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blue-aconite · 1 year ago

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let me drown || chapter IV - jake's summer part I

Summary: Moving on is all about accepting what has happened to you. Jake reflects on his visit to Virgina while finding out that the future has in store for the Floyd siblings.

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of jealousy

Word Count: 4.6k

Pairings: Bradley Bradshaw x OC (past), Jake Seresin x OC (future)

Authors Note: And we're finally moving on from Bradley's summer. Let's see what the future has in store. Minors DNI. Each chapter will be labelled with warnings individually.

Thank you to my betas @demxters & @imjess-themess! I love and appreciate you ♥️

California, Lemoore Naval Air Station, Spring 2019

Jake waited patiently for his mother to pick up the phone, leaning against the wall. He only had a few minutes to spare and he hoped she was home. As he waited, Jake let his mind drift.

It had been two weeks since he left Virginia after visiting his cousin. He hadn’t heard from Athena since but Jake hadn’t reached out either. There had been something strange about her when he came to visit but Jake hadn’t pushed, not wanting to be on the receiving end of another of her somewhat half-witted stories.

His father has expressed his concern about her the last time they spoke but Jake had been too busy to genuinely spend time thinking about it. Something about her parents. Jake couldn’t truly remember.

Thinking about his cousin brought up another memory to mind. Thea. She had been a breath of fresh air as he spent time in Virginia. He vaguely remembered Bob talking about his sister when they were deployed together but meeting Thea in person was different.

He couldn’t deny that she was beautiful and her smile stirred something in him that he hadn’t felt in a long time. But she had a boyfriend, so Jake had settled for getting to know her as a friend. Despite people’s opinions of him, he wasn’t a complete asshole. Even though Jake felt like she could have done better than Bradshaw, he wasn’t about to get in between the two of them.

Thea was as easy to get along with as her brother and Jake was delighted to find out that she could beat both Bob and him at golf as easily as he flew a jet. They had a great round and spending time with the Floyd siblings was easy. He had known Bob for years and it felt the same with Thea. Their relationship, however, had made Jake miss his own siblings and home.

Just as he was about to hang up, his mother picked up the phone. “Jake, is that you?”

“Ma, hi! Am I interrupting?” Jake asked, finding solace in his mother’s voice. Whenever he missed home, talking to her always made him miss it less. Her voice was warm and soothing.

His mother laughed and he could see her prancing around the kitchen, phone pressed to her ear. “Of course not. I hope you’re calling to tell me that you’ll be coming home in time for Oliver’s birthday. It’s in three weeks, if you haven’t forgotten.”

“No, I haven’t forgotten. But I won’t make it.” He told her sadly. He didn’t want to disappoint his nephew or mother but this time he didn’t have any choice.

“JACOB THOMAS, you’ve known about his party for weeks,” Claudia scolded, making Jake hang his head, even though she couldn’t see him. “You know how excited he is.”

“Ma, I did try, but getting a leave for a birthday party isn’t exactly standard protocol. I’ve sent a gift and an apology that I can’t attend. ” Jake sighed, leaning sideways against the wall. He scrubbed a hand down his face, listening to how disappointed Oliver would be that Uncle Jake wouldn’t show up to his sixth birthday.

He felt bad, he did. But without a leave he wasn’t going anywhere and his family knew that. “Ma, I would be there if I could, you know that.”

Claudia sighed. “I know, baby. I just wish you could be here. He looks up to you.”

Torpedo appeared in the hallway, patting Jake on the shoulder as he walked past. “Hangman, five minutes, and then we have to get ready.”

Jake nodded and straightened up. “Ma, I have to go. I’ll call you when I can. I’ll try to call Oliver and wish him a happy birthday. I love you. Say hi to dad.”

Hanging up the phone, Jake leaned his head against the wall for a moment before straightening up and following Torpedo down the hall. As he entered the rec room, he knew it was going to be a long day. Critter and Blaze were already arguing over something stupid, no doubt.

“Alright,” Torpedo clapped his hands together excitedly. “Hangman, you’re with Maple and Silver for today’s exercise. I’ll be with you two idiots.” He pointed to the arguing duo in the corner, both of them saluting sloppily.

“Captain Porter has the rest of the instructions for you in the hangar. I’ll see you up there.” Torpedo nodded towards the door, Jake following closely.

They walked in silence for a while, the rest of their squad chattering behind them. Critter and Blaze could still be heard arguing and Jake was glad he wasn’t supposed to fly with them. They were a good match but got on each others’ nerves all the time, as well as the rest of the squad.

Jake wished Torpedo good luck as they parted ways, heading to their respective aircraft. He felt a sense of comfort and calm as he prepared his jet, going through the familiar motions.

Jake tapped the nose of the plane for good luck, a ritual he’d kept up since he started flying. Maple saluted him as he climbed into the seat, making sure that all the safety straps were adjusted and he saluted back, winking. He hoped they’d touch down in time for dinner, he was in no mood the spend the entire evening doing the same exercise over and over.

As the familiar rumble of the engines washed over him, Jake felt himself relax as he adjusted the final touches. As the jet took to the skies, Maple and Silver hot on his tail, he finally felt at home.

Jake left the locker room after his shower, hoping for a quiet evening. For once he wasn’t in the mood going out with his squad. Keeping his head down, he navigated the halls on his way to his room. He knew Torpedo wasn’t going to be in for the evening so he looked forward to catching up on some reading and just relaxing.

As he kicked off his shoes and slung himself across the bed, his phone lit up with a text. Groaning, Jake reached for the device to see Coyote’s name.

Did you hear the news?

No?

Floyd is transferring here. Replacing Cork in Eagles.

Shit! What made him leave Oceana?

I was hoping you knew, since you saw him a while back!

No idea, he didn’t say anything.

Jake dragged a hand down his face, falling back against the pillows. Bob hadn’t mentioned a transfer while he was in Virginia. He wondered if there had been any trouble. Pulling up Athena’s contact info, he sent off a quick message.

Hey, you know anything about why Floyd is transferring to Lemoore?

He didn’t have to wait long before his phone buzzed again.

Why the fuck do you care?

No need to be a bitch Athena. I was just asking. He didn’t say anything about it when I was over there

Jake sighed, already regretting reaching out to his cousin. Her behaviour during his visit was suspicious, especially her attitude towards Rooster. She had spent a significant portion of their time together complaining about Thea as well. It didn’t sit right with Jake but he also didn’t want to get involved in whatever beef she seemed to have with her pilot.

Something about his sister? Idk, higher-ups quoted some bullshit about personal reasons. Not my problem honestly

Jake sent a simple thumbs up back before tossing his phone aside.

‘Something about his sister’ could mean that something was wrong with Thea. Jake wanted to reach out to Bob and ask but didn’t feel like it was appropriate either. They were friends but Jake didn’t know if interfering in family matters was the right thing to do. Hopefully, he’d catch Bob on base at some point.

Jake felt the worry creep up and tried his best to force it down again. What had happened? Why would Thea be involved in anything having to do with a relocation for her brother? He hoped everything was alright. He liked both Floyd siblings and hated that either of them would have run into some kind of problem.

Trying to get his mind off the matter, Jake picked up the most recent book he was reading, flipping through the pages until he reached the bookmark. It was a worn picture of him and his siblings, taken the summer before Jake was supposed to start first grade. He smiled, remembering how Paul had ruffled his hair right before the picture was taken, somewhat ruining Jake’s good mood.

His phone pinged with another text but this time from his sister. She told him that she understood that he wouldn’t make it for Oliver’s birthday. The “we miss you” at the end made his heartache. Jake hadn’t seen his sister or parents in person for almost two years and he missed them a lot. He almost pressed the button to call her but Torpedo’s key in the lock interrupted him.

“We missed you tonight.” the man chucked his shoes off, before haphazardly removing his jacket.

Jake snorted. “Sure you did. I’m the life of the party.”

Torpedo slung himself onto the top bunk, not bothering to undress. Jake groaned as the familiar fumes of sweat and alcohol filled his nostrils. “Dude, at least take a shower. You reek.”

“Fuck off, Seresin.” the man jabbed but did as Jake asked anyway.

Jake closed his eyes, putting the book down as he leaned back against the pillow. Maybe if he was lucky, he could fall asleep before Torpedo came back or at least ignore the other pilot.

A short buzz from his phone alerted him to another text. Jake wondered what the hell Coyote could want now. But it was Bob’s name that showed on the screen and Jake was embarrassed to say that he struggled to unlock the phone.

I’m transferring next week. You still with the Vigilantes?

Hey man, yeah, heard it through the grapevine. I am!

Let me guess, Coyote? He’s always been a gossip

You said it, not me. How come you’re coming out west?

Personal reasons. Anyway, I thought I’d give you a heads-up. See you soon!

Appreciate it man! Glad to have another sane person around.

The indication that Bob was typing popped up but disappeared and his friend only reacted with a thumbs up instead.

