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bambirex · 2 years ago

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The Wonderful In You

Pairing: Yentriss/Trissefer

Characters: Triss Merigold, Yennefer of Vengerberg, Tissaia de Vries

Rating: teen

Additional tags: 5+1 things, friends to lovers, infertility, insecurity, blood, injury, coming of age, fluff and angst, triss being yennefer’s biggest cheerleader, women being awesome, mainly Triss’s POV, nightmares, canon divergence, soft triss merigold, soft yennefer of vengerberg, love confession, feelings

Word count: 4,080

Chapters: 1/1

Summary: Five times Triss told Yennefer she loved her without outright saying it, and the one time Yennefer said it for real.

Author’s note: I've always wanted to do one of these 5+1 things fics because I adore them, and I decided to take an underrated, but very sweet pairing for my first try! Not much plot is happening here, just lots of feelings.Feedback is super appreciated!! <3

Read on Ao3

A weak, useless flicker of lightning. Lips pursed tight in concentration, sweat beading on her temples. Eyes welling up with tears of pain and frustration. Hands trembling. A quiet, barely audible whimper. The small flicker dying out.

Triss’s chest tightened in sympathy. She so desperately wanted to run over to the other girl and wrap her arms around her right there, tell her that it was going to be alright. But such affections weren’t allowed in here, not in front of the directress and the other students who watched their struggling peer with barely masked satisfaction, so smug in the comfort of their own, more confident powers. Triss sent them a look full of disdain.

“Let me try again,” Yennefer’s voice trembled, but Triss could hear the defiance underneath it. From the moment Yennefer was brought here, she has been humiliated and mocked for every single mistake that she’s made, but she wasn’t broken. She was a fighter, a survivor. Her iron will would break through her pain.

“I think we’ve seen enough,” Tissaia said, not even sparing a glance in her direction. Triss sighed deeply. The directress had a strange relationship with Yennefer: Triss once overheard a conversation where Tissaia had said that the reason she was so hard on Yennefer, was because she could tell she was special. Triss wished that instead of showing her fondness for Yennefer like this, in this strange, cold way, Tissaia would give her the warmth that Yennefer deserved.

“Let me try again!”

It was a yell, this time. Tissaia finally whipped around to face Yennefer, who stood there with flaming eyes, her hands clenched into fists. Her body trembled, but Triss knew it wasn’t from fear; it was Yennefer’s barely restrained anger trying to escape through her flesh.

“No,” Tissaia told her firmly. “You failed today. You need to take even defeat with grace, otherwise you would never make it.”

For a couple of moments, Yennefer continued to stand there, staring at Tissaia with hatred in her eyes. Triss waited anxiously for the blow to come, but instead, Yennefer turned around and stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her with so much force it nearly came off its hinges.

Tissaia sighed deeply. The disappointment was evident in her eyes. Unlike most students at Aretuza, who only cared about perfecting their powers, Triss was a good observer: she watched the world around herself like a hawk, inspecting everyone’s reactions and silently drawing her own conclusions from them. While other people would have passed Tissaia’s behavior towards Yennefer off as cold and neglectful, Triss saw the truth behind it all. She also knew that Tissaia would never tell Yennefer how she really felt about her; that duty would have to fall on someone who was much more comfortable with her feelings.

Quietly, Triss sneaked out of the room. She remained close to the walls of the hall, making sure no one would notice her walking towards the personal rooms, instead of staying at the lecture like she was supposed to.

When she reached Yennefer’s room, she took a deep breath. She knocked on the door out of politeness, despite knowing that Yennefer would send anyone away in this moment. Still, she waited a couple moments before she entered.

Yennefer was face down on the bed, head buried in her pillows. She was curled up on herself, the twisted curve of her spine even more evident in this position. Triss sat down on the edge of her bed, carefully placing a hand on Yennefer’s shoulder.

Yennefer raised her head with a murderous look, but her eyes softened when she realized it was Triss.

“You sneaked out,” she stated, her voice hoarse from crying. “Tissaia will punish you.”

“I don’t care,” Triss replied. Her hand remained on Yennefer’s shoulder, caressing gently. “I wanted to check on you.”

“I’m doing shitty, thank you for asking,” Yennefer chuckled bitterly. “You saw what happened. I failed.”

“Other girls failed, too. It happens.”

“But I always fail.”

