#Wow I can't believe someone sent this to me LOL

[screamo-yaoi]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who liked or reblogged something from you! Get to know your mutuals and followers ❤️

OMG stop. This is so cute ok.

My comfort shows (Supernatural, Teen Wolf, Fairytail etc.)

Fresh snow after it falls (the silence is the best part or hearing the snow falling ahhhh)

Driving with my windows down, warm night with music playing

Traveling to new places

Spending time with family and friends (Basic I know but my brother and best friend live so far away from me)

[dewdr0pz]

Wilbur talking about YN at a concert and YN just happened to be streaming and chat told her. Then once wilbur gets back from tour (theyre roommates) YN mentions it and wilbur gets all flustered 🤭

💬 Everybody Talks Too Much 💬

Summary: Wilbur was talking about Y/N at a concert and Y/N happened to be streaming & her chat told her. Then, once Wilbur gets back from the tour, Y/N mentions it & Wilbur gets flustered AF

A/N: guys go follow @joviepog, they're basically one of the reasons you guys get fanfics. Also, this title was based off of a song called Everybody Talks :p

pairing: CC!Wilbur x afab!musician!reader

pronouns used for reader: She/her/hers

tags: @vibestillaxxx @joviepog @ax-y10 @themonsterunderurmom @wilburstan @smolsleepykitten @funnyreally2009 @crows-death @thewheelersgaygaragelights @dykepunz @aresriiots @0miamor0 @cathers-world @defonotval @chipch0p @mazzistar16 @unmellowyellowfellow @justalittlebitofchaos @thosecolorfulsheets @vopix @taylors-version-from-the-vault @aine-lasagna @merianakross @veeislost @urfav-sapphic-siren (pls let me know if you do/don't want to be tagged!)

warnings/cw: reader & Wilbur getting flustered, swearing, mentions of whimpering audios

proofread?: *aggressively shakes head*

genre: fluff

word count: 455

"Do we have to steal Wilbur's YLYL rules again, chat?" You said to your chat with a laugh. "It seems like Wilbur's the only one who can tame you feral fuckers." You were doing a YLYL stream & your fans thought it would be a funny idea to try & send whimpering audios through MediaShare. You were not amused. Just then, a different video had been sent in. You were very prepared to pause the video or have the mods remove it, but you then saw your roommate Wilbur in the video.

"What's this?" You asked with a raised brow. You read the caption of the video, which read, "Wilbur was talking about Y/N during one of his concerts!!!!" You felt your face get hot.

In the video, Wilbur had just finished a song & he said to the crowd, "Guys, I forgot to mention, but shoutout to my roommate Y/N, because they stuck around even though I forget to pay rent half of the time & I bother her with my dumbass rambling! So, yeah, respect for my pretty hot roommate!" He said it so easily as if it were nothing. As if he didn't just call you hot.

"...interesting," you mumbled. The chat was blowing up with 'lol' messages & comments about how red your cheeks were. You didn't really care because you heard a knock at your bedroom door. You were home alone.

"Uh...come in?" you said to the knocking at the door. Wilbur then opened the door. "Wilbur?! You're back from tour?"

"Yeah," he smiled. He became Beardbur again during the tour & he looked very tired. "Sorry, I didn't tell you. I wanted to surprise you."

"Nah, it's fine," you said. "I was too busy to pick you up anyway."

"Wow," Wilbur said sarcastically, placing a hand over his heart & scoffing. "I can't believe that you would prioritize your streams over me!"

"Oh, piss off," you laughed.

"What're you doing?" Wilbur asked, looking at the webcam. He looked at the video & raised a brow.

"We're doing a YLYL stream," you said. "& my chat sent a video of you talking about me during a concert."

His usually pale face went ten shades pinker. "Th-that must've been edited or something-"

"Wilbur, it's fine, I know you're madly in love with me," you said jokingly. He laughed awkwardly.

"Oh well, I'll leave you to your weird chat," Wilbur said as he quickly got up & left the room. You waved goodbye & saw that someone had subscribed & left a message along with the sub.

"WILBUR LIKES YOU! HE SAID SO DURING THE SHOW! I JUST DIDN'T SHOW YOU THAT PART!" The message said.

"...what?" You said softly.

[valenschmidt]

Thanks for answering my ask! Yes, that's very true, Ryan has been consistently hated/viewed with suspicion and skepticism for years, so the majority of buddie fandom (who are Oliver stans) wouldn't want to ship him with Oliver. I distinctly remember one particular post (in Ryan's tag) a year or two ago that was like, "ugh if buddie goes canon i feel sorry for oliver having to kiss that man" 🙄

Lol yes I guess we have to thank bt shippers and their OTT vitriol for turning the tide somewhat. It's been nice to see a recent influx of vocal Eddie/Ryan fans join the fandom. So refreshing and entertaining.

Yes also I remember the super cute bts vids that popped up during/toward the end of s6, and some people tagging positively about Ryan (albeit begrudgingly!). But definitely a lot more people were on edge about rpf compared to now.

Ooooh so about Oliver being single, that's what I thought too! But someone else I sent an ask(?) to a while ago said that he didn't actually say anything concrete in his insta live, and that he is still with his gf 🤔 does anyone have any further confirmation either way? I'd love to know!

"this happens quite a lot when ships are about to go canon. People start projecting the ship onto the actors, especially when chemistry is REALLY huge " - this is a really interesting phenomenon you've pointed out!

No provblem anon! I love receiving asks!!

YES!!! I completely understand why people were really mad back then, especially black people and I also understand if there are still black people who haven't quite forgiven him and it's totally valid, because what he did was not ok (even if he never said that word he was still trying to justify his then wife's actions and that should have been a big no no) the problem is that people let it get a tad too far and spreading things that were NOT true to new fans in the recent years out of anger, making him seen like a terrible person who is a racist and hates black people when that is not true... Aisha and Angela were really mad back then but they both clearly have forgiven him (since Angela invited him to his anniversary party and Aisha to his wedding) and he has never done anything remotely similar again so I think he truly changed and has become better so I really believe people have started to see that and the bt being awful to him probably was a changing point to most of the fandom (not all because some still hate him) but well you can't change someone's views on people changing...

Also yes anon! A lot were completely against it calling it awful and whatnot and now are the biggest ryliver shippers (and getting viral over it when less than 6 months ago they would cancel you) and taking everything as ryliver signs but whatever I just hope they don't take things too far

To the Oliver thing... I watched that interview live and I'm 100% sure he said he's single but I can't for the life of me find a clip of the interview (if anyone finds it please send it to me!!!) But I remember that he said he was single and then kind of shaded his ex (lol) so yeah

As for the last thing... yup not many notice but it happens quite a lot. Just like how actors tend to fall in love with eachother (which doesn't happen all the time but it happens) in fandom it also happens that they believe they fall in love. Take heartstopper for example... Kit and Joe plan Nick and Charlie who are very in love but in reality they're just very good friends but people insist on shipping them or the Bridgerton actors that play Colin and Penelope as well... people project the feelings of their characters into their real life personalities because of the chemistry the actors have together. It's hard to comprehend the idea of acting so close to someone and play lovers and have so much chemistry but not falling in love

Wow now that was quite a lot 🤣

Sorry anon I got carried away

[arc852]

29. Sweet Tooth

Definition: a great liking for sweet-tasting foods.

Summary: Joel and Jimmy arrive at Joel's home and Jimmy tries something sweet for the first time.

G/t: Joel is normal-sized, Jimmy is a borrower

Word Count: 2027

AO3 Link

Another installment in the BBBCAU! This pretty much takes place right after Coveted. You might need to read that one or you'll be a bit confused!

Also, I can't believe GtJuly2024 is almost over! But we've got two more stories left! And I'm definietly not going to stop writing after this. There just might be a bit more time between posts after this month lol.

I hope you guys enjoy!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Joel entered his room after his reunion with his family. He’d normally spend more time talking to them and visiting first thing but he kind of rushed it, knowing Jimmy was in his pocket. He knew the poor borrower wanted out as soon as possible, the chest pocket not being nearly as comfortable as a hoodie pocket, according to Jimmy. So he hurried along the hellos to his family so he could rush to his room.

 He closed the door behind him, finally having some privacy. Despite his best efforts to rush, his family still managed to keep him downstairs for an hour. Jimmy was probably suffocating in his pocket by now. The thought made Joel more nervous and he lifted up the lip of his chest pocket. “Hey, everything alright in there?”

