#What am i supposed to do with my life now????????

[pboogerswbb]

SO IT GOES - chapter 7

Paige Bueckers x oc Warnings: sexual content, mental abuse, toxic relationship, language Wordcount: 7.7K A/C: SHE'S BAACKKK!!! omg i missed you guys so much you don't even know! I AM BACK and i'm locked in and i finally got this chapter out for you, ty for being so so patient with me, i will have more time to write for everyone now!! ily guys and tysm for 1k followers, i have a little surprise to you to celebrate that soon :)) ILYM <33

italics are flashbacks

-

Before London

“You buckled up?”

“Yes,” I murmur, crossing my legs and looking out the window. It’s one of those days where it’s been grey and gloomy since the morning. The dark clouds billow in along the horizon, causing an unbearable humidity to fall over Dallas. The weather felt heavy, everyone hoping for a gentle May storm to bring some relief. I could feel sweat growing in my neck, the humidity causing my hair to turn unruly, impossible to manage, dark curls twisting every which way except the direction they were supposed to.

The heaviness was impossible to escape, even in Paige’s car - though I’m not exactly sure if it’s the weather or the tension between us having my stomach doing flips.

“Jesus…” The blonde mumbles to herself when a song by The Weeknd starts playing, nimble hands quickly skipping it.

Since our interrupted moment on my couch we hadn’t talked about it, neither of us wanting to be the first to bring it up. We left it at that, just a moment of weakness between us both, Paige avoiding my gaze whenever she could. The blonde, however, had been growing uncharacteristically more frustrated ever since. Whether because of what happened between us or the game tomorrow, I wasn’t sure.

“So… When’s your dad coming?” I ask carefully, knowing she has been irritated all day. Matter of fact Arike and Lou had warned me about it earlier.

“Tonight, I’ll pick him up from the airport,” she mumbles and then groans, hitting the steering wheel like remembering something. “I was gonna clean before but I forgot.”

“Do you need help?”

“Nah.”

“Paige, I really don’t mind,” I insist, watching the hooper driving with practiced ease in her Nike sweats and a black t-shirt. “I kind of owe it to you since you took care of me…”

Paige’s blue eyes flicker from the road to me, back to the road, face turning red at the memory of us on the couch. Just as she’s about to answer, another song by The Weeknd begins to play.

“This fuckin’ playlist,” Paige groans, quickly skipping every song with any type of sexual implications. It was almost funny, really, the way she was behaving. She’s huffing, fumbling with her phone to change songs before throwing the device to me. “Just put on sumn Iz, please, I’m getting pissed off.”

“I can see that,” I chuckle, picking another list which seemingly is more chill. “Nervous about the game huh?”

“I dunno man,” she mumbles, rubbing her face and leaning back against the seat, jaw clenching. Truthfully, I felt just as frustrated, my mind spinning around how the girl felt on top of me. Everything she did felt so effortless, yet had me probably wetter than I had ever been in my life with such ease. The mere memory had been driving me mad, my own hand trying to relieve the ache between my thighs but with no such luck. Honestly the tension was driving me just as frustrated as Paige is. And God this stupid, overbearing heat, the way it had turned my skin sticky, making it hard to breathe. Paige rubs her own chest, as if feeling the exact same.

Even now, watching the blonde, her veiny hands on the wheel, arms glistening with sweat from the humidity, neck bobbing as she swallows heavily, blonde hair down and straight. all of it had that familiar ache grow between my legs again. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anyone this much.

I lick my lips and move my eyes to the road, beginning to feel flustered. The temptation of toying with the idea of going to bed with the blonde had been growing stronger and stronger, driving me up the wall. Maybe it was time for me to try on someone else. But I felt afraid, it had been years since I slept with anyone else but Jasper. Maybe this could be a good chance to see how it might make me feel? But then again Paige would need to understand that it has to be just sex. Nothing more. No attachment. 

Memories of her filthy words repeat in my head. I swear no one’s ever spoken to me like that before. No one had ever told me such dirty things. It was exhilarating, it had me soaked. 

The drive is quiet, Paige letting out frustrated huffs now and then and chewing on her lower lip.

“Will we still do the pregame interview for socials tomorrow?” I ask.

“Course,” she huffs with annoyance.

“Okay no reason to have an attitude with me now,” I answer, growing a little annoyed or perhaps frustrated too.

She pulls up to our building’s parking lot, exhaling loudly. “You right,” she mumbles and turns to me, face softening exponentially. Paige reaches over, taking both my hands into hers. It’s enough to make my stomach flip. “You right Iz, I’m sorry. Ion wanna be like that with you I just… It’s this damn heat and everything.”

Our eyes lock, and I consider leaning over the center console and kissing her. But I wasn’t brave enough. Not yet, at least.

“It’s okay Paige,” I hum. Slightly hesitantly, the blonde brings my hands up to her mouth and presses a soft kiss to both of them, eyes fluttering shut. I feel the familiar blush build on my cheeks as I watch her, jolts running through my body. No, I’m done being scared. I need her now.

“Can I come over to yours please?” I ask as politely as I can, though the look in my eyes lets Paige know exactly what’s on my mind. I swear I’ve never seen her nod so quickly, barely letting my words sink in. She clumsily climbs out of the car, practically running to my side to open the door and helping me out. The blonde’s steps are hurried, long strides making it hard for me to keep up as we climb to her floor, a slight grin on my face as I watch the eagerness in which she was moving with. 

Paige’s hands scramble with the lock, the key shaking a little in her hand as she finally opens the door, allowing me in first. My stomach starts to twist, and there’s a burn spreading around my upper thighs as I take off my heels, suddenly significantly shorter than the blonde girl following on my tail.

I hear the door close and turn around, chest heaving much like Paige’s is as I watch her blue eyes roaming my body, the black pencil skirt and the body hugging maroon short-sleeved top, her gaze landing on my face, mouth already agape and breaths growing heavy. 

For a moment we just breathe, our eyes locked on each other, taking the moment in. The tension, the pent up frustration, the need we have for each other, until the blonde snaps and pushes me into the wall which feels cold against my warm back. Paige’s hands land on my waste as our lips crash into a messy, sloppy, needy kiss. A type of kiss I had never had before. It leaves me breathless, my arms wrapping around her shoulders, long fingers wrapping into her hair and pulling the girl closer. She moves her lips off mine, beginning to trail to my neck, hands on my waist travelling downwards to my ass, groaning as she feels it under her grip. 

“W-wait,” I gasp breathlessly, legs already beginning to shake. 

“Mhm,” Paige hums against my skin, lips never quitting working on my neck. 

“I- fuck,” I whimper. “I just need you to know that this has to be just sex.”

Without even thinking I feel the blonde nod, lips sucking right below my ear. “Okay, whatever you want Iz.”

I pull her away from my neck by her hair, meeting her eyes. “I’m serious. Just sex.”

Paige’s eyelids are heavy, the normally bright blue of her eyes turning dark with lust as she gazes down at me. “Izara, I mean it. Whatever you want me to be I’mma be okay?”

When those words leave the blonde’s mouth I nearly crumble to the ground. I can’t wait for a second longer, the wetness pooling between my legs enough proof of that.

“Take me to bed,” I tell the younger girl, who picks me up with ease as my legs wrap around her torso. She kisses me hungrily, our tongues meeting in a battle for dominance which the blonde soon wins as she places me down on her bed softly, my skirt now hiked up halfway up my thighs.

For a moment Paige stands above me, eyes roaming my body as she shakes her head in disbelief. “You’re so beautiful,” she mumbles, then climbs on top of me, her right hand hiking my skirt all the way up, revealing my lacy red panties. When Paige notices, she lets out a groan, practically drooling but working hard to pace herself.

“Take this off,” I murmur, yanking on Paige’s t-shirt.

“Yes ma’am,” she replies, pulling it over her head and onto the floor. I watch the way her muscles in her abdomen clench and I can’t help but drag my fingernails along it as she sits up on top of me, straddling me while I lie flat against the soft blanket.

“Fuck,” she moans hoarsely, throwing her head back, her hands inching underneath my top.

“Would you like it off?” I ask, chest heaving.

“Yes. Please.”

I pull the top off, the blonde’s fingertips leaving tingles as they drag over my ribs. Somehow I don’t feel nervous, all my anxious thoughts left the second I felt Paige on me again.

“Goddamn…” The girl sighs, her hand dragging to my matching lace bra and palming my round breast, making me whimper. I pull her down by the chain on her neck, kissing her feverishly, my underwear growing wetter with every passing moment, mind spinning with need. As I let out a whine, Paige gets the hint, her right hand dragging down my body to my bare thigh and squeezing. 

My back arches off the bed, another whine spilling from my lips but quickly silenced by the blonde’s kiss, her fingers trailing up my inner thigh torturously slowly.

“Paige,” I cry out.

“Tell me what you want?” Paige asks, her voice gravelly in a way I haven’t heard before.

“You to touch me,” I whimper, my brows furrowing with need. “Please.”

“So polite ma,” she grins, beginning to kiss my neck, inching downwards my body to my breasts. “I’mma take good care of you baby, don’ worry.”

My legs spread wider in anticipation as her lips trail downwards along my stomach. I can feel my head spinning, unable to accept that this is real and actually happening. That I would finally find relief to the awful ache inside me.

Faint giggles take me out of the moment, snapping me back to reality. I must’ve imagined - no wait, I can definitely hear giggles. “Paige,” I say.

“Mhm,” she hums, kissing along my inner thighs now.

“You hear that?”

“Hear what,” she mumbles against my skin, nuzzling it, her eyes finally opening when I sit up.

“Listen,” I complain, pushing her off by her forehead to make her pay attention.

“I hear nothin, just lie down and re-”

It’s clear. The sound coming from the front door. Paige’s front door, someone fumbling with the key in the keyhole, turning it and-

“What the fuck?” Paige asks, abruptly getting off me and hurrying to the door of her bedroom, peeking into the corridor in her sports bra and sweats. I get up too, pulling my skirt down, wanting to cry with frustration.

-

There they are. By my doorstep. KK, Ice, Azzi, Jana and Ash, holding balloons and banners and other decorations, giggling amongst each other.

“I- wh- KK? Ice? A- how did y’all get in?” I ask, eyes flickering between the girls and Izara in the bedroom, pulling her skirt down and throwing her top on frantically. 

“Why aren’t you at practice?”

“It ended early,” I say, my voice rising uncharacteristically as I attempt to steady my breathing from what almost just happened. How close I was to getting what I had been craving for weeks. I loved these girls but, God could I kill them right now. “How the hell do y’all got a key to my place??”

“Oh it’s your dad��s,” Azzi giggles. “We were gonna surprise you, he’s downstairs.”

Oh so not only my girls but my dad was gonna arrive at the scene. With a girl in my bedroom. I glance at Iz, who’s fixing her hair in the mirror, but she looks completely fucked out. And I bet I do too. I had no idea how to explain myself out of this one.

“Wh-” I start

“Yeah why aren’t you hugging us and shit? You forget all about us?” KK huffs.

I rub my face, letting out a heavy exhale when Izzie walks out of the bedroom into the eyeline of the group of girls. All their eyes widen, and I can’t ignore the shared looks between them. Quick, Paige, say something.

“Uhh, guys this is Iz- I mean, Zari, she uh, was over to uh…” I scratch the back of my neck, KK already covering her mouth trying not to laugh.

“I just needed to borrow…” Izzie’s eyes scan the room. “Paige’s lamp! Mine broke, so. Couldn’t see to read my book.” Her face is bright red, the usual composure with which she presented herself completely gone. I almost groan at the excuse but realise that would just make the situation seem a million times worse.

“Yes! She was! Uh let me get it for you,” I mumble, about to walk into the bedroom to actually grab a lamp for the girl.

“No no! You say hi to your friends, I can do it myself!”

I wanna bury my face into my hands and go back into the bedroom and lock the door and never come out. All the girls are staring with amused faces, hands holding balloons and flyers and little decorations in preparation for my first game tomorrow, clearly suspicious of us two. Just when I think it can’t get worse, my dad - yes my dad - walks in.

“Why are you girls all- Oh hi, don’t you have practice?” He asks, holding a cake.

I rub the bridge of my nose, not sure whether to laugh or cry at this point.

“Got home early,” I sigh, too flustered to even enjoy the fact that my best friends and my dad were here to see me.

“This girl here is borrowing a lamp,” KK mumbles under her breath to my dad, trying to hold in her snickers. What a stupid excuse. I thought Izzie was supposed to be smart. Borrowing a lamp, what kinda excuse was that?

My dad’s eyes land on Izzie, flickering between me and her and the awkwardly large distance between us as if that might help us look less suspicious. Though based on the small grin on my dad’s face, I can tell it’s doing the exact opposite.

“I’m Bob, Paige’s dad,” my dad slides inside through the girls who are eyeing the situation with amused expressions, shaking hands with Iz like I wasn’t just between her legs ready to do something unimaginable.

“Hey, I’m Izara. I’m a friend of your daughter’s.”

“Izara huh?” He turns to me with a sly grin, something I’d inherited. “You haven’t mentioned an Izara?”

“She prefers Zari,” I correct, trying to avoid his eye. “She does media for the Wings.”

For a moment everyone’s quiet, multiple pairs of eyes staring at me, then Zari, then me again. The silence lingers, bordering on uncomfortable when to everyone’s relief KK speaks.

“Bro we don’t even get a hug or nothing?”

-

She’s there, sitting on my couch, in between Ice and Azzi and laughing that sweet giggle of hers. She looks comfortable, already gaining the approval of my friends with ease. We’re sitting in a circle around the coffee table eating pizza, easy conversation flowing between everyone. But all I could pay attention to was the brunette girl, how easily she fit in, how she had already charmed the hell out of my dad. I couldn’t take my eyes off her, the way her eyes sparkle when she laughs at my friends’ stupid jokes, or the coy smile on her perfect lips when my dad asks her a question. I needed her, badly, even more than before if possible. 

“Excuse me, I need some water,” Izara catches my eye and excuses herself to the kitchen. Without a word I get up, following on her trail like a puppy. I know everyone notices us leaving, but I don’t care. I wanted to take every second to be with her, to touch her, to have her to myself.

“Hey,” I mumble, leaning against the doorframe and watching as she looks through my cupboards for glasses.

“Hey,” she hums with a smile. I walk to the girl, pressing my front into her back as I reach for a glass in the cupboard above us.

“Oh, thank you,” Izzie says, her voice shaky as my hand lands on her waist. The girls’ voices are loud but distant, echoing around the sparsely furnished living room. So in a moment of weakness I allow my head to tilt down into the crook of Izara’s neck, inhaling the fruity, gentle jasmine scent of her perfume, nuzzling my nose against her goosebump forming skin. I feel her shift, the curve of her ass pressing against me as I allow my lips to press soft kisses onto her golden skin.

The dark haired girl lets out a shaky breath and the sound drives me wild, it taking every drop of my self discipline not to make everyone leave just so I could have my way with her, just to make her feel good. Izzie’s head tilts back, resting against my chest as I bite on her shoulder, my lips gliding and leaving sloppy kisses on her neck.

“Paige,” she whispers chuckling, clearly torn between asking me to stop and asking for more.

“You’re fucking killing me,” I murmur into her ear, my voice hoarse and trembling with need. 

The girl turns around, her green, emerald eyes wider than usual looking up at me as her hand moves onto my chest. I let my fingertips slide underneath the hem of her shirt, feeling the soft skin there. “We’ll have time. Later,” she comforts me softly, but it’s not enough.

I throw my head back in frustration and groan, like a child not getting their way.

“Izzie I’m so forreal, I need to have you before the game tomorrow or I’mma be so out of it.”

The girl giggles, shaking her head, wrapping her arms around my neck. “Come over in the morning?”

“I gotta leave at 10. Needa take my time with you.”

Izzie chuckles. “Okay, 8:30?”

“8:00,” I argue, though no amount of time would be enough.

“Do you need two hours?” The girl laughs but I shake my head, trying to stifle the grin on my face.

“Ion need more than five minutes ma, trust,” my words make Izzie’s cheeks turn a shade of red. “But need to take my time. Wanna do it just right.”

Izara might be poised and have a great poker face, but I can tell she needs it as bad as I do. It’s in the way her chest is heaving, the way her pupils are wide and the way her mouth is parted. So I lean in, my lips hovering over her ear.

“Gonna eat that pussy so good ma, gonna have you crying-”

“Yooo…”

I pull away urgently, helped by the fact that Izzie practically pushes me off her, both our heads turning to KK standing in the doorway, trying not to laugh.

“Uhh, I’mma be back,” she says turning around but I grab the shorter girl by the arm and pull her back in.

“Whatchu need?”

Izzie is blushing, trying to hide the smile growing onto her face by holding her hand over her mouth and staring at the wall.

“A tissue, I dropped some food,” KK says.

I gasp. “Bro not on the rug right?”

KK scoffs, grabbing the tissue from me. “Dallas changed you already ‘cause why you care about a rug more than me?”

-

Paige

Yo I’m so sorry I gotta head in early

That’s okay Paige, good luck. I’ll see you before the game, yeah?

