#Whats that quote “I hate writing but the only thing worse is not writing”

[bunnieswithknives]

Official fic for my Nature AU! How does someone accidentally shoot their child in the leg?? Find out now!

[featguler]

kylian relationship headcanon?

can i come over ? ────── just another episode of tenderness.

♡ ────── pairing : kylian mbappé x reader ♡ ────── tags : reader's gender, ethnicity, nationality, and appearance is not specified. ♡ ────── wordcount : 667 ♡ ────── notes : posting this one as a good luck token for the france vs netherlands game!! ily kylian. i try to not just write the happy parts of the relationship but also the hurdles you two might face? i might do more of these since i've got some ideas still :^) (quick disclaimer: since these are headcanons of real people, i'd like to emphasize that if you do not agree with any of the things i write, please kindly click off the post). title is from cool dry place by katy kirby ♡ masterlist.

Kylian Mbappé. Every single person on the Earth knows his name. But you especially—how could you not? When he doesn’t have his eyes on a football game, or his legs on a football field, he has them on you.

Hand on your knee at every single group dinner, behind your neck at every hangout with friends; his skin is always in contact with yours at every single second.

Touchy does not even begin to describe him.

If it were up to him, he would drag you to the changing room and have you sit between his legs—but no, it is not up to him.

Well, mostly because he doesn’t want to be the one that brings the elephant into the room, but also it is so bad that other people are beginning to think of you as a nuisance.

“Mbappé can’t keep his hands off his partner,” a tabloid once wrote, and it only took a few quote retweets from some Parc des Princes employees, heavily agreeing, for it to go viral.

“Sorry,” you once said to a manager, then to a janitor, then to a teammate, Kylian trailing quietly behind you, arms around your waist.

And he gets sooo whiny if you push him away—what’s worse than losing a match? His dramatic ass would say that it’s having you steer away from his touches!

“Kylian,” you whine on the couch, pushing his face away as he tries to kiss you for the hundredth time that hour. “Please, I’m trying to watch a film here.”

“Mhm,” He pouts, arms around your back, hoping that you’d look at him. He looks at you, his chin on your chest before sighing. “You hate me right? Be honest.”

“Please,” you say again, eyes never leaving the television, “you can kiss me all you want the moment the movie ends.”

He tends to avoid. You’ve known him for so long, and you are at the point where you would almost forgive him for the amount of issues that have simmered too long in both of your discontent.

But you don’t do that. No. You see forever with this man, right? So you sit him down and talk.

You’ve got to admit that Kylian has gotten so, so much better in recent years.

He used to flee at every problem—it’s not that he has trouble expressing his emotions, it’s that he has trouble being vulnerable.

“You’re doing this again,” you roll your eyes, arms crossed over your chest. Kylian won’t look you in the eyes. “I’m sick of this.”

“Come on,” Kylian tries reaching a hand over the table to you—well, if he’s going to ignore you, you sure as hell are going to ignore him too. “Look at me, we don’t have to talk about this right now.”

“Right,” you huff out, letting out a sarcastic laugh, “so when are we going to talk about this.”

Kylian stays quiet.

Kylian likes luxurious things; and he likes you. The same thing, really, in his eyes. A priceless watch and your priceless kiss—this is the kind of luxury a man like him can only dream of.

He goes all the way for his show of love, of course! He customises everything he owns with your initials.

Once, he somehow left his passport in the airport, and what got people into talking was not his passport, but your initials embroidered on its leather cover.

The strap of his duffel bag is changed into a shade of your favourite colour, your initials and his sewn together under it—it does not stop there! A gold plated lapel pin with your name on it becomes a staple on every single suit he wears; socks with your initials when cuffed; matching bracelets he only takes off before practice and matches.

He makes sure the camera flashing on his face gets it: he’d pose in a certain angle, throw his scarf over his shoulders in a certain way.

Even when you’re not there, he still loves showing you off!

[krisdreaming]

Baby Fever

Pairing: Miya Atsumu x f!reader

WC: 1.2k

Summary: Osamu and his wife just had a baby. Now Atsumu sees them everywhere.

A/N: This kind of took a very different direction than I was originally planning and tbh, I kinda hate it now, but I spent over two hours writing it, so I'm gonna roll with it anyway. Maybe when I re-read it in the morning, I'll hate it less 😅

There's a term for it. Atsumu isn't sure what it is, but he knows that as soon as you're exposed to something new, you start noticing it around you more and more. That must be why, ever since Osamu's son was born, he's been seeing babies everywhere. They're at the grocery store. They're at the park. Suddenly, half of his teammates have been expanding their families like it's some kind of competition.

Suffice to say, Atsumu has seen more than his share of babies over the past few weeks. Sure, they're cute, or whatever. When a baby smiles at you, you can't help but smile back. When they grab onto your finger, you let them hold it for as long as they want. When they engage you in a staring contest across the grocery store aisle, you only put up a little bit of a fight before giving them the satisfaction of winning, flashing a sheepish smile at their mom or dad as you turn the corner.

The sight of the little monsters has started to trigger a strange twinge in Atsumu's middle, which he chalks up to the fact that he's an uncle now. There's a brand new member of his family, and he's really happy for Osamu and his wife. Seeing the babies everywhere reminds him of that. That's all it is.

See, the two of you had talked about this. You aren't ready for kids right now. He's in the prime of his volleyball career, and you love your job. You're both happy as just the two of you, spending your free time together doing the things you enjoy and getting a full eight hours of sleep each night. Having a baby would change everything. Your last discussion on the topic, right after Osamu and his wife had shared their pregnancy with the two of you, had ended on that exact note. He's pretty confident that's still how you feel. He's relatively confident that's still how he feels, too.

Of course, the longer it goes on, the harder it is to explain away. He watches Osamu doting on his son, snuggling him close and kissing his cheeks and smiling bigger than Atsumu's ever seen before. He knows his brother is tired, but he doesn't seem to care. He watches the way he looks at his wife, and the way both of them look at their son, and it softens something inside him. He sees you cradling your nephew close, cooing down at him with a soft smile, and his heart turns over in his chest.

Finally, one day, he comes to Osamu with a question.

"What's it like?" Osamu is wiping down the counter at Onigiri Miya, clearly trying to disguise his surprise and mild consternation at seeing his brother show up out of the blue, five minutes before closing time.

"What's what like?" He grunts, scrubbing at a ground-in glob of rice.

"Y'know," Atsumu gestures vaguely, "Being a dad."

"Ah," Osamu hums, grasping that quickly what this is all about. "It's incredible. I mean, don't get me wrong," He chuckles, "It ain't easy. It's way worse than whatever ya try to imagine based off a' everybody's helpful advice," He lifts his hands in air quotes. "But somehow, it's also worth it, in a way ya never could've imagined it would be. The way ya feel every time ya look at 'em - ya can't even put it into words."

Atsumu isn't sure how he's supposed to respond to that, so he just nods. Osamu smiles, looking him up and down with a too-critical eye. "Any special reason yer asking?"

"No," Atsumu says with a quick shake of his head, "Just curious, 's all."

Osamu nods, not saying another word, but the smirk on his face is more than enough to make Atsumu want to knock it clean off. Osamu's answer is exactly what he'd been afraid of.

It comes to a head one sunny Saturday afternoon when the two of you meet up with Osamu and his wife and son to visit a festival. The afternoon is starting to wind down when Osamu unceremoniously dumps the baby into Atsumu's arms. "Hey, mind watching him while we go to the bathroom quick?"

"Ah, sure," Atsumu says to his brother's already-retreating back. You poke at the baby's irresistibly pudgy cheeks, giggling along with him when your attentions illicit a bout of laughter.

"Oh my, what a sweetheart!" The elderly woman seems to appear out of nowhere, something Osamu is constantly describing but which Atsumu hasn't experienced until this moment. "Such a happy baby," She grins. "How old is he?" She looks expectantly at you, and after you gather your wits, you answer her.

The woman nods knowingly, as if she'd predicted as much. "Are you having a fun day with Mommy and Daddy?" She asks next in a goofy voice, completely oblivious to the way Atsumu chokes on the breath he'd just been inhaling and you shoot him a wide-eyed glance.

"Ah, well, actually-" You stammer out, at the same time Atsumu blurts, "We're not his parents."

"I see," She says good-naturedly, "Well even so, he looks very happy with you." With that, she goes on her merry way, and you and Atsumu share a bewildered look. Osamu and his wife return from the bathroom, and neither of you mentions the awkward encounter. It doesn't come up until later that evening, when the two of you are lying in bed.

"That was really somethin' today, huh?" Atsumu asks, trying to ignore the fact that his stomach is suddenly in knots.

"The old lady?" You chuckle weakly. "Yeah, 'Samu's right, they really don't have any shame, do they?"

"Yeah," Atsumu says, then takes a deep breath. "Do ya think, maybe, it's time to have that conversation again?"

You're silent for a few moments, and he can't quite place the emotions that cross your face. He doesn't have to explain which conversation he means.

"Maybe," You finally agree in a low voice. "Are you saying that your decision might be different this time?" It could be his imagination, but Atsumu almost thinks that you look hopeful.

"Maybe," He says carefully. "Would yours?"

"Maybe," You echo him, but there's a smile playing at the corners of your mouth.

"There would be a lot of changes," He says softly, fingertips tracing aimless shapes up and down your arm.

"Maybe we're ready for those changes," You murmur back, catching his hand in yours and letting him twine your fingers together.

He brings your hand to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to the back of it. "As long as I've got you, I think I might be."

"Me too," You say, leaning in slightly to nudge the tip of your nose against his. When he kisses you, he hopes the pressure of his lips can convey even the things he can't put into words. He can't imagine living this life with anyone else.

[spockandawe]

Double edit: actually, that's enough of that.

Edit: I was expecting maybe thirty notes tops. This is a surprise, and one that doesn't delight me. If I hear about any harassment stemming from this post, I'll be more pissed at the harasser than the person this is about.

God. Dammit.

I hate this, let's just out that out there! I'm unhappy that I'm talking about any of this, I'm unhappy there's an issue that's come up at the intersection of media preservation, respecting authors, and one of my favorite book series. And I'm unhappy that I've censored the names in the screenshots I'm about ti post! I'm not happy that I'm helping to slide consequences away from someone who thought this was an acceptable thing to do to a modern working author. But I'm even less happy this is something that happened in the first place, and I'm VERY unhappy the original post has been deleted without a whisper of accountability or apology.

