#Yeah so since this is a multiple fandoms blog i will do some of them not only ttte coz why not?

[jessythebunny]

🧡 X 💜

Let's change the fandom and have some of smiling critters for a bit 😌✨

[muffinlance]

Wait, what’s going on with Embers???? That fic has been on my read later list since 2021, what’s happened with it???

Brief overview, then I'm likely never touching this topic again, because this is not a Drama Blog:

Context: Embers is a super old AtLA fic that was written during the early fandom days, read widely at the time, and was the origin of the widely-used fanon name of "Wani" for Zuko's ship (kind of by default that it was one of the first popular fics to give his ship a name, I think?), even though most fic writers don't seem to realize it's from there anymore.

"What's Going On": I used to include a link in all my stories to it, because I believe in crediting other writers for borrowed elements, and I was using "Wani" in all my fics. But BOY did I not want to be sending readers that way anymore, so I've adopted a new name for Zuko's ship, and removed all Embers links.

None of the criticisms about Embers itself are new; I'm assuming they date back to when the fic was being written, because this isn't an "it aged badly" thing, this is an "actually yeah this gets worse the longer you think about it and I shouldn't have ignored my bad feelings just because some of the worldbuilding was interesting" thing.

An Incomplete List of Why I Made the Change:

I don't actually like the story that much anymore, and don't want to rec it

I tried to re-read it recently to see if some things were as bad as I remembered and it turns out they were So Much Worse Oh Yikes. More specifically, the treatment of Katara and Aang and their respective cultures has... rather a lot going on. One example: The Fire Nation and Air Nomads are both given multiple backstory elements in an attempt to make the average Fire Nation soldier's participation in the genocide/war in large part the fault of the Avatar and the Air Nomads themselves, and also fully justified from the Fire Nation perspective. And I do mean fully. One of its core tenants is "People from the Fire Nation (and only people from the Fire Nation) who don't follow orders Literally Die, therefore murdering pacifists and babies and continuing the war (and their regularly scheduled war crimes) is the only thing it is physically possible for them to do". I cannot emphasize enough how literal that is.

Also the name "Wani" means "Alligator" and is... objectively a pretty lame name for Zuko's ship? Where's the personality, where's the deeper meaning, where's the resonance with Zuko's themes? @tuktukpodfics initially thought I was calling the ship "Wanyi", and that's what I've switched to, because it is Objectively So Much Better. In their words: “Wànyī (萬一): Literally ‘one in ten thousand,’ ‘perchance.’ Used grammatically in Chinese to mean ‘what if’ or ‘just in case.’ I think a ship called ‘The Perchance’ is perfect for a boy clinging to false hope.”

TL:DR; I don't rec Embers anymore, because I don't actually like the story anymore, and there are things about it that get worse the more I think on them. I've removed links to it and renamed Zuko's ship to "Wanyi" ("The Perchance") because our boy deserves a ship name that reflects his character arc.

[sokkastyles]

Hi! I just had a funny interaction and it kinda reminded me of the stuff I see sometimes on your blog.

So I posted something that was certainly Azula critical (and definitely anti-Azula stan, I'm pretty sure I tagged both) and I had three or four people start discourse with me over it, which is fine and all. But the funny part is one of those people was a grown person with a JOB that decided that they were not going to conduct any analysis but instead just make personal attacks at me the whole time, which they freely admitted. Once they started, another joined in and kept going until I stopped contact with both of them.

Now for context, I'm a high school senior in six different APs, captaining a girl's lacrosse team and my Taekwondo demo team, and I'm fairly active in four or five other minor extracurriculars. The point is, I'm a busy person. Tumblr is a simply creative outlet for me to connect with people who share my interests. And yeah, as an 18 year old who just started making analysis posts on a website where I'm surrounded by many more older individuals, I know my posts aren't all that refined. But I still feel like I was able to articulate my thoughts in a decent enough way. However, not only was I not able to convince others of my viewpoints (which I'm ok with tbh), I also received some hurtful comments that's definitely turned me away from having any discourse in this fandom at all.

So this is all basically lead-up to two questions:

Since you have a lot of experience in this sort of writing, do you have any advice for making an argumentative essay/meta on fandom related content (characterization, relationships, etc)?

Are you supposed to respond to or ignore unproductive comments/personal attacks? Am I letting them win if they have the last word?

To be completely honest, even if it's not my number 1 choice, I think Zutara is a fascinating ship that makes a lot of sense (more than Kataang for SURE smh). Reading your posts on them have been incredibly insightful and it's given me a lot of respect for the ship. I just wish I could write something like that, mainly for my own satisfaction. It's frustrating seeing characters like Azula being obliterated in fandom and being put into a little box of either girlboss or victim when she's so much more nuanced than that. That's what I was trying to communicate, and I did say multiple times that I saw her as more than just one or the other, but it definitely came across wrong. This was my first experience writing any sort of meta and it's definitely been a failure.

Hello! As a grown person with a job, let me first say this:

You do not owe anyone a reply, argument, or justification, ever.

Understanding this will help you with avoiding a lot of pointless discourse. And I'm not saying I'm always the best at avoiding it, but I did witness what happened with you and the Azula stans, and you did nothing wrong. Your original post was very well reasoned and fair. The people who were attacking you over it were being overly defensive and are well known for their ridiculous takes and toxic behavior, and twisting the narrative to make Azula seem like she's been unfairly villainized by the narrative, other characters, and fandom.

If anything, you were being nice by apologizing for being "antagonistic," even though you were being no such thing and they attacked you, and that's why they took the opportunity to attack you more. The thing is, though, that they were being manipulative. Which is unsurprising, since all of their arguments defending Azula follow the same rhetorical patterns.

I'm not saying don't be nice and don't apologize, but you don't have to apologize for people taking your arguments in complete bad faith and using that to try and hurt you. They are the ones in the wrong, and they're the ones perpetuating harm. And if they can convince you that it's actually you doing harm, that's one way they can try and harm you. That's why they kept responding to you, because you were nice and they saw an opportunity to harm you. Not because there was anything wrong with your arguments, which were very eloquently put and well-reasoned.

It actually really worries me when I see these kinds of interactions. I joke about Azula stans acting this way because I'm an adult and I know how not to take their bullshit seriously, but what they are doing can perpetuate real harm if they can convince enough people that they need to apologize for imagined harm. I've seen it happen many times in fandom spaces that became abusive because a loud minority is able to convince enough young, impressionable people of the threat of harm. On a meta level, it's just like what Ozai and Azula do to Zuko by convincing him he is to blame and using that as a justification to hurt him.

Anyway, it's perfectly acceptable to block and ignore people who act this way, and probably preferable for your own mental health. Again, I'm not always the best at taking this advice, and I know what it feels like to get sucked into an argument about stupid fandom stuff, but it is always okay to just walk away. Letting someone have the last word doesn't mean you've lost. It means you're not letting yourself be dragged down to their level, which is often what these people are seeking to begin with. There's an African proverb that goes "if a madman steals your clothes and you run after him, you're still the one running naked in the streets."

If somebody wants to run naked in the streets, just let them do it. You don't have to run after them.

(Ironically, I said this to a coworker the other day, too. Being an adult with a job doesn't guarantee you never have to interact with shitty people, unfortunately.)

On that same note, I appreciate the compliment about my zutara posts, but it's okay if you don't like the ship. Shipping is a personal choice and you don't have to have reasons for why you do or don't ship something. If my posts resonate with you, great! But I'm not here to convince anyone of anything.

Anyway, have a nice day and take care of yourself! You seem like you have a solid head on your shoulders, so don't let fandom stuff get you down.

[dervampireprince]

Hi hi!! I had a purely curious question/thought for you

I know the OCs that you post are the ones that you voice act, but I was wondering if you had any other OCs that you don’t post?

sure! i got lots. i've been drawing and writing about my ocs my entire life, my audio ocs aren't only ocs nor are they the only ocs i draw or write about. if anyone's interested in my other ocs, all my ocs are on my toyhouse page and i have more than just my audio ocs on art fight. and some of them have pages on my fanworks museum because i have talked about them in my discord, on stream, have some up in art fight, all my ocs are on toyhouse, and i've posted about some on my sfw blog before. if i ever make nsft content with them it'd go on here, and there are some non-audio ocs i have that i'm considering voicing someday.

here's a handful of my non-audio ocs:

barnaby and o-554 (aka 'oscar'). what if a vampire and an 80s pc that became sentient fell in love? i made them last year just before art fight because i really love hal900 and had recently found out about edgar from electric dreams and i wanted to have my own ocs with a robot x human romance but more specifically a robot that has a non-human body. and with barnaby being a vampire, they both get to be immortal. i'm so happy how many people on art fight instantly drew them.

masque (aka my monster boy band). a group of ocs i'm still working on (got two members of the band left to finish designing) that i've talked about here before as i want to make audios with all of them. a visual kei inspired rock band but all the members are based on classical gothic literature monsters.

toontown corporate clash ocs. i have my main toon 'prince teddy' that i play as, but i also made this boy just because i wanted an oc to ship with litigator. and lance aaa i love, i really have been wanting to draw him lately beyond just this ref sheet.

supernatural oc. did i make august just so he could kiss lucifer... maybe.

ghost ocs. solas is in the middle of being a lil redesigned, i initially wrote that his angel form was similar to a lion but i hate that idea, i'm going to edit his ref sheet to retract that. drew him on stream on wednesday.

bongle and spade. so i was messing around on aidn.jp/wowa while live on twitch and was showing chat how it worked and drew a random cat anthro as an example. chat liked the silly doodle, i asked for names for him and green_fogg named him bongle, and oops he became an entire oc. spade is a random guy i doodled when doing warm up sketches based on loveletterworm's character idea generator and after i made bongle i thought 'wouldn't it be funny it they were in the same world and bongle annoyed spade and also they've fucked'.

mori. my beloved baby. if you've ever popped in on stream, i have a picture of an ikea alien plush on my overlay. that's mori. i have him irl, he arrived on a sad day for me, and he's been one of my best pals since. and i wanted to draw silly images of him for my website but my brain said 'make him an oc' and then this happened a couple weeks ago.

but yeah that's just a few, i have more fandom ocs and more fully original ocs and other stories. i have this big high fantasy story i've rewritten multiple times and i'd love to finalise all those characters designs one day and maybe even turn them into audio ocs because they mean a lot to me. but we'll see. not all of these will ever become audio ocs, and it's nice to have ocs that aren't also used for work. but yeah i love making and designing characters, especially drawing clothes, and like i said if anyone's every curious they're all on my toyhouse along will all my drawings of them. i'm dervampireprince on toyhouse, you don't need an account to see my characters.

