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[totothewolff]

Season of Love (2/?)

+18 | Toto x reader fem!teamprincipal, romance, comedy, and some good drama.

Summary: One night on a pier in Monaco, while admiring the sea under the night skies, you tell Toto: "I came to the conclusion that love is simply not meant for me." That's the answer to a question you have been asking yourself for the longest time. But what if he proved you wrong? Author's note: This is a multichapter Toto Wolff x team principal reader fic set along a season of F1. It's a very immersive story full of drivers, team dynamics, races, mystery, and smut. You just bought the Williams team, but nobody really knows who you truly are.

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Dances with Wolff Arc Chapter 2: Lights out, and away your feelings go!

Australia By mere luck, Toto had one of those sponsors' events in the afternoon, and he was wearing a Tom Ford tan suit with a white shirt, a classic ensemble, instead of his usual Mercedes kit.

And you, well, you looked so chic wearing a romantic Saint Laurent satin mini dress with an off-the-shoulder neckline paired with ribbon bowtie Jimmy Choo stilettos up to the occasion.

You wave Sam goodbye as she enters the car and returns to the hotel. And then Toto and you stay standing there, not knowing what to do next.

—So, at what time is the reservation? —Toto asks you.

—In two hours, it is downtown.

—Good. We are getting there on time, right?

—Oh yeah, we can go on my c... —You look at the empty space where your Lambo was parked - well, where Michael parked it, now empty and immediately take out your phone, shit! You left it on airplane mode. All messages and missed calls start to appear, red dots everywhere. Your assistant asked if you needed the car or if they had moved it to the hotel hours ago. Later, she sent the chauffeur to pick you up, but he couldn't reach you. He waited for you a long time and left.

—My team took my car, so...

—No worries. I can take us there.

"For sure you can!" you thought. Jesus, why were you so horny lately?

Toto then texts his chauffeur, and on your way, you two go; it was a quiet ride for a bit.

—So...

—So...

You both laugh at the back of the car.

—So our minds are connected, huh? —you joke, referring to your tendency to talk at the same time.

—It's becoming a bad habit, yes —Smiles. —I was going to ask you where have you been existing. Everyone close to me seems to know you, but they never mentioned it before; I feel left out; somehow, I have no idea who you are —Toto tells you.

—First of all, I take serious offense that neither Niki nor Sam mentioned me before; how dare they? And to answer your question in Belgium. I met Niki recently and Sam forever ago but she is pretty private so I guess that's why.

—Umh, I thought Sam and I had something special, but I'm calling it quits —Toto says. —She keeps secrets from me —putting on a fake sad face.

—Welcome to da' club. She's all Lewis's now.

-

Then, at the restaurant.

Toto and you were greeted by a blond supermodel-looking hostess who took you to your booked table. You entered the historical building - big old brown bricked walls, high ceilings with restored wooden beams, and dark marble tile floors - barely lit with just a couple of lights strategically placed reflected on the walls. The tables were small and intimate, and all the furniture was statement pieces - wooden carved and expensive textiles - the silverware and china were spectacular. The place was a printery back in the day, and it ended up in the middle of downtown and has now turned into a Michelin-starred restaurant.

The hostess acted extra caring with Toto, taking all the time to tenderly adjust his blindfold and explain every single step and detail of the dining experience. Since he couldn't see her, she went all handsy, relying on touch a bit much, and for obvious reasons, she tied your blindfold too tight. Really, girl?! Sorority like in where?

—So it's crucial for the experience when you give the food to each other, slowly savor the flavors and then start a conversation about each dish, what it made you feel, what reminded you of, what you thought it was, taking turns —she tells you two as she takes each your hand and makes you feel the space where a single plate full of finger food where to be placed - on top of a marble "lazy susan." —Please let me know if you need me —a lot of emphasis on "need me" and more addressed to Toto than you.

Wait, what?! Give each other the food?! What on earth?! You are so glad Toto isn't able to see you because, for sure, you are tomato red. Then you hear the hostess walk away.

—I frequent high-cuisine restaurants all over the world, yet I haven't dared with this one. It has so many mixed reviews —Toto tells you.

—I met the Chef at an auction gala for charity. He sat at our table and sold us the idea, which sounded exciting and intrigued me, so I told him I would stop by when in Melbourn —you add. He never mentioned that we had to feed each other during the experience.

A moment later, the dish arrived, and the experience began. Your hands were shaking a little bit. Your days went from ignoring Toto's bare existence to placing food into his mouth now.

—By all means, you go first —He offers you. Why did he have to be a gentleman?!

—Sure, thanks —You don't know where to start, so you pick a bite and stay there frozen when Toto notices it softly grabs your hand to guide you to his mouth to avoid you pocking him an eye with the food. Many "Oh god, oh god" fill your mind. You could sense him slowly biting the food from your fingers, his warm breaths on your skin, while hearing soft crunch noises.

He munches. And you wait, hand now resting on the table.

—Soft skin —he says.

—That is what it tasted you like?!

—No, of course not —Toto softly chuckles. —You have soft skin. The bite tasted like, amh, some sort of Gnocchi, but it wasn't. I'm not a big fan of this one and its flavor.

—So you like Italian cuisine?

—Everyone likes Italian cuisine, duh.

—Excuse you? That attitude, Sir! —you flirt, I mean, joke with him.

—Yes! I used to spend the summers in Italy with my family. It is a country that reminds me of my father. Cinque Terre has a special place in my heart.

—You miss your dad —You say before thinking, shit! Now he will assume that Sam and you gossip about him or think you Googled him. Shit! You are supposed to not know anything about him. Lol, if he knew. —It must be hard being away from family all the time with this busy schedule —Smart girl... Good save..?

He looks at you, a bit confused. —Ahm, yes. I miss my dad.

—Okay, it's my turn! —you shift topics quickly and naturally.

Toto picks up a small bite, and you wrap your hand around his wrist, guiding him to your mouth. Your thumb finger could feel his pulse, which weirdly relaxes you. You bite the food slowly, and your lips make a bit of contact, brushing the skin of his fingers.

—What does it taste you like? —he asks you. You try your best not to have dirty thoughts.

—Feet? God, this is awful —you answer while trying to chew the fucker.

Toto almost chokes on his water. Who calls feet a signature Michelin-star dish?

—I'm so hating this! I can't with pretentious places, to be honest. Uptight people are the worst!

—You tell me I live surrounded by those, but you will be fine. Why did you mention the uptight people?

—Send tips. Because there is no way an average person could have come up with this idea and this type of food! What are these flavors, honestly?!

—You are hilarious.

—Aw, thanks. What am I to you, a clown? Well, every circus needs one... I'm glad to help! Why do you keep laughing, stop!

—You are so right; F1 can be a circus! —Toto admits.

—So, what's your job at the F1 circus? No, seriously, don't laugh. TOTO STOP. Do you juggle or what? —You two keep reaching closer over and under the small table, knees now touching.

—Highly accurate! Or I could be that one guy on the tightrope! —He waves his arms.

—So meta. Listen, for us girls being the ones stereotypically called "catfight-ty," you guys...

—You have no idea! And it is just starting...

—Does the drama get too good? You are getting me excited! Don't play with my heart, Torger.

—I won't —Somehow, it sounds more profound and meaningful. Silence.

—Can we go back to the food, please? We are getting distracted from its delicious flavors —you say amidst giggles. —What? Don't you believe me? This dish is so good, "Latifi good".

Chuckles. Then you notice Toto left his right hand on top of yours this whole time.

With your free one, you pick up another portion. —Oh, you are going to love this one. Smells, uhm, so good. Wait for my soft hands to come closer —you tease Toto.

He loses it. People around you start judging you two; you are being "noisy."

—Why suddenly I don't want to open my mouth? I'm not helping you get there anymore. Find your way; if you miss it, then I'm so sorry.

—Oh, don't you worry, "Tots". I can always ask for more of these.

—Oh god, no.

The dining experience ended on the sixth small bite, thank Jesus. You two never walked out of a restaurant that fast, and none of you felt like staying to experience the drinks part, judging by the food.

But were in desperate need of refreshers. The night was now fully set, and the air was fresh. You two walk almost hand in hand on the sidewalk under the clear skies, choosing to explore the city, looking in the surroundings for a pub. You were lured by a very busy one - with live music - three drunk girls burst out of the door in a great mood, and it looked packed; then it must be good!

It was. —Do I ask to pour you a pint, too? Or are you on a diet or something? —Toto offers you on his way to get drinks. A great cover of "Your Love by The Outfield" played in the background. The singer had great vocals, and the guitarist was so talented.

—On a diet? God, no. I'm not that fit! Who gives that excuse? Who's that picky?

—There are people —Toto answers, a bit sad. You wonder if Sussie behaved like that. Of course, you don't dig.

While he goes on his mission, you find the last free table for yourselves. The place was what you pictured when someone said "pub". A classic, extensive wooden bar, tap beer, and tons of bottles on display. Small round tables, bar stools, and many empty frames hanging on the wooden panel walls mixed with art deco posters. It's nothing fancy but eclectic and cool.

As time passed, you two got drunk and the beers, too. You talked and talked and talked about everything. At least what you two wanted to share, obvious subjects were avoided. Toto didn't mention Sussie the whole time, and you chose not to reveal much about your "situation." The two of you formed a bond and had such chemistry none could explain. You were feeling so comfy with each other. He looked so happy and having a blast, and you were, too.

Then, the drinking contest started, and you sent your best knight to battle. You ended up sitting cross-legged on top of the bar with your short dress going up with your every move, surrounded by a group of people watching the spectacle - as well as the other couples of contestants - with Toto on his feet right next to you, resting one of his hands on your thighs. At the same time, you poured the beers directly into his mouth. The first one to finish a row of four pints with no pauses and successfully do "the loaded twirl" - four fast spins - then walk to ring the bell at the end of the counter - without falling - could leave not paying a penny, and win a cool metal medal too.

Toto sounded the bell first. And the place went fucking nuts.

By the end of your night out, you two couldn't even walk straight as you were being playful on the sidewalk on your way to meet your driver. At some point, you lost a heel while dancing, you knew how to move and rhythm was natural to you. Toto carried you around until a good soul gifted you his flip-flops; the poor unknown hero was so into you. Fantastic pubs and guys on flip-flops, thank you, Australia.

While rocking the stranger's flip-flops with your Saint Laurent mini dress, you were singing and throwing some moves on the street at the sound of "Notorious by Duran Duran" - it was the last song you heard the band played before leaving and got stuck in your head - it was around 4 a.m. by then.

Toto had his medal wrapped around his head, looking all stupid and hot. There is no sight of his suit jacket. He must have lost it when you took him to the bathroom - of course, you waited for him outside. He was too drunk to get there alone - or when you two started dancing, burning some of the alcohol in your systems.

There is something about him that makes you feel so many things, and you don't want the night to end. And you wanted to spend more time with him, listening to his voice, hearing his laugh, looking at his eyes, having his body near yours. You find him so attractive.

—I don't remember the last time I had this much fun; it must have been ages ago! —he says, way too loud and drunk.

