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she-karev · 7 months ago

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Snowstorm (Andrew DeLuca x Alex Karev's Sister)

Age Rating: 12+

Chapters: One of One

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy

Ship: Andrew DeLuca x Amber Karev (Alex Karev’s Sister)

Canon Episode: Season 16 Episode 15

Mental Health Resources: https://www.nami.org/, https://www.aacap.org/, https://www.dbsalliance.org/, https://afsp.org/

Summary: After their massive fight Amber works at the hospital during a blizzard when she finds out Andrew went on foot to retrieve an organ in the middle of the snowstorm. She and Carina visit him in his hospital room where he snaps at her again and kicks her out of their apartment.

Words: 2623

Amber’s feet crunch the snow as she paces back and forth outside the pit in her scrubs, fleece jacket and beanie to keep herself warm. She opted to go outside for some privacy to call DeLuca and reprimand him for what she considers an extremely dumbass move. A few hours ago, Carina called her up to peds where Alex told them that DeLuca volunteered to go out on foot to retrieve a liver for his dying patient. She didn’t tell him about what Andrew said to her the other night because she knew he would be angry and want to beat him up again. At the state Andrew is in he might put her brother in jail permanently just to spite her.

She breathes in the cold blizzard air through her nose that makes it stuffy causing her to become angrier. She waits for Andrew to answer her 20th call today but it goes straight to voicemail again causing her to curse under her breath. She doesn’t notice Jackson Avery approaching behind her blowing hot air into his hands looking to see how she is. Amber groans and decides to leave another message hoping he listens to this one and knows she means business.

“If your ears aren’t frozen off when you hear this then consider this your last warning Andrea Vincenzo DeLuca.” Jackson looks taken back by her harsh tone not seeing the look of fury on her face, “If your ass is not back here in this warm hospital in the next 30 minutes I will go out on foot, drag your frozen body back here where I will warm you up by setting you on fire!”

Amber hits the hang up button, “Wow and I thought Vic was angry on the phone.”

“I am not in the fucking mood Jackson.” Amber snaps at him, “If you came here to complain about your latest side piece fighting with you over the phone again, I suggest you turn around and deal with another frostbite that will be less ugly than I will be with you.”

Jackson holds his hands up in defense and walks up to Amber’s view where he can see that despite how angry she sounds she looks scared. He puts his hands down and rubs her arms to keep her warm, “I’m not here to complain about Vic again, given how you told me to screw off when I did, I know better now. Also, I can see how worried you are about DeLuca so I’m gonna let the side piece comment pass. Believe me I’ve been where you are when April went overseas but this isn’t that. It’s a hospital three miles away and as long as he’s bundled up, he’ll be fine. He’s just trying to save a little girl instead of waiting around for a miracle that might not come. He’s being a doctor like all of us.”

“He has bipolar disorder.” Amber tells him in a broken voice like a child. Jackson’s eyes shot up at that new information, “He’s manic like his father, he’s not being a doctor right now and he’s not the man that I love anymore he is a mentally ill person who is risking his life and not considering the consequence. It’s a textbook symptom.”

Jackson takes a beat before calmly responding, “Okay look I get that your mind goes to the mental illness angle because of the way you grew up but maybe you should take a second before accusing him of something he might not even have. You don’t have the right degree to diagnose him.”

“I grew up with mentally ill people all of my life.” Amber reminds him in a strained voice, “I know the signs of a breakdown when I see one Jackson. I saw it the other night when I confronted him and he yelled at me and compared me to my father.”

Jackson shakes his head in shock and looks at her offended by Andrew’s cruel comment, “Wait what? He did what?”

“Yeah, you heard me and it’s as bad as you think it is.”

Jackson turns angry at DeLuca for hurting Amber when she was trying to help him and it shows in his eyes, “I am gonna kick his ass.”

“I might beat you to it.” Amber sniffles, “I know it’s hard to accept help when you need it and I can’t force him like I couldn’t force my mom. I know he didn’t ask for this mental illness but the way he’s going its…”

“Frustrating?” Amber nods at Jackson’s suggestion, “Yeah you sound like me when me and April were having our problems. Does Alex know about this?”

“No nobody but you knows about this. If I tell him it’s gonna make him pity me and I can’t stand having people pity me. ‘Oh, the poor little girl with the crazy mom, crazy brother and crazy boyfriend’ I saw it in his eyes at the hospital after Aaron attacked me and I cannot do that again. God, I know he didn’t ask for this curse but I really hate Andrew for doing this to me. It sounds horrible I know.”

“No, it’s not you’re not horrible.” Jackson states kindly, “Your just tired and you’ve more than earned the right to be. We’re both doctors so we both know that it could have been the illness that said it and it doesn’t make him inherently selfish but it is selfish of him to bring you down with him and not doing anything about it.”

“I know, I know believe me I have recited that mantra with my mom, my brother and now…” Amber looks up at the dark sky in agony, “Is there something wrong with me?”

Jackson can immediately tell what she’s thinking and shakes his head, “No there is nothing wrong with you.”

“Because I feel like everyone, I love ends up bonkers in the end so I think maybe I’m cursed like I have a pheromone that drives people crazy and makes them attack me when I try to help.” Amber wipes a stray tear away, “If that’s the case I have the worst superpower in the world.”

“Listen to me.” Jackson grips Amber’s biceps to bring her back from that dark hole in her head, “None of that was your fault it was just…a few bad spins at the genetic wheel. You didn’t do anything wrong.” This makes Amber’s lips quiver as she’s near in tears, “This is not your fault.”

“Please stop.” Amber orders as she breaks out of his hold, “Hearing that there was no logical reason for this new mental case in my life doesn’t make me feel better. It just makes me feel like I am destined to suffer for life because of my family and the person I love. So just please stop consoling me because I will cry and I really hate crying and the person who made me cry and I can’t afford to hate you too please don’t make me hate you.”

“Okay, okay it’s okay.” Jackson rubs her arms and talks soothingly, “You’re not gonna hate me I promise. No matter what happens with DeLuca I’ll be there for you, you know that right?”

Amber nods knowing full well if she can’t trust Andrew to get help when he needs it, she can at least trust Jackson to be there to pick her up in the aftermath. Over the past 2 years their relationship has grown from wingman to friends to surrogate siblings. She never told anyone this but she considers Jackson a big brother taking Aaron’s spot when he’s not here. He does what Aaron would do in this situation, comfort her and reassure her that he is always in her corner no matter how awful she is to him.

Suddenly Jackson’s phone beeps and he looks at it with a worried look causing her to be curious, “What is it?”

“DeLuca is here right now.”

Amber’s relief is stalled as she has a question in the way, “Why did they page you for that?”

Later

Amber quickly walks inside the pit with Jackson to find Carina and Andrew by the trauma room arguing in Italian. She sees the damage clear as day from Andrew’s hands that are frozen red, black and blue. The sight horrifies her but she keeps going with Andrew not giving her the time of day.

“Look will you all stop!” Andrew yells out in English, “I need to get back out there the pit is overrun it��s not that bad.”

“Oh god.” Amber throws a towel over his shoulders and opens the exam room door, “Get in right the hell now before your fingers start to decay and fall off!”

“She says as gently as she can.” Jackson supports as he leads an annoyed Andrew inside the room, “In now.”

Andrew is still defiant while Jackson gets to work, “Everyone is overexaggerating okay? We’re taking away your resources from actual patients that need us. Stop.” Amber scoffs at Andrew refusing to see that his hands can’t keep still because they are still cold to the core. While she pinches the bridge of her nose Carina admonishes Andrew for his reckless behavior in Italian clearly pissed. Andrew responds back in his native tongue still insistent his condition doesn’t warrant concern. Jackson sends Simms to get the supplies to start defrosting his hands leaving them.

“Okay I don’t know what you are saying but I am guessing your still insisting on going back out there despite the fact your hands are still shaking not to mention blue, red and black.”

“Can you just stay out of this? I don’t need your help.” Andrew snaps at Amber who looks at him offended.

“You clearly needed it when you went out there in an 8-degree blizzard that left your hands frozen solid!” Andrew rolls his eyes at me that pisses Amber off more, “Meanwhile I was here calling you and worrying about you wondering if you froze to death!”

Andrew looks at her with a vicious glint, “Well, I’m sorry for trying to save a little girl while you pinned over me on the phone.”

Amber shakes her head in shock over Andrew trying to make himself into the hero and her into the villain. She pulls her hair back trying to rein in her emotions while Jackson worked on Andrew who is still insistent that he is fine.

“Stop this is ridiculous. I need to treat patients.”

“You’re not treating patients like this.” Carina tells Andrew frustrated, “W-Who are you gonna treat? Andrea you're not a doctor right now.”

“Can we get my sister out of here, please?” Jackson is too busy to listen to Andrew.

“DeLuca, I've been doing this all day, so I need you to listen close. If you do not let me treat you exactly the way I need to, you will lose one or both of your hands, and your future as a surgeon, okay? So sit tight, shut the hell up, and let me get you thawed out.” That stopped Andrew as he sat still while Jackson worked. Amber leaves the room feeling frustrated and not wanting to risk hitting Andrew while Avery tries to save his surgical career.

Two Hours Later

Carina and Amber walk side by side towards Andrew’s room looking to see how he is after Jackson defrosted his hands as best as he could. Amber spent that time working in the pit channeling her rage into treating patients and it mostly worked as she is calmer now but still angry at Andrew for risking his life without even talking to her about it. She makes a note to herself to bring that up later sensing that he is still raw and will probably snap at the first attack. They pass Jackson as he exits the room and see Andrew in bed in a hospital gown with topical cream covering his still blue and black hands.

“I’m not really in the mood for visitors.” Andrew bluntly states.

Amber inhales and exhales, “Look um I just thought you should know that Elisa is okay, she’s in the PICU and she’s stable…thanks to you. So, I just wanted you to know that.”

“I do know that.” Andrew responds coldly, “And I also know that if you'd had it your way, I wouldn't have gone out there, and that little girl would be dead. So, I guess you're thanking me for not talking to you first.”

Amber closes her eyes as she senses déjà vu from the night of their fight. It started with him refusing to see the error of his ways and ended with him saying that without him in her life she would have ended up like her father.

Carina steps in to try, “Andrea, we were just worried about you. Okay, this is just like when Papa-”

“I'm not him, okay?! I'm not him! For the first time in my career, I'm succeeding on my own, without anybody's help. Why can't you just be happy for me and accept that? Why-Why-Why do you always got to accuse me of-of not being well?”

Amber sighs and tries to make him see why they have concerns, “There is a history here Andrew-”

Andrew interrupts her with a comment that takes Amber by surprise in a bad way, “Okay, well I didn’t accuse you of having schizophrenia when you had a panic attack on our first date, did I?” Amber stands there with her eyes wide as they look hurt and shock by a new low Andrew achieved in their relationship, “You know what if your gonna keep badgering me and saying I have a problem then you should probably get out of my place!”

Carina tries to step in while Amber is still frozen in shock looking close to tears, “Andrea-”

“I asked you to leave!” Andrew continues not bothering to see how much this is hurting Amber, “I don’t need you here Amber!”

Amber can only respond in a broken voice, “You don’t mean that.”

Andrew keeps going still talking down to her despite his vulnerable state, “Your right, it’s not that I don’t need you, it’s that I don’t want you here, GET OUT!”

Amber takes a deep breath so she can keep her tears to herself to not give him the satisfaction. She promptly turns around, walks out the door and slams the door behind her as hard as humanly possible hoping it makes it clear that she is done with him just like he’s done with her.

That Night

Jackson sips his glass of whiskey ready for a good night’s sleep after about 10 hours of debriding frost bite. After his shift he ran into Vic and they made up not even remembering what their fight was about. She suggested they meet at his place but he said no saying he predicts he has a friend coming over tonight. Now he’s still up waiting for his friend to show up after the fight he heard outside DeLuca’s room.

He hears a knock on the door of his penthouse causing him to groan softly but stand up. He walks to the door and as he expected Amber Karev is on the other side looking numb from heartbreak with a suitcase and duffle bag by her side.

He looks at her in sympathy and simply takes her duffle bag indicating the answer to her soon to be asked question.

“I’m sorry Amber.” Jackson can only say with Amber sniffling.

“Can I crash at your place?”

“Of course, come in.” He opens the door and allows her in where she drags her suitcase with her, and he closes the door.

