#When it *wasn't* part of a game to hurt you but something they legitimately did in the thought they were protecting you.

[bonefall]

the worst parent poll made me realize just how many ppl in the fandom are willing to jump straight into abuse apologia. bc on one hand you have ppl dumbing down crow's abuse to "him just being mean" and on the other end you have ppl saying that curlfeather didnt abuse frostpaw because she sacrificed herself and frost + her siblings love her so she couldnt possibly be an abuser. truly mindboggling stuff take these serious topics away from the fandom asap.

Part of me feels like it's because many in this fandom have a feeling that if a character's actions are abusive, it means you're "not allowed" to like them. Like there's an impulse where if you liked a character, it MUST mean they weren't THAT bad, because you'd personally never like "an abuser."

As if it reflects poorly on your own morality, as a person, that you connected with An Abuser. Understood them, even. Even if it was just a character.

If it's immoral to Like Abusive Characters, of course your reaction is going to end up being abuse apologia. To enjoy something isn't logical, it's emotional, so you will get defensive about it when questioned. When you do, it's not going to be based on logic because you didn't reason yourself into that position in the first place. It's an attack on you as a person.

I feel like that's often the root of abuse apologia in this fandom, and sometimes the world at large; "If I admit that this character/person IS abusive, it means I was doing something bad by liking them, so I have to prove to everyone else that they weren't or it means I'm bad too."

And to that I say... That's a BAD impulse! Grow up and admit you resonated with a character that did a bad thing! If that's an uncomfortable thought, sit with it!

Sometimes abusers are likeable! They usually DO think they're justified in their actions, or doing it for "a good reason," or were just too preoccupied to care. MOST of the time, people who commit abusive actions are also hurt or traumatized in some way. You might even empathize with them. None of this means their actions have to be excused or downplayed.

"Abusers" aren't a type of goddamn yokai, they're people just like you and me. You don't help victims of abuse by putting the people who hurt us in an "untouchable" category.

In fact, all it does is make you less likely to recognize your own controlling behavior. You're capable of abuse. People you love are capable of it, too. People who love YOU can still hurt you.

In spite of how often people regurgitate "It's Ok To Like A Character As Long As You're Critical Of Their Actions," every day it is proven to me further and further that no one who says it actually understands what that means.

All that said; I think it's no contest which one's a worse parent, imo.

They both mistreated their children, but Curlfeather did it through manipulation without verbal or physical abuse. She politically groomed her into a position of power so that she could use her as a pawn. It can be argued if this counts as child abuse-- but it's firmly still under the broad category childhood maltreatment, which is damaging.

(though anon I'm with you 100% at seeing RED when "but she sacrificed herself" is used as an excuse. Curlfeather's death does NOT CHANGE what she did to Frostpaw in life. I think it's a valid point to bring up when comparing her to another terrible parent for judgement purposes, such as in the context of this poll, but I really hate the implication that redemption deaths "make up" for maltreatment.)

Crowfeather, meanwhile, is textually responsible for putting Breezepaw through verbal AND physical abuse, as well as child neglect. His motivations include embarrassment from a hurt ego, revenge on his ex, and being sad because of a dead girlfriend. This abuse drives Breezepelt towards radicalization in the Dark Forest.

You could argue Curlfeather is a worse person for Reedwhisker's murder, but as a parent? It's not even a question to me. Crowfeather's one of the worst dads in WC.

[pythoria]

In light of the new astarion voice lines in reaction to mizora, I think we finally need to put to rest the whole monogamous vs polyam astarion discourse. Here's the thing. Polyamory is never explicitly discussed or negotiated at any point during the astarion romance. You get individual instances of astarion being okay with various things, like a one night stand with the drows or halsin. It's unclear in the coversation about halsin if he's agreeing to a one night stand or a three-way relationship deal, he just gives you a general go ahead to do whatever you want with halsin because he trusts you. But then halsin doesn't stick around at the end of the game, and by the time he leaves he's only ever been with astarion in the context of the drow orgy (which is optional), and only sexually. Halsin is only interested romantically in the player char from what we're shown. Everyone is free to headcanon otherwise or write whatever fics they want, but as long as we're arguing about canon we have to be very specific. Nothing about any of the conversations with astarion suggest polyamory. They might have suggested a sort of open relationship situation before, but now with mizora, we have proof that there was no negotiation or blanket consent given off screen for having sex with other people, and in fact, it hurts astarion deeply to see his partner engage in sex with someone else.

Now, you can argue it's because he didn't consent to it beforehand, fair enough. Let's walk through what that conversation could've looked like, shall we? If you'd have asked him if you can sleep with mizora, he could've either said yes or no, it's pretty straightforward. From how upset he is, and the fact that he doesn't bring up you not getting his approval beforehand, we can infer his answer would've been "no" (because if he would've said yes anyway, you would get the type of reaction you get with ascended astarion, a "next time invite me" type response). So then, why would astarion say no to mizora specifically, if asked? After all, he's presumably okay with meaningless sex, even when he's not involved, because he lets you sleep with one of the drows all by yourself. And presumably he's also okay with it when feelings are involved, if he's truly okay with the halsin arrangement. So what part of sleeping with mizora is different? Why would he suddenly disagree with it if he was previously okay with similar arrangements?

Here's the thing. Astarion says yes to things out of pressure. Obviously he tells you so himself in act 2, "i didn't know how to say no", and that's corroborated by his dead expression during the drow 4/5some. He says yes to things, hates them, and then depending on how violated he feels afterwards, he decides whether or not it's a forgivable transgression on the part of his partner. He HAS to do it after the fact, because prior to it, he doesn't know how he will feel, he doesn't know if something specific is going to be the thing that tips him over. When he says "i didn't know how to say no" in act 2, it's not just that he instantly knew he didn't want to have sex with tav and went along anyway, it's also that he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do, and maybe mistakenly believed he could put up with it, until he actually did it. With the drows, the only difference is that he does put up with it, by dissociating. For astarion, something is either too much, or something he can tune out and deal with. He never expresses any "mild" discomfort that you can talk to him about, except for when he's anxious you want to have sex with halsin because he doesn't put out. And even then, there's nothing you can say that will make him disapprove of the halsin thing, short of completely breaking up with him. He voices an insecurity, sure, but even when told that insecurity is legitimate, he still agrees to the halsin situation.

This is why I need everyone to understand, there is no polyam negotiation with astarion, he blanket accepts everything until he snaps, because that's what trauma victims do. I'm not saying this out of a desire to prove astarion is monogamous, either. If the game showed healthy communication about this I wouldn't be here arguing about any of this. Polyamory is valid and can be done in a healthy way, but what you have in the game is not a representation of polyamory, it's a representation of a trauma victim not knowing his own limits and chugging full speed ahead until he snaps. The mizora exchange just cements that further. The roll you have to pass to get him to stay with you isn't "let's discuss boundaries, i didn't know this wasn't allowed", it's "this didn't mean anything". If this man was already okay with meaningless sex on the side, why would you need to convince him of it? All you're doing is manipulating him, and the result of that manipulation isn't even "okay, you can have meaningless sex from now on as long as we talk beforehand", instead, he says he forgives you. There's no implication that this could happen again, if only you have his consent, he just forgives you for this one transgression and agrees to move on. And let me be perfectly clear, I've shipped polyam ships before, I don't have an inherent bias against it. But we all, collectively as a fandom, need to learn to read the room. The signs of discomfort are all there, it doesn't help anyone if we put on horse blinders and ignore them. My only desire is to see astarion interpreted faithfully, not to start or contribute to a war people seem to be having about the validity of polyamory in general or in real life.

So, in conclusion, we need to separate headcanons from canon. Canon is, at best, unclear on what Astarion is comfortable with. It helps no one to act like this is a clear cut issue on either side, but imo it's more harmful to potentially force him into situations he's uncomfortable with than to just let him lead, since he doesn't propose any of these arrangements himself, and never does them for his benefit, only his partner's.

And one last thing. This is not to say "don't do these things because they're bad". They're in the game so you can do them and roleplay however you want. However, we need to be realistic about the kind of characters we're playing. If your tav pressures astarion into these various situations, that's not a good-aligned tav, and that's okay, as long as you're not pretending otherwise. I love an evil durge playthrough as much as the next person, but none of it would be cathartic or fun if the whole time I was under the impression that murder is actually fine and good.

[quinloki]

I was wondering if you could do Ace, Sabo and Koby(if not comfortable I understand, maybe Marco? Or someone of your choice if you'd like ^^)

I was wondering if you could do Begging, Dacryphilia, and cockwarming.

Thank youuuuu!!! I hope you have a lovely day <3!!

I did say over 18 and Koby is over 18. Plus that boy's glow up was something else. The only one I know of that tops it (heh, tops) is - in my opinion - Eustass Kid. Yeah, his pre-ts look was good and punk, but gods and demons he got so thicc.

Okay, my personal thirsts aside, let's get into this. And thank you anon for being preemptively okay with allowing me to pick someone else if I wasn't comfortable with Koby - I appreciate that kind of looking out from peeps <3

Dacryphilia is, I believe, the crying kink - not necessarily distress, but all aspects of it. Okay \o/ let's do this by Kink.

Begging:

Ace - Yes - He's not so sure about this at first, and he caves to your begging very quickly the first couple times, but after getting to think on it a bit he leans into it. How creative can you get? How bad do you want him to just rail you? It doesn't have to be verbal either, Ace is perfectly happy with you begging visually - from rubbing up against him, to holding yourself open.

He's a simple guy who appreciates simple pleasures, and he never makes you beg for too long.

Sabo - FUCK Yes - there's a bit of madness in this boy, and if you want to stoke those flames then he's not going to stop you. Sabo is a little unsure at first, but finds he really likes it. Visually, and verbally, and it's his job to make sure you're doing a good job, so he's constantly pushing you to beg better.

Certainly your vocabulary is large enough to get creative? Oh you kneel so prettily beneath him, but you're smart enough to be more enticing than that, aren't you? It's cute when you blush, like you're not literally begging for this, maybe if you beg well enough you'll be flushed all the way down to your chest.

Koby - Sure? - He might be canonically 18, but he's got slowburn vibes to me, and I think you'd be dating him at least two years before things progressed into a bedroom of any kind. (He's just so heckin' sweet), but once you get there you find he's open to trying pretty much anything. He's pretty solidly a switch, maybe leans a little more toward sub than dom, and top more than bottom, but he's here to learn and see you both satisfied by the end of it.

And he learns well. Koby is a smart, hard working, and dedicated student no matter the material or situation. Whether you're begging him, or he's begging you, the part that makes it good for him is knowing how it positively effects you.

Dacryphilia:

Ace - Yes mostly. - Ace doesn't want to see you sad or in heart-pain. He's okay with happy tears, he doesn't panic regardless of the tears, but once he adapts to you a little he has to admit he likes kissing away your tears, brushing them off your face and reassuring you, smiling with you, being in that emotion alongside you - whatever caused it - and dealing with it.

When you cry specifically because he's teasing you or overwhelming you with pleasure, he really likes those tears. He can't even really apologize for teasing you, there's just something about it that makes his heart thump a little harder.

Sabo - FUCK Yes - Please do cry for him. He doesn't want you crying because he's physically hurting you (he doesn't want you crying because he's legitimately mentally harming you either), but he does love when you cry. Maybe he bullied you, maybe the crop did it, maybe his hand did it, maybe he fucked those tears out of you. Whatever caused it there's just something about your tears that turns things up for him.

Now, if someone else causes you to cry that's entirely different. He's the only one allowed to make you cry, and certainly the one meant to soothe you afterward. Sabo's aftercare game is good too, so there's never anything that lingers poorly afterward.

Koby - No - Tears make Koby panic. Good tears, bad tears, he doesn't handle any of them well. Least of all when they're coming from you. If you cry when you're cumming it's going to take him some time to not panic when it happens - communication, obviously, is key.

Now on the flip side, Koby will let you bully him to tears. He doesn't mind crying for you and is closer to Sure on the subject. He's a little prone to tears anyway, so he's just glad you're not (legitimately) teasing him for it.

Cockwarming:

Ace - I guess - The lack of movement means Ace is prone to falling asleep with this particular kink. He's not against it, so long as you're not going to be mad if/when he falls asleep, but he also doesn't want to fall asleep when he's with you. He'd rather keep things moving so he keeps moving.