I reread the texts on my screen that I never got an answer to. I’m not worried, she’s probably nervous. Or busy. But it’s so… unlike her. Paige was usually the one to message me back the moment I texted her. I was probably overthinking. I hated how I got when I liked someone. Not that I liked Paige. I wanted her badly. But there were no feelings involved and there surely could never be. I wasn’t even close to being ready.

Despite all that I could feel an uncomfortable twist somewhere deep in my stomach watching the way the blonde girl had left me on read. Like I always did when I began to get feelings. I was painfully aware of how scary it was, those feelings stirring within me again. I just had to keep them in control. I know how these things end. I know Paige seems amazing right now - unreal almost. But it was just an illusion. Soon she’d be bored of me, leaving me in tears, crying myself to sleep at 3am. That’s how it always ended up. I promised myself I’d never be that girl again.

-

“Jasper, please, could we just sit down and communicate?”

My voice is steady, gentle, like it had to be when he was in one of these moods. I sit on the couch, watching as he paces around me, trying not to blow up. I try to make myself small, breathe quiet, not look him in the eye, anything that might set him off. Once Jasper was set off there was nothing to do. I knew that better than anyone.

“Here we go again,” he groans, throwing his head back in frustration. A bitter, sarcastic laugh escapes his mouth.

“No, not like that, please. I swear I just want to talk-”

“No Izara you want to bitch about my drinking again. You’re behaving like a controlling bitch-”

There’s a pang of pain in my chest, the tears I’ve been swallowing making themselves known as my eyes grow wet.

“Please, Jasper, I’ve asked you before not to call me that,” I plead, my voice still soft but growing weaker.

The man rolls his eyes at the sight of me. “Wow, here we go again. Poor Zari, always perfect, always the victim.”

“I never said I was perfect, far from it! I’m just asking you to not call me a bitch,” I debate, my voice rising in response to feeling defensive.

“I didn’t even say you were a bitch! I said you’re behaving like one!” His voice is harsh, cutting through the air and ringing my ear painfully. Familiarly. This was a discussion we’d had about 15 times before. And it always went the same. I don’t even know why I was still trying. 

“God, you’re so manipulative, trying to put words into my mouth,” he murmurs under his breath. He’d said those words so many times part of me had started to think he might be right. Maybe I am manipulative. Maybe I need to just let him be. I’m being dramatic and his drinking wasn’t an issue. Jasper never physically hurt me or hit me. It could be so much worse. Words can only do so much.

I feel the tears spill over finally, dripping down my cheeks. As Jasper notices he lets out a laugh, shaking his head. “What, you’re crying now? Like you’re the victim here?”

“Jasper, please, I’m tired,” I cry, my voice shaky as I bury my face into my hands. “Can we just forget this and go to sleep? I’ve got that important meeting tomorrow.”

“Well probably should’ve thought of that before, huh? Before starting all this drama for nothing!”

“I just wished you wouldn’t have been so drunk tonight! I was having a hard day, I needed you with me!” I finally snap, yelling back. I never yell, but sometimes with Jasper it felt like it was the only way for him to hear me. Even though I always hated myself afterwards.

“So what? I’m a bad boyfriend? Worst boyfriend in the world?”

“No, that’s not what I said-”

“Fine, if I’m so bad I’ll leave,” Jasper simply says. walking to the entryway, grabbing his coat off the coat rack. Urgently, I get up and run after him, panic spreading all over me. He knew this triggered me. He did this every time he was about to “lose” one of our fights. Because it hurt me the most.

“Wait, wait wait wait,” I cry, my voice weak and trembling as I grab his arm. “Please no, don’t go, please, Jasper, please.”

He ignores me, pulling his arm out of my reach and looking for his keys.

“Jasper,” I sob, legs too shaky to hold me up anymore. I fall to my knees, trying not to throw up all over the man. “Jasper, please. I’m sorry. You’re right, I’m too hard on you. You’re so wonderful to me. I love you okay, I love you. I’m sorry. Please don’t leave me.”

The man finally turns, looking down at me and shaking his head as my wide eyes blink up at him. With a deep sigh, he puts down his keys and lifts me up from the ground.

“Are you done?” He asks, voice frustrated and tired.

I nod, tears still spilling from my eyes. “I’m sorry, please don’t go. Please.”

“I won’t Izara, but these fits of yours need to end,” Jasper says as his comforting, familiar arms wrap around me.

“You’re right, Jasper. It’s my fault. I’m sorry.”

-

My cab finally pulls up to College Park Center, and I quickly slide in through the side door, making my way through the confusing corridors with practiced ease now. I wanted to find the blonde girl, just to make sure she was okay. Just to see her before the game. I check the gym, the weight room, the dining hall but see no sign of her. Finally, as a last resort, I knock on the door of the dressing room, shifting on my feet and smoothing over my black mini skirt and the red sweater hanging off my right shoulder nervously. At last the door opens, Lou peeking her head out with a smile.

“Oh hey.”

“Hey Lou, happy game day!” I greet her, trying to not make it obvious I was looking for someone. Like I was just casually there to wish the girls good luck.

“Thanks Zari, big day,” the girl smiles, looking at me expectantly.

“Oh, uh, is um, is-”

“Paige is here, you need her?” I don’t miss the grin on the brunette’s face, the knowing look she has in her eyes. Thought I had been hiding it better with Paige, apparently not.

“Yes, actually I do,” I chuckle awkwardly, clasping my hands in front of me, acrylics scratching against my skin. My heart races as I wait, my stomach turning at the idea of seeing her. Seeing Paige.

Soon the blonde girl arrives at the door, but the familiar wide smile isn't there. Her eyes look red, tired, the skin darker than usual underneath, mouth in a straight line. 

“Paige, are you okay?” I ask, taken back by her appearance.

She looks at me for a while, blue eyes landing on mine, big hand rubbing her jaw. “I’m alright.”

I can tell that she’s not. 

“Paige,” I repeat, looking at her challengingly. The blond sighs and shrugs and it’s then I notice the shaking of her hands. Uncontrollable, clearly visible. “Whoa, what’s going on darling?”

She looks back into the changing room before stepping out, shaky hand rubbing her eyes. I don’t miss the slight tremble of her lower lip, the way her blue eyes grow glossy.

“Whoa, hold on love,” I coo, grabbing a hold of her hand and pulling her into a new corridor, opening the door to the often empty media team office to find it desolate of people once more. “Come on.”

I close the door behind us and watch closely as the blonde plots herself down on the couch, chest heaving fast. 

“Paige, talk to me,” I comfort her, following behind and sitting next to her. As the blonde lifts her blue eyes off the floor, I see she’s tearing up avoiding my gaze.

“I’m so fucking scared Iz,” she admits, lower lip quivering. My heart fills with affection, and instinctively I wrap my arms around her broad, bare shoulders in her sports bra. 

“Of what?”

“Of screwing up, everyone got crazy expectations. Everyone gonna be watching,” Paige sighs, sniffling weakly. I had never seen her like this, in my head she wasn’t afraid of anything. Guess I was wrong.

“Paige,” I begin, pulling back and grabbing hold of her warm hands. “It’s a big moment, it’s okay to be nervous, to be scared even. But you’re not gonna fail. The only expectations that matter are the ones you put on yourself.”

“I don’t know, I love my girls y’know but fuck I don’t need em here today,” she sighs, wiping a tear from her left cheek. I let my thumb help her a little, brushing against her soft skin. 

“They wanted to surprise you, they love you very much, you know?”

“I know,” Paige murmurs, her thumbs rubbing the skin of my palms. “But I just needed to focus on myself today. I dunno, just feel really fucking overwhelmed.”

“Hey,” I stop her, chasing her gaze. The blonde’s blue eyes meet mine, finally softening. “You’re going to go out there, and you’re going to pretend it’s just you and your team at practice. No audience today, no one you know watching. Just you. And whether you get none of your shots in or all of them, it’s okay. And you get to try again. You’re just dipping your toes in okay? This isn't the defining moment of your career. It’s just one of many.”

Paige listens and takes every word in, processing as her eyes remain locked in mine. Finally her brows soften and she lets out a final, relieved breath. 

“My dad really liked you, talked about you all night after you left.”

“Really?” I grin, making the blonde nod with a smile. 

“My friends too, they wanna get to know you better,” Paige adds. I feel a slight panic in my chest for a moment, the fear of what Paige might’ve said to her friends about us. After all, we had agreed to be just friends despite everything. I hope she didn’t have the wrong idea that I might change my mind.

“Wish I had time to come see you this morning.”

I feel my cheeks heat up immediately. “Yeah?”

She nods, a small grin growing on her face. “Yeah, wouldn’t be feeling so tense.”

I chuckle as her hands let go of mine, landing on the back of my head and pulling me into a sweet, caring kiss that takes me by surprise. But I can’t bear to pull away, nor do I want to. So for a moment we kiss, our lips moving together sending jolts all over my body as the blonde’s hand lowers to my waist and pulls me closer to her. Without a thought my body obeys, skirt hiking up as she pulls me on top of her to straddle her.

Both of our breathing grows heavier as the kiss turns more urgent, Paige exhaling loud through her nose as her hand finds the soft skin of my bare upper thigh, grabbing it needily making me wince. I could feel my arousal pooling between my legs once more, the blonde’s hand sliding upwards until her thumb meets the sheer fabric of my panties, pressing against my clit. We both let out a quiet, desperate whimper, me from the contact, her from how wet I already was. 

This wasn’t sensible, anyone could walk in. Paige’s first ever game in the league would start in only a few hours and she had just been crying from feeling so overwhelmed. But both of us had forgotten, too consumed by the lust that had been eating us alive. I needed her. She needed me.

Paige pulls away from the kiss, long eyelashes blinking at me and pink lips slightly parted. She looked beautiful, like she was already completely out of it. 

“Need to feel you ma, please let me,” she whines, looking for any sign of approval on my face. “Need to feel this pussy around my fingers.”

No one had ever spoken in such a filthy way to me before. And it drove me crazy. The sheer dirtiness of the things Paige said, the way her voice turned hoarse and whiny, the way she really, truly behaved like she would die unless she got to fuck me. I had never experienced it before. Everything about it intoxicated me, my soaked panties prove of how much so.

“Paige, are you sure this is smart?” I ask, my voice weak and shaky.

“Ion care about smart, need to fuck you before my big game,” the blonde murmurs, beginning to kiss my neck, fingertips rubbing gentle circles on my clit against the fabric. “Please mama, need to make you cum, that’s all I want.”

I let out another whimper, her words winning me over.

“C’mon ma, can feel how wet you are for me. Lemme help baby, lemme take care of you.”

Finally I snap, desperately nodding. Without missing a beat, Paige’s fingers hook around the edge of my panties, pulling them to the side as I stay straddling her, feeling the cool air on my dripping cunt.

“This ain’t right. I gotta see that shit,” Paige murmurs and before I understand what she means, she’s pushing me back, my spine hitting the couch as she remains still, my thighs spread wide for her as she sits in between.

Paige’s blue eyes are nearly blown out black with lust as her gaze travels slowly from my flushed face, to my heaving chest, down my stomach, all the way to the panties slid to the side, finally landing on my core. I swear I have never seen the girl so dazed, like everything around her disappeared, her lips parting further, tongue darting out to lick them.

“Fuck,” she whispers, fingers spreading my lips apart to see my wetness glistening in the lighting of the office. To see my folds and the way I was already throbbing for her. I had never been looked at like that before, yet didn’t feel shy or unsure. Because I could tell Paige was in absolute awe.

“So fucking pretty, huh?” The blonde asks, finger carefully brushing up and down against my folds and clit, making my whole body shiver. She was barely touching me yet I couldn’t fight the whine spilling from my lips. This was so unlike me, spread out in overhead lighting in a room anyone could walk into at any moment with a girl I hadn’t even been out on a date with. But it was the last thing I cared about. I needed Paige Bueckers to fuck me now.

“Paige, fuck me,” I demand, my voice breathy and brows furrowed as I watch her.

A sly grin forms on her lips as she gathers wetness through my folds with ease, beginning to circle my clit lazily. The sound is obscene, caused by how slick I had grown for her in the past few minutes. I moan softly, covering my own mouth and letting my eyes fall closed.

“What do you need? Tell me baby,” Paige coos, but she knows. She can see the way my pussy is clenching around nothing, crying for her, begging to be filled. 

“Baby,” I whimper, bucking my hips but the blonde’s free hand brings me down by my thigh.

“Use your words ma.”

“Inside,” I whisper, cheeks growing redder at having to tell the girl with words what I needed from her.

“Yeah? You need my fingers inside your pussy?”

I nod, the words making my arousal grow even more.

“Please,” I add, hoping to hurry the blonde along.

Suddenly, Paige’s fingers slide downwards towards my entrance, circling before two of them begin to break into me, painfully slowly. A loud gasp threatens to spill from my lips but the blonde covers my mouth quickly, her fingers sliding into me all the way. 

It’s impossible to describe how good it feels, to feel her touch me like this. The stretch of her fingers making my body tense and relax simultaneously. I was in heaven, surely sex never felt like this before. Only with her.

“Oh fuck you’re so tight,” Paige hisses, beginning to curl her fingers against me. The sound of squelching quickly takes over, only joined with both our moans. My back arches desperately, and I feel myself writhing for more, for the blonde to move faster.

It’s in the moment I’m about to start begging for more, the familiar sound of a keycard being slid against the reader takes over. Someone’s about to open the door. Both of us panic, Paige pulling her fingers away and quickly getting up from the couch as I struggle to get off my back, pulling my skirt down eagerly right as Trey walks in.

“Oh hey!” He smiles widely, oblivious to the heavy breathing me and Paige are both trying to get under control. “Oh Paige! Whatchu doing here?”

“Uh,” she murmurs, fingers still glistening with me before she wipes them on her thigh. “We uh,”

“We were planning that pregame interview! Should we film it soon?” I quickly interrupt, noticing Paige’s flustered expression. The shake in my legs is obvious, so I lean against the wall next to me.

“Yeah yeah, the interview,” the blonde murmurs which makes Trey’s brown eyes light up.

“Well great! Why don’t you go change and we film after.”

Paige glances at me as I do her, both of us trying to ignore the tension in the room that the man seemed to not recognise.

“Uhh yeah, lemme go do that,” the taller girl mumbles and leaves, my heart pounding faster than ever from earlier. As she closes the door, Trey turns to me.

“By the way Zari, we shouldn’t let anyone back here that isn’t part of the team, okay? Linda would freak.”

“Oh,” I say, brushing my hand through my hair. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

Trey looks at me for a while, leaning back against the desk behind him.

“You know, it’s okay to be friends with players but I think it’s better to keep things at a professional distance. Don’t wanna be getting too close, you know what I mean?”

I can tell he’s digging for something, trying to get me to fess up. Instead I cross my arms over my chest and nod. “Agreed, shall we prepare the interview?”

-

“Okay, Paige, stand here.”

Trey is maneuvering the blonde around, trying to find the best lighting as I check my notes over and over, my mind still swirling with all the interrupted moments that are growing tiresome. Paige is fiddling with her hands, staring at anything but me feeling just as frustrated by the interruption.

“Ahh, got it. Zari, would you.”

“Yes,” I murmur and step next to the blonde, a slight awkward distance between us. Every cell in me was itching to get closer, to press into her. I was dying for her. But it wasn’t the time. I had to focus on work. It was just hard to look away from her. That’s it.

“Closer Zari,” Trey chuckles, reaching for my shoulder and pushing me closer to Paige. We exchange an awkward, slightly giddy smile and I can tell the girl is beginning to blush, our shoulders pressing together. The blonde gazes upwards towards the low ceilings of the corridor, trying to kill the smile growing on her face.

“Okay, we good?” Trey asks, and I let out a soft giggle. Paige looks at me and giggles too, confusing the man behind the camera. “Something wrong?”

“No, no, we’re good,” I giggle, looking to the floor. The blonde nods in agreement, licking her lips to stifle the grin.

“Whenever you’re ready ladies,” Trey says, pressing record.

I take a deep breath, turning my eyes to the blue ones beside me. The ones I could get lost in forever. But now wasn’t the time. Not the time Izara. Work.

“I am here with our dear rookie, Paige,” I smile, licking my lower lip and looking away from the blonde, her intense gaze becoming too much. “First game today, how are we feeling?”

Paige kisses her teeth and sighs. “Oh man,” she starts, blue eyes boring into the side of my face. “It feels surreal, I’ve been waiting for this moment my whole life and now it’s finally here. Feelin’ really blessed and fortunate for sure. Playing my first against the Lynx just feels right, you know.”

I watch as her lips move, the way the edges of them curve when she speaks, barely registering the words coming out from how badly I needed her. 

“Favourite thing about Dallas so far?” I ask, crossing my arms and smiling up at the blonde. Her blue eyes are sparkling, a slight glimmer in them as she watches me with a smirk. As if the camera wasn’t filming every moment.

“Oh definitely the ribs,” Paige grins, suddenly interrupted by Arike standing at the other end of the corridor.

“Yooo, bro what?!” 

Me and Paige both begin to laugh, leaning into each other as we do. My hand instinctively graces her forearm as Trey pangs the camera to Arike.

“Alright, alright. And Arike,” Paige chuckles, making me scoff.

