#YES i will never be a rabbi because i dont have the time or the fucking energy levels

[gaybriar]

the way i am flirting with going back to uni

[numberonecodwomenfan]

Konig is a bagel with ALL the toppings kinda guy. Cream cheese. Capers. Lox. A pickle if he's feeling fancy. Eats it like a sandwich. Horks one of these fucking beautiful breakfast masterpieces down every chance he gets (Horangi is ever so slightly disgusted by this but then he tries one and is Immediately Converted. Horangi eats the same thing except he delicate chews his way through every bite while Konig is very obviously having a religious experience per meal)

Yes on the gefilte fish being gross. Will absolutely knock your socks off with matzo ball soup. Konig's got the works. Chicken, carrots, onions, celery that melts in your mouth. Noodles. Massive matzo balls. Richest broth you've ever tasted. He makes a giant pot every Friday night for the KORTAC crew and you get to watch people literally draw blood in an attempt to score a bowl.

Somehow can eat his breakfast bagel sandwich without spilling a thing but tries to enjoy sufangoyit and is utterly unable to keep jelly off of himself. It'll be Somewhere. It's Inevitable. The price he must pay.

On his days off I know he absolutely fucks up a bowl of charoset. He's just munching and dipping with his left hand and in the other he's got the bottle of wine he used. Obviously manischewitz.

One time Horangi tried to give Konig wine bc Konig said he liked it and Konig just stares at the Distinctly Not manischewitz bottle in his hand like "oy vey what is this"

Keeps a mezuzah in the pocket most soldiers put alcohol or cigars. Taps it against the door of whatever barracks hes sleeping in when he enters the first time but never leaves it there.

Always has little tea lights that he lights on Fridays when he's deployed. Exceptionally gentle anytime a mission is on a Friday night or Saturday. He knows he has to do his job, but he's less... Bloody. On those missions. Something about putting enemies to rest rather than "taking them down" makes it. Easier.

His real name is like, something Obnoxiously Jewish. My personal true Konig name is Melech which means "king" bc it's funny if he just. Chose a codename that means his actual name.

Very rarely gets a chance to go to Temple because Job but always keeps his face Uncovered no matter how uncomfortable it makes him while there. All the Rabbi's love him because he's so willing to learn. His Babushka's rabbi refers to him as "my boy". Konig is a full foot and a half taller.

im sorry, a PICKLE???? i have never in my life seen someone put a PICKLE on a bagel. pickles are so wet??? wouldn’t it just make the bagel soggy???? i am baffled by this sorry. but also könig is a freak and a strange guy so he probably would put some crazy shit on his bagels. im a simple girl, cream cheese and lox for me (on the rare occasion i even have bagels in the house, honestly goldbergs is antisemitic for making bagels like 25 bucks a dozen. in this economy??)

gefilte fish they could never make me like you 🙏 my mom says its just a vessel for horseradish to her but then just find something better to put ur evil vegetable on

he’s so me fr (can’t eat food without spilling it because i have the coordination of a newborn giraffe)

also now im just imagining all the kortac operators fighting over soup 😭 i just know hutch is first in line, that man gives off major foodie vibes for some reason. and tbh theyre real for that, i too would fight a war for some good matzo ball soup

i didnt know people actually ate charoset (which btw i had to look up because i didnt recognize the spelling 😭 my family spells it with an h, why can none of us decide how to spell anything) outside of passover?? but tbf i dont like walnuts so i probs wouldnt anyway. but yes i agree. this man EATS. he is LARGE. HE EATS.

“oy vey what is this” HELP 😭 i think it would be so funny if someone wrote a fic where instead of randomly dropping german words into sentences, he just starts speaking yiddish 💀 i am not old enough to drink alcohol but my mom is a big fan of manischewitz so 👍

shoutout to the mezuzzah on my back door that at some point got the landlord special (we?? own the house??? and dont have a landlord???????) and is now just built into the wall. im sure thats Not Good but i didnt do it and also i never claimed to be a good jew lmao

the shabbat one :((( why would u say this to me now i’ll never get that thought out of my head 😢

i personally went with lukas for his name, but i was considering jacob before i chose (side note, can jewish parents be a LITTLE more creative when naming their kids??? i went to a jewish summer camp for a few years and you could yell “sam!” and probably 20 heads would turn). i love the idea of him having an obnoxiously jewish name though thats so silly 😭 especially because you KNOW no one would pronounce it with the throat sound at the end and it annoys him to no end

MY BOY IM SOBBINGGG 😭😭😭 i wrote a fic about könig’s childhood where i mentioned that i hc his dad left (L) so every time the rabbi calls him that he has an internal breakdown like “bro dont be weird this guy is NOT your dad”

thank u for these i have been FED

[miajolensdevotion]

Matthew 26:31-56

* Jesus Predicts Peter’s Denia

1. Compare this event to Mark 14:27-31; Luke 22:31-34. 

 a. List down what is you have observed.

Answer: Mark 14:27-31 & Luke 22:31-34 they are the same in terms of how Peter betray Jesus for 3 times

2. Have you ever denied Jesus like Peter and the others disciples did?

Answer: no I never denied Jesus like Peter & the others disciples did

 a. If yes, what have you done about it?

Answer: 

 b. If no, are you sure?

Answer; yes

* Gethsemane

1. Who did Jesus took along with Him to pray in the garden?

Answer: Jesus took along Peter & son of Zebedee with Him to pray in the garden 

2. What did Jesus prayed to the Father these three times?

Answer: to ask guidance and strength from God the Father

3. What is Jesus referring to when He asked the Father about taking away the cup?

Answer: his death on the cross for the salvation of many

4. In what Gospel account can we find about Jesus sweating drops of blood while praying intensely?

Answer: because he intensely asked God for guidance and he is seeking refuge from God the Father.

* Jesus Arrested

1. Why do you think Judas always address Jesus as “Rabbi” and not “Lord”?

Answer: Judas say to Jesus as "Rabbi" and not Lord because he really dont believe that he is the true Lord

2. What signal was used to arrest Jesus?

Answer: The signal to arrest Jesus is judas kiss Jesus.

3. In verse 50, Jesus replied “Do what you came for, friend”. Who do you think Jesus is referring as friend?

Answer: Jesus is referring that his disciples are his friend. And those who have followed the will of God, are truly the friend of God

What lesson did you learn today?

Answer: I learn today lesson is I have to take hold of Jesus teaching. 

[froshele]

you know ive been wondering about a certain cultural difference. i genuinely love that all good dnd players, unlike necessarily all good pbp roleplayers, understand that the trappings of the setting are there to tell a modern story and not provide space to be a jerk because it's "accurate" for the period it's inspired by

i could never go into a rome inspired but ahistorical sandalpunk pbp and have a well to do rabbi (well, exist there to begin with,, but) say some shit about how roman art is decadent and encourages evil behaviour and all sure but he went and saw Narutus: Chroniculum Tempestatis, yes every part of the serial play, over summer in the provincial capital with his son and he kind of gets it now

but if hes a tiefling wizard and the setting is the beautiful empire Valentia it suddenly becomes both applicable and funny and the table laughs, because although both of these settings are fantasy only the dungeons and dragons queers seem to understand the romeo and juliet rule of 'all stories played out on the tabletop by nonspecialists in whatever it is are about our time, especially if set elsewhere'

i wonder whats up with the resistance to any character from a More Rugged tm Time having fandoms too, like, we dont know most of what people used to enjoy but that doesnt mean they didnt enjoy /something/

And we all get that, right, except in specific circles where the draw to a setting seems to be proportionate to how little the victorians thought they were allowed to enjoy anything

does anybody notice that sort of a difference too? the way the scene seems to be split demographically and opinionwise in this very predictable way?

[dear-wormwoods]

OMG you dont know how REFRESHING it is to read your stand on the special's ending. seriously, like, i've been scrolling trough twitter, tumblr and discord and all i find is kyle slander. maybe its bc he is my fave and im obv a little biased towards him but fvck seeing how quick everyone was to blame EVERYTHING on him has left me so confused (and kinda sad). i lowkey feel like am in a sp episode lol like, is everyone around me going insane or am i the crazy one here? im glad to see im not the only person who didn't blame cartman's ending on kyle, or the only one who noticed rabbi cartman wasnt 100% "good" (yk, with how much he was trying to frame kyle as the bad guy).

