#YOU KNOW WHAT? BOTH OPTIONS SOUND HILARIOUS

[kaeyachi]

I'm typing out some hella crazy long kaeya lore thing right now (im not even halfway done and i kinda fell asleep on it coz I was tired), but it led me to review older Kaeya lore things, and then i got hit with the "oh, another one for the kaeya thinking/talking about fate thing. wow" in a surprising location (well, not too surprising considering Fate lives rent free in Kaeya's head)

its in the full description of Kaeya's Sailwind Shadow skin.

" Different people live in different ways. A thief will not bear the blade of a knight, and a traditional knight will not sneak out a hidden dagger to hurt someone.

If the characters in the story don't abide by such rules, then the story has betrayed the roles dictated by fate."

That's...interesting. What are you trying to say, Kaeya? Do you actually dare challenge your role in this story?... Isn't he already betraying both of his roles?

But yeah, it's the same old idea about Kaeya's dilemma. He keeps mentioning that he wants to go against fate, but he also feels hopeless because how could he challenge something inevitable? I'm actually more impressed by the fact that he can't stop thinking about it...

...It's as if he is still ACTIVELY thinking about what to do for when fate finally catches up with him...

Well, Mona did say he has a huge decision to make...

I honestly want to do a deepdive on the skin's full description. There are so many keypoints in it that really delighted me when I read them again (not so delightful for Kaeya who was being all melancholic over a kid asking a single question, but very delightful for me- a Kaeyangst and Kaelore enjoyer)

[no1deepspacehater]

⸻⋅☾SYLUS - NSFW ABC's☽⋅⸻

TW: Spoilers, General TW (It's Sylus, c'mon now) and mentions of CNC (he doesn't like it, it's just mentioned)

AN: Since he's come out i've been spending so much time exploring his character and unlocking his myths!! This man has me in a chokehold. I'm so sorry Xavier.

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

He’s gonna have you in his hold for a bit, he’s not a big cuddler, but he wants you to come down nicely. So it’s a bit of him watching you relax and whipering how good you were etc for a bit.

Then, mostly for him, he’s gonna have a bit of wine (he’s such an alcoholic).

He’ll offer you a bath and shower, which he does take even if you don’t want to (remember, aftercare goes both ways, this is his way to relax.)

But don’t worry, if you want some cuddles he’s willingly, after much teasing of how much of a needy kitten you are.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Everything is his favourite part.

But if he has to choose, his arms and hands.

He’s put a lot of hours into training, without his evol he can still strangle the light from someone’s life on his own and punch the daylight out of them too.

For you, he is an ass and tits man. Why does he have to choose? He can and will have both.

Loves to see a curvy dress on you that shows off your physique. His hand is so quick to slide around your waist, proud to have a good looking person like you by his side to show off.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

Thick, clear ropes of the stuff. He almost gets annoyed with how messy it can be.

Not that he’s opposed to covering you with the stuff, no he just prefers to fill you with it.

Loves tasting you, and having you coat his entire hand with your essence.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

During his surveillance of you (stalking), has watched you bathed and shower at least once or twice.

Didn’t make it a habit, even he has lines, but he’s found himself enraptured with just watching you do these simple things.

It weird because he doesn’t watch you masturbate, nor masturbate himself really during the times he watched you shower.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Knows about sex. Fucks.

He’s experienced, you can’t tell me otherwise. He’s had a few workers here and there.

He also knows that just because he has experience with other women, doesn’t mean he knows all about your likings.

But trust, he’ll spend all night learning you.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Reverse and regular cowgirl, surprisingly.

Bet let’s dissect, even though you’re the one on top of him, he’s of course in control.

He has no trouble holding you down on top of him, or moving you up and down on him.

And of course, the sight is beautiful to him, he’s in close reach of everything, and of course, most of the time you have no other option to be face to face with him.

Where he can really see wha’t going on in your mind.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

I wouldn’t say he’s overly serious, but if you call his constant teasing humorous then he’s fucking hilarious.

But yes, he’s more focused on whispering the most outright naaesstttiest filth close into your ear while you come undone before him.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Shaved down to a minimum and neat. He has his own (very high quality) clippers for down there. Takes pride in his look.

Wouldn’t mind if you like to keep things natural, but does like to have things low for you as well.

Hell, he’ll go crazy if you have some type of design on it!

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

He’s more of a dirty romantic.

But he can be sweet, in his own way.

Telling you how much he adores you, your sounds, your body.

Soft touches, handling you delicately at times.

And he keeps you pretty close during the act, lots of skin to skin touching.

His kisses range from feather light to deep kisses, and leaving marks is definitely one of his acts of affection.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

This might be crazy, but hear me out.

I do not see this man masturbating often.

Maybe like ONCE in a literal blue moon, like if he’s deadly bored. (And let’s face it, he’s too much of a busy man to be bored.)

Also, he’s the most powerful man in the N109 zone, and basically has most of Linkon in his hands, I’m sure he will find someone (You) that will satisfy his needs.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Need I say, BLOOD KINK!?!

Yeah, he get’s down like that, and I will die on this hill.

He’d love to see your pathetic attempts at trying to make him flinch as you draw a blade against his skin, it winds him up.

Won’t go too crazy on you, but let’s just say you’re going to need a bandage for that bike mark.

Ropes, whips, cuffs, he’s into that entire scene, anything to make you submit to him.

Vibrators are common place, one of his favourite things to do is to watch you fall apart without even laying a finger on you.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

One of his many secluded castles or cabins. He can get you as loud as he wants there.

Not that he really cares if anyone hears the both of you.

Prefers to be in a comfortable place really, but doesn’t mind if you want to get dirty in a semi-public place (Like a private room, clubs, office).

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Seeing you stand your ground.

Once, you pistol whipped a high ranking gangster during an undercover mission, after he ‘joked’ about a female being in a room. Then you proceeded to berate him and his whole crew coldly and put him in his place.

He was rock hard after that. Wanted to take you then and there.

Also has a thing for you being bratty, replying smartly to his teasing. Makes him want to fuck it out of you.

Seeing you dressed up. He knows you’re not materialistic, and neither is he, but seeing you in a fitting outfit that you bought with his card (that probably cost thousands), drives him crazy.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Consensual-non-consensual, or noncon stuff. Yes, he likes when you’re bratty and put up a fight a little, but not in that way. (He sees the effect of trafficking in the N109 zone, and doesn’t feel comfortable seeing anyone portray that.)

Anything that involves other types of bodily fluids, yes, that type of stuff. He finds it weird.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

LOVES a blowjob with all his cold heart. Would never say no. He can be kind of a head pusher, because he knows it ticks you off, but if you’re not comfortable he can resists, he just likes to hear you choking on him.

Does also like to eat you out, only if you’re cool with him doing it to the point of much overstimulation (he’s going to do that anyway).

P = Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Definitely prefers Slow, sensual, but DEEP!!

You swear, you don’t know how he does it, but he’s gotten to places you can’t even reach with a dildo.

He’ll go wild sometimes and fuck you with sharp, sudden movements, because he’s close but he wants you to come before him (But he won’t tell you that).

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Prefers to have his way with you.

He can get busy at times, so he’s not always available for that. He tends to disappear randomly in the night and show up randomly.

If you beg him enough, rile him up enough secretly, he will not hesitate to push you up against a wall in an alleyway and give you what you’re asking for, just know that he always ties up loose ends, and we will be continuing later.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

He’s very open, apart from the hard no’s.

Likes the heart pounding excitement from taking new, kind of dangerous risks.

Won’t do anything that will put you in serious danger or grievous harms way.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

If it’s night, he’s going to town.

But that’s mostly because he’s taking his time with you.

Short refractory period after the first 2-3 times, then after the 5th time he’s just focused on making you cum.

If it’s the day, let’s say about 2, maybe three rounds max. He’s definitely less energized because he’s normally asleep.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Not really toys, since the handcuffs, muzzles and whips have actually been used for other affairs... But they’re multipurpose, anyway, or so he says.

Does invest in vibrators and the like when he sees how much he can do to you with them.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Do you really have to ask this, for SYLUS?

The man was practically born to tease. You think it’s his new way of trying to kill you, or drive you insane, at least.

If he’s really feeling like a prick, he’s denying your orgasm a couple times, and punishing you hard if you do, by overstimulating you until you’re shaking.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He’s not a moaner, honestly, if he wasn’t talking you through it most of the time it’d be deadly quiet.

He’ll let out a grunt here and there, a breathy sigh that still gets you weak occasionally.

But of course, he’s talking you through it, and his vocabulary is quite expressive.

With his baritone voice, he could be talking about pineapples and it’d still get you going.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

He knows the twins have been trying to eavesdrop sometimes.

Once, you asked if they could watch, and he allowed it.

He can always tell when they're there, and tells you that you spoil them too much.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Big, I don’t care, argue with the wall.

Okay okay, more length than girth if we’re being real, but he’s not skinny either.

At least 9 inches. He’s GIGANTIC, look at him! Def a shower.

VEINY!! Decorated from tip to balls.

His entire shaft turns red from stimulation, the tip being the brightest. It rivals his eyes.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Surprisingly not that high, honestly.

Sure, he likes to tease and rile you up, but it’s not like he’s expecting or wanting sex just because.

Can go pretty long without it honestly, there are other ways of having his fun with you.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Unless it’s in the morning/day, he’s staying awake.

Sex is one of the few energy-inducing activities for him that will keep him awake for hours.

Will probably play with your hair, or just lay by you for a while until taking a short nap himself, maybe sipping a few wines to relax him.

[loumandforyou]

the idea that Armand turning Daniel because they both got wasted is just hilarious to me.

Imagine Daniel's flight gets cancelled or something and he reluctantly spends the night with Armand (and maybe Daniel sort of has weird flashbacks again, who knows 👀). Armand makes him his beloved Martinis (and Rashid never got it right) and Armand drinks blood from a person on drugs/alcohol for the first time in his life probably, because what he has to lose now?

already drunk/high they decide to play a drinking game: they listen to the recordings and every time Lestat is mentioned, they take a shot. (side funny option: Daniel almost died from alcohol poison and Armand saved him). Weirdly, Daniel loves the way Armand seems more relaxed and how he laughs. Then they do a bunch of stupid stuff, like Armand convinces Daniel to invest his 10 million in crypto and that's a wonderful idea of course, Armand scares the crap out of people in an escape room etc etc and at some point Daniel is like "wouldn't be hilarious if you turned me, imagine louis' face" and Armand, high af, is just like "yeees and we also get to spend the eternity together" and he just does it.

and of course, "out of spite" sounds like a better reason than this.

[hunieday]

Momo - La'Stiara Rabbit Chat translation

Please note that I am not a professional translator and I'm only doing this to share the side materials to those who cannot access them, if you notice any mistakes please let me know nicely. Enjoy!

Momo: Heyyy Yuki-san heyyy

Yuki: I’m here

Momo: Oh. here comes Yuki!!!!! 🫣🫣  what are you doing right now?

Yuki: here comes yuki

Yuki: Harvesting pea sprouts

Momo: Now that’s the best lololololol 

Momo: You’re the handsomest for doing that in the middle of the night. Well no, it’s too cute. But also still too handsome

Yuki: Who did you go drinking with today?

Momo: How did you know I was drinking!?!? I went with Gakuuu!!!

Yuki: Gaku-kun, huh. I can also tell you just finished drinking and you’re in a taxi

Momo: Whaaat!? Are you watching me from somewhere!?! Could this dandy driver actually be Yuki in disguise!?!?

Yuki: That's hilarious

Yuki: You always send me a rabbichat out of nowhere like this after drinking, pretty amusing how easy it is to tell because you're always in high spirits.

Momo: I guess my darling can see right through me…🥹

Momo: Whenever I'm drinking, I always think things like “Yuki would like this flavor" or "I'm sure Yuki would laugh a lot if I told him this story" so… 

Momo: When I'm having drinks without you I just really wanna chat with you afterwards...🥹

Yuki: You say such romantic things

Momo: I feel that sense of comfort you get from being back home… 

Yuki: Would you like some peaches? You've always liked them

Momo: That's right, you always remember the things I liked when I was younger...

Yuki: Here, I made plenty of stewed dishes, so take some with you. I also packed some rice crackers and candies. Don't overwork yourself.

Momo: That's how it is right? you always made me take home more food than I can eat by myself...

Momo: But you sound like Old Man Yuki right now lololololol your image of a family house is way too high!? lolol

Yuki: I just watched a TV drama about stuff like that

Yuki: Were you and Gaku-kun shooting for "La’Stiara" at the same time?

Momo: No, we just happened to bump into each other at the studio after the shoot! 

