#Which I guess Sunshine technically is in a way but still

[meagancandraw]

i LOVE how you draw sun SMM 😭💗

TY!!!! I love drawing Sun a lot! I was gonna doodle smth cute and happy, but today's EAPS episode HURT, so have some Sun and Sunshine (aka EAPS!Sun) hurt/comfort instead

[waynes-multiverse]

Rehab – Epilogue

Series Summary: Thanks to Soldier Boy, the CIA was able to develop Project Bloom under the fierce leadership of Grace Mallory: a final cure to Compound V and a hopeful end to the supe epidemic three years after the explosive incident at Vought. A secret rehab facility in Upstate New York is supposed to help former heroes find their way back to humanity. The catch, though? Soldier Boy has never fucking agreed to any of this shit and is surely not happy about being powerless for the first time in his goddamn long life.

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x Female!Reader

Warnings: +18, language, some crack, a bit of fluff and angst, hard decisions, a lot of goodbyes & all the feels

Word Count: 4.5k

A/N: We're here, babes! End of the road! Thank you guys so much for everything. This was a wild ride, and I'm glad I had you in my passenger's seat 💚

Feedback is my fuel 🖤

<< Chapter 8 || Main Masterlist || Series Masterlist

Epilogue: twin flame

You’re gonna be nowhere The loneliest kind of lonely It may be rough goin’ Just to do your thing’s the hardest thing to do…

“Morning.” Y/N smiles brightly as he stirs and slowly wakes. “Wakey, wakey, sunshine.”

Blue eyes flutter open and fearfully widen, his brow scrunches in confusion as he looks around and scans his environment. He tries to wiggle free of the handcuffs around his wrists, keeping him tied to the metal bed frame.

Not that it matters – he can’t leave either way.

She turns off the radio with a blissful sigh. “You know, that was one of his favorite songs. Your father��s,” she clarifies. “He sang it all the time. It was fucking annoying.”

“Why the hell can’t I move? Get me the fuck out of here,” the man in a sky-blue hospital gown demands and lifts his head off the mattress, only a few inches, attempting to get up.

Needless to say, that attempt is futile and fails miserably.

“Don’t strain yourself, John, or you might shit the bed. And I ain’t cleaning that mess… You’ve been in a coma for three weeks,” Y/N tells him with an amused smile. “Oh, and you can’t move because you’re paralyzed from the waist down. I even doubt that meager dick’s still working.”

His nostrils flare and let out a huff. “It’s Homelander, you bitch. No one calls me by that name.”

“Yeah, not anymore.” Y/N twitches her shoulders in mock apology. Her mouth curves into a Machiavellian grin. “Scared yet?”

“Where the fuck am I?” he growls through gritted teeth, upset by her blatant disrespect.

“You’re at a rehab facility for former supes. I mean, it’s discontinued. Abandoned, really. It’s just you and me,” she replies flatly and then forces a customer-service smile to her lips. “So, guess I’ll be your nurse for the day. How are we doing, you–”

Her brow furrows as she tries to remember the exact words, pensively pursing her lips.

“Wait…” She holds up a finger to stop him from interrupting her as she fishes out a crumpled piece of paper from her jeans pocket. She squints her eyes in concentration as she skims over its content.

“Ah yes!” With a smile, she clears her throat and reads from her paper. “So, how are you doing, you bootlicking… carpet-munching… cockboy?”

Homelander frowns at the insults. Y/N does too, but for a different reason as she shakes her head.

“Jesus fucking Christ, your dad’s handwriting is an atrocity,” she mutters as she tilts her head with narrowed eyes at the paper in her hands.

The blond man’s eyes narrow in both shock and confusion. “How do you know my father?”

“Oh, uhm, I’m his wife,” Y/N says and smiles complacently. “Which technically makes me your step-mommy, but let’s not go there, you–… Wait.” She peeks once more at the paper in her hands. “You cumguzzling… cowfucking… cuck fluffer.” Her brow draws up, impressed. “Huh, nice. Little alliteration going on there. Guess all those books paid off…”

“Can we skip to the part where you tell me what the fuck you’re doing here?” Homelander snaps impatiently, annoyed with the shenanigans.

“Alright, your dad sent me here to, you know… gloat,” Y/N says simply and shrugs, flashing him an easy smile. “He wanted you to know that he’s the one that put you into this damn bed. Funnily enough, he once woke up in this very room, tied to a bed. Not in a kinky way, though. Although, he probably would’ve loved that…” She chuckles fondly. “This place really changed him, but I doubt it’ll do the same for you.”

“And why the fuck isn’t he here telling me this, huh?” John asks with a challenging look. “I didn’t reckon him for a fucking coward.”

Y/N’s facade cracks a little at his words, a vicious smile tugging at her lips. “Oh, he was not a coward. He was the bravest man I’ve ever known. He was and is a fucking hero and surely getting celebrated as one.”

Y/N leans back in her chair and grabs the remote from the bedside table, switching on the TV. A news report flickers across the screen. It’s a recording from a few weeks ago, but Homelander doesn’t know that. It shows a row of celebratory parades held all over the country. A statue of Soldier Boy is being erected next to the Statue of Liberty.

Homelander finally defeated. Soldier Boy dies a hero in fierce combat. America breathes a sigh of relief.

Homelander watches the news and reads the taglines as they scroll in front of his eyes. His mouth is agape in bewilderment before Y/N switches the television off again.

“Everyone loves him… and fucking hates you. Like spit-on-your-grave hate,” she summarizes and watches his face darken. She rises from her seat and smiles down at him. “Have a nice life chained to that bed till you rot to death, you dickfaced, inbred, garbage-eating fascist.”

With a wide smirk, she then leans down and whispers into his ear, “Those were my insults, by the way.”

“Well, he’s dead, and I’m fucking alive, which means I won,” Homelander snarls from the bed with a contrivedly triumphant sneer, rattling with his handcuffs. He’s close to an explosion, she can tell.

“Yeah, you’d be telling yourself that if it makes you feel better…”

With a roll of her eyes, Y/N turns her back. As she marches out of the room, Homelander’s furious screams of agony haunt the clinic’s empty hallways, but there is no one here to hear them anymore.

Project Bloom has been disbanded. There’s only a handful of CIA nurses left, tasked to take care of Homelander until his hopefully slow and painful death. If someone decides to hold a pillow over his head at any point, she supposes she wouldn’t be that mad about it either.

Homelander is history. Soldier Boy is dead. And Ben is at rest.

Finally, Y/N can leave this godforsaken place behind her.

Y/N slides into the driver’s seat of her Prius, her head falling back as she exhales a long, exhaustive breath and rubs her temples. That damn brat gave her a fucking migraine with his whiny bitching.

“Finally,” it huffs from the backseat. “Took you long enough. How the fuck did it go?”

Y/N blinks into the rearview mirror and catches a set of expectant green eyes. Her hand drops from her temples as she chuckles.

“Your handwriting is horrible,” she says as a response and pulls out the paper, pointing at a word. “What the hell is that one?”

Ben leans forward between the seats and squints his eyes. “Mmh, pube flosser,” he supplies and frowns. “You didn’t use that one?”

Y/N sighs. “I think he’s got the gist without it.”

“Yeah, but that was a good one,” Ben mumbles and sighs disappointedly. “Did you play him the song?”

“Yes, I did. I played him the song and did everything else you wanted me to do,” she confirms patiently. “You know, you’ve got a weird knack for torture.”

“Thank you. It’s a gift.” Ben blushes and adjusts his baseball cap. “Did you sell it properly? You know, acting is a skill. The most important thing is to–”

“Ben! For the love of God, shut up or I’ll run you over with my car,” Y/N snaps. If he gives her one more acting lesson, she swears she’ll turn herself a widow.

“Fine.” Ben scoffs and rolls his eyes back. “Did he fucking buy it?”

“Yup, he surely thinks you’re dead. Like the rest of the world,” Y/N says and shoots him a smile over her shoulder.

He matches it and scratches his shaved chin, letting himself fall back into the seat. “Good. So, we’re done, right?”

“Yeah, he was the last stop on our list,” she replies quietly, her smile mixing with sadness. “How’s the arm?”

“Good, good…” He nods, his head bobbing thoughtfully as he clutches the scar on his right bicep. “Healing nicely. Finally got a real war wound. Always wanted one.”

“Okay, then… Let’s go, I guess.” With a heavy swallow, Y/N turns the ignition and starts the car.

“You know, I’d really love to kiss you now,” Ben notes, heartache swinging in his voice, and finds her eyes in the rearview mirror.

Y/N bites down on her lip and nods. “Yeah, wouldn’t that be nice…”

Three weeks ago…

A guard gestures down the hallway to the restrooms, but as soon as Y/N rounds the corner and is out of sight, she takes a turn in the opposite direction.

The good thing about a super secret government facility that’s not supposed to exist is that it only comes with the necessary manpower. There’s no abundance of guards at every corner. It’s quiet and desolate.

Moreover, no one expects a silly and weak human to cause any trouble. It surely has its advantages to be constantly underestimated.

Y/N finds the lab she’s passed on their way in, where she spied a glass fridge with vials of different colors. It’s guarded, but only by one person. It’s sloppy, honestly.

A flirty ambush, a stab to the neck with a dull pocket knife, a stolen keycard, and she’s inside. She drags the body in, too, leaving no trace of her crime behind.

Her fingers rummage through differently labeled flasks. There’s plenty of blue and yellow, but not the poisonous green she’s looking for.

“C’mon, c’mon, c’mon…” she mutters to herself as she desperately searches every drawer, every goddamn cabinet of the laboratory.

Out of breath, she stops and grips her temples, shoulders slumping as her mind spins. She wants to curse and scream, but that would draw too much attention. She knows she’s running out of time. No one takes that long to fucking pee. Decisions have to be made quickly.

She grabs a blue vial.

Rolling down her sleeves, she walks nervously back into the control room. Neither Mallory nor Edgar pays her any mind. Everyone’s eyes are glued to Soldier Boy and Homelander. Father and son. It’s biblical.

It’s as if she isn’t even there.

Her veins twitch, her blood boils. It’s tingling in her fingertips.

“Little help would be fucking appreciated!” Ben yells as he wrangles with a defunct Homelander.

Stan Edgar’s smile. So vicious. So cold. So calculating.

She knows the air in the room is about to shift. Her hands ball into fists by her side, gather their energy.

He gives his command. She screams.

“No! That wasn’t the fucking deal!”

Edgar doesn’t even look at her fully. A sideways glance is all she’s worth. “Take her out, too.”

Mallory sees it first, her eyes widening when she realizes what’s going on. It’s too late to warn anyone, however, her cries for help unheard as the acid rots her throat.

Edgar and two guards are next, metal weapons melt and mix with a puddle of human soup on the ground. Then, she goes after the one that got away.

The third guard hurries inside the prison cell, but Y/N slips through the crack of the door before it slams shut. The first gunshot goes clean through Homelander’s spine, but the second is deterred and only strikes Ben’s arm as the guard bubbles to a pond, a hot spring in the concrete.

Ben clutches his bleeding wound with a hiss before his green eyes lock with hers. They widen, and it takes him a moment to make sense of it all.

“Y/N, what–”

He takes a step forward. She takes a step back.

“Don’t come near me,” she orders him with panic blinking in her eyes like a flashing alarm. Her chest rises and falls with every anxious breath.

He holds his palms up high, surrendering. “It’s okay.”

Ben carefully walks around her and steps over the bubbling human puddle on the floor. He peeks outside the door, purses his lips, and nods in impressed satisfaction.

“Those little blobs outside–”

Y/N bobs her head at his unfinished question. “Mallory and Edgar plus two guards,” she replies.

“Nice job.” He whistles lowly and shoots her a devilish grin, taking a step closer. “Gotta say, I’ve never been more turned on by you. I’m getting fucking hard.”

“Ben!” Y/N scolds and backs away from him until she’s pressed against the wall. “I told you, don’t touch me,” she warns him again.

Ben’s smile fades as he recognizes her fear. His features soften, the jokes disappear. “Hey, it’s alright. Twenty-four hours and you’ll be fine again. Just gotta get through it.”

Y/N shakes her head, tears welling in her eyes. Ben’s brow knits in confusion, his face stern.

“What-… Why are you shaking your head?”

A tear escapes and streaks her cheek. “It won’t go away in twenty-four hours,” she chokes out. “They were out of Temp V.”

Ben’s face drops at the realization. “No, no, no… Tell me you didn’t fucking do this!” he yells.

“They were going to kill you! What was I supposed to do?” Y/N explains tearfully.

“Die, Y/N! You were supposed to let me fucking die!” Ben’s jaw tightens as anger surges through his body.

“I didn’t let you die the first time! What made you think I would let you fucking die right now, huh?” Y/N cries through gritted teeth, her hands balling into fists. “Stop trying to kill yourself. You fucking promised me!”

Licking his lips, Ben swallows. He’s quiet, running a palm over his face while his mind races a mile a minute. “Okay… alright,” he says finally, his voice significantly calmer now. “Where did you get the Compound V from?”

“There’s a lab here,” she replies in the same calm manner.

“They got more?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” Ben nods and finds her eyes. “Show me.”

Y/N presses her lips into a thin line, shaking her head once more. “No.”

His anger returns, nostrils flaring as his brow creases. “What d’you mean no?”

She swallows thickly. “Look, if you really wanna do this, then I won’t stop you,” she says, a pleading glimmer haunting her eyes. “But you finally got a chance. You can live the normal, boring life. You can go on road trips, see Mount Rushmore… I know you want to.”

Ben swipes his tongue over his teeth and averts his gaze. He pinches the bridge of his freckled nose, and Y/N can see that she’s right.

“I’m not even sure if I want powers,” she continues after a pause. “But at least this time it was my choice. And I don’t regret it if it means I got to save you, okay?”

When Ben finally looks at her, it breaks her heart. “I don’t wanna be alone.”

Y/N gives him a sad smile. “I know… And you won’t be. I promise.”

Their attention is then temporarily drawn to a groan on the ground. Y/N’s brow furrows as she looks at Homelander’s body and notices his fingers twitching.

“Is he still alive?”

“Looks like it,” Ben replies. But as Y/N gets ready to take care of the problem, he stops her, holding out his flat palm. “Wait, wait, wait… Judging by the wound, he’s gonna be a fucking vegetable. It’s a waste of a kill.” He then grins mischievously at her. “I’ve got a better fucking idea. The other question is: how the fuck do we get outta this place… alive?”

Y/N’s mouth opens, but she doesn’t have an answer aside from a helpless shrug for him. This is as far as she has planned. Actually, she hasn’t planned any of this at all.

“I might be able to help with that,” a woman’s voice sounds behind her.

Y/N’s eyes widen as she recognizes the newcomer, her mouth parting anew in both surprise and shock. Ben, on the other hand, furrows his brow and glares at the stranger as if she had just spoken Russian.

