#Why do i have to decide which iteration i’m willing to put up with when i’ve cleaned the case for the tenth time

[camtankerous]

why is it impossible to not have little pieces of hair inside my phone case

[herearedragons]

Updated Inquisitors: Aqun Adaar

Aqun is an archer artificer rogue. He's about 30 and has no canon romance. He's also half-human.

I tried to write a breakdown of his themes like I did with Evelyn, but couldn't do it. It's probably because he's one of my favorite OCs and I just have too many thoughts about him, but also because he has two story arcs (as Inquisitor and as a companion), which focus on different things.

The Inquisitor version of him commits to the role without hesitation. Out of everyone involved, he has the least personal stakes in everything that's happening and the easiest way out(the Valo-Kas are still there and very much willing to back him up if he decides to leave), but maybe that's why; he doesn't do it for an idea or because he's being forced to, he chooses to do it because it's right. The world needs to be fixed, and he can fix it, so he will. The Inquisition becomes something personal to him; he gets involved in as many things as he can, from fighting and scouting to research, and does his absolute best to ensure its success. Out of all my Inquisition PCs, he's the one that truly becomes the Inquisitor, rather than reluctantly accepting the role or wearing it like a mask.

But it takes its toll. The pressure of the role is even higher when it's personal, and it brings out both the best and worst in him. There's also the Anchor; It messes with his sleep, it messes with his aim, it nearly makes his hand slip when he's trying to disarm a trap. And, as someone who's usually very put together, who's used to control, it drives him crazy. He never placed much faith in the 'Qunari will go savage if unchecked' idea, but the Anchor, at some points, enrages him so much that he almost reconsiders that. He barely recognizes himself in these moments.

So yeah, his Inquisitor storyline is about expectations and pressure and doing your damn job and control and loss of control and... yeah. It also doesn't have much of a clear resolution; he makes it to after Trespasser (almost) in one piece, and he believes he’s done some good in the world, and maybe that’s enough.

As a companion, the pressure of leading the Inquisition is obviously not there, so his arc focuses a little more on his backstory. He’s the son of a human scientist and a Tal-Vashoth warrior, and ended up joining the Valo-Kas because nobody else would employ him because of his descent. At first he was just selling traps and grenades to them, but eventually ended up becoming a full-time member and their resident explosives expert.

In the first iteration of his companion arc, I went with the idea that he became a mercenary out of necessity and would really rather apply his skills to something peaceful, and that’s… not incorrect, but I’m going to tweak this idea a bit. Because, well, he didn’t have to join the Valo-Kas. He could just keep selling to them. Or not even work with them at all, it's not like he was desperate for money, his family runs a pretty much self-sufficient household.

So the new idea is that he ended up with the mercenaries because part of him wanted to. Sure, he enjoys building and repairing and applying his skills peacefully, but a part of him is fascinated with the destructive applications of the same skills. And then, like in the original version, his companion storyline would allow the Inquisitor to convince him to go in either direction; either stop the mercenary work and do something constructive with his knowledge, or embrace the fact that he likes making weapons, he's good at it, and there's nothing wrong with that. Both endings are good endings, and honestly even if you don't do his quest he's still going to be fine. He would also probably have a lot of dialogue about his family.

All in all, this version of him was created so that I can have a character I like in more world states, but I do like it. It lets me write about his parents (who are cool characters on their own) and let him have more casual moments and just. Not be constantly stressed.

(also, he used to have a romance with Adina(the other Valo-Kas companion OC I made), but I like them as best friends way better. And if I had to choose a romance from the main game for him, he probably has the best chemistry with Josephine, but a) I haven't played her romance so I'm not sure if the vibes fit, b) it might end up the exact same way as with Adina, with them just being BFFs instead.)

[five-rivers]

Okay no but Vlad just trying to womb Danny before Clockwork does, not bothering to explain one goddamn thing to the poor lad. Just a one-shot. Danny escapes and flies off at the end. Clockwork in his tower laughs/chuckles at Vlad's attempt. How would that go. What would the attempt even look like

If Danny were to make a list of his least favorite places to be, all iterations of 'Vlad's house' would rate somewhere below lovely vacation spots like the River of Revulsion, the Consuming Maw, and Hell. Despite this, he wound up at one or another of Vlad's residences with some frequency.

But he'd never been to Vlad's lair. He very much did not want to break his streak of 'not being in Vlad's lair,' because as bad as being in all of Vlad's other houses was, a ghost's lair moved according to its owner's will.

Which is why his current predicament (hit with the Plasmius Maximus and in one of Skulker's nets) was so disturbing.

"Uh, Skulker, when you said lair you meant his stupidly oversized castle mansion thing in Wisconsin, right?"

"Didn't you blow that up?"

"Oh. Well, yeah, but he rebuilt." Danny subtly began picking at the knots tying the net together.

"And then you blew it up again."

"Okay, I can see how you'd think that, but the second time wasn't me. It was the government."

"Right. Sure." If Skulker had recognizable irises pupils, Danny was sure they'd be rolling.

"No, really. But I'm sure I could blow up his actual lair, too, you know? So, I'm not sure why he'd want me there. Actually, I'm not sure why you're taking me there instead of, you know, skinning me yourself."

"Something I've been asking myself since you woke up and started talking."

"Always such a kidder. But seriously."

"Well, you see, I like having an independent existence," said Skulker, "and that takes money and resources. Besides, I can always hunt you again after this. You'll be even more of a challenge!"

"Why will I be more of a challenge in Vlad's stupid lair? You know he's just going to try and clone and replace me again."

Skulker snorted.

"How do you even do that in a robot suit?"

"That's for me to know and you to never find out."

They came to a stop in front of a purple door decorated with elaborate gold inlay.

"Ugh, he's so pretentious," complained Danny, covering up the fact that his heart was currently beating out of his chest.

Skulker knocked on the door, which immediately flew open, revealing Vlad as Plasmius.

"Wow, were you waiting for us at the door? Needy much?"

Vlad looked down his nose at Danny. "I don't expect you to understand, Daniel. Yet."

"Do you practice being ominous in the mirror? I think you'd benefit from improv classes. More feedback from real people. I'd say get it from your friends but- Ow!" Danny yelped as Vlad hit him with a miniature ectoblast.

"You'll receive your payment in the usual way," said Vlad, blandly.

"Great," said Skulker. "Have fun, whelp."

Danny struggled reflexively as Skulker handed the net over. It didn't do any good. The door to Vlad's lair shut with a definitive thud.

"Whatever you're planning," said Danny, "you aren't going to get away with it."

"I daresay I already have, son."

"I'm not your son, fruitloop," hissed Danny. (The Plasmius Maximus might have rendered his ghost half dormant, but that didn't mean it was gone, or that he didn't retain behaviors learned from it in all forms.)

"Hm," said Vlad. He touched the back of Danny's neck through the net, then traced over his skin to the edge of his jaw, which he forced up so Danny had to twist uncomfortably, his hair catching in the net.

Danny scratched at the hand, but of course Vlad was, as always, wearing those thick gloves, and Danny's fingernails were currently very human and blunt.

"You're a feral little thing, aren't you?" He pushed Danny's neck into a position that was actively painful without the benefit of ghostly flexibility. "Not for long, though, I should think."

Without another word, he strode off into the depths of his lair.

Vlad's lair was much like his mortal residences. Vampire meets football fan meets dramatic gothic romance that missed the point. If Danny had access to his ghost half, he suspected he'd be able to feel Vlad's ectosignature permeating the ectoplasm in the air to an oppressive degree.

As it was, the heat was bad enough. His body had long since offloaded the task of cooling to his ghost half, and was having some trouble remembering how to act.

"Here we are," said Vlad, stopping in front of an especially fancy door. He opened it, and threw Danny in, then closed the door without entering.

Danny, a bit confused by this turn of events, took stock of his surroundings. The door had smoothed out into a tapestry-covered wall. The room was lit only by ectoplasmic glow and felt oddly... soft. All surfaces were upholstered with ornate, green and gold embroidered cloth. There were many pillows, but no hard furniture.

Also, the ectoplasm in the air was so thick it almost felt like Danny was underwater and so charged with energy his hair was standing on end. Even with his ghost half thoroughly zapped by the Plasmius Maximus, it was making Danny feel a little tipsy. If his ghost half had been active at all, he would have been blissed out and essentially immobile as he involuntarily gorged himself.

He shuddered at the thought. The energy here was probably very Vlad, not to mention putting Danny into that state was probably Vlad's plan.

Which, Danny decided, was the most disturbing part of all of this. Small doses of energized ectoplasm acted like side-effect free energy drinks for Danny. Sufficiently large doses, or prolonged exposure to high-energy ectoplasm, however, acted like a euphoric and a depressant for reasons Danny didn't understand. Since this didn't seem to be the case for any other ghosts he'd encountered, Danny had chosen to keep it quiet.

This meant that either Vlad had the same problem, and it was a halfa thing (no evidence, plus, if that was the case he'd have a hard time getting Danny out of here... assuming he'd eventually want to do that), or he'd been putting spy cams in Fentonworks again (historical precedent).

Either way, it meant that Danny had a time limit. Once the Plasmius Maximus wore off, it was limp noodle time for Danny.

He squirmed until he found the tied-shut opening of the net. As opposed to the structural knots, this would probably be easier to deal with.

... of course Skulker was also good at tying knots, darn it.

Eventually, with slightly raw fingertips, Danny crawled out of the net. Now what? The room had no doors.

If he had been in the larger Ghost Zone, he could walk through walls as a human with little effort, convincing unattached structures to go intangible around him through force of will. Even Walker's Prison, that he claimed and maintained, could be cajoled.

Lairs were different. Lairs were tied to the wills of their ghosts. Unless the power levels of the ghost in question was vastly beneath your own, attempting to fight a ghost in their lair was futile.

Getting this room to let him out would be hard.

But maybe not impossible.

Thing was, lairs were tied to their ghosts' wills. Not their brains.

(And Vlad wasn't the brightest guy to begin with.)

Danny put on his 'acting' face. "Wow, I sure love unkie Vwad~"

.

After several long, excruciatingly embarrassing minutes of monologuing about how awesome Vlad was and how cool it would be if he let him out, Danny was able to push through the wall into the corridor outside.

Embarrassing for Vlad, that is. Even having done it on purpose, Danny was still rather surprised that Vlad fell for it.

Okay. Now, all he had to do was find the door out, and assuming that Vlad's lair wasn't one that shuffled itself internally all the time...

There!

It wasn't even locked.

He dove through the door and out into the Ghost Zone, not caring that he couldn't fly in human form. Falling was fine. It was fast. There wasn't anything for him to hit.

Well...

He was inching closer to terminal velocity now.

It was mostly fine.

How long ago had he been hit by the Plasmius Maximus?

.

Far away in a very different lair, Clockwork smiled fondly at Daniel's antics. Plasmius, Plasmius, Plasmius. Didn't he know that he'd never get anywhere like that?

Clockwork set his chin on his fist as he watched Daniel fall and gently nudged various real world debris out of his path. He had a room like that in his lair as well, infinitely more suitable, waiting for Daniel. Waiting for the right time.

And, as Master of Time, Clockwork was sure it would come soon.

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 07 part one

(Masterpost)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Clan Sanren

Lanny Granny gets a second wind and continues her Yin Iron Webinar.

Wei Wuxian explains that although he was adopted by the Jiang Clan, Baoshan Sanren is his grandmaster, via his mom. Lan Yi claims to think that this is pretty great.

Lan Yi: Wow, amazing, my ex girlfriend who I dumped has settled down and started her own family Clan now, that’s so great. I’m so happy for her. So happy. So great. I mean, when I left I didn’t really picture her finding happiness first, you know? I kind of expected to have settled down myself by now but it’s hard to date when you’re trapped in an ice cave putting headbands on rabbits for 100 years. But it’s fine! I love my life and I’m sure eventually I’ll find that special rabbit person.  Anyway I’m just...SUPER happy for Baoshan. Really. Really happy. For Baoshan. 

Lan Wangji also appears to have thoughts about it, because he reacts pretty intently.

 Lan+Sanren 4EvR. 

Wang Yibo is looking extra fine in this cave sequence, with no headband to distract from his fierce eyebrows.  

Lan Wangji asks Lan Yi if she’s the one who pulled them into the cave, and she says nope, and then nobody ever explains how they ended up in the cave. “Perhaps it’s destiny” does not count as an explanation. 

Lan Gran explains that her battery is running down. The Lan bunnies are not energizer bunnies, apparently. She also tells them that it’s impossible to destroy the Yin Iron and that the only solution is to put it back in the cave and try to suppress it again. 

(more after the cut)

However by Episode 23 it inexplicably becomes super easy to destroy the Yin Iron...

...meaning Lan Yi spent 100 years in a cave for nothing, other than writing the Definitive Guide to Rabbit Headbands. 

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji get back into Hardy Boys cultivator mode, but this time with an extremely long held gaze, which I think is their first time doing this.

I mean...even if these boys are 100% neurotypical (and hello, they are not), this is a LOT of eye contact. I can't gaze that long at anything except my phone screen. 

We Will Achieve The Thing Together

Narrator: they will not achieve the thing

The reason I got into c-drama in the first place is, after decades of western storytelling tropes, it’s so refreshing to watch a story and have literally no idea what’s going to happen. Even when the story sets things up to happen a certain way according to my learned experience of stories, it just doesn’t play out that way. For example, if you’re watching The Lost Tomb Reboot and you expected the jade-mining sequence to end with a slave uprising, you were as surprised as I was. 

Here Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian promise to do their best to find and suppress the Yin iron. Lan Wangji is going to fail at this, allowing this here piece to fall into the hands of the Wens, because unlike his uncle he's not willing to let his clan die to protect it.  

Wei Wuxian is going to take his not-doing-the-thing several steps further, finding and refining his very own piece of extra-badass Yin iron. Yes, he has reasons for this and a lot of stuff happens along the way, but in terms of your typical quest storyline, it would be as if Frodo figured out how to use the one ring to kick Sauron’s ass, rather than (with help) destroying it. Again: this is why I LIKE c-drama. 

Lan Wangji tries to shut Wei Wuxian out of his quest and Wei Wuxian makes a short but utterly character-defining speech. 

You can’t stop me

I know what’s right. 

And then he says that his Grandmaster Baoshan Sanren was isolated because of the Yin Iron, and he has a responsibility to her. Lan Yi agrees. So...he just kinda quit the Jiang Clan right there, didn’t he? In favor of eventually becoming a wandering cultivator like his Grandmaster and clan uncle (Xiao Xichen), and like his mother. 

He is also going to follow in his father’s footsteps by upsetting his Clan Leader when he falls in love. Gosh, he also, like his parents, will die and leave an orphan to fend for himself. So -- the apple doesn't fall far from the tree I guess.

He doesn't realize the pickle he’s getting himself into, of course. Being Wei Wuxian, he thinks he can balance all of his increasing obligations, but being human, he won’t be able to. 

Pardon Our Entwinement

Lan Yi leaves to catch the spiritual plane, the Yin iron drops, the ward breaks, and Wen Ning appears to download a new software update. The kind that breaks your video driver and photoshops your eyeballs.  

Wen Qing comes nosing around the cave wall, and Jiang Cheng stops by to ask what she’s up to. 

He hopes she’s trying to find his brother, just like he will fail to do for her & her brother one day.  

The boys fall out of the wall together, in a nice example of the “oops I’m accidentally humping you” c-drama romance trope. To keep it censor-friendly, Wei Wuxian is actually on the ground next to Lan Wangji’s right knee but the shot is framed so that at a glance he appears to be in a much cozier position. 

Lan Wangji goes on an expression journey don’t say facial through several “oh shit we’re caught” faces, while Wei Wuxian shows Lan Wangji a few iterations of his oh-face. 

Jiang Cheng wants to know what the fuck they have been getting up to for a day and a night. 

The movie wasn't so hot, it didn't have much of a plot, we fell asleep our goose is cooked our reputation is shot

Wen Qing detects that they were somewhere cold and decides it’s her turn to ask nosy questions. Lan Wangji does the guilty startle thing. 

Fortunately Wei Wuxian doesn’t have that problem.

He turns his answer into a prolonged whine about how cold it was, how lost they were, etc. This annoys Jiang Cheng into dropping it and saying they should head back. 

I’m awesome right? so awesome right?

Wei Wuxian gives Lan Wangji a significant look to show that he’s deploying a rhetorical strategy on purpose to distract his questioner. Lan Wangji super does not know how to do that. 

Flute + Yin Iron = Profit

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji get to watch as Lan Qiren and Lan Xichen tame the hunk of iron and stick it in the bag of holding. Wei Wuxian pays verrrryyy careful attention to this whole “use a flute to control the Yin iron” lesson. 

Lan Xichen really should reconsider his music-lessons side hustle. Arguably this one doesn’t turn out as badly for him personally as teaching guqin to Jin Guangyao does, but it doesn’t turn out great, either. 

知己啊  - zhi-ji-ah

This mostly-tedious Yin Iron conversation with the elders includes a super-important WangXian moment.

Wei Wuxian calls Lan Wangji his zhiji. This is the same word he will use later in the “what am I to you?” conversation during the Jin night hunt, and the word Lan Xichen will use when saying why Lan Wangji wouldn’t repudiate him during his forced isolation. As always, for the full meaning of this word, @hunxi-guilai​ is brills.

A Wen spy bird shows up, and Lan Wangji really wants to chase it, but Lan Xichen says no. 

This happens a lot, actually. Lan Wangji is not a cool-headed person, despite appearances.  Likewise the boys want to go searching for the Yin Iron and the adults want them to slow their roll. 

Being a teenager is frustrating, particularly with a classic “I didn’t actually listen to you before making a decision” adult like Lan Qiren in charge. 

Lying is my First Class Spiritual Tool

Nie Huasang shows up and has his usual hilariously varied reaction to Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji - an enthusiastic “Wei-Xiong!” followed by a nervous & meek “Lan Er Gongzi” and a bow to Lan Wangji.  

He wants to know what happened and Wei Wuxian once again shows his powers of rhetoric. 

I like to call it my “devil snake.” 

He puts off all of Nie Huaisang’s potential questions by really knowing his questioner well and completely distracting him.  

This time Lan Wangji seems impressed. 

Jelly Jiang Cheng

Young Master Cockblock shows up and lets loose with a display of total naked jealousy. That carving on Wei Wuxian’s bed back in Lotus Pier...is that him and Jiang Cheng? Because damn, this boi is jealous. 

...and so is Lan Wangji, apparently, or at least he’s disappointed to have Wei Wuxian taken away from him like that.  