Sabo - Oh god you have no idea - He loves being buried deep inside you, and Sabo doesn't often get the chance to just stay still. He's in a busy position, so these moments are some of his favorite. There's so much bundled up into it for him as well - control, patience, will, teasing, pleasing, begging - it's the best when he can have you crying and begging for him to move, for him to let you move, when all your little shifts and twitches haven't been quite enough to tempt him.

You're so close to him the whole time. So touchable, so easy to caress, so delighted as his low voice slips softly into you - even and gentle and undeniably in control.

Koby - Yes - Surprisingly Yes. He almost never outlasts you, and sometimes he just ends up pinning you and taking you and it's about as aggressive as he gets. You teased him for his lack of will once because of it, and he had you begging and crying for him to move and he did. not. cave. He actually threatened to just leave you completely unsatisfied until you apologized.

I... huh.

Kind of broke my brain with that last sentence, that's all I got.

Kinky One Piece Head Canon

[sameschmidtdiffname]

If anything were to ever be released from Peeta's POV during the series, I think what I would be most interested in is what was going through his head during The Mockingjay Trial.

Peeta's thoughts during Mockingjay as a whole would be interesting. Peeta is ultimately cunning. We all joke about how Peeta would've ran 13 if he'd been the one that was saved, but I can't imagine Snow was having a particularly fun time with him either. Peeta knows how to communicate with the Capitol. I wonder if part of the reason Peeta was abused so horribly was not to torture Katniss, but because it's very possible there was a real possibility Peeta could've won the war from the inside by turning Snow's people against him with his own personal showmanship. "If it weren't for the baby" is a perfect example of how capable Peeta could be of doing just that.

I imagine once Peeta begins to regain his mind, it doesn't take long for him to realize the multiple problems that exist within president Coin. The problems Gale decided not to acknowledge in the proper manner.

Gale and Katniss are incredibly close. Now, I know we all like to poke our fun at Gale, (I'm definitely guilty of it,) but Gale is a genuinely complex character. He was a kid too. That doesn't take away from how he still did wrong, but you cannot look at him from a black and white lense when legitimately viewing his character. He does have depth.

Gale and Katniss are close because they are similar. They lose their fathers in the same accident, they learn to survive the same way. Katniss speaks throughout the series of how similar they are. It would not at all be impossible for Peeta to assume Katniss was radicalized the same way Gale was since he remembers their relationship despite the hijacking.

I think this is what hurts Peeta the most during the voting for the final Hunger Games. Peeta is at a severe disadvantage to reading Katniss still. His mind is better, and most likely he had already begun therapy in seriousness and was already improving mentally. But he and Katniss have not begun to grow back together yet. He no longer has access to her obvious tells. And yes, Katniss's thoughts are obvious to her inner circle. To everyone else, she is a mystery. Katniss loves him, but he is no longer in her inner circle at this point.

I don't think Peeta would realize the truth of Katniss's vote until she shoots Coin instead of Snow, which I think is the point for many to realize the amount of deep set problems there truly were with Coin. Most of the time it takes someone doing something extreme to make people pause and think.

Peeta is already having to put the pieces back together in his mind about Katniss. I think The Mockingjay Trial would probably be the tipping point of Peeta's recovery due to the testimonies, the evaluations. Something I've wondered is if Peeta was even allowed to testify since he had been hijacked. Honestly, I would assume that he wasn't. Leaving him off to the sidelines, forced to watch as someone he knows he used to be close to be examined live for the nation to see, to be picked and torn apart. I imagine that maybe the general public was not allowed to see any footage, but based off of Plutarchs offer for Katniss to be on a new singing program during their final conversation in 'Mockingjay,' it seems Katniss was correct in thinking there was most likely a live broadcast of her in the Training Center available to watch. Most likely Haymitch was allowed a peak. And through Haymitch, probably Peeta. I don't think it would be until the entire nation is forced to learn the "truth" about The Mockingjay that Peeta has the same moment as Katniss has in 'The Hunger Games,' when suddenly he realizes just how much he does know about her.

I would think this time would be when Peeta and Haymitch also make peace with their relationship as well. Most likely there were probably a few, very hard to have conversations between the two of them during the trial. About Katniss, about Haymitch's promise to both of them during 'Catching Fire,' about being unable to save him.

Peeta returns to District 12 at the earliest opportunity allowed. Probably for a few reasons. It's his home, it is ultimately where he belongs. But I also think there's probably a very large part of him that wants confirmation for what he's sure he already knew. Her thoughts when shooting Coin. When she voted yes. I think The Mockingjay Trial is probably when Peeta decided he wanted to be her friend again. That it was when he finally remembered her. And I'd just really like to see that, even as a short story.

[sharptoothed-gaze]

the only issue I have with the sunny amd tubbo issues with q!phil is genuinely how much one side of the fandom internalises it and in turn looks at phil in an unredeemeable light

and like. sunny had been hanging out with phil and the kids for a while now, they kept the bunny phil gifted her with her at all times for a while. it genuinely felt like that miscommunication had come to a conclusion only for it to be brought up in a third pov without phil being able to do anything about it AGAIN

and I just know the fandom is not going to be chill about it. I'm just so burned out of seeing him being villanized for shit that is legitimately out of his control because peopletake that away from him. "he does them care about tubbo" he spoke multiple times about consulting with aypierre and the fed npcs to figure something out but it resolved naturally without him. "sunny doesn't like him" no one has told him about it, and sunny keeps making this a thing they only address when phil Is Not There, so omce again he can't fix it. but people refuse to give him any leeway...

idk, I genuinely just feel so burned out of how the fandom who doesnt watch his pov reacts to anything related to phil lately, it genuinely drains my want to interact with the tag and the fandom at all

That is a great point about the bunny Anon!

I also figured that at least some small part of Sunny and Philza's conflict would have been healed by him buying her that plushie. Sunny still feels like they have a strained relationship, but to me, Philza buying her the plushie with minimal hesitation was a solid action that shows he cares.

I want to note that he /did/ ask and expect Tubbo to pay him back, so it wasn't fully a gift. QPhilza brought up money and was playing into the Capitalism game much like Tubbo and Bbh typically do. However, I absolutely think that the purchase showed that Philza wanted to make Sunny happy in that moment.

He could have 100% told her no or told her go back with Tubbo later to get the rabbit. He could have even made up an excuse about not having the money or needing it for something else, but instead qPhilza bought it that moment because he could tell she really wanted it!

Obviously, their relationship needs much more communication to heal, but you would think the fandom would at least look at that moment more charitably. Sunny still feeling hurt makes sense since she's a kid and she doesn't interact with this guy much, but the fandom should be able to have a far larger scope than she does .

[one-winged-dreams]

Happy Birthday Video Games

ship: the reveries of my mind (adri x akingraeux)

source: original content

word count: 942

I HAD TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT BEING PONG DAY, so have a cute little ism with Aki. Also a teeny tiny casual surprise in there. ;3c

tag list: @dearly-beeloved @camellias-and-coriander @rebel-wolf13 @sunstar-of-the-north @mahitoslittlebird @goldenworldsabound @edencantstopfallininlove @sosoftandsweet @dorothys-wife @faerie-circle-ships @kylars-princess

"It's video games' birthday today."

Aki perked up, his attention focusing on Adri's sudden entrance. The latter was looking at his phone screen, keys almost missing the side table.

"Uh?" Aki prompted him to elaborate, realizing he was currently getting annihilated in Guilty Gear, but gritting his teeth and letting it happen all the same, controller set aside. He was more than willing to throw a match easy.

It only hurt a LITTLE bit.

But elaborate Adri did, turning his phone out to show a particular meme.

"It's pong day. Video games' birthday."

Adri was sporting his usual melancholic expression, but for now, it was graced by a small smile accompanied by an adorable head tilt.

Cute, cute, CUTE.

Trying to downplay how charmed he was, Aki snorted. Though he was unable to suppress the grin that spread across his face, he managed to reply casually enough, past the sounds of Nagoriyuki biting the dust.

"Oh fuck, yeah, I remember when pong came out. Shit was revolutionary."

Adri blinked, lashes fluttering over wide brown eyes.

Cuter still.

"You- Oh man, you're showing your age there, Aki. I mean, I guess it would make sense, that probably wasn't even that far back for you. So you've really picked up on the gaming thing in this itty bitty portion of your… Nevermind, sorry," he blushed suddenly, realizing he was going off on a tangent.

There was no way Aki couldn't NOT laugh at that, placing his hands on his knees and then pushing himself up off the couch. Accompanied by the music from the character selection screen, he made his way over to where Adri was looking downward.

Humming thoughtfully, Aki leaned down and to the side, trying to catch an expression and looking very silly in the process. All part of the plan, of course, considering he caught Adri giggling a little.

"Well I AM pretty old," he commented, leaning off further to follow the way Adri's head turned to hide the grin he was cracking. "So yeah. I played pong when it first came out. I guess that makes me the literal only legitimate gamer. Posers can't even touch me."

He delighted in how Adri finally straightened himself, laughing in a manner so adorable his heart leaped.

"Aki!" Adri giggled as Aki embraced him tightly, giving him a little squeeze and pivoting them left and right.

"Yes I'm a god, yes I play video games," he continued the bit, his tone exaggerated in a charming contrast to the wide affectionate grin on his face.

"AKI, PLEASE!" Adri erupted into laughter again, the melancholy expression entirely replaced with joy.

"Please what, cutie?" he teased, pulling one of his arms away to tilt Adri's chin up as had become a habit nowadays.

Adri blushed again, but he didn't seem unhappy at all. Quite the opposite, Aki could tell his move had improved significantly.

In fact, it felt like it had almost…

"Pleeease… I don't know what to say, aaaah!" Adri whimpered, trying to turn his face to the side to avoid looking into those pale eyes that affected him so.

But even still, his smile was wide and genuine, and in turn, Aki's settled into a warm, subdued one.

"You don't have to say anything, angel. Not one thing," his soft reassurance was a surprise, as was the act of him tucking some hair behind Adri's ear. The way it had been obscuring his face was displeasing to the god, he wanted to see everything.

Everything.

"Aki?" Adri's smile had become an expression of curiosity, lamb-like in its innocence and naivety.

"Mmmmmh?"Aki practically purred, leaning down to place a kiss on top of Adri's head.

That earned him a squeak.

"You're…" Adri breathed, and it was clear that he wasn't sure where he was going with that.

But Aki made sure that expression turned back up to him, those big, shiny brown eyes directed entirely at him.

"Yours," he stated matter of factly, with that same soft smile.

"M-?" Adri blinked rapidly, not finishing even a single word, but Aki knew what he meant anyway.

"Yes. Yours. All yours," Aki leaned down as he spoke, creating a space just for them, between sheets of raven hair, hesitating just for a moment before continuing, "In service to your faith."

Adri couldn't breathe, let alone speak, the proximity making his lips tingle in ways only a god could make real. Buzzing that wouldn't and couldn't be remedied by anything other than…

Neither of them had any expectations for what the first time would be like. Nor any sort of semblance of an imagined time or place. And the feeling of it, the physical weight and sensation of nerves sending signals to the brain, could not have been predicted either.

Adri's lashes fluttered.

Warm.

Aki's fingers held Adri's chin firm.

Soft.

It could have gone on forever, that singular temporal point. Fixed in time, possibly fate if you were inclined to that sort of thing.

Adri had mentioned he'd never been in a relationship before, never been kissed before. Aki could tell by the way his soul was singing to him, his essence laying itself as if to adorn an altar, that this was an important claim to stake. And the way those eager lips began to part. He knew that Adri was starting to feel it, and god, more than anything, he wanted him to. But not… THAT.

Holding Adri's face in a fixed position, he pulled himself away, his own mint eyes opening by a margin just in time to see Adri's do the same.

"… Happy birthday, video games."

"Y… Yeah. Happy birthday."