And here's a partial screenshot of the IA page, which has since been removed. I get the excitement to share something you love with a new audience. This isn't the right way to go about it.

First, if Martha Wells' patreon is still in place, I encourage everyone in the strongest possible terms to go sign up for it. It'll charge you one dollar. I've been a member since probably 2018, and I mistakenly believed it was locked to new members (it's labeled 'Currently Closed To New Patrons') until I had reason to look it up last night, when I tripped across this reddit post from earlier this year.

Now. I was looking it up because of this sudden patreon message:

Even if the patreon goes away, I still recommend that people sign up. Explore the stories! They're very fun! Even though the patreon has been dormant for years, I've loved having that repository in place.

In fact, in the interest of full disclosure, what kept me from immediately reblogging last night is that I've felt the same archival urges! I bound a hard copy of these stories earlier this year, and let me quote my own words from that post:

I live in a state of perpetual low key stress over the impermanence of digital media and that goes extra for sites that aren’t designed to work well as archives. I hope, desperately, that someday Martha Wells publishes more raksura, maybe even including these stories! I will buy it immediately. No thoughts, wallet empty. I own all her other raksura books in literally three formats, fingers crossed that by printing this, I can actualize a formal official printing of these stories by the author 😂

So. Archiving, yes. But especially with a living, working author, I would never DREAM of posting a public free-for-all with IA and mediafire links. My most charitable interpretation is that OP thought it was fine since the stories were "free," even though the writeups acknowledge that access costs a dollar. Ao3 is also free. Reposting someone else's fic is still understood to be a dick move.

Last night i was left kind of stunned, and I was hoping to see some kind of response from op this morning taking responsibility, and was... disappointed to see that the post was just deleted. The IA listing was deleted too, and I hadn't actually looked up the mediafire post yet but I'm guessing it's also been nuked. Out of curiosity, I wanted to see if there was anything more in the comments, so I found a surviving reblog. And there was!

So I'm writing this post because I'm... frustrated. Taking down the files is a good step. Posting them publicly was a worse step, but hey. I still more than understand if Martha Wells still deletes her patreon. I don't understand what sending her files of her own stories is meant to accomplish, but whatever. Ascribing a profit-driven motive is driving me up a wall, though. She's financially stable. I read her email, and what i see is frustration that even though it only cost a dollar to access 62k of her work through her own chosen location, control of her writing is being forcibly removed from her. I'm sure that seeing copies sold by third parties wouldn't help, but I don't think that's the root issue.

This is a fandom-heavy website, I'm sure most of us have seen posts about not reposting art when you can share directly from the artist's blog. I've seen posts about stop copying your ao3 faves over to wattpad just because you like reading there better. At a fundamental level, I read the message from Martha Wells as a deep frustration at having no way to share her creative work without someone removing control of it from her hands. And I don't know if there's any way to really take back that damage.

[writingroom21]

Hi hello! I love your writing and I thought I would send a request idea I had if you’re willing.

Could you do a Rafe x reader where they recently started dating and went to high school together but the reader has always been a big nerd but she “got hot” after leaving high school, however she still hangs out with the same group of “nerds” as high school which consists of a few guys and Rafe just doesn’t like the types of people you hang out with because “he doesn’t think they’re good enough for her” and she’s constantly reminding him thats not fair or true since she is still one of the and has been since they were kids. Rafe’s insecure because his friends say that if he doesn’t chill out on his jealousy she’ll probably dump him for one of her friends if she realises how much of an asshole he really is. -Maybe they resolve it with a Lord of the rings movie night with her friends🩵🪼

Nerd

Warnings: none

Wc: 2.1K

A/N: Hey! Thank you so much! I hope you like this and never be afraid to send requests

Once again here he is sitting off to the side not knowing what the hell you are talking about. You and your friends are going on and on about some fantasy book series he hasn’t even heard of. This seems to be a constant since the two of you got together a few months back. You would mention or quote something he knows nothing about. Normally he wouldn’t care because no girl lasts long but you were different.

Sometimes he still feels bad for the person he was when you were both in highschool. He can remember hearing your name but for the life of him he couldn’t remember actually seeing you anywhere. Which would make sense since you ran in two different social groups. Rafe was the typical rich cool kid that thought he was better than everyone else. You well you were the nerd in the front of the class that knew every answer.

Back then he wouldn’t have even thought twice about you. To be honest he probably walked past you in the halls and never noticed you. But one day a few months back he was out with Topper and saw you. He thought you were hot and wanted to get your number. 

“Yo know who that is?” Topper looks at where Rafe is pointing to and sees you. “Yeah that's the girl from your homeroom. Remember the one that wore the stupid Harry Potter shirt.” Rafe tries to think hard but he doesn’t recall the memory. “Nah don’t remember her.” Topper laughs and claps a hand over his shoulder. “That was because she hung out with the nerdy kids and you were too popular to care.”

He honestly doesn’t even know why you gave him a chance. It seemed like the two of you were completely different people yet here you were. You smiled at him and every girl was just done for him. All of his thoughts were consumed about you. What you were doing that day. What your favorite color was. Even if your family would like him.

Getting your number and not blowing the first date was his best achievement to date. But that all seemed futile when he couldn’t keep you entertained like your friends. It started out small, you saying random quotes when you would hang out. He would always go “Huh?” then you would try to explain what you were saying. Only to say “It’s okay that you don’t get it. It’s not your thing.” Which only made him feel even worse.

It’s not like he hated your hobbies or what you were interested in. If he had one wish it would be used to make himself less moronic. That’s what it really came down to for him. He felt dumb.

You would tell him about the books you were reading or the shows and he would get a thing. Sure some of them were fantasy so he knows that it isn’t real but it didn’t make him feel any less dumb. He could hear how you and your friends talk when you are on the phone and they get it. They understand all of your jokes, quotes and references. For heaven's sake you even seem to laugh more with them than you do him.

It got to the point where everyone in his life was ganging up on him for his feelings. It feels like he can’t even voice his concerns without someone calling him out.

“All they talk about is that dumb show. I tried to watch it once with them and they kept asking me questions about it. “Oh Rafe, what did you think about Donna being their daughter?”, “Can you believe that David Tennet is back for a short time. It’s so cool,” I swear they are doing it to make me look dumb.”

Topper and Kelce share a look with each other. This isn’t the first time Rafe has brought up this topic with them. It usually consists of them just nodding along to what he says, not wanting to get too involved. “It honestly sounds like they are trying to include you.” Kelce says.

Rafe shoots him a look from across the table. “Man you don’t get it. It’s the way they say it, like they know I don’t understand and want me to trip up.” Kelce shifts in his seat. “Maybe they are actually trying to be nice. But you know they are nervous about having a new person in the group so the tone comes off weird. I don’t know man.” Rafe is trying to see how that could be the case but the piece won’t fit. “No, they are just not good enough for her. They can’t accept the fact she changed and is with me. It’s just some ploy to get her to leave me.”

“Well if you keep talking like that then maybe she will leave you. These are her friends she’s had for years. They just are trying to include you because you’re her boyfriend.” Topper stares back at Rafe, daring him to say something. “You don’t get it.” Rafe tries to start back up again but Topper isn’t having it.

“No Rafe you don’t get it. This is who she is, sure she’s gotten better looking. But deep down all that stuff is what she’s interested in. Those are her friends for a reason, that’s because they love her and relate to her. How long do you think you can continue being jealous of that before she realizes she’s better off?”

Rafe doesn’t say anything sitting there as Topper keeps going. “You’re lucky she hasn’t heard you say any of this. Could you imagine how hurt she would be if she knew how you were talking about her friends? I may not know her that well but I sure as hell know that it would make her sad. Plus what you don’t like them for is a part of her. She could take that as you not liking who she really is and wanting to change her.”

Kelce just nods along, agreeing with all of the points made. “He’s right dude. You need to control yourself or you won’t have a girlfriend anymore.” 

That conversation has been playing in his mind for the past two weeks. Everytime he talked or saw you he would look at how you behaved. He knew you liked it but it never fully clicked that you really like it. You like reading fantasy books over anything else. You like talking about movies like Star Wars. Like dressing up as characters with your friends for some convention.

All of the evidence was right in front of him and he never fully noticed. It made him feel even more shitty because how couldn’t he know all of this? He was your boyfriend but was too wrapped up in his version of you to see the real you. But now that he is really looking he can see the real you and it’s better than he thought. You were even funnier when he got past the feeling of being dumb.

You even smile a bit bigger when you fully pay attention and comment on things. It’s not like he didn’t pay attention to you, just that his mind was often clouded with the thoughts of him not being good enough. He doesn’t get how he could be so wrapped up in himself and not focus on you. He’s been trying hard to fix all of that but sitting here not knowing what you are talking about isn’t helping. 

All of your friends are commenting on different characters and plot lines. Rafe couldn’t even keep up if he wanted to. A hand resting on his thigh snaps him out of his thoughts. He looks down to see your manicured nails and the ring he got you. Enveloping your hand in his, he brings it to his lips to give it a kiss.

You lean closer to him, whispering in his ear. “Are you okay?” He smiles and wraps an arm around your shoulders. Making you scoot closer to rest against his side. “I am now.” You look up and give him a weird look, wanting to ask him what he meant.

“Hey lovebirds, what are you talking about?” One of your friends, he thinks her name is Sam, asks. “Nothing, just how hot he is.” You and your friends all giggle like school girls. “Actually I was asking what you are all talking about.” He took everyone by surprise, even himself. Usually when you have Rafe around your friends he’s super awkward, not really saying anything. This is the first time he actually tried to participate in a conversation.

“Oh it’s this book series I started called His Dark Materials. Technically I’m reading to my niece but it’s a good book so far.” Rafe nods. “What is it about?” He can’t see it but you have the biggest smile on your face proud of him for trying with your friends. Sam goes on to tell Rafe all about the book so far. Telling him that he should give it a read.

“Oh I don’t really read and never got into fantasy stuff like that.” The room went silent, all eyes on him. At first he thought he said something wrong, offended them somehow. It wasn’t until Becky shrieked that he realized that wasn’t the issue. “Does that mean you’ve never read Lord of the Rings?” The guilty look on his face was enough of an answer for them.

They all groan and you have to hide in his neck so they can’t see you laughing. It wasn’t like they didn’t know he didn’t find their interests well interesting. They all knew that but somehow had some false hope that he was a secret nerd like them. Like hello he is literally dating you, the biggest nerd out of all of them. “Dude how can you be dating someone who hasn’t read the book? Tell me you’ve seen the movies.” 