“Who the fuck are you?” Ben prompts and then leans closer to Y/N, whispering in her ear, “Kill her.”

Y/N frowns, but her eyes are glued to the young woman in front of her, the familiarity sinking in. “I can’t,” she grits through her teeth.

“Why the fuck not?” Ben asks now loud enough for everyone to hear, including their guest.

“Because I’m the president,” the woman replies, smiling complacently. “And an old friend.”

Ben’s brow creases even more. “President of what? Cunt-town?”

“The United States, Ben,” Y/N tells him flatly. If she could kick his leg right now, she would. Leave it to her husband to get them both killed.

“Wait, a skirt is president?” Ben arches an eyebrow and mutters, “No wonder this country’s going to shit…”

“Charming,” Victoria Neuman says with a small sigh, but seemingly unbothered by the old-school views. Much like Y/N, she ignores the comment and doesn’t take offense to it. “I can see why you married him,” she adds wryly, looking at Y/N.

“Technically, she wasn’t elected. She was Vice President till President Singer died… accidentally,” Y/N explains, knowing Ben only reads the paper for the sports section and the comic strip. She swallows the thick lump in her throat, her heart thrashing wildly in her chest.

“Ah, I know what that’s code for.” Ben smirks coolly. “Bold move. I can fucking respect that.”

“Yeah, God knows some old fuck’s approval is what I’m looking for,” Neuman taunts, the sarcasm dripping from her red-painted lips.

Ben’s face drops as a bit of anger bubbles up inside of him. That bitch is lucky he’s V-free. He forces a tight-lipped smile. “I’m just saying I would’ve done the same thing, okay?”

“No offense, but you’re too much of a moron for that,” Neuman replies dryly.

Ben’s nostrils flare as he grits, “Offense fucking taken.”

“Okay!” Y/N tries to cut the tension with a nervous chuckle, pushing herself between Neuman and Ben. “How about you just tell us what we have to do to get out of this one?”

“See? She’s smart,” Neuman says and smirks at Ben. “I’ve always liked you, Y/N. You know, when Stan and Grace told me their plan of getting you two involved, I warned them. But they just wouldn’t listen. Everyone always underestimates the orphan. I should know, and so do you. Isn’t that right, Y/N?”

“Yeah, guess we’re MVP, after all, Nadia,” Y/N says and makes it a point to emphasize her real name.

Victoria just smiles in response. “So, since you took care of two problems for me, one in here and one out there, I have a proposal for you.”

“What is it?” Y/N knows she’s really out of choices. Either she agrees, or Ben and her will spend the afterlife together.

“I need a new Chief of Staff. I want you to do it. You’re smart, driven, and I know you wanna change shit around here. You wanna make a difference? This is your chance,” Neuman proposes. “You can’t take the cure again. It’s going to kill you. Trust me, we’ve done studies, and the results are not pretty.”

Y/N thinks for a few breaths. “What about Ben?”

“I guess he can live. It’s not like he’s a threat to anyone,” Neuman says and almost sounds bored. “Hell, for all I care, we can even make Soldier Boy a reformed hero for dealing with Homelander. He dies heroically in battle and quietly lives out his retirement in fucking Florida or some shit. We get him a big fucking statue. It’s good publicity.”

Y/N shares a look with Ben. “What d’you think?”

Thoughtfully, Ben clicks his tongue. He supposes it’s the best deal they can get, and declining it would probably get them nowhere, although he hates everything about it.

Swallowing, the former supe nods. “Alright, let’s fucking do this,” he agrees and states his conditions, “But for the record, I’m not moving to shit-ass Florida. I want a nice lake house in Minnesota.”

Victoria rolls her eyes. “Fine, whatever. Minnesota it is.”

“You okay? You ready?” Y/N checks as Ben has made it up the stone steps and halts in front of the big, red door.

“I don’t know. You really think this is a good idea? I’m not sure I can do this,” Ben says and insecurely eyes the entrance.

“You’ll do great, alright?” Y/N smiles encouragingly. “I believe in you.”

“I don’t wanna do this alone. What if I fuck up?” Ben asks.

Amused, Y/N chuckles. “Oh, you’re for sure gonna fuck up.”

The green-eyed man scowls. “That’s fucking reassuring. Thanks.”

“Look, this way you won’t be alone. I’ll wire you money every month and check in as much as I can, alright? You can always call me. This isn’t the end,” Y/N soothes his worries. “Maybe one day there’s a cure that’ll work, and we can be together again for real.”

She forces a weak smile to her lips, although she doesn’t believe her own words. But as long as Ben believes them, it’s enough.

“Okay.” Ben nods and takes a deep breath – in through his nose and out through his mouth. “I think I’m ready now.”

“Good.” Y/N sends him a smile. “You thought of a new name yet?”

“I’m still marinating on it,” Ben grumbles.

“Well, marinate faster. I have to introduce you.”

As they enter the orphanage, Y/N checks them in at the reception and fills out all necessary forms. Ben taps his foot nervously and scratches the back of his neck as they wait before one of Y/N’s former colleagues walks in with a little boy in hand, who’s no older than five.

Ben tries to smile but isn’t sure if it looks creepy, so he stops and opts for a more neutral expression. Y/N, however, immediately kneels down to the young boy and smiles brightly at him. It causes Ben’s heart to ache. She deserved to have all of this, but instead, she gave it all up for him.

“Hey, Benny,” she greets the boy. “You ready to meet your new adoptive parent?”

The boy scrunches his brow in careful suspicion as he eyes his future father-to-be. “I guess so,” he says. “Is that him? He looks like he drives a fucking minivan and offers candy to kids. Are you sure he’s not a pedo, Ms. Y/N?”

Ben purses his lips, biting the insides of his cheeks. The initial smile was definitely a mistake. They’re not off to a good start.

Y/N presses her lips together to muffle her snort. “Yes, Benny, I’m sure,” she replies patiently. “He’s cool, trust me.”

“Fine, whatever.” The kid rolls his eyes. “As long as he’s not fucking vegan like Ms. Teresa. They’re the worst.”

“Ugh, agreed! Do I look like a fucking plant-shitter to you?” Ben asks the boy rhetorically.

“No, you look like a fucking pedo to me,” the boy retorts.

Ben grins broadly at Y/N. “I like the kid. I think I get what you mean now. I see the resemblance.”

“Well, great. Glad you two are hitting it off… I think,” Y/N says with a crinkled brow, although a part of her is doubting her idea. Honestly, it’s wild she’s trusting him with a child. A year ago she would’ve thought that it was insane. “Alright, uh, Benny, this is, uhm–”

“Sam,” Ben proudly introduces himself with his fake name and shakes the kid’s hand. He then notices Y/N’s strange look. “What?”

“Nothing, just… you don’t really strike me as a Sam. That’s all,” she tells him in a whisper-tone, shrugging.

“Oh, really? Well, I don’t give a fuck. I love it,” Ben quips, grinning rather smugly.

“Fine.” Y/N sighs. She turns back to little Ben with a smile. “You guys ready to hit the road?”

“Where are we going?” Benny asks curiously and promptly takes Ben’s hand, dragging the older man through the doors. He’s been waiting to get out of the orphanage for a while, the excitement of finally being able to leave visible in every step he takes.

It’s a fresh start for both of them.

“Uh, Mount Rushmore,” Ben answers.

“Cool! Can we get burgers on the way there? I’m starving.”

“Sure can, kid.”

Y/N can see Ben’s initial hesitance until he eventually accepts it and eases into the situation, holding the boy’s hand tightly. He helps the kid into the car, even puts the seatbelt on, and shuts the door behind him.

Her heart twinges as she watches the two, wishing she could go with them if things were different. However, she knows the risk is too big. She would never forgive herself if she hurt either of them. She doesn’t trust herself enough yet. Maybe someday she can.

“You okay?” Ben asks as he sees the unshed tears brimming in her eyes. He’d dreaded this day for the past few weeks, hoping she’d still change her mind. He hates that this is goodbye, but he supposes he has to set her free now.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Y/N says with a forced smile, but a tear escapes and rolls down her cheek.

“C’mere.”

Y/N protests as Ben slings his arms around her and pulls her flush against him, holding her tightly. He hasn’t touched her since that night, but he doesn’t care anymore. He presses his lips against hers and tastes her one last time.

Breathlessly, Y/N withdraws and sniffles. “Are you fucking insane? I could kill you.”

Ben simply smiles at her. “Hey, if I die kissing you, then that’s a fucking great way to go out. ‘Sides, insanity is contagious,” he quips and sends her a wink. “Thank you… for everything, you know?”

“You’re welcome,” she says quietly and swallows harshly as the tears fall freely now. Not every film has a happy ending. “I guess I’ve done my job as your sponsor. You’ve been successfully rehabilitated.”

Ben snorts. “If by that you mean I’m fucking boring and responsible now then yeah, you’ve done your job.”

“You won’t be bored for long. The kid’s already trying to hotwire the car,” Y/N tells him, laughing.

“Wha–” Ben spins around and points a warning finger at the boy. “Ay! Hands in your fucking lap!”

The kid raises his palms in surrender and yells, “Hurry the fuck up!”

With a shaking head, Ben turns back to her. “Gotta watch that kid like an eagle,” he mutters. He exhales a dreaded breath and licks his lips. “So, I guess this is goodbye, huh?”

Y/N smiles softly, the corners of her mouth reaching her dimples. “Maybe.”

Little Ben gets me every time 😂 Alright, now you may yell and complain, but I love this bittersweet ending 🥲 (But of course, you're welcome to send in requests. Whether it's deleted scenes, bonus shots of a potential future, or some fun Big Ben/Little Ben drabbles)

Thank you so much for reading, for your gifs and comments! It's so appreciated! Without them, this would only be half the fun 🤍

I'll announce future plans soon. The final five of Plastic Hearts will probably be next up. Get ready 'cause it's another wild one! 🌟

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[acourtofthought]

Why are these people so obsessed with connecting Elain to sunshine and the day court when Lucien isn't even connected to the day court yet 😭😭

Mans has no clue his real daddy is helion not Beron. Mans spends his time in the HUMAN LANDS - far away from the day court. He doesn't even cross paths with Helion.

Not to mention - we don't know jack shit about the day court like who is to say she would be happy there?? Like I envision the day court as a desert - by that logic - how tf she gonna garden there anyways???

Elain is not plant. 🪴 stop trying to send her to different courts to be with different men because she likes flowers and asked for sunlight once 😡

Her home is where her family is. Where the people she loves are. Stop treating her like a basil plant!

I've been ignoring anti anons but since you're not technically an anon I'll respond though my guess is you're still acting pathetic and posting under a burner account rather than having the balls to post as your real self.

Feyre once called the Spring Court her home.

Elain once wanted to go home to the human lands.

What makes you think, when the definition of home changed for both Feyre and Elain already, that Elain's true home can't end up being somewhere other the NC?

She didn't want to be in the NC in ACOWAR. She didn't choose the NC as her home. She ended up there by default because she had no choice. She had no choice but to find friends in Feyre's inner circle. Had no choice in males outside her mate aside from the one single guy in Feyre's inner circle.

Elain's experiences after being turned now consist of elderly fae and the people she's met through Feyre. Those are not real choices, are they ? It's choosing from a very small pool of people and you can't cry how she's finally found where she belongs when she's seen the tiniest percentage of what actually exists in her new world. Especially when none of those people encourage her growth and actually try to hold her back from doing more. With family and friends like that why have enemies?

And honestly, don't play dumb. You're the same people claiming Elain will have something to do with the Dusk Court though absolutely nothing supports this whereas Lucien was literally connected to Day in ACOWAR. Just because he doesn't know yet doesn't mean it's not still his birthright 😂. The power still sleeps in him even if it hasn't fully been revealed. Sarah didn't remind us of this secret in ACOFAS if she didn't plan on writing about it when Lucien gets a pov. Also, in case you're forgetting Lucien is now permanently stationed in Spring. It's almost like.. hear me out.... him in the human lands wasn't going to be his forever home but simply Sarah giving him a place to reside temporarily until it was time to continue building his story.

And he has crossed paths with Helion, they were literally at Starfall in SF at the same time. Lucien gives reports to Feyre and Rhys in the NC. Helion is friends with Feyre and Rhys and has visited the NC. It's quite easy for Sarah to stage a little run in. Not to mention Lucien traveled to Day way back when to search for info on how to break the bargain between Rhys and Feyre.

Elain is not a plant but the author told us she needs sunshine, that how she was once so full of light nothing now remains. Then proceeds to reveal Lucien as the heir to Day and later adds on to that how the gates to Elain's mind have sleeping buds. Sleeping buds when she currently resides in the NC. Even later we're told how NC black sucks the life from Elain no matter how much she claimed to be part of the court.

This is the same author who had Feyre paint stars on her drawer for some unknown to her at the time reason. Which led to her finding her home and mate in the NC. This is called a literary device. If you look into them you might enjoy your reading experience a bit more and if you're still struggling to grasp the concept you might be too young for these books.

Also, you realize the Day Court and Spring can still have gardens right? The flowers won't just magically grow on their own without being planted and require zero upkeep? That's like saying Florida has no need for gardeners just because it's warm year round 😂

I actually feel bad for you, how wide a margin you keep missing the mark with.

[jezabelle9299]

Rise and Shine S.R x FEM! Reader

Overture- This is a part 2 of Morning Sunshine, which if you'd like to read you could do Here, but if you don't feel like doing that the gist is that these two are roommates on a long case (separate beds they're awkward enough without being under the same comforter), and when Spencer wakes up Reader is already up getting ready, so they decide to get breakfast together. But Spencer is very sleepy, and starts drifting off again.

CWs-Spencer falls down, but he's fine.

A/N- Someone actually requested this! It made me very happy and I would like to give that person a very small kiss on the nose. Also it's technically Halloween, so happy Halloween! I'm beginning to think I may not finish all of these before the end of the month (but I may die trying) Anyway, this is day 23, and if you'd like to read the other things I did this month you can do that here: October Writing Master List

You let Spencer sleep in an extra 15 minutes, long enough for you to finish your makeup– before trying to wake him up again. You agreed to get breakfast and coffee before the morning briefing, and if you were going to make it in time, he needed to start getting ready. 

“Hey Spencer?” You called out to him, and although you were only a few feet away, he didn’t respond. 

“Spence?” This time he only turned over in response, so you leaned over his bed to gently shake his shoulder, lowering your voice a little bit so as to not startle him. 

“Hey, come on, we gotta go if we’re going to make it to the briefing on time and still get breakfast on the way.” He turned his head towards you, sleepily grumbling a little bit. 

“5 more minutes Sunshine?” That he’d never called you before. He wasn’t very into nicknames outside of occasionally calling you and your colleagues by their last names. And you could see the very moment he recognized it in himself, his eyes shooting open, and him immediately sitting back up in bed. He registered your slightly shocked expression and threw the blankets off of himself. 