“Some of us just need more time,” Triss said softly. She scooted closer to Yennefer on the bed, her heart fluttering happily when Yennefer didn’t pull away. “I’ve struggled with things you excelled at right away. We all need time to get it right.”

“What if I’ll never get it right?” Yennefer asked. She looked up at Triss with so much pain in her eyes, Triss’s heart clenched. “What if I’ll remain this… useless thing?”

“You’re not useless,” Triss told her quickly. She cupped Yennefer’s face between her hands, wiping away her fresh tears. “You’re meant for big things, Yennefer. I can feel it. Tissaia knows it, too.”

“Tissaia hates me.”

“No, she doesn’t. She cares about you, in her own way. And I care about you, too.”

She gently raked her thumb across Yennefer’s cheekbone, touching her distorted jaw gently. Yennefer leaned into her touch, allowing herself to be vulnerable – it was only Triss, who got to see her like this, at her worst, and in need of comfort.

“You’re special,” Triss reminded her gently, “and even if you weren’t, even if you were just an ordinary girl, I would still care about you. But I know in my heart, that you will be the most feared sorceress on the Continent. You have a power within you, Yennefer, and I know that once you tap into that, you will be unstoppable.”

Slowly, carefully, Triss leaned in to place a feather-light kiss onto Yennefer’s forehead. When she pulled back, there was a faint smile on Yennefer’s face.

Even though she looked completely different, Triss could immediately tell it was her. She would have recognized those piercing violet eyes anywhere: those powerful eyes, full of defiance, boring into your very soul. Those were the only ones that remained the exact same.

Triss was not blind, and it would have been pointless to lie to herself: Yennefer looked beautiful like this. The way that black dress hugged her slim body, the way she held herself straight and high, with her raven locks cascading down her back was nothing short of majestic. The dark, sparkly eyeshadow only accentuated the mysterious beauty of her eyes. It was no wonder all eyes in the room were immediately on her.

But Triss thought Yennefer to be beautiful even before that transformation. She’s seen the beauty in the flaws, in the dislocated and twisted bones that everyone else deemed horrifying. She’s seen the person underneath it all, and she would have never wished for Yennefer to change herself this way.

“What do you think?” Yennefer asked her when she approached her, her full lips curling into a smile. She twirled around, the hem of her dress swimming around her long legs like the wings of a black swan.

“You look different,” Triss replied, unable to fight off the uncomfortable pang in her chest. There was a part of her that was worried that by changing her appearance so drastically, a part of the Yennefer Triss has known was now lost.

Yennefer arched an eyebrow smugly. “That was the point, Triss.”

“I know,” Triss sighed, raking her eyes over Yennefer’s new form. She was trying to get used to it, trying to remind herself that it was still her friend, the one Triss cared for so deeply. “You do look beautiful.”

There was a faint flush on Yennefer’s cheeks. It made Triss smile, at last.

“But you always have been,” she continued, making Yennefer snort.

“That’s bullshit. I used to be hideous, and you know that.”

“I’ve never thought of you that way,” Triss shook her head, horrified at the idea of Yennefer thinking that Triss was just lying to her. “You have always been special to me. And beautiful.”

She reached for Yennefer’s hands, gently squeezing them.

“Beauty isn’t everything, anyways,” Triss continued, staring down at their intertwined fingers. “Everything that you are, all the good things inside you… they have always been there. Even without changing how you look.”

“It’s easy for you to say,” Yennefer rolled her eyes, but luckily, she didn’t pull her hand away. Triss wouldn’t have survived it if she did. “You have always been pretty. The prettiest.”

Triss bit her lip, her cheeks warming up at Yennefer’s words.

“I have always thought the same of you, and I’m not lying,” Triss promised. “I would never lie to you, Yen.”

She looked up again, into those familiar, violet eyes. Yennefer’s long eyelashes fluttered, and suddenly Triss found herself overwhelmed with the need to kiss her, even though she knew it would have been inappropriate.

“I’ve told you before, and I’m more than willing to tell you again,” Triss smiled, rubbing her thumb across the back of Yennefer’s hand, “that you are so much more than what the word sees when they look at you. Your mind… your heart… your power… I have always looked up to you, Yennefer. And I will continue to do so. Because I know you are the best of us.”

Yennefer swallowed audibly. For a couple moments, she didn’t reply, just continued holding onto Triss’s hands.

“So,” she eventually said, “I assume you hate it, then?”

Triss chuckled, rolling her eyes fondly at her friend.

