#Would genuinely like to know how David was directed for this scene

[crookedfivefingers]

Smith and Jones Doctor Who [s3.e1]

[strawberryanqel]

| 𝘼 𝙉𝙚𝙬 𝘽𝙚𝙜𝙞𝙣𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜

Summary: As the newest member of the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit, the reader navigates the complexities of her first case alongside the brilliant and inquisitive Spencer Reid. Over months of working together, their professional relationship blossoms into something more. Pairings include Spencer Reid x Reader.

Number of words: 7k+

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Standing in front of the elevator doors, the reality of starting a new job at the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit was starting to sink in. It was her first day, and she could feel the weight of expectations pressing on her shoulders. The elevator doors dinged open, and she stepped into the bustling office, greeted by the sight of agents busy with paperwork and discussions.

"Welcome to the BAU," a familiar voice said. She turned to see Aaron Hotchner, the unit chief, approaching with a welcoming smile. "We're glad to have you on the team."

"Thank you, sir. I'm excited to be here," she replied, trying to keep her nerves in check.

"Let me introduce you to the team," Hotch said, leading her through the office. "This is Derek Morgan, our muscle and field expert."

Derek gave her a friendly nod. "Hey, welcome aboard."

"And this is Penelope Garcia, our technical analyst."

Penelope waved enthusiastically from her desk covered in colorful trinkets. "Hi there! Can't wait to work with you!"

"Emily Prentiss, our seasoned agent," Hotch continued.

Emily Prentiss smiled warmly. "Nice to meet you."

"David Rossi, our senior agent and profiler."

Rossi gave a respectful nod. "Welcome."

"And finally, Dr. Spencer Reid, our resident genius."

Spencer looked up from a stack of files, his curious eyes meeting hers. "Hi, nice to meet you," he said, standing up and extending his hand.

"Nice to meet you too," she replied, shaking his hand. His grip was gentle, and there was an unmistakable warmth in his eyes.

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The first few days were a whirlwind of learning protocols, getting to know the team's dynamics, and familiarizing herself with ongoing cases. Spencer Reid, in particular, seemed to take a keen interest in helping her settle in. He was always around, asking questions about her background, her previous work, and even her hobbies.

"So, what got you interested in criminal psychology?" Spencer asked one afternoon as they were going over case files.

She looked up from the file she was reading, slightly taken aback by his directness. "I guess I've always been fascinated by the human mind and what drives people to commit crimes. And the idea of helping victims and preventing future crimes really appealed to me."

Spencer nodded thoughtfully. "That's a noble reason. We could always use more people who genuinely care about making a difference."

Over the next few months, Spencer's curiosity about her never seemed to wane. He would often sit with her during lunch, asking about her favorite books, movies, and even her thoughts on various psychological theories. It was clear that he enjoyed their conversations, and she found herself looking forward to their interactions as well.

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Their first case together came sooner than expected. A string of murders in a small town required the team's immediate attention, and they were soon on a jet headed to the crime scene. She felt a mix of excitement and nervousness, knowing that this was her chance to prove herself.

As they worked through the case, she was impressed by Spencer's intellect and his ability to connect seemingly unrelated pieces of information. He was like a human encyclopedia, reciting facts and statistics effortlessly. But what impressed her the most was his empathy for the victims and their families.

One evening, after a particularly long day, Spencer found her sitting alone in the hotel's lounge, looking exhausted.

"Hey," he said softly, sitting down next to her. "How are you holding up?"

She sighed, running a hand through her hair. "It's been a tough day. This case... it's just so heartbreaking."

Spencer nodded, his expression understanding. "It never gets easier, but knowing that we're helping to bring justice can be a source of comfort. And remember, you're not alone. We're all in this together."

She smiled, grateful for his words. "Thanks, Spencer. That means a lot."

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As the months went by, their bond grew stronger. They spent countless hours working together, sharing stories, and learning more about each other. Spencer's constant questions, which initially seemed like simple curiosity, began to feel more like genuine interest.

One evening, after a successful case, the team decided to celebrate at a nearby bar. Laughter and chatter filled the air as they relaxed and enjoyed each other's company. Spencer and the reader found themselves sitting together, a comfortable silence between them.

"So, what about you, Spencer? What do you do when you're not solving crimes and quoting encyclopedias?" she asked playfully.

Spencer chuckled. "Well, I enjoy reading, playing chess, and visiting museums. And I have a bit of a magic trick hobby."

"Magic tricks? Really?" she said, intrigued. "You'll have to show me some time."

"Deal," Spencer replied with a smile. "And what about you? What do you like to do in your free time?"

"I love hiking, painting, and trying out new recipes," she said. "It's a nice way to unwind after a long day."

As the night went on, their conversation flowed effortlessly. It was as if they had known each other for years, and the connection between them grew stronger with each passing moment.

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Their friendship continued to deepen, and it became clear to both of them that there was something more than just professional camaraderie. The reader found herself thinking about Spencer more often, and she couldn't deny the butterflies she felt whenever he was around.

One evening, after a particularly challenging case, Spencer invited her to his apartment for dinner. She accepted, feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness.

Spencer's apartment was cozy and filled with books, just as she had imagined. The smell of something delicious wafted through the air as he led her to the kitchen.

"I hope you like pasta," Spencer said, looking a bit shy.

"I love pasta," she replied, smiling. "This is really nice of you, Spencer. Thank you."

As they ate, their conversation flowed effortlessly. They talked about their favorite books, shared childhood memories, and even laughed about some of the more humorous moments on the job.

After dinner, they sat on the couch, a comfortable silence between them. Spencer seemed to be deep in thought, and she wondered what was on his mind.

"There's something I need to tell you," Spencer said finally, his voice hesitant.

She turned to him, her heart pounding. "What is it?"

Spencer took a deep breath, his eyes meeting hers. "I've really enjoyed getting to know you these past few months. You're an amazing person, and I... I think I have feelings for you."

Her heart skipped a beat, and she felt a rush of emotions. "Spencer, I... I feel the same way."

A relieved smile spread across his face, and he reached out to take her hand. "Really?"

"Really," she replied, squeezing his hand gently. "I've been wanting to tell you for a while now, but I was scared."

Spencer's eyes softened, and he leaned in closer. "You don't have to be scared. We'll figure this out together."

As their lips met in a tender kiss, it felt like everything had fallen into place. They had found something special, and they knew that whatever challenges lay ahead, they would face them together.

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I hope you guys liked this one! Feel free to send me requests in my inbox and i'll get to that pretty quick since I'm free! i do fics, headcanons, blurbs, drabbles, series, anything really! Just ask away! i write for Percy Jackson, Marvel, Harry Potter, Criminal Minds, and a bunch on other fandoms! Just send me a request!

[agattthaa]

Only you

Paring: Cassiel/Audrey

Word count: 1.065

Rating: T

Summary: Jealous truly was a all consuming feeling.

Tagging: @rc-catalog

The entire thing was ridiculous. 

The ballroom was ridiculous, the slow waltz was ridiculous, the blond clinging to Cassiel's arm was ridiculous and the said man was even more ridiculous. 

Not that she felt jealous or anything. 

Cassiel didn't belong to her and they were on that stupid ball for their mission. 

He had to mingle, to try to find information about the artifact that would be auctioned later. And who could know better about one of the items of an auction than the auctioneer herself. All of them had received a direct order from Mikael to try to get closer to the woman, but out of all the Astrea's employees on the ball room on that evening, she immediately gravitated towards Cassiel, her grin wicked as he approached her first and started his subtle questions with the fakest smile he could pretend. And she was clearly very excited to answer all of them while her fingers seemed to want nothing other than to take the clothes away from the man's body. 

And Audrey was definitely reacting very normally about the entire situation. 

She definitely couldn't feel the eyes of her coworkers on her as they held their laugh at her almost palpable anger. They were all doing their job perfectly well. Even reclused Raphael was in the middle of a conversation group. 

Meanwhile, her, the one specifically hired to analyze the human behavior and probably the one who had a better shot at making someone slip an information was the on with her hip resting against the champagne table while she held an empty glass on her hand and looked so angrily at the scene that if looks could kill, the auctioneer would already be at the cemetery. 

But she was definitely not jealous.  

Except for the fact that she was. 

She was very jealous. And she knew that very well although she would deny it until her last breath. 

She was jealous. Furiously so. 

More than ten men had seen her completely by herself with that red dress clinging to her body and tried to approach, but the fury seemed to almost emanate from her body and just a look was enough to send them back to the hole they came from. 

So furious that even from so far, Cassiel noticed, his smile instantly turning into a genuine one. And that only made her angrier, her grasp against the glass so strong that she could feel it trembling on her hand. 

But the woman in front of him also noticed the change on Cassiel’s face, believing that such a smile was for herself, her hand immediately climbed to his shoulder. 

Raphael grabbed the glass on Audrey’s hand before she made it explode, or dropped it, or worse, smashed against the woman's head. Only then she noticed that all her coworkers were around her, all three of them clearly having a lot of fun with the situation. 

She could feel his presence behind her even before she noticed how bigger David's and Felonia's smile were now. 

She didn't turn around to see him.

She wasn't going to give him the pleasure. 

Not until he simply let out a simple sentence.

-Let's dance. 

And that made her turn around, not believing how shameless he could behave. The little voice on the back of her head trying to remind her that he was just doing his job was completely drowned by her possessiveness. 

It seemed that he only understood how upset she was when his eyes met hers. She got upset with him frequently and about any and everything, but never like that, never that much.

-Calm down, Romeu. We need to know what the miss flirt there told you. 

-Nothing. All she did was call me to her room and avoid all my questions. -He reached for Audrey's hand when he saw her face twitching, lacing their fingers together and softly pulling her closer to him. -Dance with me?

Now it did sound like a question, one that she had no idea of why she nodded to. 

Maybe the little voice of reason in her head after so much fight was finally being heard. 

Maybe it was the feeling of his hand on hers and the silent plea in his eyes that showed he was capable of melting her anger like ice on a summer day. 

It was definitely the first option. 

And yet, she let him guide her to the middle of the ballroom, staring straight into his eyes when he stopped, placing his other hand on her waist and pulling her closer, slowly swaying to the music. 

Audrey's remaining anger did a 360° shift into satisfaction when she noticed that the situation was now the reverse. The blonde woman stayed a couple of feet away, watching the scene with her arms crossed above her chest and an expression of pure jealousy. 

Audrey pulled Cassiel closer. 

-You are so easy to please sometimes.

-I have no idea of what you're talking about.

He squeezed her waist, grinning as she pulled him closer again, closer than they should be, not close enough. He pulled her even more to him, pressing his face on the side of hers, rubbing his nose against her skin and whispering in her ear.

-You looked like you were about to commit a murder and now you are shining of happiness as you show me off. Didn't take you for the jealous type, Audrey.

It was as clear as the day that he did it on purpose, he knew fully well the effect that the way that he whispered her name caused. But two could play this game. Her hand left his shoulder and she was now almost hugging him by the neck, pulling away and looking deeply into his eyes.

-I'm not very good at sharing what is mine, Cassil. 

And the grin on his face could only match hers as it was the only one that he wanted to.

-Good thing you don't have to share then. -He spun her around, rubbing his nose against hers when she was in front of him again. -There's only you.

And now the only thing on her smile was happiness. They didn't need to talk about the implications of that. Not now. Not when his eyes shined on hers with the same feelings. They both already knew.

-And there is only you.

[humbledragon669]

S1E1 – In The Beginning Write Up P3

– Five Years Later (allegedly) and The Present Day

Alright so let’s address the elephant in the room here shall we? The signpost tells us, in no uncertain terms, that the story line has moved on by five years. I have a serious issue with that assertion, and it’s not just because this is in direct contradiction to the storyline in the book. It goes a little something like this:

I cannot believe that Aziraphale and Crowley have left the Antichrist alone for the first five years of his life.

Even if we’re generous here and say that Crowley steps in to replace a nanny that has been present for Warlock’s early years, it simply doesn’t make any sense that they would have sat back and let him develop on his merry way for the most influential years of his life (sorry Neil, but I will die on this hill). The book’s timeline here makes a lot more sense – that both Aziraphale and Crowley are inserted into Warlock’s life within a week of his birth, Aziraphale as the gardener and Crowley as the nanny. At the age of five, they both leave and return immediately as tutors for him, ensuring that they are both present for his entire childhood. With that in mind, I’m going to do something potentially controversial and adopt the book timeline as fact. It just makes more sense. Also that will make my fanfic ideas not only possible but genuinely really feasible. Honestly, I don’t know why the timeline deviates from the book here – this matter aside, the series is a truly excellent adaptation of the book (judged by the fact that I never said “that’s not how it happened in the book” for the whole of series 1. There are a lot of media writers that could learn a lot from Neil on this point – I’m looking at you Discovery of Witches series 2 creative team).

There are two things I find interesting about the short scene that follows (no, one of them is not how well David carries off a skirt, though I do really appreciate the Mary Poppins reference with that costume). Firstly, the positioning of Aziraphale as a gardener. I suppose we shouldn’t be surprised that the idea of a garden is brought up again, but I can’t quite make the connection myself. Perhaps there isn’t meant to be one. That said, I would have thought, given his character, Aziraphale might have been more suitable as something like a butler (it would even give him the opportunity to steal food!), which would likely give him more opportunity to interact with Warlock throughout his childhood, so I do feel like there’s something here.

On a tangential (and impossible-to-be-related) note, I saw Nye a few days ago (a play about the founder of the NHS, starring Michael, for those who don’t know what this is) and there was a line in it about Nye and his wife believing their love to be like a garden – he planted the love and she tended to it. It was truly beautiful and touching. I felt like I had a sort of light bulb moment about gardens in GO and then realised that the two productions have nothing to do with one another!

The second thing I noted about this sequence is more something of note than something that has meaning. Having discussed the music/soundtrack for this series in a previous write up, it should come as no surprise that there is a cute little parallel here: the melody Crowley uses for the lullaby he sings to Warlock is the same as the melody for the second motif in the theme tune. It’s slowed down quite considerably, but still recognisable.

Original theme:

Lullaby:

I have to say, I’m a little disappointed we don’t get to hear the rendition of “Three Little Pigs” that we’re treated to in the book. I am not ashamed to say that I laughed very long and very hard when I read it – I have a pretty dark sense of humour. Perhaps this was a little too much for the good ol’ BBC?

Quick item of note from the next scene at Heaven/Hell HQ – this series has escalators instead of an elevator. I had originally assumed that this was the same building as we see being used in series 2 to gain access to Heaven but looking at the background when Crowley and Aziraphale enter the building, it’s clear that it’s a completely different building, which just makes me wonder where exactly the HQ entrance is. There’s a really clever piece of editing at use here too, one which I actually didn’t spot until I was doing this write up.

I hadn’t noticed previously that the duplicate image of the escalator on the floor of the lobby ISN’T a reflection of the physical escalators. On the left, we can see Crowley’s image on a set of escalators going down, whilst we see no reflection of Aziraphale. We even get to see Crowley approach the escalator in the “reflection” after he disappears through the floor, whilst Aziraphale’s reflection disappears from the floor as he approaches the stairs, and both of these things happen as they walk across an area that ripples like water under their feet. I don’t think there’s any hidden meaning in this, I just think it’s a really cool piece of film.

When we see the angel and demon giving their reports to their respective head offices, it’s made clear to us that neither authority has any awareness of their collaboration. In fact, Aziraphale is still held in high esteem by Gabriel and Michael (though perhaps not Uriel and Sandalphon – those two always look like someone just pissed on their nice suits) and is even given permission to continue on his apparently futile mission. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said of Crowley, but as Liggur said earlier in the episode, it would be a funny thing if demons could trust one another anyway.