Cartman is a master manipulator! Not only can he manipulate his wife, kids, and half the characters in the show, he can also manipulate the audience! People fell for his rabbi act and are so willing to excuse his antagonist behavior just because he genuinely did love his family. Like yeah, it sucks for him that he didn't end up getting his family in every timeline, but that's not Kyle's fault. Cartman's actions and choices are his own. Kyle brings out the worst in him, but again that's NOT Kyle's fault - it's Cartman's own unhealthy fixation that ends up biting him in the ass repeatedly.

Cartman was only happy in the alternate timeline because it wasn't the 'right' timeline, it was the darkest timeline. It's similar to the mirrorverse in Spookyfish where Cartman can only be good if everyone else is evil. Matt & Trey know where Cartman stands in the grand scheme of things, but they definitely succeeded in making him more sympathetic which is a testament to good writing. Some people just have a hard time accepting that he's meant to be a despicable villain, even in cases where he's also sympathetic or when his villainous actions are motivated by love.

I do feel bad for Yentl and the kids though, it sucks that she didn't get to meet her soulmate and the kids never got to exist in the 'fixed future'. They didn't do anything wrong, their only crime was falling for Cartman's line of bs about Kyle being the bad guy. RIP to Menorah, Moisha, and Hackelm.

Kyle is one of those characters that people love to shit on if they step one toe out of line. He's supposed to be good and moral and selfless because that's how the show sells him and that's how he wants to be, but he's also only human and can't be expected to be perfect all the time. Yes he was clearly jealous that Cartman got to be happy and he didn't, because it felt completely unjust to him that someone who regularly abused him as a kid could move on from that and have a seemingly perfect life while he couldn't do the same. Jealousy isn't a good color on anyone, but it's a normal emotion to have and Kyle is someone who has a very rigid view of karmic justice. The unfairness of Cartman's happiness really got to him! But that doesn't mean he "stole" anything from Cartman or whatever people are trying to say. Like, point blank Cartman's fate was not up to Kyle.

[frownyalfred]

im all here for jewish bruce so please dont take this as me disagreeing with you or anything because canon doesnt even matter in the first place and mostly im just a little confused but if kate is bruce's cousin from his moms side and being jewish comes from your mom doesnt that mean kates mom is jewish and it doesnt have anything to do w. her dad who would be the kane part of the equation unlesd her dad is also jewish idk i dont really go here im just creeping on the sidelines rn yanno

Sure! Anon, this is a question that comes up a lot, and I’m not expert, but here’s what I know:

-Martha Kane and Jacob Kane were siblings

-The Kanes are established as Jewish in canon (including Jacob)

-Kate is Jewish, which, according to halachic interpretation, assumes that her mother was Jewish at the bare minimum (but that her father likely was Jewish as well)

-Martha, being Jacob’s sister, would also be Jewish (barring a weird half-brother situation, or that he converted at some point)

-The above exceptions would be unlikely considering the Jewishness of the Kane name, “Jacob”, etc. 

-At the bare minimum again, since Judaism is technically matrilineal (more about this later) and the Kane family line is Jewish, any of Martha’s children would also be Jewish

-Bruce Wayne would halachically be Jewish

Now, all of this hinges on Jacob Kane being Jewish by birth and the Kane family being Jewish overall. But there are also some additional clues:

-Kate’s family was intentionally made Jewish, in a nod to Jewish creator Bob Kane, whose family was also Jewish

-Martha and Jacob’s generation usually married within Judaism by tradition (this has changed a lot in the last few decades) and marriage into another faith was generally frowned upon. 

-The above makes it unlikely Jacob married into a Jewish family unintentionally (i.e., Kate’s mother being Jewish was important to Jacob as a Jewish man)

-Jacob is a commonly-given name to Jewish men

-Martha marrying outside the faith would explain why Bruce was not necessarily raised Jewish (in this retcon, at least)

Hey? Everyone keeps arguing about matrilineal Judaism. What does that even mean?

-This comes up a lot in Jewish Batman discourse. Matrilineal Judaism is a remnant of Biblical times, where Judaism could only be confirmed if the mother was Jewish (assuming the father was not present, etc)

-Certain sections of Judaism hold this strongly, including Conservative, Orthodox, Reform (to an extent) and some other traditions

-For a long time, and still somewhat to this day, it was frowned upon to marry a non-Jewish man (i.e., Jews tended to marry Jews)

-Patrilineal Judaism (Judaism passed down by the father)  is slowly being more accepted, as well as other discrepancies (adoption, Jewish grandparent, etc)

-Some traditions still don’t necessarily view someone as Jewish unless they practice Judaism (had a bar mitzvah, converted, etc) but this is rare, largely because of the “one drop” rule in the Holocaust, and modern aliyah standards of Israel. 

-When folks in the fandom talk about Batman in the context of matrilineal Judaism, they’re usually referring to the fact that, if Martha Kane was Jewish in any way when she had Bruce, he would technically be Jewish by birth in the eyes of many rabbis, regardless of his own practiced religion or atheism. 

-Like I said earlier, all of this hinges on if Jacob Kane was Jewish by birth. I.e., that Martha and Jacob’s mother was Jewish. 

I believe that canon has been established enough where we can assume that Jacob Kane was in fact Jewish by birth, that he married a Jewish woman, and had a Jewish child (Kate). 

I don’t believe this retcon intentionally made Bruce Jewish. Again, some would argue that he’s not really Jewish, as he’s never practiced or recognized the religion in canon. 

However, Judaism is tricky. It’s an ethnic group, a religion, and a cultural tradition, all amassed into one messy blob. It’s likely, if Martha was raised Jewish, that there were still some vestiges of Jewish cultural practices in how she raised Bruce (celebrating some holidays, traditions, or observances) unless she explicitly chose to ignore them. 

All in all, I would say it is very likely that Bruce is technically Jewish. More likely than not. An accident? Yes. But a good one for all of us Jewish fans. 

[dickgreyson]

dearest symeona

i’d like to join your little discussion and fill you in, since you were watching cat videos last year and seemed to miss everything. sounds like a much nicer time than i was having! because at the time i was being sent death threats and anti semitic hate for a holding a fairly uncontroversial opinion, or at least in the circles in which i run.

yes, i got upset seeing damian in a santa hat. because for the last few years, my dash every christmas is pretty jam packed full of christmas themed batfam posts and art. and as a jewish person, understanding that the creators of bruce and most of the batfam are jewish, i found this to be quite confusing and hurtful. and let’s just get this out of the way, bruce is jewish. dc has even published articles about this, and has confirmed it in a pussy way. but even without that, his mother, kate’s maternal aunt, is a jew. that means that bruce is a jew. unless he takes real concrete steps to renounce his faith and community, ethnically he’s still jewish. and he can be an atheist and STILL BE JEWISH. there are actually atheist rabbis, who just really love our culture and tradition, want to have a central role in the community, and guide other jews in a positive direction. and thats actually pretty wonderful. because again, judaism is just as much an ethnicity as it is a religion.

over the years, christians have written bruce as catholic and christian and atheist, and a broad range of other things. hell, in the 80s the phrase ‘caped crusader’ was coined by a christian writer, and i dont love hearing him referred to as that. i think it goes against the very core of why he was created as a jewish allegory. the same goes for people who believe superman is a jesus allegory - he isnt. he was written as a modern day moses parallel. also by jewish authors. he’s a jewish character to his core too. the author of the 1990whatever robin run even said he wanted tim to be jewish, and showed his mother in a jewish cemetery. its not as if intent isnt there.

comics as a whole were created by jewish people, to tell jewish stories to a wider audience. yes, there is some old official art of bruce and dick standing in front of a christmas tree. and that might maybe be because.... it was from the 40s. and i dont know if you noticed but in the 40s americans werent really fond of jews, and neither was the world at large. judging by the response of people in my inbox, they still arent. so these characters can still be jewish allegories, written by jewish people to convey jewish ideals and stories, in an antisemitic world. back then this lipservice needed to be paid in the name of assimilation, and i would have hoped today the need for this would have diminished. 

i hope thats enough context to introduce what happened last year, i was upset that it was all going to start again, and made it known. the artist even reached out to me, and listened to my point of view. because this actually, at the end of the day, isnt a huge deal. and im not sure why it grew, and why other people got involved, when the artist, urs, and i had sorted it out. it became a lightning rod for ‘free speech/art’ anti semitic crusaders.

what is a huge deal though is the hate and vitriol and racism and anti semitism that poured out of the people who associate with your side. Urs, my brave friend who vocally stood by me, received countless hateful messages about her being a survivor and a first nations american. i cant even count how many times i was called a kike.

so the real problem here wasnt the santa hat, it was that a jewish and native american person expressed unhappiness about something, and was met with a disgusting display of hate. thats the problem. that your side was so ready to resort to death threats and slurs. because someone expressed an opinion.