—Me too! We should do this again! Are you sure it's here? —you reply, looking around. No cars in sight.

—Yes! I'm not that drunk. Here is where the pin marks —he says, looking too closely into his phone. His nose almost touched the screen, looking at the map.

—Let me see.

—Nein —He raises his phone, extending his arm, placing it out of your reach. You jump to grab it, failing miserably. You ended up bumping him instead. Balance isn't a thing for any of you at the moment. And you both get closer. At some point in the night, you two started to behave like magnets, unable to keep away from each other, all handsy. Toto places a hand on your lower back to steady you.

You aren't sure if the sensation you are feeling is the alcohol in your system or the butterflies in your stomach.

—You are so carefree. Zero pretentious. So fun. So captivating, so... —Toto says in such a dangerous voice, staring at your lips with his fingers, placing your hair behind your ear.

You two get closer.

—So..? —You beg him to continue, staring at his lips too. You take the lead and start closing the distance between you.

It's been a while since either of you had sex in your lives.

Or love.

He looks at you with desire and affection but without moving an inch. Then Toto decides to take a step back.

That distance feels like miles, and the car arrives. Ending an almost perfect night.

You feel ashamed since you overstepped and carried yourself away. None of you mentioned what just happened on the ride back to the hotel.

-

Spending time with you starts to feel like a necessity to him now.

Toto is standing there, left shoulder leaning against the bar wall near where the band is playing, sipping his beer, watching you dance with some strangers, glowing and smiling, and having fun among those girls while he admires your curves and body movements. You have the magic to make him forget about the rest of the world, its people, and its problems. Going out with you tonight felt like healing, like self-care. 

After days of being heartbroken, Toto called things off with Sussie, which was not an easy choice. She was the love of his life, or so he thought, and after spending a significant portion of your life with someone, saying goodbye to that person is never easy.

Even if tonight was great and felt like a lucid dream, he couldn't escape reality forever. This Cinderella story had an end.

Of course, he notices the way you look at him. The attention you pay to his every word, your excitement every time you make him smile, or how you lean closer to his touch whenever the two of you make accidental - or not - contact.

But he wasn't ready for you. Of course, he would love to make a move and enjoy the whole of you, explore your every corner, trace your hips with his hands, and feel your body beneath his, making you release sounds he would love to hear. He wanted to fuck you badly, but you weren't just for a one-night stand.

You deserved someone who could fully admire you. That worshiped you. And Toto wasn't able to be that guy at the moment. He felt wounded and needed time for himself.

So, when you had the courage he lacked to make the move, knowing that if he accepted that kiss, you would wake up tangled in his sheets, he stepped back.

Seeing your surprised, embarrassed, and hurt reaction spiraled him into coming days of somber mood and turned into a quiet ride back to the hotel.

-

Once you reach your destination, the driver opens the car door for you, and you step out of it, praying your balance has returned. After that fiasco ending of the night, all the alcohol in your system seems to have evaporated thanks to that emotional gut punch Toto gave. You glimpse Toto catching your step, walking now as normal as you.

You two may be walking seemly normal now but your looks scream drunks, loud and clear! - messy hair and clothes, not to mention your flip flops, a thing that made you smile as you remembered the now distant memory - as you passed by a floor-to-ceiling mirror on the way to the elevators.

The bellboy pushes the buttons to open the elevator doors for you.

—On which floor is your room? —he asks.

—Oh, no, we aren't...

—Eleven —you answer a little deadpan, interrupting Toto.

—Fourteen —he mumbles.

As you two go up, you start saying goodbye, also wanting to cut the tension a bit. —It was a fun night, "Tots"! My liver may disagree, but we'll see —you smile.

—Yeah, yeah, it was, except for that horrid food —he replies.

—Let's not, let's bury that part.

He nods with a small smile. The door opens on your floor. You smile at him one last time and head out.

Toto wants to say, "Wait!" or follow you down that corridor, inviting himself to your room and bed, but instead, he remains just standing there, and the elevator goes up.

-

You take your time to walk down the corridor, hoping there is still a chance, till you hear the sound of the elevator's doors closing and following it, total silence, no footsteps, no movement. So you let out a sigh and get inside your room.

You are left facing a feeling of emptiness and solitude as you walk across the empty and dark suite with your surviving heel in hand, and then you toss it across the room on the carpet. You enter the shower and start washing your make-up and body off, letting your mind wander to the idea that the two of you could be there right now.

So, a bit defeated by not having Toto's naked and wet body before you, you send yourself to bed, struggling to fall asleep and shut down your brain; after a while, you feel yourself drifting away in the arms of Morfeo - and sadly not Toto's.

-

—He thinks I'm captivating and have soft hands —you say while giggling like a teenager, adding sugar to your Chai at the end of the counter. Already in a better mood, trying to look at the bright side of things.

—Soft hands??? —Sam replies, making a silly face and grabbing a napkin.

You two meet on your way to get Starbucks, located two buildings away from the hotel. You are still hungover and need fuel before stepping into the paddock.

—You know, never mind. I don't want to know —Sam adds, biting her bagel.

—Oh, wait. No. Nothing like that happened —you wave your hands in concern.

—Calm down; you know he and Sussie are in the middle of a time-off. Nothing wrong if it had happened. He has been in such awful moods lately that I think he needs it to happen. This time, their breakup seems real.

—Really!?

—Can you at least don't sound that excited? Oh god, you are smiling. I hate love —Sam sips her black coffee, rolling her eyes at you.

—Leave me live my fantasy, alright? —praying sign, you joke.

—Now you will be all weird around him, won't you?

—Nooo, well, maybe a little. What? Like you don't ship us.

—Puff —Sam lets out.

—Oh, you fed me way too many details about him for years and set us up last night just because, huh?

—Okay. Fair. I sold you the idea. Am I clever, or what? Listen, I care about you two a lot, and frankly, I think you are great for each other.

—Ooh, so Sam Dobrev has a heart.

—Shut up! Please don't make me regret it —she replies, all done with life.

-

—Hi, big guy —Sam pops her head inside Toto's office, simultaneously knocking on the open door.

—You owe me one —Toto answers deadpan. Concentrated, looking straight at his iPad, not bothering to look at her.

—Why?

—That restaurant you made me go to was horrible.

—Well, I didn't pick the place, so no whines to me, but at least the company was fantastic, right?

—Umhju —Toto mutters, still looking at the screen. Then silence.

Sam interprets that answer as I'm not telling you anything else.

—Since you are here trying to gossip. Aren't you busy? If you have free time, you could help me with several things.

—Jeez, that mood. I'm not here to gossip. Here, sign this. Niki needs it.

Toto reads the paper Sam just gave him and picks up his phone. —I need to make a call. Would you mind closing the door on your way out? Thank you.

—Okay —Sam answers slowly and exaggerates the "O" while doing what was asked. Even she knows messing with a somber Toto wasn't a good idea.

Unfortunately for you, no gossip or insights of your night out were obtained from Toto.

-

It was a Grand Prix victory for Lewis. And a third place for Mick, but since it was his first podium, you guys celebrated as if he had just won the race. Sadly, Millie got pulled out of the track for a technical issue with the car.

You were hoping to chitchat with Toto at the podium ceremony, make him laugh a little, and watch his beautiful smile. Well, you hoped that the entire day, actually. But he was nowhere to be seen.

Until you spotted him in the distance, there was no casual way to start a conversation with him that way, and you didn't want to be perceived as pushy or desperate going straight to him. So you let the idea die. There was no rush.

If something was meant to be, it will happen without forcing things.

Right?

-

Azerbaijan

On the paddock in Baku, Toto chose to behave the opposite of that night in Melbourne. Serious, professional, and borderline unfriendly - but still polite.

That caught you off guard, and it was so confusing. After spending that great time together, you thought you two were on your path to becoming friends or more if luck was on your side. You didn't get the sudden change, and it was a bit hurtful when you went to say hi to him - all warm and smiling - and he gave the cold shoulder with a blunt "Good morning" and kept on walking.

You stood there looking a bit stupid, wondering if you did something to bother him or if he was acting Austrian. Maybe Toto was feeling really uncomfortable by how you approached him at the end of that night. Damn, drunk you!

But then, a couple of hours later:

"Unknown" is typing...

—Darci told me you left your office to have lunch. But I'm here outside your hospitality and don't see you - Toto.

Your assistant gave him your number. —Hi!!! Yes, I'm here having lunch.

—Where? I'm wearing my good glasses, and I'm sure you are not that bald guy eating a salad.

—Sandro is a very nice guy. Look up, grandpa!

—The rooftop? What are you, a pigeon?

No joke in reply, just an honest: —I like the view from here. It's peaceful! Bonus points for being private. No one bothers me here or intrudes. It's my secret special place. Do you want to join?

Toto finishes climbing the ladder and goes to greet you, kissing you on the cheek. As he does so, a crazy thought crosses your mind: What if you turn your head? Is stealing a kiss considered harassment? But you don't.

You two share your homemade Yakimeshi - you love cooking even if you have a private Chef, and you are damn good at it, well, according to everyone that has eaten your food, so you ask the hotel to get you the fresh ingredients you need - while talking about the day, sharing ideas, throwing shade, and enjoying each other's presence.

—What a diva! —you reply, grabbing a portion with your chopsticks.

—I know. I expected better, but engineers... you know —Toto shrugs.

—Ye! —you agree. Sometimes, they acted, well, a little bit challenging.

Toto was acting so relaxed and casual as you expected him to be, and not what was going on in the morning. You wonder so badly why there is a change in ways, but you don't dare to ask.

"What if he has bipolar disorder?" a question that came to your mind at some desperate point during your day. Not that there was something wrong with that.

The sun is setting, and you two enjoy the view, sitting next to each other - no space in between - He places his arm around you, palm resting next to your left hand, but without making physical contact.

This becomes a routine for you two, lunching together on the rooftop of the W hospitality, away from the rest of the world, in your private little bubble. It becomes your favorite moment of the day. And Toto's, too, even if he swore he would never like routine.

-

Miami

—Excuse me, excuse me, how did the tire taste you like? —you tease a very solemn Lewis walking past you on the paddock while you pretend to hold an invisible mic at his face, acting like a reporter. An instant smile forms on his lips.

—Roscoe attack! —Lewis commands.

Roscoe stares at him for a second and then wanders to sniff a palm tree, not caring.

—I think your trick didn't work —you get closer to greet him with a hug.

—He is too lazy for that —he tells you while embracing you.

—You are too cute; don't listen to that man! —you say with a silly voice, addressing Roscoe, letting Lewis go, and flexing to pet the dog, rubbing around his ears, which Roscoe seems to enjoy.

It was a Qualy of hell for Mercedes. Lewis's car's back tire flew out into the air before bouncing on a safety barrier at speed, almost hitting him back. Plus, George's car ended up in the gravel after losing power.

In contrast, Williams did great. Mick was one with the car, achieving the day's fastest lap.

—Feeling better, sweetie? —you ask Lewis with honest concern, after seeing the incident unfold and how he made it out of the car really distraught.