His leg starts bouncing afraid that once he leaves they will tell you to dumb him. “Um no, never watched them.” Their groans get more desperate with his answer. You sit back properly and try to contain your giggles. “Come on guys, not everyone is going to like them.” His hand squeezes your shoulder, soothing you.

“It’s okay. Never had anyone to really show them to me. Maybe all of you can tell me what I’m missing out on.” That peace offering opened up a whole can of worms. You and your friends spent hours telling him all about the series. Even after you both had left it was all you could talk about. Then a couple of days later he was added into a group chat with all of your friends.

Sam: Welcome to our Chamber of Secrets

Sam: That was a Harry Potter reference btw

Rafe: I actually understood that one

Becks: See he’s already learning

You: Guys don’t bombarded him with messages. You all said you’d be on your best behavior.

Sage: Dude this is like big. We are letting him in the group. Feel special we don’t do this for anyone.

Rafe: I definitely feel special. Thank you

Claire: We want you to join campaign

Rafe: Campaign?

Claire: Yeah you know DnD. Dungeons and Dragons

Rafe: Oh that’s really nice of you but I’ve never played

You: She’s joking. We want to watch Lord of The Rings this weekend. That way you can see what we were talking about. But you don’t have to if you don’t want to.

Rafe: Phew I was scared for a second. I’m down

That brings him to Saturday, sitting on a tiny loveseat with you curled up on his side. The first movie was almost done and he doesn’t find himself hating it. He likes hearing all of the commentary you all share. Giving him inside tips about the movie he wouldn’t have picked up on. Telling him parts from the books he wouldn’t wouldn’t have known about. 

“Thank you.” It’s barely a whisper. You were trying to keep your voice down to not disrupt everyone else watching. Rafe looks down at you, smiling before pecking your lips. “For what?” You pull the blanket to cover the both of you better, snuggling him. “Doing this for me. I know this isn’t how you like to spend your weekends. So thank you for sacrificing something for me.”

“It’s not a sacrifice. You deserve to have someone who tries things you like. I want to be that person.” You give his thigh squeeze. “You’ll always be my person.”

[weirdmorefics]

My Birdy Took Flight

A/N- I am aware I really need to write my asks and my Spencer Reid story but I am currently obsessed with Simon Riley okay!

Simon Riley x Sniper Reader

Readers pronouns- She/her

TW- Swearing, falling, injuries, and military inaccuracies but I mean it's COD and they have a zombie game so are going to attack them too? lol

Summary- Who knew the complete off-the-books mission would go off the rails and leave you with the worst rope burns of your life. The injuries however were not the scary part it was having to face Ghost and admit you fell out of the heli.

Word Count- 1991

This mission was completely off the books, asshole Shephard did not care at all that Kate had been taken hostage and would not send reinforcements for help. I've been working with Price and Kate since I was a recruit they are my family. There was no way I was leaving Kate to be killed. The plan was simple enough I stayed in the heli for overwatch while Price, Gaz, and Farah worked their way up the line. Things were going smoothly I've worked with Nik before he is one hell of a pilot. Things however took a turn for the worse an explosive hit the copter and I fucking fell out. I'm sure Nik and Captian thought I died for a moment but I was bloody hanging from the rope. I am lucky my sniper skills are still top-notch when I'm hanging upside down though I would prefer not to test it again. After that hiccup, we recovered Kate and she luckily had no physical injuries.

We returned to base that night and Price insisted I go to the med bay to get checked out. To quote his words, "You look like shit kid, get the hell to med bay before I drag you myself."

The medic rushed to treat me, but something told me that was Price's doing. They wanted to keep me here for observation due to my concussion from the explosion impact. I begged them not to I'd sleep way better in the barracks I hate the sanitary hospital smell, I even prefer the smell of gunpowder. The medic would not take no for an answer I wanted to fight them harder but they said they preferred my anger to Price's wrath. The medic left shortly after and would return sporadically to do random vital checks. At least I knew the concussion wasn't that bad as it didn't beckon me toward the darkness like other times. Though my raw skin kept me from finding any peace I honestly kind of miss the darkness. I spent the night tossing and turning the pain and clinical setting keeping sleep a far distance away from me.

The clock ticking was mocking me as I watched it hit four am. How are hospital settings supposed to help you heal when there is so much beeping and someone always coming into your room? Speaking of which I heard the door creak yet again didn't they just take my vitals ten minutes ago! I can't take this without thinking I launch the flat uncomfortable pillow at what I assumed would be the intern medic yet again only to lock eyes with Ghost looking as shocked as I did.

"That's one hell of a greeting darling," he says in his usual deep voice. My eyes are still wide with shock that I just hit my superior with a pillow but he takes this opportunity to speak again. "Heard you took flight today, Gaz was telling everyone."

I wince at the thought of everyone knowing I failed to hold on during the explosion and try to change the subject to avoid thinking about it, "Aren't you supposed to be on a mission with Soap?"

"Just got back. Johnny and Gaz are out celebrating," he responds.

"They are out celebrating at four am?" I question.

"You know Johnny no one can outdrink the Scott," he says like it's the most obvious thing the world.

"Well, why aren't you out there celebrating with them?"

"My birdy took flight and thought it only decent to check up on her," any other time I would have dwelled on the fact that he said 'my birdy' but he placed his hand on my welted ankle and I could not suppress the groan. His eyes quickly shift to concern and he rips the scratchy hospital blanket off me.

"Ghost!" I shout at him for having the audacity to rip the blanket off me. He has no right to barge in here and act like he's in charge, he may be the boss of me in the field but he is not my doctor and I do not care for showing off my nasty ass wounds to my team members.

He does not acknowledge my shout at him in the slightest instead his full attention is on my rope-burned ankles."What quack treated this," he growled.

"I'm fine," I try to yank my foot out of his grasp but he holds tighter.

"Yeah because the skin falling off your ankle looks spectacular," he says sarcastically.

"Wow you sure know how to treat a girl," I roll my eyes.

"Haven't heard any complaints," he says nonchalantly as if that innuendo wouldn't have Soap applauding.

"Seriously, it's fine. Go celebrate with the team," I assure.

"If you think I am letting you let your ankle get infected you are off your rocker. I am going to need names, sweetheart," he commands.

The nickname glides out of his mouth so easily it's as if he had said it a hundred times. I want to stay as calm and collected as him but I unfortunately stutter, "What names?" God, it's a good thing I'm a sniper and not a spy because I would be dead.

"Of the idiot docs who treated this," he speaks as if it's obvious.

I sigh, "It's not their fault... I didn't tell them. Price only knew about the concussion and I just wanted to get out of here as soon as possible."

"Ah so you're the idiot," he growls.

"Can you not be mean to me I did just fall out of a heli."

"Shut up you lived," he rolls his eyes, gently places my foot down, and turns to leave.

"Please don't take your anger out on the medics," I beg.

"Oh trust me darling I will be taking my anger out on you," he growls yet again.

I shiver, "Where are you going then?"

"To get some medical supplies for your dumbass. No one way I'm letting a medic treat you when you will just lie to them."

"What makes you think I won't lie to you?" I tease well aware that I am in no place to be teasing.

He chuckles an evil kind still it's one of the best I've heard, "Me and you both know you aren't capable of it."

He exits the room and I am unsure if I want to slap him or rip that mask off and kiss him... I am definitely incapable of either. I may be able to beat Soap, Gaz, and even Price on the mat but no one can best Ghost. I, unfortunately, hear him shouting at medics for a damn first aid kit... so much for him taking out his anger on me.

He returns rather quickly but does not speak as he meticulously places the first aid supplies by my bedside.

He pours some alcohol on my rope burn and I hiss loudly, "shit a little warning would be nice."

"You would have just fought harder. Need to clean the debris out who fuckin knows how old that rope was."

"Aw is Ghosty worried about me," I pout.

"Thought I told you and Johnny to stop calling me that, you want me to make this hurt worse than it already does?"

I roll my eyes at him and in response, he presses the gauze harder than necessary. "You asshole!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I can see his wicked smile through his balaclava.

"Yeah sure," I huff. "You know..." I smile mischievously. "This would go a lot faster if you just kissed it better."

"Oh really," I could hear the grin in his voice. I was expecting him to make some snide comment in return instead he finishes wrapping my ankle and lifts his mask to rest on the bridge of his nose.

I am sure my eyes widen to the size of saucers. I feel like a Victorian man seeing a woman's ankle. His grin widens it could only be compared to the Cheshire cat's smile. He gently lifts my ankle to his lips but does not stop there. He places delicate kisses all the way up to my thigh. I think I have officially stopped breathing. Then my heart decides to do the most embarrassing thing ever. It speeds up so atrociously fast that the monitors start beeping incredibly loud. That's it I have officially died there is no coming back my face is melting off from how flushed I am.

Ghost sits back and laughs and I mean properly laughs, I have never seen him like this. "This is a good look on you birdy all red and flustered, all for me too." He pulls his mask back down but I can still see the smile in his eyes.

"Shut up! I am a highly trained sought-after sniper, I don't get flustered!" I feel like that would have sounded better if I didn't stutter each word.

Ghost glances at my heart rate monitor, "Your heart says otherwise."

A medic comes in as the dumb machine won't stop beating, "Are you alright? You're looking quite flushed and your blood pressure is higher than it was when you first came in."

I swear I could see the smugness radiating off Ghost. God I want to strangle him.

"She's fine thanks to me," his eyes squint at me and I know he has a huge grin under that balaclava. He then turns to the medic, "Don't you know the 141 are notorious liars and the worst patients! Next time call me down here as soon as she is being treated."

The poor medic flinches at Ghost's rough voice and can barely whisper, "Yes, sir"

I mouth, 'I'm so sorry," to the medic he looks appreciative.

The medic flees as soon as my blood pressure normalizes. Ghost roughly throws his body onto the uncomfortable hospital chair and groans.

"What are you doing? Shouldn't you be going back to the barracks," I glance as he makes himself comfortable well as comfortable as one can be in a torn hospital chair.

"In a rush to get rid of me birdy?"

"Is that name going to become a thing," I roll my eyes.

"Only for me, if anyone else has the nerve to call you that I'll gut them," he replies.

"Even Johnny?"

"Especially Johnny," He grins.

I smile, "Seriously Ghost you should go sleep in your own bed that chair cannot be comfortable. I'd be in my bed if they would let me escape."

"I know you can't stand hospitals, I won't let you be sleepless and cranky alone."

"Fine, then at least share the bed with me, I forbid you from sleeping on that fifty-year-old chair."