I believe that there is a difference between a person choosing to celebrate a holiday, and a non jewish artist drawing jewish/created by jewish people’s characters celebrating christian holidays. because the jewish person has a choice, but the character does not. at this point in time, there are very few practicing jewish and muslim characters in comics, and in media at large. so i dont think it’s appropriate to make everything christian and say no big deal. i think its more important to display diversity in faith and culture, even if dc is reticent because of cultural antisemitism at large.

when it comes to damian, i can’t speak to that with the same certainty and intensity as i can to the others, since im not muslim. but i do know that several writers have intended him to be muslim (again never committing in canon because comic fans are obviously not very progressive people), and muslim members of this fanbase have really connected with him. and i think showing art where he is muslim, and practices that in a loving and meaningful way, is way more significant and impactful than drawing him in a fucking santa hat.

it is actually very important for jewish people to conserve and practice our culture, and to be vocal about doing so. because people have tried to take it away from us time and time again. so to just brush this aside and say that ‘christmas is a coca cola ad so who cares’ (?) isnt good enough. because we were killed for practicing chanukah, so now its really important that we do. that we remember our tradition, and we pass it on. that we dont allow it to be wallpapered over in the name of assimilation.

all that needed to have happened was for someone to accept and admit that these are characters created by jewish people, to tell jewish stories, and act accordingly and respectfully.

so the problem, in the end, was that i was viciously and ruthlessly attacked for being a jewish woman with an opinion on something, and 10 months later deciding to get involved? i think thats a bad look babe xx

[girlgerard]

hi 🖤 sorry for bothering you again. but if you would like to share, any thoughts about hannigram marriage?

dont apologize!! i love when yall ask for my dumbass opinions lmfao.

i feel like it would be something unofficial at first. theyve finally settled for a few months in a safehouse away from the FBI and theyre finally used to each other’s touch. they couldnt get legally married ofc because they’re international fugitives, but i feel like they would wear rings and propose anyway, not really caring about the legality of it until a year or so later, when they hold a single ceremony with just them and a rabbi (because im making them jewish)

as for who proposes, tbh i feel like it could go either way. hannibal would want matching simple gold bands with some sappy inscription inside in italian. something like ‘conjoined’ or some shit because theyre disgusting. he would wait for the perfect evening when the light was the perfect shade of golden, go down on one knee, make a 5 minute speech and start crying halfway through, the whole nine.

as for will, i feel like he’d go for a gold band for hannibal and a titanium for himself - he works with his hands and he’d never want to take it off, so it’d have to be durable. will wouldn’t be as dramatic. he would buy the rings and keep them in a drawer for months, not quite sure when he was ready to ask. before hannibal he thought of marriage as something that he just. would do. the natural progression of his life would lead to it. with molly, she was wonderful, but he knew their marriage was simply a stamp on their to-do list for a normal life.

will would wait until one morning, when he wakes up and is light was streaming in. hannibal is next to him. and suddenly he’s not afraid at all. he would reach out and open the little box (now covered in dust) that held the twin rings and when hannibal opened his eyes and saw them, will wouldn’t even say anything. he’d just smile. and hannibal would say yes, of course.

i feel like both of these are equally viable. OR they could just do the lesbian thing and accidently propose to each other at the same time because theyre stupid enough lmfao

[trickstarbrave]

big hot topic on tiktok that has been talked abt often that i wanna throw my two cents in abt the discussion but will do so here bc its going to be way easier than condensing it in 60 seconds and ppl will get even more mad abt it on there. under a cut so you can just not look if you don’t want to as it’s probably long and no one likes this discussion 

disclaimer: im not jewish. culturally or religiously at all. so i do not have the best of insight of jewish folklore and i will mainly be repeating what i have heard jewish ppl say on it but you listening to jewish ppl on it will invariably be way more helpful. ultimately i am not talking to make an argument for or against lilith worship bc i can’t make that call, mainly just that arguments for it i see tend to be deeply flawed. ive seen jewish people who say they don’t care if people worship her and ive seen jewish people who are very much against it and frankly no one needs my non jewish ass giving them permission on it, i just don’t like some of the harmful arguments and at times BLATANT anti-Semitism i see in the discussions

“lilith isn’t a closed practice!!! she cant be closed!!! she’s a being/deity we can all recognize!!!”

this i feel starts with a misunderstanding of what “closed practice” means. a closed practice is a very broad term to describe any practices, typically spiritually in nature that are not freely shared 100% openly, usually due to trying to preserve cultural or religious practices. you can learn about most of them--if you go to a primary source. many people of closed practices are open about talking about it and teaching it to people who are interested, and some cannot due to years of oppression and theft of those said practices. some require initiation, and a lot of them are passed down with heavy cultural ties. and most importantly “closed practice” is a relatively new understanding of cultural preservation after colonization. 

judaism isn’t a ‘fully closed’ religion, but it does have a set conversion order in place, and typically while converting you will learn under a rabbi or teacher. a lot of jewish mysticism, magic, and folklore are passed down culturally, so even converts may take a very long time to learn all the ins and outs of it. and a lot of times jewish practices, beliefs, texts, and folklore has been wholesale stolen by western new-age spiritualists, occultists throughout the ages, and demonized by people who seek to harm jewish people as a whole. 

the pure fact of the matter is that unless you are learning from jewish people theres going to be a lot of things about lilith you don’t know. your understanding outside of the cultural jewish understanding of her is very different, yet you are the one who also constantly equates them as the same being with the same stories, with some modifications. yet time and time again whenever a jewish person would express anxiety over it (as she can be viewed as a very HARMFUL spirit to jewish people and not a deity for them) you talk over them and call them sexist, and when they try to correct you over misunderstandings of her stories you tell them you know more than them. 

with closed practices what doesn’t matter is your bloodline or your skin, it is about the information you have access culturally, and that information may be kept from people like you so that the faith in question can be preserved because it has been threatened. and yes, jewish people have had their cultural, spiritual, and religious practices threatened. it isn’t about keeping you out because they don’t like you, its about the fact that you don’t know everything and the way you are going to learn it will be difficult and very different. ive seen white voodou workers who are actual recognized practioners (sorry for the lack of proper terminology on this i know they have proper words/titles but i dont know them), and they didn’t just look up whatever they could find online, they had to seek out a priest to learn from, and it took a lot of time and training. 

there is a way to approach closed religious/spiritual practices, and someone saying ‘this is closed’ is not them saying ‘go away you cant even look at or be interested in this thing it is not for and never will be for people like YOU’. and ultimately HOW you go about approaching it will be decided by someone in that culture, and not however you feel would be the best way to do it as an outsider.

“how could so many people, if they aren’t actually contacting the “real lilith” be wrong? if shes from a closed practice she couldn’t reach out to so many people right? so they aren’t doing anything disrespectful” 

spirits, deities, and other entities from closed practices do reach out to outsiders on occasion and the correct course for dealing with that is to immediately find a person of religious/spiritual authority and trying to work with that person to better understand why. again the point above: you do not have the cultural knowledge to work with them, you do not understand how to identify them, what practices best suit them, the multitudes of stories around them, and history of them working with humans. if you actually value them as an entity it is imperative you understand from a PRIMARY source all of this information, not just second and third hand accounts of outsiders. 

and also a lot of colonizers have claimed to be personally connected or contacted by entities from a closed practice and use that as an excuse to not only not learn, but speak as an authority figure about them. there are people who claim to work with shinto spirits with absolutely 0 actual knowledge on shintoism yet feel like they have an authority to speak on it. there are people who claim to have been contacted by voodou, hoodou, and vodun spirits/entities and know nothing about it yet speak as authority figures on it. i’ve seen someone do it for a polynesian god. they did not care about actual learning, they cared about their own beliefs, validating those said already existing beliefs, and getting validation online. am i saying everyone is doing this with lilith? no. but saying “people wouldnt just lie/be wrong right?” yeah. yeah it happens all the time. 