Although you must admit that even though that whole thing wasn't funny, the memes were pure gold, so you texted Toto your pick: the one where the tire hit the space station with a photoshopped explosion, the one with Lewis's face photoshopped on a baseball player hitting a home run, but instead of the ball it was the tire and your favorite, the one with photoshopped Toto, Lewis, and George riding the tire to the sky.

—Yeah. I'm good. A positive mindset always helps, thanks.

—I think I just saw you kicking, crying, and screaming in the bathroom, Mr. Positive Mind Set —Sam joins the conversation, teasing him.

—HA HA

—So, what's the plan for tonight-A? —she asks.

—Noone human says tonight like that. Not even Michael Jackson on drugs —you tell Sam.

—We are in Miami, chica! Aren't we clubbing?! —she replies.

—Are you high?

—I will if we go out...

—You realize we are here for work, right? —Lewis asks her.

—Like we haven't done it before. What's the worst that could happen? Toto finding out? You losing the race? Toto, finding out you lost the race because you went out clubbing with us?

—Yes! —you all answer at the same time. —To all of that —you add.

—Well, not if Toto comes with us...

Lewis starts laughing like a madman. —Sam, are you suggesting convincing Toto to go clubbing with us the night before the race so he doesn't get mad if he finds out we went clubbing?

—I got lost, mate —George arrives, earing that last part, trying to figure out what the hell.

—Well, I'll not be convincing him. Y/N is.

—ME?!

—If you really love me, you will —Sam pushes you toward the Mercedes' motorhome.

Gaslighting a bit much?

-

How am I supposed to do this? I'm going to sound so unprofessional. Although, technically, you two went out pub-ing?? and got drunk the night before the race in Australia. Okay, that made-up word sounds terrible; let's never use it again, so there may be a slight chance to relive that.

At least you needed to practice your words before going in there since "Hi, Toto, wanna go clubbing?" wasn't an option but destiny was a bitch; you two crossed paths before you had the opportunity to rehearse. Toto was on his way back to his office; he left his badge access on his desk. He seemed surprised to see you there; you were far away from the Williams' grounds. So you are forced to improvise.

—Are you looking for Sam?

—No, not really, not this time.

—Oh. Niki?

—Nope.

—Lewis?

—You.

Toto was now standing right before you with his hands in his pockets, all tall and handsome. You liked him even more when he wore his reading glasses.

You start a bit shy; Toto has a powerful presence. —I heard Miami has excellent places, and because last time I made you join me for that awful dining experience, I thought maybe we could go out and have a good time but in a better establishment.

—Tonight?

He sounds slightly judgy. You go on: —I was talking with the guys, and they mentioned "Floyd." It sounds great...

—The guys?

—Sam and Lewis, and George...

—Ooh, they sent you? Sam!

Oh boy.

—The cocktails sound goo...

—I'm not taking my drivers drinking or to a nightclub before the race or allowing it. It's ridiculous —Toto interrupts you again.

You look at him, now slightly nervous and bummed out.

—None of us is going; it's not happening —Toto adds firmly.

Yeah... He was a pro at the top of his game. Of course, he cared about discipline, mindsets, and winning races and titles; what were you thinking?!

You nod apologetically. Your eyes look a bit sad, well, because... You don't need to explain why. Just start turning around to head back and tell them the news.

—Wait! We could go to "Basement", which has a bowling alley and a DJ. But no drinking! Not even a drop for anyone; we must return to the hotel at a reasonable hour. Do you like that? That makes you happy?

—Sounds perfect to me —your smile is big and bright. Did Toto change his mind to please me?

-

To make things even, you end up bringing Millie and Mick. You wanted to make clear you weren't playing unfair tactics with your opponents. You earnestly desired to spend a good time with the people you began to care about.

The place was all for yourselves. It was a club slash bowling alley with colorful neon lights reflecting on the lanes, varying intensities and colors to the DJ's beats. It was a dope place.

Lewis invites Seb. They two took bowling seriously and had a years-long competition. They show you a list of their scores on Lewis's iPhone going back to the dark ages.

Bono also shows up, and Carlos and Lando, too, God knows how.

Lando starts stretching right in front of you, warming up, and making eye contact with you while doing his poses in a bit too sexual and exaggerated way. Samanta and you start laughing at him for acting all idiot. You two sit on the bowling benches while drinking Coke and eating popcorn.

—Every group needs a slut —you tell Lando.

—I don't think you are impressing her, man —Carlos joins, watching the spectacle, on his feet.

—It reminds me of when little children warm up before jumping into the pool —you kill Lando with your words.

—You have never seen legs like this —he tells you, overconfident. All of you laugh. —But, I will fight for your heart, malady. Is there another knight brave enough to face me in a bowling fight to the death?

—But what's the prize?! —Seb screams across all lanes.

—A NIGHT with the princess —Lando claims.

—Keep dreaming, sweetie —you reply.

—A KISS from the princess —he backtracks.

—Fine! Everyone, write your names here! —Sam takes a Post-it and a pen out of her purse - an assistant's habit - and passes them around.

—WHAT?! What are you doing?

Sam starts folding the papers and mixing them up. —The council calls Sir Hamilton to the pit!! Please choose your horse and weapon for the fight (lane and bowling ball) —Sam reads Lewis's name from the paper she picks up, and then she selects another one. —Warrior Dobrev to the fight! —cheers are heard, and Mick and Carlos pat Millie on the arm and back; Vettel massages her shoulders when she stands by her approach area. —Knight Wolff to the pit! And last but not least, Warrior Bonnington, too! —there were only five lanes. —You all brave souls are to fight buffoon Norris for a kiss of the Lady. Lord Vettel and I will oversee the combat.

—Hey! —Lando complains, pouting. Then, George starts motivating him, and they start making stupid grunts and jumps before the bowling round begins.

—The battle commences now! —Sam calls.

—You really need to stop watching House of the Dragon —you tell her.

—It's official: Bono is the worst player I have seen —Vettel interrupts, watching Bono be the first to get disqualified. —Is it okay if I leave you a second? If I don't go and bother Lewis every time to time, I get anxious —Sebastian sweetly tells you.

—Go, honey —You pat his hand and let him go. You two were watching the competition unfold together.

Lando, Lewis, and Toto were really good at it, but Millie was in a league of her own.

—How can someone so tiny have such a steady grip? —Lewis tells her she was in the lane next to his.

—Lew, I gladly would share with you all my secrets if I wasn't determined to win this —Millie replies.

—So you really want to kiss her? —he is curious, and a little smile forms on his lips.

—Look at Y/N, I wouldn't mind, but I don't want to. I think all five of us here hate losing... or love winning. Well, except for Lando, I believe he truly wants to kiss her.

"Not just him," Lewis thinks, looking in Toto's direction. After years of being teammates, he could read him like a book. It isn't just Sussie who has him shifting moods. Since you appeared, Toto began to act all weird. When Lewis noticed the looks you both exchanged, everything made sense to him.

And another fantastic strike from Lando.

Millie was almost right. Lewis loves winning and hates losing, but not when friends or feelings are in the middle. A lesson Sebastian taught him. So Lewis prepares and throws the worst shot he has ever made. His bowling ball bounces, hits the gutters, and invades the next lane, instantly disqualifying him.

Hisses and laughs fill the room. Lewis turns around, shrugs, smiles, and goes to take a seat. A minute later, he feels a thumb rubs his neck, caressing it. —Sir Hamilton, my good Sir, you sure are an honorable and respectable fellow —Sebastian tells him with his best Shakespearean voice.

—Stop talking like that, please.

—It doesn't please you how this low-grade peasant talks, good Sir?

The face Lewis gives him is priceless. Vettel laughs, and Lewis slides closer to him on the bench.

A loud "AAARGGH" comes from Lando as he dramatically throws himself to the floor. Wooff, what an awful shot.

—Luck next time, Lando! —Sam teases him as Carlos and George pass by, carrying him to the benches, one grabbing him by the legs and the other by the arms. Out of the competition, he was.

Now, it was a Dobrev vs. Wolff clash.

—Make our house name proud, niece! —Sam yells at her.

—You are having too much fun, aren't you? —you tell her.

—Sorry —Sam covers her face with her hands, monkey emoji-like. —Your knight made it to the final. Good for you, girl, but Millie is ruthless, so...

—I know! I can't watch any more. I'm too nervous! I feel like I will puke if Toto wins or if he loses.

—...she misses.

—WHAT?!

Okay, okay, this wasn't happening. Oh God. Sam turns to you and gives you a smile The Grinch will envy.

—Knight Wolff wins the battle! And takes the princess! —Sam announces. You shoot her a dead glare. —...'s kiss

Cheers are heard. Then everyone gets on their feet and starts chatting and bowling. Laughs and mocktails fill the room.

You pass Lando, still lying on the bench, on your way to get a drink. Now you need tequila in your system. —Oh, I'm so wounded! Only a kiss on the lips would heal me —he tries, offering his arms to you. The kid has the material to be an actor.

—Carlos!! Lando needs you!! —you joke back in answer, smiling at him. Lando gets on his feet in less than a second. —All good, I feel better! —he tells you, chuckling.

Toto is there when you reach the bar, sipping a whiskey on the rocks. —Not a drop of alcohol, you said? —you mock him.

—And you are here to ask for a Coke, right? —he teases you.

—A Paloma, please —you ask the bartender. —You could be a professional bowling player —Please let that become a meme, you think, and an image of a Toto in a complete bowling outfit surrounded by a group of senior citizens with white hair comes to mind.

—You picture it; that's why you are smiling.

—Nooo...

He arches an eyebrow.

—Fine. I admit it! —you sit on the bar stool next to him and rest an elbow on the bar counter, smiling like an idiot and gazing at Toto until he notices it and gets on his feet. 

—I haven't seen you play, let's go! —he tells you.

—Oh, if this really were the old ages and it was me who had to fight for your hand, consider yourself single for the rest of your life...

-

You all arrive together at the hotel and walk inside the lobby, making a lot of noise.

—Shuusshh!! Zack doesn't know I'm not in my room! —Lando whispers, looking around.

—Sure, he is hiding behind that plant, Lando. That old fart is so fucking asleep in his bed, mate! Calm down! —Vettel adds.

—Hey! You haven't kissed Toto yet —Lewis recalls and addresses you.

—Right! Give him his prize! —Mick adds.

You feel your cheeks turning red. —Are you all going to stare and make it all weird?

—YES! —everyone answers.

—You guys suck! —you complain, pretending to be annoyed at them.

—Not as much as I would like to. WHO SAID THAT?! —Millie dirty jokes, looking around.

—Millie Alexandria Dobrev! —Sam shouts, shocked. —I can't believe you...

Between giggles and two Croatians fighting in the background, you kiss Toto for the first time.

With your left hand, wrap Toto's bicep and rest your right on his chest as you reach his lips on your tiptoes. The kiss is brief, delicate, more like a brush of lips, but it is enough to make the butterflies in your stomach go wild and to still be on cloud nine when you reach your room.