“Ah— I mean I— I’ll get ready now.”  He stumbled to get out of that bed so quickly, he didn’t even notice his leg caught in the sheets until he went tumbling to the floor. 

“Oh my god Spencer are you ok?” You rushed over to him, trying to pull the rest of the bedding off of him.

“Yeah-yep, I’m fine. How about I meet you in the lobby in like 10 minutes?” He spoke while still collecting himself from the floor. 

“Sure, I’ll see you then.” You gently closed the door behind you, and made your way down to the lobby to wait. Spencer however, spent the first minute screaming into a pillow because he was so mad at himself that he not only let the nickname he preferred to keep confined to his thoughts slip in front of you, but that he immediately fell down after. Like a baby deer learning to walk. 

When he came down to the lobby, his face was still as red as could be. But you didn’t say a word about what happened earlier, leading him with his cute little message bag to the cute little cafe down the street. You got your food and coffees, and then after the waitress made sure everything was ok, you decided you could now tease him just a little bit.

“So Sunshine, huh?” He almost choked on his coffee, and you felt just a little bit bad for bringing it up. 

“I’m so sorry about that, I wasn’t thinking– I didn’t mean to call you–that.”

“I didn’t think you liked nicknames.”

“Generally I don’t.”

“So what got me the honor of such a flattering one?”

“I don’t know, you’re just so warm? I guess?” Warm, bright, the light of his life— it was all semantics really.

“Aww, thank you. That’s really sweet, Spencer.” 

You took a glance at the clock on the wall, and realized you needed to be at the briefing in less than 20 minutes. Everyone on the team knew you were sharing a room so if you both turned up late, they’d have a field day. You could make it on time, but you raised your hand when the waitress walked by so you could get the check. 

“Oh the two people at that table already paid your tab. They said you were a very cute couple.” She said it in a way that was so sweet and genuine, you really weren’t sure who you were picturing when you looked towards the door, where the waitress had pointed. 

Yet there they were, Derek and Emily, smug as ever. Spencer followed your line of sight and all of the color drained from his face. They each gave you small waves before putting their sunglasses back on and walking out. 

“Alright, we’re getting made fun of this morning anyway, you might as well finish your coffee.” Spencer grumbled while picking up his own mug again.

[the-insomniac-emporium]

tale of woe

ARTICULO MORTIS- the moment of death

(Reblogs/comment are appreciated, I read every tag! :3 See under the read-more for an alternate version without the lighting effect, notes on details, as well as a copy of the final sketch)

The constellation is one of the two mentioned during Cassandra's stargazing scene, Ursa Major. The other, Orion the Hunter, was already featured in my previous piece, Stargazer.

Having a 'halo' of red around her head was one of my earliest concept points for this piece, in reference to her cult ending.

In Romeo & Juliet, Juliet's decision to end her life isn't just about her grief over Romeo, it's the knowledge that her only real options are either to die or to be sent off to live as a nun. When so much of her story is already about trying to choose her own fate, to avoid the life that has been planned out for her, it's easier to understand her final decision. Anywho, the real point of this paragraph is that this is why the left side of the piece features a church building.

The circular window in the church has 8 slices, each with a color representing one of the 7 routes, plus a bonus one for Mia. The colors are all eye-dropped from the character sprites, minus Miranda's, which I selected from the piece I did for her.

The three graves on the left are for the Stans. One of them literally says STAN, one is blank, and the last one has the initials R.S. (Rebecca Stan). On the right side we have a grave for the MC, partially since they die in the cult ending, partially because the right side is more symbolic of the play's canon ending, so the MC's grave is really Romeo's grave.

The main color for the curtains was taken from Cassandra's default sprite, specifically her shirt, because why not? Similarly, the color for the boards/stage at the bottom is taken from her pants. Because why not?

technically the flowers in her hand are supposed to be roses, but I realized about halfway through this piece that over the years my simplified way of drawing roses has gradually turned into just drawing tulips. oops. seriously tho, oops. also realized that this one pan I use for cooking, which I always thought was an 8x8 pan, is actually a 9x9 pan. which explains several recurring difficulties with some of my favorite baking recipes. guess I'm just a silly goose

this had so many layers holy fuck. I used the same file for the original pose sketches, as well as a bunch of reference photos, but even with that in mind it's crazy that this had over 70 layers. by the end there's still, like, 20 active ones. each section had a separate layer for the outline + the color, another couple layers for the banner on bottom, one for lighting, and then the constellation was it's own layer.

Final outline sketch:

Version without the lighting effect (which is intended to mimic the way stained glass looks when hit by sunshine):

[uwingdispatch]

Wayward Evenings

Notes: Ezra Bridger/Reader, established relationship, gender neutral reader, post-rebellion/post-war, hurt/comfort, chronically ill/disabled reader

CW: alcohol consumption, the aftermath of alcohol consumption, implied sexual intimacy

Ao3 Link

★★★★★★★★

You hadn’t expected to spend your evening holding your husband’s hair back in the refresher. In fact, you’d had other plans. But when Hondo was in town…you’d learned to expect this kind of thing. Perhaps it was your mistake to try and do tonight any other way, but you’re still annoyed that Ezra is just so…Ezra when it comes to the former pirate. 

“You’re lucky you’re pretty,” you tell him. Ezra is leaning against a cabinet on the floor doing his best to stay upright. Despite your irritation, you’re right there with him, smoothing his sweat-slicked hair away from his face. “Every time,” you say. “It’s like you’re incapable of making good decisions around that man.”

“I think you’re onto something there, sunshine,” he says. “But can we talk about it tomorrow? I feel like I’m going to die right now.”

You let out a deep sigh. “Sure,” you say. “If you promise to never drink pirate moonshine again.”

“It was made on Batuu, so technically it’s moons-shine.”

“You know what? I’m just going to leave.”  You have no intention of leaving.

“I’ll never touch that shit again,” he says. “For you, of course.” And then wretches again. 

An hour ago someone at the cantina had called you to come get your idiot husband. They normally would have called Sabine—she was more physically capable of dragging Ezra out of a bar and throwing him into a speeder—but she’s been off planet for the past few weeks and that left you and your droid to come coax Ezra out of the building and get him home. 

“I know you had plans,” he says. “I’m so sorry,”

“Too drunk to stand up,” you say, “before the sun’s even fully set!”

“I guess I was just feeling ambitious.”

“When they called me to come get you they were worried you were going to try and fight a Dowutin. Over an insult to Hondo’s ‘honor.’”

“I would never actually—” 

“If you weren’t who you are you might have gotten arrested.”

“I know.” 

“Ezra, I love you, but I really don’t love this.” 

Even still, you’re rubbing his back, holding him steady. There are people you meet at a certain age and somehow, whenever they’re around, you become that age again. You understand this. It just doesn’t make your current predicament any less frustrating..

C2-B35 rolls in grumbling and hands you fresh towels, which you pass off to Ezra, who seems to be regaining his balance as he stands, the nausea abating.

“I think the worst is over, Cee,” Ezra says.

Ceetoo, being a therapy droid ultimately concerned with your wellbeing, chirps and whirrs—a curse-ridden message for Ezra that you don’t bother acknowledging. Because despite her vitriol, the little astromech has been monitoring his vitals since the two of you picked him up earlier. 

“Get cleaned up,” you say. “Is there anything you need?”

“You’re too good to me,” he says. “But all I need is you.”

In the kitchen, inhaling a bowl of leftover pasta, you remind yourself that this is not a regular occurrence. You hear the shower running and feel a bit of relief knowing you’ve moved on to the part of the evening where Ezra can take care of himself. Which means the vomiting is over. And given how much of that had gone on earlier, you’re pretty sure he meant it when he said he’d swear off Hondo’s moonshine.

When he emerges he’s wearing just a pair of gray lounge pants and a soft red robe—yours—left open. 

Ceetoo is nearby watering her plants and in a series of beeps and whistles she asks if she needs to still be monitoring Ezra. 

“I’m good, Cee,” he says. “I just need to rest. And make up for…all of this.”

He slips his arms around your waist and nuzzles your neck before pressing a soft kiss to your temple. 

“Feeling better?” you ask.

“Eh…mostly.”

“Still a little drunk?”

“A little.”

You take his face in your hand, brushing your thumb over his cheek before tucking a few wayward curls, still wet from the shower, behind his ear. He leans in as if to kiss you and you stop him. “Not before you drink that water,” you say, pointing to a large glass on the kitchen counter. “All of it.”

“And then?”

You shrug.

“You know I’d do anything for you, sunshine,” he says, his voice low, his lips almost touching your ear.

You reply: “I know.”  

***

You’d been dating Ezra for six months when you first met Hondo. Ezra had described the old Weequay as “kind of like an uncle, but not the kind of uncle you call in an emergency…unless it’s like a real emergency, he’ll show up for that.”

And after a night out with Ezra’s “uncle” you wondered if you really knew who you were dating. It wasn’t that the liquor had changed his personality, or even that Hondo had. You just hadn’t seen this side of him before.

“I think I overdid it,” he said.

“You did.”

“I should have warned you.”

“Ezra,” you said. “I don’t know if there’s any way to warn someone that one of your dearest friends is the kind of person who thinks axe-throwing while drunk is a good idea.” 

You were walking a rather tipsy Ezra home after what you had thought would be a casual dinner with a quirky family friend. But that was not how time with Hondo would ever go. You’d threatened to leave over the whole axe-throwing throwing thing, but stayed a while when Ezra reluctantly backed down from the challenge.

“I forget that Ezra Bridger cannot hold his liquor,” Hondo had said. “I would do anything for this boy, but he would have made a terrible pirate.” 

Ezra looped his arm around your waist and sighed. “With Hondo,” Ezra said, “sometimes it feels like I can go back in time. Like…”

“Like all the time you lost while you were away didn’t happen?”

“You get it,” he said. “Of course you get it.”

“I don’t know if I get it, but I think I know what you’re saying.”

Ezra never got to go through a wild phase—not the way most people did as young adults. Hondo, however, seemed to make space for the chaotic teenager in anyone. Which maybe under other circumstances might have been fine, but Ezra’s limit was usually a pint or two of ale. Tonight there had been Correllian wine. And then shots of something that smelled like explosives.

Just outside of his house now, Ezra mumbled, “I would have been a great pirate.” 

You swiped his key card to open the front door and, as soon as he could get to it, he flopped into his bed. 

You sighed, watching Ezra struggle to take off his socks. “I’m sure you would have been legendary.”

“Legendary!” he repeated.

You got ready for bed, using the items of yours that had started to collect in the refresher. Some you’d left at Ezra’s place over the last few months. Others Ezra had bought for you, wanting you to feel welcome and at home with him. He called your name, and you went to the kitchen to get him a glass of water, knowing he’d be feeling this in the morning if he didn’t at least try to hydrate.

“Come here,” he said. “Let me hold you.”

When you joined him in bed, he pulled you toward him, undressed now, his skin warm against yours. “I don’t usually drink like this,” he said.

“Yeah, I don’t think I’ve seen you this intoxicated before.”

“That’s on purpose,” he said. “I can’t believe I let myself…you know what? It doesn’t matter. It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“Drink the water,” you told him.

“I will,” he said. “Hey. Hey…can you look at me?”

You tuck his hair behind his ear, let your fingers trail down his neck and along his jawline. “I’ve been looking at you this whole time.”

“I’m just so glad you came out with me tonight. I know Hondo is a lot, but he’s family.”

“He’s probably not too fond of me.”

“Are you kidding? He loved you.”

“Really?”

“How could he not, sunshine?” he said. And after a pause, “Do you know how important you are to me? How much I love you?”

It was the first time either of you had said these words to the other. And you hadn’t expected to hear them as a drunken confession. “Ezra, I—”

“You don’t have to say anything.”

“It’s okay. Just…tell me again when you’re sober.”

“I will.”

He pulled you close and you rested your head on his chest, breathing deeply. He smelled of sweat and alcohol, of course. But also of him. Of a man you’d very much fallen in love with. Sometimes you thought you’d fallen in love with him the day you’d met. But you’d held those words back, wondering sometimes whether Ezra Bridger was the type to settle down. 

But now, there was something about the way he stroked your hair as he started to doze off. And when he said “I’ll tell you I love you every day for as long as you’ll have me,” tipsy or not, you believed him.

***

You’re in the kitchen brewing a fresh pot of caf when you hear Ezra stumbling down the hallway, followed by the loth-cats that had been sleeping at his feet.

“You’re never up this early,” he says.

His hair is wild, and he’s wearing a robe—his this time—and not much else. You don’t need to tell him he’s a mess. He knows. And he knows how he got here.

“There’s no Jedi trick for hangovers,” you say. “Or at least that’s what you’ve lead me to believe.”

You put a plate of eggs and two headache tablets on the table and he sits, a look of defeat in his big blue eyes.

“I’d been hoping to make you breakfast today,” he says. “I really kriffed things up last night.”

Ceetoo comes in the front door carrying a shopping bag, looks straight at Ezra and starts grumbling in binary.  

“I know,” he says. “I’m profoundly aware of this. Can you please lower your volume?”

You bring two cups of caf to the table and sit beside Ezra. A man who’s stayed up with you through countless nights when your chronic pain was at its worst. Who makes a point of bringing you your favorite tea anytime you have a particularly bad migraine. A man who, when you’d first met, lived on the opposite side of town—but when he found out how difficult your anxiety could get, he started making that long drive to you any time you were struggling and he thought he could help.

He did kriff up last night. But you can’t find it in yourself to hold it against him. “It was a rough night,” you say. “But it’s behind us.” 

Sipping his caf he says, “Thank you, love.” 

“You would do the same for me.”

“I don’t mean the breakfast. I mean, I do. But you deserve better than a grown man who can’t get his shit together for one night so you can go out with your friends.”

There’s something sheepish about him as he takes your hand, and you see the “boy” Hondo always refers to when he talks about Ezra, despite his being in his forties. 

“You have your shit remarkably together ninety-nine percent of the time, Ezra,” you say. “I can make new plans. And you were sick enough yesterday that I think that might be punishment enough.”

Ceetoo grumbles as she brings you a plate of sliced fruit. She’d happily gone to the store for you but had been less than enthusiastic about it when you told her the fruit was for Ezra—she could hold a grudge as well as any organic. But you reminded her of how many times he’d been there for the two of you, and that if you could forgive him for one ruined night, she could, too. 

As she’s leaving the kitchen she beeps and whistles: try not to barf.

Ezra laughs. “I’m so glad she doesn’t actually hate me,” he says. “Though sometimes I wonder.”

You sit in silence for a while, listening to the wind blowing a tree branch into the window outside, the birds singing in the garden. And you remember planting that garden with Ezra when you first moved into this house, how you reminded him again that you probably wouldn’t be able to help much with maintaining the garden because of your chronic pain. And he’d taken your hands and told you that he didn’t expect anything of you other than that you being in his life. That just you being here, making a home together—that was enough. He’d wiped the tears from your cheeks when you began to cry, your heart so full it was spilling over.