Jake wanted to pry and ask what the personal reasons were since they concerned Thea. Was she coming with him? And what about Rooster? Was he transferring too? After what Jake had seen at dinner, he didn’t think Bradshaw would like to be away from her. The man’s possessiveness had bothered Jake but it wasn’t his place to say anything, so he kept his mouth shut, hoping that Bob had seen it too and voiced his concerns to Thea.

He didn’t know if Bradshaw had acted the way he did because Jake was there or if it was just how the man behaved but the way he had demonstrated that he and Thea were a couple didn’t sit right with him. He respected it, of course, but Rooster made it look wrong, making it look too possessive.

Jake hadn’t really asked Thea about her relationship during golf, getting to know her instead. She had been kind enough to indulge in his inquiries. He had found himself feeling very drawn to Bob’s sister, who shared the same easygoing and kind nature as her brother. Jake knew that he had developed some sort of attraction to Thea during his short visit to Virginia but she was spoken for and that was it.

Suddenly curious about whether Bradshaw would be showing up as well, Jake sent his cousin a text.

Is Bradshaw transferring as well?

Fucking coward got himself deployed out to sea with a new squadron.

Jake didn’t bother to answer, brows creased as he read the text over and over. So Bradshaw wasn’t coming to Lemoore. Athena’s text told him more than he needed to know, her choice of words regarding Rooster very similar to the ones she’d sprouted during his visit.

Jake realised that he shouldn’t speculate too much and just hoped he’d catch Bob at some point to ask what was really going on. Whatever it was, he just hoped Thea was alright.

“So, did you get any information?” Coyote asked as they sat down in his seat across from Jake. He rubbed his hands together, eyebrows raised, and a hint of excitement in his voice.

They had their weekly dinner, if their schedules allowed it and this time Javy had chosen a quiet but nice Japanese restaurant not far from Lemoore.

Jake studied the menu, rolling his eyes. “Information on what?”

“Floyd? About how he’s coming here! You’re the last one that talked to him.” Javy exclaimed excitedly, almost bouncing in his seat. Jake couldn’t help but snort as he thought back on his and Bob’s conversation last week.

“Bob was right. You are such a gossip!” Jake joked.

Javy made a faux wounded noise, hand over his chest. “I’m hurt. I simply like to be in the know.”

Jake shook his head, putting the menu down and reached for his glass of water. “You’re like an 80-year-old lady who keeps track of everything that happens on her street. Sitting there with binoculars, just waiting for the drama to happen. I don’t know how Phoenix puts up with you.”

Javy pretended to sniffle, putting on his best puppy eyes. “Nat loves me for who I am. Same can’t be said for you, asshat, who is supposed to be my best friend.”

Jake subtly kicked his friend under the table, rolling his eyes at the same time. “Being your best friend is exhausting, I’ll have you know.”

Javy gasped dramatically, shaking his head. Their server interrupted the moment to take their order and then they were left in peace for the time being. Jake thought back to his exchange with Bob earlier that week and pulled out his phone to show Javy.

“That’s all I know.” He concluded, hoping that Javy would be satisfied.

“So both Bob and your cousin said personal reasons. Do you know anything about it?” Coyote asked.

Jake leaned back in his seat, putting the phone screen down on the table. “I just said this is all I know,” he paused, Athena’s words seeping into his mind. “Joanna mentioned his sister as well but I don’t know how much of what she says is true. She talks a lot of shit.”

Javy snorted into his water as their server came back with their food. “She does talk a lot of shit.”

“Either way, I don’t know anything else. I just hope Thea and Bob are okay.” Jake said, pushing the wakame salad around on his plate.

“Thea, huh?” Javy asked with a smirk, expertly picking up a salmon roll with his chopsticks and dunking it in soy sauce. Jake had made the mistake of telling Javy all about his trip to Virginia, including Thea, a few weeks prior. Javy had immediately picked up on the way Jake had talked about Bob’s sister and had not so subtly asked what the deal was.

“So, is she pretty?” Javy wiggled his eyebrows, knocking their knees together.

“If I say no, will you stop asking about it?” Jake grumbled, reaching for his beer on the coffee table. Fleetwood Mac poured from the speakers, people chatting all around them. A beer pong table was set up in the corner and Jake could spy people on the garden through the open glass sliding doors.

Javy shoved a handful of peanuts into his mouth, chewing obnoxiously loudly. “Stop that, it’s disgusting.” Jake shoved at him and Javy shoved back before they leaned into each other, giggling as they watched Torpedo school one of Javy’s squad mates in darts.

Their laughter died out and Jake sighed. “She’s beautiful. But that’s not the point. She’s funny and quick. You should have seen her beat both me and Bob out on the course.”

“Man, you sound like a love-sick school girl.” Javy teased but raised an eyebrow questioning as well.

“I found her interesting, that’s all. But she’s got a boyfriend. And that’s fine.”

Coyote opened two new bottles of beer, handing one to him before answering. “Bradshaw, right?”

Jake hummed. “Yeah.”

“Bummer. Sounds like you really like her.” Javy nudged his side, in a way Jake guessed was supposed to be a comforting gesture but he didn’t know if Javy was trying to comfort him or insult Thea’s choice in boyfriend.

Jake sighed. “I did. I do. But she’s also a really good friend. We had a lot of fun together,” he paused, peeling off the label around the bottle. “You’d like her. She’s a lot like her brother.”

“Man, I love Floyd. He’s the quietest guy I’ve ever met but snarky as hell. And his dog is the cutest, - OH, speaking of dogs, I’m trying to convince Nat that we should get one and I need your help -“ Javy rambled.

“Javy, there’s no way you two can have a dog. Both of you are still on active duty and don’t have a permanent place. Floyd’s got a civilian girlfriend, which probably helps.” Jake interrupted, bumping their shoulders together.

Coyote gave him a side eye before rolling his eyes. “Couldn’t you have pretended at least?”

“What kind of best friend would I be if I didn’t give you a reality check every now and then?” Jake joked.

“We’ve been over this. She’s got a boyfriend, end of story. Yes, she made me feel.. something, but it’s not relevant.” Jake picked up a roll and shoved it in his mouth.

“Did Bob say anything about her?”

Jake shook his head. “‘Nah.”

“What about her? Have you two talked?” Javy inquired, picking apart the sushi on his plate.

“Not really? We texted back and forth after the golf session but she’s been quiet since. She’s probably busy.”

Javy stayed quiet, prompting Jake to stay quiet as well. Maybe he should have reached out to her when he found out Bob was coming to Lemoore. Being around Thea had been easy and he genuinely thought they’d make great friends.

“So, you said Bradshaw acted like a child?” Javy interrupted his musings.

“Huh?”

“Rooster? You said he behaved like a dick while you were visiting?” Javy glanced around as if they were being spied on.

Rolling his eyes at his friend's antics, Jake leaned back in his chair. “Yeah. I didn’t like how he acted with her. I smiled and introduced myself and he put on a whole show making sure I knew she was off limits. Like, I know I’m an asshole but I wouldn’t go after a girl who’s taken. His behaviour just struck me as odd.”

“Well, you’re not his favourite person,” Javy joked. Jake made an agreeing sound and they sat in silence. Javy was shifting back and forth, face drawn in a tight grimace despite his earlier jab.

Jake sighed. “Spit it out.”

“What?” Javy rebuffed, crossing his arms defensively across his chest.

“You obviously have something to say.”

Coyote hesitated a moment before speaking. “Don’t you think you’re looking too much into this? I understand that you’re worried but I’m sure that if something was wrong, Bob would have picked up on it. From what you’ve told me, he and Thea seem pretty close and I don’t think Floyd would let anyone hurt his sister.”

Jake opened his mouth to protest but Javy beat him to it. “I’m not saying I don’t believe you. I do. But I just don’t want you to get too attached to Thea. You said it yourself, she’s got a boyfriend. It’s not your job to worry. Bob would probably put his foot down if Bradshaw is acting up.” He finished, face apologetic.

Jake knew Javy was right. It wasn’t his problem and he was sure Bob would keep an eye on Thea. It just felt off. But he knew he needed to take Javy’s words to heart.

Thea had a boyfriend. He was just a friend. He had no right to say anything about their relationship. All he could settle for was to be a good friend to Thea.

“You’re right.” Jake admitted defeat. It didn’t feel right but it was for the best.

Javy nudged his shin, face still drawn into a tight smile. “Of course I’m right, I’m always right. But for what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I know you like her.”

Jake gave him a tight smile, shrugging slightly. “Like I said, you’re right.”

They made small talk for the rest of the dinner and promised to try and get together the next week.

As Jake walked back to his place, he tried his best to not think about Thea. He thought about what he should send as a present to Oliver for his birthday, if Torpedo would have left his stuff all over the floor as usual.

He tried so hard to think about anything else than Thea. And as his phone lit up with her name, he failed spectacularly.

After a gruelling day consisting of mostly everything going wrong, Jake just wanted to lie down and forget that world existed.

But he opted to head to the gym, headphones on to not be disturbed. There weren't many people there when he arrived and he claimed a spot in the far back for his warm up routine.