-

Monaco

You were so excited to be officially living in Monaco. It was your first week there, and you had never lived on your own before. And since Sam also resided there, you spent lots of time together. You two were enjoying the break and touring the city around.

Miami went terrific, and that kiss still made rounds on your head.

Sam and you were walking in the area close to your new place when you turned the corner and were greeted by this scene: A furious Monegasque girl screaming at the top of her lungs in French words that did not sound nice at all and throwing objects out the window while a man on the street was trying to picking them up and reason with said girl. Some people were staring, and others were rushing to pass by.

—Is that Charles?! —Samanta asks you, stunned, pointing to the guy crouched and picking up what looked like a pair of Jordan's.

Yeah, that was Charles Leclerc. You two look at each other concerned and rush to help.

—Hi —Sam shouts among the screams in French.

—Oh, hey, Sam —Charles looks pretty embarrassed.

You quickly offer him the almost empty tote bag you were carrying and speed walk to grab an open, worn-out cardboard box from the greengrocery next door. The three of you start getting his things inside while avoiding getting hit by the last objects thrown out.

—Thank you —he says to you. —My girlfriend went mental.

All of you hear a loud bang and look up; she shuts the windows dramatically. "More like ex-girlfriend now" you think.

—Merde —you hear Charles say. —My keys and wallet are inside there, fuck!

You can't avoid feeling bad for the guy. He looks so done with life right now.

—Ahm, Charles, if you want to join us, we are grabbing lunch. We can grab some cocktails, too; I'll treat you guys. You seem in desperate need of alcohol and a chat.

—You're right, I need alcohol, thank you. I would love to.

The three of you walk your way to a restaurant Charles loves. It was pricey, but you agreed to let him pick the place since you were spoiling him and trying to lift his spirits.

—Huff, why are all the streets in Monaco inclined? —you complain after climbing the fourth hundred stairs of the day. —On the bright side, tho, I just need to live here to skip leg day at the gym.

Charles laughs. That's good!

The face the hostess makes when you three arrive and place the second-hand cardboard box with Charles's things on the fancy counter - clothes, some books, sneakers, a Funko Pop of Charles himself for some reason, and what looks like Xbox controllers, a man's most prized possession - makes it worth it almost losing your legs to get there.

—Good evening. Table for three? Right this way. Terrace, as usual, Mr. Leclerc? —she asks.

—Yes, please.

You are led to your table. It was a sea-inspired high-cuisine restaurant. The ceiling of the place had a breathtaking art installation: A whale made from bamboo wind chimes. —The waiter is on his way; here is the food and mixology carte —she offers you. It takes you a long time to read the entire selection.

—Ask for whatever you guys want; the check is on me. Don't hold back —you offer them.

—Great, then! It would be two spritzes instead of one, please! —Sam gestures with her fingers at the waiter, who is already taking your order. Sam seems so happy and excited; for someone who grew up that rich, she loves getting stuff for free.

—I would like a Tequila and Tonic with two tequila shots, please —you finally choose.

—A margarita and two shots of tequila for me. To start —Charles orders.

The drinks arrive quickly. At the same time, you hear everything about Charles' toxic relationship, giving him the space to spit it all out; as more alcohol makes it to the table, the more details you get.

After a good couple of hours of free therapy, high cuisine, drinks, relationship advice, and tragic love stories, it got dark.

—Well, it was a damn good chat! I'm glad we were able to help you, my friend. But we better go —Sam says to Charles. —I'm walking you back to your place —she addresses you. —I have to wake up early tomorrow. Toto wants me to join the Mercedes' Zoom call at 7 a.m., and I don't want to see his annoying, angry face at me.

The thought of an angry Toto makes you bite hard the tiny chocolate cake you are eating as dessert.

—Oh, no worries! It's just all the way down the street; I will get there without problems —you say while savoring the remains of your cake.

—Are you sure? —She inquires. You forgot how protective of you Samanta was, even if she was younger than you.

—Yeah, go, go. It's never a good idea to make an Austrian guy angry —You joke.

Charles choked on his drink, laughing. —Sweet Lord.

Sam giggles, hugs you two goodbye and waits for her Uber.

—It's late, I'll walk you. There are plenty of good hotels near your building and the marina; since I'm not going home, I need to book a room —Charles mentions.

—If you don't mind, you can crash at my place; there's not much furniture yet, but you are welcome to stay —you tell Charles. He seems relieved.

Charles sees what you meant with "not much" - just a small table with no chairs, one kitchen counter stool, a mattress in the bedroom, another on the living room floor, and some boxes, making the place look way bigger - as you two enter your apartment.

—I just got the keys —you excuse yourself.

—Oh wow, this view reminds me of my grandparents' apartment view from growing up —He reaches the balcony fast. —Oh, look, you can see the old side of Monaco from here! Good memories! —He ignores your comment, not caring much about the furniture or decor.

He seems in a better mood than before.

—Well, let me know if you need anything. Sleep well! —you say, on your way to your bedroom.

—Thank you, good night!

You hear noises outside your bedroom's open doors a few minutes later. Charles moves his mattress nearer the plug on the wall and connects the charger you lent him to his phone. With that change in the arrangement, you are both placed facing each other in different rooms and with distance in between.

Since none of you seemed able to fall asleep that night, you better keep chatting, each of you resting your back against the wall, relaxing, and him crossing his arms behind his head.

—So you are besties with Sam?

—Yes, she was one of the first people I met when I arrived in Belgium —you answer and look out of your bedroom's massive floor-to-ceiling window to the beautiful sea and the tiny-looking lights of Monaco. He stays silent, waiting for you to continue.

—So, how was growing up here? —You ask him and were sincerely curious but also want to switch the subject of conversation from you to him.

He tells many anecdotes of his childhood and buzz about some of the high society Monegasque families. He seems to enjoy gossip, and you are here for it.

Until you feel your eyes shutting down and fall asleep with the sound of his voice.

-

Two weeks later, Charles was still staying at your place; there was no furniture yet, however. By the third week, you arrive home, and all of Charles' things are filling the space. He moved "his bed" to one of the guest bedrooms and packed the living room with boxes. His piano starts serving you two at your dining "table." You always ate there, sitting, standing, taking turns: breakfast, Charles, lunch, you, etc.

He is just one box away from officially becoming your roommate. Of course, you don't mind. After many years of feeling alone, you desperately needed a friend and its company.

Charles' wireless speaker is the most significant addition to the apartment; it was never turned off, both of you being obsessive music maniacs, constantly introducing new music and artists to each other.

It is your turn to pick a song, and you want to lift the spirits while unpacking boxes and arranging things, so you turn the volume all up and hit play. Bad Bunny's "Yo perreo sola" started blasting.

You start singing and dancing to the beat, shaking it, and then Charles joins you in the chorus, singing the lyrics perfectly and throwing some great dance moves. You two start twerking.

—You know this song? Wait, you speak Spanish?! —you ask loudly, almost screaming. The music is so loud.

—My mom is Colombian. Didn't I mention that? My dad is the Monegasque one. I know my reggaeton and merengues by heart —he screams back. —I know all the good clubs in the city with this type of music, we should go and dance our asses off.

—Oh, for sure we are!

Another level of friendship is unlocked.

-

The three of you are inseparable. It is the weekend, and Charles took you and Sam on his boat sailing to an excellent spot to take a swim. Coronas, good music, sun, and fresh water fill your day.

You came up with a competition to see who jumped out of the boat the funniest way because you three were dumb. Charles wins by jumping and agitating his arms and legs like an old cartoon falling or very Gaga at the Super Bowl. Your stomach hurts from laughing, and your face from smiling.

After that, you all lay flat on your stomachs like iguanas under the sun, getting tan atop the boat; you don't remember a day nearby when you felt so happy. You felt at home with those two by your side.

-

It was around 4 a.m. and pitch black when Charles was suddenly awakened by sorrowful sounds coming from your bedroom.

He rushes and quickly opens the door, not caring to knock. He finds you crying, curled in your bed; you look like a total mess with red eyes, messy hair, and softly shaking, and Charles reacts like a headless chicken, pacing frantically around the room before getting to his senses and starting supporting a very troubled you.

—I got an idea that could help you feel better! —he tells you.

—Yeah?

—You trust me?

You nod.

—Let's go! —he offers you his hand and leads you out.

You take the lift to the basement parking lot, where Charles' Ferrari is all poorly and crocked parked outside lines of your apartment's parking spaces - that man was a great driver but terrible at parking - next to it is his powerful Ducati Panigale black motorbike is waiting for you.

Soon, you two are on his bike, crossing the streets of Monaco at full speed. Getting further away from the city and into the road. You tightly wrap your arms around him as he tells you you are entering the highway, and he begins to speed, pushing the bike's engine.

You could feel the fresh nightly ocean breeze hitting your body and entering your pores, every time more violently as you moved and Charles kept speeding up. You could see the full moon reflecting on the ocean waters. It was a clear night, with no stars in sight.

You love the rush and adrenaline of this speed ride. Charles speeds even more, and you hear the violent roar of the motor, the bike reaching its maximum. Then, in that brief moment, you get why all drivers are passionate about F1. Now you get it. Your sad tears become happy ones. You have never experienced something like this before, and it makes you feel so alive. The air feels so cold and harsh at the speed you are going that you almost feel it cutting your skin. It is a sensational feeling.

Charles then starts to slow down till he parks the bike and turns the engine off, helping you get on your feet, and you two lay on the grass after arriving at the destination.

—What a view! —you let out. The two of you are far away from the city, and you can see Monaco at the distance from the cliff you are on top of.

—This is my secret spot. I have been coming here since I was young when I felt I needed to clear my mind or wanted to escape everything. This view humbles you and calms you down at the same time —Charles confesses.

—Thanks for sharing it with me —you say to him, extremely grateful.

—It's the least I can do.

You can hear the waves hitting the cliff rock below you, and you admire the infinite ocean in front of you. The two of you sat there for a long time.

—Whenever you feel ready to talk about it. To open up about your past, who you are, or why you cried tonight, I will be here to listen —Charles offers you, breaking the comfortable silence. He is a kind and sweet person, a good person. And you aren't used to that.

He places his hand on top of yours just briefly, and you feel so happy to have a friend, to have him, no love feelings, no desire in between, just genuine friendship and honest support. 

He deserves the truth, and you want to let him know, but you are afraid of the repercussions. You don't want to get judged or, worse, to lose him.

-

Charles has been paying attention to you these past weeks and has noticed how you avoid or change subjects whenever your past or private life gets mentioned.

Every day that passes, he gets to know you more. It is just a matter of time before the truth comes out.

To be continued... < Previous chapter | Masterlist | Next chapter >

[newsatsix1986]

Helen Norville, Tim Ahern and Dale Jennings, tearing up the streets of Darwin! ❤️

.

.

The settings of A White Marquis Matinee Jacket were visually gorgeous. The streetscapes of suburbia, old school motels and glimmering pools, the sprawling dusty outside of Berrimah Prison, and also the stunning clearing in which Helen and Dale had their date in.