Yearn Mode Enabled

Club Ruohan’s Foyer

Wen Chao and Xue Yang stand awkwardly in Wen Ruohan’s vestibule talking to the boss through a giant door, because sure, why not. 

This doesn’t bother Xue Yang, who as usual has no fucks to give. Except that today, Wen Ruohan tells him that the budget for his project finally got approved, which lifts his spirits quite a bit. 

His project to single-handedly slaughter an entire clan, and he is super excited about the kickoff meeting. 

Wen Chao is mopey because his brother gets all the good murder assignments and his dad doesn’t appreciate him. Boo fucking hoo. 

Periodic reminder that He Peng looks like this when he’s not playing Wen Chao.

Part 2 coming soon!

Soundtrack: Wake Up, Little Susie by the Everly Brothers

Bonus

[demonologist-in-denim]

Okay, let’s get into this, because I have put off talking about Crowley’s cut monologue from 12x23 for long enough. If you haven’t already, you can read it here, or in this great gifset.

I absolutely see why this was cut. And I’m only acknowledging it here to talk about why I not only think it doesn’t add anything to Crowley’s story or our understanding of him, but how it actually detracts from it. After that, I intend to ignore it and let it fade away into the ether of the spn fandom. That being said, deleted scenes and cut scripts live in a sort of canonical limbo – you can choose for yourself whether to accept them as canon, consider them glimpses from some alternative universe, or do away with them entirely. I’m choosing the latter in this instance.

(This was meant to be a post, but it turned into an essay.)

Whomever wrote this was either unfamiliar with Crowley as a character, or was intentionally twisting the character in such a way as to fit into the convenient narrative that removed him from the show. Blame it on Chuck in text, blame it on the showrunners outside of text, whatever your preference – this doesn’t read like Crowley.

There are very few parts of this monologue that felt in character, that read like something Crowley would say. Not just in the tone or the choice of words, but the openness of it. And that’s coming from someone who writes reformed and/or human Crowley, with his admittance to remorse and shame and love. In this cut script, he is uncharacteristically vulnerable, sharing self-reflections he would never have shared aloud at this point in his character development. His dialogue lacks the layers of meaning or deflection that Crowley would normally employ, that he employed everywhere else in the show, even when being emotionally vulnerable.

That’s not to say that Crowley didn’t think or feel these things – I will argue to the end of my days (in spn fandom) that after the cure, Crowley hated himself. He hated that he was alone and unloved. Some part of that was due to being a demon and the horrible, evil, messy things he’d done, and some of it he believed was due to his inherent lack of worth. And I think this monologue was written in part to have Crowley make that final confession out loud. Final because, if that’s the case and he’s willing to admit it – to his former enemies and now the only people he really has in his life – his story can only take one of two directions: redemption or death. Embrace the desire for change and move forward as a reformed demon and full Winchester ally, or dramatically (and unnecessarily) sacrifice himself.

And there is a way to write that, but with Crowley properly in character and with the emotional complexity we know him to possess, not this blatant declaration. Maybe the line would have worked depending on how Mark Sheppard played it, and it only falls so flat because it’s just a script – I’m willing to allow for that. But this moment, facing down the boys after letting Lucifer loose, in front of an audience of Mary Winchester that he doesn’t know well and isn’t comfortable with, it doesn’t feel like a moment for Crowley to be this open, this vulnerable, about something so personal and so monumental.

I’ve no doubt that Crowley expected the Winchesters would one day kill him, “for good this time.” He was a demon working alongside a pair of hunters; there was always going to be that risk. Crowley was intelligent, one of the smartest characters on the show. He had to know that was how things would play out – either that, or he would die on their behalf, or because of their actions, even if he had ended up leaving Hell and joining Team Free Will. That was what happened to people around the Winchesters. Crowley warned Kevin of that himself. “They use people up, and leave them to die bloody.” Crowley knew. And as he internalized more and more of his blood-born conscience, Crowley had to believe on some level that he deserved it, especially if he hated himself and what he’d done.

But once again, if Crowley was going to say something like that, that’s not how he’d say it. It would be as a dismissive aside, or a knife in Dean’s gut in a moment of intense emotion between the two of them, or as a rebuke that the Winchesters badly deserved. Or better yet, as something remarked between himself and Cas, who Crowley likely suspected would outlast him but also ultimately die in service of the Winchester cause. Words like those have power. And it’s unlike Crowley to lay them down in supplication like this. It doesn’t even feel like a heart-felt confession, like his monologue in 8x23. It reads like someone wrote what was meant to be under Crowley’s words, the intention behind his dialogue, the much-exalted subtext, but failed to add all the layers on top of it, to put it in actual character.

I’m just going to bundle the whole beginning of the monologue together and toss it out entirely. Firstly because I’ve argued more than once that Crowley is an unreliable narrator when it comes to his human life. What we know of it from Rowena comes with an agenda, and what we know of it from Gavin comes from a man who had a difficult relationship with his father. It’s about as reliable as young Dean telling stories to Sammy about their parents’ time together. And there’s canonical errors in this monologue to back that up – we know Crowley wasn’t buried in a pauper’s grave, because we saw it 6x04. The “dying in a puddle of his own sick” is a great detail in terms of storytelling, but it’s almost directly repeated from Rowena, who said it as a belittling comment to a young Fergus. It’s too forced. And we know at least Gavin came to the funeral, because he tells us so in a deleted scene in 12x13 (remember what I said about getting to pick and choose when it comes to cut scripts and deleted scenes?).

But more importantly – and this is the part that really grates – Crowley’s iteration of his human life reinforces the narrative of absolute morality in the spn universe. It supports the argument that if a character becomes a demon, it must be because they were a terrible person. There is no room for human flaws, for characters to have made mistakes – and that doesn’t just hinder characters in terms of backstory, but in character development and emotional growth moving forward. It’s a stance spn takes more than once, and especially with non-human characters, though never in regards to the Winchesters. The Winchesters can become soulless or demons, but they were “always good” before that, so they are deserving of redemption. If Crowley or other non-humans were “always bad,” that absolves the Winchesters from seeing them as people deserving of help, or of their ability to change, or even to be seen as beings deserving of any level of respect or agency. And it absolves the showrunners from writing a character capable of development, of being able to grow beyond their previous flaws.

That’s not to say that Fergus MacLeod wasn’t some or all of those things. But if he was a complex character – if he was a person, as all stories should aim to present their characters – then he was all of that and more, just as the Winchesters are their virtues and their faults all wrapped up in an individual person. And if Crowley had brought this up some other time, in reference to his human life, none of this discussion would be necessary. It would be easy to say: he’s an unreliable narrator, and this provides us with insight into how Crowley feels about himself, and it would be interesting and valuable. But here, it’s used in justification for Crowley’s status as irredeemable – which is not true – and as part of justification for what happens next.

Crowley’s death was written by the showrunners as an excuse to remove him from the show – attribute that to budget costs for the show, or running out of story ideas for Crowley, or creative laziness, whatever you want. And within spn, it can be attributed to Chuck not wanting another character like Cas muddling up his Winchester Brothersᵀᴹ grand narrative. I’ve written before both in posts and in fic about how Crowley’s character-central instinct for self-preservation crumbles into depression after losing Hell and the seemingly-irreversible depletion of his and Dean’s friendship in 12x23. And that this ushers in a desire to End in such a way that achieves revenge against Lucifer (not a significant motivation, in my opinion, you’ve got to outlive your enemies to win against them), earns him the appreciation of the Winchesters, saves the world (proving his capacity for good), and brings about an end to his waiting. Glory through death, redemption in death – tropes that are hard to associate with Crowley unless you buy into his character’s devolvement in the latter half of season 12, but which the writers do their best to smooth into place and the fandom was forced to choke down.

And I won’t argue that Crowley didn’t wanted an end to his waiting – I’d argue the opposite in fact. This blatant preference for suicide, however, is antithesis to everything Crowley. What Crowley wanted in that End wasn’t an end of himself, but an end to existing in a state of perpetual limbo. Be accepted by the good guys, embrace his more human aspects, or return to the full dark depravity of demonkind. An end to the emotional rollercoaster, to continuous and destructive self-doubt, to striving to be both the king Hell needed and the ally the Winchesters refused to admit they benefited from having. That’s entirely different than wanting to end himself. As much as Crowley hated himself, he would never have considered death to be a preferable option – not unless some outside force, be it Chuck or the spn showrunners, decided otherwise for him.

Even if that had been the case, and I am wrong about Crowley’s characterization and his motivations, I still do not think he would have been as open about that motivation as is written in this cut script. It is just not like him. It is too vulnerable, too self-pitying. Crowley was always concerned about the others around him, and especially the Winchesters, thinking less of him. He never would have said something like this to them, not as this is written. Nor would Crowley have gone to the Winchesters with the intention of them killing him. He might have known it was a possibility, once he confessed his actions, (and from his perspective, there was the chance the Winchesters didn’t know of his involvement in Lucifer’s escape anyway), but it would never have been his intention. It’s not unknown for Crowley to encourage abuse from those he’s wronged, and to revel in the attention and emotions of it (here I’m thinking specifically of Kevin beating him in 9x02), maybe considering the punishment just and due. And Crowley at this point likely suspected he would eventually meet his end in some way involving the Winchesters. But death by their hands in this moment would have involved none of the justifying benefits of death by his own hand only a few scenes later – glory, revenge, redemption, a sense of closure.

Compare this cut monologue and its potential death – at the hands of the Winchesters after confessing his role in Lucifer’s escape – to this cut line of dialogue from later in 12x23. “Tell Dean he was right – you bloody fools have rubbed off on me.” This is Crowley. This is emotional complexity, admittance to a change of heart, self-awareness, and a brave act of equal defiance and sacrifice, with his usual smug, snarky dismissal. This isn’t suicide brought on by depression, by an uncharacteristic vulnerability. It is resolved, determined, if reluctant. This is Crowley choosing the greater good and the boys, even if it means sacrificing himself.

For me, this small addition smooths over much of the unevenness in the showrunner’s attempts to justify Crowley’s death. He has lost Hell, he believes he’s had an irreversible falling out with Dean – all of which could be overcome, grown beyond. But then a rift opens, and Lucifer is an immediate danger, and it requires a life to save the day. Crowley knows it can’t be either of the boys – that tends to have world-ending effects – and it can’t be Mary Winchesters or Castiel, because of “Winchester man-pain.” So that leaves Crowley. And having exhausted all immediate alternatives, Crowley does what internalized Winchester logic and conscience tells him is right. It would still require a moment of hesitation, a moment we see him combatting his deeply imbedded trait of self-preservation. But at least that would have been in character and show definitive character growth on Crowley’s part.

So yes, I completely agree with the decision to cut this monologue in 12x23. It doesn’t tell us anything about Crowley that we don’t already know, and is uncharacteristic of him, and provides out-of-character justification for his actions that wasn’t needed. You don’t have to agree with me, obviously. And I’ll end this rather long rant of an essay by saying what I always say: that Crowley deserved better. He deserved better than the mangling of his character’s motivations in the latter half of season 12, and he deserved better than this monologue. I’m glad it was cut from the final script.

[fencer-x]

Fencer’s Big Eva Review

Just got done watching the Eva finale, so it’s time to get out thoughts while they’re fresh! Caveat: Eva is difficult to understand for native speakers, and I’m definitely not a native speaker XD I feel like I got maybe half, and got the rough gist of like 10% of the rest, and the remaining was just no friggin’ clue. Would’ve gone better if there’d at least been JP subs, but you’ll have to deal with what I’ve got for now!

It should be obvious, but there’ll be HELLA MAJOR SPOILERS for the final Evangelion movie. Ready? Let’s go.

The movie very helpfully starts off with a ~2 min recap of the movies thus far. This was great because I didn’t have time to rewatch the previous three before going, and while I’ve seen them a few times, it took me a second the recall what had happened at the very end of Q, so I was glad to get a very brief recap.

The actual movie itself opens on...Paris! Or Paris post-Near-Third-Impact (Third Impact?), which is a red and black wasteland. It seems that Wille has been developing these things that look like Entry Plugs that they shove into the ground and restore everything to pre-all-impacts (so like, blue water and everything); couldn’t get HOW it managed that, but they had them and were attempting to restore Paris.

Would have been a walk in the park except for weird Eva-Angel-Machine hybrids that were trying to prevent them from activating the plugs. Lots of fighting happens, with Mari piloting her Eva to give them cover while the Wille staff set everything up. Eventually they manage it, and Euro Nerv is restored.

Then we switch over to right where Q left off: Asuka, Clone!Rei, and a catatonic Shinji wandering around trying to go who knows where. They eventually get picked up by...Touji! Yes, an older Touji now who lives in a commune of survivors, scraping out a semblance of a life in one of the areas protected by the aforementioned plugs (they had another name but I couldn’t get it).

In this community, Touji is the local doctor--and he’s married with a kid! He married Hikari, and they have an infant daughter named Tsubame. 

Now, let’s check in how our main three do when introduced to this relatively normal life they get to enjoy for a few weeks:

Asuka: Still in ‘fight mode’, ready to go at a moment’s notice. How she thinks she’s gonna fight when she has no Eva idk, but for this entire little bit, she’s either naked or in her plugsuit. She stays with Aida Kensuke, who’s kind of the handyman, and is generally just rude af.

Shinji: For 90% of this bit, he’s totally shut off. He’s incredibly fucked up from having JUST watched Kaworu die, essentially because of him, and Asuka has on a DSS choker, and every time he sees it, he collapses and begins vomiting violently. He stays with the Suzuharas at first but is quickly sent to stay with Asuka and Kensuke because they don’t really know how to deal with him. Kensuke manages to get him to open up a little bit, but eventually it’s Rei who gets him started on the path back to being himself. At one point he runs away and ‘lives’ alone for a while in what I think was either the building where he first met Kaworu playing the piano or one that looked a lot like it. He goes out to do odd jobs with Kensuke a lot, and on one occasion he’s taken to an ‘outdoor lab’ where some workers are experimenting with new gardening techniques. It’s here he’s meets...Kaji Ryouji. No, not that Kaji Ryouji. That Kaji DIED. This is the son he had with Misato (named after him).

Rei: Now, let me say I’ve never been super interested in Rei. I didn’t dislike her, like I did Asuka, but I wasn’t really interested in her either. She was just there. Guys.....I LOVED REI IN THIS MOVIE. I would have watched 2.5 hours of the Rei Learns To Be A Human show and been happy for the $20 I paid. Rei spends her time in the commune learning to be an individual. She stays with the Suzuharas and learns what different words mean, like “Good morning” and “Good night” and “Thank you” and “Goodbye”, she gets super close with a bunch of old ladies who essentially adopt her and teach her how to plant turnips and what a bath is, and she becomes her own person. When she first arrives, the Suzuharas think she’s “Ayanami Rei”, but she explains that she isn’t, so they call her “Sokkuri-san” instead (”Miss Spitting Image” essentially), and the old ladies find it amusing at first but then encourage her to choose her own name, and when she can’t think of one, they tell her to have someone choose one for her, so she asks the Uber-Depressed Shinji to choose one. These interactions are what eventually pull him back to himself, but ultimately he’s unable to come up with one, because “Ayanami is Ayanami”. She thanks him for trying anyway, returns his SD player to him..............................and then dissolves into a pile of LCL fluid, as apparently all clones eventually return to LCL. Fantastic, because Shinji didn’t need EVEN MORE TRAUMA.

Somehow, the above doesn’t break Shinji, and he resolves to go back to Wille and face his father I guess?? I’m not entirely clear on why (gotta go read some reports of my own I guess lol). Back on the ship with Misato et al., Shinji isn’t forced to wear a choker but he’s put in a cell with like explosives in it I guess. He starts having visions of Kaworu helping him accept things.

At this point it’s getting close to the climax, and Wille are going after Nerv/Gendo once and for all. During the final fight, Asuka tried to take out Unit 13′s core, and then she’s not managing it, she rips off her eyepatch, and we see that the patch was keeping the 9th angel bound within her eye, so she decides to throw away her humanity and let it take over to destroy Unit 13. Unfortunately, she’s killed in the end--how? She’s approached by a vision of her ‘original’. Yup, Asuka was a clone herself, like Rei, and she turns back into LCL and she and unit 02 are absorbed by Unit 13.

Eventually the fight comes down to Shinji vs. Gendo, who has thrown away his own humanity and bonded with Unit 13 in the hopes of completing the Human Instrumentality Project. He and Shinji go head to head as Shinji summons (???) Unit 01 from inside Unit 13, and there’s a really REALLY WEIRD final fight between the two that involves some weird animation choices. Lots of storyboards and overly CGI’d CGI, and some bits that seem to take them through the different incarnations of the Eva series.

We also get Gendo backstory by the boatload as he and Shinji have an actual goddamn conversation for once. Mari features prominently in Gendo’s flashbacks so she was definitely one of his classmates it seems, who introduced him to Fuyutsuki. I’m still not entirely clear on who she is/was.

However, through this conversation, Shinji gives the people he’s interacted with most closely/been closest with closure I guess? Gendo, Asuka...Kaworu.

So about Kaworu. Their conversation was VERY VERY WEIRD; it’s made clear that Shinji is also now aware of all the different iterations of their meeting. When they talk, it’s set at the beach where they first met in the TV series, and Shinji says he remembers all the times they’ve met before. Shinji mentions that Kaworu reminds him a lot of his father, and then there are some very strange flashbacks (????) of Kaworu’s that I feel like imply he’s to Gendo as Rei is to Yui. At one point, he’s seen talking to Fuyutsuki, trying to decide on a name for himself and settling on ‘Nagisa’ as it means ‘beach’, where the ocean meets the land. Fuyutsuki later addresses Kaworu, who’s sitting in Gendo’s desk, as “Commander Nagisa”. Kaworu reflects to Shinji that he failed so many times to make Shinji happy, but he’s realized now that that’s because he doesn’t know what would make Shinji happy and it was arrogant to think he knew better. He was looking for his own happiness all along.

In the end, after all these goodbyes, Shinji is left with the decision of what to do with, well, reality. He decides, in a conversation with Rei, that he’ll reset everything--create a ‘neon genesis’--to a world without Eva or Angels.

Our last shot is an older Shinji meeting his (presumed??) girlfriend Mari on a train platform. On the opposite platform waiting for their own train are Kaworu, Asuka, and Rei. Shinji and Mari hold hands and run, laughing, from the train station.

NEON GENESIS EVANGELION GOT A HAPPY ENDING. 2021 REALLY BE OUT HERE WILDING.

My final thoughts:

Okay I’ll say it: the fuck with Shinji/Mari endgame? Believe me, it was completely out of left field even in this movie. They just happened to be the only final survivors. Mari flirted a hell of a lot more with ASUKA and was distraught at her death than she did with Shinji. They were a kind of cute couple in the end, but very ????? 