Momo: Gaku didn't have any plans after that, so I invited him for a drink 

Momo: He said “I'm so happy to go drinking with you for the first time in a while, Momo-san!" he looked so happyy~~

Yuki: How cute

Momo: Isn’t hee~~!! 😳 I almost gave him the gem I had on me 😳

Yuki: That's funny. Though Gaku-kun doesn't seem that interested in jewelry

Momo: that’s right lolol but he has a dignified face so I’m looking forward to seeing the gem + Gaku combo picture released to the public 🥺

Momo: By the way Yuki! We were talking about instant tempura soba. Do you add the tempura before or after you pour the hot water!?!?

Yuki: Now that sounds like a drinking party question

Momo: We were talking about buying tempura soba from the convenience store as a late-night snack and it somehow turned into a conversation topic lol

Yuki: Momo, you put it in first then add the hot water, right?

Momo: Yeah!! I ate it that way first because I thought I’d get a bigger portion that way but I grew to love it 🥹 It soaks up all the flavor and it's delicious!!!

Yuki: Yeah, I get it. The juiciness is delicious

Momo: Right!?!? As expected of you, Darling!

Yuki: What about Gaku-kun?

Momo: "I like to taste both the crispy tempura and the smooth texture of soba, so I add it afterward."

Yuki: I get it. Enjoying different textures is important

Momo: Huh!!!! But you just said you understood my way! Are you a post-water tempura person? 🥹

Yuki: I eat them separately.

Momo: lololololol a surprise third option!!!!

Yuki: I thought it might be interesting.

Momo: Yuki, you're always making conversations more lively during drinking parties, you’re so handsome,,,!!!!!!!

Yuki: I know

Momo:

Momo: Can I take you to this place I took Gaku to next time? It's pretty lively though

Yuki: Of course. Was it a good place?

Momo: Actually it was opened by the manager of an izakaya I used to work at back in the day!!!

Momo: Do you remember it? The place with the really delicious rolled omelets!

Yuki: Isn’t that the manager who used to pack you meal boxes to take home?

Momo: Yes, yes!! Isn't that a huge coincidence!!! He even recognized me! 

Momo:  He said he buys our CDs every time

Yuki: I remember him. He used to hand out flyers for our concerts to the customers at the izakaya.

Yuki: He was a really nice guy. Now that I'm looking back, we were really blessed with the people around us.

Momo: I really think so too. And because of that I wanted to chat with you even more, Yuki!

Yuki: Let's take a bunch of our juniors there to repay the favor. I'm sure he'll be happy to see how successful of a senior you've become.

Momo: Yeah...! If I told my past self that I'd become the Absolute Kings with you he'd be super surprised.

Yuki: If I told my past self that I learned to appreciate people and the environment surrounding me right now he'd be surprised too.

Momo: But Yuki, you've always been super, super kind, you know!? you wouldn't have accepted my unreasonable request otherwise

Yuki: Momo

Yuki: Let's talk about this in detail tomorrow. We've been reminiscing about old times a lot lately, but it feels like a waste to only rabbichat about them

Momo: Yuki...

Yuki: And

Yuki: sleepy

Momo: lololol you must be sleepy right!!! Thanks for chatting with me 😆😆

Momo: See you tomorrow, Yuki!!

Yuki:

[sweet-s0rr0w]

day 18 of @hprecfest - a fic that makes you laugh

Little Red Courgette, by @blamebrampton - T, 31k, 2009

Summary: When this season's purple courgettes are woefully thin, Draco Malfoy thinks it amounts to small beans. Next thing he knows, the Department of Standards is over-run with leeks, Brussels sprouts all sorts of legislative difficulties, and somebody appears to have put a roquette under Harry Potter. Can Draco seize a marrow victory? Or will his plans for peas be squashed?

All along, Kingsley Shacklebolt finds himself pining for the good old days, when, instead of governing, all you had to worry about were Dark Lords and imminent death.

Excerpt:

They each made it through a bowl of chocolate with sundry other flavours garnishing it. And three large glasses of wine. This was the only excuse Draco could find for the fact that he found himself asking Potter: 'So what's your game?'

'Quidditch,' Potter replied instantly. 'Or Exploding Snap.'

'Here. What's your game here.'

'I'm not with you.'

A part of Draco's brain screamed at him to stop, but the alcohol-soaked part, in a voice that sounded suspiciously like Smythe's, encouraged him to go on. 'Are you working with Kingsley to enlist me as your pawn in a clean out of the Ministry? You were very quick to agree when I asked you to warn The Quibbler off, was it all a ruse?'

'I thought you were engaged in your own hands-on grass-roots Ministry reform, making the one department work well, with an eye to expanding in the future,' Potter rebutted.

'Well I am, so you needn't try making use of me in your nefarious scheme.'

'I don't have a nefarious scheme.'

'So is it all a complicated plan to take some highly personal and embarrassing revenge for the Potter Stinks badges? Because that was years ago. And although I feel a little badly about it now, they were excellent work for a wizard that age.'

'They were, I was impressed. I still have one at home, you know.'

'Really?'

'Yup. I thought you were a wanker at the time, but I have to say, that was a quality Charm.'

'Thanks. So what's left? You're in the hire of someone keen to assassinate the last of the Malfoys; it's all an elaborate if somewhat clumsy plan at seduction; or you're desperate for someone to talk to now that all your friends are getting married and having children.'

'Those are my options? I'll take two, clumsy seduction.'

'Really?'

Back in 2019 when I rediscovered the joys of fanfic after over a decade out, I started off the way any (less tech-savvy) millennial would, by googling 'Drarry fanfiction'. blamebrampton's works were some of the first that I found, and I was immediately entranced. They're such an incredible variety, from the Muggle World-set Doing the Lambeth Walk, to travel fic Beneath Boundless Skies, to wartime epic (and longtime @tackytigerfic obsession) And Save Me From Bloody Men. No matter what the topic, though, blamebrampton's sense of humour always shines through in her sharp observations and witty dialogue, and in Little Red Courgette she's able to showcase this to the fullest extent. It's a hilarious examination of government bureaucracy from the world-weary point of view of one Draco Malfoy, an employee of the Office for the Volumetric Standardisation of Edible Wizarding Greengrocery Produce. The veg related puns are numerous, and excellent, and both Draco and Harry are incredibly endearing. Big rec, for all her works!

If you read it, and especially if you love it, please do let me know! And as always, please do take the time to leave the author a kudos/comment <3

day 1 - first fic you remember reading

day 2 - a fic rated G

day 3 - a fic not on ao3

day 4 - a comfort fic

day 5 - a romantic fic

day 6 - a fic for a ship you don’t normally read

day 7 - the best of your OTP

day 8 - a fic that was recced to you

day 9 - a WIP

day 10 - a fest/event fic

day 11 - an underrated fic

day 12 - a fic from your favourite author

day 13 - a rare pair

day 14 - a fic rated T

day 15 - a fic over 50k

day 16 - a podfic

day 17 - a fic that makes you cry

[ashwhowrites]

Hello! you can do one with older!eddie where he doesn't know how to use his cell phone much, so he and reader are having sex and he is filming it (with her consent, obviously) and then he will send her the video so she can too has, he ends up sending it to someone else. 🫣

This is actually hilarious. Just a small smutty and fun blurb

Sex Tape

"Pretty girl, look at you taking me so well." Eddie moaned, pointing his phone camera at her cunt. He loved seeing her cunt take him in and clenching around him.

"Daddy, cock is so big. Filling me up." Y/N moaned, Eddie's flashlight shining, giving her the perfect lighting to see Eddie's cock pushing in and out of her.

When Eddie asked to record them having sex, she wasn't against it. She thought it would be hot. Their sex tape was at the touch of her fingertips to watch whenever she wanted.

He moved the camera up, focusing on her tits as they bounced, his free hand moved up to twist her nipples. Her loud moan travels straight through the microphone.

"Such a slut. Letting Daddy record you as you get fucked. Nasty girl, probably would love for everyone to see it, huh? Show everyone just how pathetic you get for me." She felt herself getting close to his words.

Her hands reach to touch his hairy chest and toned stomach. Her nails scratched down his happy trail, moaning as her wetness soaked his pubic hair.

"Look at how fucking soaked you are." He teased, moving the camera down to her cunt. Bringing the camera as close as he could, the wetness loud as he fucked her harder. Her wetness shined from his flashlight, showing how soaked his red cock was.

"Daddy, please make me cum. Please." She begged, grabbing his hand from her chest to move it down to her clit.

"Good girl." He praised, rubbing her clit as he focused the camera. He wanted to record the second she came all over him.

"DADDY!" She screamed, her thighs shaking as she came all over him. Eddie fucked her through it, praising her as he leaned down to kiss her. The camera was a lost thought as he came inside of her. He growled into her mouth, both his hands gripping her hips as he fucked himself empty into her.

After they took a second to catch up on their breathing, Eddie cleaned her up. Small pecks to her face as he settled next to her. He reached over to grab the phone, ending the recording.

"Let me do it, baby. You still aren't the best with technology." Y/N explained she loved dating an older man, but his knowledge of technology was low.

"I can do it!" Eddie argued, scrunching his eyebrows as he looked at all the options when he clicked share.

He groaned as the phone took forever to load, "patience baby, takes a while to send that long of a video." Y/N told him.

"Then what's the point of paying so much for a fucking phone that can't load?" Eddie argued, Y/N laughed and rolled her eyes.

"We've had this argument when you bought it." She teased.

"Well sorry! I mean what was wrong with flip phones? Now I have all this touch screen shit and accidentally hit the wrong shit all the time." Eddie said, pounding at his phone.

"Leave it alone! The more you click the more it'll freeze!"

Eddie ignored her and continued to smack the screen, the little sound of a swoop.

"It sent! Don't touch it." Y/N said, reaching for her phone. But she was confused when she didn't have any modifications.

She grabbed his phone from his hand, ignoring his huff.

"EDWARD! YOU SENT IT TO CARL!" She screamed, sitting up as she frankly typed on the screen.

"MY BOSS?"

Tags!

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @somethingvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @manyfandomsfanvergentreblogs @silky-luxe @lokiofasgard616 @loving-and-dreaming @eddiemunsonsbitch69 @thegemaqua @ashlynnkennedy @strangerthingsstories5255 @harringt8ns @pleasinghellfire @whoscamila @stusdollface93

[tazzertopia]

phantom troupe: do they snore?

this idea for phantom troupe hcs came to me randomly at 2:00am last night so enjoy xoxo

chrollo

-probably not unexpected but not really

-he’s generally a super quiet sleeper

-the loudest he ever is in his sleep is breathing loudly on occasion

-his lack of snoring is most likely attributed by the fact he’s a very light sleeper

-he’s one of those bitches who will wake up because the whistling of the wind was slightly louder than usual

uvogin

-his ass sounds like a heavy metal concert when he sleeps

-his snores are earth-shaking. ear-splitting. pain-inducing.

-his snores single handedly contribute to noise pollution

-think of how loud your dad snores and x1000

-if the troupe members have to share a room at any point during a mission, they will throw a whole rock paper scissors tournament to see who’s taking one for the team and sacrificing their sleep (it’s usually nobunaga)

-because covering his mouth with a sock doesn’t stop the snoring, the troupe have an emergency weighted blanket on standby

-the complete opposite of chrollo, this man could sleep in an active war zone and and not budge an inch (in other words you cannot wake his ass up by force to get him to stop snoring so the only option is to wait it out or sleep somewhere else)

pakunoda

-the most silent sleeper ever

-not even a peep from miss pakunoda

-the ideal person to share a bed with. she doesn’t snore, her breathing is inaudible and she’s extremely still

-almost unnerving in a way bc she looks dead when she sleeps

-if you were to share a bed with her you’d probably spend most of the night checking her pulse to ensure she is actually alive and breathing

phinks

-he’s one of those people who when he snores the buildup is super loud but he exhales quietly (i hope that makes sense)

-ljke the buildup is super dragged out like hhhHhhhhhhUUUHHHUUUH but the exhale is just hoooooooo !!

