#the third ending
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OCTOBER READS 📚
Another productive reading month for me! Manhua/Manhwa binge again and for those who are interested in what titles I tried, then this is the post for you. I don’t know what the next months will bring but I wanna get back to reading novels… we will see how that goes. for now, I just feel thankful that these works are out in the world for people to enjoy ^^
• The Tyrant Prince’s Last Promise ( Chapter 74 ; Ongoing )
Adapted from the novel, “the wife is first” so I see why there are alot of people following the manhua. Jing Shao ( MC ) is a prince who is good at battles and was made to marry a male concubine Han ( ML ). He didn’t treat him well for years but Han stayed by his side even if he was sentenced to death and was accused of so many things. Right before they died, he promised to treat Han better.


So his wish gets granted and he goes back to their wedding night. Then the whole story focuses on their relationship and how Jing Shao pays his dues and tries to be the best husband for Han. He also tries to make different decisions to prevent him from falling from grace like before. This story is just so fluffy and sweet <3 and i love their chibi versions! ☺️☺️☺️ I might read the novel to see where it goes but i have to say it’s a standard trope — and i will never get tired of it.
Guilty Affection ( Chapter 47 ; Ongoing )
Esper/Guide trope but this one is more problematic. LOL. The MC, Han Yoonjae is an undocumented Esper and living his life as a normal person. There is some mystery from his past because you can tell that he is strong but decided to leave his life as an Esper. Then here comes the ML, Cha Minhyung. A popular & strong guide who comes to his life and offers to be his guide and make his life better. These two have a shared past and the story tries to uncover that. Also what will happen to Yoonjae and his power. I really like his power, and I understand why he will be someone that everyone will want to control. The relationship between them is not really the “romance” type but more co-dependence and lots of smut.
Crushing Jade & Catching Pearls Chapter 51 ; Ongoing
This one is very unique, I have never read something with this plot. It is modern era, but the MC/ML both work as apprentices for an old art of sculpting. Tho the ML ( Ding Hanbai ) is much older and is more accomplished in the field. It’s really more of the relationship between the MC & ML and less “romance” so far. I feel like some people will find it boring, but there is something about it that draws me to it. and it doesn’t hurt that the art is pretty. Ding Hanbai starts off as an asshole who bullies the MC Ji Zhenzhu — but then they slowly become closer. The MC who is the goodest boy with puppy energy melts Ding Hanbai’s heart 💕
No arguing with Mr.Mo Chapter 71 ; Ongoing
The trope of Mr. Cold hearted CEO who is actually a simp for the MC is not new and I usually like it — I often root for the MC and hope they get together. But in this one, I find myself liking the ML ( Mr.Mo ) waaaay more than the MC. To the point that I don’t think the MC deserves Mr.Mo at all. I get that Xiao Nuo have some trauma and baggage of his own but his drama over nothing just irritates me. Mr.Mo is straightforward and clear with his intentions, but MC takes advantage of him, willingly or not, is not my cup of tea.
I won’t be continuing on, or if i do, maybe it’s to see Mr. Mo’s panels.
Hard Boiled Love Chapter 93 ; Ongoing
I only finished up until Chapter 40 cause I felt like there is nothing else for me as a reader to see, plot-wise. I could be wrong but maybe I will pick it up again when i’m in the mood. This is popular, and i understand why, the trope is catchy : Rich kid and his Bodyguard, then add BDSM into the mix. Boom! There is just no way that people will not click and read. It is a good read and enjoyable but I wasn’t in the headspace for that type of smut, the interaction of the MC/ML tho are sweet!!!! 💕
What captured me tho is the ML. Hwayoung Yoon. He is a lovable psychopath. He gave off so much Hisoka vibes ( from the anime hunterxhunter if you didn’t know ) and this type of character would do so well if done in live action. How he seems to be this sweet boy that his family dotes on but is secretly a sadistic bastard. I mean, look at him as a kid:


A master manipulator.
The MC too, Gyuwon, is well written. He is an ex mercenary who really wants to be someone’s sub ( in a sense ) but he doesn’t think that will happen because of how he looks. People have expectations of how he should be but lo and behold, he meets the fucked up Hwayoung. 😂😂😂 it’s more light and funny considering the subject — they could make the plot really dark, so i’m glad they didn’t.
