#YOU FOCKIN WHAT MATE

[quarterlifekitty]

heyyy

can I ask for a part 2 on fuckboy soap?

i want to know more about what happens with reader and simon

in my head, Simon HATES seeing Johnny treat the reader that way. i can envision Simon taking her out, treating her right and all but stealing away Johnny's toy.

So, I posted a part 2, but I have these asks about it and I’d hate for them to go to waste— so I thought I’ll do a little bit of expansion on the relationship. Some shite exposition.

Uhhhh I’m back from writing this now and I didn’t mean to do this but I kind of made this like a prequel or like a part 1.5 I didn’t mean to make it so long oops

Promethean: how to starve a beast

Simon does not involve himself, in any way, in the nasty hookup miasma that Soap is a part of. That most of the frat is a part of, honestly. Motherfucker doesn’t party. This man is on financial aid and has a part time job. He is studying because he’s the one paying for his schooling and for his living expenses.

He doesn’t care that Johnny fucks people under less than savory pretenses. People get played by him? Better they learn their lesson with some harmless douche with a mohawk than with someone who will actually do some damage. Ultimately, not his business. He’s seen plenty of people come and go across the hall, and he’s not fussed.

He doesn’t respond to the conquest stories from the other guys when they’re sharing takeout, or the occasional ‘family’ dinner. Really, the only reaction he gives, even internally, is when one of them comments on something some girl did that was gross, or something about them that wasn’t hot.

A complaint that her period started when she stayed the night. I’d like to fuck a girl while she’s on the rag. Bet it’s fucking warm and slick.

A complaint that she had cellulite. Way to out yourself as being a porn addict, mate.

A complaint that her nails dug too hard into his skin. I’d love for a girl to make me bleed when I fuck her.

He didn’t feel any sympathy. Just accumulated little, harmless fantasies.

Until Johnny started talking about you.

Simon didn’t know you. Had never met you. Seen you once or twice, maybe. Hadn’t learned to even recognize your face.

“Kept leanin’, think she wanted me t’kiss her.”

“So fockin’ bad at giving head. S’a bit cute, tae be honest.”

“Tried tae make a grab for my hand the other night. Can ye believe it? Tryin’ tae hold my hand while ah’m givin’ it tae her. Daft thing still doesnae get it.”

Then he starts to notice you when you leave Soap’s room. The way you very gently close his door as if you’re worried about bothering him. The way you pause, like there’s something you want to say, before you move on. The deep breath. The odd sniffle.

And then, when you show up. Yanked inside without so much as a kind word.

Simon has to strain and get close to the door if he wants to hear you. Soap’s loud as all fuck, but from what one can hear from the hall, he may as well be in there alone.

It’s like there’s an electric coil in his belly. Every time there’s something to do with you, the dial ticks over a notch. The current heats the metal. Every time Soap brags about what he’s done to you. Every time he sees you shake when you walk down the hall and out of the house. Every time Soap brags about what you, the stupid little thing he keeps for a fuckpet, really wants—

The coil is red hot. Even if he could figure out how to turn off the burner, the heat would stay. The metal would be hot to the touch. The heat radiates the very air in front of him, like a mirage. He thinks of you when you’re not even in the house. When no one’s talking about you. You’re a parasite that’s squirmed deep into his gut and you can’t be removed without pulling his organs out with you.

He feels like he’s gone mad. How can no one else see it the way he does? How can Johnny not see how privileged he is to have you even look at him? How can he not want the perfect devotion you’re so keen to give him? How can you not know that any man would thank god for your returned affection, if you’d only set your sights on one that wasn’t a complete and total fuckhead? How has no jealous classmate or longtime friend come by and set Johnny’s nose bloody and crooked for how he’s treated you, sensitive and dangerously endearing as you are?

Every time Johnny talked about you, he had no idea that it was another rusted staple under his best mate’s skin. Building your mythology. Making you a prize. No, that wasn’t right.

Making you seem utterly wasted. Shackled yourself to a mutt with no sense for what he had writhing and submissive beneath him.

Soap has the perfect thing, the finest yield of flesh, right between his teeth and he won’t bite down.

Content for you to rot in his maw.

Well, Simon isn’t.

[junkratswifey]

Hello! Hopefully I'm not too late for the ask thing- I hope you don't mind headcanon stuff cause I've had an idea boggling around my head for a bit: What S/O would need to do to have the mercs like- happy crying, angry crying, sad crying etc. You can make it angsty or as wholesome as you want. (Hopefully I worded my ask right ^^') Oh, and gender neutral please. :)

OH MY DAYS. YES MA'AM, SIR, AND NON-BINARY FRIEND.

Contains: Happy tears (I can't write angst to save my life), Demo, Soldier, Scout, Sniper, Engie

💣Demoman💕

I find that when sober, you could just hug him and he'd melt.

But when he's drunk, he will be crying.

Like y'all could be having a conversation, just hug him, and he'd be like

"QUIT DOIN THAT, YOU ALREADY MAKE ME WANT TA FOCKIN CRY CUZ A HOW GREAT YE ARE"

Any sort of affection when he's drunk works 💕

🪖Soldier🫡

He tries not to cry, because he probably thinks he's not allowed.

But when you softly tell him you love him and then show any sort of affection, he's quite literally sobbing.

"THANK YOU CADET, I LOVE YOU TOO. (sobs)"

Please treat him well, he is so soft 😭

⚾Scout🏃🏻

You know when you stretch, sometimes you'll groan from comfort? And y'know how some people do that when they hug their partner?

He cries every time you do that.

He likes to know that you're comfy, especially in his arms.

"Are you cozy?"

"Mmm, yeah"

"😭"

Big softie, give him hugs 💕

🇦🇺Sniper🦘

He sometimes struggles with picking up on romantic qualities. He doesn't mean to, he just isn't used to it.

I likes when you give him small kisses on his cheek, and when you fall asleep on him/in his arms.

I imagine one time you dozed off in his lap, and you woke up to him sniffling and rubbing his eyes.

"Snipes are you okay?"

"(sniffle) Yea—Yea, mate, I'm alright."

🧰Engie🤠

Engie is a very loving significant other.

He treats you well and makes sure you get lots of attention.

Sometimes he might let you help out in his little workshop.

If you ever work on something yourself, and you do that hot thing where your sleeves are rolled up and you wipe the sweat off your forehead, he is BAWLING.

"Engie! Are you okay???"

"Y-yeah-I just—(sobs)"

THIS IS SO CUTE I LOVE THIS 😭😭😭

[piratesmyass]

Imagine. Someone from the outside asks Izzy "What even are you?"

Izzy answers "I'm the fockin' unicorn, mate"

[space--hobbit]

yeah whoops apparently I'm writing fic now?

“You know what the worst part about training is? The fockin’ clients. Oooooh, yes, Mr Hands, I’ll definitely dedicate myself to just twenty fockin’ minutes per day on working out my dog’s leash reactivity! Then twats come back two weeks later and bitch at me about how I’m not fixing their dog, wasting their money, when they haven’t done any of the fockin’ WORK!”

Izzy finishes the sentence at a roar, throwing the receiver of his landline phone across the office.

Norman, his scruffy staghound, rises from his bed and places his front paws on Izzy’s shoulders, pressing his whole, solid body into Izzy’s torso and thighs, gently nudging the cross tattoo high on Izzy’s cheekbone with his wet nose.

Izzy sighs deeply and presses his forehead into Norman’s fuzzy shoulder.

“Cheers, mate. Good boy, good pressure. Alright, I’m okay now. Shh. Norm, release.”

Norman presses one last boop to Izzy’s face and flops down from his position to rest his big head across Izzy’s thighs, and sighs dramatically, as one tattooed hand reaches down to gently scratch behind his rose-shape ears.

From its position face down on the floor next to the filing cabinet, the phone begins to ring again.

