#Who Am I?
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unknown//janet finch/white oleander//holyaches//unknown//sylvia plath/the bell jar// sue zhao//carol rifka brunt/tell the wolves i’m home//suzanne rivecca/death is not an option//ineloquent-creature
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who am i?
miles to go, kait kerrigan and bree lowdermilk / practice and science of drawing, harold speed / tumblr user @/avainblue / the sympathizer, viet thanh nguyen / come on in!, charles bukowski / this night has opened my eyes, the smiths
#web weave#web weaving#webweave#webweaving#kait kerrigan#bree lowdermilk#harold speed#viet thanh nguyen#charles bukowski#the smiths#on identity#on rediscovery#identity#rediscovering yourself#who am i?#who are you
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#advaita#nonduality#spiritual#spirituality#yoga#meditation#hinduism#freedom#self inquiry#peace#awareness#consciousness#sri ramakrishna#sri ramana maharshi#ramana maharshi#ramana#sri nisargadatta maharaj#nisargadatta#who am i?#who am i#knowthyself#know thyself#meditatedaily#meditateonthis#awakening#spiritual awakening#awakethesoul#the matrix#self realization#selfless
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DP x DC Prompt #45
Zatanna didn't know how she ended up here. Not fully. She knew she was in a fight with an unusual foe, and now she was in a place she had only read about. The Infinite Realms.
How was she supposed to get back? It was notoriously difficult to escape this place if you didn't know your way around.
Then, a figure in some sort of hazmat suit approaches. She prepares what she can, not knowing whether this stranger is friend or foe.
"Hey, you look lost. Need some help?"
#finemeal prompt#dp x dc#zatanna zatara#danny fenton#zatanna gets lost in the infinite realms#and danny's like#ah another one#alright let's get you outta here#i imagine zatanna's work doesn't work quite right here either#why?#cuz i said so and it's fun#you don't have to listen to me#who am i?#you're boss?#do what you want with this idc#pop off monarchs
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"New year, new me?" I mumble, clutching a sheet around myself as I exit the morgue
#Eighth Doctor#Doctor Who#Paul McGann#Every year since 2015 I feel a little closer to understanding his level disorientation#Who am I?#like fuck babe I feel u
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What's the date today?
youtube
24/6/01!
#Les miserables#les mis#My Post#Jean Valjean#Who am I?#24601#!#24601 day#Happy 24601 day!#Musical#Fandom
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nothing safe is worth the drive
Pairing: Evan Buckley and Eddie Diaz (911)
Word Count: 2,1k
And, sure, it took Buck way too long to realize what he was feeling. To name it. To try to understand it. But he's here now. And can't keep not doing something about it. So he's doing something about it. He's getting in the goddamn car. Who cares if it's almost midnight? Who cares if they're just out of a 24-hour shift? Who cares if he doesn't know for sure the answer he's gonna get? He's doing it. He's gonna say it. Put his feelings out in the world. Evan Buckley is in love with Eddie Diaz. And he's gonna tell him. or Buck decides he needs to confess his feelings and drives over in the middle of the night.
read it on ao3
#911 fic#911 fanfic#buddie#buddie fanfic#writing#otp: you don't need to pretend with me#911fics#usercam#hi have a fic i wrote at 3 in the morning last night oaksaokasaoksa#or maybe the correct thing is this morning lol#anyway#look#fluff#on bucks pov#who am i?#aoskasaokaslokasas
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STWG daily drabble - 28/09/23
Prompt: horse
Warnings: mentions of chronic pain
This is the longest thing I have ever shared, and the weirdest thing I have ever written. I have literally zero idea where this came from. It's not beta'd, apologies for typos etc. This is just shy of 2.5k words, so yeah... not so Drabble actually.
****
“So, what’s on your mind today, Eddie?”
He sees Doctor Pearcey every Wednesday at 2pm. Has done now for two months. And it’s the first thing she says to him every time he sits down. What’s on your mind today, Eddie? He’s responded in various ways. With anger. With humour. With distrust. On one particularly memorable day, with silence, which Doctor Pearcey matched in spades. The two of them sat there for an hour and didn’t say a single word. Eddie wanted to peel his skin off about ten minutes into it.