I’m disappointed Shinji wasn’t the one to give Kaworu his happiness in the end, after Kaworu spent so long and so many lives and realities trying to make him happy and failing. I’m choosing to believe, since these multiple realities/resets are canon now, that he did it in one of them. They all deserve the happiness of their choosing, not just Shinji’s, and Kaworu showed us time and time again that his happiness definitively involves being with Shinji.

I’m sure I missed a lot, because yanno, Eva, and it was long enough as is, but gosh I wish I could’ve understood more of everything that was going on, cause there was SO MUCH WEIRD SHIT.

If I watch this movie again, I will 500% just be watching those “Rei learns to be human with the help of a bunch of old cackling biddies” bits :> Those were THE BEST PARTS OF THE MOVIE.

[hypmic-writings]

Hi! ☺️ Can i request a scenario where nemu’s friend ‘s been in love with samatoki and finally decided to tell him their feelings. For the ending, you can decide if you want it to be fluff or angst. Thank you and have a nice day 😊😊

Thanks for requesting! This was adorable and, like everything else I’ve ever written, got a bit out of hand. Hope you enjoy~

--

You watched closely as Samatoki, Ichiro, Sasara, and Kuko laughed and joked around at the table. Having taken a position in the kitchen, you were able to hear the discussion without having to be a part of it.

This lead you to a pastime you had recently become fond of – watching Samatoki.

You watched him closely as his face shifted through a range of emotions, noting how intense his scowl looked when he was annoyed, yet how charming his smile looked when he laughed. His silver hair was slightly pulled back and his sharp, red eyes watched his teammates closely as the conversation flowed.  

“Y/N, you’re staring again,” Nemu giggled as you quickly turned towards her, your cheeks turning a delicate shade of pink.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about…” you mumbled, pulling out your phone in an effort to avoid her gaze. She laughed once more and nudged you gently in the arm.

“You can’t hide your feelings from me so easily, you know,” she said from the seat next to you. “Samatoki might be thick-headed, but I’m definitely not.”

You rolled your eyes at her, but took a moment to quickly glance back over at the table.

“I was just listening to their conversation. It’s not like I was paying any special attention to Samatoki,” you said, matter-of-factly. Nemu raised her eyebrow at you and shook her head.

“Oh yea? Tell me what they were just talking about,” she demanded, putting her hands on her hips. Your mind drew an utter blank and all you could think of was Samatoki’s jawline, and how good his outfit looked today.

“Um…a rap battle?” you guessed, knowing that this was the topic of 80% of their conversations. Nemu made a noise signaling that you had given the wrong answer and shook her head, bringing a hand up to her forehead.

“I don’t understand, if you like him so much, why not just ask him out?” she asked, pulling you over to the fridge so that you could help her put away the food she had bought.

You shifted your eyes quickly to Samatoki before bringing them back to your friend.

“I don’t know…what’s the point?” you asked, sighing. “He’s just going to say ‘sorry but I only think of you as a sister’ or something,” you grumbled, mimicking his voice. Nemu smiled encouragingly at you.

“Listen, I’ve known you since we were young and so has Samatoki. You’re a great friend and honestly, you make him a better person,” she iterated, tilting her head a bit. “And actually, I think you make him a lot less violent…” she trailed off in thought. You frowned a bit.

“What do you mean?” you asked, quizzically.

“Mmm, it’s hard to say exactly, but when he’s around you he gets a little softer. Like he doesn’t want to fight around you. Maybe he’s scared of hurting you?” she suggested. You bit your lip in thought.

“But he does the same with you, right? Wouldn’t that mean for sure that he thinks of me as a little sister?” you asked, sighing a bit. Nemu pouted and frowned.

“No, it’s different! I can’t explain it, but it is!” she exclaimed. You fidgeted with the hem of your dress as you thought about Samatoki.

It’s true that you had known him for an incredibly long time, but these feelings had never been this strong before. They had really only begun to form in the past few years. It was becoming increasingly more difficult to act natural around the boy when all he did was make your cheeks flush and your heart race.

Naturally, Nemu found out quickly, but Samatoki was non the wiser.

“Just go for it,” Nemu said, taking your had in her own and squeezing it encouragingly. “Plus, if you marry him, you’ll be my sister for real!” she squealed happily, making you blush once more and hush her quickly.

--

A few days later, you found yourself at the Aohitsugi residence once more. Nemu had texted you, asking if you wanted to go out, and you had agreed to meet her at her apartment. Unfortunately, she must have been running late, because when the door opened, it was Samatoki.

“Ah, S-Samatoki!” you exclaimed in surprise, your heart already beginning to beat a bit faster than normal. Samatoki casually took a step back, opening the door for you as he spoke.

“Hey, Y/N. Nemu had to run out for an errand real quick, but she said she would be back soon,” Samatoki said, pulling your coat from your hands and hanging it up for you. You took a deep breath and wondered if your friend had planned to leave you alone with him like this.

“Okay, that’s fine. I’ll just wait for her then,” you replied, trying to be calm, but finding your voice a few notes higher than usual. Samatoki frowned and looked over at you.

“You okay? Do you want some tea or anything? It’s pretty cold outside,” he remarked, closing the door quickly and following you into the apartment. You shook your head with a nervous smile.

“No, you don’t have to go through the trouble. I’m sure she’ll be here soon enough,” you said, waving your hands out in front of you. Samatoki shrugged.

“Whatever you say,” he said. “I’m putting on a pot for myself though, so I can’t promise I won’t make you some anyways,” he added, shooting you a small smile that made your breath catch in your throat.

You averted your eyes and quickly cleared your throat as you placed your bag on a nearby chair. There was a brief moment of silence as your thoughts raced. This was one of the very few times you had ever been completely alone with Samatoki. Maybe Nemu was right…maybe you had to clear the air with him. Regardless of how he felt about you, he deserved to know your feelings for him.

You would just have to deal with the aftermath.

You slowly turned from your spot towards the kitchen, clasping your hands together as your heart raced in your chest. Where you were once feeling cold when you walked into the apartment, you now felt like you were on fire.

You watched Samatoki for a moment as he poured water into the kettle. When he noticed you standing in the corner of the kitchen he looked up.

“Huh? What’s up? You look like you’re gonna throw up,” Samatoki said, a plain look on his face. You quickly covered your face with your hands and shook your head. Why would he say something like that!?

“No, it’s not…I’m fine,” you managed, taking a deep breath before looking back over at Samatoki. He had put down the pot and you know had his complete attention. His ruby eyes seemed to sparkle as the gazed at you and you willed yourself not to get lost in them.

“There’s something that I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while…” you began, slowly and trying to sound as sure of yourself as possible. “…I just never really knew how to say it…honestly, I still don’t think I know.”

You continued to hold his gaze as you bit your lip in anticipation.

“What are you talking about?” he asked, confused now. You quickly began to speak once more, afraid that you would be interrupted or lose the will to confess your feelings.

“I have feelings for you, Samatoki,” you blurted out, feeling the heat rise to your face as you quickly dropped your gaze down to your feet. “I’m not sure what brought them on, but…I like you,” you stated, a bit quieter now.

There was a brief moment of silence which made you slowly lift your gaze up to Samatoki’s. What you saw in his eyes was surprise and a bit of confusion. When he didn’t move or speak you frowned, your hand over your heart which was pounding hard.

“Do you like me?” you asked, barely audibly. When he realized that your eyes were now on him in anticipation, Samatoki moved his gaze away from you.

You could have been wrong, but you thought his cheeks appeared to be just the slightest shade of pink.

“What are you talking about? Of course, I like you,” he mumbled, crossing his arms in front of him. “I’ve known you forever. If I didn’t like you by now, you would know,” he added, his words sharp but his tone soft.

You could only let the words sink in and wonder if he was reciprocating your feelings, or if he had misunderstood you.

“No, Samatoki,” you said, working up the nerve to ask him as directly as possible. “I have…romantic…feelings for you…” you trailed off, dropping your eyes once more as the words you spoke were far too embarrassing to say to his face. You didn’t have to wait long for a response as Samatoki shifted in front of you.

“Yea, I got that,” he stated defensively. “…I’m not stupid you know…” he grumbled under his voice.

His words made you quickly look back at him, finding his face to be even more lit with a pink hue than before. He was turned away and had his eyes fixed elsewhere. This didn’t bother you though as you felt yourself break into a smile with a sigh of relief.

“Really? So you feel the same way?” you asked, bringing your hands together and gazing up at him with hope in your heart. He glanced back at you before closing his eyes and sighing, bringing a hand to the back of his neck.

“Yea, I guess you could say that…” he stated, lowly. You covered your mouth with your hand as you excitedly took a step towards him. He looked down at you now with wide eyes and shook his head.

“What’s with that face?” he asked, quickly holding his head high and keeping a straight face. You reached out and took his hand in your own, grinning at him, unable to contain your own happiness.

“I’m just really happy you feel the same way too! I was worried…” you started, but then decided it would be better not to tell him your worries.

Samatoki started slightly at your touch and gazed at you with wide eyes, his heart beating just a bit faster as you looked up at him with a loving smile. He turned away once more, pressing his lips into a thin line and feeling his cheeks warm up once again.

“You shouldn’t wait so long to tell me these kinds of things. Next time say something sooner, okay?” he said, turning all of his attention to the water on the boiler. You tilted your head in confusion.

“Next time?” you asked.

Before Samatoki could say anything else, the door opened and a voice called out.

“I’m home!”

You felt Samatoki jump at the sound and you quickly let go of his hand, taking a step back. You tried to leave the kitchen but before you could, Nemu popped her head into the doorway with a grin.

“Did I miss anything fun?”

[quicksilversquared]

The Supervillain Rap

Adrien has imagined discovering Hawkmoth's identity dozens of times- hundreds, even. He thought that he had imagined every possible iteration of how it could happen.

But identity reveal via rap? That’s a new one.

links in the reblog

Adrien tried not to sigh as the Gorilla pulled into the garage. His friends were planning on getting together that afternoon, and once again, he wasn't going to be joining them. It was a common occurrence, really, but this time it was entirely self-imposed.

Photoshoots and too many akuma attacks had meant that Adrien had fallen really far behind on his homework and general studying, and it was pretty stressful to not be completely on top of things. So he had made the decision to not go out this time, and hopefully he would be able to get caught up and not have to stay up past midnight to get things done this time. He had had to do it every single night now for several weeks running, and, well, he was getting worn down.

That didn't mean that he liked missing the get-together, though. Especially since he had gotten permission to go out with his friends this time around, back before he got so overwhelmed and exhausted.

Adrien hopped out of the car once it had stopped, doing his best not to slam the door when he closed it. His father had complained recently about how much noise people were making in the mansion- doors slamming, doors creaking and squeaking, footsteps echoing too loud in the atrium- and Adrien had done his best ever since to not make noise. The Gorilla spent pretty much an entire day oiling and re-hanging doors so that they would be absolutely silent when they opened, not that they had been very loud in the first place. As always, Gabriel Agreste was just being overly picky and dramatic.

Carefully- so that his father wouldn't scold him for running around and making noise- Adrien headed up the stairs. The Gorilla closed the garage door- and honestly, that was the biggest improvement of all the doors, Adrien hadn't even known that it was possible for a garage door to be so absolutely silent- and followed him up. Adrien reached the top and pushed the door partway open. Then he paused.

Because instead of a completely silent mansion, or the muted conversation of a conference call, there was music.

Puzzled, Adrien glanced backwards at the Gorilla. His bodyguard looked just as confused. He placed one hand on the door, keeping it open just that little bit, and gestured for Adrien to keep quiet. Adrien nodded- he was curious about what was going on, and if he made noise, then his father would turn off the music and probably be ticked off at Adrien for not keeping Nathalie entirely up to date on what he was doing and at the Gorilla for- well, Adrien wasn't sure what, but when his father got seen doing something that he didn't want people to know about, he got super ticked off instead of just making up some excuse.

Seriously, though, what was this music? Was his father listening to different music to set to one of his runways or something? Normally- when he was doing proper runways, at Fashion Week instead of just small brand runways to feature Adrien in a low-pressure (well, lower pressure) setting- his music was entirely classical. It fit with the formality of the brand, even if it wasn't exactly what made people sit up and listen.

Maybe Nino's music had inspired his father! This sort of music and beat was something that Adrien would associate far more with his friend than his father.

"Aha! I've got it!" Mr. Agreste suddenly exclaimed, loud enough that Adrien startled. "Nathalie, how is this for the chorus- I will win, and I will rise- all of Paris, akumatized. No more secrets, no more lies. Soon their Miraculous will be mine!"

Adrien's brain screeched to a halt, abruptly more alert. Soon their Miraculous will be mine? All of Paris, akumatized? That- that didn't sound good. But- but his father couldn't be Hawkmoth, that wasn't possible. Maybe he was just doing a Miraculous-themed runway walk and there was a Hawkmoth section.

Nathalie's exasperated sigh cut through Adrien's thoughts. "Sir, are you still working on that song? I don't understand the point. I mean, sure, it's catchy, but don't you have work to do?"

"Perhaps it doesn't seem productive to you, Nathalie, but music is good for lifting spirits. It's sure to be a morale-booster." The background music stopped, cut off mid-song. "And we need it, after the bumps we've run into recently."

"A morale- sir," Nathalie sighed, sounding thoroughly exasperated. "Is a morale-booster worth the time? Or, if you disregard the time- if you consider the chances of someone overhearing you..."

"The chances, which are zero to none. I'm far too careful for that to happen. Now, how about this section-"

Adrien swallowed hard, glancing back towards the Gorilla. They exchanged a look as Mr. Agreste started rapping- rapping!- about a cane and wearing a mask and turning the city evil, and then the Gorilla nodded down the stairs.

The message was clear: we have to get out. Now.

Adrien nodded, stepping backwards carefully. He couldn't make any noise, because if they were heard, if they were seen and his father and Nathalie found out that Adrien and the Gorilla knew...

Well, it wouldn't be good, that was for sure.

"A troubled soul cries- time to akumatize! Fly my faithful servant- dark wing, rise! This rotten cat, that pesky girl-"

The door finally shut, cutting off Mr. Agreste's voice.

The Gorilla herded Adrien down the steps, steering him around the side of the house so that they wouldn't be visible from the office. Once they were in back, the Gorilla tapped on a certain brick, sticking a key into the lock that appeared after a moment. A hidden door swung open, and the Gorilla ushered him through.

"Aren't you coming?" Adrien asked when his bodyguard didn't step through after him.

The Gorilla shook his head. He held up his phone, open to a recording app. Adrien frowned, even more puzzled.

"I thought it was illegal to record people without them knowing?"

The Gorilla nodded, swiping to the side several times, then held up his phone again. Onscreen was a photo of Ladybug and Chat Noir. Adrien considered that, then perked up.

"Oh! So you can show the superheroes!" That was a good idea, actually. If he hadn't heard the song himself and someone came up to Chat Noir and announced that he had figured out who Hawkmoth was because he was singing about it, he would probably think that they were crazy. "Be careful."

The Gorilla nodded, waiting for Adrien to step out of the way before shutting the door, sealing the wall again. There was the faint click of a lock snapping back into place, and then almost-silent footsteps on the other side of the wall. Adrien listened to them fade, his heart in his throat. He knew that his bodyguard was careful and had plenty of experience with being silent and going unnoticed, and he knew where all of the security cameras were, but that didn't make it completely safe.

"Kid, he'll be fine," Plagg said, popping out of Adrien's collar. His voice was uncharacteristically serious. "Seriously. Find somewhere safe to go. Then we'll find Ladybug later."

"Yeah." Adrien sighed, shifting the strap of his bag on his shoulder and starting up the street. "So much for catching up on homework. I'm not going to get anything done now."

  The Gorilla managed to snag an amazingly clear audio recording of Mr. Agreste's entire villain song within an hour's time. Ladybug and Chat Noir listened to the recording from the privacy of a study room at the back of the Dupont library, with the Gorilla hovering anxiously over their shoulders.

"Well, you can't deny that that's a banger of a song," Ladybug commented once the recording came to an end. She looked a little thrown off, though Chat Noir could tell that she was far more rattled than she was letting on. "Seriously, why is he a fashion designer if he can just come up with songs like that out of nowhere?"

"Bug, focus," Chat Noir reminded her. "I think there's, uh, more important things to think about than Hawkmoth's song-writing skills."

"I know, I'm just...processing." Ladybug worried her lip, considering the recorder. "Okay, so, uh, we know who Hawkmoth is. And we know who he is because he decided to compose a villain song. A villain song that seems to have a fair bit of work put into composing it. Uh."

The superheroes paused. Ladybug reached out and tapped the play button again. Chat Noir snorted.

"D'you think you're going to get more clues the second time through?"

Ladybug looked slightly abashed. "No, I was just curious- do you think those laughs are his own? Because that is over the top. And I want to say that I can't picture Mr. Agreste doing that, but..."

Chat Noir and the Gorilla shrugged in unison. As stoic as Mr. Agreste acted in front of others, he could be a complete drama queen when he wanted to be.

"Okay, so, what to do next." Ladybug tapped the table once the song came to an end (again), clearly making an effort to pull herself back and be serious, despite how ridiculous the song was. And, frankly, how ridiculous the entire situation was. "Take the Miraculous back, obviously, but we'll need backup."

The Gorilla grunted, getting their attention, then raised his hand. Chat Noir blinked, then grinned.

"You're willing to help us?"

The Gorilla nodded, gesturing again. He motioned like there was a smaller figure next to him, then made a very recognizable protect gesture. Ladybug tilted her head to the side, clearly puzzled, but Chat Noir caught on right away.

"Because you want to help Adrien," Chat Noir filled in for Ladybug's benefit, and his bodyguard nodded. "It's good that he'll still have an adult to care for him."

"Yeah," Ladybug agreed. "Okay, I'm gonna go get more Miraculous. I'll be right back!"

With that, she slipped soundlessly out of the room, leaving Chat Noir alone with his bodyguard and his thoughts. Oddly enough, he didn't feel nearly as conflicted and off-kilter as he would have expected. Like, sure, his father was Hawkmoth- and Nathalie was almost 100% guaranteed to be Mayura- but at least he had the Gorilla still. Add in the fact that the Gorilla was bound to be more flexible and less restricting than Mr. Agreste when it came to Adrien (and also more caring about Adrien's emotions and friends and general well-being), and, well, there was a lot to look forward to post-Hawkmoth defeat. Maybe he would feel differently later, when his father was sitting in the police car and heading to jail, but for now all his brain could focus on was how absolutely crazy this whole situation was.