“How are you feeling?” you ask.

“Better now that I’ve eaten, actually.”  

He gives your hand a squeeze before you get up to feed the two tooka cats who have gathered under the table, nipping at your feet. One you’d had when you met Ezra—the other was a three-legged stray Ezra had found living in an alley behind his work, far too friendly to be a street cat. You nearly trip over the little guy as you turn to put the kibble away, only to be steadied by Ezra—you hadn’t even realized he’d gotten up from the table.

“Hey,” he says. “I’ve got you.”

“I was fine,” you insist.

He smiles. “Sure.”

His grin is infectious, and soon you have your arms around his neck, unable to stifle the smile on your own face. He ghosts his fingers along your cheek, his thumb swiping over your bottom lip for a moment before leaning in to kiss you, slow and lingering.

“You can make me dinner tonight,” you tell him. 

“And in the meantime?”

You can’t imagine he’s recovered that quickly. But Ezra is always full of surprises. So when he leads you back to the bedroom you follow. He discards your clothing in the hall, piece by piece as you stumble over each other, a feeling of lightness filling you as he kisses your forehead, your nose, your neck before you tumble into bed. And when you find yourself beneath the sheets with Ezra, you’re thinking about how seamlessly he fit into your life, from the very beginning. And now, how perfectly your bodies fit together, his deft hands finding exactly where and how you love to be touched. 

He whispers in your ear: “Let me make this up to you.”  

And you melt into him, your fingers lacing into his hair as he kisses you deeper, a spark of electricity running through you as if it were the first time he’d ever kissed you. 

“You still owe me dinner,” you tell him.

“I’ll give you anything,” he says, pressing a kiss to your clavicle. “Anything you want,” he says, “it’s yours.”

And, if only because he’d never once given you a reason not to, you believe him. 

★★★★★★★★

Thank you so much for reading! Once again I am here to be a gremlin about Ezra Bridger somehow growing up to be Blorbo. I hope this fic made you feel seen and loved.

I have a taglist now! Sign up here if you want to be tagged in future fics. (And choose if you only want to be tagged for certain characters.) In the meantime, I’m tagging my taglist as well as some folks who have been reblogging my fics. Love y’all!

@writingbylee @waterpancakeao3 @princessxkenobi @zinzinina @aerynwrites @belfry-bat @phoenixhalliwell @r1-sw-lover @laserbrains @darthanakn @lovedbyth3sun @usernamesarebitches @maul-ologue @operation-spot @writeforfandoms @akgracemk @littlemousedroid @strwrs @saveatruckrideoptimusprime @galaxtic-writings @mintpurplemnm @againstacecilia @elasticreality@zombiedixon89 @forresway @sith-as-heck @alistocats @favficss @themandadolorian @ginger-swag-rapunzel @iamsuchanasshat @vvpoisonous @saradika @islandfrogeery @boba-brasso-bee @groguspawbeans @fluffyprettykitty @mischiefqueer @wretchedmo @wyn-n-tonic @dystopicjumpsuit @1vlouds @lucypaulette @x-0ophelia0-x @densenubi @dolphincommander @glass-soup @cosmictearsfall

[junebugshifts]

junebug's shifting introduction

january 9th, 2025

as of right now, i am procrastinating doing my science work...but then again, when am i not?

this blog revolves solely around shifting realities and manifestation (which i view as the same thing).

i've been in the shifting community since october of 2019. it was a mess. it still is. however, i thrive in toxic environments.

here i will list a few of my intended realities:

doctor who; i'm the doctor's companion for several regenerations. to say the least, this reality is invigorating and relatively carefree...as long as we avoid daleks at all costs.

marvel; i'm doctor strange's adopted daughter. i always shift to realities with a father figure (you'll see this pattern begin to develop).

the walking dead; yes, you probably guessed it, daryl dixon is my father-figure in this reality. this reality is a lot less traumatic than it is portrayed in the show.

arcane; see, you'd probably think i'd want vander to be my father...but no. don't be silly. of course i'm shifting to be silco's daughter. 'you're my daughter, i'll never forsake you'. guys, c'mon, i'm sobbing.

marauders; this reality is all about the friend group and the adventures. i usually shift to be a male when shifting to my marauders reality so i can fit in more with the marauders.

that's it (technically)! i also shift to a waiting room filled with endless books and art (and food).

i'll now say some things about myself; if you can identify with any of my below statements, i'm sure we'd get on superbly!

i'm a british teenager who has already gone through two existential crisis'

i love sad movies, such as good will hunting, dead poets society, outrun, a man called otto, all of us strangers, the talented mr ripley (yes, i'm obsessed with matt damon - not in an attraction way, his acting is phenomenal), the holdovers, we live in time (a new favourite), i saw the tv glow (any other genderfluid shifters out there?), beautiful boy, to the bone (been there, done that; got to laugh or i'll cry), the perks of being a wallflower, little miss sunshine, brokeback mountain, eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, requiem for a dream, girl interrupted (not a favourite but it's watchable and i gave it 3 stars on letterboxd), the sixth sense, and i feel like this is dragging on a bit now so i'm going to stop...

my favourite books are classics (mostly)! i have an unhealthy infatuation with louisa may alcott's writing (little women is heavenly; i yearn for sisters :(). my top three books are little women, the picture of dorian gray and dracula!

my favourite tv show is doctor who. i started watching it about a year and a half ago and i've felt attached to it ever since the 9th doctor's sassy charm.

i have been diagnosed with asd (autism spectrum disorder) and love befriending other autistic folk; i feel like we just get each other on a level of deep understanding

elliott smith is the meaning of life

so, to end this, if you want to talk about your desired reality or recommend a book, please feel free to reach out. i won't judge you...i am literally the blueprint for stand-offish freaks.

much love,

juno

[latenightswaudiobooks]

Always Only You

Book 2 In Bergman Brothers Series

What it’s about: A duel P.O.V. slow-burn forbidden office romance book. Where your leads are a Shakespeare loving hockey player with a heart of gold that I would describe as a golden retriever is hopelessly in love with a fiercely guarded and independent social media manager I would describe as a black cat. This book is comedic gold and has great chronic illness and autism representation!

Pages or Run Time: 10 Hour 18 Minutes

⭐ Overall Rating: 100/10 (I loved this book so much) (I'm not even exaggerating I LOVED this book!)

🌶️ Spice Rating: 6/10 (There are some scenes but nothing crazy but I was content with it!)

I don't think I need a trigger warning for this one unless you count living with the highs and lows of autism or chronic illness. Always check the books for the actual list of trigger warnings though!

Why To Read Listen: Real authentic chronic illness and autism representation, it's a hockey romance, a reverse grumpy x sunshine, and to top it off it's got the best quips/dry humor.

‼️ Beyond Here Contains Spoilers ‼️

Favorite Character: Frankie she was the first character I can say I felt completely seen and understood by and she is hilarious. I wish she was real so I could actually meet her.

Least Favorite Character: Also Frankie? I saw myself in her to much and felt little me screaming at her during every self sabotage. They hurt me just as much as they hurt her. Taking that away I loved her. I guess if I had to pick one outside of her that I unfortunately can't give much commentary on because they technically aren't really in the book except maybe a second. It's the god damn "reporters" more like paparazzi.

Favorite Part: When Ren convinces her they can take care of each other. It wasn't a one way street and that he wasn't leaving.

Least Favorite Part: When Frankie was in the hospital with Pneumonia and freaks out at Ren for missing his game and going with her to the hospital/staying with her. She breaks up with him in a giant moment of self sabotage. It broke me. I was so angry with Frankie in that moment but, I also know I would of done the same which made it more painful.

Favorite Quotes: “I’m okay. Sometimes I feel big feelings and they make me have tears.”

“I’m tough." "I know you are." "I can take care of myself." "You have." "You still do. You always will. I’ve just joined in, too. Now we take care of each other.”

“Men have been objectifying women for millennia. Simply doing my part to settle the score.”

My Thoughts: I will say it again I LOVED this book! This was a slow burn I was sucked right in to, kept my attention, and made me want more every time I had to stop listening! That is rare for me! As a autistic person with a chronic illness and chronic pain I finally found a romance heroine I could actually relate to! She talks about feeling as if no one can love her because of how she acts and reacts to things. She feels as if she will be seen as a burden because of her illnesses and because of it she believes everyone will leave her and she will never be able to find love. Our hero through (almost 😉) everything stays a ball of sunshine and loves her without a thought towards her illnesses in the sense of he doesn't see her illness as any reason to love her any less and the thought never crosses his mind. He cares for her health so much that she feels suffocated towards it at a point. I would describe him as being like a helicopter parent at times which I would also find suffocating. I felt so seen, but also called out by this book which at first I found unsettling, but in the end I loved it. I had never felt like the romance stories could be real or at least real for me until this book. Some of the situations and dialogue reminded me so of my lovely fiance and I. The hero said many things to the heroine that she has said to me. The heroine said many things that I've either thought about her or talked to her about. It has a happy ending in the end and I was left happily content

I will read more in the series!

Give me book recommendations based off this book!

[kineticallyanywhere]

Out of pure curiousity you mentioned once that you were thinking of maybe some sort of sequelish thing to MoM- is that still something you have as a potential project or is the book closed on MoM? No pressure either way, I'm just curious because in my opinion MoM has one of those perfect endings that makes you wish the journey was longer just because you weren't ready to say goodbye and the idea of more MoM maybe even more then Actually Having More MoM interests me

It has come to my attention that I have newer followers who were unaware of my Red vs Blue fixation phase. For those people, here's a link to the fic in question: Mind over Matter on Ao3

The book is almost certainly closed on that, my fixations have moved on and I agree with you about the ending being this bittersweet balance of wanting more but not quite being willing to risk how well the landing stuck. but I had two ideas, one for a companion and one for a sequel.

(summaries and writing excerpts below the cut)

The companion is basically a long one-shot from Carolina's PoV that takes place during MoM. I actually wrote quite a bit of it! it's the most likely to get finished one day. you'd get to see her and everyone else's reaction to Wash and Epsilon going missing, and it would fill in a lot of details that Our Boys don't get to see. For example, in the last chapter Wash's helmet is present because Carolina and Tucker managed to recover his armor during their frantic raiding of enemy bases to find them. Also, Sarge and Simmons weren't supposed to be the team at the base where Our Boys got rescued. It was supposed to be Tucker and his team, but Tucker was so distracted looking for Wash and Church that they had to put the Reds on it. You'd also get a bit of Emily talking about more technical details for what was going on with Wash's brain while he and Epsilon were super-fused together. Oh! it also would have explained how they were able to get a new chip printed for Wash so fast. the base they raided to get Wash's armor also had the equipment and data used to make the taser-chip that they put Epsilon into in chapter 1.

An excerpt, because of course this got me to find my old file. Takes place after the rescue:

Grey finally puts down her datapad. “I'll keep chipping away at what I can, but I just don't have an answer for you right now, Carolina. The science of neurotechnology isn't exactly new, but it's still very unexplored. We may have to prepare ourselves to wait for answers until they can fix themselves.” “And how long will that take?” Carolina asks, as if she hasn’t already assigned herself indefinitely to this chair.  “Ooh, feisty! Careful, or Caboose will grab the spray bottle again. Can’t have you climbing any more walls.”  Carolina’s patience for jokes is about as thin as the arm rests on her seat, which creak under her hands. “So you can’t tell me anything.” Dr. Grey’s smile dims a few watts. She tilts her head, thoughtfully. Then she says, “My best guess is: whatever protocols got broken, Epsilon would have had to have broken them himself.” “But--” “But, he would never have done that to himself. Or to Agent Washington. They're both prickly and emotionally constipated -- and there's a buffet of redacted history between them I would simply love to sink my teeth into, given the chance. But. They care about each other. Church wouldn't have taken it this far without Wash's input; and Wash wouldn't have let him. They got into this together. They'll get out together, too.” Because Carolina’s life makes no sense, suddenly all she can think about is Caboose, several days ago, in the meeting room.  “They’re gonna be okay.”  Back in the present, Grey chirps, all sunshine and rainbows again, “So we’ll just have to hurry up and wait!” Carolina slumps back in her chair. “You are really… not my favorite person.” “Well of course not!” She leans over the bed to frame Wash’s face with one hand. “Look at my competition!” Then she swaps out the bandage on his face with ‘blink and you’ll miss it’ fluidity.

the sequel would have gone full AU from before the epilogue of MoM. It would really just be me self-indulgently sinking my teeth into all of Blue Team's issues, with the added bonus of Wash and Epsilon having sorted through their own issues and it casts a harsh light on how every other relationship on the team hasn't really sorted out theirs. Accomplished by trapping them all in a tunnel system through Chorus with a bunch of mercs/pirates and juggling around which combinations of characters are split up with each other.

Carolina and Tucker probably the juiciest, because their understanding and history of every other member of the team is starkly different from each other:

“When Wash led you all back for us--” “‘Wash led?” Tucker parrots back. He actually laughs. “Love to break this to you, but Wash was the last one who wanted to go back for you.” Carolina’s head, maybe her whole body, empties out in a single moment. “...what?” Tucker jabs himself in the chest like he wishes his finger was sharper. “I’m the dipshit who couldn’t live with himself if you both suicided. He just got swept up in every other idiot suddenly growing a hero complex. I don’t know what Agent Washington was like, but Wash is the stone-cold asshat with abandonment issues."

Also featuring Caboose getting to hug Blue Squared.

Maybe one day I'll spend a summer sinking back into that hottub of Red vs Blue brainrot, but for now we can daydream

[xxl1zardb3ansxx]

Kay so I lied imma just post chapters of my story when I can so here you go :) This one is kinda short

On the way

It was pretty much uneventful. Star flew over a majority of the Mud kingdom, which she did not particularly enjoy. Too many snakes and big scary Mudwings. It also smelled horrible, but she thought not to mention that in her journal just in case a Mudwing found it. It was quite peaceful in the open sky though. No noisy dragonets, no Astrion. Just clouds. They didn’t make very much noise so Star didn’t mind them. The mountains were a little less fun. Star had to be careful because there were random mountains sticking up everywhere. It also didn’t help that there were a lot of clouds, which made it even harder to see. Star only had to stop once when she needed food. She found a goat, who was relatively skinny actually, but Star didn’t really care. Meat wasn’t a huge part of her diet because she lived in the rainforest, with rainwings. And Rainwings are vegetarian so you get the point. Although, there were some interesting botany samples along the way. Bright blue flowers, a very folding looking pink flower, and a red round fruit. Which after looking it up in her botany book, found out it was a strawberry. Thus she tossed it into her mouth and picked a couple for the rest of the trip. Eventually, Star came across a large mountain with a sign reading “Jade Mountain Academy” across the top with a slogan underneath that said, “We wish you the power of the wings of fire!” Star guessed this was her destination and landed on a hill not far from the entrance. She didn’t want to go in quite yet, for she was nervous. Star took a couple deep breaths and went into the Mountain. There were a couple students in the halls, not many though. Probably because the actual beginning of the semester was on Monday. A Nightwing greeted Star as she walked in.