[this blog is 18+, minors dni]

[ilikekidsshows]

Another thing with the rabid Marinette stans is the virtue signaling. It's incredibly annoying cause it's touted as a "kids show" and people want kids shows to genuinely showcase issues that might happen day to day, even in fantasy situations. And a lot of kids shows are great at it, but ML is not one of them and the MariStans only ever care about those things when it makes Marinette upsette while also ignoring her behavior and their own. Like it's been brought up about how shit their behavior is towards anyone who isn't rapidly downing copium while they also go on about how Marinette doesn't have to forgive her bullies or whatever. Marinette's done so much worse than whatever petty thing Chloe or Sabrina or the rest of those middle school bullies have done, and people always instantly forgive her. Same who people just love to claim Chloe caused the most akumatizations or whatever when Marinette's def caused more and has done worse things that didn't end in akumatizations (re: S5 finale and anything related to it + abusing her hero persona because she's been using it to deal with her petty civilian worries since the beginning cause she can't bring herself to face them head on as Marinette so she has to do it as Ladybug. Volpina anyone? Breaking into Adrien's room because she can't bring herself to talk to him face to face?).

That's not even getting into how they cry about the racism and ableism and whatnot Marinette supposedly faces while writing their Alya bashing fics and ignoring the blatant characitures of multiple Asian characters and complete disregard for disabled characters and the show's unwillingness to have any good, well thought out depictions of any regularly/historically oppressed group of people.

---

Yeah, like, I just saw a post where Marinette stans were claiming that just because the people calling out Marinette’s abuse apologia don’t do it as much for all the other characters keeping Adrien in the dark it's misogyny, when the group of people supposedly not being criticized includes another POC girl and two women. This just in: Marinette is the only female and POC character in Miraculous! No, what it actually means is that Marinette is the only character that registers as a fictional person to her stans, which explains why they hate basically every other character in the show. I mean, either that or they’re just parroting Astruc whining about misogyny whenever someone says they don’t like the main character he, a white man, wrote. How progressive of them.

Like, this has been discussed before, but Marinette stans have such strong opinions about bullying, but only when Marinette is the perceived victim. When Marinette bullies the new girls for liking the same boy, it’s crickets. And when they themselves see a take they don’t agree with, the worst of them don’t waste a second breaking out the cyberbullying tactics. Everyone in this fandom knows “salters” are free game for the worst Marinette stans, and, in fact, I’ve seen some Marinette stans go into pretty neutral blogs’ inboxes with messages like: “you sound like a salter” that sound downright threatening when you’re aware of how the Marinette stans that crawl in people’s inboxes act like.

I think the one thing Marinette has on any of the villains is that, uh, actually, I was gonna say she hasn’t gotten anyone expelled from school, but she did, her targets just had actually done something expulsion-worthy (ignore Marinette doing something expulsion-worthy herself to accomplish this). Also, like, people keep pointing out she hasn’t purposefully done a lot of the stuff she does, although, as I keep saying, when Marinette makes a pattern of humiliating, ignoring and insulting people without meaning to, it makes it actually worse than if she was just being a jerk on purpose, because her victims are constantly made to forgive her for “mistakes” that are just the way she treats other people by now.

Basically, there’s very little any villain in the show has done that Marinette also hasn’t, she just has more or less (more often less) convincing mitigating circumstances for when she does it and the stans cling to and make up these mitigating factors desperately.

But, sure, it’s not the show that’s sexist, racist and ableist with how it depicts its characters, the problem is obviously the fans who have a problem with the writing. It's not like Marinette stans themselves constantly cry bad writing in defense of Marinette and then ignore it when said bad writing includes blatant ignorance of the very topics they hold up as weapons against critics.

[enheene]

hii let me just start by telling you that your blog is just *chef's kiss*🤌

could you write something with this sunghoon in mind? :3

(this episode really turned the whole fandom feral🫠)

thank u <3

Hiii, thank you so much!! Here you are^^

What about the pool party?

18+ MDNI

}^Summary: You and Sunghoon are just best friends. At least that’s what both of you keep saying (even though you’re both in love with each other). Well for the others, it looks quite different.

}^Warnings: bff!sunghoon x afab!reader (it’s not mentioned in the fic but it’s friends to lovers), riding, fingering, exhibitionist!hoon, unprotected sex (please practice safe sex), food, alcohol was only mentioned, not consumed, idk what else

}^Words: 1.4k

}^A/N: It’s pretty rushed so i’m not that satisfied with that story and I feel like this trope(?)/plot(?) is overused and I literally had no ideas of what to write.. I’m really sorry for the outcome!!

Knowing the siblings for over 15 years now is quite long, isn’t it? Well, today is the 23rd birthday of your best friends brother, to which you’re of course invited to. Jay decided to make it a rooftop pool party at their apartment, since their parents will be heading off to their colleagues “hangout” party. And since he knows a lot of people from high school and college, Jay obviously had to invite them.

You were as usual invited for the close friends and family only celebration before the actual party took place, so you already took all of your clothes and things you need, thinking that you will probably end up sleeping there.

After everyone sang happy birthday and gave their presents, you and Sunghoon headed off to his room to start getting ready for the rooftop pool party. “Sunghoon, which one is better?” You asked him showing him a bikini and a swimsuit to choose. “Hm, I like the swimsuit one but it’s up to you.” Bullshit. With you wearing a swimsuit he was hoping he wouldn’t get as horny because of you. That’s bullshit too. He’s horny all the time even when you’re wearing your homeless type of outfits. Letting out an “okay” under your breath, you decided to ignore his ‘help’ and wear a bikini just to provoke him for fun. Already wearing the bikini, you have put on in the bathroom, you asked him how you look. He cursed multiple times in his head as he did NOT want to get hard right now and especially not in your presence. “You look okay, I guess.” You scoffed at his answer and put on one of your shirts and shorts, since the party is still some hours away. “Imma get something to eat. You want something?” He asked you as you answered with a simple “No, thanks”.

Walking to the kitchen, Sunghoon saw his parents getting ready to leave the apartment, exchanging a “Bye.” with them. He saw Jay and a friend of his packing all of the alcohol and some snacks that were officially for the pool party asking him “What are you doing?”. His older brother answered “Basically, more people than I’ve actually invited will come, so we decided to move my birthday to this one lake we always went to.” Sunghoon was a bit confused. What lake? “I don’t know what you’re talking about but won’t it be too dangerous there? Because of the water and you know.” “Yeah, but here is it as dangerous as it’s there.” Sunghoon wasn’t so convinced about this idea but whatever, it’s not his life. Though he already decided that the both of you won’t be going anywhere, just stay here and have fun at your own.

Going back to you with some snacks and soda, he shouted your name and for you to open the door. You did so as he went into his room, placing the snacks and drinks on his desk, telling you to change back into your normal clothes. “But what about the pool party?” You asked him. “They’re going somewhere else but we are staying here.”

You were disappointed but still did as he said and changed back into your strap dress that is on the shorter side, but this time not putting on the bra, as it’s going to be just the two of you.

After some time spent together in his room, you decided to go to the kitchen and eat some proper meal with him. Preparing all the needed ingredients, Sunghoon comes up with with the idea of eating outside and enjoy the view of the city, to which you agree. Sunghoon sets the table outside and puts the already cooked pasta in the middle of it. To your surprise it’s not that late but the sunset is already there, so after you finish eating you tell Sunghoon to stand up and follow you. As you stand in front of the pool you try to push Sunghoon in but with his sudden grip on your dress, he pushes you in with him, making the both of you wet. You start splashing water at each other which makes the both of you laugh and scream out loud. The harsh movements in the water made you slip, though with the fast reaction of Sunghoon grabbing your waist, you avoided the fall.

As you found the balance in your legs, you stand up staring deeply in his eyes. He does the same. Feeling shy, you look down noticing his soaked, white, long sleeved shirt which was now fully see through, making you get a glimpse of his toned abs and chest. He followed your eyes, spotting your hardened nipples, getting him hard as well. Sunghoon takes your chin into his hand and makes you look at him, as the other is still holding your waist, and asks “Can I kiss you, y/n?”. You slowly nod your head as a yes. Sunghoon leans in to kiss you. As your lips meet, you put your hands on his chest and he pulls you in even more. The kiss is passionate, sweet and tender. Grasping for a breath, you take your lips off of his and lean your forehead against his, your noses touching. The short pause made the both of you want even more, so he picks you up and you wrap your legs around him. You feeling his bulge poking your still clothed cunt made you even wetter, so you started to kiss him again as he placed you on the edge of the pool. Pulling up your dress and taking off your panties, he looks at your cunt and touches your clit moving his finger in circling motions and up and down as you whimper his name under your breath. „Love, you’re so wet.” He puts his finger into your hole making you moan and lean down on your elbows, throwing your head back. He chuckles seeing your reaction as he adds another finger in your clenching hole, massaging your thigh. With a mischievous grin, he led you to come to your high on his fingers, you moaning his name as he praised you for doing so well for him. He picked you up so he could sit down in the pool, you on top of him. You unbuttoned his shorts, pulling them down enough to free his cock and immediately after put your hands back on his shoulders. “Are you sure you want this, love? There is no going back. You know that, right?” He asked making sure that it’s not against your will. “Yeah.” You answered him smiling somewhat naughty. Sunghoon pushed his tip into your still slightly throbbing cunt as you opened your lips and scrunched your face from the mixture of pain and pleasure. Your best friend started breathing loud and hard, you letting out a loud moan, when his cock is stretching you out, being now fully, deep in you. You slowly start bouncing on him revealing all the sounds he had always wanted to hear. Water splashing around you. Him groaning and whimpering into your ear. His one hand on your waist and the other one on your hip. “F-fuck, love, faster please.” He pleaded you. You have never expected riding in water being so hard, so you ask for his help and he sped up the pace. “Hoonie, ughhh, I love you so much.” “I love you too, love.” With the feeling of your approaching orgasm, you let him know about the need to cum soon while he’s cursing and mumbling out a “me too, lov-fuck.”