#greys anatomy #grey's anatomy #greysanatomyedit #greysedit #amber karev #andrew deluca #jackson avery #mental heath support #mentalheathawareness #mental heath awareness #mental health #mental illness #giacomo gianniotti #elizabeth gillies #liz gillies #headcanon #mine #angst #16x15

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writer59january13 · 4 months ago

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August 13th, 2024 – twenty five plus years since awful series of unfortunate events

Once again tis time to pony up and trot out (neigh - without horsing around) an unforgettable day encompassing a series of unfortunate events (so take that Lemony Snicket! - yeah go ahead and picket!). Wicked bad day poem originally crafted, designed, engineered... then alternately titled for no particular rhyme nor reason:

unwitting courtesy extended to Doctor Donald (Duck) Dossey who coined paraskevidekatriaphobia.

Superstitious severely tested across fineline doggedly gingerly jinxing luck of mine August thirteenth nineteen hundred and ninety nine

forever etched in the annals of my personal infamy

as one still sending hair raising shivers down my spine

which following unpleasant details occurred on a street

that branched off kind of like a fork tine

adjacent to one named Woodbine.

Prior to the following awful events that unfolded aforementioned day

somewhat solemn and gray

I did not consider myself unduly superstitious

nor prone to bouts of triskaidekaphobia/ paraskevidekatriaphobia no how no way. Yet that particular Friday the thirteenth baptized me

in the bloody waters of superstition unequivocally

whence upon waking said particular morning

the search for funereal garb found me burrowing into a small closet

while bending on one knee, and nonchalantly rummaging for suitable article of clothing to wear

(per the wake/

sitting shiva of William Zison the octogenarian father in law) an unbeknownst ill fate

lurked just seconds away ready to cap cha an innocent prey as any unseen observer

and/or pet would agree.

Hands rifled and rustled thru various and sundry miscellaneous items in one or another box

mostly clothing and other apparel

draped in coat hangers

plus a precariously perched

heavy tin of yarn heavy as rocks

began to teeter from top ledge, than made a slow inexorable descent in direct path of thy crown

containing valued mental stocks. The topmost part of thine skull felt impact of sharp metallic rim

that left an indentation in soft part of scalp – more’n an abrasive skim

and bent circular shape

of contrivance filled to the hilt

one law of physics pertaining to falling object (taught to me) acquires greater mass accelerating with velocity and vim.

Upon reflexively yet tentatively touching raw sore spot

fingertips revealed presence of warm liquid soon coagulating into a pulpy gordian knot

from sharp lipped impact registering nausea and vertigo quite a lot

hence sewing crafts managed to stitch a tattooed laceration forming a bloody clot.

Body writhed with physical torment

as if being only partially alive

whereby waves of blacking or passing out found me swooning ready to take a swan dive

nonetheless from Schwenksville to Penn Valley, I did (by divine grace) safely drive

whence family members and relatives once destination reached, the motley crue began organized car pool arrangements

per heading off to the cemetery,

which caravan formation similar to a human bee hive, yours truly declined to go communicating persistent distress from mishap I bowed wowed out, stayed home and kept company with a dog (purportedly man’s best friend)

(said pet belonging to a friend of eldest sister in law), whose open palmed overtures of mine did not jive. An impulse found fingers reaching out to stroke this unfamiliar animal

supposedly man’s best friend

only to find sharp teeth from canine jaw clamped down hard on hand

which second bodily injury, my mother affixed a butterfly bandage to expedite the injury to mend, I did immediately tend

while bolts of white hot pain shot thru lower extremity of palm

radiated upward through forearm into shoulder did wend.

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lesbiansoncaffiene · 3 years ago

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AFTG As Shit Me And My Friends Have Said (pt. 2)

Y’all like the last one so much (it’s my most liked post as of rn so thank you!!) that we now have a part dos

Also features quotes from my gov class and from my (twin) brother

Matt: I am very happy to declare pawnshops as “EBay irl”

Dan: dear god

——————————————

5:24am

*Nicky named the chat Toothpaste Man Fanclub*

5:25am

*Andrew left the chat*

—————————————

Renee: I cannot believe I have to say this, you’re not allowed to cut into a cake baby

Aaron, his scalpel ready: goddamit

——————————

Matt, drunk: Me when I cut off my ear for the lols

——————————

The AFTG fandom: Gender, in the state of this nation? I think the fuck not

——————————

Wymack: Wow I have a lot of white in my beard

Abby: It’s because you’re old

Kevin: Well the alternative is dead so..

Wymack and Abby: ..

——————————

Aaron, to Katelyn, who always falls asleep during Marvel movies: do you wanna watch a Marvel movie?

Katelyn: *snorts*

——————————

Seth: What if you’re pregnant and go to China, and your baby is born while you’re in China

Renee: You can’t fly in a plane during your 3rd trimester of pregnancy

Seth: Yea but what if you drove

*disappointed sighs*

———————

Kevin: omg I found a picture of my best friend in PreK

Kevin: The one who told me Satan was gonna eat me

Matt: ….I’m sorry what-

————————

Nicky: My only goal in life is to piss off my ancestors by going to the spice section in the grocery store

————————

Kevin: someone tried to mansplain on me in my history class, I hope they know that I’m a self-diagnosed autistic bisexual with a god complex who is going to prove him wrong

Dan: yep time to call Betsy

——————————

Jean: listen I’m aroace but if Mothman ever wanted to fuck…..

Laila: shut uP, ShuT UP-

——————————

Aaron: we have to take care of these egg baby’s in my healthcare class *shows eggs with goggly eyes attached*

Andrew, looking it dead in the eyes: eat it. Eat the baby

——————————

Nicky *on the bus*: SCOOBY DOOBY DOO

Matt: WHERE ARE YOU

Neil, from the back: emotional hell

——————————

Jeremy *about some gossip*: omg what a plot twist

Alvarez: that only happens in books

Jeremy: shhh I’m projecting

——————————

Renee: wow, that was great parallel parking, you must have aced your drivers test

Andrew: my what

——————————

*3am on a school night*

Dan: Don’t you think it’s weird that getting lab work done is basically walking into the doctors office and asking them to take your life juice?

Allison: if you don’t shut up and go to sleep I’m calling Wymack

————————

Neil: I hope Wymack lets me make Jack do the little lad dance for missing practice

Seth: that would bring all the serotonin that I’m missing back into my life tbh

————————

Andrew: I’m a very slow reader, I should not start a 10K fic at 2:35am

Neil: You going to anyway aren’t you

————————

Allison *showing Renee a meme*: Why was my first thought when I saw this ‘I should send this to my therapist’

Renee: Because you’re mentally ill, babe

———————

Andrew: Why make good decisions when arson is an option?

Aaron: Is arson… not a good decision?

———————

Nicky: okay so how do we let Andrew know that we know he’s gay. I have a few ideas-

Renee: well, we should be subtle-

Nicky, already pulling out a full on rainbow costume: do we /have/ to?

———————

Allison: is my straightener in your room?

Neil: I don’t think anything in my room is straight but you can check

———————

Andrew *on a rant about Adam Levine’s voice*: it sounds like he’s been hit in the balls

Wymack, who woke up two minutes ago when he thought someone was breaking into his house at 3:38am: what the fuck

————-

Neil: My lungs thought it would be funky and fresh to stop working when it is in fact not funky nor fresh

Matt: You just had an asthma attack, can you shut up-

———————

Aaron: I have therapy today

Kevin, trying to be supportive: that’s hot

————————

Renee: I love you but your pizza cutting skills are enough to ward off God

Dan, who cut the pizza into squares: yeah that’s fair

——-

Dedicated to Jess who read these and approved 100% *sorta*

——-

Part 3? Possibly?? If y’all like it???

——-

Part 1:

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my-autistic-things · 4 years ago

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I know society says oversharing is Bad but it is absolutely acceptable and please I encourage you to overshare at your doctor appointments.

Even if you think they won't listen to you, or you have mentioned your symptoms/anything before. They do forget things, or don't look at your charts, or need a reminder, or that specific symptom shared in context with another symptom/activity/thing may finally click something. It's quite easy to assume you're never listened to because so so so many doctors don't listen to their patients. Especially with chronic illness. But it's worth sharing as much as possible.

I just finally got referred to a rheumatologist and the tipping point was talking about how if I don't workout everyday my knees freeze up and get painful so that's one of the (multiple) reasons I prioritize working out everyday. The original topic was my vitamin D levels being low, which became sharing that I've been trying to hike more to be outside but I get sunburnt so ridiculously easily. But, that's Extra exercise because I workout everyday so I go purely for fun and if it's hot I don't wanna go and still wear long sleeves. "Oh wow you workout everyday??" Yup, it helps my mental health and also if I don't workout everyday my knee pain gets very bad. "Hmmm I think you actually should see a rheumatologist! I'll put in the referral now." (We had already talked about my joint pain and she knew about my other symptoms so this was the actual tipping point to send in the referral instead of being casual about it). I also learned that vitamin D pills often have calcium in them which is why my stomach might be reactive to taking it as well!

#doctor appointment

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago

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Survey #314

“as above, so below / what you reap is what you sow / what you give comes back threefold / as above, so below”