“Hello! And welcome to Jade Mountain Academy, or JMA for short. I’m FateSpeaker.” The Nightwing said in a very cheery and excited tone.

“Uh, hi. Star, nice to meet you?” Star said, not really used to talking to other dragons.

“Star, Star, Star,...Ah ha! Here you are! You're in the Jade Winglet. Which is down the hall and to the right twice.”

“Thanks.” Star said, and just before she walked down the hall FateSpeaker said, “Wait, here’s your library card, and map of the school. Okay, bye bye!”

Star took the map and a little pouch with the card in it. She began walking down the hall and noticed that everyone’s thoughts were really loud. *Okay, little thingamagigama here. Star inherited mind reading from Moon and Astrion got the visions and stuff. Ok! Toodles!*

Star used the trick her mom showed her and pretended to hear everyone's voices slipping away into raindrops in a storm. Star could still sort of hear them, but it helped quiet down the noise. Star also noticed that she was getting some weird looks. Oh no please don’t tell me they know my- A bright pink blur in her face broke her thought.

“Hi! *Gasp* It’s you again! Hi!” 

Star recognized that voice. It was the pink Rainwing from back home that wanted her mom’s autograph.

“Oh, hey.” Star said, stepping back. 

“I’m Rosey! What’s your name?” Rosey said, excitedly shifting between yellows and shades of pink.

“Star. Nice to uh, meet you.” Star said, trying to evade this giant ball of sunshine.

“Oooh, that’s a pretty name! Does it have a second part? Like the Moon does?” Rosey persisted, shining even brighter pink with a little yellow on the fin-like things on the side of her head. (I don’t know what their called)

“Yeah, um, it’s uh, StarGazer technically, but I like Star.” Star said, being pushed against the wall by Rosey’s energy.  “Ooooh, that’s so pretty! I wish I had a name like that! I would want to be like NightStalker or something cool like that! Hey, where'd she go?” Rosey said, suddenly realizing Star was gone. Star had used the time while she wasn’t paying attention to slip down the hallway and into the room labeled ‘Jade Winglet’. Star sighed when she got in there. Relieved to not have to deal with Rosey anymore. It wasn’t Rosey herself, it was just her mind is really really loud. Inside the cave were several different styles of beds. A hammock, a stone ledge, a very cold looking stone ledge, a heated stone ledge, another ledge covered with leaves, a silk web, a hive looking ledge, a kelp covered ledge, a ledge covered with a thin layer of mud, and a final one that looked quite bumpy and uncomfortable actually. Star decided to take the leaf covered stone ledge, as the hammock was probably for a Rainwing. Star was not very excited at that thought though. That meant she would be staying in the same room with other dragons! Although this mountain was clearly not big enough to have everyone have their own rooms. Star set down her satchel next to her and just laid down for a bit. The bed wasn’t quite as great as the one back home, but it was still comfortable. Star flopped her tail over her snout and just sat and thought for a while.

[1358456]

Top Favorites

So, before I went away, I revealed that Platinum wasn’t my favorite character of all time, and not even my favorite female character of all time. And I later revealed who my top favorite male and female characters were. And I even revealed what my top favorite franchise was as well. So… who are my top 5 favorite male and female characters, and how does the franchise distribution look? 10 characters here... so will there be 10 different series?! ... No. Of course not. Do I even know characters from 10 different series? I'd be real surprised if there were more than 5 different series here.

To keep things relatively simple, I’ll be considering 6 major character aspects for this listing. In no particular order, these are…

Traits: how much I like the character’s personality traits Progress: how much the character had developments/progress Design: how much I like the character’s appearance and outfits Story: how much I like the character’s past and present stories Potential: how much I like the character’s future story potential Prowess: the character’s combat prowess

Here we go. I’ll list the top 5 male characters first, then the female characters. This is a LOOOONG post. After all, even if I put in only 500 words per character, that's still going to be 5000 words. So if I put in 500 - 1000 words per character, and there are 10 characters... oh boy.

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M1: Majima Goro, from Yakuza

Ah yes. Majima Goro, the Mad Dog of Shimano, the Lieutenant Advisor to the Tojo Clan, Patriarch of the Majima Family, and President of Majima Construction.

… Also the manager of Cabaret Grand, manager of Cabaret Club Sunshine, and Sotenbori’s Lord of the Night. … And also known as Gorogorogoro-chan the Sotenbori postcard master, Goromi the hostess of Club Shine, and Hannya-Man the mysterious man in black. Also shows up as Everyone’s Idol Goro and Officer Majima. And as a zombie because why not. And of course, Okita Soji, the Captain of the First Squad of the Shinsengumi. ... Er, Hirayama Goro, the guy who killed the real Okita Soji and then took his name. Whatever. They're all Majima.

It should be no surprise that he’s all the way up here, as he was my top favorite back in 2022.

Traits: The Mad Dog. What’s not to like? He’s an honest madman who does whatever he wants and in a manner that gives him the most fun.

Progress: Technically, Majima has no character development from Yakuza 1 onwards. But he’s SO damn different in Yakuza 0, which is before he snaps. He becomes the Mad Dog at the very end of that game, and thus the legend is born. He went through all the character development ever needed at once.

Design: He’s certainly unique. No one else can rock an attire like that. And he’s unnecessarily handsome.

Story: Ah, his story in Yakuza 0 and Kiwami 2… ow, my heart.

Potential: Unfortunately, at this point, I don’t think there’s anything left to look forward to. The Tojo Clan disbanded in Yakuza 7, and in Yakuza 8, if it takes place in 2023 instead of 2024, then Majima would be 59 years old. It’s time to let him go? Though I guess… if Yakuza Kiwami 3 would exist, there could be something new involving him. Like… Majima Everywhere wasn’t in original Yakuza but it’s there in Yakuza Kiwami. And the whole Majima Construction side game and story wasn’t there in 2 but is there in Kiwami 2, along with a whole Majima Saga.

Prowess: Majima is a beast, capable of obliterating a Yakuza family invasion by himself. “You’re late, Kiryu-chan! I already smeared all of Sengoku’s girls.”

… I wonder what he’s doing now. He appears in Yakuza 8, so I guess I won’t have to wait long.

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M2: Kiryu Kazuma, from Yakuza

Also shouldn’t be a surprise. Kiryu Kazuma, the Dragon of Dojima, the Fourth Chairman of the Tojo Clan, Chairman of the Kiryu Clan, member of Tachibana Real Estate, foreman of Majima Construction, the caretaker of Morning Glory orphanage, and the manager of Cabaret Club Four Shine. No wait, he’s Kazuma-kun, the legend of Kamurocho’s Pocket Circuit racing! No wait, he’s Suzuki Taichi, the Taxi Legend of Nagasu Taxi, and future Daidoji Agent! No wait, he’s a Daidoji Agent, codename: Joryu, the leader of the Joryu Clan! No wait, he’s Joryu-kun, the legend of Sotenbori’s Pocket Circuit racing! No wait, he’s Sakamoto Ryoma, a samurai from Tosa! No wait, he’s Saito Hajime, the Captain of the Third Squad of the Shinsengumi!

… (Yakuza 7 Gaiden:) The Man Who Erased His Name has had many names and monikers throughout the years. He’s even been Judgment Kazzy the Kamurocho postcard master, and Ono Michio the beloved mascot of Onomichi in Hiroshima who does not forgive thugs who make children cry. "If you ever make another kid cry, I will end you."

… I will miss him very much.

Traits: He’s pretty straight forward, a little baffling at times, but that is what makes him the Legendary Dragon. Always dead serious and yet gets into all sorts of comical nonsense. “I thought she wanted “pizza”, but she was really saying “visa”. I’m such an idiot...”

Progress: Honestly, he’s pretty much the same as he was in Yakuza 0 as he is in Yakuza 7 Gaiden. That said, his overall mood and behavior changes from game to game. In 0 he’s determined. In 1 he’s kind of sad. In 2 he appears guilty and in a “take responsibility” attitude. In 3 he’s happy. 4 he’s normal. 5 he’s very frustrated and lonely. 6 he’s pissed. 7 he looks depressed. 7 Gaiden he’s kind of falling apart. And in 8… …

Design: His outfit is iconic now, and his dragon tattoo is amazing. And curiously, that outfit doesn’t look good on anyone else.

Story: His personal story has been pretty big in Yakuza 1, 5, 6, and 7 Gaiden. Even in 0, now that I think of it.

Potential: … Yakuza 8… He has cancer and he seems to be dying. I’m not surprised, given how much he smokes and drinks, but… NOOOOoooo… Yakuza 6’s ending had 6 games’ worth of feels crammed into one ending, and I cried so damn much. 7 Gaiden’s ending was absolutely devastating, with all the feels of 6, plus even more, and I don’t even want to think about how much I cried. And now, 8 will have 9 games’ worth of feels crammed in it. … I am not ready. I will never be ready. But I need that game right now. Hahaha… …

Prowess: He’s the Legendary Dragon who has not lost a fight once. He can even beat multiple tigers in a fight at once! “Wh – What are ya?! Some kinda monster?!”

… I need Kiryu to be happy. And I especially need him and Haruka together again. But… if Kiryu meets Haruka, then he’ll be happy but she won’t be since she’ll get to see him die again. But if the meeting doesn’t happen, then Haruka will live on normally, suspecting that he’s still alive somewhere and waiting for him to return one day, while Kiryu is denied the last possible chance of a reunion. UGH. … Please be happy… No more pain…

AHHHHHHHH-

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M3: Alarak, from Starcraft

Tone shift required. And so here is Alarak, the Highlord of the Tal’darim! The only character in this whole post who's more sadistic than I am! Which is saying something, given the later entries on this post!

Traits: He’s such an asshole. And it’s hilarious. Unlike all the other Protoss characters who are most always formal or speaking in proper manner and are always noble warrior or assassin types, Alarak is… such an asshole. “So tell me. How did the Zerg defeat the mighty Templar? Did they leap up and chew on your starships?” “Is this the best healing you can do?” “Are you finished yet? Or must I keep slaughtering the Zerg here?!” “You are unworthy of conversation.” “I did not invade your ship to make idle chatter!” “Amazing how many different ways you find to waste our time.” “Oh, I did not realize I could be even more powerful.” “For creatures with such short life spans, you humans are always so eager to die.” “Kill them. Slowly. But painfully.” Such a breath of fresh air, really.

Progress: He has no development whatsoever. Which is actually good in its own way. But… no developments.

Design: He looks so condescending even without his condescending tone and speech. The Tal’darim psionics are red for some reason, and it suits him fine.

Story: He does quite a bit in Legacy of the Void campaign. But… it’s Starcraft 2. The story is a disaster anyways, and as an RTS game, the story is pretty irrelevant. So his performance is cool, but… ehn.

Potential: He’s the Highlord of the Tal’darim, the most dangerous faction of the Protoss. So in that aspect, things could involve him, but… again, Starcraft 2 story. It’s… bad.

Prowess: The Tal’darim only cares for combat prowess. Everyone is bound by the Chain of Ascension with the Highlord on top (now that the fallen Xel’naga Amon is gone). In order to climb the Chain of Ascension, the member must invoke the ritual combat of Rak’shir and beat (kill) the one directly above. So being the Highlord of the Tal’darim means that Alarak is the strongest of the entire faction (or is considered as such). In short, he’s probably the strongest or very close to being the strongest Protoss in the story.

Alarak is also fun to use in Starcraft 2’s coop missions. But it’s always his snide smartass comments that pulled him up here. After all, this kind of character is pretty rare.

Vorazun: “You think us fools?” Alarak: “Yes, but that is irrelevant!”

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M4: Kasuga Ichiban, from Yakuza

The hero himself. The new protagonist of the Yakuza series, receiving the torch from Kiryu in Yakuza 7. The man with a Gyarados on his back. Well, it’s a Dragonfish, but that’s what Gyarados is, so…

And I recently found out that the voice actor for Kasuga is the same one for Nishikiyama (Kiryu’s best friend and “brother”) from Yakuza 0 and 1, and now I can’t un-hear it. … So Nishiki had a koi tattoo while Kiryu got a dragon. And now Nishiki’s voice is Kasuga Ichiban, who has a half-dragon half-fish tattoo. … Well, he’s getting there, I guess. Magikarp has become a Gyarados. Still ain’t a dragon.

Traits: So far, Kasuga is like a more reckless and dumber Kiryu, which isn’t… amazing for a “replacement” player character. But unlike Kiryu, Kasuga has certain comical tendencies and is not deadly serious all the time, which makes his substories more amusing than Kiryu’s, which were already damn amusing.

Progress: He’s mellowed out a bit throughout Yakuza 7, which is great.

Design: The afro and eyebrows… ehn… I mean, the afro was a mistake even in the story. “Hey miss… what have you done? This… isn’t a punch perm, isn’t it?!” And his suit colors are the opposite of Kiryu’s style. Kiryu has white/gray suit and pants on the outside and a red dress shirt inside. Kasuga has a red suit and pants on the outside and a white dress shirt inside. So for a brand new character, he kind of mirrors Kiryu a bit too much. So far, anyways. Maybe as time passes he can make his look become iconic.

Story: His story in Yakuza 7 mirrors closely to what Kiryu goes through Yakuza 1. They both lose their father figure and their brother figure. While Kiryu also loses his love interest, long-time yakuza junior, the clan chairman who highly respected him, and even the long-time friend and the owner of his regular bar, thus leaving him broken and all alone with no one to provide emotional support except Haruka (thus her critical importance to him), Kasuga has a pack of friends with him and their banters are great. And all those friends are coming back in 8.

Potential: His legend is just beginning… supposedly. I mean, Yakuza 9 is going to happen at some point. I’m eager to see his epic tale unfold. Hopefully it doesn’t end as sadly as it will for Kiryu. Though it might, if he starts losing his friends one by one. Uh oh.

Prowess: Well, he’s no Majima or Saejima or Kiryu, but he’s still real strong in a fight.

A big part of Kasuga rising in this ranking is because his voice is the same as Nishiki. I guess that’s why in Yakuza 8, when Kiryu sings Judgment, Kasuga is there taking support role.

Because in Yakuza 0, when Kiryu sings Judgment, Nishiki does exactly that. And vice-versa when Nishiki sings it.

... Look how young Kiryu was back in Yakuza 0...

