#Wymack is so done with them both

[ernestnott]

« Just promised me this isn’t going to be a problem. »

« What » Neil asked

« I can’t tell if you’re being obtuse to fuck with me or if you’re really that dumb »

This book is a comedy, I laugh out loud every time. Poor Andrew, crushing on a dumb demi is hard xD

[odetojupiter]

i often wonder whether the reason wymack is so lenient with andrew is bc andrew reminds him so much of himself. he’s fiercely, violently protective - something wymack can understand, as he beat his dad up for hurting his mother - and andrew is honestly a lot more aligned in the giving-people-an-extra-chance-than-they-thought-they’d-get ideology than the upperclassmen are.

think, andrew only accepting the fox contract bc nicky and aaron could get their degrees as well - something that would have been years off for aaron without a scholarship, and wouldn’t have been done at all (at least, not in the states) for nicky. think, kevin getting the chance to learn to stand on his own feet, neil getting the chance to learn to stop running, both bc of andrew. even his method of getting aaron clean gives aaron the chance to do what he wants with his life - though, it obviously could’ve been handled better, i believe that andrew chose to lock aaron in the bathroom because he knew that aaron wanted to go to med school, to become a doctor, which would have become a lot more difficult if he’d had rehab on his record. even with matt, though again his methods aren’t great, andrew gives him the opportunity to get sober for good. he’s constantly giving people the chance to deal with their issues for good, not by coddling them but by forcing them to turn around and face them head on. as far as giving out extra chances at life goes, that’s a pretty solid way to get people to turn their own life around for the better.

in fact, andrew goes out of his way to tell renee that he won’t break his neck for the upperclassmen, so that renee knows she should watch their backs. he didn’t have to tell her anything, he could’ve just left them all to their own devices, but he still gave them the opportunity for safety even tho they’d already written him off completely by that point.

idk maybe this analysis is off and ppl don’t agree with me but even in the books andrew is said to be ‘collecting strays’, which is exactly what wymack does.

just - wymack and andrew are very similar, and i love their relationship to bits.

[captain-sunshine-11]

Kevin/Seth is such a ship that found me in a rarepair fic and it grabbed me the collar and forced me to read it.

Anyway here is some Kevseth headcanons because I can:

Seth lives and plans to make Kevin's life even more of a hell on court than it was before. Enough that Wymack does have to step in and tell them to settle their differences or there were going to be consequences. Kevin is reluctant to be civil and Seth doesn't want to lose his scholarship or prevent himself from getting another one. (Seth still has grad school ahead of him)

So the series of events that lead to them getting together is just them accidentally being alone together -> purposely being alone together after realizing that the other isn't Just an Asshole (ofc they don't tell the other its on purpose) -> A fight that leads to a kiss and the rest is history

They pinch each other and hit each other's arms when the other is being a dick. Depending on the damage done dictates how much it'll hurt (but they wouldn't ever draw blood or try to bruise the other)

When the others find out everyone is shocked except for Aaron. Mostly because he couldn't care less

Matt and Dan call them "The 2nd Cutest Couple" just to piss them off ("We aren't cute, Seth." "You're right, we're the cutEST, fuck you Matt." "Seth--")

Kevin calls Seth "Bryan" once as a joke and they don't talk for a couple days

Kevin can't sleep on his back when Seth is with him because he will just snore, so Seth has to hold him to make sure he doesn't roll over (he says its just so he can "Get some goddamn shutteye"... sure buddy)

Kevin makes an effort to become more knowledgeable on addiction for Seth, but also to understand the other addicts on the team. It makes his relationship with people like Aaron and Matt better as a consequence

Seth might not be as into Exy as Kevin but they do sit down and watch games together. While Kevin is analyzing strategy and players' tactics--Seth is yelling at the TV (he'd just seem like the type even if its a Baking Show or whatever)

Kevin, being involved with Seth, means he becomes better friends with Allison. (Seth & Allison here just remain very good friends that keep in touch beyond graduation) Which means Allison sometimes buys him clothes she makes Sure he wears and Kevin kind of has no choice (Kevin thinks that maybe making friends with Allison has been one of the best calls he has made in his life)

As Seth learns to be more open and less temperamental, they both end up saying lovey-dovey shit that embarrasses both of them. Seth once said "I love your smile" and Kevin had to leave the room cause he felt like he was dying

Not to say they aren't rough around the edges, a couple fights had to be taken to Dobson's office because one or the other feared that something would end them.

Dobson is never their first choice though, Seth goes to Matt for Advice and Kevin goes to Neil (finds out that is a bad idea) and then goes to Allison.

Their first big fight surrounds the area of Seth's insecurities that we see in TFC and Kevin's large ego when it comes to Exy. It led to angry sex, but lingering resentments that Kevin knew had to be resolved after ranting to Wymack (who told him to stop whining and apologize). Which resulted in a very awkward apology conversation

After a bit they get a hang of how to handle arguments but they are rocky in the first year or so of their relationship

Seth figures out Kevin's strange relationship to food and tries to cook (and fails) to make meals more tolerable. Kevin tries to be grateful but he ends up insulting the food anyway

Whenever Seth comes along to Eden's the rest of the Monsters wake up to find Kevin & Seth in the strangest positions asleep on the couch the morning after

Adding onto Seth coming to Eden's he pulls Kevin onto the dance floor and they always end up making out in the corner or in the bathroom

Seth wears Kevin's clothes but refuses to wear the USC Hoodie Kevin has.

Seth kissing Kevin's tattoo and sarcastically saying "Your Highness" whenever he does

[speciouspessimism]

what if andreil having supports outside of each other… it does not minimize their relationship but in fact makes it healthier…

like andrew waking from a nightmare and he needs to talk to aaron. he just needs to know his brother is there, hear his voice, and then he can be done with it. or, so very rarely andrew and nicky take a trip to the columbia house, just them, for alone time away from the team (or for nicky, calling erik time), staying in their respective rooms and away from one another, but a few times a day they both emerge and cross paths and andrew will need to listen to nicky’s mindless joy ranting about everything in the world.

or neil is having a panic attack and he just really has to talk to matt! they both know comforting isn’t always andrew’s thing and every once in a while neil needs some more conventional care. he just needs to stay with wymack again for a couple days when he’s sick, and have abby tend to him and kevin stop by to argue with him about his health but also to make sure he’s taken care of properly. to walk him through delirious fever induced conversations about the nest...

[ninyard]

Hey, so you said to send you prompts... Could you talk about some things Neil starts to remember and how he copes with remembering?

Here’s the time where Neil remembers being waterboarded, because I haven’t stopped thinking about that. Like not even once. cw; torture, vomitting

-

It’s not long after the Foxes big championship win that Andrew and Neil find themselves in a too-big, too-fancy hotel room for the first time. Kevin is staying with them, but he’s busy doing something with Wymack for a couple hours.