He checked his messages once more, hoping that there would be a text but was met with disappointment. Not that his latest message required an answer but he had hoped for the conversation to continue after Thea reached out after dinner.

Her message had been short, a question only and Jake had probably answered a little too quickly.

Are you still stationed out in CA? - Thea

Jake had immediately replied yes and then tentatively let her know that he knew Bob was being transferred. She never replied and Jake wondered if he crossed a line.

In hindsight he was probably overthinking the whole thing and as he stretched, he decided that he was going to try and take Javy’s advice. Whatever was going on, he didn’t need to get involved.

Even he desperately wanted to know. If something had happened to Thea, he wanted to be able to be there for her if she needed it. But it wasn’t his job. So he put his phone on ‘don’t disturb’ for the reminder of his time in the gym.

On his way back, he spoke briefly with Paul about Oliver’s birthday party and its success. His brother made sure he knew that Oliver got Jake’s gift and how excited he was even though Jake couldn’t attend.

“…and then Maria said she met this guy at a study group and wanted to know if she can go on a date? Over my dead body.” Paul whined and Jake could imagine his brother's horror at his eldest daughters dating adventures.

“If I remember correctly, we were all allowed to date at 16.” Jake mused, waving to Torpedo as he passed him by.

Paul snorted. “Yeah and I also remember what being 16 is like. She’ll go on that date when hell freezes over.”

Jake opened his mouth to respond but the sight of Bob Floyd had him backtracking and quickly ending the call.

“Floyd! Didn’t know you were here yet.” Jake greeted as he approached the WSO, extending his hand for a handshake. Bob, as usual, surprised him by pulling him into a brief hug before leaning back.

“Just left the air boss's office actually. Heading out soon, I just wanted to catch you before I left.” Bob explained, shoving his hands in his pockets. He looked on edge, a tenseness in his shoulders that Jake hadn’t seen the last time they were together.

“Not staying on base then?”

Bob shook his head. “I’ll get my bunk tomorrow. I'm staying with Thea tonight.”

At the mention of Bob’s sister, Jake felt his heart accelerate but tried his best to hide it. “Oh, so she’s here? Didn’t think she’d leave.”

Bob shrugged, hands still buried deep in his pockets. “She needed to leave.”

He doesn’t elaborate and Jake’s dying to ask why but he doesn’t want to come across as nosy. So he settles on a safer topic.

“What about that fiancée of yours, where’s she?”

Bob starts toward the parking lot and Jake follows, his gym bag slung across his shoulder.

“She’s still in Virginia. Her job won’t let her leave right away. She’ll join us when she can.”

Jake clicked his tongue, mimicking Bob’s stance by shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “Bet you miss the dog more, huh?”

Bob snorted and huffed a laugh, opening the car door. “Listen, you should come over for dinner soon. Thea will be happy to see you.”

“Will she?” Jake heard himself ask, hoping that the nervousness that had snuck up on him the moment Bob mentioned Thea wasn’t noticeable.

“Yeah, she will. I think she needs it.” Bob assured, handing him a handwritten note with an address on it.

Jake thanked him and they decided on a day next week, so the siblings could have some time to settle before bringing guests over.

Bob requested that he bring Javy along if the man was free and Jake promised to let his best friend know about the invite the next time they spoke.

As Bob got ready to start the car, Jake voiced the question that had been nagging him since he found out about Floyd’s transfer.

“Hey, is Thea okay?”

Bob stopped short of turning the key in the ignition, taking a deep breath. The lines around his eyes hardened and Jake felt like he had asked the wrong question.

“No, she’s not. She will be, eventually. It’s not my story to tell. All I can say is that Bradshaw isn’t in the picture anymore.”

So they broke up. Jake’s suspicions had been right.

“How come?” He wondered, toeing the line between being polite and outright asking.

Bob leaned back in his seat. “Like I said, not my story to tell.”

He felt mildly disappointed but took it in stride, the corners of his mouth curling upwards. “Well, if you need help to hide the body, you have my number. See you Wednesday, yeah?”

They parted ways, bidding each other good night and Jake headed back towards his room. As he walked, he pulled out his phone and opened his text messages, scrolling until he found his conversation with Thea.

Spoke with your brother. Whatever happened, I’m here for you, if you need a friend. Don’t hesitate to reach out.

He put away the phone, reaching for his book as he made himself comfortable on the bed. Jake felt slightly calmer now that he knew something rather than nothing but he still wanted to reach out. If Thea didn’t want to answer him, that was okay. He just wanted her to know that he was there for her, for whatever she needed.

He turned out the light after two chapters, exhaustion hitting him. As he turned out the light, a quiet chime from his phone alerted him to a notification.

It wasn’t an answer but it was enough for him to know that she had gotten his message. A red heart marked his last sent message and Jake fell asleep with a smile on his face.

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#jake seresin x oc #hangman x oc #rooster x oc (past)#bradley bradshaw x oc (past)#fe writes #fic: let me drown #oc: thea floyd #top gun maverick fic #top gun maverick

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mybuttonfelloff · 10 months ago

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Okok so we all know the Sims 3 is like, not super popular and is also notoriously buggy BUT on the off chance anyone is like me and loves it, i have some tips that have greatly helped my game run better. I also am including links to any specific creators or sites I recommend. Tips under the cut bc it's a long post, but I tried to be thorough! You will need to understand like, basic reading comprehension and basic computer-y stuff (downloading files, unpacking files, dragging and dropping into folders, editing the occasional file text) but most stuff I link to have tutorials for adding mods into the game and whatnot.

I really hope this helps people like me who love TS3! but know the game is.... outdated for basically all computers. These are all things ive learned over the past couple years, so I hope this can be a helpful resource for anyone wanting to play TS3.

Number one will probably be using this tutorial to make the game recognize your current computer specs. Because the game is, yknow, old, it wont recognize newer drivers and whatnot. This tutorial will allow the game to actually recognize them and therefore run better https://www.carls-sims-4-guide.com/forum/index.php?topic=26753.0

Nraas will be your best friend for managing things in-game. It's similar to MCCC for the sims 4 but you completely customize which like, modules you use. I highly highly recommend specifically Story Progression and Master Controller https://www.nraas.net/community/home

LazyDuchess is a goddess and I highly Highly recommend her Smooth Patch mod. It makes the game run so much better. Also she has so many other mods that make things like CAS load faster plus a search function for Build/Buy https://www.patreon.com/lazyduchess/posts

ModTheSims is a great resource for Sims 3 Mods as well, definitely recommend making an account and perusing their sims 3 mods https://modthesims.info/

Speaking of ModTheSims, I highly recommend Regul Save Cleaner to... clean up the extra data in your saves https://modthesims.info/download.php?t=652440

Also on ModTheSims theres an excellent bug fixing mod from Simler90, it touches on a bunch of like longtime bugs that havent been fixed (like the firefighter career being bugged) https://modthesims.info/download.php?t=659969

Make sure that before playing or after adding any new mods, delete the files: caspartcache.package, compositorcache.package, scriptcache.package, simcompositorcache.package, and socialcache.package. If not, the game WILL load slowly and/or crash. These files are found in Documents\ElectronicArts\The Sims 3. Not sure about Steam bc I use the EA app, but I assume its a similar path.

Save every half hour or so to prevent crashes killing too much progress. And don't play for longer than an hour per initial load (like, play for an hour, save, quit and load the game again). I find it helps the game run smoother when you dont play in 3 hour stretches.

make a backup saves folder for your saves. Im not sure why, but i found that keeping only one save in the actual saves helps it loads faster and smoother.

Also when saving your game, ALWAYS use Save As. If you Save As, you wont have to worry about accidentally corrupting your saves, which happens a lot

Also, when you're about to save, move the save you loaded into your backup saves folder BEFORE saving. I find it crashes/corrupts way less if its not trying to compete with the other save

also keep your sims personal inventory fairly empty (like 10 items max) to prevent a known bug from occurring when saving. Use a storage box or something to store collectibles like gems, plants, etc.

WHEN IN CAS WAIT UNTIL THE LITTLE FLOWER LOOKING ICON IS BLUE TO SCROLL THROUGH THE CATEGORY. When it turns blue, all the items have properly loaded, so it wont lag nearly as much.

Prev point applies to build/buy, wait for the category to load before messing with things. You'll save yourself a lot of stress

Dont use 4 speed, i find it just lags and stops progressing time. I use 2 or 3 max, even when sleeping

In BuyDebug you can buy these invisible lights that make the lighting much much better in game. Just have an actual light, like a lamp or outdoor light, to be able to change brightness and color in Live mode. Bc.... Its invisible so non-clickable

#sims 3 #sims3 #thesims #thesims3 #sims tips #sims 3 tips #sims 3 mods #the sims 3 #sims game tips #sims 3 game tips

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hongluboobs · 18 hours ago

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book reader i have a copy of dream of the red chamber (volume 1) that ive been trying to get through for over a year how do i motivate myself to finish it

I'm recently coming out of a half a year ish period of not reading very much so trust me when I say the lack of motivation comes for us all. I think I have some tips for how to motivate reading in general+ some for DOTRC specifically :)

(Real quick, I assume because you mentioned a volume 1 you're talking about the Hawkes-David translation published by Penguin in five volumes under the name 'The Story of The Stone'. This is the translation I read through, and it's the one I see recommended most to english speakers looking for an enjoyable reading experience, so to any other prospective readers of this novel I HIGHLY recommend reading this translation as opposed to any other ones. I don't know if I need to say this or if it's well-known to seek out that version, but because Hong Lu's canto is coming up I want to make sure anyone interested in reading through the source material can have the best experience possible with it👍)

It's important to remember that reading is a hobby, and the best way to keep going with it is to make it a habit. Unfortunately, this means forcing yourself to read sometimes, but it comes easier the more you do it. The trick is: it doesn't have to be a lot of reading.