Campus Trap Chapter 24; Ongoing
AHHHHHHHHHH! My new favorite. The omegaverse hoe in me is screaming! 🤍 too bad there are only a few chapters out. I honestly want to read the novel which is already completed but i’m still trying to figure out how to navigate korean sites. The plot of the story may seem dramatic to some, because it’s all about the MC (Chaewoo) who is an Omega and trying to make ends meet. He was once this kid who lived a pampered life but things changed and now he is a struggling student. One day, his Uncle, told him about the concept of a reset partner, which is kinda like a surrogate. So a dominant omega like him will be a surrogate to a rich dominant Alpha. He agrees and finds out that the Alpha is someone he goes to school with — Mister popular, Euigeon. It doesn’t help he doesn’t like the guy and Chaewoo is even jealous of his “success” cause he feels like he will be the same way if unfortunate events didn’t happen to him.
I LOVE IT. I LOVE THEM. The campus setting and the two being music students is also a bonus, it’s only beginning to be explored and I wanna see more. They have great chemistry and the way I squealed during the car scene. 😱😱😱 it’s also the type of story where I can’t wait for the ML to fall for the MC. I’m reading about Euigeon being this arrogant bitch to Chaewoo and i’m like— can’t wait to see you fall head over heels and regret your actions. It’s nothing abusive, if anything, I feel like his actions are reasonable cause he doesn’t want to make their relationship complicated. It’s supposed to be a business transaction. I wanna know more about ML too cause i’m sure he has so many issues that caused him to be this way. I have spoiled myself a by reading comments on the novel but i will surely keep an eye out on this till it’s completion.
Miss you, Lucifer 15 chapters ; Completed
A short Manhwa that is full of uwu and love! 🥹🥹🥹

If you want something to lift your mood up then this is the best pick. Honestly! It had everything: romance, comedy, angst and some plot in there even if it’s only 15 chapters. The premise is an “idol” from a boy group that’s not popular x A-list actor pairing. I don’t wanna spoil too much cause it’s better to just dive into it, and like i said, it’s not that long.
Business as Unusual 15 Chapters ; Completed
Another short one that I enjoyed. 💕
Tho i’m not a believer of getting back together with your ex. Lol. That’s the story here. MC/ML were a thing back in college and because of a misunderstanding they “broke up”. Years later, they meet again as office mates and rekindle their romance. I’m happy for the characters because they had a second chance at love and are now at a better place to stay together.
Considering the length of this, there was one scene that really stuck with me. The two are walking on the street late at night and ML is chasing the MC, he wants to talk but the MC won’t listen so he shouts:
“HEY! MY FIRST LOVE KIM MINJUN!” 🗣️🗣️🗣️
It’s so funny considering why it was said, to get someone’s attention — but also so romantic. It is like a scene in a k-drama.
Tied To You 64 Chapters ; Completed
I feel so lucky that I found this title in it’s completion cause i would absolutely go nuts if I had to wait, to find out what’s gonna happen next. As soon as I started, I couldn’t stop and took me 5 hours to finish the whole thing. So worth it. This kind of Manhwa is the reason why I keep reading, hoping that I will find something like this. It’s really something special. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
the synopsis is as follows:
It’s only sleeping together while holding hands, nothing else. That’s what Shin Wooseo tells himself when a red ring that ties a person to their soulmate appears on his finger one day. Once two people get tied by the ring, they cannot fall asleep unless they’re physically together. However, his destined partner isn’t his long-term friend and secret crush, Kang Jiseok, but rather his older brother, Kang Jigeon! And so starts the tragedy of loving one brother but having to share beds with the other. Although, it might not entirely be a tragedy, as Kang Jigeon doesn’t seem so disappointed about being tied to his younger brother’s best friend…
I don’t usually go for love triangle tropes, but this one is not really that kind of love triangle. The strength of this Manhwa is the storytelling. Every panel & interactions served a purpose. As a reader, you are pulled in and can’t help but want to know more. I also appreciated that we can see the perspectives of 3 different people, but moreso on the MC/ML. I liked the concept of “love” that was portrayed too — it’s something that you have to work and fight for. It’s a conscious choice and not all sweet gestures.
Now i wanna spotlight the ML, KANG JIGEON 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 If I was to rank my fave MLs from all the stuff I read, he would easily be in the Top 10. He is manipulative but in the best way because all he does is for Wooseo to pay more attention to him. I have to say that he ultimately sets up the “scene” but most of the time the choice is still with Wooseo. His devotion is very real and his approach to fighting for his love is ( to me personally ) admirable! GO GET YOUR BOY! I’m not even mad at him.