They have no responsibilities, nothing to do other than enjoy a hotel room to themselves. They do what any other couple would reasonably do; they order a bottle of champagne, a couple of desserts, and they run a hot bath. Not for them both, in the beginning, but Neil’s muscles are sore after a tough practice with Kevin the night beforehand, so he decided to run it for himself. The water is perfect to touch, almost a perfect amount in the tub, and Andrew is sitting up on the bathroom counter with his own glass of champagne in his hands.

“This feels weird,” Neil comments, twisting the knob until the water ceases to spill from the gold coloured faucet of the bath. “Like it’s something couples do.”

“Normal couples,” Andrew corrects him, putting the glass to his lips as Neil removes his clothes one article at a time. “You’re cleaning yourself and I’m here for moral support.”

“From all the way over there?” Neil steps into the hot water. The steam from it has fogged up the mirrors already, and he slides down into the white porcelain, relaxing back until the hair at the back of his neck is darkened by the water that wets it.

“I’m comfortable.” Andrew says around the rim of the flute. “But if you’re not used to it I can show you how it’s done.”

“Why would I not be used to having a bath?” Neil scoffs, running his wet hands over his hair to slick it back off of his face.

“I can’t picture it,” he shrugs, but he doesn’t really mean it. “I don’t imagine you had many while on the run.”

Neil’s sweet laugh reverberates around the room. “You’re right, but it’s not like it’s hard. I lie here and relax until I get so warm that it feels like I’m going to pass out. Right?”

Neil shuts his eyes and sinks back until the water surrounds his face, his hearing muffled by its calming rumble. He holds his breath to dip his face under before coming back up to the surface. When he opens his eyes after wiping the water from them, he looks over as Andrew crouched next to him with a washcloth in one hand and Neil’s glass in the other. Neil takes the glass in a dripping hand, and looks at Andrew as he sips from the cold, bubbly liquid.

“Are you going to show me how it’s done?” He says, and Andrew waves him off. He slips out of his robe with ease, and gestures for Neil to move forward in the tub. There’s plenty of room for the both of them, and Andrew steps in to sit behind him, his legs on either side of Neil. Neil waits until he is comfortable before reaching out to place his glass on the floor, moving to rest his back on Andrew’s chest.

They don’t speak as Andrew dips the small square cloth into the water to brush it over the top of Neil’s back. Neil shuts his eyes. The only sound in the room is the movement of the water between them, and the relaxed breathing that leaves the both of their noses. Andrew’s free arm rests on the edge of the tub, and Neil reaches out to interlace their fingers together. It’s so calming, the warmth that surrounds them, the peace that comes with the two of them alone together like this, so normal and comfortable.

Andrew’s squeezes out the liquid from the cloth onto the top of Neil’s head, then, startling him from his thoughts.

“I was just about to say how nice this was,” he tilts his head to let the water run off of it. “Thank you for changing my mind.”

Andrew’s response is to mumble a sound that could’ve been misconstrued as an apology, until he dips the cloth back under the water, and does it again. Neil tried to take the cloth from him, and the tub squeaks as he moves around, but Andrew keeps pulling it out of his reach.

Andrew gives up when Neil gets a hold of it, accepting as the gesture is returned. Neil loves how his blonde hair darkens under water, and smiles as Andrew’s bangs flatten over his eyes. He’s not quite turned around to face Andrew, but he twists his back to push his hair back off of his face.

“Yes or no?” He asks, and Andrew opens his eyes. His cheeks are pink from the heat of the bath.

“Yes.” He answers, and Neil stretches out to kiss him softly on the lips, before plopping the sopping wet square of fabric on the top of his head. Neil is laughing as Andrew takes the cloth from his hair and throws it at him, flat against his face, but that beautiful and melodic sound does not last long. It does not last long, as Neil’s laugh leads him to inhale beneath the fabric, and his flinch is almost strong enough to send a tidal wave of water cascading out onto the tiled floor.

For a second, Neil is back in the nest.

For a second, the memory is hazy, something unfamiliar. It’s not a memory he’s had before, more like a dream than a conscious reminder of Evermore.

There’s Jean’s hands on his shoulders, or somewhere else, as they tended to be, holding him down with as more force as required to keep him still. Riko’s maniacal laughter scores the scene, as he takes a break from whatever words he’d been spewing to admire his work.

“What is it?” Riko says. No, it’s Andrew, in their hotel bathroom, with this look across his face.

The washcloth is in Neil’s hand, and he looks down to it, but he sees nothing as he lifts his head back up. He can feel it, though, the water-heavy fabric spread over his face, over his head, draped without a chance of falling off. He doesn’t scream, but he hears it, the gargle of a plea to stop, incoherent as he feels himself drowning.

He can see Andrew as he wraps his fingers around Neil’s wrists, to pull them away from the mouth that they’d found themselves clamped over. There’s too much water. Too much water that feels like it’s filling his lungs, and it’s around him, and it’s in his hair, it’s in his eyes. Even the hands that protect him are damp with liquid. With lungs unwilling to fill at all, he tries to kick the water away from him, but with every movement, it just comes back to him stronger.

“You’ll drown him,” A cry of English words dipped in a French accent passes in front of him. He can’t hear it properly at all. It’s too loud; the slapping of water on a surface, the sputtering as he desperately struggles out of the path of pouring. Jean’s strained words mean nothing to Riko, a worthless request that would only lead to a desire for Riko to fulfil such a thing. “The master will not be pleased if you do.”

Riko snaps back at him then, a bark in Japanese as the spilling water subsides. He lifts the towel, or the bedsheets, or the heavy item of clothing that covered his lips. One hand in auburn hair he holds Neil back. He remembers how he pulls his own hair from its root while trying to lean forward to get the water out of his lungs.

He is standing now, and Andrew has wrapped him in a dry bathrobe before dressing himself, and he is rubbing a towel over Neil’s skin to dry it. Neil catches a glimpse of himself in the foggy glass of the shower door beside them, his lips almost blue, and face as pale as the porcelain tub that had started to drain.

Andrew snaps his fingers to pull Neil’s attention back to him, and does it again when it is unsuccessful at evoking any reaction. Neil looks at him finally, and Andrew places one hand on his chest and the other wrapped around the back of his neck.

“Breathe,” he says, one word, like it’s an easy thing to do.

“I can’t,” Neil gasps, but his lungs fill with water with every fill he takes in.

“You can.” Andrew says, sternly. “Breathe, Neil.”

Neil breathes in deep, but with it, another unexpected splash from an emptying basin pours down his throat without reprieve. He doesn’t remember falling to the floor, but suddenly his hands are flat on cold tile, as he heaves in oxygen that refuses to fill his chest at all.

Andrew lets him fall to his knees, and he doesn’t touch him. Instead he kneels down in front of him, his presence noticeable as Neil struggles through flashes of darkness and water and water and water and water.

“Stop,” he doesn’t mean to say it. His words are clear now, not a foolishly daring gargle, but still he feels the stream that travels from the sides of his lips down his cheeks.

“You’re killing him,” Jean’s panic doesn’t help. It doesn’t help, as the idea of torturing Neil to the point of extinction is nothing more than a turn on to Riko. It doesn’t stop him from holding each side of the towel over his face and pulling it backwards, crushing his nose, the water held in its fibres forced to escape. Riko does not fear the threat of a life taken by his hand. He is nothing less than excited by it.