But did you know that this part of the episode wasn’t filmed in Darwin itself? Filmed around March 2021, The Newsreader’s makers found themselves a victim of the state border closures of the COVID pandemic. Northern Territory had closed their borders to Victoria, meaning the makers had to source a local state alternative to bring 1986 Darwin to life. Frustratingly, they had flights to Darwin booked already, and Anna Torv had even booked a crocodile cruise for the cast and crew; revealed in a 2021 episode of the TV Reload podcast.

It’s then that they settled on Mildura; a city in northwestern Victoria. As an ABC article stated, its tranquil, oasis-like streets proved the perfect location to transform into Australia’s northernmost capital city, and so the creative crews had a lot to play with. It was more deserty than tropical, so any place with a palm tree was used, and the film makers were so careful in framing shots.

The good people of Mildura also proved to be very useful. Not only did they provide their homes, businesses and vintage cars to dress the set, a whole group of locals were also employed as extras (with exception of Michael himself), playing members of the press crew that are in the background of our scenes with Helen, Dale, Tim and Ross. Reading the article aforementioned, they were so proud to play a part in making the show.

Let’s all take a moment to admire these shots taken by the ABC and Michael Lucas’ husband Adrian Chiarella, and to say a big thank you to the good people and places of Mildura for bringing this wonderful episode to life! We would not have had A White Marquis Matinee Jacket without them! ❤️🌞🎥🕶

Information Sources:

[almost-born-in-1893]

Hi I thought I would send you an ask to get to know you! 😊

Please tell me what is winter like in Germany? Does it snow much where you live? What do you do for Christmas? It's really hot in Australia and I love to hear about colder places!

Thanks so much for asking that's such a good question! 💙

Edit for readability: I'll break my long text down into chapters

German winter weather

I live in the North West of Germany where it sadly doesn't snow all that much during winter. Usually it just gets a bit cold (about -5 to 5 degrees Celsius) and very muddy, grey and rainy. We almost never have a white Christmas. If it snows at all it's more around February or even March or April in some cases. It didn't always use to be like that though. I'm thirty now but when I think back to my childhood there was a lot more snow a lot earlier in the year. The sad effects of climate change...

If you live in southern Germany though like Bavaria for example or anything close to the Alps you get a lot more luck with snow. They have a lot more and a lot earlier too.

German cities dress up for Christmas

I still enjoy the time around Christmas immensely though. I love cold sweater weather and snuggling up with a hot beverage on a rainy day and I get giddy when I see the Christmas decoration and lights appear everywhere. The cities usually have lights hung up over the streets and decorated christmas trees lining them.

Christmas markets and mulled wine

And then of course we have the Christmas markets where you can buy decorations and all sorts of yummy sweets and market foods and most importantly "Glühwein" (or mulled wine in English)! Mulled wine is the perfect winter drink it really warmes you up and it's sweet and spiced and just tastes of Christmas.

Advent calenders and "Adventskranz"

Other than going to the Christmas market for a mulled wine we have some other traditions to make the December extra special: I think advent calenders aren't unique to Germany, right? But it's a big part here. Many like to make them themselves and give them to there loved ones.

Then we have the "Adventskranz". It's a wreath usually decorated with twigs and branches from pine or fir trees and typical Christmas decorations like bows, little ornaments, dried oranges and cinnamon sticks. You put four candles on them and then you light one of them every Sunday leading up to Christmas. So on the Sunday that's four weekends away from Christmas you are only allowed to light one of the candles, then the Sunday that's three weekends away from Christmas you light the previous one and one extra and so on until all four are allowed to be lit. Then you know it's basically Christmas. So I guess it's a very slow and convoluted way of counting down to Christmas lol. But it looks very pretty.

Nikolaus

We also celebrate "Nikolaus". That's usually mostly for kids though. It's like a mini Christmas before Christmas. On the evening of December 5th children are expected to clean their shoes and put them outside their bedroom door. Then, if they were good and cleaned their shoes properly they find some sweets stuffed inside them the next morning. If they weren't well behaved or didn't clean their shoes they traditionally find coal or twigs in their shoes, but I don't think anyone does that anymore.

Christmas Eve and Christmas Day

And then for Christmas itsself every family usually has their own traditions. Germans don't celebrate on the morning 25th, but on the evening of the 24th. That usually includes having a fancy big dinner and then gathering together under the Christmas tree (which might be decorated on that day or some days before depending on the family traditions) and opening the presents. Some families go to church beforehand, some go to other events like Christmas concerts - it really depends heavily on the family. Some like to go out after the "Bescherung" (that's what we call the event of opening the presents) and go to a pub. I don't think that's in the Christmas spirit. I like to just be with family on that evening.

The 25th and 26th are always holidays. Not many people work there. They are usually for hanging out with loved ones, playing with the toys you got on the 24th, visiting extended family and going out for fancy dinners - that sort of thing.

And that's my essay on Christmas time in Germany. Thanks for reading it. I hope it wasn't too much. I just love this time of year and all the little things we do to make it special. There's so much more I could write, but that would indeed be too much.

[the-autistic-agoraphobe]

My mum and I went to Maccas which is what we call McDonald's here in Australia. I felt like I needed to have a good stim as Maccas was being noisy and I was recovering from a mini panic attack that I had 20 minutes prior at the op shop.

Video Description:

I am sitting in Maccas. I am a white woman in my late 20s. I have dark brown hair that is tied up in a bun with a fringe. I am wearing a flower crown that is made up of pink roses. I am wearing frog earrings and a dark blue dress with koalas and native Australian flowers and leaves on it. I am wearing a green lanyard with sunflowers on it. There is a caption that says "POV: your Autistic and Maccas is noisy so you partake in some McStimming." I am moving my hands alot to sooth myself. End Description.

[fashinistagirlunit4]

diversity on the catwalk

fashion creatives are embracing inclusivity and body positivity, exploring themes such as size, gender, age, race, and disability.

Precious Lee, Ashley Graham, Paloma Elsesser

The fashion industry is constantly improving and evolving, we are starting to see more culture and diversity through ought each season.

In July 2020, Gucci launched its new genderless shopping category on its website called ‘Gucci MX’ using only gender neutral models to showcase the pieces.

Brands such as Simone Rocha, Rachel Comey and Vivienna Westwood are starting to include many more older models to showcase their work this is making the fashion world more diverse and as the seasons go on their seems to be more inclusivity each time.

AlexandraKutas

Hailing from Ukraine, Alexandra Kutas claimed the title of the world’s first runway model in a wheelchair as well as Ukraine’s first fashion model with a disability. Alexandra modelled on the runway during Ukraine Fashion Week in 2015 and a couple of months later unveiled a photography exhibition called “Break Your Chains” alongside photographer Andrei Sarymsakov in an effort to break down society’s stereotypes and negative perceptions of people with disabilities.

Kelly Knox for Grazia 2018

Greater diversity within the fashion community opened up a space to celebrate all beauty and gave a platform for people with disabilities to be more visible. As a result we are seeing more people with disabilities making appearances on runways, on the cover of magazines, in fashion ads and beauty campaigns.

Jean Paul Gaultier haute couture spring/summer 1998

among the roster of major designers Jean Paul Gaultier is notable for his concerted adoption and celebration of queer aesthetics from placing men in skirts in 1985 to repeatedly drawing on the homoerotic motif of the Genet-esque muscly. Over the years he has had many collaborations and with friend and muse Tanel Bedrossiantz to various striking ends. In his spring summer 1998 Age of Enlightenment influenced couture show, Bedrossiantz apps rated in a tightly corseted ruffled gown over a white shirt and tie an image so iconic it was included in the catalogue for vogues 2019 camp.

Somali-American model, Halima Aden 2017

Halim Aden was the first Muslim woman to wear a hijab on the international high fashion catwalk at the Max Mara show held in Milan on 23rd February 2017.

Madeline Stuart is a 20-year-old model with Down syndrome from Brisbane, Australia. Madeline has walked in Art Hearts Fashion Week, Mercedes Benz Fashion Week China, Style Fashion Week, Melange Fashion Week, Runway Dubai, Sunshine Coast Fashion Festival, and Birmingham Fashion Week. She has appeared in Vogue, Teen Vogue, Cosmopolitan, Woman’s Day, Women’s Weekly, Elle, New York Times, People, Marie Claire, Huffington Post, and many more. She was also named Model of the Year in 2016.

Nina Marker famous model with autism

Nina Marker was scouted at a McDonald’s in 2014 and was quickly snatched up by Elite Model Management. She has walked the runway for Chanel, Dior, Alexander McQueen, Stella McCartney, Valentino, Givenchy, Fendi, and Versace, among many others. Nina is an advocate for the Autistic community, as she herself has Asperger’s. She has talked openly about being treated differently when she was young and the depression she experienced following that; she is passionate about creating awareness for Autism and wants to show people that Autistic people can do anything they want to do.

Harvard Referencing:

Shutterstock (2020). Unforgettable Photographic Moments: 2020’s ‘Big Four’ Fashion Weeks. [online] The Shutterstock Blog. Available at: https://www.shutterstock.com/blog/big-four-fashion-weeks [Accessed 28 May 2023].

Mcloughlin, L. (2017). Ashley Graham shows off curvy figure in clinging latex mini dress. [online] Mail Online. Available at: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-4871728/Ashley-Graham-shows-curvy-figure-latex-mini-dress.html [Accessed 28 May 2023].

Brain, E. (2020). Gucci Mx Line Explores Gender Fluidity Within Fashion. [online] HYPEBEAST. Available at: https://hypebeast.com/2020/7/gucci-mx-non-binary-gender-fluid-collection-fall-winter-2020-jackie-1961-bag-lookbook.

Tsui, D. (2019). Finally, Some Age Diversity on the Runway. [online] The Cut. Available at: https://www.thecut.com/2019/02/older-models-of-all-ages-were-on-the-runway-at-fashion-week.html.

Managment, M. (2018). | MiLK Model Management. [online] www.milkmanagement.co.uk. Available at: https://www.milkmanagement.co.uk/women/women/1152-kelly-knox/ [Accessed 28 May 2023].

The Photo Studio. (2018). 20 Disabled Models And How They Got Their Starts. [online] Available at: https://thephotostudio.com.au/all/modelling/20-disabled-models-and-how-they-got-their-starts/. [Accessed 7th June 2023]

Stuart , M. (2015). Madeline Stuart NYFW 1st catwalk appearance with my Jellyfish men. [online] www.youtube.com. Available at: https://youtu.be/n9PMB9y9xAc [Accessed 7 Jun. 2023].

‌

[vroooom2]

Happy Summer. In France, we celebrate the solstice with music everywhere.

This song was such a hit when I lived in London, and worked in a Luxury clothes store in Knightsbridge, near Harvey Nic and next to Harrod's, to pay for my studies in Fashion and Textile Design.

My manager always put it loud. Honestly, it's a very well produced song. The beats are cool.

The song launched Kylie's comeback in the music industry.

Kylie's white hooded gown in the music video, became a Fashion iconic piece, worn by all the UK tabloid celebrities: Posh spice aka Victoria Beckham. And still worn, as homage, by pop stars today.