I’ve been wanting to read a character like him, a chaotic good if you will, and that’s probably why this made such an impact on me. It was hilarious seeing the comments of readers in the early chapters being sus about Jigeon and thinking he is gonna be an asshole ML. In the middle, they were confused whether to love or hate him and the schemes. Towards the end, everyone was cheering for Jigeon and applauding him. Lol. I guess he was successful in making the readers fall in love too. ❤️
The King and Me Chapter 36; Ongoing
The story is very unique, atleast to me, cause I haven’t read anything set in Ancient Egypt + Time travel. There is also some heavy plot aside from the romance and every character here is just beautiful and badass!!!! The first few chapters broke my heart. I swear. It was effective in setting up the MC’s quest and why he is so stubborn when he goes back in time. What he is after is so important. 💪🏼

I adore the MC (Zhang Li)!!! He is so smart and determined to find out the truth about his “Rocky” and the tyrant king. His circumstances are not the best, but he tries to adapt and is not some love sick fool. Even if the main reason that he is there is because of love. This story is still in it’s early stages and I feel like it could easily go up to 150++ chapters because of the plot and well, the progression of MC/ML relationship. It’s also a slowburn so if that’s your thing, you would enjoy this.
Manhattan Romance Chapter 40; Ongoing
This reads like the kind of novel set in a specific city, in this case, NY, and two people meet each other and fall in love. Of course there are challenges and issues between the characters and their environment but the central story is their relationship. I think people who will read this would want to be the MC (Hyeon), in a way, all because of how much the ML (Luwan) dotes on him. Hyeon has his own issues and he is a precious bean that is too good for this world! I’m so happy that Luwan is the person who “caught” him and not some toxic shit. Let them live in their penthouse and be happy, Let Hyeon paint more masterpieces and the two of them to travel the world. ❤️
Ordinary life of a Universal Guide Chapter 61; Completed
Because i’m a sucker for esper/guide universe I had to pick it up. There is really nothing “special” with the plot, it’s the usual for the trope. My comments sounds like i hated it or something lol but the truth is — it’s alright. I picked this up after reading really good ones ( tied to you & the king and me ) so this was an in between read. I can’t always be that lucky.
The Third Ending Chapter 67; Completed
OMG how do I even begin to describe this perfection. I’ve been seeing this on other people’s list but for some reason I kept putting it off. Funny how I always manage to “start” reading something really good just before bedtime — which delays the “sleeping” I should be doing 😂😂😂
First of all, I love the art. It reminds me of Omega Complex that was so pretty so that helped a lot. 🫶🏼

Synopsis:
Suh Yoonseul has had life easy—everyone likes him, he’s good at his job, basically everything has always worked out as smooth as butter. However, there’s something that brings all of his good luck down, and it’s the infrequent dreams he has of Kang Joon. Who knew that rejecting a guy once would hang so heavy on your life? To make things worse, after he runs into Joon the dreams keep on coming daily. At his wit’s end, Yoonseul takes some advice from a friend so that he can free himself from this jinx. It’s simple. Make Kang Joon think that he’s a nice person. That can’t be hard, right?
Yoonseul is one of my favorite MCs. He’s a chronic people pleaser and has this perfect facade that he presents to everyone. So when he remembers being mean ( showing his true self ) back in high school to someone who confessed to him — he can’t let it go. It was so fun to see him suffer when it comes to winning Joonie over ( AHHHHHH Joonie is the most precious and can do no wrong!!! ) because tbh his intentions weren’t good. He is selfish. The entire season 1 was such a treat. Seeing their relationship progress and I— I don’t wanna spoil anymore but this could easily be a kdrama. There was that scene in the snow. AHHHHH! I was screaming while reading it! Lol. Season 2 is sweeter and more on fluff, by that time, you’re already so invested on them that you don’t care about any plot. Personally, what I loved about this is their mutual obsession towards each other. I’m a fan of that. I like tropes that are about “fated pairs” or something similar.
Between the Lines Chapter 20 ; ongoing
Not gonna say too much about this and I encourage people to wait for more chapters but it has a solid start. The MC/ML are both likable. Especially the MC. The premise is also hilarious, cause MC is a bl writer who is having a writer’s block and needs an inspiration for his protagonist. Here comes ML, who acts like Mr.Perfect ( but he isn’t ) and inspires him. There is so much more going on here that I feel like will be explored more as the story progresses so i’ll definitely come back to it.