[queensectonia]

is it this one? i'm sorry to have... offended (?) you? i wasn't specifically thinking of you when i made it though, i don't think. i wrote that a while ago.

the intention was not to discourage people from calling elfilis/elfilin they/them though or to insult they/them (and be extension it/its) characters though. it was to say that i don't see a problem with calling them something other than they/them and respecting other people's interps too. kinda like if someone hc'd a male character as a tgirl. i might not agree, but i would respect it. gender hcs should for fictional characters should be a pretty chill thing imo.

again, i'm sorry if you didn't like it or if i hurt you. if you spotted some legitimate issues with it, do tell me! but for now i stand by my points. i really hope we can sort things out since i don't quite like being called a horrible person.

hey man, nowhere in my post did i call you a horrible person. i said some of your reasoning was transphobic, which is a trap anyone can fall into, because unwittingly repeating unfortunate rhetoric is very much not a moral judgement.

and i wasn't offended by your post, because it's a sentiment i pretty much agree entirely with, just couched in some kind of silly reasoning and a broad misunderstanding of what people are actually complaining about.

most of the folk saying things like this aren't complaining about people using different pronouns for established characters (elfilis, in this case) in their own headcanon. as it was stated in my post, we're frustrated about people straight up misgendering elfilis on a universal basis.

this is an extremely widespread and specific problem with characters whose pronouns are they/them, or god forbid it/its. look at any given character whose pronouns are they/them and you will see countless people in the english-speaking sphere flat-out refusing to gender them correctly. for just a couple examples, look no further than frisk undertale + kris deltarune, the gems from houseki no kuni, and yes, indeed, elfilis. this is such an ingrained and common problem where people just innately reject the possibility of a character using they/them pronouns, let alone the idea that they might be nonbinary in any way, and because of it, you get people constantly misgendering these characters and bending over backwards to justify themselves: "oh, well, you know, this character just doesn't seem like a they/them... it was never stated directly... i'm just more comfortable using he or she..."

it's a longstanding, observable issue. elfilis, predictably, doesn't escape it either, and thus you have rafts of the english-speaking fanbase ignoring this character's proper form of address.

and elfilis' pronouns are in fact canonically they/them and it/its, by the way. this is part of the transphobic reasoning i was referring to: in both real life and regarding fictional characters, it is transphobe standby number one to insist and insist and insist and sealion into infinity that there's ~plausible deniability~ on they/them pronouns. it's used because we haven't met this character! we were never told for certain that this character uses they/them! it's for literary ambiguity! they/them are plural pronouns so it's the text referring to multiple people!

i mean this in the kindest possible way: you are just incorrect here, on multiple points. there is absolutely nothing ambiguous about elfilis' pronouns. multiple times, elfilis is strictly, directly referred to with they/it, where elfilin is referred to with he/him. the game is not being ~vague~ here, it is presenting you with plain information. the game not telling us elfilis' precise, discrete gender identity is not the same as the game not telling us elfilis' pronouns. elfilis is referred to with neutral pronouns in every language except for the ones that literally don't have neutral pronouns.

(even french has a well-known and accepted neuter pronoun these days, but our good friends (derogatory) l'Académie française refuse to ratify it so NoE didn't use it in the localisation.)

additionally, kirby is not referred to with gender-neutral pronouns. i assume you're referring to japanese here, in which case you've been misinformed by a common misconception spread by people who don't speak japanese. kirby is never gendered at all in japanese. it's not "kirby is canonically non-binary in japan!" or "kirby is canonically they/them in japan!", kirby is canonically nothing in japan. they go out of their way to not mention it. depending on your translation standards, japanese doesn't even have "they/them" as a singular pronoun. i explained this in my post here, and there's an additional post i made on the topic regarding a slightly different version of this fandom misconception here.

anyway, tl;dr, no-one is complaining about people giving elfilis different pronouns in headcanons and AUs. we're complaining about the exhaustingly common phenomenon of people forgetting how to be normal about gender when a character uses they/them.

[cold--carnage]

ok I'm gonna need to rant about fnaf for like a while so hold up and prepare for drunken spelling mistakes and probably some npd shit that I just realized was involved with this

I fell in love with fnaf immediately when it first became public. I heard about it before Markiplier picked it up and when he did I pretty much stalked him and the official fnaf sites for details. I was into this way before it was cool and that's not really a brag it's just a fact. I was bullied extensively for it and to this day I'm known for being the fnaf guy to the point that my sister (who does not talk to me) messaged me when she saw the movie. I hate. with every fiber of my being. that something I suffered to love became so mainstream and so reachable years after I had found it. I remember taking every image Cawthon posted and fucking with the brightness and source code to find hidden messages and I remember going as Foxy for Halloween in grade 9 and nearly getting stuffed into lockers for it because that was "nerd shit." this was "weirdo stuff" and "autismo garbage" and all the shit like that but I held it and I latched myself onto it and I stuck by it because fuck everyone. and I played it at school on my friend's MacBook at lunch break and I waited for lore like a dog and I was a loyal and extremely devoted fan.

and I'm seriously so happy to see something I love so dearly become something so legitimate. to see the things I loved finally move on screen the way I always imagined it. but part of me is so unimaginably angry. that this indie game. that I stuck by. that I was ridiculed for. that I worshipped. to see it slowly become something so mainstream. it hurts so bad. call me a selfish narcissist I don't fucking care. I am what I am. but I had very few things in this life. and this was one. and now it's a household name. but I remember when I had to make my own merch because it didn't fucking exist yet. and I remember being hurt for loving it. and now it makes me cry. because the movie wasn't even amazing but to see something you've loved so hard become something so real is just surreal. and I hate myself for caring so much about some stupid fucking robots but I can't ever explain it. my life revolved around it for years and I was hurt badly for it. and now everyone suddenly loves it. and I got hurt for nothing. and what am I supposed to do.

my art teachers were sick of seeing me draw Foxy and my mom was sick of me talking about robots and my doctors didn't know what to say and I was consumed by this shit and now it's something everyone loves and I love that people love it but for fucks sake. you don't have any fuckin clue what I suffered for this fandom that I hate now. because I don't recognize it. it outgrew me. I had homemade masks on my wall. I researched animatronics. I made my whole world about some dumb fuckin robots and I was beaten for it and now it's just another tumblr sexyman contender I guess

[coolcattime]

Coolcat! I saw your tags, I also played tales with a friend (I was Rhys, she was Fiona) it’s such a good fun time! I’m also very curious on how you manage to break a tell tale game.

I feel like tales from the borderlands is weirdly such a good starting point in playing the rest of the games (I’m unsure if you’ve played the rest of the franchise so I’ll avoid spoilers for the 3rd game). I played tales, then 2, then the pre-sequel. This is gonna sound super dumb but I didn’t know there was a first game I legitimately thought the story started at 2, and I thought that was like the joke..? But no there’s actually a borderlands one and I’m just kinda dumb.

I love the tales cast so much and seeing what they did to Rhys in the third game killed me. He finally learned how to dress himself and the writers put him back in a stupid vest, it hurt. I’ll admit I haven’t played the third game but I spoiled myself for the story and I’m not a fan of the direction taken for a lot of the characters, like it looks super good visually but of the story is lacking, and I don’t see a point on throwing like 60 dollars for something I’ll end up bored with.

So very genuinely, we (myself and my best friend Atlas) decided to play the game like you and your friend did. It was one of the only telltale games we'd both played, but we'd done so in very different ways. Since we were playing through telltale games together anyway (we'd just finished the first season of The Walking Dead - their first playthrough but not mine), we thought I'd play as Fiona and they'd play as Rhys so like we could see the differences in how we'd played the game. I don't know what to say, other than we kind of broke Sasha and Vaughn, particularly Vaughn. I think one of us being mean to them crossed over to the other character. Like the game wasn't completely broken, but it was weirdly shocking to have Vaughn suddenly just yell at Rhys who had been nothing but nice to him the whole time. But honestly it was a great experience over all. I got to see what happens if you're nice to Handsome Jack, and Atlas got to see what happens if you don't let Felix explode.

Honestly, I haven't played the rest of the Borderlands games. Though I've seen parts of 2, the Pre-Sequel, and 3 from watching Atlas play them. And 1 doesn't sound nearly as connected from what they've told me, so I understand not realising it exists.

Seeing the bits with the Tales cast in 3 really confused me, like mostly the fact that they seem to against using Fiona again when she is the one that definitively wants to be a Vault Hunter. Like my friend showed me some of the Vaughn and Rhys bits, both of which I found kind of weird, but then I asked if Fiona was in the game and told no. And that's pretty much all I can say on the story for 3. I'll be honest, I'm not sure if Atlas finished it despite them being a really big fan of the other games.

[deadendtracks]

TW:

i find a little disgusting about how tatiana as a character is viewed as "empowering" and "bad ass" in the fandom when what she did to tommy was straight up abuse and the chocking scene has rapey vibes all over it. and somehow it gets viewed as hot or as if she was sexually empowering and some weird stuff. we know tommy uses his body for business all the time. he is a whore. we know this. but the chocking scene is so uncomfortable because tommy was straight up having a mental breakdown and she still went ahead and had majority of the control in the sex scene but there was not actual consent. he was imagining grace all along. he was intoxicated and recently recovering from a head injury. but she gets turned on from pain apparently, one that wasn't reciprocated. because that scene wasn’t consensual. her whole character gives me red flags. this fandom goes off with the whole "she understood him" but she barely ever did. everyone with a little bit sense of perception could get what tommy wanted and how freedom and killing were touchy subjects to him. her interactions with him were bare minimum but the narrative makes you believe she had some sort of superior knowledge to who he is as a person. there was nothing empowering about her, her character is what steven knight decided was a powerful female character but it feels more like it comes from his own sexual fantasies. i was so so glad when she left and never brought up again because she made me uncomfortable. the actress was great but the dialogue felt forced as well, like they were trying too hard to make her deep and bad ass or a female version of tommy but it just didn’t work. it felt over the top, and this is a problem i have most of the time. that they need to make female characters too much like their male characters to claim it.

Yeah, the labeling of Tatiana as badass and empowering for what she did to Tommy has aways deeply bothered me, not only because of Tommy but because of the place where that behavior was coming from for Tatiana herself. It wasn't empowering her at all to do these things; it was a reaction to the situation she'd been groomed into by her family. A lot of people who have been abused react by hurting others, and this is what I see going on with Tatiana and Tommy in s3.

The actually empowering thing she did was to work *with* Tommy to escape her family by helping him steal their jewels.

I understand why you'd see what happened between Tatiana and Tommy as abuse. It was certainly dubiously consensual, in the parlance of fandom. I think the khlysty scene was pretty complex from Tatiana's perspective, because I got the impression she legitimately did it because she thought it would help him -- there was the implication that she knew about khlysty because she experienced it herself, after having lost someone she loved in the war. So again, it's a trauma reaction to me, to think this thing is something that would help him. At the same time, it's not only that, clearly. It's also one of her games, and those games are in part about power and risk. That's the interesting thing about Tatiana to me -- these things are not so easily separated.

But the circumstances in which she does this are not one of informed consent -- Tommy's incredibly drunk and had started to visibly break down about Grace's death for the first (and only) time we saw that season. He was very vulnerable there and Tatiana did this very dangerous thing without really giving him a chance to agree to it, if he was even capable of making that choice at the time. And at least part of her motivation had to be to try to have him in debt to her and under her control because that's what was expected of her by her family, and also she may think it will help her get free of them. This is the only form of power she really has.

If she gets turned on by pain -- and I think this is probably a valid interpretation though it's just that, an interpretation -- I think it's less the inflicting of pain on someone than a mutual sharing of pain, a sort of twisted empathy. She sees him as a mirror to herself. She seemed to identify with his pain in that scene, and in the scene where she shows up in his marriage bed and puts on Grace's perfume. At the same time, it is about transgressing boundaries, very much so -- she sees this as freedom, but she doesn't take into account whether Tommy wants to go along on that ride, whether this will hurt him, and whether this is freedom to him as well. She's both earnest about it and a little mocking, in turn. I think she heavily identified with Tommy and thought she was mentoring him in a way -- what she says that night in Arrow House, about how she will show him how to use power, basically.

But what she doesn't understand is that she and Tommy don't have the same background with power at all. She grew up literal royalty -- which doesn't protect her from abuse and exploitation from her family, but is absolutely a level of power immensely higher than that Tommy grew up with, and still even as a rich as he was in s3, didn't possess. She and her family have coerced him into working with them under threat of hanging of his family, in order to restore them to this inherited power over an entire country. She may have little choice in the matter, but neither does he. It's complex, from a power standpoint, and I think those takes about girl power and badassery ignore all of this.

I don't agree the narrative is trying to make you think she has some kind of superior insight into Tommy as a character; if that were the case, he wouldn't have shot down her line about how she helped him through the grief over his wife. I do think that she was there to be a narrative parallel to him though. She's being exploited by her family, he's being exploited by Churchill (and her family), they end up forming an alliance in an attempt to subvert these powers.

I don't disagree that her character filled some stereotypes of cishet male sexual fantasies, at the same time I think she was more complex than this and the narrative had some compassion for her situation. I understand why you feel the way you do about her as a character but I don't share that opinion of her or of the other female characters on the show.