It’s nice to see that Heaven isn’t so busy that it can’t produce a newspaper for its earthbound agents, complete with weak headlines, worthy of any local rag:

I do not think it a coincidence that the newspaper has been given the title of “Observer” – after all, it’s pretty much all they do up there isn’t it? Watch people? Other than planning Armageddon I mean…

The short scene on the bus also shows us a little more of the dynamic between Crowley and Aziraphale when it comes to planning. It’s clear that the angel is relying on the demon to lead the way and he looks really worried when it’s made apparent that Crowley doesn’t have a plan for a potential emergency situation.

Quick note about the Hell Hound – he’s being housed in a room with a number on it – 2549. Does this mean there have been 2548 Hell Hounds before him? Hastur certainly indicates that he isn’t the only Hell Hound they have (but he is the biggest). Where are the rest of them?

The conversation (which takes place in the grounds of Crystal Palace Dinosaur Park - the repeated reference to dinosaurs being a big joke in this scene is not lost on me) on the park bench is the first time we hear Crowley call Aziraphale by the name “Angel”. Neil has confirmed (here and here) that this isn’t anything other than a factual name to use but I can’t help but feel like it’s affectionate. It’s certainly very familiar and it’s interesting to see that Aziraphale doesn’t repay the favour; perhaps this is to do with the meaning of the words – after all, calling someone “demon” doesn’t feel very polite, does it? Or perhaps it’s just that “Aziraphale” is a bit of a mouthful to say. This is also the first time we are let in to the secret of them having their own side:

AZIRAPHALE: And if he does name it? CROWLEY: Then you and I have lost.

The conversation around the potential murder of an 11-year-old boy presents an interesting side of the relationship between the pair. I don’t think I’m alone in thinking that the suggestion that Aziraphale is capable of killing an innocent child (even if he is the Antichrist) is nothing short of laughable, and Crowley would know this. This suggestion is shared with a rare occurrence of Crowley communicating “secretly” with Aziraphale where the angel doesn’t get the message, and the irony is that Crowley isn’t even being that subtle about it. There’s no doubt that Aziraphale really doesn’t get the drift though:

It’s painful to watch Aziraphale’s thought process here. He knows that Crowley’s logic actually makes sense but he can’t tally that with his own moral compass – it’s a struggle that I think the vast majority of us would go through if put in the same position. Sadly, it’s not like Crowley has much other choice than to suggest Aziraphale does the deed – if he were to do it himself, the repercussions for him would be unthinkable. It’s clear that this is the first time he has raised this idea in the eleven years they’ve been doing this job together and he can’t even say it without his voice breaking (see “one life against the universe”), and once it’s clear that Aziraphale isn’t open to the idea he doesn’t push him or lose his temper. He watches Aziraphale carefully for the whole exchange, without changing his expression, which I take to mean he’s watching for any signs that he’s pushing him too far.  All of this tells me he’s only done it because they’re getting desperate.

Alright, it’s time to move on to the little “magic” routine. I find this whole sequence adorable - can we say 1941 vibes? I do find it interesting just how quickly Aziraphale’s mood changes with the idea of him being able to perform some magic again – he’s gone from the contemplation of the ethics of an actual trolley problem (see here if you don’t know what that is) to a smiling, bubbly angel complaining that his companion is “no fun” in mere seconds. For someone who lives their life in eons of centuries instead of years or decades, he’s a remarkably fickle being! It’s pretty blurry in this shot, but just look how happy this angel is:

The hidden communication thread is resumed at normal operation here as Crowley knows exactly what Aziraphale means when he says he could “entertain” – he knows exactly what he means by this and is not amused by the implications.

I also find Crowley’s use of the word “demeaning” an interesting choice here. Usually we might say embarrassing; in fact the dictionary definition of demeaning is to lower the character of somebody, or to make them feel less respected. Whilst I can fully understand why Crowley might be embarrassed by Aziraphale’s pathetic attempts at illusionary magic, I am less clear on why he would find it demeaning. UNLESS. Unless my suppositions about the state of their relationship are correct, in which case they would have already been together (romantically) for almost eleven years at this point. Then it makes a weird sort of sense.

The comic little squabble that follows also makes perfect sense in this context. This couple are in no mood to compromise on this matter; Aziraphale will not be told that he’s a shit magician because he has too much fun doing it (this despite the fact that we know he and Crowley agreed he shouldn’t do magic anymore, but unlike in 1941, there’s no risk of anybody getting hurt if he drops a coin on the floor) and Crowley will not concede that he’s being a killjoy (which goes quite against his character). The spat concludes with Crowley delivering a passive-aggressive threat to Aziraphale, which you can see he instantly reconsiders with a head tilt - probably wise considering how unimpressed the angel is with it.

Side note: the watch that Crowley is wearing (seen at Warlock’s birthday party) appears to be a Devon Tread 1 A, coming in at a cool 18.5K (dollars). The book does make mention of his watch being fucking fashionably expensive but it was custom made for him, with an extra time zone for “Another Place” where the time is always “Too Late”.

Another side note: how many dens did you make as a child? A fair few I’d bet if you were anything like me. Did they ever look as cool as the one that The Them has? Me neither. I mean, just look at all those guns and skeletons used for decoration:

Once we’re back at the book shop, I find it interesting that Aziraphale is intending to imbibe (we don’t actually see him drink any of it) whatever spirit he’s given to Crowley. I’ve no doubt it’s good quality, it’s just unusual to see him drinking hard liquor – perhaps this is simply due to the seriousness of the situation he finds himself in. Their conversation about lying in memos to head office also suggests that Crowley might not be the only one lying to his bosses:

CROWLEY: Everyone stretches the truth a bit in memos to head office, you know that.

Is it me, or is there a sense of “I told you so” to Aziraphale’s lack of sympathy towards Crowley’s despair? Some might say it’s reminiscent of the way a stereotypical nagging wife speaks to their long-suffering husband when he’s done something wrong…

In amongst the dark threat of impending Armageddon, we’re still treated to a little comedy (and perhaps another Clue as to the current status of the relationship between the angel and demon). Crowley’s snappy, and ill-considered, outburst in response to Aziraphale’s almost apologetic confession that he’s wearing a new cologne is well worth a word or two. Let’s say for a second that this pair are not romantically involved at this point in time – is it not a bit strange to think that the person you’re with knows you so well that they would detect that you’re wearing a different perfume than usual? I would think you’d have to be spending a LOT of time in VERY close proximity to that person for that piece of information to be anywhere near their radar. And what’s with the angel’s apologetic tone? Why would you feel the need to be sorry about trying out a new cologne? Aziraphale doesn’t look particularly shocked when Crowley announces that he knows what he smells like, and Crowley’s tone and facial expression suggests he thinks this piece of knowledge is a pretty obvious one.

Here’s my last observation for this episode. Check out just how earnest Crowley is in this delivery:

Despite Aziraphale’s response that he thinks he obviously would, I don’t really feel like he believes this stance, and he’d do anything not to believe that what Crowley is saying is true.

And so concludes the first episode! If you’ve made it this far through my write-up(s) so far, I commend and thank you. I’ll start work on the next episode over the next few days, but in the meantime I’ll also write a master post that I’ll add to as I go along. As always, comments, questions, discussions and any other engagements are welcome.

[whimsylueur]

Who are your top 5 ships and do you have any theme songs to go with them? (Your taste in music is pretty spot on! Like Queen of Hearts by Juice Newton??? Literally Pleasant/Sorrows lyric for lyric)

HAHAHAHA THANK YOUUU WOW! I have to say, I’m already in the works for drawing a scene with a similar concept, you know how in Resurrection when Skug is performing Heroes by David Bowie for Xena? (Stares wistfully into the distance, whispering) Hell yes.

I’ll use this opportunity to just write my ideas and mayhaps I will drop a couple doodles at a later date. This is a mighty interesting ask, cheers for that.

Here we go:

1. Skulduggery Pleasant/Valkyrie Cain: DUHH. Now, I could give you a playlist, but I’m merciful. So there will be three, and oh God just trust me on these ones guys. Edit: there will be four

2. Serafina Dey/Mevolent: This genuinely is my favourite ROMANTIC ship. Guys they would cross dimensions to be together :( that’s almost on par with Valduggery. And yes, I know they’re goth as fuck but,

I will not explain further.

3. Tanith Low/Ghastly Bespoke: THEY DESERVED TO BE HAPPY. (Shaking fist in Dublin’s general direction)

This song for sure would have been playing if they got their reunion scene from Cassandra’s vision in Last Stand of Dead Men. All I’d add, have a building blow up in the distance behind them and everything would have been perfectly epic.

4. Vaurien Scapegrace/Thrasher: I am vehemently opposed to their lack of involvement in Phase 2, I love that they’re okay and living peacefully together with Clarabelle but maaaan >:^(

5. Valkyrie Cain/Militsa Gnosis: Easily a great ship. Miss Gnosis was laying it on fucking thick and I have nothing but respect for her grind.

Bonus: Temper Fray/Kierre: I know they didn’t get much “screen time” but it was so alluring to me, I can’t believe how instantaneously I was invested. Good job, Landy, I’m hooked.

[billpottsismygf]

That was a really well written episode, with some great sci-fi concepts and amazing character work. It obviously gives a slightly Midnight energy, with these mysterious creatures copying people, but it manages to be completely its own thing. The only place it really fell down were the effects, which is such a shame.

To get that out of the way, the body stretching stuff could have been really effective and creepy, but it mostly just came off very silly. After the incredible production values last episode, it's such a jump down. My suspicion is that The Star Beast and The Giggle were incredibly expensive, and that this was the budget-saving episode - just our main two actors and a spaceship set - but they tried to combine it with a story that required body horror to work, and sadly that element just didn't. Funnily enough, I noticed as the opening credits rolled that it was directed by Tom Kingsley, the original director of Ghosts, and I remember that the reason Ghosts hired him was because of his ability to do special effects on the cheap. Sadly, while I think he could get away with ghosts walking through walls in a budget-saving manner, here it just looks like David Tennant and Catherine Tate have been messed around awkwardly in photoshop and it totally took me out of the horror and the tension the episode was trying to build. It would have been far better, and still would have saved money, if we had barely been shown what they actually looked like and instead focused on Donna and the Doctor's reactions. Once the creatures started to stabilise and to look basically human, it was a fantastic episode, though.

Catherine Tate and David Tennant were on top form throughout, bringing so much comedy and also drama when necessary. I love the subtlety of their performances as the entities. When Donna started monologuing about how her family would react to her being gone, I thought it was an odd acting choice for the Doctor to be slightly smiling, but it turns out it was a genius acting choice.

Speaking of genius choices: Flux! Ahhhh, I cann't express how pleased I am with the way this episode tackled it. Trust RTD to do what Chris Chibnall totally failed to do and actually give it weight (gravity, one might say). Actually seeing the Doctor express emotions about it and have a complicated guilt over the whole thing was so goddamn cathartic. I've posted extensively in the past about how disappointing it was that the Flux seemed to not matter at all once it was over (Half the universe was destroyed, hello? The Doctor committed triple genocide without batting an eyelid, and both that and the destruction of the universe might as well have not happened by the next episode???), and RTD just swooped in and made it work with one scene. I also liked the acknowledgement that the Doctor doesn't know where they're from. I think that was perfect. I know there are people who want Chris Chibnall's run to be ignored, but I'd much rather the approach RTD is taking, which is to take those things and turn them into character moments.

This is one that I'm really looking forward to rewatching. Despite the goofy effects taking me out of what are meant to be suspenseful moments, it was a really effective episode, and what a joy to see David and Catherine at the height of their abilities bouncing off each other for an entire hour.

Small things:

Not so small, but Wilf! Wilf! Wilf! Wilf!!!! I'm so happy to see him <3 And the episode was dedicated to Bernard Cribbins' memory <3

Seeing Donna getting left behind genuinely had me terrified. I'd seen people speculating about Donna dying in these specials, which I rejected as not going to happen, but oh boy I really thought they might just do it here. My headache ramped right up as my heartrate did!

I loved seeing the Doctor having to get by without the TARDIS and the sonic, especially given how many new powers the latter was given last week.

The TARDIS was so extra this episode. Why was she playing Wild Blue Yonder as they arrived and left? I liked the anti-war discussion with Donna's teacher vs Wilf, echoed somewhat in the entities' experience of the universe, but I wonder if it'll have any further relevance.

The whole 'mavity' thing was very silly, but I also kind of liked it. Newton going for 'mavity' over gravity doesn't really make sense, given that gravity had an etymological reason to be called that - as my friend said, something like 'gravitude' or whatever would make more sense - but whatever. It was silly and kept making me laugh. I wonder if, as with the salt thing, there's an implication that messing with history might have a hand in summoning the Toymaker...

Oh, on the topic of Newton! Canon queer Fourteen! I like that the Doctor continues to be canonically queer now. I mean, my personal favourite Doctor headcanon is aro-ace all the way, but if I can't have that I'm overjoyed to have him think Newton is hot.

[purplelilachaze]

Sabrina Carpenter and Jenna Ortega's ff based on the MV of “Taste”

I.

My name is Sabrina Carpenter, and if anyone had told me my life would turn into a complicated melodrama, I probably would have laughed. But as it often happens, reality is stranger than fiction, and my story is proof of that.

It all started when David and I broke up. We had been together for almost two years, and I thought it was love—the kind of love that makes you forget who you are and believe that every day will be perfect. But things changed slowly. Or maybe not so slowly; I just didn’t realize it until it was too late.

David was charming, with a smile that could make you forget the world, but he also had a certain restlessness in his eyes that I never really understood. I realized that our lives were heading in different directions, but I never imagined that one of those directions would lead straight to Jenna Ortega.

Jenna was… different. In every way that I wasn’t. Confident, bold, with an energy that drew people to her like bees to honey. When I found out they were together, the pain was like a punch to the gut. But soon, the pain gave way to anger, and that anger grew every time I saw them together. Jenna wasn’t just David’s new girlfriend. She was a rival, an enemy. And I was determined to take back what was mine.

II.

I was sitting at the bar, sipping a cocktail and trying to ignore the music that was too loud. And then I saw them—David and Jenna, in a corner of the club, laughing and dancing like they were the only people in the world.

"I can't believe this," I muttered to myself, gripping the glass so hard I thought it might break.

I decided to go over, not knowing exactly what to say, but sure that something would come out.

"David," I called out, raising my voice to be heard over the music. "Can we talk?"

David looked at me in surprise, then annoyance. "Sabrina, this isn't the time…"

"It's never the time, is it?" I interrupted, as Jenna stared at me with a contemptuous look.

"What do you want, Sabrina?" she asked, stepping between me and David like a barrier.

"I want to talk to him, Jenna," I said, trying to keep my composure. "Not everything is about you."

"Oh, really?" she shot back. "Because it seems like you're making a scene just to get attention."

That stung like a slap in the face. I realized how jealous I was and how much I was letting that jealousy consume me. But I didn't want to stop. I couldn’t.

"David, just tell me one thing," I said, ignoring Jenna. "Are you happy? Are you really happy?"

David hesitated, looking first at me, then at Jenna. "Yes, Sabrina. I’m happy."

Those words hit me harder than I wanted to admit. I said nothing more, turned on my heel, and left, feeling Jenna's eyes still burning into my back.

III.

I didn’t expect to run into Jenna again, at least not so soon, but fate had other plans. I was at home, trying to focus on a new song when I heard a knock at the door.

I opened it and found her there, standing with a tense expression on her face.

"Jenna? What are you doing here?" I asked, confused.

"We need to talk," she said simply, pushing past me to get inside.

I closed the door, surprised by her intrusion. "Okay, let’s talk. What’s this about?"

Jenna looked at me intently. "It’s about David. He’s had an accident. He’s in the hospital."

My heart sank. "What happened?"

"He fell… hit his head," she explained, and for the first time, I saw her steel gaze melt into genuine sadness. "It’s my fault."

Her confession left me speechless. "What do you mean, it’s your fault?"

"We were together," she continued, her voice breaking. "We were arguing about you, and I lost control… I pushed him. He fell and hit his head. I didn’t mean to…"

I stood frozen, trying to process her words. "Oh my God, Jenna…"

"I know," she said, tears streaming down her face. "And now he’s in a coma. I don’t know if he’ll ever wake up."