“I didn’t say that! I’m only trying to remind you that you shouldn’t change for anyone. That you are perfect the way you are right now, and the way you always have been. And the way you will be, because…”

“I’m special, I know, I know,” Yennefer laughed. “You don’t have to tell me again.”

“I will keep saying it, until you believe me,” Triss replied, “and, until then. Would you like to dance?”

Yennefer seemed taken aback for a second, then she grinned. Instead of a reply, she grabbed Triss’s hand harder and dragged her towards the middle of the ballroom, not caring about bumping into the other dancing couples.

They placed their hands on each other’s waists as they swayed together in their own rhythm. Triss mapped out the new forms of Yennefer’s body under her fingers, getting to know her again.

“I don’t care how bored you are of hearing it,” Triss whispered, “because I’ll never want you, not for a second, to think you are worthless, or that you have to prove yourself to anyone. Alright?”

“Alright,” Yennefer sighed. She pulled Triss closer, resting her forehead against her shoulder.

Triss let herself slip into her warm embrace with a smile.

The faint sounds of someone struggling seeped into her own, mundane dream, piercing through the sweet fog of sleep. Triss’s eyes snapped open, hazed for a few moments as she slowly came back to reality.

The sheets were rolled up, crumpled, as if someone has been stuck in them and kept trying to break free. The bed creaked slightly, and Triss could now hear the sound of heavy breathing, interspersed with quiet, pained whimpers.

She rolled over onto her side to see Yennefer writhing on the bed, her eyes still closed. Her hands were grabbing onto her pillow, fingers digging in for dear life. Her hair was drenched in sweat, and her body trembled and twitched with the tremors of an invisible fight. She kicked out in her dream, her shallow breathing rising to a wheezy, terrified gasp.

Triss placed a hand on her arm, squeezing gently. Yennefer flinched in her sleep, mumbling something incoherent. Triss squeezed her arm just a tad tighter, trying to pull Yennefer back home.

“It’s okay,” she whispered, leaning in close to Yennefer’s ear, “Yennefer, you’re having a nightmare. Wake up, love.”

The trembling in Yennefer’s body eased as she took in a deep breath. Her eyes fluttered open, confused and worried, until she saw Triss. Then, she immediately flung herself into her arms, burying her face in Triss’s chest.

“I’m here,” Triss told her softly, wrapping her arms around her protectively. She caressed Yennefer’s hair as she sobbed into her chest, her hands fisted into the material of Triss’s nightgown.

“You are okay,” Triss told her, smoothing a hand down Yennefer’s back. Yennefer’s own nightgown stuck to her skin with sweat, and she shivered as Triss caressed her.

“They took it,” Yennefer whispered, her voice slightly muffled as her face was pressed against Triss’s body. “They took it, and I’m never getting it back.”

Triss didn’t need an explanation on what she meant. She knew exactly, what the price of Yennefer’s transformation was. But she’s never brought it up, never asked Yennefer if she’s regretted sacrificing her womb for her beauty. She’s decided it was up to Yennefer to talk about her feelings on the matter, if she’s wanted to.

For decades, Yennefer hasn’t said a word about her loss. She’s had all sort of lovers, men and women and people not falling into those categories alike, but in the end, she’s always returned to Triss. What their relationship would become later on the long run, they’ve never discussed. Triss knew that she would have accepted whatever Yennefer decided, that she would have been okay with Yennefer choosing someone else, even if it meant Triss’s heart would break in the process.

But lately, Yennefer has been aching for something she couldn’t have. The pain of finality has caught up to her.

“I’ll lose everything,” Yennefer continued, still clinging to Triss, “and everyone.”

“Not me,” Triss whispered, holding Yennefer tighter. She placed a kiss on the top of her head. “You will never lose me.”

“You’ll find a man,” Yennefer continued, ignoring what Triss said, “you’ll have his babies.”

“Who said I want that?”

“You’ll need a family. You’ll need stability. I’m a wreck, I’m broken. Is that what you really want in your life, Triss? You could have everything.”

“But I want you,” Triss told her. Tears of sympathy burned her own eyes as she held Yennefer impossibly closer, wanting her to be as close to herself as possible. “I’ve always wanted you. I’ll never want anyone else.”

Yennefer’s eyes were bright with tears as she finally looked up at Triss. Triss wiped them away gently, like so many times before.