 Jimmy looked up at him from the pocket, looking more or less okay, if a little ruffled. He sent Joel a thumbs up. “All good but ready to come out now if possible.” Jimmy said with a chuckle and Joel snorted in turn. He then reached in carefully, using only two fingers to snag onto Jimmy’s body and pull him out. As soon as he was out of the pocket, Joel moved his other hand and released his pinched grip on Jimmy, letting him sit on his open palm.

 “Well, welcome to my room.” Joel said a bit half-heartedly. He’d be more excited but he did just drive 3 hours. “This is where I’ve spent the last 18 years of my life before going away to University.” 

 For Jimmy’s part, he did look excited. “Wow! It looks like the dorm but…more you!” Jimmy exclaimed, looking up at Joel with a grin.

 Joel snorted. “What does that even mean?” Joel walked farther into his room, setting his suitcase down at the foot of his bed and sitting on top of the bed, reaching over with his free hand to turn on his bedside lamp.

 “I don’t know, I can just tell this is your room, is all.” Jimmy tried to explain himself, face heating up a bit.

 “Or maybe you know it’s my room because I told you it is.” Joel quipped back and laughed as Jimmy got heated.

 “That’s not what I meant and you know it!” Jimmy yelled over Joel’s laughter.

 Suddenly, there was a brief knock on Joel’s door before it began to open. In a panic, Joel clasped his hands together with Jimmy in the middle to hide him and then placed his hands in his lap to look a bit more normal. His mom peeked in, looking at the odd way Joel was sitting with a confused face but thankfully she didn’t say anything.

 “Just wanted to let you know dinner is ready. Wash your hands and come down to eat.” She said and Joel nodded, watching and waiting until the door was fully closed and he heard her footsteps walking away. He let out a sigh of relief and opened his hands up.

 He winced as he saw Jimmy looked a bit knocked around. “Sorry Jim, I wasn’t expecting her to suddenly come in here like that.” He supposed dorm life made him used to people not suddenly walking in. “Are you okay?” He raised his hand, trying to make sure he didn’t hurt him with the sudden movement.

 “Yeah, I’m okay. Just startled me is all.” Jimmy said with a smile. “I’d rather be a bit ruffled than have someone else see me though. So thanks.”

 Joel nodded seriously. “Of course. Both me and Grian know how important it is to keep you hidden from everyone else.” He didn’t want to think about someone with ill intentions getting their hands on Jimmy. The very thought made his blood boil. He shook his head. “Anyway, if I don’t start heading down, mom will come up here again.” He set Jimmy down on his nightstand and stood up.

 “I’ll bring you up some dinner afterwards but it might be a bit. Are you gonna be okay here by yourself?” Joel asked, a little nervous leaving Jimmy alone. Sure, they left him alone all the time back at the dorm but Jimmy knew that place like the back of his hand. This was all new for the borrower.

 Jimmy waved away his worries. “I’ll be fine! I’ll just explore a bit, I’ve got plenty to see after all.” he wouldn’t be bored, that was for sure.

 Joel nodded. “Okay, just be careful.” He headed toward the door, glanced at Jimmy one more time before quickly opening and closing the door behind him.

 Jimmy listened to Joel’s footsteps fade away as he realized he was now alone for the first time in, well, a while. It was kind of nice if he was being honest. He loved Grian and Joel but even now it could still feel overwhelming being around them at times. Being alone for these little bits gave him some time to reset.

 Besides, right now, he was also excited to explore Joel’s room. It had been such a long time since he had explored a new space. Back at the college, a lot of dorm rooms were exactly the same, save the things inside that people brought with them. But this was completely new and Jimmy could feel his instincts kicking in. He wanted to explore and borrow and he wanted to do it now.

 Of course, he wouldn’t be doing any actual borrowing. This was Joel’s stuff after all and there wasn’t anything that he actually needed. But acting like he was on the hunt for something settled something in him that he hadn’t realized was still there.

 He started his climb down from the nightstand, ready and eager to explore.

  ***

   Joel balanced a plate in one hand and a glass of water in the other as he tried to open his door without dropping either of them. He thought about sneaking the food away at first, but there was no way he would be able to with all his family’s attention on him. So instead he lied and said he was still hungry. Thankfully it worked and he was ushered upstairs with an extra plate of food, some dessert, and water. It was honestly too much for Jimmy to eat but at least he had some variety in his options.

 He finally managed to open the door, closing it quickly behind him. He then stood there, scared to move when he realized Jimmy said he would be exploring. Which meant the borrower was currently on the ground. And without eyes on him, Joel didn’t want to move a single step. “Jimmy? It’s just me. I brought dinner.”

 His eyes scanned the floor until he saw Jimmy coming out from underneath his bed. He relaxed and made his way over to set the food and drink on his nightstand, being careful of where Jimmy was at. After making his hands free, he crouched down and scooped Jimmy up. Jimmy must have been expecting it because he didn’t so much as make a noise. He just settled into Joel’s palms. Joel smiled a bit at that, almost not wanting to put him down. But he knew Jimmy needed to eat, so he set him down on the nightstand as Joel took a seat on his bed.

 “Whoa! This looks so good!” Jimmy exclaimed, running over to the plate. 

 “Yeah, it tastes good too.” Joel forgot how Jimmy survived solely on take-out and dorm food. Which were fine but it didn’t hold a candle to a nice home-cooked meal. Was this Jimmy’s first time eating something home-cooked? “I think the chicken will be easy enough for you to eat but I’m not sure about the mashed potatoes.” Joel tried to explain.

 “I think it’ll be fine. It’s solid enough.” Jimmy said as he stuck his finger in it and licked it. He grinned at the taste. He then looked at the other thing on the plate, his eyes going wide. “What’s that?” He pointed to it.

 Joel hummed, following his finger. “Oh! My mom made us some dessert. Something special for coming back home. It’s chocolate cake.”

 “Chocolate cake?” Jimmy repeated back. He had never heard of it, at least as far as he could remember.

 Joel blinked. “Oh, I guess the dorms don’t really have desserts or sweets huh?” Not only has Jimmy been deprived of home-cooked meals but of sweets as well? He really needed to figure out a way to get these things to Jimmy more often. It just wasn’t fair.

 “Yeah, some humans bring like, chocolate bars and stuff with them, but those things are coveted. I never even hoped to get my hands on one. It would have been too much of a risk.” Jimmy explained and Joel winced. 

 “Well, you don’t have to worry about that now. Go ahead and eat as much as you want.” Joel said, leaning back on his hands to let Jimmy go at it. Jimmy for his part, nodded and started eating. He started with the actual dinner first, going for some chicken and then grabbing a scoop of mashed potatoes for himself. Joel watched fascinated. He’s seen Jimmy eat multiple times now but it was always so weird. Joel couldn’t help but stare sometimes.

 Jimmy was done with the main course pretty quickly. He couldn’t eat too much of it after all. In fact, to Joel it barely looked like he had made a dent out of it. At least it didn’t cost anything extra for Grian and Joel to keep Jimmy fed. Joel watched, excited, as Jimmy made his way to the chocolate cake.

 Jimmy himself was also excited. This would be his first time trying anything chocolate, let alone cake. He couldn’t wait to see what all the fuss was about. He grabbed himself a handful, making sure to get a bit of everything in it. It was messy though, way messier than even the mashed potatoes had been. Jimmy ignored that though and went in for a bite.

 His eyes widened.

 Joel laughed at Jimmy’s expression. “That good huh?”

 All Jimmy could do was nod as he went in for another bite. And another. And another.

 Joel blinked, laughter dying off and replaced by a bit of awe. “Oh wow, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you eat that much.”

 Jimmy couldn’t help it, it was the best thing he had ever tasted. Was this what he had been missing out on all this time? If that was the case, maybe the risk would have been worth it after all. This was delicious. 

 Joel’s awe was soon replaced by concern. “Ah, okay, yeah, I think I gotta cut you off here.” Joel said as he gently grabbed Jimmy and pulled him away from the cake. 

 “Hey!” Jimmy squirmed in his grip and Joel almost dropped him. He brought his other hand underneath to make sure nothing happened. Jimmy hadn’t squirmed in his grasp in a long time. Not since they had first met. This was different though, of course, as Jimmy very quickly settled down and just huffed at him.

 “Sorry Jimmy but if you keep it up, you’re gonna get a stomach ache.” He looked back over at the cake. Unlike the rest of the food, he could very clearly see that it had been eaten off of. “I’ll keep in mind you’ve got quite the sweet tooth though. I promise that won’t be your last chocolate cake.”

 Jimmy perked up a bit at that. “Alright. I guess I should stop for now.” Jimmy agreed and Joel laughed. He then took a better look at Jimmy and noticed how much of a mess he was. His laughter turned into playful disgust.