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M5: Fenix, from Starcraft

The oldest character on this list, and almost story-wise too. Fenix is from the original Starcraft, which is from 1998. Compared to Kiryu and Majima who are from Yakuza 1 in 2005. Or Alarak, who debuted in Starcraft 2 Legacy of the Void in 2015. And since Protoss live very long lives, it’s also possible that Fenix is the oldest character here. Only “possible” since I don’t know how old Alarak is.

Raynor: “You sound like a tired old man, Fenix.” Fenix: “Do not let the fact that I am 368 years older than you dull your impression of me, young Raynor. I am still capable of… how do you Terrans say it? “Throw down with the best of them”!” Raynor: “… I stand corrected.”

And also Fenix is the only character on this list who has died, not only once, but twice… and is still around.

Traits: Fenix is a straight forward honorable warrior type, but also a war hungry zealot. “I hunger for battle!” “I am the blade of Artanis!” Whenever I said in the past that I would like a zealot-type character, I always had Fenix in mind. “I fear no enemy, for the Khala is my strength! I fear not death, for our strength is eternal!” “There is no shame in defeat, as long as the spirit is unconquered!” “Come, brothers. Join me in glorious battle!” It’s not common to have such a bloodthirsty zealot type protagonist, so it’s quite refreshing.

Progress: No development whatsoever. Or at least, what little he may have developed got undone in Legacy of the Void.

Design: In Starcraft 1, the hero units have unique portraits, but have the same model as the non-hero variants, but only green in color due to player settings in each campaign map. … Except Kerrigan, who also have unique models for her regular Ghost hero variant and Infested Terran variant. So Fenix was a Zealot hero, so he looked exactly the same as Protoss Zealots. Then he comes back as a Dragoon hero, so he looked exactly the same as Protoss Dragoons. And in Legacy of the Void… that design… is dumb. It’s like a half Zealot, half Dragoon, and it looks baffling. I still don’t know how he thought he was a Dragoon when… well, Dragoon units don’t have arms… or an upper body. So he should’ve known literally right off the bat that he wasn’t a Dragoon when he could turn his head and move his arms. And yet…

Story: Fenix’s participation in Starcraft’s story is pretty important, but… also largely ignored by everyone. But I guess that’s just the nature of an RTS campaign. That said, Fenix’s story in Legacy of the Void is what sparked the creation of my Legacy story. It’s even called Legacy because the critical scene came from Legacy of the Void. More on that later.

Potential: Fenix comes back in a Purifier platform. As in, he’s an AI now who didn’t know that he was an AI. The existential crisis that came from this realization (thanks to Alarak) is again, largely ignored because it’s an RTS campaign. But given the precedent of the other Purifiers… well, there could be something happening. Too bad it won’t happen. But more on this in the female character listing.

Prowess: A battle maniac Protoss warrior? “Strong” would be a huge understatement. “Now is not the time for words, not when glorious battle lies ahead!”

So, Fenix… He’s a normal biological Protoss warrior in charge of defending a city of the home world Aiur from the Zerg. But the city gets overrun and he dies. But because he’s Protoss, his battered body is recovered and like all other Protoss whose dead/dying bodies are recovered, he gets put into a Dragoon shell so he can continue the fight. “I now reside in a cold, metallic shell of a Dragoon.” After all, a Protoss Dragoon is just a life support tank with legs and a phase disruptor cannon. And a Protoss Immortal is just a Dragoon with a big ass turret on top of it, but that’s a Starcraft 2 unit, so Fenix is in a Dragoon shell.

So Fenix comes back as a Dragoon. His voice lines are exactly the same as his Zealot form, but now there’s a faint mechanical tinge to it, which is cool. And then in the Brood War campaign, Kerrigan betrays and kills him.

Fenix dies in Brood War (1998) but no one really mentions him from that point on. Though Raynor does mention him exactly once in Heart of the Swarm (2013). But then Fenix suddenly returns in Legacy of the Void (2015). It turns out, the Protoss had a Purifier project, which cloned the memories and personalities of notable Protoss warriors, essentially creating expendable AI clones of powerful heroes. The project goes awry when the Purifiers revolted and killed everyone on the research station and the planet it’s orbiting around. Because it turns out, if proud honorable warriors were cloned and they don’t realize that they’re AI clones, and then they’re stuffed in robotic shells and then treated like machine servants, they’ll rebel. Who would've thought. So the Purifier project became the forbidden project. But in Legacy of the Void, desperate times called for desperate measures so Hierarch Artanis reactivates the Purifier project and retrieves its data from another research station. And there, he finds Fenix (deactivated), and learns that Fenix had his personality and memories uploaded to the project as ordered before the events of Starcraft 1. “I am a warrior, old friend. You know this as well as any. It is not my place to question the orders of a Judicator.” So the Purifier Fenix has no idea that he’s an AI, and has no recollection of anything from Starcraft 1.

Fenix spends most of the Void campaign realizing that something’s off with his memories, and studies the archives. “These records are fascinating, Artanis. I can hardly believe the stories they contain.” And then Alarak breaks the news to him.

Fenix: “These are lies, Artanis!” Alarak: “Oh I am the liar? Are you not but a lie incarnate? Machine Protoss?”

And shortly afterwards, Fenix discovers records of his own deaths in the archives, and thus the existential crisis happens. “I am not Fenix, but I hold his memories as my own. I need time to make sense of this.” But this is Starcraft 2, and especially Legacy of the Void where the campaign story is… a disaster. The Void campaign story can basically be summarized as “it turns out, the Protoss are absolutely overpowered”. Even the loading screen tooltip hints that. “Protoss units excel at charging into dangerous territory and annihilating all opposition.” So anyways, Fenix’s existential crisis is not focused on, and he gets over it pretty quickly. I guess that suits his personality since he is a very straight forward warrior type.

And so when I played the campaign, I thought this part might be worth exploring and experimenting with in my stories. So I contemplated on which Dex Holder this would impact the most. And since Legacy of the Void came out in late 2015, this was shortly after the Pairing Shift. So the most impactful at the time would’ve been Blue. So in Legacy (as listed in the spoilers), Blue dies but she had her memories and personality uploaded (without her knowledge) and the uploaded data is converted into an AI with a cloned body (K3). And right before the good/bad ending split point, Blue/K3 has an existential crisis, and Red’s decision directly impacts the outcome of the crisis. The good ending mirrors Fenix where Blue accepts her new role (though she won’t get a new name like Purifier Fenix, who renames himself as Talandar). But the bad ending hints at K3 going rampant and seeking revenge, like how the main Purifier faction did. Except K3 doesn’t have access to Protoss weaponry that can glass a planet in seconds.

Which means, Fenix is the only character on this list whose story directly affected the plot of one of my stories. Not even Platinum can do that, since she would be affected by that story, and not be the one to affect it.

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So in summary of the male characters…

And now onto the female characters.

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F1: Sawamura Haruka, from Yakuza

No surprises here, given how I revealed this the last time I was here. Nothing changed since then. If anything, the missed opportunity in 7 Gaiden and the trailer for 8 has only solidified her position. After 8… we’ll see.

Traits: I definitely love Haruka’s character traits. She’s very kindhearted and sweet, but also incredibly hardened. She’s wildly mature beyond her years due to the hardening, and while she might be a bit naïve at times, she’s really not most of the times. “Haruka is not someone who’s blinded by the glory of being an idol.”

Progress: She was 9 when she first appeared in Yakuza 1. She’s 20 in her last appearance of 6. She’s grown up quite a lot. If Yakuza 8 takes place in 2023 instead of 2024, then she’ll be 27. Oh, how much she would have changed…

Design: … Haruka’s regular outfits copy Kiryu’s color scheme. Kiryu wears a white/gray suit and pants with a red dress shirt inside. So Haruka almost always wears a red shirt and a white sweater outside. Even her clothes show how much she wants to be with him. Ow, my heart.

Story: Haruka’s story is big in Yakuza 1, not really big in 2, 3, and 4, and then massive in 5 and 6. The sheer amount of pain caused by her actions in 5… ahh… And in the end of 7 Gaiden, Ayako and Taichi from Morning Glory orphanage find a hidden camera pointed at Kiryu’s grave and think it’s Kiryu watching them from wherever he was hiding. So they give a message to him, which is very sweet but also absolutely devastating, as Kiryu completely breaks down while watching that message. And Ayako and Taichi say they’ll bring Haruka and the others with them tomorrow so they can give him their message. However, the camera is removed by the Daidoji faction so they don’t get a chance. Which means, Kiryu didn’t get to see Haruka again or hear what she had to say. Which both sucks horribly, and also a tremendous relief, since I don’t think Kiryu would be able to withstand hearing her message. As Majima once said, “that girl means more to Kiryu-chan than life itself”. And if Haruka thinks that Kiryu is still alive and that he had faked his death even to her, there’s a chance that she’d be pretty upset about it, and I think Kiryu is afraid of that. Because unlike in Yakuza 5 and 6, Kiryu doesn’t think at all about Haruka in 7 Gaiden, as if he’s avoiding thinking about her. And now, with that in mind…

Potential: So, Haruka kicked her pop idol career out the window in Yakuza 5 (2012) so that she could be with Kiryu. Kiryu immediately got arrested for 4 years after that point, and when he came out, Haruka was in a coma. And when she woke up, Kiryu “dies” in front of her (to prevent anyone else from targeting her in order to get to him) so she never sees him again. Fast forward to Yakuza 8 (2023?), Kiryu has cancer and is dying. And in the bucket list trailer, Haruka’s voice is heard for one line only. “Are you asking me what I would do if I could see Mister again?” … There is no happiness at the end of that dialogue. Only pain. There is literally nothing that she can do or say that would create happiness for anyone. If she’s upset that Kiryu faked his death even to her… ouch. But if she understands that he had his own reasons and thanks him for all the years he looked after her, and wishes him to return when he’s ready (like how Ayako and Taichi said), then… OUCH. One way or another, only pain awaits.

Prowess: Haruka does not fight. Unfortunately. While it would’ve been hilarious if she had picked up a heat move or two from watching Kiryu fight so many times, it would conflict with her character… unless something went horribly wrong… or right. Hehe. The rival idols give Haruka way too much sh*t in Yakuza 5 due to jealousy. So if Haruka was to smash their faces in with an Essence of Might… “You just had bad luck, is all.” Only if… Hmm… I wonder if she can pull off a Komaki Tiger Drop…

As I mentioned before in the past, if I like a character beyond a certain point, their pain hurts me. And at this point… I just want Haruka to be happy. And ever since Yakuza 6’s ending, I don’t know how Haruka is doing, since her face had not appeared on camera. But Ayako and Taichi said that she’s doing okay, so… I guess she’s okay? But at the same time, I need Kiryu to be happy too. In his last days, I’m sure he’d want to see Haruka again. But… if she was to see him again, she’ll just lose him again to cancer. Is there no way for both to be happy in Yakuza 8? … Only doom awaits? Oh no.

… I simultaneously need that game to have come out last month, and also for it to not exist. ... Just a little over a week left to go.

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F2: Platinum Berlitz, from Pokémon Special

… I don’t have another big image of her anymore… Well, I guess she'll just get the short end of the stick here.

Now, I don’t think I need to explain this entry all that much, after all these years. However, since I’m only considering the canon for all these characters, it does nerf Platinum’s preference a bit.

Traits: Of course I really like Platinum’s character traits. But mostly because of…

Progress: Platinum’s immense character development. From cold and distant to warm and super adorable!

Design: … I don’t really like her design though. Of course, that’s not her fault, since her attire is forced upon by the DPPt games’ female player character. That’s the reason why I updated her attire a long time ago in my stories.

Story: Platinum has no backstory to speak of since her memory seems to be have been wiped. But DPPt does sort of revolve around her, even if she ends up not doing anything in the finale. Twice.

Potential: I believe her future potential is what I had worked with for a long time, even if none of that would happen.

Prowess: For someone who just started as a Pokémon Trainer, she is immensely strong. … Her physical prowess is probably nonexistent though.

I don’t quite know whether I like canon Platinum enough so that her pain brings me pain. I know that Platinum in my stories is liked enough for that. But given her nonexistent performance in the finales and the sh*tsack canon team, I kind of doubt it.

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F3: Alice Synthesis Thirty, from Sword Art Online

Hey, speaking of a strong female character who does nothing in the finale twice… Well, Platinum was reading and then simply watching in her finales. Alice was unconscious, and mostly unconscious before being ejected from the world during her finales. … Not sure which is better.

Traits: I like Alice’s traits quite a bit. Especially her speech reminds me of Platinum. But the whole “noble knight” thing… not unique for me. Even then, Alice’s noble warrior type is a lot more interesting than Artanis from Starcraft. That said, Alice goes through quite the change over time. She was a strong and merciless knight before the first wave of truth is dropped on her, at which point she’s kind of broken and shattered. Then she works her way back up, and then the next wave of truth is dropped on her, which breaks her again. And at that point, it’s entirely possible that she’s now vulnerable to depression… just like after the first truth bomb. Let's see how many truth bombs she can take before she's irreparably broken!

Progress: Hmm… Alice’s character development is a bit… odd, I feel. She goes through a lot of changes and ultimately ends very similar to her starting point, just a bit mellow. A lot of distance traveled but very little displacement, if you will.

Design: The knight armor is pretty cool, but it’s mostly a uniform with slight differences. The golden armor is cool though. Reminds me of Protoss Templar’s golden theme.

Story: I really do like her story. She was kidnapped, had her memories wiped, and became an Integrity Knight. … And then has a rather hostile encounter with her childhood friend who she can’t remember, but who most certainly remembers her. Ooh. He kind of dies shortly after so there isn’t a lot of time for guilt and whatnot, which is a shame. But I do love the premise. It would’ve been real interesting if the two got to talk once things settled down. Painful for them both, sure, but amusing for me. Hehehe…

Potential: … And after all that, coming to terms with the fact that she had her memories wiped, and effectively reconciling with her long lost sister who she still can't remember… she’s yanked from that world and the truth is dropped onto her like a bomb again. She’s essentially a human simulation in a simulated world that’s designed for AI development. In essence, she’s an AI without knowing that she was an AI. … So, a proud Integrity Knight, who doesn’t know that she’s an AI, gets stuffed into a robotic shell and finds out that she’s artificial and is now a property of a company. Where have I heard that before? Well, at least Alice doesn’t have access to Protoss weaponry that can glass a planet in seconds. Still though, the doom potential is quite strong in this one. She fought so hard (figuratively) to prove that she wasn’t a puppet that can be toyed with, only to end up in a robotic shell as an AI that’s literally going to be studied and experimented on. Ouch. And that rivalry thing she has going on with Asuna? I’m quite amused, though I’m very sure it’ll end up very poorly for Alice, along with many other things, really. Even the realistic details. A robotic shell isn’t going to have nerves. No feeling of warmth or comfort? I hope she didn’t hope to get married and have kids someday, because that ain’t happening, ever. And most of all, she has no one who could possibly relate to her, or understand what she’s going through. Yikes. … I wonder if at some point she’d go berserk. Hehehe… … Clearly my liking of Alice is not high enough for her pain to hurt me. Let's see how much pain her mind can take before she breaks!