“Oy!” I shout, slapping her arm playfully.

“And you!” She grins, raising her hands in defeat. I can’t help the blush covering my face or the stupid smile stretching across.

“As I should be,” I joke, taking a deep breath and trying to remind myself of the planned questions and of Trey’s watchful eyes. It felt impossible under Paige’s gaze so intensely roaming my face, eye fucking me.

“You’ve got some friends and family in the audience tonight, who are you most excited to see you play tonight?”

The blonde looks at me for a meaningful moment, and I don’t miss what she wants to say. What she’s trying to express with her eyes. What she can’t admit in front of Trey.

“Uhh,” she blinks stupidly, finally breaking eye contact. “Probably my dad, yeah. But I’m excited to play for all the Wings fans too, needa impress them.”

“I’m sure you will,” I smile, my tone clearly flirty yet I don’t even recognise the fact. “Happy game day!!”

“Happy game day,” Paige echoes my words, wrapping an arm around my shoulder just as Trey puts the camera down. Yet the man keeps staring over at the two of us, studying every move, every exchanged look.

“Paige! Go change and let’s start warming up, c’mon!” Chris nods the blonde towards the lockers. I see her eyes turn to me once more, softening. 

“Wish me luck ma,” she murmurs, wrapping her arms around me and pulling me into a hug. I let her.

“Good luck Paige,” I mumble into her eyes, letting go and watching as she walks into the dressing room, leaving me alone with Trey. I could feel nerves bubbling in my stomach, heart beginning to pound in anticipation for the game. The man watches me for a while, deep in thought.

“Zari…. I gotta ask you something,” the man starts, his voice echoing in the corridor. He walks us to our office letting me know this wasn’t going to be a light subject, which made me nervous.

I sit on the desk, my legs hanging off as I cross them and watch the brunette pace around the room for a moment before turning to me. 

“Is there something going on with you and Paige?”

Fuck.

I think about lying, looking through my brain for any cover up story. There isn’t one. I was a horrible liar anyway. So I just sigh, looking down before nodding.

“Yeah, I didn’t mean for there to be but I like her. She likes me,” I admit, carefully looking at the man. “Look, it’s nothing though. Nothing serious, just fun.”

“For fucks sake Zari,” Trey sighs, rubbing his forehead.

“Excuse me?” I ask offended. Sure, it wasn’t great, but he was hugely overreacting.

Trey walks over to me and grabs a hold of my hands, stopping much too close to my liking.

“Zari, Linda is very… strict. You know this. But she does not allow anything like this, she must’ve told you? She gave me this big speech too when I came in.”

I blink at him, my lips parting a little. It wasn’t allowed. That’s it. That simple.

“Wh- no she never said,” I murmur. Trey nods, letting out a sigh.

“Zari you have to end it. You could get fired.”

My heart drops, mind starts spinning. I could get fired. Have to go back to the UK. Just like that. Fired. Just because I didn’t have the self-discipline to resist Paige.

“Trey, you’re not going to-”

He shakes his head. “No, of course not. Linda won’t know. But only if you end it now, okay? If she finds out I know I could get in trouble too.”

I look at the walls, covered in pictures of the entire Dallas Wings overtime, faces changing and some persisting year after year. I finally land on this year’s picture, on the blonde standing on the right side, smiling that familiar, wide, charming smile. It didn’t matter how much I liked her, how badly I needed her on me. None of it would matter if I got fired, if I got my visa revoked. I couldn’t do this dance we’d been playing the past month anymore. I had to end it.

-

taglist:@wbbgetsmewetter @thaatdigitaldiary @pb524830 @bueckersfive @lupinqs @sierrale8ne @d3arapril @lovegalor333 @avvwritesstufff @rosemariiaa @bueckers22 @taylynbueckers44 @unadulteratedcyclepaper @rizzlerbuckets @wosolipa @bridgetloveswomen @paiges-1vur @slut4uconnwbb @xxloveralways14 @bueckersbitch @janaelalfysblunt @omg-imtumbling @angryflowerwitch @ohbueckers

[clockwayswrites]

I made myself sad with the last part of ‘City Pigeons Bleed Green’ and the whole Annalise thing (and then shared it to make all of you sad too). It wound back to me saying in a server, mostly joking, that now I need to make an AU of my AU where Annalise lives. And as @any-mouse pointed out here by themselves: this crossover is full of realms. And then I showered and had too many thoughts. So have some of them here!

Bruce and Annalise met at boarding school. Not the same boarding school, obviously, how crass. They went to an all boys and all girls school respectively, but they were ‘sibling’ schools and so would hold certain events together. Annalise was an awkward girl, all limbs. She was too tall, too smart, too in the clouds. She was weird. But so was Bruce. He decided they could be the weird kids together.

They became something of confidants for each other—for all the secret things inside themselves no one else would understand, not really.

They didn’t run in exactly the same circles, the Wayne line was far more grand than the Linwood line, but Bruce did his best to stay in touch even as they grew up. That fell apart some when training and Batman consumed his life. That’s when Annalise, in an effort to be normal ended up making some poor decisions and listening to the wrong people.

In the AU of the AU, Bruce asks her to visit before the baby is born. As recklessly caring as he can be, he offered to say he was the child’s father. He would either set Annalise and the baby up to be comfortable, or they could get married. Divorce was always an option later, should either of them find real love. Of course Bruce insists on the best doctors and they find what was missed: a risk to the lives of both Annalise and the baby.

Bruce and Annalise basically end up in a queer platonic relationship together, raising ‘their’ child.

Instead of playboy Brucie, Bruce’s cover becomes that of the slightly hapless but very loving dad. Why on earth is he so fit then? Well, he spends so much time chasing after children! After all they adopted that circus boy, how patient with Bruce Annalise is. Not to mention the other several—wait, when did they get so many?

Well, see, they took in a child from the streets, yes, Park Row, awful place—though better now with the Martha Wayne Foundation’s efforts. And then there was that whole thing when Annalise found out that Tim Drake was being horrible neglected. Such big hears that family.

And when Dick is feeling stifled, he has a little sibling to focus on. To be useful to. (And Annalise has long talks with Bruce.)

And when Jason finds out about Catherine, Annalise is there—a mother to talk to. (And Annalise has long talks with Bruce.)

(And Annalise has long talks with Bruce.)

And one little hilarious scene in my head:

Jim stared up the steps of Wayne manner. Officer Montoya stared back. She was clearly off the clock. Her hair down and dressed more casually than Jim had ever seen. He didn’t know Montoya could do casual. He supposed casual made sense though, considering the hickies on her neck. Jim pinched the bridge of his nose. “Please tell me you’re not sleeping with Bruce Wayne.” “What?! Ew, no. Not ew as in—I’m sure he’s very attractive to people into that but no. No, I am definitely not sleeping with Bruce Wayne.” "Well, that's a relief—" “I am, however, sleeping with his wife.”

[astarless-sky]

And websites aren't the only issue. Data protection in healthcare is at risk and a company has already been hacked into. There are no protections for people affected; no ad blockers, no tracker protection. Just trust in the system, my man! In Feb of 2024, Change Healthcare was hacked into and thousands of Americans' personal data like illnesses they have, credit cards they used, surgeries they've had, bills unpaid or paid, social security #'s, your height, your weight, the color of your hair, etc.

All that was leaked.

And do you know what companies bought that leaked data?

Debt Collection servicers.

Patients and former patients former and present bills were leaked and sold to Debt Collection servicers who are now hounding people who don't know their rights and assume the hospital already sent their bills to collections.

Do you know what Change Healthcare, the storage facility for hundreds of hospitals and their patients' data across the southeast did in return for all this private information that was supposed to be highly protected?

They sent letters to everyone, letting them know of the leak... and that they'll cover data tracking for you for up to 2 years.

2 years.

Data Tracking

For 2 years.

That information they were supposed to protect will be around for YEARS in the wrong hands. And these patients can't even change their SS# without effecting their whole life poorly. They can't get away from the fear of their incredibly important information being out there and sold and purchased - this information was supposed to be protected under healthcare management laws.

So yeah, you also have to be fearful of where HOSPITALS ARE STORING YOUR INFORMATION. And you can't do anything about that!

So yes, I do everything in my power to protect myself with everything else. Because I am one of these patients that had their entire life data leaked then sold and while the company got to Fuck Around, I get to Find Out. I don't want the rest of my shit gone to the wolves. I already lost too much.

i hate seeing people now making fun of those who care about privacy online. i've seen people saying things like "well they already have your data. what are companies going to do with it" and it's like, that's not the point. it's that companies /shouldn't/ be able to have my data and sell it. am i aware they probably already have my data? yes, absolutely. but i'm still going to try and keep them from monetizing it any further, why are we defending companies selling data they shouldn't have to begin with though?

[super-ion]

The Engineer

Part 3

(Part 1 | Part 2)

I had jacked in. Unauthorized. Unbidden.

When I finally disconnected from Morrigan's tender embrace, the reality of my situation had come slamming into me.

I had used my access to a multi billion dollar war machine for my own personal ends. I had risked my job, my career, my fucking life maybe... and for what? A bad dream?

I returned to my quarters, mechanically showered and ate breakfast and reported to my station, all but certain that security would arrive at any minute to quietly escort me out of the facility to a hole somewhere no one would ever see me again.

But they never came.

Despite the anomalous access logs, they never came.

Burning the midnight oil? one of the techs had asked jokingly.

Fuck.

They all fucking knew I had been there, but it never crossed any of their minds what I was really doing.

Once that initial panic abated, a whole new kind of terror set in.

Command might be fooled. Security and the techs might be fooled. But there's one person who knows. There's one other person who has the kind of access to Morrigan that I do.

Fuck fuck fuck.

No. She doesn't have the same access I do. I'm the fucking interloper here. It's her fucking machine. She has deeper access than I ever could. Morrigan was tailor made for her pilot. All the while, the pilot was broken and remade to forge connections I could only ever dream of. They're two halves of a whole. They can't hide anything from each other even if they wanted to.

It takes three days before the moment I have been dreading finally crystallizes into sharp reality.

I sit alone in a corner of the cafeteria, as I always do. I poke listlessly at something that I think is supposed to be fruit cocktail. I have read the same paragraph on my datapad three times already. I have just started on my fourth attempt when a figure slides onto the bench across from me.

I know exactly who it is before I glance halfway up to see the long slender fingers, one hand tapping restlessly, the other clenching a spoon as she surveys the mess of nutrient gel that they serve pilots. The sleeves of her sweatshirt are rolled up, revealing the skinsuit over skeletal arms.

I can't bring myself to do more than that quick glance at her hands.

I remember those piercing ice blue eyes… jesus fuck, it's only been three weeks since that moment we passed in the access corridor, when those eyes had pinned me in place.

I imagine those eyes boring into me now.

I know she's been to see Morrigan. The two of them had a training sim yesterday. They have another one in a couple of hours.

Her spoon scrapes against the cheap plastic of the bowl. The nutrient paste makes a sickening wet sound as it rises.

I am frozen in place. I can't leave. I can't read my datapad. I can't even pretend to eat any more.

The thing they never reveal in the propaganda vids is just how frail pilots are. The training, the conditioning, the hours and hours jacked into the machine being pumped full of a cocktail of artificial stress and reward hormones, they all ravage the body. The figure seated across from me can't be more than half my weight. In a stand up fight, I could probably break her in half.

I'm fucking terrified of her. I can barely breath as she takes another spoonful of gel.

The skin around the ports on my rig itch. Like my rig itself knows how inadequate it is in comparison to hers.

The spoon comes to rest on the tray alongside her bowl. She says nothing. Even in silence, she's a creature of action, unable to remain still. Her leg bounces just slightly. Her fingers tap out a complicated rhythm.

I force myself to look up, to meet her gaze.

The eyes are sharp. Sharper and clearer than I remembered when they wheeled her past me. But it is that same intensity that I remember.

She isn't smiling. She isn't frowning either. Her expression isn't doing much of anything, like she's forgotten how to express like a human being. Beneath the restless energy, she looks tired, all sunken cheeks and shadowed eyes, with a sickly pallor to her skin.

She looks like a pilot. If I hadn't broken, if I hadn't washed out, it is what I would have looked like.

An image flashes through my mind unbidden. I see us swapped. Me: hard, broken, tired. Her: soft, muscular, healthy… lonely.

The feeling washes over me, that horrible familiar, desperate loneliness.

She twitches, head cocking slightly as she sees something in my expression.

Oh… oh fuck.

She knows.

I had been so fucking scared of being caught out that I never considered how much had actually been revealed, how much of my aching soul left its mark in that cockpit like so many greasy fingerprints.

I have dreamed Morrigan's dreams. I have caught myself humming snatches of her song.

Neural bleed.

It always comes back to fucking neural bleed. Limited as my rig is, Morrigan has been in my head just as I have been in hers… and Morrigan is half of a whole.

The woman sitting across from me doesn't just recognize my face, she has seen the very core of me.

I let out a ragged breath that I hadn't realized I had been holding.

When she finally does speak, her voice is husky murmur, hoarse from disuse.

“We should talk,” she says.

I nod weakly.

[nightbutterfly09]

Might not be suitable for everyone. If you aren't comfortable with bare body contact, making out, hickeys, I advise you don't proceed ❤️😭

Btw, promise I'm working on the next part for "Am I doing the wrong thing?"

Mr. Tease

“Mi vida~?” Said the deep voice from the bedroom. “Can I have my shirt back? The black one, the one you stole from me?”

You opened the door slowly and looked inside. His chest was bare but it was not like that was unexpected. You walk up to him and hug him tightly from behind burrowing your face in his back. “Say please.” You grin into him.

He turned towards you. Your eyes unintentionally averted down to his chest. “As much as I love you, eyes up here mi cariño.” He smirked and raised your chin.

A smug look smeared across his face. You could help yourself from blushing. No matter how many times you kissed, no matter how much time you spent together it just couldn't fit into your mind. The football prodigy many admire is your boyfriend, and you’ve been living with him for two years. “Will you stop staring?” He chuckled and leaned down to your neck. “Sorry-” “Stop apologizing so much- also, stare at me more..just not now” your cheeks were tinted in a deep cherry red.

“Soo your shirt- say please and I’ll give it to you” you grinned. “Am not doing that” he scoffed and kissed your neck. “You are~” you said and squeezed his cheeks to being his face to yours. “Say please Y/N~” you coed.

He frowned and glanced away “please..” he mumbled quietly. “What was that?” His frown turned into a soft glare. He knew you were just messing around. You heard him clear as day the first time too. “Please.” But he went along with you, because he is aware that there is no way out.

“It's on the right side of my shirt pile” you giggled and let him go. “Thanks” he let out a sigh but pulled you back into him. You shook your head. “Thank YOU, for asking for it back properly.”

“Actually, I don't have to hurry to that interview that much…” he pulled his shirt on. Sae cornered you to lean on the bed. Your face was between his strong arms as he climbed over you.

You could contain your massive smile anymore and your arms slipped up to his neck without a second thought. “Your manager will be mad, so let's not” you said but your hands were dictating a different move. “We won't be long.” He smirked and leaned down to gove you a hickey.

His fingers were curled around your hairstrands and your lips were connected in a fast and passionate dance.

Soon his phone started vibrating. Messages were coming in at a fast pace but he still didn't get up. He and you were way too engrossed in what you two were busy with at the moment.

You always thought that was hot. He loved soccer just as much as you, but he would throw any event, interview or meeting away the second you needed him.

Finally the device quieted down. But not for long. A call disrupted the messy sounds of kisses. He pulled away and frowned at his phone. “Seriously…” he reached for his phone and answered his manager. He put it on speaker but muted himself.

Again he leaned down swiftly and rushed in more kisses. These weren't like the ones before.

These kisses were sloppy and fast. Like he tried to pour every passion he had in it. He rocked his body on top of yours which made you fall deeper.

But it was pointless, he had an interview. This one was actually important. It was supposed to be about his future goals and aspirations as well as his private life. Not that he’d say much about that.

“Sae, are you there?!” The impatient sound of his manager rang out. He turned to unmute himself. “Yeah, listening.“ he said between more passionate kisses.

He bit down on your neck which caused you to let out a loud moan. Your face got embarrassingly pink and he smirked and picked his phone up to show that he was unmuted.

The voice from the call didn't dare speak anymore. “What? I was in the middle of something - I can't just throw out everything just because of your call.” Sae sighed.

“Just get to the venue now!” And with that the man hung up. He might’ve been too embarrassed to continue. “W-wait- he might think we were…” you gulp. “It's his fault for having dirty thoughts, not mine.” he grinned. “Now, where were we?” your boyfriend shrugged.

Finally he got his car keys and went to his car. “When I’m back home, we will continue.” He eyed the hickeys on your neck. “Hermosa~”

You bit your lips and looked away in embarrassment. “Have a good interview” and on that note you shut the door. Leaving him with his smirk there.