 “And you’re a mess. Guess it’s time for a visit to the sink.” Joel said with a shrug, grinning as Jimmy yelled. 

“No! Not the sink!”

 Joel laughed as he headed toward the bathroom in order to prepare the sink so Jimmy could clean himself up.

 The rest of this break was looking like it was going to be a lot of fun.

[bitemegamer]

Log 01: A Note and Meeting Qiu and Tamarack (Long Post)

Something about this intro... It makes my heart ache in the best way possible. It's the start, the start to a new section of a new life. It is the Fall, the air is cooling down and I can feel it hitting my nose.

*Forgive me, I shall be using MC thoughts as that of my own and basing things off of how I would react, I shall be using first person writing

I decided, since my MC is 10 and I was a little bit of a nut at this time, I would have him believe that it was a ghost that poked him instead of him being rational about it.

He gets greeted with this paper, and... Honestly, how WOULD your little kid thoughts (esp that of someone who did believe in ghosts) think this meant?

*I blurred the last name for my own reasons, thank you very much*

I really, truly wished to be Nancy Drew or one of the Hardy Boys. I spend so much time watching mysteries with my mom. Probably way too much time.

Too bad I am going to break those rules, Mother! Muahahaha! I am a little troublemaker. Just kidding. However, it's okay. I have a way to bend the rules... Just a little bit ;)

*Proceeds to go to the woods, which to me feels like straying even further??? tbh, knowing myself as a kid, I would have done this without thinking too deeply*

Oh where shall I be going? On a cool quest! Off I go to the amazing and great unknown!

WHAT??? Man... :( I know for a fact I would have been so upset, yet a little relieved. Had I gone further into the forest, I might have freaked out just a little bit.

The ghost inhabits this building.

Also, random thought/feeling/vibe that I am feeling... This reminds me so much of when I was a little kid doing my own thing, just wandering about and feeling like the whole world was amazing and whimsical. As a kid, I would always go out of my way to have some sort of fun and adventure... Even if that meant getting lost or making something out of nothing.

A RACCOON!

If I end up dying, let it be known that I met the end of my life with the coolest animal ever.

I'm sure said kid feels very different about a total stranger being in their backyard climbing up their fort.

lol, he thinks I'm quirky...

I mean... You were the one who sent the note... Right? Right? Oh God, never mind--

Don't look at me like that *SOB SOB* I'm trembling over here as if I am some sort of scared little grey hound!

Nice to meet you as well, Qiu!

*Snorts*

OCD Autism meeting and seeing someone with ADHD for the first time be like (joking):

I decided to be a little more nicer to him and politely just point it out to him:

This honestly does beg the question for me... How often has Qiu lost something simply from people just not telling him that he dropped his pages.

That's it, Bud. You. Me. We're going to be in it together. You're never going to lose something like that again while I'm around you.

He'll listen to me, but he will have no idea what I am talking about. At least he tries.

Making art out of trash... I see.

Yeah... Maybe my joke about ADHD might not be as much of a joke as I thought it was.. Hm...

Oh... OH... She's so cute, she makes me wanna cry..

Tamarack really went: 'Wow, okay, *bye*.

Well... Since I have exceeded my image limit for this post, I do believe that I can have this a closing moment... As of now, my MC has met both of the wonderful romantic/friend interests and I think they're both so wonderful!

I know that I am currently playing the Demo at the moment, but goodness this is so cute. This reminds me so much of my days after school and spending time with my friends around this time period.

I can't wait to finish this intro out and write more about my silly little thoughts... Until then, I hope you guys have enjoyed my little comments. I love doing that when I play games.

[clangenrising]

Hey! I sent an ask a while all the way back in February under anon praising your work, and I had been trying to follow along ever since but kept falling behind so I've just been reading a bunch of your pieces in a row in few-day bursts until I'm caught up to present lol. Anyway just now was the most recent burst I had finished, and I just gotta say. Yeah wow. Capital W Wow and the W stands for Winning. The way you're so committed to portraying real, almost tangible nuance in all your characters. How they all have deep reasons why they act the way they do but they start to be confronted and conflicted about the flaws in their views, the journeys they have to take to either change that or figure out if they even want to.

Namely with Ghost in the recent piece. Ever since I was introduced to him I knew there was more to him than just his blind following of his flawed society, that there has always been room for him to question his actions from the very start of the story and it may have always been there in him as a little inkling of an idea. But Fogpaw's confrontation was the moment that had really solidified it for him, driving it home even further since Smokyrose's death which also had to have taken a toll on his ability to trust his own thoughts (Been a while since I've read those pieces though so memory is fuzzy and I'm guessing there). He's someone who strikes me as someone who's always subconsciously suspected he's flawed, but never let it be an actual consideration until those actions he let himself carry out started having terrible consequences. And now he has to look back and face everything he's ever done, knowing full well he may never be forgiven by anybody he's wronged, but he still has the want to change for himself and I find that so inspiring. Having to face all those mistakes, learning just how much of your life you spent treating people unfairly... being confronted with all of that at once AND trying his best to make up for it all WHILE dealing with a new disability and terrible ear pain... it's no wonder he's deathly tired lol.

But the other character I want to highlight is the one who's been here and significant from the beginning - Scorch! A lot of people have talked a lot about her already but I'm in my own analysis flow state and I wanna ramble about how good of a character she is too. The walls and defenses she had to put up to protect herself, the lies she had to stick to to make other people believe things she didn't just to make sure she wouldn't die in the city... Razor's power over her and how nothing she did could convince him to truly loosen his grip on her during her time in the city, or even after she escaped and found RisingClan... The masks she has to plaster on herself and cycle through, and how the people who know her can just see right through them anyway... She's a person with immense trauma and like a solid two-thirds of her entire personality is a complex trauma response, but it served her well and protected her and so she keeps it up, and she even teaches a little of it and the affected worldview it gave her to her apprentice Fogpaw who is more confused than anything else haha. That's a very interesting dynamic too, someone who is thoroughly convinced every interaction is some kind of transaction where the other person always wants something in particular from you, and the other person who can't even fathom why or how interaction would work like that at all. Fogpaw is her perfect foil, someone who challenges her views and all the walls she's had to keep up more bluntly, and it's a very beneficial mentor-apprentice pairing that pushes them both to be better and that's a very amazing and interesting thing to see. How the student has things to teach their teacher in return.

It's just. The way I can read these character's thoughts and FULLY understand why they think in the ways they do and how those ways of thinking make sense to them... It's like I am quite literally transported into their mind in full and that is NOT an easy thing to do in writing at all. Most of the time you're just kind of a spectator, looking into a character's thoughts just to know why they do certain actions. But to understand the thoughts themselves, to see the full picture and possibly even a bit beyond it, to know the characters inside and out and see their worldviews and be like "Oh yeah, I see exactly how they came to those conclusions!" AND have those views be riddled with flaws in a way that makes everything feel SO realistic and tangible... That's like. Not just anyone can do that. Your hard work in developing these silly complex kitties has paid off in full, Rowan. Be proud of yourself, I simply demand it. lmao

AAA Thank you! this ask makes me so happy, I really appreciate you taking the time to say this all, it means a lot to me. 50 RisingBucks to you haha

[tiddiesoutwhenthetisout]

tons of TW on here bc i'm just yapping casually, so let me tell u that making a therapist cry was not on my bucket list for 2025 but,

being sent to therapy as a child is way different from being sent-ish as an adult when ur more confident you're not imagining things/basically more aware.

dr. basically asked me: how are you still alive?

🤣 iunno doc, the power of love? /hj

starting from the top:

it was pretty funny. she made me write basic info n the classic symptoms tickboxes, history, etc. sat down. she was just Looking Respectfully at the beginning and then opening the talk upon completion of the forms with "You're so pretty" with a transfixed smile and gyattdamn, (learned this from my roomie) i appreciate that coming from an older woman.

i mean she's prolly in her 30s or 40s but yes. it doesn't feel gross 🕺 she paused and stared sometimes just to say that again, alongside making comments about my speaking voice n shit. it felt like an aunt i never had or something 😭

bc all my aunts i was in contact with were fucked up 🤘

or iunno it just felt so freeing because wow, a compliment on my appearance from someone who isn't my gf, without weird/volatile feelings/intentions? whoaaa. perceived (reasonably) or otherwise. ig it just felt safe in that office. i care about this because a lot of my encounters with others is them being impressed by a skill, a talent, or looks, esp looks bc you can just stand there and that's what people see-- and wanting to use that or exploit that or define me by that and put me on a pedestal instead of acknowledging the person it's attached to, yk? i can't explain very well.

but it's like you are a concept built on the things you can do, and when it comes to the human you are, no one listens.