Neil knows fear like an old friend. Neil knows this slow-dance with death like a movie on replay - it is as familiar as it is terrifying. Something about this though, this twisted assault born from sick fascination with torture, it’s different. He wouldn’t say that it was too far, even for someone like his father, but truth be told, he’s never known fear like this. The scars on his chest from the pointed touch of his father’s knife, or the smell of burning skin beneath a hot iron, or the puckering hole left by a gunshot wound had nothing on the sadistic things that Riko even thought of doing. He didn’t know how long he sits, or stands, or lies in that room for, hands holding him down, darkness of black walls parallel to the wet fabric over his eyes - and mouth, and nose, tight around the edges with rogue breaths finding their way beneath water and the penetrable thing that it pours onto.

“It will be much more satisfying if you just hand me over to my father,” Neil’s coughs are wet after he vomits out the water that had made its way to his stomach. It’s not until he looks up, and Riko’s eyes are on Jean instead of him, that he realises he’s spoken in French. He switched to English while spitting out water through gargling burps and coughs. “The master will kill you if I don’t come out of here alive.”

“I will be happy at least,” Riko shoves two fingers down Neil’s throat while pulling on his hair. He wipes the watery puke that coats his fingers onto Neil’s face after he vomits again from the force of Riko’s touch at the back of his throat. The noise that leaves his lips is guttural and unintentional. “Perhaps a long and painful death will be enough of a lesson learned for you. Oh, aren’t you having fun?”

Andrew’s voice pulls him back, again, but this time he grips Neil’s face so tightly it will leave a mark. “Come back,” he says, or maybe it’s, “fucking breathe.”

Neil battles against the flood that fills his mouth with no escape. There’s no room for air. There’s no room to breathe.

“Ten minutes,” Jean says, and the water stops. “We cannot be late.”

Then a rogue breath slips through, and another, and another, and the bathroom comes back into focus. Andrew is sitting in front of him, his face still as he waits for Neil to come back.

It’s a while before Neil’s heart starts to slow, and the bath is long emptied.

A long time since Neil had had such a visceral reaction to the next, perhaps the worst part about it all is the reminder of how much Neil had forgotten about the treatment he’d endured at the nest. If he’d forgotten about something as serious as torture banned by the Geneva Convention, what else had happened? What else had his mind stored away, too traumatising to be kept in view? Riko’s proclivity to going so far as committing an act that is considered a war crime is as unsurprising as it is fitting. It angers Neil, much angrier than he’s felt about Riko since his death. He remembers it in terrible and vivid snippets; the things Jean said to him afterwards, the smile on Riko’s face as he watched Neil come back from the brink over and over and over again. He remembers drying himself off afterwards to pull gear on over his head to start their evening practices with water in his lungs and a blur over his eyes. All he had wanted to do was sleep. Jean had helped him shower afterwards as he fought through laboured breath while avoiding the spray of water.

“Where were you?” Andrew asks, quietly, as neither of them dare to move.

It frustrated Neil to be unable to find the exact location of the incident in his head. Were they in the locker room? Or had a door locked behind them, keeping the Ravens out, who pretended to ignore the muffled screams as they walked past?

“Evermore,” Neil answers, and it doesn’t seem to be the answer Andrew is expecting. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Andrew doesn’t need the clarification, but still he nods.

“Riko,” Neil looks at his hands, and they’re shaking as he flexes his fingers. “He fucking waterboarded me. And I forgot.”

A flash of unmedicated rage crosses in front of Andrew’s vision. He doesn’t seem to have the right words to say, no response appropriate enough to explain what he wished he could do to the king.

“I’d kill him if I could,” Neil rests his fists on the floor. “I wish I pulled that trigger myself.”

“And still it wouldn’t be enough,” Andrew agrees. It’s hard to talk about the nest, even with him, especially with him. They both are too aware of what happened over those few weeks, in Evermore, in Easthaven. Neil knows too well how Andrew hates how he was unable to protect him. “Talk to me.”

“He would’ve killed me,” Neil says. “He would’ve kept going if we didn’t have to practice.”

Andrew can’t hide his grimace. It’s the part about Exy that he fears Kevin or Neil will find themselves toxically invested in - he occasionally worries their investment is born from necessity instead of true purpose. He sees their passion, clear as day, but that part that fears a life without it sometimes felt like it swallowed their passion whole.

“What do you need?” He asks.

“To know he’s burning in hell for the rest of eternity,” Neil pushes himself up to a standing position, and Andrew follows. Andrew doesn’t exactly hold out his arms, but something about his body language invites him close. As Neil steps into his space, he reaches out to hold his neck, as he hovers a hand over Andrew’s chest until he nods in permission for him to place it. Neil rests him head on Andrew’s shoulder as the goalkeepers fingers hold the damp hair at the back of his neck. “I have to talk to Kevin.”

Andrew doesn’t respond.

He simply holds Neil for as long as it takes for him to ground himself back on earth.

[afurtivecake]

To me, reading about Neil in TSC is like seeing a grandchild for the first time in a while, like, "Look at you!! You've grown so much!!!"

This skittish, feral kid from the first book who looks and acts like some poorly socialized creature fished out of a dumpster who doesn't know how to have or be friends, is now out there doing his best to take care of another poorly-socialized, skittish and feral kid.

One thing about Neil is that he learns from other peoples' examples. He picks up their wording and phrasing. Like in TSC with "I have him":

(Renee says it to Neil about Jean and then later Neil says it to Wymack about Jean)

Or with the phrase, "You were amazing":

(Matt says it to Dan and Nicky says it to Neil. When Neil says it for the first time to Andrew, it almost feels out of character for him--like he's trying out a new thing he's never done before. And because it's unusual for Neil, both in the sincerity and in the wording, he hopes it's enough to let Andrew know that he wouldn't have left if he had a choice. And then later Neil says it to Dan and the team, it sounds more natural and Dan is not-so-secretly really chuffed about it.)

Like, look at him! He's LEARNING! He's learning how to people!

The clearest example of Neil's growth is him putting to use stuff he's learned from Wymack on how to care for people in distress (asking Jean what he needs, telling Jean not to blame himself for other people's choices)

Like remember when he was feeling guilty about Seth's death and Wymack was telling him in TFC that he can't blame himself for Seth's death even if it was Riko's doing because Riko was the one who "chose to cross a line", not Neil? Later Neil uses the same words to comfort Nicky who's feeling guilty about the Drake incident. Even though he doesn't fully believe it himself (he and Andrew have that whole verbal knife fight flinging blame at each other and he still feels guilty as fuck about Drake), he has learned that those are words that could help and so he gives them to Nicky. You get to see that lesson fully sink in when Neil tells Jean with absolute conviction that Grayson "strung the noose himself". Neil's saying that he's not going to feel guilty about Grayson and neither should Jean.

yea, my weird take on Neil Josten is that he makes me feel like a proud granny.