[emmasclaws]

summer lovin✿-rafe Cameron

social media/ irl au

you wanted a laid back and chill summer until one of your moms rich snobby friends lent you two rooms In her ridiculously huge summer house. now you're forced to hang out with her kids the entire summer.

pairings: rafe Cameron x mamas girl reader

warnings: low self esteem, curse words, sexual innuendos, eventual smut, angst, arguing. I'll add more if needed :)

(that's all the smau you'll get for now the juicy stuff hasn't happened yet and she's sorta a loser😭)

I looked up from my phone as I felt the car stop looking out of my window up at the big mansion like home that I'll be staying at for the next 4 months of my life "mama this is a huge house" you said unbuckling your seat belt. "no wonder she offered us to stay" my mom said sharing my awe and surprised at the size and beauty of the house. (I'm glazing)

after getting our bags from the car we approached the house before we could knock on the door a lady opened it who I assume was rose by the way her and my mom started squealing their hellos and hugging each other.

"oh and this must be your daughter! she looks just like her mama oh my god you are just beautiful" she said opening her arms gesturing me to give her a hug I obviously obliged not wanting to seem rude or disrespectful, first impressions are important."ok come I'll show you two to your rooms and then once y'all are settled I'll show you around the house".

As we walked into the house it was very warm and cozy. we walked up the stairs with my mom and rose chatting on about plans for themselves and planning family dinner that already sounded awkward. it was actually nice to see my mom getting along with people who weren't me.

"ok sweetie this is your room it's just one room away from my daughter Sarah's and right across from my son rafes room." she said while gesturing toward both rooms and opening the door to my room for me. "thank you so much Mrs. Cameron" I thanked her while putting my luggage in my room.

"ok so that was my room so now lemme show you the whole house." I said to bailey who I was facetimeing, I opened my door heading towards the stairs I stop in my tracks when I see the son rafe I hadn't expected him to be home so soon I thought he'd be out partying and doing what guys like him do, I only assumed this because I sorta kinda stalked his and his sisters instas but that doesn't matter rn.

"oh hi you must be the girl rose was talking about, y/n right?" he said as he fully got up the stairs. holy shit he was handsome how am I supposed to spend an entire summer with him." yeah I am your must be rafe, it's nice to meet you" I said with a soft smile on my face trying to hide the pure nerves inside of me right now.

"yeah nice to meet you too, well I'm going to my room see you later" he said as he walked off toward his room, I replied with mhm and a nod before staring right back at phone to see if bailey had just seen the absolute man that I just saw.

"oh my god? he was like so hot I guess you will find a hot guy this summer" she said in a quiet squeal "I know omg oh but anyways house tour girl" I said walking down the stairs and heading towards the kitchen. As I headed toward the kitchen I saw Sarah Cameron or on her Instagram Sarah Routledge she was scrolling on her phone while eating strawberries out of a bowl.

"oh hi your y/n right?, nice to meet you!!" Sarah said with a big smile and reaching for a hug, "yeah and you must be Sarah nice to meet you too!" I said with the same smile on my face, she's so pretty oh em gee. "y/n are you still there?? earth to y/n" bailey said from the phone, "yeah sorry omg" I apologized "I'm on the phone with my friend doing like a house tour you know" I explained to Sarah her eyes lit up with excitement before saying "omg lemme show you around I love showing the place come on follow me" she said getting up to show me and bailey the kitchen.

In the middle of the tour bailey said she had to go cause her mom was dragging her to the store to get groceries for dinner, so sarah out of kindness for her new house mate and her potentially new bestie decided to continue the tour and that's what they were doing right now. "ok so this is the movie room it's basically a movie theater except we can put YouTube and like all the other stuff on the big screen it's so fun we should have a movie night soon" she said while pointing at all the things she was describing. I was obviously answering and talking back to her but I was just really taking in the richness of it all I've never even had a tv in my room let alone a whole movie theater it was great.

a little while later and we had finished the tour as we headed up to our rooms she told me that rose had planned a breakfast for all of us to get to know each other and so we could all become friends? I don't know roses words not mine.

this chapter was a lot shorter then I wanted it to be but wtv next chapter will be longer trust me I hope you liked it and if there're any critiques plz give them!

[sprinklesoncake]

While I sip on my apple tea and eat my apple pie, let me tell you another my opinion of Calebs storyline.

Warning: Spoilers!

First of all, I was always a Caleb stan the moment I saw him and chapter 4 broke me back then. My worry was, how the devs will handle him in the story. It is hard writing a character who is suppose to be dead in MCs eyes.

His introduction was🥵 him in uniform and then using his evol against an assassin had me feel things and then the scene where the fleet landed and him in his sunglasses AHHHHHH!

The interrogation was also hot af! But that’s not my point, I could go on for days talking about how sexy Caleb is lol When they hugged you could actually feel the relief on both sides. Let me say this but MC in this story was better than before in my opinion.

And I know a lot are creep out by his possessiveness but knowing that he also lost his parents as a young child he probably was already traumatised and then MC came into his life, someone who gave him warmth, that little boy wanted to start protecting his sun so bad. In his anecdotes there is a hint that Caleb was already possessive like he is now. He almost lost his life too during his training as an aerospace pilot but the only thing that kept him fighting was the thought of MC. And now after the explosion he took the sacrifice to be an experiment so that MC won’t have to go through that. In his mind it’s better to be alive than letting MC fight on her own.

And that chip??? Every soldier seems to have in the fleet where they basically become cold and emotionless soldiers? Or when that kid was crying for his sister’s death and the chip realised an error? MC in his myth was implementing one into herself (Might be wrong but I think it is heavily implied) and the chip made her go crazy. She thought there is no tomorrow! Maybe that chip also makes Calebs fear even bigger and that’s why he’s like that now. And possessiveness might not be count as a “weak feeling” by the system.

His possessiveness throughout the main story makes more sense now if you keep that in mind. Am I still mad that he drugged us? Absolutely! But it shows me how easy it is for love turning into possession, the fear he feels makes him do things he normally wouldn’t act out. He wants to protect his sun so bad.

MC however wants to go back in time where everything was still alright. She sees that Caleb is in pain, that someone who had no secrets with her suddenly is not telling her everything. Unlike Zayne, who MC met again as basically “a stranger”, Caleb was constantly in her life and both of them didn’t want to be separated ever. It is understandable that she can’t grasp the “new Caleb” yet.

Both of them yearn for each other so badly and want whats best for the other one but they need to understand that none of them is the same as before. MC is not a child, she knows things about herself which she can’t ignore anymore and Caleb needs to accept that. MC on the other hand needs to accept that after the explosion, Caleb due to circumstances is not the Caleb she knew before.

I was so happy when the start of his myth told us that they found a way to coexist but you could feel that they don’t fully accept it 100%. Yet both of them are ready to die for each other.

I really like how the devs wrote this story. It is exactly how I thought the vibe would be between those two and I can’t wait for the next story cards and main story.

What is your thought, dear reader?

[my-castles-crumbling]

i live in a red state

i wish i didnt.

i wish i wasnt queer

i wish i wasn’t a women

i wish i was safe.

do u live in a red state? u don’t have to tell me.

i want to scream. i want my FUCKING RIGHTS-

WHAT THE HELL WHAT THE FUCK WHY IS THIS FAIR

I want to scream into a fucking field

how the fuck

my grandmother pulled me aside the day after trump won and told me she remembered roe vs wade being instated. she remembered finally feeling like things were going in a good direction, as she gained the rights she deserved.

she told me to buy the morning after pill now. she told me what brands last 4 years before the expiration date.

she told me to tell her if i needed an illegal abortion and she would help me.

she told me she would find me whatever i need. a therapist i can trust. pills. she cried.

i just knew she could little her inside me. i just knew that the her that got rights was screaming inside with me. crying.

my friends call me dramatic. they don’t get it. i can’t feel safe like this. it’s already not safe.

i’m 17. this is my future and I couldn’t even vote for it. It’s my life being ripped away from me.

maybe i’ll go far away for university. canada or england or australia. wherever I can get a visa- I don’t know how it works.

maybe one day i’ll have grandkids and they’ll say “I can’t believe that when you were alive, there was a time without roe vs wade” and i’ll say “I know, but it’s not like that anymore. you’re safe now.”

i can’t have a child under this. i mean i don’t want to yet, but you get my point. CHILDREN Cas, children are being brought into this world, this country. ready to be propaganda’d to death and told the best country in the world doesn’t have free healthcare or safe skls or WOMENS RIGHTS

i have never felt more like i’m living through history. like in twenty years i’ll be pulled over by a kid with a microphone and he’ll ask me “what was it like to lose your rights when you were a child” and all i’ll be able to say is “I had to face the reality that if i’m ever assaulted in my sketchy horrid neighbourhood with misogynistic men, I’ll have to have their children”

i’ll have to say about sitting in a room that’s more male than female at thanksgiving and christmas and just knowing every man voted against my rights. and my safety. knowing that I mean nothing to them.

four years.

what’s four years in the grand scheme of things huh Cas?

it’ll be fine. it has to be.

and if it’s not, my grandmother and me will just run away. and leave my 19 year old brother who voted for trump behind. how am I supposed to feel about that?

Honestly, I think however you feel is completely valid. I don't currently live in a red state, but I did during the last Trump presidency and it wasn't good. I understand a lot of what you're feeling. I know people are saying that it's just four years, it'll be okay, whatever, but I don't know how true that is and even if it is true, it doesn't negate the awfulness that is happening now. How have a right to be upset and feel let down.

[missmarveledsblog]

Once in a lifetime kinda deal (Mafia!Bucky Barnes x reader)

Part one: Father dearest what ?

Summary: When the daughter of Tony Stark is in an arranged marriage with her bodyguard's best friend. Another mafia boss James Barnes the two find themselves liking the arrangement more than expected although the life of a mafia boss is never smooth sailing

Warnings: strong language , fast burn , goofy, Tony starks sarcasm , readers sarcastic ass , mafia au , age gap (legal reader 24 , buckys 40s )

To say it was awkward was probably an understatement, what was supposed to be a regular job suddenly went tits up and in a fast way hell she was only doing the job to pay for college . She, as well as three  of her coworkers, sat in some kitchen while watching the rain outside poured down , kids long gone while they waited to be paid . Being fairies for kids parties was fun most times, while other times not so fun especially with some creep of a  dad  was slipping numbers in the straps of their dresses  with a slimy wink was definitely a downside. Another was the owner gave them alcohol while they waited and now she sat with three drunk fairies . didn’t help when they did leave , they could barely stand so she was the one to apologize  only for the father to slip his number and ask her to work his club sometime.  With a a polite rejection ,  she went out to the car , lucky for her it was her uncle to collect them .

“ Hey, have fun girls” he chuckled.

“ they sure did happy ” she rolled her eyes .

“ bad one huh?” he asked.

“ well other than creepy dads and spoiled kids it was a great one” she huffed pullin a sweatshirt over herself.

“ Come on, we get food in them,” he laughed. She ignored their slurred chats with her uncle knowing he was being his gentleman self to make sure they ate  before getting them home.

“ Why do you do this?” Maya slurred.

“ because I want to pay for my own college” she shrugged.

“ but your dad’s one of the richest dudes, and you got hot uncles , happy abd the adonis” Maya whined.

“ Probably because of their gangsters,” Kelly whispered .  She just rolled her eyes knowing they were dying to say it and now with the bravery of the alcohol .

“ ok girls we're here” he called opening the door seeing it was one of the many places her dad was the owner of  pulling off the sweatshirt she ran into the restaurant getting out of the rain .

“ you ok” her uncle asked again .

“i’m fine least they said it instead of tip-toeing” she laughed as the two walked in.

“ no alcohol for them” he called as the waiter walked over to the table as the girl collectively whine. “ i’ll see if your dad’s here” he smiled before leaving her to the other drunk fairies.

“ this place is insane” the girls  giggled and snorted .

“ yeah it’s something” she hummed wishing she went home instead .

“ what can i get you ladies” the waiter eyed them up sleazy grin on his face.

“ some burgers and fries please” she smiled but the man look at her like she asked for his social security and pay check in one.

“ we don’t do that here the denny’s down the road might be more your pace” he scoffed.

“ i always have cheese burgers here and don’t assume from how were dressed ..” .

“ that your strippers trying to eat and run” he snickered.

“ hey her daddy runs this place” kelly stood swaying slightly.

“ sugar daddies don’t count” he rolled his eyes . “ look girls i’m not missing out on actual customers so ..”  He was cut off by the sound of a clearing of a throat.

“ Mr. Rogers,” he gasped.

“ hey stevie happy’s gone see if dad’s here” she smiled as the mans face paled.

“ hey pretty girl” sam walked up .

“ so burger and fries thank you” she turned to the waiter.

“ right away miss stark” he ran off .

“ wow that was so cool” kelly laughed.

“ girls have fun” sam winked making them giggle like school girls .

“ they did  i guess my dad is actually here” she nodded.

“ why am i seeing fairies” a voice called .

“ because pretty girl here works as one for parties duh” sam scoffed .

“ kids parties” she corrected .

“ we could change that for you guys” maya winked.

“ they could i still do kids parties” she laughed

.  “Damn shame” the mysterious stranger smirked .

“ so hows college going” steve asked playfully pushing the man at his side  .

“ kicking my ass but i love it” she smiled brightly.

“ princess  boss wants to see you” happy called .

“ oh great” she huffed .

“ Happy, can you watch them” she pleaded.

“ course i can '' he smiled  as she walked by as the men followed after.

“ so the boss rents out fairies now” the stranger asked.

“ only on Saturdays, '' she called back .

'' So what are  you a sugar baby? '' the stranger asked again .

“ bucky shut up, '' Steve hissed.

“ i’m better than a sugar baby” was all she said before the men nodded.

“ shit is that his wife” she could hear him whisper.

“ new guy shush” she laughed as they walked into the room .

“ my beautiful daughter everyone” she looked as her father stood and they followed .  “ Hey dad , it’s nice to meet you all” she smiled .

“ Are you still doing that kid party thing?” he asked.

“No, I dressed like this for fun” she rolled her eyes .

“ its cute kid, '' Rhodey laughed.

'' Come on sit, happy's gonna bring your friends home” her father smiled, almost too friendly for her liking .

“ what’s going on? '' she whispered to Natasha Romanoff, one of her fathers favorite co-workers, giving the woman's looks and abilities to get a job done quick and easy and her mothers sister.

“ i’m sorry” was all she said .

“  so you're all here for the partly all of you men have been selected for a reason  , one of you is a suitable suitor for my dearest Y/N  here” she heard the words as clear as day yet it wasn’t like she did at all . she knew it was coming. Most girls in this life were basically sold off  to strengthen the business side of things.

“ Wait tony think about this” rhodey almost spat his drink .

“ I did it’s time” he dismissed him instantly. “ Dad, may I speak to you privately?” she asked sweetly .

“ Of course pumpkin” he smiled as she led the way only for Bruce to open the door .

“ thanks banner” she smiled so forcefully . Once the door was closed she wanted to throw something at her father .

“ What the hell  did you fall and hit your head ? “ was all she could say .

“ Look  I get i blindsided you but it’s all your choice ok , kid people need to know i run tight ship and you're part of that ship” he sighed.

“ What else aren’t you telling me” she looked at him.

“ well it’s peter , he fucked up big time lost a big a shipment” he explained .

“ that why you don’t let kids fucking do this” . “ I know but now I need you to do this for me , I'll make sure you still stay in college and all that good stuff, “ he pleaded .

“ I pick the suitor if I don't like them, it doesn't happen” she said knowing it was only the way she could gain control of the situation .

“done ,  there’s a dress there pep pick it out after she threw a vase at my head” he rubbed the back of his neck.

“ of all my stepmothers she’s my favorite” she smiled sadly knowing why the woman wasn’t here .

“ I'll let you change,” he smiled brightly .

“ kind of you” she scoffed  .

“ Kid it’s either that or Peter pays” he sighed. “ Why do you think i’m doing it ? cause it not for you ” she growled, pulling the dress out .

Steve sat looking around the room pissed off wondering how Tony could do this and by looking at her face she wasn’t expecting it, another thing he knew it was for real . she couldn’t go with any of these men , all animals in their own way especially how Rumlow  was looking at her. That was only telling he would put on the charm but they all knew how he really treated the women in his life , hell the last one found the bottom of a lake more appealing .  He could feel Sam stiffen up as well knowing he and many of the Avengers gang  didn’t like this. They loved Y/N  like a sister or niece and this wasn’t what they wanted for her.  Then like a lightbulb went off in his head he looked to his best friend beside him , He was his own man  nearly  up there with the Starks and he didn’t miss how Bucky froze a little in his spot when he met the stark girl .

“ I need to pull in that favor,” steve whispered.

“ which favor punk” bucky looked around the table he didn’t want her to go with these men they were cruel bastards .

“ when i saved your life , I need you to save another” he whispered.

“ is that why you brought me here?” he arched his brow.

“ no but i mean it works out better this way , come on we can work out details doesn’t need to be a real wedding” steve pleaded.

“ hey I'll cash in my favor too” sam caught on to what they were talking about .

“ Fine, I'll put myself forward as a suitor , she really means this much to you both” he asked as the men nodded.

“ she helped my sister out of a real bad situation , look a girl like her shouldn’t have to do this she a saint amongst sinners” sam sighed.

“ Plus you get in with starks like you want,” Steve added.

“ I'm rethinking that” he shook his head.

