’t mind.”

“I wouldn’t mind being friends with you if you tell me your name,” Their smile blooms like flowers on a field, joyful.

Perhaps, Nahida had been right. He does need a friend, this person - (Y/N) - in particular.

And Wanderer feels like Icarus, with the way he’s flying too close to the sun - hands and wings reaching out to reach the impossible.

He feels it prickling at the back of his mind, this impending sense of doom. That all good things will come to an end.

Just like Icarus, he knows he’s bound to burn and crash. Knows that after the high, he will be left trying to stay up float in the middle of the ocean - but if it’s your doing, then he does not mind. Not one bit.

Like a stamped seal to an envelope, he gifts you the name he had thought was long discarded.

“Kuni.” He gazes at them with triumph in his eyes - a cat that got the cream. “Call me Kuni.”

Months fly by like the wind, and before he knows it, Wanderer has known (Y/N) for half a year.

Having one, sole friend inescapably ends up with his life revolving around theirs - unknowingly or not. After becoming wholly and fully comfortable with (Y/N), Wanderer accompanies them morning, noon, and night; up until he bids them goodbye at their front porch. Nahida would compare him to a leech, or better yet, a parasite - had the comparison not leave her fighting for her life should she bring it up to him.

Nevertheless, it’s an amusing sight. And for the first time in a long, long while, Nahida feels like she’s done something to help a citizen of Sumeru. If his actions are anything to go by, the Wanderer is content now, for now, at least. He’s stopped his habit of people-watching, not when his time is occupied with (Y/N). He no longer lingers around the Bazaar with heavy feelings of envy.

While he’s reluctant to admit it, Wanderer is the closest thing to being happy as of now.

And if he’s happy, then Nahida is overjoyed. Nahida roots for him behind the scenes, pushes him to attend some of the Akademiya lectures, makes him create the occasional political paper to submit and publish, and urges him to help out (Y/N) in academics - essentially turning him into a student of the Akademiya, just for the opportunity to spend more time with his newfound friend.

And Wanderer huffs and puffs, complains and sneers all he wants in the face of Nahida, but they both know that he appreciates the lengths she’s going to for his friendship. He had always shown appreciation in the most unorthodox ways, after all. As words have never been his strong suit, never had, and never will.

So when Nahida sees him and (Y/N) exit one of their shared lectures, oblivious to the world around them and too engrossed in their conversation - Nahida opts to cheekily smile and leave them be.

Because Nahida doubts that friends look at friends the way he does with (Y/N).

(Y/N) is Kuni’s self-proclaimed best friend (and unknowingly, his only one). The person he sticks with when he occasionally shows up to the lectures, the person he eats breakfast, lunch, and dinner with, the person he immediately goes to partner up with when needed, and the person he consults to beta read his political papers.

To be frank, (Y/N) is the moon that revolves around him, the earth.

(Y/N) orbits around him like a buzzing bee, like an axis. And people would usually ridicule them, for they are blind with the way Kuni returns these actions albeit in a more concealed, hidden manner. Because while (Y/N) may be the one orbiting around him, Kuni could never fathom the thought of his eyes looking anywhere else but at theirs.

Because truthfully, you are more than the moon to him. You are the axis of his universe, the reason why there's a sun, the solution why life thrives, and the answer to every question he has.

(A thought lingers in the back of his mind every time he gazes at you, like a bee’s buzz.)

(That perhaps, everything he ever suffered for was all to meet you. That all the pain and betrayals he faced was the price he had to pay just to welcome you into his life. If that had been the case, then it all makes sense now. Because he’d go through hell and back if it means ensuring that he’ll meet you in the next life, and the life after that, and lives following after)

Kuni is not stupid, he knows that his relationship with you at this point tip-toes between the thin line of friends and lovers. More than friends, but not quite lovers.

Yet like a chicken hesitating to cross the road, like a coward scared of taking a leap - he’s scared to cross the line and furthering his relationship with (Y/N) into a romantic territory. And so, he bids his time and contents with himself by being a friend.

Because that’s what he is, a good friend. And he dares not to ruin the Sanctuary he’s find within their presence - a haven he’s not willing to risk.

But who’s to say he can’t adore them?

The amount of his love is something that can't be contained in his body, because his love shows in everything he does - bleeds through his every action, most especially when it’s done for the sake of helping (Y/N).

His love shows in the way he puts in care, it shows in the way he handles their requests and favors with utmost delicacy, showcases in how he’d always prioritize what (Y/N) wanted over everything else - because that’s love. Love makes people fools, and he’s hopelessly captivated by someone who laughs at the most ridiculous things and looks like the most ethereal person he’s ever had the grace to chance upon.