What do you do for work? I'm currently unemployed. I only get paid now and again to do pictures for people. What would you ideally like to do for work? I'd love if I could just be a photographer. What are you doing in order to achieve this? Practice and shoving my extreme discomfort about it aside and trying to promote myself where possible and not in an overbearing manner. What do you think is the worst being on the planet? "Rapists, pedophiles, abusive people in general." <<<< This. Anyone who disrespects the existence of other and equal people. Have you ever been arrested? If so, what for? No. How big an age gap is between you and your siblings? My immediate sisters and I are two years apart. My half-siblings, I don't know. I don't have their ages memorized, but I do know 5+ years, some even 10. Do/did your siblings cause trouble? Not really, we were good kids. What's your dream vehicle? I don't really have one. Are you good at taking care of your finances? What finances? And I don't mean that happily. What's your favorite comic strip? I don't have one. How many people have you texted today? Zero. Someone cheats. Second chance? Nope, byyyyeeeee. Thoughts on kids? Clay that I'm not playing with. Are you a risk taker? No. What are you listening to? I'm currently going through a phase of playing The Evil Within 2's theme nonstop, jc. Is/Was your high schools dress code strict? Not like, mega strict, but it still was overboard. No spaghetti strap shirts, and I even once got in trouble for wearing a floral mesh shirt, despite having a normal tanktop underneath it. It was weird, like no one had ever had a problem with it before, it was just this one teacher that I passed in the hall. Who was the last person to request you on a social media network - and did you accept? Someone I didn't know, so obviously not. Who was the last person’s vehicle that you rode in? Mom's. Who was the last person to make you laugh or smile, and why? Another current obsession of mine: John Wolfe, another let's player who I think is super funny. He said something that made me snicker before I turned on music and started this. Who was the last person that you took a photo with? My half-sister while she was visiting. Who was the last person to pay you a compliment, and what did they say? In group therapy the other day, one of the other women told me that even if I don't believe it, I bring so much positivity to group and she was really happy to be there while I am. I was so so super flustered but flattered, too. Who’s the last person that you visited in the hospital? My mom, following her surgery. Who is the last person that you lent money to? Actually today to Mom. What was the last food that you ate? I warmed up a burger for dinner. What did the last pair of footwear that you wore look like? They're just black flipflops. What was the last kind of bread that you ate? Just plain white bread. What was the last app that you downloaded to your phone? Oh wow, I never do this. I want to say it was a game for my niece. When was your last work shift? I haven't worked in a long time, so idk. When is the last time that you had trouble falling asleep? This is literally every single night. When was the last time you saw a significant other? I ain't got one'a those. When’s the last time that you took a risk? What was the risk? Well, I did say I'm not a risk-taker... Where was the last place that you went on vacation to? You know, how long does it have to be to be considered a "vacation?" I would say not since I went to the beach with an old friend, but it was literally a day. Where was the last place you got lost? uhhhhhhh Why did your last relationship fail? We need to work on ourselves before we could properly support each other and stay in a healthy mindset. Why did you leave your last job? I couldn't handle the stress of serving people and having so many responsibilities at once. How long has it been since you last visited a doctor? How about a dentist? I literally went to the doctor today because I had a follow-up appointment about my weight gain again. I haven't been to the dentist in a few months; I had a normal cleaning my last visit. How big was the last fish you caught? Oh boy, this is stretching years back. It was probably something small, idr at all. Give me the first initial of your last name? D. Something in your home that’s on its last leg(s)? We just moved here, so nothing that's a part of the house itself. As far as items we actually own, idk. Where do you purchase most of your clothes? I haven't gotten new clothes in so long, idk. I would probably say Hot Topic. Describe your skincare routine. I don't have one, if I'm being honest. I just shower. What’s your typical morning routine look like? I don't have one of those, either. The only thing that's consistent is going to the bathroom, eating, and taking my meds. Even brushing my teeth, the time of day when I do that (if I'm not leaving the house) varies. Then it's time to just binge stuff on YouTube and do whatever on the laptop... Are you still playing Animal Crossing? I've never played it, actually. How has the pandemic specifically affected you? It's caused a lot of stress worrying about my mom falling ill, given her being immunocompromised. It's also held me back from searching for another job (even though I don't know what I'd go for, anyway...), because I absolutely refuse to risk bringing Covid into this house by leaving it daily or whatever. What is your main source of anxiety? Being mentally ill, really. It just affects a lot. Any bands or artists you’ve recently discovered? Not very recently, no. What kind of games do you play on your phone? Just Pokemon GO nowadays. Do you have a specific aesthetic? It varies. I love dark, gothic, and gory stuff, but then I also love everything pink and pastel?????? Pastel gore is especially where it's at. Describe the moment you realized you were falling in love with someone. I'd rather not. What’s your favorite sparkling water brand/flavor? I've never even tried it before. What’s your favorite makeup brand/brands? I don't wear nearly enough makeup to be even remotely familiar with any. What’s your all-time favorite movie? It'll probably always be The Lion King. Do you have any subscription boxes? No, but they're cool. What fictional creature would you like as a pet? On deviantART today I actually discovered a fantastic artist who does a lot of HTTYD fanart, and I would say as a dragon lover, Toothless would be soooo great. Have any local businesses closed that you’re sad about? I'm certain tons have closed, but none come to mind. How do you feel about TikTok? I don't feel anything about it. Did you/do you still have a Neopets account? Haha I've had like... two or three at different stages in my life. What were you doing at 9 o'clock this morning? That's actually when (virtual) group therapy starts. Are you wearing any jewelry? Yeah; my piercings (if you count them) and then two rings that I always have on. Are you good at hiding disappointment? No. I'm bad at hiding my emotions because they're so strong. What happened the last time you cried? lmaooo I was finishing watching a The Evil Within 2 LP yesterday, and like, the last hour or so of the game just rips me apart. I was hoping so bad that my mom didn't pass by and ask what the problem was. What would your parents be surprised to learn about you? Both would be stunned to know the situation I had with Joel/my former best friend's boyfriend when I was around 12. What fictional character do you have the biggest crush on? dARKIPLIER Where would you live if you could live anywhere in the world? When all things are considered, like laws, seeing family, etc., somewhere in Canada, or maybe Alaska. Actually, Alaska would be really cool. What after school activities did you do in high school? I didn't have any, if you mean like, school sports and clubs. I did do dance once or twice a week, but it wasn't tied to my school. What’s the last book you really loved? I positively adored The Handmaid's Tale. If you could have been a child prodigy what would you have wanted to be skilled at? My writing was seen as very exceptional for my age as a kid, but it still would've been awesome if it was even better. If earth could only have one condiment for the rest of time, what would you pick to keep around? Uhhh I guess ketchup. I use that the most of all options. What is the scariest experience you have ever had? The night of the breakup. It was such an impossible concept to me that I genuinely thought my life was over, that I'd pull the plug at any moment. Who is a non-politician you wish would run for office? Oh, hunny, Markiplier lmao. Call it a bias all ya want, but he's just a genuinely incredible person that cares so much for everyone and is so serious about equality and just being a good person. Do you think it’s important to stay up to date with the news? It's very hypocritical of me to say, but yes, regardless. Do you own plants? If so, what kind of plants? If not, would you like to grow any? I've never been into growing plants, honestly. Is there a city that you have a particular fondness for? If so, what city is it and why? No, not really. When was the last time that you acted impulsively? Is this a common behavior for you? I dunno, I've gotten better at this. I probably said something I shouldn't have. If you received an allowance as a kid, what kinds of things would you buy with it? Were you more the type to save up for something big, or spend it on little things? I didn't get one. When you cuddle with someone, how do you prefer to position yourself? Would you rather be held, or do the holding? Or both? Are we sitting or lying down? Either way I think I have a tendency to lay my head on their chest while hugging them, and my legs generally curl up. If I'm upset, I definitely feel better and just a greater sense of safety if I'm the one being held, but if the roles are swapped, then I like to be the one doing the holding because I know that's what I want when I'm upset, so treat others how you wanna be treated, y'know. When you woke up today, did you find unread messages from anyone? No. Have you recently told anyone that you miss them? Yes. Can you recall the last time you turned down an offer, of any kind? Mom asked if I wanted to come with her to Ashley's a few days ago, but I said no. I wasn't in a social mood at all. Is there anyone you interact with every day on social media? No. What was the main character's name in the last fictional book you read? Sunny. Have you ever been rejected by a church? No. Is your family nice to you? Yeah. Are you comfortable with your gender? Yeah. What was your favorite Mary-Kate and Ashley film? I don't remember; we had a couple, though. What was your favorite book you had to read for school? The Outsiders. What was your favorite Nickelodeon show? ngl, I don't remember a lot of them and don't feel like looking up a list. Do you still live in the house you grew up in? No. Which Spice Girl was your favorite? I don't remember their names. Do you think you look the best you've ever looked? Oh hell no. Have you been hurt by religion? Yes, honestly. In Truth or Dare, would you rather choose Truth or Dare? I always choose "truth." Have you ever had more than one crush at once? Yeah, I think that's perfectly normal to feel, even for someone monogamous like myself. Just when you establish a relationship, then it's time to make a choice. What social issue do you care about most? This is hard to say with how passionately I hold my opinions, but probably LGBTQ+ rights. It's just... so disgusting to me that I was once homophobic. It's like I want to make up for it. Just the idea of being repulsed by love just because someone has "the wrong thing" in their pants is just... appalling. When was the last time you read a Bible? Many, maaaany years ago I started reading it, but I didn't get very far at all. Do you own a Bible? I personally don't, but I know Mom has one, maybe multiple. Do you discover new music regularly? No; I very much stick to what I know. It's great when I do, though, given that that's how I find new songs to repeat to the grave. What does your first name mean? "Of Britain" or something like that. What country do you live in? U.S.A. Do you believe that gays are born that way? Uh, yes? Who honestly believes a homosexual would *choose* to be in the discriminated minority? People are murdered and abused for simply their sexuality; no sane person would "choose" to risk that torture.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''as above so below'' by in this moment

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ddagent · 5 years ago

Note

Novel: Unbearable

Wow, the enthusiasm for ‘The Bear and the Poorly Written Maiden’ has been incredible. I love writing this, people seem to love reading this, which is why Bee and Jay are getting their own collection!

B: The following podcast contains strong language, literary violence, and explicit sexual content.

J: All the things you’d want in a podcast, really.

B: Do you listen to any other podcasts apart from your brother’s?

J: No, not really. You, uh, you listen to that one with that guy you like. Renly’s Records or something equally idiotic.

B: It’s called Vinyl Grooves, I’ll have you know, and he does a similar thing to us, where he finds old vinyl at secondhand shops, plays the songs, and then discusses them. He has a very...nice voice.

J: I think you quite fancy him.

B: I think you need to get on with introducing the podcast.

(tourney horn plays)

J: Welcome to The Bear and the Poorly Worded Maiden, we are an explicit literary podcast hosted by two doctoral students studying history. Also two best friends.

B: Oh. That’s, um, that’s nice.

J: I thought so. Anyway, today’s literary masterpiece is a short story collection by Lysa Potter. It’s set in King’s Landing during the War of the Five Kings, and it’s a collection of erotic fiction. I skimmed a few of the stories, and a lot of them seem to be set in Littlefinger’s whorehouses.

B: His role in history is really quite fascinating, as there is documented evidence—

J: —you say documented, it’s from the journals of Brandon Stark, the last Lord of Winterfell, and there have been multiple accounts of him exhibiting odd behaviour and possible signs of mental illness.

B: Are you saying Litlefinger was not responsible for the War of the Five Kings?

J: Oh, of course, he was.

B: Then why are you arguing with me?

J: Becuase your face goes all pink. I have a new colour chart today, listeners. Bee is currently ‘Sweetling Pink’.

B: I hate you.

J: (scoffs) Ah, but I don’t think you do.

B: Get back to the book.

J: Okay, so The War of Hearts, Minds, and Cunts (Jay laughs) is...odd reading, but there is a story about Goldenhand and Ser Blue. I think we discussed in a recent footnotes episode that pre-Long Night, they’re often referred to as Kingslayer or the Maid. This one has the Maid and the Lion. We arm-wrestled to see who would read this one out and Bee—

B: —was unlucky.

J: I told you I’m strong enough. Anyway, I’ve introduced the story; off you go.

B: Fine. Unbearable, by Lysa Potter. The Golden Lion, now Lord Commander of the Kingsguard, lay atop crisp white sheets and stared at the ceiling. His left hand lazily played with his cock—

(Jay laughs)

B: —his thumb running underneath the shaft and curling over the bulbous head of his tumescent member.

J: Someone found the thesaurus.

B: Stop interrupting.

J: That’s literally the point of the podcast.

B: His left hand felt strange as it gripped and tugged his phallus.

J: I’m going to get some whiskey, and every time they use a synonym for cock, we drink.

B: It felt as if another’s hands were touching his stiff pecker.

J: Drink

B: At this rate, we’ll be pissed as your brother during Sevenmas before the end of the paragraph. (pause) Perhaps, before his time in captivity, he would have imagined it was his sister who held him so. Instead, he now imagined it to be the Maid. Her hands, as broad as his own, would take his manhood – don’t, Jay – and grip, stroke, and allow him to fuck her fist with vigour. He pictured her mouth, those broad lips, widening to accommodate his vast length. He thought of her ruddy, tumid cunt—alright, pass the whiskey.

J: If it's tumid, should she a maester?

B: Any abnormalities of your genitals should probably be checked out by a citadel professional. He thought of her ruddy, tumid cunt, and the fat head of his knob swallowed by her soused flesh.

J: The title is accurate: this is unbearable.

B: The Lion stroked himself to completion; white spurts of his hot seed (gags)

J: Bee is now at ‘Wench Blush’ for those of you who are interested.

B: Piss off. The Lion stroked himself to completion; white spurts of his hot seed falling atop his belly and thighs. But he was not yet satisfied. He wanted to claim the Maid; make her his. With the loss of his hand, he needed a replacement. Does he need someone to cut his food for him? Surely there are servants for that.

J: And Ser Blue is used to cutting much bigger things than sausages or some cheese.

B: Like people who get in the way of her charges.

J: Exactly.

B: Something that was whole, something that was his. He had saved the Maid in the forest, why should he not claim what he had saved for himself? What the fuck? Is Potter trying to say that’s the only reason he saved her from Bolton’s men?

J: Fuck that. List?

B: List. (pause) For those of you that are new to our podcast, we have a list that’s available on our caw profile of books you should really avoid. They are highly inaccurate and just plain dreadful.

J: I feel like we need to wash our mental mouths out.

B: I agree. The King’s Road?

J: The King’s Road! (pause) Alright, some good fiction at last. He could not tell how far they had gone from the Stark camp; Lady Stark’s new pet had placed a rotten bag atop his head and tossed him without aid onto an unruly steed. His awe at her strength was quickly forgotten; the Stormlands Maid was, after all, to be his jailor. As sunlight began to stream through the burlap, he found himself unceremoniously pushed to the ground. The hood was wrenched from him, and he found himself peering into the waters of Shipbreaker Bay.

B: He could not let Stark’s pet know he thought of her in such terms, however, so he simply said—

J: —“You’re much uglier in daylight”. You remember the words.

B: Of course I do. It’s where everything changes. For both of them.

(tourney horn plays)

#anonymous #braime #jaime x brienne #mine: paragraph prompts #ship: braime #fic: podcast verse

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ironwoman18 · 4 years ago

Text

We found love in a hopeless place part 16

Chapter 16: Invitations

Max and Spencer had things to do that Sunday so they decided to see each other at night for dinner and movies.

He had to visit his mother and she will help help her sister with some decorations she had to do for the homecoming dance.

"So why did you and your friends picked to do the Sadie Hawkins dance?" Max asked while she cut some snowflakes.

"Because last year the seniors organized the dance and we all were alone because no one invited us. They were too shy to invite us" she commented as she was painting some other things "we all have dates already. I invited the hockey's captain, Hank. He's super hot" said Eloise laughing.

"I thought you like a football player" said Max smirking.

"I did but he started to date a cheerleader so my second choice was Hank" said Eloise cutting some shapes.

"Bad luck" Max laughed "I will play some music" Eloise nodded and Max connected her phone with the bluetooth speaker and they listen in silence still working.