"The fact that you think you can forbid me from doing anything sweetheart is laughable. Are you sure you want me to be over there might make your heart monitor scream again?" He makes his way over to the bed despite his words.

I roll my eyes, "I'll manage."

He lays on the small hospital bed and takes up ninety percent of it but I don't mind it because it doesn't smell like hand sanitizer and blood anymore it smells like him.

"Goodnight birdy," he kisses the top of my head and my heartrate monitor instantly starts beeping annoyingly again.

"Goddammit," I groan and he just laughs.

"You would make a terrible spy with all those emotions, you're lucky the red face works on you." he chuckles.

"You're just jealous of my amazing sniping abilities you must point out my flaws," I poke his chest.

"You ain't got no flaws birdy except the fact that you're stubborn as hell. Now go to sleep before I knock you out myself."

"Yes LT.," I fake salute him and he rolls his eyes.

Sleep comes so much faster in the med bay when you aren't alone, I wish falling asleep would always be this easy.

[olderthannetfic]

I'm so, so tired of seeing proshippers try to support proshippers getting sent death threats, rape threats, suicide bait, etc. with "don't let the assholes win!" Oh so you don't give a shit about the minor being dogpiled, this is just about an us vs. them thing. Cool cool. Uh, here's the thing, though - maybe the person on the other side of the screen is a person, and thus this "SPITE! Write more out of SPITE and HATE and HATE HARDER THAN THE HATERS!" is going out to a normal-ass human being. And normal-ass human beings are not shounen protagonists who rise up and overcome their rivals out of spite and make a bunch of friends along the way and live for the rivalry yadda yadda. They're just... people. And you're responding to their pain with, "if you take a break from writing you're letting other people win. You're losing. You're failing. Breaks are loser behavior. You're LETTING the people harassing you win, because you suck."

Recently two major authors in my tiny fandom quit and the response from the proship contingency of the fandom has been, "FIGHT THE ANTIS!" "Don't let them win!" and I'm at a loss trying to explain this but like... some people don't want their hobby to be fighting other people. Some people didn't start writing in order to go "I'll show them!" they started writing because they had a cool idea for a story they wanted to tell. Not all of us enjoy "tormenting the antis through good art", to quote one person in my fandom. Sometimes someone just wants to write a story and share it with other people and have people enjoy it.

It's really wild to be the odd one out here but am I the only one who sees "don't let them win! spite! spite should motivate you!" and goes, "I was a depressed teen once and I think that wouldn't have motivated me to do anything"? Because seriously, the fact that no one has expressed anything along the lines of 'you didn't deserve that hate' or 'I hope you're okay' or 'take care of yourself' would probably have made me feel worse as a teen, not better.

IDK, maybe I'm the freak for thinking this is not an optimal approach. I just fail to see this as an inspiring refrain to throw at younger people in fandom. It feels fairly hollow.

(And to the fandom olds about to go "fandom was even worse back in my day, you kids would never have survived" - you realize that's worse, right? That doesn't rebut anything, it just makes me sad for you in addition to young writers. Maybe fandom always sucking is a problem, not a plus. Just a thought.)

--

This particular type of death threat wasn't common back then... but neither is what you describe, in my experience. People who are adjacent to a target often do say more empathetic things, and a fair amount of the "respond with spite" is not to someone leaving over death threats but to more commonplace annoyances that are going to occur at one's local writer's circle and anywhere else.

No, self-styled "proship" circles aren't particularly nice a lot of the time, but this hand-wringing is silly.

Besides, why are you sending me nagging posts projecting onto Olds instead of support? ;)

(I know, I know: it's because I actually am a shounen protagonist.)

[chaifootsteps]

Hey I saw someone on Twitter saying you’re transphobic because it said in your Twitter bio “IDW Arcee is still a guy” even though the character is canonically trans. What’s your take on that? I’m not attacking you or anything I just genuinely want to know the context of all that.

Oh boy. Strap yourselves in kids; time for Chai's villain origin story.

So basically, IDW Arcee made his debut under the pen of Simon Furman, the dude who created Arcee in the first place. Simon Furman has a small massive chip on his shoulder over the notion of girl robots, but we're going to be talking in mostly Watsonian terms for now. IDW Arcee as he comes on the scene in Spotlight Arcee is the victim of a nonconsensual forced sex reassignment, we see right off the bat that this destroyed his life.

He's wracked with trauma and dysphoria over this, on a do-or-die quest to take out the mad scientist who did it (he succeeds and tortures said scientist for seven years straight), and is implied to suffer chronic pain.

This got a lot of criticism, but Simon Furman insisted it wasn't meant to be transphobic, just the opposite. When someone pointed out that this was a story about how traumatic it was to be assigned a gender you didn't feel was the one you should have, Furman agreed with this take.

Eventually Furman was shooed out and John Barber was brought in as writer, and nobody seemed to know how to deal with Arcee's backstory. So they just kind of...didn't. They wrote around it for eight whole years, never really acknowledging it, but frequently alluding to how traumatized he was from it. The only person to ever roll up their sleeves and tackle it head on was Mairghread Scott, the only person IMO to ever do justice to IDW Arcee.

By the way, this panel made me weep. This issue also includes a fleeting, but notable moment where someone refers to Arcee with they/them pronouns, and at the time, I was extremely excited for this.

Shortly after this however, the comic came to an end and John Barber decided -- in the very last issue -- to bring in an expert. And by this, I mean he found some trans lady on Twitter and let her write Arcee. The last issue has Arcee concluding that the whole sex change was consensual and the violent murder spree was the result of, I quote, "bad meds."

Yeah, basically Arcee killed all those people because the Spiro was a little off.

I got into a lot of internet fights with people over this back in the day, criticizing it for being worse than what we started with, but also frequently pointing out that it wasn't Twitter lady's fault, as she wasn't the editor-in-chief at IDW and that there's a very good reason professional writers aren't supposed to do this sort of thing. In return, I got accused of hating trans women and still get some real ugly things in the inbox about it to this day. It was the first taste, bitter as wormwood, of what I as a trans man could expect from my own community.

Regardless of all that, Arcee is probably the most important fictional character to ever enter my life. He helped me realize I was trans, got me through some dark days, got me through heartbreak and top surgery. He saved my life a few times, and every so often he continues to. I owe so much to him.

If writing a very gentle fix-it fic where Arcee has a long talk with Anode (one of the trans lesbian bots from the vastly superior sister series James Roberts wrote) makes me a transphobe in these peoples' eyes, so be it. I don't care what they think. They never reached out to baby trans Chai and held his hand and kept him breathing.

Arcee did.

[arson-09]

A court of frost and starlight is (subjectively) the worse book in the sjm world. Especially when it comes to mental illness

The first half of chapter 11 is fucking disgusting. I think i geniunely hate sjm a little after this chapter.

Rhysand is literally kicking a man while hes down. Tamlin is depressed. Hes not taking care of himself or his home and is clearly at rock bottom. His home is empty and as stated at the end of the chapter theres no wards around his manor to protect him

"But as I winnowed away, the dark wind ripping through me, a strange sort of hollowness took root in my stomach. Tamlin didn't have shields around the house. None to prevent anyone from winnowing in, to guard against enemies appearing in his bedroom and slitting his throat. It was almost as if he was waiting for someone to do it."

I can quote the entire chapter to point and say HEY THIS IS FUCKING GROSS WRITING! She worte a clearly depressed and ill man but hey! its okay rhysand said really bad shit to him because we LOVE rhysand in this house! to qoute feyre hes usually the bigger male so hes entitled to a slipup!

except hes not. thats not a slip up thats purposefully trying to trigger a man you know has anger issues so you have an excuse to kill him. That is quite literally what kids used to do to me when i was younger, thats being a fucking bully. Rhysand is not a good person, quite the opposite actually. Rhysand also states that "he had been given everything and squandered it." which is not completely true! (Given tamlins backstory and how he feels about being high lord so *loud incorrect buzzer*) Rhysand is an extremely unreliable narrator. Example from this chapter? Rhysand asks where "his dear friend" lucien is and Tamlin tells him hes hunting and the following happens

“Hunting for our dinner.” “No taste for such things these days?” Tamlin’s eyes remained dull. “He left before I was awake.” Hunting for dinner- because there were no servants here to make food. Or buy it. I couldn’t say I felt bad for him. Only for Lucien, once again stuck with being his crony.

Where did this come from? Tamlin said lucien left before he was awake. He didnt ask him to do that.

Rhysand proceeds to purposefully say stuff to make Tamlin angry so they can fight and is surprised when Tamlin just tells him to leave. Then chapter 23 does nothing to help this. Wow tamlin has completely isolated himself after rhysand fucked him up more. But its fine cause rhysand made him dinner and got people to patrol the border.

It really hurts. I have so many of the same mental health issues as Tamlin. Seeing sjm do nothing with this but add more stigma just sucks. Yes Tamlin fucks up in acomaf (even if i cant fully comprehend that one sjm) but that isn't excuse to do this horrific mental health shit.

I am open to discussion about this more! if we have opposite opinions that okay! if you love this series to death that's great for you! as long as your at least somewhat polite I'm chill with it. If your rude i will be mean on the internet.