[ilovelisasstuff]

Check out this listing I just added to my Poshmark closet: White Fox Boutique No compromise mini dress in Plum NWT - S.

[forsoulthelabel]

The Perfect Guide for Building Your Vacation Wardrobe

When you are planning a vacation, things will be pretty exciting. But you may feel confused about what to pack for it. You should create a proper vacation wardrobe that will help you stay comfortable and also look stylish at all times. If you are perplexed about this challenge, check out this list of versatile womens vacation wear we created. This will help you create a versatile vacation wardrobe that will make you look beautiful at all times during your vacation. Linen Midi Dress

A linen midi dress would be suitable for vacation, as you will feel quite comfortable in it. The flowy silhouette can be quite flattering for all body types and will help you move freely. You can go for some beautiful prints and patterns and style them with your jewellery and accessories according to where you are headed. During the daytime, you can pair holiday dresses Australia with comfortable sandals, and at night, heels will be perfect. Off Shoulder Top

If you want to add some romance to your vacation wardrobe, you can invest in an off-shoulder top. When you pair it with white linen pants, shorts, or a maxi skirt, it will indeed look stunning and will act as a flirty element in your look. Just add a hat to your look, and you will be good to go. Maxi Skirt

What’s a vacation wardrobe without a maxi skirt? A maxi skirt would be a fabulous bohemian piece to add to your vacation wardrobe, as it will have the versatility to look great at all times. Just pick a lightweight fabric and pair it up with a tank top during the day or with a blouse and some statement jewellery at night.

White Shorts White shorts are a must-have when you are packing for your upcoming vacation. They look crisp and clean and are also quite versatile. You can pair them with a simple T-shirt or can also go for a printed blouse. Just wear your sunglasses and carry a casual tote to make the outfit look exceptional. Apart from this, there are several other pieces that you must include in your vacation wardrobe, such as white linen pants, mini beach dresses, printed blouses, smock dresses, and much more. Just ensure you get your dresses from the right website that understands comfort and creates the perfect pieces for vacations. To shop for vacation outfits, visit https://forsoulthelabel.com/

Original Source: https://bit.ly/3G7EDr3

[valeriacastro08]

Check out this listing I just added to my Poshmark closet: COPY - New MP|C Asymmetrical Dress in Off White & Black.

[itsnevergaywithsocks]

With the new movie, Avatar, Way of Water, recently being released, there is something I want to address.

No one that I know of is really talking about this, but it needs to be said. White people, I don’t give a flying fuck what you think, the very idea of ‘na’vi kin’ is racist as fuck. Full stop. I don’t give a rats ass if you feel you were a dragon or a faerie in past life, none of my business. But you don’t get to touch the Na’vi. They were explicitly based on real world indigenous peoples in an attempt to dumb colonialism down to level where colonizers could understand it.

Na’vi cultures, philosophies, modes of dress, spirituality, are all based off of indigenous cultures of Mikinaak Minis, Abya Ayala, Australia, Polynesia, and Africa. Whatever the fuck you think, this is not a thing you, as a colonizer, get to fuck with.

The amount of cultural appropriation and insensitivity around this bullshit is getting tiresome. If you are a white person living in a colonized place or a place benefiting white people as a result of white colonialism and are appropriating these aesthetics and ideas because you ‘feel a connection’, then you are the fucking problem. You are not Na’vi. You are a plastic shaman, a nasty ass pretendian, and a weird colonizer living out their ‘savage’ fantasy. For some reason, you feel entitled to indigenous cultures because it appeals to you.

Behaving like this makes you the problem. You are an active participant in colonialism. You are disregarding the real world peoples this franchise profits off of. And I’ll bet my ass you haven’t reckoned with your settler/white privilege or done anything to materially help real indigenous peoples who are suffering as badly as these blue people you love so much. You are appropriating indigenous cultures and identities because it makes you feel special. Stop. You think you feel a connection to this, but you are just another colonizer swooping in and profiting from indigeneity while benefitting from indigenous oppression. Somehow, dispute your obsession with the Na’vi, you managed to fucking misunderstanding the basic narrative that the film was trying to tell (however badly that narrative was mismanaged). You, as a white person, have no right to these things. Hands off.

[apricitystudies]

what i read in april 2021 (pt. 2):

(previous editions) bold = favourite

class & race

‘pervasive racism’ blamed for failure to commemorate black and asian troops (uk)

low-skill workers aren’t a problem to be fixed

‘your government makes us go’: the hidden history of chinese australian women at a time of anti-asian immigration laws

the invention of whiteness: the long history of a dangerous idea

compliance will not save me (usa)

gender & sexuality

what’s wrong with being a single woman? (singapore)

why japan can't shake sexism

queer in the country: why some lgbtq americans prefer rural life to urban ‘gayborhoods’

kyrgyzstan: fury over death of 'bride kidnapping' victim

the big read: gender equality in singapore remains elusive amid entrenched attitudes about women’s roles

politics, climate change, & covid

dressing for a hotter planet: in india, designers honour the natural sustainability of artisan crafts

rich countries must stop ‘vaccine apartheid’

what's it like in the best place to live during covid? (singapore)

“you can’t fight fire, you have to work with it” — in australia, these indigenous women are harnessing ancient knowledge to protect their land

poorest countries will suffer most from covid downturn, says un

culture & media

why spirited away is japan's greatest animated film

chinese cooking helps me connect with my mother — and helps me prepare to lose her

‘mini-museums’ tell stories of old-time shops in kampong glam (singapore)

what jane austen can teach us about resilience

how i escaped from cuba in 1969 in the wheel well of a jet

[f1united]

Secret - DR3 Imagine

Part 4 to Zoo!

Part 1     Part 2     Part 3

Daniel Ricciardo Imagine

Summary: You share your pregnancy with his family

This contains mentions of pregnancy so please do not read if this is something you may find triggering!

Ever since you and Daniel had taken the digital test, he hadn’t left your side. The confirmation that you were growing a mini Ricciardo inside of you made him smile more than he ever had before, something that you thought was borderline impossible. He had booked a trip for the two of you to spend some time together before he was thrown back into the busy f1 season. It was as though you had just met for the first time, staying up late talking and not being able to keeps your hands off each other wherever you went. When you’d flown back to Australia nothing changed and you felt yourself falling in love with him all over again.

Daniel laid beside you in bed, one arm around your shoulders and the other holding up the precious scan photo of your little baby that had been taken yesterday. Ever since you’d been given it neither one of you could seem to stop looking at it in complete awe. Truth be told there wasn’t too much to see, you weren’t too far along but that didn’t seem to matter.

“Have you thought about how to tell your family today?” you asked, diverting you eyes from the picture to his. Today was the last day Daniel would see his family before you both headed back to Europe to finish preparing for the first race in just two weeks’ time. The annual barbeque had become a tradition and was always a lovely way to say goodbye.

You hadn’t told anyone about your pregnancy yet. You were somewhat scared that if people knew your little secret it would burst this bubble that the two of you had found yourself in. However, you knew that he probably wanted to tell his parents in person, and it was uncertain the next time that would be.

“Not really I just think I’ll know when the times right, they’re going to be so excited” you knew he was right. They would be so excited, and you didn’t have to even doubt for a second that they wouldn’t support the both of you.

“We should probably get up, they’ll be here soon” you didn’t want to move, you could’ve laid like this forever, but you did need to get ready and start the food prep. You slowly lifted yourself up, placing a kiss on Daniel’s forehead as he unwrapped himself from you. It wasn’t until you were on your feet that you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and let out a small gasp.

“Daniel look” his eyes snapped towards you and watched intently as you carefully touched the small bump. You hadn’t started showing much and you were sure that this was just being you hadn’t been to the toilet yet this morning but none the less it all started to feel a bit more real.

“Oh my god” Daniel climbed out of bed and stood behind you, placing his arms and hands over yours to hold the little baby too.

“I suppose I should go and pick out a floaty dress for the day” you smiled. It didn’t take long for everyone to arrive. You had let them all in while Daniel stayed in the garden with his barbeque and his beer. They never came empty handed and you gave them a hand carrying the food through to the dining table outside. His nephew was the first one to greet Daniel, shortly followed by everyone else.

“What does everyone want to drink?” you asked as everyone began to sit down. You figured this way you could pour yourself a soft drink without anyone noticing you weren’t on the alcohol too.

“Another one of these please” Daniel waved his beer can towards you and you nodded in acknowledgement.

“I’ll have a glass of white wine if you’ve got one please” His mum asked, shortly followed with an agreement of his sister while her husband followed suit.

You turned your attention towards his dad.

“I’ll come in and give you a hand” he replied to which you gratefully accepted.

“Isaac what about you?”

“What have you got” he asked as he ran around the garden.

“Oooooo where do I start, fizzy drinks, fruit shoots”

“Why don’t you go with Auntie Y/N and have a look” His mum suggested to which he nodded his head and ran towards the kitchen while you and Joe followed behind.

You opened the fridge stacked with drinks as Isaac held his hands up for up to lift him up. You placed him on your hip as you went through the different options with him until he decided on some lemonade.

“Now can I trust you to give Uncle Daniel his beer without drinking it before you get there?” you asked. “And then I’ll bring out your drink with mine?” The little boy nodded furiously as you handed him the can and put him down on the floor before watching him run off. You grabbed the lemonade and wine from the fridge and placed it next to the glasses Joe had just got out the cupboard. You felt your chest get warm at the site of Isaac passing Daniel the beer and giving him a hug in response.

“How have you been” Joe asked, snapping you out of your little daydream.

“Good actually” you replied, “Really good”.

“I can tell” he laughed slightly at how smiley you were. “I take it you won’t be having one of these” he nodded towards the wine he has cracked open and started distributing between the glasses. Your evident shock made him laugh once more. “Don’t worry, I got you a wine glass for your lemonade, no one needs to know” he gave you a small wink.

“Is it really that obvious?” You asked him as you finished pouring yours and Isaacs drinks.

“Not at all you just have this unmistakable pregnancy glow, Grace had the same thing when she was pregnant with Daniel. I don’t think anyone else has picked up on it” you breathed a sigh of relief at his honesty.

“We were planning on telling you all today” you admitted

“I knew as soon as he sent us those pictures of you away on holiday, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so happy. Grace insisted you’d secretly got engaged or eloped” you couldn’t help but laugh at his comment. You were so grateful for the relationship you had with Joe, and so was Daniel.

“I hadn’t even thought about that if I’m honest. We had the first scan yesterday” You pulled open the drawer to the left of you and placed it on the side. You knew you would have needed it close by to show the others at some point this afternoon, you just didn’t realise it would be so soon. His eyes filled up with tears slightly as he brought you in for a hug.

“Oh Y/N, I’m so happy for the both of you”

“I can’t wait to see him become a dad” you admitted as you buried your head in his shoulder in an attempt to reduce the tears.

“What am I missing out on here?” Daniel voice shocked the both of you as you let go of Joe and looked at the Australian walking through the kitchen towards you.