What the both of you didn’t know is that Jay and some of his male- as well as female- friends came back into their apartment to get more alcohol and snacks and that the both of you were fully visible to them all through the big windows in the kitchen-living room.

As you both reached your high at around the same time, you exchanged an intimate and lingering kiss with each other. You smiled against his teeth deciding that it’s time to head back inside and shower. Turning your head to spot your panties, you saw multiple people inside looking right at you. “FUCK HOON, they’re all standing there! They saw us!”. “And what about it, love?” Sunghoon brushed it off quickly being proud of it. “Your brother, Jay, also saw us? That’s about it, Hoon.”

“Well, wanna show them some more?” Sunghoon suggested smirking.

[worldsbiggestnerd101]

intro post!!

hi there! my name’s emmy, welcome to my blog! i’ve been here for a good while now but since i’ve started to gain more attention, i figured it was time to make an intro post!

basic info:

name(s): em/emmy/emeline, angie/angel (no preference)

age: minor (NO NSFW BULLSHIT PLEASE)

birthday: january 4 :D

orientation/sexuality: bisexual (femme/wlw leaning)

gender: cis girl

pronouns: she/her (they/them is ok but not preferred)

nationality: born and raised in the US of A (new york babyyyyyyy), but my parents are guyanese, so i’d say guyanese american

race: mixed, my mom has light skin (she gets mistaken as hispanic a lot) and my dad has medium brown skin so i’m somewhere in the middle (i too get mistaken for hispanic a lot)

other info: i’m neurodivergent, possibly autism or adhd (or both) but i was a “gifted” kid if that counts for anything, oh and i have anxiety

fandoms:

this a multifandom blog, so while i do have my phases/eras/hyperfixations, i will be posting about multiple fandoms at once, even if one’s taking up more posts than the others combined.

here are some of my mains!

roblox piggy

murder drones

hazbin hotel + helluva boss

gravity falls

ride the cyclone

welcome home

it’s easiest to tell what my current main hyperfixation is by just looking at my pfp/blog theme, as i’ll usually set it to something related to my current biggest hyperfix. i’ll update this list as needed, but i’m also active in the percy jackson, american girl, and stranger things fandoms. i’m also into a lot of cartoons, like she-ra and the princesses of power, steven universe, the owl house, carmen sandiego, mlp gen 4, etc. so feel free to ask about those! i’m also a major theater kid, some of my favorite shows are hamilton, dear evan hansen, wicked, mean girls, beetlejuice, and six, so you can ask about any of those too! (i’ve only seen wicked and hamilton 😭)

links

ok so all my links to other posts or blogs or accounts or anything really are here!!

youtube: here!!

hazbin hotel high school au masterpost: here!!

discord server bullshittery masterpost: here >:3

tags

#em rambles - original post tag

#asks - any and all asks i get!!

#mutuals - any asks from/posts about my mutuals will be tagged with this, and it's like a guarantee that you'll get your own name tag too!!

#anon - if you send me an anon ask, just look here to find it :D

#emmy’s edits - all my original edits!! they’re up on my youtube too but you can find them here under that tag

#hazbin high school au - my own au!! i made this by myself with a few ideas from friends but this is like my own creation that i'm working on!!

EDIT: AS OF 07/06/2024, ANYTHING RELATING TO HELLUVA BOSS S2E9 APOLOGY TOUR WILL NOT BE TAGGED AS SPOILERS. IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE EPISODE I ADVISE AGAINST SCROLLING.

edit: as of 07/16/2024 i have a girlfriend!! her name is hannie, aka the wonderful amazing absolutely adorable @furryrainbowscreature i love her so much <333

dni:

homophobes, transphobes

supporters of israel

queer exclusionists (anti "conflicting" labels, terfs, etc)

racists

blogs with heavy amounts of nsfw content (i’m a teenager so. please.)

sexists/misogynists

pedos/“maps”

so yeah i think that’s about it!! thanks for reading y'all <3

also: FREE PALESTINE 🇵🇸

[1kazul]

intro post but i'm a year late

hey! i'm kazul, nice to meet you :}

if incorrectly-capitalised stuff annoys you i highly suggest you continue scrolling now

shoutout to @/forest-fairy-wren. random (yet lovely) person i saw the blog of today who happened to have an intro post which inspired me to finally make one myself.

Important things:

- i'm transmasc! he/him pronouns, any neos (no pref) as well

- i'm a minor, please don't ask me for money or be nasty. you will get blocked.

- it's pronounced "kuh-ZOOL"

- i'm a furry and a questioning alterhuman. if you're remotely against either of these identities please dni

- i was raised on david bowie music and taught that he is love and he is life (/mj) so uhhm thats probably relevant somehow

- please use tonetags when saying something to me that could be perceived multiple ways! if you're not sure if that's the case, use a tag!

Stuff i like v

Music: bands/artists

david bowie (obv) and most 70s/80s rock + new wave bands (ask me if i know ppl you like!)

mother mother

radiohead

alex g

noah kahan

the backseat lovers

boywithuke/chandol (!!)

hozier (!!)

conan gray

sleeping at last

coldplay

billie eilish (sorta)

IDKhow

saint motel

lemon demon

will wood (both with and without his tapeworms)

jack stauber

fleet foxes

the barr brothers

death cab for cutie

all the epic the musical people

specific songs i love (you're seeing into my soul here):

sailor song - gigi perez

world burns - lokel

strawberry wine - noah kahan

unknown/nth - hozier

problems - pinegrove

runaway - boywithuke

Fandoms i'm in (in order of most stronglyness upon making this post):

epic the musical

the x-files

the disastrous life of saiki k.

dead boy detectives

brooklyn nine nine (jake peralta is Literally (/nsrs) Me)

doctor who

dandadan

supernatural

Stardew Valley

good omens

cyberpunk edgerunners (haven't played the game)

helluva boss (not a fan of hazbin hotel, really)

koe no katachi/a silent voice

the wild robot

legend of zelda, mostly botw & totk

bbc sherlock

httyd

[def more that i forgot and will add when i remember]

fun facts abt me because i can't think what to add next:

im not british (or anything non-american). in sixth grade my friend and i discovered bbc sherlock, got hyperfixated on it, and decided to start spelling things the non-'merican way. he's dropped it, but the habit has stuck with me since.

i really like boba tea and fully believe that tapioca is better than the popping pearls (the flavor of the latter is just lost in the tea, and there's barely any texture, what's the point??) (gen confused. /srs)

big fan of the sky. specifically the night sky but i like the sky in general. i love to take pictures of cool scenes in daytime and ones of the stars. sometimes i post them here.

I'm the drummer in a band that's part of an organization in my local place of living. we're called 'God Save the Queer'. it's me (transmasc, remember?), and a lesbian couple. currently we're working on covering Days by mothermother, and we're planning to do some original stuff in the future :3

my favourite emoticon/text face is :}, as can be seen at the top of this post.

i'm working on learning ASL! for funsies, to support the deaf community, and bc sometimes i hate talking. inspired originally by A Silent Voice (movie mentioned in the fandoms section. it's a beautiful anime about a deaf girl)

when writing does not need to be cohesive and understandable, (such as when texting) i love to use strange punctuation and capitalisation: (,,, , blah Blah ,, .example . Text Here.) my friends find it a nightmare. (or at least one has told me so :D)

i usually do exclamation marks in pairs. (!!) three seems too excited and fake, and one is rarely enough.

i really like the movie Fall Guy. the newish one starring ryan gosling. i would mention it in the fandoms section but i don't think there really is much of a fandom for it. i haven't gone looking, so i very well may be mistaken, i dont know. anyways yeah. fav movie atm and probably will be for a while (couple years mb. i'm picky.).

i'm orchidromantic, which means i feel attraction but don't want a relationship. fancy way of saying i have commitment issues :]

I have a scar on my forehead from my brother throwing a spoon around when we were younger. (my villain origin story frfr) (feel free to ask about it if ya care to know more /nf)

My tags!

kazzydoodles <- art stuff ( i barely ever post- i think i have two things on here that i've drawn lmao. but i might post more if i feel like it in la futura) (i don't think that's right.)

kazzyyaps <- my yapping posts! mostly talking about stuff going on in my life, or like random thoughts.

kazzy crashes out <- my vent posts. feel free to block this tag ^^

and that, dear reader, is the end. whether you read the whole post or simply skipped and ended up here, this is where you are now.

have a cookie 🍪. or if you don't want, or can't eat one, then have a wonderful day instead <3 (in fact, if you so choose, you may have both.)

:}

[annahiril]

The cringe anon who sent you hate is definitely some annoyed Haladriel shipper lol.I love your oc though don't be discouraged and keep drawing whatever you like🥹

Thank you so much for your support 🥹✨️❤️

I'm so happy you like my OC, it mean a lot 🥰

And don't worry, I won't stop sharing my work ✊🏻 In fact, I'm currently working on multiple drawings at the same time 😂

I will be sharing about it soon ❤️

Well, when I first read the anon ask, I thought the same thing 🤔 People get usually mad when OCs are an "obstacle" to their ship.

But maybe I'm wrong? I know some people just don't like fandom OCs in general...

But let's be clear, I have nothing against haladriel/saurondriel shippers.

I do appreciate them and they are welcome on my blog ❤️

But you must know that I have my own opinion on haladriel/saurondriel.

I've never talked about it before, but this is how I see their relationship:

I do believe that Galadriel truly felt something strong for Halbrand during season 1. Whatever if it was love or just a deep friendship/connection, she has felt something for him. (I would be lying if I say otherwise).

But, I don't believe in Galadriel being in love with Sauron, at all.

I think it was made clear by the showrunners since the end of season 1:

When she learned Halbrand was in reality Sauron, her first reflex was to stab him (without any hesitation BTW). Plus, she clearly refused his offer.

In season 2, she also made it clear that "The door is shut".

Let's also recall that Sauron is implied in Finrod's death (her dear brother). That she (probably) loose Celeborn because of the war and that Sauron directly killed Celebrimbor (her friend).