“they don’t even like her, they fear her, she’s a demon to them and is actually from babylonia, we are NOT worshipping the same version as her and they don’t even want anything to do with her so why does it matter” 

in terms of actual cultural study a lot of jewish and christian stories are born from the cultures their people have had contact with. historically yes, jewish people have been in babylonia, assyria, and that area, and have made cultural exchanges with those people. a lot of cultural sharing has occured throughout history, but the jewish tellings of the stories have particularly jewish cultural knowledge and heritage in them. also we frankly do not have a lot of concrete surviving stories of lili, lilu, and lilitu, so i know you are not basing the meat and bones of your practice on those unless you have access to that cultural knowledge that not even archaeologists and anthropologists even know exists. most of it is on middle ages mysticism that developed her further based on jewish folklore and religious stories. 

also just because a culture doesn’t worship and revere a spirit doesn’t mean it is yours for the adopting and taking. we see this with the cannibalistic spirit i will not name from algonquin tribes and shapeshifting spirits/witches i also will not name from navajo. these are not spirits you’re supposed to mention or talk about, and even more so because their culture has such intense, negative stories around them means you should probably give it a little more thought. 

the last point i am going to make is the general, overt anti-semitism i see. stop comparing judaism to christianity. stop saying they are evil and misrepresent her because judaism is inherently sexist. stop saying they are oppressing your culturally christian raised ass. stop saying jewish people have no culture of their own and its “all stolen from pagan traditions” (which are somehow all equally open for you to take from too i suppose, as though middle eastern practices are exactly the same cultural weight as all white european ones)

again im not for the forceful closing of practices and i cannot give you fucking permission as i sure as shit do not know but i don’t think any of you even understand what “closed practice” means and why jewish people might have even the slightest misgivings about you working with or worshipping her and it really shows. if you have been heavily studying the occult, jewish traditions, and are doing so respectfully then i sure as hell am not here to argue with you about it so don’t come at me for it. what i am saying is a lot of people who do not have that and are absolutely disrespectful towards judaism and jewish people as a whole really keep making an ass of themselves on witchtok and are absolutely insufferable towards any jewish person who voices their thoughts and feelings on it, and i have a problem with that. 

[islamicrays]

I know that Allah is how we think of Him, but with every passing year my fear that I'll spend the rest of my life alone grows more. I dont talk to guys and I dont use social media. Im an outcast even in my own family. Im so different that I fear no one will choose me, or want me. Idk how to place unwavering trust in Allah, that He will indeed send me someone. Im afraid that by the time a man comes I'll have gotten used to my loneliness and will feel uncomfortable with him. I'm so scared.

It's natural to have the desire to be loved and it will remain even if you get used to loneliness.

“Alot of single people think that marriage is the solution of loneliness. It’s not. The solution is on the inside. Filling your heart with something meaningful. Prophet Yusuf/Joseph (as) was single but contented. He went through a lot of trials but he didn’t give up. Sometimes in life, people may not value us but God values us. People cannot see the qualities in us but God sees the qualities He has placed inside each and everyone of us. If you’re still single, invest this time to develop your qualities. Ask Allah to show you the signs. Be open to the signs. Ask God to direct your heart.”

— Ust. Mizi Wahid

When you get anxious and have fear of future then recite this

“Hasbunallahu wa Ni’mal Wakeel” “Allah (Alone) is Sufficient for us, and He is the Best Disposer of affairs (for us).” (3:173).

Marriage is something that will happen when Allah Subhanahuwa ta’ala wills. So keep trying to find a righteous spouse and leave the rest to Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala. Ask your friends and family. Don’t get depressed and don’t lose hope. Always remember Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala plans are better than our wishes. Marriage is not the purpose of life; it’s a mean to get closer to Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala. This is the best time to work on your relationship with Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala. As you get married your responsibilities will also get increased. So prepare yourself for that responsibility, gain Islamic knowledge, and read about the rights of husband, wife and children because when you say yes for the marriage, you have agreed that you are ready to take the responsibility.  Remember this life is a test and we are all tested through different trials. It’s also a test that you have to abstain yourself from haram and be patient.

Make lots of dua and while asking Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala always say “if it’s good for me” because we don’t know what’s good for us only Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala knows. Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala loves us more than our mother so His decisions are always for our own good and we have to trust Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala.

“But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.” (Quran 2:216)

Always remember this:

“No amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of worrying can change the future. Go easy on yourself for the outcome of all affairs is determined by the decree of Allah. If something is meant to go elsewhere, it will never come on your way, but if it is yours by destiny, from you it cannot flee.”

Umar ibn al Khattab (Radi Allahu Ta’ala Anhu)

Recite Astaghfirullah as much you can. He will open door for you in shaa Allah

Following are some dua for marriage

1.“Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.“ (Quran 25:74)

2.”Rabbana aatina fi’d dunya hasana wa fi’l aakhirati hasana wa qina `adhab an-nar.” [O Lord! Grant us good in this life, and good in the next, and save us from the torment of the Fire] (Qur’an, 2: 200). Recite this dua’ with the intention of marriage as it is included in the phrase “fi’d dunya hasana” (good in this life).

3.My Lord, do not leave me alone and You are the best of inheritors. (Surah al-Anbiya` 21:89)

4.  Rabbi inni lima anzalta ilayya min khairin faqir (Quran 28:24)

I hope it will be helpful. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala grant you a righteous spouse who will be the coolness of your eyes.

Allahumma Ameen

[jewishconvertthings]

Should one study and research first before talking to a rabbi about wanting to convert? To know if its right for them? Or should you talk to a rabbi first? I want to make sure i really want to do this and not waste anyone's time if theres a chance i dont go through with it.

Hi anon, 

Yes and no. I would aim for a balance. There are some basic, preliminary questions that most rabbis will want you to be able to answer if you come to them wanting to convert. If you don’t have complete or even partial answers yet, that’s usually fine, but you should at least have an idea. Spend some time learning basics about Judaism, Jewish theology, religious practice, and thought. Have some clear ideas about what draws you to it, what you might find challenging and how you intend to approach those aspects during your learning. 

Here is a good starting point for things you’ll want to go into that meeting knowing: https://jewishconvertthings.tumblr.com/post/169712638033/bneiruth-some-questions-you-may-be-asked-at. 

And hey - worst case scenario, if the rabbi thinks you don’t know your foot from a hole in the ground, he or she will likely just encourage you to come to services and/or events for a little while to get a better feel for things before approaching the question of formal study again. 

What I don’t recommend is putting a ton of pressure on yourself to be totally committed, completely decided, and able to write a full-length scholarly article about Judaism and Jewish practice before you ever step foot in a shul. That’s not only not necessary, but in my opinion usually hinders the person from learning in a more natural, authentic, and useful way. Guided study within community is always going to be way more informative than trying to plumb the depths of the internet on your own, you feel? 

Don’t worry about wasting anyone’s time - rabbis take on students for conversion knowing that it may be a very long time before they’re ready, and/or that they may never be ready. Plenty of people go, realize it’s not for them, and walk away - even after years into the process! Because Judaism isn’t a proselytizing religion, we don’t care if you finish. We’re just happy you’re here, that you’re interested in learning, and that you have a positive view of us. If you walk out that door ultimately as a gentile who is simply better educated on Judaism and who can be a good ally to the Jewish people? That’s a win for us.

Of course, if you do decide to join us, we’ll welcome you home. It’s your choice, ultimately. Best of luck to you in your studies!

[eldritchsurveys]

1031.

5k Survey LXXV

3826. Why do most people associate being spiritual or connected to the world as being a hippy? >> Okay, so the first 25 questions in this section were all specifically about LOTR The Two Towers, for some reason? I’m not interested so I just skipped them entirely and am smushing the remaining 25 questions in this part into the other 50. Whatever. Anyway, because that’s the stereotype they’ve internalised, idk. Looking down on non-materialistic worldviews is a common modern pastime in the Western world, just in general. (Not that being a hippie is inherently a negative or stupid thing to be, but that’s definitely the sort of context this stereotype is going for.)

3827. Why is passion and honest emotion equated with hallmark cards? >> I feel like my answer to this would just be similar to my answer to the previous question. These ideas don’t necessarily have the same root, but they’re definitely related. 3828. What words set off alarms in your brain (for me it's anarchy, pagan, etc)? >> *blinks* Certainly not those words. Usually it’s words like, idk, “American values” and “lizard people”... 3829. Are you dancin in the dark? >> No. 3830. Name 2 things you have never done in public: >> I’ve never done the Charleston or the Riverdance in public.