He’s in more pain than usual today, has a lower tolerance for her psychobabble mumbo jumbo, so he’s already looking to derail the session before he gets in the room.
“Have you ever ridden a motorcycle?” Eddie asks her.
“No, I haven’t. Have you?”
“Hmm, couple of times.”
There’s silence for a minute or so. It’s like they’re playing therapy chicken, who gives in and speaks first? It’s usually him.
“I like them. Like how fast they are, you know? How free you feel on them.” He digs his thumb into the leather of the armchair, leaving little crescent nail marks.
“And what’s got you thinking about that today?”
The beautiful purple Kawasaki he passed on his way here today would be the easy answer. But when did he ever do anything easy?
“Wayne hates them. I’ve been wanting one for years, but he begged me not to. Asked me to wait till I was twenty one. I think he thought I would just grow out of it.”
“And have you?”
“Fuck no. I want one more than ever.”
She waits.
“I’m twenty one next week, and I won’t be getting a motorcycle because my leg is fucked, and I can’t twist or move properly.” He doesn’t bother hiding the bitterness. “It doesn’t matter, I mean, it’s whatever at this point, just another thing I can’t do, add it to the fucking pile, right?”
He changes the subject and she follows along behind waiting for breadcrumbs. Eventually their time comes to an end and he’s desperate to get out.
“Do you trust me, Eddie?”
He lets out an incredulous laugh. “You work for the spook agency that started this fucking nightmare. So, no, not really.”
She smiles back. “That’s fair.” She walks to her desk and scribbles a note before handing it to him. Eddie takes it from her like it’s poisonous.
“Meet me at that address on Sunday. Two PM. I’ll be waiting.”
And that is definitely not how the sessions usually end.
——
Wayne is working so Steve offers to take him. And Eddie isn’t going to say no to spending some time with him, especially when he’s walking into the unknown. Although the unknown appears to be…
“A horse sanctuary? Why the fuck does she want to meet you at a horse sanctuary?”
“Maybe she’s going to shoot me and put me out of my misery.”
Steve slaps him against the chest with the back of his hand. “Dude.”
“Sorry.”
He sees her standing at a fence watching a couple of horses wander around the paddock. The ground is a little rough below his feet and his leg has been a complete nightmare all week, so Steve walks with him, hand gently resting at Eddie’s elbow as he traverses the uneven ground with his cane. It makes him grateful and fucking furious all at the same time. Such is his life these days.
“You came. I’m glad,” she says, smiling brightly.
“Well, my curiosity door was opened,” replies Eddie and Steve stifles a laugh beside him.
Steve heads back to the car, squeezes Eddie’s elbow gently, before saying goodbye to the Doc. She watches the exchange intently, and Eddie feels entirely scrutinised. He hasn’t spoken about Steve in the sessions, has no intention of doing so and the last person he would want to know about it is someone that works for the fucking feds.
“So, why am I here, exactly?”
“I thought you might like to get out of that stuffy office for a change. You never seem very comfortable.”
Eddie laughs. “Uh huh, and what is it that gave you the impression I’d be comfortable in a field full of horses?”
She shrugs. “Humour me.”
See, it was shit like that that drove Eddie crazy. Humour me. It’s Sunday. Right now he could be lying on his bed playing guitar, reading, hanging out with Steve. He could be jerking off. All of which was preferable to standing in a field full of horseshit.
“Okay, well I’m not in a humorous mood, so I’m going to leave you to your equine endeavours.” He turns to leave.
“There’s someone I want you to meet. Before you go. Will only take a minute.” The Doc waves at a stable hand and a few minutes later Eddie is face to face with a beautiful white horse.
“I swear to god, if you tell me his name is Shadowfax…”
She laughs. “No, this is Tony. Tony, meet Eddie.” Tony whinnies, nodding his head up and down, his mane blowing gently in the wind. Eddie smiles. God damn her.
Eddie reaches over the fence to stroke Tony. This gorgeous, graceful animal, and it’s called fucking Tony.
“He’s beautiful. How come he’s here?”
“He was a race horse, I believe. But he was slow, didn’t make his owners any money. So now he gets to live here and lead a good life.”
“Doesn’t he miss racing? Like, aren’t they bred for that? What does he do all day if he can’t race anymore?”