Maybe it was the lack of sleep getting to him. Honestly, this whole thing was starting to feel like some strange sort of sleep-deprived hallucination.

Most of the time, Mr. Agreste seemed like one of the most straight-laced adults ever. Nino had called him 'the definition of a stick in the mud' more than once. He seemed hyper-competent as he directed an international fashion house, making sure that details were in place and that everything would run smoothly during shows and releases. Trying to combine the image of that man with the supervillain who sent out akuma after akuma with sometimes terribly-thought-through powers, who had managed to akumatize a huge portion of Paris once and had still failed to win, who had decided that it was a good idea to hand over the box of Miraculous to an akumatized Chloe instead of hanging on to them himself or at least supervising a whole lot more closely, who had managed to out himself because he wanted to have a villain song and hadn't been careful enough to notice that Adrien and the Gorilla had returned to the house...

Well, Hawkmoth wasn't the most competent villain in the world. Not that Ladybug and Chat Noir objected to that- not at all- but it was just a funny contrast to how his civilian self operated.

Perhaps that was because universities didn't exactly have classes for Supervillain Strategy like they did for Business Management, so Mr. Agreste had been forced to learn everything on his own.

It didn't take long at all for Ladybug to return, and when she did, she wasn't on her own. A towering man in green followed her into the room, the shell hanging on his back leaving no questions to what Miraculous he held. When he stopped, a small woman stepped out behind him. Her magenta suit was tiger-striped, and Chat Noir blinked.

Well. They hadn't seen the Tiger in play before. Why Ladybug had gone for that particular one, he wasn't sure, but he trusted that it would be apparent before long.

"These are Tanker and Shadow," Ladybug explained, stepping up to join Chat Noir. "I figured that more backup would be a good thing."

"Right," Chat Noir managed. "Uh... Shadow?"

"Because tigers wait in the shadows to strike," Shadow explained. "They seem to burst out of nowhere." She grimaced. "...and I kind of came up blank when I was trying to come up with a name."

"Ah, fair enough."

"I also brought the Ox Miraculous," Ladybug said, pulling a small box out of her yo-yo and sliding it across the table to the Gorilla. "The Miraculous of strength, though I don't think anyone besides Shadow will have to activate their powers. I can give you instructions on the way over, though, just in case."

"Wait, what powers does the Tiger grant?" Chat Noir asked, trying to wrack his brain for the answer. He was pretty sure that Ladybug had mentioned powers for some of the other kwamis at some point, but he had been really tired at the time and hadn't really remembered much. "Why would she have to use her power?"

Ladybug's grin widened. "The Tiger grants the power of invisibility. And we're going to sneak into the mansion and strike before they even see us coming."

  Unsurprisingly, it was very easy to slip into the mansion with the help of both superpowers and the Gorilla's knowledge of secret entrances and areas without camera coverage. Their team of five slipped through a back delivery entrance and through the kitchens, doing their best to go unnoticed despite the presence of two very large men among them. Thankfully, there didn't seem to be any household staff members around- it was the chef's day off, and the cleaning staff wouldn't come around until the next day- and so the only thing that they really needed to worry about was keeping their footsteps light and soundless.

Oxen was very good at sneaking. Tanker... well, Tanker needed some work. Thankfully, the house wasn't completely quiet at the moment.

"Once I have their Miraculous, then I'll rule the world! I will win, and I will rise. All of Paris, Akumatized! No more-"

"Sir, if I have to hear that song one more time today, I will walk out and leave you to deal with the Bernardi contract on your own," Nathalie threatened, sounding completely exasperated. "Morale-booster or no, listening to you sing the same thing over and over and over is absolutely maddening."

"My apologies, Nathalie, I wasn't even consciously trying to sing it," Mr. Agreste said. There was the sound of shuffling paper, and then he continued. "It's a little too catchy, I'll admit that. It's gotten stuck in my head now."

"I honestly cannot tell if that is a genuine problem that you're dissatisfied with, or just a way to humble-brag about how well your song turned out." Nathalie sounded fully irritated now. "You know full well that if you keep absent-mindedly singing that song, someone is going to overhear. Adrien is bound to be back from his outing with his friends at some point, and the Gorilla could very well pop in whenever."

Mr. Agreste sighed. "It is, in all honestly, actually stuck in my head and it's a problem now. I hoped that singing it a time or two more might help with that. It's what I saw recommended on the Internet. But that's a fair point. Singing it down here might be more risky than I thought. Perhaps I'll go up to the lair and try there."

"Okay, we have to stop him before he gets out of the office," Ladybug hissed. "He must have a secret entrance in there somewhere. Shadow, are you ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be." She squared her shoulders, gripping tight to her weapon. "All right- Camouflage!"

At once, Shadow vanished, melting away into the - well, into the shadows. There was no indication of where she was at all, and Ladybug gave her several seconds before starting to creep in the direction of the office as well. The other heroes followed, pausing by the cracked-open door and waiting to hear the sound of any unnatural disturbance.

"Frankly, sir, I feel like you'd just be wasting more time," Nathalie told Mr. Agreste. There was the sound of her chair sliding back from the desk, and her taking several steps towards the center of the room and Mr. Agreste. "You've sang that song far too many times, that's why it's gotten stuck. Try finding something else to listen to. Something that won't give away your identity, or mine."

Mr. Agreste sighed. "I suppose. Would you mind reaching out to both Adrien and the Gorilla to see when we can expect them back in the house? I don't want to be listening to the radio when they come back, they'll just question it."

"Sir, if I might remind you of the existence of headphones."

Ladybug hastily pressed a hand over her mouth to muffle her giggles. Tanker's eyebrows were creeping upwards.

"This is the guy who thinks that he can rule the world?"

Gabriel Agreste gave a loud sigh of exasperation. "Very well, fine- ack!"

"Sir, whaaaaa!"

There were two dual thuds, and the superheroes leapt into action. In a moment, they bounded around the doorframe and into the office, landing in the center of the room almost soundlessly. Without even planning it, Tanker and Oxen took the lead, landing right in front of the fallen supervillains just in time for them to sit up, still groaning and rubbing their heads. When their eyes landed on the towering superheroes, they froze and turned white.

"So," Chat Noir said cheerfully, stepping out from behind Oxen and spinning his tail in a jaunty circle. "How's that morale-booster working for you?"

  With the help of the adult superheroes, their final battle wasn't really a fight at all. Tanker and Ox kept Nathalie and Mr. Agreste down while Ladybug and Chat Noir snagged the Miraculous off of Mr. Agreste and Nathalie. Then they were unceremoniously frog-marched out of the house and to the curb, where they waited for the police to show up while passerbys stared.

And to add insult to injury, both Ladybug and Tanker were absentmindedly (or perhaps not-so-absentmindedly) humming Hawkmoth's song as they waited. The result was both Mr. Agreste and Nathalie looking like they were close to exploding.

Upon second thought, the humming was probably entirely intentional. It was maybe a little petty, but considering the number of times that the two villains had interrupted their day and tried to kill them and generally been unpleasant...

Chat Noir joined in on the chorus. Oxen snorted. Shadow sighed. Ladybug ducked her head in a failed attempt to hide her grin.

"I'm not even going to ask," the first of the responding police officers said with a sigh when they pulled up. "Besides- Hawkmoth and Mayura, I'm presuming?"

"Correct," Shadow told her. She nodded towards Ladybug, who extended her hand. The Peacock and Butterfly sat in the middle of her palm, glinting in the sunlight. "And we've recovered their Miraculous."

"Fantastic! Oh, Paris will be happy to hear that there won't be any more akumas." Two more police officers came up, starting to handcuff the two former supervillains. "We'll take them off of your hands now. We'll let you know if we need anything else."

"Thanks!" Ladybug told them, smiling. The superheroes stepped back, the police took control of Mr. Agreste and Nathalie, and then they were bundled off into the back of the police cars and taken away. The superheroes watched them go, then retreated back into the house before any of the lingering bystanders could ask any questions.

"Will you need us to keep helping?" Shadow asked once they had gotten inside. "Because we can certainly stay and help, if needed. Otherwise..."

"Oh, you can get back to work," Ladybug said hastily. "I can come get the Miraculous later, I know where to find you. We'll just spend a bit of time looking for Miraculous-related stuff in the house so that nothing vanishes from under our noses."

Oxen grunted, raising a hand and then pointing towards the hidden hallway and gesturing towards Shadow and Tanker. I'll show them out the back way. Ladybug and Chat Noir nodded, and then their teammates were off.

"Would it be safe to assume, do you think, that all of the Miraculous stuff would be in the office?" Ladybug asked once their footsteps had faded away into nothing. She was already looking exhausted at the thought of spending the rest of their afternoon- no, sorry, their evening, it was definitely the evening already- combing the house for what was bound to be well-hidden

"I think the office is the best spot to start," Chat Noir agreed, muffling a sudden yawn. He had been feeling fine earlier, but now- well, all of the excitement of the day was catching up with him, and he was exhausted. All of the adrenaline from the discovery and the planning had been keeping him upright. He wasn't going to leave Ladybug to do all of the work on her own, though. "Dunno how we'll get the safes open, though, unless we detransform and have our kwamis do it."

Ladybug snapped her fingers, suddenly energized again. "Actually, if we could pull Nooroo out, he could probably tell us exactly where to look! He was with Mr. Agreste long enough, surely he knew all of his secrets. Give me a moment, I'll get him out."

Chat Noir blinked. Oh. That was a pretty obvious approach, actually.

"I hope he knows where all of the hiding places are, at least," Ladybug added as she glanced towards the windows, tucking the Peacock away and pinning the Butterfly to the front of her suit. "Otherwise, we're really going to be here all night and I'll never get my homework done."

"Oh, no kidding." Chat Noir yawned again, grimacing at the reminder of homework. If he had been behind before, that was nothing compared to now. Lost time aside, he was just too tired and strung-out to be able to do it now. His teachers would probably be ticked, unless... "Hey, d'you think that finding out that my father was Hawkmoth will be enough get me an extended deadline for my assignments?"

There was a pause. Ladybug blinked at him, and Chat Noir blinked back, puzzled at her reaction. Normally Ladybug gave him at least some sort of answer when he asked her questions, so what about this time was different? Chat Noir ran over his words in his head, trying to push past the exhaustion. He had just asked her if she thought that his teachers would give him an extension on his assignments because he had found out his father was Hawkmoth-

-his father was Hawkmoth-

Whoops.

"What?!"

[thanksjro]

Zero Point, a Last Stand of the Wreckers prose story- I Sure Hope You Like Eye Imagery

Ooh, an artsy start to our prose this go around.

This story takes place after the events of Last Stand of the Wreckers, with our dear friend Springer well into his Overlord-induced coma.

Roadbuster is a gentle soul, when he’s not busy ripping people’s spines out.

Roadbuster’s been put in charge of the Debris station since Springer’s out of commission. It’s boring. He’s bored. He has a routine he follows, but there’s only so much grave-visiting/security-checking/weapon-building/eyeball-cleaning a guy can do within a 120 hour day before it becomes less of a routine and more of a compulsive habit.

Springer’s eyes are a specific shade of blue known as Matrix Blue- supposedly a marker for being Matrix Compatible. Considering that Senator Shockwave had to go and get multiple guys some nonconsensual plastic surgery to make sure they could actually fit the Matrix, I’m going to go ahead and say that that’s some bunk someone made up to hype up the mysticism of Primehood.

Springer’s obviously in a bad way, and it’s not looking like things are going to get any better. You can tell, because this is the point where his internal monologue kicks in, reflecting on just what it’s like to die, and his past. Sure hope they don’t have any vats filled with corrodia gravis on this space station.

Back before the war was The War, Springer was young and naive, but his boobs were just as awesome as they are now.

Springer became slightly disenchanted as his time on the front lines went on, thinking that he needed to do more to help the Autobot Cause. He decided he wanted to join the Wreckers, though he knew next to nothing about them at the time, and everything that he’d heard probably should have sent him running in the opposite direction. Decepticons caught by Impactor and friends would kill themselves in the middle of the street if they managed to escape.

But we’re dealing with a mind that’s been shaped by a civil war, now aren’t we? Impressions are warped for Autobots, because Decepticons are evil, and therefore they deserve that sort of thing, now don’t they? Nobody is immune to propaganda.

Springer first met Impactor at Sherma Bridge, where he saw him punch through a ship’s windshield, spear the driver’s head with his drill-hand, and then land the thing in front of a memorial statue. Gee, what a guy.

Springer, even though he’d seen all this and was feeling a little wary about this whole situation- which is a very valid reaction to witnessing a murder, no matter who’s been killed- decides to get put on the list of reservists for the Wreckers.

It’s amazing they even bother with Rung at all, isn’t it?

Springer’s interview is a violent one, because this is the Wreckers, and we don’t ever go half-mast on anything- Impactor falls out of the fucking sky in the middle of a huge battle and tells Springer that he’ll be coming with him. And that was that.

Oh hey, it’s the IDW2 eating chairs. And hello, Kaput, it’s nice to see you again.

Kaput’s diagnosis is as bleak as it is cryptic- Springer’s probably for sure going to die. Kaput seems to only exist to tell people they’re dying or dead, unless they’re the once and future Optimus Prime.

Kup’s pretty bummed out about this whole thing, pacing like a 1950’s father in the birth and delivery waiting room. Kaput doesn’t seem to notice, or is too lost the the medical sauce to realize that him going on about how they fixed that weird humming noise Springer’s legs used to make is making folks anxious.

Roadbuster asks just what exactly’s wrong, if they fixed everything from his ripped-off face to his weird humming legs. Kaput doesn’t like confrontation, so he blathers on for a bit before admitting that they haven’t found the zero point.

Roberts, how many times are you going to do this to Kup? First Rodimus, now Springer- did Kup bully you in primary school? I’m starting to get concerned.

That was six months ago, and while Roadbuster had been polite about it at the time, all the nothing that’s happened since has made him feel a little less kindly toward Kaput.

Okay, who’s ready to find out why doctors and mechanics aren’t the same thing on Cybertron? Because I sure am!

So they have to account for the soul, is what you’re saying. Is this about having some sort of bedside manner, because the mental aspect of healing has to be taken into account? Or is it more to do with the bizarre implications of the soul being physical as opposed to metaphysical, and therefore capable of being destroyed? The ethical conundrum that the spark presents is fascinating.

If a break happens between these two nerves, it can cause the energy of the spark to be redirected away from the points it’s meant to go, like a heart with a hole in it. Yes, the blood is still inside the body, but it’s not inside the veins and is therefore useless, and in fact is directly harming the body.

Roadbuster, after reflecting on the grim reality Springer is currently living, breaks out Wreckers: Declassified. This isn’t reading for personal enjoyment or ego-stroking however- Roadbuster actually greatly dislikes reading about himself in Fisitron’s datalogs. No, this is more of a last-ditch effort to save Springer’s life.

Roadbuster learned to read to act on a theory brought up by Rung- he and Kup are friends, on account of both of them being very old- that the spark is psychosomatic in nature. It can be influenced by intense emotional responses to potentially heal the physical self. They’re willing to try this, because nobody really knows how exactly a spark works, so Rung’s guess is as good as any.

Story time for the evening picks up on a chapter in a story called “The Wreckers’ Air Attack”, getting right into where Megatron’s about to shoot Impactor in the back of the head. But not without pontificating first.

This is so over the top, so romantic- and I’m talking Romantic as in the literary style. I don’t even know what to say here. Luckily Impactor does.

Fisitron may not know what this whole scene is about, but we as the reader do. The hardcover trade edition of Last Stand was published roughly a six months after “Chaos Theory”, where we got THIS exchange:

If this is what Megatron’s poetry is like, it’s no wonder Impactor isn’t a fan. Purple prose out the wazoo, incredibly flowery imagery- I’m sure there’s an audience for all that, but I doubt Impactor’s a part of that crowd.

Megatron is distracted just long enough for Springer to descend upon him on the sky sled, like a murderous Santa Claus, jumping off so the sled can slam into Megatron and send him careening down the side of the mountain.

That’s taken care of. What next?

It’s at this point that Roadbuster checks what chapter they’re on, because he’s really not the biggest fan of Fisitron’s writing style. Guess he isn’t one for fanfiction, or adverbs. Turns out, each of these datalogs are less blog posts and more fully-fledged books. Every single one of them.

Roadbuster’s feeling kind of hopeless at this point, and it’s not hard to understand why; there hasn’t been any sort of response from Springer at all in all the months he’s been reading to him.

He considers the contents of the only datalog he hasn’t cracked open yet, outright skipping over it every time- #113, the one about Pova. He doesn’t ever read it because it’s full of false information, as was made very clear in Last Stand #5.

Springer joined the 17th iteration of the Wreckers, after a hazing ritual so brutal, it required the addition of an amendment to the Misuse of Weapons Act. Horrifying. None of the original members of the Wreckers had survived the war by the point Springer had been brought on- except for Valve, who does not count because he left the Autobots to go be a Decepticon, a fact which will never be expanded upon, much like Eugenesis Skywarp having been an Autobot for some friggin’ reason.

Springer, once on the inside, realizes that maybe the Wreckers are a little too dark a shade of gray for him to be able to sit comfortably with- the battering of POWs just a little too enthusiastically, the bending of the rules a little too sharply, the blatant disregard for the Tyrest Accord being smoothed over with an “oopsie doodle!” It’s looking like the Wreckers aren’t completely on the straight and narrow; shocking, I know.

Still, he doesn’t really see the point in arguing with it, instead just trying to make sure that he’s not the one doing the maiming and such. Complicity is not the answer to this sort of behavior, Springer.

When Squadron X came onto the scene, Impactor was so upset at the perceived slight- because obviously if Squadron X was the Decepticons answer to the Wreckers, and they were a bunch of murderous assholes, what did that make the Wreckers?- that he made it everyone else’s problem. The Wreckers WOULD destroy Squadron X. It was his new goal in life.

This went exactly where you’d expect such a singleminded hate-boner to go.

After the execution of eight POWs who should have been let go due to being on sovereign territory, Springer decided that enough was enough and called the cops on Impactor. High Command had been itching to get this guy back under control, so things moved pretty quickly after that.

Springer resigned from the group afterwords, but then everyone started coming out of the woodwork, pestering him to come back and LEAD them, because they were worried about being shut down. The likes of Roadbuster and Whirl don’t exactly make for good executives. After thinking about it, and after the trial, of course, he agrees to come back on as the leader of the Wreckers. So began a new era.

Back in the real world, Roadbuster’s trying to read the falsified account of Pova, but just can’t go through with it. He decides to tell Springer the truth, if only so he won’t die with a bunch of bullshit bouncing around in his brain.

Springer did so many drugs in Eugenesis, he BECAME drugs in Last Stand.