“ plus i saw your eyes when you looked at her,” Steve smirked.

“ you need your eyes checked punk” bucky smiled although his best friend wasn’t lying but he felt bad for his lie .

“ Now she agreed gentlemen so let's just have a meal then we can talk another time '' Tony announced taking his seats ignoring the glares from his own men and nat . 

“ What's the deal with it all?” Rumlow smiled.

“ She picks the suitor, it's her choice and her rules” Tony  took his wine . “ If you don't like it, there's the door,” he added.

“ she ok” nat asked.

“ yeah she just changing out of her fairy thing” tony shrugged.

“ i’ll go check on her” nat smiled hand squeezing tony’s shoulder a little harder making the man smile through gritted teeth.

“ malyshka” she asked, coming further into the office.

“ down here” she called laying on the floor.

“ If you want, we can run now. I'll get Bruce to get the car ready” she looked down .

“ And then how will you adopt then?” she looked up at the redhead.

“ doesn’t matter ,  I promised my sister i wouldn’t let you get sold off like she did”she shook her head.

“ my dad isn’t like drekov he’ll let me choose” she smiled sadly.

“ he is a little but look we can go when your ready” the red head mused.

“ i’m doing it nat peter in trouble  my dad’s fault for trusting a kid to do something so big but he’s my brother i have to ” she sighed .

“ well then i’m making sure whoever it is will know the widows will be watching”.

“ i’ve no doubt they will , how is yelena” she asked standing pulling the dress over her head .

“ well lucky she not here is all i can say” she laughed dryly.

“ look i’ll be fine i can take care of myself thanks to you” she winked pulling the black dress over her head .

“ ok he so lied about pepper picking this” she scoffed as the black body con hugged every part of her body .

“ the one she picked out was down to your ankle” nat laughed.

“ hey hand me his jacket there” she called  as she pulled the silver belt off her fairy costume.  Pulling her fathers coat over her it covered her to extent , she look classier then the first choice that was for sure as she pulled the belt around her .

  “ nice job” nat eye appraisingly rake over the impromptu change of attire.

“ well lets do this”she smiled .

“ what are you planning” nat quirked her brow.

“ nothing at all” she smirked as the widow snorted.

He couldn’t believe he was even doing this , he stood in front of tony stark telling him , he was interested in being put into the pool of suitors .

“ I'm surprised I thought you didn't marry barnes” tony asked.

“ a man can change” he shrugged yet their was secret look between the men .

“ i mean business wise he would be the best choice” steve interjected .

“ he’s not wrong but it’s not my choice so i’ll you in” tony nodded .

“ Thanks” he went to walk back to his seat, two men sharing almost a secret exchange .

“ Sit  here , you move” he said as the walker got up .

“ Sir, I could take care of her,” John began.

“ move” tony repeated.  The door swung open and the room went completely quiet  all eyes on her  even though Bucky couldn’t tear his eyes away . She looked like a model or angel or both. He wasn't sure yet only to hear a chuckle from his best friend .

“ don’t mind me using your jacket dad, its a bit chilly ” she smiled sweetly but he could see her testing her father almost willing him to say something .

“ yeah it’s nice on you kid , sharon .. i mean pepper picked great” he smiled forcefully.

“ bingo”she smirking as his  eyes narrowed slightly .

“ You look like a great doll” bucky smiled. “Thank you … sorry i didn’t get your name” she held her hand out.

“ jame barnes but friends call me bucky '' he kissed her hand.

'' So sweets what was with the get up before '' Rumlow called.

“ I work as a fairy for kids' parties so I can pay for my own college fees” she smiled.

“ daddy can’t pay, ''he snorted.

'' Daddy could buy the whole college but I wanted to be independent in my own way, learning the world around you helps' ' she smiled sweetly yet her grip on the knife suggested otherwise. “ i mean most of the people put on a front for you guys it hard to read them but when you do what i do you find a lot more under the surface” she added. “ i like that , what do you do in college doll” bucky asked.

“ she is a business and law major” tony cut in actually sounding proud.

“ nah girls belong at home this modern shit fills their heads with crap” rumlow laughed. “ i think it’s great y/n’s smart as hell” steve smiled proudly.

“ i agree with rogers” clint winked .

“ good thing im a women and not a girl then “

“ so doll what’s the fairy business like” bucky smiled.

“ kids are great well sometimes it’s the parents that suck , i mean i think the dad today thought he was getting lucky getting the girls drunk but happy came and got us” she nodded her grip relaxing on the knife.

“ speaking of happy informed me they got back safe” her father smiled.

“ good lets eat i’m starving” she called as the same waiter from before came in hands shaking as he placed the food down .

“ would you like anything else ma’am” he asked a tremble in his voice.

“ nah we’re good thank you” .

“ what was that about” her father asked.

“ nothing misunderstanding” she shrugged.

“ exactly i learned my lesson sir” he squeaked as she nodded. “ fine go” he wave his hand. 

“глупый идиот

(silly idiot)”she giggled as nat laughed.

“он безобидная кукла

(he’s harmless doll)” bucky smirked.

“ stop talking russian darling it’s rude” her father hissed.

“ you don’t speak it , none of you?” she asked as they all shook their heads.   She looked down at her phone to see message from steve “ lift home with me” . she gave him a quick nod before turning her head to listen to the stupid stories of the men around her. It was an hours later most of the men starting to slur words and braver with their words and praises making her uncomfortable even her father could see it.

“ time for you to go” he clapped his hand.

“ i’ll take her i haven’t drank “ steve stood . “great thanks rogers entertainments coming anyways” tony smirked as the women walked in half dressed in next to nothing .

“ now the real show is here” rumlow smirked . “ i’m going to head off too” bucky stood just as a woman went to sit on his lap .

“ let me walk you out”her father smiled .   she only glared at her father seeing the rest of the so call entertainment walking by .

“ don’t get any of these pregnant pepper wouldn’t be happy” she scoffed .

“ pepper is coming too” he rolled his eyes.

“  ok was nice meeting you bucky” she said shaking the mans hand before heading out to the car barely looking at her father .

“ i’ll see you later” steve nodded before he followed.

“ you passed test one barnes” was all tony said before walking back into the room as they all cheered. 

She sat in the car looking down at her hands the brave front breaking  once she was out of her fathers presence.

“ look i didn’t know that was happening i would of warned you” he said just as the car opened and the two men  getting in .

“ i know stevie” she smiled wiping her eyes. “ we have a plan  one everyone’s happy with” he said .

“ wait i’m getting in “ a voice called

“ natalia” bucky nodded.

“ ok as i was saying  you still need to marry someone but this way your safe and well yeah” he said .

“ whats the plan” she sniffled as nat took her hand knowing she was being too strong.

“ you pick bucky” sam smirked.

“ you’ll get your own room in my place , continue college all you need to do is come to events and stuff with me” he smiled softly.

“ why you helping” nat asked.

“ because these punks begged me and i hate the whole marriage business thing” he sighed.

“ so whats the catch” she asked.

“ none , having a wife and part of your dads business helps me and well you don’t end up a slave for those assholes in there” he explained.

“ steve how much do you trust his word” she asked.

“ with my life it’s why i suggested it” steve promised.

“ sam?” .

“ same as steve , look pretty girl its bucky or Rumlow” sam sighed.

“ i’ll text my father” she nodded. “ leave it till tomorrow ,make it look like its not a plan” bucky nodded.

“ well  boys for this you got the trust and business with the widows” nat smiled .

“ another thing  you have to let me pay for your college” bucky added.

“ i like my job” she lied.

“ i mean if you wanna be fairy you can but i pay for your college” he shook his head.

“ oh i got invited to breakfast at yours so i guess i’ll see you in the morning too” he winked . nat watched the two before she smiled looking at steve in the mirror two sharing a knowing smirk of what would unfold.

“ no mistresses in the house if you do that do it in hotel” she added.

“ i don’t do mistresses doll” he said she almost believed him .

“  you gave up the whole playboy thing right?” nat asked making the girl beside her head spin .

“ i did  got sick of the show , you done your research romanoff” he chuckled.

“ i make sure my niece is  safe” she shrugged.

“ speaking of Yelena going to have tony’s balls for this” steve chuckled.

“ oh that’s a long line trust me” nat rolled her eyes.

“ So why are you agreeing to this?” Bucky asked.

“ You can tell him princess,” Steve nodded.

“ My little brother , well he is not actually my brother but he is , my dad took him in as a debt repayment when he was like two  , I was six  anyways my dad trusted him with a big job that well has us in this mess” she sighed. “ Wait parker? He like a child wait again how old are you” he asked.

“Twenty four  ” she shrugged.

“ oh great midlife crisis marriage” bucky sighed ignoring how good the sound of her giggles were to his ears.

“ well lucky the marriage is for show huh old man” she winked .

“ already busting my balls” he teased.

“ oh this is gonna be good” sam chuckled .

Once nat brought her up making sure she was ok , she sat looking around her room probably last she would see of it knowing her father would rush the union once decided. Stripping the remains of her clothes she sent her boss that she was leaving  the job.  Before she jumped into pair of shorts and sweatshirt on pulling out her textbooks  laying them all around the bed . steve and  sam all asking how she was so she sent them a selfie of her studying ,  she looked down to see an unknown number ringing.

“ you’ll get a bad back studying like that doll” she couldn’t help smile at the familiar voice. “ well mr barnes how in the word did you get my number” she chewed on the pen suddenly the words on the page were not as interesting .

“ i may of saw the selfie and felt left out” he teased .

“  steve?” she asked.

“ i asked your dad for your number too” she could hear his grin in the phone.

“ for a selfie of me in my dorky state” she laughed.

“ hey what can i say dorky chicks are needed” . “ well if that's it ,  i need to dork it out some more big test coming up” she giggled .

“ oh talk dirty for me baby” he joked his laugh taking over .

“ good night barnes” she snorted.

“ good night doll” he chuckled .  she could help the  flush to her cheeks  could she blame herself no  , not at all man was sex on legs and knew it.

“ Y/N” She could here the sadness in his voice.

“ hey petey come on” she called place  her phone down what she didn’t know was she hit the hang up  button .

“ m’sorry i got you dragged into this , maybe if i talk to dad i could sort it out  , i’ll work for whoever” he started pacing the room .

“ hey it’s ok look dad prick for even getting you to do such a big job , where was i when this was decided” she asked .

“ ballet classes or maybe away with the fairies” he teased .

“ ok funny boy look shit head i got it sorted well steve does so what i want you to do in return is be a kid not deal with this shit just to prove something to dad cause you don’t have to now like a good big sister i seen you got into MIT so if i do this you gotta do that for me” she hugged him unaware of the third party listening in on the phone.

“ please don’t tell me it’s rumlow” peter asked.

“ nah definitely not this guys nice and not just nice front but he seems like a good guy” she nodded.

“Good guys in the mob?” he arched his brow. “ hey their not all ass grabbing alcoholics” she winked making him chuckle.

“ you think dad would let me go MIT” he asked .

“ i’ll talk to him tomorrow at breakfast when you meet bucky”she smiled .

“ looking forward to it doll” the voice called. “ you know it rude to listen to a private conversations” she said as her face heated up . “ hey kid i’ll talk to your dad too bye doll” he called making her hang up and throw herself into her pillow.

“Was that him?” peter squeaked.

“ uh huh” her voice muffled .

“ whats got you smiling” steve walked in .

“ she really loves that kid huh?” bucky shook his head.

“ peter of course he’s good kid not made for this life , his folk owed money but couldn’t pay stark went to pay them a visit and well took the kid as payment mainly because they weren’t able to look after him cared more about drugs turns out that night the dad went on rampage snapped on the drugs and killed a bunch of people” steve shook his head.

“ did you know she did ballet” he asked .

“ course i did , drove her most her lessons makes her feel closer to her mom” he arched his brow but he wasn’t blind he could see it on his best friend already smitten .

“ is the big bad barnes crushing on his soon to be wife” steve teased.

“ nah just nice to see caring souls in this line of work is all” he shrugged.

“ So you are asking Stark for her number?”.

“  i asked stark to arrange it once she tells him yes its a done deal” bucky shrugged ignoring his friends looks .

“ you already asked” steves eye widened .

“ actually stark rang me and i asked him to arrange it after she says yes” he smirked.

“ you  think maybe you should tell her this or maybe everything else you failed to mention in the car” steve looked around the room knowing it wouldn’t be a secret for long.

“ look let's just get this breakfast over, I'll tell her tomorrow.” he sighed, making himself a drink .

“ you know i can read you like a book jerk '' Steve chuckled. “ hell even nat spotted it '' he added.

“ i don’t know what your talking about punk it’s just business' ' bucky winked .

'' oh that poor bastard, '' Steve chuckled as his friend walked out the room .

thanks for reading , if you want to be added to taglist let me know ❤️

[genderqueerdykes]

I'm transfem but boymoding in public. I have HRT on my shelf waiting for me, I'm getting more tired of hiding myself every day, but so many of the trans women I see, especially online, just seem miserable?

I tried talking about community building and creating trans normal and trans contentment at an event and got told that people are tired of trans joy and community building and there needs to be more trans anger.

I can deal with bigots. It's literally my job to deal with bigots, but I feel like I'm being put off at this point because so much of the community defines itself by suffering and I do not want to suffer.

I feel like if I start HRT I'll be too trans to be accepted in public but won't be able to find community among trans people because I don't believe in TMA/E divisionist bs

thank you so much for taking the time to send this, i really appreciate you. thank you for taking the time to share your story

I tried talking about community building and creating trans normal and trans contentment at an event and got told that people are tired of trans joy and community building and there needs to be more trans anger.

holy. fucking. shit anon i am so, so sorry you were told that. how the hell are people "tired of trans joy and community building"? what the FUCK does that mean? how jaded and bitter and disenfranchised do you have to believe that "everyone" is "over" being... happy about being trans? trans anger has its place but how is anyone "over" being happy? that is the most defeatist shit i have ever heard in my life. that honestly sounds EXACTLY like the bullshit negative headspace you get into when you're VERY depressed that just makes you hate literally everything. you don't just have to roll over and be miserable because things suck. you don't have to consign yourself to a life of misery just because you're transfem. what the hell. how the hell is that supposed to empower anyone?

thank you for pointing these things out. what a lot of trans women and transfemmes are doing right now is wallowing in their misery. misery does not keep you safe, it keeps you trapped in your pain. focusing on how miserable you are is keeping yourself stuck in the past. you will never progress beyond misery if you refuse to try to break free of it. yes, we suffer. yes, our lives are hard. but why are we focusing on the bad all the time? you can have trans rage and experience trans joy at the exact same time. they're not mutually exclusive.

I feel like if I start HRT I'll be too trans to be accepted in public but won't be able to find community among trans people because I don't believe in TMA/E divisionist bs

that hurts me deeply to read, i am so sorry. i was just standing on my porch having a similar thought, which is i feel more alienated by the queer community right now than i do the general public. i get less flak from cishet people than i do other queers. isn't that fucking sad? we've made the community hostile to our own, each other, not even outsiders who are genuinely trying to oppress us. we're more hostile towards transmascs and men than we are cops trying to enter our spaces. we kick masc nonbinary people out of queer spaces, but then gladly let rad fems in.

i'm glad to hear that you also don't believe in the TME/TMA bullshit, but it sucks so bad that you feel like you will be alienated from other trans women because of it. i really want a lot of the transfems and trans women who do these things to understand that they are hurting other trans women and transfems, NOT just trans men and mascs. like this behavior affects more than just trans men and mascs- it's alienating you from your own community. literally where you belong, and you feel alienated. you're not the only trans woman who's reached out to me about this. how is this behavior supposed to uplift and empower trans women if all it's doing is alienating us from our own communities?

take care of yourself, anon. i hope things improve for you. you have every right to not want to continue suffering like that. you're not obligated to sulk and focus on how bad you have it every single day just because you're transfem, you literally KNOW how bad transfems have it. you don't need to be repeatedly reminded how bad we have it. you don't need to constantly be thinking about it. you don't need to constantly remind yourself that you're miserable in order to be a transfem.

that's your reality. you don't want to stay trapped in the parts that suck, you just want to be yourself, and that's what transness is all about. i hope you're able to start HRT soon and stop hiding and just be yourself. you deserve that. there are still plenty of kind, open minded transfems and trans women who don't behave this way, and i hope some make their way into your life so you can talk to people who get you without fear of being made to feel bad for no reason. if you have any questions about it or need any help, please feel free to come by and ask any questions you may have, we'll be happy to help! you've got the right approach, other people just need to catch up. thanks for stopping by, feel free to come by again any time

[catboymoments]

Hello Francis maidsonas catboymoments, you quite literally appeared in my dream last night. I am a longtime follower (from the bnha fankid days!) so frankly this was only a matter of time.

My friend and I were in a Cafe (where he was quite awkwardly flirted with by an unaffiliated 3rd party but that's neither here nor there) and somehow the entire time I was there I didn't notice you and your family (well, dream family, I suppose) sitting literally right next to me until you were leaving. I remember you and ur family taking a family picture at the table (which is when I finally noticed u next to me) and I awkwardly like, leaned behind you so I wouldn't be seen in the pic. You must've been doodling on a piece of paper or something but didn't want the paper so when you got up you kinda just plopped the paper down in front of me all “here ya go, you're problem now” style and left. I even remember what dream-you had drawn!