She has absolutely no reason to love him, believe me.

So, I think we can all agree on the fact that Galadriel felt something for Halbrand, but not for Sauron.

It was also shown multiple times during season 2:

I'm thinking about her discussion with Gil-Galad when she said "Halbrand" instead of "Sauron". Or her reaction during episode 8, when Sauron took back his Halbrand form.

But what about Sauron?

He is the great deceiver... So in my opinion, he deceived Galadriel the same way he did with Celebrimbor, Mirdania or everyone else in this series.

He offers people what they desire. And this is exactly what he did with Galadriel, because he thinks she can help him to achieve his goal to rule over Middle-Earth.

That's all.

I will take this sentence as an example: "I will make you a Queen" and not "my Queen".

The use of "a" instead of "my" is what make me think he doesn't have any feelings towards her and knows she doesn't either.

When he offers her to be a Queen, he gave what she deeply desired. And in this case, it wasn't being his Queen. It was, as she said herself "an army" or the power to become a powerful ruler.

Don't you think that he would have offered her to be his Queen if he knows she was in love with him? I mean, love is a strong feeling that Sauron could have use to have her on his side. But he hasn't!

So, yeah, I'm not taking any of Sauron's offer for Galadriel as love proposal...

Although, Sauron being in love is not something I'm against! (Has you can guess)

But in the case of saurondriel, I don't see any romantic feelings.

So, to resume, I do believe Galadriel felt something strong for Halbrand, but I don't believe into Sauron and Galadriel being in love.

But I guess, only the showrunners know the truth after all...

So please, note that even if I'm not an haladriel/saurondriel shipper, I do respect all people who enjoy this ship.

In fact, I can understand why you like this pairing. The rivalry between light and darkness make their dynamic really interesting.

So, even thought I'm not into it, I still enjoy looking at haladriel/saurondriel fanarts or read fanfic/theories about this ship.

Also, I would like to finish by saying that's OK if you don't agree with my interpretation. After all, we all have a personal one.

But please, I will ask you to respect my own vision of haladriel/saurondriel.

Thank you ❤️

And thank you again anon for your kind message 🥰✨️

I wish you a nice day ✨️

[cloudyskydreams]

Are you still active?

HELLO EVERYONE!

TLDR: Yes i am still active just not as active as before due to personal stuff! Plus ask box is closed for a bit while i catch up ::3

I knowww its been awhile since ive posted my apologies but yes i am still active!

I recently started another soul sucking job that's eaten up a lot of my time and other than that i have had a few more personal obligations that have come up recently too.

As well as that my fixation on things tends to come and go in waves and unfortunately that's just amplified with fandoms and ive slowly slipped away from the undertale fandom and back into another old one. (Swear to the gods i just sorta drift between the same 4 fandoms i found as a preteen)

What does this mean? Well it means im mostly consuming hella content for the other fandom lol which hasn't given me as much inspo for my blog unfortunately.

This does NOT mean I'm not going to be posting on here though! I still love Undertale and its aus so much and can rant about them and my head canons for a good bit lol. It just means my updates will be few and far between probably and ill most likely be closing my ask box till i catch up because woahhh there's so much to do.

I'm sure here in a few months my fixation on Undertale will pop back up in full force and ill be back to pushing out multiple posts in shorter time frames again but until then ill do my best to free up some time and answer the asks ive already got!

Besides all that ive also been using my free time on a little project that i will be promoting on here eventually!

So yeah very very busy but im still here just lurking in the shadows >::3

[potionwine]

hi hello i just saw the 70 questions ask game you reblogged uhhhhhh a few days ago and I Want To Know Things! Pls answer questions 2, 9, 12, 18 (considering where you live, i really need to know this one LMFAO), 22, 58 and 62 (and if there's any other question you're dying to answer, tell me about that too)

Fairyyyyy...... because of you I'm going to start watching House any day now probably.... over the years I've watched a whole heap of episodes here and there, but never properly in order. Although I told another friend I will watch The Pitt, and I don't know how much medical drama is too much. Might get indigestion. (And I do not have Netflix because I hate their new prices and password sharing nonsense, so I must find House elsewhere.)

I have finally become sick of sandwiches and bread generally, and I thought of making a Korean style rice bowl for dinner since that allows me to up my vegetable intake, so I happily trotted off to the big Asian grocery mart to get my ingredients sorted, only to realise as all the shops were closing that I had forgotten. to buy. Rice.

Tears, screams, gnashing of teeth.

I literally saw the rows of rice bags as I walked into the store but you know rice bags are big and heavy and I said to myself, I'll grab it on the way out, and I even had my handy grocery list of everything I was searching for, yet Mistakes Were Made. I'm appalled and disgusted.

Oh yea while I have you, did I ever tell you that I first followed you because we have the same XV ships? I mean was this something you knew? I feel like I told you this at some point but I am suddenly uncertain. We discovered each other from the shared XV fandom for sure, but I remember smashing that follow button after scrolling your blog for a bit like yes her ships are peak and her taste is immaculate.

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

My sister 🥰

09: Do you bite your nails?

Alas yes, especially when I'm anxious or thinking hard. Do you? It's such a terrible habit but so instinctive and automatic :((((

It's better than it used to be though, when I was a child I used to bite them into a shocking state—uneven and ugly and bleeding and all that. Since then I've learned to exercise more self-control even though I feel like my anxiety is actually worse loooool. But my nails are healed and normal as an adult; I try to keep them trimmed short and neat to reduce the temptation. I do still catch myself picking at them when I'm stressed at work, etc.

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

Multiple times yeah and I genuinely regret treating myself so carelessly (answered here). These days I have very little patience for people who brag about how little they sleep, especially people who are trying to brag about how much work they do, how hard they grind and hustle (my ex-boss did this all the time, always saying people should sleep when they're dead—cue massive eyeroll), because health is everything. Sleep is crucial and good health is irreplaceable and if we don't have health we don't have anything.

Also, sleep is soft and warm and comfy and wonderful and we can even tell ourselves little stories before we sleep! Top tier activity, unparalleled luxury.

18: Are you scared of spiders?

I am... not! (¬‿¬)

I think certain species of spiders are crazy cute even if I probably wouldn't go as far as keeping them as my pets, and I'm generally able to eliminate most of the household spiders efficiently if needed. Spiders are one of the least offensive common household creatures to me; I'd rather deal with a spider than virtually any other type of pest like cockroach or mosquito any day!

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

I did, but it's looking increasingly unlikely...

Big families are great and sibling relationships are the most important and special relationships ever.

58: Favourite weather?

Low of 16ºC (60ºF), high of 21ºC (69ºF). Cool in the shade, warm in the sun, cool enough that I'm not sweating just from sitting still and minding my own business, warm enough that I can stay up late to write fic without my feet turning into ice blocks. Goldilocks temperature range that doesn't need artificial heating/cooling modifications (e.g. fan, heater, or air-con). In the city where I live, that usually means spring or autumn.

Having said that, my real soul-deep desire is up a mountain somewhere warm and content in a little cosy cottage of my own drinking hot chocolate by the fireplace surrounded by the hush of glittering snow outside. Or the verdant green of spring in the mountains, with lush forests and running waters. Or the splendid foliage of autumn in the mountain valley—actually just think Swiss mountains where every season has a charm of its own (and you would know better than most how that looks like lol).

The reason there's such a stark difference between my two "favourite weathers"—the first type is very precise and narrowly specific, while the second seems so variable and broad, is because it comes down to the practicality and chore of realistic daily living, versus the appreciation of aesthetic beauty and the breathing, changing state of nature. The second type, to be honest, needs me to be in the mindset and/or have the money to observe and appreciate it (usually that means being on vacation; feeling mentally unburdened and free). The first type is because home insulation is absolutely rubbish in Australia and utilities bills are killer expensive and I'm forced out of the home regularly and frequently at times I don't want to be, and forced to commute and work and all that crap.

62: What makes you happy?

Aah.......I'm sort of in a bad way at the moment, so these days it feels like the answer is 'nothing' and I myself am nothing but a yawning chasm of failure and uselessness but fellow tumblr users aren't therapists and I don't want to be a downer..... well, I suppose, this:

Extreme emphasis on the last line.

Ask me: 70 horrible questions

[cheshireliam]

Hello! I'm new to the IkemenSeries fandom and Tumblr in general. There's something I'm curious about. As a translation blog, what are your thoughts on multiple blogs translating the same stories?

hi hi welcome to the fandom <3

just a heads up before i start my yapping: these are all solely my personal opinions and i don't mean to come off as hostile towards other blogs. no hard feelings here!

i don't mind when others tl the same stories i do. because the original content isn't mine to begin with — everything belongs to cybird. however, i do know that some blogs are more particular about this type of situation.

to me, i think it's not very fair to say things like ah i like this suitor so only i can translate his content. every blog has their favourite suitor and one they enjoy tling for the most. using elimination method, i'm only left with liam. but if we go by that logic of only one blog can tl for specific suitors, some blogs are going to be dormant. take my blog for example — i mostly tl for liam, but now he's been banished into the cold palace by the game and i don't have any new liam content to tl. does that mean i should let my blog die, then? since i can't tl for other suitors, in order to avoid conflict. should i... delete my blog? let it collect cobwebs?

a major concern some blogs have would be that other blog's tl for the same story will get more interactions than their own. while i think their feelings are valid, because seeing your post reach a large audience can make you feel appreciated, it's just not a problem for me. after all, my main oshi is already unpopular, so i don't expect anyone to even read what i tl. another concern would be losing motivation after seeing that someone else has already completed the story's translation — i experience this too and i soooo understand this feeling. but then again, who am i to stop them? i don't want to make myself miserable. block and move on.

anyway. i do what i do because i enjoy the game and i love liam, not for "fame" or anything. my life is very fulfilling^^, i have a purpose that goes beyond being a silly little tumblr blog.

i wouldn't confront anyone for tling the same story i did. i just think that... if you're not happy with it, you can simply don't reblog or like the other person's tl. there's no need to make enemies over such minor things.

i say all this... and yet i dare not be the one tling the same story as another blog. i always tell myself to just do it and not care what anyone says, or if anyone wants to think i'm a bitch for "copying" others. but i dislike confrontation, so i actively avoid it. maybe someday i'll get over this fear and tl whatever i want.

sooo yeah this is what i think haha

[charmac]

People seem to forget that transmasc people can still dress feminine and vice versa. Men can wear wigs and dresses and women can cut their hair and grow beards. I think Charlie is transmasc and discovered this early so since he transitioned and looked like a male Bonnie dressed him femininely and he felt fine with it. some people are acting like men cant wear dresses and its annoying

It's definitely absolutely insanely accidental, but RCG really wrote Charlie as the most gender character of all time.