Meanwhile Spencer is at the nurse house to check his mom.

When he was on his way there he got a phone call.

"Here's Doctor Spencer Reid" he answered very formal, as he used to with his work phone.

"Hey Spencer! It's me, Ethan" the voice of the other side of the line said.

"Oh... hey Ethan!" Squeaked the young doctor "it's been a long time since we talk"

"I know right. Man I didn't want to call you because I knew you would be busy"

"Yeah. You know the FBI never rest" he laughed softly "but how have you been?"

"Amazing and you?"

"I had a tough time recently but right now I'm better"

"It sounds like you found a girl" teased him.

Spencer blushed softly "actually, I did. We had been together for 2 months and 3 days"

"You still love number huh?" Said Ethan laughing "Congratulations bro. I'm glad you got someone, alive and not crazy" they laughed "I was calling you because I also met someone. And we are going to get married"

"Wow! Congratulations Ethan. I'm so happy for you" he said smiling "how did you meet her?"

"Two years ago. I was in a bar, playing and she came next. Her voice was the sexiest thing think ever so after her performance I invited her a drink and we talked all night. Then we started to have dates and a few months later she and I became a couple. Last month I asked to marry me and of course she said yes"

"That's amazing! As I said I'm happy for you. When will be the wedding?"

"The second week of December here in New Orleans. We will marry in a old plantation house, remodeled as a hotel. My friend let us celebrate it there and will let the people sleep there with half the price because it's an special event"

"Great" said him as he arrived to the house where his mother was.

"I will send you the invitation and if you want bring your girl. I want to meet the woman who set her eyes on the boy genius" he laughed.

"I will ask her and I will let you know"

"Ok. I will wait to send the invitation for you two"

"Ok and I will see you there"

"Bye man" they both hang up and he walked in.

His mother seemed in a good mood and most importantly, she recognized him. They spoke for some time and he told her about Max.

"I knew something was different with you sweetie. You seem different, happier and less tense" she smiled "you know... a mother knows" he said the last part with her and laughed.

"Yeah I know and I will bring her some day so you can meet her" he smiled at her "I'm sure you will like her"

"If you like her then I will too" he smiled more and hugged her. Then a nurse came to them.

"Diana its time to the reading club, then lunch" the blonde woman nodded and hugged her son then left "oh doctor Reid. Diana's doctor wants to talk to you" he nodded and walked to the office of the doctor.

Back with Max. Michelle joined her two sisters to help them while Sammy was playing with her phone.

They ordered pizza and drank sodas. They had a fun time together talking about the dance.

"We invited a band and in between their show there will be Chistian, a DJ from my math class"

"Sounds like fun" said Max.

"Yeah he's great, he was at Veronica's birthday party and he nailed it"

"You really thought everything"

"Except the chaperones. Veronica's parents are in the middle of a divorce and they were the chaperones" she sighed.

"I think I can ask Spencer to go with me as chaperones" said Max looking at her sister "I don't think i would mind and what's better than a FBI profiler?"

"I love the way you think Maxine" said Eloise and her older sister looked at her a little upset "I'm kidding Max" she laughed with Michelle.

"I will ask Spencer and I will let you know" she nodded and then gets a text from Spencer saying he was on his way to her apartment so she said goodbye to her sisters and leaves to her apartment.

She saved some slides the pizza for him. When she arrived he was out her building so she walked to him after parking her car and kissed him softly.

"I missed you" she said as they walked in the building and up to her apartment.

"I missed you too" he wrapped his arms around her "I visited my mom and her doctor said they are giving her a new treatment for her mental illnesses and they seem like they are working just fine. She recognized me and we had a normal conversation"

"That's amazing babe" she said hugging him as they walked in her apartments.

"And I told her about you" she looked at him surprised and blushed softly "and she can't wait to meet you"

She hugged him "I can't wait to meet her" then she looked at him and bit her lower lip "um... Spencer would you like to go with me to the Sadie Hawkins' dance at Eloise's school?"

"A high school dance?" He looked at her.

"Yeah. We could go as chaperones" she said looking at him "we need to watch the kids and be sure they will behave during this party. There will be teachers too"

"I'm not sure. My high school experience wasn't the best. I was the youngest student and they used me as their personal punching bag"

"Aww poor Spence" she led him to the sofa.

He told her about his high school days and how terrible they were. And she also share hers.

She had a hard time until she joined the soccer team and he told her about his time as assistant coach at the basketball team.

"You can come with me and have your first high school dance. We can dance while we check the kids" she looked him "and this time you won't be that same kid back in then"

He smiled and nodded "ok but just if you go to a wedding with me... an old friend from the FBI academy will get married in a few months and he invited me and when I told him about you he asked me to take you with me"

She smiled and blushed "I would love to" she kissed him then they watched movies as they planned.

Spencer will have his first dance in a high school and Max will have her first big event as his girlfriend.

OOooOOooOO

I'm sorry it took me some more time than usual but I wasn't sure about what to write. The idea of the wedding was old but the high school dance came as I write this.

I hope you liked this. Comments are welcome.

#criminal mind #spencer reid #maxine brenner #maxcer #fanfiction

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anteroom-of-death · 5 years ago

Text

Life, For Dummies p4

a/n: any one out here wilding? i’m just vibing and writing comes when you ave zero braincells left...

Waking up was a struggle, you’d never slept that deeply or that well. The combination between a long, hot shower and Earth-shattering sex made it all too easy to sleep. You were so, so sore, but it was good. You admitted you hadn’t been fucked like that, heavens, at all if not for a long while. You looked at the large mirror across from your bed, lifting up your shirt. You had a few book-related bruises.

Stretching and feeling out the fact that you obviously didn’t have your sea legs yet. Your knees and thighs were wobbling and weak.

Then you caught it in the reflection. The collar- your collar. You half- thought it was just a fever dream. But it was real, and it’s weight was light but suddenly very noticable. The ring pressed against your larynx, the bow at the back felt oddly graceful as you flexed your neck to get a better look.

You finally allowed yourself to cry- this was what dreams were made of. (hey now, hey now!) You were exhausted already, you were happy. You felt light years away from where you were before the Master whisked you away. Hell, the last time you saw the Doctor seemed just a memory.

So much had changed. You felt completely different. Yes, you had all your same traits, likes and dislikes. But a week with the Master? Chaotic, mind blowing, devastating, beautiful, enriching and most of all, beyond your wildest dreams and even your deepest darkest wishes.

You definitely were different. The collar around your throat and the bruises and sore, stiff muscles proved you were. Not only were you having a tea party with the Devil, but you were the Devil’s whore.

It was wicked, and all too amazing. He treated you well for the most part. Very well. For only knowing you a week, he seemed to harbor no true ill will.

You got dressed and wracked your brain, reconciling everything finally and putting thoughts in boxes where they needed to go. It was slow, but needed. And time really did not matter anymore. You splashed yourself with cold water from the sink and prepared yourself mentally for outside your solitary walls. You had no clue what was waiting outside and you needed to put yourself out of any more revieries that might pop up. You had a lot of thoughts, and a lot of places to add up. Obviously, pro and con lists were out of the questions these days.

You supposed if this was a standard exchange of power, that rules and limits would be in place, but there was already the imbalance of aliens with knowledge of all of history, time travel, and space. Humans were simpler and had an equal footing. Therefore it was always up for debate.

You were halfway through finishing your daily SPF and thought about what if’s. Where was this all going? You couldn’t ask, obviously. He made it all up as he went along as much, if not more than the Doctor.

Poor Doctor, you allowed yourself to think, picks you up from your mundane routine only for you to better fit in with her best enemy.

Her loss, his gain.

Things added up, morals and ethics wise. The Doctor could be just as callous and just as insane, yet hid behind the greater good. She was a spoonful of sugar whereas he was castor oil. Twin sides of a coin…

You shook yourself from these thoughts. Too much to process in one morning for you, especially without caffeine to mainline.

You finished up and made your way out after stretching and taking a few excedrin you found rattling around the medicine chest. This TARDIS was incredibly intuitive and even materialised all your usual products you used. Or maybe the Master read your mind and supplied them. Either way, it was a big help…

You made your way out and sat down to an already piping hot mug of coffee and a tinkering Master. Your heart and stomach gave a flutter. You rolled your eyes at your over-eagerness.

“You’re finally up, I was worried that I’d have to physically go in there…”

You sloshed into yourself, “How long was I actually asleep?”

“19 hours. I think that qualifies as a coma with you humans.”

“I obviously needed to sleep.” You talked into your coffee mug. It tasted good. Strong, a little crunchy, very much the perfect cup you didn’t have to add anything to.

“Mmn, you made this?” You asked, pointing to the mug held loft in your hand.

“Of course, I know how to make coffee, spent years on the Outback of Australia, I got bored, I know how to be perfect at everything…”

“Yeah, sure, perfect at everything.” You rolled eyes again, this time at him.

“I am the Master.”

“Alright, alright.” You gave a concessional hand. You stared into your coffee and contemplated breakfast. You weren’t usually a big fan of eating in the morning, but all things considered you scraped yourself away from the coffee and started looking through the cupboards to see if anything was appealing to you in the moment. Nothing seemed terribly tasty so you just grabbed a bowl of random cereal and some sort of liquid you assumed was oat milk by the scent.

You felt his eyes studying your back the entire time, you didn’t know if it was in an observational manner or just perversely taking a peek at your backside.

“You like the show?” You demanded jokingly.

“Of course, pet…” He leaned back and placed the device he had down. It was a long silver and gold rod with three prongs at the tip. “I see my pretty little pet has found her pretty little treat.” He went over and flipped a strand of your hair and fingered the collar at your neck before stroking at your sternum. He smiled down and flexed his lips open. The lighting made his teeth glitter dangerously.

The dim lighting really brought out a beautiful tone to his lips. You tried to return to your cereal, but you pecked him on the cheek and steered yourself to a seated position. Temptation could take a temporary back burner. You had to get some semblance of nutrition into you.

He joined you at the table.

“I was thinking of a few ideas, but I wanted your input.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really, I can more than enough make my own choices, but to spice it up, why not get some feedback? What chaos shall be wrought today?” He bent over the table, disregarding the personal space needed to eat a bowl of cereal and let actual brain-processing happen.

“What all did you have in mind?” You scooted back infinitesimally and tried to finish breakfast quickly.

He quickly pointed to some post-it notes, “Here’s the name of an intergalactic crime boss who owes me a few favors, figured we could go and rough him up until he squeals, giving me the powerful weaponry we all know he has. Or, here’s a plan to visit a certain set of pepper pots and make some deals that most definitely will backfire, but it would be great fun to see them get frustrated and deny the fact that they can get frustrated. Or I was thinking of visiting Earth and teasing Torchwood and UNIT around early 2000’s Cardiff, you know, for funsies. Oh! What if we went back to Raxacoricofallapatorius and destroyed their nursery?” He was spinning around and fluttering between notebooks and sketches including one where he was strangling a person in an army uniform and a handlebar moustache.

“Jesus, how fast does your brain go?” You massage your temples…

“Too much? Huh? What would you suggest then?” He pouted, placing a hand at his hip and jutting it out.

“Why don’t we just start slow and nothing Earthly? Crime boss seem good? Simple even…” You slurped the milk off the spoon, “But lemme finish Breakfast first!” Pointing it at him, “Slow your roll. Savor the day. Do you Time Lords even sleep?”

“Rarely.”

“Wow, that explains so much.”

He querched an eyebrow, “And what would that be, love?” The love felt oddly formal, not like being called a pet.

“I’ve only met two of you, mind, so I might be generalizing...but the high energy. Like... “ You pressed your fingertips together, “Napping? Don’t you enjoy finding a good place to sleep during the day and just sleeping and enjoying the restfulness and sensations of the sun through a window and maybe a breeze if you open it a bit.”

“No, I’d love to try it, sounds pleasurable…”

“And you said that you were the Master of Everything.” You false-scandalized then laughed, cupping his face and smiling at him. It was great. He really made you laugh in one of those cheesy, stupid ways.

“I could punish you for talking down to your Owner…” He teased right back.

“Oooh...dirty.” You gave a salacious wink.

You could feel the “You have no idea…” radiating from his pores.

“Come along, my pet…” He pulled you from the table and over to the console, “We got a crime boss to torture…”

He punched in the coordinates and grabbed his jacket, then pulled you out the door…

You were toasting your success in the newly acquired weapons-room that now belonged to, as he poured you a little more champagne.

You oddly enjoyed helping torturing the poor sap. He squirmed and you enjoyed him blanching from pain.