I felt a tightness in my chest. Despite everything, I never wanted something like this to happen. I moved closer to her, instinctively, and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Jenna, I… I’m sorry," I said, and for the first time, I truly meant it. "This wasn’t supposed to happen."

She broke down in tears, and without thinking, I hugged her. In that moment, all the anger and resentment I had felt toward her dissolved. We were two broken people, torn apart by a series of mistakes and misunderstandings. And as I held her in my arms, I realized there was a connection between us, something that went beyond David, beyond jealousy and competition.

IV.

( One year later. )

I don’t know exactly how we got to this point, but Jenna and I are now inseparable. After David’s accident, we spent a lot of time together, comforting each other and trying to move on. It was a slow process, but eventually, we realized that there was something special between us. Something we had never felt with anyone else.

Jenna was my safe haven, the person with whom I could be myself without any masks. And I was the same for her. We never looked back, and we don’t regret anything. In the end, the tragedy brought us together in a way neither of us could have ever predicted.

Life is strange like that. It takes you to places you never imagined, but sometimes those places are exactly where you need to be.

[micedcoffee]

Thrice!!! I denied him!

(under the cut again... sorry about. my words... <3)

The tiny tiny part of the tournament montage where they’re in the sword ring and Wat’s flicking water at Will as he collapses into his corner out of breath. That’s gay sex

Very cool (at Kate’s introduction) how women-being-blacksmiths is like possibly the ONLY historically accurate part of this movie. Cheers to that. Kinda shaky on like.. other stuff. But hey! Cheers!

C CAT’S MEAT????? Hello?????

“… Will, you aim too high”/“If there’s another way to aim I don’t know it” — more weird knight feelings thanks

Chaucer holding Will’s head as he whispers seductive phrases in his ear THAT HE SHOULD USE ON JOCELYN NOT. Not for any other reason. That’s also gay sex

Insane of this movie to have Adhemar unironically judging Will on his “antique” armor but ~deftly~ swerving direct confrontation by saying “how stylish.” Insane. Is this. Is this real

Nothing compared to Chaucer’s first lance-intro for Will. Stunning. It makes me think things like. Is this real?

Also, is the enunciated “the pride, the privilege—nay, the pleasure…” a reference to the emphasis on alliterative poetics in the time period/place? If so, cool! I love knowing things

The fact that Will is willing to risk his eyes by not tilting his head/helmet at the last second to protect them so he can maintain target… and his “style—rudimentary.” I’m feelings

Will’s sparing the injured “Coleville” is on the one hand giving me more knightfeelings but. He would advance if he beat him (which would be mean since “Coleville” is hurt) but he advances with the draw anyway? He sacrifices nothing with his “mercy…” I have Thoughts. I have thoughts! I’m thinking!!!

“You may feel like a poet, but you sound like an idiot” NEVER FUCKING MIND I have feelings again. I have FEELINGS he’s just like me fr

Jocelyn’s hair tied up with the. With the bits all over the place and the bright yellow gown with the long flowing sleeves and the gold chain bits around her cleavage area. Thinking things

The flashback scene. Where little Will says confidently he’ll be a knight and his dad says that he can do it. I’m having feelings. Don’t look at me

“You have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting” lives in my head rent free as a phrase. What a killer line

THE TEACHING WILL TO DANCE SCENE. GOD. THIS MOVIE IS THE BEST I SWEAR !!!

I will say my enjoyment of that scene is mitigated by Kate teaching him to dance better than Chaucer can because she knows better because it’s womanly to know how to dance or whatever. Ugh

The real-life dance scene (with the beginning in the super formal medieval old-time style and then David Bowie starts playing and they all gradually start freaking it) is still great. It’s the worst and the weirdest dancing ever. It’s such bliss to watch

The literal Nike swish as the mark of Kate’s trade. Insane

“His people starve while he sits at banquet” — more feelings. When I fenced I always performed way better if I was fencing either a genuine asshole or a person I thought was an asshole. It’s a simple way to deliver “justice” but. I really thought I was making a difference. That’s pathetic and stupid but also…? Agh, I dunno. I just watched this movie a lot as a kid and Will rubbed off on me I guess

The fact that the crowd recognizes Edward, Black Prince of Wales when he removes his helmet is unrealistic as fuck. They didn’t even know basic math

The ultra-ultra-dumbed-down “feminism” (see: “Better a silly girl with a flower than a silly boy with a horse and a stick”) is so cringe. Please stop. Please

The love letter written amongst peers is cute… there are aspects that are cringe and all but cute… it’s just. A little shaken box of the things these people have thought of or that people have said to them that made them happy. And they’re doing it together. I’m normal

The importance of names is like. A very significant aspect of this I think. “Ulrich” is fake. “Coleville” is fake. “Jocelyn” keeps her name secret until she’s willing to trust Will. And Will is sad that he can’t sign the letter his real name; that he has to use his fake one instead. It’s very very Me lads. It’s Me. It’s m— *gunshot*

Jocelyn kissing Will through Wat and making Wat and Will kiss. I know it’s like a basic homophobic joke. But need I say— *gunshot*

Chaucer actually speaks French whereas the rest of the cadre don’t. It’s probably a sign of education status I guess? Interesting though how in this time period the French and the English HATED each other but like. They were the same, too

??? Wait Wat calls that French guy in the pub “Quasimodo” but. Víctor Hugo was like. Five or so hundred odd YEARS from being BORN much less writing Hunchback. Was Hugo referencing something else or—?

Jocelyn and Will are the MOST cringeworthy hetero-trained-toxic nonsense. Cringe. Cringe. Cringe

“Contradict[ing] [his] self-love” as Jocelyn’s demand is. Red-flag behavior. MASSIVE red-flag behavior

Her insistence that he lose the tournament to prove his love for her instead of winning DOES counter my previous skepticism of the “mercy” he shows “Coleville” but. It’s complicated… like. YES it’s a mark of honor to be able and willing to make sacrifices, but she doesn’t know what he’s got on the line. How much losing would cost him… He should be willing to sacrifice, but so should she, and they should. I dunno they should just look out for each other, man!! They should want the other to be happy and fulfilled because they love the other more than anything, and both should do that for each other. That’s what makes love so magical I think! And it doesn’t necessarily contradict “self-love”

Okay on a less serious note. The vice used for correcting Will’s arm injury. Where Wat taunts him as he winds the crank and Will screams in pain as his bone is put back in place but it hurts so bad and he’s bound in the vice with leather straps etc. M my. My sex feelings. My sex feelings. This could be where it began… ESPECIALLY with the: “William, that’s blasphemous” *winds crank* *Will screams in agony* OUGHHHHHHHH

The fucking. Helmet that goes flying for the seated audience to catch in the stands. Like a goddamn baseball. I love this movie

Okay that’s it for 3 but!! There’ll be more to come! Betcher bottom dollar! *gunshot*

A Knight’s Tale (pt. 1)

Listen I’m. I’m WEIRD about this movie okay?? I’m weird!!! To avoid giving my loved ones a direct play-by-play I’m here. Giving you guys a play-by-play. Because I can’t just keep it inside you know?? I’ll blow up or something!!

The uncertainty Will shows in his adjustment of the armor and the moment on the tilt when he struggles to position the lance right under his arm MIXED WITH the insistence that he’s “waited [his] whole life for this moment.” I dunno!! It just—I guess for me it really speaks to the Young Me idealizing chivalry and courage and honor and etc. and whatnot and being always unsure whether I could really live up to… it? Of course that’d be before I knew that wasn’t really real. Knighthood was always a dream for dreams, I guess. A real fairytale. An untruth within untruths… all the way down? I SHOULD just leave it behind but… it gets meee, you know? It gets me!! It gets at this feeling in my heart and—arghrghaghrgghhhhhhhhhh

The score is fucking incredible. The lord who hosts the first tournament mouthing along to “rock you” in Queen’s “We Will Rock You” in the most stately/dignified way he can muster. Cinematic gold

AGAIN with Will’s. Bravery and misplaced certainty. It’s naive. It’s frustratingly stupid. But “We could do this. We could be champions.” I !! I want to believe!!!!!

Also contrast that with Roland’s desire for home and Wat’s for food (and the certainty of food) and the fact that Will’s “glory” will get in the way… thinking. I’m THINKING

“Most of it is the guts to take a blow—to strike one. Guts I have!” OUGHHHHHHHHH

OUGHHHH “That [pointing at a hanged man] is nothing. And nothing is right where glory’ll take us”

I’m normal about this lads I’m so normal!!! I’m normal

“God love you, William”/“I know, I know. No-one else will” is on the level of “I’ll take care of you”/“It’s rotten work”/“Not to me. Not if it’s you”

OKAY less than 15 minutes in BUT I’m tired SO I’m going to sleep. BUT YOU’LL HEAR MORE OF MY MASTURBATORY ANALYSIS BELIEVE YOU ME!!!!!!! MWAH!!!

[basiltonpitch]

Devi vs. David: aka a comprehensive list of every single time ben gross has referred to devi as one or the other (season three edition)

here it is, the post you all have been waiting for! first off, if you missed them, please check out parts one and two where i talk about ben's use of devi vs. david in seasons one and two. and once again, this is just a list documenting every single instance in season three where ben refers to her as either devi or david with context + insight. i am making this mostly for my own purposes. also, some of the netflix captions are incorrect for this season (for example in 3x05 when he sees her at the coffeehouse for the first time) so if the font looks different on some of the screencaps, it's because i captioned them myself.

let's get started.

the first instance in season 3 we see him refer to her at all, it’s as david; the first instance in season 1 was also a david, but this time instead of being used as a mark of rivalry, it is used as a mark of friendship. we see ben use david a lot this season, during what i affectionately refer to as the benvi besties era. but here, in this instance, it isn’t just used to establish their friendship. i mean, it sort of is i guess, but in two separate directions: the first being towards devi, and the second towards ben himself. setting those boundaries in his head, so to speak, because this is right after she tells him things are going great with paxton.

another friendship david! i really love how they interact in this scene: he’s being so genuine when he says this, and her lil smile afterwards? priceless. the way he uses david as a term of endearment will never get old to me.

obviously devi isn’t present in this scene, so it makes sense he doesn’t refer to her as david, but i just wanna point out that ben is a liar liar pants on fire!! while yes, ben and devi are solidly friends, he is still obviously harboring feelings for her. even his own girlfriend can see that. he is so quick to assure aneesa that he does not still have feelings for devi, but the way he talks about her here (insulting, but also sounding so fond, literally ben and devi’s love language!) and even like directly referencing what her freaking backpack looks like (because he notices everything about her, he can’t not notice her) like…dude. you are not making a good case for yourself.

also, this is not particularly relevant because, again, she isn't in this scene, but i still want to make the observation just like i did in part two that ben has never called her david around aneesa. there is no way this isn’t intentional. he calls her david in front of the rest of their friends, but if aneesa is present, it’s devi or nothing at all.

continuing the trend of ben referring to her as david as a term of endearment / mark of friendship. there was no reason for him to put david in the text; he could have left it at “Holy shit! Did you do this?” and the message would still have come across. but he wants to add that extra layer to it, that extra oomph by referring to her as something that is just for them. just for their friendship. something special they have that no one else does. (also ben for fucks sake stop texting the love of your life for like two fucking seconds and pay attention to your actual girlfriend. jesus christ.)

this is the first time he refers to her post-time skip - not that that really matters, i just wanted to point it out. ben is, as he says, four beers deep at this point, and they’re in the presence of friends. it just makes sense for the nickname to slip out. eleanor and fab also make no remarks about it (eleanor didn’t in the 3x02 troll shenanigans instance, either, pre-time skip), so they know it’s harmless.

okay so in this one, the netflix captions are actually wrong — the captions say devi but ben very clearly says david, so i captioned this one myself. anyways. i just want to point out. benjamin. came to the coffeehouse. just because he heard devi say she was going to kiss someone there. you are not slick, dude. anyways. “Are you the charity we’re raising money for tonight?” is a callback to 2x05, obviously: “Well, this is a charity event, and you are, after all, a charity case.” banter. classic benvi banter. this isn’t a friendship david, even though they are friends. and the thing is, ben knows why he’s here. he’s not delusional; i don’t think he walked into the coffeehouse expecting for devi to kiss him. he was hopeful, maybe. but using david in a more teasing context as opposed to a term of endearment here, once again, sets those boundaries in his head. it’s never just as simple as whether he says david or devi; it’s also the tone he uses, how he says it.

condescending king!!! okay no but for real. he uses devi here to exaggerate — i mean, he literally just called her david not even two minutes prior. it’s not a real dig at her, not a real insult, and she knows that. and honestly, i think he’s using their banter in this episode as some sort of armor, because he knows he wants to kiss her, and knows that he’s not going to, so it’s just…easier to be a dick. he keeps his guard up that way. yeah, he flirts by being an asshole, too, and while this episode does have flirty vibes (let’s be real they both wanted to kiss each other the whole damn time), i think ben is just mostly on the defense. especially after that “Don’t fall for a friend,” comment he makes to aneesa later on in the episode. (also, this is the first time this season he refers to her as devi to her face — the only other time so far he’s called her devi was when he was attempting to assure aneesa he didn’t have feelings for devi anymore.)

really just reiterating a lot of what i said about the first instance of david during the coffeehouse. trying to make light of the situation, because really, we know he’s already jealous of whoever it is she’ll be kissing tonight, and he knows it’s not gonna be him. 

more condescending ben! keeping up with the david here, same reasons as above, except it’s his second sentence here i really wanna talk about: “Most guys at drama club events are either dragged here by their girlfriends or are looking for boyfriends.” like WOW okay first of all, way to stereotype, but ALSO, i’m 100% convinced he said that because, you know, he doesn’t want her kissing anyone else. 

this just feels like such a soft moment for me. this is right before 3x06, which is the episode ben decides to finally start to try moving on, but really, i think he started thinking about it in this episode, right at this moment. this “good night, devi,” almost reads like a “goodbye” to me -- not a real one, obviously, but a goodbye to the hopes he might have had for rekindling their romance. he’s going to keep on loving her (he can’t not love her), but he’s done letting himself be miserable about it.

"...would’ve been the end of our journey together.”

ok once again it is obvious he does not refer to her as david when she is not present + even if he did it would not be to paxton but anyways. what i wanna talk about here is how ben has moved on from the cheating incident. i don’t think he’s like, fully 100% over it obviously,  and he’s def not over her, but so casually referencing it to devi’s other ex-boyfriend and there not being a hint of malice towards her in his voice? at this point it’s been probably about a year and a half, give or take, since the two-timing. yes, she broke his heart, but he’s had time to move past that aspect of it. and you could argue that he casually references it because in this scene he’s in one of the most embarrassing situations he’s ever been in and is trying to make light of the situation, but i think it’s more than that. he’s accepted that devi made a big fucking mistake. he’s moved on from it. not from her, not really, but from what she did to him.

okay, yes, this comment comes across as sort of asshole-ish on the surface, but honestly? this is one if the nicest, most genuine things ben has said to her all season. i’m not even kidding when i say that. here, samberg directly says “This would normally prompt a twinge of jealousy in Ben, but if last night taught him anything, it was that he needed to let go of whatever caused him pain.” and like yeah okay comparing devi to the literal shit that was stuck in his gastrointestinal tract is….not great, but i see where he’s coming from. ben is making the conscious decision to stop hopelessly pining after devi. obviously, those feelings are still there, they are not going away just because he’s decided to start moving on. but he’s at peace now with the fact that they missed their chance (or so he thinks). david, once again, used as a mark of friendship. this is ben’s way of saying, “I hope this works out for you, friend. You deserve to be happy.”