[captainkirkk]

✩ WEEKLY FIC ROUND-UP ✩

NOTE: I had originally planned on adding my Natsume Yuujinchou fic recs to this one too, but I've been reading way too many recently so I'll be creating a post just for that fandom in a couple of weeks. Keep your eye out for that.

The Nine Worlds series (Hands of the Emperor)

two days five hours by ariex09

Jullanar didn’t realize anything was wrong until the newspaper boy yelped in panic, until she was turning back to see the paper Fitzroy was holding on fire, a conflagration held in one hand, his eyes liquid gold with magic and his voice perfectly empty when he said, “No. That can’t be right. There’s been a mistake.”

-

In which an adventure in progress is thoroughly derailed by news of the presumed death of the Viceroy of Zunidh.

Plausible Deniability and Pineapple by toffeecape

In which the Last Emperor of Astandalas and Lord of Zunidh is an unbonded sentinel (as if he didn't have enough problems) and Cliopher sayo Mdang rejects the entire classist and culturally imperialistic sentinel/guide paradigm out of hand and offers his Radiancy… almost the exact same thing, honestly, but done their way.

Shadowhunters

To serve and protect by ToTheStarsWriting

From the moment there’d been shadowhunters, there had been the guardians. Those willing to go above and beyond their people, their Institutes. Ones willing to bind themselves through magic and rune with a warlock. To pledge their lives to one another, and to the fight against the hordes of hell.

These days the Guardians weren’t nearly so common. It was rare for a warlock to be able to find a shadowhunter who would willingly do the oath with them. Even if some thought it a great honor in the beginning. that had clearly changed. Now, the only time Alec saw any hint of the peace that was said to once exist between the denizens of the shadow world was at events like these. One week, every five years, where all parties gathered together in a ritual as old as their race.

Alec had been interested, once, until he realized what it would mean. Giving up his life, his Institute, his family? A Guardian had to be prepared to let all of that go. Their life became the whim of their bonded and the War. Where their bonded went, they went. And with a lot of the new rules against Downworlders, that meant that there would be so many places a shadowhunter gave up ever seeing again. He couldn’t abandon his people like that.

AFTG

i swear that i'm a good kid by perchancetosleep

“Oh, and Jean?” The guidance counselor's voice has him pausing in the doorframe. “Kevin Day has restarted at this school while you were suspended. Both your guardian and his father have requested that you stay away from him. There will be consequences if you do not heed these wishes.”

Jean can’t keep the shock off of his face as he stalks out of the office. The last time he had seen Kevin, he was depositing him on Wymack’s doorstep with a poorly bandaged hand, a note he had stolen from Tetsuji’s office, and enough benzos in him to stop him from fighting Jean the whole way there.

For about a month after that, Jean held onto hope that Kevin would come back for him, or that he would tell someone about Evermore and they would all get out.

That hope has long since died.

[otdiaftg]

The King's Men - Chapter Fifteen (17)

Day: Friday, March 22nd / 23rd* Time: 9:00 PM EST

Wymack looks around when he is done and asks, "Anyone else have something to say?" Dan raps the butt of her racquet against the floor. "We're halfway there. Let's wipe the floor with these assholes and then get wasted. Tell me someone has alcohol back at the dorm. ABC will be closed by the time the game is over and I'm down to half a case of beer." Nicky grimaces at the expectant look she sends him. "Not enough to make up for this. We went through most of it Monday." "Something's better than nothing, I guess," Matt says, a little dejectedly. "Katelyn has some," Aaron says without looking up from where he is tightening his net. "Between her and the Vixens we might get a decent haul." Surprise wipes the disappointment off his teammates' faces; the Foxes flick quick looks between Aaron and Andrew as they wait for a reaction. Andrew is as usual standing alone on the far side of the room. He doesn't say anything, and his bored expression doesn't so much as twitch at the sound of Katelyn's name. Aaron finally looks up, but he looks to Dan, not Andrew. "Unless you don't want it?" Dan sends a cautious look at Andrew. "Uh, yeah. Sure. If they've got some to share, the more the merrier. Right?" The last is directed at Andrew, a careful prod expecting a violent reaction. Andrew stares into space and continues to ignore all of them. Aaron nods as if this isn't at all a strange turn of events and sets his racquet aside. "I'll get a headcount when we're back down there. We can borrow the basement study room again." "Uh," Matt says. "Don't," Neil says, cutting him off before he could ask the obvious.

Art used with permission by Hamrikaa. Thank you @hamrikaa!

*Due to the Leap Year, I have opted to highlight the day rather than the date to keep the events in occurrence to the 2007 year. I will continue to mark both days accordingly.

[jtl-fics]

In honor of April Fools day I will talk a bit about an AU with my favorite fool - (Redacted) Smith that I will probably never write fully but have thought about a bunch of scenes for.

I call it 2 Fluent Freshmen.

Due to a clerical error at both the school and during the local government's push to digitize their documents Smith is noted down as being 2 years older than he actually is and (perhaps a clerical error or maybe no teacher can say if they've had him in class or not) Smith also has enough credits to graduate. Gran has passed away early and there's nothing for him in Washington other than more anxiety.

Wymack & Dan come to Smith when he is 16 and Smith takes the chance to escape from his family IMMEDIATELY. Sure the Foxes are the worst team and sure there's some drama going on with Kevin Day having joined them after his injury but a full ride scholarship is a full ride scholarship!

Smith is rooming with 2 upperclassmen and his only other fellow freshman - Neil Josten. He is not hiding the fact that he can speak Russian, he is hiding the fact that he is 16. Smith ends up pretty close to Seth and Allison due to sharing a dorm / position respectively and just doing his best not to get to close to crazy Andrew Minyard. He does get a bit close with Neil but it's not something he's trying to do.

He's trying to keep his head down and get through the year.

It's a little hard when he is sat on the couch with the Kathy Ferdinand show. It's a lot harder when Riko Moriyama shows up and doesn't realize he's there and just...sits in Smith's lap?? Smith remains as blank faced as ever and what the fuck is Riko supposed to do? ADMIT HE FUCKED UP?

Do you know how hard it is to intimidate someone when you're sitting in the lap of some dude? The answer is VERY. Kevin can't take him seriously at all, especially after Smith made a comment that Riko's ass was bony.

Riko goes after them the same but Smith doesn't really get that his anger is at Kevin. "Hey, I'm sorry I called your butt bony on national television. That was rude of me. You should try some squats though." and like what the fuck is Riko supposed to say in the face of some dude genuinely apologizing to him.

It buys enough time that no one is grabbed or slammed.

Seth and Allison drag him out to the bar that night and after a few minutes sitting with Allison Smith realizes that he actually does have to pee and oh god someone's trying to assault Seth! Smith calls upon the powers of Gracie Hart and Seth has a black eye and a concussion but he graduates.

Neil wants Smith to come with him to the Thanksgiving because Neil has latched on a bit. Smith ends up going and also ends up going upstairs to go to the bathroom because oh god he cannot handle Nicky's parents hearing him take an anxiety shit. He's making his way to the end of the hall and sees a penny on the ground so he bends over to grab it.