The machine you saw him working on was a laser screw-driver? And he gave it to you as he was attaching some high tech hand-cuffs to the man. He told you that the controls were intuitive and to “give it a whirl...see how that grabs you…” Watching the gross little green man scream and shake around, flushing and pleading- felt good. Felt powerful. It brought you a tingle of pleasure and you could see why the Master was fond of it. The device felt good in your hand and after the second whorl of your wrist, it felt like a natural extension. It felt right to hold it in your hand and be able to grasp such power.

A bit of sadism? Then champagne? And the thrill of a steal? All felt like an adrenaline rush.

What were you becoming?

A shred of our conscience echoed about the fact that you, obviously, had to kill him, something the Master allowed you to turn into him and avert your eyes as he shrunk his body and flicked it into a drainage gate. He knew your limits and didn’t go past what he knew you could currently take. You grimaced a bit as you heard a tiny clink. That was a tad harsh.

All in all, a busy day...

He was busy cataloging and cooing at all the tech he had access to his as he put it “fun, evil plans”...

It was hilarious and so endearing to watch. He was like a kid in a candy shop. Soft, feral, incorrigible.

You determined that a small nap whilst tipsy and moonstruck was a great gift to yourself. You felt the collar and played idly with the diamond heart until you blacked out.

You woke up to him watching you. “One of those fabulous little naps you talked of?” He stroked your thigh and massaged the fabric of your shorts. You pulled yourself up and propped yourself up on your elbows and coyly smiled, “Care to join me?” You winked, “Take a walk on the wild side. It’s a real treat. After that...who knows?” You teased him.

He considered it and then loosened the buttons, and took off his jacket before laying it down and rolling up his sleeves. He laid down and you offered him to slide up to you. He obliged stiffly but soonly gave in. You spotted his chest hair and stared at it for a moment. You then acted, you traced it, mildly twirling your finger in its mass, he shuddered and then left you to continue. You laid down your head on his chest and felt his hearts pounding between two different beats.

He murmured, “Keep the screwdriver. A little gift. From me to you…” You felt his hearts hitch a bit.

Sighing, you told him, “Relax." You let out a sleepy little moan. You embraced the warmth of his body and soothing echoing in his chest like a whitenoise machine. "You're doing excellent.." The Master eased up and you felt yourself ease up and drift off. You dreamt of falling through water and waves and the scent of fires and musk. You could feel a pair of eyes watching you, but they felt nonjudgmental, just guiding you deeper down. Deeper under the spell of sleep and total darkness.

#personal #i wrote this #dhawan!master #dhawan!master x reader #the master #master x reader #reader insert #doctor who self insert fiction #fanfic #sacha dhawan

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lambourngb · 5 years ago

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So I was tagged by @ninswhimsy to name my 10 favorite male and 10 favorite female characters

I have done this one before- but I thought I would switch it up and only list current shows I’m watching. And NOT IN ORDER.

Female- 1. Agent Maggie Bell - on FBI - oh man I love a good procedural, and I’ve been a fan of Missy Peregrym since Rookie Blue. 2. Kara Danvers - Supergirl - I didn’t expect to love this show the way I do, but I do. It’s a good CW superhero show. 3. Sarah Tanner- Bulletproof- the boss of two insane East London detectives- she is a great ma’am but also fiercely protective of those idiots under her charge. 4. Michaela Stone - Manifest - this show is a little nuts right now. There’s another love triangle, meh, but Michaela broke my heart first season when she came back to find her fiancé married to her best friend. 5. Athena Grant - 911 - Athena is the best and she’s why I still watch that crazy show. 6. Maya Bishop - Station 19 - Type A personality who was messed up by her parents and strives to be perfect at the cost of her personal relationships? Err, I might identify too much with her. She’s a bisexual disaster and I love her. 7. Mina Okafor - The Resident - Another type A personality that is too involved in work, with a complicated relationship with her mom, but under it all is just a good person? Yes please. 8. Lucy Chen- The Rookie - oh boy the first season was hard to get through because of the power dynamics, but her later bond with her training officer Bradford is so good. 9. Dr Claire Browne - The Good Doctor - I am so upset after that season finale, but Claire always speaks to me as a high function child of a mentally ill person. And then her mom killed herself in a car accident, and wow, my heart! 10. Tali LaCroix - FBI Most Wanted- a child actress ! Yeah I never like kids in shows, but Tali is great- smart, empathetic, dealing with a dual heritage and the death of her mom. She makes me like her dad, the lead, Jess LaCroix a whole lot more.

Male-

1. Agent OA Zidan - FBI - the other half of the great partnership with Maggie Bell. He was a bit of a cowboy in the beginning, but now I just love how deeply he cares for Maggie and what a team they make.

2. Aaron Bishop- Bulletproof - oh man, kid from the streets, finding his family in his work, his bond with his partner, his very reasonable complaints about dying in a car because of his partner’s crazy driving. Season 2 killed me with how deeply he got involved in undercover work and thought he had found a father figure.

3. Ronnie Pike - Bulletproof- the opposite of Bishop, from a very nice family, married with kids, and he’s a crazy man behind the wall. His deep love for Bishop is so great. These two are my favorite buddy cop duos.

4. Jared Vasquez - Manifest- I mean this guy makes bad decisions because of how deeply he loves Michaela. Definitely the cautionary tale of falling love with your work partner because he has a hard time comparmentalizing. He’s a dumbass.

5. Malcolm Bright- Prodigal Son - I love his brilliant and naive brain at work. The episode where he reconnects with his only friend- oh man break my heart with the feels.

6. Conrad Hawkins - The Resident - I mean, he’s almost a Mary Sue this man is so perfect- hot, brilliant, messed up from his military past, heart open and bleeding, and finally learning to be emotionally open? Yeah.

7. Michael Guerin- Roswell New Mexico- I am so into my network procedurals but Michael is my favorite. He hooked me to the show when I probably would have been one and done, but that first scene in the jail, and I was gone. By episode 6 I was obsessed. I love this soft lonely, alien bisexual disaster. I love Alex too, but that love took some time to build because my very first watch I was turned off by the closeted thing. It wasn’t until when the reasons became clear that I got obsessed. But Michael came first. ❤️

8. Ben Shakir - Evil - oh man this show freaks me out and I have to watch with the lights on, but I’ve loved Assif Mandvi since the Daily Show and he’s a real joy to watch as the tech expert in disproving miracles.

9. Mark Callan - All Rise - Tortured past ? Daddy Issues? Bleeding heart wrapped in sarcasm? Extremely protective of his female best friend? A romantic disaster? Yeah Mark Callan checks all my boxes.

10. Sheriff Bill Hollister - Deputy - I did not expect to like this show. But it really hooked me with the cast. Bill is a bit of a Mary Sue too- always doing the right thing for the most part, devoted to his wife and daughter, supportive of his staff and welcoming. He’s just a genuinely good person who doesn’t like politics. I love the scenes with him and his non-binary assistant Bishop.

#tagged meme #meme #television chitchat

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years ago

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Things won’t get better unless you make them better Survey by emptyspaces

Do you agree with the quote in the survey title? I get the main point, which is that you have to be an active participant in your life and take the necessary steps. Waiting around doing nothing won’t get you very far that’s for sure. It can certainly be easier said than done, though. You can feel so overwhelmed, so lost, so deep in it that you don’t know where to begin or even have the energy or motivation to try. And sometimes even when you do try, things can still be difficult. It can take a lot of time. There’s other factors as well. Some things are simply out of our control. So, again I get the main sentiment but it’s often not that simple.

How many windows are on the front of your house? There aren’t any.

What common problem have you never experienced? Hm. Any car or driving related problem cause I don’t drive.

Alternatively, what's an uncommon problem you have experienced? There’s a lot of things, like accidentally burning my inner thighs because I placed a Starbucks coffee between my legs so my hands were free to wheel around, not realizing it was way too hot. I thought the cup sleeve was enough, but nope. I’m a paraplegic, which means I have zero feeling from the waist down, so I have to be really careful about that sort of thing.

Do you know anyone who opposes marriage equality?�� Yes.

Are you an early riser or a night owl? I don’t even go to bed until like 7 or 8AM, so I’m a night owl and early bird.

What was the last thing you got really emotional about? Health related stuff.

What's the longest amount of time you've been ill for? Most recently was when I got the flu and bronchitis last year that knocked me down on my ass for like 2 months. Part of that was recovering from the setbacks being sick caused. It took me quite awhile to feel my normal again. It actually took several months getting one of the health things I’m dealing with back under control.

What's your cure for hiccups? I don’t have one, they just go away eventually.

Who is your closest male friend? I don’t have any friends.

Do you track your spending? Of course. I’m not able to just spend whatever and not give it any thought. I don’t have it like that.

Are you addicted to anything? Caffeine.

What was your life like 5 years ago? Where were you living, working, etc? Wow. Five years ago I graduated with my BA in psych. I was still living here. I wasn’t working. The plan was I was going to take some time for myself, work on some things, figure out what I want to do. Unfortunately, things took a nosedive with my health, especially my depression. I fell deeper and deeper and things got worse and welp I haven’t done anything with my life since then.

Have you ever let a mental health issue go untreated? Yes. Even now I still have yet to seek any counseling or try to take any steps to work on things.

Do you know anyone who hunts for meat? No.

Have you ever lived with a boyfriend/girlfriend? No.

What do you wash dishes with? Sponge, scrub brush, rag, something else? We have a scrub brush. How old were you when your parents first let you have a TV in your room? I don’t recall exactly, but for as long as I can remember I’ve had one in my room.

Are you more practical or creative? Practical. Not a creative bone in my body. <<<

Have you ever seen Requiem For A Dream? I don’t think so.

Do you put your glasses and mugs right side up or upside down on the cabinet shelf? Upside down.

Are you planning to make any big purchases soon? Like what? For how much? Kinda. I’ve started my Christmas shopping already.

Are you a recent university grad? It’s been 5 years now.

What changes to the environment/climate have you noticed in your lifetime? Well, just in my state alone the wildfires have gotten significantly worse the past few years.

Do you own any power tools? Not personally, but there’s several out in the garage that my dad has should I ever need one.

How old were you when you first flew on a plane? 16.

Does everyone in your family get along with each other? My parents, brother, and I are very close. Most of my extended family gets along as well with one another, but there’s a few we don’t talk to cause of certain things and drama.

What did you have for dinner last night? Chicken tenders and fries from Carl’s Jr.

What was the worst part of your childhood? The surgeries and many, many doctor visits (and all the different tests, xrays, etc that came along with them).

What grocery items do you buy the most frequently? My family’s main staples include coffee, creamers, eggs, garlic, shredded cheese, sandwich stuff, milk (regular and almond milk), meats (hamburger, sausage, chicken, steaks), frozen foods, different snacks, spaghetti noodles and sauce, canned foods...

Have you ever seen a high school relationship last long-term? (like 10+yrs) Yeah, I’ve known some high school sweethearts.

Do you know any cancer survivors? Yes.

What color is your bed frame? Black.

How old were you when you first started dating? My first boyfriend was when I was 16.

What's the highest-level science course you've taken? Human biology in college.

Have you ever had something stolen from you? Yes.

Leftover pizza for breakfast... yay or nay? Nay.

Do you personally know anyone who's a psychopath or sociopath? No.

What is your most used kitchen appliance? Definitely my Keurig.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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lisatelramor · 5 years ago

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Little Problems

Heiji/Conan because I don’t know. For a prompt from the mostly dead DCMK LJ kinkmeme: I would love see something with Conan and the differences between his mental and physical ages. Possible underage

***

When Conan first got de-aged, he thought that it really was just a reversal of time, a regression to the child body he had years ago, but the longer he was Conan, the less sense it made, and once he met Ai, he knew it was false.

“It’s not a true regression,” she confirmed when he asked her about it. “It seems to mostly target muscle, bone, and organs in reverting to an earlier state, but some of it, especially the nervous system doesn’t work the same way. Think about it, if it truly reverted us to six years of age, how would you still have your memories of being a teen?”

“I kind of assumed it just…happened. Like, why wouldn’t I since it’s still me?” But now that she pointed it out, that was a good point.

Ai rapped her knuckles on Conan’s forehead. “Your brain didn’t change even if everything else did. You’ve had to have noticed some things.”

Conan rubbed at his forehead, scowling. “Of course I did or I wouldn’t have asked. I didn’t keep my muscle tone when I got smaller, but I kept my reflexes. My brain sometimes still forgets I’m small, though I’m mostly used to that by this point.”