The hard part for me is really just picking up the book and starting to read. Normally with books I like to set a goal of a chapter or so per day, but because this book has longer chapters that wasn't always feasible for me, especially if I had stuff to do. But once I had the book in my hands and started reading I would usually go above my goal I had set :)

Last year a lot of my DOTRC reading was done while I was waiting in line for things, getting/eating food, waiting on the bus, or killing time between classes/during boring lectures (I don't know if I'd advise that last one). This is moreso once you get in the rhythm of things, though.

Another tip is sometimes the format is the thing to stop me. I don't know if you're reading from a physical book or an ipad/kindle/etc or a computer or what, but sometimes I read better on my laptop than other things because it's Always Around. Sometimes I don't feel like grabbing a book or I don't have it with me, but my laptop's already open and I'm bored so maybe I'll do a little bit of reading instead of scrolling social medias. Lately, i've been jumping between my laptop and kindle for reading (laptop for convenience, kindle for portability and reading before bed at night) but I've gone between physical books and digital devices before. (If you want the epub versions of dotrc, I'd be willing to share them as well. The only difficulty is page numbers change between reading formats so I can only really switch at the start of chapters or if I skim to where I last was.

Something that saved me while reading DOTRC specifically (as well as other sinner books) was having a place I could discuss/"liveblog" the book. These books can get LONG and the reading experience varies from "really interesting and compelling" to "oh my godddd I do not need 20 pages of Outdated Whale Facts right now". (no offense to Moby Dick. I'm only slandering that one because I read the whole thing and in spite of enjoying it I understand why there are SO many abridged versions around.) It's kind of just the classic lit experience to deal with these types of things, but it's a lot more tolerable to me if you can talk to other people about it.

When I read DOTRC I didn't have anyone else reading with me, but just having a place to tell people about all the things that happen in this book helped me to keep track of events and characters. It also motivated me to keep reading so I could tell The People what happened next. Having someone else read with me would probably have helped as well, but it's hard to sell people on reading a 5-volume behemoth of a novel with so much stuff in it it has it's own field of study dedicated to it.

You can really yap anywhere. I have a channel in my Limbus Discord dedicated to the books so I don't drive everyone insane with my rambling and it seems to have helped some of my friends get through some of the other books as well so I think this method is a pretty solid success? You could also pretty easily do it just in someone's DMs if they're already familiar with the book (this has the bonus of them potentially being able to clarify things for you and help you get a deeper understanding of the book) or even yapping on a tumblr sideblog or empty notes doc or something.

So TL;DR:

Picking up the book is the hardest part. Reading a little is better than not reading at all.

Subjecting your friends to this book will make it easier to keep going :)

Also: for Dream of the Red Chamber specifically: the book starts slow. I don't know how far in you are, but so many people drop it early. I started reading it during a 12-ish hour car ride and that might've been the play because i can see people getting bored during the first few chapters. It definitely picks up though, so trust me when I say it gets a lot easier to read as you keep going. Chapter 5 is an incredibly interesting chapter, and from there I find things pick up and start going faster. (It helps that chapter 5 is pretty relevant for the direction I think Limbus is going to take canto 8 in!) The later volumes were able to go by a lot faster for me than the earlier ones as well.

This is a long ass book, but it's gonna be a while before Hong Lu's canto drops and we get to Witness that Surrender. Or Surrender that Witness. I'm not actually sure. But regardless, you've got plenty of time to get through it, even if you're a slower reader or don't have much time to dedicate to reading. Steady progress is the name of the game for stuff like this.

Worst case, you've killed a bunch of time during the wait for Hong Lu's canto (because oh boy, I have a feeling this one's gonna be a wait) and you are able to gain a better appreciation for canto 8 by understanding some of the nicher bits of how it adapts stuff from the source.

Best case, you really enjoy reading it and end up like a bunch of the Hong Lu fans I know who were permanently changed by reading this book and started reading scholarly analysis of it for fun (or start seeking out every adaptation of it you can find, or read the book 5 times over... I am coming to realize this book does something to people.)

This book is legitimately incredibly good, even outside the context of me reading it because I was very invested in that beautiful cyan freak from a game I like. I might not have been able to get through it without Limbus providing me the push to keep going on days where I really didn't want to read, but it's a legitimate interest of mine now I will seek out information on regardless of its connection to Limbus! Trust me when I say it's worth getting through even if it feels hard or tedious.

(and if it helps- a solid amount of the stuff I feel is most likely to be Limbus relevant happens near the end of the book. There's so much in this book so things that could be relevant are scattered throughout almost all of it, but I've been picking up so many end of the book vibes from stuff we've seen lately. so you've got to get there!!)

#pachiposting #asks #citysootyowl #i don't know how to tag this one actually?#because it's not really about limbus #it is important though. i did like writing this answer :)#even if i have. checks notes. Several finals projects I have to work on #Shilling 18th century chinese classic novels is more important.#thank you for the ask. i yapped more than I thought #but like. i kinda just do that here every time i go to answer an ask #i have an old one from before c7 part 3 i still havent gotten around to yet just because the gears were not turning at the correct rate #i promise if thats you ive seen it. i have some stuff typed #i dont know when you'll see it though. i have a lot going on and half my brainpower right now is dedicated to spinning a png of hong lu #anyway byebyeee i hope this can help you!!#this book seems hard to get through but the style isn't hard to read because the translation's relatively recent #and it's long but a lot of the time I find it goes quick because interesting things are usually happening #you've got plany of time! its moreso abt building a habit than anything else

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thatuselesshuman · 3 months ago

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can you tell me a little about each rank of your military set up and how they are selected for the role? Feel free to ramble.

I'll gladly tell you 😁

Military Rankings (in order of most command -> least command):

General (most)

Archreapers

Rank I

Rank II

Rank III

Rank IV

Trainee (least)

This is just for the Reaper Section, but the Infantry and Reaper Sections don't ever usually answer to each other, so Infantry ranks don't matter (feel free to ask about them though, and I'll tell you).

So, explaining how they move between ranks requires a better explanation of stars. Stars are shown on every Reaper's uniform, and signify how many missions/people they've killed for the military. 1 mission completed and/or 50 kills = 1 star. If you get 500 or above stars, an X is displayed instead. Only two X's are currently in service, being the Archreapers Zero and Five (the oldest Archreapers). Stars correlate to command, salary, and privileges.

Also, small note, Reapers are the sector of the military with Affinities (powers). Everyone with an Affinity is conscripted when their 20, with a couple exceptions delaying to 24.

So, now for rank explanations!

Archreaper:

Requirements: Specially chosen. No one knows a surefire way to become one, even when there's an opening. Only known commonality is sheer power of their Affinity

Less than 1% death rate

Can wear whatever the hell they want, as long as their stars/X is displayed somewhere (usually back)

Their names are removed from everything, replaced with One ~ Nine

There has only been one Zero Archreaper

Usually old as dirt

Rank I Reapers:

Requirement: earn 150 stars

10% death rate

Wear White Uniforms with a patch identifying their affinity on their left arm

Wear a porcelain-like mask on the left half of their face. They aren't allowed to take off the mask unless they are alone, a superior officer tells them to, or are with their S/O (only one other than superior officer allowed to see them without it. Not even kids are allowed)

Highest level you can rise to for most people

Rank II Reapers:

Requirement: earn 50 stars

42% death rate

Wear Red Uniforms with a patch identifying their affinity on their left arm

Wear a simple silver circlet in their hair

wear a full cape that goes to the small of the back

Rank III Reapers:

Requirement: earn 10 stars

56% death rate

Wear Yellow Uniforms with a patch identifying their affinity on their left arm

Most Reapers are in this rank

wear a half cape on their right arm that goes down to the small of the back

Rank IV Reapers:

Requirement: pass Trainee exam

50% death rate

Wear Dark Blue Uniforms with a patch identifying their affinity on their left arm

Trainees:

Requirements: A power & passing the entrance test (changes every year, always deadly)

90% of Trainees die before they reach Rank IV

Wear Light Blue uniforms with a patch to identifying their affinity on their left arm

Called ‘Archreaper chow’ because the high death rate means jokes about Archreapers eating trainees for breakfast are common among upper ranks

Trainee exam: A fight to the death between you and a person in agreement (if unable to choose, fights will be randomly assigned). No intervention allowed, the fight ends when one person's pulse stops. All weapons, tactics, and Affinities allowed within the confines of the battlefield.