"...Don’t be insufferable about this, but you may have been right to think that we can win.”

okay, real quick, can we talk about how chill ben was with the possibility of losing? season two ben could never. ANYWAYS. of course he has to at least sort of be a dick (“Don’t be insufferable about this…”) but he genuinely means it. it’s a praise and an encouragement wrapped into one (up until the paralegals and faux-jeopardy computer stroll in) because they’ve been doing so well during the tournament. he has faith in her. david being used to get her attention here before he gives her that praise makes it come across even more genuine, i think, because this is ben we are talking about here and, again, david is a term of endearment for them!

"...if you aren’t too busy making demented faces into your phone.”

BANTER like yes ok he’s genuinely annoyed here. but. this whole scene just oozes besties banter. don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a friendship david. it reads very close to their s1 enemies back-and-forth but there’s also that extra layer underneath, laced with the littlest bit of affection, because he doesn’t hate her like he did back then. (also, they’re working on a project together instead of competing for the best in class. season 1 pre-model un benvi could never.)

he's trying to soften the blow of what he’s about to tell her about rhyah and des; obviously it doesn’t really work, because she still flips out on him lol, but he tries. he doesn’t even banter back when she tells him that his outfit is ugly. he’s heartbroken that he has to tell her this. he wanted so badly for this to work out for her. for her to be happy. but he has to do right by her, has to tell her because she deserves to know the truth. uses david to soften the sharpness of that truth. 

david once again being used in a friendly context; his tone here is softening from the petty banter they had just been engaging in. telling her it’s “dumb not to go,” using david in the middle of that sentence for emphasis, but somehow he’s still not coming across as a dick here. he knows how impactful it would be for her to go, and tells her as much. but…

cut me in half. throw me off a cliff. i may never emotionally recover from this. ben being so vulnerable here, probably the second most vulnerable we’ve ever seen him (the first being 3x06 with his father). telling her he doesn’t want her to go, that he’ll miss her, because he wants her in his life. even if they aren’t together. even if they never become anything more than friends again. he likes having her around. wants to keep her around. and he isn’t afraid to say it anymore. david here being used to, once again, establish that closeness between them, that closeness to his best friend (even if it’s never actually stated that she is his best friend, she is, she is). david being used because this is just them, just for them, words that cannot be left unsaid.

[ingravinoveritas]

The fact Michael put hands on David in the office writing scene and proceeded to say he would have 'torn David to shreds in seconds' whilst in feral Sheen mode *yer, I dont think anyone thought of them fighting when he said that*. I mean I know most of staged is scripted/directed by Simon but oh man, my brain stopped working for a bit. Also the Damsel in the tower (David forever the pretty princess) and the big spoon dialogue made me laugh so much.

Hello, Anons! Thank you for writing in to share your favorite bits of Staged with me. I’ve had a few other Anons write in to share their opinion of the show overall, but I wanted to group these together since they’re referencing specific moments in the episodes.

Anon #1: I caught that moment in episode 4, too. Here’s the visual, for those who haven’t seen it yet:

What was so interesting to me is that there were two specific instances in this season where Michael and David very deliberately enter into each other’s physical spaces/touch each other, seemingly without prompting. This was one, and then the scene where David touches Michael’s arm that Anon #3 mentioned is the other:

We could sit here all day and discuss what was scripted vs. what wasn’t, and whether Simon wrote these little moments of contact into the script, but my immediate gut feeling is that he didn’t. It’s one thing to write the words on the page, but Michael and David are the ones who bring those words to life and imbue the situations in the show with their own chemistry and connection. And it seems to be their natural instinct to be in each other’s space and to touch.

I think we sometimes forget how important touch is to human beings. It can be a way of grounding someone, of saying, “It’s okay. You’re okay. I’m here for you” when a person is having a crisis or a difficult time in general. Depriving someone of touch who needs it can also be tremendously harmful, mentally and emotionally, so I found it very lovely to see Michael and David giving that to each other so freely. (We got a hint of that from the hug at the NTAs last year, but this seemed to be even greater confirmation.)

I also thought it was very interesting that, of everyone in the third season, Michael had the most on screen physical contact with David, and the married vibes between them were played up so strongly. David seemed to be physical in equal measure with Georgia and Michael, but for Michael, those intimate touches only came from David. And the “old married couple” line completely fits with Georgia repeatedly calling Michael David’s “other wife” in real life.

...Which leads me to the moment you mentioned, Anon #2. I was entirely entertained by this scene at the beginning of episode 5, with Michael and David eviscerating each other’s careers, albeit quite playfully. It actually reminded me of a very similar scene in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, where Matt Damon and Ben Affleck do the same thing, re: each other’s careers. (If you haven’t seen it, you can watch that scene here starting at the 2:00 mark.)

The difference is that with Matt and Ben, it noticeably has the feeling of two best friends taking the piss out of each other, but with Michael and David, it very much comes across as that “old married couple” vibe instead. It’s playful teasing underpinned with so much love and affection and something...more than what we see with Ben and Matt, especially with how Michael laughs. Difficult to say whether it was improvised,  but I absolutely believe Michael’s laugh and David being pleased at making Michael laugh were both genuine. 

So many choices were made in this season (the “damsel in the tower” line gets me too, because I swear that is right out of an MS/DT fanfic I once read). The “big spoon” question nearly knocked me out of my seat, too, particularly because a) They answered it; and b) The response wasn’t something like, “Oh, I’d have to ask Georgia about that” but rather Michael and David answering without hesitation, thereby heavily implying that they have, in fact, spooned with each other. Amazing.

I appreciate you all sharing your favorite moments with me, and getting to talk about them definitely made me smile. (Also, Anon #3, if you need a link to watch Staged season 3, please DM me and I can help you out there.) Thanks for writing in! x

[fuckyeahgoodomens]

Ineffable Con 2020 Fun Facts

Fun facts from the Ineffable Con 2 (2020) guest panels :): 

Neil Gaiman, Douglas Mackinnon and Rob Wilkins

David G. Arnold (the music composer)

Claire Anderson (the costume designer)

Peter Anderson (Peter Anderson Studio created the opening title animation and in-show graphics)

Paul Adeyefa (Disposable Demon)

Jeremy Marshall-Roberts (the owner of Mary the Bentley)

1. Neil Gaiman, Douglas Mackinnon and Rob Wilkins

What do they have from Good Omens:

Rob has the statue from St. Beryls, all four motorbikes from the four horsemen, Crowley’s Devon watch, box signed by David Tennant with Crowley’s sunglasses and Aziraphale’s cocoa mug with Michael Sheen’s DNA :).

Douglas has the playing cards from Episode 1 and heavily annotated Good Omens book they used for filming with inscription by Neil: ‘For Douglas, make us love, make us cry, 3rd August 2017’.

Neil has Aziraphale’s chair from the bookshop that he bought from the BBC and he uses it for Zoom meetings.

What is their favourite thing that was not in the book and was added to the TV show:

Neil: all of the first half of Episode 3 - an absolute joy.

Rob: also the beginning of Episode 3.

Douglas: David Arnold’s music and Peter Anderson’s front titles.

Could Aziraphale get out of the Bastille easily if he wanted to?

Neil: if he could: absolutely. Did he have any conception of the mess he was in: probably not. It’s one of Neil’s favourite pieces of acting - the absolute delight on Aziraphale’s face when he realizes that Crowley’s there and then he turns around and rather petulantly, grumpily goes oh it’s you - that moment of joy on Aziraphale’s face when he realizes that he’s been rescued is one of Neil’s favourite things. 

Neil and yoghurt starter: I had this slightly mad thing where I would explain to everybody that fans were yoghurt starter. And I said, ‘Basically you start out with yoghurt starter and you put it into your warm milk and you leave it, and the yoghurt starter goes off and turns the entire thing into yoghurt. 

Neil realized that there was a cat in his house (Neil doesn’t have a cat :)). After the panel Neil said that he was going to look for the cat with a can of sardines and Douglas joked that he would find Michael Sheen in a cat costume.

What was the best and worst about making the series:

Douglas: the best - the camaraderie, getting to know the people, the cast and crew. 

Rob: the best - realizing that the book could be translated to the screen and watching it happen. The worst - coming to the end of the shoot and saying goodbye to everybody.

Neil: the best - the amount of love from everybody, the worst - fighting budget battles (producers wanted gone all of the cold opening and the death of Agnes Nutter).

Did they expect that Good Omens would attract so many LBGTQ+ people and how they feel about that:

Neil: Yes, absolutely. There are definitely people out there who seem to think that I accidentally wrote a love story with all of the beats of a love story including a break-up halfway through, without somehow noticing that I’d written a love story. And I may not be the brightest candle on the candelabra, but as an author who’s been doing it for a long time, I’m very well aware of when I’m writing a love story, thank you very much. And so from my perspective I knew that the love story would be one of the driving things that would get us from the beginning to the end. And I also made a bunch of decisions about our angels and our demons in terms of casting, in terms of gender that everybody backed me up on, which I loved. You know, the idea that the archangel Michael is played by Doon [Mackichan] is something that is... or Beelzebub is Anna Maxwell Martin, whatever, there’s... it’s not like we are going: these are women, there are men, we are going: these are demons, these are angels. They... this is not a thing. And also doing something like Pollution, where you go in and go: okay  well if we were doing this in... if 1989 was now, if there were they pronouns, we probably would have done that. We didn’t think of it at the time but that’s no reason why we can’t do it now. And we did and I remember having a... not exactly a battle, but a... my very tiny skirmish with one of our execs who was very nice and very bright and was like: ‘Why are you saying they?’, and I’m like... and I... explaining, and he’s like: ‘Well I’ve never heard of that before.’, and I’m like: ‘Oh, okay, but trust me, just trust me, it’s all fine, just trust me.’

Douglas: And you know I have to say, just following on what Neil’s saying, I’ve been directing for quite a while, and I tend to notice if characters are falling in love, I tend to notice a love story happening in front of me, and I think it’s there, and everything is meant, guys, everything is meant.

Neil added: I would just say, there are some things that you do while you’re writing a script intentionally. The fact that... I wanted to do this, well, it was a thing I did that I really enjoyed doing... where whenever people accuse them of being a couple: they don’t deny it, they don’t argue, there’s no flustering on their part. They absolutely… you know, everybody… what I’m trying to say is:  yes, other people in the story are perceiving them as a couple too. And here is Uriel perceiving them as a couple, here is wonderful Dan [Starkey, playing the passerby] …and you know, you do scenes like that because that’s... you are trying to make a point here and you’re trying to make a point on how people are perceived.

Season 2, yes or no [fiends, all three of them!]:

Douglas: What’s that?

Neil: Of what?

Rob: Is it muted for me as is for everyone else?

Neil confirmed that they are going to be Funko Pops. [yay!]

2. David G. Arnold (the music composer)

He didn’t read the book before he was approached to do the music. He was asked to do it by Douglas Mackinnon he knew from the Victorian episode of Sherlock and he said yes before even knowing what it was about because he wanted to work with Douglas again.  

The first piece of music he wrote for the show was the brass band doing the Lazing on a Sunday Afternoon [Episode 6, in the park before the kidnapping].

The second piece of music he wrote was the lullaby that Crowley sings to Warlock. He always liked the lullabies like in Mary Poppins so he said to Neil: Why don’t we do it like Walt Disney, but if Walt Disney was possessed by Satan? That was about 7 months before he needed to write anything again while they were shooting and it kept going round his head the whole time - the melody stuck with him and when it came to the Opening Title of the show, this became the middle bit.

The original opening title was Everyday by Buddy Holly and each episode was supposed to be closed with a different version of it: a death metal version, an angelic choir version, a carmina burana version... and he actually made all those. But he likes to find the musical identity of the show and put it in the opening titles because it’s important and it tells you: ‘This is the word you’re going to experience’, so he wrote his own opening title with the lullaby in the middle and played it to them [probably Neil and Douglas] with Buddy Holly as the backup and: Neil just turned around in his chair and said, ‘That’s Good Omens.’. From that point the instructions were with no rules, just to create whatever he wanted: the further you can go the better, the weirder and the stranger you can think the better. It’s a rare thing to be shown a world like Good Omens and be let free to run around in it. 

His favourite ending title is the Queen one in Episode 1.

One of the reasons he didn’t do a theme for Crowley and a theme for Aziraphale is that the theme of the show is theirs - it’s theirs and they share it and it’s both of theirs and there is no separating in that regard. 

About Aziraphale and Crowley’s relationship reflected in the music score: It’s interesting isn’t it, because the relationship changed in a way slightly frequently and majorly infrequently. It seemed right from the start that their relationship was somehow seeded and planted and had begun by the time we saw them even though they may not have realised it themselves, you know, with the pair of them on the wall, considering one is a demon in the Garden of Eden and one is an angel. They act very charitably towards each other and they act with a lot of things you might not expect. And underneath that there is a sort of sense of togetherness and support even though they both know that their paths are going to diverge and they have different responsibilities. So I always felt like, right from that moment, when the wing came up on the wall, that there was something special about their relationship. Three moments that stuck with him: in Episode 3 saving the books in the church when they completely rely on the other for survival in the way that they were very open about, one in the car outside the nightclub in 60s Soho - the Holy Water, you go too fast for me, that genuinely tearing, that there was reluctance in those words that he spoke and that sort of things as a composer is gold, it’s about making those moments more, and in the last episode in a scene they’re not event in when we see Adam and Dog in the fields and Anathema that music there which celebrates Crowley and Aziraphale’s music which is the theme of the show - their shadow has passed over everyone’s emotional journey, and everyone’s emotional journey is theirs as well. The argument in the bandstand was important as well.

His favourite leitmotif from the series is the lullaby.

About the scene in the car in episode 2 when Thomas Tallis changes into Queen: Terry’s favourite piece of classical music was the Thomas Tallis piece [Spem in Alium] so Neil asked if they can go from Thomas Tallis - a choral piece from 16th century - to We Will Rock You, and: ‘You never say no. You don’t say that you can’t do it. What you have to do is to be the first person who solves the problem.’ In the end it was a two-days work just for this little bit and he mentioned that he never had these sorts of challenges anywhere else before.

His favourite non-musical detail in the show - the crucifixion, how the scene was shot, how it was upsetting, and how it was made more effective by Aziraphale and Crowley’s inability to stop it, that they had to observe and watch it, that it had to happen. I remember seeing that at the time and thinking, I wasn’t expecting that level of brutal honesty, in terms of the pictures that I was looking at and what they chose to show. And I think all the more effective for it. 

3. Claire Anderson (the costume designer)

When creating the costumes for the characters she started with mood boards. 

Aziraphale - she knew that he needed to have something winglike in his collar so that’s why there are sweeping lapels very often. Using velvet [for the waistcoat] because that was nice and soft and had all the appropriate qualities. His watch and fob that has little gold wings hanging from it and other tiny bits of symbolism. Tartan bow tie. Beautiful cashmere checkered trousers - not quite tartan but a nod to it. A mid to late Victorian coat, Michael only made his decision on the coat a couple of days before the filming. Aziraphale in the present settled on a ring with angelic symbol and harp cufflinks, earlier his ring in ancient times has got a much more roughly hewn set of wings on it, so before jewellery making became sophisticated he modernised slightly - he magicked it up to be a bit more modern, more gentleman signet type of ring, but he never modernises entirely. His heart is much more in the past.

After they began to define Aziraphale they started to look at how the Heaven army of angels might look - the element of tartan came sort of from Aziraphale and the angels have a not-tartan kilt with a semi military type jacket and a military band across that might hold arms or not, because they are not really violent. She used spats to make them look quite neutral and genderless so hiding fastenings and concealing little details like that seemed a way to do that.

Gabriel doesn’t wear spats because he’s on Earth such a lot. His shoe has a cover with two buckles on the side giving the same neutral element. He wears a cashmere light-as-air suit.

The other angels are all in bastardized versions of what era they may have died in, so they could have died in the 1930s or the 1800s and the costume would have an element of that era about it - though of course as an angel you can change things.

The Quartermaster Angel - the costume is a combination of slightly Indian type military, maharaja pants, longer spats from another era, all combined pieces of military tailored to be magical and slightly nonsensical, as Heaven might be.