“You kept your adult teeth,” Ai said, “and your brain and everything that entails. Memory, which I suppose must include some muscle memory, the pre-existing mental patterns you had, and all the chemical processes the brain controls.”

“It’s a good thing it kept the patterns or I’d be screwed.” Conan couldn’t imagine trying to re-learn all of his detective knowledge. It had taken him a lifetime to get there, and it would have taken even longer starting as Conan without his parents teaching him new things when they went on trips. “And you wouldn’t be able to work on the apotoxin at all.”

“We’d be normal children,” Ai said, “albeit with some interesting memories. If any of it gives you trouble though, let me know and I’m sure I can find a work around.”

“I’ve been fine so far?” Conan said.

Ai gave him an unimpressed look. “There are things a six year old body isn’t quite equipped for.”

Conan gave her a blank look.

“You aren’t dense, Kudo. When I said your brain retained its chemical processes that included libido.”

“Oh.” He blushed. He blushed darker as he remembered a few… distinct moments since he became Conan that he hadn’t even questioned at the time. Because why would he since he was himself in his head?

Ai rolled her eyes. “Right. So if that becomes unmanageable, I can figure something out.”

“…Why would it be unmanageable?”

“You’re a teenage boy?”

They stared at each other and Conan connected certain stereotypes about teenage boys with himself and yelped. “I’m not that bad!” In fact, that particular…issue…had barely come up (why, word choice, why). “That wasn’t a big issue before I shrunk in the first place!” That was more personal information than he wanted Ai to know but why not? She knew almost everything else about his bodily functions by this point after all the tests she put him through. He hadn’t been this embarrassed since Ran tried to take a bath with him. And oh, that had been a reaction he shouldn’t have had too… Although… now that he thought of it, it had been mostly mental…?

Conan froze, turning that over in his head. He’d definitely felt both embarrassed and aroused at the time. But he had barely reacted physically. “Um.”

“Yes?” Ai asked, watching the progress of emotions on his face.

“Nothing.”

She gave him an unimpressed glower. “I’m technically your doctor these days. You never know what might be important to figuring out the apotoxin.”

Conan squirmed, looking away. “I really would rather not talk about that kind of thing with you.”

“Ah, so there are sexual side effects.” A pen clicked as she pulled out a notebook. “Talk.”

“Haibara,” Conan whined, pleading.

She lifted an eyebrow. “I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.”

“I don’t want to know yours!”

“I don’t care about yours, but it really might be important.”

Conan groaned into his hands. “I don’t know if I can physically get aroused,” he said finally.

“…That’s it?”

“I mean, I can mentally feel it, but I can’t remember much physical reaction since shrinking.”

Ai clicked the pen a few times with a hum. “Theoretically, your body is a child’s so there could be a mental-physical disconnect. But. Your brain has the hormones to process stimulation, and signal physiological responses, so…”

“So?”

“So you might have a bit more trouble, but it should still be possible to experience the physical side.” She gave him a contemplative look. “You never noticed. Not once?”

“I don’t… feel or do that much. Even as a teenager.”

“Huh.” She made a couple of marks on the paper. “Noted. If anything changes about that, tell me.” Conan would rather go through another apotoxin transformation. “In the meantime, maybe experiment to see if you really can or can’t get aroused. I haven’t been having any problems.”

Conan clapped hands over his ears. “I didn’t need to know that.”

Ai rolled her eyes. “You’re not twelve and I’m not even being detailed.”

“I don’t want to think about you in anything even remotely adjacent to sexual.”

“Wow. Thanks.” She snorted though so she wasn’t actually insulted.

Conan buried his head in his hands, face on fire. Kill him now, he was never living this down. “…You realize I live with Ran, right. And sleep next to her father?”

“You shower on your own, don’t you? If not, you have your house right over there. Just say you’re visiting the professor.”

Yes because telling Ran he was visiting Agasa and then going off to try and get off in a six year old’s body wasn’t a messed up scenario at all.

Ugh.

“You know what, I think I’m going home.”

Ai gave him a look that said he was being ridiculous, and not in an endearing way. “I mean it, Kudo. Hormonal changes or the body failing to process certain chemicals could be important to working toward the cure. If your body does anything abnormal, tell me.”

“Right. Goodbye.” Conan snatched up his school bag, ignoring Ai’s sigh behind him. His face actually hurt from how hard he was blushing. He wasn’t going to think too hard on this. In fact he was going to do his best to forget it.

o*O*o

He couldn’t forget it. Conan stood under the hot shower spray trying to not think about what Ai had said and somehow coming right back around to it. He really didn’t want to think about it. But here he was. Thinking about trying to get off while Ran and her father were somewhere on the other side of the door and—while they probably wouldn’t walk in—could interrupt at any time.

Aaaaah, what was he even thinking?!

His child body had never been more ill-fitting. Looking down at himself, he felt like he didn’t belong in his own skin and even less aroused than the whole situation was already making him feel, but damn it if Ai didn’t have a point. He really wanted her to be able to make that antidote. He also really hoped that his body would be functional when she did, and he didn’t know how much had or hadn’t changed thanks to the poison beyond his obvious little problem.

Conan closed his eyes. Maybe… maybe he could fantasize. He’d done it before, when he was his real age. Not often, but he’d done it. Pictured faceless people when some inner tension got coiled up inside of him and hormones demanded attention. He’d seen plenty of bodies. Granted more than a fair share of dead ones, but he’d seen attractive bodies and pretty faces. Inviting lips and soft chests and smooth, inviting thighs.

Once, he’d thought of Ran and hadn’t been able to get through a full conversation with her for most of a week.

Now he knew exactly what she looked like without her clothing on, but it felt cheap to think of her when she didn’t know that he’d seen her. Like a betrayal of trust as if this whole situation wasn’t enough of one already. So he didn’t think of Ran. He thought of a hand touching his chest. Of kissing someone and a warm body pressed close. He thought of that hand moving down, down along his torso to his hip. His thigh. His groin.

Conan almost lost the fantasy when he touched himself. He was barely hard and didn’t fit in his hand the way he used to. It didn’t feel quite right but oh, now that he was acknowledging that it was there, he could feel that tension in him. It had built up and up and up, but there was always so much going on, so many things to distract from it. Cases. Fear. Trying to keep secrets. He licked his lips, imagined someone kissing, pressing, possessing.

Of letting go. Giving over to someone else for a moment so that it could stop. His brain could stop, the fear and waiting for the other shoe to drop could stop and he could just be for a moment. He was hard now, though it had taken longer than he remembered it ever taking and it still didn’t feel quite right.

A hand stroking—no, the image of lips curled around him, a tongue flicking out and, ah, it felt good, but not enough. He pulled on images seared in his mind from guilty internet searches and accidental glimpses. The coil grew tighter, his hand moved faster, that tension in his mind and groin growing toward a peak—

It didn’t peak though. It hit a plateau instead and Conan lost his fantasy entirely with a groan of frustration. He looked down at himself, small child body and all and wanted to cry. Or maybe yell at Haibara because he’d been fine but she’d brought this to mind and now he couldn’t even reach some kind of satisfaction.

Conan let go and took a deep breath. The water was getting cold, a sign he’d been in here far longer than he should be. He couldn’t remember what his body had been like when he was actually this age, but he knew he’d never tried something like this then. Hadn’t even thought about it until the end of middle school and hearing other boys talk got him curious.

This probably wasn’t normal though.

Probably.

Theoretically he should be able to reach orgasm, but right now, whatever he needed to tip over the edge just wasn’t there.

Conan grabbed the soap and finished washing. There was frustration of more than one kind simmering in the back of his mind, but nothing was going to be done about it now. Sure enough, after a few minutes, he got soft again too. He wrapped up in a big fluffy towel feeling betrayed all over again by this child body. Worse, he’d have to tell Ai if he wasn’t able to get it to work right. Damn it.

“Conan?” came a knock on the door. Ran. “You’ve been in there a long time, are you okay?”

“Fine, Ran-neechan!” he called back, forcing his voice light and even. “I’ll be right out!”

He was just going to have to try again, wasn’t he?

Conan didn’t want to (but kind of did. Damn it.)

o*O*o

Subsequent attempts did not go better. If anything, Conan was finally beginning to understand what some of his classmates on the football team meant when they complained about being horny. For the first time in his life, he couldn’t simply take care of the problem, and, like that fact was causing a dam, it just grew instead of settling back to the recesses of his mind like it usually did. It was awful. How did people live regularly feeling like this? He kind of wanted to scrub his mind for how often it kept wandering back to something dirty. Or have some kind of censor because he spent most of his time around elementary students and even if they couldn’t read his mind, it just wasn’t the setting for any of those sorts of thoughts.

He couldn’t help fidgeting through class after the first week of experimentation, and he could really live without the knowing looks Ai gave him too often for his peace of mind.

This was all her fault. He hadn’t been having any issues before this. Dammit, Ai.

He scowled down at his phone, at the two week mark, and broke. Because he had to eventually. So, he wrote, there may be a problem.

With what? Ai texted back an agonizing three minutes later.

You know what.

Clarification, Kudo. There’s always some kind of problem with you.

He kind of hated that she was right about that too. Either he was sick or there was a case or there was a Black Org sighting or… or who even knew what with his luck. He was amazed Ran wasn’t getting suspicious about all the long baths and showers he’d taken lately.

There might be a problem with this body, he sent back. Then, because he knew she’d press the point, sexually.

There was another uncomfortably long gap that he knew she was making him suffer purposely. Okay, what’s the problem?

Conan shut his eyes a moment, so very glad that this wasn’t face to face or over phone. I can’t orgasm.

At all?

It just plateaus. It’s also difficult to get a physical reaction in the first place. It kind of stings to add that, but she did need to know. This would be so much easier if she was an actual doctor, not a friend/ally who happened to have a sliver of medical knowledge.

Perhaps there’s a problem with your receptors? Have you had issues feeling other kinds of pleasure?

Hmm, did he have trouble with pleasure? Well, he was frequently stressed out of his mind because he didn’t know if people would come back to kill him properly, he was living a double life, he was stuck in grade school again, and he’d seen more death since becoming Conan than he’d seen in all the time he’d been a practicing detective before that. Really, Ai, what kind of a question was that? I still feel happy sometimes and enjoy food if it’s good I guess, what kind of pleasure do you even mean?

Sometimes, hmm?

He rolled his eyes. Shut up, you know exactly what crap I’m dealing with.

Which is why I asked, because you might be depressed, and that’s an entirely different issue than the apotoxin.

I’m not depressed. Probably. He still felt motivated to do the things he enjoyed. More or less. He liked cases. Though was that really enjoyment sometimes or compulsion because he knew he could help? Same difference really. I might have mild PTSD though, he admitted.

Don’t we all, Ai said with her typical dark humor.

Well, considering the number of bodies they’d seen and people who’d tried to kill them, any of the people in his friend groups really. Hmm. Not much of a joke when you got down to it. There was so much fuel for nightmares his psyche couldn’t even settle on anything half the time, just horrible anxious feelings and hazy, bloody images.

Have you tried internal stimulation?

Conan flushed. He wasn’t going to talk about his masturbation habits with Ai. He just wasn’t.

When he didn’t answer, she sent, I’ll take that as a no, you’re too vanilla to consider that an option. Try it. It might help.

I hate you, he sent back.

You don’t.

He turned off his phone and buried his face in a pillow. It didn’t do much to properly muffle his frustrated yell though, and he had Ran poking her head in a few moments later looking concerned.

“Just… trying a stress relief method Mitsuhiko suggested,” Conan said weakly.

“Do you need to talk about it?” Ran asked in that worried, motherly way she always had when she addressed Conan’s needs.

It never failed to make him feel like a horrible person for both hiding who he was and for hating how her kindness made him feel stifled. “I’m good,” Conan said. “We just have to give a speech in class next week and I’m a bit nervous.”

“Well you can practice telling it to me if that helps,” Ran said giving him a kind smile. “Practice will probably help more than yelling into pillows.”

Conan laughed. “Ah, yeah. Thanks Ran-neechan.”

“Anytime, Conan-kun.”

Conan thunked his head back into the pillow once she walked out. Maybe he could suffocate himself with it.

o*O*o

He wasn’t avoiding trying Ai’s suggestion. He just was…busy. Also where the heck was he going to get lubricant for that sort of thing? He was seven. (Ok, yes there was oil and lotion available. Still. Ai. Why?)

Conan put it all out of his mind for the moment—as much as the sudden flare of hormones allowed him to at any rate—and focused on the cases that never stopped coming. He was honestly just glad that they weren’t all murders for once. Kogoro had been hired on a string of theft related cases that had somehow led to chasing a trail out of Tokyo and into Osaka, so Conan wasn’t the least bit surprised when he ran into Hattori.