On one side of the paper, I can only guess it was a friend’s or completely made up dream OC dressed like Hatsune Miku (they kiiiindaaaa resembled Juno if Juno also had a lil pink streak in their hair) and on the other you were workshopping Pokemon Fankids, including my favorite ship of all time (surely no subconscious bias there) so you dropping that paper in front of me was like Christmas and my birthday rolled into one.

One interesting thing to note was that all the OC Hatsune Miku drawings were black and white like it was drawn with a pencil and barely resembled your art style, so maybe it was drawn by a sibling? I do remember your dream family being a family of 4. But the Fankids were not only fully colored but they were also SUPER RECOGNIZABLY AND DISTINCTLY in your style, so I guess you really are Mr. Fankid to my brain.

I highly doubt something like this would ever happen in real life (you don't seem like the kinda person to surprise some random schmuck with custody of your drawings like that, even if you don't want it for some reason) but it made me super happy in the moment so thank you for that 😌👍

THIS IS SO FUNNY???? I WAS GIVING YOU A DREAM MESSAGE…………

[ajltheavacado]

✨️ Nezel and Fuegoleon being cuties ✨️

**Nezel is my OC**

I want to point out, that since they were kids, Fuegoleon has called Nezel by Nez, and Nezel calls Fuegoleon by Fuego

And he is painfully aware of her feelings in these scenarios and for the sake of cuteness, he feels the same.

@yellowgreendinno <- You inspired me :)

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Nozel: why did you wanna join this captain's meeting, sister?

Nezel: *shrugs* no reason

*Fuegoleon walks in and sits next to them*

Fuegoleon: Oh, hi Nez :)

Nezel: *smiling like a fool* O/////O H-Hi Fuego

Nozel: *glaring*

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Fuegoleon: Hm, what are you doing here, Nez?

Nezel: I.. Uhm.. h-here.. *puts out flowers*

Fuegoleon: for me? That's quite sweet of you

Nezel: o////o *runs away*

Fuegoleon: *chuckling* Bye, Nez!

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Nezel: So.. how's your love life going?

Fuegoleon: dead and burried, why?

Nezel:

Fuegoleon:

Nezel: *squeaking* N-no reason

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Nebra: ugh, Nezel is so painfully into Fuegoleon

Solid: I know, right? It's so obvious

Nebra: A Silva in love with a Vermillion.. how embarssing

Solid: oh shit they're walking by-

Nezel: *glaring*

Fuegoleon: *takes her hand* Ignore them, darling

Nezel: O////O h-huh?

Fuegoleon: *glares* you'd do best to watch your mouth, especially when it comes to my girlfriend

Nezel: *coughing* G-GIRLFRIEND?

Nebra:

Solid:

Nebra: invite us to the wedding

Solid: took you long enough

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Fuegoleon: Nez, are you attracted to me?

Nezel: *sputtering* I-I-I h-huh?!

Fuegoleon: You heard me. Well? Are you?

Nezel: I-I suppose you're not bad looking.. for a Vermillion..

Fuegoleon: Well, you're pretty easy on the eyes yourself.. for a Silva

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Fuegoleon: Nozel, I want to marry your sister. May I have your blessing?

Nozel: Absolutely not.

Fuegoleon: Well, I already got the ring so..

Nozel: Marry her, and I'll give you Mercury Poisoning

Fuegoleon: awww.. try that and I'll burn you to ashes

Nozel: I do not give you my blessing, that is final

Fuegoleon: Well, I was asking to be respectful, however, I am gonna marry her anyways.

Nozel:

Fuegoleon:

Nozel:

Fuegoleon: I'm gonna start running now

Nozel: good plan *lunges*

Fuegoleon: AAAaaaaAaaa! *runs away*

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

[ashes-writing-corner]

And we are back, literally on time for Nosferatu to come out! Yall gifmakers are gifts from the gods I swear! Thank you for all you do! And to those who read my story and enjoy it, yall are gifts too and I love all of you ^^

Taglist: @exactlyelegantwizard, @xenoanamorph, @hoeia-strigoi, @arwenkenobi48, @xanth420, @serpentdeath, and @landlockedmermaid77

If you want to be added to the taglist please let me know ^^

On to chapter 3!

Exile: A Nosferatu Fanfic

Chapter 3

You're not my homeland anymore. So what am I defending now?

Ellen was at a loss. She honestly had no idea what to do. How could this have happened? How could she have been so blind? Ever eternally…and the Beast had seriously meant it. Even in death they couldn't be parted. There had to be a way…something…anything. This was not how she wanted to spend her eternal rest, lying next to the monster who made her life a living hell.

Not just her life. Thomas’ too for the brief time he knew of the situation. Her beloved Thomas…she couldn’t help but wonder about him now. Where was he? Was he even alive? Ellen didn’t take him for the sort to take his own life, and she would be devastated if that were the case. He had been her everything after the Beast abandoned her initially.

Oh yes, he left her. He left her alone when she needed him most. Left her with nothing but trauma and a severely scarred soul and a heart to match. It had hurt, even if Ellen wouldn’t admit it aloud. She didn’t understand why he had pulled away so harshly, so suddenly. But he stopped answering her, stopped visiting her, leaving her with this numbing sadness. She had waited, and waited, weeks turning to months, before she met Thomas.

He had been one of the few suitors her father had found for her. He wasn’t rich, nor did he have a well known name, but Thomas was hard working, honest, and decent. All were qualities her dear papa had liked and respected about him. Despite her oddities, he was so kind to her, so warm, courteous, and gentle. A better suitor couldn’t be asked for. So no surprise they courted and finally Thomas asked her to marry him, which Ellen was quick to accept.

With her acceptance, she thought that was the end of it. The Demon was gone, she was happy, and had all she wanted. Ellen didn’t need wealth or a nice house or material things. She just wanted a peaceful, happy life with her sweetheart. That was all.

But of course, the dead can never stay dead for long…

Furie whined softly next to her on the bed, his ears flattened as if sensing her emotions. For a hound literally named Rage, he seemed to have very little of it. The wolfhound had literally stayed by her side for the past two days, keeping watch over her for his master. The Beast hadn’t come back, just as Ellen commanded, and it made her wonder: Was he bound still by her power? Did she still hold some sort of sway over him, even in death?

Ellen had tried to be kind in a sense. She had to kill him, there was no doubt in her mind about that. He needed to die. But she had tried to be kind as it happened, for the sake of what they once were to each other. That was only fair wasn’t it? Ellen had tried to give him one last kiss, one last small gesture of love before they were both gone. It was only meant to be kind, as a way to let go of what once was.

She gently pet Furie. “It’s okay. I’m alright. I promise. I just…have a lot on my mind”.

The wolfhound looked at her, his ears perked as if he were listening intently. Ellen chuckled, her first laugh since her death.

“I don’t know if you’d be able to understand. But…I don’t really have anyone else to talk to I suppose-”.

Furie whined, as if attempting to remind her there was someone she could talk to. Ellen shook her head.

“Trust me, I would rather much talk to you more than him. At least you don’t try to tell me I did the right thing for the wrong reason” Ellen paused, “I don’t understand. I don’t understand any of this. I know what the covenant said but I thought with death it would be done. I could be free. But I’m not and I don’t know why”.

She knew why. It said Ever Eternally…but she didn’t understand why that meant even after death. Ellen got up and looked out the window, peering out the expansive, glistening surroundings. For a second she thought she heard a voice, a soft collective of voices, on the wind calling her name somewhere in the distance. It sounded like the whispers of every person she ever knew: Thomas, Papa, Freidrich and Anna and their children, even the Demon’s voice could be heard among them. Ellen felt her mind go blank a moment, her eyes going a strange milky white color as though she had died again. Furie rose from the bed and growled, followed by a sharp bark, pulling Ellen back to herself.

She took a deep breath and blinked several times to recollect herself. Ellen turned to the dog, calming herself a little as he came to her side and whined, nuzzling her hand. She pet him, breathing deeply as her mind and spirit settled back into her body. What in the world was that, that strange call?

Ellen kept a hand on Furie’s head. “Good boy. Thank you…thank you so much. I think I might’ve been in a little bit of trouble had I somehow answered that”.

Furie whined, wagging his tail at her praise. He had sensed something was amiss and had been quick to pull his mistress back from what he thought was something that could and would seriously harm her. He was entrusted with her safety after all, and the wolfhound clearly took that job to heart.

“It’s always snowing here” Ellen looked outside again thoughtfully, “How about we go outside and do something fun?”

The wolfhound cocked his head curiously and Ellen smiled as she got up to change. She wasn’t sure if she really needed to dress warmly in this world, but she figured it was better to be safe than sorry. The wardrobe was shockingly full of clothes she remembered wearing in the other world…and there were others in there she had never seen. Older dresses, some furs that looked like they hadn’t been touched in ages. These weren’t hers. But yet, somehow, they felt familiar. The texture, the smell hiding beneath years of unuse…she knew these older articles of clothing somewhere. Again, it was like a memory from a dream she had a long time ago…

“Let go” she heard a voice sound in her head, one that was eerily similar to her own, but not quite hers, “Please…you have to let go…for me…”

In her mind’s eye, Ellen could see the image of a woman with a face like hers, but her hair was a shining copper color, and her eyes a deep blue tinged with green. She looked pale, deathly so, laying in bed looking at her dead in the eye. Her pale blue-purple lips trembled as she reached a quivering hand out to her.

“Please…love…I’m afraid…”

Ellen dropped the fur coat immediately, frightened by the dream. It was like looking at her own pale, dying face in a mirror. Only the reflection had spoken to her. She set the coat back in the wardrobe and grabbed one of her own warmer outfits for her outside activities, which Ellen wasn’t even sure if she wanted to do anymore.

No, no, she did want to. She needed to get out of this castle, out of this room, even for a short while. Even if it was to do something silly and childish with a large wolfhound at her side. Ellen redressed herself and motioned for Furie to follow her, something akin to excitement blooming in her chest. She hadn’t done this particular activity since she was little and she always loved doing it.

She made her way outside, surprisingly avoiding the Demon. Ellen glanced around, rendered breathless by the glistening snow around her. It was as though the grounds of the castle were being purified under a blanket of white. Ellen stepped out, the soft snow giving out a satisfying crunch under her booted feet. Furie followed behind her, his tail wagging in excitement. He liked being outside, but liked it even more with her it seemed.

Ellen found a nice, clear spot to begin her work. She made a ball, small enough to fit in her gloved hand and slowly started to roll it around to increase its size. Her troubles seemed far away as she worked, her mind drifting to happier times. Furie moved the ball too with his head and Ellen laughed.

“Trying to help me now?” She asked and gave him a pet, “such a good, sweet boy. I don't get why he called you Furie. You're anything but” Ellen stopped in her work to give the wolfhound pets along his chin and chest. All the while his tail kept wagging in delight.

“You are the sweetest thing I swear” she put her nose to his and giggled, feeling very much like a little girl again.

Ellen turned back to her task, and Furie joined her in pushing the ball around. Little did they know, the third hound, Durere, had spotted them outside and ran back in to tell his sister and master about it.

He let out several barks to Orlok, as if trying to articulate what he saw. The vampire glared.

“She's outside?” He got up and glanced out a nearby window.

Lo and behold, there was his Little Soul, rolling a large ball of snow around with Furie, before finally settling it somewhere. What in the world was she doing out there? Chaos still called for her, and she was still susceptible to its call. It wasn't safe to be out there alone. Orlok turned from the window, grabbing his enormous coat to go out and keep an eye on her…

“I think we can start on the body now, hm Furie?” Ellen asked, to which the wolfhound barked and wagged his tail.

She turned to start a new ball, this one to be slightly smaller than the other, when Ellen felt her blood run cold. An all too familiar shadow fell over her, and she knew it was the Beast. She sighed and stopped rolling the ball as Furie barked a greeting to his master. Ellen stood, facing him fully for the first time since they found themselves here to see him petting all three wolfhounds.

“You’ve named him poorly” she dared to say, “There’s not an ounce of rage in him”.

“Because you haven’t seen him angry…yet” Orlok replied, looking over at the large ball of snow, “What is it you’re doing, Micul Suflet?”.

Ellen stifled the urge to glare at the nickname. “I would appreciate it if you used my name…And what does it look like I’m doing? I’m making a…a snowman”.

He raised a brow. “A what?”

“A snowman. Have you never…” she stopped when he just looked contemplative, as if the concept of such a winter activity was foreign to him, “You’ve never made one before, have you?”

“Such things were considered a waste of time back in my youth. I spent the winters studying, learning and preparing for my role” He told her, almost avoiding her eyes.

“You never even got to do such things? Just…do childish things like this?”.

Ellen didn’t need an answer. His silence and avoidance were more than enough of an answer. Honestly it hurt something in her to know that. Maybe that was a part of the problem, why he turned out like this. Ellen took a single step toward him, a hand reaching for his.

“Come…join me. Help me with this” she requested, “Please?”

He pulled his long clawed hand away from her, shaking his head. “It’s a childish waste of-”.

“Stop. Right now. Time doesn’t mean anything anymore. It’s okay. We can do things like this. No one’s here to stop us or judge us or anything. Who cares if it’s childish? A time spent in merriment isn’t wasted time, even if time was still relevant to us” Ellen looked in his eyes, “A passionate hour is never a wasted one. Help me with this…Just once”.

Orlok narrowed his eyes at her and then the huge ball of snow. He sighed in annoyance and shook his head.

“Fine…Once, and that’s it” he conceded.

“Once is all I ask” she smiled coyly, like a cat who had just caught her prey. Her first genuine smile since they appeared here.

But even that was enough to make something in his chest feel awfully warm…

If you guys enjoyed this please feel free to like, reblog, and comment! If you wanna read more of my work, feel free to follow! Thank you all so much for reading and I'll see you in the next one ^^ <3

[legenbeery]

AITA for cheating on two different polycules, a family and a potential mystery fourth group at the same time?

Now hear me out, I, (Mystery Age M) am in what almost seems like a hunger games esque death game with many other players and have been for atleast 6 seasons now. This season we spawned in an unknown world with unknown ‘wild cards’ being constantly thrown at us and everything was uncertain. I ended up with B (42M) and T (also mystery age M). None of us were the strongest players I’ll admit, I’ve always brought a kind of washed up, pathetic wet cat energy to these death games. Early on I realised that with B and T as my teammates we may not be the strongest group. We were already messing up from the beginning, missing diamonds, falling behind in building (all because of B’s stupid golden rules with building and forcing me to build out of copper), me and B were also tense due to us going through a pseudo custody battle over a random horse, and overall I think we weren’t really feeling the love as much as we could. I tried bringing our team together a bit, tried to give us a tuff reputation by encouraging B and T to start messing with people and stealing but I wasn’t made for it, I always felt bad for stealing despite intending to be a tuff guy. I tried creating this plan so that no one would mess with us but it failed miserably, none of us are even remotely intimidating and it felt more like we were a joke than actual tuff guys, yet I tried to keep this to myself. Due to this insecurity I felt the need to also form an alliance with a random family (made up of J, 31M and G 28F) with a car that lived near us, the family were much stronger than both I and my supposed allies in my opinion and I was honestly kind of surprised that it was so easy to worm my way into their strong alliance but I wasn’t going to pass that opportunity so early on into this death game.

This next part is where I may start to sound a bit like the AH to some but the family just didn’t feel like enough and I had other wants for my death game experience. It all started when one day we were faced with these weird boys that made us answer trivia questions, we got rewards for correct answers in these trivia and I really wanted a trident. I however did not get a trident despite being so good at the trivia, I didn’t get a single question wrong and gave it my all to appease those silly bots but they didn’t want to give me what I wanted, it was if they knew and were purposely not giving me a trident. I then came across S (29M) who did have a trident and I was so jealous of him, so I started following him around, pestering him, sucking up to him and quite literally begging on my knees for him to give me a trident. Eventually S decided to try and make a deal, whether it be out of pity, affection or some other mystery intention I have no idea, but S started talking with his own alliance and despite the doubts of S’s alliance at the time, S managed to convince them to let me join their alliance and S would give me a trident (what a nice guy!). It was at this point that I realised that I was in too deep It was then that I realised that I now had a third cheating situation on my conscience, which also meant another sneaky link to hide, this caused me to constantly rush around to different team meetings in order to not arouse suspicion. I think quite a few of them were growing quite suspicious but I didn’t stop, I was in too deep to living life as a cheater. At one point later on in the death game I even ended up trying to insert myself into a fourth group! (Though they didn’t properly welcome me I tried - another cheating attempt, this one for no reason), I later found out that one of the guys in that fourth group, J (28M) genuinely thought I wanted a loyal involvement with them and didn’t even know I was already cheating with three different groups, apparently I was decently convincing? I do think atleast a few people suspected that I was cheating on them but didn’t speak up either way, or if they did it alludes me now.

So AITA for cheating on perhaps atleast 7 different people in total?

Edit: In the end none of these worked out for me as I ended up dying by my own hands ironically, and I accidentally killed both S and G and ruined my chances of maintaining these alliances much to my dismay. Just thought you guys would wanna know that cheating apparently isn’t a good survival strategy.