-idk how to express snoring via text so you may have to act it out to know what i mean

-honestly this type of snoring is arguably worse than uvogin’s bc at least his is consistent whereas phinks will give you hope that he’s finally stopped snoring until it starts up again ☹️☹️😢

-he will forever deny he snores tho

feitan

-comedic ass snore

-probably snores like mimimimimimimimi zzzzzzzzz 😴💤😴💤😴💤

-he sleeps like he should be wearing a night cap and a long night gown with a candle on his bedside table

-trying not to piss yourself laughing while he’s snoring if you’re still awake is an olympic level sport

-one time shalnark recorded him while he was snoring and showed it to him (when he was down with him, he ensured the recording was eradicated from his phone)

-ik realistically he would probably be a silent sleeper but the idea of him sounding like a whole cartoon character is actually hilarious to me

shalnark

-sleep? WHAT’S THAT? 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣 (get it because he’s the tech whiz so he probably stays up all night gaming lololololol XDD)

-probably a loud ass mouth breather

-like he sounds like a broken ventilator sometimes

-he sounds like he ran a lap around mt everest before bed why is he so loud

-if you pissed him off during the day he would probably amp up the volume on his breathing to prevent you from sleeping well (now we’re both mad xx)

shizuku

-for the most part very quiet

-occasionally she will jumpscare you awake by randomly snoring out of no where

-like you’ll wake up to this loud ass noise only to realise it was just shizuku

-sometimes she’ll wake up aswell and accuse you of snoring

-aside from that pretty quiet- not as ideal to share a bed with as pakunoda but fine for the most part as long as you don’t mind surprises

nobunaga

-i feel like he’d have one of those super low growly snores ???????

-like those low, shaky ones

-the ones that kinda sound like grunts

-idk if i’m making sense so i pray i am 🙏

-they’re not that bad tho bc they’re quiet enough to not keep you awake and are low-key kinda relaxing

-if you’re gonna share a bed with anyone who snores, it’s nobunaga

machi

-another generally quiet sleeper except for occasionally sighing in her sleep

-from time to time she’ll just go like huhhhhhhhh :// and then will go back to being quiet again

-don’t bring it up the next day tho bc she WILL deny it and seem embarrassed

-you can tell when she’s having a nice dream based on how often she sighs

franklin

-surprisingly quiet

-you wouldn’t expect his oversized enormous ass to be quiet but he is

-similar to chrollo, the most you’re getting out of him is some occasionally loud breathing

-aside from that he’s a quiet sleeper

bonolenov

-i feel like bc of the holes in his body he’d probably make a whistling sound in his sleep

-like a pan flute

-not the worst tho bc like nobunaga it’s low high key relaxing

-free asmr what could be better xxx

kortopi

-quiet as hell

-are we really surprised

-sorry to the two kortopi fans out there but i can’t be bothered to think of anything to add on he’s just quiet

another tazzertopia classic 💯💯💯💯 if you like these hc posts pls give me requests (idk if the ask box is visible on my profile but do it through here or via the comments) bc these are super fun, i can also do other characters too !!! if i do more i might start doing them for other shows anyways bye xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

[arealphrooblem]

Kidnapped by the Boss Part 8

Synopsis: Val is a secretary to the Prime Minister. But when the political summit between the city states goes awry, she finds herself kidnapped by the very boss she tried to protect and nothing is what it seems.

Part one here

Part seven here

Val could tell now Rook’s knocks from those of the servants. He rapped at the door in exactly three staccato beats — almost as a warning rather than an announcement because he would open the door anyway if she didn’t answer it within a few seconds. Thus, she didn’t bother rising from the edge of the bed where she sat.

The door swung open moments later and he leaned against the door frame, arms crossed.

“My king has had breakfast sent for. You’re invited to join but he stresses that it’s optional,” he announced, sounding almost bored.

She snorted. “Is it now? That’s a first.”

Yesterday she spent the rest of the afternoon and evening in her room. The invitation to explore no longer tempted her. She wanted to hide instead. The irony of this was not lost on her. Rook had delivered her dinner, citing that the king was too busy to actually have a sit down meal.

Whether that was true or the king simply didn’t want to deal with her theatrics, Val would never know. Rook stayed long enough to ensure she ate a healthy portion before leaving. He didn’t bother her with small talk, which she was grateful for.

“If you decline, I’m to have it sent to your rooms and babysit your eating habits,” Rook added unhappily.

She almost wanted to make him do it out of sheer spite.

“I’ll come,” she said instead.

She couldn’t hide forever, as tempting as that could be sometimes. And she was tired of feeling afraid.

Rook raised his eyebrows at her, clearly surprised at her answer.

“After you,” he said with a little bow, gesturing past him.

 “Such a gentleman,” she said as she walked past.

“It’s so I can shoot you in the back if you try anything.”

“Of course it is,” she muttered.

By the time they returned to the king’s study, breakfast was already spread out on the table.  What mess she made on the carpet yesterday had disappeared, as if it had never happened. But judging from the cautious smile on Aris’s face, he hadn’t forgotten either.

“Good morning, Val,” he said, pulling her chair out for her. “Did you sleep well?”

“I did,” she replied with a side eye glance at him. As if she wouldn’t recognize his Politician Voice a mile away.

“I slept like shit,” Rook piped up. “Thanks for asking.”

Val choked on a laugh and covered it up in a bite of toast.

“You always sleep poorly,” said Aris. “It’s because you don’t shut both eyes.”

“The last time I slept with both eyes closed, someone nearly shot my hand off.”

“Well that’s what happens when you don’t shut your mouth before going to sleep,” Val added, taking an innocent sip of coffee.

“You’re fucking hilarious,” he snapped.

She smirked. “Thank you.”

“Is this going to be a pattern?” Aris asked, somewhat exasperated.

Val and Rook shrugged in unison and then shot each other wary looks. It was eerie how different they both were and yet could act in unison without a second thought.

Aris gave them both a speculative look. “I see,” he said, before settling his attention back on her.

For the rest of breakfast, they made painfully awkward small talk. Val refused to engage fully, giving Aris terse answers and not contributing anything in between digs at Rook. If he wasn’t such a bastard, she suspected he sniped at her for the distraction. She could almost muster up some gratitude for him.

“And what are your plans today, Val?” Aris asked.

By then they had eaten most of the spread. Rather than answer, she turned to Rook instead.

“Can I talk to him?” she asked.

He gestured to Aris. “Nothing is stopping you.”

“Alone,” she added.

He went still at that, his gaze sharpening, eyes roaming over her features. It felt like getting scanned with a laser.

“My king?” he asked, looking over her head.

“It’s fine, Rook. Meet us in the hallway, if you would.”

Rook slowly stood from his chair, the languid posture disappearing for something dangerous and predatory.

“Only because her right hook sucks,” he added, the joke at odds with a warning look in his eye. Almost like a professional courtesy.

The door shut with a soft click and just like that Val was alone with Aris for the first time since her kidnapping. The last time it happened, he had just been Eugene, her good-hearted, intelligent, disorganized and vaguely infuriating boss. The last time it happened she was chasing him out of his pajamas as he languished at the breakfast table.

That moment felt like years ago.

“Val,” he prompted softly.

She swallowed against the sudden lump in her throat and held up her wrist, the tracker humming every so faintly against her pulse.

“Is this my life now, Eugene?”

He tilted his head, brow furrowed. “Is that what had you so angry yesterday? It’s only temporary.”

“Yeah, I know. I can earn my way off of it if I act like a good little girl and follow the rules. Because if I don’t you put me in time out until I learn my place to be more obedient.”

Bitterness oozed from her tone like venom. She couldn’t have stopped it even if she wanted to.

She didn’t want to.

All night those words looped around her head. The fucking audacity of him.

To his credit, he winced in response. “I — I didn’t mean it to sound so —“

“Condescending?” she offered. “Disrespectful? Infantalizing?” She narrowed her eyes and leaned over the table.  “I had to pick out your socks for you so they would match. I had to remind you of your own birthday. I organized every fund-raising event you ever had and I made sure you didn’t mix up the donors’ names. You were a fucking mess without me and you think you can talk to me like that? After everything you have put me through in the last several days?”

For a long moment, he didn’t respond. In fact, he didn’t even look at her. She knew prolonged eye contact made him uncomfortable sometimes and so she did not let up her laser focus on him until he could meet her gaze again.

“You’re right,” he said simply. “I have no defense, not really.”

“I’m not going to buy your lip service,” she warned. “I know when you’re bullshitting. You say that now, but I have to wonder if you really think so little of me when I’m not calling you out for it. I thought I had your respect.”

She swallowed hard against the lump in her throat, biting her cheek down to stop an errant tear. She would not cry in front of him.

A flash of pain crossed his face. “You do have my respect. . . . And my terror. I need to know if I can trust you or not and no way to get an honest answer.”

Her mouth fell open. “You are worried about trusting me? Are you fucking kidding me?”

His fingers tugged at a thick lock of hair — a compulsion driven by sudden discomfort or anxiety.

“I may have lied to you about where I came from, what my goals were, my past lives. But you know things about me no one else does,” he admitted softly. “Not even Rook. You have seen me when I had no mask on. You know my quirks, my mannerisms, my fears, my faults. You can read me like a book. I could be glamored to look like someone else and I bet my entire treasury you would still be able to clock it was me in minutes or less.”

Val had to roll her eyes. “You make me sound like I can read your mind. I was just your assistant, Eugene. I’m not that important in the grand scheme of things, especially since you have literally hundreds of servants at your disposal for the kind of stuff I did for you.”

He let out a bark of harsh laughter. “You have no idea. I was a mess without you. I’m disorganized with a horribly unreliable memory. I can’t focus my full attention on something for more than five seconds at a time. I get overwhelmed at tasks with more than two steps and you have to put a gun to my head to start my own laundry. And yes, I have servants that can take care of some of those things, but no assistant has ever compared to what you could do.”

“Now you’re just kissing my ass,” she said, leaning back with her arms crossed.

And gods help her, it was working, if only a little. Eugene had never been ungrateful when she worked for him, but never had he acknowledged her skills to such a degree.

“I’m being honest,” he countered. “I am in the most crucial and potentially vulnerable part of my plans. And you are the one person who could bring about its downfall. You know the most important leaders in every category. You have their personal contact information, for Gods’ sake. You know exactly who to go first to warn of an invasion, you know exactly how to organize against it, and you have enough information about me and how I think to give them everything they needed to stop me. If you were to escape it would ruin everything.”

He dragged a hand over his face, another tick that showed his worries. Maybe he was on to something.

“You’re so dangerous, in fact, Rook had been nagging at me to execute you since you dove into the car,” he continued. “And in all honesty, it’s the smartest choice to make. But I can’t do it. Not to you.”

“So this is your solution?” She shook the tracker at him. “Imprisonment for crimes that I could do instead of anything I have done?”

He pinned her with his gaze. “Would you stay if I took it off? Or would you leave for home at the first opportunity?”

Of course she would run. She would give anything to be far far away from him and this whole mess. Not that she could.

“You’ve made it impossible for me to go home,” she spat.

This time he leaned over the table, eyes narrowed.

“I didn’t force you into that car, Val. You can blame me for a great many things, but not for that. You wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for a choice that you made.”

Val chewed at her lip, unable to argue this and hating it. Her choice was based on her feelings and he wasn’t responsible for either. That was on here alone.

Godsdamnit.

“What would you do if our roles were reversed?” he asked, head tilted. “What other solution is there?”

She snorted. “Have you thought about moving on? It’s been a century. This is the way things are now.”

Aris stood from the table so suddenly it shuddered, the vase of flowers nearly tipping over. She jerked back reflexively as he slammed his hands on the table. Fury sparked in his eyes, more than she had ever seen, running hot enough to make her gaze flinch away.

“They murdered me, Val!” he shouted. “They murdered me and stole my home from me and then they’ve systematically destroyed it for their own gain.”

She had never seen him raise his voice before. His fingers dug into the table cloth, his gaze a brand upon her, as he continued in a softer voice that shook.

“The Coalition is in shambles. You saw it when we worked together. The bribes from lobbyists are what drives laws. Family ties rule the senate and parliaments just as iron clad as a dynasty. The wealth disparity is a chasm while trade stagnates in Three and roads are impassable in Two and we’ve sat through three drinking crises alone in One in my first term alone. You can accept it because you have no conception of what things were like before. But I cannot stand by and accept that this is the way things are now.”

His words finished in a growl, his breaths heavy. Val swallowed, trying to calm her own racing heartbeat. He had never shown any signs of violence in the time she’s known him, but neither did she ever witness a loss of temper like this.

Could she have taken him on in a fight? Maybe. If he didn’t have a gun on him. But not Rook, who waited just outside and undoubtedly heard all of this.

“And you think you can fix all that?” she finally dared to ask.

Because he wasn’t wrong. Which she also hated.

He stood up  and took a few deep, calming breaths, fingers combing his hair back. Putting himself back together as if he had never lost his temper.

“I know that I can,” he said as he sat back down, his voice even again. “Those sorts of problems don’t exist here.”