So Springer is apparently the greatest hype man to ever live, as he pumped everyone up so much about getting Squadron X, they just went completely feral the moment they saw their ship. Squadron X wasn’t even doing anything, and the Wreckers were frothing at the mouth.

When this lead to the inevitable, and Springer was trying to break down the door to prevent Impactor from racking up eight war crimes in under two minutes, Roadbuster and Whirl had a little moment. They knew what had happened, they knew that they couldn’t stop it, they knew that Springer couldn’t stop it, and they were pleased as punch about it.

Once Impactor had been arrested, the other Wreckers were worried that they’d be the next to get ratted out. To try and prevent this, they created a false narrative to lure Springer back into the group, placing him in a position of leadership to soothe his worries about the others having been complacent in the murder of Squadron X.

Roadbuster finishes off this horrifying admission with a non-apology, complimenting Springer on being a good leader. Then he notices that Springer’s got a tear in his eye.

That’s a [ tair ] , not a [ teer ]. It took me a second, too. English is a nightmare of a language.

He tries to buff the tear out, manually peeling back Springer’s eyelid to do it, only to find that maybe Rung wasn’t completely full of shit after all.

[kerwritesthings]

Dance Your Way Into My Heart

Summary: It’s more than just that feeling of love, it’s the actions, and the talk of forever

Word Count: just a little over 2.6k

Warnings: more soft, squishy, lovely words with a side of wedding fluff

Author Notes: So, this is my 10th ‘full-length’ one shot in this verse which boggles my mind since it’s ONLY been about a month (a day or two off actually – I first posted late the night of Jan 18!) since I started writing around this fool heart. I think he, and this place, the people and the creativity, really came to me when I’ve needed it the most. Sooo, now that the emotional nonsense has been blithered out. Here’s a little something for that…

Funny enough that this all hit me the Wednesday/Thursday before any of Josiah’s wedding stuff hit. Another pretty photo reblog from @rainbowshawn​ that set me on a spiral of ohhh shit I can see him singing at a super casual wedding like this and then the next thing you know I’ve busted out 500ish words on my Notes app on my phone while at a bar waiting for my friend before seeing Moulin Rouge on Broadway that night, total aside THE SHOW IS AMAZING – listen to the OBC album cause it’s bomb, however I digress. 

As always, these can be read as stand-alone one shots, but they all fall under the umbrella of this verse of mine. Reading the previous would provide some context. Masterlist can be found here!

As soon as she asks, Shawn immediately said yes. He's such a sucker for love and weddings and basically anything to make you happy. So, when your best friend asks you if you’d think he would be willing to sing at her wedding, you mention she would need to talk to him and ask. So, she flies up for a weekend under the onus of coming to hang out with you. However, she takes him to lunch one afternoon just the two of them, his favorite place downtown, nervous and anxious. However, you understood it was a shoe in. It was sweet though she wants to go the extra mile with him.

“You knew?” he asks, flopping down on the couch next to you, head immediately falling in your lap as soon as he gets back home. 

“Mmhmm,” you mutter, hands automatically winding through his hair. “Told her she needed to talk to you though. Maid of honor duties only go so far you know. What did you say?”

“Yes, duh. Of course, yes,” he replies, eyes fluttering shut as he relaxes into your touch. “Didi is your best friend, she’s the closest thing you have to a sister. Of course, I’m going to sing for her for her wedding. Plus, it’s going to be so super chill and laid back. I told her to give me a few things she and Tomas like and I’ll work around with that. I also told her I want first dance duty. No wedding band or DJ should have your bestie’s special moment.”

“You’re something else and I love you. Thank you, sweetheart. It means a lot to her. And even more to me,” you whisper, leaning down to dust a kiss to his forehead, another to his nose before reaching his lips.

Didi can’t stop raving, gushing and thanking you and him. The key smash texts are adorable and you both appreciate the lovely case of rosé champagne she sends over. Tomas, separately, takes him for a boys night at Maple Leafs game next time he’s in town as a personal show of thanks for helping his future wife. Shawn takes his role seriously, copious notes and hours locked away in his studio practicing or grumbling some days. It’s heartwarming to see how much care he took in this. “At some point, she’s practically going to be my sister-in-law, so yeah,” he blushes, after explaining the latest iteration of songs he’s going through. “Plus, it’s her wedding day. Needs to be epic and as perfect as possible. I’m going to make sure it’s that.”

He says it so nonchalant, so matter of fact, and without hesitation: At some point, she’s practically going to be my sister-in-law. It hits you square in the gut. You both know how deep your feelings run for each other, and you’ve had a few abstract talks, a few serious ones too, along with a more pointed talk specifically about the future. But you’ve never heard him speak of it with such assured conviction. Like it’s happening soon. You just look at him, jaw slightly dropped and eyes wide. 

“You’re gonna catch flies like that my dear,” he smirks, tapping his pointer finger up under your chin to close your mouth. Before you can reply, he leans in to kiss you sweetly, slowly and thoroughly. 

“You know you’re my forever,” he sighs against your lips, just a hair away from yours. He presses a soft, quick peck to both corners of your mouth before one squarely against you. “I’ve thought about it a lot more lately. Since Santa Barbara and our breakfast by the pool, really. Of us doing this ourselves and what our wedding would be. I know the new album and the tour, and all that shit is a thing happening, but I also know you mean everything so…”

You don’t know what to say, tears forming at the corners of your eyes. You just look at him, hand coming up to cup his cheek. 

“This is not going there now, because this would be a lame as fuck as a story to tell on how I proposed to you, but just know. I’m thinking about it. Really and truly,” he reveals through a bright smile. “I love you, so, so much baby.”

You can’t help but shift your arms around him, face nuzzling into the side of his neck. This boy of yours. He’s something extraordinary. 

At the rehearsal dinner, you spy him and Didi in deep conversation before you’re all due to sit down for dessert. 

“He won’t tell me what they decided on, Didi either,” you explain to Didi’s sister Renee, as you head towards your table. “They’re being sneaky little shits, but you know Dee.”

Renee laughs, “Are you really surprised? After you’ve been friends for this long? It’s sweet of your man to be willing to do all this for them. I’ve already warned all cousins and the brothers’ idiot dates they are not to fawn over him, that he’s beyond happily taken by the maid of honor, and that if I see cell phones obnoxiously in the way at any point this weekend, I’m breaking them in some way.”

You hear his laugh before you feel his arm wrap about your waist. “This is why Renee is the best. She won’t take anyone’s shit. Even from her own family. Thanks girl. Appreciate you having my back,” he smiles, fist bumping Renee. “I owe you one.”

“Holding you to that, Mendes,” she grins widely. ���Just make sure this one doesn’t lose her shit this weekend taking care of my sister. But I will gladly use that marker, especially next time your hot friends are around. Speaking of, I should go check on my parents, make sure my brothers haven’t done anything stupid.”

“Is Didi driving you batty?” he asks, guiding you into your chair. “She seems okay tonight.”

“Crowd around, her parents, Tomas’ family, she’s holding her own but there was some stupid family shit earlier,” you exhale, grabbing a hold of his hand to lace through yours, before tipping your head against his shoulder. “It’s nothing that I didn’t expect to deal with this weekend. She’s nervous, worried, second and fifth guessing things. I get it, this is a lot. She just wants to be married already.”

Shawn dusts a kiss to your temple, “You’re such a good friend. You’re lucky to have each other. Tomorrow’s going to be great. Worse case, steal my flask and get her a little saucy before she walks down the aisle.”

You elbow him with a giggle, “You would suggest that, but you may be onto something. Thank you though.”

The next morning is a whirlwind of champagne, bobby pins and lip gloss with a soundtrack full of laughter and a lot of fighting back tears. You also may have sung along to your boyfriend’s last album, dancing around like you would do in her room when you were kids to your favorite songs. Didi’s suite is a buzz with her sister holding down the fort, cousins popping in and out, along with her mother and her future mother-in-law. At one point, after the glam team is gone, you finally have a moment alone with your best friend while her mom and sister go to grab her dress.

“I am so happy you’re deliriously happy,” you whisper, hugging Didi tightly before more folks come in. “You two are good together and I’m glad you found him.”

Didi sniffs, “Thank you, I know I’ve been insane, and you’ve been a saint. Your boyfriend too. Shawn has put up with me changing my mind on stuff like 17 times and he’s just rolled with it. You’re a lucky one too. He’s so fucking over the moon for you girly. Soon roles will be reversed, and you’ll be able to pay me back with your own crazy.”

You both scurry about to get into your dresses. With the wedding taking place at the botanical gardens, Didi decided she didn’t want fussy for anything around the ceremony. Her dress is a stunning V-neck sheath of flowy creamy, buttery chiffon, tiny flowers woven through her hair in place of a veil. Tomas’ grandmother’s necklace, a vintage diamond and pearl strand, lays just at her collarbones. You try not to cry but think back of the two little five-year-old girls who would play wedding in your grandparents’ back yard. “Oh Dee,” you sniff. “Tomas isn’t going to know what hit him.”

She smiles, her eyes just as wet, and reaches for your hands. “I couldn’t be up there without you, bestie.” You hear the flicker of a camera, knowing the photographer is back catching your moment and you’re grateful. “Your boy either. I know you hemmed and hawed about black for a wedding, but this dress is great.”

You’re the only one standing up with her, she didn’t want anyone up there with her other than you. Renee understood and was happy she didn’t have to wrangle a groomsman. She picked a black maxi, swirled with larger flowers in shades of pink and white. Your hair was up, a flower like the ones in your dress tucked in the mass of curls her stylist pinned about. Your bouquet is in a similar palate, while Didi’s has some purple, her favorite color, woven through. 

“Let’s go get you married,” you say handing off her bouquet and tucking her arm under yours. 

“Hey pretty girl, funny seeing you here,” he quips, his lips dusting against your bare shoulder, before tracing a finger across your back. You’re all outside the courtyard waiting to enter for the start of the ceremony. You turn to face him. He’s a vision, because of course he is when isn’t he, in black floral-patterned button down, similar to your dress, along with dark pants. What’s more interesting is that his beloved acoustic strung across his chest.

“I may have told Didi I would play all her walk-in music too,” he nods bashfully. “I wasn’t going to let them use Apple Music or Spotify or even worse some awful wedding singer.”

“You are something else, Shawn,” you reply, squeezing his hand tightly. “Really want to kiss you but I can’t mess up the gloss.”

He places a whisper of a kiss on your forehead, “Love you. I need to go get into place. Atmosphere music. Think I may sneak in one of my own in there before the processional stuff.”

You laugh, pushing him towards the archway of greenery, “Go be wonderful.”

He’s set up at the back of the courtyard, seats all set in front of him. He’s weaving melodies, no singing, just soft rhythms from his guitar. The space is perfect, green and lush and smelling lovely, a swath of flowers at the end of the path where Tomas waits. You make your way down and turn to watch for your best friend. However, before she arrives you take a moment to appreciate Shawn. He catches your eye, smiles and winks, mouthing love you before he sees the wedding coordinator waiving over at him. 

He starts in on “Marry Me” when Didi arrives at the back of the aisle with her Dad. Your breath catches in your throat, the combination of seeing your best friend and hearing your boyfriend hits you hard. She starts making her way down when he begins on the chorus. You see Tomas out of the corner of your eye, and he’s got a hand over his mouth, eyes brimming over with tears. The ceremony is the perfect balance of exactly what Didi and Tomas are. Their vows are intrinsically them. They look every way that a couple getting married should. Glowing, in love and only eyes for each other. It’s hard not to let a tear or two out. 

The reception is in the atrium of the gardens, under a massive domed stained-glass skylight, still lush with flowers and greens. Everything has been exactly as Didi has hoped. Meanwhile, your boyfriend is mysteriously missing. You’re sipping champagne with Renee and her boyfriend of the moment, while looking about for him. 

“Last I saw him he was setting his guitar up before the rest of the musicians came in, don’t worry,” Renee starts, clinking glasses with you. “He’ll be back.”

He makes his way back into the atrium, and surprisingly he’s changed, a little dressier now in deliciously fitting black suit pants and a white button down, the glint of his silver chain obvious even from where you are. You excuse yourself from the group and steal Shawn away before he needs to soundcheck for their dance. You just want to have a moment with him before everything gets crazy, heading out to the patio just off the atrium, which is blissfully quiet. You wrap your arms around his waist and just hold him. 

“You okay baby?” he asks, as he starts to sway with you, shifting your arms around his neck so he can pull you closer. 

You nod, smiling, “I just needed you for a minute without all that is all.”

“You can have all the minutes you ever want or need,” he says, kissing you lightly. 

“Sorry to break this up, please believe me I am, but my sister has decided she wants to get a move on,” Renee calls from the doorway. 

“Duty calls for both of us,” you murmur, leaning up to kiss him once more. “Save me a dance or two?”

“All the slow ones at least,” he agrees, rubbing his nose against yours. “I’ll see you out there.”

Didi didn’t want a whole production with entrances, she wanted a few bars of song then for her and Tomas to start dancing straightaway. So, poised at the edge of what they have set up as the dance floor, with a good angle to see them once they walk in, as well as your boyfriend, you wait. Shawn starts playing, something floaty that that doesn’t sound familiar to you. The pair make their way in and as soon as they hit the center of the floor, he begins. 

“Not talkin' 'bout a year, no not three or four. I don't want that kind of forever in my life anymore,” he sings gently. “Forever always seems to be around when it begins, but forever never seems to be around when it ends. So, give me your forever, please your forever. Not a day less will do, from you.”

The song is beautiful, he sounds amazing, Didi and Tomas as just love personified as they dance. He fades out slowly at the end, a light strum to close out. 

“Thank you for letting me be such a special part of your day. That was Ben Harper’s Forever. Didi, Tomas, congratulations and love to you both,” he expresses, blowing a kiss to the two of them with his hands, you can see his emotions clear across his face. He heads back, as the band starts up, packing away his guitar before making his way over to you, now at your table.

“Wow,” you sigh, hand coming to the nape of his neck to sink into his curls. “That was something else, my dear. Didi fucking owes you.”

He blushes, ducking his head bashfully. “I’m just happy I could give them that moment. First dances are something really special. They deserved to have the best moment possible. Plus, that’s an awesome first dance song, not the usual. Makes it even better.”

“My hopeless romantic,” you muse, tracing haphazard patterns over the top of his hand that rests on your knee. 

“Just you wait,” he smiles, kissing you. “Now, I’m on good authority the next song is a slow one, so may I have this dance?”

He stands, holding his hand out for you. 

“You can have every single one, all of them from now on.”

TAG LIST: @whenidance​, @parkerdavis​, @sinplisticshawn​, @hollandraul​, @fallinallincurls​, @itrocksmysocks​, @rainbowshawn​, @lasingphomustra​, @illumecherry​

*Always feel free to ask to be added to the tag list! 

[rachelkaser]

Stay Golden Sunday: Big Daddy’s Little Lady

Blanche’s father returns with a new fiancée who’s younger than his daughter. Dorothy and Rose write the world’s greatest song about Miami.

Picture It...

Sophia is skimming the obituaries for recent deaths to see if there are any widowers she can pick up for a date, to Dorothy’s disapproval. Rose enters, excited about a songwriting contest. It’s for a song about Miami, and there’s a $10,000 prize pool for the winner. Rose wants to enter, saying she’s written songs before, but Dorothy swiftly realizes her lyric-writing abilities are lacking. She offers her own experience poetry-writing and they agree to write up the song together. Blanche enters the kitchen just in time to get a phone call from her father. He’s apparently got a surprise for Blanche and is coming that weekend to reveal it.

DOROTHY: We could be the next Rodgers and Hammerstein! The next Simon and Garfunkel! The next-- ROSE: Shari Lewis and Lamb Chop! DOROTHY: ...I don’t think i could get my hand that far up your dress. But I’ll tell you, for $10,000 I’d be willing to give it a shot.

Rose and Dorothy are working at a piano in the living room (how they got a piano isn’t really explained), testing to see how Dorothy’s lyrics and Rose’s tune go together. The music is good, but requires messing with the lyrics. The two quickly get into a dispute over the word “thrice” and are forced to take a break. Dorothy says there are some words, such as “intrauterine” that don’t belong in a song (not that it stops Rose from trying). Blanche enters, as her father is about to arrive.

Mr. Hollingsworth arrives and delivers yet more compliments to both his daughter and to Sophia. (Sophia: “Get out the boots. He’s back.”) He tells Blanche that he’s met a widow named Margaret Spencer and they’ve been seeing each other for some time. Blanche wants to meet her, and Big Daddy reveals his surprise: He and Margaret are getting married. Blanche shrieks in glee and offers to throw the wedding herself, to which Big Daddy agrees.

Rose and Dorothy are trying out their latest composition before Blanche, and it’s going well until Blanche points out that the lyrics “M-I-A-M-I spells Miami Beach” aren’t accurate. Rose and Dorothy bicker about it, with Dorothy challenging Rose to come up with a rhyme for “Miami,” and Rose coming up with salami, pronounced “sah-lammy.” Blanche leaves the room to go prepare for the wedding caterer to arrive. There’s a ring at the bell, and Dorothy answers to admit a beautiful redhead, in her 40s at the oldest, who introduces herself as Margaret Spencer.

Rose, Dorothy, and Blanche, who enters at that moment, are surprised that Big Daddy’s squeeze is so young and attractive. Margaret attempts to make polite conversation with Blanche, who starts making barbed remarks about how young Margaret is. Coincidentally Big Daddy arrives and Dorothy and Rose quickly usher Margaret out to the lanai before the fireworks start. Blanche tells Big Daddy that she thinks Margaret is a “gold-digging hussy” and he’s making a fool of himself. Offended, Big Daddy takes Margaret and leaves, saying he’ll cut Blanche off if she can’t respect his decisions.

ROSE: Sometimes two people who seem to have the least in common turn out to be the most in love. That was certainly the case with Ollie Nofstetlermeyer and Molly Jane Doe. BLANCHE: “Ollie and Molly?” Must we take yet another trip to Petticoat Junction?

Later that night, Dorothy and Rose are having songwriter’s block and meet with Sophia in the kitchen for cheesecake. Blanche, still stressed about the situation with her father, enters and asks for a piece. They try to tell her that it’s not that bad, and older men frequently date younger women. Rose tells a St. Olaf story to prove her point about how love has no boundaries -- and it’s not anyone’s business. Blanche protests that it’s her business and decides to go confront them at their hotel. As she leaves, she drops a line that gets Dorothy and Rose’s creative juices flowing.