And Drake Spears is unbalanced from missing his swing and falls right out the open window to the ground below where he breaks his neck. Naturally, Andrew is watching this scene unfold from the stairs and just starts to laugh his ass off. Smith turns around after flipping the penny over (it was tails side up and therefore not lucky) unaware of what has happened.

Smith asks if Andrew wants to use the bathroom. Andrew insists that Smith goes on ahead. The Hemmicks keep asking if they saw anyone upstairs and Smith has no idea what they're talking about, Andrew does but plays dumb out of spite. A day later it's wild that Nicky's parents got arrested. Like they seemed so normal, how did they kill someone and dump him in the side garden??

The Winter Banquet happens and well...it's dark. It's dark and Neil has brown hair and brown eyes and Smith has brown hair and brown eyes. Riko is not the best at judging heights so he calls Smith to threaten him and tell him that he's joining the Ravens for a Winter Break training camp. Jean is doing the most anyone has ever done not to laugh right now.

Riko only realizes his mistake when he's finished threatening Smith with his father and Smith ruins it. Smith is elated to have somewhere to stay over winter break. He can't mention he has nowhere to go so he'd thought he'd spend the break homeless. Now here comes Riko Moriyama inviting him to a camp where room and board will be provided?

What a nice guy. To thank him Smith compliments the gains he's noticed on Riko's ass. "The squats are really helping you, or are you doing something else?" he asks.

What the fuck is Riko supposed to do? ADMIT THAT HE FUCKED UP? Tell Smith that he's been doing squats and leg lifts before asking that he hand the tickets back and go get Neil???

Fuck that.

He'll just turn Smith against the Foxes and-

Well Riko kept talking about Smith's dead dad and so Smith may have a slight misunderstanding about the full scope of this training camp. He may think that there is some sort of seance element to it at this point and he's kind of excited at the idea of talking to his dad. "I've never spoken to a dead man before, this will be fun." and it's delivered flatly with no expression.

Riko starts to wonder if maybe Smith is the Butcher's son? Did the Butcher have two sons? He's sweating all the sudden.

It does not help that Smith brings a Ouija board to camp or that his dad was a legit Butcher before he died so Riko's tentative questioning only sends him further into an anxious mess about if Nathan had twins and Riko, due to being kept away from the family business, might just not be aware of it?

Smith has a nice Christmas break.

The last scene I've got dinging around in the noggin is in Binghamton. Smith has been left behind at many a stadium at this point. There's a solid and fast rule.

Neil cannot get on the bus without Smith. They are buddies. This is the buddy system. So when the riot starts and Neil seems to be getting pulled away in the crowd?

Well Smith grabs his hand and pulls him towards the bus, "Buddy system."

The bus starts and they're on their way shortly after. Neil's an anxious wreck but that next morning he wakes up to the news that the Butcher of Baltimore died in an FBI raid the night before as well as his men.

Smith watches the news with Neil, "Wow, that's scary." as he sips some orange juice.

[dc-takeover]

Batfam and who I love think they’d be closest to in the Foxes.

Bruce and Wymack. They bond on being a single dad of “I lost track at some point” many kids that were in shitty situations that only one of which is biological. They’d get together every so often and eat pizza and drink (Wymack would at least) and share stories of the insane things their kids have done that week.

Dick Grayson would be Kevin because they both strive to be the best. Or at least the best they can. They both have the most and more extensive experience. (It’s totally not bc they’re both hot and know it and their confidence bounces back and forth between them expanding even more and more and they live for then high that is confidence.)

Jason’s would be Andrew. They both have irreparable trauma and pain caused by a “family” member and have agreed to never talk about it but they were safe places to let anger out in. It’s very much a “I hate you /srs” but it’s mutually beneficial. (He’d also befriend Seth if somehow he’s still alive *cough cough* Lazarus pit *cough cough* they’d be “why can’t you just let me die?” buddies.)

Time Drake would probably be closest to Neil (esp post trk). I don’t know a whole lot about Tim’s character but I heard he harassed Batman into letting him be Robin? It just seems like something Neil would do. They’re enablers for each other before anything else in their friendship.

Damian would try and avoid the entire team but found himself enjoying Rene’s presence. He found her non-forceful openness about her religion comforting and they bonded on having a sense of spirituality and religion. (Idk if it’s canon but I’m assuming the LOA have a form of religion/worship).

The girls would befriend Allison bc Allison is at heart a girls girl and they’re tired of being surrounded by men and boys. Barbs doesn’t even get a break bc all she has otherwise is her dad. They go on girls days and have movies nights and stuff and they’d all three rock shit for either of the other two. (Metal water bottles have been chucked and some noses broken)

Dukes would be Aaron. I don’t much about duke but from the few medias I’ve seen he’s very intelligent and I assume he likes learning new information so they would gravitate towards each other bc Aaron wants to yap and Duke will not only listen to the yapping but yap back to ask questions.

[cultpastorkevin]

Kevin Day & Grief:

how can you grieve the loss of an abuser?

aight let’s just get right into yet another psycho-analysis of Kevin Day and his messed up life; I’ll be using quotes from the EC

“Kevin does not react well to Riko's death at all, and this is a problem for a while considering what Riko's done to the Foxes. But Kevin & Riko have a long and complicated history.”

It is a very heavy and sharp type of grief to carry, when the person you mourn is someone who did terrible things to you and others. It’s not easy. It makes you feel guilty for missing them, makes you full of regret and “what ifs”. Grief is not rational, it’s something that tries to drown and take everything it can with it. Kevin is aware of what Riko was like, was well versed in the things he did and said. But he knew Riko before it all, he knew Riko when they could barely put their own shoes on. He saw Riko’s changes firsthand. He’s grieving everything that Tetsuji stole from the both of them. He remembers Riko in ways no one else ever will. The burden of seeing someone you love turn into the very thing you’re afraid of, is a heavy one to bear. It is even more heavy to know that everything that was good about them, dies with you.

Anger is always quick to rear its ugly head after the initial shock and the tears wear off, and it’s an emotionally bloody affair. Anger caused by sadness is one of the most gut wrenching kinds of anger, because there’s really nothing you can do about it but let it pass. You’re stuck feeling it, you have no choice. So yeah, Kevin was definitely angry. Angry at what Riko did to him, angry at the fact he’s outliving him, angry that he’s gone and angry because fuck, he shouldn’t be feeling this way, it’s not fair to everyone he’s harmed. For the first time in his life, he might’ve even hated Exy. All it has done is take from him the people that he loves, and playing is an eternal and constant reminder that he has succeeded Kayleigh and Riko. Picking up that racquet reminds him of his hand, and in turn, of Riko, who even at his worst was still loved by Kevin. And at the lowest points of his grief, seated in a bathtub and drunk off his ass, sorrow sometimes made Kevin wish it had been him instead.

“Wymack has to send the rest of the team back to South Carolina with Abby. Kevin is too numb to be moved yet.”