“That’s because your political infrastructure never really changed,” she pointed out and if he threw another fit, oh fucking well. “You have to change a hundred years of laws and politics to model it after here.”

He nodded. “I am aware. I’m under no delusion that it would be fast or easy. But it can be done. And I will do it. Even if it takes me ten lifetimes.”

“You know, there’s a certain kind of word for someone who starts running a country and then never steps down.”

He rolled his eyes at that.

“I’m going to give you grace for the conclusions you’re drawing out of ignorance and youth. But if you are so concerned about what I’m going to do to our home, then why don’t you help me?”

From prisoner back to assistant? Her suspicions rose like hackles.

“Help you how? Match your socks again?”

“I’m the king. If I were mismatched socks no one would dare comment on it save for Rook. And now you. I’m more interested in your mind. Your organizational skills. Your guidance. Your knowledge and experience.”

“I thought I was young and ignorant.”

She would not be tempted by this, she would not.

“I am going to unite the Coalition back under my rule, Val. It is not a hope but a certainty. You have the choice to watch helplessly from the sidelines or help me create an end result we can all live with.”

“I . . .” A cocktail of complicated feelings twisted and writhed in her gut.

He was right about so many things. But he also knew how to twist the truth with his own ideas. She’d seen him do it countless times, to run circles around lobbyists and constituents and other politicians. It was impossible to know what she could trust.

“I would have to think about it,” she said finally.

He smiled then, a small quirk of his mouth. “You have some time. Now, is there anything else you would like to rightfully scold me for or can I call back in Rook before he has a stroke?”

“I’m done for now.”

“Excellent. And — one more thing, if you wouldn’t mind.”

“What?”

He gave her that crooked smile again. “Call me Aris.”

Let me know in a comment if you want added to the taglist!

Taglist:

@rivalriotrenegade @sunyside-world @fishtale88 @those-damn-snippets @suspiciousmuffin @thats-alittle-gay @girl-of-the-sea-and-stars @tobeornottobeateacher @burningkittypoet @kurai-hono-blog @clover-sage @astr0-mj @littleduckies @adenafolly @ladyathenawisdom @ughhhhhsstuff @urmyhopeeee

[fullofgutsndopamine]

5 times it didn't matter when hasan touched you,

+1 time when it did

TW: alcohol consumption, mention of being drunk, cursing, anxiety mention, idiots in love

one

"when you fall i'm not calling an ambulance."

Hasan speaks from your elbow, his voice is low as his eyes are searching the sky.

"not that you can even afford the ambulance ride," he adds, "careful-jesus fucking christ."

he winces as you toe the curb slowly, one foot in front of the other, arms out on either side of you as if for support.

"hasan," you roll your eyes, "i'm fine. jesus talk about an-"

out of instinct his hand reaches out and laces into your fingers as if that's some sort of support.

to him, you say it's an overkill but to the steady heartbeat in your ears from almost falling off the ledge, you're happy with it.

you try to shake his hand off but if anything his grip around your hand tightens and he rolls his eyes:

"now you're stuck with me," he rolls his eyes, “tough.”

two

liquid confidence makes your teeth chatter. you can feel how hot your cheeks are without a hand pressed against them, but it doesn't stop Hasan from giggling as he reaches out, the flat of his hand against your face:

"you're drunk."

his voice borders on slurring and he's less sober than you are, but it's hilarious as you both all but fall backwards, a loud giggle cutting through the air.

"cmon," he giggles, "let's go outside. Air will do good, or some shit."

he stands and doesn't give you an option to disagree before he's using his own hands to gently lift you up, giggling as you sway in place.

he leads and you follow outside as the air hits your cheeks, the wind blows your hair wild.

naturally, standing in the street with hasan seemed like a good idea when you're a few drinks in. it isn't until the car drives by, no headlights, swerves and beeps at you, a middle finger out the window when you realize the weight of what happened.

"you idiot."

he's never sounded more sober, his eyes wide in horror.

"i thought-"

he shakes his head as your mouth opens, closes again.

"idiot," he says again, but he grabs your hand and squeezes it as he pulls you into him, a messy kiss to the top of your head, "you're a liability, you know that?"

"hasan-"

"shh," he squeezes you a little tighter, "holy shit."

three

on the list of things you'd never be caught doing, business meetings was at the very top.

first, late dinners is an immediate pass. and then to not know anyone besides hasan? triple pass. if hasan wasn't so damn convincing you'd never be here, never be caught dead-

"And what do you think of that?"

It's one of his friends, someone you'd have to really press your hand against your temple to remember a name or even their face, really-

and being put on the spot?

"what do they think of the podcast?" hasans voice finds you, wraps around your brain like a safety blanket, "they don't think about it at all-" his giggling means he's kidding, but it's a dumb question to begin with, and something you hate leaving in the air-

the white tablecloth, far too fancy for the restaurant moves and before you can think too much of it, you feel hasan's larger hand find yours without searching too hard, tangle his fingers into yours. he pauses, his focus still on the people in front of him before you can feel his squeeze your hand four times: i'm here it seems to say you're safe

as if he read your mind, knew what you needed-a deep breath and you're ready to face the friends.

four

"hasan," you huff, voice gruff from sleep, "move the fuck over-"

you and hasan have shared a bed together for years-doesn't feel weird, don't let yourself think too hard about it. the oklymornlem is you forget how bad of a sleep hasan is-constantly tossing and turning, a furnace himself, reaching and pulling you closer against him, already dripping with sweat.

his leg is thrown over yours and he groans, not saying anything.

you grab the pillow from under his head, wrestle it out from under him before you win, smack him in the head with it. he barely moves; shakes his head and huffs but rolls over to face you

even in the dark you can see the freckles that liter his face, his curly hair plastered down on his face from sweat.

you know what he's about to do before he even does it, but you don't let him win, don't go do without a fight.

his hand twitches, then his fingers, and without opening his eyes his hand lifts, his fingers dancing across the half folded sheet until they come in contact with your leg-how they slowly linger down your arm, practically danicng until he gets to your hand, his fingers laced into yours before he turns his head the other way, an obnoxious snore rips through the air-you can't see him but you know he's smiling in his sleep.

five

"dude," he giggles and it bounces around the titled walls of a too small cafe, "how do you even do anything with these? they're so fucking small-"

he's half leaned over the table, shoulders hunched as he lifts his hand up against yours, rests his heel of his hand against yours-

"it's not my fault you're practically some mutant or some shit-" you huff, not making a move to move your hand off of his, don't want to lose the warmth of his hand or the way you feel electric through your fingers when you touch

he laughs; his hand collapses against yours:

"it's a modern day miracle you can get anything done."

a frustrated huff comes out of you, the other hand searches for the discarded straw wrapper before you grab it, throw it at his head. he makes a quick dart to the right, it misses and landed on the ground next to him.

he smiles with all his teeth:

"missed me."

you huff, grab for anything else your fingers will touch before he's giggling again:

"hey!" he giggles, "no second throws! the fuck-" he darts out of his seat and runs to where you sit, ducks behind you. his fingers dig into your shoulders as he stands behind you and you try to not think too hard about it.

+1

"hm," Sam smiles at Hasan as they all sit in a too small kitchen, passing time before a stream,

"What's this?"

he throws his chin between you two and hasan looks down, like he's suddenly aware your hand is in his.

you release your fingers from his, ready for him to retract them, waiting for them to dart away like they do while you sleep, while you're caught in meetings-

instead, he looks down and shrugs:

"don't want them to get too far away, right?" sam rolls his eyes: "what could they possibly get into in this small house?"

hasan shrugs, "fuck if i know, they're a liability though; it's for the best."

Sam rolls his eyes and looks away, yelling at the across the room at someone and he looks at you, and you're waiting for his grip to loosen, or for him to shy away:

instead, he squeezes your hand four times like he always has, a wink at you.

you're aware of him, of his presence, of all the eyes on you. you're waiting for him to come to his sense, to drop you, drop your hand-

instead, he leans in close and you can feel his lips against your ear: "thanks for coming."

you're thinking of something to say that makes it seem like you don't care, like this isn't a big deal-

instead, he moves quick, only a second of hesitation like he really sat on this, really thought about it-

his lips are against your temple before you can overthink it, he moves away, a shy smile on his face as if he's asking if that's okay, if he's okay-

his arm throws over your shoulder, hands still intertwined as he lands a final kiss to your temple.

[jmdbjk]

Camping: one bed.

WARNING: CONTINUED POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT! I may or may not mention "Are You Sure?" scenes in detail and their outcomes during these long rambling messy posts beginning with the next sentence.

I am 100% certain

Snuggle

happened. I need tumblr to make it possible to use different fonts on one line.

But first. Dinner was cooked.

Reminded me of this... sorry to digress.

That darn glare on the camera:

Jungkook immediately washed his hands after touching Jimin's tongue... don't blame him, I really wouldn't want those kinds of cooties from Jimin either. I love you Jimin but I don't want your stomach bug. Sorry.

Whatever the hell this was...

Jimin had a soaking the meat in the sauce scolding from Jungkook years ago. Okay.

Dinner is served.

There was a moment when perhaps an oops was edited out. Did Jimin mention a brand name accidentally?

They got a kick out of whatever he said because then they recalled that time Tae kept saying brand names during their live back in LA.

JK's face was incredulous like "wtf dude shut up"

Some members were called.

There was a comment about making Tae and Namjoon speak to each other... ??? What in the name of spillage of tea and inside jokes was this about?

Jungkook Facetimes Tae.

So is this where Tae finds out Jimin and JK are doing a travel show? And was JK worried Tae would start saying something about not getting to ride motorbikes? HAHAHAHHAAA welp... we don't know what that was all about.

JK hanging up on Tae was priceless.

Tae cusses him out via text and JK tries to de-escalate with "i love you". JK thought it was hilarious. I wonder if it is not often he gets the upper hand in this dynamic? The push and pull has not abated.

Yoongi's deadpan "what?" when Jimin called: tell me you get a lot of frivolous phone calls from Park Jimin without telling me you get a lot of frivolous and pointless calls from Park Jimin.

Some reflecting happens...

Jimin says regardless of how its going so far, he thinks its good he came so Jungkook could travel around and relax as he embarks on his first solo promotions. Jungkook says he is grateful and Jimin says he has regrets and Jungkook brushes it off. Just enjoy it now he says. I think this is the moment they both relax and they are back in their groove. Jungkook really needs quality time with his Jimin. Just enjoy... finally... that's where JK is at this point.

Finally, lights out. There's a camera in there but its too dark... we only hear this:

Jimin: "You seem cold, Jungkook. Come here." (I suspect Jimin may be running a temp at this time)

Jungkook: "I'll sleep without the blanket." (In an attempt to make Jimin comfortable.)

Jimin: "Come here, Jungkook." (insisting)

They were sleeping in very close proximity. It's a miracle if JK did not catch the stomach bug too.

The snoring that is loud enough you can actually hear it even with the music track and sound effects playing:

MMA elbows flew in the night and Jimin got smacked in the nose. It even swoll up a bit. Also, more diarrhea. My man didn't get much sleep. He was miserable.

Crew delivers pepto, JK pours a dose but does Jimin down it? We aren't sure because we don't see it. My man... please help yourself out of this (literal) mess. Though we only see the pepto being delivered I will assume other precautions were taken in that they made him drink plenty of fluids, took his temp, contemplated whether to abort the mission, etc. Knowing Jimin, he declined that last option.

Jungkook: "you came all the way here for nothing but pain."

Jimin: "I came so far ... smacked by your elbow... stomach bug... I can't even eat... and I had a fever, why am I even here? it gets sadder by the moment..."

They were laughing about it. What else could they do? It was a genuine moment.

So Jimin slept while Jungkook made himself some coffee.

Me either, Jungkook. Need coffee.

And spent some time building a rock cairn tower so he could send up some wishes to the universe. That was something else.

It was such a precious thing to watch.

Please no falling in the water, no explosive diarrhea, no broken bones or loss of blood... well... that last one though... little did they know.

In my opinion, even though Jimin was struggling with his illness, the activities were healing and bonding. We'll have to wait for the behinds to see what else happened. I wonder if they will release that this week or wait and drop them after the final episode in September.

Regardless, I am thankful for this window we get to see them together, after two years of knowing Jimin was working so hard and seeing Jungkook light up time after time, wanting to see him, especially the first half of 2023.

They are together right this minute, though they are the most isolated members of the group from whatever is happening. Not knowing how much information they are able to receive about what's going on, I know they will at least have each other to talk to until things get resolved.

On to Episode 2...

[darlingmbappe]

Oh, Baby | Kylian Mbappé x Fem reader

Summary: When the condom breaks, it’s a race to get you a Plan B. In the meantime, Kylian gets to thinking about your future together.