Blanche arrives at the hotel and asks to talk to her father. She tells him that she understands how being older and being a widower, he must be lonely, but doesn’t understand why he wants to marry such a younger woman. Big Daddy responds that it’s very difficult to watch the person you love die, and to find love again. Blanche thinks he means her mother, but he was actually referring to Margaret, whose first husband died years earlier after a long illness.

BLANCHE: Sophia, you know people in their 70s and 80s can have great sex. SOPHIA: Yeah, with people in their 70s and 80s. Put me in a bedroom with Tom Cruise, and you’d be peeling me off the ceiling. 

Blanche, stunned at this news, apologizes for being so protective of her father. He says he and Margaret still want her blessing, and Margaret returns just then. Blanche tells Margaret that she’s glad they both want the best for Big Daddy and welcomes the other woman into her family. They hug as Big Daddy looks on with a smile. Sometime later, Blanche shows Sophia a postcard from the honeymoon, and Sophia congratulates her on handling it well.

Rose and Dorothy return from the songwriting contest looking glum. Blanche asks how they did, and they say they came in second place. But they don’t have anything to show for it, and they were treated rudely while at the contest. Blanche asks to hear their song, and they put up a token resistance before running over to the keyboard. We close out the episode with the best musical moment of the entire series.

“Rose, play or die.”

Big Daddy returns just a few episodes after he made his first appearance, played by David Wayne following the death of Murray Hamilton. His decisions continue to be a bit questionable, but his decision to marry a gorgeous redhead half his age is a bit more understandable than his decision to try and hack it as a singer. However, his story is completely eclipsed by the songwriting part of the episode. But more on that in a moment.

ROSE: [telling a St. Olaf story] A lot people don’t know this, but the family drama Hey, That’s My Tractor got its start right there. DOROTHY: Wasn’t the musical version called Hey Hey, That’s My Tractor?

Blanche learns the same lesson this episode that she did in the previous episode Big Daddy was in (and that Rose learned when her mother was visiting), which is basically, “Don’t treat your parent like a child who needs correcting just because they make choices with which you don’t agree.” It’s getting a little repetitive, but to give her the benefit of the doubt, I do think Big Daddy's behavior is a little more worrying than Alma Lindstrom’s was.

Big Daddy’s been very blithe about his lifestyle choices in both episodes, and I don’t know if it’s just the inherent privilege of being a rich, older man that he doesn’t seem to realize how unusual his actions are. Starting a country-western singing career in your 80s and selling all your property to do it is worrying no matter which way you slice it. And while marrying a beautiful younger woman isn’t as bad, the fact that he says he didn’t tell Blanche because, “I didn’t think age mattered to you,” is either extremely naïve or nakedly manipulative, with his previous behavior making me lean towards the former.

BLANCHE: Rose, Dorothy, smell me! DOROTHY: I only do that with the milk, Blanche, you know the rules.

I’m all in favor of loving whoever makes you happy, but let’s be honest: Marrying a woman younger than your adult daughter, no matter how much you might genuinely love her (the wife, I mean), is unusual and not always indicative of a healthy partnership. Not telling your daughter about it and then acting shocked when she finds out and assumes the younger woman is taking advantage is the epitome of head-in-sandedness (I used to call this “ostriching,” but fun fact: Burying their heads is not a thing ostriches actually do).

I’ve learned via my usual sources that this episode originally featured much more dialogue from Margaret Spencer. Lots of Big Daddy’s dialogue was originally hers, or at least so actress Sondra Currie tells it (her friends said the finished episode features so much of the back of her head she might as well be auditioning for a shampoo commercial). I wonder if some of the lines, such as Margaret’s backstory about her late husband or the assertion that age doesn’t matter to her and Big Daddy, would have sounded better coming from her. I suppose we’ll never know.

Unfortunately for Big Daddy, we’re now 2-for-2 on episodes featuring him where the B-plot is significantly more interesting than the A-plot in which he features. Dorothy and Rose writing a song together and performing several iterations of it throughout the episode is just the best thing. The fact that this part of the episode is so memorable is why I feel comfortable giving it five slices even when I’m not crazy about the Big Daddy storyline.

Watching Dorothy and Rose clash over the piano is just perfect writing, and even their “bad” songs are better than a lot of other songs I’ve heard. I honestly can’t come up with anything else to say about it -- if you’ve seen the episode you know why every single part of the episode as it relates to their songwriting is solid gold and needs no introduction. Everything from “intrauterine” to “salamee” is worth a laugh, and the final song is a banger and I will fight anyone who says differently.

DOROTHY: You know, Rose, I have to confess I dabbled a little in poetry-writing in high school. ROSE: Oh, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. A lot of tall girls who couldn’t get dates wrote poetry in high school. [...] ROSE: Blanche, Dorothy and I have decided to enter a songwriting contest together! BLANCHE: Oh, now that sounds like fun! You know, I always wanted to write a song, but it’s kinda like writing poetry, which I was never any good at. Only the tall girls who couldn’t get dates ever seemed to be good at poetry.

Though they should have won the contest, I’m glad they didn’t win, because apparently part of the prize was having your picture taken with Anita Bryant -- who is infamously against gay rights and has campaigned to have them either revoked or not put in place at all, so fuck her. She also berated her granddaughter, Sarah Green, when she came out as gay, saying that homosexuality is a “delusion invented by the devil.” So again, fuck her. Fuck her in particular.

I’m a little disappointed Sophia didn’t have much to do this episode. It’s always a shame when the episode doesn’t give a lot of screentime. She’s only got two minor scenes related to trying to pick up dates from recently widowed men, which is fairly banal as far as humor goes, even if it does provide a counterpoint to Big Daddy dating a much-younger widow. Kind of makes me wonder why Big Daddy didn’t try dating Sophia since he always seems so impressed with her, though Sophia’s complete lack of patience with all things Southern would have quickly put an end to that.

Episode rating: 🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰 (five cheesecake slices out of five)

Favorite part of the episode:

Once more, for the road:

[sammysdewysensitiveeyes]

Ranking Brotherhood of Evil Mutant members (including all interations) from your, most to least favorite and please expound why. I do like asking for opinions.

Hmmm....there have been several iterations of the Brotherhood, and I’m not very familiar with some of the later versions, so I’m just gonna go with the earlier versions that I know.  Bear in mind, this is entirely subjective, and I like most of these characters, so a character being lower down doesn’t mean I hate them.  Going from favorite to least favorite:  

Pyro:

Anyone following this blog has probably noticed I love this dude.  I’m not exactly subtle about it.  I think he’s interesting and fun, as villains go.  He’s snarky and cocky, and actually rather friendly when he’s not trying to kill you - very Affable Evil.  He’s not necessarily a very good person - he’s self-interested, and can be rather vicious, but he’s a character that I thought could potentially come over to the good side.  He seemed, at times, to get into the whole “Freedom Force” thing, and clearly enjoyed saving people alongside Longshot.  He seems to bond a great deal with his team-mates - Mystique, Avalanche, even Stonewall (although he was a dick to him and Commando when they first joined).  He even pals around with Blob, even though he also snarks at him sometimes.  In AOA, Pyro was the only one helping and being protective of Phantazia.  And now in Marauders he refers to them as his “friends,” and is perfectly happy traveling around with people that used to kick his ass, even appearing impressed with them (especially Storm), and being a surprisingly good team player.  I don’t think Pyro would necessarily become a good guy for altruistic purposes, but I think he enjoys having “adventures” and getting attention and hanging out with his team-mates.  I think if Pyro was on an X-Team, and was made to feel welcome, he’d probably be content to fight alongside them and follow the rules (which is basically what he’s doing right now with the Marauders), and maybe some of his team-mates’ virtues would rub off on him a bit.  (There was apparently a version of X-Factor pitched to Marvel years ago that included Pyro on the team, and I’m disappointed that never happened, although I loved the X-Factor that we got.)  And of course, there was also Pyro’s somewhat redemptive death, where he came to regret his past actions with the Brotherhood and wound up sacrificing his life to save Senator Kelly (fat lot of good it did, since Kelly got assassinated shortly after, but hey, he tried!) 

Along with all of that, I am also really intrigued by Pyro’s back story of being a romance author and journalist.  There’s the whole dichotomy of a guy who callously burns people to death and also writes gothic romance novels in his spare time.  And honestly, it sounds like he’s lived a really interesting life before the Brotherhood - traveling all around South East Asia, working as a journalist covering Indonesia and Vietnam (I’d assume he speaks at least a little bit of Indonesian and Vietnamese to be able to live there and cover news).  His motives for joining the Brotherhood have never been established, and I’m dying to know more about how he met Mystique, and why he decided to leave what was apparently a successful career and probably fairly comfortable life to go be an international terrorist.  Was it money?  A promise of adventure?  Did he really believe in Magneto’s cause?  Was he already getting into criminal activity before he joined the Brotherhood?  There’s a lot of potential for development there, but unfortunately most writers (except Claremont) tend to completely ignore all of Pyro’s backstory.  I’m still hoping that Duggan at least makes some reference to it, even just a throwaway comment about how Pyro used to write novels.

TL,DR: I like Pyro because he’s fun and clever, he makes friends with his team-mates, and he’s a writer. 

Toad:

Toad is a really intriguing character, but mostly I like him because he’s actually got a lot of potential, but he’s had a shit life and can never seem to catch a break.  In the earliest issues, he was just Magneto’s abused lackey, and appeared quite sniveling and pathetic, but later on it was revealed that he’s actually quite intelligent (and good with machines), he just appeared “stupid” due to all the abuse he suffered during childhood.  Toad also has a lot of interesting powers - writers seem to give him a new one every other appearance.  His stamina, agility, and super-strong legs could actually make him a pretty good fighter if he got proper training.  Plus he’s got the prehensile tongue, pheromone secretion, acidic saliva, secretion of a paralytic resin, mind control over frogs - his Marvel bio is a long, long list of secondary powers.  Toad could be quite formidable if he actually got his shit together, and there are AU’s (like House of M and Age of Apocalypse) where we see a much more stable, competent, intelligent Toad who is living up to his potential.  But 616 Toad remains a joke,  He’s either a low-level bad guy (they tried to level him up in the 90′s by making him the leader of the Brotherhood, but it didn’t last) or a pathetic sad-sack used for humor, or both.  His attempt to “join” the X-Men led to him being the janitor and basically getting treated like shit (he literally had no bed?) then getting kicked out when he follow Husk to the Hellfire Academy, even though he did that largely out of concern for Husk, and actually helped her and Quentin escape.

Basically, Toad has been subjected to horrible abuse pretty much his entire life, he has a mutation that makes him appear “ugly”, and everyone treats him with, at best, pity, and at worst, hatred and disgust.  I’ll admit, he’s had a few chances to better his life that have fallen through because of his own bad choices (and he’s done some horrible things, especially when he was leading the Brotherhood in the 90′s), but most of the time he’s just getting continuously kicked while he’s down.  To a certain extent, it’s really a matter of comic writers not being willing to take Toad seriously - he’s considered a joke villain, and therefore gets written that way, because he’s there as an accessory in someone else’s story.  At least the Toad/Husk storyline seemed to focus some on Toad himself as a character, even if it ended badly for him.  Sometimes, I kinda think Toad is written as evil or pathetic so that writers can justify other characters being shitty towards him.  Like, Magneto’s early treatment of Toad was absolutely, inexcusably horrible.  Magneto treated everyone in the Brotherhood badly, including his own children, but it seemed like Toad caught the worst of it.  Pietro and Wanda were also disgusted by Toad, although they had good reason, since his affection towards Wanda was pretty creepy.  Later on, Magneto was revamped into more of a noble, morally grey character, and his past abuse of Toad was mostly forgotten.  I don’t think the writers are necessarily doing this on purpose, but it kind feels like Toad remaining a pathetic bad guy was partially a way to excuse Magneto’s poor treatment of him, since Magneto was being reinvented as a more likable character.  And not just Magneto, but just about everyone who finds Toad disgusting or cracks jokes about how gross he is – it’s okay, Toad is awful so it’s totally fine to have the physically attractive good guys mock him and treat him like garbage.  (Hell, the artists can’t even decide what Toad’s physical appearance should be.  Is he skinny?  Fat?  Does he have green skin?  Is his nose ridiculously long or closer to normal?  Who knows what we’ll get in each issue.  And God forbid he be drawn without his tongue lolling out of his mouth.)

Also, I think that a lot of Toad’s worst personality flaws are at least partially due to the abuse he suffered.  To be clear, I’m not justifying the things that Toad has done. He set up death traps for people who wronged him, murdered Sauron’s girlfriend, and stalked and attacked Wanda multiple times.  That’s pretty shitty of him!  But I also think the abuse had a huge effect on Toad and how he interacts with people. Like, his tendency to obsessively latch onto people, and act like a sniveling lackey – the dude has had pretty much no love his entire life, and he’s always been treated like garbage.  Of course he has no self-esteem, of course he’ll fawn over anyone that shows him affection.  He’s been raised to believe that he is garbage.  Even his tendency to gloat over others being punished, and his whole “I’ll tell Magneto, and you’ll get in trouble!” thing is an understandable survival mechanism – other people getting in trouble means that he’s not the target, for once.  Obviously I can’t condone Toad trying to murder people that wronged him, but his anger and resentment is also understandable after the poor treatment he’s suffered.  In fact, I think it’s actually healthier for him to be angry than to think that he deserves it.  And a lot of the shitty things he did as Brotherhood leader also felt like him desperately wanting to be taken seriously, to be respected – also not a bad thing to want, even if his actions were terrible.  Basically, Toad has a lot of personality flaws, and he’s also had a lot of experiences that created or exacerbated those personality flaws.  The guy needs serious, long-term therapy, and I think he could become a better (or at least more competent) person if he got the help that he so obviously needs.

TL, DR: Basically, Toad deserves better.

Avalanche:

I have to admit, a lot of my love for Avalanche is all about his relationship with Pyro, be it friendship or something more.  (It’s something more in my headcanons, I will forever ship them.)  But he’s also a character that we don’t know much about, in part because he tends to talk a lot less than a certain chatty Australian.  He seems, more than anything, to be a practical-minded punch-clock villain, who is mostly in it for the money.  He doesn’t seem to enjoy putting on a show and reveling in his powers like Pyro, and he doesn’t seem to have the same mean streak that can be seen in Blob (and Pyro, to be fair).  I’m sure there are probably instances of Avalanche being dickish and cruel, but in a lot of his appearances that I’ve read, he seems very practical.  Do the job, get paid.  He also seems fairly content to be a follower or a lackey – happy to take orders from Mystique, or even follow Pyro’s lead when Mystique isn’t around.  That doesn’t mean he doesn’t have his own ideas or opinions, but he doesn’t particularly feel the need to be a leader.  Like Pyro, we also don’t know much about his past before the Brotherhood, except that he was married at some point.  Where’s his wife now?  Why didn’t it work out?  Was it because of him being a mutant, or was it his activities with the Brotherhood that drove them apart?  Does he still love her?  Why did he join the Brotherhood in the first place?  

Avalanche also seems to care somewhat about his team-mates, although he’s not as openly friendly as Pyro.  During Freedom Force’s disastrous last mission, he made the difficult call to abandon Pyro and Blob to save Commando, something that he was clearly broken up about.  And of course, he was willing to go on a mission in the Savage Land with Pyro to get a Legacy Virus cure (that unfortunately didn’t actual exist).  Avalanche is selective about who he cares about, but he still shows that he cares through his actions.  I don’t want to make this all about Pyro, but I really love their relationship.  The stoic, quiet guy/chatty energetic guy dynamic is great.  They just love being bros and committing crimes together, and they are quick to work together and back each other up, even in their earliest appearances.  I would totally read a min-series focusing on the early days of Mystique’s brotherhood, especially if it gave us some good Avalanche, Pyro and Blob development, and didn’t just center around Rogue and Mystique (both fantastic characters, but they’ve both got a lot of attention directed at them already.)

Also, Avalanche likes to garden, which is nice. And at one point he just got fed-up with everything and tried to retire and become a bartender, which is very relatable.  Unfortunately Red Skull murdered him after that.  Sorry, Avalanche.  I hope you are resurrected on Krakoa, living your best life.

Blob:

Another character who is often not taken seriously. Blob is mean-spirited, crass, and often self-interested, much like the rest of the Brotherhood members.  He also was extremely close to Unus, and clearly devastated when Unus’s powers went out of control and killed him.  Blob is one of those characters where I think his physical appearance has led to him being designated as a bad guy by the writers – he’s big and gross, so, just like Toad, he’ll be portrayed as a bad person in order to justify the good guys being terrible to him.  (Yes, I know there are “ugly” good guys, but let’s face it, they are rare.  Most of the good guys look like models.)  Blob also, like Toad, gets a lot of crap for his physical appearance, something that is literally part of his mutation.  I think some of Blob’s nastiness is definitely a defense mechanism, lashing out at others because he is used to being attacked.  It also seems like Blob is really lacking in close friendships, like what Mystique and Destiny or Pyro and Avalanche have (“friendship”).  He was really the odd man out in Mystique’s brotherhood.  He’s willing to pal around with various Brotherhood members, including Avalanche and Pyro when they’re not picking fights with each other, but he doesn’t seem to have a best buddy after Unus’s death.  I kind of admire Blob’s toughness.  It would be easy for him to completely lose his self-esteem, like Toad, but he stands up for himself and never grovels to others.  He is frequently insulted for his mutation, but he also seems comfortable in his own skin, which is good.  He shouldn’t have to feel bad about his own body.    

There was an AU story that showed a softer, more thoughtful Blob who wound up in a relationship with Psylocke, so we know he’s capable of showing a better side of himself.  To some extent, I like Blob’s crass, take-no-shit personatliy, but I’d also like to see writers give him more depth.  I’d especially like to see him reunite with Unus on Krakoa, and the two of them hanging out enjoying each other’s company.  I’m also enjoying the cameos we get of bartender Blob on Krakoa, I hope he is also living his best life.  

Phantazia:

Honestly, I mostly just want to know more about her. All we really know is that she has a PhD (in some kind of scientific field, I think….she is reading a book on astrophysics in one comic), and she was willing to join Toad’s Brotherhood (and she was also the only Brotherhood member that received an invitation from Exodus to Asteroid M). Why?  What was her life before that?  Who knows? Most of the time, she seems rather cold, and a bit distant from her team-mates (but I can’t entirely blame her, the Brotherhood is a rough crowd.  It’s hard to be the new team-mate, and probably especially hard to be the only woman.)  She did seem concerned about Pyro when he was suffering from the Legacy Virus, but she kind of dropped out of sight when the Brotherhood disbanded.   She seems like she was mostly in it for personal gain, especially since Toad’s Brotherhood was more about petty crime than mutant rights.  Apparently she was deeply affected by Wanda’s reality alterations, which took a toll on her mental health, and was last seen in a SHIELD holding cell.  I hope she pops up again on Krakoa.  