Prowess: I think Alice is the strongest knight canonically? I don’t know. She doesn’t really do much with that power though.

When I first saw Alice’s fate, the first thing that came to mind was the Protoss Purifier faction. But unlike in Starcraft where an individual’s personal stories aren’t exactly focused on except for Kerrigan, Alice’s fate can actually be explored. It’s a different question if it WILL be explored, but hey. “I am not a puppet!” … But that sure seems to be her fate, to be experimented on as an AI until she’s discarded and replaced by a new AI model. And worst of all, Alice herself had no say in anything that happened to her. It was an accident that caused her to break the “law”, which got her kidnapped. It wasn’t her choice to become an Integrity Knight, as it was truly forced upon her. And it certainly wasn’t her choice to be pulled out of her world and into the real world as an AI. So she’s been a puppet bound to the wills of someone else her entire life.

Also, in a strange boon to Alice’s preference ranking… I quite like the name “Alice”. But it’s for quite the strange reason. As a “mathie”, I’ve seen and solved more math problems in Grade 10 alone than what most people would see in their entire lives. And for whatever reason, in a math word problem, if a character is to be represented with a variable “A”, that character’s name is more often than not, Alice. “A” is for Alice, “B” is for Bob, “C” is usually Charlie, and then it’s pretty random from that point on. So the first female name for the letter A that comes to mind is Alice. That’s also why in that old “Ideal Dex Holder” post, I gave the theoretical character the name Alice.

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F4: Asada Shino/Sinon, from Sword Art Online

Hey, sniper rifle! I mean… … Okay. She’s on here mostly because her character most resembles my go-to style for any shooter game. There’s something about doing a ton of damage from afar that strikes my preference. I guess that’s why my favorite Starcraft unit is the Protoss Tempest, a long range aerial siege unit that sucks absolute ass after all those nerfs. … There was a brief but glorious moment when a Tempest’s attack range covered half the map, which… definitely warranted a nerf because that is admittedly freaking ridiculous. Not that it ever did a lot of damage, for balance reasons. Though I’m sure lore-wise, a Tempest would be able to one-shot a city…

A Protoss Tempest is almost a kilometer long. So that is a big ass death ball of energy it shoots to attack. ... What do you mean it doesn't one-shot a Marine? And it doesn't do splash damage? What the f-

Anyways…

Traits: I do like her cold exterior that shows a lot of cracks. Understandable too. I think a huge part of why Sinon is up here is because she’s a sniper with a lot of understandable vulnerabilities on the verge of shattering. So she puts up a good façade, but she’s breaking. Kind of like Blue, except she does a lot better job than Sinon.

Progress: And that icy exterior comes shattering by the end as her trauma is steadily overcome, which is awesome. I especially like how in any game that takes place before her trauma is overcome, she’s really cold and distant and quiet. But afterwards, she talks a lot more, reacts a lot more, and so on. Kind of reminds me of Platinum in that aspect.

Design: Sniper rifle. … I mean… The Solus attire is pretty cool though. Those floating blades look like a massive pain in the ass that’ll bump into anything and everything, but that attire is one of a very limited few with a blatant asymmetry that I tolerate.

Story: … Strangely, I think Sinon is quite possibly the first and only character in this post who actually killed a human being. At least, as far as I’m aware, since I don’t know if Alarak or Fenix killed any Terrans themselves. Alarak does participate in repelling the Terran Mobius Corps' boarding of the Spear of Adun, and Fenix is in that one Brood War mission where you face Terran while he’s there, but it's unclear what Alarak even did since it happens off screen, and you can keep Fenix away from combat, so… hmm… And anyone in a simulated world could not possibly have killed any human beings by definition. Anyways, Sinon’s backstory and the resulting trauma and her attempts to overcome it… very good! Although… who the f*ck robs a post office with a gun? And Sinon had to shoot him three times to kill him. What a deranged madman. ... Then again, so are all the other bad guys in this series. They're all just insane lunatics, and not in wild, fun, and harmless-to-civilians ways like Majima.

Potential: Unfortunately, now that her trauma is sorted, she’s basically just “another one” in the group. And there are a lot of those. Not a lot to look forward to. The only ranged support, sure, but as a character… Unless that trauma relapses… ... What if she's the one to get shot this time outside the games? Hmm... Nah, that's not that entertaining. Sinon needs to watch someone else get shot, and someone very close too. Now that would be entertaining... for me.

Prowess: She’s a sniper. Snipers don’t really do much by themselves with no support. She needs a tank or a front-line fighter to draw the attention of enemies in order for her to deal critical damage. Just like a Protoss Tempest. Does nothing by itself. You need like 30 supply of Tempests to do anything valuable, but that costs a lot and that also means you don’t have enough supply of everything else so the main army gets overrun and-

… I feel like I mentioned more Starcraft than Sinon in this entry. Well, Starcraft is my favorite franchise for a reason. It’s everywhere.

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F5: Eydis Synthesis Ten, from Sword Art Online

Hey, this is the one character who I barely know who still made it up here! It either shows how much I liked certain aspects of her, or how few female characters I know about that I care about. Or both. Remember that my preference for canon Pokémon Special female Dex Holders is not that high for most of them. That said, Blue almost made it here.

I think Eydis is a game-only character and thus technically non-canon? I don’t know how that works. And I honestly don’t care. Eydis is up here for one reason only, and that is her story and the sheer amount of doom potential it contains. Like, if I wrote for SAO instead of Pokémon Special, she would be my main victim, instead of Blue in SA – Destiny era. I’m not counting Black & White since they’ve only been receiving one-time doom (as opposed to story-wide doom) due to their pairing and the Light Stone incident. I mean, the latter is not my fault in the slightest. And it certainly wasn’t my fault that he was in that thing for… how many days was it? Like 1600?

And also… another character who’s missing an eye. 3/10 characters on this post have an eye missing. Even my profile picture is missing an eye these days! Though Alice gets hers back, and I think Eydis gets hers back too. … Majima ain’t getting his eye back though.

Not after that.

Traits: I don’t know Eydis all too well, but what tidbits I gleamed are okay, I guess. She’s bright and bubbly, and a little teasing. But she also has a real dark side. Honestly reminded me a lot of pre-FRLG Blue. She also seems to be very calm and collected? So that's nice.

Progress: If I don’t know her character traits all too well, I certainly won’t know her character development, or if there even was any.

Design: Not a huge fan of her hairstyle, though her knight armor variant is pretty cool. And I quite like her hair and expression change when she went berserk…

Story: Doom and pain. Pain for her, entertainment for me. … That didn’t sound nice… So. Eydis breaks the “law” to provide for her crippled beloved younger sister since no one else can, and as a result, she got kidnapped, had her memories wiped, and turned into an Integrity Knight. And at some point, her memories were released and she goes berserk, completely losing her mind and self as she demands to see “her” again, even if she doesn’t remember who that is. And after overcoming that shenanigans which she has no recollection of, she subconsciously longs for a younger sister figure so much that she latches onto Alice when she comes along a long time later. Integrity Knights had their age frozen so who knows how old Eydis is and how long she had to deal with that longing. But that’s a lot of pain that she doesn’t remember. Such a deliciously doomed past. Hehehe… I think I’ve made something like that with Platinum. So it’s a nice reminder.

Potential: So, if Eydis was kidnapped while caring for her crippled sister… what happened to that sister? And how long ago was this? Wouldn’t that sister have died a long time ago? Ooh. And so, her soul longed for a younger sister so much that she latched onto Alice. But of course, Alice got taken away for that AI project. So Eydis loses another sister figure (who wasn’t that close to her though). Ooh! And Eydis still doesn’t remember her actual sister who may or may not have died a long ass time ago. What happens if her old memory seal leaks and she goes berserk again? Last time, she was with someone strong enough to restrain her if necessary. But Eydis is the strongest knight now. If she goes berserk… OOH! And how would she react if she found out that the reason why she keeps looking for younger sister figures is because her subconscious dearly misses her actual sister who may or may not be dead? Hehe. I once wrote a backstory chapter for Platinum that's very reminiscent of this. Of course, I wrote that chapter years before I found out about Eydis, so that was a nice reminder indeed. Such a delicious doom potential! Even if there’s a high likelihood that I don’t know enough to accurately measure the tragic past and potential, it’s certainly entertaining enough to warrant her being up here! … Down here, I guess, since she’s the last entry.

Prowess: So… canonically, Alice is the strongest knight, but… Eydis is the strongest non-canon? … Whatever. It doesn’t matter who’s strongest. All that matters is that Eydis is a powerhouse of a fighter. “Careful. Despite how she looks, she’s monstrously strong.” Sure. Also, I think Eydis’s combat style is the Tennen Rishin style that select Shinsengumi Captains use in Yakuza Ishin. I recognize that style even in other games since it was actually a plot point. And also… Eydis’s sword can’t be blocked? It just phases through the defender’s weapon? Well that’s not very fair. It’s like melee-fighting a Protoss warrior whose psi/warp blades tear through everything with no resistance except other psi/warp blades. In the lore, the only way for non-Protoss to beat a Protoss warrior in melee combat is to either throw so many bodies at them that they end up tripping over the pile of corpses (Zealot vs. Zergling), or simply have a body so big that the Protoss blades aren’t long enough to pierce vital parts (Zealot vs. Ultralisk). I wonder if that's Eydis's weakness too. Either flood her with so many enemies that she eventually trips over their corpses, or attack her with a dude/creature so damn big that her sword isn't long enough.

Looking back, I believe Eydis is the only character on this list who has gone berserk at some point. Which is certainly unique and probably has something to do with why she's on this listing. I do love it when characters lose themselves for whatever reason, whether that’d be tragedy, fit of rage, or mind alteration. Ram-page! Ram-page! Ram-page!

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So in summary of the female characters…

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So, out of 10 characters listed, 4 are from Yakuza, 3 are from Sword Art Online, 2 are from Starcraft, and 1 is from Pokémon Special. Nice triangular number form-

Now, if Starcraft is my top favorite franchise of all time, and Yakuza is my third, does that mean SAO is my second, given how 3/5 top favorite female characters are from there? … No. SAO is one of those series that I don’t like that much (as in, not a big positive) for a variety of reasons, but I do really like the characters (well, some of them). And also, I mentioned that my second favorite franchise also has nostalgia, as I remember playing a game from that franchise that came out in 1998. I don’t think SAO is remotely old enough for that… Right?

As it turns out, I can like a series without liking the characters all that much, and vice versa. And for games, a good story is not necessary. Look at Starcraft, my top favorite franchise. None of the main characters (Raynor, Kerrigan, Artanis, Nova, Zeratul) made it remotely close on my listing, and the story is crap. … Nova Covert Ops had a decent story though, with cool implications. For once. But still, I really like that franchise because… well, nothing in-game. I just love the game, especially watching pro matches. ASL, GSL, Ultimate Battles, Major Pro Leagues, etc. And my second favorite franchise is also like that. None of its characters will ever make it onto my Preference ranking, the story is also rather irrelevant, it’s a single player game so no pro matches, but I do so love the games.

And curiously, the two characters on this list who sings Get to the Top are both on the top of their respective lists. ... I guess they got to the top.

[nickgerlich]

Looking Into The Crystal Ball

There are more than three months on the calendar remaining until Christmas, and analysts are already making predictions about the most important aspect of the holiday: How much money we spend. Because—you know—any religious significance takes a back seat.

And the forecast, while in the positive direction at least, is not anything to write home about. Auditing and consulting firm Deloitte predicts that sales will increase by only 3.5% to 4.6%. While that may sound impressive, recall that the current rate of inflation is roughly 3.7%, and rising oil prices are bound to make it inch higher.That’s another way of saying that holiday retail, once accounting for inflation, will likely be flat compared to last year. And last year’s increase was 7.6%, at a time when inflation was running at about 8%. In other words, last year was flat as well.

And if sales are flat, it signals that consumers are not all that confident about their economic situation. In fact, “flat” means they are actually buying less overall compared to two years ago, yet spending roughly the same in inflated dollars. Gift recipients either received less in material items or gift card gifts, or—worst-case scenario—old Uncle Joe didn’t get anything.

There is one eyebrow-raising prediction, and this one is not bad in terms of the economy. It might cause BAM retailers to be a little more nervous, though, because the e-commerce component of holiday sales is predicted to jump between 10.3% and 12.8%, to the tune of total online sales somewhere between $278 billion and $284 billion. This one component is growing faster than the rate of inflation, meaning it is worth watching.

I did the math. Deloitte predicts that e-commerce will account for about 18% of all retail sales this coming holiday season. Nearly one in five dollars. Well, I might be bringing up that prediction, because I suspect that least 80% of my holiday spend will be online, but that’s because I hate crowds and love convenience.

Of course, it may be just a little bit early to be making any kind of predictions. We all know from watching The Weather Channel that forecasts are educated guesses based on models that, no matter how good they are, still come packed with error terms. Look at the “cone of uncertainty” for any hurricane prediction, and you will see that it fans out steadily the farther out you go, which is usually only a week at most. Now remember that this holiday forecast is for more than 90 days out.

While I respect professionals like Deloitte, and am certainly not one to besmirch anyone with training and experience, the “cone” for holiday sales predictions may be a little too narrow. Too many things could cause sales to plummet, or grow. For example, if oil were to top $100 a barrel, that would mean an average national gasoline price over $4 a gallon. That would then cause prices of anything else that is delivered to retailers and to our homes to jump as well.

Furthermore, since labor and talent strikes are the new black, consider how little (if any) gifts those people will be buying if they are still striking in three months. For example, while the current UAW strike is technically only going on at three factories, if union bosses put all 146,000 members on the picket line, those people will only be earning $500 a week from the UAW strike fund. That’s not enough to pay even the most basic of monthly bills, like mortgage, car payment, and food.

Retail always hopes for good weather, because sunshine and mild temps mean we are likely to venture out more times, and the more we venture out, the more we might spend. Snowstorms keep us home and/or shopping online. Even restaurateurs and movie theaters like all that good weather, because we are likely to couple shopping with dining and entertainment.

But don’t ask me or anyone just yet what our spending mood might be like in 90 days. My mood today may not be the same mood I have come winter. Just like the three-month weather forecast I just saw on The Weather Channel is very promising, calling for significantly warmer than normal temps across much of the nation, there is no guarantee we’ll be running around in flip-flops here in Amarillo come Thanksgiving. Maybe, but probably not, to be honest. I’ve seen some pretty bad snows here in November, so I know it can happen. It’s just too early, and too many current predictors need to stay constant.

Ah, but it is fun anyway to extend the regression line into the future. I am guilty as much as the Deloitte people are. I studied more statistics than most people. I also know that once you get out too far, those models are about as good as the palm reader down the street.