Necromancer Survival 79 chapters ; 2 seasons completed and s3 is TBA
I had no idea what was in store for me when I decided to pick this up. I have a thing for necromancers and this one has the whole “dungeons” concept to it so I was down. But like — this probably ruined every other story for me. In a good way. Now I want a plot-heavy type of story with the romance as a bonus only. All I’ve been reading so are heavy on the romance & relationship, this has that element too but you get really invested with the plot.

Synopsis:
When the weak and unconfident Choi Yikyung first found out that he was a user, he thought he had finally hit the jackpot. In Yikyung’s mind, Necromancy seemed like the ultimate mix of cool and interesting. Back then, he had no idea that the Necromancer class was the weakest of them all! But as Yikyung enters the newly reopened Tower of Spirits in search of enhancement materials, he is sucked into a mysterious area of the dungeon where he encounters a frightening corpse. “Ding!” A quest window pops up, and it says… “You have made a pact with Seo Dawon, a vengeful spirit.” When tackling quests, it doesn’t hurt to have a companion or two, especially if one of them is the spirit of an ultra powerful and handsome young man. After all, “it’s dangerous to go alone”!
Don’t let the art fool you. It’s not some bright and shiny story. I made the mistake of thinking it’s gonna be some g rated adventure story lol It’s literally a necromancer whose goal is to make a master/slave pact with all the members of a dead team. He has to fulfill their wishes and help them get their revenge— which means killing a lot of people. It comes with a price, because every summoning is making him weaker in some aspects. Also no one knows what the true power of a necromancer is so whatever it is he’s doing — they don’t know what will happen to him in the long run. I freakin love the concept and how it’s mixed in with the romance. Is Seo Dawon only attracted to Yikyung because he is his master or are these real feelings? How will this relationship even work when one of them is Dead? A huge bonus too are how likable the other characters are. Especially Jung Garam!!! 🫶🏼
I hope the Manhwa continues cause I wanna see them get that revenge! 💪🏼 I wanna know too if Yikyung’s power will allow him to resurrect people and if so, what’s the payment?
I see lots of comments that say this adaptation does not live up to the novel & source material. Which i get it — a Manhwa will have restrictions, especially on the themes. The novels seems more gruesome and explicit ( not the sexual kind ) which usually has to be toned down for a Manhwa to get a license. Plus from what I can tell, the Novel is like 500 chapters ++ with a concept so niche and is for a specific type of reader. So yeah… I’m not sure if I will pick up the novel. I don’t have that urge yet, tho I am very interested in the censored scenes and if it’s really as dark as people are saying it is. I have a feeling it’s right up my alley. && I read some comments that Yikyung gets more dangerous as the story progresses ( getting corrupted by the summoning and the practice of necromancy ). I’m very curious! 👀
If anyones decided to read this, lemme know what you think. 💕
Black Mirror Chapter 64 ; Completed
This is the perfect spooky + sexy read for the season we’re in right now. From the first page down to the end, I can’t stop reading and wanting to know what happens next. It perfectly captures that eerie feeling, even if there are a lot of explicit scenes, it’s still there. The author really planned this well and the artist perfectly executed it. I don’t explain more because it’s best to go into this blind and experience the story for yourself. Highly recommend ✨✨
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See you all next month ^^ & feel free to recommend me some titles! 💕
#danmei novels#novel recommendation#novel recs#danmei recs#mlm recs#accio victuuri reads#black mirror#necromancer survival#between the lines#the third ending#the ordinary life of a universal guide#manhattan romance#the king and me#tied to you#business as usual#miss you lucifer#campus trap#hard boiled love#no arguing with mr mo#crushing jade and catching pearls#guilty affection#the tyrant prince’s last promise#manhua recs#manhwa recs
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Aren't they the sweetest!
♡
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#bl manga#bl manhwa#yaoi#list#honey bear#the insatiable man#the third ending#i became the lousy side top
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#the third ending#the third ending manhwa#manhwa#manhwa The Third Ending#third ending#idk what else to say
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I read The Third Ending over the last two nights and ended up bawling like a baby. It was so, so good. I didn't like Seulie at the beginning, but by the end I adore his little soft yandere self. Joonie is a forever cinnamon roll that must be protected at all costs. All in all? New fave unlocked!
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Holly berries!
#another one for the winter sticker sheet im making :3#tho in the end it'll just have 2 pieces instead of 3 btw :C#could not figure out how to fit the third one aughhh >_< T_T#dragons#dragon art#holly#fantasy art#art#inks#artists on tumblr#fantasy illustration#dragon#berries#winter
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Scratches an itch
Sweet Spot

Tropes: Childhood to enemies to lovers, secret crush, tsundere (times 2!)