The Bathroom Problem is kinda the best example you can give anyone as to how you can have an infinite interpretation of gender: "cis man who poops transgender," I give you transman who can still enjoy wearing a dress in a certain environment, transfem whose closet is a bathroom stall, genderfluid in the place of bodilyfluids (okay, wait. WAS it definitely accidental?)

We're all on Tumblr, we all know anyone can look and dress any way and be any gender (or, if you don't understand that, I encourage you to explore and talk to trans mutuals!), which is why I think it's quite nonsensical to spend time arguing over a headcanon being dismissive of another. Charlie can be anything! Or nothing! (TY Charlie Day for my favourite line in Right to Chop "I don't really identify..." <3)

People aren't required to share the same interpretations or agree on what is a good or bad headcanon, and I think if you're getting upset by someone's own personal preferences or their interpretation for character analysis, you're just not supposed to be in the same circles of the fandom, and that's okay! You can share your own opinions, you can post your own content, but you can't keep people from personally disagreeing or expressing why they dislike a certain interpretation in their own, personal spaces online.

A lot of Sunny is pretty deep and also, very heavy. It's not surprising that people end up pulling a lot out of it, often projecting, and then find themselves very personally connected to their own interpretations and feel extremely validated when others agree with them, or feel upsettingly thrown when they see conflicting ideas. I feel all of that constantly, about many different aspects and characters, and a lot of the time I need to talk about it! I spent two years trying to do that on the SUBREDDIT and that's why I made this blog (and why my Twitter account is all but overrun by Sunny, lmfao). I think that's why most of us are here? And a lot of the time we're going to very heavily, crazily, completely agree with each other, but other times we're going to disagree as well.

Sometimes disagreement is something you can shrug off and move past (yeah, there are very clearly multiple interpretations), something you can just get over by venting more privately or one-on-one, but sometimes it's something you think is genuinely important to address/speak about, and I think that's actually how we can end up having very interesting and meaningful discussions and learn from each other.

(But if that's no good, just unfollow and block if you need to. Some people just don't get along or come from too-far distant places to agree on certain things, and that's a fact of life! This show has thousands of fans who think The D.E.N.N.I.S. System is actually a genius method, and a couple thousand more who think he is genuinely a killer ladies man)

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/739283879438991360/if-im-posting-a-fic-about-a-poly-pairing-is-it?source=share

You're absolutely right about poly ships, but in general with supporting ships I think "would people searching for JUST this pairing be interested?" is a good litmus test. That's often what I ask myself when trying to decide if a B-couple should be tagged as their own ship or should go in additional tags.

By the way, if a couple just shows up briefly or otherwise has a really small role such that people there for *JUST* that couple wouldn't be interested, PLEASE put it in additional tags rather than ship tags for the love of god! So many people don't seem to understand this is an option, and perhaps those kinds of people aren't the kind to read your blog, lol, but I still want to say it. Someone in the replies was talking about a poly fic that constantly updated with a bunch of chapters, clogging their ship tag where it's just two of the people in one of the poly ships, not a focus itself. My tag has like FOUR different regularly-updating, multi-chapter fics right now where it's tagged as "background ship" clogging it! I hate it so much. This is especially common and agonizing if you're in the fandom for one of the less-popular canon ships, since they're so often in the background of some more popular couple. I was in a fandom where an only-really-popular-as-support F/F canon couple was my OTP, and most of their tags was fics focusing on the more popular M/M and F/M couples where my OTP were there for like, maybe a paragraph at most. And people never tagged it in a way that made it clear if it was that or something that might genuinely feature them. Agony! I know you can use "otp: true" but I'm not averse to a good fic with multiple ships where my OTP actually matters in it!

On that note, I wonder if it's ever polite to maybe make a note of it in comments? I'd probably do that anonymously, but especially when you see people who are relatively new to AO3, I wonder if they just don't realize that that's what they should do in these cases. I wonder how many people just don't realize that "putting ships in the additional tags" is an option, and are thinking of tagging more in a Tumblr "indicate the ship is there so people who don't want to see it at all avoid" way than a "tags are for finding it if you WANT it" way.

--

Yeah, for real.

In most of my fandoms, side ships shouldn't be tagged most of the time just because of the typical posting dynamics. Fics that really merit that b-plot ship tag are rare.

In other ones (BTS, I'm looking at you), there's shittons of fics featuring like three separate ships, all of which have significant page time even if one is the lead. Even the "rare" ships aren't that rare unless it's a specific OT4, so it's not that annoying to me when something else is in the ship tag.

But The Untamed? Get your damn juggernaut tag out of my rarepair so I can use otp:true!!!

And yes, tons of people think AO3 tags are for warning people away or for tagging every single ingredient, not for making a fic findable.

They are wrong and they should feel bad.

[louisisalarrie]

"louis leaked the weed video to daily mail and you cant convince me otherwise"

the weed video is so funny to me, I wasn't in the fandom back then so I don't really know how the fandom reacted. But looking at it now is so funny considering how he has a song high in california and even harry has admitted doing drugs not to mention his lyrics. but the funniest part about that video is that zayn says "i know you like dick"

Hello anon!! This was meant to be a lot shorter, but… yep. Here we are. It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these but, well, welcome to the show…

It was sooooo clearly planned. And hilarious. And at the time, because a lot of us were on the younger side, we were shook at this video. tried to rationalise it by them being excited about the actual food chicken, not coke, and there were more than a few people who unstanned. People burned physical concert tickets, deleted their blogs, sent nasty tweets to the boys… It was not something we were expecting, particularly because it just came out of the blue one day, and a lot of us were too young to have dabbled in the devil’s lettuce.

but yeah… louis filmed for a long time, clearly putting the joint in the middle of the frame multiple times so we wouldn’t miss it, spoke super loudly so we’d know it was him, kept talking about how they were smoking weed, and basically removed all plausible deniability. and there wasn’t really too much attempted clean up afterwards. things just kinda kept going on as normal, even after the video was leaked.

SC did a half assed attempt at saving face, Liam made a series of tweets to try and save their butts (as per usual, he cleans up haha), TMZ said One Direction’s lawyers were getting involved because someone stole that video and leaked it (which like… how? It was literally filmed on louis’ phone, and im sure there would be much more interesting things to leak off there), and then articles about how upset Harry was at Louis for the whole thing were planted the next day to a) push larry further apart and continue their enemy thing, and b) push harry for another reason for a solo career.

BUT the thing is… SC’s statement, came roughly a week after all the articles had come out. It wasn’t straight away. And you wanna know why I think that was?

This article from the BBC.

Plainly put, it’s a short speculation piece about whether or not One Direction were still happy. That was a massive thing that came out of that video… was just like, Zayn and Louis being annoyed that they were putting out ANOTHER book, and that it was just the same old boring stuff that the fans had seen and read all before (I have all the books still, and yes, he is correct). I think that probably encouraged a statement from SC, because what’s the best way to show you’re unhappy and wanna step away from your brand and get back at your big boss who has full control over your career? You guessed it! A scandal.

While they certainly were smart enough to do this while in a country where it is legal to have a small amount of jazz cabbage for personal use, to avoid further complications with the law etc., and never actually using any explicit terms like “cocaine”, it got them off the hook enough that this leak was successful while still protected them from “going too far”. And I 100% stand by that it was Louis who planned to film and leak it, and that’s why “I know u like dick” came out, too.

Precious Mr Tomlinson has always been a bit of a mastermind with a master plan, and he knew that by posting this, the media would jump on them doing drugs more so. That was meant to be the main feature, with a splash of hating their brand and wanting to do more for fans. But for us Larries? Well… zayn saying he knows louis likes dick and then a loud louis cackle was pretty huge. Louis encouraged it and probably suggested zayn say something along those lines just to stir the pot (pun intended) some more. This video truly had the trifecta: hating SC/the 1d brand, doing drugs, and encouraging gay rumours.

And theeeeen SC hit louis with a punishment, which was Eleanor was to accompany louis for the rest of the tour because she’s a “great influence on him” (lol) which was announced on the same day of SC’s statement (coincidence?).

That same article then commented on how louis was so upset about the video because he was trying to make a deal to buy the Rovers at that time and didn’t wanna jeopardise it (he knew that vid wasn’t gonna jeopardise shit lol).

I think Louis saying the N word (which we all argued about whether he said it or not for ages bc damn louis) is totally inexcusable. That was by far the worst thing that came out of this video, and the media noticed it too. I don’t think he intended on it being in the video leak, because regardless of how much he wanted to piss off SC, I don’t think he’d ever intended to hurt anyone else and him saying that obviously did. I won’t excuse that and I kinda think well did he even watch it back before leaking it? Did he rewatch it still stoned and didn’t think twice about it? Either way he shouldn’t have said it regardless of being on camera or not and he did really hurt a lot of people. It was stupid.

The vid still available online is cut exactly at 5 mins, and is chopped up and doesn’t show the whole thing (I think there was a longer version somewhere that came out too and it was like over 8 mins but didn’t have the cuts in it? Idk I remember there being a longer one that disappeared???) but yeah… it truly was a time.

[tryingmyhand-atwriting]

BEGIN AGAIN 

Chapter One : An Unplanned Run-In

Notes: Hi, everyone (or no one if no one bothers to read!) This is my first ever attempt at posting fan-fiction that I have written, although I have been a reader of it for years. I’ve been in multiple fandoms through out the years but never had the guts to post anything out of fear of not being good enough or no one liking it but I figure - if one person likes it or one hundred people like it, it will all mean the same to me which is utter gratefulness that will swell within me. I am posting under a side blog so no one will know it’s me although I think there is someone who has found me (if so, hi Elise I love you.) Even if you hate it and it sucks and is boring be nice to me please I am baby. That is all - if you have made it this far I am grateful for that too.