Rogue:

The only reason Rogue is so low on the list is that I sometimes forget she was ever a Brotherhood member, and because I like to focus more on lesser known characters.  But I really like Rogue!  She’s tough but sweet, and an incredible badass.  Leaving the Brotherhood for the X-Men meant walking away from her team and foster-mother(s), but she still did it, and became one of the X-Men’s most dependable and valued members.  I love Rogue’s past, her relationship with Mystique, her relationship with Gambit.  I love how she doesn’t take shit, but she also doesn’t go around acting like a jerk, like some of the “tough” characters.  (Wolverine, basically.)  I like the complexity of her struggles with her powers, and her knowing that her strongest abilities, like strength and flight, were basically “stolen” from someone else. I feel like I should say more, but Rogue is very popular and has had loads written about her already.  Rogue is cool, and she deserves the best!  

Mystique:

A truly fascinating character.  She’s also lower on the list because she is fairly well-known and popular, and also because she can absolutely be a manipulative piece of shit, willing to throw everyone except Destiny under the bus.  Yet, at the same time, we see her appear to genuinely care about people, like Rogue, Nightcrawler (after the unfortunate “toss baby off a cliff” incident), Destiny, even Pyro occasionally (she has a nice moment with him on Muir Island, and also calls him “friend” in X-Factor).  She’s a character who can never be entirely trusted, which is a large part of what makes her interesting.  I think she truly does care about a few, select people.  Hell, there’s an early issue in which Mystique fights a bunch of robots programmed to look and act like the X-Men (courtesy of Arcade), and she completely breaks down after having to “kill” the Rogue robot, then hesitates to attack the Nightcrawler bot.  I think Mystique can also be extremely callous, cold and manipulative, but I don’t think she is completely evil, just very self-interested, like a lot of villains. Also, she’s probably seen and experienced a lot of shit over her long life that contributed to that callousness (I figure if I’m gonna cut Toad and Blob some slack, I should do the same for Mystique.)  I do wish she would stop committing rape by deception in stories (meaning sleeping with someone while disguised as someone else).  It’s something that gets glossed over, even though fandom generally despises rapist male villains (and rightfully so), but Mystique pretending to be Blink and sleeping with Mimic is barely a story blip.  

Mystique is also interesting just because she’s such a badass.  She’s cunning, a good leader, a good strategist, excellent spy, good at hand-to-hand combat (she only loses to Arcade’s X-Men robots because she hesitates). She is damn formidable!  She’s also lived a varied and interesting life. There’s a reason she’s gotten so much exposure in comics.  I can also understand her being short-tempered while leading the Brotherhood, as she has to deal with the three stooges of Pyro, Avalanche and Blob.  Then things get even more complicated during the Freedom Force days.  Mystique has a lot of shit to deal with keeping those idiots in line.  Her relationship with Destiny is probably my favorite thing about Mystique, they are beautiful wives, and I hope she gets Destiny resurrected so the two of them can live happily together on Krakoa.  (Unlikely.)  

Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch:

I don’t have much to say about these two, even though I like them. I’m starting to run out of steam in terms of character analysis, and I tend to think of them more as Avengers than Brotherhood members.  They both deserve better.  Also, they are mutants and Magneto is their dad. Retcon?  What retcon?

Destiny:

I don’t have much to say about Destiny because she is very mysterious – always working according to some plan that only she knows. So it’s hard to really know her as a character.  She seems like a very intelligent and calm woman.  She’s always chilling while the Brotherhood guys are freaking out or picking fights with each other.  She also faced her own death bravely and willingly.  She seems to have a good sense of humor.  One of my favorite stories is Mystique disposing of Destiny’s ashes after her death.  She is throwing them off a boat at a specific time and place, according to Destiny’s instructions – and the wind blows them back into her face.  Obviously Destiny planned it as a last prank, and I have to like a character who sets that up.  Also, one time she let a rock wall collapse on Avalanche and Spiral because she knew they wouldn’t be seriously hurt, and she hated Spiral and wanted to enjoy her humiliation.  That’s some impressive pettiness.  Destiny is cool, and I hope she comes back.

Sauron:

I don’t really care about him at all.  

Mastermind:

Seems like a real creep, especially with his manipulation of Jean Grey/Phoenix in the Dark Phoenix saga.  At least he apologized to her at his death.  Also, he’s got three daughters, the dude gets around. Regan, Martinique, and Pixie (WTF?! I just read that in his bio.)  I am really confused by there being two Mastermind daughters with the same powers, but apparently it was actually a mix-up between two writers.  Oops!  

That’s all.  I know there have been later Brotherhood iterations with other members, including one or both Lady Masterminds, but that was during a time when I wasn’t reading much X-Men, so I’m not familiar with most of those characters. I might have more to say if I eventually read some of the later Brotherhood stories.  

[tirednotflirting]

happy prompt to cut in with the angsty ones! a rewind on bachelor host ashton when he was still hosting, of michael and luke watching the show and giving commentary? no pairing I guess, just guys being bros watching reality tv together

hey meghna ily. and i hope this is what you meant kfdlsjfkls <3

this is dumb and very silly but vaguely includes one of my favorite non-couple story lines that happened on Bachelor in Paradise. 

also this is a prequel of sorts to this

also here it is on ao3 bc why not

“What’s the drinking game rule with the bartender guy? Jack?”

“Okay so anytime Alex, remember that’s the guy in the purple shorts there, starts flirting with Jack, you have to take a sip. You take another any time Jack is ignoring another person trying to ask for a drink to flirt back,” Luke explains while pointing at the men he references before taking two sips from his wine glass.

“Jesus Christ,” Michael groans before lifting his can to take the sips as well. “These two alone are going to get me wasted and one of them isn’t even a contestant. Why did I let you talk me into this?”

Luke drops a piece of popcorn into his mouth and smiles at Michael’s entirely fake glare. “Because you love spending time with me and I love trash TV.”

“It’s definitely for the wine and snacks but just keep telling yourself that.”

Their attention drifts back to the screen then as the theme song for this week’s episode of Love in Paradise starts playing. It’s some corny intro sequence, this version of the reality show much more self aware than the other iterations that play throughout the year. Michael and Luke laugh at the silly poses and actions this season’s cast have picked to do and throw in random comments about different people as they pop up on the screen.

Luke loves Saturday reality TV night with Michael. Loves that he has a friend willing to watch week old episodes of Luke’s favorite show just to spend time with him. He had been worried when he took this night job that he started recently that he would lose contact with all of his friends that worked and went about their lives during normal times. Though he supposes that Michael doesn’t exactly go about his life during normal hours despite working during the day. Honestly he avoids ever thinking about it too hard because then he gets worried about whether or not Michael is sleeping at all, really. And Michael hid all of his hair-ties last time Luke called Michael’s mom worried about his health.

Luke’s pondering his best friend’s sleep schedule still when the theme song is wrapping up, the final person shown before the show’s title being their ridiculously good looking host. Luke really prides himself generally on not having too much of a crush on TV personality but ever since he got stuck on this show after watching the previous few seasons on Hulu with the girl who works the graveyard shift with him at the hospital, he’s been drooling over Ashton Irwin. Honestly, it’s a damn shame that Ashton is the host rather than the lead on the show. That would get Luke to sign up to be a contestant in a heartbeat and him and Michael both agree that Luke would make excellent TV on a program like this.

“You know,” Michael says while grabbing a handful of popcorn. “They’re totally only bringing this Niall guy on so they can make all of us swoon over him before breaking his heart and making him the lead on the next season. There’s no way that him and Harry make it to the end of this thing.”

Luke takes another sip of his wine while making a disappointed sound. “See that’s what I think they’re doing with this Alex situation.” He gestures toward the screen where Alex is once again batting his lashes at Jack. (Which prompts Michael to groan before taking another sip. This week’s drinking game really wasn’t messing around.)

“Like I’m telling you there is no way they would give up having Jack as the bartender, he’s fucking hilarious. Plus then we get a whole run of promo ads for the next season with Alex’s pouty face. Which, hate to break it to you, dude, is much cuter than Niall’s.”

“Take that back, Niall is adorable.”

Luke raises his hands in surrender. “Not saying he isn’t cute. Just saying he’s not as cute.”

Michael shakes his head. “Goddamn, what are you turning me into?”

They watch for a while with minimal comments back and forth. Jamie and Damon get into a fight over what he decides to eat for breakfast (he’s spent the season attempting to convince her he’s a vegan and she caught him red-handed with both bacon and cheese). Harry and Niall write songs for each other on the beach (“musicians have the best break-ups there is no way that’s not what’s going to happen, Luke”). Luke continues to make heart-eyes every time Ashton Irwin comes on screen to welcome a new contestant to the beach house or to address the audience about the structure of the show. Michael suggests that they make a drinking game rule for every time Luke zones out when Ashton comes on screen shirtless. Luke blushes and flips him off.

The episode is winding down, and Luke and Michael are slumped against the back of the couch (very well wine drunk at this point in the two hour episode) when an ad from the network sounds out providing details on how to sign up to be a contestant or how to nominate someone for the next season. 

“Hey,” Michael starts, his head rolling to the side to meet Luke’s eyes. “we should sign each other up for the show. That way I can actually meet a man and you can attempt to swoon the host. Their ratings would go nuts if a contestant rode off into the sunset with that god of a man.”

“As if either of us would ever have the energy to be a TV personality,” Luke scoffs. “Like everyone on this is totally expected to be an influencer once it’s all over and I just don’t think I could stand myself if my job was to try to get people to buy essential oils and supplements.”

Michael laughs as he stands to collect their empty glasses and snack bowls while the preview for next week’s episode plays. “Just saying, man, like with this new schedule you’ve got, what are the odds you’re able to date anyone?”

Luke rolls his eyes, though if he’s being honest, it’s definitely something he’s been thinking about. “Whatever, that’s a problem for another day. Now, what are your official finale predictions? Because I’m willing to literally put money down on a dramatic scene of Jack and Alex calling whatever they have off, sunset in the background and that new Selena Gomez song playing before camera cuts and they announce the new lead.”

Michael marches back into the living room and throws a $20 bill down on the coffee table. “Harry and Niall make it all the way to the overnight date before Harry gives some shit like ‘the music just isn’t there anymore’ and then they play that new Julia Michaels song while Niall cries.”

“Deal.”

*

[andcurioser]

So. Let’s talk about Veronica Mars. *deeeeeeeep sigh*

Ok, friends. It’s been a goddamn whirlwind for me. I actually went to the Veronica Mars panel at Comic Con, which I thought was a highlight at the time. They screened the first episode before the panel, and I was all ready to report back to you all that it was real good and to get excited for the new season, but then Hulu had to go and drop the whole damn series during the CC panel, which was a STUPID thing to do (or, at the very least, an extremely stupid thing to announce to the panel at Comic Con - the exact people who would not be able to watch it until after Comic Con, putting them at risk for some really big fucking spoilers. It’s genuinely surprising to me how little the people who are in charge think about these things. If you want to do a surprise drop (which, why, but whatever), sure, go and do it, but definitely don’t announce it to a room full of people who can’t enjoy it and expect them to be excited??). But regardless. That was just a wtf moment. I was still filled with enthusiasm and excitement and happiness that this show was back and seemed to be in good form. 

Oy. 

Cut to Tuesday morning. I got back from Comic Con on Sunday night, and life goes on, so of course I hadn’t watched 8 hours of TV by Tuesday at 7AM. Which is precisely when my dear friend, whom I adore, but who is apparently an idiot, texted me about how terrible that VM ending was and how upset she was. Now, because I’m a good friend and I know what she likes and we’ve discussed VM at length, it took me all of four seconds to know the gist of what happens in the end. I didn’t know the how or why, but I certainly knew the what. Cue fun spikes of anxiety and random bursts of rage, because what the fuck. Truly, what the fuck. But I placed my certainty at 99% and hopelessly clung to the 1% chance that I was wrong, knowing full well that I wasn’t. This obviously completely stymied any excitement I had for the show, and I dragged my heels for a full month before finally finishing the goddamn show just to get it over with. And now we’re here. 

I’ve had a month to ready myself for what I knew was coming. It was both a blessing and a curse, since while it pretty thoroughly ruined my good time, it also meant that I wasn’t totally blindsided by that ending. And man, I would have been blindsided, because there was Z E R O reason for that. None. And now I’ve read all the articles in which Rob Thomas tries to explain his reasons, and they’re all nonsense. Absolute idiocy. All I see is a guy who always, always resented the fans for loving a character he didn’t want us to, who tried and tried to redirect us to one of his preferred creations without success, and just when I thought he’d finally accepted defeat, he pulls the most nonsensical of fuckery just to finally win the battle. Fuck you, RT, forever and always. I can’t fucking believe that I allowed myself to think you’d finally seen the light. What a ridiculous fool I was for giving him the benefit of the doubt. 

Since I knew what was coming, I could look for the signs all throughout the season. So I searched for foreshadowing, or at least a narrative through-line. And let me tell you: there isn’t one. The season finally, rightfully seems to address Veronica’s deep-set trauma and trust issues but treats them like a problem and not a secret superpower, and it seemed like the show might expect Veronica to grow up along with the viewers who’ve aged 15 years since the first season? I was excited to finally have Veronica be the problem in a relationship, frankly. It was hinted at with Piz, but glossed over because there was only so much time in the movie, but it was realistic for her to have some trouble adjusting to a long-term, committed relationship, and I was excited to see that journey! I thought it was such an interesting path to go down, watching Veronica grapple with what she wants (or maybe just thinks she wants) vs. what she’s always known, or thought she knows. Lots of stuff there! Good stuff! And you get all the way to the end, when she’s finally decided to try. It isn’t fixed, it isn’t perfectly, she’s definitely got a long way to go, but she’s taken a few tentative steps into an uncertain future. And all of a sudden, quite literally, boom. It’s all gone. 

Listen. I was never going to be a fan of getting rid of Logan. However they chose to do it, it would always feel wrong. I have never trusted Rob Thomas to handle Logan well, because he’s always had this undercurrent of anger in every interview I’ve read, this frustration that people love and respond to Logan when he wanted them to love Duncan! Then Piz! Then anyone else! His creations took on a life of their own, and RT hated it. RT was one of the ultimate examples of writers/show runners who were simply watching a completely different show than the rest of us. I could never understand how he wrote such interesting stuff for Logan but didn’t want us to root for him. It never made any sense. But I didn’t think he would sabotage his own show this thoroughly. 

Because here’s the thing: I was never going to like him getting rid of Logan, but I could have understood it. I could have gone along with it if it had been done right. Frankly, the way it was building, it wouldn’t have been a surprise, nor would it even have been a bad choice, to have Logan break up with Veronica at the end of the season. And if RT couldn’t handle Veronica not being the aggressor, fine, make Veronica do it. She decides she isn’t willing to put in the work to change that Logan needs from her, and she ends it. Fine. Could work, at least for a few seasons. Let her deal with the loss, knowing it was something she chose, and see how it affects her priorities as she continues on. Certainly could be interesting! 

You know what isn’t interesting? This. This is the only - the ONLY - plotline that’s a watered down repeat of a previous story. Veronica Mars, traumatized and hardened by the shocking loss of someone close to her? Quite literally, been there, done that. I know RT has been trying to recapture the magic of season one for every season and iteration since, but just repeating the storyline? Really, really missing the mark. There isn’t anything new that can be added to this. We’ve done this. This will only ever be a pale imitation, a tacked-on sequel hitting the same beats with less force. Lilly was a fantastic inciting incident that yielded a tight, well-thought-out season arc. But why would we want to start over 15 years later? What’s to be gained from this? Literally ANY other ending would have yielded multiple storytelling options, branching out with so many possibilities on where the characters could go. This is the only one that simply slams doors shut. 

The few supporters of this ending I’ve seen around the interwebs keep saying things like “this show wouldn’t work if Veronica was happy!” Hell, Rob Thomas is saying the same thing. And to that idiocy, I can only say 1. of course it would, if you write it well, dumbass, and 2. if you think Veronica getting married immediately = happiness, well, what the hell show were you watching? The marriage, much as it could represent a step forward, was still VERY CLEARLY a huge, impulsive jump that was more a reaction than a measured decision. And that was something I was looking forward to seeing. Fresh off of a near-death experience and a renewed assurance of her love for Logan, Veronica marries him thinking that’s the end of their troubles, only to realize that it’s just another complication. Now Veronica has to deal with the new experience of having no quick exit strategy. All the problems they had throughout the season still exist, thinly covered by the veil of newlywed bliss, and she has to reconcile her happiness with her frustration and uncertainty. Logan still disappears at the drop of a hat because of his job. She still puts herself in danger for the case and uses loved ones and acquaintances alike to her full advantage. They hide things from each other. They love fiercely, they trust the other with their own lives but can’t trust each other to take care of themselves. Doesn’t this sound like a complicated, tumultuous relationship full of narrative possibilities? 

Well, forget it, because why break new ground when you could retread old storylines? Yeah, that’s what we all want. Great job, RT. So smart. 

Something that keeps bothering me is that if RT didn’t want Logan around as the happy husband at home but didn’t want to write more relationship drama between them? He already had the perfect excuse to ship Logan off for entire seasons at a time. Look, Logan’s deployed, oh no, he can’t even skype, he’s undercover! Cool, problem solved. No more Logan, but in a way that still maintains possibilities for the future should we want them. Ideal. Again, options. All you want are places for your narrative to go. Multiple roads it could take so it doesn’t become predictable. 

This is predictable. This is boring. This is trite. Our heroes, struck down in their highest moment of happiness. Holy fuck, it’s dull. It doesn’t feel edgy. It feels derivative, a tired rehash of a narrative structure that should have gone out of vogue ten years ago. The whole thing just exhausts me at this point. 

And I’ve read Rob Thomas’s justification for why he did it. They’re all flimsy, but if he wants to go do a Sherlock-style, Ms. Marple mystery series, flitting in and out as he pleases, fine. It won’t be the worst show in the world. Veronica’s still a fun and interesting character, and I’ll always enjoy watching her. But removing her from Neptune, and more importantly, removing her from all of her meaningful relationships, takes away what made this show special. The new version RT is pitching could be fun enough. But it’ll still be just one in a long, long line of mystery shows that don’t have much claim to my emotional investment. I might watch, but I’ll forget about it the second it’s over. It certainly won’t be the kind of show with a fanbase that will still be interested in watching more 15 years from now. Rob Thomas won’t be getting one of those again. 