-----

shoutout to @snapsandgrowls on twt for dropping a plot bunny that is just going to let me complain about work for several thousand words

[head-shoulders-toeknee]

how do i get ssri's without having to talk to anyone about it cuz being within a 3 yard radius of a psychiatrist always auto-hacks my brain into feeling tip top fandabidozi within 0.3 seconds like some sort of wack-ass defence mechanism

it's always like:

psych: "ah.. i see you've gone through quite some hardships. that must've taken a toll on you."

me, being led by my brain and having zero control over it: "NAH mate i'm fockin BIBLICAL no a thing wrong with me lad Not A Bloody Thing! Absolutely smashin' this life of mine! Oh good lord where do I put all of this HAPPIness that's DEFINITELY surging though my body right now! See ya next week!!!!" -end scene-

and then i wake up the next morning feeling like i've got 268 weighted blankets pushing me into the mattress and a sort of horrible feeling in my psyche that i can only describe as the mental equivalent of nausea

Also what is it about walking into therapy that makes me forget ANY negative feelings or situations I've Ever experienced

[stillbornedprincess]

anova half human savant of the arts . Haack

composer of probably one of the funniest music of all time. First person te harness proper concentrated and unfiltered eletrick drum power , enuff te set one’s soul sideways; te make ones tear ducts expel all the sugar in one’s body . Fucking geniuous . A true telepathick mate 2 all . And to think he was just kindav like unnappricuated during his time .,, lkkw … that’s so funny. haack ataack iz baack ; bruce haack ,,,;; anti waack … ;;-

can you just imaagine - ;;; buttonz 4 eyes ,,, numbers for naames …… is it haard to think of ;;, life without sex …… this is aall paart ~~^ of da komputur complecks ..

there’s a documentary avalable on yutuube about him and his artwork but if am speaken te ye honestly .it’s kind of sheite, in the way that it’s uninspiring and kind of just waffle. Doesn’t elaborate upon nor justify any of the claims made in et either..But somehow de producerz got THE jeaan jaquez perrey on the doc..! Pretty epeik, but like. Can we hear more aboit the creaAtive prossezzes of mr hackula.,;;

haack attaack .. haha .. heart attack … lawwl.. heaart attaack……. Pest in Bower……

fockin oodball persy price dat bloke eill tell ye tha. Anyway. What eive been findin on the internet is that the folks who are like totaally inte bruce haack are nawt normal aboit it . So this guy, a chris kah-something.. absalut nut. lovin it though. he wuz one of the many alleged homosexuul flings ov this bruce feller . Alleged, as mr haack claimed celebacy. anyway am after gettin ahead of meself.,; so this Chris guy, sayz he’s got a psycik connectton with da spirit of mr-haackattac, even after his death . I find the folks who speak ov him (Bruce Clinton haack) online really go in supernatrul abut it. and they like to call him daddy too.Speaks of Ghosts, astral projection , contactin de man himself using majik .. like the didgital Rasputin … makin de pretentious folks ov da futur fall deeply in lov wit him.. like the nimpy pimpys who spoke in that damned documenterey!!! Anyway!!!!!! Bismillah.

So this talk of this telepathik following .. freaks me out. In a good way. Cause lkkw. It’s so funny. so absurd. who the fuck even is Bruce haack. Who is he. No one knows. Well obviously some people did. Lady named Ester nelson who’s after dyin two or three years back .. god bless her.. and the chris guy. Could one deny it though? Most of his musik is so bloodey gnostik. In the way it reeeeks of western esotericsm . Cherubic hymn reads like a heartfelt love poem from a freemason . The entire electtic lucifer album? Madness.(posivtive) and aboit it, is actually dead beautiful!

once you get ovar the bizzare shock that iz de first track.. yuoll find that it’s really a work of art. So positive, so moving. Jarring for sure but really inspiring—some may find it like a culty new ager tape,creepy,absurd,,demonic.. some may find it funny(a think it’s bleedin hilaruous but das just me) ,,,, —

itza getten prerty late and am gettin a wee bit lethargik .., but ave got so Much te say… aye.. if God gives me de chance.. I’ll get back to this rant. For now, Salam aleykumz to evrryon. To the dead and de livins. Bye . Salam . Bye . Guten nite. Bye

[silvcrignis]

@manufactoredxbyxdesign & I really are just pairing up two scammers {x}

Of course there was only o n e left. Dual trials were a rare treat (at least when she could work well with her partner) & honestly the fear in the air whenever they were the chosen hunters was… Interesting to her. Sometimes she wondered if it was the brutality or deceptive humanity they both were swathed in that s c a r e d their quarries more.

She’d lost sight of the other blonde when the pair they’d been chasing split off, if she wasn’t mistaken he’d dragged them off to a h o o k, or maybe he was saving that one for a Mori. It hardly mattered, they were going to w i n… Those generators… What terrible team work had been displayed how could they have t w i c e the help & still lose to them so badly? She’d be disappointed in them if she could muster the effort.

Hers had been quick to dart off when his friend had been taken & since today she’d been feeling a little silly & creative the Terror Dome had taken the form of an abandoned stage set… & this man had the presence of mind to lock himself in a c a g e prop! Hilarious & very clever if she was being honest. But she had plans for tonight otherwise she would’ve laughed.

“Now now, no need to be a sore loser… Come on out of there… I’ll only ask nicely. Once,” she drawled, clawed fingers smearing the blood that was already all over her mouth slightly further.

“… I will… If you date me!”

Her brows furrowed, a bold tactic but one that would hardly work, honestly she refused to believe he was serious, he’d seen her rip off limbs at least twice tonight.

It shouldn’t have turned into a back & forth, she had no idea h o w, maybe it was the gold bracelet he was wearing keeping her from just smashing through the hollow metal bars & ending this farce right this instant.

“Mate! Just come out the fockin’ cage, it’s n o t bloody happenin’!”

“… That accent shift totally makes me wanna come… Not sure about the leaving the cage part.”

“… Disgustin’”

She’d been at this for at least 30 minutes! Could these fuckers not just lose gracefully?

[run-me-through-but-not-like-that]

You’re doing spooky fics!! (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ

How about monster!reader? Maybe vampire!reader x Izzy? And Izzy lets reader drink his blood?

I mean, on Blackbeard’s ship it would’ve probably been easy for them to get a drink. They went on chaotic bloody raids fairly often so no one would notice or care if reader snuck off to get a meal. But now on stupid Stede fockin’ Bonnets clown ship, they aren’t doing any proper raids and reader has no meals. If Izzy offers to let them have his blood it’s just practicality (not at all because he can’t stand the idea of them going hungry).

For Izzy “service as a love language, pain kink, touch starved” Hands, what could be more intimate? Poor man would probably pass out. It’s the blood loss (it’s totally not just the blood loss)

It's Spooky Season!

Hunger Pains:

Most people new of the existence of vampires, at least in the pirate crowd, or they had at least heard stories. Still, it wasn't something you just told everyone about, especially when a crew was particularly superstitious. You couldn't even imagine the reaction you would get if you told Frenchie or Buttons about what you were, though you wouldn't be surprised if they weren't suspicious of something.

Blackbeard knew what you were, had been a little obsessed about it when he first found out. You were new and interesting, he wanted to know everything.

Izzy knew, being first mate and Edward's best friend. Izzy was actually the first to find out, having caught you feeding during a raid. You're still a little surprised that he didn't run a stake through your chest right then and there, instead he demanded answers and told the captain. Blackbeard decided to keep you around.

Thankfully, they had kept your secret. Eventually your vampirism became old news and Edward lost most of his interest, but Izzy always made sure you used raids to feed, making sure you had the time and space to do so.

Knowing your feeding patterns and how to tell when you were going too long without feeding (just because it was his duty as first mate to keep an eye on the crew, no other reasons), Izzy could tell that you had already gone too long.

Your face had lost it's glow, looking almost gaunt, and your eyes had lost their colour, turning dull and lifeless. It's not like the two of you shared a lot of physical contact but the few touches he had given or received over the last weak had shown him just have cold your skin had become, another sign of your hunger. All in all, you looked unwell.

-

Down in the hold, you jotted numbers down on a clipboard, taking stock of the supplies. It was cooler down in the hold and away from the rest of the crew. You liked this crew, had integrated fairly well, but right now being surrounded by them was overwhelming.

You had been feeling weak for a couple of weeks now, your head aching at the sound and bright light of the deck. Down in the hold were it was quiet and dim, your headache eased, your senses had a chance to relax.

Izzy wasn't able to sneak up on you, nobody ever was. You had heard somebody walking down into the hold, had come to learn the gait of most crew members. You didn't comment on it when he came to a halt and just observed you, arms folding over his chest as you worked.

Something was wrong, or at least different. The first mate wasn't just here to make sure you were doing your job properly, you could tell that much.

"You need to eat," Izzy suddenly spoke up, never being one to bother with niceties or small talk.

You sighed, rolling your shoulders in an attempt to shift the tension in them. "Yeah? How do you suggest I do that?" you didn't look back at him, keeping on task.