Kevin was so devastated he could not be moved; whether this is meant literally or in a “he didn’t have the energy to leave the house” kinda way, it’s still sad. Being so crippled by an emotion as heavy as grief that you cannot leave the home is hard. It’s painful. You’re dissociated and everything is a blur. You don’t register time passing. Eating, drinking, doing basic things all go out the window. And we all know what Kevin is like. He’s a routine oriented, night practice, calorie counting health nut who lives and breathes exy. He was so distressed that this man did not move and that means most likely, he did not fucking practice either. Kevin’s life ground to a halt for a second time because of Riko.

“It's a problem for a while because the Foxes' knee-jerk reaction to his devastated reaction is ugly. It'll take time for them to try and understand where he's coming from. Even Aaron has an awful opinion on the matter since he knows Riko was behind Drake. Renee attempts to play peacekeeper, but Wymack is the one who has to break his rule to stay out of their personal lives so he can try and fix things. He, Abby, and Betsy bring the Foxes to Abby's place two & three at a time to let them react and tirade in private. It's not enough, but it's a start.”

Kevin is not allowed to grieve without being guilted or punished for it in some way. He has never known a grief experience where he was completely supported during it. When his mother died, he was stuck with Tetsuji and Riko. He never learned how to grieve properly or healthily, and being attacked by the foxes for even feeling something didn’t fucking help. Wymack is the only (and probably first) person in his life who stayed by his side for this. Wymack went to the funeral, he stayed until Kevin could handle going back home. Wymack saw Kevin shatter and knew that he needed time to try to glue himself back together before the team inevitably caused him to crack again.

Wymack, Abby and Bee having to step in is all kinds of upsetting. Imagine having to basically set up impromptu vent sessions for your entire team because they cannot keep their personal feelings to themselves and can’t let a teammate grieve in peace. Granted the foxes aren’t exactly pinnacles of emotional regulation or maturity, but the least they could’ve done was leave Kevin alone (and let Neil and Andrew handle him)

“By the time they meet up again in the fall, the Foxes have attempted to forgive him his issues, because they understand from a logical standpoint that it's conditioned devotion.”

The foxes have every right to not grieve Riko, they have every right to hate him. They didn’t have the right to take it out on Kevin and isolate him even further from the group. It is a jarring feeling to be looked down on for mourning a loss. He did not need to be forgiven for his mourning. He did not need to apologize for missing Riko. His grief wasn’t something to be loathed. At the end of the day, Riko and Kevin were everything and nothing to each other. They operated on a delicate line of balance that shouldn’t have been able to be created. Their push and pull dictated every breath both of them took. Yeah, it was conditioned devotion in the end. But it didn’t start that way.

“Kevin Day goes on to be hailed the best player in the sport, the striker all future generations are compared to. The Jackie Robinson, the Wayne Gretsky, the bend it like Beckham. When the ERC constructs a Hall of Fame, Kevin Day is the first player to be honored.”

When Kevin received this honor, for a split second, he wished Riko was alive to share it. They started this dream together, after all. Only one of them being alive at the end is perhaps the biggest anguish of all.

[fandomroulette]

Multishipper Madness pt 1

I thought it would be fun to rank my favourite aftg ships for each character. Starting things off with Neil Josten himself. Fair warning, it gets goofy.

1. Neil/Andrew (top Neil pairing, I love their canon relationship, I also love seeing them still together in AUs)

2. Neil/Matt/Dan (genuinely so underrated, pairs best with Kandrew universes imo)

3. Neil/Jean (Raven!aus or Andrew has to be gone for some other reason, but I Love me some misplaced forever partners)

4. Neil/Andrew/Kevin (a classic, I like romantic and qpr versions)

5. Neil/Jean/Kevin (Raven!aus only)

6. Neil/Kevin (can usually only picture them as pre-Kandriel, but I love versions of things where they get together first and Andrew angsts for a while about being left out)

7. Neil/Aaron (Andrew has to be gone, but then it's a guilty fave)

8. Neil/Matt (Kandrew universes/ when Matt and Dan are polyam but they don't open things up until after she moves away)

9. Neil/Andrew/Renee (ok hear me out, I love a version of things where Andrew and Renee have a long standing fwb arrangement - they care for each other but it's not exactly romantic (she's aromantic and he's demiromantic) and then Renee notices Andrew falling Hard for Neil and just supports him endlessly. Neil is initially wary of getting in the way of what they have and Renee is unsure of whether she should back away from things but while Neil is slow to warm up to her I'm a sucker for imagining Renee and Neil as eventually Very close even if it never turns sexual or romantic between the two of them. I just think they would be able to understand each other so well)

10. Neil/Ichirou (butcher!Neil AUs, not usually my thing but every once in a while)

11. Neil/Allison/Seth (fwb only, obv this doesn't exactly jive with Neil's canon sexuality but I love the idea of Allison and Seth trying to one up each other by both trying to seduce Neil and he's just 1000% done with them most of the time but he's also like "sure keep trying to piss each other off by providing me with orgasms")

12. Neil/Wymack (cancel me. Look, it's not like I think it makes canon sense, I just think it would be hot and also melt Kevin's brain in a way I find hilarious)

[ifitmeanslosingyouthenno]

when everything was lost

day 3 whumptober prompt: "set up for failure"

neil and andrew have known each other for longer before neil is taken by nathan

they might have met younger, like maybe seattle and mary happened earlier, and neil ended up around san francisco at the time andrew still lived with the spears, maybe they met before andrew went to juvie, maybe they met at juvie

or maybe neil is able to stay at palmetto for a few more years, maybe he’s not a fox at all, maybe he’s just a casual resident at palmetto that andrew meets outside of exy and they end up becoming friends, and then something more, and then something more

(actually the second alternative seems nicer lol lets go with that)

shit with the foxes is simultaneously worse and better, worse exy wise, bc if there’s no neil, they never unify as a team, and they still fight and they’re still a mess, and they don’t get quite as close to finals

but better bc with no neil, riko’s schemes are not as lethal, not as violent, not as traumatic 

but the foxes are not the point oops sorry

the point is that neil is just a random resident of palmetto who pretends to be a student to reap from the benefits of a college campus, and who happens to have something with andrew minyard, and who’s still on the run from nathan

and like, meeting andrew was not something he ever expected, meeting someone with whom he instantly connected, even if it wasn’t positive at first, was not something he ever expected

bc neil doesn’t have the money to pay college tuition and he doesn’t get a scholarship in this universe, so he just lives around palmetto but since he looks like he’s college aged, he’s realized ways of sneaking into the library, and the gym, and even the cafeteria if he’s lucky

it’s by chance or maybe fate that they keep running into each other: at the gym early in the morning before anyone else has arrived, at the library during the afternoons so that he can at least read up some books and use the computers sometimes, at the nearby cafe late at night

and the thing is that andrew clocked him the moment he noticed him stalling outside the gym one morning, waiting for someone else to use their student id to open the door and ask them to hold it for him, and the moment he caught him doing it twice

their first interaction is andrew calling neil out on his bullshit

bc andrew finds him so endlessly interesting while high out of his mind and well he’s kinda hot so 