“We were just talking about how great of a dad you’re going to be” Joe smiled at his son as Daniel looked between the two of you slightly confused. “Oh come on she didn’t tell me I can just tell, I don’t know how your mother can’t. It just takes one look at the two of you to know there’s something going on. Plus, the last few times we’ve seen you, you haven’t been able to keep your hands off her belly. Usually they’re on her arse”. You let out a laugh at his comment as he gave Daniel a hug.

“Now lets go and eat, Dan can you carry some of these out?” Joe asked as you watched Dan slide the scan photo into his back pocket.

It wasn’t long before you all tucked into the food and spent the afternoon chatting about old memories and making new ones. A badminton tournament had broken out at one point, then Isaac had decided he wanted to go swimming so hopped into he pool with Daniel for a while.

It wasn’t until the sun started to set that you remembered you had dessert in the fridge.

“Ill come and grab them with you” Daniel stated as he got up from the table and held your hand as you both walked into the kitchen. The second you were out of sight from the others he pulled you in for a kiss. You giggled slightly at the taste of beer on his lips.

“What was the for Ricciardo?” you asked him as he hugged you tightly.

“What I’m not allowed to kiss my girlfriend anymore? The mother of my child?”

“Keep your voice down” you reminded him as he trailed a few kisses down your neck and collar bone. “Seriously what had gotten into you?” You giggled as he looked up to meet your eye, you could see the tipsiness dancing around them. “Your mum brought over some champagne for a toast to you leaving, I was thinking we could open it with dessert and tell them then?” Daniel nodded in front of you, almost immediately appearing to have sobered up as he planted his hands on your belly.

“I love you so much” he told you as he rested his forehead against yours.

“I love you more” you told him as you shared a kiss once more.

Joe began to fill up the champagne glasses once you’d both returned to the table as you began to cut everyone a slice of the cake you’d brought and it wasn’t long until Grace stood up with her glass in hand.

“I just wanted to raise a toast, to appreciating the time we’ve had with Daniel and to wish him all the best in the new season” Before everyone could cheers, Daniel stood up to and you felt your body become nervous with excitement as he held onto your hand tightly.

“Before we leave we just wanted to say how much we’re going to miss you so we have a picture that we want you to keep while we’re away” Daniel dug into his pocket and handed the image to Isaac first who was sat next to you.

“What is it?” he asked. You point at the small shape in the middle of the image.

“That right there is a picture of Baby Ricciardo” you moved your hands to your stomach and rubbed it slightly. “Who right now is sat in here” Gasps were heard all around the table as Isaac passed the picture to his mum.

“So it’s your baby?” He asked

“Mine and Daniel’s yes, it’s your little cousin” you told him.

“Oh my!” you looked over to Grace who was making her way towards you both with her arms wide open as you got up from your chair to embrace her.

“I’m going to be a nanny again” she cried as the rest of the table got up to congratulate you. “Joe get up your sons going to be a dad”

“Oh I know, she’s been on the lemonade all day” He chuckled. After the evening had come to an end and everyone had said their goodbyes you climbed into bed with Daniel and you both just smiled at one another as you realised that nothing was going to stop the love you both shared and that your baby might just be the most loved person in the entire world.

[fatiguing-thoughts]

Traveling With The Pack - Preference

Request: “What type of travelers are they (separately)? Do they over/under pack? Do they sight see or spend the day relaxing on the beach eating food? What type of holidays do they go on with the reader (like Paris or an adventure holiday?)”

Jacob Jacob loves to simply just get away. It doesn’t really matter where it is as long as you guys are spending time together. I think that he values a more adventurous, experience filled holiday. He’ll probably take you white water rafting and likes to show you the fun things in life. He doesn’t enjoy traveling to just sit around and do what you guys do at home, he wants to try some new things with you. He’s back and forth between the idea of shark diving or not with you, just anything crazy and adventurous. He packs as little as he possibly can, it’s more stuff to worry about for him. 

Seth Seth is quite the romantic, I imagine he loves the idea of taking you to Paris or London. That’s his favorite place to bring you. He loves all the sights the cities have to offer and how beautiful you look in the city lights reflecting in your eyes as you stare at them in awe. Seth absolutely adores doing all the cheesy, romantic typical Paris date nights. He kisses you at the top of the Eifel Tower. He kisses you in the London Eye, he brings you to Big Ben. His packing skills are similar to Leah’s, meaning that he usually does pretty well.  

Leah Leah loves art, so she loves to visit any museum you guys can get to. More so than that, she loves architecture and loves to visit old castles and cathedrals. Romania is one of her top spots. There’s so much to see and explore. You guys often will dress up, long flowy dresses, picnics on the grounds, and mini photoshoots of one another. Admiring all the beauty surrounding you is quite romantic, appreciating the company of one another, appreciating the peace you have in each other’s presence. A lot of the trip is very relaxing, reading books and cuddling under the sheets after. You guys will even make art together inspired by the places you’ve seen. Leah’s a good packer, she packs just enough. 

Embry Embry is really fond of going anywhere intimate with you. In particular, he really enjoyed bringing you to Norway. Back home, you guys stargaze routinely, but northern Norway blows your typical sky out of the water. You sit and watch as the aurora borealis invades your vision. You both find it incredibly interesting how their sky is so intense depending on the month of the year. You spend a lot of time relaxing, enjoying the company of one another. You do some adventuring, but overall you and Embry just enjoy a peaceful trip. He’s a light packer, for sure. 

Quil Quil takes you places that don’t even think of when you first think vacation. He’s always up for the element of surprise. South Korea and Iceland have so far been his favorites. Quil always overpacks, and it’s so no surprise. He makes sure he has everything ready to go. The reason he loves going places like these is that he knows it’s something you wouldn’t have originally thought of-- he doesn’t want to take you somewhere you’d expect. They’re both so incredible, beautiful views and endless nature to surround yourselves in-- trying and seeing new things you can’t do back at home. 

Paul Paul loves going to tropical, beachy places with you. He enjoys the change of scenery from the rainy coast of Washington. He really enjoyed bringing you to the Whitsunday Islands, off the coast of Queensland, Australia. He loves exploring the ocean with you, enjoying the sun and that you’re finally walking around in a bathing suit. It’s so beautiful there and you both overall explore the islands, enjoying everything you can. Overall, it’s a pretty relaxed trip, Paul needs to wind down sometimes and what better way than with you? He absolutely forgets to pack half of his stuff, but luckily enough you expect this and pack the rest for him. 

Jared Jared simply loves having fun with you more than anything. You know damn well he loves going to Disney with you. It’s the “happiest place on Earth”, and Jared loves it, more importantly he loves having you by his side there. He definitely underpacks for himself because he’s so worried about you having everything that you need. You’re beyond overpacked, but he totally forgot underwear. You have to go shopping as soon as you land for everything he forgot for himself, thank god he packed 500 bandaids for you, though.

  Sam Sam is definitely an overpacker. He always makes sure there is enough of everything just in case of any scenario that will never actually happen. His vacation of choice is surprisingly Hawaii. He enjoys the peace and quiet while you’re there, enjoying the sun and good times. You mostly relax, do some well needed swimming and exploration of the beautiful environment. You even get to tour some volcanoes, admiring the massive structures. You admire the beautiful sky at night, cuddling under the sky on your blankets. 

[dreamescapeswriting]

Caught In The Act ~ JJK [M] [Request]

↬↬↬Word Count: 2.4K

↬↬↬Genre: Fluffy, soft smut, fluffy smut

↬↬↬Pairing: Jungkook x Fem!Reader

↬↬↬A/N: Hope this is okay for you love!!

When Bighit first invited you to go and surprise Jungkook you were surprised, over the years of you dating they'd never really expressed their approval of your relationship but they didn't exactly disapprove either but it was still a little shocking for them to come to you and ask you to go and see him. You and Jungkook had been together for five years and your relationship was out to everyone, mostly everyone adored you and accepted that you made Jungkook happy but, there were a select few who didn't like you which was understandable. You were dating Jungkook, someone they loved very dearly, you knew that they just wanted to make sure he was happy even if it meant not liking you.

Jungkook and the boys were filming another season of Bon Voyage in Australia and had another week left to celebrate instead of filming for Jungkook and Namjoon's birthday. BigHit knew you wanted to do something with Jungkook every year for his birthday but he was usually with them and kept busy. His manager was the one who came to you first with the idea, they were going to fly you out and put you up in a hotel room where they'd be sending Jungkook in.

"The boys will be up in about three hours, we have some final shots to do for the show and then he's all yours," Sejin said as he walked you up to the hotel room, he handed you the spare keycard and smiled at you. He'd always been the one to express his approval of the relationship, he'd helped you and Jungkook out when you had to date in secret thanks to the contracts that they had.

"Thank you," You bowed as he walked out of the hotel room door, you walked further inside and the place was like it's own mini apartment. There was a sofa in the main area, a minibar and a fridge. Then there was a bed behind the sofa and a small door leading into the en-suite. You pushed your suitcase into the wardrobe promising yourself to unpack it before you had a shower - you wanted to freshen up before Jungkook came upstairs and found you. None of the boys had any idea that you were there with them so it was going to be an extra surprise for everyone. You got along great with all of the boys, you had to after knowing them for five years you were the closest with Jin and Yoongi though as they seemed like older brothers to you the best.

Stepping into the bathroom the bright white lights on the ceiling came on automatically and lit up the entire bathroom, again it was about half of the size of the main room itself. There was a huge corner bathtub with jets, a walk-in shower - with jets and then the sink was composed of four marble-topped counters lined up in front of floor to ceiling mirrors. It was stunning and you'd never be able to afford this place in this lifetime or the next.  

"Whoa," You whispered as you walked past the toilet and the lid opened automatically, this place was like something from the future and you couldn't wait to get into the shower and use it. You'd been on a long flight and all you wanted to do was snuggle down in the sheets with Jungkook but tonight you had a meal in the Hotel restaurant with him, the boys and manager Sejin which you needed to start getting ready for. You rushed back into the hotel room and began unpacking everything into the wardrobe.

Jungkook groaned as he reached his floor, he was struggling to keep his eyes open due to the early morning he and the boys had had that day. They'd been driving back to the hotel for the last 5 hours, it had been fun but now he was exhausted and ready to get into bed. He wanted to get into bed, sleep away the next week so he could go home and get to you. He'd missed you and your shared apartment with your puppy - you'd gotten a dog from the boys when they heard you mention how you wanted a baby once. Deciding it would be better fitting for you to both get a dog instead of having kids just yet.

He swiped his card on the door and walked inside running his hands over his face as he dropped his stuff onto the floor,

"Hi, there baby, good day at work?" You asked casually from the bed, you were laying down watching TV when he came into the room.

"Yeah but I'm tired, I'm gonna have a shower and then go to sleep." He answered walking into the bathroom casually as if he knew that this was normal. You began counting on your fingers from the second the bathroom door closed until the second it shot back open and he came bounding over to you.

"You're here?!" He yelled wrapping his arms around you and looking at you,

"I am,"

"You're actually here?!" He yelled pulling away from the hug and putting your face in his hands, he began turning your head from side to side as if to make sure you were real and not some sleep deprivation hallucination he was seeing.