And everything he does now, is all for them. Had always been for them.

(He became a reluctant Akdemiya because that’d mean he’d be in the same environment with (Y/N). He tones down his aggressive nature with his fellow peers in fear he’d drag down their reputation. He works hard on his political analysis papers in hopes of impressing them and indirectly giving them credits. (Y/N), (Y/N), (Y/N).

(Y/N).)

Today, he had chosen you accompany them along star-gazing. Kuni had never been one for Astrology, but if it means to be with them, then he can pretend to at least be interested in whatever that fake sky entails.

The soft, muted steps of their shoes repeatedly sound out against the ground as they work toward their destination - Kuni not far behind. With the night sky blanketing over Sumeru, and most of its occupants soundly asleep, Kuni feels content as he feels the cool air hit his exposed skin.

This slow, walking pace of them both has him appreciating Sumeru - in a way he never had before. He has never noticed the certain way that small field of flowers near the village was planted, had only noticed the amount of Sumpter beasts increasing in number as they near the Rainforests, and just now noticed how good (Y/N) looks basking under the moonlight.

Its light paints them like an ethereal and unattainable piece of art, and it reminds Kuni of the painting back in Fontaine. If (Y/N) had been a Fontaine painting, then he’d drop whatever fortune was necessary just to obtain them.

Soon enough they arrive at their destination, atop a mountain, with no sweat broken due to the cold air. (Y/N) moves to set up their workspace and babbles about how they’re doing this for a friend of theirs - Kuni can barely recall, Lilac, was it?

Kuni should feel guilty - should feel shame with the way (Y/N)’s words are going in one ear and out in the other, but he can’t help it. Not when they look like a dream just mere inches away from him.

And he stares.

Stares, until (Y/N)’s eyes catches his own and they just smile his way - all sweet and addicting all the same, reminiscent of all things good in this world - before returning back to getting the Astrolabe to work.

And fuck, he’d always known since day one that he’d inevitably become entangled with (Y/N), to the point where he begins and where they end are discernable. But shit, the feeling itself - the sheer realization hits him all at once and it’s so overwhelming. In the best way possible - in the most liberating method and it fuels life into him like it’s pumped gas.

Kabukimono, Kunikuzushi, Scaramouche, Wanderer (but most especially Wanderer, because he’s the carnation that met (Y/N) ) - all pieces and bits and fragments of himself, all his incarnations; past, present, and future are irrevocably, deeply, devastatingly in love with (Y/N).

He loves them as a friend, a best friend, a soultmate, a partner, a lover, a spouse, a partner in crime, and fated match. He loves them in every possible way.

It’s like every cell of his lit up on fire at that thought alone, and he wonders if his creator made him to love this monstrous way or is this just how he truly loves, like a monster, like a beast?

He loves (Y/N) - loves them so much he’d repeatedly say it until he’s bleed his throat dry and broken his voice box. Wants to show it to the point where he’d turn Teyvat in and itself upside down just to prove it. Because those measly Inazuman novels could never capture this feeling of love, pales in comparison, even - the all encompassing feeling that swallows and envelopes him whole with no room to breathe - just overloading on them, them, them.

He’d stop time and space, rewrite over the irminsul over and over again, bleed and cut his body, traverse the Abyss for archons know how long - just to see them smile, just to see a spark of joy in their eyes. Just to keep the flame in (Y/N)’s iris alive and burning.

Because (Y/N) are the stars that decorate his night sky, the shining beacon to his bleak life. The light to his shadow. He is him, and they are them; two halves of a greater whole. Great by itself but better when together.

And he gazes at them with pure love and bliss in his indigo eyes - looks at them like they’re all he’s ever known, as they continue to map out the placements of the stars. In this moment, Kuni makes a silent prayer to Nahida (a silent thank you, for everything she’s done for his sake, because had it not been for her then he never would have met them).

For there are stars and galaxies swirling within their eyes as they gaze up at the night sky and he can't help but think that love has never felt this good.

Love has never felt this addicting.

But he wants it all the same - wants (Y/N) and their love, and everything else they have to offer. Wants it all with nothing, lest a crumb, left. Their laugh he’d die for, their smile he’d kill for, and their love he’d sacrifice for.

(In the quiet of the night, “I love you.” slipped past his lips as he basks in every feeling of bliss known to man - whether (Y/N) had heard him or not, does not matter, there plenty more opportunities to repeat his word.)

Because he is nothing but a mere seeker for his Sanctuary.

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