and well, when they keep running into each other and andrew always reminds him of the fact that he knows the truth, neil can’t help but to tease him and fuck with him a bit, bc he literally only has sarcasm as his weapon at the time

and like, neil doesn’t notice it and andrew doesn’t admit it until after he comes off the drugs, that the more they run into each other, the more used they grow to each other’s bullshit and they actually look forward to running into each other

one night at the cafe andrew sits on the booth in front of him and just goes for it, just asks neil the truth, asks him why he keeps on pretending he’s a student, asks if he’s homeless

and neil throws all of mary’s teachings out the window bc let’s be real if andrew wanted to hurt neil he would have done it a long time ago, admits that yeah, he’s homeless at the moment, and that he’s going to make use of PSU’s utilities until someone who can actually report him figures him out 

andrew asks him why, and neil, tired and honestly done with the circus show that is his life, tells him, while looking him straight in the eye, that his father is a psychopath who murdered his mother after years of abusing them both and he’s on the run from him, figuring that andrew wasn’t a threat to him

and boy andrew is a sucker for honesty

andrew offers him safety, and neil warns him against it, “im more trouble than im worth”

andrew kindly disagrees

idk the logistics but he starts sneaking neil into the foxhole court at night so he has a place to sleep, to shower, to rest

(wymack knows btw lol he just gives andrew a knowing look after there are missing sports drinks from abby’s fridge, and looks the other way, bc he knows andrew wouldn’t be housing someone who could be dangerous for them just for the fun of it. and if he starts leaving food and snacks in his office well that’s no one’s business)

slowly, through months of meeting up for coffee or a drink or at the library or at a diner, or whatever, they grow closer, they start trusting each other with truths here and there, and neither has ever had this before, never had anyone they could trust and rely on and know that wouldn’t judge them for what they’ve done and wouldn’t pity them for what they have been through

it’s until one night, halfway through andrew’s fourth year, that neil kisses him, bc the’ve both been pining for each other for way too long and neil is fucking tired of waiting for andrew to take the first step

things are good for him, he has a boyfriend, and he meets some of the foxes, and if he starts staying the night at the dorms the only person who starts complaining is aaron (who gets over it when andrew drops their deal) and well

he’s happy, he’s not in the spotlight, he hasn’t seen any of his fathers people for years

he’s safe

he should have known better

the countdown comes at the end of andrew’s last year and he knows, even if he has no proof, that this is it

he runs the moment it hits him, how he could have had this, how he’s been troublefree for years, and now that he has something, someone, who makes him look forward to waking up everyday, it all comes crashing down on him

he can’t stop himself from going back tho, bc if he’s going to lose it all, he might as well enjoy his last days

ultimately, he knew he never should have hoped for a happy ending, he knew he was set for failure the moment he was born, the moment he grew up and didn’t have his father’s murderous desire, the moment his mother took him and ran, the moment she died, the moment he decided to settle here

he knew he was never meant to succeed, he was never meant to survive this war

his end was bound to happen, one way or another, eventually

they come for him when the foxes (when andrew) is away for a game, when it’s only him at the dorms, when a message with a dooming 0 arrived just before andrew left and neil kissed him with enough force to bruise 

he doesn’t make a fuss when they come, just makes sure his phone and bag are in the couch, with letters explaining the full truth inside the duffel, with letters apologizing and guiding andrew to the very last of his money, with clear instructions of how to call the police and his uncle stuart and what to tell them

when lola comes knocking, he crosses over the door with teary eyes but nothing but defiance 

he may be going down tonight, he may be losing this fight, and he may be losing the most important person he never dreamed to have

but if he’s going to lose it all, if he’s going to lose this, if he’s going to lose andrew, then they’re going to lose too

it doesn’t make the hours of torture any easier, it doesn’t make death easier, it doesn’t take away the knowledge that he came close to having a happy ending and failed in the end

(what hurts the most is the knowledge that he’s left andrew behind, with nothing but a burden of the truth)

sorry i kinda lost track of what the prompt was lmao

not my favorite thing i've written but it is what it is

[foxufortunes]

Hang on I'm having a Kevin Defender moment. Like I know the Kevin and Jean and the Nest situation is pretty polarising for a lot of people, but I do think we're kind of too harsh on Kevin about it sometimes. Like, you it's a bit weird that was never hear of how close he and Jean were in the Nest, but then you can rationalise that by saying a lot of Kevin's really harsh recovery (the "omg what have I do let me go back I need to go back and save Jean" period) was likely done off screen pre-Neil. And then, pre-Neil goes to the Nest, Neil wasn't actually that friendly with the Monsters. Most of what we hear of Kevin and the Ravens isn't from Kevin, it's from people like Nicky and Wymack. And let's be real, Neil probably wouldn't have cared even if he had been told about Jean, the boy's mind is very focused and Jean is not one of the things it's focused on. So that can all sorta be made sense of.

But then you've got TSC and the EC and what went down. And this is framed from Jean's pov so of course he's hurt. Kevin used him as a distraction to get out of the Nest in a desperate situation and because he revealed the secret of their both knowing French, and this put Jean in a worse position. Sure, but Kevin was begging to be helped. He was being beaten within an inch of his life and bones broken and his one reason for living destroyed. And maybe I read wrong or missed something, but Jean didn't help him. He tried to fix him up after sure, but he didn't help him. And, while it's fine to say that Jean couldn't step in because then he'd be beaten, why then think that Kevin shouldn't be any less selfish? His "if you ever cared about me, distract him" (I can't remember the exact quote off the top of my head) could just have easily been "you didn't help me when he broke my hand, so do it now". Because, let's be real, the books are very clear on this, if Kevin didn't leave the Nest, he would be dead by now. Exy is his only reason for living as much as it is Riko's. Without it, he wouldn't have survived. And that's not to say Jean doesn't have the right to be bitter and hurt by Kevin's actions, (these are two hurt, abused boys, they're going to be messy and angry as much as people like Andrew are messy and angry just in a different way) but that for a fandom who loves to insist their narrators are unreliable you sure do rely on them and take their view of things as true and accurate and the right way to feel a lot. They're all right and they're all wrong. That's what happens with messy traumatised people and cults.

[ninyard]

how do you think andrew and aaron’s relationship changes after the trial?