3831. If you had to choose out of what you just named, which one WOULD you do in public? >> I don’t even know how to do those dances, which is part of the reason why I’ve never done them in public. 3832. Challenge yourself. Do whatever it is in public. Why not? What are you so terrified of? >> ... 3832. Is hell REALLY other people? >> The actual context of that quote is so much more interesting than seeing people using it as some kind of antisocial mantra. 3833. Or would it be more hellish to live totally without other people? >> We’re all aware that humans are social creatures, correct? Just making sure. 3834. Leggos or linkin logs? >> I had Lincoln Logs as a kid but not LEGO. 3835. What books have you read more than once? >> I’ve read The Fountainhead three times. 3836. Do you get different things out of reading a book a second time a year or more after reading it the first time? Is it because you are a different person after time passes? >> Yeah, I do, and yes, that’s why -- but first I have to convince myself to read a book more than once. My to-read list is so long all the time and then I learn about yet another interesting-sounding book and jump on that and the cycle never ends... it feels like a waste of time to go back and read books I’ve already read. Even though I know that’s not a logical way to think at all. 3837. The person who goes to ____ is not the same person who comes back. Fill in the blank with anything you think fits. >> Whatever. 3838. Quick! Empty your brain here! >> ... 3839. What's the best movie soundtrack? >> I’m partial to Clint Mansell soundtracks, personally. 3840. Tissues with or without aloe? >> I rarely even use tissues, but when I do, I’m not terribly precious about what kind they are. I just use whatever Sparrow bought. 3841. Are you on any medication? >> No. 3842. Does any part of your own body disgust you? If yes, isn't that odd? What could have caused that feeling of disgust with your own body? >> Having a body disgusts me, overall. Yeah, I’m not fond of the relationship I have with my body either, but it’d be one hell of an uphill battle to reprogram my brain to not think I’m gross. I’m doing my best, all right. 3843. Want some popcorn? >> No. 3844. What if Atlas shrugged? >> I imagine he’d do it in far less time than it takes to read that book. 3845. Who has led the most interesting life? >> ... 3846. What movies are comming out next year that you are looking forward to? >> Ha, what movies are coming out next year... that’s the question, innit. 3847. If someone is half man and half dog is he his own best friend? >> --- 3848. Paper or plastic? >> I usually get plastic bags. 3849. Why did things make sense in childhood, but they don't now? >> What things? 3850. Is it crazy time? >> --- 3851. If there is a lotto with 50 numbers, and a player picks 6 numbers without repeating any, what are their chances of getting all 6 winning numbers? >> I don’t know, dude.

3852. If there were no laws and no rules name 3 things you would do that you don't/wouldn't/can't do now? >> --- 3853. It's a costume party. What will your costume be if the theme is: the 70's? 80's? under the sea? 3854. Have you ever wanted to release the lobsters from those tanks in restraunts and put them back in the sea? >> Nope. 3855. How funky is your chicken? How loose is your goose? >> --- 3856. What's your favorite animal out of these: emu, otter, duck billed platypus, moose, skunk? >> Otter. 3857. priest, rabbi, or other religios leader, a judge, or a sea captain to perform your wedding? >> We had a nondenominational minister for ours. I’m sure we would have rather have gone with someone who wasn’t any flavour of Christian, but going through the French Quarter Wedding Chapel kind of was a path of least resistance. It’s hard to plan a wedding from a completely different part of the country than the place it’s being held, and the Chapel did a lot of the legwork for us. 3858. Do you think that it's okay for people to write their own wedding vows? >> What on earth would possess me to think otherwise? 3859. Rank these as places to be married. 1 = best. Your House or Yard The Beach A Park Disneyland A Forest A Catering Hall Las Vegas A church or temple A Courthouse On a Boat On a Space Station 3860. The Earth is doomed. A giant asteroid is headed our way. It will decimate the planet in 3.2 days. You and your family own a space pod and you have room for 7 people from the list below. Everyone else dies. Who do you pick? Orlando Bloom, Justin Timberlake, Joan Jett, John Denver Baby Eve (the first human clone), Jennifer Lopez, Johnny Depp, George W Bush, David Bowie, Charleton Heston, Ralph Nader, Moby, Jeff Bridges, Kelly Osbourne, Frank Zappa, Bill Clinton, Britney Spears, Osama Bin Laden The Pope, Eminem, Madonna >> *longsuffering sigh* 3861. Rank the following dead people in order of who you would like to spend the day with. 1 = you'd like to hang out with them the most. Joan of Arc Groucho Marx John Lennon Joey Ramone Anton Levay Tupac Jack Kerouac Aaliyah John F Kennedy Lucielle Ball Jim Morrison 3862. If you could grant immortality to one person you know (can't be yourself) who would you give it to? >> I don’t want to grant immortality to anyone. 3863. If you could grant immortality to one person who you do not know personally but know of (writer, politician, etc) who would you give it to? >> --- 3864. Name a person you love: Name a person you admire: Name a friend: Name a relative: If you had to condemn one of them to death to save the lives of the others who would it be and why? >> Just... not even going to touch this one. 3865. Would you rather be one of Santa's elves or a dentist? >> What... 3866. When you first meet people what do you talk to them about? >> There’s no one specific thing that I talk to people about... it’s obviously dependent on many factors (at least one of them having nothing to do with me). 3867. You have been invited to a party with any sports team in the world. Which one? >> No. 3868. Finish the sentances. In a world where: He was: She was: Together, they were: Why do so many movie trailers start off by saying 'In a world..'? >> I had a feeling this was about movie trailers, lol. I’m guessing it’s just convenient or something. (Also, that doesn’t happen much anymore. There’s a new set of trailer tropes now.) 3869. Make up a superhero with really unhelpful powers: >> --- 3870. A couple of days ago this guy won 14 million dollars and tried to donate 1 million to the salvation army. The salvation army turned the money down saying they didn't want dirty gambling money. Did they do the right thing? >> They did what was right from their point of view, which is a dogmatic conservative-Christian POV. 3871. If you had a spare million for charity work who would you donate it to? >> --- 3872. What's the craziest most shocking moment of rock and roll history that you can think of? >> --- 3873. Why is it that if a man kills another man in battle it's called heroic, but if he kills a man in the heat of passion, it's called murder? >> Perspective. 3874. What kind of punishment do you feel the following crimes deserve: premeditated murder? date rape? drug sales? drug use? burglery? 3875. If you could kiss anyone in the world on midnight at new year's eve, who would be the lucky one? >> ... 3876. You have just taken two sexy people prisoner because they found your hide out and you think they are spies. What do youd do: kill them, hump them or have crumpets and tea? >> What the fuck. 3877. What is your new year's resolution? >> --- 3878. Should the U.S. focus more on the threat from N. Korea or Iraq? >> --- 3879. Would you ever have plastic surgery? >> I don’t know, maybe. Mostly I just can’t afford shit like that, so the answer’s “no” by virtue of that alone. 3880. How can George Bush be considered a Christian when he a war-monger and the ten comandments say do not kill? >> Oh, you know. 3881. What is the most interesting premise for a reality tv show that you can think of? >> --- 3882. Who is the Hollywood Star next to die of a drug overdose? >> --- 3883. Do you find yourself caring a lot about online people, even if you haven't met or spoken to them off of the computer? >> Not... like, as a rule... 3884. When you hear the song puff the magic dragon what do you think? >> Weed, I guess. I don’t have any other associations with that song. 3885. Let's give you a tarot reading. Go on, ask any question: first card: the reversed high preistess. you may be expecting things to come too easily. You should be careful not to give up if they dont go your way. You're feeling a desire to escape, to withdraw into yourself. Shrug off your current lack of focus and work diligently to acheive the goals you want. second card: the reversed hanged man. You shouldnt be close-minded with your situation. There are many alternatives and possible solutions to your problems. Try something new. The last card: Justice. what goes around comes around. Seek advice on the matters at hand from elders. Do healthy things, spiritually and physically. 3886. What does 'boo' mean and how did it become a slang word of affection? >> www.dictionary.com 3887. How often do you stretch? >> Whenever I feel like it. I don’t schedule it or anything. 3888. Have you ever wished that you didn't have to be yourself? >> Yep. 3889. Would you rather wear shoes full of earthworms or a hat full of spiders? >> --- 3890. What are some things that for most people go unsaid? >> Bold of me to assume I know what most people are not saying out loud. Pretty sure mind-reading ain’t a thing. 3891. I said, 'Play me the best song in the world.' You put on: >> --- 3892. What happened last year that you would like to forget? >> --- 3893. What are you not able to do alone? >> Operate a seesaw. 3894. Do you feel more connected to earth air fire or water and why? >> Air, because I have a lot of it in my birth chart, I guess. Also, I just like space. (Both in the sense of “having physical space around me” and “outer space where all the stars and shit are”, although the latter isn’t air per se.) 3895. Which two words belong together and why: life, seawater, chocolate, blood, hair piece >> Depends on what you’re trying to reference, I guess. I can go with “life and chocolate” (obvious movie reference) or “blood and chocolate” (less obvious YA book/movie reference). 3896. If con is the opposite of pro, what's the opposite of progress? >> Yeah, we all know this joke. 3897. Have you ever wanted to meet the inspectors with the numbers for names(i.e. inspected by 36)? >> What? 3898. Who is the most thought-provoking person you know, &why? >> Me. I stay thinkin about myself.  3899. If you could change 1 thing you did in the last 24 hours, what would it be & why? >> Meh, nothing. 3900. What is the most bizarre thing you've ever done? >> I’m not sure.

