#Where Is Cheap Golf Shoes

[possumcollege]

Man, every episode is Columbo Vs Society.

One of my favorite things about Columbo is that damn near every murderer is a rich dickhead who believes, wholeheartedly, that their status will protect them from consequences. They flatter him, insult him, threaten him, they call his superiors, one literally IS his superior, and one tries to kill his wife with poison marmalade, but he just Columbos along. He plays dumb, he feeds their ego, he gasses them up, and makes them mad. He plays the part his suspect believes him to be because he knows their fatal flaw is the confidence that they're smarter, better connected, more powerful than everyone else. Columbo is class warfare in an adorably ridiculous package.

In a world where people unironically flounce about in feathery nightgowns and call board meetings in giant, purple muffin-hats, he shuffles and creeps, smelling like cheap tobacco, chili, and hard boiled eggs. His pockets contain evidence and actual trash. he's Hobocop. He has to bring his big beautiful stupid dog to work when his wife can't watch him. He solves murders while doing the shopping for dinner. He annoys the piss out of high-society influencers with stories about his wife or his terminally cheap French car. He asks what they paid for their shoes then asks if they know where he can get a similar pair for less money. Of course they don't know! They are literally angry that he suggests they might! He pops up like a comeuppance gopher in their homes, their golf courses, their offices, their clubs, at dinner, their lairs to bother them into submission.

It's wish fulfillment for a society where the richest people just get to live in these bubbles of privilege that only really pop when they run afoul of another, more powerful bubble or commit atrocities so egregious or nakedly evil that the state risks tipping their hand by not prosecuting them. Accountability in America is a system where you can only impose responsibility on others if you hold equal or greater power. Colombo is a classic Funny Little Man in that universe, a trickster who uses his skills to overwhelm that cultural armor and say, "Ha-ha, motherfucker! You're rich but I'm magic and I can make you eat your own tail in front of everyone."

When a suspect tries to frame some "poor bastard" (™️ JOMT podcast) Columbo dismisses the low hanging fruit so casually that the murderer has to make an absolute ass of themselves to press the issue, either committing additional criminal blunders or tipping their hand by going over Columbo's head within the police department.

Who among us doesn't wish that we could walk up to the person who tried to burn us by complaining to our manager and be like, "Hey, I heard you did that, but my boss knows I'm solid as hell, so fuck you, go to prison for murder."

The murderer is almost always someone in an undeserved position of power, wielding their status as a shield against the natural consequences of being a shit. Columbo's job is to goober his way past their defenses long enough to burst out of their chest like a blue- collar nightmare.

Multiple suspected outright tell him, "I want you to stop investigating me because I'm too important."

He just shrugs, flashes an impish grin, and says, "No."

I also appreciate that Columbo does research, asks sincere questions, consults experts, conducts cute experiments. They don't even have to be good experiments because the murderers are pompous idiots who aren't smart enough not to fuck with the radio presets in their victim's car. He frequently admits that he doesn't understand shit, which in my estimation, makes him a vastly better character than 90% of all TV investigators. He isn't just stubborn, or obsessive, he's curious. I identify with his numerous, onscreen, "Wait, I'm an idiot. Time to step back and unfuck this mess" moments. American police are chronically incapable of self criticism and it bums me out. That's what good investigators need to be able to do. Maybe with the help of a superintelligent child and his robot, idk.

Watch enough episodes and it's pretty clear that his methods wouldn't hold up in most courts, but that's not the point. The point is, Columbo: Italian Gnome Detective is so good at reading opulent shitbirds and the desperately powerful that by the final scene, he'll have them so wrapped up in their own self-incriminating bullshit that they know they're caught, often caught so hard they end up confessing in a melodramatic fashion.

That's a lot of the change I'd like to see in the world. To see the rich and powerful, who let's be clear, are not much better than Columbo villains at hiding very real crimes, having to face the same legal reality the rest of us are subject to. Having more unarmed cops who are willing to give normal folk the benefit of a doubt in favor of taking down the amoral ruling class would be lovely too.

Which, is why I always say the only good cops are either horses or Columbo.

The Many Conflicts of Columbo

[tednorton4]

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Legendary shoes are available to everyone

Whether you’re into sports, music, or fashion, there are shoes for everyone in St. Petersburg. From upscale outlet malls to local outlets, there are deals that will make you smile.

In 1983, Reebok introduced the Reebok Classic, a style that helped to ignite a sneaker culture. Hip-hop DJs, MCs, and breakdancing artists embraced this shoe. But it was the South Bronx’s pioneering graffiti artists who made them iconic.

To celebrate the 30-year anniversary of the Reebok Classic, Tampa artist duo Illsol (Tony Krol and Michelle Sawyer) teamed up with Omar Ghanem, owner of Burn Rubber Sneaker Boutique, to create an exhibit called “Classics” that included 19 pairs of white Reebok shoes transformed by a range of graffiti artists who were at the forefront of full train bombing in that era. The list includes legendary street artists Cope 2, Blade, and Terrible T-Kid 170, as well as contemporary legends like Lady Pink.

With such a broad scope of art, the shoes are not only collectable, but they also represent a unique perspective on art. Having a mix of subcultures represented in one piece of work is a great way to broaden your horizons and encourage others to explore different worlds.

Buy NIKE AIR FORCE 1 sneakers

The Nike Air Force 1 is one of the most iconic sneakers of all time. Designed by Bruce Kilgore, it was launched in 1982 and became a staple of sportswear culture. Featuring a unique design, these shoes were praised for their comfortable fit and high performance.

Originally released in low and high tops, the sneaker gained popularity amongst the hip-hop community as well. Its comfy fit and sleek design made it a streetwear icon that could up your game on the court or in the streets.

Its traction was revolutionary as the first basketball shoe to feature Nike Air technology. Using pressurized air in a flexible bag, the technology enabled a tough yet flexible shoe that could be worn during sports or everyday activities.