[the-way-astray]

Ok just saw that your asks are open

Ik that you do not like Keefe (for valid reasons)

But here's something for you to analyze/think about

Not necessarily to change your mind about him bit if it does it does

Ok so

At the end of neverseen Keefe said "sometimes things have to get worse before they get better"

Yes he was referencing to him running away and for lodestat Yada Yada what have you

But I FULL heartedly believe that it was foreshadowing for the entirety of his chara arc throughout the series

Cause as of stellarlune he is at his lowest of lows

However you want to classify that us he's there

The way he treats his friends, his relationships with them, his mental state, ability state, common sense

All of it

And do I think it's gonna get worse than what it already is

YUP

But here's what that quote implies

It DOES get better

Never says when or how

But just that it does

I fully believe that after he gets past the roughest patch (whether that's him currently or even him in book 10) that he'll slowly start to realize how he's been and start trying to be better and get the help he needs

And tbh

I don't think it'll be anytime soon

I feel like he needs to have the (inevitable) argument with Sophie to finally realized it

Cause trust me as much as I ship sokeefe I really do believe they need to have an argument

Maybe even not speak for a book

But it'll be good for him in the end and hopefully he sees how he's been acting these last few books

Thoughts on this?

okay, sorry this took so long to get to. every time i try to answer it, it doesn't come out quite right. but here's my best shot.

i would agree with the idea of "sometimes things have to get worse before they get better" as an arc for keefe. that would be cool. and obviously, since at the time of this writing, the series is unfinished, there's always a possibility shannon could turn it around for herself. i've talked about this briefly in some post from a while ago, but there is a chance shannon will execute a flawless character arc for keefe in unraveled. is it likely? not really. but i wouldn't say it's impossible.

what makes me think this will not happen? in short: the fact that his flaws, the real flaws, not "cares too much about sophie" or "is too willing to self-sacrifice", have not once been villainized or called out as something seriously wrong in the series.

here's a list (referencing this post, where i list out all the things i dislike about keefe, there's more than just what i listed here, but these are the character flaws):

"i hate the way he manipulates, gaslights, extorts, and pressures sophie (and other people) into telling him shit they wouldn't ordinarily." this is never made out to be a bad thing. the person on the receiving end usually just grumbles something like "empaths", then after five seconds it's dropped. you don't see it affect keefe's relationships, you don't see people become uneasy around him, keep their distance from him because oh, that's the guy that's going to spill my secrets, it never feels like this affects keefe's relationships in any negative way. there is no long-term damage. it is completely swept under the rug, and it is never, ever seriously villainized. if shannon wanted to execute a "sometimes things have to get worse before they get better" type arc for keefe with regards to this flaw, she'd have to start by having it be a negative thing. then only can keefe work toward a better place. but shannon skipped that crucial step. so how can i assume that she's trying to develop keefe out of this, even if the development goes forwards and backwards and all over the place?

"i hate what a terrible friend he is." there are so many examples of this that i can't remember exactly what i was referencing when i wrote that. in any case, basically the same as what i said above applies. keefe needs to first be villainized for his toxic behavior if he's to grow out of it. take his comments toward fitz in the famous healing center scene, as an example. yes, the scene is told from keefe's perspective, meaning obviously he's not going to hold himself accountable. but maybe elwin steps in and reprimands keefe for what he said. maybe keefe detects sophie's anger toward him for the comments he made toward fitz. maybe he's even told off by fitz himself. there are a variety of ways to make it clear that this is not a good person to be. only then can keefe's journey even begin. if shannon is to do a "sometimes things have to get worse before they get better" type thing for keefe with regards to this, then things have to get worse for him. he needs to feel the consequences of his actions, which he never does.

"i hate the way he simultaneously pedestalizes and infantilizes sophie." once again, this is never made out to be a bad thing. if anything, keefe's pedestalization of sophie is meant to endear the audience to him. his infantilization is disguised as """"""witty"""""" jokes, so that is also probably supposed to make us like him. shannon actually managed to take keefe's toxic traits and sell them to the audience as good qualities. could be a masterclass in writing if she did something with this, but it's very clear she actually believes that these are good things. once again, if keefe is to develop out of these things and find a better place, even if he makes a few mistakes and "gets worse", so to speak, at various points along his character arc, that would still require his arc to actually like. begin. shannon hasn't even reached that part. so once again, how am i supposed to expect that she'll write any kind of arc with regards to this?

"i hate the way he's so jealous, so passive-aggressive, so toxic to his supposed friends." i've talked about this very, very briefly before, but i'm almost certain that we're supposed to see keefe as being "in the right" during the healing center scene, at least as the way shannon intended for it to be taken. one second . . . okay i found the post where i said it. here's what i said verbatim: "#i really feel like. shannon genuinely did not mean for him to come off so mean#she was definitely banking on the fact that everyone hates fitz#it's FITZ that's the one that's the butt of the mean joke by KEEFE so nobody will care! right? right guys? guys?#and honestly she's probably correct about that because most of the fandom DOES like keefe and hate fitz so like". now obviously i cannot be 100000000% sure, but from years of reading and rereading these books, i've become pretty confident that shannon genuinely wants us to perceive keefe as an otherwise-perfect angel whose only flaw is recklessness and his tendency to self-sacrifice. so those are the only flaws for which she writes a proper arc. and once again, if she wanted to write any sort of arc for him, even one that isn't perfectly linear, she would first have to start my acknowledging that keefe is the possessive, jealous, toxic friend here. but she doesn't.

"i hate the way sophie has to constantly babysit him because she doesn't know what stupid thing he'll do next and i hate the way he doesn't care about that, despite claiming he's doing half the things he does for her." this is the last one i'll mention in this post, promise. his stupidity is the flaw, by the way. i would say it's acknowledged. so congrats, shannon, you've reached the first step. better than i can say for the last four points. but that's where it ends. it's never developed from. keefe doesn't know how to work on a team and is incredibly stupid, something i ran into the ground while writing my rant. and come unlocked, 8.5 books into the series, he is still incredibly stupid and doesn't know how to work on a team. he consulted exactly zero people before running away to the forbidden cities, and while you could argue that it was ultimately his decision, i do think he should've at least gotten other people's opinions. this decision was so monumentally stupid, i cannot wrap my head around it. i'll talk about it more in my part two rant, but in my opinion, it's his stupidest move yet. now, what about the "sometimes things have to get worse before they get better" arc idea for this? doesn't this mean that this could just be a low he's hitting in his arc? well personally i'd say no. because he never reaches a point where he feels like he's working towards not hijacking plans because he wants to genuinely be better and stop. the famous nightfall scene comes to mind, and as i've mentioned before, the reason this, in my opinion, isn't indicative of his arc progressing is that he apologizes entirely out of a desire to appease sophie and win her back to his side, and not because he actually wants to change. so that doesn't count. in legacy, sophie thinks to herself that if she doesn't go with keefe to london, he will find a way to get there himself, once again showing that he has no desire to consider other people's opinions. sophie actually only agrees to go because she's scared of what stupid shit keefe will get into if she's not there to babysit him. she caves to his hijacking, instead of nipping it in the bud, the way she tried to in nightfall. so i'd say there isn't any spectacular moment before unlocked where keefe is getting better with regards to his hijacking plans because he thinks he knows better than everyone else.

okay, now that i've hopefully sufficiently proven that keefe's arc is not a "sometimes things have to get worse before they get better" arc, at least not in the way it's executed in canon, i'll move to the rest of your points:

"as of stellarlune he is at his lowest of lows/The way he treats his friends, his relationships with them, his mental state, ability state, common sense" (sorry for formatting this like the lyrics of a freaking song, but i wanted it all in one paragraph lmfao.)

i disagree with this. i actually think his arc is looking up, with regards to his flaws, at least, in stellarlune. he seems like, to put it very, very bluntly, a morally better person. like he did some thinking in the forbidden cities and decided to get his shit together. this is why i say that i have to read unraveled before making my mind up about whether keefe's arc truly sucks or not. because if shannon has him acknowledge all the things i mentioned and make an effort to be better for himself, because he wants to be, then i can see how i could be swayed to the "keefe has a good arc" side. i do still think the chances of this are incredibly slim, though.

i would tentatively say the way he treats his friends is better in stellarlune. he certainly seems like he mellowed out a bit. he also only has like a couple hundred pages of that book to himself, and even less to showing what he's truly thinking on the inside, so it's difficult to tell for sure. his ability state and mental state are as shit as ever, agreed. but i'm not really talking about that? i'm talking about his arc and the flaws that i dislike about him, that i believe should be developed or at least called out for him to be a decent character.

"And do I think it's gonna get worse than what it already is"

same, but i think that low will be hit in unraveled. i think what we're seeing in stellarlune is actually him getting better from some major low he must've hit in unraveled. but once again, none of this has anything to do with why i dislike keefe. i dislike him because his flaws are never acknowledged or developed out of as the series progesses.

"I fully believe that after he gets past the roughest patch (whether that's him currently or even him in book 10) that he'll slowly start to realize how he's been and start trying to be better and get the help he needs"

one thing that i absolutely despise when it comes to writing character arcs is when like 90% of the development happens in the last like 10% of the series. it always feels incredibly rushed and incredibly forced, and it can be done well almost never. it's my opinion that arcs, and all the major progress and setbacks, need to happen evenly throughout the series so that you really feel like the character at the 25% mark is a different character than the one at the 75% mark, with regards to the thing being developed. i don't see that with keefe. he's a toxic friend in everblaze, he's a toxic friend in legacy. he's stupid in everblaze, he's stupid in legacy. he's manipulative in everblaze, he's manipulative in legacy. there hasn't even been a realization on his part.

having said all that, i do think there is a way to write his arc in unraveled that could at least make me tolerate him. and i do agree that there's a slim possibility that shannon could magically decide to develop him in book ten. but also keep in mind that book ten or book eleven is the last book. so there's a strong possibility that i'll still consider it too little, too late. but they are future books. i'll have thoughts when they come out for sure, but for now it's hard to tell what i'll feel about them.

"I feel like he needs to have the (inevitable) argument with Sophie to finally realized it/Cause trust me as much as I ship sokeefe I really do believe they need to have an argument/Maybe even not speak for a book/But it'll be good for him in the end and hopefully he sees how he's been acting these last few books"

i agree. i've actually talked about this briefly in my keefe rant, except i've talked about how i wanted them to fight in nightfall, not in book ten. here's that part, copy-pasted verbatim:

“Sometimes I still worry that some tiny part of her holds it against me. That she’ll never fully trust me. That she’ll always see me as the guy who betrayed her and stole from her and ran off with the enemy.” (Unlocked, Keefe's diary entries, 494) This would be really cool to explore if it was actually done. Sophie holding this against Keefe and struggling with that in the aftermath of Lodestar would be an awesome way to develop their relationship and have them overcome that hurdle and give them both some much needed development. But we know that aside from a single line at the beginning of Nightfall, Sophie never really blames Keefe. She just immediately forgives him for his time with the Neverseen. It’s pathetic writing. Something like that should have consequences. But it doesn’t, because then our poor Keefe will have to be *gasp* villainized. There could be this whole arc about how Sophie doesn’t trust Keefe the same and it impacts their relationship subtly and both of them feel it but don’t want to talk about it and it’s this giant, gaping hole. Then finally there’s a climax where Keefe confronts her about it and maybe she yells at him and he agrees that he’ll do anything to get her trust back. Then he does it. He does the smart thing, takes the smart advice. And he learns. He understands what he did was wrong and is truly a different person now. Honestly, the fact that Shannon explained this out shows me that she’s aware the possibility of this arc exists, but unfortunately, didn’t actually put it into action. Would it have been the most original conflict ever? No. But it would’ve been much better than whatever this dumpster fire of a lack of an arc she actually wrote is. I think I might’ve genuinely enjoyed Sophie and Keefe as a couple if she’d just made them have some distrust that they overcome through genuine work and growth.

anyway, if i didn't answer your question the way you wanted, feel free to shoot me a follow-up ask. i think i got it, but if i misinterpreted, tell me.

tldr: the reason i don't buy keefe's arc as a "sometimes things have to get worse before they get better" kind of arc is because that would require keefe's flaws to actually be acknowledged and villainized by the narrative, and for them to have actual consequences that affect him, which they do not. this leads me to believe shannon doesn't see these things as flaws, and therefore will never give keefe the development he needs to have a good arc.