(i’m so annoyed i wrote a really long detailed answer for this and then stupid tumblr mobile got rid of it so lemme try again)

i think that after the trial andrew and aaron’s relationship changes for the worse, for a while, until both of them are in a place to make it better.

aaron disappears for a while after the trial - he goes away with katelyn, maybe staying with her parents or in some hotel in a state far away from south carolina. they spend some refreshing time together without the crushing weight of the trial haunting their every second. he cries a lot, that week or two, every now and again hit with the relief of freedom and the guilt of knowing he did kill someone, at the end of the day. he may not be guilty, he may be free, but a man died by his hand. it’s so fresh as well, everything having been recounted over the past week and a bit. but it’s the first thing they do when he gets home after they receive his not guilty judgement; they leave, and he doesn’t talk to anyone other than her for however long they go for.

before that, during the trial, aaron breaks down after andrew’s testimony. he knew it would be hard but hearing it out loud, so detailed, so monotone. andrew doesn’t fuck around with the lawyers. he says it like it is, he states the facts. aaron was expecting him to be a nightmare on the stand, but no, he’s perfect, he’s telling them everything, oh god he’s telling them everything. it destroys aaron. he’s wrecked with guilt, thinking about how much andrew has done for him in his life, how little he feels he’s given him in return. and he can’t stop thinking about everything all at once; remember the way andrew sleeps? with his back to the wall and a knife under his pillow? how he can’t stand those certain words, how he can’t be touched? how he was when you met him for that first time? how he was when you started living together?

it reframes his entire relationship with andrew, his entire view of him as a person, and it kills him to think about how his brother actually went through this. he’s not lying because he thinks it’s funny, he’s telling the truth. after andrew testifies, until the end of the trial, aaron is a numb emotionless mess. every second of his days are spent thinking about andrew andrew andrew. the guilt he feels over causing this, causing andrew to talk about his past, the past he kept well hidden for an obviously good reason. he can’t look andrew in the eye, not because he necessarily views him differently, but because it hurts him so badly to remember the words that left his lips on the stand.

andrew is the same, in some ways. he already isolated himself for a week before the trial, staying in wymack’s place, not talking to anyone for fear the sickening feeling in his stomach would escape. he takes to the stand, and he’s shaking, but he can’t look at anyone other than the lawyer. he can’t look at aaron, who sits with his mouth ajar beneath a hand that covers it in shock. he can’t look at neil, on the right side of the room, trying his hardest not to react to the excruciating details. he can’t look at cass, on the left side of the room, her husbands hands intertwined in hers, a tissue in her free hand blotting the leaky eyes she’s had since day one. he can’t look at the jury, judging him for his criminal record, for his mental health, for his sexuality and his past.

when he leaves, he doesn’t even talk to neil. he gets in his car, he drops them all off at fox tower, and he immediately drives to reddin. he doesn’t say anything to betsy, either, but he sits next to the window in her office and smokes his way through a packet of cigarettes for an hour or two before he’s able to bring himself to leave. he still goes to the rest of the trial for aaron’s sake, but every time he hears a whimper from cass on the other side of the room, he feels sick. everytime he hears drakes name, he hears the lawyers trying to pin a murder charge on his brother, it twists him up inside. he has as much anxiety about the verdict as aaron does. he feels guilty about what he has caused, too, fearing aaron going to prison because he was protecting him. because he killed the man andrew had been dreaming of killing for years.

the trial ends, and andrew stays with wymack for another few days until he’s ready to return, and he speaks to betsy in some manner every day for a week or two, whether it be via a phone call or an emergency session.

when aaron comes back, they avoid each other unintentionally. mostly unintentionally, anyway, but neither have anything to say. there’s no words that’ll be enough. aaron cancels their next few sessions with bee, and andrew doesn’t seek him out at all. i think for a while after the trial neither of them can stomach looking the other in the eye, and it’s not just because of andrew’s testimony, either, it’s everything altogether that causes this terrible drift they’d been working hard to repair.

the first time they talk to each other again is six weeks later in bees office, where andrew finally looks at aaron and says, i’d do it again to keep you here. and aaron loses it. he sobs, apologising and melting down, and andrew hates it, but bee steps in to stop him from stopping aaron. it’s not enough, it never will be, nuts it’s the first step on a looooooooong road they have together. but they understand each other that little bit more, and in the end i think it makes them closer. it just takes a very, very long time to get there.

[codename-adler]

all i’m saying is, did Kayleigh Day really die?

we never did “see” a body after all. no proof from a trustworthy source, at least. sure, it’s on theme for the found family of assholes with no parental supervision whatsoever, but what if?

all i’m saying is, Kayleigh Day did not need to die, so did she really?

Tilda Minyard needed to die, because it was the only way to get her out of the way for good and to stop her from hurting Aaron. she needed to die because the twins needed to go to Nicky, and the twins needed an unforgivable rift thrown between them. and Andrew personally saw to that. confirmed kill #1.

Mary Hatford needed to die, because it was the only way to unleash Neil and push him in the Foxes’ arms. she needed to die because without her Neil is let loose, halfway there to freedom, and Andrew. she’s the trigger. and Neil personally witnessed her demise. confirmed kill #2.

Seth Gordon needed to die, because the Foxes had to come together. did he od by accident? on purpose? was there a certain mafia involved? we don’t know. but Wymack called, and the Foxes did go on without him, for the better. confirmed kill #3.

Drake Spear needed to die because he’s an evil monster piece of shit. Aaron personally got rid of the trash. confirmed kill #4.

Kengo Moriyama needed to die, because Riko Moriyama needed to die. and Ichirou needed to pull the trigger on the last one. Ichirou would never come into power were his father not dead for good. confirmed kill #5.

Nathan Wesninski needed to die, because Neil needed to be real, and free. Nathan needed to die because as long as he was alive, Neil couldn’t keep on living, could never stop running. Neil personally lived the moment he was set free by his uncle. even the FBI collected the leftover garbage. confirmed kill #6.

Riko Moriyama didn’t necessarily need to die, but he did. shot fast and true. karma came and collected, by the hand of Ichirou. confirmed kill #7.

what do all of these deaths have in common? trustful information. absolutely no gray area; done deal. also, major turning plot points unsolvable by anything else than death. none of the resolutions or conflicts work unless there is an absolute zero chance of the threat coming back. the story cannot progress if any of these characters comes back from the dead, and so the narrative makes it explicitly clear that each of them is cold turkey.

except Kayleigh Day. the only two nebulous circumstances surrounding death in the series are Seth’s and Kayleigh’s. both deaths are Moriyama-tainted. however, Seth’s case is unsolved because we’ll never know who really pulled the plug. Wymack, the only trustworthy reference, confirms Seth’s death without a shadow of a doubt.

Kayleigh’s death is reported by the Moriyamas.

Kayleigh needed to be removed, because Tetsuji and Riko needed Kevin for themselves.

Kayleigh’s death is the only “accident” in the series, outside of Seth, but as previously said, there’s reasonable doubt there too.

Kayleigh’s death is the only pre-canon death that does not show a body. Andrew took care of Tilda; Neil took care of Mary.

Kayleigh’s death is the only one reported by the enemy.

Kayleigh’s death is the only one not discussed in heavy details.

all clues point to the Moriyamas orchestrating her car accident, but what if it’s more? what if it goes as far as faking her death? what if she’s alive somewhere, sequestered? what if she’s alive somewhere, undercover?

as TKM ends, we witness the beginning of Tetsuji and the Raven empire’s fall, Nathan’s fall, and the Moriyama empire being reshaped by a new leader. but it stops before the repercussions unfold. before we actually get to see everything that entails, what other secrets, irrelevant to Neil’s journey, are waiting to come out.

what if the resurrection of the Mother of Exy is one of them?