“And I’ll never leave you,” she promised, before she hooked a finger under Yennefer’s chin, raising her head so she could kiss her on the lips, slowly, sweetly. Their kiss was the seal on the promise Triss made, a promise that Triss would never break.

The soil was loose beneath their feet, causing them to stumble every few steps. Triss giggled as she nearly tripped, grabbing onto Yennefer’s hands in the last second.

“Where are we even going,” Yennefer huffed as she stabilized Triss with an arm around her waist, “we’ve been crawling through the dirt for hours!”

“You’ll see,” Triss replied, grinning cheekily. She kissed the side of Yennefer’s head, softening her annoyance. “You’ll love it, I promise.”

She moved forward, grabbing Yennefer’s hand to pull her after her. She could imagine Yennefer rolling her eyes behind her, in the company of that faint, fond smile whenever she thought Triss was doing something silly, but endearing. The thought made warmth spread inside Triss’s chest.

As soon as she’s heard about this place, she knew she had to take Yennefer here. Her stomach tingled with excitement as the forest opened up before them, and the field spread out in front of their eyes.

There were flowers amidst the harsh green grass, blooming in all sorts of colors: the plants swayed softly in the gentle breeze, the buoyant reds, the cheerful yellows, the lovely blues and gentle pinks of the flowers shining brightly everywhere their eyes could see.

Triss glanced at Yennefer next to her, her heart swelling inside her chest when she spotted that unabashed awe in Yennefer’s eyes. Yennefer stared at the flowers before her, her lips parted slightly as she took one careful, slow step towards the field, as if she was worried she would scare the flowers away.

“Well?” Triss asked, never taking her eyes off Yennefer as she tentatively discovered the field. “What do you think of it?”

“It’s beautiful,” Yennefer breathed, her lips curling into the most carefree smile Triss has ever seen. It was so beautiful, that it outshone the beauty of the flowers.

“Apparently, these flowers live forever,” Triss explained, “they never die. They forever remain this beautiful and colorful. Even during winter. They hide under the snow for a while, and then they sprout up again, looking ever so perfect and strong.”

She stepped closer to Yennefer, reaching for her hand. Yennefer immediately laced their fingers together, pulling Triss closer.

“I wanted to show you, because I thought you would appreciate it,” Triss continued, a little shyly. Yennefer sighed, but it was a happy one. She wrapped an arm around Triss and pulled her closer, burying her face in her neck.

“I love it,” Yennefer told her. Triss could feel her grinning against her skin. “It’s beautiful.”

“I hope…” Triss started, then she trailed off. She swallowed around the lump in her throat, suddenly feeling choked up with emotions.

“I hope we will be like these flowers.”

“That we would live forever?”

“Not necessarily that,” Triss smiled, feeling tears welling up in her eyes, “but this thing between us… what we are. Our connection. I hope that will live forever. Even if sometimes the snow falls on us… we will come back alive again. That we will keep shining against all odds. I want that for ourselves.”

Yennefer smiled, reaching up to tuck a piece of hair behind Triss’s ear. She cupped her cheek and placed a soft kiss onto her lips which made Triss’s knees buckle underneath her.

“I hope so, too,” Yennefer whispered. “Thank you, for taking me here today.”

Triss could only reply with pulling Yennefer into another, even deeper kiss.

The tears didn’t seem to want to stop. They flowed down her face endlessly as the tension finally broke, as the pain and loss poured out of her. Triss sobbed freely, carelessly, clinging onto Yennefer like an anchor. She never wanted to let go of her again, never wanted to let her out of her sights.

Yennefer held her back, her arms tight around Triss. She wept silently, as opposed to Triss’s loud cries. But then again, she didn’t know how Triss felt, she didn’t know the despair and the grief. She didn’t know what it meant for Triss to see Yennefer again.

“I thought we’ve lost you,” Triss whimpered against Yennefer’s shoulder, smearing tears all over her dress, “I thought you were gone.”

“I’m here,” Yennefer told her, clutching Triss tighter. “I’m here.”

Triss snifled loudly, trembling against Yennefer. She never wanted to feel like this ever again, like her world just ended. She thought Yennefer died. She thought everything that Triss held dear in this life was gone forever.

She nearly went insane with grief. She wanted to destroy the world around her, because she didn’t want to live in it without Yennefer on her side. She wanted to get rid of all the memories, because they hurt too much, while desperately clinging to them, needing the last bits of her lover on her mind. Tissaia was worried about her. She truly thought that Triss has gone mad. She tried to force Triss to focus on her healing, instead, to get better after her injuries, but Triss couldn’t care less about herself. The only thing on her mind was Yennefer, and the aching, empty hole she’s left behind.