Another sigh of your hunger, you were becoming short and snappy with the crew, with him. Nothing too aggressive or concerning, just enough for the others to notice something was going on with you.

"You got a plan?" Izzy asked. He didn't know everything about your condition, nor did he pretend too, but he knew that you managed your hunger extremely well, like you had it on some schedule. A schedule that you hadn't been able to keep as of late.

"Wait until the next raid...fuck, or port if that comes first," you shrugged. You liked to use raids, were violence was already rampant, but you knew how unlikely that would be with this new crew. That meant you would have to find something at port, like a predator stalking their prey. It never felt right to you but what choice did you have?

"We both know we aren't raiding anything anytime soon and we have no plans on stopping at port until the end of the month," Izzy reminded you.

You took a deep breath, steadying yourself. "...I'll be fine."

Izzy refrained from rolling his eyes. Who were you trying to convince, him or yourself? "You're not going to start feeding on the crew, are you?" he asked.

"What? Fuck no, you know I wouldn't, Izzy," finally, you spun around to face him, your brow furrowed with anger and hurt. How could he even think you would do that?

Unbothered by your reaction, having expected it even, Izzy continued to make his point. "So, you're just going to starve?"

"It won't kill me," you assured him.

"It'll will make you weak, it will hurt you," he insisted, dropping his arms to his side.

"Then what the fuck should I do?" you snapped slightly, your frustration clear. Izzy was certain that you missed the regular raids even more than he did.

"I'll let you feed on me," Izzy told you like it was nothing, as if he was offering you some hardtack for your troubles, not his own blood.

"...what?" you faltered, staring at him with widened eyes. He had spoken clearly and surely but you must have heard him wrong, your hunger playing tricks on you.

"You can drink somebody's blood without killing them, can't you?" he questioned, already knowing the answer.

"Yeah, I guess so, but I wouldn't ask that of anyone," you shook your head. You couldn't ask that of him, wouldn't ask that of him.

"You're not asking. I'm ordering."

"Izzy," you tried to protest, not understanding why he would offer you this. Why he would do this for you.

"Can't have you weakening, not when I'm first mate," he made his excuse but it didn't sit right with you, it didn't feel like the full truth.

"...I don't know...are you sure?" you asked cautiously, eyeing him like this might be some sort of trick.

"Wouldn't have suggested it if I wasn't," he nodded, showing no reluctance.

"Okay...we should go to your cabin so nobody walks in. You should get something sugary to eat and some water, for afterwards. And some bandages, you won't bleed out, just to keep the wound clean," you advised. If you were going to do this, you were going to do it properly.

Izzy agreed to your terms, since you knew more about vampirism and feeding than he did, he knew it would be best to listen to you. "I'll meet you there after you've organised the hold."

"Yes sir," you nodded, watching him leave the hold.

As you finished organising the hold, you prepared yourself for having somebody put themselves in your hands like Izzy was about too. Meanwhile, Izzy grabbed a few biscuits and a jug of water from the galley, snatching up a roll of bandages on the way back to his cabin. Preparing for your visit.

-

After organising the hold, you procrastinated fumbling around the ship for a little while before gathering there wherewithal to head towards the first mate's cabin.

Arriving outside the cabin, you almost talked yourself out of it. It was a generous offer, almost too generous, and you weren't sure if you could go through with it. But you were so hungry and Izzy seemed cemented in his decision, putting his trust in you.

You were knocking on the door before you even realised you had lifted your hand. Izzy opened the door and invited you in, closing it and locking it behind you.

You understood locking the door, making extra sure you wouldn't be interrupted, you would be found out, but it also reminded you of how much he was trusting you with this. To lock himself away with you, locking people out, putting further obstacles between him and safety.

You walked further into the cabin, giving it a quick look over. Nothing too special, he hadn't really personalised the small space.

"How's best to do this then?" Izzy asked, getting right to it.

You turned back to him, just noticing that he had removed some of his layers. His boots, necktie, and vest had been removed, leaving him in his leather breeches and loose shirt.

"Uh...anywhere with a major vein is best. Don't worry, you won't bleed out," you quickly reassured him.

"I know," he nodded, not sounding in the slightest but unsure. He knew you wouldn't let him bleed out. The two of you had a mutual respect, perhaps even a friendship, not that he would ever call it that.

"So, yeah...neck is normally best, but your forearm should be fine," you told him.

"If the neck is best, just do that," Izzy chose easily, shrugging slightly, already beginning to undo his shirt.

"...are you sure?" you checked, surprised by his decision.

"Is it more dangerous?" he asked.

"No, not really. I know how and when to stop, just don't normally have too," you assured him. Honestly, you hadn't been worried about any increased risk, you had been more worried that it might be a little too intimate.

"Then it's fine. I can hide the mark under my shirt collar or necktie. Don't see the problem," his casualness about this was surprising, if not a little confusing. You wondered just how much of it was an act, feigning a certain level of confidence, but you couldn't sense any fear or discomfort coming from him.

"Yeah...okay, if you're sure," you agreed, because what else could you do?

Without ceremony, Izzy removed his shirt, folded it, and placed it down onto of the chest at the end of his cot. You watched him closely as he sat down on the edge of his cot, giving you an expectant look, waiting for you to just get on with it.

You figured you should give him a quick warning on what the experience might be like. "It's going to hurt at first, obviously, but-"

"I can handle a damn bite," Izzy huffed, beginning to become frustrated with your fretting.

"-but, it will stop...will actually start to feel kinda good," you continued on anyway, voice a little firmer this time.

Izzy frowned a little then, not concerned, just confused. "...why?" he asked.

"Stops prey from struggling, I guess," you shrugged slightly. You knew how things worked, not exactly why they worked that way. It wasn't like you had a mentor when you were turned.

"Okay," he nodded, just accepting it.

Cautiously, you climbed onto the cot and moved to kneel behind him. Better that than straddling his lap, you figured. Izzy didn't comment on it.

"I promise I'll stop before you lose too much blood but if you want me to stop or start feeling dizzy, anything like that, tell me. Feel free to just grab me and pull me off," you told him, gently placing your hands over his shoulders.

"I'll be fine," Izzy huffed, tilting his head to the side to give you better access.

"Just promise to do whatever it takes if you need me to stop and I don't," you hadn't lost control of your hunger or yourself since you first turned, having learnt how to manage these things, but you couldn't help but worry.

You didn't want to hurt him or put him at risk but he was right. You were hungry, too hungry. And he smelt so good.

"Fine. I promise," Izzy begrudgingly agreed but you knew he was telling you the truth, making you comfortable enough to go through with this.

Your gaze trailed down Izzy's exposed neck, the way he craned it even more to the side for you. You swallowed the lump in your throat at the sight, practically able to hear the blood coursing through his veins.

Slipping one hand down one of his arms, you lent down and licked a stripe up his neck, bringing the vein up to the surface. Izzy shivered against you.

"Sorry," you whispered against his skin.

"It's okay," he whispered back, fingers twitching against his leather pants. You could smell no fear coming from him, so you believed him.

You stroked your thumb over his opposite shoulder, perhaps an apology or a warning. Then you sank your fangs into his flesh.

Izzy tensed slightly at the initial sting, letting out a strained grain, but just as quickly he melted into it. Surprising you. It shouldn't have started feeling better until you actually started drinking from him, you supposed you shouldn't question it, you didn't want to hurt him after all.

Pulling your teeth away, you latched onto his neck and began to drink.

Izzy sighed as he began to relax further. You were right, it did begin to feel good. The hands against his shoulder and arm began to warm up, only making him lean into you more. He let his eyes drift shut, unable to focus on anything but the sensation coursing through him, his body feeling loose and relaxed.

Eventually you felt him sink back against your body and his head loll back a little too easily for your liking. You pulled away slowly, leaning around to check his face.

"Okay?" you asked.

His eyes opened slightly, barely little slits, but he nodded. He looked pale but he would be alright.

You dipped your head back down, licking up the rest of the blood until the sluggish bleeding stopped completely.

"I'll get you a bandage for it," you offered, carefully pulling away from him. Izzy lazily shook his head, reaching back to weakly grab at your pantleg, his weight still resting against you. "Iz, you okay? Need you to speak to me," you squeezed his shoulder slightly. Even tired, Izzy could hear the almost desperate and guilt edge to your voice.

"m'fine," Izzy murmured, "bandage it later."

You checked to make sure that the wound wasn't bleeding again, and thankfully he wasn't. Then you guided him back to lean against the wall that the cot was pushed up against, letting the wall prop him up instead of your body.