For its 35th anniversary, the Nike Air Force 1 was reworked by five creatives including Travis Scott, Don C, Acronym, Kareem 'Biggs' Burke and Off White designer Virgil Abloh. They reworked the classic white on white colourway in a range of different styles.

The Nike Air Force 1s were also spotted on the feet of lead character Jax Teller in the FX series Sons of Anarchy. The AF1s were branded with the phrase “Jax Wears Air Force 1’s” and were a constant presence throughout the show.

[blusterb8]

The Wealthy, Smug, Straight Young College Prep Needed An Attitude Change

He hated Cigars and claimed he never smoked. Finally he surrendered and started smoking. His pretty mouth was being prepared. Those perfect white teeth would need to be worked on. He was a jock and played tennis and golf. His smoking would interfere with that. But it was necessary to break down his pride He needed to learn more obedience. He always wore traditional upper class sports and designer clothes including expensive polished shoes with tassels. He was forced to take off his shoes and socks and walk barefoot through the country club and university where he attended. Wearing his polo shirt and khakis. He was stared at and laughed at. But he had no choice.

Next he will be forced to trade his polo shirts for cheap muscle tank tops and his preppy haircut will be shaved to stubble as his upper class identity continues to be dismantled

[serpentinesheldonserpentine]

What the heck happened to air travel?

Today I am using my WayBack Machine to reminisce about days when air travel was an event, an occasion to look forward to.

My first flight was as a four year old. As you’d figure, Mom helped me pick out my clothes, a ‘casual’ look of blue blazer, white shirt, (clip-on)tie, gray slacks, polished shoes. We all sat and talked quietly; at midflight my dad introduced himself to a flight attendant and mentioned his work for the FAA. Could his son meet the Captain?

Sure, of course and she escorted me to the cockpit where I was the guest of the crew until we began our descent to Miami airport. I returned to my seat alone, proudly wearing my Junior Captain’s Wings on my blazer.

No kidding. It was about 1960.

Unlike today. Flying today is a series of indignities, one after the other that appear designed to test our ability to hold our tongues and our fists of rage. From a government security staff of recent parolees dressed in uniforms lifted from the Nixon White House (sans the braids) and behaving like bouncers guarding the champagne room at a strip club to the open contempt of the flight staff toward customers, air travel remains an event, but one only a masochist can anticipate with glee.

I’ll be direct. I loathe these motherfuckers, every fucking one of them. Oh, and the passengers? Sweet Jesus I had a seatmate ( a citizen, born of citizens) ask me as we approached Philadelphia if “Philadelphia is its own State?” I told him it was part of Delaware. That satisfied him and I feigned sleep avoiding the “what is a Delaware” follow up. It's part of Maryland for those of you from California.

But it’s not all grim. If you travel for work, negotiate for First Class travel for every trip scheduled for 4 hours or longer. Covid changed everything at work, so you have a better shot at this upgrade then you might imagine, and while better seats won’t improve the screening and boarding process, you’ll find them useful when your flight circles Detroit for an hour because of bad weather. It gives you time to stretch out and ask yourself “why the fuck am I going to Detroit?” and weightier questions like “why did Barry Sanders retire so young” and “was Sanders the best ever?”.

If you have flexible working conditions why not drive to your appointment? This is the greatest country in the world and cranking up a bigass SUV from Hertz is a fine way to get around. I have friends to visit this summer and I’ll check into work from the road and enjoy driving at $1500 a month with free miles. Free miles. As in no charge. In a big ‘Murican made SUV with plenty of room for luggage, golf clubs, untaxed cigarettes, cheap hooch, you name it.

See you on the Interstate.

[merakiclosed]

The third mystery book

》Pairing: Mystery Shack Worker!Chan x Reader 

》Genre: Fluff, mystery au 

》Summary: Visiting Gravity Falls once again, you see Chan again that you have had a crush on since last summer. However, neither of you expected to find something like this...

》Word count: 1.4k

》Notes/Warnings: None. I am sorry this is so bad ahhh😅

This is part of my collab with @woozisnoots​ which is here. Make sure to check all of the writers!!! 

🦦🦦🦦🦦🦦

The baby blue sky is littered with white, puffy clouds that radiate joy, ready to travel across the atmosphere as the sun warms your skin. The forest floor is woven with ancient tree roots, speckles of light that filter through the canopy light up the familiar trail. You wonder how many hues of green there are alone in a single tree as they stretch upwards towards the light. Gravity Falls always has this magical aura surrounding it, full of mysteries ready to be discovered. It felt like a breath of fresh air compared to being in the city. It was freeing, not being bombarded by the crowded streets, nor feeling small under the buildings that tower over you. 

You know you’re at your destination when you see the two totem poles that rise from the ground, multiple designs carved into the wood. At the very top owls sit, splashed with colour that decorates them bright and bold.

The floor vibrates as the sound of screaming comes from behind you, causing you to stop your steps to turn around. The white golf cart speeds towards you, two unrecognisable people sitting in the front, waving their arms as they get closer. Your eyes widen as you run out of the way, the cart rushing past you as the two boys scream, the cart swaying side to side as they refuse to slow down, getting closer to the mystery shack before they disappear around the back. Shaking your head, you go back onto the path where the tire tracks are not indented into the mud. At least you won’t get lost now. 

As you get closer, you see the multiple wooden signs that are planted into the soil; messages such as ‘no refunds’, ‘mystery shack this way’. Your worn out shoes lead you on the path towards the familiar shack where the wooden planks hold it together and the roof sits high and pointy. 

The bell on the door rings as you step through, the old flooring creaking under your feet. A smile makes its way onto your face unconsciously as you look around at all of the souvenirs that are set up, all random and mismatched. You missed this. The inconsistency of things, how everything is so unexpected. Looking around, you find that it’s empty apart from you and you wonder if the boy from last year still works here. 