"imagine what you would be without all the trauma."

yes, doc. it hurts to imagine so i don't do it, generally 🤣

and anyway the header-- yes, on this initial overall assessment, a little back and forth, ms. dr.'s eyes were just turning red a lot, dabbing at em, nose clogging up, help--

"you're doing your best but ur fucked up" yes. and i also have a long line of fucked uppedness in my family. did you know a new study said something about your genetics retaining trauma info from ur ancestors? good ｂｙｅ

as well as "i didn't even get u formally assessed but you're kinda fucked up bro" (not verbatim obviously)

well. she made me tear up by going "we become different people when we feel that we are understood and loved" when she brought up my gf (who we initially sent there after a relative's suicide last month), who referred me, who apparently told the doc we were together. i didn't expect that because she's very private especially about us, so *hair tuck behind ear* (lol). so it's only fair--

because sometimes people say the love me but only the version of me they hope for, constructed in their heads, the name, refusing accountability...

anyway

funny that when we were talking about my gf in passing, she showed up outside the clinic. doc went: well there she is!

me: WHAT

doc: u didn't know she's coming?

me: NO

doc: : ))))

oh yeah she's not homophobic too which is WONDERFUL and like it felt like she supports it too instead of just tolerating it.

doc also went on about how much potential she could see from the first impression n shit. it's like... yk how i hear this a lot from other people but it never feels genuine? and how this is somewhat special because that professional also told me "you're already impressive, and i can see you're doing your best, BUT things are hindering you."

in contrast to others', "you're awesome but you're not trying hard enough."

it didn't feel as shallow as all these positive words from other people. because i somehow want to tell them "i can be better; this is not it" but they won't believe me. just going "you're just being humble; look at ME."

ykwim?

like, stop comparing yourself to me to make me feel better. that's not it. that's not going to make me feel better; i just want you to believe i can be greater without everything that's keeping me tied down.

instead of saying, "why can't you aim for that Thing You're Totally Capable Of?" that all these years i've just learned to disregard with "i'm lazy." for a lack of better words.

she kept looking at my symptoms and saying: WOW the way you're still here is literally impressive.

puts down her pen, looks again, goes: SEE? look at all of that. without question, we'll put you on academic leave and get you these things *starts scribbling*

iunno it's such a RELIEF that i feel like sharing it. not that i don't just Yap incessantly, but yes 🤣 it's like... i've known that. i'm not just a piece of shit, a failure "despite my privileges", a "person who's not trying their best", a "spoiled brat" that everyone among my relatives think i am. because my parents still keep this... front about our family being in harmony and that Nothing Is Wrong when they practically could've just killed each other. and me LOL.

like jesus fuck; you break generational trauma by actually doing it. not presenting it as broken.

doc soon gonna hear about how they both wanted a son. heh. 😭

guess what i spent 4 yrs of my life crossdressing and i also like girls. you get half a son. i mean tbh i still sometimes act like one accdng to their standards. but i never really, before i was aware of these, and before i got sick of the SH, 🍇ey situations, etc... and even as a "guy" it happened 🕺🕺🕺 it was a fun phase and a thing i still do from time to time though so heh it's not a "what was it all for" situation. just a "wow that felt like a past life."

boutta go to the bathroom so yes well, this went well despite me knowing what i got. it was like... "see. the professional says so. and she INSISTS on getting all the treatment." might come back to the comments to randomly slip in shit.

my gf came to pick me up actl, and going out my therapist went "(name)'s right there, she's waiting for you. yk her. she loves you a lot." not sure how to translate that. in the used language, she meant something like "loves you in all forms, to the root of your soul". nuance hard hard

we used to joke about "picking u up from therapy", didn't expect that too happen at this age lmaooo, for both of us rlly. also yeah um i've avoided going because medical trust issues n shit as well as thinking "I'm self-aware, I can do this" but yk what things just Work Differently. heck wait gtg meet a friend

conclusion funny ahh therapy session. doc even used up her lunch break for me :''')

[goose-duck]

Mandela catalog texting 🍜

~~~~~~

✨Jonah and Adam✨

~~~~~~

💜Adam: u dyed ur hair again?

💙Jonah: yes

💜Adam: looks ugly

💙Jonah: ur face

💜Adam: what.

💙Jonah: is surprisingly pretty

💜Adam: why'd you compliment me, I just insulted you, are you stupid?

💙Jonah: keep going, I'm enjoying this

💜Adam: freak

~~~~~~

💜Adam: wanna ask if we can go to the library?

💙Jonah: u can ask, u gotta bring ur paper up anyway

💜Adam: Nah

💜Adam: just stay here

💜Adam: what's wrong

💜Adam: did you want something from the service trade people

💜Adam: I have money

💜Adam: I kinda owe you anyway

~~~~~~

💙Jonah: I'm sorry 😭

💙Jonah: I hate to leave man

💙Jonah: *picture didn't send*

💙Jonah: what a bitch

💜Adam: I can't see the picture you sent me

💜Adam: I learned a new spell in DND and fucked shit up

💙Jonah: oh sorry

💙Jonah: that's cool :)

💜Adam: It was fun, I accidentally almost killed Evelin and the guy that sits beside Evelin bc I didn't know how big the attack was and blew up a room

💙Jonah: Jesus

~~~~~~

💙Jonah: hi

💜Adam: hello

💙Jonah: hiiiiiii

💙Jonah: So what all did we have to do in English

💜Adam: Read the thingy online then pick a few questions and answer them, write a paragraph for each question you picked and you need at least 300 words

💙Jonah: oh okay

💜Adam: Should be called "my father tried to kill me with a crocodile" or alligator, I don't know my reptiles

💙Jonah: ok

💙Jonah: I got it

~~~~~~

✨Evelin and Sarah✨

~~~~~~

🌷Evelin: I broke up with him, but we agreed to still be friends bc he does great as a friend just not as a boyfriend

🌺Sarah: Fr?

🌺Sarah: like, you actually ended it?

🌷Evelin: Yeah, let me quote myself, "I wanna be ur friend, not ur girlfriend"

🌷Evelin: And he was like "okay, I think that'll be a bit awkward, but we can do that"

🌺Sarah: u guys might get back together tho

🌺Sarah: i think just a break

🌷Evelin: Nevermind, he doesn't even wanna be friends

🌺Sarah: talking stage

🌺Sarah: type of thing

🌺Sarah: well

🌺Sarah: you still have me and Dave

🌷Evelin: He told me not to talk to him and I told him I'll give him his sweater on Monday and I won't talk to him anymore

🌷Evelin: drama queen much

🌷Evelin: is that mean?

🌺Sarah: wtf

🌷Evelin: maybe

🌺Sarah: nah

🌷Evelin: he can just sit with other Adam

🌷Evelin: they're friends

🌺Sarah: yeah

🌺Sarah: or with Jonah

🌺Sarah: I like my answer better

🌷Evelin: he'd die if he had to sit with Jonah

🌷Evelin: it'd be kinda funny

🌺Sarah: exactly

🌷Evelin: I can't believe he said "don't talk to me" as if he listens to me when I talk to him anyway lol

🌺Sarah: Bro 💀

🌷Evelin: And now he's begging me for a second chance 😭

🌺Sarah: wow

🌺Sarah: that would be more awkward

🌷Evelin: he's just very interesting

🌺Sarah: ur gonna get back with him

🌺Sarah: just give it a week

🌷Evelin: no we are not

🌺Sarah: ok

🌷Evelin: with the way he's being rn I'd rather just not talk to him

🌺Sarah: yeah

🌺Sarah: me too

🌷Evelin: My mother's like "aw why, he wanted to have a job that made a lot of money" and it was funny

🌺Sarah: wow

🌺Sarah: lol

��Evelin: I swear she only likes the ppl I'm with if they have money or plan to do something that will make a lot of money 😭

🌷Evelin: She's shallow, she married dad bc he was making a bunch of money at the time lol

🌺Sarah: honestly I don't blame her

🌺Sarah: I would too

🌷Evelin: I agree with her, but, like, damn

🌺Sarah: easy way of living life

🌷Evelin: true

🌷Evelin: He's still going so I was like "but being friends is :("And he was like "and dating me wasn't fun"And I was like "no"

🌺Sarah: damn

🌺Sarah: bold

🌺Sarah: ur right tho

🌺Sarah: He never acted like a boyfriend in front of others therefore that's why Jonah thought me and you were dating

🌺Sarah: little does he know I'm dating someone else

🌷Evelin: ahahahha

🌺Sarah: you should tell him that

🌷Evelin: he just doesn't boyfriend the way you do

~~~~~~

✨Jonah and Adam ✨

~~~~~~

💙Jonah: my mother is arguing with me abt school

💙Jonah: so mean

💜Adam: why

💙Jonah: bc she's mean

💙Jonah: I dunno

💙Jonah: I think she just wants to argue

💙Jonah: such are mothers

💜Adam: makes sense

~~~~~~

💙Jonah: you been talking to Eve?