You moved to kneel in front of him, checking him over once more. He seemed to be coming around a little more now, easing out of whatever haze he had been under.

"Seriously, I'm fine. Just tired, stop fussing," even now, Izzy managed to roll his eyes at you.

"Eat and drink, then I'll let you sleep," you ordered, leaving the cot to grab the rations Izzy had placed on his desk.

You poured a cup of water and picked up the snacks before returning to his side. You handed him the biscuits and he ate them before you made sure he finished the cup of water. You offered him another but he decided, letting you return the empty cup to the desk.

"I...thank you, Izzy. You didn't have to do this," you stood beside the cot, looking down at him, trying not to stare at the reddened mark on his neck.

"It's fine," he insisted.

"Iz, I...are you sure you're alright? Do you need anything? Just say the word, I'll handle it. And, of course, you never have to do this again," despite his continued protested, you got right back to fussing over him. You just couldn't help it.

"Shut the fuck up," Izzy groaned, so you did, giving him a slightly apologetic look. "I'm fine, just need some sleep. I won't let you go hungry if I'm available, I don't mind."

With a small sigh, you sat back down on the edge of the cot. "...used to see this whole thing as a curse, y'know? Got used to it, haven't minded it for a long time. It made me stronger, faster, I could protect the crew. I had raids to help me feed, didn't need to worry about hurting anyone who didn't deserve it or wasn't going to die anyway. But this was the one thing I was always afraid of," you confessed.

"What?"

"Hurting somebody I care about."

Something fluttered in Izzy's chest before he came to your defence. "I told you to."

"I know but I still didn't have too and, fuck, Izzy, I...I'm sorry," you apologised, suddenly overcome with the worry that he had regretted it. With your hunger gone, your guilt could take over.

"Don't fucking apologise," Izzy demanded with authority, but he lacked any real bite. He wasn't really angry.

"But-"

"I liked it."

The words hung in the silence of the cabin, Izzy refusing to expand on his confession while you just processed it.

"What?" you frowned, turning your body to face him.

"I liked it, alright? Didn't know that I would, just knew you had to feed, but I liked it," he sighed, head thudding back against the wall.

"Oh...okay," you nodded slowly. You knew it would feel good when you were drinking, but he seemed to enjoy the whole thing.

"...fuck, is that weird?" Izzy asked, turning his face away as you watched the colour slowly return to him, creeping up his neck.

"No," you smiled, your voice soft and reassuring, "no, it's not weird."

Izzy nodded, looking relieved. He was too tired and loose feeling to properly hide his reactions. "So, if you need it again, I'll be here," he told you, not leaving room for argument.

"Can you do one more thing for me?" you asked, shifting closer to him.

"What?" he looked you up and down but didn't seem cautious or hesitant.

"Let me look after you until you're feeling better?" Izzy looked more unsure about that request than about letting you literally drink his blood. He could be an absolutely fascinating man. "Please?" you weren't above begging, not when you suddenly felt so protective over him.

"Alright, just don't fuss too much," Izzy muttered, a pinkish colour coming to his cheeks now. He was recovering well. "Just want to fucking sleep."

"Then go to sleep, I'll be right here," you promised.

Izzy shifted on the bed, not bothering to pull his pants off before laying down. He pulled the blanket up over his waist, sinking his head into the pillow.

You slowly lay down behind him, shuffling a little closer. "This okay?" you asked gently, not touching him until you got an answer.

"Yeah," facing away from you, Izzy allowed himself a sleepy little smile.

You pressed up against his back then and draped an arm around his waist, holding him as he rested. Izzy let out a heavy breath as he melted back into your now warm body.

You nuzzled against the back of his neck, leaning up to press a light kiss over the fresh bite mark, before settling down with him. Izzy let out a soft hum of approval as his breathing steadied out, finding sleep.

Tightening your hold on him ever so slightly, you couldn't help but wonder; were you feeling protective or were you feeling possessive?

[dragonotaku-justineverything]

How does Jaune react to being called Submissive and Breedable by Velvet?

Jaune stared at the usually timid bunny faunus in shock. "....w-what...?"

A rare confident smirk was on the older girl's lips as she looked at Jaune. "Did I fockin' studda mate? Ya looking pretty submissive and breedable!"

Her response only served to leave Jaune more confused. "...uuuuh..."

"She's in heat." Her team leader Coco spoke up, appearing behind the rabbit faunus. "Just roll with it buddy. She gets pretty.... assertive when it comes around."

Velvet glanced back at her leader nonchalantly. "Just claimin' wots mine Coco."

Coco quickly shot a smile at Velvet before looking back to Jaune. "Don't mind the accent either, it just gets like this too. Honestly it's kind of cute, especially when she's mortified about it when heat week ends." Coco covered her mouth with a hand as she started to snicker.

Velvet wasn't too appreciative of that. "Oi Coco, could d'ya nick off fer a bit, I want to be alone with Jaune fer a bit."

"Bun-Bun, you asked me not to leave you alone rememb-"

"And now I'm askin' ya to fuck off, or say good bye to your second dresser..."

Coco was silent for a minute, before backing off with her hands up in surrender. "You two have fun. Try not to break him Bun-Bun."

Jaune stared off after what he didn't realize was his only hope of being saved as she walked away. His attention was turned back to Velvet as she got very, very close very quickly. She was pressed up against him, confident smirk still in place, as she draped her arms around his neck. "How 'bout I show you just how breedable I can be for ya myself luv~?"

How the bloody hell do you write an Australian accent?!?! To any followers or fans I might have in Australia, I'm so sorry... I just genuinely have no idea what I'm doing!

[ventrue-in-control]

aye sure.

so its like late 70s rite. Just got like picked up by big media. started to get like actual intrest in my work. I like started setting up my whole buiz and had to do interviews and got invited to like all these shows and parties. like best and most nerve wrecking part of my life. It was like. a lot. too much for like a young me to handle. I was like 20? 22? I had no clue what I was doing mate. So I got myself an assistant. or well a manager really. her job was to get me prepped for whatever I needed to do. Shed make sure Id be up on time. that my interviews were ready that my clothers were ready etc etc. she also helped a looot with marketing. got me big deals. like. big big deals. shes how I got talking to henny actually. but I believe henny knew me already from before that. however, doesnt matter.

what matters is that she was always there for me. and she cared. or atleast pretended to. and we would like hang outside of work and she was well quite forward. eventually she asked me like out on a date and like I agreed! first like real date even. but I learned... as time went on she would use that like against me? ya know? itd become "I know u dont wanna do this deal but what if you do it for us?" or some bs like that. just small pushes to make more money. It was like she controlled me entire life. which really she did. and honestly, I hated it. I realized what was happening when my head was already under water. but Im build dif. I was na gonna let nobody fockin use me for me money. so I fired her after keeping track of all her contacts and just learning how she did her work. ever since Ive been managing shit bymyself.

Now that I like think bakc on it its like really obvious. but a lad getting attention in a world that was changing so fast? well I dont blame myself focussing on a constant. just regret the shit I agreed to before I realized I was merely being used. eh. in the end tho me and her wouldnt have been a thing anyways. She was soooo not what I needed. god its so dumb. she like pulled me away from my friends too. ergh. loves dumb dec. trust me. Henry and me. hell. were still working on things. figuring shit out. many things are still unsaid. and like. thats okay. cuz we aint in no hurry. I mean. weve been friends for like coming up on 3 years now? but shits hard. complex. and takes time.

you barely know achilles mate. ure na in love. uve fallen on ya head. But u got good friends. who look out for ya. folk dat care. and theyll help ya back on ur feet even when u whine bout it

[Private] Hey. You wouldn't like,,, turn away from me completely, right? Not without warning.

I wouldnt turn away from ya unless ud like fuck me over or break the simple rules we have. whyyyy???? declan ure like a son to me. Im na gonna go out to buy milk.

[ravenadottir]

headcanons: shannon

♣ sunglasses collection. to play or to go out, it doesn’t matter. they’ll bully you any time.

♣ impeccable taste in patterns, mostly chanel with the black and whites.

♣ rarely wears a dress, but when she does, fuck me...

♣ playing poker in suits and heels. because she’s fucking shannon.

♣ @crvsh-culture ​ said “red cars” and i agree. can’t stop thinking about it.

♣ carries a pocket knife just to open an orange in public.

♣ was the type to smoke behind school when she was 16.