Crowley - she felt that he wrapped around like a snake sheds its skin so she wanted something double breasted because that seemed to envelope his snakey charm. David wanted to be more casual than wearing a suit. Under his collar he always has a flash of red like the snake that he comes from - the red belly. They put a red seam into the sole of his boots so always there is a hint of where he came from. The red tie in the blitz. He was more rock and roll than Aziraphale and modernised more to a snakehipped rock and roll star really. His present jacket - the fabric there is quilted, they found an 80s jacket that had elements of things they enjoyed - part of that was that it had a slightly quilted quality to the fabric which was like a textured snakeskin. It took quite a long time to create the fabric and then to make the jacket from that - they quilted some fabric and washed and whooshed it repeatedly to create a bit of puckering in it. He has a snakey scarf around his neck like a chain mail linked scales of skin scarf that he wore that complemented his neck chain. The trousers he wore in Victorian times are the same he wore in the 60s when he meets young Shadwell. His present trousers - slightly waxy denim - we just were looking for a slithery finish. Crowley’s neck chain - there is only one in the world - her tailor has a Gothic church full of interesting stuff like busts and drapes with old things, this chain mail scarf was there and David was looking for something to complete his costume and liked it. 

Hastur and Ligur are her favourite characters - they were so enjoyable to create. She had an amazing book of 1920s and 30s criminals and they used that as a starting point, because they were all quite worn out and bedraggled and poverty stricken and like hell might be ideally. They burnt and decayed the bottom of them as if they were rotting from the Earth and rotting back into the ground - all demons have sort of gators as if they were rotting from the ground up.

One of the most difficult things was the demons - when they realized they had a few days to create hundreds of demons in South Africa (4-5 days for almost 200 demons). It was as if I had been dissolved in holy water when they asked me for another 150 costumes.

The sleeves of Anathema’s coat have been inspired by a Victorian cycling coat. 

The historical costume that Newt’s ancestor wore influenced his and Shadwell’s costumes - they used elements of the historical costume to put a little cape on Newt and Shadwell and their wax coats to give them the quality of that look. Newt's costume has a lot of mustard to make him feel a bit awkward and uncomfortable - it's not the most flattering colour on a northern European complexion.

The nuns’ headdress needed to look a little bit demonic - she bought a whole book on nuns’ headdresses for research. They also used the V in the nurse's apron because that was nicely demonic. The nurses' watch has got this Satanic symbol at the top - a little take on the medical since old nurses’ uniforms used to have watches.

For Madame Tracy she went back into the 70s, slightly Biba-esque makeup and a cape. They had only one pair of her goggles so it was always a nightmare to find them.

Which part of the cold opening is her favourite: I love ancient Rome because there is at least 6 to 12 metre of fabric in a toga and that was quite fun wrapping that around the boys and creating those., and her favourite was the Globe.

The lapels represent wings in every way and every shape and every form. Wings are very important.

4. Peter Anderson (Peter Anderson Studio created the opening title animation and in-show graphics)

The first thing that the director Douglas Mackinnon (with whom he worked on Doctor Who and Sherlock) said to him was: for all the graphics, for all the title sequence, for everything, I want you to promise me one thing, and that is very, very simple, promise that you send me emails that say: ‘this might be absolutely nuts, but my idea is...’.

The opening title it’s full of easter eggs - it’s a type of sequence that’s been designed to watch a thousand times, for example: on the escalator down to Hell there is one character running up deciding that he doesn’t want to go to Hell or the sea is full of plastic bags because we don’t look after the planet.

Every single face in the title sequence is either Crowley’s or Azriphale’s, they are repeated all the way through - inspired by Neil saying that there’s good and evil in all of us, so there is a grand procession of people of all the characters from the story - marching towards Armageddon - but all the characters have been taken over by good or evil. And along the way our two heroes are kind of playing tricks on each other, doing good, doing evil

The opening title combines multiple elements - two dimensional animation elements, three dimensional animation elements, CGI and live action (the people in the procession were created by live action on a travelator). So the result is a kind of strangeness - such as 3D figures with 2D animated tracked heads - which makes it unique.

Their first idea and version of the opening title was based on tapestries of old, subverting them, but then they wanted something more new and fresh.

Both Douglas and Neil were an important part of the opening title creation process.

The opening title sequence took about a year to make from the creative start with four intensive months towards the end.

One of things that inspired him was a Bauhaus theatre image from 1930s.

Question if the hand-drawn font for the graphics will be a purchasable font: no, because it was original and it’s unique and it was created just for this - it was for the love of the show and the story and it will be kept there.

In the scene where there are three photos of witchfinders - Neil and Douglas revealed in the DVD commentaries that two of them are their grandfathers - the third one is Peter’s great uncle.

Originally the signs telling us things like ‘Thursday’ or ‘Mesopotamia’ - were done as if somebody (who was living inside the television screen) ran up close to the screen and showed us the sign. In the end they simplified it, only showing the signs. The one time that it was sort of left in the show was when in Episode 5 a little demon in the video game shows a sign ‘GAME OVER’.

Outside of his work on it, what was his favourite thing on Good Omens: spending time with Douglas and Neil, and also working with Milk VFX - I think I can honestly say it's the best job I've ever worked on with the nicest people. 

5. Paul Adeyefa (Disposable Demon)

He first read the book when preparing for the audition - the character wasn’t in the book but he got into it, loved it and couldn’t put it down.

He didn’t know about the name Eric until the script was published and people started calling the demon that, he really likes the name and thinks it fits.

There was a version of the script where the demon was going to be dressed in different costumes each time he was discorporated (for example one in long hair wearing a dress) - they would be all the same but different incarnations, in one version they had different accents. 

The first scene he shot was the one where the demon goes to Heaven to deliver the Hellfire (and also wants to hit ‘Aziraphale’ which was cut). That first day was also his favourite moment of shooting because there was an immediate welcoming atmosphere and everyone was lovely and in love with the production.

Disposable Demon is like a permanent intern, running errands for the higher ups in Hell.

His favourite part of the costume were the eyelashes (though he loved the whole costume).

If he could change anything about the costume he would also want cool contact lenses - some brightly coloured ones.

Question what animal (like other demons have on their heads) comes to mind when we see the Disposable Demon: he didn’t think about it at the time, but later he saw people talking about his horns as bunny ears and found it interesting, and also the facts that there are so many of him and that he is quite happy and friendly for a demon so the bunny makes sense, so he might be a sort of a rabbit. Or perhaps something goat type because of the horns.

Question if there is another role in Good Omens he would have liked to have played: he always thought that the four horsemen were very cool and Pollution was his favourite so probably Pollution (also was the most jealous of Pollution’s contact lenses). 

If there were a season 2, he would be there in a heartbeat.

Question about Eric’s feelings on Crowley, if he’s a bit of a Crowley fan: I think he might be. There is something about Crowley and how he is somehow a little bit different from the rest of the demons. - and the Disposable Demon has, much like Crowley, interest in the human world. He could well be 6,000 how many years old, the same as everyone else, but he seems to have this younger vibe and I think he thinks that Crowley is quite cool.

Good Omens fandom is his first experience with a fandom of this scale. It speaks a lot, the fact that this kind of very, this minor character, a character who is only on screen for a very short amount of time gets any kind of attention at all, it's quite amazing really, it goes to show how big and enthusiastic the fans are. I never experienced anything like that.

6. Jeremy Marshall-Roberts (the owner of Mary the Bentley)

When Crowley used a miracle to switch off the Bentley lights in Episode 1 at nuns manor it was done by: there was actually a very small guy called Louis turning on and off the switches quickly.

David Tennant was allowed to wear the snake eye contacts for only 3 hours a day otherwise they could damage his eyesight.

For Mary, the Bentley, it was the second time she was ‘blown up’ on film - first being in the Endeavour with Inspector Morse about three years earlier.

He was a bit nervous during filming the bookshop fire scene because the Bentley was so close to a real fire - not wanting the paint to blister. The car was moved off after a few minutes of filming but still.

About the damage to Mary: Unfortunately, we overran, and Rob my stunt driver had already booked a holiday and off he went and so when he returned in January, on the 10th of January, I had this new driver who really had no clue how to drive old cars, so I showed him around, I showed him to go around corners. He came around the corner, the door was not closed properly for some reason and the door flew open as he went around. And instead of slamming on the brakes which is extremely efficient and would stop him straight away he kept on going, hit another car and really smashed the door quite badly. It did take the car off the roads for 10 months. The door was completely remade because of this accident and it cost the total of  £24 000 to rebuild the car to get it back to running as it is today.

The Bentley’s part most difficult to maintain and service is the engine. 

Would Mary be available for a potential season 2: definitely!

[spencersawkward]

i’m so happy ur on tumblr now!! i love between the lines so much, could you write a blurb or one shot about mgg and a younger co-star, but like very spicy if possible 🙃, idk i just love that scenario🥵.

i was literally about to write "omg i love this concept too!" and then i was like “well no fucking shit, sophi.” lol. YES i can 10/10 write you a one-shot with a similar scenario! also thank you for your kind words that was the first fic i ever wrote so it’s very near and dear to my heart!

summary: reader goes to a holiday party with her co-stars and best friend, Matthew... but all the fun happens in the dressing room.

content warnings: this one is quite dirty but i’m also proud of it lol. unprotected penetrative sex, oral (female receiving), degradation, use of the term “little girl,” creampie, age gap. dirty talk?

pairing: Fem!Reader/Matthew

word count: 4.7k

masterlist

"no."

"what do you mean, 'no’?” Matthew laughs, looking between me and the mirror.

"I look like the Ghost of Christmas Past." I lift up the soft white tulle of the dress, watching it float back down to settle over my skin. he's got his eyebrows raised and there's a smirk on his lips like he's holding back a laugh. I resist the urge to reach around and hit him.

"would you rather wear that?" he points to the punch-stained gown that's now laying pathetically over the back of the vanity chair. I genuinely ponder the idea for a moment.

"honestly, the crime scene vibes might work well with the theme of our show."

"seriously, it's not bad, Y/N!" he insists, drawing my attention back to the mirror.

"you're just saying that because you're the one who spilled on me and you don't want people making fun of how clumsy you are." I cross my arms over my chest. he gives me a dubious expression in our reflection on the wall.

"do I seem like I care about that?" he challenges.

"I--" the truth is that no, Matthew is not the type. Matthew is the kind of person to flounder in front of anyone and proceed to crack a joke about himself. he's humble. but I kind of like when we talk like this, our back and forth.

after a year of working together on the same show, he and I have grown incredibly close. I'm friends with all my co-stars, but he and I just have the natural friendship chemistry that makes me want to spend all my time with him. when we're not on set, we're hanging out on his couch or ordering dinner or driving out of town to check out wacky sites around California. we just have fun. pure, clean, honest fun.

of course, in my dreams it isn't pure or honest. frankly, there's a lot of sordid scandal to what goes on in my head when he accidentally touches my arm or brushes his fingers over mine. the amount of times I have gone to cast parties trying to work up the nerve to kiss him are embarrassing. he's older and more experienced and, obviously, he has no interest in me.

but that doesn't matter.

the only reason I'm standing in a dressing room alone with him is because he knew someone on the crew who could hook me up with a replacement for the night. he left while I slipped out of the old one and came back in only after knocking and checking, like, twice to make sure I was decent. he's so respectful that it's almost like he's afraid of making me think the wrong thing-- which makes me feel absolutely stupid for my almost schoolgirl crush.

"come on, you look great. let's go enjoy the party."

"was this a dress one of the victims was wearing?" I ask with a laugh.

"probably. not like we carry a lot of gowns on set." he grabs my hand, makes my heart leap into my throat. he only does it to urge me along, but it still feels intimate as I follow him out of the room, tossing one more evaluative glance at myself in the mirror. I seem terrified.

we continue to do our rounds at the party, Matthew filling my glass of eggnog even though I hate it. I wince and take a sip while we talk to some of our co-stars.

"what's wrong with you?" Shemar chuckles at my expression.

"lost a bet."

"with whom?" he glances between Matthew and me, knowing damn well already from the mischievous grin on the former's face.

"I told you not to take it." Matthew says over the rim of his glass.

"if you mention it one more time, I'm gonna throw up eggnog all over your outfit." I threaten him, but we're both smiling. Shemar frowns.

"what was the bet?"

"you know David-- the guy I was telling you about?" I reply quickly, determined to give my side of the story. Shemar nods; I told him last week when David oh-so-chivalrously danced up on me at a club and asked me out. usually in those situations, guys just want a one-night stand, so I was impressed and agreed. "anyway, Matthew said if it turned out that he was a weirdo, he would get to pick my drinks for the next week whenever we go out."

"your drinks? that's specific."

"she's so picky!" Matthew teases me.

"leave me alone, you dick!" I elbow him and he dodges just in time.

"tell him why he was a weirdo." he grins. the glare I give could kill. but Shemar is waiting expectantly for me to share the information, so I sigh and set my jaw before telling the truth.

"he collects antique dental tools."

"what?" Shemar laughs disbelievingly. I throw my hands up.

"I don't fucking know. we went back to his apartment and he showed me his whole collection."

"you're attracted to weird people, Y/N." Matthew says. I raise my eyebrows and almost say something that dooms me. I hold my tongue, however, and turn back to Shemar with a reserved smile.

"anyway, how are you?"

...

the cast holiday party is actually pretty fun. I tend to leave these functions early in favor of my couch and some ice cream, but something about the bright colors and the smell of wintergreen in the air makes me want to linger in the studio.

I stuff myself with sugar cookies and Matthew mercifully lets me switch from eggnog to Sprite. normally, I'd drink at such an occasion, but I'm a messy drunk and this is one of my first real jobs as an actress. I don't want to even come close to jeopardizing that by breaking some expensive equipment or something.

my throat gets a little sore from all the talking I do-- Paget and I spend about half an hour horribly belting out Christmas carols at the baby grand piano they brought in. they originally had someone hired to play it, but the guy disappeared about an hour ago.

by the time it hits around ten pm, my limbs are tired. I thought people would be leaving (a lot of them have families), but the party is still very much raging when I start to wind down. maybe it's because I'm sober.

"hey." Matthew sidles up next to me as I sit at the piano bench with a slice of lime in my mouth. I like to suck the juice out of them; sour things are my favorite.

"hi." I pluck the fruit out and drop it back into my soda. he sits next to me, his cologne filling my senses with the kind of sensual warmth that it shouldn't be making me feel. he always smells so good.

"ladylike." he gestures to the movement.

"is that why you call me 'princess?'" I smirk, half-joking.

"once-- I called you that once!" he defends. it's not a lie. he used the nickname when he was mocking me for my somewhat selective food preferences. it was sarcastic, but I wish it wasn't. something about the way he said it in the moment made me blush.

"is there a reason you've come to grate my nerves?" I raise an eyebrow and he turns away from me as he bites back a smile. I pout. "what?"

"you're talking like a Jane Austen novel."

"what's wrong with Jane Austen?" I defend, skin heating up. his proximity is doing things to me that it shouldn't.

"nothing," he glances at me before moving his gaze to the ivory keys. "do you play?"

"elementary level, sure." I giggle. he runs his fingers over them, never pressing down hard enough to release a sound. I'm entranced by the delicate nature of his actions, the veins and the curve of his fingertips, the sheer width of his hand. I think about it too much for it to be healthy.

"show me." it's a direct order, one that doesn't feel directive but still ends with me placing both hands on the piano and wracking my brain for something to play. I decide on a piece that Paget and I were doing earlier, "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas."

I've never been quite good at piano, and the nearness of his body is like an anvil on my fingers, but I play anyway. and it feels good. his eyes are on me, drawn to my tracings over the instrument as they press and lift and glide.

"sing." I tell him.

"no!" he protests. I don't stop playing, only now getting into the thick of the tune.

"oh, come on. just the chorus..." I plead, turning my head to beg. "please?"