“It wasn’t meant to be. But he’s patient, and kind and now he helps people learn to ride. And he’s very, very good at that.” She turns to face him, one arm hooked over the fence. “You said you were disappointed at not being able to ride a motorcycle? Correct?”
Where the fuck was this going?
“Yeah… ?”
“Why ride a steel horse when you can ride the real thing?”
Eddie splutters. “You have to be kidding me?” She just keeps smiling. He stares at her, open mouthed and wide eyed. “You’re fucking serious?”
“I’m fucking serious,” she says, with a glint of mischief. “You wanted the freedom and the excitement of riding. Well, I’m offering it to you. Or, Tony’s offering it to you, really.”
He looks between her and Tony. “Did you miss the part about my leg being fucked? How the hell am I even supposed to get up there? And what if I fall? No, absolutely not.”
The Doc gives him a long hard stare. “Do you trust me?” she ask him.
“No.”
“The sanctuary has a programme for disabled riders. Tony is the best of the best. You’d be perfectly safe. Come on, Eddie. I think you’ll enjoy it.”
“This was… very nice, I guess, of you to think about this, but no. Sorry. It’s not the same as a bike, like at all. I have control of the bike, my bike can’t just run off and start jumping over fences and shit.”
“No, but your bike’s not smart. Tony is smart. He’s kind. He feels his rider, he knows what they need, knows when they’re scared. He fills in the gaps, takes the lead when a rider needs it, hands them back control when they don’t. He can guide you. Look after you. Your bike can’t do that.”
He feels his resolve wane. He sighs. Animals, they get him every time.
“People get hurt riding horses.”
“Sure, but they don’t call motorbikes donorcycles for nothing, Eddie.” Touché.
He shakes his head, this is such a stupid idea, but eventually that little pixie voice in his head just says fuck it, and within fifteen minutes he’s wearing a very unflattering helmet, climbing a mounting block and being helped into the saddle on Tony’s back.
He feels like he’s going to slip off the other side, and every time Tony moves his head forward toward the ground Eddie panics because it feels like he’ll just lean forward and drop like a rock to the ground. It's incredibly disorienting.
Eddie grips the reins so hard he sees his knuckles go white until the instructor shows him how to hold them properly. They show him how to guide Tony but ultimately Tony is doing all the work here, Eddie is just along for the ride.
He’s led around the paddock, and yeah, he feels stupid at first, self conscious sitting up in the air for everyone to see. But eventually he gets into the swing of it, and it’s… nice. Nerve wracking, but nice.
They’re going at walking speed, he can feel the rhythmic sway of Tony’s body, and it’s comforting. Why is it comforting? It’s not exactly the Kentucky Derby, but he can’t stop himself from grinning.
Eddie knows fuck all about horses, less than fuck all actually, but if he didn’t know better he’d say that Tony was enjoying himself. And as much as he hates that she’s right, he feels at peace. Feels like he trusts this animal, who he literally just met, but who seems to be having a ball wandering around with this asshole on his back.
“Wanna pick it up a bit?” asks the instructor and Eddie’s about to say ‘fuck no’ when Tony comes to a stop. Like he knows Eddie’s not sure. Eddie strokes along Tony’s thick, white mane, and pats his shoulder.
“Eurgh, yeah, shit, okay,” he says before leaning forward and whispering in Tony’s ear, “look after me, okay? Cause I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing up here.” Tony answers with a swooping nod of the head and then they’re off.
They’re barely going any faster as Tony trots around the paddock, but Eddie can definitely feel the difference. The soft, comforting sway has been replaced by a harder jolt. He’s going to pay for it tomorrow, can already feel it in his hips and back, and he hasn’t got the strength in his leg to properly push up from the stirrups, but it doesn’t matter.
The last time he was on a motorcycle he was seventeen, and it belonged to a friend of Reefer Rick’s. He was riding pillion and they were going way over the speed limit, and he’d never felt more alive, more free. He was young enough and dumb enough to think he’d never get hurt. He was invincible at seventeen. He wasn’t even a little bit scared of falling off. The folly of youth.
In three short years the folly of youth has been replaced with constant dread and a little bit of paranoia.
This isn’t the same as that careless charge up the highway, not by a long shot, but it’s exciting in it’s own way, like going on a roller coaster instead of walking through an alternate universe.