[stormyoceans]

[VICE VERSA episode 6 parts 1&2]

“It’s life to meet and part” … and meet again, since you fake-out bastards come back

Omg this scene confused the shit out of me before they revealed it’s a whole-ass brain production by one lovesick Puen

Good thing it /is/ a fantasy because I would’ve kicked his ass so hard for tossing the popcorn

Damn, dream!Talay wants to stop watching the movie and “get ready for bed”, that popcorn disaster really did it for him huh

DID HE REALLY SPELL OUT THE WHOLE THING TO TALAY IRL????

AND TALAY EVEN CALLS HIM OUT ON BEING A PERVERT

PUEN’S BEING SO HONEST ABOUT HOW HE FEELS, GOOD FOR HIM!!!!

“Seeing you 24/7 is heartwarming” my heart

Mm, I’m split on Talay’s “you should see others too” because yes it’s NEVER a good idea to obsessively attach yourself to just one person but on the other hand Talay probably doesn’t realise Puen’s just super-in-love

Oh right I forgot there was an intro

OH OH OH OHHHHH

The drums are my favorite part of this song they’re so good man

What is wrong with that damn megane lady

Instead of asking where Puen is the Nurse should’ve told Megane to get a life

“I haven’t seen him for a week” Jesus

Then again this is probably the way Puen thinks about Talay asldkjfkld

Why is Talay such a stick in the mud sometimes, fuck your game and play the guitar

I say as someone who loves gaming and gave up on playing the piano

(that was waaaaay back when I was a kid tho)

I’m so glad exams are a thing of the past, oh my god, fuck school

Tess’s friends getting all confused because their obnoxious friend got all solemn

But it’s nice that they took him seriously and came to cheer him up

Since Tess himself sure wouldn’t lmao

How often are you gonna repeat the “if this movie was aired in our universe” line omg

WHY IS HIS FRIEND SLEEPING THERE

AND HIS OTHER FRIEND THERE

So THAT’S the context for him jumping on the bed in the intro, I completely forgot

Yeah so the behavior Puen is exhibiting right now is not healthy, this is where he should indeed be spending time with others

Puen, put something on, god

I loooove it when Talay shows his considerate and caring side ughughugh

HUG!!!! I LOVE HUGS!!!!!

Also, FORESHADOWING OF THE CLIMATIC HUG???

“I stayed in. I didn’t contact anyone. I didn’t go anywhere” YOU WERE HEADIN’ STRAIGHT FOR DEPRESSION THIS IS SERIOUSLY NOT GOOD

“I couldn’t resist seeing you” You’re still allowed to SEE EACH OTHER!!!!

And if parting (to see each other next time) hurts that badly I /need/ you to get help

Talay immediately wants the dirt aksdfj

Puen looks like he needs a shower, when was the last time young man

“I like when you eat” I like when YOU take care of yourself

Is Up’s “foul mouth” a lost in translation thing? He was fine to me

I wonder if the high-five miss was a legitimate mistake and the actors just went with it lmao

Puen protecting the cookies for Talay lmao

Also wait their first movie failed even though we know Puen wrote the script from the heart so I guess Thailand just hates love

TALAY BEING IN LOVE!!!!

Oh my god if he did that to my ear he wouldn’t be in love because he’d be dead

Hey guys you know what else makes one tired? Se–

Talay putting his hand on Puen’s wrist ;;;;

Talay: I WANNA KNOW WHAT LOVE IIIIIIS

Omg this scene confused the shit out of me before they revealed it’s a whole-ass brain production by one lovesick Puen <<<<< LITERALLY WILL NEVER STOP LOSING MY GOD DAMN MIND OVER THIS LIKE PUEN REALLY DID COME UP WITH AN ENTIRE SCENARIO IN HIS HEAD ABOUT HIM AND TALAY LIVING TOGETHER AND IT WAS SO REALISTIC NONE OF US EVEN DOUBTED IT WASN'T ACTUALLY HAPPENING BECAUSE IN PUEN'S MIND THEIR RELATIONSHIP WOULD VERY MUCH STAY THE SAME EVEN IF THEY WERE TOGETHER. THEY WOULD STILL BICKER AND BANTER AND TEASE EACH OTHER BUT ALSO KISS AND BANG AND BE BOYFRIENDS. GOD IT'S ME AGAIN DON'T HANG UP IM IN A SITUATION

Damn, dream!Talay wants to stop watching the movie and “get ready for bed”, that popcorn disaster really did it for him huh <<<<< PUEN MADE HIM SAY THAT WITH THE MOST STUGGESTIVE TONE AND EXPRESSION TOO HE REALLY WAS ABOUT TO MAKE TALAY AS HORNY AS HE IS

DID HE REALLY SPELL OUT THE WHOLE THING TO TALAY IRL???? <<<<< YEP. YEAH. LIKE I REALLY NEED YOU TO LET THAT SINK IN FOR A SECOND. PUEN JUST SPENT 5 WHOLE MINUTES REVEALING TO TALAY ALL OF HIS ROMANTIC DOMESTIC HALF HORNY FANTASIES DOWN TO THE DETAILS AND TALAY STILL THINKS HE'S DOING IT FOR THE BIT. AND PEOPLE WONDER WHY DID I GO CRAZY JUST BLAME THESE TWO

“Seeing you 24/7 is heartwarming” my heart <<<<< puen really has been wanting to spend his entire time with talay since the beginning and yes it's because he's in love but he also just enjoys talay's company so much IM 🤧🤧🤧

Mm, I’m split on Talay’s “you should see others too” because yes it’s NEVER a good idea to obsessively attach yourself to just one person but on the other hand Talay probably doesn’t realise Puen’s just super-in-love <<<<< talay saying that always makes me want to tear my hair out in frustration and at the same time it's the reason why episode 7 is so emotionally satisfying to me, because he really Does Not Get It yet, how deep puen's feelings run and how honest he's being and how much he wishes for them to have a future together. at this point their attitude towards being each other's portkey also changed from the beginning, with puen now wanting and believing that to be true and talay thinking they should look for someone else, and you can sense the tension building and building until it's going to snap next ep

Oh right I forgot there was an intro <<<<< not to be disgustingly biased once again but vice versa best intro of the year i haven't skipped it ONCE in all the times i've rewatched the show

“I haven’t seen him for a week” Jesus <<<<< I SWEAR PEOPLE IN LOVE ARE SO ANNOYING THEY HAVEN'T SEEN EACH OTHER FOR A WEEK AND THEY'RE ACTING LIKE IT'S BEEN YEARS AND THERE'S AN ENTIRE OCEAN SEPARATING THEM WHEN TUN'S FAMILY'S PLACE IS PROBABLY JUST A TOWN OVER Y'ALL ARE SO EMBARRASSING ✋😭

Why is Talay such a stick in the mud sometimes, fuck your game and play the guitar <<<<< talay CAN be a bit harsh and uptight sometimes but he always ends up feeling bad and making up for it because in the end he can't really say no to puen (good luck with that talay sfjksgdksg)

I’m so glad exams are a thing of the past, oh my god, fuck school <<<<< BIG SAME TBH that's not a period of my life i want to revisit

Tess’s friends getting all confused because their obnoxious friend got all solemn // But it’s nice that they took him seriously and came to cheer him up <<<<< i swear kita and fuse are SUCH GOOD HOMIES and they care so much for their friend even if from their point of view he changed a lot and doesn't spend a lot of time with them anymore TESS DOESN'T DESERVE THEM

WHY IS HIS FRIEND SLEEPING THERE // AND HIS OTHER FRIEND THERE <<<<< tess' bed is big enough to fit the three of them but talay really said puen is the only person allowed to sleep next to me y'all can take the floor ✋

Yeah so the behavior Puen is exhibiting right now is not healthy, this is where he should indeed be spending time with others <<<<< this is something i haven't really talked about because a lot of people don't have the most positive feelings towards puen and i don't want to look like im justifying everything he does but tbh i think some of his behaviors tell a lot about the state of his mental health. there's a reason why he didn't want to go back to be himself and his real life, there's a reason why he went as 'tun' for so long and didn't tell talay his real name, and it has a lot to do with the fact that he never really liked being 'puen'. as soon as he loses the things and people that keeps him anchored (talay, up, aou, the screenwriting) he goes back to self-destructive behaviors that the show can't really explore in depth but are definitely there (like you mention in another comment i do think puen has struggled with depression in the past and i think the drink and drive is also a manifestation of that)

HUG!!!! I LOVE HUGS!!!!! // Also, FORESHADOWING OF THE CLIMATIC HUG??? <<<<< HUGS ARE THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD AND IM SO HAPPY PUENTALAY HAS LOTS OF THEM. it's also interesting to notice that in this episode there's definitely a big emotional shift in talay, who went from 'i don't like to be hugged' to hug puen basically in every episode from now on

“I couldn’t resist seeing you” You’re still allowed to SEE EACH OTHER!!!! <<<<< THEY REALLY ARE SO OVER DRAMATIC THEY STARTED COUNTING MINUTES AND SECONDS I HATE THEM ACTUALLY

Puen looks like he needs a shower, when was the last time young man <<<<< don't worry he's gonna ask talay to give him one soon

Is Up’s “foul mouth” a lost in translation thing? He was fine to me <<<<< i think talay mentioned that as something he missed from up in general, because usually up speaks very rudely (tho it's definitely something that doesn't translate as much in english because as a language it doesn't have all the different tones and polite particles that thai has)

I wonder if the high-five miss was a legitimate mistake and the actors just went with it lmao <<<<< im pretty sure it was an actual miss from the actors that they kept in the show!!! i think something like that happened at the end of episode 5 too, when up slapped the back of aou's head and aou's glasses fell on his face!!!

Puen protecting the cookies for Talay lmao <<<<< talay jokingly says he likes something ONCE and the next day he gets home to find the house filled to the brim with it hashtag true story

TALAY BEING IN LOVE!!!! <<<<< PHYSICALLY COMBUSTING EVERY TIME I SEE THE BED SCENE BECAUSE IT'S JUST!!!!!! SO MUCH!!!!!! talay saying what he missed about puen not because puen is listening but just because he feels like saying it and everything he lists being just so inherently PUEN and not linked to the body he inhabits  IM SORRY BUT THIS IS SIMPLY SO HIGH ROMANCE TO ME IF YOU SEE A HOODED FIGURE WANDERING THE STREETS WAILING DON'T BE AFRAID IT'S JUST ME

Oh my god if he did that to my ear he wouldn’t be in love because he’d be dead <<<<< sfjksgdj i've never had anyone touching my ears like that so idk how i'd react to it but i think at this point talay is so gone he'd let puen do anything to him [wink wink nudge nudge]

Hey guys you know what else makes one tired? Se– <<<<< i was about to say something but then i remembered talay suggested to pat puen's back and bum to help him get sleepy and puen was so on board with that....... UNBELIEVABLE

Talay: I WANNA KNOW WHAT LOVE IIIIIIS <<<<< at this point im pretty sure that's puentalay's go to karaoke song choice sfjksgf

[retphienix]

I did it :)

So, I cried. That's a given.

Also this might be the most overwhelmingly happy ending in the series so far, you know, if you're used to every entry ending with "KIRYU DIE?????"

Bonus points because this ending DID NOT immediately reveal that he lives! I know my intro here is all unserious and the like but genuinely, that does a lot for making the scene so much more impactful and it worked here even though I know he returns for Y6.

So, I'm gonna do this post like the last big post because there's too many thoughts to expel.

Timestamps as I rewatch so I can share my thoughts. Then a short conclusion because honestly? This game has taken all my words multiple times.

I just want to calmly and happily say my final piece at the end :)

0:39 - Spoiler, this ending SUCKS because it doesn't include a final rhythm battle for Haruka! Now I think I read somewhere that there's a member of that assassin clan she can dance battle as a final challenge but I clearly didn't do that right and missed out and that's beside the point- THERE'S NO RHYTHM GAMEPLAY IN THIS FINALE >:(

9:00 - I EARNED IT, I'M USING IT!

13:00 - Spoiler for later, Shinada doesn't get to say this from what I recall. Instead Baba gets a different wake up call, but that works out :)

17:00 - Not now, but this will come up, I offer to you my johns for what happens in the first boss fight. My eyes were dry as hell so I missed some QTEs which means I didn't get the flashiest stuff to happen. This actually happened at the end of Y4 also but I restarted just to capture good footage- not this time.

17:30 - MOUSE. MOUSE MOUSE, A LITTLE RAT, MOUSE. Love to see it.