Warnings: SLOW BURN. Hang in with me folks once we get to the good stuff it’s promising. Also, new writer - that’s a warning in itself too.

Word Count: 6545

Ashley Tisdale would argue that at times she knew her best friend better than he knew himself. Since the first day they met their connection had been instant and not even time or distance had proven able to dispel the friendship they both helped to nourish.

Not seeing him for three years didn’t change a thing between them and the older sister intuition kicks in when he’s over for the first time upon returning, meeting Jupiter in person now that he’s home, when he says, ‘Member Isabela?” And a lightbulb goes on over her head.

Ashley remembers a pretty, young eighteen year old interning for Austin’s personal assistant in 2013 to 2014. Isabela had been kind to a fault and so gentle as a person that Ashley–and Austin–had developed a protectiveness over her. She had fit into their group effortlessly and there was a close friendship that had developed between Austin and her. So close they were, Ashley would joke about being replaced. It all went downhill after the Great Incident of 2014 and Ashley never heard Austin nor Vanessa speak about Isabela again.

She exits her kitchen, resting against the doorway with her arms crossed. “Yeah I do,” she replies wondering where he would take it next. Austin hums but doesn’t reply as he continues stroking Jupiter’s back, the toddler asleep on the couch beside him. “Did you run into her or something?” She probes.

“Nah, just been… reminiscin’, I guess.” But Ashley knows her best friend, knows by the clench of his jaw and glint in his eyes that he has more to say. Things he may not want to admit or isn’t sure he should admit. “When Lydia told me she was stepping down after havin’ her baby I asked if she had any contact with Isabela but she said they don’t talk anymore.”

Ashley does a double take. “You wanna offer her the job?” She isn’t sure how to explain to him that if someone reached out after years with no contact , she would have a lot to say to that person. Granted, Isabela would never give anyone a piece of her mind but to save Austin from rejection she knows he is in desperate need of some womanly advice. “Don’t you think that’d be, uh–I’m not sure these are the right words but–awkward and mean after what happened?”

“It doesn’t have to be for the job, Ash.” Austin shrugs his shoulders. “With all these new changes in my life I guess I just uh–I know what people I want in my life now.” Ashley has seen firsthand what he means. While paparazzi had always been a part of their lives, the recent attention and invasiveness being introduced to Austin’s life was something new. A level of fame even Ashley hadn’t achieved with High School Musical..

Ashley had faith in Austin and his talent, even if he wasn’t as confident in himself. She could see his wildest dreams coming true but with Elvis, Ashley also knew he had learnt some lessons scary enough they would never shake. She saw he was frightened to death of being made to be someone he wasn’t, of being put on a pedestal and failing to meet expectations. Most importantly, Austin was made aware of how quickly people came around for the wrong reasons, ready to take advantage of success, money, and fame. Someone who freely gave loyalty and honesty expected it in return, a betrayal of that nature would hurt Austin the most. Ashley had seen Austin lose himself and have to find who he was again, but the man who reemerged was skeptical, with a new point of view.

“So you want to make amends?”

It takes Austin a while to look at Ashley, his hand rubbing soothing circles on Jupiter’s back. “More than anything I just wanna talk to her.” But she sees the longing in his eyes when they meet hers and pieces of the puzzle begin to fit together.

That’s how Ashley ends up at Chucky’s Bar in Los Feliz on a Thursday night. She didn’t tell Austin that she occasionally chats with Isabela over Instagram because she didn’t want him to do something embarassing like slide into her DMs with a lame greeting and possible emoji. Austin was smooth and charming in many ways, but at the end of the day, he was only a man and this situation was better handled with a woman’s touch. All it had taken was a ‘miss you! when are you free?’ before Isabela responded saying that this was where she’d be on her last night in LA before she traveled to Hawaii for a work trip.

“Ashley! You came!” There’s a girly squeal and arms squeezing her from behind before she turns to face Isabela. There’s a wide smile on her face and her hair frizzes with the humidity of the crowded bar. Sweat shines on her face, mascara smudged under her eyes, but Ashley has to smile– Isabela never let perceived-imperfections dull her shine. “You look hot.” Isabela checks her friend out with an impressed grin.

“I feel out of my element. I can’t remember the last time I dressed up.” Ashley giggles, taking in her surroundings. “I’m also scared I’m going to start leaking and ruin this dress.” She gestures to her enlarged breasts, made more noticeable by the deep V-cut of her dress.

Isabela lets out a loud laugh. “Some guys like that,” she whispers conspiratorially and Ashley slaps her on the arm. Isabela grabs Ashley by the hand and begins leading her to a table, “Come on, a friend saved us a table. Victoria’s got bar duty tonight but she’ll be checking in occasionally.”

“Victoria’s still working here?”

Chucky’s Bar brought back many late night memories for Ashley. There were many drunken nights spent at the low-key bar where Ashley, Austin, and Vanessa had never been recognized. It was at this bar where Ashley met Isabela and her tough as nails cousin, Victoria, who was cold the entire night and would only make rounds to their table to make sure Isabela was drinking enough water to go along with the tequila. It had taken almost a month for Victoria to warm up to the former Disney kids. Ashley was sure any kindness on Victoria’s part was thrown out the window after the Incident.

Ashley would have found Victoria’s over protectiveness creepy if she didn’t understand why. Isabela was sweetly naive, always seeing the best in the world and people around her. An innocence that had probably broken her heart more than once. It hadn’t taken long for Ashley to feel the same way towards Isabela, like she was a younger sister.

“She practically runs this place. Derek’s one year away from retiring and he’s already promised to leave it to her.” Isabela’s face beams with pride. As they approach the table she turns to face Ashley briefly and catches the uncertainty in her eyes, the awkward hunch to her shoulders, that only comes when someone feels unwelcome. Isabela reaches to hold Ashley’s fingers in hers. “She’s gonna be on her best behavior, okay? I told her you were coming and anyways, everything that happened that day had nothing to do with you.”

Doesn’t it, Ashley wants to ask. Guilt gnaws at her, knowing she was meeting up with Isabela for selfish reasons. To do her best friend’s dirty work, get him into contact with someone who probably, most likely–definitely–wants nothing to do with him.

“We talking about how Victoria breastfeeds you?” There’s a busty redhead seated at the table. She’s loud in her proclamation and beautiful in a sheer silver dress. She’s gorgeous, her hair swept back in an updo and her legs crossed, the hem of her dress rising dangerously high. Already there’s more than a few curious eyes glancing towards their table. She smiles at Ashley but it drops when she catches sight of Isabela’s empty hands. She guffaws, offended, “Where are the shots? You get up and come back with no shots?”

Isabela tumbles into the seat beside her, laughing good-naturedly at her friend’s offense. It was obvious the girls had started drinking before her arrival but Ashley didn’t mind; she was planning on an easy night. Hangovers tend to be a multi-day affair once you hit thirty. “Luis said he’ll bring ‘em out to us,” Isabela tells her friend before presenting her to Ashley. “This is the worst influence in my life and the devil on my shoulder — Ash, meet Sky. She was my college roommate and yes, Victoria hates her. Doesn’t give you any right to talk shit about her though,” Isabela pinches Sky’s underarm for good measure.

“I wasn’t talking shit about her, I was making fun of you. The pretty princess stuck in the tower–you’re twenty-six.” It must be a sermon Isabela has heard before because all she offers in response to Sky’s mocking tone is an exaggerated eye roll and a shake of her head.

“Don’t worry, Victoria hates me too,” Ashley tells Sky. “She’s just always gonna look out for Isabela. No judgments here.”

Sky puts a hand on Ashley’s arm,eyes twinkling. “Oh my God. We should totally start a club.”

“I think you two booze hounds have had enough,” a blond waiter approaches their table, balancing a tray of shots. He looks toward Ashley, clarifying, “I mean those two. Especially this one,” he shoves an elbow into Sky’s side, the woman yelping and returning the hit.

Isabela leans over to touch his shoulder, imploring.. “Luis, you’re just in time. Their conversation was sobering me up.” She pouts, her lower lip jutting out.

“You just don’t like hearing the truth–”

“Not you too!”

“Ladies,” Ashley holds up her shot glass and a wedge of lemon, a strategic distraction, putting an end to the conversation. The constant back-and-forth chatter is definitely enough incentive for her to break her own self-imposed sobriety. “Are we taking this shot or what?”

“I like you,” Sky states, preparing her lemon with salt.

“Wait! We have to cheers to something,” Isabela insists when both Ashley and Sky go to throw the tequila back. She purses her lips to the side in thought, “What’s something all three of us can cheer to?”

“How about this,” Ashley begins, leaning forward on her elbows, “Sky’s here for you and so am I. So how about a cheers to Isabela for bringing us together tonight?” Isabela flushes, her lashes fanning against her cheeks as she avoids eye contact, flattered and flustered all at once. Ashley momentarily feels like she’s kissing ass, knowing she’s still wrestling with guilt over her ulterior motives, but she isn’t lying about her affection for her friend.

Sky extends her shot glass forward. “To Isabela.”

The night is a whirlwind after that. Ashley remembers a Pitbull song coming on that had Sky pulling both she and Isabela to the middle of the dance floor, smack between other dancers. There was another shot–or four–taken and by the time the girls are dancing to the fifth song of the night, now joined by a group of girls they had befriended at the bar. Ashley has to momentarily return to the table, ridding herself of her jacket.. It isn’t lost on her that the reason for her random request of a girls’ night out hasn’t been brought up once, but she doesn’t have it in her to ruin what has been an amazing night so far.

She could always try again. Preferably when it wasn’t her first time reuniting with an old friend in months.

As Ashley saunters back over to their spot on the dance floor, she catches sight of Sky’s silver dress towards the bar with Luis, no doubt asking for another round of shots. Ashley hopes–and doubts–that Sky forgot to order her one, the beginning of a headache pounding behind her eyes. Isabela’s still where she left her but a man has since joined her. He’s handsome, Ashley must admit, and standing almost a foot over Isabela who’s lacing her fingers together in front of her repeatedly. She has a smile on her face though,so Ashley doesn’t feel the need to interject as she nears.