Voices are muffled by the door but you still jump when the door is swung open and the bell rings aggressively. Two boys stand there, muddy and hair windswept as they practically shout at one another, “no that was your fault!” 

“Uhm excuse me? I had to drive that stupid thing thank you very much!” 

A cough comes from the door on the other side of the shack, from next to you, “Soonyoung, Dokyeom what are you doing? Why do you look like that?” he whines, walking closer to the boys who are quite a bit taller than him. The shorter boy continues to talk whilst you make eye contact with the one with purple hair makes eye contact with you, a small smirk making its way onto his face. As you look closer at them, you begin to release that they seem vaguely familiar. Disregarding how the younger boy continues to berate them, your voice speaks without our permission, “Soonyoung? Dokyeom?”  

All three boys look at you in shock, and you can’t help but stare back at the very very familiar shorter boy, “Chan?” you question. 

Soonyoung laughs as he bound over to you, muddy footprints staining the wooden floor as he gets closer to you and shaking you by your shoulders, “Y/n!!! You came again! Has it already been one year??” his voice gets higher pitched as he speaks. In the corner of your eye you see Dokyeom follow him as he wraps his arms around, both of them inabiliying you to move, “It doesn’t feel like a year. Chan here wouldn’t stop talking about you. Oh, how I wish y/n was here. Oh why can’t she live here, or what about if I move there” Dokyeom mimics Chan's voice in your ear, his sunshine smile never leaving his face. 

Chan’s ears bloom a reddish hue as he smiles embarrassedly, waving at you. When the bell rings for the third time, all four of you watch as a short young man walks in, his black hair falling in front of his eyes. You watch as Hoshi’s eyes widen as an even wider smile makes its way onto his face as he sets his eyes on the boy that walks in. Squished in between the two boys you hear Dokyeom aggressively whisper, “Look, Hoshi I know you’re going through your boyfriend phase but calm down, you’re going to scare the poor boy away.” 

You smile awkwardly as the young boy's eyes fall on all four of you, confusion written on his face. You notice the way he lingers his eyes on Hoshi for a little longer before you're dragged along by someone holding onto your shirt, making both of the boy's arms fall from you, though they are both too busy whispering. 

Turning around, you find the suspect who dragged you away. “Sorry for that, Hoshi has a crush on the boy that walks in, Jihoon I think it is.” Chan says, whilst scratching the back of his neck, his eyes avoiding yours. 

“Anyways, I was wondering if you wanted to go on a - uh. Uhm da-walk with me?” He stutters over his words as you drown out the noise of the three behind you. A bright smile makes its way on your face at his words, you’ve had a crush on him since last year, when you came. You didn’t think you’d see him again, so of course you were going to take every chance you get. 

Nodding, you grab his fidgeting hands in yours, “I would love to go on a walk with you.”

🦦🦦🦦🦦🦦

Multiple stands line the forest floor, each with bright colours that reflect the shimmering light of the sun as it starts to set. With only a handful of people, it feels like it’s just you and Chan as you look around the fair; a pretzel in the shape of a question mark in your hand. 

A familiar face catches your eyes, “Is that gruncle stan?” you ask, pointing to where he stands next to one of the fair games, trying to encourage people to come and play. “Yeah, the game is rigged so no one can play.” You laugh a little, remembering how cheap he is.  

His hand brushes up against yours, before you grab his hand in yours, not wanting to let this opportunity go to waste. In the corner of your eye, you see his face form into shock as he looks at you and a small smile settles on his face. 

The night lights of the fair light up and you know that Chan will have to go back to his job soon. Both of you pause, to look up at the sky that sets in hues of pinks and oranges that reflect on his face, making him glow more than he did before. Losing your footing, you stumble backwards, Chan reaching out to catch you, but it’s too late before your back hits the tree behind you. A metal bang resonates throughout the forest, but you know that it definitely didn’t come from. Both of you look shocked for a second before you notice something strange on the floor next to Chan’s foot, “W-what is that?” 

Turning around he crouches down, an outline of a box now prominent and sticking slightly up from the ground, “It can’t be a door right?” you question, joining him on the floor. Chan shruggs before trying to pry it open, his fingers scratching at the edges of the outline. Spiders crawl around, hiding from the exposed light as dust rises from the hole. Reaching in, Chan picks up the singular book that lays there, a golden hand sketched onto the front and a number 3 that lies in the middle of its palm.

Slowly, he turns the pages to find diagrams and entries of creatures. Notes upon notes of supernatural beings and writings that are drawn all over the pages, when one particular page catches his eyes. “It’s hard to believe it has been 6 years since I began researching the strange and wondrous secrets of gravity falls, Oregon. Unfortunately, my suspicions were correct, I am being watched. I must hide this before he finds it. Remember - In gravity falls there is no one you can trust” 

[night-running-echo]

Flying Tiger in the 23th Century headcannon

Ok, so It came to my mind that Tiger is pretty popular, but what if he will be still open in 200 years? Before anything else, let me add some context-

Flying tiger is a Danish variety store chain and they sell a variety of items, mostly accessories and toys and so many cool and cheap things. An original and adorable idea, very aesthetic also. 

What if it will be still popular in the Trek world, consequently in the 23th century? I got some headcannons about it :)

Since Earth will be adapting to the new technologies and hi-Tech Inventions, it’s only logical that every store, ideas, style of living will adapt accordingly. Many things like portative holograms, flying skateboards and Ais will be in every home where Children are. Since Tiger always have some unique in their stores I got some other ideas.