19:00 - The audible sigh I let out when they played the same song I've heard like 40 times in my playthrough was palpable. I do dig the song! But there are what? 4 Idol songs? They really needed more or to not saturate their use so much :(

19:40 - I legitimately gasped and went "Oh no... of course it's you!" at Baba's role in this. It added a lot of weight to the way he practically begged Haruka not to show up.

20:50 - So here's the gist. Majima's plan didn't work out, we know that. Majima has a REALLY good line and motivator moment where he says he's following orders now to protect Haruka because she means more to Kiryu than anything (and that's how Majima rolls), Majima then reveals some shit which can be amounted to "I think you've gotten weak and wanted to protect you!!!!" which does ring slightly hollow since we saw Majima at a ridiculously low point earlier. So either his low point was him contemplating Saejima's survival chances, or his low point was sincere (it sure sounded it) and his worry over Saejima being weak was just also happening at the same time. I don't really mind either way to be honest, we beat him up. I fail some QTEs.

33:00 - Baba deciding not to fulfill his orders on his own accord is actually extremely important and good as hell. It shows that all this changed him and gave him the motivation to forge his own path- or rather it began to though he's overwhelmed with doubt. It's extremely good.

33:50 - The fact he intentionally leaves evidence shows how much doubt he has though, he's giving up entirely more than forging his own path, he's just refusing to follow the orders of another but hasn't found the strength to continue on his own. It's really good is all.

38:00 - This was the first cry I had beating the game x.x Shinada is just a phenomenally likeable character, and watching him accept where his life has gone and what it's meant to others is way more touching than I'd assume considering it's a tale of a baseball star.

40:50 - THIS WAS HYPE AS HELL AND LEAD TO MY SECOND CRY. THIS PRISON FAMILY HAS NO RIGHT BEING THIS ENDEARING. Also, more or less, they get to deliver the message Shinada was supposed to lol.

42:50 - THIRD AND BIG AS HELL CRY. SHINADA YOU FOOL, YOU'VE A FOUND FAMILY AFTER-ALL!!! I genuinely adore this moment so much is all. It's such a wonderful payoff for this loveable fool. After all the runnin' away he has a home.

43:36 - I love Shinada so much the silly fuck.

46:00 - I got a laugh out of Akiyama KICKING ASS in the news footage (didn't mention but the first brawl cutscene was rather lacking wasn't it?) and Kiryu just like... punches a guy. It's hilarious to me. Also you best believe- I UNLOCKED IT, I'M USING IT!!!

48:00 - Now this is a, well, it's a bad reveal. Like look, there is a metric ton of good going on in this finale- but the reveal that Aizawa is his son and is evil and is the final boss is just too much zero-build-up-payoff. It's the worst part. It's not like extremely detrimental or anything- like it doesn't take away from the good stuff- but it's just entirely uninteresting and bad. It makes Aizawa's interest in Morinaga bizarre and uninteresting since he got no payoff, he had buildup with Saejima and then in the final scenes he's just like "Yeah, Mori was nice but who gives a fuck I am the one who killed him (I think he said) and I aspire to be strong as fuck because all of YOU IDIOTS have FRIENDS and CHARISMA >:(" and like, who fuckin' cares bud.

52:00 - Now I'll more or less sum up all of Akiyama's payoff here. 1- I unlocked it so I'm gonna use it! 2- He offhandedly says he wants to be a legend in this town, which in Y4 he already was- he was a myth, a city mystery- but of course he means like Kiryu not the loch ness monster. 3- He gets to be a legend by being the only civilian (or person in general) the Omi would bow to. It's kind of not built up at all and is a bit lame, but to be honest Akiyama has a pretty bit part in this entire game. He's kinda just a convenient returning character with motivation to assist Kiryu and a career that allows motivation to get involved through Park. To be blunt, his part in the story is weak. I wish it was stronger. But it's inoffensive and he at least gets something- as minor as it is. Getting to say he's king of the world is something, you know?

56:00 - I will say that the build up of "Oh shit, these are Kanai's men!" and the reveal that "Oh shit! They are WATASE'S men and all the clans who the Tojo were seeking alliances with!" is a good one. Watase is a fine enough character which I bring up only because I was told he was a standout- but he wasn't for me. His scenes are great, his growth with Katsuya is nice, but he's barely in the game and really only exists to be betrayed and then to be like "I'm one of the good yakuza despite being a war-lusting one because being a good yakuza is just complicated enough to allow this overlap" which is interesting for sure, but I don't know. Unless he does stuff in the subsequent games I didn't catch much in this one. Maybe he does- I assume he runs the Omi now!

1:00:00 - I kinda summed it up but yeah. Here's the final boss, Aizawa, a character we were mislead on and who's motivation is empty as fuck. It's, whatever. It's not the good part of the ending. The good part is everything prior and directly after. Like his entire deal is anti-silver-spoon talking points but also he includes being charismatic or capable as silver spoon-isms??? He pretty much just wants to be leader because he's strong. He'd arguably be more interesting if he just said it that way.

1:11:00 - The lyrics to Dream are anything but subtle and I love them and I love Haruka. Sliding this in here- Majima gets no payoff >:( Park's dream is accomplished in seeing her star on the stage, but no Majima moment? No sight of him accepting her loss? Lame.

1:14:00 - I genuinely LOVE that Aizawa focuses in on Kiryu's gunshot wound. He still accepts it as a fair fight because Kiryu presents it as one, but even then he pays mind to it as you'd expect someone wanting to fight at their strongest would- he wants to fight Kiryu at his best and he's accepting this because Kiryu presents as his best even when wounded- it's pretty cool. Fight happens. It's fine stuff, flashy and fun. Still maybe the weakest final boss yet because he has no build up. I'd be the first to admit without looking it up I can't list every final boss thus far, but like, Nishi was built up, Mine was built up, Goda was built up, I just, in this moment, don't recall having a big "WHO THE FUCK, THIS MEANS NOTHING?" fight in yakuza and this is certainly one of those.

1:25:00 - I cried AGAIN. Haruka just hit me with a truck of emotion here is all.

1:41:15 - This is a beautifully shot, emotional, and tragic looking ending. Heck, at 1:43:00 I initially thought he was being awoken in a hospital bed and I was like "Heh, there's the old Kiryu dies fakeout!" but no! They hammer home, they go for broke, they give a TRAGIC AS FUCK bitter ending on top of an ending that's like 99% happy as fuck in terms of offering everyone involved hope for the future. This was a good end :)

So then, some overall thoughts I maybe didn't get out- I mean there's no way this post touches everything but I want to at least try to because I like sharin' the experience and what I got out of it.

The fighting styles were mighty uneven as far as strengths or fun factor. To be blunt,

Kiryu has an overpowered counter attack and heat mode and since heat mode is underwhelming as hell that means he has JUST a counter attack- his strikes don't really hit all that well considering the improvements other characters saw this time around, so he's a bit one note here.

Saejima feel even meatier than before, nothing particularly 'stands out' but the fact that he has super armor as long as he has heat is a pretty big factor in making him feel good to use.

Akiyama got the short end of the straw this time around. His new gimmick is the launch combos and they are... well... less than shit at least from what I could feel during gameplay. They don't hurt much, they burn heat like crazy, and they can MISS, all while being a move that targets just one enemy- has no counter to blocking or armor- and provides no armor in turn.

Despite not losing anything, he kinda got screwed.

(I'm lead to believe Akiyama is invulnerable during his aerial combos which my blurb in my finale post complained felt worthless and cited that as a reason.

If so then I was wrong but I still hold all my other complaints towards it, just not the 'it has no armor or invuln' bit assuming that's true.)

Shinada wins out for being unique and being a weapon oriented character that actually does well with weapons. Weapons have always been something I pretty much ignore in Yakuza and the series itself has always desperately tried to make them interesting with things like weapon skills, Kamiya works, and the like. But other than the god weapons like the golden gun weapons just never felt good to manage.

Using them, sure, that's fine, but managing them? Durability and skills and limited movesets and all that? Nah. But Shinada really does a lot to make them less shit! His innate abilities that raise durability a metric ton REALLY make weapons feel better to use with him- and his unique movesets with weapons are pretty damn good (mostly. The pipe/'normal one hander pole size object' moveset is worthless as heck, it regularly misses).

He's fun.

===

Revelations were a miss this time around for me. Since you couldn't have seen them if you tried on my blog let it be known- I ONLY got the quest related revelations for each character- which is to say- ONE rev per character.

Revelations in 5 are weapon based, and not just 'bat or pole or gun' or whatever- they are DISPOSABLE TEMPORARY weapon based.

What you are supposed to do is go to the specific place on the map where that one revelation weapon spawns, hope like hell you find an enemy, and wail on them like crazy. If you use a weapon x amount of times then you'll get a revelation according to the internet. This is beyond ridiculous and means a normal playthrough will get none of these, while a focused one will be bored out of their mind GRINDING to get these.

I did not bother.

===

Now.

Yakuza 5.

This might be my favorite Yakuza overall.

I still think 0 is probably the best overall for most people, it has the best style, it has from what I've experienced the best gameplay, it's story is tear jerking and exciting and fun.

But as a yakuza game overall, I really have to give it to 5 personally. Because 0 tried to work within its bounds- it made itself a great entry point to the series or a great addition to Yakuza 1 / Kiwami as background.

But 5 is building on 4 previous games and it does so fucking phenomenally.

There's something to be said about a later entry in a series gaining extra payoff thanks to multiple entries of build up and character depth and 5 fucking does it.

I just. It explores the motivation of some fan-favorites so well, it expands characters so fucking well, I know I've harped on about it but just Saejima- man! Saejima goes from a run of the mill "Decent" character to a fully fledged and explored entity! And I LOVE him!

And no he's not the only shining spot, like hell he is, but he's such a posterchild for what 5 does right in my eyes- take something that's already good and breath some life into it. Also I adore it's laser focus on a singular theme and all the ways it wanted to explore it.

Like. I think Kiwami and Zero take the cake for the most fun I've had " 'playing' Yakuza so far, but 5 takes the cake for the most fun I've had 'in general' like gameplay and me just thinking about it because there's so much to think on.

More time will tell as I compartmentalize my thoughts and perhaps forget some details as one does, but right this moment- this might be my favorite Yakuza game.

I love it.

Also, woot! I beat Y5 before Monhun Rise came out :D Now I can start that game without putting a story on hold!

...

Except I also told my sister that I'd start Omori after Y5. So I guess alongside monhun I'll be playing through a game with a hefty and wonderfully done story. Which is what I didn't want to do with Y5.

I just can't win, lol.

[rourhksapocolypse]

Knowing myself, and the way I write, speak, present myself... this is not "I've got things better" or "Oh, shit, I could've had it so much worse", for all that the latter does play a part. This is just a part of my story.

I understand what you're going through, to a degree. Much like Jeremaiah Cross in This Bites! Chapter... 35? or thereabouts, when he's talking about Slavery and ending a cycle of semi-meaningless hatred that comes from a legitimate place, I cannot speak for you or others who've suffered through ADHD and related mental struggles, only share your words and spread awareness.

As for myself? I was diagnosed with ADHD, prescribed 10mg methylphenidate three times daily, and it did help me focus, function like a normal person. (almost put in an accidental plug for The Whole Is Other than the Sum of its Parts there). I stopped taking the meds as an adult and, while I struggled, I found ways to power through adapt. "Power Through" never made sense to me, because it wasn't some sort of mental wall or terrain stopping me.

An Adult Diagnosis showed that I am not ADHD (and as obvious as this is to anyone who ever studied genetics and how ADHD actually works, I never was).

Instead, I was re-diagnosed with Moderate-to-Severe Asperger's Syndrome.

Think Autism's slightly friendlier cousin. And no, vaccines do not create this. This is genetic, something you are born with, built with.

I have full control of my limbs (for the most part - but that's a skill thing and muscle flutters, not "I can't move when/where I want"), and for pure numbers I have actual intelligence, where most math is easy for me, and logical things make total sense... kinda. I'm usually missing a few steps that are totally obvious to other people.

Where @thebibliosphere struggled with a brain that refused to work, simply because it wanted to live up to me calling it a massed jumble of half-stripped wires in a chemical vat, constantly overstimulated from what I've read above and possibly worse, I simply was born with disconnects in the social and communicative centers of the brain.

Most people build a library of "How to People" just by growing up, without realizing said library exists. I needed people, fictional or otherwise to point out "Okay, person A did B because C, and this is what D looks like on their face", repeatedly, because my library was built in a rainforest without a roof... for given values of "library", and ink doesn't like wet paper or being diluted. I estimate my 27-year-old self as having the same size library as a toddler, maybe 3-4 years old.