[warmshotamilk]

"I don't support it in real life!"CW: talk of sexualizing minors, slight rant

Then why write about it? If for coping purposes, why post it online for others (especially actual predators) to see and consume? Then why portray those things in a positive light instead of condemning them?And you're seriously going to tell me that just because as an adult (1) you want to see a fictional minor (that mind you, is usually designed to resemble an actual child) depicted in sexual situations doesn't mean you don't share that same view concerning children in real life? You find fictional minors attractive but not real ones? Why does the line between finding someone who is (and usually also looks like) a child sexually attractive get drawn at whether the child is real or not? I'm not calling anyone pedophiles, but if the shoe fits...(1) No I am not talking about 18 y/os finding 17 y/os attractive. Use your brain. Creating content of underaged characters is still questionable regardless of age, however.

"Just mute/block instead of harassing others!"I have nearly 70k people blocked on twitter, and hundreds of words and tags muted, I softblock and mute people who post things I don't want to see. I still see certain things on my timeline, usually because1) It's posted in the main tags of something I'm interested in2) The post isn't even tagged at all3) If someone quote retweets from someone I've blocked, I still see the take on my timeline.

"Antis use the same rhetoric as exclusionists and TERFS!"What exactly does being against pedophilia have to do with trans (women) exclusionary radical feminism?And what does lgbtq discourse in general have to do with not wanting minors to be sexualized?

So much yapping only to send an absolute nothingburger of an ask. Like this was a genuine waste of your and my time to send me this

I'll still answer this but I'm going to put in about as much effort into typing my reply than it took you to type this out (not much)

Then why write about it?

Because why not? Who does it hurt to write about fictional characters doing fictional things? I'll tell you: It's nobody

If for coping purposes, why post it online for others (especially actual predators) to see and consume?

I am loving (hating) the implication of this that consuming/making dark fiction is somehow just as bad as a predator preying on someone. Spoilers: It's not. At all. It's frankly gross to even add that part

Not to mention that I would much prefer a pedophile* look at FICTIONAL shit than look at REAL shit because, and contrary to popular belief, it WON'T eventually become "not enough." It is a valid way of coping with paraphilia disorders

*I am assuming you mean pedophile when you say predator, completely ignoring the fact that not all pedophiles are offending. But, to cover this in case you actually DO mean actual predators... you are focusing on the WRONG THING if you bitch about a predator looking at fiction when they are harming actual fucking people

Then why portray those things in a positive light instead of condemning them?

Because it's fiction, Karen. It's fun to play with fiction. You can make a serial murderer a "good person" in fiction, too. You can make ANYONE a "good person" in fiction. It's fucking FUN to not have real world rules apply in fiction. You're just boring

Also, and I only want to mention this briefly because I don't want to trauma dump on a loser who can't even come off anon, the way I cope with fiction genuinely Would Not Work if it was portrayed in a dark light. If anything, it can sometimes make me feel worse and it's something I have to actively avoid. Which I do. Because I can curate my own online experience without bitching at other people to cater to me. Wild

And you're seriously going to tell me that just because as an adult you want to see a fictional minor (that mind you, is usually designed to resemble an actual child) depicted in sexual situations doesn't mean you don't share that same view concerning children in real life?

LMAO okay let me just really quickly bring more attention to the "is usually designed to resemble an actual child" and just ask you: Do you like lying? Because you're lying here. No, a fictional child is almost "designed to resemble an actual child," you just have a very, very, very, very, VERY skewed view of what a child is

Anyways, in regards to the rest of your question: Yeah. Because fiction isn't reality and what someone likes in fiction doesn't reflect what they like outside of fiction. Lesbians can have crushes on fictional men while still not having any romantic and/or sexual interest in real men at all. People can have crushes on fictional villains while condemning abuse, murder, and anything else of the sort. Those things are obvious, why is THIS the thing you draw a line at? Oh yeah, because it's icky bad in THIS case because you refuse to accept fiction and reality don't conflate in this way

Why does the line between finding someone who is (and usually also looks like) a child sexually attractive get drawn at whether the child is real or not?

Yeesh. Don't like the way you're talkin', bud. Having an uncontrollable paraphilia not inherently bad, it only becomes bad once that person is abusing, plans to abuse, or condones the abusing of real life beings. Attractions are not actions

Not to mention, comparing lolisho to actual CSEM is fucking disgusting. In one scenario, a real child is being ACTUALLY exploited and abused, while in the other... buddy, those are just lines. Pixels. Colors on a screen. Fuck off. No one is being harmed, THAT'S why the line is drawn there. The fact I have to TELL that to you tell me something about you and lemmie tell ya, the thing it's telling me Isn't Great For You

I'm not calling anyone pedophiles, but if the shoe fits…

It doesn't fit. You're like Cinderella's sisters with how y'all will try to be like "the shoe fits, it fits!" when trying to force the word "pedophile" onto people when the definition does not apply to them

"Just mute/block instead of harassing others!"I have nearly 70k people blocked on twitter, and hundreds of words and tags muted, I softblock and mute people who post things I don't want to see. I still see certain things on my timeline, usually because1) It's posted in the main tags of something I'm interested in2) The post isn't even tagged at all3) If someone quote retweets from someone I've blocked, I still see the take on my timeline.

Womp to the fucking womp. You are on the internet, you are going to see things you don't like. Hell, seeing shit you don't like comes free with LIVING AT ALL. Suck it the fuck up or off forever if you truly can't handle the few seconds of discomfort upon seeing shit you don't like. No one is going to cater to you. The sooner your come to terms with that the sooner you can start living a happier life. Until then, stop acting like an entitled prick. Poor you, woe is you, fuck off

"Antis use the same rhetoric as exclusionists and TERFS!"What exactly does being against pedophilia have to do with trans (women) exclusionary radical feminism?And what does lgbtq discourse in general have to do with not wanting minors to be sexualized?

Ignoring the fact I have literally never in my life compared antis to TERFs, nor do I really see ANYONE saying that, we LOVE (hate) when people lie! Omg it's my favorite thing!!! (sarcasm. if you couldn't tell)

You aren't "against pedophilia," you aren't talking about "not wanting minors to be sexualized," you are talking about how you don't like that fiction you don't like exists and how you want it to not only to be banned but criminalized. You are against freedom of fiction. You are pro-censorship. You are authoritarian. You are a puritan. Stop lying to make yourself look better

[mortallyclearwonderland]

My ''hot'' takes about DC

The reason the word "hot" appears in quotes is I'm not sure if what I'm about to say is truly controversial or if my opinions are one of the most lukewarm there could be.

Number 1. Scarecrow's character (or lack thereof)

I'm confident in saying that it's a fact at this point that if you're not part of the Bat Family, Gotham Sirens (Catwoman, Poison Ivy, Harley Quinn, and Suicide Squad by association with Harley), or the Joker, DC doesn't care about you. They might toss the Riddler a bone if you can call being a butt-monkey that.

Scarecrow is less of a character and more of a writing device when the creators want a character to face their fears but have no idea how to do it, so they'll just have Jonathan spray or inject them with his fear toxin.

On the surface, it's not a bad idea. It's not about the cliche, it's about how it's used. Many times we don't even get to see what the characters are afraid of personally but just some random scary imagery because the writers aren't smart enough to come up with a fear that would fit the character. Remember that one episode of Justice League where Flash has a scary dream that he's moving so fast no one can see him or Hawk Girl wings got tight up and she started falling to her death?

But probably the most frustrating thing is how he gets defeated. When Batman or some other character is done with overcoming their fear, Scarecrow just gets punched or defeated in a different humiliating way. My question is this. What was he doing the whole time his opponent was having their little episode? Was he doing some research and taking notes? Was he trying to get away? Was he getting himself off by watching? What?! And I know Scarecrow isn't as good of a fighter as Batman (although he does know violent dancing unless DC forgot about that) but is it too much to ask for them but up a bit of a fight before going down?

Which brings me to my next point.

2. Double standard in fighting.

I hate the ''Batman just goes around abusing mentally ill people.'' argument. You can like villains, villains can have sympathetic backstories but that doesn't give them a pass to do whatever the hell they want and hurt other people. But I can understand where people might get that idea from. When a comic never shows any people in danger or hurt from the actions of the bad guy, because the writers are pussies, it might look like Batman is overdoing. Especially when the most brutalized are humans with no powers like Joker, Scarecrow, and Riddler. But when Batman fights Bane or Killer Crock it's usually him who gets brutalized. Which makes sense. But don't get me started on a double standard between male villains and female villains. A female villain will never get as bad of a beating as a male villain even when she's done way worse things and has powers which make her a much more dangerous and allow her to tank more hits.

Which is similar to my next pet peeve.

3. ''Dating Catwoman''

Am I the only one who hates when a hero gets horny for a bad guy and lets them get away? As I said before it can be done nicely. It can show how love can change someone for the better. Or a hero going down the bad path. I especially hate it when it's done with the character this cliche was named after. Catwoman most of the time has no backstory explaining why she does what she does. Sometimes she stills from the rich to give to the poor. But most of the time she does it just for fun. In most stories she's in she's shown to be smart, pretty, fit, and all around girlboss. She could work and earn her own money to give to those in need, marry some rich guy, or be a gold digger.

[kaybreezy3000]

Do you think Five had anything with The Handler or women during his time on the commission?

I know that the Five of the comic differs a lot from the Five of Netflix, but still So I love both of them very much (they have their attractiveness). Also a panel in the Dallas comic, Five himself says: "but I was the best, I was subtle and the blood ran between my fingers like the sand of an hourglass. as did the women"

When it comes to my familiarity with the comic book version of Five, I hate to say it, it isn't that great. I have not read them, but I know somethings about them, and I love their much more feral version of Five.

That said, I think to answer your question, I need to break apart the show version verses the comic book version of Five Hargreeves.