“You’re sweet, but I’m here with my friends. Sorry,” Ashley catches Isabela apologize, her lashes fluttering as she blinks rapidly, and her teeth gnawing at her bottom lip. In anyone else Ashley would have taken the actions to be coy or flirty, but in Isabela she sees them for what they are–nervous tics. More words are exchanged and Isabela moves away when the guy places a hand at her hip. Ashley is debating on whether or not she should intercept and tell the guy to get lost, knowing it would be quicker than Isabela’s kind approach, when he throws his hand out beside him in a fist in annoyance before storming away.

Isabela stumbles back, flinching violently at his outburst, and Ashley’s beside her in the next moment, a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“Are you okay?” She asks, scanning over Isabela. She didn’t see the guy touch her, but Isabela’s response worried her, as if he did more than utter cruel words to her. “Did he hurt you?”

“No, no.” Isabela shakes her head and attempts a smile but her eyes are glossy with unshed tears. “He just got mad and it caught me off guard, I guess. I’m fine.”

“Isabela—” you don’t seem fine, is what Ashley’s going to say but she’s cut off by the arrival of Sky–who did conjure up another round of shots–and two blonde girls they had been dancing with earlier.

“I got us more shots, bitches,” she whoops loudly, pumping a single fist. She drops the act once she takes in the heavy atmosphere. “What’s wrong?”

Ashley hesitates. Some guy was rude to Isabela and she almost cried, which was technically true, but her reaction hinted at something deeper–although the man hadn’t seemed to lay a hand on her. What worried Ashley was the possibility of someone else having done so..

“Some guy was a dick and caught me off guard. Ashley’s never seen my freak outs before.” Isabela shrugs, feigning nonchalance and maintaining eye contact with her friend. There seemed to be a million words said between them but their mouths didn’t move once. It was a look shared between best friends with no words necessary.

Sky shakes her head, turning to Ashley with another smile and extending the tray of shots again. “Isabela doesn’t go out much, so every time she does she gets shocked at what big assholes guys actually are.” She said by way of explanation, handing a shot to Isabela. “She’ll survive; it just takes her a couple seconds to shake it off.”

Ashley detects the bullshit lie, but it isn’t a topic she wants to press so publicly. Instead she politely declines the shot, “I need water for the next hour before Ubering home. It’s Jupiter’s birthday party tomorrow and I need to be up early to set up.”

“Oh, no,” Isabela’s brows pinch and she places her shot back in Sky’s hand. “I’m so sorry, I wouldn’t have asked you to come out to a bar if I knew you had to be up early tomorrow.” She interlocks her elbows with Ashley’s, pulling her to Luis’s section of the bar and signaling him for two glasses of water.

“I’m a grown woman, Is. And lack of sleep is nothing new to mothers. Having a newborn is like a hangover that lasts for months.”

Isabela chuckles, sliding her glass of water over. “What a lovely comparison!”

“I love being a mom,” Ashley defends, laughing. “But it’s not as easy as people make it out to be. At least it wasn’t for me. I called my mom crying so many times, sure that I was failing or ruining this perfect little person somehow.”

“You’ve officially talked me out of ever wanting kids.”

“Come on,” Ashley rolls her eyes. “You put everyone before yourself; you’d be the perfect mom.”

Isabela shrugs a shoulder, her elbow leaning on the table. “I don’t know. Maybe. I wanted kids when I was younger, but the past few years have basically been about my career. One thing is for sure though, I’d want it to happen on my terms and at the time I’m ready. No time soon.” The conversation and glasses of water have helped both of them sober up and, for that, Ashley is glad. The room isn’t spinning as much as it was before. Now, Ashley just feels drowsy as the alcohol leaves her system. Isabela must catch her tired expression because she hums, “What time should I be at your house tomorrow to help you set up?”

Ashley shakes her head vehemently. “You’ve got a flight tomorrow, miss. You’re going to need all the sleep you could get.”

“I could sleep on the flight,” Isabela returns smartly, her tone matter-of-fact. Ashley pushes her knee, sending her spinning on the bar stool. Isabela continues. “I feel guilty I had you come out! No way in hell are you setting up alone tomorrow before hosting a kids’ party. I’m helping!”

Luis interrupts their conversation, throwing a rag over his shoulder and refilling both glasses with more water. Ashley smiles. “Two beautiful ladies like you must be starving. My momma always said the way into a girl's heart was through her stomach.”

“I think your mom had it wrong; isn’t it supposed to be a man’s stomach?” Ashley laughs, but she has to wonder because food certainly sounded like heaven then.

“Two burgers to go please and then an Uber.” Isabela shoots him a dazzling, cheesy grin, her cheeks dimpling as she throws a hand over Ashley’s shoulder. “We’ve got an early morning tomorrow.”

—

Waking up early after a night out is harder to do the older she gets. If Isabela hadn’t offered to help Ashley with Jupiter’s birthday party set up and have a flight scheduled for later on that day she would have stayed in bed nursing her hangover for the next forty-eight hours. The breeze is fresh as she waltzes up to Ashley’s front door to ring the doorbell. It’s early spring and as is regular for Los Angeles the sun is bright and scorching but the wind is a welcome reprieve from the heat. Various trees are surrounding Ashley’s front yard but Isabela doesn’t dare take off her glasses. Her eyes were probably swollen and red from lack of sleep and overdrinking the night before. Come to think of it, she still felt slightly drunk.

She had been woken up two hours earlier when Sky had crawled into her bed. Ashley and Isabela had left the bar before anyone else and the late time Sky showed up at her apartment meant that Luis and Victoria must have let her and a few others continue drinking after closing time. Isabela doesn’t understand how Sky did it. Isabela hadn’t drank half as much but knew she would be suffering twice as hard compared to Sky.

“Hi, sunshine.” Isabela can only grumble in response to Ashley’s greeting, letting her usher her inside the house with a laugh. “I told you to sleep in. I’m making Chris do all the heavy work anyway.”

“I’m perfectly able,” Isabela insists, sliding her glasses atop her head. She claps her hands, taking in the balloons and empty candy bags surrounding the living room coffee table. “Put me to work.”

There were fifteen other children in Jupiter’s daycare class and each one had a specific diet request which meant each candy bag must contain different items and not be confused. Ashley handed Isabela a list of the kids name and items their goodie bag must contain and sat her down in front of all the miniature snacks and toys. Jupiter’s party was space themed and the small moons and planets that Ashley had bought to go in the bag made Isabela coo. Why were tiny things so unfairly adorable?

“I want to make sure they are perfect,” Isabela defends with a fond eye roll when she sees Ashley arching an eyebrow as she triple checks a bag. There’s a small smile on Isabela’s lips from Ashley’s teasing but when she puts her mind to a task she always has to make sure it is done right. Not to mention that focusing her full attention on the goodie bags had her paying less attention to how sick she still felt. Even when she was younger she had never handled hangovers well.

“Do you want me to place the trash can beside you? Need a reminder as to where the closest bathrooms are?” Ashley teases her friend, noticing the large inhale and exhale she’s continuously doing and knowing it is in efforts to tame her growing nausea. She had offered Isabela tums and breakfast but Isabela insisted the only thing she would be able to keep down was water.

“I hate you,” Isabela returns, leaning back to let the couch cushions swallow her. “Drinking is not meant for me. I don’t know why I keep letting Sky talk me into nights out.” She closes her eyes for a few moments. Her eyelids feel heavy and she wonders if her eyebags are as horrible as she imagines. Isabela knew she looked a mess when she was tired. She wasn’t lucky enough to be a cute drowsy girl. No. It was all dark eyebags and swollen eyes for her.

“Think of the memories,” Ashley insists. “Memories are all we leave behind anyway.”

Isabela pops one eye open. “That was dark,” she laughs, never having known Ashley to be anything but optimistic. She gets what she is trying to say though. It doesn’t matter how much money someone left you if they were pieces of shit throughout your life, you would have rather had good times with them.

There is a shift in Ashley’s attitude, a tension in the air and Isabela knew it would come up sooner or later. She remembers being back at the bar. Crowded and sweaty and that guy had been an asshole but it was nothing new — it wasn’t until he had turned his hand into a fist and swung it beside him that she had reacted. Isabela had flinched and it made her feel weak but knowing Ashley had caught sight of it caused anxiety to flare up in her chest and overtake every feeling in her body. Hangover and shame be damned. She was sick to her stomach deciding whether she wanted Ashley to know the truth or not.

“Is,” Ashley begins, leaning forward to rest her elbows on her knees. Isabela doesn’t want to seem flippant or uncaring of the worries her friend is bringing up so she sits up and mirrors her position. Showing she’s listening but keeping what she hopes is a blank expression on her face so nothing is given away. “Last night at the bar… when that guy asked you to dance —” Ashley cuts herself off and Isabela has been through this before. Knows that the people in her life care about her and it hurts them to think about and they can hardly bear to ask. “If you don’t want to answer it, that’s fine. We’ll move on and I promise I will never bring it up again but I have to ask at least once. What happened with that guy at the bar?”

Isabela thinks back to her sophomore year in college, freshly twenty and in love with the new usual that had taken up residence at Chucky’s Bar. He’d been a couple of years older and had only recently graduated from university, he was on his way to taking over his family restaurant. He was sweet and funny, his family had been warm and welcoming and within a blink of her eyes her sweet dream had turned into her worst nightmare. His tight grips became punches, his jealousy became delusions, and the hopes of him changing for her were flushed down the drain. She knew the saying, ‘if they did it once they will do it again’, but she had been so young and dumb and blinded. She considers herself one of the lucky ones. The incident had only escalated once and she had managed to get away.

It’s been years and she’s had therapy. Isabela isn’t angry at the world. She doesn’t hate all men. Hasn’t sworn off to ever date again or anything like that but the memories still feel fresh in her mind. Sometimes more than others and they always succeed at making her feel weak because she can’t help her body’s physical reactions. She can admit that the memories paralyze her every single time she has to deny someone something or she is in a position to displease someone, even minimally. It’s what had happened at the bar: Isabela’s palms had begun sweating the second the guy approached her because she knew she was going to turn him down. He had been kind in asking but not so nice once she had declined his offer. It hadn’t been the curses he had called her that made her flinch. The flinch had been in response to the arm he’d thrown out in exasperation and more than anything she’s only embarrassed of her lacking strength.