For example, a portative miny version of the teletransport for getting things you forgot in a trip. Like "OH NOO I forgot my passport." *Takes out the portative teletransport* "ok, I got it"

A Hologram that is basically a telephone for babies with various games to keep them occupied

Like in every Tiger, cool tea sets

Cool pajamas or home-shoes with an invention to keep you warm

Various eatings that resemble memes of the 21th century: "What do you have? A Knife!" Knife marshmallows, or "The Kid with the yellow apricot" caramel. Or even the "Cat and the screaming lady" and Kermit the Frog ecc.

Flying Skateboards? He'll yeah

TECHNOLOGICAL WORMS ON A STRING? HELL YEAH

Cool Flying candles and inventions that make float the heavy things that you can't carry, making them float behind you until you arrive to your destination

I can continue for much longer. Anyway, The fact that Tiger can still be something people find happiness in or just share Joy with each other is really heartwarming. It came to me then, in fact, what would happen to different Star trek characters (Tos-aos) and how they would behave act in a Tiger shop.

Chekov: Maybe when he enters in the Tiger some Child instincts of his kick in, because he never leaves without buying something, it doesn't matter what it is, pens, toys and other things. He just, simps so hard and is pretty amazed by everything he sees.

Sulu: Hikaru Is not the type to visit a Flying Tiger, but he adore watching the glint in Pavel's eyes when he stares at the various object with a stupid smile plastered on his smile, it’s very adorable. Maybe he'll be intrigued in some cute cooking sets, or something cute for Demora (she loves Tiger, and Hikaru would do anything to make her smile).

McCoy: Leonard is totally the type to buy the "Knife marshmallows" pointing the sweet at his patients and then eating them with a frown on his face.

Spock: Spock would be totally uninterested in Flying Tiger, not understanding the use of something so strange, but after visiting it for the first time he go crazy. Seriously, with all the cute stationery and notebooks Spock is mesmerized. He says it's only because it's helps keeping his work organized, but he have stored somewhere in his room a Japanese Tiger Tea-set, and nobody will never know.

Kirk: Jim is kinda like Pavel, but less childish in some ways. He'll totally buy anything useless like the Hi-tech worms on a string. He thinks they're really cool, and will additionally buy some mini furniture for his Worms on a string collection. Also, he'll secretly take for Christmas the comfy Cat-Paws for Spock. No one will never know about this also.

Uhura: Rainbow themed candles and napkins? Aesthetic furniture and accessories? She'll be in to it, and will buy anything that will seem aesthetic or pleasant to her. She'll pine so hard for the fluffy panda-themed headphones too, a lot.

Scotty: You know that strange and original Drinks in the Freezer that Tiger sells? Well, Scotty will buy the hell of them, and the portative games (like mini golf toilet edition or the desktop Basketball) too.

Chapel: Like Uhura, she'll really appreciate the interesting Make-up organizers that the Shop sells, because they're really well made and easily noticeable. Also she loves the various Peluches, because Hello?? They're cuddly and so comfy, she'll buy so many of them.

[racingtoaredlight]

Why I Hate D’Addario Strings

Every giant in every industry has “that thing” that makes their products easily identifiable.  Sometimes it’s obvious branding, where technology that sets them apart isn’t easily noticeable...something like Nike’s swoosh.  Sometimes it’s a technical thing like Dodge not shutting up about the Hemi in their trucks.

I don’t know...I’m struggling here...I was like “there’s hundreds of things like this!”  Yet I can’t think of any other big ones.

Anyways, D’Addario doesn’t need my money.  Much like the Titleist ProV1 golf ball, their market share is preposterous.  Their roster list glittering as much as all their competitors combined.  Much like golf balls, strings are somewhat of a “throwaway” product...personally, a set of strings don’t last on any of my guitars more than three weeks (and that’s with a rotation).  There isn’t much price fluctuation between string brands, and once you settle on what works best for you, you pretty much never switch.

All through college I played D’Addario strings.  Back then, a set of strings lasted me 5-7 days...I only played one guitar (Epiphone jazz guitar before switching to my Strat), for about 40-50 hours per week.  I played D’Addario’s by default...it’s what I always played, and didn’t think switching was worth it.

You go to a store looking for 10-gauge strings, and everyone’s represented.  Look for 12′s or thicker?  D’Addario is pretty much your only option (this was pre-online commerce).  Trying to find 14-gauge strings is like trying to find 14.5 size shoes in a store.  Plus, I had done all the market research I needed...I tried a set of Ernie Ball strings, hated them, and went right back to D’Addarios.

However, I’ll never play D’Addarios again.

***

The reasons I came to hate D’Addario strings have nothing to do with my ultimate point or the picture at the top.

Foremost, the reason I moved away from D’Addario was getting a box of DR Strings for free.  Literally the first notes I played were a revelation.  I didn’t even think about the reasons I didn’t like D’Addario strings before trying some others...literally every goddamned aspect of strings was improved on when I tried those DR’s the first time.

I always thought that strings just “felt stiff.”  Nope, that was just D’Addarios.  I had no idea how much more comfortable strings could feel before trying out another brand.  I thought it was my guitar or set up or not being good enough of a guitarist...nope, just a shitty product.

I always thought that strings just sounded “sterile and metallic” because they’re...well...metallic.  Nope.  Just D’Addario’s.  I always thought that harmonics were always strident and ice picky, and I needed a compressor.  It was just the strings I had used all along, that’s all.  I thought that “nickel wound” meant “nickel”...not just the same steel strings with a cheap wrap on top (that cost more money).  The funny thing is, the only D’Addario strings you’ll struggle to find in stores are their pure nickel ones.

D’Addarios are many guitarists’ string choice for no other reason than market share and “default.”  They have no incentive to make better strings, because a significant portion of the string buying populace will blindly buy their strings no matter what.

It doesn’t matter that they sound and feel like shit, when you go to any store, and D’Addario has stocked their shelves so thoroughly, other choices (other than the even more atrocious Ernie Ball) don’t even really seem to exist.  But in my opinion, D’Addario is synonymous with “cheap” and “beginner.”