"yes Kookie, I'm here. Sejin flew me out," You giggled as he looked at you in the eyes, he smiled at you. He was no longer tired and aching form the drive, he was full of energy and began kissing you all over your face. He did this every time he came back from tour or filming. He'd kiss every inch of your face and not stop until you ended up pushing him away.

"Will you go and shower, we have dinner in an hour and I'm starving. I haven't had anything since the flight." You pushed him off the bed and he walked backwards into the bathroom, holding eye contact with you the entire time. He was terrified you were just going to somehow magically disappear from right in front of him.

"You big dork! Will you get ready?!" You threw a pillow in his direction but he pulled the bathroom door closed before it had a chance to come into contact with him. As annoying and dorky as he was you'd missed being able to spend every waking moment with him, being able to walk up to him and cuddle him whenever you wanted.

The whole thing was Jungkook's idea, he was going to go and sit down with the boys first and you were just supposed to walk up to the table and sit down like there was nothing wrong with it.

"Did you get me a drink yet baby?" You asked running your hand down Jungkook's chest before sitting down next to him and Taehyung who was staring at you like you'd grown a second head. You tapped his chin gently to make him close his mouth,

"Close your mouth sweetie, you're catching flies." You teased winking at him and taking the wine that was sitting in front of him. All of them stared at you as you casually sat there reading through the menu that was in front of you.

"What?" You giggled looking up at Jimin who was blinking at you and trying to think of something to say,

"Guys?" Jungkook chuckled looking at them as they stared at you, you smiled and waved your hand before telling Jungkook what you wanted to eat.

"When did you get here?" Jin questioned looking down at his menu, he'd been the only one not to gawk at you from across the table.

"Manager Sejin flew me over, I got here five hours ago." You smiled at him and he smiled back at you,

"Cake in my room later to celebrate his birthday?" You nodded, you knew that they held a VLive for his birthday every year so that he could spend time with the fans,

"I'll be the camerawoman." You told them, adding that you would only do it if you got a bigger slice of cake instead of Jungkook.

"Mmm Kookie, we can't." You whined out as he kissed down your neck, you'd gone back up to your hotel room to change out of the dress you were wearing and he attached himself onto your neck like an octopus. Sucking and leaving bright marks all over your skin as you tried to get changed into some sweatpants and a t-shirt,

"I've missed you, I can't help it." He moaned out to you, you'd be lying if you said you hadn't missed him too but you were expected downstairs in Jin's room in ten minutes.

"You have a vlive to attend." You whispered as he began kissing up your neck and to your lips once again, as soon as your lips connected you lost the battle you were fighting with yourself and you threw your arms around his neck letting him lead you over to the bed and lay you down.  

"I'll be quick, I've just missed you so much," He whispered to you as he pulled down his jeans, you hissed as you felt his cold hands come into contact with your thighs, he pulled down your panties and threw them somewhere in the room.

"I missed you too baby," You wiggled further onto the bed while he took off his jeans and came to join you.

"I love you," He told you as he kissed you once again, it was like it started a fire inside of you and you needed him badly,

"I love you too." You whispered as he pulled away from you, you'd been on the pill so there was no need to go hunting for condoms right now and ruin the moment. He looked down at you with lust in his eyes,

"Jungkook please, we don't have long." You begged him and he ran his hand up your leg and teased you with his fingers. You moaned out and he attached his lips onto yours smirking as he felt you growing wetter beneath him. Your hands reached to tug at his shirt and he hummed at you pulling away from the kiss to remove it. Within seconds you were both laying naked on the bed and making out, it was a slow and sensual makeout and you moaned as he ran his fingers over your folds again, there was no questioning if you were ready for him. You took your hand and licked it before slowly starting to pump him in your hand, he growled lowly moving his hips a little into your hand just to get it the way he liked.

He lined himself up at your entrance and glanced down at you asking for permission - as if he needed it. You told him he could take you anywhere and anytime he wanted but he always asked because he was a gentleman like that. He slowly pushed himself inside of you as he connected your lips, your back arched as you felt him hit your hilt.

"J-Jungkook," You moaned out as he held himself in place, it'd been a while since you'd last spent time like this together, he kissed you calmly while he waited for you to adjust to his size,

"M-move," You whispered looking up into his eyes telling him that it was okay for him to move now, he slowly pulled out of you before pushing back in and you moaned out as he began to pick up a little speed. Nothing too much as he wanted this to be special...ish - you were on a time limit right now.

"Aish Jagiya, you're so tight." He grunted as you clenched around him every time he hit your g-spot, you whined out over and over again with every thrust. You wrapped your legs around his waist to hold him closer to you and bring him deeper and he moaned out as he reached deeper parts of you.

Taehyung was reading through the comments while he waited for you and Jungkook to come up but you were taking too long,

"He's coming, he's just busy tonight and we're all really tired. Shall I go and get him?" He chuckled seeing everyone answering yes so he took the spare card and headed down to his room, being quiet in the hallways as he walked there. Whispering to Army as they asked him questions on the screen, he was trying to keep up with them all but the chat was insane just like it always was.

"We should knock, right?" But instead, he unlocked the door and headed inside without knocking or letting you both know he was entering the room, luckily the camera had been on him the entire time and you and Jungkook were so lost together that you hadn't noticed.

"He's in the shower, we should go wait back in my room." Taehyung walked back out of the room not turning around so that the camera could catch you both.

"S-Shit," You whimpered as you heard the door close, Jungkook's eyes widened in fear as he looked down at you and then over at the door. No one was there so he smirked at you resuming his slow thrusts into you, kissing you slowly as he felt himself getting closer to his release.

"I'm close Jungkook," You moaned out as he pulled away from the kiss, he nodded at you to let you know he was too.

"Me too baby." Your hands tangled into his hair and you cried out as he thrust deeply into you,

"J-Jungkook!" You whimpered as you came around him, your legs tightened around him and he grunted as he released into you.

"Ugh fuck baby," He moaned out holding himself still inside of you as he came down from his high.

When you headed up to Jin's room he was talking to the camera while Taehyung sat on the bed looking traumatised.

"The birthday boy!" Jin yelled out, you darted out of the way of the camera and went to sit next to Taehyung who was now turning a bright red colour the longer you looked at him.

"You okay?" You whispered and he avoided eye contact with you, Jin looked at you both and handed you the camera so he could stand with Jungkook and interview him. Jimin smirked at you from across the room and made a vow to start teasing you and Jungkook about it as soon as the cameras were off. 

Tagline: 

@writingdreamsnottragedies @snowy-meowl @jooniesdarlingdimples @lyoongx @fan-ati--c @mitzwinchester​ @callingmyangel​ @rjsmochii​ @kneel-begyourpardon​ @taestannie​

[transtryingtheirbest]

So here I am. On Tumblr again. I guess I should introduce myself. I've never been good at introducing myself but I can start with the relevant basics.

Hello, I'm A. I'm 28, I was assigned male at birth, and I grew up a boy and at some point became a man. Anyone who knows me knows this But something less people know is that I have spent a lot of those 28 years wishing I'd been born a girl.

For a while, in uni, I thought about starting a blog, much like this one, which would let me rant about secretly being a woman or trans or something like that. I don't know what I would have said, I don't know what I would want to say even. I still don't. I didn't ever make the blog because I felt like it was stupid and I wasn't really trans. I put it aside. Even if I was trans (and how could I be) I was a fat man. If I were to transition, I'd be a fat ugly woman, and that would be worse. I could live my life of privilege as a cis male (who is basically white even if that isnt strictly true) and I could be happy, or happy enough. I tried to put it out of my mind and kept this up through uni and into full time work after graduating.

As everyone knows, the novel coronavirus arrived in 2020 and messed everyone's life up. Fortunately, as an office working yuppie, the main effect of this was that I started working from home. I made a few non-committal statements to my girlfriend that I might try doing make up or wearing more femme clothing, and lockdowns made me grow out my hair but I didn't really do anything until about three months ago when bored and procrastinating from work, I pilfered a lipstick from her make up bag and put it on.

I looked good, I thought. Better than good. Such a small thing, a tiny insignificant change and I was examining myself in the mirror like a preening bird. I wasn't noticing my double chin or the bags under my eyes. I flopped my hair around until it sat more girlish and admired myself again. An ocean had been crossed. The step of colouring my lips a deep violet showed that I could be more than the limits I'd always assumed were there. Within a week I'd bought a set of supermarket make up brushes and a fun "mini power palette" of eyeshadows and a lipstick shade called "thirsty bae". Bright red. Subtlety is for suckers.

The great thing about being stuck in your home is that you can order things off the internet and sit around waiting for them to arrive. I scrolled through Shein, a fast fashion site which mass produces clothes in China and ships them worldwide with great haste. This probably means that Shein fills landfills in the developing world and fills the sky with aircraft exhaust fumes, but on the other hand it means that a nervous maybe-not-a-boy in Australia can get their girlfriend to measure them and then fill a cart with dresses and skirts and shirts of all kinds of shapes and styles, so who is to say if they're good or bad.

If putting on the lipstick opened the door, wearing the cutesy overall dress and white blouse pushed me through it. While I'd always wanted to be born a girl, I never felt like I had dysphoria about my body. I hated it, sure, but I hated the way fat clung to my face and my belly (and in an example of my vanity, despised the fat that built up there far more than the fat that chose to choke my liver), but I never despised my broad shoulders or my big feet or even my penis. But looking at myself in this cute outfit, I felt euphoric. Immediately I lost all interest in my entire male wardrobe. I shaved my entire body in the shower. Another Shein order was made within the week.

I found myself putting on makeup and skirts/dresses on every day. I turned off my webcam for work calls, patiently waited through morning scrums to apply mascara and eyeshadows and lipsticks safe from prying eyes. I started to get bold, I would take out the bins girlmode. Walk to the post box. Take the dog on walks. Eventually I was comfortable enough, or rather brave enough, to do the shopping in my dress. I scanned every face for disapproval or disgust but aside from a child who seemed more intrigued than anything, nobody paid me any notice. This was revolutionary. I definitely did not pass, and it didn't matter. People didn't tell at me or throw rocks or any of the many unrealistic scenarios I had dreamed up. So I did it again. And again.

This week, I told my brother and cousins that I was trans/non-binary. I'd asked internet friends to use they/them pronouns for me previously, and even gone over to a close friends house in femme mode, and the more people I told the more that I felt like my little attempts to transition actually amounted to something real. I tried to be nonchalant with my coming out but was showered with slightly bewildering support and joy from my brother and cousins. I had to sort of stop and think to myself why they were making such a big deal of it, before letting myself accept that this is a big deal. So here we are. I don't know where this gender journey will take me. I'm not certain if I'm an enby or genderfluid or a trans woman. But I know this.

I'm 28, I was assigned male at birth, and I've spent 28 years hiding that I'm not male. I'm not a boy and I'm not a man. I am trans. I am a transfemme person.

I am 28 years old and three months ago I put on lipstick and finally saw what I could be. What I should be and what I will be.

And I'm so fucking excited.