I wasn't overstimulated. I was Isolated.

Few to no friends all throughout life because of the difficulty (or pointlessness) of acting "Normal", difficulty adapting anything already covered by a habit (such as walking home, bad work habits, not completing court-ordered community service within a generous time frame...) for changing daily requirements, and because of my idiotic, maybe-prideful unwillingness towards basic self-care (i.e. showers, teeth brushing, cleaning up the trash in my room), I have driven my impossibly patient and understanding mother to hurt yelling, adding unnecessary stresses on top of her own failing health and packed late-life-schedule.

About my only real accomplishments are graduating high school, working through a number of video games (and maintaining a high relatively high degree of accuracy in various shooters), and holding my first job for the better part of 5/6 years. Oh, and finishing a single- two fanfictions, but one was a one-shot.

Where there are no rules, no clues to formulate a "This is what's going on" idea, I struggle. And what clues I do have, tend to be wrong. Can I tell Teasing from Sarcasm from Hurtful Lies? Mostly no. I don't draw conclusions from voice modulation (aka, tone of voice) so I look to the words themselves, and even friendly stuff, worded wrong, can be incredibly hurtful. Just this last wednesday, I was pushed to tears because my partner for the day mentioned he was giving up on trying to help me.

Like, yes, I know that I can be stupid, struggle with adapting, slow, and hard of understanding, but my system works and accounts for my failures! It makes those failures a part of the system! If I'm "unavoidably" slow at doing this part, that part has more time to work!

But I never had a chance to explain that, so I've marinated in that pain and humiliation for the last two days.

And in all of that, I have lost control of my own post. All I wanted to do was sympathize, and spread awareness of those same medical difficulties with ADHD, adding on a little about struggling with Autism/Asperger's, but... where do I go from here?

I guess,

I guess, all I can do is say, go looking for the medical documentation, and be patient. Understanding. Seek awareness, seek The Truth.

If medication is available, and your budget isn't looking like some toilet paper, then go for it. Find programs and therapists that understand Autism Family Disorders and listen to the advice they give. Apply that advice, don't just let it go in one ear out the other.

And if you find someone who can stand you? Who not only enjoys your presence but actually seeks it out, not for random trivia or things you can do for them but for straight up companionship? Don't let them go. And support them when they need it as they no doubt will for you.

"But you're so successful without it."

Content warning: This post contains mentions of suicidal ideation.

I got a message earlier tonight that I'm not going to post, but I did ask the person involved if I could talk about what we subsequently ended up talking about in DMs because I feel it's important.

Basically, it was along the lines of "My kid got diagnosed with ADHD and really wants to try meds. I know from reading your blog that correct treatment for ADHD can be really beneficial, but I just don't think she's severe enough to need them."

The message then went on to ask me, as someone who is unmedicated with ADHD, for some tricks and tips on how to be successful without medication because clearly, look how well I'm doing without them. I mean, look at my blog, look at my book(s)! Surely if I can do all that without ADHD meds, other people can too. Surely there's a trick. A skill. Something you can learn if you just try hard enough...

This is not the first time I have received a message like this. In fact, I probably get about 2-5 messages like this a week.

Usually from other people who also have ADHD/suspect ADHD but don't want medication because they don't think they need it/don't want to need it, and yet can't figure out why they're struggling so much, and ask me how do I do the thing(s) and cope so well and get so much done, etc., etc.

So I'm going to tell you what I told this person tonight in case it helps someone. Yes, I have ADHD. No, I am not medicated due to severe health complications, and yes, I get a lot done. From the outside, I am sure it looks incredibly productive and successful. But I'm going to let you in on what that success feels like.

It feels like dying.

It feels like my brain is on fire; every nerve in my body scraped raw; every part of me wired and exposed to the noise of the world. There is no quiet; there is no calm. And even when my brain does fall silent, it's another kind of death. The inside of my head is sludge, flowing uphill like treacle, weighing me down, pulling me under in the riptide of my inability to focus. I can see what needs to be done, I can see it so clearly, yet sometimes it's like I don't control my own body. Not enough dopamine. Not enough brain chemicals for the message I'm screaming in my head to make my limbs do the simplest of tasks. Like, feed myself. Take a shower. Answer that email. Text my friends back. Go to bed when I'm tired. Write a best-selling novel...

A novel that almost killed me and not because of my other ailments, but because of my unmedicated ADHD.

I didn't realize it at the time, but I was already operating at critical mass when I went into final rewrites/edits. Every coping mechanism I had fell apart. Like training wheels falling off a tricycle, leaving me to wobble unsteadily until the main wheels fell off, swiftly followed by the handlebars until all that was left was me peddling frantically trying to keep my balance and not getting anywhere. I didn't realize it then, but I was heading towards a complete mental collapse. And even when I dragged myself across the finish line with the above and beyond help provided by my friends and editors, I was so burned out I couldn't enjoy my success. Worse, my success made me suicidal.

It took me until very recently, almost two years later, to be able to read Phangs without feeling suicidal. My brain associated it with the trauma of experiencing complete ADHD burnout but having to complete a monumental task anyway.

I had to go into intensive therapy to recover. I am still in intensive therapy for it.

It took me even longer after that to be able to sit down and write without harming myself. I still struggle with it, and I tell you this in all honest sincerity in the hope it makes you realize what it costs me to be "successful" and unmedicated.

And this wasn't the first time I've had to deal with this, either.

I struggled all through high school, all through college, all through every career job I ever had, knowing there was something wrong, but not quite being able to put my finger on it because hey, I still got stuff done, so it couldn't be that bad, right? Surely everyone went through life feeling this way? Right?

...right?

It wasn't until I got my ADHD diagnosis as an adult that I realized what was happening. Why I struggled so much. Why life was so hard. In many ways, it was like the sun coming up. An internal dawning of realization and acceptance, but also rage.

So much rage.

Rage at how much I'd had to struggle because no one noticed because I was quiet and undisruptive. Rage at a system that forced me to learn in ways that were not intuitive to my brain. To always being told, "doesn't apply herself" while it felt like I was clawing my brain apart trying to do what people wanted from me. To a work-life balance, that rewards all the things that make ADHD actively worse. Rage. So much rage it hurts. And to top it all off, I can't be medicated for it. I finally know what's different, I finally know why my world feels raw and turned inside out, and I can't take any of the medications that might help me.

Do you know how angry I wake up every day that there is a possible solution just within my grasp, but my health conditions prevent me from trying them? Do you know how much it hurts? How much I grieve for the person I could be if I was able to have help beyond therapy and coaching? How much happier I could be...

Not productive. Not successful. Happy.

So ask yourself, what do you want more? A child who has to go through all of this and resents you for prolonging their suffering? Who winds up hating themselves by internalizing the false concept that if they just try hard enough, they can do whatever they set their mind to.

Or do you want to help them?

Or if this is you, why are you afraid to help yourself?

Please, don't use me as an example to harm yourself or others. Yes, I am successful without medication. But the toll is high. Too high.

Rid yourself of the idea that you need to suffer more to be allowed help. You don't. They don't. No one does.

[basket-of-radiants]

OMG!! I DON'T HATE MOASH EITHER!!!! Like I saw Elhokar dying from a mile away and I wasn't that invested in him. Also, Szeth is annoying? Why do people like Szeth (who literally killed SO MANY PEOPLE! And the rock didn't compel him? It was a normal rock?) and hate Moash?

Oooooookay. There’s. A lot to unpack here. I know you were trying to be relatable, but I reeeeeally disagree with a lot of this. (Let’s see how comprehensible I can be this late at night.)

Like first off and most importantly, how dare you call Szeth annoying, he’s my favorite character. He is a massive murderous disaster with the most edgy and Extra™ POV narration I have ever seen and I love him. (You must be new here; this is basically a Szeth fan blog.)

As for Elhokar, I wouldn’t at all say I wasn’t invested-I quite liked him in Oathbringer and I certainly was not happy that he died. I found his arc to be quite compelling, and even though he was late to the game, I appreciate that he was doing his best to assume responsibility in whatever ways he could. Like I dunno, he admitted his mistakes and worked to improve. Maybe it was too little and too late, I don’t think there’s an objective answer to that kind of thing. I do tend to hold characters who are members of the aristocracy to a higher standard than other characters, and I wouldn’t necessarily say he was a good king yet, but he was certainly trying, and that I would have liked to see. (I wasn’t quite as interested in him becoming a radiant, but that plotline didn’t happen anyway in the end so w/e.) I’m not going to be talking about him much, but please know you don’t need to defend him as a person to me, I already appreciate him.

However I don’t see the need to pick Moash or Elhokar over one another. I can understand why if you liked a character then you would hate whoever killed them, but I’m not really like that. Actually I’m glad you brought up Szeth because he’s a great example of that. I have been in love with him since chapter one. In Words of Radiance he tried-and very nearly succeeded-to murder Dalinar, Adolin, and Kaladin. Of course I hoped he wouldn’t succeed. Of course I wanted them to survive. But even if he had killed one-or hell all-of them, I genuinely believe I would still like him as a character. Part of that is Szeth’s circumstances-I know that he never (welllllll) actually had ill will towards these people and I know he’s already going to suffer for any actions he takes. He knew what the right thing was, and he would have done the wrong thing, knowing it was the wrong thing to do. That’s honestly a lot of what attracts me to his character, he has this web of contradictions that he both hates and depends on and it can be fascinating to watch. I both want him to accept responsibility for his actions and find it hard to blame him for them. Moash on the other hand is in a totally different situation, but I feel like I can apply similar principles to him. If I can still appreciate Szeth’s character in spite of all he’s done, then I feel I can do the same for Moash. I happen to not think Moash’s actions were as objectively bad as a lot of people did, but I’ll get to that later.

One thing I do agree with you on is that Szeth is a worse person than Moash. No seriously, if you want to tell me that Moash is bad because of his actions in Oathbringer, you’ll have to convince me that his actions are so bad that they’re worse than all the killing and destabilizing of entire nations that Szeth has done. Again, I don’t entirely blame Szeth, but it is his fault. And if we’re going by actions alone, then he’s done a hell of a lot worse than quite a lot of characters. That’s fine though, because I don’t judge characters by their actions alone. There’s a reason these are told as nuanced stories with the points of view and feelings of different characters taken into account and not as history textbooks just stating the events that happened.

(Hopefully this all ties together. It’s after 2 am and I have no idea where I’m going with this. Be prepared for tangents.)

So! Let’s talk about Moash.

I’m sure I’m not fully representing all the richness of the anti-Moash arguments here because it seems people have spent a lot of time finding reasons to hate him. I’d guess there are a few main reasons? From what I can tell, they are (in no particular order) betraying Kaladin/Bridge Four, Killing Elhokar, Killing Jez, and the whole denying personal responsibility thing. There’s a also just a lot of general hate and calling him an asshole (which I really don’t get? I don’t think he’s ever just been needlessly cruel or anything, I mean he hates lighteyes but that’s about it) but that’s kind of hard to argue about so whatever. Anyway if those are absolute sticking points for you, and you cannot possibly like a character who did those things, then I guess that’s fine, you do you. I’m mostly just going to set out my interpretation of the character and talk a little bit about my beliefs. It’s not really a defense per se, but it’s how I understand him.

I want to talk about the Alethi. Moash’s character is clearly focused heavily on themes of revenge. We’re already not off to a great start here because I personally do not believe in revenge. I do believe in justice, and I think that for Moash the two are one and the same. I also think that for literally the entirety of Alethi culture the ideas of justice and revenge are one and the same. See, that’s something I am willing to blame on circumstance. It’s not just the Alethi, all across Roshar violent crimes (which I would consider the deaths of Moash’s grandparents to be) can be punished by execution, and while, again, I disagree, it’s indisputably the cultural norm. (The act of forgiveness that characters like Kaladin were showing is a radical thing.) In terms of Moash’s vengeance, I find it really hard to condemn that when he’s trying to kill just one guy, if we’re not also going to massively get on Dalinar’s case and Elhokar’s case and fucking everyone else’s case for waging a six year genocide war on the Parshendi for the sake of revenge. Violence is an Alethi cultural value-it has repulsed me since day one but it’s very much undenyable.

That’s just something to mull on, it’s honestly not even one of the more major factors in terms of how I view Moash. His revenge aspect in Oathbringer was less interesting to me than other aspects of him, but as that is a part of his character, I wanted to first set aside why I can…well, set it aside.