I don’t play DR’s anymore.  Once I started realizing how much strings can impact your sound, I looked for the best fit for my style and settled on GHS Boomers.  I tried all the major brands...all were better than D’Addario.  All the lesser known ones...GHS were relevatory*, and even budget brands like Curt Mangan’s and LaBella guitar strings (their flatwound bass strings are industry standard) were vastly better.  I even tried boutique brands that have popped up.

*GHS is a very small company...for all D’Addario’s endorsement power, they can’t touch GHS’ guitar powerhouse.  SRV, Eric Johnson, Danny Gatton, Steve Howe (Yes).  Goodness.

All at the same or lower price points.  Simply put, there’s no reason to ever buy D’Addarios again.  But here’s the biggest reason I’ll never play their strings as long as I have a choice...

***

***

Those colored fucking ball ends.  God fucking damnit.

Nothing screams “I JUST BOUGHT MY FIRST GUITAR!” like needing fucking color coded kindergarten bullshit.  Jesus fucking Christ.  For those of you that have never touched a set of guitar strings...

You’d have to be a real fucking moron to not be able to tell the different strings apart.  Like “eating a forkful of brussel sprouts and going GEE I THOUGHT THAT WAS POT ROAST” level moron.

The first time I saw that image at the top...a $72,000 guitar, built by a dude who’s got guitars in the fucking Metropolitan Museum of Art, who’s guitars are handbuilt from top to bottom, exclusively played by masters of the most intellectually demanding form of music played on a guitar...my eyes immediately went to that tailpiece with the fucking Legos sticking out.

It looks fucking stupid.  FUCKING. STUPID.

I put out a reasonable case for never playing D’Addario strings ever again in my life.  They sound like shit, feel like shit, and they aren’t any cheaper than their (much better performing) competitors.  But that’s not the real reason I’ll never play D’Addario’s again.

The real reason is those fucking Legos look fucking stupid.  It doesn’t even matter if they’re on a guitar where you cant see the ball ends.  I’d know.  I’d know I got kindergarten shit on my guitar.  And that’s enough of a reason never to play them ever again in my life.

[bubmyg]

trophy - myg

pairing: yoongi x reader

genre/warnings: lawyer!au, established relationship, fluff, angst but it’s not really related to the couple, implications of misogyny/sexism, angry yoongi is a warning right?, ft intern jeongguk, also ft yoongi’s ass in dress pants

word count:  2,440

summary: in which you hold your own against yoongi’s clients or i won’t ask again. leave.

Somewhere between shoving earrings through weeping, pierced skin, swiping the wrong color to your lips, and centering the chain of a necklace, a disconnected pair of hands worked at the cool zipper fitting to your spine with each ascending link, lips connected to those hands pressing to your shoulder while a soft voice told the cusp of your ear you’re beautiful. 

You shared the sentiment when you routinely looped a tie, classic black, around Yoongi’s neck, letting him knot it but taking the extra step to straighten it on his throat (a step you normally avoided in the mornings when the people he’d be interacting with were limited to Jeongguk and an elderly landlord with a difficult tenant in his apartment complex), lips landing on the heated apple of his cheek to profess, “Handsome.”

And when he turned in the bathroom mirror, your eyes traveled to the generous stretch of fabric on his ass, “Is this how you woo all your clients?”

He had to lift on his toes to peer closer in the mirror anyway, a teasing lift of his eyebrows at your reflection as delicate index fingers continued to fiddle with styled fringe, “I don’t know. You can ask them tonight, if you like.”

“I’d rather not find out that Janet from accounting that you helped with divorce papers last week thinks your ass is nice,” You leaned into the doorframe, easy smile laced on your lips. 

Yoongi mirrored your expression as he brushed past you in route to snatch his suit jacket where it was meticulously sprawled across the edge of the bed, making a point to pause, dramatically swing his arm backward, and get a handful of his own ass. 

“It’s all yours, anyway.”

And somewhere between realizing this party wasn’t filled with Janet’s from accounting but rather assholes from Yoongi’s various corporate partners, the jewelry swaying off your ears seemed to pick up a five pound dumbbell on each side, lipstick flaking it sizable chunks onto your tongue, and necklace drowning in the clamminess that sprung underneath the collar of your dress. 

The rectangle of cheese delicately clutched in your fingertips tasted sour next to the clump of toothpaste still clinging to your back molars and the visible wince on your features and the half eaten block of sharp cheddar made you long for pained dinner parties with business sharks who had Yoongi at their every beck and call if trouble ever were to arise within their companies where you could simply excuse yourself to your kitchen and feed Holly the disgusting hunk of fucking cheese. 

Your closest thing to Holly was a one Jeon Jeongguk, irises rounded like the cheap chandeliers barely emitting any light into the banquet room of some building placed just inches away from a golf course. You flaked away the parts your teeth had touched with a delicate fingernail, uncaring as you smashed the bits into the velvet, forest green carpet below the sole of your shoe as your path became purposeful for the lanky intern clutching a champagne glass in white knuckles.  

You nudged his arm once you reached him. “Alright?”

Jeongguk barely confirmed it was you and half considered the object you stretched out to him, stressed mind registering food! and snatching it to push between puffed cheeks, mumbling a fine and thanks all the same as he chewed. He swallowed, seeming to calm at the amused and comforting smile you offered when he glanced at you. “Sorry…” He tried this time, sheepish as the smallest sliver of his teeth appeared. You followed his gaze as it flitted away from you, slow in pivoting a short distance across the room to the small group of men gathered just beyond a table full of empty chairs. 