[mama-qwerty]

Second Chances v1

Okay, here's the start of my de-aged Knux story. I like the beginning, but am not thrilled with what happens after she finds little Knux. I don't know what's bothering me about it, but it's just not jiving with me.

But I wrote 6200 words, so I'mma post it. I might rework it once I can figure out just where the problem is.

Calling it 'version 1' in case I tweak it and post again later.

~~~~~

The fire burned down, leaving just a few soft flickers of flame against the burning embers at the bottom of the fire pit. Two figures sat around it, on opposite sides. They sat in silence, watching as the last of the flames died down, the darkness of the night around them moving in to replace the light.

“All I’m saying is you could have come to me, and I would have helped you.” Callie’s voice was soft, but edged with frustration. “You aren’t out in those arenas anymore. You’re not on your own anymore. I’m here, and I can help you.”

The echidna across from her frowned, scratching at the bandage on his arm. It was sloppily applied; he’d injured himself during one of his training sessions, and tended to it himself without her assistance.

“No need,” Knuckles said, waving a hand. “I am capable of taking care of myself.”

She sighed. “I know you are, but you don’t have to. I’m here. All you have to do is come to me.”

He let out a huff, giving his head a shake. “I do not need your help.”

Callie rolled her eyes. This was a sensitive subject, but one she had tried again and again to instill upon him in the months since he’d come to live with her. Yes, he was the most dangerous warrior in the galaxy. (Or had been, anyway.) But that life was behind him now. She was going to make sure that life was done, and he never had to feel alone and hunted again.

But he was a stubborn kid. Very, very stubborn. There’d been times when he’d come home looking as though he’d gone three rounds with a pissed off gorilla, and only offered a wave of his hand when she was, understandably, a bit freaked out by that. “I was training,” was his only explanation, which only raised further questions in her mind.

He was still acting like he was on his own, expecting an attack at every turn. She supposed it was second nature to him by now, having been on the run since he was so little, and it was unreasonable to expect that to fade. At all, let alone after only a few months.

But that didn’t mean she couldn’t be frustrated by it. And that she couldn’t try to show him that he didn’t have to take care of himself anymore. Not like that.

“Look,” she said, rubbing her eyes beneath her glasses before looking back at him. “I’m not saying you’re some little kid who needs his boo boos kissed. I just want to make sure you’re okay. I would hope that you trust me enough to let me know if you slice yourself open on one of your training runs.”

Knuckles clicked his tongue. “It was a minor wound. I’ve had much worse.”

“That’s not the point, and by the way, the blood all over my towels says otherwise. I thought you’d lost an arm with the mess you’d left behind.”

“You are overreacting.”

“Actually, I think I’m being quite calm and collected, all things considered,” she said, leaning forward to rest her forearms on her knees. “You’re not a child, but you’re still a kid who’s under my care, and I don’t think it’s out of line for me to want you to, you know, tell me when you nearly cut your arm off.”

He rolled his eyes and gave out a huff. “I did not—“

“Can you focus on what I mean instead of what I’m saying?”

“And can you not treat me as though I were some foolish child who needs supervised?”

“I’m not—“

“Enough!” Knuckles stood, rolling his shoulders. “I do not need tending like a puggle. I am a fierce warrior and do not need your coddling. I am grateful for your guidance and support, but your concern is misplaced.”

She sat up, throwing her hands up in exasperation. “For cripes’ sake, Knux, I don’t want to coddle you—“

“I am going to bed. Good night.”

And with that, the echidna stalked toward the house, leaving her by the dying fire.

Callie heaved a deep sigh, rubbing her temples with both hands.

“. . . I just want you to let me take care of you. At least a little.”

She heard the kitchen door slam, and gave a little groan.

That could have gone better.

~X~X~X~

Ridiculous.

Unnecessary.

Condescending.

Knuckles didn’t quite stomp, but didn’t quite not stomp up the stairs, pushing the door to his room open. He kicked it closed behind him, a soft growl in the back of his throat.

Take care of him. She wanted to ‘take care of him’? He took care of himself. He didn’t need her help for that. The only reason he was still alive after all these years was because he was strong and tough and self-reliant.

He tore open the velcro straps at the base of his gloves, giving his arms a sharp flick to send the heavy mitts flying. They bounced off the wall, landing on the floor with two solid thuds. The woman didn’t like when he did that, and would call out to remind him not to when she heard it.

Well, she wasn’t here right now, was she? He was a warrior. He didn’t need such rules.

With a grumble, he sat heavily on the mattress on the floor, shoving aside the curtain that hung over it in a tent-like covering. A few quick movements and his boots were loose enough to toe off. He used more force than necessary, sending them cartwheeling heel over toe into the door. More loud thuds as they settled on the floor, one on its side and the other upright.

He didn’t depend on others. He’d been shown time and time again that trusting others was a recipe for treachery and betrayal. Everyone he’d trusted had hurt him. Turned him in for rewards, used him for their own gain. Yet he continued to trust, continued to hope that someone would help him. Would be his friend.

His mother had praised his kind heart as a child, but now he wondered if it were more of a hindrance than advantage.

Flopping onto his back, he looked up at the ceiling, his eyes floating over the little painted dots there. Back when he first agreed to stay with her, Callie had brought Tails over to try and get as accurate a sky map as possible for those little dots. The clever fox had somehow found the positions of the constellations and stars over Knuckles’ village, and he and Callie had painstakingly painted each one to match those Knuckles had seen in his childhood.

It was a touching gesture. No one had ever gone so out of their way to make him comfortable. To give him a bit of familiarity to his home. He appreciated it.

But it made a tight knot twist behind his ribs when he looked up at them.

Because he couldn’t remember what the constellations were.

The knowledge seemed to flick at his consciousness, teasing the back of his mind, but when he tried to pull the names forward, wrap his tongue around them and throw them out, they disappeared back into his fading memories.

He was losing his connection to his people. His tribe.

The language that he’d been raised on, the words that once rolled off his tongue with ease, now took more effort to get right. Callie had encouraged him to share his mother tongue with her, which he appreciated, but sometimes when he said a word, it didn’t feel right on his lips. As though it were something he had no right to speak anymore.

He had learned a number of different languages in his travels—how many, he wasn’t sure, as there was a certain degree of overlap in a few—and sometimes it felt as though these new languages had almost pushed out his first. Smothered it.

And now, like the fire just a few moments before, there were only a few little embers left of what he remembered. His tribe. His customs. His language. His heritage.

Slowly dying.

He was the last. It was his duty to keep his culture intact. To not lose sight of who he is, what he is. To do so would dishonor the memory of his entire species.

His father.

Knuckles stared at the ceiling, at those little blobs of glowing paint, brow furrowed. He knew those stars, he knew them. He could hear his father naming them as he pointed. Could hear his voice, feel his father’s hand on his shoulder as he sat close by. Felt the soft breeze of the night as it rippled through his quills, while the others sat and chatted by the village fire.

He remembered all of this.

But the words, the syllables, refused to form.

A low growl rumbling in his chest, Knuckles rolled over to crawl into his artificial burrow. Yanking the curtain closed, he bundled himself beneath the thick blanket inside, curling into a tight ball. Shame burned in his belly, because it had taken so long to find the Master Emerald. It had taken nearly ten years to hunt it down. And in that time he had been so concerned with his own survival, he had lost his tether to the very reason he was doing it in the first place.

He missed his tribe. He missed his father. He missed feeling part of something, of being cared for. This planet was fine, one of the more comfortable ones he’d been on, but it wasn’t his home. This house wasn’t his home.

He wanted to go home. Back to when he didn’t feel so lost. So afraid.

So alone.

After a long moment, Knuckles drew in a deep breath, letting it out in a long, slow exhale. He’d been rude to Callie. She’d opened her home to him, and had never expected anything from him except courtesy in return. It was so different from what he’d experienced before—any other time he’d trusted others, they would have turned on him by now. She’d been nothing but kind to him.

Still. That seed of doubt poked at the back of his mind. Maybe it was time to stop being so trusting. To stop expecting anything other than betrayal. Despite her kindness, she could still turn on him. He had to be vigilant.

Soon after, his eyes began to close, and Knuckles the Echidna, last surviving member of his race, and guardian of the Master Emerald, fell asleep.

~X~X~X~

She should have handled that better.

Callie dumped a pitcher of water over the glowing embers in the fire pit, stirring it in with a poker to douse the last of the heat. As the wood hissed and smoked, she cursed herself for coming on too strong with Knuckles.

He was a proud kid. A fighter. A survivor. She knew that.

She really should have expected this reaction, honestly. Suggesting he needed to come to her simply because he’d injured himself? No matter how much blood she’d found in the bathroom—which had been a lot, and she may or may not have freaked out a little bit—she should have just let him come to her when he was ready.

But she didn’t. She pushed. And now she’d pushed him even farther away than he already was.

Once she was satisfied the fire had been adequately extinguished, Callie stood and pushed against the small of her back to produce that familiar crack. Massaging the area, she turned, and headed into the house.

She paused by Knuckles’ door as she headed down the hall to her own room. Leaning in, she heard a soft growl as he moved around. She supposed it was lucky he even came in instead of just wandering off into the trees surrounding her home. Sometimes he stayed out all night, and though she tried not to worry—he could take care of himself, after all—she did.

Her fingers curled into a fist, and she raised it to knock. It hovered near the wood for a moment, before lowering back to her side.

He didn’t need her checking on him. He was a big boy, capable of taking care of himself. He could take care of himself. She just had to keep reminding herself that.

Maybe it was time for her to just back off. He wasn’t like Sonic or Tails. He hadn’t been looking for a family. A home. He’d been looking for that magic rock. And now it sat in his closet, protected by a high-tech security system concocted by Tails. Knuckles sometimes sat before it, meditating. She was glad he had found the thing that had been driving him for most of his life, but saw the question in his eyes on the rare occasions he sat still.

Now what?

She wished she could tell him.

She wished she could help him.

But he didn’t want her help. Didn’t need it. Had said as much not fifteen minutes ago.

Maybe it was time she started listening to him.

With a sigh, Callie turned and headed to her bedroom, trying to convince herself she was worrying for nothing.

~X~X~X~

The night wore on. The house grew quiet.

Inside the middle bedroom, a faint green glow seeped from the closet.

~X~X~X~

Sunlight filtered in through the curtains, and Callie blinked against it.

God her head hurt. Sitting by the fire last night had dried out her sinuses something awful, and she uttered a grunt in the back of her throat as she pushed herself to sit up. She had to peel her tongue off the roof of her mouth.

What a night. After collapsing in bed, she’d tossed and turned for a while, eventually falling into a restless sleep with really, really weird dreams. Something about an egg and trees and a giant owl?

She shook her head. Weird. She didn’t normally remember her dreams.

With some effort she managed to push herself out of bed, shuffling to the bathroom to pee, splash some water on her face, and drag a brush through her hair before folding it into a loose braid. Tossing on a t-shirt and jeans, she pulled her glasses on and headed toward the stairs.

She stopped at Knuckles’ door once again, and this time quietly pushed it open to peek inside. The door thudded against something, and she looked down to see his boots lumped right behind it. She rolled her eyes. Probably got pissed and tossed them again.

Despite his differences, he was still very much a teenager.

Glancing up, she could barely make out a moving shape beneath his blanket. It was unusual for him to still be in bed (well, his artificial burrow, anyway) this late. Normally he was up with the sun to train or patrol or whatever it was he did with himself when he left the house.

Her heart gave a clench when she realized she didn’t really know what he did when he wasn’t here. “Training” was a pretty vague term, and she didn’t know if that meant exercising or running some death course he’d built himself up in the mountains. She could honestly believe either one.

With a sigh, she pulled back, leaving the door open a crack. She’d make some breakfast, and maybe the lure of a hot meal will draw him down so she could apologize for last night.

Her cats’ cries hit her once she reached the bottom of the stairs, and she rolled her eyes as she headed toward the kitchen.

“Yes, yes, I know,” she said with a sigh. She reached into a cabinet to pull out a can of cat food, popping the lid off to shlorp the stuff onto a plate. “You’re starving. Just wasting away. However did you survive on only the dry food you always have available to you since yesterday’s breakfast?”

The cats responded with excited meows as she placed the plate on the floor, before attacking the food as though they weren’t lazy housecats who did nothing but sit around all day before occasionally getting underfoot just as she decided to walk down the hall.

Another eye roll and Callie moved to start her coffeemaker. She’d forgotten to set it last night. With practiced ease of a daily ritual, she cleaned yesterday’s pot, refilled the water and grounds, and let it do its thing.

A yawn escaped her as she leaned back against the counter, massaging her temple, her eyes closed. The soft crunches of dry cat food came from the other side of the counter, as the coffeemaker hummed behind her.

She’d messed things up last night. Once she’d had her coffee, she’d make some bacon and eggs, maybe toss a few sausages in as an apology for overstepping. As he ate—if he ate—she’d tell him she would just stay out of his way, and let him come to her if he needed.

It went against everything she wanted, but this wasn’t about her. It was about Knuckles, and his comfort.

He could take care of himself.

That just needed to be her mantra for a while. Until it stuck.

Bloom and Suki argued a bit over the last bits of moist food, just like they always did every morning. She mostly ignored them. For sisters who’d been adopted at the same time, they really hadn’t bonded, or even seemed to like each other all that much.

A louder growl floated to her, and she called a quick “Knock it off” to them. It faded to softer hissing, as though they were arguing over whose fault it was they were yelled at. Callie sighed, rubbing her temple again, when a thought came to her.

She could still hear the crunch of dry cat food.

That . . . wasn’t right.

Opening her eyes, she leaned over to catch a glimpse of both cats—her only cats—still scarfing down the moist food on one side of the kitchen island.

And still, the crunching continued.

Great.

She hadn’t had her coffee yet, and there was already a problem. Some animal must have gotten into the house and was helping itself to her cats’ food. Mouse? Rat? Squirrel? Not exactly something she wanted to deal with at not quite 8 AM on a Saturday morning.

Moving slowly, Callie grabbed a dish towel, hoping to surprise the whatever-it-was and nab it before it had a chance to run or bite her. Would it work? Probably not. But she had to do something.

She moved slowly, coming around the counter making as little noise as possible. Inch by inch she rounded the island, before she could see the cat food bowl, and the creature having a free lunch. Or breakfast, as it were.

And she froze.

Sitting in front of the bowl, grabbing handfuls of dry cat food and shoving them into its mouth, crunching loudly, was a . . . little red echidna.

“What the . . .”

She spoke without realizing, and the little thing froze, whipping his head around to look at her, eyes wide. Violet eyes. Ones that looked so, so much like those of the echidna upstairs. Her eyes flicked down and took note of the white patch of fur in the shape of a crescent moon on his little chest.

Oh god.

It couldn’t be.

Was that . . . ?

They stood there, staring at each other, frozen in shock for a long moment.

Then the little echidna—what were they called? She couldn’t remember at the moment—reached forward, his eyes never leaving hers, and grabbed another handful of cat food to bring to his mouth.

That got her moving.

“NO!”

Her voice was louder and sharper than she intended, and when she reached for him, he gave a little squeak, turning to scramble away from her. He ran on all fours, a kind of loping half-crawl, half-gallop kind of gait, and he was fast. Callie hurried behind him, her socked feet threatening to slip on her laminated floors.

“No no no,” she muttered as he ran beneath the kitchen table. She slid to a stop and yanked a chair away, falling to her knees to try and grab him, just as he scooted through the other side and made a beeline for the living room. Getting to her feet once more, she followed, trying to keep him in sight. He was about as large as one of her cats—bigger than a kitten, but not a full on adult—which meant he could fit in places she couldn’t reach.

Like behind the computer desk where her laptop sat. He squeezed between it and the wall, and Callie hurled the rolling chair out of the way as she threw herself beneath the desk. The little echidna—what the hell were they called again??—skittered along the back, getting tangled in the cord for the lamp and pulling it down with a crash as he bolted from behind the desk and headed for the side table by the couch.

“Stop!”

He gave another little squeak at her order, but never slowed. Scrambling behind the side table, he latched onto the curtain, climbing deceptively fast for a little guy his size. Realizing she was still holding the hand towel, Callie threw it toward him, not necessarily thinking through what that was supposed to accomplish. But she never expected his reaction.

He launched himself off the curtain and flew across the room.

No, not flew, exactly. More like glide. Like a flying squirrel.

But still.

“Are you kidding me??”

While gliding seemed to come naturally to him, landing did not, and he bounced off the TV, tumbling down to the floor with a few grunts. She hurried over to him, and caught his leg just as he was trying to scurry beneath the TV stand.

“Gotcha!”

He did not like being caught, wiggling and twisting his body like a live wire, uttering little grunts and growls as he did so. Callie kept having to rearrange her grip on him, alternating between grabbing a limb before switching to a different one when he jack-knifed his body to try and hurl himself out of her hands.

It was like trying to hold doll filled with Jell-O, if that doll hated you and was trying to bite you and poke you with its quills.

In desperation, she tried something that usually worked when her own son was cranky and fighting all those years ago.

She tickled him.

At first she wasn’t even sure if he was ticklish. Did creatures with fur have tickle triggers, or did their fur absorb that touch before it could work? It wasn’t exactly a question she’d ever thought to ask Maddie, and certainly not something Knuckles would ever let her know about. Weaknesses and all that.

Her fingers danced over his sides, seeking out the spots that most humans found ticklish, and he continued to fight her. A little more juggling, and she ended up holding him by an ankle, the rest of him dangling. She brought her other hand up and went for the bottom of his foot.

And he giggled.

Her fingers wiggled, barely touching the pads on his foot, and now he wiggled and twisted for a different reason, laughing and giggling at the touch. A smile curled her lips and she gave a little amused hum of her own.

“There, that’s not so bad, is it?”

When his laughter went a little wheezy, she stopped her tickle attack and carefully adjusted him so she held him beneath his arms. He giggled a little more before looking up at her, his eyes big and wide. She felt his little chest heaving from the laughter, and gave him a good look over.

Same eyes. Same moon mark on his chest. She moved him so she could see the arm that was bandaged last night. There was still a tiny wound there.

“Holy . . . ohmygod . . . you’re him. Knuckles?” He didn’t respond to his name. Could he understand her at all? “You’re a . . .”

“Knock knock, MacPhersons!” a voice called as the kitchen door opened. Wade came in, carrying a bag from Dough Ray Me Bakery. “I brought breakie! Or snackie!”

“Baby,” she said, looking at the deputy over her shoulder.

“Yes, dear?” He snickered, amused by his own joke. “Ah, kidding, what are you—”

“BABY,” she said, louder and more urgent. She turned and held the little echidna out.

Wade stopped, his eyes going wide. “Did . . . did Knux have a baby?”

“Knux IS the baby,” she said, moving closer. The boy turned his head, looking between the two adults. “I woke up and he was like this.”

Silence settled for a moment, before Wade rubbed the back of his neck. “So . . . is this something space echidna do? Like a phoenix kinda thing?”

Callie opened her mouth to answer, before closing it again. She looked between echidna and man, before giving Wade a look. “I think my smoke detectors would have gone off if he’d burst into flames to revert to a . . . joey. No, that’s kangaroos. Damnit. What are baby echidna called?”

Wade shrugged. “Think the other boys are like this?”

Her eyes went wide. YES! Verifying Sonic and Tails were babies too wouldn’t exactly make this okay, but would go a long way into making her feel less . . . weird about it. Shared experiences and all that.

“I’ll check.” She thrust Knuckles toward Wade, who looked distinctly unsure about taking him. “C’mon, Wade. I have to make a phone call.”

“I dunno, I’m not really great with—“

That’s as far as he got before she practically dropped the little echidna into his hands. She rushed to the counter, grabbed her phone, and punched Maddie’s contact. It ran twice before she picked up.

“Hey, Cal!”

“Hey, Mads, uh, sorry to call so early, I just have a quick question.”

“Shoot.”

Callie glanced over at Wade, who had pulled Knuckles to cradle against his chest. Knux gazed up at the man, playing with the buttons on the hideous Hawaiian shirt he liked to wear on days off.

“Your kids wouldn’t happen to be, I dunno . . . babies?”

A slight pause.

“It depends on the situation, really.”

“RUDE!” A certain hedgehog’s voice called out in the background.

Oh. Oh no.

“That seemed an oddly specific question for this early in the morning,” Maddie continued, seemingly ignoring her hog son. “Why do you ask?”

A soft, not quite sane laugh escaped Callie, and she switched from an audio call to video. “Because, funny story . . . Today I woke up to . . .” She turned the phone to show Wade holding little Knux. “This.”

Silence. Then, “OH MY GOD! HE’S SO CUTE!”

Wade blushed. “Aw, thanks, Maddie!”

Callie rolled her eyes, and pulled the phone back around to herself. “Maddie, he’s a baby. Why is he a baby?”

“Why are you asking me? I don’t know any more than you do about his species.”

“Don’t tell me you think he’s like some space phoenix thing, too.”

“What?”

“Nevermind.” Callie sighed, reaching beneath her glasses to pinch the bridge of her nose. “I haven’t had my coffee yet.”

“Hang on, lemme ask Tails.” Maddie’s voice went a little muffled as she blocked the mic, turning to call for her younger son. There was some back and forth between the two, when Tails came on screen.

“Hi, Callie!”

“Hey, Floof,” she said, dropping her hand and giving him a weak smile. “Your mom fill you in?”

“Yeah, and I’m not completely clear on echidna physiology but am pretty sure they don’t spontaneously revert to become babies overnight.”

“Wait a minute, Knux is a baby???” Sonic’s voice started faint but got louder as he pushed forward, sticking his nose in the camera. “LEMME SEE!!”

Callie sighed, and turned to show the hog. A gasp, followed by laughter, and she pulled the phone back around with a cocked eyebrow.

“Hey, see if you can remove the stick from his butt now, so he’ll be more fun when he grows up!”

“Sonic!”

A warning call from Maddie, who wrestled control of her phone from her older son.

“So,” Callie said, trying to redirect the conversation. “Any ideas how this happened, or how to change him back?”

“Tails?” Maddie asked, turning the phone slightly to get the fox in frame. He rubbed his chin slightly, before looking back up.

“The Master Emerald is said to be able to change reality, based solely on thought alone,” he said, before shrugging. “Maybe that has something to do with it.”

Callie could have slapped her forehead. Duh. She knew the Master Emerald could do that, that’s what the whole trouble with Robotnik was when Knux first came. That should have been her first thought, honestly.

She blamed the lack of caffeine.

“That’s a good call, Tails,” she said, glancing over at Wade. He’d pulled Knuckles up and was currently dancing with him, making silly faces. The boy laughed, kicking his little feet, and Callie’s heart just about melted. She looked back to Tails. “I’ll see if I can, I dunno, convince the Emerald to change him back.”

The fox looked hesitant, but nodded. “Probably your best bet. Just . . . be careful.”

“I will. Thanks, guys. I’ll keep you in the loop.”

The Wachowski’s said their goodbyes, and she hung up, putting her phone back on the counter.

“You sure you wanna use that?” Wade asked, pulling Knux back to hold against him. He still swayed back and forth, seemingly without realizing he was doing it. “Could make things weirder.”

“Not sure we have much of a choice, Wade.”

She paused, looking up the stairs toward Knuckles’ room. She tried not to think about having a magic rock capable of altering reality in her house. One that allowed Robotnik to create a giant robot out of cars and trains and who knew what else. One that apparently worked through thought alone.

Because if she thought too hard on it, it really, really, really freaked her out.

“We can call Sonic and Tails to come over,” Wade said, his voice softer. “They know a little more about it and maybe could help.”

Part of her wanted to say yes, because this was way too much to deal with. At all, much less before her morning coffee. She turned and looked back at Knuckles, who was seemingly fine hanging over Wade’s arm.

She sighed.

“No,” she said, giving her braid a little tug. “We don’t know for sure that’s what changed him. What if the other boys come over and BOOM, they get babified? Then we’ll still be on our own and Maddie will be pissed. No thanks.” She sighed again, steeling herself. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

She made her way upstairs, into Knuckles’ room, and opened his closet door. The Master Emerald sat in its little glass box, its ever present soft glow illuminating the otherwise dark room. With a few calming breaths, she reached forward and pressed her thumb on the little square plate at the base. There was a soft beep, and a little recording of Tails’ voice filled the air.

“Identification code, please.”

Callie leaned forward to speak toward the mic. “Callie MacPherson, 7322-07.”

A second later there was another beep, and Tails’ voice again.

“Access granted! Hi, Callie!”

There was a click and a hiss as the top of the clear box opened, swinging back to allow access. The material the container was constructed with looked like glass, but Tails had called it some sort of polymer that was stronger than steel—a recipe he’d concocted back on his home planet when he was five, and at that point she’d stopped listening because it sounded like a lot of tech talk, and frankly she got the feeling that some of Tails’ inventions were borderline illegal no matter what planet he was on.

She reached into the box now, and carefully took hold of the Master Emerald, lifting it out slowly. She’d only touched it once before, as Tails was installing the security system.

She didn’t like touching it.

It was warm.

Not warm as in ‘a rock that had been sitting in the sun’ warm. But warm as in ‘something that was somehow generating its own heat’ warm.

It was almost a living warmth.

And beyond that, it seemed to . . . thrum in her hands.

She tried to tell herself she was simply feeling her own heartbeat through it, that somehow the gem was amplifying it back to her.

But considering how her heart was pounding in her own ears right now, the gem’s . . . well, pulse didn’t match the rhythm.

She tried not to think about it.

She tried not to think about anything, considering the powers the gem held.

Having her house turn into gingerbread because of the ones she used to make with her mother at Christmas popped into her head was the last thing she needed right now.

(damnit stop thinking about that)

Hurrying downstairs, she found Wade entertaining Knuckles by tossing him in the air before catching him. The little echidna laughed, his soft voice squeaking with his happy giggles.

Callie was only a little jealous that Wade could coax such happy sounds from the boy. She didn’t think she’d ever heard teen Knux sound that free. That happy. Sure, he’d been through hell in his quest to find the gem now in her hands, but she thought she had given him a nice safe place to stay. A home.

Maybe she’d just been fooling herself.

Focus.

“Keep doing that and he’s gonna barf on you,” she said, in what she hoped sounded like her usual snark.

Wade caught him one last time, before giving the boy a little nose nuzzle. “Ah, he’s okay. He’s a cute little guy!”

“Yeah, well, why don’t we see if we can change him back—PUGGLE!” The word came out loud and suddenly, and Wade and Knuckles both jerked. She gave them an embarrassed smile. “Sorry, I’d been trying to think of that word all morning. Anyway . . .” She held up the Master Emerald. “Shall we give it a try?”

Wade nodded, turning Knuckles around so they both faced Callie. She stepped forward, holding the gem up in front of the little puggle.

Nothing happened.

She gave the Emerald a little shake. “C’mon. Change him back. Uh, please.”

Nothing.

“Think maybe it’s like a genie kinda thing?” Wade offered, and Knuckles turned his head to look at him. “Like, you gotta wish for it or something?”

“Tails said it works by thought,” Callie responded, watching as the puggle turned back and began chewing on the nearest edge of the Emerald. “But I’m not exactly sure how to do that. And kinda worried about a monkey’s paw kinda situation.”

“Oh, like you wish for something and it grants it in the most horrible, twisted way possible. Like instead of changing him back to his normal self he’s a . . . I dunno, an eclair or something.”

Callie gave him a look. “Why would he be an eclair?”

Wade shrugged. “It kinda sounds like echidna. And maybe it sounds so much like echidna that you think of eclair instead and now he’s a delicious pastry and—”

“I’m not going to think of an eclair instead of echidna,” she snapped, before pulling her lips in tight. “Well I wasn’t before you said that, now that’s all I can think of, thank you very much.”

Closing her eyes, Callie drew in a deep breath, before letting it out slowly.

Okay.

She opened her eyes, and met Wade’s gaze. “I’m gonna try picturing him like he was yesterday, and see if that works. Ready?” Wade nodded, holding Knuckles out. “Okay. Here goes.”

Callie closed her eyes again, squeezing them shut tightly as she pictured Knuckles, teenage Knuckles, and definitely not an eclair, standing before her and giving her that typical scowl, his arms crossed. She kept that image in her mind, her grip tightening on the Master Emerald.

She wasn’t sure what she was expecting to happen. A feeling of some sort of energy or something flowing through her as the Emerald did what she wanted. A sudden shift of the air around her. Something.

That didn’t happen.

What did happen was little Knuckles sneezing, spraying the Master Emerald—and her—with little puggle snot. She jerked, opening her eyes.

“Well, that’s just grand, that is,” she said in her best Wallace impersonation. She turned and walked to the hand towel she’d thrown at Knuckles while he was hanging off her curtain, and picked it up to wipe the spray off the most dangerous and powerful gem in the entire galaxy. Then she turned the towel to herself, wiping her face and heaving a sigh.

“At least he’s not an eclair,” Wade offered, tucking Knux into his elbow. “What now?”

Callie cocked an eyebrow at him, tucking the Emerald against her hip. Her eyes flicked behind him, and found her coffee pot nice and full. “Coffee,” she said, heading toward it.