So yeah, that’s that. I have much more to say, but really I just wanted to get this rant out so I can put it all behind me. I learned long ago that I can’t trust shows and showrunners, and it’s a lesson I learned partly, if significantly, from Rob Thomas. I suppose it’s on me for letting my guard down, but I guess my hope got grandfathered in from an age when I didn’t immediately mistrust the things that were supposed to make me happy. I’ll know better next time. 

[kc-anathema]

I’m so sorry I did another long post so soon...

So a long time ago, I received a flame on Spec Ops 98: Jazz's Interrogation at Soundwave's Pedes. I hadn’t received a flame in a long time, and I haven’t received one since (which is amazing, since this was on chapter 26 back in...dear heavens, 2015. This fic is officially an epic.)

In fact, I stopped reading the flame once I realized it was a flame, about four chunks in. 2015, five years ago, I was changing principals, changing schools, trying to figure out how to marry my Canadian then-fiance and figure out immigration. (Fun type--marry her in Vegas, wait a couple years, bring her over. Use a lawyer to make sure it’s all kosher.) So yeah, didn’t read.

And then a concerned reader mentioned to me that I didn’t deserve this awful flame and that they loved the story. And I thought...oh yeah, there was a flame on this. That was a couple months ago.

I finally decided to break the flame apart like I used to. This feels very nostalgic to me. I found out that this is really the flamer’s only claim to fame--they flame fics and troll writers. I’m not going to name them then, although you can find the easily on the ff.net review page for this fic.

My father once told me that, if anyone ever spraypainted slurs across my house...leave the slurs up. Don’t pay to remove them. Let the awful words stay up until everyone in the neighborhood is begging us to take them down again.

I think leaving the review there says more about her than me. And I’m going to enjoy clawing this apart, I think, like a cat scratching apart a lizard.

Flame begin:

We’ve got a problem if Soundwave is involved here and he’s not pulling his usual ‘Decepticons, Superior’ line. Add on a fic about perverts and we get this. Ah, well. What are you gonna do?

Remember the character Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory, and how he said “Bazinga” all the time? That kind of went from a joke to an overused character crutch. Like ‘dynomite!’ or ‘did I do that’? Is it really good to rely on a character line to the point where we can call it ‘usual’?

“I’ll take my pleasure and that sweet aft” – Sounds like a cheesy commercial for Robot Chicken. Fireflight is locked up in a dungeon and is about to be whipped by a BDSM Starscream. That’s not at all OOC. Basically it’s a fanfiction that talks about fanfiction.

I...um. Yes. Yes, it’s an OOC line modeled directly after pulp fiction zines and tijuana bibles. I literally looked up several of those on the Internet Archives and various old men’s magazines covers. It’s not fanfiction directly, although it’s certainly what fanfic evolved out of.

Do these look subtle? Low key? Classy? Tasteful? It’s cheap trash and it’s fun as hell. I don’t think readers at the time thought that these were in any way true. This is right along the lines of drawn hentai. So I think the flamer admitted despite themself that I did good.

“We’re stuck here in the middle of a war...we don’t have time for sex” – That’s right. But that fact doesn’t apply does it?

...reading trashy, porny magazines is not sex. It’s actually something you do when you can’t get sex for whatever reason. I would know. A lot of us would know. Apparently not the flamer. No one thinks that “hey, I got a chick/dude willing to bang right now...but the new issue of Men’s World is out! Can’t miss that!” Unless you have some serious fetishes that your partner is too weirded out by, I think this does indeed apply.

Then Jazz gets captured and lo and behold, Soundwave is revealed to be the Christian Grey of the story. I hope he has some maid outfits for Jazz.

...our flamer hits the sludgy bottom of the joke well and grabs their shovel. They do not try very hard for originality in their insults. And, while Grey was a jerk, Fifty Shades wasn’t quite a prisoner of war scenario. No, that was a cheap romance for chicks. I’m writing more akin to men’s...oh.

The flamer is a chick.

Their only bdsm or bad romance experience is with Fifty Shades.

I don’t think they read much.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd we have a shower scene. Damn if it’ll be Carrie!

Iiiiiiiiiiiii did not write a shower scene?

Dudette, did you even do the reading you say you did?

There’s no point in adding moral ambiguity, especially in regards to Soundwave. He won’t be swayed easily, or at all, by Jazz’s speech. He’s cold hearted for a reason. He serves the Decepticon cause until the very bitter end. He’s a lot like Shockwave that way. Highly doubtful he would find meaning or even the relevance of writing pornographic fanfiction, but eh, this was never meant to be serious, was it?

...no. It’s a humor fic. The flamer is criticizing a humor fic for being humorous. Kudos for identifying the genre? I mean, the flamer is also complaining that I did not write Soundwave as a one-dimensional factionalist without examining what that means for him and how the mission creep has left the original political crusade behind. It’s not like I took pieces of Soundwave from Gen1, IDW, and the comics and blend them all together.

This reminds me of the fanboys in the TMNT fandom who keep pushing for every iteration to simply rehash their nostalgia boner for the original toon. I feel like I’m getting the Transformers version of wanting less of this:

because it isn’t the familiar characterizations of this:

“So what’s the down low?” – You, Jazz. You’re going to give the down-low to Soundwave. I can’t wait to read how shiny his robo-vagina is.

...wow. Classy there, flamer. Also I really don’t think they read anything. This whole fic is plug n’ play. There’s exchanging of cables, talk of code and positronic souls and sparks and revving engines. There isn’t a drop of sticky, spike, or fluids.

Chapter 15’s sex scenes bore me. Nothing is worse than having a guy ask to remove every bit of clothing. Just do it already! And why is Jazz a virgin? Come on!

Look--the thing about sex and fetish and whatever revs your engine is that it’s not going to rev everyone’s engine. You don’t like the type of interfacing here? Fine. I don’t like those kind of sex scenes in my porn either. But I wasn’t write that scene for porn. I wanted write warbuild Jazz dealing with violent subroutines while interfacing with Prowl. I had fun with it.

Why is Jazz a virgin? The previous 15 chapters discuss that.

I really don’t think the flamer read the fic.They scanned for anything remotely sexual, so I don’t think I’m going to take anything they say about this fic being ooc for perversion’s sake.

“Everyone here is damn pervy” – In which a character talks about the author.

“We gotta get Soundwave to finish writing his story” – Why? I mean, what’s the point? It’s not doing anything for them, unless it’s to show how castrated Soundwave is. I’ve seen him act better in Mary-Sue fics.

There is a whole plot about Starscream and Skyfire, and I thought I could trust the readers to be intelligent enough to make the leap with the parallels between Soundwave and Jazz.

This is literally the only review that questions why Jazz said that.

The Mary Sue shot just echoes the Fifty Shades swipe. I think this flamer did most of their flames roughly ten years ago--the insults are pretty dated.

The Decepticons don’t know about Ratchet? Why? I mean, he’s one of the oldest dudes there. He has a reputation. When you have a reputation, people know about you. It’s inevitable. I think your inner logic slips a lot.

At this point, I literally have 21 previous chapters of world building.

I am not surprised that the story’s logic was slipping away from one of us.

It’s funny to read the forum responses in the story. It’s like the author is trying to make fun of detractors yet ends up making fun of herself.

Okay, this part is hilarious for a reason only briefly noted in the fic. I think that the only things this can refer to are the comments from the chapter titled Flames of the M4gn1f1c3ntSkyPr1nc3--because those are literally the first flames/comments I put in the fic. And I didn’t write them!

My wife wrote them! I don’t write Starscream well but she just poured those out like water--she’s seen more of the hysterical side of fandom, particularly the earlier TF fandom, and I snipped out pieces for the fic.

So...I mean, we’re pretty happily married, so I don’t think she counts as a detractor. ^___^ Ultimately I started writing this fic for her.

“Your optics make me crazy” – Not at all a cliché.

Good thing I didn’t write that, then. Here is that little section in the Prowl/Jazz section. (Took me a bit to find it since I plugged that into the Find and couldn’t bring it up.)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I like what you do to me. Jazz allowed him in, tilting his helm. I never really understood it, y'know? How mechs could lower their guard so much. Let someone this close.

And now? Prowl drew back, wanting to see Jazz for the answer. With a quiet ping, he warned the other mech even as he raised his hand, touching Jazz's visor.

I still think you're crazy always going on about my optics, Jazz said, venting even as he disengaged the locks and let Prowl gently remove the blue polycarbon.

Your optics are perfection, Prowl corrected him. And you let me see them. Hundreds of mechs wondering what's under that visor, but I get to see.

Still shy about letting someone else see them, Jazz turned his head, only for Prowl to touch his cheek and turn him back, coaxing his optics to open with a soft brush of his thumb.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Not bad for an asexual, I think. I mean, it’s not like I have a ton of hands on experience, being kinda broken that way. But I have read plenty of pulp magazines and pulp radio shows!

This didn’t take long. I skimmed through this work, because there was so little content. Lots of ridiculous shit, though. Soundwave writes fanfiction, the Autobots are weirded out/turned on, capture Soundwave, Soundwave realizes that his whole life was a life and decides to defect. Yeah, about that. He wouldn’t do it lickety split, let alone EVER. Hell, the reactions in the forum bits show what some would think of this, if they weren’t too busy fapping.

The funny thing is I don’t think the mechs can even fap. I don’t write them doing that. But yes, flamer, I do believe that you skimmed through the work. Particularly since you’ve recounted it backwards...Soundwave captures Jazz as the capstone to a long internal conflict within himself, but rather than go through chapters of internal monologue and Decepticon politics, I started the story as close to the inciting action as possible, not quite in media res.

I won’t hash out why Soundwave defects. I mean, I spent 22 chapters at that point explaining it. But it’s my fault the flamer skimmed, I guess?

Needless to say: the romance bored me senseless. It was poorly written, and overall there’s really no skill attached to this. You don’t grip the audience and Jazz’s virgin mode made me roll my eyes. Reads like a first-time waifu manga.

Nah.

I’ve been writing way too long and am more than self-aware enough of my own failings that I’m also pretty self-aware of my own strengths, too. And no. It’s not poorly written. I definitely feel I could improve the first few chapters a bit, but that’s because I wrote those over five years ago and I’ve improved since then, too.

Empty insults. Maybe if the flamer had gone so far as to give a critique beyond a couple of misquoted lines and their own headcanons, I might have listened, but there’s literally nothing of substance here beyond a child tantrumming that I’m stupid and bad and should feel bad.

As for the other pairings, booooooooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring.

Usually I have a fun time setting these fics on fire, but this one bored me senseless. Yes, it was stupid, but the author’s attempt to authenticate it are just as sloppy as anything else.

“Authenticate”?

Is this person talking about using fandom tropes as my setting?

There are 22 chapters at the time, and now 51 chapters, building up this world and using roughly 20 years of fandom background to inform the fic.

Maybe if they hadn’t skimmed, they might have found something interesting. But considering that they skimmed over anything character related and stopped for the sex scene--I don’t think that says anything about my writing and more about their own proclivities.

They were trying to read one-handed. A plug n play fic. A long meta look at fandom in war in a humor fic. And they came here for the sexy times.

I don’t have to draw the conclusion here, do I? Well, for the flamer, probably. And then they’d glance at it for a second, call it sloppy, and say I showed nothing, and what I showed was boring, and that boring stuff was ooc anyway.

One thing I am thankful for is the fact that it is not long.

51 chapters later and I’m still not done.

Nothing’s worth remembering in this and I don’t need to tell you that these characters either act like simpering imbeciles, or are virginal waifus. All I’m missing is a senpai in the bed, some tissues, and some high quality lotion.

...why do they keep referencing gay human sex? I mean, I get it, they’re saying that it’s similar to yaoi fics, but.

This is anti-yaoi with its last hurrah, isn’t it? The late 90s, early 2000s, rising from its sludgy well to try to shame the easily cowed and intimidated, the young writers easily startled by long lines of text. No wonder the citations used are so...15 years ago. I mean, who was talking about Sues even 5 years ago. That criticism kind of faded a long while ago, even then.

I think the sad thing is, even the badly written Sue sex fics end up being more interesting than this. If Ebony Darkness D’Mentia Raven Way were to come along, I think this story would get better. What with her ‘I shot him a gazillion times’ lines.

...and there’s the cherry on the top. Third cheap shot firing blanks. Sue + Fifty Shades +...shit, I can’t even remember the title for that infamous fic. It’s that old.

...this fanfic flamer is old.

Like, don’t get me wrong. We’ve got fandom moms and grandmoms who cut their teeth on fandom print zines in the earliest conventions. They’re not “old” in the same way.

This person has lost any joy, humor, or playfulness that fanfic comes from. No one should go into fanfic expecting fine art. I mean, sure, it happens sometimes, but this is a playground of pulp, experimentation and just plain childish fun.

All in all, not worth remembering. It’s makes me tired to read it. It’s not even stupid enough to make me laugh. You’ll still get a fail rating for me, especially with the shitty version of Soundwave here.

Yes, fanfic flamer. You are indeed tired.

He should be on Big Brother. He’d be great making soy lattés and purees.

Big Brother in 2015 was in its 17th season. There were roughly around 6 million viewers at the time. The demographics for the tv viewing audience were graying even by the 2000s, and by 2015-18, it was significantly older.

Granted, it’s a very tenuous conclusion to draw, but combined with the old fandom references, the anti-yaoi vibes I’m getting, and the fanboyish desire to curate their own headcanon of a character to the point of insulting writers on the internet...

Flamer grew from being a reader to a bitter, old person angry and the whipper snappers for writing stupid, trashy crap that they criticize with broad, unspecific insults.Flamer is the stereotypical mean adult in any 90s cartoon or heavy metal rock video.

A little depressing. Poor flamer. I do hope they found more creative, engaging, and positive things to do.

Me? I just wanna rock.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk on pulp fiction and bitter cultural creators.

[kennyrobots]

answer in the form of an answer, part 0 (zero).

trying something new. so, as you might expect, i’m a bit of a lonely, homely sad-sack of a guy out here on these internet streets, and as a result, i’m on the dating apps. specifically okcupid, and as of this moment, ONLY okcupid. (i still technically have a hinge account too, but i actually haven’t used it since last march, i want to say, after the last time i had met someone on there that didn’t work out.) (i’ll suppress the urge to explain why, because...you’ll see.) if you know OKC, then you know that it’s chock-full of questions that you answer in order for them build you a dating profile, or harvest your information, or whatever else they do to monetize the free userbase, because i refuse to believe that the paying users are enough to subsidize the cheapos among us. (in fairness, i used to be one of those paying users, but since my “full-time” return a few weeks ago, i’ve been one of the free accounts. it’s had roughly the same effect: some likes, a handful of intros, no real conversations, much less dates. i highly doubt that it changes in any meaningful way if i pay for it, and it if does? that’s kinda fucked up. wouldn’t surprise me, though.) ANYWAY, i have a...let’s go with “bad habit” of putting an explanation in each of the blank spaces that accompany each answer, “in case you’d like to elaborate”, which i do, at great length. in the beginning, i took those spaces at face value, simply elaborating my thought processes within that space, keeping it MOSTLY on track, but somewhere along the line...let’s just say it took a turn. (oh, baby, did it take a turn.)

don’t get me wrong - i still put my thoughts down there. it’s a blank space, and me and blank spaces is like THIS. *doing all sorts of twisted shit with his fingers* but most of the time it’s sheer luck that said thoughts would even be relevant to the question being asked - it’s guaranteed that my answer will go off on a tangent, wherein i miss the point of the question completely. shit, it’s entirely within the realm of possibility that my answer will refer to previous questions that i’ve answered (which makes no sense within the context of the question itself, because it’s not like i can hyperlink between answers on there) or even go completely off-topic entirely. and that’s if i’m TRYING. i’ve actually been doing this for years (because, despite myself, i am a writer) (a terribad writer, but a writer nonetheless), basically since i’ve had this current iteration of my OKC account (which is the third iteration, i believe - the first two having been deleted after poor experiences that led me to declare the process a failure) (i have problems learning lessons, is what i’m getting at here). so far, i’ve answered (as of today) 544 questions, ALL of which have an explanation against them. i’m willing to bet actual money that i’m the ONLY user in that entire hellsite that’s done that. others have provided explanations with their answers, sure, but i bet that i’m the only person that’s done it with EVERY SINGLE QUESTION i’ve answered. i’m willing to bet actual cold hard cash money on it, because that’s actually become the most entertaining part of using that site/app for me. (don’t worry - i will regale you about the time that OKC literally told me i should not be using it soon enough.) ANYWAY, a few nights ago, when i was off on my question-answering spree, i’d remarked to myself that i was finding *A* writer voice in these answers (not necessarily the writer voice that i use offline, but a voice nonetheless), and that notion actually stuck with me for longer than it probably should’ve. hell, i’ve even had the idea to answer every possible question on the site (i think there’s like 5000 of them) (don’t quote me on that), and when i got to the end (if there was an end, and assuming the process didn’t kill me), i would somehow get all of those questions aggregated together into a book or booklike format, and then...i actually have no idea what i’d do with it next, because basically all of my ideas are half-assed, so why should this one be any different. and then i remembered that, for whatever ungodly reason, i still have a tumblr account. (the reason is a woman that i’m no longer speaking to.) (because of course it is.) since it’d be virtually impossible to read my answers on OKC without having an account first (and i personally don’t recommend it) (i have one because i’m a legacy user, at this point), i’ve decided to publish those answers right here, on this tumblr, where anyone can read it (in theory). i actually have no idea if i’m even ALLOWED to do this - i kept trying to access the OKC terms and conditions, and the shit kept failing to load for me, which i’m sure means something somewhere - but fuck it. worst they can do is shut this bitch down, and in all honesty, that’s probably the most positive outcome here. so that’s basically it. i plan to publish at least one question and my corresponding answer here per day, and...again, i really haven’t thought it out all the way through. i’m not expecting to monetize this in any way - i’m pretty sure that between tumblr and OKC, both of them motherfuckers is going to own the content anyway - so i guess i just want to do SOMETHING with this tumblr, because i pretty much expect the same readership here that i have over there: virtually zero. ("virtually”, because there’s a person every now and again that will read through all of my answers, and i know of exactly ONE person that actually liked what i wrote. we went out on a few dates, she refused to actually call them “dates”, and it went about as well as you’d expect.) (don’t worry - i repeatedly make mention of it in my answers to some of the questions, because 1) i am a chronic oversharer (i’ve put this exact phrase in my dating profile and everything), and 2) i actually forgot what my 2 was supposed to be.) (suffice to say that, at this point, i’m pretty much doing it for myself, and that’s probably the best possible reason for doing ANYTHING these days.) i’ll probably provide additional commentary as we go along, because i honestly can’t help myself. if you get something out of it, then all the better. if you don’t? well, at least this shit was free. (i mean, you wasted your time, but that’s on you, chief.)