You noticed Yoongi first, the other faces vaguely familiar, but Yoongi’s easy stance, sat into his hip with one knee slightly bent, glass of water clutched in loose fingertips almost empty, wrist swirling the last of it at the bottom as he nodded along to the dialog of one of the other men, cracking an easy smile paired with something, a joke apparently, that earned an audible melody of chuckles. You couldn’t help but smile too, some sort of proud fond swelling your heart into your throat but you tended to Jeongguk first. 

“You can go over there, you know.”

Jeongguk peered at you like you’d grown a second nose on your forehead, covering the feigned shock with a cough and he shook his head, “No...it’s okay. Maybe later.”

“He’s proud of you, you know,” You patted the younger man’s arm, “I’m sure he’d love to brag on you. What’s that called? Networking? And with your reference in person!”

Jeongguk laughed, shoving his free hand deep in the pocket of his dress pants and one curly hair escaped from where he’d styled it over his ears, “Maybe...have you met them yet?”

“Not them specifically. I’ve met some people here.”

Another laugh, this one more tender and Jeongguk nudged you back this time, eyes soft under a lidded gaze, “You should go over there. He’s probably talking about you, anyway.”

Something burned at your skin, paired to your oversized heart still throbbing in your throat and you coughed when your chin dropped, shy at Jeongguk’s admission. You recovered with a shrug, scuffing your foot into the carpet floor and more cheese trailed in its wake. “Eh, probably not.”

Stupid cliche’ timing called your name in the form of Yoongi’s voice and you found three pairs of eyes resting on you, the one of home negating the scrutiny of the other two. Your joints seemed to lock you in place and it was only Jeongguk’s teasing told you so in your ear that had you shuffling a step forward at the beckon of Yoongi’s encouraging smile and outstretched hand. 

“Come with me,” You managed to corral at the last second and you twisted your fingers in the cuffed fabric at Jeongguk’s wrist to yank him the first few steps after you, releasing him with an easy smile directed only at your husband as you took his hand when you came close enough.

Yoongi pulled you against his side, dropping a kiss to your temple as he murmured, “How are you?” against your skin. You squeezed his hand in response, opposite hand stretching for the man closest to you, customer service smile happily in disguise. 

“Chang Jung,” The first informed, tight lipped and tight gripped. 

“Park Heechul,” The second lingered, eyes cast across your face as he gripped your hand in two palms for longer than necessary, “and you must be the wife Mr. Min speaks so highly of.”

You subconsciously shuffled closer to Yoongi’s side, the soft bump of your presence making him defer to the swaying figure beyond your shoulder, “And this is my intern, Jeon Jeongguk. Very talented, probably did the bulk of the paperwork you all have received in the past few months.”

Another few easy chuckles. Mr. Chang, the more soft spoken of the two elicited the quieting of the laughter by speaking between the two of you. 

“So, you two attended the same universities?”

Yoongi nodded, “Undergrad and beyond.”

“A great masters program in business goes in tandem with a university that has an excellent law school, I suppose,” You agreed and another discreet squeeze to your hand had your shoulders setting when you were addressed for the first time by Mr. Park. 

“We understand you work with...animals?” His gaze shifted to Yoongi who was already nodding. The snort that came from deep within his nasal cavity didn’t settle right with you as he continued, “...what exactly does that entail?”

“I don’t directly handle the animals. I make it so the great individuals at all the shelters in the area have the means and funds and paychecks to be able to handle animals,” The ease that came with talking about your passions helped you along, “I work in finance but my specialty is nonprofit. The vast majority of my clientele are the animal shelters in the region. I attract and manage funds for them. Essentially.”

“Ah,” You glared at the bob of the man’s throat as he took a disinterested gulp of his wine, “Charity.” 

“Animal shelter employees are paid?” Mr. Chang spoke, “I thought that was on a volunteer basis?”

“Some are, some aren’t. Each is different in what they receive as far as tax dollars, city funding, the like,” You frowned, “Running a successful animal shelter is a full time operation, sir.”

“I guess I need to check where my tax dollars are going,” Mr. Park laughed as if it were a joke and as if he had a choice or say in the matter. “And you, dear, I can almost assure would make more by simply becoming his secretary.”

Yoongi tensed next to you but you spoke before he could, bristling on the verge of your patience, “I help when he needs me to. Doesn’t require me being on the payroll.”

“Speaking of help, I hear you’re a fantastic cook,” Mr. Park considered the empty table beyond him, a nearby plate clean aside from a few crumbs decorating the lipped edges, “Was the pork your recipe?”

You shouldered the insinuation, knowing Yoongi certainly didn’t sell you as a housewife with a knack for a stack of untouched cookbooks displayed on some rack in the middle of an expensive kitchen island. 

“I’m not on the payroll but I’m informed enough to know we have enough of a budget to hire a caterer for that,” You nodded, smile on your lips a line of cordiality. 

“Feisty too,” Mr. Park’s eyebrows lifted as Mr. Chang began to chortle along with him, “We could use someone like you at my company, answering phone calls, filtering out the particularly difficult patrons…”

You didn’t realize you’d let go of Yoongi’s hand until you hit his elbow in route to cross your arms over your chest. 

“With absolutely no respect at all, Mr. Park—” You bristled into the widest smile you’d cracked the entire interaction, “—I believe I’m overqualified to work at any position at your company. Particularly yours.” A curt wave of the top hand folded over your chest and you quipped, “Have a good evening.” before fleeing off into the dim room. 

Yoongi barely glanced at Jeongguk, an unspoken request to go after you while he tended to the mess before him. The decision was easy, and he approached it with the powerful aura that encompassed his previously relaxed state, seeping into the way a veined appendage was pointed in placing his glass of water down on the table, fingers folding at his belt buckle as he sucked air in and out through his nose. 

“As my wife put it,” Yoongi started, smile not quite reaching his teeth like yours had but similar in meaning all the same, “With absolutely zero respect, sirs, I think it’s unspoken that our contract is terminated. I suggest you seek out another attorney to handle your affairs.”