Most of our mc's are this Rank

Other things that may be of interest/use:

Reaper Uniforms:

Color depending on Rank

Names are displayed on the front of the overcoat

Slightly cropped folded overcoat

Stars are displayed on the back of the uniform

Stars on the top of the shoulders dependant on rank

Pants with a belt that has loops to hang things off of & places to store weapons

Pants are usually tucked into lace up combat boots that reach mid calf

Combat boots have straps across the laces and heel for support

Black undershirts (regardless of rank) with high-neck necklines and cut off sleeves

Squads:

Trainees are split into squads with 15 other Trainees

The squads are led by a Rank IV Reaper who goes through the program with them

--------------

When Trainees reach Rank IV, many squads are combined because of the high death rate

The squads include Rank III at this point

The member with the highest standing (usually star #) becomes squad leader

---------------

When a Reaper reaches Rank II, they leave their squads and join teams of 4 Rank II and 2 Rank I

Highest standing is squad leader, unless both Rank I agree to co-lead

Original Trainee Squads are usually kept together throughout the ranks, but death rates and different ascension rates means it's not guaranteed

Okay, I think that's all I'm going to say for now. As usual, feel free to ask further about anything and everything you're curious about! I'm always happy to answer

#Sorry i got to this late #life happened #send me asks #answered asks #asks open #send asks #asks #writeblr #writing #writers on tumblr #writerscommunity #writer #writers

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absolutebitchgetter · 11 months ago

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The problems of CS. Combined in one.

Since the CS ninjas are onto me, i shant give up. You will forever hear the tunes of the rumours of ABG'S unbanning.

Heres all the CS posts i can find:

All of this might share the same topic, and thats a feature of how Comic Studio doesnt - or probably will never - fix its problems. Insane. I know. However, why am i not giving up if we cant fix it?

To save people's sanity.

Im trying to get unbanned so i can prove i am trying to become a better person, and save people's mental health by pointing out thr flaws in:

-moderation

-people

-studios

-controversy

-kids

Its honestly pretty scary how kids are exposed to Jayst- i mean the toxicity of comic studio, and also how the experienced CS users are saying its worse than fucking Twitter.

Where can i begin with the fucking moderation? Where were they when i was getting banned? One is treated like an angel after the fucking outrageous calls he does. How long was i banned? 8 months? Yes. 8 Fucking Months. Above Half a year. One has literally made DOXXING JOKES TO ME and made me fear for my life. One in the cs discord takes someone elses side when i ask for a spoiler for Binding of Isaac (a pretty scary game). One is just fucking horrible at moderation. And one is probably biased after i did a few too many pings in a server. A server i owned btw, no one stopped me. You know who you are. :)

To name a few very shit studios,

-Probably fucking most of them

Probably 10% of the studios get used.

And a lot of them are just fucking shit.

We have a fucking NICK JR studio for like 2 YEAR OLDS.

When is there a fucking Despicable Me comic studio?

To name types of people:

Suspected pedophiles

probably pedophiles

pedophiles

nazis

racists

homophobes

transphobes

xenophobes

sexists

anti semetic

Jokes aside tho there are lot of people i named that are actually one of the things above. There are also lots of fucking toxic people.

To my next point

popular beats all apparently

If your popular, dont fear of being banned! You fucking wont be!

I can name, a shit ton of people that should be banned but wouldnt because they have a shit ton of followers and that would get a lot of people to quit the site.

-Puffyy (Should i say more?)

-Jaystar (☠️)

-Onion_Rabbit (Threw about users like hell, faked harassment, legit got people to witchhunt me (December 2022), was toxic to me before i got banned (unfairly) (July 2023)

-Deathzy (A fucking mpreg and sex comic untagged, did the same as Onion_Rabbit July 2023, has known cases of being cocky as fuck when they get their way)

-SarahKomik (Has threw about users under the bus pretending to victimise themselves over the slightest of out of context things. The current situation with Oka is one.)

-Zappy (The same as above.)

Theres a lot more! Holy fuck

This community has a complete fucking hivemind too.

When popular users say "this person has done something bad (slightly or horrible) target them guys" and when they say "dont harass this person pls" they're praying that the mods dont fucking mob them. Oh wait.

Its like a lot of people have pointed out popular beats all!

Also, this is how people say "fuck the rules" (e.g, Oka and me)

If you have any problems, comment it, You probably shouldnt have but if your a snowflake, combat me.

Oh yeah i also forgot Tammy got knocked about like the school thot at summer time with the football team. They need apologising yall. This is the reason why people quit, my point above. Tammy quitting is one of the worst things to happen to CS.

#comic studio #is fucking balls #and this one is for the champions #your mother #monke #cold monkey in the freezing cold weather someone save him

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ivy-is-fine · 4 months ago

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WARNING: long vent underneath; mostly self deprecation so be mindful of that if you decide to read

chat I’m genuinely tweaking out so fucking bad rn I just spent like an hour and half making a custom Minecraft skin and then I accidentally hit something that destroyed all of my progress, RIGHT BEFORE I DOWNLOADED IT YALL I GONNA EXPLODE I KNOW I SHOULDNT BE SO UPSET OVER SIMETHING STUPID AND POINTLESS AND SMALL AS THIS BUT HOLY FUCKING SHIT IM GOING TO CRY AND THEN I DONT KNOW THROW A HAT AT THE GROUND YALL IT LOOKED SO GOOD I LOVED IT AND THEN I FUCKING RUINED IT ILL NEVER BE ABLE TO MAKE IT THE SAME EVERYTHING WAS PERFECT, JUST HOW I WANTED IT TO BE. I KNOW I CAN JUST MAKE ANOTHER AND BE MORE CAREFUL BUT THAT WILL TAKE SO MUCH MORE TIME AND IT WAS SO TEDIOUS THAT TO SPEND MORE TIME WOULD MAKE THE EXPERIENCE EVEN WORSE. CHAT. CHAT IM LOSING MY FUCKING MIND. AND I KNOW IM ONLY SO EMOTIONAL OVER THIS BECAUSE ITS HOT AND MISERABLE AND IM OVERSTIMULATED AND THERES SOMETHING WRONG GOING ON IN MY BODY THATS MADE ME LOSE THE WILL TO EAT AND I HATE MYSELF AND EXISTING FEELS GROSS AND I HAVE NO ENERGY SO NOW IM CRYING JUST AS BAD OVER THIS STUPID, POINTLESS THING AS I DID WHEN MY FUCKING CAT DIED. IM NOT READY FOR THIS SCHOOL YEAR, IM GOING TO BE MISERABLE AND BURNED OUT AND I FEEL LIKE MY BEST FRIENDS DONT LIKE ME EVEN THOUGH I KNOW RATIONALLY THAT THEY DO BUT IM SCARED THAT THEIR OPINIONS OF ME ARE STARTING TO SOUR AND THAT THEYLL LEAVE ME BEHIND JUST AS EVERYONE DOES. GOD IM SO AWKWARD WITH PEOPLE NOBODY LIKES ME I CAN TELL AND I DONT TALK ABOUT ANYTHING INTERESTING OR KNOW ANGTHING ABOUT CARS AND TRUCKS LIEK EVERYONE I EXIST WITH. IM USELESS, I DONT HAVE A JOB, I DONT KNOW HOW TO MOW LAWN OR WEEDWACK OR DRIVE A TRACTOR. IM A WORTHLESS HUMAN WITH ZERO TALENT, ALL I CAN DO IS MAKE USELESS FUCKING ART AND WRITE USELESS FUCKING ESSAYS ABOUT USELESS FUCKING TOPICS. IM SO FUCKING WORTHLESS MY PARENTS SHOULD HAVE KNOWN IT FROM THE START, I COULDNT EVEN EAT FUCKIGN RIGHT. I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT MYSELF, I HATE BEING A PICKY AND SLOW EATER ITS FUCKING EMBARRASSING I HATE BEING UNDERWEIGHT BECAUSE IT MAKES ME WEAK AND I HATE BEING WEAK BECAUSE IT MAKES ME EVEN MORE USLESS AND EMBARRASSING. I HATE MY SKINNY FUCKING WRISTS AND THE NAUSEA THAT CONSTANTLY STIRS IN MY GUT. I HATE MY STUPID FUCKING OVERBITE AND THE HERBST APPLICATION IN MY FACE TO FIX IT AND I HATE MY CURLY HAIR THAT I DKNT KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF PROPERLY BECAUSE IT LOOKS STUPID AND MY SWEATY ASS PALMS THAT LEAVE MARKS ON THE FUCKING TABLES ARE AWFUL I HATE IT IT MAKES ME FEEL GROSS I WISH I KNEW HOW TO ACT IN PUBLIC I WISH I KNEE WHAT INCOULD DONTHAT WOULD MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY BUT I KNOW DAMN WELL THAT EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE WOULD FUNCTION BETTER WITHOUT ME. I WANT TO BE A PART OF SOCIETY BUT I NEVER KNOW HOW TO ACT, I DONT KNOW WHEN SOMEONE CANT TOLERATE ME. PEOPLE SCARE ME TOO EASILY I WANT TO STAY IN MY ROOM WHERE NO ONE HAS TO SEE ME. I WANT TO SMASH MY HEAD AGAINT A WALL, MAYBE ITLL MAKE ME NORMAL. GOD I CANT FUCKING STAND IT ANYMORE PLEASE I WANT TO KNOW HOW TO FUNCTION NORMALLY, HOW TO MAKNTAIN A HEALTHY WEIGHT, HELL, HOW TO HAVE AN APPETITE. I CONSTANTLY FEEL SICK AND RECENTLY IVE BEEN FEELING SO DETACHED FROM REALITY THAT I CAN HARDLY REGISTER ANY WORDS SPOKEN TO ME AND NO ONE TELLS ME ANYTHING IMPORTANT ANYWAYS LIKE HOW I WAS THE LAST TO KNOW WHERE MY FUCKING CAT GOT BURIED??? NO ONE SEEMED TO FEEL LIEK THAT WA SIMPIRTSNT ENOUGH TO TELL ME!!! IT FEELS LIKE EVERYONE EXPECTS EM TO KNOW STUFF WITHOUT HAVING TO BE TOLD BUT INDONT KNOW!!! I NEVER FUCKING KNOW!! I DOTN KNOW ANHTHING OTHER THAN USELESS PIECES OF TRIVIA THAT WILL NEVER BE USED ANYWHERE AT ALL. UGH I FEEL SO ILL, HUNGRY YET SICK AT THE SAME TIME. STARVING WITH NO DESIRE TO EAT. I KNOW ILL DIE, IM ALWAYS ON THE EDGE WITH DEATH, WAVING ACROSS THE STREET AT EACH OTHER. I DONT WANT TO BE SKINNY. I WANT TO EAT AND BE HEALTHY. BUT I CANT. I DONT KNOW WHY I CANT. I HAVE ACCESS TO FOOD AT ALL TIMES, THERES NOTHING STOPPING ME. I CAN HEAR MY STOMACH BUDDLE AND I CAN FEEL THE HUNGER PANGS BUT THEY DONT SEEM TO TRANSMIT TO MY BRAIN. MY MEMORY IS FAILING ME MORE AND MORE MY THE MINUTE, I CAN FEEL MYSELF