Like you, I love the character so much too, and since you asked me my opinion on this, I have to say that prior to reading your quote from the comic, I didn't feel like Five fooled around sexually with The Handler while at The Commission and maybe not with anyone there. I did know that the idea of him and The Handler has been flirted with on the show, only I thought the attraction there was one sided, with The Handler toying with him, but more so to be cruel and demeaning, not to actually get in his cute old man pants. 😨😄

I actually have never written a fanfic that referenced them together sexually. I have mentioned the extreme forms of manipulation that she did to him that were mentally abusive and further served to crush his already tormented soul. I just didn't see the hard evidence on the show for anything with them further than that, but I am 100% not the authority on our favorite guy and I didn't know about that line from the comics, so please take what I say with a grain of salt. I'm not looking to upset anyone with my thoughts on this-they are just thoughts based on how I saw what the show gave us, nothing more.

To me, how Five looks at The Handler on the show was not in a way showing that he was attracted to her like that. I think she's very pretty and she's got confidence and style to the max, but she's so damn conniving and wicked it cancels all that out for me and I am not sure how he could see her otherwise either. The thought of being touched by her in that way, be it in love or merely lust, would probably make Five's skin crawl. He may have been deprived of love and inexperienced and horny as hell at that point in his life, but she'd probably been the last one he'd want to get with.

To me, Five seems to loath The Handler with every fiber of his being, and I don't blame him for it. She may have saved him from the apocalypse, but she also left him there (or the mutual agreement at the Commission was to leave him there-I don't remember that one for sure) until he was so broken and desperate that he'd have done anything to get out of there, and he did. He became a murderer for them. As Five spitefully said to her, (I think in season 2), "You made it to where I don't belong anywhere!" He was not happy about that and that's putting it lightly. She took something away from Five that broke him-maybe even worse than Reginald or his lifetime alone did. 😭 I'd think that kind of manipulation makes it hard to feel any sort of emotion for someone other than hate. He'd have probably rather never known what it was like to be with someone than be with her.

When it comes to Five at the Commission being a ladies' man who had 'women' running through his fingers like sands through an hourglass, I also don't write my stuff using that idea that he's been with anyone during that time at the Commision, but that doesn't mean I am right on that, and it seems the comic book version is totally going that way with him. For the most part, I used only the show version to base my stuff, but it makes total sense that Five would want to explore that sort of thing when he finally had a chance to do it. So, again, yes, I think Five totally could have done that and I am intrigued comic Five is played that way and now I'm looking at the show version in a new light and I may have missed some stuff.

Not that you asked, but the reason that I don't write Five having done that is as I said, I was looking at the show, and it's also pretty much based on ideas I got in my own head a long time ago because that Five is very, very messed up emotionally and he's super untrustworthy and has good reason to be. I always felt it would be near impossible for him to let his guard down and let himself be vulnerable to someone like that, especially at the Commission or with someone who was working there with him since they are an institution that is using him.

There were also things on the show that I noticed, and other people also picked up on and have posted about, that Five can be very jumpy about affection from others, at first when he comes back, I mean. I don't know if I am reading that wrong, but that idea was also another reason I never went with the idea he was with anyone while at The Commission. He was in a very dire situation while there and adding sex or love or whatever into while there could have made things all the harder for him to get back or just in general. He did let Luther carry him home drunk, so there was that, and later, we see him dancing with Lila and even in the new trailer we have him hugging her back, so Five is not opposed to being touched. We writers sometimes take small things about a character like aversion to touch and we run with them, and we aren't always right, but we do it to explore angsty storylines and look at real human problems that real people sometimes face due to trauma. Five stories with him being touch averse I think comes from all of this and it's all good with me.

When I do pair Five with someone, it's either before the Commission (like in my stories of alternate childhood stuff where he doesn't jump as early as he did on the show) or it's with tons of drama along the way that is based on him dealing with all sorts of quirks and fun kinks and crazy stuff that he needs to work out. I love pairing him romantically, but I just never did the take with him going there at the Commission. That said, I could bend my head to the idea that he was a big-time player, strutting around there all cocky after a series of seamlessly pulled off kills, using his scary reputation to impress people at the Commission so he could get laid. It's sort of hilarious to imagine that and also plays well into Five's impressive ego and probably why Gerad Way wrote him that way. That version of Five sounds so wild, and again, I need to read more of it.😄👍

Still, I love the idea of Five being a mega romantic and a little less hard like comic Five is, that being based on what we see of him with his heartbreaking goal of saving his family even if it kills him, and how he is with Dolores on the show, and with that, I like to think he'd be the type that wouldn't be with just anyone just for sex. He seems to have major feelings even if many write him very stoic and the comic book version comes off much more full of himself and borderline narcissistic (not all his fault-he was genetically altered with serial killer DNA in those). But if the comic book says he's a Casanova, then let's just say, it's a strong possibility Five is or was supposed to be played that way and that is huge stuff you just pointed out.

Maybe in a few weeks when the show airs we will get the real answers on this for the shows final take on Five, but something tells me we won't. I have a feeling they aren't going to say much more about Five finding love. I wish they would, because I want him to be happy no matter what that means and romance doesn't even have to have anything to do with it. They don't have much time to complete this story for us, so my bet is we aren't going to have flashbacks of Five's mysterious time at the Commission, or anything else being shown with him building a relationship with anyone in this kind of way. They might want to keep us wondering and I think that's smart writing that will work for everyone who loves him, those who ship him in relationships of the sexual kind, and those who don't.

Lastly.... (for those who want to look at these ideas a little more and maybe read some fanfics that explore them)

People I know have written some pretty compelling takes on this stuff you mentioned with and The Handler and their 'relationship.' And since you opened my eyes to comic book Five and his interests in the ladies, I am seeing more possibilities that he and The Handler's thing could have been a thing-thing. In one of these stories I am thinking of, the author did go with the notion that Five and The Handler were together in this manner, only it's some dark and very potentially triggering stuff, but the main idea in it still stands that when they wrote that, Five was not with her because he wanted to be. Basically, in the fanfic version I am refereeing to, he was very naive thanks to is extreme isolation, and The Handler was using sex to control Five and keep him under her thumb more than he already was. She essentially was trying to break him, and she did, and it was super sad. @Mangoshorthand -you will find the version of Five I am talking about here, and all I can say is, it is explicit stuff and read her warnings first if you are going to read that. It's not an easy read and wasn't meant to be, especially in the one she wrote that goes deep into this idea of them sexually linked. It's called, 'The Moth and the Spider,' and you can find it under her blog on her master list.

Another great fanfic writer @badkitty3000 wrote a version of Five that was sexually active with other women, (not The Handler), during his time at the Commission, and it's not nearly as traumatic stuff going for him as the story I mentioned above. Kitty's entire version on Five uses this idea that once he had the chance to find that kind of thing with a real person, he did only at first, he struggled bigtime with opening himself up in any other real sort of way with these people. It's all written very well and explores what figuring this stuff out was like for Five, being he was mentally not so much in a great place after his time in the apocalypse, he was a temporal assassin, he was a much older man that was still a virgin (at first) and dealing with major issues of all kinds. Her story, 'The Sexual Awakenings of Mr. Number Five Hargreeves,' is sort of the starter story to all her other stories with him, and there are many Five Centric stories under her A03 profile, and all are good stuff if you like to read about an older adult Five and what his life might be like after or before the things happening during the show go down.

So... yeah. Another long answer by me and I hope it gives you an idea of where my head is at with all this. Your question is great, and I could totally get on board with the bloody hands, sands of time, on the hunt for a good time, version of Five. Maybe he did get with the Handler in the comics and that was what he was alluding to there with that remark. Number Five is not against fighting dirty and he for sure had plenty of reason to want to stick it to her-pun intended. 🤣 I love to imagine him all sorts of ways, the more the better and the comics are why we got the show so I will always be grateful for them.

Thank you again for the ask and letting those of us know about that panel from the comic. It's very telling.

So.....

What do you think based on all this? I am genuinely curious and it's rare that anyone says much to these posts, so please do chat it up in the comments below if you feel comfortable sharing. ❤️

[secretsandwritings-blog]

Um, so here is part four everyone, because I need to be writing something. I’ll let you know that some of these take place before Tory and her brother had moved into the Lawrusso household. [Those will be italics!!] If you have suggestions for headcanons for anyone, a couple, a different fandom, etc let me know so I could work on that for ya 👨‍🍳

Sam and Miguel often don’t talk about Tory due to him still thinking that she hates her.

Sam has spoken to Johnny that her hatred over Tory was childish and decided to let go of it.

(only kind of wished Daniel did the same thing instead of letting it linger 30+ years. In some way, I’d like to think that Daniel always thought of Johnny over those years.)

To help with the grief, Sam gave Tory and Brandon a build-a-bear with a recorded message from their mother.

Tory tends to hang around Sam’s room, because in some way it reminds her of her mother, Brandon also.

Sam has always thought about giving Tory and Robby a room inside the house so they wouldn’t have to live in the apartments.

Amanda would drop by to Tory’s apartment to see if she ever needed anything like toiletries, groceries, medications, etc.

Anthony gave Brandon one of his older tablets before Daniel decided to buy both him and Tory their own devices.

(their “devices” being new phones and such so they could in contact with everyone.)

Sam and Tory’s style went from two separate ones to one shared one ranging what seems like what one would wear versus the other.

Every time Tory seems to be getting worse, Johnny takes her out on the mat or rage room where she can let all those frustrations out, though he’s still unsure where to take Brandon..

For her birthday one year, Sam had gifted Tory a coloring book along with a sketchbook and pencils, since she heard that she enjoys coloring / drawing things.

For her status at the dojo, Daniel had created a new type of “role” for Tory and claimed that she could be a fill-in instead full-time student at Miyagi-Do.

(this is a role that I made as I do not know if this is an actual thing in martial arts, but basically the fill-in student can have its own dojo. In Tory’s case, that means she can still be Cobra Kai if that’s what she’s wanting to do and the same with Robby.)

Their styles reflected through their academics:

Miguel, Robby, Sam, and Tory definitely have study sessions in Sam’s room.

Everyone else looks for Sam to give an answer, since she’s the only one besides Amanda to get a college level academically.

(Anthony following suit once he gets into high school as well.)

Kenny was surprised to see that everyone was civilized with each other however, he wasn’t surprised to see that they were rowdy.

Everyone eats stuff other people’s plates or drink the rest of their drink if they cannot finish their food / drink.

Eventually Sam and Tory started to sound the same so they decided to distance themselves from one another to quote, “get their voices back to normal.”

All the boys collectively hide away in the basement and claim that the girls need a “special pass” to allow themselves in.