“Mr. Min, there was no offense meant by—”

Yoongi held up a steady palm the other fishing for the chair Mr. Park had previously been seated in, easily sliding it until it touched the table cloth fluttering off the table. “I also suggest that you leave. Immediately.”

Another laugh, cocky at best, slipped into the two hands Mr. Park held up now. “Can’t we speak about this as men?” 

The smile met Yoongi’s teeth now, leaning a fraction closer to the older man. 

“I won’t ask again.”

Jeongguk was stationed in front of the bathroom door like a coondog who’d just treed a frightened animal except the roles were reversed. He was the frightened animal, eyes growing wider as Yoongi’s purposeful stride approached and when he pointed to the door, Yoongi broke into a jog, shrugging past his younger friend to shoulder his way through the swinging door. 

The singular stall door was closed, your earrings abandoned on the lip of the sink bowl, phone and purse on the tiny couch with unidentified stains dotting the blue velvet. 

“It’s me,” He breathed after a moment, knuckles gentle on the locked door. 

“Can’t come to the phone right now,” He would have smiled if he wouldn’t have heard the clear sniffle in your voice. “Try again later.”

So he paused, knocked after a dozen heartbeats, and then, “This is later. Hello? Is anyone home?”

The door opened to your red eyes and defeated stature, shoulders slumped as you tried to smile through the tracks of liquid still slipping down the slope of your cheeks. It barely twitched high enough to be considered a smirk until it broke again, directly preceding the step you took to get to Yoongi. 

“Did you kick their asses?”

Yoongi laughed, genuine as his palm cradled the back of your head against his rumbling chest, “No. But I wanted to.”

“You should have,” You clutched the lapels of his jacket as he walked your statures backward, falling gently to the tiny couch, “I would have bailed you out of jail.”

He shifted you in his embrace, hugging you against his side as you kicked your shoes off to curl completely into him. Lips found your forehead this time, “Violence is never the answer but...I would have enjoyed seeing you sock one of them in the face. Both, preferably, but one good punch would have sufficed me for at least a couple years.”

A tiny laugh emitted from your lips, but it sobered when your voice broke in a whisper, simple in your obvious feelings but it broke Yoongi’s heart all the same.

“I didn’t like that.”

“I’m always proud of you, you know that, right? I’m continuously awed and inspired by you,” Yoongi took your face in his hands, swiping at fresh tears that angrily curled into your skin to look directly into your eyes, “I love you.”

You sniffled unattractively and you were partially kidding but the largest part of you in that moment helped you inquire, “I’m not just your trophy wife, huh?”

His chaste kiss lingered on the softness of your lips, mumbling between the seam of your mouth, “Absolutely not. Don’t let two dumbasses belittle the high regard I hold you in but especially not your opinion of yourself.”

“You’re badass, angel,” Yoongi’s lips pressed against your cheek, rubbing your nose with his as he grinned, gums and all, “If anything, I’m the trophy husband.”

You buried yourself in his neck, smile hidden against his shoulder, “Flattering ourselves, are we?”

“...but frankly, your ass doesn’t disagree with that label—”

[frishay13-blog]

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[totallypathet]

Episode Four

Okay so first things first, I love a ball. I'm just not that psyched when they do them so early on in the season, because it feels so overwhelming when there's 12 queens doing 3 looks each, there's just sooo much to process! Having said all that, I do absolutely adore the ball challenges because it shows us so much about each queen. It's always interesting watching their creative processes and how they think. My favourites in the ball challenges are the ones who really *KimChi voice* embrace the materials. I just find it so boring when they just sort of glue stuff to corsets and don't really incorporate the materials of the challenge. So having said that, let's get into it!

1. Aiden Zhane

Miss Aiden... after the runways the only thing I had to say about Aiden was "really girl?".

She put so little effort into that third outfit. She put less effort into that that Derrick Berry put into the book ball. It was basic, bitch, don't come at it like "well I have a simple aesthetic" simplicity is not low effort. Simplicity is not basic. Simplicity is Gigi Goode's Lady Baller look. It was simple; but it was perfectly fitted, it was a fully realised concept, the fabric choices were perfect - it's simple, but it's effective, it's beautiful, and it's a story. That fucking corset was terrible, and she should've lipsynced for that alone. Her Lady Baller look was cute, I liked the reference, but I've seen it before. Her Basketball wife was horrific. I own that dress, and it's cheap and tacky. Speaking of cheap and tacky, can we talk about that black wig she wore with her third look?! Like don't get me wrong, I'm so glad that she's wearing a different fucking wig finally, but that wig came straight out of a bag and she put it on her head. It had that awful cheap synthetic shine, and I can't believe noone mentioned it.

She's so unpolished and I feel like she just doesn't even care. Shes like Shangie season 2 except not even 10% as charming or likeable. I am so ready for her to leave, and the fact that she's survived 2 eliminations already is beyond me.

2. Brita

Almost everything I've just written above about Aiden Zhane could also apply to Brita. I really really don't like her attitude. She's coming across so bitter and so cocky at the same time - and what's even worse is that I've seen no talent from her to justify her attitude at all!

This week was not a good week for Brita, and honestly I think she should have gone home. I actually really liked her Lady Baller look, it was a clever concept, it was immediately recognisable and it was styled well. The fact that her other two looks were utterly shocking makes me think that that first look was entirely the work of a designer and she had no input whatsoever. The second look?? Where she was like "oh it's an adaptation of Kim K's Met Gala look??? Delusional. Girl, it looked so fucking cheap, it didn't fit that well, and it was ugly ugly ugly. Kim K would never.

All of that pales in comparison to the third look. What was that? Honestly, what the fuck was that? It was so badly made, it looked ugly, it was unrecogniseable, and it was just a catastrophe. I was humiliated for her when she walked out in it. Her lipsyn also wasn't that good. She should be next to leave after Aiden Zhane.

