#thank you for indulging me meghna ilysm

[tirednotflirting]

happy prompt to cut in with the angsty ones! a rewind on bachelor host ashton when he was still hosting, of michael and luke watching the show and giving commentary? no pairing I guess, just guys being bros watching reality tv together

hey meghna ily. and i hope this is what you meant kfdlsjfkls <3

this is dumb and very silly but vaguely includes one of my favorite non-couple story lines that happened on Bachelor in Paradise. 

also this is a prequel of sorts to this

also here it is on ao3 bc why not

“What’s the drinking game rule with the bartender guy? Jack?”

“Okay so anytime Alex, remember that’s the guy in the purple shorts there, starts flirting with Jack, you have to take a sip. You take another any time Jack is ignoring another person trying to ask for a drink to flirt back,” Luke explains while pointing at the men he references before taking two sips from his wine glass.

“Jesus Christ,” Michael groans before lifting his can to take the sips as well. “These two alone are going to get me wasted and one of them isn’t even a contestant. Why did I let you talk me into this?”

Luke drops a piece of popcorn into his mouth and smiles at Michael’s entirely fake glare. “Because you love spending time with me and I love trash TV.”

“It’s definitely for the wine and snacks but just keep telling yourself that.”

Their attention drifts back to the screen then as the theme song for this week’s episode of Love in Paradise starts playing. It’s some corny intro sequence, this version of the reality show much more self aware than the other iterations that play throughout the year. Michael and Luke laugh at the silly poses and actions this season’s cast have picked to do and throw in random comments about different people as they pop up on the screen.

Luke loves Saturday reality TV night with Michael. Loves that he has a friend willing to watch week old episodes of Luke’s favorite show just to spend time with him. He had been worried when he took this night job that he started recently that he would lose contact with all of his friends that worked and went about their lives during normal times. Though he supposes that Michael doesn’t exactly go about his life during normal hours despite working during the day. Honestly he avoids ever thinking about it too hard because then he gets worried about whether or not Michael is sleeping at all, really. And Michael hid all of his hair-ties last time Luke called Michael’s mom worried about his health.

Luke’s pondering his best friend’s sleep schedule still when the theme song is wrapping up, the final person shown before the show’s title being their ridiculously good looking host. Luke really prides himself generally on not having too much of a crush on TV personality but ever since he got stuck on this show after watching the previous few seasons on Hulu with the girl who works the graveyard shift with him at the hospital, he’s been drooling over Ashton Irwin. Honestly, it’s a damn shame that Ashton is the host rather than the lead on the show. That would get Luke to sign up to be a contestant in a heartbeat and him and Michael both agree that Luke would make excellent TV on a program like this.

“You know,” Michael says while grabbing a handful of popcorn. “They’re totally only bringing this Niall guy on so they can make all of us swoon over him before breaking his heart and making him the lead on the next season. There’s no way that him and Harry make it to the end of this thing.”

Luke takes another sip of his wine while making a disappointed sound. “See that’s what I think they’re doing with this Alex situation.” He gestures toward the screen where Alex is once again batting his lashes at Jack. (Which prompts Michael to groan before taking another sip. This week’s drinking game really wasn’t messing around.)

“Like I’m telling you there is no way they would give up having Jack as the bartender, he’s fucking hilarious. Plus then we get a whole run of promo ads for the next season with Alex’s pouty face. Which, hate to break it to you, dude, is much cuter than Niall’s.”

“Take that back, Niall is adorable.”

Luke raises his hands in surrender. “Not saying he isn’t cute. Just saying he’s not as cute.”

Michael shakes his head. “Goddamn, what are you turning me into?”

They watch for a while with minimal comments back and forth. Jamie and Damon get into a fight over what he decides to eat for breakfast (he’s spent the season attempting to convince her he’s a vegan and she caught him red-handed with both bacon and cheese). Harry and Niall write songs for each other on the beach (“musicians have the best break-ups there is no way that’s not what’s going to happen, Luke”). Luke continues to make heart-eyes every time Ashton Irwin comes on screen to welcome a new contestant to the beach house or to address the audience about the structure of the show. Michael suggests that they make a drinking game rule for every time Luke zones out when Ashton comes on screen shirtless. Luke blushes and flips him off.

The episode is winding down, and Luke and Michael are slumped against the back of the couch (very well wine drunk at this point in the two hour episode) when an ad from the network sounds out providing details on how to sign up to be a contestant or how to nominate someone for the next season. 

“Hey,” Michael starts, his head rolling to the side to meet Luke’s eyes. “we should sign each other up for the show. That way I can actually meet a man and you can attempt to swoon the host. Their ratings would go nuts if a contestant rode off into the sunset with that god of a man.”

“As if either of us would ever have the energy to be a TV personality,” Luke scoffs. “Like everyone on this is totally expected to be an influencer once it’s all over and I just don’t think I could stand myself if my job was to try to get people to buy essential oils and supplements.”

Michael laughs as he stands to collect their empty glasses and snack bowls while the preview for next week’s episode plays. “Just saying, man, like with this new schedule you’ve got, what are the odds you’re able to date anyone?”

Luke rolls his eyes, though if he’s being honest, it’s definitely something he’s been thinking about. “Whatever, that’s a problem for another day. Now, what are your official finale predictions? Because I’m willing to literally put money down on a dramatic scene of Jack and Alex calling whatever they have off, sunset in the background and that new Selena Gomez song playing before camera cuts and they announce the new lead.”

Michael marches back into the living room and throws a $20 bill down on the coffee table. “Harry and Niall make it all the way to the overnight date before Harry gives some shit like ‘the music just isn’t there anymore’ and then they play that new Julia Michaels song while Niall cries.”

“Deal.”

*