And now, Yennefer was back. She was alive, holding Triss. Triss could barely hold herself up, she would have probably collapsed if it weren’t for Yennefer’s arms around her. The relief upon seeing Yennefer again nearly consumed her.

“Gods,” Triss sniffled as she pulled back, still grabbing onto Yennefer’s shoulders. She took a good look at her, still barely believing that what she was seeing in front of her eyes, was real. “You really are back.”

“I am,” Yennefer reached up to cradle Triss’s cheek. “And so are you. Are you alright?”

“I don’t matter,” Triss whispered, “what matters is that you’re here. And alive, and well. Gods, Yennefer… I thought I would die without you. I was… I was hoping that I would. Because there’s no life without you, I can’t live without you…”

“You don’t have to,” Yennefer shushed her softly, “see? We’re together again.”

“When I’ve heard you were back,” Triss continued, her voice wavering, “at first I didn’t believe it. I thought it was some cruel joke. Then, I thought… that even if I’ve died… it would have been still worth it, if it meant you’d be back. Yennefer, I… I never want to be without you. I’m terrified you’re not real, that I’ve gone insane with your loss…”

“Triss,” Yennefer spoke to her softly, caressing her face with her thumbs, “it’s alright now. What should I do to make you believe I’m back?”

“Kiss me,” Triss begged, dropping to her knees in front of Yennefer. She grabbed onto her dress, terrified that if she took her hands off Yennefer for a second, she would disappear. “Touch me, make love to me, make me yours again. I wanna feel you, I wanna know you won’t disappear again.”

Yennefer did all of that that night, touched and kissed Triss so gently, but with enough intensity for her to know she was there. And Triss touched her the same, merging together with Yennefer in their bed, refusing to let go for even a second.

No, no, not Triss. Not her. She had to be okay, she couldn’t be hurt.

Yennefer pushed everyone out of the way, her heart hammering inside her chest. She ran so fast her feet barely touched the ground. She couldn’t even see where she was going, blindly stumbling forward just to reach Triss, just to see if she was alright.

She’s lost sight of her during the battle: she could tell that the rest of the sorceresses were alright, but she couldn’t find Triss. Her heart clenched painfully, tears of desperation filling her eyes. It was like Sodden all over again, but with the roles reversed: last time, it was Triss who thought she’s lost Yennefer, and who had to spend so much time in painful uncertainty. Now, it was Yennefer who was forced to go through the same, not knowing if Triss was alright or not.

She found her at last, curled up on herself on the floor. Blood soaked through her dress, and her eyes were closed. Yennefer dropped to her knees next to her, reaching out for Triss. Her hands were soon covered in blood as she touched her.

“Triss,” Yennefer whispered, tears streaming down her face. Triss didn’t reply, just lay there, motionless. Yennefer shook her head. This couldn’t be happening. She couldn’t lose her. Triss was her everything.

She thought back on all the time they’ve spent together: she remembered a young, friendly Triss who told her it was fine if she struggled with her magic, a gentle soul who always believed Yennefer was the most beautiful, most special thing in the world. She remembered the Triss who was always by her side, who always provided her comfort during her lowest points, who cared for her like no one else did, who showed Yennefer that life had a lot to give, even when it felt like everything was hopeless. Triss, who, despite constantly reminding Yennefer of how special she was, had trouble seeing her own worth. Triss, who loved Yennefer so much, but never dared say it out loud, but said and did so many other things that spoke louder than any words could, because that was what Yennefer needed in those moments. Triss, whom Yennefer loved so much in return, and whom she refused to let slip away.

“Triss, come back to me,” Yennefer pleaded with her, raising one of Triss’s hands to her lips. She kissed each of her bloodied knuckles, her tears falling onto Triss’s skin. “I love you, I love you so much,” Yennefer whispered, “I love you more than anything in this world. Please, don’t leave me.”

She laid her head against Triss’s hand, sobbing as she clutched onto her, whispering a thousand more “I love you”s against her skin, a desperate mantra to somehow bring her back.

Then, faintly, she felt a squeeze around her own hand, followed by hearing a weak intake of breath.

“I love you too,” Triss whispered, her eyes opening slowly.

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