Warnings: Mentions of sex and nudity, broken condom, potential pregnancy scare, taking contraception, cussing, google translated French, English is not my first language. Let me know if I missed anything.

Note: I posted this on my old account before I restarted with this one. I didn’t have any other ones there so I just decided to repost this one here! :)

Kylian lazily kissed your neck, his weight now engulfing you, the synchronization of your panting turning into giggles.

“Tu es incroyable.” You’re incredible, he mumbled, his member softening inside you. You smiled sheepishly just thinking about how roughly he took you just now. He praised and used you so perfectly, and now he pressed loving smooches across your face, smiling against your lips when he felt yours curl up. “Je t'aime.” I love you.

It seemed hilarious now thinking about how hard you tried to talk yourself out of dating this man when you first met him two years ago. Thinking about your life without him seemed so wrong and depressing, it was almost impossible to do.

“I love you, too.” You whispered against his lips.

He grunted lowly as he lifted his body off you a bit to pull out of you, but his face turned from love stricken to panic in half a second. “Merde…”

“What? What happened?”

He rolled off of you and looked down, you followed his gaze as well. Now, your face matched his.

Oh, fuck.

The condom had ripped. It only held onto him by the bottom seam, the rest is a goddamn mess.

“How…” you gulped, “how did that even happen?” Both of you were aware that you weren’t on birth control. You tried it at the beginning of the relationship but it lowered your sex drive so much amongst other tricky side effects, it seemed unnecessary having so many other options for safe sex.

“I don’t know, chérie.” He huffed, taking it off and running to the bathroom. “Fuck…”

You quickly follow, putting on a T-shirt that was on the floor. Kylian had his hands on top of his head and began pacing, clearly stressed about what had just happened.

“Hey,” you put a hand on his chest, feeling the rapid thumping of his heart through his skin, “it’s okay, bébé. I’ll just go get a plan B. It’ll be fine, alright?”

He looks at you and nods, letting out an exasperated huff. “Yeah. Of course. It’ll be fine.” He takes the bait, rubbing your arms, kissing your forehead, but not sounding too convinced.

Neither of you were ready for a kid. His career was in full speed. He had commitments constantly and barley found enough time to spend with you. Juggling all of this seems unhealthy for a young couple, but in this relationship, that worked. You moved to Paris to kickstart your own career, and now, you were finally on the come up. Both of you had a good rhythm going and understood how important your respective jobs were. Add a baby to this mix? The whole system is fucked.

You hopped in the shower as Kylian called his personal assistant to get you the pill and bring it to his home. As soon as he hung up, he opened the shower door, hopping in without even asking. His arms snaked around your waist, holding you close as his head rested against your neck, the hot water battering your back. The stress radiated off of him like steam. It was like you could hear his mind whirling.

“You just raw-dogged me, Mbappé.” You giggled, trying to lighten the mood. He looked up, sneering at your with a grin he couldn’t hold back, shaking his head at your vulgarness. You took his face in your hands, kissing his pouty lips. “Look, the pill is, like, 99% effective, or something. We don’t need a mini Kylian running around. Lord knows that thing would be a kicker, too.”

He smiled sweetly. “That’s what I’m worried about. Knowing my genes, my sperm is the fastest sperm on earth. What if you’re already pregnant?” You laughed at his cocky comment, letting go of his grip and grabbing your loofah, but not before jutting out your stomach and rubbing it like you were with child.

“I think your right.” You joked. He stared at you in admiration, loving that you were making light of the situation. One of you had to think rationally. “I feel a little Ninja Turtle forming already.”

After the shower, you both got dressed comfortably, lying back in bed and turning a movie on. Kylian cuddled at your side — his head on your chest, his hand on your stomach tracing patterns under your shirt periodically.

Eventually before you dozed off, you heard a knock on the door. You shot up, not having a chance to feel bad about shoving Kylian off of you and made your way to the door. His assistant smiled and handed you a brown paper bag. With a quick and genuine ‘thank you’, you make your way to the kitchen to grab a glass of water.

Kylan lingered behind you, leaning against the countertop. “Is that it?” He took the bag from your hand, opening it up and pulling out the individually packaged pill.

“Yep.” You reached over him to grab a glass, then turned to read the back of the package along with him. “Look,” you point to the small print, “Efficace à 97% si pris dans les 72 heures suivant la fin.” You read out loud. 97% effective if taken within 72 hours of conception. “See? We’re gonna be okay.”

Kylian was quiet as he looked at the words written on the flimsey cardboard. You pour yourself some water, filling his glass too, and take the package from his hands, opening it and putting the pill in the palm of your hand. Just as you were about to put the pill in your mouth–

“Wait!” Kylian grabs your wrist, stopping you.

“What?”

“What if… you don’t take it?” He cheekily asks, bringing himself closer to you.

You furrow your brows in confusion. “Then I might get pregnant? That’s kinda the whole point of–”

“No, no. I know. But, what if you don’t take it?” He asks again, now placing both his hands on your hips, hugging you loosely.

“Are you trying to suggest that we have a baby right now, Ky?” You ask gently, but your tone full of surprise. He shrugs, a smile making his way full force across his face. “I don’t get it. You were just freaking out about the broken condom.”

He shrugs again, rubbing your hipbones with his thumbs “I’ve been thinking about it…”

“…for, like, thirty minutes…”

“More like forty five.” You roll your eyes at his correction, but let him continue. “(Y/N). I love you, so, so, so much. I want a life with you. A full life — one that has a little-mini-version of the both of us running around. We could be a family. I mean, we have so much room in this house, we’re financially stable, we’re so in love with each other. It’s perfect. Maybe it’s a sign. We could start the rest of our lives today.” He sensed your apprehensiveness. “If you want to get married first, and all… we can do that. I know it’s probably not how you planned it but, it’s definitely not how I did either. Why don’t we just see if anything happens?”

Your heart melted with his words and the way he was looking at you. “Kylian… I don’t know. It takes a lot more than just a little bit of thinking for a decision this big. I mean… it’s a baby. An entire baby.” You reason, setting down ur glass of water and hugging him back, making sure your words came out gently. “These things cry and barf and scream and shit their pants daily…” He chuckled. “And then they grow up and start sticking their fingers in electrical sockets… and then they grow up even more and get all, you know, angsty, and… not to mention that we’d have to put our careers on hold for a while. And we don’t even live together yet. You really think we’re ready to have a baby together?”

“Then move in with me.” He blurts, ignoring the rest of your reasons. Your eyes widen, opening your mouth and shutting it quickly. “I’m serious, chérie. Come live with me here. You basically do already.”

His eyes were twinkling with love, and you look right back at him with the same expression. “Kylian,” you chuckle excitedly, tightening your grip on his stomach a bit. “You’re not just asking me because you think I’m pregnant right now, right?

“Non, non, of course not, bébé. I’ve been wanting to ask for a while.” He begins swaying both your bodies back and forth slightly, clasping his hands behind your back.

They way you’re looking up at him makes him swoon. “You also kind of just proposed to me.” He laughs at himself, hiding his face in your shoulder. He tends to get carried away, only sometimes. When he decided on spontaneity, he goes all or nothing. “But…” You move so his blushing face looks back at yours, “Okay.”

His eyebrows shoot up. “Okay?”

“Yes, okay.” You smile big, just like him. “Yeah… to the moving in thing.” You specify, reaching up and kissing him. “How about we just start there. We have so much time to figure out the rest.”

He nods, giddy like the day you agreed to be his girlfriend. “We have the rest of our lives.” He kisses you once more before you let go of him, grabbing your water.

His face, while smiling, seemed a little disappointed. You know Kylian would never make this decision for you but you were happy to have this conversation. You’d talked about a future together before, sure. But, this one felt very real, not like some distant thing that eventually you’d get serious about.

“I love you so much, Mbappé. You know that, don’t you?” You stared at his features, your heart skipping at the man in front of you.

He hums sweetly in response, watching you down the pill.

“What happens if we’re the 3%?” He asked, taking your empty glass and setting in the sink for you.

“What do you mean?”

“It said 97%…” He leans in once more, getting close to your face and putting his warm hands on your stomach. “I feel like my sperm has a chance.” You roll your eyes as his hands travel down and back to grab two handfuls of your ass, squeezing suggestively. “We’d make the cutest babies.”

“Mhm,” you nod in agreement, wrapping your arms around his neck. You two would make really adorable babies. “Why don’t we go get more practice making one… or test out the rest of the condoms for any holes… Cant be too safe, now, can we?”

He squeezes your ass again, shuffling you back out of the kitchen and toward the bedroom. “I was just thinking the same thing.”

[kristsingto]

Thinking about the Mock-Trailer for The Ex-Morning

Pathapi is said to be the Best Reporter of the Year in the beginning. How. I want to know his career accomplishments so badly? I need to know how he got here!

I’ve been considering why Pathapi acts the way he does in the beginning. Has he always been like, since his university days? Or was it perhaps heartbreak and the passage of time that’s made him more like this? 

Aou is being made to play the exasperated best friend in Be My Favorite and the rival with coffee thrown on him in The Ex-Morning. Someone give both characters a raise. And a boyfriend!

I looooove the trope of the arrogant, whiny jerkass in a successful position who gets humbled. And that paired with him rebuilding his reputation with his ex-boyfriend of all people? I am so ready to see Pathapi’s character arc, and the things Tamtawan makes him do in this trailer makes me think he’ll get more in-tune with the spirit of good reporting and why it’s so important.

How does Tamtawan know and decide to come back? Obviously, he wants to help Pathapi and is still in love with him, but why did he leave? WHY DID HE LEAVE? Later in the trailer, when present-day Tamtawan leaves, it’s after he’s told “Tam. You have two options now.” What are the two options? The way Tamtawan leaves and the look on his face makes him look regretful, but what exactly is motivating him trying to leave here? Why did he leave in the first place? Does Pathapi know? His face looks half confused rather than just heartbroken!

What has Tamtawan been up to? I am intrigued.

The SOTUS reference in their university days flashback? I am obsessed. They were so sweet in that one frame, it makes me wonder how they fell in love. How different were they? How much of the same remains in them? How did they fall in love? Oh my god!

The transition from Pathapi being awkward with shirtless only-clothed-in-a-towel Tamtawan to taking his own shirt off and asking if Tamtawan has an ulterior motive to fluster him is hilarious to me. I love how forward Pathapi is here! And Tamtawan getting flustered is amazing. Oh my god, I love this trailer. It balances a comedic tone, angst, tension, etc all in one show. Can’t help but adore it.

“You’re still the same selfish jerk.” I need to know what happened! I said this above and I’m saying it again. I am intrigued.

Uni Tamtawan pulling Pathapi by his tie? I am obsessed.

The umbrella scene is both so very P’Lit and so very much a SOTUS reference, it delights me. I wonder how many SOTUS references we’ll have in the show proper.

I wonder if the car accident will coincide with the climax of the show.

That! Last! Scene! I suppose this is a scene when they’re hooking up but not properly together, seeing as they’re flirting, shirtless, and probably just had sex, but still won’t admit they still like each other. This sounds great to me.

I’ve mostly not talked about the meta elements here, because I feel it’s less about the contents of the actual trailer and more about the nature of the series as such a KristSingto RPF-type plot. Anyway, I love it. Everything about the meta of this series is perfect to me, and exactly what I wanted. This show is SO fun to think about when you know about the lore of KristSingto in real life. I’m half expecting Tamtawan to have hazed Pathapi at this point!

Side note that is not a side note: I LOVE THEIR ACTING! I love their characters!

Is this vers? I’m going to say it’s vers or Top Krist until proven wrong, because that last scene? Well. Let’s put the KristSingto into the KristSingto.

I love the small cast and the focus on KristSingto! I just need to say this. I am so excited for this comeback, in-part because it really is just Tamtawan and Pathapi’s story.

Tamtawan is supposed to mean “follow” and “sun” whereas Pathapi means earth/soil/ground. Coming off of KongArt, where Arthit is obviously “sun,” and KristSingto, who compare themselves to the sun and moon, this seems so definitely meaningful. Aof and Lit, I need to know what you’re cooking! 

The coals scene is sooooo perfect, both for the characters AND KristSingto themselves. Again bringing it back to the meta of it all, but, oh my god? This is perfect? Aof wrote a screenplay that was KristSingto RPF? On that note, I keep thinking about the idea of KristSingto channeling their feelings from the irl work-partner “break up” and it makes me go a little crazy. Especially with Krist talking about all his efforts to bring Singto back, and how he over-thought it when Singto left. And even more so seeing as they say they’re basically playing themselves.