DETERIORATING. GOD IM SO SICK OF THIS THIS GAME ISNT FUN ANYMORE BUT I DONT WANT TO QUIT. ITS HARD BEING THE MEDIATOR, THE LIGHTHEARTED JOKESTER WHO DIFFUSES THE SITUATION AND REMAINS COOL AND CALM. IT FUCKING SUCKS AND I GET WALKED ALL OVER ALL THE TIME.

AND I KNOW THERES MILLIONS UPON MILLIONS WHO HAVE IT HUNDREDS OF TIMES WORSE THAN ME, BUT HOLY FUCKING SHIT LIVING SUCKS. MY BRACES AND HERBST MAKE MY FACE ACHE AND MY KNEES HURT WHEN HIGH PRESSURE SYSTEMS COME IN AND IM SLOW AND DONT PROVIDE ANYTHING FOR A TEAM. MY ARMS FEEL WEAK ALL THE TIME AND MY BRAIN FEELS LIKE AN EMPTY CHAMBER WITH SOME GUNK AND COBWEBS SLOSHING AROUND. GOD IM SO TIRED. EVERY PART OF MY BODY IS TIRED, IM EXHAUSTED THROUGH TO MY BONES AND BACK.

THERES NO GOOD WAY TO CONCLUDE THIS, AND IM SORRY IF YOUVE READ THIS THROUGH(OR AT ALL).

#long post #rant #vent #personal vent #cw eating problems #cw self deprecation #cw self loathing #cw animal death mention #pov greg(me) finally snaps #I’ve never tweaked this bad in my life

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gudakko · 7 months ago

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hanging some thoughts out in the void to dry

one thing ive been thinking more and more as I get older is the kind of people 10 years ago i would've called "normies" didn't deserve half the shit I'd think about them

i was a real chuuni back then and in hindsight i really don't get where id get that sense of superiority

you know people like that now have a lot of stability in their lives

they're done with their studies, they have pretty healthy social lives and already well on their way to start their lifelong careers

such an alien word to me that last one

i think the problem for me is more or a root issue

aside from the fact i didn't go on with my "academic life" i just struggle with the base concept of making something my own

that's kind of the whole thing really, both with jobs, degrees and even just hobbies

i have not seen another person ever talk about this kind of feeling before

people will get into things, spend time acquainting themselves with them and then they'll have that thing

It'll be something they know about with some confidence to the point they can speak about it to other people and even educate them to a degree if they were unfamiliar with it

This applies to any sort of hobby and game

I can't really say i feel that way about anything I'm "into"

if someone was to ask me things about any of those things I'd always have a looming sense of guilt for not being the right person for that question and could immediately think of someone better for it

so how do people confidently get into things? i know it takes time and effort but even things I've been into a long while and enjoy still don't feel *mine*

"someone is consuming this content better than i am" is what ill think

it's weird

i do like learning, memorizing things, learning a bit of this and that and storing that information as something I will know from that point onwards, but it's not enough

there's always the pervading feeling that anything i engage with i do so in an extremely superficial way and i don't know how to do better

i feel it might have to do with me often struggling to process information if it's presented a certain way

it's weird, it just makes me feel like im really stupid and obtuse but I know I like to learn things it's just so hard to look at them and not short circuit sometimes

It really does make me feel like I'm some kind of picky eater unable to process some things for no reason, it's really frustrating and i wish i knew how to get better at it

it makes me wish i wasn't so lazy and easily distracted at school too and that id just find "the right way" to learn things

but some days it'll really feel like that's just some part or setting of me that's always been there and is just supposed to work like that unfortunately

I also think i really exude this "superficiality" of mine to people

maybe they don't know what it is and can't quite put their finger on it but they can tell something is off and it makes communicating with me harder

maybe they can tell i won't be able to understand things the way they do and it just feels disheartening

people that have known me for long enough have come to know this and will sometimes talk down to me like im just some dumb kind and honestly while it was pretty annoying at first i realized i don't really have a comeback for it and they're not entirely wrong

did i just miss an important developmental step in information assimilation? i really think i might have

sometimes ill see people that make art or music, entirely new things that weren't there before

from nothing they made something that hadn't existed before up until now, and they just did that by themselves

i look at these people and i can tell they have a soul, it's undeniable proof to me that they do

I couldn't even begin to imagine the process behind something like that, both conceptually and practically

i wonder what that says about me

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burgycreeper405-blog · 1 year ago

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a messy rant talk cuz am angy

bruh, osc twitter is so fnckin toxic like, they just gave me extreme trust issues that i just start to not follow or even interact with anyone outside of my friend circle immediately even if they art is cool and chet cuz whenever i interact with anyone (like follow, reply or somthin) they will go and block me bcuz someone tells them that i did something bad without even knowing what it is, yet they believe them like they know me better

and the only thing i did was ship knife and mic, ive known that the siblings hc is everywhere and i asked allot of times why its so popular, yet no one is telling me so i did my own search about it but noooo they be harassing and spamming me in quote retweets and calling me out and chet for an info that a newcomer wouldnt know instead of just dm-ing me,, they fr had to tell the public about it

like bro, i just joined not even a year in, just a month in, yet they harassing me like ive been here since day one

and might i let you know that the “proof” they be spamming me is almost a decade old, like, they didnt even ask the person if theyre still okay with it or not, a friend of mine has to ask them about it and guess what, he doesnt even mind it anymore

and then them saying “we reached out to burgy but they did nothing” like??? did my thread that i did and deleting the microknife art mean nothing?? even if the person said that its not even a big deal anymore?? yall need to get more info than just info that’s decades ago cuz like, you do know people change right?

and just cuz i posted that thread a day late cuz like bro, i was tryna write it as clear as possible yet that is nothing to you???

like yeah, i blocked some people but they were spamming and harrassing the frick out of me and chet like dude, i get it, your proof is a decade old, try and see if its still accurate sheesh, shut up, i have never blocked anyone unless theyre being annoying, and thats what i did, i unblocked them a few days later

and now its about the GKGG au??? like bro, it’s an au, obviously its different from canon, and now bcuz of that, my friend has to do an explanation about it here even if it’s so obviously obvious (they even explained there on twitter that the backstory is different from canon, but i guess they don’t know how to read)

haysst

i am so glad that i decide to just keave twitter, ive been wanting to leave twitter since a long time ago cuz i dont even know what to do with it than just like my friends’ & brother’s post and funny retweets and CoryxKenshin says to follow him on twitter/hj

and now, i finally dumped that bird app on the trash cuz, my dash was so full of osc people that i dont even want to interact cuz my gosh, every week is just full of callouts and stuff,and like, they just be bringing up old drama, like even if the person theyre calling out is trying to change and chet or just even the drama was like months or years ago, they be bringing it up like its nothing, like the person didnt apologized and stuff, and what’s worse, people believes the one who did the callout post, they didnt look if what theyre saying is true or not like dude, whats worse is if it’s a fresh wound and the person is trying to change, but i guess the osc twitter doesnt understand the word “sorry” even if you did a whole essay about how sorry you are, it’s like they dont even wait for the other half side of the story bro

two months in knowing and drawing ii and the osc twitter was so toxic like bro, i dont think i can handle years being there, let alone just a month like sheesh

aight

here’s a old random sketch of Katie and a oc named Erick from my tlm superhero au as a, i dunno, a thank you i guess? if you took the time to read all dat, i dunno

i wanna draw more of them,,

#burgy talks

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sentientgopro · 11 months ago

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Okay, screw it, It's been on my mind alot, I'm writing the damn mirror post so I can get it off my mind.