I bat my lashes playfully, fully intending it as a joke, but Matthew softens a bit. for a fraction of a second, I think he looks at my mouth. he turns his head back to the piano and lets out a quiet "here we are as in olden days... happy golden days of yore..."

"there you go!" I egg him on, and he starts to get more into it. his voice is absolutely off-key; he's no singer, and somehow that makes him even more endearing to me.

Matthew has always been this flawless, intimidating figure in my mind. even when we first met, I was certain that he was hiding something because everything else about him is so... perfect. he's funny, sweet, genuinely kind, handsomer than hell. it didn't make sense. but knowing that he can't carry a tune makes me feel a bit better. it humanizes his beauty.

while he sings, I can't help looking at him. his side profile is even more enchanting; the curve of his features meeting a smooth elegance in his jaw and cheek, especially when his mouth is open. he catches me smiling at him and returns it with his own gleeful face, now totally fine with singing like a fool in front of everyone. nobody is even really looking at us-- they're several drinks in and lost in their own universe of drunken laughter.

there's something kind of magical about that, I think. we're sober. when the song draws to a close, I lift my fingers off the keys and into my lap.

"you're quite the Pavarotti." I joke.

"the who?" he furrows his brow with a smile.

"he's a famous opera singer."

"oh," he laughs, "thanks, Mozart."

I twist my face up as I hide my smile. this is also part of the reason I could never tell Matthew how I feel; we just fit together too well. he almost always gets my references and I understand his, even though there's an age gap between us. he's an old soul with a youthful heart.

"how's your night going?" I ask him softly, changing the subject. he sets his hands on his lap, absent-mindedly toying with his fingers. it's not a nervous tendency at all. he does it whenever we're on set.

"as of right now? pretty damn good." he replies with a smile. I get warm again at the implication. he doesn't mean it like that, but god, do I wish he did.

"very smooth." I compliment appreciatively.

"how about you?"

"it was kind of boring, but then this rando sat next to me and started singing Christmas songs and it got a little better." I say flatly, grabbing my glass off the top of the piano and running my fingertip over the rim. he drops his head in a giggle.

"you're something else."

"insult?" I clarify.

"definitely a compliment."

"I like compliments."

"well, I wasn't lying before. you look really beautiful in that dress."

"the murder dress?" I glance down at it to hide the absolute wideness of my eyes at his words. he's completely flustering me and I'm starting to find it hard to breathe. he said I look beautiful. not "pretty," not "great"-- beautiful.

"yes, the murder dress." he gets a little pink in his cheeks, and that makes me want to explode on the spot.

"well, say goodbye to it because I'm gonna go change back into my plebeian clothes," I stand from the piano bench. "it's past my bedtime."

Matthew looks up at me with an unreadable expression and I feel my heart flutter in my chest. I hate leaving him. "do you wanna come with me? like-- walk with me?"

"sure." he nods, stands, and follows behind. I can feel his presence like a delightful reminder of the emotions surging in my stomach. we wind through the crowd of party-goers until we end up back in the dressing room, away from the party. it's quiet.

Matthew walks in with me, carrying our drinks in his hand, and he's about to stroll back out so I can change when I touch his arm. the door shuts automatically behind him.

"wait," I swallow quickly. "can you unzip me?"

"oh." Matthew looks at me, then at the glasses in his arms, then at the vanity. he sets them down and comes back quickly, his frame behind me while his fingertips locate the little piece at the top of my gown. my breath hitches in my throat when he brushes over my spine by accident, one nail dragging accidentally against my skin as the fabric slowly gives way. I don't know if he hears it-- it's nearly imperceptible-- but he definitely hesitates once he reaches the place where my back starts to curve into my ass. he pauses, doesn't breathe until he reaches the end of the zipper.

"there you go." he mutters. his voice is a little more hoarse than usual, and he clears his throat as he steps away. I know he's going to back out. he's going to back out of the room and wait for me to slip into nothing and I know, somehow, that he's going to be thinking about how I look in here with my clothes off. he's going to wish he stayed.

and I'm going to wish he'd done more than stayed.

before I can lose my nerve and allow the moment to be swallowed up by practicality, I shrug the straps of the dress down my shoulders and let gravity take over. it drops to the floor, leaving me in only my bra and panties. I can sense him behind me; he's silent for a moment.

"Matthew." I say, the name sitting on my tongue like a sugar cube. perfectly formed, slowly dissolving.

"y-yeah?" he stutters for the first time since I've met him.

"are you looking at my ass right now?" I ask, still turned around. the way he's frozen in place tells me that I'm right.

"yeah." he admits.

"you can touch it, if you want." I murmur softly. part of me doesn't think this is real, the way each sentence leaves my throat like it's been pre-planned. truly, I don't understand how my brain is moving so quickly.

"are you... sure?" he's hesitant, but even I can taste the longing.

"yes."

his hand smooths over my butt, softly at first like he's still not believing his own eyes, before moving back to grab it. he squeezes the flesh, and a low exhale from him tells me that he's excited.

"do you want more?" my voice barely carries. my head is almost foggy from how good it is to have his grip on my body, even in such a simple way. I can feel myself getting wet.

"how much more?" his lips brush over my shoulder and I get goosebumps. my mouth opens and closes for a moment, searching for the right words.

"however much you want."

it's flint and steel, the way he sparks. the air literally leaves my lungs when Matthew grabs my hips and spins me around to face him. my lips part as I peer up at him, at the lust that now darkens those hazel eyes and the way he holds mine. his touch is certain. he pulls our bodies together, tilts my chin up to kiss me.

it's passionate, strong, the kind of kiss that causes me to lean back a bit just to receive the full force of his desire. but I return the affection easily, moaning into his mouth. I've never been held the way that Matthew holds me. like I'm made of sugar glass, like he wants desperately to feel the soft give of my skin and make a home of me.

the heat between our bodies is almost overwhelming, and I sigh when he subtly pushes our hips together. his erection is against my stomach.

"fuck." I mutter when I pull away for air. Matthew doesn't stop his perfect movements, though, tugging my earlobe between his teeth and starting to leave love bites up my skin and over my shoulder. he chuckles against my throat. I shiver.

"you alright, little girl?" he asks.

"just--" I let out a moan at the sensation of his fingers exploring my bare waist. he reaches behind me to unclasp my bra. "just surprised."

"about?" he slides the straps down my shoulders and looks me in the eye. the lack of physical contact makes me whine.

"that you want me."

"how is that surprising?" he smiles, using one index finger to guide me to look at him.

"you don't seem like it."

Matthew raises his eyebrows as if I'm a crazy person. truly dumbstruck. "what?"

"you-- well, I don't know." I frown, but Matthew takes my hand and moves it over his torso until my palm is resting over the considerable bulge in his pants.

"is this enough proof?"

I struggle for words, sputtering. "yeah-- yeah, it is."

he bucks into my hand a little and I bite my lip, eyes moving up to meet his. something passes between us that I don't fully understand, but feel in my bones. I have never, in my life, wanted someone to fuck me as much as I want Matthew to fuck me right now. my jaw clenches.

"I need you." I tell him like this is the most relevant piece of information that will ever pass between us. he smirks.

"yeah?"

"mhmm."

"then lean against the wall and let me give you what you deserve." he orders. for a second, I try to think through what he means. then I look behind me at the open space and back up, him following me closely. his hands move up to cup my breasts, kneading and tweaking my nipples as he kisses my lips. the coolness against my back causes me to gasp, and he swallows the sound with his tongue before moving down my body.

he's torturously slow, taking one of my nipples into his mouth while he shrugs off his suit jacket. he switches to my other peak, one hand splayed over my stomach, and then proceeds southward with his lips. his kisses are delicate, open-mouthed, as they find their way to the waistband of my panties.

he hooks his fingers in them and looks up at me.

"can I eat you out, baby?" he asks. I bite my lip.

"please." like a beg.

"oh, you're polite tonight." he smirks, tugging the garment down my legs and discarding it somewhere in the room. I don't respond, and he doesn't seem to need me to, because he pushes one leg up for better access to my pussy. "let's see if it lasts."

my back curves off of the wall involuntarily when he holds the flat of his tongue against my clit suddenly, trying to roll my hips against his face. my fingers tangle in his hair, one leg resting over his shoulder.

he starts to flick at my clit. I lose grasp of my own language.

"Matthew, that feels so good, I--"

he attaches himself to my bundle of nerves, seemingly turned on by the sounds I'm making for him. he groans as he laps at the wetness between my legs, dipping into my folds and sucking the soul out of me. I whine and use his curls as leverage to gain more friction. he peers up at me.

"needy little girl." he mumbles against my pussy. I shove him back into me.

"make me cum, then." I beg. I can practically feel the devilish smirk on his face as he devours me like he'll never get enough. every twist and lick of his tongue is sending me to new places. I'm panting, chest heaving, while I grab my own tits and buck into his mouth.

he moans. my orgasm hits me like a wave, causing me to nearly thrash with pleasure as I cry out.

"Matthew, keep going, fuck yes!" I feel tears prick the back of my eyes, the culmination almost too much to bear as we hold contact. he stares into my fucking soul as he eats me out, and I want to stay like this forever. it's hard to support myself with my legs going weak, but I love it. the sensations are otherworldly. it's only when I'm about to collapse that I push his face away from me.

"I love your pussy." he tells me, licking his lips as he sets my legs down. I grin and let my head fall back against the wall.

"thanks."

"come here, princess." he takes hold of my hips and guides me over to the mirror, turning me so that he's standing behind my frame. the pet name causes me to smile.

"what?" I reference our reflection. he stares at me, reaching around to squeeze my tits.

"I wanna fuck you in the mirror." such a vulgar thing, said so beautifully. he kisses my cheek. "if that's okay with you."

"I don't care what position we do as long as you're fucking me." I breathe honestly. he chuckles and draws me towards him so his clothed boner is against my ass. I reach behind and work the button on his pants. he undoes the ones on his shirt. we're silent, him watching my naked body move like he's trying to memorize every detail.

when he's finally stripped, he lets me stroke his cock for a couple moments before pushing my upper back forward so I'm holding onto the sides of the mirror. I see him biting his lip as he lines himself up at my entrance.

"you ready?" he checks. I nod and he smiles at me once. pushing in, the smile melts into a jaw-dropped haze, eyes rolling into the back of his head. "Y/N..."

"it's so big." I try to breathe. he's so deep, I grip the mirror until my knuckles turn white. he's going to snap my body in two with the angle of his cock, filling me easily.

"tight little thing." he grunts as he holds himself inside. I can only watch in shock as I try to adjust to the sheer feeling of him. Matthew runs his hands over my sides, my ass, touching whatever he can. "how's that?"

I start to wiggle my hips and he groans at the feeling of my walls desperately swallowing him up. "Matthew, I need it."

"need what?" he thrusts into me and I have to fight a scream.

"need you."

"fuck... yes." he hisses out, sliding into me. "you're so wet I don't even need to try."

I bite my lip to withhold my sounds and he stares me in the eyes in the mirror as he starts to fuck me harder, building a pace with his hips. he growls a little if he hits certain angles, getting ruthless.

"so many times when I wanted to be inside you, princess..." he trails off. I start to play with my clit with one hand, using the other to stabilize myself with the mirror. the idea turns me on.

"when?"

"whenever you have attitude," he pants. "tonight, in that innocent fucking dress. making me wanna pound you like a little slut."

I make a high-pitched sound at the shudder of pleasure that jolts through my stomach at his words, wanting more. I've never heard him talk this way before.

"Matthew, shit--" I rub myself in circles, caught between watching his face and watching the way his hips slam into mine.

"you're begging to be fucked, you know that?"

"am I?" I smile sweetly in the mirror. we're in our own world, locked in a fantasy that I never want to leave. I can feel him in every corner of my body, sinking beneath my skin. he digs his nails into my ass.

"mhmm." he hums. I can feel the familiar weight in my stomach that indicates how close I'm getting. a knot that screams to be undone by his perfect length. I would do anything for more of this. I can taste everything good in the world on my tongue.

"I'm so close." I whine.

"I can tell," he studies my face in the mirror. "so pretty when you're breaking."

"oh--" I feel my thighs tense and my body pulses, the euphoria almost overwhelming. we move steadily, rhythmically, and he pushes my climax to new levels. "faster." I cry.

Matthew is quick to respond, gripping me closer while he plows into me like he's never going to have my body again. the sound of it is filthy, perfect, a mess. he groans at the sensation of my cunt pulsating around his cock.

"cum for me, princess." he moans, losing himself in the embrace of my core. the foggy stare in his eyes is like drowning in the ocean. I sink below, not caring at all about the consequences of him inside me. fuck working together; I need him. "where should I cum?"

"in me." I groan.

"beg." he commands easily, watching my face contort in pleasure. I could pretend to fight it, to give a little attitude, but I don't want to. I love begging for him.

"fill me up, Matthew. please." each word punctuated by the breathlessness of my voice. he gets even more ferocious with me, beating up my pussy until I'm sure he's going to leave me sore.

"right there, right there," he gasps, hitting the same spot that makes me go cross-eyed. "such a good little slut."

his cum shoots into me, deep and warm and erotically twisted, and I nearly collapse. it feels weird, but so good at the same time. full. he groans out my name and withdraws, quick to grab my shoulders and hold me up as I almost fall. I hadn't realized that most of my body weight was supported purely by his thrusts.

"whoa." he lets out a tired laugh, gentle in his touch. I'm heaving air into my lungs.

"sorry." I apologize, my body unstable.

"are you okay?" he seems genuinely concerned and I nod.

"yeah, I'm fine. just a little overwhelmed."

"here," he scoops me into his arms and brings me over to the old love seat in the dressing room, laying his jacket down before putting me on top of it. "can I get you something?"

"Sprite." I gesture to the glass on the vanity, and he smiles as he goes to get it. I gulp down whatever remains of it. "thanks."

"of course." he keeps glancing at my face and the red marks on my hips where he was clutching me like a lifeline. "I'm sorry."

"what?" I set the cup down. "don't ever be sorry for fucking me like that."

"no, I meant--" he laughs, but then he sees my playful expression and realizes that I'm genuinely alright. I think my legs were asleep.

"you're a saint." I tell him. he frowns and shakes his head bashfully. I'm already getting up and collecting my clothes. "or maybe what we just did prevents you from reaching sainthood. I don't know."

he places his hand on my lower back, kisses my forehead tenderly.

"seriously. you're okay?"

"I'm perfectly fine," I assure him. "but I would be better with a milkshake."

Matthew breaks into a slow grin, staring at me like I've done something miraculous.

"how are you so perfect?"

[everwitch-magiks]

RWRB Fics Roundup

Hey y’all! Once upon a time I had the ambition to post links on here to all the fics and new chapters that I publish on AO3, and I think it’s safe to say that I’ve been an absolute disaster at that over the summer. In my defense I’ve just had so much to write, but that’s not much of a defense seeing as it doesn’t take ages to chuck a link on here. Anyhow. Bottom line is, I’ve severely neglected it, and it’s gotten to a point where I’m just gonna make a post with links to everything I’ve written since June (ish) for you to peruse, so you can see if there’s one that you didn’t catch wind of that catches your eye now. Neat, huh?

So, without further ado, the links! The fics! Let’s go.

Completed works

Love At First Bark General Audiences, AU, tooth-rotting fluff. 3K. “I still don’t know your name, do I?” Henry watches Alex where he’s crouched down in front of David and gently scratching David below his chin. David absolutely loves Alex. Henry can relate. “It’s David,” Henry supplies. “Cool,” Alex says. “And what’s the dog’s name?” Henry blinks at him. “... David?” “What?” Alex exclaims. He looks from David to Henry and then back at David again. “Wow, okay, that is a choice.” Henry wants to sink through the earth and never come back up again.

Shameless Explicit, AU, Henry has a reputation. 14K. Henry has a lot of sex. A lot. He's young and in college and there is no shortage of men to fall in bed with. What better time to explore what he likes and what he fucking loves, as well as to catalogue how to make his many, many partners feel as good as possible? It’s all part of the learning experience. And Henry is a very dedicated student.