Meanwhile, start pondering your holiday gift-giving list, and if you see any bargains come up in the coming weeks, grab them. That’s the real beauty of looking ahead, because if you wait until December to shop, you might just find yourself backed into a corner with no extra money to spend.That’s my prediction, and I’m sticking to it.

Dr “Making My List And Checking It Twice” Gerlich

Audio Blog

[hwu-adventures-blog]

LOOONG Rant incoming:

You know the thing that’s struck me now I’m not 16 in 2015 anymore and playing HWU (despite not realising Hunt was a serious dating option until 2017 ish) and reflecting back on it now I’m an adult and having gone through uni myself? is that I’ve realised how much of an arsehole Hunt could actually be to his students and the mc as a professor.

I mean I still ship the hell out of him and my Hollywood U mc Maddie Jenkins (she’s also my HSS prime mc- due to events in her backstory which I’ll explain in a different post) and I mean they are literally my Pixelberry OTP and I like Hunt as a character because he is so complex but my word was he a massive pratt.

Also looking back on it by rewatching old vids on YouTube of the dates and some quest lines that allude to the dating aspect, I don’t really like how Pixelberry handled or wrote the whole relationship angle of his dates. I know this was technically a kids/teen app and 2015 was a different time (PLL was massive which probably and correct me if I’m wrong influenced the decision to have Hunt as a date a little) but Hunt is literally dating his student and there’s not more discussion on this point.

They do mention Hunt/mc is a bad idea initially in the game (like the whole ‘this is a bad idea, stop this delusion’ thing is most of Hunt’s whole shtick for like four of the dates) and sure the mc is a consenting adult and actively pursuing him, not the other way round, BUT they never address the power imbalance properly or explain WHY it’s a bad idea beyond ‘he’s your professor’. Pryia Singh mentions Hunt’s been too harsh on the mc’s grades and it’s immediately fixed and brushed over. It’s also mentioned no resources were abused in their relationship in the board meeting which is kinda true but yet they still write in the mc literally snogging Hunt on his desk, which IS a university RESOURCE.

Also I just feel like even after Hunt & mc were given the all okay I guess, they wouldn’t be kissing or touching in hallways or anything that openly during school hours especially since there are other students around who could be uncomfortable by it and I also feel that the peers reaction shouldn’t be all sunshine and roses (again I am aware this is a lighthearted game and they want players to feel encouraged) to the relationship. There should have been more concern for the mc, more questions, more skeptical opinions from Addison or Ethan. They only briefly made Hunt mention the looks and gossip from students/professors in the quest Headhunter (Headhunted? I don’t recall what the quest was called) if I remember correctly.

Also don’t get me started on the dating timeline mess! Pixelberry had no idea what they were doing with that clearly 😂

Sorry for the rant, anyway this has now made me decide to rewrite and rework the Hunt/Maddie lore (they’ll still be together, happily, it’s just the situation is more difficult and complicated) even harder, and I’m going to be rectifying Pixelberry’s awful writing and handling of the Hunt relationship on top of that in the fics and lore drops.

[howling-goldendemon]

This is the messages I sent to a discord server and just copied here to clean up the chat from my lore dump, if you're here is because either you got interested in the lore dump or just Tumblr algorithm I guess.

— Redesign of my OC Antonio, now with 20% more depression!

- Oh no! Why’s he depression?!? 😭😭

(Lore dump incoming!!)

He lost a lot of people to bad luck and external stuff.

Long story short, all his best friends from college died, including his wife and kids.

And other stuff including law and the defense he hired actually being the killer and pinning the blame on Antonio's only kid that stayed alive.

And the defense was one of his friends, but he wasn't technically the killer because he was possessed by the demon of another friend.

Esteban, the kid, was blamed for that because his location was unknown during the crime but when he came home he was greeted to that scene, he actually saw the killer do the act but was scared and just ran, accidentally creating footprints, and when he ran away he accidentally stumbled into a Mafia Boss and got adopted.

Back to the case, pinning the blame backfired as that became the reason why a few years later Esteban took revenge and made the classic murder mystery during party scenario but the killer already escaped so it's just everyone doubting everyone.

But then the spirits of the friends who passed away way before decided to unite and boost the will to live of Thomas(the lawyer) to "break the loop", basically forcing him to become a beast, which in short words is the punishment for refusing death:becoming a humanoid fluffy weird creature, only getting back to human form by completing the thing you refused to die for.

So that reason that they boosted for Thomas to live was to see Antonio smile again, quite corny but works I guess.

I am aware I am writing too much text but I'm almost done with this.

So, remember the whole "break the loop" thingy?

Well that's because this edgy tragedy novela has happened before, it isn't clear how many times, but at least 5 times has it happened.

I actually am working on the other tragedies because I want them to be somewhat different.

Anyways, this time, the loop is going to repeat again, but the spirits of the ones who made more damage to their time found a way to appear to Esteban, the "Antonio" of his generation.

You may ask: "Why does this happen so much? Can't they just use logic and common sense to avoid this drama?"

Well, remember the demon I mentioned in this message? (referring to earlier)

Let's get into detail into Alan Beckett but make it as short as possible.

His parents made a deal with a demon, the classic "been trying to get pegragate but failing" stuff, the deal was in short words to let him mess with the kid's abilities.

So he was born with a strange vision, being able to see the defects of people physically, his sister seeing the good in everyone physically.

This evolved into him becoming sad and edgy and his sister becoming a ray of sunshine(not literally, she's still alive).

Anyways, the demon got a special bond to Alan, basically deciding to become sort of what looked like split personality but really wasn't.

Anyways, this evolved into the demon making Alan be the bad apple of his era, not going into detail because it's too heavy.

This ended up in him taking out 3-5 of the friend group.

Including Alan himself.

Anyways I'm trying to make it shortER———————

That demon is always in charge of repeating the loop just for fun, making sure that everything turns to a tragedy by making deals with mortals using their weaknesses.

So that's how it happens.

And then now Esteban is the "Antonio" of his generation of tragedy, soon to be visited by the demon to make the deal to doom this generation.

This makes the souls of the previous generation's evil to unite forces and get Esteban to refuse the deal, thus breaking the loop because the demon swore on the first deal to stop once he was told "No".

IamsosorryifitooktoomuchspacehereboutIdon'tactuallygetanyopportunitytosharethestoryivebeenbuildingforthepast5yearsandIamdesperatetoshareitwiththeworldbuttooshytoactuallyjustcomeuptosomeoneandsay"Heywannahearthemostabdolutelymessedupstuffyoulleverhearinyourlife?"Againimsosorry

[digitallovergirl]

　　A CHEERLEADER AND A FOOTBALLER, HOW CLICHÉ!

🏉 . . . Football player! Jason Grace x Cheerleader! Reader

in which: Sports have always brought the two of you guys together.

authors note: y'all should really be thanking pookie @chqsing-annabcth because she's the whole reason you guys keep on getting these cute little fics. anyways, I don't have much to say except for this one is a little shorter than what I would usually do ( cough, cough, writers block ) so hopefully you guys still enjoy.

warnings: literally none

If you were being honest, dating Jason wasn't originally apart of the plan.

It's not like there was anything wrong with the dude, more like the opposite. He was loved by all of the students, teacher, and the lunch ladies, and still found a way to act like he wasn't special. You found it to be really sweet, but so did everybody else. You'd known the dude for longer, and yet you didn't know if you had a chance. Everybody wanted him, and that made you feel a lot more doubtful.

But to your surprise, Jason was the one to ask you out. In a very cheesy, Lin-Manuel Miranda would be proud type way. It went like this: He randomly pulled you aside, gave you a bouquet of flowers and a pair of headphones on your head. What was it playing? Puppy Princess by Hot Freaks. It took you a second to realize what he was implying, but lets just say you were glad he was as cheesy as he was.

Ever since then? it went from everybody loves Jason to everybody loves you and Jason. Sure, some people found the cheerleader and the football player being together was a little stereotypical, but that was the only thing they could say. The two of you were too adorable together for anyone to hate on you guys.

Though, lets set a new scene: The day of your two year anniversary. Jason and the other boys on the Football team have a game today. Not that you minded spending your and Jason's special day on the field, but you wondered what you could do to make the day a little more special. Maybe Jason would take you out after the game? you weren't sure.

But right now you and your fellow cheerleader were doing what normal cheerleaders do: cheer on the players. I mean, that was in the job description. Even though you'd rather not admit it, you were a little tired. You'd been yelling, clapping, and stomping your feet onto the ground for a good few hours now and all you really wanted to do was crash into your bed. But the game was almost over, so the best thing you could do is wait. it would all be over at some point, right?

Well, you may or may not have spaced out for a little too long because by the type you looked around again, your school's student section was cheering. Did you seriously just space out so hard that you missed your school winning? maybe. not that you really cared, though, that just meant you and Jason got to do you thing.

And when I say thing, I don't mean something sexual. I mean one of the drop-dead wholesome things in the world. Instead of celebrating with his teammates, he would always run up to you and hug you. Sometimes, depending on how good the game was, he would even spin you around. It was the type of thing you looked forward to after one of the games.

And like you expected, your sunshine boy of a boyfriend walked up to you: helmet off and a smile on his face. "Hey, Blondie." you joked as he finally got close enough to you to hug you.

"Hi, baby." he mumbled as he nuzzled his head into the crook of your neck. It was an awkward position for him to be in, but he could care less. "Guess how many touchdowns I got." Jason said out of nowhere.

"Mmm.. like, three?" you guessed.

"Six."

"Well, I mean, three Times two is six so technically I was close." You shrugged, causing Jason to laugh. He moved from the position he was original in and wrapped his arms around you waist.

"Oh! happy annv—" before you could finish your sentence, Jason placed a kiss onto your lips and finished it for you.

"Happy anniversary. I would take you out but I'd rather take you home instead." He smiled, the scar on his lip twitching when he did. "Take me home then." you smiled. "and take a shower. the smell is smelling right now."

"You didn't even have to do me like that."

[sgt-mark-smith]

Gang we have to talk about Manaaki and Cissy, spoilers and talk about s*xuality under the cut.

So first off, let me just talk about what I like about the Manaaki/Cissy storyline, because there’s quite a bit.

First off, can we get an A in chat for interracial relationships? I don’t know what the racial politics are like in New Zealand, but here in the US, you still can barely get away with an interracial relationship in a piece of media, and the pair usually aren’t allowed to get anything close to a happy ending.

And I really like that Cissy in particular was allowed to, like, want him. And to try and make moves on him, even if her family and friends (can you call Violet a friend?) mock her for it. I love how much she clearly likes being sexual with him.

I love that, after Manaaki comes back to the Smith house after Harry’s death, it’s Cissy who lights up his world and makes him smile. I love how much they clearly like each other’s company (as opposed to Some Other Couples on this show), and how much the show seems to approve of their being together - look at this scene in the garden! Look how they’re framed in all this beautiful light, look how Cissy’s costume complements the flowers!

Best of all, I love the way the scene in the bedroom takes a lot of trouble to let both of them make the active choice to say ‘yes, I want this.’ It’s like this perfectly choreographed little dance where at every turn one of them chooses to escalate just a little further. I love how the scene shows them as equally vulnerable, and how tenderly they handle each other. I love everything about the performances of both Freya Milner and Alex Tarrant, and I don’t care how much the intimacy coordinator was paid, she deserves to have it doubled. Tripled, even.

And now for the things I ... don’t love as much.

I really, really wish Cissy didn’t look and feel and act so very young. I’m not saying that she should’ve been invulnerable to men like Guy Featherstone, that she should’ve known everything about life, that she shouldn’t be allowed to make dumb mistakes, yada yada. In essence, my complaint is not with the writing or even the casting choices, but the directorial and/or acting ones. Freya performs a lot of Cissy’s scenes like everything is flying over her head, and I don’t know if this was a directorial request or her choice, but the end result made me feel like I was looking at a fifteen-year-old figuring out life ... which then made it viscerally uncomfortable to watch her unbutton her shirt and basically say ‘do me.’

Which makes the pregnancy arc just that much more ick. I don’t like that this show chose to have Cissy’s one sexual encounter, with her one brown paramour of all people, end up as an unwed pregnancy that permanently alters the course of her life. And sure, I guess it only takes one time, but come on show, you don’t have to take every single opportunity to be an afterschool special! And to make it just a little worse, the show doesn’t technically tell us whether or not Manaaki ever came back to at the very least co-parent the baby, and considering that Manaaki’s own father walked out, I don’t love the implications. Again, I don’t know the media conventions or racial politics of New Zealand, but here in the US, absent brown fathers are a stereotype resting on some really nasty racism.

Well, there you have it. Me and my complex feelings on Manaaki and Cissy (though I very much wish I could just like it and move on).

EDIT: all right well. One other thing I don’t love, and it’s purely a taste thing. I personally like ships where I can believe the partners can meaningfully communicate and share vulnerable parts of themselves. I do appreciate that Cissy is like Manaaki’s sunshine in the middle of a storm, but it very much feels like any mention of his myriad traumas, or even his religious background and inclinations, would be met with a blank, doe-eyed stare from her. And I know he initially finds her chatter endearing and a welcome distraction, but he seems like eventually he’d just become the kind of partner who’d tune her out, and I think she deserves rather better than that.

I dunno, their “cute contrast” energy feels more like the top layer of a pretty fundamental mismatch, and it’s not really to my taste.

(Not to mention she doesn’t seem inclined to call him on his sexism!)

EDIT 2: Maybe I'm being hypercritical but ... on like my fifth rewatch of this show I'm not sure that he likes her nearly as much as she likes him. He smiles when he's around her, which is really nice because he's at the peak of his War Trauma, and I stand by what I said about their garden scene and their bedroom scene. But the episode as a whole spends its Manaaki runtime bouncing him back and forth like a ping-pong ball. The emotional whiplash is jarring!

Its like ... he's back at the house, and Cissy surprises everyone in bright pink, and he immediately runs away. Then it's Cissy cheering him up after the photograph. Then OMG Detective Blaine is here to interrogate, plus bawling his eyes out on Mrs. Smith's shoulder. Then it's 'oh let's have a nice picnic with Cissy!' Then it's OMG the detective's back and there's more trauma! Then it's makeout time with Cissy. Then it's 'I'm going back to the war front, I don't feel like I should be around regular people,' running away from her yet again! My God.

And to make it worse, Manaaki is literally sitting in what used to be Harry's room, looking at a photo of Harry, when Cissy comes in to check on him. Again, I love that bedroom scene in a bottle, but paired with the literal frames before that and the scene they have after, it's all pretty bleak in the final count.

And like. Again with the pregnancy, but like. While I get the feeling that the people making this show hoped they were gonna get another season, they ultimately didn't. So technically we have no answer as to whether Manaaki ever fucking owned up to basically throwing Cissy away, let alone if he stepped up as a father. And considering he was still in the army, that seems unlikely to happen before the end of the war.