Fun enemies (sort of)-to-lovers romance between the star ace pitcher of the baseball team and his seemingly annoying team mascot, whom he discovers to be way more than meets the eye. This is a fun, lighthearted read; and I always enjoy when sports manhwas dedicate time to draw and explain the technical aspects of the sport - it's just good world-building. I think that tsundere characters are difficult to write because you run the risk of overselling the hostility and animosity leading to the subsequent romance being unrealistic. Having said that, the tsundere plot-line here was very well-written. You can tell right from the start that they had a silent attraction towards each other and there is a softness to their interactions together, and so you can't help but root for them. My main gripe is that the season 2 translations were not the best, the story and plot was rather predictable and the ending was rushed with no side stories. Still it was an enjoyable read even the second time round.
Unromantic Romance

Tropes: alpha-omega, tsundere, golden-retriever type, grumpy-sunshine
Romance story between an alpha golden-retriever type university student and the omega CEO heir to one of the biggest companies in the country. All set in a parallel universe where alphas are second-class and omegas are strong, powerful and run the world. The best part about this story is the shift in the alpha-omega dynamics. Instead of the powerful tsundere alpha that you would typically get in such stories, you now have a powerful tsundere omega and the wide-eyed golden-retriever student chasing after him is now an alpha. This change felt refreshing and new and so the relationship between the characters felt all the more interesting. The characters are well-developed and charming so you really want to root for them. The tsundere powerful omega was written well. However, apart from the flip in the script, I felt that the rest of the plot was quite predictable and over-done (I feel like I have read many manhwas with similar storylines). The climax felt long and drawn-out and I found myself skimming through to get to the resolution. The art style is not something I prefer although I guess that depends on your taste. Overall it was a nice, fluffy read with an interesting premise but nothing else really stood out.
Third Ending



Tropes: Childhood love, unrequited love, chasing arc
A seemingly perfect guy living his perfect life, is suddenly forced to face the one jinx from his past, which developed into a lot more than he expected. This manhwa truly gives me mixed feelings. On one hand, I absolutely adore it. I love the characters, they’re funny and very lovable. The plot is cute, the climax was quite well-written with a satisfying chasing arc. And the art is completely breath-taking (as exemplified in the snowy picture above which is one of my favourite scenes of all time). It is a simple, feel-good, fluffy read that I can always go back to. But, that’s really all there is to it, which is also why I struggle to rank this any higher. While the characters are very lovable, they are also one-dimensional. There’s not much complexity or layers to them. Their backstories are cute but again, doesn’t add much to building their personalities. The relationship between the 2 characters had so much potential to be interesting because there were major flaws that led to significant conflicts. It was finally a glimpse into the imperfections of the characters. But then, I felt that this was not explored enough, superficial at best, and the conflicts resolved rather quickly as well. Side characters were fun but didn’t add to the story or world-building. There really is much to be desired, but I do still love this manhwa and how it never fails to make me smile whenever I read it.
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a few chapters into sunrise on the reaping and the conclusion I’m coming to is that while katniss keeps *a lot* to herself, 16 year-old haymitch was a chronic oversharer. he dropped in ONE chapter more of the entire district’s lore than she did in 3 books
#while they’re similar in some of their actions katniss tries to conceal so much what she feels that she ends up hiding it even from herself#while haymitch is much more open and honest to himself in this sense#which is also interesting when you compare it to tbosas’s narration in third-person#because (as many people must have already stated) snow lies so much he can’t even be trusted to tell his own story#idk I just find it interesting how even the way the story is told is a sign of how she shapes the characters#haymitch abernathy#sunrise on the reaping#sotr spoilers#thg sotr#katniss everdeen#the hunger games trilogy#the hunger games#catching fire#mockingjay#suzanne collins
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Happy one year anniversary ISAT! To celebrate I wanted to share the lil strips I made for my friends when they reached the end of the game! They're all meant to be snippets of life post game and a glimpse into the world I'm making for Loop.