Alex has been inescapably aware of Henry ever since that one time they kissed. You don’t just stop being aware of the guy who basically caused your sexuality. So when Henry propositions Alex at a lame frat party, Alex accepts eagerly. Maybe this is exactly what he needs. Maybe, if he can just have Henry once, he’ll have a better chance of finally getting over his embarrassing fixation with Henry. It's worth a try.

When The Time Is Right Part four of my sex club series. Explicit, AU, dom Henry and sub Alex. 16K. “Maybe I could challenge you more,” Henry suggests, his eyes carefully trained on Alex. “And hold you accountable for longer. How does that sound?” “That sounds fucking amazing,” Alex tells him, the words coming out in a rush. “Yes. That. Please.” “Alright, then.” Henry offers him a sly grin. “Alex, love. You just gave me a wonderful idea.” It’s really something, how quickly Alex’s heartbeat picks up. “Oh? Do tell.” Henry’s grin widens. He looks alarmingly pleased with himself. “How would you feel about a staycation?”

When Alex asks Henry for something a little more intense in the bedroom, they end up taking more than just their sex life to the next level.

Out For A Bite Explicit, AU, suspense and supernatural elements. 3K. Henry's eyes fly up, zeroing in on the reflection in the mirror. There, behind him. The man from the bar. He looks different in the fluorescent bathroom lights. Sharper. There’s a look in his eyes that has Henry shivering all over again. It's greedy. Hungry.

He’s staring right at Henry.

Henry's throat feels dry. His heart beats madly. He's heard whispers of this place, and more importantly of its patrons. He thinks he knows what this man is.

ever fallen in love (with someone you shouldn’t have fallen in love with) Explicit, AU, Alex and Henry in DIY Punk & mainstream pop punk, respectively. 34K. Teenage music sensation Kensington have taken the world by storm. With their cool leather jackets and wickedly distorted guitars, they're a pop duo that packs a punch. Or at least they sound like one—their lyrics unfortunately lack any semblance of depth. Alex can't fucking stand Kensington. But thankfully, he doesn’t have to. He’s not likely to cross paths with those British pop losers during his final semester of high school in Texas. And even if he did, he'd never let some stupidly attractive blonde take his focus away from the goal that Alex has worked towards for years: winning the Austin Band Slam with his latino punk trio.

But when Henry comes crashing into Alex's life, with his intriguing piano pieces and piercing blue eyes and slow, purposeful kisses that make Alex burn with want, Alex finds that he might need to reevaluate his stance on both pop losers and distractions. Or maybe not. Maybe he’s better off keeping Henry at arm's length, since it's so painfully evident that Henry will never love him back.

Never Tell Me The Odds Teen and Up Audiences, canon verse, an outside perspective on First Prince as well as a story about a certain Star Wars mural. 2K. "Wait!" Alex yells up to the driver. "Stop! Stop the car!" Up close, it's beautiful. Two stories tall. He can’t imagine how somebody was able to put together something like this so fast.

Ash had never imagined that they'd get the chance to actually meet Alex Claremont-Diaz, and much less get the chance to tell Alex about how that very special Star Wars mural came to be. Although of course, Ash never would have met Alex if it hadn’t been for Farida. Farida and her bold courage, and her warm compassion, and her sometimes infuriating (but always endearing) stubbornness.

yrs. faithfully (with nowhere to go) Explicit, canon verse, a lazy morning in bed leads to something more. 3K. When Alex and Henry wake up together the day before their anniversary, they're genuinely planning on getting out of bed and spending the day as productive members or society. Truly, their intentions are honorable. But a trip down memory lane gets them reminiscing about that night exactly one year ago, when Alex had come running through the rain to deliver some choice words about obtuse fucking assholes.

As Alex and Henry start to relive the memory, they quickly realize that they both remember it intimately. So intimately that they might be able to pull off something of a do-over.

Gadgets and Gizmos A-Plenty A companion piece to dearest Hattie’s soulmate fic. Mature, AU, a look into Henry buying sex toys. Yes. That’s the fic. 2K. There’s a bunch of regulars that Amir knows by name (and, unavoidably, by kinks), but most often Playtime gets one-time visitors. Which makes sense, really. A lot of people don’t seem to want to step into the same adult toy shop twice. So Amir is always a little extra curious when there’s a repeat customer, especially one who is this attractive. And, interestingly, one who’s come back so soon.

The tall, classically handsome man with blond hair and blue eyes left Playtime no less than five hours ago after having purchased a medium-sized, fairly standard vibrator well suited for anal play. And now he’s back. Because apparently, he’s found he needed another vibrator.

If Sex Was A Sport We’d Be Winning Mature, AU, a classic Olympics hookup. 3K. It's remarkable, truly, that Alex didn't even want to be here. He only came all the way to Ariake because June was determined to watch a bunch of prissy ponies strut around to music. Still, perhaps the true Olympic experience lies in the wide variety of disciplines. Or, perhaps, it has something to do with chatting up a pretty blond behind the stables and getting him to show you the inside of an Olympic tack room. As Alex quickly takes to Henry’s sweet smiles and easy confidence, he realizes that just a few stolen moments with this man might turn into his most cherished memory from the Tokyo Olympics.

Alex knows better than to get attached, though. He and Henry live an ocean apart. There’s no way this quick fumble in the stable equivalent of a supply closet could ever lead to anything more. Right?

Talk Dirty To Me Explicit, AU, dom Henry and sub Alex. 9K. Henry studies Nora’s expression for a moment. There’s something about her favourable account of this guy she claims not to want to sleep with again that doesn’t add up. "But you're still not interested in taking him on?"

"He wants more than I'm willing to offer," Nora says frankly. Henry’s always liked this about her—how she doesn’t skirt around the hard facts. It's a part of what makes her so good at dominating. "But you know what? For you, he'd be kind of perfect."

Henry has been active in the local BDSM scene for years and there’s no shortage of men who’d love nothing more than to find themselves at his mercy. But Henry is on a break. He’s not looking for a new partner, but he’s also not expecting to become so intrigued by the man that Nora insists he should meet. Alex is a newcomer on the scene who doesn’t yet know exactly what he wants, much less with who. There’s no way that he could turn out to be exactly who Henry needs. Right?

Date night (please toy with me) Explicit, canon verse, a night out leads to some fun with a toy. 4K. This… this is new. They’ve talked about trying this, about what it’d be like to conceal some of their intimacy in plain sight, about what it would feel like to try and reclaim what is most private to them by flaunting it without anyone even knowing, by daring to take risks again. They’ve agreed that they’d still need to be careful, but they’ve also agreed that it would be interesting. That it would be fun.

And apparently, Henry thinks tonight is the night for it. “Do you trust me, love?”

“Yeah.” Alex swallows. He picks up the box, studying it for a moment. “Do you want… what do you want me to do?”

“I want you to go to the bathroom,” Henry says evenly, “You’ll find everything you need in the box. Then I want you to come back and sit down. Can you do that for me?”

“Yeah. Of course.” Alex taps the box, grinning in Henry’s direction. “I expect we’ll be leaving soon?”

Henry smiles slyly. “If you’re good, yes.”

Ongoing works

Hashtag Soulmates Mature, AU, Henry writes fanfiction. 23K and 7 chapters so far. Alex is perfect and handsome, the golden boy, everybody’s secret crush. So there is absolutely no way that he is the reader who screeches in caps lock every time that Henry posts as much as a drabble. There’s no way. Except Alex just closed his browser fast as fucking lightning, but not before Henry had gotten a good glimpse of the page Alex had open: AO3. ‘Don't Stop Me Now’, Henry’s current wip. The one that Henry literally just updated.

Sweet Jesus. Could it really be?

That... is all! It’s been a productive summer. I’m very excited to continue writing Hashtag Soulmates, and also to start working on a few upcoming First Prince fics that I’m planning on writing. Stay tuned for fics! ♡

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

idk how many people would even want to see this BUT i wanna yell about Leela and Brax so here's a list of all their scenes togethr/scenes pertainng to them that i can recall (pLEASE add on if i missed anything/ you have any additional thoughts!! i could talk about these two all day!)

right off the bat in Weapon of Choice when Leela is on the outskirts of the Citadel and Brax goes to bring her back (which is interesting in and of itself, bc usually i would imagine a chancellery guard would go do that so what made Brax decide to instead??), Leela kinda goes off at him bc she's hurting and instead of trying to actually explain what's going on Brax doesn't even try to argue he just says "we need you" which is great bc Leela has that instinctive desire to be needed and to help people and he's speaking right to that -- also as far as we know, this is Leela and Brax's first actual meeting in canon? it's implied that they know of each other, which makes sense, but it doesn't seem like they've ever directly interacted before: Brax seems almost slightly uncertain, and Leela is combative, but when he's gentle with her she's actually quite receptive

the literal next scene after that, where the OT4 is all in one room for the first time (they still kinda hate each other at this point but still !!!). Narvin explaining Gryben and being a real jerk about it and Leela (understandibly!) questions if Gryben is a prison world, and Brax (who to this point has been mostly quiet as Narvin and Romana brief Leela) jumps in to both clarify Narvin's previous xenophobic statements while also maintaining the inherent questionable/negative connotations

(btw it's actually pretty important to note that Romana self-edits herself a lot when talking to Leela, especially in the earlier seasons; you can actually hear her revising the things she says to put it in terms that she thinks Leela will better understand. and i mean she does it out of genuine consideration for her friend associate but it often comes across as varying levels of patronizing. Narvin also obviously "dumbs things down" when dealing with Leela early on, but like... Brax never does that on any level. the only difference i can tell in how he addresses Leela vs how he talks to anybody else is that he seems much more kind with her than almost anyone else???)

their conversation about the Matrix in The Inquiry: this is REALLY important (and if you've ever talked to me on ao3 i've probably gone off to you about it lol) because it's layered. they're talking about the Matrix but they're also not because in answering Leela's question Brax is making a very thinly veiled allegory (which he outright states a minute later) to Time Lord society/politicians/most importantly HIMSELF -- he's actually strangely open about his morals/beliefs in this scene and i'm living for it tbh -- and i find it very interesting that even though he does directly explain what he means ("how do you know all this?" / "because i am a politician.") he also leaves it for Leela to work out the implications. like it's a very nuanced conversation bc there's double meaning in it and most people on Gallifrey seem to think that Leela is tone-deaf and can't pick up on that stuff (even Romana sometimes oversimplifies things to her) but Brax totally just lets her take from it what she will bc he believes her intelligent enough to understand. he doesn't think her any lesser because she's human.

ALSO on a secondary note to the above: the fact that Leela has a question/needed clarification (sorry, haven't listened to this in a while i forget how it actually happened) and actively sought out Brax to talk to about it?? like she knows Romana better she could have gone to her but i feel like Leela kinda imprinted on Brax and someone she can go to for help if she needs it; maybe it's partly bc she knows he's under marginally less pressure than Romana is but also the truth of the matter is that Brax was the most genuinely helpful person to her in the previous stories and that probably means a lot to her (esp. bc he acts like the essence of everything she hates about Gallifrey but he doesn't treat her the way she would expect from that). btw this topic is gonna come up again in a hot minute

that part where Brax gives her that information that might help her re: the Andred thing, even though he really probably shouldn't have done that -- it kinda makes me think about what he must have been like with Theta tbh???

actually this is mostly my own conjecture but there's some neat stuff in Spirit bc during the *waves hand vaguely* bodyswap dream sequence thing, Romana is very "!!!! Brax can help us !!!" which is tecnically Leela brain talking, so like there's the implications of the stuff i've said above about Leela having this idea of Brax where she knows he's someone she can go to for help

can u tell i'm soft for them

Leela sounding really sad/distracted when she talks about how Brax isn't there YES i'm grasping at straws but a lot of this relationship really is conveyed through the voice acting bc of how little direct focus there is on the characters. there's actually several scenes in Mindbomb where she mentions him and she outright says that she misses him during her discussion with Matthias

that implied scene with them in Mindbomb!! i have a Lot of thoughts about that!!! it's all conjecture and fanfic fodder!!! but the reason i mention this is because it seems pretty meta that out of the whole Gally Gang, it's Leela who first sees Brax when he comes back to Gallifrey and in turn she's the first person (besides Matthias, i guess) that he sees upon his return?? idk i just feel like that's somehow a meaningful detail??? also her reaction of utter shock after spending the entire episode missing him and how worked up she is when she tries to tell Romana, like I desperately need to know what happened in this missing scene MR RICHARDS PLEASE TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED

Leela insisting on going with Brax when Pandora starts hurting him and their whole conversation there is just. so good. like they're both just so soft and then when Darkel comes in Leela instantly goes into protective mode. like they just have such an open relationship bc Brax doesn't even try to be all pretentious with her, like he doesn't even try to keep up any facades when he's with her he's just very genuine and it really says a lot about both of them -- Leela is so good at seeing people, like getting down to the core of who people are and what makes them them (which is why she's good for Romana, btw, bc Romana has a lot of identity issues) and Brax is so tangled up in who he presents himself as that he barely knows who he actually is anymore but Leela can see that and she makes it so he can truly be himself and he doesn't have to hide. also she's so gentle with him when they talk about Pandora, she's very caring and empathetic and wants to make sure he's okay and i am WEAK

it's been a hot while since i listened to Panacea but I think i remember Brax being really soft with Leela when he first brings the gang to the Axis, like just sounding really glad to see her

ok other than the fact that Brax is lowkey relatable in Reborn (daydreaming fanfic about yourself/people you know? simping for Mary Tamm Romana? yeah mood, my man) there's that scene where they're first appraoching the Citadel on the alt!Gallifrey and it seems like none of them, and Brax specifically, have seen it from the outside in a good long while bc he's very in awe and he tells Leela that he wishes she could see it and he sounds sO hEcKiNg sOFT oh my word-

and once again with Leela thinking of Brax as someone she trusts for help: in Dissassembled when everything is going to crap she straight-up says that she wants to go find Brax bc he'll know what to do/be able to help

at the beginning of Annihilation when Romana is depressed and questioning if Brax truly was her friend and Leela INSTANTLY, NO HESITATION assures her that he was; i lost where i had her exact lines written down but she actually kinda goes off to make sure Romana gets the point

literally forcing myself to talk about this bc it makes my brain stall out but like,,, the Brax Hound in Annihilation,,, Leela being like "goodbye, Braxiatel... again" she sounds so sad and like UGH i always kinda forget how sad it actually is for them to lose Brax in Dissassembled bc like, it was so sudden and they didn't get to say goodbye and Leela is always losing people and i have many many feels about this scene and how all that emotion is made very clear in how they each respond to the Hound (might make a separate post abt this later if anyone is interested ::eyes::)

Enemy Lines is utter bullcrap about these two and I will never stop being salty about how they not only sidelined the very good, very subtle friendship they had in s1-4, but they??? made Leela acutally not trust Brax??? when literally this entire time she's been the one person who probably genuinely trusts him the most?? what the heck, David

I haven't heard TW3 or 4 yet but i'm assuming there's nothing worthwhile in those with regards to this duo (correct me if i'm wrong tho lol, i would love to be mistaken in this assumption)

TL;DR Leela and Brax mututally imprinted on each other and have probably the most open and healthy relationship within the OT4 and it is an absolute CRIME that nobody besides Gary Russell and Justin Richards cared enough to actually build on it in canon

[moon-light-jukebox]

A Truth Universally Acknowledged - [Hotch x Reader] - Chapter 1

masterlist // series index // next chapter

Summary: Reader is a member of the BAU that is liked by everyone...except her unit chief, Aaron Hotchner.

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 1.9k for Chapter 1. 

Genre: Angst. Eventually Smut and Fluff. 

Content Warning: None for chapter 1. 