There's a song I listen to often that has a couple of lines about "breaking the mirror". I'm the type of person who feels the need to understand every line of every song they listen to, so I googled the meaning. (Side note, part of me felt like it was right to write girl instead of person and she instead of they? I almost always use gender neutral terms in anything I say online regardless of being about me, but feeling like saying she is not something I've done before. That was weird. Back to the point.)

So I don't know how commonly known it is or whether people still pay attention to old superstitions, but apparently breaking mirrors brings you years of bad luck, but eventually you'll be just fine.

And there's obvious parallels between this idea and transitioning. Things will get alot harder after you start, but you'll be infinitely better off when you start to reach the other side. Right now, I can live simply as a guy and not have to worry about the perils of being trans, but once I break the mirror, it's on.

But I can't get over how there's this really old symbolism of taking the very thing that displays who you are, and shattering it, and it's gonna cause alot of problems for a while, but then the reflection is restored, better than ever, and all the bad is washed away.

And this was just a neat little idea in my head, until I saw a CERTAIN game with a certain stereotype was on sale for like £3 and bought it. And oh my fucking God, mirror symbolism is EVERYWHERE, because of course it is. The very incarnation of the bad parts of Madeline literally come from looking herself in the mirror and breaking it. People have talked before about the heavy Mirror symbolism in Celeste, often mentioning trans people's relation to mirrors, but recontextualising that with the superstition and the things I just mentioned made it hit so hard for me when it clicked and I put it all together.

Now, I always knew this would be an aimless rant, but I still spent a while trying to think of a good way to tie it together but its not working. I'm just gonna talk about the lyrics now and how they reflect my specific situation. Its 4 lines, in pairs, in two seperate verses:

"I need time to break all the mirrors,

But my mind is in pieces and not ready to make it clearer."

"Time to make it all clearer,

And if time never ceases I'll be ready to break the mirror."

How often do you hear trans people talk about how theyre not ready, or theyre finding excuses for themselves, and they don't know why? I'm the same, but I genuinely have a rock solid excuse for myself, that I live in an unsupportive and overcontrolling household, so I couldn't even start doing anything in secret because of how restricted I am. I should be going to Uni in about a year and a half, so that's the starting point. But even if this wasn't the case, I dont think Id start transitioing yet, Im not ready, my mind is in pieces and not ready to make it clearer.

But that's the thing, it IS time to make it all clearer. Ive got time, with no pressure, to figure myself out and improve my mental state so that I'm in the best position possible to break the mirror. So as long as I never cease doing that, I'll be ready to break the mirror.

If you're wondering what the song is, It's The Gift by Kevin Sherwood and Elena Siegman. The rest of the song isn't a trans allegory or anything, I honestly couldn't tell you what most of it is about, it's from fucking COD: Black Ops 3 Zombies lmfao. Every map in the Zombies mode of the Black Ops games has a secret song, usually by Kevin Sherwood and often with Elena Siegman singing, but sometimes its a different vocalist.

The reason I'm mentioning all this is because the map this song is on is Literally called "Revelations". Yep, certainly having a few of them lmao.

So, thanks for reading this unhinged rant about mirrors that's probably unoriginal as shit, I'm going to cut this off Immediately before I launch into a rant about how good Kevin Sherwood's music is. Honestly, hes too good to be working on COD, not to mention how Elena Siegman has the voice of an angel and a demon at the same time, that girls range is insane. Fuck, Im already slipping into a rant, I just need to stop writi

#196 #transgender

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melit0n · 11 months ago

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Oh geez, I'm sorry to hear you've been getting hate! I'm not on twitter but maybe the vibe IS just different for each social media platform? Anyways, I feel like ppl have the tendency to over idolize or like, think if you don't 100% love something then you're like a "fake fan" underserving of respect (or, undeserving of a band/media/fandom/etc, which is so weird.) Like I still love Sleep Token I'm just very meh :/ over the masks right now (but that may change in the future idk, doesn't mean I'm a fake fan.!)

The vibe is so different for each social media platform, definitely. Both with the people who interact with you and how much interaction you get.

For example, (hate to boil part of this down to likes, but oh well), sometimes I crosspost some of my shorter posts onto twt, and while they can get good interaction on here (e.g; a good chunk of my followers see it, people outside of my followers see it, carries on getting attention for a good week etc.), it gets basically nothing on twt.

For the people, I've got one absolutely lovely mutual who I interact with like, once a month (they go by Ces, has the tag @/Necromancess) but they're super nice. Came about from them reposting my Euclid post (with credit this time! Yippee!) and me popping into the replies being like 'thats me :D' and just bam, mutuals. But, other than that, it seems to be oddly hard to make mutuals, at least compared to here.

Admittedly, due to my experiences on twitter, I'm afraid to interact with bigger accounts mainly because they are bigger accounts, and also for the fact I know some of their mutuals have me blocked, but everyone on here is really sweet and understanding. So far, with my post about ST's new masks, the few people that have seen it have been really chill about it and just silently accepting it, which is all I ever wanted.

And you're so right about the whole idolisation thing. If you're not the perfect positive fan then you're not a proper one, according to half of social media, apprently. It always weirded me out when some fans have a non super positive opinion on the thing they like, then suddenly they're underserving of being in the fandom, like you said. I've never really experienced that properly until I got absolutely bashed on twt for having said non super positive opinion (which I what twt is known for, but I had the hope that a fandom I've been apart of and enjoying for 4+ years would treat me a bit better than telling me to off myself).

And exactly!! Just because you don't 100% like a change doesn't mean you're a fake fan. I don't know how much emphasis I can put on that sentence.

I've been a fan of Ghost for a couple years as well, and some people have compared the changing masks to how the Nameless Ghouls change their masks for each era, but the Ghouls still stay as a collective, y'know? There's basically nothing that seperates them other than their own small motifs they've added or the instruments they play. They're still a collective of Ghouls, if you get what I'm putting down, compared to the complete individuality that Sleep Token has produced for ii, iii and IV. I got used to the new Impera Ghoul masks within like, a week because I really do like their steampunk aesthetic, but I think it'll take me a bit longer to like The Lad's new masks because they're so utterly different from what I'd been looking at for the past four years. Balaclavas to what some have compared to being look-a-likes to Slipknot masks is a massive change, and I just have to wait a bit, like you're doing, to see if I'm fond of them or not. Either way, I'm still entitled to my opinion.

Thank you for being really chill and understanding with the ask anon, I appreciate it!

#thank you again for the ask anon!#appreciate it #just speaking my thoughts again #I'm glad I'm not completely alone in my feelings #sleep token #vessel #st #mel's rambles #anon asks #mel's asks

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traumatizedjaguar · 1 year ago

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My experiences with the gods speaking back to me after I reached out to them

So in one definition of the word prophecy above, yes I've received prophecies, but I prefer calling them divine knowledge I was given because I feel it fits better. Because it wasn't a prediction - all the things I've received over the years - that wouldn't be exactly the right word. But it WAS a message communicated to a person (me) by a supernatural entity (the gods); because the gods can see and hear more than what we can, and they can hear or read peoples intentions especially when those people speak about it or plan it out loud (like when my abusers would plan things against me). God our Mother I think can read our private thoughts, but Norse gods cannot. because I did gain information I wouldn't and shouldn't have known about before I met anyone in person... and it was about certain individuals I wouldn't have known anything about. The visions were of love warning me: to stay away from certain people who had bad intentions with me, so once I see the people and the places, RUN it said, it literally told me to run and get out when I see those people and those places. and the other half of the message said this person that you are meeting up with knows and is connected to your abuser, NS. “She’s evil, she has bad intentions, etc”

So when god sent me the divine messages like I said in the above paragraph, he proved it by not only telling me information and what abusive person is connected to what abusive person (way before I met them in person), but he showed me details of like the inside of these peoples places, places ive never been, and like all the details of a living or dining room for example to prove to me that it was a message from the gods and not just any dream. (I don't have it anymore it was online I wrote every detail out), describing the furniture, positions of the furniture, colors of the walls, floors, and furniture... nicknacks, where shelves were located, boxes, paper and where it was positioned in the room, patterns on furniture, positions and places of every item in the room; everything was precise and exactly detail for detail on point. So the message was "when you meet this person, in this place, they are connected to x abuser of yours, and you need to leave bc they have bad intentions, so leave/run right away!" Along the lines of you get the gist, I understand the gist of it. Thats the types of messages I was told in each sign/divine message. The reason why I didn't listen to some of them at first was because I thought I had something wrong with me and needed help, so I didn't take it as a supernatural "mail" if you will, although ik it was now, I took it as "let me call my doctor". im fine and im doing better, now I know to listen to it next time.