♣ it took her some time to accept her curly hair, but i’m glad she did.

♣ not much complexion makeup because she learned how to love her freckles.

♣ not too into social media but will use it for two purposes: one, raising awareness, especially about social issues, and two, to clap back. whatever it is for both cases.

♣ attracted to girls, but still doesn’t know what to do with that information.

♣ closest friend is a gay guy that people often confuse as her boyfriend. “pahaha, right. boyfriend.” “ew.” “ok, that hurts a bit.”

♣ neon lights in her flat, mostly in the living area and bedroom.

♣ power move on dates, to make sure the guy is her type: *pulls the wallet* “i got this.” if he offers to share, she calls him, anything else is out of the question.

♣ shannon doesn’t have a type to date, physical or personal. she has a type to avoid.

♣ raised in a sexist household, with brothers.

♣ she gets competitive, a little too much. about what, you ask? EVERYTHING.

♣ exercises for health. hates cardio and won’t lift. “i already don’t wanna be here. give me the bare minimum to stay healthy and that’s all i’l do.”

♣ i love picturing her being friends with lucas, carl and kassam.

♣ i also love picturing her being friends with gary and making snarky comments about how much of a slob he is. “were you raised in a fockin’ barn, mate?”

♣ there’s more than two hair dryer diffusers in one of her drawers, at least 7 curls products, besides the cotton t-shirts in her bathroom. to whoever asks: “if you know, you know.”

♣ “i’m a grown ass woman and i’ll eat as much as i want. i fockin’ paid for it.”

♣ but the way she loves intricate lingerie is not even funny. and the way she looks in them is... why wasn’t she a li again??

♣ “i guess if i’m attracted to a girl there’s no point in saying ‘never’.”

♣ can’t stand musicals. tolerates “rock of ages” and that’s about it.

♣ will cry with ballet though.

♣ knows basic cooking but rarely does it,

♣ never had any other hair colors.

♣ didn’t like any of the casa amor girls, but respected blake’s strategy. at the beach hut: “i reckon she’s playing the right game here, and if that guarantees her a spot, who am i to say no? we’re in a game.”

♣ the cool aunt to her friends’ kids.

♣ knows a couple of card tricks but doesn’t tell anyone.

♣ likes it rough. i said what i said.

♣ can’t stand taking care of long hair. won’t let it grow.

[ventrue-in-control]

because he KILLED YOU????????? OR DID U LIKE FORGET THAT??????? dont you remember what happened in the junkyard? cuz I sure do. he left you to die in fockin paris? thats like soooooooooo against the masquerade. are you totally brainwashed mate!? give that back oi! [Jackie reaches for the phone]

@ventrue-in-control [Private]

What.

[thereareangels]

Kiss of Life - Part Four

--[Fang and Ivan are on Izzy in a flash as a bullet whizzes by Stede and Ed and cracks into the railing of the ship]--

Izzy: [screams in self righteous madness, struggling against his crew mates] "NO!! I'M ENDING IT!!- GERROFF!!- HE'S FOCKIN'-! He's POISON!!- NO!!- LEMME-!!"

Ed: [Clouded over, deathly as thunder] "..... You're poison.." [Staring sightlessly at the deck, fists clenched in unbridled rage]

Stede: [extremely concerned] "What?"

Ed: [Seems to fly from kneeling in front of Stede to Towering over Izzy, directly in his personal space, nearly nose to nose, quiet yet completely threatening] "YOU'RE poison! YOU'VE done this to me! For years and years and yearsAndFuckin'YEARS!!! Everyday, a little dose.. Every turn, a course correction.. Every happiness, STRIPPED away! Until I was JUST as sad, lonely, pathetic and MISERABLE as YOU!!"

Izzy: [Still not fazed, defensive] "I SAVED you.."

Ed: [Hysterically and now loudly] "YOU KILLED ME!! EVERYTHING I AM IS A CORPSE OF WHAT I COULD HAVE BEEN! JUST A PUPPET OF BLOOD AND BONE BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T HACK IT AS A CAPTAIN, SO YOU MADE ME PLAY THE PART!"

Izzy: [Refusing to give in, but struggling, shaking his head] "You would have died.."

Ed: "WELL MAYBE I WANTED TO DIE!!!!"

--[Very pained silence as Ed paces around a few steps then returns to face Izzy again]--

Ed: [Back to quietly menacing] "Did you ever think of that maybe?.. Maybe I chose this life- Maybe I joined a crew- Maybe I threw myself into it because I WANTED death?"

Izzy: [Cracks forming in his facade, maybe even teary] "Yes. Everyday."

Ed: "Then why not let me?"

Izzy: "I- I couldn't. I wouldn't. You're-.. You're too- important."

Ed: [Dripping with sarcasm] "Oh yeah??, to whom?"

Izzy: [Avoidant] "The world-"

Ed: [Pissed, not having it] "Nah uh- No-"

Izzy: "-The Crew would be lost without-"

Ed: "-Fuckin' lies- Fuckin' lies- That's all you DO is FUCKING!! LIE!-"

Izzy: "-TO ME!" [silence as he musters a brave face] "You're.. You're important.. to- me.."

Stede: [Finally realizing why he's 'not so secretly' held a grudge against Izzy for so long] "...Oh my God.."

Ed: [Nodding, viciously satisfied] "Yeah.." [Turns to Stede, pointing at Izzy] "This Fucker proposed to me once!"

--[Izzy turns a shade redder than the heart on Ed's flag and everyone is SHOOK]--

Ed: "Y'see that little ring dingly dangling from his stupid bloody neck tie?"

Stede: [Full shock gasp]

Ed: "Yeah." [Turns back to Izzy] "Just couldn't take no for an answer." [Looks to Ivan and Fang] "Take him to the brig, would ya, boys? Oh, and release Frenchie and Jim before y' stick'm in there."

Ivan & Fang: [Still half in a daze from all that's happened] "Y-yes, Captain.. [Drags Izzy off to the brig]

Ed: [Super charged and fumimg, storms off to The Captain's Quarters without another word]

Stede: "...Ed?" [Gets up from the deck and follows]

[rebel6301]

toinoight on tactical geare

i drive a silent ele-electric APC

gr3ase uses a fockin toilet

and H a r o l d commits arson

warning: show budget does not exceed 23 chuck e cheese tokens

good evening ladies and gents our sponsors today are H&K (just kidding they would never sponsor us) p[romo code revving my homemade armoured car tonoight

(laughter)

today we will be reviweing on of a kin tank that has fucking uhh 5.45 gigahertz of revving boom sound goesu p to the fuaking i dont know 88 milimeters per every time i find a proper respectable human being in this world

(wheezing)

helo mate we're going to ubnnigns you want anything? (incomprehensible chanting from Harold)

oi love you posh dickhead you combgfhfgh.tfhg.. give me ciggie innit shit bloke fuking.. uhh.

OQ yro'ue are drunk again get rest

rebl you tiny man where is the silent ele-electric APC

gone crashed into harold's car mate

rebel you sodding tic tac this was the silent ele-electric APC\

call 999 my focking silent ele-electric APC's being on fire mate

harodl im have crac addiction ia m die

rbel i have to write the divorce papers i cagnfg.. hghg..

dont hav petrolum hralold

tody on tacticool gear what happens when taste exhoost foome from tank

k ill have a whiff

'ery noice

no rebel,car gad bas for helf

(wheezing and coughing) sHut uP (laughing and coughing)

cock

shut up gr3ase

the esped is a lot mate

weed

silent ele-electric APC

feet

tactical gea- (wheezing and laughter)

[funkymeihem-fiction]

Honeydew Cha

(A 5k commission done for https://pandaioh.tumblr.com/ Thank you so much for your support!)

“Can’t believe this. Can’t even bloody believe this. Thought I was dating the smartest girl in the world, and here I come t’find out she doesn’t even know what ‘vacation’ means.” Junkrat wrinkled his nose, already smeared in sunscreen and dented by his oversized sunglasses. “Well here’s what it means, love. It means fucking off! We’ve fucked off from Overwatch and finally got time all to us here in Oz. It means we got weeks of leave for our very own pleasure, and we’re supposed to spend it drinking, rooting, or at the beach. It’s supposed to be those four things!”

“That’s three things,” Mei’s voice said from behind the changing screen.

“And here I am, ready for bonding at Bondi and this is how you do me! I’ve already got all our things- towels, blankets, umbrella, esky. Even got my trunks and hat and thong on—”

“Your what on?”