In Words of Radiance, Kaladin very much sympathized with Moash. Not only that, he legitimately felt Moash was in the right for a considerable amount of time. The turning point for Kaladin was coming to the realization that Elhokar was an important person to Dalinar, which is all well and good, but it doesn’t actually address these underlying contradictions. I actually found that very frustrating at the time when I read it, so I might not be the most objective judge when it comes to Moash’s betrayal. I do know that before Elhokar’s assassination attempt, Moash had not gone forward with anything until Kaladin was on board. And he didn’t know that Kaladin was “off board” until he was already in the middle of the act. Kaladin, to his credit, did offer him an out, but for someone like Moash who had been working tirelessly in anticipation of this moment…I can understand why he wasn’t that receptive then and there. Moash certainly threw the first punch, but he also felt betrayed in that moment. In Oathbringer, at the core of his anger, there was the thought “Kaladin was protecting a murderer” which was how the whole scene had seemed framed to him. Perspective is crucial for understanding Moash. I guess think if Kaladin’s best friend, after learning the truth about Amaram and all he’d done and acknowledging that it was horrible, had at the last moment put their life on the line to protect him. In the end, Moash still felt terrible about having hurt Kaladin and Kaladin had felt terrible about letting Moash get to that point. Both of them regretted everything having to do with the assassination attempt when they went their separate ways.

I don’t know if it seems like I’m taking Moash’s side here, because I’m honestly not trying to do that, I honestly don’t view it as “sides” I view it as two different characters deserving of understanding.

But again! I actually tend not to think about Elhokar’s death in terms of revenge as much as one might expect!

Next I would like to talk about the circumstances under which Elhokar was killed. Because…it was a battle, you know? People on both sides were killing people on both sides. Moash killed Elhokar, but someone else could have been the hand to hold the spear just as easily. I don’t think there was coincidence, I do think that Moash was intentionally seeking to kill Elhokar once he realized he was there. But here’s my super controversial take? In that kind of situation, revenge or not, I don’t even think he was wrong to do so. Moash’s goal was to help and serve the soldiers on his (the singers’) side. If Elhokar had lived, they would have had a shardbearer and another radiant to have to deal with. Lots of named characters in that scene (god that scene was so sad to read) killed lots of named characters on both sides. If Elhokar’s side had gained the upper hand, Khen and Moash probably would have died. In a situation like that, I’m not really sure I can be mad at him for doing a tactically correct move like that, even if his intentions were more personal.

That’s actually…kind of a big distinction between how I view Moash and how a lot of people do. I know there were a lot of people who were holding out for a potential redemption until Moash killed Jez, but I didn’t…exactly…see it as a thing that needed redeeming. I didn’t want Elhokar to die, of course I didn’t, but Moash was a soldier in combat, who just so happened to be faced off against someone he saw (and not necessarily incorrectly at that) as representative of all the discrimination and suffering he’d endured. What do you expect him to do?

Yes, it sucks that he killed Elhokar while he was in the middle of changing, but you can’t honestly expect Moash to know about that.

I mentioned Jez, so let’s start on him next. I will admit, when I was reading Oathbringer, the point at which Moash killed Jez was a very “what the fuck” moment for me. But…honestly the more I think back on it and try to understand him, the more it seems that that was the obvious course of action for him. After all, at that point in the story, I already knew and had accepted that he had defected to the singers’ side. (God his defection is another really fascinating thing actually! And it’s honestly such a huge part in why I care about him even now. I would love to talk a bit about Moash’s relationships with the singers vs the humans in more detail at some point, but this post is probably already way too long. Someone remind me later, I promise the post will be shorter than this one.) He was also literally a slave, but not just that, he was a slave who genuinely wanted the side he was working for to succeed. And also a soldier who had killed before. Honestly, if the fused had asked him to kill someone for them, it would surprise me more if he didn’t do it for them.

I think after he killed Elhokar, Moash was at his lowest point. He was already depressed and really fucked up, but the idealized idea of vengeance deep inside him still had somehow kept him going. Then when he finally got what he had been dreaming of he didn’t feel happy or satisfied or any of that. Not only that, but in having completed his goal he no longer felt he had any purpose. So why not do whatever the fused ask of him? He has no ambition of his own, but he truly believes that once they’re in power, they’ll make a better, fairer society for people in the future. Honestly the more I think about it, the fact that Jez was a herald is all the more reason for Moash to agree to kill him. It provided a very real tactical advantage in a war. I’m not going to touch on whether this act was right or not, but I know that I personally can understand why Moash felt that helping the side of the singers was the right thing to do. And I guess if I can accept that then everything else follows.

As for the personal responsibility thing, I…don’t judge him very much for that. He was a slave, he was dysfunctional and depressed, and his mind kept returning to how he had hurt Kaladin which I’m pretty sure also sort of makes him hate himself. If he needed coping mechanisms to stay alive in that situation, then I’m willing to accept that. Even if he hadn’t had that mindset, he would still be a slave in the exact same situation. And…honestly he’s really not the first character to be in heavy denial over personal responsibility and past actions. I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you about the other examples.

When I was reading Oathbringer my sister and I talked a lot about this worldview, “Alethi society is bad so anything I did when I was a part of it can be written away, because being in that bad society is really what’s to blame.” I will admit I was sort of doing that earlier in this very post, although my intention was more to highlight hypocrisy than anything else. Moash’s denial of personal responsibility probably would have rubbed me the wrong way a lot more if he…didn’t actually take responsibility…all over the place… He stood up for Sah, Khen, etc. when they were being hurt and took it upon himself personally to risk his life to go talk to management and angrily give them constructive criticism on how to make their society fair. He definitely blames his past on the society he lived in, but in the present he was adamant that that had been bad and so the next thing has to be better. Flawed as it may have been, I think it was his way of putting his past behind him and accepting his new life.

Again, not saying that this mentality is good or even justifiable, that’s up to you. I feel that it’s at the very least compelling.

…WHICH! To tie it all together, here’s why I like Moash. In Oathbringer he is a mess of a person, but I still find a lot of nuance and this broken sort of humanity in his actions. I can tell that he still cares about right and wrong, he just feels it’s impossible to find justice in the preexisting human society. (I wanna talk more about his opinions on the singers later.) He definitely did bad things, but he’s not so far gone that I don’t think he’s worth understanding. I don’t necessarily like characters just because they’re good or nice people, they can even be irredeemable people, and maybe Moash is just that. I don’t know. I understand why people would feel that way about him, I really do. But I still find his story compelling, I’m still interested to see what he does next, and against all reason, I’m still hoping he somehow makes it out okay somehow.

It’s like after 3:30, jesus, I need to sleep. Um. Reeeeal quick end notes. This post was mostly me rambling about the bad shit he did in Oathbringer, but I think he did good stuff too! He is a morally grey character and I would go into that more if I weren’t so tired. Uh. I’m sorry for writing so much, I know this probably isn’t what you expect from this kind of blog. If you actually read all this then 1) wow and 2) lmk how comprehensible it was. Also if there’s anything I’m wrong about lmk I do not mind criticism.

Yeah. G’night.

[whateverisbeautiful]

Reveling in Richonne

#28: The Dread (6x16)

While the cliffhanger was controversial, I really feel like, up until that moment, this finale was a pretty stellar episode of television.

The suspense, the build up, the tension, the road maze from hell. It was all almost too much for my heart to bare lol. By the time Negan got on the screen I couldn't even look at the TV. I was so overwhelmed that someone I loved was about to go in a brutal and tragic way.

Now, Michonne was unseen and cooped up by the Saviors for most of the episode. Meanwhile, Rick was having the worst day of all time. The finale is called "Last Day on Earth" but it's also legitimately the worst day on earth too. Like talk about a bad day, filled with mind games, and torment on every corner.

Bad days are expected in the apocalypse, even crazy days, but it seems like the moment where this day went from horrible to a downright nightmare for Rick was when he found Michonne's hair on a walker.

First of all, what sick ignant Savior cut Michonne's hair for this little visual demonstration!? Imma need him to stand up and get Lucilled real quick. 😂 But anyways, as Rick's group faces this chain of walkers, Aaron notices that a walker has Michonne's vest and hair on her. When they point this out to Rick, you can almost see the fight leave Rick's eyes. Like he’s been pretty confident most of the episode but seeing this walker is when his demeanor changes.  

He just stops. You can see him visibly needing a moment to process that walkers have both Daryl and Michonne’s items on them. And then after the initial shock, he rips the locs off the walker and hacks the walker’s wrist as Saviors shoot at their feet. Y'all, I admit when I first saw this I was tempted to be salty, cuz I was like "The writers better not be trying to use this “wrist hack” to make Michonne seem even remotely similar to that Other-girl-I-don't-know". But then I took a deep breath and reminded myself "This is different, girl. Remember?" 😂.

And, honestly, I think the parallel shots of Rick hacking these wrists was done in order to emphasize how different Rick responds to seeing the other chick actually eaten, and then seeing just the suggestion that something bad has happened to Michonne. The level of shook is drastically different when it has to do with Michonne lol.

But anyway, this moment changed the game for Rick cuz now it wasn't just a gut feeling that Michonne wasn't safe it was a confirmation. I love that we get a fairly long moment to see that Rick still has those locs in his hands when they’re back in the RV. Like he could have just dropped them, but he still has them, cuz any part of Michonne is a valuable part to him.

Can we also talk about the significance behind this visual of a white man holding the locs of his Black wife on the highest rated television show? Like it was truly a great and unique image to behold. And what’s so cool is that, in this moment, that wasn't a Black girl’s piece of hair, it was just his wife's piece of hair. And that's all that mattered.

He looks so shook and so broken and you can tell it's taking everything in him to not lose it. I promise I'm not trying to be over dramatic lol, it was just so visibly clear that seeing her hair really messed him up. Like he’s not fully there in that RV as the others continue to strategize. It was significant to see Rick in this state over Michonne because it illustrated just how much he cares, that he could need an actual moment to just reel over this, despite all the other craziness going on.

I really think that finding that hair was the Saviors most effective way of breaking him on those roads. They didn't even need to do all that extra stuff cuz this did the trick. Like they can pull that intimidation stuff all day and he'd be mostly unbothered but alluding to messing with TF is another story. And specifically, alluding to having hurt or taken the love of his life is really what nearly took him out. But being a fighter, he found that little emergency bank of energy he needed to keep going. It’s sweet that, even when he slightly regroups and rejoins the conversation in the RV, he is still holding her hair. 

You can imagine how much Rick’s heart probably sank when Michonne was pulled out of that van during the lineup. Like if there's three people Rick feels completely obligated to protect it's; Carl, Judith, and Michonne. And now here two of them are, kneeling right with him, completely defenseless. I feel like his reaction when he saw Michonne pulled out of the van had to do with part of him being relieved that she's not dead, and then another part that dreads that she's here and captured and knowing they're about to go through something horrible together. 

There was a part of me that was greedy at first and wanted R&M to have a more obvious noticing of one another during this lineup scene, but in the end, I'm super glad it was subtle as it kept them protected. Imagine if a Savior had picked up on the fact that the leader of this group had a wife? After seeing what happens with other couples in this lineup...yeah Richonne needed to be subtle while in enemy territory. Especially since Rick had all eyes on him due to carrying the burden of being the leader. 

Rick was feeling a whole lot in this scene, but I also think about how Michonne must have been feeling. She has been stuck in this dark closed space, with no real clue of what's going on out there, or how many people there are. All of a sudden, she hears these Weirdos start whistling like a Thug Choir and then she hears Simon talking menacingly in a way only Steven Ogg can (a great actor btw). And then she's brought out and what does she see? Her husband, her son and her extended family all on their knees. That had to make her heart sink to the floor too. To know that your family is the reason for the whistling and they’re the ones these men were threatening. At that moment everyone in that lineup had to know this was about to be the worst night of their lives. 

As everything goes from bad to worse, it has to be so hard for both Rick and Michonne cuz they can't protect everyone like they've so often done in the past. When Negan came out, I love that Michonne stayed looking at him like "I wish you would try me and my family". 😂 I thought Negan was about to get “warning popped” right then and there if they hadn't been so surrounded. 

I love that her and Carl and Abe were really the only ones sitting up straight and looking Negan in the eye. They were not impressed with this fool and they were like “He can catch my fade all day with his scarf-wearing behind.” Again, I was here for it. And, for the record, I do not fault Rick for being more vulnerable in the lineup. It makes a whole lot of sense. He had a lot to worry about and he felt responsible for this predicament, even though it wasn't his fault. Plus, if he looked too defiant while Negan did his spiel things could have escalated with a quickness.