He feels at peace. A moment in time when he’s not having to think about doctors appointments, worrying about Wayne, worrying about his future. His life has got so small since March. The kids are at school and he’s not, but he can’t work so he spends endless unfilled hours at home, waiting for other people to have space for him.
The constant churn in his mind slows, his thoughts empty, his worries silence.
They go back to a steady walk, Tony’s body lilting from side to side, a gentle rock. Eddie already loves him. He’s a fucking sap. Horses? Rich people pets? No way man, not for him. But this guy, this is Eddie’s guy now.
As they turn in the paddock he sees Steve leaning over the fence, grinning.
“Nice hat!” Asshole.
Eddie flips him off but Steve just laughs, sunglasses pushed back up on his head. Steve can read him like a book, and Eddie knows he can see it. The complicated emotions today is bringing out in him. The joy and the excitement and the little bit of sadness. Steve raises his eyebrows, that little silent okay? Eddie smiles shyly and nods in response. They’ll talk properly later, when Eddie is trying to unpack everything.
It’s over too soon. Eddie’s helped down and fuck, yeah he’s in a little pain now, but Jesus it was so worth it. He pats Tony, strokes his neck, tells him what a beautiful boy he is, and Tony leans over nudges his nose against the side of Eddie’s face. There is a conversation happening between them, just this little quiet acknowledgement of something. Eddie doesn’t want to leave him. He feels… changed, weirdly. Like it was spiritual. Like something inside him got cracked open just a little.
“So?”
Doctor Pearcey stands behind him, looking pretty pleased with herself.
He tilts his head to the side, makes a big show of it. “Yeah, it was okay.” Eddie knows she sees through his bullshit. They’ll be talking about this next week. No need to go through it all now.
They head back to the car, Steve at his elbow again, and Doctor Pearcey hands him a card with the sanctuary number on. “Just in case you’d like to come back.”
He does. Wayne is going to enjoy giving him shit, and he doesn’t even want to think of the number of jockey jokes in his future, but he really does want to do this again.
The car ride is quiet on the way home, just the sound of some top forty shit in the background, but Eddie’s mind is elsewhere. He feels still, his head is clear and quiet. Ridiculously relaxed.
“How’s your ass?” asks Steve.
Eddie grins. “Haven’t had any complaints.”
“Jesus Christ.” But he’s laughing. They’re both laughing.
“So, you want to do it again? We can make it regular, I’ll just make sure Keith doesn’t schedule me for Sundays.”
Eddie stares at the side of Steve’s face. This guy. This fucking guy.
“You’d do that?”
“Of course I would.” Steve looks studiously out at the road, hands firmly at ten and two. “I’d do anything for you.”
Eddie feels like he’s skipped a breath, but tentatively reaches his hand across the console and pokes at Steve’s thigh. Steve takes a hand off the wheel, reaches blindly to find Eddie’s, gives it a little squeeze before letting go. They don’t look at each other.
He leans back in his seat, imagines Tony, galloping, mane trailing behind him in the wind. Just beautiful.
Why the fuck did they call him Tony?
#stwgdailyprompt#steddie#steddie fanfiction#eddie munson#steve harrington#cw chronic pain#stranger things#not really that angsty#little bit fluffy in places#who am I?#my writing#dreamy writes
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Ella's BUS Residence | Sage, SimDonia
???: Hey! We're going to be late for orientation. Are you coming?
Ella surprised: Huh? Oh, hey Kali. What'd you say?
Kali groans: Please don't tell me you're thinking about prom again.
Ella sighs: Yeah, I shouldn't have opened this stupid yearbook...
Kali: I know your prom was pretty sucky, but we're in college now! Time for a fresh start!
Ella: I know, I know. You're right.
Kali: Starting fresh with orientation. You ready?
Ella's phone beeps
Ella: Ah, shit. I have a meeting at Willington Palace today!
Kali: Oh, my Watcher! Really? With the Queen or whatever?
Ella: Yes, with the Queen! My parents are going to kill me if I'm late. Ugh, how could I forget?
Ella: Gotta change! Sorry, Kal. I'm sure you can catch Vicky and Chantel next door. They're probably heading out, too.
Kali: No, worries, Elle. This is what I get for rooming with a Duchess. See you later and say hi to the queen for me!