“My shoe, Mei! You know, pluggers, flip-flop shoes. I mean, with the peg I only have the one. Did you think I meant the other kind of thong? Because ‘strewth, I’ll go put one of those on too, if it’ll get you to come to the beach with me!”

“Please do not!” She made no move to come out from the screen and seemed unmoved by his fits. “Besides, I told you I wanted to do other things than just lounge at the beach all day. I got the idea when we were out walking the other night and I think this might be really good for me. And I think you’ll change your tune when I tell you the rest of my plans.”

“What’s to tell? You snuck out and got a bloody job while we’re on vacation at the shore! Got this nice vacay cabin all to ourselves, just steps away from the surf and sand, and you’re not gonna appreciate it. My very fave girl is on holiday with me, and she wants to spend it working?! And they say I’m the mad one?”

Her voice gained a sing-song quality, lilting in tone. “I still think you’re going to liiiiike it! Just give me one more moment and you’ll see.”

“Unless you’re coming out of there with surprise lacies on, I doubt I’m gonna—”

The screen shuffled aside and Junkrat squinted, suddenly unsure about things. Mei definitely was not wearing a brand new set of lingerie all for him, but what she was wearing was certainly enough to give him pause. He recognized it almost at once too: the green sweater vest and matching visor, the little ruffled yellow apron, the polka dot socks, the cheerful winking mascot…and those jean shorts that rode up so high on those nice wide thighs were certainly nothing to be ignored, he especially appreciated that particular part of her uniform. Her new job’s uniform.

“Honeydew Cha? You’re working at Honeydew Cha?” He lingered forward, rubbing at his chin and inspecting her. “Arright, love, you got me interested.”

“I told you!” She flashed him a little smirk. “And I know you might think it’s a little crazy to get a job while I’m on vacation, but… I think it might be good for me? I like spending time at the beach with you and Mr. Roadhog, I really do, but I want to do more than just linger around on the sand all day. I think I want to meet people and talk to everyone and learn new things and…” She suddenly faltered, gaze downcast. “And I used to be a tea waitress back while I was still studying. I remember it being really fun? And then I graduated and went away…and then I was…gone…nine years…”

Junkrat was already upon her, long arms wrapping about her new uniform and rumpling her nice green sweater as he nuzzled at her hair and snorted air into her ear with his pointed nose. She yelped aloud and pushed at him, but it had served to distract her. He plucked at her apron with his mechanical hand curiously. “Getting a job at all though? Is it because of money? I got cash to spare! Tell me what it is you need and I’ll get it! Whatever you want, darl!”

“It’s really not about money, honest. I just want to do something normal. I woke up and everything was so strange, and Overwatch was different and the world was different and the climate is getting worse and my friends are all in trouble and maybe it would be okay if I just did this for a little while and forgot about it all? I could serve tea and chat with customers and not worry about everything, and maybe I could feel like I used to, before everything happened. It’s just simple and nice. Like it could just be tapioca pearls and fruit poppers and people being happy drinking their tea and just being…normal. Does that make sense?”

“Nah,” he blurted out, before noticing her crestfallen expression. He frowned, chin jutting as he tilted his head to rest atop her visor. “I mean! Uh, I guess I dunno what all that’s like. But if that’s what ya wanna do? ‘Course I’m not gonna stop you from working. Just don’t understand why you wanna spend your vacation at work.”

“I like working. I think this will be fun. And this is just a little seasonal part-time sort of thing, just to help the shop for the big holiday vacationer rush. I saw the Help Wanted ad and the owner seemed really grateful for the extra hand. Plus…” She rolled onto the balls of her feet, folding her arms behind her and staring upward coyly. “I mean, if you don’t want me using the Honeydew Cha employee discount…?”

Rat gave her an affronted look before snickering aloud. “You trying to bribe me with free boba, you little tart?”

“Milk tea, half sweet, extra pearls! Just how you like it?”

“Huh. Tempting, tempting. Can I bring in my own container and fill ‘er up? Swear it, I’ll drink it straight out of a bucket. I mean, it would definitely not be the first time I’ve drank some stuff I found straight out of a bucket—”

“Ew, Jamie.”

“Okay. Okay. I’ll try not t’let my feelings be hurt when I’m all by my lonesome at the beach. But I got conditions. One— you abuse the hell out of the free boba thing whenever we want. I’m talking Super Gulp American Size! Two— I get to fuck you in full honeydew uniform. With the pony and polka dot socks still on and everything.”

“That’s strange, but okay,” she said, pulling herself to the tips of her toes to kiss his chin. “But not right now, because I’m going in for my first shift! I’ll see you this evening, okay? And I’ll bring you a boba tea every night I work.”

“You better! You got a deal, darl!”

 ***

Serving boba tea and customer service was a lot different than how she remembered it. Maybe it was just being in Australia? Or had boba tea changed since then? Or had she just gotten older and everything really was just that different from however she remembered this job, from so many years ago. The customers seemed a little grumpier, the machines weren’t the ones she had learned to work, her co-workers were no longer the same age as her, and everything just seemed a little harder than what she’d thought.

She’d been at this little job at Honeydew Cha for a few weeks now, much to Junkrat’s irritation, but it was only for a few hours a day. He tended to lighten up a little when she placated him with a steady stream of all sorts of different tea flavors and treats every time he stopped by…and Roadhog hadn’t cared one way or the other, but she brought him entire bags of leftover pastries after the day was done and he always thanked her anyway. Even then, before each and every shift, Junkrat bothered her to drop everything and go to the beach with him.

But now their vacation time was dwindling and her side job was coming to a close anyway. At least she’d been able to help out the Honeydew Cha during its busiest season. There had been a steady stream of customers all afternoon as the temperature soared and overheated beach-goers ducked inside for air conditioning and cold drinks. Most of them had been quite pleasant, the Australian boardwalk crowd being so infamous for their laid-back attitudes and surf culture.

But there were always the outliers…

It was a group of six: five boys and a single girl, all in their teens or early twenties. None of them bore the mechanical limbs or robotic enhancements of the Outback’s junker clans, but something about their countenance made Mei just as wary of them. Their leader seemed to be the largest of them and was almost as tall as Junkrat himself, though built wider, with spiked black hair and a jacket despite the hot weather. The scraggly lone girl clung to him and giggled in his ear, whispering as he pulled out his wallet and counted out money for her tea. When Mei smiled at them and offered to take their order, the girl glared at her and pulled him closer.

They made their orders with no trouble and they paid, but Mei kept an eye on them all the same, as they loitered in one of the booths and talked and laughed too loudly. She could ignore them at first, but their conversation quickly turned crude and sexual in no time at all.  Mei could do little but keep one ear out as she leaned down to check the syrup pumps and count their cups. As the group drained their boba and popped pearls between their teeth, things took a turn for the disgusting.

“Anyhow, that’s why I had to leave that party real fast. Turns out she had a boyfriend.”

“What, the scrag you went upstairs with? That was a fockin’ thing to walk in on. You going at it, with the fat one with the pockmarked arse?”

“Oi. Barely fatter than the ricer they got working the counter here, mate.”

Mei’s heart dropped, freezing mid-stack and staying very still for a moment. Her throat suddenly felt very tight, but she swallowed the feeling down and forced herself to move again, continuing to unpack the cups. So what if that group were being jerks over at that table. Jerks were temporary, and they’d be leaving soon. Those jerks. She just had to let it pass, and breathe, and ignore them…

The voices continued, and even though she knew she shouldn’t, Mei listened.

“She ain’t that bad for one. I’d fuck her. Nice big tits. Bigger tits than yours.”

“What the hell! Fuck you.”

“Ay, you’d fuck anything, mate. Even an omnic. Fuckin’ root rat.”

“Fuck off.”

“She’s prettier than the one at the slope shop on your road. Heh. Go ask her out on a date? Give her a tip and then give her the tip, ay! You can have kids that look like this.”

When Mei dared to peek through the little slit between the top and bottom counter, she already knew what she would see. Sure enough, the group were pulling their eyelids shut, pinching them upwards and making grotesque parodies of their faces. She felt her chest lurch again in a potent mixture of anger, sorrow, and even a tinge of pity. But how dare they! How dare they! She should march right over there and tell them off for being such bullies, for being so—

But could she risk it? The owner of the shop might get angry at her for antagonizing the customers, even the rude ones. And she had been having a nice time before that, just serving boba and treats like in the old days. She couldn’t let it get to her, no matter how awful they were being. Best to just wait them out until they left.