💜Adam: yeah

💙Jonah: what happened?

💜Adam: I still don't know what she's got going on

💜Adam: kinda just ignoring her rn

💙Jonah: ohh ok

~~~~~~

✨Ruth and Thatcher✨

~~~~~~

🤍Thatcher: I'm thinking abt dying my hair fr, so, I'm taking suggestions for what colour/colours

🤍Thatcher: Like, I'm gonna probably do it later tonight or tmr

🌻Ruth: dark blue

🤍Thatcher: okay :]

🌻Ruth: half blue half black

🌻Ruth: or purple and black

🌻Ruth: blue and purple

🌻Ruth: something with blue or purple

🤍Thatcher: those are Dave's favorite colours :0

🤍Thatcher: haha

🌻Ruth: actually? Never knew that

🤍Thatcher: I have blue, I'd just have to buy purple

~~~~~~

✨Mark and Cesar✨

~~~~~~

🍓Mark: *picture of their mark on their final project (team project)*

🍄Cesar: woohoo

🍄Cesar: 95%

🍓Mark: yeah

🍄Cesar: we're awesome

🍓Mark: I thought the interview was alright though, probably my fault

🍓Mark: you are

🍓Mark: I sucked ass

🍄Cesar: U were fine, but u could tell u weren't completely sure what u were talking about sometimes

🍓Mark: Exactly

🍄Cesar: <3

🍓Mark: you probably still would have maybe not me

🍓Mark: but I'm proud of you

🍓Mark: I wasn't sure abt anything I'm gonna be honest

🍄Cesar: Well, it was more fun bc we worked together, it wouldn't have been the same without u :]

🍓Mark: thank u

🍓Mark: I feel special for once

🍄Cesar: No need to thank me, it's just how I feel :>U pretty much motivated me to get shit done with it hence why I'd get so pissy when things weren't getting done, bc I don't care for my own grades but knowing ur grade could have been bad bc of me it made me actually want to work on it

🍄Cesar: Also, give urself some credit, u did ask Mrs. Buckle the questions, I probably wouldn't have bothered

🍓Mark: I have an 83 in that class, I wasn't worrying much about it, just wanted to get a decent mark out of it. I care about your marks because you're my friend and I wanna graduate all together

🍓Mark: I have patience with you, I don't with most people. Sometimes I lose it but at times I can't take it yk

🍓Mark: I could've worked on it sooner instead of last minute though

🍓Mark: But thank you for doing it for me, you did it for yourself.

🍄Cesar: <3

🍓Mark: love youuu

🍄Cesar: love u toooo

~~~~~~

✨Adam and Sarah✨

~~~~~~

💜Adam: fuck you

🌺Sarah: I though u were being the bigger person and ending the conversation

~~~~~~

💜Adam: I can do the showcase tomorrow btw, unless you're still mad and don't want me there. Then ig you can do it

🌺Sarah: I'm not doing it alone, u better be there

🌺Sarah: My throat hurts to much to speak so if u can be there that'd be great

💜Adam: I'll be there. Are you and eve still mad

🌺Sarah: If ur over it we're over it

💜Adam: I'm over it, I should apologize to Evelin. Im sorry for Thursday with the Jonah thing and for the dance. I just needed Eve at the time and I'm sorry

🌺Sarah: whatever you say.

~~~~~~

✨Adam and Jonah ✨

~~~~~~

💜Adam: hey

💜Adam: you there

💙Jonah: hi

💙Jonah: bus

💙Jonah: on it

💙Jonah: soon

💙Jonah: getting on it

💜Adam: ok

💜Adam: I have a lock with a

💜Adam: key

💙Jonah: okay.

~~~~~~

[weebsinstash]

Wow the "conclusion" to this is wild. Lmao @ her saying that she'll look at your blog in the future to feel better about herself. Hobbyless behavior. Sorry you got all of that shit for months, it's just so fucking bizarre. I really love your writing and your blog and I hope despite all of that shit that you're having a good day 💕

I'm just like. Kind of sitting here wondering what the point even was.

Like literally at the core of this argument was i posted about a family event and a complete stranger got so extremely upset that they. Literally started a fight on anon, and then after I told them to get fucked, then proceeded to pretend to be an underage rape survivor and said I made them attempt suicide, and then messaged TONS of people saying "weebsinstash is a rape apologist who bullied cjfjfj" and it was literally all a fucking lie. They want to say they bullied me for entertainment but what was rhe point of like. Harassing dozens of other people who weren't even involved. That's obviously not when anything to do with me. That's acting like a freak because you think it's Cute And Quirky

Like. I cannot emphasize enough that the hypothetical child who harmed themselves was the literal only single aspect of this entire thing that could even mildly make me feel bad and this actually stupid fucking cunt gave themselves up, "oh by the way that person was never real" like, damn if you were an actual good troll you never would've revealed that, so you can't even be a little basement dweller correctly

Imagine being like "yeah you know the literal only thing about this that might actually cause you some sort of guilt and was the crux of my whole crusade against you lol yeah it was just a lie and the friends who apologized on my behalf were also me and the people who were nice to you were also me" like wow you were OBSESSED OBSESSED

But there's also so many more layers to that? They made blogs and maintained them to talk to me pretending to be people who were also harassed. They literally gave me emotional support as a "gotcha"? Like how is that a gag. Do you not realize repeatedly popping out of the woodwork saying "hey every mean thing that was said to you over xyz amount of months was me all along" has literally just trained me to automatically blame you for any bad feedback and thus you have granted me the ability to be insulted and not care. Like literally any time I get an ask about anything and it's rude I just assume it's this one single person now. And I don't get hate mail so it was always kind of obvious anyways. But like they literallt actually gave me a gift because I won't really ever believe anything nasty I get ever again :)

But like. The sheer. Actual literal disconnect from reality for this person to fully say with their whole chest, "ha ha yeah I really showed YOU and made YOU look stupid, the way I pretended to be a child, lied about rape, publicly harassed complete strangers, tried to doxx you, made a fake dating profile for you, uploaded your photos in multiple places, sent you stuff on anon to take credit for it later, and maintained disguises for most of a year, haha wow don't YOU look dumb!"

Bro after like one month of this shit I literally just started thinking, "oh it's that one moron again" and nothing was ever hurtful ever again. You have to realize there's a point where someone has made themselves look so stupid and unlikeable you don't care what they think so it's sort of like. Oh woo hoo you called me ugly and fat, got any new material? Like I don't even have to think "oh gosh I'm so ugly and gross and I feel bad cause they said that" I just think "oh wow potshots at my appearance, yeah that's what I would expect someone of your intelligence to say"

I just. Can I just be blunt and say this wasn't even good trolling. It was annoying but they were so blatantly bad at it literally everyone just looked at the kind of shit they posted and immediately called them unhinged. There wasn't a coherent enough effort here to ever actually do any real damage, not to my personal life or my social reputation. I'm literally coming out of this just as clean as I went in. Like shit you really could have tried to dig in on that "look what she said to this poor widdle baby" angle but you just went full retard sending me literal actual paragraphs saying the most basic of insults. Yeah wow there was really ever a chance people were going to seriously believe you, sure

It's just kinda. Yeah. I know I already said this but I can't get over, my end of this is opening my inbox and deleting shit and nothing more, i may answer stuff and discuss it but nothing is happening to me and im not "doing anything back". Meanwhile they were literally making blogs, maintaining covers, trying to stalk me, stalking my mutuals, found pictures of my family, were sending pictures of my family to other people.... but claim THEY made ME look stupid, that I'M entertaining for THEM. OK. I guess that's the level of genuine delusion you have to operate on to even start this shit to begin with

But uh yeah to finish your point I actually had a great day at work and got a good raise recently so I'm doing OK :) I've been uh, you know, working on drafts and maybe someday one of them will see the light haha. If I ever need a pick me up I can always tell myself, "at least I never did anything as stupid as THIS"

[creetch]

\\HEADS UP 4.2 SPOILERS TO ANYONE WHO HASNT DONE IT

I have to agree with your stance on the AQ. I almost fooled myself into thinking it wasn’t good when the reality was I thought it was amazing but having to see so much grief throughout the quest knocked me out (in a good way). From the first 10 minutes where it was completely reasonable to see Navia break down after staying strong in front of the victims of the sudden flood, and her final bittersweet goodbye to Silver and Melus - wow. I’ve seen people deal with grief and if anything Navia was so damn strong for keeping it together. I’d be bawling for days girl like huh. And if you think about it, with how Fontaine has a strong theme of deception (like everyone is hiding something about themselves), isn’t it refreshing to have Navia who is so incredibly genuine and earnest with her intentions and her want to help everyone? I love her a lot.