These were miracles by God. He thinks I’m worthy and that’s enough for me to live happily and in joy everyday.

Here’s another story:

I asked god to show/tell me the very first abusive incident that happened to me by a certain abuser in my dreams that night...and that night he didn't show me anything more than what I already remembered, I was third-person viewing it, but he did tell me, like it came across as reassurance to me that I was abused by her not the abuser in childhood which I kind of already knew but I let the gaslighting and manipulation get to me so that's why I asked for his help that night.

#my text #spirituality #norse gods #gods and goddesses #norse heathenry #norse paganism #norse pagan #norse heathen #norse mythology #Jesus christ #clairvoyance #mediumship #retrocognition #prophecy #prophecies

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married-2-the-music · 1 year ago

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K-pop Discography Deep Dives: Kingdom

A Disclaimer: I was planning, when I first started Tumblr, to be a lurker, but then I began an office job and needed something to listen to to keep myself occupied. And then, I started going through entire K-pop groups’ repertoires, album by album, and jotting down my thoughts. And then, I stumbled into K-pop tumblr and decided, you know what, there’s at least four people on this hell site who would read in depth rants about these discographies and at least five who wouldn’t read it and then get mad because it’s kind of our job as K-pop fans. My lukewarm takes should be taken with an entire silo of salt and the knowledge that this is completely for fun and occupying my very bored, very neurodivergent brain. With that being said, enjoy!

I’m talking about Kingdom today, so let me lay out my credentials. I’ve been a casual fan since around 2022, although I wouldn’t call myself a Kingmaker just yet. This discography deep dive is getting me there though! I’m considering going to their US tour this year, if they come anywhere close to where I live. We’ll see. Obviously, just like the (G)I-DLE one, I’m being harsher than I usually would be as a usual listener because this is a review, after all.

Let’s start with the concept. Kingdom is a group built around the idea that each member represents a different well-known king from a different country. Before we dive in the music, I wanted to talk for a minute about the controversy surrounding the very idea of the group, which boils down to the question: what counts as cultural appropriation and what counts as appreciation? For a group with such a focus on internationality, all 7 members are Korean, which means that they’re inevitably going to be representing cultures that they aren’t a part of, and, indirectly, profiting from them.

Personally, I’m unsure what to think about this. As a lover of history, I really enjoy what they’re doing, and it’s clear to me the amount of work that went into the research and stories for each piece. That being said, with the exception of the Russian one, I don’t belong to any of these cultures, and it's not my place to declare it all fine. Everyone needs to make up their own mind. So, with that out of the way, let’s start.

For this group, we’ll go album by album, starting with History Part 1: Arthur. As befits a legendary monarch from a millennium and a half ago, Excalibur feels otherworldly, from the angelic choir to the outfits that are an odd combination between common k-pop leather stage clothes and medieval knight’s armor.

Overall, what’s most notable about Excalibur is that it truly feels like a beginning: the song exalts Arthur and shows none of the later cynicism of the other monarchs featured. It seems to be the start of his reign, full of hope and bravery, and a revolution, with the phrase, “Follow me now, history begins with us." The accompanying album is also pretty good, with Night Air standing out as a softener to the army-like march of the title track.

The next album focuses on Chiyou, who in Chinese mythology is the God Of War. While this era isn’t my personal favorite, I do think it's the one that best captures who they are as a group. This song, Karma, may be their prettiest, a unique blend of traditional Chinese strings and flutes and modern trap.

Surprisingly, the god of war doesn’t get a song about battles, but the opposite: a song about moving on from the pain of loss that they bring and the need to find salvation for both oneself and future generations by striving for peace, with the visuals balancing the red-tinged fighting the song warns against and the blue-lit tranquility it’s is advocating for, as dancers spin with colorful fans. This album has several good b-sides, with the best being Magical.

Album three switches things up a bit, not only by transporting us to Russia, but also by focusing on a real person for their central character: the incredibly divisive Ivan IV, better known as Ivan the Terrible. It’s probably no coincidence that Black Crown is also the first song to paint its protagonist in a negative light, as Ivan struggles with whether to let the darkness corrupt him after taking control.

The song itself is neither their best or worst, but does an excellent job of building tension with classical strings and very sharp ballet movements. This idea of power, who has it, and the price they’d pay to keep it is a running theme in Kingdom’s work, but this song is the most upfront about it. This accompanying album is alright, although I prefer the first two, and the b-side On Air is quite good, especially in the melding of voices. My biggest gripe is that its instrumental intro is the best album track, with lovely combinations of electronic and classical, and I wish more of it carried into the song as Karma’s intro does.

With Pt. IV, Dann, the middle of the planned seven albums, we finally reach Korea, which, to no one’s surprise, makes the title track Ascension the most historically accurate of them all, being filmed at an actual Korean palace. The main character of this album is Dangun, the legendary founder of Korea, who spends Ascension lamenting the failures of his reign that have caused the people to revolt; they’re now outside, prepared to break the palace gates down, and he has nowhere to run.

Like Ivan, Dann has let power corrupt him, but unlike Ivan (and Arthur), Ascension is his ending, not his beginning. The instrumental of this one is rife with ancient drumming and EDM, a match that shouldn’t work but absolutely does. Similarly, the accompanying album is the best of the six so far—I couldn’t decide between Illusion and Blinder as a hidden gem—and somehow it hangs together despite seeming as miscellaneous as the others; the dual title tracks definitely help with the balance and cohesion.

Speaking of which, the other title track deserves some attention as well. Promise isn’t only a song with a music video that could best be described as a three minute and twelve second historical kdrama, but also just absolutely beautiful. It’s a very traditional Korean ballad, with a backing piano, building strings, and of course, a soft drum beat as the base layer. It starts quietly, as many ballads do, but it's at its post-chorus, which is full of pained yearning and the begged question, “Why does my love hurt so much,” (and which I’ve heard accurately described as “utterly transcendent”), that the song catapulted its way into my absolute favorites, not just of Kingdom, but of k-pop in general. It was while listening to this song that I noted that Kingdom has lovely voices and a real talent for harmonizing with each other, and I desperately wish more of their title tracks would use it.

Anyway, rant over, back to the main albums, and Part V: Louis. The title track Long Live The King is about the “Sun King” Louis XIV of France, who was famous for his very long reign, and his struggles with watching those he loves die and the world change around him since he lives to be so old; again, another thing someone exchanges for power, although he isn’t as vilified for it.

Normally with Kingdom’s title tracks, the East Asian songs are more historical while the European ones are more fantastical, which isn’t surprising, although this one looks as though it could’ve been filmed in Versailles with its 18th century costumes and gilded decor. But, while the song itself is pretty good, its album is the weakest, with none of the b-sides quite working for me.

And the last album focuses on Jinmu of Japan, a mythological figure said to be its first emperor, but the title track Dystopia, despite its name, moves away from the price that rulers pay for power and instead, like Excalibur, appeals directly to the audience, this time asking them to throw off the chains of society and break free from the pain inflicted on them.

Unfortunately, again like Black Crown, it doesn’t incorporate the classical sample close to enough to be on par with the others, and also doesn’t have the slowly built tension of Long Live The King or the beauty of Karma, and so kind of…meanders around without a strong identity of its own. The accompanying album this time is decent again, with Song of The Wind what should have been the title track. Unlike many k-pop groups, their ballads are all excellent and feel more genuine than their “cool”, rap heavy songs, like Warning, Burn, or Elements.

When finding groups, I always want to figure out what makes a group unique, worthy of my time, and to see if they have an established identity, which Kingdom has in absolute spades. The issue I have isn’t with any of their ideas or songs themselves, but with their work as a whole. What’s odd is that, while they do have this clear identity in their title tracks, they don’t follow through with it in the rest of their discography, and end up sounding a lot like other groups of their time. But when they’re good, they’re really good, delivering songs full of questioning power and catharsis.

My top five are Promise, Excalibur, Night Air, Ascension and Song Of The Wind. Overall, Kingdom gets a 7.5/10 from me. (Which I want to emphasize is still very good). I enjoyed this deep dive too, and especially getting to learn about the members of the group, who I didn’t know much about when I started. Who knows? Maybe by the time their American tour makes its way to me, I’ll be cheering in the stands too.

So, see you next time for a girl group!

#kingdom #K-pop #K-pop boy groups #Arthur #Chiwoo #Chiyou #Ivan #Dann #Dangun #Louis #Mujin #Jahan #kingdom kpop #history #Spotify

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