Unfortunately for her, they seemed to have no intention of leaving. They carried on, discussing loudly what sexual positions that they had planned for her and wondered as to her cup size. Mei did her best to stay out of sight, and wished she’d had Snowball and her endothermic blaster with her. That would shut them up, all right. Maybe if she built a new blaster very quickly out of the boba chiller in the back…?

“What about the other girl? The skinny ginger with the sunburn?” One of the boys wondered aloud.

Mei felt her temper flare anew, head jerking up to where said ‘sunburnt ginger’ was working unawares in front of a fruit slicing machine. That girl was one of her younger co-workers, still in her teens, a softspoken local who had admitted to Mei that she had hoped this job would help her get over her shyness. And now that group of boys was targeting her too.

“Wot, that one? Yeah, I seen her here before. No tits or arse on that one, though.”

“Wonder if she’s sunburnt all over? Heh.”

“You know what they say about gingers, mate? They say down th—”

CLACK.

She could ignore it when they targeted her, but she wasn’t about to let it happen to that girl or anyone else in her charge. Mei slammed the empty stack of cups onto the counter with a clatter, swinging open the little door as she went marching straight towards them as all heads turned her way. No matter her cheerfully goofy outfit with the frills and ruffles and polka dots, she descended on the group like a thunderstorm, her jaw set and her eyes narrowed.

“Tíng xiàlái! Excuse me but you need to stop this instant! These awful things you’re saying, you need to stop.” She tried to loom over them as best she could despite her height, little white gloves clenching into fists. “In fact, I think you need to leave! Right now!”

For a moment, silence reigned in the Honeydew Cha as every patient turned to watch the tiny woman in the bubble tea waitress uniform confront an entire pack of Aussie goons. Even the group seemed startled at first, though it rapidly changed to confusion, annoyance, and anger. The girl was the first to react, shooting her a sneering grin and urging the boys on as she wrapped her arms around the largest boy’s arm and shook him to action.

“Leave off, we haven’t done anything wrong! We don’t have to go anywhere!” she said.

The boy snorted and took another swig of his drink. “Dunno why you’re so worked up about what we said, none of it was that bad.”

“No! You need to leave the premises at once!” Mei said, pointing to the door. “If you have a problem, you can call our Honeydew Cha headquarters, I’m sure they’d love to hear from you. But you are not staying here after that. Leave!”

There was an answering array of snickers and insults, but when Mei narrowed her gaze and stared them down, they finally stirred and began to drag themselves upright. Muttering insults and shooting her nasty looks, they finally began to head to the door. Passing by the counter at the front, they headed for the exit…only for the girl to suddenly launch to the side, seizing the jar that had been set by the register. The jar had been decorated with post-it notes and drawings that Mei had made herself, with little cartoons of her yeti doodle thanking them for the tips.

With that day having been busier than ever, it was brimming with tips. Coins and bills filled it nearly to the brim where they simply hadn’t had the chance to empty it. Some of the coins went bouncing away as the girl slung it under one arm, laughed and gave her the finger, and then broke into a run as all the boys followed after her. In a sudden stampede, they nearly broke the door open as they fled.

“Hey!” Mei flung herself after them, but it was too late. She stumbled to a stop at the open door, yelling after them. “That’s our tip jar!”

Hoots and jeers answered her.

“What, you wanted us to leave!”

“Thanks for the tea, you chunky-arse cunt!”

“I got a tip for you right here!”

One of the boys made a very offensive gesture at her with both hands.

“Hey! Hey! You get back here this instant! You can’t—!” Mei lingered there in the open doorway, unable to continue. She wasn’t about to leave her younger cohorts alone in the shop, and without Snowball or her weapons to back her up, there was no way she could take on an entire group like them if things went south. She could only watch as her team’s hard-earned tips got further away in the hands of those goons, their laughter fading as they slowed to a walk, when they saw her unable to chase them. She bit her lip and sniffled, and had just started to close the door in abject defeat when a shadow fell across her.

“Oi! S’wrong, love? What’s going on?”

She whirled about, to where Junkrat suddenly stood above her. “Oh, Jamie! Those awful people just robbed us!! They made a mess and caused trouble and took the jar and they were…” Her expression fell. “They were saying very awful things…About us. About me.”

His face darkened, glancing up to where the group was laughing and walking away, the stolen jar still under one arm. Even if it wasn’t the jar that really concerned him. “You? Saying things ‘bout you? What kinda things?”

His suspicions were confirmed when Mei looked down, refusing to meet his gaze. “It was bad…I don’t want to repeat…”

“Oh yeah?” He asked, voice suddenly too airy. “Well, my tea can wait. Lemme just go see about that jar…and see if maybe I can’t get ‘em to rethink talking to you like that.” He started off, peg leg clacking, and made a strange gesture to Roadhog. The larger man only nodded and peeled off into the crowd, heading in the opposite direction.

Mei watched him go, leaning further and further out the door, still unable to follow. “Jamie, wait! Wait, don’t blow anyone up! Please! I-I’m fine, see! No matter what they said, I’m fine! We can make more tips! Jamie!”

But he was already gone.

 ***

The gang of goons turned a corner, still celebrating their victory as the girl passed the stolen tip jar to her boyfriend to start counting out. Wasn’t a bad take, especially since it had irked that Chinese lady so much. Heading down an alleyway, littered with dumpsters and bins from the nearby shops and restaurants, they began to talk over their plans for dinner. The tip jar would more than pay for all of them, after all.

Over the sound of their chattering, the clicking and clacking of a peg-legged gait sounded behind them. Junkrat, smiling maniacally as ever, had found and followed them. At a leisurely pace, he started tailing after them, giggling the entire way before finally hooting aloud for their attentions.

“Hey mates! How ya goin!”

The others were none too keen on his appearance, their leader lingering behind to scoff at him.

“The fuck’s a junker doing out here? Lost your way home to the landfill? Oi, need directions to the nearest bin?”

The entire group laughed, and Junkrat abruptly began shrilling his wild laugh along with them. Cackling like a hyena, he bent over and slapped at both his knees with a thud and a clank, before his head jerked upright, yellow eyes alight and lips stretching open in his mad grin. “Ahahaha! Good one, mates! Haha! A trash bin! Ya sure got me! Imagine! Hahaha! A junker and his bins!”

His laughter only rose in pitch and ferocity. They scowled at that, and their leader snorted and flicked a cigarette in his direction, turning to lead his lackeys off along the other length of alleyway. “Fockin’ junkers, ay, radiation-rotted in the brains. Dunno what this city’s comin’ to. C’mon, let’s go—”

“Now hold on, mates! Hold on!” Rat hobbled after them with his uneven limp. “C’mon, I appreciate a good sense of humor much as anyone. Heh, junkers belonging in the bin! Absolute classic. And…say, you know any other real good ones?”

“The fuck you w—”

“Ya know. Maybe about nice ladies working in boba shops, with a ponytail and glasses, Chinese accent? That sweet girl in the green uniform what you’ve had some real choice remarks about. That girl. My girl.” His grin tightened, teeth scraping so hard that they nearly sparked. “How about it! Ya had any real rippers about my girl? Ya wanna tell them to me right now?”

There was a long pause from the other group, glancing to one another before the leader finally snorted and went skulking down the alley more. “Ah, fuck off.”

“C’mon now, let’s all be mates! I just wanna know what you said to my Mei!” Rat said, still following them. “Just tell me what you said to her. And normally I got no qualms at all about taking money that’s just laying out there in perfectly good jars, but… Well y’see, that’s my girl’s money, right there. So you gotta give it back too.”

That made the whole group turn upon him, and several of the larger ones began to advance to back up their leader, standing until they were shoulder to shoulder. Junkrat found himself faced with an entire little crowd of bogans that were nearly as large as he was, and significantly more aggressive. Several of them were already reaching for the batons and knives he knew they were carrying. But still he didn’t back down, and his grin didn’t even waver as he faced them head-on.

“Now this is normally something that I don’t do, but because my girl’s involved and she’s a real sweet sort, I’m gonna give you a choice between easy way or hard way. Now the easy way is, you fucks are gonna go apologize to my girl first of all, and give back what you took from her. Easy squeezy! Or you can choose the hard w—”

The lead man moved, his hand launching out from his belt and holding a glint of metal. The knife slashed through the air, narrowly missing the junker’s lanky frame.