Everybody had really great performances in this episode. But let me tell you a little something about Andrew Lincoln...

I know so many people have already said this, but allow me to join you in saying; Andrew Lincoln has been deserving award recognition since season one, but the world-class acting this man did all throughout this 6x16 episode deserved all the Emmys and Golden Globes you could throw at him. This man is a brilliant talent and the heart of this show and that absolutely shined through in this episode. Seeing Rick, the man we've all come to know, and love, and trust, be so completely broken and helpless. The dread was overwhelming and so real. I mean, you genuinely felt everything he was feeling and Andrew Lincoln's performance in this episode was unforgettable and A1 and something special to witness. Truly. 

Even in just these first twenty minutes of Negan I remember thinking, "Sure he's a legit and intimidating threat, but his downfall is going to be not realizing the power of the Grimes family" Like one; the minute Negan started to take interest in Carl, all bets were off, and Rick had to speak out, cuz there is no amount of threatening that's gonna allow you to try his son. And then Carl was ready to post up the entire time. And then Michonne's challenging look. I was like "Negan, honey, a lot of people who try the Grimes boys end up on the sharp end of her sword and you next, boo. It might be seasons from now, but you are next if you don't realize the power of this family." 

I felt for everyone in this lineup but especially Rick and Michonne cuz I know how wired they are to protect their family, and their son in particular. And it was heartbreaking because you could see them trying to compute some sort of solution and escape route. And then you can see them having to accept they're just going to have to let what happens happen. And, man, did something devastating happen. With Season 6 coming to a close, there was a lot to process overall, and especially with Richonne. Now that I was no longer general audience, for the first time, the hiatus would be a long one. I found myself constantly wanting to think about Richonne's scenes and how beautiful their relationship was and I refused to entertain the idea that Michonne was the LV as I, like the rest of the world, wondered who got the bat. (I still know the dang order of the lineup lol). It was not going to be Michonne who got the bat, because I was certain we had a whole lot more Richonne coming our way in Season 7. 

It would be a while before I learned there was a name for my ever growing, internal, Richonne obsession but, whether I knew it or not, by the end of the season I was totally entranced by Richonne. I didn't try to be. I was so not someone who would ever get caught up in romance and lovey dovey stuff, especially between a fictional couple (I promise you, I'm aware they are fictional lol😋). But this time I had no choice in the matter.

Their relationship was too beautiful, too authentic, the actors too talented, their coupling too meaningful, too special for me to not adore them. As I like to say; After 6B, I didn't choose the Richonne life the Richonne life chose me lol. 😊 

And now Season 7 is where the real fun begins 😉😋

[kindabraveandlittlestupid]

A Love/Hate Review of the movie Black Panther and my thoughts on feelings on this MCU addition. Please note these are just my feelings and thoughts on the film, its an opinion and I am simply one guy from the internet so if there is something you agree with (great) and something you disagree with (also great) just know I am not looking to have a fight over an opinion, which lets be frank have very little influence over the real world and your own like/dislikes.

After watching the trailer and months later stepping into the movie theater, I carried with me three concerns I hopped the movie would address. The first was noting Wakanda’s isolationism in the trailer wondering why a country so advanced would allow so much chaos to go on around them which was addressed and also a main plot point in the movie carrying some good political messages with it. A+. The second was a concern for the score of the movie worried they might go the way of Blade or Daredevil letting a bunch of artists put some random songs to the movie which would feel out of place but instead they opted for the orchestra with some heavy influences from proper African music. A++. The last prejudgment was the suit being bulletproof which I could get behind with Vibranium but somehow not being affected kinetic energy (momentum) from a projectile IE AK 47 being shot at him close range. Which he would have jerked back after being shot but instead shrugged the bullets and absorbed their energy. D -. Call me a stickler but I take the Neil deGrasse Tyson approach to movies and let science influence my opinion when watching while the kinetic energy could be absorbed he is still wearing a soft flexible suit which would have had him bruised and on his ass during that first convoy attack scene.

With those three concerns addressed going into the movie, I found there were some things I loved about the movie and somethings I hated as well. I know not everyone will agree with me on this but like I said its an opinion and we all have the right to be critical of art. It's once you go from being a critic to making personal attacks against other people or the actors/crew themselves that your opinion doesn't matter anymore... looking at you Star Wars Fanboys attacking The Last Jedi.

Shuri (Love) Getting past the immediate point that I think she is beautiful, she is easily my favorite character in the movie. She injected the humor, was a proper heroine and above all else the smart girl in the movie. I don’t know why it's so important to me personally being a white guy and all but I been wanting to see a female scientist role filled by Black Woman. Perhaps it was the fact Ghostbusters 3 had that chance but dropped the ball with Leslie Jones, The Martain had a bunch of white astronauts and only one of them was Latino, Marvel itself had been lacking a smarty character who wasn't Stark or Strange, or perhaps Geostorm (god knows why I watched that movie) had a black astronaut female but I can only remember her in one scene. I know lots of people got excited for Black Panther for its dominantly African American cast (no love for Luke Cage?) but to me personally seeing Shuri as the inventor of Wakanda was the major win in the movie and I hope to see more of her in the next Infinity War and BP2. 

Heart-Shaped Herb/Vibranium (Love/Hate) I am used to many films using a MacGuffin and/or Applied Phlebotinum where something or some item seems to have a cure-all effect for the storyline that explains everything away without explaining anything. The Force, the Infinity Stones, Asgard Magic = Science, and so on most of the Marvel movies utilize something like this so I am no subtracting points completely for Black Panther doing the same but whenever I asked questions about how Black Panther never gets bruised I hear (it's because of the Herb) and no one seems too eager to break down the ‘How’ aspect behind the story. With Stark we could believe in the concept of the arc generator powering his suit and keeping shrapnel from his heart, it was explained during the movie. Black Panther, on the other hand, felt like the writers kinda mumbling “Something something something Vibranium allows them to do it” without investing to the audience's intelligence that might be able to follow along with the logic. Maybe I watched too much Star Trek and appreciate a universe that had explanations and limitations for its fantasy tech but there it is.

Killmonger (Hate) Perhaps spoiled again by good writing in other movies or years of reading comics in both the DC and Marvel Universe but Killmonger (to me) was an underdeveloped villain that quite honestly seemed kinda forced on the internet community as "the Best Marvel Villain" which I honestly feel he isn't deserving of. Here is a list of reason why I don't think he was the best.

CIA Colonizer - I realize Colonizer is supposed to be at a sting for early white exploration building colonies around Africa, Asia, India, etc but hard to feel empathy for Killmonger when served their interests so wholeheartedly. He felt justified for learning their tactics by going to Afghanistan and racking up kills of people who were not colonizers at all just Afganies. 

Dead Girlfriend - He seemed to have a relationship with one girl who was going to come back with him to Wakanda before Killmonger shot her in order to get to Klaw. I am aware this is supposed to make him look like a cold-hearted killer but its just another victim under his rampage towards the throne.

Civil War - The attempted to play up that this was his plan all along as some sort of calculated long game but the underhanded approach of trying to shame T’Challa only fractured the Wakanda people and undermind his legitimate claim to the throne. Not to mention the resulting battle ended up leaving hundreds of Wakandans dead on a battlefield when the two factions clashed.

A Stupid Fucking Plan - So his plan, in the end, was to export weapons to communities to fight ‘colonizers’ all over the world. Sounds like a solid idea but is it? It was one of those plans that were less sound the more you think about it. Was he going to deliver arms to who? Northern African Terrorists (Boko Haram) the same who kidnapped hundreds of school girls? Was he going to deliver it to inner cities in the United States where there would be massive collateral damage in black neighborhoods and where there is a real chance that some might use their weapons against each other first? If the mission was to simply sow chaos into the world then yeah its a pretty good plan to start distributing Vibranium weapons but that was not his objective, he claimed liberation which would lead to lots of bloodshed that would likely leave African Communities decimated along with most major cities.

So that's why I wasn't a big fan of Killmonger. His story was yes tragic but he adopted the means/methods of the people he hated. He seemed to have killed more of his own people or people in Afghanistan then he did any white oppressor. And lastly, his plan to dishonor T’Challa and deliver weapons around the world wasn’t a strategy of someone playing the long game but rather someone who was acting out in anger and emotion. If that is what makes him a good villain fine but I think Black Mariah tapped into that tragic backstory better.

M'Baku (Love) I suppose I liked M’Baku because he was clearly an honorable leader. Sure he challenged T’Challa for the Throne as was his right but when the others arrived to provide him the flower so he might fight Killmonger himself he instead revealed he saved T’Challa and gave the man who beat him in fair combat. He could have easily taken the flower and attempt to take the throne a second time. He could have let T’Challa float down the river to wherever but he chooses not too. Gotta show him some love for not letting temptation sway him.

W’Kabi (Hate) Not much character development invested into W’Kabi but he was presented as a friend of T’Challa and lover (maybe husband) to Okoye. I suppose what bothered me was how quickly he shifted loyalty from T’Challa to Killmonger. Not the long-standing relationship presented in the movie and also one that shouldn't have happened considering a 30-second conversation with T’Challa would reveal that Eric was working with Klaw and that the only reason WHY Klaw escaped was that Eric blew a hole in the wall. I wonder if there will be redemption for W’Kabi in the next movie or not. I certainly hope so.

Nakia (Love/Hate...Ok Love) I loved her and I hate the fact her role was so little in the movie (doesn't hurt that she to was easy on the eyes). I always appreciate someone who represents the altruistic part of society and isn't willing to sit back and watch the world burn around her. I struggle to think of any male or female character of the MCU who believes in that sort of behavior as purely as she did. Maybe Danny Rand (if he wouldn't shut up about being Iron Fist and training in K'un-Lun) had his altruistic moments by wanting to sell medication at cost but that isn't quite on the level of activity that Nakia was. Either way, I want to see more of her and see her a greater influence on T’Challa. Also, why didn’t she fly to Oakland to help Shuri setup the Wakanda Outreach centers?

Wakanda AI (Love) I know its such a small thing but think Trevor Noah is a great guy. The kind of guy we need more of in the United States to tip the scales away from the more conservative extremists. I was completely unaware he was in the movie and when I found out he was the AI for Shuri’s lab I went back to watch the movie a second time just to hear his voice. As a political nerd and just general nerd, I love little details like that laced into the film as ‘easter’ eggs and putting forward one of South Africas (and now Americas) greatest progressive comedians into the film made me happy.

Attack on Museum (Hate) I understand the whole first act was basically to help establish Killmongers character but his approach of working with Klaw for some reason seemed well... pointless. He could have any point shot Klaw threw his ass on an airplane and flown all the way down to Wakanda and challenged Black Panther for the title of King without any underhanded approach and ALL the tribes would have been loyal to him. I am sure some people think it was a way to disgrace the Black Panther but there was no way he could predict if T’Challa would kill Klaw or put him directly on one of their private jets and flown all the way back to Wakanda after the Hong Kong chase scene. Its one of those things that seemed to rely on chance to much instead of planning it out properly. I am sure someone will say he (Killmonger) tipped off the CIA so they would bring him in first but I dont buy that.

Oakland (Love) Perhaps a little bit too much of community pride is the addition of Oakland to the movie and me being a Bay Area local I am always a bit prideful when one of the local cities makes it into a show or movie. I feel San Francisco has always been our go-to city for movie magic in Nor Cal and even San Jose/Silicon Valley has become popular with the tech community dominating the region but its good to see the 510 get some love as well. Well done Marvel.

Conclusion So all and all Black Panther was pretty good. I think they should explain more the Vibranium and Heart Shaped Herb some more in next movie and apply some limitations. I think this movie has provided a great cast of strong women for young girls to look up too. An I am excited to see a part two and/or part three to the series. Even more so the conclusion of Infinity War.

If I were to put it into my top ten marvel movies...

Iron Man

Thor: Ragnarok

Avengers: Infinity War

Guardians of the Galaxy Part 1

Avengers: Age of Ultron

Spiderman: Homecoming

Black Panther

Guardians of the Galaxy Part 2

Doctor Strange

Captain America: Winter Soldier

Hope no one is upset its not my personal top five but I am trying to be honest with myself in what brought me the most joy. Look on the bright side I didnt add Blade or Deadpool onto the list which might have pushed some movies (including Black Panther) lower on my list. ^_^

With Regards Michael California