Then we were hit with the gradual masking of Furina?

Like - we almost had her open up but then it was revealed we were in the Opera house. This was made worse later on when the traveller saw her inner dialogue during that moment was “surely I’m allowed to put myself first for the first time in 400 years?”. As the human side of Focalor, Furina was absolutely outstanding and selfless. Ohhh my God and the way Furina thinks of her suffering as a kind of “price” or sacrifice to pay for saving Fontaine? Direct contrast to earlier dialogue about how Silver and Melus should not be seen as a mere prices?? FURINA YOU’VE DONE SO MUCH MY LOVE

As much as it pains me that we didn’t get to see her at the end of the AQ to check on her, I guess it makes sense? If you were performing for 400 years and you finally get a chance to crawl away from watchful eyes like you wanted, I think it’s reasonable to just. Want to go away for a bit. But God I really really wish her all the best with finally being allowed to live as herself and not as someone else.

There’s so much to talk about I can’t condense it all. Even small details like a random audience member saying “wait, the death sentence? Isn’t that too harsh? Her only sin was making us!” made my heart clench. Furina begging her people to believe her because she is terrified that they will drown since her facade has been the only thing keeping the flood at bay. AND she will blame herself for not doing enough. Neuvi going “after 500 years, you think I would have the heart to proclaim them as guilty?” Focalor’s goodbye to Furina being “you can now live as a human like I always wished we could.” OUGHHH

Anyway. Wow. I just,,, yeah. I really really liked the quest in all honesty. I needed a good cry and I got it. To each their own opinion, and everyone has a right to not like things in the game. But personally to me this was fantastic.

I'm so glad you sent me this because I'm about to totally lose it about the archon quest in this reply.

Below are further spoilers for the 4.2 archon quest

I totally agree with you on the grief thing, and upon reflection and sleeping on it I think the fact I did this quest all in one continuous sitting over the course of hours added to my previous mixed feelings, just because it was SO MUCH sadness in such a short space of time that it kinda made me associate the quest with feelings of sorrow.

Had I completed the archon quests in parts, having gone away and came back to it later, I feel I'd have handled it better, but I can't stop myself from doing archon quests in one sitting, it's in my DNA to complete them all at once LOL

Navia's bit at the start... Oh it had been about 20 minutes into me playing and I was crying buckets. Full on sobbing.

I play in English and when I tell you her voice actress had RENT DUE because her crying, her voice, everything just broke my heart I literally was like okay great it's not even been half an hour and I'm broken for her, what the fuck.

As soon as I saw Silver and Melus weren't with her I teared up cause I was like they're dead, aren't they? And then I just kept crying anytime they were brought up, and then when they saved her from the primordial sea :(

Navia is a very good character, I love her, she's so authentic and genuine and strong it's made me wanna pull with her purely to spoil her because it's what she deserves.

On to Furina, my heart has ACHED for her since we found out the truth.

I always loved her, and I always thought she did have some sort of plan ever since she reacted with such anger to Arlecchino's insinuation that she was ignoring the prophecy and doing nothing. It was raw real anger from Furina which of course we now understand. It contrasted so harshly with what the game was showing us her acting like, plus Neuvi saying that she is 'taking the prophecy very seriously', that made me go 'we do not know the whole truth', and I was right but FUCK it was in a way I'd never have been able to predict.

WHEN I REALIZED WE HAD TRANSPORTED HER TO THE OPERA HOUSE I STARTED CRYING AGAIN I wanted to wrap her in a blanket and protect her. I totally understand why the trial took place, from the perspective of the other characters there is an impending doomsday that will wipe out the entirety of Fontaine's population, from their perspective it made sense and was justified because they weren't hearing Furina's thoughts and thought crucial information pertaining to the prophecy was being withheld from them, both them and Furina had the shared goal of protecting Fontaine - but that didn't mean that whole section didn't hurt like Hell to complete.

She thought her world was falling apart, after so many years of dedicating herself entirely to this role in order to save her nation she thought it was ALL over and those 146848 scenes (WHICH btw when it changed to THAT number of scenes I was BAWLING, what a hard hitting way to show her continuous suffering in a way that's so impactful) were for nothing.

You know I didn't even realize the Silver and Melus/Furina price thing until you just said it, oh mannnnnnn this fucking archon quest.

It's sore, but you're right - showing her at the end of the quest and us speaking with her would not have made sense. Giving her space after that made the most sense narratively but it definitely also made me feel like we had no sort of closure on her wellbeing (I'm sure her story quest gives us some of that) so that also added to my pain at the end because I was like ... The last time I saw her she was walking through the city as those people yelled 'the prophecy was wrong', and I hope she knows that the prophecy was only 'wrong' BECAUSE of what she did. The prophecy was wrong because of YOU, my love

She deserves a happy and peaceful life doing all the things she loves from now on.

Also, I presume she's mortal now? I'm sure Focalors made the point of saying her existence was what increased Furina's lifespan so like - now she's a whole mortal human being...

There's so many thoughts that have come from this quest.

The Oceanid reveal was so good, like you said that NPC saying her sin was making them, and now believing she'll be sentenced to death for it... Oh god.

The begging, her saying 'believe me I AM your archon' the slow descent into her crying because she believes it's all over when in reality she was FINALLY at the end, the fact she never knew when the end was coming she didn't know this was meant to happen she wasn't aware this was finally the end of her pain

Oh Neuvillette declaring the citizens of Fontaine innocent is one of my favourite moments in the entire game now.

Having had time to process it, I agree, this is one of the best stories in the game and it was told incredibly well and the whole thing was so fucking emotional I felt like I got battered after I finished it.

[theluxuriansecret]

Diary Entry 02092024

Dear Diary,

SO much has happened since the last time I wrote. I hate that I have kinda fallen off from writing but honestly, I only ever want to use my computer at my dsk and I never wanna sit here though LOL. But today I am feeling really good, fresh sheets on my bed, clean room, freshly showered, i feel really good right now. I don't know where to start really so I guess i'll just start with news thats not really news.

One, I'm still unemployed *palm to face*. I'm not going to lie I haven't sent in a job application in like a week because so many of these jobs are not real, they're already filled, I'm getting a bunch of rejections. It's a bit much I'm not gonna lie. I DID have a job interview yesterday because a previous interview that I had, the interviewer liked me so much and was like "yes, you didn't get this job, but I really like you and I think you'd make a great fit in our company somewhere, jus not here" basically. I think it went well, but I'm not going to hold a high flame to it this time. I am applying to these government job that was recommended to me. It's a job I guess. Sometimes I wonder why I'm not super ambitious, but truly it's for someone else. I don't care about all that stuff, not that I'm not a good worker or hard worker; there is simply more to life than work.

OKAY here it is. I am excited about this one. I have a boyfriend. WOAH I know, I can't believe I didn't lead with that, I had to get all the boring shit out of the way first. SO, I have written about this guy before. He was actually a guy I had a crush on around a year ago and ended up sleeping with in October. Turns out sleeping with a guy really doesn't stop him from liking you. Some of them just really don't like you, OUCH! That's alright though. Things are going so well with him and honestly I don't want to jinx it. But this shit is truly something I only thought I could have in a fairytale. He lets me be me. He understands I am a human. He understands I have dreams and goals and wishes outside of him. I have hobbies, I have friends, I have a life; he is not my world, I am my world. He lets me be and I love it. Our chemistry is other worldly and our connection is truly something I have never experienced before. In our conversation it's like we manifested each other. AS we got to know each other as friends and were working on ourselves, we found our way back to each other and deepen our connection. Last night I realized I really love him. I love him so much. He's wonderful. I mean I have always loved him, obviously in a friendly was. As a friend, I adore him; I did then and I do now, even more. This time around I love him, I really do. We both recognize that we are always growing and changing and that we need to work through things together as a team, as a partnership, and what makes it better is that he is a really easy person to talk to.