#isat#in stars and time#in stars and time spoilers#so to explain the last two strips#loop makes a third wish in their head about how they want to know what the future holds for them#and that flashes them to the change god who also did not see that coming#the change god and loop chat a bit and the last strip is the tail end of the conversation: a fun tip that loop can look human again#the starry curtain and faint hand is meant to be the Universe but not as an actual deity just as a stand in image for an unstoppable force#like yknow the hand that crafts the wishes#and reminder for loop that the universe is always there watching and its time to get back to the world stage#what do they do next???? maybe ill share my thoughts later#the draws
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misunderstandings part 2
#For those who asked for a second part#Everything gets worse and worse#I will probably make a third part with a happy ending#call of duty#call of duty modern warfare#cod mw2#ghost call of duty#john soap mactavish#simon ghost riley#ghost cod#ghostsoap#soapghost#soap cod#cod
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gideon & harrow OR rd and sf as cowboys please please please
It's the cowgirl necro and her gunslinger cav! Who is so damn extra she's got three guns: one left, one right, and one in pole position! (She swears the ladies love it!)
#You just KNOW gideons makes tons of these 'is that a gun or are you just happy to see me' jokes#She holds the third gun in her mouth#looking so damn stupid but grinning like shes the coolest lmao#how are you even going to shoot girl#also: the paint has to get onto the skin somehow#hmm. lot to think about...#that was such a fun prompt dear ! I ended up enjoying this waaaaay too much <3#gideon nav#harrowhark nonagesimus#I'm not gonna tag it griddlehark but in my mind this IS griddlehark - because this outfit would make Harrow go insane lmao#not that she'd ever let griddle take one step outside looking like that if we're talking serious#but it's a look - a look I LOVE#tlt#the locked tomb#my art#requests
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seo yoonseul really is the standard *sobs* manifesting my own yoonseul plsssss universe hear me out T^T
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Enjoyed everyone's comments on the last one so much, here's another.
#poll#okay third times the charm i messed this up twice#prev is the person who posted/replogged this so it ended up on your dash#can you all tell i'm from canada? probably
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"Yeah keep talking" I'M CRYING LMAOO THIS IS SO COLD, WHAT AN UNBOTHERED KING IOSHFIOZEHFOZEP
Dude was trying to humiliate him and he got served right
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house tour :)
bonus art, lossy versions of the first 2 gifs
#ask to tag#unreality#flash warning#art#gif#photomanipulation#ganbreeder#<- for the creatures in the first 2 gifs#horror#surrealism#liminal spaces#weirdcore#creatures#i ended up using the non-lossy versions bc they were better for the effect i wanted#+ i wanted the last one specifically to look like it was corrupting the camera kinda like radiation#but thought id still include the lossy versions cuz theyre neat#the third gif is based off a reoccuring thing from my dreams#some sort of bright white object usually a big orb or disk#that you cant look at directly bc its so bright. its like a welding arc#you can usually touch or move it#it doesnt turn red like that in the dream or glitch out the camera tho thats just for the spooky#well the glitchyness is more bc the non-lossy version compressed the gif badly#so i figured id just play into the compression effect and make it fit the mood better#honestly turned out much cooler. limitations in art etc etc
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these days when you close your eyes, what else do you want but to be loved in a warm and permanent way. the open soft hand, the lowered voice, the blanket around your shoulders. you want to be loved like hot chocolate, like spring flowers, like dawn. you want to go to sleep protected and wake up fully rested. you want the wounds in you to matter, you want someone who is patient around your scars.
how greedy. these days when you look around, how many little ways are you assaulted by the notion that it's wrong to need others. individualism! capitalism! bootstraps! every time you try to language it, you need to cover up your desire into a carefully-worded soundbite: of course no single person can fulfill every need and we must invest in communities and i must be responsible for my own mental health and
but the yawning in you doesn't understand logic or sound or reason. it only sees sundays, only sees what you do-not-have, only sees the look others share and that you so desire. sick with dread at it, sick at how it makes you want, how you yearn in no direction.
no matter how many people you take with you to bed, no matter how many hands touch the tattoo you share with your sibling, no matter how many times you kneel with your knees bleeding. always, the ache that never stops chewing, the desperate sick loneliness that never quite abates. it never stops humming, i need i need i need. you burn your inner child for warmth and scatter the ashes into your morning coffee.
so you shut up and you load your life like shotgun shells and you try to make yourself whole in the way that others are whole. you let your father's words spill out of your mouth. you make a quick joke rather than tear your heart open. you sing into the mic and go home with stars in your eyes. your life is beautiful and you're lucky! you have everything a person can need!
but it would be nice, is the thing. to have a love that feels like peace.
#spilled ink#warm up#this started as one thing and ended up being . destiel . what is wrong with me recently#in fairness it's because i wanted to write about how capitalism is ruining romance and#how the internet makes people feel ''greedy'' for their basic human instinct for connection -#one most of us cannot access right now bc there are virtually no third spaces -#but then i was like. wow dean should have really had a tumblr.
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