“Ya could’ve called,” Hattori complained, having more or less kidnapped Conan in the name of bonding after the case finally wrapped up. “I haven’t got to hang out with you in ages.”

“It hasn’t even been a full month,” Conan said. He sipped at his illicit coffee, glad that Ran wasn’t here to complain that it might stunt his growth. Caffeine, sweet caffeine.

“Ages,” Hattori said like Conan hadn’t spoken at all. “And ya look kinda stressed. Too many cases?”

Conan snorted. “I wish.” The more he kept busy the less he thought about any of his problems. “A new water park opened a week ago.”

“Yeah?” Hattori said, raising an eyebrow as he tried to connect how that was related to anything.

“Sonoko thought it would be fun to take Ran and Ran invited all the Shounen Tantei.”

“And?” Hattori asked, propping his chin on a hand. “Sounds like a fun time.”

Conan pressed his hands under his glasses to massage at his eyes. He was so drained. “Ran in a swimsuit,” Conan said. And Ai giving him those stupid ‘I know exactly what you’re thinking’ looks the whole time. And Ayumi trying to drag him around and the hormonal part of his brain that suddenly was noticing attractive features pointing out all the exposed skin around him. It had been awful.

Hattori snickered. “Really. Yer stressed cuz you saw Nee-chan in a swimsuit. How many times have ya seen her in one by this point?”

“It’s not funny. I wasn’t—”

“Wasn’t…?”

He glared between his fingers. “I wasn’t hormonal then and there was always a case to distract me. No one died or had something stolen or got lost or anything this time.”

Hattori laughed at him. “Ya know it’s kind of sad that you haveta put it like that.”

“You know what I mean.” Hattori ran into cases often enough even if it wasn’t as often as Conan.

“Yeah, yeah. So what, right now yer ‘hormonal’?”

“Yes,” Conan grit out between his teeth. “Don’t make fun of me for it.”

“Wasn’t gonna,” Hattori said, but he still had the edge of a smile on his face. “Didn’t know ya could get hormonal.”

“Honestly, I didn’t even think about it until Haibara brought it up. Apparently our brains are still our real age? So that includes all the chemical responses of a more mature brain…”

“So hormones. Damn. That sucks,” Hattori said.

“You have no idea.”

“Kinda surprised ya didn’t notice until she brought it up though.”

Conan rolled his eyes. “Hattori. You know me. Attraction is not the first thing on my mind.”

“Not even when you’re with Nee-chan?”

“I live with her. How the hell would I function if that was always on my mind? Besides, she treats me like I’m actually seven. It would be really weird if it was on my mind when she’s acting motherly.”

Hattori snorted.

Conan glared. “No. Shut up.”

“Kinky,” Hattori said between snickers.

“Like you think about that kind of thing all that often. I mean it’s normal to think about other things more, right?”

Hattori shrugged. “I dunno. I mean I don’t think about it a ton, but some hot person walks by and bam, brain goes a certain direction. Not like I’m gonna do anything about it, but it happens.”

“Is everyone just going around horny all the time?” Conan asked and Hattori outright started laughing at him again. “This really isn’t funny.”

“It totally is.” Hattori wiped away a fake tear and Conan contemplated dumping the rest of his coffee on him. But that would be a waste of perfectly good illicit coffee. “I mean, not everyone is, but I betcha a lot of people think about it all the time even when they’re not around a hot person.”

“Ugh.”

“That’s life.”

“Ugh,” Conan said with more feeling. He buried his face in his coffee for a few moments while Hattori dug himself out of the situation’s apparent hilarity.

“So,” Hattori said, clearly trying to be serious again. “Yer havin’ a swimsuit kinda problem.”

“I’m having a ‘I can’t get off’ kind of problem,” he grumbled under his breath.

“Wait, really?”

“Really.”

“Haibara thinks it might be a side effect of the whole…” He waved a hand at himself. “But I still have hormones. So there’s no outlet.”

“Ya tried…” Hattori made a discreet jerking motion.

“No, because I’d never think of that. Of course I tried.” His face heated up. It was almost as bad as talking to Ai about this, but at least Hattori was a guy.

“Not ta be crude but, uh, can ya… y’know?” Hattori waved a hand vaguely in a way that could have meant anything from ‘take flight’ to the more implied ‘have sex’.

“In theory?” He was not going to share that Ai apparently had no trouble satisfying her own hormonal urges. Ugh.

“Did ya try, uh…” Another crude hand gesture, Hattori glancing around and hoping no one caught that.

“…If you’re asking if I tried having sex with someone no, what the hell. If you mean ‘internal stimulation’,” Conan said, mimicking how Ai had made the suggestion, “also not really. I er, attempted a few times but.” Either he was just really bad at this or he wasn’t doing it right. Or maybe he just had a bad angle. Or maybe it really just wasn’t his thing.

“Really?” Hattori finally blushed a bit. “It can be kinda nice.”

Conan was learning too much about his friends. Too much. “I’ll take your word for that. My only impression is ‘awkward and uncomfortable’.”

“Then ya aren’t doing it right.”

“Sure.”

“Seriously,” Hattori said. “It takes a bit of practice but it’s good.”

“Unless you’re offering a demonstration, I’ll really just take your word for it,” Conan said with a snort. Hattori went bright red and choked on air. Conan blinked. “That. Wasn’t an offer was it?”

“I—No, that—You!” Hattori coughed.

Conan raised an eyebrow. Huh. “You wouldn’t happen to be interested in giving a demonstration would you?”

“Uh!” Hattori looked like he was dying. Conan hadn’t realized he could blush that bright with his darker skin. He also hadn’t realized Hattori could possibly be interested that way because, well, Conan was seven physically.

“Really.”

“Oh my god, I swear I’m not a perv,” Hattori said into his hands.

“This conversation is really making it feel like the opposite.”

“It’s not how ya look, it’s just. You.”

“Me.”

“You.” Hattori scowled at him, angry and embarrassed and probably a little turned on considering the topic.

And Conan realized he himself wasn’t entirely uninterested. Which was a novelty. It wasn’t like he didn’t notice men. He had certainly noticed the fitter men at the water park the other day. It was just that he was used to pushing that to the side along with most other things like that. They were pretty bodies and it didn’t really mean much if they were male or female at the end of the day. They didn’t mean much to him when they were strangers. But this was Hattori and he was, objectively speaking, an attractive man. Conan had seen him shirtless more than once. He had very nice shoulders.

“Huh.”

“Shut it, Kudo, don’t make this weird.”

“I think it’s already pretty weird.” Conan sat back and finished the last of his coffee. Huh. Maybe he should be expanding his fantasies a little. Ran wasn’t the only person he knew with nice legs and arms. “Asking seriously, would you be interested?” Because maybe that was the missing piece. Maybe he just couldn’t get off to his own hand, and if anyone could look at him and see Shinichi in Conan, it would be Hattori who was constantly forgetting to call him by his fake name anyway. “It wouldn’t be too uncomfortable?”

“I mean…” Hattori eyed him. “Yer not really…”

“I know.” Being physically a child was a turn off. He got that.

“Like, ya have a great brain and I know yer hot as hell as a teen. It’s a bit… ya know.”

“I know.” Conan sighed. “You wouldn’t have to touch or anything, I’d seriously just take a demonstration. And be grateful if you could get me some actual lube.”

“Oh my god, Kudo what the hell have ya been trying to use?”

“Lotion.”

“Well there’s a chunk of yer problem.” Hattori sat up. His blush faded a bit as he gave it serious thought. Conan found that expression a lot nicer than his embarrassed one. Conan could appreciate Hattori for his brain too. “So how likely is it that Nee-chan’d let ya stay an extra day, just you and me?”

“I mean if I pitch it right, I’m sure she’d agree.” Ran was susceptible to Conan’s puppy eyes.

“Then I could probably show ya a few things. If yer actually serious.” The blush creeped back and Conan had to smile.

“I’d appreciate it,” he said. “I mean I would like to get off considering how long it’s been,” he said wryly.

“Not even once since…?”

“Nope.”

“Well damn, no wonder ya get so bummed.”

“Because the life or death pressure and dead bodies have nothing to do with it,” Conan said sarcastically.

Hattori snorted. “Ok, Kudo, we’ll make this happen.”

“Yay,” Conan said in a flat voice that made Hattori snicker more. “I can’t believe I’m going to do this.”

“You and me both,” Hattori said. He stood up. “C’mon, let’s go convince Nee-chan.”

o*O*o

They got their shirts off before they hit the first stall, Hattori sending Conan’s bare torso an uncomfortable look.

It could have been the scars; Conan had a lot of them for someone who looked seven, one even matching Hattori’s but he knew it was an age thing, not a body image thing. “Is this going to be a problem?” Conan asked, stepping out of his shorts.

“No,” Hattori said too quickly. “No, it’s fine. I’m just gonna…” He dropped his own pants, leaving them puddled on the floor and stood there in his boxers fidgeting.

“Uh huh.” Conan left his underwear for now. Hattori was uncomfortable enough at the moment. “How are we doing this?”

“Uh.” Hattori scratched at his cheek. “I can show ya how I, y’know. Or ya could try how you’ve been doing it and I can try ta figure out where ya went wrong…”

Either way required one of them to put themselves on display. Conan flushed lightly. It had kind of been a given that this had to happen, but it didn’t make him any less flustered. He’d never done this before. Heck, he’d never really even had a first kiss. That, Conan realized, he wanted to remedy before they did anything. He’d thought that if he did anything like this he’d do it with Ran, but doing this with Hattori wasn’t bad. He trusted Hattori. He didn’t like him the way he did Ran, but he did like him or he wouldn’t be here at all.

Conan bit his lip. “Can I…”

“Yeah?” Hattori looked relieved that Conan was taking the lead.

Conan waved him closer, a little annoyed, not for the first time, that there was such a large height difference when he was like this. “I know we didn’t really talk about this being anything but a demonstration. But would you mind if I kissed you?”

Hattori blinked, face dusting red. “That’s… Yeah, sure, go ahead.”

Oh good. Conan reached up and Hattori bent almost double. Conan made a tiny sound of irritation wishing Hattori had a Western bed instead of a futon because it would have evened the distance a little bit. A second later, Hattori helpfully fell to his knees, still taller, but at least a reasonable amount instead of twice his size. He had a tiny smirk on his face and Conan was torn between gratitude and irritation. He pushed it aside in favor of the kiss.

He didn’t know what kissing was supposed to feel like, hundreds of descriptions couldn’t really prepare him for the actual feeling of it, but it wasn’t bad. His lips felt too sensitive and it was somehow startling when he felt Hattori’s lips move against his, the sense of space past them and the surprising realization that where there was less give meant Hattori’s teeth were there. It wasn’t really a romantic kiss at all, but he still pulled back with his heart beating faster and face feeling hot.

It was probably weird for Hattori too since Conan was so much smaller, but he just grinned and leaned in for another kiss. This one was wetter. It should have been gross, but it wasn’t. Conan felt pinned in place even though the only parts of them touching were their lips and one of Hattori’s hands on his face, Conan’s own hands having fallen away as he got lost in trying to categorize the sensation.

“So,” Hattori said when they pulled away again, voice just a bit rougher, “how are we doing this?”

Watch Hattori or Hattori watching him? “You can start,” Conan said after a moment, licking his lips nervously. It left a tingly feeling behind, still too sensitive from the kiss.

Hattori shot him a grin that looked equally nervous, but went reaching in a cupboard for a bottle. It was half full, and clearly lube. Conan blinked at it as Hattori set it next to his futon. “I’m taking my unders off. Just warning ya.”

And then Conan was blinking because he was staring at Hattori’s cock, already half-mast even though they’d only barely kissed. Maybe Hattori was into voyeurism? Hattori was average size, but his cock looked bigger given Conan’s current circumstances, and he had an impulse to reach out and touch just to confirm how it felt compared to his own. They hadn’t agreed to that though, so Conan let his eyes flick back up to Hattori’s face, hands flexing once as he buried the desire to touch.

“Not scaring ya off, is it?” Hattori joked. He shifted foot to foot before going back on his knees. “I told ya I’d show ya how to do it. And first things first, don’t start if yer not already turned on.”

Conan’s breath caught in his throat as Hattori reached down and stroked himself. There was a light blush on his cheeks but his eyes were locked on Conan’s. His cock swelled with each pass of his hand to fully erect.