Last week I decided i was going to go se him because there was no way I could wait for our original date to se each other. He lives 4 hours away now, but this ain't my first rodeo. So, instead of waiting two months I drove down to where he lives and spent like two days with him, in that he did tis really cute Valentine's day thing for me and it was wonderful, got me flowers, chocolate, wrote me a card. It was so sweet and I loved it. Our time together was just mazing, nothing felt weird or awkward, it felt how it usually does, just with more love honestly. He took care of me the whole time, something I have never experienced before, and wow. i do just love him. (Which I have not said, or will say until I see him face to face honestly, but honestly want him to say first LOL)

I spoke on the phone with one of my besties yesterday and she is silently going through a lot right now, and I'm going to do my best in supporting her through it as much as I can. She struggles with substance abuse and she's entered a new relationship with a 30 year old insecure ass man. He is insecure about EVERYTHING. Mind you this girl is a Sagittarius, you can not be insecure dealing with a sag. I feel for her though, and I'm glad that she sees me as a confidant. I'm glad that she is able to trust me and really share with me her very ral struggles.

OH btw I am going to Miami in March and I'm very excited! Real first trip with no parents, my girls, and a beach AHHHH. I'm mad excited. (I REALLY WANT A JOB THOUGHHHH)

That's all I got for now though. Till next time xoxo

SOTD: Such a Thing by Alex Isley + Jack Dine

[mytvd]

can they fly?? is there any other way she could have been yanked vertically like that??

the zooming of the credits sent me

"i predicted obama" "can we still say 'tr*nny mess'?"

the crow on the street signs. watching. observing. the video mentioned that the crow and fog get dropped right away which is already making me so sad.

kai confuses me -- is he really making fun of jeremy for wearing nail polish?? "pete wentz (derogatory)"?? offended at the mention of carson daly?? he and jeremy look equally threatening, is kai supposed to be scarier??

the dramatic sunglasses removal made me wonder if vampires can accidentally compel people by making eye contact. or was it just to look cool

the "chill yourself" clip has been stuck in my mind since i first watched that video and seeing it in context was just ...!

why is bonnie so menacing in that shot????

i'm uneasy seeing pretty much all of these people inside a high school. i have consumed ridiculous amounts of high school media but this is really pushing it

"HAWT-E" lmao

i haven't looked into anything about the production at all but this looks like a really high-budget episode for the first season of any show, especially a teen paranormal romance

that crow noise as she enters the cemetery LMAOOOOO

literally lol'd at [i assume damon] standing by that statue. whoever came up with that shot really ate that day

does elena think "hitchcock" is the movie title

the crow sounds keep startling my cat

there's no way she wouldn't have felt that injury lol

is this the same background music from pll??

matt looks old enough to be kai's dad at this restaurant. no offense to this actor irl -- he just looks tired and his skin looks very dehydrated (vs kai's v moisturized face). why didn't they oil up this man and try another take

"when's the last time you had sex with a puppy?"

i thought it was gonna turn out that elena was lying to jenna, she is dressed for a much different occasion than her friends are

"her mom and dad died" i wonder how many more times this will get stated in this episode (edit: even more than i thought)

it looks like stefan is on a date with all three of them

i had to rewatch this scene because of the background kate bush. i didn't want it to be a cover but wow. the hits!!!

i stan this wardrobe full of diaries!!!

why is this teacher such an asshole

i don't think i ever learned about this kind of hyperlocal town history in school at any point (i also went to a small town southern public high school). i realize it's there for our benefit but lol it seems weird. what actual class is this where on day 2 of school they are learning this information??

mr. tanner quickly became even more of an asshole jfc

why is the closeup of stefan's nose pores comforting to me? (it's bc everyone is airbrushed now)

i love how supportive elena is of bonnie's psychic abilities

elena is v committed to cradling that empty solo cup

where is this?? i know they said "the falls" and i assumed this pavilion in the woods was maybe someone's private property but the bridge with the lights?? where are they lol

holy shit vicki

this is a much fancier woods party spot than the woods party spot i went to in high school. or the cow pasture spot. there are so many coolers, cans, bottles, etc, but no visible litter. wild

how is nobody calling 911 lol like why are all these kids just standing around staring as if nothing has happened?? they would be, at the very least, milling about

the zooms are non-stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have never seen so many zooms. slow zooms. fast zooms. credit zooms.

i know there are things like civil war flashbacks but i would love a 90s one of stefan in his "grunge look"

jenny called damon "an eyebrow heavy performance" and yeah

i can't believe jeremy is drinking a beer while there are cops in the frame???

i hope we find out more about the competition caroline believes she is in with elena

the fray. i'm time traveling

stefan wanted to "be someone new" so he returned to his small hometown, under his real name, to live in his family home??

i know that almost everyone in a movie/tv show playing a teen or young adult is older than their character but again this show is really pushing my suspension of disbelief re: damon making eye contact with caroline. in this shot just having him facing the camera instead of showing his profile and using less harsh lighting would have done wonders to not make me viscerally react to him flirting with a teenager.

elena in front of this giant un-curtained window in the dark on the cw is so pll

from the video i know the stefan is "seventeen" but i wonder if katherine was also seventeen?? or maybe katherine is older than the brothers, in apparrant age & actual age? i just had the thought, "if stefan is only here to check out elena, why couldn't he have waited until she graduated high school to meet her?" which made me think, "at what point in her physical development would it become clear that she is a doppleganger of katherine? like how young?" there is no enjoyment for me in trying to pick apart the age disparity ethics of vampire teens dating human teens so i am disregarding that for this entire show but the doppleganger thing is weird to me

just remembered from the vpd video that queen bianca lawson is on this show, just like she was on contemporary PLL and predecessor BTVS. the eternal teenager

i was committed to only watching one episode tonight but the next episode is called "the night of the comet." fuck

[skyyknights]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

Tagged by @zeldaelmo @nocturne-side-blog @aegon-targaryen !! Thank you all!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

59 in total, but only 46 are available to the public 😅 I think I ended up putting some of the ones I wasn't as fond of, or ones that I just didn't feel like updating ever again, to a private collection lol

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

212,020!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

hooboy.

Legend of Zelda, mainly, but also: How to Train Your Dragon, Miraculous, LOTR, 1917, MCU, Narnia, Endeavour, and a few other extremely obscure fandoms hardly anyone else is in XD

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

the faces left behind (LU which I know many people hate but I like it so don't judge lol)

Marinette Has Cookies (Of Course Chat Showed Up) (what an annoying title actually??) (Miraculous)

Just Allergies? (How to Train Your Dragon)

Juli's Tree (Flipped)

The Power of a Hot Drink (Skyward Sword)

wow I am... not good at coming up with fic titles 😂 nowadays I just pick a song lyric from a song that applies and slap it on the title but other than that they're pretty horrible 💀

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! Although sometimes if there's really no way to respond to it I just mark it as read.

...also usually it takes me a while to get the motivation to reply. I've been known to take months before answering a comment 😬

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oo hm... I can't decide so instead I shall dump a handful of them

One Last Look - Skyward Sword Zelink, after that scene

Age - Sksw Zelink through the years, with a bittersweet ending

Golden Sands - this is one of the first fics I ever posted (originally posted on Wattpad... oof). but basically it's about the robot Skipper from Skyward Sword, thinking about his past life while broken and unable to move in the present.

Incomprehensible - POV of other hobbits in the Shire, unable to understand why the four Travelers act the way they do, or why eventually their number drops to three.

Regrets - Joandeavour talking about... tough things :(

Please, Ada - Babey™ Legolas wanting to hang with his father and his father does NOT want to hang with him is the happiest way I can describe it

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Take three because I'm indecisive.

Worthy - Edmund Pevensie coming to terms with the fact that he is loved

Spidey - Spideychelle being oblivious. that is all

Rainy Days - TP Zelinkkkkkk

there's definitely more but I think those are probably some of the happiest

8. Do you get hate on fics?

My fics usually have a pretty small reception so I don't think so? The most would be someone saying the plotholes of the fic were killing them which then sent me, a major overthinker, into overdrive, even though it's not that bad XD so no, thankfully, I don't think I've ever gotten any (although anon hate is another thing entirely. LOL)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

nope! don't ever plan to either

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

erm. I don't think I ever have?? I've read one or two before, but I don't believe I have ever actually written one

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so XD

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

again, idt so!!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope! It's a dream of mine though, Noct and I have several things planned >>>>>>:)

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

oh boy.

so

this is a tricky question

and

the answer is.

all of them

ok jokes aside I genuinely cannot narrow it down, so I'll list... my top five, I guess.