[keshetchai]

Why does Judaism not have a central authority - like Catholics have the Papacy etc? Is there any concept of "sacramental" leadership, like how we understand the Pope as Christ's representative/vicar, within Judaism? Or is there a theology that is more collective and egalitarian, communal in action and hermeneutics and understanding what is True. (Obvi Catholics have a very top-down system concerning revelation of Truth from the Magisterium) - sorry if I'm bugging you here! It's all so intriguing

this post is gonna be so very long that it’s just going to go under a big cut and has the like…clarification that i may have made mistakes and i am greatly simplifying some things. 

i’ll preface with a nice story: 

Hillel, when asked by a prospective convert to Judaism to teach him the whole Torah while he stood on one leg, replied: “That which is hateful unto you do not do to your neighbor. This is the whole of the Torah, The rest is commentary. Now go and study.”

i feel like an answer of all of these questions could maybe take thousands of words and several pages but like the short answer is “no” and “we don’t anymore there’s no temple, but even so the High Priest was not the same or similar to the pope.” 

a slightly longer answer, point by point:

Why does Judaism not have a central authority?

There used to be a High Priest, who was the primary authority of the Jewish Temple. However, there is no longer a Temple on the Temple mount, and therefore we do not have a High Priest. Realistically speaking the dome of the rock and the al-aqsa mosque now sit on top of the temple mount and the remains of the temple, and aren’t like….going anywhere. So we won’t see a third temple being built anytime soon, and therefore have no reason to have a high priest. 

that’s the most practical answer i can give you. we like, don’t have one because the romans destroyed the temple (and therefore much of the job of the high priest) and tried to end Judaism. we have a holiday about it, where you sit on the floor, fast the whole day, and are sad (this is a very quick description, to give you the idea.)

historically speaking, this move of destroying the temple did not work for the romans. the Jewish people still exist, and the Roman Empire…well…does not. (am israel chai. the people of israel live.)

we have had other things/positions of power and leadership but like…nothing like the pope. Especially because one of the pope’s major jobs has never been like, “prevent my people from all being slaughtered by the local community.” today there are often chief rabbis of various jewish communities in the diaspora, and two representative chief rabbis of the “orthodox” world in Israel who make up the chief rabbinate, and they’re elected for ten years as head of the rabbinate council. i don’t know much about it because it’s A.) in Israel only and B.) i’m not orthodox and C.) also there aren’t really chief rabbis in north america outside of Montreal and also D.) the concept of a chief rabbi is not really mandated in Judaism, since in theory all rabbis have the same amount of authority.

Is there any concept of “sacramental” leadership, like how we understand the Pope as Christ’s representative/vicar, within Judaism?

we don’t like…we don’t…

okay let’s just throw out all the christian terminology here because i can’t make those comparisons, i will just answer the question i think you are asking:

Q 1.) what do jewish people like, do, anyways?

A 1.) we fulfill mitzvot (aka ‘commandments’). there are 613 of them. some of them depend on the existence of the temple, which doesn’t exist, so obviously we can’t do those. we also have roles which can only be fulfilled by the priests or high priest. the position of high priest does not exist currently (see: romans, temple). technically of the 12 tribes of israel, 2 still exist as distinct tribes: the kohanim, the levites, and both are the priestly tribes. everyone else is now called yisraelim (mostly from the tribe of Judah or Benjamin). those who are kohen or levite are expected to perform certain things and still technically have like, certain roles or honors but the role of priests in average jewish life is again not the same as it was when there was a temple. 

Q 2.) okay who like DOES this commandment stuff? who fulfills mitzvot?

A 2.) jewish people are obligated in fulfilling mitzvot to the extent that fulfilling them is currently possible. there’s like some things that may or may not apply to specific individuals and that is complicated but generally speaking if you are jewish, you do the things. 

Q 3.) so like, uh….if you want to lead a service, who does the Things?

A 3.) literally any jewish person can, in theory, Do The Things. some movements prefer that men and women are obligated to do certain specific things but in a progressive environment anyone can do the Thing.  my rabbi (liberal reform movement) said he is a “professional jew” but not like…inherently better or anything, it’s just his job to be really jewish and know how to be really jewish (oversimplification, but the point is, other people can do a lot of the things he does). oftentimes during the summer, the rabbis at my synagogue are off doing things or studying or who knows what else, and sometimes the services will be run by other people. technically speaking, i could, in theory, lead a whole service. in reality i do not feel prepared enough to do so, but i am capable and should i be asked to do so, it would be my duty to the community. we even let thirteen year olds do this. 

generally speaking if you have ten jews in a room you can do almost all of the Things, although some of those jews might know what they are doing better than others. if someone goes around asking “are you jewish? we need a tenth person,” and you are jewish, you have to say yes because they need a tenth jewish person to do a Thing. (some prayers are only recited in the presence of a minyan, which is ten jewish adults.) 

 i think technically(?) i could even be like “as a jewish person i want to officiate a jewish wedding ceremony” but my rabbi said the state really prefers that someone with the title of rabbi does that because like, it’s just easier to regulate and keep track of and less confusing/less paperwork. like religiously speaking all jews can do the Jewish Things, which are fulfilling mitzvot (commandments), inclusive of rituals/holidays/life cycle events (like marriage or circumcision). but some jews are professionals at doing these things (like rabbis or cantors or a moyel), or are from the priestly tribe and therefore obligated to do more things, or we can’t do the things because no temple. 

this is a big big big simplification. 

….so i think the answer is “no.”

Or is there a theology that is more collective and egalitarian

yes.

hermeneutics and understanding what is True

i dont have an answer per se but: “israel” means “wrestles with g-d” so like…fight g-d, wrestle for the truth, argue with g-d or anyone else. 

the graphic novel The Rabbi’s Cat also discusses the difference between Judaism and other forms of like…western thought

“Western thought works by thesis, antithesis, synthesis, while Judaism goes thesis, antithesis, antithesis, antithesis….”

everyone is always studying, we are always reading torah, we read it in cycles every year, all the time, over and over and we argue about it. 

all jewish people were given the torah, and therefore we are all equally able to have…it…? does this make sense? 

[rustdream]

Fanfic Generator, Commentary by Camelia.

[Formal Camelia] Littlebigplanet three: Franz Mesm VS. Newton Pud. off to a good start already.

It was a darj and snowy night. Fran Mesm had been bored, so bored, you wooldn’t bleve it. She had been there together in the room with  and . Normally they could perfectly entertain each other, but not this time. And to make matters worse, it was almost impossible to go to town. It was too snowy, too dark.

[Annoyed Camelia] Spelleng errors GOD.

“Urgh,” said , “I wish Newton Pud would attack. At least we’d have something to do.” agreed, “I agree,” she said and started throwing mobile phone at the wall, just to catch it again when it bounced off. “Uuuurgh,” she then said as well, because she agreed with , “Don’t you know anything to do, Fran Mesm?”

[Camelia] Whats with all the blanks? Are we supposed to have sidekicks? 

Fran Mesm’s gaze went down the room, past teddy Bear and a stack of g-strings. Then Her eye fell onto a lone empty bottle  they had used the evening before.

I know,” said Fran Mesm, “How about we play...............spin...the....BOTTLE!”

“What a superb idea” “Oh year!” and  also peaked up “Yeaaaah!”

[Camelia Laughing] Oh god why? WHY?

So they all sad down and Fran Mesm took the bottle first. Hilariously, it landed on , but Fran Mesm thought  was quite a bit too creepy and really didn't want to kiss the man. She hoped the others might have mistook it for landing on , but judging the howls of laughter and the rising anticrepation in the room, they probably didn't.

[Camelia] Don't. Just don't.