There was a blur of movement, followed by the sickening hollow crack of bone against bone. The top of Junkrat’s thick skull slammed full force into the man’s forehead, splitting skin and crunching cartilage as part of his nose dented inward, and took part of a socket with it. He staggered backward as the knife went spinning out of his grasp, stunned, eyes rolling in several directions before he collapsed against a nearby wall and clutched at his face with a shout. His mates surged forward to aid him, holding him up before he could fall any further.

“Hard way it is!” Rat reared up to his full height, blood trickling a sticky trail down along his grinning features, outlining his wild smile where every tooth was bared, yellow eyes alight.  “You’re choosin’ to scrap with a junker?! Good choice, mates! Oi, Roadie! They chose the hard way!”

The other group had just begun to rally, their leader balling his fists and starting to square up with the lanky junker across from him, when there was a low rumble from the shadows at the other end of the alleyway. Amongst the piles of garbage and dumpsters, an immense shape turned its head and began to lift out of the background. The pig-masked behemoth loomed above them, one tree-trunk-thick arm uncurling with a viciously curved metal hook in his hand. Slowly advancing towards the scene, he let the sharpened tip drag along the wall, screeching and spitting sparks as it went.

Junkrat cackled from the other end of the chokepoint. With a metallic clatter, he slammed a fistful of grenades into the weapon he suddenly sported in one hand, aimed right at them. The group of hooligans found themselves penned in between the two junkers, one armed with explosives and the other…a veritable monster that was headed their way.

“Oi!” Still grinning and with his face covered in blood, Rat whistled jovially to catch their attention. “You still don’t wanna apologize to my girl? Then how ‘bout you make it up to her.”

“We didn’t mean nothing by it, ay!”

“Swear, it was nothing!”

“How we gonna—”

“SHUT!” Rat shrilled, lifting his grenade launcher as they shrank back. “You’re gonna drop your money and everything what you got…and if you don’t feel like droppin’ em, then my mate would be happy to uh, give you a sort of pat-down? And I gotta warn you, he’s got a reputation for playin’ a bit rough. Ain’t that right, Roadie?”

Roadhog rumbled dangerously, and the group shrunk into an ever-smaller circle. The girl was the first to crack, audibly starting to cry even as she upended her purse and began tossing her belongings onto the filthy ground. Among them was the crumpled bills from the shop’s tip jar. Following her lead, wallets and jewelry and credits and other bits and pieces began to shower down onto the pavement, and even their foul-tempered leader soon tossed his wallet and cards onto the ground before Hog’s spiked boots.

“That’s all of it, mate, swear.”

“We’re gonna go, we’re gonna go.”

“No harm, ay? We’ll fuck off.”

Junkrat’s gaze darted downward before he snorted aloud, nodding sharply to Roadhog before his blood-smeared grin eased and he cheerfully stepped to the side, waving them forward with his gun. “See! Glad we got all that sorted out. And if me and Roadie see you cunts lurking anywhere within boba’s reach of that shop, well… Let’s just say that Roadie’s got a real temper on him and I dunno if I’d be able to stop the big lug. In fact…seems he might be in a bit of a mood right now. Go on, then, start runnin’.”

They took their chance, bolting forward just as Roadhog’s gargantuan form suddenly broke into a run. Scraping his hook against the brick, he hurled the wicked metal thing forward in a rattle of chains, blurring forward just as the group scattered at the alley’s mouth and dispersed into all directions, their screams trailing after them. Silence soon returned to the little alleyway, and Hog took up his place guarding the entry while his younger partner began picking through the offerings left behind.

 ***

“Order number 342! Passionfruit Sunset, oolong milk tea, berry matcha!”

Mei didn’t have time to worry about that pack of hoodlums. It was just before closing now, with only a lingering handful of people waiting for the last orders and she had been so distracted by trying to keep up that she’d nearly been able to forget that group of awful people… Almost. She just had to focus on this last stretch before closing. The kitchen was splattered with syrups and flavorings, loose pearls rolled about the ground or burst under her feet, and she was starting to forget which flavors went with which colors.

“Taro milk tea and a lychee with peach poppers!” She started the blenders for the hundredth time that day, only pausing to try and slide the visor back up her sweaty forehead and adjust her crooked glasses. Her feet were staring to ache and her smile was starting to fade, but her crew was counting on her to see them through and she wasn’t about to let everyone down. Maybe she could try to refill the tip jar with her own money today, too? She couldn’t let them down…

No matter how tired she was, she immediately stood to attention when a familiar voice joined the throng of customer conversation. It was just one Australian accent among many, but the screeching tone of it, followed by the sudden movement of everyone away from the door heralded Rat’s entrance. He limped in with the telltale k-thud k-thud of his peg, and immediately sashayed right to the front of the (suddenly dispersed) line and threw down his bag and leaned on the top of the counter in his most roguish pose.

“Hey, babe! Gimme your biggest bucket of half-sweet, and then you can give me a full sweet, right here!” He tapped his cheek and leaned down as if for a kiss. “And then, you can give me a—”

“J-Jamison! Hi!” She interrupted just as he was about to make a lewd gesture, waving both hands before lowering her voice. ”Oh no, is that blood on  your forehead? Please tell me you didn’t hurt anybody over a silly tip jar?”

He quickly wiped away the trickles of red that he’d missed earlier. “What do you take me for! Not to worry. Barely even a scratch, maybe a bruise or two. They’re lucky Roadie and I didn’t hook ‘em and cook ‘em. Nah, gave them a spook was all. Swear it.”

“Just so long as nobody got hurt, please?” She sighed, pushing her sweaty hair back once more. “Well, I guess scaring them is okay…they were being pretty awful. And the things they said! And stealing the tips from my team! Just awful, they were being total…Um.”

“Cunts?”

“No, no, I’m not saying that. What’s Australian, something kind of mean but nicer than that?”

“Galahs. Dipsticks. Drongos.”

“Yes! They were being real drongos!” she said with a little smile, before passing him his milk tea, half sweet, just how he liked.

“Thanks, darl. Well isn’t that fine service. Oi, ladies and gents, isn’t that just the finest boba service you ever did see?!” He turned upon the little crowd in the waiting area, and received a few hesitant agreements and nervous laughter. Nodding to himself, he ripped open his pack and reached both arms into it, rummaging about. “Best Honeydew Cha I been to all day, and I think that deserves a tip!”

He produced her stolen smiley-faced jar from the bag and began digging out entire handfuls of cash, credits, and random little jewels and metal bits, stuffing them inside. When that was filled past the brim, he began snatching at cups and cramming them full as well, pushing them across the counter to the stunned boba shop staff. Tucking the last few dollars into a sample cup while they tried to handle the sudden deluge of tip money, he placed both hands on his hips and watched the chaos in an extremely self-satisfied way.

“Oh. And they also send you their apologies for the things what they said to you, by the by. Hope this’ll cover it.”

“W-where did you even get—” Mei sputtered, then turned upon him with that uniquely accusatory smile. “You know something, I’m not even mad that you probably beat up those bullies. Maybe they’ll learn to be nicer. I’m giving you a pass this time. And you’ve really made my team happy so…” She lifted her voice again. “Okay, Honeydew Crew, thank you to Mr. Fawkes for feeling so generous today. And you all did such a great job today that I’m giving you all my share as a bonus…in exchange for you taking care of tonight’s clean-up.”

There was a chorus of agreement as she swung open the little door behind the counter, untying her apron as she looped her arm around his and passed him his favorite half-sweet tea. He grinned at her before giving her a squeeze, letting her guide him of the shop and down the boardwalk where Roadhog was waiting. For a moment, they walked together in silence as he busied himself with his tea…before he nearly spit it out all over the top of her head when he heard her sigh and grumble aloud.

“...I really wish I had gotten to punch them.”

“Ay?!”

“I know! I know it’s mean but…They were mean first,” she huffed, before giggling at his expression. “But, thank you for taking care of those no-good bullies. And for stealing everything back.”

“That’s cold! Oh, I like that from you! Uh, why don’t we leave Roadie to his lonesome and head back to the bungalow, maybe work out some of that aggression you got?” His arm wrapped about her, gripping at her side. “Whaddaya say?”

“I…think that’s a good idea, actually,” she said with a little smile. “But maybe in a little while. It’s still a nice night for a walk. Why don’t you and I go to the beach?”

[ventrue-in-control]

Horses are like... so kind? what the fuck are you on about? what kinda fockin horses do they have in murica mate?

             They're fucking WEIRD. And I didn't agree to dealing with them.