The lyrics of the song used in the trailer are so fitting, I am now looping it and thinking about Pathapi and Tamtawan forever and ever.

I noticed that Tamtawan goes by “Tam” but did I miss it for Pathapi in the trailer, or do we get no indication of his nickname? I’m curious.

The “Begin Again” for the new Peraya Party speaks to both KristSingto and their new characters, and this is again making me go, oh god it’s true they’re just playing themselves.

I said my ideal KristSingto BL was a vers exes-to-lovers that parallels reality. Evidently, I was not alone.

Is it just me, or do the Pathapi + animals and Pathapi + soil degradation water scenes feel a lot like certain episodes of Friendship with KristSingto? Just me? Maybe it’s just Krist. I love him so dearly.

So much is revealed in this trailer, but that somehow makes me more intrigued about what is not being revealed to us?

Krist still goes for the top lip and Singto still goes for the bottom lip when they kiss. This kills me every time. I am so excited to see lovey-dovey Tamtawan and Pathapi!

[cruyuu]

hii! that mini-rant of yours abt sukuita was beautiful. i'm just curious about ur thoughts regarding them and what made you like them so much?? (and it's good that you moved off twitter, it's a nasty place)

Hello anon!

I'll start by agreeing with you– that app really is annoying. I was thinking of moving off it because some ppl's interpretations of characters in jjk just started pissing me off but when I got those same ppl screaming in my qrts over and over how I can like this insane, disgusting ship (while they enjoyed twisted shit as well and get a clap on the back for it, I get judged for it like come on) I knew it was time.

As for what made me like them so much– even if they are problematic and kinda ???– well, strap in.

(I'm kinda angry there aren't more analyses of them but... oh well. Only #real fans of jjk know that Sukuna secretly is a fan of Yuuji and that he doesn't want to kill him because he loves really cares about his progress as a sorcerer apparently???)

Anyways, more under the cut.

First off, if someone told me I'll lowkey be obsessed with them, I wouldn't believe them. Honestly, I thought their situation was worrying, kinda weird yet hilarious right up until the Shibuya Incident arc where I saw the true extent of Sukuna's power and thought that hey, Yuuji kept ignoring this monster, this absolute disaster of a man and he was fine? He suffered absolutely no mental or physical repercussions before that? What? This apocalypse that's deep inside him nearly fucking giggled "Don't look up at me like that brat :3" when Yuuji died and went to his domain yet he nearly decapitated Jugo and the two teens merely because they held their heads a bit high.

Hell, Yuuji also threatens him yet he– tongue-in-cheek– brushes that off with "You look like you want to kill me". The anime really points out the weird amusement because you can hear him speak and Sukuna not only sounds amused, a bit done but he also sounds like he's teasing him (and is reveling in it)

He bargains with Yuuji calmly, offers him a vow to resurrect him only if he accepts to let him take control for a minute. You would think he'd ask for more, be greedy, be like "fuck this" and torture Yuuji until he accepts but instead he indulges him.

Yet...

Yuuji clearly got the special treatment. Sukuna could've easily showed off his power, tortured him, made him intently aware that he's not supposed to fuck around... yet it was "I fixed ur arm, where my hug at". Maybe I was overthinking it back then, when I first picked up jjk, but this struck such a deep cord within me that I couldn't function properly for days because I kept thinking of Sukuna– the epitome of evil– giggling like a school girl, allowing Yuuji to be "menacing" and disrespectful, and just dismiss all of that while if it was anyone else in Yuuji's shoes, they'd be mangled, ripped apart, tortured until death and laughed over (on repeat).

I love the 'two souls stuck in one body' idea. Like Yuuji has the epitome of the word evil inside of him while he's literally a sunshine. I could totally see Sukuna trying to break Yuuji from the inside out– torture him, threaten him, kill him over and over again, all just to pass the time, test out how it feels to be alive again– and I was kinda surprised canon never went with that option. Instead Yuuji just ignored him while Sukuna did... well... quite little. I still find it hilarious how it's canon that Sukuna yaps while Yuuji just ignores him. Yuuji's got guts, really.

Now this would be just that. They have an interesting dynamic, problematic as fuck but so very interesting and fascinating to explore both in the fluffy or the grim way but considering where we are currently– It isn't just that. It got both worse and better (regarding both my decent into madness– this ship– and them in canon).

I'll separate what more I want to talk about into sections because it's easier that way.

The Beginning & The End

The story quite literally opens with them. Yuuji being kicked into an unknown world (aka the inciting incident) is the result of him finding Sukuna's finger before Megumi can even find it. If Yuuji never stumbled upon that finger, the fight with the curse at that school wouldn't happen. He'd never get to meet Megumi, nor have to swallow Sukuna's finger. So without them, jjk wouldn't exist.

Chapter 1 is titled "Ryoumen Sukuna" and Yuuji and his Occult Club speculate that a lingering spirit is haunting the premises of the school. Their theory is swiftly debunked (Ticks lol), but they didn't know that their theory proved to be kinda correct.

And yes, the explanation being ticks is awfully fitting. Ticks are parasites– they latch on and slowly bury themselves inside of a human (or animal) and if you spot them too late, you aren't able to take them out and need to visit a hospital because these little annoyances are quite deadly. Sukuna's finger was around that school for an unknown time, since Yuuji found him, attracting curses which preyed on people without anyone even noticing. Plus parasites often need a host to survive– Yuuji being his vessel and having to swallow fingers to completely resurrect him.

What follows right after that is a bit meta and again, foreshadowing the future events:

1. Yuuji and his Occult Club being dismissed for spreading rumors — Yuuji couldn't see curses before he saw death for the first time.

2. Yuuji being a part of Track-And-Field team and not the Occult club — How Yuuji wasn't born as a sorcerer. He's just your average high schooler– someone quite boring.

3. The club president of the Track-And-Field interrupts them to say he rewrote it because he wants to make use of Yuuji's extraordinary abilities for the track team. Yuuji refuses, so the coach challenges him to a game that Yuuji wins with ease. – He's being warned off traveling that road that main characters go through, telling Yuuji to stick to a normal life. He's no sorcerer, after all. But here's the thing— Yuuji, despite not being born a sorcerer, is still special. He has incredible strength and lightning speed so even if he's not as cool as sorcerers, not someone special, he still kind of is. After all, Yuuji will go on to survive hosting The King of Curses, successfully prevent him from taking control and proceed to keep him on a leash.

And also:

He's not afraid as normal people in his shoes would be. Hell, he literally made the fabled King of Curses look like a joke. Do I need to remind you that Megumi couldn't do that despite being a sorcerer? Despite not being a sorcerer, despite not being cut out for this, he still likes it and wants to be a part of it.

Also, regarding it's growing on me– did you know that ticks' body grows as they feed on blood, but they only burrow their heads into the host and grow on them by laying eggs within?

He survived hosting Sukuna, promptly told him to fuck off from his body and got enlisted into Jujutsu High despite not being a sorcerer. Plus he got a gift– being able to use cursed energy due to Sukuna. Again, he is specialz. (And yes! Specialz by King Gnu is literally a sukuita anthem! The song is a twisted version of a ballad– a love letter from a beast that enjoys seeing the agony on his lovers' face rather than a smile. Who enjoys making him lose his mind and nudges him to accept the catastrophe. To embrace the ugly and lose the good. Like: You are my special; we are special; get lost in me; i love you baby?? It literally played over Yuuji's mental breakdown– and Sukuna told him to admire the mess he made– like what more proof do you need??!?!)

If Yuuji never swallowed Sukuna's finger, he never would've had cursed energy. He never would've became a jujutsu sorcerer. He never would've unleashed hell upon earth, watched his friends die and that promise he made to his grandfather would be left for helping regular people out in any way and not exterminating curses. He would've been way happier and way less traumatized but then this story wouldn't exist. 😔

But, I digress.

Yuuji's our main character and Sukuna's the final boss of the story. Despite the narrative promptly ignoring and continuously ridiculing Yuuji, stating he's nothing (a cog in the machine), it's all just so he would prove himself. Fight his way up. Embrace change. All writers know it. And besides, even if he's powerless and weak, well that matters little— considering Sukuna would go on to kill the strongest jujutsu sorcerer yet somehow still not deal with a weakling like him. The same weakling who keeps growing and maturing, being molded and shaped and therefore rightfully needs to be put down before he becomes a threat. I mean Uraume did comment to Sukuna in 257 that Yuuji is like an empty husk actively retaining some elements of him, a fact which should make killing him be Sukuna's top priority because it implies Yuuji— even if weak— could grow to become Sukuna's equal and therefore could kill him.

Still, Sukuna doesn't care lol. He doesn't consider him a threat, calls him boring, yet has a nearly two-page inner monologue just because he learned a fucking reversed curse technique. Lol

It goes like:

you're boring. you're literally insignificant that even killing you is a waste of time.

wait he learned reversed cursed technique within a month?

guess it's time to have some fun with him and then kill him

what the fuck is this irritating feeling

Sukuna pouts. He pouts and spaces out while wondering about connections and what people are to him. Like... ok? That's kinda ga Even Yuuji is stunned why he didn't continue fighting him but instead just started making faces like he's sad. Also, worthy of note is that he had the perfect opportunity to slam his fist through him because he was distracted. Sukuna's usually highly aware of his surroundings, very much in the moment when fighting an opponent, yet Yuuji does a new thing and now Sukuna is stopping the fight to contemplate about unnecessary things instead of you know, being normal and continuing the fight? It's so funny to me. (Also the way he's awfully handsty didn't escape my notice.)

Anyways, to go back and bring your attention to what I stated at the beginning: Everything started with them. Rightfully so, everything will end with them. There's something so beautiful about Yuuji being incomparable to Sukuna in terms of power, being mocked and ridiculed by the story, not special at all and not improving much even if he is improving. It would make his final battle with Sukuna so satisfying that I cannot really put it into words and I will be there no matter what!

Can you imagine that? The poetry of it all– the King of Curses defeated by a nobody. It's brilliant, really. Part of their charm, part of what makes them addicting.

Perfect Opposites

Another thing that makes sukuita delicious is the rather blatant contrast between them. They're total opposites in every sense of the word. The story continiously highlights it.

The story tries to belittle Yuuji, make him as insignificant to the overall plot as it can, make us– the audience– convinced and fearful that Yuuji will not bring about any change. It convinced most of the audience to root for characters equipped with the qualities an mc should have (like Gojo, like Yuta, Megumi, name it), to look away from the pawn that is Yuuji.

Most people, after all, don't like weak, not cool characters. Usually, what shonen does is that it will continually boost the MC's power until the protagonist could practically wipe the floor with the antagonist. As is the case in jjk, most ppl expected that Gojo vs Sukuna would leave Sukuna weakened, on the verge of dying, yet that wasn't the case. Instead Gojo got cut in half which had driven the entire fandom to start hating Gege as an author. To start crying about Sukuna being OP, that the story's gone to shit, all because the side character they rooted for didn't end the main antagonist of the series. How come someone as strong as Gojo dies yet someone who's weak– like Yuuji– lives?

You see, I love when shonen inverts tropes. I love that Gege hyped Gojo up, gave him a perfect backstory which already highlights and forshadows why he would lose, why he's not the strongest, etc. I also love the fact that Yuta went on and, instead of facing Sukuna by himself, chose to wear Gojo like a coat. I love how the MC is just standing on the sidelines instead of actively dealing with the threat.

That same MC who wishes to save his friend, who fights for others, who's as selfless as ever. Who's not a strong sorcerer but a strong person. Who keeps on witnessing how the strong ones are plucked like flies and possibly is wondering how the hell anyone's– let alone him– is going to defeat the threat in front of him.

The entire jujutsu society didn't sit down and speculate about Sukuna's weaknesses and strengths. Didn't even sit down to formulate a plan, to fight together, because it's all about proving your worth as the strongest, right? It's all about cool techniques, showing off, etc.

Most people saw it like this– well if Sukuna is strong then just have strong characters fight him. There you go. You have the strongest jujutsu sorcerer against the strongest used-to-be jujutsu sorcerer. If there's anyone on the same level as Sukuna, it has to be someone exactly like him. A monster. A mirror.

Most people don't see the point of Yuuji being the executioner because the narrative convinced them throwing a puny Yuuji against someone like Sukuna will realistically get him killed. For someone who should be dead by all accounts, Yuuji keeps persisting and keeps pissing Sukuna off– the same man who still doesn't kill him because of well... reasons. He's too insignifact to even crush, by Sukuna's standards. Yet he takes pride in torturing him– killing off and taking away people that Yuuji loves– has inner monologues about him, thinks back on him too much for no reason while fighting different people, almost as if he's fascinated, as if he cares, as if he never met someone like him.