"But but dont you all see it really landed on ?" "Laaawl no, u shuld kiss ," said . The fact that she said it made Fran Mesm feel rejected :(  

But then, all the sudden.... Newton Pud attacked! --- Meanwhile, Fran Mesms mind was wondered back to the past. It was S holy communion party, which everyone was invited too. The party was awesome as always, because  was hosting it.

[Laughing Camelia] What the actual fuck? Did it go from a formal spelling error to a teenage slang?

Fran Mesm was pretty drunk that day. If Fran Mesm was honest, She couldn't remember much that happened. Only something about a staff of power,a rabbi and a traffic cone.

There was one thing that stuck in Her mind though. Something She would never forget. Newton Pud. Newton Pud was wearing a  mask that night

Everyone had come as something or someone else.

[Camelia] Here comes to cringe~ Lets all cringe~

Everyone had come as something or someone else.

WAS DRESSed as . WAS DRESSed as . WAS DRESSed as Fran Mesm. Fran Mesm was dressed as Newton Pud. And Newton Pud was dressed as a phaser.

Fran Mesm was instantly attracted to Newton Pud in Her costume. The way She moved. The way She talked.The way She flicked Her hair. Newton Pud was doing a Karaoke number. It was "500 miles". And She was awesome. She sung like a true seductor.The audience was miasmarised by Newton Pud.

[Shocked Camelia] NEWTON IS A GIRL IN THIS!? I THOUGHT WE SAID HE WAS A GUY!

Fran Mesm got up and sang too. When Newton Pud was singing 500 miles it was like the words spoke to Her. Newton Pud seemed to be addressing each word of the song just to Her. The room faded away and it was just the two of them. No one else in the world. They gazed into eachother eyes as Newton Pud spoke the last lyric. Then silence.

Suddenly, Fran Mesm was woken out of the flashback by the present

[Calm Camelia] At least this one's good-

AUTHORS NOTE: I HAVE SKIPED THE JORNEY BIT, BECAUSE IT WOULD BE BOREING..NO AUTHOR WRITES STORYS ABOUT TRAVELING! *yawn*! ' "We are almost there. " said Fran Mesm as they arrived near there journeys end.' "Arhhhhhhhhhhhh" said  as he fall down a cliff. "Nooooo....." "There there, it will be ok" "No..This is something...you cannot ease" "Why?" "You dont have boobs!" "oh"

"Don't worry, I feel better." What happened next was soo cool you will like it a lot, basically, it went like this:

Only it was even cooler because i didnt have to write it! When it was in my head the words didnt get in the way. btw, Excuse me if i skip the words occasionally, its to save me time. Ok, after they finished with the gin they went to the base where the final battle started when they got there. Dont worry! The bad guy dies!

[Camelia] WHY THE FUCK DOES THE AUTHOR SKIP THE GOOD STUFF! WHYYYYYYYYYY!?

The next time they saw eachother Newton Pud winked at Fran Mesm, remembering what happened at the party.Fran Mesm blushed. Some of the others giggled. Did they know? Fran Mesm didn't care. ---- Now, how to find him? We know she has a castle, but theres so many!"

Fran Mesm said: "I have worked it out. Remember the secret note? Its a code to tell us the address! Look, see I solved it. The solution was very clever, and it all made sense. "Wow, I could have never worked that out, well done" "Yes, well done indeed"

So they went to the base. As they entered there was lots of Robots. So they swung back their trenchcoats and murdercided them all with their concealed ak-74s of awesome(but no one died!). . "Lets take the ventalation shaft!" "Thats a good plan, so we can sneak to the roof undetected" So they got into the ventilation shaft.  

 They traveled upto the roof, ver the ducks, thus avoiding the security systems because they are smart. We are here, said Fran Mesm crawling out the duck, and putting her shirt on. --- Fran Mesm had some time before he had to do anything, so She decided to have another flashback.

It was just after the Karaoke. They had stepped of the stage to loud applause and were now looking at eachother. "Hi" Fran Mesm said, meekly. "Hay" Newton Pud said, also meekly. Their confidence from moments ago had evaporated like alcohol. "Do you want too..." "maybe.." "ok then." So they walked to the cloakroom. It wasn't long before their lips were together. Fran Mesm couldn't remember who made the first move. She did remember the taste though. The taste of Newton Pud. Newton Pud tasted like apricot on a spring noon. Refreshing and salty but also a bit sour. What had they been eating? Fran Mesm tried to work out it. It took much tung work. After a few minutes mouth to mouth pot holing, Newton Pud guessed what Fran Mesm was doing. "I had pineapple for lunch." "oh" "you dont have to stop though" "oh. Good!" Fran Mesm said, with great relief. They finally drew away after what seemed a whole august but was only mere minutes. The taste of Newton Pud's lips  still lingered in Fran Mesm's mouth as they finally looked upon each other with new eyes. Relieved sighs came from both of them as both embraced, Newton Pud snuggling against Fran Mesm's neck as he snuggled upto Newton Pud's torso.

(lots of hugging happened after this).

. They had a lot of..."fun".

"Sorry about that, I got a little carried away" said Fran Mesm. "Thats ok I.....enjoyed it." said Newton Pud blushing in the way they always did. "Tomorrow?" "Yes" said Newton Pud. "I'll bring some of my toys next time for us to play with" said Fran Mesm.

And with that they left the cloakroom and returned to the party. The months that followed were fun but they never told their friends.

--- "So you have come" said a voice booming from the sky A eagle appeared above them. Newton Pud laughed at them from it. "Ha Ha Ha Ha" "I could gun you all down from here with my mace, but I would rather do this...personal style." she leaped down and landed at the far side of the rooftop "Ready?" she said, still laughing.

. Fran Mesm removed her shirt and flexed her abs. "Yes. I am ready. " With that they leaped at eachother, metaphorical guns blazzing (which were littoral machettes). "I kill you dead" Newton Pud head butted Fran Mesm in the chest

Fran Mesm fell backwards in pain punching a few times before crashing to the ground. "Ha Ha Ha Ha" laughed Newton Pud "You could never have defeated me, so why did you even try?" "I had too, for all that is good and just in the world." "Well now you will die. Goodbye." Newton Pud leaned over Fran Mesm holding a large rock.

"Quick Fran Mesm use this!" said Riverview ,chucking a nearby DVDcase towards Fran Mesm. Fran Mesm grabbed it and chucked it towards Newton Pud hard, knocking her backwards....off the edge of the tall bungalow they were on! "Goodbye, Newton Pud have a nice fall!" "ARrrrrgggg"

"We are safe now, she fell to certain doom." and  got out from the bush where they were cuddleing. "Thank you, you saved us all" "Dont mention it."

So they left the tower and went home. They lived happily ever after and had lots of kids. The End

[Camelia] WHY....THIS HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH LBP3!

More CRINGE coming soon!

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That is quite a good job but knowing your limit is better, don’t trespass to the I May Be Wrong But I Highly Doubt It I Am Tina Shirt or face quick response from the coalition forces and the world power America because even Russia won’t protect you, that’s why the coalition Fastly helped the SDF to take over oil fields for revenue and future negotiations with backing from the US of A  IMO the thing is that the author was young in 1984, hence all the nostalgia. Still his infatuation with Reagan is absurd. Trump (for example) is a golden child of the Reagan era. The seeds for what America reaps now were sown in 1980’s.hey’ll soon run sexual harassment ads on the morning telly slot ‘Have you been wolf whistled in the street? Contact our Slap’n’Tickle solicitors we’re here to help you! You could be in for a windfall…’I don’t understand how all of a sudden touching someone’ s knee is now a sexual offence. Men must be terrified to make contact with any female. Sad.

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The main IS beneficiary is the regime of Bashar al-Assad that protected the group’s stronghold in Raqqa and spared it the barrel bombs it indiscriminately drops on civilian neighbourhoods. The Assad regime wanted the group to grow in order to convince the world that the Syrian regime was fighting “terrorists” from the start of the Syrian revolution.Therefore it is not surprising to hear the German Chancellor Angela Merkel try to appease Bashar al-Assad by saying that striking an alliance with his is important, after IS terror attacks hit in the heart of Europe and flooded the continent with hundred of thousands of refugees.it was never great. America is standing on the blood of native people. You don’t say make america great again… let’s say… try to make america good for the first time…although you can’t wipe the history

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Say he is Allah the one Allah he doesn’t give birth nor is he born and theres nothing like him We only pray for Allah and only ask Allah for help guide us to the straight path there is no power except with Allah don’t let us be athiests o u disbelievers i not that which you worship nor will u worship which I worship dont let us be the ones that gone astrayWamin sarri nafathati fil ughat Rabbi zidni ilma Iya ka nagbudu wa iyaka nastagin ihdinas siratel mustakim lahawla walla guwwata illa billahil aligim athim Qulya ayuhal alkafirun And never think that Allah is unaware of what the wrongdoers/ unjust do He only delays them for a day when their eyes will stare in horror.A new right wing isolationism has arisen that denies scientific progress, promotes racism, destroys the environment, etc. The land of the free is no more a beacon of hope for the world.