3. Crystal Methyd

Listen, I love Crystal. What the fuck was she wearing for her Basketball Wife look? Choices. Other than that little blip, Crystal made me so happy this week!! He Lady Baller look was perfect, it was exactly the level of fun and quirky I wanted from Crystal, she totally sold me that 80s bowling fantasy! And then her third look!!!! The Carmen Miranda reference was perfect, that dress fit her impeccably, and it moved beautifully! I think she's going to just go from strength to strength and I am so excited to watch her! I never know what she's going to be wearing when she comes around the corner and I love it. Strong night for Crystal!

4. Gigi Goode

I mean, you handed Gigi Goode a design challenge and expected her not to win??? She sold me every look this week, and I loved it. She gave me 3 distinct and recognisable characters, and her presentation of each one was totally different, that's talent. I don't have all that much to say about Gigi this week, because it was all said on the show. She killed it, I think she's going all the way and I cant wait to see what she pulls out next.

5. Heidi N Closet

LET 👏 HEIDI 👏 KEEP 👏 HER 👏 NAME! I'm still so mad about that and I'm not over it. Heidi had a bit of a slip this week for me. Not nearly enough to deserve being in the bottom (especially not next to Aiden and Brita), but it wasn't a great week for her. Her first look was really ill fitting and unfortunate, but I do respect that she took the golf ball and club out on the runway, props can be unpredictable. The second look was cute, but it was just cute, and her third look... wow. I get what she was going for, that very high fashion androgyny, but...that green and that purple... someone put in that gif of Chrissie Teigen 😬😬. I'm glad this happened when there were enough people for her to fall middle of the pack, because she deserves better than to go home for some shoddy looks. But honestly, I do hate when queens go on this show and say "I don't know how to sew, I've only ever made one garment", you know you're coming on the show!!! Learn some sewing basics!! Make some dresses!! You know there's going to be sewing challenges, prepare yourself!!

6. Jackie Cox

Jackie Cox 😍😍😍 Jackie should absolutely have been top 3 this week!! Every. Single. Look. Was. Stunning. Her references were on point. Her shapes were gorgeous. Her presentations were perfect. Her characters were all recognisably different. But all the looks were recognisably Jackie. Jackie was Robbed. She gave me my whole life this week.

7. Jaida Essence Hall

Jaida was absolutely gorgeous this week! Her face is always stunning, but she brought it with her outfits too! And the third outfit was probably my favourite of the week, she knows her body, she understand her shapes and you know what it was nicely executed. I think Jaida is super solid and I don't think a whole lot in this competition is going to phase her.

8. Jan

Jan was also robbed!! I'm still thinking about her Basketball Wife look, how perfect was that! It was exactly what you would see a Basketball Wife wearing, at a Basketball Game. So on point. And the Janel bag? Iconic.

Her Lady Baller look was absolutely what I wanted from her as well! It was made of footballs! (I refuse to say soccer balls, I'm not American) And then she dribbled a football down the runway! In heels! Stunning.

Her third look was couture, high fashion, and so distinctive from her other 2 looks. Honestly top 3 should have been Jan, Jackie and Gigi. You can't change my mind.

9. Nicky Doll

This was a great week for Nicky! Which, to be fair, was to be expected in a fashion challenge. But she did a fabulous job! I think her Lady Baller was my favourite of all the Lady Baller looks. The makeup was perfect, the wig was stunning - also I challenge anyone to clock Nicky Doll's wigs! It's so strange that out of drag she has dark hair and it looks stunning, but when in drag she's mostly a blonde and it's so perfect on her. The gilet she wore for her second look was stunning, and I loved her styling. That third look?! Iconic. It was like the high fashion baby of Roxxxy Andrews' Sugar Ball look, and Yvie Oddly's Farm to Fashion look. I loved it. I love her. I think she has a really great personality too! I don't get what the judges are saying about her not having any personality. I really hope she pulls it out next week - I already know her runway is going to be perfect!

10. Rock M Sakura

Oh my baby Rock! She didn't deserve to be bottom 2 this week. Everything she did was just a tiny bit off. Her pads were a little weird this week, I'm not sure what happened there, but that did throw me off when she was walking. Her Lady Ballers look was great! I didn't get the judges critiques about it not being enough! If she'd have worn something elaborate on the bottom, they would have said it was too much - which is exactly the critique she got for her third look! I do agree that her second look was a little bit pedestrian. I actually lived her third look though! It was over the top, but that's Rock M's style! And the way she styles it was gorgeous. I liked that it wasn't a complete dress, it looked really sculptural and architectural. The fact that she went home and Aiden Zhane was safe is so beyond me. Robbed. Also she is a better performer than Brita, she just struggled with that dress, which is such a shame. I'm glad they really let us get to know her before she left though, she's not just going to be that "oh yeah her" queen who shows up at the finale.

11. Widow Von Du

I like Widow so much, but I don't know that she's going to go all the way at the moment. I really really really want her to pull it out next week! She was so amazing that first week, and since then she's just sort of coasted for me. Her looks this week were just okay. Her first look was really stunning, but the cheap horse stick prop made it look costumey, which is such a shame. Her second look was pretty, but it swallowed her up a bit, I felt like it was wearing her. Her third look I actually really liked but omg those shoes. What was she thinking. It ruined the whole thing for me. I really want her to succeed and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for her next week!

There is one other thing I'd like to say about this week, which is that the Miss Trunchbull look that walked itself down the runway was incredible. If anyone knows the designer of that look, please let me know, because they deserve recognition for how great that look was.

Edit: @rattlethosestars let me know the designer of the look is Florence D'Lee, who you can follow on instagram here!

Otherwise, that's all for the breakdown this week! I am so looking forward to "Gay's Anatomy" next week, I feel like it could be such a entertaining challenge!