If you'd ask the majority of the fandom who'd get to kill Sukuna: Gojo seemed like a plausable option, at first. Yuta too. Hell, Megumi even. After all, they're continiously put in focus, placed as special and branded as 'has potential'. Then Gojo dies, Megumi's taken over and Yuta is possibly on his way to death (Note: jjk is an ongoing story so... yeah. This is written before Chapter 262 for anyone who's reading this in the future.)

These people tend to forget one simple thing– that opposites attract. That you don't fight fire with fire, but with water. You don't come at the King of Curses with techniques using cursed energy– instead you come at him with raw strength alone. You don't battle to prove your place as a sorcerer– you battle to save a friend, to save people from a massacre.

If you battle to prove your ideal– then you best come at your opponent with something they don't know about. They know about being strong. They know about being a monster. They know about everything selfish because they embody it. Show them a different view.

Be selfless.

There's no one more tailored for the role than Itadori Yuuji. No one special. Weak. Insignificant. A total opposite to Sukuna. It is to be expected by most people that if he faces Sukuna in a battle, that he'd be killed off in an instant yet he survived a couple of battles with him nonetheless. He's broken down, haunted by all the people that died in front of him, but is still suicidal enough to face Sukuna all because he wants to save Megumi. He does it out of care. Out of love. He'd willingly trade his life for anyone.

Love isn't a curse. It is, in fact, the opposite. Love (unconditional one) is the most powerful weapon against curses.

And that is Yuuji's biggest strength. That is the key. He's there to prove that isolation makes you weak, that it is the bonds you share with others that make you strong, make you push on, make you live. Not your capabilities as a jujutsu sorcerer, but you as a person. Jjk does a great job at portraying that who you are matters more than what rank you are on those power-scaling polls.

This is why I adore them so much. I admittedly did go off a bit (literally crafted a theory) but it was all to prove a point why I love them. What makes Yuuji so perfect as Sukuna's doom— a perfect opposite— is the fact that he's a living, breathing epitome of something Sukuna never knew about. Friendship. Love. Care. Lowkey it does sound cheesy but it works. It really works too well lol

Yuuji will end Sukuna with the power of love.

Also: Funnily enough, both Sukuna and Yuuji do look extremely alike. Sukuna's OG form is literally Yuuji grown up. You could say, in a way, that Sukuna is just Yuuji who chose the dark path lmfao

They're not beating the twins allegations but neither are they beating the 'each other's half' because their contrasting way of living, of looking at the world, just places them as perfect enemies, perfect soulmates, two sides of the same coin, etc.

They're enemies and I've always been weak for enemies to lovers to I'd still kill you.

Family Matters

I ranted a bit about this here. Although yes, this adds even more shit onto the plate and literally slaps an incest tag onto them, it still gives further depth to their relationship.

Like I said in my rant– Yuuji is an offspring of Sukuna's twin brother who he devoured. From the story perspective, that puts Yuuji on a big pedestal. He could be the perfect revenge for his father who got eaten before he could even live. Let's not forget that Yuuji got sentenced to death by the story when he swallowed Sukuna's finger and survived, which kinda mirrors that (He's just fifteen yet the threat of death was looming over his head daily).

But despite the odds, he still lived– just like Sukuna's twin brother had managed to get reincarnated (to experience life)– even if that brought on a massacre and led to the mess we are in now.

So, Yuuji ending him is the perfect revenge. Pure poetry. Thank you for coming to my ted talk!

Now, I know most people get the ick about this ship now. After all, it is ugly if you view their relationship through a romantic light. It's horrible, but at the end of the day, it is fictional. They're two lines on paper, not something that exists. No, that doesn't brand anyone liking them a literal real life incest enjoyer or dangerous individual nor is there any deeply rooted psychological problem with the people liking them. And I know— So why do you like this? Because I am an adult and can seperate what isn't real and what is. If you can't, then stay away from fiction because applying morals to something that doesn't exist is worrying.

Also in fiction, there are no rules because putting rules in fiction is destroying what makes fiction good in the first place! Hope this helps.

Sukuna and Yuuji being uncle and nephew makes for some good memes, some problematic– familial or romantic– fics and still works for the narrative. I'm not complaining and I genuienly can't hate them. It can't make me unship them. Their dynamic is too interesting for me, I'm afraid. I love them, whether in a romantic, purely familial, platonic, enemies, whatever way.

So yeah, anon. There you go.

Sukuita is very interesting for writers who want to push boundaries when it comes to writing dark, disturbing stuff but it is also a playground for those who want to nick them out of canon and have fun with them. I am one of those people because I really do find both of them interesting– in canon or an au, related or not, similar or opposites, whatever.

Have a great day/night!

[katyawriteswhump]

a deep and dreamless love (steddie love month, day 11)

For @steddielovemonth, day 11. 'Love is saving the last bite for them,' from (@acasualcrossfade) Thank you <3

Rating: M  WC: 1,630 CW: blood drinking and mild horror. Tags: Vampire au, vampire Eddie, angst and whump with fluffy softness!

…

“You sure you can make it home all right?” Robin climbed out of Steve’s car and paused at the driver’s window. “It’s awfully dark already.”

“It’s cloudy, Robin! Cloudy daylight fries vampires as good as any July scorcher. Now get inside. Before you have to run and fall on your face.”

“Low blow, Dingus.” She curled her lip, muffled her overlong woolly scarf tight beneath her chin. “You know you can always crash h—"

“Robin! If you don’t quit yammering, we’ll BOTH end up as vamp juice-boxes.”

“If we’re gonna play that game, Shit-bird, don’t catch sight of your stupid hair in the rear-view mirror and start fiddling. Don’t wanna find your shrivelled body with my mail.”

“Hilarious. Get inside. Please?”

Steve waited to check she was safe indoors before driving off. He felt bad for being extra cranky, because she was right. He was running late. Their boss had made them stay for extra cleaning at the store, and thick clouds brooded low across an already darkening sky. However, crashing with Robin wasn’t an option.

She was safe now.

Eddie needed him more.

He drove fast, burning rubber round the corners. Nobody enforced speeding laws in Hawkins these days, not this close to sundown. He was halfway home, when the engine spluttered. Then clonked. He hit the break, thrashed at the gearbox. The BMW choked pathetically and conked out completely.

“No.” Steve flicked the ignition key. Nothing. “You gotta be kidding.”

He jumped out, opened the hood. Oil, water. Is the battery disconnected? He could hardly see in the dim light, plus he’d little faith in his basic car maintenance skills. 

Especially with his damn stupid hands shaking. 

He slammed down the lid, sprinted the hundred yards back to the nearest phone booth. He fumbled a coin into the slot and dialled.

It rang. Once, twice, three times, four times. Steve pushed sweaty hair from his eyes. “C’mon, Eddie, pick up! I really don’t wanna die, 'cos you’re moshing to Van Halen.”

The rings finally cut off: “Munson Mansion.”

“What took you?” Now Steve spoke, he realised he was practically hyperventilating.  “I’m in serious shit. My car broke down.”

“Dammit, it’s dark already? Shiiiiit! Must’ve overslept. Okay, calm down.” Eddie sounded, if anything, even less calm than Steve. “Where are you?”

“C-corner of Mason and Sherman.”

“Hold tight, Sweetheart. I’m a comin’.”

Steve pulled the collar of his jacket up—redoubling the defences of the scarf he’d worn all day—and started swiftly back toward the car. The shadows of night slinked across the grey front lawns, swallowing up broken picket fences. 

Then swallowing up Steve. 

He considered running up a driveway, hammering on somebody’s door—a better option than hunkering down in the car, though only if someone let him in.

Too late.

A tall figure in a hoodie appeared as if from nowhere, and blocked Steve’s path. The vampire’s toothy grin flashed in the chilly twilight.

“It’s rude to sneak up on people." Steve squared his shoulders, battling to keep his voice low and steady. “You hear me, knucklehead?”

He reached into his jacket, gripping the wooden stake he always carried. Before he could line up any kind of aim, the vamp was on him, knocking the stake from his hand. He grabbed Steve by the front of his shirt, lifting him clean off the ground. Goddamn vampire super-strength! Steve kicked the bloodsucker on his leg. Hard. Son-of-a-bitch didn’t even lose his grip.

“Payback time, Harrington.”

“What the—”

Steve attempted a punch, which fell short. He then registered the face behind the leering fangs. It was a football player, who’d graduated a couple of years before Steve.

“Chad Lloyd? Seriously? You’re not still pissed about—”

“You kissed my girlfriend, douchebag.”

“I was lifeguarding! I had no idea she was fake drowning till she shoved her tongue into my mouth. Gimme a break.”

Chad beamed, cheesier than ever. “Oh, I’m gonna break you, Harrington. Before or after I drink you dry.”

“Look, if you wanna keep a date, you really need to work on your one lin—”

He hurled Steve to the ground. Steve landed with a bruising, stunning thud. Then the vamp was upon him, rolling him over, ripping off his scarf and pulling down his collar. Steve kicked and struggled, though he’d almost no hope of escape.

“Hey, what’s this?” Chad tore away the neat dressing tucked under the side of Steve’s chin. “Guess I shouldn’t be surprised that slutty Steve Harrington is someone’s sloppy seconds.”

No. Not there! Nobody else drinks from there!

He rammed his knee up into the vamp’s happy-sacks. Then shoved the tender side of his wrist—and that throbbing latticework of veins—right in the sucker’s face.

Chad snarled, grabbed Steve’s arm, hoisted the whole of Steve upright with it. His freshly erupted fangs ripped deep into Steve’s wrist, and he chugged greedily.

Steve’s vision spotted. The usual woolly, sicky feeling swelled in his guts, fogged his brain. He slumped, helpless and terrified, against the vampire. Who just kept drinking.

Okay… I screwed up… Screwed up bad... I always tried so damn hard to save myself for you... Miss you already, Babe… Oh, Jesus!

He was unsure if he heard the distant roar of a motorcycle engine. Could’ve been the fading thunder of his own blood. Then the whoosh of a crossbow bolt gashed into his waning consciousness. Once more, the sidewalk flew up to meet him. He’d a vague notion that the vamp fell too, smacking down beside him.

Eddie’s worried face filled his vision. His heart squeezed sluggishly, aching with love, and the world disintegrated to nothingness.

…

“Steve? C’mon. Wake up. Please wake up.”

Steve’s eyes fluttered open. “Huh?”

“You’re back!” Eddie squeezed him tight. “You scared the crap outta me.”

This was nice. He’d never object to waking up in bed with his naked boyfriend, and half-naked himself. Apart from…  Actually, not feeling so awesome.

Unsettling memories trickled back.

“How you doing?” asked Eddie. “That bastard drank waaaaay too—”

“M’fine.”

To be truthful, the whole right side of his body felt like it’d been slammed by a truck. He lifted his bandaged arm to drape around Eddie’s shoulders and struggled to disguise the effort. 

“Nothing the usual routine won’t fix.” He smirked. “You know, water, spinach, lentils. Gourmet steak dinner with red wine.”

Eddie planted a sizzling kiss on Steve’s cool, sticky brow. “Only wish we could afford that for you, Sweetheart.”

“I’ll take sex for dessert. Plus we don’t have to pay for your food.”

Steve’s fingers had barely touched the fresh bandaging on his throat, before Eddie snatched them, kissed them, tucked them away again.  “You’ve lost too much already.”

“But—”

“I can go a night without feeding, Baby.”

“If you skip dinner, you’ll be grouchy and pathetic in the morning.” 

What Steve really wanted was to wrestle Eddie into submission. He’d tease and goad him into unleashing that vampire super-strength, grappling till Steve was the one pinned to the mattress and then...

Annoyingly, Steve was too feeble to even try and sit, so he sneered. “What happens if I’m dumb enough to get jumped again tomorrow? Or Robin, or Dustin, or any of the kids? As much as I hate to admit it, they need a tame vamp looking out for them, way more than they need me these days”

“Answers still ‘no way in Hell.’ Which I’m heading to for sure, but at least the music will be—”

“Don’t change the subject. Look, I nearly got my arm torn off offering that moron my wrist. All to save the best bite for you.”

Eddie stroked Steve’s hair. “Emotional blackmail ain’t gonna work tonight.”

Good job I’ve learned to play dirty.

This time, Steve ripped the dressing from his neck before Eddie could stop him, revealing the twin fang marks Eddie left last night.

And every night.

“What? Why!?! Don’t want…” Eddie flinched away. “I don’t like this, Stevie.” 