A/n: This is going to be an enemies to lovers story. It is loosely inspired by pride and prejudice. I decided to release it today because I hit 1.3k followers a little bit ago. Thank you all so much. 😊

--Chapter 1-- 

One of the lessons I learned early in life is that not everyone is going to like you. You can be the nicest, sweetest, prettiest peach on the tree…and you’re still gonna run into a mother fucker who hates peaches. And that’s okay.

I wasn’t for everyone; the people that loved me loved me fiercely and that was more than enough. It didn’t matter that some people didn’t like me.

…but for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why Agent Hotchner hated me.

“He doesn’t hate you,” Garcia had told me, but even she didn’t look super convinced.

Hotch wasn’t an easy man. He was intimidating, domineering, and intense; but sometimes when he was with his team, I saw him smile or even laugh at something they had said. I had seen how his eyes lit up whenever he talked about his son. He wasn’t cold, detached, and mean to everyone.

Just to me.

--

Occasionally, I try to mentally run through my time at the BAU to see if I can pinpoint the thing I did that made the unit chief dislike me. It really didn't matter if he liked me, but he seemed offended by my existence. It didn't make for an easy working relationship, and if I could somehow apologize for what I had done, then maybe things at work would get easier.

I wasn't a member of the BAU team that went out in the field; I wasn't a profiler, but I was part of the entire unit. Most people only thought of Hotch's team that jumped on a plane with him when you said BAU, but dozens of us stayed back and worked behind the scenes to make sure things ran smoothly. Even though I wasn't a profiler, I was still so happy to be a part of this unit; all I had ever wanted was to make a difference.

It just seems that the difference I made was a bad one.

“Hey,” a voice called, drawing me out of my thoughts. Agent Jaruau, JJ as she told everyone to call her, was standing beside my desks with a manila FBI file in her hands. “Did you file this?”

My brow furrowed as I took the file she handed me, running my eyes over the document. Everything looked right…until I got to the bottom line.

“Shit,” I mumbled, my eyes snapping back up to look at hers. “I’m sorry.”

JJ waved her hand, dismissing my apology. “It’s no big deal, I made that same mistake fairly often when I worked as a media liaison. That form is confusing.” She gave me a small, genuine smile. “It’s already been logged into the system…” the pretty blonde woman let her words trail off, but I knew what she didn’t want to say.

“Hotch needs to sign off on the change,” I finished for her.

“I can take it to him for you,” she offered. “I don’t mind.”

I shook my head. “That will just make it worse.” I stood, squaring my shoulders. “It’s okay. It was my mistake; I’ll take responsibility for it.”

She just patted my back when I walked by, making the dreaded walk across the bullpen, up the stairs to Hotch’s office. This sort of dumb clerical error wouldn’t be a big deal for anyone else, but everyone knew how Hotch felt about me.

Huffing out a breath, I rapped my knuckles on his office door.

“Come in,” his gruff voice called out.

I kept my eyes downcast when I entered the room, shutting the door behind me. I sort of looked at dealing with Hotch in the same way you’d deal with a predator. No sudden moves, no direct eye contact, nothing that could be seen as challenging.

“Sorry to bother you, sir.” I began, my fingers gripping the file in my hand tightly. “I just need your approval on a system record change.” I held out the file folder.

It was promptly ripped out of my hands. “It’s customary to look at someone when you speak to them, Agent.”

Heat burned in my cheeks, but I lifted my gaze, grateful he wasn’t looking at me but at the file in front of him.

“Why does this need a record change?” he asked, still not looking at me.

Here goes nothing. “I made an error on line 35.”

I saw the grip he had on his pen tighten ever so slightly. “I see,” he said softly. “Tell me, Agent, did you bother to read the form before you filled it out?”

"Yes, sir," I said quietly, feeling the muscles in my back tensing.

“Then how did you make such a stupid mistake?” Those dark brown eyes finally came to rest on my face. “I can’t have agents in this unit who are so careless. I don’t have the time to be cleaning up after anyone’s mistakes.” His voice had gotten sharper, he wasn’t quite yelling, but his words struck me hard just the same. “Is that clear?”

I nodded, focusing my eyes on his left ear. I was afraid if I saw the anger in his eyes that it would hurt me even worse.

“When I ask you a question, I expect an answer.”

My throat worked as I tried to swallow my emotions. “I’m sorry sir, it won’t happen again.”

He tossed the file on his desk. “See that it doesn’t.”

I snatched the folder off of his desk and all but ran from his office. I made the return walk down the stairs and across the bullpen to my desk. I dropped the file on my desk with a shaky exhale.

I really wanted to be the sort of person who could accept criticism without getting so emotional. I wanted to be the sort of person that could put up a brave face and let painful words just roll off of me.

But I wasn't.

I stood in front of my desk for a moment, weighing my options. I could sit down at my desk and try to pretend I wasn't gutted, or I could run to the bathroom and cry alone.

I chose the latter.

--

Whenever I got so upset, I always felt like I had let the other person win. Running out of the bullpen and locking myself in a bathroom stall while I angrily dashed away the tears the rolled down my cheeks made me feel like a failure.

I kept telling myself that it didn’t matter what Agent Hotchner thought of me. I was good at my job, I had to be, or he would have already fired me. His complaints seemed to just be with…me as a person.

I stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom and took inventory of my reflection. It looked like I had been crying, but that’s nothing a makeup wipe couldn’t mostly fix. Besides, what did it matter if Hotch made me cry? He made Anderson cry all the time and no one said anything to him.

It wasn’t until I was tossing my makeup wipe away that I let out a slightly bitter chuckle; I realized I still mentally refer to him as “Hotch,” it’s what he told everyone to call him.

Everyone but me.

--

I had long ago decided that coffee was the answer to almost every problem life had. I think the only person who made more trips to the coffee machine than me was Dr. Spencer Reid. He didn't talk to me a lot either, but I don't think that's because he didn't like me. I think he was just awkward and nervous. Maybe I should try to talk to him more.

Dr. Reid wasn’t at the coffee station when I made my way there after exiting the bathroom, but another member of the BAU was. If it had been anyone else, I might have tried to turn and act like I wasn’t going to the coffee pot in the first place, but I’m sure he had already noticed me.

David Rossi didn’t miss much.

I made my way over to the kitchenette counter, grabbing one of my mugs out of the cabinet before turning my head in his direction.  "Good morning, Agent Rossi," I chirped in greeting.

The older man returned my greeting, his eyes running over my face in a way that would have been terrifying if I didn’t know the man. I still wasn’t sure how someone could look so friendly and so calculating all at the same time.

“You okay, kiddo?” he asked, dropping his focus to his own coffee cup on the counter.

My teeth gnawed on my bottom lip as I considered my answer. “There’s no point in trying to lie to you, is there?”

The man who developed the art of profiling chuckled at my question. "No, not much of a point," he informed me, his voice kind. He didn't seem the least bit off-put by my question. "It's also probably not fair of me to ask such a hard question."

“No, it’s fine,” I insisted.

The older man just shook his head. “We both know it’s not.”

I felt tears prick the inner corners of my eyes again. “I just…I don’t know why he hates me so much. And I wish it didn’t bother me but-.” My voice cracked, betraying how upset I truly was.

Rossi let out a defeated sigh and reached his hand out to cover my own. “I’ve known Aaron for a long time, y/n. He’s a good man, one of the best men I’ve ever met.” He patted my hand before he pulled away to pick up his own cup. “Doesn’t mean he’s not a dick sometimes.”

I just gave him a slightly watery chuckle. “It’s okay. I just need to toughen up.”

“You don’t need to change a thing, Bella.” Rossi gave me one last smile before walking back to his own office.

I had already turned my focus back to my own coffee cup when I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end, a primal instinct to let me know that I wasn’t totally safe.

There was no reason to look around; there was only one person who could make me feel that way in this building. My focus remained on my cup as I stirred in my packets of Splenda. Every cell of my body was telling me to run, but what was the point? Besides, he was less likely to yell at me in front of other people.

I hoped.

The air shifted when he took the same place against the counter that Rossi had just occupied; I'm sure he noticed subtle changes in my posture, no matter how hard I tried to hide them.

I gathered up the empty packets in one hand and gripped the handle of my mug in the other. “Excuse me,” I mumbled as I moved around him.

I hadn’t taken more than two steps before he spoke. “Agent.”

“Yes, sir?” I spun on my heel to face him.

He looked just the same as he had in his office. Trademark scowl, closely cropped dark hair, piercing dark eyes, black suit, red tie. Most of all he still looked utterly displeased that I existed in his general vicinity.

Agent Hotchner seemed to hesitate for a minute while his eyes ran over my face. “I…I, um.” He paused to clear his throat. “I expect that form to be re-entered into the system before the noon briefing.”

Right. I glanced at the clock on the wall, noting the time was 11:15 am. “I’ll do it right now.”

He looked like he would say something else but snapped his lips together, giving me a sharp nod instead. I took that as a dismissal and made my way back to my desk.

Aaron Hotchner had won this round. 

-- 

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[agentnico]

The Suicide Squad (2021) Review

This may be the better of the two, but the first Suicide Squad film will always hold the crown for managing to win an Oscar... somehow.

Plot: The government sends the most dangerous supervillains in the world -- Bloodsport, Peacemaker, King Shark, Harley Quinn and others -- to the remote, enemy-infused island of Corto Maltese. Armed with high-tech weapons, they trek through the dangerous jungle on a search-and-destroy mission, with only Col. Rick Flag on the ground to make them behave.

“So that’s it, huh? We’re some kind of suicide squad?” says Will Smith in the original first film, with the line in itself being a poor attempt at a fourth wall break, yet, that movie never reached that promise of being a true Suicide Squad film. Because hardly anyone died, and as a whole David Ayer’s film was a generic mess, regardless of studio interference or not. In comes James Gunn from Marvel, who seems to have cracked the code for how to bring this comic book series to live action in proper gratuitous form, with even the ‘The’ in the title symbolizing that this is the one!

I remember going to see the first Guardians of the Galaxy film at the cinema, and back then I was still only just getting acquainted with watching western media, and that included superhero films. Heck my first ever Marvel movie was Thor: The Dark World! I know, what a banger to start with.......NAAAWT!! Anyway, I went to see Guardians and it was one of the first superhero films I came out of feeling like I truly witnessed something special. It had action, comedy and a good heart to it, and wouldn’t you know, my good old pal James Gunn was behind that flick. I don’t know why I called him my good old pal, I don’t even know the fella. Except in my dreams, but we don’t talk about that. So, flashforward to Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, which I absolutely hated, and for that movie I’m pretty sure Marvel gave Mr Gunn mostly full reigns of creative freedom, as long as he kept it family friendly, and the result was a mess. Hence naturally now I was really sceptical when James Gunn ended up at Warner Bros. following the controversial moment when cancel culture decided to aim it’s slimy fingers at him, as he was given directing and writing duties for this new The Suicide Squad film, and also it was heavily insinuated that Warner Bros. basically told him he could do with the movie whatever the f*** he wanted, excuse my French. And we remember how it panned out last time when James Gunn was given a lot of creative freedom. 

Flashforward to present day; here I am wondering and scratching my head thinking what in the heavens has happened, as by golly I am happy to report that The Suicide Squad is a total winner and a blast with a capital B - Blast! Gosh goodness golly goblin, this movie is so much fun from beginning to end. Right from the opening sequence you know that this film isn’t holding back any punches. It’s going at a 447.19 km/h speed of a Koenigsegg Agera RS crashing through any barriers like it’s nothing. Speaking of the opening sequence, it establishes why the movie is called what it’s called from the get-go. You straight away are proven how not a single character is safe, minus the obvious one that we know who it is, as there ain’t no way Warner Bros. would have allowed James Gunn to kill off that one character. But besides that person, everyone else feels like they could die at any given moment. That’s really a big charm of it, as it is frustrating how in many superhero films, let alone any blockbuster action flicks, so many characters always feel so safe and unstoppable, no matter how many times they get shot or how many buildings crash down upon them. And yes, this movie features a certain CGI character that constantly gets that treatment and survives, although it’s very self aware in that regard and is purposefully humoristic. But overall the entire set of characters feel easily disposable, and so so many of them die in such gruesome fashion, so indeed don’t get attached, as they don’t. 

Speaking of which, this movie is hardcore gory! You see limbs and intestines flying round left and right, a guy gets ripped in half by a humanoid shark, another’s face gets teared off by a shotgun bullet and so on forth in all kinds of gruesome fashion. Visually this is one for the big screen, as here’s the thing: you’re either a mummy’s boy or you grow some cojones and go see a man’s heart get stabbed with a piece of debris glass in 4K high rate definition! Your choice! Oh, and it’s not just the violence, also the cinematography and the practical set pieces all look incredible. This is easily James Gunn’s best looking movie. The entire think LOOKS incredible!

We also have to talk about the cast, as they are all great! There literally isn’t a single weakling among them. Each one, no matter how big or small their role is, brings something to the table. I can’t talk about all of them, as we’d be here all day, so I’m simply going to mention a few of the stand-outs. Idris Elba comes in to replace Will Smith as a character called Bloodsport, who is in some ways a different character but evidently is a replacement of Smith’s. But that’s no bad thing, as with any ensemble movie you still need a main character to latch onto and have an emotional hook towards, and he is that character. In fact, I’d say he’s arguably better than Will Smith in the last movie, or at least he seems to be having more fun here. He works as a solid leading man, however what works even more is his banterous competitive genital-size-measuring back and forth with John Cena’s Peacemaker, who by the way is awesome as that character. He is not a good character, in fact he is as bad as a bad guy can get, especially cause he’s someone who believes that what he is doing is right, making him much more of a dangerous wild card. This is easily John Cena’s best role, with him adding to the comedy one-liners, but also delivering such an interesting character who I’m looking forward to seeing more of in his standalone spin-off show confirmed for next year. Oh, and he wears a toilet helmet on his head which he defines as “a beacon of freedom” which says it all. We also have returning characters from the last film Joel Kinnaman and Viola Davis as Rick Flag and Amanda Waller respectively, and both are given much more room to stretch their talents and spread their beautiful acting wings like the Hollywood angels that they are. Kinnaman’s Rick Flag is the moral compass of the group, as even though Elba is our main guy, he’s nonetheless a villain still, whilst Flag is a genuinely good guy and what is defined as a true American hero, to which Kinnaman fits the part well. And Viola Davis as Amanda Waller is on an absolutely different level. You can tell she’s an Academy Award winner through and through, as she plays such a serious character in an otherwise goofy movie, and so her presence is felt and it is felt BAD! She’s such a despicable yet intimidating personality and she gravitates all of the screen presence to herself. Margot Robbie returns as Harley Quinn, and she gets even more chance to develop this character that she’s played in multiple DCEU films now, and as per usual the Harley Quinn shtick works well for her, though I do kind of wish she didn’t always get all the attention. Look, I think she’s a fun character and Robbie plays her well, however she’s constantly used to overshadow others in these films which I don’t think is too fair, and its evident as ever in this film too. Anyway, the remainder of the cast including Jay Courtney as Captain Boomerang, David Dastmalchian as Polka-Dot Man, Michael Rooker as Savant, Nathan Fillion as TDK, Daniela Melchior as Ratcatcher 2 (who gave me strong A Plague Tale: Innocence vibes) and many more all play villains, but villains that don’t have particularly great superpowers. This is where the tragedy of Task Force X as a team plays a part, as many of these villains aren’t even good at being villains. They are useless, and the movie is really self aware of this and so treats all characters as they should be. Dare I also not forget to mention the CGI characters in this film, with both Weasel and King Shark being absolute scene stealers! 

The Suicide Squad is the type of wham-bam-thank-you-mam batshit crazy entertainment which exists for the pure reasons of fun. It doesn’t set out to be the best superhero film ever, nor does it need to be. It’s an exhilarating, shocking, funny and amusing ride from beginning to end, with the energy never stopping, and is easily the best time I’ve had with a comic-book film in a long while, and I’m even talking about before COVID! Do yourself a favour and watch this one as soon as you can, as I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again - The Suicide Squad is a BLAST!!

Overall score: 9/10