It’s one thing to have your weakness known and another entirely to have to explain it. It was like baring your soul to every person you came in contact with and Isabela trusts Ashley but she’s not ready for the way Ashley looks at her to change. She doesn’t need another person in her life viewing her as needing to be protected.

“My ex boyfriend wasn’t so nice,” is what Isabela settles on and she hopes that it’s enough for now. She remembers her mothers tears and Victoria’s anger when she woke up in the hospital. Ashley’s eyes soften and tear immediately and Isabela isn’t ready to draw out any other reaction. She reaches over to place a comforting hand on her friend's knee, assuring her she was with her now. “Oh Ash, don’t cry,” there’s a wobbly lip accompanying her chuckle. “It was a long time ago and I’m fine, okay? I’m right here.”

There’s astonishment in Ashley’s eyes, wonder over the strength of the woman sitting in front of her. Talking of her pain and still choosing to comfort others. “I hope Victoria killed him,” is all Ashley can think to say and Isabela lets out a watery laugh with one last pat to her knee before bringing her arm back.

“Let’s move on to these balloons, yeah?”

Three hours are spent blowing up balloons and taping them together as well as convincing Ashley to not change every detail over the chosen theme. Chris had been seconds away from crying when Ashley suggested for the tables to be moved and it was only when Isabela convinced her otherwise that the tension in his shoulders seemed to release. He had made a crazy motion behind his wife’s back and Isabela had to bite back her laugh. She sympathized with the stress on Ashley in ensuring the party was perfect for Jupiter and she was glad if she was able to ease a sliver of that.

After meeting the gorgeous and chatty Jupiter she found herself bummed that she was unable to stay. Jupiter was kind in providing Isabela with a tour of her playroom and allowing her to color in her favorite art book. There were lots of gibberish and babbles that ended with Jupiter looking up at Isabela waiting for a response so all she could do was pretend she understood the little girl with responses of ‘oh yeah’ and ‘wow’.

“I don’t want to let her go,” Isabela complains with a pout, squeezing Jupiter for a goodbye hug that the toddler was more than happy to return. “She’s perfect. I don’t understand how you guys get anything done, I just want to have her in my arms all day.” She takes advantage of having her in her arms and decides to take one last whiff of her baby head before letting go. “Have the best birthday party, little lady. Eat cake until your heart's content.”

“Uh oh, someone has baby fever.” Chris cocks a playful eyebrow in Isabela’s direction.

“No, no, no. I’m more than fine being the cool aunt who gets to spoil them rotten and hand them back during tantrums,” she replies, placing both hands on her knees to rise from her couch on the entryway, Jupiter having disappeared to the backyard. “You two should have another one, though.”

Chris’s wide eyes and immediate head shake have Isabela laughing. Ashley elbows her husband slightly, rolling her eyes at him before responding. “That one runs us ragged. We wanna wait until she’s a little older.”

Isabela can understand that. “My flight is in three hours and I still need to shower —”

“Is that what I smell?”

Ashley rolls her eyes at her husband, “Ignore him. It’s what I do.”

There is a bright smile on Isabela’s face, content to be around friends and their marital teasing. Maybe she missed them more than she thought. She feels guilty for believing Victoria when she said Ashley must have had ulterior motives for an impromptu girls night. Isabela had been nervous and taken more shots than she should have before Ashley’s arrival, convincing herself it had something to do with the mishap from years before. Fortunately Victoria and Isabela were both wrong and she found herself letting tension release in Ashley’s presence.

“Make sure to send me lots and lots of pictures of Jupiter. I want to see her chubby cheeks smothered in cake frosting and her little face when she opens her gift.” The adults peek over in the direction of the distracted toddler. “Thanks for having me over.”

“Are you kidding? Thank you for helping. I would still be stuck in a stress frenzy if you hadn’t been my sound board today,” Ashley replies, pulling her old friend in for a hug. Chris has the door open for Isabela behind them as he lets them say their goodbyes in peace, knowing it may be a while before the girls would be able to see each other again. “Let’s not go that long without contact again, ‘kay?”

Isabela shook her head. “Now that I’ve met your little monster you aren’t getting rid of me.” There’s another round of waves and goodbyes before Isabela exits their home and they close the door behind her. She feels lighter than she had when she arrived that morning, sleep deprived and slightly hungover. The air breeze against her no longer has the morning freshness and the LA heat has managed to set in.

She takes solace in the fact that in a few hours she was going to be in Hawaii. It was a light work trip with her client only having one single interview and photo shoot so she knew she would have downtime to hit the beach and local restaurant. Isabela’s making a mental note to text Jessica, her coworker and client’s social media manager, as well as opening her notes app to see the packing checklist made the day before when she hears footsteps trudging towards her and her name being called.

There's a sinking feeling in her gut. A part of her wants to run away and hide, remembering the embarrassment and shame that was brought upon her that day, but there’s a voice in her head telling her to keep her head held high and act like nothing was off.

“Austin, hey,” she hopes her tone isn’t filled with the dread she feels.

There’s a pause before she allows herself to face him for the first time in seven years. Isabela has seen him on television shows and movies, on the cover of magazines and gracing the front pages of tabloids with his then girlfriend. She would have to be in hiding to not have seen him this past year alone with all the Elvis promo, but seeing him in person manages to take her breath away. He’s handsome and that hasn’t changed. If anything, time and new opportunities have done him well. She remembers a sad boy who had just lost his mother and didn’t know what to do with his life; he was skinny and lanky and hadn’t got a haircut in months.

The man in front of her had life in him. He’s filled out since the last time she saw him and she sees a gleam in his eye that wasn’t there before. Austin must be happy, its the only guess she would make, and no matter what he put her through, happiness and health is all Isabela would have ever wished for him.

“Ash didn’t tell me you’d be here,” he says as he approaches closer to where she stands. Isabela expects the hug, finds herself accepting it, and then she immediately hates herself after. “It’s so good seeing you. I’ve been thinking about you.” Austin has never been one to shy away from his feelings, he’s always been one to wear his heart on his sleeve, but this once she wishes he wasn’t so honest because it somehow hurts more to know she’s crossed his mind and he never reached out. “My assistant, uh, Lydia, remember her? She's pregnant. Told me last week and she was really happy. She’s gonna become a stay at home mom after, I think.”

There’s a brow arch because she’s unsure of how the news pertains to her. Isabela has talked to Lydia frequently through the years and the woman had called her a few days prior to share the news. “Yeah, she told me. Her and Raul are really excited. I mean, good for them, I know they’ll make the best parents.”

Austin looks like he’s gonna continue as he nods his head along in agreement but, “Hang on, you keep in touch with her?” He asks and he looks genuinely confused. It makes two of them because Isabela has no idea what’s going on in this conversation or what she could possibly have to do with Lydia being pregnant and why on earth it would be the first thing Austin wants to share with her after six years of no contact.

Isabela nods slowly. “She’s been a great help to me through the years. Helped me finish my internship and get an interview at this agency I’m at. I tell her she makes me feel like a nepo baby with all the connections she offers.” The fond eye roll shows all the love between the two women and transports Austin back in time to when there was a genuine friendship between them and he remembers to put the conversation back on track, where he wants it to head.

“Well, the job’s yours. If you want it.” There’s a dead silence that takes up the space between them. Quiet enough where he can hear the sound of the leaves rustling on Ashley’s front yard and the faint sound of a car honking from a block over. Austin feels the need to explain, “The past year has been amazing, Is, and I’ve actually got some of my favorite directors asking for me to read for their films. And with Elvis coming out, despite how it makes me sound like a complete dick, things are changing for me and I want people I can trust around me. You know, people who won’t come around for the wrong reasons or with bad intentions. When Lydia told me she’d help me find someone new all I could think about was offering it to you. I’ve got James, Kate, and people I trust around me and I wanna keep that going. I trust you. And I already know you’re damn good at your job.”

The betrayal that has simmered beneath her skin for six years - a betrayal from a friend and former employer, a betrayal that Isabela had forced herself to forgive without apologies being exchanged for her own emotional health - she feels the betrayal awaken in her chest as if it’s the day of again. She didn’t need anyone to plead for forgiveness and she didn’t need to be fought for but she always hoped that if a thought from him was spared for her it was because of more than him needing her for a job. A job he was only offering because he was big and famous and people were out to use him now.

Did Austin wake up and think, “hey, she was humiliated and treated like shit in my backyard and never spilled the beans to any tabloid so I must be able to trust her?”

Isabela reminds herself to take a deep breath. Austin was many things but he was never selfish or inconsiderate of others. His mom and sister would have never allowed it. Isabela had to come to terms with the fact that a moment of great disappointment and disloyalty in her life didn’t create an impact in his life. He hadn’t spent three days crying in bed afterwards or had a hard time getting hired for months after because gossip had made the rounds. Nope. The humiliation, sadness, and shame was left for her.

“I, um,” she knows that anyone else would have a lot to say. She wishes she had the guts to do the same but she doesn’t want to engage in an argument or have him give a meaningless apology. She doesn’t want him to know how much she still cares when he obviously had moved past it. “I’m taking a year off. Gonna take some time to travel and all that, but thank you. For thinking of me and offering.” She hopes her eyes aren’t brimming with tears because they sure are currently burning.

Austin looks disappointed and she wonders why he’d be anything but aware of the fact that she wouldn’t want to work with him again. Do they remember the day differently or something? She doesn’t have the gall to say any of that and she bites her lip to stop herself from easing any discomfort between them so the awkward silence grows between them before Austin moves to break it.

“Let me take your number down, at least,” he says as he reaches into his back pocket to pull his sleek black iPhone out and hand it to her. She takes it, noticing no phone case on and she cringes because her phone wouldn’t survive a day. “In case you come back from vacation early.” There’s a teasing lilt in his tone and she offers a small smile as she inputs her number for him, “Or just so we could catch up. You’ve been missed.”

There’s that eye roll again and it makes his stupidly handsome grin immediately return. For her part, she offers another small smile and wave as she heads down the pathway, “until next time, then,” she replies and when she turns she takes a deep breath to disperse the tightness in her throat. Although it’s unlikely, she wishes the next time is never because she wouldn’t survive another experience.