Steve snaked his good arm up, threaded his fingers through Eddie’s lush tresses. He tugged Eddie down toward his throat.

As if on cue, a drop of hot blood trickled from the barely healed punctures. A groan shook through Eddie. He clamped onto Steve’s lifeblood, incisors piercing deep.

Steve bit his lip against a keening, desolate cry. Love didn’t only suck—it stung like a bitch, and the tide of Eddie’s hair smothered him. Still, the slip of Eddie’s tongue against his blood-slickened skin always flipped him out, in a not-entirely-bad way. From the corner of his eye, he strained to catch glimpses of Eddie drinking.

Gnnng! Too damn hot.

Soon, little stuttering gasps escaped him, as he teetered on a knife-edge. Damn, if Steve wasn’t already so shattered, so woozy, he’d be so up for sex after this…

…until he wasn’t. It hurt too much.

Eddie ripped himself free, jumped from the bed, and was  gone.

Steve lay there, trembling violently, his blurry vision further misted with tears. Completely at Eddie’s mercy. 

I’m safe. I'm safe.

Soon after he grew too weak to keep his eyes open, he sensed the skitter of featherlight fingertips. Eddie had returned to bandage him up again. Then Eddie gathered him into his arms and roused him with a tender kiss.

“Wasn’t so hard, was it?” mumbled Steve, lips moistened with his own blood.

“Holy shit, Stevie.” Eddie stuck out his tongue, kinda silly. His eyes shone with fear. “I’m a vampire. A goddamn evil, blood-sucking predator. One day, I might not be able to stop.”

“That’s bull.” No evil could overcome a nature as sweet and soft as yours. “I trust you.” I trust our love. Steve nuzzled into his favourite tattooed parts of Eddie’s chest.

I’ll save the last bite for you. Always.

He slipped away, warm and cherished in Eddie’s arms, and into a deep and dreamless sleep.

...

(also part of my steve whump fic series on AO3.)

[whxre-bxby]

The recoms x reader with competitions sounds hilarious

I can totally imagine them having weird ass competitions Lol

Can't wait for that one

Yeah, this has been in my inbox for ages so glad to finally post it

"Pecking Order"

f. Y/N Recom x Recom Quaritch /Lyle /Prager /Mansk /Brown /Lopez /Ja /Walker /Zdinarsk

Masterlist

Summary: Being a recom soldier is difficult. Especially when dealing with the new instincts and needs the body requires. To keep his team sane, Quaritch comes up with a solution in which Y/N is shared with everyone.

Warnings: indication of smut, little bit of fluff, depressing ending, outrageously minimal wordcount (my apologies)

Word Count: 1590

(I'm sorry about how short this is, but I'm really struggling to write at the moment because I have so much going on)

(Once again I am pretending that Warren and Zhang don’t exist, I am sorry to those who like them but I really don’t.)

Being on Pandora is weird. It’s a whole new planet. But what’s even weirder is being on a foreign planet in a foreign body. Another human’s body wouldn’t have been so bad, but no, you’re blue now. You and your squad along with your Colonel have all permanently become Avatars. It takes a lot of time to get used to the changes. It seems like you discover something new about yourselves every day. Luckily it’s been almost two months since you woke up from criyo. 

It seems as though the foreign environment and new feelings have almost strengthened the connection of the team. You all got along when you had to before but now you feel like they are all close friends to you. 

One evening at dinner, Lyle had brought up how most soldiers used to have fuck-buddies to get through life on Pandora. Most of the team did back then too. Now, it seemed as though no one had even thought about it. You and the others didn’t exactly know how everything worked so the subject was ignored and brushed off. But it was definitely not forgotten.

It had quite literally been years since any one of you had experienced any form of sexual pleasure. That was suppressed in the beginning but the Avatar’s body language was more visible than a human's and it was more difficult to control and suppress emotions. 

At one point in time, all recoms including you were constantly tense and distracted. No one was able to fully focus during training anymore and Quaritch noticed this. He himself had the same problem and he knew he couldn’t send his squad out into the forest like this. You would die on the first day out. The Colonel would rather solve the problem in any way possible than explain what is happening to the General. The recoms are meant to be reliable and professional. What is happening to all of you is getting in the way of both those things. 

The Colonel forced everyone to attend his ‘emergency meeting’ even though you all had the rest of the day off. The atmosphere was thick and you found it hard to breathe even though the room was ventilated. 

Quaritch had made you all sit down to listen to him but your attention was barely on his words. Instead, you were subconsciously studying Mansk. He was calmly fiddling with his fingers but you noticed how strained his arms were and how far back he had his ears pinned. Nobody was relaxed. 

You also realised earlier today that you basically lost control of your tail. It’s just doing its own thing at this point and there is nothing you can do about it. 

The Colonel started explaining his recent observations of our behaviour and you immediately thought you were all being scolded. But you were wrong. 

“The only option I see te’ help us with our probem,” Quaritch says, inhaling deeply as if he were not sure how we would react. “Is to fuck it out.” 

Lyle snorts, thinking his superior is joking but Quaritch is dead serious. 

“Suggest otherwise, Corporal Wainfleet.” The Colonel says, sternly glaring at Lyle. I stare at both of them with wide eyes. No way is he suggesting this. 

There was some kind of argumentative discussion between the two but you have tuned out, blankly staring past Quaritch and at the wall behind him. This room had no windows, so no one could see or come in here because it was a recom only area. 

“Y/N.” Quaritch’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts. You glance up at him while Mansk shifts his gaze to you. 

“You’re with me.” he orders, watching your surprised yet innocent face process the information. 

“No fuckin’ way.” Mansk interrupts. You stare at him now, completely surprised by his words. Mansk never objects or argues with people. He’s the best soldier when it comes to following orders. This is out of character for him. 

Quaritch doesn’t seem pleased by his words but once again to your surprise, he doesn’t put Mansk in his place. Since this isn’t a professional environment anymore, it seems as though the ranks between the soldiers don’t play such a big role. 

A few other recoms back Mansk up, not liking that the Colonel wants you to himself which still baffles you. 

But it turns out, they all seemed to have taken a liking to you. Most soldiers were ignorant and self-centred. You weren’t. You seemed almost naturally submissive to the others, especially as an Avatar. Something about you, perhaps your scent of strong pheromones, drew them to you.

So that evening, while you were being eyed hungrily by every single one of your teammates, they made a fair plan. In their free time, they would hold weekly competitions to figure out the order of who gets the most time with you. You were included and nothing was forced on you.

Since life in the RDA was really dull and colourless, these planned activities and competitions amused everyone. 

To keep it fair, it wouldn’t always be the same task to win, it would be changed so that everyone gets a chance. Otherwise, it would always be the same people with you. 

The first and most obvious challenge was a physical strength competition. This one lasted a long time and it went all the way from who could hold themselves in a plank position the longest to wrestling in the gym. In the third week, things took a drastic turn when Lyle decided to time himself to see how fast he could make you cum. Any technique was allowed and on the same day, everyone had their turn which had you not only fucked out but completely dumb and tired for the rest of the day. 

Z-Dog won that one and right behind her was Walker. Lopez was next and all three of them took great pride in it. It seems as though oral sex was the way to go.

Quaritch was always near the top and most often the first on the leaderboard in the physical challenges. Which meant you spent a lot of time in his room, which you honestly didn’t mind. While he was a brutal and cold-hearted man on the outside, he took care of you behind closed doors. Miles picked you up and walked you to his room when it suited the two of you. There, he took his time with you. Nothing was ever rushed because he wanted you to enjoy it as much as he did. 

Let’s just say, you always slept well after having sex with him and he took care of you in his bed, letting you sleep in it. You always left his room feeling satisfied in the morning. Lyle, Mansk and Prager were also usually quite at the top so when you and Quaritch would finish, they would get a day of the week each to spend with you. Sometimes, you had a few of them at once. 

Normally, you would feel bad about yourself for sleeping around so much but they made you feel like you are all that matters to them, so you rarely worried about that. You didn’t feel used, you felt loved. Something you had been deprived of since you left Earth years ago. 

Once everyone had a turn and the feral instincts calmed down, the competitions continued but they became more funny than serious. At this point, you were all just doing it for shits and giggles because there really wasn’t anything else to do. Except for finding Sully but that mission wasn’t ready yet. 

So the subjects of the competitions started to change along with everyone’s behaviour. The lust has been brought under control so you weren’t as tired anymore and only occasionally had sex with the recoms that needed it. 

A cooking competition was held which turned into a completely messy disaster. Mansk won it by far but at what cost? The oven had exploded because Ja refused to take the food out, claiming it wasn’t done yet. Lopez put metal in the microwave which really damaged the machine and you can’t quite remember how it happened but Z-Dog and Walker had accidentally set a curtain on fire. Instead of trying to put out the flames, they got angry because “What’s a fuckin’ curtain doin’ in the kitchen anyway?!”.

Another one was who could breathe oxygen for the longest because we were now adapted to Pandora’s air. Prager won. He said he used to dive regularly back on Earth so he was able to hold his breath for a long time. 

Brown and Walker almost lost consciousness. 

It kept going on and on like this because it was all the fun you had. Even when the mission started, the challenges were who could tame their Ikran the fastest, who could guess the Na’vi words correctly and who could properly land a fall from the Ikran. You started taking part in the competitions just for your own fun. It really had brought everyone together but eventually, all good things must come to an end. 

When you started encountering Sully, you began losing soldiers and once some teammates were gone, no one was feeling good enough to even suggest anything fun. From that point of, you all just wanted to finish your mission and end this.

Enjoy the bunnies instead of the abrupt ending :)

Tag List: @drinking-tea-and-be-obsessed @jatwow @numarusworld @number1gal @ikranwings

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

About the whole "Fyodor-switch personality" thing: We don't have enough information to confirm whether it was real or fake right now, and besides, both possibilities are really interesting.

If the switch was real and Fyodor was lying to cover it up (...because 'you know characters can lie, right' could mean... this part of it was the lie too...), that could easily be made a reference to Dostoevsky's The Double, as I was kindly made aware of. We've also already had an image of a young woman who looks like Aya from potentially a long time ago, given the outfit and that it is Bram's memory we're presumably seeing there, which may tie in interestingly with "what year is it?" The knife he pulled out also is genuinely a unique design for the series, and looks like it might be an old make. If this original is very old, then something in the takeover of personalities may explain why he hasn't seemed to age. Fyodor being a separate personality created from his ability and kicking out the original could tie in with his ability not attacking him in Dead Apple. This also raises more questions about Fyodor's motives, and I think opens the path for some pretty fascinating theory making. It also places Fyodor as something both human and not... intriguing for the ongoing theme of humanity in the series.

If the switch was a fake and Fyodor was being a completely hilarious little shit (which, we know the Joker is part of his inspiration and he is often contrasted with Dazai, Nikolai, and Mori, for whom this kind of behaviour would be expected - it's characterization, that's not 'done for no reason'), it would quite possibly be the funniest thing he's done in the series so far. But! More importantly, it strengthens Fyodor's connection with the Book (or rather, with altering the narrative). He's told a lie that sounds completely ridiculous but makes sense given the world and situation he's in - and notably, could fool Sigma... and the readers. Fyodor also managed to change the lightness of his eyes without changing the state of his soul - something that no other character seems to be able to do. (I know Dazai can feign the shocked expression, but that's not the clear lightness we saw in Fyodor's eyes in this panel. Nikolai's eyes change lightness but that actually seems to be genuine.) While this doesn't help us discern anything more about Fyodor's motives, it does emphasize his expertise at information manipulation - we cannot trust a single thing this character says, not just in universe, but out of it too. We, the readers, cannot listen to Fyodor and take anything he says as supporting evidence for theories. If this is true - that's fascinating. The other characters will have to solve the mystery of this man completely indirectly, and so will we.

Of course, there is the secret third option: it was a lie mostly, but there is an element of truth to it somewhere, which is actually par for the course for BSD as a whole. It is very rare that a character turns out to be lying completely. The question then becomes "what part is true and how much is it true", which is also very compelling. This, personally, is what I'm ascribing to for now until new info comes up.

Anyways, the last thing I wanted to point out is that if it was genuine, then remember The Double was inspired by Hohol's works, and if it was a lie, then that is very similar to the bait-and-switch performances that Nikolai has done multiple times in the series. Either way, it implies some influence on Fyodor by Nikolai and of course vice versa, which probably means the return of the clown (finally!) and more focus on their dynamic, which is a funny thing to show Nikolai having apparently had influence on Fyodor (even if in more of a meta way) as he is actively trying to kill him right now.

Love wins/loses?