Brandon has a hiding space in the theater room.

Johnny drunkenly bought a soda dispenser so they placed it in the theater room.

Tory and Johnny made a secret language so they can communicate with each other similarly to what Daniel and Robby has with morse code.

They all exchange Valentine’s day gifts with each other and definitely laughed at each other the first year they done it, because it was a surprise to everyone now it’s a tradition, lol.

Kyler is for sure a heated conversation in that house to put that lightly…

(Kenny still doesn’t get the hate on him UNTIL Anthony drops all their problems so now he’s like, “Wow, he’s a piece of shit ,” and they’re all like, “We’ve been telling you that”)

Both Anthony and Johnny say tum tum and tummy instead of stomach.

Robby and Sam get the most stomach aches.

(Robby because he’s constipated (poor him tbh) and Sam gets them on her period, since food doesn’t settle too well when she’s on it.)

Sometimes they all nap together after practice at first they thought it was too gross now they just do it whenever without a second thought.

That’s all I can think of for this moment for part four so there might be a part five in the future…

Parts in order: one , two , three , four , ...

[mamuzzy]

— BLACK & WHITE MENTALITY —

Me, as someone with a Borderline Personality Disorder (and probably other I'm still figuring out), am I truly convinced that I’m a very logical person. The logic doesn’t have to make sense to other people, it is enough for me that I know, that there is a logic and deep thought behind everything I say or think. The problem starts when people opposing my logic, and no matter how I try to make my point visible, I will look like this in the end:

It is also a problem in general with Cluster B type personality disorders, because by our logic, we can explain EVERYTHING, why don’t we have to take responsibility for certain things we do or have done. Or worse, we want to take responsibility AND explain, and people will accuse us of wanting to find excuses and we will never meet with understanding.

Ordo can pretty much explain why he usually choose violence to solve imminent problems and not exactly taking responsibility for hurting people. Like punching Maze in the face TWICE it's not overreacting from his part, it's the stupid Alpha's fault that he is stubborn, obviously and nothing else works. /sarcasm

(more under the cut)

Finding patterns is an ability that is actually very great when I write metas or stories. I see patterns everywhere. In real life? Not so great. Because while people are showing mostly predictable behaviour patterns and we learn to understand the logical steps between how something comes from where (yes, even emotions can be explained logically), we can’t always keep one thing in mind: VARIABLES.

Like… what do you mean that my usual very kind and patient friend said something hurtful and they didn’t have patience for me like usual??? What do you mean that they have shitty day so they entire behaviour pattern changes according to their mood??? What do you mean that they won’t show the same shitty-day patterns on the next shitty day??? How am I supposed to prepare for my friend’s shitty days???? Kind is kind, shitty is shitty, friend cannot be both! Right? RIGHT…? … … Right…?

Imagine that person with personality disorder is like working with CONDITIONALS in the programming language. IF you do [something] then it’s either [this] OR [that]. There is no third options and you have choose.

THIS or THAT. ALWAYS or NEVER. ALL or NOTHING.

Always the extremes. Black and white mentality is a cognitive distortion, it means that we are having trouble seeing the world as it is: constantly changing, constantly evolving, devolving, always in the move. It has to be static, IT HAS TO BE SAFE AND PREDICTABLE.

Finding the middle ground is especially hard for us, and when I met a certain quote in the books, I kind of felt understood here.

There are lot of instances where the narrative says, you are either friends of the Nulls they would die for or an enemy they didn’t kill yet. It sounds dramatic but it actually FEELS this dramatic too.

Let’s break this in the language of PD.

You are…

A friend I would die for

An enemy I didn’t have to kill yet

If you feel like that there should be more nuanced options between the two, then you feel it right. Because in real life, your relationship with people are also nuanced. You have acquaintances. You have close friends. You have not so close-friends. You have co-workers you share a lunch but not personal informations. You have neighbors occasionally borrow sugar from, and you have neighbors you only say hello at the stairs, and you have neighbors you gossip with. You have close family members and family members we only love from distance and then you have family members you avoid like a plague. You have co-workers you hate. You hate that cashier because of their vibes, but you like the other one, but overall, you don’t speak a word to each other.

Now the real world equivalent of the Null’s mindset would be

A person I would die for

People I literally don’t give a single shit about

And then Ruusan comes into the picture. Ordo and the Nulls suddenly can’t place her everywhere between the two option. They don’t like this person, but this person actually never hurt them personally. They have to force themselves to break the computer code based of rigid conditionals to create new options to label her. Nulls, and especially Ordo can’t stand her, because he is jealous, he feels threatened by her presence, and Ordo is terribly afraid that she makes him less valuable in Kal’s eyes because she is Kal’s biological daughter. Also because with this black & white mentality usually comes pragmatism too, he is not convinced that Ruu is not here for golddigging. Her presence simply makes them angry and irritated and they can’t deal with these feelings.

Brain: BASH HER SKULL WITH A ROCK!!! Ordo: No. Brain: BUT SHE THREATENS YOUR LIFE! Ordo: I’m not in danger. I’m just angry. I have to remind myself that is not the same. I want to bash her skull with a rock, but I know that I may be overreacting. Brain: IT WILL MAKE YOU SAFE! Ordo: You are not helping here, brain, shut up.

Ruusan is not an enemy, therefore Ordo can’t dispose of her (and now that would actually be a threat to his relationship with Kal). But Ruusan is not a friend either because he doesn’t like her at all. Ordo doesn’t like Ruusan but he has to tolerate her presence. Ordo has to learn how to live with people under one roof he doesn’t like.

“KAL SKIRATA IS TRAUMATIZING HIS BABYBABU CHILDREN BY SURROUNDING THEM WITH PEOPLE THAT CAUSED HARM INCLUDING RUUSAN AND OTHER MANDO TRAINERS AND-“

In real life, you have to share workspace with co-workers you don’t like. If you are living in an apartment complex, you have to tolerate your annoying neighbours without bashing their skull with a rock. Sometimes even with family members if you don’t have the means to move out from home. Technically, you can kill people you don’t like, you have two hands to do it. But morally and socially is not acceptable to solve conflicts like this. When you are part of a 10+ people team, it is inevitable that there are people you won’t get along. Most people can just shake of this with ease and don’t take it personal that someone doesn’t like them.

But a person with personality disorders feels intense feelings. There is no such thing as feeling slightly irritated by the presence of the not-liked co-worker. That person will cause us so much stress and hateful thoughts and extreme emotions, that after pro-longed exposure for these, we’ll get exhausted, overstressed, and we eventually leave the job, because we can’t handle it anymore, and with this, we risk our financial safety too with it, our health and social relationships too.

I will write about this Black & White mentality more later in the topic of Favorite Person. ^^

Black and White mentality can be the easiest way to solve our problems, dilemmas, finding the easiest answers to questions, but always keep that in mind and remember:

[r0t-t1ngxeyy]

Tw: Loli/shotacon, proship, Levi x Luke, Dark romance/abuse/kidnapping, NSFW!!! and

the Lollipop joke..

Im not letting anyone in this fandom forget those two obey me fanfics on ao3 from like 2?? Years ago. Please tell me I'm not the only one who remembers them?? It was such a big thing for the fandom, Im so glad I read them before they got deleted because the memory is soo FUNNY HELP ?? I need opinions on these two fics, if anyone actually remembers them:(

Dia x Luci : The Red Means I love you

ABSOLUTELY TRAUMATIZING SHIT BRO WHAT IN THE DARK ROMANCE?? wouldn't even call that romance it was such a hard read. Stumbling across videos of it made on tiktok was probably the worst event that I experienced 👽 ON MY MOTHER THE SCENES WERE SO UNNECESSARY (but the adrenaline rush was pretty good ngl)

I read through that with my heart dropping with each new chapter bro?? I couldn't even read through the entire story. I'm pretty sure it's deleted now cus I've been searching for it to make a whole OM fandom lore post but heyy

To sum it up for the people who were fortunate enough to not read it;

Diavolo kidnaps Lucifer, and keeps him in some cage/almost prison cell area. I think he's chained up to the ceiling, I'm not so sure. It starts off with Dia being nice I think, trying to gain Lucifers trust and eventually have him submit but that shit doesn't work and all of hell releases. Lucifer endures some physical and sexual abuse and attempts to escape. But before he successfully escapes,he bumps into Barbatos who offers to help him

He does not help him. Infact, he locks him back up and informs Diavolo.

What the fuck

The most notable things I believe Dia did was clip lucifer's wings?? And pulled out his teeth (i think Barbatos actually did that I'm not so sure). But I can't really explain how gruesome and detailed the writing was. What's worse is that it also included how the brothers were reacting to Lucifer just disappearing. Very interesting fic, story wise it was fine and well written. It's just the plot in general was what the actual fuck??

LEVI X LUKE : i forgor the title and I'm very relieved that I did

VERY UNCOMFORTABLE READ BTW!! i hated summing this up so much

An absolute wreck, these fanfics were so well written I can't even hate the authors for what they did (the Dia x Luci one didn't deserve any hate imo, but this one?? Holy fucking shit??) This fic was so out of pocket, it ruined the way I saw Levi for a good while.

P.s!! Not the same author!!

WHAT I RECALL!!! aka summary?? Kinda...

So I think Simeon called Levi to look after Luke? Which is really fucking weird because Luke is an angel, sure he's depicted as a kid but if Micheal chose him to follow Simeon down to the Devildom for the exchange program then I'm pretty damn sure he can at least take care of himself without adult Supervision, but whatever. Nice plot, I hate it

Levi was totally against the babysitting thing and actually disliked having to look after Luke

Until

At some point, Luke wants to take a bath and Levi's like suree okay.

THEN ACCOMPANIES HIM TO GIVE HIM THE SAID BATH??? Obviously that's where this all downplays from what could've potentially been a found family fic to some proship shotacon fic. Levi gives him the bath and Luke gets

turned on... (I hate typing this out so much)

So, Levi gives him head. I fucking hate this with burning passion :(((

His mouth 'pops' when he stops which reminds him of a Lollipop!! And I quote this from memory:

Kinda like a Lollipop. Heh.. Loli.

I hate this fanfic so much, I don't claim it in this fandom,its a fic not a fanfic👽👽👽

And yeah, the rest of the story went on with Levi doing that bullshit!!! I don't think I read through the entire thing because curious kills the cat. I just saw some tiktok post about it and decided hey!! Im gonna look for it and read it.

I would've been fine without reading this fic, ever, i would've turned out the same as I am today LMAOO