“Second,” Hattori said, a bit breathless. He let go and reached for the bottle. “Lube. Lotion’s fine for jerking off but it ain’t cutting it for fingering.” A snap of the bottle opening and Conan twitched. Oh, he realized as he felt heat in his gut. Oh, he was into this too. It was the fastest he’d felt aroused since becoming a child again, even more so than that bath with Ran. Maybe because this actually was a sexual situation and he’d spent that whole time then reminding himself that it wasn’t. He pressed a palm against his crotch as Hattori dribbled lube over his fingers. Still not hard, Conan thought, but he would get there fast at this rate. It was like his body actually wanted to synch with his mind at the moment.

Hattori went to reach behind himself, paused and turned to the side so he was actually visible. The blush on his face went darker. “So. Ya gotta take it at your own pace. If it’s hurting it’s not going right. ‘S supposed ta be an indulgence, not a race.” He took a moment to circle his hole with a finger before just dipping the tip of a finger in, then repeated that, slowly getting deeper each pass. Okay that was the first thing Conan had been doing wrong then. Apparently you didn’t just make sure your finger was slick and go for it. Or at least not if you didn’t do that kind of thing regularly. He supposed some people would have no trouble with it, but he wasn’t one of them.

“When that feels good ya can add more,” Hattori said. He bit his lip, seeming to be enjoying the whole process. “Uh, what number’re we on?”

“Third?” Conan said, though Hattori had kind of stopped counting in the middle there.

“Right. Third. Is yer prostate.” Hattori shifted a bit, pressing at a different angle, deeper, and his breath stuttered. Conan could see his cock jump. “It’s. If ya get deeper and at the right angle, everything feels a lot better. Kinda intense. Like a shock in a good way or something.”

In spite of himself, Conan snorted. “Eloquent.”

“Shut it, I have two fingers up my ass. I’m not exactly talking clear-headed.” He gave a little groan of pleasure, knees bracing a little bit wider. “It’s good,” Hattori said. His shoulder and arm muscles bunched, straining to get the best angle and his eyes drifted half shut, something between pleasure and concentration on his face.

Conan was very aware of the fact that he was standing there, watching one of his best friends get off. Hattori, who’d never hesitated to touch him or treat him like an equal even though he was in this body. When Hattori gasped, hips shifting into open air, a thin whine came from Conan’s throat. He ground his hand against where he was finally hard.

“Y’know,” Hattori said roughly, “the whole point is fer you ta do it. Much as I like ya watching.” He tossed a wink at the end and Conan’s face went hot.

“Uh.”

With the hand not up his ass, Hattori tossed the bottle of lube Conan’s way. Conan fumbled it, managing to grab it just before it hit the floor.

He fumbled the cap open and pulled down his underwear. He froze when he noticed Hattori glance him up and down. There was a flash of conflict on his face before it smoothed over. Conan internally grimaced. Of course this body would be a problem. Still, Hattori didn’t look away as Conan reached back. He tried to replicate what Hattori had been doing, but it was still awkward and the angle didn’t make it any easier.

“Try on yer knees or stomach if standing’s a problem,” Hattori said.

Conan shot him a frown, but got on his knees. It was a little easier to balance at least, if no easier to reach. The dull pressure of a finger was no more pleasurable than the last time he tried this, but it didn’t hurt either, so the lube was good for something.

“Yer too tense,” Hattori said, voice low and intimate. Conan flushed at the sound. He’d never really thought about what books meant with a sex-voice, but if there was one, Hattori currently had it.

“I can’t help it,” Conan muttered.

“Look at me. Ya were a lot more comfortable watching. So watch and don’t focus too hard.”

Conan almost rolled his eyes. Watch, don’t watch, pay attention, don’t. Hattori was being contradictory. But it was easier to focus on how the slow movement of Hattori’s hand made something in his gut clench and the intent way Hattori was watching him. Hattori’s free hand reached up to stroke his erection, still watching Conan and still moving his other hand behind him. Conan bit his lip and tried to work in another finger in hopes it would feel better.

“Too fast,” Hattori said.

“Shut up, I’m trying,” Conan mumbled. He tried a slightly different angle. Still nothing and he was getting frustrated which made him tenser which made the whole thing less comfortable.

Hattori sighed and removed both hands and wiped them on his discarded underwear. “Here. Just lemme…” He paused, hands reaching for Conan, to assess if he was welcome or not.

Conan huffed and closed the distance. Hattori’s hands settled on his hips. “If you think you can.”

“I got ya, Kudo,” Hattori said softly and Conan shivered as the words were breathed against his ear. The hands lifted and there was the pop of the lube cap before they returned, one on his hip, one carefully sliding up his crack. Conan twitched, not sure if he wanted to move away from the feeling or not, and Hattori waited, moved again.

It was strange being touched by someone else, but good strange. Conan sucked in a breath as Hattori pressed a finger. But didn’t enter. He kept skirting the area and pressing just enough that Conan’s body felt like it wanted him to just press in because it was confusing his nerve ends on what was even going on. When the finger finally did press in it was smooth and steady forward pressure that left Conan gasping and leaning against Hattori’s chest.

Hattori chuckled sending vibration along Conan’s skin. “Better?” he asked, smug.

“Ah,” Conan managed between suddenly labored breaths. Hattori had bigger fingers by far, but that didn’t hurt. Just one finger wasn’t that much bigger than the two Conan had managed, but it felt far better. Maybe it was because Hattori was slower, or maybe because he knew what he was doing. Or maybe it was because it was Hattori doing it at all, Conan didn’t know—he just knew that it felt good. Hattori pulled back then forward again, deeper and a slightly different angle and Conan dug fingernails into Hattori’s sides as something intense shot through his body like touching a live wire. “Hmmm!”

“Yeah, that’s yer prostate. It’s nice. Kinda a lot of feeling but the good kind, yeah?”

Was it good? Was it bad? Conan was harder than ever and he still wasn’t sure if that had been pleasant or just overwhelming but whichever it was he wanted to feel it again to try to figure it out. Thankfully Hattori pressed along that spot again, leaving Conan open mouthed and panting as he clung, trying to piece together what the hell that feeling even was.

The internal coil went tighter, tighter, and surely this time it would peak? Surely? Or plateau like before? But the feeling kept rising until his whole body felt hypersensitive and he was shaking, barely upright thanks to Hattori in front of him, and Conan’s mind was a blank mess of desire and physical pleasure. Conan didn’t even notice one finger become two or the soft swear Hattori muttered as he shifted to better support Conan’s weight. He just hung on, eyes glaze and chest pulling for breaths.

“Shit, Kudo,” Hattori murmured, his free hand hesitating a moment before reaching down Conan’s front and Conan moaned, embarrassingly high pitched in this form, even before Hattori’s callused fingers brushed against his cock.

It was almost painful, but in that too-good-almost-pain edge way that he’d only ever felt once when he was curious about the concept of multiple orgasms and had attempted to keep going after release. That time he’d stopped, that edge wavering too much on the pain side to continue, but this time it wasn’t his hands, so it didn’t stop and slipped decidedly more toward good.

His heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest, or maybe he’d pass out from how fast he was breathing because surely bodies weren’t supposed to get this worked up?

Hattori pressed inside him and ran a thumb along the head of Conan’s cock at just the right pressure to tip, finally, fully, over the edge. He barely slammed a hand over his mouth to hold in the sound he would have made, then his mind was wonderfully blank.

Conan came back to himself feeling like he’d tried to chase Kid a mile over rooftops without any aid from the Professor’s gadgets. Everything had a burning ache of muscles well-used and his mind felt like it was floating. “Ugh,” he managed.

Hattori snorted from somewhere to his right; Conan was too exhausted to look. “Is that a good sound or a bad one?”

“It’s a ‘I don’t think I can move’ one.” He ran a quick mental evaluation of how he felt and, okay, the buzzing edge of frustration was finally finally gone. Thank goodness. “Probably good. I feel like I tried to climb the Tokyo Tower barehanded.”

Hattori snorted again. Conan finally turned his head to find his friend leaning on one elbow beside him, still a bit turned on, like he’d been sitting there a while and hadn’t decided whether or not to finish or forget about it. “It looked pretty intense. Told ya it could feel good though.”

“Mmn.” Conan sat up slowly. Ow. Sore. …Down there sore too. Either Conan had unintentionally got way too into that (he kind of had) or Hattori had been a little too rough for his size (equally possible). He grimaced. It didn’t hurt, just. He was aware of the ache. “I actually came so that’s something.”

“Hell yeah it is,” Hattori said with a grin.

“Don’t be smug at me.”

“You’re really grumpy for a guy that just had the best orgasm of his life.”

“It was overwhelming,” Conan said. “But thanks. Really.”

“No problem.” Hattori kept grinning.

Conan eyed him. “Aren’t you going to finish?”

“I could,” Hattori said with a shrug. “But this was more about you than me.”

“Did me being in this body bother you that much?”

“I mean,” Hattori lifted an eyebrow glancing at Conan’s still naked body. “It’s not a turn on. Ya losing control? That was kinda hot. And the way you said my name.” Conan had said his name? He blushed. “You watching was pretty hot too. It kinda broke even on ‘wow, hot’ and ‘eh, kinda creepy’ factors.”

“Great,” Conan said sarcastically. “Just what you want to hear after a mind blowing orgasm.”

Hattori laughed.

“I could. You know…” Conan offered with a sideways glance.

“No offense, but I think getting a hand job from ya would probably fall on the creepy end of the spectrum. Hands’re too small.”

Conan huffed. He hated feeling like he wasn’t being fair and reciprocal.

“But if it’s not too weird, look me in the eyes until I come and that’d be hot.” Hattori blushed a bit, ruffling the back of his hair. “It’s, uh, it’s just that yer eyes show you and not yer body and. Wow I’m putting my foot in my mouth.”

Conan smiled slowly. “I can do that. How do you want to��?”

“However yer comfortable,” Hattori said a bit too quickly.

Conan levered himself closer catching Hattori’s face between his hands. “This good?”

“Yeah,” Hattori said looking a bit stunned. “Yeah that’s fine.”

On a whim, Conan kissed him and felt the way Hattori shivered full bodied from it. There was the slick sound of his hand moving, but Conan didn’t look away as Hattori’s eyelids fluttered or how his expression subtly changed with pleasure.

“Kudo,” Hattori moaned under his breath.

Conan ran a hand against his jaw and back toward the edge of his hairline. “I’ve got you.”

Hattori groaned, probably louder than he intended, and went rigid against Conan’s side. His eyes fluttered shut, then back open a minute later as a deep blush spread across his face. “Shit.”

Conan smirked. “That good?”

“Shut up, Kudo,” Hattori said, pressing his face into Conan’s knees.

It was pretty flattering how fast he came, Conan reflected. Although he had a feeling Hattori didn’t want him to think too much about how the intimacy contributed to that.

“Ugh, we need to go take a bath now.”

“Won’t someone notice us bathing in the middle of the day?”

“I’ll just say I was showing you some kendo moves. They’d believe it.” Hattori pulled away and Conan found himself surprised to miss the warmth.

He pushed that thought away though. “Hey, Hattori?”

“Mm?” Hattori fished out clothing to wear to and from the bath, cleaning himself off a bit with his discarded shirt from earlier.

“Thanks.”

Hattori sent a grin over his shoulder and a wink. “Anytime, Kudo.”

o*O*o

“So,” Conan said to Ai, not really wanting to broach the topic but as usual knowing he should. “It turns out I can function. Sexually speaking?”

“Oh?” Ai didn’t even turn away from her spreadsheet to look at him. Talking about sex was just something they did now, Conan thought with wry humor.

“Yeah. It just takes a lot of stimuli to reach that.”

“I’ll make note of that,” she said. “There still might be a few issues about your brain properly receiving signals.” She turned toward him with a smirk on her face that had him wanting to duck under the nearest table. “Should I congratulate you on finally reaching orgasm?”

Conan went scarlet. “Haibara!”

She laughed. “No need to be shy, it’s not like we haven’t talked about worse things. Can I ask what finally worked?”

“NO,” Conan said. He turned to leave because nope, no, not having this talk.

“Oh, that kinky?”

“I hate you.”

“You don’t.” Ai’s voice followed him out the door. “Oh, and Kudo? If anything else crops up, tell me. Anything at all.”

“Understood!”

He was avoiding her for a while. He really was. But at least he’d gotten something out of all this awkwardness. Hattori was a good friend. Who maybe was slightly more than a friend? There was time to figure out exactly where they all stood with that. Later. And, well, if Conan kind of wanted to see how it would feel in his teenage body someday…

He had a feeling Hattori would take him up on that.

#detective conan #conan/heiji #fanfiction #lemon #i can't believe i'm using that tag in this day and age #but hey #my writing

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