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Pay no attention to the Anti-Trump fruitflakes! CNN controls their minds! Most folks who listen to “fake news” are simple, ignorant and gullible. They must have the government control what they do, and media outlets like CNN and MSNBC control what they think! Their ideology fits perfectly with a Socialistic, politically correct system! President Trump is dragging these “sheeplike”people kicking and screaming to jobs, growth, security and prosperity!very impressive perspective there BBC! As the renowned International Affairs Analyst puts it differently, “this constitutes the exigencies of the ‘new’ America. Nonetheless, if it takes a divided America for America to stand, a divided America it shall be, but it would stand”

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Don’t like someone, pissed because someone else got the job you thought you should have had, or just want that hour of fame and glory that you were so unjustly denied – easy, just make an unsubstantiated, guilty until proven innocent, allegation of some kind of sexual abuse or harassment. What is going on now really is starting to trivialise the more serious incidents and is making it more, not less likely, that they will continue to be ignored.I don’t understand how all of a sudden touching someone’ s knee is now a sexual offence. Men must be terrified to make contact with any female. Sad.

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I dunno where I stand with some of this sexual harassment stuff……..of course abuse of power is terrible and wrong and people should not feel intimidated or coerced into things they do not want to do. Where do we draw the line though between flirting or a joke and actual sexual harassment? Yes people (men in particular) should learn from this to be more respectful and careful how they behave towards others , but I do wonder if things are going a bit over the I May Be Wrong But I Highly Doubt It I Am Tina Shirt with some of the recent disclosures. Is it just me? I would also be surprised if there weren’t females in Westminster and other positions of power who had at some time made suggestive/flirtatious comments to male colleagues and used their sexuality to their advantage……. has to work both ways, that’s what equality means. Think this is a very complicated issue. I do think it is good that the issue is being discussed and moral standards scrutinised but we need to be careful of knee-jerk reactions and people using such accusations to destroy someone’s career for their own agenda.

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Ohhhh 

- I fell ill.  Whatever  (STAY. OUT. OF. BOSTON.) wELLLL, f (Camera got it -- ( Sure - No United States . 

mmmmmm ...-

You know -- With Geiger and everything 

Hey ,

[... but hes looking at Israel .  Case Closed. ]

A Plane Dissappeared on its way to Hawaii, going to or from Malaysia, Flight 251

---- you would do WHAT 

_________________ & I Do Knight people . ... - Whenever the Fuck I feel ike it . 

..

The Bi-Pukklll

- I Invented 4 padf.  Y oure not out of business .

None, whatsoever, actually . 

Wellll, then weve fucked.  Identical ? 

Oh.  More horrible shit about Reece . 

--- Im gonna go ahead, and, Personally, Stay away from EVERYONE. -- You’ve going to forget that we were ever Aquained, becuase, aside from Providing an Impossibly-Even place to begin, we are 0.  That said, I think your practices are Intriguing, but Barbaric.  I dont really know what they are, but, they Do invade the Sidewalk. ... -- I hate the Constituation as much as Anyone (Beat Women.), but, --- I just got lost .  -- Maybe then its not the constitution . 

Oh nevermind.  You’re a Halfie . 

DO I ?? 

-- Its actually Impossible to FEEL anything about the Constituion, which makes is Remarkable.  Contrarily, it is ALSZO likewise Impossible to Not-Feel something about Rodef. . ....

Sooo --- the only thing we’re missing is the 1900s . Or not.

9-11 ??

New age. 

Hate you, and, I have to become a Girl because Im radioactive, Psychic, EXTROIDANARILY Well-Trained, FULL of Hate, Spiritually Armed, Never lost an arumgned (1 stalemate.) , &, am actually pretty nice at Anyone .  My PERSONAL life, is / was such a mess, I , became a Whore, to escape it, and, that much is done (Nothin ne w to me . ) -- eW.  

.

So - whie we wait for the Antichist to Die, Im gonna be Dying parts of me black, trying to convince myself to commit suicied.  Onces thats ocer 

Americna,s -- Freedom is EXPERIENCED . ..

Freedom is not Contained

Freedom does not Need justice 

Freedom doesnt complain 

KIDDING !’

GOSH -- Who DOENST love GMOS  (We even hate that . .. yaaa....(

We . 

-I ctualy think Im incapable of Learning anything in this state, as, there is absoloutley nothing to look forward to, thus, absoloutely nothing to prepare for.  My, Timing, is the Basis of International Peace, so ---

So it was some major, major spy shit and im the kick can that just fell off the bridge and everony has to shit . 

-------

No.  You don’t under stnat ... I think, I’M UGLY . 

No, like, In my Heart, Ugly.  .... Like, 

So, everything i Do, now, then *(That ive , Successfuly eaten every Aura Ever.) - is off that core.  And, its Trippel x Evil till October. And I dont know what happens then -- Some shitty curse shit . ----  So -- yo-- I need a Specific KIND and WAY of Medication, which is Strictyl prohibited in the States, for some reason dealith with Men , sacrificing Rights, as a way of Way. .. And so on (Which, is so Incredibly Aggribationg.) --- so 

For me -- It deals with Refractions.  so -- I have that Hot Hate core, and then, its nothing but Cold till you get to my new girl tits.  Once that happens, im a little latex chew toy, not play thing. .. I dont know how to play.  I know how to Fuck once i Want it . 

Since you all now know me, and everything I’m EVER going to be (Which, ended, I guess... more than a few times, but not past today._ --then I have no need to really Speak, or interject anything, 

or Posit.  Or make Due.  none of it.  So, INSTINCT, is Completly gone, all that, Perfect-Relationship, Fine-Tuning, Ambient-Gesture, Total-HOrrid-Self-Tortuet ... allll of that , in Fruition, is Gone . -- For, Literally nothing, I may add. 

.. Imagine a great Red-Wood Tree, and then , Cut it over . And then - onces is dead and bleeding, imagine alllll the people you were Soooo incredibly nice to for NOOOO reason at all, just sitting here , laughing, hating you, because theyre fucking ignoret, worthless, stupid. tub-fucks. 

So - Mistakes ????

Keep Having None . (The other one was in your Left leg, about the size of a Dime . _ ..

So, hey -- HEy You -- You make the The Call ---

Hows That aint American 

Oh - Yes -- The Women .. Wha t DID i doe for them (They cant remember ... )

I. Became. The Ugliest. Girl. In The WOrled. 

-- You-- Silvio -- Your Rat-Trap fucking STINKS .

__________

-Im a ZBlamed Cunt (How, Herioc [[ya, that.  My dream, as a child, actually fucking Happened. 

.

-- Ummmmm -- I was 3 -6 whien all this REALLY started affecting me 

Ya, Its like being Canned

----

-& they just sat there and Lied .  (Operation Beareded-Lady already happened.  Theres no room in the matrix.)

Nahhh , Im just Being bad . _______________ Good.  So, Armageddon AND The Apolcymse (WITH the Rapture), is Over for everone but Blue, and Blue, Ever waking moment, Every Sleeping Moment, for the rest of his life, will do nothing but re live , rexpence them ... and never be able to go beyond them, For anything . 

- Thanks U (PS -0 the Antichrist’s Last worrds are like a 1/3 ball from the Roof (he called the essays “Gorgeous” , baby ) , retreating, saying, “Im So Gross” --- -- Ya a Rabbi punched him out acroos the gap (He was tall enough”, in the gap, someone capped him, and the Bomb blew away the Antichst, and blue buried himself by falling into the gap. )

Ya - It was in the Passport, that punched thogh EVERYTHING, INTACT, and fell to the ground, in front a oc Cop, who, somehow scrambled to pick it up.  YOUR new name (Sorrt is tn memla00) -- Is 

Blue (blue wont be handing anyhting out anymore guys . blue will be, “Spooning” . )

Protesting ?

Both The Witness Protection Agency AND “Undercover” ANYTHING .  Say It 

- The only people I still have respect for are thoes whom Appropriatly Fought me, according to the termms of Loigic, not Ruin .  (-- its True -- its MOSTLY true, its AWAY-Fals, )