~~~~~

And that's where I petered out because it's just not working. UGH

[curiosity-killed]

curio's chaotic guide to corralling brain squirrels ✨for Capitalism✨

obligatory disclaimer: my only qualifications are having lived with Cocaine Squirrels In My Brain for my entire life and getting the fun experience of people regularly telling me "you can't have adhd, you're too organized/successful/put together" meanwhile i am regularly held captive by my brain zooming through deep dives on cicada facts at 1 AM on a work night

first off, the general overarching bits:

Come in at 70%. I tell this to literally everyone and am stealing it from my sister, but basically—don't come into your job at 100%. That 100% will be taken for granted by you and your coworkers and become the expectation, meaning when you have a day where the brain is holding you hostage or you're tired or hungover or for whatever other reason can only give 50%, it will be a crisis. Come in at 70%, so 50% isn't a huge deal and you can whip out the 100% for some special sparkle times.

Embrace the good bits. look, lbr. cocaine squirrels are not a great time, generally speaking, in a corporate 9-to-5 space. BUT sometimes there are perks. for instance, I am the person you want in a (corporate) emergency because the right pressure (and coffee and high BPM music) makes the squirrels band together and pull some damn good shit off in crunch time. whatever quirk you feel you can leverage, do it.

okay now more squirrel-corralling thoughts (am I doing this instead of my actual job? obviously.)

build a system of systems

okay i know if I say anything about a planner or to-do list, I will be shot on sight but. well. this is about planners and to do lists

I am a chronically aspirational planner user. I love the concept of planners. love to have such a tidy and organized way of going about life. And I can use planners—for about 1-3 months at a time, max.

what I've found works best for me is to have kind of a rotation of task tracking systems: sometimes my planner*, sometimes sticky notes plastered across my desk/wall, sometimes color-coded to do lists in an actual notebook, sometimes color-coded to do lists in my dry erase notebook, sometimes notes on my computer.

I don't think it super matters what you use so much as it matters to have things in place that you can swap to when your brain stops liking the one you're using

*this isn't an ad but I rlly like the Rocketbook planner specifically because it doesn't have a timeframe, so you don't have to worry about "wasting" it during the months you're not using it. just wipe it down and start fresh whenever it's back to being useful

agree to slightly more than you should (but watch out!)

if i have a normal workload, the effort it takes to make myself Do The Thing goes up by about 50% with a negative relationship to the quantity of work. ergo I am best off if I am just slightly overutilized—if I have about 9 hours of work to do rather than 8. That doesn't mean I always work a 9 hour day (because the squirrels and I fucking hate that) but it means there's just a little additional pressure to help make it easier for my brain to, y'know, execute.

THAT SAID, it is really easy to fuck this up. don't be like me and wind up basically doing an entire contract solo (that was supposed to be a 9-person team)!!! it's bad!

mostly i think this is trial and error, so figuring out the right balance for yourself will take getting it wrong some of the time.

the squirrels crave that novelty

this is also related to the first point, but I've found I get more done if I let myself bounce between projects/tasks more than probably makes sense to people who aren't possessed by manic rodents in their brain.

I try to break down tasks in a way that lets me cross something off (dopamine! or. something??) and lets me skip over to something different/novel as a break (e.g., today I need to copy edit a bunch, draft some appendices for a different project, and create an autopopulating tab for an internal project—so I copy edited one whole section, skipped over to the appendices to get a first pass down, hopped back to the next section of copy editing, and then switched to the internal project).

too much of this can feel like playing pinball with your brain, but giving myself the option to switch out into something different helps keep me from getting into the Dreaded Tedium Stage of things

flexibility and structure

this is going to depend some on your work structure, but use what flexibility you can. My work offers a flex schedule, meaning I can take a four hour break in the day as long as I make those hours up somewhere else. I don't. necessarily recommend?? taking a 4 hour break BUT sometimes the squirrels unionize and demand I vacuum the living room, and trying to ignore it and work will be infinitely slower and more exhausting than if I just get up and vacuum and then get back to work. other times, the squirrels stage a sit-in protest and i am stuck scrolling tumblr aimlessly or re-reading fanfic for no reason and then at 8 PM they decide they actually are willing to do The One Goddamn Task i absolutely must do.

it sucks and I genuinely really hate this part of ADHD, but the best option I've found is to sometimes let them win in the moment and come back to the challenge/ask at a better time (for instance, my energy/focus tends to be worst in the afternoon and much better in the evening, so it's easier for me to get something done in the evening than fighting squirrels all afternoon).

...and on the flipside, where you can impose some self-made structure, it can also help get the squirrels in line. calendar holds (i.e., putting an event on your calendar that's just for a task/project and turning on do not disturb for notifications) can help with this if you're able to stick with them (ime this is a skill that has to be built and practiced), organizing things by 'must do' vs 'quick wins' can help, etc. as with everything, it's a process, but finding a balance between where you can flex and where you can lean on structure to help you along has been beneficial to me

anyway idk if any of this is new or helpful but my personal squirrels have been sated and i do. unfortunately. actually need to work now kbye