Zelink, Joandeavour, Spideychelle, Rudy/Liesel, and Hiccstrid

(Hm. Thinking about it Joandeavour is probably my favorite just because it's so heartbreakingly tragic, but Zelink is a very very very close second)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

hah.

Probably this, a fix-it Spideychelle fic that I have a lot written for but idk if I'll ever have the guts to do much else with it

16. What are your writing strengths?

d. description I guess?? I've never been a good judge at what I'm good at XD

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I tend to be a bit Victor Hugo-esque with my sentences, aka I have to control myself so the sentence doesn't stretch on for five paragraphs

and we don't talk about my old fics <3

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I mean? For LOTR I would definitely sprinkle in elvish just for the vibe of it, also because he did so, but I would also provide translations. For real-world...hmm. I think I did throw in three or four German words in The Book Thief fic I posted recently, but again, the author himself did so, and I think so long as you're not adding a full, necessary sentence that the reader is then required to look up in order to understand what's going on, and if you instead just use a curse word or a muttered phrase of annoyance or something in the other language, I think that's fine.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

LOTR, I believe. Hand-written in seventh or eighth grade XD

(And then I wrote dozens of unfinished Loz fics in the notes app on my mom's ancient phone she didn't use anymore, fics that completely misunderstood any of the games because I hadn't played them yet. It pains me to think about those fics).

(also this is not counting those "add on to the end of the story!" assignments teachers used to give out in middle school)

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

oh hot dang lemme see

againnnn we are doing several (look my decision making has been ATROCIOUS lately, I cannot be faulted <3)

you feel like home - SkSw Zelink, a teeny tiny bit of angst but mostly fluff (also Link nearly throws hands with Scrapper which is a bonus. When I tell you I cranked that fic out in a day after getting so salty with Scrapper I nearly snapped my wiimote in half)

would I run off the world someday - a very recent TP Zinc fic!! It has traces of Midlink; essentially, it's about Link refusing to stop grieving Midna, and thus hurting himself and Zelda, who is in love with him due to having shared a soul with Midna. It's basically a 4+1 fic and does end happy with the promise of future Zelink, very different from my normal Zelink stuff though

annnd...

Forbidden - Zinc week fic that didn't get as much attention as my other two ZW fics, but I actually really really love it so. <3 I just. idk I love the prose of that fic, I suppose :) and the ending hehe

I do have a few other favorites but I think it's unfair to include them because they're unfinished lol

tagging: @aheavenscorner @minstrelsmusings @onewingedsparrow (sorry if you've already been tagged oops)

[cinhomi]

SLAY WE STAN A GIRLIE IN A BOMB OUTFIT TYPING OUT A FIC (power move!! just don't do it too often) hope you're feeling better today and didn't get a cold or anything! getting drenched in the rain (dancing in the rain?) is somehow a very romanticized thing until you actually do it 💀soggy socks are the bane of my existence when it rains 😩 (hope your day today was better than yesterday!!)

I told some of my irl friends about this and they were pretty indignant on my behalf as well. I agree with what you said. he says that he's gonna be there with me in spirit but...wow, thanks? I'm just roasting him about it now but he keeps on saying affectionate shit which is kinda unconvincing because dude...you are literally leaving.

on a happier note, have you heard the new stage video on leave 👀 their vocals are HEAVENLY in this one!!

also today i saw someone post a pic of their tiny pilot skzoos in a glass box and my first thought was skzoo in a jar and I deserve to go into hell for that one IM SORRY SKZOO I LOVE YOU I SWEAR

- titracha nonnie :P https://www.instagram.com/p/Cy1IMzHv1QQ/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

look at this beautiful art with liddies

I do feel better, thank you! but today was messy and frustrating since I just realized I'm kinda overworked 🤪 hope you're doing better than me, fr...

I'm sorry that he's acting like that, I can't say much more since I don't know the situation nor the person but I'll leave a pic for you here to use as a reminder

don't know where you're from but I'll translate anyway, for anyone who reads this ask,, it says "Minho wouldn't treat me like this" ー hope it will help in the future because it honestly does for me, it flashes in front of me whenever someone doesn't treat me like I think I deserveー lol

and no actually! I didn't want to spoil myself any song, I honestly don't know why they performed them BEFORE the cb... I have few things to say about that but I'm actually too tired to elaborate. I believe you tho, their vocals improve every time I hear them 🩷

NOOOO SKZOO IN A JAR BAUAJZHZQJSKDJ I ACTUALLY LAUGHED SO HARD WHEN I FIRST READ THE ASK QHZUAHXYAHZGA AND THE ART U SENT HELLO???? it reminds me of the dilf Minho I wrote about liddies are so so so hot and ugh wanna squeeze n bite 'em so bad wanna squeeze n bite Lino in general

[adachimoe]

lol the 15 hr cmt was absolutely about Hiding in Private. I recently finally watched his Adachi video after it was recommended to me multiple times and only got 3 mins in before I closed it. "Adachi setup Namatame to kidnap Rise" is factually untrue. It might seem like a "minor mistake" to someone else, but I think it says a lot about how Hiding failed to see what Adachi was actually doing in Persona 4, as it means he believed Adachi when he said he was watching the IT and Namatame play cat and mouse. And it is compounded by how absolutely hilarious it is for him to have missed that, after boasting about having studied Persona 4 for a year to make The Ultimate Analysis about it.

Personally, I actually don't mind calling him an edgelord or an incel. The issue I have is when people add a period after edgelord or incel - as if to say, that is his entire character.

Which, no?? It's not??

I struggle to even call it subtext that they've missed when it feels so blatant lol. He sends a Fake Projection of himself to go mope around in Mayumi's TV world apartment, says a bunch of stuff that just the flashbacks the player is shown prove to be incomplete statements, then invites you to come see His Real Self inside of his dungeon. After you punch him in the face, he says something about how he had Nowhere Left to Go.

Arena Ultimax even spells this out when he goes, "Uhm, I'm helping destroy the world because I am bored and fuck Inaba", while on the inside, he's telling himself that it's easier for the Investigation Team to see him as a bad guy because that fits their perception of him. I wonder why that would be their perception of him. Wow, it's almost like there was a part in Persona 4 where he sent a Fake Projection to say dubious insane shit to them.

It's wild to miss this kind of subtext, but wowie the meme does go that Persona fans can't read.

There's something about Sho going "ADACHI, GO KILL SOMEONE" that gives him the same vibes as an /r/okbuddypersona/ user, or a Twitter user whose entire impression of Adachi is "bitches and whores", or a YouTube essayist who spent a year "researching" Persona 4 and made 15 hours worth of video essays about it but didn't understand what Adachi was doing during Persona 4 at all.

[professorcalculusstanaccount]

Bro I love you so much /p as someone who read the whole Tintin's comics multiple times as a child, saw the different movies and related smh sometimes to this wild lil belgian/french dude, seing your stuff makes me so goddamn happy.

I'm not at a super good time in my life rn. But seeing that some people still love those comics to the point of being hella creative about it reminds me how happy I was, at the time, when I was reading those on my mom's old ass MacBook in primary/elementary school, or on the floor of the living room with my dad's comics that were a bit falling apart becausd he had them for so long ; and then I was joyfully doing stories about it by myself too ! I now remember how badly I wanted to be like Tintin growing up ! Wow ! My trans ass just realised that !

I'll probably start to read them again tonight, you smh woke up my actual first hyperfixation of all time I think. Also I spent maybe one full hour sending all your stuff to my gf tonight because I was so happy and my connection sucks ah-

Have a good time in life, honestly you're amazing ! (and sorry for the grammar/syntax/spelling mistakes ! My french ADHD ass can't write anymore in english)

Oh wow. oh man. Thank you so much for sending this to me, I know you sent it some time ago and I'm sorry I took a long time to respond, but this really means a lot to me!

I'm also transmasc and can relate to fictional characters being formative in childhood (though for some reason I never related to Tintin? he was just Too Perfect for me. I definitely related to Haddock as a kid. maybe i had Issues lol).

The way Tintin performs gender is super appealing, I genuinely believe his unique way of presenting gender was a large factor in his global popularity - he was a total badass without alienating people who don't relate to "traditional" Western forms of masculinity! A petite androgynous guy who loved musical theatre and dressed his little dog in ribbons and was never mocked for it. Really makes him stand out from a lot of male action heroes of the time.

I hope you're in a better place now, it's been a rough couple of years recently. Thank you so much for taking the time to write to me, especially in English!