So, here's more of Ella's living situation! She lives in a townhouse with three 2-bedroom apartments. The same one her friend Anthony lives in. He's been there a year since he's a grade older than them.
Here's Kali's room upstairs!
Next door is Victoria and Chantel, Ella's besties!
You can see Vicky in their living room lol this is actually the unit that Ella and her parents toured. Anyway, top room is Vicky's and the bottom one is Chantel's. Vicky majors in physchology and Chantel biology.
And lastly, there is Eric and Anthony in the last apartment.
I was playing with Anthony in this lot for a while so I could test it out. He actually met a girl named Rylee and is engaged lol so she also lives with them. I forget what the boys majored in lol they have a little party room upstairs. And they all have nice backyards which I have no pictures of today. Sorry! End of dorm tour.
#simdonia#chap 13#roommate reveal!#cousin kali is officially simdonia bound!#She is also majoring in drama with an emphasis on fashion#this meeting with the queen seems important#sims of color#sims 4 gameplay#sims 4 story#ts4#royal sims#royal simblr#there was a time when I had my whole chap drafted before posting#now that I'm with child here I am drafting a post mere hours before it goes live lol#who am i?#sim: ella#sim: kali
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"To go beyond the mind, you must be silent and quiet. Peace and silence, silence and peace – this is the way beyond. "
-Nisargadatta Maharaj
#advaita#nonduality#spiritual#spirituality#yoga#meditation#hinduism#freedom#self inquiry#peace#nisargadatta#sri nisargadatta maharaj#sri ramakrishna#ramana maharshi#ramana#peaceandquiet#knowthyself#know thyself#meditatedaily#meditateonthis#silence#self realization#awareness#consiousness#self contemplation#contemplating life#who am i?#who am i#moksha#hinduculture
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Who am I..?
Ẃ̶̢̨͎̙̞̳͔̫̦̥̙͉̟̩͖͓͉̟̮̳̙̠̰͕̯͈̖̙͔̫̝͆̌̑͋͂͗́̍̒̊̄̋͗̉̾̂͒͝ḩ̷̡̡̛͇̝̺̹̣̜̗̦̖̙̜̙̝̰̬̠̻͎́͛̃͗̉̀̀̈́̆̈́͋̋͌̽͆͆̅͋̃̓̊̈́̊̆̈̆̎̃̈́̕̕͘̚͠͠ơ̶̧͎̝͈͉̥̙̲̦̻̼͌̀̐͌̓̎̃͊̂̋̍̈͛̓̃̔͒̈́̊̍͆̿͌̀́́̚̕͜͜͝ ̶̨̡̧̢̧͍͈̭͙̮̺̝̣̹̹̥̫͔͇͓̘̦̰̀̑̈̆̄͋̌̓́̀̏̀̈́̎̉̑ͅă̴̢̧̡͕̫͕̮̖̹̩̳̻̦̼͖̪͙̘̦̤͙̼͙̺̞͙͖̝͍̰̙̔̾͛̔̍͋͊̒͋̎͑́̄͑͑̊͋̕͜ͅͅm̵̧̧̨̧͉̜̰̯̭̱͖̟̘̩͖̹̹̤͎̜̞͉͔̜͔̝͈͙͉̳̦̭͙͊̔̊̾̿̃̅̐̏͗͜͜͝ ̸̨̻̝̝͎̘̣̼̯̤͙̏̈́͑̈́̍̉͆̀̐̓̿̇́͆͑̎͛̆̈́̒̈́͝ͅI̵̢̡̛̛̩̟̦͚̦͖̓̇͐̃̇͋̄̇̑̍̒͒̒̈́̊̌͑͗͂́̚?̶̧̨̛̙̜̱͍̯̜͗́͂̀̉̑̿̔̐͐̋͂̽̍̈͑͑͛͌̉͒̍͗͂͘͝
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I just need someone to touch me.
I don't care which way.
Hateful, lovingly,sadly. I don't care.
Just hold me.
PLEASE.
#hell is a teenage girl#female manipulator#female hysteria#girlblogging#female rage#girl interrupted#im just a girl#just girly things#femcel#girlhood#female insanity#im so tired#im slowly going insane#who am i?#i hate everything#i want to disappear#why me
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